Podcasts · Health & Fitness · Education

The Overwhelmed Brain

Paul Colaianni: Relationship and Emotional Abuse Expert

300 episodes

Get to the root of emotional issues and learn the best way to relate to yourself and others by honoring your personal boundaries and making decisions that are in alignment with what's most important to you.

More about the show

This is not a "common-sense" personal growth and development show. You won't be told to think positively or create affirmations. The Overwhelmed Brain is about accessing that deeper mental and emotional strength inside you so that you can decrease or even eliminate old fears and evolve into the person you want to be.

Learn what your parents or caretakers never taught you about emotional wellness and creating strong, non-toxic bonds with others.

If you want the exact instructions that will help improve your life, you're in the right place.

Episodes page 1 of 6

  1. Follow-up - When people make you believe untruthful things about yourself.

    · 6:09 · Episode 688

    Follow-up episode for "688 - When people make you believe untruthful things about yourself." Take time to reflect on 10 self-assessment questions based on the key themes from that episode. Pause between each question…

  2. When people make you believe untruthful things about yourself

    · 33 min · Episode 688

    Some people have a way of making us feel bad about ourselves. There's no reason for it. Some people are just awful. And they do it to get a reaction from us, giving them a sense of satisfaction when we respond the way…

  3. Follow up - Is it love or control

    · 5:08 · Episode 687

    This is a follow-up episode for number 687: "Is it love or control?" Take time to reflect on 10 self-assessment questions based on the key themes from that episode. Pause between each question and be honest with…

  4. Is it love or control?

    · 38 min · Episode 687

    Feeling strangled by someone else's demands, guilt trips, or subtle punishments? In this episode, I provide a list of both loving and controlling behaviors so you have no doubt what's going on with you and someone else…

  5. When you just don't see eye to eye on everything and it's a big problem

    · 43 min · Episode 686

    Wanting different things than your partner (kids, stability, freedom) doesn't make you a bad person — it makes this relationship a system with incompatible "inputs." And if you feel torn or guilty about what to do,…

  6. Grounding yourself to make the best decisions possible

    · 39 min · Episode 685

    Life is really all about a series of decisions from moment to moment. Most are no-brainers: You know when to eat, for example. But others can literally be life-changing. And for those, being grounded and sure about…

  7. One way to stop the head games

    · 44 min · Episode 684

    Some conversations go down a path of dysfunction because one or both people refuse to be direct, or perhaps they're trying to manipulate to get a certain outcome. The head games that some people play are annoying and…

  8. How to express emotions for the emotionally unexpressive

    · 38 min · Episode 683

    If you feel stuck or awkward expressing emotions, I've been there! In this episode, I confront how avoidance, people-pleasing, fear of judgment, and more keep you emotionally distant from yourself and the people who…

  9. The foundation of all dysfunctional behavior

    · 41 min · Episode 682

    Toxic, dysfunctional, and emotionally abusive behavior stem from the same foundational challenges in almost everyone. Learning what those challenges are and healing them can resolve carrying around years of future…

  10. Is toxic energy blocking the life you want?

    · 36 min · Episode 681

    What are the obstacles to peace, comfort, and happiness? You may be walking amongst people and things right now that are literally draining positivity from your life.

  11. Are you living your life on a foundation of fears and insecurities?

    · 41 min · Episode 680

    Sometimes what drives our decisions isn't necessarily what has our best interests in mind. Old survival mechanisms can be running the show, steering us into unfavorable outcomes without us even realizing it. Better…

  12. Can you get more time with someone without controlling what they do with their time?

    · 34 min · Episode 676

    You're not crazy for feeling lonely in a relationship where schedules clash and one of you seems to be filling their time with other things to do. Hmm... what's really going on in this relationship. I answer a…

  13. Is sarcasm supposed to be funny or mean or...

    · 27 min · Episode 678

    Sarcasm can hide contempt while being disguised as humor. But, it can also bring humor to a difficult situation. Is there a limit to sarcasm and can it hurt relationships? Lots to discuss.

  14. When you don't talk about the hard stuff, hard stuff tends to stick around

    · 28 min · Episode 677

    It might feel better not knowing the answers to some questions becuase, after all, knowing might mean you now have to do something about it. But when you don't ask the hard questions and don't talk about the hard…

  15. When your values collide with others

    · 35 min · Episode 676

    What you value may not be what others value, but should that lead to black and white, all or nothing thinking where one person has to give something up so the other person can have what they want? Can there be a middle…

  16. Moving forward through loss

    · 28 min · Episode 675

    After loss, it can feel like there's no movement, as if time stopped on that exact moment of grief or pain, never to move forward again. However, grief, sadness, pain, and suffering do not have to feel like a chasm…

  17. When those we love die

    · 39 min · Episode 674

    The death of my brother-in-law was hard and got me revisiting the concept of the death of loved ones. No one can tell you it's going to be okay, even though eventually you will be okay. But in the moment, it can be…

  18. The "It's not my fault" apology

    · 39 min · Episode 671

    If you've ever felt hurt or offended by someone's words or actions, and their "apology" was more like a deflection than compassion for how it affected you, was it really an apology at all or simply more salt in the…

  19. Making hard decisions when you're not sure what's true

    · 35 min · Episode 672

    Sometimes you might wonder if things are going to change or not. Perhaps you're waiting for someone to show up better or differently, or your waiting for your boss to stop being such a jerk, or any of a number of…

  20. The ten components that make up a healthy, long-lasting relationship

    · 45 min · Episode 670

    I talk about toxic relationships all the time, but what do healthy relationships actually look like? Is there a formula? There are criteria. And I'll share ten components of a healthy relationship in this episode.

  21. The bare minimum needed for any close relationship

    · 42 min · Episode 670

    You'd think love and connection would be enough to get through any relationship challenge. But there is something stronger, something deeper that allows feelings to grow and the bond to strengthen.

  22. Should I reveal my past to a potential new partner

    · 38 min · Episode 669

    If you have a history that you're not proud of, and you start a new relationship, should the new potential partner be advised of a past you regret? If you don't tell, will it bring consequences down the road? It's a…

  23. Are these old emotional wounds or something real happening now?

    · 46 min · Episode 668

    Are old emotional wounds triggering you today? A woman reached out and shares her struggles about choices she made about a pregnancy and how her partner may have lied about his communication with his ex at the…

  24. The on again off again relationship and other challenging topics

    · 47 min · Episode 667

    Can the on-off relationship work? What about long-distance relationships? I talk about that and also someone asked me if it's their social anxiety or someone's rude behavior that's to blame. It's a grab bag episode…

  25. Some people don't want you to be yourself

    · 46 min · Episode 666

    Other people's insecurities should not make you change for them. If they can't handle who you are, is it on you to make them comfortable or should they just adjust, adapt, or leave you alone?

  26. How to be direct about someone's hurtful behavior without being confrontational

    · 36 min · Episode 665

    You're allowed to tell someone they're hurting you — and if you feel stuck because you avoid conflict or keep punishing with silence, I've been there and will show you how to say it plainly so you know whether they…

  27. Always take what sounds like a threat seriously

    · 40 min · Episode 664

    People who threaten, belittle, or use "jokes" about violence are practicing control, and they will gaslight you into submission if you don't take their threats or "jokes" seriously. Don't reward coercion with compliance.

  28. The past is the worst place to ruminate

    · 38 min · Episode 663

    Are you a victim of your past choices forever? If the future feels impossible because the past is unavoidable, it might be time to put away the mirror and forge the path you want.

  29. When good enough is much less than you want to settle for

    · 46 min · Episode 662

    Some people have a progress bar that stops when things are no longer uncomfortable. That can work for some people. But for others who want more out of life, it could present an incompatibility that's hard to get past.

  30. They do wrong, you get blamed

    · 32 min · Episode 661

    Someone who constantly blames and criticizes you may have something to hide. Someone who hurts you is hiding nothing at all... it's all very apparent. Don't ever think their behaviors are your fault.

  31. When what you did is always thrown back in your face

    · 41 min · Episode 660

    You did bad... a long time ago, but you still have to pay for what you did every time someone brings it up. They just can't let it go and you're reaching the end of your rope. When will they move on?

  32. Life and relationship questions you may want the answers to

    · 49 min · Episode 659

    Some of us can go through life without the answers to the most pertinent questions. Others, like me, feel like there's something missing if we don't get those answers. I do my best to answer a few of those burning…

  33. Are you the only one keeping the friendship going?

    · 51 min · Episode 658

    What is the recipe of reciprocation in a friendship when it comes to keeping in touch. Is it always 1 to 1 (you call, they call, repeat)? Or, is it always just you calling them? Hmm... seems one-sided, doesn't it? But,…

  34. The specific steps some people take to manipulate you

    · 36 min · Episode 657

    There's no end to what manipulation looks like. Some people have a gift for making you do what they want you to do. Victims of manipulation typically have something in common. Knowing what that is will keep you out of…

  35. The direct way to communicate with a passive-aggressive person

    · 43 min · Episode 656

    Are you really misunderstanding everything they say, or are they just trying to get away with being mean under the radar? I address that and also talk about when someone doesn't like a gift you've given them. If that…

  36. Avoid taking on the pain and suffering of others

    · 48 min · Episode 655

    It can be a struggle to be there for loved ones struggling. And the more empathetic you feel, the more you may feel yourself getting deeper into the same struggle with them. It can sometimes be a challenge to be there…

  37. The aggressive accuser blaming you for things you didn't do

    · 58 min · Episode 654

    Some people accuse just to keep you busy defending yourself. Some do it because, perhaps, they like to see you suffer? That can't be true... can it? If you're constantly accused for things you didn't do, you might be a…

  38. Self-hate does not come from you

    · 49 min · Episode 653

    If you were taught to believe you were anything less than lovable and worthy, it's time we had an important conversation.

  39. This doesn't have to be as good as it gets

    · 40 min · Episode 652

    Meaning, purpose, the pursuit of happiness... Just existing shouldn't be the only way to live. You are important - you just may not realize how much.

  40. Stop blaming yourself for your stupid decisions

    · 27 min · Episode 651

    Don't get trapped in a cycle of blaming yourself for past decisions. What you did then isn't what you'll do next time. And what you did then doesn't say who you are today.

  41. The traps some people set for us by playing the victim

    · 45 min · Episode 650

    If you find yourself questioning whether it's okay to step back from a someone who is always playing the victim (and perhaps blaming you for almost everything wrong in their life), you need a way out and a way back to…

  42. 8 myths about life and relationships

    · 1 h 03 min · Episode 649

    Are the beliefs and values that guide your life and relationships truly serving you? There are many myths that, if we don't question them, might be holding us back from happiness and fulfillment.

  43. Keeping yourself unintentionally limited and stuck

    · 42 min · Episode 648

    Is work, people, or other things getting you down? Is there a way out of that holding pattern? Holding out hope for change might not be the best way forward.

  44. When nothing is that great and you think you can't do anything about it

    · 34 min · Episode 647

    Years of mediocrity or even unhappiness can change... can't it? I think if you're wondering if that could ever be true, this episode is probably for you.

  45. When you're about to lose your sh*t

    · 43 min · Episode 646

    If you're caught in a heated moment with another person, do you know how to keep your cool and maintain control? In this episode, I read a message from someone who lost his patience with a passenger on his bus. He…

  46. The five words that will change your life

    · 44 min · Episode 645

    Sometimes all that's needed to enforce your boundaries in a situation or relationship is a simple phrase that changes everything. Otherwise, you could be stuck with what you got indefinitely.

  47. His ex is unsafe for our relationship

    · 48 min · Episode 644

    A partner's ex is a partner's problem... or is it? What if they're trying to wiggle their way back to your partner? I address that concern from someone who says they feel unsafe with their partner's ex being in the…

  48. Constantly accused for things you didn't do

    · 41 min · Episode 643

    Ever feel like you're the one always under fire, the scapegoat for every misstep? When you are under constant accusation for things you didn't do (but are being convinced you did), it's time to learn the truth about…

  49. How do I raise my kids without completely screwing them up?

    · 48 min · Episode 642

    Feel like you might mess up your kids because you haven't improved or healed your own stuff yet? Is it possible to raise kids to be less dysfunctional than ourselves? I certainly hope so! Sounds like a good topic to…

  50. What you don't bring up will come up

    · 46 min · Episode 641

    If you've ever felt like you're holding back in love because of past fears, it's probably affecting your current relationship. If you're worried you might be hurt, you may just prevent love from reaching its fullest…

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