Podcasts · Health & Fitness · Education
The Overwhelmed Brain
Paul Colaianni: Relationship and Emotional Abuse Expert
300 episodes
Get to the root of emotional issues and learn the best way to relate to yourself and others by honoring your personal boundaries and making decisions that are in alignment with what's most important to you.
More about the show
This is not a "common-sense" personal growth and development show. You won't be told to think positively or create affirmations. The Overwhelmed Brain is about accessing that deeper mental and emotional strength inside you so that you can decrease or even eliminate old fears and evolve into the person you want to be.
Learn what your parents or caretakers never taught you about emotional wellness and creating strong, non-toxic bonds with others.
If you want the exact instructions that will help improve your life, you're in the right place.
Episodes page 5 of 6
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When you feel like you're not that important to your friends and family
Some relationships are one-sided. Friends, family, and lovers can fall into the listing "relation-ship," where half the relationship is sinking while the other half is oblivious of the side that's slowly disappearing…
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Boring, self-absorbed people or maybe you
A boring conversation can make you fall asleep. Some people seem not to be concerned if you care about what they're saying. They'll just talk and tell stories while you sit there, hoping that the fire alarm goes off to…
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Walking your talk shows you who really wants you to be happy
One path to happiness may involve being someone you may sometimes feel uncomfortable being: Yourself. Walking your talk, putting yourself into the world and speaking your mind has its consequences... and its massive…
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Discovering those buried emotions that you'd like to release
If you can go through life without getting weighed down by negative memories, you're already ten steps ahead of many people. Some people still have repressed emotions that sneak up on them, keeping them from gaining…
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It's hard as hell to be vulnerable
The path to vulnerability doesn't make sense if you believe being vulnerable means you're weak or you'll feel exposed to a cruel world. Yes, there are people you can't be vulnerable around. But there are also those you…
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Where is my thank you? When you don't get acknowledgment for your kindness.
Do you get upset if someone doesn't thank you for something nice you did? Common courtesy may not be as common as we think, so if we take apparent ungratefulness personally, we could set ourselves up for disappointment…
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The possibility of reconciling with estranged family
That one last fight you had with them changed the relationship forever. Some family does not forgive and move on. Some hold on to grudges and expect you to come groveling back. But if it's not your fault, should you?…
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Have you met the real you?
We've all experienced the blahs. Maybe you've even been depressed (or are now). Sometimes it's difficult to get out of a space like that. When you've tried everything, what's left? There's more to healing than books,…
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Why it seems impossible to defuse some arguments
The argument goes on and on... then you're arguing again about the same thing later. Why does it seem that some arguments never end? I explore the reasons why and other issues when it comes to relating to other people…
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The choices we make to avoid the choices we don't want to make
Some of life's challenges seem impossible and we feel stuck. We can believe we have no choice when we probably do, but just don't like the one we have to make. There's a lot to be said about which choices we don't make…
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The risk and reward of being yourself
What happens when you walk around in fear of being your true self? What kind of foundation of confidence do you have that can help you to show up as authentic? I take you through the risk of authenticity and how you…
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The obligations and responsibilities that can exhaust us
Sometimes there is so much to do and so many people to please that we lose ourselves doing everything for everyone but ourselves. It's time to reconnect and get back to who we are. That can seem like an impossible task…
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Is there really life outside the box or is this all there is?
Our perception of the outside world is limited by the inner world we create. We only see what's inside our own box, sometimes not realizing there is so much more out there. I travel from perceptions to depression and…
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Afraid they'll discover you're a fraud - The Impostor Syndrome
What do you do when you feel less about yourself than others feel about you? Somebody might think you're brilliant and clever but you might have the opposite feeling. You might even feel like a fraud. The impostor…
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Helpful ways to respond to the difficult person
Some people are just so difficult or toxic that no matter what you say, you can't get through to them. It's not just a matter of getting through to them all the time. Sometimes it's just about responding in a way that…
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The negativity that likes to work its way into your mind and body
Are you inadvertently allowing negativity into my mind and body? When someone puts you down or mistreats you, is it possible you are unintentionally enabling this behavior? You shouldn't be blamed for other people's…
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The beliefs that serve you and the beliefs that don't
We can walk around with beliefs that lead us down the same road every time. When you know for sure what's true, yet you still get terrible results, maybe it's time to question what's true and look for what might be a…
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Punishing yourself for your mistakes
It's bad enough to get punished by someone else when you make a mistake, but to compound the suffering by punishing yourself can make things so much worse. Sure, we can beat ourselves up for our own actions, but when…
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I promise this time I'll keep my promise
How many times do you hear I'm sorry and I promise I'll never do it again" before you realize nothing is going to change? What if they do change? Can you reunite and start fresh and be good again? Today I talk about…
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Some people just cannot admit that they are the problem
You've called them out. You've had your arguments. You've tried everything to get someone to take responsibility for their words or actions. But you still can't get through to them. Some people are impossible and…
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I do so much for them for so little in return
Sometimes no matter what you do for someone, they just don't have the capability to reciprocate. Love and connection can be welcome, but what if it isn't returned? The first segment addresses this challenge between a…
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When your happy place becomes your misery
It was the perfect marriage. She came home to her warm, comfortable home to be with her best friend - her husband - and everything was great... Until his kids moved in full time. Now she no longer has a quiet, peaceful…
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Not all parents are loving and supportive
If you've tried everything with someone and they are still awful to you, perhaps you're trying too hard. Or maybe they don't care enough to change for you or anyone else. What happens when one or both parents are…
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What's the point of the day to day just to feel depressed and anxious?
Going about your life shouldn't be a constant stress on your system. Sometimes we let our fears override our values. When that happens, we end up with results we don't want more often than not. I talk about that in…
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Stuffing who you are way down can make you numb
Is there a part of you that you can't necessarily feel fully? Do you think you could be happier than you are? Sometimes we stuff emotions down so far that we forget they're there. When that happens, a part of us can…
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Giving up happiness because someone holds something over your head
What can you do if someone is holding something over your head and you feel stuck unless you kiss their butt? Is there a solution to this kind of abusive situation? It's a "do what I say or you'll never get what you…
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Email grab bag 5 - Codependent and stuck - New on the job - Getting a raise - Vague signals while dating
Hundreds of emails, so little time. I tackle three messages. One from a woman stuck in a codependent relationship wanting to know how to find peace. Another from someone trying to connect with people at a new job. Then…
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Some dysfunctional people don't like when you're functional
It should be celebrated when you start honoring yourself and standing up for yourself. It should be seen as a gift you give yourself that leads to happiness. But some people see your empowerment as a threat and aren't…
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Is it worth the risk to seek a romantic relationship with a good friend?
Sometimes the friendship is so great, you wish you could feel this way all the time. So perhaps the thought of taking the friendship further comes to mind. But are they interested in you? And if they aren't, will the…
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The toxic relationship ended but I can't forgive myself and move on
A toxic relationship is one where at least one person is hurtful to another when there is supposed to be love, kindness, respect, and support. A woman wrote to me and said she was in a toxic relationship for far too…
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Putting an end to your own passive aggressive behavior
A listener was told she was passive-aggressive and she didn't realize it. She asked how to identify it in herself and how and why it comes about. I address this great topic in today's episode. I also talk about a very…
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Apologizing to the ex… good idea or bad?
If you acted badly toward someone in your past, is it a good idea to reach out and apologize years later? What if they're a past romantic partner you hurt and they've moved on, do you think they'll want to hear from…
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Do you let the breadcrumbing toxic family member back in your life?
A woman blocks her mom because of her years of toxic behavior. When she unblocks her, the mom reaches out, never mentioning being blocked, and never apologizing or taking responsibility for her hurtful behavior. Is it…
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Say what you mean. Mean what you say.
When you say what you mean, you get a lot more done than most people because you leave little room for interpretation. Is there a way to do this elegantly and effectively so you don't sound like a total jerk? Sometimes…
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Will you ever be good enough?
When you are mistreated in some way and made to feel less than dirt, do you accept that you are as you are treated or that you are as you choose to be? Don't let other people's perceptions of you define you. Hold…
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The rut of waiting for someone else to decide before you can move on
If you're waiting for someone to make a decision so that you can figure out which direction to go, you might be waiting a while. Some people are very comfortable in their indecision and don't mind how long they stay in…
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Carrying around the burden of someone else's secret
What do you do when someone you care about tells you a secret that affects other people you care about? Do you follow your heart or your values? Does your moral compass activate and make you express the secret to those…
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Getting stalked online and there's something about love you should know
I got a letter from someone who is being stalked online by her ex-boyfriend's wife. She has nothing to do with this person, yet she is a target. Is there a way out of this crazy mess? In segment two, I talk about a…
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When you're "on" too much for others but not enough for yourself
When you're always "on," it means you put on your game face in every interaction with others. It's like being in customer service and having to smile at every single customer that walks in the door. Do this all day and…
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Pretending to be the person you're not
Pretending is draining. When you're unwell and you show the world you're doing great, you lose energy, dissolve relationships, and turn people off. This episode is about learning what a pretender is to help you avoid…
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Stopping the head games
When someone plays head games with you, they're not telling you the whole truth. Perhaps they are lying altogether. The problem is, you can't always pinpoint what they're doing, you just know something's not right.…
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When is it time to wean your parents off of you?
There's a point where you've left the nest and started living your own life. But some parents haven't let you go. Some tell you how to live your life. Some are just toxic and won't leave you alone or stop telling you…
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To compromise, sacrifice, or support no matter what
When it comes to relationships, I think it's best to support the other person as much as possible. The trick is doing so while you disagree with what they're doing. Choosing to instead reject or deny what they want to…
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Balancing your life with only those things and people that matter
Sometimes a friendship takes an unexpected turn. Who you thought was your bestie suddenly leaves you out of an important event in their life or doesn't share things they used to share with you. What's going on in that…
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The pressure that builds when you can't let go of the negative emotions
The pressure that builds inside you when you don't say or do what you really want to say or do has to come out. Holding on to negativity is like keeping your hand on the hot stove and expecting not to get burned. You…
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Are you judgmental toward people that bother the heck out of you?
We can be so critical sometimes, especially toward people we love. Is it necessary to continue being judgmental or critical toward people that never change? Is it our job to change them? Judgments really have no place…
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When you want the greener grass on the other side - the life you want vs the life you have
When the life you have looks a lot less appealing than the life you could have, you may have lots of feelings about it. You may even obsess about it. What can you do about these thoughts? Is it time to give up and give…
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Is there such thing as an instant soul mate or is that the first warning sign of a difficult relationship?
When you meet someone and instantly feel love at first sight, like they're your "soulmate" or "the one," it's possible that not only are they not the one, but they may actually be the one person you want to get away…
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Not everything is your fault
You might take the fall for a lot of things that happen when you probably don't need to. Sometimes, that's a kind thing to do. But when it happens more often than not, especially with certain people, you're probably in…
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Does bad behavior ever deserve a free pass?
Is saying "I didn't mean it," a good excuse for bad behavior? Some people can be out of control due to drugs or alcohol, so they might do stupid things when they don't really mean to do them. However, should you ever…
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