Podcasts · Health & Fitness

They Mess You Up with Dr. Ciara Kelly and Dr. Richard Hogan

GoLoud

70 episodes · Explicit

A weekly podcast series presented by family doctor and broadcaster, Dr. Ciara Kelly & family psychotherapist and author, Dr. Richard Hogan. They Mess You Up is a straight-talking show that unpacks messy, everyday relationship and mental-health issues with a mix of clinical perspective, personal anecdotes and wry, no-nonsense banter. They cover topics from affairs, jealousy and people-pleasing to anxiety, parenting and dating after separation, with practical takeaways framed by the hosts’ professional experience. The show is a pragmatic guide to why people hurt each other - and themselves.

Episodes page 1 of 2

  1. Understanding Anxiety

    · 29 min · S1 E49 · Explicit

    Anxiety is a normal part of life, but what happens when worry starts running the show? Ciara and Richard explore why we get anxious, how our thoughts fuel it, and what we can do to stop it taking over. They Mess You…

  2. Messy Bits… Daddy Is in Love with Mammy’s Friend

    · 11 min · S1 E19 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  3. Body Hang-Ups

    · 28 min · S1 E48 · Explicit

    We learn to pick apart our bodies from a young age, but how does that affect the way we see ourselves? Ciara and Richard discuss body image, diet culture, social media and how we can help ourselves and our children…

  4. Messy Bits…Sandwich generation struggle

    · 10 min · S1 E18 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  5. Perfectionism

    · 28 min · S1 E47 · Explicit

    Ever feel pressure to be perfect? Ciara and Richard explore the anxiety behind perfectionism, where it comes from, and how to stop tying your self-worth to getting everything right. They Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara…

  6. Messy Bits…Are Dating Apps Dirt?!

    · 10 min · S1 E17 · Bonus · Explicit

    A listener has had enough of dating apps and wants some advice. Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  7. Messy Bits... Boundaries with in-laws

    · 9:28 · S1 E16 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  8. Intrusive Thoughts

    · 30 min · S1 E46 · Explicit

    Why do we have thoughts that horrify us? And what do they actually mean? Ciara and Richard explain why intrusive thoughts can be so distressing, why having one doesn't mean you want to act on it, and how to stop…

  9. Messy Bits... Why Do I Want Other Men?

    · 13 min · S1 E15 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  10. School Avoidance

    · 27 min · S1 E45 · Explicit

    When anxiety makes going to school feel impossible, how do you break the cycle of avoidance? Ciara and Richard discuss school refusal, anxiety, and how parents and schools can help young people find their way back.…

  11. Messy Bits... Functioning Alcoholic

    · 12 min · S1 E14 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  12. AI Relationships

    · 30 min · S1 E44 · Explicit

    AI is becoming more than a tool, for some people, it's a friend, confidant or even a romantic partner. Ciara and Richard explore why we're turning to AI for connection and validation, and what that could mean for our…

  13. Messy Bits... Red Flags or Fussy?

    · 11 min · S1 E13 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  14. Are You Dealing With a Narcissist?

    · 34 min · S1 E43 · Explicit

    Narcissism is a term we throw around a lot, but what actually makes someone a narcissist? Ciara and Richard look at narcissistic personality disorder, how it plays out in families and relationships, and the red flags…

  15. Messy Bits... Is this it?

    · 11 min · S1 E12 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  16. No Regrets?

    · 30 min · S1 E42 · Explicit

    Is regret useful, or does it just keep us stuck in the past? Ciara and Richard explore the choices, missed opportunities and “what ifs” that can haunt us, and whether sometimes the biggest regret is the thing we didn't…

  17. Messy Bits... Toxic Boss

    · 8:42 · S1 E11 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits... The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  18. CAO: You’re Not Your Points

    · 32 min · S1 E41 · Explicit

    CAO results day can feel like the future has been decided by a single set of points for students and parents alike. But what happens when you don’t get the course you wanted? Ciara and Richard talk about…

  19. Messy Bits... Introverts

    · 9:25 · S1 E10 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  20. The One That Got Away

    · 26 min · S1 E40 · Explicit

    Why do we romanticise the person we didn't end up with? Ciara and Richard explore the “one that got away”, why our memories can make the past look better than it was, and whether we’re missing the person or the life we…

  21. Messy Bits...ADHD & Marriage

    · 9:20 · S1 E9 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  22. Adult Kids at Home

    · 28 min · S1 E39 · Explicit

    More adult children are living at home for longer, but how do you live with your kids when they're no longer kids? Ciara and Richard discuss rent, rules, partners staying over, boundaries and how to make it work…

  23. Messy Bits... Cold Feet? Or something more?

    · 9:57 · S1 E8 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The weekly bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram message @TheyMessYouUpPod

  24. Are We Too Soft?

    · 33 min · S1 E38 · Explicit

    Are we becoming less resilient or just more open about our struggles? Ciara and Richard discuss discomfort, resilience, parenting, and whether protecting ourselves from life's challenges is doing more harm than good.…

  25. Messy Bits... Body Shaming

    · 10 min · S1 E7 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The weekly bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram message @TheyMessYouUpPod

  26. Is Monogamy Outdated?

    · 28 min · S1 E37 · Explicit

    Is monogamy still realistic or are we expecting too much from one person? Ciara and Richard discuss open relationships, affairs, lifelong commitment, and whether monogamy still has a place in modern life.

  27. Messy Bits... Sister Envy

    · 10 min · S1 E6 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  28. Going Sober...giving up the drink.

    · 30 min · S1 E36 · Explicit

    Choosing not to drink in Ireland can be harder than it sounds. Ciara and Richard discuss sober curiosity, social pressure, and why saying "no thanks" can make other people surprisingly uncomfortable. Follow the pod…

  29. Messy Bits... Husband's Opposing Opinions

    · 12 min · S1 E5 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  30. When Attraction Fades

    · 30 min · S1 E35 · Explicit

    Long-term love changes but does that mean attraction has to? Ciara and Richard discuss intimacy, resentment, communication, and why laughter might be one of the most overlooked parts of a healthy relationship. Follow…

  31. Messy Bits... The Cheating DMs

    · 16 min · S1 E4 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  32. Financial Stress

    · 30 min · S1 E34 · Explicit

    Debt, rising bills, unequal incomes... Money has a way of creeping into every part of life. Ciara and Richard discuss financial stress, the arguments it causes, and why fairness matters more than splitting everything…

  33. Messy Bits....Falsely Accused?

    · 9:19 · S1 E3 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  34. The Single Life

    · 27 min · S1 E33 · Explicit

    Not everyone wants a relationship but society still treats being single like something that needs fixing. Ciara and Richard discuss the pressure to find "the one," choosing to stay single, and whether a relationship is…

  35. Messy Bits... Wandering Eye

    · 10 min · S1 E2 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  36. Burn Out: Running On Empty

    · 35 min · S1 E32 · Explicit

    Feeling exhausted, cynical, irritable, or like you're barely keeping your head above water? It could be more than stress. Ciara and Richard discuss burnout, how it develops, and what we can do before it takes over.…

  37. Messy Bits...Lonely Dad

    · 10 min · S1 E1 · Bonus · Explicit

    Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod

  38. They Mess You Up Recommend: GoLoud Sleep Sounds

    · 1:07 · S1 E2 · Trailer · Explicit

    Hi everyone - just dropping in between episodes here with a recommendation to help address a massive psychological issue that can actively wrecking your mental health: your terrible sleep hygiene. Lying awake at 3:00…

  39. The Weight of Shame

    · 29 min · S1 E31 · Explicit

    From dyslexia and aging to sexuality and trauma, shame can leave people carrying burdens that were never theirs to begin with. Ciara and Richard discuss where shame comes from, how it takes hold, and what it takes to…

  40. Modern Love: The Listener Survey

    · 37 min · S1 E30 · Explicit

    Would you check your partner's phone? Does messaging someone else count as cheating? Ciara and Richard dive into the results of a listener survey on trust, infidelity, dating apps, and modern relationships. Follow the…

  41. Friendship Breakups

    · 29 min · S1 E29 · Explicit

    Friendship breakups can feel just as painful as romantic ones but we rarely talk about them. Ciara and Richard discuss rejection, awkwardness, shared friend groups, and why losing a friend can hit harder than people…

  42. Coming Out Later in Life

    · 34 min · S1 E28 · Explicit

    Why do some people hide their sexuality for decades? Ciara and Richard unpack shame, fear, homophobia, and the emotional cost of living a life that doesn’t fully feel like your own. After Tommy Fleming’s interview…

  43. F*ck Around & Find Out (Parenting)

    · 31 min · S1 E27 · Explicit

    Ciara and Richard discuss “FAFO or F*ck Around and Find Out parenting,” how letting kids make mistakes might be better than stepping in to fix everything. Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on…

  44. Blended Families: The Biggest Mistakes to Avoid

    · 31 min · S1 E26 · Explicit

    Trying to merge two families can create tension, resentment, and pressure for both parents and children. In this episode, Ciara and Richard unpack the emotional reality of blended families and why forcing closeness too…

  45. Career Change: Taking the Leap

    · 30 min · S1 E25 · Explicit

    Is it too late to change your career? Or are you just afraid to try? In this episode career shifts, fear of failure, and the pressure to stay where you are. Ciara and Richard share their own career changes and how to…

  46. Can We Get Back Together? (Listener Dilemma)

    · 25 min · S1 E24 · Explicit

    After ending a long-term relationship in a moment of grief and low mood, a listener is left questioning everything when her ex moves on quickly. Ciara and Richard unpack whether it’s betrayal or consequence and what…

  47. Co-Parenting Mistakes: Stop Putting Kids in the Middle

    · 32 min · S1 E23 · Explicit

    It’s often children who carry the emotional fallout when parents separate, especially when conflict, name-calling, and resentment take over. Ciara and Richard unpack the co-parenting behaviours that do real damage, and…

  48. Sibling Rivalry & Resentment

    · 37 min · S1 E22 · Explicit

    Why do siblings trigger us more than anyone else? Relationships can be shaped by comparison, labels, and family roles that follow us into adulthood. In this episode, Ciara and Richard Hogan unpack sibling rivalry,…

  49. Staying After an Affair

    · 30 min · S1 E21 · Explicit

    From betrayal and secrecy to rebuilding trust, communication, and a sense of self. Follow the pod and get in touch on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod They Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan - taking on…

  50. Mental Health Influencers

    · 33 min · S1 E20 · Explicit

    How online mental health content is shaping how we think and feel - and the risks when complex issues are oversimplified or widely shared. Follow the pod and get in touch on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod They Mess You…

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