Podcasts · Comedy

Simon Mayo's Confessions

Bauer Media

145 episodes

Hilarious revelations from a new generation of sinners, willing to share their secrets in search of forgiveness with Father Simon and the Confessional Collective. Expect tales of greed, debauchery, deception, and honest mistakes including those confessions we could never broadcast on Greatest Hits Radio.

Episodes page 1 of 3

  1. Pick a pocket or two & other tales

    · 39 min · S8 E10

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the collective for another allegedly coherent episode. Bev relives a mixed-hockey tournament pool night in Wakefield, then it’s back to 1969 as Biffo and Buster conduct a…

  2. Cluedo Special - Confessions from the Crypt

    · 38 min · S8 E9

    It’s a very, very special edition of Simon Mayo’s Confessions… a Cluedo special. Five classic confessions are reopened from the crypt, featuring suspicious behaviour on quiet country roads, RAF Police patrols…

  3. Size of a cow & other tales

    · 40 min · S8 E8

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective. Mike takes us back to 1971, where a cow’s eye from biology class ends up hiding under a canteen lettuce leaf… with Big Cath, Carol-with-an-E.…

  4. There's no one quite like grandma & other tales

    · 42 min · S8 E7

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Holly, Sister Suzi and Brother Matthew for Episode 7 of Season 8… and yes, the numbering is definitely, probably, completely accurate. Thomas confesses to an 80s…

  5. Welcome to the lion’s den & other tales

    · 39 min · S8 E6

    It’s a distinctly international trip into the confessional this week with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective. Craig kicks things off from behind the pharmacy counter in 1989, when an eager attempt to help a…

  6. Bad to the bone & other tales

    · 43 min · S8 E5

    Episode five of Season Eight drops Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective back into the confessional for more chaos, dodgy logic, and the kind of stories that definitely shouldn’t be told… but are. Joe buys his…

  7. Welcome to the house of fun & other tales

    · 41 min · S8 E4

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another fresh batch of chaos, questionable life choices, and very loud studio drinks. Karen takes us back to late-70s school rule rebellion…

  8. Toads in your bed and pepper in your tea & other tales

    · 47 min · S8 E3

    Episode three of Season Eight sees Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective back in the studio for more chaos, coat chat, and questionable decision-making. First: a “guilty and apologetic teacher” (aka Mr Schneebly)…

  9. This is the time for action & other tales

    · 42 min · S8 E2

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another fresh batch of confessions. Alf takes us to South Africa’s “Valley of a Thousand Hills” for a bit of teenage snake-hunting that ends…

  10. Right on baby & other tales

    · 39 min · S8 E1

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Holy Collective as Season Eight kicks off — minus Brother Matt, who’s apparently busy in his orangery. First up, a “medical emergency” on a quiet Oxfordshire B-road…

  11. Every grain of sand & other tales

    · 48 min · S7 E49

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for cassette-tape sabotage, 80s vanity, and a honeymoon story you can’t un-hear. “Timothy” takes revenge on late-night Madonna singalongs by…

  12. Beach baby & other tales

    · 45 min · S7 E48

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Holy collective. We start with a World Cup watch party that turns into the most awkward buffet raid imaginable.. Storm Doris exposes “mum and dad time” evidence.…

  13. Confessions from the Crypt Special

    · 27 min · S7 E47

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another “Confessions from the Crypt” special — lock the doors and grab your torch. Maria Callas (from Middlesbrough, obviously) reveals how…

  14. There she goes & other tales

    · 43 min · S7 E46

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for 80s burger-van feuds, a keyboard prank that goes wildly “professional”, and a revenge plot involving five pounds of fish and three pints of…

  15. He’ll have to go & other tales

    · 41 min · S7 E45

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for RAF police “Batmobile” patrols that terrorise midnight Cluedo players… and accidentally spotlight the boss. Max relives a 1989 traffic jam,…

  16. You’ve been, you’ve been thunderstruck & other tales

    · 38 min · S7 E44

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for sibling “rugby practice” that ends in A&E, a holiday comeback that goes painfully wrong, a Dolly Parton impression and a truly grim Vaseline…

  17. In through the out door & other tales

    · 43 min · S7 E43

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for exam cheating in a lucky jumper, a welding lesson that goes catastrophically… south, and a nursing “snapshot” you may not want to hear while eating.…

  18. Oh! This is the greatest show & other tales

    · 40 min · S7 E42

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for naked ramblers, dodgy “shampoo”, and a circus moment nobody in grey trousers will ever forget. Jamie and Sara take a sat-nav shortcut…

  19. Hello clouds, hello sky & other tales

    · 43 min · S7 E41

    Step into the confessional with Father Simon and the Collective for a police mishap, a fishing adventure, a boarding school caper and a teacher prank. First Joe DiMaggio has an eventful break with his fellow police…

  20. The wind beneath my wings & other tales

    · 40 min · S7 E40

    Step into the confessional with Father Simon and the Collective for soup-based horror, airborne football crimes, and one truly catastrophic “wind” in an operating theatre. First, a classic from the crypt: Lorraine’s…

  21. Don’t go chasing waterfalls & other tales

    · 46 min · S7 E39

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for a vintage school-days reckoning, a Wembley fishbone emergency, lockdown jigsaw vengeance, and a fairground waterslide disaster. Nigel…

  22. All day long, all day long on the chaise lounge & other tales

    · 43 min · S7 E38

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for an episode full of sibling sabotage, supermarket shame, and the perils of damp underpants. Tim admits to a targeted reign of terror on his…

  23. Put the kettle on and make some tea & other tales

    · 46 min · S7 E37

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for another batch of confessions. In a classic from the crypt, a lonely trucker accepts one Guinness too many… then points a hopeful Beryl to entirely the…

  24. Hit me with your rhythm stick & other tales

    · 42 min · S7 E36

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the collective for a week of blocked sinks, fake hospital letters, and staff training-day chaos. First, Susie’s raspberry-peach smoothie turns into a fermented crime scene…

  25. It’s all too beautiful & other tales

    · 46 min · S7 E35

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for an episode featuring village newsletters, VHS carnage and a cigarette-based science experiment that absolutely shouldn’t be repeated. First,…

  26. Confessions from the Crypt Special

    · 29 min · S7 E34

    Step into the confessional for a special delve into the crypt for this week's episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! First: a Devon carnival prank goes full folk‑horror when a lovingly crafted coffin is launched into a…

  27. Beep beep, beep beep, yeah! & other tales

    · 41 min · S7 E33

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for a week of stains, spirits and seriously questionable decisions First up, a gem from the crypt: Soviet-era Ukraine, super-strength homemade vodka, and a…

  28. Missionary Impossible & other tales

    · 48 min · S7 E32

    Landing in your inbox on Good Friday (or whenever you’re brave enough to press play), Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective are back with Parish Notice Board gossip, five-star reviews, and a Not For Broadcast pile…

  29. The green green grass of home & other tales

    · 43 min · S7 E31

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Suzi, Sister Holly and Brother Matthew for another round of sins, five-star reviews, parish noticeboard gossip… and the dreaded Not For Broadcast pile. First, Tony’s…

  30. Can you dig it? Yes, you can & other tales

    · 42 min · S7 E30

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another week of packed confessions. First up Adam relives the three-channel era and, in a strop over Corrie, does the unthinkable… and…

  31. Libra and my name is charles & other tales

    · 31 min · S7 E29

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Holly and Brother Matthew for a slightly shorter episode that still delivers three absolute belters — plus Parish Notice Board gossip, five-star reviews, and a heated…

  32. Vanilla ice ice baby & other tales

    · 41 min · S7 E28

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confession Collective for another week of chaos, questionable logic, and tape-speed chat that nobody fully understands (7 and a half IPS, apparently). First: Clara’s…

  33. Blinded by the light & other tales

    · 44 min · S7 E27

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Suzi, Sister Holly and Brother Matthew for another week of chaos. First: a 1950s boarding school in Kenya where the boys welcome new UK teachers with the ultimate…

  34. A long time ago in a galaxy far far away… & other tales

    · 43 min · S7 E26

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for another week of sinful silliness, dubious logic, and a very firm reminder to… respect the cupboard. First up, Luke fakes a twisted ankle at his twins’…

  35. Zip a dee doo dah & other tales

    · 44 min · S7 E25

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for a week caught between Valentine’s Day love and Friday-the-13th superstition. First up: Litmus relives the childhood horror of £40 Caterpillar boots that…

  36. Big mouth strikes again & other tales

    · 41 min · S7 E24

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for another week of confession chaos. Sister Goldenhair attempts a 10-day silent meditation retreat in Thailand… only to be derailed by a tree frog, a “hot…

  37. Twisting the night away & other tales

    · 39 min · S7 E23

    Enter the confessional with Simon Mayo for another laugh-out-loud episode of Confessions! This week, hear Jo’s hilariously awkward tale of miscommunication involving "personal effects" that leads to a shocking…

  38. I got cat class and I got cat style & other tales...

    · 44 min · S7 E22

    Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo for another uproarious episode of confessions! This week, prepare for chaos as Professor Pat Pending shares his tale of friendly intentions gone awry in the bustling streets…

  39. You can ring my bell & other tales

    · 43 min · S7 E21

    Step into the confessional as Simon Mayo guides you through another hilarious episode of confessions! This week, join the uproarious antics of Naughty Nobby as he recounts his epic school pranks that spiraled out of…

  40. Are you not entertained & other tales...

    · 32 min · S7 E20

    Step into the confessional as Simon Mayo rings in 2026 with fresh confessions that are sure to tickle your funny bone. This week, meet the Fate Day Felon, who makes a questionable choice at a summer fate. Prepare for…

  41. Top 10 Confessions Countdown 2025 - Part One

    · 41 min · S7 E18

    Kick off the new year with a special treat in part one of Simon Mayo's Best of the Confessions Podcast! Join Simon and the Confessional Collective as they relive the top 10 confessions of 2025. You'll fine 10-6 right…

  42. Top 10 Confessions Countdown 2025 - Part Two

    · 41 min · S7 E19

    Despite Simon being sick at home the countdown continues. Join Simon Mayo and the Confessional Collective as they dive into part two of the 2025 Top 10 Confessions Countdown! In this hilarious episode, prepare for a…

  43. The fright before Christmas & other tales

    · 31 min · S7 E17

    Get ready for a jolly good time with Simon Mayo’s Confessions in this festive Christmas Eve special! Join Simon and the Confessional Collective as they dive into side-splitting confessions, starting with Nick's cheeky…

  44. Baby, it’s cold outside & other tales

    · 40 min · S7 E16

    Step into the festive spirit with the 100th episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! Join Simon and the Confessional Collective as they celebrate this milestone with hilarious tales of mishaps and misadventures. From…

  45. Search for the hero & other tales

    · 42 min · S7 E15

    Step into the uproarious world of Simon Mayo's Confessions in this week's episode! Join Simon and the Confessional Collective as they dive into hilarious mishaps, starting with Georgina's "Search for the Hero," a…

  46. One year out! & other tales

    · 38 min · S7 E14

    Join us for a wild and hilarious episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! Prepare for laughs as Martin and his son Rufus reminisce about a mishap in their family's past involving an oxy-acetylene torch, an old sewer cover,…

  47. Your cruel device & other tales

    · 38 min · S7 E13

    Welcome back to another side-splitting episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! This week, we're diving into the hilarity of parental pride gone awry as Mike shares a mortifying tale from the pub toilets. Another Mike has…

  48. He’s in the army now & other tales

    · 41 min · S7 E12

    Step into the hilarious chaos of Simon Mayo's Confessions in this week’s episode! We're kicking things off with Tom, who shares a childhood mishap involving an axe, his brother, and a dramatic trip to A&E—all while…

  49. Wired for sound & other tales

    · 42 min · S7 E11

    Gather round for another uproarious episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! This week, we set sail with Mr. Bartholomew Blackbeard, who recounts a hilariously chaotic night at a Caribbean rum bar that ends with a drunken…

  50. Richard Allinson saves the day & other tales

    · 40 min · S7 E10

    Step into the spooky confessional for a thrilling Halloween edition of Simon Mayo's Confessions! Join Father Simon and the entertaining Confessional Collective as they dive into mischievous tales that are both…

Shows are listed from Apple Podcasts' charts and directory, and Podcast Index where it is used. Every show and episode belongs to its publisher and plays from the publisher's own feed; this site hosts none of them. Explicit shows are for adult profiles only, and children’s profiles hear only children’s shows. More about this list.