How To Audit Your Mental Load with Prof. Leah Ruppanner
· 1 h 08 min · S8 E40
Episode How To Audit Your Mental Load with Prof. Leah Ruppanner
It’s time we talked about the mental load. Again.
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Consider this a companion episode to our infamous, most shared episode of 2023, The Elephant in the Relationship where Hugh and Penny introduced us to their mental load, and how they were trying to make it more equal in their relationship.
Today we’re sprinkling in some expertise and scientific data, as we’re joined by Professor Leah Ruppanner who explains to Hugh, Ryan and Josh that there’s actually 8 different types of mental load, and not all of them are draining.
Bringing examples from their own lives, Hugh, Ryan and Josh discuss with Leah why the mental load can seem like an insurmountable amount of emotional thinking, and how partners can better communicate to reduce anxiety-like symptoms and burnout.
We chat to Leah about the exacerbation of the mental load when chronic illness becomes part of the equation, and how to manage the mental load when there is no one to share it with.
Chapters
• 00:00:00 – TRAILER • 00:02:02 – The Mental Load is life changing for relationships • 00:03:11 – Mental Load definition: emotional thinking work • 00:05:41 – 3 characteristics of the mental load • 00:08:00 – Mental Load vs Burnout: Treat Your Energy Like a Budget • 00:14:19 – The Elephant in Hugh & Penny’s Relationship • 00:16:50 – Type 1: Life Organisation • 00:17:20 – Type 2: Emotional Support • 00:18:00 – Type 3: Relationship Hygiene • 00:19:03 – Type 4: Dream Building • 00:20:26 – Type 5: Magic Making • 00:25:00 – Type 6: Individual Upkeep • 00:27:30 – Type 7: Safety • 00:28:00 – Type 8: Meta Care (Doom Scrolling and the Mental Load) • 00:29:56 – How to do a mental load audit with your partner • 00:34:09 – Align your energy with your goals • 00:36:25 – Delegating tasks vs sharing the mental load • 00:38:24 – Shift work vs running the business • 00:40:30 – Birthday presents and the perfect mother myth • 00:41:30 – Mess: do men really not see it? • 00:44:50 – Why women feel judged • 00:48:41 – “Good enough is good enough” • 00:54:13 – Mental load in same sex couples • 00:57:07 – Why perspective + empathy matters • 00:58:13 – Mental load when you’re single, or your partner won’t engage • 00:59:02 – What a cancer diagnosis does for priorities • 01:05:45 – A Little More Imperfects: Mental Load at Work
🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode
• Hugh & Penny - The Elephant in the Relationship - https://bit.ly/4zNi0C4
📚Things to read
• Drained, by Leah Ruppanner (this one has the audit in it) - https://bit.ly/47RUyI5 • Motherlands, by Lead Ruppanner - https://bit.ly/3WjSCW0 • Men do see the mess, study by Leah Ruppanner et al. - https://bit.ly/4dTCaSq • Cognitive + Emotional Labour, research by Leah Ruppanner et al. - https://bit.ly/4eN3HFo
📺 Things to watch
• Inside Out - https://bit.ly/4yx5mG4
🂱 Things to do
• Fair Play Cards - https://bit.ly/3UFeWZK
💝 Breast Cancer Support
• Breast Cancer Network Australia - https://bit.ly/4igX8fj • McGrath Foundation - 1800 183 338 • Think Pink Foundation - https://www.thinkpink.org.au
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The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
Transcript
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