11.3.1: Family

Family

How do you define family? There is no right or wrong answer! Families are traditionally defined as the people with whom you are connected by blood, however, that is not a required characteristic. How we define family changes over our lifetimes. For many people, the first understanding of family starts off as the people who raised us or those who were raised among us, which could include biological parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, siblings, cousins, foster parents, adoptive parents, extended relatives, close friends, in-laws, and step-family members. As we age, who we identify as a family member continues to evolve as we experience new phases of life. We may move around, grow and mature, live with friends, date, marry, adopt or foster a child, divorce, and remarry. As adults, many people start to look at family membership as less of an involuntary relationship, and more of a voluntary choice.

To begin our discussion, let’s frame family as the people who raised you from childhood through adolescence, whether there is a biological connection or not. In either case, the bonds, experiences, and communication patterns you develop with the people who make up this type of relationship lays a foundation for all your relationships thereafter. This is because they model communication for us, and we learn from their example. The communication skills, norms, and expectations we learn from our families of origin become our starting point for interacting with the world. Let’s examine some common communication patterns within family relationships.

Think about how often you talk to your family. What do you talk about? Do you feel free to speak your mind? Now consider the table below, which again offers two different categories that intersect along two different spectrums.

In Figure \(\PageIndex{2}\), two different communication orientations are represented. Figure \(\PageIndex{2}\) refers to the degree to which family members interact and communicate about various topics. Conformity orientation refers to the degree to which a family expects uniformity of beliefs, attitudes, values, and behaviors. Conversation and conformity orientations intersect to create the following family climates: consensual, pluralistic, protective, and laissez-faire. In Figure \(\PageIndex{2}\) we see a square, divided into four boxes by two axes. Descriptions of the four types of families follow.