3.5.3: Act III

SCENE I

Enter the Princess, and the Lady Happy, with the rest of the Ladies belonging to the Convent.

Lady Happy.

MAdam,Your Highness has done me much Honour, to come from a Splendid Court to a retired Convent.

PRINCESS. Sweet Lady Happy, there are many, that have quit their Crowns and Power, for a Cloister of Restraint; then well may I quit a Court of troubles for a Convent of Pleasure: but the greatest pleasure I could receive, were.To have your Friendship.

LADY HAPPY. I should be ungrateful, should I not be not only your Friend, but humble Servant.

PRINCESS. I desire you would be my Mistress, and I your Servant; and upon this agreement of Friendship I desire you will grant me one Request.

LADY HAPPY. Any thing that is in my power to grant.

PRINCESS. Why then, I observing in your several Recreations, some of your Ladies do accoustre Themselves in Masculine-Habits, and act Lovers-parts; I desire you will give me leave to be sometimes so accoustred and act the part of your loving Servant.

LADY HAPPY. I shall never desire to have any other loving Servant then your Self.

PRINCESS. Nor I any other loving Mistress then Your-Self.

LADY HAPPY. More innocent Lovers never can there be,
Then my most Princely Lover, that's a She.

PRINCESS. Nor never Convent did such pleasures give,
Where Lovers with their Mistresses may live.

Enter a Lady, asking whether they will see the Play.

LADY. May it please your Highness, the Play is ready to be Acted.

The Scene is opened, the Princess and Lady Happy sit down, and the Play is Acted within the Scene; the Princess and the Lady Happy being Spectators.

Enter one drest like a Man that speaks the Prologue.

Noble Spectators, you shall see to night
A Play, which though't be dull, yet's short to sight;
For, since we cannot please your Ears with Wit,
We will not tyre your limbs, long here to sit.

SCENE II

Enter Two mean Women.

First Woman.

O Neighbour well met, where have you been?

WOMAN 2. I have been with my Neighbour the Cobler's Wife to comfort her for the loss of her Husband, who is run away with Goody Mettle the Tinker's Wife.

WOMAN 1. I would to Heaven my Husband would run away with Goody Shred the Botcher's Wife, for he lies all day drinking in an Ale-house, like a drunken Rogue as he is, and when he comes home, he beats me all black and blew, when I and my Children are almost starved for want.

WOMAN 2. Truly Neighbour, so doth my Husband; and spends not only what he gets, but what I earn with the sweat of my brows, the whilst my Children cry for bread, and he drinks that away, that should feed my small Children, which are too young to work for themselves.

WOMAN 1. But I will go, and pull my Husband out of the Ale-house, or I'le break their Lattice-windows down.

WOMAN 2. Come, I'le go and help; for my Husband is there too: but we shall be both beaten by them.

WOMAN 1. I care not: for I will not suffer him to be drunk, and I and my Children starve; I had better be dead.

Exeunt.

SCENE III

Enter a Lady and her Maid.

LADY. Oh, I am sick!

MAID. You are breeding a Child, Madam.

LADY. I have not one minutes time of health.

Ex.

SCENE IV

Enter Two Ladies.

First Lady.

WHy weep you, Madam?

LADY 2. Have I not cause to weep when my Husband hath play'd all his Estate away at Dice and Cards, even to the Clothes on his back?

LADY 1. I have as much cause to weep then as you; for, though my Husband hath not lost his Estate at play, yet he hath spent it amongst his Whores; and is not content to keep Whores abroad, but in my house, under my roof, and they must rule as chief Mistresses.

LADY 2. But my Husband hath not only lost his own Estate, but also my Portion; and hath forced me with threats, to yield up my Jointure, so that I must beg for my living, for any thing I know as yet.

LADY 1. If all Married Women were as unhappy as I, Marriage were a curse.

LADY 2. No doubt of it.

Exeunt.

SCENE V

Enter a Lady, as almost distracted, running about the Stage, and her Maid follows her.

LADY. Oh! my Child is dead, my Child is dead, what shall I do, what shall I do?

MAID. You must have patience, Madam.

LADY. Who can have patience to lose their only Child? who can! Oh I shall run mad, for I have no patience.

Runs off the Stage. Exit Maid after her.

SCENE VI

Enter a Citizen's Wife, as into a Tavern, where a Bush is hung out, and meets some Gentlemen there.

Citizen's Wife.

PRay Gentleman, is my Husband, Mr. Negligent here?

GENTLEMAN 1. He was, but he is gone some quarter of an hour since.

CITIZEN'S WIFE. Could he go, Gentlemen?

GENTLEMAN 2. Yes, with a Supporter.

CITIZEN'S WIFE. Out upon him! must he be supported? Upon my credit Gentlemen, he will undo himself and me too, with his drinking and carelessness, leaving his Shop and all his Commodities at six's and seven's; and his Prentices and Journey-men are as careless and idle as he; besides, they cozen him of his Wares. But, was it a He or She-Supporter, my Husband was supported by?

GENTLEMAN 1. A She-supporter; for it was one of the Maid-servants, which belong to this Tavern.

CITIZEN'S WIFE. Out upon him Knave, must he have a She-supporter, in the Devil's name? but I'le go and seek them both out with a Vengeance.

GENTLEMAN 2. Pray, let us intreat your stay to drink a cup of Wine with us.

CITIZEN'S WIFE. I will take your kind Offer; for Wine may chance to abate Cholerick vapours, and pacifie the Spleen.

GENTLEMAN 1. That it will; for Wine and good Company are the only abaters of Vapours.

GENTLEMAN 2. It doth not abate Vapours so much as cure Melancholy.

CITIZEN'S WIFE. In truth, I find a cup of Wine doth comfort me sometimes.

GENTLEMAN 1. It will cheer the Heart.

GENTLEMAN 2. Yes, and enlighten the Understanding.

CITIZEN'S WIFE. Indeed, and my understanding requires enlightening.

Exeunt.

SCENE VII

Enter a Lady big with Child, groaning as in labour, and a Company of Women with her.

OH my back, my back will break, Oh! Oh! Oh!

WOMAN 1. Is the Midwife sent for?

WOMAN 2. Yes, but she is with another Lady.

LADY. Oh my back! Oh! Oh! Oh! Juno, give me some ease.

Exeunt.

SCENE VIII

Enter two Ancient Ladies.

ANCIENT LADY 1. I have brought my Son into the World with great pains, bred him with tender care, much pains and great cost; and must he now be hang'd for killing a Man in a quarrel? when he should be a comfort and staff of my age, is he to be my ages affliction?

ANCIENT LADY 2. I confess it is a great affliction; but I have had as great; having had but two Daughters, and them fair ones, though I say it, and might have matched them well: but one of them was got with Child to my great disgrace; th' other run away with my Butler, not worth the droppings of his Taps.

ANCIENT LADY 1. Who would desire Children, since they come to such misfortunes?

Exeunt.

SCENE IX

Enter one Woman meeting another.

WOMAN 1. Is the Midwife come, for my Lady is in a strong labour?

WOMAN 2. No, she cannot come, for she hath been with a Lady that hath been in strong labour these three days of a dead child, and 'tis thought she cannot be delivered.

Enter another Woman.

WOMAN 3. Come away, the Midwife is come.

WOMAN 1. Is the Lady deliver'd, she was withall?

WOMAN 3. Yes, of life; for she could not be delivered, and so she died.

WOMAN 2. Pray tell not our Lady so: for, the very fright of not being able to bring forth a Child will kill her.

Exeunt.

SCENE X

Enter a Gentleman who meets a fair Young Lady.

GENTLEMAN. Madam, my Lord desires you to command whatsoever you please, and it shall be obey'd.

YOUNG LADY. I dare not command, but I humbly intreat, I may live quiet and free from his Amours.

GENTLEMAN. He says he cannot live, and not love you.

YOUNG LADY. But he may live, and not lie with me.

GENTLEMAN. He cannot be happy, unless he enjoy you.

YOUNG LADY. And I must be unhappy, if he should.

GENTLEMAN. He commanded me to tell you that he will part from his Lady for your sake.

YOUNG LADY. Heaven forbid, I should part Man and Wife.

GENTLEMAN. Lady, he will be divorced for your sake.

YOUNG LADY. Heaven forbid I should be the cause of a Divorce between a Noble Pair.

GENTLEMAN. You had best consent; for, otherwise he will have you against your will.

YOUNG LADY. I will send his Lordship an answer to morrow; pray him to give me so much time.

GENTLEMAN. I shall, Lady.

Exit Gentleman.

Lady Sola.

LADY SOLA. I must prevent my own ruin, and the sweet virtuous Ladies, by going into a Nunnery; wherefore, I'le put my self into one to night:
    There will I live, and serve the Gods on high,
    And leave this wicked World and Vanity.

Exeunt.

One enters and speaks the Epilogue.

Marriage is a Curse we find,
Especially to Women kind:
From the Cobler's Wife we see,
To Ladies, they unhappie be.
 

LADY HAPPY TO THE PRINCESS. Pray Servant, how do you like this Play?

PRINCESS. My sweet Mistress, I cannot in conscience approve of it; for though some few be unhappy in Marriage, yet there are many more that are so happy as they would not change their condition.

LADY HAPPY. O Servant, I fear you will become an Apostate.

PRINCESS. Not to you sweet Mistress.

Exeunt.

Enter the Gentlemen.

GENTLEMAN 1. There is no hopes of dissolving this Convent of Pleasure.

GENTLEMAN 2. Faith, not as I can perceive.

GENTLEMAN 3. We may be sure, this Convent will never be dissolved, by reason it is ennobled with the company of great Princesses, and glorified with a great Fame; but the fear is, that all the rich Heirs will make Convents, and all the Young Beauties associate themselves in such Convents.

GENTLEMAN 1. You speak reason; wherefore, let us endeavour to get Wives, before they are Incloister'd.

Exeunt.

Work Cited

Cavendish, Margaret. The Convent of Pleasure. Plays, never before printed, edited by Mary Mark Ockerbloom, 1668. Accessed 30 June 2026. (Public Domain).