The Topeka State Journal (Topeka, Kansas)
August 27, 1908

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THE T0PE1IA DAILY STATS JOURITAI-TIITOZDA? SVEITIITQ, ATOUST 27, 1CC3. T0PER1 ST1TE JOURIUL. By FRANK P. MAO MantAW. Kntered Ju!y t in, as ecmd-ela matter at the poatoffice t Tt ataa under tho act of oongress.1 VOLUME XXXV No.. 215 Official btate Pa pet. Official Paper City of Topes. OF SUBSCRIPTION. I Daily edition, delivered by carrier. H cents a week to any part of Topeka, or euburba. or at to lamt prica In any Kn aaa towoa where tt paper haa a earrler aratem. By mall, on year By mall, three month! Saturday adltlon of dally. one year... 1-0" TLSFUOMKaV "ERMANENT HOME Topeka State Journal building;. and PI Kanaaa avenue, cornar ol Eighth. New York Office: Flattron building, at Twenty-third street, comer Fifth areaue na Broadway. Pan! Block, manager. Chloae-o Office; Hartford building- Paal Block. manRrer. 1 VVUj LEASED WRE REPORT OF THE ASSOCIATE! PRm The Btate Journal la a member of the AaaocUted Preaa nd reeaivee the fuQ day telee-raph report of that great news or ganisation for the exclusive afteraooa Publication In Tooeka. The news la received m Tie Wet" Joor. i Mai building over .wires for this sole pur tinea HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY. j Subscriber of the tate Jotrrnnl lawny flaring ne .mmmer may hv i the paper malted reenfarly ench flay I to any adflre at the rnte of ten cents week or thirty cents it month fby mall only.) Address changed as often las desired. While ont of town the Stats Journal in be to yon like dally tetter from home, i Advance payment Is retrnested on Frhese short time subscriptions, to save hookVeenlne 'mrnaes. It's currently reported In the news papers that the Democrats of Kan was are "filled with confidence." This is a new brand or blend. Nicholas of Russia has something mora to worry about. His detective records have been stolen and are said to be in the hands of the revolution ists. John W. Kern, of Indiana, did not disappoint his friends and admirers on Tuesday last. He accepted the Democratic nomination for the vice presidency. The news of a day does not seem complete if it does not contain an ac count of a prize fight at some place In California. That state is welcome to all the glory it can get out of such affairs. In practice the deliberations of the first session of the Republican party council seemed to be quite as cut and dried as those of previous state con ventions when things were under the direction and supervision of a well regulated "maohlne." Ferdinand P. Earle, the artist of "affinity" fame, has been arrested for assaulting; his soul-mate. Wife beat ing is generally to be deplored but the woman in this case has deserved something of the. sort for quite a time, and so has Mr. Carle for that matter. Both the Democratic and the Re publican state platforms which were adopted here on Tuesday are exceed ingly strong in promisee and place the motives of the parties on high planes. But there's nothing strange about this. Political parties are ever strong with their promises. The two gentlemen of Republican tendencies and pugilistic proclivities who satisfied their honor with the spill ing of a little of each other's gore In the lobby of the Copeland the other day may be said to have at least quali fied themselves for the position of base ball umpires. Chief Phippy of Chicago, announces that all the bad gamblers have been driven from that town. Just like Chi cago. She never did have much toler ation for anything but the best. Al though It might be remarked in pass ing that it's the good gamblers who ars the most successful in relieving the credulous of their bank rolls. Women pay visits on each other for a variety of purposes but it has been left to the women of Iowa to Inaug urate and make popular a novel reas on for visiting. Whenever a woman in Iowa now desires to shuffle off the mortal coil she calls at a neighbor's house and takes poison or shoots her self there. Three suicides of this sort have occurred In Iowa lately. Among other things, there will be an abundance of good nature and smiles around the state Democratic headquarters during the campaign. General W. H. I Pepperell is again to serve as secretary of the state com mittee. A Democratic state cam palgn without General Pepperell near the helm would certainly be a mourn ful affair. Please mark this and be sure to keep It In mind. The gentlemen who controlled the first party council of the Republicans and therefore the present state organisation of that party are "representatives of the peo ple. The men who formerly had charge of the party's affairs were "pol iticians." There's quite a distinction Jn this but the difference is not unus ually great A professional hypnotist recently visited the headquarters of the Repub lican national committee and launched a new scheme for Republican success, He says he can mesmerize people eas ily and not only can put them to sleep but can make them do anything he wants them te. He proposed that he be permitted, for adequate pay of course, to attend unfriendJy mass RntnMi Office Bn WT Buelneaa Office Jnd- JJJ (Reporters' Room importers' Room BJ meetings and put the people attend ing them to sleep until after election day. This would certainly add to the gayety of the campaign. This man also might be. valuable in working out on reluctant and hesitating contribu tors to the campaign funds. WASTE LANDS 'TO BLOOM. If it is possible to create, a genuine Interest In anything besides party poli tics at the end of next September, Al buquerque, N. M.. will demonstrate its ability In that direction, when between September 29 and October 10, the six teenth annual session of the Natlona Irrigation congress will be held there It may be freely admitted that the occasion will be one of International Interest, and coming, as it will, short ly after the meeting of the governors at Washington to devise plans for the conservation of the national resources of the country, by and with the guid ance of the president of the United States its significance promises that which none of Its predecessors could have given rise to. At this time almost the entire coun try has been roused te the need for reclamation of the waste areas In the semi-arid regions of the west and the work already done in that di rection has been of sufficient extent and has produced such striking results as to awaken an Interest in many thou sands of people who had hitherto re garded irrigation and land reclamation topics as of the dry-of-dust, not-to-be- bothered-with variety. At Albuquer que, next month, leading spirits of the territory, aided by railroad interests tributary thereto, and by federal offi cials at Washington who might natur ally be expected to lend a hand, are to take up the general subject of reclama tion of arid and semi-arid lands of the west, with a view to adding in a prac tical way to the areas under cultiva tion. Among people of official or other prominence to attend are the vice pres ident of the United States, the secre tary of the Interior, probably the sec retary of agriculture, the chief of the bureau of forestry and the engineer of the reclamation service, all of whom are expected to make addresses, to gether with a distinguished company of foreigners, among them engineers who have had practical experience In the work of irrigation and desert re clamation along the lines laid down by modern science. It is expected, also, that a number of representatives of the diplomatic corps at Washington will attend the gathering. A primary object of the congress, of course, la to induce the house of representatives and the senate to come to the further aid of the work which the irrigation congress has been carrying on for 15 years. In furtherance of this, there are to be offered as exhibits the eleven reclamation projects which the con gress has fathered 'and worked for, some of which are completed, and oth ers of which will be completed before the end of the year. But there are 17 other like enter prises to be taken care of. The eleven which have been or are soon to be com pleted cost nearly 119,000,000 and bring Into use 600,000 acres of land, which was formerly desert. Altogether the 28 projects will reclaim nearly 1,000,000 acres and, in round numbers, will cost about $70,0?0,000. On March 1, last, en gaged in these vast enterprises, there were employed at Washington, in office work, more than 4,400 olerks and others. In addition to the 10,780 laborers at work for contractors, the expenditure entailed being at the rate of $1,000,000 a month. It may be added. Incidentally, that the results of the activities of the Irrigation congress, and the co-operation extended by the national govern ment, luclude the establishment of eight towns, the building of 100 miles of railway and the settlement of 14,000 persons on what was formerly desert and waste land, "where It was Impos sible to produce crops before water came." It Is some such exhibit as this which Is needed to drive it all home to the appreciation of the people of the entire country, no matter how far they are removed from the region where arid lands are to be found. In order to make clear the vast importance to the coun try of the work in which the irriga tion congress is engaged for which reason the sixteenth annual session of this congress ought to, and probably will be an enthusiastic success. THE COMMODITY CliAUSE. While the country awaits the decis ion of the courts as to the constitu tionality of the commodity clause of the rate law, the lawyers for the rail road in the test case brought by the government are laying out their line of attack. The Reading Railroad com pany has Just filed Its answer In the suit. It declares that the commodity clause is so loosely drawn that, even if the principle is established by the court. It cannot be intelligently en forced. It holds the clause unconsti tutional because it unfairly differen tiates between classes of commodities; that while the law prohibits railroads from carrying, except for their own use, any commodity of which they are the owners, the Important exception is made of timber and manufactured products. The Reading says in effect that it is unfair for the government to prohibit one company from carrying its own coal and permitting another to carry Its own lumber. This apparent favoritism, the answer says, invalidates the whole clause. A possible reason for the exemption of timber in the rate law is offered by Professor W. D. Lewis In a recent ar ticle in the Harvard Law Review. To encourage the building of railroads through the west, as is well known, the government gave great tracts of timber land as subsidies. This legal writer holds it only fair to the com panles which still retain parts of this land to allow them to transport the product of their timber tracts to. mar ket. To deprive them of this right would In effect be violating the contract made between the government and Jhe railroad companies years ago. This view carried to its logical conclusion, would seem to demand that if these railroad should find coal deposits un derlying their grants they should be allowed also to transport the coal to market. But all his is a matter for the courts and the lawyers. Mean while the government is allowing the commodity clause of the rate law to stand on the statute books as a dead letter. JOURNAL ENTRIES The average self-made man needn't worry about taking out a patent. Many a courtship runs on until the girl Is nearly frantic for a chance to say "no." A woman has a phonograph beaten several blocks In that she can talk for hours without any winding up.

If a young lad had his choice he would probably prefer to be called a billy-goat rather than "a precious lit tle lamb." A bachelor Is worse off than a mar ried man because the latter is afraid of only one woman while the former is afraid of all of them. JAYHAWKER JOTS A farmer living near Larned raised a crop of wheat this year which aver aged thirty-three bushels to the acre. The Marshall County News declares that Brlstow was defeated by a major ity of 1,200. It referred, however, to the county seat fight between Brlstow and Sapulpa, in Butler county. Okla homa. Stubbs, Brlstow and, the corn crop all made a landing In one week. "That ought to be enough for anybody," tajs the Jewell County Republican. At any rate the majority of the people eppear satisfied, is the conclusion of Mr. Bristow'a paper. David Leahy, editor of the Wichita Eagle, finds, himself the Democratic nominee for coroner of Sedgwick county. The space was blank on the primary ballots and a few of Mr. Leahy's friends wrote his name in. Some wags also nominated "Sam" Amidon for Justice of the peace by the same means. 1 1 s the opinion of the Wichita Eagle that to be perfectly honest about it Saiina would prefer to be known as the town having a pennant winning baseball team rather than to be spok en of as the home of a United States senator. A word from the Saiina Jour nal on this subject would be interest ing. In the past two years we have printed a number of stories that the new people had gotten "on" the old timers, but here It is where the old timer has come through again: A bunch of men who had located in the country during the last two years were talking when one of them turned to an old timer and asked: "Say, did you ever see such weather as this before and did it last so long?" "Yes sir," re plied the o. t, as he delivered about a quart of tobacco Juice at a swarm of files feeding on a banana peeling in the street, "Saw the warm breezes blowing just like these for about two months and the nit got worse." Lib eral News. Says the Spring Hill City Era: "We are late again this week after having made every effort to get our vile sheet out on time. Our gasoline engine took a moody spell and 'nagged' all day on presi day. Don't cuss about it, for we haveattended to that part of the business for you all. Our engine is not an old trap of a thing, but is al most new, we hate to take an ax and break in its ribs, although we confess that that is what we feel like doing. When Sclomon said that all was vanity and vexation of spirit he must have looked down the lane of time and have had some sort of an idea ct what a gasoline engine would be like." Bent Murdock says: "One of the Pl'isbury flour mills in Minneapolis, Minn., has gone bust, while hundreds of other business concerns which have been kept alive by railway discrim ination, will close. The Minneapolis mill had the inside on railway rates and could ship Kansas winter wheat to that city, mix it with Minnesota spring wheat, make it into flour, ship it back to Kansas ana undersell Kan sas made flour. But the people have waked up and it being no longer pos sible for the Minnesota trust owned mill to Becure special rates, it goes Into the hands of a receiver, while from now on Kansas wheat will be ground by Kansas mills and the pro duct sold on the market in honest competition with other mill pro ducts." POINTED PARAGRAPHS. Prom the Chicago News.l Man who marry for looks seldom get good cooks. Holidays are more pleasant in con templation than in fact. A girl thinks a man is brave because he isn't afraid to swear. But for our sorrows we should be unable to appreciate our Joys. A lot of men strive for fame because Of the money that goes with it. A man Is always willing to confess faults that he thinks he hasn't. Any man who sits around and waits for an easy job is a grafter at heart. The only way a young man can make his money last is to make it first. Do you know of anything that is more unfriendly than friendly critic ism? One of the first things an art student should learn to draw is his own con clusions. A shiftless man in a small town elth er harbors a lot of worthless dogs or plays a fiddle. A sugar-coated pill Is one of the few things that successfully combine pleas ure with business. There would be less trouble in this world if people were permitted to be happy in their own way. When a man argues with a woman it seems that he doesn't know what he is talking about from her point of view. It doesn't take much painting and up holstering to transform the average woman into a handsome piece of furni ture. REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR. I Prom the New York Press. It takes a smart girl to look pretty when she Isn't. A good way not to understand a woman is to marry her. When a girl knows you love her she always expresses doubt or it. -More men would marry If they didn't have to acquire good habits. In these days girls don't think themselves shopworn until they have been enraged at least tare times. J KANSAS COMMENT SHORN BY THE SHEARS. In the course of his bankruptcy pro ceedings, Harry Thaw made public the amounts he had paid the lawyers who defended him at hie various trials and examinations, and the figures illustrate the merciless rapacity of the men who, in rescuing him from the electric chair, consigned him to a lunatic asy lum. Half a dozen lawyers have bled the Thaws for enough to make them wealthy, and lawyers are still dividing the spoils. Had they secured the young man his liberty, tnere might have been some excuse for them; had they remained loyal to him, after stripping him, they might deserve re spect; but Thaw's condition is about as bad as it could be, and at every stage he has to engage new lawyers. The old ones seem to abandon him as soon as they receive their money. A good many of Thaw's creditors will probably have to accept a percent age of what they claim is due them, but the lawyers will got everything that is coming to them. The miserable youth who wears out his existence in jails and asylums is worthy of com passion at least; poor, discouraged, fleeced, friendless, he has received far more than the usual punishment ac corded the opulent slayer. Emporia Gazette. PRAISE FOR TAX COMMISSION. -The Ottawa Herald notes that the Kansas state tax commission is re ceiving all kinds of compliments from the taxing officials of other states for Its work this year. A letter recently received from William R. Lloyd, secre tary of the state tax commission of Alabama, la particularly compliment ary. He wants a copy of every blank put out by the Kansas commission and says: "What the Kansas commission has done would be a miracle in this state. It is wonderful and I want to know what means were employed to succeed in accomplishing it." With the progress that has already been made In establishing a fair basis for taxation in Kansas, one can but won der at the hestitancy of earlier legisla tures In attacking this proposition. At more than one of these sessions com missions were aDOointed to make a study of the problem of taxation, and report to the next legislature, but when these reports were submitted tfie legislators always hesitated to en dorse them. Finally the beginninr has been made, however, and the work should be pushed until ke have the fairest taxation system of any state In the Union, a task that is not Impossi ble. Meanwnue it Is some satisfaction to know that our efforts along this line are being watched In other states and applauded. Leavenworth Times. INSOLENCE OF; THE BREWER. One of the nerviest exhibitions of the 111 feeling of brewers toward Wiohita is given by the Schuster Brewing Co. A Wichita man brought to The Beacon office today a check re cently sent by the Schuster Brewing Co. for empty beer bottles. The com pany had gone to the extent of stamp ing on one corner of the check these words: "This is a check on prohibi tion." This is the spirit of Insolence which characterizes the liquor seller when he's In power. He hates all law, and has a contemptuous regard to ward those who seek to curb his traf fic. He is the one man doing a busi ness under license who thinks he should run all night, all day Sunday and sell to whom he pleases. -Wichita Beacon. FROM OTHER PENS PROBLEM OP THE RAILROADS. Something is radically wrong in our Industrial and railroad system when. in times of poor trae and money strin gency, freight rates and labor charges must be increased. Ordinary economic laws do not work that way, hence there exists something very abnormal, if the railroads are to be believed. The com panies are not to be implicitly believed, however, as it Is a well known fact that the railroads were the first to cut down the number of their employes and reduce expenses to meet the shrinking traffic resulting from the panic. If they have found -it difficult to borrow money during the panic period, and are still compelled to be content with less than they would like, their experience is not very different from that of most other people. The main trouble with the railroads has been that during the period of great business development and expan sion they stretched their credit to the limit and incurred much new indebt edness for extensions that have not paid as handsomely as was expected. Being in many cases overcapitalised, they have suffered the inevitable con sequences of such conditions, and must now retrench and cut their coat more in keeping with their- cloth. Instead of increasing freight rates and imposing additional burdens upon business which business can scarcely bear, theroads should endeavor to Increase their traffic by Improving their facilities and giving shippers more consideration. An increase in rates would be resented In prosperous times, but at present, with business but barely showing a re vival from the panic, the proposed in crease will be. fought in every possible way. 'That the railroads have suffered not a little from ill-advised legislation is probable enough, but now that there Is growing up a disposition to treat the roads with greater fairness it would be very bad policy to again incite re sentiment by imposing an additional burden upon every business man in the country and upon the masses who con sume the goods transported, and thus revive legislative hostility. New Or leans Picayune. NEWSPAPERS AND LIBRARIES. Melvil Dewey, whose name is fa miliar to most librarians in connection with his system of cataloguing, has been telling a Chautauqua audience something about the new function of the library. It is Mr. Dewey's pronounced atti tude in favor of the daily newspaper, however, which marks his difference most clearly from the older Ideas as to the function of a library. The modern dally newspaper, which is apparently merely tolerated In some libraries and almost wholly banished from others, is looked upon by Mr. Dewey as having more influence than the modern uni versity in the education of mankind. Such a dictum will be regarded by some librarians as little short of revo lutionary. In the Astor library, for In stance, the only newspaper available to the reader is the London Times, and it is handed out on'y by request and with evident reluctance. Investigators have also discovered that the Astor "takes In" another London newspaper, which, however, it Is ever more dif ficult to get a sight of than of the Times. There are bound volumes of the city newspapers, but the readers of the dally press of yesteryear as a role are not numerous, New York World. CHOICE OP OCCUPATIONS. or at a blacksmith's anvil toll 'iu oi weir lives despoil. To furnish chops and steaks, ra hate to alt and sew and snip Or over horses crack a whip Or with a mason's chisel chip Hard stone away in flakes. I would not sail the ocean's brine. Id want no soldier's life in mine. To bake or brew I would decline If I were asked to choose. I d not care for the barber's trade Nor would I work where shoes were made At these pursuits I am afraid My interest I'd lose. Wrrtm fMI All bi.x. -r. Hard labor goea against the grain. w ww unts iu ieue jny Drain Or soU my hands, I've found. I don't OtllMt tfl Hravlnv now But if I had my choice I'd 'iv. "Just give me three square meals a day And let me loaf around." Chicago News. Cancer Serum Discovery. If it be true, as reported from St. Louis, that a serum has been discov ered by a New York physician that will cure cancer, then the world will owe to him Immeasurable gratitude. Dr. Cleveland H. Schutt, one of the physicians at the city hospital, St. Louis, announces that two patients treated by him with the serum have been discharged as cured. They were received at the hospital some weeks ago suffering from cancerous growths' in advanced stages. Monday last they were discharged, every symptom of the malady having disappeared. Bacteriologist have long been searching for the cancer germ and an antitoxin for its destruction. Perhaps, with the exception of researches in the disease of consumption, no other form of illness has been given the attention of scientists that cancer has. And it has baffled them all. It is a terror to humanity because of Its slow, yet deadly, growth. Attack ing the vital tissues, the germs work through until each molecule is de stroyed. Surgeons have been known to remove the stricken tissues when first attacked, and thus prevented sub sequent visitation. Yet these Instances have been few. In most cases cancer is hereditary. Still, It rarely comes to the healthy in dividual. It is when one has been weakened, his system unable to resist the germs and bacteria of the air, that he becomes a victim. So it is with pneumonia, tuberculosis ana rheuma tism. Thousands of men and women suc cumb every year to cancer. When one knows he Is possessed of the malady he knows, too, that there is little hope. The days to follow are days of misery and despair. And if there has been found a remedv for cancer's eradication, the discoverer will have added a blessing to all hu manity. New York American. Life in Troubled Haiti. Dislike of seeing others of their race prosper is a trait that crops out in the Haitian character In the frequent up risings. In the majority of these the better class have no part, for the real aristocrats take no part in political af fairs. Many of the Haitian presidents have been both cruel and corrupt, and it seems surprising that the whole sys tem of government has not crumbled long ago. The entire republic is governed by a network of generals, who hold In their hands the power of life and death. These men rule after a fashion of a school boy bully, and deal out Justice in a cruel manner. It would be unfair not to say that soma of these men are really capable and are doing the best they know for the welfare of their country; but these are hopelessly in the minority. The Haitian official can do more ex asperating things to annoy a foreigner, and give him more trouble in a polite way, than any other man in the same capacity on the globe. Demanding one's passport at the most inopportune times is his principal occupation just now, and if I had not felt absolutely sure that a Haitian officer feared the American government as heartily as he hated her citizens, I might, perhaps, have been alarmed when, in Jactnel, two soldiers were sent out to bring me riefore the commanding officer. As I walked into the ill-smelling room, where a tawdrily dressed negro sat, the soldiers stacked tneir guns in the door. In order that I might not escape. This official demanded my passport, which he scrutinized careful lv. at the same time eyeing me sus piciously. Then my camera must be opened and examined. Finally, after 15 or 20 minutes. I was allowed to go. but ever after that during my stay in the town I was under the watchful eye of a soldier. C. R. Miller in Leslie's Weekly. Twice ia a Minute. a ,tta on lArtHral fttorm had halted a baseball game, In which he was piaying, iwiwn AimmoiiB, Bloomington, Ohio, was knocked flat by lightning, which struck the ground a few feet from him. However, he at once regained his feet, and tried to climb a wire fence, when another flash came, the bolt hitting the barrier. Alle mang fell as if pierced with a bullet. Unconscious, he was carried to a hotel, where he finally revived. a lumdnff! riirrl exnerience with lightning. He was struck three years ago. .mciauLi ounui.c. Squirrels Are Weather Prophets. John Linch of Oil City has a pair of squirrels which he brought home from the Oklahoma oil fields a year or two ago which he declares are infallible weather prophets. On Friday morn ing he went to feed the animals and Uiev refused to be coaxed into the open. He notified his wife that there would be a storm later in the dav and, was ridiculed, as there was then no outward indications of any bad weath er The downpour which followed convinced the incredulous Mrs. Linch that the squirrels were real weather prophets. Philadelphia Record. QUAKER MEDITATIONS. From the Philadelphia Record. The Lord also helps them that help Others. The man who ia in love with him self need fear.no rival. Even the high flyer must eome down to earth once in a while. Even when her sight is perfect the freckled girl wears specks. A fellow doesn't have to be an ath lete to Jump at conclusions. A man may have a smoking jacket without having clothes to burn. Can a fellow bring a girl to time by carrying her picture tn his watch? Long engagements demonstrate that keeping company Is cheaper than keeping a wife. You can't always make the head of the -house believe that two heads are better than one. Blobbs "The man who is always talking about bis achievements) might employ his time to a better advan tage." Slobbs "Yes, he might be talking about ours." "A man deserves a great deal of credit for keeping his troubles to him self." remarked the Wise Guy. "Yes, especially when so many people want to borrow them," added the Simple Mo THE EVENING STORY ksae-- J The King's English. (By George M. A. Cain.) Time was. when Nellie Moore en joyed two distinctions above the other pretty girls who sold everything conceivable from the counters of the big store on Sixth avenue. The first of these distinctions was that of be ing the cleverest manipulator of the latest slang. The second was that of being Michael Moloney's "steady com pany." When Mike had arrived from the Emerald Isle and had been made a clerk in the branch of the Amalga mated Tea Stores company all on the same day, he had been easily per suaded by some frienda who had pre ceded him into the land of freedom to attend a dance of the Moonlight Athletio association In the evening. There Nellie had seen him, and, see ing, had been well impressed. "Who's the new Harp?" she had asked with well-disguised interest. Whereupon she was duly presented to "Mr. Maloney. Just over from Dub lin." Perhaps It was the unconvention ally of her conversation that attracted the young Irishman from the start. Perhaps it was her fresh, young Deauty. perhaps it was the snap and go that marked all she said and did. At all events, Mike and Nellie were "steadies" from that evening forth. In another sense Michael Maloney was as steady a young man as ever be came a citizen of New York, and when he was promoted to the position of manager in the branch store being his sweetheart became a real dis tinction for Nellie. But shortly after Michael's pro motion Nellie acquired a new distinc tion which entirely eclipsed one of her old ones and certainly went far towara nmsmng tne other, it an be gan innocently enough. No one would have suspeoted the results when she borrowed one of Laura Jean Libbey novels. There was no sign of danger until sne had got well on toward the end of the book. In fact, at the middle of the sec ond page the girl had handed the .vol ume back to its owner with the com ment, "I can't dope out this talk." But the other had urged perseverance, as. suring Nellie that she would get used to the "swell guy" talk of the story and that the tale itself was "somepun grand." And, sure enough, at page 223 Nellie was sneaaing real tears over tne sor rows of the heroine. She nearly forgot to wait on customers, so absorbed had she become. The worst of it was that she had become fascinated with the "swell-guy talk" itself. At the end of the book she began anew to study the lofty phrases of the empty conversa tions, for she had been converted to the Idea that really nice people used that sort of language Instead of the very lucid style of her past colloquies, She Instituted a process of self-refor mation. She suddenly forsook the dances of the Moonlight Athletes. She went to night school classes in English. She attended lectures on English at the Settlement house. Her progress in the improvement of her conversational style was a thing to delight the hearts of the Settlement workers. In two weeks she had got so far that. instead of remarking that it was a "swell day," she imparted to Mamie McDonnel that "the sun bids fair to shed his illuminating rays unimpeded by nebular obstacles. Mamie promptly admonished her to "come off the roof." One by one her old friends all forsook her and left her to the society of a pocket dictionary and grammar and more Of Mrs. Lib- bey. Her little brothers and sisters took to spending their evenings on the sidewalk, beyond her correcting in fluence and calm. Her father and mother openly sighed in relief when she sailed forth to at' tend her classes. But all these things only added zest to her earnestness by giving It a flavor of martyrdom.: She had the makings of a real reformer. It was when she undertook to reform Michael that she waded In the waters of real sacrifice to principle. Michael did not yet know how to wield the east side slang, but he had a brogue that could be cut only with an axe. And that brogue was incompatible with Nellie's new ideas of the refinement that must mark her future home. At first she explained her lofty am bitions to her lover. He assented ratn er vaguely to the proposition. He even agreed to help her upward move, but his Interest began to languish when she corrected his pronunciations. For awhile he would repeat his words a second time with solemn earnestness. Then he merely said "all right," to her interruptions of his disquisitions, and went on with what he was saying. He was hard hit by Cupid's arrows, and was willing to stand for a good deal. But on the evening when he had screwed up his courage to the point of asking that their relation as "steady company" be changed to that of a real betrothal. In spite of his misgivings about the recent changes in ner make up, she made a fatal mistake. "Don't call me 'swate-hea-rt," she said petulantly. "It should be pro nounced 'sweetheart.' His while de claration of unbounded love had been given In language very different from that of similar declarations In the works of Mrs. Libbey, and she felt dis- aDDolnted. His response to her correction must have been even more disappointing. The brief expletive used was more en lightening to Nellie than any other words could have been. It showed her that, in her beautiful programme of home refinement, of polite conversation, of high thinking and speaking, Michael Maloney was incapable of taking a part. Promptly she explained to him that he felt convinced that future years would find them happier for avoiding the error of continued inenasnip. xne venture of matrimony would be peril ous where dispositions were so widely at variance. She hoped that he would remember her as she would remember him, etc. etc She had a good deal of Mrs. Libbey by nearu iPwiTn all of which. Michael gathered Hat he was being turned down. He walked away, his big shoulders stoop t hi. lonka drooped over his freck led face. And Nellie walked the other way. her back very straignt, ner uieny iim hat verv hi eh over her eyes. which showed a strong suspicion of moisture. No more did she suggest to her moth er that she needed exercise when she came home in time to hear one of the younger Mores being sent on an errand to the tea store. No more did she arrive at that em porium of close-priced groceries Just at the hour of closing. No more did she walk the shaded bowers of Stuyvesant square leaning upon Michael Maloney s manly arm. not for a while. She spent a still greater amount of her spare time at the Settlement house, improving her English, for a while. It was one Saturday afternoon in July that she sat. in a front seat in no lecture hall of the institution for Nellie Mores. A Very famous author- I Ity bad ooadesoended to speak to the children of the slums. And. no tt one remark. NeHie sat very erect and tried to look wise and not wish she was down to Coney Island with Michael Maloney. After the making of that remark. Nellie sat rather limn lnnV. tanwl the door, and wished she were away annum, anywnere. -xne great autnoruy had stated distinotly that "the very best English spoken In the world is that of Dublin, Ireland." With the directness of the Ameri can girl under such circumstances she maris har van Kamk. .v.. Just at the time when the clerks had nome, ana Mike was tnere finish ing up. She Invested In a ran r corn. Then she asked Michael If he would accompany her home. As Bonn aa thav wara, mwA aha began her apology. "Michael, it ia my desire to request your pardon for my ancrvoua errors as to your use of English. I have learned today for the first time that the inhabitants ot the ClrV flf Ttllhlln ara 1 m u in. wav a amples of correct usage of our mother IV1LBUB. "Is that so?" asked Michael, the hopeful look fading, then swiftly re turning as he looked at her. "I nlwer gave much thotie-ht tn imi. There Is another matter fa worri tin' me a bit more. Will ye marry me, Nellie More?" "Yes, Michael." She still held out for the full name. It was somewhere near Port Wadarworth that he pressed her, lit tle hand to his Hps for the twentieth time as they sat in a secluded oorner of the Coney Island steamboat. It was about the same place that he ventured to risk the truth. "Nellie, me darilnt, maybe ye wont be taking me afther all. But Ol cud denCt be lying to ye. Ol nlwer saw Dublin in all me life. Sure. Ol come from Cork." Nellie did not withdraw her hand. She gave the first real, hearty laugh that had passed her Hps In months. "Aw, quit yer kiddln," she said gayly. "I've got troubles of my own thlnkin' what a dub I've been. Why, Mike I'd love you if you was a Dutch man." (Copyrighted, 1108. by As sociated Literary Press.) HUMOR Of THE RAY Binks (who ordered a pancake half an hour previously) Er I-ay, will that pancake be long? WaitreseKo, air; It'll be round. Then he waited patiently an other half hour. Philadelphia Inquirer. s Johnny Smokin' cigarettes la dead sure ter hurt wr. Jimmv n'nnl vKa a git dat Idee? Johnsy From pop, Jimmy wu jim. stnrigin yer, jonnny-no, he wzn't strlngln' me; he wus strappln me. Dat's how I know it hurts, Phila delphia Press. "I will give you a penny If you'll prom ise to be good while I'm away. Johnny." "What'll you rive me if I'll be good when you get back home?" 'Til give you some thing if you are not good then." Houston Post. Tommy Pop, a rooster doesn't have hair, does he? Tommy's Pop No, my son. Tommy Then what good does It do him to have a oomb? Philadelphia Rec ord. Musician What makes you think that women are better pianists than men? Non-musician Their arms are not so strong. Cleveland Leader. Tese Mr. Dudley is very attentive to you, I notice. I suppose congratulations will soon be In order. Jess They're In or der now. Tees Indeed? Jess Tea. I re jected him last night. Philadelphia Press. Knlcker How does that emrrch take up such a large collection? Bocker Was It taken np by a waiter? New York Sun. "Madam," said the dog catcher; "you will have to buy a muzzle for that dog or I'll take him to the pound." "We have a mucsle for him. but Willie is using it as a catcher's mask." Chicago Record-Herald. "Do you think the world is growing worse?" Dunno as 'tis," responded the old man. "They're tellln' the very fish stories I heard when I was a boy." Phil adelphia Ledger. Mrs. H. I hear you resigned your posi tion as Treasurer of the "Don't Worry" olub. Mrs. C Yes. No one cared wheth er they paid their dues, so what was the use Life. Barkeep Wot'll yeh have? Stood en t B Got any champagne on Ice. Barkeep Sure. Stoodent B Gimme a nickel's worth of Ice. Cornell Widow. Stella There Is to be a porch campaign Bella Well, the Secretary will need a mighty strong hammock. New York Sun. The Grocer What is It you're grumbling at anyhow? D'ye want the earth? The Customer No. sir, I don't; certainly not In the sugar. The Tattler. "What's that big building over there?" "That's the Home for A?ed and Indigent Persons Who Have Been Mentioned for the Vice Presidency." Cleveland Plain Dealer. It's all right to marry blindly If only you can be sure of staying blind. Puck. GLOBE SIGHTS. From the Atchison Globe. Carelessness causes more wrecks than rum. Another thing a woman always hates: a stepfather. Same people never get to the front, because they stop and talk too often. A vegetarian in town always refers to a meat market as the "morgue." If a man occasionally escapes pun ishment when he deserves It, It will be made up to him when he does not deserve it. The older a man grows, the earlier he decides every day that he will do the thing which will make him a great man, tomorrow. An Atchison bride made hash the other morning with sweet potatoes, ar guing that the best man In the world should have something a little extra. Buckwheat cakes that taste good for breakfast, and make a man feel like committing murder the rest of the day, will soon make their appearance. When a girl is in love with a man, the people say "she Is Just about crazy over that fellow," but you seldom hear about the man being crasy over the girl Here of late when a visiting girl goes home, her hostess promptly ac companies her in order to get what is coming to her before her guest's mem ory gets cold. A boy at school learns to read ia about three weeks. After that, he never learns a thing. Take a boy out of school after he learns to read, and be will know about as much as a mas. as the boy who graduated at a col lege. Nearly all the lessons taught the young are untrue. The pleasant no tions we Invent to encourage the young are too often mischievous falsehoods Many young people who find nothing but disappointment, become disgusted with the world, whereas they would have been content had they been told the truth. The world Is good enough, and we cannot Improve It by weak sen-tlmentallem.

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