The Widow (Cornell University Student Magazine) of January 17, 1924

Page 1

| | sa aR eee CZ > Sa, Lr * rapt hey — pg lle, = Cd SoS S CP ff ; 7 Lewin ~~ aSISo se c eS ORY Se > ow, oS eo a, FIZZ Zo aa NNN Zz eZ TL iff ‘Up. Z4 LI TLL Lee ZZ ence ae = ws XN eee. th \ Sin WAS Cw * 1 a7 ——S “SSS ?s0nGieee ttt 2 as 5 eee en Se (2 ap me = (| te POT " AS Syl? WARS , | | OS = WARES = 2 eS

Page 2

Whole Nut Meats Brazil Filbert Clusters English Walnut Clusters Almond Clusters Peanut Clusters Pecan Clusters A very special appeal to the taste of those who want the best nut meats the markets of the world afford, com- bined with chocolate of Whitman’s Super Extra Quality. There are no combination centers in this package— nothing but nuts, whole nut meats thickly coated with delicious chocolate. We believe the kinds are assorted to appeal to most tastes. We know that the package is a first favorite with many good judges of fine confections, and its popularity has increased steadily for many years. Nuts Chocolate Covered is one of Whitman’s Quality Group of special candy assortments for discriminating lovers of sweets. This package has a special Hallowe’en wrapper for that holiday. All Whitman’s chocolates are sold only by selected stores in every neighborhood that are chosen as agents for the sale of Whitman’s. Every agency receives frequent fresh supplies direct. Every pack- age of Whitman’s is guaranteed to be fresh and to give complete satisfaction. STEPHEN F. WHITMAN & SON, Inc., Philadelphia, U.S. A. Also makers of Whitman’s Instantaneous Chocolate, Cocoa and Marshmallow Whip Chocolates WOH we Special QA BPN Cornell k \\"1TT/ Package Whitman’s famous candies are sold by The Co-op (has exclusive sale of Cornell Package) John L. Hunsinger The Goodie Shops Manos & Georgiou Cornell Confectionery J. P. & J. G. Papayanakos Students’ Candy Shop Conomikes & Marinos W. H. Miller Drug Co., Ine. Cozy Corner (J. N. Chacona) Geo. Manos James Floros R. C. Osborn Co. Ask for special Cornell package with ribbon and seal —

Page 3

ill, 008 @ 4 S — bs, A | ~ SISES SESS , these tires are Kellys.” id you, Margie ’t let them k ins Don 7 y

Page 4

The Widow “bdow FOUNDED 1894 INCORPORATED 1912 Published by students of Cornell University Office: Strand Building, Ithaca, N. Y. Twelve issues are printed during the College year Entered as second class mail matter at the Ithaca postoffice Ithaca, New York ae eee “YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN” DONALD ENGLISH, President F. C. Woon ’24, Secretary and Treasurer It’s easier to write a good letter if you L. A. FUERTES ’97 R. J. SLOANE, JR. 24 have fine paper. J. A. HARTELL ’24 Y . Business communications should be addressed to the Business Old Hampshire S tationery Manager, literary contributions to the Editor-in- : ‘ ae ° io.’ Chilef, and drawings to the Art Editor. is a beautiful and distinctive writing OFFICE Hours: Business staff, 9 to 5 daily. paper, that creates, and. maintains, Editorial and art staffs by appointment. favorable impressions Printed by THE A P ] i rinted by THE ATKINSON PrEss Fine Stationery Department VOL. XXX January 17, 1924 No. 6 Hampshire Paper Company So. Hadley Falls, Mass. CHASE & COMPANY CLOTHING Gentlemen’s Furnishing Goods 1018-1020 Chapel Street New Haven, Conn. Complete Outfittings for Every Occasion for Day or Evening - _ Wear, for Travel, Motor or outdoor Sport: Shirts, Neck- wear, Hosiery, Hats, Caps, Rugs, Bags, Leather Goods, etc. Ithaca Branch, 212 East State Street Arthur J. White, Rep. | Dates of Showing —January 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 ;

Page 5

The Widow Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever been cheated out of a pleasant, enjoyable shower by an unfriendly “‘shot” of cold or scalding hot water? This menace is completely eliminated by the Powers Shower Mixer. Turn the handle of the ordinary mixer to “Warm”, and if cold water is drawn from nearby showers, faucets, flush valves, etc., the reduced pressure on the cold water line allows a “shot” of hot water to reach the bather, giving no protection against changing water pressure. A Powers Mixer always holds the temperature of the water right where you want it. / Bul. 154 gives full information. s May we send it? (2654) THE POWERS REGULATOR Specialists in Automatic Heat. Contro 2798 Greenview Ave., CHICAGO NEW YORK BOSTON TORONTO And 31 Other Offices Hitting on All Four Why are you limping? Horseback riding yesterday. Did you fall off? No. Wish I had.—Gargoyle Ww W WwW No Wonder Reporter—‘And what does Goldstein give as the cause of the accident?” Doctor—“Search me—both arms are broken and he can’t say a word.”—Mink w WwW W Land Ahoy “Won’t you take a spin in my new Curtiss?” “No, thanks; the last time I made an airplane flight I fell in the river.” “That’s all right; I’m going to fly over land to day.”—Swamp Angel WO a. A New Process I saw a big grain elevator burn to the ground. Nothing left but ashes? Naw, puffed wheat.—Purple Parrot A * Skating, Skiing, and Tobogganing Is Here “Rim” says: The Johnnie Parson’s Club Will Open We offer for the Winter Sports: Skates from... -- $1.50 to $7.00 the pair Skating combinations from_$8.50 to $18.00 Skating Shoes from -.------- $4.50 to $9.00 Skis—Ash, Maple and Pine_$1.00to $8.60 Toboggans from ---_$1.25 foot to $3.00 foot The celebrated Westor Johnston’s skating combinations. Very best of other American makes. The expert Canadian Hockey combina- tions. Every type of Hockey Sticks 25c to $3.50 the stick Treman, King & Co. Winter Sport Outfitters

Page 6

The Widow | : Three-Story Heated Fireproof Garage SiTUpro Storage 150 Cars Day and Night Experienced Car Washing > eee « Gea COME IN AND SEE THE NEW FLINT CARS Official Photographer _ STAR anp DURANT CARS Class of 1924 | Sales and Service . } Gasoline and Mobiloil Oils Seiberling Tires Dial 2524 Authorized Ford Service 209-11-138 So. Cayuga St. Ithaca, N. Y. Phone 7055 Wo 306 E. State St. 1548 Broadway “CHUCK” RACE, PRop. ITHACA NEW YORK Flint Sales and Service | am making Tuxedo Suits, including Silk Vest, as low as $60.00. Cut to your individual measure and Wr: you are in the very centre of the city’s bril- liant pulsating life and breathe its sparkling atmosphere. tailored in my ownshop by experienced workmen. Also Sack Suits and Over- coats $45.00 and up. Numerous and distinctive res- taurants, lounges, promenades and writing rooms to gratif ; : d rr Come in and select your suit or over- your every mood. Room rates and restaurant prices coat while my line is complete. to fit the purse of college men. “DINNER “DANCES .. SUPPER “DANCES FRED’K A. MUSCHENHEIM I. V. DELL Merchant Tailor 213 DRYDEN ROAD TO HAVE STAYED AT THE ASTOR has OME » 004 ee 4 ad ow On ee 0 4 ee a OT at Won al TUXEDO SUITS le SSS: Vs SES Yes:

Page 7

The Widow : HE constant smoker finds in Melachrino Cigarettes a deli- cacy of flavor of which he never tires. . fe Ake. ettte ORIGINAL “The One Cigarette Sold the World Over” What Good Can Prayer Do? Minister (to sick student)—‘“I take a friendly in- terest in you, my boy, because I have two sons in the university myself; one taking engineering and the other agriculture. Is there anything I can do?” Sick Student—‘You might pray for the one taking engineering.” —Minnehaha w WwW WwW Mary had a little lamb When she dined out with me, Instead of chicken a la King; —Lord Jeff w W W In the Morning “Did you hear the latest thing over the radio?” “No, what?” 7 “Bed-time stories for night watchmen.” —Puppet w WwW W He (trying to get his bearings)—“How do we get to your home from here?” She (very nonchalantly)—“Oh, any taxi driver knows the way.” He (grimly)—“That’s all right, I’ll ask the con- ductor.” —Panther MELACHRINO (j TAILORED AT FASHION FARK BAXTER’S “The Quality Shop’ FINE TUXEDOS With the approaching Junior Week festivities you will need Evening Clothes and accessor- ies. College men have come to know that at Baxter’s only the accepted styles are offered. Tail- ored with a degree of skill that insures perfect fit and resulting - social ease. Fashion Park Tuxedos at $65 Other good ones at $35, $45, $50 O Dress Accessories Shirts Neckwear Vests Jewelry Mufflers O BAX TER’S THE QUALITY SHOP FASHION PARK CLOTHIERS

Page 8

‘% ‘ The Widow CHAS. H. BROOKS Jeweler Tae A COMPLETE LINE OF Twentieth Century Drum Outfit No.50 \ ‘ $90 Others Up to $100 To Improve Home Dances With a 20th-Century Drum Outfit to accompany the Phonograph or Player-Piano, you have a CORNELL FOBS mighty fine orchestra for impromptu dances. A good Outfit with 20th-Century GUARANTEED SPOONS Drum costs as little as $50.00—others up to $100.00. Any music dealer can get them for you, PINS or write for CHARMS, ETC. 9 Q CORNELL JEWELRY Free Illustrated Catalog of Drums, Banjos, Saxa- phones and 3,000 other Instruments and Accessories The Fred Gretsch Mfg. Co. Musical Instrument Makers Since 1883 60 Broadway, Brooklyn, N. Y. State Street 154 Brooks Block FOUNDED 1856 Carrying the honors —We are offering a. specially constructed Suit case which quali- fies for honorable as- sem bling—worthy leather of substantial weight—real brass hardware— sturdy lining and fashioned on roomy dimensions. Tt ee eeweys for Unruly . lair High quality. Low price. . . $16.50 Winter Suits, Over- coats, Furnishings, Shoes and Hats. Brokaw BROTHERS 1457-1463 BROADWAY AT FORTY-SECOND STREET NEW YORK Neatly combed, well-kept hair is a business and so- cial asset. STACOMB makes the hair stay combed in any style you like even after it has just been washed. STACOMB—the original —has been used for years by nthrs is stage and screen —ledders of style. Write today for free trial tube. Insist on STACOMB—in the black, yellow and gold package. For sale at your druggist or wherever toilet goods are sold. Standard Laboratories, Inc. 113 West 18th Street, New York City ree ee Jars— 75¢ Standard Laboratories, Inc. ars 113 West 18th Street, Dept. 2 New York City Send Coupon Please send me free trial tube. for Free sins Cl el tle eee) fe te Trial Tube | IN iid ectdibsccrstned eek tcewnisiialociaich os a ee ee ee aaa

Page 9

DOBBS HATS THE DOBBS WAPPENHAM IS A VERSATILE MODEL ORIGINATED BY NEW YORK'S LEADING HATTERS. THE DESIGN IS STYLED BY A NEW METHOD THAT PERMITS THE BRIM TO BE WORN IN AVARIETY OF BECOMING SLANTS, ACCORDING TO THE WHIM OF THE WEARER ~ ~ ~ ~ EIGHT DOLLARS CAn attractive miniature portfolio of Dobbs girls sent upon request —~ DOBBS & Co ~ 620.42 244 Fifth Avenue ~ New York ~_ . EXCLUSIVE .REPRESENTATIVES IN MANY OF THE PRINCIPAL CITIES Highly Portable “What became of that portable garage of yours?” “T tied the dog to it the other day and a cat came by.”—Phoenix w W WwW What Do You Mean—Signs? First—“‘Strange, but I didn’t know they were to be married; has the engagement been announced?” Second—“It hasn’t been announced, but some folks still believe in signs.”—Swamp Angel w WwW w Here and There It was a sleepy sort of day, the class was about half the usual size and the Prof. was calling the roll in a half absent manner. To each name some- one had answered “here” until the name Smith was called. Silence reigned supreme for a moment only to be broken by the Prof.’s voice. “My word! Hasn’t Mr. Smith any friends here?” —Humbug ee. Scandal—I’ve seen the mother of vinegar but who is its father?—Humbug w WwW W A miss is as good as her style—Humbug “Have a cigarette’ means “Have an OMAR” The preference for OMARS is as much a Cornell Institution as the ‘‘Frosh Bible’’ or — Goldwin Smith walk in springtime. A delightful blend of thirteen kinds of choice Turkish tobaccos and six kinds of selected domestic tobaccos. Ea at an CCAM IN COMPORATED —which means that if you don’t like OMAR CIGARETTES you can get your money back from the dealer

Page 10

, The Widow _ [he Symphonaders Ted Riccobono, Director Ed Bave, Arranger Len Allerton Manager, 116 Utica St. Telephone 5991 3 Ithaca, N. Y. BROWN & BROWN | Probably Going to Yel = Prof.—‘‘What is a spark gap?” 142 E. State Answer—“‘Why, that’s when a girl yawns just as ( | 0 T H ES you start to kiss her.”—Gargoyle w WwW WwW of : At the Ball Extra Ou a | it y Lightly-garbed Maid—“And you say you object to my costume?” | John Law (at door)—“‘Not personally, ma’am, $45 only professionally.” —Phoenix SSS EES XQ_Qoww \ SS / In ourclothes, you will find | WwW Wow the quality of fabrics, the designs, the lasting shape- Oh, There Are Kisses and Kisses liness of expensive mer- “I say, haven’t you been flirting rather heavily chant tailor clothes. The with Jack Schuyler lately?” . “Flirting, indeed! I haven’t kissed the man more new English type of mod- . than a half a dozen times in my life!” els prevail. Selected from —Swamp Angel the 1924 woolens they are truly distinctive clothes. w W Ww We asked a young lady a question the other day, le Pi after which she slapped our face and told us to mind our own business. CLOTHIERS Just the same we would like to know where she HABERDASHERS got those tooth marks on her arm.—Dirge HATTERS M. D O YLE MARK S C O . — Est. 1860__The House of Service What Preparation are You Making for Junior Week? GRANDS Let us help you select a new Piano or a Phonograph Phonographs as low as Expert Tuning Service Poy pws, $575.00 General Repairing $300.00 105 N. Aurora St. M. DOYLE MARKS CO. ITHACA, N. Y.

Page 11

we kJ © o. E. co, “Designing in Masses” ERIS The Fisk Building New York City CARRERE & HASTINGS Architects figs new architecture transcends detail and expresses the component solids of the great buildings of today and tomorrow. Gigantic profiles are reared against the sky—true expression of structural facts has now come into its own in architectural design, linking architect and engineer ever more closely together. Certainly modern invention— modern engineering skill and organization, will prove more than equal to the demands of the architecture of the future. Bese VAT O.-R CO M2. Ae F Offices in all Principal Cities ot the World

Page 12

The Wilew WINTER’S CALLING! Get out on the skis these clear’ crisp days and_= enjoy snowtime’s finest sport. There’s keen enjoyment to the long swift coasts and thrilling jumps thru bracing air. If you haven’t tried skiing yet get a pair of speedy NORTHLAND SKIS —— The best for expert or beginner. Incidentally most Cornell men use them. Made of the finest woods obtainable North- lands are sliver+proof and will last for years. Send for our free illustrated booklet on skiing. Look for the. deer-head trade mark. NORTHLAND SKI MFG. CO. 30 Merriam Park St. Paul, Minn. ASrarr BEstT CHICAGO Outfitters to Younes} Men CLOTHING, HATS FURNISHINGS SHOES — Importers of Exclusive Novelties in Neckwear Leather Goods and all accessories TO YOUNG MEN'S DRESS G. W. Richardson & Son Auburn, N. Y. O Trained Decorators with representatives specializing in fraternity work Dealers in rugs, carpets, wall papers, furniture, draperies, china, ete. O G. W. Richardson & Son ESTABLISHED 1812 Auburn, Richardson Sq. SYRACUSE 529 S. Warren St. NEW YORK 19 E. 55th Se. XG mere ABS ) FLOWERS, OF COURSE! Start the New Year right Every event is an occasion for Flowers St. Valentine’s Day Junior Week We deliver anywhere through our Florists’ Telegraph Delivery Service The Bool Floral Co., Inc. 215 East State Street Flowerphone 2678

Page 13

The WW dow ‘1 Last issue you heard of Sypho Service. It is a combina- tion of the well-known chemical extinguisher and the automatic sprinkler head. The connect-. ing link is a system of piping. For further particulars write to “Automatic” Sprinkler Corp. of America 123 William Street New York City Offices in Principal Cities Death’s Sting “Whither away, stranger? What wouldst?” cheer- ioed St. Peter as he leaned out over the pearly gates. “Gosh let me in,” muttered the wandering soul of convict No. 999, just released from the electric chair, “T just had the shock of my life.”—Lord Jeff w W W Paid in Installments This is the way we go after them-- “T hear that John won a prize for singing.” “Yes, a whole building—one brick at a time.” when prices on London made pipes —Octopus ;. soared beyond the reach of the ordin- w W Ww | ary student, we got the ABERDEEN and can sell it for $3.00 The best in quality too—made especially for us Yes, Indeed It’s most disappointing to find that all a house- party girl has left behind is a hair-curler. —Chanticleer Ww -W WwW Wife Beating The Law—“You are charged with being a deserter, (A) having left your wife. Is the charge true?” (A) Lawbreaker—“No, your honor, I am not a de- serter, just a refugee.”—Log

Page 14

ree L. Hunsinger The Goodie Shops Manos & Georgiou Cornell Confectionery Whitman’s famous candies are sold by ‘The Co-op (has exclusive sale of Cornell Package) J. P. & J. G. Papayanakos Cozy Corner (J. N. Chacona) Students’ Candy Shop Geo. Manos Conomikes & Marinos James Floros | W. H. Miller Drug Co., Inc. R. C. Osborn Co. Special Cornell Package

Page 15

Page 16

oun _ The most popular Christmas Seals | As indicated by a post-holiday nation-wide ballot

Page 17

Vol. XXX Sweet Thoughts for the New Year L ove. E lopements. A ngry P arents. Y outh E ager A fter R omance,—or rum. w WwW WwW Dressing makes it hard to tell a hen from a chicken. 7 Ww WwW WwW Well, What’s ina Name? Oh Marian, thy name is not As thrilling to the ear As Antoinette, or Nicolette, Or even Guinevere. To call the rose another name Its beauty cannot take; ’Tis very true; a maid like you No name could mar or make. Yes, I could love thee, Marian, As Sue or even Clara; But I confess I’d love thee less If they had called you Sarah. Ww WwW WwW On the Rhine She—“Why do you think this section was so tough?” _ He—“They had to use green lamps for the fire- alarm stations to make them distinctive.” JANUARY 17, 1994 No. 6 Concerning An Overshoe Whose Mate Has Vanished My overshoe, my overshoe, I count it o’er and o’er; *"T would be of greater use, ’tis true, Had I but just one more. w W WwW News Item—The Fiji Islanders had a preacher for New Year’s. turkey. Hope he wasn’t as tough as our w W W A frizzled young lady from Me. Went out with her boy in the re. With the consequent fate That her hair became straight, And he never could love her age. A Bae The Advantage of College Father—“It’s time to think of your future. What would you rather be than anything else?” : Son—“Drunk.” Doc—yYou look bad. She—I am.

Page 18

FUUNDED 1894 PUBLISHED AT CORNELL UNIVERSITY INCORPORATED 1912 ROBERT J. SLOAN, JR. ’24 Editor-in-Chief F. C. Woop ’24 J. A. HARTELL ’24 Business Manager Art Editor - <4 ng 25 Business Staff sst. Bus. Mgr. J. O. Topp ’24 Art Staff Pale Circulation Mgr. B. D. ADAMS ’24 Editorial Staff W. MAHONEY ’25 A. H. Emerick ’24 A. M. Coon ’25 Asst. Circ. Mgr. F. F, STRATFORD ’24 W.: F. SouTHWORTH 25 W. S. BEECHER ’26 H. S. Lockwoop ’26 O. C. DOERING ’26 N. A. MILLER ’26 C. C. PoPE ’26 L. A. WALTON ’26 THREE DOLLARS THE YEAR VERY four years there comes a time, known as Leap Year. Theoretically it is “the time when a maid may court a a) man, without making him 4 think that he is doing the A courting,” if we may quote a contemporary. It is to this great open season on males, that the present is- sue of the Wipow is dedicated. Of course the Little Lady doesn’t know anything about it, having gotten her’s some thirty years ago, but on behalf of her gent friends she hopes that some of the burden, physical and financial, of courting, will be lifted by the women in the case and man’s work of living in this world of women will be made lighter. In this matter of Leap Year, the WIDOW sees ample oppor- tunity for the Fundamentalists and the Modernists to have a good set-to, and decide whether Leap Year was originated by the men as a rest period, or by the women to give them equal rights. 16 THIRTY-FIVE CENTS THE COPY © OMETHING’S wrong” and something’s got to be done | about it and done soon, or | Gl the infant will kill itself. 4 ps \e We speak of the All-Cornell ys : Dances. Of late they have i AERO Yj lost the “All—” a part of the name and have been con- fined to a small section of the University Commun- ity. It is distinctly a non-social crowd that has been patronizing the affairs of late and the atmos- phere of the parties has been about as congenial as that of an icehouse. It is fast becoming that un- desirable situation where a “feller” brings his “girl” and spends the entire evening with her. This is due to two reasons, namely (1) the women, and (2) the men. The trouble with the women is that nobody wants to dance with the great run that are attending. The trouble with the men is that they do not know more than two or three other people at the dance and cannot possibly mix around. An Pp WN

Page 19

The Widow effort is being made to remedy the last difficulty by selling the stag tickets through the Committee, so that a little discretion can be used, which was im- possible under public sale conditions. The improve- ment of the female patronage is a matter which the women will have to take care of themselves. At the present time almost a boycott exists against the dances, among the more socially inclined girls. They claim that their friends, who are accustomed to come to the Armory unaccompanied, are not there any more and that they get “stuck” for the eve- ning, or have a rather sad evening among the fish. The whole matter is a vicious circle, if the women will attend the dances, the stags will surely come back. All that is asked of the swains is that they make up their minds to attend a few hours before the opening number, so that they can get a ticket before the. limited number is exhausted. The Com- mittee has done its best, stopping only at extend- ing personal invitations to the crowd, which make the party a success by its wide acquaintance and congeniality. Ww WwW WwW EMURELY the Little Lady strolled into the library the other evening, just to see if the children were studying hard for the funny old finals. With her accustomed grace, she dropped nonchalantly in- to one of the luxurious cane chairs in the reading room; but imagine her em- barrassment, not to say discomfiture, when the .de- vice doubled up neatly and precipitated her, none too gently, upon the floor. Now the WIDOW realizes that she is a mere novice in the art of operating an instrument of higher learning; she never could get a book out of the li- brary in less than fifty-five minutes; and she per- haps betrayed an unfortunate lack of savoir faire in neglecting to make a thorough investigation of the met rl i re ” And i NL i aa ) y ie furniture before she sat down. But it was not April first, and the Wi1pow’s long experience in the best circles had taught that that was the only time to look for such treachery; and besides, she hadn’t been near the library for years. It is evident that if the library is to retain its present popularity as a social center, something must be done about this. Guests will become sus- picious of the place, and expect the chandeliers to fall or the plaster to drop, or to get the book they wanted. Never mind the lighting system; nobody reads there anyway; but can’t the Fra, or the Coffee House, or even the Dance Committee, dissipate a small portion of its profits in non-collapsible chairs for the poor old library? AR IN the West another love- ly outing has been staged by 6 Vi some of the more prominent COM darlings of the screen. Great little get-togethers those gatherings must be. The latest one was obviously a beautiful domestic party. Be- cause reports indicate that the man in the case was attired in a—er—a smoking jacket, and one wo- man was assisting the other to put on her er—a—er apron. Reports also have it that the oily man picked up a bottle, without a doubt a bottle of ink, to throw at the shooting chauffeur. The movies are indeed a great moral force. Of course one never associates the real character of the screen puppets with the portrayals they give on the screen. Oh no, never! When one sees Normand, Arbuckle, et al, one thinks only of what jolly rollicking young- sters they seem to be. Oh yaaaas! The public ought not to kick on only a murder apiece, they ought to allow at least three killings before con- demning an actor, or actress (depending, of course, on sex). i em -_ ye re N}) ay ho Me 17

Page 20

(> fi =— (| — ’D LIKE quite briefly to retrace a plan that’s old as time—of making the penalty fit the case, the punishment fit the crime. We’d take each misdeed, large or small, before a legislature, and then decide the culprit’s fate upon its special nature. For instance, take that pest supreme, the ever-cutting stag; now here’s a most efficient scheme to harass such a wag. We’d gag and tie him to a board, devoid of limb and speech, surrounded by a dancing horde, just barely out of reach. The fresh- air fiend across the aisle, who throws the casement wide—the fate of this offender vile is easy to decide. We’d put him in a frigid den, with temperature at twenty; he’ll not enjoy, in such a pen, his dolce far niente. The hustler in the Co-op mob who pushes in ahead will find a finely fitting job at pushing pigs of lead. The parasite who always smokes, but never buys the weeds, will have to smoke, until he chokes, a blend of | pumpkin seeds. The funny man who knows but one extremely aged wheeze will have to stand beneath the sun and tell it to the trees. Likewise the piano-playing wight who knows a single tune, will have to play ten hours a night, applauded by the moon. The plagued room-mate who delights in borrowed shirts and socks will have to dress in bor- rowed tights and split some borrowed rocks. With such a system put in force the hangers of the crepe will have to steer a straighter course, and toe the narrow tape. So let us hasten to embrace this object quite sublime—of making the penalty fit the case, the punishment fit the crime. yiettt esate Tit te i) 4 i x Ih 7 ‘ \ N ‘ soon g0 001 ON Grenty— ; e r77Z2 —_— oO a,

Page 21

The Widow Aunty-Climax Wishing rapid transit he Boarded a car he chanced to see, Paid his dime, got two cents back. The trolley lurched on up the track. He saw a girl, an empty seat— The girl he’d often wished to meet— He sat him down beside the maid And plans for conversation laid. A maiden lady white of hair _ Stepped in the car, approached the pair, Paused by their seat and heaved a sigh. Our gallant did not bat an eye. But lo! not so the sweet young thing. She rose and to a strap did swing. With sweetest air to smiling face Said “Aunty dear, please take my place.” The poor lad groaned, got up and swore— Swore softly as he gained the door. His face was red; his brow was black. The trolley lurched on up the track. w W W We now have the “Wonder Glue,”’ strong enough to mend the break of day. w W W Instruction Resumed Old Man Winter has come into our midst once more, to reopen his annual dancing school. The time and place of instruction will, as usual, be de- termined by circumstances. This year’s curricu- lum will include instruction in the Frost Bite Hop, Buffalo Buck, Seneca Clog, East State Glide, Will- iams Waltz, College Avenue Can-Can, Dryden Drop, Rockefeller Rocker, Beebe Lake Breakdown, Chil- blain Canter, Rhineland Polka and Toboggan Slide. w WwW W Comparisons of a Crabber Things Popularly Supposed to Annoy Me: ~ Prohibition Radio 7 World Peace Plans Radicalism Motion Pictures Taxation Rotary Clubs Women Things That Really Do Annoy Me: Women 19 Doing a Thing by Quarters He—“A wild-eyed man came up to me today with a hard-luck story. Said it was so bad that he turned the gas on last night but it happened that there was no money in the meter.” She—“What did you do?” He—“‘Gave him a quarter.” w W W It Works Both Ways Alas, when I returned, my college air Failed to impress the maid. But I don’t care; For (no sour grapes) it rather seemed to me She wasn’t quite so charming as she used to be. w W WwW Tap, Tap, Tap, the Girls Are Marching Father—‘You wear out a lot of shoes.” Daughter—“Yes, father. The boys are always taking me out in their cars.” Falling for a Knockout

Page 22

S * \DEIAT'S BE ‘LF & SEE HOW HE TAKES IT DUNKIN' 2’ 4 L KNOW IF LTS NQuoR.’ \e : f+ MINT WE NEVER GOIN’ "to DRINK 12% ‘LQOONDER (S HE TSINKING uP A Tolst,’ See? 2 aa ee \-| 7) FR eee I'M TIRED OF TWALTING, ELL Ask he ?} WIM WHERE HE GoT iT.” _¥ ; ea gear 5 RAS Vid { Vj WK, yy TYRELL , 1 SUPPOSE | \ F borg RUM ISN'T DRUNK IW ONE DAY." E> < Se

Page 23

© The Widows Might Ski-jumping is like being in love. First you’re up The only man who objects to Leap Year is the in the air, then you come down to earth with one whose wife’s birthday is February twenty- a jar. w Ww WwW No, Adenoids, not all tramps are Rhoades Schol- ars. we ae Some minds are like va- cuum cleaners—they pick up all the dirt. wWwWowWw Now is the time for all good (looking) girls to think of Junior Week parties. w WwW WwW To be successful, it would seem only necessary to be the son of poor but honest parents. Ww WwW WwW Still waters run cheap— in Cuba. w W WwW All the world’s a stage, and most of us seem to be stage hands. w W W Woman is the light of mankind—most useful in the dark. “Drowning my love,”’ said the disappointed lover as he pushed his girl off the pier. ninth. Local Light No. 15 WARTELV Professor Christian Midjo, peoples, looks demurely out from amongst this ccllection of wit and humor. Fine Arts without the great Norwegian, would lose much of its fineness. All of his creations are worth study. His portrait of his feet is a feature of the College. (Ig- nore the pun, we didn’t mean it.) Sculp- turally speaking he is equally well known. His color compositions are like the Ku Klux Klan, energetic in action yet retiring in mass, if you get what we mean. He is the only man in Christendom who can say “Yes” or “No” with the same expression and yet make you feel, in turn, higher than Haman or lower than Hades. It’s worth at least a million marks, par value, to hear him say, “What? Do you understand?” Besides which he has the neatest line (Charcoal) on the cam- pus. Divulging more, Professor Midjo is one of the most diffident of men among strangers. But among friends, well— Skol, Professor! w WwW W There’s many a6 slip ’twixt the cup and the lip— but lots more afterward. w W WwW Maidens, like moths, flock around gas-jets. WwW W W Kissing a good time good- bye, said the man as he said good night. w W WwW Written especially for the R. O. T. C.—The March of the Wooden Soldiers. w W WwW A woman’s beauty isn’t skin deep. On the contrary it stops at the skin. WwW W W Pennants are collegiate tapestry. w WwW W It doesn’t seem logical, but, the faster the party the longer it takes. WW No, a hop is not a dance for one-legged people. w W W ‘What an old-fashioned tin-type,” cried the an- tique collector as he gazed at the family Ford. 21

Page 24

The Widow Eligible Bachelors Widow’s Matrimonial Bureau. Names furnished upon request and presentation of proof of ability to support, and provide a comfortable home. BRIDGE BACHELOR — Part- | time job, available afternoons and evenings only. Good prop- osition for a-Kelly Pool widow wi ee REE a SG oa A ee ee roel SYNTHETIC BACHELOR — Sophomore taking French 16, knows all about women and their ways. An easy job after the veneer is cracked. LOVELY BACHELOR—Mold of form, glass of fashion, etc. A splendid chap, loves children, _prize-fights, homelife, saloon- life, etc. 22 A FEW SAMPLES from the » DEC. 31, 1924 BACHELOR— Moral: Do your Leap Year Shopping early. SHOTGUN BACHELOR—Ready for all comers, even Little Nell’s father.

Page 25

) hy / \/ é Me i UA , Gp 4 Y 77 + , s L NY Wy, | . YA) Uy The Widow Hymn of Hate I hate “Sun” Correspondence, It develops my murder complex. There are the gentlemen Who always rise to defend something. Let anybody make a nasty crack About the -band Or military drill Or rotten food in the cafeteria Or even the cheerleaders And right away They blossom forth With statistics and arguments To prove something. Somebody ought to present them With a sense of humor— Or a dose of arsenic. Then there are the ducks With the information. They know all about Anything or nothing. They write in With or without. provocation. They like to explain about The domestic affairs Of the native Japanese Or the influence Of the Tuesday. Lunch Club On religious thought In the Ag. College. They’re worse than awful. | ~, Ti (“a — ( / fr i ] Uy f / } 7) _— ee ’ ) Baa / fea -, N#s fa) — —— Me r \\° — es! ; ni &! Of, hE V\ \ AAG . > A) A" a WAN Bien , At OE ie Ad , / \ ) 4 N 4 © oe id ‘= vs a -t ‘ ’ Then the dear boys Who are always complaining About something. The drinking fountains Or the waste baskets Or the lights Or the weather Or any other given quantity. They like to get excited and feverish Over something And start a National Movement To correct the Menace. The Millenium Will be Hell to them. Then there is one bird Every year Who really has something to say And says it and shuts up. And the shock is awful. Then maybe in a few days Somebody recovers And sends in his opinion And maybe another bird does too And then just as it gets interesting One of the cuckoos ~ Sends in a blab. And spoils everything. Ain’t it disgusting? I hate “Sun” Correspondence, It develops my murder complex. + AQTHUR-H + - EMERICK: Conversationalist—“As I emerged from the pro- tecting jungle, I was caught in the teeth of a roar- ing monsoon.” Bored Lady—‘“‘And did it bite you?” 23

Page 26

Se NAN) S38 ? ee — From Hand ——— — ae

Page 27

// YARTELC To Mouth

Page 28

The Widow Love Conquers All (A tale in the abstract) In a very pleasant country, just beyond the shadow of a Doubt, there dwelt a wondrous maiden, Cer- tainty. And many men of all classes and denomi- nations sought this maiden Certainty, yet all were driven away by No, the knight of her will. But with the passing of time, this maiden Cer- tainty was stricken with a disease which comes on the border of infancy and maturity, and this dis- ease was called adolescence. And while the maiden was in this sickly state, there came unto her a man of unimaginable attraction who called himself Love. And the maiden again called on her knight No. agit —_ ti oy A = WN WH UVP OTP U.NECKUM &CO o—-BVDS — 727 PISTON RINGS & OLIVES. ey che LM {_\ \ \ Ce a Now (Ss ce NN turned him over to his knight, Yes. — But. Love, who would not take No for an answer And the two champions walked out of the castle, took to horse, and rode until they came to Blows. Whereupon the battle began most fiercely and uninterestingly. So that the maiden Certainty turned to Love for amuse- ment, because everything that Love said or did pleased her. And in an unguarded moment, Love kissed her and suddenly her will changed leaving No, the knight of her will, so perplexed that Yes easily killed him. Yet Certainty did not feel helpless for most surely, there was Love for Certainty. \ eo Wa ld PME er ieicrinuaaiae ’. . 0 ,: A yu ¥Y N " , J NTS : + too) a f ? S 4 ® ‘i \ TSR Sj rane aN 328 on 7 = / , : ; " Fas 1 = ana z ~ : =sne <=pTS —— Catch as catch can | —tLeap Year at Aurora, N. Y. 26

Page 29

The Widow Let Instinct Be Your, Etc. Psychology’s the stuff, I cannot get enough, I like to know the reasons for the things I do; I like to know the cause, The underlying laws, The muscular reactions and the nervous too. - The science’s appeal, Calls forth my bookish zeal, I don my specs the psychologic muse to woo, I turn the pages o’er, The books I con and pore, Nor complicated problems do I then eschew. But when two lips are near, Then I no complex fear, I never pause or reason why this thing I do; I never stop to think, Nor pause, but quite instinc- Tively I act. Confess it—come now—don’t you, too? w WwW WwW | Leap Year has but one true meaning—29 days in the month of February. Leap Frog 27 4A 4a i moh N Ul ral a i Hoe HHS i il SLIT VF dip ont LS tos eoes Look Before You Sleep w WwW W The Ultimate It’s time that someone wrote a Moral Play—One in which the Heroine belongs to the Waster Gen- eration. She longs for Life, tastes the bitter Dregs, and warms herself with the Ashes of Affection. The Clean Man, who has watched her with an expression of agonized maturity, while she has played with the Idle Spendthrifts who talk of women as if they were merely Playthings, will come to the rescue as she faces her greatest crisis—To Dress for Dinner, or to break the Last Convention—and, as a result, she will trip proudly down to the festive board on his arm, wearing a crepe-de-chene morning dress with a high collar. There must be a scene of Revelry, Preferably of college men, smooth, hard, sophisticated, and unedu- cated, who behave most amazingly to girls who come out of the Unknown, who courageously wrest a living from the World, and then, imperceptibly at first, - sink back into the Unknown. There must be Pathos, played by the Mother of the Clean Man, Tragedy by the little Cripple who cries “When will sister come home?”, and a Happy Ending, when the burnished sun rises upon a new and radiant dawn, and the roadster creeps up the driveway. The big Clean Man, who has waited with taut nerves, gathers the Little Girl out of the car into his arms, and, for the moment oblivious of the past, they face the shining future together. Powerful plays have been applauded by thous- ands. Fame has hesitated on a few of them. But when the Great Author of All Time writes a play based on the above, then will Fame, with a sigh of relief, rest on it to Eternity!

Page 30

The Widow The Origin of Leap Year [Being an historically correct document, first presented to the Sunday Noon Breakfast Club.—Ed. Note.] And it came to pass in the fourth year of the reign of Kornu Kopia, Royal Flush of the Land of Goshen, that there was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth so that only the dentists were happy. For, forsooth, this sad circumstance had oc- curred, that there were more he Brews than she Brews in the land and the males far outnumbered the frails. The reasons for this sorry state were many. In the first place O’Brien’s beauty parlor had wreaked great havoc in the ranks of the mid- dle-aged and bootleg gin had killed off many of the younger and frailer skirts of the land. Made them down and out-skirts, as it were. And as a result the birth rate charts of the king- dom ‘showed a disheartening perpendicularity di- rected downward. “Odds Bodikins,’ bemoaned the king, “In a few years the entire kingdom will be populated only by Jackals, Jack-Rabbits, Jack-Daws and Jack-Asses. Pfoi, pfoi, gesundt.” - Furthermore the death rate was going up. With too few pretties to go around there weren’t no peace. Every evening in the public square as the result of another riot the remains of at least 47 men and 43% women were swept up by the street cleaners and laid away for future reference. The carnage was terrific. Somepun hadda be done. “I gottanidear!” shouted the king one morning while sharving. Rushing in to the grand vizier he warbled—“Vizy old thing, listen. We’ll let the girls pick out the men this year. That oughta stop all this killin’ and fightin’ and satisfy everybody. And any bimbo who won’t marry the dame that picks him shall be thrown into the royal flea den!” “Oh Korny,” sighed a pain in the side, stepping thru the casement, “You think of the sweetest things.” So saying she fell on his neck and wept, thus in- venting the necking party. Thus it came about that the land was happy once more and peace, prosperity and children abounded everywhere. Everybody was happy but the king. On January first, four years later, he committed suicide after killing the vizier and burning the shaving soap factory. Served him right. Hence Leap Year, Q. E. D. NARAELL if } i) iy A “ Dat" 2 — ——— James—“‘Why do you always write Duke on Friday?” Jane—‘“‘Because it’s fish day.” * 28

Page 31

The Widow On Selecting a Jr. Wk. Job A sad, common tale When Harvey put his Nineteen Hundred and Twenty-Three Junior Week Girl on the train, Sun- day noon, he made a vigorous resolution to spend the following eleven months in picking out his Nine- teen Hundred and Twenty-Four Junior Week Girl. He had asked Gertrude up one night during Christ- mas vacation, when under the perceptible influence of bootleg gin, and while she had not been a conspicu- ’ party in general, and Harvey in particular. “I can just see you want me to come for Junior Week ous failure, her allurement was gone, and Harvey’s mental conception of the party was escorting, if not a completely flat tire, at least a much under-inflated one. Eastertide he visited a fraternity brother in Bos- ton. Of the possibilities on display there, he made note of two. By May he had abandoned them as too conservative. Spring Day he gave one of the house guests a fair trial. Unfortunately she wouldn’t do. The summer vacation found him more alert than ever. He went on several houseparties, adding like- The last point was stressed—she must show apprecia- tion for the honor he conferred upon her. Christmas vacation arrived. Harvey went home deeply depressed, with no solution of The Problem. He found himself caught up in the annual holiday festivities. _’Twas New Year’s Eve, and all through the bril- liantly lighted club, including the chaotic ballroom, fair maidens, even fairer for the occasion, and youths, flushed with the joy of success, or dancing, held sway. Harvey, buoyant on the crest of the highest wave, guided his immediate partner, tall, plain, and conservatively dressed, like a ferryboat that had lost its anchor. The music halted. Marie, for such was her name, led her charge to an arbor of palms. From the center of a thick fog, Harvey sensed the situation. Mechanically he put his arms around her. Coyly she repulsed him: “How do I know you really love me?” Harvey smiled expansively: ‘‘Ask anythin’ you wis’, c’n have it.” Marie flushed enthusiastically: “I’d love to come up for Junior Week with you!” An icy way swept over Harvey, he felt Marie pressing close against him, and the futility of try- ing to argue. Morbidly he proceeded... When Harvey put his Nineteen Hundred and Twenty-four Junior Week Girl on the train, Sunday noon, he made a vigorous resolution to spend the following eleven months in picking out his Nineteen Hundred and Twenty-five Junior Week Girl. ly candidates to his list, only to erase them later. Some lacked beauty, others pep. Their clothes, their hair, their manners displeased him. In each girl he found some particular fault. Fall brought new complications. The brothers were announcing their choices. Harvey was one of the few still undecided. There was every promise for a good, old fashioned, Junior Week party. Har- vey became desperate. His ideal still eluded him. He desired a rather small, slim, and well-formed girl, who could dance, forever, who could hold her own with the best of them, and who loved a good’ 29 Eenie, Meenie, Miny, Moe

Page 32

The Widow A Protest “A rag, a bone, and a hank of hair.” Kipling has called my girl, Oh how could he speak so cruelly, Such biting language hurl? What does he know of my Connie’s clothes— She dresses like a queen, Has he ever seen her flawless form, Her hair of golden sheen? Has he ever watched her soul expand As evening turns to morn? And can he grasp the fine ideals Which in her heart are borne? What does he know of the girl herself? And do you think him fair, When he calls Connie, the girl I love,— Rags, bones and hanks of hair. L’Envoi And yet, who knows, in a few short years I may bow on bended knee— To Kipling, poet and pessimist, Give my apology. Would Have Been Better Sweet Young Thing (whose fender has been smashed)—“It was your fault, I held out my hand.” Student—“I didn’t see it, I’m sorry.” S. Y. T.—“I suppose I should have held out my leg.” w WwW WwW No matter how high an awning may be suspended, it is only a shade above the street. w WwW W There Is Good in Everything When grandma was a little kid With dresses long and free, It did no good to roll the sock For none could see the knee. But grandma was not badly off, As she most surely knows, For when her dresses swept the streets She had no need for hose. w W W We just heard a chicken use fowl language. ni NA Tis % \ ht NYS \ } \ \) \ i) ~ — . = Dams See “atte Fg. mens : Many are Cold, but Few are Frozen 30

Page 33

Sweaters ROTHSCHILD BROTHERS The Widow 31 Arrives with Skating and the Toboggan Gloves Mufflers For Men and Women Preparations for Junior Week To assist with your decorations we offer a_ service trained through our participation for many years past in Junior Ball decorations. And we are headquarters for all necessary housefur- nishings occasioned by extra entertaining. Morrill Hall Troy Calendar It is time to buy for yourself. You will want the pictures for your “Stuntbook”’ or perhaps to frame. The Troy Cal- endar makes an up-to-date viewbook. Remington Portable Typewriter ~The Remington is very compact. It is very light and easy to carry. It has the standard keyboard. It has the famous wearing qualities of the Remington type- writers. It is the kind you need. Cornell Co-op. Society Seasonable Sportswear Wool Hose Ithaca, N. Y.

Page 34

The Widow To Arabella: Concerning Love Scorned ’Tis two months since you took your hat And gaily went away from me; ’Tis no relief you left me flat So thoughtfully. That when perhaps love ’gan to pall With no harsh words your own way went, In fact, spake nary word at all Of your intent. I’ll demonstrate how much I think Of her, I said: Love makes me stoic: Let’s see, now, what’s something distinc- tively heroic? My beard!—the thought came to my brain, A thing that clear my love will show; Till she returns to me again I’ll let it grow. And that was two months back, girl—zounds! My beard is really in the way, No sign of you—true love has bounds— I’ll shave today. w W WwW The Poet’s “Hang-over” True love? Bah! (shtrong word f’ me)— ’S foolish woman’s f-faith t’ pre- Clude (hic)—m’ life’ll blashted be By-Ho-opelesh Faith in Verity. w W W Our Own Reasons for a Happy New Year Finals. Goloshes. Term reports. Finals. Abolition of holiday cut fines (probation sub- stituted). Finals. NS A great run for your money. Rogers Peet’s suits for young men. Easy lines—and an easy price. Some four-piece suits for as little as $57. Good selection of three-piece suits from $45 up. At the Ithaca Hotel: Monday, January 28th Tuesday, 29th ROGERS PEET COMPANY Herald Sq. at 35th St. Broadway Fifth Ave. at Warren at 4ist St. NEW YORK CITY Broadway at 13th St. “Four Convenient Corners”’ w W Ww Winter Sports * Junior Week. Mah Jongg (or Pung Chow, or Swig Hi). Crashing the gate at I. S. P. E. (the old Star Theater). Borrowing dress shirts. x studs. damn near anything. Watching for the little red ticket in the mails. 6“ v1 5 se eS sini BY | = we

Page 35

Published in the interest of Elec- trical Development by an Institution that will be helped by what- ever helps the Industry. Western Electric Company YY qi Wh il ee L WWE Midd To all forwards who are playing center “THE little fellow hasn’t got the reach. Why don’t they put him at forward where he belongs?’’ You have heard comment like that - about some mis-positioned player. Just look out they don’t talk that way about you— not in athletics but in your field of work after college. The world is full of doctors who should have been lawyers, and lawyers who should have been writers—men who can’t do their best work because they haven’t got the reach. You still can avoid their haphazard choice of acareer. Some earnest thinking on the subject, ‘‘What do I really want to do in life?’ will help you decide right. That’s areal problem. Get all the advice you can—trom the faculty, from alumni, from men in business. If you find you have made a false start, change now and save yourself a lot of erief—for once you graduate into a protession, the chances are you’ll stay in it. Wherever people look to electricity for the comforts and conveniences of life today, the Western Electric Company offers a service as broad as the functions of electricity itself. Number 35 of a series a

Page 36

34 The Widow MILK CREAM LAKEVIEW DAIRIES All Dairy Products 609 N. Tioga St. Phone 8307 — BUTTER EGGS The Public Market A MEAT MARKET IN A CLASS BY ITSELF Have you discovered the rea- son for our tremendous busi- ness which has increased every year since we opened thedoors? If not, let us serve you to the BEST in MEATS and POULTRY Go. 6 William Knight 115-117 N. Aurora St. Ithaca, N. Y. Army and Navy Store Opp. Western Union Office ERSVERNET A Large Selection of Winter Goods for Sport Wear :: Breeches — Shirts Hi-Top Leather Pacs Sheeplined Coats Leather Coats Chamois Shirts Sweaters Sport Coats Gloves — Mittens Military Goods and Out-door Clothes O Army ana Navy Store 110-120-122 So. Aurora St., Ithaca, N. Y.

Page 37

The Wide E ESTABLISHED 1818 es Ce 4 CLOTHINGS) > Gentlemens Furnishing Goods, MADISON AVENUE COR. FORTY-FOURTH STREET NEW YORK Telephone Murray Hill 8800 Ready-made Outdoor Gear for Winter Heavy Homespun Norfolks & Knickers Short Warms, Leather & Leather-lined Jackets Wool Waistcoats, Caps, Gloves Mufflers, Stockings and Half-Hose BROOKS BROTHERS’ Skating and Skiing Boots , Heavy-weight Shoes, Boots, Puttees, Spats, ete. Building, convenient to the Grand Central, Subway, Send for “Comparisons” and to many of the leading BOSTON NEWPORT Hotels and Clubs TREMONTCOR. BOYLSTON 220 BELLEVUE AVENUE | A Wet Time | Prof.—‘‘When did Archimedes discover the prin- ° ciple of specific gravity?” A Mi usical Chorus of Logical Thinkers—“Saturday night.” —Purple Parrot Department Store w WwW WwW Stocking all of the finest instru- How About Gold Digging? ments that the market affords. I have often wondered whether clam digging came : under the head of fishing or agriculture.—Log Quick repair service on all musical instruments. w WwW WwW - New Victor Records every A True Test week on Friday. Fiancee—‘Which would you rather have me buy you, a porch swing or an automobile?” Girl—“‘Oh, a porch swing.” at ot Fiancee—“Ah, she loves me.”—Puppet Tot HICKEY’S The Old Fashioned Girl Lyceum Music Store “My girl’s got a dress she’ll never wear out.” “ - “what kind is it?” NEXT TO THE LYCEUM THEATRE “Her nightgown.”—Puppet

Page 38

36 ss The Widow Lupton Pivoted Sash in Selden Worsted Mills, Methuen, Mass. Chas. T. Main, Engineer DAYLIGHT AND AIR— two essentials in modern industrial buildings, are © best obtained through the use of Lupton Steel Sash. We prove this in our catalogue No. 110: issued free upon request to those interested. | DAVID LUPTON’S SONS CO., PHILADELPHIA | Gwin Makers of quality Steel Products “Est. °77” NORTON PRINTING COMPANY 317 E. STATE ST. makers of fine Banquet and Invitation Menus, Dance Orders, Invitations, An- nouncements, Business Stationery, Cards, Posters, Books, Publica- - tions, etc. Wallach Bros. Wigs, Sfilordashenylans HART SCHAFFNER & MARX Clathongl OU may depend on the same authoritative correctness and high standard of excellence in hats, haberdashery and clothing which you buy of our Representatives to the Colleges as you would expect to find in any one of our four New York Stores. “Satisfaction or Money Back” Broadway, below Chambers Broadway, cor. 29th 246-248 West 125th 3d Ave., cor. 122d New York Winter Fashion Hints from the South Coats of tar are being worn quite extensively, and it is believed they will stick.—Dirge w WwW W Yes, Yes All things come to those who wait. But when they do, they’re out of date. —Octopus w W WwW Picture As You Go Fred—“Did you hear of the astronomer who is taking pictures of one of the planets with a pocket kodak?” Freda—‘No, which planet?” Fred—“‘The earth.”—Purple Parrot Wow. W Belittling Women Physician—‘Man’s greatest troubles are caused by bacteria and microbes.” Caller—“What funny names for women.” —Puppet

Page 39

The Widow ‘ | FI rE : 3) I { Wt 7 66 e Hcl: Y our |) iB That “Light te ) : IEF ‘| ay Wiese | Breakfast” 7 | = i=l Junior eek Lax || st | iz} You mean to eat it every morn- I 1 F : | | ing, bot you get midelzactod to I W ' =| uckwheat cakes and sausage, and (15! ere does il § O: IBF so you take to the day’s task a slug- iz| le gish liver and a heavy brain. iz | Who gets the enormous amount \ | il | of money paid out during Junior Ul | i | Week for those few days of i | Té < I | entertainment? Who are you i | | | ‘| | paying for these things: [| WV he at | iz} Lots of food for a few cents I | ' Favors Furniture i all IE i | || lz | canes i et A breakfast of Shredded Wheat ‘| | Tuxedos | Flowers lz Biscuit with milk puts you “on your jel | Et toes,” giving you that mental buoy- 12h | Cannes hci il ancy and alertness that fit you for |e! | Haberdashery Engraving i the hg & s be ae the aa _ IB | ee ae NEI wit redde eat and milk. HEI | cone hd ecueees lI Eat it for lunch with “half and i | Linen Music I | | soe eet it for dinner with sliced i Orchest =| ananas, berries or other fruits. NEI: ese or 1 | All the meat of the whole wheat lI IF ready-cooked and_ ready-to-eat. lel All of them are advertised in i : I d di ee ie TRISCUIT is the Shredded le}: undergraduate publications || Wheat cracker — a real whole igi P eee, le) wheat toast—eaten with butter, iz| atronize the advertisers | soft cheese or marmalades. il le The Shredded Wheat Company iB 2 Niagara Falls, N. Y. ie | A i The Cornell Widow, Inc. Tl i IB Member of the Ithaca Board of Commerce

Page 40

ne aa tae aE ae ANNOUNCEMENT PETRILLOSE BROS. Will Sell Pressing Contracts" 20 Suits for $5.00 Work Called for and Delivered—Suits Made to Order at Cost : All Work Guaranteed 204 Dryden Road Dial 7744. Probably Floorwalker “Why do these birds run around without any Start the Year Right hats on?” “Oh, they think they’re hot.” : ; —-G le Determine beyond question argoy whether or not your eyes w Ww w are functioning properly. It | Neither Have We Prof.’s Wife—“EKustace, I do wish you’d hurry.” Prof. (absent-mindedly ) —“Hurry—Great Jupiter, I haven’t time to hurry.”—Mink makes a big difference with your work. , w W Ww And remember we are at Might Try Roller Skates “Can you help me select a gift for a very wealthy old aunt who is awfully weak and can hardly walk?” Esa daee EF Clerk—“Well, how about some floor wax?” —Phoenix your service. Wilson & Burchard _ We Formerly Wilson Optical Co. 208 East State Street canal yeaa Co—‘What is the matter with Ches and Mabel? I thought they were engaged.” “WE GRIND OUR OWN LENSES”’ Ed—“Yes, they fell in love at first sight—and then Ches returned, unexpectedly, and took a second look.”—Panther THE CASCADILLA SCHOOLS College Preparatory Boarding School September to June Specializing in College Preparatory Work. Small Classes.. Individual Attention All branches of Athletics—the majority of our Students enter Cornell SPECIAL TUTORING SCHOOL October to July 7 Specializing in High Grade Tutoring in All Preparatory Subjects For Catalogs Address F. B. CHAMBERLIN, Director Box W, Ithaca, New York

Page 41

The Widow | 39 KNICKERBOCKER GRILL Broadway and 42nd Street New York City Famous for a generation. The rendezvous of men and women who are doing things in the amuse- ment and professional world. SWEATERS REDUCED FINEST IMPORTED WOOLIES IN PLAIDS, HEATHERS, STRIPES AND PLAIN EFFECTS. CAMELS HAIR At luncheon there is music: at dinner music and dancing: The English Coffee Room at luncheon re- minds one of a famous Wall Street restaurant— the Main restaurant offers the refinements sug- AND FLEECES. PRACTICALLY HALF gested by femininity and the indescribable lure of PRICE. COAT AND PULL-OVER STYLES. contact. . ¢ ¢ | 6 to 918 The King Cole Club (after the Theatre) is redo- FORMERLY $10 TO $35 lent of the new Bohemia, which obtains its elixir from good company and dancing. TFUNCTHILIEAY 5 West 46th Street NEW YORK Puzzle: Find Father “Did you take your father apart and speak to him?” “No, but he went ‘au to pieces when I told him.” —Purple Parrot Ww W WwW Why Not Mah-jong? Jiggs—‘I want to get my girl something nice for Christmas, but I don’t want her to know anything about it.” Briggs—“Get her a radio set. She won’t know anything about that for years.”—F'roth poi Rs Join the fees ert Two Million Underwood Users When the frost is on the pumpkin HE UNDERWOOD Typewriter will take And the bees are in the hive, | care of your correspondence in half the Thirty-dollar overcoats are time consumed by the scratchy pen. You Marked way down to sixty-five. can RENT an UNDERWOOD Typewriter —Purple Parrot at a moderate rate from our local branch. Ww WwW Ww UNDERWOOD TYPEWRITER CO. . ncorporate 224 East State Street Ithaca, N. Y. Little drops of whiskey, ‘Little nips of gin T el Make the strongest wonder ephone 2432 Where in hell they’ve been. —Lord Jeff

Page 42

mS The Widow They Come They Look They Eat_ At CRESCENT LUNCH Quantity, Quality and Service The Largest Office Building in the World Has a Webster System | of Steam Heating Towering—many floors above the street, the famous Equitable Build- ing in lower Broadway, New York, is the largest office building in the world devoted exclusively to offices. Its immense bulk gives every ap- pearance of stability. It is comfortable too, for steam is circulated to its thousands of radi- ators by a Webster System of Steam Heating. The occupant in any room on any floor from the basement to loft can select any desired degree of warmth by means of the Webster Modulation Valves with which each radiator is equipped. Thousands of important buildings, large and small, are kept warm with Webster Systems of Steam Heating, not only in the United States, but in England, Canada and other countries. Warren Weiler Eloupaty Steam Heating Specialists Since 1888 MAIN OFFICE AND WORKS—CAMDEN, NEW JERSEY Branch Offices in 41 Cities In Canada: Darling Brothers, Ltd., Montreal In England: Atmospheric Steam Heating Co., London STRAND THEATRE January 20th to 25th Paramount Feature Comedy “RUGGLES OF RED CAP” Extra Educational Comedy & &£ Coming— BUSTER KEATON in “HOSPITALITY” Shame on Her—Who Is She? He (soulfully)—‘“My love cannot be expressed by words!” She (eagerly) —‘‘Tell me about it!”—Octopus w WwW WwW A Class in Design The Man—‘What a stunning gown!” The Maid—“You’re well built yourself.” —Lord Jeff w WwW Ww Soph—“Frosh may not wear jewelry on the cam- pus.” Frosh—“Is an Ingersoll jewelry?” —Panther w WwW Ww Drag Would-be Reformer—“My boy, don’t you know if you keep this up you’ll not go to heaven when you die?” Souse—“Whatta I care. St. Peter’s a fraternity brother of mine.”—Puppet w WwW WwW Some studes are natural-born flirts, while others had the winking habit forced on them by prohibi- tion.—F'roth CRESCENT THEATRE Week of January 20th Sunday and Monday JAMES KIRKWOOD in “THE EAGLE’S FEATHER” &¢ & & Tuesday to Saturday POLA NEGRI in “THE SPANISH DANCER” A Paramount Picture

Page 43

A REAL WHOLESOME TREAT Nestle’s Ice Cream In Brick or in Bulk Individual Moulds, Monogram Moulds Nestles Chocolates and Malted Milk Butter and Eggs Fruit Punch for Parties Universal Milk Co. Phone 2983 The Widow | 4] Bero Sta sp Hats “They ‘Retain the Style Lines Longer” Sold by BUTTRICK & FRAWLEY, ITHACA, N.Y. Courtney and Cornell Rowing By C. V. P. YOUNG, ’99 This book will be enjoyed by anyone who is in- terested in rowing, in The Old Man, or in Cornell. With Thirty Illustrations Cloth-bound, embossed in red and gold An ideal gift book On Sale at All Bookstores $1.50 Published by Cornell Publications Printing Co. R. W. SAILOR ’07, Mgr. ITHACA, N. Y. Students of ARCHITECTURE and ENGINEERING The American Blower Company—manufacturers of air- handling and air conditioning equipment for every industrial purpose—will gladly send you bulletins describing the practical application of such apparatus. These bulletins—used to supplement standard text books— will keep you informed regarding the latest developments of air-handling and conditioning machinery of every type. American Blower Company Detroit Heating Fans Ventilating Blowers Exhaust Systems Steam Engines Air Conditioning Waste heat Systems Mechanical Draft Air Washing Fans "me OESE “HEATING » VENTILATING » DRYING, AIR CONDITIONING , MECHANICAL DRAFT

Page 44

42 ~ The Widow L. H. Lamont & Company ELECTRICAL CONTRACTING ENGINEERS 9 South Clinton Street CHICAGO We try to give a little better service than the customer expects baaa\ THE ATKINSON ITHACA,NY. The Atkinson Press | PRINTING 122 South Tioga Street TELEPHONE 2623 THE ATKINSON PRESS ITHACA,NY. Large and small orders are accorded the same personal attention Alvey Manufacturing Co. Manufacturers of AMCO Conveying Machinery St. Louis, Mo., U.S.A. \ Main Office and Works, AMCO Conveyors are used extensively by the most prominent concerns engaged in all lines of industries throughout the country, such as the following: Sears, Roebuck & Co., Chicago, IIl., and Philadelphia, Pa. Armour & Co., Chicago, IIl., and various Branches Anheuser-Busch, Inc., St. Louis, Mo. Pillsbury Flour Mills Co., Minneapolis, Minn. Eastman Kodak Co., Rochester, N. Y., and Chicago, IIl. R: Chevrolet Motor Car Co., Flint, Mich., and Branches Hazel-Atlas Glass Co., Wheeling, West Va., and Branches Continental Can Co., Baltimore, Md., and Chicago, III. Etc., Ete. Branch offices:—New York, Chicago, Boston, Phila- delphia, Cleveland, Detroit, Portland, San Francisco Lodge-night These woolen blankets make me itch. But I try the best I can, ’Cause there ain’t no sheets around the house Since father joined the Ku Klux Klan. —F roth w WwW W The Day of Daze. Prof.—T’ll give you just one day to hand in that paper.” Stude—“All right. How about the Fourth of July?”—Purple Parrot w W W Many a man who sits on a dressmaker’s cushion finds himself on pins and needles.—Humbug w WwW W There’s a Reason First Stude—“I was with Mary in the library last night when the lights went out.” Second Stude—“What did you do?” First Stude—“‘Nothing.” Second Stude—“Couldn’t you find her?” —Humbug

Page 45

| The Widow | ORNELL’S Metal reproduction of the world famous Discus Thrower, in Goldwin Smith, is remarkably /) well pictured in the December issue of The Inland « Printer. The plates are the product of our studios; full page size and in colors. We have copies of this page for free distribution, and will be glad to mail a copy to anyone interested. We feel highly complimented by this national appre- clation of our craftsmanship. ITHACA ENGRAVING CO. FIRST NATIONAL BANK BLDG. ITHACA, ANY. Ought to Carry a Ouija Board “cc 7 1 e ‘ Salesman—“Do you carry a fire extinguisher on ‘“We Treat Your Linen White’’ your business car?” His Victim—‘T do not.” Salesman—“Why don’t you? It would make a et ae Student Laundry Agency His Victin—‘“I think not. I am an undertaker.” Twenty Years Is a Long Time She—‘I wonder if you remember me? Twenty Phone 2023 for an years ago you asked me to marry you.” Absent-minded Prof.—‘Ah, yes, and did I?” —Gargoyle w W W A Key Hole Romance One of the local hotels caught on fire, and in the newspaper description of it, we found the following statement of it: ““Miss Zelle, who was taking a bath when the fire started, was saved by the watchfulness of the porter and the shineboy.”—Puppet w W W “* Send it to the Student Laundry”’ The Ultimate in Perfumes “Is that ‘Quelque Fleurs’ I smell?” “Yep, ‘Four Roses.’ ”—Lord Jeff C. J. PECKHAM, ’24 J. F. FARRAR, °25 43

Page 46

44 The Widow Engravings in this Book made by The Electric City Engraving Co. NUMETAL WEATHER STRIP is made of a Specially Prepared Spring Metal Inexpensive, Efficient and Easily Applied Driscoll Bros. & Co. 135-137 South Aurora Street 967 Washington St., Buffalo, N. Y. Ode to My Mustache Hail to thee, Oh fringe of fuzz, verdant and thin, That has hibernated on that virgin soil above my chin Which is known and appreciated as my upper lip, Even as the tassled corn or shredded wheat, Doth shoot from out the fertile ground, So, too, doth thou slowly spring out beneath My nasal edifice, silently without a sound! _ Again Hail, voluptuous ornament, mon- arch, strainer of the toothsome soup, ’T will not be many years before you begin to droop— And then, Oh Earth, Oh Land, Oh Joy Sub- lime, Will come the Heavenly, Glorious time— Oh Gee! if the fuzz doth come, Can larger hairs be far behind.” —Minnesota Daily w W W It isn’t how a girl will give a kiss, but how she will give it back.—Beanpot w W WwW Why is a wriggly dance never gummy? —Virginia Reel OSCAR M. GERE 321 E. State St. Sole agency in Ithaca for Syracuse Star Cleaning and Dyeing Works Ladies’ fancy dresses and all kinds of pleating done by experts PRESSING CONTRACTS Work called for and Delivered DIAL 4261

Page 47

The Widow | 45 There are two books every electrical engineer should own and study— | The I-T-E Circuit Breaker Hand Book and Protection Up-to-date” They both deal with the protection of generators, motors and electrically driven machinery We will gladly send them to a Cornell Flea or graduate upon request The Cutter Electrical & Mfg. Co. | Philadelphia, Pa. Tricklings of a Phone Conversation Through Chinks in a Dormitory Wall Al d K B “..met...after the Art’s Ball... stunning... exan er 4 rown I fell at once... hard... mighty neat ...madea : bad slip... shocking . . . threw me hard .. . could 949 Washington Street hardly recover ... sore yet... g’bye.” Door opens. CHICAGO “Say, Jack, got an extra pillow? Damn this Pitts- burgh ice... Thanks.” Exit limping.—Puppet w WwW W Hardware Plumbin g Some people seem to find the odor of sanctity of- fensive. ae and A Marked Man : Soph.—T see that they captured a Berlin printer | Dray nae who had been counterfeiting German marks last week.” : Sophter—“‘Got a long jail sentence, I suppose?” F Soph.—‘Naw, they put him in the insane asylum.” —Pelican w WwW WwW Phone— Main 4259 Burlesque shows’ report business much better on account of the longer skirts on the street.—Froth

Page 48

} ' i ] ' 4 i 46 HOT CHOCOLATE MADE WITH FRESH MILK tS A MOST REFRESHING AND STIMULAT- ING BEVERAGE ON THESE COLD WINTRY DAYS. The best is the most satisfying J. PAPAYANAKOS Op. Sheldon Court AMEE Walle College Avenue The Cornell Barber Shop Established 1900 &¢ . Eight Chairs Courteous Service ¢¢ ¢£ AL and TOM Cornell Tailor Shop ¢ ¢ ¢ Repairing, Pressing and Alterations SUITS MADE TO ORDER ¢¢#¢# The old stand 216 E. State Street R. J. PAWERS Give her. a favor— Do her a favor— Bea favor ite— HERE’S HOW— The remaining six issues of The Widow can be sent for $1.75 or a whole year for $3.00 Simple—Isn’t It? She—‘Why is it that at some times you seem so manly and at others so absolutely effeminate?” He—‘Heredity, I suppose.” She—“Heredity?” He—“Yes. You see, half of my ances- tors were men and the other half were wom- en.” w W W Yeah Bricklayer—‘And what will you pay me?” Boss—‘T’ll pay you one dollar and fifty cents.” Bricklayer—‘“What do you think I am, a college graduate?”—Yellow Jacket A Healthy Drink GINGER-MINT JULEP Gives Pep Quenches Thirst THE Christiance - Dudley Pharmacy, Inc. 214-216 EAST STATE STREET Compacts Powders Perfumes The Widow Fraternity Groups Our facilities for making groups are unsurpassed New Equipment New Lighting Make appointments for the Annual now &¢ 2 € The Robinson Studio 212-214 E. State St. JUNIOR WEEK FAVORS and everything in jewelry, earrings, beads, nov- elties, etc. ¢ 2 ¢ Brown & Delavan Hallmark Jewelers 156 East State Street Attention Fraternities We are here to serve you with the best line of fresh and salt meats that money can buy. Come in, look us over. Talk it over; give us atrial. Or- der and be convinced. Prompt service. College Ave. Market 321 COLLEGE AVENUE Phone 2651 Kk. A. SPENCER & SON

Page 49

sire to thank all our patrons for the very fine business they have given us during the past year “Quality First is still our slogan” ¢ ¢ J. W. HOOK, Ine. Fruits and Vegetables Butter and Eggs Phone Haymarket 2727 M. H. CRANE ESTATE Steam and Hot Water Heating Power Piping Chicago, Ill. Following the Holidays, we de- 28 No. Desplaines St.. THE Hill Drug Store C. W. DANIELS, Pharmacist 328 College Avenue ri v ¢ ¢ Razor Blades Shaving Creams Tooth-pastes and Powders Soaps and Bath Towels The Student Candy Shop NIGHT LUNCHES CANDY SODA WATER Exceptional Attention and Service 310 Stewart Avenue Foot of Williams Street Ths Wuae Right and On Time STOVER Some Walk The swain of happy olden days Never had to call a taxi, And damsels did not have a craze For guys with Cadillacs. He Courted her beneath the stars, While she rode on the handle bars. —Pelican w W W You don’t have to go swimming to have a shark pull your leg.—Siren Ww Ww OQOQOOQoo000 What? Here’s to the breezes That blow through the treeses And show the girl’s kneeses Beneath their chemises It pleases And teases And freezes But OOOOoo000. —Puppet w W W- Extreme Laziness “T’ve been laboring under a delusion.” “What doing?” “Laboring under a delusion.”—Puppet FRANK BROTHERS Fifth Avenue Boot Shop Between 47th and 48th Streets, New York The utmost in style and worth Exhibits 220 E. State St., Ithaca, N. Y. 47 Kline’s Pharmacy completely equipped to furnish your Pharmaceutical and Drug Sundry Wants. ¢¢es Local Agents for REXALL REMEDIES 112-114 NORTH AURORA STREET IDEAL LUNCH 103 North Tioga Street A Clean and Attractive Eating Place The Best of Everything to Eat Always Well Cooked TRY THE IDEAL GEORGE S. TARBELL Trust Co. Building Ithaca, N. Y. ATTORNEY, COUNSELLOR AND NOTARY PUBLIC Real Estate Sold and Rented Take a KODAK with you You can find the one you want at HEAD’S 109 North Aurora Street

Page 50

Another Firestone Development in Motoring Progress, Bringing to ‘Motorists Unusual Comfort, Safety and Car Conservation Greater riding comfort, safety and car protection with- oui sacrificing mileage or increasing fuel consumption is Firestone’ s_ latest contribution to motoring progress by the introduction of Balloon Gum-Dipped Cords. ‘The special Firestone gum-dipping process—by which each cord is impregnated and insulated thoroughly with rubber, adding great strength and flexibility to the carcass—made it possible to carry out the new principle in tire design and construction so successfully. Soft and pliable, yet sturdy and tough, these new Firestone Gum- Dipped Cords smooth out the bumps and ruts of the road. Greater safety and control is obtained and skidding is virtuaily eliminated—for even on ‘‘slippery-wet’’ streets these tires cling tenaciously to the pavement, due to the increased flexibility of the tread and the large traction contact. In mud or sand, these AMERICA SHOULD PRODUCE ITS OWN RUBBER-~ 7@Snwilows, large, powerful tires prevent the car from sinking and hold it to a sure, straight course without slip or slide. The huge air chambers, with greatly lowered air pressure, ab- sorb allroad irregularities, preventing jars and jolts from reaching the chassis. ‘They relieve the car of much of its vibration and pre- serve it from the shocks that cause squeaks and rattles, which are especially annoying in closed cars that have been in service for some time. | If you want a new sensation in motoring, a superlative degree of riding comfort, together with greater security and a longer life for your car, equip with these new Firestone Gum-Dipped Cords. See the nearest Firestone Dealer for complete information regard- ing the advantages, the special construction and the details in con- nection with the application of Firestone Balloon Cords to your car.

Page 51

WY ws pi) wit) PZ A (ua Z, A) Patt ye" > Sate A “ga wae Hi {J ieee sii LJ # we STOLL i vate —= pees A<: E , BENJAMIN FRANKLIN But nN 3 L : | 1706-1790 Printer, journalist, diplomat, : : ] ] @ inventor, statesman, philoso- pher, wit. One of the authors of t OU t tO do 1t the Declaration of Independ- ence and the Constitution, author of Poor Richard’s Al- manack; and one of the most = By bringing electricity down from the clouds eminent natural philosophers i z : : a of his time. over a kite string, it was a simple thing to prove that lightning was nothing more than a tremendous electrical flash. For centuries before Franklin flew his kite in 1751 philosophers had been speculating about the nature of lightning. With elec- trified globes and charged bottles, others had evolved the theory that the puny sparks of the laboratory and the stupendous phenom- enon of the heavens were related; but Franklin substituted fact for theory — by scientific experiment. Roaring electrical discharges, man-made lightning as deadly as that from the clouds, are now produced by scientists in the Re- search Laboratories of the General Electric Electrical machines bearing tie euarteeg tbe Company. They are part of experiments pany, inuse throughout which are making it possible to use the standards of living by power of mountain torrents farther and far- I ther from the great industrial centers. GENERAL ELECTRIC

Page 52

A GOOD ROUSING HEALTH TO CORNELL “Let your glasses clink ” brimming with that delightfully flavored all-weather beverage | POE 4) a. aan Stiracinno 4 S$3x3! — The preference of college men everywhere — The Atkinson Press, Ithaca, N. Y. The above advertisement was written by Mr. E. R. Thompson of Cornell University at the request of Frank Archer of the Moxie Company, who thus affords an exceptional opportunity for the students to gain practical experience in writing advertise- ments for a famous product.