Punch 1899-12-13: Vol 117

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“I Decemper 13, 1899.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. : —_— ;

NO ROOM TO LIVE. { The L. C. C. are considering the housing problem.” — Daily Peper.) THEY ses as they ’re consid’rin’, is our friends the L. C. C., Wot they calls the ’ousin’ problem, which it’s time they wos, ses we, | For there ain't no self-respectin’ pig in Christendom nor Rome As wouldn't turn ’is snout up at the sty wot we calls ‘ome.

The hatmusfear! Why, s’elp me! ‘ave yer travelled by them trines | Wot ’s run for workmen’s benefits by philanthropic lines, Wiv six a-side an’ ’arf-a-dozen trampin’ on yer feet ? Well, that’s the kind of hatmusfear wot wraps our slumbers sweet.

| There's me, Sir, an’ the missus, not to speak of them there brats Wot shares wiv two more famerlies the hattie an’ the rats, An’ glad enough ter get it, though the slites is mostly horf, | Which it’s ’ealthy for consumptives wot ‘as got a chronic corf. | It ain't the plice as I would choose, but wot's a chap to do? | An’ when the other famerlies takes in a lodger too, | An’ when the lodger ’e gets drunk, why then, it seems to me, It 's time they took the problem up, our friends the L. C. C.

| A TALE OF SEVERAL ToBs.—‘‘ The Seizure of Unwholesome | Fruit’’ effected by the chief sanitary inspector THOMAS has pro- | bably prevented several very violent ‘‘ seizures '’ which would | have followed on the consumption of this ‘‘ pernicious stuff.’’ It is, indeed, a case where prevention is a hundred times better than cure, and, indeed, in some instances, cure might have heen impossible.

oe en ’ THE STATUE OF OLIVER CROMWELL.—It only cost England one sovereign. OLIVER thought the sovereign a bad ’un, and was CHRISTMAS COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR. sharp enough to insist on having full change. BINKS HAS BEEN DRAGGED ROUND THE SrorFs FIVE TIMES ALREADY. Mrs. I. SAYS THEY MUST GO ROUND ONCE MORE, ‘‘IN What a ‘“‘lightning artist’’ is a dentist! In less than a | CASE WE VE OVERLOOKED ANYTHING, MY DEAR!” minute he paints the gum, and draws the tooth! Wonderful!

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< PRO JOSEPHO. He never seems to have a use An Emperor should turn a head | 4 : ical’: For jar or score or wrangle. That seemed screwed on so tightly? | (By Mr. Punch's Vagrant.) He proves through every turn and twist} That one night of the royal smile [“ Mr. CHAMBERLAIN is not a diplomatist.”’ How blest a fate awaits men Of our moustachioed WILLY Times.) Who join the state of humourist Should make so-very ’cute a file Or CHAMBERLAIN a song I sing, To all that makes them statesmen. Turn almost soft and silly ? Of whom much ill is spoken ; They say he shatters everything That can by chance be broken. Strange, is it not (like Mr. STEAD We do not know, we cannot say ; 1 put my points politely), We are but humble mortals ; |

To France he fills a heady cup We never trod the scarlet way Of ovenhebi Dateien .— Through Windsor’s gilded portals. “aR oe , We have not felt the subtle fumes And breaks our Yankee friendship up That dim cach courticr’s eve. Bir | sainiiliiteds Wik alias aan . : ye, Sir, By calling it alliance. Who stands within the private rooms Of Deutsehland’s sacred KAISER.

The Germans, too, I understand, If they are rightly quoted, The proffered Chamberlainian hand With deep aversion noted. Their lengthy words they do not mince When JOSEPH is indicted— Oh, it must make a proud man wince To find himself so slighted ! If, speaking in a kindly voice, A Kaiser came and met us, The shock that made our hearts re- | joice Might possibly upset us. | If, casting etiquette aside, He grasped our hand and shook it, Since no one therefore speaks for Jor, HON COMMANDER -1N-CHIEF The insult might not wound our pride ; I feel that I must do it. oF THe I faney we should brook it. Defence is not my line ; just so ; aT GuTISh SoCs ORLASE Yet am i driven to it. Dead sets I cannot bear to see, And, oh delight ! who knows if Great JOSEPH might not smile on me, ’ If I speak up for JOSEPH.

And so we cannot much impeach, We should not even pester, The KAIsER’s friend who made a speech Some days ago at Leicester. His words are innocent of vice, Who, with a courtly kootoo, Has drunk the milk of Paradise, And fed on honey dew too.

ABLE BODIED BEGCARS $$ ee Tn him what qualities are mixed, Good temper and discretion, The pleasant speech by which is fixed The friendliest impression ; Good humour, courtesy and wit, =<, LANL Re If JosePH, therefore, was not meek, But haughty and unbending,

That has of gall no tincture, | — ae <n And spoke as pots to kettles speak, I | The chivalry that scorns to hit | wthali Pea Ova Sororens' Sones" Of manners and their mending ; | Except above the cincture! If he embraced the U.S.A. os | P.LeAsk sEND ALL SUBSCRIPTIONS To With ardour too eestatic, With temper patient to unloose LADIES’ KENNELASSOCIATION : HEADQUARTERS,| Remember this is JOSEPH’S way, The knots that others tangle, 5, Great JAMEs Street, BeprorD Row, W.C. Who is not diplomatic.

VOL. CXVII. BB