Punch 1899-04-05: Vol 116

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Aprit, 5, 1899.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. 157

[According to the London Government Bill, there is a prospect cf Ladies being Mayors and Aldermen. } Tue Rigut WorsHIPFUL THE LADY MAyor, WITH MACE-BEARER, SWORD-BEARER, TOWN CLERK, AND SHE-RIVES IN ATTENDANCE.

STEWARD ! |The new remedy for sea-sickness is to wear red spectacles, which send the blood to the head.] At the latest cure for mal-de-mer Imagination boggles ! You ’d never guess—they bid you wear A pair of bright red goggles! A nautical mistake is this Some landsman has exhorted ; With two red lights you’d go amiss— One green lamp should be sported ! Thus then equipped, you'll steer your course With confidence assured, And never raise, in accents hoarse, The doleful cry of ‘* Stured !’’ (sic).

FROM A BACHELOR UNCLE’S DIARY. Monday.—J ust received the following from my nephew Max :— Dear Uncite CHARLEY, Ass I wrote 2 or 3 weeks ago teling you we were esstabishin Sosiety I thort you onsurfative as I sed I shood be & made but I jolly soon made him shut up becos alltho hes a rotter his vote counts all the saim I spose theres lots of rotters in the reel Parlyment whoos votes counts all the saim isnt there well SmrrH Major was Pressydent & tried to cock it over the rest of us hes an ass & just when I was ortins on a Reslootion ‘* That Rusher is e Heredtry enummy of England” Jonzs Major larfd ‘sniggring ass he is well I kept uite carlm & sed if the Hon. Member (fancy him being a Hon. Member) means that as a ninsult Ile jolly well let him have it after school & then the Pressydent Smirx Major you know sed shut up & I sed I shant shut up Ile punch his head & then the fellers got round & sed have it out after four in the long feeld dont fite hear or Pocetes thats our form master will hear i< & Jones Major tride to snear & sed he diddent want to hurt the Hon. Member but I sed that be blowed I was orfly riled & after school by gum I gave it him hot he had to shut up after the 4th round he sucked a Lemmen & I a a

a School Debayting | like to know how it, ot on well it was all rite at first I was a| STINKER one too he wantid to be a Libral | oringe between the rounds & he sed at last hed had enuff so we shook hands & we ’ve bin orful frens ever sinsce I gave him my old bat the one that brakes evry time you play with it & one of your cigars UNcLE CHARLEY witch I collard wen we wear stoping with you & he was sick after it I tell you. The Reslootion for discushion next week is ‘That Lord Sorlsbrys conduet of Forren afairs meats the approovle of this House” & ass Ime leading speeker for Lord S. Ime going round to sum of the litle chaps jest to give them a hint that theyd better vote for my side or Ile maike it hot for them its surpriceing how easy it is to get fellers— espeshally litle fellers—to vote wen you jest do that & praps twist there arms a bit. f you like Ile send you result of discushion drop me a line—& you mite send us sum for Tommy & me to last a fortnight we dont mind them rather high. Your affeckshunt nephew Max.

AFTER AN EASTERTIDE FESTIVITY— ON THE INNER CIRCLE, Guard. *“* Where are you for ?”’ Old Gent. ‘I’m oright—Edgware Road.”

You ’ve been round three times ! sossages at the saim time too I mean enuff Guard. “Well, mind you get out this time. | ODE TO EASTER. (With apologies to the North-East Wind.) WELCOME, wintry Easter, Shame it is to see Odes and songs to Christmas, Ne’er a verse to thee. Welcome, bitter Easter, Cut the early rose, Freeze the nesting black-bird, Nip the unguarded nose. Tired we were of summer, Voted zephyrs queer, When the storms of Winter Ought to have been here. Easter, send us blizzards, Frosts exceeding great, Make amends for Christmas, Turn us out to skate ! * * * * Welcome, sunny Easter, Mayst thou with thee bring All the warmth of Summer All the youth of Spring! Welcome, balmy Easter, Make the blossom blow, Give the keen manceuvring Volunteer a show. Come with soft South-wester Breathing mild and kind, Kill the influenza, Knock the microbe blind. Easter, send us sunshine, Sunshine every day, Cricket, golf, and tennis, Tarn us out to play! * * * . Thus the bard greets Easter With a double voice, Gents, you pays your money, Gents, you takes your choice ; For the good old weather, Cold or hot, allow— With the bard bid Easter Welcome—anyhow !

Legal Enquiries. Is it correct to describe a pair of old- fashioned spectacles as “‘ ancient lights ’’ ? Should an action on a “bill of sale”’ be brought in the Admiralty Court ? Is the acceptance of an invitation by letter a “* promissory note’ ? Are pipes and cigarettes ‘‘ necessaries’ for an “ Infant”’ ?

VOL. CXVI,