Punch 1899-02-22: Vol 116

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’ oo Fe Oe wie monn ~ Fesruary 22, 1899.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. an " AMIN ~ enna vaauuaaanuns A ’ 1 I) NG Wuy NoT A PHONOGRAPHIC AFTER-DINNER SPEECH MACHINE ? CELEBRITIES COULD BE REPRESENTED AT ANY NUMBER OF BANQUETS, [‘* An experiment in dinner speeches by telephone is to be tried at Massachusetts Institute.’”-— Echo. ] TO A BROOMSTICK. [A broomstick was found in one of the reservoirs at Atcham, which had a wondrous flora on it, besides four genera of the saprolegniacewe.— Evening Paper. ] BroomsTIck that in olden days Swirt distinguished with his praise, Sunk since hen in evil plight, To dishonour relegated, Science you with kindly light Now has rehabilitated, As on you it bids us see Saprolegniacee. Think no longer how your broom Once would scour the dusty room, Henceforth beauty may adorn All that fills us now with loathing, Fig on thistle, grape on thorn, We may find, since glorious clothing You now wear by Fate’s decree, Saprolegniacee. Broomstick, let us learn of you, (We are “sticks,” too often, too,) Then let your example show How, when we, too, are forgotten (As the wondrous flora grow On your wood when dead and rotten) Our bequest, like yours, may be Saprolegniacee. THE UMBRELLA. Dear Mr. Puncu,—Our useful friend, the umbrella, has never been deemed worthy of any regulation of tenderness since it was brought into the public service. Letus take Regent Street on a day of steady downpour. Here come a couple of pedestrians, a lady and gentleman, with one umbrella between them, naturally upheld by the cavalier. Pray notice that in his awkward anxiety to save his hat, the latter permits the drops | from the parapluie to descend free on the left shoulder of his fair companion, who enters the café, flinging the wet from her | jacket like a damp retriever, and exclaims, angrily, ‘*What a beastly umbrella that Timp jis!” Could any accusation be more un- fair? The unhappy mixture of silk and steel has done its best to protect both, but owing to the male pedestrian not having been educated up to umbrella-work, coupled with his own selfishness, the unlucky ‘‘brolly”’ has to bear the blame, as well as the greater part of the ducking. Now observe the meeting of that very tall individual and that very short person, both umbrella’d. The latter raises his protector as high as his right arm will reach. Seeing this, the giant reduces his reach. What is the consequence ? A collision, rents in both umbrellas, and some language not com- patible with the moral standard of Mr. Punch. Again the result of neglected edu- cation. The rain stops fora while. Down come the umbrellas, and are shaken, especially by the ladies, over the passers-by on a give-and- take ——— instead of the entire infantry wheeling to the left and working-off the moisture in the gutter. Now a strong breeze arises still charged with moisture. Handled by owners callous of the rule of the pavement, which differs from the rule of the road, the umbrellas in the clutch of the party facing the wind are lowered until they become so many batter- [According to the Daily News, character-reading from the nose is the latest science. } READING OF A VERY EMINENT NOSE BY OUR OWN NASOLOGIST. ing rams, while the opposition, having their ‘*gamps’’ extended over their backs, are —— to resist the enemy, and are broken up like the Dervishes at Omdurman. W ere detinite rules in existence, the travellers going up stream would take one side of the way, and those going down the other. I am, dear Mr. Punch, Your obedient Servant, Waterloo Lodge, S.W. DrippinG Pan. A VERESTCHAGIN REVIEW. One can only apply a military term to the battle-scenes {at the Grafton Gallery) of our old friend Vast~1 VASILIYEVITCH VERESTCHAGIN, when not sneezing at the sight of the Russian names on the snow- pictures. Verestchat’ means ‘‘ to whimper,” in Russian, but there is not much whining about this warrior-artist, as he unflinch- ingly sets down on canvas the various ex tremely unpleasant conditions of a cam- paign in an Arctic climate, though he is this time a little less blood-curdling with ‘** Napoleon's Retreat from Moscow” than on the occasion of his former exhibition at the Grosvenor Gallery. GospopIn ,V. V. V. has compiled a highly interesting and his- torical booklet (not without touches of con- siderable naiveté) to accompany his pictures, but why, oh why, are the latter numbered out of all order, or sometimes not at all ? In one instance the same number (65) and verbal description serves for two quite different scenes at Inkerman, one showing the famous Rock, and the other the bridge over the Chernaya. Perhaps since our visit this eccentricity may have been corrected. VERESTCHAGIN gives us personal details with regard to some of his subjects in the next room. Servant girls are cheap in Viatka. For example, No. 38 earns eighteen- pence a month. ‘“ My cook at Moscow (No. 84) lived some time in St. Petersburg, and therefore uses German words occasion- ally.’ Here is material for an epitaph, as also in the case of a zealous Mayor of a village near Rostov in the Yaroslav Govern- ment, who, we are told in a note, ‘has yainted the Church red.” Is this the official ussian equivalent to our English painting the town the same cheerful colour ? VOL. CXNI,