Punch 1899-02-08: Vol 116

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Fesrvuary 8,. 1899.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. | | | | [** Chinese footballers are to visit England.” —Echo.] PrRoPHETIC PIicTURE OF THE GREAT MATCH BETWEEN THE AH PING ROVERS AND THE TING JING BouNDERS. , rons | WAR TO THE—BUN, (“At a meeting of the London Master Bakers’ Protection Society it was stated that the north- determined to commence a crusade against hot cross buns. Those articles were most indigestible, and their consumption was against the public health.’”"—Daily Paper.] Ox, honest Master Bakers, hail ! Who an ill-gotten wealth disdain, And your own merchandise assail, To save us from an annual pain, Bidding us solemnly to shun The horrors of the Hot Cross Bun. Now haply butchers will protest (By your example made “ey - ** Don’t buy our beef, ’tis not the best, Our mutton, too, is far too dear. Kind friends, we dare not tell a lie, Nor grow too wealthy—pray don’t buy!”’ Athirst when to the bar we go, A modest glass of ale to crave, The publican will answer, ** No! Your twopence you had better save.”’ And then, our thirst to counteract, Will proffer a teetotal tract. The corset makers will proclaim The evils that tight-laeing brings, And the costumers cry out shame On ladies wearing sea-gulls’ wings ; While doctors own with candid shrugs The deleteriousness of drugs. Yet as across the future field Each modern Qurxore thus careers, To you we'll not forget to yield The honour due to pioneers, As we remember how you made Against the bun your hot crusade. | | Dreaprut Fatrarism.—Never try to effect | & footing on the step of an omnibus in motion, | lest you be laid on your back in the road. For | it has been decided (see St. James’s Gazette, January 31) that as a matter of Common- | Sense Law (not the same as ‘‘ Common Law”’ without the “‘ sense ”’) ‘a passenger who con- | tributes to his own accident cannot recover.”’ | Poor passenger! His “ Exors.” should in- | Sist, in justice, according to Common-Sense Law, on the contributory Omnibus Company | Paying its half-share of the joint-victim’s | funeral expenses. Rintisiteenscen western district Committee of the Society had | J Maidenly Etiquette. Little Chris (etat. eight). I’ve a birthday party on Thursday, Evie. I should like you to come. Little Evie (etat. nine). I should love to, dear. Little Chris. But I couldn’t, you know, unless you asked me to tea first. QUESTION IN EXAMINATION PAPER FOR Vacancies In Banxina Hovuses.—‘ If any one receives a cheque marked ‘ Refer to drawer,’ should he at once take it to a dentist? If not, then say to what other ‘drawer’ he can refer—top-drawer, lower- drawer, secret-drawer, spring-drawer ? ” ia o 4 ANY WF SEATS OF THE MIGHTY.—X. THE ‘‘Srop-car” or ‘‘CAWMELL” Easy CuHarr, A convenient and Pee easy chair. Belonged in 1885 to one of the first Members of the (Home Rule) Salvation Army. Unfortunately blown up ten — later, by cordite. Been repaired, an now brought into prominence, for temporary use only, owing to withdrawal, for various reasons, of other seats. Will stand a great deal of rough usage. Scotch fir, upholstered in ‘‘ Campbell” tartan. THE CRUISING CAB; OR, WHOA! IN LONDON. (A New Leaf from a Traveller's Log-book, turned over many years after ‘‘Hohenlinden,” thanks to the Police regulation of Feb. 1.) In London, when the sun was low Or high, the cabs would crawling go, And at a snail’s-pace was the flow Of traftic, blocked eternally. But London saw another sight, Thanks to Sir Epwarp Braprorp’s might, Commanding men in blue to right The mischief with rapidity. In far suburban yards arrayed, Each Jehu drove his sorry jade, To ply throughout the Strand his trade In street-eongesting rivalry. Then shook the sky with “‘ language ”’ riven, When back they straight were fareless driven, And open space at last was given o each pulsating artery. But bolder yet let London grow— We ’ve other nuisances to show, That need a prompt effective blow To vanish with celerity. Especially the wayward “‘ prams,” With gaping nurse-maid causing dams Along the pavement where she rams And charges one’s anatomy. The newsboys, too, that ‘‘ Winner!” yell, The strings of sandwichmen as well, And German bands we might expel— They ’re quite a superfluity. The combat deepens. On, ye brave! Policemen, high your truncheons wave ! Move on each loit’ring, loafing knave, Or run them in ex tempore ! Few, few shall part where many meet! Tis now full time to clear the street ! Hence we applaud the bobbies’ feat (No, not their feet!) with energy ! Ancestral Colour. “*Was Apam Black?’ is Professor Tuompson’s interesting query,” writes a correspondent, and continues, ‘‘ which de- mands a reply. I, Sir, am not a Quatuor- Millenarian, but I can swear that ADAM was Brack (and so was CHARLES, his brother), when last seen by me at their publishing office in Soho Square.” Yours, ‘*Vipr Tantummy.” VOL. CXVI,