Punch 1899-01-25: Vol 116

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 37 | January 25, 1899.] | Ly | , a le NEES ‘ © Z LK . ee ,. MA 73 © AN sax pw 7 INO Rall 7 eel LOR ep | | ey SEATS OF THE MIGHTY,.—VII. Some ConcEeRT-SEATs. These seats are selected from Royal and Imperial Collections in the various capitals of Europe, and each is the chief piece of a large suite. None is valued at less than a sovereign, although the saddle-bag on the left, which is somewhat unsteady on its supports, has not yet attained a permanent value. oe aM ET TO | SPORTIVE SONGS. | (An observant male condemns the pernicious practice of wearing ill-seasoned foot and body coverings.) Way, when the rain is falling fast, And the roadway reeks with slush, When the reckless hansom going, past Distributes muddy gush; When the crossing-sweeper may not dare ‘His tale of woe to use, Why do you silken stockings wear Above brown-paper shoes ? Why do you trape in a nether skirt Of a linen sadly soiled, Upon which the dainty lace by dirt s so badly counterfoiled ? Why do you let us see these things, | The men you want to please ? Believe me, Love has need of wings | To fly from sights like these. A butterfly ‘neath a Summer sun May make her glory plain, But that butterfly is another one, She is less than the humble bumble bee, Far below the efts and newts, And so if you ’d be what men would see, Wear sensible skirts and boots ! Barkins (despondently). How can I man- age to get victuals ? | Larkins (brutally). Become a sandwich- man. When her wings are drenched with rain. THE POLICY OF PIN-PRICKS. (Domestic Edition.) SENDING an apology at the last moment \for not turning up at a carefully-arranged | dinner-party. Returning a call five months after date, and offering an inadequate explanation. | Making an appointment, keeping some | one at‘home on a fine afternoon, and failing to remember it. | Sending a cheque in settlement of a small account and not taking the trouble to add a ——— Neglecting to return books and umbrellas to those from whom they have been borrowed. Putting a man up‘for a club and neglect- ing to keep a promise of asking a friend in common to become the seconder. Arranging to take the family to a play, after an abnormally early meal, and turning up to dress a quarter of an hour after the time fixed for the commencement of the performance. Speaking about age to a lady owning to forty, and about baldness to a gentleman suspected of wearing a toupee. elling a wife (if a husband) that her latest gown is unbecoming, and a husband (if a wife) that his latest failure was what from the first she had anticipated. Way is it a blessing that even the most intelligent dogs cannot speak? Because they are all tail-bearers. THE MICROBE TRIUMPHANT. [“* Professors Dewar and Crookes have been whitewashing microbes . . . . We cannot do any- thing without them, and they are constantly at work all over us.” —Daily Paper.] OPPRESSED, down-trodden and forlorn, The butt of ridicule and scorn, Long years of anguish have we borne, And ruthless persecutions ; There is no death we have not tried : We have been boiled, and baked, and fried, And millions of us too have died In chemical solutions. But now the night that overcast Our shadowed lives is all but past— The day of justice dawns at last, And they who fain would doubt us; They who in their blind wrath attacked Their friends, their saviours, now retract, Admitting that, in point of fact, They cannot do without us. Water, they say—and who'd discuss A truth so plain ?—contains no sus- -tenance when it is robbed of us, No longer our detractors, | They yield us now our tardy due, Proclaiming us the one, the true, The all-essential, yea, the u- -niversal benefactors! CoNCEITED BILLiaRDIsts.—Men who put on “side” without having any perceptible * screw.” Part oF A REGULAR WEDDING-MARCH COMPOSED IN HONOUR OF THE MARRIAGE OF MADAME PATTI THIS WEDDINESDAY. | ee A LONG WAY AFTER MENDELSSOHN. VOL. CXYVI,