Punch 1898-08-06: Vol 115 Iss 2978

Page 1

6s 3) THE BEST NATURAL APHERIENT WATER. A Pp k N | A Of all Chemists and Mineral Water Dealers. Prices 6d., is., and is. 3d. per bottle. THE APOLLINA RIS __ ae LIMITED, LONDON. SOLE IMPORTERS: PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. ~yY . ~ ‘8 ce; Wllyygs PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET —— (oes USS Xt Ww eae VOLUME —_@—— AUGUST 6, LONDON For Cycles DUNLOP TYRES & " gihldpls First in 1888 . . Foremost ever since. A HANDSOME ILLUSTRATED BooxK.eT, “Att AsouT DUNLOP TYRES,” POST FREE. APD L LIL LLL IIS SI IS I I I _ The DUNLOP PNEUMATIC TYRE CO., Ltd., 160 to 166, Clerkenwell Road, London, E.C. \ ave / . Registered at the General Post Office as a Newspaper. PRICE THREE PENCE. @@ NOTICE.—Communications or Contributions, whetner MS.. Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any Description, will not be returned unless accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope. Cover, or Wrapper.

Page 2

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Aveusr 6, 1898. CHOCOLAT MENIER. FOR BREAKFAST. THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE CO. (Established 1825 ) Head Office: EDINBURGH. Accumulated Fund, 8} Millions Stg. ALL CLASSES OF ASSURANCES | : | CARRIED THROUGH AWARDED PRIZE MEDALS AT ALL EXHIBITIONS. Daicy Consumption, 50 Tons. SOLD RETAIL EVERYWHERE. » SAMUEL BROTHERS,| - SAINSBURY’S 65 & 67, LUDCATE HILL, LONDON, "E c. LAVENDER WATER. Prepared from the Flowers and Natural Perfumes only. STRAND, LONDON. ON FAVOURABLE TERMS. Branch Offices Adds immeasu rably to celerity and comfort in writing. Of all pens most famous t India & the Colonies Made in 3 sizes « 10/6, 16/6, = 95F uP TO £18 18s. Post Free | | HOWARD'S an) PARQUET FLOORS d, From 3 per foot. Finest quality produced. Solid Oak Wall Panelling from 2s. 6d. per foot. Separate 25, 26, & 27, BERNERS STREET, W. * Er Jacket and Vest for Hoy 4. 8 in, > * Trousers oe: 3d = L vu ee CATALOGUE and *ATTERNS tea on application, ated Catalogue Post Free on Application to MABIE, TODD | & BARD, A CHRAPSIDE ke } o> ; LONDON 5 ~~ ie etre ~ WaNcHEeTEe ~ he ONLY Stret her whereby Ge tension | tained means ee, oo ented Bese yee 6 of by wees ove in Bracing and Refreshing. THE MOST NUTRITIOUS. BRILL’S CRATEFUL— COMFORTING ot Shane. COCOA #32230 jor’ the, oP. Dept 8, Phllp bane, Ree | ICE il Made without trouble with boxes of ne bearing BSCS ns te "The Raptin. PULSOMETER ENCINEERING co ‘Un, } ean be sbtained from al we Jewelle S & Stationers . SALT. Orient Company's Pleasure Cruse ——y_. = L melted s, 912 tons For COP ENHAGEN, WISBY, "kK. = 8T. AL, &c., B a. ETERSBURG, BALTIC ng London 17th August, ———- 4 14th Septen! m ber. For SICILY, CONSTANTINOPLE, the CRIMEA, GREECE, MALTA, ALGIERS, | &e. , leaving London 20th Septem ber, return- ing "8th November. String band, electric light, high-class cuisine. Managers, F. Green & Co., Anderson, Ander- son & Co. Head Office: Fenchurch Avenue. For passage apply to the latter firm at 5, Fen- church Avenue, London, E.C., or to the West End Branch Office, 16, ee Street, 8.W. §.¥. £10 10s., £14 l4s., &e.,organised by Dr. LUNN and Mr. PEROWNE. This magnificent cruising steamer, tonnage 3,254, horse- power 4,000, is fit with all modern comforts and improvements, electric light, excellent cuisine £10 10s. CRUISE TO THE NORWEGIAN FJORDs, August 3rd (already full). 214 14s. NORTHERN CAPITALS CR Baltic Canal, Kiel, Copenhagen, Yr ~ ~'pre Wisby, Gothen- burg, Christiania, August £10 10s. CRUISE SOUND TEE BRITISH ISLES 13 days) leaving ye 6th. 214 i4. CRUISE (19 days) CANARY ISLES, rane IER, GIBRALTAR and LISBON, on the s “ Argonaut,’ September 22nd. EMPEROR WILLIAM'S VISIT TO PALES. TINE. —special Cruise for this occasion to Palestine, Egypt, Athens and Constantinople. 43 days or 35 days for 35 Guineas, leaving October 12th Full details from the Secretary, 5, Endsleigh Gardens, Euston, London, N.W. QRIENTAL CARPETS. ()RIENTAL CARPETS. () RIENTAL CARPETS. TRELOAR’S LISTS OF SPECIAL SHIPMENTS. TRELOAR & SONS, LUDGATE HILL. Ask for Catalogue. 3 EI Yb Celebratec NIE, Gafitinag DURING SUMMER You should never be without a bottle of ROWLAND’S KALYDOR, Which cools and -—-y aed face and hands, Eruptions. ROWLAND’S MACASSAR OIL, the most effectual er and restorer of the hair,and is also sold in a 6 hair, as it does and children with fair or — not stain or darken the or linen. and Chemists for ROWLAND’S EPPS'S BRILL'S ___ BREAKFAST— ~SUPPER. " Giioais soe -e"| S.Mordan xCo HICH | GLASS Mappin s\(e5. 158 ro 162, OXFORD ST., W.) 2, QUEEN VICTORIAST.,E.C.] (Facing the Mansion House.) Manufactory: THE ROYAL WORKS, NORFOLK STREET, SHEFFIELD. LONDON. lilustrated Price Lists Post Free. dager SHEFFIELD TABLE KNIVES.

Page 3

|

Aveust 6, 1898.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 49

CVE, Yn Ya in > Me J oe VE. eh 2 ee ZA Sry CYCLO? 4 . f @yid YobLb ee, Yel YA ye Dameeeres-ly , “ a ? Po _ < Me q © Aamo s_ ° ‘*Taert ARE MORE Ways OF KILLING A Doo THAN HANGING HIM.”

“

DARBY JONES AT COWES. “What the deuce is he doing in that galley?” will probably be your Gallic inquiry, Honoured Sir, on perceiving that I write this epistle from the Garden Island of England. Tedious explanation would occupy too much of your Space and too much of my Time. Suffice it to say that the Honourable Fuirrtatt, of Oxford Col- lege, having benefited very Considerabl by my Advice and Experience at Good- wood, has very considerately, and I may say generously, invited Captain Kriterion and myself to be his guests on board of the yacht Sea Nipper, which he has hired for a fortnight from Lord Percy Kooenack, the Marquis of BRanpDywiner’s son, an Aris- tocrat whose ill-luck at the Ducal Meeting has necessitated a temporary retreat to Boulogne, in lieu of joining the Heir- Apparent and the Rest of the Royal Family on the health-bestowing waves of the So- lent. When I add that Lord Percy not | only transferred the yacht and her crew, | but also all the Provisions and Wines with which she had been liberally vided on credit, you may readily imagine that we are in Clover, if such an expression be permissible anent the Briny Ocean, instead of in Sea-weed. I cannot say that I am much taken with Yacht-racing, perhaps because KRITERION had me in a most Unjustifiable way on the opening day of the atta. A vessel—I don’t know her name and don’t want to— passed the Winning Post or Winning Boat, or whatever they call it, many fe ahead of the second. “A fiver,” I ex- claimed, “on the yacht with the red and white flag!” “Done,” cried the Captain. But alas! later on I had to part with Five of the Best to Krirzrion, whom I couldn’t rsuade to take a Bill at Three Months. t seems in this blessed (I use the adjec- tive sarcastically) Boat-racing there is a beastly thing called “ Time-Allowance,” a sort of Weight-for-Age the other wa round that the Judge puts on and takes o' by seconds and minutes, with the Agility \of a Conjurer. There’s no First Past the | Post on the Cowes Course. However, I managed to recover my lost money with an extra Fiver from F.iir.atr on the next day. He was talking about a little Watering-place on the Hampshire Coast called Lee-on-Solent. Having been

ing I immediately offered to bet him ten ee that Lee was not on the Solent. t is needless to say that he at once ac- cepted the wager, and the stakes were deposited with Krirerton. At least, Fx- riatt handed over a Tenner, and i my word, which was just as good, knowing that I had a Certainty. F then sent for the Map and clearly demonstrated that the Solent does not begin till the Channel is West of Southampton Water. Furr att parted with very bad grace, and retired to his cabin in the s Kriterion, when he had reluctantly paid me, ordered a boat and went ashore, saying he had an impor- tant appointment at the London Club. He came back to dinner in High Feather. “That was a good Tip of yours about the Solent,” he observed. “I’ve been backi it all the afternoon.” Justly indignant claimed Halves, but he neaaly winked the other eye. Such is Human Ingratitude, the Offspring of Sordid Nature and Con- genital Dishonour. Your obedient, humble servant, Darsy Jones.

NOISY ANIMALS. O cock! that ere the dawn is grey Shrillest thy clarion loud and clear, O donkey! whose resounding bray Tortures mine unoffending ear ; No longer shall ye dare to break Sweet Morpheus’ all too fleeting joys, For ye are animals that make A noise, Yet, coster, courage! Not for thee T terrors, though thy raucous throat Shatter my nerves. The L. C. C. Takes thought for him that wields a vote. Therefore bawl on! No pains o’ertake The County Council’s favoured boys, Though —- are animals that make noise.

WHERE NOT TO GO. To the foreign hotel where you are ex- pected to take all meals within doors, and are glared at if you patronise an extra mural restaurant. To the boarding-house “where a liberal table is kept,” but which, in spite of its name, “Sea-view,” is a mile and a half from the ocean. To the seaside ise recommended on account of its air to convalescents re- covering from measles, scarlet fever, or hooping-cough. To the co-operative trip half over Europe with the (estimated) minimum of — and the (proved) maximum of discomfort. To the excursion which starts at day- break, ends at midnight, and exists for t twenty-four hours in an atmosphere of beer, comic song, and overcrowding. To the newly discovered jewel of a health resort that some one’s has recom- mended to nobody in particular. To any place likely to become a nuisance or with anybody who will develope into a bore.

Our Whist Party. Major MacFlush (at close of rubber, to partner). Didn’t ye see me call for trumps ? Partner (a new hand). You may have

studying an Admiralty chart in the morn- called, Major, but I never heard you!

VOL. CXV.

Page 4

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON ‘CHARIVARI. [Aveust 6, 1898. Why, THEY HAVEN'T FOUND ME YET!" [Arrangements are being made for a Southern Polar Expedition. ] V ~ \ 7 . \" y ‘ \ ‘ er r a\"% nee : mt s ‘il ot i yf NY ; av tw” A a P \\y \ \ — . \ — _ \ a ‘\ y - v “FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD.” North Pole (to South Pole). ‘‘ Dox’? You wWorRY YOURSELF, OLD MAN. ~’ 4 ’ Vi _— 3 So “ f WS hid ( SS a HN f SY: =" | Z I; BI ZIN \" ull 2 Y \Y x ‘ OY A Ihnen : : —— ,- Zs ae \\ t

Page 5

Aveust 6, 1898.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL EXAMINATION PAPER FOR TRAVELLERS. (Compiled for Use in the Domestic Circle.) Give briefly the reasons for leaving a comfortable house in London for question- able quarters at the seaside. be the duties that servants owe to themselves, and trace how their inclinations affect your plans for departure. Give the merits and demerits of any three watering-places in England and France, and explain the words “casino,” “rowdy,” “bathing mixture,” and “ tips.” Give a short description of your wife’s luggage, chiefly in connection with over- weight and other drawbacks to expeditious travelling. Write out a doctor’s bill for October, and trace the items to peregrinations in August and September. Enumerate the miseries associated with either (1) furnished apartments, or (2) life in a boarding-house. Explain how it comes—in the opinion of your wife—that being “put up” at a dear hotel is “cheaper in the long run.” Imagine you have spent three months away from your native hearth, and then write an essay on “ Home, Sweet Home.” AT THE BAR. (Vide “‘ Punch,” July 23.) Ere the early bird is feeding On the early worm or ant, We are drawing up some pleading For the British litigant ; When you “ dowse” your bedroom tapers, When you yawn at moon and star, We are reading midnight “ papers,” At the Bar. Never resting, never sleeping, Till the night is on the wane, Ere the rosy dawn is ping We are at our briefs again— Those, I mean, who are not briefless ; Those of us, perhaps, who are Earn your pity and your grief less At the Bar. All the “ big” men haye no leisure, All the “little” get few fees ; Yet they ’d change their lots with pleasure Fortune none of us can please— Practice much too big or little’s What makes Life so very far From affording “beer” (or “ skittles”) At the Bar. THE PROFESSIONAL BRIDESMAID. Dear Mr. Puncu,—lI see from the New- castle Daily Leader that expert bridesmaids may now be engaged on hire in the United States, and are understood to be rapidly making a fortune. In fact, one young woman, of remarkable beauty, is said to have appeared in this capacity at over 200 weddings. I have just received, no doubt by mistake, the enclosed circular. Yours, not taking any, a Be Me ImpoxTant Notice! Marrimony ror Au! Miss Drasa Q. ve Banos, of Chicago} Ill., and St. Louis, Mo., having an exten- sive and lucrative connection throughout the States, has elected to open a Business Center in London, Eng., where she is now, located in lofty, spacious and commodious offices on Regent Street at the ‘above address. Miss Diana . DE Banos undertakes, at a Reasonable ee, to perform, personally Sandeal AD \ -f Blinks. ‘‘Tux SUN. LL BE OVER THE YARD-APBM IN TEN MINUTES, JAE WE'LL HAVE A Dank!” Jinks. ‘1 THINK I'LL HAVE ONE WHILE I'm walrina!” or by Deputy, the Duties of Chief Brides- | ences must be on a high plane of respecta- eid to the English Aristocracy and_| bility. Gentry. Sisters wedded simultaneously at a Re- duction, or an Easy Quotation given for a Series in the Same Family. Widows sym- pathetically ed on ——a Miss Drana Q. ve Banos has put through the ‘weddings of many of the New York Four Hundred with Marvelous Success and Promptitude, many of her clientéle requir- ing her Services a third and fourth time since she debuted two years ago. Mise Diana Q. vB Banos only employs Real Live Travelers, and will interview Clients. by appointment on her Roof- Garden. Iced-water and Chewing-gum provided. No cranks admitted. All refer- “De Banos is an elegant blond and weighs 135 pounds. She knows how to hustle, anyway. Ds Banos can receive business callers at 7.30 a.m. No dressing: own methods. No flies on De Banos. Brara breakfasts overnight.”—See Peoria Chipmunk and Spokane Owl. Prices away down after Season. Rehearsals at short notice. Real tear- drops guaranteed at Church. Handker- chiefs extra. Miss Diana expects intro- duction to Bridegroom and Dudes. Can arrange for Hire of Ornaments, bat prefers to retain Souvenirs. Don’t wait. You may be the Happy Man or Woman.

Page 6

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Aveust 6, 1898. i Gy, 4, ‘0 Wi piuuiitd ify oe Qa & aM & M4 bf iii"! 4 ‘4s su ———--ae— Z el - ow Ht a a TOO EXACTING. Parson, ‘*‘ Now Jounson, I REALLY MUST INSIST YOU PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THE CLEANLINESS OF THE Pony AND Trap.” Van-of-all-work. ‘‘Wet., Sir, you see, WHAT witH ‘ORTICULTER AND THE Cow, I'VE VERY LITTLE TIME FOR ’OssYCULTER!” AUGUSTE AND LUDWIG. A MEETING. Dear Mr. Puncn,—The other day I had an opportunity of introducing Herr Lupwiag Mu.uer to M. AucusTE DE Bassom- PIERRE. I think you may like to have a report of their con- versation, which was evidently not private. Yours faithfully, Joun Rosryson. Enchanté! Est-ce que vous parlez francais, monsieur ? | Ludwig. J’ai un paire mots dans Vécole apprené, qui je presque oublié ai. Pouvez-vous allemand ? Aug. Ich habe gelernt der deutsch sehr jung ; ich bin desolirt dasz ich thn habe gegessen—ah nom !—vergessen. Lud. Also speak we Faglish. I can English quite good. Aug. Very veluntetiy, Mister. Me I him have studied to the foundation. Lud. Are you since long in England, or make you only one pleasurevvyage in order the town London to see ? Aug. Oh! I have acquainted the England since longtime, but in this moment here I am of return of at me. | Lud. Was ist das? In the winter am I in London atcome, and | L was in intention the all town to see, but unlucklywise cooled haga During six weeks was I in the bed and then goed I to ouse, Aug. Vous dites ? Lud. Learn you ever the English Aug. A discourse? Ahno! I write, however, enough easily. Lud. But I understand not what you writed have. Aug. It is probable. For to comprehend all the shades of a stranger tongue he must to study longtime. Me I have maked that. You also, dear mister and colleague, you there shall arrive more late. Lud, Bitte? Aug. Vous dites? Lud. Ach so! Aug. Parfaitement ! Lud. Dwell you willing ix England? pleasing to you ? Auquate. — there was a pause. - [ Here there was a pause. Are the Englanders Aug. The mans are of brave people, but a little gloomy. It is that which we call the morgue britannique—the britannic mor- tuary. The missesare charming. Celles qui habitent Londres, the female ones who inhabit London, are ravishing, but the womans of province are habited as some Ger——., c’est-d-dire, as some Hollandesses. Sont-elles affreuses, les robes | Lud. The misses are charming, but a little thin. The dames of the landpeople are charminger. The Londonish maiden sees often too pees out, quite as one Paris——, ach nein/ as one Wienerish woman. Aug. What is this that this is that that ? Lud. Bitte? Aug. Ah! you demand some “bitter,” some English beer. Love you her? Lud. Ach so! Beer! I love it not, but I drink it very willing. Here drinks man so little thereof. Aug. So little? The English drink of her enormously, even during the repasts. Lud. But in the Fatherland drink we beer evenings. What do the Englanders evenings ? Aug. They amuse themselves at the sad English mode. They rest at them, for they love much that which they call the ‘“‘ Home Sweet.” They of him have maked even a song, as the ‘‘ God Save.” Lud. Have they no Turnverein ? Aug. What is this that this is that that ? Lud. Bitte? Aug. Ah! Icomprehend. It isa sort of beer. I not acquaint her. As to the —- the evening. I have speaked you of the families. The celibataries, who have not of at them, they are members of a circle, where they play a droll of dillard, and each one drinks a whiskey. Oh ciel! Lud. Yes well. Or one ‘‘lemons squashed.” Himmel ! Aug. Even without sugar! Lud. Ach so, abscheulich ! Aug. Is it that you have seed an English billiard? The Eng- lish are suchly lovers of the commerce, of the richness, of the Du lieder

Page 7

| | | pal English plates, as the rosbi/ and the palal. Aveust 6, 1898.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 53 pocket in fine, that they have even some pockets in their billiard. And the English kitchen. What plates! Lud. The plates? I remember myself not thereof. Naturel are they not beautiful as the German plates, as the Dreedenish plates to the example. But the food! What for one little mittagessen | Aug. But yes. And what enormous déjeuner / ; Lud. Yes well. And the eveni ing almost too much. Aug. Perfectly! And the dinner enough often too much little. § Lud. Schrecklich ! Aug. 1 acquaint not that plate there. He of them has who are detestable. Affreux / Lud. 1 have thereof never eated. Eat you willing compot? Aug. Une compote? But yes, of time in time. Lud. In Germany eat man it two times daily, and here never. Man see only mealfoods, as in Wien, that call here ‘‘ puddings.” Aug. Ah! yes, the ‘‘ plompouding.” Lud. That have I never seed. Aug. Nor me not more. And however it is one of the princi- Lud. Bitte? Aug. C’est ca. The bitter palal. You have eated some English omelettes ? Lud. Ach nein! And you? Aug. Never of the life! I of them have seed. My ‘faith, it was enough! And the vegetables at the water! The boiled cab ! The little peas at the English! Sapristi / Lud. Was ist das? Aug. Vous dites ? [Here there was a pause. Lud. Now must I forthgo. Also recommend I me. It rejoice me very you to meet. Good day. To again to see. ‘‘So long,” as say the Englanders. Aug. Enchanted, dear Mister. To the pleasure of you to see again. Tosoon. Ta, ta! OUR BOOKING-OFEICE. In Zack, Australia seems to have found her Bret Harte. Life is Life, which gives its name to the notable series of stories just issued from the House of BLackwoop is, in its camp-life scenes, closely akin to Bret Harre’s earlier work. It throbs with vigorous life, and has many intimate touches of local colour. ut my Baronite infinitely prefers the much briefer story of Australia, “The Failure of Firrrerty.” Zack's personal acquaintance is not confined to Australasia. He knows Germany, Italy, his heart, untravelled, fondly —s to Devon- shire which, my Baronite suspects, was his early home. For boldness and originality of conception, for vivid presentation of character, through all an undercurrent of the laugh that is not far removed from a cry, nothing to beat this book has lately appeared. These qualities find their fullest development in the story of “The Red Haired Man’s Dream.” “Q” has a himself in a fresh corner, where, my Baronite hopes, he will soon be —s up gold and silver. He has founded, and edits, The Cornish Magazine, a sixpenny monthly that will gratify a public beginning to be tired of the fripperies, freaks. and monstrosities just now popular with other sixpenny maga- zines. As the title indicates, Mr. QuILLER Covucn’s new venture is designed specially for Cornishmen. But his net, deftly made and widely flung, will catch other fish than pilchards. The first Number is admirably done, ‘‘Q”’ contributing a weird story which boldly brings the Wandering Jew on the Cornish coast in quite novel circumstances. In order to thoroughly enjoy Mr. Anrnony Horz Hawkrxs’ Rupert of Hentzau (ArnnowsmiTH), it is advisable to go in for a few days’ swashbucklerish sort of training, and to imagine your- self living among daringly reckless cavaliers of the doublet, trunks, and high-boots style, wearing some sort of Austrian uniform, and moving in old foreign towns badly lighted and badly policed, yet with all the advan telegraphs and railways. I do not remember the telephone being — in this romance, but then neither his hero nor heroine any icular occasion for it. Also, while reading Mr. Anthony Hope’s stirring romance, you should ever and anon half draw ycur sword and send it back with a clang into its scabbard, taking care at intervals between the chapters to look to your revolvers and carefully to examine such small side arms as you may have about you. Thus equipped, accompany Fritz von Tarlenheim and old Sapt in all their adventures undertaken for the sake of their friend Rudolf Rassendyll, and in defence of 445 A 3 SY 4 * Crmven: Wir OUR CHILDREN. No. 2. Fair Division of Labour. REMEMBER, IT's YOUR TURN TO WASH, AND MINE TO #AY Prayers TO-NIGHT, Donotuy.” the honour of his friend’s true ladye-love Queen Flavia, wife of the King whose health “had been shattered by the horror and rigours of his imprisonment in the Castle of Zenda,” as was told in the previous romance, of which this is the continuation and the finish. But is it by any means the finish? True, Rassendyll is dead, and so are all the most important enemies whose know- ledge of the secret might be used for harm. But Mr. Antony Hops has left one old woman alive, the mischievous Mother Holp, who, if she only becomes a tool in unscrupulous hands, is capable of doing a lot of mischief. The Baron, in the interests of the Kingdom of Ruritania and the House of Elphberg, will keep an eye on Mother Holp and that very uncertain and im- pressionable young nobleman, the Count of Rischenheim. “It may be,” quoth Antuony Hops, letting a saving clause into his penultimate “that some day the whole story shall be told, and men | judge of it for themselves.” Aha! then good AntTHony hath still a king up his sleeve. Nous verrons, as they say in Ruritania. A more stirring romance, with interest ad- mirably sustained from the very first page to the last, than Rupert of Hentzau, it would be difficult to name. It is so artistically contrived a sequel as to have special interest for those who de- lighted in The Primer of Zenda, though, at the same time, it is so perfect a story in itself, that the enjoyment of this work is not mad3 to depend on any knowledge of the former novel. “That we shall hear more of Ruritanian affairs is still with us A Hope,” quoth the well satisfied Baron pe B.-W. A Curip’s Inga or Szastpe Haprrvgss.—Ocean cum dig. a —---

Page 8

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. [Avcusr 6, 1898. L/h | | } | hg |, 4 OUR YOUNG BARBARIANS. Oareman. ‘1 'LL TELL You WHAT IT Is, OLD MAN; As soon As I Go ovt or TRAINING, I'M GOING TO HAVE THE FINEST DINNER I EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. Coach. ‘‘ Ors7grs ! I'ut HAVE TurtLe Sour, Oysters My pear CHap, you cAN’r EAT Oysrers In Avoust!” Oarsman, ‘‘On, can't I, THovuenH? O-R-G-u-s-t, Avucust. THat’s ALL RIGHT!” LYMPH-ON-THE-CONSCIENCE ; Being a Variation of Water-on-the-Brain. You ask me how it is that I Am hardly ever found agreeing With simple views that satisfy An ordinary human being? Sir, I have principles at stake ; I do it all “for Conscience’ sake.” When great reforms are in the air That touch the health of half a nation, I and my trusty gang are there Primed with a deadly emendation ; And inte really useful laws We shove a little Conscience clause. Of all the days of all the year, Those are the merriest and maddest When Members lean a stricken ear To list the fulminating faddist ; (Such is the rather vulgar name For men of conscientious aim). And when in tones polite but firm We execute a fluty chorus, Mighty majorities will squirm And lick the very dust before us ; It 's Conscrence '|—that is why they crawl ; It makes such cowards of them all! Take Vaccination—one could weep Hot briny tears of pure revulsion To think that men should want to keep The country healthy by compulsion ! O England! peopled 4 the free, Where is your boasted Liberty ? Breathes there a man with soul so dead, So lost to reason and morality, Who would not freely give his head Rather than check our high mortality ? L’d die—or live ; in either case A smile upon my pitted face! Small-pox! Our fathers braved the thing ; True courage they were never lax in ; They scorned the lancet’s pointed sting, They mocked the enervating vaccine ! Against all else the righteous kicks Except his private Conscrence’ pricks! I grant they flourished in an age Ere Jenner spoke in this connection ; Before that overrated sage Devised his loathly lymph-injection ; Yet, had they lived to see his day Would they 4 And, Heaven be praised, a precious few Still hear their Conscience wheezes, The smallish voice that bids them do Their little best to spread diseases ; In fact we mean to have our claws In all the sanitary laws. ve yielded? No, not they! We look to see, by steady work, A state of filth in every gutter ; To get the germs of death to lurk In milk and even bread-and-butter ; And drains, like vaccination, shall In time be purely optional. “Live and let live!”—so ran the cry | In days when people knew no better ; | This we propose to rectify Both in the spirit and the letter ; Observe our motto—newest make— “ Die and let die !—for Conscience’ sake.” Note anpd Correction.—In our last week’s issue, some of Mr. Punch’s numbers contained a line under “Cartoon Junior” alluding to the Anti-Vaccination Bill as | having “ passed,” while in other numbers } when it| it was in the same place mentioned as “ awaiting third reading in the Commons.” The event will prove whether the vaticina- tion on anti-vaccination was right or not. But, of course, “awaiting third reading ” is the right wording, the other being '“matter in the wrong place,” arrived there by a “concatenation accordingly,” ‘the details of which it is altogether un- necessary to explain.

Page 9

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Aveusr 6, 1898. DOCTRINE AND PRACTICE. Dame Evropa (coldly). “TO WHOM DO I OWE THE PLEASURE OF THIS INTRUSION ?” Unotz 8S. “‘MA’AM—MY NAME IS UNCLE SAM!” Dame Evrora. “ANY RELATION OF THE LATE COLONEL MONROE?” ZA; ag “ WA

Page 10

Page 11

Aveust 6, 1898.] ——- PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. 57 m4 / A i) f } “a a yl J / 4 a Md / Se. J *, ; vA \ ¢ yA 4 / J fp , 7 4 Y4 ae 2 K es ’ y_ t / 6 f/f sy y XS Sev 16508, a9 7 / : 7. 5 Anne A SUGGESTION FOR A WET DAY. BaTH-CHAIR RACE ALONG THE DESERTED PARADE. SEASIDE SPORTS. THE LAST PAST THE PosT PAYS FOR ALL CHAIRS. AT THE PALACE. Mr. Cuaries Morton may shake hands with himself as heartily as all his friends will shake hands with him, when congratu- lating him on the success of his present capital entertainment at the Palace Theatre of Varieties, a Music Hall indeed, which by the aid of Mr. Atrrep PLumpton and his well-selected orchestra, becomes now and again, in the course of the evening’s show, a genuine hall of music, and the result to the proprietors will be a haul of profits. Mr. Amann, “the facial artist and im- personator,” is admirable in his line, rapidly making himself up and changing himself, in sight of the audience, into all sorts of distinguished personages, and, in spite of the dictum of Burns that “Amann’s Amann for a’ that,” this artist in clothes and colour completely destroys \ s WY \ut i \\)' \.\ \ it i) % 4 QOS “ Oi’ve’arfa moind to show ’em up, or re Tr take ’em down. Oi ’ardly knows which way ’ud be the best.” his own identity. Do not be alarmed when a handsome Sarah Siddons-like lady, of a commanding presence, walks on to the stage attired in deepest black (evening dress), and in tones as deep as the colour ot her costume, begins to sing. No! it is not “ Hamlet’s aunt,” it io Soum Mackey, “Comédienne,” if you please, and in a few seconds the laughter of the surprised audi- ange tells you the “ Comédienne ” has made a hit. The Baccrsens are exhaustingly funny. Their action is illustrated by more “ plates” than there are in a quarter’s collection of a pictorial paper. Crockery is cheap where the Baccrsens come from, and how the male BacorsEn gets himself hopelessly mixed up with an adhesive fly-paper is a thing to see and a joy to remember. Then the unrivalled Atpert CHEVALIFR, a thorough artist au bout des ongles. His old peasant singing, “’E can’t take a Roise out of Oi,” is admirable ; his expression, his laugh, the action of his hands, every move- ment is a study from life reproduced with- out any caricature whatever. Of course, his Coster is inimitable as ever; but his curate is conventional, and is the only figure which his admirers would like him to omit from the list. His rendering of “ My Old Dutch” compels a house, crowded from back seat of gallery to front row of stalls, to sympathetic silence, and not a few will experience the “hysterica passio” against which so many struggle by forced blowing of noses. Mr. Atpert CHevatier is better than ever. Then comes “The American Biograph.” Wonderful!! But, my eyes! my head!! and the whizzling and whirling and twittering of nerves, and blinkings and winkings that it causes in not a few among the spectators, who could be content with half the show, or even a third of it. It is a night-mare! There’s a rattling, and a shattering, and there are sparks, and there are showers of quivering snow-flakes always falling, and amidst these appear children fighting in bed, a house on fire, with inmates saved by arrival of fire engines, which, at some in- terval, are followed by warships pitching about at sea, sailors running up riggings |and disappearing into space, trains at full | speed coming directly at you, and never getting there, but jumping out of the pic- | ture into outer darkness where the andi- }ence is, and then, the train having van- ished, all the country round takes it into its head to follow as hard as ever it can, | rocks, mountains, trees, towns, gateways, castles, rivers, landscapes, bridges, plat- forms, telegraph-poles, all whirling and squirling and racing against one another, ws if to see which will get to the audience first, and then, suddenly... . all disappear into space!! Phew! Ye breathe again! ! But, O heads! O brandies and sodas! O Whiskies and waters! Restoratives, quick ! [t is wonderful, most wonderful! Nay, we had almost said, with the learned Dr. JoHnson, that we wished “it were impos- sible.” But to wish this is to put the ‘lock back, and the show is over in excel- lent time to allow of supper and refresh- ment where you will. Still, just a third of the American Biograph, as invented by Herman Caster, would suffice for this particular deponent, and for not a few others. Anyway, the Palace thoroughly deserves its present most evident popu- larity. By Our Bankruptcy Court Minstrel. REVELATIONS startling! false or true, They ’ve raised a regular Hooleybaloo! SHAKSPEARE ON SALVATION ARMY RECEIVING GENERAL Booru. “ Beat loud the tabourines, let the trumpets blow, That this great soldier may his welcome know.” | This, though it reads like a quotation as to“ General Bombastes”’ (* Bombastes Furioso”’), is from “ Troilus and Cressida,” Act 1V., Se. 5.

Page 12

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARE [Aveust 6, 1898, Lies Devi ye ts Hostess. ‘‘WVUAT WOULD YoU LIKE TO EAT, Erriz?” Mother (reprovingly). “‘ Errig! Errix! Effie. “ Oaxr.” WHAT Is THE WorD You’vVE FORGOTTEN? P1r——” es ‘oP, —vm !” Effie. THE CELL. (A Fragment, ) Tre key grated in the lock, the warder’s footsteps died down the corridor, and the wretched girl sank lonely and exhausted on the floor of her cell. She was slight ; she was beautiful. In her face there was nothing to suggest the criminal ; so young, so fair, what crime had she committed ? For awhile she lay moaning. Suddenly she started up with a cry of horror. Was it conscience? Had the enormity of her offence been brought home to her? She caught her hand to her head and felt for the hat-pin. What! had it come to this? Oh! wise searcher that had removed temp- tation! She sought her scissors. What! would she open a vein? This chance, too, the searcher had foreseen, and the scissors were gone. Matches? ut the searcher knows that criminals may set fire to them- selves and the police-station too. Even her garters had been removed; have not desperate women hanged themselves ere now ? “ Alas!” she cried, realising her helpless- ness and bursting into tears, “ baffled on all sides, there is no escape for me—none. What have I done? yhy am I shut in a police cell? Why am I searched and thrust into the dock? Ah me!” she moaned, “it is because I have sinned! I have broken the laws of my country, or rather, the by-laws of Kingston, a very different thing! I have cycled through the parish at eight miles an hour! " TO PRIZEFIGHTERS AND OTHERS.— Wanted, Muscvu.ar Curistians to act as Sidesmen ; used to mélées and capable of using their fists. Liberal terms. Free Doctor. Pension in case of permanent injury.—Apply, stating qualifications, to sd Church Clerical y Pog Kensiton, fare SHAKSPEARE JAPANNED. Several of re’s Plays have recently been ted into Japanese, MINOR POETS. (“ Joaqurn Mriuzr, the poet, is amongst those who have returned from Klondyke with w: alth.’’— Globe.) Wuen, like a spectral shadow weird, The down upon my [> And I, aspiring to a 4 With art would seek to grow it, Then, high as lark above the corn, Was I upon ambition borne, And treated with a splendid scorn The title “ Minor Poet.” What noble tragedies I penned! What epics none could comprehend So Browningesque that every frien Indignantly cried “Stow it!” Then was I all for greatness! See, Another Miiton I would be, A SHaxkspeare, Dante—not for me The title “ Minor Poet.” But, as my down to stubble turned, And all my greatness nothing earned, Ambition in me lower burned, Till now—who will may know it— I find cash sweet, and for its sake Some small concession I would make, And even, could I get it, take The title “ Miner Poet.” WANTED, a few Pew-orzners. Appli- cants must be strong and athletic, and ready, if necessary, to assist in chucking out. Must be used to wounds and battle- fields. Preference given to Hospital a Tee ee “To Prieefighters,” a ;

Page 13

a | Aveust 6, 1898.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 59 ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. ExteacTso rnaom THe Diany oy Tony, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, July 2.— Sank Often says oats I been an arch- deacon, almost a dean, thrown away in the Member for East Marylebone. Put Bov- Noms in a surplice, set him up on high in a pulpit, and if he only glances round on the congregation it Wul ve aS goud us tuc average sermon, Certainly there ever rests on Bovtinois’ countenance a smiling air of peace and plenty soothing to the troubled breast. On To-day its habitual calm broken by an anguished look. Is in charge of what is known as the Marylebone Churches Bili. Quite a medieval flavour about its story. Early in century the good Duke of Port- LAND, who owned niuch land in Maryle- bone, bethought him how he might im- prove its value. Occurred to him it would invest district with air of respectability, and ultimately raise the rents, if he sprinkled a few churches about the pro- perty. But churches cost money, and with bt sor a forecast of death duties to be rought in ninety years later by a rutliless Chancellor of the Exchequér, the Duke felt impulse’ to économly. Then flashed upon him memory of the contemporary magnate and public benefactor, Mr. Brown, who of his.great bounty Built this bridge at expense of the coun‘y. The Duke would build the churches at the expense of the parish, and then magnani- mously, regardless of expense, present them to the parishionets!. Moreover, he got Acts of Parliament passed whereby the parishioners were for ever engaged to support the churches. ©,Then the good Duke. feeling he had not lived in vain, folded .bis' hands across his breast, and was gathered to his fathers. ul li wihy Oy Af A) Bexsinp THe Arras! Lord H-gh C-c-l is discovered and drawn into the light of day! Two O_p ParuiAmMENtary Docs, Toy, M.P. (to “ Billy,” the Speaker's Bull-dog). “ Needn't look so down in the mouth, od man! We rhal soo. get away now! **Mon Billy doux! O mon trés cher Billee! I'm off!—No moor! My bark is on the sea.” This is Joun Brunner’s historical narra- ive. Must be taken with grain of salt 1ecessary in tasting dishes about Dukes wepared by Radical cooks. However it »e, Marylebone parishioners, in spite of tbolition of Church Rates, are to this day sompelled to pay rates in respect of parish thurches. Bill introduced to commute the cax by payment of lump sum. Dead set nade at it from Radical camp. Paper wristling with amendments. To-day notice \ppears of two Instructions to Committee. When about to be called on, discovery nade that Committee have finished their work, reporting Bill without amendment. “A thoroughly disreputable trick,” said “Lorp Grorex, translating without cir- sumlocution from the Welsh. It was here that Bou.nois displayed the shocked look that varied his ordinary erenity. ‘I am surprised,” he said, “at -he language of the hon. Member.” It was indeed shocking. BovLnots com- forted with knowledge t he had carried through the little affair about the churches. Business done.—London University Bill read a third time and ; Tuesday.—Never saw Prince ARTHUR 80 suddenly, utterly, depressed. At question time quite brisk ; more than usually success- ful in gaying as little as possible with appear- ance of taking anxious inquirer into fullest confidence. Not been the same man since Mullingar loomed on the stage. Patrick O’Brien, having put on a new necktie. a clean shirt-front, and a kummer- bund, dragged in Mullingar. It appears that the Mullingar Board of Guardians, regarding a speech delivered by Haypen, MP. on the Irish Local Government Bill as “anti-clerical,” have, in ance with irresistible rules of logic, resolved to with- hold insertion of their advertisements in Mr. Haypmy’s newspaper. “This,” says Paraick O’Briex, mo- mentarily rousing himself from the mincing ir and manner superinduced by his fashionable apparel, “is the worst case ot ittempting to intimidate a Member of this House I ever heard of.” Prince Artuvr admitted that it was ndeed blood-curdling. But what would you? What could expected of Mul- ingar? Leave the Guardians wrapped tbout in the obseurity of the contempt chat every right-minded man must feel for them. In the dead unhappy night, when the rain is on the roof, Remorse, naked- 1anded, will stalk through the alleys of Mullingar, and smite the white soul of each shuddering Guardian of the Poor. Thus Parsce Artuur (or something like this), anxious, above all things, to get on with business, Repmonp ainé not to be put off with fine words which butter no Guardians. Haypen one of his small but select party. Useful thing to let Ireland see it is not to be touched with impunity. 3o insisted upon having his pound of flesh cut out of the miscreant Mullingars. House had uneasy consciousness that it never touches question of privilege without making itself ridiculous. If it passed reso- lution declaring conduct of Mullingar Guardians breach of privilege, other steps must follow. “Surely,” said Prince Arrnur, in anguished tone, “you don’t want to have the Mullingar Board ot Guardians brought to the Bar of the House?” ‘“ Pass the resolution, and we ’ll see what follows,” said Repmonp ainé. Whereupon the Lord of Legions, with mleovaile kactloies of the risk he ran, of the absurd quandary he was preparing for the House, humbly, unaccountably, con- sented. “Why did I do it?” snapped Paince Artuvr, turning almost angrily upon me, one of his oldest friends ; “ It is the very error of the moon, She comes more nearer earth than she was wont, And makes men mad.”

Page 14

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Aveusr 6, 1898. He. ‘*Reaury, I YOU FOR A PARTNER, She. “ Aun |—vyovu ENJOYED MY WALTZES SHOULD SEE ME | COULD WALTZ TO—ER—TO * REVERSE AWFULLY. I FELT WITH ER—CELESTIAL REGIONS!” WITH YoU THAT, Business done.—The House of Commons solemnly denounces the Mullingar Board of Guardians of Breach of Privilege. Thursday.—House talking for two hours with rising passion about some one’s iniquity in Order Bill. As far as I can make out the matter, Bill as it passed earlier stages approved a particular site for a Board School called “ plan 10.” When Bill came up for report stage it was found that plan 10 had disappeared; gone in the night; swallowed up by an earthquake. Yes, but Radical Members want to know Who made the earthquake? Suspicion first fell upon Jonn o’ Gorst. Then Réntgen rays turned on Chairman of Ways and Means. Traces clearly visible of a hand, recognised as his, in act of striking out the clause. That seemed conclusive. But Rosson, Q.C., trained in criminal cases, perceived, and pointed out to startled House, shadowy figure of another hand directing Chairman's. Whose was that? As Rosson, Q.C., fulminated this in- quiry, his eye, accidentally as it seemed, fell upon Hues Ceci, seated in sacerdotal attitude below gangway opposite. A mo- ment’s pained pause. Then Lord Hven lifted his tall form, and like a Cxecit—told the truth. He had had no direct commu- nication with Chairman of Ways and Means, but had certainly “conversed” in ordinary way with Vice-President of Ceuncil, and—and—well, plan 10 had disappeared from the Bill, and there would be one School Board school the less in London. Upon gloated. as guilty that fact Lord Hvcen openly Members opposite squirmed, but connection with Provisional | they liked the young lord’s frankness and his courage. At same time, when fresh Provisional Orders affecting school sites are about, an eye will be kept on Hucn CrcIL. Business done.—Prince Artuvur hears with sigh of relief that Mullingar has magnanimously resolved not to take ad- vantage of the blunder into which he was on Tuesday entrapped. Friday.—How fleeting are the pleasures of life! How short its satisfactions! Here’s the Mullingar business, after all, not finally laid. P. O’Brien informed shuddering House that there is reason to suspect the Board of Guardians’ retreat was merely strategic. Going to wait till Parliament prorogued; then, with no fear of privilege nalties before them, they will withhold their advertisement from Haypen, M.P.’s newspaper. House hopes no one clad in human form could be so iniquitous; but Parrick is positive. “If they do,” he said, even he shrinking from more directly specifying the crime, “I'll bring every one of them here next Session, and the person who inspired them to action.” The prospect of P. O’B. dragging in the Mullingar Guardians by his kummerbund, laying them out one by one at Bar of the House, and then going in search of “the person who inspired them to action,” steeped the House in gloom. Business done.—Prince Artuur wishes there weren’t no such place as Mullingar. Crustacrana.— Lobsters are always appreciated at regattas on the Thames, but not crabs. A COWES WEEK EXPERIENCE. Monday.— Dear old BiuEwaTeR—what a good fellow he is!—asks me to join his yacht, the Sudden Jerk, for Cowes week. Never been yachting betore. T'uesday.—Arrive Ryde Pier, correctly (I hope) “got up”; blue serge, large brass anchor buttons, and peaked cap. Fancy BLUBWATER rather surprised to see how ay fait | am at nautical dress. “ Ah! my dear tellow, delighted to see you. Come along, the gig is lying alongside the steps. One of the hands” (why “ hands” ?) “ shall look to your traps.” We scramble into gig and are rowed out to 5U-ton yawl. Climb up side. Bivewater says, “Come below. Take care—two steps down, then turn round and—— Oh! by Jove! what a crack you’ve caught your head. Never mind, old boy, you ‘ll soon get accustomed to it.” Devoutly hope I shali not get accus- tomed to knocking my head. Arrive at foot of “ companion ” (why “ companion ” ?) stairs. BiurewaTer pulls aside curtains and says, “There you are!” Reply, “Oh! yes, there I am. Er—is—do you lie on the shelf—oh! berth, is it?—beg pardon—or underneath it?” He explains. “ You’ll find it very jolly, you know; you can lie in your bunk, and look right up the com- panion to the sky above.” “Oh! awfully jolly,” I say. e repair on deck. Get under weigh to run down to Cowes. Dear old Bivewater very active. Pulls at ropes and things, shouting “ leggoyour-spinach- and-broom,”* and other unintelligible war- cries, Stagger across deck. Breeze very fresh. “Lee oh!” shouts BLUEWATER; ““mind the broom! ”’—or it might have been boom—and next moment, am knocked flat on my back by enormous pole. Arrive Cowes. Crowd of yachts. Drop anchor for night. Go below, damp face in tiny iron basin; yacht lurches and rolls all the water out over new white shoes. Enter saloon, tripping over some one’s kit-bag at the door. Try to save myself by clutching at swing-table, which upsets and empties soup tureen all over my trousers. Retire, change, return. Host and I sit down and proceed to chase fried soles backwards and forwards across treacherous swing-table. “ Now, my dear fellow, isn’t this jolly? Isn’t this worth all your club dinners?” Reply “Oh yes,” enthusiastically. Privately, should prefer club in London. Weather gets worse. Try to smoke. Don’t seem to care for smoking, somehow. Feel de- pressed, and ask dear old BLUEWwaTER to describe a sailor’s grave. Tries to cheer me up by saying, “ Don’t waste the precious moments, my friend, on such sad subjects. You are not born to fill a seaman’s grave. There’s a class of man not born to be drowned, you know.” Then he laughs heartily. Try to smile; fail. Pitching and rocking motion increases. Retire early and lie down on_ shelf. off twice. Manage to reach perch again. Weather gets worse. Shall never sleep with noise of trampling on deck and waves washing yacht’s sides. Shall never—— Sudden misgiving. Am I going to be——? Oh! no, must bo passing dizziness. It cannot possibly be. . IT IS!!! Am rowed ashore, bag and baggage, next morning. Dear old Bivewarer tries to keep me from going, and says, “‘ What, after all, is sea-sickness?” Dear old BivewaTerR must be an ass. Confound old Bivuewater ! * Qy. spinnaker boom.—Ep.

Page 15

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Aveust 6, 1898. BUCHANAN BLEND SCOTCH WHISKY AS SUPPLIED TO THE HOUSES or PARLIAMENT. FRERES’ FIRST QUALITY : CHAMPAGHE, A KODAK AT A GUINEA FALCON Mastered in a few minutes. No Dark Roem needed for changing Films. KODAK Takes a roll of Film for 12 exposures. Size ef picture 3) = 34 inches. Full Particulars Post Free. | EASTMA Head Office : | 43, Clerkenwell Rd., LONDON, B.C. | Retasl Branches: 60, Cheapside, E.C, 115-117, Oxford Street, W. 1,1-173, Regent Street, W Photographic Materials Co., “fe Sy CARLTON. This Grand Old Whisk a blend of RICHD. MATTHEWS & CO., % and 2%, HART ot, mecmmeun®, woe. antes +t — -— of the most famous HIG TaN D SMALL LLS. Sample bottle post free on receipt of P.O. for 4s. 8d. JOSEPH SILLOTTS ruc | | Nos. with exquisitely Fine Gir 4 wi HITECTS, ENGINEERS, and DRAUGHTSMEN— 170. © 179, 291. 603, 431, 659. 1000. For COMPLAINTS ofthe STOMACH, LIVER, ete. DRINK Caution : See that each bottle has a neck label with VICHY-ETAT & the name of the Sole Importers: INGRAM & ROYLE, Ltd. ,26, Upper Thames Street, LONDON, E.C. BEDFORD Ploughs, Harrows, Cultivators, paymakers, Horse Rakes, Straw Trussers, Mowers, poy > es, Oil Engines, & Light ilways. COLT'S NEW DOUBLE- ACTION 32 CAL. POCKET REVOLVER With Rjector and Solid Prame, is the jatest and Hest Revolver made for Travellers and liste, It supersedes all others. OOLT'S T. Price 1 ~ Pree. = bee. gy he Ti Gores. | ow yeoPP RAZop se Black Handle . Ivory Handle A Pair, T Handles, in tt Rusela leather case, Tis. “ Shaver Cathe. Post Free Wholesale , A. pant, Gannerr, & Co., Leadon, w Women axp Women On y are most competent to fully go the purity, sweetness, and delicacy of Curicurna Soap, and to discover new uses for it daily. To cleanse, purify, and | ——- the skin, to allay itching and irrita- | tion, and to prevent chafings, excoriations, and ulcerative weaknesses, nothing so pure, 80 sweet, so speedily effective as warm baths with Cuticura Soap, followed when necessary by gentle applications of Curicuna (oint- ment), greatest of emollients and skin cures. duce from two to five unds per week, acts on the food in the stomach, preventing ite conversion in- Bold athe, the world. British depot: F Newserr Bone Re = orren Dave anv | . Cuex. Conr., 80 Roston, U.S.A. %, to Fat. —a ow “All ’ About the Shin, post free. by Chem Send stamp for ECZEM = BOTANIC MEDICINE 00.,8, NEW OXFORD Sr.,W.C. OLDGOLD CIGARETTES D Per Box of 10. A Cigarette of Standard Excellence At Small Cost. MANUFACTURED FROM Zon "POD FEVER, OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT STATEMENT— ‘* Wherever the PASTEUR (Chamberland) FILTER has been introduced TYPHOID FEVER HAS DISAPPEARED.” Sold Everywhere, Sole Makers J. Defries & Sons, Limited, 147, Houndaditch, E.C West-End Show Rooms: 208, Victoria Street, 8.W No elastic round leg to give Varicose veins In Silk only. See Acartc« Trade Mark is a Stud and Clip SELF- Protected hy ADJUSTING Patents and m Tvade Marks at Home and Abroad, fetrekcerbach Plate Powder ine Best un te RIAL. Daiversaily gémnittes to be for Electro-Piate, @c. 1X GOLD MEDALS Sold every where, in Bones, le Oe. 6d., and 4.4 cEED YOUR CHILDREN D® RIDGES PATENT COOKED FOO PURE VIRGINIA SUN-DRIED TOBACCO.

Page 16

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,—Avueusr 6, 1898. Beware of Imitations. | DU BARRY’S REVALENTA FOOD Cures || All disorders of the Stomach and Bowels, the Blood, the 4 | Nerves, Lungs, Liver, Voice, and Breath—such as Con- The | | stipation, Dyspepsia, Indigestion, Consumption, Diarrhea, ha o«? al o || Dysentery, Bronchitis, Influenza, Acidity, Heartburn, Orig wine (oe) | Phlegm, Flatulency, Feverish Breath, Nervous, Bilious, ull Gell : s || Pulmonary, Glandular, Kidney and Liver Complaints, Wor C pstersiilte || Debility, Cough, Asthma, all Fevers, Spasms, Impurities and Poverty of the Blood, Ague; Rheumatism, Gout ; S %° Nausea and Vomiting ; Eruptions, Sleeplessness, Atrophy, A Uj 4 Wasting in Adults and Children. 50 years’ invariable suc- cess with old and young, even in the most hopeless cases. 100,000 annual cures. PRICES.—DU BARRY’S REVALENTA ARABICA suitably packed for all climates. In Tins of $ Ib. at 2s.; 1 Ib., 3s. 6d.; 21b., 6s.; 5 Ib., 148.; 12 Ib., 82s.; 24 Ib., 60s.; or about 2d. per meal, All Tins carriage free at home and in France, Also DU BARRY’S TONIC REVALENTA BISCUITS ensure sleep and nervous OBSERVE THE SIGNATURE ON THE energy to the most restless and enfeebled. In Tins, 1 Ib., 3. 6d.; 2 Ib., 6s. DU BARRY AND CO. (Limited), 77, Regent Street, London, W.; 14, Rue de WRAPPER AND LABEL. Castiglione, Paris; 5®, Rue du Rhone, Geneva; and of all Grocers and Chemists in every part of the world. Crosse & eae MARTELL’S sss Blackwell’s eae PURE MALT VINEGAR THREE STAR wane BRANDY. Is sold in imperial pint and quart bottles BY ALL GROCERS AND STORES. Vinegar Brewery :--BREWERY ROAD, LONDON, J. PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. Printed ‘ * Poe ta chao wintema eBay so ae ea