Punch 1898-06-18: Vol 114 Iss 2971

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AERO —_ CA\S a B

y N° 2971. my 6 VOLUME oer Yee TY — east on. e i i), i" PADS IN LiMn PYM! PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, LONDON.

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MR. W. HEINEMANN’S NEW NOVELS. THE | LAKE OF WINE. by Ke Pes EZEKIEL'S SIN, By J. H wonsequent Lives THE DULL MISS ARCHI- BARD. tty Ax» THE MINISTER OF STATE. Author of “In the Day of DREAMERS 0 OF THE GHETTO. THE LONDONERS:, An Absur THE OPEN BOAT. ieee f\ CHAMPION IN THE SEVENTIES. By Borre A. Bauwerr. | Vol. && [HE SCOURGE STICK. 25 HER LADYSHIP' 8 ELEPHANT. Hy D.D. Were Ss. Gd be OLD ADAM poy! THE NEW EVE. hy! “ t nal Li ’ Ws. HEINEMANN, 21, Bedford &t., W.C HOWARD BEDFORD Ploughs, Harrows, Cultivators, Haymakers, Horse Rakes, Straw Trussers, Mowers, peg Zresses, Oil Engines, & Light ilways. Veo STABLE. Harm- fill re ¢ from two to five pounds eek , acts 1 the food in stomach, perm imphiet. "3, NEWOXFORD 8r., W.C. THE MOST NUTRITIOUS, Ses GRATEFUL — COMFORTING COCOA BREAKFAST—SUPPER. __ TYPHOID FEVER. OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT STATEMENT— ‘* Wherever the PASTEUR (Chamberland) FILTER has been introduced TYPHOID FEVER HAS DISAPPEARED.” Sold Ever Makers : J. 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Juxz 18, 1898.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 277 my BSydrey. Clare? Y- a6 ‘*No, DEAREST, IT WOULD NOT BE AT ALL’ RIGHT TO TAKE DoLirEes To Cuvrcn.” ‘But, MAMMA DEAR, IT WOULD NOT MATTER IF I ONLY TOOK THE ONE WHO SHUTS HER EYEs, WOULD IT?” CROSS PURPOSES. (Fragment from a future Romance of War.) “Private Arkins,” said the C. O., “I) congratulate you upon leading that forlorn hope so successfully.” ‘I merely did my duty, Sir,” was the respectful reply. “But the decoration can be worn - “You mean well, Sir,” again interrupted the private; “but remember that within a week I shall be a civilian.” “Still, it will be a distinction for ever.” “But, Sir,” pleaded Arxins, earnestly, “T cannot afford it.” “Why, how will it affect you?” No, no,” returned the Colonel, “ you are too modest. To scale a parapet, spike “Tt will keep me from the footlights. Believe me, I can get an engagement to the guns, and hoist the British flag single-| play the title-réle of Henry the Fifth. handed was no small achievement.” | Do not thwart me, Sir, do not thwart me.” “Any one of my company, Sir, would have done the same.” “T doubt it. Your bravery was heroism | kissed his “ Be it as you will.” Private Arxins fell on one knee, and commanding officer’s hand. that does not belong to the whole world. | Then, rising gracefully, he retired, ob- Now I will tell you what I am going to do. ” I am going to recommend you for “Stay, Sir,” cried the soldier, trembling and turning pale. ‘And remember that I am wounded, and can no longer serve in the old corps.” tained his discharge, and appeared in | SHAKSPEARE’s military masterpiece for 750 | consecutive nights. | “The three letters are better than two,” he murmured, as he returned from a | paying-in visit to his bankers: “£ s. d.!” THE MUSIC CURE, (“The British Medical Journal has recently been discussing Music as a cure for nervous com- plaints. ‘The * music cure’ had conmderable vogue some time ago in Germany, and a special hospitai for its systematic application was established in Munich.” — Westminster Gazette. } Ir is not all that deem it sweet When friends will make a noise on Fiddle or flute, for one man’s meat May be another’s poison. When Jonzs is in the dumps, you see, His melancholy flute ’ll — his care, while as for me, simply hate its tootle. Whate’er his sorrow—should the duns Grow restless and abuse him— Should she he loves of all the ones That he has asked, refuse him— Should the greengrocer have declined (Greengrocers will be brutal) To send the coals, still he will find Some comfort in his tootle. But not so I. And when he swears That nothing can be finer To soothe my toothache than sweet airs Breathed softly in C minor, I, trembling like an aspen-tree, And racked in every root, ’li Make answer with a major D, “Oh, stop that blessed tootle!” Well, well, but chacun 4 son goiit. The same old tale, you see, Sir; What may be meat and drink to you, Is poison unto me, Sir. If prudence comes not to my friend, Some day my angry boot ’Il Crush that confounded flute and end Its everlasting tootle. A Svecrstion.—Everybody who knows anything about the Show at Earl’s Court, is familiar with the pleasant “ Welcome Club” so conveniently situated in the gardens of the Exhibition. The “ Wel- come Club” is a good title, so suggestive of hospitality to guests. Now, as there are many excellent persons who, for some reason or other, or, for no reason in par- ticular, are unable to become members of the Athenwum, the Marlborough, the St. James’s, the Jockey, the Turf, the Reform, the Garrick, Constitutional, and other clubs too numerous to mention, and who may have been vigorously, but of course most unjustly, pilled at almost all the best clubs in London, would it not be eminently useful and advantageous to start the “ Unwelcome Club,” open to every ‘“Unwelcomer” in whose faces all other London clubs had closed their doors ? It would not be very difficult to name a President, likewise to nominate a Com- mittee, for this club. Yearly subscriptions should be paid in advance, and the en- trance fee should be considerable. Ars est Celare Artem. Or Art they say the highest kind Is truly to conceal it, And this, no doubt, is why we find So very few reveal it. MorTTo FOR THOSE WHO CONSIDER A Two- PENNY THAMES TRIP BETWEEN CARLYLE Pier aNnp Lonpon BRIDGE AS REFRESHING. — Dulce est desipere in smoko.” VOL, CXIV,

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on aodn sayaso 03 ‘di {suorsies pood pus dryspaary [wnjnu ino jo orjeprfosaoo oq} Jo UTIs & su ‘pus ‘uorjerasdde snorowsd ysou anod iW. HLIM OG AZHL TIIM LVHM [Jone 18, 1898. CHARIVARL. LONDON THE OR PUNCH, [9 euns ‘esednz Apwd opr ‘huvws fo mousy sosodiay ay) 0) vury) fo sosedueq ay} hq 2ues wnsbyn woraf poaueg —,,woIeg atqnog ssvig yatq ano Aysefep anof uodn sazu00 om ‘asuodses uy Vaj3eq you @ 94) jo sepsio Y3Ty yeou oq) ‘Aipworq Tesdoya; ‘an 03 svaadxe 0} poseoid useq svq Ajsofeyy an0g ,,] — eed 4 ~ + er ae )) a — ?

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Jove 18, 1898.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. HOBBES-ERVATIONS ON THE ST. JAMES’S COMEDY. In The Ambassador, written by Mrs. Craters (alias “ Jonn Otiver Hopses,” au- thoress of many clever novels), the man- agement of the St. James’s Theatre pre- sents to the public that very rare article, a genuine modern comedy. It is wittily written, and excellently played; more- over, it is brilliantly “mounted” (Mr. ALEXANDER riding to win), and, once the machinery is set in motion, and the princi- pal figures begin to work, there is not an approach to a dull moment throughout the play, except in the opening of the second act, when a set of well-dressed ladies. seated all in a row, as if they were asked to a party in order to give an amateur female Christy Minstrel entertainment and were only awaiting the arrival of their musical instruments, ask one another, and answer, some “society” conundrums. Here, for once, the stage management is at fault, and produces a burlesque effect at the expense of the comedy. Then, again, the childishly silly scene at the Maior’s rooms in Act III., wherein Majer Huao Lascelles, capitally played by Mr. Frep Terry, a hlasé man about town, is renresented as giving a supper-party to an elderly professional mother and her three professional dancing and singing daughters, between nineteen and fourteen vears of age, whose vulcarity is brought out into the stroncest relief by the conscien- tious acting of Mrs. F. Jackson, Miss Lucy Westixna, Miss Mary Jerroip, and Miss Farta Fitzroy. These useless characters micht. with advantage. be entirely omit- ted. This drastic remedy may have been suggested during rehearsal; perhaps the authoress stuck to her pop-guns, and the great commander, AL®XANDER, had to yield to feminine Hosses-tinacv. Mr. ALexanner, asthe British Ambassa- dor, a man of about fortv or forty-five. cool, cynical. witty and wise, yet for all that, an impulsive, passionate pilgrim when in love, may reckon this as among the very best of his histrionic successes, There is not a false note throvuchout his rendering of the charecter that Mrs. Crarere has so carefully delineated. No less praise must be awarded to Miss Fay Davis as the in- reruous young cirl, Juliet Gainshorough, though it is sad to think of her future when, as there is a difference of twentr or twenty-five years between her ave and that of Tord St. Orbun, the latter. if both survive the exveriment, will be a sedentary sixty-five to her frisky forty! Awful to contemnlate. Passons. Mr. H. B. Irvivxe is delightfully amus- ing as the Second Attaché. His perform- ance in this character is that of a genuine comedian ;: the melodramatic manner asso- ciated with a brief career of stage villainy being as utterly discarded as if he had always walked in the pleasant, peaceful raths of dramatic virtue. From his rather Mephistophelian “ make-up,” the audience are at first inclined to set him down as “the villain of the piece.” How the wisest among us are constantly liable to be de- ceived by appearances! Would not any audi- ence imagine that in being introduced to Mr. Frep Terry as Major Hugo es, with pale face, dark moustache, and iron- grey hair, they were making the acquaint- ance of an accomplished scoundrel, a kind of Hawksley in Still Waters Run Deep, judging him, that is, by the reports of his conduct which had reached them in the i "% Minister's Wife. ‘‘Tommy OROWTHER, YOU HAVEN'T WASHED your Face To-Day!” Tommy Crowther. ‘‘’Tain’t Sunpay!” first act. Yet it is soon made evident that the philanthropic Major is excep- tionally kind and nice to boys and girls, loving to entertain the latter, with a discreet chaperone, in his bache- lor quarters, at quite a nursery sup- per-party, while as to his pure and ‘olonel-Newcomesque affection for lads about seventeen or thereabouts, is it not evinced by his winning five hundred pounds from Master Vivian Beawvedere (admirably played by Mr. H. V. Esmonp, especially in the emotional scene when the youth struggles to suppress his choking tears of gratitude), and, ya restoring to the boy his cheque thro Juliet, to whom he explains that he has only intended to give Master Vivian a lesson? Ahem! Do we inexperi laygoers entirely believe this iron-grey- aired, middle-aged, benevolent, gambling roué? Well, who among the audience would be the first to suggest a game of écarté with this preux chevalier—d’indus- trie? Good also is Miss Viotet VANBRUGH as the still sentimental “femme de trente ans” (and a trifle over), with whom at first we are led to believe the astute diplo- matist is in love. Mr. ALEXANDER is to be congratulated on producing the work of “Joun O1iver Hospes,” and likewise “Jonn Oniver Hopses” is to be equally congratulated on having her first play produced by Mr. Avexanver. As to the successful career of this play, we can only record our im- primatur, “ Nihil ‘ Hobbes’-tat.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. [Jone 18, 1898. THE ACIDITY OF THE GRAPE. First Genius (whose work is ‘‘ skied,” commenting on Picture by an R.A.). ‘‘Novt MUCH OF A THING, Is IT?” Second Genius (whose work is ‘‘ out”). ‘*’STONISHING WHAT DUFFING HOWLERS MEN ALWAYS PAINT AS SOON AS THEY 'RE ELECTED TO THE | Acapemy !” “THE RING” AND THE BOOK, Monday.—Das Rheingold. Vespers at 8.30 sharp. Reach my dim religious pew just as voluntary opens. Curtain rises on vertical section of Rhine. How management keeps noble river from getting over footlights I cannot think. Nor how these three nymphs sing so beautifully under water without swallowing any of it. Nor yet how they on Wagala- weia-ing, as Woglinde calls it, for about twenty minutes at same angle without moving legs. Have seen shows at Royal Aquarium, but nothing to compare with this. Forget ow many feet of water Rhine-steamers draw; but | think large pointed rock in centre of river-bed must be very dan- | gerous. Management thinks so too, and puts a little beacon on it. This attracts attention of Alberich, who goes up crag in small hydraulic lift and helps himself to Rheingold. Refer to Book of Words for his motive, which, I am told, is leit. My translation (by a Mr. Forman), said to be “in the alliterative verse of the original,” gives me following lucid assistance :— “ The gold I cluteh from the rock And clench to the greatening ring ; For lo! how I curse Love, be witness the water! ”’ “ Dream you no dread ? Then smother the dark Your drivelling smiles ! Your light let I begone ; Somehow, this touches me, though I am left with impression that Wacner is a humorist, and Alberich no gentleman. — Gather later that Wotan (really magnificent basso, with one eye) has made terms with Messrs. Fafner and Fasolt, builders and contractors, for erecting little place called Walhalla. In recognition of services them graceful concession of Freia, lady relation of gods. Fricka, his wife, and sad thorn in his robust flesh, proposes breach of covenant. High contracting | parties meet in what my Book calls “‘an open district,” with | pleasant view of building in dispute. Scenery trembles as the | two F’s come on in the guise of a couple of Zoo-bears, one Arctic and the other black, with nice natural climbing-poles. If faul | can be found with them it is their knees, which show weakness in | descending staircase through boulders. Follows noisy alterca- | tion, with now and then something faintly suggestive of an air. | Presently enter referee, in jaunty person of Loge, wearing scarlet livery of Mephisto: a most eligible premier loge, enjoying uninterrupted view this and other situations. that he could put Wotan into good thing in gold mines, di ds of which might compensate Messrs. Fafner and Fasolt for moral damage. Wotan much tickled at notion of getting inside market Ring. As Book puts it, with quiet humour :— ** The hoop to have with me Hold I wholly for wisdom.” — ae eS = Votenmpenet. ae See has got a ls n ingold crushi on leadin er. 80 Nibelun midgets have built him a hat, which calls a Tarn-Helm. fhat he can do with the tarn thing is shewn when Loge and Wotan step into his Inferno, trying not to look more like Virem and Dante than they can help. First he goes behind property rock, turns on steam, and comes out as the best prehistoric dragon I have ever seen outside pages of Punch. Goes jabberwoking off to right wing in jerky Sale a triumph of stage-management; then comes back smiling and blushing as Herr Nese. Mephistophelian cunning of jeune premier Loge now revealed in following dialogue, given here in the rough from memory, without alliteration :— Alberich (after quick change _ dragon). Not bad, was it? Loge. Very fine and large. Suppose you couldn’t have done it on a smaller Alb. Why, certainly. Loge. Couldn’t turn into a toad, could you? A/+. Of course I could. Loge. What, a little one? Ald. Small as you like. Loge. Snall enough to go through a key-hole? A/b, Rather; you see, Puts on hat and goes behind another property-rock. Steam as before. Loge (who wouldn’t hit a dragon fis own size) is on to toad like knife ; and Alberich, on resuming own shape, finds his arms pinioned with piece of coarse string. To make prodigiously long story short, his whole hoard, in- cluding nang has to go to pay bill or release. Entire col- lection has, however, to be handed over to Messrs. Fafner and They figure of Fraulein her quite easily wcale ? Fasolt in consideration of discharge of lady in contract. stipulate for a heap big enough to hide charmin W see nearly all f EED. Personally, I coul round corner. Partners of firm of Fafner and Fasolt now dispute over spoil. Carried away by stress of avarice black bear 0 kills other one. At least, so it says in Book. In int of fact, white r, in hurry of moment, ran completely off stage; leaving black bear stabbing with his pole at nothing in particu- lar. Black bear may not have noticed that white bear was miss- ing from scene, his eye being rivetted on conductor, so as to get - in his blows in time with muffled drum, playing _rallentando, As it was, he finished Pafner kills Fasolt to slow music. one beat too soon. : Seems that there is a curse, as well as a leit-motif, connected with this Rhine-gold. Wotan, well rid of it, is invited to go and sample new building. Contract had said nothing of carriage- —_ or other en So somebody, -— a Fg and audible conversation o mters, puts up bri across valley. Tawdry, ok Be gem oy walk as much like the rainbow it was meant for as my crush-hat. In Book, the archi tect of this pons asininus is made to say :— “ Though built lightly looks it, “ It helps your feet Fast and fit 4 bridge 31 Without fear to the hall!” This statement full of falsehood; which does not escape the

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Juve 18, 1898.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. '@ C "ai git OUR YEOMANRY. Sergeant Major. ‘‘NumMBern THREE, WHERE ’s YOUR Sworp /” Recruit (who finds practice very different from theory). ‘‘ON THE GrouND. CARN’T SEE UN?” gods, who have some sense, and decline to carry out stage- instructions, which order them to be in act of crossing bri when curtain falls. A — performance, creditable to every man, woman and god that played a part : and notably to Wotan (Van Rooy), Fricka (Miss Marre Brema), Loge (Van Dyox), and the lady-nymphs, Von Artner, Hreser, and Scoumann HEINK. On Wednesday, the Walkiire ; a matinée-evening performance. Cannot think what clothes to put on for it. ish there was some rational Cycle costume for this sort of thing. Morr should be the only wear. Wednesday, 5 p.m.—Die Walkiire. Never saw a man so tired as , “Ty (late Loge) when he calls at Hunding’s country- seat after a hard day with the hounds. Took something under five minutes to on from the front door to the sofa; chest going in and out like a concertina. A drink, that takes almost as long (my Book of Words calls it “a well.” but there is no Truth in this), picks him up at last; and his long-lost. twin sister, Mrs. Hunding, sings to him as sweetly as any bird I Presently host arrives in great voice. He was Fasolt on Monday. Said at the time that Fafner didn’t really kill him. They sit down to supper, but don’t touch it, as things are rather strained, Hunding Sevier frankly to shoot Siegmund Wife, how- ever, drugs his posset so well that he hears nothing of a lovely loud duet that the twins sing in the dining-room. Meanwhile, twins arrange to elope, being encouraged by view of a Spring-night with gentle-waving scenery seen through an exceed- ingly large pair of folding-doors in wall. “In the Spring a young man’s fancy,” &c. All ends by Siegmund drawing, with extra- ordinary muscular effort, large sword from out of trunk of central ash-tree, piece of furniture which was then de rigueur in the best families. Calls it a mere Nothung ; but I trembled lest he should bring tree away with it. A very perfect scene, marred only by inevitable defects of music’s qualities. Will freely admit that Wacner as poet has better chance against WaGNEeR as composer than any other age early next morning after a hospitable night’s rest. librettist ever gets. But drama goes desperately slow. Every action, from vulgar processes of drinking or panting, to =— ate movements of love and death (see Fasolt’s decease) have to | take their time from the orchestra. And do what Herr Morr will | —and he works miracles—he is bound, with all the wind at his' command, to keep the mummers marking time while he comes up. As for Van Dyck, though his motions are a little spasmodic, and for Madame Eames, though she can hardly be said to give herself away at this irregular bridal, and was never meant by nature even to approach verge of impropriety, they deserve all the enthusi- asm they win from an audience whose attitude is of the most correct. 6.15.—My spirit caught up from _ my body; the latter turned out for purposes of ventilation. How can I go and eat earthly food in interval? During this waste hour and a half must of course keep life going ; but let me purify my flesh by temperance, and remain receptive. 9.45.—Have missed second act. Learn from one of Faithful, who has dined more wisely but less well, that Briinnhilde has annoyed her parent by seconding Siegmwnd in his duel with out- raged husband. Is to hear further of this at some length. Third act opens with delightful quartette of Condemnation Lasses distributing War Cry. Fresh cuirassiéres join them, coming down lightning switch-back in rear, and putting up chargers in Covent Gaba Cloak Room. All agree that Briinn- hilde, who comes in with widow of late duellis‘s, Siegmund and Hunding, will have bad quarter-of-an-hour with Wotan when he arrives; thus under-estimating length of approaching duetto. When the god appears, magnificent in war-paint and singing divinely, he dismisses the rest of the Valkyries so as to have a few words alone with erring daughter. Before the ladies have time to think of mounting, the dummy chargers scoot previously up the switch-back into space: two distinct whistles from the flies shew that some of cavalry are left calling for four-wheelers. No space to tell of painful family scene that ensues. Awful punishment awaits daughter at hands of affectionate father, whom it hurts more than her. She has to lie flat on a plank-bed with only a shield for counterpane, and wait till Siegfried is born and gets old enough to ma her. To test honesty of that hero’s intentions, ring of fire is supposed to go round her. In point of fact, it only goes across middle of stage, leaving easy and obvious approach for suitor by either front wing. Miss Marre Brema, if she did not quite look the nart of a Valkyrie, played it with strong fecling, and sang past all praise ; Herr Vaw Rooy was god-like every way. To-morrow, Siegfried; but on that and the rest please await next week learned opinion of Tre STaLtiép Ox. ———

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [June 18, 1898, Actor (on the stag | | | = ie i . Ml | I] I be | | . ‘*ME MIND IS MADE UP!” Voice from the Gallery. *‘ WHAT ABEAOUT YER FicE ? THE COUNTY QUALIFICATION. From far Australian prairies, From India’s sultry plains, (The situation varies, The principle remains,) To England’s richest counties, Where gates and fees are high, Athirst for “foreign bounties,” They come to qualify What though a R——1 Afar off has his birth, Where man’s complexion ’s dingy, The hue of mother earth ; Since each man, to his humour, Fresh fatherlands annex, Sussex gets M——a, T——t plays for Middlesex. Thus, then, in haste and hurry, Each player seeks new spots, And qualifies for Surrey, Though born in Yorks or Notts; Like Aaron’s rod the new one Still swallowing the rest, That county ’s still his true one That only pays the best. WILL ANY ONE SUCCEST A REMEDY? Dear Mr. Puncn,—Please, I’d like to tell you about a piece of hard had lately. The other day, I was by my eldest soror (whi i freely, for the benefit of the unlearned, as “ sister”) to see one of the mater’s lady friends, who is afflicted with a she-baby. I hadn’t decently got into the room before the creature caught sight of me, and actu- ally dared to smile at me. Of course my soror went mad over the thing; that I didn’t mind, I only pitied her. But, not content with speaking a lot of idiotic rub- bish to it, brutally told me to kiss it. Naturally, I said I wouldn’t. When we ot home, she hadn’t forgotten (no such uck), but told the mater, who me, not only for refusing to kiss it, but even for not volunteering to sit on the ground and play with it. I am thirteen, you know. I’ve written to you in the ho that it will catch the eye of some influential person, who will take the stro measures required for abolishing this kind of annoyance. (Excuse my interrupting, but I must draw your attention to this last sentence, I think I put it rather neatly.) I asked the mater if I could rely on its not happening again, but she got uite angry. I only hope she doesn’t see is letter; I shall have to hide away your paper this week. Yours in haste, Tomas Auuison, Junr. TUT, TUTT! '* I'd be a Butterfly.”— O_p Sone, ~ [“ Aceording to Mr. J. W. Turt, of the South London Entomological and Natural History Society, ‘the male butterfly is a glutton and an immoderate drinker.’ "—Daily Telegraph.]| Ne’eR again will ladies ‘sigh To become a butterfly, Now we prove the ancient song Scientifically wrong. Ne’er again will poets dare To that insect to compare Ladies whom the wish to praise In an apt poetic phrase. Mr. Tutt, who tells no lies, Tells us that the butterflies Are, alas! what do you think? Let. me whisper, fond of drink! He has watched them on the flow’rs, Where they ’ll sit and suck for hours, Quite devoid of any motion, Save absorption of “the lotion.” Thus they spend the Summer’s day While the females work away, For this craving to regale Ts restricted to the male. Lost illusion of our youth In a scientific truth, Tear-drops gather in our eyes When we think of butterflies. ASCOT AMUSEMENTS. (From a Lady's Point of View.) PLEASANT sojourn in the country when town is becoming monotonous. House-party with customary diversions View of the Royal Procession with “smart” surroundings. Opportunity for sartorial display to the best advantage. Luncheon al fresco. Small talk in air free from the smoke microbes of the Row. Return journey tinged with the gentle influence of excellent champagne Dinners served with the chat of the luck I’ve | London season. Dances informal, and epilogues and pro- | logues of sporting days past and to come. (From a Man's Point of View.) Making things safe with the favourite. Getting things shipshape for the settle- ment at TaTreRsaLt’s.

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June 18, 1898.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. OP Sy = —— a = . [** Golf is now being played on the Norman Coast.’’—Ludgate.] DARBY ‘JONES: DISCOURSES ON ASCOT. Honovrep S1r,—Once more the Thau- matrope of Time brings us afresh to the dainty delights of Aristocratic Ascot; once more every Noble Lady in the land is endeavouring to discover with what. frills and furbelows other going to delight the Eye of Man and cause Bitter Envy to surge in feminine hearts; once more their Husbands, Bro- thers, Cousins, Sons, Nephews, Fathers, Uncles, and Adorers in general, are won- dering what the week’s dissipation is likely to cost them, when dresses, drags, hired houses, champagne lunches, and specula- tion on Horseflesh have to be settled for, while Poverty-stricken Plungers, who shudder at the mere name of ‘Epsom do- ings, are searching for Good Things with all the assiduity of diggers and delvers in far Klondyke. For my own part, honoured Sir, not Le one of the Favourites of Fortune, n in the Funds, or Negotiable —well,—suffice it to say that I never miss the Royal Meeting, and I think I may observe, without the Blush of Egotism mantling my cheek, that my Get-up on such occasions is one that does not disgrace you, honoured Sir, or any other of my esteemed Patrician Patrons. As Count Grocanorr observed the year before last (I got him to write down the phrase), “Snones a toujours lair d’un Chevalier d’Industrie déguisé en Prince,” which, I am told, means in British verna- cular, “ Jones always looks like a Noble- man in Disguise.” We have taken a Cosy Crib not a hun- dred miles from the Course, where, I need not say, we shall be Proud to entertain our Friends to the best of our humble | Resources, and also ask theni to join us in some harmless Post-prandial Games. I only hope that we shall not fall victims to such a Scurvy Trick as was played us in a year which shall be dateless. Captain Kriterion had, with his usual forethought, hired a snug and respectable villa belong- ing to the Widow of a Venerable Arch- deacon, and had also taken care that man cases of the Best, together with m Succulent Provender, should be sent Noble Ladies are | without Landed Estates, Money | Jewellery, | thither from certain London Purveyors in whom he had every confidence, and they in him. But when we sat down to our evening repast at nine o'clock, lo, and behold! there was no bread. e Beast | of a Village Baker had actually refused to | supply us with the Staff of Life. t appeared that, on a previous occasion, | Kriterion, after giving this Flower Spoiler profuse patronage, had somehow or another omitted to settle his paltry account, and | this was the Inhuman Caitiff’s pitiful revenge! There were we, seated at a table over- | laden with Luxuries, and not a crumb or crust of common Household Sustenance no shops open in the neighbourhood, and no inn nearer than five miles off. supply of biscuits had, alas! miscarried, and we had to consume seed cake with our priceless Gorgonzola, Camembert and Brie. I quiver with Indignation and Indiges- tion as I recall this disgraceful episode. Away with such a sickening recollection! Let me seek relief in the Muse. Let her SUGGESTION FOR THE ORICKET SEASOX, The New Pneumatic Leg Guard. inspire my feeble Pen and provide us with that Wherewithal without which the humble Quartern Loafer is as wretched as a detected Solicitor struck off the Rolls. So let the Goosequill be dipped into a a Hunt Cup filled with aureous fluid, and mingle minstrelsy with prophecy, as follows :— Let-her-gothas not pluck, I much fear ; The Masculine Heir I prefer, The Asshead won't victorv near, But beware of the Fog that’s on her ! e Journal Ear my go the pace, And the Baker Prince \ead in the straight ; ut the Envoy of Monarchs‘will race When the Knight from the North feels the weight. Oe A The Saint who is under a Cloud To the Troubadour may not give way, But the Dropp’d Plumme won't wait for the crowd, While the Ever Remembered holds swav, While the Ditchweight is looking as proud As a winner should look on this day! Thus does the Bard-Prophet chortle, knowing full well that there ’s many a slip *twixt the start and the dip into the lucky bag. Wide may it be opened, honoured Sir, to you, Sir Fraiwser Punnett, and other Noble Sportsmen, always revered by Your devoted Vates-Extraordinary, Darsy Jones. P.S. or Prize Selection for Thursday— Though the Face-Cover seed like a stag, For the Gold Cup the Bay will not lag, But I'll stick to the Chester Cup Flag. Short, but sweet. D. J. CHORUS OF FASHIONABLE LADIES. Arn—"' Ah! que j'aime les militaires.” How we dote on the millinery! Dote on the millinery! Dote on the millinery! Fashions change, and ’tis a crime To be at all 7 the time ,— Ah Don’t we dote on the millinery P? Bother money ; let ’em wait. We must be up to date! ‘*How’s this for High?” “Tas Szason’s Cuerse.—After a long (Mr. Punch’s Patent.) period of quiescence, cheese is once more moving.” —Grocers’ Journal SS

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| fine bars, the result being that bi | We were therefore ship 286 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [June 18, 1898. Vf / Vt fs V4h hj) Vtityy 4 LLG. ify hp Wy j VL) f ®. / | bi tg 4 4 Shh i / BGA) Lh) fpf bh Z } of Y, Of / 7 tht fy V Uh) FU) fis, A SAFE W Pat (in corner, to chaffing friend, who knows him to have backed beaten horse). ‘‘Gotn’ TO Lotrk, AM O1? Savure, O1've cor A TROIFLE ON EVERY BLISSED Horsk IN THE RACE SSS ll IN (%) Farru, AN’ O1’m not! FLITTINGS. East London, Cape Colony, May 1, 1898. Dear Mr. Puncu,—Here we are, in a place whose name re- | minds one of home, and whose leading thoroughfare is called | Oxford Street, though I can’t trace any other points of resem- | umbrella-bearer. blance. Both this harbour and Durban are provided with very liners have to lie outside. d yesterday from the latter port on board the “ Dunvegan Castle” by means of a basket over the | side of a tug, and felt like a lot of cattle as we were swung in | mid-air. A few days ago we rode and drove out to a kraal in Natal, to pay our respects to a chief, whose name sounded somewhat like ‘Cockxte_erkiz.”” When we got there, we found that our induna was out on a wife-hunting expedition, in search of his thirty-first spouse. However, the existing thirty Mesdames CockigLEEKIE and their progeny were all there, and we left a card on the senior chieftainess, who was squatting on all fours inside a hut. She treated it with contempt, not unmingled with aversion. It was doubtless a fearful breach of etiquette. We were soon surrounded by a swarm of importunate children and grass-widows, with bead ornaments and Kafir drinking- bowls, etc., to sell. As we could get them much cheaper in London, we declined their offers, but invited a few of the least unprepossessing ladies, with brick-red and bottle-shaped coiff ures, and babies on their backs, to for a family group. They named their terms with the air of professio beauties, and, after much haggling, a bargain was struck. When the photo was taken, some twenty others sprang like magic from the ground and declared they had been included in the group, and demanded their fees as well. I wonder they did not raise the question of copyright. Anyhow, the leader of our party, who could vitu- perate in Zulu with the best of them, found his work cut out in pacifying our hostesses. He was saved from being torn to pieces by the arrival of the indwna himself attended by his He soon sent his thirty better, or noisier halves | about their business. We said “we saw him,” which was no poker parlance, but the Zulu greeting, and hoped “our” kraal would “ dwell happily,” and took our leave. Six hours later we got rid of the last of the Natal grass-ticks which infested his neighbourhood. most striking product of Durban is the crowd of ricksha- boys. They lie in wait for you outside your hotel at all hours of the day or night, with their appealing query of “Yes, baas?” or self-approving exclamation, “G boy!” They are now only an amusing memory, while I sign myself, Yours, with Zulu clicks, EDWHYEKS. THE SITUATION. [“* There is no news at present from the seat of war, but great events may shortly be expected.”— Anster Weekly.| KINGSKETTLE is expecin’, for the Weekly ’s gien the word— The toun is a’ a-buzz wi’ expectation, An’ crowds o’ four’ an’ five an’ sax—Kingskettle is that stirred— Foregaither tae discuss the seetuation. Eh, Sirs! A stirrin’ time, an’ mair especially for me, For when they ’re done wi’ arguin’, the loons ’!! Come rinnin’ roun’ tae learn the views o’ Saunpy Broun, P.C.— The Pairish, no, ye ken, the Privy Council. Aweel, tak’ Spain. I dinna ken stateestics o’ the fleet, But this ’ll be the way tae mak’ a test o’t— Suppose the Yankees dinna prove owre tough for them tae beat, n that case, Spain’! likely hae the best o’t. But then again, convairsely, should the Spanish fleet engage, An’ get sae muckle she can bide nae more o’t, Why then, ye ken, however hot the bluidy ficht may rage, I doot the Yankees winna hae the waur o’t. Na, na, I’m no for sayin’, Sir—Ca’ canny! Bide a wee! For mind ye, there is ae conseederation, A factor o’ the vara first importance, as ye ’ll see, Tae ane that’s thinkin’ out the seetuation. Suppose—an’ it is far frae the impossible, ye ken— uppose the twa should never come thegither, Su a mutual respec’ inspires them baith—why, then, t Soot the t’ae will never beat the t’ither. I’m no for sayin’ definite there winna be a ficht, But only that, in certain circumstances, Wi’ certain reservations, gin they never come in sicht, A battle seems tae me against the chances. That ’s ma opeenion! Weel, mebbe, it is a wee thing strang, But tho I like tae put it gey an’ meekly, Ye winna vara often find that Saunpy Broun is wrang, Particularly when he’s read his Weekly.

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Juxe 18, 1898.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FaoM THE Diary or Tosy, M.P. House of Commons, Monday night, June 6.—If one has to hint at a fault in the manner of the Member for Oxford Univer- sity, it is a tendency to frivolity. Consti- tutionally prone to see the bright, not to | parso say the comic, side of things, his light- heartedness sometimes jars on the sensitive mind. This made the more striking the evidence of emotion betrayed when the Sack OF QUEEN ANNk’s GaTE to-night came forward as Champion of the Clergy. Their case had been laid before adamantine CHAn- CELLOR oF ExcuequgerR by Colonel Miut- waRD. That gallant Member, amazed at the moderation of his own fluency, urged that parsons whose income is wholly or in = derived from tithes, should have a ittle special provision made for them out of public purse. As Squire or Matwoup (uncommonly active after recess) pointed out, present Government Act largely endowing landlords out of the rates. Why should clergy, also drawing their in- come from land, be omitted from beneficent arrangement ? St. Micuag. said that, out of respect to the memory of the late Queen E.iza- BETH, it couldn’t be done. Since the time of that lamented monarch, clergy had been taxed on present system. Would never do to alter it. Above all things, no scandal about Queen Exvizaperu. Convinced by this argument, J. G. Tat- BOT rose, and with tears in his voice ad- vised Mitwarp to withdraw his amend- ment moved on second reading of Budget Bill. The Colonel, having homey enjoyed himself with his speech, and feel- ing that he had done all that was ible for downtrodden clergy, assented. Friends of the clergy on Ministerial side gave sigh of relief. Everything going off admirably. Had made their plaint ; had pleased their parish parson; but ’twould never do to vote against the Government, above all in a division where their names would re in the list as backing up fresh demand on public purse in favour of what ruthless | persons opposite called the richest church in the world. It was here Sace or Queen ANNzE’s GaTE (lately removed to Old Palace Yard) inter- posed. Not usually regarded as a buttress | of the Church. Is content with living as near Westminster Abbey as building ar- rangements permit. But this writing up of | “ Help the Poor Clergy” and then running | away touched his chivalrous soul. If hon. jand almost reverend gentlemen opposite | woes not divide the House on the ques- tion, he would. So, pressing Mappison into service as co-teller, the two ultra- Radicals led out the tiower of British Toryism to strike a blow for the oppressed n. In point of size it wasn’t much of a flower, and it seemed to form itself a little reluctantly. But the thing was done, and tears of genuine emotion rolled down cheeks of J. G. TaLsor as he went out with the dauntless twenty-seven. “None of us are hopelessly bad,” he said. ‘ Nothing is irretrievable. 1 begin to think I shall live to see Laspy endowing 5, Old Palace Yard, as a Home for Incurable Curates, himself, in decent garb, presiding at their matins and evensong.” Business done.—Proposal to extend to clergy Relief of Landlords Act defeated by 215 votes against 27. Twesday.—Sark just now lost in con- templation of the problem why, in Par- liamentary debate, a certain type of states- man and orator should attacn himself to India and its far-reaching attairs. Here is a country whose extent, whose popula- tion, whose material wealth, whose ancient history, whose barbaric splendour inflame the imagination, touch tbe profoundest depths of human intellect. It is a theme that has fitly engaged the oratory of Fox, Burke and SHeriwan, the pen of Ma- CAULAY, the sword of Ciive and WaRrREN Hastines. Yet, as sure as ever India comes on for discussion in the House of Commons, Sam Samira and Sir WiLiiam Weppersurn take the floor. "Twas ever thus, before and since the time of the late Sir Grorce Ba.rour. Wherefore? That is just what the Member for Sark wants to know. Secret up to the present is t finding out. Prince Ar- THUR and Don Josg, listening to Grorciz Hamitton’s statement on Indian finance, found the problem so entrancing that they severally went to sleep over it. A pretty picture thus com : Secretary of State at the table talking in monotonous voice |about famine, plague, war, earthquake, and expenditure of millions of rupees. To his left, on the bench behind, the Leader of the House sweetly slumbering ; on his right the Colonial Secretary dream- ing that Jesse CoLiinos was born with a long spoon in his mouth, which accounts for his being comfortably ensconced at the Tas Return or THE “ Litre Minister.” Will the Elders reinstate him? |Home Office. A little lower down, the President of the Board of Agriculture, also asleep, presenting to the few strangers in the gallery an object-lesson in the pallid countenance, the haggard look, the wasted frame that typify British Agriculture. But then India is a long way off, and Sam Smita, with Weppersurn to follow, were soon to descant on the topic. : Business done.— Committee authorise new loan of ten millions for India. Thursday.—As schoolboys back after holiday talk of how they nt the happy time, so to-day House is full of reminis- cence of Whitsuntide. For sheer enjoy- ment, Belfast takes the cake. JoHN Ditit0N, who ha to be there, en- 7 House 3 opens sopeiien of os ’s doings. e olic 8, some 20,000 strong, marched out with drums

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288 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [June 18, 1898. beating, flags flying. The Orangemen lay | in wait for them, with a miscellaneous ment of breathless excitement, which the House shared, listening to the eye-wit- ness’ simple story. Some two or three hundred Orangemen approached from a cross-road upon the thoroughfare along which the Catholic boys proudly pressed. Had they been fewer in number, less resolute in appearance, the Urangemen, anxious above all things for the salvation of their souls, would have dashed in and battered their bodies. But, as JoHN Ditton glowingly said, “we had ten thou- sand as fine fighting men as I ever clapped | eyes upon.” Experienced glance of Orangemen told them it was no use attacking such an army. They withdrew, and the Catholics tramped on undisturbed. Had the forces been more equally matched, there would, | Ditton said, have been “the bloodiest battle the streets of Belfast ever saw.” Which is putting it strongly. However, there are compensations. If the Catholics were too strong for the genial Orangemen, the police torce were not. So they “went for” the police, and before midnight a hundred and three of them were carried bleeding to the hospital. When Belfast resolves to make holiday, | judges, M.P.’s, members of the bar, and some private friends. £1,200 these have promptly planked down. That is good; even more golden than the guineas is the testimony of lingering affection and esteem for one of the kindest-hearted sweetest -tempered, merriest - manne 'men that ever convinced a jury or charmed the House of Commons. But £1,200 is not enough to carry out the purposes of the Committee. Just half as much more is needed. Less than fifty Members of the House of Commons have 'as yet come forward with their guineas. |The address of the old friend and com- | panion dear who has the matter in hand, | and wants another £600, is C. W. MaTHEws, 1, Essex Court, Temple. Business done.—Don Jose rises to ex- plain his Long-spoon speech. SITUATIONS VACANT. WANTED, Porter for well-known Metro- politan workhouse. Must be good ail- round man, able to keep door, accounts, temper; nurse in hospital and prescribe for paupers. Preference given to Lon- don M.D.—Apply, stating degrees, ac- ** A tendency to Frivolity.” (Mr. J. G. T-lb-t.) collection of theological arguments, vary- ing from brickbats to crowbars. At one particular street-turning there was a mo- what a day it does have, to be sure! Business done.—Miscellaneous. Friday.—A touching monument to our dear Frank Lockxwoop is found in the first list of subscribers to the Memorial Fund. Headed by H.R.H. and his son next in succession to the throne, it includes peers, complishments, experience and all quali- fications, to “Guardian,” Gray’s Inn Road. TO V.C.’S and Others. Wanted, Dargai Hero to play the pipes in country house and look generally interesting. Duties light, salary ditto.—Apply, War Office. OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. In The Admiral (Hvutcmtnson), Mr. Doveras Stapen has woven a wreath to the memory of Netson in anticipation of the hundredth anniversary of the battle of the Nile, fought on the Ist of August, 1798. He calls it A Romance, and lives up to the idea by introducing, by way of undercurrent, the story of the love of a British midshipman for a Sicilian Princess. The book is really a careful study of the personality, private life, and glorious career, of Netson. It is a perilous undertaking, and my Baronite congratulates Mr. SLapEN on his success. It has evi- dently been a labour of love. He has not only steeped himself in all known records of the great Admiral, especially his letters and despatches, but has visited the scene of his amours with Lady Hamitton, and describes them with graphic force. Next to Neison, Romney’s model stands out on the page with most dis- tinctness. The manly Queen of Naples, and her futile husband, with occasional glimpses of the complaisant Sir Wiiu1am Hamit- TON, give varied life to the picture. Nothing yet done in litera- ture presents a more vivid picture of Netson. In some of the aspects it is startling regarded through the glasses in use at the end of the Nineteenth Century. But it is necessarily accurate, since Mr. SiapEn’s so-called Romance is largely made up, whether in dialogue or description, of the actual words of Ne.son and his contemporaries. Burdett’s Official Intelligence (Spottiswoopze & Co.), has reached its seventeenth year—a sweet young thing of 2,528 pages, weighing a trifle under a stone. It is almost a providential thing that Sir Henry Burpert, its Editor and creator, having retired from his secretarial office on the Stock Exchange, should have decided to withdraw from further care of this monumental work. It has been growing year by year till it has reached cubical pro- portions quite as extensive as an able-bodied man can grapple with. The mass of information given is at first sight bewilder- ing in its range and complexity. But so admirable is the work- manship, so masterly the arrangement, that any one seeking in- formation upon a particular point has no difficulty in finding it. Indispensable to ail havin dealings with the Stock Exchange, it recommends itself to my ewe on the ground that, in case of emergency, it will serve admirably as a centre table for an office or @ stool for any desk of ordinary height. Tue B. vz B.-W. Toujours la Fumee. Trate Clubbite. Hang these Yankees! I gave up Havana cigars when they block»«ded Cuba, and directly 1 took to Manilas they did ditto to the Philippines ! | HOBSONIANA. [A movement is on foot to have Lieutenant Horson, of Merrimac fame’ made captain of the new battleship, Alabama.— Daily Press.) It is proposed to make Lieutenant Hosson a Bishop. This would give him exclusive command of the See. Although it has been suggested by everyone who had any- thing to say on the subject, that the naval hero should be offered pee Fe he liked to take, including special cigars, the brand to be named “Hosson’s choice,” yet it has not been announced as certain that Lieutenant Hopson, having “won his spurs,” should be permited to wear them whilst “riding at anchor.’ At Yildiz Kiosk. The Shadow (throwing down the newspapers in disgust). Bis- mallah! What fools these Spaniards are! J could have taught them a thing or two. They might have learnt lessons from Crete end Armenia, instead of being so pig-headed about Cuba and the Philippines. In Constantinople at all events, the Powers know that the Commander of the Faithful must always be the boss for us! [Calls for his chibouque. A CHANCE NOT TO BE MISSED. **Deer Mr. PUNCH I AM SENDING you A FUNY DrorING IF YOU EXCEPT IT I SHALL BE HAPPY TO DROR WUN EVRY WEEK Ze ** Tommy.

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iF YOU APPRECIATE QUALITY THE FAMOUS UAM-VAR SCOTCH WHISKY And you will not be disappointed. —@——_—_— INNES & GRIEVE Lro. EDINBURGH & LONDON. THE FAMOUS The special amalgam of steel renders imitation impossible, an makes it the finest shaving implement in the world. None enuine unless paring the regis- tered trade-mark, “The Mab.” PRICE :— Black handle 2/6 “MAB” RAZOR! 8 “MAB” Co., 72, , Newhall | St., Birmingham. SLEEP SKIN-TORTURED BABIES And rest for tired mothers in a warm bath with Curicura Soap, and asingle application of Curicura (ointment), the great Tin cure. This treatment will afford instant relief, and point to a speedy cure of torturing, —. ing, humiliating, itching, burning, bleedi crusted, scaly skin and scalp humours, with loss of hair, when all else fails. Sold throughout the world. British depot: FP. Newstxr & Sows, London. Porter avUG AND em. Coar., Sole Props., Boston, U.S A | a How to CureSkin- reSkin: tortured babies, ‘post free. | FY naam From Pimples to Scrof- ERY HUMOUR=== 32022" | Rencscen No elastie round leg to give varicose veins, SELF- In Silk only. See c¢ Trade Mark is on Stud and Clip. Protected by Patents and Trade Marks at Home and ==COAL’ Led “wr E ==TAR “SOAP wo OR THE LONDON OM 004 ) OY OOOO i) OY: mye iin \) OK MOST DELICIOUS, NUTRITIOUS AND REQUIRING WO DIGESTIVE EFFORT ee Oy ex “DON’T RUN AWAY with the idea that Photography must an longer bea difficult, messy pursuit. Wit the daylight loading Cartridge System KODAKS anyone can learn in afew minutes to take home portraits and excellent pictures of holiday scenes, street views, interiors, flowers, bric-d-prac, &c., by merely learning to point the camera, touch a button, and wind a key. NO DARK ROOM IS REQUIRED. The films are inserted in and removed from the Kodak in daylight. Nostainin of fingers or waste of time. The rolls o exposed film can be posted to any dealer, or to the Company, for developing ond printing. KODAKS from £1 1s. to £5 5s. Illustrated Price Lists free. EASTMAN matertatsco. uta. 43 Clerkenwell Rd,., LONDON, E.c. Retail Branches: 115-117 Oxford Street, and 60 Cheapside, E.C. There is no KODAK but the EASTMAN Kodak. WA VAN AVA AANA, OG! Has SAVORY & MOORE tonpon SOOO IOOOIOOOOOON CCN CHARIVARI.—Junz 18, 1898. ON OOOO; ane) O00) Wav OOO Oy NS Gosden! ald mw Tins 2/6 WAL TINS ower Patent Diagonal ‘y SEAM CORSETS | “Will not split in the Seams nor tear in the Fabric. Made in White, Black, and all Fashion- ableColours and Shades, or Italian Cloth, Satin, si a. 411, 5 ir, an tats ts Bota by alt the 7 ~~ 1 cee cred and jes’ Outfitters. me Goiv Mepats. For Delicate Children. SQUIRE’S CHEMICAL FOOD. In Bottles, 2s., 36. 6d., & 6s. each. AT ALL CHEMISTS awv STORES, anv or AEERINGS sah. ores geome CHERRY BRANDY. The Best Liqueur. THOMAS TURNER & OO, Make Their Own Steel. A CNET Hand F Extra Hollow Ground. Carefully Set. Guaran’ Perfect. te“ " on Shank. bvery, & ; Migek, 6. Send for Fice List of Cases. mm ‘all Dealers, or write direct to Makers, T. TURNER & CO., SUPPOLK WORKS, SHEFFIELD, who will supply through nearest agent. Ask for ** Encore’’ Pocket and Table Outlery. SOMETHING NEW—SCOLI CLUE. SCOLI is Always Ready for use. Is Invaluable in All Houses. Free from Acid and Injurious Ingredients. Will Repair Nearly Everything AS STRONC AS ORDINARY CAKE CLUE. For Wood, Leather, Paper, Cloth, Glass and China Ornaments, Earthenware, Photo-Mounting, &c. SQUIRE & SONS, Her Majesty's Chemists, 413, OXFORD STREET, LONDON. OLDGOLD CIGARETTES Per Box of 10. A Cigarette of Standard Excellence At Small Cost. MANUFACTURED FROM PURE VIRGINIA SUN-DRIED TOBACCO. Sold by Grocers, Oilmen, Lronmongers, Stationery’ Photographic Dealers, Stores, &c., &c. If unable to obtain “ BCOLI,” send stamps for sample, 13 for 1/-, and 94. for 6d. bottle te—COLLOID, Lrp Dept AG, 121, West George Street, Glasgow. Test ‘sam ples on receipt of 1d. stamp .or postage CELLULAR DRESS SHIRTS. HEALTHIEST anv BEST ror EVENING WEAR, IUustrated Price List of full range of Cellular Goods for Men, Women, and Children, sent post free on application, OLIVER BROTHERS, Ltd., 33, New Bond 8t., y. OLIVER BROTHERS, Ltd. 41], Oxford Street, W ROBERT SCOTT, Lid., d'and'15, Poultry, B.0. And ‘om in all Towns in the United K ngdom. See Price Liat for Names, BENZINE OOLLAS.—Ask for “ Collas.” CLEANS GLOVES —CLEANS DRESSES, CLEANS GLOVES.—CLEANS DRESSES. CLEANS GLOVES.—CLEANS DE ESSES. BENZINE COLLAS.—Buy * Colas.” REMOVES TAR, OIL, PAINT, GREASE. REMOVES TAR. OIL, PAINT, GMBABE. FROM FURNITURE, CLOTH, 0 NOT BUY COMMON BENZINE. See the word COLLAS on the Label and ( Which is the original. Extra refined. After using it becomes quite odourless, BENZINE COLLAS.—Ask for “ Collas” ration, and the no other Salocusas here, 6., Is., and ls. 7d, per bottle. Agents: J. Savors Stam Wieteeen_oulen at.,W. DINNEFORD'S MACNESIA . For ACIDITY or rue STOMACH, HEARTBURN. HBADAC ey GOUT, and 4 IN DIGEST ION, 4 throughout the

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Jung 18, 1898. = —— — ae DU BARRY’S REVALENTA FooD|MARTELL’S Zz: | ASKED FOR. Cures All disorders of the Stomach ana Rowels, the Blood, the Nerves, Lungs, Liver, Voice, and Breath—such as Cun- stipation, Dyspepsia, indigestion, Consumption, Diarrhea, Dysentery, Bronchitis, Influenza, Acidity, Heartburn, Phiegm, Flatulency, Feverish Breath, Nervous, Bilious, Pulmonary, Glandular, Kidney and Liver Complaints, Debility, Cough, Asthma, all Fevers, Spasms, Impurities and Poverty of the Blood, Ague; Rheumatism, Gout ; Nausea and Vomiting ; Eruptions, Sleeplessness, Atrophy, Wasting in Adults and Children. 50 years’ invariable suc- cess with old and young, even in the most hopeless cases. 100,000 annual cures. | PRICES.—DU BARRY’S REVALENTA ARABICA suitably packed for all i! climates. In Tins of } Ib. at 29.; 1 Ib., 3s. 6d.; 21b., Ge. ; 6 Ib., 14s.; 12 Ib., 32s.; 24 lb., 0s.; or about 2d. per meal. All Tins carriage free at home and in France. —BLUE AND SILVER LABEL— Also DU BARPY’S TONIC REVALENTA BISCUITS ensure sleep and nervou energy to the most restless and enfeebled. In Tins, 1 ib. Be. Gd.: 2 ib. fie. DU THE ONLY CENUINE. | y BARRY ANd CO. (Limited), 77, Regent Street, London, W.; 14, Rue de Castiglione, Paris; 50, Rue du Rhine, Geneva; and of all Grocers and Chemists in every part of the world. Crosse &L Beware of Imitations. Blackwell’s a PURE diy, He UF rity, Ge ° | MALT VINEGAR | ~ rec Is sold in imperial pint and quart bottles | 54 U ge BY ALL GROCERS AND STORES. | OBSERVE THE SIGNATURE ON THE WRAPPER Vinegar Brewery:—BREWERY ROAD, LONDON, | AND LABEL os pam Py ee gy my png ty Ry egy Ol gay pen eg ee SaTiLsaRnHnoaAwyY. zcewvaeek ow namest ee