Punch 1898-05-07: Vol 114 Iss 2965

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PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, LONDON,

Registered at the General Post Office as a Newspaper. Va PRICE THREE PENCE. @@ NOTICE.— Communications or Contributions, whether MS.. Printed Matter. Drawinrs or Pictures of any description. will not be returned uniets

WHISKY and “SCHWEPPE.” Sc HWEPPES BRANDY and “SCHWEPPE.”

accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper.

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HOWARD BEDFORD bad Ploughs, Harrows, Cultivators, Haymakers, Horse Rakes, Straw Trussers, Mowers, Hay Presses, | Oil Engines, & Light ilways.

| i a el ELLIMAN'S? ela ahi

Mc Ml lan.

AS (tame SOUTHWARK STREET, 8.E.

MAPPIN & WEBB'S DRESSING BAGS.

BUTTER-SCOTG be Celsteated Sweet for Children, ally, whotiscmt yee Confistionangy yp THE FAMOUS The English

RANSOMES’ NEW DESIGNS lence. Isa revela- NEW PATTERNS, = tion to ag —_ SENT ANT have only wsec — novements the big, clumsy - ones in use. Now in use by thou- LAWN MOWERS tn de of delighted 4 5 5 shavers. PRICE: — ey ~+ + 86 THE BEST iw tHe WORLD. vory ... 36 * PATENT AUTOMATON - chain or wheel Pain ow Case Black .. 7/6 Ivory ... 8/6 gearing, “ ANGLO - PARIS, “ LION, and MAB” Co., 73, Newhall St., Birmingham. HOKMSE AND PONY MOWERS in all size C t | | U | A R. City Agent: C. Cummewrs, 42c, Old Broad St., E.(

All Machines sent on a Month's Free Trial anc Carriage Paid. Sold by all Lronmongers ANSOMES, SIMS & JEFFERIES, L4.,‘prwich DRESS SHIRTS. HEALTHIEST axp BEST ror EVENING WEAR IUustrated Price Liat of full range of Cellular Goods for Men, Women, and Children, sent post free on application, OLIVER BKOTH ERS, Ltd., 3, New Bond St., W OLIVER KROTH ERS, Ltd. 417, Oxford Street, W ROBERT SCOTT, Ltd, 4 and 15, Poultry, E.t And Agents in all Towns in the United Kingdom See Price List for Names, BLO CK POUDRE D'AMOUR Prepared by Picard Fréres, Parfumeurs. A TOILET POWDER ron THE COMPLEXION,

“FOR THE BLOOD 1S THE LIFE.” CLARKE’S WORLD-FAMED BLOOD MIXTURE Is warranted to cleanse the blood from all impurities, from whatever cause amine. For Scrofula, Scurvy, Eczema, Bad I For the Nursery Skin and Blood Diseases, Pimples and Roughness 4 of the Skin, Sores of all kinds, its effects are mar- After Shaving, &c. velious. It is the only real specific for Gout and Rheumatic Pains, for it removes PURE AND HARMLESS. |the canse from the blood and bones BLANCHE, NATURELLE, RACHEL, 1s. | Thousands of wonderful cures have been | effected by it. In bottles, 2s. 9d. and 11s. each, of Chemists everywhere. BEWARE OF WORTHLESS IMITATIONS. Of PERFUMERS, CHEMISTS, & Wholesale, R. HOVENDEN & SONS, BRerners Street, W., and City Road, E.C., London

£21 WHITSUNTIDE Cruise Razor, excel- |

| Gop kK Oitver mud DCI cases with boxes of iN), bearing the regis rade mark S.Mordan xCs ean be oblained f rem oll Jewellers & Stationers —

= TO THE NORTHERN CAPITALS. St. Petersburg, Stockhulm, Cpeteee Christiania, a by CON -. PEROWNE, on 8.8. “St. Rognvald, twenty-four days. For plan and details apply Secretary, 5, Endsleigh Gardens, Euston, London, N.W. £6 Gs, GENEVA TOUR, 9 Days, * Extensions ty Chamoun Mont Blanc ,, Zermatt Matterhorn), St. Gothard, Oberland, et Lecturers, Sir Robert hall, Mr. Edward Wymper, br Laan. De eo weekly from May 10. Details from Secretary, 5, Endsleigh Grdns.,Ruston, London, \ W ; ’ : Orient Company's Pleasure Cruise by their Steamship “ Lusitania,” 3,912 tons register, from London 15th June, Leith 17th June, to the finest FIORDS in NORWAY, and the NORTH CAPE (for Midnight Sun, | arriving back in London 11th July. Other Cruises to follow. High-class cuixine, string band, electric light Managers, F. Green & Co., Anderson, Ander- son & Co. Head Office: Fenchurch ‘Avenue, | For passage apply to the latter firm at 5, Fen- | church Avenue, London, E.C., or to the Wet End Branch Office, 16, Cockspur Street, 8.W HOTEL METROPOLE, BRIGHTON. “ The finest and most luxurious Seaside Hotel in the World.” Charges Moderate. Proprietors : THE CORDON HOTELS, LTD. | ()RIENTAL CARPETS. RIENTAL CARPETS. RIENTAL CARPETS. TRELOAR’S LISTS OF SPECIAL SHIPMENTS. TRELOAR & SONS, LUDGATE HILL. Ask for Catalogue. HOWARD'S PARQUET FLOORS d. From 3 per foot. Finest quality produced. Solid Oak Wall Panelling from 2s. 64. per foot, 25, 26, & 27, BERNERS STREET, W. “pUNCH” is being set up every week by LINOTYPE COMPOSING MACHINES. CIGARES,.JOY (Joy's Cigarettes) Immediately Relieve ASTHMA, WHEEZING, CHRONIC BRONCHITIS All Chemists, box or Post = a a Marcimses sar Bt, London

(AL SAMPLE race |

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| May 7, 1898.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. UNCONSCIOUS HUMOUR AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY! by f Ming Tadvma Wht \ . \ On Wie Switchback will, Curate ' Wt A ANN yi 625 At te Widut Sovthar § dog +o"0 ma law, uf ts 2udec lUsh. Cruckel om “Play!” Movwuback (Menty of mem im Tae ZOE ia es Duocesan Pullman (Morning Sevurct) ' a, S me down lates See » by Ea Validlew « stip) LIAM iy by Solomon J — Y o fa . 7. — = € ge?) %» = aa {Wiha . = = ag hf bu / r Wy \ yi WW i +f \, / t Se ig, / yp “WZ Un bo jf oy Su IN FUTURO. _{‘* Students at the University of Freiburg are to be insured in the sum of £750 against accidents within the academic precincts.””—New York Critic. AFTER perusing the above, Mr. Punch cast his prophetic eye down the columns of the Times, where he read the following advertisements :— ( ‘HRIst CHURCH, OXFORD.—Matriculation at this Col- / lege insures an Undergraduate against measles, hooping- cough, scarlatina, twins, and railway accidents. Wwe WANTS A BICYCLE? —A brand-new, first-grade ‘Swallow,” listed at £28, complete with lamp, bell, pamp, and ball-bearings throughout, is to be givenaway! All you have to do is to enter yourself as a gentleman commoner at Trinity College, Cambridge. The above beautiful machine will be sent, post free, to every applicant on receipt of £30 as caution money. ] OUBLE ADVANTAGE.—Why not insure your life at the University of London, and at the same time get a degree ’ VOL, CXIV,

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| | | | 206 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (May 7, 1898, - Pack Pemises and (of tregs ai alich ' 1 Ginenandey bitdls Repos 356° Wamlad - A lutth: Gu of | iw ea - Nansen for the suns! | ‘ 4° ° t - Quark ty HWE Xind Quarks if Danis oa Ex THE PICK OF THE PICTURES. WaLk up! Walk up! Refer to Mr. Punch’s Notes before | opening your catalogue. Now— | No 25. "Tis by Husert Herkomer, R.A., therefore it | must be a first-rate work. (Va va sans dire. But who is it? Is) he a Bishop?’ a Chancellor? or a Queen’s Counsel? Lace all about him. Some more lace, perhaps a cap, on table at his elbow. He (whoever it may be) is saying to himself, ‘‘ Shall I put iton’” The reply must be, ‘If the lace cap fits, wear it.” Catalogue says ‘tis “‘ Mr. Littler, Q.0.” “LATTLER” is a persona grata.” By the way, while on the subject, just drop into Gallery No. 3, and look at No. 189. Encore Heakomer, R.A. Admirable! ‘A Tight Fit.” Here is more lace, and of a very superior quality to that worn by the gentleman who hangs out at No. 23. Judging by the expression of the unfortunate individual's countenance, he is sadly regretting his happy home, his easy smoking-jacket, and comfortable slippers. No. 76. ** The Turned Head.” By Miuttet. An uncommonly stiff-necked Puritan, who has got his head so awry that nothing but a surgical operation will ever restore it to its normal position. No. 138. Here, Mr. Epwioy Assgy, A., with great wealth | of colour, shows how an obstinate young lady in yellow and green | refuses to learn a new step which an sled dnming-Gieintes is smilingly insisting on teaching her. As the recalcitrant damsel | is inclined to turn nasty and say rude things, she is being coaxed away by a gentleman with a glorified pincushion on his head. A hound, quite ashamed of the proceedings, is going away in the wake of an exhausted pupil, who, having finished her lesson, is being led out, staggering. It will probably be as popular as is the artist himself, for, say his admirers to him, ‘‘ What’s the odds as long as you're ABBEY ?” No. 152. By Stanmore A. Forpes, A. Little child who has been playing, during service time, in the churchyard, is pursued by the sexton, and caught by her grandmother, who is coming out with her prayer-book. Little girl evidently has no tara- diddle ready. Pathetic picture. Notice the remarkable roof of the church, apparently formed out of one solid piece of slate ! ! | No. 198. ‘Tais will be the pictare of the year. If it isn’t, ‘‘ we’re | another,” that’s all. Three cheers for the ‘‘ Bits of rare Old Chelsea,” here collected and exhibited by Hupert HerKkomer, K.A. ‘God save the Queen!” shout the soldiers of the ‘‘ Old Guard” o1 Jubilee Day; and the colour of their coats, of their left hands and of the drapery, signifies their ‘‘ reddiness” once | more to serve their Queen and Country! “ Rouge gagne!” No, 222. Dealighted to welcome the work of the President, Sir kK. J. Poywrer, P.R.A. A Dancing Girl in a Marble Hall. The catalogued number of the work is its best description, No. 222. Yes! as the slang of the Asthetes used to have it, ‘‘ J¢ is quite Too two two! !” No. 233. Portrait of a Gentleman, who explains his sad case thus :—‘‘ My wife says, that even on a hot summer day I must not stand to an artist to have my portrait painted unless I wear my thick fur-trimmed overcoat.” H.T. Weis, R.A. “ Done in Oil Wells.” No. 243. ‘* Dangsrous Practical Joke.” Gentleman fast asleep, with head and arms on table, decanter emptied. Disgraceful, of ce yurse ; but the lady, ay annoyed, is not justified in her attempt to draw his chair away suddenly. and bring him to the und. One glance at the colouring will show that it comes rom the hand of the master, W. Q. OrcHarpson, R.A. No. 228. Charming portrait. But why this dissatisfied expres- sion when being painted by OrcHaRDsoN? ‘Oh, smile as thou wert wont to smile!” No, 258. Who is it? At first glance, without reference to guide, it will be probably taken for a very indifferent present- ment of H.R.H. Prince of WaLEs figuring, it may be, in some official costume proper to his dignity as Duke of CorNnwa_t, allowance being made for the colour of the robe detracting from the facial resemblance, just as ‘‘ circumstances alter cases’’; but if it isn’t, who is it? [For solution of puzzle, refer to guide, No. 258; ask for No. 258, and see that you get it, as on Press- view Day it was labelled No. 237, which is Mr. BRaMLEy’s portrait of ‘‘ A Sadler” (not a bit leathery, but he is very much “up in the stirrups”), while No. 258 is Lord MmLeton, by WALTER Urwick, who has not employed much ‘ middle tone” in this yicture. No. $0 “«* Poppy’ Lind.” Lady, after picnic lunch and plenty of ‘‘ Pop,” somehow wanders away, and gets holds of a seythe. Sbe has her eyes shut to her danger, and a Pickwickian smile illuminates her countenance. She “cuts a pretty re” — es she will do, pretty severely too, if that scythe isa’t taken away from her. H. A. OLIvieEr. No. 347. Represents a trial at Quarter Sessions in the old Justice-room of the very ancieat Town Hall of Sandwich. No one, but the veriest Goth, could possibly have wanted this splendid old oak-panelling painted and varnished! One would as soon have it white-washed all over. But H. We(GaLt has done it, ‘‘to order” presumably, and immortalised himself by his life- like representation of the gas-chandelier overhead. No. 343. Portrait of John Aird, Esq., by Luke Fivvgs, R.A. So magnificent a beard ought to have been treated by Hubert Hatr-comBer, R.A. "Tis a masterly portrait. The only fault is that instead of being full length it is Kit-Cat. Now, all who know the genial and hearty Jouw Armp, M.P., must feel

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May 7, 1898.] that, on this occasion, they can't see enough of him. like the Pard.” ’tis admirable, so far as it goes. No. 346. Charming girl’s portrait, by G. H. Bovcnron, R.A. But oughtn’t the drill instructor to have been called in to give the word of command, ‘‘ Eyes right ” ? No. 403. Oh! How the ladies will alllike this!! ‘‘ Here’sa pretty baby boy!” ‘‘Such a sweet little pink of perfection-faced cherub!” ‘‘O, the Ticksy Wicksy Wee! Pooty ’itty sing! He shall have a nice gold chain and a medal to play with, he shall, the blessed little dear !”’ And who is the clever artist whose child this picture is? Why, Soromon J. Soromon, A. And who is the smiling cherub. . . . Whyit’s. . . . Heavens! ** Sir George Faudel Phillips, Bart., G.C.I.E.” ‘* May he live long and brosber .” No. 414. Portrait of Anderson Critchett, Esq., M.A. and | F.R.C.S., by Frepk. Goopatn, R.A. Capital likeness of |“ Handy Andy,” the Oculist, who deserves to be treated by a Master of "Eye Art. Hope the portrait’s health will improve | during the season, but, it looks very delicate. No. 445. By Perer Granam, R.A. (‘‘ Rear Admiral”). This ancient mariner is never more at home than when he’s at sea! | Yeo ho, my lads, tack a bit, and steer round to No. 448. By Jonw Brett, A., another sea-piece. Here are | two ‘‘ variations in OC”; No. 445 is C major, and No. 448 C. minor. No. 458. Picture by Mary Groves. Three children about to sing to an organ accompaniment. We should have called it ‘‘ 4 | Threatening Squall.” Tell that to the marine-painters. | No. 603. Marvellous painting is this ‘‘ portrait of a shentle- | man,” by Jonn 8. Sarcent, R.A. This “Sargent” of the R.A., who has done so much to raise himself from the ranks, most assuredly deserves a ‘‘ commission”; and that he has plenty of such ‘‘ commissions” as he desires and deserves, is evidenced by what he exhibits in this year’s show. Look at this No.603. Mr. | MASHER WERTHEIMER and his poodle; the master with his tongue | in his cheek, the faithful quadruped with his tongue out. ‘Sly dogs both.” The master has evidently just concluded a first-rate bargain, and the “little dog Jaughs to see such fun!” MAsHER | ARTHEIMER himself is a veritable objet d’art. No. 609. How superlatively disdainful of No. 603 appears ‘‘ 7'he | Chairman of the P. & O. Steam Navigation Company,” as, with | tip-tilted nose, he tries to walk out of his frame in order to inform the admiring spectators that, though he and No. 603 own the same art-parent in Colour-SarGENT, R.A., yet that he, Sir THomas, has no connection with the gentleman at No. 603, although, here, they are in the same line. Bravissimo ! No. 628. Mr. Gzo. 8S. WaTsor shows us a reverend gentleman who has fallen fast asleep in his chair while preparing his sermon, thus probably anticipating the effect of his own preaching on to- morrow’s congregation. In the next room, only separated from him by a strip of canvas, is | No. 623. M. Cart Brerrensrern, struggling with a violin- cello, and evidently saying to himself. “I’m an ‘aggrieved | parishioner!’ J’/i wake him uv!” TT. Brake WEIGMAN. Advice. If you find the plece becoming too warm and But, ‘‘ bearded No. 626. “ stuffy,” just go and spend a quiet five minutes in front of this picture by Mr. Josepn Farqunarson. He calls it “The Weary Waste of Snows,” but there’s no waste here. Happy the purchaser who can buy these “ nives” for anything like “Niz.” No. 959. And here’s another, by Taomas SomerscaLes. Not snow, but sea. There’s a warning breeze, and the sky is be- coming overclouded! Get away as quickly as you can, and take this picture with you. Unhook it, and hook it. No. 645. Miss Heten Criptanp very cleverly depicts ‘* Distraction in Church.” During solemn rervice a naughty boy has caught sight of a beetle (not shown in picture), which he is evidently longing to pick up and throw at two small children who have also seen it, and are dreadfully frightened. ScuLPTURE. The Committee of Arrangement is to be congratulated on the placing of the statues. First— _“ The Statuary Quadrille,” as intended to be performed by Nos. 1967, 1963, 1965, and 1961, respectively sculptured by AnpREA ©. Lucnest, Wittiam R. Corron, THomas Brock, R.A., and ALFRED Drury. No. 1967 is a gentlemanly savage ‘“‘ setting,” with a war-dance step, en cavalier seul, to No. 1962, a lady who refuses to take any notice of him until she has finished measuring her waist with a tape, and given the necessary instructions to her dressmaker. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. TURTLE-DOVETAILING. [‘* The latest development of phrenological enterprise is the establishment of a phrenological matrimonial bureau, to secure the introduction of persons desiring to be married to partners with suitable or harmonious phrenological endowments.’’— Daily Paper.] Miss Evergreen (who has been introduced to Mr. Slowboy). “‘ Wei, MAY BE A LOVELY HEAD, BUT AIN'T HE GoT A BIG Bump or Cau TIousNESS |” 1 her work by the quite Nor is her attention to be distracted fron uncalled-for blandishments bestowed on her by quite an outsider, who is a dark-green gentleman ‘‘ mid noddings on” (No. 1694, F. W. Pomeroy), who, holding up a ccocoa-nut by ite hair, is saying, ‘‘ See what I’ve won at three shies a penny! Come and have a bit!” The third party in the quadrille, No. 1965, is so ashamed of her position that ehe caste down her eyes demurely, and refuses to notice the signs made to her by the other lady, No. 1961, who is waving a torch. Had these four appeared at a Covent Garden ball, they would have been ejected by the police. No. 1895. ‘‘ Rather Out of It.” A statuette, very perfectly executed, of Field-Marshal Viscount Woiszizy, K.P. (‘‘ Kor- nered! Pah!”), who is casting an envious glance towards the ition of No. 1962. F.-M. Lord Roberts (Harny Bares, A.), who, though much reduced in bronze, is mounted on a charger (with a tricky head), and is quite en évidence. ve No. 1820. Beauty, quite unadorned, mclining on a tree. “ Sl on a Branch Line.” Go, COWELL. No. 1934. Bust of a gentleman very much annoyed because his bath sponge will cling to his chin. Onstow Forp, R.A. No. 1852. Enthusiast of “cup and ball.” Must practice every morning before dressing. FLORENCE PARKINSON. - No more time or space for further hints to all about to visit the R.A., which, on the whole, is as good as any previous show, and in some respects (herein notified), a great deal better. Nor an Uncommon Disease. — London ‘‘ jumps” from Kentish ‘‘ hops.”

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gjy LAOHLIM NO LAO LNVO ATHL ‘UVM, UO BOVaG j VHY., °(°407) 2909 bury ‘SV3S 3HL JO ONIX SHL (May 7, 1898, | 4) ——S—— A ES ~ g, F ’ SS i ’ are . enka \\\\Y . by ae — > - “ o,°.? CSS 4 \ * : - - As S553. — So 3: a | El Cra a iif ——— ———= ee = =. : cs ners” = — = Ss. '! ft, tt vi PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 920OR

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May 7, 1898.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. NON-CONTENTS BILLS. Dear Mr. Puncn,—I am much inte- | rested in the American-Spanish War, and rush for my evening papers with the avi- dity of a chicken after flies. And I so | admire their contents bills that I venture to give a few specimens. “THE LINKMAN. Rumoured GREAT NAVAL BATTLE Expected. THE SPITFIRE. Approaching BOMBARDMENT OF HAVANA. THE NIGHTJAR. HORRIBLE MASSACRE AT MANILA Anticipated. By Our SpectaAL CoRRESPONDENT. THE CONSTELLATION. EXTRA SPECIAL. BLOWING UP OF A SPANISH BATTLE-SHIP Not confirmed. THE GIMLET. CALLANT CAPTURE OF NINETY-EICHT AMERICAN MEN-OF-WAR ‘s Spars. Such, Sir, are some of the lurid adver- tisements which nightly attract coppers from my pocket when “ the , are low.” I do not complain, because, like the sheep- dog, I am getting used to the cry of “Wolf!” ours pacifically, Netson O’Hicorns Brown. Bird's Eye Hotel, W. “DUM DEFLUAT AMNIS.” [The Spanish-American war is likely to have a depressing effect on the book-trade.— Daily Paper.) PHYLLIS, when you ask me why Nobody my books will buy ; Why each masterpiece of thought, With consummate genius wrovght, No one asks at book-shops for, ‘Tis undoubtedly, the war. "Twas the same a year ago. When the reason then you ’d know, I replied: the cause must be The confounded Jubilee ; Further back I traced a like Slump to the infernal bike. Ever thus from year to year Patiently I persevere ; With my most uncalled-for rhymes, Still I wait for normal times— Still from year to year detect Some fresh cause for my neglect. THE CURRENT LANGUAGE oF FLoURS.— s a it all! bread up another halfpenny a ! ” ‘I say, "Anry, pon’r WE LOOK Fricuts!” BRAVO, BRIGHTON ! [The Brighton Town Council pro byc-law, prohibiting “any loud an outery or noise ’’ in the streets.] “ Brrrons never will be slaves,” So we bear with touting, Bawling hawkers, rogues and knaves, Loudly shouting. Harmless, tinkling muffin bells We have for ever. Would we c discordant yells ” Never, never ! Freedom we must all enjoy, That no laws can smo ‘ We 're entitled to annoy One another. ~~ a new continuous | So the law protects the one, Yelling when he need not, But the thousand he may stun It will heed not. Bravo, Brighton, lead the way, London might follow, Check the voices which, all day, Howl and hollo. Neither you nor I would seek To discourage selling ; Fair to all, let hawkers speak, No one yelling. May you get your bye-law pessed, Helping to enlighten Other English towns at last. Bravo, Brighton!

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (May 7, 1898. Rector (short-sighted). ‘‘ Weir, RicHanp,? HARD AT WORK, EH? Lahourer. ‘“No, Str, O1 ne Jonux, Sir. Yor LET ME SEE, You ARE RICHARD, AREN'T you?” ‘AD THE PLEASURE O° BURYIN' RICHARD LAST WEEK, YOU REMEMBER, Sir!” A “ PREVIOUS" ENGAGEMENT. f a a (‘commissioner with the Winni Side [He Captain stood upon the ship And rolled his eagle eye ; Seaward he gazed, then boldly raised His phonoblast on high ; My tars!” he said, ‘‘ the time has come For us to do or die' ‘ This naval war has been in hand Some half-an-hour or more, And the patriot Press by now, I guess, Blasphemes along the shore, Waiting for us to paint the deep Pink with the foeman’s gore. They want their copy within the hour, And a good half-hour has gone ; And a private ark is the only mark Our guns have been trained upon ; \ ten-cent tub that wasn’t aware Chat a war was going on. ‘* Now the Nation's Press is a whole-souled crew, And it don’t like fooling around ; And I’m blamed if I know (to an ocean or 80 \ Where the enemy's fleet is bound ; But, top-side up or the other way on, That fleet has got to be found. ‘y | ‘*Shin up, shin up the various ropes | And look with all your might; And let me hear if things appear | To be likely to loom in sight.” | He ceased. and worked his weather orb, | Closing the other tight. Scarce had the cook got lashed aloft When he made a useful find :— ‘*Oho!” said he, ‘“‘ what’s this I see Right aft ? ’—that is, behind— ** T calculate it’s a man-o’-war, Or something of the kind.” The skipper raked the spot and spoke :— ‘*T reckon that that is so ; And don’t you make no darned mistake, We boss this little show; So bank the fires eternal high And let her fairly go.” A shout ensued: the stokers heard, And they came up fizzling hot ; Each mother’s son embraced a gun And be to have a shot; To teach the foe a thing or two, And also what was what. | Nearing, they spied a friendly flag, But they never eased nor checked ; ‘* May I be dead,” the Captain said, ‘* If that is all correct ; So get your range on the starboard port” | (Or words to that effect). For*joyjthe steward reeled to leeward,’ A warrior born was he; And the bo’sun’s eyes as he sampled the prize Shone with a fearful glee, With a light, you bet, that was never yet} j Remarked on land or sea. * * * - . The signals flew, the cable flashed, And the country felt the thrill, When the probable rout of the enemy’s scout Blazed in the evening bill,— Just as the neutral ship steamed in To her haven under the hill. An Imperial Question. Jawkins (in the smoking-room of the Bathos Club, referring to the Far Eastern | crisis). I say the whole matter rests with | the German Emperor! Pawkins. And I repeat that the parti- tion of the Celestial Empire solely con- cerns the Emperor of Russa! Cawkins. Or the Emperor of Japan! Little Hawkins (timidly). But what about the Emperor of Cara? Jawkins (impressively). And who the dickens is the Emperor of Curna, Sir? [Sudden stoppage in the conversation.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—May 7, 1898. DASA \‘ AN \ ALAN | \ STR CNN N AAS DANS > ON IAN boat PAP AANY TVA N gepayseee? ; hy NN Id N" ~ a oor HONOUR A LA RUSSE. Brit so Lion. “ WHAT! NOT COME IN HERE! WHY, YOU GAVE ME YOUR WORD!” Russian Bear. ‘‘ MY FRIEND! HOW YOU MISUNDERSTAND ME!” Brrriso Lion. ‘DO I! ALL RIGHT! NEVER NO MORE!”

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| Triumph—but they mostly run as per fol- | May 7, 1898.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR NOVELTIES IN LADIES’ pe uf ro, a The Cottage Loaf. The Roman Lamp. The Number 8. The Shower’ Bath. COIFFURES. The Gondola. DARBY JONES ON THE CHESTER CUP. Honovrep Sre,—I think that You and my other Esteemed Patrons may assuredly Real Prim- | mark Wednesday, April 27 as a | ross Day, when my Straight-out Selection, | Disraeli, romped in for the Guineas at | Newmarket. It was ordained that Mr. Punch and his humble satellite, D. J., should be the Onty foretellers of the victory of Mr. WaLLace JomNsTONE’s bay colt at the remunerative odds of 100 to 12. In all modesty I can only repeat the ancient Roman adage, Palmam qui meruit ferat, which, you being a Public School and University Scholar, I need not translate for the edification of those only acquainted with the Vulgar Tongue. As usual, the customary acknowledgments of my Pre- science are not to hand. The Diamond Rings, the Cases of Champagne, the Boxes of choice Cigars, and, above all, the Cheer- ful Cheques, which we welcome in our progress over the Hunting Oountry of Life, are all wanting. But, like the Flying Dutchman (the Mariner, not the Quad- ruped), I still intend to circumnavigate (if that be the correct definition) the Cape of Good Hope. It is true that I have received several communications ing our Joint Success—this reads like a Culinary | lowing sample :— “Dear Srea,—Seeing that you have picked the winner of the Two Thousand Guineas, we should be glad if you would settle at your earliest conve- nience our bill against you of £23 14s, 2d., other- | | wise,”’ &. A plague on such sordid minds! through your inestimable Agency a Boon for | which they might have waited during Years | of Tears. I give them My All—My Brains | —and nevertheless they bom me as | though they were the American Fleet and I Havana or Manila. But in the politest a terms let me turn the minstrel on to| the Roodee. ‘Charge, CHESTER, c is my motto, and Chester will undoubtedly wp during this week. Let me alleviate the pecuniary difficulties of visitors to the Heredi ey Siete of H.R.H. the Heir Apparent by singing— North American Coast I will shun, And the Maid with a smile not advise, But the Aster Girl may with a run Be the tip that is for the wise. Yet I cannot forget the Reed May figure between 1 and 3, And rlestown may take a long lead ; But I'll swim with the Man of the Sea. So, my noble sportsmen, weather the Did I | not bestow on them by the Gift of Prophecy | ‘storm in your Appropriate Jerseys, and | trust to the Double-sighted Glasses of my | August Employer and His and Your low- lying, but truthful, — Recluse, ARBY JONES. | [From what we learn, D. J. has, ance Newmarket, | developed into a very ron | Turf butterfly. We are | not surprised, but earnestly entreat any rtsmen | of his uaintance to impress upon him that even a Purple Emperor or Camberwell Beauty originally owes its origin to Grub Street.—Ep.] CHEERS FOR THE “‘ QuEEN’s.””—Queen’s College, London, this week has been cele- | brating the jubilee of its foundation. This, the pioneer of Nuneham and Girton, proudly claims to be first of those homes of ‘‘sweet girl graduates,” destined some day to rule the world. Women have but to enter Parliament to govern the House, |as they already reign over the home. In the meanwhile, ‘‘ Queen’s” has only to prosper in the future as it has in the past, and all will be well. Thoughts (without Rhyme). (On reading a review by W. A. of “‘ Plays Plea sant and Unpleasant."’) Wao killed Cock-Snaw ? I, said the AncuEr, With my little long-bow, I killed Cock-Suaw. A SERIOUS MATTER. Grandfather (to Miss Pansy, who is some- what flushed and excited). What's the matter, my pet? Mies Pansy (aged eight). Oh, grandpa, |}me and my kitten have m having the most a row. We've often quarrelled | before and made it up again, but this time we re not on speaking terms. | Nore sy ovr Pourrica, Onserver.— | France having annexed our Sovereign, the | Heir-Apparent, the Duchess of York, and | our Prime Minister, as well as other nota- bilities, will now probably discuss the ques- tion of War or Peace with—Dr. Tannen. We have a few more hostages to good faith still available. Indeed, Mr. Punch, if necessary, would not scruple to leave Lon- | don for the Riviera with a return ticket | guaranteed by President Faure. | One Way of Looking at it. Mr. E. Gotist (at the All-night Club). | This war is deuced hard luck for me, for |I always consume Havana cigars and Vir- ginia tobacco, and now I shall get neither. [Sighs mournfully. | Mr. Cheerybob. Well, anyway, there's | sure to be plenty of smoke somewhere. [E. G. doesn’t see it. Tue most Porputan Fown anovur THis Time or Year.—The Klondyke or Golden Plover, laying eggs gy: three shil- lings a-piece in the market. And, remarks | Darnspy Jongs, the Plover generally lays | | | | | BAD NEWS FROM NATAL. (A Fancy Sketch at tre Zoo.) (The last Hippopotamus has been slaughtered at Natal.) | of toe. five, six, seven, or even eight to one on the Field. Q. What is the difference between a widower recounting his loss and the cry of person ? a gout One is a tale of woe, the other a wail A. Latest Cutnesz Warne.—Willow-willow- waily patterns. DerinttTion OF DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEL- Fish AND Unse_risn Persons.—lI’s and no- I's. CuLInaRY ARGUMENTS NOT RELISHED BY Troe Dervisues.—KitTcHENER’s maxis. Tux Essence or Mopgrn Warrars.— ‘* Coal and commissariat.”

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214 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. (May 7, 1898, THE PATRIOT U.S.A. r of Spanish Poultry. ‘Guess 1'Lt KILL THOSE Fowts, ANYWAY ! According to the Daily Mail, “the hatred for Spaniards has grown so intense among the patriotic farmers of Westchester County, New York State, that they have begun killing all the Spanish fowls which they own. Colonel (ingen, of the Portchester Infantry, says he has killed six Spanish roosters which he owned, and that his neighbours are following his example.””} Heke's three times three for Colonel GREEN And Westchester farmers all ! The bravest patriots ever seen To answer duty’s call! They might not meet the Spanish fleet On the high seas cheek by jowl, So with bowie and knife they began their strife, And slaughtered the Spanish fowl! They avenged the Maine on the farmyard don Who dared in their ears to crow, And his wives and chicks were set upon With many a deadly blow! Een the hapless egg could no quarter beg As it crunched ‘neath the wart heel, And the chick unborn must have known the scorn That all honest patriots feel ! Here 's three times three for Colonel GrEEN And that rooster-elaying band, Who showed the foe what men may mean When threatened their native land ! And the Eegle’s cry well nigh bust the sky As he soared o'er the foreign crew, And in proud Madrid men their faces hid When they learned what Revenge could do! CYCLING CONUNDRUM. Q. What article of the cyclist girl’s attire do a couple of care- lees barbers recall to mind ? A, A pair of nickers. BEAUX ARTS. “*CARAN D’AcHE” is the pseudonym assumed by M. EmmManve. Porrt, just as Hasror K. Brownz was known as “ Patz.” The name is easier to d’ash off in speaking than is Porré; for “D’Acusz,” were it only pronounced ‘‘ Dash” (which it isn’t), would exactly describe the artist's method, or at least that phase of it about which there is so much dash and ‘‘go.” But “‘ D’AcHE” is pronounced ‘‘ darsh” (with a very liquid ‘‘r”), which upsets the simple and unpretentious English-speaking jokelet. What's ina name? Something. And here is something more than a name. Caran D'ACHE is an artist of all work in black and white. We have not yet eeen him in colour. His favourite subject appears to have been the Great NAPOLEON ; specially bis cocked bat and long coat, CaRAN D’ACHE is very fond of ‘‘going Nap,” which is more than any tator will do when seated in front of his caricatures, all distinctly French, and the majority of them not to be easily ‘‘understanded of the people” here though they will be gene- rally appreciated. Some are irresistibly funny; as, for example, the drunken elephant. The arimal tells his own tale—a perform- ance quite urique. His exhibition is at 148, New Bond Street, placed by the artist himself, pictorially, under the special patronage of Mr. Punch. As Caran D’ACHE he is hard to t ; as “Monsieur Porré” he cannot be “ pair’d,” or coupled with anyone. He is unique. FLITTINGS, Pretoria, April 3. Dear Mr. Punce,—If you want to enjoy a quiet Sunday, don’t come here at the time of one of the quarterly Boer nachtmuals, or religious festivals. I sit in a room of the Grand Hotel, with its sfoep overlooking the Church Sqvare. All round the Church, and right up to the Government Buildings, some hundreds of burghers have trekked in from all Ss of the country with their twelve-span ox-waggons, till the place resembles a mixture of a gipsy encampment and a farmyard. The square, I believe, is public property, so four times a year the worthy doppers come to town and thus assert their right of owner- ship. They outspan their cattle, and boil their black pots at the very steps of the Legislature ; and not even «a//e machtig Oom Pav can say them nay. Still, in the day-time, it is a sight most distinctly worth seeing. It is now late at night, but a vigorous chorus is going on, composed chiefly of Boer families chanting most dreary tunes, fcrtissimo and lentissimo, Transvaal babies and dogs trying to out- vell each other, cows lowing, and Kaffirs chattering, until one feels inclined to address them in forcible double-Dutch. Unfortu- nately, I cannot think of any more emphatic epithet than hoedelberedderoar, which I am told means merely bailiff. The 8. A. R. railway authorities cannot be said exactly to welcome the harmless Uitlanders on their arrival from the South at a desolate frontier station called Vereeniging. They are sbunted about for five hours between midnight ard dawn, and at 5.30 a.M. all their belongirgs are turned out on the platform to be minutely overhauled. They are then severally massaged and pommelled all over in the Douane, to see if they conceal any ecle-aee or Mauser-rifles about their person. In spite, how- ever, of all these precautions against any repetition of the Raid, I know of a lady he smuggled a revolver through. wrapped up in a kid-glove, which was actually handled by the unsuspecting Customs-officer as he investigated her dressing-bag. I have shot Oom Pavut (with a camera) as he was leavirg Government Buildings. Unfortunately the usual small boy con- trived to thrust himself into the foreground at the critical moment, so there is another good caricature gone wrong. I am just about to have an audience of the President in his wayside shanty, and hope the old man will not order his ‘‘ Zarps” to take me out to immediate execution for /ése-maj:sté, or highway-snapshooting. However, Pretoria is an excellent place to spend a few minutes at. In spite of all the depression, it seems to be going ahead, and they are running up some fine public buildings, especially the New Law Courts, where Justice (according to Boer ideas) will take up her abode till the last Outlander has been put in ‘‘ tronk,” an¢. Boerdom will reign supreme. Then the Latter Lammas Sittings will be held, and Korze will cease from troubling, and the enivm will be here. Till then, an Englishman can feel at home in the Residency. Yours patriotically, Z. Y. X.

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May 7, 1898.] PUNCH, OR THE' LONDON CHARIVARI. Country Cousin. *‘ WHAT 18 THE MEANING OF THIS, POLICEMAN?” HYDE PARK, MAY |. **DETERIORA SEQUOR.” {* Here, in London, we created the darkness by the innocent process of cooking our mutton chops.” Sir Wyke Bayliss at the R. 8. of B. A.) A FOUL impenetrable cloud _ The blessed light of heaven shuts From your sad visage, like a shroud— Oar Lady of the Smuts; Each arabasque and traceried niche Its all-pervading soot-flakes choke, Daubed to a blackness as of pitch From lurid smoke. Ah! that while filth we broadcast fling, To fall around in grimy drops, Our souls we should be bartering For mutton chops. We yearn and pine for parer air, A London beautiful and bright, Whoss form and colour should be fair— Whose marble white. Thus musing with a heavy heart, Dejectedly we sit and munch; For, though of course we doat on Art— We must have lunch. An AvrgaL To Atus.—London is the richest city in the world, and yet the London Hospital is in a very poor way. During the last two years there has been a deficit of £30,000 in the n income, and now a large capital expenditure has be- come imperative. The domestic arrange- ments require money for improvements; electric lighting is a requisite that cannot be afforded. There is no department, although the work is of the last importance. Then, what can be done? Why, the philan- thropists must wake up and walk up. Legacies are valuable, but bis dat qui cito dat, and post-mortem charity is not nearly so satisfactory as the benefaction of ‘‘ready- money down.” Verbum sap. Ae ae ontgen-ray ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. Tory, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, April 25. Something pathetic about war-worn figure of Car’EN 'lommy Bow Les as he begged EXTRACTED FROM THE Diany oF permission just now to intervene ‘for| moment” in debate on second reading of Evidence in Criminal Cases Bill. It was a lawyers’ night. You might almost hear the rustle of their gowns. The accessories of the scene lent themselves with singular effect to the illusion that we were in the Criminal Court. SPEAKER, in wig and rown, canopied in chair, looked the learned udge to life. At the table below were the clerks, also wigged and gowned. There was the gallery of spectators facing his lordship ; on either side the jury-box rising tier on tier. Nearest approach to prisoner inthe dock was Se t-at-Arms seated in his chair, with innocence written in shining letters on his placid brow. The lawyers kept up the illusion by Constable. ‘‘Lasowur Day, Miss,’ rising in succession from either side and flatly contradicting the reason and the logic laid down earlier by their learned frend. As one star differs from another in glory, so did ALrrep Lyrrevron differ from Bos Rem, Epwarp CLarKke from Tim Heaty, Hempni.y. from the ATToR NEY-GENERAL, and Caxson from them all, Tim, invigorated by touch of his native earth, was in fine form, giving pleasant ripple to long languished debate. Enwakpb CLARKE’s brief speech one of the most finished pieces of oratorical debate heard in House this Session. A mellow voice; perfect elocution ; gestures just enough to enforce argument or illustration ; masterly srray of argument; unfailing lucidity. Quite a gem of a speech. Like other gems moderate in size, Car’en Tommy strayed into this den of lions with the nearest approach to sheep- ishness possible to one of his dauntless build. fe just now chiefly occupied with keeping the nations of the world right in matter of the rights and duties of neutrals in time of war. In question hour others attempt to baffle Ministers with pro- blems elaborated with the assistance of the midnight oil. The Capr’zw listens, and when they have all finished, cute in and finishes the job. This evening Prince Artuur, furnished with papers, success- fully resisted attack male from various uarters. When Car’en Tommy fired a shot across his bows he straightway capi- tulated.

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216 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [May 7, 1898. -«*T’'m afraid,” he said, with that mixed metaphor that bewrays the landsman, ‘that my hon. friend is getting beyond my de ith . The ocean of universal knowledge has no depths the Car’eN cannot plumb. Diving into the debate, on the sea of which bobbed the wigs of luminaries of the Bar, the old salt serenely disported himself, showing | them all how to do it. | Business done.—Evidence in Criminal Cases Bill read a second time by 229 votes against SU. Tuerday.—‘‘ Lest we forget, Lest we forget!” "Twas BasHMEAD-ARTLETT mur- muring his Recessional in the unwilling earof Prince AnTHUR. MaclLean—whose perennial air of having just comfortably dined struck Dr. Ampross the other night, and suggested to him a phrase the SPEAKER prosnptly called on him to withdraw—been wanting to know what the Markiss said when China hinted that she would do any- thing in despite of Russia if assured of British protection? Priovce ArTHuR made haste to disclaim any intention of gua- ranteeing Chinese territory. This was BASHMEAD-ARTLETT’S opportunity, and he seized it by the hair. Been rather quiet of late; said to be suffering remorse for having worried Groroz Curzon into a sick room. This opening to his old haunts irresistible. ‘‘I wish,” he said, ‘‘to ask the right honourable gentleman if he has forgotten the resolution of the House of Commons in which it was declared——” SreaKER down on him like hawk on hapless sparrow. ‘Do I understand, Mr. SPEAKER,” twittered the sparrow, “ that you rule my question out of order.” ‘*OCertainly,” answered the hooded hawk, ‘it is not a request for information, but a speech.” Life in the House of Commons, as BASHMEAD sadly remarked in the sympa- thetic ear of Mr. Patrick O’Brien, would be tolerable only for the SpzaKEn. “Do I forget, dear Tony?” Prince Arruur bitterly said, when, at twenty minutes to eleven p.m., questions being comfortably over, House began business of the sitting, ‘‘I think not. As you are good enough to say, considering the fierce light that beats about my seat in the House of Commons I get along pretty well. But if you ask me how I came to adopt on behalf of the Government the Sheffield knight's resolution affirming the sanctity of Chinese territory, which at the moment Russia and Germany were carving up, I frankly tell you I don’t know. When the lady asked Dr. Jounson why in his dic- tionary he had mixed up the fetlock and the pastern of the horse, he answered short. y ‘ Ignorance, Madame, sheer igno- rance.' If you ask me why we walked into SASHMEAD - ARTLET?T’s clumsy trap, I answer, ‘ Tempo aberration of the tired intellect, dear Tosy. Pure idiocy.’ ” Thureday.—The supernatural quietude that suffuses Committee on Local Govern- ment Bill threatened just now with rupture. Proposal made that County Council may appoint visiting Committee to prisons. JouNnsToN OF BALLYKILBEG moved to insert proviso that no men who had themselves been in gaol should be ap- pointed on visiting Committees. As far as personnel of House of Commons is concerned, this not such sweeping pro- posal as it would have proved fifteen years ago. At that epoch an Irish Member who had not been in prison was rare as snakes in Iceland. For one to make a speech in Parliamentary debate without incthentally alluding to something that happened (or didn’t happen) “ when I was in prison,” was the exception. Different now; only small proportion of present race bear that mark of high distinction. Still, there are some who proudly claim it, as there are families who Sonat irect descent from the comrades of the Conqueror. On behalf of these Joun Dron protested, startling Com- mittee with mention of alleged fact that BALLYKILBEG himself was of the elect. This news to most. Everyone asking what he was ‘‘in for.” Sark says he believes it was forspeaking disrespect fullycfthe Pore. Business done.— Getting on nicely with the Local Government Bull. Friday.—The Markiss on his way home from the Riviera, bringing his sheaves with him in the shape of better health. Every- one glad to hear this. We're all proud of our MArkKIss, in spite of the Legend of Talienwan and some others. In the com- parative leisure of life in the sunny South the Markiss has been sauntering along some of the untrodden ways of SHAKSPEARE. Much struck by passage he came upon in Henry V1., Part L., Act L., Scene 1. “ The Earl of SaLispury craveth supply And hardly keeps his men from mutiny.” ** Supply is all right,” says the MARKIss, ‘*thanks to St. MicHagL. Much charmed Sir Micawber Hicks-Beach. “ Annual income twenty pounds ; annual expenditure nineteen nine- teen six ; result happiness!’ when reading his speech on the Budget to find with what art he took credit for a government which, finding the national revenue steadily growing, increases, pari usu, the expenditure, being careful to _ the balance just on the right side, so they may boast that, having spent run into debt. Principle not new, of course, Mr. Micawber long ago formu- lated it. ‘Annual income twenty pounds; annual expenditure nineteen nineteen six ; result happiness.’ But it’s one thing to recognise a truth, quite another to embody it in practice. The first line of the quota- tion 1s all right as far as the latest suc- cessor to the Earldom of SHREWSBURY is concerned: t’other is startlingly appro- wiate. Must hasten home and make a - examples. Shall swing Tommy Bow es from the yard-arm; drown YERBURGH in the biggest butt of wine to be found in the Junior Carlton's cellar; and, if the Lords show any sign of joining the revolt, I’ll make BaSHMEAD-ARTLETT a peer.” Busiress done.—Discussion on the Mar- Kiss’s foreign policy. MAHMOUD EXPLAINS WHY HE LOST THE BATTLE OF ATBARA. CHIEFLY BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WIN. THE PROPER POSITION FoR A GENERAL WHEN THE FIGHT BEGINS. THE ADVANTAGES OF BEING UNDER THE Bep. “No,” observed Mahmoud to the inter- viewer, contemplatively hitting his A. D.C. over the head with a brick, ‘‘ the reason you won was that I lost. Simple, isn’t it ? And curious, too, because your English soldiers can’t fight for nuts. Your infantry is wholly useless, and your cavalry in- finitely worse. You ask me, ‘ Did the British artillery do us any harm?’ Not the least bit in the world; they killed no- body. “he fact is, your big are nothing like ours; and your artillerymen can’t shoot straight. ‘ Then, why were we defeated ?? you say. Well—er—Oh, I really don't quite know. Seems funny, don’t it? Our men are all magnificent soldiers, from me downwards— i me. You say you saw part of our cay bolt as your troops approached? Ah, that was all my artfulness! I did it on pur- pose, so that you shouldn't have a chance to steal our horses! See?” Then, draw- ing himself up proudly, he exclaimed, “‘ No, I did not run away. I am not a woman. As to hiding under the bed, where else, I should like to know, ought a General to be? They should —y 4 take up a ition there; then you know where to nd them. I first gave orders as to the isposition of my troops, —. then, prudently, ‘did a guy.’ on’t your See get a beds ~~. = shooti ins ? ’m, very fooli ee _ themselves to fire ; the might get hurt. J never do. Had known you possessed so many soldiers, I should, of course, have brought more ; but that, being a Dervish Bank Holiday, I had allowed half my cavalry to go to their annual Beanfeast. No more at present. Adoo!”’ ‘* Come, Kate, thou art perfect /” As of course she was. ‘‘ You have witchcraft in your lips, KaTe!” as Master WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE hath it; and so, with these two quotations from the Bard, doth Mr. Punch heartily weleoome Miss Katz TERRY within a fraction of all, they have not/|on her return to the stage.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—May 7, 1898. *No Voice however feeble lifted up for Truth Ever Dies.’— Whittier. HUI MAN NOBLENESS (17 PGton Of Tn0nNe f coe O world! O men! what are ye, and our best designs, That we must work by crime to punish crime, And slay as if death had but this one gate ?—/yrow. ‘In Life’s Play the Player of the Other Side is hidden from us. We know that his play is always Fair, Just, and Patient, and we also know to Our Cost that he never Overiooks a Mistake. Jt's for you to find out WH Lut a BARS ARE BUXLED,’ —Huzley. DESTINY, or to Live for this Day ONLY. THE COST OF WAR.—‘GIVE ME THE MONEY that has been SPENT in WAR and I will PURCHASE EVERY FOOT of LAND upon the GLOBE ; I WILL CLOTHE every MAN, WOMAN, and CHILD in an attire of which KINGS and QUEENS would be proud; | WILL BUILD a SCHOOL-HOUSE on EVERY HILL-SIDE and in every valley over the whole earth ; 1 WILL BUILD an ACADEMY in EVERY TOWN, and endow it, a college in every state, and will fill it with able professors; I WILL CROWN every hill with a PLACE OF WORSHIP consecrated to the promulgation of the GOSPEL OF PEACE; I will support in every pulpit an able teacher of righteousness, so that on every Sabbath morning the chime on one hill should answer the chime on another round the earth's wide circumference, and the VOICK OF PRAYER and the SONG OF PRAISE should ascend like a UNIVERSAL HOLOCAUST to HEAVEN.'’—Richard. Why All this Toil and Strife? There is Room enough for All. WHAT IS TEN THOUSAND TIMES MORE TERRIBLE THAN REVOLUTION OR WARP | WILL TELL YOU WHAT IS TEN TIMES and TEN THOUSAND TIMES MORE TERRIBLE THAN WAR—OUTRAGED NATURE !! SHE KILLS AND KILLS, and is NEVER TIRED OF KILLING TILL SHE HAS TAUGHT MAN THE TERRIBLE LESSON HE I8 80 SLOW lf) LEARN, THAT NATURE IS ONLY CONQUERED BY OBEYING HER. .. . Man has his courtesies of war—he spares the woman and the child ; t N is fierce when she is offended, as she is bounteous and kind when she is obeyed. She spares neither woman nor child. She has no pity ; for some t most good reason, she is not allowed to have any pity. Silently she strikes the sleeping child, with as little remorse as she would strike the strong th the musket or the pickaxe in his hand. Ah! would to God that some man had the pictorial eloquence to put before the mothers of England the PREVENTIBLE SUFFERING—the mass of PREVENTIBLE AGONY of MIND and BODY—which exists in England year after year,’—Aingaley. CONQUEST!! EMPIRE!!! THE GREATEST OF ALL EARTHLY POSSESSIONS. HEALTH is the GREATEST of al POSSESSIONS ; od ‘tis a maxim with me that a HALE COBBLER is a BETTER MAN than a SICK KING,'—Dickerstaf, For Health and Longevity, USE ENO’S ‘FRUIT SALT.’ ‘ HE PHYSICAL BASIS OF THIS LIFE’—GOOD FOOD. How to assimilate or enjoy good food, that would otherwise cause BILIOUS HEADACHE, DISORDERED STOMACH, &c., &c, use ENO'S ‘FRUIT SALT.’ Being a genuine product of Nature, it is a true or natural way of g and restoring health. It removes effete matter or poison from the blood by NATURAL MEANS, thus preventing and throwing off fevers, boils, and id conditions of the blood. On that, account YOU CANNOT OVERSTATE its GREAT VALUE in KEEPING the BLOOD PURE and : from DISEASE. Without such a simple caution the JEOPARDY OF LIFE is IMMENSELY INCREASED. ONLY TRUTH CAN CIVE TRUE REPUTATION—ONLY REALITY CAN BE OF REAL PROFIT—THE SECRET OF SUCCESS—STERLINC HONESTY OF PURPOSE—WITHOUT IT LIFE IS A SHAM. The value of ENO’S ‘FRUIT SALT’ cannot be told. Its success in Europe, Asia, Africa, America, and Australia proves it. \.s cffect upon any DISORDERED, SLEEPLESS, and FEVERISH condition is SIMPLY MARVELLOUS. It is, in fact, NATURE'S CWN REMEDY, and an UNSURPASSED ONE. CAUTION.—Ezamine each Bottle and see the Capsule is marked ENU’S ‘ FRUIT S4LT.’ Without it you have been imposed upon by WORTHLESS Imitations. PREPARED ONLY BY J. C. ENO, Ltd., ‘FRUIT SALT’ WORKS, LONDON, 8.E., BY J. C. ENO’S PATENT. ay LIQUEURS OF THE | 9 ae” ® QDE. CHARTREUSE. Martell’s : ¥ These delicious Liqueurs, which have come so muc h into public favour on account of their won dertul properties of aiding Di rcs * tion and preventing Dyspepsia, zg ean now be had of all the princi- Cy pal Wine and Spirit Merchants, Er and all good Hotels and Restau } Kingdom. Sole Consignee, | OLE, 35, Crutehed Priars, London, E.C | | Nor Papen, 5 Quires, 1s. Court Envelopes, 1s. per 100. Thin, for Foreign Correspondence, 5 Quires, 1s. Mourning Note, 5 Quires, 1s. 6¢. Mourning Envelopes, 1+. 64. per 100. 0 {AS TURNER @ ©O. Make Their Own Steel. Of all Stationers, or send stamps to Hieratica W orks, 68, Upper Thames Street, London, “COOPER” CYCLES. From @x 10s ee Defied. Latest Design Frame, Large Weld lems Steel Tubes, Ball Bearings, e os W heels, e Mud guar s, ( ushion Three Standard Makes. Hand } ved. Extra etow Ground. Carefully Set ‘ ced May See “ Encore" on Shank Months’ Warranty Lists Free. Acents Waste Price per trey, Ty of aeite dint te Maker | Ws. COOPER, 753, Old Kent Road, London, §.E. VICUNA WOOLLEN HOSE, 6 pai: t TURNER Ch 4.0. SOrROUE WORES,MEFFIELD, wide - ribbed, of unusual Y who will supply through nearest agent. ’ strength, delightfully soft, hand | * Encore”’ Pocket and Table Cutlery. 4 ID | sewn throughout, in black and . | tan. Price 2/11 per pair, post | — - | free 16/6 LISLE THREAD HOSE, OFFICIAL gs rng English make, wide-ribbed, per- | : : BLEND fect fitting, soft and elastic, in STATEMENT— | ‘black and leather tan. Price a 2/11 per pair, post free COAL‘: POX Be ‘‘ Wherever ths SPUN SILK HOSE, excep. a jonal value, very strong and | | PASTEUR(hanbetanFILTER | Senses ss || sconcH WHISKY only. Price 3/11 per pair, post sr ~ AR has been introduced | oe a O/stact TYPHOID FEVER HAS DISAPPEARED.” | ui ETS | Sold Everywhere. Sole Makers: Debenham & Freedody, 0 A p J. Defries & Sons, Limited, ||} WIGMORE 8T., LONDON, W. - 147, Houndsditch, E.C. '

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—May 7, 1898. A | TOUCHES THE CHEEK 4i/, OF BEAUTY SO GENTLY 4, THAT YOUTH LINGERS iy ON THE FACE OF AGE JYX" AND AGE ITSELF LOKS YOUTH Pears’ is-matchless for the complexion \ “4 . 7 we % “

Wf4 | , We ae ge ie ELS >, See Fw < Wace mtetaeept teaewernrm everRYy SATURDAY:

wm them Prune’ af :