Punch 1897-04-10: Vol 112 Iss 2909

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CHOCOLAT MENIER on Bret

i g : \§ - ; VOLUME CXII. —~— APRIL 10, PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY = te We ett Ye cAlY 4 ee eas ae (Us SPST OT TTS: wes bh SPORTS. | accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. PRICE THREE PEACE. NOS ROY Ad ‘i < i, ¥ae say PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET,“ J LONDON. in ss ceiceh ee Asia COCOA “aco FRY'S MALTED COCOA, commirarzoxor FRY'S PURE COCOA & MALT EXTRACT ( cents) @@ NOTICE.—Communiocations or Contributions. whether MS.. Printed Matter. Drawings. or Pictures of any description, will not be returned unless

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Arrm 10, 1897. MIn6 as 4 4 } sew NOVEL. UNDER LOVE'S RULE. A Novel yA me Author of * ‘Lady per Secret,” »,” “ London Pride,” & la ndoa IMPEIN &¢ )., Ltd., and all books “llere is being set up every week by LINOTYPE COMPOSING MACHINES. | HOWARD BEDFORD. Ploughs, Harrows, Cultivators, Haymakers Horse Rakes, Straw | i Trussers, Mowers, yh resses, | Oil Engines, & Light ilways. | MACNIVEN & CAMERON'S PENS | om They oo me a4 & boon and 6 blessing to men, | The Pickwick, the Owl, and the Waverley Pea.” THE FLYING J PEN. SSE (4. and ls per Box at all Stationers. bample lion ls. id. by post Waverley Works, EDINBURGH. PHOTOGRAPHIC SIMPLICITY, POC K ET and BULL’S=EYE KODAK CAPERAS. Loaded in Daylight. No The Pecket. 2 BULL'S Eve Price iC L- in hes. The Ne. 2 Bult S- “Eye. Price £1 138. S pictures 99 X 39 in The Ne. J Bull s- ve ‘Price i 108. Photographic EASTMA Materials Co. Ltd. 15 17 Guteed om London, W. ARIS >—@ Place adome Ni—o ‘Me ‘tgraton Strasse. WANS ANITA %. send stamp for pam phiet BOTANIC MEDICINE GO,,3, NEWOXFORODSr., W.C. “PUNCH” ‘THE BEST NATUR “APENTA” ‘AL APERIENT WATER. Of all Chemists and Mineral Water Dealers. Prices: 64., 1s., and 1s. 3d. per bottle. Sole Importers: THE APOLLINARIS CO., Lro., LONDON. | MAPPIN & WEBB'S DRESSING BAGS. FASTMAN’S | WORTH et Cie. Under Royal Patronage SPECIALITY IN CORSETS te department for emen for every class of Corset. A 8 > Gen ONLY ADDRESS: 134, NEW BOND ST., W. Noconnection with w of Paris. * Loved of all ladies."—“ Much Ado,” Act 1, _, Be. ry UNEQUALLED for ite BRILLIANCE and CLEANLINESS. Parent Leatuee, Vian ienep L| ano Enameti zn Goons THE OLDEST AND BEST. CELLULAR SHIRTS AND UNDERWEAR. HEALTHIEST AND BEST —. ALL 8E ASONS | AND CLIMA Ilustrated Price List of fall _ a of Cellular Goods for Men, Women, and Children, sent post free on e¢ on application. OLIVER RROTHERS, Lt Lta, 47, ‘Oxford Strest, Ww.) KROKERT SCOTT, Ltd, i4 and 18, Poult And Agents in all Towns in the United Se Price List for Names. A:so ron Baown Boors, EK ingd om. WEDDING PRESENTS. The Largest and Choicest Stock in the World. ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE FREE. COLDSMITHS COMPANY, Show Rooms: (12, REGENT ST., W (Apsounine Srensoscorie Comrant.) A BOON T0 CYCLISTS Burnip’s (Patent) Chain Brush Cleans your Chain in Two Minutes. KREUGER & Co. 10, Easteheap, London, E.C. i Kindly mention ** Punch.” || SUCHARD’S COCOA. Nature’s Choicest. SOLD BY A LAXATIVE, REFRESHING FRUIT LOZENCE, VERY ACREEABLE TO TAKE. TAMA Rconeriterion. INDIEN GRILLON. London: 47, Southwark Street, S.E. ALL CHEMISTS AND DRUGGISTS, Hemorrhoids, Bile, Loos of Appetite, Gastric and Intestinal Troubles, Headache. 2s. Gd. A ROX. For LISBON. TANGIER, AJAC( MO, VENICE taTTARv, CORFU GIBK ALTAR. Leaving turning 29th May String band, Nhectrie light, | hot and re class cuisine. F 10, Pal 1 MALTA vondon tis t Ap, cold Green by passage apply to the laiter Fenchurch Avenue, mpay to i ite a West- End Mranch Office, 16, Cock spur Street, « VJ aro anD Bow iA Sey) BUTTER SCOTtH HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN Handsome Commemoration Box of Butter Scatc ee ee - of the Victorias Miss Bessie Hatton wd Price Ss. 64. Ready June in (rtes @ ame of armtertioners es onty 6 tna eomber = )\) be med DOUBLE- ACTION 32 CAL. POLICE REVOLVER with ejector and pn gg pte and best revolver made. Price list free. as PATENT FIREARMS CO., 26, Glasshouse 8 it., Piccadilly Circus, Sore Throats “* Youcannotdo better than gargie with “CONDY.” Sir Morell Mackenzie, M 0. (Consulting bane to the late Emperor of Germany ) ‘wm CONDY'S |\° THE ‘*‘PASTEUR” (Chamberland) FI LTER. “The Standard of Efficient Filt tion.”—Baritisn Meprcat Jovurxt. “A real preventative of water borne disease.”’—Laxcer. To be had at ee Stores, most Filter Desles or from the Makers. J. DEFRIES & SONS, @ 147, Houxsvrren, Loxpos, E.C. “FOR THE BLOOD 1S THE LIFE.” CLARKE’S BLOOD MIXTURE 1s warranted to cleanse the blood from all |

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| Guavas the Tanner, which, considering its subject, might be | located among his “miner” works, yet does the tale abound in | It brings us up to the very latest date of the County Council | and even “Agents for Cruises,” all are here mixed up with Admirals | India; Mems. about Magistrates and Magazines ; notes on Navy {pri 10, 1897.}

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 169

APPRECIATION. Miss Ellen, ‘‘ Tus ONE 18 FOR THE AcapEmy, AuNT CLARA.’ Aunt Clara (who feels she must say something), ‘‘How VERY NICE! , MY DEAR ELLEN, WHAT A PERFECT LOVE OF A FRAME!”

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Tuovcn 8S. Barinc-Govutp is not seen at his very best in exciting situations, and presents us with a couple of heroines, the one as good, the other as bad, as they make ’em; a manly hero and a contemptible pair or more of villains, on whom poetic justice comes down heavily before the final chapter. The construction of the story is, like its mining technicalities, i bit puzzling, while the explanations are, at all events to the eager reader who would not willingly be a skipper, somewhat tedious. For all that the Baron recommends Guavas the Tanner. Messrs. A. & C. Brack, by publishing their most useful Who's Who, show that they decidedly know “ What’s What.” election of March the ninth; it gives us not only the House of Lords but the Heirs of Peers, which, as a title to a catalogue in this work, hath’a sound calculated to raise the dander of an anti- pooriah Radical who might be inclined to say, “See what airs the eers give themselves!” Army, Academy, Bishops, Corporation, Deans, Earls, and Field-Marshals ; information as to Ireland an and Newspapers, and brief biographies of notabilities from the frst to the last letter of the alphabet, giving even the recreations of distinguished individuals, one of whom recorded how the little time he has to spare away from his multifarious duties is devoted to the “recreation” of “amateur soldiering.” Delight- ful! What charming pictures of infantry drill in the nursery, pickets in the pantry, and the charge of the light brigade on the rocking-horse, ‘ae this not suggest! And what is the recreation of the “retired statesman,” Mr. Giapstone? It is simply “Literature.” No biking and golfing, such as occupy the spare time of Rt. Hon. ArTaur James Batrour, Captain of the Golfers, and President of Cycle-Unionists. Remark a touching entry in the brief biographical note about the Hon.

Sir Rosert Romer, whose “ recreations” are “ shooting, cycling, rowing; formerly cricket.” The “formerly” might be some- what sad, were it not that any one of the other three sports and pastimes would be quite enough for any ordinary individual. Still can Mr. Justice blithely sing, I’m a Rowen, I'm a Romer, And I'll be a Rowen still ! So “his health and song,” and ma “the noblest Romer of them all.” iv ful and companionable book. It is pretty obvious that if Crank Russevt had never lived and written his unique Tales of the Sea we should never have had Captain Castle (Smitn, Exper). There is the same blameless, single female on board a sailing ship; the same villainous, mutin- ous crew; the same gallant sailor who, almost single-handed, distinguishes himself at every turn of untoward event. There is the same ocean, but with a difference. No one but Crark Russe.. is able to bring within the binding of a six-shilling novel (or, for that matter, one published at the old price of a uinea and a half) the movement, the very smell of the sea. Resestheless. my Baronite says, Mr. Canutton Daws is an ad- mirable understudier, his book being, after the manner of the Master, crammed with vivid incident graphically portrayed. he long continue to be ho’s Who is a most use- THE “MERRY FAMILY” CONCERT. We are a merry Concert, sort of Family “Monday Pop.” We must play on because, you see, each one’s afraid to stop. We all conduct each other, for we couldn’t trust a leader, But we don’t know what might happen to the one who turned seceder ; For all the rest might round on him. Of course, it’s awful footle, But needs must when the—Sultan—drives, so on we twang and tootle. But we all are playing different airs, and none in the same key, So the tutti’s awful shaky, and the tem , dear me!!! Russia plays first fiddle, Germany the big drum, And England—well, I think they say—her instrument's the comb! France = the penny-whistle, Italy the guitar. Oh! we are a merry Concert! Yes, we are, we are, we ang!!! ‘*In the Queen’s Name.” Martha the Cook (to Lizzy the Housmmaid). ’Ere’s an ’orrible mistake. In ’is subscripshion list the Heditor ‘as spelt your name with a “hi” and a “he” instead of a “ y.” STARTING A SYNDICATE. A Senio-Comic Inrer.upg. Scens—An Office in the City. Time—Afler Lunch. Present— Members of a proposed Syndicate, I suppose Half a First Member. And now, gentlemen, to business. we may put down the capital at fifty thousand ? Second Mem. Better make it five hundred thousand. million is so much easier to get. Third Mem. Of course. ho would look at a paltry fifty ? First Mem. Perhaps you are right. Five pound shares, eh? Fourth Mem. Better make them sovereigns. Simpler to ma- nipulate. = . First Mem. I daresay. Then the same solicitors as our last ? Fifth Mem. Yes, on the condition that they get a firm to undertake the underwriting. First Mem. Necessarily. The firm I propose, gentlemen, are men of business, and quite recognise that nothing purchases nothing. Second Mem. And they could get the secretary with a thou- sand to invest. ; First Mem. Certainly. before. Eh, gentlemen ? ss Fifth Mem. On the same conditions. First Mem. That is understood. And now the prospectus is getting into shape. Is there anything else anyone can suggest ? Fourth Mem. Oughtn’t we to have some object in view! First Mem. Assuredly. Making money. : Fourth Mem. Don’t be frivolous. But what I mean is, should we not know for what purpose we are going to expend the If million ? : Mint Mem. Oh, you mean the name. Well, that compara- tively unimportant detail we might safely leave until our next pleasant gathering. F Meeting adjourned. Curtain. Our brokers, bankers, and auditors as

<x VOL. CXII Q

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— [Aram 10, 1897, |

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“ WHERE’S YOUR WHEELIE GLADSTONE NOW?” WY, IN Hs SrUDY, QUIETLY CONTEMPLATING THE PROBABILITIES OF HIS BEING ANNOUNCED AS A PRACTISED GOLFIST, AN ACCOMPLISHED CYCLIST, A PERFECT PUGILIST, AND AN ‘‘ ADMIRABLE CRICHTON” IN SPORTS GENERALLY.

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Apa 10, 1897.} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. WSS SSS ~ & . ~ VR RRR WN 1 samen, IA\ Mina (whispering to her mother), ‘‘MummMixz, isn’t CoLone, GuimsHaw UGLY!” The Colonel, ** Dox’t You KNOW, MY LITLE GIKL, THAT IT Is RUDE TO WHISPER IN Company!” Mina, ‘‘ WELL, IT WOULD BE RUDER TO SAY IT OUT LouD!” UP AND DOWN, (The Middle-class Taxpayer to Sir Michael.) “Up, up, up goes the revenue! Again it is ad- | This year it has | vancing by leaps and bounds. reached the amazing total of £112,198,547; or £2,858,601 over last year’s corresponding returns, which was held to be a phenomenal yield.” Daily Chronicle.) | An! Here we go up, up, up! And there | we go down, down, down! | No, no, not a bit of it! Jubilee gifts should a jubilee revenue crown. But—the Income Tax stands, as so long it has stood, at eightpence—oh lor !—in the pound And whenever “phenomenal yields” do turn up, phenomenal claims, too, are _ found. Sir MicnagLt, my bey, we will dub you Saint Micuag. if only you’ll lower that tax, Which we middle-class camels have pa- tiently borne, but which slowly is breaking our backs. | Here we go up, up, up! Well, we’re glad _ in this Jubilee Year You should have such a bonus. But, mercy upon us! you’re apt to forget us, we _ fear. We must pay the Old Lady her eightpence, subscribe to the Jubilee Purse, And eke to the Indian Famine Relief Fund ! Our state, my dear Sir, will be worse this Annus Mirabilis, leaping and bounding. We’re loyal to country and rown, In But oh! since the Revenue goes up, up, up, let the Income Tax go down, down, down!!! A Suggestion to Owners of Factory Chimneys near the route of Royal Procession. You'd get the THE TRUE PATRIOT. Me. Josern Coampen.ain, in his high- spirited and patriotic speech at the Royal Colonial Institute, complained of certain | unfriendly critics who “ appear to be under | the impression that nobody but a foreigner | has a right to be a patriot.” A hit, a palpable hit, Sir! Per contra, however, there are a yet larger number of people who appear to hold the equally irrational | opinion that “nobody but an Englishman has a right to be a patriot”; and that the triotism of the foreigner is, to say the east of it, a mere superfluity of naughti- ness. Which is absurd! If patriotism is a crowning virtue in a Briton, it cannot be a vice even in a Boer. Let us, whether common citizens of Colonial Ministers, re- member that the worst enemy of Peace is he who would make patriotism a monopoly —anywhere. A patriot, no doubt, is a fine fellow, Whether he ’s black, or white, or brown, or yellow ; But the wise patriot, foe to strife and schism, Allows for other people's patriotism. Wire tae 8S. Arnican Inquiry Com- mi1texr.—Mr. L-s-cu-re ho to succeed in carrying out his plan of examination, cheered by the ancient Latin proverb, “ Labby omnia vincit.” New Version or an Op Provens (by an evicting landlord on the route of the Royal Jubilee Procession). —“ An empty above prices easily. house is better than a good tenant.”

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| Madame Jones. **THere, Miss ! PUNCH, OR THE L ONDON CHARIVARL [Aram 10, 1897. A LA MODE. Now pon'T THAT STYLE SUIT YOUR Ma’s FIGURE MOST BEAUTIFUL!” THE WOTHERSPOONS. A Srory in Scenes. VIL. Scene —The Dining-room, as before. Spencer (to himself). It’s awful! Poor dear Erta! engaged to a Swiss valet, and no more idea of it than I y don’t know what I can say or do. I wonder whether—— I'll try it. (Aloud.) Er—Von Gustsr, to return to this valet. It strikes me now that he ’d much better marry the keeper’s daughter. rhs (with a short laugh). Fery goot advahice, but a liddle doo lade |! Henrietta (to herself). How blind poor Sren is! If I could only open his eyes, or work on this girl’s better feelings—if she has any—I might—— (Aloud, with intention.) Yes, Spancer, Fritz means that the girl, from pique or—or some other motive, has been foolish enough to enqnage buvesil to—to somebody more than twice her age. : Spon. (to himself). That’s a back-hander for me. ine j for her. (Aloud.) Oh, I was not aware of that. such marriages are not always—— Henr. But this one can’t turn out well. know that, when it is too late, the valet who, I believe, is still devoted to her—— undertone.) Say he is; you’re not helping me a bit! [Frirz tape at his moustaches with an expression of hopeless vacuity. Mercy. Excuse me, Erra, my dear, but if Mr. von Guaier told you that, he might have mentioned that the valet—unless I’m very much mistaken—is engaged to be married himself. Spen. And for purely mercenary reasons, I’m afraid, eh, Mercy, my darling? Still—er—I am sure that, if his fiancée were acquainted with the facts, she wouldn’t hesitate a moment in releasing him. Y It’s not | , or like Erra—but theie, poor girl, 1 must make allowances | Well, well, | And how does she | You did say so, didn’t you, Frirz? (In an! Mercy. Mr. von Gusier hasn’t said yet whether the valet wanted to be released. (To Fritz.) Does he? Fritz. To find himself left out altogetter in the colt? Nod Spen. Ah, but there’s time yet, you see. He might go back to his old sweetheart, and koe ae, ron ene. ee aa ae might not be unwilling, even now—— (To Meroy, sotto voce.) Back me up, darling, back me up! ’ Mercy. You ’re going too far, Spencer. If she’s the girl I take her for, she wouldn’t have anything to do with a man who’s left off caring for her. Henr. But he hasn’t left off, has he, Fritz? And—and we both think, if she only had the cou to break it off—— Mercy. On the bare chance that might do the same? wouldn’t, in her place. Besides, how can a girl tell a man like P that Spen. rohit in). I see the difficulty. But I tell you what I could do, Von Guster. If I only had this other man’s name and address—I mean the man this girl is now engaged to, I’m quite willing to go and call upon him myself, and put it to him delicately, you know. Mercy. Uh, don’t, don’t! if you only knew how ridiculous you ’re making yourself! . Spee. quad. Se dear Mercy, you might give me credit for being—er—sufficiently a man of world to—— Henr. No, no, Spencer. I will undertake to explain it to him. And -' yo as ee oe Oe woman, I will go and see her. Ll ap to Pp self-respect to give up this man, the valet, who doesn’t really care for her, and does care for somebody else. (Mercy giggles hysterically.) 1 appear to amuse you? d Fritz. 1t is nodings. Miss Maricour thinks berhaps you will find that laty a liddle diffigult to gonvince. ercy. But if they were both free, they wouldn’t be a bit forwarder, for the valet has nothing to marry on. Fritz. 1 peg bardon. I habben to know he has a schmall broberty, nod much, but enotf to puy a liddle hotel or lotching- house, and lif bretty gomfordable. Henr. There, Mercy, you see that if the girl only——_ But let us two go upstairs and talk it over, and leave Spencer and Fritz to smoke in peace. he rises. Spen. Yes, go, my dear, for I should like a little quiet chat over this wi on GuBLer, and if he will leave it to me—— Fritz (sullenly). It is pedder you leaf it to the yong beoples to seddle. It is fery simble. This yong chab has only to say to the yong vomans, “ Look here, if you sack your olt vellow, | gi my olt curl whad you gall the chuck!” There it is in a nudshell. a. (disgusted). If that’s your idea of putting it delicately ! ritz. Ach, we are eal oo Silene and diblomatic we nefer ged novhere! Hznrietrs, do not leaf pefore 1 ask Miss Marico xr it she brefer an elterly sugarproker with nod much moneys, 4 schmall house, and a mittle-aged sister to a yong enderbrising Schviss with loaf in his heart and in his pocket a lid e gabital ! Mercy (rushing into his arms). Oh, Frrrz, of course 1’d rather have you if you ‘ll give up Henaretra! And I’m sure SPEncen won't mind. He’s such a goodnatured old dear. Now, you know you are, Spencer! (Spencer and Henaietta stare wildly at them. Spen. (passing hts hand over his brows). But—but, Meroy, you can’t be—— Why, you told me your father was a gentleman- farmer, and frequently went out shooting with Lord Couzsmarts! Fritz. As iooken—anihie drue. The rest—well, I subbose that was oal liddle Mercy’s von. Henr. (faintly, from an armchair into which she has sunk). But—at least you cannot have been a—a valet? A Von GuBLER! Mercy. Guster I knew him as. Plain Guster. I fancy the rest was—well, wasn’t little Fritz’s von. And I can’t help ing a little amused, you know, at your being in such a state lest should shock his aristocratic feelings by letting out that I’d been a servant. And oh, Spencer, when you volunteered to go and put the case to yourself as one man to another—well, there, it was very nearly the death of me! + Spen. y it must have struck you as supremely ridicu- lous. However, I think I may assure you that my sister and I fully recognise now that—that——- Ah, Mzrcy, Meroy, you might have been frank with me! enr. (to Fritz). Do you suppose that if I had known—all this—I should ever have—— ? : Mercy. Oh, it’s all very well, but yow weren't so larly frank with us. I shall always think—I always must think myself —that, being both so yomasee inexperienced, we ought to have been told more, and not ived into pring a promise by— well, what some would call false pretences Fritz (wagging his head with solemn reproach). Yes, valse bretence, that is yust the vort. We haf been imbosed upon.

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Apri 10, 1897.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. REASSURING, Aristocratic but Incom Owner, ‘‘MyY DEAR BUT MORTIFYING. Amateur (anziously). ‘‘Have You—ER—BACKED THE Horse ror mucn!"” IR, SHOULD I HAVE GIVEN You THE Mount iF I nap!” Spen. (turning on him). Confound you, what do you mean b that ? * have you been imposed oon? - r Mercy. Why, I’m sure you never said a word about your not | being well-off enough to give me a house of my own, and I’d no idea till this evening that I was expected to live in a poky little | place like this along with r sister and her husband—let alone that he would turn out to be Frrrz! Fritz. And Miss Vopsrspoon gif me to onderstand that her broder was — to remain a patchelor and bay s and daxes. I was nefer dolt he vas engaged, and to the curl I loafed, and did not exbect efer again to see ! Spen. and Henr.(stammering). But—but—but—we never——! Mercy ey There, never mind, we forgive you. I’m sure, as things have turned out, we ought to fool very much obliged, oughtn’t we, Fritz? And now, if Miss WornersPoon won't think it offully rude ieee so early, I must be running | away, as I promised aunt I’d be back soon. There needn’t be any ill-feeling between us, I’m sure? [She comes towards SPENCER. Spen. (indistinctly). I—I shall always wish you well, my dear. _ Mercy. That’s right. And—and lm sure Fritz won’t be jealous if I gave you just one—— (She comes closer; Srencer draws back involuntaruy). Oh, well, you needn’t be sulky about it! Frrrz, you ll see me home to Shepherd’s Bush, won’t you ? Fritz. Cerdainly. Gootbye, mine Hzn—I mean, Miss Vopenr- sB00N. Do not veep for me. In dime you com to see it is pedder we bart. Henr. (with her hand on the bell). I think I have come to see that already. Mercy (cheerfully). Oh, yes, it would never have done. We should only have fought like ferrets in a bag. And now—why you two will have your cosy little house, and your old-fashioned | things, and your homely housemaid, all to yourselves. Goodbye, and thanks for a most offully pleasant eveni We can let | ourselves out. Come, Fritz, touw we can find a hansom at | the corner, (She departs, his hands leaving Spencer sitting stupefied, his head in| Or a bus. Srencen and HEnRietta remain Fritz (as he follows her). A hansom—yes. [The front door is shut. suent for some time. Henr. (at length). Well, Srmnczn ? Spen. (drearily). Well, Huwnierta ? Henr. y were right. We—we are better as we are. Spen. Yes, it would never have done. [There is a knock at the door; both start violently. enters with tray. Maria. I thought p’raps it was coffee you rang for, Sir. (She sees Miss W. with surprise.) I’ve only brought two cups in, Miss Henrietta. I was going to give you and the—the young lady yours in the drawing-room. | Henr. Thank you, Mania, but I will take mine here. And— and the other two cups will not be needed—now. Maria (with comprehension). Well, Miss, I’m sure it’s a load | off my mind, for, as I’ve just been saying to cook—/(she checks ‘herself at the sight of their expressions)—that coffee-machine don’t make coffee, not fit to drink, for four. (To herself, as she goes out). Pore souls, it’s easy to see what’s happened. I think I'd | better tell cook i'd only n gammoning her! Henr. (rising, and putting her hand on Srencen’s shoulder). Spen, dear, are you feeling very sore about this ? Spen. I feel I’ve been an old fool, Erta, my dear, and it serves me right. [He draws her down to a seat beside him. Henr. I’ve been quite as much a fool. Srmzn, that—that wretch had the impertinence to tell me “ not to weep for him”! Oh, I wish now I could have said ve that would have stung even him. And that girl actually offered to kiss you, after—— Did you notice? Spen. Yes—I noticed. She ty was sulky, but somehow I couldn’t (Half to himself.) I wish now I’d—— Henr. One never thinks of the right things till afterwards, and then it’s too late. Spen. (witha sigh). And then it’s too late. [He puts out his hand, which she takes. silently at the fire. Maria Both sit gazing (Tae END. |}

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174 : PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Arai 10, 1897, rm | 4, , an | an ; 1 | TE acy (Gk 7 rT | He. **Wuat parerty Hair THac Miss Dasnwoop nas—LIkE Spun Goip!” She (her rival), “*Yus—Fourteen Carrot.” ROUNDABOUT READINGS. (Being some selections from the Correspondence between Mr. Rubert be has been through everything and seen through ag! tang for him everything is vieur jeu; he sees no more in life than Sir Cuartes Coipstream (I think it was he) saw in the crater of Roundabout, his Nephew at Cambridge, and others.) | Vesuvius, and he on his way, a parched and pleasureless No. XL—Ov rue Unpercrapuate 1x Lonpon—Or Tue youno! being, to whom the world is as flat as the late Mr. Hampnpen Town-sinp —Ov Youtru anp ExsoyvMEntT—Or A Doo anv A Cart. always maintained it to be. Even amongst undergraduates, I be- My pear Jacx,—Lo, how the weeks slip away! Perhaps on | lieve, this pattern has its imitators, who ape the man of the world, the very day of your receiving this lsties’ yen vill be oaching attempt to disguise themselves in a mask of cynicism, and put your luggage, paying your bilfs (ahem !), and descending upon | *¥@Y from them forcibly all the joy and freshness and heartiness the metropolis to witness, as one who, having been behind the of youth. These are the youngsters—their numbers, I am scenes, knows all that is to be known about these two earth-| ‘pankful to say, are few, but should be fewer—who haunt the shaking events, the Oxford and Cambridge Athletic Sports and| Pleasure-palaces of London even in Term-time, whose highest the Boatrace from Putney to Mortlake. If you wish to make | ambition is to be mentioned in print as the associates 7 - my humble rooms your headquarters for a few days before you | °F we ke and who find, when the unrelenting oor — go home and rejoice the heart of your mother, I need only tell stranded them on the barren shore of middle age, that they you that you will be heartily welcome, and that a latch-key, to have never been young or enjoyed themselves with a genuine used, as I hope, with the modesty and discretion that are the | °™J°yment. Of these are not ou. No, my dear Jack, enjoy most charming qualities of youth, is at your disposal. yourself while you can, and don’t be afraid of showing your Even if I kept no count of the hanging seasons by any other | feelings. It is a great thing to have friends, to hear —— method, I should know the advent of the University Passtion by welcome as you greet them, to get all the good you can out o the appearance of our London streets. At every step you meet | this delightful world and all that it contains of fresh, manly, the olen and springy figures of the undergraduates, their fresh — pleasure while the fresh capacity for pleasure is still and cheerful faces somewhat overcast, it must be admitted, b _ oe the dread responsibility attaching to frock-coats, potent-tealber You say nothing in your letter about the agreeable Tatters. boots and neckties, that in their ample magnificence leave but | Am I to make provision for that talented ay you little to the imagination. Two of them, it may be, while walk- send him home straight? I ask because, as you 9 cll ¢ large ing irrepronchably down St. James's Street, and reciting to one and friendly tabby cat in reality owns this house and ~y another the awe-inspiring names of the various clubs they pass, | °"*#!"s, though it does not disdain to be spoken of as the see a friend advancing to meet them. They saw him at | Property of the landlady. | Selina will have to be consulted on Cambridge two days before, when they parted from him at the the subject of Tatters’ arrival, and it is probable that a tempo- end of a Term spent in his society. What does that matter? |@*¥ sanctuary will have to be arranged so that there may be The three greet one another with a surprised enthusiasm that | ° collisions on the staircase or in the passages. Unlike Tatters, might be the result of years of separation. There are slappings | S@‘n@ has no tricks. She is a model of furry dignity, with an on the back, hearty welcomings, immediate offers of cigarettes : | '*Tesistible affection for my favourite armchair. “Why, old man, fancy meeting you here! What have you | Goodbye. Your affectionate uncle, Bos. been doing all this time ? When did you come down? Where| P.S. Saturday, 3 P.a.—Oxford has won! mates delayed are you off to? Are you doing anything to-night? Capital! | this letter in order to ascertain the result of the race, I suppose Let's dine together and go to a play.” And so they hook arm-|I am bound to condole with you on the recent loss! Not having in-arm and away they go together as if the whole world with all|seen or heard of or from you in London, I shall confide this its hopes and pleasures were theirs. The town-bird, even when | letter to the hall-porter of my club, where I have no doubt you recently fledged, is of a different order. Heaven forgive him, will make a point of calling.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Apam. 10, 1897. THE ELEPHANT TRAP.

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| Apa. 10, 1897.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 177 THE FIRST ASPARAGUS OF THE SEASON. Farmer (at Market Dinner). ‘‘ WuLt, Gen’ELMEN, I DUNNO WOT BE THE C’RECT WAY 0’ | SERVIN’ THESE "ERE, BUT I GEN’ELLY EATS JUST THE ENDS OF "EM MYSELF!” [Helps himself to the tops ! “ALONE IN LONDON,” Do calls of duty, pleasure, fate, Explain the situation ? Or has she accepted—somewhat late— J. THomson’s invitation ? * I know not. Knowledge, after all, My woe might only crown For all my pains—the fact remains, AMANDA’s out of town! Though Fashion is a tyrant Queen, Her rule I’m now evading— I am not even to be seen _ On Sundays church-parading ! South Kensington may rail at me, _At me Belgravia frown, No more I rush to ball and crush— AMANDA’s out of town! At social functions I have ceased To form a pleasing feature, For quite a fortnight at the least _[’ve scarcely seen a creature— Except one day (we met by chance) With May (I mean Miss) Brown I'd just a chat—no more than that— AmMANDaA’s out of town! Far lonelier seems my lonely room Than ever I remem . For me the sky has all the gloom Of London in November. The sun shines rarelier than it used, The rain beats steadier down, The streets appear more dull and drear— AmanpDa’s out of town! ees Even the theatres for a while For me have lost their magic, In funny plays there’s ne’er a smile, And scarce a tear in tragic. A novel seems more hard to read, Black care more hard to drown, The old club-bore to haunt me more— AmanDa’s out of town! Yet, happy thought! A maiden’s bow To bear two stri is reckoned— Why not a man’s, I'd like to know? By Jove! I’ll start a second! This very afternoon I’ll go And call on Mrs. Brown, And while (with May) an hour away— Amanpa’s out of town! * “‘ Come, dear AMANDA, quit the town,” &c.,— an invitation given a Spring or two ago. Organic Appreciation. Mrs. Bountiful (after hearing the new organ at the village church). What I most admire, Mr. Srupiex, are the wonderfully human tones of the Nux Vomica stop! Nore sy Darsy Jonxs.—“ It is the first time in my long experience that I ever heard of a Hawke protecting pigeons. In some illogical but ornithological way the gentleman in question reminds me of a cuc ing subscriptions for the pre- servation of the nests of sparrows.” THE NEW CHIVALRY. _ (It is natural that women should admire figuters. Naturally they think more of a man woo can fight than of auy other man.’’—John 1. Sulavan on the Corbett-Fitesmmons ight. | “O, woman! in our hours of ease, Uncertain, coy,” and—all the rest of it, When man is on nis second’s > “Lis then your presence makes we best of it. Once wont to watch in battle’s rear, Now in fight’s brawling, brutai, bully van You etand and shout, despising fear— So says the dithyrambic SULLIVAN. CLare sat and gazed o’er Flodden’s tight At a remote, respectful distance. Mrs. FirzsimMONs keeps in sight, And renders practical assistance. E.iza, on the wood-crowned hill U’er Linden, watched wild war's vicissi- tude, But Mrs. F., at the great “ mill,” * Conducts herself with great solicitude.” Oh, sweet. romance of the ri ide | A pugilist must feel complacent, What time his Amazonian bride ; With good advice is “ close adjacent.” How that Pug’s buzzum must rejoice Who, true to chivalry’s high law alone, Hears his wife’s winning, werning voice, “ Keep at his ribs, and leave his jaw atone!!!” At the old lists the ladies’ eyes— So bards who hymn the tourney’s shocks sing— “ Rained influence and adjudged the prize.” How different in modern boxing! Tis now the lady’s voice that rains Pithy advice in free vernacular, Urges the blow, the rush restrains, At once inspiring and oracular. Fancy Queen Uuinzevers of old, When Lancg10t levelled for a casque-hit, Out-shouting to her champion bold, “Give him the lance in the bread-basket |” “A pugilist at Anraur’s Court” ould give Mark Twain, who never spareth, A chance to show a Yankee “ sport,” Knocking out Lance.or and Ganrern. A woman loves a fighter best ; Exaiszg would now back Bop Firtz- SIMMONS ; King Arruur’s self, put to our test, Would never pass our standard women’s. The Pug is now the Blameless King Who wins the modern woman’s benison ; And it is “ Idylis of the Ring” Must give his theme to our next TENNYSON. GOLD IN LIVERPOOL, Tne following is gleaned from the columns of the Liverpool Daily Post :— OST, Gold-headed Lady’s UMBRELLA, be- tween L. and Y. Station and Sandheys Avenue, Waterloo.— Return to, &c. Suitable reward, A “suitable reward” is all very well. But what reward can be suitable, in the sense of being adequate, for the honest man or woman who, having happed upon the umbrella of a gold-headed lady, returns the treasure to its owner? Miss Kilmansegg’s leg wasn’t in it with this strangely-gifted fe » A Great Relief on Boat-race Day. Little Chris (pointing to a horse with red rosettes). O, Baddy ! here ’s & poor gee- gee what wasn’t at one of the blue schools!

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ulm For?” 178 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. — [Apa 10, 1897. yy ills | yr |) (/// SENDING-IN-DAY AT THE R. A. & pause. ‘“ BUT IT 18 IMPOSSIBLE FOR YoU To SEE THE PRESIDENT. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE I WANT TO SHOW HIM EXACTLY WHERE I WANT MY PicTuRE HUNG.” NOT FOR AN AGE. (From a Dramatic Romance 4 la P-n-ro.) “T am so glad to see you,” cried the young girl, as the man with the brown hair ti with grey approached her. “Impossible!” he exclaimed, and there | was sorrow in his voice. “ What is there in common between us?” “Everything,” was the brief but com- prehensive reply. “ You are mistaken,” he comtinued, with a heartfelt sob; “in you are. I tell you that the past stands between us. | am an outcast. My friends that I have not seen for many months are no more. I am alone. The years that are gone have carried away the dreams of youth and the realities of middle age.” “You surely take a pessimistic view of EE a ws to a “In io not! > mourn- fully. “What would I not give for my past youth! If I were three years younger there might be some hope. But no, I am too old! The wings of the elderly butter- fly are withered, and he no longer can flutter from flower to flower.” “T do not believe it ; I cannot believe it.” “ But I tell you it is true. I have seen half-a-dozen pantomimes, and can remem- ber the opera for as many seasons. I am out of date. Bond Street has forgotten me, and I scarcely know my way down | Piccadilly.” | “Tt is never too late to mend,” said the beautiful girl, encouragingly. “Your suggestion comes from a half- forgotten copy-book. No, no, it can never All my companions are gone. I will follow their example. I, too, will away to some desert island, where the aged can meet their peers. I live in the past. | have no power of existing in the future.” “This is cruel,” cried the girl, sobbing bitterly. “Can you not see that I am dying for your proposal, that I am ready to become your wife?” “Believe me, such a thing might have happened five years ago. ut now it is too late.” “Nothing is too late—except perhaps a play in five acts, which commences at a quarter to eight, and ends at about half- past eleven!” en, summoning up cour- age, she asked the momentous question, “ How old are you?” He trembled in every limb. Then he braced himself up to go through the ter- rible ordeal. “You should know—for I must disillu- sion you—that I am a fossil of thirty!” “Tt is wiser as it is,” she returned, after “Perhaps May had better not mate with Early September.” : And so they parted, and lived on happily for ever afterwards! THE EASTER PROBLEM. Mater. Weli, dear, I suppose we must try the coast. Pater. But wouldn’t it rather dangerous—with the equi- noctial gales—for the children ? Mater. Yes, 1 suppose it would. Well, then we might go inland—to some sheltered spot. Pater. Better; but then the country is so dull at this season of the year. Mater. Yes, so it is. é Well, I suppose it would be too ex- pensive to go abroid ? Pater. t, all of us! Of course it would! Mater. On my word, I can think of nothing else. Pater. Well, my love, while you are making up your mind I will pop across the Channel and consider the matter in Paris. [And he does! Up to Now. (After reading the denunciations of Arbitration at the Capetown Meeting, = the Amendments made to the Arbitration Treaty in the American lenate.) ArsitraTe? Yes, about indifferent trifles, Not so im t as to warrant war; But stick to the old arbiters, swords and rifles, About ail things that are. Curious Cormcipence.—While London is concerned over the water question, Dublin is agitated on the matter of whiskey. Might not the two be amicably mingled in the good old- fashioned way ? Tae Best “Frixanctat Retations.”—Our “ Uncles.” ——— wo Ss aS =a SO oO eS we ewe he OO eh ee Re eee -- Ss -_ 1ioa8tnsg alle to oe) Ses - ss ogoes —a - Dp . ao = So’ SS SS & ft ceva ithe

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——_ Apa 10, 1897.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. RECIPROCITY. Dear Mr. Puncn,—No doubt you have observed that the Chancellor of the Diocese of London has decided that Governor | Braprorp’s story of the Pilgrim Fathers shall be handed over to the Ambassador of the United States. Very right and proper, and possibly other records of historical interest: to our relatives across the Atlantic might be added to the log of the | Mavflower, with the best results. For instance, could not that | bill for SHaxsPEeaRe’s bed be recovered and transmitted? If it | were receipted (there is a certain virtue in the “if”) it is sure to have been preserved somewhere. n Hamppen’s ticket for | America, which was never used, might be discovered and for- warded with the rest. Perhaps it would be too much to send the original of Magna Charta, but there is (if I am not mistaken) a capital duplicate at Salisbury, which might be brightened up a bit and posted to Boston. There were claims, too, against the British Government, at the commencement of the present century, for compensation for losses incurred during the War of Independence, by the Mandamus Councillors of the King. Mavbe, if these were duly forwarded to Washington, they would be honoured in a fashion beneficial to the descendants of those misguided Loyalists who preferred Gzrorce the Farmer to Grorce of the Stars and Stripes. Such a gift would be some- thing of a set-off to the Alabama Claims that were so promptly honoured in this country. Lastly (if it has not already gone). could we not send out the kind heart of the great British nation ? This would be following a precedent set by Sir Henry Irvine. All I would suggest in return for these simple gifts is a present of a fraternal good will, an article which, wherever it may exist, is certainly not to be found in the American Senate. I remain, JoNATHAN’s Cousin In ENGLAND. A propos pe Borres.—At a meeting of “the forward move- ment” of the Women’s Vegetarian Association, it was said that vegetarian boots would shortly be on sale. Of course these feet coverings will be grown on boot-trees. The “ Oldest.” “On MAKING HISTORY. Young Squire. ‘‘ AND WHAT, JOHN, DO YOU INTEND DOING TO COMMEMORATE Her Maszsty's oioriovus Reon!” , | SHALL TRY TO KEEP Soper A week!” the Paruirrs Eearire of a milder century flung on dying embers of sitting a flask of oil fresh from Crete. Instantly they blazed up, filling the erewhile sleepy chamber with ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE Diary or Tony, M.P. quality in coercion days. Gsroncs Curzon ran amuck at gentlemen below Gangway opposite. Tim Hxary long resisted ——- House of Commons, Tuesday, March 30, 2 a.m.—Members just streamed forth from heated air into cool March morning. Un- like the month the sitting, coming in like a lamb, went out like a lion. Ireland to begin with, Ireland for once almost hys- terically unanimous. Report Royal Commission on Financial Relations appears to promise opportunity of getting an extra million or so per annum out of the imperial exchequer. In such a cause what Irishmen would not be friends? As the Lord Mayor of Dublin—who, dressed all in his best. presented at bar a petition in favour of readjustment of financial relations of the two countries—-beautifully said, “Let us, me boys, bury the hatchet of private ani- mosity in the bosom of the public purse.” BLaKe presented Ireland’s case in monu- mental speech. sort of Whitaker's Almanack - cum - Burdett’s Official Intelli- one. Crammed with facts and figures ; the long procession ably marshalled; the argument forcefully hammered home in Incent language, occasionally ennobled by simple eloquence. When he sat down | there really didn’t seem anything left for anyone else to say. unless it were the monosyllabled “No” by CHANCELLOR oF | exchequer. That would never do in House of Commons. especially in debate on Irish subject. So more speeches fol- | towed. all of length commensurate with AK®’s, _ Midnicht mercifully intervened : Members | instinctively turned their thoughts home- ward. but not their steps. Report of Supply next order. This free from domina- tion of Twelve o’Clock Rule; debate may go on as long as there are forty Members awake to keep it going. Pamir Stanwnors, | tion to associate himself with anything fierce flame and stifling smoke. Prince! partaking of the character of a free fight. Artnur, seething with righteous wrath, | At end of hour and half was in, protested against “fragmentary, inconclu-| and soon made up for lost time. ‘ sive and unsatisfactory debates” upon a A lively skirmish presaging the pitched delicate and difficult question. Jonn Di1-| battle that can’t be long deferred. LON gave new Members a taste of his| Business done.—Mixture of Ireland and Crete; taken hot. | Tuesday night.—General disposition to regard as exaggerated the note in an eminent Frenchman’s diary of his visit to an English country house. “It’s a fine morning,” he represents his host as saying ; “let’s go out and kill something.” The fel finds some support in episode in connection with occupation of Crete. After taking part in bombardment of blockhouse at Ma Admiral Hanzi felt irresistible impulse to go and kill something. Turts forbidden; insurgents for the moment quiet; someone suggested snipe. So whilst Europe trembles on brink of war, all its capitals throbbing with excitement, the British Admiral goes a snipe-shooting. Would never have heard of expedition only for fact that insurgents, not to be out- done in activity, tried to pot the Admiral ‘on returning to his ship, a circumstance | which to the true sportsman lends addition 1) charm to snipe shooting in Crete. 3 Question about it in House to-night. Tim Hearty puts another, which, as usual with bim, goes straight to the point. “ Will ‘the Admiral in future,” he asks, “confine himself to snipe shooting?” Grones Cun- zon, not having had even private notice of uestion, does not feel bound to answer it. House chuckled with delight at thie prow | pect of settlement. Su of tite fleets all go a snipe-shoot ing, leav- ing the Cretans to settle r long- standing account with the Turks? Rope-walking extraordinary by Sir B. Cl-rke.

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180 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Aram 10, 1897. Debate on financial relations of Englana and Ireland resumed. Debate perhaps not proper name for process. It is the reading or reciting of long essays. Epwarp CiarKE, not to be quite outdone by a gentleman from Canada, spoke for an hour and three quarters against Biake’s two hours and ten minutes. A pretty spec- tacle, though the performance a little prolonged. Buionprn in his prime never so neat in execution as Epwarp CLARKE practising on the tight-rope of Home Rule, with assistance of a pole weighted at cne end with “Justice to Ireland,” at the other with “Unity of the Empire.” So well done that when he lightly leaped down and bowed acknowledgment of applause “Ts it your pleasure that leave be given?” asked the Speaker. “No.” cried the guilty Ministerialists. “Yes,” roared a full-throated Opposi- tion. Challenged for supporters, over three score Liberals rose. Leave accordingly given. Swirr MacNegr. submitted hi case, bringing guilt home to door of the doubly-absent Minister. Never in Parlia- mentary history was speech so effective. It literally paralysed the audience. No one rose either to further indict or to attempt extenuation. Nothing to be done but to put the question, and, motion for adjourn- ment negatived, House proceeded to or- dered business. The Prime Minister and the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs take an (un-)“‘ Constitutional ”’ together in the South of France! no one quite knew what was his exact posi- tion with respect to Amendment before House. Business done.—More union among Irish Members. New reading of old say-| ing: “ Union is Cash.” : Thursday. Swier MacNes. strode! down to House to-day full of fell purpose. In spite of occasionally terrifying attitude and thunderous voice, he is one of the gentlest-hearted men in the _ world. Wouldn’t hurt a fly, even if its Saxon birth stared through its lucent eyes and betrayed itself in the movement of its tremulous legs. But there are things which pass the limits of fabulous forbear- ance. The Marxriss’s absence from the United Kingdom just now is one such. Painful later to observe surprise on faces of crowd of Liberal Members who had supported demand for leave to move ad- journment. Standing Order requires that Members approving shall rise to their feet. Being on their legs in token of their burn- ing desire to hear Swirr MacNet.u’s speech, Members walked out, coming back after brief interval, surprised to find all was over. Business done. — The Marxiss narrowly escapes being sent to the Tower. Friday.—Prince Artnur entering just now, glanced eagerly at Front Opposition Bench, scanning it in vain for towering form of its Captain. Squire or Matwoop, careful for a life dear to us all, wisely keeps to his room this bleak April day. If he were merely the Premier, ’twere bad. If he were solely Foreign Secretary, 'twere regrettable. He is both, a Ministerial amalgam, the component parts forming most indispensable deneat in Cabinet. That he should be making holiday on the Riviera whilst the dogs of war are baying round Crete is the unpardonable sin. Swirt MacNeut will, at whatever cost to private feelings, perform a public duty. So, questions over, he rose, asked leave to move adjournment in order to discuss as matter of urgent public importance the absence from the United Kingdom of the Prime Minister and Foreign Secretary. Prince Artuur urgently wants to know | how about that Vote of Censure? Nothing | would please him better than to have the | glove dashed down. Signs on the horizon of restlessness among his own men at news |of British ships taking active part in jleagne with fleet coercing Greeks and | firing on Cretans. A Vote of Censure woul close up their ranks, strengthening at home and abroad position of Ministry by overwhelming majority. “Will you walk into my parlour?” says Prince Artuur to the Squire. “ Perhaps,” says the wary Squire. “By- and-bye. But you must really allow me to choose my own time for calling.” Business done.—In the absence of his esteemed Leader, Sace or QueEEN ANNe’s Gate endeavoured to raise debate on Crete. Didn’t raise it much. THE MILITIA OFFICER'S VADE MECUM. Question. What advantage do you derive from your commission as a commander in “the old constitutional force ?” Answer. The satisfaction of feeling that I am doing my best to secure my country from invasion. ; Is that sentiment universally influen- tia A. No; for the militia is sadly in need of officers. The roll is no less than 700 short of the authorised establishment. Q. Leaving out of the question your con- science, do you obtain other satisfaction ? A. Scarcely ; unless it be satisfactory to be sneered at by the regulars and jeered at by the volunteers. . Are there not social advantages at- taching to the commission of a Militiaman? | A. Undoubtedly. It is a qualification for | membership to the Senior Service Clubs, but as the elder sons go into the reserve, and the younger brothers to the active battalions, the former are eligible for in- stitutions of equal distinction. Q. Youcan put your rank on your cards? A. A questionable advantage, as the grade should be accompanied, to avoid ridicule, with the number of a militia bat- talion—a reference suggestive of amateur soldiering. Q. Is the training of the militia, then, mere child’s play ? A. ape x! not; as a battalion man- ages to get t rough more _— hara work in twenty-seven days the regu- lars do in a quarter, or even six months. . Is this fact recognised by the public and the Government ? A. The public know nothing about it, and the Government accept it officially, | and then ignore it. Q. Does not a commanding officer take | a pride in the efficiency of his militia regi- ment ? A. If he does, he is still haunted with | the knowledge that at the first talk of war about half of his men will be drafted into the active battalion, and their places sup- plied by raw recruits. Q. But surely he should be pleased to think that the militia is the nursery of the regular army ? . A. He might regard the reflection with satisfaction if he obtained the slightest re- cognition of his patriotic unselfishness. Q. Speaking asa patriot, how would you fill the vacancies in the commissioned ranks of the militia ? A. By causing all subalterns to pass from “the old constitutional force” into the regulars, and sending back season warriors into the battalions first associated with their names in the Army List. _ Q. Have you any reason for believing that this scheme is the best possible? — A. Yes; as it has already been received with general approval by a body of experts meeting recently at the Royal United Ser- vice Institution. : Q. Is such a gathering as that to which you refer to be relied on for sound sense? A. Unquestionably ; when its members are permitted to speak their minds without regard to the opinions i formulated in Pall Mall or at the an, 1 4PPOOS 6666666666564 SSS SSSSS SSS SSSSSsbbbObO w~ BEF amet sw

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