Punch 1897-03-20: Vol 112 Iss 2906

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THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE CO. (“sz (iss. ) Head Office: EDINBURGH. Accumulated Fund, 8 Millions Stg. NEW REDUCED y) 4 RATES. ‘& WITHOUT PROFITS. Branch ——— FOR PLEASURE AND PROFIT. 3 in India and the Colonics emer b 80 profitable and y to grow. Ro heres ot Saleabie Trees. Lists Free. Bushes in variety. Packing and Carriage free for Cash with order. 8 /+ per doz., O@/+ per 100, Ali other Nursery Stock carriage forward, wPOTS From 15/- a doz. Ornamental! Trees, 91 Acres, A GBuperd Coliection of = rbaceous Plants. Four Acres of Giass. Clematis 80,000 from 15 -doz. N.B ingle Plants are sold at slig wee increased prices. CENERAL CATALOCUE (Over 170 pages! of Nursery Stock, artistically prualuced, « ont some bundreds of illustrations, and full of valuable informatica, free om receipt of 3d. for postage Please mention this Papere of soemia, inf-ense “it has all (he good effects of sron without Electro-Plate, @e. 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| | | | | | Marc 20, 1897.] OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. A Boom tv Ngetson PLAYS SEEMS IMMINENT, 80 PLAVYGOERS MUST BE PREPARED FOR DIFFERENT IDEAS OF THE Hero or TRAFAIGAR, FROM NORTH TO SOUTH. (By a Nansensical Explorer.) “Tue awakening spirit of man reared its head high, and red over that mysterious region that lies between Lincoln’s Inn on the north, and the great and roaring Strand on the south. The mighty giant! The far-reaching limbs of the Law! In fact, the dismal district of the Law Courts. To make that passage from the north to the south has often been attempted. It can, and shall be done! And I will do it.” It was thus I mused as early in the month of April, in fact, upon the first day of that month, I set about the quest for which for long weeks I had been preparing. AsI leave my four-wheeler to take the plunge, how my mind goes back to scenes I have left. It is the first of April. A sunny-faced lad calls out, “Grandad, the pigs are in the back garden!” An old man’s trembling step. They are not there. “Yer April fool!” An angry ms and then, as the spring-day sun goes down, the sound of a stick falling with measured beat, and the voice of a child as if in pain. I wonder if they are thinking of me at home? I am well prepared for what is before me. I have not washed for a month. I have a pair of bands to fasten round my neck, and proclaim myself a practising barrister, should my way be barred. Some foolscap paper, neatly folded and tied round with bright red tape, to be flaunted if opposition be met with. Some counterfeit coins, to be passed if occa- sion should demand. As for food, I have no fear. The chart which is before me marks in red letters, “ Refreshment Bar,” at every endand turn. The brightened faces of those who pass out in hurrying streams, assure me that the supplies still hold out. So far then all is well. But the future! hat lies there are before me—I mean, what lies before me ? As I arrive at the inner door I find it cunningly contrived, so that he who comes out can thrust it straight on the nose of him who comes in, who in turn can re-thrust it with the same effect. So here, on the very threshold of this interesting region, I find something to engage my attention. A strong current sets here direct for Appeal Court No. 1. I cannot go into court. I have not got clean hands. The course due south has to be pursued. One is presently lost in a multitude of eddies. The sun is no longer with me. The corridors that lie before me are wrapped in gloom. My heart sinks. But why? Did I not know all this before I started? Then why did I start? I several times ask myself this question. I must have done this aloud, as I hear in the semi-darkness the voice of one saying, “ He’s tight.” _ Still onward! I must be near the Courts of Chancery. ere 18s a drowsy lull in the air. I see the old church at home. The collection bag comes round. What shall I get this time, I wonder? Are they thinking of me at home ? It must be after lunch. The stream is setting strongly in two directions. My chart shows me that to the right I shall find myself in the perils of the Probate and Divorce Division; while that to the left will gradually carry me to the straits of Sir Henry Hawkins. I choose the latter. I am getting nearer. The atmosphere grows warmer. I hear sounds as it were of merriment, rippling laughter. mime. I seem to hear the familiar cry of “ Here we are again!” I have passed the straits. I think of home and the panto-| The tide rolls down a twisted stair. | admirers will still prefer it as a book. The doors again remind me of those I felt now so long ago. I am asked what my business is. I make a quick reply. My collar is seized. I try to find my bands. Too late! I have got the chuck! I am in the Strand. I have done the trick. he deep peace of the spring evening sank beneficently over the wearied spirit. THE SONG OF HYBRIAS THE NORMAN. (After the Greek—and copy.) [See the Athens correspondence in a daily contemporary. | My wealth’s a style of purple brand, And some right good cheek, a hide untanned, And sleeve wherein I chuckle ; With these I wire, I scribe, I show Six Governments the way to go, While crowned heads round me truckle. Oh—oh—oh—oh ! I’ll make the Concert, hapless drones, Bid Crete in diapason tones To call me King and Lord “H. N.”’s her rightful Lord! OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Mr. Punch in his early youth-time—Mr. P.’s life is all youth- time, but the almanack requires comparison of dates—annually gave the world a pocket-book, stray copies of which are now among its most valued treasures. Probably incited by the great Exemplar, Mr. Burvetr has his pocket-book. Official Intelli- nce he calls the leaflet. which is published in four-horse vans rom the warehouse of Srorriswoops & Co. It is now in its sixteenth year, and in matters of size and fulness beats the most bouncing boy of the close of the so-called Nineteenth Century. It is, in sober truth, a marvel of compilation, a monument of industry. What it does not tell in regard of British, American, and Foreign Securities is not worth knowing. An ever-increas- ing difficulty is its size and weight. With office-rent so high in the City, merchants, companies, and banks, to all of whom Burdett’s Official Intelligence is indispensable, will soon have to consider the necessity of building a special annexe, fitted with hydraulic reading-stand, in which to store the Brobdingnagian volume. : hie More power to your elbow and your hand, with a pen in it, Mr. Antnony Hors, and may you give us many and many another such a stirring romance as is your latest Phroso to take us out of ourselves, our cares, and our troubles, and into the land of pure romance! Hors tells a fluttering tale of love, murder, noble heroism, villainous treachery, inducing the reader to watch a sort of point to point race among the characters until all ends happily, and hero and heroine reach their haven of well-earned rest. “Espoir! Espoir! C'est la premiere feuille,” and “la derniére feuille” is as good as the first. All action, no time wasted on useless descriptions; good stirring melodrama told in modern conversational style. No lover of true bustling romance should miss Phroso. Of couse it will be dramatised ; but that operation won’t hurt it much, and the majority of Mr. Antnowy Horsg’s Tue Baron, VOL, CXIT, N

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134 | PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Marcu 20, ° ~ ad AS ee F ~ THE TRANSVAAL CROMWELL. Oliver Kruger. ‘TAKE AWAY THAT BavsiEe!” [The judges of the Transvaal are made removable at the will of the Raad. (See ‘‘ Spsctator.’’) “The judges,” said the President, “‘ would have to abide by the voice of the Volksraad or go.”—TZimes, Feb. 25.]

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| read his monograph on ' ‘ | SPURTIVE SONGS. |

Marcu 20, 1897.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

A disconsolate Cavalier is reminded by a March gale of @ fickle Maiden, and, after desirung death, is cured by us influence, ] near the howling of the Wind ihe while the night is black and blind, And rain gusts crash against the eaves, The tempest shakes the tragile thatch And beats the straw it cannot catch Like flail upon the autumn sheaves. I hear the shouting of the Wind Calling for someone left behind, Forgotten, left too long on earth, lam the one recalled at last By all the tumult of the blast fo memories of May and mirth. I heard the laughter of the Wind Whispered in accents soft and kind— Ah, me! it was so long ago! We called them “ ripples ’mid the trees ” ‘Those accents of the wayward breeze I hat seemed our ev’ry thought to know. I heard the singing of the Wind, A melody composed to bind Our love for ever and a day In one harmonious song of Spring, Teaching us how we, too, might sing A ceaseless roundelay ! I hear the story of the Wind, And thus to-night the moral find, For now it wastes its strength on me ; The message inarticulate Means, “ After all it’s good to wait.” Windiike, like you, 1 will be free!

UNVERIFIED WAR RUMOURS. General H-nry L-b-cu-re has left for the Levant with a battery of air guns. It is rumoured that the Rev. H-ea Wart Price H-au-s has hoisted the Indepen- dent flag over the fortification of Canea. Field- Marshal J-n-me Kosmos J-R-ME and the Authors’ Brigade have been sent out to Selino at the expense of the Pub- lishers’ Union, They are armed with the new Log-rolling Machine Gun. One hundred British M.P.’s have been despatched telegraphically by the Suuran. Mr. W-.i1t-am W-1s-n has taken out letters of marque for the first time in his life. His departing privateer is called The Public J oy. In consequence of the Armenian atrocity in South London, there are rumours that Prince Groreg of Greece’s torpedo flotilla has sealed orders to repair to the mouth of the Thames and place itself under the orders of General Boorn. The G-nm-n Emp-r-z has invited Pre- sident Kr-G-r to block the Dardanelles. Mr. Gi-p-st-NE has sent a postcard to the leader of the insurgents urging him to Homer. Mr. T B-wi-s and Sir Exut-s Asa- | M-D B-rtt-tr have been deputed to col- lect the samphire now growing on the | Turkish men-of-war. Four socialists and two Nihilists, having | been entertained in the Prytaneum, have

left Athens. (Latest despatch.) Greece has been annexed by Crete with the full approbation of the Powers.

At the Hotel Cecil. Mrs. Jawker (to Mrs. Pawker from Cin- cinnati). So you’re leaving to-morrow ? Mrs. Pawker. Yes! I guess we must quit. Now that the Queen and Prince of Wales have both gone on ‘he Continong me and Mr. P. feel a kind o’ lonely.

“ BRUTES! Jones. “‘Dip YoU EVER SEE A VOLCANO IN CouRsE oF ExvrTion ?”’ Smith. ‘‘No—sut oxce I reMEMBER I CAME HOME VERY LATE FROM THE CLUB, AND my Wire——” [ The vw understand one another. «Byron Paz fridge 4 <

Mrs. H. I — agree with you. Why, At the Grand Military. Lady Busby (to Mr. Haversack). The worst of these meetings is that there are so many subs. about. , only just now I saw young Fiarrex of the 130th Foot walking about in spurs! [It may be added that young Fiarren was on his way to the weighing-room.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Marcu 20, 1897, THE PLEASURES OF HUNTING. No, ILL.—Tw#e PLEASUKE OF HAVING POUNDED THE FIELD AT A BIG WALL Is RATHER SPOILED BY FINDING YOU HAVE LANDED ‘ aNYHOW” Horse 18 GALLOPING ABOUT ON HIS BOWLING-GREEN ! In A CUCUMBER-FRAME BELONGING TO THE MOST RABID AN1I-FOX-HUNTER IN THE COUNTY, AND KNOWING THAT YOUR .THE WOTHERSPOONS. A Srory 1n Scenes. 1V. Scenz —The Drawing-room. Some moments have passed since SPENCER has mentioned the fact of his engagement, and he shows no disposition to become more communicative. Henrietta (impatiently). Well, Spex, can’t you see I’m dying to hear all about her. What is her other name besides Mercy ? Spencer (feeling that here, at least, he is on safe ground). Mari- GOLD, my dear, Mercy Manrico.p. Henr. What a pretty name! I don’t remember meeting—— When were you introduced to her first, Spencer ? Spen. (with embarrassment). Why, there was—er—no regular introduction. It all came about through my walking up to town through Kensington Gardens. There was a seat where I sat down to rest—occasionally, you know. And she was always there, and—whether it began by my making some remark about the child Henr. The child! widow P Spen. (reassuringly). No, Erta, my dear, no. Ha-ha, I’m not quite She isn’t a widow, anyway. The child wasn’t her own. She—she was only in charge of it. Henr. But I don’t understand. How in charge of it ? Spen. (moistening his lips). Well, it’s best I should tell you at once. (Desperately.) She was a sort of—well, what you might call by way of being—a nurse, you know, a nurse. Henr. (to herself, horrified). And 1 told Frrrz I had no con- Spencer, you’re not going to marry a nections his family could possibly——- (Aloud.) A nurse, Spencer! Howcould you? What induced you to—to—— Oh, you can’t mean it! — Through Spen. If you knew all the circumstances, my dear- no Fault of her own—no fault whatever of her own, she would have been turned out of her situation to face the world all alone, poor little girl, if—— Henr. Poor little girl? Then she’s not Why, how old is she, Spencer ? Spen. Pon my word, I couldn’t say, exactly. The—the usual age, 1 suppose. Henr. You must have some idea. Is she my age ? Spen. Your age! Bless me, no. A good twenty years younger, I should say. enr. t makes her twenty-five, while you are—— SpeEn- cer, how can you expect her to feel any real—— ? Spen. But she does, Erra, that’s the astonishing part of it, she does. If it hadn’t been for that ! Henr. Ah, Spencer, I can’t think you are acting wisely in marrying anyone so much younger than yourself. Spen. If it comes to that, my dear, I might remark that you are scarcely the person Henr. (colourtng). The two cases are absolutely different, Spencer. Frirz is considerably older than this girl, and I am some years younger than you are. And he is of good, if not noble, family, while she is a—a domestic servant. Spen. She’s very different from the ordinary nursemaid, Err. When you see her to-morrow—— Henr. Spencer, you won’t have her here to-morrow? not to meet Farrz! Spen. Why not? Who is Fritz that he should——? I have just come from her, Erra. She is staying with a kind of relation of hers at Shepherd’s Bush. She doesn’t seem very comfortable there, and I hoped that, for my sake, at least, you would have her here to stay—just till we are married, you know. Henr. I can’t; you are asking too much, Spencer. You don’t know Frirz’s feelings about those things. If he even guessed that he was going to have a sister-in-law who had been in service, he might—he might feel compelled to break off our engagement. Spen. If he’s such a snob as all that, I shouldn’t say he would be much of a loss. Henr. But I love him, Spex. And it isn’t snobbery at all. You can’t expect anyone belonging to an ancient race like the Von Gusiers not to have strong prejudices. If you have the slightest consideration for me, you will not allow this girl and Fritz to meet for the present. Spen. (grimly). Are they to dodge one another in and out of the hous like the little man and woman in a weather cottage, then. Is that your idea, Erra, eh?

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Marcu 20, 1897.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL Henr. Oh, Spencer, if you would but give it up altogether! We might have been so happy together, you and I and Farrz, while now—— Spen. (gloomily). Yes, this changes everything. I see that. The same house won’t hold you and me any longer, Erta. Well, Mercy and I must look out tor other quarters, that ’s all. Henr. But, Spznoger, where would you go? Why, our joint income is only just enough to——, and we’ve no rent to pay here. And you’d never be happy away from here! Spen. I know all that. It will be a wrench; but what can I do? I daresay we shall settle down somewhere farther out of town. Henr. No, Srsn, it’s your house as much as mine. If—if one of us must go, I will be the one. I sha’n’t mind it—much. Spen. Nonsense, Henrietta. Do you suppose I’m going to let you turn out of this house when 1 don’t even know whether this Frirz of yours is in a position to support you decently ? You ’ll be comfortable enough here when I’m gone. Henr. Without you, Sren? No, I should never be comfort- able while I felt 1 was the cause—— And then, there’s the furniture that was in the old house at Camberwell when we were children. Father left it to you, Spznogr, and you must take it. And the portraits, and most of the other things. Spen. Do you think I don’t know it would break your heart to part with ’em. Besides, we—we’re not likely to have much room for them—in lodgings. Henr. In lodgings! Oh, Spencer, it does seem such a pity we should separate like this, such a pity! Spen. (impatiently). Of course it’s a pity. And I have been hoping. ut if you insist on marrying a foreigner fellow who considers himself too grand to associate with my wife, what can you expect—what on earth can you expect ? Henr. If she had only been a lady, Spzncer. Spen. A lady? She is a lady. She’s thoroughly refined; speaks correct grammar, and—and all that sort thing. It’s the merest accident that she’s had to go out as a nurse; her | father was a gentlemaa-farmer, lost all his money, Sones agri- cultural depression, and died, I believe. I should have m4 | Henguerta, I should gee this would have softened your | heart to the poor child, i | Henr. But—but you never told me all that before! So long as she’s a lady Spencer, why shouldn’t we live all four of us | together? It would be much the best plan! Spen. (dubiously). If it could be managed, my dear, if it could be managed. But it would be rather a tight fit, and then—sup- pose Mercy didn’t get on with Frrrz? Henr. She couldn’t help it, Fritz is so placid and even-tem- | pered that, even if she wanted to q Spen. Mercy quarrel! Why, she has the sweetest nature, the | gentlest disposition—couldn’t do it if she tried! | Henr. Then they shall meet to-morrow, and if she is all you | say, Spencer, I am sure Fritz would be the first to—— How de- | lightful it would be if we can only arrange not to se te! | Spen. We shall see, my dear, we shall see. (J'o himself.) | After all, if this fellow’s confounded family pride should lead him to——, it would only save poor Erra from an act of downright | insanity. Henr. (to herself). At the worst, Farrz, with his calm, practi- cal common-sense, might make poor Srencer see how foolishly infatuated he will be ifi———- (Aloud.) Really, Spzncen, I’m be- ginning to feel quite hopeful that it will all come right, somehow. Spen. Are you, Erra? Soam I, my dear, so am I. THE CREWS ON THE RIVER. Report (nearly) in Common Form. Again the Eights put in an appearance at Putney. The first | embarked opposite the Leander, and their opponents a little lower _down. The coaches looked after matters -_ their respective steam launches, and the crowd was, as usual, enormous. uch ood work was done. A spin from The Doves to Hammersmith sridge was accomplished at thirty-four strokes to the minute. Here “Halt” was called and the crew paddled quietly to the Limes. Then the men prepared for a strong row. Keeping to the centre of the river so as to avoid the cross-currents, they com- menced at thirty-five and gradually increased until they touched forty-two. Again there was a pause, and after a little further paddling the crew disembarked and went home. Of course it is too soon to give a final opinion upon the merits of the competing sixteen. Before the race there is plenty of time for improve- ment, and no doubt both crews will take advantage of the patent possibility. But writing at the moment it is necessary to say that one of the sixteen does not finish right home with the handle of his oar in his chest ; that another skies his blade badly ; that a Uncle Dick, ‘An ves, CRICKET 18 A FINE GAME, NO DOUBT—A VERY Fine Game. Bur Foorsatt now! Tuar's THE GAME TO MAKE your Harr cur.!” Miss Dulcie (meditatively). ‘‘Do you PLAY FoorsaL. muca, Unciet” third slightly feathers under water, and a fifth is scrappy. And I say all this that it may be believed (by the less thoughtful of my ow b~ that in spite of evidence to the contrary I really do know something about it. NOT O. K, (By a Slumped Speculator,) On, what a lot of things depress the market with uneasiness, Catastrophes that catch old birds as much as any tyro ; We now connect bad news each day with names that have the sound of K ' ‘ As Krvorr, Korze, Kaiser, Crete, Constantinople, Cairo. Last year it was about the same, for crushin complications came From CLEeve.anp ; let us calmly hope McKin.ey may be wiser. Then Cameron and Cuba rose, and sent shares down with news like those . ; Of Krvorr, Korze, Cairo, Crete, Constantinople, Kaisen. From Krugersdorp, and from the Cape, news lowered prices on the tape, : The Cairo Court decided that the Caisse must not pay what’s a Considerable sum. Before, that — disturbed us more, O Kaiser, Kavorr, Cairo, Crete, Constantinople, Korze! In sympathy, too, down are sent the rails in Canada or Kent, Coolgardie mines, and companies of cocoa or of sugar, (Excuse the rhyme that follows) I can only give one reason why— That’s Kaiser, Korze, Cairo, Crete, Constantinople, Knvonn. Neptune’s Cross.—For further particulars apply during a gale in the channel.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Marcn 20, 1897, DISADVANTAGES OF THE MIXED PARTY SYSTEM. Just as Jemmy Lambold thought he had secured the opportunity so long denied him, up comes that young Rupert (reen. **ComE ALONG, Our DANCE YOU PROMISED.” Miss FortTEscus ! (And she keeps her promise, too.) A LENTEN LAY. "Tis now the jocund time of Lent, And parsons all are most intent Each as to how it should be spent, Their views advancing. Have I dore anything they 've taught ? Have I denied soul in aught? I fear not. Yet—on second thought— } Matron (laying down her pen). I’ve given up dancing! give you five minutes, . ! No more I urge my wild career | penal Rin ma be bere, poy Al rou ? In “ Washingtons” with you, my dear; | 8 . ae dual l ves 7 - With you no more my course I steer Do ay mind reading this ese In waltz entrancing. u, — b li People may say, as people will, me > is ~~ bm aa tne ty Ces i Hoe ping Bh still True bill!) Spinster. It is rather complicated. But ‘ery 4 ‘. Oey pea I may say that the object we have in view ve Given Up Sasomes! is to obtain the equality of the sexes. Matron. Then my husband should also be present ; but, unfortunately, poor man, he 1s hard at work in the City. Spinster. So he should be! But I don’t want to see him, but you. Matron. That seems to be rather a | single-sided arrangement. Surely he | should hear any advantages that you have in store for both of us. TALK versus WORK. ScENE—A boudoir suitably furnished. TimMeE— Before the meeting of ** The Ladies’ Congress for the Discovery of Congenial Employme nt for Females with Nothing to do.” M ATRON at her desk surrounded by tradesmen's books. Enter to her Pusuine SPINsTEr. I can One other Lenten exercise Of mine might well excite surprise- I’ve lately shunned your sweet blue eyes Like sunshine glancing ! You’re miles away at Cannes, ’tis true, But still—to give a man his due— Just now attendance, dear, on you I've given up dancing! j es | Spinster. Man has selfishly protected his New Susvursan Distaict APPROPRIATELY | own interests for centuries. Namev.—Jerry-cho. | Matron. Indeed! Well, the world has gone on very well, in spite of it. Spinster. That is regarding the subject | from a very low level. Our object is to Joint Action. have The Roman butchers gone on strike. teach our sisters that we have a mission | that most of us have neglected. 1t’s just as well my Matron (laughing). He would de- husband is not present. clare that I neglect nothing. Spinster. Fancy adopting the opinion of a mere man! Matron. Why not, if the judgment is favourable ? Spinster. I can see that you have never seriously considered the responsibilities of the situation. Matron. Maybe; but I have a good many other matters claiming my atten- tion. (Looking at her watch.) And that reminds me that three minutes are up, and I can only spare you two minutes — for an explanation. inster. Two minutes! Why, my dear x. m, it would take me hours to de- | scribe only a tithe of our grievances. Matron. If that be so, I am afraid we must defer the recital to a more favour- able opportunity. Spinster. But you will at least come to our congress ? Matron. Should be delighted, only, you see, my good girl, I have to attend to the house and the children! (Curtain. APPROPRIATE SHAKSPEARIAN Motto FOR A Fira or ApvertiIstne AGEnts.—“ Posters of the sea and land.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI —Marcu 20, 1897. ‘a e MM aa “YOU GO FIRST!”

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Marcu 20, 1897.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. 141 MARIAGE DE CONVENANCE. Union of the Great Heiress, Miss Polly Naris, with the Hon, Joe Hannis. x = wine : 3,430 4n al hI 1 i, aT ti os YS dee” a Veto « Nuptial Duet, My PHiz I8 MY FORTUNE, SIR, SHE #AID, SIR, SHE SAID, My PHIZ 18 MY FORTUNE, Miss, ## SAID, [‘ A very large annual saving, nearly £17,000, is anticipated as the result of the amalgamation of the Apollinaris and Johannis Companies.— Zimes, hat City Article, March 11. “O happy pair!”’ exclaims Mr. Punch. “ an economical young couple ! ’’} LBs OS a a AS YOU WERE! (‘It is said that, in order to commemorate ‘the Diamond Jubilee,’ the fashions of this season are to conform as closely as possible to those of 1837.” Daily Paper.) Monday night.—Greatly struck by this sentence. Strange that no one should have recognised earlier that this is by far t most appropriate way of honouring Her Majesty, and, person- ally, I intend to put the idea into practice at once, ond tasiee ack, as far as possible, the glories cate years ago. The true object of loyalty must be, to evel inking man . . . Suddenly remember that I am writing by electric light. No electric light in 1837, so switch it off, and light candles. As I was saying, the true object of loyalty . . . Horrible thought! I am using a steel nib—an invention of recent and degraded years. After much search, discover a a: it splutters painfully, and —- my writing quite illegible. But what does that matter, | When I can reflect that I am using the implement employed in the year of our Queen’s Accession? As I was about to remark, the btm object. of loyalty, to every thinking man must be . . . At i moment WILLIAM enters with a Totter. He regards my igntod candles with some surprise, and enquires whether the | pe wy light has gone wrong, as it is all right in the other rooms. ; take the oppeeeany of explaining my plan to him, to which e eee gravely, “ Yes, Sir ;” but T hear disconcerting sounds, - of half-suppressed guffaws, directly he has left the room. The etter proves to be from Jonzs, reminding me that I am due to visit him at Exeter to-morrow. Resume my unfinished sentence - to every thinking man must be” . . . Strange, | have tor- — the ae it. will goto bed. Twesday.—W hile dressing, suddeniy remember that | must go to Exeter by coach—no trains in 1537. After many cunuistth, tail to find a coach running beyond Guildford. Ought to * post ” the remainder of journey, but this is too expensive, so determine to stay at home. Walk to the post-oltice to send Jones a wire, expiaining reason of my non-appearance, Luckily | remember just in time Une gross anachronism of this p —no telegraphs in 1537! Will write later, and ask Jupson, our Member, tor a “frank.” Probably he wul be until he understands that it is part of my scheme for commemorating the longest reign. 1 announce my pian to my tamily, who display a deploravie want of enthusiasm, especially when 1 explain that dinner is to be at six o’clock. Sterniy rebuke KrHeL, whom | detect in the act of mounting her bike. Bicycles in 1887, indeed! Compel her to come in-doors, and set her to work a sampler. In the afternoon I drive in the park, and make my footman ride postilion, to which he greatly objects. but everyone of any position had a postion course of the evening, Tommy, my youngest son, asks me to give him a tennis-raquet as his next birthday present. 1 decline, explaming that there was no lawn- tennis in 1837, but that. he can have a bow and arrows, if he likes. He murmurs at this suggestion, and is not appeased when in- formed of my resolve to make him wear a high hat this year whenever he piays cricket. But, as 1 point out, what does his personal comtort matter, when he has a chance of displaying his 1oyalty? Sixty years ago everyone played cricket in a top hat. Dine at six, and, having got rid of my wife and daughter, begin to drink the two bottles ot port which every gentleman (in 15s/) used to consume after dinner. Doctor would say bad for gout— what doctorsh knowboutit? Half-don’sh seconbottl’, Dmrnksh Queen’s healths. Feel alsh-the-better. Sing nanthemish-ational —no, nationalanthem—can’t ’member words, Ain’ goin-to-bedeh —mush-make a lit’-speech . . . longesh-reign, y'know! W ednesday.—Strangely enough, 1 have a severe headache this morning. Doubtless it ws caused by the early hour at which I dined yesterday. But, if | cannot be consistent in returning to the ways of 1837, I may as well abandon the scheme altogether. And, as my family do not seem to enter into the spirit of it, and my triends are not sympathetic, while my servants unanimously threaten to give notice, perhaps I had better see whether “ The Diamond Jubilee” cannot be commemorated in some other way | “THE SEVENTEENTH OF MARCH IN THE MORNING,” (Extract from the Diary of a true Son of Erin.) Never felt in such trim in all my life. Have an excellent shillelagh, and one of the sweetest tail-coate that ever yet was seen. it seems to be hungering to be trodden upon, and the day the best in the year for a little pleasant diversion. Look at that now! And ail that is wanted is a subject for argument. But where will I get one? Everybody seems to have forgotten about Extra Taxation. Not that that mattered much, as there was too much agreement between friends and neighbours. How can you break a head when there ’s ne’er a bit open to discussion ? Then, Home Rule was an elegant subject entirely, but it seems to have taken a back seat. Sure all the glories are gone, and the old country is more distressful than ever! Look at that now! But that’s not the worst of it. Unless a gentleman can be in two places at once he can’t contend against himself. And here am I i dene, without a soul within reach of a tap on the head for the sake of a reminder. Why, even a Kilkenny cat would feel lonesome without company. The other cat is necessary for a rollicking controversy. So there ’s nothing to be said but bad luck to peace and hurrooh for a row—when I can get it! Two Lines witnout a Not.—In The Kent Argus for March 6 appeared the following notice : — “ The Thanet Harriers will meet at 11.30 on Tuesday, March 9, at Broom- field; Friday, March 12, at Herne Street. The Commitsee request that every care should be taken to ride over seeds, roots, and newly-planted ground.” How liberal of the Committee! How nice for the farmers! No more “’Ware wheat, gentlemen! ’Ware roots, gentlemen! "Ware seeds!” But on we go, for’ardy, for’ardy, all among the wheat, the roots, and the seeds of all sorte! Rare sport! Axiom sy aN Entuvusiastio Cyciist.—The wheel, not the rider, is always tyred. Gonz 10 Preces.—Newson at the Olympic and the Avenue.

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142 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Marcu 20, 1897. Ke WT 97. STABLE TALK. The General. ‘‘THat’s A FUNNY sont OF Horsrk you ‘ve Gor THERE, CUTHBERT.” Cuthbert. “‘ Yes, Guan'pa, Wiyrea!” You sEE HE'S BEEN ‘EATING HIS HEAD OFF’ ALL THE AUGUSTE EN ANGLETERRE, Lon pon. Dear Mister,—After to have visited the | Bank and the Stockexchange, I am gone to see the Tower of London. I go by the Railway under Ground. See there still a curiosity of your great town, of which I must speak in my guide. I go of good hour to the station of Char- ve eye and I demand at the guwichet a ticket to the Tower. Without doubt there finds herself there a station. Some mis- ters very pressed, as all the world at Lon- don, attend impatiently behind me. The employed responds, “Macléne!” What droll of exclamation! It is perhaps an in- terrogation in the argot of eaten. I re- peat therefore, more slowly and very dis- tinctly, “ Will you to give to me a ticket of first class to go and return to the station of the Tower.” “Macléne!” repeats he. And the misters, so pressed, push me still more, and cry also “ lane!” “What is this that this is then that this word there ?” I demand to them very politely. Truly the french language dates from an epoch be- fore that of the railways and of the great commerce. For to say a phrase as “ Qu est-ce que c'est done que ce mot-la?” he wants the infinite leisure, the gracious calm, of a library of monastery middle age, or of a saloon of the last century. For the Rail- way under Ground he must to say but “Quoi?” all short. “What?” I demand. “Macléne!” repeat they furious. Then one of these misters says to me some words, which I comprehend at pain, in britannic french, “Vou étes frongsé, maounsiah? Je pahle frongsé. Macléne é oune gah. Le gah pouah le touah, com- prennéf” “Mister,” I respond to him, “I speak english. What is then Macléne ?” “ The station for the Tower,” sayshe. Thus in fine I comprehend, I take the ticket, on the which I see the name “ Mark Lane,” and I descend the staircase. Naturally it is not the first time that I voyage by the Railway under Ground. Truly I should not be desolated if it were the last! But ] must to study all the londonian habitudes. I go you to write after that I have voyaged. Agree, &., AvGusTs. “GANDER’S HOLIDAY.” I. Away beside the sad sea waves My wife for has gone ; All household trouble thus she saves, But I am left alone. ul. ’Tis true there still remain for me Of comfort sundry crumbs, For at the club I much can be, To mingle with my chums. ml. I need not rise before ’tis light, Or go to bed at ten, ’ I can sit up the livelong night Like naughty single men. 1v. And yet I miss her gentle tace, Her gentle chidings, too, Which tell me with a quiet grace The things I ought to do. v. So as from daily work I come, Oft to myself I say “ Better a hen-pecked life at home Than gander’s holiday.” The Trade follows the Colour. Mrs. Miffkins (to pork butcher). I want two pounds of sausages. Which do you recommend, Mr. Suiice, Oxford or Cam- bridge ? Mr. Slice. Well, ma’am, I need scarcely say that the sympathy of most ladies is with the Light Blues this year. IN A SLOW TRAIN. ‘* Look out for squalls” —on land or sea— Where duty or where pleasure calls, A golden rule it seems to be, Look out for squalls. Yet in a train that slowly crawls Somehow it most appeals to me. For then sometimes, it so befalls, An infant on its mother’s knee In my compartment Fate instals— Which makes a nervous man, you see, Look out for squalls ! “WHEN Dutch WILLIAM came over to England from Holland it was on a King Jameson raid.” —Extract from very original New History of Enyland, by Sir G. B-w-r, subject to careful editing by Sir W. V.- H-re-rt. Unpiseuisepty 1y Hor Water.—Art in the Brompton Boilers. Map in Germany.—A spinster of Berlin.

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| Mancn 20, 1897.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 143 WHEN GREEK (?) MEETS TURK (?) Ir is stated that numerous Englishmen have offered their services to the Greek Government, and that the Turkish Govern- ment has received similar offers from many other Englishmen. As both these Govern- ments are practically bankrupt, why waste not their money, bor they have none, but their credit, such as it 1s, by travelling to Crete, or Athens, or Constantinople [ How much better to fight comfortably in London, three hundred on each side, the Horatii and the Curiatii of to-day. This scheme would also be more sensible, since the £1,200 odd subscribed for Greece would hardly pay all the expenses of a war with Turkey, and the few hundred gallant Englishmen on either side could hardly defy the united forces of the Great Powers. Then what stirring headlines we should read every morning :— ENCAMPMENT OF THE TURKS AT PARK CRESCENT. Tue Greeks AT CHARING Cross, Exprecrep Batrie In REGENT SrReEeEt. THe Evers MARBLEs. RumovRED RECONNAISSANCE BY THE TURK. Tue Greek GUARD INCREASED TO EicuHrt. Turkish Barus BomBARDED. VALOUR OF THE GREEKS, Tue Barus CLUB DECLARED NEUTRAL. SraTves IN GREEK COSTUME DESTROYED BY THE TURKS. UNIVERSAL REJOICINGS. REPRISALS BY THR GREEKS ON OTHER STATUES, INCREASED REJOICINGS. OLYMPIA BESIEGED BY THE TURKS. SorRTIE OF THE GREEK GARRISON. ARRIVAL OF REINFORCEMENTS BY HAMMER- SMITH OMNIBUS. A Moror-Car 1n ACTION. Serious Insurn¥Y TO THE GREEK COLONEL’s UMBRELLA. Loss or A TurkisnH OrrFicer’s Fez. Tue Bestzcers’ CoMMISSARIAT. Fresn Suppiies or Ranat LAkovum, PRIVATIONS OF THE GARRISON, Noruine to Drink But GREEK WINES, “CONSULE BILIOTTI.” {Sir Atrrep Brxrortr, our Consul in Crete, saved by his personal exertions at Candanos man” thousand Moslem lives. The King of the Hellenes | blames the English Consul’s overbearing conduct. } In the midst of the strife, And war to the knife, O’er a question fierce and knotty, Let us sing to the praise, *Mid the death-strewn maze, Of Sir Atrrep Brrrortr. No craven was he _Who could put to sea, Saving thousands by pluck and daring. Let King Grorcs have his say, But we ‘ll cheer the way Of our Consul’s overbearing ! In the Managing Editor’s Room. Master Printer. Any orders for the bill | to-morrow ? |. Managing Editor. No, the same head- ings will do—“Greece Defiant, Powers Alert, Mohammedans Massacred, and—— pay, set up “CRETE AS USUAL.” Everyone will understand that. Norte sy ovr Caampron CarD-PLAYER.— A woman’s hand is like one at écarté. If you propose she won’t accept unless she | holds the King of Trumps—generally up her sleeve. ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE Diary or Tory, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, March 8. —House crowded for a Monday. At four o’clock this afternoon time a grace for Greece was up. Peace or war depends upon answer she shall give to Collective Note. Members hold their breath as they wait to hear what news Prince Artuur brings. Captain Norton discovered on his feet making semaphore signals towards Treasury Bench. This looks ominous. Norron has which, as each Bobby passes, he sullenly “- price of a pair of ts. ‘his robbing of Demne to pay Marrnew excites deepest indignation in martial mind of gallant Captain. Home Secretary la- boriously explains that it is all a mistake. Boot is, in fact, on the other leg. Men profit, rather than lose, by the new system. “Am Ito gather from that answer,” said the ex-cornet, in sepulchral voice, “ that the men will practically be defrauded out of a pair of boots?” 9 Guite the contrary,” said Sir Marrnew. This presumably means that they will be 4 Sim Matruew “Coitecrs” rm Cantron Howse Teenace! (** Quite the contrary smelt powder, serving as cornet in the Royal Irish Lancers. Silence falls on crowded House. All eyes turned upon the Captain semaphoring like mad. At length catches eye of Matrnew Waite Riviey. Captain’s concern turns out to have no- thing to do with Crete, Greek aspirations, or, save indirectly, with the Peace of Eu- rope. Wants to know about the London Bobby’s boots. Got it into his head that Home Secretary has approved dark design whereby, as he put it, “each man of the force is to advance the value of a pair of boots to the authorities.” Quickened im- agination sees Carlten House Terrace flooded with police off ye + On ‘.~ of No. 10 stands massive re of Home Szcretary, holding collection plate, into " of the actual fart!) defrauded into « pair. The Captain not to be put off with sophism of that kind. “Mr. Speaker, Sir,” he said, his voice now appropriately dropping into his boots, | “I would like to ask whether, if the boots are made to last longer than they have hitherto lasted the men are not thereby defrauded out of a certain amount of shoe-leather?” (Observe how deftly the Captain twice inserts the last into the policeman’s stub- born boots.) Conundrum too much for Home Srcne- tary. Attempted no answer. House turned to other subjects with uneasy conviction that there is more in these policemen’s boots than meets the eye. Business done.—Captain Norton smells arat. He sees it moving in the air.

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“4 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Marca 20, 1897. Tuesday. — Conference in Committee Room No. 14 on Financial Relations be- tween Great Jiritain and Ireland met to- day to elect Chairman. Conference most remarkable sign of times. Includes Irish- men of all parties and sections. Dillonite, Redmondite, Healyite, Hittite (the most universal denomination), Unionist, Catho- lic, Orangeman, each all one in their desire to get something out of the Imperial Ex- chequer. Miss Lord Morris from the mélange. Thinking about him just now when looking back through the glowing pages of The Eve of St. Agnes. You remember how, when As soon as these over, J. W. enters, with air of man who has just dined, and posi- tively p ses to go on with Committee ! Rarely heard such a roar as rises from throats of famished Radicals. If they had known what was in store, might, between three and eight, have taken a little bread with their water. But expected the usual interval, either with the Speaker or the Chairman out of the Chair. LowrTner, who seemed to hungry, feverish eyes to grow plumper every mmute, turned deaf ear to entreaty. He wasn’t hungry, and the first duty of a patriot is owed to his country. So called on Lampert to “WHAT, NEVER? WELI, HARDLY EVER! (The only occasion when he did!) George C-z-n. “* Now look he just as I tell you there ’ll be a European War!” (In answer to Mr. Sw-ft M-cN-ll, Mr. C Porphyro secretly makes his way on St. Agnes’s Eve into the house of his foeman, the father of his love, an old beldame, shuffling along with ivory-headed wand, warns him to flee. To that end she recites the names of his enemies lodged in the Castle. “Then,” she says, ** There 's that old Lord Maurice, not a whit More tame for his grey hairs.”’ The name is spelt differently ; but ortho- graphy of proper names is arbitrary, and poets aren't particular. The passage is notable for a remarkable forecast, proving once more how the t is a seer. We hardly think of our Lord Morris as old. But there are the grey hairs, and, truly, no note of added tameness. He would be great acquisition to Conference: though Sark says he would probably feel more at home if the meetings were held in Com- mittee Room No. 15. Business done.—Education Bill in Com- mittee. Thursday.—‘ I wonder what cold Chair- man of Committees would be like,” said Sark just now, looking hungrily at plump figure of J. W. Lowrner. “ With a choice of pickles, it might do.” It was ten minutes past nine. just taken Chair; debate on Education sill resumed. Since three o’clock in the afternoon some of us been at it, first on London Water Bills, then with questions. J. W. ar, you fellows, don't you bring it too ne—ar me! If you don’t do -z-n said he never read the Daily News.) move his amendment, which stood next on the paper. Lampert tried to rise in obedience to order. Effort too much for him. With assistance of two Members, almost as ema- ciated as himself, he was propped on his feet. A pitiful det — tinue sunken, eyes glazed, beard and moustache literally starved off his face, leaving it bare. In voice as hollow as his inside, he leaded for opportunity to get a crust of read. Chairman obdurate. Members in their agony looked to Front Opposition Bench; discovered Squire or Matwoop not there. Where was he? Possibly eating a slice of mutton, whilst they were starving. The very thought of the succu- lent morsel filled them with new frenzy. Turning aside for moment from the Chair- man, they roared, “Harcourt! Har- court!” In few moments Squire came in, trying to look as if he hadn’t seen roast mutton since yesterday. Betrayed himself by vigour with which he fronted Chairman, insisting on adjournment. No man could have spoken with equal force upon abso- lutely empty stomach. Nothing would move Chairman. Evi- lot concocted in Whip’s dently a deep Room. Closure having proved only partly effective in subduing spirit of Opposi- tion to Education Bill, try starvation now. Sole concession made from Chair was that Committee might divide on mo- tion to report progress. Nothing came of this but loss of another mortar on hour, and the dragging round division lobby of tottering forms. Ministerialists, com- fortably dining, rushed in to vote against adjournment. Having defeated motion by two to one, went back to finish their din- ner, leaving a few skeletons to rattle their bones in defiance of Clause I. of Education Bill. Business done.— Opposition nearly starved to death. Friday.—Sarx hears curious rumour about intention of the gallant Hundred, who the other day telegraphed (at some- body else’s expense) to King of Gresce, bidding him fight on, and let them hear oc- casionally how he fared. Have agreed that their position would be more imposing, their encouragement to Greece more effect- ive, if they wore some outward and visible sign of their brotherhood. Frank Locxwoop proposes simple con- trivance. The national costume of Cretans suggests that, dressing in haste, they have left outside their trousers a garment which, in civilised countries, is more usually tucked within. Why should not the signa- tories of that noble telegram chow their sympathy for the Cretans by adopting a modification of their national dress? The Garibaldians, whom they most resemble, made the red shirt historic. The appear- ance in the lobby or on floor of the House of honourable Members wearing outside their trousers the white shirt of a blame- less life, would certainly at first attract attention. But bold spirits dare anything. Sark says he wouldn’t be at all aston- ished any night tc see Jonn ANTHONY and Sace or Queen Anne’s Gate enter the House arm in arm thus picturesquely arrayed. Business done.—Navy Estimates. WHERE SHALL WE CO “FOR A CHANCE?” Wuere shall we go “for a change?” The answer to this question, says one ot Mr. Punch’s experienced Directors of Pub- lic Attention, is “Go and see Uco Bronn1 at the Tivoli.” One man in his time plays several parts, but only one man, in his time, which is from about 9.30 to 10 or thereabouts every evening, can represent some fourteen different characters (in- cluding conducting the orchestra as repre- senting various popular composers), chang- ing costume, face, and manner, over and over again, and that one man is Ueo Bronpt. His dexterity is really marvellous. He is several single gentlemen rolled into one, and he is also a couple of totally dis- similar ladies. Of Uco Bronpr it is impos- sible to say, as Dickens said of the enter- tainer, that on every occasion, after he had disappeared under the table to assume a new disguise, “he reappeared more like himself than ever.” It would be difficult to recognise the original Ueo Bronp1, but for the voice. It is a triumph of dexterous transformation. In this line he is facile princeps, or Victron Uco! Another real attraction here is Mr. James Fawn, “the timid Fawn,” singing “Is it Love?” Irre- sistibly funny. At the Goat and Compasses. First Horny-handed Son of Toil (to Second Ditto). So your boss is what they calls a mean man? Second Ditto. “Mean” ain’t the word for ‘im! ’E’s the sort o’ cove as ‘ud steal an ‘a’-penny paper out of a Free Library, and think he wos benefitin’ Hedication. B acai ana an Gee

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Mancu 20, 1897. LI QUEURS OF THE | 7 Gt CHARTREUSE. These delicious Liqueurs, which “ne ve come so much into public tavour on account of their won de: ful properties of aiding -~ 4 mn and pr vent lyape an now be had of all the Bel i: jal Wine and Spirit Merchants, ARR and all good Ho ? els and Kestau t the Kingdom Bole Consigner, 5, Crutched Friars, Loudon, &.C. HOWARD BEDFORD. Pk .. Harrows, Cultivators, ee 1akers, Horse Rakes, Straw Trussers, Mowers, 3 Oil Engines, & Light always. PHOTOGRAPHIC SIMPLICITY, — ASTIIAN’S POCKET and BULL’ S=EYE KODAK CAMERAS. Loaded in Daylight. No. 2 BULL'S-EYE&. The Pocket. _ Price £1 1s. Makes pictures 1§ X 2 inches. The No. 2 Bull s-Eye. Price £1 136. kes pictures 3) X 3) inches. The No. f Bull’ s-Eye. Price £2 10s, akes pictures 5 X 4 inches, EASTMAN Photographic Materials Co. Ltd. 115-117 Oxford Street, London, W. sf e Vendome gt Ma daputt on Strasse. Rochester, N.Y., U.S.A, Eastman Kodak Co. CIGARES} , JOY fe HAR ES DE JOY (Joy’s Cigarettes) afford vediate reli, in cases of ASTHMA, WH EZING, andCHRONIC BRONCHITIS. Appreciated by Physicians and sufferers all wer the world Easy to use, certain in eff and harmless in action, aot oceeeaminad ‘or use by young and old. Chemists & Stores. oxes of 35 at 2s. 6d., or post free from OX & CO.,83, Mortimer St., » London, w. aaa)) YOUR | CHILDREy DFRIDGES PATENT COOKED FOOD ELEVEN | YEARS OLD, This Grand Old Whiskey is a blend of the produce of the most famous High land Small Stilis. 265s. the Gall., 50s. the Dozen. Cash only Sample bottle pest free on receipt of P.O. for 4s. 8d RICHD. MATHEWS & CO., 2% and %, HART ST... BLOOMSBURY, WC. Bold by all Leavino Meacuawrs throughout Is pts and the Coton res. For Delicate Children. | SQUIRE'S CHEMICAL FOOD. AT ALL CHEMISTS anv STORES, ano oF SQUIRE & SUNS, Her Majesty's Chemists, 413, OXFORD STREET, LONDON. FOR COMPLAINTS of the STOMACH, LIVER, de., DRINK VICHY GELESTING syn Sold by all Chemists, Druggists, and Grocers throughout the Kingdom. Sole Importers: INGRAM & ROYLE, 52, 2, FARRINGDON STREET, LONDON, E.C. In Bottles, 2s., 3s. 6d., & 6s. each. bas ad PERFECT MECHANISM | FRERES’ FIRST QUALITY CHAMPAGKE, EVERY HOME is beautified by PHOTOGRAPHS anv PHOTOCRAVURES | “HO OAPTER CELEBRATED PICTURES. | lUustrated 1 Catalogue U/ BERLIN PEOTCCS., Paris Depot—2, Works—NEW CROSS, LONDON, 8.E. U.S. Depot—98, BEEKMAN STREET, NEW YORE. RUE ALIBERT. Martell’s ~, HEERINC'S 322, CopENHAGEN E ANDY. “pet ce . CUTICURA for the SS Luxuriant hair, with a clean, whole some scalp, free from irritating and scaly eruptions, is produced by CuTi- CURA SOAP, the most effective skin purifying and beautifying soap in the world, as well as purest and sweetest for toile tand nursery. Sold throughout the world, Price is. F. New- pent & Sons, | King Miward St., London, EO, “Al about tue Dkin, Sealp and Hair,” pomt-free, 'HOOPING COUGH, CROUP. ‘ ROCHE’S HEEREAL EMBROCATION. The celebrated effectual cure without internal motiqns mole Wholesale Agents, W. F s , Queen Victoria street, London Bol sid Or most ( hemiste. rice 4+. per Rettie Parte— Neda st, 4, 1, ie la Pal | New York—VFoworns & (o., Ne wth be iiiem Btrect | , a ttntactecnateenieate. tet CLARKES~— | NICH Aam™ LIGHT

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Marcn 20, 1897. NiC@ tok. OUTFITTER. LADIES’ TAILOR TO THE ROYAL FAMILY. 114 To 120, REGENT STREET, & 22, CORNHILL, LONDON. PARIS: 29 and 31, RUE TRONCHET. 10, MOSLEY 8ST., MANCHESTER. 39, NEW S8T., BIRMINGHAM. 50, BOLD ST., LIVERPOOL. THE LARGEST AND MOST RECHERCHE SELECTION OF MATERIALS IN LONDON. GENTLEMEN. LADIES. Suitings for Golfing and Travelling Wear from Gowns for Spring wear in original materials and £3 3:. | designs unobtainable elsewhere. Spring Overcoatings in the latest patterns.| Riding Habits from £5 5s. Special makes for Oveucoats for all seasous and climates always in| Colonial wear; with Nicoll’s Safety Skirt dragging stock. \is impossible. WNicoll’s New Cycling Skirt, Trouserings in exclusive makes. | £2 12s. 64d., is the neatest in use. Servants’ Liveries a Spécialite. CUARANTEED PERFECTLY HOLLOW CROUND. | © orsy ATOR «Pa sTEUR” | Cuanenrene | PERFECT = (Chamberland) FI LTER. | “The Standard of Efficient Filtra- WORTH et Cie, THE CELEBRATED M A B SPECIALITY IN RAZOR is a revelation to those who have habitually u od the big, clumsy Razor of the period. The ease with which it is manipulated onalies the wer to shave in half the usual time. The blade is manufactured rate department for | Of the finest Epglish Steel, and can be either piain oom emen for every class | oF hullow = of Corset 7 Paices—Miack Handle, 24; Ivory, 34; Pair in Case Ivery, és Black. 46. Thomas Turner & Co. make Bb Ive i... oo rae ' «ck , 1/6; ivory, 96, post free 1 steel | end for Pree List of Cases tion Burrisn Mepicat Jourmat.. ONLY ADDRESS: r- Mas" 00. 4. Mownall Berea, pe mT) = ity Agent—Mr aTMANS A fread St .E T. TURNER & c0., Suffolk Works SHEFFIELD, A real preventative of water 134, NEW BOND ST., Ww. liveeneh: & Rens “stand ae ze ‘got + oo supply through nearest Ag borne disease.’’—Lancer. Noconnection with —_ WMerine Eade ok = ae Locket and Table Worth of Paris —s To be had at the Stores, most Filter Dealers, Qu | PPS’S = ccrmes a sone, (VONSTIPATION PAGKHAN'S EPPS: Sc TABLE WATERS CRATEFUL COMFORTING COLDEN BRONZE HAIR. © O C O A & Sis © Beart Tet See | ASCARA- HAWLEY) piorittED WATER Price "a os Sint or tn we? orfied | SA VARESSE’S SANDAL, 4/6. Manufactory, Croydon. j TOILET VINOLIA SOAP is scented with Otto of Roses. GUARANTEED PURE. ee Printed by William Stuart Smith, of No. Loraine Read, Holloway, in the Parish of St. Mary, Islington, in the County of Middlesex. at the Printing Offices of Mes-rs. Kradbury, a «& oe, ’ commas Lom bard Street, in the Precinct of ot Whitetriors, in the C ty of Lond n, and published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. inde, City of London.—8,: rcavat | cezes ee PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. et ee ee —— _ ee i