Punch 1897-01-16: Vol 112 Iss 2897

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ec. uly to ott Mme, auf-Yearty FIRST TT en i? a CLIFTONY _toRD WARDEN "noTEi, DOVER. PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. THE =, GORDON HOTELS ‘ od oT" - et ror von ly] SEE CIES Te STEN “ts pera — , ce ; er re ray a y" i); oy F F eae & & oO, > | ¥ te “4 NY Ke \ oy CNN Mere 5 ? Ty. ee \ i ai qe? ‘ ’ Ha} fi i Vong Wilke Tp nw MM if > a | / » ie We Mi - ‘ ta shannnnd™ (ae v4 Phe | 9 PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, hy \ Ni oo Y . fj ; ¢ a . ~ Registered at the General Post Office as a Newspaper. LONDON. i Me COCOA “ Represents the Standard of highest purity at present attainable in Cocoa.”—Twue Lancet. PRICE THREE PENCE. @@” NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS.. Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description. will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope. Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

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OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS. No. V. AN IMPALED BURT. Mr. Alderman Burt, of Richmond, Surrey, is, according to | the Morning and other papers, endeavouring to spoil the view from the Terrace by advocating the substitution of an iron fence for the pictu ue holly and thorn hedge between the hill and the sloping meadow. Richmond without its view would be like Hamlet minus the Prince of Denmark. This doubtless worth and possibly eminent citizen should remember that “it is an ill Burt which fouls its own nest.” But perhaps the alderman is like the proverbial cuckoo, and has laid his munici ipel “ge on premises which scarcely concern him. In any case, Mr. Punch recommends this particular Burt to respect the wishes of the dwellers on the Terrace in particular, and the lan lovers of the world in general, and should he be a reflective Burt, like the jackdaw, to remember that hedges always afford more con- venient shelter than the best gilt-topped metal cl ps ever constructed. The terrible desecration of the walk just inside the Park gates should convince even the Corporation of Rich- mond that the Age of Stone and the Age of Iron cannot redeem affronts offered to the Age of Nature. Therefore, Mr. Punch trusts that, like Folly, this particular Burt will (metaphorically) be shot flying as he wings his way Desart-wards over the Peter- sham Meadows. _ New Instrument (invented by Professor Punch for the use of juvenile musical prodigies).—The Pianissimo-fortissimo. On sale nowhere at present. FOR HIS SHANDY VOLUME. Dean Mr. Punou,—Taking the hint so wisely given by you, I have attempted a children’s edition of one a the wane of a famous ancestor, of which I enclose a specimen chapter. I trust your printer will see fit to preserve the dots as they stand in the copy. Lavrentia ****** What a chapter of chances, said my father, turning himself about upon the first landing as he and .. Tosy were goi down stairs—what a long chapter of chances do the events this world lay open to us! Take pen and ink in hand . Tosr, and calculate it fairly ....I know no more of calculation than this balustrade, said . . Tony (striking short of it... and hitting my father a desperate blow souse on the shin- *Twas a hundred to one, cried . . Topy.... I . L my father (rubbing his shin), you had known calculations . Topy .... a mere chance, — Then it adds one to the chapter, said my ather. oT Se * ere eee See ee ee ~ 5 6 «sme 6 6 6 « « oo What a lucky chapter of chances has this turned out! for it has saved me the trouble of writing one express, and, in truth, I have enow already upon my hands without it. Have not I promised the world a chapter of knots? two chapters upon . right and . wrong Pa chapter upon wh ? a chapter upon wishes? a chapter of roses P—no, I have done that ; ? To say nothing of a chapter upon chapters, which I shall finish before I sleep. By my great-grandfather’s whiskers, I shall never get half of ’em through this year. Take pen and father, and it will fortunes of our house. . It might have been worse, replied ink and calculate it fairly . Tony, said my oh EE Sle re ea: Tony My father reflected half a minute-—looked down—touched the middle of his forehead slightly with his finger—True, said he. THE DUELLIST’S VADE MECUM., (From the German.) Question. From the point of view of an officer and a Teuton, is duelling to be discouraged ? Answer. To an officer it is undoubtedly a necessity, although to a civilian it may be considered a superfluity. Q. Why is it a necessity ? A. Because the Kaiser considers the honour of the uniform of paramount importance, and that honour can only, under certain circu , be protected by the sword. Q. And when is duelling a superfluity ? A. At times when the Emperor regards the practice as immoral from a civilian point of view. Q. How can you reconcile the two views ? A. By appealing to a Court of Honour. Q. Will this course be invariably satisfactory ? A. Certainly not, as it may cause a delay y to the Emperor’s uniform. Q. And this unavenged insult will merit punishment at the hands of the head of the army ? A. It will; and consequently it may be desirable to act with- out waiting for the decision of the Court. ‘ Q. But supposing an officer yields to this impulse and calls out his opponent, what will be the probable result ? ‘ A. he will be reported to the Emperor for disobedience. Q. And what will be the consequence? — > A. He will run the risk of being cashiered, or incur some punishment of equal gravity. Q. In this event, will the Emperor act as head of the army or ruler of the State ? A. It matters little whether one or the other, or both. Q. You consider the result will be the same ? A. Unquestionably ; and there seems to be no way out of the difficulty. ; i Q. Then the officer and the Teuton will find himself in an un- pleasant position at all times ? : A. He will discover himself impaled on the horns of a dilemma. Q. Is there any ible solution to the problem ? A. But one. best thing he can do is to resign his com- mission, prior to residing permanently in London, an ing a naturalised Englishman. sath Q. Would such a course be patriotic? — , A. Scarcely, but something wiser—infinitely more convenient. VOL. CXII,

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[January 16, 1897. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. a “S pres, ne ‘“ Uj; fj WP, ‘ij UA, TT fy! UTAH iT "hid vals; Uta Me GOING TOO FAR. Right Hon. J-s-ph Ch-mb-ri-n (in his Orchid-house). ‘“‘ RHODES MAY SAY WHAT HE LIKES ABOUT ‘UNCTUOUS RECTITUDE, BOT WHEN HE 1} 4} 4 , “ Z SPEAKS DISRESPECTFULLY OF MY OrcaID——!!” [‘* You know every man must do something. Some people grow orchids.”— Extract from Mr. Cecil Rhodes’ Speech at the Guildhall, Capetown.)

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January 16, 1897.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ay | Ht qe - Bachelor Squire. ‘‘CnHorat Crass ! Rector's Daughter, ‘‘OH, THAT DOESN’T MATTER IN THE LEAST. “7a yi, 4 = My OBR ‘A 2, Pb Z0 Win. * MUSIC HATH CHARMS. Rector’s Daughter, ‘‘ You HAVEN'T JOINED THE CHORAL CLass, Mr. HARRINGTON. Way I HAVEN'T AN ATOM OF Voice!” 44/4} » 0 1! Gul n WE WE NONE OF US HAVE! > : al ite IO ae ee o oo ee ae WE HAVE 8UCH FUN, You KNow.” Do come!” NOTES AND QUERIES. (On Rhodesian Eloquence at Capetown.) Is it quite fitting that a man should come “To face the music” beating the big drum a. ee his own trumpet ? ove Of our own country” always quite above Suspicion of the love of grabbing bits Of other people’s countries? Judgment sits Even on new Napoleons! Crude and rude Jeers about England’s “unctuous recti- tu Suggest there is a difference, clear and _strong, "Twixt rectitude — though unctuous — and sheer wrong. “Vulgar colloquialism.” Bless my heart! We fancied you considered so smart ! 7 = oo and one ideal.” Splendid rag A burglar has it, and its name is “swag.” Yet one may Yankees call ion’s everything.” “swelled head. “ Balance - unclaimed country?” A weat name But—is there no such thing as prior claim ? And it might seem ’tis not alone the Dutch Who give too little and who ask too much. “The devil take the hindmost” sounded grand ; Now “let the foremost take the hinter- land” Appears to supersede that ancient saw. Roll over “ rectitude,” and banish law ; |“ All put their shoulder to the wheel?” ite so. But let it be the common weal, you know! Even if you’re the “hub.” It is no joke In all wheels save one’s own to nut a oe. “No foreign interference.” Good, as such | But might not Krucer and his sturdy Dutch ay it against the raiders? Sauce’s use y a shrewd gander may not please the goose ; But then, ‘twill need a modern ALEXANDER To give monopoly to goose or gander. Be orchids or expansion a man’s Pr To sneer at it unfairly ’s small and snobby. Right ’s right, and Englishmen will give fair trial To one who’s brave and British past Th -_ Mr. F in hi 0 r. Furier, in his ge Doubts that his favourite will y. Dost ae, my Fut.er, only hounds would hound A brave - beyond reason’s clear-marked und. But there are rules in National Honour’s Codes nial way, have “ fair That even a NaPo.eon or a Rnoprs Must be content to bide by in these days. Justice must now distribute blame or Not with a partial love or hatred crude But—if you don’t object—with Rectitude | Most Appropriate Name ror THE Pre- SIDENT OF THE Miner’s Meetine at Lar- oreTER.—Pick-(h)ard TURKISH FARCE AND RUSSIAN TRACEDY. Scense—Constantinople. Time— The Present. MISCREANT and Muscovirte discovered discoursing. Miscreart (surprised). And so you at last oppose me! Muscovite (sternly). I do, for at length you have gone too far. Misereant (still astonished). And yet 1 was permitted to massacre ! M uscovite Crash. Sen were, because, after all, you did what you pleased with your own. Miscreant (evasively). And I was allowed to misgovern ! Muscovite (as before). Yes; it was your affair, and not mine. Miscreant (re fully). And was per- mitted to justify my title to “the Great Assassin |” Muscovite (indifferently). Why not? Miscreant (tearfully). And now, at a moment’s n ,» you have round upon me, and threaten me with “ unplea- sant consequences.” What have I done to merit this rebuke ? Muscovite (with difficulty cuppressing a tea of almost ungovernable rage). You many NE to propose to tamper with my securities | Miscreant. Then what is more impor- tant than human life? Muscovite (with tremendous emphasis). Cash, Sir, Cash! [Scene closes in upon the financial situation.

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28 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 16, 1897, THE BATH-CHAIR OF THE FUTURE. THE ROAST BEEF OF NEW ENGLAND! (The Pitiful New Year's Plaint of an Old-Style Patriot.) Ain—‘‘ The Roast Beef of Old England |” “ When mighty roast beef was the Englishman's food, It ennobled our hearts and enriched our blood.” So ran the old song, and it does my heart good. Oh, the roast beef of Old England And oh for Old England’s roast beef ! But now—well to get it a man tries in vain. From Australia, America, prairie and plain, | What the Butchers call British beef comes oes | the main. Oh, the roast beef of New England, &c Like good old Cheshire cheese, ribston ippins, ent ale, British beef seems a thing that is go yond hail. If you try to procure it you ’!l il probably fail. h, the roast beef, “ British beef!” "Twas the synon once for true pluck, But now—like the beef—it seems frozen, worse luck But argufies now where he once would have struck. Oh, the roast beef, &c. British beef ? Not at all; we are on a new course, Feed on “ Extract ” and “ Essence ’ ’—most likely of horse! Not beef, but beef-tea must now keep up our force. Oh, the roast beef, &c. Then sing, “ Oh, the beef-tea of Old pe ” Our shops No longer sell English h rum chops ; Foreign meat ’s our new ulum varied b A. ae Oh, the roast beef of Old Alas for Old England’s roast ef s ments during the orange season. Tax Ornanes Frees Srate.—The state of the London Pave- | | OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Ir Launce Kennedy had been somewhat less Guatem Crocxetr’s latest any The ~ Man gt ne N), a. have been more delectable. In telli this story, Lawnce so saan aie ae with a uently to ith dire - t . Its progress is wi 5 ‘temptation, and lapses "a ee —— ve on, into clear, strong t has = my Baronite assures me ae comin by Wi Wame Scorr or Stevenson. Once this where he carries the challenge ot hip cuitee Go the Laied of erse. Again he shakes off the thrall of prolixity when he pictures the trial and execution of the Man. In these two passages the incidents are so dramatic, movement so swift, the = so uresque, as to atone for the otherwise prevalent t is a pity Brownixe has not lived to see the beautiful edition of his poetical works just volumes in which the poems o y saw the light are given in a book of less than eight eae ponte’ much lighter than an ordinary volume of its size, and bound in royal crimson morocco. It is an édition de luxe without the necessity, once pictured in these pages, of the hapless owner lying prone on the floor with the mammoth book open before him, that being the most convenient way of mastering its contents. In addition to this gem of the printers’ and bookbinders’ craft the publishers issue a complete cheap edition of the works in two volumes of ney library fashion. Mr. Avoustine Briere. edits it, and helps the unconverted by, as he modestly puts it, ex- yams g in the margin the meaning of “ such words as might, “ ft unexplained, ney arrest the understanding of reader.” There are some who are most fully in accord with Browx1ne when he writes, I still Stand in the cloud, and, while it wraps My face, ought not to speak oe. pve these the physical charm of the India-paper edition will a delight. For the rest who can (or = s ey can) pierce the ar that habitually wraps the poet’s face, the work-a-day edition will serve. Some readers of the Life op Letters of Sir Charles Hallé (Ssara, Exvper) will “—e with my Baronite in the opinion that the most interesting pters are those which contain Hauuz’s early letters to his parents dated from Darmstadt and Paris. He was just launched on the sea of life. His observation was keen, his mind impressionable, out of a full heart he communed with the home circle, for whose companionship he earned. Many of the later letters might have omitted fr rom the bulky volume, and the prosaic accounts of the visits to Australia and the Cape were better retained for family reading. The judicious reader can effect compression for himself, after which process he will find much of interest in the simple story of a strenuous life. Tue Baron. SOCIAL SONNETS. I.—‘‘ Extremes Meer.” Recere 1’ AMposTE was tall and slight, He waxed his moustache and ke curled his hair ; And the chum who was with him from morn till night Was Freppy Firzrapp sz, so fat and fair. They both took into their heads to ee, And Rececrr’s selection was stout and small, While the pink of perfection that Frepgerick chose Was as ain ase th and was dark and tall. How the Blow fell in the higher Literary Circles of Islington. Mrs. Ibsen-Gibsen Ge - MacTavish, tapreduns oat | the North, with cane ion). And poe Mactecrom what do you euaatie | romance of the oman? [A dead aiibes dy the great man reflects on Scottish whiskey. The MacTavish (after a pause). I’m tihng, Madam, that the finest prose wark I end conseedered was the True History of | Jack Larkaway, whic in penny numbe a oe same f-=— when I ma lect —— —sS wild oe a veatioai ut, craving your in mce, I was a de’il o’ a or escaupades, and hae spell on me noo, occasionally ! (General flight of all the younger ladies, who remember that the mistletoe has not been removed. The elders of the sex remain stationary. So does the MacTavish. |@eesper meres

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January 16, 1897.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. SPORTIVE SONGS. A South-country Foxhunter, on @ New Forest Pony, celebrates his triumph over a Midland “‘ bullfincher.” Hz has come in his pridé, just to show us the way, From the country of grassland and spinnies, And the hunter he’s on, so I heard his groom say, Cost at Melton a “half thou. of gui - His seat is a model, his boots cling ed And his hat has a workmanlike air, And his well-fitting coat is not one of those sacks That we poor Southern countrymen wear. Note the hand that he bears on his high-mettled mare, While her antics he readily baffles, And seems ev’ry movement of spirit to share As he curbs it with lightest of snaffles. He has ted the Master, saluted the Field And, I notice, is friendly with you ; I’ve no doubt that he thinks that all present must yield To the charm of the nouveau venu. Here are you on the castaway peacocky weed That has little to boast of but rank, old nag is of true Forest breed, But a bad’un to beat at a bank, You may laugh at the Forester coarseheaded brute, But I swear he shall show you to-day That o’er heather and bog, and mid tangle and root, There is none like my ill-favoured grey! Just another low laugh and another soft look— en the melody-mongers give cry. We are off! He is leading us all at the brook By the firs where the scent is so high, By the copse, where the hazels are crackling and sear, You endeavour to keep with his pace ; Can’t you see that he’s but trying to steer, And that you are not i im race ? Good fox! he has turned from the flint-powdered ridge PR mR a the meadows lie eet by the bridge n ounds are now streaming to right by t ridge, On the left I will take them in flank. Go on, dear old Hengist, I give you your head, 8 wiser mine is to-day. Yes! ford it quite gently—the water runs red With the blood of the churn in the clay! Good hounds! they have followed the quarry right well, But the pace is too good long to last, And what has become of the Leicestershire Swell Who started the running so fast ? And where. and oh! where is that Queen of the Chase Who broke with that terrible rush P— Yet your trophies another fair tribute shall grace, For Hengist and I take the brush! And my sorry AUGUSTE EN ANGLETERRE. Nores sur L’ ALMANAOCH (swife), Ocropgr.—The chase to the pheasants commences the first, and during this month here there is the chase to the “cubs.” For that one lifts himself of very good morning, in effect, during the night. The English love much the cold bath, and me also, be- cause I find that he is very fortifying, though it is not the habitude of my compatriots. But during the night a cold bath at the candle, or at the electric light—ah, no! At the fine commences the chase to the fox, and also the sittings of the courts in the Palace of Justice. Maitre Renard and the advocates in same time—that has the air of a fable of La Fontarng. Only, the fox goes quick and loses, the law goes slowly and wins. twenty and one the English celebrate the battle of Trafalgar. Me I see not for what not, although some French find there some injuries against our country. Provided that one is not chauvin, in eng- lish “ jinggo,” and too hostile towards the other nations, the love of the country is a sentiment which is no part more admired than in France. Novemper.—At this season, or more soon, the great fogs of London commence. We have sometimes at Paris some fog, but, my faith, that it is nothing! Ordinarily the fog at London com- mences at the fine of October, and, augmenting during the frost continues until to the spring. Some days he is less thick, an even one can to see the sun, absolutely as one sees him through some smoked glass, without rays or brilli But the most part EVERYTHING CAN BE EXPLAINED. Cissie (who has never seen an Archdeacon before). ‘‘ Dick, THAT OLD CLERGYMAN HAS Got GAITERS ON. WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A OLERGYMAN WEARS GAITERS?” Dick (who knows everything). ‘‘Ou, IT MEANS THAT HE BELONGS TO THE Ovciist Corps!” of the days one sees not the sun, and ordinarily the fog is suchly —tellement—thick, that one sees neither the sky nor the earth, only the And the air is all simply the smoke, un véritable air. climat d’enfer, mais froid! The nine there isa t procession and a { Torment London for to celebrate Sy day of birth of the Prince of Watzs. Speaking of the City, I wish to make to remark my compatriots that the Lord Maire is not a t personage of the Government, as the Maire du Palais of the middle age. He is all simply the Prefect of the Thames—the Préfet de la Seine of London. : } . Decemper.—The fogs continue still more thick. During all thi th here the English make some vast preparations for the ment neat feast of all the year, when, following their habitude, they eat, and this time enormously. Ordinarily at Christmas he m: a time unbelieveably sad. Sometimes he falls some rain, sometimes he some fog, sometimes there is all the two together, invariably there is much of mud and much of obscu- rity; never the sun, never the fine time, excepted this year who comes of to finish, when the sun shone during two days, that which is all to fact exceptional. Thus, for to amuse themselves, the om English are obliged of to shut themselves at them—chez eur—of to light the es midday, and of to eat just to the night. At Christmas in England, and above all at Tendon, the night and the day it is the same thing. Seen these habitudes so melancholy, it astonishes me that English are not much more sad. In effect they are sometimes narquois and gay. With a fine irony the feast there “The Merry Christmas.” Voila, Mister Punch, a pleasantery of your com- patriots, worthy of to be printed in your journal so illustrious— a pleasantery with which I terminate notes, in saying to you, “To the to see again.” Agree, &c., AvoustTsE. Tae Quarter or Lonpon WHERE 4 FRENCHMAN OUGHT TO nesipz.—The E.C. on parle Frangais district.

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30 [January 16, 1897. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. A VICARIOUS TRANSGRESSION. Pater. ‘‘Jounnxy, I DON’T WANT TO SEE THIS MAN, Johnny. ‘Hutto, PATER, Pater (solemnly). ‘1 DON'T, MY BOY. RUN DOWN AND TELL HIM I’M NOT AT HOMF.” | THOUGHT YOU NEVER TOLD LIEs.” Irs YOU THAT ’S GOING TO TELL THE LIE.” MINDING OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS. Tue American Senate, having postponed a resolution asking the English Government to pardon Mrs. Maysrick, will probably proceed to discuss the following questions : — Shall Spain continue to exist ? Ought the West Front of Peterborough Cathedral to be re- erected in steel and concrete ? Is duelling to be allowed in the German Army ? | should be the law as to a “ place” for betting in Eng- anc Should the Anti-Semites in Vienna be muzzled or not ? Shall there be a new street from Holborn to the Strand, and shall the houses on this street be twenty stories high, and de- signed as in Chicago ? Ought Gambling at Morte Carlo to be suppressed ? Is kleptomania on the increase in England? Shall Russia be allowed to send convicts to Siberja ? _Can Hyde Park be improved by an eleva railroad from Kensington to the Marble Arch ? That can be done to hurry up the French Academy, which began a dictionary one hundred and forty years before the Declaration of Independence, and has not finished yet ? Shall our spelling of “neighbor,” “parlor,” ‘‘ center” and “ theater” be made compulsory in How does the treaty of peace between Italy and Abyssinia conform to the Monroe Doctrine ? Are the dépéts and cars of the British railroads satisfactory ? Should the Chinese be compelled to dress in black coats and tall hats like respectable American Citizens ? Shall the Behring Sea Fisheries award be paid? It. is expected that the last resolution will indefinitely post- poned ; it is even thought that it will never be proposed. CAVIARE TO THE GENERAL. Satvationist Bootu, Mr. Giapstone politel Addressed you as “General,” possibly rightly ; Yet he all his life has continued to spurn all Such fanciful fame, he is not even Colonel ; This Old Parliamen Hand, this old stager Has failed to attain the position of Major ; His manifold talents have never been wrapped in The quite ineffectual title of Captain ; He never has carried a banner or pennant, Or beaten a drum—he is not a Lieutenant ; His speech is so silver, in heraldry “argent,” Your people like talking—he is not a Sergeant ; Untitled, not even like vIn or Lister, This man, so much greater than you, is plain Mister. An Architectural Settlement. First Man (eminent in painting, literature or science). What a controversy about Peterborou "Bathedral | Do you know any- thing about architecture? I don’t. Second Man (ditto). Nothing whatever. within twenty miles of Peterborough. , First Man. Nor have I. Then let us go at once and sign a memorial to the Dean and Chapter, asking them not to let anybody do anything. [Exeunt, excitedly. A DIPLOMATIST WHO DOES NOT BELIZE HIs SuRNAME.—Mr. NeL- THORPE BgAUCLERK, our new Consul-General at _Buda-Pesth, apes Chinese, Russian, French, German, Italian, Danish, Spanish, with other languages. A beau clerc, indeed! And I’ve never been Tae Favourite Hero or tae Loc-rotter.—“ General Boum.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON _CHARIVARL— January 16, ‘1897, — => - N = ) Nw == oo ing ~ — Lo ~~ — = — _— 66 a iva? SECOND THOUGHTS. SzorETARY oF Stare For Inp1a (blandly). ‘ALL RIGHT, MR. BULL, ON RE-CONSIDERATION, I FIND WE ARE NOW OFFICIALLY PREPARED TO RECEIVE YOUR GENEROUS CONTRIBUTIONS TOWARDS THE RELIEF OF THE INDIAN FAMINE.” (Vide letter from Lord G-ror H-m-ur-n, “ Times,” January 4, declining, and, in “* Times,” Jonuary 9, accepting the Lond Mayor’s Indian Relief Fund.)

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Ja heu wh: dou A Th P:

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January 16, 1897.] 33

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

—

be Orme en, NEW SPORTING DICTIONARY OF FAMILIAR LATIN PHRASES. Sistz, Viator! (Stay, TRAVELLER !)

THE IDEA! [‘‘ If all the theatres in London, the ‘ serious’ houses included, were shut up at this moment, what should we lose ? A good many sensations, no doubt. But how many ideas?’’—Daily Chronicle. | A LONELY idea went as along, Dreary and desolate, doubtful and dim ; There were all sorts of folk in the hurrying throng, es — to patriots, but none wanted um The statesman severely his head at him shook ; To be seen in his company simply meant smash The author, to whom he suggested a book, i pale, and declined to do any- ing ‘ The novelist said, “Why, good gracious, you ’re New! And newness in novels is never allowed!” The poet, who, perched on Parnassus iw, At the sight of his face hid his head in a cloud. The dramatist, rousing as if from a snooze, Muttered “SopHoc tes — SHaAKsPEARE — Pivgro—and Sims! Of my good golden eggs I shall murder the = ies} ed of noti d a A suspect notions an Party cries and sensations were much in request, But ideas were under the strictest taboo. They upset the world, destroyed comfort _ and rest; You never could calculate what they might do. A Hebrew Goterd by, crying feebly “ Ole 0 He carried a big old black on hi ig bag s The idea sighed, “Nobody needs me, oh! no! To save had poor life, I ’ll—creep into his sack.

They ’ll mre suspect me of hiding in ere “Ole clo!” cried the Jew. ber? Ole clo!”— | From that day he was ruined, for even “ Any lum- air Cannot stand new ideas—they muddle things so! DECELVED AND DECEIVER. (A Page from a Diary up-to-date.) [*‘ The royal standard must not be used save by members of the Royal Family.”—Correspondence in the Daily ym, Can’t understand why I should receive so much attention. Here am I on board a small sailing vessel that I have hired for the day. othing particular about her. Customary sails, and flying from the mast an 1 pockethandkerchief, and yet I fancy I am attracting official notice in all quarters. Dear me! What are they doing over there? Seem to be hoisting a fig, and about to fire. Bang! There they go! Twenty-one of them! ‘wt off; no mogy are prac- tising. Target practice ite van- tages when you are in the line of sight with the object selected by the marksmen. Boat sails slowly. Sure to be hit! No harm as yet. What are they about? Seem to be sending a boat to board me. Now that the boat has come alongside find that it’s a large one. Contains a band of music and a number of soldiers. What are they doing ? plays a fami- liar tune. ts present arms. What on earth are they after? Officer boards us. He uncovers respect- fully. “Where is His Royal Highness?” in that I haven’t vaguest idea what he means. “But you must have Royalty on board,” nae, “Look at your flag.” is directing my attention to the pockethandkerchief which cost me eighteen pence.

The band again starts the National An- them. This is too much, and I say so. a . polite reply, “as I feel convinced that you have a t to fly that illustrious emblem.” It now [ comme J.T }. ~ ~——— Ler | ows e roy family,” suggests the navel icon. . na r. “Ne, Sir,” is my response; “I am only . TOMPKINS.” The naval officer utters a mighty nauti- eal imprecation. Things are becom been guilty of piracy, or serious. Have I what ? At this moment the boat > pos b a torpedo sent out in pract - lapses. Then the naval ship collides against another vessel, and both disappear together. In a second my vessel (the Saucy Sarah) is alone on the ocean. “Saved!” I murmur. “Saved!” But, to prevent further mistakes, I re- move the royal standard from the mast, and once more all is peace and quietness. = CRUSOE’S ISLAND | MISSING ! =. is reported that the island of Juan Fernandez, miles west of Valparaiso, has disappeared, probably owing to a submarine earthquake |

Farewe.u, Juan Fernandez Most famous isle, farewell ! Foundered beyond the Andes, If ’tis the truth they tell. It must have been a sea-quake Made your foundations rock— And us the other week wake With the same seismic shock. They say, in time primeval, You bob now up, now down ; A million years’ upheaval, Then for an won, drown. A Spanish captain ’s said it— He saw you disappear ; (Tis a tall tale to credit, Sea-serpent-like and queer!) A short and sharp commotion, And then the trick was done— You dived into the ocean, Ere men said “ Robinson!” *. ye creator, BEFORE, and sought your grave E ed in some of crater neath the greedy wave. No matter, for long ages PR Cop be green, ive in graphic pages With glory submarine. As long as schoolboys nourish A taste for eee yet Will Crusoe’s flourish, Defying tide and time!

Reconsipgenep.— At the enthronement of Dr. Tempte as Archbishop of Canter- bury, the organist opened the ings by playing the “ Wedding March.” Would it not have been more appropriate had he given the popular old air of “The See! The See!” And if to con- versant — the words, “the — ight have seemed inapplicable, surely a with the adaptation thus, “The See! The See! The well-filled See!” would have sufficed? But they don’t think of these things in time, or in tune.

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34 [January 16, 1897.

<_— PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

READY-MADE COATS~(OF-ARMS); OR, GIVING ’EM FITS! FW ig is KRUG . \ Josern, let Ear ov B-um-NGu-aM, Arms: carmine ; } Quarterly ; Ist, an antique boer in his glory regarding a lion spotted over a bordure (chartered) cmngenen, FEPY whitewashed ; 2nd, an heraldic bartlet cuff rd, and erased under a chapeau doubled up an irish shamrock, barred in perpetuity on a ground orange of prejudice; 4th, a mysterious libel voluntarily erased sable, rendered more or less illegible after the manner of the new journalism ; over all, on an escutcheon of pretence, several ministerial billets of the best, clawed and collared in advance. Crest : A lion of debate langued mordant, bearing in dexter paw the union flag flowing to the sinister, dropping in his progress a phrygian or republican cap of liberty ‘‘ turned up” and refaced ermine. demi-furious state of suppression. Supporters : Two highly crusted pillars of the constitution (sang-)azure in a

ON A WET DAY. (A Fair Cyclist apostrophiseth her Machine.) My spirits, like the glass, are falling fast, I’d like to swear—I shouldn’t blush ! | The rain’s been coming down for hours past. Adown the gutters tiny rivers rush, Making the street a very sea of slush— In doors, my trusty steed, you’ll have to ye 4 | “The idle Singer of an empty day! ” Yet in this evil day there’s good to find— A chance to groom you—yes, a happy thought ! “ Keep in adversity an equal mind,” As, L remember, good old Horace taught— I wasn’t up at Girton all for nought— And so I'll overhaul you, while I may, The idle Singer of an empty day! A ate me if I stand you on your head, "Tis handier so—I ’ll use the greatest care— | How many a mile together we have sped! Your tyres, I see, are showing signs of wear. Twelve hundred miles since May—that’s pretty fair Neg you ’re glad to be, once in a way, The idle Singer of an empty day i Your handles scratch Or two may tell of early struggles still !

shine like silver—just a e you |

Your virtues I defy the world to match, Peerless in any country, flat or hill, Silent, untiring servant of my will, To-morrow may you be no more, I pray, The idle Singer of an empty day!

FROM THE LOG OF A LOG-ROLLER. January 1, 1890.—What a beginning for the New Year! All my MSS. back again every one of them, the fifteen articles, the three plays the volume of verse, and the novel. appy thought! I’ll be a Decadent! I have sought the Good, the Beautiful, the True, but I will seek them no longer. They are out of date in this fin de siecle. I will to Vigo Street and learn to be Decadent. The Man of Vigo Street welcomed me heartily. “What would you of us?” he asked. “I have sought the Good, the Beuatiful, the True,” I replied; “ but it does not pay. I would Decadent.” The Man of Vigo Street smiled compas- sionately. “Poor fool!” quoth he. “ Fou have in gone far astray. Know you not that nowadays the only Good thing is tha Bad, the only Beautiful the Ugly, and the only True is the False?” I pondered a moment. “ No,” I replied. “I had not realized that.” He laughed. “ Poor youth!” quoth he. “These are the very rudiments of Decadence.” “But why—— I began, not fully understanding. reason is plain,” said he. “ Folk to sin. They have hitherto taught that sin is unlovable. Show them that it is beautiful, holy, the object of existence, and a grateful public will fill our purse with gold.” “1 see,” said I eoimning to comprehend. “ Oh, how | have been mistaken! [I had striven to clothe my thoughts in Godliness——” The Man of Vigo Street interrupted me with a laugh. “Godliness!” he cried. “That is a threadbare garment. Nowa- days your only wear is Bodliness.” “Ah!” said catching at the word, “that is the ware that I would deal in. But how may Icome by it?” “Easily enough,” said he. “In the first place, you must blaspheme.” “And next?” “Sing the virtue of vice.” |“ And next?” “Log-roll your Brother De- cadents.” “That is all?” “That is all,” he said. “Do this, and I promise you fame and fortune.” January 1, 1895.—Blessed be the day that took me to Vigo Street! Five years ago I was starving in a miserable garret, my MSS. returning to me by every post. | Now I cannot write fast enough to satisfy | the public. My Sodom and Gomorrah was the beginning of my fortune. I sang of those cities, of their exquisite beastliness and their divine debauchery. The Deca- | dents hailed me as a Brother, and I ex- changed my garret for a sumptuous abode. | Since then I have blasphemed, and sung |the virtues of vice, and log-rolled my | Brethren, and the Man of Vigo Street has made good his word-—my fame and fortune | are secure. January 1, 1900.—Curst be the day that took me to Vigo Street! So long as m Brother Decadents were alive it was well. I log-rolled them; they log-rolled me; we log-rolled one another; and the gaping publie poured their gold into our — pockets. But one by one they dran themselves to death, and I am left lament- ing. No one will swear any longer that I am great, that I out-Shakspeare SHaxk- SPEARE: nay, the fickle public will have it that I am mad, and they hi.ve taken me from my sumptuous abode to a room in Hanwell. They say, in this new century, that the Bad is no longer geod, the Ugly no longer beautiful, the False no longer true. ey say that Decadence is now a recognised form of lunacy. Are they right? I wonder.

NONE BUT THE BRAVE BEFRIEND THE FAIR. [‘* Mr. Curtis Bennett has undertaken a cru- sade against cabmen who use bad language to ladies.”"— Daily Telegraph.} On! magistrate of Marlborough Street! Here ’s luck unto your arm, Which would protect the sex that’s sweet From figurative The “ Jarvey” who can rant and rail At parsimonious dames, His fares no longer will assail With Speaker-horrid names! For him there looms the heavy fine Empowered by the Senate, Or else the punishment condign Decreed by Curtis Bennetr. "Ware then of Marlborough loons Who cannot speak politely, And link your words to softer tunes That run in rhythm rightly! For whether you drive barb or cob, Or spavined steed or jennet, Remember that with grace you rob, And shun a courteous Bennett! Street, ye

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January 16, 1897.] Old Lady. ‘‘ DEAR ME, WHAT A NICE REFINED-LOOKING LITTLE Boy. HAS A Mourn Fit For A CaERUB; I REALLY MUST GIVE HIM SIXPENCE.” Wuy, JANE, HE [ Does so. The Cherub (five seconds later), ‘‘8-s-8-8!! BILLEE! THE OLD GAL 's GIVE ME A TANNER!” CANINE SAGACITY. A Doe’s SuicipE THROUGH AFFECTION. Dear Sin,—Allow me to add to the present interesting corre- spondence a really touching instance of canine devotion. To my mind, any evidence of a higher nature in animals is of infinitely reater value than mere proofs of cleverness, or feats of vin- ictive memory. From this point of view, the St. Bernard puppy of your first correspondent ranks considerably higher in the scale of interest than the dog described in a r issue. Now for my own contribution to this fascinating subject. An age female relative of mine a fancy spaniel, named Sniff, which displayed a wealth of affection for his mis- tress, u ulterated by the snappishness towards other ple which so often renders such a dog objectionable. He had, it is true, a 2 tendency to gluttony; but then, none of us are perfect ! veral months ago the old lady died, and, by her own wish, the dog was transferred to my little suburban home, in the hope that he might forget his loss amid new surroundings. Alas, he proved inconsolable, for, within twenty-four hours, we found him lying stark and stiff in the garden—poisoned ! _There is no room for doubt that r little Sniff, crazed by his grief, deliberately ran out of the bean to seek the means of putting an end to his existence, and found what he sought for in some pieces of poisoned meat left near the greenhouse by my gardener. I may say, in passing, that the man (whom I severely reprimanded) had left the poison about without my knowledge, with the object of exterminating the cats which ruined his bud- ding plants. Now, what can be more admirable than Sniff’s refusal to sur- vive his loved mistress? Surely we might go far to find a parallel among ourselves. I am quite aware that many people may object on moral grounds to this admiration, and certainly I do not wish it to be cumpoces that I hold a brief for suicide— far from it. But I think we should be very careful how we lay down the same laws for animals as for human beings in a matter of this kind, and, although my way of looking at things is often blamed, I am not ashamed to subscribe as Yours very truly A Reat Enravsiast. [Any further curious cases must be sent to the Spectator.—Ep.]} The very latest Version of an Old Ditty. As I was going thro Sandgate, thro Sandgate, throegh - ugh ugh As I was going through Sandgate, I heard a lassie sing, “Weel may the wheel go! the wheel go! the wheel go! Weel may the wheel go!—the bike Sat my lad’s on!” FRIENDLY ADVICE. Mr. Puno is very sorry that this quarrel in a quarry Should show so much of prejudice and hate ° PENRHYN-wise | cautious coolish, Split the difference, and—wipe it off the slate! Jhen the quarrel is protracted long with cut and thrust and tome pound-foolish. Tot the score with lun Neither tees to “throw the sponge up,” but they both may “use the sponge.” FOUNDED ON FACT. Dear oLp Puncn,—As the holidays are nearly over, I don’t spend much time in reading the papers. But the other day I came across some elderly fossil complaining that the public did not nearly sufficiently appreciate our national collections. This is all nonsense, at so far as the rising generation is con- cerned. Take myself, for instance. I have three brothers and three sisters, and we all have friends who have also brothers and sisters. So when we are gathered together, we are a tidy lot—- not as regards apparel, but you know what 1 mean. Wel , what do we do with ourselves ? y, we go to the British Museum “Very good,” say you; “nothing like improving your minds.” Right you are; it is “nothing like.” We go to the museum, not to look up mummies, but to play at hide and seek. First- rate fun, I can tell zeus No chivying one another in a rude, noisy fashion, but politely asking the way of a policeman. When we catch the runner we shout a little, but not louder than an antiquarian making a discovery. And now that the movement has commenced, why should it stop at Bloomsbury? Surely the School of Mines might be cleared of its cases, and used for lawn tennis, and no one would object (at least, we wouldn’t) to the large hall of the Natural ey Museum being set apart for football or a game of cricket. Say a word for us, dear old fellow, and merit the gratitude of your sincere well-wisher, Jongs Minor. The Duel Control. Tue Teuton Rhadamanthus nee Ge law down fair and free Concerning of the Military l: . “To blow a nant brains out makes one soldier less, you see ! So B ssa must consult, not papa ia Fy —~ rad but Me, ‘ore you give a man hie > But if a Court of Honour says ‘ All right,’ and I agree, Why, pop a bullet into him as promptly as may , =

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36 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE STRIKE OF THE PIPES. Mr. Raleigh Stubbs, having come into money, neglects his old favourites, Miss Briar Root. It’s shameful the wa ° way lt we’re neglected! I declare he pressed me to his lips for at least a a night. Mrs. Meerschaum. I’m old-fashioned, I know, but I do feel his — deeply. Look how my colour has faded Miss Cutty Doodeen. Bedad! as usual, there’s plent ty of injustice for ould Oire- land. Black ’s not the word for me now! Mlle. Merisier. Ma foi! What for did I throw my parfum about his nostrils? M iséricorde ! t I have did that he o— flirt with those impudent Egyp- tians Miss Briar Root. The way in which he clings to those Havana beauties is simply disgraceful. Havana, indeed! If he only knew that they were Belgian atrocities. [Weeps nicotine tears. Mrs. Meerschaum. Years ago I used to burn for the wretch. Now I wish I could put him on the rack. Miss Cutty Doodeen. Faix! that’s where he puts us. After mounting meself in hall-marked silver, too! I’d break meself with rage. Mule. Merisier. Bah! you talk like a silly brile-qgueule. My friends, we are be- trayed. It must be the revenge! Miss Briar Root. Kevenge! But how? We can’t strike. That’s the privilege of the matches. Mrs. porno. By my amber mouth ! I have it. We ca W hispers. General Chorus. ” Splendid! Mrs. Meerschawm. Are we all agreed P General Chorus. All! Miss Cutty Doodeen. Whist! here he comes ! Enter Owner and friends. Owner. I’m sick of weeds, and shall go back to the dear old pipes agai again. (Tries pipe after pipe.) By Jove! not one of them will draw! (Silent laughter of con- spirators as owner is compelled to light an Antwerp-Cuban regalia. After a few minutes he throws it only and rings the bell. Servant wy aye Joun, chuck all this rubbish into the fire. [Indicates pipes. John. Yes, Sir. [Removes pipes. Mile. Merisier (as they are being anew Oh ! that we could make him under- stanc Miss Briar Root. We’ve been led astray by the insidious voice of a demagogue! Miss Cutty Doodeen. The dirty German! Mrs. Meerschaum (contemptuously). Pshaw! We shall only make ashes, as usual. To-morrow he’ll have a fresh harem! [And the Owner did. A Discussion on Diet. Little Chris (to Little Kate). Does your governess get ill on mince pies? Little Kate. I don’t know! Why? Little Chris. "Cause mine does. At din- ner to-day she said, “If you eat an +t a of that pastry, I know you 'll be she must have been so herself. [Conference broken up by arrival of the lady in question. The Solution of a Problem at Harwich. Mariner A. What’ll Newcastle do, when they make coal at Dover? éértainly 1 Mariner A Why, pas- sengers at

ADELPHI TERRISS Al ADELPHI’D SUSAN. Svucn an opportunity of seeing the best oa extant of a fine old British nau- AND ical drama should not be missed by any it! ~~ aygoer. The Jack Tar’s jacket of T. P. K, who had me a tradition forty years ago, has descended on the “Wil- liam” par excellence of the present day i.c., Writ1aM Terriss. He is the Bill ¥;|thete: this play, and A 4 Miss Mitiwarp is not, strictl black-eyed, » ¥ets lacking the “ two ~~. black eyes,” she is as good a “ See-usan” as any ship’s

Apsirur Terriss A |. Hornpiping Times of Nautical Piece at Adelphi. ares (theatrical) could penile, desire. a genuins heroine in distress is Sonenen Susan! almost always in tears, except when welcoming William after his long absence from “ the boards,” and from his native Deal, or when smiling the facetiousness of Mr. Harry as Gnatbrain, who in the first has So| siready “ given” the audience ee” of laughter as Toby Twinkle. To see Mr. Witu1am Terriss “shivering his timbers” in the hornpipe, and re for his ex- ertions by a genuinely hearty encore, is eye to rejuvenate the oldest elt, and to set os the yeunaoet a ee Captain Crosstree, the ng of his wes, Futrow, eye oF out the and ‘song used to bring down the

[January 16, 1897. House in == old a ny ee ae cad Maio cncome sightly 9 x3 encores nightly for roundly and proudly that “Captain Cross- tree was his name,” and no mistake about “One of the best ” and most artistic pe formances in the te dhtey Ad < J. PD. bate agp as ys the wicked old ra die ees olen oy ga of an uncle, bad now uncl le be it un But to fully a te this actor’s art you should previously have seen him as J Plum, the benevolent father in the jiece, All that Glitters is not Gold, when e bears a strong resem’ to Mr. er plays, I have seen of the deepest = BrvERIDGE as a ye, and as a comic Irishman, always ex- ps Toy but this transformation from the impersonation of benevolence to that of sordid villainy, all in one night, is some- thing memorable. Such a chance dees not often occur, and the coud thirsting for something satisfying in dramatic art will be quite content with this Beveri iss VANE FEATHERSTON is a delightful Dolly; Mr. Caar.es Fisner a sturdy Blue Peter; Mr. Oscan Apy® as great in the character of the ranting ruffian Hatchett, as he was when representing a mild gen- tlemanly person, in the pi g comedy, called Frederick Plum. Highest praise, too, must be bestowed on Mr. Lure: Lasiacue, The Admiral (who shall be here, as he is in the play, nameless), for his dignified demeanour, clear elocution, and most im- pressive manner, which evidently — Mffected his fellow admirals, and was not lost on the soft-hearted and _ ill-fated William. That the Admiral should, after the ver- dict of “ guilty” has been pronounced, convey to William his own private opi- nion of his own public and official condent, by allowing the prisoner to kiss his hand, is, as I am informed, a stage tradition, which would be more honoured in the breach than in the observance. Still. it affects the andience to tears—it is so kind of the Admiral, d’ye see? And as to the scene where Black Eye’d Sue takes leave of her lover. just before he is going to be hanged at the yard-arm, well, if the andi- ence had been all the birds assembled for Cock Robin’s funeral, there couldn’t have been more “ sighin’ and sobbin’.” Tt was heartrendine. And oh! the joy, oh! the applause, when Captain Crosstree rushed on, alive and well, with his arm in a sling, just in time to save William’s neck from the noose! Hooray! Rule Britannia!! And three cheers for the Messrs. Garrt. the gallant First Lieutenant, Fren. G. LatHam, who stage-managed both pieces. and the jolly clever crew that acts "aaier his orders!

Older than the Flood. Young Archibald. What’ 's the meaning of the proverb, Auntie, “ What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander ” ? Auntie (ongrily). Have Ra ee a ol for- gotten the story of Adam garden of Eden, the thile ¢ ‘one od. 8 °’ apples ?

FROM OUR OWN IRREPRESSIBLE JOKER. (Still dod gimg justice)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Jayvary 16, 1897. “PUNCH” is being set up every week by SAVORY & MOORE’S |_| INFANTS’ FOOD | & BEST AND MOST ECONOMICAL [!GARES JOY" ASTHMA CIGARES DE 93 = : —— afford immediate relief ASTHMA, | WHEEZING, aa CHRONIC BRONG | Appreciated by —— and sufferers | over the world. Easy to Tot kT and ha rmless in action, they are recommen | for use by young and old. 7 Chemiste & free from -, London, W. in Boxes of 86 at 2s. 6d., or WILCOX &CO. ,83, Mortimer | “the ¢ most famous HIG and Old Whisk: ML atti aeny Ma 4 a Sample bottle post free on receipt _ RICHD. MATHEWS ‘é “C0. and 25, HART 8T., BLOOMSBURY, W.C. * old by alt See —~ ro Mence are throughout A ne, ce PURE MAL WHISKEY MALT LINOTYPE COMPOSING MACHINES. | ¢ EBONIPE S. & H. HARRIS’S BLACKING Shoes, Harness, and all Klack Leather etals and Glass.) POLISHING PASTE: Factory: London, BE. fers prem, | 5 al ls. Gout Bageieoes, ls. 5 Quires, 1s. MIERATIC Sy Peidende or ok vpn mA py bd Woe pig, bay nF Be 5. atten te leet Gate on 6d. velopes, ls. its Ea Py ‘out Of the i wher Taare’ and dis rel with Eczema and other itching, Biren ond A Single Appi and scalp diseases. ngle DIES wil ior taste relict pone a int rele it pi ed 6 oe eet point to w speedy, permanent c pA og world. Price: Orriomma, *. + Sues’ lh F. xeWoEnY & damm, 1, King Bie Leateckraaun na — free SMOKE THE CELEBRATED PIONEER” SWEETENED TOBACCO, KNOWN ALL OVER THE WORLD. MANUFACTURED BY THE RICHMOND CAVENDISH Co., Lto., AT THEIR KHONDED WORKS, LIVERPOOL. And retailed by all first-class tobacconists at home and abroad. SELLING a a A MILLION MILLION “PLAVER'S” NAVY cur CIGARETT ES Sold only in packets of t2 and in tins SOttbSss containing 24, 50 and 100. Also supplied in a new size “MAGNUMS"’ in pocket tins of 16 and in §0's and 100's. | | ; pps hb bhi biti hi hb bhi hii hhh hh hhhh hhh hha a BEOFO a. to: fe Horse'Rakea Siew Off Eugines, & aan fay Hess / ee ee ** Prom the heath-covered mountains of Scotia I come eEED YOUR CHILDRe; DE RIDGES PATENT cooKED FOO “CLARKES Y | i H] 6 WS WRIGHT S “COAL = TAR ~ SOAP

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Janvany 16, 1897. mH Hl uf il). | 7a Kl af ihe Dw t a wi | . ft \. Gi , ae ty i h I ia a Mh Nh) ik. |, SATURDAY. Hy N| ; WW | Mi iN) i i ) hy il ' | i) M BF Nii ) lM i \\ AlN Hh \ 1 4 WW i" ii fy. gall Hl bl Wh \ ys ui , Mi ae ali i! Mh alt Ah) ™ \\\ = ih "wn i uh vi iN I mee PUBLISHED EVERY 1" \\\ve “100 YEARS AGO. PEARS’ SOAP in use 100 years ago, and still the best to-day.