Punch 1896-04-18: Vol 110 Iss 2858

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CHOCOLAT MENIBR oc. wings. or Pictures of any description. will in no case be returned, met even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule ‘bere riil b- no exception.

bil } f | Registered at the General Post Office as a Newspaper. > « W > i W a) wW zr -1 ® 4 a | 2 Q - Sa sare ese) ee SE STS AS CPE EMAT ISS EG 1 EO NN PRs he PRICE THREE PENCE.

Sis): |, Si ROH } ; t ‘ ' . i eg “al Wh i > se |)! v ; @@ NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter. Dra Wills ar | PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, ~ LONDON,

seein “ This Magnificent Hotel, situate in the very best part of London, terme ws River Thames nod the beartifel Geardens of the Victoria bankment, contains 700 BEDROOMS, 200 SITTING ROOMS, and the finest suites of Private and PuBLic Rooms in Europe. LONDON. manatee Oe

NI, Man ger. ~

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Aprit 18, 1896. ~—_, Registered Trade Mark. “$. MORDAN & CO.” SOLID SILVER PLATE. The Finest Stock in the World. ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE FREE. COLDSMITHS COMPANY, Show Rooms: |]2, REGENT ST., W. Aosointne Breneoscoric Courant SAMUEL BROTHERS, 65 & G7, LUDCATE HILL, LONDON, E.C. rootonm Brom (Jacket and Vest) for boy of 8 years, 19/-. ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE and PATTERNS [free on application, — - ——_—_—_—_—__—_ RANSOMES’ LAWN MOWERS THE BEST in the WORLD. “New Actowaron,” “Creare AvrTouaron,’ ” @ Woatp,” and “ in sites to suit wirement. All Machines sent on a Month's Pree Trial, and Carriage Paid. Supplied Ras 30MES, Stieh a JBFPEBIZS, L4., 1pewich. OFT and ACTION 32 CAL. POCKET REVOLVER with ejoetor and solid frame, is the latest and best ket others made list J LT’S FIREARMS rice tt 5 Ginashouse Stroh, Pieenaill | S. & H. HARRIS’S HARNESS COMPOSITION (Warrarncor). SADDLE PASTE (Watearncor Ss. & H. HARRIS’S EBONITE BLACKING (Wasuasgeer). Hack lesther erties and P OLIs HI NG P AST E Manufactory: LONDON, E. FOR COMPLAINTS OF THE STOMACH, LIVER, dc., USE VIGHY TABLETS sacs: From the natural salts of the STATE SPRINGS at Vichy. Sold by all Chemists, Druggists, and Grocers throughout the Kingdom, Sole Importers : INGRAM & ROYLE, Luwreo, 52, FARRINGDON ST., LONDON, E.C. “HEAVIEST POSSINLE PLATING.” MAPPIN & WEBB’S aR THE SEASON )LEAP-YEAR BOUQUET | “Tn Leap Year they have power to choose, Yemen no charter to refuse.""— Chaucer. PRINCE'S PLATE. (Rsep.) “HIGHEST ATTAINABLE QUALITY.” MAY BE OBTAINED OF WEAR.” MACNIVEN & CAMERON'S PENS ‘ They come as a boon and a blessing to men, “UNEQUALLED FOR HARD The Pickwick, the Owl, and the Waverley Pos.” J THE FLYING J PEN. ee HOTEL METROPOLE, BRIGHTON. “* The finest and most Imxurious Seasidg Hotel in the World.” Charges moderate. Proprietors: THE CORDON HOTELS, LTD, SE ==POWDE Powder TAA World. MELLIN’S |ART COMPETITION. | ‘The Exhibition will be held from the 4th to the 9th Jan., 1897, : at the QUEEN’S HALL, LANGHAM PLACE, W. Total value of prizes—4&1,000, : Open Competition for Paintings in Oil and Water | Colors. —| Prizes for Amateurs in Oil and Water Colors. Selling Prizes for Oil and Water Colors. Over Two Hundred Prizes, Gold and Silver, for =| Young People under the age of 18. Five Hundred Prizes for Children under the age of 12. PHOTOGRAPHY. UUUUUY Open Competition, Class for Amateurs. For full particulars of the Competition, apply to MELLINW’S FOOD WORKS, Peckham, London, 8.E. ; enclosing 1d. stamped addressed envelope and post card unaddressed, P.S, For children under 12 only 1d. stamp is required. 2 ALL LETTERS WILL BE ATTENDED TO IN ROTATION, ei) and must refer solely to the Competition, the outside of the envelope ey to be marked, in the left haiid corner, “ART COMPETITION.” BOC A OY A A ro aaa ORIENTAL CARPETS Sold at Wholesale Prices TRELOAR & SONS LUDGATE HILL. Ask for Price List, HORSE RIDING WITHOUT HORSES, el Paradoxical as this may seem, you have only to become possessed of a VIGOR’S HORSE-ACTIOY SADDLE tie Se Sictnewiect™ NO BISE. NO COST OF KEEP. SMALL INITIAL OUTLAY. Is the best remedy for INDIGESTION, E, NERVOUSNESS, CORPULENCE, LIVER COMPLAINT, NEURALGIA. Send for particulars to VIGOR, 21, BAKER ST., LOXDOL , = ee a. ee ee a a a a a a a ae

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Aram 18, 1896.]

THE GREY MARE. “Tl wish I knew waat Mrs, Ropnsy BLUENOSE THINKS OF MY nsw Boox. I BARDLY LIKE TO ASK BER!” ‘‘Asxk Mr, Ropyzy BLUSHOSE WHAT HE THINKS OF IT.” ‘Poon! WHO CARES WHAT Mr. RopNey BLUEHOSE THINKS ABOUT ANYTHING /” ‘“Exaorty, Awp yet, as I HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT HE ALWAYS THINKS JTST WHAT His WIFE TELIS HIM TO THINK, AND PASSES IT OFF 4S BIS OWN—WBY, THERE YOU ARE, DON’TOHERKNOW |”

ROUNDABOUT READINGS, OnrLpren’s Booxs, In the New Review for this month Mr. F. Anstey discourses santly on “‘ An Old-fashioned Children’s Book,” namely, The child Family, written by Mrs. SHenwoop, and published so agoas 1818, The Fairchild a consists of a layer of childi scrapes and adventures sandwii between thick slabs of pious allusions, snd spotted, like a currant cake (the simile cannot offend), with texts, Never were parents so prompt as the Fairchild to marae the a by occasion, — never = children so —- ned in dragging e prospect of ** hell, place which burns for ever with fire and brimstone,” as a punishment for the very least deviation from the narrow path of correct behaviour. Mr. Anstey accounts for the popularity of The Fairchild Family on several grounds, He is disposed to think that a great many children have a natural thy with priggish and that to others it must have afforded unholy joy to hear of the hot water the gocd children were constantly getting into. , a8 he points s to eat are chronicled and death-bed out, “ throughout the book various thin scenes, both of which, as is well known, have a curious fascination with much vee and there are of Ww for childish or uninstructed minds. These reasons may account for we = I think Mr. Anstey nearer to the real causa eo e there are many incidental stories, all moral, but none absolutely uninte , some ingenious and pretty. And finally, the is y well-written in its old-fashioned way, and has a earnestness that would go far to keep many a worse popularity of The Fatrchild Family when he savs do

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Tuere you have it. Incidental stories will any book popular amongst children. Th whisked euddenly off the beaten tenck'<f thet into it by the sanguine ith Gulliver's Travels, Swirt's master- and extensive popularity as much to the take in its marvels as to any delight ¢x- a fine piece of satire in itself that the gloomy ighest effort in satire should have afforded simple delight to tion after generation of young folk incapable of satire. I maxpty know what boys most care to read nowadays, A little ellow of ten, who is now staying with me, is deep in Prisoner finished Huckleberry Finn. In a day or two of the Nineteenth Century—a grand Mesers. Casseri. Do boys still early joys of Peter Simple and ing terrors of The Dog- on Phantom +9" I read delight, not a year ago. ALLAN- Henry is a friend to the the airs brothers for naughtiness, Yes, I th priglete—-darling, but still undeniable, little

Deristrion.—* The Present Day,” i.e., My Birthday.

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—

= PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Aran 18, 1896, | == i) rd a => See -y i - SS OSs pS =a~ > > 2 F => th aaa 5 LOS 2 .) a | =) SS ‘ SS fa \ ’ = = r | Vv = i

= a = ‘ a — A < =Vu 3 = Vet =) aan +9 r S 4 « oy Vaenereee: ee 7? ce / “THE ENRAGED HOUSEHOLDER.” (Vide recent Letters in "' Times” on Street Noises.)

"err rcgpuepeee -B er

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Apaib 18, 1896.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ALL AND. 6, ZEA =x - UNWILLING 10 Give ue Horses ALTOGETHER, CAPraIN P4LHAM EFSECTED A COMPROMISE, His FIRST APPEARANCE IN THE PARK CREATED QUITE A SENSATION, OWED TO THE MOON. LIGHT IN EGYPTIAN DARKNESS, (Extracted from the Chamberlain Sphinz.) “( swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon!” said love- ’ sickiJuket. echoing blindly the anti-lonar prejudices of poets and other Op he ok re emo ge! lunatics.’ The moon is nowavenged. Mr. CLements, the great weather- Well, you must be aware that the new Réwrorn ray prophet,{does swear by the moon. In his earlier attempts at vaticina- ide tbeoeh it cannot be seen / tion he was thrown out, owing to ‘neglecting the moon.” Luna took And so with our plan on the banks of the Ni'e, her revenge by *‘ throwing out” his calculations. Now Mr. Clements Which is—let us say—our “‘ z ray.” has conciliated the moon by ‘‘ making a study of her”; and she has You just wait a bit— will find {¢ worth while~ done for him, what neither the sun or the ts would or could do, The result will be F mend as the day. namely, enabled him to foretell the for long years ahead, A tentative is our Soudan advance “within say eight or fen per cent. of correctness.” To be sure slight Bat sf it meet with defeat ° pepe epee . ~ dae to the ovetaggiag of are al (At the hands of the Rads, or the Mahdi, or France), e wi predi » may occasional], ’ then dden retreat ! upeet the! practical arrangements based upon moon-guided prog- _— — . pom eng : But rr s ~~ ? If yoy the Ly ye prophesy that it wi ne to-morrow (when you are going F Oxp Co —"T there is a Commons Pre- married) and it is mot fine until the next day, owing simply to BOS AB ND VO aarte, ~ : There ‘ surface discrepancies,” you needn’t blame the Burry Road mya | 8 vation Why not a Lords Preservation P seer and Society. his familiar satellite for so slight an error as that. It will be fine, | ™*Y be one, for aught I know, but I ~~ away in the country, and tooner or later, and if a weather-prophet’s prophecy is ultimately | °°"**TV® myself to myself. — ” fulfilled, why quibble about a : ene? of twelve hours, or BABBLEBROKE OF GREFNF/ELDS. even twenty- t is eight— ten—per cen’ error euch pit in estimates ostheno of tis. Cuauaprs and the moon? Ph THE psregrmem Prace.—It bp pespeaed p rw M4 A O, swear not af the mocn, the inconstant moon Boys at Birchington. Ex Who > = ophes foo tensed boost , .” Bat whither shall the smack 8 go For she, and Mr. Clements linked together, Will tell you all about forthcoming weather. F See “ monthly changes in her circled orb,” Paradoxical. ae dwt, em gly roe And a new Ode to Luna will be owed. That people pertina y prating For, like a sporting tipster, she, ro doubt, st Board Schools are anxious to arrange dpe.” Will prove “upon the spot "—or thereabout. all schools now should be exempt from ‘' rating. Just trust to her and Mr. C. _—- And you may always hope for CLement(s) weather Remarxaste Domesticrry or Tue “ Ixcanpescent Liont.”— It is very steady. It never goes out. Morro D —_** nor — = esTituTe Arens,—‘‘ Give me neither poverty isin Sill eae bal

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“ SAME IDEA ONLY ANOTHER WAY OF PUITING IT.” First Swell, ‘How arm you To-pay, Orn Bor?” Second Swell, ‘‘Onux Mippire, Gor a souiy coop Comp!” First oo “'Taar att? Doosep LUCKY, OLD FELLAH, YOU HAVEN'T GOT A WRETCHED B sAD ONE ‘ARRY ON SPRINC-TIME AND SPORT. eo likeways are Pulpit and Tin. Dear CHARtre,—The trees is all blobby with buds and e” bustin’ pa to ywith Oh, whe wot eS. it is to ’ave things| Good old Easter is over and gone, and the | « ‘oly calm, ” Ae it. I a Mother Natare, appa is seen. never ’ave felt it before Fan. 1 eggutegpenidea Het ie I de sow, deer oli man; bat since ny winter ""Immondiol ‘ont ” now ean with | ley ap bee got blossom, with ’ ety be put up the spout, calm all up my beck. ar We ain’t ’ad not no winter to speak of; no Wath ivng for, anti, old hoyater 5 sta} snow, and no on the bust. True-Blueness with The "Water Cos, tlammo Wich bines With, now they feel OK. . T trust. mee al the de “Ve— h them plaguey Progressives knocked out, And I thinks or tant and Fifty as| And Conservatives in, follows dear AnTHuR and Jor, the good old pm. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Bom ood Wate 5 Seth of Spleen I [Apr 18, 1896, Till wot set wi Sins fe CT: ieee I a pee vee ems ee To love: oak to general lumminess, Senti- ment’s slop as J spurn, Bat fll me, re and “ stirs somehink wih and a new pair up the eam An -_— Day— a bit of a spin From eng A to Tuesday is yum-yum, man, just as Spring- comes in. . aoe = bike this last ’oliday. Tell , [’m a dab ae te tey Satety by this time, It’s proper! A aA. Sens ack sin’t no er nor more When I 1, ~,-- y leg over the saddle :nd Canis okey eaitae ann Tho ie, wate, Hie aeunteeuaiias, b levelling class, ah! and sex. Bat biking and bacca, lik —s. and don’t dror no line ; And the Dachess Fumrupex on Yer wheel ain’t no ’appier than me upon mine. 1 oepaing ke faa ee pospenas Bie Sep. a gy as I’ve met on the Healing R out for ‘or & run— cite Doses *is name I ’ave ’eard, t h I don’t know the gent— On ’is with ‘is boy at ’is back, is « picture of crimson content. : eee Gilpin, you k Al ber tad nes but, Jimimer! e’s give that the chuck long And now bikes, a eh air buster. ’E ts “* a dead open As the Yankees remark; and I envy ’is style, B. "is pace, and ’is cut, With ‘is ’appy fat smile, and fine calves, and a *is changes of rippin’ rig-out,— won’t run to, dear boy,—’e’s "i ay aston, Hy > Aaa m tne Me of a book called, 4 on a Bike. Once afloat— by a printer I know—it will run "like Three Men in a Boat. Ah! more I wi thw dap wonder, for And it’ only old fogies ps, cock boy, ks 8 popular gam me ere a nd it's that's wy old eran fst dow dreadfully down ant a. sand + m4 knickers and pretty-girl

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Apri 18, 1896.) (=

I’d a race on the road t’other day with a thing in blue, And af 1 was mot licked, y. Tad to do all as J knew. It was bellows to mend with the pair on us when we pulled up at a pub. Sez I, * Hatty Lanter ain’t in it with you, Miss!” e name of ’er club. Called after a great Greek girl runner, I’m Id.) “A ” she, to. Bez ‘Tf I’adn’t been munch some happles at lunch—well, ry mL Wy she called me that name I’ve no notion. But if Mrs. Grundy ’ad seen Us downing that ‘ill neck and neck, the old trot would ’a’ ly turned green. Not womanly? No, but it’s girlish, and bully for say I. They are some sports out in G: I am told, Greek girls ’ave a shy Wy not? If you’ve been to Olympia, and seen the ——— at work,— The GRACES, Gamsteys, and Par- LIARDES,—Great Scott! you must be a old Turk To turn on the vinegar-cruet. In spite of all P ueals, And Greniigidh sonabien, the world must make way for the Woman on Wheels! So among “‘ § s Delights” now with me, ‘ety is one o’ the fust. I am teaching my best girl to pedal, She’ll turn out.a seorcher, I trust ; And when she’s ho fay I shall bring ’er to see you, My tandem will carry— Though she ’t no light weight—my Kirry, and yours anon, RRY, OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Ur till now I thought that the patent for writing rassly striae semenes) cuses e gallan e OuN GILBERT, to ilk , had _ been acquired by Messrs. “Q,” Haccarp, Hatt Carvg, AntHony Hors, Franx Banretr & , Limited,

ite be 85 the construction dust raised, yet is there tourbillon that does not purpose; and in the conversation without its pe = is there a an without its proper destina’ rf Ly hero } eK, = the , insomue'l represents taele of the hig ly namely, risking life for venging the death of a fri ing one who had to g atl aries grees Es i a RB

<3 see uy Shee Hf | ry PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

FE fs ; iE TH a al

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186 | AVrz-vous QUEIQUEBOCHOsE A DécLaARER, Mapaus!” DAN: a} ii We j A 7 | A DECLARATION ‘Om, wee! Jmg DECLAR QUE NOOS AVONG PAIRDEW TOO NO BAGGARGE ol wit :—Jan date (or d er M “WHAT WE ARE COMING TO NEXT.” We understard that, after the Early snother measure, entitled the Household become law. The following is a (L) At 5 a.m, in summer, holder is required to see that state one or none} have risen of Morals on du by tie he will (II. report that the ki sue & summons against the H By 9 a.m. the Householder must have all breakfast-tables and other dishes, is papers must be received after 8 a.m. Under this clause the Inspector may, for any infringement reise 4 ceeding £20. (ILL, weekly cleanings poses of 11 a.m, and 2 P.m., but no = older’s premises may occur save on April 1, June 19, and on a Sunday, the previous Saturday will as the cfficial day of observance. The Inspector the house (or chambers, or fiat) on all such occasions. vary from £1 to £100, (LV.) Unless the Householder can prove an annum, no late dinner shall eat-tea or supper (the bill mand to the Inspeo Oysters, turtle who are unable to certify toan in indirect taxation. Hot Sunday journals are le 3 : oF ain - ~~ 8 g i F z : 5 o. ? te by a champagne are absolu Who is your wine merchant, and what is your monthly account iquor supplied? ([* This need not includ mineral waters, en, must comprise bitters, such as peach, orange, ard Y-7 Give the of ba eae, tein, exnlele medical adviser, tailor or haberdasher, washerwoman, solicitor. emises [* if a freeholder, title must be proved], y, or executors, or ker, greengrocer, butcher, grocer, er (or both ), beotmaker, — fi , musical instru- , muffic-man, (if any), band) and Verr Yas Mxasune.—The Raines Bill, as inforoed in the NI SH “HISZHOREAK AN() GEXVL-ENKO ‘ATUNOAUYD IsNOd I,, AMIT G@7TQO0HS I-LaAd HILLII V war «AAO NAMVL

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PUNOH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI—Apnit 18, 1896. THE PATIENT ASS.

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— St eS Shea taR RE SRES ESS SG BEHSAS ARBRE Bes as SH RRS RFS EK ERA es SUR eer amor Seen 6m eS 3 ] life gol oo! ge’ no’ wo { be the ha m

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Aram 18 1896.) PUNCH,’ OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. SOMETHING JAPANESE. ¥ : E oe E iL st a ‘ ber & 8 é F - ig! Fe 1 re li 1; Hf a f i : iled pesos of a, polite gen Y whose business it was to provide | players with the mecessary weapons for the j rosecution of “the” game, Once inside the Hi tLF ee shop, Porrixs and his professional friend proceeded, in spite of all ge on my part, 5 supply me (at my own expense with an outfit of ** clubs,” as they called them, to enable me to learn the game at the shortest possible notice, I really can’t remember the names of all the awful instru- ments I purchased at that shop. They were all so new and nice that, after a time, I was = | interested, swinging the :7 = e 28> et *niblick” or something. I did like that “‘niblick”—it was a real powerful elub—it reminded me of a battle-axe, I felt I could “rely” on it all the time. Well, after a time Porrizs mo awey as ithout the elu which | insisted on taking home to a my hg mS and we arrang’ own (PorriEs Lees to Kenelaat) and have a quiet game next day. Saturday. On returning home, I practi in the dra -room with the clubs, as Porrizs said I must get into the right “ swing.” That * swing” cer- tainly turned out sive, as during my practice I not only managed to clear the cabinet of iy Bs A ried! Bs ae pathise with anything When I put it to her in this way she sticks about do it ‘on the common.’” She did I: but I didn’t say so. I only observed if the drawing-room was the only room mod remarible conte hick carta id remar a He had a hm wide-a , Burrato Brit in sealp-hunting this he ed a brilliant red cost with tease i re i Ha! ae a] . ~time, there’s a peritine Oe * necessaries at i] uF ; E §

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190 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Aprit 18, 1896, t dram with the offi ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. preyed or a Prstestent dren we Oe he EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. a Ge oe Soe od raced, him em Mouse of Cunmens, Tavetey April 9.—What Corporal Han- brow as he 1 t of what only a year ago he would have said on wast cotesed Gesnghent ~Ly the watches of this night me tongue can Cyan, Bers had fo defend the Dass of the Post Off. mates, aank tae, pa net, te cheance af Members oil a ae eet eo peeeeee & in rural parishes; OssoRNE Movoay ogo Private Hcy lot Goong. Only a short protesting against official ition in the Postal Guide of Welsh age Evivet vate Hanon, supp supported by Cap’ oMMY, ‘Letheennel @ places by Saxon nicknames oe NIKER-Hxatow, hot, as he tolda sympat thetie ~_ io wer avel At and act BARTLEY a4 h old time. I “ cust ls, a in being in their place sie os for i { De- Pp toally on resum sit- tee) bis familiar speech, tings. Finan Se These and others filled the to T air with murmur of muiti- — le a. eyes tude of words Corporal Hay- istentog pa hope at pros- BuRY would have uttered ranning through hed he still been Private, pest ot of ae ‘“*Ah, Tosy,” he countenarce as - a = we the three Lamond posite om second - beneh L aoe Gangway. : Knew what was in store from them; never ‘ pointed. Private Hawnory . made prodigious speeches on every vote. When discus- Business done, — Post sion thus raised uished, Office Vote worried h. Cap’en 7 8 ing his iday. — ht trysails to jib in Committee of Supply. loffed, bore aan an fired Attendance and, in a broadside that filled the ce practice in House with smoke and the Minister in charge of the vote with mortification. Again sky cleared ; conver- = ® ym get Chairm ion that Mr. Hanbury (Financial Secretary to the Treasury) to Mr. Manburw (che rep: esentative f the Post Office in the House of Commons), “ Money for the Post Office, dear boy ; cer- bat to go home, Mem- vote be agreed upen, when ‘dinty, nlwage delighted to sblige You” : 75° hers meee did. Gen- the Blamelers BARTLEY, «The Treasury exercised control over Post Office expenditure, and it was ther: fore an Hemen ride tiushing like the harvest ,avantage to the Post Office to be di peetly represented by a Treasury official in that having nothing oles to xd wasting to Fao ay ay feet House.”— Mr. Hanbury’s Speech, April 9. om, Se gs on = Ah, me! the days that are no more. To-night Hansvry, private | majority omnipotent here as elsewhere. Motion to adjourn carried no longer, bat but - Mo yp od LL 2 off. further promotion, sits hy 95 to 29. Eviction forthwith carried out. Passers-by Palace alone on Treasu in chai hose very estimates whose Yard at half-past ten surprised to find Jonw Burws, Lrorp-Grorer, passsge be used 1 to obstruct. Cen Touuy's hammock empty. Dr. Tanner, Datzret, and the Boy A1Lew (not to be confounded Blameless B., one of the gems the dark, unfathomed ae of ocean with the Man ALLaN) coupet out amid the sticks and st« nes of their bear, blushes eleewhere unrecn. Others take their places; ALBERT furniture in shape of rejected Amendments. Roxtrr with Praag ie aria 8 pane, who at the eral Elec'ion| “ state «f things we’re o> ming to,’ said Jomm Burvs, didn’t care for Trojan or Tyrean, but would vote for the man who glo *Buriness all over by ten o'clock; "shutters =35 Sa Res. 8 EsS4 S33 SBWSbPSESTPRFEZE « SY om

l=

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Arnit 18, 1896.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 4g 4 m a Wr => =a’ © ao AAT AM OCAMMOS CNMHZEK THE REVIVAL OF THE OLYMPIC GAMES AT ATHENS. Portion of a Design for the suggested restoration of the Frieze of the Parthenon in commemoration of the event. the excessi with which h ed his head from vicinit JOTTINGS AND TITILINGS, je yee why | nnd rs ae Viotaity (By Basoo Hurry Bonesno Janpgesss, B.A.) It was truly No, X. cae GER Mr. Jabberjee is taken to see a Glove-Fight. A yroune sprightly Londoner acquaintance of mine, who is a menber of a Club where exhibitions of are | or periodically given, did generously invite me on a recent Monday "rod though not soustitatioaaily Valliocss, I eagerly antepted his od, though not con cose, I ea invitation on belaes assured that I should not’ be sonietlaned tet take part personally in sack pugilistic exercises, and should observe same foom a safe distance and coign of vantage, for I am sufficiently a lover of sportfulness to appreciate highly the sight of courage and “to ho condusted mao to the Cinb-bouse, and bby the of e con me to the Ciub- an sesame of a ticket enabled me to penetrate the barrier, after whioh I followed his wake downstairs, through rooms full of ing and conversing sportlovers mostly in festal attire, to a long lofty hall with | name. . balconies and a stage at the f end with foliage painted in| Whereupon most did desist; but some, secreting their imitation of a forest, which was tenanted by press reporters. the hollow of their took whiffs by stealth, and bl The centre of the hall was monopolised by a white square platform | find it fame; while others, who were such and big pote that confined by a circumambience of petmoneh Ant I was informed was| their own convenience was the first and foremost desidsratum, con- Oe ae eee tinued to smoke with lordliness and indifference. Presently two hobbardyhoys e the ascent of this platform! And I am an approver of such conduct—for it is unreasonable that with their attendant myrmidons, and did prccsed to remove their | a well-bred, genteel sort of individual should make the total sacri- trouserings and coats until they were in the state of na‘ure with the | five of a cigar, for which he has perhaps paid as much as two or even exception of a loineloth, whereupon the President or Master of the| four annas, out of consideration for insignificant common chaps Ceremonies introduced them and their respective partisans b hirei to engage in snipmaps for his en eat. f ; to the assemblage, stating their prec'se bilit , and The last competition was to be the bonne bouche and picce de résist- uvenile antagonists were fraternally re by ties of brotherhood. consisting of a At which I was revolted, for it is against nature and contra bonos mores that relations should be on into family jars, nor can | the such proceadings tend to promote rom | icity of their home circle. However, on such occa the youths were in danger of inflicting cor, j upon each other, the President called oat “Time ” in such reproving their heads in sham and desisted. And at length they were pasado inte ¢ Meedeeien nnd asks he onmdtaocic te] kal tan to an capi apelin te, Chlems 1 cati n h oth ty sol eal ot’bale thaking each other by the hand, whereat I was rejoiced, for, as Poet Warts says, “ Birds which are in little nests should refrain from falling out.” The vi was adjudged to the elder brother—in obedience, I | ings supponn, to tas wale of Peimegevieaee for be did at succeed i2 ucing his opponent to a hors de combat. Hee & more bestliag cneouster between Misters Brus ! YsTERIous SMITHS, w. was om ae duration of eight rounds. I was largely under t HUSBAND was to win, owing to the acclamations he received, and it, but that

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192 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

and puerile restrictions, for none can expect to compound an ome- lette without the fracture of eggs. Upon remarking as above to my young lively friend, he assured me that even a gloved hand was ——- to produce facial dis- figurement and tap the vital finid, offered to demonstrate the woth of his statement if I would be the partaker with him in a glove- x. Ba h doubting the authenticity of his assertions, I thought it wert ts dctiantine ood of thn padding, and oo Week cipitate leave of him with thanks for his urp “ ness, and many promises to put on the gloves with him at the first convenient opportunity.

A LITTLE WALK. (From Monte Carlo to Nice.) Tuat is, from La Turbie, Up to La Turbie by train. Not exactly a walk sofar, Also <P. The romance begins at the top, on the famous and beau Route de la Corniche, Arrived find everyone strolls quite naturally into a restaurant, which might be in Paris, except that it is filled with English and Probably the romance begins further on. From the terrace look down, in both senses of the word, on the little mass of white build- ings, variously described as ‘‘ the plague spot of the Riviera,” mostly ye? -— English books, and ‘* Un paradis terrestre,” mostly in frivolous French pers. F showy hotels, the tawdry cafés, saumptuously at the é Richissimes, and the losers hastening to 8 inscribed ** Avances sur Bijouz.” Can almost hear the music (!) outside the café in the Place du Casino, that execrable noise which e strangers may innocen ine is uced bythe Monte ee gen Lm ye Fd tie eee After déjeuner stroll along Road, towards Nice, and meet a (ierman ist, carrying a grey umbrella. [Did anyone ever tourist, ing Je 5 4 - 2h e ‘n ex you meet a publice-house,” Thank blue sea the distant view, till I meet the public-house which is ineribed ** Café Restaurant, doubt very much réservés, since a gl ma vg fo bey es ji is plump, young. cumference of her waist is about inches. Her dress is not a may Fy oe grey brella. Possibly they wears a at, @ carries a um are —— Po: ? Ja Pe nies Sane om rechin! Ja, ja, ja! a, ja, ja! no any doubt. am walk on arm in arm, and the man’s boots creak at every 8 Cannot possibly walk all the way to Nice behind a man who talks German loudly, who wears a green hat, and whose boots creak incessantly. uld have tolerated the green hat, as it reminds me, in form and colour, of the hat of Noah in my early childhood, but the boots are beyond end their wearer out of hearing. By this time there are clouds in oe ae a sea, sky, hills, trees. The only spots of colour are the of the Germens, the distance. It will probably rain soon. There is Villefranche just down below. Will step down in a few minutes and catch a train to take me back to Nice in time for dinner. : i Start down gaily. A peasant recommends a short eu sort of short cut in the Alpes Maritimes—all j cutting is chiefly of one’s boots. To scramble than walking slong the road. that. V immense zigzag. Begin to think it will tak minutes to get down to Villefranche, Hurry on a half a mile towards Genoa. Then at last the road tu half a mile towards Marseilles, The only place I approach is Villefranche. At one time am almost another seem close to Nice, Full Arrive at a place where the zigzegs. The only person in sight isa step. wy - she speaks rome does, for she though +a | French with difficulty, ** aller @ la gauche.” at the same poin to the rik. *" droite ou a gauche ?” Task } mp = ” i for a See + wr on again. ish I had walked to Niece. have Ucen weulyy Glave Sour At last see Villefranche station below. ee ee a taante Daly ae (ea eens station, feouenes nearer, and on towa: oe On return journey perceive the train in the the bay. Start running, still down shouts, whistles, scream of a locomotive. “ Le train est parti, monsieur,” | : F i ist r FS : : = e B ite fit cfetaFees

——. [Apri 18, 1896

mY 4 dal -

Impatient Traveller, ‘‘ER—HOW LONG WILL 1HB NEXT TRAIN BE, Portant”’ Porter, “‘Haaw tone? Were, Sim, AH DUNNO HEAW AH CoN SAAY TO HAUP AN Ince, HAPPEN THERE'LL BE FOWER OR FIVE Oo-acnEs AN’ A ENGINE OR 804,”

THE GERMAN EMPEROR TO THE CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY BOAT CLUB. (A copy of this hitherto unpublished document has tome into the possession of Mr. Punch, who, out of consideration for his readers, has had it literally translated, and now offers it to the admiration of the world.) My pear Heer Presipent,—Lately returned from a mort beau- tifal and never-to-be-forgotten t, wherein I visited soenes by = not to be contempla ai Kee the ie footing. tet I tate-paper from Imperial Kanzler (he is a good wy, old Honen tone, but slow, and through a brick-wall he at all see) sateranieg, con Sat enep more the young men of Cam- bridge have a lost. Pines pea © year too, have I deemed it my duty to send to (Oxford my heartiest luck-wishes on their successful lings after vic- tory. Bat, pot-thousand what does this mean that you seven i af bushes let vourselves be stuck’ Thunder-weather! how can you endure it? My py AL AE Pe up, y every ‘ore I my in my tub, row I two thousand strokes at two hundred to the minute on the machine, That is more than miserable thirty-four, not true? So I have overlaid theee in my Imperial mind filled with good townnde you, pnd L eqmennsn topes West I will do, Next yess | wit imprison my Editors for lése-maj. and for the 1 Ia set out. Thus I will be free of nuisances and come to Cambridge in J with the Empress family, not forgettiag a nurse for whom most comf seame eno te i taken in yor Deters: nik Ben ond oe every day, and sometimes, surprite-visi you in py row till Aurora appears over the Gogmagogish Mountains. I will liv with my suite (500 persons). with your Viee- Kanzler. Daily I will conduct prayers in your University Chureb where all must and will examine your young men for their mathematical know three times in every week. For the Cam- bridge free-willers I will bea General and a Father. After this! know Cambridge will win. Your gratitude I accept. Wine R, avo L F I y @ put & bist

Post-scriptum.—I have a new uniform for the University Crew.

The helmets and top-boots that form part of it are colossally beautifal

BOTANIC M HOC

Page 15

| KS (EVERY “HOME| ME |

PUNCH, OB THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Araw 18, 1896,

ITLED al COGNAC. u, NEW BoD STREET, | BERLIN PHOTOGRAPHIC Co. BENZINE po)

New Ivory Wo

BENZINE BENINE 0 Hiaek mee

Lan bON, |

ANS oa OLAS. —Ask f for * ‘Collas” ~CLEANS DRESSES. © ANS G LO )VES.—CLEANS DRESSES. CLEANS G = Foil —|me. I can =e nd and cer- ee i? veces} Pasa EM gee ; uy “ Collas.” tainty any whe any time, COLLAS.—t or Ad; OK Soominell in the fn bed, and on so cate Dh alt 5 Sess pation REMOVES TAR, OIL, .—PAINT, EME | Sete: me iva ~e FROM FURNITURE,—CLOTH, &¢ A Pen as nearly perfect as inventive ely 4 OV ES. —CLEA ANS oo

NOT BUY COMMON BENZINE. word COLLAS on the Label and Cap. h is th Hs r usi priginal : Eapercenia hae Extra refined. t becomes quite ode ourless. OLLAS. —Ask for “ Collas ” qather. and Is, 6d. per bottle. "

WAR NSA flectly ‘ss, Agee its 7.84 Sanden zn &Sons,?,W intley Bt Oxforsst. Hy. § Veeueie Niidni duce 2 tod Ib. @ week} on the food in conversion into Pat. Sold dyalfChemists Send stamp for pamphlet, BOTANIC MEDICINE CO.,3, NEW OXFORDBr, MO. | BOCEE" 8 — ute fectual HOOPING GOUGH, | EMBROCATION. d cure without intemal 4 e Wh nolesale Agents, W. Epwaaps e" i537, Queen Victoria Street, London. y most Chemists. Price 4s. per bottle. Panis—Banac, 14, Rue de la Paix. York—Fovogha & Oo, N Wiitam

Yory Handle, >. pA. A Pair le, ie. Gd. Ty and). an Russia leather case all Pp + Otfoaw®, Whee

inka w. i REAL GERMAN HOLLOW GROUND 5 by rls g

HIERATICA Nors Parsgnr, 5 Quires, 1s. Court Envelopes, + wo 100. Thin, for Foreign 5 Quires, ls. Mourning Note, 5 Quires, ls Brvlopn 3.6 0 ls. aos Of all Stationers, @ acnéPtamps % Hicfatica W orks, ea. Upyfitr Themes Stra “ Disfigured for Life” Is Ree “us oo dct b we Me ee Ld r 5 Jt tea her, to social and business succres, Do FB ae a that these oy 4 «Se Doctors ey : ai

—_

= — in

Manufactured in THREE sizes at 100 16/6 & 25/- nd nos

“Yes, if the in D 3 Cvriebed Gener EACH. § llave earned the tisle Skin Specifics, met | How MR. HALL CAINE WROTE § | Pecaaes Se Fay Se a mae 4 ~ | There are that they cannot cure, byt they A: nis quanes, you are very welcome to -y no | engpnne 567 ial 4 that I wrote the "MANXMAN” with 2 Qne Shiiting in eet the SWAN FOUNTAIN PF Will prove - & P has become quite indispensable to An short HEN wowueae.

skill can produce. We only require your steel and handwriting to select a suitable pen. Complete Tllustrated Catalogue sent post Z Sree on application. FLOR iE DNDIGUILS Of exquisite flavour and aroma. 3d. each. Cool weet — tad : Sis, REGENT STREET, W., | “Beautifull and

-_—=* — See py E, 00eeesee. “«

Sold only in l-ounce Packets and 2, 4. and 8-ounce, and 1-lb. Tins, ich Keep the Tobacco in Fine Smoking Condition. Ask at all Tobaééo Sellers, Stores, &c., and take no other. Myegcnpioe egy She Tyne Mags, “NOPTENGIAM CASTLE" op. erery Packet ang i.

Mo tee ge OW - ey ae PLAVES'S nit GUT CHARETTES,,

eae

In Packets and Tins only, containing 12, 24, 60, and 100. rot «

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Oo ee tee et Om a oe ee Ore ‘sc. PENHAGEN A | Gieaiy RANDY. FRERES’ FIRST QUALITY CHAMPAGRE, | INC'S au

ALWAYS ORDER as other Waters of inferior quality are now * often supplied, bearing labels the same style and coleur as BC. EWwarrye. SCH y PEERS Weterp are supplied he Queen.

SUCHARD’S COCOA. Nature’s Choicest.

THE *SIMCETT’ Potent 7268, 1894. Mail Cart and Perambulator Combined. - SIMPSON, FAWCETT ny CO., LEEDS.

NON-MERCURIAL. Universally admitted to be the Best and Safest Article Electro-Plate, ae. six nm ~4 MEDALS. : ft. £G and f+. 98 <2 pees

Page 16

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Arriz 18, 1896. gay ‘‘ No Better r Food Exists. ’’—tondon Meticat Record, s Food, which patent should be tried wherever pA. FR. ved en y satisfactory. —— Allen & te \mgroms Gre of the tants fend fe we eden! ther Laltog ae , sae . — — “ oe ars Lees red for ay ype Alle ad tburys. i : "Food nie be a : be tried to be aL ON DON “ ; ad pted Med stimony and full Directions accompany each tin, Sold Everywhe apes 2/-, 5/-, and 10/- tins. VAPO-CRESOLENE Whoop ing Cough Instantly or and Quickly or Cuitpren, by simply brea pthing Ge ¢ Vapour of Crzsovene, brain — —h. cain nary relief in — and the disorder is rapidly put an end to, generally in a is a perfectly safe A sony and will wot harm Gorgenanet child. Cresovens is most valuable in Asthma, Catarrh, Scarlet Fever, Diphtheria, Hay ae bn and is claimed to be the most powerful antiseptic and disinfectant at present known. LA _ iser,wi mp 2. bottle of Cresolene Complete, 6/- able thre y Chemist. Creselene can be had — Fs in in bottles, at 1/14 and 2/-. =” Ash your Chemist one i fer 2 Dasriptive Cirester Allen & Hanburys Li 'Ltd., London. CROSSE & BLACKWELL'S PICKLES, SAUCES, MALT VINEGAR, JAMS, SOUPS, AND POTTED MEATS, May be obtained from Grocers through- out the World. GROSSE & BLACKWELL, LIMITED, SOHO SQUARE, LONDON. » C1 ko a ‘It is excellent in quality and flavour.”—Lance. || Liebig -Company’s red by | Lt EACH JAR BEARS FAC-SIMILE OF JUSTUS VON LIEBIQ’s THE BEST Extract WORLD-KNOWN Oo £ Bee £ SIGNATURE IN BLUE INK ACROSS LABEL. FRAY BENTOS OX TONGUES ARE THE BEST. LEA & PERRINS SAUCE has been known for more than FIFTY YEARS ALL OVER THE WORLD. ASK FOR LEA & oi SAUCE, And observe that Soe the Signature Sold Wholesale by the Proprietors, Worcester; CROSSE & BLACKWELL, Ld., London; and Export Oilmen generally. RETAIL EVERYWHERE. WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE o- is now printed in Blue Ink diagonally across the OUTSIDE WRAPPER of every Bottle. Printed by W Se ee hy eed a el Pe ee