Punch 1896-04-11: Vol 110 Iss 2857

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oe mummers hoo oo ===>. CORDON HOTELS 22> CLIFTONVILLE HO LORD WARDEN HOTEL, "DOVER."

turned, gs. or Pictures of any description. will In no cages be re To this iule tbare will Le uo esvepicon

Registered at the General Post Office as a Newspaper. EVERY SATURDAY y/ N° 2857. VOLUME CX, APRIL 11, PUBLISHED < re ae ts comp PRICE THREE PENCE. Ig ye rar i) Hs % 8 s . 3 ‘ F y z 1 § 4 e a ) Z ao wall } oi PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, ~ Phe ol LONDON.

i 5 : 3 : 5 & : / g ; 5 § 5 F 6 z J g e z a

as other Waters of inferior quality are now often supplied, bearing et labels of the same style and colour as SCHWEPPE’S. SCH WEPPE’S. Watera_ are supplied to The Queen,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Aprru 11; 1896.

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A complete camera on 4 smal! scale. Weighs only 5} ounces. Size of Picture, 1} x 3 inches Carries a spool of light-tight film for 12 exposures. Loaded and unloaded in daylight. Pitted with new automatic shutter; brilliant view finder PRICE, Leaded with 12 Exposures of Film, Zi is. EASTMAN hd 17 Oxford St., London, W. PARIS: 4 Place Vendé ime. “FOR THE BLOOD 1s THE Ure.” -CLARKE’S WORLD-PAMED BLOOD MIXTURE Is warranted to cleanse the blood from all impurities, from whatever cause arising. For Scrofula, Seurvy, Eczema, Bad Skin and Blood Dis Pimples Sores of all kinds, ‘ects are mar- elioua. It le the only foal for vat and we Pains, for it removes ve cause from the bleod and bones. Th ennde of cunieeteh Saree taoe been effected by it. In bottles, 2s. 9d. and lis. each, of Chemista everywhere.

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pate ararr Serre aanrarre SPS PSE PFE FR FF” | Ava 11, 1896.] CURZON AND CRISES. Tax mystery of Isis A wonder to the wise is : Yet ’tis, though fraught With naught To—CURZON on & Crisis ! Our clever Mr. Curzon There never was For bard to turn a verse on. He told us, in the Autumn, That Crises,—tohen we“ caught” ’em,— Were always due To some Rad crew; About no Tory brought "em, England was calm and sober, As a bland air by AUBER, Since SALISBURY came Oar foes to tame ;— But that was last October ! We never, never, never From peace were like to sever While Cxcrt great Controlled the State, With Curzon, young and clever. Batere the Springtime, Crises,— Despite Conzon’s ** advices,” — ere plentiful With poor Jouw Bown As hot-cross buns or ices. The Turk turned cross and cranky ; De Dole Frit roy Yankee : $s sed rows, des’ Fa Sage Satispury’s sleight, ee And Cunzon’s hanky-panky,. AN The Muscovite and Teuton Our troubles were not mute on. To caleulate The cares of State Might floor Sir Isaac Newton, ‘““Wao aznout?” HONEST PENNY, ‘(WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ALL Day?” ‘*Wrirtne aw ARTICLE FOR THE GADFLY.” “*Ropgrt Browntrne,” Suppose YOU ’VE READ A LOT OF HIM!” B “Nor Ii Bor I mer atm once at AN Arrernoon Tra.” | j PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL To make thi (Oh. destiny e The i Drew kinks Our poliey Nilotic, Is Ly me therefore tenho’ That he poor Britons bubbled. Lord! not a mite! These crises slight He’d willingly see doubled. Crises—unto a Tory— Are means of gain and glory ; But with your Rad, If things go bad— Why, that’s another story! 8 more chaotic— I — x Extracts rrom a New Ger- mother on account of the slipper (wegen der Pantoffein), A ComprriTrioy I” wHICH THe “Spor” Srroke 1s Nor ARRED,—American corn-deal- A MONTE CARLO HOTEL BILL. Tue following, as an im t on the present system of in- the Prinsipality Sf Maceon, Tt to hoped thet this mecinne of cn e ci 0! en of an coccunt for Ga bedroom for one night will convince gentleman that the new method is an ble one, and worthy of immediate adoption. HOTEL SPLENDIDE ET DES MINES D'OR. Note de M, John Robinson, No. 1536. be 2 ooo: Chambre . . . «1 Service de I'hdtel Service de l’étage . Service de la chambre Electricité, , A Lumiére , c Boug ie ‘ i y Lit (oreiller compris) . Chaises (deux, a 3 fes.) Miroir . : Table . Feattre ss orte (clef comprise) . Plafond , , ) Parquet (tapis compris) Murs (quatre, a 3 fes.) Divers 5 Bain desiége . _Eaufroide. , Eau chaude etre | Air tiéde, extra seo . Soleil journée, ~ > . > BO DO G Ct OT bo DO bo tO DO Oe wo *- ee nore = bo —1 me CO -1 | Nors.—A eow vareien at Sir Angee Bexaxvas'a under the title of" No, jolly Jenteine prariprieecasy To BE HOPED FOR AFTER THE SOUDAN CampPatoen.— Otium cum Diewa, between us ? ” spread the report was on the point of revolt ? y the old man, sadly. considera ** And has this new di entirely changed —— THE UNPATRIOTIC TRUSTEE. (Fragment from a Stock Exchange Romance.) **So you were the author of that article which stirred = and a nation hitherto well disposed parent, sternly. “Tam not Shemel te ates 9 strife ” replied the trustee, drawing himself up to his full heigh and folie his father straight in the po fat, Le Ne that one cf the best of our colonies ‘* And why not! It was a part of my plan—the outcome of my » | duty.” **T do not understand your view of right and wrong,’’ continued ** When you were a child you used to sing ** You say truly, father. But in those days, as an infant (I was bly under one-and-twenty), I was unable to be a trustee.” your nature?” at I feel I must work my utmost for those Rule, Britannia’ at your mother’s knee. a = — 5 = VOL, ¢&,

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YR << \ ; \e \ \\ \ . \

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

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WELCOME! Britannia, ‘‘Comm rx, Laprss AND GanTLEMEN | GLAD TO GIVE you A DECENT Roor oveR your Heaps aT Last!” (The New National Portrait Gallery was opened to the public on Saturday, April 4, 1896.]

[Arrit, 11, 1896, noe oe oe. oe

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Arr 11, 1896.] VOICES FROM THE NEW BRITISH VALHALLA. (Overheard by Mr. Punch in the New National Portrait Gallery on the eve of the Ea:ter Holidays.) [‘‘ From these walls to-day, nearly eight centuries of British and allied history look down upon us in the persons of some of their principal characters.” —Daily News.} Nell Coxene, Well, here we are, housed in a palace again, and at home at | Goldsmith. Tn all our London wanderings here and there, In a)! our shifte—and we have had our rhare— I still had hopes, ere Time’s last toosin rang, In bigh palatia) walls, like these to hang. I still had hopes, for pride was ever mine, Amidst kings, queens, and heroes bright to shine ; Around my frame a holiday group to draw, And strike a gaping Cockney crowd with awe ; And as great Jounson, whom REYNOLDs drew, Poiats to the place whence with regret he flew, I still had hopes, my Jong vexatious past, Here to hang high and have a home at last, Johnson, Sir, that sufficeth! If Art is long, that is no reason why poetic y ix. For my own part, I would rather have eS Fleet Street, in the vicinity of Temple Bar, which I regret to hear the revolutionary iconoclasts of a democratic day ‘have ruthlessly removed from its ancient and time-honoured site. The worse than Whig dogs! "Tis pity their own empty noddlcs do not adorn it, as in my time ‘they would dou . btless have one, How rarely reason guides the People’s choice, Rules the Whig hand, or prompts the Tory voice! How nations sink, by rash reforms When senates listen to the Mob’s request ! Democracy wings each afflictive Distorteth Nature and degradeth Art! With fatal heat rebellious rashness glows, With fatal fiuency Rad rhetoric flows. Im ent t not the bold traitor’s breath, And restless rowdyism meets not death. Elizabeth (briskly). Marry come up! hath mine illustrious suc- headsman and cessor, VICTORIA, neither lock nor rack and thumb- screw, to take order with traitors and spouters of sedition ? Henry VIII, Verily, yes, my daughter, in effigy, or in rust, at the Tower, which is now, as we shall hereafter —T holiday-show for England’s modern ruler—the Easter Monday mob! Elizabeth (hotly). By mine halidom, I hold it foul scorn—— Charles IT, Odds-fish, madam! [Iilustrious ¢fligies should not omits emastets about the vulgar vagaries ofthe modern tag-rag- and- bobtail. Rada (coldly). Your Moejesties forget that J have lived tince ye > George IIIT, Why—why—why, so much the worse, 0 rival and rebellious George! Short work would they have made with your monstrous Monroe Doctrine, which even a CEcIL now seems too much to parley and palter with. Milton, ‘* George did but prompt the age to quit their clogs By the known rales of ancient liberty.” . Metbinks, however, that ‘‘ Caomwext., our chief of mien,” admitted in ¢figy, though not—shame on Englishmen!—at Westminster, would have taught the ‘‘ Unspeakable Turk” a sterner lesson in Armenia than the modern Ceci finds “ diplomatic.” Garrick (cheerily), Tilly-vally, Iustrious Ones, how sombre and solemn. how pompous and matical ye allare! At holiday too! Verily ye will not, at this rate, add much to the merriment the Holiday Mob, or of that somewhat sardonic the Bri Workman, but the rather tend, as SAMUEL said of my decease, to “eclipse the gaiety of nations.” Chaucer, ‘*—. some men be too curious In studie, or too melancholius,” But let not this “ temple for iture” be i an m earlier “ House of Pasa ms ee ! Byron. Right, my cheery “‘ Well of English,” undefiled (though sometimes, perhaps, a trifle thick and obscure). re and kings (like most poets) are dull dogs, as Quevepo could tell and Alrrep rue Lirrie demonstrate. Whether opening picture ralleries and museums, &¢., on Sundays will brighten the lives of Be Sons of toil and seduce them from the venal shrines of the vulgar ‘cchus as much as Lussock and others imagine, isa vhich sentimentalists and cynics may take te wll and untankerous ae modern Putllameniany debates, othe cantankerous as i or the leaden lays of little would-be — PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. il} / pert it | | aah = ' Ml) al, 2 The pd J ‘wr ey OUR SMOKING CONCERT. Trate Member. “‘ Wait, 1’tu TARR M¥ OatH I came In A Hart! Life is a jest, and all things show it To all—except a Minor Poet! - B. id, Humph! Gaiety is a dangerous game to;play with bs Bootian Bors,” anal Rosnnany is finding to his cost, and even the Rhcdian rhetorician of Malwood knows, though he does judiciously qualify laborious srarkle with Philistine ponderosity. flow say you, Swan? : Shakspeare (with calm cheer). “ There are « sort cf men whore ie Do Pn mantle like a standing pond, Ana ce 4 — — geet. : ith purpose ress'd in an opinion of winieus, gravity, profound conceit.” In Venice, Gratiano dubbed them “Sir Oracles.” In England, they are as rigid Sabbatarians, Like (/ratiano, let us fieh not with this melancholy bait for this fool gudgeon.” Here at last we be gat home, If we can give some- What of pleasure to th and beaut Sabbath, we may i Gay. tish | it fall as far short of the canting croakers who “ sit and prophesy ly of Omnes (ine g Mr. Punch). Hear, hear! test of genial sages, nourish modestly all good b § unpretentionsly our pleasant best. A STORE OF NEW JESTS. {“* The Faithful Men of Jever,’ « place near the North f Germany, » to their custom every Spring, sending Prince Brsuansk a bundeed and one plored eggs for his birthday.” — d.) Pace B-sm-ncx, addreming our distinguished Count Bew Trovato, who has forwarded the ing excellent Anglo- observed, @ Ja, Herr, of aed it \ a good yoke. Vancy new! No Yomiller Yokes among dem ! Brofeshonal Diner-out ! ”

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ad She. ‘‘ Bot way won't you ask Mr, Roprwson? A coop Szrr.” He. * Movus? Yus, we's JOLLY WELL Gor fro. TaEY Won'T LET HIM stor!” I'M SURE HE MOVES AMONG QUITE

OUR PROPERTY LIST. [“ A voleano was put up to auction jay.” ily Paper.) Messrs. Hamuer any Rosravm beg to call the attention of the nobility and fatty, the following valuable all of which will shortly be disposed of by auction, unless previously sold by private treaty. (lL) A Voleante Island in the Western Pacifie.—This charming plot, consisting of a equare acre of rock, 250 miles from the nearest mainland, is celebrated not only for Se Fae oy views which i ‘or the fact that, owing to the action of submarine voleano, it is almost certain appear entirely within a few years’ time. this account its purchaser would probably it at a high rent to any of his enemies. would also bea advantageous for a novelist wishing to dispose of his villa’ in a sensstional manner. Cards to (unless it should have disappeared

ch it commands, but | residence | meantime) may bs obtained from the auc- (IL) An Estate in Asia Minor,—It is needless to the canes eee 1 pe ie fl ; i Feet ih F i rt Ff ht ay ey iF

4 S28 F E f ¢ < ; is ! E fl Z 3 ? Ti sEF EE i" pfs e sens the public for man : fident that those delighted with their

NEW POLITICAL SONG. As Lord Rosebery at Huddersfield. "(See ily Chronicle, March 30.) Arrn—“Oh! Say not woman's heart is bought.” Ox! Say not coronets are bought With vane ane ote treasures ! are Y doubttal 2

plans of the Great Progre and anti- Water. Comper Paladin, and ex-Professor, well known Parliament and Spring Gardens. Pourney.—A ‘Parliamentary |. Bill 1s utterly unlike po University Bight, seeing that it is never certain of success tt is passed,

Carrrat Name ror an Anti-Procress!'?

——————<-

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(MEECHARIVARL —Aperic 11, 1896. ~ — oe ee CY = =~ SWAIN Se ic) GAMES.” ATHRTES AT WESTMINSTER,

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E [The | 1895-6 |The t | £109,33 for the In O DRA! This And y‘ Sim These Toa I must In 1 | Seven- Tot Hicks a} Com On Hi Bat With By : Over | |_ Oh! Wouk | Oni Retur I pa I hope It is My iz Stat As on Iwi Each . Hoy ‘No: Well, An But if Tw I env; Wh Whils Anc “Tm Bat §

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| Apri 11, 1896.] FIGURES OF FUN, [The revenue returns for the financial year 1895-6 show mess and Be ounits. The total sum ac ae amounted to £109,339,946, as against £101,697,304, so returned for the previous financial year.] Impecunious Ratepayer loqustur :— 0 pear, and Q dear! What a wonderfal year! a Drypen's Annus Mirabilis, | And yet here am I with ny ene beer, ! Simply be rare of eneiem, and cabbyless And my funds will To cubtnee Gade @een ima 9 ~ ape home and plod fal the night y pen, In » ~ to square my “last quarter” ! Seven-six-four-two-six-four-two!!! There’s a nice sum, To tot up the revenue’s 1 — will be able to e the thing Complacently now he ’ll be dwellin On Harcourt’s ‘Death Duties they slated so mueh, Bat which now redound to their glory. With such a nice little nest-egg in their clutch, By Jove, who:would not be a Tory ? Over oT millions for ‘last quarter’s Oh! , I just wish to heaven you Would pire me the tip how to make fortune On my -halfpenn Returns? My returns sw ment’s till; I pay, not receive, rates and taxes | [hope I wish well to +! country, but still revenue. the Govern- It is not my income that waxes. | My os does though! And then I | Statistlolans my “‘ prosperity,” | As one of the whose p RIP man grows. I wish, how I wish, ’twas a verity ! Each quarter with me is far worse than the " em I tradge it and drudge a x ure outruns m 80 o surplus e’er crowneth ee Well, bmg I’m a “patriot,” though I am And'no I must keep up my pecker But if — were less and my takings were "would ¢ vastly improve my Ex uer. I envy both Harcourt and = no When Surpluses swell in this manner ; Whilst I, for abus-fare, must hunt up some riend, And—endeavour to borrow a “ tanner” ! Colourable. . Tar Education Bill in Black and White; 7— That was the hronicle’s capital +h ” Bat — saw that Bill in a “‘ Blue” When that same Bill was “‘ Re(a)d” ! Mem. vor “ MopERarss,”—Improvemen tees sometimes need Committees = PaRapoxicaL, BUT Tack.—All Great Powere have their little weaknesses, after psd Abyssinian New Name For: reverse).—The PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. i h Boh VB aL | 582i; } ia Gigi ‘* Or -TeL. vez O1 WILL WOT CLANE OUT ME OxLL, O1’D LAVE THE JarL FuRRsT!” HER “ BEDSIDE MANNA.” of ee too prone to order the attendance of a trained nurse for the slightest illness. . . Women are complaining of their | banishment “by doctors pen em | of | their friends.” —“ Vera” in Lady's Who dawned on'me, a sick-room din, And shielded me from fret and jar, down with bronchial When down My Narsey ! Whee wee the he Or me And smoothed ne nee with son in ber: Bo captivates rma Fre ett Wotan and tales, with ! ee wings But who is now denounced ke mad making worse a business Aad eine amor py’? Who’s said, when maladies are rife, oo eee Oo Se eo And out oy e? To families that cheapness seek Who seems a s senseless freak Because she covta two pounds per week ? A Nursey ! Gun, of hee peatenn "ll be chanter, ill I’m sure to want her, That costly gh ge pnt — Jeol My N Nursey **Forzton Retations” (wor ¥ Faance’s).— “Cynsins-German” and “ Datch-Uneles,

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| " Lame res See Se ae Se Oe ews Or OS — eee oS LS” lita SS eee Ee — *AUVINENVITEVIND IUVd LSOK ZHL 404 EUV ATOD AXNV ONTIOAD NO SMEIA “SIGH, ‘AUASVEU] ZHI AD aaO'] L94lg AHL 40 SHONVAMOAEEE ONTLUOdS TEL ZLVIOWE OL GHIA NUAT ZAVA SUCKER “NOW ‘SS303UN Y3LSVS SHL JO LINS3IY JAWVHON1dSO [Aram 11, 1896, PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 178

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— Apnit 11, 1896.] PUNCII, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. ExTRACTED FROM THE Drary or Tory, M.P. House of Commons, Tuesday, March 31, 4.50 4.— Jast going home with the milk. Been at it since House met at 3 o'clock yesterday afternoon. kettle began it,” sit ie written in The Cricket on the Hea The kettle in this case represented by a or Matwoop. It was Jemmy Lowrner who suggested the appctiatice. When last night PRINCE moved to a te Tues- day’s si for Education UIRE made terrible onslaught on bim, accusing bim of muddling business of House. “T have no ” said Jemmy, with that magnificently j air that used to awe the court in the famous Jockey vay" arbitra- h partake y of the aie to exist Novem. the kettle and the Pcettle (the Squrre) called the pot bleck ; the pot (PRINCE ARTHUR) retorted with great vigour SquigE was This smart enough while it lasted. Another burst of liveliness when Gzonce Curzon spoke disres pectfally of oe —— zy, Even accused him of repeating his speeches. Told little story how, finding the Car’zw bad on Orders of the day motion calling attention to Treaty engagements with Tarkev, he had turned up Hansard, read the old Salt’s of last year, and, since it was found the task of answering it easy. “Sir,” said the Car’xm, hailing the SPEAKER Vig of ‘sues will me misrepresented, even by a honourable gentleman of the ability and pretensions of him who sits below me.” Beautiful!” cried CawMELL-BayNERMAN, smiling approval. “Tommy is nothing if not nautical. See how, in the House of Commons, he recalls the manner of speech of ~- 2 —— ple’s friend, Chucks the boatswain, who, remember, ‘when he was ost aggravi talked in most frigid} After midnight, ont all ieouh the night, dri ariness protound, Welsh Members to the fore. But they can’t do the thing as the Irish used when JosEPa GIixis was sti!l with re Member for Mid-Cork came back as a bai TanweEr proverbially does, Began several speeches; always stopped by Speaker; finally ordered to resume his seat; obliged to ef but not to be debarred from erying out o! ho!” or “* i ha!” These remarks occasionally varied by sharp cry of ** No!” when someone advanced the affirmative. Kept his eye on the Spzaxer all the time, ready to bolt in case of red. SPSAKER ignened his existence, This unkiadest cut of “Nice state of things we're coming to,” said Ta wer. angrily. *‘SPeakeR won't even suspend yo Shall chuck this up, and cia the County Council.” Business done.—Naval W.rks Bill read | other third time, Tuesday afternoon.—Jouw or Gorst, time- honoured Cambri bonghe in Edu- that cation Bill, Ex del 1 speech was a model of lucidi Nothing 1 ft ue- eaid, and all said ina ew minutes over the our. ech wit ihe alee in argument as it stupid vend ae been when I Gouer, I begin (think ten ith thing it. ‘it, Give Joun his chance, and he’d Ni y dh Mi vi Myit i Wea if ite i ip) : Ht . a uy (deg I q ‘on i) THE POETICAL TEMPERAMENT. ‘*TaRRE WERE AT LEAST A THOUSAND BiaTS ON THE Round PorpD WHEN I WAs HERE In Tax Sommer, Aunty SYLVIA, AND NOW THERE Isn’T Ove /"” * Harpiy a 7Taousanp, Georrreyi” “Ons, weit! ExacesRatine, quirg A THOUSAND, You kyow!” himself what a few have always sesame’ | ta in him—one of the deftest, cleverest Parlia- | cher, he's al of the day. But, somehow or always been shown into a beck | “There will be good deal of scrambling over | Bill on second reading and ia Committee, but | as JoHN or Gorst walked up the floor bring - my tt ums. tart be es a Aw Eavurs Pasapox.—Our poli ion. | Aw _ wal of by ay by A A 2 Twill of gent” i we described as * * a horsey-looking ” it would pe cquasy ene to allade y asa * Mary-look e fomale” ? “RE wos wWERY GOOD TO ME HE wos.”—Prince Fexpinanp of that the Suuran has never wavered to indness, Clearly a case of chéri and ta-ta!” and the Minister for Agriculture went off humming his favourite refrain— ay the cattle home, fields, t ross our fie Bee that with fatal blow His axe the butcher wields. Business done —Adjourn till Thureday the 9th for Exwtr holidays,

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180 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,. JOTTINGS AND TITTLINGS. (By Basoo Huggy Buwesso Jassxnszs, B.A.) No, IX. How he saw the practice of the University Crews, and what he thought of tt. Tae notorious Intercollegian Boat-race of this anno Domini will be obsolete 4 ex post. rd pay publication of the — — y ll T am oni Wass the copite- bleu of old Father Antic the Thames, I was not the actual spectator of the affair, previ- ously contracted to escort Miss Manxietow (whose wishf is uivalent to legislation) to a theatrical matutinal performance which she would in nowise consent to renounce, alleging that she had already seen the Boat-race to the verge of satiety, and that the spectacle was instantaneous and paltry. < However, on acquainting my kind and patronising father, Hon’ble Punch, of my disappointment, he did senvemently peeuent, as a pis aller and blind bargain, a voyage in the steam launchboat of the official coachman of one of the crews so thet I might ascertain how the trick was done. And at 10 4.m, on the day of assignation I presented myrelf at the riparian premises of a certain Boating Society, and, on exbibiting m letter of credit to the Mentor or Cay vheus aforesaid, was receiv a bras ouverts and with an urbane edness. After I had hung fire and cooled my heels on the banks for a while, I was instructed to enter a skiff, which conveyed me and others to a steamship of very meagre dimensions, whereupon, owing to the heel of one of my Japan leather shoes becoming implicated in the wire railing that circumvented the desk, I was embarked in a horizontal attitude, and severely deteriorated the tall chimneypot hat which I had assumed to do credit to the hon’ble periodiost I represented Nota bene, Hatmaker’s bill for renovating same, rs. two-and-a- — those to whom it is of concern will please attend to and refund. On recovery of my head-gear and equanimity, I stationed myself in cluse proximity to the officiating coach for purpose of being on the threshold. of inquiries, and proceeded to pop numerous questions to my neighbours. I ascertained, among other things, that the vessels are ed ‘‘ eights,” owing to their ing nine passengers ; that the ninth is called the “cock,” and is a mere supernumerary or understudent, in case any member of the crew should be overcome by sickishness during the contest and desire to discontinue. It appears that the race is of religious and ceremonious origin, for only ‘‘ good men” are permitted to compete, and none who is a wine drunkard, a gluttonous, or addicted to any form of tobacco, More- over, they are to observe a strict fast and abstinence for many weeks previous to the ordeal. The most prominent ecclesiastics and Judges of the Sapreme Court mplee os f epee from this class of indivi- ae the sanctimoniousness attached to e com Consequently I was the more surprised at the al super- ciliousness of their Fidus Achates or dry nurse, stretching himself his stomach in the prow, did shout counsels of per- fection at his receding pupile. Such criticisms as I overheard seemed to me of a very ile and pine description, and some of an when a certain oarman was taunted with being were capable of adding the cubic inch to his stature !

priety, being greatly shocked a oe the levity with

[Apr 11, 1896, were attired, and entreating them to their buttons well | el eg grt pete Beers Ps fea Seda be him tint yo uire the time after stoppage, I a was's - how I would have given one’s corn, appealing to them to stand up for their rights, and to compete except for the honorarium of a quid sre quite But the official instructor, seeing me about to clim agen Ho pe to deliver my oration, entreated me with so that I became imm aphonous. |

M.P. EMPTY, OR WHAT IT MAY COME TO, (A Hint from the Bench at the service of Possible Candidates for Parliament, to bs used in the Future.) (‘ The expense of this inquiry is really most burdensome. A contested election is nothing to the expense of an inquiry like this.”—Mr, Baron Pollock, March, 1896.} ha of joy others.’ People's Legislaten, He Pla Reagan eae a 's ° was isti a e. in ¢ fow mements he made it clear that the object of ‘his it was to cast a over the happy dream of the hon. gentleman he was

; Fo

Page 15

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