Punch 1896-01-25: Vol 110 Iss 2846

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noluding Postage. i658. Od ‘PUNCH’ HALF-YEARLY Volume, COMPLETE SETS. July to December, 1895, gilt edges. Price 8s. 6¢. | HALF-YEARLY Volumes(109), 88, 6d. each, VOLUMES | YEARLY Volume for 1895,| YEARLY Volumes (66), £52 2s. 64. bound in blue cloth, gilt edges. Price 17s. DOUBLE-YEARLY Volumes (27), £28 2s. PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. . Fas ye Registered 2t the General Post Office as a Newspaper. igh AUDfiftytstaitins PRICE THREE PENCE. on " Ere ., MULL) hl = Mes = a - 2 i) ii . by) | | f . ( Hi \ , M ‘ nT . > loan Hi. se ) at j I h: Mh Sia ] . ‘sa 5 ve. : 4 4, 7 ae cay © PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, LONDON. CADBURY. .Gesares ABSOLUTELY PURE TuererorE BEST. NO CHEMICALS USED, GZ” NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings. or Pictures of any description. will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL — JANUARY 25, 1896. me SWAN FOUNTAIN PEN. d in three ai 1016, 16/6, « 25) me “LADY HENRY SOMERSET has much pleasure in stating that, after trying many pens by various makers, she has found none so thoroughly satixfactory asthe SWAN FOUNTAIN PEN of Mesrs. Masre, Toon, axp Banp This pen is in- Retuced hac sumite valuable to her, and she has found that its use greatly facilitates her work. Signed “ ISABEL SOMERSET.” We only require your ateel pen and handwriting to select a suitable pen. Comple =e rated Calta rete, MABIE, ‘Toop, & BARD, 03, Cheapside, E.C.; or, 05a, Regent Street, W. . DNAIAINIA _The Latest Camera for Glass Plates. Can be changed into Film Camera by the substitution of Roll Holder for Double Dark Slides. Weighs only 2 tb. ADVANTAGES: Lightness, Compactness, Portability, | First-Class Workmanship, Base and Rapidity of Manipulation. Prices from £3 38. to £4 10s. strated Price List. EASTMAN Photographic Materials Co. 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January 25, 1896.) 87 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL iy andles, a cart, and a rockin’-’urse, swellin’ like six with good- Give me the gents for good fares and a tip or so, Lydies—lord Jove ’em !— sweet, sour, young or old, though silver was gold. Go mostly “ according to to CockER” with cabbies. They ’andle their purse as And copper oe silver, Their neat-kidded fingers, though tiny and trim, Meng no '’ PTS ’em reckons ’er bundles kerrect, or is moved to give bby “=. not Le pad Bless yer, the beauties just beat Mister Man at that smile, See t mall fst twisted round a port. port-money, a pele d yl Bes, ps, as look e for a aap sharp upon ** That’s your right fare, Ca Bcissors! Natorackers ant in tin for Se with she-jaws. ~ hee good against females as fists against granite, The wort the the gent they will ply the liquor so! Don’t mind a sie aay (And some of the toffs must buy tuppenny duffers, or be by ede hee on f-4 But Se ee will tell on the toughest ; 1 ot oe sach a mix From Port to Old Tom, as you get at this season !—it puts sober coves in abit of To take ’alf the neat New Year nips out in tuppences, that would suit Cabbies, and likewise their wives. strives, London, you see’s a "ard place to keep sober in, special at t Christmas, ’owever one _— form o = convivialness known as “ treating,” to cabbies and others is just a Lote will atend you free drinks all the evening, and yet if you're broke fora Rum J ana feels And there's ial | i i ie. THE MODESTY OF GENIUS. Country Vicur (much impressed by his new acquaintance), ‘PRAY TSLL ME, Mr, Wisrk, OF ALL THE GREAT Ports, ANCIENT AND MopERY, WHICH DO YOU REVERE AND AD- MIRE THE MOST?” fos young Poet (the third that has appeared this week), ‘*Myseir CABBY; OR, REMINISCENCES OF THE RANK AND THE ROAD. (By “' Hansom Jack.) No, XIII.—Curistmas Horrpays on THE Roap—Lapies AND GENTLEMEN—Tips AND Nirs—Torry Tinpats Tate—Morar FoR MuNIFICENCE, “"Ocrmays? Fadge!” grumbles old Bitty Bocer, wropped up like a turtle, and toasting ’is back . At our bit of a fire, Christmas Day in the morning. ‘* Wot’s ’olidays mean to a ’usky old ’ack A stiff ’un like me, without ne’er a old stockin’ for old Santa Wot’s it to fill full o’ toys ? ’Olidays? Gammon! They don’t mean not nuffin’, ’eept perks t» the toppers and larks to the toys.” Bilious old BILLy is sour but notsilly. ’E stretches a bit, but there’s truth in ’is talk. Wot is Merry Christmas to Brxx’s eae extggted gal, with a cough like a — and a face like yr pen penwipers and pincushions, grinding ho spends the great day A nate few bob os mashed with t stopping ? To drop it, nd wolfing ’er sssige an on ‘0 i to ’er, would be no mighty lee Neverthel while you ’re tad ht, and ’ealthy, the crush of the’ ‘oliday-makere al tines eanaetics 0 * ~~ you ’re nailed to your box, makes the world a bit warmer. here ’s that in the scuffle and buzzy-wuz Ofa i ayy of a Peni a flocking together, for ’olidays, shoppin’, a soucan you + ™ lonesome, though you may be out of it. Carn’t quite say why. P’r’aps some gent will inquire. So I Le one ire, ate of old Bruty, who calls it all bunga- Ler, "the rum. Pre bo See ’as at thic season! Full from the floor to the cab-roof, plum-chock, died But coulds't I rellah a erack with you now, Sans as they made ’em, -_ ’earty and gamesome, a swell—for those days before ORDER — Except in the 7 ! ary fash that with liquor too much, and poor Torry pp wcengr toda man friendship! It often sticks close to mere self as its shadder. My can raphe think For Of a * ‘tadd Tore good 1 ” whose sole notion of ’elping a stoney-broke chum is to— 44 a booze-mate, that’s all, for a lot of big laps don't like {a eart likea stone. 8 many & swaggertome treater-all-round who, away from the bar, ’as So gents, remember when dealing with Cabby, and Bobby, andothers at’oliday time. y} Free standing of drinks isn’t always a kindness, is sometimes a Wish you ’ud known Torry Tixpat! Ah, Torry, old pal, it is many long years frequent most selfish, and {at my side ? or a rattle up west, lad, with you Fought i, re did, wi with you bet wife aiding, and me,—well, Z didn't "Appy ,* a koe days! We was young, ’earty, ’opefal; oe, de olidays then eT think ot ’em yet, Reena that Christmas when Torry’s young mitsus ’ad brought ’im present,—’e called it a doll. Along of it its yellow-topped flufiaess, Torr was as proud as two nehes, and so was ’is Pott. As luck would ’ave it the night afore Christmas we drove, Torr and me did, a couple o’ fares Both going out Balham way. Lor! ’ow we chatted and laughed as —quite friendly—we raced our two mares. Tors ont Go bend, and turned off at a corner. I’eard’im a shouting or a And the click of ’is mare’s epeatess tock: Gonegh Gp Seetiows, I aa ee Satom With friendship. d good thoughts of the morrow at Torr’s with ‘is * and ‘is Pots. and "is pipe mea yr ~~~ * old gent just ‘‘ treated” ’im—Christmassy | Ah! and the drink got poor Torr in its gripe. Ramped hat aoge and - —" ghana It broke ’im, the pain and disg pty x All Ried to hor in aol ‘a ae no, it - on to Torr’s ’eart, Ln ’e —_ a ’e =. ‘oni Gentlemen all, *Elpless, and = a drink- sodden That came of too tenet Che Ghrismasey © rating.” And now, p'r'aps, you ’ll go and just keep up the Nevertheless, notwithstanding, for all that, at any rate, anyhow, Christmas ain’t folly, Despite bilious Billy; and most people love it, and will do, whilst jolly keeps rhyming with holly. Laughter’s contagious, and tips do come andy, and Cabby’s as fond as is fares of cheer But “ nips” T says give their . in cash, gents, and Cabby and VOL. ox, will wish you &"Appy New Year

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$8. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI [January 25, 1896. | = (i = dW, - =>, oe 2 ® bd AR 3 tf = ci SS OBE > ‘ Hy Hy YH = = Se ry, SS ci >a e- =e MM z SS % ly »- MG = ie ne Mm Zeal al : ae oo SS \\\» ZN Da” ae hea NM ——— eae, iy Young Cubs. ‘‘ WELu DoONF, British Lion, “‘Tuanx you, c >) a 4 ? SF Se eo -ac¢aeowe eae “sped — ee. oF >. a ain

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January 25, 1896.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. “THE GARDEN THAT I LOVE.” (New Version.) Tue other morning I was diggin tulips, and to think of a rhyme to Clematis ke dckamet— !1—when V gxonica ——_ me ° large letter. Glancing at the velope, I thot 6 camp foam the Lesl Ghamberia —_—S I a joel te hop and, looking at bs. or ve my tulips, a my Gaillardia grandiflora, Helenium Fn nag ie gium amethystinum, and Centaurea macrocephaay to go indoors and write. It was a ‘ect afternoon, a the end of May, and I should have preferred to stay ~ the ay 41 love, and think of some unofticial verses to my first Gloire de Dijon rose. Alas! “ Autre nee, autres vers.” It is all Official Odes now. I only “the Post” was pot e fiction, and then T could tura som on to the Lord Chamberlain’s work. As I sauntered sadly to the house, I met Lam1a. Phen OT anemened, spe sho steel, Latin, answered, speaking er in as I usually do, which sometimes a: odd, since she | pan not understand a word, * Kheu,non ego! Nunc | er scribo, Non est omne beerus et skittles,” “ne Ancther ofa, Lonppene. You don’t seem very cheerful since ‘ou became Laureate,” no!” I murmured, “I can say with Dante, * Lasciate ogn ogni speranza, voi, ch’entrate!’ I get no me for gardening now. 1 de Ode, Come and take a walk in the orchard, and do try to speak English.” It was a great temptation—I mean the walk. The weather was perfect; my flowers were delightful; my | companion was more 80. ** Ah, Lamia,” I exclaimed; “‘ I use so much English in the official es, that talking Latin is a relief. I fear | I have no time. *Tempt not a > man.” vou) 19 SR we & ey Oe hme ee pa of te! I re say e spoke “disreepecttully | Lord Chamberlain. At times she is frivolous, She said ‘Rethes him!” “* Forgive me,” I ventured to remark, “if I deprecate such language in reference to my offi superior. He only does his duty. I wish it was not so irksome to me to do mine. Once " eould enjoy ottum cum Antes, and now it is all dignitas with no otium whatever. ieee | to hate poetry.’ * Yes, but this ode. can wait,” she said; “‘ you —_ come for a walk now.’ ** Dear Lamia,” I adiatiant. ** odi et amo” —— ” a. can what that means,” she interrupted ; “‘ odes | = Not xactly,” I said, “I a teach you the verb amo. is a very one, Let us begin now, as we walk in hee At that moment Veronica brought me ’ from the Lord Cham as usual. It said ” send immediately poem this morning.” There was no help for it Ts Laura walked alone. She herself once said ** Love isa literary invention.” On this occa-| Street Serio (singing), ‘‘'Ex—YEW WILL THINK HOV ME AND LOVE ME HAS IN sion, at least, literary invention was not love. DIES HOV LONG AG0-0-0 |” GOOD OLD DUTCH! ater oie _ knowed each other now for | politan, whose patriotiem is, perhaps, none the | But as we’re bound to live in the same land, A pleasure, WOMAN. opus, a disturber, a nurse, (4 Song a la Chevalier, by a Cockney Cosmo- And each eld ether axed too much, | ned Fair woman was made to bewitch.” — | — ag suiting oon Victoria's | 1 ets shake ’ands on it, Gocd Old Duteh ! (“The peace of Scuth Africa and the har- That Trans- on onl A tlave o a tyrant curse ; Fair woman rant « blessing or o monious co-operation of the British and Dutch Ain’t no bap ton races, which is necessary for its future develop- 7 Ayeupasees - > inquiring ment and prosperity.”"— Her Majesty's Message to President Kriiger.) ": -_ Arrn—' My Old Dutch,” PresipeEnt, old pal, ’Ere’s to yer! Some may doubt yer, | Boss of that Trans-va-al, Chorus, —We' S ve gt to © ave as neighbours, | ‘tacks, la Bat 7 likes some things about yer | pr. It’s many years since fust we met. Bat lor! * We may be ’appy yet,” Spite that real ( “ Outlander,” News last Saturday y weal! ? Isit always t fall on ably ie the Mon- so forth, as ifr | pewrvers, | among — we showed fits a mite too much Pe — Butin instance We've and scrapped a bit—you bet! Let Boers and B rimoonedy ’and in ’and, it would have been more had he an ers corrects bad bs Pipes my old gal. Good Old Duteh ! awn i sane Rother Us-Sousen.”

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40 PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Jawvary 25, 1896. | MEEK MIKE AND HIS ARCH ANGEL. Novice — During the run of the Reverend Exry Havrnor Jonzs’s ecclesiastical drama, * Orders” will be admitted if proved as having been regularly and canonically conferred. Beadles-tn- waiting to eject any brawler. Tux cumbersome title,! Michael and his Lost Angel, sugg’s‘s an Memorial window in the Reverend Michael's church. irreverent muddle-headedness, as though Exry Havinor Jowss| church, had, with his goose-quill, aimed at a pun flying, and cleverly missed it. Was it the result of a Michaelmas-day feast? Did the author and manager-actor dine together on goose day, and did the latter take in with a relish all the a by the artful dramatist? The production of such a play as must surely be the result of and I remember some such case being mL I * Bishop’ would have had a word to say to of Michael, having compelled this modern . Y. —- ef, Jaws SHore in the person of presumabl as a widow; " rendered = i ABIoN TeREY. In fact, throughout, the “yn > excellent; that of Mr. W. MacxrntosH as the tit-for-tatting father t of the doubly victimised girl being y 500 ars i clerical lamb,— The gay y pursues daine she-wolf determined to u ca to a desert island, most di t of access and only visited occa- sionally by excursion steamers, where the reverend a order to devote himself more entirely to his work at home, has built himself a house containing two ooey hashes rooms, of which is the i half the d of the Lyceum stage; and in this enuegery of Little Michae l-Alone suddenly Boy Mrs, Audrie Lesden, There is no boat to her away: steamers have gone. They are alone together on the island. They are in the situat Reverend Robert Penfold in Reape and Bovucicavt’s novel, Foul Play : in the situation, not for weeks or months, but “for one night only.” There are two separate rooms; and even if there were not, the Reverend Michael could have said to himself, ** Outside, Sir, outside,” and vi y, in accordance with saintly precedents, — have — = till daylight did " — Fa with excellent anteceden' an irreproachable repu favour, he had only to return, tell his simple , fetch the lad back, and be believed by all his ishioners. — And it is at this point that I recalled the as the Reverend Robert S g (who “* didn’t like London”), and wished that Ae could have been seen b a delighted public in the awkward predicament of Mr. JonEs's Curate, when (to quote the title of an old farce with a motive similar to that of the situation in this 0 Reverend Mi the Reverend Michael, in a cope, is Reverence evinces no sort of surprise when|the Py forward, — public confession of his sin, throws off his cope (why ** cope ” which is only itted in state cere- monies to the pel?), and stalks out of ing the Right Davseand some weird compact made between Forbes Robertson-Faust and | MAN’ Jones-Mephistopheles? Is it a strange case of hypnotism? I Trilby- Robertson under the magpetic influence of Seengalt- Tents $ Only on some such hypothesis is it possible to account for the ac- ceptance and production of so poor a playas this. Undramatic in its lack of action and situation and its sketchiness of character : uninteresting in its ae i and measured abili he devised a plot of Harlequin and his Lost ¢, founded on the Pagliacci, there would have been a great chance for genuine pathos; but could Ewny Havrnor eyo Oo ror _ e te es the ter of a humble de dent of his do public py a tt a. wrong” privately. y Havrnor says he bas authority for this; vice as if out- {4a of Go- were bet Be od nonsensical when | had Beet and tat kt: Hevea ees an eho sn ¢ , et: veren or ev + i mpm Age for a “ last buss to the Angel.” his hay monk, at Msjanoin Italy, and hither, comes Audrie Lesden, widow, and i Her manner of death in her reverend lover’s armssome- what resembles that of Frou-Frou. Her highly conscientious and —

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January 25, 1896.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, 41 ‘eeptionally religious Siswe thie pe in ,” although bis unele, one is within call, and quite — for the office, “Take me will become a convert to the ancient faith of his fathers— and of his uncle. But why not join the company of the faithful in Wellington Street, become an “‘ Irvingite” ? That Mr. Forpes Ropes son is as good as he can be, and far better than the part, goes without say- ing; but he arrived at pro- ducing this play will, it is proba- ble, remain a mystery until he favours the world with his remi- niscences, THe OrneR Jones, TO KATE, Ir you think me shallow, Karr, I myself must vindicate. All to you I'll allocate ; We form a syndicate. Do not then prevaricate, If to wed you’re ready, Katz; You I wish to marry, Kare, And my life to dedicate, Wuicn accounts ror 1r!—A * di inted contributor’ said that his editor was ‘‘ subject to fits of r« jection.” Tre Hieuest Rutine PowER in U, 8. Amwentca,— ** Precedent Musnox.” THE LAST DAY OF THE MISTLETOE. ADOLPHUS AND DOLLY CONFIDE TO EACH OTHER THEIR OPINION AS To ‘Tue Aes or Lovr.” RATTLIN’, ROARIN’ WILLIE. (New Version, Communicated from the ay ty go gen Robbie Burns.) - O, RaTriin’, roarin’ WILLIE, Do —_ on your hair | Ay ne wt — sd are your ma’s care, Ye'’re fein to play first fiddle, Where ver you mer be: Bat rattlin’, roarin’ WIxik, That ’s simply fiddlededee ! O Wr1ik, lay down your fiddle, 0 your sae fine! else reserve For watches by the Rhine ! Unless you drop that fiddle The warl’ may deem ye mad, For mony a rantin’ day, Wictik, Your fiddle and you hae had! Aman 0 rattliv’, cou? Wass Your welcome was fair an’ fice! O rattlin’, roarin’ Wixtre, Is your return as fair ? 0 drop that noisy fiddle, An’ buy some other ware! But put by that first fiddle In Unele’s companie And rattlin’, —— ~y Wir, Right welcome still ye ’ll be! Alas! Sux was a cruel, heartle«s lass, motor su coulk To all Ge aaee kind. ™ A REVIEW OF LITERARY FORCES. _At the commencement of the year the Baron, having ordered out his emt > | Forces and revi | his noble shelves, issues this General Order:—‘*I am struck with admiration for the tof what I may term the utility business in the publishing, not only of novele, but of all kinds of valuable |iterature. 1 have passed in review a splendid force of the ‘Charles Kingsley’s Own,’ organised and commanded General MacmiLian ; while under General Waxp, Colonel Lock, and other distinguished officers ars a regiment, not the less valuable cause showy, of ‘ ean Kin sley’s Light Horse.’ * True Blues, or Charlotte Yonge wets, mee a fine display in the service of the MacmI~Law Company. * William Black Watch’ march past with a breezy step to the tune of ‘ Far Lochaber,’ and wearing their Three Feathers, with One White One. They are mar- stalled in order by Lieut.-Co), Simpson Low, who —— leads that fine body of Horse Marin s, the ‘ Clark Russell Rovers.’ But of all the regiments of volumes mst serviceable for campaigning com- mend me,” quoth the Bar **to the Picked ‘ Pocket Volume Regiments.’ ey form a small, compact army in themselves, excel- lently officered, ready for outpost, skirmishing, ¢ an any handy duties which heavier-weighted volumes could not perform. At tke peed, is deep red, with e light blu en bookmarkers for colours, proudly the motto * Non Sans Droict, comes the‘ TempleShakepeare t’ ; perfect type; excellent notes ; — travel anywhere ; ears handy road, river, or rail, never in way, brag hg Ay eld «f prac- tical itinerary study by Colonel Dent of Hi with invalu- able texted from the Cantabrigian of Messrs. MacmItian and Atpis Wrient, Let the attention cf all who love their SpaxsPzaRr handy, and who are contented to travel about with cae play ob 0 Gna, tune Bees attention te Oils sitet social shes. - march slong, in a long line, the ‘ Dark Blue Gu or * Literary Household Brigade,’ started by Cassett & Co., a gallant —— admits volunteers from all regions of Jiterature into its ranks. so that their range of is world-wide, co-extensive with British Rule, and therefore well bear the title of ‘The Windsor Cassell Series.’ These also are argumenta ad pocketa, and d| Butteresses ornamentation on their backs, and | ad within an eighth of an inch as etable as the Shakspearian Regi- ment aforeseid. And what ope are to be fourd on these regi- mental lists? Macautay, Dickens, Sitvio Petiico, La Morte eah ee Piotr Boccaccio, Wasnineton Invine, Manco Poto Frawxiiy, Swirr, with Bunyan ( h to make Swirt Xzwornon, and Bacon (a real literary asa treat 4 a picture for you!’ ; three- course, directions how to play it), Streetz, and Appisow. ee aks Mor (Sir Tx ), and see that et it. * Ww ‘or MorE oMASs), and see you And the sixpence =r cloth ; usual discount for cash, means o3 in paper; which, with The thirty volomes for half a sov ; and of such a whole sovereign g over Utopia at the command Sane See 0s Lae ay cite, et oe el are salu tarn most heartily by aes F. M. tae Baron,” Arce xoLocicaL Mem.—Great discoveries are coming to Tat as regards the of the Rolls. No doubt the Buttresses will soon be found. Its architectural construction would have been imperfect without these, which would have constituted it The kh and every sateh spolieant in, Wet ane yy Yang to un n Wagge's An istory vertised as ** Jest out,”’ it is recorded how there was ‘‘ one Chap ill of the Hot Rolls and Butteresses; and how after a ‘full dole’ he became ‘ dole-fal.’” Caance or a Novetty sot To s& Lost.—From a recent number of the Manchester Guardian we extract this ee RE You Giving a Party ’—Gen accomplished musician un- A exceptionable yeloencen, rants ttote to professional ly attend Evening Parties or Entertainments, to accompany roup, play dance music or solos, sing refined humorous songs 4 la Grossmith, &c,—A , ke. “An accom plished musician” to “‘ acoompany soup” ! There’s a treat! What’sthe tane? What’s the ent Tirty vor Tax CoLoniAL SecRBIARY WHEN RAISED TO THE Preracr,—" Lord Joz-Hannzssure.”

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a LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP.

er ' 1 H,\ vit ii 1 ) WANs » * ‘t nh) i) ) Say * citi | | see hh Scan A 4 cee ais Ht Yih is hy | Gili Fair (and immensely successful) Novelist, ‘‘ AND NOW THAT YoU ’vE BOUGHT MY NEW Novel, Mr. BrRavALL, AND WE ’VE SIGNED THE AGREEMENT, MAY I AsK IF IT'S TRUE THAT YOU DONT ALLOW YOUR WIFE AND DAUGHTERS TO READ My Books! I was TOLD £0 LAST NIGHT,’ Eminent Publisher. ‘‘A-—Aa—A—MY DEAR Younc LADY—A—YOUR ADMIRABLY EXPRESSED BUT EXTREMELY ADVANCED. VIEWS CN THE THOUGH MARRIED, AR STILL YOUNG, —A-—I THISK THAT < Fair Novelist. *‘ You'Re Quits nicat, J UNDERSTAND, AND AM VERY SORRY AND ASHAMED | A—THE Sex QUESTION, DON’ YOU KNOW—A—RENDER IT SOMEWHAT INEXPEDIENT FOR ME TO—a—1TO—A—— My DAvGuHTERs, My WIPE Is NO LONGER SO—A—BUT ALTOGETHER, AS THE FatTuer oF A FAMILY, YOU KNOW Bur I CAN ASSURE YOU THERE 'S wot a Linz in THE Book You 'V& JUST BOUGHT THAT MIGHTN’T BE RFAD BY A GIRL OF Firrezsy!” [Hearing this, Eminent Publisher pulls such a long face that we've been obliged to twrn his head the other way.

A JOURNALISTIC JUBILEE. [On the 2let inst. the Daily News completed its fiftieth year, celebrating the occasion of this anniversary by the issue of an extremely interest- ing Jubilee Number. } ** LipepaL Progress throughout the world!” Fine theme for a fifty years’ re verily | Dickens the Daily News flag first unfurled, To-day, under Kostnsoy, floating right merrily, Long may itwave! Bright spirits and brave, S:nee genial *‘ Boz,” have fought under Green hang the laurels o'er many a grave Of friends who have fallen. In time- honoured manner To all such loved memories silently drink, But brim a brisk cup, with a cheer, to the living ! (brink Punch fills his own beaker to bubble-crowned His toast of “* Long Life to the Daily News!” giving. He, too, had his Jubilee,—not long ago,— And knows the mixed feelings, triumphant and tender, Of those who look back, with a choke and a glow. O'er all that a fifty years’ service can render To Freedom and P by wiedom or wit ; For liberal souls good sense with gay laughter ; ’ nd follies by e hit, Sometimes, by | A that uence missed are hard e shaft of keen mirth flies r. To wield blade and bauble is given to some, known to both of As proven by pens our Political nous has no need to look glam, And motley may sometimes be stooped to by sages. From Dickens to Lucy, my dear Daily News, Your Hy of this furnish witness use Punch drinks to your Jubilee now! May his Have as pleasant a theme when you touch the Centennial !

Qurny.—A livery-stable keeper advertises: ** During the summer months the Coachmen wear Boots and prea gone - shilling extra is charged.” Highly respe able, pA is also the charge. But are not these more necessary in winter? If i 4 wear boots and breeches in summer only, what do they do without them in winter ? AN ECHO, H1s Ideal (as she dismisses him). ‘‘No! Go!” He (as he reaches the door). ** No Go!” Strut to Be Asxep,—About Dr. Jr's march we know something, but not all. We

can trace his eral line of country, but how about the Rhodes? ™ i ‘THE LAW AND THE LAUNDRY. | [“I should not be ashamed of being called a laundress’s son, if it were true, as I have known very many laundresses in my time.”"—Lord Esher.] The useful laundress much ’twould grieve If shirts were in arrears ; While snits entire our Judges leave To be ** hung up” for years. TA ad recat a oe: were it no . Prefer the “ getting up” of ouffs To getting up a case? But—this remark the Bench can quash Should it be judged as sland’ry,— If there’s one thing that ** will not wash,” Tis pride based on the laundry.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Jancarr 25, 1896. Fj 2 New MA jy \ Nw ayy ele" a Nae SS , wk = ~ NO sS~) a ae W 2 “RAPPROCHEMENT.” Joun Butt (aside). ‘“‘ SHE’S RATHER AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN!” Mapame ta Répvsriqve (aside), ‘‘ TIENS! APRES TOUT, IL N’EST PAS SI MAL!” ‘* We are on excellent terms with the French, and greatly appreciate the value of their rezard.”—TZimes, January 16. “It will be noticed that some of the French papers protest tha: there is no rapprochement. Possioly rapprochement does not in Paris bear the meaning it conveys to us in London, But when two Powers which have bickered . . . suddenly discover that these differences are quite capable of adjustment . . . the substantial reality of the facts is so unmistakable that we do not care to quibble about words,” Westminster Gazette, January 18.

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January 25, 1896.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE NEW PHOTOGRAPHIC DISCOVERY. THANES TO THE DISCOVERY OF PeorFFssoR RONTGEN, THE GERMAN EMPEROR WILL NOW OF UNSUSPECIED SIZ& AND BE ABLE TO OBTAIN AN EXACT PsotocRaPH oF Aa ‘' BACKBONE” STREX OTE ! =

= THE NEW PHOTOGRAPHY. aaa ree of Wiirzburg, has dis- | vered raph through a reon’s body, giving a picture only of the bones.] O, Réwrerw, then the news is true, "And not a trick of idle ramoar, That bide us each temane of Fou, And of your grits end Qravegerd humour, We do not want, like Dr. Swirr, To take our flesh off and to pose in Our nn or chow each Httle cit And joint for you to pcke your nose in. We onl: to contemplate yeah athens + arualfall-dreag photo our woree jet wtmnal The te Sole oe ees T te on ths wth Yeuruiog 8 ~¢ agen sw y ey , No, keep them for your epite ‘These tom mf 3 ha a ° ee ete and Airs, B-s-nt ! The Cry of a Hungry Biped. (“On New Year's Day a number of ladics and itlemen went to Acton, where the horses and eys at the Home of Rest where regaled with a dinner of carrots, bread, apples, and sugar.”} For four-legg’d beasts there’s lots of stuff, But not for this barbarian. Oh! would that I were ass enough, To be a Vegetarian.

“Iwqurrer” wishes to know if the "— song of the troops under the command of Jameson is “* Jimmy on the ‘ shoot,’ Boys!”

XONDENSED CONFIDENCE. (A Let'er for Ladies,) My pear Ernetinpa,—We have been pits gay this week. Aunt JEMIMA gave a Cinderella on <nenett S a oe friends assembled in great force. There were some novel and becoming dresses. 1 especially noticed a sweet in yellow and oa — the harmony skirt being caught up — Sontien a of real wearer was a y' Academy the year, rather too of Marie wore Spanish costume of hed inten velvet, the poy Gite empire sactniy em the| 2 terminating with a sharp grand mona right side with a fem of yo 4 ds orget-me- nt On W: y Eamynrrvupe and I went to Lad ’s ball. A Rassian Princess created quite a sensation by in a black satin cos , embroidered in gold, and ornamented with malachite chains. I confess that the arrangement seemed to me somewhat outré, and not to be compared to the Dachess of BricmTon’s creation of peat-coloured Patagonian tulle cut a la belle Margot, with revers la caibens ‘seenthe et vette = en cascade of Honiton lace and carnations. On Thursday Uncle Noxt took us to the New G where I came across two very ori al toques, one being formed of the skin of a Tweed salmon with scales perfectly oe

Cusncay saked apa to got him © sift oo well ibe vert /Gas); working SENS see day on 6 stesvetion ante so we went to Rortick anp Rasper’s, wane, after giving a great deal of trouble to the very gentlemanlite young men who selected a useful article—an as, ve a handle fale, inten all in mare dusting. hty E. Nobi. blige. more . says, ** esse © Last night ta a box at the ay ae Fa and ‘thought that Mr, Tzxri im his kilt, was very like his daughter wo ey © | photograph you asa Cn ogo ay a+ t help «| lapntng our hands At the patroio speeches aah 10 how how the though, to be =, the ie is all about Has, me mie fo ee Ruger te patrie, are los gost eee or yay Sey uke halt a qn a eres, 8 pot a pot of caviare, ont the — Then two picked waa ~~ nutmegs. Meantime stew a ianamon, tw —— and a is sseroles together serve headl on treatha, You will find this an fe all hope that this dreadful I Geagseument with @e) ppryees not ent our to Hom year, ais Dieu dispose ! or Ever, = Your lo Cousin, ADJ,

A Birthday Card. To William I1., German Emperor, King of Prussia; born, January 27, 1859.

ALL hail to thee, great Kelese Kiag'! Awa hapa Ye pot poke 1h erohie wing, Inorrontuxe Pustication.—Sir.—I see an advertisement of “Bunk and Lay gh end’ Dictionary of the B a oan guage. “Barely never at any time, least should there be ee ee, secakudary tay such weed. os “Fank” ? ours, Juneo pg Jinao,

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46 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ON THE RIVIERA. She, ‘'l WONDER WHAT MAKES THE MEDITERRANEAN 100K 80 BLUE?” He, “You ’’p Loox BLUE IF YOU HAD TO WASH TSE SsoRrEs oF Iraty!” (By a Patriotic Cockney.) wave Than [ do on the firm dry I can spin you a yarn of a That is — own With the Union Jack at the fore. Fair weather or foul, she ploughs along, Leaving far astern the strand And many \\ towering sister bark on the starboard hand, Ani estward ho! as we bear away, I can count stout ships galore, Abeam, in our wake, and ahead, that fly The Union Jack at the fore, Taoven I feel less at home on the bounding The yd may blow, and the storms may | And the hurricanes rage and roar A LAY OF THE UNION JACK. | 434 the teh of the fag thet has swept the Nor ever has known disgrace, Makes even a landlubber’s bosom swell With the pride of his English race. At that gallant sight in my landsman’s heart land, | I rej mat apn op ht good oraft | 7yat't"m only aboard of « road-ear "bus, With the | Vain Teak at the fore! Bat ‘ee ship I love” on be @ courre will my: L’Eurzazva.—It is « bopefal sign | to the vacant Taxing Mastership.” He will be any- ‘ine bt « € ea : is ve | More ; so the castle |tooted bythe Moos “Mar the new Tating OTE. new ioe on overtax is ae ‘ote it ti [Jawuary 25, 1896, = DICKENS UP TO DATE; * Be bre ala that shone like the Altar of Nétre Dame des Victoires, Helen was seated in a little dressing-gown of black and helio- trope. Thecotffeur was caring for her scented chevelure, and with tiny silver — age 2 Srom the rpm | y beg ean igh intelligent curls, t as as a breath about her forehead and over eyebrows, and clustered like tendrils ta her neck, Her three om > girls, Pappe- y mas as age gy Rig a Lareyets waited mmediately upon : contr in delicate flac ~ F sean casso- e lettes, and held ocelot jars the ravishing paints prepared id Chateline for those cheeks ond lips that had grown a little with anguish of exile... . Millamant held a slight tray o slippers, | ‘Minette some tender gloves, if opelanicre— mistress of the robes—was with a ran of om 4 and yellow, La pom inella jewels, Florizel some flowers, Amadour a box 1a various pins, and Vadius a box of sweets. . “** Cosmé,’ said Helen, — sweet and pep geuren to-night,’ mee dame flatters me,’ replied the antique old thing, with a girlish giggle under his black +a Helen shippedaway thed ” shipped away the dressing- gown before the mirror ina flutter of frilied things, and called Millamant to bring her the slippers. “* The tray was pant with the most = quisite and shapely —- make Cluny a place ed make’ here oe oe grey and black and brown suéde, of and rose satin, and velvet and pe, there were some of seagreen sewn with cherry blossoms, some of red with willow winged br and some of rr ho win There were heels of silver, o , and of lt; there were (coe beautiful that the buttonholes might have no pleasure tili they closed wu them ; there were soles of delicate leathers scented with maréchale, and linings of soft stuffs scented By have been t, you have sur- with the juice of J q ~_ Helen, roe of » Law her mind, led for a discarded pair of blood-red prdorme dia- pered with poor looked very dis- These hed orer ny Se white silk stockings. ** Meantime, La Popeliniére stepped for- ward with the "frock. “** T shan’t wear one to-night,’ said Helen, Then she slipped on her gloves.” “Oh, charming!” interrupted Kare’s patroness, who was sometimes taken literary. Poetic, —., Read that description again, ‘Ss eaeed | ” said Mrs, WITrTTERLY, wens sigh. ‘* So voluptuous, is it not? So t ” Ten) I ‘ee it is,” replied Kate, gently; “ve fe the book, Miss Nicxtesy,” said Mrs. hae a ge *T can hear more to-day. I should be noe to he impression | of that sweet de cerigtion. the book. Kate ied, not un Me XXVIIL tcholas Wahlen (mutatis mutandis (coe ee-g

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January 25, 1896. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 47 rib) | 4| 2 / (Hy Ni! ! ,/ Ve LG Ga + 4 beer | Pavy, - THINGSY’“ARE NOT ALWAYS. WHAT THEY SEEM. His Honowr, ‘‘H’u! With you KINDLY RAIsE youR Vem. I FIND IT EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO—H’M—HEAR AY/YONE DISTINOILY WITH THOSE THICK VEILs——” ‘Exn—ze—raanx you! SILENCE! I with nor Have THIS Covar TURNED INTO A PLACE oF AMUSEMENT!” = ROUNDABOUT READINGS. SrearnepD RELATIONS IN THE KENNEL, beginning to experience 5 el educating my dogs up to the in others may take warning ere it is too late, I propose to set a brief history of what has happened during the past week the highly-intelligent dogs who have kindly agreed to share my humble dwelling, and to leave for my use one or two of uncomfortable chairs to be found in it. I need scarcely sa sofas and armchairs have long ago been recognised as the property of the dogs. expression than is afforded by barking, tail- ot a dest, Ghequaed us theme mane sound es na some of the uncomfortable results Spectator standard, and, i Bs Hite § Or course, body knows that if dogs are only allowed to long en in the cosiety of human belags, they eventeaily such a high pitch of i i e that Fj by the way, ever owned a dog who did not oneteey as ae the wrong side of A getting up and opening doors a door ? may inveigle it cogs Bee 8 In the space é i F B 5 : cE 7 | ie! : ce i iH 5 3 : PF i BB: il Fige au ee a.8° about twenty months. elo but weighing close on thirty-three e - | e : 3 a 5 deep wrinkles on his forehead and over 3 B i zg Fi 2 Fe g.8 4 A Ss : 4. S

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|Janvary 25, 1896 48 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI He is very affectionate and very jealous; a pat or a kind word to one of the other dogs is enough to arouse Rufus from the deepest slumber in order that he may at once claim his share of attention. He is also rather masterful, and being comparatively a little dog he is apt to resent the , good-humoured gambols of the St. Bernards. He is deeply convinced that he is superior to the whole of the rest of them put together. Now I noticed during the last few days that Rufus has been employing his leisure in burying odd biscuits and stray bones in various parts of the garden. For instance, when I gave him a biseuit the other day, instead of oxgeny scrunching it as is his custom, he kept it in his mouth, anc - rcious, half-guilty expression, w his tail fariously all the time. 'Obeying the dictates of good breeding, withdrew, but not far enough to lose sight of Rufus, although | made sure that be was unable to see me. Having waited a to a convenient flower-bed, and began to scrape a hole. he carefully d his bisevit and then the earth back with his broad and foolish brown i carefully smoothed the place all over he came back to me looking as if nothing had ha «d, though his tell-tale nose had upon ita p of earth quite an inch high. It may be thought that Rufus buried these soraps of food in order to have a stor: fur future emergencies. Not at all. I discovered tha‘, to use his own expression, he had been “ pegging out claims” in the garden, and by this time he imagines to have rights over the whole place. We have, of course, all been very much excited by the forei intelligences of the past few weeks, and the other morniog. while tly sleeping, someone read out aloud the German Emperor's ex telegram to President Kaiiezr. Rufus took no notice at the time, but, as the resalt shows, he had evidently heard, had been fired with admiration, and had resolved on the first opportunity to imitate. After lunch on the same day, Ben had retired to smoke a quiet bone in a corner of the that he rticularly affects. , who is, I am sorry to say, rather a greedy og, observed the bone from a distance, and the waters of desire began to trickle from his mouth. Ha decided to make an attempt to possess himself of it, Ben, however, who had tem posited his bone, was fully aware of what was p in Fi , and accordingly whea Roy advanced, looking as if he had t business totally unconnected witha bonein cunendiiiamaie. Ben sprang up, end seized the invader by theear. So resolute was the retriever’s demeanour that ry a sense of knavery, incontinently turned and ere was Rufus’s oppor- | tanity. That remarkable dog copa’ to within ten of Ben, looked at him steadily, barked t and then retired. This was what he had said ; I read it off immediately on the Cogitatograph : “I con- gratalate you with all my heart on having repulsed ly inva- sion of Rob-roy, freebooter, without the intervention of any friendly powers, (Signed) Rufus, R. § 7.” Ben had made a sui ly to the effect that he would defend the independence of his beloved bone to his last gasp. Tur consequences of this ridiculous action on Rufus's part are very distressing. Roy and Don, who had of course heard the message delivered, are both furious. Don says that he is far from wishing to defend every action that —_ may take, but after all, blood is thicker than water, and he is to endure the pre- posterous airs of a bandy-legged upstart like Rufus. Ben is not to» pleased. -He says he can defend himself without the intervention of anybody, and has no intention of being by Rufus. In fact, that unfortunate spaniel is at the present moment the most unpopular dog I have ever known, and all on account of a moment’s rashness inspired by hearing the Emperor's telegram read aloud, 1 have had to give Rufus a room to himself, and to keep him carefally out of the oe he the St. Bernards, I scarcely like to think what the end of it all may be. OBJECT LESSONS FOR THE BAR. Scenz—A Court of Law. Judge on Bench, Solicitors in Well,| va Silks in the an reserved fur them. Back seats crowded with members of the Junior Bar. First Leader (rising and addressing the C. YS ¢- Lord, with my friends, Messrs. Biacxsrows, Cone, Bacow, E ov, and Lyrrietos, for the plaintiff. ja down. Second Leader ( following suit). And I, my , with my friends, Messrs Barertess, Dunvr, Ror, Dox, and Jostintan Cocxsury, for he ae pee sate I do not wish to interf " interfere at so early a stage. But I would suggest t> learned counsel wearing silk, that Te De there seems to me rather an excessive use of stuff in this matter. (Laughter. im, | it : Maine iH) Hilf Hi al 1) pry } BELLICOSE PREPARATIONS. Tae PpRoposep Grrearre Corps on Active Service. First Leader (smiling). Itike your Lordship’s meaniog. But I would humbly suggest that in the course of my case I shall have to show a prize fight, when, for the purpose of illustration, I shall fiad the services of my friends who are associated with me invaluable. —— ¢ my — when at Cambridge were distin guished members 0 ° The Judge. Quite so. Of course you will use your discretion. Second Leader, And as the matter has been mentioned, my Lord, I think it is only right to say that, as during the course of this case { shall have to show how a game of Nap was played, I cannot diepense with the services of my I may mention that Mr. Baizriess (whose face may possibly be better known to your Lordship than his voice) isa very clever amateur actor. Daring the last twenty or thirty years he has been giving readings of Hamlet and Dazzle, absolutely distinet from those made familiar to the public by Sir Henny Invine and the late Mr. Coantes Maruews, e. I have not the least doubt of Mr. Bareriess’s ability but I wou'd point out that, as a rule, a Queen’s Counsel is satisfied with the assistance of (at most) two members of the Janior Bar. ae Leader, Just so, my Lord. nu Be —_ it we ian your Lordship’s memory recently Mr. Avorny sho a — Site ht be committed in a cab with the | \ Hh | il ikki V certainly The Judge (interrupting). Yes, | 4 afraid that the matter may end ia. Siatensintment. But that isa point that the Taxing Master must decide. Both Leaders, As your Lordship [Scene closes in upon the prospect of a coming contest “re costs,” * Daily Chronicle, January 15, 1896. Iy rz “* Moror.”—There is to be a grand exhibition of Motor Carriages at the Imperial Institute. Is this to bs in May, or ata Re-Moter date ? ~ Tue Cuasrerep Sovrm Arricaw Co.—**A Chartered Libertine.” an net GOLD PRIZE 3} | LL e Old Iris GUI —— Of the hig u SM f | ) KNOW M RICK AT TH An tobae For ACII HEA

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Janvarr 25, 1896.

ScbF ep?” SODA WATER, &c.

. To be obtained at all leading Clubs, Hotels, GOLDEN H 40/-, 44/-, §2/-, Net Cash. Delivered Free. ani Restaurants, which are not exclusively | Hoftice and eases included,alsoin ¢and* gall cooks, supplied by SCHWEPPE & CO.., if specially ROBARE'S AUREOLINE A blend of the very finest old Highland malts of estes’. W5ah, a0) Bameres te eoee Ty caska, RFECTLY HARMLE and delicate in flavour. ead = Perfumers and ew HOPE & BENDLE, Wholesale: R. HOVENDEN & SONS 4 all . HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN. | principal Patent Medicine Warehouses, London. | ™ es*s* Ceres, Mall at tendos. SW;

These Waters are supplied to

WELCOME ALWAYS, Ss | EVERY HOME KEEP IT HANDY, | GRANT'S MORELLA CHERRY BRANDY. FRERES’| = Cabinetmakers, Decora- «, &c., or direct from the ame BANU LO iier i. G Tuanenr, 5 et. es ~_ f 3 = . 1 , Grove. Manet ester. And retailed by all first-class : S 5 : tobaeconists at home and abroad. x , = E EP Pp S’ S DINNEFORD'S MAGNESIA. : SS TEFUL—COMFORT For ACIDITY or rae STOMACH, HEARTBURN, ‘ e. , GRA L_ cour ws HEADACHE, GOUT, and INDIGESTION. 4 mum, | 380 COCOA 4 at Wwesedsten ‘. . -

Fe, 2, R THE FAM "ee, aw bh > b *maesssmnnne Sold only in l-ounce Packets and 2, 4, and 8-ounce, and 1-lb. Tins, which keep the Tobacco in Fine Smoking Condition. Ask at all Tobacco Sellers, Stores, &c., and take no other. The genuine bears the Trade Mark, “ NOTTINGHAM CASTLE,” on every Packet aud Tin. ’ om” WHISKY i i mm | PLAYER'S NAVY CUT GICARETTES, In Packets and Tins only, containing 12, 24, 50, and 100. aS

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Janvary 25, 1896. LEA & PERRINS SAUCE has been known for more than FIFTY YEARS ALL OVER THE WORLD. ASK FOR LEA & PERRINS’ SAUCE, And observe that the Signature ee is now printed in Blue Ink diagonally across the OUTSIDE WRAPPER of every Bottle. Sold Wholesale by the Proprietors, Worcester; CROSSE & | | BLACKWELL, Ld., London; and Export Oilmen generally. RETAIL EVERYWHERE. WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE. pay ‘‘ No Better Food Exists.’’ This Food, which is malted y ae should be tried “Tt is excellent in quality and flavour.” —Lanc«, Allen & — London Medical Record, etn 2h, a a can aa, Sold Everywhere in 1j-, 2/-, ,» and 10/-, tins. AL ae NON-CAUSTIC. NON-CORROSIVE. Instantly Stops Disinfectant : puiiisahiaiiandees Infection. canteen * "Tal "pone an cr germ: dering power an gue Canaan aaa readily sae water, = tirely free from t ers and eure at — of em, gin aras boy Hy sus ta Galton Tins, 10s. A sample bottle or tin sent carriage paid athe ited’K ings om for postal order. ie pata ay ene a & COMPANY, Limited, ; Great George St., 8.W.; Thorncliffe House, 331, Gray's Inn Rd., London, W.C. EACH JAR BEARS FAC-SIMILE OF JUSTUS VON LIEBIG’S Liebig tue est Company’s Extract of Beef. WORLD-KNOWN SIGNATURE IN BLUE INK ACROSS LABEL. FRAY BENTOS OX TONGUES ARE THE BEST. | GROSSE & BLAGKWELLS PICKLES, SAUCES, MALT VINEGAR, JAMS, SOUPS, AND POTTED MEATS, May be obtained from Grocers through- out the World. CROSSE & BLACKWELL, LIMITED, SOHO SQUARE, LONDON. PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. Prints labard Stet; in the Precinct of Wiltatram, tn the Gity of’ Loudon, and publahtd Cy nim el Ne. Oh Pioet Street im the Parksh of Bt Brides ‘Sav tt Landens-bareeset, teeny ee PIC