Punch 1894-10-06: Vol 107 Iss 2778

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| BY THE AUTHOR OF BY THE AUTHOR OF OCEL By D. CHRISTIE MURRAY. “A YELLOW ASTER,” | "A Gray Eye or So,’ &'| Forbid the Banns.' | Seen SSE COS ae, ‘Hi , RISING STAR. | CHILDREN OF ONE FAIR RUN TO GROUND ail | CIRCUMSTANCE. DAUGHTER. | 4 SPORTING NOVEL. | In 3 Vols. In 3 Vols o> ee - \ ry - _ ? eae = IW UD) df) 2 MESSRS. HMUTCHINSON’S NEW NOVELS. At ali Libraries. 1a ST rin i g | } “J st "ia = ! : 1 | PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. PRICE THREE PENCE. ed > ¥ RUN SEF PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, +. , LONDON. "CHOCOLAT MENIER ote

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PO t and urious side tel the rid October 6, 1894 | PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 4 LOB; Grim Grony of CUHANGE. . - € : AM" SU > , 1. It was the beginning of the Club season. “I shall e glad to see all the boys again after all these weeks!” murmured Clubber, as Mrs. C. packed him up. 3. “* Magnificent reciter Foodle”is, to be sure!’’ they murmured, in an ecstatic dream of enthusiasm. “Bray 0! Splendid, dear old boy!!” 4. And when they parted at the end of the evening, they breathed fervently, Good night, old fellow—bless you!” * °* * ° ’ *, It was the middle of the Club season. ‘‘ Hum, Foodle’s recitations are always so long-winded. Great 6. And when they parted at the end mistake,” they muttered to themselves. “ And the other fellows are a bit slow, after all.”’ 7. It was the end of the Club season. “ Well, if 8. “1’m not going to recite to you idiots,” you want my opinion,” said Clubber, “that raid Foodle. “It’s a waste of breath.” Foodle’s a beastly poor reciter.” “I don't want “Much relieved to bear it!” said Groodle. your opinion ; nobody does,” said Rubber. “ But you happen to be right for once.” the evening, they just nodded. * * 9. “I'm precious glad to get away from that maddening set of chuckle-headed bores for a few weeks !"’ said Clubber, as Mrs, C. unpacked him. VOL, CVII,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (Octonmr 6, 1894.

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“TERRIBLE IN HIS ANGER!” J-st-n MoC-rthy (reading extract from German Emperor's Speech), ‘1 CAN BE VERY DISAGREEABLE TOO, WHEN I Like.’ Au! socan I!”

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Ocroser 6, 1894.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 159 LORD ROSEBERY IN THE NORTH. Toe Parme Minister has been having a high old time of it lately in the North, and has become the ‘* youngest burgess” of goodness knows how many ancient boroughs. But it has been left to a reporter to note with an eagle eye the really interesting per- formance which Lord Rosr- pekyY has put to his credit. ‘Immediately on leaving Dornoch,” says this gentle- man (the reporter, not the Premier), “ Lord Rosepery | and the Duke of SurHERLAND drove to the Meikle Ferry, a distance of four miles, ¢ the ferry, and again drove to Tain, four miles farther on. Crossing the a they both | took a turn at the oars, and generally discussed the sport of seal shooting!” This sug gests quite a fresh phase of the New Journalism. We shall soon read such paragraphs as the following :— “Sir Wirtmm Harcourt left town for Malwood on Tuesday. Going down in the train the right hon. gentle- man played marbles with a fellow - passenger, and dis- of resignation.” SWEET SIMPLICITY. Diffident Man (who does not know to how much of an Ingénue he is talking). | : storm of fury, it shou ** HAVE YOU BEEN OUT LONG, Miss Grace?’ , n ; cussed generally the virtues | Miss Grace ‘consulting her wrist-strap). ‘‘Ou, ABOUT THREE-QUARTERS ov | by saying, ‘Don’t be in a AN Hour, You s&2 WE WERE ASKE) TO COMY. PUNCTUALLY.” “Mr. H. H. Fowrer tran- sacted important business at the Indie Office yesterday. He — his por : ayed a e trund = and had an anima talk on the subject of whist.” “Mr, A. J, Batrour played _at golf with a gentleman, with whom he had a very interest- |ing conversation on the sport ‘of chute shooting.” The moral of which would seem to be that, since even conversation is now reported, |silence is more golden than ever; though r. Punch notices J—+4. the y= Mix- ISTER showed rare diplomacy in his choice of a subject. Not even a qegere could ex- | tract any poli meaning out of the sport of seal shooting ! | Very Near.—The Record be te gM a | CAINE or |seene in The Ray _ “Mr, Carne,” says the Record, ‘has been in a pan , pers lost a chance, as, evidently ex ng i hi have eprecated the author's anger | hurry-Carye.” “TERRIBLE IN HIS ANGER!” Mr. J-st-w McC-nrrny (reading the speech of the German Emperor to the Mayor of Thorn). ** For you know, I can be very dis- agreeable too!” Ah! and so can I—when I like! ICAN BE VERY NASTY, WHEN I LIKE! (The Song of a Mouton Enragé.) (“I own that I am sorry that a louder, and a stronger, and a prompter note of reassurance has not been given to the Irish people with regard to this obstructive power of the House of Lords, and that I look to the Autumn Campaign with anxious hope for a clear and certain signal.”—Mr. Justin McCarthy in the‘ New Review.””| Enraged (and enrhumé) Leader, with his Seet in ** hot water,” sings :— Yes, I’b wud with the yug Ebperor id this— Extreebs—as has otfted said—do beet! Wow ! this water, I declare, is od the hiss, Id is very hot iddeed to by poor feet ! ) By cowd is beastly troublesub, at tibes ; But, although I ab as patied as r Sbike, I’b bowd to kick whed subwud galls by kibes ; Ad I cad be very darsty, whed I like! Yug Wiis fides it needful to speak out, Ad, like that Hebrew persod id the play, He cad be “‘ very darsty,” there’s no doubi ; Ad so cad I, of course id by owd way. A buttad’s wudrous angry whed aroused, Ad if those Liberals well be. I shall strike. Owd Oirelad has so freaquadly bid choused— Ad a cad be very darsty, whed they e! Bister Bortzy we all dow, and he’s all right, _ Ad Suaw-Lerevre’s sowd upod the : Sir WitxrAs “ is a fighter” —will he fight ?— Yug |Rosesery—well, jokes are dot buch use. That Asevrrn ’s dot a fascidatig bad, | As hard as dails, plaid-spoked as a pike! |I wish There bight have bid a protest strog ad sterd, But do! they let the Peers, id sileds, score. | Sir WiLtran dever said a siggle word Whed they kicked “ Evicted Tedadst ” frob I bigh ie "bid a local turdpike Bill t bight have bid a ike Bi Or Act to regulate the Seorcher’s “* bike.” I bust idsist od ‘* bizdess,” ad I will, For I cad be rery darsty, whed I like! The Irish are begidded to have doubts (Ad Repsvp, he is goid to give be beads), If * Ids” betray by Cudtry, there are a) ( ” ! Hobe Rule bust dot be shudted, like stale - 8, The Shabrock bust be shaked at those Peers ; Or BeCarthyites bay go upod the Strike !— Ad the Rads » chuc ed frob Office—yes, for * years '— Oh! I cad be precious darsts—whed I like ! In Nuce. Tae pith of Lassy’s caustic elocution Is that long war of words should end in deeds. After the lead of the Leeds Resolution, He wants to feel that Resolution leads! A House of Words but little help affords In a hot contest with a House of Lords, But Lanny, were the issue quite so glorious If—as some tear—the Lords should prove | victorious ? NEW READING FOR THE NEW ART, say | Ose might conclude from many a spindly | To Doctors’ Commons being done away ! No wonder its machinery is rust | Some read Ars longa est as “* Art is Lark” ! | Since in your time at best it idst the Lords they had sub! | aa, Oh I cad be very darsty, whed I like. Sie Hensert Jensen Fost what would you THE LUNNON TWANG. I 've heard a Frenchman wag his tongue Wi’ unco din an’ rattle, An’, faith, my vera lugs hae sung Wi listenin’ tae his prattle ; But French is no the worst of a’ In point o’ noise an’ clang, man ; There ’s ane that beats it tar awa’, And that ’s the Lunnon twang, man. You wadna think, within this land, That folk could talk sae queerly But, sure as Death, tae understanc he callants beats me fairly. An’, 'faith, ’tis little gude their schules Can teach them, as ye ‘ll see, man, For—wad ye credit it >—the fules Can scarcely follow me, man. An’ yet, tae gie the deils their due, (An’ little praise they ’re worth, man,) They seem tae ken, I kenna hoo, That I come frae the Nor-r-rth, man ! ay maun be clever, for ye ken There ’s nought tae tell the chielr, man: I 'm jist like a’ the ither men That hail frae Galashiels, man, But oh! I’m fain tae see again The bonny hills an’ heather ! Twa days, and ne’er a drap o’ rain— Sic awfu’ drouthy weather ! But eh! I doubt the Gala boys Will laugh when hame I gang, man, For oo! I’m awfu’ feared my vuice Has ta’en the Lunnon twang, man! Demolition of Doctors’ Commons. y but Fasty ! —_—~

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. [Ocroper 6, 1894. LYRE AND LANCET. (A St in Scenes.) f LE VETERINAIRE MALGRE LULL. ‘ XITT. Outside the Stables at Wyvern. Time —Ahbout 10 p.m. meelf, as he folloes Avams). Now is my time to t wetting away from here. (7o Apams.) By the bye, et me have a conveyance of some sort—after I've I’m rather in a hurry. You'd better speak to Mr. Carecxuizy about that, Sir; it department I'll fetch him round, if you'll vou see, An he'd like to hear what you think about the He goes off to the coachman’s quarters. ilone). A very civil fellow this; he seems quite anxious to A th ul ul There must be something very remarkable t [ADAMS returns with CuRCKLEY. f Mr. Carck ed coachman M YDERSHELI I ming in along to ‘ear what if you've nr f himeaelf l t make a friend of Te in. r el | ] «sh all rmed, Mr KLEY I’ve only ry few minutes to it I’m 1 t a to see this horse you d ha’ done more good, in my opinion, and it’s my belief as Mr. Unpersnecc here will tell you I’m right. Und. (to himself), Can't afford to offend the coachman! (4lvud.) Well, I daresay—er—embrocation would have been better. Adams, Ah, that’s where me and Mr. Cuecktey differ. Avccord- ing to me, it ain’t to do with the shoulder at all—it’s a deal lower down. ... I’ll’ave him out of the box and you'll soon see what | mean. Und. (hastily). Pray don’t trouble on my account. him ecapitally from where I am, thanks. Adams, You know best, Sir. Only I thought you’d be better able to form a judgment after you’d seen the way he stepprd across, But if you was to come in and examine the frog ? I don't like the look of it myself. Und. (to himself), I’m sure I don’t. I’ve a horror of reptiles, Aloud.) You're very good. I—TI think I won't come in. The place must be rather damp, mustn't it—for that ? Adama, It’s dry enough in ere, Sir, as you may see; nor yet he ain’t been standing about in no wet. Still, there it is, you see! Und, (to himself), What a fool he must be not to drive it out! Of course it must anno the horse. ay don’t see it; but I’m quite willing to take your word for if. Adams, 1 don’t know how you can erpect to see it, Sir, without you look inside of the ‘oof for it. Und. (to It’s not alive something inside I—I can see himself). it’s the t hoof. I suppose I ought f He ain't to have known that. ‘ orees, & ( Aloud.) Just 80; but i t But I see no necessity for t Ly looking inside the hoof. ibout it. Check. In course he idams (as he leads don’t, or he’d ha’ looked he stab the very fust thing, p the gas). with all his experience. Sir, that’s De I ’ope you’re sati-fied re in th: now, ADAMS? \ Adams. I can't say himself as I am. I say as no | me much man can examine a y other horse! ’orse thoroughly at that wever, I car be distance, be he who he ‘ admiring may. And whether I’m f he inspect right or wrovg, it ’ud sgh the ra be more of a «ati-faction eed * he is wor to me if Mr. Uxper- g' A magniticer SHELL was to step in and ature see the ’oof fr himself. tipping Check, Well, there’s clothing sense in that, ard I H good ‘orse, Sir dessay Mr. Us peksSHELL udyship won't won't object to obliging herself ¢ I you that far. animal, not since Und. (with reluct- he influenzy so ance). Oh, with plea- ‘ if , re es i “ You ve a lt to leara about navicular, you ‘ave, if you can talk such rot as that!” sure, If you make a wouldn't be fit for no more work, she would ! sympathetically), Lean quite imagine so. Not that he seems There, you The ¢ set eyes on the ’orse ! tdams, Wait till Mr. Unperswect has seen him move a bit, and e what he says fhen. | ‘. If it was what you think, he’d never be standing like he | v, depend upon it, | s. You can't / / ny danger of that / friumy hantly). ear that, Apams ? mir te } depend upon it. He ‘earl us coming, and | he uite artful enough to draw his foot back for fear o’ getting a | knock To Uspersne.t I’ve noticed him very fidgety-like on | f egs this last day or two. Hare you, though? (To himself.) 1 hope he won't be rety with his Aind-legs. 4 na, I covled et I shall stay outside. bim down with a rubub and aloes ball, and kep " “ but he don’t seem no better. d. (to himself ). 1 didn’t gather the horse was urwell. ‘ no better? You don’t say so! Check. lf you'd rubbed a little embrocation into the should r, Aloud. point of it. [ He enters the loose bor delicately. Adams (picking up one of the horse's feet). Now, tell me how this ’ere ’oof strikes you. 2 Und. (to himself). That hoof can’t; bat I’m not so sure about the others. (Aloud, as he inspects it.) Well—er—it seems to me a very nice hoof. Adams (grimly). I was not arsking your opinion of it as a work of Art, Bir. Do you see any narrering coming on, or do you not? That’s what I should like to get out of you ! Und. (to himself), Does this man suppose I collect hoofs! How- ever, I’m not going to commit myself. (Aloud.) H’m—well, I I rather agree with Mr. Cueck.ey. Check. | knew he would! Now you’ve got it, Apams! J can see Mr. Unpersae.t knows what he’s about. Adams persistently). But look at this ’ere pastcrn. You can’t deny there's puffiness there. How do you get over that Und. Lf the horse is puffy, it’s his business to get over it—not mine. Adams (aggrieved). You may think proper to treat it light, Sir ; but if you put your ‘and down ‘ere, above the coronet, you'll feel a throbbing as plain as —— —

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| up in her work than you seem to be, it’s ’igh time she chucked it, | Creck Ley, could let me have a trap to | Adams. He did you pretty brown, I must say. To’ear you crow- ing over me when he was on your side. | larfing ! | and give it out navickler. ity! | Cutvertns shall learn that there is at least one poet who will not put | up with their insolent patronage ! | for him, he'll ’ave to set on that portmanteau of his a OCTOBER 6, 1894. ] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL likely. But I don’t know, really, that it would afford e any particular gratification if I did! idams. Well, if you don't take my view, I should ha’ thought as ‘d want to feel the ’orse’s pulse. Und. You are quite mistaken. I don’t. (To himself.) Particu- larly as I shouldn't know where to find it. What a bore this fellow is with his horse ! Check. In course, Sir, you see what’s running in Mr. Apams’ ’ed ill this time, what he’s a-driving at, eh? Und. (to himself). I only wish I did! This will require tact. Aloud.) I--I could hardly avoid seeing that—could I ? Check. I should think not. And it to reason as a vet like yourself ’d spot a ow | like navickler fust go off. Und. (to himself), A vet! They’ve been taking me for a vet all this time! I ean’t have been so ignorant as I t ht. I reall don’t like to undeceive them—they might feel annoyed. (Aloud, nowingly.) To be sure, I—I spotted it at once. Adams. He does make it out navicular after all! What did I teli you, CueckLey? Now p’r’aps you'll believe me / Check. I'll be shot if that ’orse has navickler, whoever says so— there! Adams (gloomily). It’s the orse "Il ’ave to be shot; worse luck ! I’d ha’ give conetiing if Mr. UspersHect could ha’ shown I was wrong; but there was very little doubt in my mind what it was all along. Ind. (to homself, horrified). I’ve been pronouncing this unha animal’s doom without ae EL it! I must tone itdown. (4 I never said he must be shot. There’s no reason to despair. Und. Very . . No —no, It—it’s quite a mild form of er—clavieular—not at all infectious at present. And the horse has a splendid constitution. I—I reall think he’ll soon be himself again, if we only—er—leave Nature to her work, you know. Adams (after a prolonged whistle). Well, if Nature ain’t better ind took to something else, You’ve a lot to learn about navicular, you ’ave, if you can talk such rot as that! Check, Ah, I’ve’ad to do with a vet or two in my time, but I’m blest if I ever come across the likes o’ you afore ! Und. (to himself). I knew they’d d me out! I must i them. (Aloud.) But, look here, I’m nof a vet. I never said I was. It was your mistake entirely. came down here because—well, it’s unnecessary to explain now why |came. But I’m most anxious to get away if you, my dear Mr. take me to Shuntingbridge obliged. ECKLEY stares, deprived of speech. Adams (with a private wink to CwecKiEy). inly he wi Sir. I’m sure Cuecxiey ’ll feel proud-to turn out, late as it is, to oblige a gentleman with A remarkable knowledge of ’orse- —_. Drive you over hisself in the broom and pair, J shouldn’t wonder ! Und. One horse will be quite sufficient. Very well, then. Ill just run up and get my portmanteau, and— and one or two things of mine, and if you will be round at the back entrance—don’t trouble to drive up to the front door—as soon as possible, I won’t keep you waiting longer than I can help. Good evening, Mr. Apams, and many thanks. (Zo himself, as he hurries back to the house.) I’ve got out of that rather well. Now, I’ve only to find my way to the Verney Chamber, see this fellow Srurgett, and get my clothes back, and then I can retreat with comfort, and even di These to-night, I should feel = Check. (to Apams). He has got a cool cheek, and no mistake! But if he waits to be druv over to Shuntingbridge till J come round time! I could ’ardly keep from Check. I see he warn’t no vet long afore you, but I let it go on for the joke of it. It was rich to see you a wanting him to feel the ’oof, Well, you got his opinion for what it was wuth, so you’re all right! Adams. You think nobody knows ae ry ’orses but your- self, you do; but if you’re meanin’ to make a story out o’ this against me, why, I shall tell it my way, that’s all! a k. It was you he made a fool of, not me—and I can prove it there! [ They dispute the point, with rising warmth, for some tume. Adams (calming down), Wel see ere, CueckLey, I dunno, come to think of it, as either on us "ll show up SS smart over this ere job; and it strikes me we’d better agree to k uiet about it, eh? (CHECKLEY acquiesces, not unwillingly.) And { think The fact is, my—my good men, I}h sh fs horrible detail would more ing OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. “Ana!” quoth the Baron. ‘‘ This book of Master Srayiey Werman’s, called Under the Red Robe, delighteth me much. A stirring story of swashbucklers, pistols, daggers, conspirators, gay —. and gentle dames! Exciting m first to last, and all in one volume, >» which, beshrew me, by my hilts! ” » quoth the B. 4, ** the be he who he may, will find easy to take up, and most t to put down, until quite finished. "Tis published by one eruven, of London, whose house Cavalier Werman hath favoured more than once ere he wrote this stirring romance.” Towards the finish there is spice of Butwer Lyrrron’s drama Richelieu, — indeed the last situation in this tale is almost one with the action of the scene in the play where Richelieu brings the lovers Sap. Yet is this but a mere detail, those who follow the Baron’s literary tips wil! do well and wisely to read Under the Red Robe, By the way, Mr, Caton Woopvitxe’s illustrations to the story are excellent, having the rare merit of the action without revealing the plot. *“‘ Catox, thou pi well,” Within the limits of a hundre Lord Durrency has given the world a picture it will not willi A die, It is a portrait of his mother, *‘ one of the sweetest, m utiful, most accomplished, wittiest, most loving and lovable human beings that ever walked upon the earth.” is, as my Baronite says, is the superlative of praise, and it might reasonably be suspected that filial feeling has critical acumen. But here in this volume of Songs, Poems, and Verses (Joun Murray) we have Lady Durrenrtn though dead et speaking, and may judge for ourselves, It is characteristic of er son , whilst on the first page the above title is boldly set forth in large ruddy-hued type, a smaller line lower down, in plain black ink, refers to the * Memoir.” In its felicity of literary style, its clear touches of characterisation, and its flarhes of quiet this monograph is a masterpiece. It fittingly frames the extract from the journal commenced by Lady Durrerin when she felt the hand of death gripping her. This ent is prose worthy of the author of The Irish Emigrant, whose simple pathos has stirred the heart on both sides of the Atlantic, Within the brief limits he has assigned to himself, Lord Durrentn manages to give a succinct account of the illustrious family of which Heien, y DurrERry, was a ee star. It would be difficult to parallel the sustained brilliancy of the Suxripans, from Ricnarv Brinstey down to his great- t-grandson, at present Her Masesty’s Minister at Paris. To the of the graces they have added ~ed of all the talents. It is hard to live up to the literary standard of the Saenrpans. In this delightful volume Lord Durrerty shows that the marvel was accomplished by his mother, and is possible for himself. My Baronite has made an attempt to read Lourdes in the con- venient shape in which Messrs. Cuatro anp Winpvus present it to the mans public. He honestly admits that, finding on a rapid glance through its pages the first chapter was a fair sample of the bulk, he gave it up. M. Zora has avowedly set him- self the task of antes describing the pitiful experience of the halt, the lame, the blind, and much worse, w qeurnay So Lourdes in the desperate hope of miraculous recovery. He may at least be con- tulated on having achieved his object. Only, the report with all y have a in the pages of the Lancet or the British Medical Journal, Bince it has been pub- lished in book form realism should have been carried one step further. The volume ought to have been bound in a poultice instead of ordinary cloth. As it is, the leaves turned over fill the room with faint, sickening smell of the hospital ward. Lourdes is certainly not alluring. It is, in truth, ourd—et sale aussi. Once again, for the benefit of all brother-scribes who, for a while, or frequently, may have to do their scribbling when journeying, or while compelled by illness to remain in Bedford-under-Clothes,—as was but recently the case with your own Baronius, pains and counterpanes over him,—the use of ‘* The Hairless Author's Paper-pad,” i.e. ** The Author's Hairless Paper-pad,” issued by the Leadenhall Press, on which the author can write with pencil or with pen,—for the blotter is handily placed at the back of the pad, —is strongly recommended by the Ready Writer's and Ready Reader’s best friend, Toe SLAMELESS Baxon ve Boox-Woume. Mem. ny aw Otp Maip.—If you “ look over your age,” you y age, y Ill take a look in at the "Ousekeeper’s Room tly, and try if I can’t drop a hint to old ome dy about ES snnie-tenneel chap, for it’s my belief he ain’t down ’ere for no good! won't find anyone else willing to do the same.

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| closer touch with : PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. see 6, 1604. | He. “lexw't THat Mas. Gayiy stttixc sy Taompson? How Far suz’s crown! LIKE TaaT!” She, “‘OH—YOU SHOULD NOT SAY THAT TO Mzg/” He. “ Wuv sort OF covise I oNLY MEANT WHEN THE WomaN Is Youre!” AND DEEPER STILL. : | W&AT A MISFORTUNE FoR A WOMAY £0 LOOK “POR EXAMPLE!” Or, an Ex-Radical’s Reflections in a Peer-Glass. ‘I say that I, at any rate, am ready to view | with favour any reasonable proposal which would add an elective element to the composition of the House of Lords, which would bring them into Rae’ sentiment.” — M, mes’ Report).| | Hold hard! I’m quting—tem myself ! - Of Commoners a mere majori Means rule of party, passion, veld, Which in the Peers have no authority. Non-representative, but nice, The Peers are patriots, heroes, sages Class-selfishness is not their vice ; They haste not, don’t get int» rages. To a majority of them . We safely may entrust our freedom. But mere M.P.’s? With venal phlegm They 'd sell it—fur the mess of Edom! Mesopotamia—blesséd word !— Than the word “ Peer Mere Commoners are crass, absurd, Foolish as Creon, false as Cressid | To trust to an elected mob Chamberlain at Leeds “ Tuy toil not, neither do they spin” - | Aught but occasional orations ! Ah! that was in my days of sin. How time has altered our relations Yes, I was down upon the Lords When I compared them with the lilies : New Rads remind me of my word But then New Rads are all old cillies. How dare they, dupes of GLapstrone's guile, | Poor Party tools, mere flies in amber, But dukes and earls may do the job, To imitate my earlier style, For a Peer’s robe must cover reason. And rave against a Second Chamber ? Still an ‘‘ elective element” And do they think to corner me Perhaps might their *‘ composition” By mere tu quoque and quotation ? **In touch with popular ines A gift of ready repartee And hush the wowlings sedition. Secures such easy extrication. To pick the best and behehtest stars I worship what I wished to burn ?— The jeer is really most unhandsome ' For things s have —— r a turn Since I ran rather wil on Ransom. The House of Lords is 4 sole hope, Sheet-anchor, lighthouse, egis, haven . The only power which can cope With the New Rad—that nervelesscraven' A Single Chamber means the sway Of majority—most shocking! - With no devices of delay, ress impeding, feecdiom moesing — orm, Might still some poletariat jars.— Of course, a robe and coronet Would never make me turn a Tory, Like—well, so many. Now | ‘li bet King Sotomoy in all his glory Was not arrayed—tut! tut !—no more I'd like ro to forget those lilies, These quoted bits are such a bore,— Wiuty's! ” is far less bles:¢d! Our Glorious Empire, were sheer treason ; From court and college, bench and plat- Hah ! how should I appear in that form? Unless they’re that old ‘‘ tonguester” ! Experimentum in— «ell, no! The context is nec very flattering, (How seldom my quotations go ! There are some drawbacks smattering. But if the ‘‘ elective element” Would Peers improve, as not a few | in yaere I might— some day—-ho know~ ?—consent To show them how—wel!, what do you think ? LIGHT IN DARKNESS. Written upon hearing that Mr. Gladstone's enforced rest is lightened by the reading aloud of relays of Devoted Friends, Mionry- vane ~y Mriitoy, whose unmurmur- ing so -_ yet ‘in organ tones round his loved land, Its saddest strain, with high endurance grand, | -. neonquerably serene, sublimely strong ; Sing i * our Statesman’s ears! Great Homer, ong | His* ot in youth, in manhood, and in | Let thy ‘charmed splendours, and thy coun- sels sage, | Calm his large energies to fine content. **God doth not | Fither man’s work, or his own gifts ”’—so [State The "hanle high reply. , But the whole Wishes its np servitor ‘* God s w Mee Se darkness, *. to his ** They also serve who only stand and wait.” Be | 8 patience his!

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Octoner 6, 1894. | ~ J / ~ . | ~ . \ \ iV 5 ‘ = i 1 . j g - - ‘ ~ 1 | ! ~ amy | - ‘ ~ ~~ | . . | a Wg | ah Riri UUIT LTE TERHa18 i boPYy | “FOR EXAMPLE!” Jor Cu-ms-R1-y. “J SHOULD RECONSTRUCT THE HOUSE OF LORDS ACCORDING TO SOML ELECTIVE AND NON-HEREDITARY PLAN——.” (Leeds, September 25.)

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Ocroper 6, 1894.} 165 ———— AIRS RESUMPTIVE. [vV.—To Jutsa mx SHootine Toes and a Herrickose vein). JULIA goes, s) how bravely ae OE tt ea ee ; ae, Wuenas to shoot m Then, then, (methi shows [That rare arrangement of her clothes! S» shod as when the Huntress Maid With thumping buskin bruised the glade, She moveth, making earth afraid, Avainst the sting of random chaff Her leathern gaiters circle half [he arduous crescent of her calf, (nto th’ occasion timely fit My love’s attire doth show And of her legs a little bit. Sorely it sticketh in my throat, She having nowhere to bestow ’t, To name the absent petticoat. her wit, In lien whereof a wanton pair Of knickerbockers she doth wear, Full windy and with space to spare. Enlarged by the bellying breeze, Lord! how they playfully do ease The urgent knocking of her knees! Lengthways cartailed to her taste A tunic cireumvents her waist, And soothly it is passing chaste, (‘pon her head she hath a gear Even such as wights of ruddy cheer Dy use in stalking of the deer. Haply her truant tresses mock Some coronal of shapelier block, To wit, the bounding billy-cock. Withal she hath a loaded gun, Whereat the pheasants, as they run, Do make a fair diversion. For very awe, if so she shoots, My hair upriseth from the roots, \nd lo! I tremble in my boots ! A Sire Prepicrion.—tThat the New Woman of this decade will be the Old Maid of the next. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. THe OsTRICH AS SHE OUGHT TO BF, THE SEVEN ACES OF ROSEBERY. [Mr. St. Low Stracwey has written an article in the Nineteenth Century, entitled, “ The Seven Lord Roseberies.”’] PARLIAMENT’s a stage, And, Peers or Commoners, they are merely players : They have their exits and their entrances, [parts, And one Peer in his time plays many His acts being seven stages, First the Home-Ruler, Mewling and puking in Nurse Giap- STONE'S arms; And then the Union §&co Jboy, with his satchel, And smooth-cut morning face, creep- ing like snail Unwilling toJor's school. And then the Boss, Working like nigger, with a dithy- rambic So vialist, Made to the County Council. Then a Full of strange aims, bearded like Beenarn Saaw, Jealous of Ground Rents, quick with Land to quarrel, fment, Seeking the fleeting bubble, The! ter- E’en at Monopoly’s mouth, And then the Premier, High above Party, with a pleasant joke {claims ; On the predominant partner and his Fall of light jests and modern mug- wumpisms ; And so he plays his part. The sixth e shifts Into the smooth-cheeked, inexpressive Sphiox [side, With finger at her nose’s knowing Dizzy’s old well mimicked, ** eute”’ and ** wide,” With a cold eye and an oracular voice, Which, tuned to cynic lightness, zles much fall, The Radical (2dipus. Last scene of |That ends this strange «ventful history, iN as Rosesery, Ladas-owner, ord, Sans grit, sans nous, sans go, sans everything ! ANOTHER MAN’S EARS. With Apologies to the Author of ‘* Another Woman's Eyes,” in the “* Illustrated News.”’) BEAUTIFUL ears, indeed, beautiful ears! She must be growing blind to think them fine !) Had you been wiser in those by-gone years, They might have—heard the lectures lost on mine. I only wish they had! (But no, no, no; __I'd rather list long nights to Caudle-shine, Than let those beautiful ears—she calls them so— List some “ soft nothings’ murmured into mine !) SLOW, AND NOT QUITE SURE. (A Suggestion not necessarily Founded upon Facts.) SCENE (isposal. The Magistrate has made up his mind to deal sum- marily in the matter. Magistrate. And so you say that the prisoner has a bad record ? Policeman X. A very one, your ip. We have strong dom for crimes of varying gravity. . Magistrate. By the new anthropometrical system, you can identify Policeman X. Certainly. I have here certificates from no less > a tvs hundred gaol governors declaring his hair to be the colour of pea-green. The Interior of a Police Court: a case is in course of reasons for believing that he has been in every prison in the king- | Magistrate. And I notice the prisoner has hair of that peculiar ue. Policeman X. Certainly, your worship; and on that account I claim _that you impose upon this man the heaviest punishment within your jurisdiction. Magistrate, And now prisoner what have you to say P ; Prisoner. Merely this, that the man who last night broke into the jeweller’s shop was not myself but another. I had nought to do with the crime. The constable has sworn that the caitiff had om game hair, Now I have not pea-green hair; my locks are ack. | Magistrate, Assertion is not proof. By the anth etrical system we can spot you. Look at yourself in the glass and you will see that your hair 7s pea-green. | Prisoner, You are wrong, Sir. You see my curls are of raven | black. _\ Removes his wig.) Am I not right? Am I not entitled to Magistrate. Certainly. Officers, do your duty. Release your prisoner ! [ The accused is liberated, and, in the company of some trusted pals, leaves the Court without a stain upon his character, and with the intention of doing a little more burgling before he is many hours older. Curtain, On reading a ‘‘ Smart” Novel. Heavy moralities, @ da Sanan Granp, Are tedious oft, and trivial to boot ; But some who write of Vice with a ‘‘a light hand,” Merit the impact of a heavy foot.

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~~ ee See Seee Eee of that is not a gallery of pictures, but a Chamber of Herrors.”” Ocroper 6, 1894.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 167 ; THE COMPLAINT OF THE | MODERN LOVER. My peerless but p ive Fair, | To you my heart f proffer. Time was when one knew where | you were, | And how to make an offer. Now, all too swiftly you advance For Damon to pursue you, Take pity on his ignorance, And tell him Aow to woo you! If strong on Woman’s Rights you are, Upon her wrongs I'll ponder : I'll win for you a Wanderjahr, If I with you may wander. Or does ———— enthrall ? Before the summer passes [’ll run a moral Music Hall To renovate the Masses. Say, shall I write to you in verse | Of metre strange and frantic, | Which by neglect of barriers Proves genius gigantic ? Is modern fiction dear to you ? In seandal while I grovel, I will endeavour to outdo Its most pernicious novel ! seloved, of which patent creed Shall I uplift the banner ? By telepathy shall I plead, | Or in the usual manner ? \| \ hi My If after Occult Truth you pe, ie \\ \ kd) Mi) Though now 1’m no aon, \ Wy, From earthly bonds I yet might y) o4 ty | ’ 0 aud For you—to free my Atma! eee Shall I by Geomancy show a | |, ania Your lot and mine united, me The sign of Acquisitio Foretelling love requited ? Or shall I from the planets prove That long before | knew you ! Our fates were linked ? My|TO U8 AND BRING your Wire. By THe WAY, WHAT Is YOUR NAME | N ” modern love, Oh, tell me how to woo you! ni'| J / uv ) To profit by my legal lore ae o/ Sa Will it be U \ WE’VE NOT COME TO THAT YET. She. ‘I WAS 80 GLAD TO HEAR OF youR Manrrace! Do come | Never can last I'll en : He, “On, I HAVEN'T CHANGED My Name. It’s Sax, you know!” It addeth some years to their age. REFLECTIONS (By a Well-Plucked One.) Waew chapel bells rang far and wide, Why did I turn upon my side, Andsweetl back to slumber lide? ' T wonder! When wafted on their way The —— ot the new-mown ha Why did I cut m lectures, eh ? I wonder ! Wy did I modr my punt afar, ice n o I wonder ! Why did the Proctors always ap... RS meeting me without a gown, And Ultimately send me down ? I wonder ! Why did the Dons all di: With my views on equity, And ploug are LL.B. ? wonder ! Why am I now in chambers bare, With nothing much but debts to spare, Cash gone, and credit growing rare? ’ I wonder { Wh} i sity ill | Why do no clients seek ay door Lit be thus for evermore ” I wonder ! e ‘ The New Fashion. Tue fashion in hair The ladies now wear For though, ty dears, It hideth thelr J THE NEW MAN. (A Fragment from the Romance of the Near Future.) He had waited up until two in the morning. He had watched the hands of the clock as they passed round the face from hour to hour. He had put a cloth over the supper, knowing, however, that the a = a disregarded, 2 oy the brandy - = — oue y the expected one. e man gazed at the children's toys, the tradesmen’s books that were beside fon ‘* Not home yet,” he murmured. ‘Ah, those dinners at the club!” Then he considered his past life. He remembered his ing- day, when it seemed so bright and fair. He was a happy h with every —— of a long life of wedded bliss. He loved respected his wife, and felt that side by side they could travel along the road of existence without a rock to arrest their progress, without 4 discordant note to spoil the harmony of their song, until that son had _~: hgh in \ hush of —ar" Tears, su - antl now, floc is eyes as he remembered the i honey- moon. He recollected the anxiety of ALICE to get back to town, to - - iat ow 5 OF eageee he could not follow his wife ate usiness haunts; it wo immodest—nay, even improper. Still, he had been treated kindly, in a conlecnedia sort of way. roug He had had a Brougham, and had been allowed to wait his gentle- | men friends. He had plenty of chats, and occasionally ALICE accompanied him round the park. Then he had seen a good of his children. His daughter, however, had now gone to his sons were always with their nursery tutor. The clock once again. “* Three, ene not mame yet! ‘ ie | arly morning was ing. man, care re-arranged his necktie, and putting pal pe Nn | nee more to resume the reading of a novel that had been attractin nied eee evening. It was called “ Bobby,” and e tures i ing | the laws ~ = ~ a wild, htless man, who was setting How can men write of men like this?” he murmured. “I am| | Rot surprised that women think badly of us when we thus paint our- | selves. Visiting a music-hall with his female cousin! Going to the Zoological Gardens unattended! Oh, Bossy, Bossy, what a creation!” Then he started. There was a noise at the street-door, and the sound of seraping on the outside as if a latch-key were vain] seeking the key-hole. frien the portal slowly opened and a cloak figure lurched rather than walked in. ur p “Oh Atice!” cried the frightened husband, wringing his hands in dismay. “Is there anything the matter?” ; ‘* Nothing, absolutely nothing,” was the indistinct reply. ‘* Fact is I don't think the salmon——” alk And then the new-comer enterel the dining-room, and there was the sound of the effervescence of soda-water. The poor husband sighed, mournfully turned off the gas, and went acy, 4 to bed. “ Oh wife,” murmured the aggrieved husband, as he mounted the stairs, “‘ you cannot help bringing woe to man, for unless you did hal a “4 2 tears this sad pleasantry, th h. nd bursting in at thi Pp ry, the poor chap disappeared into the darkness, 3 COINCIDENCE’S LONG ARM. Dear Stn,—May I draw Pay attention to a series of domestic occurrences which illustrate the distressing of this fin-de-siécle age? I say fin-de-siecle because as it has got to come in somehow, it may as well be said at once. At breakfast yes- terday the bacon was wretchedly cooked. My wife said, ‘ It’s the fault of the New Cook,” which was all the ion or ion that I got. I Sound my ctaty diagsies’ ty on eppesent Siiinere, M achieved at the cost of a com’ of my papers, which been tidied away in a manner that completely y wife only answered, “* “> that New Housemaid.” That night we went to the theatre. name of the play was The New Woman. Then I understood the true inwardness of all my previous experi- The moral is so clear that I do not propose to any. The Cedars, Sept. 29, Norra Newman.

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163 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Octoper 6, 1894. | LETTERS FROM A DEBUTANTE. Dearest Mansonre,—It is really quite time ic gave me some more of your valuable advice, Thanks to you, | was not such an utter failure in my first season as I expected. After a month at home (my people loathe the new way I do my hair, and it seemed, I am ashamed fo say, a ttle dull there), I have come to stay again with the Lvow Tayrmens at their country house, You remember I refused the man who did conjuring tricks? He has written to me since to say he sees now how right I was—rather crushing! I also fully in- tended to refuse Captain Masarneton. But he went to Di without giving me the opportunity, and I hear he has be playing tennis there the whole day with rs. Lonye Horrer. I am sure hove he enjoyed it. She is what you orI wou consider rather old, but is said to be per- fectly charming, and of course looks fifteen years younger than her youngest daughter. It seems rather strange, doesn’t it, Manrsorre, that after being so wonderfully sensible all the season, I should suddenly do something quite idiotic in September ? However, I Ae ; and I wah ae pada me out of it. I'll tell you f if you'll promise nottolaugh. When I first came, I was “thrown,” as a cay, a good deal with the Tarmenr’s nephew—Onrre. Crampton w has jast left Oxford. I was told he was very serious, rather shy philanthropic, and has * views” ; also that he had done a t deal of good in the West End. This interested me, and I tried to draw him out. They had omitted to mention that he was dreadfully sus- ceptible. We talked for hours in the garden, nearly all the time— at first—about the housing of the rich and horrible cases of over- crowding—at London parties. He was very earnest and ascetic (he never drinks anything but hot water, and doesn’t smoke); he lent me hooks—he is rather handsome—and—gradually—somehow I found I had drifted into an absurd sort of private half-engagement! Yes— I have actually a bangle riretted on—with a date inside—the date I | was insane enough to agree—— _ Isn't it dreadful ? | Ontet will be well off, but he intends to spend all his money on founding model slums, where the people are to be teetotallers and do bootmaking or something, and be a happy little colony. Onrer’s | views may necessitate his doing a little cobbling himself—just to set an example, I was enormously impressed by this at first; but I am afraid I have become frivolous again. Some other people have come | here, including a nice boy they call Bany Beacmont. He is | really almost nineteen, but wonderfully well preserved, very clever, and s9 cynical that he is quite an optimist. Almost directly, he asked me how long I had known Ortet Crampton. I said about a fortnight. “Ah! then you must be engaged to him. Poor old Oxret! He's really quite extraordinarily old-fashioned.” ** How old is he?” I asked, in faltering tones. ** He has rather a way of pretending to be young, I fancy. But he must be four-and-twenty if he isaday. You need not say I told you.” It’s evidently the fashion to be rery young—for men, at least. Sometimes I wish it were the fashion to be old enough to know | better. If Onret really Aas been engaged before, and may be again, and if getting engaged to people is only a sort of gy his, perhaps t he would not mind so very much if I were to break i A Bany Bracmowt is (he says himself) “frankly Pagan.” He thinks OrreL too serious for me, and advises me to marry at leisure. as | am quite sure, anyhow, to repent in haste. He wanted to a paragraph to the Post to say “ A marriage has been arranged, and will shortly be broken off, between Mr. Onre, Crampton and Miss | Gtapys Marrre.p, younger daughter,” and so on. Last night, when we were playing games, Oxret went out while we | thought of a word, and he got quite angry with me because I bad said the moon was “ vegetable’ and Ae said it was “‘ mineral.” He may be right, or he may not—I daresay he is—but still he need not be touchy, and refuse to play any more, and sulk all the evening. | am afraid | should not be happy with him. He collects postage | stamps, too, which depresses me dreadfully. Please write and tell me what to do—or rather, how to doit. Can one get abangle rivetted off? ... Ihave just heard that the Louyz Horrers and Captain Misurveton are coming to play tennis on Sunday! Of course, I shall show absolute indifference. I wired at onee to town for my new dress. Mrs, Horrex may as well see it. | Bas Beacmonr is always changing his clothes, and has two butten-holes sent down from London daily. He says he “intends to revive the gardenia.” ... Onret has just gone out for a ‘brisk | walk before dinner.” Aren't we utterly unsuited to each other ? Your loying fri P.8.—Js the moon mineral ? -_ ene am "| impossible for the public to form a settled THE GENERAL LITERARY REVIEW COMPANY, LIMITED. | CarrraL £100,000,000, mx 20,000,000 SHares or £5 Eacu, Tas Company has been formed to acquire, combine into one, and carry on the various old-established businesses of literary reviewing | hitherto carried on separately by Messrs. Anprew Lane (who will join the Board after tment), Granr Aten, W. E. Grapstove, D. Trams, T. P. O'Connon, Watter Besant, Exim Matnews, Joun Lane, Q., A.T.Q.C., Quitrer Coven, Ricnarp Le GaLtrenye, and others. All these gentlemen have consented to act as Directors. The advantages of the scheme are obvious. Hitherto critical opinion, as printed in the daily, weekly, and monthly has been so diversified as to make it ju ton books. For instance, a work may be described in one place as ‘* possess- ing in the highest degree the master quali- ties of brilliant humour and ound * thos”; while, in another notice, pub- Fished on the same day, it may be con- demned as ‘‘ an essay in stupid buffoonery which mistakes inversion for paradox, an makes meng of sentiment as laughable as its efforts at humour are melancholy.” P It is the intention of the Directors to ‘ change all this. Frequent Board-Meetings will be held, at which all books sent for review will be carefully considered, with a view to deciding how they shall be treated. The decisions thus come to will be carried out in a series of articles extending with absolute uni- formity over the whole field of contemporary literature. PROFITS. | The profits of the business to be thus carried on must be gigantic. After a careful inspection of the books of all British newspapers the | well-known accountants Messrs, Lecer aND BagLance have in-| formed the Directors that the gains of these papers from reviewing | and literary gossip alone amount to £10,632,009 12s. 7d. sageally. As! these papers will henceforth, on their literary side, be worked by the | Directors with all the latest improvements, even larger gains may be | looked for in the immediate future. BOOMING, ” ~— This department will be managed by a paragraphist of unriv experience, who will have under his orders a staff of skilled | assistants thoroughly instructed in the use of the new patent | mitrailleuse Boomerangs, ten of which will be fixed in the chief office | of the Company at No. 1, Log Rolls Yard. Literary shareholders to the amount of £500 and upwards will be entitled to a preferential | boom by way of bonus. BLUDGEON WORK. For this style of reviewing a separate department has been estab- lished, under the joint management of three well-known literary failures, Messrs. Scarstxey, Fister anp Guretey. By a careful imitation of the worst models, and by assiduously cultivating their own na coarseness, the managers anticipate very remarkable results, Style will be no object, but every worker in this depart- ment will be expected to provide his own rhinoceros hide and stock of allusions to Ranenais. All holders of less than three shares will come urder the operation of thisdepartment. The Company intend shortly, however, to issue £10 debentures, the owners of which will be per- mitted once a year to ballot for the privilege of reviewing the book of one of their friends. INSURANCE SCHEME, The Directors propose to organise a scheme of insurance against ile reviews and obdurate editors. For an annual payment of £2! | an insurer will be entitled to one favourable review during the year; for £30 he will be absolutely guaranteed against unfavourable criticism. A small y payment, varying according to age, will ea- title his widow to claim £1000 at his death u farnishing a certifi- cate, signed by Mr. Besant and the family doctor, that he died after reading an unfavourable notice of one of his books, All literary mes, | however, are recommended to subscribe £30 a year, thus obtaining 8 life-long immunity from depreciation. FEMALE BRANCH, This will be known as the “‘ George Department,” and will be con- trolled by four new women of advanced views. Cigeneties, lateh- keys, a summary of divorce court proceedings will be kept on the premises, Novels turned out while you wait. Mrs. Lyxw Luvros will not be admitted during office hours. Someraine New in Tue Daama.—Mr. Henry Irvine, it appears, has made a t bit in a one-part piece written by Dr. Cona¥ Dorie, entitled A Story of Waterloo. Probably Mr. J. L. Toot | will follow it up with 4 of Brandy-and- Waterloo, in which | our cheerful comedian will appear as a regular Wetter’un.

Page 15

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Octopmr 6, 1894. OF ALL DEALERS. IN COGNAC. FRERES’ FIRST QUALITY CHAMPAGHE. FERINC'S NEDA MEDAL CopENHAGEN (RERRY BRANDY. The Best liqueun _ GOLD PENS from 48. each. _ GOLD PENS PERFECT DIPPING PEN. GOLD PENS ) AND IRIDIUM POINTED. GOLD PENS FOR ANY HOLDER, GOLD PENS STING IN WEAR. GOLD PENS ES THE HANDWRITING. GOLD TIVE CURE FOR WRITER'S CRAMP GOLD 8 REGULARITY OF WRITING, SUIT EVERY HAND AND STYLE. e ann Parcs List of srriication. 1D, & BARD, Manufacturers of Gold Swan” Fountain Pens, 9, Cusarsivn, x: 5a, ly End). SQUIRE S ron GHEMIGAL DELICATE FOOD. CHILDREN. In Bottles, 2s., 3s. 6d., & Gs. each. ALL CHEMISTS AND STORES, and of SQUIRE & SONS, Majesty's Chemists, ‘ XFORD STREET, LONDON. TO SMOKERS. ip DE DINDICUL, i. iis". “te Saveur and aroma * Connoisseurs nee them better than Havannahs.’ a7 Reoent &racer, w Established 1845.) zen * dand 5), le.,postfree Iz stamps. BEWLAY, trand, & 143, Cheapside, London. Eat. 1790 HOWARD wan BEDFORD [PLOUGHS,]| ASPINALLS) ENA , PAE FAR, FAR AND AWAY THE BEST NICHT LICHTS. | Single Wicks, burn | niné hours each. In boxes containing eight Lights. 8}. per box. N.B.—No water) required. Protected CLARKE’S “PYRAMID” NURSERY-LAMP FOOD- WARMER. 3, 5/-, and 6/- each. All with registered Pannikins. | other Dangerous Material used in the mantifacture of | these Lights. CLAREE’S PYRAMID & FAIRY LIGHT 60., Ltd, CRICKLEWOOD, LONDON, N.W. Nors.— The genuine bears the Trade Mark “ACARIO.” £5 reward for information leading to conviction of infringers on conviction. Or att Hosrens anv Srones Eveavwarer. Whole sale of the leading Hosiery and Drapery Hi vuses. ‘weaaf *- id *. tmcsssmsnnet Sold only In l-ounce Packets, and *, 4. ounce, and |-Ib. Tins. which keep the Tobacco In fine smoking condition. Ask at all Tobacco Sellers’, Stores, &c., and take no other. SMOKERS ARE CAUTIONED ACAINST IMITATIONS. The Genuine bears the Trade-Mark, “ Nottingham Castle,” on every Packet and Tin. PLAYER'S WAVY CUT CICARETTES, in Packets and Tins only, containing 12, 24, 50, and 100. The following extract from the “ Review or Reviews,” Nov., 1800, is of interest to every Smoker THE PIPE IX THE WORKHOUSE.—The picture drawn 07 our Helper of the poor old fee | in ae workhouse, puffng awa E an sree Pre ns pee touched the hearts of some of our corresponden who dates from the High Alps, and st “Il have Deen struck with pon ma estion in the October umber of the i ey i248 for 4 scheme to ply emokers in Ghion © fears» ith tobacco am. afraid, judged by the ordinary standards, | am the most seifish of mortals, a6 | pees acent away 7-5 purposes of so-called charity but this scheme of yours appenis at once lo the ps jes of a hardened and inveterate smoker. Were | in London, | would at once starts collecting fanéd, and bevy contributions for it om my smoking acquaintances, DYt, un: = be a wanderer rotnd the Continent for the next nine i _ doe spe meale RS ma of what | consider the BEST SMOKING TORACOCO, vis, PLY "SRA cer '@uido io hes on covestionmenes i enciose, , & cheque for the amount. f “Old Screw.” sage or Ker THE GORDON HOTELS co., have contracted with Messrs. J. SCHWEPPE @ CO. (Lid.) for the entire supply of their Celebrated MINE- RAL WATERS (Soda Water, Potass, GS Setar, Lemonade, S the First éc.) at all their , Avenue and Metropole Motels, London, which will also be English and Continental cupplied exclusively wih SCHWEPPE'S Waters at expiration (next except Autumn) of a present con- tract, and where in the meantime they can be obtained (/ specially ordered. TO TRAVELLERS. Messrs. W. D. & H. O. WILLS have pleasure in calling the atten- tion of the Travelling Public to the fact that their ‘BEST BIRD'S EYE” and “‘ THREE CASTLES” TOBACCO can be obtained in the following Tewns in France: BORDEAUK—6 & 10 Passace Sanorr. HAVRE—@ Bourevarn pe Strraspounc. LYONS—7 Rus pe va Rervsiique. MARSEILLES—7 Rus pe Noaiies. NICE—Rvus pe Panis. PARIS—12 Bovrtvarn pes Carucines (Gaaxp Hore). 15 Pace pe 1a Bourse. MONTE CARLO—Piace pu Casivo And from the principal Tobacco- nists throughout GERMANY, SWITZERLAND, NORWAY and SWEDEN, HOLLAND, BEL- GIUM, RUSSIA, &c. PACKHAM’S TABLE WATERS ARE MADE WITH DISTILLED WATER. Manufactory, Croydon COLEMAN'S WINCARNIS, LIEBIC'S EXTRACT OF MEAT AND MALT WINE. Highest Award at the Chicago Exhibition. Scld Everywhere, in Bottles, 2s. 94. and 4s, 64. Over 2000 testimonials received from Medical Men. SOLE MANUPACTURKERS— COLEMAN & CO., Ltd. Norwich end London. Z /) S. MORDAN & ©OO.'S LEADS, POR REPLENISHING THE PATENT PENCIL. It A most important to the public that they be any attention to this articie these of the genuine make; for the wtility of the Patent Percii depends upon the | cade being of an exact and proper size, otherwise they will choke up the point of the pene |, and | Fender it useless A JOuN, 3B BRINSMEAD & SONS’ Iron Comenitan tea ee Fe, Actions Ac Are for Sele, H 7 10hx uuine ms. 16, 2%, and 72, Wiemont Gracer, Lexvos, W _ — a cctl L RIDGE S ‘Tmaltl Aa! Foo”

Page 16

| FRESH FRUIT JAMS

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Ocronzr 6, 1894.

' l BEST ao CHEAPEST, (S=eNES-J-0is ee SAUCE has been known for more than FIFTY YEARS a. ALL OVER THE WORLD. = | ASK FOR O 'LEA & PERRINS’ SAUCE, | And observe that ‘ | the Signature a ae ia in Blue Ink diagonally | across the OUTSIDE WRAPPER Ly Qe | Le =< FOR INFANTS, | Sold Wholesale uy Ae Doepitahied, Wesiesiie’ CROSSE & CHILDREN, BLACKWELL, I4., London; sad Export Oilmen generally. iy INVALIDS, | : and THE AGED. : Aig. Ne og WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCER § ASK YOUR GROCER FOR | || FRIC “ COMPANY'S . } GROSSE & BLACKWELL'S AND JELLIES, which are made from Freshly Gathered Fruits and Refined Sugar. GROSSE & BLACKWELL, LIMITED, SOHO SQUARE, LONDON. EXTRACT OF_BEEF

PERFECT ABSOLUTELY fe 7) GUARANTEED. |

Acknowledged by all competent authorities to be invaluable for making THE PUREST, CHEAPEST, AND BEST BEEF TEA. | Unsurpassed for Improving, Strengthening, and Flavouring Soups, Sauces, Gravies, and made Dishes, THE COMPANY'S COOKERY BOOK sent EXTRACT LIEBIG’S CT OF MEAT 9, Fenchurch Avenue, London, z.6

on ‘tay to — wa

Printed b: Aw, Stuart Smith, of No Loraine Road, Meleway, ta the Parish of St. , telington, in the of Middlesex, at the Ofices of Messrs. hredbury, 2 Co,, Limited, bard Direct, in the Prociact of Willetts te Cho nite at anon sna pubtished &} hinn't Bo. 80, Piece attest, te the Packs of Se Metal City of Landon -Serensct, "Sccloen 6, 10s.