Punch 1894-09-01: Vol 107 Iss 2773

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printed in Sepia, of containing the Portrait of the late Joun JOHN LEECH, Leech, 2” addition to the collection of FROM | PICTURES An excellent PORTRAIT, No. 12 of Picrures rrom “ Puncn,” PICTURES “ Pictures,” ts published this day. At 1s ei ven in No. 12. all Booksellers and Bookstalls. Price Cd. = PU NCH,” pf . ps Aas! oe —s ne “ la “~~

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I Sepremser 1, 1894.] * CONTRIBUTIONS THANKFULLY RECEIVED.” Lardy-Dardy Swell (who is wncertain as to the age of Ingénue he is addressing). ‘‘ You "RE GOING TO GIVE A Bat. WILL YOU PERMIT ME TO SEND you A Bovever! AND Is THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE?” Ingénue. ‘‘O, THANKS! Tue BovqvuEeT WOULD BE D&sLIGATFUL! AND "—(hesilating, then after some consideration)}—‘‘I’m suRE MAMMA WOULD LIKE THE Ices aAnp Sponer Caxkes |!” THE TALE OF TWO TELEGRAMS. ANOTHER DOLLY DIALOGUE, (By St. Anthony Hope Carter.) Tue vedauumng Seatane of the morning batch of letters was a short note from Lady Micktenam. Her ladyship (and Arcure) had come back to town, and the note was to say that I might call, in fact that I was to call, that afternoon. It so happened that I had two engage- ments, which seemed to make that impossible, but I spent a shilling in telegrams, and at 4,30 (the hour Dotty named) was duly ringing at the Mickleham town mansion. ‘*T’m delighted you were able to come,’ was Dotiy’s greeting. “I wasn’t able,” I said; “but I’ve no doubt that what I said in the two telegrams which brought me here will be put down to your | account.” “No one one truth in a telegram. The Post-Office people | themselves wouldn’t like it.” Dotiy was certainly looking at her very best. Her dimples (everybody has heard of Dotir’s Dimples—or is it Dotty Drwpte; but after all it doesn’t matter) were as delightful as ever. I was | just hesitating as to my next move in the Dialogue, which I badly | wanted, for | had promised my editor one by the middle of next week. The choice lay between the dimples and a remark that life was, after all, only one prolonged telegram. Just at that moment I noticed for the first time that we were not alone. Now that was distinctly exasperating, and an unwarrantable breach of an implied contract. | _ “Two's company,” I said, in a tone of voice that was meant to | indicate something of what I felt. ** So's three,” said Dotty, laughing, “if the third doesn't count.” ** Quod est demonstrandum,” “ Well, it’s like this. I observed that you’ve already published PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL %7 | twenty or so ‘Dolly Dialogues.’” (The dimples at this period were absolutely bewitching, but I controlled myself.) ‘‘ So it occurred to me that it was my turn to earn an honest penny. Allow me to introduce you. Mr. Brown, Mr. Canrer—Mr. Canter, Mr. Brown.” I murmured that any friend of Lady MickLenam’s was a friend of mine, whereat Mr. Broww smiled affably and handed me his card, from which I gathered that he was a shorthand writer at some address in Chancery Lane. Then I understood it all, I had exploited Dotty. DoLLy was now engaged in the process of ex- ploiting me. **T hope,” I observed rather icily, ‘* that you will choose a respectable paper.” ** You don’t mean that.” * Perhaps not. But if we are to have a Dialogue, perhaps we might begin. I have an engagement at six.” 4 elegraph, and put the contents down to t , my account. } noticed now that Dory had a pile of pa- | pers on her table, and that she was playing with a blue pencil. “Yes, Lady Micxienam,” I said, in the provisional way in which judges indicate to counsel that they are ready to : ** Well, I’ve Soa reading some of the Press Notices of the Dia- logues, Mr. CaRTER.” trembled. I remembered some of the things that had been said about Dotty and myself, which hardly lent themselves, it appeared to me, to this third part Tt. **T thought,” aened OLLY, ‘‘ we might spend the time in dis- cussing the critics.” et be delighted, if in doing that we shall dismiss the reporter Have you seen this? It’s from a Scotch paper—Scottish ? you suggest—well, Scottish. ‘The sketches are both lively and elegant, their lightness is just what people want in the warm weather.’”’ “It’s a satisfaction to think that even our little breezes are a source of cool comfort to our fzllow-creatures.”’ “* Here ’s another criticism, ‘It’s a book which tempts the ** It must have been something P ong said,” *** a book which tempts the reader to peruse from end to end when once he picks it up.’” *** Read at a Sitting: A Study in Colour. ** Please, Mr. Brown, don’t take that down.” **Thank you, Lady Micxienam,” said I, ** Litera seripta manet.” ** You are not the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Mr. Canter, and you must break yourself of the habit.” ** The next cutting ?” ‘The next says, ‘ For Mr. Carrer, the hero or reporter-—— **It’sacalumny. I don’t know a single shorthand symbol.” **Let me go on. ‘Reporter of these polite conversations, we confess we have no particular liking.’ ”’ **Tf you assure me you did not write this yourself, Lady Mickir- HAM, I care not who did.” “That, Mr. Brown,” said Doiiy, in a most becoming frown, ** must on no account go down.” n ,”” **When you have finished intimidating the Press, perhaps you will finish the extract.” “* His eynicism,’” she read, ** ‘ is too strained to commend him to ordinary mortals——’ ”’ ** No one would ever accuse you of being in that category.” ‘**____but his wit is undeniable, and his impudence delicious.’ Well, Mr. Canter?” ** T should like the extract concluded.” I knew the next sentence commenced—*' As for Dotry, Lady Micxienam, she outdoes all the revolted daughters of feminine fiction.” Then an annoying thing happened. Arcnir’s voice was heard, saying, ‘* Dotty, em nn finished that Dialogue yet? We ought to dress for dinner. It’l] take us an hour to drive there.” So it had been all arranged, and Arcuie knew for what I had been summoned. Yet there are compensations. Dotty sent the Dialogue to the only paper which I ha to edit. I regretfully declined it. But the fact that she sent it may peel oxne why I have found it so easy to give this account of what happened on that afternoon when I sent the two telegrams. The Cry of Chaos. “ Vive I’ Anarchie ?”—Fools! Chaos shrieks in that cry! Did Anarchy live soon would Anarchists die. One truth lights all history, well understood ,— Dicorder—like Saturn— devours its own brood. VOL. CVI,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Serremege 1, 1894

z£ q Ay Yi ZZ te “a ort Ca ny Zs dh yyy \ “4 - y Hy! i ) ‘ ~ IIH I mS. “i we ww +f > ~ Re bi UE by \\ ie \ , 4% cy \\\ it LM pe im SS } Al : — hf 2 i. t Be. Tatth . \ 3 ; AN Mh . \ \ NY bs W AN \ AK _ ‘Wa | = — \ m (mn ii hy | , } iil j HHH) J, j j / Ly LITEL ILE ye i | j i | | ' = =—— > . rt | | ) , j os | INTRUDE !” pen your Masrstizs, I nore i z ce) S o < 4 o we 4 Cromwell. ‘‘Now THEN,

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Sepremper 1, 1894.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 99 UNEARNED INCREMENT. Experienced Jock (during preliminary canter, to Stable-boy, who has been put up to make the running for him), ‘‘Now, Youna ‘uN, as SOON AS WE'RE OFF, YOU GO TO WORK AND MAKE THE Pace A HoT ‘UN!” Stable-boy (Irish). “‘ BEGoORRA THIN OI 'M THINKIN’ IT'S MESELF ROJDES THE RACE, AND YOU POCKETS ALL THE CREDIT o' Winwin’!” - What will White Rose fanati to this ? “ROOM FOR A BIG ONE!” "3 Stuartomaniacs will I ye not come wailing; as First Commis- | Or fill these aisles with one ious hiss Of angry scorn, one howl of bitter railing ? | To thin t CuaRr es the trickster, CHARLES | the droll, Should thus be hob-a-nobbed by red-nosed ot! Methinks I hear the black-a-vised one sneer Po bs, Sire, this is what I’ve long) (Mr. Hensert GLADsTonz, sioner of Works, informed the House that ‘no series of historical personages could be complete without the inclusion of Cromwe.t,’ and though he had no sum at his disposal for defraying the cost of a statue this year, Sir Wititam Har- court, as Chancellor of the Exchequer, had pro- mised to make the necessary provision in the Estimates for next year.”’—Spectator.] Room for the Regicide amongst our Kings? Horrible thought, to set some bosoms fluttering ! The whirligig of ‘time does bring some things To set the very Muse of History muttering. Well my the brewer's son, uncouth and rude, Murmur—in seorn—‘‘I hope I don’t intrude! If they had him, and not his statue, here Some other ‘ baubles’ might be ejected. Dark Smuarrony—I mean SaLispurY—might More than] his Veto, did he play the goose, “*He’d find perchance that Huntingdon was stronger Than Leeds with all its Programmes. Now Mortyrand liar, made comely by VANDYKE,- might vow And C - a the hireling, callous and | That —e should go on no salacious ? vg for Se yb Huntingdonian tyke| And that Obstruction he would check and Court spaniel and sleek Which would disturb Macattum Monre’s composure ; The Axe is yet more summary than the | Closure ! el Room, between Cuarces the fair and un- veracious,— To = esd? Surely that whirligig hath run full round! ees «- cast out !—among our Kings set (whiek were the true dishonour Nott | Your Majesties make room there—for a Man! Yes, after sev centuries of waiting, It seems that Smug Officialism’s plan A change from She next Session may be dating. You - A genial Hersert GLapsronr, May find “the funds, next year, for Crom- WELL’s Statue ! Room for a Big One! Well the Srvant pair ~~ =a on that stout shape as on a Subject for _ ‘England’ s sculptors ‘it is rare To find like that of Eng "s Great Pro- tector ; And he with ‘bigot folly is imbued Statute can Who deems that Cromwett’s intrude ! “OH, YOU WICKED STORY!” (Cry of the Cockney Street Child.) Speakine of our Neo-Neurotic and “* Per- sonal’’ Novelists, James Payn says: ** None of the authors ‘of these works are - tellers.” No, not in wit own poet, whole- some, stirring sense, —. Bat jane other naught y—and nasty-mi —children they “ tell stories’ in their own way ; big stories,” too, and “tales out oe school ” “As for the Commons—both with the Rad | | into the bargain. Having, like the Needy mi . uestion. ) ‘Rump’ Knife-grinder, no story (in the true sense) to The slee Srvarts well might shrug| And A ‘Tail’ alike he might deal ‘tell, they tell—well, let us say, tara-diddles ! artly He’d _ small mercy upon prig or pump ; I wonder what he ‘a think of B-wi-s and boalaant . - . it, Not wou reget © place | Deeced Of much beside Sir Harry and the Mase.” Make rowne for him? suggestion ! 0 ee Divine, most picturesque quaint How art rt thon fallen upon evil days! A monstrous, mad | | Truth i is stranger than even their fiction, ya it is not always so “ smart” or so * * risky ” a loose, long-winded, sopeat e l on personal literary “* lie whic a truth,” in three # 3 slangy, but ** smart ”—oh, yes, feidedie Uemart iLoheat J

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Szrremper 1, 1894. Lady Cantire (entering). Down already, ALsrnia ? I thought if I made haste I should get a quiet chat wit you before anybody else came in. What is that paper? Oh, the list of couples for Rupert. May I see? (4s Lady CoLvertn surrenders it My ny not going to inflict that mincing little Prttixer boy on poor Marsre! That really won't do, At least let her have somebody she’s used to. Why not Captain Tarceyesse ? He's an old friend, and she’s not seen him for months. I must alter that, if you’ve noobjection. (She does.) And then you’ve given my poor Poet to that Sratwane girl! Now, why? Lady Culverin. 1 thought she wouldn't mind putting up with him ust for one evening. Lady Cant. Wouldn't mind! Put- ting up with him! And is that how you speak of a celebrity when you are so fortunate as to have one to entertain ? Really, Avwrnta ! Lady Cule. Bat, my dear Romesta, you must allow that, whatever his talents may be, he is not—well, not quite one of Us. Now, is he? Lady Cant. (blandly). My dear, I never heard he had any connection with the manufacture of chemical manures, in which your worthy Papa so greatly distinguished himself—if that is what you mean. Lady Cule. (with some increase of colour). That is not what I meant, Ronrsts—as you know perfectly well. And I do say that this Me SPvuRRELL’s manner is most objectionable ; when he’s not obsequious, he ’s horribly familiar ! Lady Cant. sharply). I have not observed it. He strikes me as well enough—for that class of person. And it is intellect, soul, all that kind of thing that J value. I look below the surface, and I find a great deal that is very original and charming in this young man. And surely, my dear, if I tind myself able to associate with him, you need not be so fastidious! I conmder him my protég/, and I won't have him slighted. He is far too good for Vivien Srecwane! Lady Cule, (with just a suspicion of malice). Perhaps, Ronesia, you would like him to take you in’ Ledy Cant. That, of course, is quite out of the question. I see you have given me the Bishop—he’s a poor, dry stick of a man—never forgets he was the Headmaster of Swisham—but he’s always glad to meet me. I freshen him up so. Lady Calc. I really don’t know whom | can give Mr. Spcreett. There’s Raopa Coxayne, but she’s not poe- tieal, and she'll get on much better with Ancure Bearrark. Oh, 1 forgot Mrs. Brooxe-Caatrerts—she ’s sure to talk, at all events. Lady Cant. (as she corrects the list), A lively, agreeable woman she’ll amuse him. Now you can give Rupert the list. Sir Rupert and various members of the house-party appear one by one; Lord and Lady Lutiinetox, the Bishop of Bra- cuester and Mrs. Ropyrry, and Mr. and Mrs. Earwaxker, and Mr. SHorTHORN are announced at intervals ; salutations, recognitions, and commonplaces are erchanged. Lady Cant. (later—to the ishop, genially . Ah, my dear Dr. Kopwey, you and I haven't met since we had our great battle about -now, was it the necessity of throwing open the Public Schools to the lower classes—for whom of course they were originally intended—or was it the failure of the Church to reach the Working Man? I really forget. The Bishop (who has a holy horror of the Countess). I —ah—fear I cannot charge my memory so precisely, my dear Lady Cantrne. We—ah —differ unfortunately on so many subjects, I trust, how- ever, we may —ah—agree to suspend hostilities on this occasion ? b -— Lady Cant, (with even more bonhomie). Don't be too sure of that, LYRE AND LANCET. Bishop. I’ve several crows to pluck with you, and we are to go in (A Story in Scenes. to dinner together, you know! ’ PART IX.—THE MAUVAIS QUART D’HEURE. The Bishop. Indeed? I had no conception that such a pleasure : ' “ was in store for me! (Zo himself.) This must be the ce for Scewe XVI.—The Chinese Drawing Room at Wyvern, _ breaking my rule of never dining out on Saturday! vere—but Trwe—7.50. Lady CuLvERin is alone, glancing orer a written list. merited Lady Cant. 1 wonder, Bishop, if you have seen this wonderful volume of poetry that everyone is talking about— Andromeda ? The B ishop (conscientiously). I chanced only this morning, by way of momentary relaxation, to take up a journal containing a notice of that work, with copious extracts. The impression left on my mind was—ah—unfavourable; a certain talent, no doubt, some felicity of expression, but a noticeable lack of the—ah—reticence the discipline, the—the scholarly touch which a training at one “I'd rather a job to get these things on ; but theyre really a wonderful fit, considering ! ” of it—sound as a roach our great Public Schools (1 forbear to particularise), and at a University can alone impart. I was also pained to observe a crude discontent with the existing Social System—a system which, if not absolutely perfect, cannot be upset or even modified without the gravest danger. But I was still more distressed to note in several passages a decided taint of the morbid sensuous- ness which renders so much of our modern literature sickly and unwhole- some. Lady Cant, All prejudice, my dear Bishop; why, you haven’t even read the book! However, the author is staying here now, and I feel convinced that if you only knew him, you’d alter your opinion. Such an unas- suming, inoffensive creature! There, he’s just come in. I'll call him over here. ... Goodness, why does heshuffle along in that way ! Spurrell (meeting Sir Rupert). Ho I’ve kept nobody waiting for me, Si Rupert. (Confidentially.) I'd rather a job to get these things on; but they’re really a wonderful fit, con- sidering ! [He passes on, leaving hia host speechless. Lady Cant. That’s right, Mr. Spvr- RELL. Come here, and let me present you to the Bishop of Brecnester. The Bishop has just been telling me he considers your Andromeda sickly, or unhealthy, or something. I’m sure youll be able to convince him it’s nothing of the sort. [She leaves him with the Bishop, who is visibly annoyed. Spurr. (to himself, overawed), Oh, Lor! Wish I knew the right way to talk to a Bishop. Can’t call him no- thing—so doosid familiar. (Aloud.) Andromeda sickly, your—(tentatirely) —your Right Reverence ? Not a bit The Bishop. lf I had thought my —ah-—criticisms were to be repeated— I might say misrepresented, as the Countess has thought proper to do, Mr. Srvree.t, I should not have ventured to make them. At the same time, you must be conscious yourself, I think, of certain blemishes which would justify the terms I employed. Spurr. I never saw any in Andromeda myself, ness. You’re the first to find a fault in her. your—your Holi- i don’t rf there e tail, mayn't be something dicky about the setting and the turn of t but that’s a trifle. The Bishop. 1 did not refer to the setting of the tale, and the portions I object to are scarcely trifles. But end a discussion that is somewhat unprofitable. turns on his heel.) rdon me if I prefer to (To himself, as he A most arrogant, self-satisfied, and conceited young man—a truly lamentable product of this half-educated age! Spurr. (to himself). Well, he may be a dab at dogmas—he Drummy’s got a constitution worth a dozen know much about dogs. of his! don't Lady Culv. (approaching him). Oh, Mr. Spore rt, Lord Luiiine- Tow wishes to know you. me to do this sort of thing ! If you will as she leads him up to Lord L.) come with me. (Zo herself, I do wish Ronesta wouldn’t force [ She presents him.

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SerremBer 1, 1894.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 101

Lord Lullington (to himself). I I ought to know all about his novel, or w sieve it is he’sdone. (Aloud, with courthness.) Very pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr, SPURRELL ; you ’ve—ah— velighted the world y your Andromeda, When are we to look for a next production? Soon, I hope. Spurr. (to himsel, doggy lot in my li e! so many as it is, that I Lord Lull, (paternally). leave yourself as free as possible, you know. Spurr. (to himself). Give it! (sees) Er—well, my lord, I’ve promised yh ake may avi, my advice, my dear young man, you to give us your best, [He turns to continue a conversation, He won’t get it under a five- note, I can tell him. (He makes his way to Miss Sretwane.) I say, what do nm think the old Bishop’s FA, to? Pitching into Andromeda \ike the very says she ly! Miss Spelwane (to herself). He his li disappointments to me, not Maistre! (Aloud, with — - a 4 dreadfully unjust! Oh, I’ve dropped m —— trouble; I can pick it up. My arms are ~ lone, you know-like a kangaroo’ s—no, what is that animal which has such long arms? You're so clever, you ought to know! Spurr. I ouapere you mean a gorilla ! P Miss Spelw. How y ning dea you! But you must go away now, or else you'll find nothing to say to me at dinner—you take me in, you know. I hope you taal piven. I feel— But i if I told you, might make you too conceited Spurr. Oh, no, you wouldn’ .. [Sir Rupert approaches with Mr. SHortHory. Sir Rupert. Vivien, my dear, let me introduce Mr. SorrHoRN— Miss Spetwane. (To SPURRELL.) Let me see—ha—y qre tase Mrs. Cuatreris, Don’tknowher? Come this way, oun for you. [ He marches Saag ey <f Mr. Shorthorn (to Miss Spetwane). Good at last; a ite more of this dry a oak ing eed be have 47 - no grass to Miss Spelw. (who has not quite recovered — her disa ment). And now you will have some grass to speak of fortunate! Spurr. (as dinner is announced, to Lady Matsre). I sates Lege | t Marste, I’ve just been told I’ve ot to take in a married don’t know what to talk to her about. I should feel a home with you. Couldn’t we manage it rae = gt _Lady Maisie (to herself). What a raid, Me Src —but I must bath pt ¢snubhim! (Aloud.) I’ .. “afraid, r. SPURRELL, we How lot more at must both put up with the ae we have; most di isn’t —but ! he gives a ) ch o aptain Thicknesse (immediatel, cay her, to himse that’s pleasant ! I knew I’d er have gone to (Aloud.) I’ve been told off to take you in, Lady Marsre, not nt fault, don’t you know. L ody Maisie. There’s no need to be so apelogette | about it. (To herselj:) Oh, I hope he didn’t hear what I said to that wretch. Capt. Thick. Well, I rather thought there might be, perhaps. Lady Maisie (to herself). He did hear it. If he’s going to be 80 stupid as to misunderstand, I’m sure I ’t explain. [ They take their place i in the procession to the Dining Hall,

RATIONAL DRESS. (A Reformer's Note to a Current Controversy.) On, ungallant must be the man indeed Who “ nine women out of ten” ** knock- ni : And a should not remain in peace for WwW hom says ** the nether limbs of women” are Such are the arguments designed to prove That Woman’s ill-advised to make a move To mannish clothes. These arguments are suc As to be of the kind that prove too much. - If Woman’s limbs in trath uns hapely grow, The present style of dress just makes them so!

QUEER QUERIES.—A Question or Texms.—I am sometimes allowed, by the kindness of a , to see a newspaper, and I have just read that some scientific cove says that man’s natural life is 105 years. Nowisthis true? I want to know, because I am in here for what the Judge called ‘‘ the term of my natural life,” and, if it is to last f wavheer | mghel yg end oy ly swi I say it — , a? I hope the Governor will | Princetown, ron. —No. 67. Ho's wer 6 yaa nowt Never met such 8/ had grown

answers to Her Majesty’s eae] IN THREE VOLUMES. Votvme I,—Awakening. AnD so the work was done. Betrovpa, after a year’s hard writing, had completed her self ted task. Douglas the Doomed One by degrees into its t — First the initial vlan ws was completed ; then second was finished; and now the third ' ready for the printer’s hands. But who should have it? Ah, there was the rub! Betovpa knew no publishers and had no influence. How she get anyone to take the novel up? And if she was to believe the Author, t ~" ) ety of ox room for untried talent. ccording to that interesting periodica publishers wee ponany on the Why ont for —— | should she — try ryt of Moor BINDING AND Paint? She made u hard, and 7 * they shall do it! Douglas the Doomed One a or 2 e assistance of Messrs. Binpine anp Part!” when. ties made up her mind to do anything, not wild x. i. would turn her from her purpose, Votume Il,— Wide Awake. Messrs. Brypinc and Print had received their visitor with courtesy. They did not require to read Douglas the Doomed One, They had discovered that it was sufficiently long to make the regula- tion three volumes, That was all that was necessary. They would aogee They would be happy to publish it. * about terms ! ?’” murmured BELINDA. ** Half profits,” returned Mr. Buxpuxe, with animation. ** When we have paid for the outlay we shall divide the residue,’ | Met Mr. Par “And do peed think I shall soon get a cheque?” asked the anxious au * Well, Cot is a question not easy to answer. You see, we usually FP mph aay a — we make in advertising. It does the work ugh at first it rather checks the protits.”’ go was took her ure, “We must fm Douglas the ymed One in the Skate- maker's Quertersy Mag Magazine,” said Mr, Bixpen. “ And in the g Sweeper’s Annual,” wd Mr, Paryr. Then the two partners "wil at one another nome, They | motion as they remembered that of b both the periodi they had mentioned they were the proprietors. Vorume III.— Fast Asleep. hot Biocns-en- lina, moaned. He had been prac-

oe She set her face tial “ms fe for «month, gna pething could send Biss be soap. = Pima wus ns be tel to toatl Goats ot his pulse —t- aloe ** And you have mo friends, no relatives ?”’ the man who brought that box of ** There may yet be con- hl} epprosshing it H n. He soll ote the wdnes im- “No. My only visitor was books from a metropolitan tan li ** A box of books! ” exclaimed the the Doctor. time to save his life!’ The man of science rose a! ro the day taining the current literature day, h y inspected its contents. He t patiently until he reached a set. “ The v 1” he murmured, ‘If I can but get him to read this he will be saved.” Then turning to his patient he continued, ** You should peruse thisnovel. It is one that I recommend in cases such as yours. **T am afraid I am past reading,” returned the invalid. ‘* How- ever, I will do my best.” An later the Doctor (who had had to make some calls) re- turned and found that his patient was seeping vonest ppaasbelly The first volume of Douglas the Doomed One had esired result, ** Excellent, excellent,” murmured the medico. *“ It had the same effect upon another of my patients. The crisisisover! He will now seoover lie the other. Insomnia has been conquered for the second time by Douglas the Doomed One, and who now shall a that the three-volume novel of the amateur is not a means of spreading civilisation? It must be a mine of wealth to somebody. And Mesers, Buxprne anp vem had they heard the Doe stor’s re- mark, would have opens wine bi im!

All the Difference. “ Tue Sreaxer then called Mr. Lrrrie to order.” Quite right in our wise and most vigilant warder. He calls us to order! Oh that, without fuss, The Speaker could only call Order to us!

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_PUNCH, OR THE I SNDON CHARIVARI. [Serremper 1, 1894. i] | i es ‘y | oR fal { “My rore Yannir's peap!” ** How sap!” | | RES ANGUSTA DOMI. (Jn a Children’s Hospital.) **DADDA KILLED my poRE Yapsit in Back KitcHen !” ‘I sap TaTerRs wiv My porE YassiT!” ‘On pear!” “A LITTLE TOO PREVIOUS!” “ | desire to submit that this is a very great question, which will have to | determined, but upou a very different ground from that of the salaries of | the officers of the House of Lords. .. . f there is to be a contest between | he House of Lords and the House of Commons, let us take it upon higher ground than this.”.—Sir William Harcourt | Tere was a little urchin, and he had an old horse-pistol, Which he rammed with powder damp and shots of lead, lead, lead ; and he cried “ I know not fear! I'll go stalking of the deer For this little cove was slightly off his head, head, head. This ambitious little lad was a Paddy and a Rad, And himself he rather fancied as a shot, shot, shot ; And he held the rules of sport, and close season, and, in short, The ** regulation rubbish ” was all rot, rot, rot. He held a “ bird” a thing to be potted on the wing, Or perched upon a hedge, or up a tree, tree, tree ; And, says he, * If a foine stag I can add to my small bag, A pistol or a Maxim will suit me, me, me! And so upon all fours he would crawl about the moors, To the detriment of elbows, knees, and slack, slack, slack ; And he says, ** What use a-talking’ If I choose to call this ‘ stalk- ing, And J bag my game, who's going to hould me back, back, back ’” Savas he, ** | 'm game to shoot a fox, or spear a stag, stag, stag ; Nay For wid me it 's just a question of the bag, bag, bag ! . 1’d net, or elub, a salmon; your old rales of aon are gammon, I scoff at raisons, and stale talk of toimes and saisous ; | | There are omadhauns, I know, who would let a foine buck go Just bekase ‘twas out of toime, or they 'd no gun, gun, gun ; But if oi can hit, and hurt, wid a pistol—or a squirt By jabers, it is all the betther fun, fun, fun! | So he seurryfunged around with his stomach on the ground For stalking seems of crawling a mere branch, branch, branch). And he spied “a stag of ten,” and he cri *Hurroo! ‘Now then, I fancy | can bit him—ir the haanch, haunch haunch ' 7 Faix! | This is not the time or dressing, All-Wrong Women don’t! I'll bag that foine Stag Royal, or at any rate oi ‘ll troy all The devoices of a sportshman from the Cisle, Oisle, Oisle. One who ’s used to shoot asprawl from behoind a hedge or wall, At the risks of rock and heather well may smoile, smoile, smoile !” our sportsman bold, though silly, by a stalwart Highland gillie, Was right suddenly qronsted ere he fired, fired, fired.— “ Hoots! If you'll excuse the hint, that old thing, with lock of int, Asa weapon for this sport can’t be admired, mired, mired ! ae = not bring down that quarry, your horse-pistol! Don’t you That Royal Stag we ’ll stalk, boy, in good time, time, time ; But to pop at it just now, and kiek up an awful row, Scare, and miss it were a folly, nay a crime, crime, crime! ‘* Be you sure ‘ Our Party’ will this fine quarry track and kill ; Our guns need not your poor toy blunderbuss, buss, buss. —_ for a-following up ‘this chase ; So just clear out and leave this game to us, us, us! IN MEMORIAM. [Baron Munvy, the founder of the valuable Vienna Voluntary Sanitary Ambulance Society, mighty foe of disease and munificent dispenser of charity, shot himself on poets, August 23, on the banks of the Danube, at the advanced age of 72 GREAT nation leader and reformer, Disease’s scourge potent pest-house stormer ; Successful foe of cholera aforetime, Perfecter of tield-ambulance in war-time ; Dis papegans of of 1 fortune in large charity ; heroes are in sooth a rarity. kien that you in death should shock Dame Gronpr! That we should sigh ** Sic transit gloria Monpy! A Crornes Diviston (or Oprnton).—It is said that Woman can- not afford to alter her style of dress, since her limbs are “ all wrong. Clear, therefore, that however much Woman’s W rongs need re-

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AW ‘ON ‘ON» *‘La-0u-HH i dv iRKIH LYOH LNOM LVHL NOA GAVAT LSOA ‘SQ OL WI “ SNOIAGYd OOL WILLIT V,, co | : NOGNO! 3HL WO ‘HONDd ‘P6ST “1 YRENQLEIS—TYVAIN VO

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Serremper 1, 1894.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 105 | | Q. E. D. Master, | must apologise, but our Butler, who is on trial, is very short-sighted, P. Guest. Evidently. [The wine is brought round; Mowtaeu in- terrupting the conversation with his hos- pita suggestions, and pouring claret into champagne glasses, and champagne into sherries. Nervous Guest (in an undertone to Mox- Tacv). Do you think you could get me, by- and-by, a piece of bread ? : Mon, Bread, Sir, yessir! In stentorian tones.) Here, Nispet, bring this gent some bread! [The unfortunate quest, who is overcome with confusion at having attracted so much attention, is waited upon by Nisner. Master (savagely), Can't you go about more quietly ? Mon. ——e. Certainly, Sir. When I was with Sir Barnany—— (Disappears murmur- ing to himself, and returns with entrée, which he lets fall on dress of Principal Guest), Beg pardon, my Lady, but it was my stud, which would come undone, Very sorry, indeed, Mum, but if you will allow me [Produces a soiled dinner-napkin with a flourish, P. Guest (in much alarm), No thanks! [General commiseration, and, a little later, disappearance of ladies, After this, Montaau does not reappear except to call obtrusively for carriages, and tout Sor tips. P.. Guest (on bidding her host good-night). [ can assure you my gown was not injured in the least. I am quite sure it was only an accident. Master (bowing). You are most kind. With great severity.) As a matter of fact, the man only came to us this afternoon, but, after what has happened, he shall not remain in my service another hour! I shall dismiss him to-night ! [Exit Principal Guest. Master pays Mon- TAGU the agreed fee for his services for the evening. Curtain. TO A PHILANTHROPIST. You ask me, Madam, if by chance we meet, For money just to keep upon its feet That hospital, that we A or that retreat, That home. I help that hospital ? My doctor’s fee Absorbs too much. Alas! I cannot be An inmate there myself; he comes to me At home, Do not suppose I have too close a fist. Rent, rates, bills, taxes, make a fearful list ; | I should be homeless if I did assist Wat's up wi’ Sat?” ‘*Arn’T yeR Env? Sae’s MARRiep aciy!” “ AUXILIARY ASSISTANCE” IN THE PROVINCES. (A Tragedy-Farce in several painful Scenes, with many unpleasant Situations. ) Locatiry—The Interior of Country Place taken for the Shooting Season. Pre- parations for a feast in all directions, It is Siz o’ Clock, and the household are eagerly waiting the appearance of Mon- Tacu Marmapvke, the Auxiliary Butler, and—— Master. Very well, I daresay you will do. | I suppose you know about the wine ? Mon. Yessir. Incourse. I’ve been a tee- totaler ever since I left Sir Barnany’s. Master (retiring). And mind, donot murder the names of the guests. Exit. [The time goes on, and Company arrive. Montaev ushers them upetairs, and an- - - - ‘| ca nounces them under various aliases. Sir sent in by Contract. Enter Montacvu| | Henry EIsrerropp is wntroduced as Sir MARMADUKE, in comic erening dress. | . *Ewany Easrennoe, &c., $c. After small Master (looking at Moxtacu with an ex- | talk, the quests find their way to the presston of disappointment on his face). What dining-room. are you the man they have sent me ? Mon, (to Principal Guest). Do you take | Montagu. Yessir. And I answers to Mon- sherry, claret, or ’ock, my Lady ? TAGU MARMADUKE, or some gentlemen prefers| Principal Guest (interrupted in a conver- to call me by my real name Bryxs, | sation). Claret, please. Master, Oh, Mowrtaav will do. I hope you | [Montaev any ours the required liquid | know your duties ? on to the table-clot That home. st—it is my impecunious lot— ; ae ae _Mon4Which_ 1 was in service, Sir, with | Economise the little I have got ; Sir Barnapy Jinks, for twenty-six years, | So if I see you coming lam “ not At home.” My clothes are shabby. How I should be dunned By tailor, hatter, hosier, whom I’ve shunned, If I supported that school clothing fund, That home! I'd help if folks wore nothing but their skins ; is hat, this coat, at which the street-boy grins, ; : : Remind me still that ‘‘ Charity begins At home.” Kiss versus Kiss. On the cold cannon’s mouth the Kiss of Peace Should fall like flowers, and bid its bellow- ings cease !— But ah! that Kiss of Peace seems very far From being as strong as the Hotchkiss of War!

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THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 1, 1894. ) el i i I ; Ht 4 QUALIFIED ADMIRATION. “Wet, JOMN, WHAT DO You THINK or Lonpon?” BLESS YER, Str, iT "Lt we A Fine PLace wasw ir’s Finisuzp!” PACE FROM “ROSEBERY'’S HISTORY OF THE COMMONWEALTH.” With Mr. Punch's Compliments to the Gentleman who wv ‘ that statue.”’) “You really must join the Army,” said the stern old Puritan to the Lord Protector. “The fate of this fair realm of England depends upon the promptnese with which you assume command.” Ottver Cromweit paused. He had laid aside his buff doublet. and had donned a coat of a thinner materie]. His sword also was | gone, and hanging by his side was a pair of double spy-glasses—new in those days—new in very deed “I cannot go,” cried the Lord Protector at last, ‘‘ it would be too great a sacrifice,” ill have to design ** You said not that,”’ pursued Inrron—for it was he—** when you called upon CHARLES to lose his head.” “ But in this case, good sooth, I would wish a head to be won, or the victory to be by a head ;”’ and then the Uncrowned King laughed long and heartily, as was his wont |/ when some jest tickled him. “This is no matter for merriment,” ex- claimed Ingrown sternly. ‘‘ Otrver, you are playing the fool. You are sacrificing for pleasure, business, duty.” ** Well, I cannot helpit,” was the response. ‘ But mind you, Inetow, it shall be the last time.” ** What is it that attracts you so strongly ? What is the pleasure that te you away from the path of duty ?” a will tell you, and then you will pity, | with my letter and the question gene | perchance forgive me. To-day my horse runs | at Epsom. ith luck his chance is a cer- |tainty. So farewell.” Then the two old friends grasped hands and parted. One went to fight on the blood-stained field of battle, and the other to see the race for the Derby. ON A CLUMSY CRICKETER. At TrseErtoes his Captain rails As one in doleful dumps ; Oft given ‘‘ leg before ’’—the bails, Not bat before—the stumps. The Genevese Professor Yune Believes the time approaches When man will lose his legs, ill-slung, Through trams, cars, cabs, and coaches; Or that those nether limbs will be The merest of survivals. The thought fills TrxxseRTors with glee, No more he ’ll fear his rivals. ** Without these bulky, blundering pegs I shall not fail to score, For if a man has got no legs, He can’t get ‘ leg-before.’ ” SITTING ON OUR SENATE. Srr,—It struck me that the best and sim- | plest way of finding out what were the inten- tions of the Government with regard to the veto of the Peers was to write and ask each individual Member his opinion on the sub- ject. Accordingly I have done so, and it seems to me that there is a vast amount of significance in the nature: of the replies I have received, to anyone capable of reading between the lines; or, as most of the com- munications only extended to a single line, let us say to anyone capable of reading beyond the full-stop. rd Rosepery’s Secretary, for example, writes that “the Prime Minister is at present out of town”— at present, you see, but obviously on the point of coming back, in order to grapple y: Sir Wittrm Harcorxt, his Secretary, writes, “is at Wiesbaden, but upon his return your communication will no doubt receive his attention” —receire his attention, }an ominous phrase for the Peers, who seem hardly to realise that between them and ruin there is only the distance from Wiesbaden to Downing Street. Then Mr. Morey “‘sees no reason to alter his published opinion on the subject ’—a/ter, how readily, by the prefixing of a single letter, that word becomes halter! I was unable to effect per- sonal service of my letter on the ArroryEy- GENERAL, possibly because I called at his chambers during the Long Vacation ; but the fact that a card should have been attached to his door bearing the words ‘‘ Back at 2 p.m.” surely indicates that Sir Jonn Riesy will back up his leaders in any approaching attack on the fortress of feudalism! Then surely the circumstance that the other Ministers to whom my letters were addressed hare not as yet sent any answer shows how seriously they the situation, and how disinclined they are to commit themselves to a too hasty reply! In fact, the outlook for the House of as judging from these Ministerial communica- tions, is decidedly gloomy, and I am inclined to think that an Autumn Session devoted to abolishing it is a most probable eventuality. Yours, Fussy-cuss ExspecTans, Sie,—The real way of dealing with the Lords is as follows. The next time that they want to meet, cut off their gas and water! Tell the butcher and baker not to call at the House for orders, and dismiss the charwomen who dust their bloated benches. If this doesn’t bring them to reason, nothing will. Hieu-mixnvep Democrat.

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Sepremper 1, 1894.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIL. 107 IN PRAISE OF BOYS. (By an “‘ Old One.”’) ‘A Mother of Boys,” angry with Mr. James Payw for his dealings with “that barbarous race,” suggests that as an amend: honorable he should write a book in praise of boys.] Ly praise of boys In praise of boys Who mess ae house, and make a noise, And break the peace, and smash their toys, And dissipate domestic joys, Do everything that most annoys, The Boss and Briitys, Ratpus and Roys ?— Just as well praise a hurricane, The buzzing fly on the wia- ow-pane, [pig ! An earthquake or a routing No, young or old, or small or ig, scourge, A boy’s a pest, a plague, a A dread domestic demiurge W ho brings the home to chaos’ verge. The only reason I can see For praising him is—well, that e, {tum ran— As WorpswortH—so his dic- —— is ‘father to the nota wed in the better plan | Would be that he, calm, sober, | (age! Sage, Were—born at true paternal| He. ay, MI iM i, Li it 4 41 pe 4 y =, Af A LITTLE “NEW WOMAN.” Did all boys start at twenty- T#*™, AND Women Mayn’r ask Men!” She ‘* WHAT A SHAME IT Is THAT Men mAY Ask Women To MARRy he. “‘OH, WELL, You KNow, I sUPPOSE THEY CAN ALWAYS GIVE A SORT THE PULLMAN — (Ain—*' The Low-backed Car.”) I natuenr like that Car, Sie, Tis easy for a ride, But gold galore May mean strife and gore, If tis stained with greed and pride, [lightful, Though its comforts are de- And its pene made with There’s a a opt sits belide That I'd 5 my ae As I ride in ethe f allman Car ; And of wrath and war, And of hes s mad cheers, Seem to sound in my ears As I ride in the Pullman Car! QUEER QUERIES.—"*8cr ence Farsety So CaLurp.” —What is this talk at the British Association about a ‘new gas”? Isn’t the old good enough? My connection as a shareholder—with ese _ of our leading gas com enables me to state aut orite. tively that no new gas is re- quired by the public. I am surprised that a nobleman like | Lord Rayteton should even attempt to make such a tho- mre useless, and, indeed, revolutionary discovery. It is enough to tarn anyone into a democrat at onee, And what was Lord SALispury, as a Con- servative, doing, in allowing such a subject to be mooted at five I were the happiest “Boy” °F Hur: fa He, ‘‘Wuat DO YoU MEAN BY A Hint?” pong Lil > in nn ae = alive! She. *“* WELL—THEY CAN ALWAYS 8Ay, ‘Og, I po Love you so!'” the meter ? INDIONANT. | INVALIDED! OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. From Henry Sorneran & Co. (so a worthy Baronite reyorts) comes a second edition of Game Birds and Shooting Sketches, by Jomn Goriie Mitta, Every sportsman who is something more than a mere yy ao Se oy & - rg oe are wonderfully de- licate, and, so far as I can judge, re- markably accurate. He has a ~ touch for plu and renders wi oo ordinary success the * British “game-bind ri game- in a the privacy of his own peculiar haunts. I am glad the public have t shown themselves sufficiently appreciative to warrant Mr. Mi1- LaIs in pu forth a second edition of a book which is the beautifal and artistic result of very many —- of patient and careful oO ion. By the way, there is an illus- tration of a Blackcock Tournament, which for knock-about primitive humour, as as a a - rally by-the- wa we we eet Connie ~hasiieik of the z, as Mur- LAIs spells it? ly it is rather wanton thus to annihilate the pride of the who knew what was what, and never pronounced the z. If you take away the z te ake away all merit from him. Perhaps r. Mritais will consider the matter in his edition. Tae Barow vz B.-W. WET-WILLOW, A Soxe or A Storry Seasoy, (By a Washed-Out Willow- Wielder.) —* Titwillow.” oe the dull, aie pavilion a popular “* Bat” | «Willow, wet-willow, wet-willow ! Andy “Oh! great slogger, pray what Am - at, Singing Willow, wet-willow, wet-willow’’ Is it lowness of average, batsman,” I cried ; Or a bad * brace of ducks’ that has lowered your pride?” With a low-muttered swear- word or two he rephi * Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow!” He said ‘‘ In the mud one can’t score, anyhow, Singing willow, wet-willow, wet-willow ! Thal e are raisin ng & deuce of # row, give I w, wet-willow I bo been waiting all | day i in these flannels— they ’re damp The epectatos impatiently shout, shriek, = But a ~~ you see, cannot pay, y with 4 Oh willow, while, wet-wi “* Frew 3 fer jest os onze cn I om fet my name ’t willow, wet-willow, w The people wil went ta 1 ant play the Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow ! My spirits are low and my scores are not But day after day we’ve soaked turf and And Ishan’t have 0 chance till the wickets Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow !!!” Deplorable Result o the Forecast of Aug. 23 on the * “D. ¥ " Weather Girl. hogy se Forucast. ies warmer. WAnninos.—None issued. ACTUAL me g cats dogs. Moral.—Wear a mackintosh over your classical costume. A Question of ‘‘ Rank.” ** Hrs Majesty King Gross, noblest of game!" So toasted Host Replied the Guest, with dryness, “I think that in this house the fitter name Would be His Royal Highness /”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Sepremper 1, 1894. —> | ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, August 20,—Asuugapd-BaRTLETT Knight) is the Casantanca of Front Opposition Bench, All but he have fled. Now his opportunity; will show jealous colleagues, | watchful House, and interested country, how a party should be led. Had an innings on Saturday, when, in favourite character of Dompter of British and other Lions, he worried Under Secretaries | for Foreign Affairs and the Colonies. Didn't get much out of them. | In fact what happened seems to confirm quaint theory Sarx ad vances. Says he believes those two astute young men, Epwarp Grey and Sypwey Buxror, * control” the Shefield Knight. They are active and ambitious. Still only juniors. Moreover, things are managed so well both at Foreign Office and Colonial Office that they have no opportunity of distinguishing themselves. The regular re ta- tives on the Front Opposition Bench of Foreign Affairs and Colonies say nothing; patriotically acquiescent in ma ent of concerns in respect of which it is the high tradition of English statesmanship that the political game shall not be played. In such circumstances no opening for able young men. Bat, suppose they could induce some blatant, irresponsible person, persistently to put ess questions, and make insinuations derogatory to the character of sritish statesmen at home and British officials abroad’ Then they step in, and, amid applause on both sides of House, knock over the intruder, Sort of game of House of Commons nine-pins. Nine-pin doesn’t care so that it’s noticed ; admirable practice for young Parliamentary Hands. This is Sarx’s suggestion of explanation of phenomenon. Fancy much simpler one might be found. To-night Bartierr- Extis in better luck. Turns upon ATTORNEY - GENERAL ; darkly hints that escape of Janez was a put-up job, of which Law Officers of the Crown might, an’ they would, disclose some interesting particulars. Riory, who, when he bends his step towards House of Com- mons, seems to leave all his shrewdness and knowledge of the world in his chambers, rose to the fly; played Basuwean- ArTLeTTs obvious game by getting angry, and delivering long speech whilst progress of votes, hitherto going on swimmingly, was arrested for fully an hour. Business done,— Supply voted with both hands. Tuesday.—A precious sight, one worthy of the painter’s or sceulptor’s art, to see majestic figure of Seurre or Matwoop standing between House of Lords and imminent destruction. Irish | members and Radicals opposite have sworn to have blood of the Peers. | Sack or Queen Awne’s Gate is taking the waters elsewhere. In his | absence do the best we can. Sat up all last night, the Radicals | trying to get at the Lords by the kitchen entrance; Seurre | withstanding them till four o'clock in the morning. Began again to- night. Education Vote on, involving expenditure of six millions | and welfare of innumerable children. Afterwards the Post Office | Vote, upon which the Postmaster-General, Sr. Annotp-Le-Granp, endeavours to reply to Henniker-Heaton without betraying con- sciousness of bodily existence of such a person. These matters of great and abiding interest ; but only few members present to discuss them. The rest waiting outside till the lists are toned and battle rages once more round citadel of the Lords sullenly sentineled by detachment from the Treasury Bench. When engagement reopened Sevrre gone for his holiday trip, potpeass by the all-night sitting, Jonn i on guard. Breaks orce of assault by protest that the time is inopportune. By-and-by the Lords shall be handed over to tender mercies of gentlemen below gangway. Not just now, and not in this particular way. Carer SeckeTaRY remembers famous case of absentee landlord not to be in- timidated by the shooting of his agent. So Lords, he urges, not to be properly punished for throwing out Evicted Tenants Bill by having the salaries of the charwomen docked, and Brack Rop turned out to beg his bread. Radicals at least not to be denied satisfaction of division. Salaries of House of Lords staff secured for another year by narrow majority of 31. Business done.—Nearly all. Tue Iueentat SuHerrietp Nrive-Pr. Invaluable to Budding Statesmen. Wednesday.—The Squire or Matwoop at last got off for his well- earned holiday. Carries with him consciousness of ing done supremely well amid difficulties of peculiar complication. As JoserH in flush of unexpected and still unexplained frankness the Session will in its accomplished work beat the record of any in modern times. The Squire been admirably backed by a rare team of colleagues ; but in House of Commons everythi on the Leader. Had the Session been a failure, upon his : fallen obloquy. As it has been a success, his be the praise. “ Well, good bye,” said Joun Mortey, tears standing in his tender eyes as he wrung the hand of the almost Lost Leader, ‘* But ou know it’s not all over yet. There's the A tion Bill. at shall we do if Were comes up on Second Reading?” **Oh, dam Werr,”’ said the Seurar. Jomw Morteyr inexpressibly shocked. For a moment thought a usually equable temper had been ruffled by the almost continuous work of twenty months, culminating in an all-night sitting. On reflection he saw that the Seurre was merely adapting an engineer- ing phrase, describing a ing common eno on river courses. The ay yest on which remark open to criticism is that it is tautological. . Business done.—Appropriation Bill brought in. Thursday.—Grorct Newnes looked in just now ; much the same as ever; the same upied, almost pensive look ; a mind i down by ever-multiplying circulation. Troubled with consideration of proposal made to him to pu lish special edition of Strand Magazine in tongue standed of the majority of the peoples of India. Has conquered the English- ing race from ttanooga, from Southampton to Sydney. Now lo! the poor Indian his annas, and begs a boon. 1 Meanwhile one of the candi- dates for vacant Poet Laureate- ship has broken out into verse. ‘‘ Newwes,”’ he exclaims, “‘ Newnes, noble hearted, shine, for ever shine ; Though not of royal, yet of hal- lowed line.” That sort of thing would make some men vain. There is no couplet to parallel it since the famous one written by Pore on a place frequented by a Sovereign whose death is noto- rious, a place where Great Anna, whom three realms obey, {sometimes tea. Did sometimes counsel take and The poet, whose volume bears the peed humble pseudonymn “ A Village Peasant,” should look in at the House of Commons continue his studies. There are a many of us here worth a poet's attention. Sarx says the thing is easy enough. ‘“‘Toss’em off in no time,” says he. ‘* There’s the Sqcire now, who has not lately referred to his Plantagenet perentese. Apostrophising him in Com- mittee on Evicted Tenants Bill one might have said :— Savrre, noble hearted, shine, for ever shine ; Though not of hallowed yet of royal line.” Business done.—Appropriation Bill read second time. Weir turned up. Sir Wrtrarp Lawson and others said ‘* Dam.” Saturday.—Appropriation Bill read third time this morning. Prorogation served with five o’clock tea. z Blow ** Parleyment!”’ said one of the House of Commons waiters loitering at the gateway of Palace Yard and replying to inquiring visitor from the country. ‘* Parleyment’s horff.” So am I. Business done,—All, TO DOROTHY. (My Four-year-old Sweetheart. ) To make sweet hay I was amazed to find You absolutely did not know the way, i Though when you did, it seemed much to your mind To make sweet hay. We wandered out. It was a perfect day. I asked if I might teach you. You were kind Enough to answer, “* Why, of course, you may.” I kissed your pretty face with hay entwined, We made sweet hay. Bat what will Mother say If in a dozen years we 're still inclined To make sweet hay ?

Page 15

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