Punch 1894-05-19: Vol 106 Iss 2758

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Bel? F | lssekeEies? PEAS! oF ames F 2 = er S38 ill i sf. Mar 19, 1894.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 229 MANNERS AND CUSTOMS. (Being a Series of Private Letters on these and other Subjects.) furious.... Dear me, what a lot of things there are that I want to talk to you about. Do let me know when you can come, Bother the Biacpens; this is the second bad turn they’ve done me; they secured my favourite cousin Berry, the girl I’ve often told you No. Il.—From Lapy Maser Hunter, Pertranp Hawz, Hants, yo for the same party. I hope it'll be deadly dull! No, I to THE Hon. Victor Maypew, Wartr’s Civs, Lonpox, Dear Mr, Maypew, on’t, because of poor you and Berry. Do cultivate her acquaint- ance. She really is charming, and so very original—I mean original, December 5,189—. inasmuch as she’s actually only a thoroughly nice, good girl, per- What a disappointment! I can't get over it; for apart from the fectly happy at home, and without a vocation, or even any desper- pleasure it always gives Mother and me to see you, we had quite ately salient characteristic, save charme. counted on you to play host for us; my eldest brother has his own shoot, and Roto is recruiting at Valles- eure after the fatigues and dis- appointments of the election. I have got Mother with me just new on a long visit; she so looked forward to seeing you again. “Dear Mary's boy,” she said; ‘she and I were such friends, and called each other ‘Araminta’ and ‘ Ervrra’ in our letters—girls were romantic in those days—and then we were maids of honour together, and the dear Queen used to enjoy duets. Mary and I both learned the harp from CHatrer- ToN ; nowadays girls learn the trumpet and the cornet I believe.” I am afraid Mother doesn’t much like the latter-day girl: neither the desperately earnest type with a | mission to the Boot-black Brigade | and a disregard of all home duties, | nor—worst of all—the Miss Craik variety. Oh dear, your description of her made me shudder! ake care, or she will marry you before | you know where you are. So many men are married by girls nowaldays— it is a new development. Talking of new developments, what do you think of JoHNNIE | Gray’s engagement? He has only | £150 a year from his mother, and | can’t get anything to do (**Shouldn’t | mind a | pe secretaryship, or an | agency fo: r some big office wi commissions, don’t you know,” he always says in a sort of resigned voice) ; but his fancée, Lord EaBert ARDEN’s second girl, has an excel- lent post as lady-housekeeper to one of the new working-ladies’ flats with a matron under her ; and directly she gets her next ‘‘rise,”’ “1 am afraid Mother doesn’t much like the latter-day girl.” What my party next week will be without either her or you to help me, I dare not contemplate. Four guns, whom I don’t particularly mind, and the wives of two of them, whom I do, Neither of them is in the least i Pentland save as the wife of a gun. Bless = ioe heard of Lg son of a gun; but t’s nothing, I’m sure to the wife of a gun. A dreadful specimen I’ve generally found her. owever these four men are old friends of dear Harry's, and have come to our December shoot for years. It’s an understood thing now. Captain Cunrstre’s wife, by the way, is a sister of your friend Captain Maxwett, and simply a feminine replica—so you may imagi sympathetic we are to b t you say of the popularity of the Maxwe.. type of man is so true, that’s one of the things we'll talk about when you come. Little Harny shares the general disa tment, he is penting to show ‘* Godpa” his sailor suit. ** His dear little leggies would be more honoured now in the breech than in the observance, I think,” said Mother (can’t you hear her say it), so Harry was promoted to trousers, He grows very like his father (thank you, dear friend, for words about Aim), but has the Soacnaxs eyes, and often reminds Mother of TaRwaway and Rotito when they were little, she says. He does little lessons with me now, eve a passion for arithmetic. ‘‘ What comes after mil- Jions ?” I heard him murmur yester- day; “ course, she ay ; yes, billions, ’ and JoHNNIE are to be married. Perhaps she ’ll find him a place as | and then postillions.” He and little Mas both send kisses, and with a sort of glorified hall porter... . Then have you heard about the | most friendly regards from Mother and me, Montcomerys? She has just been made a 8 “Soul,” and he is Believe me, very sincerely yours, Manet Hounrer. | upon t | transfering to their canvas portraits of some | of the perso | of society, and sketches of some of the scenes OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. _ My Baronite-in-Chief sends me the follow- | ing opinionon a new work. He says:—** The | Green Bay Tree, joint work of W. H. Wit- | kins and Hexsert Vivian, published by | Hvtcninson & Co., is, truly, as its title denotes, a tale of to-day. The pity of it is it should be so sorryaone. These young | men know their Harrow, their Cambridge, | their London, with its varying phases of | the season, and Monte Carlo wi 0 its smiling sea and its (sometimes) gloomy Casino, They | skim the froth of society, and, on the whole, | the product is exceedingly distasteful. But that is not their fault. They did not make the wide world and all that therein is, though there are not lacking in the writing of the work traces of evidence that they would have felt equal to the task had it imposed them, As itis, their duty is limited to who scamper by in the whirl their conjunction creates. It is all smartly done. No flagging on any page of the three VOL. CVI. volumes, with here and there— notably the DEAR DOROTHY chapters describing the opening of the - ; ton honeymoon at the ‘Lord Warden,’ and (A Little Love Affair.) 1 hob = Po nial eplenden. The Dear Dororny, 'twas but the other day a of school om college life are evi- was oie aa ently reminiscent rsonal experiences, proper ’ whilst those who live ag London Society to- Dear Donoray. day will fancy they recognise familiar faces | y shi iled ional ps flitting through the book.” My Baronite is| * 9 Mayship smiled grainy mes Nay.” more fortunate than his Chief, who had @| 1 gsiked you if you'd sit u my knee ; gallant struggle with the first volume of the|" “You came at once and, coming, came to .B.T. But “1 am quite content with this stay. ’ , opinion of a trusted expert, and shall not) 1; >, true your age—as yet—is only Three ; take any further trouble to form my own on | ; ; ' this book,” quoth ‘Tue Baxow pz B.-W, | ¢thape that’s why I don’t do wrong to say Mrs. R. was pecemades by her nephew to go to a music- She “4° she will nerer enter bs a eee again, for some one sang a tropi t made her ferl’very hot and wastastertal ie en of as“ The Silk Tex-tile Exhibition.” New tart a (by a hungry would-be Note the spelling, and in future don’t trust : : : | A Misaprrenension Conrecren.— Answer all with him one evening. | 4, + 44 Kanwest Lxqurner.”—You are in |error. Soisyourspelling. The show to which i you refer is not an exhibition of “ Prince - Teck's silk hat,” as you infer from it bein Diner). aiter—one who makes you wait. to your ear bat your eye. = a a x

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Mar 19, 1894.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI ee me Zz Ir ’s TIME YOU WERE MARRIED; AND MEN DON'T CARE HOW ILL-EDUCATED A WoMAN Is.” **Can I co Aproap To Fintsn, Mat” ** No. **You SHOULDN'T JUDGE EVERYBODY BY Pa, Ma!” The Flowers of Evil emitted foul sniffs Like festering lilies, or worse, | From a midden’s forbidden malodorous whiffs | Infect the most finical verse. Yes; whether my brain or my stomach was TELL IT NOT IN GATH! (A Philistine’s Confession.) FRrenps called me a Philistine long years ago; I was never quite clear what it meant ; But this I do know, that it set me aglow With a sort of “‘ divine discontent.” I have not much culture, I’m sorry to say, I am neither a sage nor a weak, I never could rightly determine ; But round the rank sewers of letters to sneak I felt only worthy of—vermin ! j , bard ; Yet to be ‘in the movement” I wished in my way, And I’ve tried most tremendously hard. The Children of Light are a curious lot, And with them to range and to rank, I found I must revel in absolute rot, And glory in popinjay le To be in their swim, I must wallow in whim, And te palpable fudge. I've tried to, of course, but my chances are slim Of succeeding—if I ’m any judge. Emasculate yearning and maudlin conceit, “ om Sry me, do what I would. V st Insane arabesques, symbols empty of sense, And impressions in mud and in mist, As Art, may be triumphs supreme and im- mense, wet ; dragon-wing'd demon, a-twist ith Japanese jim-jams, a-squatina pool | and black inks, OF blood, or of \ Simply tangles my wits like a spool of tost wool, : And knots my poor brain up in kinks. A Stygian sphinx, a Chimera in soot, A problem in Evciip gone mad, B bosh—with a savour of Belial to boot, | May be Art—or Fantastical Fad ; But ~ sole path from the purlieus of | a To the top of the triple-forked hill Be that way,—in spite of much scorn and some wrath, I must e’en be a Philistine still! »” vaunting like roughs on the Attracted me not as it should. The truculent tone and the tomahawk style Appeared to strike noodles with awe ; But when I assumed them I felt all the while Like an Indian scolding his squaw. The beauty of sickness, the sweetness of sin, Peper Oe wi — or gin— I had not the palate indeed. ~ Erotical raptures in finicking phrase gushings of mt Were the very worst species of ** Bupert Nore. — Temperance party very | hard to please. Three Liberal re- | fused to vote on Thursday for Budget, and | abstained from the Division. The teetotal party, accordingly, highly indignant at them | —for being total a ners ! | Tue Barrisn “ Sruxere or Inrivence.”—| DOGGEREL, BY TOBY’S COUSIN, (“ Petz, Mr. Guapstonr'’s black Pomeranian, was lost and is found. He walked into a house at Stroud Green, whence, after hospitable treat- ment, he was taken yesterday, after an absence of three days. There was great rejoicing at Dollis Hill at his home-coming.”—Daily Paper, May 10.) ’T1s really too bad of that Petz— He’s a most inconsiderate dog ! Gallivanting away, he forgets That Dororny’s wild with regrets, And pines in his absence and frets ; While we’ve * pars” put in all the gazettes, And circulars sent to the ‘‘ vets,” To explain with exact epithets The points of this pertest of pets. the time he is gedding incog. In the suburbs, and probably gets Entangled with canine coquettes, Or some devilment aids and abets, Or works off a score of old debts In a few rough-and-tumble duets. ’Tis thus that he playfully whets His taste for adventures, and sets His Dollis Hill friends in a fog ! Yes, this black Pomeranian Petz, He’s a most irrepressible dog ! Mrs. R. was, of course, at the Asquith- Tennant wedding last week. ‘' Dear me,” she said to Mr. Beersenm Trex, whom she met on the crowded staircase, ‘‘I see the notorieties are here!” She afterwards ex- lained hat she meant “all the celebrities.” ut it’s much the same thing. Question or Towr.—Do all the contributors to The Yellow Book take a jaundiced view of e The cricket-ball. | life ?

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235 ; PUNCH, OR THE L ONDON CHARIVARI. [Mar 19, 1894. BRILLIANT STARS AT THE ST. JAMES’S. Ix The Masqueraders, our own dear ’Exery Havrnor Jones has written a strikingly-dramatic play, of which the two great scenes are so daringly improbable that, had they not been acted to per- fection by Mr. Grornore Avexawper and Mr. Hersert Wanine, aided in the second and more powerfal situation by Mrs. Patrick Camppent, the fate of the piece would have been seriously imperilled. But the author is justified of his actors, and the play, a triumph for both, is drawing over-crowded houses. First Act: hunt ball at old-fashioned inn of county town. Ad- mirably painted and arranged: view of bar below ; of corridor, or gallery, above. “Gallery” well brought in, since principal action on which play turns is an appeal to the gallery—viz. the selling by auction, in the presence of the county ladies and gentlemen, of a Barmaid’s Kiss!! The amateur auctioneer is a kind of burlesqued Careless selling Charles Surface’s ancestors at the . Even had Miss Duleie Larondie been but a common barmaid, the poe and approving presence of the high-bred 4 ladies, entering into “ the fun of the thing,” would surely have been an impossibility. True that "Enrerr Havruor shows one minor character, Lord Crandover, mildly protesting. | room, which the entire | to the business. Of course "Ewery | Havrmor has taken out his own ** poetic licence,” and can do what he | WepsTer), | its occasio But Lady Crandover should have initiated the protest ; and, as apparently the only chaperon present, would she not have risen with dignity and have bade her daughter and the other young ladies follow her back to the ball- rty had tem- porarily abandoned, probabl during an interval allowed the band for refresh- ment?’ Again, as this barmaid is known to be a paag ee ‘in reduced circumstances,” with evidently a con- siderable amount of self-respect, surely she would have retired to her own room. All she does, however, is to expostulate in dumb show with two or three of the _ rnumeraries, and the only practi- cally solid reason against her retire- ment seems to be that in this hotel of Mr. Jones's there is no one else except the aged proprietor, Brinkler, to attend likes on his own public-house premises, In this Act the one of the old huntsman, as play by Mr. W rit14M H. Day, could not be bettered, During the entr’acte one George Copeland (heartily rendered by Mr. Bew an ingeniously conceived variety of ** Cuaaces his friend,” has gone off, died, and left his entire for- tune, for no particular reason (which is reason enough, of course), to Darid n. Soin the Second Act David, the poor astronomer, is a rich man. Passing over this Second Act, with nally laboured, but on the Remo “* Here we go up, up, up! | whole, amusing drawing-room dialogue, with its handsome gift by the rich astronomer of a cheque-book and unlimited credit at his bankers to Lady Skene, we come to the Third Act, where, in the great situation of the play, Mr. ALExanper’s acting is the finest thing he has ever done. He lets himself go with a vengeance, and he is magnificently seconded by Mr. Wanrrne. And what is this situation? Remon, the virtuous, self-sacrificing lover, proposes to Sir Brice Skene that they two shall play cards— two euts out of three—the stakes being Remon’s two hundred The baby thousand pounds against Sir Brice’s wife and baby ! is certainly o yee one, and is exhibited to the audience by Nurse Helen Larondie, a part effectually played by Miss GranvILLe. But is this telling situation quite new P Ww Jones venture to deny that the original of this scene is to be found in one of the strongest situations of that immortal dramatic work ” as the finale owght to be. Remon'’s Trance, addressed to H. A. Jones. ill our ’Ewery Havrnor | be And then as beforehand they had thrown dice for Penelope Anne, so now they betake themselves to cards, so that the original situation in Bor and Cor is doubly exciting, and is kept up until one calls the other ‘‘cheat,” and the other tes with **swindler”; and then, just as Darid Remon pitches into Sir Brice, so Cox is about to rush on Boz, and Boz to rush on Coz, when—but as the scene is familiar to every amateur it is needless to recall the details. Is it not incredible that a playwright such as is & erudite Jones should have been in happy ignorance of this Classic ° Well, the half-drunken Sir Brice loses, and then is knocked over, and shaken violently (his lost wife being still present, rather enjoy- ing the scene) by the virtuous, self-sacrificing astronomer, who threatens to murder him if he ever to interfere with his own wife, who will be, from henceforth, the mistress of Mr. David Remon, At last an —- dramatic author has justified the Popu- lar belief of the French people, that English noblemen sell their wives at Smithfield! But this situa- tion is, in effect, the piece. k” After this comes Act IV. And what | oapene® "Every HavrHor cannot kill the now inconvenient Sir Brice as that would be too old and hackneyed an expedient, so he shows us the rich astronomer, the unprincipled winner of the Wife and Nursery Stakes, the desperately infatuated and long- hungering lover, David Remon, sud- denly converted by the copy-book morality of a nursing sister, se ed | by the whimpering sentimentality of a | foolish, vapouring younger brother, a | kind of wsthetic effeminate roysterer | fend the highest praise is due to Mr. | . ¥. Esmonp for his rendering this unreal character so as not only not to | make it ridiculous, but to win for it | the audience’s warmly-expressed ap- preciation), whom Darid can kick or caress just as he feels inclined. Out of the Ibsenitish drama no such demi- sexed creation as this Eddie Remon can, as far as I know, be found, It is in this character that Jones salutes Insen. And so the astronomer, pas- sionately loving the woman he has won, who passionately returns his love, renounces her, gives her up, as if she were an insoluble riddle,—which she isn’t; and saying, airily and astro- | nomically, *‘ We will meet again in Andromeda”—he might just as well have said ‘‘ We will go and stay with ~ old friend the Man in the Moon” —he departs on his astronomical ex- pedition. Was ever tale more im- probable? This last Act gives the audience a cold douche, which would be fatal to the success of the play had not the overwhelming force the Third Act triumphed over all obstacles, _ past, present, and future. The best light comedy scene of the play is in the Third Act between Mr. Ev.tot, Miss Irene Vansrven, and Miss Beayvt Faser. This tells immensely. é And now—Why is it called The Masqueraders ? Is it because human action is travestied by the author? Who “‘ masquerades”’ ? Not the brutal husband ; not the lovers; not the cynical friends Sir Benjamin Backbite Lushington and Lady Sneerwell Shelford, for these persons do not in any ba Ag their real sentiments, but, on the contrary, air them in public with obtrusive cynicism; not the oung gentlemen of the Hunt; not the matronly Crandover. But if none of these, who represent The Mesewedve ? Simply nobody. | As to the plot, Puff’s immortal answer to his critic Dangle must borne in mind and quoted on behalf of Mr. Henry ARTHur Jones. ‘ But,” asks Dangle, after hearing Puff describe a strong situation in his own play, “ won’t this a rather improbable? Our Box and Coz? 1 submit the quotation :— | Puff replies, “‘ To be ph oe ay w a Go meee a play is “ Bow (David Remon). I have it! Su we draw lots fo: | not to show occurrences ) eyery day, but gs just so Eb, Mr.Cox? Cos (Sir Brice Skene) That's foir BN, lw, strange, that though they never did, they ht happen.” othing Box. Or what say you todice? Coz. Dice, by all means, &c., &e. su s like success; and this is, without doubt, a daring, but a te: . ee ‘ . . . deserved success, and ’ENery AsTroyomER Jones ** may Box. Let's try something else. I have it. Suppose we toss for Pevetore lucky stars” at the St. Jawus's. Anne (Dulewe Larondie)? Coz. The very thing I was going to propose.”’ Private Box. a! a

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Mar 19, 1894.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 233 —= aOR ; it rains. Ask old inhabitant if he thinks it will cle p by-and-by.| Mum.—** The only way to get rid of ‘ Revolting Daughters’ is to No; he doesn’t. When it rains at Snaresborough it generally keeps | make them ‘ Kevolting Mothers.’ ”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [May 19, 1894, —_o— = Se. ee Cee eee ee eee OUR DECADENTS. ‘WHAT A SINGULAR NECKTIE You 'vE cot on, Corry !” First Effete One. Second E. 0. ‘How HORRID You arg, Lexy! | You NEVER LIKE ANyTHING J wzaR |” [Sudks for the whole afternoon. WINNERS! (With a Difference.) Or, Tae Durnpans anv Tue DoLprvas. First Winner. Ah! congratulate me, Witty! Such excitement may seem silly, But the moment was most “ — 2 must own, When Ladas, an easy winner, passed the post ; not a mere *‘ * skinner,” But as fresh as a beginner, strong, unblown ! My juvenile ambition seems approaching full fruition ; I am Premier (a position you would grace !) Whilst my horse,—and this enhances the delight that in me dances,— Has A. very best of chances for the | So Second Winner. Humph! Congratulate you ? Just so! , Win the Big Race ? Well, I trust so Bat—egeme | me!—heat and dust so : = We are in—like same Stable—which is pleasant— But - nae just at present —the same You are > ealy Ta y becky, and deserve it, A piece of pas-pipe stuffed with pencil fi ae c= - ell mucky, my | fie ee course And although we just lw - A rate it, it was awful work to do it Took me all my time to screw it at the end. First Wi p=. Very sorry, Iam sure, Wri! You’ve had plenty to endure, WILL ! But—well, Time will work a cure, Wut. if you’re s y- If we — y wel Se trudge it! Bit y, your co / get, But has seen its worst, i ae it, Wit, You pulled it ‘through most neatly. If it | id not win as sweetly As Ladas, who spread completely all its | fi , WIL ; Yet a, all’ be * "re worth we'll back it; and | ys Fee's bold ers attack it, Why, let’s boldly stand ‘the racket, and | ne’er yield, WiLL! Second. Winner. Yes, we "ll “face the | music,” Paruy! “But my head feels a bit swimmy, we Public is so whimmy, Parmm— t , My Budget had. the flavour of a ‘‘ Popular Pet ”"—sweet savour !|— Bat I oa *tis scarce the Favourite it All the Bi Bungs would play the knacker ; ’midst the swells he’s scarce a backer. They will make the pace a cracker, Parr, you Bat in spite of Land and Ligur, I may * go ’em just one’ ” quicker. And prove our nag & sticker, Parwnosr, yet! ON A BOGUS BOMB. (A Jeremiad Against Practical Jokes.) | True type op some contem japin, A coarse, crude, cruel sham, whose 0 y aim Is of all gentler feelings to ‘‘ make game,’ To scare the timid — to seathe the kind, mmode the man of er mind Practical Joke? A saint it mone provake To hear such ruffian one oe a — Joke? Humour, most humane of human Thon would bestow the briefest of short On ay Yahoo, with bogus bomb or gun, Who apes the fiend’s delight, and calls it— un! Caliban’ s self is not so wholly vile Till he developes brutehood’s crown—the smile ; The Foal om himself may ’scape clean manhood's uckl Till bestial « crassness apes the cynic chuckle. Sober stupidity is not so foul ; Asmine gravity befits the jowl Of bl ng Bottom ; but as cu When the dull ass grows proud o bray, (staff civic sense should wield the avenging | ye, a blunt-witted brutes affect the | & | False mirth, by dulness learnt in that cuenee school [foo! | els Py m. |The music-hall, but makes the siggerie | A nastier nuisance, since his roar is h te at the obscene, the cruel, the or A pe of humour,” of the sort, Fa dy in cruelty the food of sport, Is the brute’s bane, and dbadieowu. Practical Joke? Fiend’s laughter scarce s | Better Yahoos be grave, and pe Cocemn ens, | His mirth’s the crowning horror of the cad |

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\\\ i , \ ss , ‘7% Ni Ay ee. WAN 7, HS Ne WwW 7 WE be S \ A —iYY \ . »~ > <I \ Ss ~ “ALL THE DIFFERENCE.” R-s-B-RY (jubilant), “CONGRATULATE ME! LADAS WON EASILY, AND FIRST FAVOURITE FOR THE BIG RACE!” H-ne-nr. ‘HUM! BUDGET JUST PULLED THROUGH—AND NOT THE FAVOURITE HE WAS.”

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May 19, 1894.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. SS NUTTALL ii MAN A MONSTER PARLIAMENTARY MEETING IN VACATION TIME. LAYS FROM THE LINKS. | DIARY OF AN INTELLIGENT CITIZEN. To a Purliamentary Candidate. , Mondna Taal * the morning the oe expenses incurred by | WERE ; : the ool Board. Fancy paying two millions a year to educate a Rha eat end dam and dotip, pou might ative the question | half a million of children Seems monstrous. Does indeed. Must Of the way your country’s suffrages to earn ; | be careful to vote at the next election. Find that the contest is fixed | All t’s a wife whé’ ty, and H ditty, for Saturday. Toaneetneua Porlioueateey 2 eaten. Pi se, 9 Stee =: uesday.—Still potting up facts about the School Board. Not . 7 j | only two millions of money paid every P d's but lots of it wasted. | You will find your new vocation is a lib’ral education, | Really must vote on Saturday, and for the right men. The scandal Repartee, in all its branéhes, you will learn, has lasted too long, and all our fault, Why won’t we vote? The | And a yawn you’ll merely smother when you’re told that ‘ you ‘re | matter is really in our own hands, And yet we won't move a step! _ another” —_ | Disgraceful ! | It is quite a Parliamentary return. _ Wednesday.—Looking up fresh statistics. Seems that in ast You may temper lgsatin with some harminn recreation, __|imuury oly 0a voted. of «ona 0 A oa | hot * foursome you should now and then adjourn ; | Hackney. Really disgraceful! But at least { will do my duty on _ week yourself uprooting from you wonted seat, to Tooting | g.+ urday. Only wish others were like me. ea third, or Parliamentary, return. .— .—More ——~ — waste oe all postions, and | For the handi ’ iri sorts of nonsense, e children overwo . Pupils ill from "Tis ter pee phage ae ae study, teachers not too well paid, and a great deal to» much atten- | And I hope that you may win it, and the House will make a minute | tion given to useless accomplishments and sectarian disagreements. Of your record Parliamentary return. | meee, wait till Saturday! I will be there, ani I will vote, at any rate. | On the Links, or when on duty in the House, macte rirtute ! Friday.—Yes, to-morrow is the polling day. Well, I only hope . Till aa our whole constituency burns : , everyone will behave like me. A he and little fishes” you’ve my very best good wishes— | Saturday.—As I thought it might rain, I did not go to the polling- any happy Parliamentary returns! place. Better luck next year—if [ remember it. . Tue Ruvonxt A GENERAL Avanos.” — Beth i the weird ami” ol ed Mrs R., ing about a ni il age! entleman A should’ pe eee od sa 2 \of most exemplary «haracter. ‘‘He wasn’ ways like this, on The Bilenenef Down ee appease! Orb Ra bategee aeore, I have heard that as a young man he was mixed up in all | sorts piceadillies.”’ _Aprrorriats.—Health to the new married couple in a bumper of} Pvoerustic Exercise 1x tae Buritserow House P.R.(A).— Chateau Margot ! Polishing off the EntiretAcademy in several rounds.

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—— 238 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Mar 19, 1894. =x

THE GREAT TROUSER TEST; Or, Patriotism and Pants. IN LADZ LAUDEM. | Wuo names this colt? What ym | Stands

“To he ends of th y for his morals | A~S4Ai+t-yYrA -i Re I, Lapas, large and lithe of limb, | Anglomaniac.’”""—Daily News on American Lord of a hundred laurels! Anglomanva. | |On whom the loud Olympic ring, Hono! for some Tyrteus-rousers gnoring local sq 4 | To warm their un-patriot ‘ | Ana every other mortal thing, Who turn up the of their trousers | Sat tight, and planked their obols. | To save Yankee shoddy from mud ! He the depth of depravity reaches, His cup of disgrace is brim-full, Who, simply to spare his best | no and olive, La ny and bay— ithout exaggera I take it that I bore awa Will mimic the modes of Jouw Buty! A positive plantation ; What matter the spots and the splashes ba an ae eS post That soil Yankeedoodledum's pants, And cad 4 : eethless ed Whilst bristles can brush, whilst soap | To join the 5 nie’ g washes o join the great majority. | And bootblacks will do what one | He, too, has joined their fighting | wants ‘ nk Far better go dirty and draggled. “N The heir a my tradition : rapes Sages out, and plastered All on the downs his glossy flanks Than draw down the tongues that have | A A Ay a ache waggled . a Of Government despatch-box, Against Anglomaniac crime ' Exploding ecies that stake Philadelphia's patriot matron Their safety on a Matehbor. | Will pound the poor-spirited dude, | Who, of Masherdom’s manners e As Myron set me up in bronze, | tron, To mak ish vainer, with Bond Street ambition imbued, May he ‘through fortune’s pros and | Will turn pp his trouser-ends tamely, cons To look like a guy or a crank, Set up (in tin) his trainer! And - | h the sladge-swamp So may he, like the knowing ox, ng Adorn his master’s crib and ie vins on his hocks Take Y the Turf’s blue riband! Go on, my noble king of steeds! - Go on, virtute macte! — Why is it that a first-rate operatic ————, Prime minister to all their needs y Tramp on like a true-blooded Yank! | * Mrs. Stevenson, President of the Phila- delphia Civie Club. tenor is a most useful man to be em- Who went and freely backed ’ee ; ployed in a lighthouse or at an Eiffel | A NEW NAVAL GRIEVANCE. | And if there’s really something in watch-tower ‘—Because, if there is any | Jack Tar (reading the Budget Speech). “‘Buowxep 1r| Success that fans infection, _ rk he can always go up to C, | THs ‘gre LANDLUBBER AIN'T A-GOLN’ TO BUILD THEM | Who knows but what a triple win (N.B.—Except when he has a bad cold.) | NEW InoncLaps out o’ THE Sivxive Fup |” Will turn the next election ?

ROBERT ON THE GRAND TOWER BRIDGE! _ | ‘hes srr teld by our grate Engineer, like all good Gristions ort tila nee and Princess comes and shows em all as I pow’? exacly kno how it came about, but I ain’t bin at all well there really ain’t not nothink for to be afraid on. lately. I carnt say as I’ve bin a hindulging more than usual, tho Strange to say, I hears from one of the men as how as the Guverner we most suttenly has bin rayther a going it, thanks to the amost | of the Tower, which is close by, is that gelous of the Bridge, that he boundless ginerosity of our right honnerabel and most liberal Loxp | has applied tothe Dook of Camsnipexr to make the Copperashun alter Mare. I'm promised a eoler holly-day about the hend of nex | the name of it, and call it the Tems Bridge, or sum such common month, when the Prince and Princess of Waxes is a comming into | name, but the Dook, like the reel gent as he is, has refused to do s0, the City, with their usual kindness, to hopen our grand Tower | and says it’s a werry good name for it considering its great hight —~ which one of the principal makers on it tells me is about the ey — size, e

grandest Tower Bridge in the world, and will cost the c un, with its usual gaendy, Gri pee to charge Copperashun jest about a hole million of money! He also tells me | not nothink to go over it or te go under it, it will cost em jest that so wunderfully is the Bridge made, that when any ship, however | about a hole round million, which clever Brown tells me is jest big it ma A by to poe Se it, all the Pilot has to do is to - 4 pa Pe ae Dede Tobe seveenion! ane if that ain’t ~~ is wi e Bridge will open of itself in two minutes and a/| enuff for our Bridge, e now what is, speshally as harf! The — ~ Committee seems to be allers at work about | told that it is more than all the other five London Bridges cost put it, and well deserves their bits of luncheon, and I supposes as it was er! tay tae a sort of small reward for my xtra trouble about them, that I was| But that’s 7 like the jolly old C hun, when ty makes most kindly allowed to see the butiful gold as is a being made | up their to do a thing they it thoroly, leaves for the Committee to wear when the Prince Princess comes, and | others to foller their xampel, if they can. RoseEst. werry werry splendid they is. Why so werry particuler is the Com- mittee that y has aeshally had the Invitashun Cards speshall —— ae Ge Saeen, @ ~~ all Ge nay — o the To W. Grace, Junior. ay may have a memo to allers remind em of it. <a . What the distinguist onners will be that will be heaped by the Bravo, Sir! A hundred and twenty and six royal Prince and Princess on the Lorp Mane, and the Sherrifs, and Before they could find the right way to your sticks, the Chairman, and the hard working Committee, in course nobody Should prove you a chip of—well, not “* the old block, yet knos, but as their royal Hignesses acts in the name of Her That would seem the free play of the Champion to mock.— Majesty the QuEEN, in course they will be simply staggerers. But a Grace of the Graces. ’Tis pleasant to seo | remembers werry well going to see the werry fust stone of the Ere the elder has passed—a young ** W. G.”! Bridge laid, ever so many years ago, and not one of us ever thought

as how as we shoud live to see it finished, and lots of clever fellers, | as they thought theirselves, all prosefied as it woud never be big ae FO enuff to let a great bi ship go thro it without a breaking of it; end I well remembers artily some on em larfed when was told that it woudn’t take above 2 or 3 minnets to ~ ae Harenat.— Ono of the welnen engaged on the restoration an old abbey was scraping away at the whitewash in one particular “ Rather hard on the wall.” quoth a jocose visitor. ‘* Wall

retorted the workman ; ‘‘’cos I’m told as ’s a niche in it,” FF | hop nor shut itagain! But they don’t larf now, but beleeves what |

——

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May 19, 1894.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 239 “NO FLOWERS!” | wr ‘A French specialist, M. Joan, save that the smell of flowers is| injurious to the voice. He knows | operatic singers who have com- pletely lost their voices through their passion for certain flowers.} | On, fling no wreaths of roses sefore the Queens of Song! | For what delights their noses May do their throats much | wrong. ; Toss no bouquets Titanic Down at the Diva’s feet! | You ’ll put her in a panic, And spoil her accents sweet. Far better salt or borax ; Egg-flip more stay affords To the sweet Tenor’s thorax, The Basso’s vocal chords, A barrel of choice oysters Drop on the stage to her Whose grand mellifiuous voice stirs Your soul, with Music’s stir. A gift of stout, in bottle, The footlights may adorn ; But every lyric throttle A floral gift should scorn. In times remote, and Persian, The Bulbul loved the Rose ; Now at her pet aversion Philomel cocks her nose ! f) 1 Ue | mo Li \\h | 11" > LY? hi MDW Ni . pis {| NE APPROPRIATF.—The subject of ‘‘Church Patronage” in the Daily News last week drew an epistle from Pavt—t.e. from H. W. Part. TEMPERANCE LOGIC, ‘Att J CAN SAY I8, I’ve SMOKED AND DRUNK FREELY ALL MY LIFE; superlative can be expect AND BERE I am AT EIGHTY, AS WELL AS “AH! BUT WHO KNOWS BUT YE MIGHT BE A HUNDRED BY THIS TOIME, | hest it can be only “a Very IF YE'D ONLY BEEN A TOTAL ABSTAINER, SorrR ! | TWOPENGE ALL THE WAY. | You are somewhat tired, you say, | And the streets are gritty. This is twopence all the way, Strea to the City. Omnibuses aren’t so cheap, Or so pleasant either— So we climb the staircase steep Of the tram, together. | All the other fares their own Business are immersed in. You have on the very gown m}: saw you — in— ing t spring - like, that Suits the sunny weather. There are roses in your hat— On the tram together! If we two were rich and free, | Many a time we ponder, How beside the surging sea | Musing we would wander, | Or by mountain mere, | Moorland flushed with heather— dear, Yet, our hearts are light, my On the tram together ! Averace.—It is announced that The Gallery Club is to | be ed for the season, when the exhibition entitled “Fair Women” will be ‘on view. Of course, nothio ‘of this picture show, as at its | Fair Collection.” ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Lords, Monday Night, May 7.—At a time when the Episcopal Bench in the House of Lords is the mark of much con- tnmely, it must be matter of keen satisfaction to Bishops an Archbishops to feel they have still left one faithful friend. To the Episcopal Bench Denman is what the Minstrel Boy was to the Land of Song. “‘ Though all the world betrays thee One sword at least thy right shall guard One faithful harp shall praise thee.” He broke out to-night at quite unexpected time. Hoop on bis feet : reciting Naval- Architects - Insti- | tution - paper about state Navy. pen DENMAN rose, an pointing lean fore- | tinger at tenant- | less Episcopal Bench, said, ** Lords, there are no spiritual rs present. It is not — to go on. therefore move that the debate be now adjourned.” Since Macbeth stared, and spoke and gesticu ated ; at anquo’s PROMPTINGS. empty chair, J-hn R-dm-nd and his Chief. rarely has deco- : rous company been interrupted in such tragic fashion. The tall figure of the | venerable peer, crowned with plum-colour skull-cap of faded hue ; _ the pale, worn, but still handsome face; the pathetic shabbiness | the ; the outstretched hand; the fixed glance; the horror q ess tone in the muffled voice ; the suddenness and of | y| the interruption—all combined to chill the blood. No one spoke ; | Lord Hoop resumed his seat; so upset could not for some minutes continue his discourse. Denman sorrowfully gazed for a moment round the silent House, and stalked forth—ghost of a great name, heritor of a mighty reputation. A dull night in Commons ; | a8 House rose came news from | Hackney. | “*We’ve got FLEeTcHer Movttow in with majority of | 192,” said Causton, rubbing |his hands with cheerfulness that no circumstances can | daunt. ‘Don’t you think you | might put it in another way ?” Piunxer asked, with his sweetest smile. ‘‘ Your ma- jority is reduced by more than a thousand. Wouldn’t it be more correct to say, FLETCHER lis in, but Li msjority is Movttin’ ?”’ Cavuston hopes to have re- partee y in course of a few days. done. — Second goose-sterping round Budget. Just Business reading Budget Bill debated. Tuesday.—Difficult to ima- gine anything more dolorous than House to-night. Oppo- sition have come to conclusion that nothing less than three days’ talk round Budget will meet just supecapiane of me country. Accordingly, settled Th» Noble Savage and Pr-nee Arth-r, before debate on second - , a ing opened yesterday, that division should not be taken till Thursday. All very well if in meantime House were shut up, Sreaxer and officials enjoying much-needed rest, and Members off for holiday. That, of course, would never do. Appearances (and talk) must kept up.

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240 | PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Mar 19, 1894. | So here we are, mercifully only a few of us, watching the dreary game. List of speakers drawn up long enough to keep things going till Thursday night. No lack of volunteers for speech-making. Only stipulate they shall not be expected to remain to hear others. Savrre or Matwoop behaves with great heroism. Has fortified himself with stock of foolseap paper sewn atthe corner. On this he, with ostentatious benignity, takes notes. As each sheet is filled he turns it over, and, | holding it between finger and thumb, lets it hang forlornly flapping, whilst, with crossed hands and look of sainted resignation, he sits and waits for the next speaker. This turns out to be that other great Squire | the Man from Blankney. At White’s and | at Newmarket there is a general impression that on finance, as on any other question, the Seurre or Bianwxwey could give a stone to| the Sewrre oF Matwoop and beat him. Cuapity himself suspects there is something | in this, and justifies the assertion in a pro-| digiously learned speech. What he most bit- terly protests against is ‘‘the dumb silence” on the Treasury Bench. I did not hear it myself; but ’tis a blessed | phrase, its coining making stronger than ever | the yearning for the spread of silence, dumb | or otherwise, over the mechanism of the talk- ng machine. Business done.— None. Friday, 1 a.m.—Everything comes to the man who waits, even the end of the dreariest debate of modern times. Responsibilities of leadership imposed on Priyce Artuuk duty of making long speech by way of summing up Budget discussion from Opposition side. | Ordeal too much even for his gay courage. | Stumbled heavily amid dry phrases belonging | to the Probate Court ; couldn’t always hit on the right one; had spent much time on dis- tasteful lesson ; got it off pretty well by heart; but, not being quite clear to himself, case naturally, not pellucid for audience. Still | they sat it through, buoyed up by expectation | of the end. Seurre or Matwoop at least understood his case, Got it all at his finger ends. Had, for greater accuracy, set it forth in series of sewed volumes of manuscript. Volume I. Wine and Spirit Duties; Vol. IT., Graduated Death Duties; Vol. IIL, IncomeTax; Vol. 1V., | Bang Joxim about the Head. Though there was evidence in the delight with which the Sevrrr took up Vol. IV. that this was specially designed for the comfort and consolation of Joxim, refutation of the jee pane of that eminent man pretty requently c up in preceding volumes. ‘* My master,” “ my teacher,” said the Squrre | in severest irony, looking across the table to see how Joxrm took his punishment. House now crowded, roused at last. Cheers and | counter cheers stirred the heavy atmosphere. | “‘ Now, Sir, I venture to say, if I may use a) vulgar expression———” observed the Squire. ‘**Oh! oh!” eried the gentlemen in the corner behind Front Opposition Bench terribly shocked. “If I may——.” “No! no!” | They would not have it on any account; Seurre persisted. When it turned out that | his vulgar expression was nothing more than the taunt that Members opposite were “* be- ginning to see it is not safe to face the music,” unmistakeable evidence of disappointment. | 5, mught it was going to be much worse than that. | Business done.—Budget read second time | OF majority of fourteen in La of 602 | Members. Thereupon gratef journed for Whitsun holidays. be Wasrep! for ‘‘ The Frozen Pole” —An ice hair-dreeser. | YVETTE GUILBERT. TO NELLA. Mite. Yverre Gurisert has appeared at On her Apologising for Bad Spelling. the Empire, and astonished the Imperials. My lady, spell ad libitum, in ite In view of certain recent anti-artistic pro- Of mouldy Mavor, LiypLey ‘Dunaay trite; ceedings in the North, against which Sir) Whate'’er you pen to me will still excel Freperic, P.R.A., and other eminent, Anght that the wisest sage or bard can tell: Academicians, righteously protested, the fol- | Write hew you will to me, but only write / lowing version of her famous ** Vierges!” is | | P ‘ aa dedicated to the Queen of the| Let not pedantic rule wild Senay Bilebs, Ca é Concert, with many apologies for ite | Nor Academe a new Corinna quell! innamerable imperfections. . (Dispel such cares, ede L’ame candide et les traits dars, -" ays tere ite eel | Ils marchent les yeux vers l'azur There ’s witch’ry in the note you last indite— A Glasgow. “Beleive me” (so your letterends) seems right, Les affich’s mises sur leurs murs | “* Your’s most sincerely,”’ charms my heart Ont de charm’s mais ell’s sont pur's | as well ; . (Parlé) Pour sir, A Glasgow. I, too, ’gainst orthographic laws rebel, The reason why? I feel, in all its might, My lady's spell! HER RUDE REPLY. No less surprise than merriment I feel In puzzling out your appeal : Fis you I think, should now apologise, For calling me “‘ Corinna” in disguise, And what you meant by “‘ Academe” reveal! | I hoped my shocking hand would hide a deal fancy spelling from your searching eyes: Your glance, though, into “ howlers” I’ conceal © less, Sir, pries ! Goodbye! P.8. Don’t grow quite imbecile | With agitating wildly for repeal : Of “* orthographic laws,” nor exercise Your scants wits with rondeaus overwise! Here my ‘‘ spell” ends—for ne’er could rhyming zeal Know lesser prize !j “MATCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING.” the matchless effrontery to spread the report of a strike having taken place in our factory. Nothing of the sort. We don’t strike except on our own box, and we have good matches for all our girls ; likewise we em match- making mothers, and, as the old song says, “We are a happy family, we are! we are! ! weare!!!” And we are, my dear Mr. P., Yours delightedly, Bryant THE First anpD May THE FouRTEENTH. EPITHALAMIUM. To tre Harry Parr, St. Georoe’s, HANOVER Sevare,. Taurspay, May 10, 1894. ‘(By Mr. Punch, after Shakepeare.) Honovr, riches, marriage- blessing ° continnance, full ing: Juno’s dower and cargo As for Venus,—well, there’s Mancor! Honeymoon a present heaven Sont-ils stupides ces Anglais! Down in Somerset and Devon ; Pour eux tout est trés-shocking, mais Happiness be your Heart’s-Ten(n)ant, A Glasgow Love your crown, and fame your pennant. Encore plus les Ecossais Manhood’s prime and fortune’s heyday ; Sont des imbéciles niais. May this memorable May day (Parlé) Cest'gai’' A Glasgow! Be delightful to remember, Ils défendent tous les desseins hoe rer Mar — O00 l’on peut voir les bras, le sein, ’ - y. y A Gla Punch’ s blessing now is on you! Jamais nus; méme dans un bain Sont-ils tout habillés enfin ? - — | “When persons to a to enjoy (Parlé) Matin! A Glasgow. themselves, Pidon't like every gen n pre- Portez des lanett's; l’eil nu | sent to be a with 1 Est absolument défendu | other,” observed R. with an air of de _ A Glasgow, annoyance. ‘‘And I can’t help remarking Des cape uns Be went Janets ves | this, because I heard the other day that * Li, od leurs raisonn’ments sont plus | party recently given entirely (Parlé) Cornus! A Glasgow. of and their cavillers.” 7 ‘“c . es BIBtrT = iaas 2 23a

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Mar 19, 1894. ‘THE SECRET OF HEALTH,’ 9 Written by a Diplomée of a London Hospital. Mussrve Bas: #tery—1 eT ° Heatre ~ Guipe LR Home Puperne— RSM, hs enepe— Owe to it— Precias —Siex Drey and Faspive tee Sice—Useret or Womuss Line. LEVER BROS., Lé., Port. ‘Sunlight, ar. Birkenhead, have received the accompanying Report on Lifebuoy Royal Disinfectant Soap from Dr. Kari Enoch, Chem. Hygien.Inst., Hamburg. REPORT. The examination of {he pomple of ' Lat bney Revel | Scmlgs Hogi vie we by be tome # Sretiees, Leet’, following results as Ln sent. of Lilebuoy Roy be ey PThese solutions were 6 ey oe quae it’ Glerdees (B the capaci mat un ter dostvopiog the > tenes bee mo toe 7 7 germs was proved. THE TMB RESULTS | were as follows :— poate,» were : dead © within two ro hours, —The operation of this soap on the Cholera Microbes ? 4 Ly remarkable, and showed this soap to be in the hest degree a disinfectant. These were taken f from per- 4 ? 2 sons who had died o” Cholera in » Hamburg, “and “Showed a a cout as follows :— DISINFECTANT With the 2 per cent. mixture, Cholera Microbes were dead 2 within 15 pee With the 5 per cent. same were drad —_ LIFEBUOY _ SOAP is a Carbolic bolic Disinfectant tne Di Diphtheria Microbes were killed after 2 hours | Soap ior use In the Prevention of Sickness, with the § per cent. solution. === 4-—~The , r cent. solution was cules on fresh hres t ! —— Popular Authors and the Preservation of Health and is guaran, || germs, | entirely extinct alter 4 hours. —_ — teed perfectly pure and tree trom any injurious’ =~ t ill be that rm Given with | = mg a et Lifebuoy Soap. | Probie Peettee wees tert hese Fed ccna of te various gems ond mile r? eaten MB. | | had fer § LIFEBUOYV aT — conke ‘Signed’ KARL ENOCH, Chan., Hygien. Inst, » Hamt ure, LOG PAPAS SASF PPS FFI vYyyYy ¥ vv result showed that the Microbe life a a - - EFRINGS sesh oy Table a an Taaitieren om | HERRY BRANDY. bot ores i, Gt Tower Gt London, tC. The Best Liqueur SYP? HONS TO SMOKE — > 500 Fe ee tie watt: COLDEN BRONZE HAIR. Waters 4 i, flavour and penee ” Chatain = A os EY wi acre e. Continue to be supplied te Her Majesty the Queen. bOTTLED IN COGNAC. . i... ee CARRIAGE PAID TO ANY ANDRESS IF “ (Leurent-Perrier.) cnpensi ce ONE OF THE AGE® ‘CHAMPAGNE.- SANS-SUCRE.” as GRAND-VIN-BRUT.” Special meaaeeaes er te ne “ Lancet” and | “ Bejtish Medical ——o--— Journal" fectly free from » ar, and th ym nym fi : sought by the Medical Profes esion, viz.,a healthful | t 66 ” and invigorating stimulant which cam be u-ed safe!y ——- * ran by everyan@, and most beneficially by the Geuty, . umatic, Dyspep ic and Diabetic. s iu — Quarts, S4s.; Pints, 45s. por dozen. — SP f&@ —— =, Can now be obtained in 2-07, '000A- TONIC. CHAMPAGNE. ” cal Re Air -tight Tins, in ‘Laurent Perrier. Md ombination, by the growers, at } ouzy-Reima, . i 3 rei) Three Grades of Strength, viz. :— = - ; ’ of the Grand-Vin-Krut wiih Coca Leaf + xtract, an extraordinary restorative for ae, Insomnia, Nerve Prostration, Hysi ria, iy 2 Y i | Gearte, S4s.; Pints, de. ; Balt-piats, 24s. per dos. | 4 ys = “MILD,” Yellow label, an - pa Mahe Merchants, &c lied - all Y/, \ ~ Se re 32 /] MUSA RRS“ MEDIUM,” Elue label “FULL,” Chocolate tabel, As well as in One-Ounce Packets ¥ and }-lb. Patent Air-tight Tins, by el) Dealers in Tobacco. WD. a H. 0. WILLS Lite, Bri aud Lou,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI—Mar 19, 1894 NIGOt4. OUTFITTER. LADIES’ TAILOR TO THE ROYAL FAMILY. 114 To 120, REGENT STREET, & 22, CORNHILL, LONDON. PARIS: 29 and 31, RUE TRONCHET. 10, MOSLEY 8T., MANCHESTER, 89, NEW ST., BIRMINGHAM. 50, BOLD 8T., LIVERPOOL. THE LARGEST SELECTION OF MATERIALS IN LONDON. GENTLEMEN. | LADIES. Surti~es from £3 3s. CoAaTINGs, OVERCOAT- | Nicoit'’s Sarety Ripixsg Hasirs render was, and TrouseRines of the best manufacture. | dragging absolutely impossible. Nicout's world-famed OVERCOATS; every de- NICOLL'S SPECIALITE tailor-made CosTUMES in scription and size kept in stock, including the new | original designs from five-and-a-half guineas. Ractee Coat, from £2 2% SMOKE THE CELEBRATED “PIONEER™ | SWEETENED TOBACCO, KNOWN ALL OVER THE WORLD. RICHMOND CAVENDISH | Co., Lro., MANUFACTURED BY THE | | AT THETR BONDED WORKS, LIVERPOOL, | And retailed by all first-class tobacconists at home and abroad. Unprecedented Success! ARBENZ'S ceichbrated MAN! oAMIN RAZORS, with | fully warranted interchangeable | | bindes! Most comfort able remarkably cart le surious Ihousande of un solicited testi moniala, quan With Unboundey exiuunasn of At . aed — From all respectabie Dealers and the | maker, P Anpamte S, Lepeare —~ = Kiamieoms Ml ntroducer of the original only ‘genuine GE. | Loovr ano Parc | MANE. TODD, & BAKD, a yy Target Practice, are w GOLD PENS from 4s. each. PENS THE ONLY PERFECT DIPPING PEN. GOLD PENS AND IRIDIUM POINTED. GOLD PENS SUITABLE FOR ANY HOLDER. OLD PENS EVERLASTING IN WEAR. GOLD PENS IMPROVES THE HANDWRITING. OLD PENS GOLD A POSITIVE CURE FOR WRITER'S CRAMP PENS oo GOLD 1 OF WRITING. age A. S¢ EVERY HAND AND STYLE « Leet om aPriication. Manu of on ’ Fountain 8, Cusareipve, a, Recent Sracer, Ww. Ipiecsdluny End, Established i545 ) Tens and Leos von, House Protection, Travellers, and . takes Eley's “38 cal. Express or M ryt for Milita: ‘ er ® cal. Vi Cartridges and al) ot COLT'S LICHTWINC MACAZINE RIFLES, jot large and Small Game, aac, ong unequalied for rapidity of Gre. COLT’S REVOLVERS ARMY & NAVY REVOLVER: SQUIRE'S ror CHEMICAL DELICATE FOO D. CHILDREN. In Bottles, 2s., 36. 6d., & Gs. each. AT ALL CHEMISTS AND STORES, and of SQUIRE & SONS, Her Majesty's Chemists, 413, OXFORD STREET, LONDON. | Imrontreze tae Bicon—“ We have seen hosts of letters from who have received | \great benefit from the use of Clarke's Blood || Mixewre. It we be too high! estimated, CY, it cleanses and clears the | This it a conte Doctor, whic |“ It is the finest Blood Pu: | skill have brought to light, and we can with the recom |monials. Clarke's Hlood Mixture is sold every | where, a0 Sa. 08. per Satie. Heware of worthless re -—s ROCHE'S CROU The celebrated effectual fox, 15°, Queen Victoria Street, London Fuld by most Chemists. Price és & Nags tue | ‘aris—Haaai, 4, Rue de la fa Sen | York—Fouesas & Co, North W illiare Street. cure Hoe ewes medicine. Sole Wholesale Agents, W. Kowsnvs & KODAK These famous hand or tri ; a, whilst embodying the most in camera construction, are the sin cing and most compact Photographic insiru- meuts made. Equally suitable for boy or girl, novice photography, or photographic expert. om t to 100 pictures can be made without recharge. Strongly recommended by travellers in all parts of the globe. Prices from £1: 6:0 to £23: 1:0. Illustrated Catalogue free on applicatics. Manufactured solely by EASTMAN Photographic Materials Co. Ltd., 115-117 OXFORD ST., LONDON. PARIS: 4 Place Vendome. are used all over the World. Trice List free. a co TATLEE-KIZ CIGARETTES. | FINEST TURKISH | BLEND. or ALL TOBACcOMIETS. WM. CLARKE AND 50N, LONLON AND LEVEREOOL, AIR GUNS. Ask for ARRENZ'S GEMS, and beware of wor beware of worthices imitations . BRILL’S SEA SALT. HAIR GOLDE EN HAI sa 8 t igh PEMEPRCTLY HAMM Lita porous Bold by Perfumers and Chemists throughout Mar Street eae nt Street.w rard lid. per Royal Bath. Bracing and es Agents: R. HOVENDEN & 6ONS, Lowpon. ASPINALL’S “‘ Must be on every well-appointed Dressing-Table. Renders the use of Toilet Powder unnecessary, being so cooling and refreshing.’’— Daily Papers. sun Sréimeesin Gb abbiednale Uaanien. PREPARED FROM FORMULA OF AN EMINENT COURT PHYSICIAN. MAKES THE FACE, NECK, HANDS AND ARMS LIKE BEAUTIFUL VELVET. MAKES THE OLD YOUNG AND THE YOUNG YOUNGER! MOST MARVELLOUS EFFECT ON WRINKLES, WHETHER CAUSED BY AGE, WORRY, OR LATE HOURS. EQUALLY EFFECTIVE IN WARM OR COLD CLIMATES, FOR REMOVING ROUGHNESS CAUSED BY EAST WINDS OR BURNING BY THE SUN’S RAYS. south Walon bbe 21, ton >» EDWARD ASPFINALI _[Tymowam roa 1 In Bottles 3s. 6d. each, to be had (ABSOLUTELY NON-POISONOUS.) and found it most excelicat eve here; or, free, Ta Bi, om esos NEIGELINE.” EDWARD ASPINALL, Gresse Street Works, LONDON, W. s Copy of a Letter just rece!) a) Madame FATT! oe Oreet ws Botties “ N EIGELIN “Caste , Smith, of No ry) im the Precinct of rrnated Batewy Mradbary, Agnew. a a atnedto ie y of one May Pe NS ae me eos ee fney eee SATURDAY. EVERY ie) w p 7) 4 o ) a _*