Punch 1892-12-24: Vol 103 Iss 2685

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PEARE. In Case, 21/- & 31/6 SHAKS Handy | WAVERLEY. In Case, 45/-& 73/6 | Pictures Volume | SCOTT POETRY. In Case, 12/6 & 25/- Editions | SCOTT (complete). In Case, 63/~ & 47/6 BIBLE. In Case, 21/- & 31/6 from Punch. LEECH’S PICTURES. 3 Vols. 31/6 DU MAURIER’S PICTURES. 2 Vols. 24/- KEENE’S PICTURES, 1 Vol. 21/- VICTORIAN ERA, 3 Vols. 42/- > om ie) x > bk a © > x w > w ie) w =z vs) J foe) =) a a Ax Se" 4 eee SP SD ree Sr aise: —— EEE LONDON. PUNCH OF¥FICE, «85, FLEET STREET, a 14 Pi PRICE THREE PENCE. ABSOLUTELY PURE THEREFORE BEST. re 3a CADBURYS COCOA NO CHEMICALS US&D. For Illustrated Christmas and New Year Gifts Mr. Punch’s Volumes are always welcome @

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| PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Decumpzr 24, 18932.

Berend Kdition WORRIS.—HIS GRACE. By 5 OXFORD.-MITRE HOTEL W. & Mona, Author of “ Malle. de Mersac,” ONE OF THE MOST ECONOMICAL "ie, Hens bas focee 0 siatty Gan Garner’ FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE xivedon ry ree te the conven , Has 35 Years’ fF weleve 8 render of © =| World-Wide Reputation. ORN LOUR Coie ha epee RIGHTON aly bamorous, and as pleasantly readabie as he has ae Seas 6 on, Dany cue, WS TRY iT IN Your BaTH. HoreL METROPOL Pavowrably reviewed by over 80 Newspapers. ScRUBB’'S (wow "(Geer _) KN Am MONIA. MARVELLOUS PREPARATION. The finest and

Refreshing as * pee Bath. ‘ How to SELECT Splendid’ Cleansing Preparstice fer the Hair. most luxurious | Seaside |} Removes Stains and Spots from Clothing, &c. a LIFE OFFICE.” Restores the Caloet to Carpets. Hotel ‘ Cleans Plate and Jewellery. in the ts. bottle for six to ten baths. By G. M. DENT, FS.8 Of all Grocers, Chemists, &c. World SCRUBB & Co., 15 Red Cross Street, S.E.

Rt hE a f- AE “MEAVIEST POSSIBLE PLATING.” ’ <n ASW SAMPSON’S “A well written dialogue.”—Lasve Meacrat. » ‘ Price ls.; by post is. 1d. “e £ ° a SURPLICE JOMN HEYWOOD, SHIRTS. DaawseatTs, MawonesTen. MAPPIN & WEBB’S ae. 1 SWEET SCENTS 268, 270, Oxford St., London. THE STANDARD LOXOTIS OPOPONAX] PRINCE’S PLATE. CENTLEMEN’S WICS. FRANGIPANNI PSIDIUM (Been) Sina telliee f tone, LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY. c ined = “HIGHEST ATTAINABLE GR) Voskrinkabie Materia "inn ESTABLISHED 1825. = Acoumulated Fund, 7} Millions Stg.

CHRISTMAS. PRESENTS.|_ Sree =|‘ MERSANO, bs GREAT RESTORER PRESERVER of React

z 4 a oO ud be ° c a cc =) — AINIWLSIANI ? BDINBURGH, 8 George St. (Head Office) LONDON, 83 King William Gireet, E.0. 8 Pall Mall Bast, 8.W. DUBLIN, 66 Upper Sackville Street. Branches & Agencies in India @ the Colonies. " Beware of the party MACNIVEN & & CAMERON'S F PENS come asa « boon and s to men, Proa wica, the Owl, and the avencer Pax. THE FLYING J PEN.

BOILING WATER OR MILK.

They create both wonder and delight. 64. and ls per Box, ot all Stationers ger Sample Box of al) kinds, Is 14 by Post. We verley Works, EDINBURGH. Feumahere to Mer Majesty » Government Offices. Ourven Baes., No HAN Yor PLEASURE and PROFTE. (GOLDEN | BRONZE HAIR. asi NO: rate snare FRUIT hee SSS Mothing se Pre@ishle and Rasy to Grew. Gata Oa 2 see oe Soe ot CHOCOLAT La ainiAn ROSES); MENIER. ROWLAND’ MUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS. y MACASSAR OIL een 8 ge FOR BREAKFAST. Meusiihes emf Preatwes the Usb. a : makes % Soft ond silky, and is th ROSES in Pots, from 15s. per doz. ORNAMENT. Mena THEES. 9 ARES | . AWARDED PRIZE MEDALS BRILLIANTINE. _ SuimaTs ‘30,000 fom Se se an | BPE AT ALL EXHIBITIONS. | [hl veine net araay or ary — Single Plants ary sald at slightly increased ticles battles, i Ss. 6d.; Ta; We “ ov | Vemstante, Flowsr,| ji , Daily CONSUMPTION, 50 Tous. ODONTO we Whitens the Tth gy ee DESCKIFTIVE LISTS FREE RICHARD SWITH & CO., Worcester. | 4 SOLD RETAIL EVERYWHERE. |p reste Bese ' — : :

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ICAL NGDOM Decemprr 24, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LC NDON CHARIVARI, 289 onus A ae He. ‘“‘A—pbon’T you FIND Existence AN AwruL Borr!” She. ‘‘A—WELL, SOME PSOPLE’S EXISTENCE—MOST DECIDEDLY |” But the Grandfather was wrong — the bills were unchangeable. And ever will be! YULE-TIDE—OLD AND NEW. At THE COMMENCEMENT OF THE CENTURY. AND The pi merry in the old At THe Exp ov THe Century. ictures on the were| And certainly it was dull enough in all and mistletoe. They had | conscience. Nowadays yee E: is dull. woods. Then the tables | Although it was towards the end of Decem- pombe pm * ay, Ba og The baron | ber, the room was decorated with summer of Sf beef was flanked with plum-pudding and ager mince-pies. There never was a more jovial side- with a recherché crew. The compliments of the season were for t wa ong & Gus 2% round, and the Christmas Waits,| Russe. But ir Christmas roughl ter of his 4 Pron A " man—somebody’s Grandson — suggested a “TI gi "Een Fnctualy org said the round ,, Lee I actually forgot it was) to? cat wet up o Mi Wea | “ You ean’ up a Missing Compe- | titi “Mi my Grandson, you "1 ae, Sere oe eS yoo of , and sealed it in a ket. he cal "out the sentence, © pre- sent season of the year is known as— Then they all tried I —~ said *‘ unfavourable,” another oe third dreary,” and a ry some,” “ Who would have onskt'e of it?” was the ery The word chosen was ‘ Christmas.” “Fancy anyone remembering Christmas! Even for a Missing Word Competition! Every seems changing nowadays!” But the was wrong —his Christmas bills were unchangeable. And ever will be! “ART COMPETITIONS.” “Since these competitions were started, the public had been educated in artistic matters, and their judgment was oy pote | to that of the members of the Royal A cademy. ——— Poland's Speech in the “ Missing Word" case Mr. Porawp said, at Bow Street, pictures thus imparts ‘At the House of Burlington ouse bs at pistaees, — S thrilling, Stared with awe-struck admiration At ‘‘the Picture of the Year,” Gained artistic education In a stuffy a Then all changed ; Bo ieee chilling And he sent his oou ‘o a wee! . ve rocky paring And be wisel blamed, yet Tle bare eihinn of le re ee eT a bd —; ~ phprer ech » BS tty | Whieh vent ee mee. Dictarsatanced bya dota, Storey staggered Boventon beaten by a baker nna h helpless Hoox’; one surpassed by sausage-maker, CoorgR conquered by a cook ! Crowe or CrorTs oudet ly a eae P —~-- + plucked a aoe ay owe ETTIEZ LzlenTow Aira ven OE “ A Nore ow Tue Appreciation or Goip.” —Send a five-pound note (verified by the Bank of ~y 9-4" our office, and we will undertake to I changed immediately, and thereupo r

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Decempzn 24, 1892. THE “T confess it does seem to me that certain decisions made by a competent tribunal have rendered it extremely doubtful whether there is a single one of the 670 gentlemen who now compose the House of Commons, who might not find himself, by some accident, unseated, if a full investigation were made into everything that had taken place in his constituenc Tid during the ten years preceding his candidature. oe Balfour at She — M.P. (of any Party paly. mont ms _ It’s all very fine, when you gather to dine, nd to blow off the steam, while you blow off your ’bacea, SKELETON AT THE FEAST. As the farmers of Aylesbury did, when their wine “ Was sweetened with ‘* news from the Straits of Malacca”); on their lucks, Since BaLrour's confounded " tribunals ” got busy. What stiff posers to loyal Primrosers Are Sored by Rothester, Walsall, and Hexham!

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Decemasr 24, 1892.) fl iN «lite yi SUCH A HAPPY FAMILY PARTY—AT CHRISTMAS. Uncle John (losing his money and his Ssapat ** Now, Janz, po ME A FAVouR For ONCE, AND DON'T sHOW YouR Hanp!” invariably over “I can’t uELP ir, You sHow rour Hanps, ann I’m sune Aunt Jane (whose best Cards her Partner has over -trwmped), rmsy re wo Beauties!” (After this, there's @ prospect of a very pleasant evening. Platform perorators, post-prandial glosers, Stentorian cheers, and u uproarious hear-hears Must find many polate to perplex "em and vex ' em. Though welcome, won't banish the sense of “* wet-blanket ” (That ’s Incotpspy’s rhyme), when Petition-bred fears = me ees pees Sa See, would flourish Coat-tails at fas tosent: Conjure up a grim Skeleton (Judge) at the Banquet ! When doubts of rf hist ete be he . aemoan THE SHORTEST DAY. M Snort verse ; We need, | Appear as Autolycus-cum-ANANIAS. Most terse One might jut sight just as soon be a Man-in-the-Moon, Mo | Thi —— fit day. — sight Lone ich At tos Once more Crowed proud P. penta at te in time “Gari yo'your Sat swotraditery. Ercomively ee, SPP a Of course. o Agent ghd acy lsteal Rehr perpen mee ’ Purity ! For Loxeriow's longest lines skip along when we've long longed for the Longest Day. (Signed) Tovcusrons. Mrirraxy Morro ror tae New Sovrn Loxpon Hos- PITAL OPENED Last Furpay sy THE Duxz or Youx.—"‘ Eyes right!” THE CHOICE OF BOOKS. To various opinions the quidnunes give voice, Bat te heol cele ut Locke” ok ond ~. S

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292 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE LAST WORD. | yk eilagle pao on te, ant it open; the (A Domestic Drama of the Day before Yesterday. ) ther nantore neha famuly crowd round excitedly). ow we shall Scuwn.—The Breakfast Room at Linoleum Lodge, the suburban| S02! Where's the Peeve? Hue foce fells) Y Why cnt Sey rendence of Samvet SropexrorD, Esq. Mr. and Mrs. Stoper- rorD, their con PaRweEnas, and daughters Pomrriia and Pris- CILLA, discovers at breakfast. Robert. Bes, Mr. Stodgeford. We shall probably get it t annoying and Word—’cause I

though the delay is—ah—to some e Aone | ae ae Head the ie ora do! | allow ourselves to be unduly impatient. I regard these the Je in food time. (Addressing | ioe My by ae RE : an interesting se ef | Pairs to engage in this apy ye uneducated t tic exam —an young the-ab— <aiee of words. ‘a ‘Read | | that our united efforts will this time be | crowned with snocess. | won't one of the two hundred and fifty ‘ou Parmenas 8S. The value of one word, I should say, Father. Last | Robert. 1 didn’t mean no harm, Sir, I sent in nothink—it was week, as there were very few who guessed right, i “amounted to a on’ iy considerable sum. tasty (Gancing erith oxapenes)- Oh, never mind Rosert now, wh EE we oy ~ , no doubt, mn Dy Free di yl g' med og Word ». If you cont im nothi t t e natural curiosi r ignoring their x 80 + ~P dd nM WL muah the beter Pao. SS be adjective, and I see no reason myself to doubt : ’

P. It is almost impossible that it we sent in and careful deliberation, no _ Parmenas. I drew up « list of synonyms hundred and separate solutions, and not | which, I flatter myself, was practically ex- a single one of solutions, Sir, proves to haustive. be the correct one!

ira thing next morning aides moni are not vouchenfod to us withos! © purpose. It may be “‘ nonsensical.”

Mrs. 8. Sie aay re es oe es 1/2 eZ lnchade:| ta he cntasteeyhe woold, fn ot . of were, “* idiotic,” and I’m VS /) Spe a ey i" Now I venture to assert afraid they Can cosh dee LM t nothing short Lat oy ee genius could pos- Mr. 8. 1 wouldn’t say that, Sormrowza. ee What do you mean by inter- It is not always the most i “— ing me. that—let me run over the Pea That -where is last week’s paper have it. (He procures it and reads with unction. ‘The lark, as has been frequently «, 4—* is in the habit of anaes high altitudes in the exercise of his vocal vio ate me Give me the apa. snatches it.) Oh, listen to this Pee number of solutions sent tn wen. fins bimndoed functions. Scientific meteorologists, it is gave the correct solution was Mr. Ronert Conxiine, true, do not consider that there is any im- f Linoleum Lodge, Camberwell...” Oh!’ Why, mediate danger of a descent of the sky, but that's you powues | many bird-catchers of experience are of Robert. ¥ ea I told pa ove ** Nothink,” Twenty-five thousand ! | Ay toma Tee yon, ll ‘not mney vg vt iece of —ah—unmerited sas “ies chaniood » by you under this humble roof. Shake hands, my opinion that, should such a contingency happen, the number of these feathered note sters included in the ca’ ee ee all oti,” of ‘commas be simply —— It might be idietie but I fancy “ ineal.- culable’ or “appalling” would be nearer the mark. Parmenas. Too obvious, J should say. 5 you had adopted Od more of the words I Mic 1 sure ia. Wait, Papa—don’t shake hands till I’ve done—(continuing)—** Mr. ConxLune, however, moving ~~ he to disregard our Sy = em requiring got tren Bigte Fieen ara, wa Sees hove onnren fe ete eopess ie ing” om Qurtded a. and-twopence | “1 sold my Chanst to the Butcher-boy !"” Teesily 7 matifled to the pat as for oe a = her eee te a rope: oo Mr. 8. py dare you use my —— mp for your illiterate *RISCILLA, WE ru y superstition, depend upon it re attem ir no good | Pri (ecting the paper). Why don’t you read it all P——‘* We Pompika. You think ou know so much, because jou've |been are prepared nevertheless, to waive this informality, and a to London Universit — bat we "ve been to a High School ; so we're cheque for the full amount of ee pty om | act chosiate ee | ARMENAS! am 5 wank payable, to his order, will be Mr. ConwxLine ac- "rie ’m sure people ve dreamt which horse was cordingl ering to win © otto over ond ever eae! Mr. fg. Well, Rosmnr, you deserve it, I must say—shake hands! S. Come, come, let us have none of these unseemly disputes! —I—ah—mean it. And, when pe ng tg ey with—ah—a mere Robert. Thankee, Sir, I’m sure—it was Cook and Jaye ’elped me, gambling tran ae ey TT injustice to us all. Sir, but—(dolefully)—I sold my chanst to the me ha for ou forget that we hard for success; we tu and a mou have given our whole Tough nd time to the subject. I have r. S. Fan eit e ecta tink ey A stay at home from the o coy aioe day. Your mother has better another time; and now os vt cane, Bae no leisure for the cares of the household ; your brother has sus- copies of Tiddler—s periodical which offers eo pended his studies Se We cepreecns ensemnation, apt gue siier ah—substantial sareingss, deserves aos wee ee (Bait sister her labours at the East End—on purpose to our com- Kosgrr.) Now Mother, Parwenas, girls—all of let us set to bined intelligence to the subject. And are we to be told that we Sy gat ead ye are no better than the multitude whe speculate on horse- more fortunate with the nezt competition, We'll have Cook and racing! I am not angry, my child, I am only—{ Enter Rovent, Jame, ead—eh—Resans in to help; the honeowark com leak after 'RISCILLA the Page, with ’ Miscell itself f - +» What is it now, ha, at lust. Why dids’t yon bring % up before, Bit ? rmat Prise. Pat ; seen thi of have known it was important ! the decision at Bow Street, those who send solutions for this,

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ally itl > Hi Le ae 3 be THE MISSING WORD. QUEER QUERIES. AvTosioeRaPaHicaL.—I aire i. 3.8 oh fie d.. i he Fite : past lf zt oie as Par via aE oak its ig} “a3 He th.” —Daily yn a Damon on the Rivier Tor oun SF Ment “At least, the 4 unk tite ip Li a ie = lide iil ing-car says othe a about, enly, 8 ea i ‘me a whether it would be advisable io He au Be Quite I found it out. in no time AUT Tdi 31 ae A His! tit a i i Bea. a aie ri - a HIP rai! i = — OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL any future competitions, will not be ann Dscumsan 24, 1892.) and i ii ak LAYS OF MODERN HOME cure wi y dainties run The cheapest — ** This is my Griep, 1 Such messy stuff in ! fare; ysterious vagrant, dost that inexpensive yself Thyself, Let picturesque Their cloying i I don’t see much to bu Lives there a cit with Who never to himself M

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. |Decemexr 24, 1892, Lady Grace, “‘Ou wo! PRIVATE THEATRICALS. A REHEARSAL. The Captain, ‘AT THIS STAGE OF THE PROCEEDINGS I vz cot To Kiss rou, Lapy Grack, WILL your HusBanD MIND, DO YOU THINK!” Ir’s ron a CHARITY, You know!” “CHRISTMAS IS COMING!” “ Canrsrmas is coming!” Pleasant truth To all—save the dyspeptic ! To most in whom some smack of youth Hath influence —— Pessimists prate, and be-rate The time of mirth and holly But why should oo sages ** slate” The juvenile and jolly ? : some churls at our mirth repine ” (As old Geones Wrruenr put it), We'll whiff our weed, and sip our wine, And watch the y: oot it. They did so in guaint Wrrner’s time, hen wi -bowls were humming, And - tele laugh, and church- — vor Chsistenes | is coming |” * Getteane oomtag te Let him bring ‘Mirth to the toiling milli ion. ‘) bells A ‘one That 's writ in leaf and berry ; At hie dull bro A ney nas, won't flare, Because—** Christmas is coming!” Good Greybeard Sire Spa Sea ee eee any Feat with tals o trouble is your heart's desire, And so you Oe tein double | Pleasant to see dear Chari mas wes” in glaring This announcement is too early. ‘* Christmas Comes,” it should be, | the “p ‘or announcement of his ure. —— THE PORTER’S SLAM. {A meeting at Manchester has raised a against the nuisance caused fy Ga aae “ slamming” of railway carriage doors. ]} has a patent “‘ slam,” tic emites = like a blow, that porter eomes, pve ” is sure to go. It stk = eae the tym-pa-num : of dynamite ; By 7-4 it nearly —— a dumb— It ens you at When startled by that en “slem,” y loud Nate he fonts rare.) sale it cause a shock, By raising of a stir, All saltpapvtsnvelions will ox rs ** Bully for Man-ches-ter! ” x 4 Dirsetery, for 1893.—Invaluable, spate friend admi ed Se Biya t - - FF yarehy about twenty-five feet to use it? Why—see inside—it is

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—_— —— ——— rr — PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Dscemssn 24, 1892. AN NYS SW og

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Decemssr 24, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

MIXED NOTIONS.—No. Il. UGANDA. Scerzs—As before, a to London. from the siastic about Uganda. Inquirer. y not ? A, Ratlway-carriage ing tram ; , Persons also as before—namely, june Welb-inlermed |" Beene Men, an Inquirer, and an Average Man. First Well-informed Man ing down his “ Goverament's gang te sick to Uganda, after all ro ouldn't be allowed to scuttle. of it, and ‘ve go daresay they ‘re deu i” Tie te (an lage in a suburban " you’re ri don’t know that I’m et ee sti tr) M. What are we going to get out of it ?—that’s the question. H We go interfering all over the world, grabbing here, and there, merely in nigger King, with a cold in Union Jack. That’s an order to keep other people out; his head, eee coll "s sneezes a8 he passes the| the Missionaries

all very but you Berlin Conference made one of our eres of influence. qi . Wh sath en was First W. I. M. Why, ot after the Franco- War. = ae in Berlin to settle up everything— and we got Ups Inquirer. 1 thought it was later than that, somehow. First W. I. M. Well, anyhow, it was some- where about that time. I don’t pledge myself to a yearortwo. But what I say about U; is Sather ‘he Collinge rather the Company is ee pane - simply isgrace ourselves fore the whole world if we chucked anit sponge now. we did, we should have Fran German P Second W. I. M. Why not! Because it’s our sphere of influence daresay;| | forget that the, |

AY| 4 j

A “6, A SALVE FOR THE CONSCIENCE. Vegetarian ‘essor, ‘‘No, MapaM, wot Even Fisn. I CANNOT SANCTION THE DesTrucrion ion THESE LITTLE ANIMALS, FOR INSTANCE, WERE BUT YESTERDAY SwIMMING HAPPILY IX THE Sma.” Mrs. OLaughlan. “‘Ou nut, Proresson, Just THINK IT’s THE Finsr Time THE POOR LITTLE THINGS HAVE EVER BEEN REALLY WARM IN THEIR Lives!”

wrasere be I don't uite know ppens. . 1’m afraid (temidly). 1’m you “ a quiamakeitont the . going to ape < ae gra od roug there? It used to be- long to the SULTAN oF Zanzipar. Don’t you remem ber ? Inquirer. Of course ; so it did. [Train draws up at Terminus, “'Twas WHISPERED Ivart in The Nine teenth , on ** Happi in Hell,” — a word “‘ unmentionable to ears polite,” tes th :—“Sir,—We ’ave known pas Otel.’

. and,” exclaims Mr. Wacerarr, “what a great day will be his Soentenary |”

TTLE.”’—See this charming piece at the Criterion. yypHa© in illustra-

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[Dscumesr 24, 1892, PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL « ALUVd ” SVWLSINHD SNOINOWYVH SHL iINOILVYNIGWOO “13AON ONV AddVH

‘A> —_ . Vine

Ray? ) D7 Wi ys <4 Ja 2 4 Mpg tes a nh ha \ " ~~ tps 7

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Decrmser 24, 1892.) PONCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, 299 CHOOSING CHRISTMAS TOYS. | _ Bre. &. I shuns thought cheapness wis s question of what Tson ‘or (4 Sketch im the Lowther Arcade. ) "ee news But I can afford it, dear Sorm1a—thanks to dear Between the sloping banks of toys, and under a dense foliage of Joux's bounty, and—and yours. coloured rosettes, calico banners, and Japanese-ianterns, the con- | Mrs. S. You mustn't thank me. J had nothing to do with it. I gested Stream of Custom oozes , with an occasional warned Joun at the time that it would only——and it seems I was overflow into the backwaters of the s behind, while the Stall- right. And Reeers has a butcher's shop—a really good one—already. keepers keep up a batrachian and almost automatic croak of In fact, iL equlda't ton you whet Be Sasw'tqust je. I ean, though, Aunt Vorwie. I haven't got a train, for tnvitation. | R Fond Grandmother. So you've chosen a box of soldiers, have yeu, one thing! (To his Mother, as she drags himon.) 1 should like a Franxy? — well. little tin train, te Sew whet Gal wo ot dedvuctte- an for little Ersrz and Baby ? would do nicely for Exsre, randmamma, and — J G know, a fort foe Baby! Grandm. (doubtfully). But they ’re such Kittle tots — they won't know how to play with them. Fr . Oh, but I can teaeh them, you know, Grandmamma. —I like to see a boy kind to his little sisters. [She FRaNKY’s g% F atts rested ion. A Mother. Now, Peacy, it’s all nonsense —you can’t want any more toys—those you’ve t are as good as new. ai ; an id ine ! trust his toys out of their boxes, won’t allow anyone else to touch them! he Friend. Dear little fellow—then I’m sure he ~~ = \\ rooms | ae wee a8) > =e ett, tl, SSN NARA = . ve me no peace give him some- thing. I know—but mind this, Percr, it’s only to keep you quiet, and I’m not going to buy Eppre pat a Friend.) He gives all Ais things away as it is! {Master Pency takes both these valuable moral lessons to heart. Mrs. Stilton (to her less por Sister-in-law, rs. Buioomotp). Non- sense, Vinnie, I won't hear of it! Reeere has more toys already than he : = : = “ ° with! — 3 14 rs. loom. apologeti- : j cally). course, my Ii dear Sornm, I know — . > | | Li every——but still, ‘ —_— - have no one but myself [A j Mh, now, you know—and if I = z might—it would be such ae e! * all SAE SEs ————— =e a = ASSEN S SS Se el aS we SS =" >a; WS SS ~s * ** »- . | +e -_ i ~eat - ——_ Ws Vs SSS Hi WS SSS SS NOT SAAAAE \ +s SSOOOON SSS '} ASS SS \ “ Er—I want a Toy of some sort—for a Child, don’, you know!” : occasion for your spending | stand, Sir. One of these little ‘orses and carts are a very nice £ | present a? _o languid commendation)—the Jittle ’orse .. The V. M. Um—yes—but I want something more—a different hind of thing altogether of| Salesw. We a great many of these rag-dolls ; all the clothes take off and on. The V. M. Isn't that rather——and then, for a boy, eh ? Salesw. P’ raps a box of wooden soldiers would be a more suitable | toy for a boy, certainly.

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300 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, [Decmmesr 24, 1892. —— ——---— The V. M. Soldiers, ch —yes—bat you see, it might turn out to be a girl after all—and then—— Salesw. | see, you want something that would do equally well for either. Here’s a toy now. (She brings out ateam of little tin soans on wheels.) You fix a stick in the end—so—and w it in front of you, and all the little swans go up and down. ; ; —P ee pale eneunn allies ene. ”, M. (inapecting it feebly). Oh—the swans go down, eh? It isn’t quite—but very likely it won’t—May as well have that on equethian dite — Sea, you can send it to—let me see—is it stead or Notting Hill they ’re living at now ? ( Tothe Saleswoman, w naturally cannot assst him.) Ro, of course, you wouldn't kmow. Never mind, I'll take it with me—don’t trouble to wrap it \ (He carries it a at promptly ina . A Genial Uncle (entering with Nephews and ra) Thety to choose here, eh ? about pote see what you’d best. Jane (the eldest, sixteen, and “‘ quite a little woman”). I’m sure they would much rather you chose for them, Uncle! _ Uncle. Bless me, I don’t know what boys and girls like nowadays = —¥ choose = ay: Oe - . (wearily). Perhaps one young gentlemen would like A ja ah es a ? The handle turns, you see, and all the little buckets go round the chain and take up sand or mud—or there’s a ine ee that’s a nice toy, throws a stream of real water. omMY, while the fire-engine finds favour in the eyes of Bossy, nine. Jane oughtfaly I’m afraid the ing-machine is rather a messy toy, , and the fire-engine wouldn’t do at all, either—it would be sure to encourage them to play with fire. Bossy, if you say “‘ blow!” once more, I shall val Siother. Unele is the judge of what’s suitable for you ! Unele. Well, there’s something in what you 7 must see if we can’t find something better, that’s Salemo. I’ve a little Toy- ige, ’ere—with scenes and characters in “ Richard Cured o’ Lyin’” complete ; how would =“ ame heer up visibly ot this | omMY BBY c 7 at this suggestion. Jane. 1 don’t think Mother would like them to have that, Cncle— it might give them a taste for theatres, you know! Uncle. Ha—so it might—very thoughtful of you, Janz—Mustn’t get in your Mother’s s; never do! What’s in these boxes ? soldiers * How about these, eh, boys? [The boys are again consoled. Jane (gently). They’re getting rather too big for such babyish things as soldiers, Uncle! I tell you what J —if you got a nice uzzle-map for Tommy—he ’s so backward in his a rawing-slate for Boppy, who’s getting on so nicely with his draw- ing, and a little work-box—not an expensive one, of course—for Wixwre, that would be quite—— [These sisterly counsels are rewarded by ungrateful and rT roars. Uncle. Tommy, did I hear you address your sister as a “* beast” ? Come—oome! And what are you all on the waterworks for, t off their tastes! eh? Strikes me, Jawz, you rue Jane (virtuously). I have only you what I know Mother would wish them to have, Uncle; and, evenif 1 amto have my ankles kicked for it, I’m sure 1’m right! Uncle. Always a tion, my dear Jewwr. I’m sure no nephew of mine would kick his sister, except by the merest acci- dent—so let’s say no more of that. But it’s no use 7 what they don’t like ; so suppose we stick to the and the other concern—theatre is it, Jomwny ’—Very don’t you|B et me into trouble over ’em, that’s all. And Wuorwre would like a oll, eh ?—that’s all right. Now everybody's provided for—except Jane! Jane ( frostily). Thank you, Unele—but you seem to forget I’m ast sonathy 2 ahitd jhe seadka out of the shop with dignity Uncle. Hullo! Put my foot in it again! Bat we can’t leave Jenny out of it—can we? Must her a present of some sort over > ... Here, Tommy, my boy, you can tell me ’d like. ‘ Debby patermte Tommy). What did you tell Uncle to get or JANE Tommy (with an unholy chuckle). Why, a box with one of those pace in it. Don’t you know how we caught her powdering er nose with Mother's? And Uncle got her one too! on’t she be shirty just! Silay edb ent eo en-cateny af ctiageiitnity Gateiienn ” aged eleven, is charmed with the dredging-machine, ( OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Tue Baron’s Diarist and Date Examiner makes the following ex- haustive notes :—first that Mr. C. Lerrs describes some of his Pocket Diaries as ‘‘ The Improved.” There is nothing so good but what it could be better. Lett’s admit this, and be with the latest edition of Letts’Annuals, which are prizes, though, until Jan. 1, blanks. The Paradise of the North, by Davip Lawson Jonwstons. When a gentleman chooses the North Pole as a Paradise, he must be allowed any amount of Latitude and Longitude. This explorer leaves his Cuampers (the Publishers of that ilk) in order to get out of the world by the coldest route. | 7 ‘ >. A note on Inwes & Co. “ Innes” has several Outs this season. Cheery name for a Christmas Publisher, ‘‘Innes.” We take our ~ If eee ir dainty books artlemy’s Child, RANCES COMPTON, @ very pretty story. L. B. Waxrorp (the authoress of Mr. Smith) condescends to write For Grown- Up Children, a number of delightful tales. Messrs. Oscoop as good as ever. Why not follow up their Bret Harte Birthday Book > Harte-tistically got up) with a Sweet- Heart Birthday Book? Madame Van pe VELpE has compiled this. Jur sparklingest Baronite exclaims, ** Velde done hag Thanks to Marcus Warp & Co. for The Cottar’s Saturday Night, by Rossre Burws. ‘Oh, wad some friend the giftie gi'e us ” would like this for a Christmas present may say, adapting the poet to his purpose. ** A most sweet as, with sobs in — to your another of E tinitree: CP} NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Prin in ne case be returged, not even when sccompanied by a Stamped and there will be no exception.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Dsomosn 24, 1692. AL” WINS MERCHANTS AND GROCERS. AT EVERY BAR AND RESTAURANT. CURIOUS OLD HIGHLAND WHISKIES . 7 W BW es yoits tt week. o pet ok. 4/- 60/- T2)- 120/- An a Medical Rinks r arene Whisky be sand Dethiled List on MOREL BROS, $,, OOBRETT & SON ” rat FIgoAD! x es 143, Whisky ito. Rotts, Inverness, #.B. SAMUEL BROTHERS. SCHOOL OUTFITS. * and ead A verious with Price Lists, &c ink tho om fe REE this eminent always kept in r “Eron ” Suir SAMUEL BROTH Merchant Tailors, b ee &c., Led 6, Levosrs Hut, Ladonhe IN _* Bt and 4, Gray’ Road AIPPINGILLE’S Warminc STOVES. THE BEST OTL STOVES IN THE WORLD FOR WARMING CDOURLESS, SMOZELESS, PORTABLE, SAPE, AND CLEANLY. Prices from a few Shillings. Soin sr att lnoxmowonns anD up Deacens. Ask fo RIPPINGILLES, and take no other. THE ALBION LAMP CO... BIRMINGHAM aon Sess = COAL =TAR: ~ SOAP Ss. & H. HARRIS’S HARNESS, COMPOSITION sapDLe RAbTE 8. H. HARRIS. S. & EBO (We POLISHI ING HARRIS’S | Sees ane Baste _—a INDON. Shinatnedeeee “LONDO SAVORY and MOORE'S BEST, FOOD ron, INFANTS ts., ., and 10s., E JONG'’S COCOA SUBPASSES ALL OTHERS WITHOUT EXCEPTION. 2-2. Sample Tins free arid postage paid on application to The Ghief Depot of De Jong’s Cocoa, 14-20, St. Mary Axe, London, B.C. lies GAINED THE ONLY COLD MEDAL -* WHiskEY PARIS UNIVERSAL EXHIBITION, 1909, AGAINST ALL COMPETITORS. DISTILLERY, BUSHMILLS, CO. ANTRIM. Offices, Mixx Srazer, Becrasr. London Office & Depot, 3 to 6, Camonrtez &r., EC. DINNEFORD'S MAGNESIA. For ACIDITY or rus STOMACH, HEARTBURN, HEADACHE, GOUT, and INDIGESTION. Sold throughout the World. | A TOILET POWDER ROUCHNESS OF THE NURSERY, Perfumers, &c. R. HOVENDEN & LONE, Horsen Street, W., and City Read, B.C, Lox pon. Sold only in l-ounce Packets, and 2, 4, § ounce, and |-Id. Tins, which keep the Tobacco im fine emoking condition. Ask &t all Totacco Sellers’, Stores, &c., and take no other. SMOKERS ARE CAUTIONED The Genuine bears the Trade-Mart, AGAINST IMITATIONS. “Wottingham Castle,” on every Packet and Tis. PLAYER'S WAVY CUT CICARETTES, ix Packets containing 12, and Boxes of 24. The following extract from the “ Revitw of Review,” Nov., 1800, it of interest to every Smoker: THE PIPE IN THE WORKHOUSE.—Thé picture Grawn by our Helper Of the poor G4 man in the workhouse, puffing away at an empty pipe, has touched the hearts of some of our correspondents. One who dates from the High Alps, and signs himself “ Old Screw,” sags; “I have been struck with your sug- gestion in the October number of the Review or Revirws Sede iandaniohatin damon houses with tobacco. | am afraid, jadged by the ordinary standards, ham ip pant ete ot pee pever ye for so-talled charity, but this echeme of fod at. pp 1: Ae ptr 9 Were oY wa thn bund. oat tony omm yg Aap -- would the ‘PLAYERS HAVE CUT’ th i London, I would o> enetals @ mean af whet 4 I consider the BEST SMOKING TOBACCO (this is not an advertisement). I duciose, Suivchenra chienothr thocmeane? CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. pf F H eR, | is, if another nf UARTER CAPES. LADIES’ THREE Made from Eiderdon, gettwene or plain warm. The acme 7, + fort “ Woot aves wih Deep Os , inside Patch Pockets of same material, ving Cuffs and Hood if desired, 24 Guineas. THE “EIDERDON” RUC. “Tus Qvueex " says, Nov. 2st, 1801 >" An ideal IF for use as & wna Gow either when travelil orte over an inv ‘ couch, we hold it un squelled On receipt of remittance, 36+, a care- } cclected Rug will be forwarded carriage free, Ly age ON APPROBATION e need be paid, and at ome refunded. TRISH FRIEZE ULSTER COATS and Winter Wraps of all kinds for Coesonen, | London Cr yasrenee stock is i ia oot ‘Unter full sot tof BOYD & t 00, "BELFAST. OTARD'S = FAMOUS V.S.0.P. BRANDY. Gs. per Dos. Cash. (BOTTLED IN COGNAC, AND VERY CHOICE) SUPPLIED BY ARNOLD, PERRETT, & CO.,LD., FAMILY WINE MERCHANTS, te, LOWER BELGRAVE STREET, LONDON, 6.W., AND BRANCHES. CHIPPING NORTON mo carr remittances will

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Decemszr 24, 1892. ee een ie Crosse & Blackwell’s PICKLES, SAUCES, MALT VINEGAR, JAMS, SOUPS, & POTTED MEATS, MAY BE OBTAINED FROM ALL GROCERS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD. CROSSE & BLACKWELL, LIMITED, SOHO SQUARE, LONDON. BEST establishea | LIEBIG COMPANY’S” suit, OG) "= EXTRACT OF BEEF.

Ter

CATTLE ON THE WAY TO FRAY BENTOS. PERFECT PURITY ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEED, Keeps for any length of time in any climate. MAKES THE FINEST AND MOST NOURISHING BEEF TEA. Highest Awards at all the principal Exhibitions since 1867, and declared oe ABOVE COMPETITION SINCE 1885. INFANTS, See Signature (as ~~ Forty Pounds = gee in . \s of Prime Lean Toss t Beef used CHILDREN, Label pe each Jar to Bn, ONE INV A I IDS, <a Genuine Nter 4 of this and THE AGED. COOKERY BOOKS (Indispensable for Ladies) SENT FREE Im Patent Air-Tight. Tins. on application to LIEBIG’S EXTRACT OF MEAT COMPANY, LIMITED, 9, FENCHURCH AVENUE, E.C. EEE

LEA & PERRINS SAUCE The On‘orvat and Genuine WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE tha Crd Ce 2 ASK FOR LEA & PERRINS’ SAUCE. Whokeale and for Export by the Proprieirs, Worcester ; Crosse & Blackwell, London, éc., &c. ; and by Grocers and Oilmen throughout the World, RETAIL EVERYWHERE.

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‘eves Zalvart Dtonek inte Prbciaet of W hitedrnm, ts ine City of London, sod pohtame hm S48. th Wioet Bueno the Farlh of BL beades Cay of Lontom~darcacsY, December ioe