Punch 1892-12-17: Vol 103 Iss 2684

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HW! BRESS ePanitce F™ | HANDY VOLUME EDITIONS. Handy-Volume “SHAKSPEARE.” 13 Vols. in Case, Cloth 21/-, Leather 31/6, Handy-Volume “WAVERLEY.” 25 Vols. in Case, Cloth 45/-, Leather 73/6. Handy-Volume “SCOTT.” 32 Vols. gilt edges, in Case 63/-, Leather 97/6. Handy-Volume “SCOTT POETRY.” 7 Vols. in Case, Cloth 12/6, Leather 25/- PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. Handy-Volume “BIBLE.” 11 Vols. in Case, Cloth 21/-, Leather 31/6. 4 : ‘ : A Say JA “UL LS ) Se eth eed a 62) a Pe be Ol i. th ie it Vol. Ae TD tim: see, fi i , j Py i EF ol Ni SS hs nm f Qa \ f fi tl wily, Ht ber Te 'S A: : _ PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, “~~ es i ' LONDON, PRICE THREE PENCE. ~~» DRAPER'S 1 “THE BEST BLACK INK . C. BURNAND’S Very Much Abroad—Rather at Sea—Quite at Home—Happy Trought:—Some Old Friends. 5/~es. Mustrated.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Decemper 17, 1892. HENTY'S NEW STORIES. BRITON. Ht. — "h, -* | ” MR. ERIC THE oy. With is page Te ae ’ page I GREEK WATERS: A Stery of me Grecian Wer of , Sptepentence Sty wih trices eokolnp Get, e. Cogpmenr AS A oN THI. | Let: A Beery ot Senge Oem Ger su we = | A He paar BLACKIE & SON, Leurrep ee? SMOKE CANTAB CICARETTES, wire PATENT HOLDER TUBES. leotine, stains of Ongers, soiling gloves Sir Morrell Mackenzie advised smoking through a tube TY ae or VIRGINIA, Is YTTI'S best. Pree Avoid n The iate Boxes of ®, scents Boun ev Leapree Tosaccowrers, or at the Factory, +45, CARLE ‘STREET, 1 LIV ERPOO. Buquisite Model. Perfect rit. o Guaranteed Wear. ne ~ “Yel PATENT DIAGONAL SEAM CORSET. WH not split in the Reames nor tear in the Fabric. ‘The and by ai the Prinetp and Ladies Ow mare Gere Meoace united ioien a “POR THE BLOOD I8 THE LIFE.” GLARKE’S WORLD-FAMED BLOOD MIXTURE” from ws sree cause ariming For berofuin,Scurv' WRATEVERE ause orteing F ———_ Scurvy, anc of a and ‘widiaad Counties brug Co B ” arucess Imitation “ EXCELLENT—of Great Value.”— Lancet, June 15, 1889. a| CONCENTRATED Gold Medals, 1884, 1886. PEPTONIZED = ec se. COCOA ano MILK WEAK DICESTIONS. DELICIOUS. Tins, 1s. 6d. and 2s. 6d., obtainable everywhere. DICESTIBLE. SAVORY & MOORE, LONDON. ‘HOWELL & JAMES, Ltd., 6, 7 & 9 REGENT ST., LONDON, THE NEW PATENT “Self-Closing” Bracelets, Wover Slip in Whatever Positics Placed, MAPPIN & WEBB’S SPOONS & FORKS 4, CLOSED | “The Bracelet of the Future.” Cc PRICES. In Gold. Set with Gems. 09 With Watch centre ,, ____ TV Or parvenne. CASH’S CAMBRIC FRILLINGS. DRAWING CORD * dated INTO THE CAMBRI A GOOD FUR - LINED OVERCOAT for £10. BNEW ILLUSTRATED PATTERN BOOK POST FREE FROM J. & J. CASH, Coventry. Dl Mr F New HOWARD “At the INTERNATIONAL _ was, i STRERT, you bie Pur-line* oo collar and cuffs, for £1" 6 Sh are seal 6! otter, and beaver. Nothing comfortable = ie Worn than Fur or Fur- lined coats. © Leremwationat Fea Srons, | Mace? Sracer, there fo is the finest collection of Fur ! Pur. lined garments n London, either for ladies tlemen, and the 1 yaleds quoted will be found io ywer than at any othe: house THE INTERNATIONAL FUR STORE, REG ouriens cous = Oriental = JouN Bi BRINSMEAD & SONS’ PLANOS. sOuN —_ 4 4 & BONS, Temporary Address, 14, New Bows Sraser, W BEDFORD PLOUGHS. TERARITE, _(itaios) CIGARS. arded ; ot 18 Wwe ls. Od. and 2s. 3d. ( ‘ wand Zhe per ino Post Pree. Pe Lid.) 69, Strand, W.C ; 74, Strand | (Rast India House), and ead ied Chonpaide, he. hor toms. 168 | ee 198, P, Regent St., _London. ‘JEWSBURY & BROWN’S zn Carries Genomes our = Tooth oe ease srown. OXFORD.-MITRE HOTEL. ONE OF THE MOST BCONOMICA!, FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE KIXGNoy SPUARE, —_o——= FINEST SITUATION EVERY LUXURY ano COMFORT. most récHercut CUISINE. VERY MODERATE FRERES FIRST QUALITY

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DecemBer 17, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. THE WILD WILD EAST. | First Coster. ‘‘Say, Bint, OW D'YER LIKE MY NEw KicxsEys? Goop Fit, zn?” | Second Coster. ‘‘¥rr! PLicrick Srroxs!” Tuer arn't no Fir, Tuey're A HAper- MIXED NOTIONS. No. L—BI-METALLISM. Scenxr—A Railway-carriage in a suburban morning train to London. There are four Passengers, two of whom are well-informed men, They tre — is an age ap at men dogg man, travel up to London toget every morning by the same train. The two Well-informed Men and the Average Man are City men ; the Inquirer is a young Solicitor. They have finished reading their morning papers, and are now re to impart or recewwe know bs Inquirer. They don’t seem to be making much of this Monetary Conference in Brussels. First Well-informed Man. Of course they’re not. I knew how it would be from the start. I met Harcourt i o, and told him what I th * You mark my words,” I cle blessed thi ‘ Inquirer deeply essed). Ah! . 4 othe thing’s really as : as A BC. pee ee ee ne | with a gold standard, and we find that has appreciated. What’s the consequence ? silver down everyday, and com- is dislocated,—absolutely dislocated. All we have to do is to—— . I. M. (breaking in). One moment! When you say iated, you mean, of course, that the i increased—in other words, commodities are 80 P : . Well, what then? . What ’s your remedy? Do you think you can P Why, merce fixing a ratic between First W. I. M. (trwmphantly). Haven't Fe a Lath Rgh aty my = Re of beautiful — M Soey to, dat it's cla oe y is, it’s ue (vaguely), if we do the same as they, sick, there. Look a¢ the Bland Bill kind of thing in England ? irer. God forbid ! . as a matter of fact ? wi Tay, and Bis cep va heh t. Make . I. M. Yes, e m ‘iinstis bebworn geld end diver, call you'll never have the 4 ). How do you make that out ? "s as plain as a pi . Make si He u 5 HH su you'll want us to stalin, con ond everything coy RS eee res and you ve Gale : r Z bi- will. u We've com i BS a i 7 S... :. W. I. M. (decisively). The Bank can’t doit. Its Charter won't allow it. irer. How’s ? I never quite understood the Charter. the Charter the Bank has to—— he train having drawn up at a station, an jage. He is Srowned hecked, is not resumed. -L. M.). I think I’ve a dele i to you. , ii > it’s quite if you only take it. . (modestly). OUR “MISSING WORD COMPETITION.” Omar, COL kee Treasury prosecution wnder ist Jingo, ry 1, sec (Pommery) '74. (Heading, ‘‘ Wish you MR. PUNCH DestREs TO CONVEY TO ALL, URBI ET ORBI, HIS VERY KINDEST ror THE Comine CuRIsT- may get must be cut from the current number, and should N.B.— ‘ow-Street, E.C., with shillings for be sent to Sra Joun Barner, the Poor Boz to same address. Tue QuEEN AND THE SonestaEss.—In consequence of Her Gracious Mazesry’s approbation of Miss PaLiiser’s i or- mance at Windsor e, Sir Davxiotanus Wiesoneweis U srqui- |’ Tosvs has serious thoughts of asking the young cantatrice to change her name to Miss Roya Pariis-en; or, if she has the peneas of singing “‘ By Command” in London, to Miss Bucxrwenau ALLIS-ER. “Next Presse!” —My Brother’s Out—new work by Mrs. Lovett Camenor, Authoress of A Sister’s Sin.

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awh eit oat PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, [Decempmn 17, 1892. Ji m Baggs i* eee anak Ser ty “THE WANDERING MINSTREL.”! The Wandering Minstrel”). ““Tagy MAY SAY WHAT THEY LIKE AGIN THE County CovnciL ; 2 SAYS THEY'RE JOLLY Goop Friirrs.”

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Decempze 17 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, NN a ee A) 1 a8 Songer aN , > ; , ~ : Gear ~ = eg Y ta sags FEE MISPLACED QUOTATIONS. Young Jones (who, five minutes berore the announcement of Dinner, has been introduced to Miss Sprightly, and has been endeavouring to find a Sitting remark wherewith to open the conversation). ‘ * Ta1s—en—I BELIEVE IS CALLED THE—ER—‘ MAUVAIS QUART D'HEURE'/ villingly give a tanner to git ridof me! And do! Oh, Iknow “THE WANDERING MINSTREL.” the walley aia and» qvietness, cd err ere hon hunder odern Kensington Version sixpence at the house u now as there’s a a zi 4 ) aaaie lives” 4 Notice-plate says, ‘‘ Mister Tamnoun is A. London County Council has declined ‘to co-operate with the Ken- hout.” er! I know vot that means. I thinks as how he’ll mgere Vertey in 9 Sagem ee ee Cae to pA Anyhow I'll kick hi i bob. cad over itinerant m street-cries, and similar nuisances, run to & an y ox Rim s0r & ground that though the Council has power to make bye-laws for this object, [He strikes up, taking care to make as much nowe as possible. there are no means of enforcing them.) ’Tis hof a great Council in London doth dvell ; Scunz— Highly r Saves in Kensington. The exterior of Jest vot they are arter 'tvould floor me to tell.” Mr. Tamsovr’s house, Enter Jem Bacos (2.u.) playing the They’ re qvite # young body—not seving years old— elarinet badly. But they ‘ve spent a large fortin in 5 oliver and ‘0-0-old. i - B. (Jog. Vell now! that’s wt Selle ve tidy verk | Bob Singing, Ills ve vill cure all on the Sosherlist lay. tanner for seven doors ain’t none so ow me! Summat As the Council vere a sitting in their Chamber von day, bette Se oe ee "All the new popilar songs of the The W come to them, and thus it did say :— : day for « penny ! miserable vork that t vos to be sure! ‘* Ve're off to the Home Sec., street shindies to stay, allays a cryin shoud ha teeaa’® ‘Here y’ are—one ’undered and So put on your toppers, and come vith hus, pray!’ Here's, *am-te-rorroopyeay !"— Bl t Bene eS pena — Singing, &c. _ . = a haa s -. * Mary, oe Cag y rx **Nay, Westry,” said the Council, “‘ your vish is declined, Sern carte Bron | Feueuenee et prea ve eer meee Roe eee Chumenics / Cheam But the Public must bear it just a year or two more!” e ote eorgiing 'Fizs : ging, &e. = 344 ty J yA The Lotion- Lay’—‘ If **Go to, County Council!” that Westry replied, 4 gel — Down to the Derby vith a ** You svagger no end, and put on lots of side ; Pig HRY I ge oR a penny , | callin’ to th wiry it that en fx Boney Br I shall gtd ates J ety ~ aaa | ed pad ILS 9 Sayin’ $0 S0_ 00g, ; Hu mbden Oe 4 a violent ra at the uses Sent gr take the sp Ges 1 sings vonser | Ee aaa, and the rudom oponiog of the strect-deer. much the betterer!” ‘* Woice ai he, Jem Baggs (log.) Aha! I knew they couldn't stand that "dar and brass. piensa pet bane, brass for Out comes the sarvint vip monenee Couppenee, ane a are, in the Al's or out on’em.” ‘‘ But ’ow me to “‘move on.” Valker! There ai t no Bobby in Bruuy ?” says I. a > Rates be beet!” tar he. scornful. “ Who sional yn by, = under a shilling. Vell, “they may say vot to henforce ’ em? estries and Coun idk the County Council; J says they’ re jolly good fellers, —bless ’em !—von’t,” — he. “* So yer are, Jem shaatl va Til Mak their bloomin’ ’ealth out o’ that hartist cove’s bob, ven In course I tvigged. ith my woice and a vistle, sez I, they'll | I ge (Tunes up again.

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280 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Decemeer 17, 1892,

AT A VEGETARIAN RESTAURANT. accounts for it. I Scunn—'' The Nebuchadnezsar’s Head,” in the City. Time—The Ate you going to have another muff , Im. luncheon hour. The interior, which is bright, and tastefully Pe may wh Lady, with — hair and spectacles (lo Waitress). arranged, is crowded with the graminivorous of both sexes. ome —= fly “Bednen, H lik Clerks of a literary turn devour “ Fortnightly “and pore L, ort ’ ow would you like them done alternately, or discuss the comparative merits of modern writers —d la coco Lady-clerks lunch sumptuously and economically on tea and The E. L. a (ont pnt Cupaialy not. You will serve them care for a man that ate meat. ~ res ly dressed weedy Wa — ee sig Lp maeic rim Wi ™ r-! ha = -4 7 aa Paitrese ( pussled) 4a can p= you ‘Convent eggs” if you dietetic misnon to the dyspeptic. The E. L. I never encourage superstition—poach them. A Vegetarian Fianeé (who has met his betrothed by a intment, and is witiating her into the mysteries). I wish you'd take some- Enter a Vegetarian me with a Beaphyts, to whom he is thing more than s mustard-and-cress roll, though, Lovrs—it wr fen mphitryon

eee Second L. C. ( "Tc' hint Poi ore for man that se mest gives you such a poor idea of the thing. (With honest | )| The Veg. Enth. (selecting a table with ori care). Always like You just see me bal away this plate of porridge. At the ‘ ons | pT eS (The prettiest Waitress Daniel,” where 1 usually lunch, they give you twice he quantity and greets him with a sacerdotal sweetness, as one of of stuff they do here. — ny 5 the Neophyte—whom she detects, at a a= as Lowise (admiringly). I’m so glad I’ve you lunch. Saste he pale—she is severely tolerant.) Now, w | shall be able to famey every day exactly what you are having. pe dog yale (Passing him the bill of fare ry hy =~ (to as- ey. wm The Ni (in- mast imagination). < ~ | specting ww Mind you, I don’t j lA ae wg (Be crwHEAT CAKE ment helplessly). always ve porridge. be” | ler Ww y, er—I Sometimes it’s mush- ft j— ‘Ril cYRUP think I'd better follow ' room uettes, or eo ; Bane your lead. | turnip onion ris- a vy bs — "The Veg. Enth. I | soles, —_ whatever's ‘te A generally begin with cing. Now yester- _ a plate of porri ay, for instance, = myself — ad—— eb y'know. (He se na | ’ mtn The Neoph. (un- w _ pleasantly she hastens to these +m) + woulie's = movin episodes —~ 3 . I’m afrai t, with the rapt inte- aw at this time of day— rest of a Desde- J \ iment if to tell = the trath mona, a / (with eo can- Firet Literar =/ M\\ “Cy dour) dias a Clerk. No; but loo \ ty Yi here, you don’t take Eke Waitress repards my point. I’m not him sorrowfully. running down Swin- nuRNE—all I’m argu- ing is, he t have written some of pr things Brown ine d Second L. C. Of course not — when Browne had writ- ten them — that’s nothing against him. Firat ED . & (warmly). I’m _ not saying it ws. telling you the differ- ence between the two men—now BRownIne, he makes you think / Second L. C. He never made me think, that’s all J know. you think, if you like! The First L. C. Now you're gttins < on to something else. The grand , ‘“‘ Cinghalese Stew.” fault | find with Sworsvew Second L. C. Hold hard a bit. it. Have you read him? Braised turnip and Third L. C. Yes, let’s ’ave that first. ’Ave you read ’im? First L. C. (with digni Second L. C. ‘aggressive First L. C. I ve read his Atlantis in Caledonia, for one thing. Second L. C. (disappointed). Well, you don’t deny there’s poetry | That’ 6 @ man | in that, do you ? |

First L. C. 5 Saath oa 1b pentey tn Ge eenen 8 ell Wane Warr, | MAN poetry —certainly

The Veg. Enth. Pity! Wholesomest thing you can take. More sustenance to the nares inch in a ~~ porridge than of mutton. Homer tolerantly). if you y won't, ji can on yo mend the rice and prunes. The Neoph. ( feedly). I—I’d rather begin with something a little more—— Waitress (with a pr mg yen te tem “ A la Cocotte?” she ts pearls before a swine). We have “ Flageolet gee and “Cablage” ” or Third L. C. Nor yet me. Now, ’Exnert Spencer, he docs make “Parsnip Pie with grilled Po’ ”—both very nice. eoph. raring the unknown), I'll ee A some of this—er— (He awaits the result in trepidation, a (behind, dictating his bill). ‘‘ What have Ihad?” Let | artichoke, tomate omelette a jam roll, and a bottle of zoedone. ty). I've read as much of him as I care to. (The Waitress makes out his voucher accordingly, and awards it to ly). What have you read of his ? Name it. him, with a bright smile of a ae aS ree 4 The Enth. V. ce has over . A most excellent selection ! a, Bir, who knows how to live! Nf gh En you give me some ie eek ht it, please i the N.)thae b ged pony Pe The Neoph. ( and Second L.C. There eats a a wider question—there’s no rhyme | curried bananas and iad hicotys I—I like the s corey corre in Wurrmaw, to begin with (He attac First L. C. No more there is in Mitton; but anatee you'l| Th Enth. Fes. (ae ay wid "Parley sta, There! Oe et aa that admit he’s a decan Ueiients exactly, though First Lady Clerk (at those y men do up wach intellectual wa nothing bu’ wack fel he Sen Pop hots — and a A ‘bout do me Will . your stew yet y way, table, Te becond C3, How exited ou dra I don’t often indulge in champagne in the middle ia we ek a Dh, say birthday-—so I think we ani might venture on jects, gb. Now, my brothers bottle us, eh ? ¢ horses, end = and foot! and things like The Neoph. (in whom the Cinghalese Stew has excited a lively Pal thirst). Sy cl eaves. I suppose you know the brands here ?

us 2s &

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Deomuser 17, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. The Veg. Enth. Only one brand—non-alcoholic, of course. Manu- factured I believe, from—ah . The Neoph. Exactly so. After all, 14 just as soon have bottled ale—if they keep it, is. The Veg. Enth. Any quantity of it. What shall it be? They ’ve ‘* Anti-Bass Beer,” or * Stout ;” or perhaps ’d like to try mai Porter?” I’m rather ial to it myself— Ni I—I doubt of On second ts, if —I’ve no it. , if you aint T ’d rather have water. (Jo himself.) sp eed bok Vegans Veg. Enth. (more heartily than ever). Just as you please, my bey. But you don’t mean to say you ’ve done! The Neoph (earnestly). Indeed, I couldn’t touch another morsel, The Veg. Enth. 1 thought that stew. looked ctitying that where it 1s, y any ay Gy DO hl} ee _ filise the trifling sum of feurpenco and ou mee egetarianism is a mere fad f It’s a t itself increasingly telt—you must be conscious of that yourself iy ? The Neoph. (poktely). -yes—but it’s not at all unpleasant at present—really Enter a couple of Red-faced Customers the country, who i. seat themselves. 950 First Redf. C. Well, I dunno how you ’re feelin’—but I feel as if I could peck a bit. Second Do. I can do wi’ soom stokin’ myself. Tidy soort of a "Ere, Missy |—(to one of the Waitresses, who awaits his commands with angelic patience) you may being mo ont my friend I a choomp chop a-piece, not too mooch a sorsedger, wi’ two pots o’ oul an’ bitter—an’ lo-ook it] — [Sensation—the Waitress gives gently, but firmly, to must be Sadao ae ake Garden Tahed e €; whereupon A and abashed, as Scene closes. OUR BOOKING-OFFICE, Tue Baron, on beh:.! of small Baronites, thanks Mesars. CassELL & Co. for Fasry Tales in Other Lands, by Jutta Gopparp, as they | are dear old friends with new faces. One of the Assistants in the Baronial Office Fm that The Coming of Father Christmas is most exquisitely heralded by E. F. Manwine, in the daintiest of books. "Tis published by Freperick Warne & Co. So if you warne’t to make a nice present, you know where | i to ge and get it. f Dean anv Son are “‘ limited,” their stock is unlimited; and, all things considered as far as possible, the Baron’s Chief Retainer opines that the picture-books from the Deanery of Dean anp Sox are still the best, and, in kind, the most varied for children. *‘ Which | nobody can Dean-y!” The Little One’s Own Wonderland is a | delightful realm, wherein the very little ones can wander with | interest through coloured pictures and gy Pad tales. Among the coloured pictrre series, the Old Mother Hubbard of 1793, with its contrast, Old Mother Hubbard of To-day, ie very amusing. J. 3. Fry snp Sows send oat through Seix’s Advertising Agency samples of their daintiest specialities in bonbonnieres. Being iseu by a Sei, one fearsa take in; butas ’tis all good, the agency of fxr secures a Sale. The chocolates are sure to go down with everyone. We all know what the sincerest form of rattery is, and ¢ i our dear old pet, Alice in Wenderiand, whose infinite variety time cannot stale, will gracefully acknowledge the intenseness of the compliments conveyed in Olga’s Dream, as written Nortey Custer, illustrated by Messrs. Furniss and Monraev (the illus- trations will carry the book), and published by Messrs. SkEFFINeToN. It would be a preternaturally wise child whe, peal antiga some of the jokes and up-to-date allusions. However, the original Alice (in Wonderland, and Through the Looking-glass) with the great Master's, Jouw TEnniev’s, illustrations, is still, as Mr. Sam Weller said of the Governor, ** paramount.” ! fg Be the Soap Bubble Stories blown by Fanxy through pen-pipe. Wonder is that, in this isi age, she didn’t dedicate them to Prars. The Baron’s Assistant has a word to say about the Diaries for this next year. If you want a useful Diary, the B. A. would recom- md the “ Regi Back-loop Pocket Diary,” got up, like a portman, in best of leathers by Jounw Waker & Co., or, ‘‘ as i JounNie observes,” Hesky lnvixe would say—‘‘ to put it TT beer 2 g : i) spite of the au commi the murder, and escaped even au ’ unless, out of sheer soft-heartedness towards the puppets of his own ereation, James Pary knowingly let him off at last moment. The judicial portion of the novel, including the scene in the Coroner's out, is just what would have been expected from an impartial A Devnes Berrenr.--The Degree sf Doctor of Music is to be re- sined emineige, She duties will be to attend ailing and Composers. appoin y | Carlo, or thereabouts, to see how Bir on. Sir ARTHUR of course, ; by the presoriptiona of his Medical Adviser. ir Anruur SULLIVAN is getting regulate his conduct at the tables AND HIs Docrok.—He was ordered by his Doctor da *Can’t do it in London,” was the than one mile. But,” he said, one mile there is equal to ’sthat? I'll tell you. I do a mile out, half a mile back: one mile; ef voila ” absence of mind and body, th | Sheriff, cet 4 fined by Mr. Justice Coutims five hundred unless he can show some just cause or nent. -ing up a bit,” thought Mr. Justice, but he didn’t

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| ' A! “SET A THIEF TO CATCH A THIEF!” Mrs. Brown (a victim of secret social ambitions). ‘‘On, as ror roon Mas, RosInsoN, HER ONLY OBJECT IN LIFE 18 TO DROP ALL nee OLD Faigwps ayp xNow TIT._ep Psorie! Mrs, Jones (who is conswmed inwardly by just the same desire), *‘ Yxs8, INDEED, IF IT’S TRUE! 80 Urrgzaty Desricantz anp Meant” WANTS ANYTHING Isw't rr LoaTusome AnD Sickenino t” Bur WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE Mrs. Brown (naively). ‘‘ BeCAUSE SHE WAS SO PRECIOUS HARD ON Mas, SMITH FOR TRYING TO KNOW LoRD AND LaDy Sxooxs !” “THE MISSING WORD.” (?) Tus is ‘‘The Maiden All Forlorn,” bowed down with burdens scarce to be borne, Waiting a blast on Hope’s clarion horn, loud as the *‘ Cock that crew in the morn.’ | Bucolic, wheat-crowned, she - Micawber seems she, waiting for something to turn | up— ~ somehow. Poor Agriculture! Care’s merciless valbwel has harried her vitals, and furrdwed her brow. All are her friends—so each talker from Cuapuin the cheery, to wise, And valorous Munrz, who the land-question shunts, and “* goes the w. hog” for Protection and rise ; With rollicki Lowrugr, who’s no Mala- wther, but larkily hints that the 1ok-out is mournful ; And N =poee, rustic and most nubibustic, of law of logic complacently tends— INCHILSEA Poor latter-day Care Quidnunes and their queries hardly restore her her loved long-lost daughter, Fair Profits) whom Pluto (*‘ the F ™ stole. Vainly landlords and farmers puesto forth fire and slaughter At Free Trade—that Circe on whom they ‘ve no merey,—and howl down the speeches of those she’s enchanted. The one “* Word” may sound wholly absurd to sense, but to them ‘tis the one thing that’s wanted. Hoarr’s wrath fiercely waxes. Reduction of Taxes? Low Rents? More impreve- ments in modes of production ? Pooh! Saunpers and Riter must be far more wily to get Aim to yield to their Red Rad seduction. He aus midst his ruins (like Marrvs) mak- ing of faith in Protection an open con- fessi Bio Des op Deal ol lene do we gel nought elee can now cure * prevailing depression.” The Missing Word! Maiden =>" tis a poor you put to the country, the ues, — Some, Go Labourer ! nae ceapense aang yom Those ocee “Consumers” ? Old myths and new viekte mudiling are like the East wind, Maiden, as Bacolic ideas won't hel stead ik rch Tob g on ——- —f, make strange bedfellows, Wix- us, in this far more wise than than he "s wary comes of. But CuaPiin-cum-Watsn cannot turn back time’s tide. And Punch, who all interests has to take care of, Must tell you in kindness, that onl blindases can say of Protestion — —~ hui 8 tem, with Thee ses mee, May ai with worries 3 oe bend lend ear to Quackdom’s et emeaks cheatient sheer true Suggestions for New Musical Publications. A Companton to The Stars of Normandy, to be entitled, Zhe North Pole-Star (the words by Coip-W eTHERsY), to be sung by Cuartes Very Cutter. If sung at St. general, » one James's Hall, admission . Freeze-seats, nothing. ** The Carnival” is announced, as ‘*‘ Mot- Lor’s last hit” We hope not. We trust that it is only Misther James Mottor's latest oy 2 = my say die!” qomaenton to * Come | Danee the Renata: ” will be published, ‘“* Come Read the Romeike,” set up © eal composed by the Press Cutting Agency. Ratner Srantiine. — A Correspondent ™* | sends us « cutting from a paper :— “Mr. Moopy, the E list, who was a passen- ger on the Apren, .« « poonshed ed an able discourse.” ie cage, 1 con mall no mae teem Mr, Moopr, as ‘a the Spree,’ is too much for my Mee lings.” “i Joe said to Pip, What larks!” Yours truly, SHockxp!

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for the re-adoption of ‘ . SABA AS SSS — ’ . SS ne ~ZoNw =. . La cae

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ICLLLTURA VE

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seems to have made wu first

a a om © = 5 st A — TR TR — = —_ =. EX

mm PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Decemszr 17, 1892.

rming methods to them. Protection.” — The Times. ]

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| Dsomms 17, 1892] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 285 ““My Dear Sra,—Being well aware of the interest take in the | THE MAN WHO WOULD. Ra - of Drowratos Scrromnacuzoy, T have teghected my pub- IV._THE MAN WHO WOULD BE A CRITIC. — ph ds ad ay Hore he Mitchel ‘his yy me > alee sk Sr. Bares, as a literary man and critic, always professed a desire | groaned audibly. 1 tried another :— to live in a quiet neighbourhood. Therefore, as I approached his| ‘Dean Mr. Sr. Banpz,—I know how busy you are, on can house, ou the winsest Sees etnd mt USepers amet, 2, wes | slwngs spies an hewe_cs hue Sar the. mack of aces y Love amazed to see a large and increasing erowd sssem in the vicinity. | well Lost, in three volumes, is on its wag S yom I wish you to Pushing my way through, I saw that St. Barsr’s windows were | review it in all the periodicals with ich you are connected. broken, glass was ina weak ity i the panes, and, what was |Last time I wrote a novel, mr nephe aed Dh, veep pucene- hick LT a w revie more the breakage seemed to be done from within! |torily, in the Pandrosium ; this time I want only | Objects were flying out into the garden, and those objects were | my friends.” He was kicking on the sofa, and apparen’ books. T had curiosity and ity to asteh 0 fom as they Fell, | comnit ouleide with Sho pillews. she | and to pick others up. were mostly volumes of Poetry, and, in| ‘Command yourself, St. Baxse,” I said; “* this behaviour is un- every case, they bore St. Barse’s name on the fly-leaf, with a fat. worthy ether of « Christian ora philowpher, These letters, which tering manuscript inscription by the author. co of the authors’ irritate you so much, are conceived in a spirit of respectful admira- | names were unknown to me; in others I ised ladies of title | tion. The books which you have been heaving through the window whom I had read about in the Society Journals. Urging my way | are, no doubt, of interest and value.” through a hot fire of octavos, I rang the bell. The maid who opened! ‘* Waste paper, every one of them,” he moaned. Then he | the door said, ** You ’re not an added, as he rumpled his hair | ™’Grect “Heavens, nol” I ; yee pe eayens, no!” _ S , ’ ike to see pal | replied. tii you had to live this life!” It | “It is lucky for you, Sir; YY}; ivi i Seek tee toes et UT Vat ray i me | annette eee ee oe wiqil| anse’s,” Ile i scarce- i Ir audible amitist the’ yells of af | that man of letters. ie “He's awful bad to-day, | | | Sir, assaulted a deh man, who was too | Es’ opedkine:, the’ maid lod g, the mai me to St. Bansr’s study. He was now quiet, and only | groaning ee as he reposed | on the sofa; the fragments of furniture and the torn letters | which covered the floor, | proyed, however, that the | crisis had been severe, for a | man who likes a quiet neigh- ; | bourhood, I felt his pulse, ere I noticed a Lon , | injected morphine, and asked —— cels Delivery van, laden with him how he did ? ; iowa - popes packages of ** Better,” said Sr. Barer, , ‘ books. uickly the maid | feebly. “I’ve been clearing Mss rushed out, and induced the them out.” driver to remember that he | “Clearing what out?” I : was a family man, and he | asked. Me went on his way without “Presentation copies of one. | books, from the authors,” he vi \ * They come all day long,” | said; and added, “and the A\\\ my poor friend went on, ‘‘ and | devils of publishers.” FA vss them bbish | At this moment the postman (ou) \} \ \\ | brouphtim ‘somne lethers ‘with Winchester rifle, and crept TO in some letters wi “ 1 hej a) a Wine r " pens pe of anxiety. Poor fellow ! he is now under restraint. stealthily to the window. Sr. Bare tore the envelopes open, ‘‘ There, and there, and there!” | Luckily none of his enemies were in view. ; he cried, thrusting them into my hands, while his features borea| .‘‘ No waste-paper basket is big enough to hold them all,” he said, satanic expression of hatred and contempt. ruefully, “‘ and once a week I make a clearance. The neighbours As he seemed to wish it, I read his correspondence, while he are beginning to murmur,” he added, ‘‘ There is no sympathy, in absently twirled the poker in his hands, and gnashed his teeth. England, for a man of letters.’ Letters, indeed: I write them all “What is the matter with you, old man?” I asked. “These day to these impostors, these amateurs;” and he bit 2 iarze >‘0e notes seem to be very modestly and properly expressed :— out of a glass, which was standing handy, =— 4, Daan Sen, —You a will be astonished at receiving s letter from Bs meen way of escaping from this persecution?” I asked, total stranger ; but the sympathy of our tastes, w etect in sympathy. : . , i. 7 g | -** None—none! I have written to the Jimes ; I have ed to 700 weit, indases me 0 cond, yom sng Hite wash em The. Paik | ae ctstaates; T be Vathaas ehteh maisht malt the heat Here St. Barse sat down on the h and scattered ashes on ; ’ unmannerly, I fear, now and then, his head, in a manner unbecoming an por ents for I cannot always dissemble | No!”, he cried, ‘‘ I am doomed, Eng “* I don’t see what annoys you so,” I remarked, “or in this:— | * Presentation copies sore Long time he bore’— | day, and shot one in the hat.” i mu int, and I expect soon to hear that Here he rolled on the floor, and gnawed the castor of a chair. Sr. Banse, at heart a kind, benevolent man, but sorel had heard of things like this in the time of the Prawracewers, but authors. Such are the dangers of a critical career, an i . the facilities of the Parcels Post.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Decempzr 17, 1892, —+ DIARY OF A STATESMAN. “SMALL BY DEGREES, AND BEAUTIFULLY LESS.” ("Mads tn France”) Monday.— Immense enthusiasm. The Ministry never so strong. | far ino. When eaeed tay inten replied, *‘ My intentions are the inten- pomeen, So Ge pois. bat ne dealt 8 is bese Go tions of my eee tha nearly shook my hand off in their | ‘ powers that be” consider Physicians too valuable to the community delight. Grand official reception in the evening. Everyone there. to rua the risk of endangering their lives in the excitement of ewig. All the Di tic body offered congratulations. lf we ma this as a basis, we can see how the idea Tusedeye Ministry \ahdealy tnestened by an unseen | developed. “Tt it is t to exclude Doctors, why then, as a kindred DowryGies ~~ &.-, when someone in the back s| class, Lawyers also be refused admission. Of trrogated ts about an, open window inthe epridor Considering | Clergymen of all denominations are, even now, conspicuous Pape question frivolous, declined to answer. emene eee, to the wearers eee ga a eee askod for. We protested ; We have now got rid of Doctors, Lawyers, and Parsons—three of to the - ke: Professions. To be Ets - al ‘ ca, © rity of , ate . 4 . missal. We sTeuneeh “ Urgency” was voted by a) majority of 343, and we imme- aaegee . Bore to have Thur. ae, refused nothing is done by to-morrow ——— o- into count ors shooting. Fido 2 quite ready—he has his coat cat, his moustache pews Fa Hep ot of the rooms the entire communi whelming b wf ; : . gil Put it to the Members whether | Service, how . ‘ : exist? So they must go. And little left. almost va. —. a, No doubt a) — a veritable triumph ! Saturday. — Everything KINDLY MEANT. went smeothly until the after- . - noon, when a Deputy wiched ‘Warns ane rou Srayinc! ILL CALL AND SEE YOU. to know the correct time. “Dor't! You's. ONLY THINK Tax WoRsE OF ME WHEN YOU SEE MY Minister of Education gave it | SoRRouNDINGs |” J b as ® uarter to six. It was “On, MY DEAR FELLOW, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE, YoU KNOW! that he was wrong.’ should have said ten minutes to the hour. Serious Ministerial | orisis in a. Fearful excitement. A Bill paper eh in and c Kinny Sool ts petal Gane ae Gem ht decide. yh inistry forced to protest?; turned out Base in- ey myself. ; but a time will come ! Generally bop ia and out of offs Bpansh Castle, I of Skye. we Guiinsesastemss ir «oe es ined Som my Miaistestes ties. Shall have a A Rusu or Owz.—The Times, a ay eye , alluding to * shooting wi th Fido in consequence. But I must be back | unemployed loafer, said, “‘ it is he who flocks coke” te Relief tru to-night, Teouuse T am ‘ure to be expected to form a New and so forth. How delightful to be able to flock all by yourel! | inistry to-morrow | It reealls the bould Irish soldier who ‘‘ took six Frenchmen prisoners by surrounding ee” P | Query.—Why cannot Mr. Giapstows eat more than two-thirds ofa} Tae Grammar or Ant.—“ Art,” spell it with a big or li rabbit, whether boiled or curried? Answer.—It does not matter Gane ie Seu eent = what Mr. GiaDsrows or anybody else can do, as nobody can eat | must have the place of honour; then “* Thou Art!” soa a rabbit (w)hole. | comes next.

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Decempen 17. 1892. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. LL il LiL Ie wT iL, ¥ | ’ f th Jif MW mt ult hi ‘il ie iH uu ik ‘iy i iit SO LL 4 Wahl Ti Ay! i} ,] iif NN A ET A Wh iJ } a ily ACADEMICIANS AT MILLBANK. j 4 5 3 KOYAL that Millbank Prison, the site offered by Sir Wr “YW | : i ‘ iP M (hi Ws f ith ish uF tt | : hy Oe Wee MI ’ iy i HN i sy mii ih Mh ' LAMM ‘ ! 7 ! ay i | % i \, * i! my AW) MAN ‘ih | Hn iy peer it TWA Hi a Hh t Mi TAIT TI st i , Ry, i Hii hi Wit ai | us ofl wi " ! 4 sy Nh) ‘ MWh Fi. { 4 f 1 HH] a wl y Mh Hi th | Na u ! pe a. NWR (** We understand itil Hult © aid BA did

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. — [Decemper 17, 1892, FROM PENCIL TO PEN. A Story of the Merry Yule-Tide Season.) Publisher's Sanctum. Publisher and Author | discovered in conference. | | | - Publisher. And so I ce, re mighi ork erie with your = + assistance, we ay some of the blocks AY have our hands under the unfortunate circum- stances I have just related. Author. Certainly. pT nd a Christmas t—give me the su Quite easy. You want ‘umber out of them. All and I will just be worked in. © will commence—hero and heroine—say, for the moment, Bdwin and Angelina. jot down how | Pub. (look- For Sail or Return. ling od elem cemenhe eternal snow.” Go oO Pub. Here is, seemingly, a quarrel to the death, in the time of Cuaagtes THE Srconp. Ball- room, with Cavaliers and their Ladies. Central group, Oder Soe Can we 5 ay Edwin excites & All the bards Reginald. Th do anythin Asti. o ealousy ngelina’ s cousin Stee calls out the former ata Senpdioee dance. Label it—‘* Captain de Courcy was too impatient to wait until the ball was over, buat challenged his rival as the company were | on the eve of going down to supper.” Drive on! Pub. This seems rather a puzzle,—a ship | sinking in mid-ocean. . Ai. The very Ao wee having ~~ a 1s on xc ytd my Sk gold. Label The tore was terrific, and the Belgravia had much diffi- culty in weathering this gale en almost unpre- cedented violence.” Next, Pub. Why here are some etches of Venice, St. Petersburg, China, and North Wales. rR. ‘= take them —.~ Edwin and ngelina ope they return home, go upon a Pub. A Se shot by a com French soldiers. Is that of any use Auth, First-rate fate for the wieked Regi- German Wares « Special Conbependent, and rman War as a is shot as a Prussian spy. Couldn’t be better. EE en ont look sepre- " vi ing ata contation of * * Punch and J Fad v Auth, Obviously a soslloction of Edwin's schooldays. Label te" Sometimes he would pet ce! watching an ie - per- ambu puppets.” Anything else Pw. A ET —_ thrown from his horse into a brook. we % All Angelina first falls in IE = nen him after an accident in the hunting-field. Label it— * His horse Edwin was wn with great violence into the water.” Any- thing else ? Pub. A man with a dark lantern looking, I think, at a mile-stone. c- Reginald, Me at ag wy in France, ie to enter on | house of his hated rival Ae pues wretch paused for a moment while e examined one of the mile-stones.” inn THE KISS. (By a Jubilant Juryman.) To the Court’s poor labial pretence, Always meaningless, and most er Here the past is by the t. Kieaing } is the due of Love and ty Dull and dismal when ‘tis made mere » duty. Mere li ty to e means little. But to P "Tis not worth jot or tittle ! When from lip to lip in cold formality Passed the grubby cover, in reality inding made 0 oath more binding Se clear finding. tS teen sense, —long That } makes diiiiste one Sereef Mowing “ THERE AND BACK.” 7 ot | Ope By the way, as in Act III. the « a-ridin a siding,” this en at Se On the stage ? Yop love Pa pennant, enh eriiont pie 0 your In ’ Se eae Co. ; = yn on ee eee ts you, 2 ole eS Cal sling apa of te heat A Goon “ Szcorp ”.—A Dutch Oyster. Pictures of description, will cover, or WiMgGEs. To this rule

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Dacemnge 17, 1892

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| wile Parties, Balla &o. The PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Descemper 17, 1892. SAMUERL BROTHERS. WOVELTIES I BOTS DRESS TOR PARTIES, BALLS, &o. CHRISTMAS, 1892. At the Christenas and New Year's season Messrs. Sawver Baorwsns’ windows and Show Rooms are re- plete with a wnique —e high- clas novelties, saite or Bor? Evening Dre or Drawing-Room wear upon sach onrasions as Juve and extensive assortment of Suita, tasteful.y trimmed and ee in fashionable shades of Plash, elvet, Velveteens, Superfines, &e., is now erm plete toge “ther with special ap- ointments ef Lace, Hosiery, Hata, hows, &¢., to accord with any style of Sut thet may be selected Com piew Outfitting Garde 5 En- grevings) end Patterns, Free t ang @ldreme 0 & 67, Ledgete Bill, Londen, 2.6. * Bros.” “ Covar.” “ Veererres Jace Tas.” “ Pawrruener.” * Hrowtarn.” Appointed by Special Royal Warrant Just a little Sunlight, J AL, a ett rub: ~ asi, F J ust | a little Outside in the oun, Soap Makers to Her Majesty The Queen. Then the great eventful Task of washing ’s done. Sowugis SOAP. USEFUL CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY.