Punch 1892-11-12: Vol 103 Iss 2679

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= “PUNCH CHRISTMAS NUMBER ~= Will be published on Tursvay, Novemper 22nd, Price Sixpence. v=neece*’ j i’ wean 7s “BONS3Sd B334HL 308d I ee We SAL if th) Wh. if 4 “a : (ar. eo ra MSN lay \ I P>» Ve iN’ Dh ae ; ced Ss i \\ i, ) li | wn F F (th fi a abe, , er i Ova SP al ; “gy 6 PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, PATH BIAS LONDON. Ud. BURYS COCOA __ ABSOLUTELY PURE THEREFORE BEST. NO CHEMICALS USED. OH PASC a ; or Rl , —— *. Si as: : |

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Novemper 12, 1892. CHATTO & WINDUS'S KEW BOOKS, ve, Author of “ The Gauick or aad IVORY GATE. By 1 Sorte and THE. historia belig ful ea ing + Rev HE BRIGHTON “ROAD. os Ties ont New om «& Giaaste Highway Y ree With teems oth ¢ — a, i*« re THOUSAND AND ONE Days focdas Tales mate g by J th 2 Frontispi a vols half ent 4 tom mating piece of re mance Tem re THEA AMERICAN CLAIMANT. With 61 Iiustrations ‘ th ~ va ru fresh fan 5 na su ene As laughabie a series of and contrasts as ever got into a TH PATE OF HERBERT WAYEE ty BR. J. Goopwse. Crown fro teneety int eresting story Baca's Jou mm at A ROMANCE OF THE NINE- TEL NTE c ENSURE Ry W I Ms (y = where vou will, roa Gad in it « pea her of the ught f expremion arrie [aE DOWNFALL. By Ewite cloth extra, Is. 6d fn t ast the reader will be fascinated with » o* brilliant style, for he rises to greater heigh mity than in any other of his books s one of the greatest bisterica! dramas ever @ritten a masterpiece” —Moasivo Leavin MY * FLIRTATIONS. By Mar- ath » a b J ‘ se ’ Marg t Wraman has a very pretty The k ~ le as clever as the draw ing» “gelight fu It le a book whieh aiuet be read a Lend 1A » & WInDUS 314, Pissady, W H's. GRACE. By W. E. Nopars, { Mdlle de Mersac,” “ Mareia, | Crown Bro, Te ; combination of high literary Hities wr pesegees, We must go back te the Most omaine _ "of his predecessonm (jus Byeacr Kev 7 PIERRE AND HIS PEOPLE. eet Pasaen. Crowe Gro, buckrem, KMeady Mr Parker is one of the most distinctive of cur ” Sr Jamen's Gaserre. Mi UEN & 00, 14, Bury Street, W.C TENERIFE (iiAwos) CIGARS. s Weed of a novel ces =". Aroma tie. and Delicate. 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Novemper 12, 1892,] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. 217 THE GAME OF THE LITTLE HORSES. (A Sketch at the Casino, Dinard.) either side of the circular Race-course, with its revolving metal horses, is a Green Table, divided into numbered squares, around which the Players, who are mostly English, are sitting or stand- ing. A anes gue with his rake presides at each table. In an obscure corner the balcony outside, Miss DaIntTREE and her Married Sister h we just established themselves. There is a Ball | at the Casino, and the Orchestra are heard tuning up for the next dance. The Married Sister. But Sytvia, why have you dragged me out here to sit in the dark? I thought you were engaged for this? Miss Daintree. So I am—to such a horrid li eat man. ~weedl 8 why I fled. a won't think of coming here after me ! The M. S. What made you give him a dance at all?» Miss D. >. ht him up to me—so naturally I thought he was a dear friend of his, but it seems he only sat next to him at tab/e e, and JacK saya he pestered him so for an introduction, = had iy it—to get rid of him. So like a brother. wasn’t it? ... Oh, Amy, he’s coming—what shallI do? I know he ; can’t dance a little bit! I watched him trying. The M. 8. Can’t you ask him to sit it out? Miss D, That’s worse! Let’s hope he won’t notice us.—Ah—he has ! L i (Mr. Cunson, a y young man with small eyesand a moustache, wearing a tail- less evening-coat and a wrinkled white waist- oat, advances, Mr. Cubson. Our dance, I believe? (The Orchestra strikes up.) Isn't that the Pas de Quatre? Totell you the truth, I’m not very well up in these new steps, so I shall trust to you to = me through —soon get into it, y’know. fiss D. (to herself). If I could only get out of it! (She rises with a look of mide appeal to her Sister.) We can go through this room. They pass into the Salle des Petits Chevauz.) Stop one = just want to see which horse wins. Don’t this a fascinating game ? Mr. C. all, I don’t understand the way oy play it here—too complicated for me, you now Miss D. (to herself). Anything to gain time! Aloud.) Oh, it’s quite simple—you just put your money down on any number you choose, and say ** Sur le’’—whatever it is, and, if it wins, you get seven times your stake. Croupier. Tous sont payés—faites vos jeux, Messieurs,—les jeux sont a Miss D. 1 know what I should do—I should back 7 this time. I’ve a presentiment he ’ll win. Mr. C. Then why don’t you back him ? Miss D. Because I don’t happen to have brought any money with me. Mr. C. Oh, I daresay I can accommodate you | with a frane or two, if that ’s all. Miss D. Thank you, I won’t trouble you: but do back him yourself, just to see if I’m not right. Croupier. Les jeux sont faits. Rien ne va plus ! Mr. C. (throwing a franc on the table). Sur le sept! (Zo Miss b.) I say, he’s raked it in. What ’s that for ? Miss D. For the Bank, or Charity, or something—they always do that if you stake too And I should have won, too—it és 7. late. Mr. C. Swindle. Teall it. I've had enough of this—suppose we go and dance? Miss D. Why, you’re not going to give in already—after so 4 winning, too ? Mr. C. Ah, well, I’ll have just one more go—and then we'll be off. I’m going to try the 9 this time. [He stakes. Miss D. I — have gone on the 4—it’s time one of the even numt “TS Won Mr. C. Oh, would you? All right, then. (Zo Cr.) Pas sur le neuf —le quatre. (The Croupier transfers the france to 4.) They’re rs can’t tell the winner yet. Now they’re slower—4’s good— 8 very good. See where he’s stopped, not an inch from the post! This isn’t half a bad game. A horse with a red flag at his head, labelled No. 9, creeps slowly up, and stops just ahead of 4. Cre — Neuf, impair, et rouge! It’s 9 after ali—and I backed him first. Bayt an injured tone.) I ‘should have won if you hadn’t said that about Miss D. (with secret delight). 1 won’t advise any Lat What are you going to back ? ‘Our dance, I believe? ing to you, M’soo. (To himsel an She might have waited Fite 90 goes out in pursuit of her.) Oh, I say, Miss—er—Darnrnes, if Mr. C. We really ought to be dancing—but I'll try my luck | once more on No. 4. I shall put on two francs this time. Miss D. Shall you? How reckless! I heard someone say just now that No. 1 hasn’t won for a long time. Mr. C. 1 took your advice once too often. There—4's going to win—see how he ’s going round—no, he 's passed. [A horse with a yellow flag, labelled No. 1, stops close to the post. Croupier. L’ As, ent. et jaune! Miss D. Didn't I tell you so? Mr. C. You only said 1 hadn't won—not that he would. If you had s , more y——! I don’t think much of this game— I’ yt dropped four francs already. How about that dance ? (ironically). It welll! be rather a pity to go away without getting all that money back, wouldn’t it ? Mr. C. (seriously). Perhaps it would. You’re sure you’re in no hurry about this dance ? Miss D. On the contrary ! Mr. C. Well, look here, I’m going to put on a five-franc piece this time—so be careful what you advise. Miss D. Oh, I really couldn’t undertake such a responsibility. Mr. C. I shall follow this man then, an back five. (He does; the horses spin round, and the race is won by a horse with a tricoloured flag labelled No. 5.) There, I’ve done it without you, you see. (The Croupier pushes a heap of tvory counters towards him, which he takes “p with trembling hands.) I say, I scooped i om five franos over that! Not bad, is it ? ’m glad I waited! Miss D. Yes, it’s better fun than dancing, isn’t it ? Mr. C. Oh, lota—at least I didn’t mean that quite—— : Miss D. Didn't you? I did. What are you going to back next? Mr. C. Well, I must just have one more turn, and then we'll go and get that dance over. I’m going to plunge this time. (He spreads his counters about the board.) There, I’ve put five francs on each colour and ten each on 8 and 9, You see, by hedging like that, you’re bound to ll a comes a7 D. (as t + 4 horses spin round). All the ofier flags are out of it. Mr. Doesn’t matter, 9’s red, and he’s going an- rate—nothing to be him Miss D. Unless it’s 5, and then you lose. (No. 5 wins again.) How unfortunate for you. 5 generally 4 win twice running, some- how. Mr. C. (with reproach). If it yen had thought of that a li ? sooner, I shouldn't have lost twenty francs! rises, and Mr. C. secures the vacant char: More comfortable sitting down. I must get that back before I go. I’ve got left. ‘ll put five on iny Gray five left Ti et rouge!” y five back yer again, as zon we last. (He does. er. ** Quatre, pair, et '" He turns to ti D. for athy;) Fear, did you ever see such y A Frenchman (behind him). Plait-il ? Mr. C. (con . Oh, rien. I wasn’t speak- ere on earth has that girl She’s gone back to the balcony! _ ’re ready for the’ “ Pas de Quatre,” I am. Hope I haven't t you waiting. fiss D D. \evesste). Not in the very least. Are you sure you’ve art finished ying ? as Pe best all I'd won and a lot on the top of that, I should of think I had | that girl—I could see she was wild at missin | wish I had danced it, 1’m sure,—it would playing. Miss D. So has the Orchestra—quite a coincidence, isn’t it? You were so absorbed, you see !—No, I won’t keep you out here, thanks ; | my sister will take care of me. Mr. C. (to himself, as he departs rather sheepishly). 1’ve offended that Barn Dance. I ave saved me several francs. It was all her own fault. However, I'll ask her for a waltz another evening, and make it up to her that way. Confound those Petits Chevrauz ! Miss D. Amy, he’s gone,—and I haven't danced and I haven’ jens out with him— he can’t say it’s my fault either! (She yo hand & the a Chevauz inside.) Thanks, ever so much, — ear lit VOL. CIfl.

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218 _ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ——— [Novemper 12, 1899,

THE BRUMMAGEM BIRDCATCHER. (A Lay of a Labour Programme.) Atn—‘' The Ratcatcher’s Daughter.”

SMES ate mtu Mah AL NY hilt Kas ~ LL WRB ror WASH WVWs.

WW, , NN we

\y Brummagem Birdcatcher (aside), In Vestminster not long ago there dvelt a lad named Jogr; He vos not raised in Vestminster, but in a more goey. ‘Aun! I vancy I SHALL HAVE THEM PRESENTLY And he vos called young Vistling Jox, the Brummagem Birdcatcher. But that arrangement vill not suit the

ee bffij:40/ ms + Voi fff MM Young Jor of Grand Old Virt-1-aM, at fust vos pal most chummy, But second fiddle vos not quite the instrument for Brummy. : At maring birds he vos a dab, of eggs (and plots) a hatcher ; Says he, *“‘ Old Viit vants his own vay, the vicked old vote-snatcher - ——_—_—___ ———<$<—_

~ » \\ Vat \\ ANN AN.) AN é a = _ : i

Brummagem Birdcatcher!

we

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November 12, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Mrs. Gusher. “‘Ou, coop-Byz, Sir Jonny. Sir John, ‘‘ THaNxs—THANES ! So SORRY NOT TO HAVE FOUND YOUR MOST CHARMING WIFE AT HOME.” By THE WAY, LET ME ASSURE You I'VE ONLY GoT Owz,—anp——” [ Thinks that the remainder of the sentence is ‘‘ better wnderstood than expressed,” “T am as artful, qvite, as he, and mach more young and active ; I’ve a sweet vistle of my own the birds find most attractive. My nets may be unauthorised, and my decoys not his'n ; : Vot odds, ven those decoys vill draw, those nets the birds imprison ” “ Virt1am ’s a old Monopolist, or vould be if I'd let him; But on this here pertikler field I'll lick him, that I'll bet him. I am a cove as hates the Nobs; I dearly loves = eee And if I have a feeling heart it is for Honest Labour! “ Vittram’s decoys are out of date, but ven I’d shake and rummage’em He gets his back up like a shot. He’s jealous of tome Brummagem ! "ll set up on my own account; and I ‘ve a new half dozen Of nice decoys vich I am sure the shyest birds vill cozen. “T am not arter nightingales, the y poet’s darlings, I’m qvite content vith blackbirds fraeke and even busy starlings. The Bre | vot delve, vot track the plough, vot vatch the rustic atcher, Are good enough—tn numbers—for the Brummagem Birdcatcher. * VILLIAM may lure his Irish larks, and redpoles, tits, and finches, Good British birds vill do for me. I’m vun as never flinches | From quating of my nets all vide; vot comes J can’t determine, | Bat I don’t care for ecarrion-birds, I looks on ’em as wermin ! ‘“ And so I ups and spreads my nets. Vot if the birds see plainly? My vistle is so vondrous sveet, I shall not ’em wainly, : en, my decoys! Ah! them’s the boys! In patience and in skill | am | The cove to catch a big bird-batch, and qvite a match for Viit-1-am!” Old Virt1am and young Vistling Jor are rivals, vot vere poten! And some A. back the Brummyites, and some the Grand Old arward’ ners ; But vichsoever from the fight of vi be the snatcher, The Midlands own a champion in the Brummagem Birdcatcher. “A Rovat Luxe” (ov Tae Brixs).—The successor to King the Eighth (st the Lyceum) will be King Lear the First. ‘ est mort! Vive le Ros Henry Le Roi | OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Tae Baron pauses in the midst of his varied literary and philo- | sophie studies to look into No. 46, Vol. iv., Part ii., of Our Celebrities | a publication which has been admirably conducted by the late and | the present Count Asrrorée, which is the title, when he is at home |of the eminent photogra and roy of the Walery G First comes life-like portrait of the stern Sir Kpwanp W. Warxry, on whose brow Time, a ntly, writes no wrinkles, though Sir Epwaxp could put most of us up toa few. Nor, stran to say, are there any lines on his countenance, probably because has so many other lines, existing and contemplated, in his eye. But ’tis not alone thy inky cloak, good Sir Epwaxp, that attracts the Baron, nor is it the business-like profile of Toomas pe Garey, sixth Lord Walsingham, Chairman of the Ensilage Committee, that gives the Baron portrait of Pies,” which special admiration; but it is the perfectly charming ***Darsy Press” H. 8. H. the Princess Hewny or rivets the’ Baron’sattention, and causes him to exclaim, ‘* She is pretty, Pless her!” Miss Comrwartis West, but now a Daisy, now a Princess, came up as a flower at Ruthin Castle, and ‘in 1891 Prince Hewny ov Press,” says the brief narrative written by A. Buit (an example of *‘ a bull and no mistake”) “wooed and won the beaut of the Season,”—lucky Anny Press !—and then Prince ’Anky too his bride to Furstenstein, in Silesia, ‘‘a fine schloss, with beautiful gardens and terraces,”—in short, ‘‘a Pleasaunce.” Count Astroréc may do, as hehas done, many excellent photographie portraits, but this one will be uncommonly “ hard to beat,”’ and King of Photo- graphers as he seems to be, it is not every day that he >-s so ¢ a subject as Princess Daisy ted to him. Receive, Count Astron6e-Watery, of the Walery-Gallery, without any the congratulations most sincere of the Baron pe Boox-Woxrms. ‘*The Players are Come! ” First Player (who has had a run of il-luck). I’m regularly haunted by the recollection of my losses at Baccarat. Second Player. Quite ian! ** Banco’s” Ghost.

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220 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL {Novemper 12, 1892. CONVERSATIONAL HINTS FOR YOUNG SHOOTERS. Loewen (continued).—How delightful it is to awaken interest in the female breast, to make the heart of lovely woman go pit-pat, as her eyes read the words one’s pen has written. Even in drawing- rooms and boudoirs, it seems, bright eyes have marked these attempts to teach a correct conversati manner to those who engage in game- shooting. Here is one letter of the hundreds that Mr. Punch has one by one to his gallant lips with an emotion that might, verhaps, not have been expected from one of his years and discretion. Bat how shall time or caution vail against universal love? The flame burns on with an unquenchable Punchoft your affections is true to you all. He takes you in a lamp and loves you. He takes you singly and be YOu, pas- sionately but paternally. Here, / therefore, is the letter : Deanest Mr. Puwcn, We have all been so de- lighted to read ya articles about shooting. I read them to Papa after dinner in the draw- ing-room. Memma says she doesn’t understand such mat- ters; but, of course, things have altered very much since her young days, as she is always telling us. Now want to ask your opinion about an impor- tant point. Do you think girls ought to go out and join the men at lunch? We all think it | so delightful, bat Faep, my | eldest brother, makes himself extremely disagreeable about it at least he did till last week, | when Eurty Raveven, who is | my very dearest friend, was! staying with us. Then he told me we might come for achange, but we were to go home again | directly afterwards. Generally | he says that women are a bore out shooting. Please tell us, dear Mr. Punch, what you} | really think about it. With much love, yours always, Rosse LARKING. P.S.—I am so glad you write the word “lunch,” and not “luncheon.” I told Frep that — but he went to Johnson's Dic- tionary, and read out some- thing about “ Lunch” being only a colloquial form of “*lun- cheon.” Still, I don’t care a little bit. Dr. Jommwsow lived so long ago, and couldn't pos- our. Beautifal beings, the | short in the skirt, and displaying the very neatest and smallest pair of ankles that ever were seen. And your dear little nose is just a leetle—not red, no, ge red, but just delicately pink on its jolly little tip, having gallantly braved the north without a veil. To call you a bore is absurd. But men are such brutes, and it is as certain as that two and two — at our public schools) make four, that ladies are—what shall I say ’—not so as they always ought to be when ag come amongst coctere cagaged in their sport. Even at lunch they are not always with enthusiasm. This is, perhaps, wrong, for, after all, they can do no harm there. : But, darling Rose,’ I am sure FRep was perfectl rht to send ——} you home tly the meal was over, om it must vhave wrung his heart to from Emity YBURY, veteran coession, chattering lady—not a dear, pleasant ltl aa bo delight ike 70s noe , posted he beside him, and made su merely because a but, equally by all means, leave the guns to themselves afterwards. As for ladies who themselves shoot, why the best . -— them is, that they ould promptly m- selves. I can’t abide them. Away with them ! But, in order that the pur- of this may be Palfilled,* and the conversa- tional method inculeated, | here give a short ** Ladies-at- lunch - dialogue,” phonogra- phically recorded, as a party of five guns was approaching the place of lunch, at about 1°30 P.M. First Sportsman (addressing his companion). Now then, sibly know everything—could Tom ust n he f R. L. A PRIZE. a ee ene und: lock My cating young lady, I| Little Spifkins, “‘ Dow’? vou THIxk one MIGHT ceT UP A Dance mers | pretty. The ladies are coming reply, your letter has made a| some zvenino !” to lunch. deep impression on me. Dr.| Young Brown. ‘ Nor Grris exoven, uy Bor!" a Sa - struck.) Jomnson did, as you say, live| Little Spifkins. ‘Not Grats nnoven! Way, J've cor To xexr 'em| What? women coming to many years ago; somany care | OFF Me wits a Stick!” ago, in fact, that (as a little — = —---—- friend of Mr. Punch once said, with a sigh, on hearing that someone would have been one hundred fifty years old if he had been alive at the ee day) he must be ‘a orfle old angel now.” The word ‘lunch ” is short, crisp, appetising. The word “luncheon” is of a certain pomposity, which, h it may suit the mansions of the great, is out of place when applied to the meals of active sportsmen. So we will continue, if you . to speak of ‘‘ luneh.” Aad now for your question. My charming Ross, this little treatise does not profess todo anything more than teach young n how to con- verse. I assume that they have learnt shooting from other instructors. And as to the detailsof shooting-parties, how they should be composed, what they should do or avoid, and how they should bear themselves generally—the subject is too great, too solemn, too noble to be entered upon with a light heart. At any rate, that is not my pur- pose here. It was rude—very rude—of Frep to say you were a ore—and I am sure it wasn’t true. I can picture you tripping daintily along with your pretty companions to the lunch rendez- vows. You are dressed in a perfectly fitting, tailor-made dress, cut lunch? No, hang itall, you're -~——_____—_—_— — joking. Lt gt enti ol First Sp, Joking? NotI! I tell yu six solid women are going to iunch with us. I heard ’em all talking about it after breakfast, and thinking it would be, oh, such fun! By the way, I suppose you know you've got a hole in your knickerbockers. aang Tommy (looking down, and perceiving a huge and undisguisable rent). Good Heavens! so I have. I must have done it getting over the last fence. Isn’t it awful? I can’t show like this. Have you got any pins? . (The Keeper eventually promises that there shall be pins at the farm- b ‘ Another Sportsman (bringing up the rear with a companion). Seno we daie-be pn ag Be 4 There’s a lot of ground to cover this afternoon, and old Syxes tells me they’ve got a ndid head of birds this year. [always think—— (He «4 vi an expression of intense alarm comes over his fom) y, what's that? No, itcan't be. Yes, by Jingo, itis. It’s the whole blessed lot of women come out to lunch, my wife and all. Well, poor thing, she couldn’t help it. Had to come with the rest, 1 suppos-

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November 12, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 221 But e's mean ¢ Omar THE VANISHING RUPEE.—A Cry from India. = “ht aan teen - A Colonel laments the disappearance of the Rupee, and shows how, whenever he had a step up in his Regiment (each time growing le well it. And then, in importance and having more calla on his purse), the Rupee at once took a step down, decreasing in importance and reputation. bout ; it Well, my I1.—Carrary, jay’s spoilt, if they ". € come on with us after- wards. I couldn’t shoot an ostrich sitting with a woman chattering to me. Miss CHICK WEED ’s got her eye on y Liorp. She’s marked you. Nogood trying to do a ramp. ou’re nailed, my boy, nailed ! Lloyd. - CHIckKWEED ! half killed me last night with all kinds of silly questions. me to a sure and bring he me a eae hear were very alt ble, Wh tthe — _- sta ry ? .” free from family ties, Raised to Captain’s rank, it so fell out They woolen tuediy, With constant ‘‘ fivers”’ from the Pater, I fell in love with the Station belle,* ; The Rupee I thought a goodly size, Got iced ; the Rupee, at once, no doubt, 4 foe ee Though énce ite valus was much ' ta Mite, aot in love, but value fell. Miss Chickweed(mid- dle-aged, but skittish). tL —Hae. Oh, you naughty men, how ong you have kept us waiting! Now, Cap- tain Luoyp, did you shoot really well ? Or, were you thinking — Well, perhaps I oughtn’t to say. See how discreetl am. But do tell me, all of you, eractly how many birds you shot—I do so like to hear about it. You begin, Captain Lioyp. How many did you shoot ? ( Without wait- ing for am answer.) [m sure you must have shotadozen. Yes, I guess a dozen. t oh, do give me a feather for my hat! It will be so nice to have a real feather to put in it. ss twee And we’ve got such a Children ¢ame, money went, all U P, Cramming! Schooling! Bilis by every post! treat for you. Mary, I thought, when promotion ht more pay But now, as © l, I think I see you tell them. No, I’ll (What Inck !); but that slippery my way ; but I count without my host. tell them myself. If Decreased more visibly from that > aed Janished, like a ghost, has the Rupee! tm re all very good at * By this I do not mean the Barmaid’ who presides over the stale buns at our Railway Refreshment-room ; I refer to the unch, we're going tO| prettiest girl at the Military Station where I-was quartered. = ce you a ape ———— ee - — = Seer sets eee afterwards. There Ishall haveit ship-shape. Butsay for | ride on my own acéount. I feel sure But, at this “7 — PREMIER AND PHYSICIAN. ovember. we ™) November ? thes ; ean de betertinn thove German spect, consternation : Certainly. What do you ellows. | seizesthemen. Cuat-| (Imaginary Report of an utterly | aging in November? Wall, | think Wheet to ride ?— wens (the Aost) eieansietatl ) Ishaliretranslatethe worksof Homer, | From ‘ohn o’ Groat’s to the Land’s makes frantic signs! § you got through your labours | andwrite an exhaustive article inthe End, I faney, will be the course. | to his wife, wholat Oxford, my dear friend, without) 2 lopedia Britannica (new edition) ht to do it in three days, having, somehow, feeling any ill effects ?—Certainly, | on * Life of WELtiNeton.” f course you will use more than been squared "’) | never enj myself more. Every-| And that is all? Well, anda fair one horse ?— Oh, certainly. No affects not to se¢.| one paid the deepest attention. One | amount, too!—All! What nonsense! cruelty. And I think I shall try the A few desperate | Hon actually used an ear-trumpet. | Why, that will take me less than no | walk myself on foot, just to see if a attempts are made| Well, and what do you intend doing | time. Then I think { shall ascend horsewiil be able to keep up with me. fo express a polite) next ?—Oh, lots of thin You see | Mont Blanc, sons to be able to see And is there any other exploit that joy: but the lunch| my Parliamentary is next to| how the summit looks in winter. you contemplate '—I thought I might Phe mn = and | nothing—not amotnent more thanten Then I shall tram#late the Waverley perhapsdinewith thenew Lord Mayor. darkness closes over | hoursa-day. So I must dosomething | Novels into Swedish, What! dine with the new Lord i the melancholy | with my spare time. Well, youmight be somiplored. Mayor! Why, you would never be a , : Certainly, I have no objection . Bat my hott 1 | able. to vom the i eraid ike to hear your programme. it! q piseng |¢ ion !— A Navat Iveurm¥.— ro have ‘ got it inte forms for a | ase - And Sukstndé ene, | might say this, so I have written and must not overdo strain ; the The Howe and the why? | week or 80. the end of the year | think I tlong-distance respectfully declined the invitation ! 1V.—CoLoneL.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Novemegr 12, 1899,

ia 4) 4 é ‘ Ete Wes ‘sedacin Velde 77/ hae «“ i FELINE AMENITIES. How Krxp or you To Catt—I'M 80 SORRY TO HAVE KEPT YOU WAITING!” “On, pon’t Mention 1t—I'vVE NOT BEEN AT ALL BORED ! Room Loox CoMFORTABLE IF IT WERE Mine!” 7. ty i Raat

I’vVE BEEN TRYING TO IMAGINE WHAT I SHOULD DO TO MAKE THIS

“ICHABOD! Goo, loguitur :— Here's a pretty fine business, my Magoo ! Where are we a-drifting to now ? These here tears in my eyes you must twig ; I detect the glum gloom on your brow. Most natural, Macoe, most natural! Loyal | old giants, like us, Must be cut to the heart by these times, which | they get every year wus and wus! It’s Ikybod, Macoe; I see it a-written all | over the shop. Our glory’s departed, old partner. where is it going for to stop ? That Feast of Betsnazzern weren ‘t in it for} worritting warnings woe Which our beautiful Annual — will soon not be worth half a blow. It’s not half a blow-out as it is, not com- be vared with ‘— glorious gorges. I wish, oh I wish, Mae@oe mine, we was back in the times of the GEORGES, Or even Dick Wurrriveton’s days, which for Giants was quite good enough ; But they 've spoilt ail the good things of life wits their Science, and Progress, and stu | see how it’s drifting, dear Macoe. The | T Munching House and the Gildhall Did use to be London’s fust pride. in these days? Not at all! Whippersnappers cock snooks at us, Magoe ; A ignenens pert L. C. C To whom Cali is a mistry, whose soul never loved Calipee, | tt! Ana| Is it so | S | A feller elected by groundlings, who can't tell Madeira from Port, Some sour-faced suburban Dissenter— he, Macoe, may make us his s Toes |W ithout bei popped i -< the pill old punishment that | As S the old a was. We're tting too flabby, that’s flat. The sa gallows, the stocks, and the pillory kept ] rascals in hor, | But 7 every jumped-up Jack CaDE, or /at TYLER can give us his jor | Hot- and- hot, without fear of brave Wat- wortn’s sharp dagger, or even a shower Of stones, rotten gs, and dead cats. Yah! The People has far too much power With their w and free speech, and such | fudge. Ah! if Gapstows, and Asqurru, and Burns, And a tidy of more of their sort, in the pillory just took their turns, Like t that rapscallion, Danret Dzror, what a clearance he’d have of the cad Who worrit us out of our lives with Reform, and such humbugging fads! ! Propr Macoo, loquitur :— Au, Get, Iam quite of your mind! Which ¢ mind admitting that Kyi. Toa tenant me like me was the least little bit of a i , he’s Mayor now, and did ought to be backed up as such, For what City F Fathers determine it ain't for teuch. But where are the Big Pots? The Banquet seems shorn of its splendour to-day.

No Premier, nor no Baa mny 4 See., nor no | Chancellor ! !!! Really, I say This is raseally Radical ixpesenee t How can they dare stop away, From the greatest event of the year, when the words of ripe wisdom, well wined, Should fall hey grave turtle-fed lips to make heasy the poor Public mind, As when Patmerston, Dizzy, and Satis- | re ly spoke from that time-honoured | And that Bcsicneenhiall ain’t no great loss! | —but to think the Woodchopper should | dare To neglect his fust duty like this!!! Oh! it’s Ikybod, just as you say, My Gos. Civic glory’s burst up, and the | splendour of Lord Mayor’s Day Is eclipsed by that Le. lot <al their backers. I’m full, Goa, of fears; The look-out ’s enough 4 J depress us, and move the It’s Ikybod, ky bod, Thybod Oh, for the days that were gayer, No GLADSTONE no Rosepery, no Har- court!!! Wy, next we shall have no Lord Mayor ! [Left lamenting.

Very Crvet.—Mrs. R. was very much annoyed at something she said having been misreported by a friend. ‘I can’t trust him,” said the excellent Lady ; “he twists and gargles everything I say. OrreN TALKED aBour BouT Never SEES. —** A Clean Sweep.”

——

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Novemper 12, 1892. ~ | Ae i rere 2 /\ —— “ ICHABOD!” Gos. “NO PRIME MINISTER! NO FURRIN SECKETARY! NO CHANCELLOR O’ TH’ EXCHEQUER!” Macoe (bitterly). “ S’7POSE WE SHAN’T HAVE NO LORD MAYOR NEXT!!”

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| Cebren and | decorative cover. | god, | | | anc volume of Copitithe, pieces on infants as yet Novemper 12, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 225 THE MAN WHO WOULD. I—THE MAN WHO WOULD BE LAUREATE. His name was Lecrow. He had kept hiseye on the Laureateship from his early boyhood, when he sent verses to the Poets’ Corner of the Bungay Weekly Mail, which sometimes published them ; then he cut them oat, ond soaken them neatly ina book, which he still possesses. He always wrote on an occasion. * Lines on on the Re- covery of My Sister Euity from the Mumps”; “ Dirge on the Decease of a Favourite Squirrel,’ ee “No more!” but there was always plenty more where that came from, and is still. At College he was one of the three men who wrote in College Rhymes, and secured for that periodical a ci by taking a hundred copies each. Leorow sent dozens of marked, to every poet he heard of, generally addressing them * Aturep” (if that was the Minstrel’s a name). D crite ** Brother, ay Brother, my sweet, swift Brother!” who dic d not answer ; others were good-natured, and would rect “Dear Sr, ~T have to acknowledge, with many thanks _ your Paris, and anticipate much pleasure from its perusal.” LeGIon kept all these letters in a book, and published some of them as advertisements of his Ce- o— ‘a (an unsuccessful Newdigate), when it appeared i ina volume, with an astonishingly It was a classi- oa piece, in blank verse. Cebren, he father of CEnone, is represented pe fn Paris what his intentions are as regards that lady. It was a yon of classical genre, the author said: such interviews must have occ when a young Trojan prince, with no particular expectations, Peon: marked atten- tions to the hter of a River- like Cebren. Here is a specimen piece,— “Now mark me, Paris,’’ said the River- god, {w 7 Seated among the damp lush water- His tresses crowned with crow’s-foot,— “ Mark my words, Thou dalliest with my daughter; what thine aim, I as Ff and crave an answer—great thy ine, e lineage of renowned Laomedon. sires have wedded goddesses ere new, But wealthy though the House of Troy may be. Thy father has a monstrous family, Daughters and sons as countless as the rills t Ida sends to be my tributaries. Wi iat he can give thee, what thy pro- spects are, What settlements thou art prepared to If thou wouldst lead (Enone to the altar, This would I know; excuse an anxious sire!” Then Paris murmared :— “ Honourable but vague, Remote, but honourable, my purpose is : And that great River-god arose in flood, Monstrous, and murmuring, and to the main. He swept the works of men and oxen down, And had not Paris climbed into a tree, He ne’er had crossed the ocean ; never seen The fairest face that | hed a th d ships, And burned the topless towers of Ilium. last line ‘and a half, Some accused Leorow of plagiarising the which reminded them, they said, of Maxtowz. But he great wits jump, that it was an accidental coincidence. The public, | which rarely cares much for , was struck by Cebren and | Paris, ** There is in it,” said the Parthenon, “ = ctesnel — | and a chord is struck, yy by sae from rom the which will find an answer in er of a vot a faily.” The Clergy at quoted a ond Pa Paris in their ¢l sermons, and t > uk tok favourite prize at seminaries for young ladies. Consequently all the other Cin ll the nobody buys, | arose, o> ee reviews grea Leaton's book. @ followed inpumera - the po a by Idle of the vet tacugeble of speaking - and Parw d justly, ollowed ‘it up by i: - Walker—London.” lof ied that | — walki This had an enormous success among y marri le, an enthusiastic class of the community. tions you might hear— Tootsy, w ¥ sing, Mammie's dar Age ba thing! Coral lips that fret the coral, Innocence completely moral. Sweet Babe, They say Naught sagen to Babe, In any lay In sequence to these effusions, Leeronw poured forth Ballades, and Rondeaux, and wrote a Chant Royal on a General Election which occupied a whole column of a newspaper, and needed three men to read, with a for the “envoy.” But this ditty was not thought to have seri affected the voting classes in any direction. Leeion Was now w y spoken of as ‘‘the versatile Mr. Leoron,” a com- pliment which 4-7 ee to annoy him hugely. Sated with produced ‘Phe turned into a vein of new poetry, and produced he Sing _, — — his admirers averred was ‘‘racy of d English Opera, 7 r: a & == mage Lanel at immense expense, Leeiow Eline the Lib . Zr > o>” newly- t recita- Save “ astrolabe,” And Tippoo Saib be: Oh, tiny face, And tiny feet, Oh, infant grace, So incomplete, Kiss me, my Sweet | ! st. patriotic, but not exactly Still, with all these claims on his country, Lxeron lived fe hopes which were wofully disap- pointed; for, when his chance came at last, a Prime Minister of modern ideas declared tet, as a Laureate is not useful, he must be ornamental. brag neither nrg nor aoe, aay of his rivals, ive, what- — yeh have have — in their eS. the same —— Be as yn Cmaan. The wreath was therefore offered (by a Plébiscite conducted in a oo em be the young ee ot whose verses an ra secured the — number of vets} _ = in every on von ettanin her twenty-f Afth day. The beau- tiful and accomplish plished Mrs. Jine- Ley Jones trium in this trul —_ competition, and her boo rushed into a sale of two hundred and fifty copies. After this check the writing of poetry ceased to attract male enterprise— to Pa . ene ed of Publishers and though the mar- ket ae waste- per received a shock from which it never rallied. The youthful male population of England determined never to be- come Poets, unless they were — ane Poets, a resolution on wie, all times, a minority of the race had acted, with the best results ** Norges anD Papgr.”—There is a lot of “paper” about from ‘ No, Mr. Jounywie Tootx, Sir, not your ** paper,” for your House is crammed and your‘ paper” is at a premium. But this par- ticular WALKER, Warwick Y) House, London, \\% sends forth ‘* So- ciety Stati ee which,” Mrs. Gamp would \ have said, * ‘a . ey) Z . A 2 Mr. J. L. “Walker” Toole and Pull Company.” Paper,” which should be a Society Paper as old as the tics Bet Pa it might be used a F Fogey Club. Warxrnr & Co.'s ’s new ** Society Paper,” whether antique or modern, tty and quite harmless—till pen and ink are at work on it; o\SPae ——but that ’s another story. tique

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' | i | you; PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [November 12, 1892, COSTS AS THEY ARE AND WILL BE. Scenes from a Farcical Tragedy showing that some of the Judges’ 7 we recommendations THE PRESENT (as they Solicitor awaiting wealthy Client. Solicitor. The lady is to be shown in the moment she arrives ; and mind, I am not to be disturbed as long as she is here. Clerk. Yes, Sir. Sol. Quite pleasant way Ah, my dear lady, and how are you ? Client. Very well, thank but Bossy is not so | well, and as for Maxny—— [ Enters into long domestic detaa/s. Sol. (in a sympathetic | tone). Dear me! And what | has given me the pleasure of seeing you here to-day ? Client. I only looked in to ask you how you thought our suit was go- ing on ” Sol. Oh, capitally! You know, we have had several appointments before the | Chief Clerk in Chambers, and [ Enters wnto long explan- ation, bristling with technicalities. Chent (quite at sea). | Dear me, what a compli- | suit is! cated affair a Chancery I had no idea we should have to do all this. | But won't it be very ex- | but it will a | of the estate. pensive ? Sol. (smiling). Well, yes; be paid out You, my dear lady, won't have to pay anything for it —I mean out of your own pocket. Client. Oh, that is de- lightful! Beeause you see with the carriages and the opera-box And that reminds me, I think I shall give up the opera-box. Do you know last Season the music was magnificent, but quite too learned. think —— (Gwes | views at great length upon | and future. the Opera, past, present At the end of her remarkse—) But how I do run on! | am afraid | am taking up your time. Sol. Not at all. I have nothing particular to do, and our interview comes out of the estate. Now are you sure we can do nothing for you this morning ? The last time you were here we got copies of all the orders for you. Client (laughing). Why, I came across a bundle the other day, and could not make out what it was, and laid it aside, because I it must have something to do with that troublesome Chancery suit. i, my dear Madam, that parcel represented However, it doesn’t matter; you won’t have to pay for it, as it will come out of the estate. And now, what can we ou looked into the accounts carefully ? I am rather fond of figures. Sol. Then we will send you a copy for, ey the last five years. Sol. laughing). We several pounds. for you ? a Chent. No, an Sol. Not at all. Exit Client. " bill of costs, and then observes—) Nota THE FUTURE (as they will be). might be adopted immediately. ) Scune—Solicitor’s Private Room. Clerk in attendance. are). Sol. Now mind, on no account is she {Ezit. about all sorts of things of spending a morning. uxurious costs,” ( Enter Client.) the Court won't el] and takes up my time dreadfully, and Chent. No thanks—I think not. And now I must say good-bye, I am ashamed to take up so much of your valuable time. I shall be amply remunerated out of the estate. Solicitor gives his Clerk the heads for siz folios of a bad morning’s work ! Scene—The Same. Solicitor and Clerk discovered. to be admitted. She talks ’ now and objects to pay out jof he om, ai, a | nothing. mi e is | not to be admitted. | Clerk. Very good, Sir. (Exit. | Sol. Yes. At my very | busiest time, when every moment is valuable! ( Enter Client.) What you, my dear Madam! I really am too busy to attend to | you this m . Client (astonished). Why you said you were always pleased to see me! | Sol. But that was before | the Judges’ recommenda- | tions were adopted. Nowa- days we must not let you | run up costs until we have | explained to you in writi what you are about. as all you say will come out of your own pocket, |and net out of the estate, it is only fair to warn you. | Client. What, out of m oy pena Then I | be o Sol. Sorry to give up our | pleasant conversations, but | . p they run intomoney. ( Ezit = Follett | | | ~ _— ' be tepiins | BALANCE OF PROBABILITIES. High Church Lady. Cao?” Lew Church Verger. ‘‘I Dow’T FANCY THERE'S HANY SUCH NAME 'EREABOUTS, M’w. I THINK IT Was ONLY THE Pew-Orgner!” ‘*I suppose THAT WAS THe Lapy CHAPEL BEHIND THE I hope you received them safely. I do not think I have opened the packet! saw your name upon it and thought We hope he was a-Lottie’d In all its earnings. do ** Vizit. He wrote ‘ Ta-ra Chent. Bhall I be able to make them out Sol. You ought to be able to do so, my dear Madam. They will be prepared by a leading firm of Accountants, and we will check them ourselves before we send them to you. May it not Ere he produce another catchin But should he fail, then when th Be laid to rest, it will suffice to say, -ra- Boom-de-ay '’” Client, when the | shakes his head to the Clerk | who has brought his rough draft of costs, and to which nothing now can be legal added, and observes—) Not a good day’s work ! THE BOOM-DE-AY POET. [“ Mr. Ricuarp Morrow, the author of “ Ta-ra-ra- boom-de-ay,”” has been called to prove what would be « | reasonable figure = whole roprie ights of a song. - py Reports, Nor. 3rd.} t’other day !— The Author of *‘ Ta-ra-ra- Boom-de-ay !” Judge brought e share long song ; e poet’s clay Is there anything else ? a leaven of Mars. R., on hearing that a Cricket-team, though not first-rate. had good players, inquired how they could have more of them. (It should have been in Jus- _ tice ** Contre’ ” Court) When the Inspired Bard the Jury fa As he within the witness-box was placed. He told us how his Pegasus would fly From plain (two guineas) up to (ten) the sky! But for the song he wrote for Lottie fair } He came before the public | ‘Twas in a case before | GRANTHAM | | | |

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NovemBer 12, 1892.] PONCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL Yy THE LORD MAYOR'S SHOW. AG — é - el ( HLA eo ads lag ee LAN sd! Lt eT eed yi * a 44) SIA ) ui 4 L if, } [ PPP e yess naqery, ip a Al A~ 14 OE gig i y gh MEDITATIONS OF THE LORD MAYOR’S FOOTMAN. - io -9! WPS! NAN ay o OIFS Oy \ yey © aA yi WAS LO

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAR)I. {Novemper 12, 1892, | Punch, who was ‘“‘ wonderful good ’’—(it was just the time when she ’ ’ | OPERA-GOERS’ DIARY. | did blunder on to a winner)—and I made up my mind to follow the | Covent Garden, Tuesday, Nov. 1st.—Tristan und Isolde. About | new Prophet Daxret ; but, by Jove! it resulted in a loss, and Dare | the dullest thing that even a much-enduring Wagnerite ever heard. panes Pe an ey or ees po ny ae lass do to zero. | Tac ung eaviuy on e ons, n the |G down r aii Citak nes tale adi ‘pleasant position of owing the Ring a substantial sum in addition to pies “the old.” through following My Wife's advice—whilst Aer banking- account is poe» aes augmented through having laid against her own tips! This may be humorous, but as | said, | don’t approve of humour when exercised on myself | ; I laughed most consumedly at some of her articles, but on looking them over again—{she has kept the lot, pasted in a —a monu- ment to my fatuity !)}—I don’t think so much of them now I know | she wrote them, and see that I could have made numberless valuable suggestions had she only seen fit to consult me! Of course I could stop any further contribution on her part, but consideration for your \ readers(?) prevents that—to say nothing of Aer determination to continue—so I have therefore consented to her odd whim, on the condition that in future I ‘‘ edit” her contributions ;—I need hardly \\ assure you that I shall confine my “ editing” strictly to these limits, and that your own Editor need be under no apprehension as to my usurping his place,—ably as I should, no doubt, fill it! AY : 7 a He heareth 7) wlan He heareth Caval- He seeth and heareth | My Wife begs me to follow her example, and conclude with a verse und Isolde wrapt in leria Rusticana Aida, * More power —(I don’t know where she picked up such a bad habit)—but—while slumber. rapt in ecstasy. to your Melba! | bowing to her wishes—{I am always polite)—to a certain extent, | Wednesday.—Glass up again. Orféo with the two Ravoott and | absolutely decline to make the verse other than blank ! the marvellous Bavenmemster as Cupid. Wonderful little lady | Believe me, Yours obediently, BaveRMersTer-singer! [’ve said it before, and I repeat it emphati- | Cuartes Pomperson (Bart.). cally’ BAUERMEISTRE is r. little iy @ to + ——— JourgwaListic SELECTION. Mascaent's Cavalleria Rusticana was the second course night, ‘ in which this adaptable lady, the Cupid of the first piece, appeared as_ 1 MUST confess og compelled |" — opine, 4 5 sitter of old heart-broken grey-haired Lucia, the mother of the gay Turiddu. To write for any ’ o write for Punch! [choice Were Sir Avevusrvs inclined to introduce a little light English | On a slip of paper found in Sir CuaRtes’s envelope, we have the jocosity into this serious Opera, he might give a line to the im-'| fo owing from our valued —ae :—"* Dear Mr. lacable Alfio, saying, ‘“I1*ve come to rid you of Turiddu!” If| Powcu,—I am too upset to write—you shall hear from me next Mas sont had heard this, he would have com posed an additional |week. Yours as devotedly as ever,—Lapy Gay.’’] Intermezzo expressing the = _ of the —. h ‘ | Thursday.—Carmen expected, but tenor off colour, so change ot | . air (or should say airs) re roe hm | and adopted. Audience sent| ANnscpotacr.—Mr. Punch one day was reading aloud from a book to the countrv, or, rather, Rusticana brought to them. lof anecdotes when Mr. WeEpow GrossMITH was present, ** What Friday.— House crammed. Great excitement to hear Metsa as/ rot!” observed the representative of Lord Arthur Pomeroy. And Aida, the darky girl. Everybody delighted, except perhaps Metsa! Mr. Punch agreed with him. herself, who, on seeing the bouquets, must have murmured, “* Zrop de feurs!”’ Every- > a ag body guvod. Quite the best night of the PHANTASMA-GORE-IA. Season. To-night BaveRmeisTEeR “7 ar Picturing the various Modes of Melodramatic Murder, (By Our ‘‘Of-his”-Head Poet.) Sacerdotessa, So this week she as been . IL—THE N MURD Cupid, an old Peasant Woman, Frasquita, a a. — ae. Brigand’s Young Woman: and then, being | SIT close to your friend, for a frightful end mor he lifts, and the lot he shifts ! aaanet o ni stess | ’ Is at hand for the miser Jew! unfortunate miser Jew! a rng my py dy Deda — ee Sit tight to your seat while the pulses beat— | What use is your gold, now your time is told, . ‘ oes Nestle ose to your neighbour, do! And your moments in life are few ? SS For he'll perish, alas! You may writhe where you sit ‘ . = From a property glass Like an eel in a fit, LADY GAY’S DETECTION, Filled with nothing whatever—neat ! But you ’ll die like the Jews of old! Me. Powcn, Sir, Berkeley Square, W. He’s there by himself, counting piles of —i2 ‘ I am surprised to find a Journal of your | pelf SEZ standing lowering itself to follow the example Of a counterfeit gamboge hue. of the so-called *‘ Society Journals” by im- | He ’s wizened and dried like old Arthur serting contributions from women !—I have Gride, discovered, no matter how, that My Wife, That the novelist Dickens drew. who always devlares she hates letter-writing, | In the midst of his heaps, has for months past contributed a long) He conveniently sleeps weekly letter to Punch, dealing with racing | With his glass at his right-hand from a humorous (save the mark!) point of | side! view! NowI never make jokes myself—at | least intentionally—nor do I think it becomes | Keep watch on the door while he snores a man of position to do so—and I quite agree his snore— with Swirr or Smexrpay (I know it was one | See it open a foot or two! of these infernal clever literary chaps) who | Oh! well is it planned! for the wobbling said, ‘‘ A humorous woman is a delusion and | a snare!"’—so you may imagine my disgust Of the villain, with bottle blue, ournal ! at finding My Wife writing for a J ! Knows at once where to pass why couldn’t she have asked Me to help To the property glass her ’—and signing her artieles anon ly Of the melodramatic brand ! too!—for I need hardly tell you she is no| more ** Gay” than I am !—at all’events when | The murderer goes ; the Jew’s eyes un- in my society ! close, nA Like most busy idlers (that is not intended And they look for his liquor true! for a joke)—I go racing a bit, and of course | Sit tight while the treat is at fever heat; You may le a ** have a bit on” like other people, and having For I saw by that bottle blue, And get awf hot, tried all the turf-prophets in turn, with un- | And I knew by its label too, But you ’ll have to tie stiff and cold! satisfactory results, I was delighted to hear) That the stuff it contained, ou may wriggle no end, from a friend that ‘a new Danzer had come If by an drained, But wn 'ee 9 dead “en, friend— to judgment” in the person of a tipster on Must prove total if taken neat ! Till the in is quite ! ty NOTICE.—Reyected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will im no case be returned, not even when accompanied by « Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper, To this rule there will Le no exception,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Novemnse 12, 1892. good. MORE EFFICACIOUS THAN ANY OTHER PECTORAL PREPARATION FOR COUGHS, COLDS, LARYNCITIS, HOARSENESS, CATARRH, ASTHMA, &c. FPASSETT & JOHNSON, 32, Gnew Hill, London, E.C. ITARDS FAMOUS V.S.0.P. BRANBY, 6&s. per Doz. Cash. —OTTLED IN COGNAC, AND VERY CHOICE) SUPPLIED BY ARNOLD, PERRETT, & G@.,LD., \MILY WINE MERCHANTS, LOWER BELGRAVE STREET, LONDON, 6.W., AND BRANCHES. CLAUSEN & SONS’ CHAMPAGNE LAGER BEER. Brewed and bottled in New York. NTAINED AT THE PRINCIPAL 8 AND RESTAURANTS. Agent, H. A. BRUNETTI, SEETHING LANE, E.C. narEQuP 1M ish\C ep ee oy am APPROACHABLE Y¥. Forbes, as 2°. & oo, ‘Lta., CARLTON HIGHLAND MALT WHISKEY. ELEVEN YEARS OLD. GOLD MEDAL, CALCUTTA EXHIBITION 1984 Caen Oxcr. he 7 es a scam Mm be t free Stdan co tecligh of ba peytey RICHD. MATHEWS & CO., 24 and 2%, Hart St., Bloomsbury, W.C. Buld wet Become ne, Bemocoe © throughvat L, PARIS EXHIRITION, i768 L, DUBLIN EXINIMITION, 1865. KINAHAN’S LL AND GLENISLE biskies. Scotch Whisky Sal WHISKIES RD STREET, YORK ROAD, LAMBETH, .._ ae SAMEFORD'S MAGNESIA, TY of rwe STOMACH, HEARTHURY, “ACHE, GOUT, and INDIGESTION. e throughout the World. HOOPING COUGH, CR ROUP. ,, ROCHE'S HERBAL EMBROCA A . ed effectuas cure stout internal ‘ole Wholesale Agents, W. Eawanns & due at. Street, | ondes . emit Price és, butte K. Acann, ~~, Kue St. artia. “ eRe » North William Street. _COOK & HOLDWAY’S or wee Brovomam. Onrormat Bei TED BROUGHAMS. DU As fs ibnwe Steg Ores © paavaut. . Bork Frac and Waser von coon » BOLDwAT, Coach bufiders to Her Wa‘osty, MALKIN PLACK, BELGMAVE SQUAKE FRERES’ FIRST QUALITY CHAMPAGNE. Prepared by W. f. | Sold im Hottien, La.) > OPE . ~Y eli PATENT DIAGONAL SEAM CORSET. Will not split in the Seame mor tear im the Fabric. ‘The 7 CS ot wed ce —, Ia Px Made tn White, Black, ond all the fashionable Colours and Shades, or Italian Cloth, Satin, and Coutil, also in the «? | ary Woollen Cloth, 4/11, Sil, el, Fil Aes wand up arda Sold B' A the Principal Drapers and Ladies Outt tters in the ote Mepass. united kingdom & colonies. SAVE YOUR LIVES BY TAKING OWBRIDGE’S LUNG TONIC. THE MIGHT? | HEALER. 0 6 ee es ae hitherto unkaown 4S a 4c REMOVE IT Kironchitia and Asthma i relieves instantly The Spasms af Whooping Cough become less with each dose of the medicine. Tuace » Chemist, Ly la, by . Od, 44. Od., and Chemis Pit mnt Medici “eV on COLT’S NEW UNITED STATES ARMY & WAVY REVOLVER for House Protection, Travellers, and fee Military Pur . takes Ele 6 3 cal. Express awd all « ther 3 % cal Pistol Cartridges COLTS LIGHTNING Target Practice, ave unsurpassed for accuracy and eneq vailed for rapidity of fre CcOoLT’s REVOLYV ERS are used all over the World. Price List free, COLTS FIREARMS co., ». Giacshouse | a. Pleeadilly Circus, “London. Ww. REY HA R RESTORED. ANIG wit ea a REY of FAL pa INA COLOUR aft tn ag tens. he ble Beard and “A Fexs “? au nee eee juareman’ Uaion ioe ree tom vane or any irk a stance Write 9 Somete 5 caw a, mile awrite Wile rand. ” iolet A. B. BILLER, %, Rerners St., Oxford &., W. BOOT | Beguistie Model. Pe Perfect Fit. Guaranteed Wear. | F YOU COUGH, tae GERAUDEL’S PASTILLES. Their effect is instantaneous. TESTIMONIAL FROM MADAME MARIE ROZE. For some time past I have used Géraudel’s Postilles, amd they have deme me great Atesen” No Narcotic Ingredients. TESTIMONIAL FROM MADAME SARAH BERNHARDT. The cold weather is upon us; so be kind enough to send me a further supply of Géraudel’s Pastilles. Compliments. o%nek Mambard8 Price per Case, 1s. 1d Cam be ordered through any Chemist, or sent post free on receipt of price by the Wholesale Depot for Great Britam : 'Martell’s a Brandy. ALL WINER MERCHANTS AND GROCERS 4T EVERY BAR AND RESTAURANT. Gentlemen should try sample, stating size of col lar, chest, a height Meret aSrreerre ror arrneven of. Made to spe clal measure or pattern, no exte charge TAATYE & COLYPWELL, & Gasrtos Sr., Demtus HOWARD BEDFORD {BOOMER PRESSES. - ‘FOR THE ‘BLOOD BB THE LIFE.” GLARKE’S WORLD-FAMED BLOOD MIXTURE peocmocease clegmae the blood from a!) impurities Beceae, Sh arising. Vor terofuia, Beurvy zema, Shin's ood liimenses, and Sores of al! ae its effect an8 marvelious. It is the on! ifte for Gout and Rheumstie Pains, hte ” os the capee from ¢ blood and Hones butties, and jie. of all Chemists. Py prictors, m and Midiand Counties Drug Co limeola wees or Wonrncese lurrations

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For PLEASURE and PROFIT. FRUIT ng sc Profitable and Rasy te Grow. 74 ACRES IN STOCK. Bee CATA (| for @imple Instructions and kinds of Trees to suit all Soils ROSES NDREDS OF THOUSANDS BU sues. Ba. wd doz., 60s. 100. Pecking and Carriage Free for Cash with order ROSES in Pots, fen 15s. per doz. ORNAMENTAL TREES 91 ACRES. 4 ACRES OF CLASS. _ Temas 80,000), from 15s. per dos. Mingle es oa at slightly increased SEEDS and i Vegetable, Flower, BULBS ’ and Farm. DESCRIPTIVE LISTS FREE RICHARD SMITH & CO. Worcester. RIPPINGILLE’S PATENT FRIZE MEDAL Warminc STOVES. THER BRAT OF sTovEs IN THE WORLD. FOR WARMING Mees, stadion, “Mahe, =, &c., and eerine r eee + =P rhou event recarrr ’ Ess ok RLRSS, ANLE BAPE, AND LEANLY om from « few Shillings. » ev a lnow MOvoERS awe Laur Deacons Ack for RIPPINGILLES, and take no other om 1 ated List, and : [me yo Agent, free ALBION LAMP ©0., BIRMINGHA ALL FAT PEOPLE f take TRELERD TALES Regd ) wreees. Send is 64. to Factory Pavasent, London BEST BLACK INK KNOWN. DRAPER'S INK (DICHROIC). Of all Stationers. LONDON DEPOT: | HAYDEN & CO., 10, Warwick Square, E.C. Manufacturers, BEWLEY & DRAPER, Ltd., Dutiis. a PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Novemser 12, 1892. a - » lip aaa - >. ~ a 7 wR —- FOR A THOUSAND USES ON LAND AND SEA MAKES COPPER LIKE COLD. MAKES TIN LIKE SILVER. MAKES PAINT LOOK NEW. MAKES MARBLE WHITE. MAKES BRASS LIKE MIRRORS. FOR POTS AND PANS. FOR KNIVES AND FORKS. FOR KITCHEN TABLES. FOR BATHS AND WINDOWS. FOR EVERYTHING. REMOVES RUST FROM STEEL AND IRON. SPARKLING CLASSWARE. SHINING POTS AND PANS. CLEAN HANDS. POLISHED STAIR RODS. SOLD BY IRONMONGERS, GROCERS, AND CHEMISTS EVERYWHERE. PUBLISHED EBVERYVY SATURDAY. Vinolia Soa DELICIOUS SCENTS. DELICHTFUL ACTION. DEMULCENT MATERIALS. | ,