Punch 1892-11-05: Vol 103 Iss 2678

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NovemBer 5, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI 205 ES... ———— you should CONVERSATIONAL HINTS FOR YOUNG SHOOTERS. | ?°??=xorox’s place—where we 'd been fee en he Luxcu (continued).—Perhaps the best piece of advice that I can give you, my young friend, is that—for conversational purposes— make a careful study of the natures and temperaments of your companions. Watch their little peculiarities, both of manner and of shooting ; pick up what you can about their careers in sport | and in the general world, and use the knowledge so acquired with tact and discretion when you are talking tothem. For instance, if it was, and Sawpr’s as blind as a bat. we got to the Devil’s Punchbowl I knew there’d be some warm games, ‘cos the horse started off full tilt, and, before you could say knife. over we went. I pitched, head first, into Dick's , and Sanpy and Brit went bowling down like a right and left of rabbits. Lord, l mneeee till the tears ran down my face. No bones broken, but the Borcuer’s face got a shade the worst of it with a thorn- bush on the slope. Cart smashed into matchwood, of course.” one of the party is a celebrated shot, who has done some asto- | | nishing record at driven grouse, you may, after th necessary | preliminaries, ask him to be good enough to tell you what was the precise number of birds | he shot on o- —: Tell | him, if you like t the ques- tion arose the other day during a discussion on the three finest game-shots of the world. If) you happen to know that he | shot eighteen hi birds, | you can say that most people | fixed the figure at fifteen hun- dred. He will then say,—** Ah, I know most people seem to have got that notion—I don’t know why. As a matter of fact, I managed to get eighteen hundred and two, and oy picked up twenty-two on the following morning.” Your obvious re- mark is, “‘ By Jove!” (with a strong emphasis on the ‘* by ”) “what magnificent shooting!’ After that, the cng rues ong of its own accord. ith a shot your method is, of course, quite different. For example :— Young Shot. I must say I like the old style of walking up your birds better than driving, especially in a country like this. I never saw such difficult birds | as we had this morning. You | seemed to have the worst of the luck everywhere. ad Shot. Yes—they didn’t come my way much. But I don’t get much practice at this | a ah a@ man’s no without practice. Y. 8S. That was a deuced long shot, all the same, you | =p! off in o last drive. en saw him coming at about a hundred miles an hour, I thanked my stars he wasn’t | ay tie. hat a thump he/| ell) B. 8. Oh, he wasa fairly eas shot, though a bit far off. daresay I should do well enough if I only got more shooting. | I’m not shooting with my own gun, though. It's one of my brother’s, and it’s rather short | in the stock for me. | That starts you comfortably | with the Bad Shot. You soothe | his ruffled vanity, and give him | a better appetite for lunch. Now, besides the Good Shot, and the Bad Shot—the two| extremes, as it were, of the it: (2.) The Dressy Shot. Won- | oe bs the a cating. and partment. taste- fal too, in the setian af ca and ties, Ma a d ties. May be flattered by an inquiry as to where he got his gaiters, and if they are an idea of his own. Sometimes | bursts out into a belt covered | with silver clasps. Fancy waist- _ coats a speciality. His smoking- | suit, in the evening, is a dream of gorgeous rain Is some- times a very fair shot. Gene- rally wears gloves, and a fair moustache (3.) The Bored Shot. A good 8 , who says he doesn't care about sport. Often has Speneay —— | _ Has ay is own, is, consequently, looked upon as a rather dan- gerous idealist by honest country gentleme’, who confine their reading to an occasional peep at the Times, and an intimate quoting uaintance with the novels of Mr. Surtees. Often shocks his companions by tellin them he really doesn’t care muc about killing things, and would just as soon let them off. How- ever, pyavows a perieney Tr anger e misses uently. Is not unlikely to be an autho- | rity on sheep and oxen, and may, |perhaps, be as the ive Candidate for his County division, dumb but in- dignant County magnates find- ing that he expresses their views better than they can do it themselves. Don't talk to him about sport. Try him with books, interesting articles in the Magazines, and so forth. (4.) The Soldier Shot, This kind is generally a Captain, | dresses well, but not gaudily, 'and smokes big cigars. There | seems to be a general idea that a man who can teach privates to shoot targets must able to shoot game himself. Yet the Soldier i irds quite often Cowarp! You aNp your Frienps sxinnep a Live Froo!” shot big oe in India with an Master Victor (an industrious but very touchy litle Boy). “‘ You "ne a | S0ouracy smerenses & pro- Lian! Tax Froo was Deap, axp rou Kyow ir!” portion to the number of miles ; imjfrom the Miss Fanny. “Boonoo! Wuerner rr was Dead oR NoT, You vej—t eh nod After all GOT NO RIGHT TO CALL Names; ‘cos I’m A Giant, AND cAN’r Poncn | the ability to * brown” a her your Heap!’ _ | of elephants does not guarantee Master Victor, “‘Ir's sust Bacause you'se A Gini THAT J CAN'T | rights and lefts at partridges. Poncn Yours/ You saOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YCU/ Apt to declaim tersely and hardehipe of —"“ANIMIS CCELESTIBUS IRAE!” A MODERN SCIENTIFIC DISCUSSION. misses Miss Fanny (a gentle and most veracious Child). ‘Yau! vou onvet| beautifully. He will have + y Jovial Shot. self and with everybody else. there is a rollicking air p So by nick-names. His at any rate, a succes life,” he begins, ‘as ing estime. I did last SANDY was driving us back en, line of shooters—you might subdivide your sportsmen further into— | j ut. 7 is party is on excellent terms with him-| you hear he isa celebrity in Mee 74 he shoots fairly well, but case, get details from t him, to he shoots badly. He knows everybody, and ‘ Ling — id Saypy, Burcnen Brit, Dick Whortiesvey, and myself. from Dill CALLED ME A Cowarp!” foreibly about the oa - a military career. (5.) The Average Shot. Talk to him about ave matters, unless some other branch of sport. In that bim of his last Alpine climb, or his latest run or ask his views on i _——. Most average shots racing think about it. = ai oJ Dangerous Shot, because it is never distance of him. In fact, he ought not , _ i ony nething Deve Sout vig Et to at all | am not sure he ought to be allowed to live i ite furni for many an animated conver- which disarms criticism, even when | talks of most } may be eed | fee never laughed so m There were four of us— oF in my illwater Hall—you know, old VOL. CII,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL Le [NovemBer 5, 1899, ~~ Hh Yi ifs 26 ay 4 rk > = —__ * = he as oY N i] "p; e/ i) ") t} w= \\\\ Ur “9 a ‘ Wy, Y Za\\\\ l e Ly (YG, WH S N (SOS. ——= 2a - . ! iit " in — | wT AAMT | \ = — —_ n= \ —» —_ ye AI UYU iii WELT ig} Wh NIL . —s —— ie ‘ if i I, = ~ \ N \ \\ | WH ° Ne Jt SS } 1 WL}. 7B Aull | | hy YOO A | | | ! Hl It : ih fateh Wl, | Hai >, tn. | Nina GEES = “ a} | bill I f y M) hug Hl = a) a Lae | i f in Hh) wry / ») Yeo Mee IK Y . if ‘ rll L h Sa WAIN na N Waal. \\\ OV ‘ ie \ \ 2 \ N MT d . ia a at 4 —————_| \ THE CABINET MEET.

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November 5, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. G ; oe tea inal pene cos foemeut, Trip ie A BUCKJUMPERISH SENSATION. [It is rumoured that some of Burrato Bri1’s Broncos have been bought by the Cab Proprietors of London.) Cabby. ‘Sir strut, Stn! Tats arn’r NOTHIN’ TO WoT ’’E CAN DO. You'Lt sex 'IM TURN "EAD over "Eels PRESENTLY |” iipe:, “s A QUESTION OF POLICE; Or, What it may come to. Scere—Trafalgar Square just before sunset. Police in abundance ; number of Processionists in various parts of the open space seen to be dispersing. Police Inspector. Now, my friends, I am going to be as polite as possible, but I must obey the regulations of, the Commissioners of | Her Majesty’s Works and Public Buildings. And I say you can- | not speak, because you have not given proper notice to the authorities. _ First Orator. But I have—I tell you I wrote to the Commissioner four days ago. Pol. In, Oh, did you? Then that of course alters the case. What are you, Sir ? First Or. I am the “ Friends of the ag | Hands of Labour.” Pol. In, (after referring to note-book). Ah, I t At I was right. Your application came in second, Sir—the ‘* Decayed Washerwomen” got in before you. Look here. (Pointing out regulation.) “* Not more than one Meeting shall be allowed at the same time, and if notices of two or more Mestings, are given for the same day, - | ference shall he given to that Meeting of which notice shall have | been first received.” So you see, Sir, are not in it. Better luck next time. There is another Bank Holiday six months hence. First Or. But the “‘Decayed Washerwomen” are not here, and | Pol. In. Very sorry, Sir, but you must move on. (First Orator | disappears with grum followers.) I say, Brix, I do really think these regulations are wor quite pleasantly. Bill (a subordinate). Yes, Sir. Second Orator. (entering hurriedly, accompanied. by some aged : *). Here, I say, where are we to make speeches ? Pol. In. (gemally). Nowhere, unless you have the proper authority. Who may you be when you are at home ? Second Or. (fussily). Why, the " Decayed Washerwomen,” to be sure. Now, look sharp, and find us a place to deliver speeches. You know you must do it, by order of the— Pol. In. Yes, I know. Well, what do you say to the top of that lamp-post ? cond Or. Now, none of your chaff. Mind, you are the servants of the public, and -—— Pol. In. Yes—but don’t deliver a speech to me—I am not a ** Decayed Washerwoman.” Chorus of Indignant Females. We should think not. It would be a good thing if you were! Second Or. Now, look sharp. We have been r coming than we expected. The cabs and omnibuses were so troublesome. Now, where shall I stand ? Pol. In. (considering). Well, I think you would be out of the way if you got up there, and spoke to them down below. [Points out elevated position in front of the National Gallery. Second Or. But they won’t be able to see, much less to hear me ! Pol. In. Can’t help that. The Commissioners of Her Majesty’s Works and Public Buildings don’t provide telescopes nor yet ear- —— Bill (eateaeng), Panes, Sir! Pol. In. There, you see! Thought you would be too late. Time’s up. Glad to see you another day. But now—move on! [And the Police Regulations are obeyed, Curtai, Tue Goop Otp (Scuwpar) Toxes Revivep.—The imen number of The Sunday Times as it was at its commencement in1822, given on Sunday, October 23rd, 1892, is most interesting. Theatrical adver- tising was quite “a feature ” at that time, when only two Theatres, Drury Lane and Covent Garden, seem to have ad The names there are of Epwunp Kean simply as Mr. Keax, of Messrs. Dowtow, Harter, Youre, Monpey, Mrs. Grover, and of Madame VEsTnis as Ophelia, there, as also Listow and Miss Srzrnens. Prize Fights are done in the good old Tom-and-J style, and the Police are so amusing as to such a light touch as is occasionally given in “Day by Day” of the Daily Te h, t be sewers welcome in (Police) vonrt ype er, & thought to reproduce Sunday Times 1822, aol uaz 0 Senda Times of 1892 live up to it, and be *“* going strong” in 1992! Prosit/ BranaM is

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| expense. L 208 | to Guy, and he told them t dd. ley F— as PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ———— done b ising and bringing their grievances before Parli GUY-FOX POPULI. with cow ty redial og mut bee by agheenes Tae proceedings of the Midnight Mass Meeting of Unem for the Franchise. “* , one vote!" would be a popular cry Guys at Vanrhall on the fifth of November were of a somewhat dis- just now, when some Reforms were believed to be in con- orderly nature, the speeches being " a maga Leg Fa TN a Erg by Mr. Punch's i x was The Chair-guy (whose appearance was comparatively respectable) said he was proud to oscury the chair—notwithetansing that the bottom was out of it. (Shame /) he could tell the meeting he had donkey-cart once upon a time, if he Aad come down to a wheelbarrow now! (Cries of “ Toff!” and an unostentatious conveyance had met that evening to discuss means to be taken to obviate the d ion in the i t branch of out-door industry in which, if he did not mistake, they were all interested. (Hear, hear /) That such depression existed, inerease, there was, unhappily, becoming more and more di t, as they knew without we. wlins them, for the steadiest Gu . maintain himself in a proper position, wi extraneous su . He knew, for a fact, that there were hund of Guys at that very moment who, when their present job was over, would find them- selves—through no fault of their own—thrown out of employment for another twelvemonth, at least. Did they call that justice? (No! and groans.) The whole system was iniquitous—the question was, | they were to put a stop to it., He invited suggestions from the Audience. ; A Guy said that, in his opinion, their"decline was entirely due to their inability to supply themselves with the apparel n and suitable to their call- ing. What were their duties? Why, to keep alive the memory of their famous Founder, the author of the great, and never-to-be-f Gunpowder Plot—he need hardly say he alluded to Gurpo Fawkes! (Enthusiastic and prolonged cheering.) He was no scholar himself—he fad never enjoyed a University education—and he did not md to be an authority on historical costume. Still, he felt safe in asserting that a Guy who, like himself, was com- pelled to represent their glorious Predecessor in an old tail coat, a = of bagay tweed trousers, and a pot hat with a hole through the did so under a cruel disadvantage. He had heard in former times, every Guy was sent out provided, as a matter of course, with a dark lantern and a box of matches, Who ever saw a Guy so equipped nowadays ? had been robbed of the very implements of their t by the grasping greed of their so-called superiors. (Shame!) In| his opinion every Guy had a right to be furnished with the correct costume of the period— whatever that might be—at the public ( Loud cheers.) A Guy in a Cocked Hat said he did not think the previous speaker had mentioned the real cause of their fallen fortunes—their clothes were right enough ; they had to thank their own shortsighted policy for their present position—yes, he was there to speak plainly, as Guy for a Guy to carry about a placard, su wearing that evening, ee with = name “ a recent murderer or some other popular but ephemeral favourite. (Some murmuring. That was not the way to preserve the name and fame of their rev Chief. No; let every Guy be true to himself and his order, let him indignantly refuse to sully his descent by such vulgar and unworthy devices, and then——( Uproar, amidst which the Speaker was com- Bary = ey ee A Guy in a Blue , who carried a i name the Ex-Premier, described the remarks of both his brother Guys as pestilent drivel. . a Guy in any guise! (Loud cheers. world yet wi t combustibles of some sort many of them ever knew what it was to get their fill They were starving amidst an abundance of squibs! responsible, and must be forced to do its duty. “Te of it, he meant to get a could tell them, and if he must loot a firework eaeere, the way—if they would follow & & g he was used to that, although to the his own “A Guy in Spectacles and a Tall Hat.” ( A Guy in a Yellow Mask said he was in favour of i peneealile geen Bo . Fortunatel had eer ym Fe might reamnably hope to fd tympaihetio-he though they eho 4 in e : : fir fF a if 4 : rack ae > : S e 7 E : f q ms Fee ily peek Sob ebeds, 2 ie ne Ee Lips]: eSBERSE: Guys as were out of work. % it easily enough if they liked, and he te how. All over Lond on, nay, in itself, there were innumera F j BE cE and om the most deserving to fill their places. ( Uproar.) titslle to. protest aguinst the last speaker’ exci to agai r’s pro posal, which be declared were an insult to their common Gayhood. They might have come down in the world, but hitherto, whatever might be said of them, had, at _— never rendered themselves publicly ridiculous. Now asked to degrade themselves by accepting leeds pass os position of London Statues! Was there a Guy who would ever hold uphis head again, after such an infamous surrender of his self-respect and in- dependence? He felt it his duty to denounce the Guy who was guilty of such a suggestion as a wolf, in sheep’s clothing, base traitor to his order, and a paid spy! [Intense excitement ; charges and countercharges, and vain attempts by the Chair-guy to restore order. Several Guys, to = Bad mele control their + sign ton ey eager, eopiated, ae t eeting finally dispersed wit attempting to pass a resolution, oudel 2 scene of indescribable Y A Parrow or THe Garery Tueatre sND MopeRw Vaxiery Exrravacanza Snow ANTICIPATED BY CHARLES Drexens.—‘‘ There 8 a lot of feet in SHaKsPEARE’s verse, but there ain’t any legs worth mentioning in Suaxsrgane’s Plays. * * * What the call ) dramatic poetry is a collection of sermons. Do I go to the theatre be lectured? No, Pre. If I wanted that, tS ge & eburch. What ’s the legitimate object of the Drama, Pre? Human nature. What are legs? H . uman nature. Then let us have eed of leg- pieces, Pre, and I'll stand by you, my buck!” — Martm Chuzzlewit N.B.—This is the Pip of our puzzle to Dickensian Students last week. The reference, chapter and diately 7 Comrws Caxnr, why, =m the — went Ol . e canal aol third oriote, aikareles om. Witter WaEn and Va¥ Tromp would have been “‘ placed.” —Eb. [Novewser 5, 1899.

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== ere SS SY SS a Os Oe Co a Tae I} 12 ST TNA EIT SESSA SS rrr VN oa & @ & i Novemper 5, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 209 REFRESHERS. “The Lonp Cuter Justice said, ‘The extent to which (Rhyme by a Rad.) Refreshers > carried i A - . : on ae bbe} {Lord Sarssuny, in his article in the south water. Im my younger National Review for November, makes fun sat the fer *ae” of Mr. Freperic Hanrison’s assertion that eS: the Government could, at a pinch, secure a majority in the Upper Chamber by elevating five hundred 8 (which Lord B. calls the | “Bleek Peerage") to the House of Lords, with the assent of the Crown.) Five Howprep ? Good gracious! there's need of that. ” indeed! Though as THE NEW BROOM, AND THE BLACK PEERAGE. _ Five hundred? Faep (Cue for Song.) | 1794 eettle the bectnees With one sweop— In my yo days at the | with one , Bas, Tra be ls ln” &e. | a clean one ! THE COURT JESTERS. THaNnxs to Messrs. Srus and Rateren and the Court Company for a good hearty laugh, and many of them at their new farcical comedy, Guardsman. It Raleigh - es or a really in love, with the very same y without knowing y - writer. GonzaLes, used it three times? hath not his fellow-coun q Veca Morveca, used it in his now obsolete play of The Distressed Mother ? hath not VopENpot, the Norwegian dramatist, abso- lutely nauseated us with it, not to mention its constant use by that imitation of Gonponr, Count Erriro D’Atomrio? And to — ontte ae did not | An Inhabi , %. Ark rman — but why pursue the \ Inhabitant ae Ark. ** motive ” until you run it to —_. ant own, Sain it 1 tal ws killed, but will be flourishing thou- sands of years hence, when the New Zealand playwright am the ruins of Coe shall take eu a up his note-book and com- mence a scenario on the | old, but to him, quite | Original idea, hen, in the last Act of The Guardsman, if we | have a French room with ‘ | half-a-dozen doors, lead- | Ing to half-a-dozen differ- jent places, with which arrangement not a few of us are familiar in pieces brought over fresh from the Palais Royal, and oceur- ring in farcesof which Bébé, Anglicé Betsey, at the Arthur Cecil’s Collard Head a la G. 0. M. a, sad Criterion is a | ‘Ye, shall we complain? Shall we not rather laugh heartily over the goed old game of Hide-and-Seek, which on the stage is invariably | ‘he cause of much amusement to one person for whom, at all events, —e I can answer? What does it matter if to some it recalls a few farcical comedies—all excellent material ? Not a bit! I gather from the genuine laughter and applause of the crowded house at the Court, that this amnses—and will continue to amuse some hundreds nightly, as long as it is all done so well, and at such high it i now in The Guardsman. The First By em best ; but the Third is like the last figure in an supper early-in-the-morning | an- in a whirligig galop, when taken prestissimo and ‘ortissimo the ing till “ printed ated REDON Gnrossmira is excellent. In brief, he s the of a thorough donk reise (aggre hoe as the Ex- of the Divorce Court — of a gay old gen the a bit of a a "ldap. If thins met bie ™ character, how is it he is on such Miss Re eke wil hee Speak Train — Jones, and, as the motto of this Company is > fy a> eee ic ; brazen Highwaymen in the good old times—it is likely that they’ll keep the Court-Boat goi going the pace, with the tide of popular favour, for many months to come. As a Postscript, 1 may add a letter on the subject addressed to Mr. Punch. Dear Mr. Puncn, Oct. 26th. In the admirable letter of ** Aw Otp Sotprer” in your paper this week, there are a few unimportant errors—due, no doubt, to your dent’s age, and the shortness of memory consequent upon it—that mar, in a measure, the trenchant force of his criticism. 1 feel sure he will pardon my reminding him that the Coldstream Guards do not wear varnished or patent-leather boots with a tunic in “ Levée dress;” that Mr. CHartes Warner did any possibility be ‘‘on ] officer on duty at the Tower is called the “ Picquet,” and the “ Orderly ” officer, and is never a Captain; that no Guardsman has ever, in the memory of man, worn a “ scarf” in uniform; and that no soldier, worthy of the name, considers the mess of his own Battalion ‘‘ an odd sort of place to dine at,” even ‘‘ in the height of the Season.” I may add that my mother tells me she has often had her Court- dress on the very morning of ** Drawing-Koom.” With these few trifling exceptions, ‘‘ Aw Otp Sotpren’s” letter is most accurate and just. Iam, Dear Mr. Punch, Your enthusiastic Admirer, A Pausert Gvarpsmay. atn!”—Last Friday, a Correspondent of the i i “the Marine-mystery, est Coast of Africa. It \ é there a green in ppen ‘leat of ’em. ; ” — “We ane Noruive rr ‘wor Correcr.”—In last week’s number the title of Picture, p. 198, should have been “‘ Studies in Contra- puntal (not ‘ Continental ’) Perspective ; ” and at p. 201, in Evrir’s reply to the Governess, “sx” was a misprint for “no.” This information will relieve a vast number of perplexed inquirers.

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| into 210 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. [Novemser 5, 1892. WA | Pe ) 1 / y))\ f f Vie, ‘ " - - 7} YP : y ‘ ¢ t iJ ° The Doctor, ‘‘Axp waicn or you Two Lapres 1s THe INVALID?” —— J if //f 4A — ' 44 THE GENTLE EGOTIST. Elder Sister. ‘‘1'm sonny To say tr’s Mz, Doctor!” THE ROAD TO RUIN; Or, The Real Military Long-Distance Ride. “A quarter of a century hence, France will have more than four million trained soldiers, and Russia more than four millions and a half. We may deplore, as we will, this conversion of Europe a vast camp, but the German Government, witnessing the development of such colossal armies on either hand, cannot be said to poegens anything excessive or unnecessary when it asks, as it now does, for the means of raising the trained soldiers of the Empire to 4,400,000."—The “ Times” on the German Army Bilis ) Ripz on! Rideon! "Tis a pace will kill! Like Smuggler Brit and Exciseman GIL, In the Ingoldeby Legends, you ride a race On a perilous path, at a breakneck pace, In a mingled spirit of hate and fear, Too hot to , and too deaf to hear ; With a fierce red eye on each other cast, And a rate of going that cannot last, On a road that leads, as such roads lead all, To a crumbling cliff, and a crashing fall. “ The Road to Ruin? Pooh! her trite! Tis a gallant race, and in glorious flight, With the clinkety-clank of scabbard and spur, O’er moor and meadow, by linden and fir, wee the wind of speed blowing brisk in one’s ace, A Long-Distance Ride is a soul-stirring race!” Verily yes,—for the riders gay, Saddled softly, in armed array, Hand on the bridle, heel at the flank, And that martial music, clinkety-clank ! Charming the ear in gallopi With the hoofs’ hard rat chime. Clampety-clump! Clankety-clink ! Out on the eaitiff who’d pause or shrink ! Clinkety-clank! Clumpety-clump! The stout steed’s heart at his ribs may time , in clattering thump, In spasms the breath through his nostrils) pump, . The strained neck droop, though ’tis held at stretch, The labouring lungs in sheer agony fetch Blood - mixed breathings, - dapp! foam,— Let the lash descend, let the spur strike ome ! Are they not racing? Is not their pride Engaged in winning thw Long-Distance Ride ? Excessive? No! Who dares hint so? The going ’s and the steeds must go / Chargers en for such a race Must not complain of the ing pace ; Must not grumble at ing weight. Yes; they in a piteous state Almost f and well nigh b With the burden big o’er thei thrown. Ever swelling, like miser’s sacks ; But why have horses such broad strong backs, If not to bear—to the death at need, Though lungs may choke, and though flanks own, shoulders may : Ride, ye mlitatres, ruthlessly ride | Shouting Em hail with pride, “Gallant” , who lash and goad The, cegpaing steeds on this desperate Their whips are wet, and their spur-points | gory, But—beasts must bleed, in the name ‘of | Glory! Beasts of burden, ye peoples, still Ridden hard by a ruthless will! Militarism is mounted firm. : The saddled slaves may shudder and squirm, The bridled brutes may shy and shrink, | The road is long, and the gulf’s black brink led | Seems distant yet, and is scarcely seen By the rival riders, whose pride and spleen Blind them—save to each other's glare, To so pace they make, and the weight they ar, Those hot-urged horses! Lash and goad, Rash riders !—but, at the end of the road, When the growing burden’s last possible ering pound Is piled; when the steed’s last reath Is made, when the last short, labouring Is breathed, when over, in shuddering death, e charger rolls, with a sickening crash, And responds no more to the spur or lash ; And the gulf yawns close, sheer slope to air, Black, unavoidable, ruinous there— Then, t rider, how will you fare? In the County Council. Cuarniyeton forgot his manners, Pleading for the Jolly Tanners ; He gave his tongue, at serious cost, The Licence which the Tanners lost.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Novemser 5, 1892. THE ROAD TO RUIN.

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Page 11

Novemprr 5, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 213 THE TROUBLES Trate Gillie (on discovering in the distance, for the third time that morning, a oe OF STALKING!! a “ Brute of a Man" moving about in his Savourite bit of “* Forest”), ‘Oa! DEIL TAKE THE Prortz! Come awa,’ Muster Brown, Sir ; ir’s Jus? Perexapitty!//!" AN AUTUMN AFTERNOON AT NAZARETH HOUSE. 0 weattuy and world-weary triflers, O idle and opulent folk, For whom time is a foe to be slain, and life’s self but a bore or a joke, Take yourselves, and your hearts, and peer urses to Nazareth House and behol The brave service of well-bestowed time, the brave uses of well-applied gold! Where is Nazareth House, then, and what? ‘Tis in Hammersmith, Madam, a place That you ) pacaner J seldom illume with the light 0 beautiful face. But what? That’ Me a far larger question, full answer to h would take time. Bee “i yourself, If there’s the moral sublime Far better aught of t In these gold-grubbing days, ’tis in scenes —— love-service unbought and paid— /A vastly unbusiness-like thing in the eyes of the vassals of Trade !— Is devoted in silence unseen to the outcast, the old, and the poor. Five hundred such waifs are here ys waked with ~ ha as wu ity’s servant should be. There strained As sweet was nothing o’er piously In this unrigid Refuge for helplessness. Cheeriness, confidence, mirth Seemed to reign “ae ‘aa child-crowded rooms—in these wards where the aged, whose birth Dated well-nigh a century back, whether sewing, or smoking, or On th pale of sickness, smiled, and no seemed f alone. dlers, their curly heads tier above tier, With never a trace of restraint, and unknow- ing the shadow of fear ! Here timidity checks not the young, and here weariness haunts not the old. There is laughter on age-shrivelled lips, and the eyes of mere babies are bold was the meg bore Oot of love. Shut o out at each sense from feel unseen tendance is And sit silently placid, or ty “into song of a heart-searching sort— Muffled from unplumbed spirit-depths, yet inspired by the impulse of Have a chat, my dear Madam—shrink not, they are women!— with age-wrinkled dames "| Who are busily bed Siting inns, wile Ge Autamn sun flames ' om the walle from the I Even e, yet can Bowed, time-beaten, grey, yet alert and responsive to kindness ot speech ; And see how old —_— can light. up if you promise a pipe-charge a- piece. For the omerune S weed Krvasiey eulogised is not taboo in this place Where the whiff aromatic brings not cold a to Charity’s face Ah! © tale iso ering for fall telling ; but never a Me t afternoon In London's leaf-strewn October was better bestowed. ’Tis a boon To be able to speak on behalf of Samaritan kindness so schemed, . In a way in which lovers of man, not of mummeries, ever have dreamed. veh wise, wide, benevolent lines, with of class or of creed. But ‘the helpless Five Hundred still swell, and the ood feel sorest need of - their pl and branches. And for every,» poor, pale, mite, who can here is ean Home, food, te, os ment, Jove, th And their piteous appeal the response must unwillingly come, ‘‘ No more room!”’, Room, not in their hearts but their wards is this unselfish Sisterhood’s lack ; There you, my geen Been, hee, | , if your = a —* t ou’ va ie Bick 6 hand mm ny Celithend, neura c Not on fees or on wealthy endowments, but alms and free service of friends. Gifts, not only of money, but garments and furniture, beds, tables, chairs, Nazareth ladies will welcome—Come ! Is there a Christian who cares For God’s poor and the Christ-weloomed , who will not respond in some way To the modest appeal of these ladies, who care for the Wait and the Stray ? TO MANKIND IN GENERAL— THEREFORE TO MR. GLADSTONE IN PARTICULAR. (See a by Miss Cozens at Meeting of Woman's Emanespation ('nion at Birmingham, on, at. ) Tur time is come, beware of “* us,’ There ’s thunder in the air; Your future ’s in the care of ** us Beware of * us’’— beware | We'll cease to coax and “* Cozen” you oireee ting smiles, y now on you By dynemitio wiles,

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| 214 | Ah me! who would not be, |

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [November 5, 1892. |

the celebrated Opera, A JUDGE’S LAMENT. [Q.B.D. =Queen’s oe Division.) Arrer the labours of Vacati Ten long weeks with nothing to do, I feel that I need some recreation, I'll sit in Court for a week or two It’s just as well, now and then, To _ yourself to the public ken. Ah me! who would be Judge of the High Court, Q.B.D.? Bat it’s tiring work to sit on the Bench, Hearing the Counsel, day by day, i ¢ nating one, ranting, while og Their fists, and thump and hammer away: Bs —- Fe Whetene I Tap’ ’min the wrong. Ah me' who would be, A badgered Judge of the Q.B.D. ? Whenever I crack a judi- cial jest, Witnesses, jurors, suitors smile, They « quite understand I) o my best, A wearisome action to | beguile : | | ** Silks and ** Juniors” "| seem to force, A jeering laugh as a matter of course. Ah me! who would be, | A jocular Judge of the Q.B.D. ? public, counsel, frown And grumble and growl | The at the law’s delay; I’m never allowed to stop | in town, | Off on Circuit I’m hur- ried away : Election Petitions I’m made to judge, On Irieh missions I have to drudge. Ah me! who would be, A toiling rw of the Q.B.D. To a cause célebre I don’t | object [me sit, Leade ad fashion around | My robes and ermine com- mand respect, I a fancy I’m mak- a hit: fee there’ sachanceof | getting, who knows’ Into Vanity Fair or Madame

ussaud’s. Ethel (who has Governess). ‘‘ No, L wen Sittings are in full swing, I’m ound From half past ten till the clock strikes our, In will be as as were same author's “* Leaves” and ‘‘ Later Leaves.” False sentiment, Montagu WILLIAMS, as man or magistrate, does not encourage. ‘Strongly Round ‘London, do I recommend his * says Tae Baron ps Boox-Worms.

“Tae Mores Dance.”—New Fiever.— The Premier Danseur, holding are. dances up to WittiaM Morxis a the laurel-crown. Will Morris? Morzis won’t. Premier retires gracefully, and is seen approaching Lewis Morris.

TO SOME AUTHORS. ** How did I like that book?” I gained, From reading it, joy unrestrained ; ’Twas perfect—had it but contained An Index! Brilliant, yet also erudite, Profound in facts, in diction light, Why failed its writer to indite An Index ? was history, on its social side, With stories god to uote, supplied, Yet how quote anything, deni An Index ? A book that “ He who reads | might run” — Macavtray, Boswett, | GReey, in one! |Its Printer, too — what made Aim shun An Index ? oa ivi | missed a date, harked f Bie mo] back. “A fad!” Me Mee a | You'll say? Perhaps. It om ae . made me mad. My hunt was vain, because it had No Index. O Authors of instructive | chat, Supply this want when | next you ’re at A book! ** Bis dat qui citi dat,” An Index.

OUR NEW EXAM. ANSWER any three of the follo uestions :— I. (a). hat a casso- wary ? (6.) Does its internal construction | - Se it capable of anthro- | | po (c). Describe | | its Tebite, nature and | food, and draw an outline | sketch ie its skeleton. | ) Give the latitude | m mh ae 4 of Tim- | buctoo. (b.) State the | | number and religious belief of its inhabitants. (c.) — its natural advan- ; (i.), as @ port, and (its ) asa — for mission- | ary ente | JID, (@.) ~ a = wy best when served (i.) aw naturel ; (ii. ) d la maitre | @ hétel, or, (iii.) aux petites livrettes de psaumes? Jis- cuss the advantages of each method of preparation ; (b. ) Quote any advice wth ed (i.) Luevsius, or (ii.) PICURUS on this subject. IV. What version of .the Prayer-book is in use amongst the natives of Central Africa? V. Diseuss the authorship of the poem entitled Timbuctoo, and adduce any reasons for believing Jui:vs Czsar to have written it.

Tae Ormer Paper. — Mr. Newwes is} bringing out a rival tothe Pall Mall Gest. Is it to be oy before the P. M. G., ot later in the day? If the first. its title might be Zhe Noon’s Paper: if the latter, 7 im | Afier- Newnes Pa Whichever you ‘aad me dear! Mr N. pays. his money 20 es his choice. Anyhow, ‘* Newnes’ Paper” is a marketable commodity.

—

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| Novmwnen 5, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL EET. THE HUNTING SEASON. THE M

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216 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI (Novmxsen 5, 1893, |

THE STEPNEY THAT COSTS. [“ The cireumstances will indeed have to be very remarkable to take two Judges into Stepney.”"— Baron Pollock, re Stepney Election Petition, Uct. 26.) I cHaNcep to meet a man the other day, Whose store of legal knowledge was amazing, He stormed at me in quite the stormiest way, With fiery indi on simply blazing. 1 wondered +f he ‘d lost his (legal) hair Forgive the phrase) against a demi-rep ? They 'd really ventured to presume to dare To ask a Judge or two to go to Stepney ! Now if it had been merely Peckham Rye, They would have gone at once, and gone right gladly. Then Brondesbury, Barnet—New or High, Or Shepherd's Bush would not have done © so badly. Penge would have brought the Crystal Palace near, | And Kensington’s Olympia made their soul burn, They ‘d have enjoyed the jaunt to Greenwich Pier, And Heaven had been synonymous with Holborn. Oh! had it been Soho or Maida Vale It would have been of course another story. A Delightful trip to Euston could not fail To please as much as Broad Street or Victoria. Belgravia would have suited very well, They could have done with Balham, Bow, or Brixton, With Flower-laden Battersea. But tell Me if you can—oh! why was Stepney fixt on ? Nay!

ROBERT'S VISIT TO IRELAND. Wet, it isn’t for one like me to say as how as good luck means wirtue rewarded, cos I have, in my long xperiense, seen not a werry few cases where it wasn’t so— - not by no manner of means. But this I can most trewl say, that my slice of luc! during this munth is worthy of being called a reel staggerer! And this is how it cum about :— The A cain Gent, at the Grand Hotel, wanted a change for about a weak or two, and he naterally arsked me what he shood do. I made lots of wise \ in course, such os ate, and Grinnidge Bay, and other hips arrister- cratick places, wl they none on ’em woodn’ pre- sently he calls out, “<r Did you ones go to Ireland ?” . was t staggered, coud ardly arnser him; but then I says, ye Yes, Sir—but it were sum time ago.” Then he stag- gere me much more , wieieeey he says, says he Pg, shoudn’t you go with me then, and ae Wally!” When I recov my breth. I says, ‘I don’t know as our gentelmanly Manager here oud spare me.” So he says, ‘I’ soon see about that.” So he rings the bell wiolentl and = for him—and he cums to my serprize, he doesn’t make not no objec- shun at all, which was, in course, werry complementary to me, and, strange to say, no more did Mrs. Rosert, when I — - a of it. ll, I passes over all pre- himmener¥ derangements, till we finds ourselves on board a lovly steemer, bound for Old Ireland, as we allus calls her, tho’ I don’t spose as she’ than the rest oo us. It was that ruff that I perposed waitin till the me ge smooth; but my Master ony larft, and sed I shood be if I follered his adwice, as he was used to the sea, and rayther liked it a little ruffish. So he got me a sheet of brown paper to put on my

“] was that staggered, that I could ‘ardly answer him.”

manly chest, ve me some champane, and one glass of Perettis Sine! think he called it and with their ade, I got over much better We went as strate as we coud go to the Lakes of Killarn ze ant | that isn’t jest about as lovly a plaice as the hole world can then let sumbod w me asis. If anyboddy arsked — it never rained . truth wood make me say yes, it most suttenly does sumtimes, bas then co it dow ewerywheres in ollidy time excep where it’s most wanted. iy Gevuee’p fast herly lest wes at Slaner on the Sust dey, view pa fees ane fe sing Se com pepper. Tim the Waiter arnsered the bell, and I told him what was wanted, and I scarce xpecs to be cong when I says, as he cums back and \¢ says, says he, ‘‘ If you ay ej , sure the P. "s engaged!” I thort the Guvner wood a larfed hisself hill, t he soon recovered, and said, ‘* Thin niver mind Tr, we ‘ll do without it to-day, but let us have fust turn at it to-morrow.” ** Suttenly, your honour,” —t: and wanishes. The next day, after driving us round the na he came in without being arsed, and goes tothe fre and warm his bands, an a broad , ** Sure it’s a jolly luck When tondine tn are, for the rains a bustin down like thun — pooled Potatows to the Gavner he wood pint his finger af onc aad * That ’s a rale buty, Sir!” ~ L'spoae as the Guvner was rayt er libberal to Tim, when we left, reel gennelmen allus is, the tears acshally came into the peso fellas’ epen, Gaul Ie us both, and as a few more like us woud sumtimes wisit poor old Ireland! We stayed about a fortnight, but we eedidn't see another Waiter me ow T™, who was humane being as hever called gennelman, pore feller! but we had a werry nice time of it on the bm which I ad p’raps elude to sum day, when ain’t quite so brisk as they is just now, and I must say as my vner Eheved like the ree as he is, when we cum for to settel up. Rospert.

SECUNDUM HARTY. [* I have even gone so low as 1d. a course . . . with enough success as to elicit effusive ies from some distinguished li —Mr. Ernest Hart in “ Where are the Cooks ?*'—Daily On! where are the Cooks; where on earth can they be * Pray, hark to the House- persons...” raphic, Oct. 18.)

It’sa Lon that’s easily shown To be cheap, and of pleasure the joy- “vias compen Tis a wonderful plan—hear the epicure groan — It costs just exactly one penny a course. The dinner’s Hartistic. Sweet Harr says that he Had a meal fit to soften the heart of a stone, There were guests—men of letters. and lofty degree— Who were pleased, and not only saw fit to condone, But who ransacked each country, , continent, zone, For encomiums of . till they reall ‘grew hoarse. But would they ve done so, had o y they known It cost just cnneliy one penny a course ? Yes, a pe ahead. It’s not easy to see How it’s one for the price of a bun or a scone. When the Mistress and k find it hard to agree, And the former of these is provokingly e With the latter to pick a most torritie Sean. When it seems isaster must follow perforor, Oh! whisper them this in a Hart -rending ton.— It costs just exactly one penny a course! L’Exvotr. O Host, if all other ideas have a Make Aco ples our own! It costs just exactly one penny py 4

Tue Reat Art or Boox-Kezerinc.—Never to lend! ——

ag BOTICE.—Reyected Commumcations or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Dra im no case be returned, not even when socompanieg by 6 Stgmped and Addressed Env there wi]! be go exception. s, or Pictures of any description, wii pa, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule

uae ay BEST Ln RTE

@.= |

Page 15

SAR SEF BEZSEFS oo os > 28

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Novemnze 5, 1892.

CURIOUS OLD . ICHLAND WHISKIES . 7 WW 36 296 years in wool. Dice per ton. 4B 60/- TB/- 120/-

An eminent Medical Auth , = Trecoml- eding the moderate use of sis , States ston no account should Whisky used

it is well matared. Detailed List en application te OREL BROS., COBBETT & SON LIMITED), 210, PICCADILLY;

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Absolutely free from adulteration, and possesses ery respect. Moreover it , gorating 5 prepares not found in “nd es that are spirits ineh g the finest invaluable as a remedy for gout and other kindred ailments, as well as diseases of the liver and kidneys. Pree per ease containing one dos., for Gret and for extra quality, 0s. to ail through booking stations from Terms, nett cash by remittance with order. We CLEN DUCAL WHISKY CO., SNOW HILL, LONDON, EC.

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WATER

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raged over a countr - oe mriuve Tim Tee measures only requi ht and chest & measure, * Hook of the ister, fully liustreted, and boa of samples, post free on application to Helfast THE NEW “ EIDERDON” for RUGS. AND ALSO FOR LADIES’ THREE- ‘QUARTER CAPES. lerp Satreseny “it me fully te justify Messrs. Koyds ‘dein, thet it approaches more bearly than any other fabric to the constitu tion of the natural Geece ; Cape, tt Guiness. Londen Agency, Coreeeareor, %, Cheapside, where stock te held) Patterns post free on application to BOYD & CO, BELFAST. — HKeware of the party offering imitations of MACNIVEN & CAMERON'S PENS They come asa boon and a bicesin The Pica wica, the Ow, and the THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PEN. <2 They create both wonder and delight 64. and is. per Box, at all Stationers Sample Box of all kinds, Is. 14 by Post Waverley Works, EDINBURGH. Penmakers to Her Majesty's Coyne OMers JouN BRINSMEAD &s S0NS’ PATENT SOSTENENTE Irom Comsolidg ted | rages, Patent ek oa Actions fe Are for bale, Hire and ow the Three Lg Bystem 70H HKINSMPAD & 6ON Tomporey SAérems, i, New Boro Eitese, Ww Bleck Basdle, Sa. Gd. Ivory Handle, 7s. Gd. A Pr., Ivory Handles, is Bus. leather case, 21a. Wholesale: Oesourt, Gceuerr, & Co, London, W

to men, avencer Pew

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Novemsar 5, 1892, - @OLD MEDAL, Health Exhib The Lanes mys 64., Se., aud 16s., of Chemists, ac., “Ashamed of His Dirty Cuffs.” Prayed Linen soils in half-an- hour. Hudson's Extract of Soap will aot fray your cuffs or jag the edges of your collars. Anything washed with Hudson's Extract of Soap is thoroughly washed, therefore Remains Much Lenger Clean. Fu Wen &§ Hanbury’ Castor Oil Tasteless. Pure. Active; Solid everywhere at 6d., 1/, V9 & 3i. It is taken both by children and adults without the alightest difficulty . Possesses ali the advantages laimed for it.” —/aneat. | | C. Brandauer & Co's Circular-Pointed Pens. GEVEN PRIZE MEDALS. 4 Smoothly as «a Lead Pencil. Neither Seratch nor Spurt, the points being rounded by a special process. Assorted Sample Box for 7 stamps from the Works, BIRMINGHAM. By Special Royal Warrants of Appointment to H.M. The Queen, H.R... The Princess of W alea, a. 1.mM. The -. Frederick, &c. EGERTON BURNETT'S ROYAL SERGES And other Foufensie Pure Wool Fabrics | in the latest styles. LADIES’, CHILDREN'S, and © EW TLEMEN 8 DRESS | tm all Citmates and Heasons ally Woven from PURE WOOL for Strength and Useful- | Uasurpassed for Beauty and Nevelty of Design — Perfect Fintsh and Admirabile W caring Qualities NEW PATTERNS POST FREE.—Anvt Levers So. Carriage Paid om orders of Ms. and above te any part of the United Mention this Paper ECERTON BURNETT, wenazel Berne Warche — ‘Cadbury cocoa Printed by William Stuart fmith. of No B®, Jgsatne Reet, Mefowes, im the Parish of St. os Mey, Islington, in the County of Lombard Street, ip the Precinct ef Whitefriars, in the City of London, and published by him at No. 6, Fleet Street, “The name Cadbury on any packet of Cocoa is a guarantee purity.” Medical Annual. “ ibd be aant- milated with great The London Medi- Record mye It i retained ‘ al othe foods are re everywhere. WHOLESALE OF ALL WHOLESALE HOUSES. “100 YEARS AGO.” PEARS’ SOAP in use 100 years ago, and still the best to-day. —_~ “The typical Cocoa of English Manufac- ture, Soseistey | Pure.”’ ee gnew & Co., Limited, ” £Evember 5, ist SATURDAY. Every PUBLISH EOD