Punch 1892-09-17: Vol 103 Iss 2671

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The Next Volume (completing the issue) in the “ JORROCKS” “Plain oF Edition of the HANDLEY Cross Shorting Novels will be ‘Ringlets: |” published early in October, with numerous Ii/lustrations and @ Hand-Coloured tae tie Price 6s. [PRAnauEY, Aare 4 CL

Vea .~ ?, So ep Aa ms — “SONSd SSYHL 39018d

>| « i¢ w > w (2) wl r\\ ®| J o >| a) ed See aT Hr vs eg DUNE A VOL. Ri te ] os » us . Apres, is P PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLERT STREET, ’ T of / LONDON. ‘CADB SURY 3 COCOA. ABSOLUTELY PURE THEREFORE BEST. NO CHEMICALS USED. Meguveved at the General Post Office as a Newspaper.)

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vere... —, os PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI —Serramssn 17, 1892. = Second Series of ¥. Anstey's Voces Popul.” Voces POPULL. Second Series. aster a” Wie Von, re cle bh ieee by 4 Reeecee Piernsoos — VOCES POPULL, Firm Series. (Re- winted from“ Pewes.”) With 3 [llustrations i 4 Beewscee Peerarses. Post tte, &. THE TRAVELLING COMPAN- Ons: Stary in beonee mted fro * Pooch With ™ lliesteations +4 Seenane Paaremes. Post to, Leadon: LONGOMANS, GREEN, & © NEW NOVEL BY MES WALFORD THE ONE GOOD GUEST. by Mre L. B. Wacronn, Auther of “ Mr. Smith, The Mischief of Monica, 4c | vol , crown bro, whe to have many readers and admirer o ure. Walford has never written « pleasanter noved fooremas A story eo full of the best of human nature, that \t le vastly pleasant te read, and equally grate ful t remem ber Naviemwas Ooee even London LONGMAN, GREEN, & ©O CHATTO & WINDUS’S NEW BOOKS. THE MARQUIS OF CARA. AS: & Hevel. by Acnow Wareow and Lewis Waseremane. Svole At every Library Certainly one of the brightest and best novels of the season Gusseer | Heasio B° MARTIN'S LITTLE GIRL ny Davie Onacerts Moneat, Author ae. 6 (Atall Libraries. LONDON. By Watrer Besar, Author ef “ All Sorte and Conditions of Men, “ Joseph's Coat, vols With 126 [iestrations extra, ite A. SOLDIER'S CHILDREN. Sracvoe Wiwren. With 4 Iijustra tome (Frown ore, cloth, Se bb THE OLD MAID'S SWEET- wzane By Auss Gr. Acers, Author of “ The Junior Dean Peap Ovo, Cloth, ls. 6d Demy vo, cloth ALD MARIAN AND ROBIN HOOD. Ry J. BE. Mespocs. Milustrated by Oras av L. Woon Crows Ove, cloth extra, bs M*. FLIRTATIONS. By Mar- arr ¥ re wan With 9 Shuse ae rH 4 ie "Ame “— a «- } ._— ALONE ON A WIDE WIDE Ry W. OCtane ceertt, Author of “The Wreck of the ‘Grosvenor,’ &c THE DUCHESS OF POWYS. LARD Ry Geant Accan, Author of “ The Tents af Ahem, CORINTHIA MARAZION. Hy Cae Garrrven, Author of “ Victory « CHATTO & WINDUS, 214, Piccadilly, W. 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Mi

Sepreuser 17, 1892.)

listening to Mr. GLapetor:.” po ha! was one there who had not “ enjoyed that most privileges in my time, but never others hear me”—more or less. are but few here present who have never wuieres Have enj earing my f Anazx 0 He little pda there whatever W 5 eed say. er. ed | (ge *h sz!” Ho! ho! Then Taarldabl” ae oct Me Gispstowz!” Ho my was self —- a Liberal Unionist, with wig and eye-glass. Not tidy | Baowrixo PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 121 — ‘Exactly. Must get H " HEARING HIMSELF. ‘Aetamoxon, Wh yet to strong men” who live after Kasten . | NON . Soom extvegeens sources be (Mysterious Mom. from « Hersarden Mote-Bock.) title ef nee onkasall vtian Barpive.” Abe! I may yet Exceeprneiy kind and flattering of Max ——,. aay ners there have to play the Anaz ‘in as . - —I mean andrim on banks of Nile | "Weeden st * Title dies ential e” ”) * from ‘ener accorded in poomso porsma Siagether scentons Evmenos and onder what my Max war “mouthing out’ (aa ‘Mrs a's

anybody. would recog- nise me in that rig. Rather enjoyed my- self—and my paper, “ Phenician ents in the Homeric Poems.” Most se- ductive title! Such . touch about ink I shall have printed as a ‘*leaf- among Clubs and Hadieal As sociations. Migh con- ciliate those well- meaning but illogical Fight - Hour en. Wonder if Kzum- Hazpre would like a copy. What more nicely calculated to cheer the scant leisure of Labour ? Funny to hear my own sinuous sentences coming back to me from mouth of another. Not qe sure Max is so ‘‘ fascinating in his yoice, and so persua- i sive in his delivery” as— but no me Can't say—as did—“I felt m wt carried away, and con- vinced almost against my will.” Notatall! onder what he meant by that? Why “ against his will” ? That’s what Tiberal Unionists, and other preposterous and illo- gical opponents of mine say in House, when they compli- ment me on m Phage bigen and ainst me ! Ateonat ish they'd drop their compli- ments and vote straight. “Small and exotic contribution” to Ori- ental Congress! Neat deceription of pa

NATURE’S SECRETS. ** Here ang some New Lan, Ecos ror you, Gzonor!” of Property

—

“Old Parlismenta Hand” of aa i . er nl ee Kcant ¢ of that! Hellas and Phenicia ie combined! As a 4 Statesman of classical {ii | 1 | eulture, commercial Mt ' iH] I instincts and craft, ! fy what a shining success | 1 { Oprssevs might have | in these days! He went into the Cyclops’ iit Mit I yore Why Wie ar, HHniyii Whe:

a iif i i

) i

cave To see —_ he could He tw i his — stole and then fo poked his eye out, as the ribald doggerel- ist has it. Sounds a little “predatory,” as SALISBURY say. But quite capable of being itualised” into te Bree

running to nearly ad columns of Times. if that re from which they Y sprang. to call themselves “* Auctochthones ”’ Should have to teach some of them to though. dinner, would, I should think, ll Is!’l” hollow. Anar andrin, too Men We G, 0. M.. of which I admit I

Nethi Not oe a anes. ee the Greeks of later days to arent the title of Autochthones.”’ ceed minded another race with ‘ Max, or of intense sentiment of nationality, of s. passionate love of the land onder Saw ae bs Nationalists were should get along better P a, consult Justrw on this Home-Ralers, we point. mee their new name, Weng pee Bt in wrath, with a rich brogne, after Phillippopolis, or ** Ri’ l’il, ti’ too, might be useful. faz as sabotiinte for that Lord of Po ey 2 kink < om “Ou, THANKS! How wick! I waven’r seen A New Laip Koo ror weexs! How es po You MANAGE To GET THEM! Ox, or course—You’ve cor aw Jyounaror!” eer mey I had a “Intense sentiment of "which led the Orientalists. But when discussion ep J. to throw my disguise and rush, Achilles-like, into the t Max _—_ n have thought that jononnet with my ‘colossal humanity ;” very unwillingly, I refrained Up Atorr.—The most elevated title i in the P to the upperest | part of the Upper House, is*

and belonging MocnToaRper. There can be but one higher, and that will have ded created in the person of a future “ Lord Torocntuwrror.” Thong ps, the title of “‘ Lord Cowrer,” if it were altered into ee MNEPOT- Cowt-Y, would be the highest of all. ANGLicr- shine ange EXCLAMATION lon any of the recent many i tcued days w after an interval of ten minutes, the next bucket. descended).—** ry une autre fou'”’

VOL, CIil.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. _[Serrexnen 17, 1802 | | ‘ou are till the train arrives, when, lo! the chucker-out | INNS AND OUTS. smiling perme i as if he had never seen me before —“|],! No. III.—Tux Pores. better retchistar ae loggosh, Sar; pity shentlemans like you, Ser, I map intended to have written this week about ‘‘ Loggosh”—in- retchistar de loggosh.” cluding that mysterious canvess hand-box which a upa ; Rall Me ioged by 2. babel of, these - omnibuses —- ‘* P Bear - “ Pity shentlemans like you, Sar, retchistar de loggosh.” in a uniform between that of a German bandsman | who run may read. He is always offering to ptain—* Certinly, Sar. Dis Grand Hétel; I see doing you instead. He is a utely unnecessary gif me se angschein.” ‘Do you speak seldom anyone in a Grand Hotel to ** chuck out,” inly ; Ing n!” | be his i mite a , . Sar; retort.—** Certinl leese — empfangschei am ey = ins that it signifies | THE “BLOWER” BURST UP! Sa En. guna Gaeta, Ee eo tage be was, winning the fight was iarly ** hee Aad the eolinat bin betas ten load ta Gite ehowy~ ** We shall lick him in two rounds—or certainly three!” Like the “‘ Champion SI .”’ in trunks of bright green, The “ Big Fellow” et Ei ht fifty-two might be seen: i truculent Titan, blind, baffled, blown, At Ten thirty-seven the brute was o’erthrown. For Consett smote fiercely, and Consett fought fast, And the bullying bounder was beaten at last ; And the ¢ of the coarse woman-puncher were chill, He rolled over, and struggled to rise, and lay still. only justification.

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——_ SerremBer 17, 1892} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

40: oa, -— . BO / ‘”* ’ ¢° FA . ’ iN ane Jee wav TWO SIDES TO A QUESTION. Major Podmore, ‘‘CONGRATULATE YOU, DEAR Boy!” Disappointed Cricketer. ‘‘ WHAT DO YOU MEAN? Major Podmore, *‘ QuITE 80, DEAR Boy. TAKE THINGS COOLLY !” Bow.tep First Batit—wever cor A Row!” Bur in THis Hor Weataer—80° in THE SHADE—8O MUCH BETTER, IF YOU CAN, TO

A ROUNDABOUT RAMBLE. (4 Fact Founded on Fiction.) Tae sharp, bri ile Matis little Traveller made his way to the Cabinet of | M. Canwor, and disturbed him at work. “ Do you know, M. Le Président,” said he, ‘that the Russians are in secret treaty with the lish, and the Russo-French Alliance is all nonsense—the most unreliable of broken reeds ?” “ Well, no,” replied Canwor, “‘I have not heard anything of the | thi sort; and, if anyone should be up in it——” But the Trave r did not want to hear the rest, for he was once again on his road, telling everyone he met the disquieting intelli- | ten gence, and, co uently, the French people were tly troubled. fe was soon in He did not ask for an interview with the ur Royall — Imperial “ Your and Im esty,” said he, “‘ are that Italy is a uae accord with France, and that the sane sham, and that the ery 4 Derlc? tang Yo tenewe oment ? ” Well, no,” said the Esaperor, “I have not heard this; and if anyone should know anything about it, I fancy ——” mM. a = ape did — for the ae be faith the sen- ut was off again, everyone met uieting intelligence, And, consequently, the German people were greatly | an Then the Traveller obtained fashion, to the apartment occupied _ the Emperor of AusTrRis. ‘King of Huneary,” said he, “‘are you aware that you cannot possibly rely upon our German neig’ hbour, because the Kaiser has a secret Snderianding’ with the Ct Czar, by which the a will be included in territory, and the Rhine secured from French j invasion ? ” “ No, I have not heard it,” was the answer; “and, if it had the case, I imagine that——” anl'ut again the Traveller left without waiting for the completion of sentence, and went his way telling everyone he met the dis- you aware Alli- at any in the same unceremonious

quieting intelligence. were greatly troubled. And now the Traveller was in the presence of the Emperor of ALL THe Russias. A he had obtained admission without the pre- liminary of an official introduction. ** Little Father,” said the Traveller, “are youthful relative in Berlin is eoguetting with Pre rance and a os marshalled against you ne Wall have not heard it,” returned the Oxaz ; reas really ~ ee Traveller never learned what the Czaz reall he ng away before His Imperial ys ape had as he went — disavicting intelligence, greatly troubled. And now the Traveller was in Cairo. He the Kuxprve without waiting for the Engli do you know that the Brak, Army of occupa- d ?” said he. nae teas x Ot ¢ ap pane, me . wat ello, ion ‘ore Christmas there won’t be a red-coat in Egypt!” “ei adeod,” Fel "returned His Highness, ‘I certainly have not heard it, ‘Te andiie witheet apes the drift of the Kueprve’s fancies, on his own to fo Frpectent, peeing. I been decom ome: “ Ah, my little friend town said Mr. ey *you have while, until we want ou aware that your

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIV (Surrmusen 17, 1892, — “No extract however, convey an adequate idea of this grand LETTERS TO ABSTRACTIONS. poem, on which, ae on the bed rock, Mr. S fone | | established for ever. No. XIV.—TO SWAGGER. bag mag: ay I aPProacn you with fear and trembling. Somewhere in the Cave his “‘ Ode” Cuersro of the Winds you have your home. The ancient Au to their skeleton :— diseredit, make no mention of your existence there, but the fact is “ Sockets where light once shone grinned emptiness ; as I have stated it, The East wind blows into your mow The teeth : ond Dest 7o8 an, SUES pnd coding wan on Sea , to| Were fallen from the gaping, gumless jaws; nathless hateful work. You hover over a second- : who has attracted the use of a Party by an opportune speech, The cold smooth skull, the brain retained her throne.” compiled by the indu of a humble . From that moment his nature . Th covers himself in a triple hide of vanity, osten- tation, and disdain ; hails himself continu- ally as the unaided Saviour of his country, and dies in the odour of io, without a genuine friend to mourn his q , vending his wretched patent medicines of salvation a4 style of offensive denunciation that would have ruined a host of Dulcamaras, trained in the insinuating methods of the ordinary trade, But on ie the = - thrives, and weak women fall prostrate before his roaring insincerity. Nor do you neglect the y . Heavens! I remember I was once favoured with the con- fidences of Witttam Josxins Bacon, an Under- graduate gaeney paw} ” Bide of ” I sho to recollect how Bench of Bishops —into a terrified silence, from which he recovered only to bless the name of Josxrins, and hold him up as a pattern to his schoolfellows. Ata single phrase of scorn from those redoubtable lips, his College Tutor had withered into acquiescence, and had never dared to vy ele an — from Oy oo ee i can’t itying gar,” said Joskins— “but I had to o it. You must make these fellows feel you're their master, or "ll never J j give you a moment's peace, hg I cep = ing 2 — Not well, eh eae mber I ve gabe g ar olen ee gop tempt the , Borex? remem . man con! ready to lend ou a hand, and you eet ohn lens on world, conventionality, he i desperate.” e smile with which this offer was received vg i metres to ey et effect upon my companion. He it rathe i the dust lies thick upon his and subtle humour which, as he belie ing in hi that of an eminent cricket-player ! ** Always make ’em laugh, My excellent Swacorn, it was meanly done. If you meant to ‘* It keeps up the spirits of these poor devils of rowing-men wipe him out so swiftly, why did you ever exalt te Boitew knows I'm all there when I’m wanted.” Bat I arewell for a space. I may have to write to you again. enough, and departed from him, ing as though a Yours, DrogznEs Roprsoy. had passed over my moral nature, and out my self- Then there was Cuepstowr, the poet. I am old member him ; and it pleases me sometimes to call back to my mi this paltry and forgotten little literary Bombastes. As I wri have before me some of the reviews that greeted his boisterous i sion of the regions of song. ‘Mr. Cuzrsrows,” said 4) —s ons: i civilieed Meade. "He ay Fa 2 en in ci e is no struggling fesbly ip the bonds of ciuvention, With > bold and mesterfal en he cleaves his way unhesitatingly to the very heart of things, tears it out, and ny ny palpitating and bleeding, before the eyes of humanity. We have only space for a few lines| ; from the magnificent Ode to Actuality :— Ee eee ae Aud slept not, though I seemed to sleep y Pierced not with sullen eyes of pallid scorn Unplumbed The dary with red limbs oplum ¥ i torn phambed chr, whe ot Sported, and eyeless monsters crawled in slime-——’

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Sepremper 17, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 125 __—_—_—_—_

a» teiece shane Ma: tig “og fb: remarry Picturing arwus . 'y Our “' Of-his”-Head Poet.) No. L—THE DAGGER MURDER. “in on vermilion, A, T tand alone on the moonlit spot,— Though one is Stan and one i Splendid inscriptions of hostels Sing Ho—ho! and Ha—ha! there! For one’s cold ant, there ! _ <meta why» breathing of a is the villain, and one is not, 4 But the heroine’s father. They stand alone on tho pateh of Haat ‘ bi Ty ey . laiteak = Posada, we a well as . . seach mh Sey gly a Oh, ’t glorious plese and night . ‘\ : : Visions of Venice—her stones and her smells ! Meee 0 Mander Soom! Rather ! ‘ : ‘ ye. ite of Cal a mementos ; They talk, of Ceti (ot the parchment Sing i and a = gl The heavy er a win te dow hove | | The deeds relate to the old man’s will ; The villain wants them to pay a bill! The night is eold, and the night is still Let the music be slow there ! | They cad alone in the pale-green li Sing fey —hey! and he—he! there! What vy May flashing so keen and Ti What is this that I see there ? Oh! deed of darkness in light ¢ descried ! Oh! sy thrice damn’d that blade to 11de. | Right ‘tween the arm on the ~* alma Certain death when it be | They ’re still alone on the moonlit spot-—— | The i =~ a + | Sing He—he! and Hey—hey! there! Epitaphs gorgeous of far ‘ Doles far" © Hexperr. Curse you with wa UAek potesteillar caress

THE UGLY FACE: A MORAL DITTY. | Some years ago a babe was born—I need not name the place— In a fountain which ed handy—it was near Trafalgar o | With a puffy, pasty, gutta-percha sort of face, He was off fag hts Pah we 7m — | Which wrinkles su into funny little bits, When he against a person he 'd not seen for quite an age, While beady ou aaa two tiny slits. Who had left his home some years before, and gone upon the Stage. His nose was like a mushroom of the foreign button To this friend he soon narrated his distressing tale of | Wis fore t and chubby, and be lees “deo hopeless. is lorm was quain and chou ; 8 were “ es bY nurse spoke like farvams I have always , And delered bie es sere iad a fear Th thing, fine fel that t yo When she s said he was a “ beauty,” and a pretty little XY Naven't tried.” ay ern he 70 dear.” Where your face will be your fortune, and a pound or such pene were really of the truth, a Fr two beside. pres * With th lik t ith, and t For, in point of fact, that baby was a hideous little | meets Hee soem Sore 8 a .. And in course of time he grew up—though a loving ; And the ears that Nature’s given you with such a lack mother’s joy— of stint,— Into « quite a champion specimen of the genius “ugly No matter what an author may provide you with to boy.” speak, At school his teasing comrades gave him many comic You're « ready-made Comedian—with your fifty quid | names, “ws 4 . And he became the vietim of all sorts of naughty games ; Z And it Though he started at th | Nor did the master like him, for he felt that such a face ; 7 ‘Ay Suslliibe 9, Form eines Mid a row of rud dy youngsters, was extremely out of Vy Than the one that I have mentioned, still the truth | place. 7 but express In time, plowed getty ate Lew as ‘ j When I my he now is earning such & wage as Where uch remark; £77 But he ‘ out with principal, whose a whose customers fy 7 A sespostable Archbishop or a fashionable complained, jock. That bis clerk was making faees, and said “ Bosh !” ae =< And the face that all men sneered at, now is very en he explained ; On perceiving from the offiee that he never would be And the public ne’er, apparently, of watehing it grows And the Merchant who dismissed him, in the Stalls is missed, As Mr. Grtmenr pute it, he determined to enlist ; And so one summer afternoon he started forth in search en yont ty Of « Sergeant who Perambulates close by St. Martin's “avn made Comedian with White a quid a week. Os at a when he ’d uttered his request, The moral of herr 2, BANE And that, of a batch of jokes he he knew, this was the best; | But still I’d mention it, lest some nat aia Tis a pity you ’re too short, m lad,” he then went on to say, ‘Though it ’s often very troublesome “Fer wl Dat tan pennies eee ee . ‘There's a proper sphere for everyone, beyond a od Ie oa at

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Sapremser 17, 1899, |, Me, W, lig! First Amateur Water-Colourit. “‘Do you Wasn uucu?” TECHNICALITIES. Second Ditto Ditto. “No; | Scrarcw A coop DEAL!” “PUTTING ON THE HUG.” | [ During President Carnort’s tour he received at Aix-les-Bains “a delegation of children.” One of these, clad in a Russian dress, offered him a | bunch of flowers, repeating a stanza written for the occasion. M. Cannot, amid cries of ** Vive la | France!” “ Viwe la Russie!” “ Vie Carnot !” “ Vive la Republique!” kissed the little girl, saying, “ J’ embrasse la Russie !”") Yes—"* Vive la France!”—and “ Vive la | Russie!” too. LU ‘iwe—why not ?—everybody ! Called ay ie * Monsieur le Président Faute- j de- (By Punch, that foe of shoddy). | I faney I have justified the name, Ay, to the very letter. I may not be a Turenrs, but all the same, France has not found a better. Tall-talk is tedious, but one must not flinch When asked the task to tackle ; And he’s no Frenchman true "who, at a pinch, Cannot both crow and cackle. {hen ! Ah, Vive, once more, the Gallic Cock—and These Talking-Tours are trying, But tis with windy flouts of f tongue or pen, We keep the French flag flying. elicits —-¢ % annual | ‘the Fatherland, |p !” The effect | he embrasse la Russie!” neat For Faute-de-Mieuz,” at any rate. A sop for Savor neat] t, Such ** double wae be *“ Vive Canwor!” To be sure! France to the Flag endeari By sweet-phrased cyt of Are sure to swell our “5 =, a to be t In “* “Allobrogian ” regions. * See Cut so pamed, p. 279, Vol. 93, Dee. 17, 1887. Vive Ev i y la Blague! (What « we do widheet it! / ae ag. -_ Fraternity ! the Fatherland ! the I work — never bt it! Then Wied République” and “‘ La Russie,” Pair off, ’midst acclamations : Yes, I Psa laimed—and never winced or That ** brotherhood of nations!’ “Ad tion of children,” Ah! re were ome the only ones. * Men ? bat children a larger——” Wise and gous men are—lonely cnes. Most — -men—have touches of the Bendens for show, fine phrases— ww ! Here my réle’s not Saleel, but mild, And open as dawn-daisies. That was rather Weal Lo power of blague, and On Man—mouton | That “ Béte Humaine s) —~ * dubs him. Gr—r—r! ve ten af 5 The tiger, when in chase of Nor will the Bear, then, The Bear! a Shed Gat wae. A funny one, ut startling! I awoke with such a scream! a .- ey ge, tall, me toa rampan A Roster In whose close hug I felt éxtremely small, And squeezable as a rag-bag. won’t purr, I, Cannot, squeezable! ’Tis too absurd! A President, and pliant! ao my dream—the raucous voice | t grim ursi 1 "You lt find them strong ** Come to my arms! and snug The North’ pee twes~end tender! — And then that monster huge ee hug! I thought my soul I’d render A bear's enieeee, 5 ~~ a prise-fighter’s grip, Is close as ™ ep” he spaniel *7 ll not let you oe By In that quoligions cuddle. [vailed ’Twas but a dream—How was ‘it sleep pre- My meaning so to muddle ? ** Jembrasse la Russie'”’ As MoukennE™ admitted, t, in doggerel stanzas praised, Must be so ready-wi Ts mild paper | and Autocrat, ugging in friendly seeming, Suggest that Someone may be cuddled flat— t least in restless dreaming. It was neatly From the Vale of Llangolfiyn. Dear Ma. Puxca,—lI have ust seen your Number with the Song of * Golf En- thusiast.” It occurs to me no one has | (heard |

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Serremsen 17, 1892. Aft) WAAL 4 YI; tf \} itid 4 LO COs yf ty ith}; Whit : tf, “PUTTING ON THE HUG!” M,. te Pafsrpent (breathlessly), ‘‘ J’) EM—BRASSE——LA RUSSIE!!” ‘ Y Pa ‘Rtsuting incident covurred during the official reception held by M. Canxor at the Mairie. A child dressed in the Rosina national costume aoe President with a uet, at the same time reciting a brief complimen speech. M. Cannot smilingly embraced the ¢ saying, ‘ embrace Russia.’ — Quoted from Daily Papers.) ee ’ — —_——_

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ee eS he OU

Page 11

Sepremper 17, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

“way YOUNG MEN DONT MARRY. Deak Ma. Powcu,—The arn is — ye tirely your ad- oe to Lasso dheut ta. suaery —Don’t! I myself have becn on the brink of pro- wosing to elightful 8 large er cen of w ch, eee would | restrained by the | tion of your advice,—Your obedient and obliged Ser- vant, Hvuen ADOLPHUS Latcu-Key. Sept. 5, 1892. | Dears Mr. Puwcn,—The reason (which I confide to | your ear, and yours alone, is obvious—the girls don’t, tly won't pro- a PAYS ey’ \N - —_ Leap Year for? Take my own case. I am genuinely in love with Ermer Tro- KERTON, who has just been staying with us in the country for three weeks. She has paid me every kind of attention. In our neigh- bourhood, if A. carries B.’s umbrella, where A. and B. are of oF i it i regarded as an inf though perfectly definite way < a an + a roaching engagement. ion the custom, and car- ried mine on no less than three occasions. (It is entirely beside the point that it rained heavily each time.) Yet she left us yes- ~~ tA Zh »~ LGA AND I coxs To Onvnog !’”

A REAL CONVERT. Local Preacher (giving an accownt to the Vicar of the Parish oy a dispute he has had with the Leading Lights of his Sest). ‘‘ Yus, Sin, AFTER TREATMENT THE LIKES o’ THAT, I says To ’zm, ‘For Tux ruTvre,’ says I, ‘I cmvoxs uP ALL Retioron, ———— Dad be F — — ’ aa ge” CU ZZ if pype, e GLhANFE fs a. - - a4 }/ J] wl]. Hongson .

terday without an approach proposal, She ’s fair enough herself, but is her conduct ? It isn’t as if I hadn’t given her enough chances. It cost me a small fortune to bribe my small brother to keep away ; and, time after time, I ’ve consented to sit alone with her in the summer-house. It isn’t as if she couldn’t afford it. They tell me she has at least a thousan a-year in her own right (whatever i capitally. I ha to be i ; say, her idea of marriage was the union of vant ot ay paltry pence conid Dereiy matter. ‘ umilia or me, as, after repeated um ~carryi everybody here thinks it’s all settled. That, Mr. Punch, is reason why, at any rate, one young man doesn’t marry. Yours, hly aggrieved, Pickleton-in-the-Marsh, Kent. Bertie Coor-CHeex. P.S.—If Erne really didn’t understand her position, and would = . zope the matter, I would not be Paughty about it. atts, Kime Goop ~ cape n a by “+ is obvious—the mm ¢ nd won’t propose i gir my own case. I’ve just stayed three weeks with the Hooe-Cuanne, and felt quite certain Bertie would have He had all the symptoms badly. I saw him give his li half-a-crown to go indoors for ten i and for long else), but I We suited one another admirably. In fact, if he the opportunities he Bad, Be Sok ne ene. Yours, just-a-li The Thorns, Bayswater. Ernst TRrvxertow. P.8.—He carried my umbrella almost hourly—and you know what means. If Beerre was only nervous, and like another . ce—well, we are always at home on Sanday afternoons.—E. T.

d | the rest of it. Bat, my dear friend, you

Ed. Yes; charming But just now | am—— Ob. Vis. Quite so. But I didn’t come to tell yeu about Herne Bay, sitonsh it is really a tful spot. The air—— — . Yes, I know all about it. First-rate, most salubrious, and really must—— Ob. Vis, Quite so! Yes, everyone knows all about Herne Bay ; and I really came to ask you if you had any room for an article. Ed. (roused), My dear fellow, I assure you we are quite full for months. Any number of excellent things over. Ob. Vis. Fh ti poh ways You told me so Very , but it can’t be helped. Have to look the last time I Ed. Quite so! so far ahead nowadays, you . I Ob. Vis. Certainly ; and that is why I thought I would just bring a half-finished arti aoe mow yee what I had done, and oy oy it if you thought it would do. You can put itin whenever you like ; ‘it would not hurt for over. ith inspi . What is it called ? . Vis. and Chinese Tea or Free Trade in Australia.” The subject is quite novel, and ought to attract con- siderable attention. - Ed. Novel! Why, my dear fellow, I do believe I have an article somewhere in that heap upon the subject. ‘ Pretends to search pile of M8. 0b. i ee Oh, never mind. I will read you what I have wri —— Ed. ially). Oh, no, I won't give you the trouble. I will read you what Ae has written, and then you can see.—Ah, here it is! Ob. Vi (hesitating) Well, pub Uemiateet— (i id ore an intment and exit. Editor resumes his work with an air of triumph. Curtain.

Tux Turer’s Morro.—‘ Take things quietly.”

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OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Smeremsse 17, 1892, ‘ ; . : , may Jones. “‘ How ts IT WE SEE YOU 80 SELDOM AT THE CLUB Now!” ’ of Old Member. “An, weiw, you sxx, I'm wor so Youne as I was; axp I "VE HAD A Goop peat| Then why should we wait till or WoRRY LATELY ; AND 80, WHAT WITH ONE THING AND ANOTHER, I'VE GROWN RATHER Fonp or my Own Sociery.” Jones, “‘ Ericuns |” aa ES | TO A PHEASANT. i | A Srorrsmantixe(?} Sono ror SErremMBer. Atrn—“* You are Queen of my Heart To- night.’ I stawp in the copses sighing As the cruel hours creep by, Ant | mo you Come Seas Above trees on high. Your wondrous sober, Let ’s seize on the chance while we may ; ber ¢ Then wh should we wait till Octo. Oh! Why not be shot to-day ? Oh! tell _mo why, why should 1 | Why, why does your beauty «n- As it docs,’ you're bound ts s i ou Oh! say but the word that will save me, And tell me to shoot now. For my heart is b ra, 4 i (As it’s often done before), And the moments madly fleeting Are going to come never more. For repentance may come when we 're Let ’s seize on the chance while we October ? Oh! Why not be shot to-day ? “THE GRATUITOUS OPINION.” | (A Story for the Long Vacation. ) Tue Eminent Lawyer was about to return to his private address, when there wasa knock at the doorof his Chambers. He attended to the summons himself, and found facing him an elderly and carefully dressed individual. | “That some of my suburban neighbours desire the information, must be my excuse for troubling you,” said the visitor. “Nay, do not apologise,” ret not altogether “| have to ask you on behalf of my suburban neighbours,” con- | tinued the visitor, ‘‘ whether there | is any principle which is accepted by Judges to late their decisions in cases where drunkenness seems to be the incentive of crime ?” “I shall only be too glad to find a solution to a problem which a pears one of great difficulty—the more especially as certain inhabi- tants of the suburbs are so deeply interested in the subject. It seems to me that some Ju think one way and some another.” ** That is strange,”” murmured the visitor. ‘* Cannot their Lordships come to a common conclusion ?” “I fear not,” replied the Eminent Counsel, with a mournful smile. “* It is merely a question of opinion. However, 1 take it that pleasantest fate to give legal tips or a ucrative, as I deliver the Eminent Q.C., “‘ it is my ications to anybody. It is em for nothing, but then on the other hand, they are suitable for insertion in the papers, and that is a comforting consideration. What can I do for you?” would be perfectly safe to commit a murder under the influence of delirium tremens.” “TI am infinitely obliged to you for the information,” said the visitor, “‘as now I know what to do.”’ ** You are not homicidal, I trust!” exclaimed the Lawyer, jump- ing up from his chair, and taking protection behind a desk. **T have the greatest — objection to homicidal clients.” “Be under no a ension,” was the reply. ‘‘I have a strong desire to shorten the life of a certain person, but have not the nerve to do it. If I ever succeed, will it be a case deserving capital punishment ? ” The Lawyer pondered a moment, and then replied. ** T have no wish to offer my counsel; but, as you have exhausted my time for consideration, I would propose that you should try the matter for yourself. Become intoxicated, put yourself within the elutehes of the law, and then se whether his Lordship will assume the black cap.” “You are very ,” returned the would-be homicide, ** but I have one difficulty. When I make up my mind to remove a person by | unconventional means (for choice, 4 | ing-knife), and consume unt of alcohol to insure — “Yes,” interjected the Lawyer, | who had now opened the outer door. | **T find, on reaching i iD, | that I have entirely forgotten the | identity of the man I have marked | for my victim. Then I have got | grow sober before I can remember by A he Annoyi pe | «pleasant holiday, the visitor dis peared into the Inner Temple. ——

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SerremBer 17, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. AT THE SOUTH SEA-SIDE.

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132 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Suerzmper 17, 1892,

REFLECTION polished of high- bred And unreflecting graces, I scintillate o'er Senernon's head At gala, rout or races ; Mine is the black but comely blend, [touches And mine the crowni That so demurely recomm The dandy to the duchess. Out on thee, cruel Parasol, Of lace, the 1, and satin ; And glinting ike a fairy doll With many a burnished patin ; dame Cool, charming as the inty Who twirls thy coromandel ; Thou flauntest proudly since thy name, andle ! Like hers, The cynosure of wondering beauz, I boast a soul above thee ; No fate can mar my calm re- pose, (thee ; Or make me cease to love Sugreme above the common Ron Ky Contributions, whether MS., —- Matter, Dra’ even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed ca Whiter te uns rale will

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Surrmcss 17, 1892 CURIOUS OLD IGHLAND WHISKIES 9 — rice per dos. 48/- 60/- Aa ‘quinest Medical , tae og the moderate Use i st on no aceount should . ots well matured. oz akan oREL BROS. | 210, PICCADILLY; 18 & 19, PALL MALL; 143, REGENT 8ST. histy Bonded Stores, laverness, N.B. UAM-VAR WHISKY. HE FAMOUS OLD SCOTCH. TO BE HAD EVERYWHERE. > IN TEE PALACE AND THE GEIZLING. TUE BEST FOR CAMP, MOOR, OR LOCH. Highest Awards. recommended by the Medical Paculty. S 8 GRIEVE, EDINBURGH and LOWDON. Continue to be supplied to Her Majesty the Queen. EVARE OF IMITATIONS OF BOTH RED AND BROWN LABELS. IMBETES WHISKY Sugar Is not stored in Sherry Casks. seras, Uz, & KIDNEY COMPLAINTS. anly seems to deserve its name.” —Lancer. 480. per Doz. CARRIAGE PAID, GEO. BACK & GO., yevonshire Square, London. EERINGS sta. CopENHAGEN HERRY BRANDY. The Best biqueun _ HRIGHT 3 si COAL =“ TAR’: “SOAP nts 6: LUXURIOUS FINE cur BRIGHT TOBACCO. CARLTON HIGHLAND MALT WH HISKEY, YEARS OLD. @OLD MEDAL, DAI, CALOUTA BXHIBITION 1684. RICHD. wares & c0., 24 and 25, Hart St., Bloomsbury, WS. Bold by all Lasvive Mencuante throughout Ix pts and the Gesavtes. BEDFORD BALING PRESSES TENERIFE. ( ( fstaxps ) CIGAgs. NOS FEDER cod of. novel sha ol Sd. ex dis per reat ree REWLAY 8 (0 (had. . 3, Stee ay Strand (Kast India House), and 143, oeeithe, BA hs t. 1780 BRILL’S _ “x SEA ang = SALT. REAL CcRMAN RAZOR Warranted Pe: fect. sit, 576, sic, 7/6, oot ae if & PERRINS'’ AUCE. The Original and Genuine Worcestershire Sauce.” For HOT and COLD a MEATS, GRAVIES, Bottle and Origh mal “FOR THE BLOOD 1s THE LIFE.” =” CLARKE 5 WORLD-FAMED BLOOD MIXTURE ¢ of the Genuine til wesvanted to ¢ tease the dloed all impurities, frow aria ing — ofula, Seu. mary | Erzem od ood mi nd Sores of all hinds, ite yr Jf marvellous. * the yy 4 specific for Gout a ithe r 4. for it re moves t fr t mes. fF ts JEWSBURY & BRGWN'S Oriental = "Tooth ‘iin, Paste. Brown, KODAK Is « band Camera cxpesialiy Gastenet fe for Amateurs. It ogame ment made, and with it the largest et number of exposures can be made with the least number of PICTURES SQUARE OR ROUND. £1 NO PREVIOUS KNOWLEDCE OF PHOTO- CRAPHY IS NECESSARY. “YOU PRESS THE BUTTON, WE DO THE BEST.” i LUSTRATED ‘ ATALOGU BR Freee Ths: BA cTMay rot MATERA oe. ue , L Ln ag —, = Paris é sae ¢: Place Grimaldi Martell’s ee ALL WIWR MERCHANTS AKD GROCERS. 47 EVERY BAR AND RESTAURANT oF lal “measure or patter n, Bo charge TAarrn 8 © 1LDWELL, , Gaarrvon Br., Desim Blue Ink across the Label on each Jar of the Genuine Extract. Beeps for any Length of Tims. FLORILINE. FOR THE TEETH AND BREATHE. Is the BEST LIQUID DENTIFRICE in the vate the decay te ht ‘teeth YP MITRE. tthe sare " ett i TLOBILING T00Te P POWDER 02:7, Put ep in giass jars. Price +. Prepared only by ‘The Angle American te | Company, Limited, 38, Farringdon Road, Lonson, EC. ut the Medical Profestion strongly recommend SALUTARIS WATER, SAL UTARIS

Page 16

Pee, 2 ' oe < - Plaats

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