Punch 1892-06-25: Vol 102 Iss 2659

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Junz 25, 1892.

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Juxe 25, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. $01 “s ” forbids him to indicate any other place. Raoul goes off perplexed, and VERSAILLES IN LEICESTER SQUARE. no wonder. Then, as the Argument explains, ‘‘a trumpet-caill is (Or, the New Ballet at the Empire, as tt appears through heard,” and Lowise ‘* bewildered,” perhaps because it is the si to Mr, Punch's Pince-nez.) , and dress for dinner, to the palace; and Lowis, feeling Tasteav I.—The Park at Versailles. ‘‘ Gardeners,” according to the arbour is only a qualia of time, follows. Then Musketeers the “Argument” supplied with programmes, “are seen busily | come off we Te up an assault-at-arms, until their careful preparing for the arrival of King Louis the Fourteenth and his | captain, afraid they will hurt themselves with those nasty Court.” If tickling the gravel gently with brooms, and ting | swords, orders them to and the First Tableau is over. one petal a-piece in large baskets is ‘‘ busily preparing,” they are.| Tantxav I1.—Rich have fallen close to the footlights, to The Gardeners, feeling that they have done a very fair afternoon's | represent an “ Ante-room Palace,”’ Attendants bring on two work, dance a farandole in sabots, after which Ladies and Cavaliers | dressing-tables. Enter the two principal danseuses, who are about arrive and prepare to dance too ; the Cavaliers select theirpartners by | to dress for the Grand when Zulli, the Composer, and chasing them on tiptoe, the Ladies run s, and coyly slap Prévot, the Maitre de dance Roi, come in and very inconsi- their favourites’ faces with bouquets. Here, according to Argument, | derately propose a which of course must be an undress re- ‘refreshments are served by Pages.” Don’t see any; these | hearsal—then and . puts both the ladies particular Pages seem to have been cut. Dance follows: i i atin pad Pr eens ~ aw bs F in the , an melancholy. Fancy ed learnt danctar in Inie bey , or else wail for that" hia mad te occupied by thoughts of Louie” that ‘* his mind is occupie t 0) ¥ de Lavalliére, who was betrothed to him in her childhood.” Stupid not to see this for oneself. So obvious. Enter Louise. Think Raoul in- forms her in pantomime that one of the bows on her dress has ‘“‘come undone;” she rewards him for this act of politeness by taki off and pinning it on his not satisfied, pleads for another, to put on his hat. Louise can’t ruin her new frock like that for him. Find I’m wrong again. A ment says, “* he implores her to of his own and their parents’ he the nuptial dy. Louise is him wait.” He retires broke: of the refreshments, and the Ca whom a very little dancing on gravel afternoon goes a long way, retire with him. The ladies, left alone, “‘now freely express their opinions on the merits of their late companions,” which seems natural enough. Louise dissents; doesn’t see anything particularly rude in their conduct, ‘‘ Cavaliers are like that—wwuill rush off for refreshments alone after every dance and leave their partners.” At least, that’s how I understood her. Missed the point again. Argu- ment informs me she has been answering “abruptly that the Sun (meaning the King} absorbs her whole soul, and that she has no thoughts to bestow on mere planets.” She said all that in a shake of the head and two so *‘ abruptly” FT ys the right word. ies annoyed with her, it by walk- ing past and waggling their fingers in her face, which appears to depress Lousse considerably. Then they go out, after the Cavaliers, or refreshments. Meanwhile Louis the Fourteenth has entered at the back and overheard all. He knows what the shake and shrugs : and smiles and nods knowingly to hi 4 “ He swells visibly.” ‘Oh, I am an irresistible Monarch, J am! he seems to be saying. ‘‘1’ll follow this up.” So he struts| together, and invites her to come down with a fixed smile on his face, like the impudent young | gusted with him, but pretends not to 7 is, and pats his chest passionately at her. lot startled. minuet with extreme satisfaction 7 ’t go away,” says Lowisin pantomime, ‘I say, there ’s an | i arbour in that shrubbery,—let’s go and sit in it—do!” Lowise undecided ; tries to excuse i it!” ZLowis assures her (he woul =. his Gardeners at work) timid ; i cognises his Soverei Wh pressio Sse ns ater” ftack of twelli ses his Sovereign. ‘* ew!” his ex i i e attac swelling. enough. ‘* Now I have put my foot in it nicely!” back are withdrawn again, and on the top of the steps, where the hat and apologises profusely; but Lowis is indi staffed lambs , he L i | pun’ » use of being a Roi Soleil if you can’t ask a lady of your Court to sit | entering a Convent. owis can't believe it; he thinks it must be in an arbour without being interrupted like this? He swells visibly, | part of the performance, though not on the original programme. and intimates that he will pay Raow! out for this in various highly As he goes nearer to see, the curtains close, open again—and there unpleasant ways. Louise to him for Lows subsides | is nothing. And the baffled monarch realises the truth gradually, but still shows the whites of his eyes; finally he tells|—Zowise has gone into a nunnery, without even the Raoul to be off. Raoul is submissi y wants to know where | “ bracelet of great value” ! re te y he’s to go to. Lowis points to Heaven, evidently regal politeness | falls, and veils his discomfiture. And that’s all! veL., CI. DD

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PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, {Juss 25, 1892 » ©/ few “4 Pees i pen a rh . ie f / h | iN} yee 1 \\ \ s, ba An ‘i i x = MANA heres ~ anil Kit 1 fe oT eT WPT Wik ( SO NICE OF HER! Captain Muffet, ‘‘May I VENTURE TO HOPE THAT YOU WILL GIVE ME A WALTZ OR QUADRILLE!” Lady Sparker. ‘Ou, I'm 80 sonny, I’M ENGAGED FOR EVERY Dance! I'M ENGAGED ALSO FOR SUPPER TWIcE; BUr I PROMISE YOU FAITHFULLY YOU SHALL HAVE MY TuiRp Giass or LEMonapDE!” LADY GAY’S SELECTIONS. Dear Mr. Purcu.—Several who do not know me as the writer of the “* Selections,” have told me that they took the tip about ** Balmoral” for the Manchester Cup, but backed it to win instead of to be last—thereby winning money !—now—of course the last thing a ti r wishes, is that his prophecy should turn out success- ful, therefore I am delighted at the result, as also was Sir Muvtine BLOUNDELL, who won a good stake, and is the only person who knows the secret of my incognito. He congratulated me most heartily on | my success, which he said was the more wonderful as he knew the owner did not much fancy the horse !—but, as I told him—if owners of race-horses knew as much as some of the public—(to say noth of the prophets)—they would never lose the money they do, would probably give up racing! The selection was entirely my own | “fancy.” I scarcely say, I never ask an owner anything, and if | he volunteers the information that he thinks his horse “‘has a g chance,” I find as a rule, it’s just as well to “‘ let the horse run loose,” as they put it; though that is an expression I never quite understood, as l’ve never yet seen a horse “‘ run loose” in a race, except on one | or two occasions when the jockey has been thrown at the start— which | now I come to think of it, may be the origin of the expression ! So Ascot is once more a de glory! Weall shivered on Tues- day, got roasted on Wednesday, were comfortable on Thursday, and resigned on Friday—and on the whole the toilette show was success- ful; though I fancy some of the best gowns were held over for Good wood one of mine was at all events—but my goodness!—if only our great grandmothers could have seen some of our modern petticoats! ! —more elaborate than any dress they ever saw !—but then, as Lord Harrer Kepc.yrrs said, our great never got off and on coaches with an admiring crowd looking on, as we have to do now- a-days; and you have to be pretty smart not to get hung up on the | wheels—though as Lady Harriett Eytovcas said, ‘‘ my dear Lady Gay—what « the use of wearing all this loveliness unless one——” but perhaps it will annoy her if I tell what she did say ! The Royal Hunt Cup was a beautiful race, although the winner was not supposed to be the best of “‘ Jewrrr’s lot;” but I am told he is | but for the French one of those who ‘‘ will not do his best at home,”’ being beaten in the trial—and after all, how very human that is—for how many men one knows who are perfect bears in their home circle ! Of the horses I advised my readers to ** Keep an eye on,” only one, Buccaneer, put in an a ce, and won the Gold Cup; so that my warning as to the culty of doing this, was fully borne out by the result. My Gold Cup selection did not run, and had I known that Ermak would have his sole ment, | should have made him my tip; but I do not pretend to be rmakulate! (That’s awful— please forgive me, dear Mr. Punch!) From the way St. A won the Palace Stakes, I can’t help thinking he would have won the Derby horse Ruesl, who tried to eat him during the race —(how shameful to let the r thing get so hungry)—and this of course interfered with his chance—as you really cannot attend to two things at a time with a satisfactory result, unless they be sleeping and snoring ! I presume that this sort of thing is meant when one reads in the sone Pig that such-and-such a horse was “‘ nibbled at ! ”—but really think that those who saw St. Angelo on Thursday, saw the winner of the Leger! There is no race of ay aoe importance next week, either at Windsor or Sandown, but l give my weekly oe the probable last in the Windsor June Handicap, and mean- while I may as well say that I grace with my presence the Newmarket July Meeting, and, crm the example of other tipsters who send “* Paddock Wires,” I shall be happy to su: y any- one with my two-horse-a-day ‘* Songs from the Birdcage,” at five guineas a~week—(a reduction to owners)—at which price my selec- tions must be cheap. Yours devotedly, y Gay. Winpsor Jone Hanpicar. If “* SaaxsPeare” spells “ ruin,” as Managers say, Tragedians all should be needy! But a fortune was made by the best of his day, And an Actor of ** notes” was ‘ Macready.’ War is the Dissolution of Parliament like the human tongue ?- Because it is in everybody’s mouth. -

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Juxe 25, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. “CUTS!” WE never speak as we pass by! Alas! it was not always so. me — . ape catah his eye, , when I come, he’s prompt to go. ** Ii me reverra.” Sol said ¥ When I resigned, his love to try. But see how W1LHEeL™ tarns his head : We never speak as we pass by! Not indispensable! Absurd! I built the Empire, made the Crown. Of ae Witaetm who had heard But for my prowess and renown ? And Emperor WiLHet™M cocks his nose, Regards me with averted eye ; , SS Otto, the Wedding- Guest, singeth :— And, just as though we now were foes, We never as we pass by! The boy, the ingrate, the young cock, Whe thinks he’s eagle Ls may be crows ; Old Aquila is he to mock ? anil ont ns — ove Soe close. yet he it up, pe et demon. not why ! He bangs away like a big Krupp— We never speak as we pass by. My Hersert, you should hold my place, ut you must your sire’s cela snub. OR, WE NEVER SPEAK AS WE PASS BY. ~ Si S US a A 4 Ne Up fy Y WZ } } Did I promote the lion’s race To be kicked out by its least enb ? This wedding-favour ’s gay and smart I to Vienna’s bridal fly ; But something rankles in my heart ;— We never speak as we pass by ! Will Francis-Josern see his way To—help Cortolanus back ? I can’t believe I’ve had my day ; It makes ambition’s heart-strings crack. But that imperious youngster shuts The door of hope howe’er I try. Are we for ever to be *‘ cuts,” And never speak as we pass by °

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304 | PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL {Juwe 25, 1892, ADVANTAGES OF MARSUPIALISM. ‘‘I’m so Trrep, Momey, I wisn vou werm A Kaneanoo!” ‘“Wuy, Darune?” ‘To carry me Home mv your Pocket!” AN EARL’S COURT IDYL. Scenr—A knick-knack stall outside the Wild West Arena. Behind the counter is a pretty and pert maiden of seventeen or 40, A tall and stately Indian Warrior, og eto a blue blanket, lounges up, and leans against the corner, and inscrutable. * The Maiden (with easy familiarity). ’Ullo, Caoc’Lrt, what do you want? (The Chieftain smiles at with infinite subtlety, and fingers a small fancy article sha like a , in seeming con- fusion.) Like to see what’s inside of it? Look ’ere then. (She removes the cork, touches a spring, and a ‘an out of the neck of the bottle ; CmocoLaT® és gri ased, and possibly impressed, by this phenomenon, ich he several times for his own satisfaction.) Ah, that fe you, don"t it, Cmoo’irr?” (The Warrior nods, and says something ae in his own tongue.) Why don’t yer talk sense, ’stead o’ that rubbish ? [CHocoLaTe watches her slyly out of the corners of his eyes; presently he puts the bottled-fan inside his blanket, and slouches off in a fit of pretended abstraction. The Maiden (imperiously). Bre. come back, will yer? Walkin’ off with my things like that! Fetch it ’ere—d’jear what I tell yer? CHocoLaTE lounges over the counter of an adjowming Bevril stall, and affects a bland unconsciousness of being addressed. After awhile he | peeps round and pats his blanket knowingly, and, finding she takes no further notice of him, lounges back to his corner again.) Oh, ’ere | you are again! Now jest you put that bottle back. (The Warrior | giggles, with much appreciation of his own playfulness.) Look sharp | now. I know you’ve got it! Chocolate (with another giggle). Me no got. - _. (He intimates that the person at the Bovril stall has it. _ The Maiden. You needn't think to get over Me that way! It’s inside o’ that old blanket o’ yours. Out with it now, or 1’ll make yer! (Cmocotate produces it chuckling, after which he loses all further interest in it, his notice having been attracted by a small painted metal monkey holding a miniature cup and saucer.) Want to buy one o’ them monkeys? (She sets its head nodding at the Indian, who is gravely interested in this product of European civilisation.) All right, pay for it then—they ’re ninepence each. * The Warrior plays with it thoughtfully, apparently in the faint t hope that fhe may be induced to make him a present of it, but, finding that her heart shows no sign of softening to such an extent, the desire of acquiring the monkey becomes so irresistible that, a much diving into his robes, he fishes up three coppers, which he tenders as ar ble + . The Maiden (encouragingly). That's all right, so far as it goes; you ’ve on’y he give me another sixpence—twice as much as that, e on! you know. CHOCOLATE meditates whether as an econo- mical Indian Chieftain, he can this outlay, and his head withdraws the #.) Oh, very , then ; wen ,1’m sure! (Cmocorare’s small black eyes regard he tries one last we smile, 'y to , as persuasiv express the to which the possession of a nodding would br ghten his existence.) It ain’t a bit o’ good, Cuoc’xrt, I can’t lower my price for you; and what’s more, I’m not going to! (CHocoLaTE examines the monkey once more unde , then Oe ee eens on SS off. The Maiden (calling after him). You like to do your shoppin’ eaeap, don’t Cuoc’Lrr? Everythink for nothen’ is what you a ae > I know yer! : po arrior sta on im ively, 4, ] ibes ; Te ele co tenets, Somwring thee gin; the Pale-face Mai or resolving to save up for the monkey if it takes him a lifetime, or thinking of something else totally different, or of nothing whatever, is a dark secret ohooh he heaps te Aieneoi THE PLAYFUL SALLY. 0 .! OMr. Asrzy! What uu-Assey Bonen tedeond you to select so dreary a play as Pauline Blanchard ith to weary theBritish Public? And whata finish! Pauline, all for the sake of her ——— lover, kills her"husband — a sickle !—a sickle-ly e sight—an m reaps erreward. M. Perow, the Maire, was effec- . tive. Ancient Ange- lina, Mme. GrisEerte rane Frievry, ‘“ fetched” body, and in her turn was fetched by from a loft : where stage - business i = previous Act, in order — - . 4 Se n . a> =, ry a ~~ +) ; : WP, a § 24 Y RAVLINE, BUPWOMARD f | SKK WOKS | “ How Abbey could I be with either!” ‘to receive her share of the plaudits. We hear that Saran has accepted |a One-Act piece called Salammbé, by Oscan Witpe. Naturally we ‘all see Saran in the first part of Sa/. Perhaps the “‘ambo” means | Saran and Oscar. Being an Eastern subject, Saran sees the chance | in it of a Sara-scenic success. On Saturday last, with her wonderful La Tosca in the afternoon, and her me aux Camélias (the | ** O’Camélias” sounds like an Irish title) at night, Saran regularly ‘knocked them” in the Shaftesbury Avenue. No one interested in dramatic art should miss seeing SaRau, at all events, in La Dame auz Camélias. PagricvLaR aND General Retationwsnrr.—Mr. Groner Curzon, as the Saturday Review remarks in its notice of Curzon’s Persia “is not the first of his family who has written a good book of | Eastern travel.’’ The author, then, is not a Sot, Ses oeaaaee, of third Curzon, and this particular work of authorship creates a new kinship, as his travels are, now, related to the public.

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Jowe 25, 1892.) PUNCH, 01 OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

OPERATIC NOTES. ot nia: —The Irish Question, heard for the _ time operati- put The O’ Waecwer in his “* Tristan Tolle eeredabes: sti err Stns doukt of tt Frau Sucwer first unc | Mercedes as Dancairo (of a mixed race, Irish Dan and Egyptian Cairo—e Bohemian), and RrvaLprnt as Remendado, capital, not over- > > BaUERMEISTER as an } + aa ‘Nouns ANSON as : winning, especi: en ing bel nits R “Most mated ans when every- y is done. — Cavalleria ed of the elections and *‘ going to the country.”’

GIRLS OF THE PERIOD. Lerrer I. (From Miss Mary Logic to Miss Rosa Blackbord.) My pear Rosa, Coached I rancr rT told you that my Uncle Jack was Herr | from sea. I had not Isolde, seated on a sham rock, awaiting the coming of HAN’s her lover. Alas! all’ends unharpil y! pee a dangerous thing to do Tirade —Long live the ry ! Vive Mozart! Don Giovanni's taste as to ladies changed as he grew older. = two musical Duchesses who accompany Don Ottavio when he usually, fine and lege; ut Zerlina, the Don's late faney — Why does Signor CaRaccioLe make Masetto an idiotic mpkin? EpovarpD pe Reszké is admirable as the cae Leporello, and Mavxxt fine as the Im-maurel Don. With air he salutes Zerlina! The air is Mozart's “ La os darem,” therefore perfect. Zitre pe Lussaw delightful as that Zerlina. The Statue was rather in the dark. The Stalls sould’

Oe * How’s yrour Poor Fert?” The Pedicure Motif. Shepherd, with showing Triste 'Un, the Cornish Cenisk, Knight’ chars he may seek relief from his Bunions’ Pilgrim’s Progress. see him “‘ noddin’, nid nid noddin’,” Let Sir Davriotanus look to this, and say to the Limelighter, quoting Goiirus, ‘* More light! More light!’ Friday.—Carmen. Commend me at once to Madame DescuamPs- — as Carmen. Her _—- is too if much of her, figure-rative ing. A le over-size for quite an ideal Carmen, but then M: Meee D.-JEHIN is so good that Uheae- not have too much of her. Actingexcellent. Madame Emma Eames Emma-nently first-rate as Michaela. We all know Jean pe Reszxi's | oe a oy up to now is hard to beat; so for LaSsaLLE as suffering from “Corno Inglese,” | in long, and there’s a little too) Y

Escamillo,—the great song encored, of course. Signor CaRaccroLo before. 7 gave me the lady = leaabened ~ Bluebeard vous ye ym dp Beauty (I oo she preferred to a a "Jack the bint Kier. 7 ten people ? ave yet you Veard of any of these te Cousin, —= IL. Mary. (Reply to Same, from Miss Rosa Blackbord. ) My pear Mzry, Algebra Lodge. As you are many weeks my junior (to be precise, ganetiy two months) T hasten to. answer your letter. I have searched all my Biographical , but cannot find the people of whom re are in eye yo As for myself, I have never heard ot Bluebeard, now nothing of Beauty, and am sceptical of the exist- ence of Sindbad ad Jue Giant- Killer, Like Mrs. Prig, who doubted the “a. of re Harris, *‘ 1 don’t believe there were no such " By the way, you ought to read Dickens. He - distinetly sammy, and I can quite und amusing our mothers. I qunesaily Site Cathie waste ais 6 long Cay with Se oe Your affectionate Cousin, beyond * its far, ‘* words,

or Penersen,

“Ne Pius Uxsrer.”— Decidedly, Uleter can’t f° last,” or rather, its latest, most utter utterances. 7 ag * but from words to Lag there = a long interval, —ee when their supply of breath —~y hy n considerably usted, there is not much to be feared their ‘* blows.” However, so far, the = with Wigtesten views have been patted on the by | mes, and * bation from Sir Hunerr STANLEY is seelee fadeod Yet, the meeting been of Nation- pw 3 fl = a Mr. Krrurxo’s phrase goes, ‘that is another the Times leader-writer’s point of view, ‘‘ that i ’s but a choleric word which in the Nationalist is rank blasphemy.” However, the steam is let off through the spout, and by owl time the Nationalist’s dream < Home Kule is realised, all efforts to the contrary on ‘the part of gallant little Ulster will probably be ** Usster vires.” ADVICE GRATIS. —Dearwess, (To “ Expentmentacist,”)— ours seems a peculiar form of this painful complaint. We cannot understand why you should feel “‘ as it _ puny always coming from your ry ag 1 ae blowing into the with bellows three times a da v2 drive the wind back. Tye She Semone, advise ramming a good-sized darning- sondle as’ tat 2s. Will oo into the orifice. After that—or even before—it might be best to 5 ednealt a competent medical man.

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306 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. —SS EARLY MISGIVINGS. Ne Varried M P. ) FIND SOMEONE TO PAIR wits.” Ilis Wife. “On, ‘By Jove, Tew o'Croce ! I wusT GO pown To Tae Hovsr, Ir Darutne, I THovcuT you anp I HAD PAtRep For Lire!” “WHEN GREEK MEETS GREEK ;” On, Manaevveine ror a Hop. | Ye who have read in Homer's mighty song | How sage ULysses, Ayax towering strong, Met at the funeral games on Trojan sands, | With knotted limbs and grip of sinewy hands, To wrestle for the prize, attend, draw near, | And a new tale of coming tussle hear ! When great AcuTuxs called them to the lists, Those men of massive thews and ponderous fists, (propose, ““Searce did the chief the vigorous strife When tower-like Ayax and Utysses rose. Amid the ring each nervous rival stands E an rigid with pe hands.” (now | ; Now Greek meets Greek again, but wrestling Is not as on old [lion’s shore, I trow ; (sheep, Not now the olive crown, "the long- wool d Is prize ; ’tis Power they strive to win and keep. By diverse dodges and by novel *‘ chips,” Subtler“ a hes,” and more artful “ gri The rival champions strive to lock and a” Gallia’s phe mn yg found to answer well In wary onset and in finish slow, Old Attic swiftness, seen in hold and throw. Supplement or supplant. When Asax stood Before ULrsses, neither seemed in mood For long manewuvring. To the clutch they came [Jows 25, 1892, —_—_——_ With sinews of snap-steel and souls of flame. “Close lock’d above, their heads and arm are mix’d; Below their planted feet at distance fix’d : Like two strong rafters, which the builder forms (stones; Proof to the wintry winds and howling Their tops connected, but at wider s Fix’d on the centre stands their soli ¢ So in old _— Now wrestlers shift fe ike And idee a la Dvnots, for mightier stakes Than olive parsley, or the champion’s belt Can furnish fo: _ time hath it been felt That two superior champions, age-long foes, At last must come to a conclusive close. ‘* Defiled with honourable dust they roll, Still breathing strife, and unsubdued of, soul ; Again they rage, again to combat rise,”— For one must win; these cannot share the prize. Great GLapstonrpEs—place allow to age !— A chief of seasoned strength and generous Fell, at vat their last encounter, to the skill Of him the swart of look, the stern of will, le me Satispurion. Such defeat aliant and vigorous veteran well might fret. ite erst invincible, the Full of Days, [praise The Grand Old One, full-fed with power ACHILLES-NEsToR, to no yo r foe Because of one chance slip an casual throw, The Champion's Belt is ready to resign ; Nor may his foe the final fall decline. So * Prene ohe meets Greek” in wrestling rig Not ye or > Gases sly of yore, Nor modern SreaDMAN, JAMESON, or WRIGHT, Was e’er more eager for the sinewy fight. Much time is spent in ‘‘ getting into grips.” Mark a ow each wrestler crouches, feints, and _ yo they nee round my | roun¢ te Ake wary ‘* pug,” like tiger on the s Cautious as one, though as the other ld, Eye, foot, and hand manceuvring for a hold! And when indeed they close in mutual clutch, re put the champion honours to the touch, Strain every muscle, try each latest *‘ chip, * Which man shall first relax his sine grip, Be hiped, back-heeled, cross-buttocked, or bored down,— town wag 8 > ast the oats & Os 3 now stirs the as ent a every hero ane co he tent: Say, will Uren, for his art renown’d, O’erturn the stre of Ayax on the ground ! ? Or will the stre of Ayax overthrow The watchful caution of his artful foe ? Will Sarissvnion fairly hold his own, Or be by white-lock’d GLapstonipes thrown ? All ask, all wonder much, but who may say ? * Another story ’’ that, and for another day ! Mrs. Ramspornam's attention was directed toa letter in the Standard, of June 14, headed : —‘*Nancy and the Cambridge Delegates.” She supposes that “this is another Spi House case like that of Daisy Hopxrins the Cambridge Undergraduates.” Mrs, “M. s indignant. ‘‘ Delegate, indeed! most in- p meee TZ call it.” InnaRmontous Cotours.—‘‘It is under- stood,” observes the Observer, ‘‘ that Mrs. Browne-Portrer and Mr. BeLLew part com pany.’”’ Evidently Browneand B(£L)LEw don’ t go well together. Even the Potter’s Art cannot effect a successful blend. * Decree Betrer. safulle should not a tana 5 has successfull his ex- amination be granted a degree, f= add “C.B.” (** Certificated Bankrupt ’’) to his name ?

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Jeuxe 25, 1892. “WHEN GREEK MEETS GREEK.”

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Page 11

Joxe 25, 1892) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 309 yest. But you must aot tell him that, here and now! Socrates (blandly). Friends, as you suggest that th i Koald be of a conversational or a plan which falleth in with will, if you , catechise you categorically, so as to get r into the interior of the question, and of your—ahem !—minds. Of this catechising, the reporter gives the following condensed summary. Do you suggest that I should turn my back on myself? No, that would be rude. Or give myself away? Nay, that were—unthrifty. Can two solid i ocoupy the same ce at the same time ? no! Home- very solid thin my mind—for the present. When put more into it ? you not reconsider ig would push worse thing, How near are you to unanimity? As near as considerable difference of opinion will Is an unasce minority to coerce an unwilling majority? Our Council has not discussed that? Do you the relative jority and majority in organised their respective es; how ws, and involve them in a conse- Yes! Hardly! ot quite! fan Well, we're not quite sure, c., $e. Socrates (smiling). Now, tell me, Tunasy- macuus, is this the “harmony, or, as it were, — of action,” on which only, as we agreed, we Hie, - — _S . : = could found ‘the principle of permanency in a Mesa SSS —S—— 4 state or community ?” ~ | rs SSS ¢ Thrasymachus-Shiptonides (hurriedly). Well, WILD WEST KENSINGTON. Ovr ure Farexp, TREMLOW, WHOSE DAILY WALK TO THE CITY LEADS PAST THe HorTICULTURAL EXHIBITION, 18 NOT A BELIEVER IN THE IMPORTATION OF THE Rep Varrery or Forricn Exorics. SLY OLD SOCRATES ! } ad (A Fragment from the Very Newest ‘' Republic,”) nice, and . . > . o conclusive, in an Thrasymachus-Shiptonides (after intr ing a Deputation), What | argumentative we demand is a legal reduction of the hours of labour, and what we | sens want of you, Socrares, is your invaluable aid in getting it. ; Socrates (smiling). Most heartily do I wish you may get it—in both cases. But how say you; is the principle of permanence in a state or community, or best effected by harmony, or as it were, j unity of action in all its members? and ail that. And “Aut (after looking at each other, and rubbing their chins). How not, | we’re very TRATES ? ful — but y Socrates (rubbing his hands). Entirely so! And your class then Sboppdinted thes are unanimous in favour of a legal reduction of the hours of | you couldn’t say labour ? something quite hus-Shiptonides (bothered). Well—ahem |—hardly so, perhaps. But (valiantly), at least three-quarters of a million who met in the Park gathering at sixteen , were substantially Socrates. Humph! Over forty-six thousand to each platform. | ingly.) That’s a far greater number than even J ever addressed. How did WT iredpdachue- Shs ue os Swell, 1? bad twent A pony cal duty to say pleasant things all round, bat to us- . ve 7 | lt is not m iti ut sa round, ba years’ experience of mob-mastering, ant I think Louyht to know. Be et ae ats Trath. : ae > Polemarchus-Steadmanides. But will you, SockaTEs, give us your| All (deferentially). Well, we are all tremendously thankful! (aside) opinions of the opi: on-ab Vinee Hasopiqnecsan ch cine. for mercies! isle concen in anyument, but votes tell ot the poll. | Sea one Seopa were @ task more tremen-| And if we do not run at least a Labour Candidates to dous than all his Labours. y 2 i you as to our“ unanimity,” call us—items! { Ezeunt. Cephalus-Pearsonides (aside). By Vulcan, this is his wonted irony. H inclines te answer a question forthrightly, but to une irony, oF ove io , or what the Hiberaiane cali oe henigan,” Matinées of Peril are advertised at the Haymarket. Most } rather than answer, if anyone asks him anything. | Matinées deserve this description. and

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310 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIL. (June 25, 1892. ‘* Free Trade in Curates!’ THE ARCHDEACON a chout our girls, . . BA LOTMERS ANSWERED. | re Beit [At the Amnual Meeting of the : — ee ee a ee WA Z unt | | We know there use too few! urged the desirability of imposing =o “ “hink of of the budding Can- some a ¥ the — dained to t inistry of t i Ch —* of England. as three-fifths 4 a4 jaFor Orders whom, no don 4 ; e i ~~ | of Mr. H. Cowxut, Privy Council Surely the bills our tradesmen| _ - i (i aa | Bar, was born in 1870, and was bring : |, chee educated at Rev. E. Are discipline enough ! = ; nat Wj _ Joun Parry's School, Stoke, “ A fresh supply of Rectories a a “2 A ’ Must really soon be found ; | A pu . y "how didn’t a a start in All would he square, if once there were Sufficient to go round, : : a y—— Par | “inf advantage ger te f er competi ‘ery few ”~ iy anaes MA | come into the world with such Pape my! betes, : , be ye 2 wd are _ Would bea Cure of soa HONORIS CAUSA. tnd some have renin othrast y upon them,” says SHAKSPEARE. . ae Vicarage ' iiendaatia eat ye — ~~ M. a tito the werd To stirathoughtlessnation;| J. L. 7. (to Dr. Irving). “I say, Henny,—'souss my Giove,—I 'vt| cap-d- pie, is, as Dominie But just at present let us try | BezN a Don MysELF, Don’TCHERKNOow. I CAN GIVE you A TIP OR TWO) Sampson a. have said, Restricted Ordination ! ” AnouT PLAYING THE Parr!” “ Pro-di-gi-ous!”

WANA ILA es oN VAAN

lists ; answered by closed-up ranks of tion. “‘Ha! ha!” said ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. —e— ar + the battle from bets cere is the first challenge EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. fight. Soon as BaLrour’s finished I shall House of Commons, Monday, June take the Pi aaredite saan look w rd Constituents at Hoxton. 13. ee fet gh al or: Ru. py - with eyebrows ows slight ruse, style to- or opportunity > evi- Benches nearly empty ; the few Mem- | dently a BF this unwonted and unac- bers a ate depths of de- —— ne gene he ee vee, scene changed ; e 0 rved, quite inciden y; perhaps a comet buzz of conversation | it would be convenient for him to make a state- gee to ill- a excitement. | ment “as to prospects of concl business others, back in his | before termination of the Session.” e Session, - ay And mg mnoomeetiy fit | note. Not the life of sey mph nor cous too,” says Francis ) Gaenea, Viscount | to do = 80 yee ig a thing Bakine: “not at all sure he won't, ~ s— ue tocees long a statement ; after outlive Our Joz. At any ~ up Tasion ee = stumbled on the rate, he’s in fine condition for the | word, m regarded the prospect as so little mill that’s coming off.’’ —~h- 4, a immaterial, that he could What everyone gathered to hear was | not come nearer to its contemplation than an Prince Anruur’s views as to date of | interval of seven da Not before the end of Dissolution. He has, up to now, | one week, and not the middle of another successfully maintained attitude of was as near as he thought it worth while to absolute ce that Dissolution is — such trifling omy. en pees ‘Up to to-night — Fanden. Cette tokies an b word on everyone's tongue has uesday.— Quite touching to observe SQUIRE not passed his lips. When, a fort-| or TMasweone friendly interest in progress of night ago, . & di public Bills. Gonsr, in Hy — _ 1 i Sitting, anxious not to down QP — I. Bul on Oniers, ‘“*Why not put down is | Squire asks, with mildly

* ‘ e ity ; whereas, ; t Francis George. inst of you ’re ready to benefit it by eng os accident, and

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Juxe 25, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. Si NY jE RY BY Bg Yi et LY, >i ZR he SY jp 2¥ Yu Z Vip; VK J we S , ZY AY ‘ Lia ” hy, WIL IY py Y/ 044 WK | Yi sc WU fy LUO. Wi 4) Ma Mi Yy ‘NN ys, A / f Gilly ¢ 4 TA 4 LL error Mn. GLapstows has addressed a letter to the Press :— Sm,—The requests addressed to me by Liberal friends . . . . for personal visite, sprec and letters have at this juncture become so numerous that it is impossible to reply to them, .. . . or to do more than to assure t thoughts are incessantly applied to the best mode I can devise to the promotion of our common cause.”

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$12 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [June 25, 1892. may some night do wonderful stroke of business, working every-|he has to say ; jotting down a note ; revising it after asking - : ] . epneeh ; your thing off.” one he Prince ARTHUR listens attentively, regarding with questioning look or Grey Figure on — side . ** When I was at 8c ,” he says, “‘ we were taught, in a foreign tongue, a i about fearing the Greeks when they brought presen’ sure the right Hon. Gentleman is i fact is, means to ca : Parliament last many more days; hasn’t made maiden speech yet ; must pas do it now, or never; Rye setting — aay P Le anxi d I give a few usiness advancing eaps an 5 attendance : ; ; methods: (a) arrangement of speech, (5) the manage- ment of the voice, (c) attitude or ture. On this last I i they fulfilled thei a st . . oe Ti e eir 1 Big a indignation.” on he , a } ; ® * xeellent |” cried Lavnson- mean anything ; ition m ; vote agreed ‘ OWER, who, as e, involun- Business done.—Supply closed. An Apt Pupil. fenil wees Se ae hand, the Thursday.—Mr. G. hurried in just now, a little late. Been these} «+. »..: _ : mg , two hours at Carlton Gardens ,wrestling with representatives of | « ¥ ae oe See . ae ey ee te Nay 3 the British workman on Eight Hours’ Question. A little out of} ‘Of Sourse you have,” I said. “It's in your book; see page 123 breath with skipping upstairs and running along corridor to be in | wind you let me know when your speech in the House is coming off. Lae one Dollis HAL hers the eer alaih the Krehbishop ‘of | After reading The Speaker's 4 B C,1 wouldn't miss it for any- CANTERBURY went to dine with him. Wants to know about the date thing.” Business done.— Dissolution postponed. of Dissolution. It will be convenient, he says, ‘* at for those who have youth and vigour sufficient again to submit themselves to the constituencies.” Mr. G.’s face wrinkled into smile as he HORACE IN LONDON. uttered this witticism. House spontaneously burst into cheer as Toa M Ww F B hearty on the Conservative side as with Opposition. o A Moveran Water. (4p Fowrsem BAypvsivw.) Rattling on with business. SpxzakeR out of breath with putting | 0 weit of Mal- the question and declaring “the Ayes have it.” Irish Education i Bill not only passed Committee, but d i i Sexton sits content, having done Bill. Managed affair with skill, verance. Resisted all temptation to make long speeches ; away at his Amendments, and carried the most important in of the Ulstermen. “* All very well,” said Downar Banton, “ Jackson giving way to those fellows, and Prince AnTuur saying, as TooLe does on rill, gushi House-boat, ‘Oh, it’s nothing!’ It may be nothing to him, but it’sa brightly, good deal tous. Macartwer and I have done our duty. For — ScHWEPPE I shall say no more. I was christened Duwsar Barton. Henceforth shall aérate let me be known as Dum Barrow.” slightly ; Business done.—More than ever. Friday.—Met Brooxrretp in corridor just now. Capital fellow | Scuwerri (pronounced with an accent as % BRooxFie.p, h not well known in House, much less to fame spelt, Sir.) AE outside. Was in 13th Hussars; is now to the Lieu- | Scawerrt, purveyor of soda and seltzer, tenant-Coloneley of Ist Cinque Ports Rifle Volunteers. Has sat for| And potass (for gout in one’s joint meant. ) Rye these coves years, bat never yet poke. : This the more — Unto the Quzen, “ by appointment. able since is a trai student of art of public speaking . 4 +s : indeed, just written profound treatise on business. ISHER Ph peermebee na Unwrw sent me copy from Paternoster Square. Sat up all night Unmixed, to the temperate classes reading it. The speech of ‘our worthy Member,” proposing “ The Mixed. for the thirst of wild asses. Town and Trade of X,” is thrilling, Another, put into the Z mouth of “the youngest bachelor present,” responding for ‘‘ the Malvern, with me ram ( rhapsodist, what ’ll Ladies,” makes your creep. Brooxrrecp’s idea novel and Rival the e of bard and of bottle— ingenious. Sets forth what he calls a conventional speech. This The bottle in cups effervescent, fillsupColamn A. In Column B. he comments on it, rather severely In couplets the bard, as at present. sometimes ; in Column C. throws out suggestions which, duly fol- ae age ey Ray ly, dg dealt with, — ( " her the Blvd whether respondi or Bishop and Clergy, Army, Navy, Reserve| ‘‘ Lixe Niope” (suggested advertisement for t ra Forces, House of Guus, or House of Lords. BROOKFIELD, more-| Instead of boards up on which is inseribed, ‘‘ House Full,” * over, goes behind the scenes; shows the wretched man who has to| Standing Room,” and so forth, why not simply, ‘* Ni make speech preparing it. You see him making up his mind what | (full). tiers” cP NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, wil, i no case be returned, uot oven when accompanied by © Stamped and Addressed Ravelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there Bo exception

Page 15

ALL WINE MERCHANTS AND GROCERS. AT EVERY BAR AND RESTAURANT. CLARET. Special offer, worth Testing. 1000 doz. delicate 1888 Lamarqua, 18s. per doz., delivered. ARNOLD, PERRETT, & C0., Lo., 7a, Lower Belgrave St., Londen, §.W. CARLTON HIGHLAND MALT WHISKEY. ELEVEN YEARS OLD. GOLD MEDAL, CALCUTTA BREIBITION ssi. ‘s. the Gall; 50a the =. Canaiscs Par. A single ce ol sma hp se pat RICHD, MATHEWS & CO., 24 and 25, Hart St., Bloomsbury, W.C. Bold by all Leaping Moaenanre throughout EERINGS ita. toe pp | HE ANBY. Genwt ae. CHUBB’Sz SAFES JEWEL ROBBERIES, 99 7 Pars. * quai gt A STREBRT, E.C., st AMES'S STRE LER, Pall Mall, Londo. in ANS ANTHEA Pee wg f Vecras.e. Per- y Harm- Pp tor BOTANIC MEDICINE Co.. 8, NeW OXFORD D Sr, wc “aH S = TABLETS 681 TAR: | SOAP PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—June 25, 1692. Continue to be supplied to Her Majesty the Queen. + | BEWARS OF IMITATIONS OF BOTH nReED sooo ait INVALUABLE A SALTS Ana) Aarne pat RT ear Wholesale BARCLAY & 60N6, Le., St, Bo. of Time. ‘praca ERARD PIANOS & HARPS Ate Bp Pianos for the het N my win 8. @ P. ERARD, 16, Great Maribor ceniah, ©. FLORILINE.|7 THE TEETH AND BREATH. fe the BEST LIQUID DENTIFRICE in the World. he teotl Peay wi WHitTs SHAND, MASON «Co. MAKERS o# ) sTEAM FIRE rr 75, UPPER ; oa WND STREET. BLACKFRIARS no anit LL 1? : a Taste ‘ont Toot LANCET * 1 babberret Bed Mneotg preparation.” ant epee ‘It has all the good producing constipation or ditturbing digestion,and it does not blacken (he teeth SOLD DY 441 CHEMISTS W/TH DROF Measuns. Luxumious FINE CUT BRicuT Tobacco. |e SAVAR’S CUBEB CIGARETTES. Mazar tends W god Ou DAMP WALLS. mer reerg ove" {aa CR | Fe : acts w 2 t BEDFORD HAYMAKERS. SQUIRE'S ‘HEMICAL 2. FOOD FOR DELIOATE CHILDREN. SQUIRE & SONS, 414, OXFORD STREET, LONDON. ie i ed

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PU NCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Jung 25, 1892. Ride « a cook ieone lo Benbur Peon emapn ~° Jo seea young Tady reaeee dirl and Meees® From: etllar attic Mon § she goes With Brookes’ Monkey Brand which “Wont Wash Clothes. FOR HARNESS AND ALL STABLE FITTINGS. The World’s most Marvellous Cleanser and Polisher. Makes Tin like Silver, Copper like Gold, Paint like New, Windows like Crystal, Brass Ware like Mirrors, Spotless Earthenware, Crockery like Marble, Marble White. FOR A THOUSAND HOUSEHOLD. USES. Printed by William Stuart Smith, of No ™, Loreime Road, Holloway, in the Parish of #t. M. s tetingten, tm the Conaty of theres, 08 the Printing Offices of Mesars. Bradbury, .—r —y Lanitedy, beard Direct, in the Precinct of W bitetriars, ib the City of London, and published by him at No. 8, Fleet Street, in the of 8t. Bride, City of London.— Sarvapst,