Punch 1892-06-04: Vol 102 Iss 2656

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Some Old Friends/ The New History of Handley Cross. By F. C. BURNAND. Sandford & Merton The “JORROCKS” EDITION, yew VOLUME IN COLLECTED EDITION. With many of JOHN LEECH’S With 114 Punch Illustrations. By F. C. BURNAND. Illustrations and Coloured Frontispiece. Price 5/- New Edition 3 6. With TINLEY SAMBOURNE’S Mustrations. Price 7/6

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ABSOLUTELY PURE TrTuerrrore BEST. NO CHEMICALS USED.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Juns 4, 1892.

"Cloth. 1 Vol, te. “Just ont. Crown Oro. 2% pp UNWRITTEN LAW. T By Mre. Bewverr. Eowsnns “Mire Reanett Béwards need not to spologise for after a we of years. The = = Slet throughout te Gestoreunt woven Get with incidents in pa = Bas Engiish come? life, and altogether forms a most charming tab — can be ary commended for the excel! — anol her harac ere undoubtedly are —Pusiue Aliso by the same Author, FIYTH EDITION OF gamer MONICA. 2s. 6d. “* Saint Monies ls « fine and refined emotions! work, written with great honesty of views and pu 4 perfect psychological auey pow? Pare Vast In hand ing § he 4ificult subject of the English Alvoree \awe fine boundaries of tect and refine- ment are never overstepped. The characters are original, clearty and powerfully drawn, and hold the reader's interest from first to last. A book we an most stro ongiy reece ween > eS BS - « Buart Kriet 4 w "A RROWSMITH Simram, Memewact, Hamreron, Kewe & Co., Limited THE ENGLISH ILLUSTRATED MACAZINE For JUNE, 18%, Price Sixpence, contains The Right Hon the Earl of Rosebery. Front. The Earl of Resebery. Henry W. Lacy A Pageant of Thames Poets. BJ. Milliken Ree of Epsom and the Derby Pan of the “ Sporteman.” Illustrated FO Kitten a 4. Sullives lorable Affair » be Contineed) W ots. I — ay by L. Lealle Brooke. Works at Tilustrated lL ondor errr A De F 6 The Midiand Railway Derty. Charles Hew from Official Photegrap 7. Demeter and its Castle. Graham Walles justrated by B. W. Chariton Singing. Illustrated Jones Charen Mastic and Congregational The Hon. Béaward P. Thesiger, CB dieMaking Joseph Hatton by W. H. Mar Brening. lady aT ae brew tnall, AW MACMI! py @ co. MACMILLAN'S MAGAZINE. Ne. =. JUNE. len Iustrated by EB. 7 LONDON

Cowrerrs 1 Dom Orsine; by F. Marion Crawford. Chapters KI xrv Some Great Biographies ; by George Saintsbury She Legend of Lagwater Eee; by Arthur Mor Preach Girls’ Schools; by Mre Sandford A Light o OCargien ; by Alexander ( Leré Beaaprey; by lHenry James Leaves from a Note Book The Stranger im the House MACMILLAN & ©O, doa clusion. e398 LONDON

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—_—_ Joxe 4, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 265 humorous ome 3 in it, it would be something—but I LOST LUGGAGE. cant it is 5 Serlera to bs * all funny. And there is still an , ** Vacuus Viator. ” our a ge rough ore dinner! (Or he By sn ean n ) I have dined—in a small room, with a stove, a carved buffet, and At the Douane, Ostend.—Just off Princesse Henriette ; pas- a portrait of the King of the Beterans; but my spirits are still low. sengers hovering about excitedly with bunches of keys, waiting German Waiter dubious about me; opinion for the for their luggage te be brought chine. Why can’t they take things present. He gk in with a touch of new his manner. quietly—like me? J don’t worry. 4-4 teau and bag ‘‘ Please, a man from de shdation a you.” I go out—to find the labelled at Victoria. Sure to turn w ue time. Some men ampethetio F Porter. My baggage has arrived? It has; it is at the when they travel insist on taking hand- into the carriage with forme. I am saved! I tell the Waiter, withou them—foolish, when they might have them put in the van and get elation, but with what, I trust, is a calm di rid of all responsibility the } ug, don’t see mine—as re, It’s all mh « cae. a People who are At the Biationn tT have going on to Brussels and Aneoep at on such a pleasant helpful luggage brought out first. Don sohthe ae of poem —. ia much less dull at right that myself. I shall —_ the night here—put up at one of the hotels now that my prodigal on the Digue, Sa tet og iad. gr | evening yep at the ge Siew | be something going on. Then I can go contortaliy = a mid-day train to- morrow. my luggage = tarries. I’m not. Q = ' I shall events, with the night . ing. fellow’s bag . No more luggage brought = eens anxious—at Saas porter ; ltt Bz FS wants my bag me wey tate : train) that alwa | registered on going fbr ly supposed they knew best, and tae worry. | came away to get a rest and avoid worry, and I won't worry . The Porter and I have gone on board to hunt for the things. | They aren’t there. Left behind at Dover © ) j |) ! | probably. Wire for them at onee. No idea | Hh i iia | Voice, with fine Cockney accent, is singing “y difficult it was to deseribe luggage ‘= * Oh, dem Golden ~ lt J’ Wonder vividly and yet economically till I tried. I | m whee my sli are ! H owever, it will be sent on by the next | g i Bedroom.—I have had to come boat, and arrive some time in the evenin ' back pee |so it’s of no consequence. Now for t e tf oer Ask for o bus for the Continggte’. , ; e Continental is not open yet. Very : Lape: ' ; Rhy irs “kings well, the Hétel de la Plage, then. Closed! 1 i8: HY \ : om wind a pecs of All the hotels facing the sea are, it seems. — 3 i] ; ‘ but unavoidab He = Sympathetic Porter recommends one inthe —¥ ae ate em. Prob- town, and ises to come and tell me as : soon as the luggage turns up. ; iE z= the At the Hotel,—Find, on getting out of ~ - the omnibus, that the Hotel is al : A tp my door. “* Please, de tings!” painted; entrance seed by ladders : Waiter. I have im. pails. a4 po and am received in the hall by the —— and a German Vaiter. ‘* Certain] y can give me a room y ‘ —my Segiugs thal boteion apie tne the cuffs, and on every Here I have ete ay that this is impractic- “ Please, de tings!” seuething, is worked in tiny blue able, as m bage as unfortunately been . letters, turns out to be left behin mt me a change in manneratthis. A stranger ‘* Good- ale, ” x. don’t quite know ny y, but, in m my br Wo state, I who comes abroad with ong pt but a mae and and an umbrella cannot find this benediction. expect to inspire confidence, I s . Lremark to the Waiter that beli te hardly confide his the luggage is sure to follow rio y the next boat, but it strikes even i bed and dréam weet —_ I do rj bring = out with quite a sincere ring. a at all the manner of a man who possesses a portmanteau. order dinner—the kind of dinner, I feel, that a —_ who did not intend to pay for it would order. I detect this impression in the Waiter’s eye. If he dared, I know he would suggest tea and a boiled eg8 0 mano seeeiy. under the cireumstances. we - Doves. a Bot a fo vee Jn Digue ought, it being holiday time, there wou original was ‘‘ bores.’ ut they may them what they be more gaiety i but Ostend just ust Bree alittle lacking in liveli- like, so long as io get them back again. ness hotels, villas, and even the . patente ptbe with ead-colou utters. er ~ why on Promenade a Y scrooping over the tiles in I come to a glazed shelter, | “Tax Campa against the Jebus. Gallant Advance of the and find the seats choked with het sand, and protected with | British.” Dear o - Ram wants to know “ who is is commanding barbed wire. This depresses me. I di not want to sit down—but | the British forces in fr, Punch plato tolorm bie (which she the barbed wire does seem the | spells ny "Mr. Punch to inform his estimable cor- sand-dunes ; must jas the time somehow til dinner and fhe evival Tepondent that » ae officers commanding in the Gibus of my luggage der whether it really was labelled ‘* Ostend.” | are oat IDE-AWAKE, BitLicocx, Jimcrow, Port, Suppose the porter thought I said “ Rochester” ... in that case—— | and Betrorrer. Their strategical movements are worthy of I will not worry about it like this. I will go back and see the town. | Firet Nap. I have; it is like a good many other foreign towns. 1 am melan- choly, I can’ t dismiss 7 miserable luggage from my mind. To, Consrpwrate.—Arrangements are to be made for all be alone in a foreign land, without so much as a oe n ‘sock, is ' Committees in future to sit at certain hours. ‘* Por this relief, distressing position for a sensitive person. If I could oily sdeeeed thasiks,” as Wiraiam Smaxerrans, M.P., o ed. Seee a ee v6t, ari. AA

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266 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Jone 4, 1899, |

iia vale | AT —— Wiis SUMP WI) UMNT UBL til” a 4 te felt ie > alta My om 4 in ' Ny ‘ ait! } qh ° Rte ~ < .

RECIPROCAL. Sporting Gentleman. ‘‘ Wet, Str, 1'M VERY PLEASED TO HAVE MADE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE, AND HAD THE OPPORTUNITY OF HEARING A CHURCHMAN’S VIEWS ON THE QUESTION or TiTHES. OF coursE, as A Country LANDOWNER, I'M INTERESTED IN CHURCH MATTERS, aNp——” The Parson. ‘QvuITE sO—DELIGHTED, I'm sunE. ER—BY THE BYE, COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT'S Wow To-pay!” “ » | Lightly they ‘ll talk of him now he is gone, r I r T : THE BURIAL OF THE " BROAD-CAUCE. = the cheap “Narrow Gauge” has out- KILLING NO MURDER. oy . a 23, i ie stay - * ‘ Atos te! (To the Editor of ‘* Punch.”) “ Drivers of Broad-Gauge Engines wandering | Yet Bui mi: ve foun e let it P — disconsolately about with their engine-lamps in on, 9 ° go ae er bn ory se peen reading their hands ; followed by their firemen with pick) That Browex's Big Idea would have paid by ~ oe Oh wer d "8 seat Ie by GEORGE and shovel over their shoulder, waiting in anxious him ! Letters of arles Samuel Keene, by EOR expectation of the time when that new-fangled ' | Somes Layarp.” Seeing the name of one of machine, a narrow ~-geuge engine, should come But the battle is ended, our task is done ; |your colleagues as the first line of the down a day or two after.”— Times’ Special at| After forty years’ fight he’s retiring.* |** Index,” I turned to page 74 and looked | Plymouth on Death of Broad Gauge.) This hour sees thy triumph, 0 StepHenson; | him out. I found him mentioned in an | Nor a whistle was heard, not a brass bell-note,| Old ‘* Broad Gauge” no more will need | account given by Mr. M. H. Sprecmayn of As his corse o’er the sleepers we hurried; | firing. the Punch Dinner, which Mr. GroreE Somes Not a fog-signal wailed from a husky throat “ ” “ aie | Layard had extracted from Black and | O'er the grave where our “* Shani Genes od The | ay must now be “divided in White, no doubt to assist in making up his I : : ie tow | we buried. Well, well, they shan’t mangle or mess you ! | (¢ 74." The following is the quotation : We buried him darkly, at dead of night, | Accept'the last ‘words of friends faithfal, if | cee Reiter, get hove antl, poseins; Bell The sod with our pickaxes turning, few :— | neusll noweie 4 Mr. Arruur A’Beckert | By the danger-signal’s ruddy light, “Good-bye, poor old Broad-Gauge, God | takes his place, the duty never falling 1 | aaa ome oe es a‘ bless you |” + an artist.” Then, to chow how thoroughly No useless tears, though we lov im we.l! l id hi . |Mr. Georax Somes Layard is up ' Long years to his fire-box had bound us. —_ ont eodly beceg be By iS any, he adds to the name of Mr. ARTavR| We fancied we glimpsed the great shade of | We sang not a dirge—we raised not a stone, | A’Becxert (after the fashion of Mr. Punch | BRUNEL But we left the “Broad Gauge” to his|in the drama disposing of the clown or the | In sad sympathy hovering round us. glory ! ; | beadle), ‘‘ since ed .’ Now Mr. ah alive Few and gruff were the words we said, * The Royal Commission appointed to inquire | A’Becxert is not dead, but very much alive. le : | Do t think, Sir, it would be better | But we thought, with a natural sorrow, into the uniformity of railway gauges, presented you no DX, y Of the Narrow-Gauge foe of the Loco. just | their report to Parliament on Moy 30, 1846. were gentlemen who write about yourself sad dead, | + Words found written on one of the G.-W. rails. | Your colleagues, to verify their facts befo Ye chould have to attend en the morrow. | | they attempt to give obituary notices, eveD li , brief as the i estion ? We thought, as we hollowed his big broad bed if they be a0 brict as the one in ques

. ' . . Lee ; Yours, truly, And iled » y rt 9 ; . TO A DEAR YOUNG FEMININE FRIEND, WHO ’ . P . How hit foe phy wy et J coms “wanen® a6 “ waneen. | Monk Gay THAN Grave would tread, Bap spelling? Oh dear no! So tender, she ? SOCCER - . Shrieking triumph through cutting and | Wished that the cart should have an extra) New AnNp Appropriate Name Fol tunnel ** gee.” Mopgrn Pveitism.—The “ Nobble” Art. —

JUNE

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— Juss 4, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. BURIAL OF THE ‘“‘ BROAD-GAUGE.”

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268 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, [Sows 4, 1892, | STUDIES IN THE NEW | And cigelis fair, nor POETRY. Then, beer, beer, beer Tue world is of course Spume - headed, bit aware by this time that a golden like the gold New Poetry has arisen Buried by eu i- and has asserted itself by rates tem reed the mouths of many loud- -capped. itigable, | voiced “boomers.” It | |_ over-bold has been Mr. Punch’s| , With blood and rapine, | | good fortune to secure a and several specimens of this if fear. | new product, not through 2. i on kitchen table the intervention of middle Is figured with the an- men, but from the manu- | circular stains | of warning. facturers themselves. He proposes to publish them | for the benefit and en- | lightenment of his readers. Bat first a word | are | perhaps some who believe | | that a poem should not | only express high = noble thoughts, or recoun’ great deeds, but that ‘taat it should do so in verse) that is musical , cadenced, rhythmical, instinct with reserved rather ,and | than boiéterous. If if any | such there be, let them know at once that they | are hopelessly old-| fashioned. The New Poetry in its highest ex- pression banishes form, regularity and rhythm, and treats rhyme with unexampled Neshestiy. | Here | there, it is true, rhymes get pai quite happily in the = ventional manner, directly afterwards od may come upon a | weak little rhyme = will ery in vain for bis| mate through half ce interloping lines. I cases have been known of | rhymes that have been left on a sort of desert island of a verse, and have never been fetched away. And sometimes when the lines have got | chopped very short, | rhymes have ove orboard al That is really what is meant b to its hi course, There is the “* bl which clatters up ighest ex noise, elbows you here, and and if it findsa ‘ee os in the | toiled | | Bthel. ‘ *‘Mawuy pear! POWDER Bis Hare? I Don’t DO EITHER!” carried cellence. ” variety "down with immense kicks you there, weakness about in the middle of the street, i knocks it down and ——e; upon it. too there is the “ which —— by Ji keeps a large by ee go di 1. ready to sow nadie aioe ths least provocation. However, Mr. Punch may as_well let his | specimens speak for themselves. Here, then, is | Then pay” Mat No. L—A GRAVESEND GREGORIAN. | By W. E. H-wt-y. Deep in a murky hole, Cavernous, untrans The demiurgus of the The scuttle- (Con Brie.) rent, fetid, dank, servants’ hall, ring buttons, boon and blank And Perk loads his evening load of coals, Filled wit be a I _—. QUITE UNANSWERABLE. Way po You PowpeR your Fac, anp Lo, the round cook half fills the hot retreat, of | Her kitchen, where the odours of the meat, The cabbage and sweets all merge as in a A Whereat ‘the shrinking | And flies for succour to THomas of the ~ os Who, doing nought by halves, Cireles a gallant arm Tout her waist, respect for the cook’s and butler’s And takes unflinching the cheek-slap of the | bered in the chaste cient, Of the pint-pot’s bot- am pa t servanta’ ball is abl.’ | To Gia Bs Plat or ben Episcopacy 1n Day- | GER.—Mr. Punch con- | gratulates Dr. Perownz, | Bishop of Worcester, on {his narrow fire - escape | some days ago, when his | | lawn sleeves (a costume PP aid -party than a pul- Piel’) | pit) caught fire. It was : | cathenelll by a bold | Churchwarden. tte let Churchwardens be pre- pared with hose whenever | Spreaterane any chance ignition from his own “ burning eloquence.” | If Mr. Punch’s advice us above is upon, @ i if ** putout ”’ may y mutter, ** Darn our hove,” But this can your easily explained : explained away. | Betrrer AND Betrer.— e t week about Sir ARTHUR SULLI- | vaw bg that ‘* he hopes to to the country neue: ” $o do our po- litical parties. Sir Ar- | THURcannot restrain him- ' self from writing new and ‘| exiginal music at a rapid pace. This, is 4 consequence of his having taken so many composing draughts. “Our Booxrne Orrice.”—Not open this week, as the Baron has been a book. Interesting subject, “‘On the Derby and Oaks.” Being in sporting mood, the ‘Baron as his motto King Soromon’s words out "treanren Sotomon’s) own of golden treasures,- a. of book- Yay Any is He substitutes -making ” jor of books,” Tik) he os Langer Pt ———, (HeRBeRrt af sings, ‘it makes no difference.” APTER THE Evare. Last Sunday week was the one day in the _— when ancient Joe WHY Dogs Taomas i FE Millers were permissible It was ‘* Chestnut | ws | Sunday. ” We didn’t like to mention it before. Tue Royal General Theatrical Fund | Dinner, had last ae ey will be remem- of the Stage as ‘* ALET- | ANDER’s Feast.” Junz WSS | | Dra | stree | Sign aw)

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Junz 4, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

HORACE IN LONDON.—TO A COQUETTE. (AD PYRRHAM.) Wuar stripling, flowered and scent-bedewed, Now courts thee in what solitude ? For whom dost thou in order set Thy tresses’ au- » Coquette. Caterina 0 “Meat, but not dy” ?—Soon soon ! Z (Too ! pm fai is class Love; y/ Who counts for gold each tinsel whim And hopes thee always a all for a smi ‘ eat ents o doom Thy glamour holds un . Forme, Both purse and person with its worst. ing weeds” are doffed; and I Sit “* landed,’ like my wine, and *‘ dry ;” What “ weeds” survive I smoke, and rub My hands in harbour at my Club ! My “* dripp

his author has failed him ? No; we applaud to h till, as Mr. CHEVALIER sa: we thort we should i ” but we don’t « encore the comic mi jokes, telling situations, or serious soliloquies as rendered om ed histrions. Were a P's dames ete of lle, BavVERMEISTER in different a. it would, for interest and variety, become a formidable rival of the CHaKLES MATHEWS series now in’ the Sonal a she » the a 4 oy me Gm, be existence, and has done her tardy eee ty a to give her n Opera Company could possibly be Pt >/ ta soa 5 = % ; * Ee Zt % . a- ENA ey Dee TRY ' i <7 ae * ustice. Long ma uable uanataie, 9 perf ect, n hee h aN, \ . ~ °~ 5 — — 2 Sei Cis as eh ” = re ~ “ a \ uy cs ”A

OPERATIC NOTES. Monday.—L’ Amico Fritz ‘at last! Better late than never. A| Dramatie Operatic Idyl. ‘* Nothing in it,” as Sir Charles Cold- stream observes, except the music, the singing, and the acting of Signor pe Lvcta as Fritz Our Friend, of M. Dovascas as the Rabbi | of Mile. Growra Ravooit as Boy Beppe, of Mile. BAUVERMEISTER as Caterina, and of Madame Catv as Suzel. Not an indifferent pecformer |! or singer among them, and not an individual in the audience indifferent | * to their performance. erry- Duet, between Suzel and Fritz, great hit. ” Admirably sung and acted, and vociferously en . Nay, they would have | had it three times if they could, but though Sir Drvriotayvus sets his face against encores, allowing not too much encore but just encore enough, he, ae an — epi cannot see why persons who have to hear a thing only once should — it times for the same money No; if they like it so much that they and must have it, an won't be till they get it, then them encore their own performance ying for their seats, and come ~ ear their favourite a The Rabbinieal-Hat-Beer-Jug. like topay. He will be Bs no more. Sir Drevriotanvs is right. Do we insist on Mr. Irvine giving us ‘To be or not to be,” or any other soliloquy, all over Bob-Cherry Duet. As to L’ Amico Fritz, 1 should su gest b me y be ve plage ed in one Scene and two Acts. That this one be the Exterior of caows- Tree Farm (which should be Frite’s 8, ~~ 7 a Rabbi's) and that of lowering the Curtain, the intermezzo—not 1 venture to Foul ual to the marvellous intermezzo in Cavalleria Rusticana— ould played. LL’ Amico is certain of an encore, and this will give the singers a rest. It could then commence at nine—a more convenient hour to those who would like to hear every note of it. than 8°15, and it would be over by eleven sharp. A nod is as good as a wink to Sir Drvrioranvs, but all the same, Heaven forefend I should be guilty of oo indiscretion in the Imperial Operatorial presence. us much at present. Aveustus and the heat of its Friday.—** It’s the smiles of i July ”—adapted quotation —~s . | rom BY cannot sing the “ song ’—except under a sense e deepest most unpardonable vocation; and when I do! !—Cave canem, ruat calum/ I bring wn the house as Madame Detrian’s Samson did. To-night Manon is Tndeed warmly welcomed. ‘' A nice ra,” says a young lady, f herself. ‘‘ I wish it were an iced Opera,” groans Wacstarr, re-issuing one of his earliest side-splitters. M. Van Dycx strong as the weak Des Grieux but Madame Mhap think of cling her not strong enough. “* What made author-chap think of her Manon ? person in Stalls. AGSTAFF, revi after an iced B.-and-S., is equal to the occasion. “Such a bad lot, you know —regular man-catcher ; hooked a man on, then, w he = done with, hooked another man on. for name eviden a The Cavalleria Rusticana is the favourite for Derby Nebt. All right up to now, Sir Davri0Lanvs.

again, sim y because he has'done it once so well we ask Mr. J. L. OOLE to repeat his author’s good jokes —or his own when Tewner Sone ror Dexsy Dar.—** He’s got it on!”

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OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. es [June 4, 1899.

Miss Binks. “‘ Au, Yes, contrast! THAT Is HOW Hat's HOW we Scort tog Our Artist. ** EXacTLy. ruen J MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE, PERHAPS!" ——_A ——_— WHAT OUR ARTIST (THE SMALL AND SUSCEPTIBLE ONE) HAS TO PUT UP WITH. Miss Binks, ‘‘ Pray, Ma. Trrmovsm, WHY Do YOU ALWAYS DRAW sUCH IMMENSELY TALL WomeEn?!” Our Artist. ‘Weir, Miss Borxs, I surrose it’s secavse I’ svcn a Tory Litrtiz MAN MYSELF, we Trxy Litrte Women ALWAYs

CONTRAST, YOU sEE!” ATTRACT ALL THE Five Tati Mev! I ONLY WISH TO GOODNESS You '’D ATTRACT THAT VERY Frye Tatt Man away From Miss Joxra—

A VERY “DARK HORSE.” The Country knows... Hon. Gentleman we have what it is we desire to do. Mr. GLapsTonsg) desires to do no human being knows. If done our part, as we have done, to clear the issues, all we can ask is to do his part, to lay before the electorate of this country in the same plain, unmistateable outline, the policy which he desires to see adopted.” — Mr. Balfour on Second Reading of Irish Local Gevernment Bill.) Scene —The Paddock, before the Great Race. Rising Young Jockey, Anruvr Batrour, mounted on the Crack Irish Horse. Enter Grand Old Jockey, at the moment minus a mount, Grand Old Jockey (aside). Humph! Don't look so bad, now, despite the dead set That against him we’ve made since his very first running, Do they mean him to win after all? Artful set, That Stable! It strikes me they ’ve been playing cunning. One wouldn’t have backed him, first off, for a bob. His owner concerning him searcely seemed caring. Eugh! No one supposed he was fair ** on the job” ; A mere trial-horse, simply ** out for an airing.” When he first stripped in public he looked such a screw, _He was bailed with a general chorus of laughter ; Youn ed at the general yahboo ! And poch-poohed his new mount ! I’m bound to admit the Horse looks pretty fit, And the boy sits him well, and as though he meant trying. I say, this won’t do! I must bounce him a bit. Most awkward, you know, if his “‘ slug” takes to flying / Rising Young Jockey (aside). Hillo! There’s Old Witt! out on the scoot. The artful Old Hand! Hope he'll like what he looks on! He slated this as a peacocky brute, Whose utter collapse they ’ve been building their books on. How now, my spry veteran ? On a three-leggéd crock ? Bat seemed a He’s

Only a boy Well I own you are older, What the Right | | | | | | Rising Young Jockey (laughing). O e What the doose is he after ?

And watching your riding ’s a thing to enjoy ; There isn’t a Jock who is defter and bolder ; Your power, authority, eloquence—yes, For your gift of the gab is a caution—are splendid ; But—the youngster may teach you a lesson, | guess, 9 As to judgment Se ere the contest is ended. [again Grand Old ockey (aloud). Well, Antuur my lad, in the saddle Is that your crack mount ¥ Rising Young Jockey. The identical one, WILL. Grand Old Jockey. Dear, dear, whata pity! It quite gives me pain To see you so wasted. : Rising Young Jockey. That’s | your fun, Wit. [points. Grand Old Jockey. Nay, nay, not at all! Don’t think much of his He ’s not bred like a true-blood, nor built like a winner. Not well put together, so coarse in his joints, In fact—only fit for a ig ’re wonderful clever. But we have one in our Stable, my lad, Rinse, ott fst liek his head off moll “= ising Young Joc ). Now have you indeed, W111 ° I we | I’ve — & fore. Very glad your lot are in luck ; and I hope you "ll sueceed, WILL, But biess me! yours seems such a very Dark Horse! Oh! there, don’t fire up so! Your word I won’t doubt, W11t. You say 80, and one must believe you, of course ; But—ien’t it time that you brought the nag out, Wit?

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Jouws 4, 1892. “SZ. \ \ eS \ Sa Wd SS U V\ See ; ~ COD \ Sent SY s A VERY “DARK HORSE.” Op Jocxey. “ DON’T THINK MUCH OF HIS POINTS! WE’VE ONE IN OUR STABLE CAN LICK HIS HEAD OFF!” Youne Jockey. “ HAVE YOU? THEN WHY DON’T YOU BRING HIM OUT?” ee (RS a sae

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Histe yolut new Di this idea re | a3

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Jows 4, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

HISTORY AS SHE 1s | MMPS PLAYED! | U oe volution ? Answerer. Becausein Ther- rely Reign of Terror | Q. Was the “ Reign of Terror” very terrible ? A. Notvery. Atthe Opéra Comique it had its comic side. Q. How was that? A. For instance, be te. teuses Were represen comely, albeit plump maidens, who seemed more inclined to dance round a Maypole than nt Q. Were Ropesrrerre, Sr. Jost, and the rest, cruel and vindictive ? A. I should say not; and I int usion on the fact at they engaged an actor given to ew oking ec | is strengthened | for a general slaughter of Ursuline Nuns. \% Q. Why should he order such a massacre ? - A. To catch the heroine of| , Thermidor, a lady who had | taken the vows under the im- |

BY SEA 2 A. By pointing her out one er, and when she is ara moving their ing their attention on something | concealed behind the scenes. | @. What is your present of the Reign of Terror ? he = | t idea of the Reign error is, that it was the mildest thing imaginable. not even a

. Do you not consider M. Mayer of honour A, Certainly I do. For has he not removed (with the assistance of M. Sarpovu and the ra Comique) several fond illusions of my youth ’

Toe Morwine or THE | Densy.—Hamilet considering | whether he shall go to Epsom for the great race or not, soli- loquises, ‘* Der-be or not Der- be, that is the question.” | (N.B.—As to the other lines, |go as you please, ‘ The rest | is silence.”

pression that her lover een killed by the enemy. _Q. Had her lover been) killed ? A, Certainly not; he had preferred to surrender. __Q, Can you give me any idea of the component part of | a revolutionary crowd ? A. At the Opéra Comique, a revolutionary crowd seems = Aisthetic Friend. oR ARABESQUES———” . = < ‘*Mareiep AND SrvoLe” NATURE V. ART “ Yes, THis Room's RATHER NICE, ALL BUT THE! ; WINDOW, WITH THESE LARGE BLANK PANES OF PLATE-GLASS ! LIKE TO SEE SOME SORT OF PATTERN ON THEM—LITTLE SQUARES OR LozENoxs | two sweet sixteens woul |should be played by Lady- | Cricketers. No single youn rson under seventeen shoul permitted an innings, oo on ‘not out,” and there would be I sHOULD Philistine, ‘‘ WELL, BUT THOSE LovELY Carrey Buossoms, anp THe | no chance for the other side. LAKE, AND THE DISTANT MOUNTAIN, AND THE BEAUTIFUL SuNseTs, aNp | Match-makers are only inter- THE PurPLeE CLouDs—Isn’T THAT PATTERN ENOUGH !” ested in the Single.

LADY GAY’S SELECTIONS, Dear Mr. Purcu,—For the first time have I seen myself in print! and I must say I think it very ing—and so nice and this hot weather! You are indeed a sweet creature for idea so readily—and I really must say that if these obstinate of Parliament who oppose Women’s Suffrage would only alter their views, it would be much better for the Country— or worse—I don’t know which! Sir Mrustrine BiounDELL, whose criti- cism on my contribution to your well- i plimented cool too my embers

a very keen judge of racing (Lord Bournemovurs to wit) has formed the opinion that—in his own words—‘‘ he will be on the premises ”’ ! The premises in question being Epsom Downs, there will un- doubtedly be room for him without his filling an unnecessarily prominent position, so I will couple Lianthony with La Fiéche to supply the probable last in the Derby. Meanwhile, I must say a word or two about the Ladies’ Race at Epsom on Friday next. There is absolutely no knowing what will start for the Oaks nowadays until the numbers go up—and no Turf Prophet will venture a selection until the morning of the race—and this is where the perspicuity of an Editor like yourself, Mr. Punch, scores a distinct Rit for such a paltry consideration as *‘ knowing nothing about it” is not likely to daunt a woman who takes as her motto the well-known line from Saaxsrzare: “* Thus Angels rush where Cowards fear to tread!”—so herewith I confidently append my verse selection for the last Mare in the Oaks! Yours devotedly, Lapy Gay. Tue Tre. ’Tis the voive of the Sluggard, I hear him complain, — You have waked me too soon—an unpleasant surprise ! In on hots ox 9 later yee call me again, When, if feeling re I will straightway ‘‘ Arise /”’

Qurre rm Keerrve.—The Earl of Drsant has left the ranks of the Liberal Unionists and become 2 Gladstonian Home-Ruler. ‘* What more natural?” asked one of his former Unionist friends. whom | “ Of course he ’s dysarted us!”

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[Juxe 4, 1892, 274 _____ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL vr . me "6 Hy »-\ \ ae WN A MISUNDERSTANDING. | He. “On, rr 1D ONLY BEEN A ‘ Brear’!” She. “‘I¥ YOU HAD BEEN, YoU CouLDN’T GROWL WORSE THAN You Do!” ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, MP. House of Commons, Monday, May 23.—Repmonp, Junior, said really funny thing just now. on Irish Local Government Bill, he announced in loud angry tone that it would be waste of time to discuss a Bill the Government | evidently did not intend to press through this Session, and he for one would be no party to such a farce. Then he went on to talk for half | an hour. Debate on the whole something better than last week's contribution. ©’ Braren delivered himself of glowin denunciation full of felicitous phrases, al got through in half an hour. CaamBeEr- LAIN followed; has not yet got over startling novelty of his interposition in Debate being welcomed by loud cheers from Conservatives ; thinks of old Aston- Park days, when the cheering was, as Wessrer (not Attorney-General) says, **on the other boot.”” Now, when Josern gets up to demolish his Brethren sitting near, Conservatives opposite settle them- selves down with the peculiar rustling motion with which a congregation in crowded church or chapel arrange them- selves to listen to a favourite preacher. goes forward with his speech, delighti them with surprise to find how muc better is their position than they thought when it was recommended or extolled so acrimonious to-night as sometimes. Still, as usual, his speech chiefly directed to his former Brethren who sit attentive, thinking occasionally with regret of the fatal shallowness of the pit, and the absence of arrangement for hermetically ising to take part in resumed Debate | Pretty to watch them as CaamsBertary | Local from their own side. JosxPH not nearly | | sealing it. If only—— But that is another story. Courter at | end of Bench is thinking of still another, which has the rare charm | | of being true. It befel at a quiet dinner where Joseru, finding him- | = = ontorey we - of Committees, — ity of rebuking him for his alleged laxity in repressing di er. sab iol like to know,” he asked, a whether, su ing I were to fire a pistol across the House, you would call it a breach of order.” “IT don’t think, Coameertary,” said Prince AnrTavr, who was sitting at the other side of the table, ** that if you were going to fire a pistol in the Commons, you would point it across the House.” Tim Heaty just back from Dublin, where he’s been appearing in his favourite character of pacificator; followed CoHamBER- LArN, and later came Saunperson. But even he suffered from prevailing tone of dulness, and Witrrr Lawson, fast asleep in the corner by Cross Benches, did not miss pmuch. Business done. — More on Local Government Bill. . Tuesday.—lf anyone locking on at House of Commons at three o’clock this afternoon had predicted that within an hour it would |be teeming with life, brimming over with human interest, he would have upon with cold suspicion. Notaw had taken the tloor, and was to be oupee- ing his deliberate opinion on merits of [rish Government Bill. He was certainly saying ing, but what it might be no man could tell. Lyrow PLarrare, who is u in all kinds of statistics, tells me 120 | per minute is the average utterance of ar- ticulate speech. Notaw was doing his 300, and sometimes exceeded that rate. Not a comma in a column of it. Ah ing-top |on the subject would have been precisely as instructive and convincing. Members sat there fascinated by the per- ‘formance. It was not delivered in a The Fighting Colonel. — a a po 4

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Jone 4, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAR). = , y 4 MMAAAL#S et ee ed 4 eee ee ET ee THE GLADSTONIAN BAGMAN. (I regard myself as 2 commercial traveller.""\—Spach ty Sir William Harcourt at Bristol, May 11, 1892.) ———EE —_—— $$$ _ — —

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| sentence nine hundred words long worked off | ten minutes not a seat vacant on floor ; | once or twice in Session. 276 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ——. [June 4, 18992, monotone, in which case one could have slept. Notan was evidently arguing in incisive manner, shirking no obstacle, avoiding no point in the Bill, or any hit made by previous speaker. His voice rose and fell with con- vineing modulation. He seemed to be always drog ing into an aside, which led him into anot that opened a sort of Clapham ee of converging points. One after the other, the Colonel, with full steam up, ran along ; when he reached terminus of siding, racing back at sixty miles an hour ; and so up and down another. Only guessed this from modulation of his voice and the in- telligent nodding of the head with which he compelled the attention of AtTTronnry- Guwmnat for Ixetanp. For just over half an hour he kept up this pace, and, saving a trot for the avenue, fell back into his seat gasping for breath, having concluded a | in three minutes by the astonished clock. An interval of T. W. Rossetz, with one of his adroitly - argued, lucidly - arranged speeches. Then Mr. G. and transformation scene. House filled up as if by magic. In Mem- bers running into Side wey i nimbly hop- ping over Benches, to get on front line so as to watch as well as hear the last and the greatest of the old Parliamentarians. As suddenly and swiftly as the House had filled, the limp lay figure of the Debate throbbed Old Buffer. Feeeeorer SICKENING OVERHEARD AT EARL’S COURT. “Ucn! AWAY From THOsE BLANK CARTRIDGES aGalIn !” Broncho. *‘Yus, You Bsr! I’M TIRED TO DEATH OF BEING Huntrep! Buxssep ir I ‘Lu rvy Awp L've MADE UP MY MIND To Quit Bucgrxe. It's HAVING TO pO IT FRoM YEAR'S END To YEAR’s EXD!” with life. Soene of the kind witnessed only Six hundred pair “of eves all turned eagerly upon figure standing at Table, denouncing with upli arm, and voic ringing with indignation, the iniquities of the Marxss, | safely absent, and of his nephew, Prince ee serenely present. ip AFrest epee ; an achievement which, if it s reputation. “And Division announ re pam of 4 iniquitous Government run up to ocpene delighted to hear interesting news from 27, an heir to the Spencer dom, and has spread a feel- ing of joy a! Fe t out thorpe = Mid-} ~~ latest news, brought Pe just now by Mansonrpanas, is “Roney is doing as well as can be e sf done.—Irish Local Govern- —_ Bill read Second — y 339 votes against 24 Wednesday. — "Fiail Sir Hewry Wicer, Bart, M.P. ; B.B.K., as Axricr Orton called himself when resident in the wilds of Australia, and | explained that the style im- ported Baronet of the British | Kingdom. Now we know what was the meaning of that foray upon the House the other day, when, with the Chairman in the Chair, and Committee fully constituted, the waggish Wiecrw walked — the House, with his hat cocked on one side of his head, in defiance of Parliamentary etiquette. The Birthday Gazette was even then bei drafted, and to-day the wanton Wicory is Sir Heyer, Baronet the United Kingdom. Not a more lar announcement in the list. An honest, kindly, shrewd Wieern it is, with a face whose genial smile all people, warming under it, instinctively return. Business done.—W teers made B.B.K. Thursday.—Quite a long time reaching Vote on Account ; hours taken for discussion of Birmingham Water Bill yon in Radical camp much exercised about size of fish in streams annexed for purposes of Birmingham water supply. CHAMBrRLADY, who has charge of Bill, says he never caught one longer than two inches. DILLwrw protests that fishing in same waters he rarely caught one - ss than a pone weight. Evidently a mistake somewhere. House le aot. ally passed Bill through Committee en Rev. Sam Surra wants to know more about Pol Labour Traffic. The Nowtz Barow who has charge of “> we , it was found that | St. James’s Place, vey oh affairs i in Oommeens, whilst ceateovertiog all his statements, sa * everyone st admit that the Hon. Member has s ea his heart. © Which, ” Novar says, ‘it reminds me of sume’er the failings on his part, Remember, reader, he were that good in his hart.’ ” At length in Cgamities of f Supply: Vote on Account moved his feet aa R to know you know; doesn’t once mention the Dissolution ; but puts it to Prince Ar- THUR W er, really, the time hasn’t come whea Fe eo a some- ng with respect to inten- tions of Government touch- ing finance, their principal Bills, and, in short, “‘ so far foreshadov the probable termination of the Session?” Wouldn’t on any account hurry him ; any day he = | hi istory, *“ Mr. me py says, * | fully.” will do ; only ce omen ce rince ARTHUR, ——~ a MG's in s kind wa ing it, ill tell thing; e he will with his view A ire wi us some e Will sa pretty ‘of by-play ; excellently done by both lecelan Geutismen perfectly understood by laughing House. — of Dissolution gathering close. . riday.—I_ see Tar Pay, ae tears Ale see journal he mirably edits, reproac use, in this fe. ) ‘is derided cone tho Occasionally when, in a faithfal am A of Parlia- must needs be many admirable q inent, "in "aot he “A been yful prefix Wispnac. If Tar Pay had been content to administer re , it would have = well. But he goes on to diseuss Sexton's parliamentary style, and comes to this conclusion :—‘‘ Mr. Sextow’s one fault as a aces is that he does not ion his observations —— Re Anglice : mentary events, Sexton's part in the noticed, it is gent a, io ties terseness of sometimes alluded to ee x stages in his s s; and that on sometimes has of tempting him to overaabortion.” Tf If Tay Pay likes fort ‘it dell dn avait Only, space in this journal being more is said in « single word. thi Denice dona Seuall Haldiars Bill seat ee to the Lavds, —" o woriox — — Bejoctad Communistions or Gueeten, whether MS., he wt Matter, there wil! be no exveption. ate: by « wil rule Dddsehesd Eavtlepe, Cover, ot Cover, oz ‘wniee. te this a i Vy kbs {Ky PREP ou HHL Whisky bor

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON OHARIVARL—Jows 4, 1892. | hana RACE A BATTLE, NOT A VICTORY. ’ are immediately introduced by the unscrupulous, who, in copying the original closely enough to deceive King I ars Re REPARED ONLY AT ENO'S _ FRUIT SALT ” WORKS, LONDON, S.E. IN THE RAGE OF THIS LIFE, eS SALT’ cerebral activity, sleeplessness, irritability, worry, &c. ar — MY HOUSEHOLD GOD; ABROAD, MY a ] MECUM. aa Sie aA, La A sf ehinony neo ava) ® f a teateh nest , the T Gaping Se cameras Ghat, when taking i, 1 grocer Se yor chery rey han ei pai Rehan! hamenfagun | Bo Igived ollowing advice to these wise persons who have erudes evn the sediment that Wil always main at “ When ‘ENO’S SALT’ betimes you take, the pe ee eee gs | OF iki th this the ae he adds :—"* Dean G18,~—A two ego I vy recognition of the never-failing virtues mt bm phen Paes adi Hpi pd og Ft dd bmp oy ey | —— pm ” © When tliaainnaiieetmanenn, Eno’s ‘FRUIT SALT’ will prove our stay, Shall steal our pleasures too, | And still our health renew.” EUROPE, ASIA, AFRICA, AUSTRALIA, Py T Please seed the balf-e-dozen ‘8 TFRs a SARL a SS ey éman THE SECRET OF SUCCESS. STERLING HONESTY OF PURPOSE. WITHOUT IT LIFE 18 A SHAM! “ A new invention is brought before the public, and commands success. A score of abominable imitations the public, and yet not so exactly as to infringe upon legal rights, exercise an ingenuity that, employed in an original channel, could not fail to secure reputation and profit.”—ADAMS., CADEION —Beemtes cnsh totth, and om ¢ that the Capsule is marked ENO’S “ FRUIT SALT” Without it, you have begh imposed on by worthless imitation. SOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS. CURIOUS OLD asa CMG Mogg tv jo tad 60/- 72 WOREL BROS. CogBETT 7 SON 210, PICCADILLY; 18 & 19, PALL MALL; 143, REGENT ST. Whisky Bonded Stores /nverness, N.B. ° E ~ Aenean |E P PS’ S FRERES’ |] 2st boy 2 DAMP WALLS. FIRST QUALITY BO a — S BAKING | Py ZL dey Tor DIABETES, O0US, @ EIDHEY COMPLAINTS. | waMOUS OLD SCOTCH. “Certainly seems to deserve its name."—Lax crt. i ree pt USED IN THE P 6. CARRIAGE PAID. >. Brandy. GEO, BACK & CO., ALL WINE MERCHANTS AND Qnoczns. AT EVERY BAR AND RESTAURANT. “DINNEFOROS, MAGNESIA. COCO. A MEARTEURN, — BOILING WATER OR MILK. done, laste for ever. bar ae abt || Wecnmesteom, 4 some,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Jows 4, 1892. Nea Rea Vinolia Soap —F The only Toilet Soap up to date. § \ Has the largest sale in the World. The only soap endorsed by the Medical Profession at home and abroad. —— ASPREY TRAVELLING oF TEE BEST QUALITY, 8 ACs Wirs Sirver Firrixes. ' £77 0 to £250. BEST. BLACK INK KNOWN. DRAPER'S INK (DICHROIC). Of all Stationers. PUBLISHED every SATURDAY. - “ n : The World says :—* Anyone who wants s dressing-bag turns y to Asrner's in LONDON DEPOT: Bond Street, and there one may be sure of seeing all the new im " HAYDEN & CO., 10, Warwick Square, E.C. | Manufacturers, BEWLEY & DRAPER, Ltd., Dublis. ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUES FREE. 22, ALBEMARLE STREET. —— 7 a sat EIS ase pr G eer: m4 COMPANY'S o4., 1/6 and 5/., Post Free. Prom WORKS, LONDON, 8.4. USED IN THE ROYAL NURSERIES. "ee . . E we THE al mold only im l-ounce Packets, and 2, 4, # ownce, ana |-Ib. Tins, watch keep the Tobaceo im fine amoking condition. Ask at all Tobacco Sellers’, Stores, &c., and take no other. | SMOKERS ARE CAUTIONED AGAINST IMITATIONS. e- Tho Genuine bears the Trade-Mark, “ Mottingham Castle,” os every Packet and Tis. FOR PLAYER'S HAVY CUT CICARETTES, is Packets containing 12, and Boxes of 24. The following extract from the “ Review or Reviews,” Nov, 1800, is of interest to every Smoker: THE PIPE IN THE WORKHOUSE —The picture drawn by our Helper of the poor old man in the * rhhouse, puffing away et an empty pipe, bas touched the hearts of some of our correspondents. One + ho dates from the High Alps, and signs himself “ Old Screw,” says: “ I have been struck with your sug- | s gvstion im the October pumber of the Review or Reviews for a scheme to supply smokers im union work- | ' a | Bev ee . » In Tims, 1s., 2s. Se, amd 10s. each. sympathies of a hardened and emcher, Wore for the fuad, and levy contributions for it on my mi SAVORY & MOORE, onoon, ommpels me to be a wanderer rouné the Contépent for the | AND SOLD EVERYWHERE. é , : | i | 5 and would like to coptribute 6 * PLAYER'S NAVY CUT’ (this is not - 1 nated Stuart of No. 0, Loraine . Hollow Parish of St. . Islington Ufbees raj bury, Co., Limite, Hnatet \7 “Shard bisect, in the Frvcloct of Whstaisiamn, tb the Coty of Lanham, ana pubanes Wy ham ct Ke. thy Piess tbeek, wo the Pasha of 6c. Basan, Gay of 1 cock, Fase te