Punch 1892-04-02: Vol 102 Iss 2647

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Books newly or recently published, and on sale at all the Booksellers. MR. PUNCH’S | MR. ROMFORD'S HOUNDS | “ASK MAMMA,” | SPONGE’S SPORTING TOUR ‘ 5 | YOUNG RECITER “Zorrocks” Evition. |“ ZJorrochs” Edition. “Jorrocks” Cvition. by the Author of “ Vice Versa.” Itustrated. Price 6/-. IUustrated. 6/-. Itustrated, Price 6/~ [lustrated. Price 3/6. BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., Lrup., 8 9, 10, BOUVERIE STREET, LONDON, E.C

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ARR FON S| FRY’S concextraren COCOA 57 PRIZE MEDALS AWARDED. Sspwcred ai the Genera: ’ost Vitice as a Newspaper.)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Aram 2, 1892. MUDIE’S SELECT LIBRARY. Por the Comewterter and oo = on Recendnand of fieh, French. taiian, L. ten hooks Sebecriptions opened at any date FROM ONE GUINEA PER ANNUM A sts and Proapertases Postage Free Mudie’s Select Library (Limd.), NEW OXFORD STRERT Branch Offices 4, Krompton Koad, 8 W , and 1, King Street, | beapede MISG FPRADDONS LATEST WOYV Cheap Edition, ts Cloth, & 44 Autographic GERARD. or, THE WORLD, THE FLESH. AND THE DEVIL. A Nowe, ty the Author of * Vinen,”“ Lady Audiey's Seoret,”” ae _Tanéen CINPEIN ¢ & oo. } 60, ls purren THE ENGLISH ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE Por APRIL. 1601, Price Sixpence, contains— 1. General Lord Roberts, GC.B, GCLE, VC bron tiapioce & Leré Roberts of Kandahar, V.C..6.0.8.,6C01E Archibaid Forbes 3 Te « New Sundial § Visiet Pane aa Bampiitve Bee Rose GO. Kingsley. Milas by Alfred Parsons RA Deplerante me Chaps. 1—ITl. (To be atineed BR. Norris. Dlestrated by L Teel te Br -&, Some Singers of the Day With Ten Portraits 7. Cocoe. Joseph Matton Margetern A hay | Here Arthur lee Knight. Illustrated J. Stantland, hI ” ‘test Round Swindon Works. A. H. Malan Tilastrated from photographs by the Writer Derothy Jordaa With Portrait of Mra. Jordan as mughing Joseph Bennett Idustrated by W. J. Pitagerald Molle * The — Homeless at Night. Leonard Nobie l[llustrated by 8. Cowell MACMILLAN @ ©O., LONDON No. @. APRIL i 1. Day Ovein; oy F. mates ¢ sword. Chapters | & Village ate by the Rev. T. L. Pa n & Horace 4 Mrs Driffield; « Sketch. 6 The Pootstep of Death. 6 Bampton Court A Pile A | the Sparrow; YY the Author of m_otaM nd Pa 6 Lera ene by Henry James. Part I %. The Stranger in the moana MACMILLAN & ©0., LONDON IPS are invited to write at « HENRY. PEASE & C0.'S ‘SUCCRS., THE MILLS, DARLINGTON, ATTERNS OF THEIR SPRING DRESS FABRICS. 8 oF ” To any Ano “iar ‘Lewita ot az ‘ur PRicts. 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TE Arar. 2, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 157 — | «*T[§ MERRY IN HALL.” “ Waat’s in an ‘at without an ‘ed ?” DistarFina DE COCKAIGNE was wont to in- uire, and “ what's an all” (of Music like the Leadca Pavilion) “‘ without a Nep” in the shape of Mr. Epwanp Swawponoven, the ot knowing yet ever-green Acting Manager at this place of entertainment, who the secret of perpetual youth in all the glory of ever-resplen- dent hat : ever-dazzling shirt-front, ushers us into the Stalls in time to pour Oe best part of an ex- cellent all-round show. It is sad to think that, probabl were disputing with the cab- man, the cele- brated Miss Boom - Tz - R£ - 8a, alias Lorrre Cottins, Serio- Comic Dancer, was ES ing” and “‘teraying” be- fore the eyes of a delighted. audi- ence. Strange we not yet have But as she is not “ Knock’d em!” heard the great origi (so to adapt a line from the “‘ Last Rose of Summer"’) “left booming alone,” we have not escaped heatany several of her male and female imitators who, by her kind permission and that of her —— trade on her pre- sent cnoptenes success. However, when we entered the Stalls, Miss Boom-Te-rf-sa had disappeared, and somebody with a song had “intervened”—a mode of proceeding not | necessarily limited to the Queen’s Proctor— | before the object of our visit walked on to the | stage, and when wap wy gh ag he | he was too, seeing that it was Mr. ALBERT | Coevatrer, the unequalled and inimitable | Comedian of the epee ne He is a thorough artist in ne ee r line, and no indifferent one in ers; but his Coster — are Rey first ag The fashion 0 ing singers talian names is on the wane, otherwise Mr. ALBERT CHEV- ALTER, of French extraction, would find an excellent Italian alias, closely associated with mas tpprepriots te the line be kas Sbtaenl, most appropriate to the li e in the name of ‘ Stenor Costa.” The melody of Mr. Cuevatrer’s ‘* Coster’s Serenade,” of which, I ratherthink, heis the composer as well as librettist, is as ing as it is strikingly original. After the Cher wn ees sppreche had retired, clever ightly iss JENNY HILL gave as a taste of | house- keeperism, = megpene | whom came | Two Macs belabouring other in their old hopelessly idiotic, but always utterly irre- sistible style ; and then Lieutenant W. | —King Couz we “ cro him ah om ven . uial —_ i ment " 1s troop o! i his address at"Dollis Hill ‘Thee turns” yet to fi comparatively early hour; “ and so,” to quote old Pers, ‘* home with much content.” “TO HAVE AND TO HOLD.” Bie p is .. : ” Won't eure * Saul Savings? ty Small Hold. as we|*® and}. THE MARVELS OF MODERN SCIENCE. Sczexe—Interwor of Small Box containing telephone with book of addresses. Enter hurriedly Impatient Subscriber. Impatient Subscriber (turning over leave % idress-book). Of course I can't find it h! here it is! 142086. (Rings bell of tele- hone, and listens with receivers to his ear.) — I have forgotten it! (Puts back re- ceivers on rests, and refers again to book. Telephone bell — > answer. He hurries back and calls. hundred and forty-two nought eighty-six. First Voice (from telephone). One hun- dred and forty-two ? Imp. Sub. Yes, and nought eighty-six. First Voice. Which do you want? Imp. Sub. Why, . First Voice. You can’t. Must have one at time. Imp. Sub. It’s only one. One four two nought eight six. First Voice. One four two nought eight six? Imp. Sub. Yes, please. One four two nought eight six. : First Voice. 7 well, Why didn’t you give the number before ? ; Imp. Sub. (angrily). Well, I have given (He listens intently, exclaiming now in, “Are you there?” and then One four two nought eight six, First Voice (after a pause). What! R Imp. Sub. One four two nought eight six, First Voice (as if the number ws now heard : Sor the first time). One four two nought eight six ? Imp. Sub. Yes, please. And look First Voice. What? ton toncks eight cin, nought eight ‘six, First Voice. Thear. One four two nought eight six. /, (The communication y is cut o for a the you Paes 7) pope mp. ° or sixth’ time). = there ? Second Voice. Yes. Whois it? Imp. Sub. I am Bosn, Boopre & Co. Second Voice. Rusu, RuppiE & Co. ? Imp. Sub. No. Bosn, Booptz & Co, ) GA neds cil pea ing. I le . NO, no—we are . want te know #2 you have sent case of to Bumsieton ? Second Voice. What? I can’t hear you. — you—sent— —to Bum—sBiE—ron ? Second Voice (puzzled). Sent a case of pagne ? c First Voice (interposing). finished ? , , Imp. Sub. No, we are still speaking. Yes —have you sent a case of champagne to Bums.eton ? Second Voice. Sent a case of champagne to Bomsteron? No; why should wef Imp. Sub, Because you promised TICKLEBY ‘ou would. . Second Voice (evidently perplexed). Pro- mised TickLzsy ? Imp. Sub. (in a tone of reproach). Yes, TICKLEBY. Have you First Voice (intérposing). Have you finished ? eee are alll equabing ; pleas 1 don’t cut = (Returning to the cham- pagne , you promised Ticxixsy ou A. phy Y ease of cham te UmBLeTON. (With inspiration.) You the Arctic Wine Company, aren't you ? Second Voice. No. 1 am of the Curate’s Papier Maché Church Company. Imp. Sub. (in a tone of cme, Hoult | you one four two ht t six ? Third Vos ~~ j Voice (coming frem somewhere). aioe cad Sing 4.9m 3 you, and——. Second Voice. No. We two four eight nought six seven. Good morning! ies a ee yn finiabed : mp. . (a . ve not ~ You bave put hang ay 4 wrong number ay Voice (calmly), What number do you want ! _ Imp. Sub. (angrily). One four two nought eight six. , Firat Voice, Two four two nought eight six Imp. Sub. (with suppressed rage). No, one four two nought eight six. First Voice. Very well. nought eight six. Imp. Sub, Yes, and don’t make a mistake. [Long pause, during which he asks, ‘ Are you there?” at intervals. Fourth Voice. What is it ? Imp. Sub. Are you Arctic Wine Company ? Fourth Voice. Yes, all right! What is it ? Imp. Sub. (joyfully). Have you sent a case of champagne to BumBLETON ? Fourth Voice. What? 1 can’t hear you. First Voice, (interposing), Have you finished ? Imp. Sub, No, we are still speaking. Have you sent a case of champagne to BumBLETon ? Fourth Voice. We can't hear you. Send a messenger. Imp. Sub: (shoutingh Veet (2 mp. . (s ing). Yes! (Is cut off.) Shorter to have done so at once ! a Uses intemperate la ¢, and hurries o C to geta beoonguit’” Careale, Sete One four two THE CHURLISH CABMAN. Atn—"' Ballyhooley.”’ Tae Cabman’s thrifty fares. Who would ys subur- airs, Desire, of course, a more extended B ‘ Capes, it ut, ’ is clear, Thinks quit otherwise. Chorus. TT en bru ; When bo cand: o fave, he's and unruly ; ; But if he wants a drink, | With a sneer or with a wink, He’ll rumble on and just ignore you coolly. Vou. CII. Imp. Sub. Pr

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158 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Aram 2, 1892, | i a f f | ‘ DESTROYING THE MONEY-LENDER'S WEB; OR, THE THIRTEENTH LABOUR OF HERSCHELLES. — eas

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[ ara. 9, 1898) Bas. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL aA “rr ii oH 4 / yy se: . MW — ee oO. eee we on ee - ee ’ Lady Di. (who Me vee ag Mr. Spavin ?” Lady Di. “Wart "Do YOU MEAN TO Spavin. ‘‘By wo MEANS, My Lapy. a yy RATHER SMART ALL ROUND. a Horse with a view to purchase). ‘‘ AND DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT HE'S QUITE UP TO mY WeElouT, e ~- my Lapy, HE'D canny Two or you!” SAY THAT I’m ONLY HALF A Honszwoman tt” BUT ANOTHER LIKE YOUR LADYSHIP WOULD LOOK 80 WELL ON THE OTHER SIDE!” HOW TO REPORT THE PRACTICE OF THE CREWS. (Newest Style.) Scarncety had the tintinabulum fixed on the altitude of the clock tower of the eccle- siastical building known bd a fame and rowing men as Putney Church sounded = & merry chimes of den in the fore the wielders of the — (or dark-blue) blades were observed by the eager frequenters of the tow-path carrying their trim-built ship to the water's ot many moments were cut to waste before each man safely enscon himself on the thwart built for Shim under the experienced eyes of the champion boat- builder. The men look it must in all fairness be admitted, in the high level of condition. In each eye there blazed a stern determination to do or die on every possible occasion. When the signal to start was given, the boat was observed to ya “ the | bounding speed of a hig hound. The oars dipped cae ito the wer Ls B one man, though a Lt inclination was | Of H ydre presence and Btym observed on the part of two or three of tow f oarsmen to “‘hurry,” while the rest seemed ‘nly to be “late.” A few) fatherly words from the prince of modern coaches soon had the effect of matters on a more completely sa’ | footing. The ion often made in these columns that a swifter aaieed striking should | be rod ith te = acted upon pon he boat Pluvius proved once again to be a kind | on time our homes hath haunted, Greed friend to those who tempted the angers of | As furtive ct advance ce Sores of cou, (Ghoul, the foaming tide in Putney Reach. In con- | The po ye pm Spider ye it must be observed that the stroke | And gri gruesome was 1s his little game, sometimes ‘“‘short” and occasionally | Of seein body, of protuberant beak, “long, ” but the “ slides”’ moved like things He knew that Youths were green, and of life, = contaleee greatly to the ‘ Ao wok se pleasure of a very enjoyable ou nd spun his web, invisi ut strong, a Sos _ hoter —ennt 8 well-named “ little triflers” DESTROYING THE SPIDER'S WEB; Who, 7 ral) unmindfel of their doom, Or, The Thirteenth Labour of Herschelles, | He watched from forth his grubby haunts of gloo: | “To Lion-Hearted a eaten, the strong, ante ae by sinister device to lure, Sounded the ic song. EE, “sates bio viesone mason ence coeuse, ** Aleides, ecaatcilest of all the brood — he might seize and suck Of men enforced with need of earthly food.” The Birds, the Boar, Punch willsing gallant Herschelles,than whom | ‘The Lion, or the Bull, om whom before Who was more Alemene’s womb | Great Herschelles had tackled, were not worse Or Jovian Behold him stand | Than the Colossal Albion’s curse, With lion-bide om loins, and clab in hand! | The scourge of Wealth and youthful But fatal most and formidable to all foes, " most especially to The Moloch of our Minors! ie vtlian beak, Whos uarry is unseasoned youth, who seek snares the Infant's steps to trip, And catch the Minor in their harpy ip To ~ Twelve Labours, against monsters Who Senight have lived in safety but for him, To snare, to slay, to humbug, and to cozen, Herschelles, just to make a s dozen, Adds a Thirteenth ! A wily, wicked wight, Dwelling in noxious nooks as as night, Berend the zadine of tho Rensemadt’s Ives dispensing dire And thence disgrace and doom Worse than Tarantula venom i Of this Conkiferous Ogre, which to fight Bowens did adventure! Thump! Bang! The web is burst, the Syider ’s on his back, ry Blow nfants, blow th the pipe, a ote the tabor, In honour of the hero’s Thirteenth Labour!

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160 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIL. a [Apri 2, 1899,

CONFESSIONS OF A DUFFER. VIL—THE DUFFER WITH A SALMON-ROD. No pursuit is more sedentary, if one may talk of a seden’ pursuit. and none more to my taste, than trout-fishing as =| in the South of England. Given fine weather, and a good novel, nothing can be more soothing than to sit on a convenient stump, | under a willow, and watch the placid kine See & the water, while the brook murmurs on, an perhaps the kingfi flits to fro. Here you sit and fleet the time carelessly till a trout rises. Then, ind duty demands that you shall crawl in the manner of noticing it, as to lose most the serpent till you come within reach of him, and cast a fly, which i usually makes him post his dinner-hour. But he will come on i ain, there is no need tor cha ways fill your basket easily—with irises - Such are our county contents, but woe befall the day when I took to salmon-fishing. outfit is expensive, ‘‘ half-crown flees” soon mount up, especially if you never go out without losing your fly- book. gh buy a light rod, say of fourteen feet, the chances are that it will not cover the water, and fisherman the strength of a San- pow. You need wading-breeches, which come up nearly to the neck, > and weigh a couple of stone. The question has been raised, can one swim in them, in case of an acci- big hole in the coat, and cast Where is the fy- the fly-book follo a longer rod requires in the — ——_— dent? For one, I can answer, he can’t. The reel is about the size of a butter-keg, the line measures hundreds of yards, and the place where you fish for salmon is begi . Covered with furs, in Febru they sit in stern of a boat, and are pulled in a funereal manner up and down Loch Tay, while the rods fish for themselves. The angler’s only business is to pick them up if a salmon bites, and when this has on for a few days, with no bite, Influenza, ora frost with curling, would be rather a relief. This kind of thi is not really angling, and a Duffer is as good at it as an expert. Real difficulties and sufferi begin when you reach the Cruach- na-spiel-bo, which sounds like Gaelic, and will serve us as a name ote dee FL y you pay a large rent for the right to gaze at and ing floods. a series ’ t wishly of water, murmuring pee y through a drought. But suppose, for the sake of argument, that the water is “in order,” and only running with deep brown swirls at some thirty miles an hour. Sup- pose also, alarge presumption, that the Duffer does not leave any in- . , dispensable of his equipment “! wade in as far as I can, and make a tremendous swipe with the rod.” r Rome. He arrives athe strum, and he pet ap hte ean again Y contem pt for T is familiarity, he puts up hi ects again and jumps, a casting line, knots on the kind of fly which is locally recommended, | thing a It is the and into the water. Oh, how cold it is! I begin casting at the | start with. He fi top of stream, and step from a big boulder into a hole. stumble, violent bob forwards, recovery, trip up, and here one is in | & jitting position in the bed of the stream. ' fly float do wor it scientifically. No res better look at the fly. Just my luck, I have crack: i book ? Where indeed ing over rose. ou to change your position, and you can least I think it must have been at and marsh igolds. wave bowed over it like a hill,” but five minutes law, the hook is sure to be well fastened on, need not bother looking at that again. Five minutes take a long time in passing, when you are giving a salmon a rest. Good times and bad

— It is off at last. I cut the hook out with a knife making g in, That was over him! I let the se. Perhaps it off! P PA feverish search for we—no use: it is not in the basket, it is not in my et ; must have fallen out when I fell into the river. No good in ing for it, the water is too thick, I thought I heard a splash, Luckily there are some flies in my cap, it looks knowing flies s cap, and it is not so easy to lose a cap, without to have tor that Here is a big Silver begin again cast- put one on, and By George, there he came at me, at yn great dark swirl, “the purple never touched me. Give him It is correct to begin a good I’m past him; no, there is a a drag under water, | get point up, he is off like a a holding a rather stupid atti 3 ing on. If cannot get out and run down the bank, he has me at his mercy. I do stagger out, somehow, falling of the water. It won't come, he is here still, he has only doubled back. Hooray! Nothing s0 nice as being all p Ae when you hook asalmon. No gillie to contradictory orders. He is taking it very easy, but suddenly he moves out a few yards, and begins Jigeoring t is, gi & series of short hea tugs. ey say far ah ete jiggers. unplea- santly in my hands, I wut se? do —_ It is very dis- agreeable and makes me very nervous. ye is off agai up-stream, mad : he gets into the thin water at the , and jumps high in the air. He is a monster. Hullo! what ’s that splash ? The reel has fallen off, it was always loose, ana Pas got into the water. How i at the line to bring up the reel, but the reel only lets the line out, and now he is off again, down stream this time, and | after him, and the line running | out at both ends at once, and now t entangled in it, it is twisted all round me. He runs e line comes back in my face, all slack, some- hook, it was not knotted on firmly to himself out of the water once more to be sure , | that he is free, and [ sit down and gnaw the it is just my luck! However, the high | I go back to the place where the ree stream. reel, Had ever any- l fell in, and by pulling It shan’t come of in; india - ru) breeks have kept the water out, except about a| cautiously I extract it from al pailful, which gradually illustrates the equilibrium of fitids in the | Ite it on with the loathes lacs of reno oy tee Then I reel soles of one’s st However, I am on my feet again, and | u the and put on another fly, out of my cap, a Popham. walking more rly, aoe & the spectator, my movements | Then I fish down the rest of the pool. Near the edge, in the slower suggest partial intoxication. t is because the bed of the stream | part of the water, there is a long slow draw, before I can lift the is full of boulders, which one cannot see, owing to the darkness of | poi j high out of the water at me,—and is in my mouth. — = the rod. A frantic of rod! Iam caught up in root of i ; } . the bank at my back. @ pine-tree, high up on <i nant ctowems fe very dong, No use in the language of imprecation. 1 | is close to work again, more cautiously. caught in my coat, between my shoulders. some wrong, ‘ must get the coat off is very swift » Bot ap easy thing to do, on account of my india-rubber wall of rock difficul a . in on my side. Jove, here waddie out, climb the bank, extricate the fly, get out a oy be Lwed ba rock. He sails =. ¢ out inte wee oage D, } ct sianage him, n

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Apait 2, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. He insists on going down, I hold hard on him, and refuse line. But he leaps, and well he will have it ; down : he rushes, I after him, over the stones, scrambling along ; NS SSO ~ we \ yy the rocky face; great heavens! the top joint of the rod uw NS Ros loose; 1 did not tie it on, thought it would hold well . : enough. But down it runs, right down the line; it must N | be touching the fish. It is ; he does not like it, he jiggers like a mad thing, rushes across the Big Pool, nearly on to the opposite . _Why won't the line run? e line is entangled in my boot-lace. He is careering about ; | feel that I am trembling like a leaf. There, I knew it would happen ; he is off with my last ing-line, hook and all. A beauty he was, clear as silver fresh from | the sea. Well, there is nothing for it but a walk back to | the house. I have lost one fly-book, two hooks, a couple ‘of casting-lines, three salmon, a top joint, and I have | torn a great hole in my coat. On my dress | before lunch, I find my fly-book in my breast pocket, where I had not thought of looking for it somehow. Then the rain comes, and there is not another fishing day in my fortnight. Still, it decidedly was ‘‘ one crowded hour of | glorious life,” while it lasted. The other men caught | four or five salmon apiece ; it is their Red Letter Day. | It is marked in black in my calendar. \ is pail! a / ee TOOTING. | | (“It is a noteworthy fact that while debates have been | languishing at Westminster, at Tooting there have been Mem- | bers enough to ‘make a House’ any day during the past fort- night, so keen an interest is the ‘Royal and Ancient’ game exciting.”’"—Daily Telegraph.) Wuat’s the use of hoot-| Where ’s the fun ing, In that? Let’s run Or dn -coeeaeemanes Off to Golf at Tooting ! -P.’s oF ct on To play at Golf. | So M.P.’s are “‘ scooting, All the way to Tooting ! On-the-gay- ing ; Cut the House Petty points Par’s moot- (It shows their nous) : ing! , For the Links at Tooting ! . oes. aes Chances not computing, oe : — = . M.P. slips, sis | There is joy in shooting, ( - the Whips) | Wine-ing or cherooting, CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS. Off to Golf at Tooting ! Dinners, Moors, W Tommy. ‘‘I HAD svcH A BAD DREAM LAST NIGHT, GranpPaPa!” : eeds—ali are bores, | Landlords may be looting, | Compared with Golf at Toot-| The Admiral. ‘‘ Tei, rr ue, Tommy.” | Tenants may be shooting; | ing! Tommy. ‘‘On xo! It wovLD ONLY FRIGHTEN You As IT FRIGHTENED Mx!” os | “ 7 e vast crowd of “with wealthy and influential | BEYOND THE DREAMS OF AVARICE.” | PEE OTT pected Uhl agen etovehs Be teol tine T wes ox (“Firry Pounps Reward will be gratefully paid to any Lady or Gentle- | hausted, and, finding that the street was even fuller than the station | man who will Assist in Recoverino a valuable Hzrrtoom .... Anyone had been, I gave up the attempt. I saw that the reserve of gold at | with wealthy or influential friends can at once secure above reward. | the Bank of England would not have sufficed to pay each applicant Address, &c.’") | the ised £50. In any case I felt sure that by that time the [ 4M an impecunious young man, and, the other dey, on seeing | whole of the money in the town must have been used up. So, this Advertisement in the Zimes, I was seized with a wild desire to| without hat or umbrella, and with my coat as much divided up the ‘at once secure above reward.” Said I to myself, “‘I have! back as up the front, { returned—to consciousness, and went on wealthy and influential reading the newspaper. friends.’ There - m ——== co ’ nah die demet's. | “THE FORESTERS.” I never saw| Att the greatest swells Hang me if I know any part of it, or of him, | Of the U. 8. A. How you “ blush the news’’! for the matter of that; and | Come to see a new, Anyhow, you do, there is my own aunt by | Fascinatin play. If the lines will scan, m 1 ose second! Verses by a ! ** Till the red man dance,” hus is a K.C.B., but I} Music by a Knight! Do you think he ean ? forget his name, and do not; Just the thing in which ** And the red man’s babe know where he lives.” So Democrats delight. Leap beyond the sea.” I sat and thought about it} When the hearty praise Active sort of child, for a time with my eyes Bursts from Yankee lips, Surely, that must be! shut, and then I started. ** Pass and blush the news ** Blush from West to East,” The train was so full, that Over glowing ships ;”’ Blush from left to right, limagined it must be mar-| What are “ glowing ships” ? * Till the West is East,” ket-day in some neigh- That I’ve never guessed, And the black is white, bouring town, but the! ‘Pass the happy news Datr is the man! station was so much fuller,| Blush it thro’ the West ;” Daily is the play, that 1 could hardly get out This I simply quote ** Dailies” pu . t up, of the train. At last, I reached and hol rom ’ ; I kindest , Ncket-colleetor, and 1 ask him where I should find the addres eerste oned, e tur ; ing i a aa to t crowd that filled the Ds sai ‘wast ns j ie all a-yein’ More Arrrorgiuate. — The Senate House, where the Degree re. I know, cos they ve all arst me. You'd better foller’em.” | Examinations take place, might well be termed ‘The Spinning This statement filled me with desperation ; I fought and struggled | House.” It is there that unfortunate Candidates are “ spun.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI| ———— [Aprm, 2, 1892, |

-_"

~ pil A — | AP ti fy ci ’ Y Ay ft / r/; , Vv j THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT Little Jones. *

; 4 | ¥ UNSAID. _

‘You "Lt orve mE A DANCE TO-MORROW NIGHT, won'’T you, Mrs, Foorr?” Mrs. Foote (who is anxious to show her matronly consideration for Unmarried Girls), ‘‘ WELL I CAN'T PROMISE, AND IF THE MEN RUN SHORT, YOU KNOW, I SHAN’T DANCE AT ALL?”

THE TELEPHONE CINDERELLA: Or, WanNTED A GopMOTHER. [| Far from taking up and developing the new mode of communication thus given into its hands, it (the Post Office) could not forget its attitude of hostility to the innovation, or conceive any larger policy than one of repressing the telephone in oraer to make people stick to the telegraph . . . The re- sult is that England far behind all other civilised countries in the use of the telephone.’’— Times. } Arn—** Ulalume.” CINDERELLA, you sit and look sober, Cinderella, you mope and look queer— You mope, and look dolefully queer ; As chill as Jomw Mrizars’ “‘ October,” As you have done, this many a year.

t is hard on you; Mozart or AUBER Might fail your depression to cheer— Had you en the draught named wf Glauber, You could searce look duller, my dear II. Our times, dear, are truly Titanic, Perfection seems Science’s _— Dim, distant, dark Science's goal— But we’re still a bit given to panic. Monopolies moodily roll— Monopolies restlessly roll— That ’s why there ’s a movement volcanic That stirs us from pole unto pole— A moaning that’s vainly volcanic, In the realms of the Telegraph} pole. Ht ———— ——$<__ Il. Deputations are serious and sober, Officials look palsied and sere— They indulge in rhetoric small-beer | (Instead of sound sparkling October | They ’re frightened about you, my decr— (You, at nt in two senses, dear !) They would scan the far future, and probe her, But can’t—and it makes them feel queer ; As you sit by the fire, looking sober, You make them sit up and feel queer. Iv. Your sisters, whose airs are unpleasant, Regard you with arrogant scorn— With arrogant, scorn— True, they have the for the present, But fear you, the fair youngest born. They know that your glory is crescent, though each uplifteth her horn, Each feels that her ‘plory *s senescent, In spite of their duplicate scorn. vy Miss Telegraph, lifting her finger, Says—** Sadly this minx I mistrust— Her manners [ strangely mistrust— She ’ll distance us, dear, if we linger! Ah, haste !—let us haste !—for we must! She ’ll eclipse us—that would be a stinger ! She’ll rise, and our business is ‘* bust ”— | dear, we must snub her, and bring her resumptuous pride to the dust— Till she sorrowfully sinks in the dust ” VI. Post lies—** Oh, it’s nothing but dreaming, Her hoping to put out owr light !— | _ Our brilliant and duplicate light! | What did Ferevsson say, blandly beaming | Upon the tired House t’other night ? He said Ae would make it all right. | Ah, we safely may trust to his scheming— Be sure he will lead us aright— _ He won’t let the damsel there dreaming Despoil us of what is our right— The monopoly plainly our nght'”, vi. | Yet watch Cinderella, and list her! She yet will emerge from her gloom — | ‘Time will conquer her fears and her gloom. Before her she hath a bright vista.* | The fairy Godmother will come ! | Redtape shall not long seal her doom.

What is written is written! No ‘sister,’ (Though scorning her beauty, and broom Shall shroud her bright light in the tomb | Which yet the whole land shall illume' vill. She’s ‘some pumpkins”— though now she looks sober— ye | She’s brilliant; she is ‘no small beer. No, no, Cinderella, my dear! Your envious “‘ sisters” may jeer, And sit on you yet, for a year; aoe ee sae ny, mer fear, nd Mono ’s patrons look queer ; But, as eeu the month of October Is famous for sound British beer, Vested Interest time shall prove no bar To your final triumph, my dear! * Pox, not Mr. Punch, should have the credit of this and certain other Cockney rhymes.

‘“Howt Sort aur Mat x Pense.”—“ The competition for the Evill Prize also took place esterday” (t.e., last Thursday. Vide Times). The prize so Evilly named was won by Mr. Purr Brozet, of the Royal Acedemy, of Music, who must have expre himse: ‘ being at least deucedly delighted, even : | he did not use some much stronger #n¢ |

| wronger expression. Henceforth Pui? Brozet has an Evill reputation. [et ¥) hope he will live up to it, and so live it down. |

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Aparw. 2, 1892. THE TELEPHONE CINDERELLA; OR, WANTED A GODMOTHER.

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the i a

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span 2, 1892] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 165 MATINEE MANIA. (A Sketch at any Theatre on most afternoons.) Scene— The Front of the House. In the Boxes and Dress-circle are announced, and sit down against the wall, entertaining one another in dumb-show.), Footman (re-entering). ** Bi -dressed stranger, who me be knew you in Norway, nm Ey. my wed. ; requests ** Confusion !—one of my former accompli oes in crime—my guests must not be present at this interview!” friends and relations of the Author. In the Stalls are a couple (To Guests.) ‘ Ladies and Gentlemen, will you step into the ad- of Stray Critics who leave early, actors and actresses “‘ resting, more friends and relations. In the Pit, the front row ws by the Author's domestic servants, the landladies of several of | Th, the ch Sample a a ne gh 0 phe penne or two, ~~ — a sprinkling of the gener ic, whose time apparen n hesvily on their hands. In a Stage-bor is the Author herself, with a sycophantic Companion. A murky gloom Auditorium ; a seratch orchestra is playing a lame and tuneless Schottische for the second time, to com te for a little delay | of fifteen minutes between the first and second Tableauz in the Second Act. The orchestra ceases, and a Checktaker at the Pit | + door whistles “* Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay !"" Some restless spirits | ment, and join the dancers?” (The stamp feebly. The Author. I wish be: Spe be a little quicker. I’ve a good Ais own mind to go behind myse hurry them up. The audience are beginning to get impatient. Her Companion. But that shows how mterested they are, doesn't it, dear ? Author. I think it ought to interest them, but I did ex they would have shown a little more enthusiasm over that situa- tion in the last tableau—they ’re rather a cold audience ! Comp. It’s above their heads, dear, that’s where it is—plays are such rubbish nowadays, peop don’t appreciate a realy great drama just, at first. I do ho Mr. Invine, Mr. Hare and Mr. BeersoumM TREE will come in— I’m sure they ll be only too anrious to secure it ! Author, I don’t know that I should care for it to come out at the Lyceum, but of course if the terms were very —oh, they ’re beginning at last! I hope this light comedy scene will go well. Curtain rises: Comic dialogue —nothing whatever to do with the plot —between a Footman and a Matinée Maidservant in short sleeves, a lace tucker, and a dia- mond necklace; depression of audience. Y characters enter and tell one another long and irrelevant stories, all about nothing. When the auditor re- marks. ** Your story is indeed a sad one—but go on,” a shudder goes through the house, which becomes a groan ten minutes later | when the listener says: ‘** You have told me your history—now joining room for a few minutes, and examine my collection of war- ?” (Guests retire, with amiable anticipations of enjoyment. Stranger enters, and tells another long story.) *‘ 1 smile still,” he concludes—*‘ but even a dead man’s skull will smile. Allow me then the privileges of death!" (At this an irreverent Pittite suddenly guffaws, and the Audience from that moment perceives that the | piece possesses a humorous side. The Stranger goes; the Guests return. Re-enter Footman), ‘Sir, an elderly man, who was quainted with your family years ago, insists on seving you, and take no denial!” Villain (with presence of mind—to Guests.) Ladies and Gentlemen, will you 7 into the neighbouring apart- obey. The Elderly Man denounces Jasper, who mendaciously declares that he is second cousin JosePH ; whereupon the visitor turns down his coat-collar, and takes off a false beard.) ‘* Do you know me now, Jasper Suorrun’?” he cries, “JT am Josern—your second cousin!” ....‘* What, ho, Sir Insolence!” the Villain retorts. ** And so you come to deliver me to Justice?” .. . ‘* Not so,” says Joszrn. “‘Long years ago I swore to my dying Aunt to pro- tect your reputation, even at the expense of my own. I come to warn you that””—-- &o., &o, (The Audience, who are now in excel- lent spirits, receive every incident with uncontrollable merriment tall the end of the Act. Another long wait, enlivened by a piccolo solo.) Author, Lavonia, it's too dis- graceful—it's a deliberate eon- spiracy to turn the piece into ridi- cule, I never thought my own relations would turn me— and yet I might have known! Comp. It wasn’t the play they laughed at, dear—that’s lovely— but it’s so ridiculously acted, you know! ain Author, Of course the acting is abominable—but they might make allowances for that. Iti so un- fair! [The Play proceeds, The Heroine’s a has been ex- cited by the Villain, for vague purposes of his own, and the Hero is trying to disarm her suspicions. She, ‘‘ But why are you constantly going from Paris to London at the beck and call of that man?” He (aside), “If she only knew that I do it to shield my second cousin, JasrEen —but my oath!—I cannot tell hear mine!” He tells it; it “ Sir, a roughly-dressed stranger . . . requests a few words.” her! (Zo her.) The reason is proves, if possible, duller ‘and more irrelevant than the other man’s. A love-scene follows cha- | racterised by all the sparicle and brilliancy of “ Temperance Cham- pagne”’; the House witnesses the fall of the Curtain with apathy.) Author. That love-seene was perfectly ruined by the ! She | ought to have turned her head aside he said, “ | pot!” but she never did, and he left out all that i her when he was ill with measles im Mashonaland! I wish they wouldn’t have such long waits, though. We timed the piece at rehearsal, and, with the cuts I made, it jonly played about four hours; but I’m afraid it will take that to-day. Comp. I don’t care how it is—it’s so beautifully written ! Aw or not till this next Act that I show my full power. (Curtain rises on 4 drawing-room, furnished with worecks from the property- | room—the home of Jasper, the Villain, who ts about to gwe an evening party. Enter a hooded crone. “Sir Jasrxn, I have a secret of importance, which can only be revealed to your private tar: (Shivers of apprehension amongst ’ Sir J. sry y into yonder | _ - “te of re rom spectators. man. ‘Si guests wai Sir J. (with lordly ease). “Bid them enter!” (They troop (n un- very simple, darling—he is my Private Secretary!” (Roars of inertinguishable laughter, drown- ing the Wife's expressions of perfect satiufaction and confidence. The Hero wants to go out; the Wife begs him to slay ; she has a presentiment of evil—a dread of something unseen, unknown.’ He 4: the Villain enters in evening dress.) Villain, ‘* Your husband is false to you. Meet me in half s, and you shall have road ve of i (The Wife departs at once, just as she is, Villain soliloquising. So diabolical schemes an hour at the lonely hut by the . I have got ‘JosErPH out o decoyed bis wife—m early love—to a lonely hut, w oe | my minions p walk to ssine hex, | ow to onmeis tat . Well, I put soul into i know; but it’s! certificate of vaccination whi e put m into it, you ie Met fe to the of , and take my seat in Ha-ha—a good ni . “Notso. I have c., &c.) lain. ** i schemes?” Josep "Armd "I would. My wife and child shall not——” (§¢., ( A . ay Aunt! Ah, no, I cannot, I must not it. JasPxR — { , swore to my Mother, your you break that?” Joseph (overcome). "My

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166 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL et [Apri 2, 1892, Snorrcy, I am powerless—you must do your evil will!” (He sinks on a settee: Triumph of Villain, tableau, and Curtain.) Author. I wouldn't have believed that a modern audience would | treat heroic conduct like that as if it was laughable. make one give up play-writing altogether ! 2 Comp. Oh, 1 wouldn't do that, dear. You mustn't punish Posterity! [The Play goes on and on; the Villain removes incon- reniently repentant tools, and saddles the Hero with his nefarious deeds. The Hero ts arrested, but reappears, at lhberty, in the next Act (about the Ninth), and no reference w er is made to the past. Old serious It’s enough to At the end o comepestos, Satiy a quarter of an hour, the Lady's. maid remarks that “ her Mistress fon cory ill, and must not tall too much.” Cheers from Audience, General Ln, ne om the Villain re. turns a hopeless maniac. Curtain about siz, and calls for Author. Author. Nething will induce me to take a call after the shamef way they’ve behaved! And it’s all the fault of the acting. When we t Demo, I'1l read tho play all through f yen n, and you"! wee | aa it ought to have been done! A hundred twenty pounds ey ty away! [ Retires, eae wy her Companion, and the consciousness that true genius is invariably unappreciated. | characters turn up again, and are welcomed with uproarious delight, ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, March 21.—Uneasy feeling through House to-night consequent on question ne saree Maclywes to Unper-Secretary ror Forerow Arrares. Wants to know “whether his attention has been called to the increase of drinking among Natives in the Coast Towns?” Cavuston icularly de d. ** | sat for Colchester for five years, you know,” he said, “‘and grew into habit of regarding the 4 Natives as my constituents. For five years never swallowed one without thinking I was reducing the number on the Register. Used to excuse myself on the ground that the particular bivalve that had disappeared must have been a Conservative, or it would never have been so stupid as to leave 2 its comfortable bed to embark on such a journey. a ay in the o is now secondary. ey don’t ish in South- wark ; whelks more in our way . Btill one cannot f old associations, and confess I’m rather knocked over to hear this report MacIwwes has brought up. Can’t imagine anything more distressing than the spectacle of a drunken oyster —probably with dis- hevelled beard —coming home late at night and try- ing to get intoanother i shell under impres- sion that he ! “ Sir, am not—” has recognised | his own front door. | Wrerrerm Lawsow about this; get up an Oyster Temperance | Society; fram certificates blue ribbon, and all that. If the thing spreads, we shall have oysters emitting quite a rum-punch flavour when we add the lemon.” Gloom dissipated two hours later by appearance of Bonny Srencee at the Table. Boswy doesn’t often witch the House with oratory. Content with important though to outsiders | obscure ition he occupies in ag administration. is is the hand that pulls the strings to which Liberal Party dance. ScuwapHorsT gets some credit, } but everybody knows Bonsy’s 7 the man. o see these two political strategists in confer- ence is sufficient to reassure the | Liberal Party on the possible 5 issues of the General Election. ScHNaDHORST complains that Boppy has a trick, after ad- dressing him through the ear- © trumpet he (S.) carries in & reminiscence of Josuva Rey- @y soLps, of putting his ear to the trumpet as if he expected the answer to arrive through that medium. “Very VS Ci wmhdlans et | a embarrassing,” Scuxapuonst says, “to havea MR. JOSEPH CHAMBERLAIN ON “ THE HUMOURS OF PARLIAMENT.” sexrson opened fellow first putting his mouth and then his ear to other end of your | trumpet. Sometimes I say to him, sharply, “I don’t speak through, | the trumpet.’ ‘Oh, no, of course not,’ he says, ‘I 1 your yardea, and draws away. Presently he’s back again, politely, as | speak, | applying his ear to the trumpet. But it’s only the absence of mind | arises from preoccupation in matters of “x Bossy, besides being the political director of the strategy of the | Liberal Party, is a County Member. It was in this last capacity he appeared at Table to-night in Debate on Second ing of Holdings Bill. House received with hearty cheer. No one more popular fae pages. , Eee ee te —- ested when, dain’ at abun- dant shirt-cuff, — settling his fair young head more comfortabl So , he precatingly — **Mr. Spzaxer, Sir, I] am not an iqiniies » ron a model of Parliamentary debating, full of point, resting on sound argument, lucidl five minutes. Small Holdings stated, and all over in — done.—Debate on “—an Agricultural Labourer.” Tuesday. — Morning Sitting. | Sexton at th worked of | the speech on Irish Education | Bill, that has hung over House | like cloud since Bill was intro- | duced in earliest days of Ses- | sion. Wasn’t in his place the first night ; so friends and col- }a

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Arait. 2 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE LEADER OF THE HOUSE—<VIDE THE OPPOSITION PRESS).

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| what he used to say on | ran together. Certainly A 168 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Apri 2, 1892, of Conspiracy in admirable speech. Later came Lock woop, speak- Irish Members vociferously cheered when StaxHor® read the pas. ing disrespectfully of “B.” Then Savraz or Matwoon, girding at Soricrron-Generat ; Matriews followed, with plump assertion that Squire had not been talking about the Resolution Finally Caartes Rosset, with demonstration that ‘‘ the Right Hon. Gen- tleman (meaning Matruews) had displayed a complete misconcep- tion of the character and objects of the ution.” Being thus demonstrated upon unimpeachable authority that nobody knew anything about the Resolution, House proceeded to vote upon it. For, 180; against, 226. Ministerialists cheered ; Opposition appa- rently equally delighted. So home ‘to bed, everyone determined first thing in morning get hold of newspaper. and see what the Resolution really was about. Business done.— Miscellaneous. Wednesday.—** 1 wonder,” said Sack or Quexn Aywe’s Gare, curiously regarding CHAMBERLAIN discoursing on Eight Hours Bill, ‘‘ whom Jor meant by his reference at Birmingham on Saturday night to ‘the funny man of the House of Commons,’—‘ A man who has a natural taste for buffoonery, which he has cultivated with great art, who has a hatred of every Government and all kinds of restraint, and especially, of course of the Government that . happens to be in office.’ _— Awa TON] Couldn't be Heweacr, | sarery rene . and I don’t suppose he j LASSES —_ had Jesse in his mind EADS CHEAP at the moment. Pity a man can’t make his points clearly, Jor used to be lucid enough. But he’s falling off now in that as in other mat- ters. Made me rub my eyes when I read his remarks about House of Lords, and remembered subject when he and | CIEE. Jor is a man of cou- rage. There are topics of past speeches. easily without striking. avoid or circumnavi- ong Beh, ate. But he goes’ *: “ : 0 orainht ot "om, sa somebody loveable and good. ther fence or ditch, takes them at a stride of his former | self, splashed with mud in the jump, or smitten with the horse’s | hoof. Makes me quite sentimental when | sit and listen to him, and recall days that are no more. Mrs. Gum thinking of the Old 'Un is nothing to me thinking of the Young Un who came up from Birmingham in 1876, and who from ’80 to 85 walked hand in hand with me. We were patriots .—Ah! placeman and Are the patrons who smile on your labours to-day ; And Lords of the Treasury lustily cheer Whatever you do and whatever you say. Go, pocket, my Joszrm, as much as you will, The times are quite altered we very well know ; But will you not, will you not, talk to us still, As you talked to us once long ago, long ago? We were patriots together !—I know you will think Of the eytler’s caresses, the cotnemete cries, Of the stones that we throw, and the toasts that we drink Of our pamphiets and pledges, our libels and lies ! When the truth shall awake, and the country and town Be heartily weary of Batrour & Co, My Josern, hark back to the Radical frown, Let us be what we were, long ago, long ago!” “Bless me,” I cried, “how beautiful! I didn’t know that, among your many accompli , You were given to dropping ay ut, tut!” said the Sacr, blushing, “it isn’tall my own; written years ago by Mackworrm Prakb, about Jonw Cam Hosmovse- I’ve only brought it up to date.” Business done.—¥Eight Hours’ Bill thrown out on a Division. Thursday.— Private O’Grapy, of the Welsh Fusiliers, the hero of the hour. His annals short and simple. Got up early in the | morning of St. Patrick’s Day; provided himself with handful of shamrock, which he stuck in his glengarry. (Note.—O’Grapy, an Irishman, belongs to a Welsh Regiment, and, to complete the pickle wears a Beotch cap.) The ignorant Saxon officer in comm observing the patriot muster with what he, all unconscious of St. Patrick's Day, thought was “a handful of greens” in his cap, uustructed the non-commissioned to order him to take it out. “I won't do’t,” said Sint ivate O’Grapy, the hot Celtic blood swiftly brought to Boiling pitch by this insult to St. Patrick. | first, but was so excited as to be momentarily “*Sarery Matcugs’ ron Lirz.—The following notice has been issued by the Salvation Army: pleased. he might, with memory ‘Sefety matches are now made by the Social Wing What do we mean? Just this. That if you are un rtner, you can communicate with Colonel Barker, Matrimonial Bureau, ¢ money. bers | treet, E.C., and he will most probably supply you with just what you want— } down oo | from Colonel’s report. Another non-commissioned officer vancing from the rear, ted order. ’ **T won't do’t!” roared the implacable Private O'Grapr. Once more the Irish Members burst into cheering, whilst « soldier in uniform in Strangers’ Gallery looked on and listened, Would like to hear his account of scene to in privacy of barrack-room. ; When Stawnore finished reading report of officer commanding battalion, Irish Members leaped to their feet in body, each anxious to stand shoulder to shoulder with Private O’Grapy defying the Saxon. Norax, who had set ball rolling, oe eave pst in | ; id only w at the air in direction of Treasury Bench where Stawnorr sat, at O’Brren, ArtTuur O'Connor, the wily Wes, and the flaccid Frwy, all shouting together. But Sxxtow beat them all, and will dul re in Parliamentary Report as Vindicator of Nationality, Defender of St. Patrick, and Patron of Private O’Grapy. “* There ’s nothing new about Ireland,” said PotTaLtoen, talking the matter over AS 3 “Ts Cee oe Gy country that ever et | was seen, Where they | punish T. O’Grapy For | a- ae «tel reen. Business done— Small Holdings Bill read Second Time. Friday Night—\| House ved nobly | to-night; Feywicx | brought forward Mo- | tion payment of Raubee House arbiter of situation; might have voted itself anything a i in : ; the most distressfy) > re « without sulphur or phosphorus, which will flame w married, and do not know have numbers: CAMPBELL- BaNNERMAN, seated on Front Opposition Bench, declares he could distinctly hear smacking of lips of Hon. Members below Gangwa when Fenrwice aheureel he thought £365 a year would be allowance. However insidious temptation may have been, it was nobly resisted. Of nearly 400 Mem who took in Division, only 162 reached out their hand for the pittance, 227 lofty souls going into other Lobby. Business done.—Private Bill Procedure Bill brought in. VERY ORCHID! (“ The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that the life of « Peer is not a happy one.”—Mr. Chamberlain, before the Jewellers’ and Silveremiths’ Association at Birmingham.) Tue Orchid is a thoughtful plant—it loves the hot-house, And gilliflowers as “* G ’Tis rich, enue, pe! ly flora ¢ i The rough herbaceous annuals it vulgar deems, and horrid. With all that’s forced and precious it should fraternise in reason, — luscious fruits and rarest roots, ee t may perhaps at primroses a condescending hand ; It sight be fends © cummmanelal stand- with stocks—but from a pure And yet—it is a thoughtful t—though such a fastidious, See na bat mal eenteny dill nome te vidious ; Those ducal leaves that shine and twine around the nation’s garden, It fancies more deleetable than all the blooms of Hawarden. This orchid’s bosom bleeds to feel that, while he flaunts in colour, The chaplet of the straw should duller pine and duller, That obsoleteness, though de ved, should still be om the ¢apse, That, pending its extinction, its existence isn’t happy. O courtly leaves of strawberries, old England’s and ° Emblazoned o’er the castle-keeps that moulder Eieh and hoary, sroat contest Oey pour drowns dvs, SS Sears That yonder orchid spruce extends his shelter and protection. But, garland sere of Vere de Vere, wan ornaments of Fable, The orchid is a plant, and likes a gorgeous table And, should from ou’ coronals one berry — ty NOTICE —Kejected Communications or Contributions, whether M5., in Be case be returned, mot even whep acvompanied by a Stamped and Addressed there will be no exception, bright be shinins His patronage muy susp it upto cove & fim dodlining Printed Matter, Dra or Pictares of amy description, wus Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON nes 2, 1892. gb WINE MERCHANTS AND GROCERS gt BYERY BAR AND RESTAURANT. 32 PRUE MEI AL, DUBLIN EXHIBITION, ; 1865 KINAHAN’S LL AND GLENISLE Li An bi bish Whiston. | ovtck Wain bal. WHISKIES. (LDFORD STREET, YORK BROAD, LAMBETH, 6.3 ARLTON HIGHLAND MALT WHISKEY. ELEVEN YEARS OLD. D MEDAL, CALCUTTA EBXEIBITION le Ma the Gall ; Sn. the Dos. s Pars Casn Ontr. ws sam be sent free ne tl receiph of 3. orton RICHD. MATHEWS: & 00., DM and 05, Mart St., Bloomsbury, W.C. Avy all Le Mt 1 B.4 and the Covemtes. For + PLEASURE and PROFIT. FRUIT Sothing so Profitable and Easy to Grow. 2% ACRES IN STOCK. ATALOGUE for Simple Fopigagsions ond kinds of Trees to eult all ROSES HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS. USHES, 8s. per doz., 60s. 100. hocking and Carriage Free for Cash with order. OSES in Pots, from 15s. per dos. ORNAMENTAL TREES 91 ACRES. 4 ACRES OF CLASS. CLEMATIS (80,000), from 15. per dos. . Siangie Plante are sold at slightly increased REDS and | Vegetable, Flower, BULBS } and Farm. DESCRIPTIVE LISTS FREE. HARD SMITH & CO., Worcester, COPING COUGH, 2ROUP. srlebrated coves cure without internal . Sole Wholesale ey ag Eow.ans & London. rtin . North William Street. WRIGHT 3 fi “COAL “TAR SOAP BETS Gil Gold Medals, Paris, JOSEPH GILLOTT'S Quality, Greahent Durability, and Having are Therefore CHEAPEST. A LAXATIVE, REFRESHING FRUIT LOZENCE, VERY AGREEABLE TO TAKE. FOR TAMAR constraroy, Hemorrhoids, Bile, Loss of Appetite, Gastric and I N DI i y N Intestinal Troubles, Headache. Se Si E. GRILLON, 69, Queen Street, City, London. SOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS AND DRUGGISTS, 2g. Ga. A BOX. LUXURIOUS — fmt MACNIVEN a = J eae 3 . and is. le Sample Kox of all the kinds, Waverley Works, EDI eu BRIGHT TOBACCO. “HOWARD BEDFORD HAYMAKERS. Sela only im i-ounce Packets, and 2, 4, * condition. Ask at all Te corn The Gewcine boats the Trado-Mart, “ The follow ing extract from * Review or THE PIPE THE WORKHOUSE The entation & = anderer Sie ae ie ee >, om od 1-1. Tine, SMOKERS ARE CAUTIONED AGAINST IMITATIONS. PLAYER'S BAVY CUT CIGARETTES, is Packets containing 12, and Bezes o! 24. picture wn by our i per ‘= = A 7 fp the oo Wea Sade ee saree m the never give a cent awa purposes one pmpathics ofa ofa CAh ae invcterate ich benp the T% nares te gae Supine and take no « cllers’, Stores, &e Mottingham Castle,” on every Packet and Tis. her: ews,” Now., 100, is of interest fo every »moker . Were { im London, I would at once start « collecting-box | but, > busin se ard tor the sett nine months. ‘at om 5 qenciter BEST 6 ‘oat ine, tneretore, a cheque tor the amount.” : Waters Continue to be supplied to Her Majesty the Queen. BEWARE OF IMITATIONS OF BOTH RED AND BROWN LABELS. TERRE, (AMR) CIGARS. + ape A PRDER +} ei festane OF MANSIONS in all parts of the kingdom SHAND, MASON 2Co., MAKERS oF STEAM FIRE ENGINES my the the Duke Te He M 4 Queens, of ne Die of Su ILLusTaareo OCavacoeues rree. 75, UPPER CROUND STREET, BLACKFRIAR $ ROAD, LONDON. DAMP WALLS. Ateolutely cured cheaply ; gnce dene, inate for « _® F. _ CHAM HEME “ue ¢ -. m HULL ALL FAT. | PEOPLE Bhould take Lay ay oes Be we Ay he apt) le The only cafe gore cot an for of Sor, sea boi TIRE ARMS | %8, Glasshouse 6+, | TRILENE +> abury Pavemrat, London” COLT'S NEW UNITED STATES WAVY REVOLVER for House Protection, Travellers, and Br ee yr “hash 7 Bes “

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_PUNC H, OR 1 THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Arrit 2, 1892. = : The Lene cape GOLD MEDAL, E cenit am Would be aam- or peda milated with great BENOIES feet —~ oar os | he London Medi- =. “— | cal Record anys doctor's direction | Fr Tt is retained =r te eben en | = when oll other —.s ine per could “net ba wal | oie «6re Ore jected.” il if Os. 64., Se., and 10s., of Chemists, &c., everywhere. _ WHOLESALE OF ALL WHOLESALE j | ; 1 FOR THE rte 3 > * zz Gold Medals, Drp- tomas, and Highest Awards wherever exhibited, for abso- lute Purity, Superio- rity of Manufacture, and True Flavour. of BEEF Retains the True Natural Taste and Stimulating Properties of Fresh Beef in a more marked degree than any similar preparation. Write for a copy of ** Practical Hints on Cookery” sent Sree to ARMOUR & Co., 59, Tooley St... 8. E. BIRDS CUSTARD — POWDER Supplies a Daily Luxury. Dainties in | Endless Variety. The Choicest Dishes and the Richest Custard. NO EGGS REQUIRED. PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. > MU 4 A “The name Cadbury © “The typical Cocos on any packet of cocoa of English Manufse \is @ guarantee “Cadbur “4 ture, Absolutely parity.” Pure.’’ Medical Annual, NO CHEMICALS USED The Analy* 4 (As in the so-called Pure Foreign Cocoas.) ( Laas rriatec b At ay: as Read, Holloway, in the Parish of St , Islington, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of M Rradbury, Agnew. £ CO, etrest, is the Precinct of Whitetriams, ib the Gray at London, ona and published y hig wt No. Bb, Fleet Strect, im the Parish of Bt Bride, City of London —Sarwanat, April 2, 6