Punch 1892-03-26: Vol 102 Iss 2646

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“The Jorrocks”| THREE VOLUMES are now ready in this issue of the HANDLEY CROSS rorrioN OF THE SPORTING NOVELS, viz.:—‘SPONGE’S SPORTING TOUR,” “ASK MAMMA,” SPORTING | and “ROMFORD’S HOUNDS.” Each with many illustrations and a hand-coloured Frontispiece, 6s. At all Booksellers and the principal Bookstalls, [°t+""s.-cm'Stat £

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ndon | eee Marcu 26, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 145 yE MODERATES OF LONDON! Yr Moderates of London Who sat at home at ease, Ah’ little did you think upon The dangerous C. C.’s!' While comfort did surround you, You did not care to go To remote Spots to vote When the stormy winds did blow. The voter should have courage No danger he should shun ; sorts of risks should run. Not he !"8o bold ves Will tax him, and he ’ll know He must pay In their way, . Which is nei- ther sure nor slow. But when the Thames Embankment, The finest road in town, Is riotous with tramears, Will that make rates come down ? Will all these free ements, Free water, gas, do so? Oh, they may! Who can say ? And the Companies may go. The Stay-at-Home Voter. When Lineett and McDoveaty Are censors of the play, We can patronise the Drama In a strictly proper way ; When Parkinson ’s Inspector Of Ballets, we shall know He will stop Any hop If he sees a dancer’s toe. Such grandmaternal rulers Will settle life for us, And Moderates, escaping All canvassing and fuss, - still, ee cosy firesides, Thro three long years or so, “Watch whereat Jumps the cat, And which way the wind does blow. LOCKWOOD THE ‘LECTURER. ~ Last Tuesday Mr. Fra&x Locxwoop, Q.C. _ " delivered lecture entitled ‘The Law an wyers of Pickwick,’ to a large gathering of the citizens of York, which place he sapresunte in Par- tament.”— Daily Telegraph.) P Atrn— Simon the Cellarer.” On, Lockwoop the Lecturer hath a rare store Of jo-vi-a-li-tee, ore, | Of quips, and of cranks, with good stories Whe For a cheery Q.C. is he! w A cheery Q.C. and M.P. ith pen and with peneil he never doth fail, And every day he hath got a fresh tale. A Big-vig on Pig-vig,” he quaintly did say, u giving his lecture at York t’other day. For Ho! ho! ho! Frank Lockwoop can show How well he his Dickens Doth know, know, know ! Chorus.—For Ho! ho! ho! &e. “ Programmes and introductions are r going out of fashion at balls.” — Weekly Paper.) | Scene—ZInterior of a Drawing-room during adance. Sprightly Damsel disengaged looking out for a partner. She resses cheer ful-looking Middle-aged Gentleman, who is standing near her. She. I am not quite sure) whether I gave you this waltz ? He, Nor 1. But I hope you did. I am afraid it is nearly over, but we shall still have time for a turn. [They join the dancers. She. Too many people here jto-night to d | make waltzing pleasant. He. Yes, it is rather crowded. Shall we sit out ° She (thankfully, as he has not quite her step). If you like. And see, the band is bringing things to a conclusion. Don’t you hate a cornet in so small a room as this? So dreadfully loud, you know. He. Quite. Yes, I think it would have been better to have kept to the piano and the strings. 4 , She. But the place is prettily decorated. It must have cost them a lot, getting all these flowers. _ He. I daresay, No doubt they managed | it by contract. And lots of things come from | Algeria nowadays. You can get early vege- tables in winter for next to nothing. She. Yes, isn’t it lovely? All these palms, I suppose, came from the Stores. He. Nodoubt. By the way, do you know | the people of the house at all’ She. Not much. Fact was, I was brought. Couldn’t find either the host or houtess. Such a crowd on the staircase, you know. He. Yes. Rather silly asking double the | number of people the rooms will hold, isn’t | it | She. Awfully. However, I suppose it! pleases some folks. I presume they consider | it the swagger thing to do? He. 1 sup y do. =a people here ? She. Not a soul, or—— He. You would not have spoken to me ? She. Well, no—not exactly that. But— | He. You have no better excuse ready. Do you know te. She. How rude you are! You know I didn’t quite mean that. He. No, not quite. Quite. a _ She. By the way, do you know what time | it is ? He. Well, from the rooms getting less | crowded, I fancy it must be the supper hour. | May I not take you down ? he. You are most kind! know the way ? | He. A apy Soy cont hers learned the | geogra of the place fairly well. She. How fortunate! But if I accept your | kindness, I think I should have the honour | of knowing your name, . He. Certainly ; my name is SmrrH. She. Any relation of the people who are | giving the dance ? m- He. Well, yes. I am giving the dance | myself—or rather, my wife is. _ a She. Oh, this is quite too delightful! For now you can tell me what to avoid. He. Certainly ; and I have the pleasure of | speaking to ? She. You must ask my chaperon for my You know, introductions are not the But do you name. fashion. : He, And your chaperon is——? She. Somewhere or other. In the while, if you will allow me? He (offering his arm). Quite! mean- | dist HOSPITALITY A LA MODE. |MR. PUNCH’S UP-TO-DATE POETRY FOR CHILDREN. No. L.—* LITTLE MISS MUFFIT.” Litrie Miss Mvrrir Reposed on a tuffet, Consuming her curds and whey — She had dozens of dolls, And some cash in Consols Put by for a rainy day. But though calm and content While she drew Three per Cent., The Conversion unsettled her mien, And she said, ‘“‘Though they ‘ve thrown us This Five-Shilling Bonus, I cannot brook Two pounds fifteen !’ Comes a Broker—outsider— Who chanced to bave spied her, And ‘‘ Options” and ‘‘ Pools”’ he extols When he pictures the profit (Commission small off it), She cheerfully sells her Consols. Then she starts operations With fierce speculations In Stocks of all manner and shape ; But whatever she chooses Her “‘ cover”’ she loses, And sees it run off on the tape. So alas! for Miss Murrit— She now has to rough it, And never gets jam with her tea ; While the Bucket-shop Dealer Employs a four-wheeler, Regardless of Z. 8S. and D. ‘‘The Frogs” at Oxford. Scene—Parlour of Private House, Oxford. Trwe— Quite recently. Cook wishes to speak to her Mistress. Cook. Please, ’m, I should like to go out this evening, ’m, which it’s to see them F at the New Theayter. stress. But it’sall Greek, and you won't understand it. Cook. O yes, ’m. I once saw the Per- formin’ 7 was French, | believe, leastways a Frenchman were showin’ of ’em, and I unnerstood all as was necessary. [After this, of course she obtains permission. Mrs. Ram’s Unele (on the maternal side) has recently joined the religious sect known as the Plymouth Brethren. This has greatly wte y= good Lady. ‘If it had heen anything else,” she says, “a Moravian Mis- sionary, or a Christian Brother-in-law, I wouldn’t have minded. But to think that an Uncle of mine should have become a Yarmouth | Bloater is a little hard om a poor woman no [ Exeunt to supper. | longer in her idolescence.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. [Marcu 26, 1899, | i, WILFUL WILHELM. An Imperial German Nursery Rhyme, (From the very latest Edition of “ Struwwelpeter.”) SM 4 ES s CROPPING THe PiLC (A eee oe ‘ ll YU / , li lof, 4 U, / YL AY, ’ ’ we Wilful Withelm, “Take THE Nasty Powon away! I won't HAVE ANY PuweH TO-DAY !” Youre Wreet™ was a wilful lad, py Am = =) ell And do as it by Aum was told ; And lots of “ cheek” young Witnetmhad.| A smart and self-sufficient boy, He was so wise, he was so bold.

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—— MaRkcH 26, 1892. ] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. If anyone dared stop his play, He screamed out—** Take the wretch away}! Oh, take my enemy away ! I won't have any foes to-day!” His old adviser WILHELM swore Was a pig-headed senile bore. He meant to try another tack, So his Old Pilot got the sack. Nay more, one day, in a fierce squall, He smashed his ape os > My ; Tore up the papers when they sai He war a little off his head.” He yelled, in his despotic way, * Not any Press for me,” I say ! “Oh, take that nasty Punch away | I won't have any Punch to-day ! He deemed himself, and this was odd, A sort of new Olympian god; And when the wise, who watched his whir , Sighed, ‘‘ Have the gods demented him / Quem deus vult, et cetera,” he Was just as mad as mad could be ; And, just like other angry boys, Kicked over tables, smashed his toys, And cried out, ** Take the things away ! I'l have nought but new toys to-day!” ‘Prudence ?”’ he yelled; ‘‘ what do Jcare?”’ And here he kicked the old pet Bear His sire and grandsire had so cherished, Till the old policy had perished With Wilful WiraeLm, who preferred The Eagles. With a pole he stirred Big Bruin up. ‘*Oh, Z’ll surprise him ! And, if he growls, I'll ‘ pulverise’ him.” Some thought that picking rows with Brain | Meant folly, if it did not ruin ; But when they whispered words of warning, | Then Wilful WILHELM, counsel scorning, | Shrieked, ‘* Take the nasty brute away ! | I won’t have any Bears to-day!” Now, WitneLm, do not be absurd, But listen to a friendly word ! You are a clever boy, no doubt, And very smart, and very stout, Like young Aveustvs, dainty eater, Whose story is in Struwwelpeter. Did’st ever read those truthful stories, Good Dr. Hemrrrcn Horrmann’s glories, | Which round the world have travelled gaily, | By Nursery pets consulted daily ? | It not, just get ** Shock-headed Pren ast Read of Aveustus, the soup-eater, And stuck-up ** Jomwny Head-in-Air,” Who came down ** bump” all unaware And‘ Fidgety Purirp.”’ You'll confess them Pointed,—and don’t try to suppress them, Like Princes, party-men and papers Which can’t admire al/ your mad capers ! My Wilful WirHet™, you ’ll not win sy dint of mere d tic din; By kicking everybody over In whom a critic you discover, Or shouting in your furious way, Oh, take the nasty Punch away! I won’t have any Punch to-day!” W HAT THE ComMANDER-IN-Carer, Mr. PuycH, says To THE Artists’ CoRPs.— Gentlemen, you would no doubt like a brush with the enemy, to whom you will always show a full face. Any colourable pretence for 4 skirmish won’t suit your ette. ou march with the colours, and, like the oils, you will never run. You all look perfect pictures, and everybody must admire your well-knit Trames. Gentlemen, I do not know whether you will take my concluding observation as a compliment or not, but 1 need hardly sa: that it is meant to be both truthf and} | Complimentary, and it is this, that though |} you are all i aoe ag all fArtists, you look perfect a MBE A A Ae AANVSP Sf mia 745 os J POI EL A f 4 Shy - \eatt) Aida 4 WIT aed }] SLL ALPS 1 ee Lda ij? CONSCIENTIOUS. Mr. Boole (soliloquises), ‘‘My MepicaL MAN TOLD ME NEVER ON ANY ACCOUNT TO MIX |wy Wives, So I'LL FINISH THE CHAMPAGNE FIRST, AND THEN TACKLE THE CLaneT!” ‘““BUTCHER’D TO MAKE—.” [On Monday the 14th a “ lion-tamer ’’ was torn to pieces in a show at Hednesford. ) Suame to the callous French, who goad The horse that pulls a heavy load ! Shame to the Spanish bull-fight! Shame To those who make of death a game ! We English are a better race: We love the long and solemn face ; We fly from any cheerful place,— On Sunday. But, other days, we like a show. ‘There may be danger, as we know ; We put the thought of that aside, For noble sport is England’s pride : We'd advertise a railway trip, To see a wretched tamer slip And die beneath the lion’s grip,— On Monday ! A Reatty Exceprionatty REMARKABLE anv Norewortuy Fact.—To-day, Thursday, March 17.—Fine Spring weather. Have sat for over half-an-hour at a window looking on to the street, between 3°30 and 4°15 P.m., and have not once heard either the whole or any portion of the now strangely popular ** Ta- ra-ra-boom-de-ay!” ... As I write this... ha!... The r’s 1... °* Boom-de- ay” without the “*Ta-ra.” The spell is broken! N.B.—As this delightful has now a certain number of Music-* -marks,” the places where it is sung can be spotted and remembered as ‘‘ Ta-ra’s Halls.” TO THE YOUNG CITY MEN. To make mucu or (Luscngon) Time; On, A Counsen To Creeks. (Arren Hegnice.) GaTueRr ye fish-bones while ye may, The luncheon hour is flying And this same cod, that’s led to-day, To-morrow may be frying. The handsome clock of ormolu A quarter past is showing, And soon ’twill be a quarter to, When you must think of going. That man eats best who eats the first, When fish and plates are warmer, But being cold, the worse and worst Fare still succeeds the former. Then be not coy, but use your lungs, And while ye may, ery “* Waiter ! For having held just now your tongues, You may repent it later.

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148 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. —es, [Maron 26, 1899, | PONSCH, PRINCE OF OLLENDORFF. M Maeterlinck’s very latest Masterpiece. ) Tae Belgian Master has tried, as he has already informed the world, ‘to write SaaksPeaRe for a company of Marionnettes.” En- couraged by his extraordinary success, he has higher yet, and adapted our greatest national drama for the pu sof the (In- dependent) itinerant Stage. We are enabled by the courtesy of his publishers to give a few specimen scenes from this magnum opus, which, as will be seen, requires somewhat more elaborate mounting and mechanical effects than are at present afforded by the ordinary Punch Show. In M. Marrertoyvcn’s version, Ponsch becomes the Prince of Half-seas-over-Holland; he is the victim of hereditary homicidal mania, complicated by neurotic hysteria. Inflamed by the insinuations of Mynheer Olenikke—a kind of Dutch Mephistopheles and Iago combined —he is secretly jealous of his consort the Princess Jidi’s preference for the society of Dyoé, the Court Jester and Society —— Clown. Here is our first sample . . FANCY PORTRAIT. | blown off the window-sill by a gust.) 1 will close the windoy, (Closes it ; a hailstorm beats on the panes.) Is that really a hail. | storm—or only birds ? ‘ Jédi, | can hear nothing. (P. strikes her suddenly on the head | with staff.) Someone is knocking at my door. Come in! I cannot see anything now. . Ponsch. you, indeed, see nothing? (He strikes her again. Jédi, Now 1 can see stars. I feel as if purple mills were going round in my head. I shall never kiss anybody any mor. Oh! oh! oh! ies, Ponsch. She was a beautiful woman, do you know? Oh, how lonely I shall feel hereafter! (A black Ag heard scratching and sniffing outside the door.) It is only Tobbi. Someone has trod on your toe, my poor Tobbi. Come in. Give me your paw. (Tobi enters, and flies suddenly at his nose.) Oh, my nose is bleeding! Let us go to the pond. do not know why I feel so melancholy this evening. He goes out, pursued by Tobki, —__———, Sampte No. II.—A Hall in | Castle O a Marionnette Theatre a A Chamber m the Castle. Princess J(p1 discovered at a window with Drok. Jidi. Lo! lo! a shower of stars is falling upon the fowl- house ! Djoé, Oh! oh! a shower of stars upon the fow!l-house ? A water pipe in the back- garden bursts suddenly and splashes them.) Ah! ah! I am wet all over! Have you a pocket handkerchief ? Jidi, Oh, look ! a comet— an enormous one—has de- scended into the water-butt ! The sky is blood-red, andthe; | moon has turned the colour of green cheese. This bodes some disaster ! Djoé. It is unsettled — rainy—unpleasant weather. Can you lend me an um brella ? Jédi. I cannot lend you an | umbrella, because I have | lent mine to the gardener’s | wife. Owls are roosting on the chimney -pots, and a stickleback has jumped out of the pond. Hush, my Lord the Prince approaches ! _Prince Ponscn enters, bear- ing a stout staff, which he nurses gloomily, like an infant; a hurricane is heard in the middle dis- tance ; the waterpipe sobs strangely and then ez- L _ —— 7 the back of Stage. Duoi, a Belgian Bedell, and Dutch Dolls-in - waiting discovered. Djoé. Green flames are | running along the walls, and blue "ches are boundi about the back garden. have never seen such a night. Here comes the Prince. [ Enter Ponscu, conscience- stricken ; all bow. | Ponsch. I am not melan- choly, but I have hardly any jhair, Let the Play com- | mence ! | Curtain of Marionnette Show | rises; a Clown is seen | chasing a butterfly. | _ Councillor, Oh! oh! oh! [Uproar; the Clown and Butterfly are withdrawn. A Skeleton appears on the Stage, and dances his head and limbs off in a blue light. Ponsch (rising). That was done purposely! You are driving at something. Con- fess it! Is there no topic more cheerful? I cannot bear it any longer! | [Knocks n Dro with his | staff. A combat,’ during which Dso# several times | obtains possession of the weapon, and wounds Ponsca. N.B.— Note the ing resemblance here | pires: a blackbeetle comes out of a cupboard and runs uneasily about, until a flash of lightning enters down ¢t chimney and kills it. Powscn stands ; wey at Dso& and the Princess. o#® (hastily). There is going to be a storm. Do not forget what I have uttered. Good evening! | He goes ; the wind whistles a popular air through the keyhole. Jidi (nervously). What an appalling evening ! have never seen | the like of such a sky. Ponsch. There is something about you this evening —how beauti- ful you are looking! Bring Bessi-Powscu. Jidi | fetching the Infant Prince). Here he is. Why do you look so strangely at him ? Bebin- Ponsch (a small, but important part). Is Pa-a-par poo- oorly ’ Won't he p’ay wiz me no mo-ore ? Ponsch. The soul of a little stage-child looms from under his green eyes! OLENIKKE was right, I—— No matter. I willopen | the window. [Opens it, and throws Benni-P. out. Sound of water-splash audible. | Jédi, Oh my! Oh my! What have you done? He has fallen | right into the moat—on one of the swans ! Ponsch. Indeed—on one of the swans? (A pot of mignonnette is The Times (log. ). THE HUMBUG-HUNTING FERRET. (Viverra Lapovcueriensis.) *‘An! WONDERFUL INSTINCT, AND OCCASIONALLY USEFUL. Bur I’M NOT PARTICULARLY PARTIAL TO Hix!” a : " | to the similar, but very | inferior, Scenes ™| | “ Ha 9 The Duteh Dolls (runmng | _ about). Both of them bleeding oe > —————~ already! There’s blood on | the walls already! Already blood on the walls! (Ge.). The Bedell. Prince has slain Dso#. Take him into custody. [Ponscu strikes the Bedell down. The’ B. Ha! ha! ha! (Tries to rise—but is struck again). Ha! ha! (Powscn strikes once more.) Ha! [The Bedell dies ; a draught enters under the door and blows out two of the candles ; a thunderbolt is heard coming down-stairs, and the Ghost of JOvI suddenly aoe from be a tapestry representing ‘* The Finding of Moses.” Ponsch (to Ghost). Have you any hearse-plumes at hand ? Do not be angry with me. Can you hear my teeth? I am onl a poor little old man. Will you please undo my necktie? (cf. * King Lear”). Let us go to b ast. Will there be muffins for breakfast ? (Exit, leaning heavily on Ghost's arm. The Dutch Dolls (with conviction). One more such night as this, and all our heads would have gone bald! Sampte No. Ill.—The Courtyard with a scaffold and gibbet. A blood -red moon is sailing amid the currant - bushes, and ¢ shower of stars proceeds uninterruptedly. PomscH discover oa looking through the Satal noose. ee

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—— MarcH 26, 1892.} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL Diakketch (the Court Executioner), Can you see anything through the r P on h. Not yet. I cannot see the audience anywhere. Djak. No; we are ag above the heads of the audience. But can't you distinguish Mr. WiritlamM SHaksPEaRE ? Ponsch. Wait one moment. No, I cannot see Mr. Suaxsrzare anywhere. Djak. me he has had to take a back seat. Look again. Can you see nothing ? " Ponsch. I can make out an omnibus in the street. It a ry Djak. Ay, ay! A Bayswater "bus. They are green. But don’t you see any of the eames golite P Ponsch. | can see Mr. Writiam ArcHen, and some new Critics, and unconven Dramatists. They are following the text with books of the Play. But there are no more errand-boys with baskets. Djak. This is wonderful. No more errand-boys with baskets ? Ponsch. No more small children with babies! Djak. No more small children? Do pray let me look. (Ponscu retires, and DJAKKETCH puts his head through the foep) Oh, I can see plainly now. There is not a single spectator They have all been bored to death ! Ponsch. All bored to death? Now then, lift your head a little, and I will fondle you. [Pulls the cord towards himself. Djak. Oh, what have you put round my neck? Oh me! You are going to... oh, you are! Ponsch. Oh, lam! Djak. Then—oh! Ponsch. Oh! (Ezeunt all, ye DJAKKETCH, who ceases “npg A peacock is heard warbling in a cemetery the corner ; a barn-door fowl jumps on a wheelbarrow, and crows. FINIS. HORACE IN LONDON. To A Crustep O_p Port, (AD AMPHORAM.) Why, Etpoy, that dragon of virtue, Never imagined its vintage could hurt you. Liquor like this from a bottle whose crust is whole, Liquor like this rubs the rust from the rusty soul ; The faddist it mellows: the private Secrets of State it can some- how arrive at. OLD liquor born on my birthday, a twin to me, Whether ordained wit and mirth to put into me, yr passions that witch and defy us, Or, peradventure, the sleep of the pious. Under its spell frolics Hypochon- driasis; [naire’s bias is, Poverty learns what a million- Yes, Poverty, such a spell under, Laughs at the County Court's impotent thunder. Fill, then! A bumper we'll empty between us to Bacchus, the Pas-de-trois Graces, and Venus too, [(man— With all of that classical ilk, Till the stars fade with the morn and the milkman. Vaunt not its shippers, my friend, but produce it—an Actual, ‘* forty-five,” languorous _ Lusitan, Befitting, whate’er be _ label, You, my good host, and the guest at your table. Steeped though you frown in this asdust clever age, gemaee fe resist such | erage! its Dare you a THE “TA-RA-RA” BOOM. (By Our Own Melancholy Muser.) I aM shrouded in impenetrable gloom-de-ay, For I feel I’m being driven to tay doom-de-ay, 2 Re agperavating ditty ich "t consider witty ; And they call the horrid thing, ‘‘ Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay !"’ Every ’bus-conductor, errand-boy, and groom-de-ay, City clerk, and cheeky crossing-swee Sith on, Makes my nervous system bristle As he tries to sing or whistle That atrocious and absurd ‘* Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay |" So I sit in the seclusion of my room-de-ay, And deny myself to all—no matter whom-de-ay - For I dread a creature coming Whose involuntary humming May assume the fatal form, “ Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay |” Oh, I fear that when the Summer roses bloom-de-ay You will read upon a well inted tomb-de ay :— ba fem never fhek'd him, 4 But he fell an victim To that universal scourge—* Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay !'"” OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. _ One of the Baron’s Assistant Readers has been readin in , well written novel in two volu by Mary Decapens. Wurrrne. It is called Denis O’ Neil, and of the adventures of a young Irish Doctor who gets entangled in the plots of one of those Secret Societies that used to exist in “* the most distressful country that ever yet was seen,”’ some twent ago. The romance con- tains some clever sketches of character. The story (published b Bentiey) ends sadly, and those who want to find fault with it will a really a is too short. e Leadenhall Press,—immortalised by its invention of that in- | valuable work of art, ‘‘The Hairless Author’s Paper Pad,” which the Baron herewith and hereby strongly recommends to Mr. Giap- stork, who has so much writing to do with a pad on his knee, and | for this purpose Mr. G. would find this the “ knee plus ultra” of | inventions,—this same Leadenhall Press has recently published a | story without a title, offer- ; ing a reward of £100 to any KY individual, or to be divided | between such individuals, as may guess it. The story is | in effect about a youth who § lost his right eye in fighting another boy, and who sub- ; | sequently revenged himself /7 | by depriving his antagonist of an eye bya violent stroke ~ at Lawn-tennis. Whatcan 4 be the title? The Baron ~% has had the following sug- # gestions made to him:— \‘*An Eye for an Eye,” | “The Egotist,” ‘My Eye!” “Aye! aye!” ‘Ocular Demonstration,” ‘‘A Man of One Eye- 'dear!” ‘* Eyes Righted,” “One Left,” ‘‘ The Other Eye,” ‘‘ Two Pupils and One Eye,” ‘You and Eye,” ‘* The Eyes Have It.” e Baron ‘winks the other eye,” and will be very glad should iany hint of his have assisted a deserving person to gain the reward |offered by Mr. Tver. En attendant the Baron has hit upon a still |more novel idea. He will write some contributions towards short stories, and his shall finish them. The terms will be ‘these :—The Baron commences a chapter, or a few lines of it, and | leaves it unfinished, then his readers shall finish the sentence, and sometimes the chapter, for themselves. If the sentence, or the ‘chapter, as the case may be, shall turn out to be exactly what the Baron have written had he continued tt, then he, the Baron, will award £100 to the successful candidate, or voll award a division of that sum among the successful candidates. Every competitor shall pay the Baron £0. And to insure such payment, each competitor's cheque for this amount must accompany his or her contribution. Exampte.— CHAPTER I.—The harvest-moon was slowly rising. The heather, dried and burnt by the mid-day sun, appeared, to t ¢ unaccustomed to this aspect of the country, to be merely a rugged heergence from the main road. Descending carefully from his dog-cart, a small man ina big coat, muffled up to the eyes, pr leisurely to—- Our Competition Novel.—Competitors at Work. Yow, then, what did he leisure) aes peed There’s« fortune Ml, aban oom !—says r ne Baron De Boox-Worms, —

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| | j 150 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. a , [Marcu 26, 1892, | | iw . STUDIES IN ANIMAL LIFE. THE GOORMONG, Wat A EAVENLY Diywer iT was!” Mr. Buggins, “ BLiEvE YER ! (Epicuri de Grege Poreus. British Isles.) MyYKkrs YER WISH YER WAS BORN 'OLLER!” SPRING TIME IN LEAP YEAR; | Or, THe Jotty BaTuers. First Jolly Bather (singing, quaveringly) :— Spring's delights are now revi-i-i-vi-i-i-ng, Verdant leaflets deck each spr-a-ay ! Second Jolly Bather (impatiently). Don’t, Axtuur, make that row! B-r-r-r! (Shivers.) Spring's delights, indeed! And as to the “‘ verdant leaflets” (unless you mean election squibs), where | are they ? First Ditto. Ah, “‘ verdant leaflets” not a bad name for Financial Reform tracts, ef sd genus omne. Touch of your old satirical Satur- iy-Reviewish style there, Nunky ! Second Ditto (hastily). Oh, bother! What are we here for ? First Ditto (coolly). Why, to bathe, I presume. Second Ditto. Bah! One would ,think, Arruvur, we belonged to that society of lunatics who make a point of taking a matutinal plunge in the Serpentine every morning, all the year round, even if they have to break the ice to do it! Ineffable idiots! [Curls up. First Ditto. Well, we may as well put a good face on it, Uncle. Grimaces. | Second Ditto. Ah, yes, you can say so—at your age, ARTHUR. I like my morning tub in my bath-room—with the chill off. [ Wraps his towel round his neck. First Ditto. (Sings again, tremolo) :— Thy linger shivering on the brink, And fear to launch away ? Second Ditto (sharply). Why, you're at it again, Anruur! And a Conventicler’s hymn, too, this time. I’m a-a-shamed of you. First Ditto. Ah! that’s what Lanovcrers, 0’ Keirty, ConrBeare, and Company say! J don’t mind; in fact, as I told ’em, I rather like it. Does me a world of good. Second Ditto \admiringly). Ah! you have got a nerve, ARTHUR. I will say that for you. Still, you’ve been giving them something to “‘ guy” you about lately, you know. First Ditto (sharply). Ah! have 1? Well, “I can assure you | that I am the last person in the world ‘to object to a process from | which I have profited so much.” Second Ditto. Oh, yes, that was all very well for them, over | yonder. In fact, | own it was rather neatly put. First Ditto a). Paar “lack finish,” was sufficiently “ ad y? unguem,” eh, } eeead Ditto (moodily). Ah! what do you youngsters know about those fine old fighting days? I didn’t love Duzy, but he was a neat hand with the foils, a First Ditto. Especially in a bout with a friend,—with the buttons off. But I say, this isn’t bathing, you know! Second Ditto. No. (Eyeing the stream distastefully). Hadn't we better postpone the pleasure till a little later in the season, ARTUR. | When those “ Spring’s delights” of which you melodiously twangle are a leetle more en évidence. First Ditto (espe). Hawthorn bads give joyful tidings. elcome, youths, ’tis bright bath-day! Second Ditto. Ah! if we’re here to do the Eclogue business, Srrepnon can take his turn, as well as Cornypon. ( Sings. Let us plunge into the ri-i-i-v-e-e-r! Leave our vesture on the b ! First Ditto. Bless me, Strernon, how you shi-i-v-e-e-r! Second Dittto. ’Tis like a fishmonger’s tank! First Ditto. Pooh! ’tis lovely—when you ’re in it ; One bold header, and ’tis done! Second Ditto. Ah, quite so, but—wait a minute, Till I’ve warmed me with a run. That will stir my circulation ; For the moment I am “* friz.”’ First Ditto, Magnifique ! my dear relation ; But, you’ll own, it is not ** biz.” Both. We must 0-0-0-ow-n it is not ** biz!” Second Ditto. Well, no, I suppose it isn’t, AnTHUR. By the way, what’s that row behind there ? First Ditto. (looking). By Jove! They ’ve tracked us! (Sings)— They ’re after us! They’re after us! We're the individuals they require. Second Ditto. jointly). What a lyric répertoire you have, Arruvr! Old English glee, Puritan psalmody, Music-hall song, all come equally well to you, it seems. But those roughs mean mis- chief, Nephew mine! First Ditto. Doubtless ! And they ’ve done it’s that Gladstone gang! They always do.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.— Marcu 26, 1892. Ml 1 i | {||| Wl | it i, \ mp i) j I r - HI it Hl ie il he i bu , . | ul | rT ee ——— “a SPRING TIME IN LEAP YEAR. Satisscry, “DON’T YOU THINK, NEPHEW ARTHUR, WE’D BETTER PLUNGE—BEFORE WE'RE PUSHED?” en

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——— an Marcu 26, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. —— | some lately, drat them! I say, wouldn’t they like to | shove us tn, a8 they did the old witches, to see if we can | 4 "ol Ditto. pf Jove! I shouldn’t wonder if they tried. Don’t you think, ArTuur, (valiantly) it would be better, more manly, and more politic, perchance, to plunge n than to be pushed ? ~ ; First Ditto (drily). Ah! just as the brave sheep— tsi & v6 ( — suicide to save themselves from a slaughter.”’ ey e+ 4 Cf LExt on Wa: nd Ditto, Oh, hang your quotations! Happy Yo y. BN HK men! ‘Tis Leap Year, isit not? Just a leap; though, e Dersy’s, it be “‘in the dark,” and— we shall know where we are, anyhow ! First Ditto, Ah, just so; and that’s something! _ [Left considering. “CLERK ME NO CLERKS.” Ir seems Sir E. C., Q.C.,.likes The blatant, brazen, Boothian band, Admires ‘“‘ abstaining ”’ zeal that strikes The biggest drum with boldest hand. He says, ‘** You must not judge some others’ case By tastes much more refined,” less commonplace, Yet, as Sir Epwarp disagrees With those whose tastes he thus divined, It’s manifestly clear he sees His taste in music ’s not ‘‘ refined.” Twas written long ago by Cuavucer’s pen, ‘ The gretest clerkes ben not the wisest men.’ “MY DEAR EYES! WHAT! SEE-USAN!”| 3 At the Prince of Wales’s, Mr. Antaur Roperts, as | Captain Crosstree, is more ARTHUR RoseRrts than ever, ind, consequently, immensely droll. While he is on the stage, the audience is convulsed with spasmodic laughter, exes pting =— he tries * forget himself and his drol- ’ lery in a loyal attempt at doing justice to Messrs. Srus’ | AND Pertitr’s words a‘. = serious business of | TEMPTATION. some situation inten to ramatic. At such | airdresser. “‘ Any Bary-Rom, Sint” moments the laughter of the House is checked, a sudden | addy. Tuane you—a—no! Nor quire so EARLY IN THE Monknino— gloom comes over the faces that were but now on the| you xwow broad grin, even the lineaments of Mr. Roserts become ————————— ee gonised, and the audience, like Christopher Sly when bored by the | knows what she has done and can do. Not a bit of dash in the cha- Duke's players, mutter to themselves, *‘ would t’were done.’ But | racter ; all the good old conventional British Tar taken right out of these painful seeonds, which, at the time, seem hours, are, we are|it. She can indeed say with the fool in The Yeomen of the Guard, glad to say, but brief and ing shadows over Mr. Ronents’ own | “I’ve got a song to sing, oh!” for she has two or three, but her quaint humour which speedily _reasserts itself, and, the Pettitt-and- | ‘‘ voice is w on the desert air,” as they go for nothing, and | therefore probably nobody else could make them go for anything. Mr. Agruvr Wits is funny, but his Variety Show scene, with soliloquy and song, is too long; or rather, it would not be too long, if the piece were only cut down to a two hours’ entertain- ment. ' Let this ‘‘ Comic Opera,” for so is it described"in the bills, be cut down as ruthlessly, but not as blindly, as William cut down Cross- tree; let something catching be substituted for most of the music of the First Act,—specially omitting the “* Why, certainly !” inter- lation, which is a feeble but evident imitation of Mr. W. 8. ILBERT’S classic “‘ What, never?” “* Well, hardly ever ;” let the | music of the Second Act be taken out by handfuls, and, if possible, let what remains be replaced by something sparkling ; then, with | less of sweet but sad William—tfor Se eee version of the part is | quite ‘“Burtron’s Anatomy of Melancholy,” — it | with less of fascinating but squirming Susan € > oh \far less of minor characters generally, and Gt ws | more, by comparison, of the two Macs—mean- ing the two Arruurs with the plural names | RopEets oy hab eae | song rthur Rober Mi , : . CHAUNCRY oTr (w sin, Arthur la (4 Arthur Williams). “The boat's getting along nicely, at ms encore fer on tndiflerent it now we've got rid of some of the heavy cargo. | with the Captain’s-giggy hornpipe of Mr. “uns fetters being cast aside, the People’s ArTuuR is himself again, | Wai Warp wtelaole 28 also the graceful and more so than ever. And, when he is himself, he is simply the | dancing of Miss Katie Seymour, and then, i Meni Basten most absurd person that ever faced the footlights. omitting as much of the plot and authors "6 —— Miss Nevire Srewart is @ inging, dancing, twisting, | written dialogue as can be conveniently spared, —very little of it would ” aa Susan, But what feduced h e Miss Manion be missed,—there is norhyme or reason why Blue- Eyed Susan should PURTON, once so gay and sprightly as Cherubino in Le Nozze ds not run on asa Variety Entertainment for any number of nights and m Figuro, to i li further, days, during which fresh material can be constantly substituted by to weal .gonthana a7 area part of We uiam, and, fur'ter: | Mewers, Hosuts de Oo, of the Drollery Company, Utlimited, without ditional William as can well be imagined, is a puzzle to anyone who | racking the fertile brains of Messrs. Perrirt axp Sims.

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ee 154 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIL. [Marcu 26, 1692

ps ~ ZOPU ax ayy! 4 L // < 1 - ep. ‘4 4, 2Dd 4 ° 72 Uy Y, ti ; Mi vy, Y 7 4 ashe badass aad 4 s j ; al Li {| Te q YL (A AdT 1}. a ml SALVATION ARfly- VOTES ’

| THE SALVATION HOUSE OF COMMONS. OUR PARLIAMENTARY ARTISTS DREAM, MARCH 10.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ONE FOR HIM. Major Spooneleigh. “‘AND you RIDE 80 WELL, AND—ER—you DRIVE 80 WONDERFULLY WELL, AND—ER—you Dance so—zR BSAUTIFULLY, AND YOU—ER—PLAY LAWN-TENNIS SO—ER—EXQUISITELY, AND—ER—OF COURSE YoU Fisn ALso!” Mrs. Dasher. “‘ NEVER FOR COMPLIMENTS, I ASSURE YOU ; AND CERTAINLY NoT IN SHALLOW Warens |” ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, March 14,—Jacxsow turned up to- night answering questions from Irish Mem i i Chief Secretary. , This reminds us he’s Irish Secretary. Been so o' course since Parliament met; but quite forgotten it. Mention this to the Speaker who looked a little dull while Captain Prick was discoursing on Navy Affairs in Committee of Suppl . Bo went up to have a rttle chat with him in the Chair. “*My dear Tony,” he said, *“*T don’t know whether you meant it, but you ’ve paid Jacx- son the highest compliment it is possible to convey. When in these times the Curer Secre- TARY so m s to conduct business of his department that he ~~ is = ily for- gotten, he’s doing it surpas- singly well. My big brother eg | oo os ~~ - , though per! you for- get that also. He resigned use, as he said, there was not enough work to keep an ac- tive man going. That was time ago. I daresay you no chance of f during Nef Secretary?” Cannot claim to have invented the compliment the Spraxrer discerned ; merely mentioning matter of fact ; but, as he says, when in these days a Chief Secretary manages to get himself forgotten, the wheels at the Irish Office must be going pretty smoothly. Jackson has not brought about this miraculous change by laying himself out to flatter or court Irish Members. He is exactly the same as he was when he filled office of Financial Secretary ; doubt- less the same as when he looked after his tanyard in "Yorkshire. Goes straight to the point in simple unaffeeted business manner that es no sensibilities. Fancy he could tan a hide in such a way that it would not feel any resentment. predecessor at the Irish Office who suc- ceeded, in more troublesome times, in living on peaceable terms with Irish Members, was CAMPBELL-BaNneRMAN. Irish Mem- bers, swift judges of character, taking measure of h, came. to conclusion no- thing to be gained by rowing round them. What killed Forsren, and turned Groner TREVELYAN’s hair grey, made CaMPBeLt- | BANNERMAN smile—not an offensive | smile, but one of interested amuse- ment. Jackson’s sense of humour |not so keen, but his imperturba- | bility even more im ble. If | Irish Member trailed his coat before | him, Jackson would say, “* My dear | fellow, won’t you get cold? Let me help you on with your coat.” — OF L =~ a judge |on this partic point, says t Mankiss missed the greatest chance \he has had for six months in not | putting Jackson in place of Oxp Monastir. eine 6 “ ious ng lor us, | tose says the Serra, “ that he didn’t. Jackxsow the very model

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that it should come to | this! Whilst Fryyw once = PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

— [Maron 26, 1892,

of a Leader H AY } Bat I suppose you don’t mean,” I venture to ask, ** that KSOr s the exclusive type of a successful Leader? N uys the Seurre, with a far-away look. Business done Iwo Votes in Supply. Tuesday.—Spent doleful afternoon in Committee of Supply. Circumstances call upon Members below Gangway, Radicals or Irishmen. to come to front, and make at least show of doing some- thing. Sacre or Queen Anwe’s Gate pricks up his ears when Chairman puts question to allow £6 7s. 11d. on account of Sheerness Police Court. Why should Northampton contribute its quota, how- er small, to expenses of Sheerness Police Court? Debate and livision ; after which, the Saee retired to smoke cigarette through reat of afternoon, and discuss probable date of Dissolution. Then Irish Members come on. Cream seems spooned off the mass preparation for festivities on St. Patrick’s Day, and only the skim milk wobbles to sekimmeast of left W ERB the front; talks out vot for Chicago Royal Com- tt although ArT- RNEY - GENERAI tells n it will be all right to Irish interests ng now close upon ten minutes to seven, when Committee must adjourn, Weestrer hasn't time to make detailed explana- tions, but promises to do so on Report. Werner maunders on all the same, and Vote postponed. Great day tor FLYNN. Tru Heaty thinks he's pretty smart as a debater ; Sex Tow believes he knows a thing or two; O’Brien is understood to be some- thing of an orator. FLYNN will show House how all qualities may be combined Im one man. Does it by the tiresome these twenty minutes, the lamentable half - hour ; popping up on every jues- tion with comically ju- dicial air; talking on with fatal feeble flatulent fluency, whilst Gri sits nursing his hat awaiting his turn. Alack for Irish humour, eloquence and deviltry, again turns on the tap of his tepid dish-water, news comes that Lord Hamppen died this morn- ing in far-off Pau. Hamp- DEN was the Branp who sat in Chair during Par- liament of 1874, and wrestled nightly with the “ bhoys”’ when they were in their prime— Major O’Gormaw rollicking through the night; Josepm Gris with lean hand outstretched and his “It seems tome, Mr. Sreaker”’’; Parwewe in the white heat of passion ; Detanunty with his One Pound Notes, and poor McCarruy Downree with his seared look and his indescribable but unmis- takable air of one accustomed to frequent the best society in Ski DDereen. After a fourth speech from Fiyww, with another to follow from Wess, one almost envies the Ex-Spraxer lying at rest at the foot of the Pyrene+ S. ~<a Rusiness done. Thursday.—St. Patrick’s Day in the evening. Irish Members rose to occasion ; indeed, at one time O’Ketiy and Jouw O'Connor rose together ; remained on their legs in defiance of Standing Orders and angry protest of Chairman. Seemed as if someone must be suspended pour entcourager les autres. Storm suddenly stilled ; rising passion subdued by appearance of ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS on the A few Votes in Supply.

seene, wanting to know about the Refreshment-bar in the Lobby,

ty NOTICE. —RKejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., and Prince Arruur—well he’s Prince

The Storm in the Reform Club Tea-Cup.

which, he said, was lowering to the dignity and respectability of House. Friday 12°15 a.m.—All this in Committee of Supply, which came to end at midnight. Then Report of Supply brought on; uproar renewed ; Vote for Irish Teachers’ Pension Fund under discussion Irish Members mysteriously disappeared ; Sexton, understood t, have ready prodigious eee on the subject, nowhere te be found ‘‘Joun O'Connor,” Notan hoarsely whispered, ‘you have the lone st legs in the Party; go and look up the bhoys, and |’) | talk!” | Silently but swiftly Lone Jory stole forth on his mission; Notay | nobl rformed his part. At end of forty minutes’ breathless talk. the Colonel, feeling his mouth growing parched, moved adjournment of House. Speaker didn’t recognise relevancy of argument: de- clined to = the question. ‘The Hon, Member,” he said, ‘‘ has spoken for forty minutes, and not given a single reason in favour of his proposal.” “I was coming to that point,” said Noray. “and, if it is quite in| order, I will now ap- | proach it.” Ruled out of order, Lone Jonny, back from his foray, in course of which had hunted up Sextow, threw himself into breach; moved the adjournment for irresis- tible reason. ie A ny wl he said, | ‘to this important sub- | ject being dealt with at | nearly one o'clock in the | morning on St. Patrick's night.”’ T. W. Rvssett con- doled with his com- patriots below Gangway on difficulties of situa- tion. ** Certainly hard,” he said, “that on St. Patrick’s night they should be called upon to discuss questions involv- ing facts and figures.” BaLFouR op ad- journment ; NYBEARE strode in; commenced what promised to be long speech; Prince ARTHUR moved Closure; carried by nearly a hundred majority. 1°35 a.M.—House just back after division on question of adjourn- ment ; Ministerialists in full muster and full of fight ; 41 for adjourn- ment, 121 against. As if nothing been said during previous hour- and-half, ILLmveworTH urges Prince ARTHTE to concede adjourn- ment; Prince Antuvr rises to reply. Irish Members, pulling themselves together, walk steadily out, amid ribald laughter from Ministerialists. Once more the Curse of CAMBOURNE turns up. This seems, quite naturally, to suggest the Closure ; sort of automatic procedure ; Coorsnnstn Cleve’. e more division just to wind up, and at ten minutes past two Vote carried and House up. Business done.— Revival of old times. Saturday, 1°20 s.m.—House just up, after prol wrangle, lasting, with interval for dinner, straight through from two o'clock yesterday afternoon. Met then for Morning Sitting _— to make wrogress with financial business. For four hours disputed how ek men was to be arranged. This left one hour for doing it. Sitting suspended at seven, resumed at nine

At it again, talking about Royalties on Gold in W Domesti¢ Policy in Zululand, the Irish Question in the Falkland Islands, and Parliamentary Reporting. All this led gently up to passing of Vote on Account ; a conclusion finally arrived at with the assistance of the Closure. DBuisiness done.—V ote on Account taken.

Printed Matter, Drawings, o: Pictures vi amy uesoripwom, Wik im BO caso be retcraed, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule ther. will be no exception.

IN¥Es

lo ==]

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Marce 26, 1892. CURIOUS OL A LAXATIVE, REFRESHING FRUIT LOZENCE, VERY ACREEABLE TO TAKE LAND WHE TAMAR _ coxsziganox. mes! INDIEN SE) lan to G R l L LO N. Waters MOREL BROS. , , COBBETT &SON|E. GRILLON, 69, Queen Street, City, London. OLD BY AL CHEM: N : “— p Soe: ¥: & B L EMISTS AND DRUGGISTS, 2g. Gd. A 7 Continue to be supplied to "18 & 19, rare te VEMEBIFE, (i (gamers ) CIGARS. — Her Majesty the Queen.

143, RBE@ gs TF lal BEWARE OF IMITATIONS OF BOTH RED ied | Stores, Inverness, N.8. | 4 Deiciess Weed of s ne frometic, THE AND BROWN LABELS Ip bandien ef 10 ( Postage / ~~. +R SRS. , 49, Strand, pes rem 14, Strand UAM- VAR amune IEP PS’S

CRATEFUL—COMFORTING. WHISKY. |.ssetatht rani | ome Sd: 0° OG OA in the World THE FAMOUS OLD SCOTCH. prevents Ot Bue Pure and Harm- BOILING WATER OR MILK. TO BE HAD EVERYWHERE. ts petdecy Peay Witire, lees materials. Sn aa tiED IN THE PALACE AMD THE SEIELING. Delicious to the Taste. Price 1s. BRINSMEAD PIANOS. - we ls parti of Ss Fever. and extracts » Gun i B BEST ~~ Rory id = oS woos. os onl ‘om’ sweet herbs an - ry to Rent toe JON Ee - naiawen world. de. 6d. per bottle e Pianoforte Mahew to 2, ee Che Pethpoes | of Wate, SIS & GRIEVE, EDINBURGH aad LOwpow. FLOBILINE TOOTH POWDER caly, Put up in glass jars. Price ls. i, W Setablish: shea A halla euntas —~" SA ys Bh M oF Ay : Prepared only by pony Raed, BC. Loses’ . ; Z ~ @h Forringden SG : lh a ro wee : Ny y Ee Be B's | ispiny of PIAMOND WoC LACES Ti ares, Bary, Gold by eats Sane yak the world ¥e ts é' elets, 8 soe, My =te ve es te quality Mog — Bro is, Pharm » Bey, (remnevea THE Pape the publie a8 me “ saci Fae ltaker eae . en Ko ! sta bilebed over te. | reper Purch snore may select & BB. . ny nn ve| THOMAS POWELL, Biscktrisrs Read, Lenten. | th ted ial des Goldsm em moun spec —E COLT'S NEW ere in UNITED STATES | GOLDSMITHS' COMPANY, HA NAVY REVOLVER 112, Regent Street, W. rf EOL INE for Ho ouse Protection, Travellers, and <n ‘ADAMS'S meen nn i at LICHTWING ¢ MACAZINE. Rl RIFLES. ! N FA N T S. FURNITURE Agents: B. HOVENDEN @ 8O™R, 1 nab nF POLISH.| | we SEES EVOLVER... | 1m Be Be Sand 1 | oupesr axp-aeer. "| JEWSBURY & BROWN'S ; Dut 0. Price List “Tx b — ann — dy's Newspaper) “ feels no ‘COLTS. ‘FIREARMS 6. is’ ree SAVORY & MOORE, LONDON, eee 7 -= } ae om ng it : y by ives nmongers, Oilmen, &e %, Glasshouse nm use St, Plecadilly Girens, London, W. AND SOLD EVERYWHERE. "Nanctactors SUMP FTELD

IMNEFORD'S MAGNESIA. ” tue STOMACH, HEARTBURN, Marvellous Effect ! ! HE G Dat CHR, GOU UT, aawewen aN. Preserves and Rejuvenates the HOOPING COUGH, | | Complexion. ayer ° . Pas te. ROCHE’s ae = € ithout internal Ep

_. = — = wicks £200 to be Given Away in SBaking Circular with full articulars @ oe ILA envelops each ablet. = =

Page 16

PUNCH, OR THE ; LONDON CHARIVARI—Marca 26, 1892.

ALL. WINE MERCHANTS AND GROCERS. } AT EVERY BAR AND BESTAURANT. | Por PLEASURE and PROFIT. FRUIT Nothing so Profitable and Easy te Grow. 74 ACRES IN STOCK. fee CATALOGUE for Gimple Ine pzagtions and kinds of Trees te suit all ROSES | HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS. BUSHES, 8s. per dosz., 60s. 100. Packing and Carriage Free for Cash w ith order |

ROSES in Pots, from 15s. per dos. | ORNAMENTAL TREES 91 ACRES. 4 ACRES OF CLASS. _ CLEMATIS 80,000), from 15s. per des. n Bingie Piants are sold at slightly increased prices. | | SEEDS and | Vegetable, Flower, | BULBS ! and Farm. DESCRIPTIVE LISTS FREE | RICHARD SMITH & CO., Worcester. | | DAMP WALLS. | ely cured cheaply . once done, iaste for ever Gearan result T F. CHAMBERS & ©O.. HULL vy “FOR THE BLOOD I8 THE LIFE.” GLARKE’S WORLD-FAMED | | } | — BLOOD ‘MIXTURE ed tod jeanse the bieod from al! impurities, auer arisin, For Scrofula, Scurvy, ‘akin ‘ona Bleed liseases, and Sores of al! cust are marvellous It is the only rea for Gowt and Rheumatic Pains, for it re aves from the bleod and Bones. In * O¢. and lis. each, of all Chemists. Pro incoin and Midland Counties Drug Co, Kewanee oF erecese Larrarions Aide a cock horse to Banbury Cross, vaso PC. To see a ¥0 Pemeve dirt and dross. , ) —~ mung, Ie a Ae ie ty Brand which'Wont Wash Clothes! Fort ¢ guar | fo alt : With t Brookes’ Monke

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A PURE SOAP ————————— A PURE SOAP | FOR OR DELICATE SKINS. DELICATE SKINS |

« Vinolia we : 1S A MILLED AND NOT A MERE BOILED SOAP Not coloured with poisons or rendered transparent with chemicals. Premier (for the Million), 4d. ; Floral, 6d.; Balsamic (Medical), 8d. ; Otto (Toilet), 10d, ; and Vestal, 2s. 6d. per tablet. Shaving Sticks, ls “ Vinolia” Cream (for Itching, Face Spots, Eczema, &ec.), ls. 9d. “ Vinolia” Powder (for the Toilet, Nursery, &c.), 1s. 9 “ Vinolia” Dentifrice, 2

Ham Steuart Smith, of No. 8, Loraine Read, Holloway, in the Parish of St. Mar: Islingt im the ounty < of Middlesex. at the Printin Vers of Mewers pees, Agnew, & Co., Limite Printed b ng ¢ Lasshard visaeh, tn the Procings of Wieebien ts Gn et tates and pw wblished by bigs ef No. 8 Pieet Street, ip the Parish of St. Lride, City of London. —Ss , March'26, lai. i ___—O EEE ______________________c_____

SOE — a PUBLISH ED EVERY SATURDAY. __wi,nmaten ti &