Punch 1892-02-20: Vol 102 Iss 2641

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Mr. By F. ANSTEY, Author of “Vice Versa.” he “ASK MAMMA,” Now Ready, price 6s. S AN iS ya hore A) A bili .: os . ry Punch’s Young “Handley Cross” Reciter. (From ‘‘Punch.”’) With 3£ Zilustrations. Price 3s. Ga. cloth, Sporting Novels SPONGE’S SPORTING TOUR, also Gs. < Se Tiare ce oe SE EST Sar Pe ous =n vt | Ni,

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Fesrvary 20, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 85 —_ JIM’S JOTTINGS. No. IL—RATS’-RENTS, THE RENTERS AND THE RENTED. | rIn which Grvozr Jimmy gives his views of Lazarus, Dives, Dirt, Mother | Church, Slum-Freeholders and “ Freedom of Contract.’’] “Tae Golgotha of Slumland!” That’s a phrase as I am told Is made use of by a party,—wich Ot way must be bold,— In the name of Mister Lazarus, a g Saint Pan- crage gent, | Wot has writ a book on Slumland, and its Land- lords, and its Rent.* | He's a Member of the ‘“‘ Westry ’Ealth Committee,” so it seems, And the story wot he tells will sound, to some, like ’orri ms. 3ut, lor bless yer! we knows better, and if sech ’eute coves as ’im Want to ferret hout the facks, they might apply to Grverr Jr. | There’s the mischief in these matters; them as knows won’t always tell. Wy, if you want to spot a “‘ screw,” or track upa bad smell, You ’ve got to be a foxer, for whilst slums makes topping rent, There will always be lots ’anging round to put yer off the scent ! | I can tell yer arf the right ’uns even ain’t quite in the know, And there ’s lots o’ little fakes to make ’em boggle, or go slow. Werry plorserble their statements, and they puts ’em nice and plain, And a erockidile can drop ’em when ’e once turns on the main. All the tenants’ faults; they likes it, dirt, and .—_. scrowging, and p walls! Z | They git used to’orrid odours! O the Landlord’s tear-drop falls | Werry often, when collecting of his rents, to see the ’oles | Where the parties as must pay ’em up prefers to stick, pore souls! | No compulsion, not a mossel! Ah, my noble lords and gents | Who are up in arms for Libbaty—that is, of paying rents— You’ve rum notions of Compulsion. Nocky SpRIGGINns sez, sez ’e, aaa got a chice of starving, or the workus, ain’t yer | ree. O yus, we’re free all round like; there ain’t ne’er a bloomin’ slave, | I ree 4 White or black, but wot is free enough—to pop into ’is grave ; Though if they ketch yer trying even that e, and yer fail, Yer next skool for teaching freedom ain’t the workus, but the jail! | ’Andcuffs ain’t the sole ‘‘ Compulsion,” nor yet laws ain’t, nor yet whips ; There is sech things as ’unger, and yer starving kids’ white lips, And bizness ties, a hempty purse, ealth, and ne’er a crust ; Swells may swear these ain’t Compuision, but we know as they means must, Ah! wot precious rum things words is, ’ow they seems to fog the wise ! | If they'd only come and look at things, that is with their hown heyes, And not filantropic barnacles or goldaan i lor! their blessed jor ! gigla: Wot a lob of grabs and gushers might shut up | The nobe who ’re down on workmen, ’cos on “ knobsticks” they will Town, Has a ’arty love for Libbaty—when keepin’ wages down. | Contrack ’s a sacred ’oly thing, freedom carnt ‘ave that broke, (joke. | But Free Contrack wot ’s forced on yer—wy, o’course, that sounds a If they knowed us and our sort, gents, they would know Free Con- _, track’s fudge, W hen one side ain’t a copper, ’as been six weeks on the trudge, Or ’as built his little bizness up in one pertikler spot, | And if the rent’s raised on ’im must turn hout, and starve or rot! Coarse words, my lords and ladies! Well, yer may as well be dumb, | As talk pooty on the questions wot concerns hus in the Slum. There ain’t nothink pooty in ’em, and I cannot ’elp but think Some of our friends ‘as spiled our case by piling on the pink. | Foxes ’ave oles, the Book sez ; well, no doubt they feels content, don’t ’ave to pay no rent; | For they finds, or makes, their ’ouses, and * Landlordiem, by Hexny Lazanrvs. oye nor sufficiently humorous for him to take But our ’oles—well, someone builds ‘em for us, such, in course, _ is kind, But it ain’t a bad investment, as them Landlords seems to find. The Marquiges and Mother Church pick lots of little plums, And the wust on ’em don’t seem to be their tty in slums, Oh, I'd like to take a Bishop on the trot around our court, And then arsk ’ow the Church spends the coin collected from our sort Wot's the use of pictering ‘orrors? Let ’im put ’is oly nose To Go pn of close hinspection ; let his wenerable Pick ¢, pathway through our gutter, let his gaiters our stairs ; And when ’e kneels that evening, I should like to ’ear ’is prayers | I’m afraid that in Rats’ Rents he mightn’t find a _ place to kneel Without soiling of his small clothes. Yus, to live in dirt, I feel Is a ’orrid degradation ; but one thing I’d like to iW, Is it wus than living on it? Let ’im answer; it’s his go. “All a blowing” ain’t much paternised, not down _ our Court, it ain’t. Wich we aren’t as sweet as iersons, not yet as fresh as paint ! For yer don’t get spicy breezes in a den all dirt and dusk, From a ‘apenny bunch o’ wallflower, or a penny plarnt o’ musk, Wot do you think? Bless yer ’earts, gents, I wos _ down some months ago With a bout o’ the rheumatics, and ‘ad got so precious low I wos sent by some good ladies, wot acrost me chanced to come— Bless their kindness !—to a ’evvin called a Conva- 03% lescent ’Ome. Phew! Wen I come back to Rats’ Rents, ’owI sickened of its smells, Arter all them trees and ’ayfields, and them laylocks and blue-bells, And sometimes I think—pertikler when I’m nabbed by them old pains— Wot a proper world it might be if it weren’t for dirt and drains. Who’s to blame for Dirt? Yer washups, praps it ain’t for me to say, But—I don’t think there’d be much of it if ’twasn’t made to pay / Who does it pay? The Renters or the Rented? I’ve no doubt When you spot who cops the Slum-swag—wy, yer won't be so fur out ! WRIGHT AND WRONG. ‘* We are getting on by leaps and bounds,” remarked Mr. WiLpEY Wrient, during a recent case. Whereat there was “laughter.” But Mr. Horace Browwe, for Plaintiff, * objected to remarks of this kind.” Then Mr. Justice CoLiins begged Mr. W. Wuicnt ** not to make such picturesque interjections.”” Later on, Mr. Horace Browne said to a Witness (whose name, ‘* Bursaox,” ought to have ' elicited from Judge or Counsel some apposite Shak —but it didn’t), ‘‘ Then you had him on toast.” I ' received with ‘* laughter.” But Mr. Wiper Waiont did not object to this. No! he let it pass without interruption, implying by his eloquent silence that such a remark was neither a “ picturesque ee to to £o,on he other day, in a County Court, a Barrister refu ao is ad done smiling! But -- it. with a case until the Judge | is another story.” Good Grace-ious! Two out of three, my Grace! That sounds a drubber. No chance for England now to ‘‘ win the rubber.” We deemed you romping in, that second Cable; But your team didn’t. Fact is, ’twasn’t Apex (Theaga ABEL in himself was quite a team). ell, well, your SuErrtetp blades met quite the cream Of Cornstalk Cricketers. Cheer up, cut in! ; And when March comes, make that Third Match a Win! We’re sure that while you hold the Captain’s place, Your men will win or lose with a good Grace! Sucoxstep Trrte ror aw Accoust or 4 Gonexous Baier or Uety Grets.—The Story of the Glittering Plain. VOL. CII,

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es CHARIVARL [Fesrvary 20, 1892, PUNCH, OR THE LONDON Ar My; ei iyi ~~ “STRAY SHEEP.” (As illustrated by Mr, Chamberlain in his Speech in the House on Thursday, February 11 ) **Taost SHEEP WHO NEVER HEARD THEIR SHEPHERD'S VOICE ; WHO DID NOT KNOW, YET WOULD NOT LEARN THEIR WAY ; WHO STRAYED THEMSELVES, YET GRIEVED THAT I SHOULD STRAY.”

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Fesrvany 20, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL . Ji, Y 7 . "1 fi 4 hy 4, a y, A y; 0/4 if A on | \ il mn . ; i N= PERFECTLY PLAIN. Young Wife. ‘‘On, I’m so nappy! How Is IT you’vE NEVER Marriep, Miss Prrmue?” Miss Prymme. ‘** My DEAR, I NEVER HAVE ACCEPTED—AND NEVER WOULD ACCEPT—ANY OFFER OF MARRIAGE!” [And then her Questioner began softly playing the old Air, ‘* Nobody axed you,” res > over | What herd like Josern could prevail ? | Plenty of food, and care no end THE TWO SHEPHERDS. Hils voles was heard o’er hill and dale ; i For all poor cheep; : [Mr. Jouw Morey was, on Feb. 6, at Newcastle-| He knew each sheep from head to tail But flocks would not get poor, my friend, on-Tyne, initiated a Hon. Member of the Loyal In vale or height, Had they good keep!” Order of Ancient Shepherds, and afterwards, in a And told whether ’twas sick or hale : speech in the People’s Palace, sharply criticised At the first sight. Fancy how Jor would cock a nose Mr. CHAMBERLAIN’s plan for Old Age Pensions, At “Cockney Jomy,” as certain foes expressing his preference for “more modest opera-| But Joz had a new-fangled plan Called Josern’s rival. Words like those tions” in the direction of relaxing and enlarging For feeding arzicient sheep. The man Part Shepherd swains. the provisions of the Poor Law.] Posed as a true Arcadian, Sad when crook-wielders meet as foes To the Tune of Burns’s “ The Twa Herds.” 7 - With a great gift On pastoral plains ! or zeal humanitarian, . 9 . ool rapes sad snd St, Combed with thi fs fre! Or ios By Bumble — hard as ~ omy But Jon replied, ‘‘Pooh-pooh! Your, Calling each sthee—wee - me !— AD stern as ty es; scheme names by turns ? And treated like mere waifs and crocks, Is but an optimistic dream, Shall we not say in diction free Or herded Smikes! Whose ‘ shadowy incentives’ seem ith Bossre Burns ? Two brother Shepherd thought The merest spooks. A. aaa Se sani ‘ Have somehow fallen out ond fought’ , Better the ancient a, I deem, a anit paces Soy haben d. Though each your welfare swore he sought ; Food, folds, and crooks. , oe . F , - , Come join your counsels and your skills What Flock “herding elves, ‘* You do not grapple with the case To cowe the lairds av can [—— +) Of poorest sheep, a numerous race. And get the —= power themscls es! As to the black ones, with what face oc e their is!’ O, earnest Jomy and jocund Jor, Claim care for such ? How could two Shepherds shindy so. ’Tis"hungry old sheep of good race | Old Light and New Light, con. and pro ? My feelings touch. ; _ Now dash my buttons! “y ’ Il cost md—and fail | THene is a good Justice named GRanTHAM, A squabbling pastor is a foe , | CaP Seneeee Wil) cos oo me a all. | Who tells lawyers truths that should haunt To all poor muttons. No sheep who ever twitched a tai There are seeds of reform {'em. = . So foolish is—I would not rail !— : : © Sirs, whoe’er would have expected ‘ho cemitien Shean In his speech, wise as warm That crook and pipe you ’d have neglected, I'd ‘modest operations’ hail, By foolish love of fight infected . But yours ?—absurd ! Concerning food ? | Sreranor put Trve.— When does a Hus- As though the sheep would have rejected ** Better reform, relax, extend band find his Wife out? When he finds her Aught that is good! The old provisions. 1 commend at home and she doesn’t expect him. ‘* And a Good Judge, too!” | And long may he flourish—to plant ’em!

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ——_—__ |Fesrvary 20, 1892. THE TRAVELLING COMPANIONS. No. XXVI. | Scewe—On the Lagoons. Cricnarp and Popsvry’s gondola is | | | nearing Venice. The apricot-tinted diaper on the facade of the Ducal Palace ia already distinguis , and behind its battle- arl-grey summits of the domes of St. Mark’s shim- mer in the warm air. CoULcnaRD and Popsvury hare hardly exchanged a sentence as yet. The former has just left i luqubriously whistling as much as he can remember of ** Che faro,” the latter is still humming ‘‘ The Dead March in Saul,” although in a livelier manner than at first. Culch. Well, my dear Popsvny, our—er—expedition has turned out rather disastrously ! Podb. (suspending the Dead March, chokily). Not mach mistake about that—but there, it’s no good talking about it. Jolly that brown and yellow sail looks on the fruit-barge there. See ? Culch. (sardonically). Isn’t it a little late in the day to be cultivating an eye for colour? I was about to say that those two girls have treated us in- famously. I say deliberately, my dear Pop- BURY, infamously ! Podb. Now drop it, Corcmarn, do you hear ? I won't hear a word against either of them. It serves us jolly well nght for not knowing our own minds better—though I no more dreamed that old Bos would—— Oh, hang it, I can’t talk about it yet! Culch. That's childishness, my dear fellow ; you ought to talk about it—it will do you good. And really, I’m not at all sure, after all, that we have not both of us had a fortunate escape. One is very apt to—er—overrate the fascinations of persons one meets abroad. Now, neither of those two was quite—— Podb. (desperately). Take care! I swear I'll pitch you out of this gondola, unless you stop that jabber ! Culch, (with wounded dignity). I am willing to make great allowances for your state of mind, Popsvury, but such an expression as—as jabber, — to my—er—well-meant attempts at con- solation, and just as 1 was about to propose an arrangement—really, it’s too much! The mo- ment we reach the hotel, I will relieve you from any further infliction from (bitterly) what you are pleased to call my “ jabber!” Podb. (sulkily). Very well—’m sure I don’t care! (To himself.) Even old CvtcuHarp won’t have anything to do with me now! 1 must have somebody to talk to—or I shall go off my head! (Aloud,) I say, old chap! (No answer.) Look here—it’s had enough as it is without our having arow! Never mind anything I said. Culch. I do mind—I must. I am not accus- tomed to hear myself called a—a jabberer ! Podb. 1 didn't call you a jabberer—I only said you talked jabber. I—TI hardly know what I do say, when I'm like this. And I’m deuced sorry I spoke—there ! Culch. (relaxing). jabber ? Podb. Certainly, old chap. I like you to talk, only not—not against Her, you know! What were you going to propose ? Culch. Well, my idea was this. My leave is practically unlimited —at least, without vanity, I think I may say that my Chief suf- ficiently appreciates my services not to make a fuss about a few extra days. So I thought I'd just run down to Florence and Naples and perhaps catch a P. & O. at Brindisi. I suppose you’re not tied to time in any way? Podb. (dolefully). Free as a bird! If the Governor had wanted me back in the City, he ’d have let me know it. Well ? Culch. Well, if you like to come with me, I—I shall be very pleased to have your company. _Podb. (considering). 1 don’t care if I do—it may cheer me upa bit. Florence, eh ?—and Naples? I shouldn’t mind a look at Florence. Or Rome. How about Rome, now ? Culch. \to himself). Was I wise to expose myself to this sort of thing again ? I’m almost sorry |—— (A/oud.) My dear fellow, if we are to travel together in any sort of comfort, you must leave all details to me. And there’s one thing I do insist on. In future we must keep to our original resolution—not to be drawn into an chance acquaintanceship. 1 don’t want to reproach you, but if, when we were first at Brussels, you had not allowed yourself to get 80 intimate with the Trorrers, all this would never-—— ments the Well, do you withdraw “ Reads with a gradually lengthening countenance.” Podb. (exasperated). There you go again! I can’t stand being jawed at, Cutcnarp, and I won't! — J Culch. I am no more conscious of “jawing” than “‘jabbering,” and if that is how I am to be spoken to——! Podb. I know. Look here, it’s no use. You must go to Florence by yourself. I simply don’t feel up to it, and that’s the truth. | shall just potter about here, till—till they go. . Culch i you choose. I gave you the opportunity—out of kind- ness. If you prefer to make yourself ridiculous by hanging about here, it’s no concern of mine. I daresay I shall enjoy Florence at least as well by myself. [He sulks until they arrive at the Hotel Dandolo, where they are received on the steps by the Porter. Porter. Goot afternoon, Schendlemen. You have a bleasant dimes at Torcello, yes? Ach! you haf gif your gondoliers vifdeen frane ? Zey schvindle you, oal ze gondoliers alvays schvindles eferypody, es! Zere is som ledders for you. I vetch zem. [He bustles away. Mr. Bellerby (sudden! ey — a recess in the entrance, as he recognises CuLCHARD). Why, bless me, there’s a face I know! Met at Lugano, didn’t we? To be sure—very pleasant chat we had too! So you ’re at Venice, eh? I know every stone of it by heart, as | needn’t say. The first time I was ever at Venice—— Culch, (taking a bulky envelope from the Porter). Just so—how are you? Er—will you fife pene th i} d finds a blue official e opens the envelope an a blue official- looking enclosure, which he reads with a adually lengthening countenance. Mr. B. (as Curcnarn thrusts the letter an- | grily into his pocket). You’re new to Venice, | | think ? Well, just let me give you a word of advice. Now you are here—you make them give you some tunny. Insist on it, Sir. Why, when I was here first—— Culch, (impatiently). | know. I mean, you told me that before. And I have tasted tunny. Mr. B. Ha! well, what did you think of it ? Delicious, eh? Culch. (forgetting all his manners), Beastly, Sir, beastly! (Leaves the scandalised Mr. B. abruptly, and rushes off to get a telegram form at the bureau. Mr. Crawley Strutt (pouncing on Poppvry in the hall, as he finishes the perusal of his letter). Excuse me—but surely I have the honour of addressing Lord Greorce GumpieTon? You may perhaps just recollect, my Lord——? | odb. (bankly). Think you’ve made a mis- take, really. Mr. C. S. Is it possible! I have come across so many people while I’ve been away that—but surely we have met somewhere? Why, of course, Sir Jonw Jusper! you must pardon me, Sir Jonn—— Podb. (recognising him). My name’s Pop- BURY—plain Popsury, but you’re quite right. You have met me—and you’ve met my boot- maker too. ‘‘ Lord Uppersote,” eh? That’s where the mistake came in! : Mr. C. 8. (with hauteur), I think not, Sir; I have no recollection of the circumstance. I see now your face is quite unfamiliar to me. [He moves away ; Poppury gets a telegram form and sits down at a table in the hall opposite CULCHARD. Culch. (reading over his telegram). ‘* Yours just received. returning er Va ‘ Podb. (do., do.). ** Letter to hand. No end sorry. Start at once.’ Wiring to Florence for room, eh ? Am (Seeing CULCHARD.) s Culch. Er—no. The fact is, I’ve just heard from my Chief—a—a most intemperate communication, insisting on my instant return to my duties! I shall have to humour him, I suppose, and leave at once. Podb. 80 shall I. No end of a shirty letter from the Governor. Wants to know how much longer I expect him to be tied to the office. Old humbug, when he only turns up twice a week for a couple of hours! . Porter. Peg your bardons, Schendlemen, but if you haf qvide done vid ze schtamps on your ledders, I gollect bostage schtamps, yes. rs Culch. (irritably fiinging him the envelope). Oh, confound it all, take them. Jdon’t want them! (He looks at his letter once more.) I say, Popsury, it—it’s worsethan I thought. This thing’s a week old! Must have been lying in my rooms all this time—or else in that infernal Italian post !

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= do | are, we may as well travel home Fesrvarr 20, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. I say, I wouldn’t be you for something ! turn up? wz look here—as things er, eh? Culch. (with a an of resentment). In spite of my tendency to “jaw” and “jabber” ? J : : Podb. Oh, never mind all that now. We’re companions in mis- fortune, you know, and we’d better stick together, and keep each other's spirits up. After all, you’re in a much worse hat than Podb. Whew, old chap! Won't you catch it when Iam: Culch. Tf that’s the way you to keep my spirits up! — But let us keep together, ee all means, if you wish t and just go and find out the next train starts, you? (To himself, as Popscry departs.) I must put up with him a little longer, I suppose. me! How differently 1 should be feeling now, it Hrpatra had only been true to herself. But that’s all over, und | derceny it's bates ae,» » 5 SeneanaS d hie Chief? [He strolls into t '-garden. ins to read his ief’s missive once more, in the hope SO ieciphering some faint encouragement between the lines. FINIS. A TENNYSONIAN FRAGMENT. So in the village inn the Poet dwelt. His honey - dew was one ; the ch, is cousin’s her empty labour, , But still he sniffed it, still And li the broidered flowers. Then came his land- lord, paying in broad Scotch, ‘** Smoke plug, mon,” whom he looked at doubtfally. Then came the grocer, saying, ** Hae some twist At tippence,” whom he answered with a qualm. But when they left him to himself again, Twist, like a fiend’s breath from a __ distant room Diffusing through the passage, crept; the smell Despenns had power upon him, e mixt His fancies with the billow-lifted ; y ~ AP Of Biseay, and the rollings of a ship. And on that night he made a little song, And called his song ** The Song of Trost and Plug,” And sang it: scarcely could he make or sing. ‘* Rank is black plug, though smoked in wind and rain ; And rank is twist, which gives no end of pain ; I know not which is ranker, no, not I. ‘Plug, art thou rank? Then milder twist must be ; Plug, thou art milder ; rank is twist to me. O Twist, if plug be milder, let me buy. ** Rank twist, that seems to make me fade away, Rank plug, that navvies smoke in loveless clay, I know not which is ranker, no, not I. ‘*T fain would purchase flake, if that could be ; I needs must purchase plug, ah woe is me! Plug and a cutty, a cutty, let me buy.” CompLicatep Case.—The other day, an Italian O pines was arrested for having shot one GruseprePu. “* He itted the charge” (we quote the Globe), “‘ but said the gun went off acci- dentally.” ena Gentleman ‘‘ admits the charge” (though indeed it was the other one who did that), how the gun went seems to be a matter of secondary importance. Tue Name anp Tae Turxe.—A vote of thanks to Sir CHaRtes Russet, after his address to the Liberal and Radical Association, was carried by a Wapping Majority. A LATTERDAY VALENTINE. (Lear Year: New Srviz.) (From Miss Anastasia Jay, New York, to Thomas, Earl of Dunbrowne, London, ) VALENTINES plebeian But their disappearance Cannot fix an Earl— | Beats me to explain. Tromas, I adore thee !— “ Tromas” is thy name, Isn’t it ?—the more the Scandal and the shame ! All I ask you, Tom, is Just one loving line, I’m as you may see, an Ardent Yankee girl. Nothing you ‘ll find| here, No old-fashioned lay ; Say then, you ’ll be mine, dear, n the modern way. You (we haven't met as _Yet I must record) in Debrett as t~and-out a Lord: A enitie ~ hg thousand, a score— meer. bashful vows, Think this matter o’er. Birth was Morma’s py, As the New York Herald Mentioned when she died. Well, my pile ’s a million, That ’s a fact, you bet: I’m in our coti Quite the Broadway Pet : I can sing like Parrt; And to win I went For the Cincinnati Tennis Tournament. | I’ve a lovely right hand ; | For my face I’ve sat By electric light—and Elegant at that! I enclose the photo, Just for you to see, But deny in toto That it flatters me. | You, I’ve read, are rather “Up the Spout ” for Cc , Owing to your father | Having been so splash : | I from debt could free you, And in Politics Calculate to see you” Bagging all the tricks. One type-written promise Publishing you mine. Matrimony’s heart is Houselike, ** half-detached,” Seldom save at parties Or in papers matched— Answer * Yes,” or break ‘ll This heart of mine. Be my Vin-de-Siécle, Be my Valentine ! Any Earl who marries Anastasia Jay — Will (except in Paris) Get his little way, Fear no interference ; Relatives remain,— Query sy A Derressep Convatescert.—‘' This Influenza is nothing new, nor is the Microbe. Wasn't Microsrvs an ancient classic writer? Didn’t he treat this subject historically? There's evidently some confusion of ideas somewhere. As Hamlet says :— ‘0, cursed spite That ever I was born to set it right.’ But I ion, that ‘set it right’ shows that Hamlet was a pat 1 bes pee ie Excuse me. ‘To bed! To bed!’” Sap Tuovent mx my own Lipeany.—I am a stranger among " ing on their shelves, they all turn their backs on me. oe my I find among them a new one, a perfect stranger to me, I cut him.

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$$$. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Fesrvary 20, 1892, | HOSPITALITY. Jir Bonamy Crassus gives seven Dinner Parties a week, and expects his Friends to come and choose their own day, and inscribe their Names and the Date on the Dinner-Book in the Hall.) Fair Visitor. “Loox, Grorcz! Wepwespay, THe 17TH, THE FETTERBYS ARE COMING. THAT'LL DO CAPITALLY!” (Writes down *' Mr. and Mrs. Topham Sawyer, Feb. 1\7th.”) ‘‘ AND THERE'S ROOM FOR ONE MORE. LET'S DRIVE ROUND TO EMILY's, AND GET HER TO COME AND PUT HER NAME DOWN For THE SAME Day!” CAS ‘ re |fully suggestive of life-sized figure of tombstone-mourner, he ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. \intoned his lamentation—“is not fitted for the part, and conse- EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, MP. i overdoes it. L’ Allegro is his line, I! Penseroso does not suit him. House of Commons, Monday, February 8.—The coming of Prince | Everyone glad when, sermon over, and the black-edged folios Axruur anxiously looked for as Members gathered for last | put aside, the Squire began business. Happy enough in his attack Session of a memorable Parliament. When, in August last, he, | on Joxr, always a telling subject in present House of Commons. | with the rest of us, went away, Orp Moratrry still sat in| ‘He is,” says Sack or Queen Anve’s Gare, drawing upon his Leader's place. He was, truly, just then absent in the flesh, already | theatrical experiences, ‘like the Policeman in the Pantomime ; wasting with the dire disease that carried him off. It was Joxr | always safe for a roar of laughter if you bonnet him or trip him up who occupied the place of Leader; Prince Arruvr, content to sit | over the doorstep.” lower down. It seemed to some that when vacancy occurred Joxrm,| For the rest, as Prince ArTHur pointed out when he came to that veteran Child of Promise, would step in, and younger men wait reply, Squire’s speech had very little to do with the Address, on their tarn. But youth of certain quality must come to the front, as |W ich it was ostensibly based. Couldn’t resist temptation of BowaParte testified even before he went to Italy, and as Prrr| enlarging on financial science forthe edification of the unhappy showed when the Rockingham Administration went to pieces. JOKIM. Prince AkTHUR came in shortly after four o'clock. House fall, ** Finance,” observed Dicky Tempxe, “‘is Harcovrt’s foible.” _ especially on Opposition Benches; faint blush suffused ingenuous| ‘‘ Yes,” said Jennrnes, whom everyone is glad to see back in cheek as welcoming cheer arose. Seemed to know his way to | better health, ‘‘ and funeral sermons are his forte.” Leader’s -— , and took it naturally. Pretty to see Joxru dropin| Through nearly hour and half the Squire mourned and jibed, on one side of him with Matrnews on the other, buttressing Lim | Prince ARTHUR Rtssine attentively, all unconscious of the Shades about with financial reputation and legal erudition. Tableau | hovering about the historic seat in which he lounged, as nearly as quite undesigned, but none the less effective. Prince ARTHUR, young, | possible, at full length—O_p Moratrry, kindly generous, pleased in hot-tempered and, though not without parts, prone to commit errors | another’s prosperity ; Starrorp NorTucore, marvelling at the mad- of judgment. But with Joxrw at his left shoulder, and Hewryr | ness of a world he has not been loth to quit; Dizzy tickled with the | Marruews at his right, humble citizens looking on from opposite | whole situation, though perhaps a little shocked to see a Leader of Benches, felt a sweet content. On such a basis, the Constitution | the House resting apparently on his shoulder-blades in the seat might stand any blast. | where from 1874 to 1876 there posed an upright statuesque figure with In absence of Mr. G., who still dallies with the sunshine of | folded arms and mask-like face, lit up now and then by the gleam of Riviera, Seurre or Matwoop, fresh from hunting in the New | eyes that saw everything whilst they seemed to be looking no whither. Forest, more than fills the place of Leader of Opposition. A favour- | Pam was there, too, with slightly raised eyebrows as they fell on the able opportunity for distinguishing himself marred by accidental | youthful form already installed in a place he had not reached till he prevalence of funereal associations. was almost twice the age of the newcomer. Jounnwy RUSSELL, “The Squire,” said Piunwxet—watching him as, with legs | scowled at the intruder under a hat a-size-and-half too big for his reverently crossed, and elbow sympathisingly resting on box, care-! legs. Cawwrve looked on, and thought of his brief tenure of the

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Frsrvary 20, 1892. = = A) _ | \ \\ ; = ue ms hah \' = y N ABA) 2 = py ‘oe | \ lil me (i j whi” : | — | t (| Wh Mi ' \ ’ IW } | \} | i HH | | | i] i | | } “THE COMING OF ARTHUR.” Suave or Paw. “ H/M! A LITTLE YOUNG FOR THE PART,—DON’T YOU THINK ’” Suape or Duzy. “WELL, YES! WE HAD TO WAIT FOR IT A GOOD MANY YEARS!—BUT I THINK HE’LL DO!!” Senet

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Fepruary 20, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 93

same place whilst the century was young. Still further in the shade Pr TT joined the group. We fell at least he was even younger when he came to our place,” Pam whispered in Dszzy’s ear, startling him as he ryt 4 tou ched his cheek with the straw he still seems to hold in his e did when Jonw Leecn was alive. “> rince ARTHUR, facing the crowded Opposition Benches, of course saw nothing of this; lo and listened smilingly as the Squire, having shaken u Joxr« and his one-pound notes, went off to Exeter to pummel the MARKISs. Business done.—Address moved. Wednesday.—Evidently going to be an Agricultural Labourer’s Session. Small Holdings Bill put in fore- front of Programme. District Councils hinted at. In this situation it was stroke of genius, due I believe to the MaRKIss that such happy selection was made of | Me over of Address. “It’s trifles that make up the mass, | my dear nephew,” the Marxiss said, when | this matter was being discu in the tecess. ** No detail is so small that we can | afford toomit it. It was a happy thought | of yours, perhapsa little too subtle for some intellects, to associate CuaPrirn with Small Holdings. In this other matter, let me | have my way. Put up Hopes to move the | Address. It will be worth 10,000 votes in | the agricultural districts. I ‘suppose he wouldn’t like to come down in a smock frock with a whip in his hand? Don’t know why he shouldn’t; = as reason- | able as a civilian getting 7 up asa | Colonel or an Admiral. With Hones ina smock frock moving the Address we'd | sweep the country. But that I must leave o you; only let us have Hoper.” So it was arranged. But Member for Accrington wouldn’t stand the smock- frock. Insisted upon coming out in war- | like uniform. Trousers a litt wate ogo Orator Hodge (in mufti) the knees, and jacket perha e ; tasselly. But made ve g speech i in “the circumstances, Business done.—Bills brought in by the half hundred. Thursday Night.—Things been rather dull hitherto. House as it J were lying under a pall, ee man,” as O’Hantow says, ‘‘ not knowing moment may his next.” Still on Debate on Address. resumed RB. -] CHAMBERLAIN ste ring and took off his coat. When Members saw the faithful Jesse bring in and vinegar-bottle, knew there would be some sport. Anticipation not disappointed. Jog in fine fighting form. Went for the SqurRE or Matwoop round after round; occasionally turned to aim a “‘wonner” at his ‘ Right Hon. Friend” Joun Moruey. Conservatives delighted ; had always thought just what Jor was say- ing but hadn’t to put their ideas into such easily fleeting arbed yee . once was there any, shade on the faces o the country tlemen opposite. That spread when Jor proposed to quote the ™ = CHURCHILL.” “No, no,” said Lord Henry Bruce in audible whisper, “ he 4 better leave Granpotrn alone. Never’ knew he wrote poetry. he did, there's lots of others. y, when we ‘re going on so Tar, why drag in CuvrcHitt ?” only momentary. Conservative cheers rose again and again as Jor, turning a mocking face, and shaking a minatory fore - at ive monumental figure of the guileless Squire oF as Joun Morter, eh rare eutbapet of . pre- in the centre of the Libe Camp, Liberal principles, Liberal measures, and his ae pies that, some hours later, 0’ Hanon, rising speaking on another turn of the Debate, hes i into ' and old Liberal po En After this it was sth from a Bench, and should observe, in loud voice eye fixed in fine frenz nape of the Squire’s neck, as he sat on the Front Bench with folded “*I do not believe in the Opposition , who have split up my Party, and are now living on its bl Business done.—Joseru turns and rends hie Besthres. Friday Night.—In Commons night wasted by re-delivery of hes e last year by Irish Members pleading for amnesty for itards. Jonw Repmowp began it. No Irish Member could this scene, so one after another they trotted out bar = yester- yee. teal a ete B much more use occupied in discussing on Fog. MIpDLETON moved for flared Conus Commission. Marxiss drew fine dis- tinction. “ you oe want to remedy,” he said, ‘‘ is not the itself, but its esloar ad ther seemed to like the fox, per se, if y his fancy in matter of colour gratified Didn't sention what colour he preferred; but fresh difficulty looming out of the fog evident. Tastes differ. If every man is to have his own particular coloured fog, our last state will be worse than the first. Business done.—None.

—

AN INFLUENZA SONG. Arm—“ Oh, we're all noddin’.” Ou, we’ ve none coddlin’, ‘od, cod, coddlin’ ; Oh, we’ve none coddlin’ At our house at home ! Ha!—my Father has a cough— Now—my Mother has a wheeze ; What!! my Brother has a In forehead, arms, chest, So—we ’ve three coddlin’, &c. How my eldest Sister aches From her forehead to her toes ! And my second Brother’s eyes Are weeping either side his nose. So—we ’ve five coddlin’, &c. There’s my eldest Brother down With a pain all round his head, Ah! I’m the caly one who’s u Oh! 0 . I'll go to So —were ’re ‘all coddlin’, ra As ; —_ — om Port, rders Burgundy, Champagne, Good living and anal Why we none of us complain, Ww hile we ’re—all coddlin’, Cod, cod, coddlin’, While we ’re all coddlin’ At our house at home! By a Swart Wesrerw. Orientals ee off their shoes on entering a ry: We re- move our hats on on symbolical ; one outside ; look

| Has gota little loose; them weigh : Unseawo' at most. Beware the overha Beware lest down

Both | the news. leaves a> cen ee

Your rigging (“rigging ’ on and knees. | By other folk than seamen —— An overhaul, you do indeed. In vain to , blazon ** London’s As figure- head, if thus yan yee part rthy; in vain to boast Your ** boom ”’—a’ ‘cranky boom We rate you, we who pay your rates: hauling fates The sport and puppet of the blast. Mrs. R Acary.—To our enasiiont, old lad She commnenaes aon the Coun “An Arti eleton.” d where did they find the skeleton of the Arti HORACE IN LONDON. To rue County Councit, (AD REMPUBLICAM.) New vessel, now returning ship From this thy tried and trial trib, Refit in dock awhile: I fear s a trifle ’ is a

youn Your sails (or purchases ?) should The ean Press—that ‘on ; This constant playing to ‘the Will scarcely weather blus- t—. % Beh ey Law I always et you a bore, ae < — But never eed oo so much before t you with a frugal mind Te sai sail not quite su near the wind, convalescent, her niece was reading act eae one — | rare’ Mauser you go ‘at last

a) y, ‘‘ murder

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI [Faprvary 20, 1892, ————_ —_——_ IN THE SEAT OF WISDOM. At a meeting of the Drury Lane I of Freemasons, said the Daily Telegraph, ** with all due solemnity was Mr. 8. B. Baycrorr installed in the Chair of King |Soromon.” This, whether an easy chair or not, ought | to be the seat of wisdom. Poor Sotomon, the very much | married man, was not, however, particularly wise in his | latter days, but, of course, this chair was the one used by | the Great pe Master Mason before it was taken from | under him, and he fell so heavily, ** never to rise again.” | How fortunate for the Drury Lane Masons to have | obtained this chair of Sotomon’s. No doubt it was one | of his wise descendants, of whom there are not a few in | the paemnen of Drury Lane, who consented to part with this treasure to the Masonic Lodgers. So here's King Soromon Busy Bancrort’s good health! ‘ Point, left, right! One, two, three!” (They drink.) } A Query br “ Pen.”’—There was a “* Pickwick Exam.” |invented by Catvertry the Inimitable. Why not a _ |** Pendennis” or “‘ Vanity Fair” Exam.? 4 propos, | . would just ask one question of the Thackerayan student, A) jand it is this :—There was one Becky whom everybody ' | knows, but there was another Becky as good, as kind, as Me pe yee and as simple, as the first Becky was bad cruel, selfish, and cunning. Where is Becky the Second m | to be found in W. M. Tuackeray’s Works ? A | an ee ‘ | 4 Her Nore anp Query.—Mrs. R. was listening to a ghost-story. ‘‘ After all,” observed her nephew, “ the question is, is it true? True, or not true ‘there’s the rub!’” ‘Ah! ‘there’s the rub!’” repeated our old friend, meditatively. ‘I wonder if that expression is the origin of the proverb, ‘Truth is stranger, than | Friction ?’” Locat CoLrour.—*‘ I should like to give all my creditors a dinner,”’ quoth the io and hospitable Own On-- |rounp. ‘* Where shall I have it?” ‘* Well,” replied | his old friend Joz Kosvs, ‘‘ have it at Duns Table.” Crry Mex.—“ Hope springs eternal,” and the motto for a probable Lord Mayor in the not very dim and distant future must be “* Knill desperandum.” AN INCOMPLETE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Does anp Cats—(CorresPonDENce.)—Sir,—A recent Ethel. “Wat's THE MATTER, Mawmua?” letter to the Spectator mentions the case of a man who Mamma, “EYHel, THERE ARE YOUR New GOLF THINes susT come, THAT 1| “ barked like a dog in his sleep.” The writer would like ORDERED FOR YoU FROM EDINBORO, AND—JISN’T IT PROVOKING !—Tuey ‘ye | to know if anyone has ever ad a similar experience. ACTUALLY FORGOTTEN rag Links!” Well, Sir, I knew a whole family of Barxens, but | ~ never heard them bark. I knew three Carrs, sisters, os ae who kept a shop, and came from Cheshire; yet they were very OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. serious persons, and never grinned. Since this experience I have Proresson Husert Herxomwer has “ dried his impressions,” and 4 pony pd the &e eshire specimen of the feline a os given them to the public ina handsome volume brought out by SS SS nant a - Macmittan & Co, It is all interesting even to a non-artistic laic, for there is much “‘ dry point” of general application in the Profes- sor’s lectures. Yet, amid all his learning and his light-hearted style, there is occasionally a strain of melancholy, as when he pic- tures himself to us as ‘‘ etching and scratching on a bed of burr.” Painful, very; likewise Dantesque,—infernally Dantesque. But there is another and a more cheerful view which the Baron prefers to take, and that is, the word-picture which the Professor gives us of his little room in his Bavarian home, where he says, ** Under the seat by the table are my bottles”—ah! quite Rabelaisian this !—** with the mordants, and my dishes for the plates.” Isn't this rare! ‘‘I should add, there is a stove near the door.” O Sybarite! Doesn't this suggest the notion of a delightful little dinner @ deur! With “the mordants,”—which is, of course, a generic name for sauces of varied piquancy,—and with his “dishes” artistically prepared and set be ore *‘the plates,” as in due order they should be, he is as correct as he is original. A true bon vivant. The Baron highly commends the book, which only for the rare etchings it contains, is well worth the attention of every amateur of Art, and that he, the Baron, may, one of these days. dine with him, the Professor, is the sincere wish of his truly, and every body else's truly, Tue Baron pe Boox- Worms. “ Stcrr anp (wo) Nonsense !”—‘ Begorra, ’tis an ill wind that GA PR blows nobody any good,” said The O'Gorman Dizer, when he heard LE L IMPROVEMENTS. that on account of the Influenza there was a — dispensation from Tue CHAXcERY JUDGES WILL BE EXPECTED TO TAKE THE INFAXT fasting and abstinence throughout the United Kingdom. Surroks ovT FoR AN AIRING IN THE Park. N.B.—AFrTER 4 P.M.

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Fesrvary 20, 1892.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. / { “ 4% j \, A) I! faey i I a4 i ao et Y, "9 s ESTMINGTER Rowe y WAX - WORK \ New FIGURES inteenvteo “2 a4 « ” Arce THE WESTMINSTER WAXWORK SHOW FOR THE SESSION 1892.

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——_——___ [Fesrvary 20, 1892.

—__—___

96 , PUNCH, OR THE

THE PLEASURES OF SHOOTING. 1s A LITTLE WILD. Arter Luxwcngon Tae “ Beatine’ LONDON CHARIVARLI. | 5, WEATHER REFORM. Srr,—Acquiescence in the state of the weather is no longer comme il faut. Bombarding the Empyrean is as | little regarded as throwing stones at arr that they may make reprisals with cocoa-nuts ; yet the success of the rain-makers is very doubtful. Their isses even are disallowed by many considerable authorities. The little experiment which I propose to submit to the meteorological officials is founded on a fact of universal experience, and, if successful, would be of immense utility. Every smoker must be aware that the force of the wind varies inversely as the number of matches, On an absolutely still day, with a heavy pall of fog over the streets, the striking of the last match to light a pipe is invariably accompanied by a breeze, just strong enough to extinguish the nascent flame. Now if two or three thousand men simultaneously struck a last match, the resulting wind would be of very respectable strength , | —anemometer could tell that. | My proposal then, is this. When anticyclonic con- | ditions next prevail, and the great smoke-cloud incubates its cletch of microbes, let some 5,000 men, vided at the public expense with a pipe of tobacco and one match each, be stationed in the City, at every corner and along the streets, like the police on Lord Mayor’s Day. Ata given signal, say the firing of the Tower guns, each man strikes fis match. Judging from the invariable result in my own case, this would be followed by 5,000 puffs of wind of sufficient strength to extinguish the lights, or, better still, to give the 5,000 men some thirty seconds of intense anxiety, while the wind plays between their fingers and over their hands and round the bowls of their pipes. Multiplying the men by the seconds (5,000 x 30) | you get approximately the amount of the wind, in wear and tare and tret. If this experiment were conducted on a duly extensive scale sonal Latin; say at Brixton, Kensington, Holloway and Stepney; there can be no doubt that a cyclone would be established, and the fog effectually dissipated. The cost would be slight, and the pipe of to would afford a welcome treat to many a poor fellow out of work in these hard times. Yours obediently, The Cave, Xiolian Road, 8.W. PETER PPIPER.

ROBERT’S CURE FOR THE HINFLUENZY. I mores as I shall not be blamed for my hordacity in writin as I am writin, but it’s reelly all the fault of my good- | natred Amerrycan frend. He says as it’s my bounden dooty to do | | these here, keep the pot a bilin’ so to speak ; | here cold seeson, not the Thin Turtel of Summer. so, if ony to prove the trooth of the old prowerb that tells us, “* that Waiters rushes in where Docters fears to tread!” He’s pleased to say as he has never bin in better helth than all larst Jennewerry at the Grand Hotel, and that he owes it all to my sage adwice. ** Allers let Nater be your Dick Tater!” In depressin times like and stand firm to the three hesses, Soup, Shampane, and Sunlight. The Soup must be Thick Turtel, such as Natur purwides in this The Shampane must be Rich Clicko, or the werry best Pummery, sitch as you can taste the ginerous grapes in, pot the pore dry stuff as young Swells drinks, they’re told as how it’s fashnabel; and the Sunlight can ginerally be got if you knows where to look for it. | For instance now, in one of the cold foggy days of last month, my | Amerryean frend said to me, ‘‘ What on airth, Ropert, can a gen- tleman find to do on sitch a orful day as this?” So sez I, “* Take a Cab to Wictoria Station, and go to the Cristel Pallis, wark about in the brillient sunshine as you will find there a waiting for you, for about two howers, not a moment longer, then cum strait back, and you shall find a leviy lunch.” And off he went, a larfing to think how he would emuse himself when he came back by pitching into pore me. But it does so oe as Waiters ain’t not quite so deaf as sum peeple thinks’em, and I’ve offen ’erd peeple say, thatamost always, if you sees the Sun a trying for to peep thro the fog, and see how we all gits on without him, a atte way out of town, on an ‘ill, you will see him a shining away like fun! Well, xacly at 2°30, in cums my frend, a grinnin away like the fablus Chesher Cat, and he says, says he, why Mr. Ropert, you ’re a reglar conjurer! It was xacly as you prosefied! I had two hones, glorious stroll in the Cristel Pallis Gardings in the lovly sunshine ! Hin ten minutes’ time he was seated at a purfekly luvly lunch,

and a peggin away with sitch a happytight as princes mite enwy ! EE ——EE

| |

In times like these, dine out reglar either two or three times a week, and ae prmareny, but wisely, not too well, and on receiving the accustom At, think of the ard times ee pore hag <4 to pass thro lately, and dublin oe ewen tribbel the ac- eustumd Fee. You’ll never miss it, but, on the contrairy, will sleep all the sounder for it. Never read no ac- counts in N Ts of hillnesses and sich- like, and keep a few little sixpences in your ticket pocket; then if a pore woman arsks you if you have a mny to spare, say no, ut praps this will do as well, give her a sixpence, and then see her | of esto- nished rapeher, aye, and ewen — it to some small degree. Check a frown, and encouridge a smile, and the one will wanish away, and the other dewelope into a Let your principle vir- as 4 tues be ginerosity and ope, and allers look on the brite side of ewery- think, as the Miller onid te the Sweep. Rosext.

A Homan Parapox.—The man who gives away his friends without losing them.

CH NOTICE —Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether M8., Printed Matter, Dra im no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed or Pictures of any description, wii Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule

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ae OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Fesrvaryr 20, 1892. je CHAS. CAMERON, ee admirably adapted to the wante of infants” ° In ATENT r AIR - Ti TIGHT TINS. NEAVE’S. FOOD # EST. ESTABLISHED 1825. De. BARTI BES ,a ores. rr ye ne Tbe Pet and Bowe UN OR ee S. & H. HARRIS’S | S. & H. HARRIS’S HARNESS COMPOSITION EBONITE BLACKING ssearneett Waesenracet m4 Boots, — and SADDLE PASTE POLISHING PASTE. ATERPRO Por Crzavinoe Merate axp Grass. s.& H. HARRIS. Manufactory: LONDON, B. THE BRINSMEAD PIANOS. G. B. Paneter ae DuISSM HAD SOR. Oe | — LUXURIOUS FINE CUT BRIGHT T TOBACCO. ps “Ww Moe eres | AEERINCGS ot2, GARTULARY BD are ech rat LSTTES, GOUT, & EIDWEY COMPLAINS. OL Fe teteen att eoations “Certainly seems to deserve its name.”—Laxcer. ia es The Rules of which & a Pare with every . uninterry aed WITHOUT ANY INCREASE in the 48s. per Doz. PRIC C P RICE, CARRIAGE PAID, (ieRRYS RANDY. saad Cartulary- ~Halma. | : 4. EeoRany Aisi GEO. BAON & aa The Best loiqueun |, Dawe wansucnixy nel ae Devonshire Square, London. q 1, Ross Staser, Loxpox, BC. ; ——™ WELCOME ALWAYS, . be Geto Agents ~ hon United GRANT'S MORELLA n, _&® Mloxbom, graeet, CHERRY BRANDY Ue | LEA & PERRINS’ —— SAUCE. The Original and Genuine ‘‘ Worcestershire Gauce.” For HOT and COLD MEATS, GRAVIES, SALADS, SOUPS, Stills. 25s. the Gall., 50s.the Dozen. Cash only. iY ttle, as a sample, will be sent, past Ges address on receipt of P.O. for és. 6d RICHD. MATHEWS & CO., 4 HART Se. a RY, W.C A Me ac s throughout aan nd the Ce ne. 5 : * ’ i rr l FXS HAW & 2 x4 big / Bignature is on every Hottie of the Genuine 00. 'S ‘J a ’ and Original FI N EST OLD BRANDY. Se, 7 —— naan per doz in Cases as imported ie j Pe Be ff : H i erox & Co., 28, Regent Street, w ey bd ad ; LA CIGARE E > CENTLEMEN’S WICS. |e . m Perfect Imitetions of Wature. DELICIEUSE. rc Weightiess.no wigg: appearance. D crite — he _= 7D eu eadifon. "hk etl sees: ed an en en he | — CHAS. BOND & som, SMOKERS ARE CAUTIONED AGAINST IMITATIONS. 6, OXFORD STREET, The Genuine tears the Trade-Mark, ‘‘ Nottingham Castle,” om every Packet and Tis. 7 ialists also for Ladies’ Wigs and Scalpettes PLAYER'S WAVY CUT CICARETTES, ‘= Packets containing 12, and Boxes of 24. Send for Illustrated } Catalogue. The following extract from the “ Keview or Kev vimws,” Nov., 1800, is of interest to every Smoker: ma THE PIPE IN THE WORKHOUSE.—The picture drawn by our Helper of the pa -4-S old A in the workhouse, puffing away at an empty pipe, has touched the hearts of some of our One who dates from the High Alps, and signs imself “ Old Screw,” says: “I have been deact wun h with four ork * | oe cape ve October number of the Keview of Rev res for a scheme to supply smokers in un Ld ouses with tobeceo. I am afraid, jud by the ordinary standards, | am the most selfish of mortals, as never UM ea tos away for purposes of so —_— charity , but this scheme of — appeals at once to the sym ies of a hardened and inveterate smoker. Were I in London, | would at once Rast ocomeene. box for the fund, and levy contributions for it on my smoking scquaintances, but, rg ne business com yo = to be a wanderer round the Continent for the next nine months. however a little, and onsider the BEST anonike Powhooo, vis. ‘.” like to contribute a pound of what I co PLAYER'S NAVY CUT’ (this is not aa advertisement). | enclose, therefore, a cheque ; ts ‘“ for failing sight. Sample Packets, Post from HENRY MILWARD & SONS, Wisnroan Miu, _ eos. = =—ES =COAL Or Tave ANTISE PT. ==TAR: TABLETS 64! A SOAP

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PUNCH, OK THE LONDON GHARIVARL—Fesnvary 20, 1892. » Lanes eee GOLD MEDAL, Health Exhibition, London ; HIGHEST : AWARD, Adelaide, 1887. ~ BENGER'S FOOD RETAIL IM TING, is. 64., Os. 64., Ge., and 10s., of Chemists, &c., everywhere. WHOLESALE Oo ALL WHOLESALE # “HIGHEST “AWARDS EVERYWHERE. ye London, Paris, Boston, Philadelphia, Santiago, Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide, Edinburgh, &c. . cl SO FOR TOILET and NURSERY. Specially prepared for the delicate skin of Ladies & Children & others sensitive to the weather (Winter or Summer). Imparts and maintainsa soft velvety condition of the skin. FAIR WHITE HANDS. BRIGHT CLEAR COMPLEXION, SOFT HEALTHFUL SKIN. a i ee an — - el Rl ee - Gold Medals, Diplomas, and Highest Awards wherever exhibited, for 8 RD’S K absolute Purity, Superiority of Manufacture, and True Flavour, sosius« maty uaz, POWDER Grrtract of ese Variety — The Choicest Dishes and Richest | Retains the True Natural Taste and Stimulating Properties of| Custard. Fresh Beef in a more marked degree than any similar preparation. Write for a@ copy of “‘ Practical Hints on Cookery” (sent free) NO EGGS REQUIRED. ARMOUR & CO., 59, Tooley St, B.C. CADBURY’ i COCOA®ABSOLUTELY PURE, nenerote BEST . “The name Cadbury on any packet of Cocoa or Chocolate is a guarantee of purity. hee oe Annual, am Smith, of No. %, Loraine Reed, Holloway, in the Parieh of 8¢. Mary, Islington, in the Ce panty of SeieRenan, 06 Cho Svinting Otomo Mesars. Bradbury, Agnew, So. Lash bard ethert, in the Pre cimct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and published by big at No. 8, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of Lendon.—Sarvapat, Lebeuary 20, sad. PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. et em 6 te