Punch 1891-10-10: Vol 101 Iss 2622

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“To turn over the pages is to look into a social kaleidoscope.””—Gwardian. PARTS 1, 2, and 3 (a handy form of issue), are now published of GEORGE SOCIETY PIC TURES from “ Puncn” | 2¥ MAURIER. “THE ARTIST OF Mamet . : “THE ARTIST OF yoDERN MANNERS.” in silk-grained cloth, price 5/6 each. Also the First VOLUME, containing PARTS 1 and 2, MODERN MANNERS.” in a sumptuous binding, price 12/- “The beau ideal of a drawing-room book.” —Daily Chronicle. ated = __“& pleasanter companion it would be hard indeed to find.” —Daily 8 aia gy Daily T 4 rhe “ 4) ’ Co.) au Shens Smn)vY u BSBATURDAY v a ° m 4 =z a m m v m lz ° ~ PUBLISHED eEevVERY 7 TO , SBE ee aed en Ue ToL AY STAT STH re TT ase ee ee eee ee ek on PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, q » ~ ‘ LONDON. a “TOHANNIS” ns‘. MePwiered af the General Post Office as « Newspaper.

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Tee Tim A magetine which bas Ge rive! i« Prgiand THE OCTORER WUMEER commences «4 New Volume, in which each Article will te fully Tiestrated. aod thas presents « fvourabic eppertanity for New Bubecr: pers THE ENCLISH ILLUSTRATED payment rice 4d art a. Ee Renew J udge Hughes, QC. Author of . a r re by Lowes kinson. Front a Bag Benoa nued Judge " i. Lee Warner. [ustrations by ay a Broad ome pe A Malen Ibustra theme from tographe by the Author 4 The Sherif Pe His Partner Frask Harris wetrations by W Db Aimond ‘ Benjamin Kida Uustre Wycliffe Tay or and ( jeorge zB | ‘ Capital of the Fens Joho F IDustretions by W Harold Uskiey 1A Strange Elopement WwW. Gark Remel ustrations by W. MH. Overend MaCMI LLAN s co. LON DON | MACMILLAN'S MAGAZINE. Ne % OCTORER. isl Con verte LA Piret en, of Tasajare ; by Bret Harte Among the conte Hills; by G. W. Hartley The Poetry of Common-sense; by J A. Nobdie Im the Year of the Terror A Bummer Holiday in Japan | Seott's Heroines. IV A Street, by Arthur Morrison His Private Honour by Rudyard Kipling Leaves from a Note Book. The Master Art; by Ernest Myers MA‘ MILLAN s _o., oNDoN. a | THE STANDARD | LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY. | ESTABLISHED 1825. Accumulated Fund, 74 Millions Stg. a 4 4 s “ 7 a 5 10 FOR PROTECTION ANIWLSIANI P EDINBURGH, 3 George Bt. (Head Office) LONDON, 63 King William Street, B.O. 8 Pall Mall Kast, S.W. DUBLIN, 66 Upper Sackville Street. Branches & Agencies in India & the Colonies. SAMUEL BROTHERS. SCHOOL OUTFITS. SAMURBL BhoTe ERS have ready for immedia aTERiats Gentle- men, Boys, or Ladies, her with their pew I:toernaren Cara- Loe tr, containing abeut wo Engravings This furnishes details of the PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI—Ocrtoser 10, 1891. PURE SOLUBLE BUMBLE. 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Ocroszr 10, 1891.) OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 169

THE CYCLIST Tue Dream or A (Prevmatic) TyrRo. ATROPOS AND THE ANTHROPOIDS. A Dirge at the Zo The Anthropoid apes, of which there was recently such a representative series in the Zoo, have dwindled sadly in numbers this year. The lamented decease of ‘Sally’ was referred to a few weeks ago; we have now to record the death of * George,’ the Orang-Outang.”’ Daily News. | Late for the Chimpanzee the requiem rang, Now the bell tolls Pr the Orang-Outang. Well may spasmodic sobs choke childhood’s gorge, Now they who sighed for “* Sally ” grieve for -< teorge.”’ A “ wilderness of monkeys” can't console, For Anthropoids defunct. Of Apedom’s : whole, One little Chimpanzee, one Gibbon small, (Who ought to write his race’s ‘* Rise and | ge | Alone remain to cheer the tearful Zoo, And mitigate lone boyhood’s loud bohoo! “Sally” adieu! to “George” a long fare- well! Ah! muffle if you please their passing bell ! Only one thought can cheer us in the least ; ‘“No doubt the stock will shortly be in- creased,” | Thanks, Daily News! Wipe, childhood, the wet eye, And A vedom for dead kin soften the Simian sigh!

Crantry’s Worp or Commanp.—"“ Present jalms!”’

OYSTERS (NOT) FOR EVER! He was a gentle Fishmonger, and WILLIAMSON his name, No doubt you may have heard before his philanthropic game, The lack of oysters pained him much, for how could people royster And happy be in r-less months without the luscious oyster ? A look of pain was in his face, a pucker on his brow, Long time he pondered very hard to try and find out how. At last he eried, ‘‘ Eureka! from France I’ll go and bring them, And into beds I’ve got at home without a murmur fling them.” Then they came across the Channel, and he very sweetly said, “So glad to see you looking well, would you like to see your bed ? For there, my little dears, you stay; you’ll one day know the reason. I'll rouse you when the month of May makes natives out of season.” r The Fishmongers, the Worshipful, sent down a man to see, He wrung his hands and shook his head, and said, “Oh, miseree ! It pains me very deeply, and it drives me to distraction, You've done what ’s wrong, and I shall have to insti- tute an action,” Then Wriiiamsoy, he sobbed aloud, and shed a bitter tear, “Oh, hang it all,” he eried, “‘ why must you come and interfere ? I quite admit, however, that I see your point precisely, So don’t let’s quarrel, let’s be friends, and bring the action nicely.” They brought that friendly action, and the clever counsel tried 0 pr wets Favupett Puriurs that the law was on his sk e, But the oyster-dealer found the law for Lim was one too many, So he had to pay the piper—to be quite exact, a penny. And you who love your oyster in the latter end of May, n June, July, and August, too, will sadly rue the day, For philanthropic folk will find it unremunerative 0 introduce in summer-time this Franco-English native.* .” Oysters are to be six shillings a dozen this winter!! How many of ne ordinarily careless will now be compelled to go by Rvies without | Sng in for Oysters. N.B.—“ Action” in these verses is poetic license for “ surm ee j nons. ee A Native Hoister.

VOL. CI, “SAVE ME FROM MY FRIENDS!” Scexe—A Place of ~-- Enter Parliamentary Leader and his Subordinate. They greet one another effusively. Leader (cordially). And now, my dear fellow, how are my interests? Sub. (with much heartiness), Getting on capitally! Just been writing to all the papers to say that it is stupid to call you “* Old Dot-and-go-one,” because it is inapplicable to either your age or your mode of controversy. Lead. (with a feeble smile), That was kind of you! said it ? Sub. (airily). Oh, someone of about fourth-rate importance! and it had been quite forgotten you know. So | dragged it up again, and put it all right for you. Lead. (shaking hands). Thanks, so very much, But if persons had forgotten it, why revert to it’ Sub, Oh, don’t you see? Why, the point is, you are not a bit like it—not a scrap like it! Next week I shall write and say that it’s rubbish to call you a turncoat, because you have always been consistent. Lead. (anriously), But is anybody calling me a turncoat ¢ Sub. Not that I know of, but they might, don’t you see. So it’s as well to be on the safe side. I shall say that, if any one did call you a turncoat, that the speaker would prove himself a liar! That ought to give you a leg up, oughtn’t it ? Lead. (with some hesitation). My dear friend, you are most kind; but if you don’t mind, I would be se immensely obliged if you would leave my interests alone. : Sub. (with great cordiality), What, leave your interests alone! Never! You may be always sure of my hearty support! Lead. (earnestly). But as a personal matter, I must beg of you kindly to leave me alone. . Sub. (reluctantly). Well, of course, if you make it a personal matter, I must consent. But the Party will suffer. Lead. (dryly). Possibly—from your point of view. But who had [Exreunt. Jawrct News!—TZhe Diminution of the Jaw m the Civilised Races is the title of a pamphlet by Mr. F. Howanp Cottrns. We haven’t read it; but if it be in favour of the diminution of ** jaw, we heartily recommend its study to all Members of Parlia- ment, actual or intending, and to all post-prandial speechmakers generally.

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170 ; PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

ee [Octoser 10, 189],

BUMBLEDOW’S BIG OPENING. aller wnt \

J 3 Win i —< ie KRUG hy 4 ih SS Aj i —=— WG WZ YZ —— * ’ s OF G4Gs sf) , af , / /,

Bumble. *‘ Dox’t BOTHER ME ABOUT YouR DrRarNaGr AND sicu! Wuy, Now THE SWELLS 18 ‘OOKIN’ IT, I'M A-GOING TO BE CHAIRMAN OF THE County CouNcIL!” | Bumble (after reading Dr. T. Orme Duffield’s Report to the Vestry of Kensington on the health and sanitary condition of the district), loquitur :— Ou bother this sanit’ry bosh! Always piping | Wich my nose is a dalicot one, and I don’t | ‘‘ Bumbledom and Disease!” I like that,— the same dull old strains, _ like the job, not by lumps ; like the Times’ dashed himperenee, I think. | One would think there wos nothink in life to) And I won't be perpetual an up by these | We porochial pots is to pass all our time 4 | be done but go sniffing the Drains! peeping and prying old pumps. prospecting for Stink !

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Ocropern 10, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, Doctor Deprrep thinks Wr should | inspeck, periodical, all privit dwellings, ver and show up defecks, sech as fumings and leckinee, and smell- irk unsuspected about,” which tenants theirselves do not twig, the landlords, in course, don’t remove. Well, your tenant is| mostly a pig, nd your landlord is sometimes a ‘or: still between ’em we jest slip along, ) dooty for both of ’em? Snakes! that is coming it slightly too strong. he tenants ’old on jest as long as they can, and the landlords ’old rT? \ sort of a ketchy sore-throat, or a bit of a qualm or a korf, Make some idjots go fair orf their chumpson diphtheria, and typhod and such ; But then others, who don’t like sa hupset, put up with the lot, pooty mut h, Jest to save pe gn and ’oles in the garden, and mud on the stairs ; Landlords, likeways, is dabs at post- poning, and patching, and ’ush- ing up scares. it if we are to spot wot goes quisby, and be the responsible chaps, Wheugh! we should ’ave a regular beanfeast with sockets and air- pipes and traps ! No, no, westry worrying sneaks, it won’t work. As for’ W.B. E.” He may frighten the Kensington lot, - won't ’ave no effeck upon Ma! Diphtheria be jolly well dashed! It! is often, as DuDFIELD explains, Mere ‘‘ follicular (—hem !—) tonsilli-~ tis.’ Me bother my ’ed about Drains ? Goto! I’ave got other fish, in a manner of speaking, to fry, That L. C. C. gave itself airs and declared _ it would wipe my old heye TEN minutes here! The sun is sinking With its bloomin’ Big Pots and ‘‘Pro-| And longingly we've long been thinking, rre Ssi VE 8.” Aha! where the doose are Of Tea, Tea, fragrant Tea! they now’ Mister Rosepery resigned, regular sick of _ bad manners and endless bow-wow ; Now Lussock and Farrer are orf. Farrer | _ gave the 7imes one in the eye, Cos it seemed for to ’int even he of them | precious Progressives wos shy. Swears their manners is quite up to dick, _ most consid’rit, and all that there stuff. Well they may ’ave been Brummels of course, __ but Ae seems to ’ave ’ad quite enough ! Owsomever, wotever the cause, now they ’re _ quit of the Great Toffy Three, They must ’ave a new Chairman, in course, a -% ha! ha!—wot a hopening for me...) Porochial Bumble must rule, spite of fads, in a steady and sane age, And ’aving a heye on High Orfice J can’t | waste my time on mere Drainage! (Kicks Report, and strikes an attitude. | | | | | ‘*T USED TO, ONCE ; Everyeovy GIVE HIM UP!” TEA IN TEN MINUTES. (A SONG AT A RAILWAY STATION.) Arrn—‘‘ Thee, Thee, only Thee.” BUT Hide and Seek. The marble slabs we gather round, An | Piate Krn’s Treasure has done good we | now, It suggested a rattling good story to Por. But the ‘‘ Syndicate” started to seek where ' ' __, tis hid, Now then, you waiter, stir, awaken! Will probably find that same Treasure—“‘al/|Time’s up. I'll hardly save my bacon. Kip!” Tea, Tea, bring that Tea! The china cup with draught embrown’d Our thirsty souls are wholly haunted By Tea, Tea, fragrant Tea! — They ’re long in bringing what is wanted. TRUE LITERARY EXCLUSIVENESS. “Dow’r you ADMIRE Ropert Browntnc as A Poet, Mr. Firzsyoox!” ADMIRES HIM NOW, DON TCHERKNOW—80 I'VE HAD TO At last! The infusion’s rayther dark. But hurry up! Can’t stay forever! One swig! bBr-r-r-r! Hang the cunning shark! Will ’t never cool? Nay, never, never! Tea, Tea, scalding Tea! More milk; don’t be an hour in bring- ing ! Heavens! That horrid bell is ringing! “Take your seats, please!” Can't touch the Tea! Cup to the carriage must not take ; Crockery may be lost, or broken ; Refreshment sharks are wide awake. But—many a naughty word is spoken O’er Tea, Tea, scalding Tea! Nornina New.—The Editor of the Gentle- woman announces a forthcoming novel to be written by about a dozen or more novelists. Mr. Punch highly commends this spirited enterprise. The scheme is not absolutely a novelty, as in Mr. Punch’s pages some time ago, was there not a “* Limited Novel Co,” of Authors and Artists to produce * Chikkin Hazard?” They combined, but did not collaborate. But any way, success to the Gentlewoman ! “Were is pat Barty Now?”—After the recent suicide of /e pauvre Général, the Boulangist party cannot be said to have been left without leaders, at all events, in England, as they have had leaders in all the papers, and actually two in the Times

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. —$_——. late for table d'héte. Eh? He knocks out his pipe. Prende rgast phlegmatically , Only he late tor it ourselves if we do. They 'll come in when they want to. Podb. It’s not safe for your sister I’m hanged if it is—going at in a boat with a duffer like Corcuarp! He'll upset her as sure as ergs Prend. (with fraternal serenity). With pin-oars ? Couldn't if he tried! And they ’ve a man with them, too. The less I see of that hap Covcemarp the better. I did hope we’d choked him off at Nuremberg. I hate the sight of his supercilious old mug! Podb. You can’t hate it more than I do—but what can I do? Pathetically.) I've tried rotting him, but somehow he always manages to get the best of it in the end. I never saw such a beggar to hang on! Prend. What on earth made you ask him to come on here, after he declared he wouldn’t ? Podb. 1! I ask him?’ He settled it all with your sister. How could J help it ? Prend. 1'd do something. Why can’t you tell him right out he ain’t wanted? J would—like a shot ! Podb. It’s not so easy to tell him as you think. We haven't been on speaking terms these three days. And, after all (feebly) we're supposed to be travelling together, don’t you know! You might drop him a hint now. Prend. Don’t see how I can very well—not on my own hook. Might lead to ructions with Hyrati, too. Podb. (anxiously). Bow, you — you don’t think your sister really eh ? Prend. Hyratia’s a rum girl—always was. She cert uinly don't seem to object to your friend Cri- cHaRrD. What the dickens she can see in him, I don't know !—but it’s no use my putting my oar in. She'd only jump on me, y’know! Podb. (rising). Th. n I must. If that’s what he’s really after, I think I can stop his little game. I'll try, at any rate. It’s a long worm that has no turning, and I’ve had about enough of it. The first chance I get, I'll go for him. Prend. Good lack to you, old chap. There, they're coming in now. We’d better go in and change, eh’ We've none too much time. [They go in In the Lese-zimmer, a small gaslit room, with glazed doors opening upon the Musik-saal. Around a table pled with German and English periodi- cals, a mild Curate, the Wife of the English Chaplain, and two Old Maids are seated, reading and conversing. CULCHARD is on a central ottoman, conscientiously deciphering the jokes in Fliegende Blatter.” Povsvny is at the oo tem turning over odd Tavucunttz rolumes. The Chaplain’s Wife (to the Curate, a new arrival). Oh, you will | very soon get into all our little ways. The hours here are most con- venient— breakfast (table d’ héte) with choice of eggs or fish and coffee | really admirable coffee—from eight to nine ; midday dinner at one. | Suaget at nine. Then, if*you want to write a letter, the post for England goes out at—(&c., §e.) And on Sundays, eleven o'clock service (Evangelical, of course!) at the——(&c., &c.) My husband | ¥e., ¥e. First Old Maid (looking up from a four days old ** Telegraph”’). I see they are still continuing that very interesting correspondence on “* Our Children’s Mouths—and are they widening?” One letter | attributes it to the habit of thumb-sucking in infancy—which} certainly ought to be checked. Now I never would allow any— The Chaplain’s Wife. Nor I. But corals are quite as bad. Only this afternoon I was telling a Lady in this hotel that her little boy would be much happier with a rubber ring. You get them at a shop in the Hoch-strasse ~ I can take you to it at any time, or if you like to mention my name——(#r., &c.) Second O. M. One correspondent thought the practice of eating | soup with table-spoons tended to enlarge the mouth. I really believe there may be something in it. [A The Curate. The weather we have been having seems have “ Gets up and quits the room with dignity.” 172 [Ocropzr 10, 189], — ———_| materially affected the harvest prospects at home; they say there THE TRAVELLING COMPANIONS. will be little or no fodder for the cattle this year. saw somewhere No. X I forget where it was exactly—a suggestion to feed cows op - ‘ = . - | chick weed. s NF if f at pe by the ‘ake — the grounds of the snse! | Podh. (at the bookcase). Capital thing for them too, Sir. Know a Hote ( n Time, late afternoon. ; A small boat, con | nan who never gives his cattle anything else. rye 7 persons, ts just visible far out on the glassy grey- | The Curate. Oh, really? And does he find the experiment n water Bon Prenpereast and Popsury are pere hed sid unswer ? . le on a parapet, smoking disconsolately. | Podb. They take to it like birds. And—curious thing—after he'd P ‘ Do they look at all as if they meant to come in? I tell | tried it a month, all the cows turned yellow and went about chirping what, Bor, I yote we row out to them and tell them they'll be | and twittering and hopping. Fact, I assure you! The Curate. Dear me—I should scarcely have—— | He gradually comes to the conclusion that he is being trifled with, and after a few momenés of uncomfortable silence, gets up and quits the room with dignity. Podb. (to himself). One of ’em gone! these old tabbies out, I can tackle Cutcuarp. (Aloud, to Chaplain’s Wife.) You don’t happen to know if there’s a good doctor -_ I suppose? A lady was saying in the Musik-saal—the lady with the three daughters who came this afternoon — that she was afraid they were in for bad feverish colds or something, and asking who there was to call in. The C.’s W. Oh, I’ve no belief in foreign doctors. I always find afew Now if I can only clear drops of aconite or pulsatilla,——I have my homeo- pathic case'with me now. Perhaps, if I went and had a talk with her I could—— [She goes out energetically, Podb. Another gone! (To the Old Maids.) So you ain’t going down to the Cloisters to-night ? I'm told there ’s to be some fun there—Hide-and-seek, or something—first-rate place for it, especially now the moon ’s 3 First Old Maid. Nobody told us a word about it. Hide-and-seek—and in those quaint old Cloisters too—It sounds delightful! That do ~ say, TaprrHa. Shall we just ? Only to look on, you know. We needn’t play, unless—— [The Two Old Maids withdraw in a pleased flutter. Popsury crosses to CULCHARD. Podb. (with determination). Look here, CutcHarn, I’d just like to know what you mean by the way you re going on. Culch. 1 thought we were both agreed that discussions of this kind-—— Podb. It’s all bosh our travelling together if we’re not to have any discussions. You ’ve been on the sulk long enough. And I'll thank you to inform me what you’re after here, going about alone with Miss Prenpereast like this, in the Museum with her all the morning, and on the lake again this afternoon,—it won’t do, you know! Culch. If she happens to prefer my society to yours and her brother’s, 1 presume you have no claim to interfere. Podb. 1 don’t know about that. TROTTER ? Culch. If I remember rightly, you yourself were not insensible to Miss TroTTER’s—er—attractions ¢ Podb. Perhaps not; but I am not engaged to her —you are. You told me so in the train. : Culch. You entirely misunderstood me. There was no definite understanding between us—nothing of the sort or kind. In fact, it was merely a ing caprice. Since I have had the privilege of knowing Miss Prenpereast, I see clearly — Podb. Then you mean to propose to her, eh ? : Der in That is certainly my intention; have you any objection to offer ? Podb. Only that I mean to propose too. as good as yours—cvin now. ; ‘ulch. I doubt it, my dear fellow; however, don’t let me dis- How about Miss I daresay my chances are cow you. . Podb. 1 don'’tintend to. (The figure of Miss PRENDERGAST 18 seen to pass the glazed doors, and move slowly across the Musik-saal ; both rush to the door, and look after her.) She’s gone out into the baleony. ‘Joye, I'll go, too, and get it over! Culch. I should not advise you todo so. It is possible she may haye gone there with the—er—expectation of being joined by—by | somebody else. He smiles complacently. | Podb. You mean she’gave you a rendezvous there? I don’t believeit! | Culch. I did not say so. “But I am not prepared to deny that | have been waiting here with some such expectation. Podb. (holding the 4 If you go, I go too—that’s all, Culch. Don’t be absurd. You will only be de trop, I assure you. Podb. De trop or not, I mean going—she shall choose between us. | Cuich. (turning pale). I suppose you intend to enlighten her as t | my—er—little flirtation (before I knew her) with Miss TROTTER * | Do it, Popsvry, do it—if you think you'll gain any good by it!

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i IE es Ocroser 10, 1891.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 173 ib. Telling tales is not exactly in my line. But you don’t go n that baleony without me—that ’s all. Culch. Well, listen to reason, my dear fellow. What you propose I—I don’t mind conceding this: we’ll peo: go, and— r—tit up, as you call it, which goes first. Pp Done with you! (Produces a mark.) Sudden death. You're Fagle—I’m the other Johnny. (Zosses.) Eagle! Confound you! t | mean to have my innings all the same. You ’re perfectly welcome—when I’ve had mine. I’ll—er you good evening. He statks out triumphantly. Popsury places himself in a position from which he can command a view of the Musik- saal, over the top of “‘iiber Land und Meer,” and awaits re sults, ulous. h —W STORICULES. VI.—Bupweti’s Revener. My friend, Tuomas Grptrve, is something indefinite and authori- | tative in the Post Office. He is a practical man. He can do fret- | work, cook a steak, clean boots, find out what’s wrong with the gas, | and understand Waterloo Station ; in an poy er he is invaluable. | this is just as well, because destiny has decided that the life of | [gomas Grptine shall be a series of emergencies. He has comfort- | ible bachelor quarters at the very top of Parkington' Chambers, which ire situated in Blooms " One night last winter I been dining with Gro.rva‘at his Club; ifter dinner he pro that we should go round to his flat for a talk and a smoke. IDLING, being practical, can make coffee, which s athing that they cannot do at Gipiine’s Club, nor, indeed, at nany others. So I consented. We had climbed painfully to the top of Parkington Chambers, and iad just got inside Grpiine’s outer door, when we noticed a very marked and curious smell. ‘“There’s something wron about this,” remark GIpLiIne, severely. with him, adding, out of a ner- | vous politeness, from | which I suffer some- | times, that I rather | liked the smell. “Then you’re an idiot,” said GrpLine, who never suffers from politeness at all. He opened the door of his sitting-room, and then we saw at once what was the matter. The lower part of the chimney was on fire ; the fire- place was covered with glowing masses of soot which had fallen. ‘* Hanxry ’s| had another nasty touch of that in- nza,” remarked Giptine. HANKIN is GipLINo’s servant, and at ‘gular intervals becomes incapacitated for work. Hanxkun himself s that it is influenza, and speaks of ‘* another of them relapses ; ” IDLING thinks that it is as a rule intoxication. As a matter of | t Hanxrw would not be a bad servant if his zeal was distributed er him rather more evenly. It is always either excessive or letective. It comes out in lum In neglecting to have the chimney swept Hankow had shown defect ; in the way that he had piled up he had shown excess. In subsequently absenting himself | n the flat he had shown a certain amount of wisdom, for GIpLINe Was rather angry. “Not but what I can put it all right,” said Grotinc. ‘“‘I’m a ctical man. Fire Brigade? I thought you’d suggest a few fire igades, No, notexactly. I'll show you how to stop a thing of this nd.” He went into his bed-room, and returned with the water- | ‘. An iron ladder from the main staircase led through a trap-door ‘in the roof. Grp~ine went up this ladder with the water-jug, while | waited to see the result in the sitting-room. I could hear him walking about on the roof, and I looked out for a deluge of water to tescend down the chimney into the fire-place. But no deluge came. Pres ntly Gro~ove descended and entered the room with the empty | « r-) ig. ~ Did it splash much ?” he asked. \o, there was no water came down at all.” e fire fror ia native “Oh? Then I’ve emptied this water- chimney. We'd better clear out of this.” At thio juncture Hawxry returned, and Groxrve said a good deal to him. Hankin was left to put out the fire, and we went back again to the Club. Grpieve seemed rather annoyed with me for laughing about his mistake. “It’s a deuced awkward thing,” he said. ‘‘ That water went down somebody’s chimney, and it’s put somebody's fire out. That means 35 =r you know, if he or she finds out who did it.” ** Who live in the flats below yours ?” I asked. “An Art-student and her mother in the flat below mine—they are really most charming people, and I hope to goodness it wasn't their chimney that | coun the water down. tm on rather friendly terms with them. Then on the first floor there’s Bupweit. He’s a conceited affected ape. I only hope it was he who got the benefit of that water-jug. It’s rather amusing, you know. Bupwei.’s very much in love with Miss Vane (that’s the Art-student), and she loathes him—at least I believe so. Poor beggar!” Gronane laughed, a * Yes, I hope that was Bupwett’s chimney, not the other. _ It turned out afterwards that it was Bupwett’s chimney, and he found out that it was Grpiixe who had done the deed. So BuDWELL determined on revenge. He climbed up on to the roof with a large bath-can of water, intending to empty it down Grpirye’s chimney. Chimneys ought to be labelled. The whole of the contents of that can descended into Mrs. Vawe’s fireplace. Bupwktt called and apologised, but it was of no use. ey considered it mean of BuDWELL to take revenge for what was A a mistake on GrpLino’s part; and they were not very well pleased at having their own fire vut out. “A chimney’s not the aieee for a cataract, you know, ir. Bupwet,” said Miss Vane. BupWELL went back to his own flat and brooded over his mis- fortunes. He had now grown still more angry with Gip.ine, which was irrational of him; and he determined to take a still fiercer revenge. Late at night he conveyed the bath-can and several jugs, all full of water, on to the roof. There was no fear of his selecting Mrs. Vane’s chimney by mistake this time. One by one he emptied the jugs and the water-can, and then descended to his own ‘lat, fiendishly triumphant, as he thought of the havoc he must have made in GrpLrvo’s fire-place. But when he got to his own flat, he found that he had emptied all that water down his own chimney. After that he gave up his revenges, together with his affections and his apartments. But Grpiine tells the story with considerable unction ; the factsof it were partly derived from Bupwett’s servant and partly from Miss Vankr—with whom Gip.ine is beginning to be on more than friendly terms. jug down the wrong INTERNATIONAL NURSERY-TALE CONGRESS. valuable time. present) to the myth, if myth it could be called, which had immor- talised his own name. Need he say he alluded to the legend of ** Little Jack Horner” ? (Cheers.) Some . commentators are of opinion that ‘* Hor- NER” was a typographical ,error for ‘‘Homer.” But the prefix and the ‘epithet combined to militate against this ingenious and plausible, but specious, theory. ‘“‘Homer” was not in any sense * Little,” nor was his Pagan name ‘“‘Jack.” Again, ‘‘Corner,” in the second line, could not in any language have ever rhymed with “Homer.” He knew that ‘‘Cromer” furnished them with a rhyme for ‘“‘ Homer ;” but if this were accepted, what became of the ancient Greek, of the Syriac, of the Phonician, of the Nimrodic legends, nay, of the very I/ad itself, if ‘‘ Homen” were of “Cromer”? (Loud and prolonged cheers.) No! ‘* Jack Horner,” or, as it was originally written, ‘‘Jakorna,” was of Scandinavian origin, and it was, in all probability,a mythmic rhyth No, beg pardon, he should say a rhythmic myth (Cheers) sung by a wandering Sam Oar Troupe on their visiting Egypt and the Provinces before the time of the Celtic-Phenician O’ Sins, or at least before the reign of Rameses THE Fins, ancestor of the great Seotch Ramsry family—{ Cheers)—at one of the social entertainments given on a non- hunting day by that eminent sportsman Nimnop. hen came the question of where was ‘the corner” in which Jakorna secluded himself? Of course, Christmas, as differentiating this pie from all others, was a modern substitution. The original word was probably “* Kosmik.” (Zhe lecture was still proceeding when our Reporter left, the dryness of the subject having unfortunately affected his throat.) a | | | Tue Chair was taken by Mr. Jonn Horwer, P.R.I.N.T.C., lineal descendant of the celebrated ** Jack” of that ilk. ; | The President said he had no desire to waste the meeting’s | He would at once address himself (and the company |

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} a OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. a | [Octoper 10, 189], | oi P mpey Bedell IT STANDS ME IN The New Butler BoTrTLe oF IT A CONNOISSEUR. “Tus Borris or Romanfe-ConTI skEMS RATHER CLovpy, Brown! IT oveuT TO BE ALL RIGHT. I KNOW Twetve Guineas a Dozen!” ‘THERE CERTAINLY #13 some Sepiment, Stn Pompey; BUT IT’S OF NO CONSEQUENCE WHATEVER! I TRIED A WYSSLF THE OTHER DAY, AND FOUND IT FIRST-RATE!” aie “WHAT WILL HE DO WITH IT?” The ‘tchorni narod’—the inconceivably ill- sed, patient, long-suffering ‘ black people,’ as the moujike of White Russia are grimly denominated by their rulers—are dying by thousands, of sheer starvation, without a hand being stretched out by the ‘Tchin’ to rescue them from the greedy jaws f Death.”—Daily Telegraph. The moujiks are remonstrating and even rebelling neeq uence ‘* Lrrrie Father,” we have suffered long, and sorrowed, We the “ children” of the wonderful White Tsar, Steadfast patience from staunch loyalty have borrowed, Slaved for Slavdom still in Peace, and died in War; We have borne the yoke of power, and its abuses, We have trusted cells and shackles served their turn ; Nay, that e’en the ruthless knout had noble uses ; Now we starve—and think—and burn. ‘* Little Father,” is your power then so paternal As in pious proclamation is set forth ? If the round earth bears a brand of the infernal, [North ? Does the trail of it not taint our native Ay, we love it asin truth we've ever loved it Uur devotion, poorly paid, is firm and strong : Have our little pitied miseries not proved it, And our weary tale of wrong ? ** Little Father,” we are hungering now, neglected, While the foreigner shouts praises in our ports ; We are honoured, say your scribes, loved, feared, respected, The proud Frank, we fought for you, your riendship courts. The golden price of it you hug most gladly. Well, that price, what is its destined end and aim ? The indulgence of ambitions cherished madly ? The pursuit of warrior fame ? Your realm is ever widening, Tsar, and lengthening, Though its peoples—your dear children— r not; tailways stretching, boundaries creeping, legions strengthening ! And the end, ~~ Tsar, purpose—what ? The Afghan, Tartar, Turk feel your ad- vancing, {tread, The Persian and the Mongol hear your And an eager watchful eye is eastward glancing Where the Lion lifts his head. And your children, “* Little Father’? They are lying In their thousands at your threshold, waiting death. Gold you ather whilst your foodless thralls | are dying ! Is appeal, oh Great White Tsar, but wasted Wreath ? is—where ?—the On armaments aggressive are you geen J What might solace the ‘* black people” midst their dead ? : Of the millions the effusive Frank is lending Is there nothing left for bread ? BOUILLABAISSE. [There has been some correspondence lately about Bouillabaisse, and a writer in the Evening News (who misquotes THACKERAY) actually gives s recipe without oil !] Ovr THackeray in ancient days, Wrote of a very famous dish, And said in stanzas in its praise, ’T was made of several kinds of fish. A savoury stew it is indeed, And he’s *‘ in comfortable case ”’ Who finds before him at his need A smoking dish of Bouillabaisse. And now folks laud that dish again, And o’er it raise a pretty coil, _ While one rash man we see with pain, Would dare to make it minus oil. Oh! shade of Terrf, you nodoubt | 4 Would make once more the ‘‘ droll grimace, At such a savage, who left out The olive oil, in Bouillabaisse. “* Troveut-Waves.” (By an Un- Esoterve. —The Theosophists talk mistily about “the concentration of mind-force on a thought- wave ’’—which seems only another way % saying that such minds are, at the time, ** quite at sea.”’ ed

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| \ 4, we) teh PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Ocroser 10, 1891. . = Rr en — = = — a = ~~ : ee | ——— z _ &f as A. \" pe | “WHAT WILL HE DO WITH IT?” Sranvine Russtaw Puasayt. “IS NONE OF THAT FOR M2, ‘LITTLE FATHER’ ?”

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Ocroser 10, 1891.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 177 MONEY MAKES THE MAN, | A Fragment from @ Romance | indicated by Mr. Punch to Mr. | “Ir is entirely your own ‘said the intruder, as he nother silver tea~pot in his | I don’t see that at all,” re- { the master of the house, } moving ineasily in his chair. “Well, I have not time to argue with you,” returned the | ther, as he held up an enamelled ship of beautiful workmanship. “Dear me, this is really very f I have never seen any- thing like it before! What is “T got it ata sale in Derby- s] I fancy it must be some- thing tie the old Battersea enamel. “Very fine! And solid silver, | »! Well, inall my experience, | ind I have been in the profes- | sion some twenty years, I have | sen nothing likeit. Beautiful! Lavely. “If you had not tied my hands | behind my back,” explained the master of the house, ** I could show you, by lifting that lid, you | would see prettier subjects in| the interior of the veel” “You certainly tempt me,” | answered the intruder, ** to give you an inereased facility in moving. But itis against my rules. I always work in a me- thodical manner, and one of my regulations is, before I open the | safe, I must bind the master of the house hand and foot in an arm-chair. But what were we talking about ?” | “ You were saying,” returned + hire the other, with a sigh, ‘‘ that it was my own fault that I find myself | obli in this painful, this ruinous position. As a man of education I cannot see how you can advance such a proposition.” | _ But that’s the point. Iam not a man of education. I don’t know how to play the piano, and can scarcely manage a free-hand | sketch of a cathedral. My k is shaky, and I speak French and German with an accent enough to drive a linguist mad. No, no, you take my word for it—this little incident weal never have happened had you behaved wisely, and like a public-spirited citizen.” : What do you mean?” asked the householder. | ‘Why, this, thet:f you had paid more to the School Board, I) would have received a better education, and have never been a housebreaker. As it is, I am only making up the difference between | the sum you have paid, and the sum you should have expended.” | And the burglar, helping himself to another silver tea-pot, con- § tinued his lucrative werk, THE MUSIC OF THE SPHERES. Tue ‘‘ true sphere of woman ”—so HARRISON says— In effect—is the family circle. Some praise ; But to geometricians it strange may appear, For a “circle” is only a part of a *‘ sphere.” Since woman appe at the wickets, some think (Though male cricketers from the conclusion may shrink), Chat the true * sphere” of woman must be, after all, A leathern one—typed by a new cricket-ball. Young girls think a ‘‘ Ball” of another guess sort 1s the sphere in which woman may find truest sport. To harmonise all these opinions, ’tis clear, Is hard; but, whatever be woman’s true sphere, Whether found in the dictum of ‘* Positive” Harntsoy, And what ladies call his ‘* degrading comparison,”’ Ur otherwhere,—this will be certainly found, If you'll let angry women alone they 'll ‘* come round.” “Tae Maw ror THE Post.”—Sir James Ferovsson. FANCY PORTRAIT. SIR W. V. HARCOURT, Tag “Opp Fettow” Oct. ———— | TALK FOR TRAVELLERS. (“The German officials at the frontier, since the relaxation of the passport regulations, have been or- dered to treat foreign passengers with every politeness,” Dasly Papers.| Metw Herr, will you do us the honour to descend from the railway-carriage?’ It will be merely a matter of form. We need not disturb those gracious ladies, your wife and daughters. This is the best way to the Customs. You will notice that we have swept the path that leads to the door. Certainly, these arm-chairs are for the use of passengers, We have pase them there our- selves, andcan recommend them. Is it asking too great a favour to beg you to lend me the keys of your boxes f A hundred thousand thanks. Your explanation is absolutely satisfactory. You are bringin these sixteen unopened boxes of cigars home for your grand- mother. It is a most proper thing to do, and, under the cir- cumstances, the duty will be remitted. And these three hundred yards of lace of various makes and es?’ Anheir-loom! Indeed! Then of course, the packet must | pass duty-free. As we have found nothing of consequence in this portmanteau of yours, it will be unnecessary to search the nineteen boxes of that gracious lady, your wife. No doubt she has obeyed your instruction not to smuggle. We are absolutely satistied with your ———_——_ — —! explanations, and are greatly ged to you for your kindness and condescension. This is the way to the carriage. We have place d steps before the door, as without a platform it is difficult to ascend. ; No, Mein Herr, it is utterly impossible! We are forbidden by the EmpEnor himself to accept a gratuity. Yes, Madam, it is indeed without charge. Instant dismissal is the penalty. ; Certainly, Mein Herr, you could get the same politeness before the Emperor issued his Imperial instructions. But then the charge was a’thaler! Do not tempt us, THE GREAT TWIN BRETHREN, (“1 do not wish to call Mr. GLapstons by a name which would be both tasteless and pointless.”—Mr. A. V. Dicey's Letter to the Times.) TastTecess and pointless, Dicky? Well, the time ¢s out of joint, And you were born to set it right, though not with “‘ taste” and ss We cannot all do all things, Sir, and if you save the State (As the great Twin Brethren mean to in despite of Hancovurt’s hate), What does it matter, Dicer, if your letters are not quite In that style epistolary, which our fathers called ‘* polite” ? Tis a little too meticulous—in you—and rather late, | “ , After giving Mr. GLapstone such a wholesome slashing ‘slate.’ e Take heart of grace, dear Dicey, and don’t let Sir WILL iam’s ** point In your tough (if tasteless) armour find a vulnerable joint. ‘* Old Timbertoes”” won’t trouble, Sir, to wish that you were dead, And his taste (not point) forbids him to call you “Old Wooden- head !”’ 2 ee ’ Keep Watch! [A Visitor fishing off Deal Pier brought up a gold wateh and chain on his hook. It is supposed to be one lost by a resident, but the lucky angler has not been seen since. } PARADOXICAL portent! Most worthy of rhyme Is this fortunate angler who tried to kill time. — Fate made him the offer, and, wisely, he book’d it ; roe He not only killed time, but he caught it,—and “ hook’d it.

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aa PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARI [Ocroser 10, 189], | i = | MR. PUNCH VISITS SCARBOROUGH SPA. \ y ib ay Jermns20 | — ee oe. | ye

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cuemn 10, 1808) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

BOULANGER. i. ’ + tnd &» high he floated, that he seemed to climb ; Vs, 4 f Wh | The bladder blown by chance was burst by ee | Hi time. \ j i 4 ; Palsely-earned fame fools bolstered at the a, 1h ey urns ; Wy) 1 | e mob which reared the god the idol burns. l H Wy, Mi [o cling one moment nigh to power’s crest, . i) hen, earthward flung, si to oblivion’s rest Self-sought, ’midst careless acquiescence, Lhe

seems Strange fate, e’en for a thing of schemes and dreams ; Rut C#sar’s simulacrum, seen by day, Searee envious Casca’s self would stoop to slay, {nd mounting mediocrity, once o’erthrown, Need fear—or hope—no dagger save its own.

From Baicut To Dutt.—In an interesting | irticle on artificial reproductions of Nature’s | treasures, the Standard remarked that ‘‘ Real jiamonds have been turned outof the chemist’s | retorts.”’ What a brilliant chemist he must | have been! Probably of Hibernian origin, as mong omenaal sparklers there are few | t ord more brilliant than ‘Irish Dia- | sonds.”’ Stay, though! If the real diamonds were ‘turned out of the chemist’s retorts,” y then his retorts, without these flashes of bril- : ZZ / liancy, must have been a trifle dull, and he is th a Yj ; longer the chemist we took him for. ‘* But,”’ LL Yi i} juote our Krpiine, ‘that is another story.” f de Y/ a Ja Me [at //) —_—— WY WM The New Evangel. M. Zou, in his new Novel, glorifies War, and the regenerative mission of human bloodshed. } Mf A iii /}f VA

| ~~ | ‘‘ ZoLa on War,” intensifies the ‘‘ Hola!” He Of purists who are all for ** war on Zora!” | Well, he whose pen is touched with tints | from Tophet, Is the right man to pose as Red War’s Prophet! THE RULING PASSION STRONG AT DINNER. A Trrrte ror Tae Buitper. —‘* When Laconic Waiter (thoroughly familiar with Sporting Major's taste in Champagne), “ SEVENTY uses like di ies?” — Four, Sir?” . 7 x “ wie, on tn he | Sporting Major (down on his luck, after a bad week at Newmarket). ‘ Sevenx-ro-Fovr, ” ’ ’ DASH IT! WOULDN'T TAKE TEN TO ONE ABOUT ANYTHING!

> r °) D r r ) Z L

, ING DIOR | word has long been a law, whet OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. | folk-lore or of books. The censure of a Biupyen ( ‘esPecTeD ANDREW LANG,” writes the Baron’s Assistant Reader, | brought that formidable name to my mind) ean do little to discourage “have read your eriticism in Longman’s Magazine upon Mr. Barry | you. But Mr. Banny Paty is a young writer. And yet some one Paty’s In a Canadian Canoe. It s an ugly piece of bludgeon work, | remarked that In a Canadian Canoe was better even than Essays in Ladmit, but not convincing to any- > Little, and the audacious words were actually printed in a journal to | ne who has read the book of which . | which ANDREW LAN@ is an occasional contributor. I myself have | uspeak. You tearawayaline or ‘+, 4 never dared to go sofar. There is something sacri d about an es- | two from the context, and ask your . . . tablished reputation. And I can honestly say that I like the readers to say if that is wit or elegant airy trifles which your little Muse has bestowed upon us, humour. How your admirers would . y though I confess toa weariness when the talk is too much of golf-clubs have protested had any sacrilegious x and salmon rods. And I admire your appreciation of the original ritie ventured to treat one of your - work of other men. In tho pooene ease you and | disagree upon a wn immortal works in this manner. question of taste. Thatisall. Zant ec pour mot, I hasten to add. Essays in Little, a book which, by : . ' ut I disagree in good company, for I note with some amusement, the way, appeared in the same series that the Payw whom you rightly praise, has a kind and encouraging ‘or which Mr. Barry Pary wrote ’ 7 | word for the Parw whom you so vehemently dis arege. — in sa pleasant and inoffensive compilation, but ; | this ease I will stake my all upon the eulogy o _, AYN a8 ven Essays in Little would have presented a | against the censure of ANDREW Lano. As you did e t " a? to sorry appearance if, let us say, ANDREW LANG \ refer to something I had written, I thought myself bound in polite- ‘ad reviewed it in this perfunctory and ex- ness to reply, and am Your obedient servant, ‘ractory and arbitrary fashion. I remember - ' Aw A. R. ow tHe B. pe B.-W.’s Orrice.” ‘hat in that case the critics were respectfully A\) enthusiastic, Even Mr. Biupyer would have totied his cap, I fancy, to one vir. A Straight Tip to Canadian ‘‘ Cross Coves.”’ Who rhymes, researches and reviews ger: k : - a Who sometimes writes like Genesis, ’ Ts nice .. a anadion < ane a tension 0 And someti i 4 few y 0 practise wha e ribald ec ‘ ; id sometimes in the Daily News. M | st that the douse dese the Demisien 40, For, afte r all, you stand high in the journalistic world. Your **In this galley,” with this new game of ** boodling ? ’ ‘pion passes current in many a select circle. Not even your ** Paddle your own Canoe,” dear, if you will, i ‘agaries seem to have power to offend the worshippers to whom your But kick all * cross coves” out, and trust to honest skill.

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| 180 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Ocropmr 10, 189}, and the horrifying fact*is revealed to me that the sheet of “ auth JOURNAL OF A ROLLING STONE. rities” I have brought with me bears, not on the mortgage case _ TextH Extry | before the Court, but on that previous six-guinea matter on which | | e eo. . had given Rocers & Co, my valuable Opinion gratis. Dick Firmers, my more or less ‘‘ learned” instructor in practical I hear Dick Fissrys, in this trying position, with the eyes of three law, goes out to a good many a parties, I find. Casually | Judges fixed on him, swearing at me under his breath in the mos remarks that he ‘* danced three square dances, the other night, with lawful manner. But why did he depend on me ? Why didn’t he get old Davis's ugly daughter, the Solor (legal slang for Solicitor), in| up the case himself ? r Caraway Street.” It’s Davis himself, not the daughter, that is the| Deprived at one blow of most of his precedents, ** shorn ”—as the Solicitor, and, dt seems she introduced the gay Firpins to her Papa. | Breach of Promise Reports puts it—‘‘of its usual attractions,” Hence anothet brief, a rather complicated one, on some dispute about | Frpniys’s speech becomes an impotent affair. He has to quote such a mortgage, : - cases as he can remember, and as neither his memory nor his legal On the merning when the case is to come into Court, Dick the | knowledge is great, he presents them all wrongly, and prematurely Brief-hunter, who has promised to take me there, seems nervous. | sits down. I see Prosgr’s wrinkled countenance illumined with an Yet he is confident that, if ‘old Proser” is the judge, he will| exultant smile. Just as I am moving out of Court (Frmprns has to pull the thing off.” It will be, apparently, a case of ‘Pull |‘ move” in Court), because I am desirous of avoiding Freprys’s Finsiwsy pall Prosen.” | wrath,—though I feel that this fiasco is more his fault than mine, In Court Loeeupy a seat just behind him, because—as he observes |—I hear the presiding judge (the mad one) say to the Defendant's I’ve been “grinding away at the case, and know the subject | Counsel that he need not trouble to address them. I know what that down to the ground”—which | means—judgment for the Defendant ! I don’t think Ae does. I there-| Chancing half-an-hour later to enter a Strand Restaurant, part of fore am to act as his reserves, | which, I regret to say, is also a drinking-bar, I am “tardied at also as his prompter, and to/ beholding the identical form and features of Frsprs himself. He supply him with the names of | appears flushed—has two companions with him, to whom he is talking eases which he has forgotten, | excitedly. I hear the words" idiot ”-—"* jackaae of a pupil” — and which he wishes to quote. | ‘‘ regular sell’’—and; but no, perhaps I had better not repeat all Rather a responsible position. | that I did hear. I decide to seek refreshment elsewhere. Should feel more confidence in| Over the subsequent scene in Frsprys’s Chambers I prefer to | result if Fresiws had told me|draw a veil. It is sufficient to say that I was obliged to leave of this prompter arrangement | F ippins, and thereafter received a solid half-year’s instruction in before the Very morning when | the Chambers of a learned Counsel who was not a briefless impostor. the trial comes on. | I heard afterwards that he had added the story to his fund of “Old Proser,” | legal dining-out anecdotes, and had considerably amplified it. It appears to my/ came out in a shape which made Fiesrns a hero, myself an imbecile untutored gazeto|of a rather malicious kind, Proser helplessly cowering under be rather adigni- | Freprys’s wealth of arguments, and the other two Judges reduced fied occupant of | to admiring silence. I take this opportunity of stating that if any- the Bench. 1} body‘ cowered”’ in Court on that memorable oceasion, it was certainly don’t know whe- | not poor old Prose. ther he cherishes - any personal or : bv all : aonb —_ professional ani- THE “DISAPPOINTMENT OF DECEMBER.” mosity against Dick Frssiws [It is too early yet (ays the Telegraph) to announce the title of the | ; sy. | latest of the Laureate’s plays, but this much may be said, that it is written but directly the partly in blank verse and partly in prose, that it is what is known in| latter ,opens his | theatrical circles as ‘a costume play,’ and that the scene is laid in England. | mouth to begin, | It may, however, interest sensitive dramatists to know that Lord Txxy1- PROSER seems in- | son is liberal enough to place the stage detail wholly in the competent hands clined to jump/j|of Mr. Dary. He does not wince if line is cut here and there, or protest if down it. a scene or a speech has to be supplied.” } ‘ we com pli- | . . : - , ’ : SEHOL y — ited case of foreclosure?” he growls. “‘ Youneedn’ttell us that. All| Pitonm, I know not anytlling, foreclosure cases are complicated. J ever saw one yet that wasn’t.” | , igi verse, And two in prose, I might do worse Than having a Four Act song to sing. Frseiys goes along unimpeded for a minute or two, PRosER having thrown himself back with an air of resigned inattention, one of the | ther Judges taking furtive notes, and the third resting his elbows on his desk, and his head on his elbows, and eyeing me with a stony I leave the dress we know to-day ; and meaningless stare. Can he suddenly have gone mad ? On English ground my scene I set, I have no time to consider this interesting point, as Frentys is And wonder if I touch as yet, uwrain in difficulties about some precedent that he wants to quote, What we have termed a “ Costume but which he has forgotten, and turns sharply round on me, saying, Play!” in a fierce whisper : ‘ : * What the ) 2 we ts that case?” If I have over-writ, and laid, 2 I look hurriedly down on the’ sheet of paper on which (as I fancy) | It may be here, it may be there, - a I have jotted down the authorities bearing on the subject, and reply, | The fat too thickly on,—with care A eut here and there also in a whisper—‘' Cookson and Gedge.” To cut it down be not afraid, will be necessary. “The Court, m’ lauds,” Freerns airily proceeds, as if he were in- | But oh. if here and there I seem debted entirely to his own memory for the information, ‘‘ held in | To have half-said what I should say, Cookson and Gedge that a mortgagor who desires to foreclose——” | Give me the start—I ll fire away, ** Where is the case you mention?” suddenly asks the Judge who And keep up the poetic steam— was staring at me a moment ago. He is now engaged in first looking it my instructor suspiciously, and then at me, as if he thought that Ay! keep it up in lines that run there was some horrible secret between us, which he is determined As glibly from the Laureate’s pen, to probe to the bottom. That I shall by my fellow men si * Volume Six of the Law Reports, m’ lud.”’ Be greeted with hat’s Tennyson! , * Page?” suaps Proser. In short, it will not be easy, from such scanty information 2s the | “Page 184, m’lud. As I was saying, the Court there held that | Noble Rhymester has as yet given to the pa lic, to say precisely | the right to foreclose at any reasonable time is not taken away——”’ | what sort of a play this promised comedy, * half in prose, half in his time the interruption comes from the Judge who I thought | blank verse,” will prove itself to be; but it is to be hoped with The was going mad, but who now seems to be preternaturally and offen-| P,;omise of May still fresh in the memory of many a playgoer, that | sively sane. the fortheoming effort may not, after all, turn out to merit the “Tt would be odd,” he observes, ctittingly, ‘‘if any Court Aad unpromising title of The Disappointment of December. decided a point about mortgages in Cookson versus Gedge, because on looking at the page to which you have referred us, find that — Cookson and Gedge was a running-down case !” A Mysrerrovsty Masowrc Lixe.—‘‘ Oh, for a Lodge in I glance at the paper before me in consternation ; another moment, | vast wilderness!” . on ofl (> NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, im no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this raise there will be no exception,

Page 15

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