Punch 1891-09-05: Vol 101 Iss 2617

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Vad an jae’ : c. yRrie® nich prea i ae porn sn as if ¢ © qaos™ qn w rei? a) select? ( ie ‘soe o sng Oe aed HM ig out to ju ibutio® A jhe vi on nit P d SATURDAY. ” = w > wey ie {is WuLLLY ‘BONSd 33SYHL 30INd VOLUME CI. ote — STEER eames SEPTEMBER 5, ) PUBLISHED eee Se ae a RPE TAME T TIS. Re 6 nenameetacatten. 220 ates ‘aii, Lil mg ~ : af Holl Sis v2! iS \ 66 S 9) King of ] () H A N N | Table Waters. Scgivlcieu @ Lue Gemerai fost View ae a Newspaper.)

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Pt NCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Sepremper 5, 1891. MACMILLAN’S -MACAZINE.. Ne 3. SEFTEMEER. its! Contents LA First ety of Tasajara; by Pret Marte “pe Henri Pestaloazi by ©. J. Hamilton Fruit-growing in Florida Arthur Montefiore Baiome The Hamours of Baccarat The Ladies Wreath A Sermon in Rouen; by WF. Stockley The Story of am Oak Tree; by Alan Adair The Great Work MACMILLAN & © LONDON enr-eee7) NOTICE. The price of the Evoursn I ereaten Macazixen i¢ now Six- pence Net. The terms on which & & eur ied to bookecliera are not such as wi enable them to eell the Magazine at ices than the published price. THE ENGLISH ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE | Por SEPTEMBER a contains — Moments, Pagraved by T W. Lascelles, raw ing by Max Ludby Front a gunp ef Oe Year. Lewis Morris The Rese Jewish Immigraat. Li. The Rev. § ng lliustrated The ) Queen « Private Gardens at Osborne. L. ER ler lliustrated ma. Jealousios. Alan Adair Smegest Meapttat, Westminster. Robert Hunter ~ * ~ Terkiah yy By Fatima. Illustrated from ’ Ohiewich Past and Present. ©. J. Hamilton strated by Mrs. Jopling Rowe & The Witch of eo Chaps KXVI.. KEXVII t sded FP. Marion awiord Illustrated yw Hennessy MACMILLAN & ©O CONDY’S FLUID. USED IN ALL HOSPITALS. CONDY'S REMEDIAL FLUID COND Y’S.—A Household Word. COND Y’S.—In Sore Throats ever Fails. COND Y’S.—The Sovereign Cure for Relaxed Throat. “TI Gnd the Condy and cold water gergie excellent, many cases being cured immediately Dr. T. W. Hannes It is of great service as « disinfect ing and stimulating gargie Dr. Waap, Seaman s Hospital SORE THROATS.—Slight Cases Cured at Once. “Bvery case showed an immediate improvement Dr. Reppraroarn COND Y’S.—Severe Sore Throat uickly Relieved. “TI nqye om ~ ~y* es invariabie CONDY’S.. ” For Irritating Dis- | cha Menprecat Trwee CONDY’S. “The “Lancet” says: Altogether it is not wonderful that this Piuid has been « favourite with scientific and unscientific men CONDY’ 8. ~Everyone should read porte by eminent medical autho rities fo rding useful information on ' rous ailments, issued with every bottle, or sent free by post om applica CONDY'S FLUID WORKS, 6, TURNMILL STREET, E.@ SULPHOLINE ruvm LOTION THE CURE FOR ERUPTIONS, BLOTCHES, ECZEMA, ACNE DISFIGUREMENTS MAKI THE SKIN CLEAR, 8MOOTH, SUPPLE, HEALTUY Cabebs, Stramonium and ’ Cannab. Ind Always SAVAR $ and frequently cure : Threat Cough, Bronchitia, Influcusa One Cigarette CUBEB mt ee ge CIGARETTES. 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Price List free COLT’S FIREARMS CO., 2%, Glasshouse St, Plecadilly Circus, London ¥ — SEP’

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SepremBer 5, 1891.} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 109 =——— SOME CIRCULAR NOTES. Carrer III. Reims —Night—Streets—Arrival—Lion d’ Or—Depression—Land- lady— Boots— Cathedral— Loneliness— Bed. Ir is just ten o’clock. Reims seems to be in bed and fast asleep except for the presence in the streets of a very few persons, official | and unofficial, of whom the former are evidently on the alert as to movements, slouching and uncertain, of the latter. | history in a vague kind of way, breaking off suddenly to say that | shall see it to-morrow, when, + | Roman Arch will speak for itself. | looking Museum. I believe it is a Museum, thongh Daverver’s | information is a trifle uncertain on this point. We pass a theatre, brilliantly illuminated. I see — on the wall sdeastiaian the performance. A gendarme, in full uniform, as | if he had come out after playing Sergeant Lupy in Robert Macaire, | is pensively airing himself under the facade fat there is no one else within sight,—no one ; not a cocher with whom Sergeant Lupy can chat, nor even a gamin to be ordered off; and though, from one point of view, this exterior desolation may argue well for the business the theatre is doing, yet, as there is no logical certainty that the | people, who do not appear outside a show, should therefore necessarily f inside it, the temple of the Drama may, after all, be as empty as was Mr. Crummiles’ Theatre, when somebody, looking through a hole | in the curtain, announced, in a state of great excitement, the advent | of another boy to the pit. And now we rattle over the stones joltingly, along a fairly well- lighted street. All the shops fast asleep, with their eyelids closed, | that is, their shutters up, all except one establishment, garish] lighted and of defiantly rakish appearance, with the wo Café Chantant written up in jets of gas; and within this Café, as we jolt along, I espy a dame du comptoir, a weary waiter, and two or three second-class, flashy-looking customers, drinking, smoking, perhaps arguing, at all events, gesticulating, which, with the low-class | Frenchmen, comes to much the same thing in the end, the end pro- bably being their expulsion from the dri -saloon. Where is the chantant portion of the café? I cannot see,—perhaps in some | inner recess. With this flash of brilliancy, all sign of life in Reims Coappeess. We drive on, jolted and rattled over the cobble stones ; i not cobble, what are they? Wobble?)—and so up to the on yr, I am depressed. I can’t help it. It is de prisoners in a black van; I should have said “* ers,” but the | sombre character of the omnibus suggests ‘‘ Black Maria;” it is | depressing (I repeat to myself), to be the only two passengers driving | through a dead town at night-time, as if we were the very personifi- | cation of “‘the dead of ht” being taken out in a hearse to the nearest cemetery. Even Davsrvet feels it, for he is silent, ex when he tries to rouse himself by exclaiming ‘‘ Caramba!’ twice does he make the attempt, and then, meeting with no response from me, he collapses. Nor does it relieve depression to be set down in a solemn courtyard, lighted by a solitary gas- lamp. This in itself would be quite sufficient to make a weary traveller | melancholy, without the tolling of a gruesome bell to announce our arri- val. Thisdispiriting sound seems to affect nobody in the house, except a lengthy young man in a desperate state | of unwakefulness, who sleepily resents our arrival in the midst of his first slumber (he must have gone to bed at nine), and drowsily | expresses a wish to | be informed (for he will not take the trouble to examine into the matter for — a whether e have any" . vated and Tintenif used in forth to greet us with a hearty welcome, and no buxom ostess is there to order the trim waiting-maid, with poli Then we dri pressing to be the only y candlestick, ‘‘ to show the gentleman his room.” And, at length, when a hostess, amiable but shivering, does a ypear, there is still an absence of all geniality ; no questions are ochol as to what we might like to take in the way of refreshment, there is no fire to cheer us, no warm drinks are suggested, no apparent probability of getting | food or liquor, even if we wanted it, which, thank Heaven, we don’t, not having recovered from the last hurriedly-swallowed meal at the railway buffet en route. Yes, at the “* Lion d’Or” at Reims, on this occasion, hic et nunc, is a combination of melancholy cir- ; | cumstances which would have delighted Mark Tapley, and, as We drive under ancient Roman Arch; Davatver tells me its|as | know, Mark Tapley only. : : : ~e (oe ateell ive past a desolate-|a knowledge of the house, has disay | is decidedly soporific. and this sense of depression becomes aggra-|a tune i : when no genial Boniface (as the landlord| matter. W variably to be styled in romances of half a century ago) comes continued in our next;” “ . 99 . - On an oceasion like this,” I murmur to myself, having no one » he evidently wishes me to infer, the | else to whom I can murmur it confidentially,—for Davsrvet, having ypeared down some mysterious | passage in order to examine and eae our rooms,—** there indeed, some merit in being jolly.” Davervet returns. He has found the rooms. boots will carry our things upstairs. Which of the two rooms will | have? They are en suite. I make no choice. It is, I protest, a matter of perfect indifference to me; but one room being infinitely | superior to the other, I select it, apologetically. Davnryert, being more of a Mark Tapley than I am, is quite satisfied with the areagement, and has almost entirely recovered his wonted high | rits. ee Very good. Trés bien! Da! Petzikoff! Pedadjoi! I shall sleep | like a top. Bon soir! Buono notte! Karascho! Blass the Prince of 18, The somnolent | ty i} UPS oe KA) Warrzs!”” and he has disappeared into his bedroom. I never knew | a man so quick in unpacking, getting into bed, and going to sleep. He hasn’t far to go, or else Morpheus must have caught im up, en route, and hypnotised him, I hear him singing and humming for two minutes; I hear him calling out to me, “All right? Are you all right?” and, once again invoking the spirit of Mark Tapley, | throw | all the joviality I can into i | reply as I say, through the wall, | ‘Quite, thanks. Jolly! Good-night!” But my reply is wasted on him ; he has t a deaf ear to me, the other being on the pillow, and gives no sign. If he is -—7 the suddenness of the collapse is almost alarming. Once again I dress him. No answer. I continue my unpacking. All my portmanteau arrangements seem to have me unaccountably complicated. ] pause and look round. Cheer- less. The room is bare and lofty, the bed is small, the window is large, and the one solitary je sheds a gloom around which makes unpacking a difficulty. I 1 up the blind. A lovely moonlight night In front of me, as if it had had the politeness to put itself out of the way to walk up here, and pay me a visit, stands the | Cathedral, that is——some of it; but what I can see of it, au clair | de la lune, fascinates me. It is — chilly all the same, and the sooner I close it is friendly. But it is "he window =) retire the better. Usual difficulty, of course, in closing French window. After a violent struggle, it is done. The bed looks chilly, and I feel sure that that stuffed, pillow-like thing, which is to do duty for blanket coverlet, can’t be warm enough. Hark! a gentle snore. A very gentle one. I ever knew a snore exercise a soothing effect on the listener. This It is an invitation to sleep. I accept. The Cathedral clock sounds a carillon. lt plays half a tune, too, es if this was all it had learnt up to the present, or perhaps to intimate that there is more where that comes from, only I must wait for to-morrow, and be contented with this instalment. I am. Half s better than no tune at all, or vice versd: it doesn’t When the tune breaks off I murmur to myself, ‘*To be and so—as | believe, for I remember after this—I doze off to sleep on this my first night in the ancient town of Reims. It is the first time VOL. CI. L

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$$$ 110 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Sertemper 5, 189], BUMBLE BROUGHT TO BOOK. Mr. Reroute... has taken the unusual step of preparing a memorandum explanatory of . . . the Public Health (London) Act, which comes into operation Fim the ist of January ... The Vestries and District Councils . . . have come out with increased powers, but also with increased responsibilities. ey are re future known as ‘the sanitary authorities’; they must make bye-laws, and enforce not only their own, but those made by the County Council ; and, if Tha ey fail in their duty—as, for example, in the matter of removing house-refuse, or keeping the streets clean—they are liable to a fine. It is pleasant think that, in future, any ratepayer may bring Mr. Bumuiz to book.”"— The Times.]} But Of : ] ne As But She Oh. Or Or Oh Di In As Mi: If [1 I Bi Cs I A 0 A} fi a r f it | ¢ : | ? | { I lent of the Local Government Board. ‘‘Tuere’s Mr. Bumere’s Work, MADAM, AND IT'LL BE YOUR OWN FAULT IF You DON'T KEEP HIM UP TO IT!” ‘ t Bumble, Wot, more dooties piled upon me? , But this "ere Memyrandum’s a startler. J Me see that the dust-pails is emptied. and It’s a beastly black shame and a bore, want to know what's to be done. underground bedrooms made sweet ? | Which Rrrenre beats Oliver Twist ina canter Me keep the streets clean, me go poking my Me nail the Court Notices hup upon Butchers at ‘* asking for more.” dalicot nose into ’oles as deals in bad meat ? | Didn't grasp his dashed Hact, not at fust, As ain't fit for ‘ogs, but is kep’ for them Great Scissors, it’s somethink houtrageous. though of course I opposed it like fun ; Sweaters’ pale wictims—pore soles ? I knew Rircnre’s Act meant ’ard lines,

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SepremBer 5, 1891.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. And it’s was than I could ‘ave emagined. | But wot I funk most is them Fives!!! | —— Me—if I make a mistake, as, perhaps, | even BUMBLE may do! That is turning the tables a twister! More | powers? Ah, well, that might do, Rut inerease my great ‘* Responsibilities,” | give them Ratepayers a chance Of a calling me hover the coals! Won't this | make my hold henemies dance ? I never did like that Hyexra, a pompous and nose-poking minx— \ sort of a female Poll Pry, with a heye like an ‘ork or a lynx; But the making me “‘Sanit’ry,” too—oh, I know wot that means to a T. } She's cock—or say, hen—of the walk, and/ her sanit’ry slave 'll be Me! Oh, I fancy I see myself sweeping the snow | from the streets with a broom, Or explorin’—with fingers to nose — some | fave hunderground room ! Or a-trotting around with the dust-pails | when scavengers chance torun short! | Oh, just won't the street-boys chyike me and ‘ousemaids of BuMBLE make sport ? Disgustin’! But there Rrremre stands with his dashed Memyrandum. A look In his heye seems to tell me that he too enjoys | bringing BumBLE to book, \s the Zimes—I’m serprised at that paper !— | most pleasantly puts it to-day. My friend Bowes the Butcher too! Moses! | wot would my old parlour-chum say If he saw me a nailing a Notice—but no, that’s too horrid a dream, I must be a ’aving a Nightmare, and things! cannot be wot they seem. | I could do with mere Laws—bye or hother- | wise—Hacts, jest like Honours, is easy, | But this Memyrandum of Rrrcure’s queers | BumBie, and makes him feel queasy, Can't pertend as I don’t hunderstand it, it’s plain as my nose, clear as mud. I'm responsible for— p Roee-aenaing | It -_ ’ stirs up a Beadle’s blood ! And when they can Fine me for negligence, A MODEST REQUEST. on’ Perochial digeite’ baat — seck a “T HEAR YoU 'RE SO CLEVER ABOUT ZENANA WoRK, WILL YOU SHOW ME THE pick-up at my Pub! [ Does so. Stircn t” . 4 ? | partment already packed with passengers for Barminster, who retreat “ FIRST-CLASS” TRAVELLING | awe-stricken at your approach. | a ute BF ao sae a = . | 4. Immediately on taking possession of your carriage, recline the Slade Easy, by Paying a ‘‘ Third-class” Fare and a small additional Tip. whole length of Ae five — faced by a three sympathetic and (By One wo nas Dong It.) anxious-miened female companions. Be careful to give each of the o é | assistant porters certainly not less than sixpence apiece in ostentatious 1. Arrtveat station in four-wheeler, accompanied by lots of super- | fashion. Do not, however, as yet administer the shilling, or perhaps, fluous rugs, wraps, air-cushions, and pillows, &c., and if your do- | oj hteenpence you purpose giving to the original guard of the train mestic arrangements permit of it, two young ladies and one middle- | who is to hand you over to the official who will have charge of you aged one, who should assume an anxious and sympathetic mien. | after. Bolchester. 2. On your cab drawing up, stay with a gentle forbearance the} 5, You will possibly have a mawrais quart d'heure before rush of the ordinary attentive porter, and request him, as if you had | depazture, forthough your guard, in hopes of the remunerative fee, will something important to communicate, to coal you ‘the guard of the | have carefully locked you in, he will not be able to prevent the cal- train ”’ by which you prspese to travel. On the appearance of this | culating and more or less unfeeling British public, who, composed of a | official, who will not fail to turn up, you will now appeal to one of | party of nine, are looking for as many places as they can find | Your three female assistants, the middle-aged one for choice. Placing | together, from discovering that you have six vacant places in your | your case, as it were, in her hands, she will, in a half-sympathetic, carriage, and directing the attention of other railway officials, not half-commanding tone, address the official somewhat as follows :— | initiated into your secret agreement, to this circumstance. You | This gentleman, who is travelling to Barminster, and is going | must therefore be red for some such curt brutality as, ‘‘ Why, | third-class (she makes a point of this), is, as you see, a great invalid, | look ’ere, Emma, there’s room for ’arf-a-dozen of us’ere!” or, “I’m | and he will require (this with a certain sense of being understood to| sure ’e needn't be a sprawlin’ like that, takin’ ’arf the carriage to | mean a handsome tip) a carriage to himself.” If said with a certain | ’jsself,” a rebuke which your feminine supporters resent in their | self-assurance, involving a species of lofty wink, this will probably | severest manner. You are, however, at length saved by the inter- | be understood in the right sense by the official in question, and will | position of your guardian angel, who sweeps awa the party of nine be probably met by some such assurance as—‘‘ The train is very full, | unseated ones with a voice of commanding control, as much as to say, Madam, but I will do my best for the gentleman, and can ensure |‘ This isn’t your end of the train; besides, can't you see the poor him, I think, a compartment to himself, at least, as faras Bolchester, | gentleman’s pretty well dying?” And he does hurry them off, and | where I leave the train. But I will explain the matter to my suc-| pack them in somewhere or other, but whether to their satisfaction | cessor, and I have no doubt that he will be able (this also with a/ or not, it is easier to hazard agen than faithfully to record. | Significant wink) to ensure the gentleman’s seclusion. You are, I) 6. Bolchester is reached, and you are formally introduced to your think, four? If you will follow me, and take my arm, Sir, I think | final guarding and protecting angel, who rapidly takes in the situa- | we shall be able to manage it for you.” | tion, and by an assurance that he will see to your comfort, this, | 3. Enlist the assistance of several attendant porters, regardless of accompanied by a slightly perceptible wink, leaves you in happy | *pparent outlay, who have been fairly let into your secret, and are expectation, which the t justifies, of reaching your destination | prepared to, and in fact absolutely Xo, empty a third-class com- ! uninvaded.

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112 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. a (Serpremper 5, 189],

THE TRAVELLING COMPANIONS. No. V. Scenr—lpper deck of the Rhine Steamer, Kénig Wilhelm, some- where between Bonn and Bingen. The little tables on deck are ied by English, American, and Gierman tourists, drinking iquids, from hock to Pilsener beer, and eatin~ veal- Mr. Cyrus K. Trorrer ts on the lower deck, discussing parative merits of the New York hotels with a fellow Miss Mavp 8. Trorrer is seated on the after- n close conversation with CULCHARD. Poppury ts perched camp-stool in the forward part. Near him a British Vatron, with a’ved-haired son, in a green and black blazer, and blue flannel mghtcap, and a hery of rabbit-faced daughters, e patromsing atame German Student in spectacles, who speaks ittle Enalis h. The British Matron hief city, you know. 1 Rabbit-faced Daughter (with a simper). Quite a little world ! She looks down her nose, as if in fear of having said something a little too original. The Germ, Stud. No, \ haf not yet at London peen. Ven I vill pedder nelisch learn, I go. The Blazer. You read our English books, I suppose?’ Dickens, you About that’s his best w, and Homer, eh? Trojan War WwW The Stud. ( Ollendorffcally). I “Ae haf not read Dieorns; but I haf z 4. ud ze bapers by Bigrig. Zey are ~ ry indereshtin, and gurious., ~— “< 1 Patriotic Young Scot (to an , | viring Elderly Lady in a black ushroom hat). Eh, but we just le a pairrty and went up Auld Drachentels, and when we got to tope, we danced a richt gude reel, and sang, ‘‘ We’re a’ her an’ naebody by.” conclud- ist to show, ye ‘ll lerstan’, that we were | sul s—wi ** God e th’ Queen.” The | nts didna seem just \ know what to mak’ of , | prawmise ye ! The Black Mushroom. | How I wish I’d been one ma Scot \can- ; ! 1 loot your fees \/S “ i ha’ steod such — | URY becomes rest- ess, and picks his way mong the camp stools to CUL- HARD and Miss Trorrer. Podbury (to himself - Time J 1 a look in, I think. Aloud. ll, Miss Trotrer, what do you nk of the Rhine, as far as ’ Wi i ve ror Viss T. Well, I guess it’s navi- ible, as far as J’re got. Podb. No, but I mean to say t come up to the mark in the scenery line, you know ? Miss T. | cannt answer that till I know whereabouts it is they the seenery-line. I expect Mr. Cu_cuarp knows. He knows well everything. Would you like to have him explain the y to yougoing along’ Hisexplanationsare vurry improving, ia ire you Podb. 1 daresay ; but the scenery just here is so flat that even friend’s remarks won't improve it. l producing his note-book ostentatiously). 1 do not propose tempt it. Mr. Cyrus K. Trotter dise ita f Oh, you ought to see London; it’s our capital __ Very grand—large—four million inhabitants ! With pride, as being in some way responsible for this. vussing New York Hotels. Miss T. That’s so. I don’t believe the poetic spirit has much | chance of slopping over so long as Mr. PopBuRY is around, Yo have considerable merit as a stopper, Mr. PopBury. Podb. 1 see; I'd better clear out till the poetry has all gurgled out of him, eh? Is that the idea ? ‘ Miss T. If it is, it’s your own, so I guess it’s a pretty good one, PopBury s ers off. Culch. (with his pathetic stop on). I wish I more of your divine patience! Poor fallow, he is not without his good points; ut I do | tind him a thorn in my flesh oceasionally, I’m afraid. ; Miss T. Well, I don’t know as a thorn in the flesh is any the | pleasanter for having a good point. y , Culch. Profoundly true, indeed. I often think I could like him better if there were less in him to like. I assure you he tries me s at times that I could almost.wish I was back at work in my depart- ment at Somerset House ! ; Miss T. I daresay you have pretty good times there, too. Isn't | that one of your leading dry goods stores ¢ i Culch. (pained). It™is not; it is a Government ce, and I am in | the Pigeonhole and Docket Depart- | ment, with important duties to dis- | charge. I hope you didn’t imagine I sold ribbons and calico over a counter ? q Miss T. lanhpeesy) Well, I wasn’t just sure. It takes a pretty | bright man to do that where I come | from. | An Old Lady (who is sitting next to Popsury, and reading a home-letter to another Old Lady). ** Dear Marra and dear MApELINe are close by, they have taken very comfortable lodgings in Marine Crescent. Dear MapEetrvr’s frame is expected down next Saturday.” Second Old Lady. MAvDELINe’s frame! Is eny Ging wrong with | the poor girl’s spine rst Old Lady. I never heard of it. Oh, I see, it’s fiancé, my dear. CAROLINE does write so ille- gibly. (Continuing.) ‘* Um—um, —suppose you know she will be maimed——” (perhaps it 1s her | spine after all—oh, married, to be sure), ‘very slowly” (is it slowly | or shortly, 1 wonder 7), um—um, | ‘very quiet wedding, nobody but | dear Mr. Witxryson and his | hatter.” Second O. L. The idea of choos- ing one’s hatter for one’s best man! I’m surprised Marra should allow

First O. L. Marta always was peculiar—still, now I come to look, it’s more like ‘‘ brother,” which is certainly much more suitable. | (Continuing.) ‘She will have | no—no bird’s-marks ...” (Now, what does that—should you think | that meant ‘‘crows-feet”? Oh, no, how stupid of me—bridesmaids, | of course !)—‘‘ and will go to the | otter a plain guy ’—(Oh, Caronive really is too....)—*‘to the altar in plaingrey ! She has been given such quantities of pea-nuts (very odd things to give a girl! Oh, presents’ um, um)—"* Not settled yet where to go for their h an’’—(the officiating clergy- man, I suppose—very flippant way of putting it, I must say! It's meant for honeymoon, though, I see, to be sure /) &c., &e. Culch. I should like to be at Nuremberg with you. It would be an unspeakable delight to watch the expansion of a fresh young #0 in that rich medieval atmosphere !

t No doubt you will be more successful in entertaining! Miss 7. I guess youll have opportunities of watching Mr. Pop- Miss Trorrer than I can pretend to be. I retire in your favour. pukyY’s fresh young soul under those conditions, any way. (He seribbles.| Culch. It Gault not be at all the same thing—even if he—but | Podb, Is that our expenses you’re corking down there, CuLcHap, | you do think you’re coming to Nuremberg, don’t you ? _ \@ Miss T. Well, it’s this way. Poppa don’t want to pct fooling Culch. (with dignity). If you want to know, I am “ corki around any more one-horse towns than he can help, and he’s got to | wn,” to adopt your elegant expression, a sonnet that suggested | be fixed up with the idea that Nuremberg is a prominent Europea tacit to me. sight before he drops everything to get there. Podb. Much better cork that up, old chap—hadn’t he, Miss| Culch. I will undertake to interest him in Henembore. Fortu- TROTTER ? [He glances at her for appreciation. | nately, we are all getting off at Bingen, and going, curi y enough, |

ye th st p" st

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September 5, 1891.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 113 the same hotel. (Zo hemself.) Confound that fellow Popsvrr, here he is again ! Podb. (to himself, as he advances). If she’s carrying on with that fellow, CULCHARD, to provoke me, 1’ll soon show her how little I— Aloud.) I say, old man, hope I’m not interrupting you, but I just want to speak to you for a minute, if Miss Trorrer will excuse us. Is there any particular point in going as far as Bingen to-night, eh ? Culch. (resignedly). As much as there is in not going farther than somewhere else, J should have thought. Podb. Well, but look here—why not stop at Bacharach, and see what sort of a place it is? Culeh. You forget that our time is limited if we ’re going to stick to our original route, Podb. Yes, of course; mustn’t waste any on the Rhine. Suppose we push on to Maintz wr and get the Rhine off our hands then? (With a glance at Miss Trorrer.) The sooner I’ve done with this steamer business the better! Miss T. Well, Mr. Popsvry, that’s not a vurry complimentary re- mark to make before me ! Podb. We’ve seen 80 little of one another lately that it can hardly make much difference—to either of us—can it ? Miss T. Now I call that real kind, yen ’re consoling me in advance! | ets dat I haf nod yed seen! For Bingen—so ? gets off—is it Bacharach or Maintz, The Steward (coming up). De dic eramining CULCHARD’S cou ). Culch. Iam. This yrs wed PopBURY ? Podb. (sulkily). Neither, as it happens. I’m for Bingen, too, as you won't ° anywhere else. Though you did say when we started, that the advantage of travelling like this was that we could go on or stop just as the fancy took us! Culch. (calmly), 1 did, my dear Popsvry. But it never occurred to me that the fancy would take you to get tired of a place before you got there ! Podb. (as he walks forwards). Hang that fellow! I know I shall punch his head some day, And She didn’t seem to care whether | stayed or not. (Hopefully.) But you never can tell with women! [He returns to his camp-stool and the letter-reading Old Ladies. A SONG IN SEASON. ’Twas the autumn time, dear love, The English autumn weather ; And, oh, it was sweet, it was hard to beat As we sailed that day together ! It was cold when we started out, As we noted with sad surprise ; And the tip of your nose was as blue, I suppose, As the blue of your dear, dear eyes. We sailed to Hampton Court, And the sun had burnt us black; Then we dodged a shower for the half of an hour, And then we skated back ; Till the weather grew depressed At the shifting state of its luck, And the glass, set fair, = it up in despair, And much of the lightning struck. We sat on the bank in the storm, In the mot fall of the snow, In the stinging hail and the howling gale, And the scorching sun, vs, know ; We sat in it all—yes, all! We cared for no kind of weather— What made us so mad was the fact that we had The whole of the kinds together. ROBERT'S FUTURE. _ My kind Amerryeain aquaintance—I musn’t call him frend tho’ is so werry free and social with me, for I hopes I knos my prop t place—has giwen me a long acount of his week at Brighton. t seems as he was in grate luck, for it was Brighton Race Week, nd he is good enuff to say that, whatever diffrent opinyons the men ther countries may find in regard to the warious customs and manners of our grate but rayther rum nashun, they all agrees, with one acord, that a English race-course is the prettyest and nicest thing of the sort that the hole world can show. I rayther thinks as he dropt his money there, but it couldn’t have bin werry much, for it didn’t have the least effeck on his good temper. It eems as he got interdooced to some sillybrated pusson who rites in Pp 1p and seemed to kno everythink, but wot he wanted to kno was if 1 coud tell him what caused his werry bad indijeshun, to which I at once replied, without a moment’s hesitashun, that it was prob- ne berbly owing to his being, wich he told me he was, a sort of relashun of a real Common Councilman of the Grand old Citty of London! at which he larfed quite hartily,’and said, ** Bravo, Mr. Rone, that’s one to you!” He arterwards arsked me for the werry best place to go to, where he coud have jest about a few hours quiet refleckshun all to hisself without not nothink to disturb him; so I sent him to Marlow gentlemanly Marlow, if you please, with a letter to my old friend Brit the Fisherman, and there, he told me arterwards, he had sich a luvly day of it as he never rememberd having afore. He sat | waiting! What a prospeck ! | | | for fours ours in a luvly Punt, in a bewtifool drizzlin rain, with lots of fish a biting away, but he was much too much engaged to pay the | least atenshun to ’em, and there wasn’t not noboddy to bother him : so he sat there, and thort out about the most himportentest ewent of his life; and when I waited upon him at the ‘* Grand Hotel” arter- | wards, I don’t think as I ewer seed a reel Gent, as he suttenly is, in |such jolly good sperrits. So, seeing how werry successfool I had | been, I wentured to say to him,—** And now, Sir, if you wants to see gentlemanly Marlow in quite another aspic, and one that estonishes and delites all as sees it, just take the 9°45 train from ag ms oe next Sunday, and, drectly you gets there, go at wunce |'to the Lock, and there, for ours and ours you will see sitch a sight | of most ravishing bewty, combined with helegance and hart, as praps }no other spot in all the hole world can show! Why, Sir,” I said, | ** every time as the full Lock opens its yawning gates, at the com- mand of one of the principel hofficers of the Tems Conserwancy, you will think of the Gates of Parrydice a hopening for a excurshun of hundreds of the most bewtifoollest Angels as ginerally lives |there!”” “*‘ Why, Mr. Ropert,” says the Amerrycain, “ your hen- |thusiasm xcites my curosity, and Ill suttenly go, and,” he added, with almost a blushing smile, ‘I rayther thinks as I'll take a companion with me.” And off he went on the follering Sunday, and didn’t git back | till seven o'clock to dinner, and his fust words to me was,- | “* Mr. Ropert, you didn’t in the least xagerate the bewty of the scene as you sent me for to see—it was as strange and as lovely as a | Faery Tail! I wasn’t at all surprised to see what Swells there was 'among ’em, and what werry particklar attentions they paid to ’em, |cos I reklek how My Lord Ranoputy Cuvrents slected that par- ticklar spot, on henny particklar fine Sunday, to seek that werry welcome and much wanted change from his sewere Parlementary dooties, as he used wen he were ere among us to rekquire, for | guess as there ain’t sitch a sight to be seen not nowheres else so well calklated to brighten a pore feller up who's jest about done up with reel hard work.” I didn’t quite understand what made my Amerryeain smile quite so slily as he finished his rayther long speech, but he most certenly did, and then set to work at his dinner. He arterwards told me as how as he means to pay a wisit, when the season begins, to our new Hotel at Monty Carlo, sumwheres in France, and try his new system at the Tables, and if he suckseeds, as he knows he shall, he will, praps, sum day tell me his secret, and then I shall have to ask my gentlemanly Manager here to let | me have a few weeks there, and then I shan’t want todo any more | Rowert.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. | [Sepremper 5, 1891. | | Jali teeess J ri. hyaws ih! ole) be COUNTRY-HOUSE PETS. THAL r ‘ NVIGVNVJ . The Morning-Room at Glen-Dimity Castle, after Lunch. Mr. Belamy Tabby is singing ‘‘ Hi tiddley hi ti, hi, ti, hi!”, +. The Duchess. “‘How CLEVER AND AMUSIN’ Your Frrenp, Mr. WHATSHISNAME I8!—T7ABBY, ISN'T IT? SO GOOD-LOOKIN’ AND ool LEMANLIKe TOO! Qvrre a Gopsenp on A Raryy Day LIKE THIS, WHEN ALL THE MEN ARE OUT SHOOTIN’ OR FISHIN’, OR SOME- io ‘ Is ne Marrizp’” - Noble Hostess, *‘Ou Yes ; BUT WHAT’s SO NICE ABOUT HIM, HE DOESN’T MIND BEIN’ ASKED WITHOUT HIS WIFE, THOSE SORT OF —_ SONS SO OFTEN EXPECT THEIR WIVES TO BE ASKED TOO, AND THAT'S SUCH A Bork, You KNow!” yo Her Grace, ** Y1 now SensteLe or nim! I MUST GET HIM TO CoME TO US AT BrasENoss Towers!” = —— —————— bhed Push on, brave bearer of piercing Light, . » . . -_ ! THE CANADIAN “ SEARCH-LICHT.” Through pestilential gloom, LINES BY A LEWISHAM WITLER. - AS or SINCERE SYMPATHY Where crawls the spawn of Corruption’s night! | Tak Penn is mightier than the sword— ead ce, Deal out, stout searcher, to left and right, Of any Red-Rad whipster. =~ \ The Slave in the Dismal Swamp.” The cleansing strokes of doom. I said he’d win—doubted my word; ; . But I’m the O. K. tipster. ee lark fens of the Dismal Swam That fair lithe form in that fleet frail bark | Rads roughed on me and called me “ Bung;” = - = we } to . _ oe Is a comely Nemesis, I’ve bunged them up—a corker— = Sy inch euneteanan ceeiiians "eakl tenn Oe Before whose menace ’tis good to mark At the result their heads they hung. . iat creatures crawling midst jungle damp | The reptile dwellers in dens so dark They whip the Witler? Walker! ° Seuttle from light away Driven with growl and hiss. Revealing radiance shine, oh shine, Through black bayou and brake, Where knotted parasites intertwine, And through the tangles of poisonous vine Glideth the spotted snake. Where hardly a human foot would pass, Or an honest heart would dare The quaking mud of the foul morass, [grass, With rank weed choked, and with clotted Fit for a reptile’s lair. They dread the light, do those dismal things, Its gleam they dare not face. rheir snaky writhings, their bat-like wings, lheir quaking menace of fangs and stin 4 . ss Make horror of the place. All things should be so bright and fair In a land so glad and free ; But the Search-Light layeth dark secrets bare . And shows how loathsomeness builds a lair Ir u land of Libe rty. 4 ’ | And the stealthy snake of the sudden blow, The saurian huge and the lizard slow, Foul shapes of ruthless All owl-like shrink from the Search-Light’s glow, Or fly with felon speed. Corruption’s spawn must be chased and slain, Scourged from the wholesome earth. It clingeth else like the curse of Carn. Smite, smite like flail upon garnered grain, These things of bestial birth ! Oid Doggerel Re-dressed. (After reading certain Criticisms on certain Novel- ists, certain Comments on those Criticisms, and certain Rejownders to those Comments.) LitTLe novelists have little critics, Like little gnats, to bite ’em ; ‘ Those little critics have lesser critics, We’re the Penn-holders. For their man That One-Six-Nine-Three nicked him, Witlers warmed up *‘ Old Warmingpan ;’ Penn gave him odds, and licked him. ** Villadom ”’ did its duty—game ; Rads jeered it ; that’s their mania. Lewisham ? No, we'll change the name, And call it—Prnn-Sylvania ! ’ Trp sy 4 Tory.—The Star, talking of ‘“Hoper’s Political Salvation,” says that | Mr. Giapstone has given the Liberal country programme in a sentence. J will give it ina | word. It is all ‘*‘ Hodge-podge! ” Unartrractive ComBrnation.—If a young | woman is ‘ fast,” and uncommonly ugly, | wouldn’t she make a great mistake were she | to combine the two qualities, and be “* fast- | ’idious ” ? Name ror a Certary Secrion or THE And so ad infinitum ! ItLustraTeD Press.—The Nude Journalism.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Serremper 5 . eg gg ON a eee THE CANADIAN “SEARCH-LIGHT.”

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/ es Mi W Bu Th Yo Prov Ha TING nor Rit es

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—_—__ SepremBer 5, 1891.]} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. 117 THE COQUETTE:0F THE PERIOD. You vowed you loved me, but your eyes Said just the same to dozens, The music of ree low replies, Was heard y several cousins. Forgive me if 1 could not cupe, With charms so comprehensive ; And scarce believed a love whose scope, Was really,too extensive. la a ‘ BY ion ei ys & aa) \ em - —— The fashion of the age you,’ll say, But I’ve a predilection For girls who in the olden way _Retain one man’s affection. You favoured me with witching smiles, You gave me frequent dances ; But other men that I wished miles Away, enjoyed your glances. Man loves as men loved in old times, And as in legends hoary, We celebrate a maid in rhymes, Is that too old a story ? But still man loves one girl alone, And flies when he discovers— That she he thought was all his own, Has half a dozen lovers. You sighed and said that you felt hurt, And prettily you pouted, When an y called you flirt, A fact I never doubted. And yet such wheedling ways you had, Man yielded willy - y; And half your swains were nearly mad, And all of us were silly. Youth’s first illusions fly a: ’ And now one man pay He searcely can reeal your face, Or colour of your dresses. And whether you were false or true, _ Ur what fate followed after, ‘emembrance only keeps of you The echo of your laughter. PROVERBIAL Prayer FOR A PavpER- HATING BuMBLE.—Gi ither not Ritchie! ve me nei poverty command myself. Ready—present——”’ | Commander-in- | for discipline was strict in the Italian Army. | proprietor of the shop he sacked, and I (for A CREDITABLE INCIDENT IN | THE NEXT WAR. (An Advance Sheet from Mr. Punch's Prophetic | History of Europe.) [*‘ Italy is bound to maintain abroad the appear- | ance of a t and rich country, while at home she ought to conduct herself as if in straitened circumstances.”"— Daily Paper.| Tue Italian Army had been completely victorious. There was but one drawback to the entire satisfaction of the Commander-in- Chief—one of his favourite Generals was under arrest, and was being tried by court- martial. The accused had refused the assist- ance of Counsel, and had insisted upon pleading ‘* Guilty.” “Das.” urges the Commander-in-Chief, may we J — some excuse. To sack a private house belonging to your own country - man was wnpasddeabie. It was an aimless piece of Vandalism! For your own reputa- tion—for the sake of your ancestors — on of your descendants—some explana- tion should be afforded.” * ~~ — is no time for levity,”’ mur- mured a Warrior-Journalist, who was sus- of combining with the duties of a hero | the labours of a Special Correspondent for a | journal. “Do I look like a jester?” asked the Prisoner; and then he added, “‘My brave companions, it is for the honour of our) country—to con her poverty from the | sneers of foreigners—that I carry with me. the secret of my action to the family vault. be me no fu ng-party ! There was nothing further to be said, and | the little procession made its way to the Barrack Square. The Prisoner shook hands warmly with his Judges, and with the weeping soldiery who were to act as his execationers. ‘I will give the words of “ Anaged man had approached the group. He was out of breath with running. The | firing-party paused, and lowered their rifles. a not listen to him!” shouted the Accused. ‘ And if he will not desist, shoot him too—shoot us both.” , ‘** You exceed your duties, Sirrah,” said the ief, with some severity— “* It is for me to command, not you!” The| Prisoner lowered his head at the just reproof, | and then his superior officer continued,‘* Why | do you ask us to desist?” ‘Because the Prisoner is innocent. He | acted from the best of motives. I was the| after all, I am a patriot) demand his pardon ! s “You!” exclai the Commander-in- Chief. ‘‘Surely you ought to be the last to urge such a plea. We do not know what your shop contained, but presume that the contents was your 4d : “You are right in the presumption,” acquiesced the aged man; ‘‘ but these docu- ments will show that he was right, from a military point of view, to sack my shop.” The Commander-in-Chief nesily lanced at the papers, and with a thrill of pleasure, per ant ym favourite General to be released. “This mystery must never be revealed,” he murmured. And it never would, had not the hero-journalist printed the story. Thus it was that the tale became international property. Now it is known all the world over that the General sacked a shop to obtain the arms and accoutrements of the Italian | Army. But it is still (com ratively) a secret that the proprietor of the establish-| ment carried on on the premises the basine| of a pawnbroker ! | For who are they ? COMPULSORY GREEK; Or, Byron vr To Dare. (A British Boy's View on a Burning Question.) Compvisory Greek! Compulsory Greek ! Though “ burning Saprno loved and sung,” Why in Greek shackles should they seek To bind the British schoolboy’s tongue ? Eternal bores, that Attic set, ret. But, heaven be thanked, we'll ‘‘ chuck ” them ** The Scian and the Teian Muse”’ Ruled us as tyrants absolute ; Now even pedagogues refuse To stodge us with such stale old fruit. Why should the Srantey-dowered West Make the Anabasis a test ? er—see, I am ready for the | | They teach us about Marathon, But what is Marathon to me? Tell me of fights still going on, Men “rightly struggling to be free ;"’ Nay, J find interest much more brave in The mill ’twixt Thingummy and Siavin. Oh, feed me not on mythie lore But Science and the modern Fact, Teach me Electric Fires to store, The difference ’twixt ‘* Bill”’ and ‘‘ Act.” Why should a Cockney care a * cuss” For Homer or for Aiscuytvus ? But what art thou, My Country? On thy fertile shore The heroic lyre is tuneless now ; To scheme for dividends, dig for ore, These are the things we hold icine, Not Homer’s long-resounding line. If you would make a splendid name Kmnidst a lucre-loving race, You must be in god Mammon’s game, And hustle for a foremost place. What do we want with poets here ? For Greece a snub, for Greek a sneer ! Must we still pore’o’er classic text Because our simple fathers said It made ‘‘a gentleman”? What next? Let the dead languages stay dead ! Hooray for Fact and Rule of Three! Compulsory Greek is fiddle-de-dee. Place me on Stock Exchange s steep With nought to do but sell and buy To Bull and Bear we need not keep Our classics up; that’s all my eye. Ho! for the Factory, Mart, and Mine The toils of Greek our souls decline.

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ee 118 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (Serremper 5, 189, THE POOR OVERWORKED PARLIAMENTARY OFFICIAL TRIES TO ESCAPE FOR A HOLIDAY WITHIN HIS OWN COUNTRY. SEPTEM =—— sO - or | The smal defe renti * Liste emphatic interject “'* Wh to Solicit w /), jud Why, e sarily matters, with pro honour @ Well, a ton, whi the whol are (I body, t mt rely 0 course 0 say not, being a? tustous , can't ;” with the own way interest, as the g1 bers are means 0 and of scatterec and acti it—it se ourpris Sur Mh f digni looked Soli itor aly, al ly per respons! fession.’ Mr. F panted, the sur live. 1 * The from thi Presider Law & And ex perhaps Asan is SEC * breath exercise the rece But loo! if flatt ex-Lor yught oncern judgme * Oh, with th * Rig a kn time, it that Be provide has he a pege Boy, y It, fro contide

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cepremper 5, 1891.]} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 119 SOLOMON PELL IN ALL HIS GLORY. A Dickensian Dream at Plymouth. ‘Bor !” eried Mr. Sotomon PExL, in the tones of a severe Stentor. small 1 Ae the Big Blue Bag responded promptly with a ntial ‘* Yussir.”’ Listen!” pursued Mr. Pert, with dignity. And he read with »phatic elocution from some closely-printed columns in the Times, sterjecting exclamatory comments from time to time. ‘When we remember the importance of the work daily intrusted ty Solicitors (Important, indeed !), and the amount of industry ( Quite w /), judgment Exactly /), learning (J believe you !), and integrity Why, cert’n’ly /), it involves, and the responsibility which is neces- sarily incurred by them in advising, not only in public and itical matters, but in all the details of private transactions, the dealings th property, and matters affecting not only the purses, but the honour and reputation (AA! /!), of the members of the community Well, and pointedly put, Boy '), and when we remember, in addi- tion, what a powerful and (on the whole oe body they I should think so!)—a hody, too, consisting not merely of a ‘fortuitous con- urse of atoms” (I should say not, indeed! Fancy me beng a mere ** atom,” or for- tuitous ! ‘Please, Sir, I can't;" interjected the Boy with the Bag)—each going his wn way, and seeking his own interest, but bound together, as the great bulk of its mem- bers are, and organised by means of this great Society, ind of the kindred societies sattered over the country, ind acting in harmony with it seems most surprising Surprising ? Astounding, Sir ') that so little in the way f dignity and reward can be wked forward to by the wlicitor, however honestly, bly, and conscientiously he y perform the arduous and sponsible duties of his pro- “ Mr. Pett here paused, and panted, like one who comes to surface after a deep-sea live. Then he pursued :— “There, Boy! That is from the opening speech of the President of the Incorporated Law Society at Plymouth! And excellent it is,—though perhaps a little long-winded. As a mere sentence, a sinu- is sequence of words, a breather’ in syllables, an rercise in adjectives, it cuts the record and takes the cake. Hut look, Boy, at the sound common-sense of it! Since the famous, | 1 flattering, remarks—concerning Me!—of my late friend, the ex-Lord-Chancellor, who said — nay, swore, that ‘the country ght to be proud of me,’ I have met with ne observations u mrning, Ou Profession which so eommend themselves to my judgment. " che mi ase Sir, yussir, right you are, Sir!” jerked out the Boy “2 toe Dag, ,, Aight Mr, Metmorn Waurers is,” correeted Mr. PEtt, severely. m, knew it would come, Boy, and it Aas. Though it has taken ti ry dem taken time. Listen yet further, and don’t fidget with I contend (He contends ') that it is the duty of the State to provide due recognition of merit in the sof a Profession which ‘as been set apart (Dedicated, as it were, like a—like a—sort of a | iy ahem! no, not that, exactly, either, but—a—you know, *“y, you know !), and regulated (Just a leetle too much, perhaps) by J jan, Which so much is expected, and to which so much is Ace , “Spl ndid! My sentiments toa touch! Sir, that Blue Bag is a Vous ' of Sacred Seerets, and should be a shrine of Open Honour. | as make a note of that Sor my next speech at the Forum /) ‘ Sir “LoMON Pett’ would not sound badly, eh, Boy ?” Le ** Oh, please Sir, yussir—I mean, no, Sir, fur from it, Sir—fur from it! “And yet the Bar gets all the honours, and most of the emolu- ments, whilst the Blue Bag, too often, is sent empty away. Is it just ? Is it judicious ? What says once again the Plymouth oracle ? I ask whether it is wise or prudent on the part of the State to leave unnoticed and disregarded the higher aspirations and ambitions of a large and useful and powerful class of the community t’ No, Sir—a thousand times no! Let our ‘higher aspirations’ be considered. Some of us have souls above six-and-ei — and yearnings beyond bills of costs. Let ’em be gratified, Boy!” a Oh ase Sir, yussir; let ’em! Immediately—if not sooner, ir ** By the State—with’a capital S! If a soldier may carry a Field Marshal’s béton in his knapsack, why, why should not a Solicitor carry a Baronetcy in his Blue Bag r” ** And Ekker answers, ‘ Why?’ Sir.” **T beg your oan, Boy, it is the Zimes, not the Echo, which so ’ answers. The 7imes says :— *** They (Solicitors) are the guardians of our dearest (yes, our dearest) interests, the confidants of family secrets, the arbiters in family con- troversies, and not infre- quently the custodians of the onour and the good name of their clients.’ “Quite so. Why, Boy, did we let out the Secrets of the Blue Bag, the contents of Old Nick's Sack, which that ‘stupid old snuff- colour’d son of a gun,’ Saint Medard ‘ cut into slits on the Red Sea shore’ would be nothing to’em!” **Nothink at all, Sir; no- think, wotsomedever!”’ "No matter—a time will come, Boy! In Mr. WILLIAM Metmuoru Watrers’s speech I see the dawn of it. “*The Profession, it is true, does not receive in any great measure those official dignities and rewards which the President claims on its behalf, nor are we quite confident that, if it did, the fact would increase the con- fidence or the respect of its clients.’ “Well, the Times not be ‘quite confident.’ J am! And so would the clients be, 1’m sure. Remove that Blue Bag, Boy! Won- der what Mr. ickwick's opinion of Mr. Watrens’s . speech would have been, and ——. . that of the Wellers, father and son ! [ Sings. ’ ei) may “i a it in the hand of my Solicitors ; I’) have this thing put right. We may make money, But—isn’t it funny !— Few ‘ dignities’ Solicitors delight!” [Left considering it. FROM DARKEST AFRICA. Mrs. SHEtpow is back from her travels abroad. Were she only a man, we should hail her as manly ! As it is, there are some who, in wishing to laud, Are accustomed to call her the feminine Stay er. But now this adventurous, much-daring she Through such perils has gone, and so gallantly held on, In time that’s to come Mr. Stantey may be Merely known to us all as the male Mrs. SnELpon ! Morro ror Tur Opponents or CaprraL Powisnment.—No noose is good news! (But what will grim Lord GuimTmonre say °) Tue Cheapest Insurance Office must be the Fee-niz.

Page 14

120 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. — (Serrempen 5, 189], |

STORICULES. Il.—Tue Backx-View. Tue boy had gone out to get change. | was waiting in the studio, listening to the photographer. He| was in quite a smal! way of business, and no one would have expected | ** They generally say that in the detective stories,” | ssid | meditatively. “If you think I’m making this up——’” **No, no,—not at all. Go on.” ** Well, he told me his business, and I at once showed him one of the photographs, telling him under what circumstances they wer taken. He examined it carefully. ‘Ah!’ he said, ‘if I only could | him to have any change for anything. I was sitting on a rustic stile, | prove that this was Punyer, I should be able to complete my case, ) : I am | that a gentleman in a cab outside wished to speak to me. | doctors tell me that I have not long to live, and my friends are eager | admirably—elear an | me that he was identified—or, rather, through one of my photographs.” with a Greek temple and some wilted Spirwas in the background. | He was in the dark | room, busy, splash- | ing liquids about, and reminiscent. I still believe that he | thought the time of waiting would seem shorter to me if he talked. The whole place seemed to sug- gest financial diffi- culties, and smelt of chemicals. **You remember the Punyer case?” he asked. His voice | sounded thin and far-off through the closed door of the! dark room. I did. Punrer) had been a cashier, | and had absconded | with rather more than the usual amount. t “Well, I had some dealings with | |

Punrer. As a ier he was cer- tainly dishonest, but as a man"he was absolutely reliable, and nothing would indace him to break his word. I know that to be a fact from my personal experience of the man; indeed, it was through ** Really ?” * Ves. On the day that he absconded, a four-wheeler drove up to this house. The driver got off, and sent a message up to the —_ , 0 course, I went out. Inside the cab I found a man wearing a thick green veil. He explained to me that his face had been injured in a railway accident, and that he could not allow it to be seen by any one. He wanted me to photograph the back of his head. He knew that the request was unusual. ‘But,’ he said, pathetically, ‘my few friends have got to know the back of my head, just as they know the faces of others who are—who are less unfortunate than myself. The to have some slight memento of me.’ I was much moved, and | agreed to photograph him at once.” “The man was Prxrer ?” “Of course. The photograph of the back of his head turned out d full of character.” “* But why did he get photographed at all ?” “You shall hear; it all came out afterwards. I have already told you that Pewrerr, in his private capacity, was a man of his word. It appears that he was enga toa Miss Mrranpa Bene. Indeed, it was to her that I was to send the phot phs when they were finished. He had promised her that he would have his photo- graph taken for her on his birthday; and the day on which he absconded happened to be his birthday. He could not break his | promise. What was hetodo? At first he disguised himself as far as he could ; he shaved off his luxurious beard and moustache; he had his long fair hair closely cropped and stained black. But there | afterwards, was sixpence short, an

was on his face one certain mark of identification which he could not | alter nor remove. It wasa slight scar, extending diagonally across | his forehead ; when he was a child he once fell into the fender, and | the mark had remained ever since. At last the bright idea occurred to him that he might have the back of his head photographed instead | of his face, and so keep his promise to Mrmawpa. It was really a brilliant idea. For there was absolutely nothing in the view of the | back of his head by which he could be identified.” ‘** But you told me just now that he actually was identified by your | photograph.” “* So he was ;—I was just going toexplain. I was sitting in my studio one day, touching up the photographs of the back-view of Powyer, when in came a detective from Scotland Ya From his appearance, a detective was the last thing on earth that you would have taken him to be.” and my advancement would be certain. In my own min convinced of it, but at sent I cannot prove it. Puwnrer had, sear on his face. It was like his devilish cunning to have only the back of his head phot phed!’ He was just leaving, when sd. | denly a new idea seemed to flash across him. He seized the photo- graph, and rushed across to the mirror. You know that if anything is written backwards, you can read it by holding it up to a looking. glass. So, of course, the detective, by holding up the ‘photograph of the back-view, saw the full-face reflected. @ scar showed just above the green veil, and consequently ——” At this point the boy returned with my change. The photographer had locked himself into the dark room, and I could not get at him: the law gives a man no redress under such circumstances, and s0 | came away. I might have got over the story, et but my change, I found | i that is not so easy to forgive. |

“ ENTERTAINMENT.” | [“ People of this high class (Royal Highnesses, &c.) are said to ‘ entertain’ | Visitors, Dut that is an inversion of the actual fact; their object is to be | entertained. And quite right too. Nothing can surely be more delightful than to have one’s house full of friends at will, and then be able to turn them out at a moment's notice (as a life-boat gets rid of superfluous water) by that | simple mechanism of a berlain. When the Social System attains its acmé, all of us will have a Chamberlain and be entertained.” —James Pars.} Host (concerning Guest) :— Tue twenty-first day, and no signs of a budge !— : Aas it isn’t for . NOTICE. —Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Dra’ accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed or Pictures of any description, wii Cover, or Wrapper. To this rue

. G ABETE po Sugar ] -“ Annee TES, vues by seems to ¢ 48s. CARRI. £0. B/ >> EEEE Dae Eee cs. > F Us.

Page 15

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI—Serremesr 5, 1891. “THE G. B. JABETES in ah CARRIAGE PAID. £0. BACK & GO., onshire London. Square, = maak “cor @ sings of the CHOIC Tasers of Fine . y, a8 produced im poet with Marenee sm al sur in Pure Scotch sCoTC n Prquisite Mendings—So niows in combisation— character so novel tear ee their own Ly y laim the ¥ place among high - clase ulants. Clever udges pronounce them “unique and unrivalled.” May be ordered erchant, or direct. for Sample Bot —, = anywhere in the a - A dc om, on seccipt of &. Gt, 4s., and 3s. 6d. respectiv ely. SE, SON & CO., LEITH, SCOTLAND. snes, 1 INDON and "DARLINGTON. “8 ‘Please mention “ nch” when urnage paid on ~~ — of One Dozen and ipwards iD IRISH WHISKY. ORK DISTILLERIES COMPANY, Limited, Head Offices: ORRISON'S ISLAND, CORK. ARL.TTON HIGHLAND MALT HISKBY. EVEN YEARS OLD, I LCUTTA EXHIBITION 1881 Us. the Gall. ; 50a, the Doz. Cast Our mple, will be sent apap See pt of P.O. for 4s nh ae & CO., 25, Hart St., Bloomsbury, W.C. ‘o Meacuants throughout sand the CoLonizs. S. & H. HARRIS’S S. = H. HARRIS'S HARNESS COMPOSITION) , fem, Marnem, ond (OW aremrneer). aoa P OLISE 8 SHI at PA sT E. a PASTE. Pr ta ante Manufactory: LONDON, E Sir CHAS. CAMERON, ees —" An A ae re nett” NEAVE’ SF FOOD Dr. BARTLETT, Ph.D., rok says: ner 4"). erage of the best Parinaceous Feods. UAM-VAR WHISKY: THE FAMOUS OLD scoTcH. || TO BE HAD EVERYWHERE. | USED IN THE PALACE AND THE SHIZLING. | THE BEST FOR CAMP, MOOR, OR LOCH. Highest Awards. Recommended by the Medical Faculty. INNES & GRIEVE, EDINBURGH end LOWDOWN. EERINGS MEDAL em rape OnE BRANDY. | est kak pmyen of the action STEN bn ho ence of tet imitations of Mesers Toracvo, that fi this publi ~ q : rm e bile notice, that pi errs hans wlser the title of “TH Time | de wr | except that manu 0 ILLS, will be AL --— 1,3 inet STE! on 7 cairns. « co. wee t t uatusae MINERAL WATERS | coiicitot ee rh Lond uk PURE. SPARKLING. DELICIOUS. GEROLSTEIN y = the tan we ar Natural Mineral Water, with its own | Sclered Ga Su, at 6all «the = Theatres and all I Spiers & Ponds’ Restaurants, GSrnore.y Recowmesdeo by the Most Extwenr Meneas of the Mrvicat Paornssion as the FINEST NATURAL MINERAL WATER KNOWN lés. for 50 Pints; Zils. for 60 Quarts. GEROLSTEIN ©O., 153, CEEASUIDS, EC. Yor INFANTS, INVALIDS, ani THE AGED. Sad Bone forming constituents are far abors the LOHSE’S MAIGLOCKCHEN = LILY OF THE VALLEY = PERFUME CAUTION. “THE THREE CASTLES” TOBACCO. Im the ey! Division of the Hi - Overt of Justice, in an action of W. D. @ F Wi ances Beasreuw and Eviza Bone Mig of ay of March Weel te, Mr. Justice No asthe Shapete A perpetua the Defendants from offering © Bot of the manufacture or & 0. Wire as and for The Defendants Guaranteed Wear. PATENT DIAGONAL nor tear in the Fabric. ‘ mast ~~ - ever Lapr's « Made in White, Black ond and Shades, or Italian Che vth, Satin, and Coutil, also in the new Sanit tary Woollen oth, 4/ll, oll, Gl, 7/il GOLDEN BRONZE HAIR. | “A ; : y prices mtg Bold Imported to Hairat any coker by ning StS. pers ‘tters in the @ colonies united kingdom ZERINE is ipvalua AVE YOU A BABY? If so, send for a free bottle, with ane nials and Medical Upinions, of HORLIOCK’S MALTED MILK. A PERFECT FOOD IN ITSELF. | 39, SNOW HILL, LONDON, E.c. Ladies’ Ow y by W ~ "ale con Ful TRY IT IN YOUR BATH. | SCRUBB'S (, omy) AMMONIA. MARVELLOUS PREPARATION. Refreshi as a Turkish Bath. Invaluable for Toilet purposes. ‘SHAW & 60'S FINEST OLD BRANDY. per doz in Us ee meee * &¢ . Regent Street, ¥ | os amiliar in Millions of “is as any Housthold hi lIMEs A bollineeris “THE QUEEN OF TABLE WATERS:” Much favoured by Her —Wor LD. Splendid Cleansing Preparation for the Hair. Removes Stains and Grease Spots from Clothing, &c Restores the Colour to Carpets. Cleans Plate and Jewellery bottle for six to ten baths. Of all Grocers, Chemists, &c. ScRUBB & Co., 15 Red Cross St., §.E. 1s. RAZOR IRE Diack Handset teary Mansiotye: of a.) Dealers “AMAR cottons INDIEN GRILLON. conaTtPAtion, Hemorrhoids, Bile, Loss of Appetite, Gastric and Intestinal neh dene bes, |E. GRILLON, 69, Qticeen Street, City, London. SOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS AND DREUGOISTS, 2a. Gd. A BOX. “Yel SEAM CORSET. | Will not split in the Seams | all the fashionable Colours | Continue to be supplied to Her Majesty the Queen. BEWARE OF IMITATIONS OF DOTH RED AND BROWN LADELS. BEDFORD PLOUGH sl FLORILINE. FOR THE TEETH AND BREATH. Is the BEST LIQUID DENTIFRICE in the World. Renee the Re Soy cha Ww itive, iselcioas ts RSet * Tae seat ean at Of all Cerin and Perfumers throughout the 44. por bottle and extracts = & Ds. 6d. PLORILINZ B T00TE POWDER caly, Put up in giassjare. Price ls on each Jar of the Genuine Extract. HOT MINERAL SPRINGS 0 OF BAN BATH. Te ced Bath by "Romans in the First rh ei ich fay Akin have recently rh iene Tus Barnes te r ia Aes od Renore, tans in to the Manager wi Lo by. es onl on war information. JEWSBURY & BROWN'S ¥ a Oriental « wep ogth = Paste. & BROWN,

Page 16

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Szpremper 5, 1891.

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VER BROS. 417, Onron THE ine sates ve ip reste = @ vital eo FER BRAVABS sevtinnscosvine ee elimat ~44..,

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Invaluable im all cases FER BRAVAIS of an ia, infvensa and ge rai debility. Highly commended FER BRAVAIS ‘-: lor weak and debili- ehiidres, LANCET “4 Pt te and interesting preparation.” BRITISN MEDICAL JOURNAL. — t has a/! (he good effects of ‘ron without Produc RE canevipat on or dis b ine d gestern and it does nol biacken the teeth” SOLD BT 41. CHEMISTS W (Te DROP MEASURE. The World’s most Marvellous Cleanser and Polisher. Silver, Copper like Gold, Paint like New, Brass Ware iike Mirrors, Spotless Earthenware, Crockery like Marble, Marble White. SOLD BY GROCERS, Makes Tin like IRONMONGERS, AND CHEMIST

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mith. of Ne. #, Loretee Reed, Holloway, in the Parish of St in the County of Middiesex, at the erg Ca Mesars. Bradbury, Agnew. ¢ “O, o. &, Fleet Street, w the Passa of 8t. Bride, C ty of London.—Garcavar, September 5, It FOR BREAKFAS! AWARDED PRIZE MEDAL BSATUROAY PUBLISHED EVERY —, . _ < - Vv Te , 5 Dre ‘ ——- — EN “a4 * ON . ey at “