Punch 1891-08-29: Vol 101 Iss 2616

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AvGUST 29, 1891.} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 97 STORICULES. I. —Tue Svicrpe-ADVERTISEMENT. AS you stood before the automatic machine on the station platform, making an imbe- cile choice be- tween be packet of gooseberry nou- gat and a slab of the gum caramel, be could not} elp seeing on| the level of your | eye this notice :— “BLACKING- CREAM. ASK FoR Hie iryson’s, AND | Take NoOrHer.” Similar an- nouncements met = you on every oarding, in almost every paper and maga- zine, on every omnibus. Neat little packets of Hie~myson’s Blacking-cream were dropped through your letter-box, with a printed request that you would honour Mr. Hictrnson by trying it. Leaflets were handed you in the street to tell you what publie analysts said aout it, and in what great hotels it was the ow blacking used. Inportunity pays. Sooner or later you bought Hietmyson’s Blacking-cream. You then found out that it was just about as good as any other, and went on buying it. In one way this was very good for Mr. Hiairyson, because he became very rich; in other ways it was not so for him. | For a long time he had nothing to do with public life; the public never thought about his existence ; to the public he was not a man | | at all—he was only part of the name of the stuff they used for their | | boots. If he had introduced himself to a stranger, giving the name | of Hictrxson, it is probable that the stranger would have remarked jocularly, “‘No relation to the Blacking-cream, I presume?” Hic-_ Livson knew this, and it pained him deeply, for he was a sensitive man. Secause he was sensitive and felt things so much, he wrote a| volume of very melancholy verses. He was unmarried and lonely, | and he wanted to lead a high life. He said as much in his verses. But what comes well from Sir GaLanaD comes ill from the prietor of a Blacking-cream ; and—from idiotic notions about pluck | and oy had put his own name to his book. Unfortunately, those who feel much are not always those who can express much ; and Hieirnson could not express anything. So critics with a light | mind had a very fine time with these verses. pe J quoted them, with the prefatory remark :—‘‘ The cream of the collection—perhaps we might say the Blacking-cream of the collection—is the follow- | ing,” and they wound up their criticism with saying that the book must have been simply published as an advertisement. Mr. Hienr- | son could hardly have been mad enough to have printed such stuff | from any other motive. Of course Hie~nyson should have changed his name, and should have married. But the idiotic notions about pluck prevented him | | from changing hie name; and he would not marry a woman who accepted him only mercenary motives. He was so unattractive that he did not think it possible a woman would marry him for any | other reason. However, he could not always be superintending the manufacture of Blacking-cream ; and it was obvious to him that he | could publish no more verses. So he devoted himself to philan- thropy in a quiet and unostentatious way. He attem the recla- mation of street-arabs. He worked among them. He spent vast sums on providing education, training, and decent pleasures for them. A man who wrote for The Scalpel found him out at last. Next day there was a pretty little paragraph in The Scalpel, showing Mr. HicLrNson up, and suggesting that this was a clever attempt to get the London shoe-blacks to use Hictrnson’s Blacking-cream. he he king-cream, by the way, had never been advertised in The } ‘ cape » Hictinsoy was furious. He spent a little money in finding out | who had written the paragraph. ‘Then he walked up to the writer in | & public street, with raised walking-stick. ‘‘ Now, Sir,” he said, | You shall have the thrashing that you deserve.” | hateful But it happened that the writer was physically superior to Hiciinsoy ; so it was the writer who aid the thrashing, and Htetmyson who took it. Next day, The Scalpel amused itself with Hictrysow to the extent of half a column. The notice was headed :— “Mr. Hierryson Apvertises Himseir scary.” Other nowmpenens also amused themselves, and HicLinson“became notorious. The Blacking-cream sold better than ever, and brought him enormous profits. But if he attempted to spend those profits on any object, good or bad, it was always insisted that he was simply doing it for advertisement. The public became interested in HIGLINson ; and untrue stories about his private life appeared freely in personal columns. He was rich enough now to have relinquished his business, but those idiotic notions about pluck prevented him from doing this. He meant to go through with it, and to make the public believe in him just as much as they believed in the Blacking- cream. He found about this time someone who did believe in him ; he began to change his views about marriage; he was to some extent consoled. He was passing over the bridge one night, and had just bought an evening paper. His own name caught his eye. It was the usual paragraph, not more to him than others that had appear- ed, as far as he himself was concern- ed; but her name was in itas well, and he imagined ¢ 4 Ep yy wn © ~— himself just how she would feel when she read it. He walked on o few ces, and then his pluck all vanished suddenly, as if it had been lown away into space, and it did not seem to be worth while to stop in such a world any longer. : : The jury returned the usual verdict; but The Scalpel did not hesitate to hint that this suicide had simply been intended as an advertisement, and that Hierrsonw had always supposed that his rescue would be a certainty. E He might have saved himself all this, of course, by a few full-page advertisements in The Scalpel. But then he had those idiotic notions about pluck, and he was reluctant to bribe his enemies. It is a very dangerous thing to have notions about anything. — = Se > \ ee Wanted, a Word-Slayer. Fin de Siecle! Ah, that phrase, though taste spurn it, I Fear, threatens staying with us to eternity. Tho will deliver Our nerves, all a-quiver, ; , From that pest-term, and its fellow “ modernity ” ? VOL, CT. kK

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Avovst 29, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ——_ AT THE DOOR; OR, PATERFAMILIAS AND THE YOUNC SPARK. (An Electrical Eclogue.) The cost is still heavy, no doubt, and the electric light still stands in | tegory of luxuries which are almost beyond the reach of average | iss incomes.”"— Zhe “ Times” on the growth of Electric Lighting m | Electric Sprite. Op Boy, let mein! Come, now, don’t you be stupid ! Why stand at pew door in that dubious way ? Like the classical girl who was called on by Cupid, You seem half alarmed at the thought of my stay. With meanings of mischief my mind is not laden ; Be sure, my dear friend, that J shall not sell you, As the artful young archer-god did the poor maiden, Who let him in only his visit to rue. I hope you ’ve not listened to enemies’ strictures, They ’ve warned you, perhaps, against letting me pass. I shan’t soil your ceiling, Z shan’t spoil your pictures, Or make nasty smells like that dirty imp, Gas! You ’re prejudiced clearly, and that is a pity, Why, bless you, I’m spreading all over the place! My spark is pervading the whole of the City ; rhe dingy old Gas-flame must soon hide its face. I’m brilliant, and clean, and delightfully larky ; Just look at my glow and examine my arc! Fwizz! How’s that for high, and for vivid and sparky ! I obviate dirt, and I dissipate dark. You just let me in; the result you’ll be charmed at. Objections, Old Boy, are all tiddle-de-dee. Come now! I’m sure you cannot be alarmed at A dear little chap like me! Paterfamilias. A dear little chap! Very true; but I’m thinking That you ’re just a little too ‘* dear” for me—yet ! Ah, yes! it’s no use to stand smiling and winking ; I like the bright ways of you, youngster,—you bet! You ’re white as the moon, and as spry as a rocket ; No doubt all you say in self-praise is quite true, But you see, boy, I must keep an eye to my pocket! The Renters and Raters so put on the screw, That a ‘* middle-class income ” won’t stand much more squeezing, And Forty or Fifty Pounds more in the year. For your bright companionship, albeit pleasing, Would come pretty stiff, my boy. 7 hat is my fear. Just cheapen atone in supply and in fitting, lo something that fits with my limited ** serew,”’ And you will not find me shrink long from admitting A dear little chap like you! OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. }aron’s Assistant Reader reports as follows to his chief—If you want a really refreshing book, a book whose piquant savour and ~~ originality of style are good for jaded brains, buy and read na {( TH anadian Canoe by Barry Pary, the sixth volume of the = f 4 se ] THE HEIGHT OF FASTIDIOUSNESS. Elder Brother. ‘‘Hvito, Fraxx! How MOURNING FoR poor AUNT Grace!” Frank. “‘ AN—wkLi—ract 18, I TrIep on SixTeen TEEN HAT-BANDS, AND COULDN'T GET ONE TO sUIT wg!” 18 IT You'RE NOT IN OR SEVEN of his shot cannot offend those who play the part of target and are pierced. Read the four stories from the *‘ Entertainmentso Kapnides ? in the *‘ Canadian Canoe” series, or, ‘‘An Hour of Death,” ‘' The Last Straw,” and *‘ Number One Hundred and Three” in ‘‘ The Nine | Whitefriars Librar of Wit and Humour (Henry & Co.). Most of | Muses Minus One,” and you will see at once what I mean. Then | the stories and, I thi nk, the best that go to make up this delightful for run-away, topsy-turvey wit | think I would back ‘* The Story of | . volume have al- | the Tin Heart” and ‘‘ The Camel who never got Started,” against ready appeared most stories I know. Mr. Barny Pain’s stories sometimes make me in The Granta, a | feel as if I had got hold of the key-handle of things which have Cam brid ge_| hitherto been puzzles to me. | turn it, open the door ever so little magazine, which | to peep inside, and before I have taken a good square look, Mr. London | papers | Bakry Parn slams the door in my face, and I think I can hear him are accustomed | !aughing on the other side at the bruise on my forehead, That’s of as|not kimd treatment, but it promotes curiosity. As for ‘* The to speak ** our sprightly contemporary.” | They now seek | and are sure to} Celestial Grocery,” I can only say of it that it is in its way a master- yiece. Mr. Parw sometimes gives way to a touch or two of sentiment put he abstains from sloppiness. His book is not only witty and humorous but fresh and orginal in style. It is admirably written. obtain a wider | His prose is good,—which is moderate praise, striking a balance publicand amore between the pros and cons of criticism. Prosit! To all holiday- extended fame. | makers who like quaintness and fun touched with pathos and refine- There is in these | ment, I say again, buy and read In a Canadian Canoe. : stories & curious Baron pe Boox-Worms. mixture of hu- mour, insight “Pugs” and *‘ Mugs.” (A Quotation with a Comment.) “Tne faithful study of the fistic art From mawkish softness guards the British heart.” The study of the betting British curse From swift depletion guards the British purse! | |} and pathos, with here and there a dash of imness and a | sprinkling of that charming irrelevancy which is of the essence of true humour. Occasionally Mr. Barry Pary wings a shaft against | the comfortably brutal doctrines of the average and orthodox householder, male or female. But on these occasions he uses the Classical fables and the pagan deities as his bow, and the twang

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100 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ee, [Aveusr 29, 189}, |. | THE TRAVELLING COMPANIONS. No. IV. Scuene—The Wiertz Musewm at Brussels, a large and well-lighted gallery containing the works of the celebrated Belgian, which are reducing a limited number of spectators to the usual degree of stupefaction. Enter Cutcuarp, who seats himself on a centrai ottoman. Culchard (to himself). If Popsvury won't come down to breakfast at a decent hour, he can’t complain if |—— I wonder if he heard Miss Trorrer say she was thinking of coming here this morning. Somehow, I should like that girl to have a more correct comprehen- sion of my character. I don't so much mind her thinking me fasti- dious anc exclusive. I daresay I am—but I do object to being made out a hopeless melancholiac! (He looks round the walls.) So these are WIeRT2’s masterpieces, ch? h’m. Strenuous, vigorous,—a trifle crude, perhaps. Didn't he refuse all offers for his pictures durin his lifetime Hardly think he could have been overwhelmed with applications for the one opposite. (le regards an enormous canvas, representing a brawny and gigantic Achilles perforating a brown Trojan with a small Not a dining-room picture. Still, I like his inieneniience—wask up rather well in a sonnet. Let me see. Te takes out note-book and scribbles.) ‘* He scorned to ply his sombre brush for hire.”’ Now if I read that to Poprpurr, he'd pretend to think I was treating of a Shoe-black on strike! Poppury is utterly deficient in reverence. [Close by ws a party of three Tourists—a Father and Mother, and a Daughter ; who is reading to them aloud from the somewhat effusive Official Catalogue ; the Education of all three appears to have been elementary. The Daughter (spelling out the words laboriously). ‘“*I could not ‘elp fancying this was the artist’s por-portrait ? portent ¢ no, protest against des-des (recklessly) despoticism, and tryanny, but I see it is only — Por-Porliffymus fasting upon the companions of Ulyces.’’ Her Male Parent. Do it tell yer what that there big arm and leg be a’ doin’ of in the middle of ’em ? Daughter (stolidly). maat. Den’t you be in a nurry, Father (continuing) ‘‘in the midst of some colonial? JZhat ain’t it—colossial animiles fanatically—fan-tasty-cally——” why, this catalogue is ‘alf foreign! Female P. Never mind, say Peterborough at the ’ard words—we shan’t be none the wiser ! Daughter. ‘‘ The sime-boalic ram the ’ero is to Peterborough and leave ’is Peter- borough grotter-——”’ Male P. That'll do about the next one. Daughter (reading). “ The Forgeof Vulkin. Words are useless ere. Before sech a picture one can but look, and think, and enjoy it.” Both Parents (impressed). Lor! (They smack their lips reverently ; Miss Trorrer enters the Gallery. Culch. {(rising and going to meet her). Good morning, Miss Trotter. We—ah—meet again Miss T. That’s an undeniable fact. I’ve left Poppa outside. Poppa restricts himself to exteriors wherever he can—says he doesn’t seem to mix up his impressions so much that way. But you're alone, too. Where’ve you hitched your friend up ? Culch. My friend did not rise sufficiently early to accompany me. And, by the way, Miss Trorrer, I should like to take this opportu- nity of disabusing your mind of the—er— y false impression—— Miss T. Oh, that’s all right. I told him he needn’t try to give me away, for I could see you weren't that kind of man! Culch. (gratefully). Your instinct was correct—perfectly correct. When you say “ that kind of man,” I presume you refer to the de- scription my—er—friend considered it humorous to give of me as an unsociable hypochondriac ? Miss T. Well, no; he didn’t say just that. as one of the fonniest persons : tickled folks to death almost. Culch. (annoyed). Really, this is most unpardonable of Mr. Pop- BURY! To have such odious calumnies circulated about one behind one’s back is simply too—— | do not aspire to—ah—to tickle folks to death ! read what it says ’ He represented you ive; said you told stories which “T presume, though, he slept bad, nights.” _—_— ——— Miss T. (soothingly). Well, I guess there’s no harm done. I| didn’t feel like being in any imminent danger of perishing that way | in your society. You’re real high-toned and ever so improving, and that’s better than tickling, every time. And I want you to show me round this collection and give me a few notions. Seems to me there RU was considerable sand in Wrertz; sort of spread himself around a ’ good deal, didn’t he? I presume, though, he ~~ bad, nights, (She makes the tour of the Gallery, accompanied by CULCHARD, who f admires her, against his better judgment, more and more.) . . . | ro declare if that isn’t your friend Mr. Popscry just come in! | i believe I'll have togive youuptohim. Culch. (eagerly). I hep yon will not think it necessary. He—h: has a guide already. He does not require my services. And, to be plain, my poor friend—though an excellent fellow according to his —ah—lights—is a companion whose society occasionally amounts to a positive infliction. ; ’ ; Miss T. Well, I find him too chinny myself, times. Likely he won’t notice us if we don’t seem to be aware of him. [They continue to inspect the canvases. A Belgian Guide (who has made an easy capture of Popsvry at | the Hotel entrance). Hier now isa shdrainch | beecture. ‘‘De toughts and veesions of a saivered haid,.”’ Fairsst meenut afder de- | apitation ; de zagonde ; de tirt. ier de Far tink dey vant to poot him in a goflin. Dere are two haids—von goes op, de udder down. Haf you got de two? Nod yet? No? Podbury (shaking his head sagaciously). | Oh, ah, yes. Capital ! Rum subject, though. Guide. Yais, vary magnifique, vary grandt, and—and rom also! Ss von | rebresents Napoleon in hail. De modders show him de laigs and ahums of dair sons keeled in de vars, and invide him to drink a cop of bloodt. , Podb. Ha, cheery picture that! Guide. Cheery, oh, yais! Now com and | beep troo dis ’ole. (Poppury obeys with | doctlity.) You see? A Mad Voman cook- | ing her shildt in a gettle. Hier again, dey | haf puried a man viz de golera pefore he | | is daid, he dries to purst de goffin, you see | only de handt shdicking oudt. odb, The old Johnny seems full of pretty | fancies. (He looks through another peep- | hole.) Girl looking at skeleton. Any other | domestic subjects on view? (He suddenly sees Miss TRorTER and CuLCHARD with thew backs to him.) Hal—lo, this ts luck! I must go to the rescue, or that beggar Cu1- cHaRD will bore her to death in no time. To Guide.) Here, hold om a minute. i ‘rosses to CULCHARD, followed 5 bang. Tow d’ ye do, Miss Trorrer ? ing the Wild Wiertz Show, I see. Ah, Cuicuanp, why didn’t you tell me you were going— | might have gone together. I say, I’ve got a guide here. Y Culch. (drily). So we perceive—a very sensible plan, no doubt, in some cases, my | dear fellow. i Podb. (to Miss T.) Do come and listen to him, most intelligent chap—great fun. Mr. CULCHARD is above that sort of thing, I dare say. : Guide. Your vriendts laike to choin, yais? Same for tree as tor von. I exblain all de beecture. : ; Miss T. You're obliging, Mr. Poppury, but your friend is explaining it all just splendidly. oe Dodd. (piqued). Perhaps I had better dismiss my chap, and take on CULCHARD, too ? ; Miss T. No, I’d just hate to have you do that. Keep on going round. You mustn’t mind us, indeed! ‘ Podb. Oh, if you’d rather! (Gloomily, to Guide.) They can do | without us. Just showme something more in the blood-and-thunder line—no, at the other end of the room. [They withdraw. Guide. Hier is von dat is vary amusant. You know de schtory of de Tree Vishes, eh ? ; Podb. Macbeth, ch? oh, I see— Wishes! No, what was that’ Guide. I dell it you. (He tells it ; Popsury falls into gloomy ab- | straction.) . . . And inschdantly she vind a grade pig soasage at de | end of her noise. So de ole voman—— ’ 9 | Podb. (wearily). Oh, L’ve heard all that. What’s this one about: | Guide. Dis is galled ** De lasht Gannon.” You see de vigure o | Ceevilization flodderin op viz de vings, vile Brogress 3 asonder de lasht gon, and in a gorner a Genius purns de vrontier bost. ——— os

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Avoust 29, 1891.] Podb. (captiously). What’s he doing that for ? Guide. I tont know. I subbose begause dey are bosts, or ubiously) begause he is a Genius. Culch. (touching Popsury’s arm as he goes out), Oh—er—Pop-| ny, 1’m off. Going to lunch somewhere with the—ah—Trorrers., you at table d’héte this evening, I suppose? Good-bye. Podb, (savagely). Oh, ta-ta! (To Tenself.) And that’s the w who said he wanted to keep out of making friends! How the ns am I going to get through the time by myself? (70 Guide.) | When I want you again, I'll let | “+ ki Here, that’s enough for one day. you KnOW. ' He dismisses him, and stands forlornly in the Gallery, while the Imperfectly Educated Daughter goes on spelling out the Cata- logue for her Parents’ edification. A STORY—OUT OF SEASON. So she’s married to him! Whilst I travelled and wandered Far away, for the lack of aught better to do; Whilst my time and my money I recklessly squandered In a hunt for big game—she was doing it too! And I am not surprised he has fallen a prey to rhe graces and wiles of a maiden so p amy I must take a back seat as I humbly give way to The Earl and the Countess of Hanover Square. What a stroke of good luck ! For, like little Jack Horner PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. She t'in her finger al pulled out a plum ; Yet there once was a time when we sat in a) corner— AMARYLLIS and I—| mother | looked glum. If I do not forget, it) took place in Decem- | ber, But I recollect better one evening in June, And, for all that has hap- | ed, I like to re- member What we whispered and said by the light of the moon. But a truce to such thoughts, she has married another, __[ must tidy away all the memories of yore. There ’s a smile on the face of her match-making mother, And her family rejoice as they ne’er have before. It has happened. Her mother, I know, always said it Would prove to be so with her beautiful girl, And the fair AMaRYLLIs has done herself credit Now she’s married the catch of the season—an Earl. What she did, after all, was perhaps for the best meant. She may even be fond of her Earl—who can tell ? In the business of Life she has made her investment, Which I trust most sincerely she will find pay her well. And as for myself my ambition just nil is, __ With my pipe and my dog I shall stay on the shelf, — allow me to tell you, my dear AMARYLLIS, I’d have made you an excellent husband myself. Sm Anpr-w Cr-rx, Barr. M.D.—| Case of dyspepsia. What ought | to be preseribed for a pa-| tient suffering from severe’ indigestion caused by having eaten his own words? Perhaps one of the most distinguished | members of the Medical Con-| gress, possessing a great expe-| rience among Cabinet Ministers and other Parliamentary cele- brities, will oblige with ‘a solution” ? And this is a per-| fectly serious question, although it certainly sounds as if it were only intended for a Roose. A PvzzLeR FoR EVEN What will he do with it? MR. CLIP’S APPEAL. The Hairdressers’ Early Closing Association of London (whose Central Office is at 6, Swallow Street, Piccadilly, W., and whose President is Mr. W. J. Rexp, and Hon. Sec., Mr. A. M. Surron), has for object “to secure and maintain one early-closing day per week, suitable to the neighbourhood, and to generally assist in obtaining time for rest and recreation, and promote better and healthier conditions for hairdressers.’’) Dear Bos,—There’s a stir in our noble Profession. rhe hope of the Hairdresser, silent so long, At last, like most others, is finding expression. We've started, dear Bon, and are now going strong. Harr AnD Hexercise; on, TAkiInea Tue Ham on a 'Oie ‘Ouray. ’ Early Closing 's our object, which means that on one day We want to shut up shops and scissors at five ! Perhaps Saturday ’s best, Bos, as coming next Sunday — Don’t seem asking much, if they 'd keep us alive. You cannot imagine how grinding our trade is— Long hours, and Jong waits, Bon, when custom is slack ! When the premises hold one old gent and two ladies, Tis hard for twelve chaps to be kept on the rack. To knock off at five on a Saturday eases Our week’s work a little. One evening in six Ain’t more than the Public can spare—if it pleases — If only its hours ’twill conveniently fix. When a swell wants a shave, a shampoo, or a clipping, He likes to drop in at Ais pleasure, no doubt ; But surely he’d not keep us scraping and snipping To save him from being a trifle put out ! If he ll but get fixed before five on a Saturday, We poor Hairdressers may get just a chance Of an hour or two’s pleasure or rest on the latter day ; Prospect to make many dreary eyes dance ! And yet some object to this small ‘* Early Closing,” I wish they could know what it is to chop, chop, When your t et are one ache and your eyes drawn to dozing And you’re sick of the sight and the smell of the shop! When a whiff from the meadows appears to come stealing Above all our washes, and powders, and soaps ; ; And the whirr of the brush which revolves near the ceiling Seems pain to our ears and seems death to our hopes! True, most of the Masters will yield to our yearnings, A lesson I think to the few who stand out! I wager the change won’t diminish their earnings, W. Reep and A. Surron know what they ’re about, Our President, Bos, and our Hon. Sec. Address ’em At “ fair Piccadilly,” 6, Swallow Street, W. Hairdressers’ Assistants unitedly bless ’em, If you, Bos, or others can help us, I'll trouble you! Tis long, my dear Bon, since I sent you a letter, And this you’ll admit is a practical one. We Hairdressers wish our condition to better, And get our fair share of rest, leisure, and fun. One Five o’ Clock Close every week is our plea, Bon, _ Not much for the slaves of scrape-scrape and snip-snip! The fairness of 1t I’m convinced you will see, Bos, And so should the world, says Caractacus CLIP. [Mr. Punch, who knows how much his own personal comfort is dependent upon the adroit ministrations of the “ Sons of the Shears,” cordially seconds the appeal of his old Correspondent. } A Case or Frencn Leave.—The Gallic Fleet have gone to Cher- bourg—as if they had not had enough “cheers” before leaving England !

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| And, utterly fatigue } 102 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

—— [Aveust 29, 1891.

Ho, AY , e; Z whSu lain: ZZ Ni

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DIFFERENCE OF OPINION. Jones (reading aloud), A TRUER, GOOD, Door-MaT FoR THE MAN SHE Loves!’ pest WIVES MR. PUNCH’S ANTI-LABOUR CONCRESS. Mr. Punch (in a Marine Lotos-Land) sings his Sea-side Version of the Laureate's lovely CAortc Song Tere is a slumber here that softlier falls Than forty-winks where dull, dull Bills they pass , Oft have I drowsed within those dreary walls, Where brays the pertinacious party ass. Here sleep more gently on the spirit lies Than where the Speaker tells the Noes and Ayes. The wave-wash brings sweet sleep down from the summer skies, Here laps the azure deep, And through the weed the small crabs creep, And safe from prigs who plague and nymphs who peep, Sagacious Punch reclines and woos benignant sleep. Il. Why are we weighed upon with Politics, | by “bores” and * sticks,” | To lend one’s mind and fancy wholly a Unto the influence of the calmly jolly Forgetful, whilst the salt breeze round one rustles ; Of all the clamorous Congresses of Brussels, Of all the spouting M.P.’s party tussles, Of all the noisy votaries of Cant | MARX ; Of all save slumber and Unmitigated Larks! Iv. Dear are the memories of our wedded lives, Dear also are the outfits of our wives, And their huge trunks: but this is a sweet change ! For surely now our household hearths | are cold, | Charwomen prowl thereby: our halls look strange, Our suites are swathed like ghosts. Here all is joy, And, by the stirless silence rendered bold, The very gulls stand round with furléd wings. boy ? What do you think of it, Topy, my The Session’s Bills are half-forgotten things. Is there discussion in our little Isle ? Let Parties broken so remain. Factions are hard to reconcile : Prate not of Law and Urder—by the main ! There ts a fussiness worse than death Trouble on trouble, pain on pain, Lost labour, and sheer waste of breath, Sore task to hearts dead beat by many wars, And ears grown dumb with listening to loud party jars. v. But propt on sand and pebbles rolly- polly {us lowly How sweet (while briny breezes fan | With half-dropt eyelids still, Beneath a boat-cide tarry, coally, To watch the long white breakers drawing slowly (spill Up to the curling turn and foamy Tohear far-off the wheezy Town-Crier

NOBLE WOMAN IS EVER READY TO MAKE HERSELF A| calling, Au, Dotty, r#oss aRk THE WoMEN wo MAKE THE| “‘ Oh, yes! Oh, yes!” Truly, Topras While all things else have rest from weari- ness f All things have rest: why should we toil alone, We only toil, who are ** such clever things! ”’ And make perpetual moan, Still from one ** Question ’’ to another thrown ? Gulls, even, fold their wings, And cease their wanderings, Watching our brows which slumber’s holy m Bathes gently, whilst the inner spirit sings ** There is no joy but calm!” Why should Punch only toil, the top and crown of things ? itr. How sweet it were, dodging the urban stream, With half-shut eyes ever to seem Falling asleep in a half dream ! To dream and dream that yonder glittering light (height ; No more shall top the tall Clock Tower's To hear no more the party speech ; Eating the Lotos day by day, To watch the crisping ripples on the beach ; (No, no, not Hicks! Thank heaven, he’s far away !) Mrs. J. (who is not of this type). “‘ Yes, DEAR—AND THE worst Huspayps/” mine, — This solitude a deux is most divine ; A Congress we—of Two; where no outfalling Is possible. Our Anti-Labour line Is wordlessly prolonged, stretched out beside the brine. VI. Such Lotos-eating all at times must seek! The Lotos blows by many an English creek. Punch is no ** mild-eyed melancholy ” coon, Born, like the Laureate’s islanders, to moon In lands in which ’tis always afternoon. No, Tosy, no! Yet stretch your tawny muzzle Upon thesetawny sands! We will not puzzle, For a few happy hours, our weary pates With Burning Questions or with Dull Debates. [Motions, we, We have had enough of Measures, and of ‘*Ayes”’ to starboard, ‘‘ Noes” to larboard (in the language of the sea), Where the wallowing Seymour spouted lik: a whale, and Cops made free. Let us take our solemn davy, Tosy, for a space (Punch perceives complete approval in that doggish face )— {mind ! Let us take our davy, Topry—for a time, now In this briny Lotos Land to liveand lie reclined, On the sands like chums together, careless of mankind ! [ Sleeps.

LIX o*" < S.HONIId WOOUVI-LLNY "QOPI LNG)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Avevst 29, 1891. MR. PUNCH’S ANTI-LABOUR CONGRESS.

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Avev roncenrs gehu si ter «eystel mA ty

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—— Avoust 29, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 105 j SOME CIRCULAR NOTES. Cuarter IT. 2estauration—Method— Rapid Act—Patriotism— Chorus Dinner—Forwards— Entrée— Exit— Destination. Wirn Davnrvet I soon acquire the careless habit of speaking | any French that comes into my head, irrespective of grammar vend If he doesn’t understand it in French he will | io so in English, or vice rersé. On this mutual comprehension | erstem we get along as easily as the express does, and as easily as | he boat does too, to-day,—for we are in luck, the weather is de On T. lers, or idioms. eli- | ions and the sea propitious,—and so we arrive hungry and happy | it the excellent buffet at the Calais Station, the praises of whick 1 have sung more than once in my lifetime. Far be it from me to draw comparisons, but I if want to start well ind wisely for the Continong, give me the short sea-passage rid | - new and original, but d /a Russe, and entirely his own invention) with the cheery and enthusiastic addition of, “‘ Blass the Prince o Wares!” ** By all means,” I cordially respond, for we are on a foreign soil, where loyalty to our Royal Family is no longer a duty only, but also a mark of patriotism, which should ever distinguish the true Briton, —though, by the way, now I think of it, Daunrver is a lively Gaul. Subsequently, observing my friend Daunmver, | find that he is especially English in France, and peculiarly French in England. On what is to me foreign, but to him his own native soil, he is always bursting out into snatches of our British National Anthem, or he sings the line above quoted. In France he will insist on talking about London, England, Ireland, Scotland, with imitations in et or of brogue, as the case may be, on every possible or even impossible opportunity; and, when the subject of conversation does not afford him any chance for his interpolations, then, for a time, he will ‘lay low,” like Brer Fox, only to startle us with some sudden outbursts of song, generally selected from the }~pular English Melodies of a byegone period, such as ‘“‘ My Pretty Jane,” a Love is like a red, red Rose,” or ** Good-bye, Sweetheart, good-bye,” and such-like musical reminiscences, invariably finishing with a quotation from the National Anthem, *‘ Rule Britannia,” or ** Blass the Prince of Wartes!” He is a travelling chorus. We stop—I don’t know where, as | trust entirely to my guide and fellow-traveller—for a good twenty minutes’ stuff, nominally dinner, en route, about seven o’clocks It is the usual rush; the usual inde- cision ; the usual indigestion. Davusrvet does more execution among the eatables and drinkables in five minutes than I can manage in the full time allotted to refreshment; and not only this, but he finds plenty of time for talking nonsense to one of the nicest-looking waitresses. Of course, he positively refuses to speak a word of his own native language, but gives his orders in English, Spanish, and Russian, to the despair of all the attendants, with the exception of | the pretty waiting-maid, to whom he addresses himself in colloquial Dover and the excellent restauration at Calais, with a good twenty- | minutes allowed for refreshment; though why this interval dn’'t be extended to three-quarters of an hour, and less time oc- | cupied on the journey to Paris, I have never yet been able to ascer- | faim. In the not very dim and distant future no doubt it will be so. | record the above observation in italics, in order to attract the at- tention of all whom it may and does and ought to concern. Perhaps they'll kindly see to it. Our déjeuner at Calais is as good as it usually is at that haven of estauration. After the buffeting of the waves, how sweet is the buffet of the shore. I sit down at once, as an old Continental- travelling hand, tell the waiter immediately what I am going to take, and forthwith it is brought; then, in advance, I command the flee, and have my French money all ready in an outside-pocket, so that there shall be no unnecessary delay. All station-feeding is a fearsome pastime. You are never quite sure of the trains, and you never quite trust the waiter’s most ccleue asseveration to the effect | that you have still so many minutes left, decreasing rapidly from fifteen to five, when, time being up and the food down, you find yourself hurrying out on to the platform, plunging recklessly in between the lines, uncertain as to your carriage, and becoming more and more hot, nervous, and uncomfortable up to the very last moment, when the stout guard, with the heavy black moustache, and the familiar | bronzed features set off iby a cap-band which once was red, bundles you into your proper place, bangs the door, and you are off,—for iris, or wherever your destination may be. D.vBiNet knows the proprietor of the restaurant, likewise the pro- prietor’s good lady and good children. He has a great deal to say to them, always by means of working the semaphore with his arms and hands, as if the persons with whom he excitedly eonverses were deaf ; and having lost all count of time, besides being in a state of considerable puzzle as to the existence of his appetite, he is suddenly informed by the head-waiter,—another of his acquaintances, for | DAUBINET, it appears, is a constant traveller to and fro on this route, that if he wants anything he must take it at once, or he won't get it at all, unless he chooses to stop there and lose his train. So Davst- | NkT ladles some soup into his mouth, and savagely worries a huge ‘ump of bread: then having gobbled up the soup in a quarter of a second, and having put away all the bread in another quarter, he pours a glass of wine into a tumbler out of the bottle which I have had opened for beth of us, adds water, then tosses it off, wipes his ps with the napkin whieh he bangs down on the table, and, with his | hat and coat on, his small bag in his hand, and quite prepared to resume the journey, he eries, ‘‘ Allons! Petzikoff!” (or some such | word, which I suppose to be either Russian or an ejaculation quite | ne R French. She quite enters into the joke; can give and take as plea- santly as possible; can also fetch and carry; and when, finally, Davaryet en bon prince rewards her intelligence with a two-franc piece, her bright smile, and her courteous ‘‘ Merci beaucoup, Mon- sieur,” prove once more that she can take as well as give,—nay, even better, and yet leave the donor her debtor. ‘*‘ Da Karascho! Yes, all right! ‘Montez donc!” cries my mercurial friend, hurrying to the train; then, as he once more settles himself in the compartment, he sings “‘ Rule Britannia! Blass the Prince of Warces! 0 Maman!’ and before I have lit my after-dinner cigar, he has made himself quite comfortable, lying at full length, and is fast asleep. So am I soon. When I awake, it isnight; pitch-dark, and very cold. We are stopping at some station. A stout Frenchman enters our carriage; not that there is anything remarkable about his stout- ness, as it seems to me thatthe majority of middle-class and middle- aged Frenchmen, and Frenchwomen, too, are all, more or less, of considerable corpulence. The new arrival recognises Davstyet, and salutes him. Davsinet warmly acknowledges the recognition, and in a few moments they are engaged in an animated conversation, one commencing his reply before the other has finished his question, neither permitting the other to complete a sentence, whether interrogatory or declaratory ; so that, during the greater part of their conversation,—which lasts till, thank goodness, the stranger has to get out, which he does at the ed

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A 106 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Avausr 29, 189), | = a “NOTHING IN THE PAPERS!” Or, Voluntary Contributions Un-gratefully Received Scene—A Railway Compartment. Baown and Suit looking up from their Daily Papers. Brown. Now that Parliament stands prorogued | I suppose there is nothing to read ? Smith. Nothing. Except this article up Australia. Tells one all about Capital and Labour in that part of the world. ost interesting Wonder how they found room for it! Have yo seen it ? Brown. Well, no. Fact is I have been reading about Argentina. Very exhaustive article this, and | on a matter of serious moment. I hold some shares as a trustee. Seems that they will all come right |in the end. Would you like to see it ? | Smith. When I have time to read it. But, ¢ tell the truth, it takes me a good hour to get through the City Intelligence. And the racing, too, that always interests me; but I don’t think it is so exciting as the Stock Exchange. | Brown. No more do I. By the way, is ther anything good in the correspondence line in your Smith. The usual sensational recess subjects | Some of the letters are too good for the general - Le they must have been} written in the = | office. YA Z a, ~ | Brown. I daresay. And perhaps these sketches i, . ™= Ss of places away from Town are also written in a - | London? : -| Smith, Not a bit of it! I hore to know that ; : $9—— the papers spend thousands and thousands upo . ~ obtaining information in every quarter of the glote. Bogus articles are t/ings of the ty ‘‘NEB’LAR (HIC) ’POTHESIS.” Brown. Only fancy! And all this expense for | nothing in the recess! When no one reads the Elderly Gentleman (overcome by gravitation). ‘“‘'Onricut, INsPECTRUM. BREN READING ! Spresn Pres'pent Bri'sx-SosHiAsaHtem. Supitenpip Spreesnx! I'm IN ‘UNIQUE Smith. Yes, and when there ’s nothing in them! | POSISHN ‘F (HIC) ABSOLUTE IMM'BILITY IN MIDSHT OF WHIRLING 'N DRIFTING Suns, 'N | [ They resume perusal of their papers until inter- | Sysurems '¥ Sons.’ Goor oLp Hucetns!!” | rupted by a tunnel. Curtain. | next station, and disappears in the darkness,—I can only pick up a) word or half a sentence here and there, and, in a general way, | THE BRITISH ASSOCIATION. | wonder why they become so earnest and emphatic about the most On, Sir, I read the papers every day, ordinary topics. For an English listener, however, it is an excellent To amuse myself and pass the time away ; lesson in colloquial French; only I cannot help wishing that they | But they ’ve got so hard to follow that they simply beat me hollow would take the ‘* tempo” just a little slower, and that their tone were With the learning and the culture they display ; not necessarily up to concert pitch, in order to keep itself well above | And they wouldn’t be so hard if those the running accompaniment of railway-wheels, which seems to fit all | good people down at Cardiff | modes of counting from two to sixteen ina bar. At last the train Would but ~ a shade more careful stops, the dialogue becomes jerky, our companion salutes us politely, what they say. wishes us *‘ bon royage,” and descends. After his departure, I ask Davprvert, ‘‘ Who is your friend?’’asI| The President's address, I think, will | should like to know the reason of Davprvet not having introduced tax us. His reply at once resolves all my doubts and difficulties on the| My intellectual organ till it cracks; subject ; it is simply, ‘‘ Heaven knows! He is a nice fellow. I have |The Association British isn’t wanted to |! |} met him quelque part. Ah! wild!” WHerushesto the window. | be skittish, ‘* Hi! hi! Guard! Conducteur!"” The Conducteur appears, and; Wear the motley, nor to run a race in informs us that we descend at the next station, and, after that, in sacks ; another five minutes we shall be at Reims. | But ’twas getting awkward rather when And so we are. Reims at last! Net brilliant is Reims on this my youngest asked his father dark night. There are several omnibuses and other vehicles waiting | Whatthe Presidentimplied by parallax. to take the very few passengers who alight from the train, and who, | it appeen, as a rule, prefer to walk. Having no baggage beyond a| The money market often puzzles me ; few bags and a small portmanteau which travel with us in ourcom-| I’ve no notion what the Funding Loan partment, and which the porter can wheel on a truck, or indeed | may be; | carry if he chooses, we are soon in the "bus, and rattling over the | In the sales of corn (Odessa), jute and sago, I confess a stones to the Hotel. Sort of feeling that I’m very much at sea ; SS | But couldn't the reporter keep this science rather shorter, ODE TO A BAROMETER. Or at any rate provide us with a key r By a Troubled Tapster.) ran anes . | I TAP you early, tap you late, The end—whatever you may say QUEER QUERIES. eo ~*~ In vain Is wet ! : Hovse Decoration.—What am I to do under the following «r- | Weget—whateveryoumaystate— "Twas wet in June, andin July | cumstances? I took a house a year ago, and painted the outs -* _ _Mueh rain. [sing Wet too; | searlet, with gold ‘‘ facings,” to remind me—and my neighbours— The W oonpeener of which fools In August it is wetter. Why, of the fact that I am highly connected with the Army, my decease Ne’er tapped Trust you? | wife’s half-brother having once held some post in the Commissariat. Half so persistently. Since Spring Barometer, you false old chap, I am leaving the house now, and my landlord actually insists on @Y . I’ve rapped You bore! soreping all the paint off! He says that if any bulls happen — Your fair false dial day by day, I’m no Woodpecker, and Ill tap! the house, they will be sure to run at it. Am I obliged to yield And yet No more! | this ridiculous caprice ?—Lovek oF THE PICTURESQUE.

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“Avovst 29, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. > ¢ Gh? ene ye — ahs — = = YO a 7 Kerry! ese | ALL-ROUND POLITICIANS.—-SIR RICHARD. ch's Parliamentary Artist reads in the Papers that Sir Richard T—— does not intend te Stand for Parliament again !

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CURI omen 108 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (Avousr 29, 189], LAI ————— —— | aH 28 THE MANNERS OF OUR CHILDREN! | 7a/er. Well I nover! a SEASIDE ASIDES. ; : a . Jacky. Never what? You have not _ par ics. 48 : . - K ‘'agment from a Tragic Fa suggested by a pleted the sentence. | eminent M j J Correspondence in a Daily Paper. Pater. Sir, you are an insolent young puppy! | jo On! how delichtful now at last to come | Scene— The Sanctum of Paterfamilias. Jacky. 1 am forced to contradict you, | ois well 2 Away from town its dirt, its _ rt rad ation, Enter to him Jacky, his eldest born. — to pases’. ry | cannot be willing to Detavied ts never-ending whirl, its ceaseless hum. . } , | let me regard you as a dog’ ‘ — oh lke tye — 4 though. than sheer Pater. (cordially). How are you, old chap? Pater. (after a pause). Well, the sooner Fon | tl BRO stagnation. For what could mortal man or maid want mors Than breezy downs to stroll on, rocks to climb up, Weird labyrinthine caverns to explore ? The re’s nothing else to do to fill the time up. Your honest face here earns an honest brown, You ramble on for miles ’mid gorse and heather, Sheep hold athletic sports upon the down Which makes the mutton taste as touch as leather). The place is guiltless, too, of horrid piers, And likewise is not Christy Minstrel tooney ; No soul-distressing strains disturb your ears. A German band has just played ** Anni Rooney. ad } The eggs as fresh as paint, the Cornish cream The boys from school all say is ‘* simply ripping,” The butter, so the girls declare, ‘a dream.” The only bacey you can buy quite dripping. ypiness of resting after strife, ere one forgets all worldly pain and sorrow, And one contentedly could A telegram will take m« AW A485 one’s life . ome to-morrow. CANIN] Sacactry.—Numerous this have been quoted in the Spec- tator and other papers. Our Toby would like to be in- formed how one clever dog would communi- cate with ( le ver dog, former were great hurry? reply from | of if in Th a great a e signing “ Doe- is that ** the would but that, he would Division, himself BERRY,” clever either tailegraph or tailephone ; anyhow, in the strictest confidence, tell his own tail.” low {> NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope there will be no exception. ‘concluded that you were quoting from the instances | another | the | authority im the K 9| | | ealeulated to lessen my respect for you. Jacky. Very well, thank you, Father. And will you forgive me—is not ‘‘chap” a trifle slangy ? Pater. (astonished). Eh! what ? Jacky. You were good enough to write to my Form Master after the Easter Vacation, complaining of my style. Consequently that worthy pedagogue has given more than usual attention to that part of my education. Pater. Well, now you are home for the holidays! As for your Form Master—hang him and all his works ! Jacky. Are you quite sure that you are quoting correctly ? To the best of my belief the line goes, ‘‘hang him with his pen and ink-horn.” Pater. Eh! what? I don’t understand you. Jacky. Why, my dear Father, I naturally Immortal Bard. You will find the passage in | The Second Part of King Henry the Sizth, | Act IV., Scene 2. Pater. What are you talking about ? Jacky. Why your misquotation. And will you forgive me—but do you not think it would | sound better if you were to ask me—‘‘ about what I was talking”? I might add that my Form Master and I—— Pater. Your “‘ Form Master and you.” | Rot and bosh! I should say Jacky (with a twitch of pain). Father, more slang, more slang ! Pater. (getting very red). And what if there is? What’sthatto you? Youdon’t pay for my education, do you? Jacky (quickly). No. Tf I did, I could not declare that I was satisfied with your progress! | Pater. (indignantly). You little prig, I— Jacky (calmly interrupting). Pray do not excite yourself. I am only doing my duty. I am merely attempting to instruct those less polished than myself. Surely I may regard such an action with satisfaction ? Pater. (furious). You shall go back to school at once ! Jacky. 1 am afraid that that is scarcely practicable. If you will refer to the slip that accompanied my school-bill, you will notice that the Vacation does not cease until the 20th of September. | Pater. And a nice school-bill! Why they charged everything as an extra! Jacky. Surely such a matter is scarcely within my province? According to statute, | my dear Father, you are bound to provide for me until (if my memory does not betray me) I reach the age of sixteen. As I am now five years younger than that limit, it is clearly your duty to support me. Pater. Why, Sir, you are insupportable ! Jacky (smiling). 1 see—a joke—very good ! But, my dear Sir, doyou think it quite dignified to make so small a jest in my presence? It is Oh, my dear get back to the school the better. right, my dear Father; and, as I take a since interest in your welfare, I would respectfully | suggest that you should accompany me. | must be patent tous both that you are lacking | in Pater. (losing his patience). You young | jeub! I will give you the soundest thrashing | you ever had in your life! 210 & 2! 18 & 19 143, isty Bonde THE C! Jacky (promptly). I have no doubt you are wlish, Mater familias (interposing). Oh, you cruel | TURAL man! What has the poor Guild one ? vole Jacky (with ready tact). Nothing, dearest | Mamma, casogt to take after his kind, clever and accomplished Mother ! [Scene closes in upon a family group not | Most Kart entirely free from domestic complications, | And pplied psig Spe G which was Mrs. R.’s description of the Ph risee. Their French leave is up, and they 'te | on sail or return. THE SURREY A B C. is for ABEL, who can certainly block well; stands for Bowery, and Beaumont, and BRockWELL ; is the Captain, Jonw Suuter his name; is the Devotion he gives to the game ; is the Ele- ven, deser- vedly great ; is the Funk which their bowlers cre- ate. stands for GEoRGE— our only GEORGE LOHMANN ; for young HENDERSON, foeman. is the Innings, beloved of the gapers; is the Jargon they put in the papers. is for Key, the accomplished Dark Blue; is for Lockwoop, who bowls a bit too; is for Mavrice, his other name Reap; oor old Nottingham, beaten indeed. is the Oval, the home of the crowd ; the Pavilion, the seat of the proud. is the Question, ‘‘ Oh, Umpire, how’s that*” is for Gentleman Reap, who can bat. stands for Suarpr, it will pay you to mind him ; : is the Trouble they were put to to find him; their United attempts—hard, to beat them; the Vain efforts oft made to defeat them. represents Woop at the wicket ; is the Xcellent style of their cricket. ends the county, not played out in a hurry. stands for Zero, a stranger to Surrey! valiant young A Geyvrye Reoret.—The French Admi- | ral had one regret) in leaving Albion’s | hospitable —_ shores, and that is that he didn’t go up to London and get 4 taste of a real City Savory at a Munch- ing House _ He wouldn’t have found The Albion | ** perfidious ” in the matter of “turtle and fine living,”—| Pha- | el , Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Avovusr 29, 1891. CURIOUS OLD ped WHISKIES 10 38 6 pap Sew. tes = . nent im recom- on the 1 Lisky, states ; should “Whisky used | atured. "healed List om appltention © L BROS., COBBETT & SON | LIMITED), 0 & 211, PICCADILLY; ig @ 19, PALL MALL; 4s, a ST. tores, Inverness, N.B. FROLSTEIN THE CHAMPAGNE OF TURAL MINERAL WATERS SPARKLING DELICIOUS FROLSTEIN be Bees ws ew - i go) Sra a "a ral Supplied = att the Theatres and oll Spiers & Ponda’ Restaurants. " Recow MEW by the Mosr Ewrwerr st Paoresstow ag the FINEST RAL WATER KNOWN Pints; 21s. for 50 Quarts. , 1, CHRAPSIDE, B.C. OPER FRERES’ 9 GUKE ISHAM & 60S FINEST OLD BRANDY. loz. in Cases as imported & Co., ™%, Regent Street, Ww. CAUTION. HE THREE CASTLES” ...}OBAGCO. ision of the High Court of Non of W. D. & H. O. Witis s and Bis, Boner, of meconiste, Mr. Justice North T sth day { March, lawl eon tr ndants from offering ne Dek nc 2, not of the manufacture or J ysts of the action rquent imitations of Messrs THREE CASTLES” ive this public notice, that ng re aaaee under the title of ASTLES” except that manu ~W.Da&an WILLS, will be " MCKENNA & CO., I ghal | Street, London, E.C 0. Cy D 4H. 0. WILLS m FAT PEOPLE LENE TABLET TS Eee bury Pavement, London aA l ab vMod Omnibus Quod U ‘ _” gue. A pollinaris THE QUEEN oF TABLE WATERS.” “Tl ihe ; hon best beverage.” ‘ TRUTH. FRY’S PURE CONCENTRATED SOLUBLE COCOA “7 consider it & very Tich, delicious Cocoa.” —W. EH. R. STANLEY, &MLD. | LIEBIG COMPANY'S STP ACE BEEF Signature (as above) in Blue Ink across the Label on each Jar of the Genuine Extract. BRINSMEAD ‘PIANOS. BRINSME. JOHN BRINONEA Panera Mak aM. Lists Free ore be ~~ over balfa century FLORILINE. FOR THE TEETH AND BREATH. Is the BEST LIQUID DENTIFRICE in the World. Romdewe the Teeth PEAMLY W w hits. Is harmiess, and Delicious to the Taste Is partly com of Honey, and extracts from A, —- herbs and pl lants. Of all Chemists and Perfumers throughout the world. 2s. 6d. per bottie FLOBILINE TOOTH POWDER caly, Put up in glass jars. Price ls. Prepared only by The Anglo-American Drug Company, Limited, %, Farringdon Read, London, £.¢. my t= Rey oR. By ~~ te Sav aie Rls Eabls oy fai ioned rach fon) are wz as iy ay To obts |S ad r ca oo Be i gecits S Bone, 2-, 3/6, and 6/-. 0D FOR DELICATE LDREN. Or Acusts, on st Pances Por Fase DImECT rRO™M SQUIRE & SONS, Her Majesty's Chemists, 413, OXFORD STREET, LONDON. MEAD PIANOS. & BONS Princess of W ales, Bottles, SOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS AND PERFUMERS,IN ELECANT CRYSTAL TOILET CASKET AR p i. PRES OF AY ory LOHSE'S. a ere ee = LILY OF THE VALLEY = PERFUME OILET SOAP USTAV LONSE eemum “JOHANNIS” KING OF TABLE WATERS. CHARCED ENTIRELY WITH NATURAL GAS. Prevents Gout, Rheumetism, and Indigestion. Mixes equally well with Wines, Spirits, or Milk. Not medicinal, but an agreeable health promoting be verage SUPPLIED AT ALL FIRST-CLASS HOTELS AND RESTAURANTS Sample Cases cf 50 Pints, 19-6, including bottles. JOHANNIS SPRINGS, Ltd., ZOLLHAUS, GERMANY. Wuotrsace Srones— Ma, WHARF CITY ROAD, LONDON. C. BRANDAUER & CU.'S/f CIRCULAR POINTED Ihe potnte Doing Found p E N cS by a ne Prize C.BRANDAUERSCY IRCULAR as CUSisreont Attention is also drawn to their new “ Graduated yne pattern being made in 4 degrees ond = h in 3 widths of points of either series, 6¢d., or by ks, Biamiwona w Medals aw anal. Series of Pen: of flexibility, Asso’ ample He post for 7 stomps , m the We Gold Medals, Diplomas, and Highest Awards wherever exhibited, for Absolute Purity, Superiority of Manufacture, and True Flavour ARMOUR'S EXTRACT OF BEEF Retains the True Natural Taste and Stimulating Properties of Freshly-Cooked Beef. SULPHOLINE rans LOTION THE CURE FOR ERUPTIONS, BLOTCHES, ECZEMA, ACNE DISFIGUREMENTS. MAKES THE SKIN CLEAR, SMOOTH, SUPPLE, HEALTHY A LAMATIVE, REFRESHING FRUIT LOZENCE, VERY ACREEABLE TO TAKE. TAMAR INDIEN FOR CONSTIPATION, Hemorrhoids, Bile, Loss of Appetite, Gastric and Intestinal Troubles, Headache. GRILLON. EB. GRILLON, 69, SOLD BY ALL Queen Street, City, London. CHEMISTS AND DBUGGISTS, Qa. Ga. A BOX. | | | Continue to be supplied to Her Majesty the Queen. BEWARE OF IMITATIONS OF BOTH RED AND BROWN LABELS COLT'S NEW UNITED STATES NAVY REVOLVER for House Protection, Travellers, and for Military Purposes, takes Bley s + eal. capes ¢ abi gh otk rt her ‘a cal er uote Pepin a. Target ¥, accuracy and cmd sh, corre Pa aw VOLY Ai at endl Edin apg Dupin ™ segs dt Gee %s, aaa r a ania Leadea, Bad HAVE YOU A BABY? If so, send for a free bottle, with testimonials and Medical Opinions, of HORLICK’S MALTED MILK. A PERFECT FOOD IN ITSELF. 39, SNOW HILL, LONDON, B.C. HOWARD BEDFORD PORTABLE RAILWAY USED IN THE ROYAL NURSERIES. BEST FOOD INFANTS. In Tins, 1s., 2s., 58., and 10s. each. SAVORY & MOORE, tonoon, AND 8O0LD EVERYWHE RE NON MER cul RIAL ~ The HEST one BAPEST )BTICLS for ARAN TNO ae hvy ELEOTKO PLATE, &e GOLD pala’ ewarded Kaa every where, ‘in Boxes, te, ad, , and to. Gd. WRIGHTS: COAL’: === TAR: ey

Page 16

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Avevusr 29, 1891. alert SAMUEL BROTHER “Jeen Tan” Reerre SCHOOL OUTFITS. Messrs. SAMUEL BROTHERS reepectfully tavite an inspeetion of Raome thetr fhew and by ty sy 1 - ——_ eharges ae the le or ’ Schools, &e. ‘The requirements of Youths and Boys have for very the closest attention of Messrs. tAMUnL BD ERS, with the result that this important t of their business has attained Grace eo ap ovny want in — insured. “WEAR-RESISTING ” FABRICS (Reo.).—The Firm are the and seie ° . material The “ Wear- that has been manufactared by them te withstand hard wear given by Boys and Youths te their School and everyday dress. Catalogue (400 Engravings) and Patterns Free on Application, 65 & 67, Ludgate Hill, London, £.C. Work Shope :— Pilgrim Street, Ludgate Hill ; and 44, Gray's Inn Road. “ Borm none.” © eee ‘Vinol ANTISEPTIC. AROMATIC. It contains no salicylic or mineral acids, or bleaching corrosive alkalies. Instead of soap which turns the teeth yellow, it is made with the harmless Saponin (South American Soap Bark), which Dentifri PRESERVATIVE. REFRESHING “A very delicately perfumed powder, entirely free frm least grittiness or alkalinity. smoothness and coolness is most grateful.”— British and ( In the mouth, the senstig lathers and cleanses beautifully. SATURDAY. Druggist. English, 2s. 6d.; American, 1s, 6d, American Address—469, GREENWICH STREET, NEW YORK. me’ b places. do its work. i this way, => them out | => _=~ lightly on the wash- —==_ , and the dirt ">> appears to drop —_————_ right out. I do not scald or boil a single piece. If a streak is hard to wash, I rub some more soap on it, and throw back into the suds a few minutes. I rinse in lukewarm water, rubbing the garment - y! over the wash-board through the | su rinse water to get the dirt out. I then blue—using very little—as this soap whitens the clothes, and hang out. Coloured goods, flannels, woollens, &c., I treat in the same way—but they need not soak so long, and I make the last rinse water a trifle soapy.” DON’T RUB HARD, or the dirt will be rubbed in. RUB LIGHTLY, and the DIRT WILL DROP OUT. ECONOMISE. the SUNLIGHT SOAP will do more washing than two tablets of ordinary laundry soaps. MAKE YOUR CLOTHES WHITE. NOT INJURE THE MOST DELICATE LACE. NOT SHRINK FLANNELS AND WOOLLENS. ENABLE YOU TO DO A LARGE WASH IN HALF A DAY. One Tablet of IT WILL IT WILL Ir WILL IT WILL are always in mischief, and constant child’s clothes in anyt getting a tablet of 8 GHT washing is no longer a task. A Lady writes: ‘‘ Being compelled # my own washing, and be the old method an SUNLIGHT SOAP in the following way, I get myc white and clean, and without tirin dip one of the garments in a tub of water, draw it out on the wash- and rub the soap over it lightly, being particular to soap all the I then roll it ina sprinkled for ironing, and lay it in the bottom o and go on until all the pieces have the soap rubbed on them and are! up. I then go away—from thirt to some light employment about the house, letting the S ‘Aher washing is nec to k like order. Relieve yourself of this worry SOAP, and proving to yourself in delicate health, it was simply ‘i with ordinary laundry —° By usi othes it myself in the least. First, ht roll, just as a piece is rolled afte re the tub under the minutes to an hour—and 1GHT Pret Oy ner saa the Bhecaci ot Wiltnlnta as Cy sf 'Lmston, tad ablohed yin ot he: 6h Vleet Slots tat Pistchad BU Mr, cy of Landon. ~sarvanat, Negus EVERY PUBLISHED