Punch 1891-07-18: Vol 101 Iss 2610
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BOTTLED AT THE SPRINGS. =a Schwe Je 'S S parklin Malvern TER. | | a | SiR HENRY Tuomr son :—* No purer water exists in any natural sources than that of our own Malvern Springs.” tous a s
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a NCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jvuty 18, 1891. PATERSON’S GUIDE |, pov Raogy- taps tn ta ese Bwois W aces —46 Mapes and Plans, 4+ tf] an>—Beotiand, ts 6¢. and is. Edinburgh, ls ana G4 Trossachs, le and 6¢ & ow and Land of ¥ r * end @¢. Land of Seott, & etiand, |+ and 64 reed —— and Plans, ls Maps end Plans, 6, Lovells Court, Paternoster Row, EC. bh ckesellers THE STANDARD E. GRILLON, 69, Quee AND LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY. ESTABLISHED 1825. Accumulated Fund, 74 Millions Stg. FOR PROTECTION ININLSIANI P EDINBURGH, 8 George St. (Head Office) LONDON, 63 King William Street, E.C. e } Pall Mall Bast, 8.W DU BL IN, 60 Upper Sackville Street. Dranches & Agencies in India 4 the Colonies. . © WHITEHALL COURT.” FLATS, FACING AND WHITEHALL PLACE, EMBANKME NT aw t Suites are Atted with every modern Het and Oold Water, MPiectrice * Visitors’ and Servants Lifts in and day, and occupy the finest London, affording extensive views the Surrey Mills in the distance t rdens. 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Jury 18, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 25 LETTERS TO ABSTRACTIONS. No. II.—TO SOCIAL AMBITION. Dear Srre, on Mapa, I AD not intended to annoy you with another letter. But since I addressed you last week I have received one or two communi- cations—not from you, bien entendu, for you are too wary to disput the aceuracy of what I have written; but from concrete human beings, who pretend to speak on your behalf, and deny that I have ‘proved my case.” I might answer by saying that I never set out to prove a case—that I wished merely to enjoy a friendly chat with you, and to appeal to your clemency on behalf of the large class whom I ventured to represent by the Dancnicxs. ‘“* But,” says one of my detractors, in a letter now lying before me, *‘ you have only given one instance. You have talked grandly about Queens, and Dukes, and actresses, and, in the end, you have put us off with a wretched story about the parrenu Dascuick. For my part, I refuse to admit your authority until you prove, in greater detail, that you really know something of the subject on which you presumed to write.” “Sir,” I reply, “‘you are brusque, and somewhat offensive in the style you use towards me. For my part I do not admit that you are entitled to an answer from me, and I have felt disposed to pass you by in silence. But since there may be other weak vessels of your sort, I will do violence to myself, and pen another letter.” And thus, my dear SoctaL Amsrrion, I once more take the liberty of addressing you, not without an inward tremor lest you should pounce upon me unawares, and cause me to expiate my rashness by driving me from the calm seclusion in which I spend my days, to mingle with the feverish throng who wrangle for place and precedence, myself the most feverish weiner of them all. But, on the rinciple that we are both, in some sort, fouks, I think I may trust you to spare my eyes, while I remind you of one or two incidents in which yo. bore a| part. | And first Birenxrysop knocks at the door of my memory. I bid him enter, and I see a tall slim youth, not ill-favoured, | wearing well-cut clothes, and carrying a most beautiful, | gold-topped Malacca eane delicately in his hand. He is | smoking a cigar, and complains to me that his life is a succession of aimless days, and that he cannot find any employment to turn | his hand to. at very night, I remember, he dined with me. We} went to the play together, and afterwards looked in at Lady} Aticta Parnom.’sdance. Dear Lady Auicta, how plump she was, and | how good-natured, and how well she married her fiddle-headed daugh- ters. Her husband too, that clumsy, heavy-witted oaf, how cunningly and how successfully withal she schemed for his advancement. Quid plura? you knew her well, she was devoted to you. I only speak of her to remind you that it was in her hospitable rooms that Gervask BLENKINSOP met you—and his fate. He had danced for the second time that evening with Exvrra Parnort, and, having returned that blushing virgin to her accustomed corner, was just about to depart when the ample form of Lady Aticia bore down upon him: ** Oh, Mr. BLenxrysop,” her Ladyship began, “*T really cannot allow you to go before 1 introduce you to Mr. WILBRAHAM. I hear,” she continued, ‘‘ he has just lost his Private Secretary, and who knows but that——” Here she paused, and archly tapping her protégé’s cheek with her fan, she bore him off to introduce him to the Cabinet Minister. I watched the ceremony. Something whispered to me that BLenxinsor was lost. Must i go through the whole inful story ? onourable friead, and from that moment he was a changed man. His cheery good-nature vanished. Instead of it he cultivated an air of pompous importance. One w one he wi out ( friends, and attached to himself dull bat potentially useful big wigs who possessed titles and influence. At one of our last s | interviews (we only nod distantly now whén we meet), he hinted that in the next distribution of honours his name might be ex .. It) | appeared, but, alas for gratitude, he had to satisfy himself with a | > try K.C.M.G., which his wife (I forgot to say that he married Evvyn4) despises. He js now a disappointed man whom his friends, if he had any, would pity. He is getting on in life ; the affectations he so laboriously cultivated no longer amuse. The witlings of his VOL. CT. his useless | Clubs remark openly upon his ridiculous desire to pose as an earth- shaking personage, and when he goes home he has to listen to a series of bitter home-truths from the acrid Ervrra. Would it not, I ask, have been better for Sir Gervase Birenxrysor, K.C.M.G., to have continued his ancient and aimless existence, than to have had a fallacious greatness dangled before his eyes to the end of his disappointed, but aspiring life * One more instance, and I have done. Do you remember Tommy Trestarr at Trinity’ I do. He was, of course, a foolish youth, but he might have had a pleasant which his family intended him. second year at the University, he met Sir James Spoor, an undergraduate Baronet, of rreat wealth, and dissolute habits. Poor Touny was dazzled by his new friend's life in the fat living for | In his | specious glare and glitter, and his slapdash | manner of scattering his money. They became inseparable. The same dealer sup- plied them with immense cigars, they went | to race meetings, and tried to break the ring. When Sir James wished to gamble, Tommy was always ready to keep the bank. And all the time poor Mrs. Trestarr, in her country home, was overjoyed at her darling’s success in what she told me once was the most brilliant and remarkable set at Cam- bridge. The other day V4 / VA TELL } Where is Tommy now ? a ragged man shambled up to me, with a request that I should buy a box of lights | from him. about him. Could it be Tommy’ The There was a familiar something | question was indirectly answered, for, before | could extract a penny, or say a word, he looked hard at me, turned his head away, | and made off as fast as his rickety legs would carry him. Most men must have had « similar experience, but few know, as I do, that you, my dear Socrar Amprrion, urged the wretched Tommy to his destruction. On the whole, I dislike you. Those who obey you become the meanest of God's creatures. Pardon my candour, and believe me, Yours, without respect, Diogenes Roprnson. AUTHOR! AUTHOR! Lorp CoLERIDGE’s summing up to the Jury in the action taken by Jones (author of burlesques) v. Roberts » (player of the same) was excellent common sense, a quality much needed in the case. Mr. Jones, —not our Exery Havrior, whose contempt for Burlesque generally is as well known as he can make it,—wrote to Mr. Artuvr Ropexts, formerly of the Music Halls and now of the legitimate Stage, styling him “Governor,” and professed that he would “fit him toa T.’ Poeta nascitur non “ fit,"—and the born burlesque-versifier was true to what would probably be his comic version of the Latin proverb, But the inimitable Artaur, who does so much for himself on the stage, hardly required any extraneous help, and at last rejected the result of poor Jongs’s three months’ hard labour at the Joe-Millery mill. This, however, was no joke to Jones, who straight- way decided that this time he would give the inimitable Arruvn | something quite new in the way of a jest; and so, dropping the dialogue, he came to *‘ the action,” which, in this instance, was an action-at- law. Whatever Mr. Roserts may have thought of the words, he will hardly have considered the result of this case as ‘* good business” from his own private and peculiar point of view. But all Dramatic Authors,—with the solitary exception of Mr. Yarpiey, formerly famous in the field, but now better known in ‘‘ The Lane,” at panto- | mime time, than to any Court where he has a legal right to appear in | He became Private Secretary to his new Right | “% and gown,—from the emallest who write to please a ‘* Governor,” up to the biggest, who write to please themselves, should rejoice at | the decision in the case of Jones vy. Roberts. Aw Omission aT THE Gut~pHALL Luycneon.—On the occasion | of the Civi t to the German Exprnor, an Alderman, distin- of the Civic Banquet to Se a eek | ed for his courtesy to strangers, and his a dishes, especially of anything at all spicy, wished to know why, as a compliment to their Imperial guest, they had omitted ‘ pickelhaubes’’ from the bill of fare’ He had understood, from well-informed friends, that the Emrrron seldom went anywhere without some “ pickelhaubes,” whatever they might be, as he himself, the worthy Alderman, had never had the opportunity of tasting on. | |
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_PUNCH, or THE LONDON CHARIVARI. es [Jury 18, 189]. Cg S Ta
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Jury 18, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE L ONDON CHARIVARI. JOLLY JULY. Tre storm of rain comes swirling down, Our helpless flow’rets droop and die ; The thunder crashes o’er the town— In wet July. Our cricket-match is spoilt, the stumps We draw beneath a drenching sky ; Then homeward wend in doleful dumps— In wet July. The lawn ’s a lake, whereon there float The balls that erst would o’er it fly ; We can’t play tennis from a boat, In wet July. Our garden-party ’s ruined quite, Of invitations friends fight shy ; They wisely shun the sloppy sight In wet July. Take that old aneroid away, A new barometer we ’Il try ; With hope for haply one fine day— n wet July. BeaTine THE Recorp.—Mrs. MaLaPropr’s | ‘Cerberus, as three single gentlemen rolled into one,”’ was ‘‘notin it” last week with | H. R. H. the Prince of Waxes, who, in the | eourse of the Royal Entertainments given to! our Imperial Cousin-German, appeared as | ‘*a host of illustrious personages.” An ad- | mirable performance. A Nursery Echo from Carlow. PARNELL put the Kerrie on, Tru Heaty came it rather strong, HamMonD was the people’s man, And he’s now M.P, Jones (Blue Ribbon | PAGNE, OR, BY JovE, WE DON’T SEEM TO BE GETTING ON A BIT! re IN DESPERATE STRAITS. to abstemious Lady he has taken in to dinner). “ Look nene, MADAM, EirHeR YOU MUST HAVE A GLASS oF CHAM J must!!” ALICE IN THUNDERLAND. Alice... The TH-Nv-R-R. White Queen . Red Queen. . . CH-MB-RL-N. . » H-Rc-xt. ~ “ T’xx tell you what it is, your Majesty,” said ALicr in a severe tone (she was always rather fond of scolding the White Queen), | “it'll never do to swagger about all over the place like that! | Dignitaries have to be dignified, you know! ” ‘verything was happening so oddly (since Thunderland had | turned against Blunderland) that she didn’t feel a bit surprised at tinding the Red Queen and the White Queen sitting close to her, one on each side. But she found it rather difficult to be quite civil to them—especially the White Queen, who had once been rather a favourite with her, but at whom she now never lost an opportunity | of girding. ** Always ak the truth,” said the Red Queen (cocking her nose at the White)—‘‘ think before you speak—and write it down | afterwards, It’s safest, if you ’re dealing with some persons.” ** That "s just what I complain of,” said the White Queen, loftily. ‘* You couldn’t tell the truth—about that Table—if you tried with both hands.” _ “*I don’t tell the truth with my hands,” the Red Queen objected, icily, Nobody said you did,” said the White Queen. ‘* Nobody said | you told it anyhow. I said you couldn’t if you tried. And you don’t try either. So there!” ‘She's in that state of mind,” said the Red Queen, ‘‘ that she | wants to deny something—only she doesn’t know what to deny !”’ A nasty vicious temper,” the White Queen remarked ; and then there was an uncomfortable silence for a month or two. ,, The White Queen broke the silence by saying to the Red Queen, I invite you to Aticr’s Party—which used to be neutral ground to explain, if you can, that nondescript nonsense of yours about National Councils as a substitute for Home Rule.” The Red Queen smiled sourly, and said, ‘* And I invite you.” .. _- didn’t know J was to have a Party at all,” said Atice. Parties are things I don’t hold with, as a rule; too great a tax and a tie. I like my freedom, J do. But, if I am to have one, I think I ought to invite the guests.” * Atice of Thunderland, you require some lessons in manners,” the White Queen remarked. “* Manners are not taught in lessons,” said Atice. ‘‘ Lessons teach some people to do sums, and things of that sort.” —— **Can you do addition?” the Red Queen asked scornfully of the White. (‘* Bah, she can’t do sums a bit!” she added, aside.) **She is doubtless better at Dirision,” interposed ALIcK, signi- ficantly. | “Divide a State by a Statutory Parliament,” said the Red p ory with a derisive wink. ‘‘What’s the right answer te that ?’ ‘*Much the same as dividing a Nation by an indefinite number of Councils,” retorted the White Queen, smartly. ‘* Talk about tu quoques, there’s one for you!” “Oh, as for that,” rejoined the Red Queen, sniffing, ‘try another subtraction sum! ‘Take a Grand Old Leader from a‘ Party’ of discredited ‘ Items,’ and what would remain?” “Why, a Policy, of course,” replied the White Queen. ‘ And another Leader,” she added, sotto voce. ** Here’s another for you,” she pursued, aloud. ‘* Take a Liberal-Unionist Tail from a Radical * Rat,’ what would remain then?” ‘Tl suppose you think nothing would remain,” sneered the Red Queen. ** Wrong, as usual,” said the White Queen; ‘‘ the Rat’s nasty temper would remain.” ** But I don’t see how!’ “* Why, look here,” the White Queen cried ; ‘ the Rat would lox its temper with its ‘ tail,’ wouldn’t it ’”’ ** Perhaps it would,” Avice replied, cautiously. “* Then, if the ‘ Rat’ went away from its ‘Tail,’ its temper would remain,” the White Queen exclaimed. Auice said, as gravely as she could, ‘They might go different ways—the ‘ Kat,’ the ‘Tail,’ and the *’ emper.’” But she couldn't help thinking to herself, ‘* What dreadful nonsense we are talking '”’ Tue Oxty Onr.—A ready-penning writer in his Daily Graphic notice of doings in the Houses of Parliament, winds up his deserip- | tion of giving the Royal Assent to Bills in the Upper House with these words—'‘ So ends the ceremony, which seems to take one away | from the Nineteenth Century” —a little sum in subtraction—1.¢., ‘take one away from the Nineteenth Century, and the Eighteenth Century remains; but to continue—‘‘back to the days of the Edwards and the Henrys.” ut why go back to any other century than the “so-called Nineteenth”? Isn’t it only a very few years o that the Epwaxos, the singular Hewny with plural surname of Epwaxps, sat for, Weymouth’ What other Hennys or Epwanbs | could ever oceur to any well-conditioned Parliamentary scribe ?
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. [Jury 18, 1891. VOCES POPULI. A RECITATION UNDER DIFFICULTIES, Scexe—An Evening Party ; Miss Fresta BiopKkowson, a talented young Professional Reciter, has been engaged to entertain the company, and is about to deliver the seat he piece entitled, ‘ The Lover of Lobelia Bangs, a Cow Idyl.” There is the usual crush, and the quests outside the y ham -room, who can neither hear nor see what is going on, console t ives by con- rersing in distinctly audible tones. Jammed in a doorway, between the persons who are trying to get in, and the w would be only too glad to get out, is an Unsophisticated Guest who doesn’t know a soul, and is consequently reduced to listening to the Recitation. This is what he hears: Miss Fresia Blud. (in a tone of lady-like apology). I am only a Cowhoy—— Several Ladies put up their glasses, and examine her critically, as if they had rather expected this confession, Sudden burst of Society Chatter from without, Society Chatter. How d’ye do?...Oh, but her parties never are!. How are you’ .. . No, I left her at... Yes, he’s somewhere about .. . Saw you in the Row this mornin’ Are you doing anything on—— *... Oh, what a shame!... No, but doesn’t she now?.. . No earthly use trying to get in at mt... &c., &e. Miss Fresia B. (beginning again, with meek despair, a little louder). I am only a Cowboy; reckless, rough, in an unconven- tional suit of clothes ; I hain’t, as a rule, got much to say, and my conversa- tion is mostly oaths. [Cries of “Ssh!” intended, however, for the people outside, who are chattering harder than ever. When the cackle of females strikes my ear — Society Chatter (as before). Oh, much cooler here... Yes, delightful, wasn’t it? Everybody one knows... No, you don’t really? ... Oh, Porsy 's flourishing, thanks . . . The new Butler turned out a perfect demon... but I said I wouldn't have his tail docked for anything. . . so they ’ve painted it eau de Nil, and it look so nice! Miss F. P. pointedly ° When the cackle of females strikes my ear, I jest vamose, for they make me skeered, And I sorter suspicion I skeer them too, with m) hulking form, and my bushy beard! | Here, of course, she strokes a very round chin. Society Chatter. Seems to be somethin’ goin’ on in there—-singin’, actin’, dancin’, or somethin’ . Well, of course, only heard Aer version of it as yet, y’ know. .. Have you seen him in... white bensaline with a Medici collar, and one of those... nasty gouty attacks he wi// have are only rheumatism, &c., &c. Miss F. B. (when nert heard). I cleared my throat, and I tried to speak—but the words died strangled A Feminine Voice outside. So long since we had a quiet talk together! Do tell me all about, &c., &c. Miss F. B. — strangled by sheer alarm. For there in front—— Y [Here she points dramatically at a stout matron, who fans herself consec tously. , was the slender form, and the sweet girl-face of our new * School Marm”! [twangs ? Say, boys! hev’ ye heard an Molian harp which a Zephyr’s tremulous finger Wa’al, it kinder thrills ye the way I felt m Oo I first beheld Lowetra Banas ! Soc. Chat. Oh, you really ought to go—so touching! Drecx and I both regularly howled all through the last Act ... Not in the /east, thanks. Well, if there is a seat... You’re sure there are any ices * Then, strawberry, please—no, nothing to drink! ... Will you allow me’... Told she could dress hair perfectly, but I soon found she was ...a Swedenborgian, my dear, or something horrid ‘ Haven't you? J’re had it three times, and ...so many people have asked me for cards that really I. . . had the drains thoroughly looked to, and now they’re.. delicious, but rather overpowering in | & room, I think! &e., &c. | Miss F. B. (with genuine feeling). Who would imagine one meek-voiced girl could have held her own in a fening din! But Lonexia’s scholars discovered soon she 'd a dead-sure notion of discipline ; “Tam only a Cowboy.’ For her satin palm had a sting like steel, and the rowdiest rebel respected her, When she'd stretched out six of the hardest lots in the Bible-C with a Derringer ! Soe. Chat. No, a very dull party, you could move about quite easily in all the rooms, so we .. . kicked the whole concern to shivers and... came on here as soon as we could... Capital dinner they gare us, too... &e., &e. Miss F. B. (with as much conviction as possible under the circumstances). And the silence deepened ; no creature stirred in the stagnant hush, and the only sound Was the far-off lumbering jolt, produced by the prairie rolling for leagues around ! Soe. Chat. (crescendo). Oh, an old aunt of mine has gone in for map - condos ~—she’s had several lessons... and cut her rather badly, y’ know, so I put her out to grass... and now she ean sit up and hold a biscuit on her nose... but she really ought to mix a little grey in her wig! (&e., &e., to the distraction of the U isticated Guest, who is getting quite interested in Losetta Banos whom he suddenly discovers, much to his surprise, on horseback. Miss F. B. And on we cantered, without a word, in the mid- y heat, on our swift mustangs. I was only ignorant Cowboy CLem—but I worshipped bright Lopetta Banos! Soe. Chat. (fortissimo). Not for ages ; but last time I met him he was... in a ful state, with the cook down with influenza. . . and so I sup he ’s married her by this time ! Miss F. B. (excitedly). But hark! in the distance a weird shrill cry, a kinder mournful, monotonous yelp— (Further irruption of Society Chatter) . . . is it jackal ?— bison ?—a ery for help? Soc. Chat. Such a complete rest, you know— so perfectly ful! Not a’soul totalkto. I love it... but, to really enjoy a tomato, you must see it dressed...in the sweetest little sailor suit ! Miss F. B. My horse was a speck on the pampas’ verge, for I dropped the rein in my haste to a Then I pressed my ear to the baking soil—and caught —ah, horror—the Indian whoop ! Soc. Chat. Some say it isn’t infectious, but one can’t be too careful, and, with children in the house, &e., &e. Miss F. B. I rose to my feet with quivering knees, and my face turned white as a fresh-w towel; I had heard a war-cry I knew too well—’twas the | murderous band of Blue-nosed Owl! Soe. Chat. Nice fellow—I’m very fond of him —so fresh—eapital company—met him when I was over there, &c. Miss F. B “ What? leave you to face those fiends alone! ” she cried, and slid from her horse’s back ; “ Let me die with you—for I love you, Clem!” Then she gave her steed a resounding smack, And he bounded off; “‘ Now Heaven be praised that my school six-shooter I brought!” said she. “ Four barrels I’ll keep for the front-rank foes—and the next for you—and the last for me! Soe. Chat. Is it a comic piece she’s doing, do you know ? Don’t think so, I ean see somebody smiling. Sounds rather like SHAKSPEARE, or Dickens, or one of those fellahs . . . Didn’t catch what you said. No Quite impossible to hear oneself speak, isn’t it ? Miss F. B. And ever louder the demons yelled for their pale-faced prey—but I scorned death’s pangs, For I deemed it a doom that was half delight to die by the hand of Lopgiia Banos! Then she whispered low in her dulcet tones, like the crooning coo of a eushat dove ! (At the top of her voice). “ Forgive me, Crem, but I could not bear any own true love!” | = to torture m And raised the revolver—“ crack-crack-crack |” To the infinite chagrin of the Unsophisticated Guest, who is intensely - anzious to nee Noe Mies Banos and her lover escaped from so
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Jury 18, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 29 unpleasant a dilemma—the remaining cracks of her revolver, together with the two next stanzas, are drowned in a fresh torrent of small-talk—after which he hears Miss ¥. B. conclude with repressed emotion : But the ochre on Blue-nosed Owl was blurred, as his braves concluded their brief harangues ; And he dropped a tear on the early bier of our Prairie belle, Lonztta Banos! [ Which of course leaves him in a state of hopeless mystification. Soc. Chat. Is that the end? Charming! Now wes be able to talk again! &c., &e. OFF TO MASHERLAND. (By Our Own Grandolph. ) (THIRD LETTER.—C.) Lanps-caPE Pouirics. Rage 4 Goo wae 7 much aepemation this = ~~ as gg the firm of § an ccreeraars aptain, — have to write rather a ae packet for the ily Graphic. I suppose you will have got Herr Von Gerwaw Emperor with you by the time you receive this from yours i or His Imperialness ma’ have quitted your,—that is, our, though I’ m here nee, hemlet OD) YG Yh; Uy Y/ ML / Yj Yj YW YL JMYyMw#Jy Ye \. Dancing -Girk- Birk old Dacmmy; he can bring it out in his new Persian Jee Miller. Cheeky little street-boys give you Capers’ sauce. They can lead you a pretty dance if you chivy them. | AMUSEMENTS OF THE Borns. | gy Bly - across a Peep-Boer- | Show. n it all before. Also a kind of Punch-and-Judy performance going | on, ted into South-African dialect. | There was not a paying ublic to witness it; and, with all my desire and with every intention to encourage native talent, I was compelled to turn away, *“*more in sorrow than in anger,’ (SHAKSPEARE again—Hamlet's (host, I ») when the pipe-and-drammer man came to me for a contribution. Not a@ penny in my pocket. ‘‘I will reim- burse thee nobly,” said I, “on m return from the Mine-land.” He quot some line or other, which I did not catch, and gave the name of the writer, one ** WALKER,” as his authority. WALKER is asso- ciated in my mind with an — ar, wt, thoug it me Native Masher from been much added Masherland. to in recent years, I doubt whether the words the Showman used on this oceasion can be found in my pocket edition, or in any other edition of that excellent and trustworthy compilation. Cuoance or Har. Called at native barber's to-day. Gave him no instructions. Thought of course he was going to cut it; and so fell asleep. I almost always fall asleep when under the mesmeric influence of a content administrator. I should like him to keep on doin, again. So soothing! Woke up and found myself—like this. (See Hair Cut.) Here- with please receive portrait, and treasure it.’ Arma VIRUMQUR. Must send you a sketch of some of our B.B.B.’s, or the Bold Bobbies of Basuto all armed. Ha! ha! asdearold WoLrry would have said, ** 1 was quite all-armed at seeing this!’ it; eut and comb Native Amusements—“ A Poor House.” shores. 4 propos of Hospitable Shores, remember me to the most hospitable of all Shores—Captain SHaw—of the Fire-and-Water srigade. My companions—*‘ Jolly companions everyone” — the Cautious Captain, or the Wily Wits, Doubting Doctor, Energetic Engineer, all well. Wily Witttams hard at his MS. | giving an account of the ‘‘ agricultural and mineral resources” o the What-can-the-Matterbeland, ‘“‘through the instrumentality of the Chartered Company.” He’s tat this. Think I shall start new Company—‘* The Chartered Libertine.’ If my memory doesn’t fail me, that’s a Shak- spearian title. But who was the ** Chartered Libertine”? I notice these South-African States are independent of Home Government. ’Pon my word, I fancy W. E. G. was right about Home Rule. On whose shoulders can the G. 0. M.’s mantle fall, without enveloping him in entire obscurity, except on those of the Leader of the once united, but now fractured quar- tette . m pars magna Sui oy still keep up my Latin, ou see. I wasn’t sent to Eton or nothing ; nor was any other boy that I’ve ever heard of. CAPERS, depdapanition ob te Code, tee cing es @ ‘ape, when all the inhabitants are — I make this a present to my dear Caperycornamental Hairdressing. Hope to be on the track of Tom Tippien’s ground very soon. But anyhow till I am sw la tache, ** on the spot,” any one of these letters of mine (emphasis on the * mine’’) of which all are genuine—*' proofs before letters’? you have in my signed promise—is well worth a hundred pounds, and | cheap at the price. It’s my note of hand in exchange for the cash, |for the “‘ready ay ready!” as we say at sea. Away to the ficids of gold! Prosprctixne PossterLirres. | N.B.—Rather think I am going to call on Queen Zamurrt this afternoon. Ahem! Do you remember the ballads of ** My heart is | true to Poll,” and ‘‘ The King of the Owyhees” ? Again, ahem! | ** Black Queen to mate in three moves.” Of course, can’t go in for | this sort of thing myself, but by deputy, eh? y= Government and King Proxy tHe First, with myself for Minister. How’s that Empire? From Ovr Own Bey Trovato.—Said an artistic collector to | Mr. Parwext, “ Now I'll show you « beautiful specimen of Cano | Doret.” “T wish you could have shown it me some days ago, replied the Ex-misleader of the Irish Party, ‘when I was pre , ntat ive Prime sented with a specimen of Carlow without the Dolci,’ Coox’s Tovrist Prize Jupiter Joxe.—Mem. for Travellers | contemplating a first visit to the Continent. —~ Being raw to the business, get Cook’d. Depend upon it, you won’t be ** done.”’ ‘Tue Huxprep Best Booxs,”— Punch’s Half-Yearly Volumes from the commencement, #.¢., July 17, 1841, to June 27, 1891.
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» mis 7 So i Cee ee ae PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Jury 18, 1891. SOCIAL AGONIES. / in} P i |? f j 14 gh Ml ¥ if 4 ENS GT] ee > > Fair Visitor (to Hostess). ‘‘Wuat A DELIGHTFUL CoNCERT YoU GAVE US LAST WEDNESDAY, DEAR Mrs. Jones! Such LovELY Mvei !|—svucn smart Peorte! EverRyYBopDY ONE KNOWS, You KNow!” (Mrs. Jones's Aunt Tabitha from whom she has great expectations) hears of this delightful Concert for the first time ! ‘GOOD-BYE, GRANDMAMMA!” A Leong Way after “‘ Childe Harold.’ Apiev, adieu, Old Albion’s shore ! I leave, to bound the blue. My Yacht lies yonder! "Tis a bore, But | must part from you. I sniff the brine, I love the sea ; Half Englishman am I. Farewell to England, and to thee, Dear Grandmamma—good-bye ' I leave your isle, the truth to tell, With qualitied regret. July in London would be well, jut for the heavy wet. The soaking shower, the sudden squall, Spare not Imperial ** tiles.” May it be dry when next I call, Your slushiest of isles! Yet I’ve enjoyed my visit, much, In spite of wet and wind. I with Jom» Bui have been in touch; You have been passing kind. My father and grandfather gone Once trod your city sad ; Now I the daring deed have done, And—it is not half bad. That Opera Show was quite a sight ; Your Sheriff Harrrs—well Avevustvs, after Actium’s fight, Was scarce a greater swell. The long parade, led by the Blues, Gave me the blues again. Not that the citizen were screws, No, Grand’ma, ’twas that rain ! I—ahem! blessed it fervently, Emperors must not complain ; But do, do keep your Babylon dry, When I come back again. For Garden Parties, Shows, Reviews, And civic functions pale, When water soaks the stoutest shoes, And it blows half a gale. Your Lord Mayor and his liveried lot, They know a thing or two. Speeches of course are always rot, But then—the skies were blue! As for your Crystal Palace—ah! Your pride I would not shock, But you owe much, dear Grandmamma, To Paxton and to Brock. Your warriors are fine, if few; But still, if you ask me, You leave far too much power to A Railway Company. I would not let civilians snub My paladins—no fear! But then a Teuton—there’s the rub! Is no mere Volunteer ! And now I really must be gone U the wide, wide sea. Stiff state no more shall make me groan, Hurrah for liberty ! I’m tired to death of functions fine, And ceremonial rot ; Hurrah for ease! the breezy brine Tar-toggery, and my Yacht! With yonder bark I "ll gladly brave The seas about your isle. Thanks, Grand’ma, for that kerchief wave, And that right royal smile! Welcome, ye billows, tumbling brisk Beneath a cloud-swept sky ! Give your white kerchief one more whisk, Dear Grandmamma—Good-bye! SCOTT (ANYTHING BUT) FREE. {It is human nature, after all. When conscien- tiously I cannot praise actors or actresses, or authors, they turn their backs upon me. But when conscientiously I am able to draw attention to their great merits, they simply overflow.”—Mr. CLEMENT | Scort, in The Lllustrated London News.| Untucky Mr. CLement Scorr! ; Since those who act our plays or write | them, Are so exacting that he’s got The greatest trouble to delight them. When conscience tells him not to praise They “‘turn their backs” and will not know him, When their ‘* great merits’ make him raise His voice—they ‘‘ simply overflow” him! Nore ror an Imprxtat Drany.—There were just a couple or so of real good wet days for our Imperial and Royal Highnesses. Jupiter | Pluvius ladled it out to us unstintingly in Imperial buckets full. Our Cousin German, so affectionately dutiful to ‘‘ Grandmamma,” won’t forget La Rain d’ Angleterre in a hurry. Mem. Next visit to London, bring fewer uniforms and more waterproofs an | umbrellas.
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
Jury 18, 1891.]
MR. PUNCH’S JUBILEE NUMBER.
“ \ Y Reminiscences!” said Mr. Punch, replying to a question pA a by his Interviewer, ANNo Domint E1gnTeEn-NINETY- One; “ They are already before the World, in exactly One Hundred Volumes ! y first ‘Number’ bore July 17th, 1841. My memory is indeed stored with recollections, pleasant, picturesque, pathetic, of the teeming past, memories of my joyous ‘ Table,’ of my well-beloved ‘ Young Men,’ of Great Names, of Genial Comrades, of Bright Wits, of Warm Hearts, of Famous Artists, of Clever Writers, who—in the words of the greatest of them all— * Perched round the stem Of the jolly old tree.’ ‘How well the words of the wise wit written in 1847 express our thoughts to-day, Mr. Anno Domint :— * Here let us sport | /yS, as we sit, Laughter and wit Flashing so free. Life is but short — When we are gone, Let them sing on Round the old tree. It is one of my proudest memories to recollect that Taackerar’s ; Mahogany Tree,’ was my Table.” ‘“*To have been Amphitryon to such guests must have been the most pleasant privilege of hospitality,” said Anno Domrvt. “Very true,” responded Mr. Punch, ** And of all my Deputy- Amphitryons—if I may use the term—who more fully, fitly, justly, ind genially filled the post than the earliest of them all, the kindly and judicious Mark Lewon? Had not he and clever Hevnry iyrnew, and Mr. Printer Last, and Epenezer LANDELLS, my arliest engraver, foregathered first with me in furtherance of the so = wit and whim,’ embellished with cuts and caricatures, to be called :— PUNCH; OR, THE LONDON CHARIVARI? ‘* Lemon, and Last, and MarHew, were they here to-day, would | probably agree to divide between them the early honours, as they | shared the early msibility. But doubtless Mark Lemon was the literary shaper of the ‘ Guffawgraph,’ as he jocularly called it in his ‘ Prospectus,’ and, from the first, its guiding spirit. Happily so, for his was a spirit fitted to rule, both by power, and tact, and taste. With ‘Uncle Marx’ in the chair, I knew there would be neither austere autocracy, nor fainéant laxity, neither weakness of stroke nor foulness of blow, neither Rosa-Matilda-ish mawkishness, nor | Rabelaisian coarseness. ‘* How well I remember my first group of ‘ Young Men,’ ” pursued Mr. Punch, musingly. “‘ There was swift and scathing Dovetas JERROLD, with his tossed and tangled mane of grey hair. GILBERT \nsotr ABecketr, too, the whimsically witty, the drolly satirical, the comically caustic. Herry MarHew, of course, and, a little later, | his brother Horace, the simple, lovable ‘ Powxy.’ Hexxive, New- maw and BRrve, were my earliest Artists. Henxwxrve drew the first Cartoon, whilst Newmaw and Barrve, and, later, Hive, between them, were responsible for most of the smaller cuts, head-and-tail- Evenings we knew Happy as this; Faces we miss Pleasant to see. Kind hearts and true, Gentle and just, Peace to their dust ! We sing round the tree.’
date ‘for the week ending} | pieces, pictorial puns, and s<etchy silhouettes, wherewith Punch’s earl abounded. **In the fourth Number of Punch, published on August 7th, 1841, first appeared the soon-to-be-famous signature of ‘Joun Lercn.’” “Ah! Jonn Leecn,” cried |the attentive Anno Domurnt. |“*A name to conjure with! How did that ‘Star swim into your ken’ ?” | * There was a certain clever, scholarly, and genial gentle- man,” responded Mr. Punch, \‘*who had lately published, under the pseudonym of * Paut | PRENDERGAST,’ an extremely | funny Comie Latin Grammar. |‘Pavt Prenpereast’ was, in reality, Mr. Percrvat Leion, originally a medical gentleman, the well-beloved ‘ Professor’ of later Punch days. The Comic | Latin Grammar had been | admirably illustrated by a per- sonal friend, and fellow-student, of Leten’s named Lerecu. The services of both of the contribu- tors to the Comie LatinGram- mar were soon enlisted in my interests. | ‘Another of Lercn’s medi- | cal student friends was ALBERT | Surrn, and he before long was |penning his ‘Physiology of omen Evening Parties’ (il- \lustrated by Paiz— Harnor Kyieunt Browne — Newman, and others) for my_ pages. Kenny Mrapows, Watts Puoitiipes, ALFRED ‘Crow- avuItL’ (Forrester), Jony GitBert, and others, drew also for the young Journal, the printing of which had been taken over by the Whitefriars firm of Brapscry axp Evans, with whom as proprietors and fast friends, Punch has ever since been happily associated. ** As early as my Fourth Volume,” pursued Mr. Punch,” it became i et it Peay
obvious that, in the person of ‘Our Fat Contributor,’ a certain ‘Micnart ANGeLo Titmarsn’ was writing and drawing for Punch. (Continued on Page 4.)
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FAC-SIMILE OF FIRST PAGE OF “PUNCH.” [Jury 18, 1891.) FOR THE WEEK ENDING JULY 17, 1041. THE WORAL OF PUNCH. As we , gentle public, to pass many happy hcurs in your society, adhe Ka right that you should know something of our character and intentions. Our title, at a first glance, may have misled you into a belief that we have no other intention than the amusement of a thoughtless crowd, and the collection of pence. We have a higher object. Few of the admirers of our prototype, merry Master Puwen, have looked upon his vagaries but as the practical outpourings of a rude and boisterous mitth. We have considered him as a teacher of no mean sions, and have, therefore, adopted him as the sponsor for or weekly sheet of pleasant instruction. we have seen him parading in the glories of his motley, flourishing bis baton (likeour friend Jullien at Drury-lane) in time with his own unrivalled discord, by which he seeks to win the attention and admiration of the crowd, what visions of ra puppetry have passed before our eyes! circlets, with their adornments of coloured and lustrous gems, have bound the brow of infamy as well as that of honour—a moc to both; as though virtue required a reward beyond the fulfilment of its own hi or that infamy could be cheated into the forgetfulness of its vileness by the weight around its temples! Gilded coaches have glided before us, in which sat men who thought the buzz and shouts of crowds a guerdon for the toils, the anxi- eties, and, too often, the peculations of a life. Our ears have ru with the noisy frothiness of those who have bought their fellow- men as beasts in the market- and found their reward in the sycophaney of a degraded constituency, or the patronage of a venal ministry—no matter of what creed, for party must destroy patriotism. The noble in his robes and coronet—the beadle in his gaudy livery of scarlet, and purple, and gold—the dignitary in the fulness of his pomp—the aaa in the triumph of his hollowness— these and other visual aid oral cheats by which mankind are cajoled, have passed in review before us, conjured up by the magic wand of Puncn. How we envy his philosophy, when Swatta-ba-na, that demon with the bell, besets him at every turn, almost teasing the sap out of him! The moment that his tormentor quits the scene, Puscu seems to forget the existence of his annoyance, and, carolling the mellifluous numbers of Jim Crow, or some other strain of equal beauty, makes the most of the present, regardless of the past or future ; and when S#atta-Ba-L\ fenews his persecutions, Puxcu boldly faces his enemy, and ultimately becomes the victor. All have a Saanta- BA-LA in some shape or other; but few, how few, the philosophy of Poron! We are afraid our prototype is no favourite with the ladies. Powxon is (and we reluctantly admit the fact) a Malthusian in prin- ciple, and somewhat of a domestic tyrant; for his conduct is at timcs harsh and ungentlemanly to Mrs. P. “ Eve of a land that still is Paradise, Italian beauty !’’ But as we never look for perfection in human nature, it is too much to expect it in wood. We wish it to be understood that we repudiate such principles and conduct. We have a Judy of our own, and a little Punehininny that commits innumerable improprieties ; but we y aver that we never threw him out of window, nor belaboured the lady with a stick —even of the size allowed by law. There is one portion of the drama we wish was omitted, for it always saddens us—we allude to the prison scene. Puxen, it is true, sings in duranee, but we hear the ring of the bars mingling with the song. We are advocates for the correction of offenders ; but how many generous and kindly beings are there pining within the walls of a prison, whose only crimes are poverty and misfortune! They, too, sing and laugh, and appear jocund, but the Acart can ever hear the ring of the bars. We never looked upon a lark in a cage, and heard him trilling out bis music as he sprang upwards to the roof of his prison, bur we felt sickened with the sight and sound, as contrasting, in our thought, the free minstrel of the morning, bounding as it were imto the blue caverns of the heavens, with the bird to whom the world was cireumsertbed. May the time soon arrive, when every prison shall be a palace of the mind—when we shall seck to in- Struct and cease to punish. Puxcu has y advocated educa- tion by example. at his dog Toby! The instinet of the "8 | One of them had stripped his jacket of all its buttons as a de PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 1 brute has almost germinated into reason. Man /as reason, why not give him intelligence ? We now come to the last lesson of our motley teaeher—the llows ! that accursed tree which has its root in injuries. How clearly Fonte exposes the fallacy of that dreadful law which authorises the destruction of life! Punxcn sometimes destroys the hangman: and why not? Where is the divine injunction against the shedder of man’s blood to rest? None can answer! To us there is but one disposer of life. At other times Puwett hangs the devil: this is as it should be. Destroy the principle of evil by increasing the means of cultivating the good, ot the gallows will then become as much a wonder as it is now a jest. We shall always play Puc, for we consider it best to be merry and wise— “ And laugh at all thi for we wish to know, What, after all, are alt things but a show |!" — Byron. As on the stage of Puwcn’s theatre, many characters appear to fill up the interstices of the more important story, so our pases will be interspersed with trifles that have no other object than moment s appro tion—an end which will never be sought for at the expense others, beyond the evanescent smile of a harmless satire. COMMERCIAL INTELLIGENCE, Ture is a report of the stoppage of one of the most respectable hard- bake houses in the metropolis. The firm had been speculating consider- ably in ‘+ Prince Albert’s Rock,"’ and this is said to have been the rock they have ultimately split upon. The boys will be the greatest sufferers, it on some tom-trot, which the house had promised to supply on the following day; | and we regret to say, there are whispers of other transactions of a similar character. Money has been abundant all day, and we saw a half-crown piece and some halfpence lying absolutely idle in the hands of an individual, who, if he had only chosen to walk with it into the market, might have produced a very alarming effect on some minor description of securities. tries were taken very freely at twopence a pound, and Spanish (liquoriée) at 6 shade lower than yesterday. has been a most disgusting glut of tallow all che week, which has had an alarming effect on dips, and thrown a still further gloom upon rushlights. The late diseassions on the timber duties have brought the match market into a very unsettled state, and Congreve lights seem destined to undergo a still further depression. This state of things was rendered worse towards the close of day, by a large bolder of the last-named article unex- pectedly throwing an immense quantity into the market, which went off rapidly. SOMETHING WARLIKE. Maxy of our readers must be aware, that in pantomimie pieces, the usual mode of making the audience acquainted with anything that cannot be clearly explained by dumb-show, is to exhibit a linen scroll, on which is painted, in large letters, the sentence necessary to be known. It so hap- pened that a number of these scrolls had been thrown aside after one of the grand spectacles at Astley’s Amphitheatre, and remained amongst other lumber in the property-room, until the late destructive fire which occurred there. On that night, the wife of one of the stage-assistants—a woman of portly dimensions—was aroused from her bed by the alarm of fire, and in her confusion, being unable to find her proper habiliments, laid of one of these scrolls, and wrapping it around her, hastily rushed into the street, and presented to the astonished spectators an extensive back view, with the words, ‘‘Bomeanp ree Crrapex,” inscribed in legible characters upon her singular drapery. HUME’S TERMINOLOGY. Home is so annoyed at Lis late defeat at Leeds, that he vows he will never make use of the word Tory again as long as he lives. Indeed, he proposes to expunge the term from the English , and to substitute that which is applied to his own party. In writing to a friend, that ‘‘after the inflammatory character of the of the Cariton Club, it is quite super- erogatory for me to state (it being notorious) that all conciliatory measures will be rendered nugatory,”’ be thus expressed himself :—*‘ After the in- flammawhig character of the orawhig of the nominees of the Cariton Club, it is quite supererogawhig for me to state (it being nowhigous) that all conciliawhig measures will be rendered nugatwhig.”’ NATIVE SWALLOWS. A conresPonpent to one of the daily papers has remarked, that there is an almost total absence of swallows this summer in England. Had the writer been present at some of the election dinners lately, he must have confessed that a greater number of active swallows has rarely been congregated in any one year. LORD MELBOURNE To “ puRCH.”’ My pean Poncu,—Seeing ia the “ Court Circular” of the Aforning Herald an account of a General Goblet as one of the guests of her Majesty, 1 beg to state, that till I saw that announcement, I was not aware of doy other general gobble i¢ than a at the Palace. ours, truly, Mutpounse. At
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Jury 18, 1891.
Yes, the lion! THACKERAY had joined the Table, and = thenceforth for many years he illumined my) of excellent work had voluntarily withdrawn from the Table, owing peace with his) to certain religious scruples, not wholly unconnected with the sub- een wit and ripe | ject of his successor’s first ‘ Big Cut.’ wisdom, his grace-| ‘‘ Another member of my little army about this time was GrorcE ful prose, his) Sitver, and my next recruits were the polished and witty Surrey polished verse,| Brooxs, and, one who was to develop into the greatest master of and his charac-| Black-and-White Art this country has produced, Cuartes KEEne iif teristic pictures, | to wit, our dear, picturesque, unsophisticated ‘Cato,’ lost to the iii) “The frontis-| Table— an irreparable loss !—but a few months ago. NP oar) to Volume; * At the opening of Volume XX VII. for the second half of the year = SS £ 1843) was by | 1854, you will observe, Mr. Anno Domrnt, a Picture by Jonny ae SS, Ricwarp Doy.e, a| TENNIEL (reproduced above), in which the then existing Staff of s plain foreshadow- | Punch are humorously sketched. They are engaged in somewhat — = ing =. Se cele- | _— Hoop’s never-to-be-forgotten ‘Song of the Shirt.’ It is one of Mr.| background Jonw TENNTEL is sketching the Good Knight P chi > Punch’s pleasantest Reminiscences that this gentle genius, this true upon a wall, whilst in the immediate foreground eum Latin, — | poet, contributed this famous masterpiece to his pages. | a hobby-horse, is leaping over an easel These were the chi idug “The scholarly, accomplished, and warm-hearted Tom Tartor|* Young Men’ at thistime. In front of the tent are t : Te. was the pout to Jone C= Tate, and pe ae ee {2 ae 2, one in a black, the other ina white, hat. The first iY — admirably illustrated by DorLe, made their mark, id later his | Brapsv second is * "E , i iends’ F Cagostestes . ~~ In Volume XVL. Pract hy Luton ame | of vy ag ~ ae | menced his ‘Mr. Pres, his Diary, or, Manners and Customs of y ** In 1856 ituary noti i Englyshe in 1849,’ characteristically illustrated by Ricnarp Doris | one of its a Nery va ge _—] eo at his graphic best. The same year was remarkable for the appear- | on June 8th, in the following year, the boding black Sole on — ance of Lercn’s most delightful character, the simple-minded, | * In Memoriam’ of Dovetas ERROLD. Ah, me, Mr. ANNO apest-conin, pee a i worm or _~ 1 — the jingling of the cap-and-bells, howsoever merrily it may Lng 2 connection with e Pleasures o usekeeping,’ t SO - i i imi | a A a apiece eae ‘The frontispiece to Volume XIX., for the second half of the year; ‘“‘ Volume XXXIX. for 1860 saw the artistic advent of th i 7 ) Sontag ‘olun gt XXIX. e Societ AI EE ER a bappily . : is me pride of Mr. Punch and the delight of the | my Table, wes extinct by the ee od - yd | ht fin’ gue hat a6 bole bine hd short notice, the place of Ricuarp Dorie, who after many years ** The very first page of my Volume for 1864, Mr. ANwo Dory,
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— Jury 18, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI a 5 recorded a great, a grievous, an irreparable loss to me and to the world. Witt14aM Makepeace Taackeray, the greatest of my con- tributors, had gone for ever from my Table. Anda little later—only a little later—in my Number for November 12th, 1864, appeared an obituary notice—alas the day !—of the great, the genial, the loved, the lamented Joun Leecn. ‘‘In the Volumes for this year, 1865, appear for the first time the fanciful, ingenious, elaboratel symbolical designs of CHARLES H. Bexynetr, who unhappil did not long enrich my pages with his facile execution and singular subtlety of fancy. He died on the and April. His place at my Table was soon after taken by Luyiey 5A MBOURNE, ‘* On the 23rd May, 1870, he who had sat at the head of my Table ever since its first establishment, ‘ who wrote the first article in this Journal, who from its establishment had been its conductor,’ left empty the chief seat at my board. “*Tf this Journal has had the good fortune to be credited with habitual ulvocacy of truth and justice, if it has been ised for abstention from the less worthy kind of satire, if it has been tru by those who keep guard over the purity of womanhood and of youth, we, the best witnesses, turn for a moment from our sorrow to bear the fullest and the most willing testimony that the high and noble spirit of Manx Lemon ever prompted generous championship, ever made unworthy onslaught or irreverent jest impossible to the pens of those who were honoured in being coadjutors with him. “This, Mr. Awwo Domrnt, was the high and merited tribute which the spokesman of his surviving colleagues paid to the beloved memory of Mark Lemon. ‘‘Sarretey Brooxs succeeded him in the editorial chair, which he | filled fittingly and faithfully for—alas!—only four years. In 1874 I lost my second Editor. Tom Taytor was his successor, taking up with the Editorship, the extraction of that weekly ‘ Essence of Parlia- ment,’ so long and so delightfully distilled by the deceased Chief. ‘** Meanwhile, on April 30th, 1872, Horace Mayruew, had departed from our midst. A little later the Table received a further accession in the person of Artuun Witt1am ABecxett, (‘Mr. Brieriess Junior,’) son of that Grtsert Apsorr ABeckett who was one of my earliest ‘Stars.’ His brother, a second Grusert ABrckertrt, took his seat at the Table a few years later. In Volume LXVIII. for 1875, | E. J. Mottrkew made his first appearance as a Punch Writer. The Author of the ’Agry papers, ‘Cuitpe Cuappte’s Pilgrimage,’ &c., joined my Table two years later. * On the my third Editor, left that honourable post vacant, after occupying it with eredit and distinction for six years. Mr. F. C. BuRNnanp, author of ‘Happy Thoughts,’ &c., reigns in his stead. 12th July, 1880, another great loss befel me. Tom Taytor, R. F. | SKETCHLEY, who had a seat at my Board for several years, resigned it a little later. “*The same year, 1880, saw the introduction of a new Artist, in the person of Harry Furniss; and the next introduced Heyny W. Lucy, the ‘Tony’ of Mr. Punch’s remodelled Essence of | Parliament. ‘In 1887, the appearance of ‘ Mr. Punch's Manual for Young Reciters,’ gave evidence of the fact that the Author of Vice Versd, Mr. F. Anstey bad joined my Table. He, with R. C. Lenwann, Author of * Modern ypes,’ &c., and E. G. keep, the Artist, are the very latest additions thereto. That Table has, within the last two | years, sustained yet two other losses: Percrva Lion, last survivor |of the ‘Old Guard,’ dying on 24th October, 1889, whilst, early in the poonet year, the inimitable Cuantes Keene, universally ac- nowledged to be the greatest master of ‘ Black-and- White’ technique who ever put pencil to wood-block, was taken away from me. **Merely to mention all the bright pens and pencils which have occasionally contributed to my es, would occupy much space. Amongst Writers may be named Macurw Hannay, Sriniine Coyne, Coventry Patmore, Mortimer Coiiis, Groner Aveustus SaLa, Ayprew Lane, James Payyn, and Lord Tennyson; amongst | Artists, Howarp (whose signature, a trident, was at one time | familiar to Punch readers), Miss Bowers, Rarston, Bryan, Bar- warp, W. 8. Grisert (who illustrated several of his own articles), ConsovuLp, Catpgcort, Riviére, H. 8. Marks, Frep WALKER, Sir Joun MiLiats, and Sir Frepericx Lerenton. “The present Staff, Mr. Axwo Domm1, you may see assembled ‘round the old Tree’ in the accompanying Cartoon. Around on the walls are the counterfeit presentments of their illustrious and honoured predecessors. My guests, you ive, are drinking a toast. That toast is, ‘ Mr. Punch, his hea th and Jubilee !’” **In which I am delighted to join!” responded Anno Domrnt. | ** Mr. Punch, you must be as proud of rest * Mahogany Tree,’ and | its many memories, as King Anruvr of his Table Round,” “ ¢ Por dear to ARTHUR was that hall of ours, As having there so oft with all his Knights Feasted,’ ” uoted the Sage, musing 2eeply of many things. Knights have ‘ gone before,’ but they have not “* Left me gazing at a barren board.’ ‘* Their monograms are carven on this Table, their memories abide with us as we drink to Punch’s Jubilee, and will abide when, as I | hope, yet another fifty years hence, our successors drink with equal heartiness to Punch’s Centenary!” \\ a bes! Many of my T. Taylor. Shirley Brooks. Du Maurier.
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Jouy 18, 1891. PAST AND PRESENT. . ws .¥ . 4 a) +m | i iy hes i) - ” hh ar san hi 1 i nn a whl \\y ‘ Waa «? “ZN ilk we an Uy IN THE EIGHTIES. IN THE NINETIES.
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— © a viae Pre —— Vere reuege tenses abil : . re | Pe Jk ae ee @ 5” —_.-* »* ‘yf ae =a thr teeael | FIT ; / . ; a ; ‘ v, 3 x . , ae Tess , if \ S 5 Yj. a) eee: ) ee | S Ht se HlfiiSSNE aaa sii ff Pa MAY It OTA AMM ATM Ss raat Wi) ‘ N\ Wy / /, / i} jl! f “THE MAH \\\ a © ; qn cM an j < ! ~ = WS” so ‘as ars “< \\ NX f\ : MDOERINS ee = \ eal » aha aan Ped \ — * : \
'*% ay \ N\\ . \ \\ _ _@oh Lg 47 ee \\ Puxcn, on Toe Loxpow (Cnarrvant. |
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(Jer 18, 1891,
ain WHI i MH Ip i AIH! i iW" Ve ih a IK Y (I) | Ih Sat e. ~ e< =z ~< J A m7 rn
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MR. PUNCH’S J@§LE (AS REFLECTED IN MAGI >
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IVARL—Juty 18, 1891. LEE PAGEANT. MAGIC MIRROR.)
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SEO CES OMIT i
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~ ES uae ee Aw \ \. WON WN)\ WANT = 3 \ AN WH Ann’ ‘ t \y VOY AY \\ haa OAR N\A Net 7] yf) if al « ey. Wun Wadi W\yf ii, Want ANM 4, ) i Lip iliy e7, x AT i I lh Wy L Ge. SES a Hy fl WAN, i ng | MN" | arntsetermetiy 10 a i) Ai, wy Gnnnnmngnisanyially ; Me i Cite BR hed Hs | wdlded ya! | “—— Fi MM 11) ry MLN Wi Mn Hf } | a — — — — =—— hI alt t Pip] / AP Tianna say = sy h ' my & : 7 vy, Vi f 7 | HWA \ \ { - : \\aa AY NN Yj ,, \\ \ \\\ \ — J * wh hd, — Te Fy Ue NS S"= SZZgt BE Ly VS“ = Vio yy ps MWY ~ oo
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Jury 18, 1891,
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, July 14th, 1891. is i ual. O_p MorauitY in seat of Leader of the House; Mr. G. opposite ; | SpeAKER in Chair; Sergeant-at-Arms on guard by the door; and Wixyppac Sexton on his feet. Brings back to my mind the first time I saw House. Wasn’t in the House then; a mere puppy, which, indeed, some say I remain to this day. The date was August the 19th, 1841, and from seat where Strangers were admitted in the old House (the tem- porary building —~ e, SelM SS |) JN Ye me y,. ~ } = “ The Sphinx is Silent,” 1876. Grau at his right elbow. In modest retirement at the end of the Bench sat a young man, of full height, and good figure, with a mass of black hair crowning a large, well-shaped head. Remember noticing how carefully the hair was ed down the middle, in a fashion then unusual with men. His face was pleasant to look upon, . 7 Oe? AF % Lm ‘ . i ~ even mild in its expression ; but from time to time, more particu- larly when he spoke, there flashed from beneath his dark and 7 eyebrows a pair of eyes that shone like stars. This was the Mr. G. of those days, whose highest Ministerial office, as yet, had been the Things going on here much | Under-Secretary. h'p for the Colonies, held for a few months six Rapidly winding up Session amid familiar surroundings. | years earlier. Big House on this first night, as Houses were counted then, when the number of Members was considerably less. First business was to choose Speaker. Suaw-Lerevre (not the Member for Bradford, but a forbear) had been SPEAKER in last Parliament; re-elected now, PEEL, who, by the lifting of a finger, could have put his own nominee in the Chair, graci- ously consenting. Of all who filled the House on that night, only two have seats in the present Parlia- ment—Mr. G., and the humble person who, by favour of the Electors of Bark- shire, is permitted to pen these lines. CuristorHer Tavpot, then represented Glamorganshire, but he just failed to live into this Jubilee time.) Yet, when I look round on the Benches now, I see a score of men who bear the names, and are, in many cases, descendants, of Members who sat in the Parliament that will ever have a place in history, if only because it was born in the same year, almost in the same month, as Mr. Punch. There was a Tuomas Dyke ACLAND, representing Devonshire ; there were two Sement one representing Devizes, and the other, : EDWARD, sitting for Grimsby, as Epwarp — a HeneaGkE sits to-day for the same borough. W. E. G.,” 1860. There was a Bortuwick, Member for Evesham. There was a PHitie Stannore, Member for Hertford. Sransreip sat for Huddersfield, and Marsorreanks for Hythe, a Lawson for Knaresborough, a Beckett for Leeds, a Curtpers for Malton, a Manwers for Newark- upon-Trent, having a certain WmiuM Ewart GLapstone for colleague. He was the Lord Jony, well known to students of poetry, who now wears a Ducal coronet. f course there was a Smirn, Vernon by Christian name, a i FUG |) oe “ The Colossus of Words,” 1879. Member for Northampton ; a HovLpswornu representing Nottingham- shire, a Mactean for Oxford, a Harcovrr for Oxfordshire—nay, in this happy Parliament there were two Harcourts, GRANVILLE Harcourt Vines sitting for East Retford. A Vivian sat for
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— Jury 18, 1891.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ———— —_—— MR. PUNCH KEEPS HIS EYE ON CRICKET. ' = Peal ORY |! J pb b a — a THEN (1841) and NOW (1891). Penrhyn—Hossey Vivian’s father, Joun Henry, sat in the same | Heaven he had no gestures. The O'Connor Dow whom Members Parliament for Swansea. Lord Esrineton sat for Plymouth, and | ounger than I remember as he sat above the Gangway in the Par- Cartes Rossett for Reading. Ormspy Gore re nted North | liament of 1874, then represented Roscommon. But for the most | Shropshire, long a possession of his family. The Markiss o’ | part the Irish Members of those days were Earls, Viscounts, Knights, | Granby sat for Stamford, with a CLark for colleague. Freperticx | Baronets, Honourables and Right Honourables. _ VILirers (not ~[—paas Father) kept the name green at Sudbury,| There were, on the Motion for the Address, big debates in both and there was a WynpHAM for Sussex. The Henry Lanovcnenre | Houses on this particular night, when I first saw the Speaker in of those less lively days sat for Taunton, and Sir Rosert Peet, our! wig and gown. The fate of the Ministry could scarcely be said Speaker’s father, for Tamworth. There was a Hayter, Goop- | to hang in the balance; they knew they were doomed. In the Lords ENovcH for Wells, one LowrHer represented Westmoreland, and | the shrift was short. Not too late for dinner, their Lordships divided : another York. A Watter Lone sat for North Wilts, Srvanrt | ‘‘ Contents 96, Not Contents 168,” majority against Government 72. Wort ey sat for the West Riding, and James Durr for Banffshire. | I well remember Coventry’s speech; worth reciting as a model for We had a Batrour for Haddington, and Lord Datweny of that | these later days. He followed Lanspownr, and House wanted to day, happier than the present head of the family, sat in the | hear Norrmampron. When Coventry presented himself, fearful Commons for Inverkeithing, a place long since swept off the elee-|row kicked up. He stood there till silence partially restored, toral board. These surnames, with one or two others I can’t recall—|then he said in deep voice, as who should say *‘My name is yes, there was a Datrymp_e for Wigtonshire—are familiar on the | Norval,’’- Roll of Parliament to-day. “Tam Lord Coventry. A few words from me. I think the | Amongst the prominent Members of this country is in a safe state, and | hope to | Parliament I remember Rogsvuck sitting find it placed in the hands of the Duke | for Bath; and Pakryeton—then plain Jouy all unconscious of the coming marvel of a Ten Minutes’ Reform Bill—for Droit- | wich. Srratrorp Canntne had a seat for King’s Lynn, and Monckton Mityes was Member for Pomfret. Jonn Bricut was not inthe House, but Ricnarp CoppEn sat for Stockport, and there was an acidulous person, then known as Ratpa Bernat, who sat for Wycombe. We knew Bernat Osporne in many later Parliaments. Curious to think how Ireland at this epoch belonged to the classes! Danret O'CoNNELL was just in his prime, and in addition to himself returned three of his name. Smira O’Brren was yet far off the cabbage garden, and Henry Grattan sat for Meath. There is a living image of him now among the busts in the corridor leading out of the Octagon Hall; a fiery dramatic pee in the House, who, as someone said of him at the time, used in his passion to throw up his arms, bend over till he touched the floor with his finger-nails, and thank of Wettrveton. My Lords, I hope I have | not detained you.’ Then he sat down. Inthe Commons, debate lasted four days ; majority against Government 91. The Laser of 1841 spoke at length, and was followed by Mr. D’Israrwi (he spelt it with an apostrophe in those days): a good Disraclian ring about the last sentence of his speech. “The House,” he said, ‘‘ ought now to act as it had been acted upon in times when Parliament was unreformed, when Daysy found himself in a dungeon, and Srrarrorp on a scaffold. Now the Whigs hold office by abusing the confidence of the Sovereign, and defying the authority of Parliament.” After him came the still budding Rersan Osporne, Cartes Napier, Rorsvck, Jonwxre Revessetr, fighting to the last with his back to the wall; Conpexs, Hewry Grattraxy, Pam, Mriwer Gissox, O'Connett, Pret, and Colonel SipTHorP. —EEE
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[JuLy 18, 1891, -UNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. Why Wu; \ ar A 4 Sy) = - Rs st a os Pyuncy PRESENTING Ye--TENTH- 7 (1848.) al FROM W. M. THACKERAY TO MR. PUNCH. (FEBRUARY, 1849.) Me. Puxcn,—‘t When the future inquirer shall take up your volumes, or a bundle of French plays, and contrast the performance of your booth with that of the Parisian theatre, he won't fail to remark how different they are, and what different objects we admire or Sir, it does not become me to compliment you on it before your venerable face ; but permit me to'say, lished in this world so many volumes that contained so much cause for laughing, and so little for blushing ; so many jokes, and so little harm. Why, Sir, say even that your modesty, which astonishes me more and more every time | regard you, is caleulated, and not a virtue naturally inherent in you, that very fact would argue for the high sense of the public morality among us. We will laugh in the company of our wives and children; we will tolerate no indecorum: we like that our matrons and satirise. As for your morality that there never was before pub girls should be pure.” ~ ‘““ON WE GOES. AGAIN!”
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jout 18 1601, THE KING OF PHYSICIANS, PURE AIR, ——= =~ JEOPARDY OF LIFE.—THE GREAT DA NOBR OF Vr YITIATED in venial , tgneiinse of all sani laws. WHER
the vice nor agra rulers cou! accoun col reaponaible for their us rop © yA A breathi fi tes and half, CES = Reo par om neil y A Ay - ont blood : "ast © geled "Pt eed mee calesea eT =~ wn remedy ; it femoves fetid ot wy Anns matter (the groundwork of disease) from the blood tural mean, al io “ dep per condition. Use ENOS “FRUIT SALT I te pleasant, Cocting, aad
ression, and restores the nervous system to its a A - we > You cannot overstate its great value in keeping the Biod pure and free from disease, c = ["?FLve .—-Insthiietions: attacked with influenza or feverish cold, lie in bed for three or four days in & =e & SS ; & good re, take ENO'S “ FRUIT SALT” freely, and ENO'S “ VEGETABLE MOTO” as Pr hem we = Y @ few days the marked symptoms will pass away. Asa Preservative of Nervous Force, or a Recuperative Diet ase Beniaea wy oe = ‘) 22 greatest care to ave ey * . = se OTHER SALINES.—“ Dear Sir,—Having been in the habit of ‘PRUIT SALT’ for y : b. of 72 Mt gp RS only right to tell you I consider it a most invaluable medicine, and far su “it's I : a\>” a tried. I am never without a bottle of it in the house, as I find it possesses three most desirable @ "te bree rg 4 myptly Waves ho unpleasant after- effects. 1.do not wish my name to appear, but, a from : blieation of det, hii eve.2v) to make tise of this testimonial if it is of servies, Devonsaine Lint. —3 a. = "asta “ _ 1=""A bbe liwention HE SECRET OF SUCCESS. Sterling Honesty Pibbdie. “Witiech | we 4 is Drovight before the A pcmn Toes none ‘is success. A score of abominable —. are ited rom Sates tae by th p BM me | an ingenwity ee s% ery in co dere Yds eceive the pu ae i in the origina 1. ec ide not fail te stcuré is febatatd tae dl CAUTION. —Examine each Bottle, and see mr 8 —— is marked ENO'S UIT SALT.” Without it you have been imposed on by a mM imation. OF ALL caemists. PREPARED _ONLY AT ENO'S “FRUIT SALT" WORKS, LONDON, SE, BY J, G ENO'S PATENT,
: J nalit & Ou. PUREST. SAFEST. BEST. NO SODA OR POTASH. “An ideal Soap, delightfully perfumed.”—Chemist and Druggist. “Of unquestionable excellence, and much in fayour with the profession.’ '—British Medical Journal. “No free alkalies, odour delieate, and the article of excellent quality.’ *— Lancet, “Excellent from its purity, lathers freely, and is very lasting.” Queen. Gd., 8d., 10d., and 2s. Gd. per Tadlet. WARNING. ae 66 Imitations are alkaline.” mm EXTRACT g- FOR ren So MENS PREPARING the PUREST, and IMPROVING SOUPS, SAUCES, Wiehe“ CHEAPEST, and BEST BEEF TEA GRAVIES, and ENTREES. a ~* at a MOMENT’S NOTICE. Perfect ell» ne i absolutely rea CADBURY'S COCOA ABSOLUTELY PURE tTtHererore BEST. ““The name Cadbury on any packet of Cocoa or Chocolate is a guarantee of purity.” <=MEDICAL ANNUAL.
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jv iy 18, 1891, GTREETER and COMPY'S SPECIALITIES — | DP/Amonps, “white, and modern cut, RUBIES of the pigeon’s blood colour, . e+ | NICOLL. | SAPPHIRES of the true blue colour, PEARLS of the finest lustre, RARE and CURIOUS GEMS, . STREETERS’ DIAMONDS, RUBIES, and SAPPHIRES, WEDDING and ‘other GIFTS of lasting value, From £5 upwards. . QUALITY of STONES cannot be surpassed. PRICES consistent with reliable value. JEWELS MOUNTED in 18-carat GOLD. 8 _—~- STREETER & COMP., i8, NEW BOND ST., W., LONDON. In answer to numerous leticrs for Mr. E. Precious Stones and Gems,” we f Mu hapter on the ** Ru’ W. Srreerer’s Work on vy,” will be ready shortly. MOUNTED in ail the NOVELTIES OF THE DAY for | heq to say that the 5th edition, with an OUTFITTER, LADIES’ TAILOR to the ROYAL FAMIL) 114 to 120, REGENT STREET, AND | 22, CORNHILL, LONDON. | PARIS: 29 & 31, RUE TRONCHET. 10, MOSLEY ST., MANCHESTER. 39, NEW ST., BIRMINGHAY 50, BOLD STREET, LIVERPOOL. NOVELTIES FOR SUMMER AND TRAVELLING WEAR. | GENTLEMEN. Suitixcs from £3 3s., in an extensive selection of new rough-textum | materials, for Sporting and Travelling wear. | * Coatryes, Overcoatines, and Trovserines of the best manufacture, Nicow.’s world-famed Overcoats, for all Seasons and Climates, Ever description and size kept in stock, including the new Racing Coat. , LADIES. Messrs, Nicout invite the favour of a visit to inspect their late for Racing and Travelling wear, Cares, &c. Spécialité Riptno Hasirs and Pareyt Skirt, with which dragging i j absolutely impossible. Borys’ Garments a Spécialité, from good durable materials at very moderate prices. PIESSE & LUBIN’S SWEET SCENTS HAVE BEEN ADVERTISED IN “PUNCH” FOR NEARLY SO YEARS. & from >. every flower that “ t 8 a fragrance \ SWEET SCENTS) LOXOTIS OPOPONAX FRANGIPANNI os May be obtained ¢ Of any Chemist or so, erfumer. sy 4 > . Vz Fong stree* “a PIESSE & LUBIN’S EXQUISITE SOAPS TOILET POWDERS &c, HAVE BEEN ADVERTISED IN “PUNCH” FOR NEARLY SO YEARS. CHOCOLAT ~ MENIER. ‘FOR BREAKFAST. Awarded Prize Medals AT ALL EXHIBITIONS. Daily Consumption, 50 Tons productions for Summer and Travelling wear in Costumes, JACKETs, Crondy , SOLD RETAIL EVERYWHERE. 4
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a eee ee PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Juty 18, 1891.
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Juiy | AFTER outlay by stall for freely ; lower, a irritatin, in the a made for is somew last but to be on his way in the embrace easier,” chest ca: will be * lame of a gent of irrep of my a though | of invis sheathec | myself, | to defen | nately o | for the | should | | Tout va At O grand ; diploma to tell | that it i me is 1 here, nm known, recogni: A stock belongi: some gi tively, costume Every say to n | Isn’t it it, it we way to | salutes | it ’s—w
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Jury 18, 1891.} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 33 IMPERIAL AND OPERATIC. Arrer considerable calculation as to re-imbursement for present outlay by a consistent course of future economy, I a six-guinea stall for the Emprror’s state visit to the ra. ‘*Court dress” being “ indispensable,” I decided to summon to my aid the well-known amateur theatrical costumier, DatHan & Co. DaTHAN sees at a glance what I want. He measures me with his eye. ‘* Co.” in waiting is dispatched to bring down two or three Court suits. In less than ten minutes I am perfectly fitted, that is, in DaTHan’s not entirely disinterested but still highly artistic opinion, with which ‘‘ Co.” unhesitatingly agrees. For my own part, as a mere lay-figure, I should have preferred the continuations being a trifle less tight round the knee; also if the coat were a little easier about the shoulders, and not quite so baggy in the back I should breathe more freely; and, while we are on: the subject, the might be lower, as it is in close proximity to the lobes of my ears and irritatingly tickles me. e white waistcoat — ‘‘ well,’”’ as ‘* Co.,” in the absence of DaTHan, rapturous! y observes, ‘‘ might ha’ been made for yer!” “It might,” true: but it certainly wasn’t, as it is somewhat long, and there’s a little shyness ‘on the part of the last button but one in meeting the button-hole with which it ought to be on the best possible terms. But sharp-eyed little ‘‘ Co.’ sees his way out of the difficulty ; he hoists up the collar, he adjusts pins in the back, and, in a second, button and hole are in each other’s embrace. ‘The coat-collar ean be taken in and done for—“‘ nothing easier,” says the undaunted Co.—and the part across my manly chest can be let out,—of course not a difficulty, as the whole suit, will be “* let out”’ for the evening. I am generally satisfied with my appearance in the glass as a portrait of a gentleman in re , but I feel that any display of emotion, even of irrepressible loyalty, would probably be disastrous to some portion of my attire. The Court sword, too, is rather embarrassing, and, though Co. has adroitly fixed it for me by some mysterious process of invisible arrangement, yet, when I shall be left alone with the sheathed weapon, and have to do all this buckling and hitching for myself, I feel sure that that sword, which is only worn on the left to defend the right, will give me no inconsiderable trouble. Fortu- nately our washerwoman’s husband, who comes late on a Wednesday | for the linen, is a retired sergeant, and knows how this sort of thing should be done. He will assist in arming me for the operatic fray. | Tout va bien. | where in the City, but not much anywhere else, and at At Opera, Wednesday Night, July 8.—Grand sight. Very grand; not only that, but beautiful. Costumes, uniforms, military, Tiglenatie,-olt tite. the real article and the Dathanic,—impossible to tell one from the other, taking them as a lot; but still, I feel that it is better to remain in my Stall, where only the upper part of me is visible to the unclothed eye. The consciousness that I am here, not as myself, but in disguise as somebody else, name un- known, rather oppresses me ; only at first, however, as very soon I recognise a number of familiar faces and figures all in strange array. A stockbroker or two, a few journalists, several ordinary people belonging to various callings and professions, some others noble, some gentle, some simple, but most of us eyeing each other fur- tively, and wondering where the deuce the other fellow got his costume from, and what right he has to wear it. Every moment I expect some gaily attired person to come up and say to me confidentially, ‘‘ I know that suit ; I wore it last so-and-so. Isn’t it a trifle tight about the shoulders? Beware! when I wore it, it went a bit in the back.’”’ Man in gorgeous uniform makes his way to the vacant Stall next tome. I am a bit flustered until he salutes me heartily with—‘* How d’ye do? How are you?” Why, it’s—well, no matter who it is. I have met him everywhere for years; we are the best of friends. I know he is something some- events ¢ is no more a military man than I am a courtier, but when he confides to me that he was once upon a time in the Dampshire Yeomanry, and that this uniform has served him for years, and —_ wasommenly well at night though it wouldn’t bear the light | W | of day I begin to comprehend the entire scene. My friend—we will call him Tommy Tucker (for I have frequently | encountered him at supper, and am aware of his capacity)—is full of | | | information. Some of our neighbours of an inquiring turn are asking one another who that is, and who this is, and so forth ; and when the answers are incorrect, or even before the answers can be given, Towuy Tucker has replied in a low voice, with a view to im general information gratis, that So-and-So, in scarlet ver, 18 Mr. Biackstowe, of BLackstone & Sons, head of the Coal Mer chant vin; het Go map in Wosead os ver, Con the Big Cab attaché, ist qt yt UNNUMS % i © eyor ; and that the war e person, with a jingling sabre, is not a Prussian officer, but is Deputy Jowes, in the gorgeous uniform of the Old Buckshire Yeomanry ; and when he ’s in the City, where he began in the usual way that millionnaires always do begin, by sweep- jing out an office, he is simply Jones, of Messrs. Brown, Jones | Rosrwsow & Co., Wharfingers. Toumy TuckER knows every bod ,and | everything about everybody, too. Who is that lady with a spacadid | tiara of diamonds ?—that is the Duchess of Burtineror, “ who” — and here, in a semi-whisper, intended for everybody's information, | he tells how those brilliants come out for “ one night only,” and how they will be called for to-morrow morning by a confidential agent from Porsnorrrr’s Establishment in the Great Loan Land. Tom Tucker is full of these stories. There isn’t a person he doesn’t know, until happening to recognise here a one and there a one, I correct him of my own private and personal knowledge, when he frankly admits that Iam right; and after casually explaining how he does occasionally mistake the Countess of Dunnorer for Lady ExizaneTu Martin, he goes off at a tangent, and picks out several other distinguished- . looking person- es, numbering them as “* first to right,”’ ‘‘ second to lett,” and so forth, as if in a collection of wax-works, giv- ing to each one of them a name and a history. His acquaintance with the private life of the aris- tocracy and the plutocracy is so extensive that I ean only wonder at hisknowledge, or marvel at his wondrous powers of ready inven- tion. So it goes on. Then enter the chief characters. All rise; the orchestra plays the ‘* National Anthem,” in | German, I su ypose, out of compliment to our ‘Imperial visitors ; } and anevents in English (translated, and, I fancy, ‘ trans- | posed’), in honour of IRE. the Prince and Princess. All the | wax-work figures form in a row, under the direction of Lord Chamberlain Larnom ; the machinery is put in motion; they all | bow to the audience; g s are riveted on them; everybody is craning and straining to get a good view ; the people in the gallery and just over the Royal Box loyally enjoy the scene, being quite unable to see any of the distinguished persons who are, in this instance, |** quite beneath their notice.” And then Signor MANCINELLI turns | his back on everybody, and gets to business. | After this, I feel that a buckle, somewhere or other, has turned | traitor, and inventing an excuse with a readiness worthy of Tommy Tucker himself, I suddenly, but cautiously, retire. I descend the grand staircase between two rows of beefeaters reclining drowsily at their ease. Fast asleep, some of ’em, after too much beef. Imagine myself a prisoner, in disguise of course, escaping from the Tower in the olden time. Then, fearing the collapse of another buckle or button, or the sudden “ giving”’ of a seam, I steal cautiously past the Guards—then past serried ranks of soldiers under the colonnade— then—once more in the street of Bow, and I am free! I breathe e | V Birds that can sing, but wouldn’t sing, and couldn't be made to sing, at Covent Garden, Wednesday, July 8. A again. ; Hie thee home, my gallant steed (an eighteenpenny fare in a han- som), and let me resume the costume of private life, trifle with a cutlet, drain the goblet and smoke the mild havannah. Sie transit gloria (Signed.) (Mysteriously.) Tae Duke or Dis Guise. P.S.—Although there was more money in the house than on any vious occasion, yet never did I see no — | persons |who had ‘come in with orders,” which they displayed lavishly, wearing them upon their manly buzzums. Men in Possession. Tae Manager of Covent Garden is Sheriff Hanns. Can all his —- all over the house be correctly termed *' Sheriff's
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evi ~e & ao wi MLE DOTY yy t \ ma { 4 ety ) ' nil fad ' tw ae \i 1) allo Da We ib a rg & ® \ “Treg balan THE GERMAN EMPEROR’S VISIT. SxetTcues on THE Spor. By our own Gai_y Cuarric ARTIST.
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JuLY 18, 1891.]} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. IMPERIAL IMPRESSIONS. Tuat they are not accustomed to ultra punctuality in the arrival | of steam-yachts at Port Victoria. That some one ought to catch it for not looking after the water-pipes | in the State dining-room. : : , That it is rather trying to have to remain dignified with your boots in three inches of water. That the Eton Volunteers are just the sort of boys to follow the tradition of the past, and win a second Waterloo. That still it was a little awkward to have to review them in the pauses of a thunderstorm. ! That the wedding as a wedding was not bad, but a couple of hundred thousand troops or so posted as a guard of honour, would have made it more oe That Buckingham Palace is rather triste, when it is populated on the seale of one inhabitant to the square mile. That Covent Garden Opera House, decorated with leagues of flower wreaths, is the finest sight in the world. That Sheriff Avevsrvs Grossop Haxnris deserves a dukedom, and, if he were a German, should have it. That one State Ball is like every other, but still it was very well done on Friday. That the visit to the City was an entire success (although I wish the audience had made up their minds whether they would stand up . ae I was speaking), thanks no doubt to the influence of the Sheri. That Saturday’s doings were delightful. I was absolutely deafened with the cheering. That it is very pleasant to be so well received, especially when, three years ago, I was generally snubbed and treated as a nobody. THE BUSY BISLEY. ScexeE— Within measurable distance of Woking. Enter Lounger and Marksman, k. and L. Lounger (heartily). Why, I am glad to see you! things going on ? Marksman (cordially, but abruptly). Capitally ! Good-bye ! Toung. But I say, what a hurry you are in! Can’t you stopa minute for a chat ? Marks. Another time, but just now moments are ious. Loung. But I say, you see I have found myself here—it doesn’t | take much longer than getting down to Wimbledon. Marks. Of course it doesn’t—whoever said it did? old chap, I must be off! Loung. You are ina hurry! Ah, we used to have pleasant days in the old place ? Marks. Did we? I daresay we did. Loung. Why, of course! Grand old days! Don’t you remember what fun it used to be decorating your tent ; and then, when the ladies came down—which they did nearly all the day long—what larks it was getting them tea and claret-cup ? Marks. Very likely. But we don’t have many ladies now, and a good job too—they are a bore. Loung. Well, you are a chap! Why, how can there be any fun without your sisters, and your cousins, and your maiden aunts ? Marks. We don’t want fun. But there, good-bye! Loung. But I say, I have come all this way to look you up. Marks. (unbending). Very kind of you, but, my dear fellow, | you have chosen rather an unfortunate time. Loung. Why, at Wimbledon you had nothing to do! Marks, Very likely. But then Bisley isn't Wimbledon. Loung. (dryly). So it seems. Everyone said that, when they aes the camp further away from home, they would ruin the | meeting. Marks. Then everyone was wrong. Why, we are going on a | t must be beastly dull. And how are But there, Loung. Marks. Not at all. Lovely country, good range, and, after it rains, two minutes later it is dry as bone. Loung. Yes, but it stands to reason that it can’t be as popular as imbledon. | Marks. My dear fellow, figures are the best test of that. In all thie ory of the Association we have never had more entries than s year. | Loung. That may be, but you don’t have half the fun you had | nearer town.] Marks. (laughing). Don’t want to! Business, my dear fellow, not | Pleasure! And now, old man, I really must be off! Ta, ta! 8 you later. Loung. Well, whatever he may “ay I prefer Wimbledon. And as there doesn’t seem much for me to do down here, I shall return to town. [Does so. Curtain. | W (Exit. |] | things ; but in our secret | Was in fine old style to-night. | brought on See | result, that when in the House of Commons an answer is to ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, July 6.—Don’t know what the House of Lords would do without emyss. How the House of Commons gets along without Excuo is another story. Of course we are not absolutely Etcno-less. Amurath has su to Amurath, and there is still an Excno in the Commons. Perhaps in time he may reach the towering height of his illustrious father. He does very well as it is; made exceedingly smart speech the other afternoon on adjournment over Derby Jay. We try to bear up; make the best of earts confess that this century has seen but one Lord Excno, and now he’s Earl of Wemyss. DoRCHESTER norton of Volunteers. They are foing to Wimbledon on Saturday to be reviewed y that veteran the German Emperor. Dor- CHESTER, in modest, convincing speech, pointed out how unfair it was that, in addition to, in many cases, losing a day’s pey, in all cases incur- ring a day's h work, that Volunteers should be required to pay expenses of their trip to Wim- bledon. Dorcnester left nothing unsaid; put the whole case in brief speech. But Wemyss not going to be leftout. Inte 1 in fine patronising manner ; made acknowl ent of DoRCHESTER’s good intention; but, suggesting an absolutely imaginary case, took exception to the presenta- tion of the Volunteers in the light of asking for a day’s pay. That, he said, would spoil the whole @ ase, No one had suggested anything of the kind. Wemyss had brought this nine-pin in with him as if it were one of a set of baccarat counters, had set it up, and was now knocking it down. Noble Lords sat and stared in polite amazement. Cran- Brook, in his impetuous way, jumped up and raised point of one. Wemyss put him aside 4B with sweep of sword-arm, and went on to end of ons Daren. his speech, which showed who was the true friend of the Volunteer forces. ‘*Ah,” said young Lamineron, second Baron, regarding with | pleased interest the ‘flush of satisfaction that mantled Wemyss’ brow | when he resumed his seat, ‘this House would have been nothin ‘only for us fellows coming in from the Commons. It’s new bloc | that does it. 1I’ll make them a speech myself some day.” Business done.—Quite a lot in the Commons. Tuesday.—F rrevsson says life at Foreign Office would be endur- | able only for Laney. The Sage has got the Triple Alliance on the . brain ; spends his mornings in draft- ing questions there anent. That F ereusson wouldn’t mind so much, only it involves his spending Ais afternoons in drafting answers that shall look coherent, and yet say nothing. Answers often so admi- rably suited to their purpose, that doubts arise as to whether a firmer hand than Frrevsson’s has not traced them on paper. “A dull man,” was the phrase in which years ago, Joun Bricut dismi from consideration the statesman then known as Sir Cuartes Ap- perty. To House of Commons Feroveson is a dull man, inca- pable, as it seems, of framing these subtle answers that look as if they meant somuch, and yet say so little. Whoever be the author, it must be said that Ferevsson contributes to success of answers by his manner of reading them. So portentous is 2 his gravity, so like a stone wall Sage of Queen Anne’s Gate. his imperturbability, that the eee dashe: himself up against it with much the same effect as if he were attacking one of the buttresses of Westminster Hall. It is a fortuitous concatenation of circumstances, most ha in its given which shall convey no information, the Marxiss should dictate it, and Frrevusson recite it. If, in reply to the Sage’s question to-night, as to the eneeretansing, between country and Italy with respect to the status que in Mediterranean, Ferovssow had stood up_and
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— PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Juuy 18, 1891, | recited the multiplication table up to twelve times twelve, the remarks acini . . . would have bool just as ro. wh. be and as as — he = THEN AND NOW. from the paper. Moreover, the gravity of his aspect and the solemn te ee — — inflection Pe his voice, would have compelled Members to listen to MR. PUNCH’S JUBILEE RETROSPECT. the end of the recitation with a sort of dim consciousness that they = [‘‘ Punch and the Elections were the only matters which occupied the — were really being informed as to the details of an understanding public mind on July 17, 1841."”—Jntroduction to “ Punch,” Vol. 1.] pa come to between Her Majesty's Secretary of State for Foreign, . — : OREL Affairs, and the Governments of Germany and Italy. Fiery years ago, my Public, fifty years ago! Business done. —¥dueation Bill through Report Stage. Faith, the years fleet swiftly onward, though sad hours seem slow. 210 4 an ' : . Forty-One beheld my advent, Friend of Truth and Fun ; 18 4 Thursday.—ouse having disposed of Land Purchase Bill and From my sanctum still I greet you now in Ninety-One. 1 Education Bill, is able to devote portion of sitting to consideration of ky Be its own personal affairs. Morrow brings on subject of Bar in Lobby | ‘‘ Punch and the Elections!” Truly a compendious text. — of House of Commons. Nothing to do with the Bar that Lockwoop, | With how many Burning Questions men to-day are vext! Asquiru, and Rerp adorn; merely a counter, at which they sell | Then the Whigs perceived their tether pretty nearly run, what Jemmy Lowrnenr alludes to, with a bewitching air of distant | And—they ’re watching Bye-Elections now in Ninety-One. acquaintance, as ‘‘ alcoholic liquors.”” Moxrox, whose great ambi- . tion in life is to make people Genendiy comfortable, wants to close Then Lord Joun was on the Treasury Bench, though ill at ease, occa the Bar. Sypwey Hersert, making a rare appearance as spokes- Thence to be soon torn—like Theseus ;—PExL, the ercules. ORTELLO man for the Government on the Treasury Bench, pleads as a set-off | Now Surrn smiles a toothy smile in little Jounny’s place, IcioU! against alleged evil example, the large consumption of “‘lemon While the Grand Old Hercules sits watching, grave of face. squash,” which he explains to the House is “‘a non-intoxicant.” . a . os ones CAMPBELL-BANNERMA ; sends thrill of apprehension through listening He renames hey - eat A Z ew, except Punch and . : HE PRIZE Senate by inquiring whether the House of Commons is licensed for tinger rom those brave old days, now distant eee den im . the sale of intoxicating liquors ? He has reached his Jubilee, as Punch this year hath 7 - No one ever thought of that before. As far as anyone knows, Veterans both, we drink each other’s health in Ninety-One! place isn’t licensed ; consequently, | Forty-One was fieree and fiery. Young Disraei then in very birthplace of legislation, Bravely buttered stout Sir Rosert as the best of men. the law has for years been sys- Pheugh! But in how short a time was Ben’s envenomed steel tematically defied. Worse this than ' Destined to find rankling lodgment in the breast of Pex ! what happened at Temple the other . day, when Lorp CnanceLior and Now? Well, there is jaunty Josern poisoning his point ; a score of paces Members of , ; Seeking in GRANDOLMAN’S mail some penetrable joint! jar of England narrowly escaped Heroes and ex-armour-bearers still keep up the fun ; indictment for playing a drama in One-and-Forty saw it so, and so does Ninety-One! an unlicensed Pal . Vision con- “ ; ured up of the police making | Mr. Saarman Crawrorp (who was Ae? Let quidnunes guess!) sudden » ae nt on the House, walk- Moved Amendment relative to ‘‘ Popular Distress.” ing off with Speaker, SERGEANT- | Then his cure was Wider Suffrage. Now what would it be ? at-ArMs, and possibly Or» Mo- Land with little or no Rent, and Education Free ? RALITY, to nearest station, there ' _ | »* te be he hed up ‘in —- = e Qe Then the Corn Laws cramped Free Trade ; free Competition now bail. : Breeds the Sweater, harsh exploiter of the toiler’s brow. Jexuy Lowrner much struck When brave Pret achieved Repeal some deemed the task was done, by suggestion. His innate magis- ' : But Commissions upon Labour sit in Ninety-One. terial instincts on the alert. We S all know and like Jemuy, but few of us have opportunity of seeing him at his very best. That happens when he sits on the Magisterial Bench and dispenses justice. It is Then Tom Hoop could sing that Song * which moved a world to tears, SrpTHorP then amused St. Stephen’s; we have Sermovr Kear, D’ Orsay then was wit and dandy, Oscak WILDE have we. And if wild Frarevs O'Connor fashioned Land Schemes then, Burns and Morris well can match him now with tongue or pen. as Jewmy, J.P., he rises to the Jenne. 13 London Laundrydom on Strike now in Hyde Park appears. fullest height of his judicial manner. oe saat Ah! since Eighteen Forty-One much has been tried—and done, Still, pretty well just now. A little embarrassed at the outset by con- | Rut Punch finds no lack of labour e’en in Ninety-One ! sciousness that his postal address at Leeds is ‘‘ Swillington House.” Afraid some ribald person will remember this, and vulgarly connect Then Her Masesty, a Maiden Queen, fresh graced the Throne, it with the discussion. Delightful to observe the way in which he | Now her Royal Jubilee is full four years bygone. reproved Grorce Camppe ct for language unbecoming the vincts He who has illumed her reign with wisdom, wit, and fun, of the Court. Camppett had lightly spoken about ** Members Greets her loyally to-day as then, in Forty-One. requiring a pick-me-up.” ‘* Persons enjoying the privilege of obtaining alcoholic liquors,” was the way Jemmy put it, with a Madam, much since then has happened, much has been achieved ; severe glance towards the abashed Knight of Kircaldy. Marvels, commonplace to-day, few then would have believed. Business done.—Committee of Sapply. Science, Liberty, Pure Manners, Order, Peace, Goodwill, Friday.—Turns out to-night that Morton doesn’t approve the Punch for Fifty Years has championed, and will champion still. Triple Alliance. This would be awkward, in any circumstances. Then and now! The captious cynic at the contrast sneers Peculiarly embarrassing just now with one of the principal signa- Punch believes in, and would help, the Progress of the Years. tories our guest. Emperor WILLIAM was most anxious to come When his Century’s full course, fifty Years hence, has run down to House ; meant to see everything whilst he was here, not | With good heart and glad may he look back on Ninety-One! knowing what may happen before another ony presents itself. ‘* Always read your Diary, Topy,” he said to me, over astrawberry | * “ Zhe Song of the Shirt,” which appeared on 260 of Vol. V., 1843, in and cream at Marlborough House yesterday; “ gather from it the | 2 supplementary number entitled, ‘“ Punch’s Triumphal Procession.” impression that House of Commons is ex ingly interesting ‘mot all ie a any all its Ministers virtuous. Must go and see it. in on Friday.” t 3 Here's a go' Known beforehand that Mortox meant to state QUEER QUERIES. his views on the Marxiss’s foreign policy, with its evident leaning; InrLvenza.—I should feel really grateful to any reader who can toward Germany. Very awkward if Emperor came in just while | tell me whether I have Influenza or not. I think I must have it, as Morton was speaking. I have tested my temperature with a thermometer attached to 2 | “It would play the doose with the ententy cordially,” said | weather-glass hanging in the hall, which is only slightly cracked, | Jvures "Awwrpat Picroy, who resents Morroy’s interference in the | and find that it—my temperature, not the po Eo yt Phan» ma field of foreign policy. | constantly at 120 which seems rather high. My headaches Happily Emperor Wriuiam didn’t get as far as Westminster ; | are LF tful, and ills with forty grains inine in them, detained at Guildhall; just got off in time to dine with the Great | which I have been recommended to take bya —— chemist’s Doox, and afterwards to the ball at Buckingham Palace. So peace | assistant, do not seem to do any good. Cough chemist’s bill both | between two great nations is maintained. But Morton ran us pretty —7 heavy. Ought I to have a change? If so, whom should I try close. Business done.—Committee of Supply. take it out of —Nervovs Sunsect. cy? NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will im no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addrossel Envelops, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will te no exceptica
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Carriage Paid on Orders of 20s Neo Acrents on Mippte-Mes Exrcoren | BOTTLES LOTI O N EGERTON BURNETT, | *"22'WHERE Wellington, Somerset, England. | THE CURE FOR ACNE DISFIGUREMENTS MAKES THE SKIN OLEBAR, SMOOTH, SUPPLE, MBALTHY. ___ the Box Of att venaee rental: Waverley Works, Edinburgh. = ae aa = pa ooth Unbreakable ~ = dewspuny P to, Section ROYAL Ste 7 o- a | s SULPHOLINE 60 ws 18) | JEWSBURY & BROWN’S ‘ONE PIECE’ Studs seewe. ® 1% and 1@-Carat Skilfully formed from single | Elewence and shsolute Sedormi a of curve, and sc Sa pped = button hole wit eae. a HEY NEVER BREAK, bet Ir pauac a > Paes , od CAUSE “ie Balbon EN IN EXCHANCE. To be hud ot all demiihs and Jewellers, AKD WHOLESALE ONLY SAUNDERS & SHE Ste Licensees CAUTION.— Trede ore of thus stud—elu but shaped to decete Ene LONDON, — The together— » the “One Mece.” —in jneces ated soviet “JOHANNIS” KING OF TABLE WATERS. CHARGED ENTIRELY WITH NATURAL CAS. Prevents ba Sy Bheumatism, and digestion. y well with Wines, pirits, or Milk. Mot medicinal, but —* health promoting SUPPLIED AT ALL FIRST-CLASS HOTELS, AND RESTAURANTS Sample Cases of 60 Pints, 186, including bottles. JOHANNIS SPRINGS, Ltd., ZOLLHAUS, GERMANY. Wuotrsace Sronee— a, WHARF ROAD, CITY ROAD, LONDON Mixes HOWARD BEDFORD PORTABLE RAILWAY BENZINE COLLAS.—For ARTISTS. — A SPECIALLY GOOD MEDIUM for Painting es SUk, Satin, Gauze, Linerusta. ood, Canvas, lass, Tapestry, Cards, leather, és. ee. ae COLLAS.— Ask for “ Collas.” a Mh EM Pa, ete For ARTISTS. D MEDIUM for Sem > ay tk, Satin use, Linerusta, Canvas, Giass, Tapestry, Cards, Leather, Doha BENZINE COLLAS —Try “ Callan” See the word COLLAS on the Label end Cap Extra refined, nearly odourless On using becoming quite odourless BENZINE COLLAS. —Ask for “ Collas” Bre ration, and take no othe: everywhere 64., le, and ls, 6d : J. Saxon & Bor vs, 1, Curae vad Bette Agus ADAMS’S FURNITURE POLISH. THE OLDEST AND BEST. “Tur Qvoeew " (the Lady's Newspaper) “ feels no hesitation in recommending it BSeld by Grocers, Lronmongers, Oilmen, &e. Manufactory -SUEFFIBLD J. EXSHAW & 60'S FINEST O BR ANDY. @s. per dos. in as BAS T. W. Srarieron & Co., 8, Megent brieet, We USED IN THE ROYAL NURSERIES. = BEST FOOD INFANTS. In Tins, 1s., 20., 5¢., and 10s. each. SAVORY & MOORE, tonoon, AND BOLD EVERYWHERE. w miGH 3: = COAL = TAR: “SOAP TABI ETS
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jutr 18, 1891. jy Ota adds so much to personal attraction as a bright, clear complexion, and a soft Without them the handsomest and most regular features are but coldly impressive, wh with them the plainest become attractive; and yet there is no advantage so easily secured. regular use of a properly prepared Soap is one of the chief means; but the public have not requisite knowledge of the manufacture of Soap to guide them to a proper selection, so a pret box, a pretty colour, or an agreeable perfume too frequently outweighs the more impo sonsideration, viz., the composition of the Soap itself, and thus many a good complexion is spo which would be enhanced by proper care. PEARS’ SOAP —Specially prepared for the delicate skin of Ladie Children, and others sensitive to the weather, Winter or Summer. Printed by William Stuart Smith, of N Loraine Road, Holloway, in the Parish of St. in the of Middlesex, at the Offices of Messrs. a Limited, bard Strert, in the Precinct of Wiitetriane te the City of Londen, ond Published by baat ob Be. on, Diese eeaea Sins Cening Ofer of Meee By: AS ik ae ~~ —, Bee ee 6 uk AES OS ee ER” PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. | ~~