Punch 1891-06-20: Vol 100 Iss 2606

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“ Refined humour never had a more sumptuous setting." —GLascow HERALD. ’ “ This Volume may be described as the beau idéal of a * drawing- room book,’ Sweetness and light may be written more happily of du Maurier than of Matthew Arnold. We thank him for these Society Pictures By GEO. du MAURIER. of his. To us they are highly entertaining and instructive, but to the twenticth WOLUME I. century historian of the Victorian age they will also le of inexhaustible sotvesd Price 12/- and inestimable value.” —DatLy CHRONICLE. wry yy

“SONSd SS3UHL 301Nd > = Q x =) kK « w + w (2) w =z i) a a 2 a N* 2606. VOLUME ONE HUNDRED. (ime CT ; CODE aa . - ll A JUNE 20, = Tee a) ome bs Sarerverane " STB <9 ng Mi | \ - [ag a Wi) C it Be NOD Vi eal Peay osm PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET a = AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS.

ABSOL UTELY Cad burys s Fa

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GIPSY TENTS, AND HOW TO USE THEM. A Handbook for Amateur by G. BR. LOWNDES. Profesely l\lestrated, price te 64. ; by post, Be 06 Honsce Con,” The Field " Office, bream's Buildings, harcery Lane, London THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY ESTABLISHED 1825. Accumulated Pund, 74 Millions Stg,

FOR PROTECTION ANIWLSIANI P

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Junsg 20, 1891.

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Jung 20, 1891.} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. ON THE RIVER. A Licut canoe, a box of ci ttes, Sunshine and shade ; A conscience free from love or money debts To man or maid ; A book of verses, tender, quaint, or gay, a A Thames-side Inn, a salad, and some fruit, aune or Hochheimer ;— Are simple joys, but admirably suit An idle rhymer. A ’BUS ’OSS’S MEMS. (Kept during a recent Social Crisis.) Saturday, June 6, 11 P.m.—Home after our last turn. Fancy from drinks had on to put into 8 the way, and that last mile the pace we had and a half, that up. Turned into stall nice and as usual. . — Something tho sihtet ae Gow ane aniine now the rights of it, nor don’t care, as as I have my bit of straw to roll in, and a eed twice a day. I wonder about it. Hang it for my living, tied i ithout a feed! thank goodness, late than never. Capital fun onday.— Am sent out in a loyal i with brickbats. Felt half inclined to shy. Halloa! what’s this? Hit on the ribs with a paving-stone. Come, I won't stand this. Kiek and back the ’bus on to the pavement. All the windows smashed by Company’s men. P. out. Somebody cuts the traces, and myself to be back to the stables. Don’t care about this sort of fun. However, feed all right. Tuesday.—Hear that the men want thir- teen and sixpence a day and a seven hours’ turn. Di offer five and sixpence, and make the minimum seventeen hours. i my hearties! Fight away! Who cares You must feed me, that’s quite certain. Still I don’t ania sheet ae my q ee of puffiness a’ Hang the strike! Wednesday.—Pufliness worse. Vet. looks IN MEMORIAM, “OLD TO-MORROW.” Taz Rient Hox, Sm Jouw ALEXANDER MAcDONALD, LATE Premier or CanwapDa, Poxcu pompatione with Canadian sorrow For him wo lovingly as “Oty To- _Mozzow.” (day, Hail to “‘ the Chieftain!” He lies mute to- But Fame still speaks for him, and shall for aye. [SPEARE ‘*To-morrow--and to-morrow!” SHax- So runs the round of time! Man lives and dies. But —_ comes not with mere surcease of rea To such ashim. ‘‘ The road to dusty death” Not “ all his yesterdays” have lighted. Nay! So ciilaesiing hecrln, ond nothing teas” n no’ ears The long to-morrow of the coming years. LEAVES FROM A CANDIDATE'S DIARY. is up with a ven-/|b heaps of fancy-work o I was at the Penrorps’ on Monday after- i was simply littered much FEE.¢ Eictie Simian Talk. Proresson Gannens, in the New Review Tells us nothing new ; Reading much ‘‘ Simian ”’ litera One only wishes that our “* Apes” that “Apes ean talk.” That's rot, could not / VOL. ©,

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290 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. [Joxe 20, 1891. THE NEW TALE OF A TUB; OR, THE NOT-AT-HOME SECRETARY AND TdHE LAUNDRESSES. y/ Hy — | | ! j | ' Vip, 1 aa eee KL | “sid ; i j Ss a a — j | Uf” | /-. = Ss = SS || ty iI 1] Hh \)] Vy Ling - = SSS | {'} | itil 1 { | | Wipf ; >= oS = eth Th SS Py ADs’ Nas uN y SS RS N N RN VN SS yy Y Se ‘*Can’r sae you now, I’m Wasninc—Mysg.r.” “The Women are crying out for the protection of the Factory Acts, which has hitherto been denied them, and which the Home Secretary declines to pledge the Government to support.” — Daily Telegraph, Friday, June 12th, London Laundry-woman, to her Tub-mate, loquitur :— Tuer tell us the Tub is humanity’s friend, and that Cleanliness is | Well, I’m not so sure that the world’s far wrong in that Worship of closest kin | of i ’s all the rage ; d To all things good. By the newest gospel tis held that Dirt is the | Bat we, its priestesses, sure might claim a cleanly life and a decent friend of Sin. | wage |

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June 20, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. — Dap See cee epietien apt = Se tome Peay at Soe lnasers m ust pass their amidst muck and grime? (swell and eweet, If the dainty ladies whose linen we lave, we laundress could look in here, Wouldn’t feet shrink back with sickness, and Rage thd J Td. th fear? White, well-ironed, all and sweetness, that linen looks when it leaves our hands; But they little think of the sodden squalor that marks the den where the laundress stands, i, om scrub, at the reeking tub, for eighteen hours atas ill our bowed backs ache, and our knuckles smart, and the lights through the steam like spectres dance ; Aakie-oon & Ge pect sludge, where the tile is loose drainage Oh, I haven’t a doubt that the dainty dames—if they only knew !|—would be sorely shocked. Typhoid! Terribl menacing word, the whisper of which would destroy han trade ; But f and y+ hey and defective drainage will raise that ghost on a world id ; And at thirty years our strength is sa by ingens siege of the stifling fume "fort such life illume Or what if we linger a little longer ? Scant rays of com- Grievances, Ber? Well, I pate no doubt that the world of idlers is sorely sick Of the moans and of the likes of us, When the whip, the needle, the the pick, Are all on e for a ener vere "tis a worry, of course, to the well-to-do, [official to me and you. And a sleek Home-Sec. must “‘ decline to pledge” support Of course, of course! Who are we, my dear, to bother the big- wigs and stir their bile? Why, it ’s all along of our ‘“‘ discontent,” and the Agitator’s insidious guile. [sided — But Labour, Bsr, is agog just now to revise the old one- And even a Laundress may have an eye to the benefit of the Factory Acts. Those b wae Nano gy Barmy gti, claim shorter hours, anda [we en not have our say Just think aa nue or the Slaves of the T Tub! Why should In the Park o’ Sunday, like like Daw the Docker, or Tom the Tailor, or Writ the “* Whip” ? The — = the Troning- board peocer to have got achance —which they mustn't let slip Laundress Lobes, may move the e the quiz. We dream of Washing as well it might be” ; show them “* Washing as now it is.” We know it, Ber, in the — wet and the choking fume; with the aching The long, » long hours, and She ne trpboid taint, the inverted e hurried snac An oo whe b in we'll There may—who knows ?—be ae for us yet, for you and | the me, Ber! Just think o’ that ! Oh, . know it is hard to believe it, my girl. The ee ‘ strong, and appeal falls flat [against us On off cial ears ; and fine-lady fears, and household br Sues But 9 ' is wrought by want of thought.” says some poet, I think ;—t0 we'll let them know / Ah! ey sheets and sweet lavender scent of the dear old days in my home The breadths of linen a- Fag ee Gis quae Sow ite thought that to this I’d com Grand ies of old to their laundry looked, and the tubs were white, and the Sow we coanews dean, ta tho plied of diet, in a dank, dark den, with a noisome air. er ~~ | on oe oe of steam take the lowy form of a thing, ae ee scrub, whilst we rinse and “a cheer oF UD, ~ ou hee So te 4 vn ba finde nnee atte thie Tele cfs - ~ ncamene j A CURE FOR INFLUENZA. Major O' Gourmand, ‘' Surg, me Docrgor sarp a GLAss OR TWO oF Day Caam- PAGNE’LL DO ME GoopD! BrecorRAH, THE BoTTLE’s DRY ENOUGH BY THIS TIME |" oe INTELLIGENCE. —A Page from a Londoner's Diary. Onn snaneal believe the news! What, no omnibuses! A strike! etreap ap to nash Sn Mas, £0 ne ieee ba, et. beequent t arede in the Park oe uire an omnibus for that, either. At th end he ay asm that, take one with another, state of affairs ~ ve been antici ¢ immensely. Had no 'vaea that « scroll along the Em Eesbenkwes was so delightful. After one can exist without omnibuses—at least, for a time. Nae ppt pny Lam aed were at their wits’ end at the mere gestion of a strike, are the ing pone © Sosmts. ay oy y leasanter without omnibuses. Great, conveyances, filling up i and the traffic! Lonle, Leake tales en all without them ! Trateunen, ts, cay that Se shave aoe sas as well attended now as when the “ae Companies were in swing .—Can’t see what the omnibus people (both sides—Directors and oulalhaa aboat. No matter of mine, and the Public are only too glad for a chance of a ng Fifty per cent. better since I have been obliged to give up. She Asked to-day to contribute something in ee Sone. Gestliate ust, the longer Che the strike lasts the worse for Thur Remy | the present — of affairs is delightful. I have to thank the for teaching me to patronise the river steamboats. Pleasant jparety bes Vee © —_ nee apenny! No idea that the Thames ‘was so pretty at Westminster. View of the Houses of Parliament and the Embankment Friday.— vey lel Well I do not complain. Hired « hansom and find that considering the cab takes you up to door, it is really cheaper in the long run. If te FP jolted, and run a chance of smashing your het. If it SSS ere migh’ ve walked the whele wa This is too much | Just as old omnibuses are to ay to contribute some- longer the strike lasts the

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292 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (Jows 20, 1891, Hitt , WHO ’D HAVE THOUGHT ITP!! First Slender Invalid, “1 say, Otp MAN, WHAT A BEASTLY THING THIS INFLUENZA Is, zn! i'm JUST GETTING OVER IT.” EXPLANATIONS A LA MODE. (A Prophetic Forecast, by a Professional Pessimist.) 1891. The Leader of the House explains, i no understand- engagements. It must not be thought for a moment that a single battalion will be moved, or a solitary vessel dispatched abroad with warlike intentions. 1893. The Representative of the Cabinet once more denies the suggestion that, under any —_—_— ee, will —— bind herself accept European ity. th: — nd the aoe A of the ree years, Cabinet is not only surprised but pained Ah these geen and embarrassing inter- mire o Once =o and for the last time, the PREMIER insists that sy may happen — 4 will be free from inter- It has been a, policy of this great posi vs for the last four years to steer = of all embarrassing international com tions. The other Great Powers are eotly aware er no circumstances whatever, will om omg and Fleet beemployed in taking part in the quarrels of our neighbours, The entire Cabinet are grieved at questions so a ’ put to —- uestions that are ot only disquieting abroad, but a slur upon the intentions of men whose sole = oa! is the safety and ame the British Km rt, His Wasting Friend, “ An| vou ae niont, My Boy! I've wap Ir TOO, AND THE WorsT| 1895, General European War— England in OF IT I8, IT PULLS A FELLOW DOWN 80 FRARFULLY!!” the midst of it ! | never can bear them 7 ay we s. I felt just the same with VOCES POPULI. | that picture of the Si one at Academy, you know. (Medi- BEFORE THE MECHANICAL MODELS. A Sxzronm at tue Rovat Navat Exuisition, Scane—The Grounds. A string of Sightseers Tahal slowly in front of a row of glazed cases sma mechanical figures, which are set in icflen 40 in tam coud sn manner. Berore A Scene REPRESENTING A Dyino CHIL. A Gallant Swain, Lt | the kid in bed, yer see. Like to see it die, Potty, eh? A penn ponag does it. Polly (with a geggie). ell, if it ain’t too’arrowing. (The penny ts dropped in, and the mechanical mother is instantly agitated by the deepest maternal —_ ) That’s the mother haoding by the bed, I sw do pray natural. There’s the child waking u see, it’s moving its ’ed. ( The little doll rawses itself in bed, and then fall back lifeless.) Ah, it’s gone—look at the poor mother ’idin’ hes The G. 8. Well, it’s all over. Come along and see something more cheerful. Polly. Wait a bit—it isn’t ’alf over yet. There’sa l got to come and carry her away fust—there, the door ’s opening, ll be the angel come for it, 1 expect. ate cary No, it ‘s — the doctor. (A jerky and obviously | practitioner pute bi head Goal Ge duep, tad on tales motioned back by the bar reaved mother, retires with more delieg than might have been expected. ) Well, he pute ha’ seen for if the child was dead! (The back of the bed fle dase a well-known pichoe of an anes Katey cpa s ae) | “think they "d real angel, and sth saly s plotere of ons, pad. om can see it’s a different child —there’s the child in bed just same, I Bg arr unno what more you é ora A Person on the Outs toaparty to Friend) hat ~~ — WP What is it? | couldn't make it bah over all the, His Friend. Dyi childs act bell bal either. pees end putin & penny, and you ’’ll see it well h. The P. om the O. (indsgnantly), ~ E: — hangs about tall someone else provides the necessary coin. | 4 Pe were Tame No, T couldn't tend these end lockan. 1 I tatively.) And you don’t have to put a penny in for that, either, Berore ANOTHER Beproom Scene REPRESENTING ‘‘ THE Davunxarp’s Detreivm.”’ First Woman, That’s’im in bed, with the bottle in his’and. He likes to he his liquor comfortable, he do. Second Woman, He’s neat and tidy, considerin’, ain’t he? I wonder what his delirium is like, ’Ere, Kosy, come and put 4 penny in as the gentleman give yer. (Rosy, aged siz, sacrifices her penny, — aa ) Now, you look—you can’t think what pretty things the itt little is @onden drunkard sits up, rote the bottle to his mouth, and sinks back contentedly ; a demon, painted a pleasing blue, rises slowly by his bed-side ; takes a languid interest in him ; the demon sinks. A Gentleman with a bloated comple zion (critically). ’Ooever did anew, I dessay he’s a very clever man, but—(compassionately) —he don’t know much about ’ orrors, he don’ t! A Facetious Friend. You could ha’ told him a thing or two, aii Im? ). Well, if I never ’ad The Bloated Gentleman (contemptuously). them wuss than that / A small skeleton, in a shroud, looks in at the door. The F. F. ’Ullo ’ere’s the King o’ Terrors f for yer! (Rosy shows signs of uneasiness ; a blue demon comes out of a cupboard.) ’Ere’s another of ’em—quite a little party he’s ’aving ! A Gentleman, in a white tie (as the machinery stops). Well, a thin Sis Oils Coco ete san! nek Gan many a Sem tract. e Bloated G. Yer right there, Guy’nor—it’ s bin a lesson to me. I know that. Ere, = you come and ’ave a whiskey-sour along rot me and my ere? Berore A MopEL REPRESENTING AN EXECUTION. 4 Bepen. But why won’t you ‘put a penny into this one, The Father frmly). Because I don’t approve of Capital Punish- wy - he ae nefiall’ chews oith gallows. Rueon one palle bl —Siack oe dee dear— most , shocking taste To his Friend.) Oh, of course, Ill wait, if you want to see asete

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June 20, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

A Very well done, that was—but over & little too quick. £ Saecanly Gas <0 map ung at His “wore Put in another penny, and p’raps you’ll see him cut down, Brrore THe Farry Fortrune-Te.iEr’s Grorro, Susan Jane (to her Soldier), Oh, ain’t that to ay what my fortune is. he feels in her pocket. The Soldier (st (who improve of useless espe Ain’t you ton. 3 think you meant to go by the answer, to Ido. (Coquettishly, as she sets the index to a you mustn’t ick. I won’t ’ave you see Sry. dan atta, Tt A a et nothing to me. son feat Se eiverted eet lait atta Gon. : ant, ee Are you going to be JANE a a i os ar ra ogo, mie a and ee in to revolve in a ‘as esolienent of ered. 4 pasteboard bower fale ane grewing ng 6 gael aso on wit oS Ses Person in oy (read: over Suean Jane’s shoulder). peed eli heey They? yor fo to know, ain't it, Mise? s ain Your aial"oaeny now! hg eee my A ,, Bm” ought to feel satinfied too, after that! &. &e., ke. of Busan Jane. in, Gates Soldier (as he departs with 8. Ty. + thing in these things, when all’s said In em wo A Pleased Pleasure-seeker. Ah, that’s something like, that is! I’ve seen the ’Aunted , Miser, and the Man with the *Orrors, and a oo} and a Dyin’ Child—they do make you mn laf, ¥ yer know! Second P. P. Yeu, it’s a pity = rest o hibition ain’t more the mee style, to m wy king ! A Captious Criti. mM. they don’t seem to me to ’ave much to do with anything naval, His Companion. Why, it comes under machinery, don’t it? You’ re 50 in’ » you are! Wouldn’t touch a glass o’ beer ere, unless it was brewed with salt-water, I suppose! Well, come on, then—there’s a bar andy ! [ They adjourn for refreshment,

PROVERBS PRO aleneh Genta Omnibus Com the fares i with the old mes about Penny wise and Pound foolish. H. **In fora penny’ ’ remains penos "a gone “in fora Pound.” the Chairman of the General demands ceded the employés having sue- e 's suc- now ‘* take care of the Pounp uillity

i blessed ment, should ‘“ ee 0, re attend ‘ean? Not Yours tary are no Voluntary Schools! cola "enl 6 who'd

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Tue most in book, one of the Baron’s Retainers (‘‘blythe and gay,”) has read this year is, The Life of Laurence Oliphant. If it were not written by a reputable pers, ad Rublished byw ;|eminently respectabie a house as BLackwoop’s, would be difficulty about accepting it as a true story of the life of some of us Betsy Prig’s remark Noone a maternal rela- ’s no sich a person.” as a LAURENCE OLIPHANT thing in a book of acquitted No man would have had the The Assistant — has been refreshing himself with Lapsus . K. rane eee by —_~ 1 and Bowes. It is ane and there some ae The first of two parodies of urpassab } for successful audacity. The last poem in the book is ‘‘ An Election Address,” written for, but apparently not used by, the present Posrmasrer-Genenat, when he was Candidate for Cambridge University, in 1882. He says of him- self, after confessing to a dislike for literature and science, — “ But I have fostered, guided, planned | Some ten or twelve directors, and Commercial en’ ; in me Bix worthy chairmen you may see.’ All the pieces are not so good as those cited—that would bs too much | to expeot—but ** get it,” say Barnow pe Boox-Worws & Co,

Mortuary. ANDREW paenee te Lane !—who the classics is pat in, Suggests to our writers, as test of their ‘‘ style,” Just to turn their equivocal prose into Latin, As Drarpen did. Truly the plan makes one, smile ! Reviewers find Novelists’ Turn your books into some great ‘‘ dead language” —and bury ’em !

WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD DOWN EAST; Or, A Mauvais Jew d’ Eaprit, oe id to me the way to the streets er of sebows ye J hove b been fold, rou week ite Chapel” ? | wes told tt was Palaces,

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294 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Juxez 20, 189). Wen) Ye FELINE AMENITIES. . “] pon’r THINK ANY PAINTING LOOKS WELL IN THIS HORRID Execrric Licur!” Lady Godiva de Ah “ ) api 4 Wi We ‘iii ‘ H ti X me i ni " uty Y i. Th All rth cea ene Hostess (nettled), “Don’t you, Dean? PERHAPS YOU WOULD PREFER To REMAIN IN Tak Drawixa-Room, WHERE THE Lamp; AND SaapEs ang!” THE FRUIT OF THE SESSION. “To the bi-monthly exhibition of the Royal Horticultural Society the M anquie of SaLisnuRy sent a magnificent collection— of strawberries especially. Mr. W. H. Smrru showed specimens of the same luscious fruit, for which he received the thanks of the Society.""— Daily Telegraph. | Head-Gardener 8u-1u1 soliloquiseth :— Ono! my beauty! If you don’t get a fust prize, and ‘‘ receive the thanks of the Society” I’m a coweumber! ‘* The Fruits of Early Industry and Economy.” Title of a picture by that splendid sample of the industrious and the economical, Gzones Mortanp, I believe. Yes, that’s it. My Industry and G-scu-n’s Economy. We area moral family ; We are, we are, we are! All the cardinal virtues bound in—ahem! no matter. | Talk of the Gigantic Goose | What is that apochryphal monstrosity compared with this Brobdingnagian Berry ? [ Senge. Bravo, my “ British Queen "’ ! Long live my “ British Queen ” |! Brave “ British Queen” ! Send it i First-Prizer glorious, Fill Rads censorious With envious spleen! As you will, my Beauty! When did swaggering H-nc-nt's horti- culture produce such goodly fruits? Or sour-mug’d M-xi-1’s? Or leary L-ner’s? Or Slawkenbergian M-mwp-t1a’s? Or even that of the Grand Old Grower, G1t-pst-wz himself, with all his fluent patter about British Pomona, and the native Jam-pot ? I know the badly-beaten lot maintain that the tisa “ @ from an old purchase of their own. Bless y claim the od stocks—always did. Who cares? My young floricultural end, Joz of Birmingham, who knows a bit about fruits as well as concerning orchids, let me tell you,—Jor, I say, laughs their terous pretensions to scorn. Look at G-sca-n‘s own parti t there—a bit late, but very promising, and probably i to take a prize before the season’s over. Didn't Joz secomeend the stock to Gi-pet-Ne years ago? And didn't the haughty Hawarden horti- eulturist turn up his nose at it as an ‘‘ Unauthorised” intruder upon his own Prize ? And, more by token, didn’t Jox get the hump in consequence, cut the old connection, and set up on his own account in the forcing-house line, with a friendly leaning to our firm ? | “ Hine illa lachryme,” as the Guy’nor would say. Hence, this Colossal Strawberry ! of the Society f I should rayther think so! They may chaff *‘Oxcp Moratrrr” as much as they li but morality pays, even in Gpewsimy-qneving : and my duty to my (British) Queen has brought about this triumph. Early Industry started it, and careful —— ~ 7 he 4 brought it to its prveent pitch = Look at it! Size, shape, sweetness, scen' super’ f the Season shouldn’t produce another Prize-Winner, this alone 4 ~~ _ _ you own fruit ae if Groner Joxim — only see i s H-zr D-xe sa quoques are a nuisance, J i off the face of the earth. Joxmm and ARTHUR B-tr-R a bit too fond of ’em for my fancy. However, all the ** you ’re anothers” on earth can’t affect my Strawberry now, thanks be! Zhe Fruit of the Season, though I say it who perhaps shouldn’t. (Sings.) From “ Greenlands”’ sunny garden, And vista’d vitreous panes, bg mean to — Hawarden, I 7 |, a This Giant Strawber-ry, In horticultural skill I am o [Left chortling. Tar Very Last on tHe’ Bus Statxe.—After the comparative quiet of last week, the streets of London will now be as "bussy as ever.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Juxz 20, 1891. PO | i" Min | WN] [ THE FRUIT OF THE SESSION. W. H. Su-rn (Hiad Gardener and Prize Exhibitor), “HAD TO NIP OFF A LOT OF BLOOMS TO GET HIM UP TO THIS SIZE!!” “ At the Bimonthly Exhibition of the Royal Horticultural Society ... Mr. W. H. Surru showed imens of the same luscious fruit — strawberries — “ for which he received the thanks of the Society.”—~ Daily Telegraph, Wednesday, June 10. — eee —

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Jonz 20, 1891.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —_——— — — SHORT-LIVED PLEASURE. PorRTRAIT OF A LITERARY FRIEND, WHO, LIVING IN A MAIN THOROUGHFARE, WAS AN ARDENT SuppoRTER oF THE 'Bus STRIKE, SUBSCRIBED TO ITs Funps, AND HOPED IT MIGHT LONG CONTINUE, He SAYS HE HASN'T HAD SUCH A Quiet Timez with HIS Booxs ror Years. Bur Atas! since Last SUNDAY HE HAS NOT SMILED AGAIN, MRS. GINGHAM ON THE GREAT ’BUS QUESTION. “The demand for —_ is immensely stimulated by their presence, and when they are no longer there, the le who thought them indispensable get on very well indeed without them... Under the telbeene of penny fares, Londoners are rapidly forgetting how to walk. Pin The Times. Au! Bal all = foo, good Sir, whosomever you are as writes such, But of t poor fo: and their needs it is plain as you do not know much. Wh Tet elie a veeas eat nor as light, nor as smart on my feet, And ou may not know quite what it is to be out late o’ night and beat, Out way, arter ten, with a bundle, a child, and a cage, ho eanasien ta hao ot ht, and a seven mile walk, at my age All of no ’Bus to be bad, love or money, and cabs that ion dear, And a stitch in my side and short breath, ain't as nice as you fancy,—no fear! Likeways look at my Joun every morning, ah! rain, hail or shine, up to town, Bless the "Buses I sere y, and leamst As I sez to my friend Mrs. Browy, I sez, they’re a boon to poor poor cons, os ae keep kerridges neither, wus luck! Penny Fares ain’t es, i echenbeh as did ought to know. ee ae Seo! oe it does rouge To hear big-wigs a-sneering at ’ Buses. There may be a it of a serouge, And the smell of damp straw mixed with pep’mint ain’t nice to a dalicot nose, Likeways neat ‘‘ Oh be Joyful’s” a as with orange and snuff hardly goes. But we ain’t all rekerky nor rich, we can’t all afford sixpence a mile, And when we are old, late, and and tired, or it’s wet, we can’t think ‘about style. The ’Bus is the poor body’ ~ pay young feller—and as for your talk About not never missing a lift, or tting— es |—how to walk, i ; why it’ s olear you a ain’t been a poor . Ah! you wouldn’t find it n it no ma domes ke mo, oof Wi son in the greengrocer As just overslep herself slightl ** Ugly iumbering wehicles ?” A lot of us poor 8 or shop- why shouldn't the fares and of distances? Oh pore fellers as drive or cond: = ” play up merry mag with the poor hel fare, as gets bpteten end Stent It ought to be altered, J sa hat ’Bus-folk should coterie metho sore Pablick— clerk | know LE PRINCE S’AMUSE, An Apologetic Idyl, pha sen Re it, w us rate i Pur lites delist med wm TY fe gee eney is patos Bay they don't atate it Tis clear ‘‘ no recreation” meets their views, Or why that sneering cry, ‘* Le Prince s’amuse ?” Oe do Bay Bink 0 Filnes, wien’ plating, Foundation-stones y is laying Peel ith a clut of pablo tine yy Tin pagy of hunter ever ob ain Is recreation such as hi Sy If so—I understand ‘‘ Le Prince s’ amuse !”’ Pot how a wesld Chet aetee bis dally Srings, everlasting round of weary function,— The health-returnings, interviewings, Can grudge him some , wi Seems quite to me ‘‘ another pair of Dyspeptic is that ory,‘ Le Prince s’amuse !"” THE MODERN BRIGAND. (Fragment from the Adventures of @ Ransomed Prisoner.) I must confess I was agreeably surprised at the treat- meat to which I was eubjected t by ag pees, Instead of being loaded with chains and con in a cell beneath Se caemels meat, © was Given pees liberty, and had = a t suite of rooms. d scarcely have I was 2 Hott eS e less nined of the wslenode shown me a revolver, and play- fully informed me that its contents were intended for me attempted to escape. The Chief was absolutely charming. He treated me in the most courteous manner, and ended his first interview with me by requesting ‘* the honour of my company »t dinner.” ** You need not dress! ”’ he observed, “although I like TY at ay myself. But I know that ou have some with my people a your luggage, tnd og T shall be only too Gighted to cxouse grande ten The - Paty ” to Lay ag? my siemed, wes te seizing of my u by of thieves which he was (-- acknowledged head. gy ee that I fan possibly recover some of its contents. very nasthodieal, | by this Rise I tou ‘all y e I fear the Koa wl hay been wld The motto of the Club is cole and quick returns.’ We find no difficulty in As we carry on business on the most econo- mieal principles, we can quote prices even cheaper than the res,” And this I found to be the case. Although the brigands were very civil to me, I was unable to trace any of my . However, as my host in the kindest manner allowed me to dispense with ceremony, I ventured at dinner-time in my ordinary tourist’s dress. am delighted to see you,” said the Chief, > speaning English for the first time, *‘as you are now my guest, must ess that we are f countrymen.”’ “Indeed!” I replied, considerably astonished. “‘If you are really of Brith nationality, how is it that I find you professional thief ?”’ a ** You are mistaken,” returned the Chief. ‘I merely belong to a society for the redistribution of capital, You we are all balloted for, and I was myself afraid that I might Pet pilled.” : ** Indeed!” I exclaimed, potgsest emesis surprise. ‘‘ Surely your accomplishments—for I noticed, on my arrival, that have secured your admission ? well.” he returned with a smile, “I fancy they helped me with the Committee. But unhappil agg & ante- ts were bad—I had made a fortune on tondon toa I see say good ily by the han hand, he helped me the conveyance that was to take me back to home freedom. I have never seen him since,

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June 20, 1891.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

A COY COLOSSUS. Panis, June 15,—It is stated here, on no au what- sonatly’ ‘visiting. the French recently visi ren 8 oie hecrd te m was to remark, ** “This makes me de- sire to see the Boulevards again.” A A visit of the og Russia to Paris during the Summer is therefore considered to be certain. An offensive and defensive Alliance the two countries is said to be on the point of signature. A few evenings ago, in a low café in ee ey left Bt. etersburg lately to escape creditors, ant = conceived e happy idea of raising a little money by walking to Paris in a composed of the French and Russian national flags i to- gether, was entertained to capper by his Gallic admirers. especially towa eae, were very enthusiastic. Throughout the festivities, constant cries of Alliance Franco- Russe!” were raised. This incident is said to have placed the immediate signature of the Treaty between the Czar and President Cannot beyond a “a f t evening at Stone who by ap would have been en for 4 L ae covite, was £ the = walking along surround by 4 = Wow then always called Hart Drxe. Like many other young men he iho in interval lost his Hart, and now known as Sir Wittiam Drxe. Curious thing, as Sank reminds me, how absorbent is the name of Wi11amM. Quite probable that before Black- Eyed'Susan’s friend came prominently on the stage he had some other Christian name, sunk when he was to shadow of yard-arm. Certainly there is an equally eminent man sitting oppo- site Drxe in House ee who like him is “Sir Wrt11am the ppement generation, was VEennwon Hancovrt to an elder one. = orxe, under whatever — done a well to- ——— olding com ively minor tment in in. Ministry finds himself LN charge of princi al measure of Session. tadieapped, moreover reco! — of time when he es nf ome himeelf ‘again st the a principle Ee now em in “invitee Houre to sto add to Sta ~~ ~~ was first hedge for iy to tab style that threw the scorner —« his munication with Dizzy years for nothing. Not likely to forget what days of Parliament of 1874, when Dizzy for time foun aig ores Poors in power. During election campaign Dizzy, safety o Buckinghamshire had mate some wild iteet deake easing —~ chains of ~ —¥ es y designed to gain Irish vote ; soon as am Mortacu—where, by the ‘s RoBERT 4a ww BF oo ae op eee, aad when Duzr in the House, Leader of triumphant majority, asked him what he was going to do about it ? ‘It referred to were is sometime since the observations made,” said Dens, ** and—er—a good deal has happened in the interval.”

and he went over in plucky is tral Didn’t live in close com- to| Taomas heard

his former statements on Free recalling and Education, did not attempt to said, button-holing House as it were, and a irvetine E imise their i “ a oe - oe tially, ‘* the fact is we all change our minds, this ss it had laughed at Dizzy seventeen cars oar ied abeolved and went forward with Not a brilliant oration in any way; neither mec nor per- oration, and the middle occasionally a little mixed. But a sensible straightforward speech, and if Drxx had done no more than show that an’ im t Ministerial measure could be explained —_ yd of an hour, he would not have lived in yain. Business done.— Education Bill introdu Tuesday.—Nothing at first sight in personal appearance of HznxsERt NATCHBULL-Hucessen that suggests a swan. Fancy | have something of these birds being ad to the habit of breakin forth into song when convinced of approaching dissolution. su is how the swan was suggested to the mind when just ey ay ee ma rose from behind Ministers, and ehant hi

now, to the nog, tay on the rad to Soviiom, Tadakinlis What antiquated nonsense Age T “of course Free Education is not a Conservative princi; {Iw happened rey aye S Pane etter 1, an time to be numbered in the Liberal ranks, put my back

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300 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Jone 20, 1891. against the wall, and, picturing the HvcessEen it becomes “ A Progressive Conservative.’ ( Vide Dod.) past five, when progress must be present Session lost. Maxis hin Osponwe-ap-Moncay, having made withdrawn it, Maxiys, putting on se “It is all very well for the Right H = Blees us all!” cried Rownraer, ment, ** Maxine a thinks tha Bill seemed and, generally, “ Bless us all!” argument profound study and pointed with legal lore, he should ay jump up, lower his head, and, as it were, butt me in the stomac > Oy Gaue It is more than I can at the moment com- pre Gener so flurried that when Members returned, after Division on Closure, he being, in accordance wi Closure, controverted Rule 186.” the Rule.” the evils that would befall my country if its institutions were thus demoralised, I said I would aie before I would lend a anes to free the schools. But you see, Tos, I haven't died, and that changes the whole situation. Not only — enables me to retain my place in Govern- ot ment bringing in Free Education, but permits me, as CHANCELLOR oF THE Ex- curqueR, actually to find the means for ||! carrying out the system. Can’t under- stand a fellow like this KyaTcmsui- a — At -} 4% He’s a expedient family that counts Baapovrnx as its head.” ** HvG@ESSEN ee .” said Isaac- but is politically a — w I’m S progress ou ll you'll hed, Itposr, my boy, to about the time of day. Business done. — Kesisted Education Bill; firmly led up to table by Har Drxe. Wednesday. — Lively fight shrivelled up, and his sentence, like the unfinished window in ALLaprn's Tower, unfinished must remain. Wrangling went on till a quarter past five, when Tatsor inter- and with — funereal manner moved wrday, 1°25 4 w.—Land Bill just through report stage. Nothing left 6 now but Third Reading. ell, —— said Winp ton, ‘* that will be our last opportunity, and we must make the most of it. In meantime I think we’ve done pretty well. I’m with you. You’re a boy of promise. If anything to me—a stray tack in the or a | anret a the wind-bag were to collapse—you'd do capitally, i ” Winpsac Junior blushed. As Ory Moratrry remarks, Ingenuous ; youth delights in the A ion of Seasoned Seniority. round Deceased Wife's Sister | Business done.—Land at last—I mean Land Parchase Bill through its attractions ; of | ** saat. ther H = ra ex ENEAGE’S oe att ve given way and Ascot would have = as its own. But every- body there— Maxine’ come and chance of Bill for high oratorical feather. rm repeeee | and ent Hon, and learned Gentleman to long list of Amendments warran wa ts things going till half- f in make a legal Jonau of himself and cusiew hie opinions.” looking on with blank amaze- t Jonan swallowed the whale.” to shatter friendships and dis- sever old alliances. Saurre of Matwoop naturally at home in the fray, but rather startling to find Home Srcrerary running amuck at CuamMpentarn. Martruews in his most hoity-toity mood ; uivered with indig- nation; thumped the table; shook a forensic foretinger at the undesignediy offending Josern, went on the rampage. As for Hewzace, he filled up any little pause in uproar a > soe Ty in and — Once,” whilst EDGE was g 2 Amendment bs a Bill, Hewxace dashed in with his Closure motion. Geper’s face a study; mingled surprise, indig- nation, and ineffable re- mantled his mobile ith the rule, seated and wearing his hat, wanted to argue out the question with Country. “fy submit, Sir bh he said, ** that the Hon. Member, in moving the The Chairman: *‘ I think the Hon. Member can scarcely have read Mr. Geoor: “I have read the Rule, Sir. This is what it says—”’ Chairman: ‘Order! Order!” and Gepox subsided. Then TomLinson fortuitously turning up on Treasury Bench, joined in conversation. But Courrwey turned upon him with pam ry THE GENERAL OF THE FUTURE. Scune—Tent in rear ofa Battle-field, Political Officer in attendance upon Army, waiting for Military assistance. Political Officer (impatiently). Now then, Orderly, have you not cect, Renate b bat its w dificult, snoe they rderly ir, but it’s so have passed that new Royal Warrant, to know which is which. Off. (more Ee sony Nonsense!—any General Officer will do. Ord. Very good, Sir. [ Ezrit. Political Officer stamps his foot irritably, when enter First General Officer, hurried/; Pion Of. leh iad aged can T ccsist weet , 1 cor see you, Gene’ act is, we arrange a treaty, pom Lag eT a By yeh ay - fortress on the right side of the river. if we retain the redoubt near the wood as a basis of operations? You see—— — Off. (interrupting). Very sorry, but don’t know anything about 1 Pol, Off. (annoyed). Bat aren’t you a General ? First a Off. Certainly. General-Surgeon. Ta, ta! Sat Pol, Of. We of all the-— (Enter Second Gen. Of.) W what is it? Who are you? Second Gen, Off. Tam a General Officer, and 1 was told you wy my WT Bo I do. Th. The fact is, General, su we arrange a es Fd you think it wise for us to surrender op Ne Second Gen. Off. (interrupting). Alas! my } rae friend, I fear I an Yo of no help © yon—-t S caiatly cut oh ene Hine. Pol. Off. (annoved), But aren't you a General ? : on Off. Certainly. A General-Chaplain. Farewell, dear frien = Pol. Off. Well of all the—— (Enter Third General Officer.) ell, Sir, who and what are you ? Third Gen. Off. (briskly). A General. fone No time to lose. Hear you require me. How can I ou P wen; OF. a. “Ah, this is the sort of man I want! ( Aloud.) ell then, General, we are arranging a treaty, want your advice about retaining a fortress on the right of the river-—— Third OFeod oro \ cumeteee ). Sorry. Can’t help! Net ay province. b Pol, Of. Whauting after him). But aren’t you a General ? MR Gen. Off. (voice heard in the distance.) Yes. General- [ Scene closes in upon political official language unfit for publication. Mosicat Nores.—Saturday Afternoon.—Albert Hall Le mage M. Prancon or Ptawcom—the. production of the “*c” the state of his voice—was encored and “ oy So did Madame Atnant, who was in —_ voice. But her acematliness M. Caxnopvs, who had had given us one violin obbligato, did not again, and so Madame sang, admirably of course, the ever-weloome “Home, Sweet Ilome.” ee = spe pends ty _ = i and |) RURIOLANUS, practising courtl receive a German Emperor, smole ha tload en At The Garden, Mireille, tezived eratitid audience, hasn’t ea thunderous ery of “Oder! Order!” that Tomiimson visibly life in her, but Miss Eames u> NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, a ee = See any descripiiea, will in ne case be returned, not even when accompanied by s Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this ralo there will be no exception. Hic Ane mendi MOR 21) ; Whish Kil run DELI wh THE Pf eu DI, Tor DIA “ Certa GE Devo 4 Mon

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Junz 20, 1891. CURIOUS OLD HICHLAND WHISKIES - 7 10 26 & 26 years is woot. Price per dos. 48/- 60/- 72/- 1280/- An eminent Medical Authority, in recom- mending the moderate use of Whisky, states that on no account should Whisky be used unless it is well Ss . Detailed List on application MOREL BROS, COBBETT & SON (LIMITED), 210 & 211, PICCADILLY; 18 & 19, PALL MALL; 143, REGENT ST. Whisky Bonded Stores, Inverness, N.8. COLD MEDAL, PARIS EXHIBITION, 1878, KINAHAN’S «rz gxux PURE, MILD, AND LL Sue. MELLO WHISKY. DE Liciovs Pixp WHOLESOME, THE PRIZE MEDAL, DUBLIN EXHIBITION, 1865, GUILDFORD STREBT, YORK ROAD, LAMBBTH, 8.x. THE G. B. DIABETES WHISKY |: Contains no Sugar. Is met stored in Sherry Caske. Ter DIABETES, GOUT, & KIDNEY COMPLAINTS. “ Certainly seems to deserve its name.”—Lanose. 48s. per Dos. CARRIAGE PAID, GEO. BACK & CO,, Devonshire Square, London. "Drink GEROLSTEIN BEFORE BREAKFAST. Drink GEROLSTEIN AND WHISKEY AFTER BREAKFAST. | Drink GEROLSTEIN AND RED WINE FOR DINNER. Drink CEROLSTEIN AND WHISKEY AFTER DINNER. GEROLSTEIN COMPANY, 153, CHEAPSIDE. CONCENTRATED SOLUBLE “TT consider it a very rich, delicious FRY’S PURE COCOA Cocoa.-”"—W. H. B. STANLEY, M.D, TAMAR BE. GRILLON, INDIEN GRILLON. 69, Queen Street, City, London. SOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS AND DRUGGISTS, Qs. A LAXATIVE, REFRESHING FRUIT LOZENGE, VERY AGREEABLE TO TAKE. FOR CONSTIPATION, Hemorrhoids, Bile, Loss of Appetite, Gastric and Intestinal Troubles, Headache. 64. A BOX. “JOHANNIS” KING OF TABLE WATERS. CHARCED ENTIRELY WITH NATURAL CAS. Prevents Moe vo + aman and ble health-promoting SUPPLIED AT ALL FIRST-CLASS HOTELS ABD KESTAURANTS. Sample Cases of 60 pints, 18/6, including bottles. JOHANHIS SPRINGS, Ltd., ZOULMAUS, GERMANY. Wro-esate Sroaes— Sta, WHARF ROAD, CITY ROAD, LONDON. THE “PRINCESS SAFETY” PURSE. PREVENTS SNATCHING PREVENTS DROPPING. An elegant ané useful present for a Lady. Trice bs. toZis. each. Of all Stationers, or OBMISTON & GLASS, 17, ST. BRIDE ST., 2.6. JEWSBURY & BROWNS Oriental = : FRERES’ FIRST QUALITY CHAMPAGNE. “ Familiar in Millions of | | Mouths as any Household| | Word.” —TIMEs. | A pollinarts “THE QUEEN of TABLE WATERS,” “ Much favoured by Her | Majesty.” —WorLD. ae | =Too COLT’S NEW for House Protection, Travellers, om for Military Paspeees, takes Eley's cal. apres and all other “3 cal ol Cartridges, TS LGHTHING MAGAZINE RIFLES, Por cont rge and Small Game, Mook Shooting, and Target Practice, iy ae upenes 3 I gamed and T's REVOLVE a | oe A ‘etch Rater at eer a- HOOPING GOUGH, CROUP, HERBAL Faw opis medic ine tole Wholesale Senin, Wrkowstos 157, Queen Victoria Street, Low as Boia by mon ye emis ~~ = oder otis. snows, e New York. Posen. 4 Co., North Willam Btreet. Gold Medals, Paris, 1878: 1 1889, JOSEPH GILLOTT’S PENS. Numbers for use by BANKERS :—Barrel Pens, 225, 226, 262. Slip Pens, 332, 909, 287, 166, 404. In Fine, Medium, and Broad Points. “ EXCELLENT—of Great Value.”—Lancet, June 15, 1889. CONCENTRATED PEPTONIZED NUTRITIOUS. DELICIOUS. DICESTIBLE. SAVORY COCOA ano MILK Tins, 1s. 6d. and 2s. 6d, & MOORE, Gold Medals, 1884, 1886. FOR TRAVELLERS, DELICATE CHILDREN, WEAK BIGESTIONS. obtainable everywhere. LONDON. Continue te be supplied to Her Majesty the Queen. Swans | ee OF DOTH BED —For ARTISTS, maDium td Soe tetin Car 7, Corde, Leather, ae., 5 ENZINE the B re UNITED STATES MAVY REVOLVER Boe, ht Aa for * Golan hi 7 att pER BE ar a. A niist 8. MEDIUM for t—— 4 __ Bat pretty, Core Cards, Teather, &t m oey = —Try “ ‘Collas,” BRAIN, OOLAR. By cain a 8. AB for “ Colas” » reryobtre, O.. on soa b. Oa A hottie. oun nite; J Seneen «& fons a Oxford fold by Agente: &. MOVENDEN & GONS, Loewner. SULPHOLINE it LOTION THE CURE FOR ERUPTIONS, BLOTCHES, ECZEMA, ACNE DISFIGUREMENTS MAKES THE SKIN CLEAR, SMOOTH, SUPPLE, HEALTHY.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jomsz 20, 1891. ADAMS’S FURNITURE POLISH. OLDEST AND BEST. “(the Lady's Newepaper) “ fee's ne bes'ietion im recommending it.” Sold by Grocers, Lronmongers, Ollmen, &¢ Manufactory—#HEFFIELD THE HEAUTY OF THE SKIN ENHANCED BY POUDRE 0 ‘AMOUR (Prepared by Puaen Feenes, Parfumeurs). A letliet Powder combining every , tor desideratu My gientec and Cosmetic benstifying end eotten ing the Skin. it will be equally w weicomed b ’ for angering ® most seteral ——s Cention 4 wi ~ os it mest southing and pleasant sha for we « hie anche for fair skins, Naturelle Bac in Roce ton a for derter complexions, and for use by artificial light Price og ai yes free from observation, le 34. To be of all Hairdressers, Chemists, &c Vicious Depot: BR. HOVEMDEN & SONG, £3, REMNERS STRERT, W. And ‘12, CITY ROAD, RC, LONDON. HOWARD BEDFORD RAKES. USED IN THE ROYAL NURSERIES. BEST FOOD INFANTS. Ln Tins, Is., Os., 6s. and 10s. each. SAVORY & MOORE, oy, AND SOLD EVERYWHERE. ! Wire: a capital + ‘FE polish, the Fart heshe b And we both (declare, as half | ns the sky: e world knows, Though acapital couple , we ,WONT WASH CLOTHES| The World’s most Marvellous Cleanser and Polisher. Makes Tin like Silver, Copper like Gold, Paint like New, Brass Ware like Mirrors, Spotless Earthenware, Crockery like Marble, Marble White. SOLD BY GROCERS, 4d. a oe Bar. IRONMONGERS, AND CHEMISTS. FACE SPOTS FACE SPOTS FACE SPOTS Vinolia THE CHOICEST OF CREAMS. For Itching, Sunburn, Insect Bites, Face Spots, Chafes, &. HCZEMA “ For acne spots on the face it is undoubtedly efficacious.” —Baby, “ An Emollient Cream for the skin in Eczema, Rash, &c.”—Lancet, “ We are able to testify to its value.”— Hospital Gazette, Of all “ As excellent in the Nursery as it is for the Toilet.”—Queen, Chemists, 1s. 0d. ECZEMA ECZEMA ECZEMA ECZEMA ECZEMA “ VINOLIA” POWDER (for Toilet, Nursery, &c.), 1s. 9d. WINOLIA SOAP, 6d., 8d., 10d., and 2s. 64. per Tablet. — Printed Se Se Piatt of Whiteiam, tn tae Oity of Londen, ant Y'ubushed Oy him St Ro. Mises Susect, ws tte Parlsh of BX Belen! Cty of Lenten = , Agnew, & Ca,, Limited, City of London. —Sarvanat, June 2, i, PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY,