Punch 1891-05-16: Vol 100 Iss 2601
The text was read from the page scans by machine (OCR), so it has mistakes and its columns may run together. See the pages · About this title · At the Internet Archive
Page 1
| “ That delightful artist and unsurpassed student of character. Never have the humours of the life of certain classes of English- men been seized with such unerring grasp as in his works; never have they been arrested with more masterly artistic sill.” —Sin Frepericx Leicuton, P.R.A. CHARLES KEENE. Pictures from Punch A SELECTION OF 400 SKETCHES. A Fine Royal Quarto Volume. reat Bocverte Binsee Price 21/-. everte Street, K.C eveny Sa twee ODay FPYVveuUtearee © \ A h 4 40 C | ut Iie by " ( Ws ‘ 4 ’ fh ' Fly I “N° 2601, VOLUME ONE HUNDRED -_e— MAY 16, ‘re ( cm sapseseess 7 s i it o A . 7 \ my The Reh — Se ~ ts oe iin og fh, Wiel, fi LRG 3 ! it itnng Ch) “i Mie SOS AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERA See re — OU Ce YO! Fl, ' Feet PUNE Hh ee ET aati ae an i IVINO LIA SOA . he PUREST, o SAFEST, BEST. “BONSd BIYHL BOING Kegimered at the General Post thee as « Newspaper. |
Page 2
LIBRARY. ke of Beacvost, (Naw Vouw art —~ wey &, » Teo RIDING By but ome by the De na] fuffolk and herkehire, the Hari ‘of Ones * &L Anderson, and A. KB T Wateon pero. By J. Morar Brows. ustretions in the Captain KOBERT Pietes and ¢
Teast by © (ie ot Sas and J. Stewart Aliana Crown @F On Le Amn | Lenena™ eunen, & oO pasrtr.} ‘Y MISS SMITH. By ne Vol, Oe aA ih A “inee — ny Word en's f, ase on the March,” sa)e the Baron | heave . a more exciting tale than the same suthoresss ‘Pretty Miss Smith.” It s ould be Saleen all ot a eitting.” —Tae Danson ve a Woame T’: THE VALLEY. By HanoLD Farner: ols §=6Atall Librarics nerow s writes :—"' It has a crest historical wots erest from ite app rrently faithful — of ¢| tions of the 4. flerent nationsliti sand races ere 6 curtovely grouped tore rT in and state of New Yoru before the war of lependence Wa Heowenew®, Ti, Redford 8, W.C
MIS® BRADDON'S LATEST NOVEL (heap edition Price 3. ; cloth, % “4 NE LIFE, ONE LOVE: a 0 Hovel. By the Author of “Lady Audiey's heoret.” &e The piot is quite simple, and the suthor mates on to diecutse from her readers the solution secret on which her story turns, Like ver 7th ing Miee breddon writes, it is rasy Se cet Te int enast enough to be « good com pan on on railway journey for ali. Daisy is ngenucus and her port ‘ aay fu | diary te bright and ladyiike. - ee, November 6:h 190 yee Life. One Love’ te one of the best of Mise Braddon setovies, It te about a murder. | did not make out who @¢@ it until) I was well inte the serond vo ume and I did not ece how he did it ont the explanation is given near the end of the third volume.” —Taora ovember 13, 1400 iat yo: Semrace & Co, Limited Ee ow? SUNLIGHT BOAP solves the di Teulty
Saves r BUAP QUNLICHT SOAP wonTHLy COMPETITIONS. PRIZES value over £6,000. COMPETITIONS EaCZ MONTE DURING 1891. element of chance in the-.e competitions, * wmnoine of « prise depending entirely on the perseverance and trouble taben te collect the Wrappers, &c WRAPPERS | CARD BOX COMPETITION. COMPETITION 3. Tor Girls & Boys 16 last | Op-x to all aged 17 last birthday acd under. birthday and upwards. raise e.ce morte PRieee Bsce MonTE 6) Blver Roytes Lever 60 Silver Keylers Lever Wal ao Waltham Watches, valine £4 4 value £4 46 each. ew Bend full ‘Same and Address on Post-Card for Rules to LEVER BROS., Lad, PORT SUNLIGRT, | Rear | BIRKENHEAD. re is me PUNCH, OR THE
the moet labour, gi vea to woman th: command of he own tim The lateliigent fed « thousand Pprofital ¢ employments which were utter imposs | bilities under the teileome conditions of the all-day rubbing and scrubbing of the past. To those tli te ondage, the word Reonomy is « mockery. To oC) we ony, cive Sunlight Seap « fir trial. Your prectica eaperence should be the test. Once make the experiment, an ke thourvends, rou mer secribe ery Sarrt, uarrt hours to your LONDON CHARIVARL—Mar 16, 1891.
CHOCOLAT MENIER. FOR BREAKFAST.
AWARDED PRIZE MEDALS AT ALL EXHIBITIONS. Daity Consumption, 50 Tons. SOLD RETAIL EVERYWHERE.
“HEAVIEST POSSIHLE FLATING.” oe Fos MAPPIN & WEBB’S PRINCE’S PLATE, (is6ep.) “MIGHEST ATTAINABLE @vUaLiTY.”
*“UNEQGUALLED FOR HARD WEAR.” RANSOMES’ At the Jubilee Meect- ing of the H.AA.K, Win ‘teor, Her Majest the Queen and H KF Princess Victoria of Prussia each wn Mower hone MOWERS THE BEST in the WORLD. “New Avronsron.” Cusam Avromaron,” “ Woars.” and “Port sp * Mowens, In of) sizes to suit every requirement. Ail Mechimes sent on » Month s Free Trial and Carriege Paid. Supplicd by all Jronmoncers RANSOMES, SIMS &JZFFERIZG.L4 Ipswich
““| ADAMS’S FURNITURE POLISH. THE OLDEST AND BEST. “Tas Queen” (the Lady's Newspaper) “ fecis no hesitation in recommending it.” bold by Grocers, lronmongers, Ollmen, &¢ Manufactory SHEFFIELD CHUBB’S SAFES WILL PREVENT JEWEL ROBBERIES. Pasce Lisrs sent reese. 198, QUEEN VICIORIA STREET, E.C ; @, &T JAMES'S STREET, Pall Moll, London.
SAMUEL BROTHERS. | BOYS’
AMU . phoii HER haveready for immediate wee a very large assortment of BOYS’ and YOUTHS’ CLOTHING, will also be pleased to send, upon application, Parreans of Mareataus for the wear of Gentie- men, HKoys, or Ladies, together with their pew litvernsrep Cata- Loos containingaboat Engravings furniehes cetails of the various departments, with Price Lists. &c. sae 8 Chippit ton Riding and mone Teeeds Cheviots, Homespuns, Berge:, &c. A very large aseo: tment of the preductions of this eminent firm is “ Bron” Serr. always kept im stock. SAMUEL BROTHERS, MERCHANT TAILORS, OUTFITTERS, 4c., 65 & 67, Ludgate Hill, Lonvon, E.C. Workshops :— Pilgrim St., Ludgate Hill, and 46, Gray's Inn Road. WORTH et Cie. (UNDER ROYAL PATRONAGE.) SPECIALITY \\ CORSETS A separate Department for Geatiemen. for every class of Corset. 134, NEW BOND STREET, W. SULPHOLINE oitttix LOTION THE CURE FOR ERUPTIONS, BLOTCHES, ECZEMA, ACNE DISFIGUREMENTS MAKES THE SKIN CLEAR, SMOOTH, SUPPLE, HEALTHY.
God Medals Diplomas, and Highest Awards wher ver exhibite, for Absolute Purity, Superiority of Manufacture, and True Fis vour ARMOUR’S EXTRACT OF BEEF Retains the True Natural Taste and Stimulating Properties of Freshly-Cooked Beef.
Czeletee- bale Plate Powder KON-MBACURIAL Thre “Bhet ant =a _——* ter CLEANING i BLLCT Ku- "LATE clk wly LDALS aworaed, | ie bones, s., te. O6., ond dod
A i STREETER & COMP.’S SPECIALITIES. D!AMONDS, white, and modern cut,
RUBIES « of the pigeon’s blood colour,
SAPPHIRES of the true blue ‘colour, PEARLS of the finest lustre, RARE and “CURIOUS GEMS, and — D!AMONDS of all colours. STREETER & CUMP,, Gem Experts, Bond St, London. OXFORD.-MITRE ONS OF THE MOST ECONOMIC, FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THe Kixgp BEXHILL. - ON - SEA —sc VILLE HOTEL.—A buxuri vous home Leas Bear od Promenate. Passenger levity he clase Cuisine, mynd Golf Links,
HOTEL METRoPoE jow OPEN ecenti ; “ WHITBHALL COUR BRIGHTON or the age —SVisitors EMBANKMENT AND WHITEHALL Pla These excelent ‘uites are fitted with every me convenience, ¢g, Hot and Cold Water Bet Lig't avd HBetis, Visitors’ and Servants’ Lit wl operation right and day, and occupy the tes] position tn London, effording extent: view the Kiver (with the Surrey Hills in the dee and the t mbankment Gardens. They are ake Convenientiy and centraliy situate with res at the principal Clubs, Thestres, Ac. The room s« all finishes to suit the wishes of incoming Trost, and the rentas include eli Rates, Taxes, Ve Supply, lighting and heating of the (orden: ®iatresses, a: d the eervic es of all the Portes the Suites may be viewed at any ‘ime on applicstin & the Superintendent. J. C. Seumeerinio, t Office on the premises; or to Maurros * Son Estate Agents, 1, Cockepur St. (ate Wets o Ww
CELEBRATED BUTTER-SCOTCH Cedllyy whol
HOT MINERAL SPRINGS OF BATE Daily yield 507,600 at a tomperaiar « Kaths founded at mate. by the Komans is the lint Centur: are well known as dein: wot Foysicians Tae ay ARO THE moer comrient * ap Hand De | in the Pump-Koom Let to the Manager wil! receive attention and ev! information. COLDEN BRONZE | HAIR The levely puance “ Chatai im>asrted to Hair of any colour ‘yt ‘sing AADE Fold only by W Ys < 472, Ox ord 8 Leots Price 5s. “. 10s. 6d. 21s, For tinting grey ot Suet Hair BRINE is invalus bie ROWLAND’ MACAS"AR OIL Nourishes and Preserves the Hair, makes it Soft and Silky, and is be ‘ BRILLIANTINE being not too greasy or drying ; 5° ally suited for Ladies’ aud US dren's Hair; bottles, 3+. €d.; od. ODONTO Sweetens the Breath
1s 445
~~ ’ Deca Whitens Prevents Cold
| as oreagee
Page 3
| May 16, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 229 MR. PUNCH’S PRIZE NOVELS. No, XVIL—GASPS. (By O.rm Scurei0r, Author of * Screams,” “ The Allegory of an Asian Ranche.”’) ( You will perceive,” writes the Author of the seen tant py nas yon absclute ym from is allegorical, but it is not by any means stand it. The chief charm of allegorical writing is tine te tin abe the trammels of convention. You write something large and vague, with spy amount of symbols thrown in. The words flow quite a) you cover scores of pages. Then you read it over next morning. If you under- stand it so little as to think some other fellow must have written it, you may be quite certain it is an allegory. When you print it, your _— reads into it all kinds of mysterious and morbid ous emotions, an misin- hn xplanation. That being so, it is quite upnecessary for you to explain ee which saves a great deal of trouble. The plan is an excellent one, | Try it.—Yours, allegorically, 0. 8."} Cuaprer I, Tan?’ Sawnre was stewing kraut in the old Datch saucepan. The scorching rays of African sun were {ae Bow APARTE BLENKINS who was doing his best to be sun by beating Waxpo. His nose was and disa- eeable. He was something Fike HvcKLEBERRY Fuisn’s Dauphin, an amusing, lous, cruel e, but less resourceful. ANT’ SANNIE - laughed; it was so pleasant - to see a German boy ten black and blue. But the ag servants merely It was their custom. is ee in the middle distance Life was playing marbles with the Unknown. And the Unknown said unto Life, “Give me an alley-tor.” But Life ey - at for the commone ying well, and the t a. of him that aimeth is seasoned unto the stroke.” And the Un- known beat his sable wings together, and one black fea- ther flitted far into the breast of the day and fell to earth. And there came a fair-haired Child plucking flowers in the desert with brows bent in thought. And Life said unto the Child, ‘‘ Play with me. And the Unknown id, * * Play with me.’ But the Child raised its soft dow and the tender fingers grew apart, and its thumb was in thought upon its nose, an it spake not at all. And the tothe flitted far, far over the waste, and men came forth and gazed upon it, but it heeded them not. _—m said Life, ‘I am strong. Sep Sere'nes ot me and earth dominion.” But the Unknown p the scattered mar es, concealing them gently, and answered only this—“ 1 ama greater than Life.’ And the Child strayed onwards and the feather flitted, and Tan?’ Sanne still stewed Araut in the old Dutch saucepan, And BonaPaRTs BLENKINS was glad. Cuarrer II. Crvetry, ire g - lty—all’ is ‘cruel ! oxen are stab’ the blood bursts f i heouy,, induststons, dung-collecting eels are bitten in two by care! iosing dogs—everything is wicked sffir has beautiful legs, but he will kick his wife, and Tax’ Sannre, alas! Will not be there to drop a e-tub on thing hangs that inscruta’ le ¢ es intellect Fags the — “7 —— + moenp. Omne tgnotum pro mirifico, I might say, bu er the ger phrase. And I stood at the gate of Heaven, I and Tanv’ Sannre; and we spoke to everybody quite affably ; and they all had time to ‘listen to what we said, and to make suitable replies. And I said, ** Are we all here i And she said, ** Not all.” And I said, “The absent are always in the wrong. ad And she said, ‘‘ I have heard that in French,” And I said, * Is not that impertinent ?”’ Boys are beaten ; And she said, ** No.” eee terpretations of life-problems, and everybody tacks on stone own special . And a great Light fell across her face. as a palm had smitten it, and the name of the palm was Heed anf i ts fruits were five. Sas conn | ooteemed paid Sn tonme of familiarity to the Ever- lasting, and | plan’ = bee upon the where eight children lay prone cht wo about their childish bonnets. And there came a knoc at my door ‘* Eight o’elock !” said One. Arise 1” ** Nay,” I answered; ‘“‘ it cannot be.” “ Bat the water is hot within the can, and the table will be spread for them that break their fast.” **So be it. I rise.” And behold it was a dream! Cuaarrer III, Fan away the mother of the little nigger stood the mother of the little black - pe She ae slowly in garden. But cannot the aunt good gardener churn herself? | No; be { Birnen) to give te the butler apples, peaches, apricots, | Dears { irnen), to give (raf waitin han nd there came Life and The Id wns Lb ny in hand, And behind them came Wealth and V oe lee 5 7 And Infinity was there, and Health, and Wisdom Love. And Refleo- tion was mounted on a steed with Joy. And many other . followed, delicatel in fine linen, wearing Men in Blue a. — roughl _ 8 , saying, ™ Pass away there, pass away And I a ng i A the Lord Mayor's Sho And One said, ‘ No, ” Saks Seem the Cal * vation ne fl ne said, “ No. ” And And ae mols it Se- avau ?” Ani One said again. ‘* No.” And I said, “T have guessed And One said, ‘* Yes.” The , But Real was not (G mane and they ing. Where is y- 2 “T am ‘ Wealth,” ‘which was absurd but No-one laughed. And all a fandango * heir toes. And they wan- At last they came A 6 . wicked aes Senet, Ap - “Tike this. It datas lace.” wind still No- one laughed Wealth touched me, oI Yi was glad. And I said, ‘‘Give me millions. or buy a box ’ and Law seized me and took me to the Cell. Then I said to the Beak, “ Your Worship.” And the Beak said unto me, “* again. Forty shillings.” And again I woke. And it was a striving and a striving and an ending in Nothing. THE EYD. said to TO MLLE. JANE MAY. “ Au clair de la lune, Mon ami Piexnor, Préte-moi ta plume Pour éerire un mot.” Somaya ta plume! Could wit borsem & a —-. & Cupid’ s own pinion, ’tis doubtf vn mot” might be matey which eit he havgily ir hit lee a SN iy to eloquent passion’s glow, Might both bes track mute by the Muse of Damb-Show. That *‘ actions speak louder than words” we all knew ; Bat now we may add, “ and more gracefully ” Performances fine Punch has praised in his But how few take the pas of the Promise— of ** Native Races aND THE Liquor Trarric.””—An important subjec atone omitted at the recent meeting of this Society was ‘‘ ‘The Consumption of Champagne on the Derby and Oaks - The ley 24 Wesrminetex will take the earliest opportunity of rectify- ing this error. VoL. @
Page 4
—$—_ 230 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Mar 16, 1891, ~ ~~ | ' nse wil Ses SERVO ox- SARA ~ »\ ——o—_ LQ a — om. DA — MMW — J = Yi) ma hiss »S )))3 7 Yf YY Ge wy I} ¢ ii : UI5 I Yj v s ' Me ———— > \Y = SSNs a ae) li iy fill } Zl i! WING ¥ — hr! fl > — ~ Cadel Ah f WH, l: | (i Hi Ait It ( vn Peli ae | tiiad (i(( Ay f A BLEND. I rainx I CaN GET "EM TO TAKE TO IF KINDLY.” Tm P Lf Vd The Wine Merchant (G-scu-»). “I'm arnamp come oF ovr Otp Customers won't LIKE IT AT Finst ; BUr, WITH A LITTLE PERSUASION, a whe | will Gar
Page 5
Mar 16, 1891.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ~ ~ - . \ JOKIM THE CELLARER; OR, THE BLEND. Arr.—‘' Simon the Cellarer.” ’Core Joxmm the Cellarer keeps a large store Of choice Party Spirits, d’ye see ; Scotch, Irish, and who can say how many more ? An eclectic old soul is he. But mainly in ‘‘ Blends” he is , dark or pale, For he knows without them his bottlings may fail ; But he never faileth, he archly doth say, For he well knows what tap suits the taste of the day. And ho! ho! ho! his books will show He oft taps the barrels of Brummagem Jor! Jor sits all the time in his own still-room, And a taster clever is he. ’Tis in vain that his enemies kick up a fame, And swear he is half a Torie. But there are sly meetings upon the backstair, And watchers say Jox is oft gossiping there. Now Jox distrusts someone who’s Grand, and who’s Old, And says that he must be kept “‘ out in the cold.” And ho! ho! ho! old Joxm doth know That many a flask of his best comes from Jox. ’Cute Joxru keeps blending Joz’s taps and his own ; Though knowing harsh rumours are rife ; And Brummagem Jok is oft heard to declare, Their partnershi ip may last for life. And Joxr™ says, ‘* some call Brum Jox a bad chap, Bat they ’1l soon learn to relish the taste of his tap, And while I may Brummagem Jor call my friend, 1 think I shall customers find for our * Blend.’” While ho! ho! ho! he’ll chuckle and crow ; ** What, tarn up Brum Joz, my boys? No! no! no!” OPERATIC NOTES. Monday, May 4.—Zfitre pe Lussan's Carmen is about the best when all the other dear charmers are away, and in the character she will probably remain in possession of the field, or, rather, ** the Garden,” till the end of the season. The remainder as before, with Devoyon as Escamilio, But what has be- come of the *‘ go” in the Toréador’s great song? Where are the double encores? Where, indeed, the hearty applause ” Surely it has gone the way of the March in Faust, once so enthusiastically received and cheered to the echo; and now—‘* March off!” It is true that, once let a “‘ tuney tune” become vulgarised by street-musi- cians, and organic disease would be sufli- cient to kill it were it not tortured and | ~~ ™\ , ground todeath by remorseless hands. But > er the Toréador’s song and the March have Bh not been the victims of an organised oppo- sition. Perhaps. though, they may have been, only ’tis so long ago as not to be within the ken of the present deponent. Anyhow, the Toréador’s song goes for nothing nowadays, and yet ’tis as good as ever, Thursday.—We welcomed The Don. Not the Academic Don once 80 popularly represented by Mr. J. L. Toone, but Mozart's | ltalianised Spanish Don. 4 propos of Mr. Toore, it has always | been the wonder of his friends, to whom the quality of his vocal | powers is so well known, that he has never been tempted to renounce | the simple histrionic for the lyric Drama. It is said, and “* greatly to his credit,” that, had it not been for his unwillingness to rob his friend Sims Reeves of the laurel-crown he wears as first English Tenor of his age, he would long ago have set up a most dangerous opposition to t sweet singer, and have ridden off victoriously with ‘* My Pretty Jane” seated up behind him, pillion-wise, on the noble steed known as “* The Bay of Biscay O!” But the above is an entr’acte, shorter than those at Covent Garden by the way. M. Mavnet first-rate as the Don, both in acting and singing, even better in former than latter; but the dear old serenade, which never can be vulgarised, in spite of its popularity, was encored, and the encore was gracefully accepted, Signor Brviewant being in the chair, and willing to tap the desk and announce, “ Gentlemen! Monsieur Mavret will oblige again!” Applause. __ Jf all the village maidens could dress in a costume such as Miss /fxre-ZeRuiwa wears, then, to take the best and nicest view of it that village must be uncommonly ay set Probably tourists’ Visits are not few and far between : but anyhow, even the most un- suspicious bumpkin of a lover, would be inclined to ask a few ques- ions about this finery. However, her performance was as fine as Son of the House, “ You'’nxe wot Danctnc, Me. Lampert! Don’t You wish To?” Mr. Lambert (who is not so slim as he used to be), “ CamTaAIntY—IP | You CAN FIND MB A Concave PARTNER/” the dress, and she looked quite the Zfét1e-Z entra, so fascinating to the Lord and the Lout. Saturday.— Roméo et Juliette, that is, M. Jeaw pe Reezeé and Mile. Eames. A nearly perfect performance. Jay a trifle too stout for an ideal Romeo, but of course he couldn’t go into training for the part at short notice, The spirit with which he oe part far outweighed the ~ ty the my ae pause ac - one ue every way, thoug r singing 0 tz was not zling work brilliancy. Brother Nep was the Frere Laurent, Excellent, The name. Anglo-Frenchified, suggests a reverend gentleman who would meddle with legal tgesringss and perform private ceremonies without leave or licence from his Ordinary. ight be known as Brother Law-wrong, an Extra-Ordinary Friar. The House full with an audience as brilliant as the performance. THE LAST SONG. [Mr. Sims Rezves was announced to sing “ Total Eclipse” at his Farewell Concert on Monday.) Farewett! A most unwelcome word to all Winton otal eclipse— on their Who love pure melody and polished Art. Memory will echo long the silvery chime Of such a voice as even ruthless Might stay his stride to listen to, and spare From the corroding touch. Some scarce will care To hear “* Tom Bowling” sung by other lips, And when in tenor strains ** Tota/ ; Sounds next upon our ears, Sirus Rexves will seem To sing again to us as in a pleasant dream,
Page 6
232 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. a [Mar 16, 189] ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, May 4.—Windbag Sextox had fine opportunity to-night ; made the most of it. Sermour Kear absent iocush greater part of sitting. Various ramours current in ¢xplana- tion of the happy accident. Inflaenzs hinted familiar with both, says (rippe much too knowing to link itself with Member for Elgin and Nairn. Towards Eleven o’Clock, rumour set at rest by appearance of Kear. Simple explanation of tem absence is, that he has been at home, drawing up a few more Amendments. _— 1 In his absence, Windbag had it all to himself. How many speeches he has mad through the dreary sitting am afraid to reckon up. om odes of Dawe let- ters, e a cigar, read evening papers, or dine, leave him on his legs, with one hand ia pocket, and smile of serene satisfaction on face, prosing on, Coming back, they find him still in same position spperently saying same thing. Has lately developed new ora- torical charm. Constantly repeats his sen- tences, word for word. wereaey cleared out, even Mr. G., and Jouw Mortry. Only Prince Antuva left languorous on Treasury —T like a lil **Drooping like a li , McEwan says. Not that he’s given to Bes 7 «(of the kind; but, being lately at a wedding Mr. Mek feast smothered ia flowers, some of them have - got into his conversation. Business done. — In Committee on Irish Land Bill, but no forrader. Tuesday.—** Do you think I ought to wear Tony?” It was Monatrry who spoke. We were room at House ; oe ourselves away 4 } ey a Bill, where, a oddly enough Sexton c to speaking. Mora.rry has made Lord Warden of the Cinque Ports, and is try ing. = his uniform, Rather piratical arrangement ; blue cloth coat wl round his waist, with holster thrust in it, con- taining the horse - pistol with which Pitt armed himself when he sat at the window of Walmer Cas- tle, looking across the Channel, mo- mentarily expecting to discover BomkyY cross- ing in a flat- bottomed boat. The trousers are of scarlet with broad braid of gold lace on outer seams. Finally there is a trueulent cocked hat, which OLD MoRAaLity persists in puttin on ; with the peak W. H. Smith in hie new character »s Warden of the Ciaque astarn. The Ports and Constable of Dover Castle. dress is picturesque, and Orv Moratiry’s figure lends itself to it with peculiar grace and fitness. “I fancy WeLLixet0N wore spurs,” the Lord Warden persisted. Yes, I point out; but Pirr dient, nor did Patuxrstow, Anyhow at; but Grand Young Ganpyer, who is . ©) Bench in succession to Disragtr and (Giapsrone; now he wi out of water,” | [just as well not to begin with spurs. Might in time grow up to them, as it were. Wanted the Lord Warden to enter House in his uniform: sadly in need of sensation. One would certainly be provided if Old Moraurry were discovered sitting on Treasury Bench in his present costume. ** No,” he said, ** would think I was going to move or second i used to the clothes a little before i See them in public places.” go back to House myself, leaving the Lord Warden marching up and down, making believe he is on the ram at Walmer, yay Fa when I arrive Wind Sexton ing a speech, the few Members t talking about Old Moratirr’s promotion. A id rous pt yyy People apt just then to discover al] | kinds of shortcomings, reasons why promotion should have fallen — — no one gradges Op er eee = high and ancient honour ; a chapter in the pleasant story of ‘* Mr. Surru,” |a new ‘* Part of His Life.” For five years he has sat on the Treasu answer for the safety of the Cinque Ports in succession to Pitt and | Wettrreron, Datnovsre and Patmerston. Business done.—(in Moratrry made Lord Warden of the Cinque Ports. Thursday.—** Tay Pay also among the Gentlemen of England!” 5 Sace or — Anne's a oe oe almost moved out jof his customar ~possession. It certainly seems so. Came about on Second Reading of Tramways Bill; permetee want to bring tramway over Westminster Bridge, and along Embank- ment. Demos desires to go about his business on the tramway, and does not see why he should be arbitrarily stop: before he has }accomplished his journey. Carriage folk say, No; let Demos and his penny tram stop at other side of the water, leaving the broad | thoroughfare of the Embankment for what Rapciirre Cooxe called | ** the gilded chariot.” | Debate gone forward for some time. No one expected to find | Tay Pay in this . Since his return from Ameriky hasn't opened his voice in debate; spoken in public only once. That was to his constituents in Scotland Road, Liverpool; announced with |portentous blast in advance that then and there the anxious world should learn what side he took in the leadership controversy. Others | had declared themselves, whether for Brer Fox or Brer Razsrr. The | momentous issue of Tay Pay’s decision required further deliberation. So all the world had to wait till Tay Pay eame home and saw his constituents. Result not altogether satisfactory. As Tm Heaty put it, “‘Tay Pay showed disposition to hunt with Brer Fox and run with Brer Rassrr.” If in the end Brer Road speech need rev Lie pd mn nD ent him returnin to his allegiance. If Brer Fox remain under a cloud, he could along with Brer Razsrr. Been not to spoil the little game by taking part in debate in ouse. | Now, on this London Tramways Bill, | which touches neither Brer Fox nor Brer | Rapper, Tay Pay interposes. Conserva- tives snort impatiently when he rises; cry sloud for division; take it for ted that Tay Pay will back up Demos’s demand | for equal right of way. Bat Tay Pay has genuine little surprise in store; is loftily contemptuous of tramways, doncha. If they cross the bridge and approach the inets of the West End, what is to of carriage-folk? ‘‘A noisy and | inconvenient system of locomotion,” said Tay Pay, shuddering with disgust, as though he l a coarse voice crying ** Fares, please!” D House roared with laughter ; Rapciirre emes. Cooxe talked about opposition ‘* coming trom Members who hoped to ride in gilded coaches” ; Caxmer rudely reminded Tay Pay that ten or fifteen years ago, he would have taken a very different view of the convenience of tramway cars. This wasn’t pleasant; but when the Division bell rang, Tay Pay had the satisfaction of walking, alone Sieatigg the ceil aatiies: ai ad ieeneeae pai e icatin te against tramway ime since es af Goanate wi a scene so rich as this in material for reflection. Business done.—Tay Pay declares cones trams. — ’ _ Friday.—Attendance on House gradually diminishing ; what with influenza, and Irish Land Bill in Committee, Members gradually | thinning off. No M.P. complete without his influenza. Barks not be out of anything if its humble, but conscientious Member can manage 1: so L’ve ** ” the influenza, or the influenza’s ‘‘ took | me. m't exactly kn»w how it came about. Anyhow, we’re in together. Business done.— Don’t know anything about it. ~
Page 7
Mar 16, 1891.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL LEAVES FROM A CANDIDATE’S DIARY. [conTrnvED.] Wednesday, A 30th, “‘ George Hotel,” Billsbury. — Spent yesterday — iin before in px - Tn at the Temple. "No work as usual. Think I shall give it all up, and take entirely to pain. Yesterday afternoon a Mr. Ricnarpson GrooraM nd on = B . fal writen me in SS hel to informa- naturally in the welfare of the old P found it best to make the Metropolis.” interview. manner, and thoroughly pthamen with all I move Oe have 1.) -, to sa “y. it —" yi... - 2. & eae if he is “* History in four volumes. I asked him who had be bhiobed it and w he said h be bal Sos mae e the vietim of intrigues, and had | secured a publish her, though, there was any amount o made out of the book ould I like to read it my candid opinion of it? Excused myself pressure of work. He talked like this for about at last came to what he called the chief he had in the course of his investigati acquire im t and exclusive knowledge lite of Sir Tomas Causson and his chiet su ‘If it is published,” he Billsbury? “it wi prospects of Radicalism in Bills 1 A. not a i must consider my family. Still, for you, that I am willing to ~ ty these stories in your hands on payment of £150 down. that wasn’t my way either of fighting a constituency business, whereupon he became more voluble than ever, | end of a job to get rid of the oily beast. Jexra™ tells me | he was once a woah ee elerk in Billsbury, and had to account of some missing money. Since to ha a shady = maak my ny cere tae at blackmail. Faugh! Came down to Billsbury to-day, to attend the inau | the season of the Billabary Cricket Club. I ama and so is Cousson. The dinner was in the “Blue Posts Hotel.” General Bawnaryne, an old Indian, who is the President of the Club, was in the chair, having Cuvsson on his right, and me on his left. Old Cuvupson, to to whom I was intro- duced, seems not half « ae old fellow, but he can’t speak a bit. as leather, and the bad conse mee awful, thing as yin ee i abinet Padding more than ~ ~y ne, ever f od d Politics, tasted—which is saying a Rerity to § to the Billsbury C. C. e spend our time in Seeding ona? 4 servative, who had drunk too much, shouted, oe change sides, too”’—an allusion to the fact that Cun in be to have started in politics as a Tory. rupter, and Cuusson finished his speech must have and Jtarted i ne ” fa Be is un 2 eK tend, Sir Th wy ~ met battens ‘al I introduced to him to-day. We another out, but I know we shall play the game according to the general, and Billsbury cricketers in celebrated.” ped eb my et ee I think I took the ry yo Later Ng nas was a shocking =e between 00 town-councillors, w loggerheads over question of the Billsbury Waterworks. It was smoothed over, however, everybody had shouted “* No polities!” for about ten minutes. ToLLaND says we must begin to canvas a little soon. Horrible work, work, bat absolutely necessary. shine out of CHuBsoN. rules, and in that wet nh clicks eee tt BOWLS. (By a Burren.) “ Unfortunately (at bowls) one had to ‘vith conquer : it is that stooping which (except in politics) plays the deuce with us after fifty.” Yus, Parn, E ge on ane Bape pe The vertebr When a en bends his Tis seo fty — If only to pall off his boots he at . Finds that curve in his spine is on the strength which middle-age must be thrifty. But Bowls! Yes, my boy, it’s a joll T h athletic fanatics vote i ut sense is not baffled The Emerald Green and ine ‘0 You have not to ‘‘ sprint” o’er some To“ ” or to scam Yes, Par, the “‘ crank in,” and the ‘‘ kies of the Jack,” All-—save, a8 you say, that darned bend in the back— the old is tful. A by eas pee the bowl” once a" & with wih Para ! it to Te, ene Be tener is Hightfal AM By Jove, A THEATRICAL PLUNGE; OR, TAKING A HEDDA. A ptuner indeed! but fortunately the swimmers are strong, and able to save the suicidal Ibsenites. For my part,—that ir, as one of audience drawn by curiosity,—I should say that were it ee 4 joangeonse y iss Eviza- BETH 4 as the Hanwellian heroine, Insen’s Hedda Gabler would scarcely have been allowed a second night’s existence at the Vaudeville. Miss Ropixs is so much in earnest—as a true artist should be—that she excites your curiosity to discover what on earth she is taking all this trouble about ; and thus she —, your attention. That the result is eminently no fault of hers. The nonsense ; : A Powerful Cast. the weakest of the Robertsonian Comedies, and had thought he could do something like it in a tragic vein. In the last Act there is a situation reminding us et yt of one Cam” | meert soene in Caste ; Coremtp Comeaten and pasty jveoted by Con- | its author ; here—so repulaivel y treated by Insen. Let it be reduced to serious burlesque, and let us bave it played by PERLRY as George Tesman, AuTHuR Ropers (with a song) as Judge Brack, Wenpon - | Grossmiru as Ejlbert Livborg, Miss Lorrre Vewne as Mrs, Hedda Tesman, Mrs. Jonx Woop as Aunt Juliana, and Miss Jzssiz Born (with song and dance) as Mrs. Elvsted, It is announeed in the bill as ‘‘Insen’s Last Play.” There’s a crumb of comfort in this. QUEER QUERIES,
Page 8
te (May 16, 1891, ‘34 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL The New Curate, *‘1 po wor. CLERICAL ASTHETICS. Fair Parishioner. ‘'AsxD vO You LIke THE Potrrt, Mr. Avrio.?” Ee—tr HIDES TOO MUCH OF THE FiovRE, AND I LIKE EVeRY SdAKE OF THE SURPLICE TO TELL!” = aaa | ee - = == = + aa : r= Hil | +e ~~) “BLOOD” ¥. “BULLION.” “ Wet then, it now appears you need my help. Go to then: you co ne to me, and you say, ‘Su yYLoox, we would have moneys ’—you say #0; You that did void your rheum upon my beard, And foot me, as you spurn a stranger cur Over your threshold : moneys is your suit. What should I say to you > Bhould I not say * Hath a dog money ?’” Merchant of Venice, Act L., Scene 3. * Wirn bated breath and whispering humble- ness?” Not so! There comes a season when the stress Of insolent and exacting tyranny Makes the most patient turn. Autoeracy, Without the despot’s vaunted virtue, pride, Shows small indeed. Can Power lay aside Its swaggering port, and low petition make (Deiven *7 those Treasury thirsts which never e) For help from those it harries ? scourge Was the taskmaster’s weapon, used to urge The Hebrew bondemen to their tale of toil, Bat they round whom the Russian’s knout thongs coil, Are of the breed of those the Russian palm Can make petition to. Could triamph balm The wounds of ages, here were balm indeed ; Bat blood revolts. __ Race of the changeless creed, And ever-shifting sojourn, Suaksreane’s Paaraon's type Deep meaning hides, which, when the world is ripe For wider wisdom, when the palsying curse Of prejudice, the canker of the purse, And blind blood-hatred, shall a little lift, Will shine, like sunburst through a rift In congregated cloud-wracks. Shylock stands Badged with black shame in all the baser lands. Use him, and—spit on him! That’s Gentile | wont ; Make him gold-conduit, and befoul the font,— | That ’s the true despot-plan through all the days, And cackling Gratianos chorus praise. “The Jew shal) have all jastice.”’ he so? The hae drains, his gold, then bids o|” him—"* Shylock? The name bears insult in its sound ; Bat Ae was nobler than the curs who hound The patient Hebrew from his home, and drive Deathward the stronger souls they dread alive. Shylock? 8» brand him, boors and babbling wags, Whoscorn him, yet would share his money-bags; Who hate him, yet can stoop to such appeal ! Beneath his meekness there’s a soul of steel. High-featured, amply-bearded, see he stands Facing the Autocrat ; those sinewy hands, Shaped but for clutching—so his slanderers say — The huckster bait can coldly putaway ** Blood against bullion.” The Jew- baiting band Howl frantic execration o’er the land ; Malign and menace, pi Though the heart ’s hot, be mute. , persecute ; e mouth must fain The edict fulminates, the goad pursues ; Proscription, deprivation,—ay, they use All the old tortures, nor are content, But — the work with ruthless banish- men And then—then the proud Muscovite seeks grace, | And gold, from kinsmen of the harried race! **He would have moneys” from the Hebrew hoard To swell his state, or whet his warlike sword ; Perchance buy heavier scourges for the backs Shall Of lesser Hebrews, whom his wolfish packs Of salari ini ed minions hunt. Take back thine hand, Pare Autocrat, and understand Go! oaee not, rules not, serves not, salves not a Blood speaks—in favour of the helpless thrall od per . Here’s no tame Shylock : he ) not bend low, and in a bon ‘s key, Make o’er his money- bags with unctuous grace To an enthroned enslaver of his race. ““ Well then, it now appears you need my help” [yelp ‘) (You— whose trained curs at my kinsmen ** What should I say to you? Should I not say, **Hath a dog money?” Blood’s response is—* Nay!” A soMEWaatT curious association of names and ideas occurs in last week's Sporting and Dramatic, where there is an illustration of some ceremony taking place which is described as ‘' The Ranve's Foundation May Day Cele- bration.” Odd, that this particular Raw should always fall on the First of May.
Page 9
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—May 16, 1891. EXPULSION \MFIEWS Nas cE EAE Ss “BLOOD” VERSUS “BULLION.” “WELL THEN, IT NOW APPEARS YOU NEED MY HELP: YOU THAT DID VOID YOUR RHEUM UPON MY BEARD, AND FOOT ME, AS YOU SPURN A STRANGER CUR OVER YOUR THRESHOLD; MONEYS I8 YOUR SUIT. WHAT SHOULD I 8AY TO YOU?t"—Merchant of Venice, Act 1., Be. 3.
Page 10
ee of G. | facta Sec paint ln the
Page 11
May 16, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —_—— ODE TO COMPENSA- TION. (After Krinxzs Wurrt.) | “That blessed word— ‘Compensation.’ ” Come Compensation, come ! [elad, Hel or tl tl done the trick.” We have been sold, no doubt. But Forrest Forrow Not in thy terrors comes, — Bat in thy fairest, ap fellow that And in the Commons sneaks a vote Which sticks hard in Thou must not come as ** Right,” | That is—alas!—*‘too steep,” |The Law has put its | foot hard down, — | And “ Bowe,” sofar, is quite done brown; | Icmakes the ** Wit- | ler” weep! | N»" Vested Interest,” | Whereon to found a claim ? [have done | And after all that we Tu keep the Tories in the run! [shame ! It is a thundering We deemed Sir Ep- Wak CLARKE Koew what he was about ; Dall churls, to jus- tice deaf ! Come, Compensation, come | [door, Come in by the back- unawares, come anyhow, Cone come tosmooth the brow [and poor, Of Wittlers weak Gorcurn has played us ; It makes our bosom ache. But to abate our in- dignation If he'll secure us Com: tion, Hell conmpenmsiion rake, Tae TRaIner txvorMs HIs Lonpsuip THAT HIs New Porcwase “ witt TAKE A Lot oF Bratina,” / wr" Ce ~—s bt . AND——SO HE DID! OV ’ 7 First C. Anything else ? | Second C’. From a German point of view— | = ERHEARD AT EARL 8 COURT. | Second C. I enjoyed the Switchback Rail- | entirely so. wee ep ed am a g wet Citzen, And what did you see at the | we. | First C, Exactly—and, were they not there, — Exhibition ? ; , ‘rst C. I see—anything else ? | you would ex as much patronage to the lot ean ae ~ » & magnificent collection - the ome in the Circle ee would go there as c! many manu- m joyment, as an en- | uen factures, and & veral German Bands. thusiastic admires of all ‘hat le German, I | Becond C. Yes—in spirit, if not in person. | First C, Are these the only attractions? | do not consider them enti necessary First C. And if for the German com> other 3 f entirely second C, No, there is ly| First C. Anything further ? foreign element were substituted ? painted canvas representing German scenery, Second Second C. No doubt soe is C. There are the lights aaa | First C. But of course these are superfluous’ as much in person, but not in German in the grounds,
Page 12
238 . PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Mar 16, 1891, | THE PICK OF THE PICTURES. (AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY.) ey "Yi , ea ly yy) -— ia. No. 475. A Day's Sport in the Olden Times. Ancient Mariner regrets that guns are not yet invented, wishes he ‘d brought a Bow and Arrow with him, J. Waterhouse, A. No. 167. Pott Luck; or, the Arch Archdeacon. W. B. Richmond, A. ™No. 467. “Angela Vanbrugh” playing the Fiddle; or, All p= with her Beau, Epwis Lore, R.A, No. 558. Lady going out for a row. Odd sort of boat: Wherry Fanny. E. Brare Letenrton. 630. “Jona.” By Corum Huwres, A. L No. 138. Tootey Pooteies. “ Odear, what is the matter with my poor feet!!" Edith Sprague. No. 129. “ Love in Winter.” By G. H. Bovenros, A. Bat a poor sort of amusement for this nice young lady to be walking out all alone with a big muff! eh? Mr. Bovenron, No. eh ? . Bay it, and in Iona own 8 . No. 292. Bar-Maids Resting. W.R. Srxruzns. No. 518. A PracticalJoke. “Ishall No, 664. “La Cigale.” A ing subject No. 346, “ Moor and Mountain.” By Cuantzs *tartle "em if I go in suddenly dressed guegestive of “Got nothing on.” It is not a por- Sruarr. The name Cuartes Stuart suggests like this. J. C. Horsley, R.A. yet, of Lo Coat ob the asta, H. Raz. “ restoration,” but this isa brand new work. It is mostly mountain,| No. 714. Wind Lads and Wind-Lasses. Faawx Dicusee, A. and very little more. No. 743. “If I had a donkey what wouldn’t go.” Arraep W. No, 397, “* Miss Lyprta Lestre at her lessons” may be termed a | Sravrr. group of One or Little Daughter and Less Sons. G. D. Lesure,R.A.| No. 1006. A Little Dack. Wr Sravrr. (Must be seen for No. 410. Two horses in a field during a Snowstorm. Goed subject title to be jated.) for a Tavern sign-board, entitled, ‘Two Out.” EpwanpSrorr. | No. 1106. Hares Apparent. Wrc11™ Fosrer. No. 452. “Mrs. X——,” ie, a lady with deal of dash.| No. 1108. Napoleon leaving the room where Josephine is fainting Hven pe T. Giazeproox. good | on the floor, Short title, " Going Nap.” Lastert J. Port. i} |
Page 13
May 16, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 239 THE A B C OF IBSENITY. Ses Ses Sarees is the Master, speak soft as you name him, | nendermagen » 80 ea oes ee ponents, w out their mind, tands for Punch, where his dramas you ’!I find. i ould Rosmer have wed her ? i the pe Rg o> Ne ite excited, e Ww uite exci the Temper, shows nitrite e Unqu ai some, V is the Vandeville where all come, W stands for the Worshipping Few, X their Xtreme di i view. Y ends Ibsenity, and, as everyone knows, Z brings an alphabet rhyme to a close. E a> = GQASFOVOS Er AaHMommverp e os OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. The Diary of a Pilgrimage occupies 175 psges of one of AnRow- euirn's three-and-sixpenny books, and no doubt the admirers of its author, Mr, Jerome K. Jzzome, may possibly not grudge this |amount when gauging its value by its attractive cover. It is “?Aury Abroad,” that’s all. ’Arry Abroad laughs and talks | loudly in foreign churches, sneers and jeers at everything he does | not understand—and this inclades the greater of all he sees | and hears—chsffs puzzled officials, and everywh es himself | highly and exceptionally - In this Diary ’Arny is occa- | sionally rather amusing when he is endea to be either serious or sentimental, or both. ’ARRY serious or’ARRY sentimental, | or "Anky sentimentally serious and expestios te be taken at his own | valuation, is of course delightful, only a little of it rae ¢ r a great way, | and this Cockney pil goes too far, especially w giving us his | valuable opinion on the Passion Play. ’Arry on the Passion Play ‘and the character of Jupas Iscazior! As Hedda Gabler’s husband | | observes on every possible opportunity—** Fancy that /” Only once | the Baron finds himself in agreement with the travelling ’Aurr, | and this ha when he says, “‘ I must candidly confess that the | | English-speaking people one meets with on the Continent are, | taken asa whole, a most disagreeable contingent.” Yes, certainly, | when they are all ’Arries. Set an ’Arnry to catch an ’ARRy, and of |course to the regular right-down ’Arny all other ’Axnnres, not |'appnin’ to ’ave the Aonour of being ’is own partics, are detestably | | vulgar cads, The remainder of the book, s.¢., 131 is with essays, a fact not mentioned on the outside of work, which, | like ee covers a multitude of sins. Whether this is quite a fair way of stating contents, is a question which the | both Publishers and Author have thoroughly considered. Don’t skip Ettew Terny’s Memoirs in The New Review, Nothing | much in them, but delightfully chatty and amusing. See Murray’s | Magazine for Mr. GvLapsTrong on the Tay Manan, in the | number for the ‘‘ Murray Month of May.” W you are routi | about for somethi rt and amusing, take up the CornAsii, read A Fiash in the Pan. I have com says the Baron, my friend Grornce Menepitu’s One of Our ors. Now G, M. is an pulien same we does not admit of the Sma ny and ee exercise of s ipping 6 i i gone. G. M.’s ab ee perused and crow over. tranquil place its name ay then to that secluded yourself with your Gzorecz Merepiru, O happy ; studious reader, and in peace. Since the time of Richard Feverel, which I shall always consider his best, “‘ of the very best” as Zeno of the Monte Carlo Bar has it, G. M. has de into a gold-beater of epigrams. served him as a two-li is now out over a pages. Two volumes i of three serve his turn far or rather the public’s turn, for his own is a very i my task, says the Baron, give me a slight as it were, or a sip of the » i Baron supposes | long Festina lente. More anon irom Tue Banow pz Boox-Wo ROBERT ON ENGLISH AND FOREIGN WAITERS. acchally’ told = and ee be Tad Tomei We Hike seat se apply of the’ oval Nawal Xtibitien, talus be bene Gem Uli HU = | ROYAL NAVAL EXHIBITION NO ENGLISH NEED APPLY. GERMANS. ONLY Nawal Khibishun unless he ‘* Rule, Britannia, Britannia rules the Waves! For Britons never, never, NEVER Shall be Slaves!” Robert the Waiter. ‘‘Waat'’s THis! ‘No Esoiisa weep apriy! GERMANS ONLY TAKEN’! Tas ‘ BRITONS NEVER SHALL BE Staves’ WITH A WENGEANCE !” I never knowed as Jack Tars, and Powder-Munkys, and Admerals (as is so fond of Port, that they takes the werry name), was so werry parshal to Germans, that they woud sooner go without their dinners i other most suttenly ; Waiters says. It 'ud be a jolly i I shood think, before your real British Sailers wood learn a Waiter a Gasson, tho’ as it means, I’m told,a Boy, is sum little sense in it, coz there’s, in course, Old Boys as well as ones; but what on airth meaning is there in a Kelner! as I'm y told all German Waiters insists on being called! Why thing ’s too absurd to tork about. ides the British Publick is used to our little wa Li he
Page 14
240 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Mar 16, 1891,
————_—_—— = $$ ___ ss SPECIMENS FROM MR. PUNCH’S SCAMP-ALBUM. | #7" te SPiaiN: vere estos PT should so like to sec eianate No. 1V.—Taz Hespaxn’s Otp Scnoor-reLiow. the dear old chap has altered... Ab, I should hardly have known We will soppore that you are a young wife, and that your husband is abeent in the City during the greater part of the day. One after- noon a card is brought in bearing the inscription :— Captain CaULKER, United Service Club. The Hermitage, Coventry. which document is followed closely by a tall, well-groomed, rather portly and florid stranger, with a military moustache, who greets you with the utmost cordiality. “I appened to find myself in this neigh- bourhood,” he says, “‘and I could not —I really could not—resist this oppor- tunity. My name, I venture to think, is a sufficient introduction ?” It is nothing of the sort— but you are too shy and too polite to'admit it, so you merely murmur some inco- herency. He detects you 4 atonce. “Ah!” heories, “ in good-tempered reproach ; **T see, I've been too san- ine. Now confess, my dear lady, you ven't a notion who I am!” Thus brought to bay, you own that you have no clue to your visitor's iden- tity—as yet. ‘*‘ Well—well,” he says, tolerantly, ‘‘ Time is a terrible sponge— though I had hoped that, even after all these yesra, your dear hus might have occasionally mentioned the name of his old school-chum! I’ve never for- gotten Aim—no, all through the years I’ve been in India I’ve never forgotten = il dear old Watrer!” , ** Bat my husband’snameis Wmuu!” : you say here. ®, “He was always Water to me, Madam, or rather—Watry. He was s0 like a favourite young brother of mine, who died young. That drew us together from the first. Did dear old Warry never tell you how he eaved my life once?... No So like him!—he wouldn't. But he did, though; yes, by Gad, jumped into fifteen foot of water after me, and kept me up when I was going under for the last time. Pardon me, but I see a photograph upon your writing-table—surely, unless I am wrong, that——” — " That is a portrait of my only brother,” you will say; ‘‘ he is out in India with his regiment—perhaps you may have met him
‘ ’
him-and yet, yes, the boy there, I can see my old Warr Mrs. Gostrna, like those we e i enough silver to—no, I haven't, by Jove ! change for a—well, really, this is very awkward. a ve poctirds come out with a shilli thong wan & sepeenion I shall a half-crown in the old days. Absurd predicament to be in, and if I | my cabman waiting, I don’t know what he mayn’t charge took him hours me. ego. I tell you pet, wy dear Mrs. Gosrire ; If you'll advance me a sovereign, I run out and settle with the fellow, and then it won't aigaity how I wait for Warry. ’m sure! ATTY will Can you? Too good of you, chaff me when he hears oho bean berde Here your ear, sharpened by affection, catches a well-known turn of the latch-key at your front-door. ‘* Why, how fortunate!” you exclaim, “ here is py henend avvedy, Captain Cautker. He will is shoes.’ come in as soon as ** Capital !”’ the Captain. ‘‘ Look here, Mrs, Gostre,—I’ve just —— NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any descripuon, wil im no case be returned, not even when accompanied by « Stamped and Addressed Raveiope, Cover, or Wrapper. there will be ne exception. To this rale
THE FA! To 8 Was i TEE THe Bier Kecomme URS & ont _
* Famii Mouth = Word” —' A Hz “TH Quer “ Much Majesty, Pay
Page 15
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Mar 16, 1891. hm T Do WHISKY CORK DISTILLERIES COMPANY, Limited, Head Offices: MORRISON'S ISLAND, CORK. UAM-VAR WHISKY, THE FAMOUS OLD SCOTCH. TO BE HAD Wes 1H TEE PALACE AWD PBS SRIELING. THE BLST LOK CAMP, MOOR, OR LoCu. Nighest Awards. Krcommended by the Medieal Faculty. WES s GRIETS, EDIMBUREM acd LONDON, CARLTON HIGHLAND MALT WHISKEY. ELEVEN YEARS OLD, OP MEDAL, CALCUTTA BAMIRITION, le > ngs Gall.; S00 the om tart fe NH. MATHEWS r C0., ud 25, Hart $t,, Bloomsbury, W.C. bald by a Laspise a Manepesre th throughout ey & 00:8 phaa2 ‘TivRst @ Wt wrtaves to rene ig sEW SPRING PATTERNS, ce et 4 ew Carri ge Paid ps AL Ou CHAS. CAMERON, M_D., says.—" $2 Resctons Bast, ativan staptet te the wens of ntats. NEAV De. BARTLETT, Pa.D., F04., sapere: ee Pes E'S FO To rae sot THE A000, FOOD & Sed bene fren comsttwente are far above the Write to D :r ington at ence Sent POST FREE on ASpprovel. PEASE’S World-renowned motte. carpe appro eases ‘a rr 4 thin = im Great briteip, and to Debdlia Cork ond Waterlord. ox | HY. PEASE & 00.8 SUCCESSORS, Mills, Darlia senses tek Sale Room : a KRBUENT oTREBT. OTIGE.—ESPECIALLY To LADIES. LFRED D WEBs | MILES & COMPANY Saeer. MANOVE. i Setsne, Soups fed extensi ve ination to thelr v ag BY mone. of suv) NILE . & select variety o ee las “hone: — bors from four years of A Suit, Ges oth ur &e., &e.. ot ine highest’ » B- ad , WAL bo slaays kept im stock + vaiy = bee eaeh pas " PRINCESS SAFETY * PURSE. 2 Px. a Saturdays. SNATCHING. PREVYENTS PROPPING. Of ail Stationers, or ORMISTON & GLASS, 17, OT. BRIDE O7., BO. FLORILINE. FOR THE TEETH AND BBEATE. le the BEST LEQHED PSBTIFRICS | Ge orld. Preverts the decay of the TERT Renders ‘he ia To Vuire Is he Delectone bo the Taste. Is partly an bom sa and pls Of ob ae | at and rate ie throwzhout the nena 8 T0288 POWDER cxly, Tut ap in glass jars. _* th boo se fat tee’ , Sed extracts “Familiar in Millions of Mouths as any Household Word.” —T imps, A hollinaris HOOPING g couGH, ee a roar Son, 17, Bo'd by emists Pri bottle. . Acann, 32, hes $8. Martin. New York—Fowesns JEWSBURY & BROWN'S Oriental =| & Co.; Korth Witham Street, “THE QUEEN oF TABLE WATERS.” | , Mu h J 7vourcad by Majesty, —WORLD. ee fer aie eee =Tooth BROWN. the Box. ” wenn amr & CAMERON, Waverley Works, Edinburgh. 70 GAVE THE TESTE, USE DAILY THOMPSON and CAPPER’S DENTIFRICE WATER Geerves the Terra. ne & eee. Pragrance to the Kaeara. ling cad Kefreshing to the Moora. And takes away ome! of Tonaceo. N. S/he sucess of this the frst liquid Dentifrice maie Ea land has ied to many tmsvarces fations. It is necessary purchasers to see T. & C."s slewature nh Hottie. ls. 64, Be. Od., de. Od, and Be Od, of all Chemists end Stores or sent, post free, frou %. FOLD STREET IAVERPOOL, THE “NEW EASY” LAWN MOWER. The la gest size (24 inch) aa te 7 od by one mas. sop ier name of Local 4 the Hivas,Gavounen of the of the ) A st Pacece ond other tiep! Ca Gener, to the Liernsees, Selig, Socnen‘hal & Ce., 6), Quce: Victoria 8t., London, E.C. DORE’S RAINPROOF-HYGIENIC TWEEDS ULSTERS. 25, CONDUIT ST., W. PARRISH bd contract tr acters ed the Mpenutecture of bis 8 rr us. The “Taet a number of inferior (differing in composition, are sold as ‘*. To obtein the oy bee iS Ven sold for the pao. —” Toochanes rmeshoud SQUIRE'S CHEMICAL »aercte FOOD FOR DELICATE CHILDREN. Or Acepts, of or Psnces Poor Fass pinuct ones SQUIRE & SONS, Her Majesty's Chemists, 413, OXFORD STREETS, LONDON. ALL FAT PEOPLE co. Mw Faecbery” Y wm | ye FEED YOUR CHILDpr», DF RIDGES PATENT CONKED EQUYL Waters Gontinue to be supplied to Her Majesty the Queen. SSWARE OF IMITATIONS OF NOTH BED 45D BROWN LABSLA Sint SS, ENGLISH * PERFUME Always Befreshing, Sweet and Lasting. PRICE 4/, 2/6, 5/, & 10/6 per Bottle. To be had of all Perfumers, Chemists, §e. WHOLESAL2—R. HOVENDEN & SONS, BERKERS STREET, W., & City Road, E.C. INDON. 4 Sea Bath in your own room for Penny. STODDART’S SEA SALTS INVALUANLE FOR RUFUMATISM AND WEAK J0i1NTS. Eatablishe’ Forty Years. Megistered Trade Mark. Bold in 64. 2-10. ts, 24. T40., and B. 4-1 Bones; és. M1. , Oe. 66 1b., and 16s. 113-1d. Hoge. Full Wirections for Use on each Package. Readily Bo ubie in Mot or Cold Water. Ansiysed and approve | of by Anroce H. Messsce. M.D. 20010 Memves, 7.0.8 Bold by Chemis's, Patent Medicine } ae. Whotesaic London Agen BARCLAY & 50N6, 1 ».. 95. oringics st., B.C Proprietors, A, 6]. WARBEM, Wholesale and Export Iraggists, 9 224, REDCLIFF STREET, BUISTOL. HORSE CLOTHING AND RUGS. New Designs and Patterws, Perfect 0 Ali We a Write for Patterns (sent post hee) to the Weerne tare Woortes Co, Kanpst. London Agency toe Horse Clothing, 18, Berkeley Steet, Piccadilly, W DINNEFORD'S MACNESIA. For ACIDITY of tus STOMACH, MEAKTHUU UM, MEAVACHKE, GUUT, ead INDIGESTIUN. Sold throughout the World. EERINGS i Compacts HE NDY. Genwn inocu, ed Ds yed
Page 16
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Mar 16, 1891. Aah REGISTERED The Analyst, comparing the flesh-forming ingredients in Cocoas, gives the following average :— “ Flesh-forming ingredients in Natural Cocoa Nibs ee oe oe oo ‘ * Flesh-forming ingredients in the best Commercial Cocoa, with ‘added Starch and Sugar ** Flesh-forming ingredients in Cadbury's Cocoa, the Standard English article % “The process of preparation concentrates the nourishing and stimulating principles of the Cocoa bean.” “CADBURY'S COCOA BEING ABSOLUTELY PURE, IS THEREFORE THE BEST COCOA” eenart Loraine Reed Parish Bredvery, 2 On, ase Huates Lava stsvck, is the Piveings of Waltetiazs,in as Gay a Londen, unt Fubaished OY him 5s Wo. U6 Fhovt Street, mt the Parish of SC beites City of Lenten -harenpan, May 15, FPVvVELISHEO EVERY BATURDAY.