Punch 1891-03-21: Vol 100 Iss 2593

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POPULAR EBDTTION. Price &. 6. A ROMANCE OF THE GAPE FRONTIER Py PORTRAM MItro 7D, Author of Through =e country.” The Weird of lire Hollow “The love story ls & particularly piessing one. “— Acapeur peter erain en) egein » think ower the life-thke pere enagee whe «et iv the vivid scenes neture end hume > oan ch i @ Wen acted Ware remett Keview The story l* very grephically and vigorously totd "—erremas Leadon: W Sarwan "* ‘.w 71, Rect ® Second Edition. Foops POR THE FAT. —The Setontife se x Corpeiency Crown Ovo, cota youRr ay. Cou. Page. Lom The fa “— will re o~. end cal ae " 18 Few of oar f&t friends will slew mah time to elapse before heaving & chet laid Gown for them om the lines Indicated in thts vf. ae. Srernes's Keview Leadon: CHATTO & WINDUS, 314, Piccadilly WHY BURN GAS? CHAPPUIS’ PATENT DAYLIGHT REFLECTORS Diffese Nature vevlight. Render Derk Rooms Light, and premote bh « mfort, and cc momy siogue: or Baperiments free of charger P. B. CHAPPUIS & Co., 69, Fleet Street, Lcnics. 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Marcu 21, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 133 MY LADY. Sue is not fair to outward view | Not only learning’s pure serene As many maidens be ; |__ Her soaring mind ean charm ; (And into such a rage she flew The tradesman, shrinking from a On learning this from me ;) Regards herwith alarm, [scene, And yet she ’s lovely, nay divine, And many a "bus conductor owns Jadged by her own Lem So line. | The pow’r of her metallic tones. She’s deeply read. She knows as Contentiously content, she takes much Her strident way through life, As avenge —+- boys; | And goodness y knows what But not the greatest sage S toneh Her choose to be my wife. The high, aggressive joys [prey, Courage, poor heart! Thy yearn- That imp her wing, like bird o: ings stifle. When in my dates I go astray. She’s not a girl with whom totrifle. KENSINGTON CORRESPONDENCE. I. InsteaD of the Sub-Kensington Gardens Railway scheme as proposed, why not a Kensington Sta- ) tion, District- cum - Metropoli- tan system, run it with one station Sat-Serpentine Line? Start it from the South ground in the middle of Exhi- é ja Road, — . i an i Bae ition, would om’ wa } u Poh: =. t “carpthe vital y airs,” right away again, branching off left and right, th b ing the mild Southerners into rapid, easy communication, at reasonable hours, and at reasonable prices, with the denizens of the Northern districts, East and West. If Kensington Gardens are to be touched at all—and, not red groves, there is no reason why they should not be, faute de miewx—a transverse tunnelling from Ken- sington High Street to Queen’s Road would do the trick. We will be happy to render any assistance in our power, and are,—Yours y, Wut Howrycoms, Mors, Ferrer & Co., (Burrow- Knights.) IL O Scx,—Pleese don’t let us ave no railwaies and tunels in Kinsinton Gardins, were we now are so skludid, and the childern can play about, an no danger from sep dogs, wich is mosley musseled, or led with a string, an we ain't trubbled about them, an can ave a word to say to a frend, ora cossia, yee unnerstan, unner the treeses, so nice an quite, wich it wold be wen disterbd by ingins, an smoke, skreeges, an steem-wizzels, O, Mr. P., don’t let um do it, Yours obeegentlee, Sana Jane, (Unner Nursrymade.) I, Sir,—The Railway underneath Kensington be noticed if only taken down deep enough below the surface. No blow-holes, of course. No pean ny t. Take it under the centre path, where there are no trees, then turn to the left outside the gate and burrow away to 8. Kensington Station. I can the park in three minutes for a penny; now for which I haven't the time, or take a cab, for which I haven’t the then get acros I have to walk, money. Yours, Practical Pauper. ITs Sin,—I take this opportunity of pointing out that if anything at all is to be done with Kensington Gardens, why not make a real good Rotten Row there? That would be a blessing and a con- venience, We're all so sick and tired of that squirrel-in-a-cage ride, round and round Hyde Park, and that half-and-half affair in St James's Park. No, Sir; now’s the time, and now’s the hour. There ’s plenty of space for all equestrian wants, without interfering with the sylvan delights of nurserymaids, children, lovers of nature, and all sorts of lovers too. For my part, if this is not put forward as an alternative scheme, I shall vote for tunnelling under the Gardens = of simple cussedness. If the reply, authoritatively given, be that the two schemes ean go and must go , then I will vote for both, only let ’s have “= equestrian arrangement first. well-under-| stable Lights and Liver Brigade. ours, Jourix Trott, Mount, Street, W. Captain 1st THE TRIUMPH OF BLACK AND WHITE. “ Ayrzr all, the best of Keuwn’s life-work is to be found in the innu- merable cuts which he contributed to Punch during a period of nearly forty years; and still more in the originals of these the masterly pen-and-ink ne which are now for the first time shown in a collected form to the A So says Mr. Cravpe Puutrrs, in his “ Prefatory Note,” to the Catalogue of a Collection of Drawings of the late Cuartes Krewe,” aby view at the Rooms of the Fine Arts Society, 148, New Bond if the British Public possess that ‘taste for Art” and that ** sense of humour” which some claim for and others deny to it, it Ae fe heat i eh f-- ow Ww some hun ti) im loter werkt of te mast unetieeted gonyt - Walk up, tlemen, and see—such miracles of a, on witcheries of ect, as were never before put on paper by simple pen-and-ink ' It is difficult to realise sometimes that it is pen and ink, and that only—all the delightful display of fresh English landscape and unsophisticated British humanity, teeming with effects of distance, hints of here, and suggestions colour. Many a much- belauded brush is but a fumbling and ineffective tool, compared with the ink-charged crowquill handled by Cuantes Keene. Look “Mist Met ed cos, vdincce Pade cote ae enndihanes e 0 er, Pat's grandiloquent Pat himself, a contol Colossus astride on his own cock-boat, with sea-legs firmly dispread, the swirl of the sea, the swish of the waves, the very whiff of the wind so vividly suggested !—and all in some few square inches of ‘* Black-and- White!” Lem, epete. at the breadth of treatment, the power of humorous c tion, the strong charm of technique, the colour, the action. the marvellous ease and accuracy of street perspective in No. 16 (** The Penny Toy !”). Action? Why, you can see the old lady ump, let alone the frog! Fix your eye on the frightened dame’s Ty you'll swear it jerks in time to the leap of the “‘ horrid reptile, _Or at that vivid bit of London “hoarding,” and London low life, and London street-distance in ‘*’ Andicapped !” (No. 25.) Good as is the “gaol-bird,” is not the wonderfully real ‘‘ hoarding” almost better ? Who now can draw—or, for that matter, pasnt—such a shopkeeper such a shop, such a child customer as those in ‘‘ AU Alive!’ (No. 41), where the Little Girl a-tip-toe with a wedge of cheap ** Cheddar” at the counter, comes down upon him of the apron with the crusher, “‘Oh, mother’s sent back this piece o’ cheese, 'cause father says if he wants any bait when he’s goin’ a fishin’, he can dig ’em up in our garden!” Are you a fisherman. reader? Then will you feel your angling as well as your artistic heart warmed by No. 75 (‘* The Old Adam’”’) and No. 6 (‘* Wet and Dry”), the former especially! What water, what Scotch boys, what a ‘ prencipled’ t piseatorial) ‘' Mee- nister”! Don’t you feel your elbow twitch? Don’t you want to snatch the rod from Sanpy McDoveat's hand, and land thet ‘ fush” yourself, Sawbath or no Sawbath / But, bless us, one wants to describe, and praise, and purchase them all! A Keene drawing, almost any Keene drawing, is **a thing of beauty and a joy for ever” to everyone who has an eye for admirable art and adorable drollery. And good as is the fun of these drawings, the graphic force, and breadth, and delicacy, and freshness, and buoyancy, and breeziness, and masterly ease, and miraculous -airiness, and general delightfulness them, are yet more marked and marvellous. Time would fail to tell a tithe of their merits, An essay might be penned on any one of them— 5| might, but fate forbid it should be, unless a sort of artistic Cus nies Lams could take the task in hand. Better far go again to New Bond Street and pass another happy hour or two with the ruddy rustics and ‘cute cockneys, the Scotch elders and Anglican curates, the stodgy “Old Gents” and b ed, bunehy middle-class matrons, the paunchy port-swigging-buffers, and hungry but alert atreet-boys, e stertorous cabbies, and chatty’ bus-drivers, the “festive” diners-out and wary waiters, the Volunteers and vauriens, the Artists and ’Arries, the policemen and sportsmen, amidst the incomparable street scenes, and the equally inimitable coppices, turnip-fields and stubbles, green ¢ and snow- country roads of wonderful, ever-delightful, and—for his com - rades and the Public alike—all-too-soon-departed CuauLes Kenny! Nothing really worthy of his astonishing life-work. of even that part of it exhibited here, could be written within brief compass, even by the most appreciative, admiring, and art-loving his sorrowing friends or colleagues. Let the British Public go to New Bond Street, and see for iteelf, in the very hand-work of this great artist, what he made manifest during so many years in the pages of Punch, namely, the supreme triumph of “ Black-and-White” in the achievements of ite greatest master. VOL, ¢,

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134 - PUNC H, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 5 [Marca 21, 1891, Tae Frogs, who lived a free and easy life (As in the ancient fable) Though not quite clear from internecine strife, ancied they were well able To do without a King. Batrachian wisdom Disdains the rule of fogeydom and quizdom, And Frogs as soon al take to bibs and corals, As ask a *‘ King who might inspect their morals’ From Jupiter. Then ’twas Juventus Mundi ; The true King-maker now is—Mrs. Geunpy, KING STORK AND KING LOG. Aw Otp Fasiz Revenrsep, And she insisted that our modern Frogs Bat to Bo Sinem of the there came Should have a King—the woodenest of King | 4 —Legion his fit name; Logs. A Finheapotne Autoeset, Stars Stork-throated, At first this terrified our Frogs exceedingly, aint Paul-Pry-coated And, experts passionately, sometimes A pous, petty ‘creature, ‘ A Bam vie vith’ bee beak for its chief This new King Stork, (feature. With a fierce, fuss a for work ; Not satisfied with like a vice The poe and Rett pet Bat finding soon how p Log rested Prone in the pool with mighty little motion, Ot danger they abandoned the wild notion, Authority on ty: a Coun’ | on Finding it easy for a Frog to jog Tried to extend his sway to and On with a kind King Log. And rule the Frogs! ae wot ee cea oe

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Marcu 21, 1891.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Z-s0r’s fable, able, And of King Stork’s appearance far from amorous, Croaked forth a chorus clamorous resonant rebellion. These, S - —_¥,— 5 - 5 But modern Frage. which had champions Had read ol The pp ° i His fond companion, PaysionaTaus ‘swelled Cheeks humorously defiant ; The ruddy t CRAMBOPHAGUS, a8 as is a Tree, Flouted King Stork with gestures fierce and ree, Sleek CaLaminrurvs, aper deft of el | Against the foe a pungent dart im : HyprocHaris too, (Most Terryble to view), Fared to the t, whilst | Tiny batrachian brethren, dusk of hue. PrassopHacus, Paassaevs, staunch and true, Webbed hands did wildly wave __ i i beaky bird— loudly “ Not Mercury, nor Jupiter we beg For a devouring despot, lank of leg, | Of prying eye, and -transfixing beak ; ough singly we seem weak, United we are strong to smite or scoff. Off, would-be tyrant, off!!!” Cuvurcu axp Stacx.—Let no rabid Church- men, of any school of thought, ever again take exception to j character the irreligious RS ; prac- y liturgical student knows that the bells are played once on Holy Saturday, and that they should be played on! Easter Monday is a matter of course. TRACKS FOR THE TIMES. [A Magistrate has just decided that the Police have a right to interfere with the growing practice of using the public roads of the M lis at night- time as running-grounds for athletes. I come from haunts of smoke and grime, F Se in nae —_ alley, im nd race each night against Old Ti Enthasiastically | I dodge past frightened City gents, And sometimes send them flying, Which makes them cherish sentiments Not wholly edifying. I ya —_ —' i and out, long the crow pavement While | Som and there the mockers flout My costume and behavement. I slip, I slide, I flash, I flee Amid teeming c, And drivers often use to me Idioms extremely graphic. I murmur when a Lawyer's view Absurdly tries to hinder My turning public roads into ¥ A private path of cinder. et still to “* ” agile, alert Shall be apnea ; For Cits may stare, and Jehus swear, But I run on for ever ! “ 34 i z val L= i lv oe , “& ~ SS WEAN & WWII & THE BLIZZARD. Mas, Setpom-Festive “‘At Home” (anp THe Best Pace Too !), Manca 9, 1891, (10 to 1 Nobody turns up.) A DIARY OF DOVER. _ March, 1891.—Fearful storm in the Channel, when the Victoria is all but lost. Proposals in all the newspapers for the immediate commencement of an adequate harbour. April, 1392.—Hurricane in the Channel, when seventeen ships are lost, and the Club Train Boat (wi i ied, high and dry, as far as Amiens, by the force of the weather. Renewed suggestions or the immediate building of an uate harbour. : ‘ay, 1893.—Cyclone in the Channel, in which the British Fleet once more immediate commencement of the proposed June, 1894.— Disaster in the Channel. Every single vessel terrific weather. Again the Press invites commencement of an adequate harbour. 1895.—Members of both Houses of Parliament, invited to take pe function at Calais, having been put to considerable inconvenience, given for the pt commencement of the much-needed adequate harbour at Dov ’ “August, 18 —— Proposed adequate harbour having emplexee the hands, night of is of workmen, at enormous expense (owing urgent pressure), is at to the public, amidst universal rejoicing.

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ar | what about this PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Manon 21, 1891, MR. PUNCH’S POCKET IBSEN. ‘Condensed and Revised Version by Mr. P.’s Own Harmless Thsenite.) No, L—ROSMERSHOLM. Acr I, Sitting-room at Rosmershilm, with a stove, flower-stand, windows, ancient and modern ancestors, doors, and everything handsome Resecoa West ts sitting knitting a large antimacassar which is nearly finished. Now and then she looks out of a window, and smiles and nods expectantly to someone Y Madam Hetsern is laying the table for supper. Rebecca | fi up her work slowly). But tell me precisely, ite Horse ? ile yetly, Madam Helseth. Lord forgive you, Miss !—( fetching cruet-stand, and placing tt on | =~ *re making fun of me! Rebecea (gravely). No, indeed. Nobody makes fun at Rosmers- it. : . hdlm. Mr. Roswer would not i .) Ah, here is Rector Krom. ( ing door.) You will stay to tell to give us some supper, will you not, Rector, and I little extra dish. Kroll (hanging up his hat in the hall). Many thanks, his boots.) May I come in ? looks about him.) And how do you and Rosmer on Reb. Ever since your sister, Beata, went m race, we have been as happy as two little birds together. (4 (Wipes together, eh ? alone = Rosmenr you mig ps. Kroll, , how on earth—on the contrary, I shouldn't object at all if you (looks at her meaningly)—h’m ! Reb. (interrupting, gravely). For shame, Rector; how can you make such jokes ! Kroll (as if surprised). Jokes? We do not joke in these parte—but here is KosMER, , ly and soft | Enter Rosmen, gent softly. Roemer, So, my dear old friend. you have come again, after a year’s absence, Sits down.) We almost thought that Kroll (nods). So Miss West was saying—but you are quite mistaken. | merely thought I t remind you, if | came, of our poor Brata’s suicide, so | kept away. We Norwegians are not without our simple tact. Roamer. lt — —ae unnecessary. EB—l mean, 188 Weer and I often allude to the inci- dent, do we not Reb, (strikes Tiindstickor). Oh, yes, indeed. (Lighting lamp.) Whenever we feel a little more cheerful than usual. We were Kroll, You dear good people! (Wanders up the room.) I came because the Spirit of Revolt has crept into my School. A Secret Society bas existed for weeks in the Lower Third! To-day it has red for me by come to my knowledge that a booby-trap was p the hand of my own son, Lavarrs, — then discovered that a heir has been inserted in my cane by my daughter Hrpa! The only way in which a right-minded Schoolmaster can combat this anarchic and subversive spirit is to start a newspaper, and | Gunes that you, as a weak, credulous, inexperienced and impressionable | | kind of man, were the very person to be the Editor. (Ren. laughs softly, as sf to herself. Roemer jumps up and sits down agatn. Reb. (with a look at Roemer). Tell him now! Rosmer (returning the look). | can’t—some other evening. Well, perhape—— (7o Krowt.) I can’t be your Editor—because (in a low voice) L—I am on the side of Laverrs and Hiya! Kroll (looks from one to the other, gloomily). H’m! Roemer. Yes. Since we last met, I have changed my views. I am going to create a new democracy, and awaken it to its true task of making all the people of this country noblemen, by freeing their wills, and purifying their minds! Kroll, What do you mean? [Takes up his hat. Rosmer (bowing his head). I don’t quite know, my dear friend ; it was Kes—— | should say, Miss Wxst's scheme. / Krou. H’m! (A suspicion appears in his face.) Now I begin to beheve hog what Lag _ about schemes——no matter. But, under the circumstances, ill not stay to » (Takes up he stick, and walks out, Roemer, | told you he would be annoyed. I shall go to bed now. (Comes in, puts down his stick, sits down, and and jumped into the mill- fter a pause, sitting down in arm-chair.) > ~ pte really mind my living here all “ Taking off his gloves meaningly.” —— I don’t want any supper. [He lights a candle, and goes out ; sently his cotalepe are heard overhead, as he undresses. Reston pulls a bell-rope, : : Reb. (to Madam Hetsern, who enters with dishes.) No, Mr, Rosmer will not have su — (In @ lighter tone.) Perhaps he is afraid of the nigh are so many sorts of White Horses in this world! Mad. H., (shaking). Lord! lord! that Miss West—the things she d ! (Res. out h door, knitting antimacassar thoughtfully, as Cwtein folle. ~d am |Rommn’s study. Doors and windows, booksheloes, 6 soriting-tebl ead eeedkes cut eke ith oa covered in a smoking-j ing a witha * knit . oe py ao at pve by aad y = Come in.’ REBECCA enters in a ing wrapper and curl-papers, Whe cle ona @lntr cheee to fauna ahd leche ctr Mb chediie as he cuts the leaves. Rector KRou is shown up. Kroll (lays his hat on the table and looks at Res. from head to foot). 1 am really afraid that 1 am in the way. Reb, (surprised), Because I am in my morning wrapper and curl-papers? You forget that I am Se ere [She them and listens behind curtain in RosmEn’s bedroom, aint salt, “ike fa slowly). perceive. EST is oi naturally to be forward. But, I say, really you know—— _However, I came to tell you that BEATA was Rosmer (jumps half ‘om his chair), 1? Marry—Miss West! my good i Krott! I don’t wnder- aa it is most incom ble. (Looks fixedly before him.) How can people——— (looks at him for a ¢ then rises.) Um pes a wee ( quiet and self- ained.) But first ous man Way you never mentioned Kroll. weet Because I thought you were which made S Ay, all the difference. Now I know that ~>d . you side with Lavarrs and Hrxpa, and a te mean to make the democracy into noblemen, and ingly I intend to make it hot for you mm my paper. | Good morning! [He slams the door with epite as Repecca enters | from bed-room, Rosmer (as if surprised). You—in my bedroom! You have been listening, dear? But you are eo emancipated. Ah, well! so our = and beautiful friendship has been misinterprete bespattered ! ust because you weer a , and have lived here alone for a year, le with pte § an t ignoble eyes make unpleasan remarks! But what really did drive Beata mad? Why did she jump into the mill-race ? I’m sure we did everything we could to spare her! I made it the business of my life to keep her in ignorance of all our interests—didn’t 1, now ? ™ : an ST did—but St oll ee | 4 Vn" does it Jr aegy oh on wi our grea’ utiful ear, (a h cautiously y A behind), a over minds and wile, end creating noblemen, you know—joyful noblemen! __ Rowmer (waiking about, restlessly, as if in thought). Yes, I know. I have never laughed in the whole course of my we Rosmens don’t—and so I felt that spreading gladness and light, and make the democracy joyful, was proper! too upset Yes, an idea has just occurred his through his hair)—oh, my e Reb. Be a free man to the full, Roswex—tell me your ; Rosmer (gloomily). 1 don’t know what you'll say to it. It’s this. = eS — bh, ee me FOLD ft et eh ee

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Manon 21, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 137 ——— Reb. (catches at the chairback with joy). How? at last—a rise at last! (Recollects herself.) But what am I about? Am I not an | emancipated enigma? ( her hands over her ears as if in terror.) What are he saying’ You mustn’t. I can’t think what you mean. Go away, do! Rosmer (softly), Be the new and living reality. It is the only way to put Beata out of the Saga. Shall we romay : 2eb. Never! Do not—do not ask me why—for I haven’t a notion— (Nods slowly to him and rises.) White Horses would but never! not induce me! (With her hand on door-handle.) Now you know! | and not . ?, | self), Well—I—am-—— (Quick “Curtain. She goes out. | Rosmer (sits up, stares thunderstruck at the stove, | (The remaining two Acts of this subtle psychological study unavoidably held over. “KEEP YOUR HARE ON!” | Iw not following the advice given in the headline to this article, Bountiful tas The | clever Mr. Prwero has made a mistake. | a very little Hane is =~, Y ery with only a en go to ‘* Hare’s Theatre” (they don’t speak go new : those who to see of Les Oiseaux peculiarly su and pretty piese, wherein the | artistically introduced as humour of the characters have gone for comparatively little of Mr. Hane’s rendering -ra' did not consist of occasional flashes, only to in the penultimate Act, but continued right through to the en dominating everything and everybody. is is not so with Lady Bountiful. The appearance lerwck Heron, who is no creation of the Author’s, as he admits, but merely Mr. Skimpole under another name, raises at the commencement, which are blighted long before the finish, The part gutters out, as does Grove’s John Veale, ~~ Be ise of ”’ Young Mr. Grisert Hare makes a most creditable first appearance as Sir Lucian Brent, Bart, He is easy and natural. For the ter part of the educated audience, it might have been more useful if Sir Richard Philliter, Q.C., had , an old Eton Latin Grammar in his pocket, instead if Miss Kare Rorxe had divided with him the | mortalium omnibus horis sapit.” He, being rejected, might have | commeneed, ** Nemo mortalsum,” and she might have continued, | ‘‘omnibus horis;” then, both together, “‘saps.” Or when she had snubbed him, he might have made some telli ‘* Verbum personale,” and so forth. The introduction of a quotation from Horace is likely rather to be resented than appreciated by the victims of a superior education. What a quarter of an hour or so Paterfamilias will have when Materfamilias asks him for the translation of these lines from Horace! Poor Pater will pretend not | fo have ‘‘quite caught them ;” or “not been attending;” but to himself | he will own how entirely he has forgotten his Latin, and patbege he | will make a good resolution to himself to “look up his Horace | again.” the learned young ey pee bo peoen by ber Rogen, or by her si oung bothering sister, ‘‘what that Latin means,” though she m =e ee setae Be Sees, it offhand at one hearing is a difficulty, and she wi question by saying, ** Please, don’t talk! I want to li The youth in Stalls, fresh from co translation offhan a Horace ; and ® | in flannels—he was seemed to me to be what the author had made them—i.e., stagey. and Miss Miss Dotones Daummonp, as Mrs. Veale, is very food, Mazre Luvpen, except in one y bit in the Third Act, plays ~ care and judgment. e interior of the old country ch (Act IIL.) is a masterpiece of scenic art and ment,—a perfect picture by Mr. W. Hanrorp. same of the dénoiiment of the interrupted marriage, which ictorial heading to some exciting chapter epcedincay aut by bn Tas ean or im wa’ ir Philliter, Q.C., has to say, on which’ the Ourtain descends. what does everybody exclaim afterwards? mA pone nothing for Hane to do in it. ye Senay we see 4 again, come out all right at last.” "s the £. can’t bear the idea of favourite first-class Comedian the character be ld villain, unless ray Bountiful might be termed "A bald Dee” because it has so li THE BOAT-RACE TEN YEARS HENCE! (When no doubt it will be conducted on strictly scientific principles.) Tue crews were met together on the day fixed for the event in the Council Room of the Combined Universities moored at Putney. Fifteen of the athletes wore the usual mufti, strongly with the garb of the sixteenth—a com- flannels. ‘* To our ancestore—‘ Why this thus- ” asked the Camford as he recognised one of his own this the other; “‘ surely we are not going to ee ot sh a eee SS the matter :3E% i i; i g + = “8 s ied the Hon. Solicitor to the rival Boa’ Clabs ; allow — Iwill produce them—or rather «4, for the escence , the man of law, putting on his brief-bag, produced a document, and read Mr, CHARLES | 94 e about with = Camford ** Sir! ” ex x company of gentlemen like those present, accidents always are barred!” ** Quite - ? admitted the a pena, Soak I ouypese - committee e latest Senior Wrang. youngest Dou First have A A what I may call the atmospheric conditions under which the race would taken ** Yes, Sir, we have, and are all unfavourable to the euccees of Camford,” was the ready reply. ; ** Then I think we have but more thing ve three hearty cheers for our opponent said the Oxbridge Stroke, and a minute later the rafters with loud applause. ** But why shouldn’t we have rowed it out?” asked the gentleman a Freshman—a little later. ‘* Surely would have been more satisfactory.” J “Not at all,” was the reply. ‘The plan is merely « survival of the fittest !”” and his answer afforded general satisf Shelley Revised. cradled into postry by fashion,” A in y fashion, And learn as formula what they print Tus Deve BR i rag aged no player in hand. It should be im mediately followed by Black on White, or Who takes the Pool passion. ica, by A. 8. Warn, is ad

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138 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Maron 21, 1891. Ls oe a eae), , —$——_ et ter i= | j Y (Ss ‘2 AG 4 | — \ = a | | : iJ Sai A he a CONFUSION WORSE CONFOUNDED. Jones, ‘‘OoN-FOUND IT ALL! Somenopy "s TAKEN wr HAT, AND LEFT THIS FILTHY, BEASTLY, SHABBY OLD THING INSTEAD |” Brown. ‘‘A—I BEG YOUR PARDON, BUT THAT HAPPENS TO BE MY Hat!” KEPT IN THE STABLE, Head Groom B-If-r log, :— Kerrin! Yes, by thunder! Be’t prudence or blunder, Gov’s fondness for Tithe, or weather, or what, You ’re kept in the stable, though fit, ay, and able To lead the whole field and to win by a lot. A hunter I never bestrode half as clever! Tithe? Pooh! He's not in it, my beauty, with you. You ’ve breed, style, and mettle, and look in rare fettle. If Z had to settle, you know what J’d do! These gentlemen-riders deem all are outsiders Save them ; as if gent ever made A | jock ! Ah! Apam L. Gorpow,* poor chap, had a word on Sach matters. I'll warrant Ae sat like a rock, And went like a blizzard. Yes, beauty, it is hard To eat off your head in the stable like this. Too long you have idled ; but wait till you’re bridled ! The hunt of the season I swear you won't miss. It;has been hard weather, although, beauty, whether Tis that altogether your chance that poned, Or whether Boss Sotty committed a folly —— No matter! A comelier crack he ne’er owned, Although "tis I say it who shouldn’t. The way it Has snowed and has frozen may be his excuse ; But when you’re once started, deer-limbed, lion- hearted, I warrant, my beauty, you'll go like the deuce. ** A lean head and fiery, strong quarters, and wiry, A loin rather light, but a shoulder superb,” That ’s Gornpon’s description of Jseult. (All whip shun When riding such rattlers, and trust to the curb.) Sigh meso wee yous cart, led. s geese Sheso'S be apart, led, e P- When you strong running, and near the last jum And you, when extended, look “ ike and id.” Ah! poor Loypsay Gorpon was sporteman trump. * Apam Lixpeay Gorpon, the ardent, horse-loving Australian poet. I see your sleek muzzle in front! It will puzzle Your crities, my boy, to pick holes in you then : There’s howling “‘ Hisroxicus,”—he’s but a sorry cuss! He’s ridden some races ; of chances and paces, Of crocks versus cracks he did ought to be judge. Or Las doubts your staying, Wee knows it’s all fudge! We're biding our time, lad. Your fettle is prime, lad; Though we ’re frost-bound now, open weather must come, At least after Easter; and, beauty when we stir, And forge to the front, lad, we ‘ll just make things hum. In spite ef much ruction concerning Obstruction, I wish—in a whisper—we'd started before, — And, forcing the running, discarding all cunning, Romped in—as we wili—’ midst a general roar ! — | MORE IBSENITY. Gnrosts at the Royalty. ‘Alas, poor Ghosts!” A shady piece. “* No money taken at the doors” on this occasion, which is making 4 virtue of necessity. This being the case, (hosts was, and, if layed again will be, witnessed by an audience mainly composed of “* : heads.” Lively this. The Critics have spoken out strongly, and those iataweted in this [bsenity should read the criticisms pre- sumably by Mr. Crsment Scort in The Telegraph and Mr. Mor Tuomas in The Daily News. Stingers; but as outspoken as they are true and just in all their dealings with this ]bsenian craze. * Les Orseavx.”—Mrs. Ram says she pities any unfortunate man whose wife has a fearful temper. She knows one such husband who quite quails before his wife, * and I’m not surprised,” adds Mrs. K., for 1 know her, and she’s a regular ptarmigan.” Tux Comme Censvs.—Cartyte said, “The population of the Wea, too, that grandest of all grand old men ; British Empire is composed of so many millions, mostly fools.” Will the Census be taken on the First of April? i He sees you are speedy ; when Mortey sneers ‘* Weedy,”

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i ie = Ee ee dn eee eee 7 ime a 24 ae ant If = ae. — 4 ilaar = SPIE PLLITS - 4 7A Se ee Oe mame woe o ‘ de 44 4460 SL Re OPEN WEATHER AFTER EASTER!” KEPT IN THE STABLI Heap Groom, “AH, MY BEAUTY !—YOU HAVEN'T HAD MUCH CHANCE YET—BUT WE SHALL HAVE S0ME PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Manzcu 21, 1891.

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Mar THE MALet aom d Be thi guag’ he de avoid

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aaa Marca 21, 1891.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 141 OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Baron can highly recommend The Wi of ‘Tam informed,” says the B. pz B.-W., “ This Mater should be Femalet.” TaE MALeT. som de plume of an Aw Re this as it may, the Baron, who is discretion iteclf, will net attempt th . to certain cocksureness about them which savours of the man in a equaity house Che wis See = te ‘ou a series of good stories about himself, one after the other, unt ie guste in tho enchine- soem, tp chess deapeee Of ort Eating Sew Veen of tating dent themeelves, or of aw 9 on the tap of their own good stories, light eir es, yawn, and go pensiv y to bed. My ‘‘ Faithful Co.” informs me that he has been reading some bh excellent Sketches of England, by a ‘‘ Foreign Artist,” and « oreign Author.” The latter is no less a person than the genial representative of the Journal des Débats in Lon —_ P. Virtars. My “ Co.” says that, take it all round, this is one of ibion he has ever read. Both Ol the best books upon La Perfide A (Vol. LIL, p. 82.) Genius has a right to create words ; Ys and when Genius does so, {°\\) the very sound of the word » conveys its meaning with and frequently without ‘Bat I’m Baron. substitute for strong lan- Don’t let the light-hearted reader be deterred by the slow of Volume One; but stick to it, and avoid skipping. A selfish mean cuss is the “‘ hero,” so to style him ; and personally, the Baron would consider him in Society as a first- class artistic bore. The character is drawn with + skill, as are they all. The description of Mrs. Crookendon’s -dinner party is as life-like as if it were a well-staged scene in a well-written and well-cast Drama. “[ have been dipping into Country House Sketches, by C. C. Ruyrs,” says the , ‘and have come to conclusion that i the author, youthfal I fancy, would give himself time, and have the patience to ‘ follow my Lever,’ e result would be a Jack Hinton Junior, with a smack of Soa in it.” The short stories are all, more or less, good, Soa oe till better but for a guage, when you’re ruffled. jf | ordinary way of seribe and illustrator are evidently fond of the “* Foreigners” they find in the British Isles. Mons. Vittars, however, makes one startling assertion, which has taken my “Co,” by surprise. The ‘* Foreign Author” declares that ‘* laughter never struck his ears.” Now our Monsieur is an admirable racentewr, and if he ever told one of his capital stories to an Englishman of average intelligence, he must have heard laughter. He has also read a rather strange work called, What will Mrs, Grundy say? My ‘‘ Co.” declares that, considering its ret: book, which is not without merit, might be recommended as a disciplinary exercise during Lent. Says ‘‘ Co. Junior,” to the Baron, ‘Sir, Ive just come across A vst Dossow and his Four Frenchwomen.”' frowning. ‘‘No scandal.” ‘“‘ Nay, Sir,” quoth vously. ‘*’tis but the title of a book.” says the Baron, waving his hand, “ ! pe Corpay, Madame Rotayp, the Princesse DE LaMBALLE, and Madame pe GENLIS. I recommend it, Sir. Tolle, Lege!” And with a bow “* Co, Junior,” withdraws from the presence, Quoth the Baron, ‘‘ I was looking again into Saint Monica, just to see if I might like it any better than I did on the first oocasion— which, ‘with me hand upon me hearrt, cannot say I the following —— woman, nevert . him as the god of tdoltary.” It’s a beautiful word, ‘‘idoltary,” and so much better than the ling it. So, after all, there is more in Saint Monica than I expected, In fact, its chief fault is that it is too much spun out ; and, just at this time, Saint Monica mustn't be associated in any sort of way with the House at Cambridge where they spin. Tue Bazonw pe Boox-Worms. “It is about Mile. TO A DEBUTANTE. Fa ~ Aa ~- of ane Lr + ht ho, gaily, ’mid the gay the gay To England, Home, and Duty now Oblation payest. Gay seeming,—if the milliner’s Can cheer, the florist’s homage sightly ; And yet, unless my fancy errs, Thou shudderest slightly. Is it a sigh for childhood’s bliss, A dread of what is coming, come what May matrimonially—or is It draughty somewhat ? St. James’s corridors are long As Art, as Life thy raiment brief is Except the train, of course)—and strong Mamma’s relief is. in vulgar phrase, ‘“* Your mother knows You’re out,” at length. Such triumphs too dear Are sometimes purchased. I suppose She fidgets you, dear. “The Countess !—bow, child, to the Earl '— Those terrible Hype Parkes! Their posies Look quite too vulgar; cut them, girl. | How red your nose ist “Quick! take the der-puff, my love— Not on your teseeet on ve helt now — Don’t bungle so; you'll drop that glove— Please take more care now. “You stoop like any bourgeoise chit. Who ’d think you educated highly ? No, not so stiff. Do blush a bit, And simper shyly.’ Ah! Maiden fair of cloudless air, This kind of thing is hardly pleasant. Indeed, 1’m thankful not to wear Thy shoes at present! it was stated included the spurwus an *o” omi of vine” ? Where does “THE FLOWERS THAT BLOOM, TRA-LA!” Im the Times for March 12th appeared a notice of The ing Flower Show, wherein | pred a mlver medal was awarded to Mr. Bane for his “pretty collections, which course, but it’s the same word. Who is the “spurious Hzwny Iz- this flower of the Drama flourish, away from the Lyceum Theatre? What and where does Henzicous Srunivs lay ? Does he — in the Hare-Bells ? fe be to bloom in ent Garden? or is it, after all, only a plant? There is only one Hewnzicus Ixvineus, and he’s not “ spurius,”’ QUEER QUERIES, ‘ ces ompet an i but I m4 rom giddiness, a feeling location, wi iati ins, and apparent ~—— he of I am also so nervous, that, whenever the door is I begin to seream loudly. My mental feebleness finds vent in puns that have alienated my oldest friends. Could some dent explain these symptoms? I do not believe in mt am taking ‘‘ Soft-sawder’s Emulgent Balsam of Aconitine.” It does not seem to have done me much good yet, but that is probably due to my not having tried it long enough.— RaTuer Anxious, A Dawctyo-on-Norurse Gret.—Talk of The Dancing Girl at the Haymarket—of course people will talk—why she’s nothing to the girls who dance to M. Jacont’s inimit- able ballet-music at the Alhambra. Here they have a magic show, which ay the Quaker;” and I don’t mind admitting that | was the quaker when I saw a fair and comel young lady - F the air standing still an dancing on nothing at all! Certainly ‘‘Aero- lithe” is as good as any of her marvellous lecessors, the Va Girl ineluded. As « conjuror, Mr. Cant Herz, who | take to be the inventor of the above illusion, is‘aleo uncommonly om, at this * Ten o’Clock,” to all lovers of marvelious, can be recommended by Tux Facoiry vor AMUSEMENT. enry Irving.” "s

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v— > ° Sanne & hae lems (= het imléntdio”™® G Visilimne,s = nashersh A, Q ; { " ‘ y >>. i U \ “es A S ~~ RANDOM ALADDIN. His Apventures 1s Masnowatanp, Aw Arabian Nioat’s Dezam. Swooze No. 1. (Marcu 21, 1891, | pase

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| Warrraxer, First Mayor of Richmond.” }on again. Approach delayed Manca 21, 1891.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ——— “OH, NO, WE NEVER MENTION HIM!” A. Mavsesry in the evening witnessed the performance of The ndoliers, a Comic Opera, composed the Savoy ‘Theatr Company, the Waterloo Chamber, b voy Theatre y =: jer the management of Mr. D'Ory Gaon ee he Times Court Circular, Monday, Rareh 9.) “ A Comic Opera, compen by Sir Anruvr Sciiivan.” Quite so. a where - » Seantas cane i in? Let us see, After giving the programme, after giving all the characters and the supers, the words “‘ Dramatu Persone” occur as an after-thought, and underneath are the names of the Musical Director, 8 Manager, Wig Provider, &c., &e. Well, ** W. 8. @.” t come in here. After the highly successful performance, R. D’Orty Carte, says the Times C.C., Map | of being presented to Hen Maszsry, who expressed her warm appreciation of the manner in which the perform- ance was conducted.” Did R. D'Orry think of men- tioning eee: were | Aft 8.G.? And then it is to Ow YLY refused ap t for the performance. Noble, oaetiel Gea minded, and liberal D’Ovty! Sir Anravr Covrtiy SciirvaN’s name was to the Bill, and so his consent to this extra act of generosity ang be taken for granted. Bat what said Sir Brian DE 1s Gitpert? By the merry-maskins, but an he be not pleased, dub me t Samingo! Will D’Orxy be dubbed Knight ? And sortofa Knight? Well, remembering a certain amusing little episode in the more recent history of the Savoy Theatre, why not a “‘ Carpet Knight” ? A Mrex Suecestion ror Next True,—Last Tuesday under the heading of ‘* To-day,” the Times announced that “‘at the Society of Arts Mr. J. STARKIE Garp as Cantor Lecturer, would disovurse on ‘ Enamelling Damascening,’ Professor H. Herxomer in vight in theatrical Chair.” Our excellent Bushian Professor was man in the ——_ , being to in ¢ same time, wouldn’t _ lecture on am-a- ” have been matters ; but, at Damascening, yl de ig 4 to more suitably given at ho Fag oeaae Club, with Mr. Jenumxy Jenvm in the Sone or THE Betts or RicnmMonp.—‘‘Turn again, A NEW SECT. ‘AND Is THE NEW CURATE MARRIED, Mus, Jexxine!” “On wo, Ma'am. He's WHAT THEY CALL A CuaLYpeass ” ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE Diary oF Tosy, M.P, House of Commons, Monday Night, March 9.—Naval Estimates y action of Cameron; House been Counted Out on Friday; n ecessary | for Government to set up ary | gain ; . ate —— made y ACKSON ere ects; # deep | distressed to k that - ment should = Mallon 80 yoy as to permit Count Out. ‘‘It’s really shocking,” he said. ‘‘ Here we are brought from our peaceful homes to London at this inclement season, to do the work of the nation. Assembled as usual on a Friday night; important business on ; Ministers and their friends go off sent, House is ted half-past eight. Night absolute! lost ; Sitting criminally ch awa} “Ah!” I said, thetically ; . “must have been very bard upon , ou, sternly attending to whilst others gambolled in the shade. And then t to be AX . Counted Out! How many of you made? there when the Count was “Well—er—you see, Topsy,” “ Count ” Cameron. said Cameron, imo blushing ; ms the fact is I wasn’t there myself, though that, of course, does not deter me from taveking coneae on Ministers. Indeed I am not sure that the circumstance "t place me in a more favourable position. Outsiders, P ae J know, see most gon ies had, in fact, com nataiy gene O0 te dinner, expecting other people would stop to make But they didn’t, and I feel I’m just the man to make it hot for OLp Moratity friends, who ought to have been here.” Other le didn’t seem to see it in -' se light. Condem- natory Motion negatived by 184 Votes against 42 Houre thereupon took up Naval Estimates. Instantly Commodore ) a oy appeared in offing; landed on Front Opposition Bench, ery unwonted = = of stale mussels and seaweed. Com- modore -deck towards well over his his knees. A py in = A round. { epen exim spare ond calla, ctem claw-hammered him,” as Gronox Hamitton resources for adequate adjective. Accused i a speech that would have CHARLES THE Fraser. Talked about levying — te Money ; ey ~ a revolution ; hinted at Hamppen, and, unrebuked by the Srzaxzs, called ending Prince ARTH Anruun the tl oy FFORD.” lendid performance, only suddenly as the But the storm ie House burst as es tilaearde without. Nobody knew that the uled, and meant business. fet AY eft -- Bench :—Oxp Moratrry huddled up against Gronors Hamitton, who was nervously sheet of paper into measured strips Joma shaking in every lim. y ane wists 60 Soe Prince Aura most in maintaining his - possession, thoug » reference to wos! Commodore, looking in his The more than six foot high, stormed and what time the mow y windows. w and sleet beat a wild accompaniment on the Business done.—Commodore ~iermeneatl again on the rampage. _—Howarp Vincent rather staggered to-night. Favoured ballot, had secured first place for Motion on Useful thing for coming General Election to be ——

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a, 144 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. i [Maron 21, 189], remembered as advocate of cause of Working Man. Bestowed much care on terms of Kesolution ; invited Government to encourage more gene oluntary provision for sickness and old age. Then adroitly ee oe dragged in the axiom that _ come pete ciples of provident Insurance should be included in the subjects prescribed by nt the Edacation Code for instruction in f elementary schools.” That meant to draw Otp Moratitr ; succeeded a merveiile. ; “Tony, dear boy,” he said to me, half closing his eyes, and his arms, whilst a far-away look melted into newer softness his kindly countenance, “that reminds me of days. Many a time have I written out in'’my copy- book, ‘Take care of your Neighbour’s Pence, and your own Pounds will Take Care of Themselves.’ ‘ Borrow an Um- brella, and put it away for a Rainy Day.’ ‘Half a Currant Bun is better than No Bread’; ‘A Bird in a Pigeon Pie is better than three in the Bush.’ Got heaps of copy-books filled with these and similar words of wisdom. Howarp Vincent is quite right. If there was more of this in our tary schools, there would be, if I may say so, more men like me. You remember what Who's-This said, ‘Let me write their copy-book headi and I don’t care who makes their laws.’ Howarp Vincent is on the right tack; think we shall accept his Resolution.” So is anes bave been, 5 on a” strategist oregone speec he had laid Resolution on the table, and said, *‘ There you are,” Government would have accepted it, and he would have had a night of triumph. But he would speak. Spoke for an hour, and utterly rained chances of the Resolution he recommended. Hexpert Maxwett, put up from Treasury Bench to reply for Government, did his work he Ry After fearful fiasco with Caartin last Friday, Orn Moratrry checked disposition to give young Ministers rere of distinguishing themselves. If Max- WELL made a mull of this, following on Friday week’s catastrophe with Cuap.in, it would be serious. MAXWELL won more than negative credit of not making mistake. He delivered excellent speech, showing complete mastery of subject. Business done.—House Counted Out again. Thursday.—An Irish night at last. Quite a long time since we talked of the distressful country. Wouldn't guess that Ireland was to the fore by looking at the _ Irish quarter. Usual when re Prince ARTHUR is on his feet expounding and defending his policy for Irish camp to be bristliag with contradic- tion and contumely. To- iN night only five there, includ- ing Bauer Raspit. Barer Fox promised to come, but hasn't turned up. Under- stood to be engaged in com- — of new Manifesto. owards midnight Prince AxTuvE wearied of the quietude, observed that he didn’t believe there was a single Irish Member present. Whereupon Notax, waking from sleep, under shadow of Gallery, indignantly shouted out, “What?” Tawwer, just come in, roared, **Oh!” ** Ah!” said Prince Axtuvr, and the conversation termi- nated. Explanation of sin abstention is, that business under discussion is Vote on account of Relief of Distress in Ireland. Prince Anruur asks for for Ielehs Mamabae te okay’ theis fist or iri embers to o er . Swi ‘Neill « ing.” instinct, and oppose Vote moved by setae yey ras Fore Chief Secretary. Lf they were there, they might be expected to say, - k you,” so they stay away, one or two just looking in to contradict T. W. Russziz—* ” Russert, Sark calls him— when he gave an account of what he saw during a recent visit to Ireland. Business done.— Relief voted for Irish Distress. é P : Herbert Maxwell Performed his task well. Anon, Friday Nijht.—Lo! a thing happened. Fell as j now, amid deadly dulness, depth of which no one outside Hane iat comprehend. oke up, miliar voice. "Twas the voice of Prince Axtuva, I heard him complain ; something about Ground. rents in London. Not quite his sabject; voice, too, didn’t seem to come from Treasury Bench. But no mistaking it; same tone; same inflection. Now I come to think of it, more like way he used to talk before he came to govern Ireland. Opened eyes; looked dow,. behold! it was brother Geran, opposing Srvant’s Motion on Land Tax. Very odd; think I'll go to sleep again. Business done.—Slept. THE SONG OF THE BACILLUS. [Not a week passes without ot ecillae’) of a fresh agent to destroy the Once I flourished unmolested, now my troubles never cease : Man, investigating monster, will not let me rest in peace. I am ta’en from friends and kindred, from my newly-wedded bride, And exposed—it ’s really shameless—on a microscopic slide. Sure some philbacillie a Society should start For Protection of Bacilli from the Doctor’s baleful art. Kocu the evil game first started, and his lymph came squirming in, But, ’twixt you and me, Bacilli did not care a single pin. We went elsewhere in the body, and it only made us roam But it’s hard, you must admit it, to be worried from your home, And methinks the hapless patient had much rather we had rest, When he finds us wildly rushing up and down his tortured breast. Then came Berwuerm and his dodges ; his specific is to flood All the circulation freely with injections of goat’s blood. That is really rather soothing, and it doesn’t seem to hurt, Though they lncrate your feelings with an automatic squirt ; Time will show if it’s effective, but ’twill be revenge most sweet If the patients take to butting every single soul they meet. Next fierce Lreprizcu, quite 4 savage, has declared that we shall die Shattered and exacerbated by attacks of Spanish fi 7; We should like to ask the patient if he thinks he’li live at ease, With his system — with that vile cantharides ? We perchance may before it, yaaing an unequal strife, But it’s any odds the patient will be blistered out of life. Therefore, O my friends, take heart, and these indignities endare, Although every week brings news of an indubitable cure ; We have lived and flourished freely ever since the world began, And our lineage is as ancient surely as is that of man ; While [’ll venture the prediction, as a wind-up to my song. That, despite these dreadful Doctors, we may haply live as long. BLONDEL UP TO DATE, (A Fragment from a History of the Future.) Anp so it happened that the King was taken and imprisoned, no one knew whither. His followers, saving one, treated the matter very calmly. The exception, who was supposed to be wanting in his wits (he played on the barrel-organ), determined to do his best to rescue his Royal Master; and an idea occurred to him. He had noticed that when he performed on his musical instrument those who, perforce, were obliged to listen to him acted str y. So of his audiences had frowned, others had shaken their at and all had gone quickly away. Only once had a loiterer sta behind, smiling a sweet smile, as if he were enjoying the music. To his regret, BLoNDEL subsequently ascertained that the ly fa poy ep = stone oy «1 he wee | 3 if hi vey so great an effect upon the population o native village work marvels in the wide world without. And thus, with s heart full of hope and courage, he started on his travels. He wandered, turning the handle of a ogee, Se many fe mile. He passed through towns, hamlets, and cities; the ut their heads out of their windows, and urged him imperiously to | eee and as he hurried away he gazed at their faces, hoping to have seen the King, his Master, but without avail. He felt, that were His Majesty to hear his music, there would be a farther supply of language savouring rather of the dicing-house than the But, alas! his search was im vain. At length, he reached London, and — it as silent me, — “nape Vy no Goumng ns no Niggers, not even a y- y! Greatly surpri LOND asked a poli the meaning of this strange, this unlooked-fur quietude ! : * Strike up that organ of yours,” said the constable, surlily, “ and I will soon show you!” Browpet turned his handle, and was immediately arrested. ** What for?” echoed the policeman ; ‘‘ why, for infringing the provisions of the Jacobi Street Music Prohibition Act!” And with this brief explanation BLonpEL was carried off to prison! Gp NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether in uo case be returned, not even whea accompanied by a Waere Wl be Be €£cepihion. MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule = 7 DED - we as ry ¥ f { ; ‘ Pe [; au

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI—Manon 21, 1891. HONEY OF WISDOM. We gather the Honey of Wisdom from THORNS, not from FLOWERS, NOBILITY OF LIFE. mixtures I WHO BEST CAN SUFFER, BEST CAN DO.~—Mitton. The Vietorian Reign is unparalleled in the History of Great Empires for its Purity, Goodness, and Greatness!!! WHAT ALONE ENABLES mass OS TO DRAW A JUST MORAL FROM THE TALE OF LIFE? wese & he firmest zene to Se oes religion | wee trom na Am ot Lit of tafe} My occupation being a very sedentary on some personal friends, I have taken your As sunshine on fair Natore’s face, Which dearly do we love to trace; As welcome as the flowers in May, That bloom around us on our way ; As welcome as the wild birds’ song, Which greets us #8 we go along ; As welcome as the flowers’ perfume, That scents the air in sweet, sweet June. UPERIOR TO ALL OTHER SALINES. many years, I th ave ever tricd. GYPT, CAIRO. the first I ley in hospical for six weeks. eae eee Eee eg a e enabl us to draw «a Pe ; what gives f Man ‘and elevate ENOB, Lee ae, * QUEEN's map f ae eee Tyw, June 4, 1877. “ 81m,—Allow me to present you with this Testimonial and Poem on ENO’S justly celebrated FRUIT SALT. I came here to see what change of air would » for me, and, at the wish of UIT BALT, and the good result therefrom is ny reason for addressing you, The Appetite it will enforce, And help the system in ite course ; Perhaps you ‘ve ate or drank too much, . will restore like magic touch, ay mye with ite fearful eway, rives clectric-like away ; And if the Blood is found impure, It will effect a perfect cure, “T am, Sir, yours truly, A Lapy.” ree from danger, free from harm, t acts like some magician’s charm ; At any time a dainty draught, Which will dispel disease's shaft ; More pr.celess than the richest guid That ever did ite wealth anfold ; And al) throughout our native land Should always have it at command. —“ Dear Sir,—Having been in the habit of taking your ‘FRUIT SALT’ for it only right to tell you that I consider it a most invaluable medieine, and far superior to al! other saline I am never without a bottle of it in the house, as | find it possesses three most desirable qualites—namely, it is pleasant to the taste, promptly efficacious, and leaves no unpleasant after-effects I do not wish my name to appear, but apart ——— the publication of that you are welcome to make use of this testimonial if it is of service. ~—A Devowenine Lapy.—Jan. 06, lone.” —fince my arrival in Egyp’, in August jest, I have on thre occasions been attacked by fever; from which on The last attacks have been he owever, completely repulsed in « remarkably short apace f. of time by the use of your valuable ‘FRUIT SALT,’ to which I owe my present health, at gratitude for my sestoration and preservation impels me to add my testimony, and in so doing | feel that I am but obeying the dictates of duty.—Believe me to be, Sir, gratefully yours, A Cosrorat, 18th Hussars. “ Mr. J. 0. be very jeaat, if not my life ite Heartielt Eso—May 3, 1983." USED my ‘FRUIT SALT’ freely in my lest severe attack of fever, and I have every reason to say I believe it saved my life.”"—J. C. Exo. BADACES AND DISORDERED STOMACH.—" After suffering for nearly two and « half years from severe headache stomach, and after wring A - by @ friend to try your ‘ FRUIT 8A now I am restored to my usual! health. truly, Rosset Husmrurzers, Post Office, Barrasford.” The value of EMO'S “FRUIT SALT” cannot be told. Its success in CAUTION. —esmine each Bottle, und see that the Capsule ia marked ENO’S “ FRUIT SALT.” @ worthless imitation, BOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS. en bl: , T,’ and, be almost S- ye: and speading much money without finding any bevefit, | was recom- re I had finished one bottle, | found it doing me a great And others I know that have tried it have not enjoyed such good health for years.— Yours most deal of good, Burope, Asia, Africa, America, and Australia, proves it. Without st, you have been wmposed upon by REPARED ONLY AT ENO’S * FRUIT SALT” ae LONDON, S.E., BY J. C, ENO'S PATENT, he Real “Cup 0’ Kindness.” Bestest ki eating of the CHOICEST BRANDS e Highest Classes of Fine Old Whiskics, in ther Native Party, as produced im Scotland. 3.0.38. OLD S8CUTCH Twelve Yours Old, 50s. per dos. Right - 45s. Ld Ld end upwards. The Proprietors are skilled Seotch Whiskies ; woe will send —_ apie "bettie, Cosstags Paid, anywhere in the Uni as é¢om on receipt of 4s. 64., 4s,, amd a. respontiodiy. PEASE, SON, & CO., LEITH, SOOTLAND. FNGLISH ADDRESSHA, LOND? % and DARLINGTON. TaBLISHED Please mention “ ts Punch * when EXSHAW & COS NEST OLD BRANDY. 4 oth .S. as meveut be WRIGHT Ss “COAL wired : TAR: SOAP Sir CHAS. CAMERON, M.D., anes aTAs Eg NEAVE’ Ss De. BARTLETT, Ph.D., F.C8., nape . SD, dmirably adapted to the wants of infants.” INVALIDS, “FOO Ly 3 Bone- ty 4 comstituents are far above the verage of the best Farinaceous Foods. Por INFANTS, CARLTON HIGHLAND WHISKEY. YEARS OLD. GOLD MEDAL, 1 A EXHIBITION, lem 20a. the Gall; 0a. the Doz. Canttson Patp. Casu Ontt A single bottle, as a sample, w ws et pe Se to any address on receipt of P.O. te hd. RICHD. MATHEWS & CO., 24 and 25, Hart St., Bloomsbury, W.C. Bold by all Lesowe Mancuanrs throughout Imps and the Covon ims WELCOME ALWAYS, KEEP IT HANDY, GRANT'S MORELLA CHERRY BRANDY. Be sure to ask for GRANTS, and don't be put of with inferior makes. Bewaae of rhe Paatt orrenme lartations oF Machtvaes © Camsnon's Pens THE FLYING “J” PEN. Writes ever 160 words py bad ade « 3 “ Ber ms endowed with the — Bold ev~ry where, 64. and ls. per bo ew Sample Box, With afi the kinds, i" by Post Macniven & Cameron, Waverley Works, Edinburch. | OLD IRISH WHISKY. CORK DISTILLERIES COMPANY, Limited, Head Offices: MORRISON'S ISLAND, CORK. DORE’S RAINPROOF-HYGIENIC TWEEDS FoR SUITS AND ULSTERS. 1256, CONDUIT S8T., W. FRY’S PURE CONCENTRATED SOLUBLE COCOA “1 consider it © wery rich, delicious Cocos”—W. EZ. B. STANLEY, UD. Continue to be supplied to Her Majesty the Queen. SEWARE OF IMITATIONS OF DOTH BED 45D BROWN LABSLA. NOTICE.—ESPEGIALLY To LADIES. ALFRED WEBB MILES ¢ COMPANY, 0,e04d 6, BROOK ST AHET, HANOVER cavans, LonDpon. Ww, Having completed extensive séditions to their vemises. beg to notify the opening of » NEW DrraktMent for tne supply of JUVENILE CLOTHING, A ee\eet variety of fachionabi> attire suitable for boys from four years of of verge Man o Wer built, Reoteh cutee K ugby Suits, ton Bult | Inverness ( apes, &¢., &e.. of the yy Con | oe esoun style, will be alweys ope ey for immediate we at moderate prices for comb pe, ments Telegr spate address, W coe Mites. Lowdon Telephone @ 9 Close st 2 ru. om Saturdays, FOR ASTHMA & C DATURA TATULA FOR SMUKING AND INMALATION. SAVORY & MOORE, London, at S Game Goyyews IMitwaros’ 2a

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an’ Guardians who are des rous of Outfitting Colleges, Behoolas, &c very many years en Mesers, SAMUEL waot in Baits, Overcoats, Hosiery, fully met, and durable qualities insured, Free on Application. OUTFITTERS, 65 & 67, LUDGATE HILL, LONDON, and #', KORO. Gray's Inn "Road. The New Aperient Tablets, very pleasent to take - jclows ewertment, useful for const pation gestion, defevent secretion of bile and intes | ® mucus, h@morrholds, interna: congestion and / i any dumoriers of the prima vis They are eaten a. & confection, are immediately absorbed, aad thas | the effect is eure fall Medicine Vendors Qs 64 PER BOX, or of | MEWBERT & SONG, Ling Edward St., LONDON. HORSE GU ARDS, WAR OFFICE. Ave. 6, i= Gewricues,— The new improved Waterproof Cloak || atentry and Caveiry p terns) made A 7 = has been approved worn ln wet weether, of Tasade by all - 1 Ang lhis pattern possesses many advantages over that and it # -onsidered (oe be an exceiient soaced ‘and sealed in i871 ent \ our pattern has now been oe Jopesited dé at the Horse Guards, War Office i am, Gentiomen, yours obedientiy, Hu. OG. Me THE NEW A R M Y REGULATION WATERPROOF. anoon, Col, A.A.G. IMPROVED “t [A A> ee ey To pe map oF act Fiser-( tase Rossen Deacese Tatioms. .¥B Ovrrirress Note thet the only genuine garments to the MALE BY US, and end, ip aeddition, « pett-rne . ially sesiea ere bear ow nAUE wt, ’ RAL on bine ribbo "ANDERSON, ANDERSON & ANDERSON, { Menefecture:s s7 Queee ¥ Victoria ‘Breet, sits so softly onthe shou Special at- ders and is tentien ie = : yes ; called also = oo to the little giving te clip for sup- every poss ning t bie strain, it = . ° crawers, weere Ve 8. ct *Tirarep BB* The Best Presest A WOMAN can give A MAY. W notssaie of 16, 6.8 If, Cucaverne, Lowpen, B. amen * ornern, B.C., If amy difBculty 9 obteiniog, seme Postal Order te FP. bepar a oper winkes 6, Philip ane, London, B.C mailed free by rete nof post EERINGS soa. RINGS sem Gene ®RANDY. The Best Liqueur. juvenile charges for any of the public or private The requirements of Youths and Boys have for gaged the closest attention of BROTHERS, with the result teat this important Department of their business has attained very large dimensions, 60 that ev Boota, &c., Catalogue (400 Engravings) and Patterns MERCHANT TAILORS AND JUVENILE Work Shope :—Pilgrim Street, Ludgate Hull ; { as & pettern for cloak | | L | A TRIAL O | ¢ GLARKE’S PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Manrcn 21, 1891. SAMUEL BROT TOS hs JUVENILE DEPARTMENT. Mesers,. BAMUEL BROTHERS respectfally in- vite an inspection of their Show- Rooms by Parents HOP,. TEA A delicious blend of INDIAN and CEYLON TEA blended with ENGLISH HOPS, prepared under Seettiwe’s Patents Improves the favour of tes, assists digestion. SOLD retail by all Grocers. THE HOP TEA CO., Lm, 8&T. GEORGES HOUSE, EASTCHEAP. 4.4. and 1 lb. samples, with testimonials, &c., will be sent on receipt of P.0.0 HEADACHE, HEADACHE, HEADACHE, UsE HOFFMAN'S HARMLESS HEADACHE POWDERS. Tested in many of the severest cases, and always proved effectaal, They contain no opium, bromides, or narcotics, and the highest medical suthorities have pro- | nounced them harmless. Thousands now aitest their value, and none need suffer from headache. WILL CONVINCE. See that you get HOFFMAN'S HARMLESS | HEADACHE POWDERS. Your own Chemist, and all the Wholesale | Houses. Price ls. 41. per box, Post Free from J. K. MATTERSON, CHEMIST, 108, NEW OXFORD ST., LONDON. “FOR THE BLOOD I8 THE LIFE.” 2/- COLT’S NEW UNITED STATES NAVY REVOLVER for House Protection, Travellers, 4 for Military Purposes, takes Ele al, Ex and «i other “ Cartridges. COLTS LICHTWING MACAZINE RIFLES, For Large and *mail Game, Kook Shooting, and Ta: get Practice, are unsurpassed for accuracy and unequalled for rapid ty of fire COLT’S REVOLVERS carried off ali COLT’S FIREARMS Ce., 14, Pall Mall, Leadon, 5... EDWARD PaRaiee by contract transferred the manufacture of his Syrup to “euine & Bows, The Public are cauti that a pamber of inferior imitations (differing in composition, are sold as Parrish’s. To obtein the original preparation sold for the last 3% K by Secias Bons, purchasers shou 4 ask SQUIRE'S CHEMICAL » ree. FOOD FOR DELICATE CHILDREN. Or Aeurts, on sr Pancet Poor Fass DIRECT rRom SQUIRE & SONS, Her Majesty's Chemists, 43, OXFORD STREET, LONDON. “al WORLD-FAMED BLOOD MIXTURE le warranted to Gennse Ga tined fromall Pa, _ la Liceoln, Baewasas of Woaermtass lurrarions vy their ® B.C. a ___* Nearous.” “ Gast Tan” “ Reran.* “ Bavenres.* | T0 CURE ALL HOWARD BEDFORD PLOUGHS “EXCELLENT—of Great Value.”—Jancet, June 15, 1889, CONCENTRATED Gold Medals, 1884, 1886. PEPTONIZED = fists DELICATE CHILDREN, WEAK DIGESTIONS. ce; == COCOA ano MILK Tins, 1s. 6d. and 2s. 64., obtainable everywhere. SAVORY & MOORE, LONDON. For PLEASURE and PROFIL FRUI Nothing so Profitable and Easy te crm, 74 ACRES IN STOCK. See cazeneoen = for Simple poate Trees to suit ali Sols. ROSE 20 ACRES BUSES, 8s. per doz.; 60s. per 100 Standards, 21a. per dos: = per. Oe Packing and Carriage Pree for Cash with ote ROSES IM POTS, from 15s. per des, ORNAMENTAL TREES 91 ACRE FOUR ACRES OF GLAM. CLEMATIS (80,000), is., I8s., and 2. per te SEEDS age BULBS—Veortaace, Pown, Fanm. Desoriptive Liste Pree. RICHARD SMITH & CO., Worcesi CAMEL FOUNTAIN PER A Whole Letter with One Dip. ~~ Wd ppleng Amy oy ty = and your’ Came’ pens are the best | ever —Listar Sampouars. In One Boxes. Of all Station. © ORMISTON & GLASS, 17, St. Bridest, FLORILINE FOR THE TEETH AND BREA% Is the BEST LIQUID DENTIZ in the World. Prevents the decay of the TESTE. Renders the Teeth PEARLY WHITE Is perfectly harmless, and Delicious to the Taste. ” 10 ete uel Cats sak pa on iia world. 4s. 64. per bottle. DINNEFORD'S | MA MAGNESIA For ACIDITY or ras STOMACH, BRADACHE, GOUT, and INDIGESTION Bold throughout the World ALL FAT PEOPL chenlé he THLE eniLens ou co., ca eae a Pel Roe et a ta ye oe td a pe PUBLISHED EVERY BATURDAY.