Punch 1889-06-15: Vol 96 Iss 2501

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’ CHEMISTRY OF THE FARM. LABOUR ON THE FARM, Half-Crown Helps | soit of THE FARM. EQUIPMENT OF THE FARM. LIVE STOCK OF THE FARM, DAIRY OF THE FARM. B case FARMING) crops oF THE FARM. PLANT LIFE OF THE FARM, (WAMDBOOK OF THE FARM SERIES.) ANIMAL LIFE ON THE FARM. 2/6 each. [Petters ic SHED every SATURDAY. “SONS3d SBSYHL B20INd yy N° 2501. VOLUME NINETY-8IXTH. —~— - j— =e JUNE 15, PUBL — 1a Seen A t fon 5 aie) ioe Yay aii nM J nk i: 3 4 bees re vo |e iin, Si 4 @ ae OFFICE, § 85, eo" STREET, “~*~ AND ®OLD BY ALL ROOKFELLFERA. De 1 lange ; 7 COG ‘Par’

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jouneg 15, 1889. 7 With Plans and Vocabulary, Post Free, ls. 2d. ADAM & CHARLES BLACK Edinburgh Lat MATRIMONIAL HERALD AND —E GAZETTE is PACHOSARLS BARRIS »d only recognised —- 4A for High -( —4 tie o ve relope ue Asérem kaitor, @, Lamb's Contait TO STOUT PEOPLE. howper Toeee seye:—* Mr. Russell's aim is to reapicaTs, to cone the disease,and that his treat- ment | «the true one seems beyond ali doubt. The roedicine he prescribes poms BOT LoWSA, BUT BUILDS vr a*) Tore ree overex.” Book (116 peges) with recipe and notes how to pleasantly and vw eure COeperrt (average reduction im Gsst week is 3 ibe post Lee # stamps Y. 6. RUSSELL, Wobers House, Ctere | Street, Bedford Square, London, W.C. ‘LINCRUSTA - WALTON. The best Wall-Hanging Materia! ARTIST IMPERISHABLE SANITARY. FP. WALTON & 60., Ltd, 2, Mowman &., W THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY #: ESTABLISHED 1825. cumulated Fund, 63 Millions Stg. A P FOR PROTECTION LNIWLSIANI P EDINBURGH, 8 George 6t. (Head Office) LONDON, 63 King William Street, B.C. . 8 Pall Mall East, 6.W. DUBLIN, 66 Upper Sackville Street. Branches & Agencies in India & the Colonies | DELICIOUS FLAVOUR. NO DICESTION NEEDED. | Sterling Value. — | Perfect Fimish | Toothache, Restos, cui & . the CONCENTRATED PEPTONIZED COCOA ano MILK MOST NUTRITIOUS. Gold Medals, 1884, 1886. FOR INVALIDS, pat CHILDREN, ALL OF WEAK DIGESTION. (PATENT). Tins, ls. 6d. and 2s. 6d. each, obtainable everywhere. SAVORY & MOORE, LONDON. TURKISH PASTILS “ Through all my travels few things as- ontague Ladies who admire a * Breath of Flowery puid takes Pastil night and morning BE OPTAIFED OF 414 Perfumers and rome Roya! and Imperial Warrant, Purveyor rook Fabrics to the Royal Families of Burope and the Kank and Fashion of the World EGERTON BURNETTS ROYAL SERGES Pure Sea Unsur , Hovey AL amirable ties — Superb Past Z «. The Immense Variety of New Patterns , he specialities for Ladies, Children, and Gentlemen—to suit all Cli- mates, al! Fashions, and all purses. The Navy Blues are unaffected by Sun, Rain Salt Water, or Mist. NEW _ PATTERNS POST FREE to any address. Auy length Bold Carriage Paid on Orders of Wes, and above to any part of the United K ingdom. © Acerts os Mippie-Men Eurcorep EGERTON BURNETT, Wellington, Somerset, England. JOHN BRINSMEAD & SONS’ UPRIGHT IRON GRAND PIANOFORTES Prices fom 40 Guiness upwards. Jonw Baiwemsan & Sons, Pianoforte Makers by Special peo to Her Keyal Highness the Princess of 1688, 18, 20, and 22, Wigmore 8t., W. Lists free bottle to-day of PERRY DAVIS’ PAIN- xitLen. the Oldest, Best, and most widely-known Family + — in World. It instantly Kelieves and ere Scaids, burns, Sprains, Bruises side, Jou nts, and Limbs, and all N 4 Kheumatic Pains. Any Chemist can supply it at rit and 29 per bottle MAPPIN & WEBB'S eS ng. x Cs A> Sn. > ADS Fins Sere" 3/D “PAGET, 445, STRAND (Pacing Cross Station Artificial lerth without Pilates. Periect imitations of the Netural Teeth Artistic, painless, and perfect. Most moderate fees. Consultations free daily. Dlustrated Pamphlet post free. “pros Sujeq MOU OZ OETA LACCVT NEACK jo soqwul JOp0;U; pus 0mO—"NOILAVO | The OKIGIN«L and KEST has the name CARR'S | stamped on ONE cross strap in every yard. Ask for CARR’S STAMPED LADDER WEB for VENETIAN BLINDS. From al! Ironmongers and Furnishing Drapers. :, yA wh me 7 A — - LONDON, ENg, —o— FINEST SITUATION. EVERY LUXURY ano COMFORT MOST RECHERCHE CUISINE. VERY MODERATE OXFORD. —MITRE HOTE ONE OF THE MOST ECONOMICAL FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE KIXGDoy, WHITAKER & GROSSMITH “WHITE GLOVER” THE FAVOURITE SCENT OF TEE Szasty, 2s. 6d. of Chemists, Perfumers, Stores, or ¢ 22, SILK STREET, cITY, LONDON RANSOMES’ AWN MOWERS, THE BEST in the WORLD, SILVER MEDALS Taventions Exhibition, 1886, Liverpocl, 1886. In all poco to suit every requ uirement. EW AU TOMATON ° “CHAIN aU TOMATON ,.” “NEW _ PARIS,” and NEW BANK CUTTER All Machines sent on a Month's Free Trial, Carriage Paid. Supplied by all lronmongers. RANSOMES, SIMS & JEFFERIES, LA. Ipswich. GRANDE-GRILLE, "sinus*onsa' CELESTING Seneca) Ditton ac H OPI TAL, For Stomach Compliaiats. HAUTERIVE. An excellent Tasts Warne. INGRAM & BOYLE, 62, Farringdon Strest, 26, AND OF ALL CHEMISTS Send stamp \ 5 stan wsinte esis. 1 FROM ENGLI SH DEPOT, 138 DIGBETH, BIRMINGHAM ROWLANDS KALYDOR Cools ond ref creebes,& the Pace durin: Hot wt removes Sunbury kles, &c., and prota Tan, Pree de stifel and ‘delicate ag oe aa Cuemist for Kowland’s Kalydur. wd

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er = “SOnlIudS Jose 15, 1889.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 285 TO CALAIS AND BACK BY_PEN AND PENCIL. Mr, Puncn, = Most Respecrep, WueEwn I told you how I wished to see the beautiful France, to inaugurate the harbour of Calais, you replied, ‘‘ Do so, Barxxrns.’ When I said I was an exile from a country I love like a mother— O my female parent! — that were I to return (to music), 4 should be arrested, and per pape ¢ (oh, horrible let be expelled! you suggested, “Then ~*~ not go in dis- y= yy fee’ I love that is of the theatre! Still I on. oa I questioned once again. “What dis- guise?” Once more you were ready with an answer Member of * thee” Punch] # A Menace to “ La Perfide Albion.” em e unc Staff.” Itrembled! How could I undertake such a task—such a paces: ae r Y fone continued —** You will find it easy y= ya be are alread red comic.” So I started. I was full of amusing aoe igtsient and meee, and Ve my best 44 y lett the Victonn yay past eight—our train a most distinguished aot t. There were high Government o me, and authors, 2m Seve ok, there were those admirable ntlemen, Commander the Continental Traffic, Secretary of State for ant Chatham, and Dover Affairs. 4 we passed the various stations, en route, I fancy I noticed the pointsmen tremble with emotion as they recognised us. I motioned to them not to leave their work— to cheer us—as I considered that a display of good-will at such a time, although deep] y sratifying, might cause an accident. On our arrival at Dover, we were Cama with every sign of rejoicing, to the Calais- vres. This is cent new steamer of the L. C. & D. R., and worthily re re its namesake, the wonderful Siamese twin-vessel that, it will be remembered, was always at the service of passengers subject to mal de mer—except in rough weather! In rough weather the old Calais-Douvres very wisely remained at home. Our voyage was uneventful. Amongst our » he on board was a distinguished Member «5 a | ange Cy Peers, who by an oversight had neglected to A Be g eronet him (he had even forgotten the box veagmy Ap and who, ee elected to keep that my co en would pardon this noble self-¢ ae -° they waderstood ¢ that of course Englishmen — prank Sak SS that the loss of Calais caused the gravest regret to an illustrious ancestress of Her present Majesty. e commemoration of the French Revolu- tion cannot be officially sesaghieed nor can the cession of Calais by England to France! As the Calais- Douvres reached its destination (in admirable time) The President Visits the Sight of Waterlow. my heart increased its ———- I nearly fainted with emotion as Would it be safe to land? I would wo be dil not eppene, em recogni cause surprise) I ake on ine the agente wad awaited the visit of the President, But first,we had a procession. It was | led by a dispatch-boat occupied by M. Cannot, and followed by a I noticed there was a new risk it! second dispatch-boat, then came some to’ vessels (representing ~ French Navy) then sample vessels Pon v4 Railway Companies, One of the latter—the Albert Victor belonging to the 8. ER seemed to me to get out of hand and would stroke the uay ety her paddle-box. I could not see those on board, but felt intuitively that this {proceeding -— have given great delight to Sir Epwarp and his ever J _— e 8’ Mytes—I beg pardon, I should say Sir Myxzs. ent passed, there was a little cheering which sounded AL — as at it came from British throats. We watched the procession as it disappeared, and then after an hour’s pause we noticed a crowd apgoces —_* was headed by M. Cannor. After a careful (and Lape bly € austive) inspection of the resources of the new Railwa ae crowd eme from a waiting-room, and made for the eae Dowvres. This was the supreme moment of my day! The President (such a President! not even in a cocked hat and on ‘foot ! !) attended by his Generals (such Generals !—were | at the Bureau de la Guerre I would——but stay, I must dissemble), came on board. Sir Sypwey Warertow, the D. (. of the L. C. & - R., received him. Mr, Witt1am Forses bowed. I who speak to concealed my face! I smiled grimly as I saw M. Cannor shudder and grow ever, as he noticed the preparations in some of the cabins for what call “ dirty weather.” Ah! this i met he dates wet ! oe, vee seoues de rigueur— us, evening an umbre e did not recognise me! | en I remembered that I was hidden in the personality of a member of the Staff of Punch, and ogee Who would not leash at such asight? The pro- cession—the President, the Gonsels (such Generals !), bouquet-bearer (such a > Seaaeal ad me peng ts ineventog dress (such even- \, ing ane — once more, vanished, I was not known § —I was not denounced! I was saved ! In the evening I assisted at the ae It A. N very good dream followed by a +t * hats a te ay po New Version of the “ Pas de Calais.” that I returned in perfect safety to England. And yet I must add this: In spite of the n pe OE concealing my identity ; in spite of whatever may poy been blandishments of that grand old elt, |farceur, Sir ew ieee Lawsoy (who was on the Calais- Douvres) ; spite of the disappointment of not having the rtunity of choosing a second horse ata circus-—I did not return in liquor! Accept my consideration the most distinguished, Tue Brav’ Genera. [We are Fe» —_ at the above pepe = as we ve ue recollection of asking any foreigner to eS inauguration of the Calais Harbour. omnes wai under the that the gentleman who accepted the ae pest of “Our Special eee (and whose handwriting, although rather shaky, essnahine diaat. of our unknown Correspon- dent) was British born. It sta ti inal we are told, on what seems to us to be au not return by the Calais- Dowvores, It ia said Heyy to dance (under the inspiration of the moment) the “ Pas haring Calais” at the Ball following the Banquet, he was promptly removed, and, yt pe wg of the Authorities, was subsequently provided, free of expense, with an apartment in that ‘well- known hostelry, the Hétel de Ville We ai await from him an explanation of what appears to be a mystery.—Ep.] STABLE COMPANIONS. ABROAD AND At Home. Tux “Oaxs” Day, Jun~e 7, 1889. VOL. XCVI, BB

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=— Mr. Punch loquitur :— Bravo, my Loxp Maron! It’s a singular sight ce —— : 7 , Ne | « 3——|—S= ) . ~Z PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (June 15, 1889. ‘ ARMING THE KNIGHT.” Mopern Civic VERSION, - - ~ ~ SSS — _ SS Ss ay 1. ‘ ————=> ~~ MEP = Has it paled back since then to a pitiful splatter ? The question is one he does not like to utter, But Middle-class shirking, and Upper-class scorn, Is this same modern version of ‘‘ Arming the Knight ;” Which seem to have since the Movement was born, And Joun Butt to stump up must be other than slow, Official neglect, and the snubbing of snobs, If he wants any portion in Punch’s Bravo! The huckstering spirit that haughtily robs A Patriot Volunteer Fund shows the nous and Our “ Citizen y” of comfort and scope, Or very much more, will be fitly expend In none Be lads whom so few have befriended Of late. less us all! When patriot fire, fresh stirred up from its embers, Blazed forth at the thought of Invasion. Heigho! Thirty long years ago! Right feeling of WurreneaD, and sure Eighty Thousand, | Do stimulate fear and falsify hope. - Dogs of War,” Mr. Punch, in the year ’Fifty-nine, Call the young Volunteers ; j ly dogs, who in line — Mr. Punch well remembers Would face the “* French es,” then given to snarling. i The Rifleman then was Society’s darling Was petted, and patted, ed and puffed, Thirty long years ago! By swells made a chum of, at Wimbledon stuffed,

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Jone 15, 1889.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. | dressed to the House of Commons, the Roy | Physicians have pointed out the absolute necessity for | sons are looking forward to the time when eve | be entitled to write after his name either M.D. or | | | The swells have cooled down and the ciis have call | And Royal Dukes snub, and press-pessimi : and cheered in the City. At Westminster flattered, come o’er the scene; more’s the A change has now 4 om, pessimists scoff ; And he who Jonw Butt from Conscription’s harsh grip To save on the cheap—cannot get his equipment! [meant Shame, Jouw! Your bad faith has me more Punic, If your Volunteer guards lack great-coat, mess-tin, tunic. Your young “‘ Dogs of War” without war-kits? Absurd! If they cannot sup a, ou should “‘ like a bird.” Well, here’s soon rd Mayor WHITEHEAD now gives you the chance ! And you’re not the old Jonn if you do not advance At the double to back him, and hang the ex ! For neglecting this form of the Nation’s Defence, The cheapest all round, you can have no excuse. It should not have been left to him, but there’s small use In harping on that, you deserve the same raillery, As when for your National Portraits a Gallery Had to be furnished by private munificence, But that you should open your purse in a jiffy, sense Patriotism and pride must dictate, And he giveth twice who gives early, not late. To arm, or equip, the young Knight of the Rifle, Is clearly your duty ; ’twill cost Sut a trifle Com with the sums which you freely disburse Every year from your big, almost bottomless purse, For what was once —you remember the day, That ’tis equally true at this hour, Punch won't say— ** An army of lions, led on by jackasses,” Volunteering ’s now shirked by the well-to-do classes ; They tell us. The asses must go, if they will, But the stalwart young lions who stick to it still, And are plucky, ough poor, must be fitly looked after, Or you’ ll be a butt for the world’s scornful laughter. One good turn does merit another, that’s clear, Then volunteer help to the young Volunteer. Reciprocity should not be all on one side. It is your great privilege—should be your pride— Every patriot must pay up, in person or purse ; If some shirk the former, why so much the worse ; But let them fulfil the next best form of right, And help the Lory Mayor in ‘‘ Arming the Knight.” tition ad- College of Lerrer Perrecr.—In a recent circular Private Asylums, and raised objection to any limit being put to their number. Evidently these distinguished per- Woy A.D. — THE WAY TO PROLONG LIFE. Jones, M.P. ‘My pean FEeLLow, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY—PLENTY oF Rest. I MAKE IT MY RULE ON Orr-NIGHTS—WEDNESDAYS, SATURDAYS, AND SUNDAYS —TO GO TO BED AT 9°30, PARTIES, YOU KNOW—BUT THESE ARE Exceptions.” Smith. ‘‘ AH, NO WONDER YOU LOOK 80 WELL! DID YOU MAKE DURING THE SessiOn Last YEAR!” Jones, M.P, *‘ WetL—a—TAKING A Session aT A Goop Six MonTHs—THA! 1s 182 pays—I SHOULD SAY THERE WERE 181 Excrrrions! OF COURSE ONE MUST ATTEND A FEW DINNERS AND AND HOW MANY EXCEPTIONS ” | WHAT MR. PUNCH’S MOON SAW. SEVENTEENTH EVENING, | ‘*A Few nights ago,” said the Moon, “I was looking down on a| French Fair, which was being held outside a small Norman town. It} had a very picturesque appearance, with the coloured lamps and | gay streamers, and the bustling crowd of pleased and chattering | French people. All the usu sights were there; the Strong Woman, the white-robed Pierrot, blowing his immense trumpet in front of the stage, the Quack Doc- | tor, the Lottery Stall, the Circus, and the Merry-go-round, and I, the Moon, was present at each per- formance, from beginning to end. But the t attraction seemed to be a Shooting Gallery, around which all the best marksmen were collected, each endeavouring to hit the bull’s-eye, though without the least success. If anyone could have to hit the exact centre, he would not only be enti- tled to choose a prize out of a col- noe of little gilded vases and colow shades, but a door would have opened, and a Dg ge angel, | representing Fame, have appeared, holding out a wrea so great a triumph. Unfortunately, though all had done their best, no one had succeeded in inducing this angel to show itself, and some | little plaster image came s' : ‘an instant—before it had time to retreat, the second Englishman, statuettes, under glass | to celebrate sceptical youths were even growing to disbelieve in its existence. Presently I saw two of your countrymen elbowing through the crowd, with that air of grown-up people at a children’s party which you all adopt when you go abroad, and which makes you so i! with foreigners. ey came to the Shooting Gallery, and stood watching the efforts of the natives for a while with pitying con- tempt. Soon a murmur of excitement arose—the English Milords were about to try their skill. Would they succeed where Gustave and Jutes and AtpHonse—who had all served their time in the ranks—had failed? Impossible, since these English, it was well known, were an unmilitary people, for all their a nee! The taller of the two was shouldering his a . + +» Would he never have done aiming? Ah! but see—the bell has rung—he has suc- |ceeded! And then the crowd uttered a long-drawn exclamation— partly of jealousy, partly of satisfaction—for the angel was no myth after allf Yes, the door at the back opened, just as the proprietor had declared it would, and now a little plaster angel, with very red cheeks, and a trumpet held to its simpering lips, came jerkily out, extended a garland to the fortunate Englishman, and staggered in again, after which the door shut with a snap. “The victor maintained the phlegm of his nation—he did not seem particularly elated; but the shorter and stouter Englishman whispered in his ear—it was a challenge of skill! Now both took up guns; this time, assuredly, they must fail! But no—the first Seotichaen fired, and again the bell rang, and again the smiling ring out of the door; and i with a really diabolical treachery, raised his gun, and deliberately blew the poor little angel—trumpet, wings, simper and all—into atoms! I thought the crowd would have torn them in pieces, they were so enraged. The proprietor was frantic—he tore his hair, and danced dramatically in his despair, as he pointed to the shattered

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rE PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. (Jowe 15, 1889, mains of the image of Fame. It was detestable, it was ignoble to hoot his angel down like one of their own foxes! It meant ruin to him, for that was the only angel he possessed, and was it probable that Jones and Gustave and ALPHONSE would continue to contend when there was only a pair of feet left to congratulate a victory ? The Englishmen remained cool; they threw down a couple of sovereigns on the table, and went off laughing. ‘* A little later, I saw the proprietor standing alone by his deserted stall. He gazed in the direction of the two English whose light suits were still conspienous in the crowd, and shook his fist with a terrible gesture. ‘ Perfidious Albion!’ he cried, ‘ nation of insolents ! Wait only till we have BoutawGer once more—he shall avenge me this outrage!’ And then, still scowling, he bit the pieces of gold to see if they were genuine, and closed his gallery for the . I was sorry for him,” added the Moon, “‘ and I think that if your two countrymen had been true ey they would have an inoffensive little angel. Still, I hope there will be no war t it.” | longer strides than ever, a | of Bill. | Auruvr, smiling and blushin —— ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday te June 3.—A great day for the Government. Business advanced by leaps and bo’ ARTHUR Bacrour almost breathless with bringing in Bills. Had five all in a batch; dealt with Drainage, and Establish ment of Light Railways. According to Magna Charta (stipulation also embodied in Bill of Rights, so Epwarp Crarke tells me), no law would run in Ireland, or indeed elsewhere in the Uni Kingdom, ess Mini or Member in charge started from Bar of House when bringing it in. Whole process very funny. Shows with what care Constitution is built up. Here’s Batrour with his five Bills; moves for leave to introduce them; Srzaker puts question ; no one objects; Batrovr, springing up from walks with ingi stride towards the doorway ; halts at Bar ; bout ; suddenly oking UP, quite ised to find him there, calls him by name; whereupon RTH ushing M young maiden, taking ch tumbling over the obeisance makes te a ana with pices of = hand, 3 oe ports to be the Bi ie eg e is paper imposture; no at all; only a piece of foolscap, folded wise, in with name Clerk at table enters thoroughly into spirit of fun; when , brought up his scraps of paper, Clerk, raising his eyebrows with air of surprise as who should say, ‘** Dear me! you don’t say so?” read out title of Bill indorsed on back. ‘* Bann Drainage Bill read a First Time.” Nobody did read it first time, for best of all reasons—nothing to read ; Everybody made-believe that it was read a First Time, and in to-morrow’s official record of business done you’ll find “Bann Drainage Bill read a First Time.” This done, Batrovur set off again on fresh expedition to Bar. Brought in in succession the Barrow Drainage Bill, the Shannon Drainage Bill, and the Suck Drainage Bill. Quite breathless when the fourth Bill safely landed. Still one other, the Light Rail- ways Bill. Could he manage this, in addition to other four? He might. Would certainly try; dauntless spirit, and body in fair training with golf. But there was a fatherly eye upon him. one ob =e I= feverish eye, pare ips, the pantin breast, the trembling limbs. Had many a q with Batrour, but . not going to see him done in com- a this foolish tour de force. ; only way to save a valuable li i * fe was to iting wt ack tion to First mag | Bill. Joserm did it. oy! y graphically and - Railway to ‘ Ae ee in across the path.” Then went on to describe ratepayers robbed by romotion of existing light RF c In ten Sir Corry. ways; sd a ioe pees of . ‘ching money, always with fatherly eye on Batrovr, “ wa’ said Sir Cory, ‘‘as a hen watches its favourite chicken.” minutes Daasere got his “—— again, ready =P start; seeing which, Joserm concluded his obj i Baxrour, setting ‘hie hth Bal, peculation and waste of off for Bar once more, brought in Business done. — Trenormous! stage, besides block of Supply. Half-a-dozen Bills advanced Old Moralist managed the holiday with Yesterday Lyon Piarvarr wanted to week, OLD listening There was a tone of infinite a in his voice. “‘ No, ” he said, ** it cannot be eff here are few things, compati le with my duty to the House, the Country, and the Queen, that would give me greater effulgence of satisfaction than to extend the leisure time of the Commons —¥ pes paceman” aut, locking | = > ublic business, an ving _ the of the year a hich we have now, however tardily, arrived, ! do not see—and I say it with great how we can meet the views of Hon. Gentlemen. We must really return to the scene of our labours on Thursday the 13th of June instant.” That seemed to settle it ; Motion for Adjourn- ment must be made at Momming Sitting to-day. When House met, Otp Moratiry again approached on interesting subject. ‘ “Tam,” he said, in reply, ‘most anxious,to meet the views of the House, as far as I possibly ean. Any expression of on the part of Hon. Members falls upon me as dew upon cultivated soil —that is, as far as is compatible and consistent with my public duty. Why, I may ask, does dew fall more abundantly on cultivated soil than on barren lands? Because cultivated so ing loose and rous, very freely radiate by night the heat which they absorbed day ; in consequence of which they are much cooled down and plentifully condense the vapour of the passing air intodew. I am, —if I may say so,—loose and porous whenever the dew of the House’s desire f upon me, P think, therefore, that if we are able to take Class II. in Su ne with the exception of the Irish Votes, it will bein the power of e Government to propose an exten- sion of the holidays until Monday week.” ’ } That settled it. Class Il. rattled through with extraordinary vigour. Grorce CAMPBELL, concerned for Scotch Votes, lay down in middle of road, and tried to stop onrush. Members ruthlessly trod on his prostrate body. **More than ever a ‘ fearful creature,” said PLUNKET, = - Sa Fee Vaespaed y Six o’Clock Votes passed, and, amid rapturous cheering, OLp Moratiry,—looser, more porous than ever,—moved that the House, at its rising, ad- journ till Monday the 17th. Prospect of holiday enabled remnant of House to r with moderate patience debate on ,Bi- Metallism, raised at 7 Evening Sitting by Squire of ~ 4 Branxney. Having turned “ his back on Protection, Squire takes up Bi- Metallism with all Tuesday.—W ily and wary his usual fact and skill. , know whether we could not “have off” till Monda y Moratrry shook his head, a tear g ing in ate ops the vigour of wing youth. Spoke for an hour and forty minutes. Sam SMITH essay an hour long. James MacLean, only man on pub- lished list of speakers House = wae on —_ speeches, t go ng rounding verbiage. O~p Moratiry got One ; fi for Whitsuntide. The Squire of Blankney. , delivered one of his practical, unadorned t to the point, a pleasing contrast with sur- is innings at a Quarter to ed up space creditably ; and at One o’Clock all went home Business done.—Adjourned for Holidays. J FROM A A'STUDY ON THE THAMES. | , Down nox |dents to para- chutes are becom- ing so numerous that they are scarcely a matter forman’s ter. on the ag peribe them (to the confusion of those who aid and abet }|them) as man’s i Mg lo k-Jaw. su itself readily to humorous treatment, but a fatal fall from the clouds is no joke— especially to the faller!

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June 15, 1889.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 289 —3 “MODUS OPERANDI.” ( The Covent Garden Government and Her Majesty's Opposition). Monday, June 3.—Very full house indeed, ready to support an addition to the Cabinet ot the Covent Garden Government. MaRIE Van ZANDT, anes : _— appense for the first time = ible position. When F ‘for the ont i, A, I * feated ac last ppeared in on, she was quite a little girl—so to speak, searcely a Van—more . of a perambulator. An after that experience she took ro th | Monsieur could not have been “ Evening dress indispensable.” i observes in Sweet Lavender, and a om of pro meeting of Her Majesty’s .—Aida again, bu “ihe difference. I was sorry to find Madame Scatcur out of the cast, although her place was fairly —_ filled by another. This opinion was shared a friend, who n recognition of m suggestion ( (conveyed in plain English) that Amneris was De IGNE,” observed “ dione —soarcely | - make up for any shortcomings elsewhere, Madame Norpica in the title réle was phe magnificent. 1 received an ovation, and took her call before eo Curtain Curtain with graceful —— She was uded by everyone—evern by the orchestra. NI (upon whose swurthy shoulder the Indian girl had k) bestowed upon her a mark of approbation which proved to demonstration that he was not nearly so black as he was painted. The finale of the Triumph Scene was | eg extreme. ere was a volume of sound that led me to believe that even the serpents of the standards (to say a of the serpents in the military band) were joining in the chorus. The house was crowded in eve —so full indeed that it was necessary to lacard the veatib e with announcements that no admission would e granted to umbrellas. This being the case, sticks appeared before (but not behind) the eng Her Majesty’s Opposition wide awake with Za Sonnambula, The Chorus. “whe missed their train at Turin, now arrived, and in full force. Pacryt (Reena) the Queen of the evening. Wednesday.—An extra night (the first of the Season), of extra- ordinary value. The knotty point of what to play was "solved by Avevustus Drvurio- ne — |} anus choosing the | | EAL TALIA Ra | Nozze di Figaro, 4 CONT ARC Madame Axpant led To : the Van—after the MOZART § end of “ Act—to {Le Nozze Di Fed tion is over. No receive the hearty congratulations of lala. Both were —- In fact, Mile, Manre was the most de-|a lightful Cherubini I » have ever seen. } When this as is put up again, % will be no necessity to substitute a new at ey ; ; : = AN ZANDT The most interesting Page in the Nozze di Figaro. was capital f the first line to the end of | chapter. Her singing was faultless, and her acting was not only wey «= Doe but more than nice. In the Letter-writing Duet between Madame ALBani and Susanna, Mile. Exta Russert gave the most artistic assistance. Until then I had rather regretted the foreign title that had been bestowed in the ana agen. § this lady of Anglo-Saxon birth. ne thoroughly sa‘ satisfied, as she took an encore with istinguished colleague, that it would have been a matter if she had been Missed, Dawn Dnarni a very ~~ Count. More at his ease, I fancy, than in elderly eatin of the Traviata. arr prefer him in the Nosse. But, after all, it is obviously merely a matter Mile, | his command (inclusive of the the | its full maturity, is very pure and sweet, and in I certainly | cially . sta of account. Signor Coroent, a first-rate London resentative of the rer. better even than that amiable lover of all that is . oHNSON—engaged in another place. All in all, the ance of Hos soy concerned ” may prove to be the most ically DRvRIOLANUS, with all the resources * of the season. gestions of his Committee) imagine will find it extremely t to sult to beat i record. ame" ~ Copeation quite ent —in Garden with with at Covent an an excellent caste Malem A, who has won A ed a nom de thédtre, uty Colonial, call herself Melbourne ?), a: as a Gilda, Madame Besneuk e filled the part to admiration, ok nor atten , the name was Monsieur LassaLLe sang in French, w I. beg om, Madame Metsa— a, one -a-dozen sung the same time would out-Ollendorff Ortzwporrr. Be this as it may, better—his Ri was in eve performance—not a thin note in i However, this di presen, VD declared ‘Another Monsieur (one ilk) was anything but bad as J/ Duca; on the contrary, he played and looked very well indeed, I fancy from this gentleman's performance oe & Italian noble must have been ed to theCafés on the Boulevards, = rR ne pute crévé of the last Empire! The hou sao ae = ~~ e room for ty of enthusiasm. Mjety'¢ Oppontion GAaRGANO accom: t of a real ed "Seda is reported to have said t Epsom (late in th —As someone ve in evening), “‘a Faust-rate Opera at Covent Garden. : Bumeme did not turn up subsequently, and if he had, he would probably have Mivins GARDEN, | « 1 SS Nell f cl Rival attractions at Epsom and Covent Garden, Our Ar'ist (who dined rather late on the Oaks Day) sends an “ Impressionist Study.” found no room, as the house was crammed from floor to ceiling. Before the Curtain rose there was some anxiety felt lest the sompeny should be detained at the Oaks. But the fear was happily eatventes as Mesdames Norpica and Scarcui, Messieurs Reszke, to say nothing of Signor TaLazac, were in their - i. at the appointed hour. Again a night of triumph. Monsieur Lassarre, as yo pe greatly to be preferred to Signor CasTELMARY who, after all, was rather a poor devil of a fiend. No sitting in the House of Her Majesty's ition Saturday.—At Covent Garden, a glorious finale to 8 glorious week. Loh in, with Arpant in the title réle / Bantowt Maca- rnon1 GucKInt still absent, so his place oceupied by Monsieur Herr Jean DE Reszxe, Esq. The ** Song of the Swan” was sung in a style that banished the thought of its ever being accompanied by the voice of the goose. Madame ALsani in wonderful yoice—EZisa to the life and death. The Mant also well to the prea, ores se ready to come up smi , Ta ing. Altogether a splendid performance. Ave, AUGUSTUS DRvRIOLANDS, Ave! By Her Majesty’s Opposition, in place of Lucia, which had been announced, the well-worn La nambula wembula wes Baye in the well- worn way, with the usual doll’s water-mill, a somewhat throaty Rodolfo Gignot Pasvaes At), caine an Elvino (8i then Jet a little Vicus1) who sang forcibly, But Mile. Reorwa Pacunt, ng Nog Sn hardly attained in the last Act espe- deserved her reception. Her voice, which has, she sang exquisitely, and fairly held a not too crowded house. Vieat Reota !

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| | PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI [Juwe 15, 1889. THINGS ONE WOULD WISH TO HAVE EXPRESSED DIFFERENTLY. OUR SEMI-DETACHED NEIGHBOURS, Grace. “ AND Yet, DeAR, HOW LITTLE WE HAVE SEEN OF EACH OTHER LATELY—CONSIDERING THERE I8 ONLY A PARTITION-WALL BETWEEN Us!” Emily, * Bor ToHex, Dear, IT 18 SUCH A COMFORT TO FEEL THAT YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE!” “WESTWARD HO!” Aw Ipytiic Fracment, King Arthur . Mr. GL-pst-Ne. Sir Bedivere Sire W. H-re-rr, For on their march to Westward, Bepivexe, Who in the Forest New was Arthur’s host, At Malwood heard the mutterings of the King :— **T find it in the records of the polls, I find it in the flowing of the tide, But in the West, always, I find it not. And so I’m going to pass my holiday In holding forth to gathered Cornishmen. B-Lr-k, the Tories’ new divinity, Still wages war in the sad Emerald Isle, Ome! For why is all around us there As if some lesser god had made the place And had not force to shape it as he would, Till my i Rule, high scheme, whereof ’m fond, | Shall enter it, and make it beautiful ? A plan, if faint-defined, yet wholly fair, But that the eyes of men are dense and dim, And have not power to see it as it is! By heaven, but they shall see it ere I close! For I, being simple, thought to work my will, And yet have lifted the new flag in vain ; For much whereon I leaned in flock and friend Is traitor to my rule, and half my realm Reels back to Tory ways, and is no more ; Nay, some there be who reckon on my death: But I'll astonish them before I die.” This heard the bold Sir Beprvers, and : ““O me, my King, let pass whoever will, Jor, and that sullen patron of the Turf ; But I will stick to thee like death, and cling Until we win back place ; the golden cloud Of thy free eloquence whelm men’s minds Asever. Nay, as yet thou shalt not pass. And care not thou for Whitsun rest, but rise— I hear the steps of Moprep in the West, And with him many of thy people, and knights Once thine, whom thou hast fed’ but grosser grown Than Tories, spitting at their vows and thee. tight well in heart they know thee for the ing, Arise ; go forth, and conquer as of old.” Then spake King Artuvr to Sir BepIveRE :— ** Far other is this battle in the West Whereto we move, than when we strove in youth, Or brake cute Dizzy's bands, or fought with Rome, Or thrust the Tory from Midlothian’s heart, And shook him ’ the North. Ill fate is mine To war against my people and my knights: The king who fights his people fights himself. And they, my knights, who loved me once, the stroke That strikes at them is as a blow to me, Yet let us hence, and feel or find a way Through this blind haze, which ever since I saw Power lying at the feet of Sarisnury the passes of the Party World.” Hath blurred So said the tireless chief, and forward fared To wagin way warfare in the West ; Wild work to fill a Whitsun holiday ! NAVAL INTELLICENCE—UP TO DATE. Ir is satisfactory to know that affairs are looking up at Portsmouth, and that it is now believed that the Authorities will be in a —— to cope with the difficulty occasioned y the deficiency of big guns by the date of the approaching Naval Review. Hh Tronclad Blunderer will, it is said, be sure to have one of her four promised $ on board in time, while one other will bor- rowed for the occasion from the Jackass, and the remaining two supplied from the reserve of condemned ordnance of an extinct type, of which a large store is always kept in d, with a view to possible emergencies. =—§_— There is also said to be some makeshift in contemplation for the pryper supply for ; ae alr and the bel ey et our-poster; but it is supposed that this deficiency will be met by requisitioning the services of both the guns on the Parade at the back of the Horse Guards, the one on the Fort at Margate, and several others from the proprietors of Rosherville Gardens. As there is no ammunition available for on seal the on they will not De ty ical use for firing purposes ; e fac that they are mee at . mast - regarded as a favourable sign by who have been hitherto disposed tocriticise severely the tardiness of the Authorities. Anyhow, it may be gathered, as Mr. StanHopE con- fided bo 4 = of Commons, when he last addressed it on this question, that ‘‘those who are responsible” are evidently grappling with it with much vigour and originality.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Jowe 15, 1889. “WESTWARD HO!” OR, HIS LITTLE HOLIDAY.

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June 15, 1889.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. PUCK AMONG THE PICTURES. Wuewn Puck takes the pencil his fancies to limn, With the spirit of humour, the impulse of whim, Art, masking as Momus, illumines with mirth, The follies and frauds of our dull-driven earth. In a world so beset by the base and impure, There is plenty of office for Caricature ; And when Trr1an and Turner have layed ys om part, There is still a wide sphere left for Humorous A: He who’d gather its view of the vicious and silly. Should visit the Institute’s halls, Piccadilly. From Hoearts to Furniss! A ‘fairly e stretch For the lords of broad fun and satirical sketch. Not too well selected, scarce neatly ey oe Much might be omitted, and some changed. But he who would study, what few understand, British Caricature in the mass, at Might well do much worse than betake him ‘as we go) To view \—~ onan of Horrock and Greco. Sor x we from canvas wide-spread, = os tagestam p”s _— lea muddle —* ead. e who pores for some hours, in hot weather At “ Cartoons” and “ thumb-nails,” wall huddled together, In fashion suggestive of hurry, may find More of fog than fine pe tae ory possessing his mind. There is hardly a thin, —— oy Much more than a m rs jokes, Whether merely Joe or —*y wit-lisoen ones, Focal dine tes ta this sonch ep ovidton anon The mind, like the stomach ’s not boundlessly peptic Of pungencies ; showmen should be more eclectic. But here ’s broadly humorous, human Hoearrs, Who knows man all round from the hulks to the hearth ; whose brush is a flail, , whose wit canes fail. wild -_ sheer force, eens Here e Gtuiauy, bis fellow in brash-p power and brain. The great Dioscuri of Satire in Comes Crurxsuay« the fertile, a Wik the spirit of D teaedy test et ith burkeagen. Comes Szymovr’s keen eye for the humours of sport ; And dear “‘ Dicky” move 8 dainty fun, of a sort Sui generis, genial, prece ful, and quaint. Here’s *‘ Paz,” efill delighifal, wi with ncil or paint, Spite of fluent convention : , that i is poz, 0 criticise closely that ~ B of ** Boz,” Who first made his characters live in our eyes ; aan h Barwarp, whose art with late knowledge i is wise, elicate GreEN, with broad Browne here compete. And then, with a world of his own fresh and sweet, Free and broad as the fair - —y 7 he drew With felicitous ay and with touches so - :~ fair Lp. with cheeks of the Saich, my well, unforgettable Leecu, Sean genial Jon streets, in the fields, At hemp Ghaaset oomalir hardly he yields In sheer strength tothe elders of Soneeneas A sapped and good taste he still plays ibs own part Uae None too well on these thick-covered walls he. RawpotrH Catpecorr thralls nape eye ted that blending of humour and grace, For which who will fill his too soon voided place ? Then Tennret, the classic, whose art’s fine i Gives us never a line or a touch in excess ; Du Mavrrer, the black-and-white THACKERAY; Keene Of the pencil miraculous ; Ais art is seen Not with insular optics alone as superb. Then SamBovurwe the subtle, whose fancy to curb, Dulness vainly might try ; fertile F oy whose fire Of invention and humour no la Brisk Bryay, and whimsical Suasrvan 5 Anny And Baxrer with talent too fine for his text. These and others all crowd on these walls. Well, to Puc, In the réle of an artist, Punch wishes good luck. The Art that shoots Folly, with fun, as she fies, And hammers old Humbug, and and lashes new lies, Is a wholesome delight, a chastening scou urge. So, spite of some Gunes peas one faults, Punch would urge His readers towards Pi start, For Sir JamEs’s new fees Mato umorous Art. ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. Impromptu Dentistry.—We can well understand your desire, if possible, to carry on at once without a day’s delay, the nice little Provincial Dentist’s Practice that has just come to = through the will of the second cousin ape mention. and you ve no doubt, seeing that you know nothing of the business, acted wisely in having immediately commenced practising extraction by taking up all the nails in the stair-carpets as soon as you received the Solicitor’s letter intimating to you your good fortune. No doubt your having had some experience in driving a four-horse coach might, as you suggest, warrant you in the belief that you would soon be able to command a * grip ” of the instrument, when once you had it into the patient’s uth, but we cannot, at the moment, to mind any thoroughly recognised Institution that, taking this circumstance into consideration, would be likely to hurry an urgent applicant through all the req courses, and grant him his diploma forthwith, ge ne though. yy! — exist. Perhaps your best way would be, after all to take the b by the horns, and boldly throw your- self into the dob and see ont, you can "make of it. You might at first secure the assistance and co-operation of the local Chemist’s boy, who, you will probably find, has already had a large experience in the matter of extraction. Between you, you ought to be Mole, at — ~ for a short time, so to conduct matters as not to seriously scare x > ~~ Of course, some disagreeable oe y break a jaw ~ two; and may happen,” Yu don’t tee any prospect of this kind dishearten =. We think your idea of ‘‘ payment by results,”—namely, that should charge a patients = a shilling, if you sueceed ‘n the top of a tooth off, -a-crown if you managed to it out, and five shillings if you condu the operation satis- factorily, and extracted the whole tooth entirely,—a little risky. There is novelty about it, and old-fashioned patients are, therefore, likely to look at it with considerable distrust. You are right ao ay Ps y one should not as easily become a dentist as a ga for that is wanted is a facility for successful “* tugging.” “We shall be interested in hearing how you have grappled with and met the few initia’ difficulties that appear likely to beset you in this rather hastily- new calling. Aw UnrortTunatTe -— =e” —That of Captain Woopwaxn’s at the instance Justice Manisty, after consultation with Mr, Justice MaTrHEw.

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294 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [June 15, 1889, EVICTION. Visitor. ‘‘Oorn |—WHAT BEASTLY ToBACCO ARE You-—” Host. ‘‘Ye', I know. Suvut tae Door! Some Arrican CiGARETTEes I KEEP ON PURPOSE—FOR MY MOTHER-IN-LAW. D'RECTLY I uieut vp, sue's ort! Oren THE WINDOW FOR A BIT, AND TAKE A WEED!” = PATRIOTISM A LA MODE. I’m a Patriot! No chap can be worth a single rap Who doesn’t love his native land with ion. Yet stay, though, let me see! Humph! how awkward it If patriotism were the general fashion ! [might be Were there patriots all round it would tly disconcert you When you want for your own land all power and pelf. No; I see that J must have the monopoly of this virtue, And no one must be a patriot save myself ! LORD DUFFERING AT THE MANSHUN HOUSE, Ever since the time as I gave my raythur largish order for Coles to my lordly Cole Merchant, the most Honnerabel the Markis of Lundonderry—which it was just this time last year, and werry decent sort of Coles they was too, fairly nubbly, and werry respect- able for size and with a hutter habsence of slates-—I have bin possesst of quite a longing desire to see, with my own estonished eyes, what yartickler sort of pusson, to look at, a Most Honnerabel Markis coud ~ I’m told as there ain’t no other kind or sort of Nobbleum, or of any other descripshun of humane beings, as is intitled to be called a Most Honnerabel One, x a Markis, and so I was ony too glad of my hoppertunity, last Wensday as ever was, to have the honner of waiting at the honnerd Manshun House upon the Most Honnerabel the Markis of Durrerine. I don’t think as Durrerine is Fwy xacly the werry name as I shood have selected, if as how Her Most Grayshus Majesty had asked me for to be a Most Honnerabel Markis, but as that isn’t wery likely to ocour, I needn't trubbel myself about it jest now, and as I am told as how » the = = —4 - o ~y p= when he was over in Ingy, why praps a er ma ve a diffrent meaning over there to what it has over here, speshally among us Waiters. I wunders what line of bizziness as the new Markis will go into? Brown tells me as the Rite Honerabel the Erl of Surewsnury has gone into the Cab line, but I carnt allus beleeve Browy. Besides, after all, what’s a mere Rite Honnerabel, as cumpared with a Most Honnerabel? If I mite wenture humbly to surgest, I shood think as a Itallyan Warehouse woodn’t be a bad idear, as his Lordship woud find his thoro nolledge of Ingian Pickles, and Piccadilly Sauce, and all kinds of Currys, woud be of the werry greatest use to him in that rayther genteel perfession. $ ‘ I may as well menshun it, as he might be a wundering why it didn’t come, that I haven’t sent my most Honnerabel Cole Merchant another order just yet, as I hear that he’s away at his Carsel at Dublin, so pelt in course give his own pussonal atention to it, as he ewidently did afore, as he told me as he employed no agents. — hopes and trusts as his pore Carman didn’t git into trubbel for his bad spellin, but reelly “‘ Pade,” for a receet, was a litle too bad from a Most Honnerabel Markis’s hofishal. I’ve bin told by a Irish M.P., so in course it must be trew, that when his Most Honnerabel Lordship is jest a leetle trubbled with affairs of State, such as marching at the head of his Troops a collect- ing of the Landlords’ rents for ’em, that he goes off, after it’s all over, to a place called Punch’s Town, of all names in the world, and then has quite a jolly day’s racing ; and, if he has a run of bad luck he just A a few thousand Tuns of his best Wall Send Coles, and that puts him all strait again. I allus understood as the reel Mr. Punch was ennormusly rich, but I never thort as he had a hole town all to hisself. I begins to find as I’m rayther a wandering away from my horiginal hintenshun, which it was to discribe Wednesday’s perceed- ings; but there wasn’t much of a werry uncommon natur to discribe, so I dessay I shall be xcused. ’ The new Markis is a nice quiect-looking Gent, a good deal like Brown, who amost blusht wen I told him so, and s s bewtifool. amost as well indeed as the Lonp Mane hisself. He told us a good deal about Ingy that ewen I had newer heard on afore; but he was rayther a long time about it, which is allers a great mistake, ewen 10 a Most Honnerabel Markis, as the other speakers, as is to be, naterally don’t like to be kep waiting, and to see quite a rush out when the great man has quite finish The CHancesetter of the XcHEQUER, hally, looked quite savage at having to speak to 4 arf emty All T heard sum grate Swell say as the Markis had hadded

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| June 15, 1889.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ie. = uy i Sr ha: => / THE PAUL PRY OF THE LONDON COUNTY COUNCIL. Mr. Rosebery. ‘‘ Now THEN, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS! Wer DON'T WANT ANY PAUL Prys rn THE CovnciL!” a bit to the Ingian Empire amost as big as all England! But peeple had hacshally beaten the Record! Strange to say, sum of the most will xadgerate so! His manly buzzom was amost covered with stars ene of the many werry magnificient dressed of the Injean and garters which he had gained, I spose, on many a field of slorter. Officers was quite at a loss when they cum to the Loving Cup sherry- We was told as he had seen service in four of the Quarters of the monial. But that’s a little mi as it takes sum time to learn. World, which ewen a pore Waiter must be aware must needs be Ah, if they cood jest see Brown Me go thro’ it with what’s left about all of ’em, unless, indeed, the World’s like a orange, and has in the Cups, they wood see what dignerty and gr and horty quite a lot of quarters, which isn’t not werry likely I shood think. | demeaner belongs to it when propperly done. I thinks, upon the Taking it all together it was about the most splendidest looking | hole, that ‘‘ Our Only General’ gk Sr sherrymony about as Bankwet as ewen we Waiters had ewer seen at the Manshun House, well as any one I knows, and I feels quite sure as he’ll thoroly and we all agreed with the werry heminent Reporter as said as it apresheate my truthful complement. Roperr.

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_ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Jone 15, 1889, PLEASURES OF THE WHITSUNTIDE VACATION. (Fancy Portraits of Two Q.C.'s, and an Amicus Curia—a Recollection of a Sitting on a ** Celebrated Case,” OUR BOOKING-OFFICE, The Pocket Atlas and Guide to Parisis a useful little work for the Tourist, appro- priately published by Watker & Co.; but I doubt whether the Paris - Diamant, one of the collec- tion des Guides- Joanne, has ever been beaten. It was published years ago at ACHETTE’s, and ” for maps and in- formation generally (I suppose it has been brought up to the time of day) it was, and now ought to be, the best of all Guides— quite a maximum tm minimo. Dickens's Dickenshionaries of London for 1889 are now out. Very useful to Country Cousins and to ‘‘ Water Babies,” which re- minds me that Messrs. Macmriian have just re-issued Cuartes Kuxostey’s charming work, with “‘ our Mr. Sampournne’s” charm- ing illustrations. y faithful Co. says:-—‘‘ The Fatal Phryne is a not very pleasant novel by a couple of authors — Messrs. Witis and Puttres—who hitherto working on their own separate accounts, have now combined forces to work together. Such a number of stories are published nowadays that it is difficult to remember details; but, so far as I recol- lect, As in a Looking-giass was written by one of these gentlemen, and a reference to the title-page has confirmed my impression—it there appears under his name. Mr. Parirps seems to write in collaboration with another with as much facility as he exhibited when trusting entirely to his own resources. The plot is rather suggestive of that now half-forgotten cause célébre once known as “The Pimlico Mystery.’ Again, irers of the works of Mr. WiLkre CoLLINs may pos- sibly, on reading the new novel, faintly call to mind an incident in Poor Miss Finch. Briefly, a husband much the senior of his wife does not discourage the idea in his own mind that some day an artistic friend of his may become his successor—the date, of course, to be no earlier than his wife becoming a widow. The artist friend unfortunatel falls in love with the wife prematurely, an the husband (a doctor), growing jealous, uses his medical knowledge to spoil his ponate. On - (at gw gX a. ) in spite of appearances, that his wife has been really true to him, the Doctor is so overcome with emotion that he dies, leaving his widow to many, if she pleases, what re- mains of the man he has hitherto believed to be his favoured rival. The Fatal Phryne,” concludes my faithful Co., *‘ has one great merit—it isin two volumes, and not in three.” Our Celebrities this month is full of excel- lencies. M. Watery gives us the portraits of three Ambassadors—the French, Ger- man, and the Russian. Excellent Excellen- cies. M. Wapprveron looks bull y English ; Count HatzreLpt,—bare an d- headed, he might have had on one of his “‘ felt hatz,” from which, of course, he derives his title,—is uncommonly like a Heathen Chinee with Christianised mo e; and M. pE Sraat bears a handsome and polished re- semblance to the late Professor Darwiy. All life-like; and, indeed, M. Waxxry’s photo- graphic portraits, outside this particular Café des ye a strike me as om to the best, and superior to most, have met with. The other day I saw one of his reproduced in colour. The effect was that of a highly-finished miniature, and I am informed that the tints will stand the ray of time as well as a modern portrait in oils. By the way—Happy Thought—why should a severe-looking person go to an artist in oils—say, Sir Jomw Murtxats or Pro- fessor Herxomer—for his portrait ? Because the use of oil is “‘to make him of a cheerful yy Revenons a \notre revue de la -Walery—not ‘‘ greenery - yallery —and finish by saying of the dceeriptive letterpress that Louis Enort, the Musical Monographist, is, as usual, the accompanyist of these celebrities, and gives us full and clear notes in his own peculiar allegro —. If I rightly remember, this is the number without a lady in it. Cherchez la Semme in vain. Yet it isn’t often that she is nowhere among diplomatists. Foe after these three Excellencies, male, the Walery- Gallery will give us three Perfections, female; or, three Duchesses as the Three Graces, The Recording Eycet must certainly dis- cover some trio to equal the three Ex i which have so delighted the heart of Tue Baron pe Boox-Worms. THE LITERARY LADIES’ DINNER. {A Dinner, at which ey Ladies only were nt, was recently given at Messrs. SPreRs AnD onp’s Criterion Restaurant. ] Tuey, greatly daring, met to dine, These ies, writing thrilling fiction ; And o’er the olives and the wine _ Were doubtless ‘‘ Ouidalisques” in diction. Some twenty Ladies went one Fri- night, and much enjoyed their dirner ; A smart symposium at the ‘‘ Cri,” “A young Greek dess,” too, Escaped fro high ‘Onegin eee “ Robert, toi que j'aime!” Another, with Junonian air, A delicate dark-featured beauty. A poetess, in gold brocade, ho murmured triolets and sonnets ; And many spinsters, every maid Was quite above the thought of bonnets, They talked of pictures and of books, And subjects ar; ent inviting ; They interchanged the sweetest looks, And each one puffed the other’s writing. And silver laughter filled the room, At jokes, the subjects are not stated ; But publishers were left to doom, And Paternoster Row was “‘ slated.” At last, O tell it not in Gath! A lady, hailed as benefactress, Did not disdain Nicotian path Of dalliance with the weed: an actress uced a case of cigarettes, ‘ And then, O theme for scurrile joking! These attitudinising pets : Of railway bookstalls, took to smoking. Uprose then Mrs. Mowa Carp, With soul superior to rs, And in sarcastic speech she To give as toast, ‘‘ The Married Martyrs.” Perchance some spinsters there who heard, Would think they ’d often wondered why Did not propose : how absurd {men It was, a wife should scoff at Hymen. Ah! Literary Ladies, you, Who are not prudish or pedantic, M Shout each pustoonemie cat ut eac ic antic, Think on the Laureate’s lines, and sean His ** Queen of Farce,”’ so sagely silly ; Woman ’s ‘‘ not undevelopt man,’ Although she dines in Piccadilly. CH NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will im no case be returned, not even wheu accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. there will be no exception. To this rule a £2

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Juns 15, 1889. Tax HEALTHIEST CLOTHING ~~ mar» Aw ~ ee NEAVE'S FOOD 335: BEST AND CHEAPEST. y ALL THE YEAR ROUND. ’ A Dall Rath of PU Biers TIDMAN’S DeaEsenne }*¥ Se [erin SEA fortifies the digest ve Soest gine ngen SALT. G} TiMEtriesal THINGS COCKS’ READING Mas stood the test of time. tenary Tor 100 Years it has been the BEST FISH GAvCE. The Genuine is Proteeted by Trade , } a Mark, viz.. Owamtes Cocns’ Signa- a | P. 2 NOpIGed ee ae PERINET FILS. | Bes oe J. EXSHAW & 60.’ DA CCA |" sixeer on paanne. CHAMPION 7. W. Srarceron & Co., 28, Regent Street, W ICE MACHINE.) CALICOES LEA & PERRINS’ SAUCE. os wo ee 6800 Cam be obtained from Ironmongers, &c., or from oii epic Trea i ay] LEA & PERRINS’ SAUCE. b iygienic, Boonomjeal, & Comfortable. | PULSOMETER ENG. CO., , Purchasers should see A full selection of all : ellular Garments an view that the Labe} on st OLIVER BROS, 417, Oxford St, W,, «ni | 6! & 63, QUEEN VICTORIA STREET, E.C. ; every bottle of the A G. LAWBON & 6 8, 58, Edgware Rd’, ¥. Asx ron List, Numeea F7. r original ve will «end a sampie Garment post free on Worcestershire Ba uce eipt of remittance.. The article will be “FOR THB BLOOD 18 THE LIFE ” he bears the signature pa hanged. of money returned, if not ;>P pee “co. "Lo. Th, Aldermanbury, EG 5 8 | eee , Leathers WG Pn ; vl a ¢ TORPID LIVER CLARKE g— . iw petenale ' P. oprietots , ‘ ~~ t “a Backes ii Le vd CARTERS) e™ ORLD-FAMED | cao pennine CARTERS) cc BLOOD ¥ sn NS [EA & PERRING’ he fect remedy Ketatl everywhere ness, Nausea, Bc oe Vi XT lJ R F pats | EA & PERRINS’ SAUCE. _ a Foe | — HOT MINERAL SPRINGS OF BATH. Be pPipeetettoctentes the blood from a!! in dearte : Daily yield 607, an & temperature of from wusteves cause arising. Por Strofula 1il* te eS ise. Eezema, Skin and Blood Diseases, and sores ae ‘ai of * Baths founded at Bath by the Komans ip the First Pill of the United States. In _ Kinds, its effects are marvellous, Itis the only real , Century. The waters are weil known +6 being most Sold by ali Chemists, or sent by post. petite fe Gout and wy oem for it re valuable in cases o: Rheumstiom, Gout, Skin moves caten from the blo and bones. In Affections. The Corporation of Heth have recent! SMALL PILE. SMALL DOSE. sat, PRICE. bottles, 2s. 9d. and Ils, efich, of all Chemists. Pro- enia'ged and perfected the Baths at creat expen ~ { Inustrated Pam phiet free. prietors, Linroin Mu d Counties Drag Co., * nm the words of one of the ereatest Hygient British Depot, 4, Holborn Viaduct, London, F.C Lincoln. Bewase or osTutess lmirations Physicians, Tae Barus .28 THE MOST COMPLETE I* es - Forore. Hand Datiy in the Pump-Room. Letters to the Manager “ receive attention and every edrunas jon. DELIGHTFUL TO USE. = PREVENTS DECAY OF THE THETH Purifies the Breath. Leaves the mouth in a state of delicious and durable freshness Geld Betsis— Pants, BIUSCELS, , LONDON, be. Gtronde . Sonedistins” fai Berzsa Dewrrraice, 2., , and &; Toors BEDFORD Pownrn, ls. 6¢., 2s, and a. 64.; Tovta Parre, Is. 6d. and%. From al Perfumers or Chemists ; : Whovesaie only: 61, Frith Street, London, W SHEAF BINDERS vo feqaired. & oa pled with « me attached } ‘ e WHS J = — cork, tves a brill 2 : i lish equal Si geeent eathle, Hoots, , and Leather Pere all wrathers _ DINNEFORD'S MAGNESIA me remains D> fumers “ ave > + For ACIDITY of rae STOMACH, MBARTHU uN, cane ‘ HEADACHE, GOUT, and INDIGESTION Cagesen { 2 166, BOND STREET, and all Chemists. SMOKE AYrEs NAVY CUT, beautifully Cool Oeseina : ; ™ ' and Swert Smok ‘".. Ask at ali Tobacco sellers, | { Stores &e., and @ mo other than ‘ Safe cor! Soikonetin Ge Fackets- rer; ens | ores | A | lor sSar ice Ef C0 AL Beneo cc!" Do iS_DI me cis hog be i Maa sacle “gone snown, ste. F; “EE per ) ee r orwicks = TAR Wi Slee 7201/19 =! SOAP JOSEPH GILLOTT’S STEEL PENS} | 27/1742»

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LUNCH, are ry ’ “x stripes; Whit Navy” Duck and Drils; “G : wn t mynd, &c., &c. LIEBIG COMPANY'S Saw OR THE SAMUEL BROTHERS, 8U SHER and SEASIDE OUTFITS. —Merers. Sauce. Reorn ces } ei some very effective styles of Dress, suitable ‘ f MM ER n aF ASIDE wear The Marine Costumes are mate a wrest varie f m t-rials, and very pleasing combinations can e effects t s Tar,” “Gaelic Tar,” “ Jack Tai,” &-. , by mak the Se t © Biouse of one material, with Skirt, Kilr, fa The materials most used, and in great favo am Berges FT aL nels and Serges in piain white, or ” striped COMPLETE OUIFPITTING CATALOGUE 4 PATTERNS FREER. SCHOOL OUTFITS.—Mesers. Saucer Beormers respectfully nepection of their Show-Rooms by Parents and Guardians are sirous of Outfitting their Juvenile charges for any of the © oF als lleges, Schools, &c. The requirements of Youths a Boys have f very many youre received the closest attention of Mesers. Samcet Brormens, with the result that this important depart , ft business has attained very large dimensions, so that every want in Suits, Overcoats, Hosiery, Boots, &c., is fully met, and ira ialities ensured MERCHANT TAILORS AND JUVENILE OUTFITTERS, 65 & 67, LUDGATE HILL, LONDON, E.C. LOR DE SAV A CLARNICO JELLY. OL aed Swerr LONDON CHARIVARI.—Joune 15, 1889. “ Grac's Tas.” “ Rovat.” “Jace Tan.” “Ganuc Tan.” Sine) Professor Henwea, Hon. Sec. of the BS clety of CT of on on waite y ctdee Saveur & elicate = Anslytical Ceemists, rays :— ‘ Clarnico Jellies are EXTRA ifs. per Box of 100, Post Free. oy oe {pe feetly ‘puceane wholesome ingredients.’ “BEWLA Y de. (SS ceneEpe The fia vours are obtained fiom fruits, and are not | AY & CO artificial me The colours are ahso!utely harm!es 49, Strand, and 143, Cheapside. By dissolving, perfectiy¢ ear and excellent Jellies (Agents for Great britain) are obtained without troub'e or skill. Will keep in any climate for an indefinite time. THE OLDEST AND BEST. hesitation in recommending it OF ALL GROCERS AND STORES, Signature BENZINE COLLAS,—Ask for “ Collas.” | 10 Quart, Punt, Half- Pint, and Penny Sample CLEAN® GLOVER —CLEANS DRESSER + in Blue on each CLEANS GLOVES. —CLEANS DRESS'S ts Max Label. CLEANS GLOVES.—CLEANS DRESSES CLARKE, NICKOLLS, a ‘comes, LTD., BENZINE COLLAS.—Buy an | ollas.” LON DO Rew) Es TAK, OIL,—PAINT, GREASE, ADAMS'S | __ Fans’ valiti gs cama ae SANITARY SURVEYS. COLLAS.—Try “ Collas.” F U R N ITU R S BENZINE word CULLAS =" acest Cap. | Examination of Drains and Fit- POLISH. Pat I tings, Report and Specification, “Tee Queee” the Lady's Newepager) * tele ue | Ask for “ Collas ” = ee | THE SANITARY ENGINEERING CO., buid by Grocers, Lronmongers. Ollmen, &c. everywhere. 6d_,le.,and le. 6d. per Bottle | Manufactory—8H EFFIELD a. J. Sawoun & Sons, 40, Oxford Street, W. | 65, VICTORIA STEEZT, WESTMINSTES, 5.W. for London House, Two Guineas. mais HOUSE ey -% and DERINGER, pocket ; Wality| only. Court's Devotees asp enol aitanes teal the Colonies. Tice List COLT’S FIREARMS 5 Col4-Pal Mall, London SW, PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. deietes by Widow tte tC omite of ho 3.1. rome head, Hul.owe m sd -eule. te. Whit dere, ip the City of ip the Pa:b-h of 8. Mary, Inienet om, m the Cou +'y diers at Prin we Ottees » 0m, Gud Pucdebed op bum at Do. ob, fieet Dlseel, & ue deste v. DE othe, City ol Lwmeve ces near, dupe 16, be ( sere. Bradbury. Aen -w. « Co, Lombard U0