Punch 1889-06-01: Vol 96 Iss 2499

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E « fe) a fe) a Ps i) J a ~) - “ The diction moves in a sort of endless THE THAMES, with ss Illustratic Royal 8vo, price 125, 6d. ripple, now telling of water-reeds, and paul and. binds; now lingering OUR RIVER. By G. D. LESLIE, R. A. pleasantly over some of the traditions and old-world lore of which the Thames fur- | The Illustrations by the AuTHor, H. S. Marxs, R.A., Barrow Riviersg, R.A., and the niches such a goodly quantity.”—orapwoc.| ate Frep. WALKER, A.R.A. rh 16 full- “Page eum be ine eemenan. 4 mA cr SCHWEPPE TABLE WATERS Pame EXHIBITION: Sales during 1888, (2.404.820 Bottles.

“SONS3d S3SYHL 390INd

Registered st the General Post Office as a Newspaper.)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jounz 1, 1889. Prefesety [livetrated price 64 by post, Od THE ENCLISH ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE Por JUNE contains »— 1. Well Employed Att Mra Alma ~-Todeme W Clark Revell 3 On y A Paterson. 6 The Story of the Savoy Ry 7 RB Leekiog 6 The History of Billiards by 1 * 7. Sent Dario. By F. M. Crew- fora 6 Gong: te the Winds. By 6. A. Alomander. 6 Bt Cetera. By M.D Trait MA‘ MILLAN 0 arte s LONDON , MACMILLAN 8 MAGAZINE for JUNK, price ls., contains »— Marcened; by W. C. Russell George Crabbe; by G “etn tebury John Bright and Quakerism . by on Pu - Quaker. Lord Dufferin's Administration tm India A G. redler i 5 Xy 4 6 Uy 7 s ® Gir Walter Scott (A Leoture at Eton); Morris by M. MACMILAAN & ©O., LONDON Now ready Giupence), New Series, No 72, tT CORNHILL MAGAZINE for JUNE, containing “ The County,” Chaps ‘& Loafing Trip to Lisbon”—" A Fool's tenn Martens, Polecats Weasels and Stoats” ” Discarded ’ Suit” ‘In « Gieft Stick,” * Things Not Generally Known.” Leneo = Serre, Ecose, & Oo., 6, Waterloo Place FLOR DE JAVA MILD INDIAN CIGARS “- ay wine ch ch ter —— and yy — ana (Coot amp Sweer Buon tee) bempies, ry re osama BEWLAY & CO., 49, Strand, and 143, Cheapside. _(Agente for Great Britain THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY ESTABLISHED 1825. Accumulated Fund, 62 Millions Stg, FOR PROTECTION LINIJWLSIANI P EDINBURGH, 8 George 8t. (Head Office) LONDON, 63 King William Street, E.C. 8 Pal) Mal) East, 6.W. DUBLIN, 66 Upper Sackville Street. Branches & Agencies in India & the Colonies ASSURANCE COMPAN) Heao OFFicEs LONDON & ABERDE First produced and designated CORN FLOUR by BROWN & POLSON BROWN & POLSON’S CORN FLOUR Was in the field sometime before any other was anywhere heard of, and no other has now an equal claim to the public confidence. 2, 4/4, 6/6 & 23). per Bowie tyyh Mew Bort tr Lecten MAPPIN & WEBB’S | ELECTRO PLATE #treet, London quewepe. 49a “eo kaitor, @, Lamb's Conduit JOHN BRINSMEAD & SONS’ Prices bom 69 Ouineee ppwerts., dene Basen | Jou» Baiwewrad | & Sone, Pisnoforte Maxers b Bae of, Unie, i, EA & PERRINS’ SAUCE. | paw sles, 1888. Viste free COLLAS,—Ask for “ Collas.” ENZINE COLLAS. GLOVES —CLEANS DRESSES. EA & PERRINS’ SAUCE. Purchasers should see that the Label on every bottle of the original Worcestershire Sauce bears the signature CLEANS GLOVES —CLEANS DRESSFS. CLEANS GLOVES.—CLEANS DRESSES. GOLLAS,—Buy “ Collas.” to Her Koyal Highness the 18, 2, and 23, Wigmore . BENZ 2! 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Up Mnitations of this Stud—ciumsy—in es red t os shaped to deceive, sold as the “ One DR. PACET, Say Dust. Artificia ema Beer — Postes imitadons of the Netural Teeth Artistic, painless. and perfect Most moderate fees Comsu! tations tree | dally. lilustrated Pamphiet pos: free Seven Prise Medals awarded. Assorted x, Gd., oF post free for7 stamps from C. Brandauer & Co.’s Pen Works, Birmingham. articles, which lnate a — ‘a "ail weathers. Mud can be washed off.and polish remains Soip et VICHY} GRANDE-GRILLE, CELESTINS, "Sutccnesten, Distotes,“ac HOPITAL, For Stomach Complaints. HAUTERIVE, ss excetiont tance Waren | INGRAM & ROTLE, 62, Farringdon Street, £.C., AND OF ALL CHEMISTS. For Diseases of Liver, Billary Organs, &c. 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CITY, LONDoy GENEVA.—Handsome Furnis FAMILY RESIDENCE ‘*umer and W near Geneva (ciose to Kothechild’s estata Rooms, extensive Grounds. 4 feet water f on the Lake. magnificent view on Mont Bla Savoy Alps. Gardener's } ouse. 6 Rooms: Stable and Coach-house. FOR SALE, £11 Apply to Mr. Dumotz, 10, Corraterie, Gener WHEN TO BUY CIGARS CONSULT AT ONCE BENSON & C1 61, ST. PAUL’S CHURCHYzD BOROUS WHISTLE (7B) 4 PRotecti D ns AGAINST BURGLARS IT HAS A MOST im PENETRATING TON | FIRE ALARM. For Police and Gamekeepers it } no equal. LADIES IN THE | COUNTRY SHOULD | ALWAYS CARRY OSE Price 1s. 64 Post Free, ls. 8 German Silver Chaizs, Lb OSBORNE & 805. BOROUGH wats, BIRMINGHAM LINCRUSTA - WALTON. The Best Wall-Hanging Material. ARTISTIC. IMPERISHABLE. SANITAs! F. WALTON & C0., Ltd., 2, Newmas &., ¥ ALL THE ty pa ROUND. Dally Bet ¢ TIDMAN’S #u:c=" It not only prevents cold, but poy the SEA = skin, braces th a porree, See SALT a, ry wale wee sane Everywhere. Beware of I mitetiont ROWLANDS KALYDOR Cools and e/reshes the F ce during Hot Wat™ es Sunburn, Ten, eles, &e,, ans 7 atifw and delicnte veg lenion. , c Chemist for Rowlend’s Kalydor. bottles,

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| juve 1, 1889.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. 257

——— ON COMMISSION. May 21, 22, 23, and 24.—This may be called the Great O’Brrew | week, a8 the distinguished Irish journalist to whom I have referred has occupied the witness-box for nearly the whole period. And here let me say, that if my language has become a little more flowery than usual, it is due to the necessity, the ante necessity, of having had to listen to the talented editor of United Ireland for a terrible—I had almost said a fatally-terrible number of hours. But there have been others who have shared /. ly) With me the pleasant and yet <9. _ ) distinctly - dead - certainty fatal labour. Thursday, the bright star of Hawarden, that , like the sweet soft secret voice of conscience dhe. vides h the thunder-clouds with an axe JUZIYR in his , an eagle’s glance in his clarion- cea toned eyes, and the noble aspiration for the “The Court then good of the Emerald Isle of the Sea, the land of adjourned. the brave and the free, in his heart of hearts, | was present. Mr. O’Brren has been so eloquent in denouncing the | wrongs of Ireland, that Sir Cuartes Russert and Mr. Locxwoop | have evidently been touched to the quick, and as for Mr. Groncz | Lewis (who has sat beside the eminent Counsel to whom I have ust refe ), it ap me, t it was expe f ferred), § peared to oe te Se rienced | lawyer co o to restrain from a weeping. | But here, as the occasion seems to lend iteel? to treatment ty a | dramatic form, I take the opportunity of subjoining a slight sketch, | which I need scarcely say, 1s as unlike the real thing as it is possible | tobe. And I distinetly declare that no one who has been in Court | will venture to doubt the assertion. ished per- sonages im various quarters—some with opera-g , others with luncheon baskets. Counsel for defence gradually recovering from extreme agitation caused a recent description of the wrongs of Ireland, Messrs. Murpny and ATxKinson busy ; ATTORNEY-GENERAL rises to cross-examine. The Att - General (lifting seat and leaning on back of desk of | Junior Bar). 1 think you have just said it is one o’clock ? | Witness (in a low tone). If you me, I will |my decided and eternally expressed i | material products of a metaphysical | juxtaposition (in a louder tone as he warms to his subject) to | a self-governed country, the result would be unquestionably chaos ! The A.-G. (looking sideways at someone in the jury-boz, absently). I must repeat my question. I think, you have said it is one o’clock ? | Mr. Lockwood (interposing), Really the Witness ought to be weg lain ? ~e 4 oan . , | A.-G, ressing the Court in a distresse dignified tone). think I have put a plain question, and am not in fault. (Mr. Locxk- | woop throws an appealing glance to their Lordships, suggestive of a | desire to say ae much -. ae bs Bao Bs geatmcared ihe | haunting dread of seeing hi too repor' wn t newspapers). I really must ask fora plain answer. (Puckering wu | his face into wrinkles, and looking earnestly at Witness). You sai | it is one o’elock ? Witness (at bay). Well, well, well! I may have saidit! But I must explain the circumstances under which I said it. A.-G. (continuing examination). Was it one o'clock? Witness (excitedly). I ask if this is fair! (Emphatically.) I | have no sort of wish, or kind of wish, or description of wish to con- ceal anything. But when I admit that I said it was one o'clock, I | wish to draw a distinction between one o’clock and 12°45. | d.-G. (looking with half-closed eyes). Do you approve of 12°45? | Witness (rising abruptly from his chair, and speaking with great | excitement), No, a thousand times No! I say—and I do not wish to | detract one iota from the circumstantial necessity of a tyrant- | composed delegation of artistic sensibilities—that it is the right of a | free nation to peruse the persecutions of an alien dynasty, and thus cut itself off from the desperately dan chains of a wretched combination of acrimonious atoms! I do not know if this view of the subject is (with great force) right in law—but' it ay = to me in @ lower tone) to be entirely in accordance with the highest and most noble dictates of (lowering his voice to a whisper) superhuman mestic economy ! A.-G, But you admit that you said it was one o’clock ? Witness (putting his hand to his head). 1 really do not know—it = nove boat A.-G, But I must you upon this matter (holding up his hand to sileice Mr. Munruy, who is venturing upon a cumpelion. you not know, Sir—Yes or No—that it was one o’clock ? Witness (starting to his feet). I say that your question is not fair. W coliecting proofs. ber’ full. Three Commissioners all awake. Disti I say that when the rifle is in the hand of the desperado, the patient fowler listens to the frightfully horrible music of the horn of the hunter with dismay !

A.-G. (pursing his brows). But surely-—— Mr. Lockwood (interrupting). I really must ask that the Witness pone | explain himself in his own fashion. (The Arronwey-GENERAL and Mr. Atkinson consult together, while Witness heaves an audible sigh). I am last person in the world, my Lords, to put myself unduly forward, but—— The President. I think that the question should be answered. (Mr. Loc woop respectfully ides, and devotes several minutes of earnest to the completion of a half-finished caricature. A,-G. (with weary satisfaction at having overcome preliminary difficulties). And now, Sir, will you please say whether you it was one o’clock ? Witness (after a short pause for consideration), Yes, I did. (Ti ing the ATTORNEY-GENERAL, who is about to put another question. ut allow me to say, that you must remember all the terribly ible circumstances of the distinctly desperate case. Let me give an example, (With intense determination.) Yes, I will give an example ! en Jutius Cesar first invaded England, it is said that he asked for some oysters, and Boapicea, who was then in revolt—— A.-G. (plaintwely appealing to the Bench). Surely, my Lords, this is foreign to this issue ? Well, it is a little far afield, but perhaps The President (mildly). I may say—— Accidentally glances at clock, which points to half-past one. His Lordship pauses, and j put cate ti attention of his Breth- ren to the weleome fact. Three Commissioners rise. General movement, and exeunt nearly everyone to lunch. And as this seems a suitable point for breaking off in my Note, I drop my pen, and seek a myself, Pump-handle Court. (Signed) A. Brreriess, Junior.

“WAIT FOR THE WAGGON!” Ox, who would not ride in a nice Caravan ? For a holiday outing this surely’s the plan! There’s a boldness about it, a dash, and a sevelty, Which really should make us the travelling hovel try. Like the snail, you will carry your house where you go, And ged progress may also be snailishly slow ; What matter? For thus you obtain ample leisure To observe either Nature or Man at your pleasure. You need not depend on a landlady’s lodgings, Or diurnally note her financial dodgings ; _ Then you are not confined to a single vicinity, But can choose just the places with which you ’ve affinity. You can see the sun rise—if the rain is not falling— _ And you ’ll know the delights of a Waggon-man’s calling. At night-time, when ti how pleasant ’twill be To un . , and rub down your Gee-gee ! If asleep, you enjoy quite a rollicking feeling i. When the rain has come in through a crack in the ceiling. gh the van-man, if hungry, it certainly riles To hear there’s no shop within twenty-five miles. You can cook for yourself—handle kettle and pan ; Oh, who would not invest in a nice Caravan ?

Wett Tuovenr Ovr.—Mr. Carper in conjunction with Mr. Rutan have recently been giving an entertainment, of which the former has certainly contributed the most amusing and interesting portion. Mr. Caprer undertakes to discover a murder which only exists in the imagination of the would-be murderer. This he accom- plishes very s y. It seems, therefore, almost a pity that this accomplished gentleman is not attached to Scotland Yard, where his services in the Criminal Investigation Department appear to be needed, and might be of considerable value. If he was successful in finding out the of the Whitechapel atrocities, everybody would take off their hats and ‘‘ cap” Cap

—-— — a ee MUSICAL NOTES. The early Worm! ex \ / “ Bird’s Morning Concert.”

VOL, XCVI.

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258 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI (Jose 1, 1889, - — — — —

SANDY TAKES THE FLOOR! A Song of the Scotch Local Government Bill, (Some way after Sir Walter Scott.)

Pisroca of — Dav, Come with the swagger Leave untended the “‘ links ” Sanpy now takes the floor, | | wins of pi Of Arcyce the cocky. For the Commons’ wild welter ; _ Faith, and he fills it. ply yeles anew, The war-pipe will stagger The Speaxer e’en shrinks, ” shall be no more | | on vipers ! The Unionists rocky. As you go it a pelter. he wills it. eiba away! come away ! Work chanter and 2] As the great Mace you near, Out patient your, on out Hark to the summons ' - Like that + — man, P Your yt ot hghitag abn: yd baile in your war-array ACPHAIRSON CLONGLOCKETTY pstive < fing gear, Scots for their turn a Into the Commons ! Ayevs M‘Ciay! “Broads and targes. O’er long have waited. —

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Juxs 1, 1889.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Woe’s them, if they should shirk, | Or shape shams hollow ! Wild work with blade and dirk Pibrochs may follow. Come as Scotch feet come, when Dancing is forward ; Come, as the chiels come, when Golf-streams flow nor’ ward. Faster come, faster come, | Faster and faster ! Show Tory benches dumb, Sanpy’s their master, | Fast they come, fast they come, See how they gather! Twangle-twee! tootle-tum ! 6 House = aegien. ast ycur w your fiades P Scots are a gra un’ set, Pibroch of what’s-its-name. Sound for the onset ! Pheungh! How St. Stephen’s Oe shakes At the pipes’ h ing ! Fresh frae the Land o’ Cakes SANDY 1s coming. Drones and bag do not lag ; | Groaners ana screamers, Go it! High waves the flag, Wide fly the streamers! Here is no stolid Bui, Pig-in-poke taking ; Here’s no 2 Shindy aw > He’ll make Batrovur look blue, Tories he’ll seatter. Pibroch of Dowwet Dav! That’s what’s the matter! Play up, my Riper bold! Sanpy, ye’ll try ’em, When this wild tune you hold, ** De die in diem.” PURELY PERSONAL—AN EVENING OUT; Or, the Latest Development of Good Taste as understood by the ‘‘ Society” Gossip-monger. Mrs. Fizzteton Sxrpprnes’ much-talked-of dance came off with poy ape éclat at her ape j yor in ——— ‘ields yesterday evening, and everything, from the stri carpet unrolled at the front door, to the tri and-onions—a ect dream, served at the sideboard at supper with the champagne, Jonson & Co.’s Cuvée Reservée Grand Vin, 1889, 23s. the dozen—was as perfect as the most exacting guests of the ever- ident and economically- minded hostess who furnished the en’ inment could ibly have desired. In an alcove on the half-landing a delightf ic effect had been attempted, with the aid of three pots of mignonette and a dimly wpe by = lamp; but it was not till the drawing- room was reached, and the ear caught the strains of the ——n dance-music furnished by the harp and whose services been secured for the entire eveni te pS , from the public-house round the corner, that the pri r= 4 though — y character of the whole entertainment could apprecia As might have been expected, none but the very smartest people were present, Among the earliest arrivais was Lady SHUFFLRsRY, = attired in a ditch-coloured peignoir, supported by her husband, who had on’a hired dress suit, and wore a magnificent button-hole of second-hand Orchids, and her five elderly but sprightly daughters, who, in their em -green directowre frocks, trimmed with ruches of sacking of charbonne de terre au naturel, created quite a sensation, and were much stared at. Mrs. Macwoozig, in a redingoie of rich orange brocade, cut square and looped in front with asperges en branche, with a single — onion on the shoulder, who brought a plain little niece with her in pebper and salt, also created much astonishment. Lady Porprns ooked magnificent in a brand new wig, and was severely mobbed. Commerce was adequately represented by Mrs. OmuLLIcAN Stickers, the wife of the well-known Millionnaire Pork King, who simply blazed with imitation ae her tiara, necklace, . and stomacher so glistening with inferior Birmingham paste, that she was followed by an eager crowd, and had eventually to be roped off in a corner of the back drawing-room by the host himself, amidst the ill-supp sneers the inquisitive on-lookers. Count Rooster, the noted Dutch savant, who came in a faded second-hand Windsor uniform, created much diversion by its evident misfit, and was fairly halloaed round the room, while the Countess, in a plum- coloured Pompadour, relieved with a ruching of mashed tomatoes chiffonné, with large bunches of variegated double hollyhock over a boudllonr * skirt of rich amber bed-curtain, was admitted on all hands to be one uf the sensations of the evening. The Cotillon was perhaps the a» wn feature of the entertainment. The ts, which consisted of cocked hats for the gentlemen, and fans for the ladies, made of back numbers of various pers, created at first some little disappointment ; but great verve and go were = y= | thrown into the proceedings owing to the qooetqpeess who come to wait, but had helped himself somewhat plentifully to the champagne on the sly, forcing his way into the drawing-room, and, seizing upon Lady Porrrys, insisting on joining in the final galop with her. Some little confu- sion was caused in the departure, owing to the gas having been suddenly cut off at the main by the Company for arrears ; but, with the assistance of a few local policemen, the guests were eventually got ssfely out of the i and the general verdict seemed to be that Mrs. FizzLeron Sxrpriwes had provided her numerous friends with a unique and remarkable entertainment. a a —., 22 oe ) —— REACTION. Indignant Citizen (who had expected great things of the London County Council after the extinction of the Metropolitan Board of Works and the abolition of the Wine and Coal Dues,—receives an application for Rates, amounting to 2s, 84d. in the pound), ‘‘D——-! D——!! D——11!” TO THE NEW AMERICAN MINISTER. “ This is not my first visit to England, so I know my way about some,”— Mr, Robert G. Lincoin. LoweEtt and Preps were two splendid men Whom Mr. Punch honoured with pencil and pen: To part with them was not too pleasant to think on, But here’s a new link with Cotumsra in Lincoxy ! Welcome! Were’t but for the sake of your{father. Know = way round about England, Sir? Rather! And where you do not, trust friend Punch to instruct you ; He goes everywhere, and will gladly conduct you. Your health in a bumper from Punch and the nation, And long may you stay at the U. 8. Legation ! Porrs ny THE Trape Wuxps.—Where is the ‘‘ Pzans’ Soap Beauty ” Show, for which Mr. Howarp Pavt was so busily collect- ing specimens some months ago? Is it that “there be none of Beauty’s daughters” who will come forward? A propos of Prans, this is an age of Centenaries. Is Rro«met’s old enough to celebrate his scentenary ? Also Presse with Honour? Solatium. Mr. Borromiey Friern stirs Conservative mirth By taking a snug and well-paid little berth ; But he knows that his critics will tire of the jeer Before he will tire of Two Thousand a Year. Though they do try to prove—what a sad waste of breath— That in this instance berth means (political) death. En, Mr. Goscnen ?—A fruitful and—as yet—un source of revenue might be found in putting a stiff tariff on Ask ex-Lord Mayor J. T. Suttivay, the Irish Tyrteeus.

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| and appear to be eked out with ballet and spectacle. | the Savoy, of which the only raison d’étre ought to be its origi | run.

260 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Jone 1, 1889, |

1}

PIECES WITH HONOURS. Wat Doris will be after it has run a few hundred nights it would be rash to predict, but probably a tremendous, overpowering ” success. It goes un- commonly well at srusent, teaniite 69 @he singers, especially Messrs. Bew Davies and Harpen Corrry, whose - larity is invaluable to the The women are not , except . Miss Arice BaRwert, mY the Kiffel Tower lady, y. with very little to do, but that little is capi- tally done. The First PAR. Act is yy 4 ont 4 j the plot so far bei f@ interesting, and the situations dramatic, or humorous, as the case may be. Mr. ARTHUR Wittiams, too, i

Barnett Fayre; or, Une Vraie Madame Eiffel +“ taking Master Ben Davies and Miss Annie Albu eieding’s charming out for walk. song, admirably sung by Mr. Bew Davres—that the other two Acts have a hard time of ~\ How it ha that so witty a playwright as Mr. Srermewson came to grief in the story and the dialogue, probably only the author himself can explain. r. Atrrep CELLrek’s music here and there is pretty enough, but why enter into competition with Sir ArTruur SvuLLIvay introducing a Chorus in the costume of The Yeomen of the Guard at ty, but which really is a copy, conscious or unconscious, of the com- poser’s own Wooden- egged Pensioners’ Chorus in the Sultan of Mocha, which was invented, as far as I recollect, to show that the Old Men’s Chorus in Faust, and the Conspirators’ Chorus in Madame Angot were not to have it all their own way. The Beefeaters’ Chorus goes for nothing, and deservedly so. I that all sorts of permutations, combinations and alterations have been made since I saw it, and are even now in process of rehearsal. If Mr. Haypewn Corrms and Mr. Ben Davres had each another good popular song I have little doubt but that the run of Doris would rival that of Dorothy. The mése-en-scene reflects the test credit on the Stage Manager, Mr. Cuantes Harris, the Scene-painters, Craven, TELBIN and Kyaw, the Costumiers, and the artful Designer, M. Lucren Bescue. What a first-rate Comic Opera might be constructed out of Pau! Jones and Doris amalgamated, with Miss Hunrivepon and the Ladies of the Prince of Wales’s, and retaining the services of Messrs. Bew Davies and Haypgen Corrmy. Anrtruur WILLIAMS should be retained on the premises, and be bound over to keep the piece in the bills by being originally droll without imitating the other AnTaur whose surname is Roperts. Among the public, the ladies admire Miss Hunrrwepow at the Prince of Wales’s, and CeLirer’s music at the Lyric. After all, there is money in Wealth at the Haymarket. The rule nowadays seems to be that a first-night failure indicates a long If this is due to alterations made in consequence of judicious criticism, then criticism fulfils a most useful function. So Mr. Bancrort, the Manager in retreat, is going to reap in the striking part of the Abbé in the Dead Heart, whenever Mr. IRVING revives | this old play at the Lyceum, Abbé thought! | tropieal weather to give extra | paradoxieally are Mr. Wrnpuam should seize the opportunity offered by this sudden pu licity to Still Waters, which He t advertise ‘ theatre for a thirsty soul, as there * still progr of e wed.” The Criterion is quite t | is plenty of excellent Beere throughout the piece. Lots of other pisces have been recently brought out. But none of them with sonours, except perhaps Angelina. The London Theatres ought to do well, as there is no big Exhibition to distract the public.

Insurance aND Irowy.—From evidence given to the House of Commons Committee on the working of the Friendly Society’s Act, it appears that all the Coroners in England concur in condemning the system of Infant Life Insurance. Significant unanimity ! Wouldn't the insurance of children’s lives be denominated death insurance ? y that’s 6d. in the still waters eall

in most cases more properly | ROBERT ON RATES. WELL, | does my werry best to hunderstand the whole matter, wain, it’s all in there’s one pint as I does hunderstand, and that i that, pene be yess ant amet meat by seats ey ate seems for to i ing at sitch a rate as y justifys their ra iar name. I’m told as how as a deal of it is hoi of government from the o! Cole and Wine and their perfecly ing Rate of 2 and 8 ce farthings in their pound. Well, now, I’ve a Slate, till it’s bin « caleiating %¢ ont on wo aA denen call Tt teks on amost covered with c my Dues on Wine, witch I’m told it was ony a farthing a gallon, didn’t cost me a single penny, and my Dues on Coles, which it was thi pence a Tun, cost me xactly 2 and tuppence a-year, while my hin- creased Rates is just about ten shillings, so I at wunce, and without no hezzitation, - wote for going back to at hold — < an my farthing a gallon on wiass @ mA not on the wine as I drink, not by no means, for that wood be quite another pair of Shoes. . And then jist see what hairs the new Colleckters_gives thereselves. i last week and 1 was hout, so in course I ecodn’t y him, so he calls again to-day, and leayes word as he shan’t not no more! Werry kind I think it of him, till I learns as he’li have me up before the Magistrate if I don’t dreckly! And the lordly t is on at home twice a week, and then ony for e few ours, ; What a blooming lot of Rates is tobe sure! F there’s the Poor Rate, not so poor neither, as it cums to 84d. in the pound for harfa year. Nex there’s the County Counsel ate, and pound ; then cums the Police Rate, and that’s 244. ; and then cums the Rate jist for lighting the Public Lamps, and s penny in the pound seems a deal jfor that matter ; then cums a rate for the’ old of Works, and that’s 3d. Then mang. goes 44d. for looking after the Streets, and another 44d. for the | Bored, and then a penny for repairing the Sewers, and another penny for the xpences of the Westry, includin, I suppose, a nice little Weetry Dimn

er now and then, and for that I most suttenly ns oom ’em ; pee bit of it, speshally if they acts liberally to the Waiter, poor Feller! ; ‘ J I wonders what the good of Rates is. One ginerally xpecs in 4 free country to git sumthink for whatever money one has to ae what do I git here? It’s werry diffrent in the case of Taxes. Wen I pays a Nincum Tax I pays it willingly, coz I gets a nincum for it. Skocene with the Ouse Tax—I has a ouse for it ; and the same with the Propperty Tax—it gives me a nice little y; sol don't mind paying ’em. But what do I git for my Kates? Litorally nothink ; and so I naterally pays ’em with a grumbel. As to the owdacious County Counsel, as meets in a place as doesn’t belong to ’em, and is in sitch a wunderful hurry to make new Rates that they won’t even stop till we’ve had time for to Rey the old ones, so that we're acshally asked to pay the two lots at the same time altogether at once, why, if they ’dony kindly wait till we ’ve all had the hopper- toonity of telling ’em what we thinks of their wunderful hurry, they might lern —— tes as they woodn’t like, so praps that’s the reason why they won’t. It’s the fault of having werry rich men to make the Rates. What does a man with twenty or thirty thousand a year, or ewen with ony two thowsand a year, care about Rates ? hy, nothink. He doesn’t know, and praps doesn’t care, what the amount is, little knows how a poor Waiter is sumtimes trubbled to raise the money, speshally wen he’s had a bad week or two, a waiting on & y shabby lot of stingy diners-out. We gets rayther more usual of this kind of gent during the May Meetings, as they ’re called, for, strange to say, however singler it may seem, wot peeple s wice is werry much more libberal than wot peeple calls wirtue. This is a suckemstance as is werry trying to us Waiters, as it reelly makes us, wen pertickler stumped up, and has our Rates to pay, greatly prefer the cumpany of such jolly gents as frequents a mond or Grinnidge with their fare ers, to those werry m sollemer and seriouser gents as has bin a spending the afternoon at Hexeter All. f ; Upon the whole I finishes by saying, as Rates isa conundrum 43 I don’t quite hunderstand. RosEkt.

“I pow’r profess to be much of a theologian,” observed the Drax of Seesneninen, ‘* but when you ask me how the Church of England proves her belief in eternity, I should say by the ce 0 appointing ‘ Perpetual Curates.’”

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Jone 1, 1889.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 261 ——=

BRAVO, POTTER! [Bishop Ports, of New Terk, in Bs Gutenet Semmes comme’ “the infinite swagger of American speech and manner, which mistook bigness for greatness, and sadly confounded gain and godliness.””] You reckon, Brother Jomammas, te thet ou can lick Creation ; You put on what in this old town ** side ;’ You’re certain in your hfe a aa Ty ot Eee bne ee ne ere You ee eer oe You count "or att your mighty ufone done ie And nothing except poverty is counted as a crime. Bp pe fe a op 5 re The blatant who how! or plac The partisans who howl And try to grab = Then purity of es hel th Stas We never cin heard » Highnesses the Prince and Princess of Waxes present to aust. Miss McIwrrre looks the Mc Margherita, or Scotch-German Macerr, to rfection. She { ives quite a ‘* How- Jung —e ! pe Govnop > atekt object) to te What was Margaret's surname? If she hadn’t one, she couldn’t

Big Mephistopheles and his Little Victims. have changed it to Faust, even if she had been asked, which, except in decorous pov’ Wiits's play, she never was. Macore McInrrre’s rendering of the Jewe "Song, and her un-acting edition of Faust’s victim, just as delightf "as it was last season. The little boy with the long Russian name, Wrrocraporr, was mistaken by those who were not au fait with the Opera for ScaLcut as Stebel, There is a family resemblance when regarded from a back row of the stalls without using an opera- ane. But his name should be in re ed with his stature. Let him either be rvo” or ‘‘Graporr,” but not both together. ‘In Wino Weritas,” so I'll stick to this abbre- viated form, as he is a true singer, nothing false about him, I won't Bing low int yo Oe must be alwa the Death did not make most. But he will come out The Cap «f Mephis- oa =t next time, rand Davaaenazys wi was pe quite -ow as —— jus in takin rno for alent S 8 we . Signor CasTEn (ahort for CASTELMARY, ‘another Lime-light Walk. lo name) as a burly Mephistopheles, would give be me of his time ttention to striki —— for a photograph, his Saeete tisfactory. To my mind he ys the hic is quite different from has in it more of my the | Has given you an extra Hand— The Baronet’ M. Mowrartror, ve sca tip but ee te have bom, pase ardent with such Clever little Madame ty Carmen. She can look, act, and sing Ss good Can tinder tn bene simple Maeere McIntyre an maid, who tries to reclaim Marie Roze has set her face against the presentation-of-extravagant- bouquets system. the enamoured ‘‘ bould .” F, Daw Drarpy Mason, who plays the Toreador, with whic I was content O as usual, has broug’ t his brother up to town for the season, and so Daw Drarpy M1. played José, and did it uncommonly ; Another good io the first week starts admirably. g Committee Thursday.—Traviata, 8 ion id ome. Evra Russeut in great form, almost too great form for the consumptive heroine of the opera, et at times jas me of an amplified Sana Bernwwarpt in er acting. Dan Drarpy Mason excellent as the “stern parient,”’ and Signor TaLazac appeared as his stout substantial son, a —— of Italian version of the im ble Josh Sedley in Vanity Fair flattered by fascinating Etta Beck: Suarpryi1, who at one time seemed to me to be going to give a new turn tothe old story by ‘*mashing” flabby and impressionable Alfredo’s -looking and nny | well-preserved parent. To-night I see Anant is to appear the same night that the announces the opening of e Hoppesition. But Drevriotanvs is first in the Garden. Melting moments for TaLLER-Zac, but he ane sweetly, though not power- fully ; and touching was it to witness Exxa’s deep affection for him. A bie ht for Exia and Day. Saturday.—Another splendid audience. Performance of Aida more than” satisfactory. “‘The Two Dans” (who must not be con- fused with ‘‘ The Two Macs,” also very clever artists, but quite in a different line) oon yn a turn. Madame ScaLcul as as ever in the character of th ptian Queen, but perhaps a trifle too white for a —aayoeneS ‘of Picea i Signor Mrnanpa as ‘‘ J/ Ré,” no doubt to keep his consort in countenance, also more fair. Madame Vatpa rather heavy for Aida, but still most effective. “he mise-en-scéne, of course, sp! —but this was to be ex under the rule of Drvriotanvs. Standards in the triump) cession in the Second Act full of A ome humour, but absolutel histo- rically correct. Egyptians alwa to weird nstance in this very Opera, These Wadinde a ete’ tn. a , and left to his fate, to the music of Sanya ons She dancing a fan-bearers. Before and behin it ie Contes gnetty Deeiant. The week ends as it with every prospect of a successful season. It is admitted on all that Covent Garden has not looked so much like its old self for years.

THE NEW ART BART. Henre’s to Sir Sculptor Bokuu— Or ont of or round, or something I was to write a Poem And having tried the Sacred Those on a, thie subject who lack Nine, ow I find I scarce can writealine! Can simpl roe the Heralds’ The Queen, Sir B., I understand, oat Lege base ae ut any wa Henk, ps s—(tis on the) Does honout ,& weer / and

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OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Jowz 1, 1889, Tere VATE | n0AD pres passhes 4 Ns i ip LYE an —; “ ‘Le ww 7 ne wf nN ’ A VENIAL TRESPASS. | Squire Bluenose, ‘‘ Now Tuen, Sim! Edwin, ‘‘ A—M—vYEs |! Can’T you reap! To TELL YoU THE HONEST TRUTH, THAT'S EXACTLY WHY WE CAME HERE!” Drpw’r YOU OBSERVE THAT THIS Roap 1s PrivaTs?” A DIFFICULTY SOLVED. A Historical Parallel, (From Paddy's Point of View.) Ocu ! shure, a laygend ould historians ye ’ll find tellin’, Of the year twelve eighty-four, after they’d slain Liewettry, _ Of the thrick that Epwarp Lonesuanxs the Welshmen played, in state, on. If ye know your Poly-Olbion, ye’ll find it tould by Drarrton.) ‘* Through every part of Wales he to the Nobles sent, That they unto his Court should come incontinent, Of things that much concern’d the country to debate ; But now behold the power of unavoided fate ! When thus unto his will he fitly them had won, At her expected hour the Queen brought forth a son— Young Epwarp, born in Wales, and of Caernarvon called. Thus by the English craft the Britons were enthralled.” Faix, bhoys, I see it now—that smart gossoon, King Epwarp, All in his royal arrums ermine going bedward, And bringing forth the babe, all native claims thus squelching, And, lifting it on hoigh, the Welshers nately welshing. Well, history, they say, repates itself. ~F pane Thim Saxons would sarve us as once they did our naybours. In hopes O’Mvuiieans, Firzparaicns, and McHarrres Will take their cradle-thrick as mildly as thim Tarryrs. Hillaloo! The Prince of Waaxes has ption, and I'll vinture he Remimbers that we ’re not now in the Thi th Century. Clane out the Castle? Yes! Wid that scheme we'll not wrastle ; But, But, don’t substitute a brand-new Blarney Castle ! Black Cromweit burned the ould one, as Father Provr informs us; But though we Pats brave hate, a little love soon warms us. The Sassenachs seem findin’ the way to Erin’s heart, ae They won't find it so long when once they make a start, bhoys. But though we relish blarney, we can’t abide sheer bunkum, fringe awe te dad we a n doubt’s again. e emoli =e — Liftenant ye iy ~ = oat abolish Pr ch shure, it seems too ! e’dg ive free lodging To Prince or Royal Duke—if there’s no artful dodging ! Sly Lonesnanxs | wid Cambria played a e— t if—say Bassenpene—cheall contemplate fhe s same ? Pat, give him a fair chance, will prove himself right | : But—ye can’t heal ould wounds with mere soft soap— zh Royal! TO WHOM IT CONCERNS. (Little Suggestive Comedy of the day.) Scene.—A Fashionable West-End drawing-room. The hostess being anxious to provide for the ‘‘ entertainment” of her guests in a remarkable manner, has secured the services of a noted Popular Foreign Entertainer. Popular Foreign Entertainer (concluding a risky recitation, of a highly spiced character). Et Sapristi! Houp-la!—Voila la fin de Madame La Duchesse ! Tere First English Miss (in raptures). Oh, isn’t it delightful ? Second English Miss. It's quite too lovely ! | Third English Miss. So a’ y funny too! — ; Fourth English Miss. Oh! it’s perfectly killing! Did you under- | stand it all ? First Second, and Third English Misses (in chorus), Oh, every word of it! But t didn’t, of cowrse. Had they, they would have hid thew diminished head for ery shame a being suspected of taking in the meaning a si sentence. Po inch, Socks on at Ae chown, shakes his head, and asks those who do | understand tt, whether they think they are quite right in ery | viding their defenceless guests with ‘* Entertainment” of this sort. | Tropica, WeaTner.—Muzzle the dogs by all means, but what is | to be | with the hatters? Does the proverb, ‘‘ Mad asa hatter, | exist in any country besides our own? Perhaps Mr. JoserH KNIGHT of Notes and Queries will help us to solve the difficulty. County | a A very mucu Over-kaTepD Prace.—London, under the Council.

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—— % 4 { iy |) ty | \ i : . oe) Hy) “4 Md, AAs ia) “4 Yi ity sisi tBYZ 7, Wisin “A SZ 47 LZ ala | it " —_— | A DIFFICULTY SOLVED. PRINCE HENRY OF BATTENBERG PRESENTING THE FUTURE VICEROY TO THE LOYAL PEOPLE OF IRELAND—SUGGESTED AS AN HISTORICAL PARALLEL.

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June 1, 1889.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. 265 PA - 4 A”, Y 4 meen %, wn’ j fir Y ay Af 4A i 4 SS RZ /, [ Gis LitrLe JONES PICKED UP A WONDERFULLY SMART HACK, FOR AN ABSURDLY LOW PRICE, AT A RECENT AUCTION, APPEARANCE IN THE PARK. HIS BARGAIN. $f th KEE ap A i, Whi ht Y fy lyf ty YY y; MY / Y Y yy Wy J 4 ; VA, yy WHA 4 THis 18 HIS FIRST HE NOW LEARNS THE ANIMAL FORMERLY BELONGED TO BurraLo Biiu’s Crrovs, THE (LIBERAL) PERI. A Moore-ish Legend modernised, At three a Peri at the gate Of Eden stood disconsolate ; And as she listened to the springs Of talk within in torrents flowing, And caught the light upon her wings Through the half-opened portal glowing, She sighed to think her subject race Should e’er have lost that glorious place. | ‘‘ How happy,” exclaimed this outcast fair, “ Are the many male members who wrangle that freely fall ; there, ’Midst flowers (of speech) hool Board now am free, | Though I of the Se And parochial portals open for me, | The County Council were worth them all! | Though sweet an ‘At Home’ by Gladstone oration, Of the Women’s Liberal Federation, | In the Grosvenor or the Memorial Hall ; | Though dear are the platforms your sweet tones haunt, Mrs. Oscan Witpe, Mrs. Onmeston Cant, let the Earl of Mearn make it clear—J can’t— all! How the County Council outshines them It is very hard that the Dames who intrigue For that Tory Aidenn, the Primrose League, Are preised and petted by Prince and Peer, Whilst I’m forbidden free entrance here. Backstairs influence well may gain The entrée to loftiest Habitation ; But here I linger and long in vain For a seat within, which to attain wif the goal of she-Liberals’ emulation. Tis the goal which my womanly heart was xt on; I hoped by the aid of suburban Brixton, With male monopoly proudly to cope ; THE (COUNTY COUNCIL) PARADISE AND | And now an outcast I sadly stand, Foiled by that bogey, the Law of the Land, | Driven to despair by false (BeREsrorD Horr! If only I’d stray on the Primrose Path (As many Partisan Peri hath) Society’s seorn, and the Saturday’s wrath Might be diverted from my poor head ; But now, my mad and unmodish crimes | Are mocked by the Post and denounced by the Times, And ostracism’s my daily dread. Mean race of men, your monopolist spirit Still, still would hold our sex in thrall! Some show of freedom we now inherit, But the trail of ‘ Subjection’ is over them The smooth-faced Angel who was keeping | The C. C. doors beheld her weeping ; And, as he nearer drew, and listened | To her sad song, a tear-drop glistened Within his eyelids, like the spray | From patriot fountains, when ’tis pearl’d On Beakey’s blossom, which—Tories say— Blows nowhere but in Primrose- World. ‘* Nymph of a fair but luckless line!” RosEBERY said—*‘ one hope is thine. ’Tis written in the Book of F The Peri yet ma Who brings unto this C. C. gate The Earl of Mzara’s Bill—passed ! fou ’re pitied F’en by the Tories. hen you win, 2 shall be proud to let you in!” | Anti-Tower-or-Baset Buu. — Mr. | Punch wishes every success to Mr. Warr- more’s Bill for restricting the height of folly in building. May Parliament be -Ey | its ancient lights of wisdom, and the Bill! soon become an Act. | thin. won SHAKSPEARIAN, Wuat the dear children—who of course are | educated up to the Hamlet standard—say to hard-hearted mothers when they hear Dr. Barwarpo has made an offer,—'* Baxwanpo ! Ma’ sell us!” If they ’re very dear children, they are likely to be too much for Dr. Bar- NARDO. We suppose we’ve not heard the last about the ‘‘ Barnardo Homes,” ‘* Homes” isa nice word. If Mr. Marrmews were any- but the Not-at-Homes-Secretary, he look into the matter at once, FIRST-RATE ; Or, Ten of One and Half-a-dozen of the Other, In Parliament young Mr. Lawson— Learned in facts as in Greek Porson — Assures us that our L. C. C. Keeps watchful eye on L. 8. D. But, with much vigour, Mr. Baumann Leaps from his seat, exclaiming, *‘ How, Man, Can you make statements rash and heady, When up the rates have gone already a fivepence in the blessed suv’rin ?”’ en Mr. Lawson, on recov’ rin’ From this remark, says, with effusion, ** It’s all an optical illusion ! Over ten months the ‘ Precept’ ranges, And thus the half-year’s rate deranges.”’ hereto sneers Baumann, ‘‘ At this rate We shall regret the ‘ Perks’ its fate.”’ Moral. Even if our rates are now abating, There seems to be increase of rating ! Eptorammatic. — A cynical T ian writes thus :—‘‘ At the Haymarket Theatre only one -direction is necessary for any sceneinany play, and thatis, ‘Centre, a Tree.’”

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266 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Jum 1, 1889, —_—_——_... YN INTERIORS AND EXTERIORS. No. 69. a SS Ili WWW SQA NRE i/ . / i er a ) — — ‘\ 7 ¢ i, Uy, ST tI iiss SS ‘ \\ ! My». | oN SLL BUSS Se \\\ ELD | a, = = “ —— te. ~~} | | \ . . Y 7 Bde ‘ Nia Sa «ha | } | | | N oo ’ ZZ , a » WS ‘= if h, \ \ te / | sia | \ 1 \e— / = : — | a \\\| os Y fj « uae ‘poreel\ \\\| fa % ~~ ——nt f Ge ad % ne! jmeenis |) | A = oyh "4 a bs ATT iene Y SOY F228 = OD eee Df) sneer if mEARY CO-RovRo| “tapes? F 4 ; of Pe JAIN = D | = TS PP ; iz | Jn’ df teat | A s . EEN HE r5 ) D4 \\ Pam meres eth The Fancy Fair Season. Why not have a Parliamentary One in Westminster | Hall?

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| Jone 1, 1889.] —— PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 267

A BALLAD OF SALAD. red rose, I cannot eat the white ; In vain the long laburnum glows, Vain the camellia’s waxen snows, The lily’s cream of light. The lilae’s clustered chalices Proffer their bounty sweet In vain! Though very good for Man, with unstinted yearning sees, | Admires, but cannot eat. Give me the lettuce that has cool’d Its heart in the rich earth, Till every joyous leaf is school’d To erisply- mirth. | Give me the mustard and thecress, Whose glistening stalklets stand / | As silver-white as nymphs by /// | ht Upen the moonlit strand ; | The winking radish, round and red, | That like a ruby shines; | And the faint blessing, onion-shed, | Whene’er Lucutxus dines.

~~ * Ds Qms The ee endive’s curling Cool cucumber sliced small, And let the imperial beet-root spread Her purple over all. Though shrinking poetsstill prefer The common floral fashions, With buds and blossoms hymn their Her, These v ble loves would stir A flint-heart’s mineral passions! : ee a | “A Wuorre Liz.”—Mr. Gron- | py’s latest piece is the best he has | ever written ! Sawade. —

MR. PUNCH’S FANCY PORTRAITS. “THE WOLFF AT THE DOOR.” (Sir DrumMonp has returned from Persia.] OUTSIDE THE GLOBE. Warm Admirer. MansrFrecp is Fi take off Richard the WF ag 4g tiny: “Goi + y, he’s been doing it for last pO a ae Warm Admirer. I mean he is to withdraw Richard from e Globe—— Less Warm One (interrupting). And Ricnarp M. will be him- again. Yes—proceed, sweet "Varn Admirer (conti wing) arm or wn . Because, as the — \- “he finds the heat too ) | trying.” Yet it was a success. Less Warm One. Clearly it isn’t a frost, or else he might advertise the Globe as ‘‘ the coolest theatre in London.” Is it the rise of tem- perature that has affected Ricn- ARD’s thermometer, and which shows that the place has become too hot to hold him ? coe <r wae: ~ 4 aoe: ian wr-4

Joxer’s Diarny.—( Note Joe Miller, Junior, for July.—Suan i Must look up ali my old Char-i-vari, Char-cutier, Work these up and get names tothem. Can dine out for a week. . Fensney AND panera — Ber m in evening recep- tion of King Humperr by the Tress, ner a nice little family !_ “ Pernicious Snug,” as Mr. i remarked to Nicholas Nickleby.

WHAT THEY ’RE DOING WITH HIM. THE VERY LATEST CANARDS, We hear that the Directors of the General Omnibus Company have notified to the General their unanimous resolution to give him a lift, whenever he may desire to avail himself of that means of locomo- | tion, in any of their vehicles, | intimated to the General, he is said to have expressed much satisfac- | tion at the pro lo _ The General, we understand, yesterday morning accorded an _ interview to several influential Music P secure his services as a feature in entertainments. The terms of each varied in some slight but the leading idea of all seemed to be the of General in one or more costumes, with or without a comic song, but, if possible, with a ue dance, or some iki i sotalol Heike sepedion geaesiiion Whap aumie nature 0 ve € General Bun am poy valet ene ‘tte yy bey as much gratified at their offers, intimated that he would leave the question of their ce in the hands of his “‘ Committee.” It is understood t the General has been offered, and has accepted, the Presidency at the Annual Dinner to be held at Wap- ping on the 19th proximo, in Aid of the Decayed Bathing-women’s randmothers’ Association. It is reported that a well known Caterer for Public Amusement has in contemplation proposing to the General an ex provincial tour, on advantageous with a first-class Travelling Circus, the General to contribute to the a comic scene with a Mehly-tesined elephant, from a) ex jump through three paper moons, coloured reapecti y blue, wath, Se, indicative of the National Flag of France. Genco ko Gil eghctelo Beak ovary cqueaten sl iaiieten. en it with every expression We hear that this ing an influential deputation from West- bourne Grove called on the for the purpose of securing his

Sees free of charge. On this having been | 4, 4 liveliest sa

presence at a ‘‘ small and early” organised in the neighbourhood with a view to in’ be ty = = to “the nobility and gentry” of Bayswater. On the object of their visit being made clear to him, the who smiled gracious] his General most tification at the honour they t he would leave the matter in It is rumoured that on the 9th, 17th, and hapa FE i, AR oundation stone new a . Inauguration of the Bazaar in aid of the Funds of the Consumptive Pare ¢ onyd Orphan . at Houndsditch. It is also further | sta Gp at eee days, but on all others, the General’s time is y 7 Sapen up eae perspective cng: ts. On this having been pointed out to him, eneral is to have con- templated the circumstance with every manifestation of the very

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday Night, iy Nose Baron had little ise in store for Opposi to-night. Comforted themselves with conviction that Sugar Convention dead, and only awaiting convenient opportunity for burial. But Nose Baron smiling, with an All-a-blowin’-and-a-growin’ air. signed by seven out of the eight great Bounty-giving ; accepted in principle by eighth; and Her t fully alive to importance of maintaining a resurrection ,” says Wiureip Lawson. = Se yn oy! Cone “~ of quiet humour ; fancy YFAIR u : a tremendous con to move Rejection of Bill on Second Reading; if Bill's ’s to become But if the Bakow can be 8) Lyon

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eel 268 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (Jone 1, 1889, | Debate on Naval Defence Bill set in with acoeustomed severity Thought it was all settled on Second Reading; broke out again in Committee; now begins again on Third ing. Members who could not catch Srxaxen’s eye on earlier stages, now grab at it. Members stand it well enough till half-past seven; after that, tience breaks down. ILLrneworrTu, rising at twenty minutes to Division. Arp moved Closure ; Sreaxer took no notice, “Yet he must have ’Arep him,” said Cuante Beresronp, who had made his speech, and was getting hungry. ; Wire Lawson followed I1rtiweworts ; heartrending groans from famished Members ; Lawson talked on. Eight o'clock struck ; ten minutes past ; dinner spoiled in three hundred desolate homes. Howls increase ; Wrirarip immovable. : : ** They ’ll only drink wine and cherry brandy,” he said, “if I let ’em off. Better stop here few minutes longer.” Quarter past eight ; division called ; ten minutes later three hundred hungry men racing downstairs, and Palace Yard resonant with the tramp of the sympathetic cab-horse and the roll of the wheels of the hurrying brougham. ; ‘ Business done.—House “‘kept in” over dinner-hour. Third Reading of Naval Defence Bill carried by 183 votes against 101. Tuesday.—Buzzing round Sugar Convention again; Hancovrt quite in high spirits. Looked up lot of questions he was going to ask, when what now appears to have been premature announcement of demise made; fires them off at Treasury Bench. GtapstovE backs him up. Hicxs-Beacn throws himself into breach ; stands fire for ten minutes. Didn’t make very much of him; hasn’t the unique, benevolent simplicity of Oty Moratrry, off which objurga- tion, reproach, and abuse run as harmlessly as water off duck’s back. “The worst of O.p Moratrry is,” Hancovrt says, “ that one gets so little for one’s pains. Blows that would pulverise another man haven't slightest effect on his im- aga me ingenuousness. It’s ike doubling up your fists and hammering a feather-bed. Feather-bed shaken up, and two minutes later presents precisely same placid, benevolent, inviting appearance as it did before you wore yourself out upon it.” Less of the feather-bed about Hicxs-Bracu at question time; but result not much more satis- factory to assailant. “‘I must beg for an answer from some member of the Government,” Harcourt blusters. “The answer of the Govern- ment is,” said MicHAagL-ANGELo Braca, ‘that we do not consider it consistent with our duty and the interests of the public service to give the Right Hon. Gentle- man the information he wants.” Harcourt i ; Gtiap- STONE poun away ; MicHakr- Michael-Ancel AncELo, leaning confidentially ' on the box, fired his last shot. “I must decline,” he said ‘‘to answer hypothetical questions.” Haxcovrt not having any other kind ready at moment, performance terminated. Later, Joszru Gritis appeared on scene, a rare delight in these days. National Debt Bill on for Third Reading. Harcourt up again, dropping big tears over GoscHen’s unfaithfulness to memory and principles of Starronp Nortuoore. Destroyed two great works of his financial life—Cheap Sugar, and Scheme for Rejection of National Debt. Hancourr ecould scarcely control his emotion. Others joined in, Joxxrm, temporarily laying aside cap-and-bells, earnestly pleaded his innocence. Then Josern Grxxis appeared with outstretched hand that instantly stilled tumult of controversy, and left him the centre of a listening Senate. If you'd given your mind to it, might have heard a pin drop, as Jozy B., with gaze Herniy there fixed on prostrated Cuancetior of the Excneover, chanted his notes of regret, attuned more to sorrow than anger, that should be a Government capable within the space of ears of having twice attacked financial principles of his late Right Hon. — Sir ray eter 3 a A 4 axcovrt h id these very things, and had, indeed, the advan- tage of uttering them first. But Joszern Gris, unconsciously imitating sweep of Harcovrt’s arm as he delivered with Harcourtian onderosity the very sentiments he had heard delivered a couple of .| sentiments, expounded identical p tight to continue talk, uproar burst forth in deafening shouts for | +}. ours earlier, was much more effective than the original. Joxxrx, | visitors of the state of the weather, chez eur. One sends up, “ listening to Haxcover, from time to time scornfully smiled and| morning, warm. Glass steady.” Glad to hear it—it’s better than, defiantly shook his head. But when Jory B. delivered same lofty | “‘ Dull morning, dry. Hand shaky.” —————s sinaiges of financial purity, Joxerm’s guilty head sank on his alarmed breast, he folded his trem. bling arms, and vainly tried to shut out with closed eyelids the tacle of the terrible accuser. Business done.—Budget Bill egneel e. ‘ednesday.—London Coal Dues under discussion. PEASE; wants to abolish them. Press heavily upon poor. Fow rer (Alderman) shows, on contrary, that prosperity of London is derived entirely from regular exac- tion of Coal Dues. To this source is due Holborn Viaduct, Thames Embank- ment, Polytechnic, Tower of London and Underground Se . If old Charters of London are to be abolished, then New Zealander better at once apply to Coox’s agent for ticket for London Bridge. Fretra, urged by momentous subject to unusual flights of eloquence, ex desire that ancient Charters may “‘remain in the womb of the past.” Baumann makes clever h in moving rejection of Bill; but ape runs amueck at Dues. = ORALITY proposes compromise, an Bill read a Second Time by 264 votes against 104, Thursday.—Seotland’s turn at last. Ireland we have always with us; Eng- land gets an oppertanity occasionally ; Gallant Little Wales had evening and morning sitting ia succession last week. Now Sanpy takes the floor; all the a bonnets are over 4 bate : estminster echoi wi * All a-blowin’ and a-growin’.” accent; the wail of the pibroch heard . in distant corridor; haggis figures prominently in menu in dining- room. JacoBy, arrayed in lightest summer suit, perambulates lobby. Smiles beamingly an all Scotch Members. ‘We'll hae a gude Seuuten the night, I’m thinkin’, Dr. Fann- QuHARRSON,”’ he said, just now to Member for West Aberdeen. That not his usual way of speaking ; but Jacopy a born Whip. Knows how to get at the heart of a man. Only with greatest difficulty his coll e, Pare Srannors, poocuated is coming down to-night t. in kilt. **It would fetch them,” he said; **I’m sure Scotch very ible on national matters. Would like . ae delicate attention like the ilts.” Stannore said, No; thought they ’d better not try it yet. Jacosr, not permitted todon Ripe put on what he believed to be Scot- tish accent; whistled ‘‘ Scots wha hae” as Gronce Campneit passed him ; asked BucHanan to lend him op of ‘* Meg Merrilees,” which he believes is one of Scott's novels. Wonderfully enthusiastic man in his new vocation ! Business done.—Debate on Seoteh Local Government Bill, Friday Night, —A melancholy NA | day. At morning sitting, h\ | Local Government Bill; in \ evening, PicKERSGILL on Penal Sen- copase, el a gg rine Longe y vari y interesting s told by Marruews, of How They Went to the Prize Fight at Mose- ber “ Fancy them- P : selves packed up in covered fur- niture-van. Police placidly watched ponderous vehi passing along highway ; never suspected . | vive to stop ne Furniture van" Takieg-all Hake” arrived at se unpacked, and ‘‘the furniture” went at it un- disturbed.” Busines done.—Much talk. The new Whip. Ir is the fashion, as a matter of business, for the Managers of sea- side Hotels to telegraph up to town, daily, informing in ——— ky NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will ih no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. ‘To this rule there will be no exception.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jums 1, 1889. ] H. J. NICOLL & CO, OUTFITTERS. LONDON : 114, 116, 118, 120, REGENT STREET, W. ; 22, CORNHILL, E.C. PARIS: 29 anv 31, RUE TRONOCHET. NOVELTIES FOR SUMMER WEAR, GENTLEMEN. sUITINGS, oe best materials, BRANCHES: MANOHESTER—10, Mosuay Srnent; LIVERPOOL—650, Botp StRest ; BIRMINGHAM—89, New Sruest, OVERCOATINGS, and TROUSERINGS, from and in exclusive makes. OVEROOATS and GLOAKS of every description, and for all Climates, always in Stock, SERVANTS’ LIVERIES, from the best materialé, for moderate prices. LADIES. COSTUMES, JACKETS, and TRAVELLING WRAPS, in new designs for the coming Season, RIDING HABITS, with Patent Foot-Strap; for Park and Country wear. PATTERNS OF MATERIALS AND MBSASUREMENT FoRMS FORWARDED ON APPLICATION. NEAVE’S FOO! BEST AND a ae. AND D THE A AGED. stig iow ATER? ROOT). saDDLE PASTS W eteurncor.) cold by tt Saddler, Grocerd, ad 1kGhibongers, H. HAI LARRISS. iARE wrt BAL Hi AES ® Manufactory; LONDON, E. CORK ISTILLERIES 00.'8 OLD IRISH WHISKY Tobe had of principal Spirit Dealers, a Ae bm 1S. "Godkinel ta cube and RK DISTILLERLES COMPANY, wd MORRISON'S ISLAND, CORK. | XSHAW & 00.8 FINEST | Oa ta ts Repeat ber Street, W. iy THE “ PLANET ” PENS. iy THE “ PLANET ” PENS. SOLD BY ALL STATIONERS, in 6d., ls., and gross Boxes. JOHNSON BROS., Makers, BIRMINGHAM. DIACONAL SEAM CORSET. w it be ee crate Comt Comfort Gearanteod Wear THRER GOLD MEDALS. SEVEN FIRST PRIZE MEDALS. HIGHEST AWAKDS 47 ALL INTEKNATIONAL EXHIBITIONS. THE CELEBRATED WOLFF VIOLINS. Rest modern-made Violins. Grand to finished. Prof. W ° | wy | other great artists. Introduced in most | e Ew ropean Conservatories and Orchestras. Li a Testimonials and Prices post free at all Agents throughout the kingdom, and of W. KONIGSBERG & CO., | & 2, CHISWELL STREET, LONDON, E.C. Genuine Old Italian Violins, from £10 and upwards. | KEEP YOUR HOMES HEALTHY | LADIES’ TAILOR, AND FREE FROM SICKNESS, BY USING THE “ SANITAS ” DISINFECTANTS. Fragrant, Non-Poisonous. DO NOT STAIN OR CORRODE. FLUIDS, POWDERS, AND SOAPS. The Sanitas Company Limited, Three Colt Lane, Bethaal Green, Lenton, E. HOWARD): BEDFORD HAYMAKERS & RAKES. RANSOMES’ LAWN ARE THE BEST. MONTH’S FREE TRIAL MOWERS CARRIAGE PAID. RANSOMES, SIMS & JEFFERIES, Ld, IPSWICH. SawanD PARRISH by contract poms of his Syrup tofteuvme & TL 2 Tell Pubile are eCautioned that a number in ae (geen in composition) are sold in the original prepare sit for ibe, J = —" by Secims SQUIRE'S EMICAL =~. FOOD 2/-, 3/6, and 6/-. way | FOR DELICATE CHILDREN. and s, on of Pancet Poor Fass or raomu SQUIRE & SONS, Ler Majesty's Chemists, 413, on IRD STREET, LONDON, REDFERN, GOWNS Cc ATS ULSTERS “The most noted firm of Ladies’ Tailors in the World, and, be it said, the most original.’’—Vide Press. COWES, LONDON, EDINBURCH, PARIS, NEW YORK. sosecssoeds nt :Congar: : eeeee Pat gg 2 es OF TE a ee OO ee Pat . Ton a. oe tle ¥# the of” Reura- atment it."~—Maepicat Panes, &, 4,404 lis, Of all Chemints REAL GERMAN HOL FROM ENGLISH 4 Bil )| 138 DIGBETH MERCUMIAL. The BEST and Arist | SLE for CLEANING SILVER, ELECTRO- LATE, &. FIVE GOLD MEDALS awarded, beid everywhere,in Loses, le. , 24, 66., amd ds. 64, iS DELICIOUS TIME tries all THINGS READING. Deon the by Trade s’ Bigna- acrose the A one a Canna’ ab tnd alae ree, at Cough, "Browchita, ‘s rest. CUBEB oF a4 96, 2a. 64, Girections. An CIGARETTES, vec TD Infuensa. One Weod Ou Kon. the Colonies Friee 4 COLT’S FIREARMS Co..4. Pal Mall, Lenton AW, ADAMS’ FUR ITURE DINNEFORD'S MAGNESIA For ACIDITY op tas it on BEARTSUKN, me oy GOUT, and 1G RSTION. 180, BOND owe db Dug Borw icks | Baking IOWA PR

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wren Ke ibn ee N Ly | G Hi ff _ . =a ———————— MOOOONNAAELTTTUAAUASMEN NAN 00 610 A AAPEERERLA C A _ASPINALL'S $040. snnegweensenes . cesses aenceesanete os + seenees seccesen sesee ADROOORE SEA NODULE) LOkbORRN HE) ADE DORA OBEN Mbs | URMBRMMRD AEDS | ALi CLUE NAA TELLS LAE ORL” COPUSESRAALESOOUOREVERTUETENEUTEVERORSUESLACSALD DGC RGNSESESeg ean tereoreer ian ORC PUREDURSDAUSTOOUGDU LOO COU SECU SURO CRORGEDERE DE DL IT Ms (LION Maid of Athens, ere we part, Teach me, sweet, your wondrous art, While you ho'd my soul in thrall Siclpepenatacenameetectiae With the magic ‘‘ ASPINALL,” RETTPETTPTTPTOETPETPTT Beauteous maid, with thee |’d stay “ ASPINALLING” all the day ! PUBLISHED EVERY GATURDAY. ASK FOR ASPINALL’S ENAMEL. BEAUTIFIES WHEREVER USED. ASPINALL’S ENAMEL Renovates Furniture, Wicker, Glassware, Metal Work, and gives endless satisfaction. There is scarcely an article but may be made attractive. REJECT POISONOUS IMITATIONS. ASPINALL’S ENAMEL is supplied in tins, half-gallons, and gallons, of ali Storekeepers. See Aspinall’s name and medals stamped on every tin. TINT CARDS, showing over 100 Colours, gratis and post free. Sold at all respectable Shops and Stores, or in tins, post free, ls. 6d. and 3s. For Baths, Ils. Od. end 3s. 6d. Post free from ASPINALL’S ENAMEL WORKS, LONDON, S.E. Printed by WUham Steert Smith ef No ©, Loraine Read, Holloway, im the Parish of St. im the County of at Offices of Messrs. Brad’ , Agnew & Co., Lombard sum . im Whe Freckle. tet W hitefriam, in the City of er Ee Pattlched oy Bien at eo. 0h, Vleet Suresh, in the bed Sra, Keegy Ahmpee rerio june 1, sie,