Punch 1888: Vol 94

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SaUvTin AN SSNUBIT TUN ; rt hh i Reuiiseae uv ih TTT : Al lah 7 LONDON : PUBLISHED AT THE OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS, 1888.

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LOSDON feavevey, acxew, & oo.. PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS,

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June 30, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL iii ¢¢ TTILLO-0-.0! Ahoy there!!!” | The Voice—a strong but silvery one, a blend, as it were, of the two sorts of “ Sirens” (fog-horn and pretty girl | to wit)—-sounded, like that of Mrs. Brown1xo’s “ Great God Pan,” down in the reeds by the river. | Mr. Poxcr, who was “ paddling his own canoe,” responded with a sonorous “ Aye, aye!” turned with one dexterous | stroke his canoe-point shorewards, and—came plump upon old Father Tuames, the unmistakeable “ reverend Sire” himself, | but “ so neat and so clean and well-flannelled withal,” that Mr. Puncu, accustomed of late years to the sort of mulberry-nosed mudlark of the metropolitan Thames-reaches, started in pleased surprise at his old friend’s picturesque spick-and-spanness. A moor-hen scuttled away through the reeds, and a kingfisher flashed like a winged jewel across the creek, as the | prow of the Sage’s canoe “ pointed” at the recumbent Sire of Streams. “ Why, Father, I hardly knew you!” cried Mr. Puncn. “Because I appear in my native shape, undisguised by dirt, and unattended by dead dogs,” responded Father | THames, sententiously. “Well, flannels and a clean face certainly suit you better than a costume a la chiffonnier, and reeds and kingfishers | are worthier of your pcetical antecedents than a retinue of long-shore rubbish.” So the Sage. “ Of course,” said Father Taames. “ But Civilisation has treated me badly. Precious few kingfishers left, I can tell you ; cockney sportsmen and sham ornithologists have taken care of that/ By the way, you'll find a beaker of Iced Deli- — ciousness down in the moss there. Spare it not,—any more than I hope you will the pernicious fools who do their best to — exterminate the Thames fauna!” s Glug-glaugging from some high Olympian bottle ; The sound of shandy-gaff descending fleet The Sage’s throttie. “ But that’s not the only bone I have to pick with Civilisation,” pursued the Hoary Sire. “ They ’ve churned my upper reaches into saffron mud with their pestilent Steam-Launches, and converted my lower ones into a malodorous drain with their trade-refuse. They ‘ve potted my moor-hens, and peopled me with sewer-rats. Where they have not been able to make me unclean, they have made me cockneyfied. But they might Defend me!” “Oho!” cried the Sage. “Then you too, O aged Recluse of the Reeds, O venerable Solitary of the Sedges, havo | been seduced by the Modern Magazine, have been lured into the maze of Contemporary Polemics !” “ Mr. Puxcu,” said Father Taames, with energy, “‘a Recluse may be a Patriot. And who should be a Patriot if not | | I? Once indeed, long, long years ago, my stream was dishonoured by a foreign ship with a broom at its mast-head. Well, | | well, never mind. But I don’t want it to happen again / //” | “ Naturally,” rejoined Mr. Puxcu, “ National Defence is a subject which is now attracting a lot of attention. The Then was there music as of nectar sweet }

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. (Jone 30, 1888 Defence of the Thames is a very essential part of it. An enemy's iron-clads in the Pool would be as little to your mind as torpedo-fishing at Pangbourne ; eh, mine Aquatic Ancient ?” “ Precisely, my Puscntus! How long then would it be before Tony there floated, paws upwards, off the Temple Gardens, whilst his Mighty Master mourned in a Tower dungeon ?” * Sursum corda, Sire!” responded the cute but ever-cheery Oracle of Fleet Street. “ 'Tis a far cry to Traitor’s Gate. To eAapt the Wizard once more :— ** Our Wimbledon has marksmen good, * And many a ship shall be shot-torn, (Though Dukes be dour and snubs be rude,) And many a man to earth be borne, Coekneys are chaps of loyal mood ; And many a hulk go up in flames, On Sarrey hills live stalwart men, Ere foreign foe shall sweep the Thames.” On Kentish cliff, in Berkshire glen ; - . ° 3 Father Tames gave an exultant whoop that set the Dog of Dogs yapping in joyous sympathy, and startled the distant punt-angler so that he lost the first big ‘un he bad hooked that afternoon. “ Natheless, my Grand Old Man of Rivers,” pursued Mr. Puncn, ‘‘ we must look well after you. As I said, you look sylendid in flannels, but we can rig you out in armour-plate at need. Neither you nor Britannia herself must remain Unprotected. Whilst Scribes scribble, and Optimists orate, and Pessimists perorate, and Officials glose, and ex-Officials growl, I Puxcu, mark, and meditate, and presently shall put my foot down. You know what that means! ** My eye, descending from my Den, surveys Where Thames, gay-decked, but undefended, strays ; Thames, the best-loved of all our Ocean's sons. They 'd better watch it, our Unknowing Ones! If they leave you unsafe from source to sea, They ll have to reckon. daw dling dolts, with Me’ Oh, could they flow like thee, and make thy flood Their great example ; clear their minds from mud, When quiet, be not quite so deadly dull, Nor, when they move, so prompt to make a Mull! “ Shade of Dewnam, forgive me! What's that you ‘ve got tucked up there, Father Taames?” “ Well—shem !—it 's—hum !—in point of fact it's a Blue Book on National Defence!” “ The dickens it is! Find it cheer your course, and eolace your solitude ?” “On the contrary!” cried Father Tuames, with emphasis. “Fancied it might be nice reading for bad weather, when my patriotic heart aches, and there are no pretty girls about to turn the dull pain into a pleasing flutter. But, as far as 1 can make out, there's neither point nor patriotism in it, and I'd put it aside for pipe-lights.” “Point? Patriotism! Be these your desiderata, dear old boy?” cried Puxcurus. “ Then I think I can put you up to a good thing. Pitch those ponderous pages to limbo. Here's something worth both your P's, and any number of others into the bargain: such as Pregnancy (of wisdom and wit), Pungency, Polish, Practicality, Pellucidity—a very peck of P’s summed up in one Big Big P—which is PUNCH!!! As to Defence, dear boy, it will arm you (against Dulness and other dangers) better than iron-clads in your estuary, or towers along your steeps. ‘T'ake it—with my blessing!” And Mr. Poxcn banded to Father Trames his Ainety-Fourth Volume ! ae es tl

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Price THREEPENCE. Postage, One Penny. i co ‘ 2 WN) =i 1 x S i ie a = vi r ha \ KS aN EN) STA SAN Vivi Filey! Minin. ‘ PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, LONDON, ™ AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS AND NEWSAGENTS. “ Continues to hold the leading f joll ; INAVIS mee this Country as in America.”

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PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1888. [December 8, 128.

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December & 1887.) PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1888, 0, tly bound in fine on ¢ eG te 6d. me PUNCH’S ICTORIAN ERA. e First Volume, containing 312 toons from ‘‘ PuncH,” bordered by Hescriptive Histerical Commentary. TRACTS FROM PRESS NOTICES :— From “The Guardian.” ‘ This First Volume takes us down to 1859, eting to each year some five-and-twenty toons. It is superfluous to say that they “excellently drawn and full of humour, etimes broad and sometimes delicate. But s surprising to find how complete a history he times they present in vivid form, at least its most callent features; and a history 000. h is not confined to political events, bes paNTS, sch catches and stereotypes many of the nescent phases of Phy be — e and Esq sion, which h could in ¢ Local other way.” meee From “The Athersum.” ‘Mr. Punch's Vicrortan Era’ is truly | “¢ tary, ed an illustrated chronicle of fifty years of — reign of Her Majesty. The First olume is sre us, and contains some of the masterpieces _eecu, Dovie,and Tenntew. Itisextremely cious as a record of what men thought, ied, and expected from 1841 to 1859.” From “ The Field.” It was a ha thought to collect from the Punch some of the more volumes king of the Cartoons which have appeared re during the fifty years of Her Majesty's NN, pn. ‘Throughout the volume the plates are ompanied by a brief but well-written sum- AG ry of events and incidents to throw light " ere required) upon the pictures. pk, therefore, makes a useful, as well as a fall, dsome and amusing addition to the library le, and it is not without historical im e as a reflex of the times to which it relates.” From “The Daily News.” ‘It was a decidedly happy thought to select » the pages of Mr. Punch the political (and ee) Cartoons; and make them serve, with aid of a running comment, the purposes of illustrated chronicle of the a 1een’s reign. XAS. 5 apsury, AGNEW & Co., Bouverie St., E.C. WORKS BY R. F. C. BURNAND. COMPLEAT ANGLER, The. After Master Izaak Walton. Illustrated by HARRY FURNISS. Extra large crown 8vo, price 1s. sewed ; or as. he cloth, edges cut or uncut. OUT SUTInG A HORSE. Small 8vo, cloth, 2s. [TKKES L By CHARLES READIT. samo, price rs. N. UST AND LOOSE; or, Brocken Vows. Crown 8vo, price 1s. INE WRONG. By Miss Ruopy Denpron. samo, price 1s, PPY THOUGHTS. Small crown 8vo, 2s. 6d. Illustrated by Harry Furniss. 4to, Wrapper. ice 15. RE HAPPY THOUGHTS. Small crown 8vo, cloth, price 2s. 6d, E-AND-THREE. By Fictor "’s Nooo. ALIDS, ' 12mo, price 1s. eted—tt UND ABOUT MY GARDEN. Small . 8vo, cloth, price 2s. 6d. The MEENDFORD AND MERTON, The New tle fellow of. With IMustrations LINLEY -ondition SAM JURNE. 4to, Wrapper. Price PMORE. A Romance by WEEDER. 1amo, price rs T'S THE ODDS? By Mayor JAWLey SHARP. 12mo, price rs. ppury, Acnew & Co., Bouverie St., E.C. 6 & 5/., Parcels TER. ME. | SON'S iform with the Comic HIsTORIES of “* ENGLAND” and “ RoE.” demy 8vo, extra‘cloth, price 12s. 6d. A’BECKETT’S MIC BLACKSTONE ntirely Revised and Extended by A. W. a’BECKETT. h ro Illustrations in Colours and others the Text by HARRY FURNISS. excellent.” — te of the rode eines fun, and wi hi w, grotesquely humorous wood- The illustrations are one and all delight- ly humorous,” —| Post. Washioe. | Having this sprightly book before. us, we Leave and learn at the same time.”— y Telegraph. Drury, Acrew & Co., Bouverie St., E.C. BY SPECIAL ROYAL AND IMPERIAL WARRANT, FOR ALL SEASONS AND ALL CLIMATES. ECERTON BURNETT'S mEeNs, Pos7, Free PRICES—FOR LADIES ~ For Ladies, on Y =D or ARD. Ge and Chie ‘ROYAL EXTRA STRONG FOR 31-in., 2s. 3d. yd. Serges for Royal Navy, 27-inch, ls. 1lj¢. and 2+. 3¢. per yard, “ Tue Queen” says it is pre- ee use- ful, and that quality recommends it to ADDRESS— NO AGENTS, EGERTON BURNETT, Wellington, Somerset, England, detection. The most harmless and effectual restorer extant. ne trial will convince it has no equal Sold by Chemists, Perfumers, &c., in cases, tos. 6¢. Wholes le Agents, R. HOVENDEN & SONS, ‘ ITY ROAD, E.C., LONDON Circulars Double-width Military Serges, 3s, Gd. to 5s. 6¢. per yard. practical minds and purses of al! lengths, oo . HAIR restored by NUDA VERITAS, after which the hair & 32, BERNERS STREET, OXFORD ST REET, W., and 91—95, PURE WOOL. e the natural colour, not grey. Unequalled as a dressing, it causes growth, arrests falling, and ITs can be had, and Testimonials seen. In an extremely handsome and appropriate binding, price 28s. Complete in One Magnificent Volume, JOHN LEECH’S PICTURES Of Life and Character. From the Collection of Mr. PUNCH, Containing nearly 900 Pages of PICTURES, Also the THIRD and concluding VOLUME, price 10s. 6d. The present issue of JOHN LEECH’s PICTURES can now be had complete, either in Three separate Volumes, price 10s. 6d. each, or in One perfect Volume, price 28s. ** The genius of Leech has never been seen to greater advantage than in this gallery.” —Morning Post. ** We doubt whether in the whole range of the literary or pictorial art of the iod, the earlier portion of the Victorian era has been elsewhere so vigorously, so truthfully, as well as so humorously portrayed as in JOHN LEECH’s inimit- able picturcs. The series has an importance beyond the amusement of the moment—it serves both to commemorate the genius of the artist and the character of the age.” —County Gentleman. London: BRADBURY, AGNEW & Co., 8, 9, 10, Bouverie Street, E.C. Brilliant et ae = the illustrations | The GRANT'S MORELLA Tonga main- tains its re- CHERRY BRANDY ftom a the ° treatment The delicious product of the famed Kent Morellas. Neuralgia.” Supplied to Her Majesty at all the Royal Palaces. 2s. Od., 40. 64., @11s., of all Chemists, Lancet. GRANT’S MORELLA CHERRY BRANDY. Excellent with water, hot or cofa. Beware of un me imitations, Ask persistently for GRANT’S MORELLA CHERRY BRAN DY. Inquire for it at all Bars and Refreshment Rooms Seanedactecers, oy GRANT & SONS, MAIDSTONE. the remainder of his Choice and Valu- NO MORE WATGH KEYS) Ss -ssseascm nes KEY WATCHES, at 20 per Cent. Reduction, as he intends to keep none but Keyless Watches. TO GET RID OF INDIGESTION Dahl's Dyspepsia Cakes, MOST EFFICACIOUS FOOD, Price 2s. 6d. per Box. OF ALL CHEMISTS. —SIR JOHN BENNETT offers The Cheapside In for De a Sigeme| LADIES’ COLD KEYLESS WATCHES. Perfect for time, beauty, and SIR JOHN BENNETT'S last in Watchwork. Watch “vith gy. nena “can Balance and jewelled in 13 ; WATCHES - actions, in — — Case. 6.5 F ay al’ a with keyless t action, air i decd at damp & danke heapss ony one Free & safe per post for £5 Manufacturers’ Prices. In return for POST-OFFICE ORDER, free & safe by post, one of BENNETT'S £15. GENTLEMEN’S GOLD KEYLESS LEVER WATCHES. With Chronometer Balance and Jewelled in 13 actions. In all respects a thoroughly sound useful Watch COD LIVER OIL “Is as nearly tasteless as Cod-Liver Of] can be.””—Lancet. “ No nauseous eructations follow after it is swallowed.” — Medical Press. Tt can be borne and digested by the most delicate 5 is the only oil which does not “repeat ;”’ and for these reasons the most kind in use. In cap- suled bottles only, 1/4, 4 1/4, 26, 4/0, & 9/-. BYNIN valuable adjunct to Cod- j Liver Oil. Highly-con- centrated and nutritious. A powerful by to digestion. It isa valuable aliment and Wasting Diseases. LIQUID MALT, forms a In bottlon ot 1/9 each. o FURNISH O THROUGHOUT. (Reg@) ( j ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUI Post Free, 67, 69, 71, 73, 75) 77, & 79, Ly HAMPSTEAD O ROAD, N.W. (Near To’tenham Court Road) FOR ALL METALS Needham’ “The Favorite” Paste @@ DAZZLING, MIRROR FINISH ! 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id t & a ? ee of WAS Ce Aone Ay OFS, te Beye fe oe . Ss — PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1888. [December %, 188), CHOCOLAT MENIER FOR BREAKFAST. ANNUAL CONSUMPTION EXCEEDS 26,000,000 Les. PARIS. LONDON. NEW YORK. SAMUEL BROTHERS. SCHOOL OUTFITS, BOYS’ SUITS, OVERCOATS, &c. A very choice and extensive variety of clothing is kept in | stock manufactured by the firm from the same cloths that are | used in the Bespoke Department. The ready-made stock is designed, cut, trimmed, and manufactured with great care and skill, the finish and workmanship being in every respect equal to that of clothing made to order. New and original styles are being constantly introduced. Highland costumes and ornaments in all the various Clans. Hats, hosiery, &c. to match the suits. For the Christmas and New Vear seasons a variety of suits of unique designs have been made in plushes, velvets, velveteens, superfines, &c., though expecially suitable for Parties, Balls, &c. they are also permanently useful for best wear 65 & 67, LUDGATE HILL, ae _ LONDON, E.C; ° “Garuic Tar.” “Eron” Surrt. HOWARD'S PARQUET For Floors. From 4d. 25, 26, 27, BERNERS ST., W

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PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1888.

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~ PP A ee wie etch a + a PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1888. CHRISTMAS AT LITTLE PEDDLINGTON. The Curate (a Local Wit), ‘Way weepn't A MAN STARVE IN THE Desert or Samana! FEED Ow THE SAND WHICH IS THERE, YOU KNOW!” Appreciative Fy DE SAHARA A pprec iat ive nchman, ‘‘Qu'EST-CE QuU'IL DIT, CB BON Monstevr Green ?” Sir Pompey Bedell. “O08 —ER—1IL DEMUND ‘ POORKWAR IL NAY PAH NECESSAIR POOR OON HOM DE MOOREER DE FANG DONG LE DEsAIR ’ AY ALOR IL REPONG: ‘ PARSKER IL PER MONJY LE SARBLE KEE AY LAR, VOO SAVVY!’ Frenchman. “‘ AH—PARFAIT! Tres Fin! Tres your! VortA Bren L'Esprit ANGLAIS!” MADRIGAL OF THE MONEY MARKET. On, what shall I do with my money ? Ah, how can I safely invest ? Not so as the bees gather honey ; Then plunderers rifle their nest. | | Land 's hardly worth more than old armour ; | Few landlords it yields a Knight's fee. Now farming pays not e’en the Farmer, What rent could the Farmer pay me ? Consols offer some vonsolation, Though dividends be but mean rents. Conversion, if not confiscation, Ere long may o’ertake Three-per-Cents. No gamester gay, care-free, and frisky, I fear me the course of affairs Bids Capital force into risky Funds, stocks, speculations, and shares. My wealth, if unable to use it, In strong-box or bank shall I store ? O dear! I might, rather than lose it, Give all I 've got, bang, to the Poor ! Points or Prupence.—Make friends of | none but rich people who are unlikely to ask | | you for pecuniary assistance. Never lend more | | tham you can afford to lose ; but if you want to stop off anyone from trying to borrow money of you above that amount, it may be | expedient, at a pinch, to offer him a loan of | five shillings _ AN IDYL ON THE ICE, Fur-apparelled for the skating, Comes the pond’s acknowledged Belle ; I am duly there in waiting, For I'll lose no time in stating That I love the lady well. Then to don her skates, and surely Mine the task to fit them tight, Strap and fasten them securely While she offers mo, dereurely. First the left foot then the right. You GIvE 1r up? WHy, BECAUSE HE CAN [Chorus of delight, TRAY BONG, N'RSS PAR?” [Makes a Note of it! Off she circles, swiftly. flying To the pond’s extremest verge ; Then returning, and replying With disdain to all my sighing, And the love I dare not urge. Vainly do I follow after, She ’s surrounded in a trice, Other men have come and chaffed her And the echo of her laughter Comes across the ringing ice. Still I’ve hope, a hope that never In my patient heart is dead ; Though fate for a time might sever, Though she skated on for ever, I would follow where she fle. | | A CostLty CompLaint.—Cold in the head, catarrh, and paying through the nose. A DREADFUL DOUBLE RAP. RAT-A-TAT, tat ! There ’s a knock at the door. I wonder who ’s that ? Am afraid it’s a boxe ; An intrader, maybe, both a bore and a dun, Formed of two bores together, a monster in one |! A Jewisn Kixe or Francr.—Old Ciovis. A Form or Equustr1an Drama —Horse- play.

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alan Pi PAN || sonny Hil} _/ “yy hw : TT) iN x ~ | jassdle vigseiel iI ’ i P . ‘ -* _ ‘ ' a ‘ , j aH PEt 7 Mi Mig Mii: t sy Pie) en ST OF is 8.2 | rey: 4 i A Pe xs d — (Y . ps : J e Sad) At FuruREe. 3 MR. PUNCH’S DISSOLVING

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PUNCH’S ALMANAOCK FOR 1888. —_———— or JANVARY. = ( FEBRVARY. MARCH. W@@ . U FAIRY TALES FOR THE FOUR SEASONS. . appearance as Joseph face. Rather shaky in part, but think I was DAYS FROM THE DIARY OF A DUFFER. |e wentiience eughed Hike anything. LETITIA says nezt time I January 1.—Resolved to make myself proficient in every variety | had play Noise Without. Letitia was Lady Teazle, and I | of manly sport, exercise, and amusement during coming year. Nothing | daresay my gag did annoy her a little. | but practice required. Will miss no opportunity for future. April.— Have been whipping a trout-stream. About as much use as 14.—Ball at Assembly Rooms. Odd how few girls seem to dance | Xerxxs’ flogging the Ocean. Fish sulky and wouldn't play. my step. Should have thought I gave them plenty of choice, too! May.—First Tennis tournament of Season. Drawn with Miss 28.—Ice bearing splendidly. Volunteered to teach LeTiT1a figure- | SHOoTER, ex-Champion. Think something must have annoyed her | skating, but cut very different figure from what I anticipated. Told | before shecame. At her request, left a good deal to her. We kept in Letitia I would show her the “‘ outside edge.” When I was getting | till nearly the finish, when unfortunately = se being so con- | up, she wanted to know whether I hadn't meant the “ spread-eagle.” | foundedly muscular) I hit ball over pali which made it “ game Afraid I did look a trifle “ spatch-cocky.” | and sett ” to them. iin Boot o enol tonneau February 1.—Frost still severe. Am staying with friend in country,| Jwne.—Up the river. Rowed half a mile—when LeriT14 and the who promises me a mount, if a meet comes off while I am here. | others said had better steer. If people won’t look after their oars, 7.—Thaw. Meet does come off. Sodol. Walk home. |they can't be surprised if they smash against poste! LETITIA | March 1.—Amateur performance of School for Scandal. My first | wouldn't speak to me all sway hen Pangbourne to Paddington !

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| D> at ), ge, Fe ee ZY Y ~~ ZAIN — SS . Ss S JACK &" THE BEANSTALK: FAIRY TALES FOR oe ate Dr THE FOUR SEASONS. a July 14.—Played for my Department in Cricket Match. Went in last, and carried bat out—that is, they carried it out with me, on the hurdle. No idea the bowling was so terrific nowadays. Must practise slogging, with tennis-balls. _ August 11.—On Yorkshire Moors: grouse-shooting. Find my eye is not what it was—nor, I fear, is the Keeper's. What did the man want? I apologised / 20.—At Zermatt. Much complimented on my mountaineering aig 30.— Somehow, I don’t get up very high. Well, well, I can do seme climbing next year. peaks won't run away. And (as the people at Hotel are beginning to be rude and chaff me) I think I sha. September.—Back in ee Had a day at the Partridges. Other men in party uncommonly civil and polite—insisted on my going | first! In capital form—conversationally ; told them lots of anecdotes --only my gun ould go off in the middle and spoil the points ! October. —Pheasants, We shot over dogs ; at least, Idid—one. Not a beast worth making such a fuss about, J should have thought— he ‘ll be all right in a month or two. November 4.—Going down to stay in country on visit. (N.B.—Take down masks to amuse children—they ‘ll go into fits when they see me dressed up !) 5.—They did go into fits. Host tells me of early train to town. December 31.—Had to take LetrTI14 and her little sisters to Drury Lane to see Pantomime. Found I had mistaken date on tickets. No seate—except in Pit, “ standing room only,” there. Children crying, the little nuisances, because couldn't see anything but backs! Letitia fainted. Took her home with as many of her little sisters as I could find. Letrria’s Mother says she finds I am not to be trusted, and I had better ‘‘ consider engagement at an end.” Too bad | —because all the children turned up in a day or two, just as I said they would. But I don't be more reckless in field-sports than ever this year—now I have no one but myself to consider !

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! if 1 hit at / “GREAT EXPECTATIONS”! ungest Daughter). “On, Pa’ DRAR, WHAT DID Geo——WHAT DID younc Mr. Brown want?” net, MY Love. ‘WISHED TO SPEAK TO ME PRIVATELY !” Pa’. BUT DO TELL ME—CAUSE BE WAS SO VERY ATTENTIVE TO ME BEFORE YOU CAME IN—AND THFN A®KED ME TO 7 din a whisper\—“‘ ae 'D Lert His Prrsk AT THE OFFICE, AND WANTED TO |! w Eici PENCE TO VORKHOUSE GUY, wet , here last G I kes Day us to take m wth away The prisn’ ell I e k if rogue e represents) it made me puff and Liow, my face to burn, Was the owdacious lea my eyes to stare [my air. contents. And on my ed all over for to dual on end “ Sir, J got information, days afo: that e Was a preparin’ that there Guy for the ridi- cule of Me! A pauper inmate of St. Luke’s in Chelsea, charyed with cheek Uneard of, was at Westininster ad up before S the Beak. (defy, “TI know'd wot was a goin’ on, know’d on it & The Master of the Workus e ad dared for to days. yer know. {go, ¥ So as to make a effigy to burn im in,a Guy. | All that wile I was up to im, and on I let it | The Labour-Master watched im from the Accordingly I laid in wait meanwhile, and 3 dormitory steal, [conceal. took my aim, The Guy conweyin in is and that hobject to I let im finish it, Sir,—let im end is littie § A fixin of it gainst a pile of faggots wen e seed, game. The witness e was down on im, and cotch'd im in the deed. “ Well,” sed the Beak—a norful crime e took uncommon a “A Guy Fawkes in the Workus!” says the Magistrate, “ Sitch public men as you don’t mind a little ridicule. “ How was it as you come to know of that conspiracee !” ‘Tis ony wot their character is able to afford, Witness replied e'd eared about the plot the prewious day, Youd better bring this serious charge afore the Guardians’ To bring the Master in contempt, on which is plans e lay. board.” The pris’ner wen e took e then the Master brought afore. “The Guy, too,” said the Beak, “thought you it any like- ness bore’ ” “ As nigh as possible "—no fan the witness meant to poke. The Beak observed, “I spose the Master thought it a bad | joke , | There warn't no evidence, e sed—a speech I don't admire— | The pris’ner guilty of intent the hefligy to fire. | The Master was too sensible « man, e dared to say, | To mind about a effigy made up on Guy Fawkes Day. Wot lenity, and clemency and levity mistook, To let that himpious pauper off wen e was brought to book ! Im as dared bring the Master of the Workus into scorn Should have got penial servitude as sure as 6 was born. If I was Gov'nor Gen’ral of all Unions, I ’d command This notice on the door of ev’ry Workus in the land, By way of information to all paupers as come near— “Give over all ideers of fun, all you as henters ere.”

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fil let iseeesiiti ly qeeee ait: Aadiins ° ae “tn i ) unt ‘i ‘ le» { } Y. Que «hl, 2 (hi 1 ing Mh, "he A a). | h/ MR. PUNCH’S DISSOLVING

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Ae Oe woe. on np NS clara? PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1888. ———SS=—=—S ~ = WHAT OUR ARTIST HAS TO PUT UP WITH.—(The Anti-Beauty Crusade in Modern Art Criticism.) Eminent Art Critic. “‘Yus, w¥ vrouna Frrenp—as I HAVE OFTEN SAID IN PRINT—YOU, IN COMMON WITH ALL THE MopERN ENGLISH Scnoot or FemaLe Ficvure PAINTERS, ARE DEPRAVED BY A MORBID AND INANE LOVE OF PRETTINESS, TO THE EXCLUSION OF ALL THE STERNZR QUALITIES OF CHARACTER, REALITY, Trvra 10 NATuRE—A—a- $y THE WAY, HERE COME MY WIFE AND DAUGHTERS, WHO SHARE MY Views. _L ET ME INTRODUCE YOU. [Our - Artist unde rstands th the J Eminent ( ‘ritic’ 8 point of vie w, and Sorgives him. . YJ . HIM AA 5 ~~ AY ies W 4 4 AP ; holt y i} Hy Aha 9 aN } Nf ites \ Ve A TOO FAIR ONE. . “T pectarr, Miss ANGELINA, YOU TREAT ME WORSE THAN your Doc!” . “On, Ma. pe Mocyns, How CAN you sA¥Y sO? I’m surge I NEVER MAKE THE S.ulcHTEst DIFFERENCE BETWEEN You!”

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~ PUNCH’S ALM / ers s\ i UP rr cea LI oo Hf = ‘g oa i) rh, A akan } bus ae Nn | vip? Wi y ihe cr ih alg l THE “MASKE ” OF MOMUS J

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LM mr ‘m aul) | iy ” Us A NEW-YEAR’S ' | = & j // / Pa Wasi y WU Lom Wy pi pt If LS; \ i! A Vy YS — msrertetestertt: ; : q ng, WHHL sett ie L = fic eal kee iy ih \CK FOR 1888. (Decem er 5, 1887 wily fy, ah NOG been ' Bu 4 ] i v A 4 ' rh / i) \" ‘ : M ie fish Pre me i , (Vs fis { “REVEL.”

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December 8, 1#87.] PUNCH’S. ALMANACK FOR 1888. ao i _ e,. we. 9 ~ — A PROTEST. Eastern Counties Rustic (to the New Incumbent), “Bea ¥’ PARDON, SIR—BUT BE YEAOU A GOIN’ TO FARM YAR Guape, Sir? 'Cavse AS HOW—THA’S THE ’ARLIEST AN’ FORRUDEST BIT 0’ LAND I’ THE WHOL’ PARISH—AN’ OUR LAST PARSON, HE USED TO GET IN HIS HAYE—THEN HE CLAP ON THE PRAYER FOR RAIN !——AwN’ wHerE wor Wre'!?” l MASTER TOMMY’S | HOUSEHOLD RECEIPTS. | How to put ink-spots on | to Light Blue Satin Pur- | niture.— Select a morning | when the chintz coverings | are removed from the draw- ing-room in preparation for an evening party, and hav- ing provided yourself with a cricket-bat and half-a- dozen sixpenny bottles of Blue-black Ink, enter the apartment in company with the page. Now taking a good central position, get him to bowl to you with the bottles. With steady hard-hitting in all direc- tions you will scarcely fail to break each in succession, and will find, on disposing of the sixth, that you have so freely scattered their contents about the room | that you may count on having effectually put ink- spots on all the light blue satin furniture it contains. WHAT Roman Poet may be supposed from his name to be of Hebrew origin, and not a good specimen of the} race ? The Poet Jew-VENAL. | shes oF PAscat.’ Ingenuous Youth. “Mav! ” Fair Girtonite. “* A—THANKS ; BUT I HAVE PROVIDED MYSELF WITH THE ‘ PEN- MASTER TOMMY’S HOUSEHOLD RECEIPTS. How to produce a Nut- | brown Uncle.—All you re- | quire for this experiment is an Uncle on a visit and a Shower-bath. Having pur- chased a two-shilling bottle of Condy’s Fluid, proceed to his bed-room over-night, and getting on achair care- | fully empty the contents of this into the top of the bath. In the morning when your Uncle gets into it and pulls the string, he will _ himself drenched in a purple shower that “i instantly darken and discolour his skin. As the stain is almost indelible and extremely difficult to get out, you may count practi- | cally on possessing for a fortnight at least a Nut brown Uncle. Tue Fruit best fitted for “Chameleon's food ” must evidently be “Currents of Air.” | | $1. VALENTINE AT Sr ?” |Srepuen’s.—In Angust Members of Parliament | begin to pair. CULTCHAH ! s—orrer you Happy Tsovenrs, rrom Puxcn

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PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1888. 8 DISSOLVING VIEWS.

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PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1888. JULY. AVGUST. ir ) ¢ SEPTEMBER, HM athe \ t 9), FAIRY TALES FOR THE FOUR SEASONS. : . Premature entrance of senior boy into public life at a Government HARD TIMES CALENDAR. Office. Question of the Month, ‘‘ What ‘s to be done next?” April.— Arrival of Easter holidays and school bills. Grand giving | July.—Visit to sarcastic bachelor Uncle who doesn’t mind telling up of holdings by tenants of your house property. Failure of Chancery | you, “ that he hasn't liked any of you, and that you only came to see | suit. General depression. Abortive attempt at retrenchment. Conupn- | him when no one else would haveyou.” Further pecuniary embarrass- drum propounded by wife of your bosom, “How can self and the | ment caused by expiry of bills of one sort and commencement of children look like Christians on five pounds a quarter for one’s | bills of another kind. Question of your wife, “ How can we get on clothes ?” | until September, when the Dividends will be paid?” May.—Time for maturing promissory notes. Disastrous conclusion | August.—Last days of the legal term celebrated by the remainder of of attempted Stock Exchange “ Flutter.” Suddenly undertaken visit | your property being thrown into Chancery. First introduction to a to Southend. | new Chief Clerk, whom you will have the pleasure of either seeing or June.—End of time allowed for satisfaction of County Court | hearing about weekly, sometimes daily, for the next five years, summonses. Peremptory demand for Queen’s taxes. Application | September.—Second visit to sarcastic bachelor Uncle of yourself and for contributions to the Mansion House fund for the assistance of | domestic party, in the characters of unwelcome guests. More appeals | Unemployed. Departure of eldest girls to stay at a spinster Aunt’s. | for support from Committees interested in ameliorating the condition t

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— PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1888. ge eae EMBER: SCEMSER- SAN wk Wy -PUSS IN Boors. FAIRY TALES FOR THE FOUR SEASONS. o ing- : : a he Cee ee: Rents ane "ha me SHAKSPEARE ON BLACKHEATH. October.—Final disruption of family relations, Departure of girls I saw young ‘Arry with his billycock on, for governesses, and boys for clerkships at sixteen shillings a week in Checked trousers on his thighs, with knobbed stick armed, the City. Law-copying performed with some accuracy and consider- Climb from the ground like fat pig up a pole, able despatch by yourself. Question of wife of one’s bosom, °> And flop with such sore toil into his sadd. needlework obtainable, and do you think one would get paid for it ?”’ As though a bran-bag dropped down from the clouds, November.—Failure of Bank, “further consideration” of original To turn snd wind a slow “ Jerusalem,” Chancery suit, and sale of house and furniture. And shock the world with clumsy assmanship. oe, omnis in cheap lodgings at Dinan. General wish —‘‘ May we all have a Happy New Year !"” Tus Micx op Human Kixpwess.—Milk Punch. Opzn To Convicrion.—A Prisoner at the Bar. Never Too Late To Mewp.—My Boots. —

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ae RES th « A ae en sgeae:* ms | mers, MASTER TOMMY'S HOUSEHOLD RECEIPTS. How to extemporise a perfect “ Check " action inadrawing-rem Grand Piano. — Selecting the morning of a day on which your parents have prepared to give a‘‘ little music,” at which a pro- fessional player is ex- pected to perform in the evening, choose a con- venient moment, and having opened the in- strument jump into it in a thick pair of boots and dance a vigorous can-can for a quarter of an hour Having done this to your satisfaction, procure the meat-chopper from the kitchen and hack away for five and twenty min- utes more at the ham- Now close the piano. In the evening on the professional player | sitting down to the in-| strument he will find, to | | his surprise, that not a single note answers to his touch, and abandon- ing ail effort to produce | any sound from it what- | ever, as hopeless, will | admit that he never yet I mean You SAY IN ALL THE Fre NoH SHors, WHEN THEY HAVEN’T GOT WHAT YOU WANT | the tea-tray, and falling Mrs, B. ‘‘Ou, rv onLY MEANS ‘J?’s OF WO Conss- | over therug intothe fire- Bur I DARE 8AY | meee effectually break met with a piano pro- vided with such a com- plete “check ” action. ——— A J AS L pp - “ithe des A ‘COMBINATION or DISAGREEABLES. 1 | OM ROT ATH ae oe i oe t Saves Monpay Mornine—East Wind AND RAIN—AND THE Cire ‘Bus FULL IxsiDE AND O AND Our. Mn SN), 1 afl ALLOPATMES "4 sous aru! I, | ae alae h > = Via bjgus at volte £ he A CHOICE OF IDIOMS. — MASTER TOMMY’S HOUSEHOLD RECEIPTS. Flow to Break the best China Tea-Service.— This is a pretty experi- ment, and may becarried out as follows :— Having selected an afternoon on which your Mother re- ceives visitors at five | o’clock tea, provide your- |self with a stout piece of copper wire, at one end of which you have | fashioned a lasso fur- | | nished with a common | | slip-knot, and take up |your position on the | landing just outside the | |drawing-room door. | Now waittheappearance |of Joun THOMAS with | the larger silver tray | containing tea poured | out in cups of the best | china service, and, as he | crosses the threshold, | dexterously whip the | lassoround his right leg. | When he has proceeded | sufficiently far into the |room to make the fall effective, jerk the wire suddenly, when he will | be instantly shot for- Mr. Brown. “1 say, MARIA, WHAT'S THE MEANING OF ‘SARNER PAIRY HANG,’ WHITH | ward on to his face with —WHICH THEY NEVER HAVE?” quence.” Mr. B. “‘How opp! Now J atways say ‘ Nuwrorr’/ IT COMES TO THE SAME IN THE END.” the best. china tea-service. |

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PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1888. MASTER TOMMY’S A COMBINATION OF AGREEABLES. SAY, TO HURLINGHAM AND BACK, OR ANYWHERE YOU LIKE, SatvurpDAY AFTERNOON—WEsT WiND AND SuNSHINE—Room FoR ONE, HOUSEHOLD RECEIPTS. How to stop the Drawing- room Clock, — There are many ways of doing this, It may be effected by boil- ing it, winding it up the wrong way, taking it to pieces and washing it in| soap and water, or removing | the main-spring. But per- haps the most effective | way is to have recourse to liquid glue. A sixpenny | bottle of this composition | poured slowly in at the top | and allowed to permeate | the works in every part, | will be found most effica- cious. As it rapidly hardens | and cannot practically be eliminated from the me- chanism without subjecting every portion of it to a red heat, it may be safely relied on as @ safe and effective medium for permanently stopping the drawing-room clock. AcTION FoR DAMAGES. —Sikes v. Smith.—Suit sus- tained by Plaintiff for inju- ries received by cutting hands with broken teas bottles in climbing over | Defendant's garden wall, | | and being bitten on “sf ot under proper control. | Ee mises by a savage dog D THE UBIQUITOUS. Alf. “Utto, ’ARrRY ‘Ow DID You comME Down?” MASTER TOMMY'S HOUSEHOLD RECEIPTS, How to surprise Grand- . — Purchase at the nearest Firework Manufac- tory an eighteen - penny Maroon. Now get Grand- papa’s bed-candle and hav- ing carefully scooped out the inside to within an inch of the top, fill it with the contents of the Maroon that you have removed for the purpose, and replace it in the candlestick, On the hour arriving for him to | retire to rest, light the candle for Grandpapa and see him to his room. In a | “7 few minutesthe candle ill blow up with a loud | explosion that will shatter | the windows and looking glass, shiver the crockery in the room, and set fir to the bed-curtains. On realising what has hap pened, Grandpapa will not fail to express his surprise Domestic Biiss.—(From | a Pessimist’s point of view.) Additions to : — Children Thrush, Measles, Hooping Cough. Vaccination — or Smallpox, Scarlatina Diphtheria. Doctors’ Bills Additional Billa of ever) ’Arry. *’Ow? Tuinv- | kind — more billing ther | Ciass Ticker—Seconp-Ciass Carriage—an’ Fys’-Ciass Co’rp sy! Yan-na-na!!” | cooing. Education ! |

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(December 8, 1887. Polish YER——” **Orran YER Winper, Str?! “Suixe yer Boors, Sir? ppalled by scowl through His GRACE CAN STAND IT NO LONGER, AND TAKES A SNUG LITTLE Rerait Busmxess BeaoLp HIM FITTING mis Son-1x-LAW WITH A PAIR OF Patent Leataer Pumps (AT COST PRICE, YOU MAY BE SURE) ! | IN TaE BYRLINGTON ARCADE. $MY RIVERSIDE ADWENTUR. 4 Trew Fact - 7-7 = aaelaaaias ( rew 4 Ollidey ) on I was setting one day in the shade, In the butifull The tears filled her butifull eyes, And run down her butifull nose, And I thort it was not werry wise To let them thus spile her nice close, So I said to her, lowly and gently, “Shall I elp you, O fair lovely gal ?” And she ansered, “ O dear Mr. BENTLEY, If you thinks as you can, why you shall.” And her butifull eyes shone like dimans, As britely each gleamed thro a tear, And her smile it was jest like a dry man’s When he ’s quenching histhirst with sum beer. Why she called me at wunce Mr. BENTLEY, I sort quite in wain to dishcover ; Or weather ’twas dun accidently, Or if she took me for some other. I then set to work most discrvetly, And packed all the eggs with grate care ; And I did it so nicely and neatly, That I saw that my skili made her stare. So wen all my tarsk was quite ended, She held out her two lilly han And shook mine, and thank’d me, and wended Her way from the River’s brite sands. And from that day to this tho I've stayed, I've entirely failed to diskever The name of that brite Dairy-Maid As broke thirteen eggs by the River. ROBERT. MASTER TOMMY'S HOUSEHOLD RECEIPTS. The Humorous Ancestors.—To produce these most effectively it is desirable to be sta: in a country house containing a handsome of hereditary portraits, though in their absence, a few valuable family pictures would serve your purpose equally well. Having provided yourself with two tins containing respectively white and vermilion quickly drying enamel paint, proceed to bedizen the featuree of each portrait in suc- cession after the fashion of clown in a Christmas pantomime. When a whole gallery containing several generations of a family are thus treated, the effect is extremely quaint, and your host probably convulsed with laughter, will be the first to admit that “he did not know he was descended from such a set of humorous ancestors | ” SONG OF THE PAIRING SEASON. (A Ditty on Valentine's Day.) WHEN *earts and hands together With health and wealth combine, Wedlock 's like bright Spring weather, While early days are fine. But when, with attended, The honeymoon is spent, The Carnival is ended ; And then there follows Lent. SuacesTIve Adrertisement for Somebody's Ain't-I-fat or Antifat Mixture :—“Great ro duction on taking a Quantity.”

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PUNCH’S ALMANAOK FOR 1888. jae wy { i a ge oe MR. PUNCH’S DISSOLVING VIEWS.

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| hr A Pam » i

en Beis | =

* a te ‘es dy’ 7 ee aes a od ants yoo Gi? ga hs Balan ABR + rine ts *

| the dining-room, | on sitting down simul MASTER TOMMY'S HOUSEHOLD RECEIPTS, The Astonished Din- ner- (uests.— These may be produeed in the sub- joined manner : — The dinner-table being laid and the chairs placed in position, enter the room unobserved with a hand- saw. Now proceed to saw through the back legs of every chair in succession, leaving them so slenderly attached that on the slightest pressure they will give way. On dinner being announced, the eighteen guests will assemble in and, taneously,—all the back legs of their chairs coming suddenly off to- gether,—will be precipi- tated backwards in wild confusion Whilst struggling to extricate themselves from their | quite unexpected situa- tion, they will not fail to express their astonish- ment at their position. He. “*Acu! now BRETTY ARE zose Creen LEAFs on your Cown!” She. ‘SO GLAD YOU ADMIRE THEM. IT’S AN IDEA OF MY OWN.” He. ** KVITe SCHAREKMING ! ZEY REMIND VON OF IFY CLINGING RouNT AN OLT RuIn! Rm. (477) - iI a ™ \ wy) is [~~

“ Waar, Mauna! Wire or prar Otp Bos REMEMBER SHE HASN'T AN J/&IRESS, AND SHE

__PUN ‘CH’S ALMANAC K FOR 1888. {December 6, 1987.

= \ ) tH] 7 aan } — ZINGS VON VOOT RAHZER HAF LEFT OONZET. ae - -* Ul’ ssl | ” GOT A Sovu—ARND, 8s 06

ll ] ' PRESENTS. Turery Griveas For A Presext TO BarBARA GoLpmMore, MARRY A MAN WE NEVER SAW! AND ONLY A Guinga Fan To Mary Morison, ‘“*My Love, WE MUST BE susr/ AFTER ALL,

DEAR Otp Bop ’s OnLy ING TO MARRY A BARONET witH Tew THovsanp A Year!” } POETRY OF BREACH / OF PROMISE. » My GWENDOLINE, be- trothed to me, Permit me to resign thy hand ; But if thou wilt not set me free, To my engagement I will stand. |The damages thou mightst obtain For Breach of Pro- mise shouldst thou sue, I could not pay. Mere words were vain. Oh, then, accept my fond adieu !

, —- ¥ | "f 2 *y <I Al] “ aru ig a \\ ti oe xy WAN ft ii re if , My, WI Wij, Ly

(JUSTICE BEFORE GENEROSITY.) WHOM WE SCARCELY KNOW, AXD WHO’S GOING TO ONE OF OUR OLDEST FRIENDS !—AND GOING TO BE THE Mary Mosison 1s A sweet, coop Girt, I ApMIT, BUT You MUST A PooR CounTRY CURATE ; WHEREAS Miss GoLDMORE ’s

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December 8, 1887.J PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1888. HOW TO AVOID THE INJURIOUS EFFECTS OF STIMULANTS. HE present of living —partaking of too rich foods, as pastry, sugar, s , and fatty pod Doan omy lic drinks, and an in- sufficient amount of exercise —frequently deranges the liver. 1 would advise all bilious ple, unless they are wl ry keep the liver acting freely, to exercise t care in the use of alco- drinks, avoid sugar, syrups, and always dilute largely with water. Expe- rience shows that porter, mild ales, port wine, dark sherries, sweet champagne, liqueurs, and brandies, are all very apt to disagree ; while light white wines, and in or old whisky largely di- fated with soda-water, will be found the least objection- able. When taken together, ‘Ss “FRUIT MOTO,” will be found peculiarly adapted for any constitutional weakess of the liver ; they possess the power of re tion when digestion has n disturbed or lost, and place the invalid on the right track to health A world of woes is avoided by those who keep and use ENO’S “ FRUIT SALT” and ENO’S “‘ VEGET. LE MOTO,” therefore no family should ever be without them. s“ ” ENO’S “VEGETABLE MOTO. T° AID NATURE without force or strain, ue ENO’S ‘‘ VEGETABLE MOTO” (a simple Vegetable Extract), a desirable adjunct to ENO’S “‘ FRUIT SALT.” Vhey perform their work ‘‘ silently as the twilight comes when the day is done,” and the patient much astonished to find his bilious attack, &c., has completely fled before the simple and iral onslaught of the Moto. You cannot overstate their great value in keeping the Blood ire and preventing disease. NO’S “VEGETABLE MOTO.” —This is as simple and natural in its action as tomato, yet as superior to mineral or vegetable mercury (Podophyllin) as vaseline and gly- i¢ are to the ordinary greasy compounds. It is a pure vegetable extract, simple, natural, ertain hepatic (liver) stimulant, or as a laxative, stomachic, blood, brain, nerve, bile, or r tonic. It will be found invaluable for creating and sustaining a natural action of the iach, bowels, and biliary secretions, &c. A GENTLE AND CORRECTIVE ACTION.—“ My pear Sin,—I have taken many antidotes during my life to cause an action on the bowels, but the general effect of ur ‘ Vegetable Moto’ is happier in more ways than one ; I find them gentle and corrective in r action, and in some mysterious way helpful alike to the stomach and liver. I like to have em always at hand.—Yours, N. B. C., Strand, W.C., Sept. 13, 1886.” Eno’s “ Vegetable Moto,” of all Chemists, price 1s. 1jd.; post free, 18, 3d. ENO’S “FRUIT SAI.T” WORKS, Pomeroy Street, New Cross Road, London, S.E. “As a man sows, so will he also reap.” Saline Aperi 8 invaluable. blood poisons skin eruptions, pimples on the fi i i lace, want of appetite, sourness of stomach, & lee 3) " , " Use ENO’S “ FRUIT SALT.” It is pleasant, cooling, health-giving, refreshing aeoaaap You cannot overstate its great value in keeping the blood pure and free {ros disease. A CONTINENTAL TRAVELLER WRITES :—“ Dear Sin, Being in the habit of travelling twice a year on the Contineet for some years past, I have found so great beneat from the use of your ‘Saut,’ that I return in perfect healt due, I am convinced, to the fact that I never travel without the ‘Satt,’ and I have many of my friends to do likewise. We are, therefore, never without a bottle. yours, TRUTH. Warwickshire, Nov, 1.” HEADACHE AND DISORDERED STOMACH.—* After suffer "AND ENO'S ** Dear Sre,—I desire to state the advant which I, and derived from ENO it on board ship in tropical latitudes, and both there and here | can most honestly bear witness to the fact that its use has warded off fever over and over again. When taken in time it As far as | am aware it is most popular in thi part of North-Eastern Asiatic India, and I consider that you are distinctly entitled to this testimonial from me. | need not add it is wholly unrequested, from my extreme individual inconvenience arising from publicity, I do not wish my name to appear, and merely subscribe mysel| most truly yours, Pf “J. C. ENO.” 66 GLEEPLESSN&SS, FEVERISHNESS, HOT WEATHER.”’ —Late hours, fagged, unnatural excitement, breathing impure air, and feverish co! “FRUIT SALT.” “Diteprvcnar, Urrer Assam, Inpta, March 6, 1880. I do not dovbe many others in this of the world, have | S ‘FRUIT SALT.’ Unlike othe it is not lowering in its action. I have use: I enclose my card, but ‘A PLANTER.'” Paitht ‘ aithfully ing for nearly two and a half years from severe headache and disordered stomach, a: after trying almost everything, and spending much money without finding any benefit, | was | recommended by a friend to try your Peorr Sarr, and before I had finished one bottle I found | it doing me a great deal of good, and now I am restored to my usual health ; and others I know that have tried it have not enjoyed such ge health for years,—Yours most truly, ROBER'! HUMPHREYS. Post Office, Barrasfor ‘( PHYSICAL AND MENTAL TOIL.” — “I am working from between six and seven in the morning until ten and eleven, and very often twelv o'clock at night the year round, and on a Sunday mornin; o'clock, but I am glad that it is a day of rest. spoonfuls of your Fruit Salt about half an hour before breakfast, and after breakfast it h removed the load from my head, and I feel ‘like a years I have received much benefit from your Fruit Salt. , A Son or Toww.—March, 1885.—Mr. J. C. Eno.” PERSO-AFGHAN FRONTIER.—One of Her Majesty’s Consuls writes “It may interest you to know that while riding from Teheran to Meshed l, to my astonishment and delight the Persian courier who accompanied me produced a bottle of what he called Numuki meeveh, which was no less in fact The man told me that he now never trav without a bottle.—Yours faithfully, Sueixa Jam.—December, 1884.—To J. C. Eno, Esq.” Yours, &« from Teheran : not long ago, being one day rather unwe NO’'S ‘FRUIT SALT.’ translated than CA UTION. — Examine each Bottle “and see the Capsule is marked Without it you have been imposed upon by a worthless imitation, Sold by all Chemists, Prepared only at ENO'S “FRUIT SALT” WORKS, Pomeroy St., New Cross Road, LONDON, S.E. ENO’S “FRUIT SALT.” I wake up as usual a little after y head feels large and heavy. I take two tea jant refreshed with wine.’ For some I have recommended it to many JOSEPH GILLOTT’S STEEL PENS. GOLD MEDAL, PARIS, 1878. Made entirely of Coir, Without Dye or Bleach. Made any Size or Shape. With Names, Morross, Monocrams or Crests. ELEVEN PRIZE MEDALS awarded for FiJl FIBRE MATS. TRELOAR & SONS, 68, 69, & 70, LTudgate Hill, B.C. every flower that %9 Mente 0 feagvence. SWEET SCENTS LOXOTIS OPOPONAX \ FRANGIPANNI | PSIDIUM / \ » May be obtained eo > Of any Chemist or Sm _ Perfumer. wy Zong gtree* MATS LIBERTY’S “GLENELG” HIGHLAND WHISKY, 44s. per dozen. COLTS DOUBLE - ACTION =” GOVERNMENT ARMY warrgicttc = ss REVOLVER partment, takes the Service ammunition COLT'S SINGLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER as adopted by the United States Government, is the Strongest and most powerful pistol made COLTS HOUSE REVOLVER, POCKET REVOLVER AND DERINGER for the Vest pocket; best quality ouly. COLT'S SHOT GUNS - AND NEW-LIGHTNING MAGAZINE RIFLES. Price List Free: COLT’S FIREARMS Co., 14, Pall Mall, London, S.W TISSOT FRERES’ CHAMPAGNES. Vintages 1880, 1883, 1884. From 57s. to 74s. per Case. LIBERTY & CO. Spring Gardens, London. -ALL~ METALS, MARBLE PAWT, CLASS, CROCKERY, CUTLERY, 1000. THINCS IN HOUSEHOLD, SHOP & FACTORY. WONT WASH CLOTHES. Sold by Grocers, tronmongers, and Chemists. [If not obtainable near you, send 4d. for One Bar, or ls. for 3 Bars, free by Post, mentioning “Punch Aima nack,” to B. BROOKE & CO., 36, York Road, King’s Cross, London. This Food should be tried wherever oth + nourishment has not proved entirely satis factory. It is already Cooked —Requires neither boiling nor straining—Is made in a "ALLEN | AND HANBURYS' INFANTS’ FOOD. A nutriment peculiarly adapted to the digestive organs of Infants and Young Children, supplying all that is required for the formation of firm flesh and bone. Sur prisingly beneficial results have attended the use of this Food, which needs only to be tried to be permanently adopted. Furi Directions witu gacn Tin. Price 62., \s., 2s., 6s, & 10s.,Everywhere. Awarded GOLD MEDALS & DISTINETIONS | FOR MERIT at the , Colonial, and Continental Exhibitions of 1862, 1867, 1869, 1870, 1876, 1877, 1878, 1880, 1881, 1862, 1883, 1864, and'1886. RINSMEAD ero PIANOS For Sale for Hire and on the Three Years . Prices from 36 Guineas Every P Guaranteed for Five Years. Illustrated Lists Free. SOLD BY THE PRINCIPAL MUSIC-SELLER | JOHN BRINSMEAD & SONS, 18, 20, & 22, WIGMORE ST., LONDON, W. |

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nev es taste PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1888. [December 8, 182 33 PRIZE MEDALS AWARDED TO THE FIRM. Fry s Cocoa A PURE CONCENTRATED SOLUBLE COCOA. Sir Chastes A. Cameron, 0.D,.— I have Cocoa that I like so well. It ially “adapted to those whose digestive wgans are weak, and I strongly recommend it | food. Wt be the drink par sscellonce for children, as a substitute for tea for young persons.” in making.” very rich, W. H. BR. Stanley, B.D. —“ me FS It is highly con- I consider it a| and gives no trouble in al as a family Dr. Nicholas C. Whyte, Coroner for the City | E. Bucknill, M.D., M.R.0.8.— Your Pure of Dublin.—“ There are innumerable varieties | Concentrated Cocoa is so extremely nice that of Cocoa, but to my mind incomparably the best is Fry's Pure Concentrated Cocoa.” hee eee Leo oe rtainly recommend it to my patients.” Ask your Grocer for a Sample, gratis, and Copy of Medical Testimonials. J. S. FRY & SONS, BRISTOL, LONDON, & SYDNEY, N.S.W. y i ee Pa e. . Gi RN er 2c y Dey 7 _& ot Ee ss, a } iY Wy i v4 4 4a ' a ij 4 ma.) ——> eae PERFUME, pari ROWLANDS ODON ue A PURE NON-GRITTY TOOTH WHITENS THE TEETH, PREVENTS DECAY, GIVES PLEASING FRAGRANCE TO THE BREATH. Ask anywhere for ROWLANDS'’ ODONTO 20, HATTON GARDEN, LONDON, and avoid spurious imitations. sound and white. The RED ——— UTION.—To guard ne fete see that each Labe bears the name o/ WILCOX & CO., 239, Oxford St., London.” fom ech the her byt YELLOW, GREEN, 1 Le 13 Sct ahd ba BORE ko Toothache. a TEETH EAU Dl DE ye SUES (GREEN), wee as ny foe for ever the return oe lecay, preserves the teeth fmry as the Green, Ly especially adapted ~ removal of tartar an children’s use. § for the removal whitening the teeth. suse 5 St toe BRUSH is made of the finest badger hair. Free b oy Parcel Post from WILC & CO., 239, Oxrorp St., Lonpon ; and through any Chemist. CAR =, Red, 3s. ; Paste, 4s. 6d.; Brush, rs. 6d. CAUTION.—To guard inst fraudulent imitations, see that each Box bears the name o ¥y “ Wilcox & Co., 239, Oxford Street, London. One of these C gives immediate relief in the ASTHMA ath D OF a een ak sii am’s * Pod White ining the eee cosas notenan and Prevents all yeerine and PRESERVES theS ae e | i Frost, t, Cold ko my and wast Water, eeveumUer hal Uathiied ape er Dancing or iting Heated Coline ond and Re freoking. A ow Bottles, 1s. and Qs. 64. of all Chemists and Perfumers. Free for 34. extra, by the Sole Makers. M. BEETHAM & SON, Chemists, CHELTENHAM. Possessing all the properties of the Finest Arrowroot. |BRown x Potson’s CORN FLOUR IS A WORLD-WIDE NECESSARY FOR The NURSERY, the SICK ROOM, and the FAMILY TABLE. NOTE.— Purchasers of Corn Flour should insist on being supplied with Brown & Polson’s. It és dis- tinguished for uniformly superior quality. PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. \ X : i . way, in the Paris the County of Middlese amting Offess of Mess Bradburn i, Santee,

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—t J From The Times.—“ There can be no better book for a \ Mr. Pune h S Vol, I, drawing-room table to suggest subjects of talk than Mr. Punch's 31]? Cartoons. Victorian Era. lt would be hard to surpass the pregnant L ' humour of the more famous of the political Cartoons, They put Kt OF] all la 13 16 the points on all the critical periods of our Parliamentary history, 8 and indicate in effective outline the action of political celebrities.” - sabes stant MTG i “SON3d SSYHL BO1ua Y N° 2426. VOLUME be | PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. THE NINETY-FOURTH. ELL e = ; ail o SACRE came JANUARY 7, | ep a ERED SE are ae oe a aT y GVRP TTS EO iy) 6° {jill ee ii em Le. Lee | NS ay : scat TA TIII| ; WH Ms ah Ss tas LADO yg ON : ~ )’ rd ives QU ee a hl : ; PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, Nan 1h 1A By hy q S AND S0LP FV ALL BOOKASELLERA. o- / a Beckett's Furniss John Leech § 900 Pages. //lustrations, 3 Vols, 10/6 ea. _| Comic Blackstone 12% | Pictures, 1 voi, 29 Se ea oa Ore :

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Jawvary 7, 1883.

Gr PARENTS WI'Lt BE INTERESTED TO LEARN THAT LITTLE FOLKS he te be ENLARGED without Inerease of There wii © MORE PAGES vO TURES, ont y+ STORIES in each P Order the JANUARY FART priveéd ide the ENLARGED s ERIKS

Gold Medal, ARE: Paris, 1878. JOSEPH GILLOTT’S STEEL PENS

The Pirst Part of a Now and Balarged Geriss of LITTLE FOLKS, deing the ae wang PART, price 64., contains >-— A the ‘sah New Special Prize Com- ‘ LSenn petitions. “nigne ae ' os for Very Little es ol, _ The Obstimate he’ ‘The © Little Folks * Post & by Mee. Mole Office. worth Lanacelot's I weive Outline Draw- Maric. * Pletere mm Wanting vores y's Dilemmas: How "BY “eat me xen herial ora By the Author of “Mr Burke's orp, Tatas The White Girl of the 7 "| Author of “ | ~waed an The Editers Pocket the Boys,” Book. Itiustrated Alvo Numerous Large sed Small Pictures , Poems Littie Khymes for Littie Menderes; Anecdote: and Jottings , Picture ac other Puzzles; of all kinds “ Bveryone cought to know by this time that Terrie Fotms bs the best magasinue for children. '— Gaesrnn. CASSELL & COMPANY. Leurres, Ludgate Hill, London aod S.ories S. & H. HARRISS HARNESS COMPOSITION Warearncor). SADDLE PASTE Warenrneor ) EBONITE BLACKING (Warearncor), For Bot«, Shocs, Horness, and all Back | eather Articies POLISHING PASTE. For Cigisiw@ Merate axp Gtase Geld ty all Saddiers, Grocers, and Ironmongers. Mancfactery: 67, MANSELL STREZT, LONDON, B.

THE MAT MATRIMONIAL HERALO AND E GAZETTE is scleral and ror? Sen tes for Hign-\ Intreductions, The i * ond most opens Matrimonial Agency in Word. Priee 34.; envelope, 444 =e - Editor, @, Lamb's Conduit * treet, London, WC TO STOUT PEOPLE. Scxper Times saye:—* Mr. Russell's aim is to ERaDicaTs, to cune the disease, and that his treat- ment is the true one seems beyond all doubt. The modicine he prescribes pors wot LOWER, BUT BrILDs CF AvP TONES THE eveTEex.” Hook (116 pages) with =a

recipe and notes how to pleasantly and rapidly cure Owesrry (average reduction im first week is J ibe.), ost free 6 stam ps. NOTICE. — in reply to numerous inquiries, Mr. F. C. Rossrce + ntirely discredits any so-called hiectropathic Cure for Obesity ¥. C. RUSSELL, Woburn House, Store Street, Bedford Square, London, W.6.

IMPORTANT TO PUBLIC RECITERS, &e Just published, crown Ovo, é:. 6d MORE T. LEAVES: A Coliection of Pieces for Public Reading. By EDWARD F. TU ANER, Author of “ Tentier’s Sister,” “ T. Leaves,’ &c London: Gurrn, Ei9ce, & Co., 16, Waterion Pisce THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY ESTABLISHED 1825. Accumulated Fund, 64 Millions Stg. READERS,

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MAPPIN & WEBB'S SPOONS & FORKS

ARBENZ’ ‘MANDARIN’ RAZOR, The best, most rae ¢, and easiest shaver in the worl’, TEDDY WICK, the Champion Barber of the world, writes :— “ The ‘ Mandarin’ Razor alwars kept me to the front 4 thee» — on,and you mry be proud of my wer! — victor They are a great iv over the old- tavhioned Razors, and. the Brier e be«rd, the better they shave. I shaved some nights with the ‘Mandarin’ biiudfold, and dit net cut ore man all the week.” Price Je. 4, the ext of 6 los. 6d. the set of 7 Razors. l ostage, 64. extre. ca be hat of Cutlers, Mair- dvesser:, , or direct from P. A. ARBENZ, 108 ms ‘Charles St., Headquarters for the celebra ed “ Genuine” G'M AIR GUNS. TOBACCONISTS’ TRADE. IT OW TO OPEN REMUNERATIVELY from »ny amount. however small nee Lilustrated Catalogue, 3 stamp. LESS HK FRIEDLAN VER 3, Houndsditch. Londen. Established @ » ears. D! Ridge’s Food.

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— cs soa ws S ceeceaeo Nn F

Jayuany 7, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. I

A Re

VOCES POPULI. Scenz— Madame Tussaud’s. In tHe Hatt or Krxes. Several Visitors gazing at the figur , with t id they ere tabing a liberty ; Enter Habitual Donkey Lib. Dockepta The Habitual pap tt (for the mere sake of saying something). Here you are, i. isitor (soho | ienow the ve ow wh they ashe at ” ra Street). peficen' ifferent Ww they used nds: without why , exactly. PX. Female Ghost id ( load Pea Whatever y ve done, I o’ope they’ve not done See Veit th — of ’Orrors.” I soula’t give anything to if Tita’ Comic Cockney (1 William the First and Masia Know what The: €. naates sez, “I’m” out again ! snes she sez, ‘It’s no use bulls ’ me, BILLIAM, speak to the Lord AT tik Chamberlain about it—it’s 'is business.” Polly. How you do go on, to be sure! Who are these two? Oh, “RicHaRD THE Frest, and amp mea al ( pronounced to rhyme with ** i i % wae are they The C. C. : “Now, do take an umbrella like a eS aay Ay ” she sez, “that nasty battle-axe ’ll be no good at all, if eommeh on to rat!” Polly loon y an ecstatic nudge). Oh, you are asilly! (Which is her highest meed of praise. [ They come to Richard the Second and Isabella of Valois. The C. C. Looks sorry for ery don’t he? *‘ Well, it’s done ~ Fomale of the HED, (readeng from Catalogue), Married to th e of t ** Marri e English Key when only seven years old,” —pore that’s young to be mariod after pondering this observation critically). Yes. She this ert y es. looks more rd that there, though. In THE Granp SALoon, Crowd (round the seated figure of William Cobbett), Ain’t he natural, too! Rum old cove to look at,eh? That’s a snuff-box he’s ’o You ’Il see his ’ed go round. presently. (Mr. Cobbett's head turns suddenly with a bland stare. All the women give a little start, and go off to the sleeping figure of The HD. (roading foo “y _ logue). *‘ Taken f life a few! r rom Cata ‘*Taken from life a few! months before her execution.”—A very fortunate escape ! His Female (looking over his shoulder), But it says she died by | the guillotine! The H. D. So it do, Ah, well—that (desperately) was no doubt on some other occasion. ais a og ny enn which Queen Elizabeth, Henry the Seventh, | Bacon are represented. . is a very | dramatic and appropriate tableau, by the m1 Ag and, in the omnes ee almost solves the great problem A'Fisitor | re yyfwrine 8 to Queen Elizabeth's costume). You don’t see The Dein ke ). You've read all the fass they’re| making about that Baccy, haven’t you?

His Female. No, 1 didn’t see it. (She ie the kind of pon person who can read any paper all through and never “ see” anything. He reads a newapaper dc , and retains a general idea of the contents.) at fuss The H. D. Well, I didn’t read it very carefully myself, but it seems that Sxaxsreare wrote all Bacon’s Cryptograms, and never got the credit for them. He Female (indignantly). What « shame! apo ase ‘ at @ group by pom | Bright, Cobden, Lord nahin H. D. , Do afar examining them profoundly), Ah—and[ithey i [He has not the faintest notion what he means—nor has she. TINY orem 8 leased with themselves and one another. The C. C. (halting tan an Elderly Gentleman who is ane down). He’s not arf so well done as the others ; wants cleaning up a bit. They have let him get so shabby. They might t stand’ him a a ~ ’at. Ugly old beggar too. Does it say who he’s meant for ? EZ. G. (angrily ly). Go away, a What do you mean by these rman C(movtog off hastily). W Well, if he ain’t one of the fevers movi as one gers, he ought to be added, that sal” In Hatt No, 3. The H. D.’s Female. payee, come here, quick ! © tlm Med ts engaged in mistaking Mr. George Odger for John Wyckiiffe tears himself away bes mh this fascinating occu ), Huwneny, this (rererentially) ia the id Cumherelle Dr. Keweacy threw down in the House o Cmena— —Why did he throw it down? The H. D. ith a confeced revetleatinn of Burke). Because he said it was what would be at every Englishman’s throat if they didn’t give the Claimant his rights, His eal (critically). It’s not real : The H. D. That doesn’t signify. 1t’s the principle of the thing, he was ar uing for. A Small Child (who has discovered that her remarks cause grown- up giggle by be Napoleon. So we are able to Gocaan cpen @ sone of universal cont

VOL. XCIV, B

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. TWO JUBILEES.—A HARMONY SSAA SS SSA AAAS ~ = . A bb AWAAALOAAAAANAR AAS SSS ~ SOODOAAANMS SA N f°) yo O °) » 10 {oO fe) BY Sr. Perer’s and St. James's face to face, Exchanging, whe more = courtly . eir mutual gifts greetings | A sight to stir the bigot; but the wise Regard with cheerful and complacent eyes’ This pleasantest of meetings. Queen, fresh —, years of glorions sway ; Pontiff, in the great Headship strong, though grey ; A world’s good wishes gather, From gentle hearts of all the creeds, to dower With love the two chief types of hieh-plac-d power, Good Queen and Holy Father. IN BLACK AND WHITE. r ta . “ergy =; PZ > d (Re , Bit 22270 Hin WHEE VY, ny S33 She nM! Two Jubilees! Patriot Punch is nothing loth In line and verse to celebrate them both. True freeman he, unfettered By servile fear, or hate’s poor purblind heat. hen such great ae in friendship meet, it and the world seem bettered. The willing bow of mutual respect Leaves individual honour still erect, And liberty unshaken. What bulwark fails because across the lands Two diverse Sovereigns their illustrious hands In amity have taken ? [Jawvany 7, 1888.

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Jawvarr 7, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. THE RIME OF A FAMOUS FICTIONIST. [See Mr. Wacrzn Busant's Article “On the Writing of Novels,” in Atalanta for December, and Mr. Pwnch's comments on the same in No. for December 24.]} I. Ir is a famous Fictionist, And his eyes are fall of woe— thy many books in Mupre's list, ow wheretore lookst thou so?” Eftsoons he breathes a heavy sigh : qusth ba: “One lass? Nay more—a hundred{score — And they listened all to me! ** The scratching of a myriad pens E ed on compositions Moved by the healed myriad girls * Of all sorts and conditions.’ “ They wrote of things they ne’er had ‘seen — Ther words were wild and hollow ; And every day, for work or play, This one pursuit did follow ‘In editorial pigeon-holes Their manuscripts you ’ll find, Or else, alack! they all came back, Inscribed,—* With thanks, declined.’ ”’ “ Now name thee, cost plight” is despondent p pened then ?””—** With my steel pen those Girls to write!” II “‘ The sea of ink now rose and spread, And filled the ing town— I was the first, with pen accurst To break the barriers down. * Down d the prices paid of old By publishers to me— Now every girl could write as well, Twas as sad could be! “The Golden Butterfly did seem No bi than a My steel is broken, and my quill s played with by the cat! ‘“Ah, well-a-day! What evil looks On young and old I shed. And now I, in the place of books, Make bricks to earn my bread!” “ “MARRY NOT COME UP.” (A Page from a Realistic Romance of the Near Future.) a child a young lady just released from school ; Visitor, a Hospital Nurse, an Authoress, and a Doctor. And all through her life—her long life—Epwin had been true! It was a sweet thought! She yielded herself so thoroughly to the sentiment of the moment that she failed to others apartm unobserved while lost in a reverie. With admirable tact he stumbled over a chair, and thus gave time to com herself without embarrassment. ‘** Epwin!” she exclaimed, ‘‘ how you startled me!” ** I am sorry to hear it, dear AncELina ; for believe me that I am conscious that persons at our time of life——” ‘“*Epwix!” she cried, beseechingly. “Nay, hear me out, Anoetina! It would be false kindness, my darling, if I had tried to conceal the truth. My own loved ** You once used to say I was no more than fifty,” she put in with a pout that was half playful, half reproachfal. ay YOU are ht, my own soul! ”’ he cried, passionately ; but that, darling, was fully ten years ago. But be that f one, you will never see the sunny side of as it may, all I say is that at our time of life— yeuhens, /—a sudden is most injurious us. Now, I would give worlds if you could guess what I wish to say to you. MM 20 4 | FELICITOUS QUOTATIONS. Unemployed Party (who has not received the donation he begged for). ‘‘ Yau! ‘] TRICED YER LITrLE Foorsrers in THE SNaow !'” | “How can I?” she asked, with a ‘coquettish glance from beneath her 8 es. **T have been trying to you not guess my secret ? She looked down and sighed. Then she put her finger near her mouth, and miled. ** How like the attitude in that picture of you, over yonder—painted nearly half a century ago!” “You are very troublesome with your dates, Epwiw!” said Awortmra, rather tartly. “* My own, do not speak harshly to me. Believe me, if I did not suffer from rheumatism, I would throw myself on my knees at your feet. My own, my darling, will you be my wife?” For a moment Anoe.ina blushed with joy. Then she turned as white as marble. ‘‘ Impossible!” she said at last, in a harsh sad voice that sounded the very utterance of despair. ‘** Why impossible?” he exclai with all a lover’s tenderness. “We must be worthy of our order,” said the noble middle-aged person Have you not read the Senly. ie mee a do a they would not do. gistrar meral’s rr” a od, “Then prepare you for it for more than twenty years. Can ave,” he answered, gloomily. I need not argue the matter soably advocated. E soul, my casting. we cannot ma because we are too young : And Epwiw bowed his head in silence, because knew that Awnogrrwa was not talking at random—that ANGEeLina was right. DWIN, my Own, my And while these two fond hearts pradently pined away in single happiness, the recipe for making wedding-cakes was lost to the world for ever! WONDERFUL CREATURES! Wat is a ‘Permanent Deacon?’| ‘“ Nocharge for him has yet appeared, He is a man with a rich field [Why, | In tithe-list, tax or poor-rate ; Of work before him, ‘A Permanent Deacon’ ’s not so Authority o’er him, weird Has “ W. D. Licurretp.” | As a ‘ Perpetual Curate!’” Waar Kitratw wished Surrs on January 1, 1888. A “‘ Happy New ’Ear.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [January 7, 1888, PUGILATIO REDIVIVA. (Br ras Guost or Corntrrntan Tom.) “I mm, my dear Goz,” remarked Comrwratan Tom to Hawraoas, as they conversed in The “that there has been a revival in London Of the noble Art of Self-defence.” ** Indeed!” replied Hawrnonw. “ well I remember how we ‘ dropped in’ upon Mr. Jacxsow in old days, and how you introduced me to the Campion or Enotanp, who was blowing a cloud, and whose Jack Boots weighed twenty ” *Ves,”’ said Tom, *‘ and we saw a rather shady set-to with the gloves, the last time we revisited ‘ the glimpses of the moon.’ What say you toa trip to earth again, for an investigation of Livzg 1x Lowpon of to-day ?”’ Jenny Hawrsonw was agreeable, and he and Cormrrmiun Tom were soon in the midst of ‘* Lire m calling on young Bos Logic, who was a “¢% spark” like his father, and quite au fart with all the sprezs of Metropolis. have , my dear Coz,” said the nar ** and = young BUCKS EXQUISITES seem to us to strangely ; out I suppose their attire is ‘ all the go’ now, and these are the swell suits made by the Dicxgy Parwercr of the day.” ‘ Right you are, old Chappie,” said young Bor Loe. “ And now, what is it you want to see?” Jenur was rather scandalised at the ‘' free and easy’’ tone of young Bos towards such a GO among the ‘‘ Gozs”’ as the Conmntatan, bat Tom merely smiled and said, ‘** Well, Master Bon, we have heard that the Ring or Stage of eae is once more a feature of ‘Lirz ix Lonpos,’ and in search of Character we would compare the Present with the Past.’ ‘‘ Nothing easier,” said young Bos. ‘“* Let us look in at the Flamingo Club some Sunday night, and you can see ‘ spar- ring’ to your heart's content; in fact I think I can introduce you to a regular good ‘glove-fight.’” The Trio went to the Flamingo, and truly it presented a motley sight. It was fall of the most extra- ordinary characters of Lurs un Lonpowy, all jostling each other with the utmost sang-froid. There were the Swett and the Snob—the Mommer and the Mug—the Jew and the Juggins—the Fiat and the Sharp—the Taapesman and the 7yf'—the Comic (7) VocaList and the Cly-faker—the Tunrire and the Welsher—the BLacx-Lxe and the Pigeon—in short it was an epitome of “ high” and “ low” life while, as the Connwraian observed to his Coz, ** GenTLEMEN to be scarcer than they were in ‘old days.’’* Everyone was drinking. “8. and B.,” “ Whiskey and Potash,” “Gin and Ginger-beer,” ** Bitter Beer,” ‘* Stout,” * Port,” * Sherry,” and ‘‘ Champagne,” were much in demand, nearly everyone too was “* blowing a cloud,” and a great many of these Votaries of Bacchus were three sheets in the wind, reminding Conmvrmian Tom and J#kery Hawrnorn of the the CHAMPION OF THE Woap, and proceeded to individual who had come “in his wake.” Conmvrutan, *‘ we shall see whether this * handy with his mauleys’ as my old friend Mr. Jackson.” Hesoon discovered, however, that this so-called ‘* sparring-match,”’ was buta sham, for the individual who was boxing with the Cuampion, con- tented himself with ‘“‘ warding off” the blows and never returned them; or, if he did so, it was in a most Aalf-Aearted manner. On ns of young Bop the reason of this, he said, ‘‘Oh, the *bloke’s’ his attendant, paid to stand up and be pummelled, don’t you know,” whereupon the CornrmvTHIAN expressed his high indignation at what he termed “such prodigious humbug,” and wondered that H.R.H. should have condescended to patronise it. There was no doubt, however, but that the Art of Self-Defence was once more on the ‘apis, and Dame Rumour had given the office to some of the “knowing coves” that two aspirants for pugilistic honours were to meet in the Prize Ring. But it was said that the battle was to be in France, and Corntwrn1an Tom declined to witness a fight that did not take place on Bririsn soil. ‘‘ No,” said he, ‘I witnessed the memorable combat between Tom Cares and MoLpvEaux at Thistleton Gap, and if I cannot see a ‘ set-to’ in the Ring in my native country, I will not do so elsewhere.” Young Box Logic, however, who had the “‘ tip,” went off with some brother Fiamxu- Gors, and on an island in the Seine among the “ Parley-voos,”’ he witnessed the “‘fistic encounter’ between the representatives of England and America. He came back in erent gine at having ** queered the bobbies” on this side the Channel ** bothered the gendarmes”’ on the other, and Conmwru1an Tom observed to his Coz, that young Bos was ey a “‘prime fayourite” among the Chappies and Gommies, and like a certain sprightly ‘‘ nymph of the stage,” he could always ‘‘ count ~— the s.” It certainly seemed also that this encounter had been full of “‘go.” The ** Cockles”’ of the hearts of Conrnwrutaw Tom and Jerry HawrHorw warmed as they heard and read of “ fibbing” and ‘‘ countering” of **red-hot smacks,” ‘‘left-handers on the nob,” “rib-roasters,”’ ** upper-cuts,”’ *‘ exchanges,” “* bashes,” ** knock-downers,” ‘‘ body- unches,” ‘‘spankers,” ‘‘ welts,” ‘“‘smashers,” ‘‘ whistlers,”’ ‘rattling ivories,” *‘ stingers,” ‘‘ bangs,” “‘hot-uns,” and of the “tapping” of the “‘ claret,” and the flowing of ‘‘the ruby.” It was Loypor,” and lost no time in | * Fashions | I said by some carillers that there was too much wrestling, or as they | called it ** euddling,’’ but as ConmwrH1an Tom remarked, “it was the sort of ‘ cuddling’ no man would care for who was not ‘in train- ling,’ as it involved heavy punishment and hard fighting.” Junry Hawrnorw agreed with him, and said, *‘ both men appeared to have shown pluck.” “ You are right,” said the Conmwrnan, “ both the combatants showed skill, stamina, and manly in idity. They ted, and were no feather-bed fighters as has been insinua‘ their game- ness was proved beyond question. This meeting indeed will take rank with the OLymPran encounter between Sayers and Hexwan.” ** Right you are,” said young Box ; “ but do you think the Beaks are going to stand a revival of the Prize Ring, or will the Bobbies still be down on us?” ‘‘ That,” said the ConmnTuran, “isa poser, I see that one Monitor of the Public warns us that we need not ‘ hug ourselves with the delusion’ that the days of the Ring will return. t reminds us too of the ‘ plants’ and ‘crosses’ and of the lowest o the low, who supported pugilism. It seems to me then, that while there is no objection to our practising the Noble Art of Self-Defence, the Puertistic Arena will not be open to our modern gladiators. We shall no longer be able to carol as of old :— “ A Briton needs no poniards, No bravos ‘long his street, His trust is in a strong-roped ring, A square of twenty-feet.’’ ** Ah, well,” said young Bon; ‘‘I suppose we shall still be allowed to have our private turn-ups, and I can tell you it’s pretty warm rae cop = yl “T do think,” continued = RINTHIAN, * that wes ever see such scenes again as in ugustan Age of the Ring, but if we do, this combat is ‘‘up to sample.” It was made under the auspices of the best and most largely ci of Sporting Newspapers, whose boast is ‘ Nunquam io,’ which was once edited by my pal and biographer Prerce Eean, and Lords, Baronets, Officers, and many real sports and turfites—a truly select company—stood round the combatants. Yet he would be a rash man who dared to predict a real revival of ‘the palmy days of the Prize Ring.’ True, Boxing is once more forming Lonpon ; but, casting my optics on the Bruisers Glattons of the Past, I can but exclaim, in an ancient lingo— “ Heu pietas, heu prisca fides, invictaque bello Dextra.” Randolph in Russia. ** Lorp Rawbdoitpa Cuvrcar.t’s Christmas trip” Has set the tribe of quidnunes skipping. Pooh! Though the Russian bear has grip, He’ll hardly catch this “* tripper’’ tripping ! MR. GLADSTONE SNOWBALLED AT DOVER. “Be Kent unmannerly.”—JZear, Act I., Scene 1.

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January 7, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 5 LANE AND GARDEN. “ AaMA virumque cano,” must be the motto of Avevusrus DavaerotaNvs for this year’s pantomime. Many an armour scene have we gazed on but mever such a display asthis. C’est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la Pantomime. I am not sorry to notice > me - oFusto | | » “4 AS “2 Oy Augustus “in propria Puss-owner.”’ that DrvrioLtanvs does not 4 in for a Grand Transformation Scene. Madame Karri ’s Fairies, some flowers, and a barque, or rather a pleasure-boat, in the manned by children, is as much as he gives us, and quite as the surfeit of gorgeosity which the audience have had in the or more foregoing scenes. Messrs, Herbert CamMPBELL and Harry NicHotts are very droll as King and Queen, and though the ‘‘Old Gentleman and his Donkey,” by the Brothers Garrrirus, may be a bit played out for the seniors, yet the children, for whose delectation Pantomime is primarily intended, will be delighted with the inimitable jackass. The two Brothers of Jocelyn Marquis of Carabas will afford the youthful playgoer much amusement, Jocelyn himeelf, imper- sonated by Miss Wanpman,—whom, of course Unele Toby will take his nephews and nieces and all the little Shandean family to see, in tender memory of the Widow Wadman—looks handsome, and plays and sings charmingly, Master Lavni, the undefeated illustrator of Darwinesque theories, is this year an agile cat instead of an acrobatic monkey, To quote the Pote, g the tune of ‘* Annie Laurie,” — At funny little Lavnzr We laugh until we cry. The Silver Wedding ballet is to my thinking, the prettiest effect in the Pantomime, if not the prettiest thing seen for some years, even on the stage of Lane. Like all ales Pantomimes, it requires condensation, for it ins too early and ends too late, so that our old friend Mr, Hanny Parwe the C must be tiredof waiting to come on, and his young friends have to be hurried off before he appears, or are too fatigued to ap Ge real humours of the Harlequinade. Miss Lerry Linn, as Princess Sweetarte, reminded me of Miss Constance Gricugist in ‘‘ the palmy days” of burlesque at the Gaiety—they are the leggy da i news r reports, even the Gallerians thing now, and, according to the Pittites demanded ‘ something new” of their old favourites—but this by the way,—and also, in some of her , of Mies Kate Vavonan ‘‘as she used to was,” when she Kater’d for the public at Christmas time and exemplified the poetry of motion. DaurtoLawvs is to be congratulated as usual, but I am sure Mr. Punch will strongly him to institute a new departure next Christmas, and, with one apet upeehabelte scene, which should not anticipate the glories of the Transformation, and one specially “pretty” scene, let him give us lots of frolic, comic business, and real pantomime fun, all to be over by eleven, and at ten let the Harlequinade commence. Such a Pantomime would come, to quote the poet, “like a boon and a blessi to men.” I must not forget to mention the pantomime heads hands at Drury Lane, w are works of genuine Comic Art. In the Garden.—If it be « difficult matter to decide which is the better of the two Pantomimes, The Lane or The Garden, the latter can at least claim Conquusr, who is the best Giant I’ve seen for a long time, There are ponte of good things in Jack and the Bean- stalk from Jack, Miss Fawny Lxstre, who is full of beans, down to the little boys, the Noaserrs (odd name sounds like that of » bank- rupt fa Warden assets”) who orm really wonderfully on R niature The drilling scene of youthful soldiers—all Sons of Mars,” of course, as you can tell by their “pas” —will i i t deserved In the Butterfly Ballet & Coe the dancing of Signora Sozo is anything but so-so, while *' Fun on the Quiet” by Messrs. Gurrrox and Arp cttived on negep eocke——coah yin black and white—is« most original performance, with in it. do wonderful acro eats with tables and but always as if in the Giant's absence they were “snatching a fearful joy,” buta eee, keoepan roan 2 © dows mar- vellous featse—and were of making es as as te t Landscape is the Exterior of Castle Terror, which is a work of ART. Mr. Bruce Reece's Tenens be effective with- out the Moderator ps and coloured ; a8 it is, it can on) i z iu ie i ; Hit ° Time! Jack before the Conquest. Pantomimists with one Harlequin. I don’t think little Sampy, though advertised in the bill, was one of the Clowns, but there were a pair of Pantaloons, thoueh only one was mentioned in the bill. hich is the better? Which takes the Twelfth Cake ? But their merits who can measure— Covent Garden? Drury Lane? If in one you may find pleasure, In the other you’il find Parns. The verdict must be pronounced by the Children who will be taken to see both. So Girls and Boys come out to the play, the moon it shines as bright as day ; and so, wishing o happy boliday-time to all of my young friends, | am Yours y; ARTY Larrmn. Fair Trader. * I’uu give you a wrinkle,” says Time, Beauty, now fading To Prof ‘ She replies, *‘ I have got one, for 1’m Tae me Bee | Fair-Trading.”’ Mawr of the Foreign Journalists should be dear to the heart of : aay Satvationist Boorn, as they contribute to keep up The ar Cry. BY A TRUB BLUE. Trvs Toryism’s natare bid? | ’Tis, onthe Commonweal a skid, I’ll furnish « solution : Preventing Revolutson /

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=. LONDON _CHARIVARL (Janoaty 7, 1888. THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE EXPRESSED DIFFERENTLY. Why, HERE WE ARE AGAIN, For rus Sixra Tiuz! Now, tr I SAD WAYrED TO SEE YOU, I DARE SAY WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE MET AT ALL!” xz— BIRDS OF ILL OMEN. Tae Year that is opening freshly before Should ring with tl the right merry music oof bells ; Gat on ye, Owls, hooting wildly in chorus! Why hail ye its advent with croakings and ) ? Like iron-clawed harpies, like foul-feathered furi Ye hover and hurry, ye flutter and fuss. Poor = yeme Eighty- Eight i in his seat scarce secure is ; bg | fruitlessly fluster and frighten him thus, ith ominous notes that so jangle‘and jar ? Tu-whit, tu-whoo Tu-whit, to-War! You goggle-eyed, goose-quilled, incontinent croakers, P = trouble our ‘egsanme all the year rouad. Of shindy up-stirrers, of passion provokers, ea an Cee ee ee aes ios ee ene not selfish and sinister, Trick of sensation, or dodge of finance. Why must your voices to violence miaister’? Why should you lead our poor world such a dance’’ hy must you chorus round battle’s red car ? Tu-whit, tu-whoo ! -whit, to- War! Surely of follies the maddest, —— pam | ; oo - all — = 4 our — > athe hysterical heat journalist, Cynical Momus it moves to wild mirth. Partlet as Mars proudly posing, and fluttering Feathers villatic, seems strangely absurd. Owlet in tones of an oracle uttering Cackles of wrath, looks a ludicrous bird. Silly your oo. k, yet it soundeth afar, tu-whoo ! u-whit, to- War ! Bundles of fluff in a nity belabouring Night’s wearied ear with cacophonous din, Must be a nuisance to residents neighbouring Still noisy foolishness needs not be sin, But your réclame, oh, ye furies in feathers, Passes mere folly, and counts among crimes Birds of ill omen, who hoot in all weathers, Shriek at all seasons, and croak at all times, Nothing your baneful mad music can bar ; Tu-whit, tu-whoo! Tu-whit, to-War !. Birds, when the Bourse and Bellona foregather, Their meeting means Mischief, and ye are its Voice. If common sense could but silence your blather, Peace would — Profit, and a — = on ye, Owls! iless mouth- “pieces sure are ye all, Sirk me of e Guery and gamm it i da Foden world be your any P All its Dest prospects your hootings can mar, Tu-whit, ta-whoo ! Tu-whit, to-War! ‘*Worps, Wonps, Worps!”’—Lord GrixrorPr A nm Yorkshire, not of Wiltshire), announces that he is prepared to support homeopathy. kJ being the it seems a pity that his Lordship does not a rinciples to own correspondence. ie aay Dad us pouty fore proof. We should sonar proof ‘ore Enc isu 1 Inp14.—Commenting on a recent Progress in a Presi- dency, the Times observes that:—‘‘A tra Governor is expected to sift the appeals of convicts who ; that the case against them was a ‘concoculation.’” Mrs, might book that word among her ~ "aT i @ cl ee eee ee Caen oe 6G OU 6D Oe

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIL—Janvary 7, 1888. gre BIRDS OF ILL OMEN. Corvus or Forrren Jovurnnarists, ‘‘ TU-WHIT !—TO-WAR !—TU-WHIT !—TO-WAR!!” Mra. P. “OUT ON YE, OWLS, NOTHING BUT SONGS OF DEATH?”

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Janvany 7, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. THE LETTER-BAG OF TOBY, M.P. From Patnce Granponrn or BULGARIA. Moscow, Saturday. h the sources orma- Son tevline ia auloms ith on, in unison wi those of the capitals of the Continent, is throbbing Solaiiisesiog of uy viet my visi to ALEXANDER. You have a theatre burnt, Mr.GL-pst-NE has his birthday as usual, and B-1r-r having put O’Br-w in prison, carries out the Plan of Campaign by a wholesale reduction of | judicial rents. These things, | of course, excite ripples of interest; but I can quite ers that what the people are really thinking to Russia, what it means and what it wey : in some sense gratifies me, I confess it also tickles me, and now and in I break forth into the melodious laugh with | which my friends are familiar. As you will presently learn, the | journey has had its serious consequences, fraught with interest for the civilised world. But in the privacy of confidential co ndence I may admit for your ear only, that it was the merest accident that | brought me here, meant to go to Spain, to spend the winter | months before the Spring-time of the new ion. I had arranged | with a companion, and definitely fixed our destination. OL-v-R | M-nt-cu was the man, and Seville the place, where we Deeg ourselves to eat the orange of contentment amid the groves of idleness. Everything was settled for the journey, when it occurred to me that it would be good fun to do exactly the reverse of what I had pro- posed to myself and announced to others as a fixedintention. Look- | ing over the Map of Europe where was the place most absolutely opposed to Spain in all its associations and relations? Russia of course. If people expected me to turn up at Seville, St. Petersburg was the spot for me. They have not been talking much about me lately, not nearly as much as the vogue this time last year. It was time jI did so This sudden change of settled plan would puzzle them. If I called on B-sm-ncx en route, and pro- ceeded to pay a ing visit to the Czak, here were all the elements of that excitement which now agitates Eurcpean politics. B-sm-RcK it was true wouldn’t play. declined to see me, putting me off with H-as-rr. (8 that two eminent statesmen should each be handicapped with the bright possession of a Hersert.) But I saw Czan, and though it was only in travelling between St. Peters- “you are in have tried “T will,” said the Czar. ‘* You ad ~ tallies eh ee Bulgare been very sudden, and I can yet hardly realise the in m ion’ and prospects. But, to tell the disappointed, and am aweary of i disguising the fact that w of is my visit Whilst this insular hat followed of the Exchequer was a upon my resignation of the Chancellorshi break up the Government ; but retiremen sad blow to me. I thought it would it did not even lead to H-wry M-tru-ws’ t. went on very much as before, if not more so, and I was left out in the cold. An added sting of bitterness was given by watching the growing prosperity of my old henchmen. B-ur-z, whom I used to ally, become quite a pousses, and even dreams of perman- ently ing me out of t ership of the House of Commons. 0 used to fetch and carry my glass of mediatised water when I spoke in debate, used to sit on the extreme end of the bench, and reverentially gather up the folios of my notes as I ran through them— is now His Excellency, Minister to the Court of the Saau, and com- fortably provided for for life. He sent me, the other day, a copy of the sketch of himself he did for you, with his flowing robes, his turbaned head, his jewelled ers, his impossi imi PR Nh in “ali hese things are bitterness to a soul then there’s GL-pst-wE teeslios tethiee, = series of railway-station was look- with snowballs, Travelling from ing through La Nouvelle Héloise, and came upon a prophetic de- with his way “de nier ce qui est, et scription of the foxy Old Man, d expli ce qui n'est pas.” Isn't that a perfect his itual manner, as manifested, for example, in his letter? Iam aweary of him and orgeybeny, and, now I come to think of it, even of you, dear Toxy. Czan’s pt adoption of my suggestion removes me from associations which { regard with ing dislike, and opens up quite a new prospect of usefulness. ATTENBERG THE Frest, a pretty puppet, made ieee generally hot from Sophia. FerprvanD, succeeding to the got the fat in the fire. Modesty prevents me from even hinting at what I may do in so favoured a position. But you may take it from me that I shall, generally, make Europe sit up. So no more at present. a Bat, if you’re waking, call me early, call me early, Tony dear ; For I’m to be Prince of Bulgaria, I’m to be Prince of Bulgare! Yours fai y; R-np-itpPn 8, CH-RCH-LL, A SPIRITED POLICY. My Dear Ma. Poncn, I roxp from a letter in the Times that it has been to invent a universal language, to be called ** Volapiik,” and sajvemal language cles anni aie saprieve ok pod ely. Ser unive guage already Pp rising from one of your own immortal “* appy Thoughts,” sa sin effect, ‘* Why not have a universal language—for choice, English ?” I echo, “* Why not ?”’ but with the love of fair play, the birthright of a Briton, I cannot help looking at the other side, ‘* Why not Vola- pik?” let us ask, if only for the sake of argument. A ing to the Times, a majority of its believe that Volapiik is ** the language of the spirits,” and this certainly seems a a explanation. Taking this interpretation of the term, would it not be eas to conaunel a Segue t would be easily understood, and would have the advantage of being shorter than ordinary English P Volapiik, or the language of the spirits, I take it, would have a = ness to contract whole sentences into one word, considerably abbreviate nouns of more than three syllables. I can easily imagine what this “language of the spirits” (which in a certain, or rather, uncertain sense is a unive' would be. Perhaps, better to explain my meaning, I may be permitted to give a few examples. The new tongue, it is proposed, 6 be used for ‘ Commercial and Diplomatic purposes,” and I imagine in the subjoined a conversation between a Diplomatist and a Merchant upon a subject connected with Commerce and Diplomacy. Merchant. Gladseeyerolef'ler. ThingsbeeslybadCityolef’ ler ! Diplomatist. Treaty brlinbosholef’ler. Beesly bosholef’ler | Merchant. Tellyerwhat. Brish’dusty, i olef’ ler | Diplomatist. htolef’ler! M’selfgoingbed — in olef’ler! Merchant. So’mI! Olef’ler! I do not say that the above “language of the than ordinary English, I merely say it is shorter. too, to a great number of people, would mean a whereas ‘‘the language of the spirits,” as I imagine secured by everyone after a rather pleasant and natural The worst that could be said of the latter tongue was ‘‘ too easy to begin,” or “rather a rum language.” Bat of that, movements in the cause of freedom are not to be killed idicule, and I fancy that the movements by the “‘ spirit talk” would be free as;well as easy. I remain, with much respect, yours sincerely, A Tatxer Unsvurrep to a Tua. The Junipers, Toddy-on-the-Brain, Brandyandwatermere. m’ boots, it, ¥ | Ese aosumptien of

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4 is q = ; ry i te 4 i [January 7, 1888, — Taz Youno Mew are ait Darcie.” PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. i | i i | ‘ebilda, 4 if — = ‘A HAND AT WHIST.” Nostess (at Christmas gathering). ‘‘'GanTLEMEN, HERB ’s Ma, Haycrorr SAYs HELL MAKE A FouRTH, IF You WANT A ROBBER. Mr. H. (Suffolk Farmer). ‘‘Oon, I sHaLL BB MOOsT HAPPY. THA’s A Game I! AL’aAys WANTED TO L’aRN!!” [The Host, and Old Deuceace, and Captain Poyntz look rather blank ! THE HOLIDAY-MAKER’S VADE MECUM. Question. Have you kept Christmas in the customary fashion ? Answer, Certainly, with the result of loathing the sight of roast turkey, and hating the slightest reference to pases and mince pi Q. Where did you spend Christmas Eve ? A. In the Gaiety Theatre, assisting at the first night of a Melodramatic Burlesque, in three Acts, called Frankenstein. Q. Did you have a pleasant evening ? A. Not particularly. The denizens of the it were in a bad temper from the use the space us ’ had been curtailed to increase the acoommo- ’ dation of the stalls. . Q. Was this the reason why Frankenstein on the first night was something un- commonly like a flasco ’ A. No, because the piece itself was dull. Music, songs, and scenery, were all that could be desired, and the company could scarcel Merry go-rounders. have been better for the kind of work requi Q. I suppose the evergreen Miss Netty FarRen was htly, Miss Maziow Hoop melodious and coquettish, and . FRep Lestre quaint and amusing ? b em A. | see you have the stereot praise by heart. Yes, it will do on this occasion, as it has done before. However, Miss Farnen certainly did not look her best in the character of a s in the last Act he appeared in the disguise of a and, when he was followed by four others in similar costumes who caused derision, observed, ** Here come some more low comedians.” If the authors wrote those words they wrote unwisely. Q. Is it true that Mr. E. J. Lowey sings an Irish song ? A. Strange as it may seem to you, that is indeed the case. You La y at their Miepooal Hall? and | fancied that Mr. Lestre was inclined to “ pas." or instance, | Palace can imagine how mirth-provoking it is when I tell you that one of the verses describes how a dispensary doctor mended a broken head with a second-class rail way-carriage. Q. I suppose this —— oy had to go a long way ? A. Most of the way. Mr. Lonnen as a vampire depressed me. Q. But did not he call somebody *‘ good old Mary Ann?” A. He called her this several times. lt was funny—at first. Q. " not the last scene with its procession of Planets well worth seeing A. Assuredly, by those who have never been present at a satin or armour parade arranged by Mr. Aveustvs Harris. iety pro- cession was a faint reflection of the gorgeous original at Drury Lane. Q. Have you been to see the World’s Fair at the Agricultural A. That have I. It was not bad. A wild-beast tamer was wonderfully good, and seemed as much at home amongst lions, tigers, and bears, as you and I should be enjoying a cigar in a Club smoking- room. Then thers were some new- ashioned roundabouts, and a wonderful pantomime in Ricnarpson’s show, and a fat lady. I was very much struck by the improvement in the musical instruments attached to the show. Orchestrions have ousted hand-organs. Q. Have you not also been to Dalston to see a Circus ? A. Yes. It was a beautiful Cireus, but I do not want to see it again. Q. And Olympia, have you not also seen that ? A, “Good old Olympia ?”—yes, I have. The programme might contain something new, without spoiling the entertainment. Q. Would you like to go to the Victoria Palace of Varieties, the fonteatent Gardens, or an imitationof the Wild West at the Albert A, No, I would rather not—far rather not. Q. And why not ? A. Because this is Christmas-time, and should be a season of pleasure for every one. 1 cannot help feeling that a to either of the a 5p have mentioned would be indeed a sad commencement to glad New Year.

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—— , — Jawvany 7, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL il FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS art hr ‘| A mu 7 =) S b rr i¢ | ned anatase aj | i a Sante LPI OR RARLEG Atri is) PLy + Y ONIGHY, er? io a, Si se) 5s, a ts y 5 x D> 3 THE UNEMPLOYED or) v ay wit Te Duke ano lM — ae ~~ ChLOK UL A ute Fig SHORE Mn G Wy,’ , mit ‘i PUNCH ano HERMOINE INERVA (King seo Queen ) WILLIAM ano SUSAN | CN ca fo * © ADM inaty = iai.¢ BRIAN Oly: Brine % H, ‘amt su ye NN a net dae Tye LINGEN SED VISTLER, MR. PUNCH’S TWELFTH-NIGHT CHARACTERS.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Jancany 7, 1888, f LT ; iy i] INVITING! (4 Reminiscence of the late Frost. ) PRESENTATION AT ST. PETERSBURG. (From Our Own Correspondent.) Tue Boshki Mir contains the following report of the reception of ‘‘ Mr. Spencer” by the Czar at a masq and faney ball lately given by his Imperial Majesty :— | “Mr, Spawcer” appeared before the Sovereign habited in a costume considered by some spectators brilliant, but seeming in some eyes to border on grotesque. It wasa uniform of the kind in English commonly catled ‘ motley,’ forming a picturesque combination of colours, mainly a symphony in white and red. In his hands he bore a salver, whereupon lay a string of real Cambridge sausages, which he respectfully presented, with the com- pliments of the season, to the august representative of the Great Bear. His Majesty was graciously pleased to receive the appropriate offering with his ous condescension, socompaaynng his expression of thanks with a significant wink of the eye, only asking, in addition, ‘ Bat where’s the Turkey ?’ ”’ The foregoing statement may be accepted as perfectly reilabdie, Growl by a Gourmet. CIvILIsaTIon is played out! ’Tis not cheap claret makes me sure of it, Nor is it Guapsrows, nor the gou Nor failure to effect the cure_of it. It is not Socialistic rot About the rich all being sinners ; What proves the world is going to pot Is this dashed talk of—Penny Dinners! Drawing it Mild. “A telegram from Massowah states that from intelligence received there it appears that the Negus is advancing by rapid stages.” Tart is all very well, as far as it goes. But isn’t Negus a little mild for this time of the year? Instead of advancing the Negus, they would do much better to hurry up the Punch. Aut Negus aut nullus is a poor look-out in mid-winter. COMING UP TO THE SCRATCH. “ Ay, ay, a soratch, a scratch; marry, ‘tis enough.”’"—Romeo and Juliet. Or old, when French enemies fell out, they fought, Until one gave the other “ his gruel,” To-day if revenge (and réclame) should be sought, They go through the farce of a duel. A scratch, not like Tybdailt’s, is all that can come From these comiedl | bodkin-prick matches. ’T would seem that a Gaul, like a girl—or a “‘ Tom” — Has a true feline fondness for scratches ! PEEPS AT THE PICTURES, | Royal Academy.—Second day of Exhibition of Works by the Old | Masters. Avoided Private View, my object being Paintings not People. First-rate collection—(Do not like the word “ collection” asa | rule, because it reminds me of “‘ going round with the plate,” but in this instance it means going round with the pictures)—specially notable for the Dateh Room, which, as high up as immortal Datch- men can go, is quite a little Datch Oven below. No 7. ** Turner.” are some fine specimens of Turner here, and this is one of the best. He was spneay painting sun- sets, and yet he was a subject of the British Empire, on which, as we know, “the sun never sets.” Consequently he never saw a sun- set. What a wealth of wd No. i2. Portrait of a “ Butler,” with a query ‘‘(?)” after his name. Evidently the Academicians didn’t which butler it wen, whether Toore Butler or Taonwe Batler, It is by Sir Perzn ELY. No. 33. A Curriele and Pair. Queer pair in the Curricle, specially the lady in high feather. Srvusss, A.R.A., did it. No. 43. It is called “The Countess of Cork.” Nonsense: Countess of Burnt Cork perhaps, but mearbteny © portrait of Mrs. Srreuive, the inimitable actress, 1888. Any w, a sterling work of Art. by Mr. Punch’s old friend, “‘ Mr. Bataes,” (R.A.) No, 44. “ Sea- Piece, or Sea-Tranquil.” By ConstaBie, R A. This is not an ordinary Constable, but a Special ble. Sir Caantes Wanaew will be delighted with these first-rate specimens of Con- | stables. So will the Socialist rioters, because all the Constables here are suspended. No. 53, What the Academicians call ‘‘.4 Music Party,” by Peter DE Hoocue. Ahem! ‘“ My fan, Perer, my fan!” No. 55. ‘4 Merry Making.” One ham between sixteen of ’em. Jan Sreen. No. 58. ‘* 4 Man Smoking.” One head and Ten-ears, No. 60. ‘* A Flower-piece,” by Peter Faxs, in his best phase. No. 65. Portrait of ** Catherine Adame,” i JoHANNES VER- spronck, highly finished. Although she evidently had said to the artist, ‘‘ You must take me in the ruff,—just as I am.” No. 72. “A Dutch Lady,” by Fervinanp Bou. This picture is 380 Rembrandtish as to suggest as a title a ‘‘ Bol Masqué.” No. 74. *‘ A Mill,” « quiet, secluded spot, just the place for a Mill: no police near. RemBeanpt knew what he was about. No. 75. Mr. Bartow McGocxrn 2s the “‘ Laughing Cavalier,” by Franx Hott ; no, bee Dutehman’s pardon, Faanx Hats. No. 107. “ The Fight Interrupted,” by Jan Sreen ; probably intended as a sequel to ** The Mill.” No. 109. Here is an ‘‘old woman ”’. who lives in a frame, She’s painted by Raa what matters her name ? No. 134. “* Europa.” More American than European, and suggestive of ‘‘ Bull’s Run.” No more at present. Only able to look in at The Grosvenor, where they have some great Hogarthy Diamonds. Home, and so to dinner. Your old friend and Diarist Sum Peeps, THE BUSYBODY. (Dr, Watts adapted to the Day.) How doth the little Busybody, The Publie, how he bores or gulls, Improve each shinin ur, | This buzzing busy B., And gather kudos day by day, | Starts maudlin “ Dignan” that And pine for “ perks” and pow’r end in muils, How skilfully heshapes his ‘‘sells,”’ And pure fiddle-de-dee ! His meetings how he packs; —_ In works of folly and of fudge With self-importance how he| His pous days are passed, swells, | To find in Limbo's fog and sludge, What foolish fads he backs! | Oblivion at last. ~ i> NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will im no case be returned, not even when accompanied ty ¢ Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception. 5 So he dl ai ttt §35 See eeBOSeE NCH eoMURCH PY OP™MeEYRRPTE YALE

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_ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jawvanr 7, 1888 change of 2 oe, = which Comme wneee sub- is said t ev cad Her Majesty ~ Tetrion. leavin riod, leaving Portsmouth is without a iiberal. Seog a St. ii ee on, This marvellous remedy ig not only used extensively on — but also in the several dockyards above-mentioned. Mr. Frederick Payne, who lives at 62, Gladstone Street, Landport, Po: , and who has been connected with the Portsmouth Dock- yard for upwards of fourteen years, hands us the particulars of the most miraculous cure effected by the use of St. Jacobs Oil in ere shape! of the time her right shoulder was bwollen to that extent that the top of the shoulder and the side of her face came together, and she suffered the most intense ~4 > Four years ago the disease settled in her back, making her comple:ély helpless, thé heart became so much involved that she unable to make the exertion wi out experiencing great difficulty in Preach. ing. The only way she could lie in bed was by having the back of a chair set up behind ber, and padded with pillows, Her ——— was obliged to carry ber oa as night aud merning, and excruciating fainted away, She in flesh that Mr. Payne more than a skeleton. ue best medical skill iginity, employing four Ms - in all, each of whom oe that they could do "euch ae E i E FETE, lit . : ua Tae j z t fi id ea Hs Ssge - i ee wes " jel nl 4 ! E” H i ; i A LARATIVE, REFRESHING FRUIT LOZENGE, VERY AGREEABLE TO TARE. TAMAR FOR CONSTIPATION, Hemorrhoids, Bile, Loss of INDIEN Gastric and In troubles, Headache arising from them. GRILLON. SOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS AND GRILLON, 69, Queen Street, City, London. DRUGGISTS, 2s. 64, A BOX. BURKE'S == direct from Dublin, Carriage paid, to any address in the United Kingdom. me TOK I me ppt THE MOST DELIGATE WHISKEY IM THE WORLD, BOTTLED IN DUBLIN. SAMPLE (One Doren) GAGE sent PRICE 42/- PER CASE, B. & J, BUREE, DUBLIN. GRANT’S MORELLA CHERRY BRANDY. The éelicious product of the famed Kent Moretias. bupplied to Majesty at all the Royal Paiaces. GRANT’S MORELLA CHERRY BRANDY. Excellent with water, hot $9*. bw dol 44 ge GRANT’S MORELLA CHERRY BRANDY. Inquire for it at all Fars and Refreshment Rooms. Manufacturers, T. GRANT & SONS, Mawsrow se. “Rich in Phosphates.”—Banon Lizsie, MAX GREGER'S CARLOWITZ. 2, Old Bond Street, London, W. J. EXSHAW & CO.’S r ze OLD BRANDY. on Ne -h- 7. W. al CT ices w TORPID LIVER © ERS BY THESE LITILe prevent pation | and Piles. The smallest | Svoan CoaTEeD Poaecr abi, do not ipe or urge, = Ly Sheir afl who usd them vi fe ~— : Pili « 7the United States,” ph at le a Sold by all Chemists, of sent by post. SMALL PILL. SMALL DOSE. SMALL PRICE. Iilustrated Pamphiet free. British Depot, #@, Holborn Viaduct, Lendon, ac ASPINALL'S ENAMEL. INIMITABL BE, wv /MNAMENTAL, USEFUL. Colours exquisite duriace mg "Porcelain For Indoor and Outdoor Work, Renoveting hg peor y 2 Sold every where. fins, Pot ls. 64. and 3s. Asrinaly ® s Examuet onas, | Ae and easiest to take. MADE WITH BOILING WATER, Pees $$ CRATEFUL~COMFORTING. | COCOA MADS WITH BOILING MILK. GENTLEMEN'S WICS, PERFECT IMITATIONS OF wATURE. Weightiess, dnee. Tnstractionst” poe? eott mescurement on applisetion. CHAS. BOND gon, 646, OX FU LON Specialists also hy Ladies’ Wigs and Scalpettes. DR. PACET, surgeon Dents, 445, STRAND (Facing Charing Cross Station). Da. PAGET'S Painless method of FIXING TEETH without PLATES or PALATES, &c., explained ia the Lilustrated Pamphlet, sent post tree. GUEST’S ENAMELS. All Colours. Por Domestic, a rations. Resist Sn as ana a boltinn water, — Yay in 30 minutes. In ls, 2¢., and 4s, Tins. fold by Iron- ongers, Oilmen and Chemists everywhere. Shade t and all particulars from London Warehouse, 7. 8T. JOUN STREET, z.C, EVERY REQUISITE FOR THE STABLE and HARNESS ROOM TO BE SSEN AT | MARTINGALE’S, 104, Pleesdilly (Prince’s Hall), LUGGAGE, PASSENGER, éc. | For HOTELS, MANSIONS, é0. | DINNER and INVALID LIFTS. wer CLARE, BUNBT?, #00., Lim., RATHBONE PLACE, W = S World Renowned GOLD ME omg Bold in Pa | Report Agente — ‘ist BEST & SAFEST SOLD BY ALL CHEMIST | AND PERFUMERS, IW | ELECANT CRYSTAL TOILET CASKET price 2/6. WATERPROOF BOOTS. FOR SHOOTING AND HEAVY WEAR. 27s. Every Pair Guaranteed. AISO FOR EVERY-DAY WERAR “ory K BooTs, Surric 7 TES FOLLOWING :— Bayi—M High Street jithet “oe cAfee, Borner sho Sornmerhet Bovertep eke Bence ee wile High Street Birmingham Jone fe pad. %, Digheth. are , Opposite Town Hal! perow, Castle Baqi wellth Bouse, Gs ° =| 5 Hall Bulidings ish Street Mali i, ow ville Btreet Btreet Btreet. 112, Parade » Oxford Bt Ragent & etree, w. ® Market | wiase Mill Btre Terrace Street. Bevoet ett At huil ‘ber eet igh Htreet ow King St. est treet. Hoad , 163, High Street &t., and Public Hall bs, Church Street Leighton. - York, Queen 8t., & King St BY BeerEecTaniLE Boorm,kens THACUGHOUT THe EMriaeg. C. BRANDAUER & CO.’S CIRCULAR POINTED Write Ri, 4f- 6 lead the F434 Te PENS Ng Medals awarded, Assorted Sample Box, 64., or post free for] stamps from ©. Brandauer & Co.'s ren Works, Birmingham Saat IRCULAR POINTED COLT’s DOUBLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER, 86 supplied to H.M. War Department COLT ARM BEVOLY a0 adepies by the United tes Government. “FRONTIER ” PISTOL takes the Cott and Mavesine Mifle Cartridge 44 «9 POCKET REVOLV ee, jor the iy best quality Coit’s bevelvers ore all over the worid 5 s only. CoLT’ GUNE an ; fy tor india aad ta» COLT» FIRPARMS Pall Mall, London 4. W ‘Agents be inteeh Son oun Rioest & Oo. R. Huowrs & Sons, 100, Moland St., Birmingham Agents for Birminguam end the Province 1G MACHINE

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI —Janvanr 7, 1888. SAMUEL BROTHERS. Mosars. SAMUEL BROTHERS have produced, for the CHRISTMAS aad NEW YEAR SEASONS, several NOVEL +> ' STYLES of SUITS for the EVENING or DRESS WEAR of ' BOYS at JUVENILE PARTIES, BALLS, &c, They are made in } all the Newest Shades of Piush, Velvet, Velveteens, Superfines, &c. The BOYS’ “JACK TAR” and “GAELIO TAR” SUITS, . | , and the GIRLS’ “ TAR” COSTUME, made in White or Coloured Drills, Flannels, Serges, &£c., trimmed with fancy-coloured Piushes, . Bilks, Braids, &c., are very effective and inexpensive, while per- manently useful. The “ MIDDY ” and “ NAVY” SUITS, with ; Gilt Buttons, Gold Embroidered Badges, &c., still retain their positior as favourite styles. Inspection is invited of the MODELS of JUVENILE DRESS, appropriate to the Season, that are now ‘ : displayed in the Firm's windows and Show Rooms. Patterns and Illustrated Price List Post Frese. ; ; 65 & 67, LUDGATE HILL, : L ON D Oo N, E. Cc. “ Count” Sort. “Jace Tan” Sort “ Gasue Tas.” * Louws” Ovencoat. Sgescaee NESTLE’S|DEOORATE Tuma pu : your HOMES || “Zouzs. ze. auzroxs The beauty of S sand 6 Gi nouse — we = ANTL uty tai jlass in every Discesrs: . can oy aere oyed by using M‘Caw, Stevenson & ee ta _e _ Orr’s mt . tum xe for INFANTS. GLACIER | Also well adapted for CHILDREN | WINDOW DECORATION. and INVALIDS. phases muctee enpettsons stun aap ef tolelae The basis of NESTLE’S FOOD is choice milk Invaluable where there are windows with disagreeable from Swiss cows, concentrated in vacuo at a low ay Spcemsed Bamatiet tare Smeets ene origi } rite for e Comoe BEF, SD G50 ¥ ~ a Sees Sample, post free, One Shulling, from the Manufac- “ \ ta qualities unchanged. To this concentrated milk is turers, M°CAW, STEVENSON & ORR, Linenhall Ul ali Destere in Faney (oods throug he ’ added a little sugar and some wheat flour,the wheat Works, Belfast; or By + rh & Co, Wholesale Herbert Finch & Co., 0. Bury 8, Londen. EO. flour having been previously submitted toa special Avents, Holborn Viaduct, ——— = — process of baking, whereby the insoluble portions are excluded. The pro@uct eptained in this way acts as a solvent upon the cas@ine, and prevents the milk from curdiing in large jumps, rendering | the whole compound, which is of the hizhest nutri- tive value, as digestible as mother's milk. | | | Well rooted, many sh ooted, truly named, of matured | vigorous growth, and of the best kinds. Bushes, | Se. per dos., 60s. per 160. Standards, 15s. per doz, | 1056. per 100, Packing and Carriage Free for Cash with Order. THESE WORLD-FAMED ROSES CANMOT FAIL T0 GIVE THE GREATEST SATISFACTION. ’ DESCKIPTIVE LISTS of above and following free | », {oF te IMPROVED on application :— Fruit Trees, Evergreens, Fiower- WITHOUT CLIPS are sa ing Shrubs (6s. doz.), —- (12s. te oe J | doz.). Roses in Pots (18s. to Tailors for sewing the Trousers. ceous and aipine Plante (w to lee Oc). ae p= $1 dosn., De r 100 ines ( ve an ERs AND ELECTRO PLATE. Greea howe Piants, Forest Trees, Seeds, Bulbs, &c. OF hf RICHARD SMITH & CO Wholesale: ‘AUTION. — Kone "3 | JOHN HAMILTON @ ©0,, witness WORCESTER. 7, Philip Lane, London, 2.0. SSovetrade “FOR THE BLOOD I8 THE LIF.” 1 : re Ne » | b “Be tient, and you will have ent chil- dren.” Se = fret ae your aS t Laeiee en Gath medals Royal ee Peenapene Eniatt- C LA R KE E S | sets a bad example; do it sensibly with —_—e “}etwr rork.wialy than “work Nard.’ “Grent | JOMM BRINSMEAD & SONS’ PIANOS: WORLD-F efforts are unnecessary in house- _ a.-vR “in. Clears Paint, Marble, Of!-cloths, Metais, upwards. ope tubs, Kitchen Utensils, Lavatories Useful | 36,20, and 22, : WiGMOKE = STRESS, LONDON, W K all over th: house for all cleaning except laundry. — Lists Free 2 dis stumpe, by bneom Moneas'e Bone’ "Oe, Get » bottie to-day of PERRY DAVIS’ PAIN arran ico rom ll impuritin 3 a temps. hoon onoan's “6 , . ie o 3), Snow Mol P c HAIR: —ROBARE'S KILL ER. the Oldest. "nest, and most widely-known iow ngs toeennee the — Family Medicine in the World. It instantly Relieves peed 74 why = sokin and Hiogd senses it sc ’ wv u apa Cures Severe Scaids, Kurns, Sprains, Bruises, | ore marvellous. Testimonials LEA & PERRINS SAUCE. Se 6d. . Oe. Perfumers and | Toothache, Headache, Pains in the Bide, Joints, lous. Thousands oy im cases - ‘ =~ | and Limbe. and all Neura gic and Rheumatic Pains. uantity ee ofall Chemists. Sent consequence of Imitations of . London, W. | anv Chemist can supple it at 1/14 and 2/9 per bottle. for 33 or 108 stam by Tus Lincouw sawp Mipuane LEA a PERRING SAUCE. Coupvesd buco Guarese Llasstns which are ealculated to deceive the Public, Les & Pearse beg to draw attention to the fact that WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE | [IMIS F CHOCOLAT Choses & Biacewats, London, and Eapeet Oilmen Retail by Deaton Sosces rouahout the World. F Oo R B R E A EK F A 8 = ee ae AWARDED 32 PRIZE MEDALS. —& NMA re ~ tiers ANNUAL CONSUMPTION EXCEEDS Gl: RRY BRAND f 95 OOO OOO lbs if , > e TABI {2 ; SOLD RETAIL EVERYWHERE. Printed by William Stuart Smith af No. B Loraine Koad. Bomewes, ia the so Focee of St. Mary, Islington, in the ‘County of Middlesex, at the Pri in the Precinct of Whiteiriars, im the City of London, and Published by bim at No. 85, Fleet syeet, im the Parish of St. bride, Ci Cal ot Unston uorvenete, ’

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The YEARLY Volume for 1887, very elegantly bound in blue cloth, gilt edges. Price 773. The HALF-YEARLY Volume, July to December, 1887, in brown cloth, sprinkled edges. Price 8s. 6d. “PUNCH.” “PUNCH.” Cnr ““A~ ns Pe ° dal WS) AS VA WD 7 oan 4 as Xa Z. Ss i » Gy ) # : — x , . Ss = === =~ = lI; > y any * ~ SSS Hh if, ul Us i > Ss "| | oar x > : Sle All : —, q 1 HHI j —_ “ 47 y ca * a ae / ~\ O yN N° 2427. VOLUME THE NINETY-FOURTH. - a ° . Nn x 5 “Ba JANUARY 14, \ 1888, = | ————— vs ) — ee — nn . mr | oo ig ST | | 3 Uo ui Ds h > sii fi { z 7 A | | ’ Na a J f | oA) RANTINY : AL mi PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, ? UNCH 1841 to 1887 (Re-issue), elegantly bound ’ Library Issue, in 22 Double Yearly Volumes, strongly half in blue cloth, gilt edges. 47 Yearly Volumes. Special Price, £ 27 23. 6d, bound in Leather, gilt edges. 1841 to 1884. £22 175. [PUNCH OFFICE, %s, FLEET ST., EC SSYu¥HL 301d ‘“JON3d jilicve as a New

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OMICAL KINGDO LR NY &c. Sold family rts, 7 STO . for HA eva, shed ove { t RCHES, & £8 each ers. Mode | & SO, ESSEX; LL, WATER ’ TING, ) MILK. a Janvany 14, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 13 THE LETTER-BAG OF TOBY. M.P. From Youse EnGLanp, Belvoir, Saturday. EAR Topsy, I sex by the papers that I am again on the point of retiring from — life in order to make way ‘or someone. I forget who it is this time, which is a misfortune, as that is the only touch of novelty in the situation, Man and boy, for the last fifteen years, I have, ac- cording to the newspapers, been on the point of retiring. Yet here I am, Member for Melton, Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, and Vice-President of the Committee of the Council on iculture. As ASHB-RNE says, am “always Melton but never disappear.” That I understand is a joke, and goes better with the assistance of Asx- B-RNE'S mellifiuous vocal delivery. But why should I retire more than any other of the younger Members of the Ministry? I own I am no longer as young as I was, but few of us are. Nature has been perhaps unkindly lavish in endowing me with a venerable appearance. But I am sti)l as young in heart and mind as I was when I used to walk arm in arm with Dizzy to call on Lady BL-ss-net-x. How well I remember his ringlets redolent with thy incomparable oil, O Macassar! his tasselled cane and his waistcoat festooned with chains of gold! I was a mere lad compared with him, and so was Grorez Sm-tue. But we both adored him, and I remember quite well one night Sm-Tux trying to curl my hair like his, Only the other day I came upon a letter written by my father to Lord Srr-Nor-RD, Sm-TuE's Papa. It is | fourty-four years old, but I remember all about the time, though of course 1 was not aware that my father and Lord Sra-Nor-kD were in correspondence on the subject. The Manchester Athenwum was just going to be opened, and Dizzy had been asked to deliver an inaugural oP sewed Sm-THeE and I were going down in his train, and our dear old fathers shook their heads. My father wrote in his stately way to Lord Srr-ner-xp: “‘I deplore as much as you do the influence which Mr. D-sr-11 has acquired over many of our young legislators, parti ly over your son and over mine. I have no personal knowledge of Mr. D-sr-11, and I have not an entire respect for his talents, of which I think he might make a better use. It is ttable that two young men like Jounw and Mr. Sm-rTue should allow hanaiives to be led away by a man of whose straightforwardness I have same opinion as yourself,—as I can only judge of it by his public career. The excellent dispositions of our sons render them only too susceptible to the seductions of an artful mind.” But I was saying, why should I retire more than St-N-L-Y, or Cr-neR-K, or Ca-ss, or, indeed, G-noy H-m-Lt-N? He was born a year or two after me, and is my junior as time is reck But you know him well, and will, I venture to say, testify that he is actually an older man than I, and has been ever since he left school. He is one of the men who were never young, and I, if I may say so, am of the kind who will never be old. On the threshold of this New Year I feel as if I were only beginning my career, ready to use my present position as a epringing-board for much higher flights. It is true I am on the verge of three-score years and ten. But what of that? Wasn’t Suem a hundred years old when still an active colonist? Or, not to go back so far, wasn’t Gt-pst-Ne almost sixty before he was Prime Minister ? Wasn’t Dizzy sixty-three? and wasn't P-.M-net-y, when be kissed hands on his appointment as First Lord of the Tyeesery, fully twelve months older than I am? and didn’t he live and rule for ten years? hat has been done may be done again, and I feel like doing it. I have lived through many c s, and shall see many more. Take the House of Lords for example. When | penned that deathless line which devoted to destruction our Laws, Commerce, and some other things which didn’t belong to me, asking only for the salvation of Our Old Nobility, the Peerage was very differently constituted from what it is now. You know how they count the years of some trees by the accumulated rings at their base; so I could count my age by the successive additions to the Peerage. vig I count C-1-r-per quite an cld Peer to-day, and, when I wrote about our Old Nobility, he was plain Mr. C-1-R-pex, Cr-ss and Cr-npR-K, AB-RD-RE, and even Su-ker-Ke begin, in my mind’s eye, to gather round their coronets the mistiness of respectable age. I do not doubt that I shall live to see the day when, looking round on newer batches of Peers, I shall re ard as among our Old Nobility Lord App-ner-wn, Lord B-s-ne, and the melodiously named Lord M-ou-n-m-nwz, Till then, on’t you believe any gossip you may hear about the retirement of | Yours Youthfully, J_uyw Weww-ns, HOW TO GET OUT OF IT. Tue following hints may be found useful to any shy and self-conscious person who, finding himself at the present festive season involved in a jovial family gather- ing that is expressing its hilarity by an indiscriminate recourse to the modern “ surprise” cracker, is determined to escape the temporary humiliation of arraying himself in the paper adornment it contains:—Go through your dinner with a frown of melancholy anticipation. When the crackers are at length produced, decline to pull one. {f forced to, instantly hand over the contents to your fair neighbour who holds the other end. If these happen to be either a comic pig’s head or a roomy bishop’s mitre, and she asks you just to try them on, smile benignly on her, and sa sag **couldn’t think of robbing a lady.” If Fy len | y your hostess with, ‘‘ Now, Mr. Smirun, you really must wear something!” pretend not to hear her, and tell somebody opposite, pointedly, how much you prefer “a good old-fashioned Christmas,” If the son of the house tries to bonnet you with a Turkish cocked hat, playfully pinch his legs and adroitly tearing the offending head-gear in half, laughingly observe that “‘ you’re sure it wouldn’t have fitted you.” On the fun getting fast and furious, and everybody but yourself assuming some form of ornamentation, endeavour to damp it, by audibly remarking to your next-door neighbour that you ‘* can’t conceive how a set of middle- aged people can make such idiots of themselves.” If, notwithstanding this, your host determines to force Ah me! the days that are no more? Doesn’t that last sentence hit us all three off? The too susceptible youngsters, the mature young man, oiled and | curled like an Assyrian bull, and the alert artfulness under the magnificent | calmness of his pompous manner. Bat, really, I am convicting myself of that | old age which my enemies accuse me of. I remember how garrulous H-cut-» got in his old days, and so did Br-cu-m and R-ss-Lt, sitting at the Sewan Gate, always piping about old times— Chiefs who no more in bloody fight engage, But, wise through time and narrative with age, In summer days like grasshoppers rejoice. I must fight against the tendency, and shall be truly obliged if you will not hesitate to give me a hint if you find me erring in that direction, either in our hand, and says, ‘‘ Come, Smiru, put on something. hy, you’re the only one of us who isn’t bonneted |” get up then and there, and, giving him a bit of your mind, leave the house with an indignant flourish. —— Putting By for a Rainy Day. “Lord Leveson, son of Earl Granvitin, accidentally swallowed a half-crown while doing some amateur conjuring at Walmer on Boxing Day. It is stated that up to the present he has suffered no inconvenience.”— Daily Papers. Waar the Half-crown said to the Young Man:— ‘* Frangas non flectes.” (The family motto of the correspondence or conversation. | GRANVILLES.) VOL, XCIV.

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then, Sorr,” says honest Par, “I * extiact craturs’ he spoke of.” PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Jaxvaey 14, 18°8. f 2 ~ nr 4 I TT TAAAL ' AM MR. PUNCH DRINKS THE HEALTH OF THE LATEST CENTENARIAN. “Tue Aprtication or Ir.”—Sir Rosert Batt, in an instructive and entertaining lecture delivered at the Royal Institution, described the Moon as presenting appearances of extinct craters. QoitTe Crear.—The President of the Association in the United States styled the ‘‘ Knights of Labour ” is accused, together “ Bedad, with two of his coadjators, of having misappropriated 100,000 wis the Moonlighters were the dollars of the society’s money daring the past year. If this be proved, it is evident that the delinquents are “* Kaights errant.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 15 A CABINET OF CURIOSITIES. ‘* Now, my friends,” said Lord Sarispvry, tating up his pen after the usual New-Year greetings | been exchanged. “ What shallwedo? Has any- | one a roti for the coming ,” | “If you want an ocean,” observed the Lorp CnaxceLtor, “‘you should apply at the Admi- ralty.” “My good Hatssury,” remonstrated the Prr- urer, “pray be serious. Recollect we have im- rtant a Ao to transact, and if you want to e funny, reserve yourself for the House of Lords. Presiding in the Peers you are always an amusing onan | now, oe tee, 7 dear col- 1 es, have you anything to suggest ?” “eT sn there is nothing fresh from Ran- poipH ?”’ queried Mr. Srawnopz, who took an interest in the movements of the would-be re- former of the War Darenets. ot No,” replied Sarispury. ‘“‘I fancy he has grown tired of the idea of succeeding Prince FxRDINAND in Bulgaria. It has been said that he purposes calling upon the Pops to put His Holiness right on several matters of doctrine, but nothing certain is known about his movements.” “The point is—ha! ha! ha!” guffawed the Frest Lory of the Treasury, liberally — the top row of his front teeth, ‘ whether he wi bother us. He! he! he! Ho! ho! ho!” * As he is said to intend to make a lengthy stay abroad, it is more than possible that he may return to Town to-morrow,” replied the Premier. ** Suf- ficient for the day is——” ‘The Marruews thereof,” put in Lord Hars- BURY with a smile. ‘‘Then for the moment we need not bother ourselves about Ranpoiru.” Viscount Cross rose from his chair, and seized the Lorp CHANCELLOR’s hand. ““My dear Lord,” he observed, with emotion, “that is the most sensible—nay, I think I may go so far as to add, the only sensible thing you have said for months! Bless you!” ‘Ts it too early to consider the Budget?” asked the CHanceLtor of the ExcHEQUER. “No,” replied the Paxmrer, “if any one has | Jaxcany 14, 1888.) really any good notion for increasing the revenue without an undue sacrifice of ity.” ‘*Seems to me that a licence should be required for every Railway Bookstall,” observed Earl Capogax. “* This would give the Government a hold upon the circulation of treasonable or libellous papeeiets, A licence might be revoked ” ST hoes oon all —_ th the Lord Pri “| have every wish toa i ivy Seal,” remarked Mr. W. H. Smira with un- customary gravity, ‘but I must in the name of the Press, ageing such an impost. Why, if every Railway Bookstall were taxed, the civilisa- tion of the last quarter of the Nineteenth Century would be shaken to its foundation! Tax Railway Bookstalls! Stuff and nonsense!” “You do not happen to know the name of the largest Proprietor of Railway Book-stalls ’” asked Mr. Matruews, the Home ‘ “Tam not quite sure!” said the T "s First Lord. “it may be a Mr. Brown, a Mr. Jones, or a Mr. Surrn, but I have a faint idea that someone has told me that the principal Railway Bookstall- keeper is a person of thename of WILLING.” “No doubt he is willing to be so,” put in the RD CHANCELLOR. ,, Zhis sally caused such a loud chorus of Resign!” that Lord Sattssury had to interfere. ‘Tam sure we all would regret the loss of our excellent friend.” Cries of “‘No! no!” *‘* Well, we should if he gave up the habit of making pointless puns.” A deadsilence, ‘‘ Thank you, thought so. After this expression of opinion, my new leaf, and any nonsense you want to publish until you are able to incorporate it in your customary abortive Lunacy Bill.” guages atk’ s ended Gramps aoanied with a comi dignity, left the room. 1 | of Civilization’ dear Hatssvry, I do hope you will turn over a ~ % \ ’ “A = “Ly 4 \ hy ¢ Neca HAD HIM THERE! Uncle Jim. “Here's nate A Mince Pie vor you, Tumuy. I NEED HARDLY REMIND A PERSON OF YOUR CLASSICAL CULTURE THAT ‘THE HALF IS GREATER THAN rue Wuors!’” Tommy. ‘‘ Quire so, UNCLE, A WaoLE One!” Bot, as I'm wor very Hunory, I ’Lt onty TAKE ** Now, that he’s gone, we can get to real business,” observed Lord Sarissvey. ** Well, my Lords and Gentlemen, what shall we do about Ireland ?” ** Ah, to be sure,” echoed all present. ‘** What shall we do about Ireland?” ** Must do something,” continued the Premier. **Certainly,” was the response, spoken in unison. ‘‘ Must do something, Why | it’s the subject of the hour!” Pe you would like to see a map of Ireland, so that we could get at a glanee the physical features of the country. I can easily get it.” This proposal was received with enthusiasm, and Lord Saxispvry left the room for a moment. And now a strange thing happened. When the Premrer returned t» the Council Chamber, he found it entirely empty. | Every member of the Cabinet had ay ! **T call that shabby!” said Lord Sazissury. ‘ Well, I sup Ireland must wait ; but we shall have to attend to the subject—some day.” And with a frown he returned to his own apartments, and only regained his habitual good temper after =a ing in a long inspection of some tho of carefully-preserved caricatures of r, GLADSTONE. Tae Chairman of the Conference of the National Society of Professional Musicians has been lamenting the success of the Gilbert-and-Sullivan Operas. Apparently the gentleman in question, whose name happens to be Dr. Hear, objects to the pile the a Collaborateurs have been making on the a the process, they have emoralised the taste of the musical public. But, ons the Doctor heaps up his charges, he does not sug: any way of solving the difficulty ; indeed, could he do so, and how how the British public could be made to take a permanent interest in serious opera, he would soon win the thanks of Mr. Cant Rosa, and that energetic impresario would assuredly greet him with a gleefal shout of ‘* Heap! Heap! Heap! Hooray!” “Tewrora Moranror.”—‘‘ Why change the head?” asked the Times, in its startling issue on the Centenary Festival Day, Monday, January 2, quoting from the Times (of Times ow | or Daily Universal Register, January 1, 1788. Quite so: “* Why change 7 ” now? Only if a title be required, why not ‘ Buckle’s History A Perrecr Ccore.—An impulsive gentleman, who was accustomed on frequent ‘occasions to utter ‘‘a big, big D,” determined to break himself of the habit. He reduced the big D to a little one, and for “I don’t care one‘ D——,’ he substituted ** I don’t care one penny,”’—i.¢., “1d.” Norge ow a Recenr Execrion.—Winchester voted Conservative before, and, in doing so agaia, the constituents only followed the ** Mos Majorum.”’

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. [January 14, 1888, THE HOME AND “THE HOUSE;” Or, Darby and Joan To-day. “An administration of the law by which the old and the helpless are removed from their children and their kindred into the workhouse, as a condition of relief . . . the refusal of out-door relief, except on the same condition, whereby a family is sold up, their home broken up, in all probability never to be reconstituted, and the whole family, old and young, charged for ever upon the rates. This condition is known at this time to be absolutely refused by an immense multitude of our suffering and deserving poor ; they wi e any privation of hanger and cold rather than break up their home.”’— From Out-door Relief,” by Cardinal Manning. Fortnightly Review for sndu La 1 \ yf 4 January, 1888. on Darby to Mr. Bumble, loquitur :— ** Come into the House!” is your cry; “it’s the Law, it’s the Regular Rale,” And I shrink, as I always have shrank, and you call me a stubborn old fool ; And old Iamsurely enough, ot x - haps I am foolish, who knows ? But we ’ve borne it a weary long while, and we’ll bear it, I hope, to the close. Darsy and Joan they call us, my foolish old woman and me, Because of our clinging to- gether; we’re sixty years wed do you see, ‘\ And parting this \ side of the churchyard is woes Be san wef — 2 neither abide ; And all of them say it is folly, and some of them swear it is pride. Pride! Well, we did know it once in our own little long-ago way, Sixty years since, Mr. Bomare, when I was in work, with good pay, And yonder old bedstead was new, and the eldest of seven just born, And Joan had the light in her eyes, and a cheek like the breaking of morn. Bat ~~ in these rubbishing rags, in our lonely half-sightless old selves, The hearth that is empty of fuel, the bareness of cupboards and shelves ? Nay, nay, but it’s foolish to think on ; the pride that the parsons so blame, Was long ago banished by hunger, burnt out of our bosoms by shame. But obstinate ’—yes, I suppose so, for love is the stubbornest thing, The weaker they grow, our old arms, why the closer and tighter they cling. Our children are dead or are fled, I am eighty years odd and nigh blind, et ~ bid us “* Come into the House!” and no doubt you consider it’s ind. “Sweet Home!” dear ? — Bat that music, no doubt you will tell us, would sound like mere mockery here. Home! when there isn’t a crumb-feast to tempt the lean scuttering mouse ! Little of home-feel is here, but we doubt there’d be less in the House. Ah, you may argue, and argue! G» argue the bird from its nest, The dog from the side of its master, the babe from its mother’s warm breast. I'he nest may be torn, and the man may be poor, and the mother ill-clad, Bat the instinct that clings is too strong for the reason that rates it as mad. I’m mad, without doubt, in your eyes; and the Poor Law, of course that is Bane, To crouch by the Union fire, nothing empty, save bosom and brain, No hunger, but that of the heart, no fear save that terror untold, That creeps at the thought of “the House” to the breast of the helpless and old : The fear that to you is as foolish as babyhood’s dread of a ghost, To linger unloved and alone ’midst an alien uniformed host Of strangers alone and unloved, broken waifs that the world cannot miss ;— You = tell us—and how shall we answer him, Joaw ?—must be better than is JOAN, my Joax, who would then be but little more mine than the dress, They od wrap round these rag-covered limbs, can we hope to make gentle- Olk guess, The terror, the tearing asunder, the wrenching from love's latest hold, The void that’s more awful than hunger, the palsy more dreadful than cold? Our friend here is getting impatient. Perhaps, were no memories ours Of the sunlight that shone on our prime, we should slink from the shadow that lours we have sung in our time,—eh, Joaw, you remember, my | Into any retreat. We were taxed in our prosperous days like the best, And pride would scarce stay our old feet from the road to | a haven of rest. But who calls the House such a haven? Not those who have herded therein, . ‘ Keep out of it, Danny,” they ery, “ whilst a coin ora erust you can win.” : Badged, brow-beaten, ranked without heed to the links of alifetime? No, no! F | The road to the grave, though ’tis hard, is a road we would far rather go. So help to the helpless must come, say our Masters, or come not at all. | A choice between heart-break has thrust to the wall. : Is that a wise Country’s last word to its aged ones? Well. you have mine; And you call me a stabborn old fool! Joan! Joaw! be content, I decline! No, Joan, I am not to be taken. am here, and hunger for those fate Be comforted, wife, I (then, my dear. | We scarcely can see one another; take hold of my hand, bot nad though perhaps were Nay, I’m not yielding, you warm, and we Ah! pardon, old wife; we’re together, the word that should part us unsaid. * * > Mr. Bumble loquitur : — Dead! In each other’s thin arms clasped close, as they wished, to the end! | Yes, I called him a stubborn old fool, and the fool wouldn’t know his best friend. Pah! but the poor are as mulish all round, as though beggars might choose. vice could awake in him now, I suppose it would wake—to refuse. Maddening, folly like this, to a mind that’s official and clear ! [for many a year! Dead, in the damp, chilly den where they’ve huddled Whilst the Union gates are ajar, and the Union pallets are spread, With a Poor Law shaped all for their good, and they spurned at its help, and they ’re dead ! | Wouldn’t be parted, forsooth! Could not argue them free of that scare,* | With talk of indulgence for age, or of Guardians’ dis- eretion. The pair, Like hundreds of couples, seemed crazed on the point, and persuasion Was vain. Bogey tales of the House are the creed of the credulous poor, and their bane. |Darpy and Joan! Itisdismal. What good has it done | them to die, [but here, in this stye ? Clasped close, but with famine-pinched faces, together, It’s folly; it’s worse, it’s a nuisance. And yet they look peaceful-like. Come! | They ’ve escaped from the House, after all, and, poor fools, let us trust they ’re—at Home! * With reason or without, it is commonly impossible to per- suade the aged poor that they have any assurance of 1ot being separated when once in “the House ;” that the Guardians have any discretion in the matter, or, having it, are likely to use it in their favour. The old couple whom the writer has in his mind were impervious to argument on this point.—Ep. If a ve ‘*Dor anp Go Ong,” is Mr. Toore’s motto in reviving this effective Christmassy piece, which is far from being in its dot-age. Dot and go like one o'clock it probably will, until the new piece by the Partners Merrivale been sufficiently rehearsed. Mr. Toote as Caleb Plum- mer (which in one paper’s notice was misprinted ‘* Cable”’ Plummer, thus giving the comedian plenty of rope) is seen to great advantage, and naturally considering that the old Dickens-Bvucicault drama would draw money during the Christmas holidays, looks upon this Dot asa “ee spec.” Ture Tueatatcat Governine Bopy.—The Board of Fire- Works.

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eS eo pee "a Janvary 14, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. 17 ANOTHER RHYME. Being a few more ‘* Lines” offered, with Mr. Punch’s compliments, to the Editor of the ‘‘ Fortnightly,” as some little assistance to the despairing Poet Swinburne, who could only get one rhyme to ** Babe.” Bane, if rhyme be none None can tell in metre, To that bald head word _ What your smile is worth, Babe, most dribbling one | Since swift flight grows fleeter Ever heard, At your mirth. Right is it to stump | Still, whate’er you may be, p and down, in view Bald, em lime ! Of a round and plump “Babe” I can’t like “‘ baby” Thing like you ? Fit with rhyme. Meet is it that rhyme ** Astrolabe’s” too schoolish, Should give you your place, ** Great Maccase’s ” too new, Liken dumpling prime Nigger’s ‘‘ gabe’s”’ too foolish. To your face P None will do. Could wild night cats raise Stop though! Let Baby “ Such a howl? What sound nd gimble in the wate? Like your squeal ys That’s it! Yields Carrott’s lyre All hearts round Rhyme for Babe / POSTED UP. DgaR Mr. Poncu,—I crave your sympathy and, if possible, your pro- tection from a daily and ever-increasing nuisance that aon me, I refer to the apparently i ible stream of prospectuses, circulars, stock and share lists, touting advertisements, charity applications, stock-jobbers’ letters, that flows into my letter-box with every post, and which, did I not struggle against it with all my might and main, would literally overwhelm me. Now, my dear Sir, I am a plain indi- vidual, of no special notoriety, living in a quiet West End square, and my name is down in the Court Guide, and ibly in a local Directory. Bat it happens also to be down somewhere as a holder of a few Mining Shares, and I am known to possess some Railway Stock. And this is quite enough. Forthwith, I appear to be selected as a target by the Secretary of every possible and impossible ‘‘ concern ” that thefolly of the greedy — or the chicanery of the enterprising promoter sets on foot. 1 am showered with Prospectuses. hg A a in on me | literally in hundreds. Silver Mines in Mexico, Gold Mines in South | Africa, Land M in Canada, all got up with enticing coloured | diagrams and maps of the various “‘ estates,”’ ‘‘ lodes,’”’ and *‘ shafts,”’ that are to secure me at once from 15 to 40 per cent. on my paid-up capital, to say nothing of a thousand and one ventures nearer home, in the shape of ‘* Family Fog Signal” Companies, ‘‘ Noiseless Draw- ing-Room Cart-wheel ” Companies, ‘‘ Patent Automatic Double Tooth Extracting” Companies, I know not what other appeal to me! everlastingly for my financial support. Nor is this all. Advertising stock-jobbers, as if my whole life were one prolonged eS ees in the Mone arket, beset me with entreaties to f them any amount one to five thousand pounds in the shape of *‘ cover ”’ to enable them to havea free hand for me and “‘ realise handsome profits” in some ‘‘ good thing” or other that they, from special sources of information of their own, pew. 7 ooent Lola n --. Nothing oo neg Se persistence and push ‘of named as ies. They pester me in ever increasing shoals week after week. Then there are the endless | charity applications, generally accompanied by a small {novelette or some other form of brief but Ur dramatic literature, and last, but not least of all, the “* ci ” of the enterprising Tradesman who, in his desire to escape a swift and direct transmission to the waste- | paper basket, any invades me in some artfully designed officia guise, and by either sealing his envelope with the Royal Arms, or conspicuously printing on it some such go as ‘‘ On Her Majesty’s Service,” or ‘* With the Prime Minister's pliments,”’ deludes me into opening it, and for a moment becoming familiar with its touting contents—or rather, I should say he did, for I am on my guard now, and am fairly roused ; and for the last fortnight, driven to desperation, have met the evil in the only 1 ye way ; viz., by consigning the whole contents of my letter-box, whenever they have been brought up to straightway to the fire. As a matter of fi I have found that by so doing I have destroyed several valuable and important and among them a Demand-note for Liven Rates, a County eo Pa o ie from an executor enclosing a large a lease of a friend’s house— the disappearance of all re one I need scarcely say, is causing me no little inconvenience. Bat what is this to triumphant sense of having for onee been equal to the Prospectus-mongers! Not that I have quite done that yet, but I will yet manage to evade them. _ Last iruseday I nailed up my letter-box, and the Postman has since shovelled the hourly i t to my house down the area. The Cook endeavoured to dispose of this yesterday, with the result of setting the kitchen chimney on fire. I have now some thoughts of y leaving my end changing my name, or even of | emigrating, or picking a personal quarrel with the Postmaster- General. Lea S on the verge of doing something desperate. But you, my dear Mr. Punch, will, I know, understand the morbid state of tension that can be induced, by the circumstances I have described, and appreciate the feelings of _ Yours, despairingly, A Vicrim oF THE ADVERTISING Post. OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Tus XIXth Century, ‘this so-called Nineteenth Century.” the Magazine, that is, forthis month, is peculiarly interesting. Sir Henry Tompson woul, sensibly and cautiously, ** The poegrene of Cremation,” whish ia not yet ~ ing question”’ likely to y ~ occurred to an (not “ my . oan] ro common, ARRISON’S writings to ask wh "this iant author has never produced a comedy? or why, if unable to construct a plot, has he never collaborated as a writer of comedy dialogue? The anxious inquirer will find a satisfactory answer in the second article of this Magazine, entitled ‘“‘The Two Paths,” which recalls to us the palmy days of Dr. Barlow, sweetly conversing with Harry and Tommy, or the epigrammatic s contained in the Easy Lessons by Manta Encewortn. We have one good word to say for it, and with this he himself es us; “the word is” as the charade-players say, ‘‘ Book-trotter,” meaning a ‘* Variety reader” as distinct from a student. But wouldn’t ‘* Book-skipper” be better? What cheer, ~re And isn’t the Skipper just the person who would keep a og. and when anything remarkable was ‘‘found,” wouldn’t the per ‘* make a note of it,” and on he skips in? Still, Book-trotter is , and we thank Freperic-without-the-‘k’ (quite right to get rid of all superfluous letters—only why not have sacri- ficed the “‘e” and retained the “k”—thus “‘Faepertx?”) for teaching us the word. Yes, Parepprarik, we like book-trotting and book-trotters: agreeable, superficial, sociable persons, and usually good company. In the third essay Matr AgNoLp ‘‘ goes for” Suxt- LEY; in the eighth, Mr. Justice Srepaen has r number three with Professor Sr. Gzorcz Mivant; the Dragon always had a poor chance with St. George, though apparently the odds were on the monster. Mr. Justice wants to have the Professor up before him, and sentence him out of hand. The Professor con- ducts his own defence, and is able to take care of himself. A. C. Swivsckye, who in the Fortnightly for Jan has such a difficulty in rhyming to “ babe,” sends an article to The XIXth Century, dated from Hanwell. The locality is its explanation and excuse. Altogether, The XIXth Century " ver James. Know es, makes a good start in the New Year. Apropos of Poet Swiv- BoRNE and Hanwell, has the lecture of some eminent medical man met his eye, treating of the melancholy end which awaits all punsters, and, if so, has he in defiance of this eminent person written this line in his Locrine— “ What boots it though thou plight thy word to boot ?” which the Poet clearly—that is, as clearly as ible—meant for a pun, and a bootifal one, too, he thought it. If he didn’t intend a | pun on the word boot, then that’s quite another pair of shoes. Away to Hanwell, where perhaps I may foregather with the Jubilee Browyine, and yet remain your devoted, Baron DE Book Worms. TO “THE TIMES.” (Lines on the celebration of its Centenary, freely adapted from The Hunchback,”’) ‘*T’ vz known him since I was achild. E’en then The morn I t ht a very weary one, That brought Master WALTER. * ©¢ Writers then, Men of great skill and learning, wrote for one Who ruled them—Master WaLren. ity What was dull A word from Master Watrer made as clear As daylight. * * Master Water came, and comes, Summer and winter still, without or with A double sheet of supplement, and still a. Comes Master Waren, as of yore, price threepence !

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[Jancary 14, 1887, ALONG, Jack, * OH, NOTHING. LONDON IDYLS. Algernon (the Heir\. ‘‘ AWPYULLY KIND OF Mas. Maswam To Give vs A Lier. Jack the Detrimental (his Younger Brother). ‘‘ Yas. By THE WAY, TALK(NG OF SQUEEZES, IT STRUCK ME VERY FORCIBLY, DRIVING THAT YOU'D GOT HOLD oF ONE or Miss Lavra Masnam’s HANDS!” Algernon. ** WELL, YOU MEDDLING YouNG IproT! wHatT if I #40?” Onty I’p Gor HOLD or THe OrHER, YoU KNOW ” SUT IT WAS RATHER A Squeeze, gH?” BALFOUR’S “ IRREPRESSIBLE” DONKEY. Atn.—*' The King of the Cannibal Islands,” Og! have you heard—but of course you have— Of a curious creature, as stubborn as brave, An iron-heeled kicker, a buck-jumping knave, Called the Irrepressible Donkey ? The “ Blondin Donkey ” is full of his tricks, But the Irrepressible easily licks His Music-Hal! model in capers and kicks ; And the cleverest rider is found in a fix, When he sidles up to the animal’s side, Flings o’er the saddle his legs astride, And rides, or rather essays to ride, The Irre ible Donkey. See him straddle, behold him rear ! The cleverest rider may well feel fear, And cling to the neck, or hold on by the ear, Of the Irrepressible Donkey. ” This slechioveus “moke” is an awkward yrute, And apt from the saddle to suddenly shoot The would-be Balaam who doesn’t suit The Irrepressible Donkey. Many a Balaam that seat hath had, Riders good, and riders bad, But Tory, Liberal, Whig, or Rad, This dreadful donkey has driven them mad. Fousrer fazzy, and BaLrour tall, Hicks-Bracu, Morvey, each and all, At one time or other, have had a fall From the Irrepressible Donkey. See him straddle, &e. BaLrour mounted as well as most, And some of his friends are beginning to That he’s a right Raggy, who will not be tost From the Irrepressible Donkey. Of Donkey-riding he has the gift Is up to each asinine struggle and shift, Can make the animal feel his heft, And prone on his back will never be left. Batrour, they say. is a blessed boon, He ’ll treat as the Colonel treated the coon, And make dance, soon, to a genteel tune, The Irrepressible Donkey. Bee him straddle, &c. Well, that, of course, remains to be seen ; At present the creature is prancing, | ween ; There still seems some “ devil,’ and plenty of spleen. In the Irrepressible Donkey. Round he goes with his hoofs asprawl, His mouth gapes wide, and his teeth aren’t small, With his ears laid back, and his tail to the Ww He doesn’t appear a nice ‘‘ mount” at all. To brave BaLrour and his * resolute” Chief Twill be a great joy, andarealrelief, To find there ’s one rider does not come to grief With the [rrepressible Donkey. See him straddle, and stamp, and rear ! Look at his grinders, and twig his ear! He’ll = want a good deal of *' riding,” I ear— The Irrepressible Donkey ! **A SELF-EDUCATING PROFESSION.” Iw consequence of his distinguished suc- cess at Berlin, Mr. Caantes Wrnpuaw, will, it is probable, play David Garrick at St. Petersburgh. The play has been already sub- mitted to the Chiet of the Detective Police, who is still on attempting to discover the plot. Mr. WrypHam assured the Head of the Department that there is nothing in it—meaning the plot not the head—but this sounded so like Nihilism in it, that the play will now have to undergo the severest scrutiny. Mr. Coartes WrNrHam will play the part in Russian. The title of the piece will be Davidoff Garrickski. It is understood in certain well-informed circles that Mr. Hewny Irvine (who in spite of all reports to the eatery, is quite well, we are very A ae to hear, and doing first-rate business. e always did think his business very good, especially as Mephistopheles, Louis the Eleventh, and Mathias) is studying Spanish and Portuguese, in order to play a round of his favourite characters at Madrid and Oporto. Mr. Toote is studying Spanish in order to appear at Madrid as Don Paulus Prios, but iss Luypew has requested him to defer his engagement in the Fiji Islands for another ws or one, in order bP ay her to oo a thorough mastery o: e language. me Sandwich Island men have already been sent on in advance with the board-advertisements. “Ow ’Caance.”’—Quaotation for the New Year, 1# (1888).

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Janvary 14, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 21 THE SHALLABALAH MAHARAJAH; Or The Confessions of an Indian Prince. I’xt tell you the adventures of a Famous Indian Prince, You needn’t start as the news I impart, ‘ I’m the Shallabalah Ma’rajah ! By . , I’ve been lionised in England, and haven’t got over it since, For the truth to tell, a terrible swell Is the Shallabalah a’raj ‘ I’m overwhelmed with gold, and so can while away my time ; My suite is large, my costumes grand, my jewels too sublime, And I look like Harry NicHotts in a Christ- mas Pantomine, And you know how, to curtsy and bow, Ma’rajah. I came to London,— — I’d better say ow 1 begun, half such a nob, As the Shallabalah Ma’ rajah. Mansions and | threw them into one, With a door for you, and the other two, For the Shallabalah Ma’ rajah. dinners, and you wrote the words ‘‘ To meet His Highness the MawARAJAH,” on your cards for the élite, And you gave me much to look at, tho’ there wasn’t much to eat, And a ninepenny hock, which you placed in stock, For the Shallabalah Ma’rajah. I was carted off to Pictures, Playhouse, Party, Concert, Ball, And ho! the rush, of extra t gush, For the Shallabalah Ma’rajah. And oft to your House of Parliament—the greatest trial of all, And once,—or more, you detected a snore, From the Shallabalah Ma’rajah. , | Then crowds I asked to dine off Curry, Bombay Duck and Spice, With pounds and pounds of Garlic and a ton or two of rice,— The latter very wholesome, and most filling at the price— And I made them drink, the pure Indian Ink, Of the Shallabalah Ma’rajah. I got so bored of Town—I thought to get beyond your reach Of friends—a host—suggested a coast, For the Shallabalah Ma’rajah. So I took a row of houses with a view of sea and beach, But the mob was shrewd, and hotly pursued, The Shallabalah Ma’ rajah. And nobles called from Hanley, Barnsley, Leeds and Preston Pans, With Yarmouth Trippers, Cotton-brokers, Welsh and Highland ns ; Busans, Who broke his brace, while bowing with grace, To the Shallabaleh Ma’rajah. I was summoned to Windsor Castle, and I thought a lot of that, A carriage saloon, was fitted up soon, For the Shallabalah Ma’rajah. At the Castle I was kept awaiting hours on the mat— With an aged Peer, who a sneer, oo ak panne eeiah sai wn some precious tapestries, some pictures and a jar, And then I was invested with a precious bats and star, And the aged Peer i mpsnong me with a presioas bad cigar, With a wink of his he bade a -bye, To the Shallchalak Mavojch. To the Shallabalah | For no Nabob, was! You asked me out i And a swell whose name was Buaaiyxs, but who called himself | I’ve seen the glorious Million and the » pasion Upper Ten, And bear in mind, they were all of them kind, To the Shallabalah Ma’rajah. And I’ve seen your splendid sailors, and your military men, And a word of advice, I think will suffice From the Shallabalah Ma’rajah. I’ve heard you do not want to fight—by Jingo if you do? You’d better one yous guns don’t burst, or bayonets break in two, And po ironclads, ehould rest upon,—not under the ocean blue. may be wrong—but that is the song, Of the Shallabalah Ma’rajah. THE HOLIDAY CONVERSATION-BOOK. Axsout SypEnHAM, Paterfamilias. And so, my dear children, you have been to the Crystal Palace ? ‘ _ Maria. Yes, dear Papa, as By directed—third-class and carrying in our pockets each a packet of sandwiches. Pater, That is right, my dears. The joint spirit of economy and self-reliance should govern our our earliest years. And now that you have seen that magnificent home of all that is beautiful in Nature and Art, the Crystal Palace, tell me what glorious exhibit most attracted your attention. Was it the Court of the Alhambra, the Pompeian House, or the fine collection of plaster casts ? Johnny. Not one of the three, dear Papa,—we were most pleased with the Pantomime. Pater. Was it a good one? Maria. A very good one. It was called Robinson Crusoe, and was written originally by the late Mr. H. J. Brnon. | Pater. Dear me, it must have been the old Princess’s Pantomime, . mag Espinosa appeared. He played, I remember, the part of riday. Harry. Mr. D’ Avpan takes it now, Papa. Pater, And it could not be in better hands. And now, little Gerorey, what did you think of the ballet ? George. Booful, boofal—booful ickle exter ladies. Pater, What does the little man, mean? Maria. I fancy, dearest Papa, that little Groreie wishes us to ‘understand that the ballet was perfect, from the premiére danseuse down to the extra ladies. George. ’Es—that’s what ickle Gzorcre means, Booful, booful ! Pater. And the scenery ? Maria. Was charming. The dresses were also in excellent taste. | | | Mr. Wittram Riewoxp too (who I think I have heard you say is an excellent melodramatic actor) was capital as King Tyranny. Pater. And were you pleased with the heslenminndo t James. It was not so refined as the ing. Some of the Clown’s | jokes savoured more of the East than West End. | Pater. And after seeing the Pantomime I suppose you hurried away to revel in the treasures of Art? | Maria. That no doubt was our inclination, but it being Christmas time, we considered it better to tpone the revel you suggest for | the moment, and as an alternative pleasure to dash into an Enter- | tainment of a Conjuror and a lady called AsTarTE. Pater. I trust that the excellence of the show compensated for the loss of the rich intellectual treat you apparently sacrificed in order to attend it ? James. The Conjuror had rather a melancholy manner. I feel that should I ever wish to see him again (which is improbable), I would prefer to renew his acquaintance during Lent. Pater. And, after this, I suppose you all rushed to the Egyptian Court to inspect the interesting mural inscriptions with their vari- coloured hieroglyphics ? Maria, No doubt we should have done this, dearest Papa, had it not now become too dark to identify them. So we went instead to |see Mr. Snazecte and some Dissolying Views, in another part of the building. Pater. And were you satisfied ? James. More than satisfied. We were so pleased with Mr. Sya- ZELL@—who appeared to us to be an admirable jian—and his Dissolving Views, that it was with the utmost difficulty we tore ourselves away from them both to catch a train. Our regret was the more acute, as at the time of our departure Mr. Swazetiz, dressed as Mephistopheles, was singing a ern comic song. Pater. Well, my dears, you seem to have enjoyed yourselves thoroughly, and as, from what you say, you appear to take more delight in intellectual prowess than mere scenic display, you shall all pay (the only thing you will have to pay, as admission is gratis) a oe visit on Thursday to the Museum of Practical Geology in Jermyn Street. wee Omnes. Oh, thank you, dearest Papa! That will indeed be delightful ! TueaTricaL Frae-Fi1es,—The “ Flies” of Theatres.

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(Jancary 14, 15t8, ; PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. “FIAT EXPERIMENTUM,” &c. Scenz—A Christmas Family Gathering at a Country House. Old Bachelor Guest (violently awakened out of his morning snooze). “Who ’sH THERE?” The Grandchildren (shouting in chorus, and banging at his door). ‘‘Oa, Mr. BuLKLEY—pLease—Mr. BULK’kY—TO GET UP—AND GO on THe Porwp—’Pa savYs—'caUse—GRAN MA SAYS—WE MAY—IF IT'LL BEAR You—itT LL Bear Us!!” HUSBANDS AND HUSBANDRY. A Specimen of the Romantico- Fiscal Fiction of the Future. “ Last year was the worst ever recorded for marriages in England... . What is still more remarkable is that this falling off in the wedding rate coincided with a low price of wheat. ... The fall of the marriage rate, declares the Registrar-General, ‘ coincides with a decline in the value per head of British exports.’ "’—Daily Telegraph. ‘*O Hymen, Hymen, reillume thy torch!” So sorrowfully sighed the lovely Lady Psycue FeaTHERFLIGHT. There had not m a wedding worth calling a wedding in Englend for full five years. The fashionable fanes of St. George’s — St. Margaret's were as deserted as the pillared aisles of Palmyra. And the Lady Psycue was the unhappiest girl in all England. _ She loved, in the fearless old fashion, of course,—but all fashions of love were old now,—young Waren Wueateark of Rockferry Farm. To all appearances she might as well have adored Mount Athos, or worshipped Arthur’s Seat. * Psycur,,” said her Mother, ‘I believe it is all the result of Science, and Socialism, and Statistics, and things,—especially those horrid Statistics, which seem to me to upset everything, ond which I think are most wicked and impious, besides being so shockingly dry and boring. The world went very well before your GoscuEns and Girrens went in for tabulating everything, from heart-throbs to corn-imports, from yoy ave to the Marriage-rate.” “Well, Hymen is the chief of the Unemployed now, Mamma, at any rate,” moaned the Lady Psrcuez. ’ *How can you joke on such a serious subject, Psycuz?” cried the elder lady, flouncing impatiently away. , “If Statistics have done it all,” sighed Lady Psycus, ‘I only wish they were tied round Mr. Goscuen’s neck and cast into the——” “Nothing of the sort, my poor girl,” answered a honey-toned voice. It came from a handsome who—in November—might have been taken for a sort of lorifed link-boy, h more lightl clad than that function in that season might Dag Sn 9 —_ **Oh, you Aave returned, then?” cried Lady PsYcHR, recognising him instantly. Where Aare you been hidin “I’ve been studying Fair Trade with Howarp Vincent,” answered Hymen. “*The wretch!” ejaculated Lady Psycue, viciously. ‘‘I don’t mean you,” she hastened to explain, “‘ but Howarp Vincent, for ane you all this while in the interests of his most precious a ” ** You don’t understand,” said the youth, pityingly. “‘ It is no fad, but a fatality. Sine Cerere et Baccho friget Venus. Of course you understand that, In the absence of Ceres and Bacchus, Venus grows cold. Without corn and wine, Love loses warmth. And as you've chosen to turn the cold shoulder upon Ceres, can you wonder if she has chilled towards you?” ** What do you mean?” cried Lady Psycue. ‘* Simply that wheat is at so absurdly low a fi , that it doesn’t ay the British farmer any longer to produce it,” answered Hrmen. * Verb. sap./”’ And he vanished. yourself ?’ “ Ceres, to thee belongs the votive lay, Whose locks in radiance round thy temple play,” sang the Lady Psycuz WHEATEAR. “*They cannot play more my | round the goddess’s temples than do yours round your rosy brow, Psycukr.” responded her adoring husband, fanning her fair flushed face (flashed with mingled love and August heat, as she bent over her baby’s berceaunette) with a ony et ~ ae Lane —— - 4 , ** Hush ! isper not a wo even comparative disparagemen of the ‘rich-haired daughter of Rhea,’ or nobody knows what may happen,” cried Lady Psycux. ‘She may get hump—I she may take well justified offence again, = know, WALTER, then the price of corn will come down, and marriage-rate with it, and GLabstone—gr-r-r!—may come back, and Howarp Viscent and Hyrmew go way again, and Free Trade and Universal Spinster- hood be re-establis and the Cobden Club be set up again, and the ** Cheap Loaf” heresy spread once more, and that omnivorous ogre,

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t* | = 8 || an“ ~~ co A@2ees &F Jaxvaby 14, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 23 ai “& i/ / /}* ») ~ : , 2 G 4 44, C2 - Ve - A, 4, a oa iF ( 7) Z y one’ A aE ZS me | haar Juruce~ ZF ie = | ; \) ee aah J \ “ALL OVER THE PLACE!” OR, MR. GLADSTONE’S DREAM IN FLORENCE. “ Farmer, “ Strange and Husbandry (of another) sacrifice M Economie Orthodoxy!” * commodity most ied wr nvr ee SS FoR @ enamoured Psrcug, after all, is the only true Economist ! ” e Consumer,” consume Corn, and consequently Connubiality, off the face of py lish) earth, ~ “Hush, hush, do hush!” and—— interjected the shocked Gentleman he ingly, ‘that there , musin should be so close a relati: ip between Wadheniry (of one sort), Fancy Mankind being willing to atrimony to such things as Cheap Food, Statistics, and “‘ Womankind never was!” interposed Psrcur. ‘Which shows how much wiser we women are than you men.” “Women,” smiled the uxorious greatest ‘staple,’ our most important ‘interests,’ our most valuable our ible ‘ resources ’’””—— FEATEAR, ‘“‘are, after all, our py eng Be | inexhausti le oe =e y,” cried his wife, archly. ‘ Hardly ‘inexhaustible. ‘‘ How not?” queried the mystified WBEATEAR. “ Why,” Psrcur, ‘‘ because great resources as they as | are, *, are resources which require to be hushanded !” Ha! ha! ha!” laughed the one, exuberantly. ‘‘ My PLAYED OUT. Tue Ameer of Aronanistay, being mortally afraid of an ultimate English occupation of his coun by which he can e sure has had before him various plans ing the dreaded invader out. Among the suggestions submitted to him were :— 1. To import Mr. Micnazt Davrrt, Mr. Ditton, and other eminent Irish Home-Rulers, and get them to take up their Cabul. Puddle Muddle Gazette. | Income-Tax-collection once a week. — gurdy players to set up in his dominions. residence at 2. To start a Christmas Day once w month. 3. To start an 4. To ask a colony of hurdy- 5. To have a Cabul 6. To represent Afghanistan as a second and rather worse Burmah. And 7, to introduce the Scotch bagpipes | to his people. | Here is a chance for distressed Crofters! will be to Mac Apputanaman! What a rush there Sweers ayp Birrens.—Mrs. Ram says she understands the Sugar Bounties to mean a bolus on the exportation of sugar.

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{[Janvary 14, 1888, = PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. OUR DEBATING CLUB. An RBvening of Incident—Duff wounds Cockbull’s feelings —The | Hon. Sec. proves his acquaintance with the Rules—the Debate is brought to a close in an unprecedented manner. Ir is just about a year ago that one of our meetings was attended, not only by most of the regular members, but also by an incident of so startling and unusual a nature, that we are all of us a little shy of alluding to it, even now. The motion we were discussing was one which ever Bye any a strong fascination for the more speculative order of mind, being to this effect: “That this House is strongly of opinion that the existence of what are vulgarly known as ‘Ghosts’ is sufficiently established by credible testimony to be accepted as a positive fact.” CocKBULL, who p the motion, after a most eloquent and exhaustive speech lasting over three-quarters of an hour, and freely punctuated towards its close by the President's bell, concluded thus : ** And now, Sir, as far as was possible in the limits afforded me ”— * ping-ping”’ from the bell) —** I have quoted, I think, every instance | to of a supernatural appearance recorded since mankind first began to | observe these phenomena with any attention.” (This was no idle boast ; the number and variety of CocKBULL’8 cases, and the masterly | manner in which he narrated them, had reduced almost every Gargoyle to a condition of “‘ gooseflesh” and erected hair.) ‘* Ihave also mentioned a striking experience of a female member of my own | family.” (*‘‘ Ping-ping.”) “I shall be very little longer, Mr. Presi- | dent. Without having the presumption to suppose that the few and | feeble””—(** No, no!” and another faint “ pi Aone L repeat, the few and feeble words I have uttered to-night will have had the effect of | roving Ghosts absolutely up to the hit —I do venture to think that | have succeeded in setting Spectres up before you to-night as solid | facts, deserving of our earnest, our reverent, and philosophical | attention and support. I do presume to believe ’—(*' ping-ping- ping '”")—‘‘ I have just done, Sir—that the Hon. Member who is | down to follow me to-night will find it less easy than he imagines to demolish, discredit, and explode a thing so rooted and intertwined with our most cherished prejudices and traditions as what, to use the terms of my motion, is ‘ vaigarly known as aGhost.’” (Enthusiastic applause.) a PLoMLar Dorr, who had undertaken to oppose, got up with an offensive assumption of bringing the discussion down to a matter-of- fact level. Dorr is a good fellow, but he doesn’t seem to know when he is utterly out of touch with the general sympathy of the meeting. ** The Hon. Gentleman,” began Durr (with the heavy humour he omploys at times), ‘ says he doesn’t believe I shall find it easy to ex- plode one of his ghosts.” (Jt was so like Dorr to fasten on a verbal expression of that sort—but we never consider this fair argument). - A more dol. Let him bring me a ghost, and if the thing will oblige me by remaining long enough to give me time to strike a light, | don’t mind attempting—for the Hon. Gentleman’s satisfac- tion—to ignite the gas, of which I should expect to find it largely composed.”’ (A slight movement of distaste among several Gargoyles | at this ponderous flippancy.) **T don’t think I risk much in making this offer, and I'll tell you why,—I haven’t the slightest belief in any | such rubbish.” (Here a sharp rap sounded from the middle of the table, just in front of him, and the President called “* Order,” with a slight frown.) ** We've been told to-night of ghosts that moaned, | strain for the intellect to bear. Here there was quite a scene ; CocKBULL sprang up, quivering with emotion. **T appeal to you, Mr. President,” he said, “‘ whether I am to be subjected to these unseemly taunts! It is extremely painful to me to explain that the reason why I am unable to bring my relative here to-night, is, that,” (here his voice broke)—“‘ she—she is no more. She was my great-great-aunt, and expired in the latter part of last century.” A murmur of sympathy with him, and marked disapproval of Dorr, after which Pincenry said: ** Order, please. Mr. Prumiey Dorr, I think it is not advisable to drag any member’s deceased relatives into this debate —they are scarcely relevant.” At this, Fappet. rose, with a copy of the Rules: “I am vy reluctant to challenge your ruling, my lud—I mean, Sir—but may draw your attention to Rule 53, sub-section (6) :—‘* A remark is relevant, if it refers to a statement by a previous speaker, which the President has not at the time declared to be itself irrelevant.’ I sub- mit, Sir, with all respect, that, as you did not rule the ae ane out atthe time, Mr. Dorr was perfectly in order in referring er.” .outory, and ‘‘ Shut up!” from one much excited Gargoyle. ** Well,” said Porceney, coldly (considering FADDELL a nuisance —which, to be candid, he occasionally is), ‘‘ Go on, Mr. Durr.” (Here a perfect shower of angry raps proceeded from the table, actually upsetting some of the ink, and spirits-and-water ; several members drew back their chairs and looked pale and un- comfortable. ‘**[—I[ will just say something on the question of ogg clothes,” said Durr (one resounding bang lower down the table, after which we all glanced at one another, meaningly), ‘‘ but—but after that expression of opinion, I—I will sit down. . . I should like, before I do so, to assure the Hon. Proposer of my deep ag ge with him in a bereavement to which, had I known it earlier, I should not have permitted myself an allusion.” (‘‘ Hear! Hear !’’) After this, we sat for some time in awed silence; little Bosuzr was the first man with presence of mind enough to look under the table, but he reported that he saw nothing but the ordinary number of members’ legs. We were all proceeding to satisfy our- selves of this personally, when we were brought up again by a fresh phenomenon—a tremendous blow, at the door this time. Poor Bosner, who sat with his back within a couple of feet or so from the door, grew almost hysterical, and I am not ashamed to admit that, none of us liked to go and open it; we knew that the outer door was securely fastened, and that it was, humanly speaking, im- possible for any living creature to be in the ante-chamber at that particular moment. Haxtupp suggested that Durr should go—but Dorr retorted that he was not expecting any aunt just then, so the matter dropped, and Geyser rose a little later in evident emotion, “*Gentlemen,” said Geyser, ‘‘we have had a warning to-night against being led away by the pride of intellect. If—if there be really among us this evening, some invisible spectator from across the Threshold—do not let us afford it—-her—the indignity and the pain of being present while her very existence is being exposed to ignorant and irreverent scepticism, such as” (with a reproachful look at Durr, who was wiping his forehead) *' we have heard so recently. Do not let us tempt, by a further parade of incredulity some manifestation, which the nerves of some of us” (with a giance at Bosuer, who was obviously much upset) *‘ might find too great a I propose, Sir, that we proceed to a and warned, and beat drums, and threw furniture about, and other | yote at once, without farther discussion. ’ gymnastics of the kind—but whet J want to know is—what do they | do it with? What is a ghost, afterall, according to the evidence? | _[ Loud applause, led in a ghastly manner by the door. Well, we did proceed to a division, with the result that fifteen A gauzy, cobwebby affair, like an old veil. People tell us they have | yoted for the motion, and none against it. Durr declined to give a looked through them, and noticed no internal apparatus, nothing of vote one way or the other, having ascertained from the Secretary > n what you may call ‘ works’ of any sort or deseription. Very well— | that nothing in the Rules ccnpelied him to support his speech by the but you can’t make even such a simple observation as ‘good even- ing’—to say nothing of uttering a long and complicated warning— ou can’t so much as groan, without a complete set of vocal cords, in fair working order. people's heads, without muscles. (‘' Rap-rap-rap ! J again.) *‘ | must really ask Honourable Gargoyles in my immediate neighbourhood not to play the fool.” (Sensation, and warm disclaimers Srom several Members, who, I may here state, were quite incapable of such an action.) “If you want to go anywhere, and see anybody, you | must exercise some sort of volition, and, to exercise volition, a brain ({ don’t say a powerful brain, because I never heard of any ghost who gave any sign of even average mental power), but some brain is indispensable. How do you get all that in a few feet of film? No, no, Gentlemen—it won’t do. We can't have Mr. CocksuL. coming his ghosts over us. Then he tells us a long rigmarole—I do not use the term in an offensive sense, but it was long, and it was a rigmarole—he tells a long rigmarole about what an aunt of his by | marriage once saw, or believed she saw! Gentlemen, he should | have brought her down here ”’—( four rery loud raps—at which even Dorr started)—*‘ to tell us her adventure in person, and then we should know what to think.” ballot. Then we broke up in a subdued manner, and our awe was in- tensified, if anything, by discovering that the door of the ante- You can’t beat a drum, or pitch chairs at | chamber was locked as usual, and that no one was secreted in any !” om the table | part of the passage. A strange circumstance, which Bosner, for some reason, did not seem to consider as having any direct connec- tion with the other manifestations, was that a osm and very handsome ebony stick of mine, with a large round apple of agate at the top, was, to the best of my belief, certainly not in the place where [ can almost swear to have deposited it on entering! BosnEer advised me not to mention this, as, owing to my being unable to speak quite positively on the point, critics might consider it the weakest part of the case. It amuses me now to think how calml and philosophically Bosrer could talk—after it was allover. He was anything but calm and philosophical at the time ! Ane there two Baddeley Cakes? On Twelfth Night, last Friday both Drury Lane and Covent Garden ent * the Baddeley Cake,” and each Baddeley Cake was welcomed by a Goodly assembly. No special costumes were worn, and no one was Baddeley dressed. CH NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. there will be no exception. To this rule =a ae tO

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Janvanr 14, 1888. THE ONLY LASTING PLEASURE IN THIS LIFEIS CONTEMPLATION. A SMILE.—The cloud n must be dark, or the cup very bitter, that a Smile (of Love) cannot enter or sweeten. “When Love speaks, the voice of all the gods makes heaven drowsy with the harmony.”’—SHAxKESPEARE. Prepared only at Eno’s “Fruit Salt” Works, Pomeroy Street, New Cross Road, London, S.E. over cerebral activity, nervousness, irritability, worry, &c. armouth ; at the same time I feel it a dut please.—I am, dear Sir, yours respectfully, TRuTH.” N THE BATTLE OF THIS LIFE, ENO’S “FRUIT SALT” AND MOTO” WILL BE FOUND TO BE AN IMPERATIVE HYGIENIC NEED, or Necessary Adjunct ; they keep the blood pure, prevent fevers and acute inflammatory effeets arising from stimulants and narcotics, such as alcohol, tobacco, tea, and coffee, By natural means they thus restore the nervous system to its normal condition, by preventing the great danger AUTION.—Examine each Bottle, and see that the Capsule igs marked ENO’S “FRUIT SALT.” it, you have been imposed on by a worthless imitation. Seld by all Chemists, PREPARED ONLY AT ENO’S “FRUIT SALT” WORKS, POMEROY STREET, LONDON, 8.1 8. E. ITATION OF THE HEART, caused by Liver Derangement and Indigestion, frequently called (or mistaken for) Heart Diszasz,—“ On the 14th of April I purchased a bottle of your ‘FRUIT SALT, not feeling very well at the time, and it had an effect that I never anticipated when I bought it. I had suffered more or less, since the year 1841, from Palpitation of the Heart, but very badly during the last few years, The least thing would produce it during the day, and at night my sleep was very much disturbed, Strange to say, after the first dose of ‘FRUIT SALT,’ palpitations suddenly ceased, and have not since returned. Out « Gant for the benefit which I have a I have recommended it to all my friends, both in London « and to state the above facts, of which you can make whatever use you “THE RULING TASTE.” | ‘“XPERIENTIA DOCET I—When I feel queer, I stops my beer, and takes ENO’S ‘VEGETABLE MOTO,”—Arm E*%0's ‘* VEGETABLE MOTO.” (A Stomach or Liver Pill.) —This is as simple and natural in its acti as tomato, yet as superior to mineral or vegetable mercury (Podophyllin) as vaseline and glycerine are to the ordinary greasy compounds, It is a pure vegetable extract, simple, natural, and certain hepatic ‘age stimulant, or as a laxative, stomachic, blood, brain, nerve, bile, or liver tonic, It will be found eve rything y could wish for, creating and sustaining a natural action of the stomach, bowels, and biliary secretions, &c., and (when necessary) in conjunction with ENO’S FRUIT SALT is invaluable. In Indigestion, Biliousness Sick Headache, Giddiness, Gout, Rheumatism, Female Ailments, Suppressed Secretions, &c., Head Affections Nervousness, Sleeplessness from liver derangement, Flatulence, Wind on the Stomach, at the commencement of Coughs and Colds, Blood Poisons, and their kindred evils are prevented and cured by their use. GENTLEMAN WRITES :—“ December 27th, 1887,—After twelve months’ experience of the value the ‘ VEGETABLE MOTO,’ I unhesitatingly recommend their use in preference to any other medicin¢ more particularly in bilious attacks ; their action is so gentle and yet so effective, that nothiug equals them my opinion, THEY HAVE NBVER FAILED to give the wished-for relief. I take them at any hour, and frequen in conjunction with a small glass of KNO'S ‘ FRUIT SALT.’—Yours gratefully, OnE wWHo Kyows,' ENO’S *“‘ VEGETABLE MOTO,” of all Chemists, price 1s. 14d.; post free, 1s. 3d. ** VEGETABLE diseases, and remove the injurious poisoned blood and Without mn OPER FRERES’ FIRST QUALITY CHAMPAGNE. VINTACE 1880. CORK DISTILLERIES COMPANY §ix PRIZE MEDALS FOR TRISH WHIS t Prize Medal, Philadelphia, one Gold Medal, Paris, 1878; First Prize Soe by dney ,1879 ; ’ Three t’rize Medals, Cork, “VERY fine, full flavor and Good Spirit.” "—Jurors’ Award le ntenpial Exhibition, 1876. “TJ NQUESTION ABLY as fine ® specimen as one could wish to see.”~— Juve’ Award, Cork Exhibition, 1883. THIS FINE OLD IRISH cad Coane mage hed had of the pod aime a vise bale Home be oy et and cases by x — DISTILLERIES COMPANY LIMITED , MORRISON'S ISLAND, CORK, THE NORMAL \ DIURETIC APERIENT FRY'S PURE CONCENTRATED COCOA SOLUBLE ‘*Tt has a delicious flavor.’’—A. P. B. Moore, M.D. osRaRY “SeaiiSy, 6 EASHAW & 60'S The delicious product of the famed Kent Morellas. | 64s. per doz. in Cases as imported tupplied to Her Majesty at all the Royal Paiaces. | TT. W. Srarteron & Co., 08, Regent Street, W. GRANT’S MORELLA | : CHERRY BRANDY.| ALLMAN'S Excellent with water, het or cold. Beware of un h imitations. Ask persistently for GRANT'S MORELLA CHERRY BRANDY. | Inqu re for it at all Bars and Refreshment Rooms. Manufacturers, T. GRANT & SONS, Marpstowe. | BURKE'S === HOI I | Esiom shed 1825 | To be had at Clubs, Hotels, and | Restaurants, and in casks of all ' Wholesale Wine and = Upirit Merchants throughout the o United Kingdom and Colonics. THE MOST DELICATE WHISKEY IM THE WORLD. JOTTLED IN DUBLIN. TOBACCONISTS’ TRADE. OW TO OPEN REMUNERATIVELY from ont amount. however small see lilustre SAMPLE (One Dozen) CASE sent Catalogue, 3 stamps. LESSER FRIEDLANDER, direct from Dublin, Carriage paid, to any %, Moundsditch, London. Established @ years. address in the United Kingdom. | ASPINALL’ 8 ENAMEL. PRICE 42/- PER CASE, INIMITABLE, ORNAMENTAL, ab hd E. & J. BURKE, DUBLIN. | r.« ‘ini cor and Outdoor, Werk, for” Reworating Everything. Sold everywhere , Post Pree, KURE- UIC. FOR COLDS, coLDs, ls. 64 and 3. Acrinace’s Examet VW onns, London, -Q NEURALGIA, GOLDER lovely puance BROREE ,ATR.— BEST QUININE TONIC soup, sopertes * byw. wine ot oskes Of, Gives Strength and Energy. WEAKNESS. | Price Sa. bd., Ms For toting grey or 2s. 64. per Bottic. ee =o Hal MINE Bis tavalenble “TAUNUS” THE TABLE WATER SUPPLIED AT ALL THE Leading Hotels, Restaurants, he. NATURAL SPARKLING The principal Chemists have been appointed Agents. = _——- HEAD OFFICE— 23, LIME STREET, LONDON, E.0. THE BENEDICTINS LIQUID ELIXIR DENTIFRICE TOOTH POWDER AND TOOTH PASTE. Prices from Is. 6d. 10 &, From all Perfuw Chemist«; © holesale only ,61, Frith 8t., London. W — HIGHEST. J a ms ly |

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Jarvary 14, 1888. — SAMUEL BROTHERS. SCHOOL OUTFITS. EL BROTHERS ttimg their OE pee charges for any ef cabea ae rece! The requirements of Youths and Boye have Teen ved the closest attention of Messrs Seaess ~~ that this important Vepartment of thet: business has dimensions, so that every want in eulee, Overcosta, 1 The Firm are the styled the “ WEA that has been especially manufactured to sae wear given by Youths ont, Boys to their faze cok ev a fully met, — —— qualities ensured oe & special material, hice + thera), Upon application, Patterns of * ear- Resisting” very ae ae Pret nd Pan will il be forwarded pest-free together hah. the Illastrated Price- List conteiming about la, 24 Kngravings This book furnishes details of the Firm's Nime I and is a usefu guide to Fashionable Costume for Gentiemen, Boys, and Ladies. NOTICE TO GENTLEMEN. ay Winter The *uiti e every desert tion of material tor rf , +> — ponte; and the Ovens ontings re me er required for Walking, The Blue Beavers, Meitons &c.. now so vogue for the fashionable “ a2 | and “ Cusersarimio” as well as ai) ciasses of reguinr Goods for tne now being shown Husiness, Morning, Visiting, or ee pur, Cloths of every weight and make thet Covert, Driving, or Travelling wear mach }- are exhibited im all shades o7 Nee Newest Textures, of Gentiemen, are eont iding, Coats, 65 & 67, LUDGATE HILL, LONDON, E.C. “ Covar” Burr. “Jacn Tan” Serr “ Gaztie Tan.” “Loans” Ovencoat. Brox” Surr. WATERPROOF BOOTS. FOR SHOOTING AND HEAVY WEAR. 27s. Bvery Pair Guaranteed. ALSO FOR EVERY-DAY WEAR “city K BOOTS, Goled with Ashyérows Waterproof Leather. SUPPLIED BY THE FoLLow Ine :— Bangor and Rhyi—M. A. Crooks, High Street. Beliast—Geo. McAfee, Corner Shup, Cornmarket, Berwick-upon-Tweed—A Winluw, 7, High Street. Beveriey—Juhn Procter, Toll Gavel. —John —_— a — 4 > Jay, Opposite Town Hall. Brighton Dutton ‘ Thorogood, Castle Square dif—W. ©. Peace, Kedweilty H Queen st Cerlisle— Ww D, Todd, Town + all Bb mes Chesterfield —Jonn Jerrison, 4, Cavendish strect. Cork all. Geo. Bouth wich, 6), Darlin Dublin—Arthur Webb, 34, U © Sack ville Street Eton—Paine & Bon, 186, High ~creet Seliestens —Cleme nts & Son, Rendezvous Street. Gains —W. Thornhill, Golden Boot G1 ow — Peter Dickson, 4, Renfield Street. Huddersield—Thomas Waiker, |/, King »treet. Lancaster—John K. Howeon, Church street Leamington —Joseph T. > outhern, 112, Parade. Liverpoo!l—T. K. Fieming. 4, Hasnett Street London —Mershall & Wiiiats, 476 & 474, Oxford St —N. Thierry, 7, Regent street, W Londonderry—Gill Bros, Diamond 4 —— Chapman, 9, Market Place —d, Swindelis, 63, Mill Street. Maidstone—Mursh & Son Malvern —Benjamin Jones, Bellevue Terrace Manchester—K. Phillips & mon, 73, Deansgate. ape BR. & 7. Smith, @, bridge serect. Nantwich—T. Hh. Hill ‘. ‘High Street Newark —John Postiil & sn, 11, bridge Street. Nowcastle-on- e—A. Athinsun, 22, Hackett st. pd. Leech, 9, Penkull Street. es, ta, High treet. 2, Lone Row Oldham — Hal! Bros , & Oxford — Lillingston s, 45 rke Rugby —Gilbert & fon, Football —y —"ae Sheffield —eaves & Son, (67, West stre Southsea — Kaker & Son, Palmerston Hoad Bplisby—/ 8. Ko binson Block ton-on-Teee—C. }’almer, 162, High ® nbriage— WW (aie, High &t.. and Public Hall. West Hartiepool—T Hradiey %, Church Street. Windermere— © illiam Leighton Wolverhamp —W. York. Queen 8t., & King St. AND BY Beerectasts Hoorm,keas THAOUCHOUT Tus Euriasc. DINNEFORD'S MACNESIA. For ACIDITY or ras STOMACH, HEARTBURN, HERADACHE, GOUT, and INDIGESTION. 180, BOND STREET, and all Chemists. MAPPIN & WEBB’S TABLE KNIVES, ABSOLUTELY PURE. Bold by Pirst-clase Grocers (only in Lead Packages). For Local Agent, write Tye Cevtow Tea Acency, Thames Street Cuamsens, E.C, USED IN THE ROYAL NURSERIES. = BEST FOOD FOR INFANTS. In Tins, 1s., 2s., 5s. and 10s, each. SAVORY & MOORE, tonoox, | AND SOLD EVERYWHERE. ARBENZ’ ‘MANDARIN’ RAZOR. The best, most reliable, and easiest shaver in the world. TEDDY WICK, the Champion Berber of the world, writes:— “ The ‘ Mandarin’ Razor always kept me to the front during the competition, and you may be proud of my well-earned victory. ‘They are a great im- rovement on the old-fashioned Razors, and, the arder the beard, the better they shave. I shaved some nights with the ‘Mandarin’ blindfold, and did not cut one man al] the week.” Price 7s. 6d. the set of 4; We. 6d. the set of 7 Razors. Postage, 64. extra. Onan be had of Cutlers, Hair- dresser, &c., of direct from P. A. ARBENZ, 108, Gt. Charles &t., Headquarters for the celebrated *‘ Genuine” GEM AIR GUNS. Indigestion, Constipation. DAHL’S DYSPEPSIA CAKES. NO DRUGS. NATURAL REMEDY. Recommended by several eminent Medical Men. Or att Curursrs. Sample Box, 2s. 6d., Post Free. | DAHL’S ACENCY, 41, EASTCHEAP, LONDON. SYMINCTON’S acum, LOUR. GOLD MEDAL FOR SOUPS, &c. EASILY DIGESTED. Bold in Packets and Tins by all Grocers. Export Agent: J. T. Morton, London. 4 PLEASURE 70 USE. Never Requires Grinding. REQISTERE>. Invixoe writes: “I find oneal parm excetient.” complete, Tt E keorr: ma |5 Hi: wndie. 318, Ivory Handie, - BEAL GERMAN BOLLOW-GROTED | Prom - Dealers direct demos se RAZOR. Frith Bt, Boho q., Land. HOPING cout COUGH. 3H —ROCHE'S 7 | eflectua: cwe a a V hovesale Agents Victoria Street (formeriy of 67, St. Paul's Ghurch- yard bold by most Chemists. 2} rice 4s. per bottie. | Bow,snce & Bon, "hon, Mat, Queea | p CHOCOLAT MENIER. FOR BREAKFAST. AWARDED 32 PRIZE MEDALS. ANNUAL CONSUMPTION EXCEEDS 25,000,000 lbs. SOLD RETAIL EVERYWHERE. 's TO SAVE THE TEETH, USE DAILY THOMPSON & CAPPER’S DENTIFRICE WATER, In ls. 64., &. 64. , 40. 6d., and Ss. Beware of Tmitatio THOM! SOx a Caryae, Chantem, A » Ah . and 51, Piccadilly, Manchester. EVERY FOR THE STABLE and HARNESS ROOM TO BB SEEN AT MABTINGALE’S, 194, Piccadilly (Prince’s Bal), “Rich in Phosphates.”—Ranon Liste, MAX GREGER’S CARLOWITZ. 2, Old Bond Street, London, W. A Phosphatic Food for Delicate Children. SQUIRE'S CHEMICAL } } | a The original preparation of the late| EDWARD PARRISH, for which SQUIRE & SONS were for 20 years the Sole Agents, | — for the last 13 years have been the} authorised manufactarers. j in bottles, 2/-, 3/6.& 6/- each, of Chemists Or by Parcels Post free direct from QUIRE & SONS,| HER MAJESTY’S CHEMISTS, 413, Oxford Street, London. HOWARD BEDFORD IPLOUGHS, FOR ASTHMA &C DATURA TATULA FOR SMOKING AND INHALATION. SAVORY & MOORE, London, And of Chemists every where. Suites ty Wiliam tet Out. of No. 0, bp be Loraine . Precinet of Whuiteiriars, in the City of Loudon, and Published 7, in the Parish of 6 Mary, Islington y him at No. 6, in the County of Middlesex, at the Ie trot Offices of Messrs. Fleet street, im the Parish of 8t Bride, Agnew & Os. , Lombard Street, . Bradbury. of London.—Saroapay, January i4,

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@ late} _ 5 Ss | ha — Je ro = % s ; co So = “~ E ete a- & EER | i p of very elegantly bound in blue cloth, gilt edges. rice 273. to December, 1887. in brown cloth. sprinkled edges. Price &s. “PUNGH.” The YEARLY Volume for 1887, y® “PUNCH,” The HALF-YEARLY Volume, July|/ Q@ VOLUME THE NINETY-FOURTH. —~— JANUARY 21, tert? Me VRPT RATES: pncingtiatibentteh on cal MINES aaa NER » 2 {Ki QRH NB aay AD Le Coy f ’ AD PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS. a Pe VTA TY 9 1888, a PUN Ch VOL Yio a tongs a mi) PUNCH, 1841 to 1887 (Re-issue), elegantly bound in blue cloth, gilt edges. 47 Yeatly Volumes. Special Price, £27 2s. 6d. Library Issue, in 22 Double Yearly Volumes, strongly half bound in Leather, gilt edges. 1841 to 1884. £22 275. (PUNCH OFFICE, &s, FLEET ST., EC 301d “SONSd 33UH1L Kegistered at the General Post Office as a Newspaper.)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Janvany 21, 1888. TENERIFE AND ITS SIX SATELLITES: Oe, The Canary Islands Past and Present. By OLIVIA M. STONE, Author of “Norway in June” With Maps and Illustrations. Two Vols,, price 4 MARCUS WARD 4 ., I and New York THE THE MATRIMONIAL HERALO AND London, Belfast, FASHIONABLE MARRIAGE GAZETTE is the | origina! and only recognised medium for High- lass Introductions, The largest end most ore Matrimonial Agency in the World. Price in envelope, 4 Street, London, W THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY ESTABLISHED 1825. Accumulated Fund, 64 Millions Stg. FOR PROTECTION INIWLSIANI ? EDINBURGH, 8 George Bt. (Head Office) LONDON, 68 King William Street, B.C. eo 8 Pall Mall East, 8.W. DUBLIN, 66 Upper Sackville Street. Agencies in India & the Colonies. Branches & SIR MORELL MACKENZIE writes :— “Tl have watehed the effects of the Soden Waters for a considerable peria@, and regard them as ex tremely vai an eate catarrhal affections of the threat. Tv apaell amount of Iron which they contain renders there ¥éary weeful in the cary stages of throat goreumption. and ther do goed in peerly ai cheese of tion of the mucous mem oraue “The soden Mineral Pagt ilies offer a most con venient method of usine the Waters, producing both a local and general effect. They are expecially b ne- ficial in cater: hal Gisenses of the air pos ages I service in the case frequently found them of grea of singers ——— speakers “ Monet, Macausnciz, M.D., London.” SODEN MINERAL PASTILLES. PRONCHITIS, ASTHMA. BRONCHITIs, ASTHMA COUGHS, BRONCHIII8, ASTHMA, COUGHS, BRONCHITIS, ASTHMA TEVER has a Medicine so soon become the mo-t , popu.ar Household remedy The h ghest Medical authorities recommend and presc:ibe th BODEN MINERAL PASTLLLES as most efficacious for Affections and Diseases of the Throat, Chest, Lungs, and Consumption N° SECRET PREPARATION, no so-called i Patent Medicine, which often contain drugs and opiates injurious to the con-titution The SODEN MINERAL PASTILLES., a pure produce of nature gained from the world-renowned Meui- cinal Springs of Bath Soden, are prepared under strictest control of the Koya! sanitary Counsellor and celebrated Physician, Dr. W. Stoeitzing Insist upon your Chemist procuring for you the genuine article; see each box has Dr. W. Btoe!tz- ing's signature and our Trade Mark (Twe Globes, Cross, and Or _ PD ne mtg A ome Yrice ls lo, or for 15 stamps, ef Soden Miveral Pro uce Com- pany, 10, Dyer’s Buildings, Holborn, London, Rw, COUGHS, (OUGHaS, Indigestion, Constipation. DAHL’S DYSPEPSIA CAKES. NO DRUGS. NATURAL REMEDY Recommenced by several eminent Medical Mea. Or att Curuiers. Sample Box, 2s, éd., Post Pree DAHL'S ACENCY, 41, EASTCHEAP, LONDON. PETER } HEERING'S S16) =) —1) |.) NJ GOLD MEDAL CHERRY BRANDY ESTABL. 1818 Possessing all the Properties of the Finest Arrowroot, BROWN & POLSON’S CORN FLOUR Is a Household Requisite of Constant Utility. Norz.—Purchasers should insist on being supplied with Brow» & Potson’s Corn Fiovr. Inferior kinds, asserting fictitious claims, are being offered for the sake o f extra profit. ~—Add:ess Editor, #0, Lamb's Condens VAN is admirable. HOUTEN’S PURE SOLUBLE COCOA is THE BEST, and really THE CHEAPEST IN THE END. The BRITISH MEDICAL JOURNAL «ays In flavour it is perfect, and it is so pure, well prepared and rich,”’ &£o. -“**Vaw Hovrew’s Cocoa’ Wedding and Birthday Presents, Moreen rth Hall mar ted. er , £15. £0. to £0. sere FOR’ in Polished Brass, Loney Siver, and Ching, from 21s, to £10. DRPSSING CASES. DESPATCH ROXRs, KL CASE ATION ERY Casay | PORTRAIT ALBUMS. whirts G CASES, CIGAR GABINETS. INKSTANDS, LIQUEUR CASkS CAN DLESTICKA Frames and hold from 2 to 24 Portraits. | RODRIGUES, 42, Piccadilly. w,| WELL SEASONED, AND THERFFORE WEARS WELL. TRELOAR & SONS, | 68, 69, & 70, LUDGATE HILL | CATALOGUES FREE Established 1832. Eleven Prize Medals. /LEAP- YEAR |. BOUQUET “tn Leap Year they have power te o choose, ¥e men no charter to refuse.’ — Chaucer. MAY BE OBTAINED OF “> Perfumers & Druggists > &» everywhers. * °2d street ¥ SEVEN FIRST PRIZE MEDALS. HIGHEST A WARDS at ALL INTEKNATIONAL EXHIBITIONS. THE CELEBRATED WOLFF VIOLINS. Pest modern-maie Violins. Grand tone, skilfully fi ished. Highly recommended by Senor Sarasate Prof. Wilheimi, Sivori, Leouhard, Pollitzer, and many other great arti-te. Introduced in most of | the hu opean Conservatories and Orchestras. List of Testimonials and Prices post free at all Agents throughout the kingdom, and of W. KONIGSBERG & CO., 1 & 2, CHISWELL STREET, LONDON, E.C. Genzine Old Italian Violins, from £10 and upwards. Get a bottie to-day of PERRY DAVis' PAIN Kit ER. the Oldest, best, and most widely-known Family M ine in the World. Itinstanuly ves end Cures Severe Scaids, burns, Sprains, Bruises, Toothache, Headache, Pains in’ the side, Joints, and Limbs, and all Neura ge and Pai Any Chemist can supply it at 1/1) and 2/9 per bottle. D! Ridge's Food. TOHPACA BRACES. REQUIRE NO BUTTONS. The Oniy Brace having 2 Attachments SUSPEND THE TROUSERS AT THE SIDES. Conmsctzen axo DisconNECTED INSTANTLT. [MPORTANT.—Be sure and ask for the IMPROVED TOHPACA BRACES (wira FPirxiste Sines’. These Sides » WITHOUT CLIPS, are supplied ° to Tailors for sewing into the Trousers. OF ALL HOSIERS AND * OUTFITTERS. W holesale : JOHN HAMILTON & CO., 7, Philip Lane, London, F.C. CAUTION. — None genuine without above Trade Mark. > JOSEPH GILLOTT'S STEEL PENS Paris, 1 1878. STREETERS’ DIAMOND ORNAMENTS, LONDON MADE, W HITE AND MODERN CUT, From £5 to £5, 000 (pounds), BOND STREET, No. 18, W.! OXFORD.-MITRE HOTEL ONE OF THE MOST ECONOMICAL | FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE KINGDOM J[LFRACOMBE, Devonshire, as a desirable WINTER RESORT, occupies fr4 ace for mild, equable, and dry c! imate. (Fee Rosai eteorolo — Dee., dan. ‘s Record.) Mean Tempers | ture for Nov » ¥eb.. 44°1; Mean Kang | for ditto, 80: ditto, 00 once only » for same period, 29°3, CHARING - CROSS HOSPITAL | Strand, W.C.—The Council earnestiy appeal f& | DON ATIONS — ANNUAL SUBSCRI Pi ioxs | A éefieit, estimated at more than £6000, ha: to’ met at once. Bankers, Messrs. Drummoné, | 49, Charing Cross, 8 | ARTHUR FP. Reape, Secretary THE TEROZONE AIR yn aes DIFFUSES A REFRESHING Reowsrenen (No. 96,008) ay WHITAKER & GROSSMITH, 22, SILK STKEET, CITY, LONDON. Sold by Chemists, &c., or direct. MAPPIN & WEBB’S ELECTRO PLATE. ROWLAND’S KALYDOR Is a soothing and emollient milk for the Face avé Arms. It removes Preekles, Roughness, Redness, &c., and renders the Skin soft, smooth, and white It is warranted free from any lead or oxide of zine, | snd is the original and only genuine Kalydor made i Bay no KALYDOK execpt KOWLAND'S. Seid | by Chemists, in 4s. 6d. anid 2s. 3d, bottles — Ce: ae

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Medals. al TEL | L ca, | LINGDOM | 1 aire, as | prature for | of Prance, | | PITAL, , ral f IPT ions D, has tol Jrummont, | jecretary. | a ye RIFYLNG | UME, Face aud Redness, | i white January 21, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 25 THE LETTER-BAG OF TOBY, M.P. From Uncte Pomsiecsoox. Lyndhurst, Hants, Saturday, =| Mh AW) ADAMI | il ui EAR Topsy, Haneoine with grooms and porters on one of the many bridges at Clapham Junction, and having a few minutes to spare, I accepted the mute invita- tion to try my weight ex- tended by one of the automatic machines which deck, not to say dominate, our railway stations. In view of some such oppor- tunity, I in my waist- coat pocket a leaden dise, in size and weight some- what resembling a penny. I confess it was in m mind to drop this into the receptacle. But it was a busy hour of the day, the station was crowded, I might have been observed the action miscon- strued. Accordingly I inserted a coin of the realm of the pro designation, and, A tried my weight, found it guilty of being nearer eighteen stone than it should have been. _ : _ Which thing, dear Tosy, your keen intellect will have discerned is an allegory. What I picture to my fancy as having been done at Clapham Junction, I do daily with huge and ha’ satisfaction. The Automatic Try-your-Weighter, if one may so name it, is Public Opinion, and I miss no opportunity of measuring myself y that standard. The occupation is the more inviting because, as 1 have i i tisfactory. Like ERskrne, as i hinted, the results are invariably sa . described in the Anti-Jacobin, ‘“* With respect to the extent of _7 faculties, I consider myself in many re ts a finite being.” Sti as I sit and caress my chin and smi softly to myself, I come to the conclusion, I trust not egregiously, that there are few men in land, not excepting the Old One, who possess in faller measure the enthusiastic approbation of their fellow citizens. It is true that there are persons in the House of Commons that assume indifference to my excellent points, and even achieve the semblance of amused contempt for my performances. Also the Zimes news- yao oe oan Se to distinguish it from the Times Four- = ee > imes — | ine, or the Times -~y-! ckoner,—the Times newspaper, I say, misses no opportunity o goading me. But the reasons for this are obvious. in the House of Commons it is either envy or apprehension that assails me. In Times newspaper it is disappointment. You will know that at one time I was habituated to enliven its po us columns with uisitions having legal bearing upon the events of the day. I have abandoned that habit, and the Zimes newspaper, angry and disappointed, takes such revenge as is open to its capacity. ‘ But place me on the platform, face to face with my countrymen in I s assembled. Is there anyone received with more enthu- siasm? Is there anyone with lighter touch, with defter fence, or, when need be, with heavier stroke? For such an hour’s triumph as ~~ suitable to my range of t and m ne if Were the Be from time to time falls to my lot when occupying the public plat- form, I count labour as namaih. Many is TS cee. ‘pacing the glades of the New Forest, that I ha ith itation i — of impromptus. You who have heard me will bear witness & Bae Se cena of the Raw Daves be Oa Sabeery. ly amo’ envious of a little ponderosity in leading up flach of wit, a trifle too mach humming end = —* ae jp fry cnvughy taragh 1 ont I emerging a saw y ees made a mistake in the summer of 1874, when I delighted the Con- servatives 1, tang See my, Sem leader. I thought at time hewas done for. He but a taken me from below lause. But it was different in 1879, His time had come again, and, as you know, even in tem reverses I ha uearen Sesgenitted again the mistake of that July night in 1874. Ié was with tears in my eyes and emotion softening my strident to my constituents in Derby, I pointed with ( to the Grand Old Man. For the moment I felt like Mr. Pumbl contemplating Pip in his hour of misfortane, “ is him as I have rode in my shay-cart. This is him as have seen bor gn ¢ byhand. This is him to whom I have been earliest the founder of his fortun’s—Tue Granp Otp Man!” The was not n quite in the sense I meant. It was turned by unsym tic Tories, and instead of a tribute of affection, became a term of derision. But with the Liberals it is to-day an epithet of affection. Thus genins, if I may say so, in a moment of in- oe a phrase that suits the manif j Masses and the the phrase. y | language. “Thess things do not induce i Rather I am depressed with ogg og country when the time comes to the benefit of my counsel and advice. I read the other day some remarks on the infinite Heavens, delivered at the al Institution by my friend The subject is one that curiously attracts 6 e § 4. y friend Batu: San with his w OW wey to annihilated, an observer on a star in the realms would only notice that a tiny star had ceased to twinkle.” , Spzaker,—I mean teat; Sir; that be all very well for the Solar System. But when I drop out of life I fear there will be consternation in Arcturius, seriousness settle down on Sirius, and Betelgeuze, brightest jewel in the belt of will momentarily pale. Yours faithfully, + V. H-nc-xt, THE CAREFUL BURGLAR. Wuew the Winter nights close in, | That no rust u Aad the poset feast begin Dainty Keys, oalled skeleton. moon’s intrusive light | although hidden by the mist, Is obscured mortal sight; | We shall need "nS shoes of He who —— by sound list ; Then should furbish up his And OS eer may ok As the surgeon whets his knife, Coy staan from the mask ; ye ing —- ; e oer lanterns we, of -* the sportsman oils his » e our friends e With the season's poe) = yr ‘ "7, Force.” So the burglar, cool and keen, There’s the small revolver. still Sees his instruments are clean. Careful burglars do not kill ; Wipe the jemmy, oft ’tis said Conscientious men like me Harder than a policeman’s head ; | Operate in secrecy. See that no corroding grit Some Directors do the same, Harms the wily centre-bit ; And we blush to find it fame. Morro as A Roe or Guipance vor Merrovoiitan Boarp or Works’ Urrictars.—"‘ ‘ Orders’ is Heaven’s first Law.” VoL, XCrIv, D

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 21, 1888, IN THE DAYS OF KING FOG. The horrors ~ ed of a normal January, I shall do my best to vary in a style That your best adepts at joking, midst their coughing and their choking, shall admit is scarce provoking of a smile.”’ Then he ups, the sooty king, with an India-rubber spring, and a foghorn he applies to his mouth, As a friendly sort of summons to a set of cronies—rum ’uns,—who came from East and West and North and South. = They were habited as demons, some had skins the hue of lemons, whilst others were as swarthy as their king ; . OHLRAES 4, And each drab or dingy devil seemed an Avatar of evil, and up to every kind of horrid thing. : A uet of foul , such as Britons who are asses from their chimneys and their chemicals let fly, January 9-13, 1888. Their fellows to asphyxiate—such idiotic tricks I hate—and inter- . , : - cept their sun and hide their sky, A Kuve Foe he arose, and he slily tapped his nose, and he said unto Could scarcely be more nasty, and their faces, swart or pasty, bore a __ himself, said he, a | sort of horrid hectic glow, With the croupiest of chortles, ‘“‘O you miserable mortals, with As for mischief all agog, each one winked at old King Fog, as who your tortures I’m about to have a spree. should say, ** it right, old boy, 7 know.” SULVERL™ .

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88, a V\yv ary eir rho eir ho Jasvarny 21, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 37 Then King Fog at once descended with the demon who attended his intolerable Court, upon the Town ; And the day at once grew dimmer, and the sun ceased e’en to shimmer, and the gas-jets seemed to glimmer and die down. ; All tints save black were banished, and the very roadways vanished, you couldn’t see the lamps nor e’en their posts ; Faded house, and tower, and steeple, and, as for the poor people, they prowled about like damp and dismal ghosts : The shores of Styx were bland matched with Fleet Street or the Strand; you couldn’t see your hand before your face; Your neighbour in the dark seemed a Boojum or a Snark, who, five feet off, was gone, and left no trace. A foul and fetid pall fell over each and all; its ingredients were mist, and muck, and smoke, And “smoke” includes, of course, stuffs from every pay) i that can irritate, and blind, and clog and choke. | For the Fog-King, fiend sardonic, summoned acid gas oa also sulphurous, from chimneys and from stills, Playing capers demoniacal, with and adding to the sum of human ills In every sort of way. He abolished night and day, you could only tell the difference from the clocks, He “‘ retarded radiation,” a malign abomination, and he filled the public ways with ** ugly blocks.” He muddled all the traffic, and the bard who’d pen a conenee, and the painter swell preparing for next ay, Were driven well-nigh mad, for no light was to be had save the gas- "s dim and uninspiring ray. He increased Monopoly, which, to the poor, if not the rich, is a pestilent unpardonable crime ; For he made the gas-rate rise, and he got in people’s eyes, and he covered everything with greasy grime. He made all crossings dangers; cosy citizens felt stran- gers to their offices and smart suburban villas ; Cabby wished he might be blowed if Ae could find the road, and collided with the letter-posts and — x He demanded ten-and-six, a fare too stiff for Styx, for crawling from the Bank to Brixton-hill, And he got exceeding drunk, put his fare in a blue funk, and finished with a comprehensive spill. Then King Fog he chuckled low, for all trams were late and slow, fog-si kepton banging day and night, There were crowds on every platform, and the porters were in that form that’s produced by plaguing ques- tions left and right. The torches and the links made abominable stinks, and the torcherers—I mean the howling boys, Who stretched their leather throats and “ape pitch upon your coats,—lent precious little help, though lots of noise. Fog led to rows and rackets, and he hindered the mail- pay and he brought the river-traffic to a o. He drove the mob to drinking, and the “ publics” filled like winking, for one co ’t see another sort of shop. The theatres were void, which the Managers annoyed, to the Law Courts clients couldn’t find their way, And the children as a rule couldn’t grope their way to a and they lost themselves when going out to ammoniacal, play. Such mischief were not small, but, oh dear, that wasn’t _, all, for the death-rate was most dismally in King Fog’s a foe to life. Sudden suicides were rife, and asthmatic age’s gaspings grew—and Then King Fog laughed long and loud, and his courtiers, a black ao gathered round their misty cried : Monarch, and he O my henchmen! this is d; our strong hand is = ees and we rule this foolish country far ; wide ; Give Science my defiance! there is not the least reli- ance on one plan or one appliance she suggests. Smoke-prevention ? That’sher joke, for herschemes all end tn Smoke, as this sooty five-days’ Carnival attests. er pretensions we can squelch, whilst the chimneys — and belch, and the Town’s a blend of Phlege- an All her pratings are but vain, and again and yet again you shall hail the ruthless reign of King Fog! " “oe “THE GRAND OLD NAME OF GENTLEMAN.” ‘*Beo PARDON, MISTER, BUT WHAT PARTICKLAR BREZD MIGHT YER BE CALLIN’ THIS "ERE LITTLE Dawe 0 yourN! You 'Lt ASCUSE ME A HARSKIN, GUV'NER ; BuT Me AND ANOTHER GENTLEMAN 'ERE 'AS JUST BREN 'AVIN A SMALL Baer ABOUT IT!” ([Disgust of Montmorency De Vere Snobley, who has always described himself as a Gentleman. PUTTING IT OFF. A Story of Stornoway, from the ‘* Times” of 1988, Ir is much to be feared that affairs in the North have at length arrived at a serious crisis. News comes from Lewis that last night the two millions, who owing to the refusal of the crofters to emigrate. have in a century increased the population of the Island tothat formidable figure, and, who by the undefined encroachments of the landed proprietors, have for the last five-and-twenty years, been dragging out an uncomfortable existence on the rocks and bathing- machines that fringe the sea-shore, to which they have been quietly relegated by the slow process of a complicated legislation, rose as one man, and breaki through the granite barriers, which everywhere surround the coast, commen a raid on the herds of wild hippopotami to the preservation of which, at the cost of the exclusion of the inhabitants, it is well-known that the soil of the island is entirely given up. _ ix ; The Summer lettings of the various runs to Caffre Millionnaires, who now come over annually for the electric-shocting, bring a handsome sum into the pockets of the absentee proprietors, and the islanders who look on while the land to the cultivation of which they count on for their peapest is ruthlessly wrenched from them, and handed over for the purpose of affording a few months sport and delectation to the wealthy representatives of civilised Niggerdom, have natu- rally resented the invasion, and determined to resist it. situation is not new. About a hundred years ago affairs, though on a far smaller scale, had got much into the same condition. Then, as now, the Government of the ~ had let aor drift on, without heeding which way the current was setting, had waited till matters had come to a pretty pass, only intervening at the eleventh hour, when they had arrived at a crisis and were remedy. And such has been the story ever since, and now the news comes every hippopotamus through the whole length and breadth of the island has been driven over the northern headlands into the sea, and that a wild population of two millions are at this moment dancing a frantic Highland fling around the smouldering embers of seven proprietorial mansions, in which it is rumoured that as many Caffre Mil- aa to which they appear to have been sublet, have been unfortunately roasted alive. In the face of this intelligence the Government have been obliged to take

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Janvary 21, 1888,

First P suppose music- halls, and Pantomime, children. Second P, That bourhood, wh thor thing!’ Smali Boy). The -Aler selves at the The A. P. a

some steps ; and it yesterday to Liverpool to H.M.S. Sieopand to pola Therself i in readi- ness to start with five! Marines; and a drammer for Stornoway at a moment's notice. Meantime it is said that Fiscal, the Principal _ and a couple of Police-officers in disguise, have managed to meet in oat on the exactly know what to do ~~ in circumstances in which they find themselves placed. The general opinion appears to be, that the whole question of the position of the Crofters os —s — oon I set foot ina I shouldn’ tain nous, na 6 been that——bnt I thought you I consider their in- I think it’s almost a duty not to coommeee gre such entertainments as—well, First P. (a little hly appreciate the the principal performers. Ada. As much as Bri, that is! A Character on the is reported tha’ And it is very dvabtfal even now, if the will know how effectively to deal with it.

VOCES POPULI. AT THE PANTOMIME. In tHe Sracts. ‘amilias once in two years, in never went at all ? Second P. Not to regular theatres—no ; flaence—ah—pernicious in many ways. ballets, and so on, *sall. Your family here? Tiley je amilias positt rts, and t ce tl } , it’s such ridiculous atit!” In THE Boxes, In tHe Dress Crecie. * Why does the Cat tell him to bathe?” In rae Prr. they can do it all beats me! “ No. uarium— s better on the look t Pay 8 scenery, now ! Gauze, dear, the dresses are bur But there’s oo First P. No, of course not. So J say. Got up to please the were dispatched | Younger Bethe, that’s what she is, and that’s her only friend, the Procurator- mer, but do not | the peculiar and threatening ‘ and their yyy have been | thoroughly gone into and sifted more than a cen since. But the a the oes oe nee drift and eis | ve to Second ditto, apologetically). Oh, I don’t a general way. mes, and in a used). Well—no; fact is, I was just passing the doors, and—and I’d nothing particular to do this afternoon, and so—and so—— Where are your chicks, eh ? Second P. (with some embarrassment). Er—at home. I thought, before bringing ’em, I’d better see for myself whether th unfit for children to why—— The Pantomime proceeds. Each Pater. laughter at the comic the other, ** Well, r help emils ere was being in the neigh- understand one another. cries with tically to ish, you can’t he wonderful groupings and processions of the a of the Ballet rouse them to enthusiasm, and they songs and jests introduced by s they leave, they say, ‘ After ali, I suppose you ought to be young to really enjoy this sort of Unsophisticated Small Child (in much concern). Mother, is the Donkey really angry with the Queen ? Kindly Uncle (to prim little niece). Well, Ava, enjoying it, eh? I ever do enjoy a ‘Pantomime now—Uncle, - nels (rather ervshed). Hal and Arsox, whet's your opinion of the. fairies, now ? Alick, 1 don’t quite see what use they are—but they don’t dance badly. How much do you a they get a week for it, Uncle? Uncle resolves to go alone next year. Old. -fashioned Person (astounded at question of highly ee wee mean to say you don’t know the story of “ Puss in Boots?’ The Smali Boy. No. oes en ceiing epee eae of thing— they never set it in Ezams. you know! The Pleased Pittite. Look at them windmills—all going round, you see, however t Pittite (on the look out for topical allusions). See the old man trying to get on the donkey? ‘Tnat’s a skit on Burrato| F We won't ible ie we I show our- $<), How bod | ai y' ear that? | is there’ sa the.oct co Wem eh? , Fh See hate Re ceera aed, Se ’ow uw 8 int it resses—oh, dear, Rae vely—thoy reelly are / | Hle bursts out inte theee ejaculations throughout whole piece The Simple Pittite (referring to Miss Wadman, 4 hero). res 5 not much like his two brothers, is he ? She’s supposed to be the you 2 | Cat, yes, d’ye see? and by-and-by, she’ll co run with mice. They ’ll do all that on the His Wife. But that’s Arora yr »—this is Puss wn Boots ! The 8. P. Oh, it’s pretty much the same sort o’ thing. The A. P. That’s good, eh? The old pies says the Waiters *get what they can,” there’s a good take-orf | His Companion (beginning to find him a bore). A take-off of what ? The A. P. Why, on these Specials, o’ course—you should listen / The Pleased Pittite. These are ’Aymakers coming on now—with their rakes an’ all, you see, wonderful! Oh, (with a wrigg gle of delight) the dresses reelly are too—— [And 80 on. Tue Hartequinape Beers. The P. P. Look at them all walking on the street, ow natural that is, now! A Pittite (discovering @ curious coincidence), That Chemist’s got a queer name, ain’t he? “A. Pitt,’’—not a bad name for a chemist, eh ? he sells pills. [He considers this as a joke of his own. Clown on the Stage (examining large piece of meat). Oh, I say, what’s this ? The Simple P. (solemnly). It’s a flap of beef. [Clown makes a topical allusion with a bust of SHAKSPEARE and a flitch of bacon. The A. P. (laughing heartily). poo’ sanother good take-orf, d’ye see! Bacon was a great poet, too, yer know! A Well-Informed P. No—no we s about a discussion they’ve come to a country over- been getting © in the papers late The A. dessay—I ’ve not ‘cand of it, but I call it a good skit anyhow. [A string of Supers cross the stage, bearing advertisements of a new food in immense letters—whereupon our Alert Pittite roars with laughter, subsequently explaining that he con- siders it ‘‘a’it at the ‘ Times’ news per. The Pleased Pittite (during a“ rally”), Ain’t them vegetables natural they ’re throwing about! I must say See! gw} s beautifall got up ’ere, and the dresses reelly are——[ Words fail him as usual. In THE GALLERY. (4 Champion Bicyclist is performing on Stage.) First ‘‘ Gallery Boy.’ Rides proper, don’t’e? See the medals they ’ve ’ung on him! Second “* G. B.” That’s for the Jubilee. Quite a perfessional, he is—he is a perfessional. [The Clown mentions Lord Satispony—both Gallery Boys express polttical disapprobation in the usual manner. First “G. B,” Bat, I say, mate, didn’t I ’ear you groanin’ at GLa DSTONE ig! now ! ? Second * ’ (indifferently). Werry likely. To tell yer the truth, I ain ¢ a a - ’igh opinion 0’ either on ’em ! In THE Boxes AGAIN, (Curtain falling, after uninterrupted performance lasting considerably over fo our hours.) Several unsophisticated Children, What—is that all?

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Tue best book about the Eton of Keate’s time, is Mr. WiKmN- son’s reminiscences published Ly A oon oe Nice Rar pagent P In ee is thoroug mian, and in spiri The author 4 eandour itself, or itself, for as to some of the most mis- chievous faults of the system he is discreetly silent. His motto is, ‘‘ Eton, with all Vehy faults, I love thee still,” and this sentiment all Etonians will echo, ** gee etua,’ ¢ 2.3 oes motto, an oug time wroug: some ‘changes, yet on the whole the school seems to have been much the same in the of Kearse as it was under his successor Hawrrer, and as, with other woothestions, and - us ho rovements, it posbanig’ will be to the end of the cha the boame of non-Etonian readers, Mr. Wrixinson’ 8 reminis- sana the beast to be hoa as with a glossary of Eton phrase- ology. Every large school has its own peculiar slang, and what constitutes the great charm to outsiders of the conversation which bound to ensue when a few old whether Etonians, | Wykehamists Westminsters, or get together, —but Etonians are the best at it,—is the constant words and ample explanation to be in the least i

allusions which require intel- Higtble te to the oe SST ET ts eats 2 stranger. By all Etonians of the .| past and and to many ayn og as may be familiar with the school, ‘Mr. Wrixurson’s readable reminiscences will be

found uncommonly entertaining.

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‘ite me les at, ys he SRO Rae FSi TT Abe eaebe oP eras?

January 21, 1888,] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 29

THE CHRISTMAS-TREE AT THE HAYMARKET. Srx,— Disrrustine the verdict on a first entation, I deferred my visit until last Thursday, by which time I said to myself, every- thing will be in proper wor order, and I shall be able to pronounce on the merits (if any) of Partners. Whether the play be taken from a foreign novel or not, and Partners is avowedly a dramatised version of Davpet’s novel, Froment Jeune et Risler Ainé, of which the majority of English -— = eee — See

aS 2 The Race for the Ledger. laygoers know nothing, the question is, is Partners a good, an in- Vifferent, or a bad play. My reply is contained in the middle term. If the old story, of the di ding commercial man ‘‘ minding his own business,” and leaving his frivolous young wife an easy pre to the too fascinating scoundrelly friend (and in this case partner of the husband, must be used again as a plot for a drama, it requires strikingly original treatment, telling dialogue, and powerful acting, to make it attractive to the public, which, from the days of Stil Waters run Deep, Tom Taytor’s admirable dramatic version of CHARLES DE BERNARD'S novelette Le Gendre up to now, has ha rather a surfeit of these dishes made from French receipts, the sauce piquante being om napry! omitted. : It is in five Acts, which, at the outset, courts unpopularity. Every- one with the exception of Mr. Atten as the butler (another comic butler! no wonder the one at Toole’s Theatre has left his Sinaticn) snivels at one time or another ; even the villain, I fancied, md to do so when deeply affected by being found out ; and nearly all the characters pass their time in rushing in hurriedly, apy ee a short time, saying nothing worth remembering, and rushing hurriedly out again, as if they were only ‘doing their turns” at the Haymarket,

and had to fulfil other en formance is that of a little ¢ ‘more than seven.” The commercial details of the story are brought into undue pro- minence, and the cleverly contrived scenic realism of the Counting House only serves to sop poy spe relief the unreality of the action and the weakness most striking situations occurs in ts elsewhere. A promising per- in a night-gown, who is evidently e What is intended for one of the Third Act between Mr. Trex and Mr. Kemsre—admirable as the candid, well preserved, confidential clerk—is unduly spun out, or appears to be so, owing to the failure of Mr. Trex to ‘‘come up to time.” Asis Mr, Tree so is the whole piece to be summed up in the phrase,“ 2 peu prés,”—almost, not quite. Meant to be startling it becomes commonplace, the audience listen, passively interested like so many Micawbers, hoping for something to turn up, or for something to come down, w ing, eventually,is the Curtain. Mr. BRooxFreip is amusing in what he has to do in Sopieto, though he has nothing to do with it, and his, per pardonable, exaggera-

tions <f susbecap aod.eation tale tine anke ea-cl too pitts I d| clever), who could have boxed his

have seldom seen Miss Marrow Terry to greater advantage, though, considering the very ordinary type of character she has to imper- sonate, this isn’t saying very much. Why is the senior partner a German f—ex t it gives Mr. Trex an opportunity of saying ‘mein leetle child,” and calling his wife his “frau,” and exhibiting in a C general way an uaintance with portions of an German

conversational phrase- « I could . not see any reason he should | not have been an lishman, Nothing turns on the senior partner being a foreigner; nothing is gained by it, and much, I venture to think, is lost by it, sinee the senior might have been far more ve 7 a new type of English commer- gi a conventional *‘ character part which, in a short sparkling Grr- MAN-REED en be ag | called ** an illustration.” Perhaps if he had a song in broken German-English, it would enliven the piece a bit. Messrs. Bucnawan-Trer’s Hein- rich Borgfeldt (what trouble must have taken over this name is a colourless, shallow - creature, whose emotion never gets beyond a drivel, and whose weak passion never rines above an ebulli- A-part from the piece. tion of temper, in which he is frequently about to strike somebody— once, the old clerk, who could have doubled him up like a shot; once, his young partner, who could have bested him with one hand, and the other tied behind him; once, his wife, who was on the ground ; and, once, his sister-in-law (Miss Acuurcu decidedly ears and brought him to his senses,—but he never carries out his intention. And so is it with the villanous lover, who is porpetactly being foiled at the critical moment. In fact, Borgfeldt’s ineffectual attempts at a striking situation are significant of the piece, and of the acting,—d@ peu prés—almost not quite—-a hit. Quitting the Theatre, I murmured this little song, addressed to myself as your Critic :— Good man, spare this Tazz, Bent knees and startled brow, The piece did not suit me, It may be better now. It was BUCHANAN’S pen Why didn’t some one then Address him thus, and say ;— “Good man, spare this Tazz, His partner and his frau, . Reduce five acts to three!"’ That wrote this five-act play, Too late to do it now. For my part, (which is a very small one’and not in the piece) I should give this advice to the Weeping- Willow-Trrx,—merely ** Change Partners.” Yours sincerely, Litriz Jack Iw Tue Box. P. 8.—Those to whom La Grand Duchesse is a novelty, should not lose this opportunity of hearing it at the — . Tosome of us it revives ly eer memories pleasurably, and for the youthful majority it is a real treat.

Tue “‘ Magdalen Vagabonds” Theatrical Club, of Magdalen Col- lege Oxford, gave, we are informed, a s performance last ednesday in aid of —_ Hospital Fund. 80 good of the Mag- dalen young men to Guys of themselves in the cause of Charity. It was under the direction of Mr. Rorie of Magdalen, and under the patronage of Princess CurisTian ; 80 it was quite a Christian act and a Roy’le entertainment.

A rxovtan old Club card- player, staying at a country- Seeembet sien these a play: ree times before, and two others who couldn’t remember when they had Played last, it was so long ago. unfortunate Professor subse- quently described the evenine’s amusement as ‘ The Whist.”

“UP GUARDS AND AT ’EM!” “I~ one t,”” it is stated, “they have 820 horses and 1,200 men.” Tue Ultra-Liberal promise ‘to disestablish the Welsh Church is considered conservatively as | “a Sprat to catch Wales.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Jancary 21, 1888.

Lo OR : a ¥ ", ey ass or <i : ——,

MYSTERIES OF HEREDITY. Mater. so Manty as 1 covLp wise! I wonpgeR war?’ Pater. ‘‘H'M—aT ANY RATE You ’RE Not, m¥ Lovzs!” ‘Do vou know, Rospert, If SOMETIMES STRIKES ME THAT IN GAIT AND GENERAL APPEARAXCE OUR Bots ARE NOT QUITE You ’RE NoT AN ZrreEMINATE-LOOKING PERSON, AS FAR AS I CAN JUDGE!”

BEAR OR BUG-BEAR? On, what is it comes forth from its fastness in the North, With its breadth and its bulk and its fierce if f form ? What shape is it that rears’ Is’ta ysora "s? And heralds it a laugh, or portendeth it a storm ? From the coldness and the dark it stands forward stern and stark, Fierce as the Fenris Wolf with moist lip and gaping maw. Oh, is it alla sham? Like some droll colossal ag Haz it put on a bear’s hide but to move a moment’s awe ? Bear or Bug-bear? Foe or friend? Parties le and contend, Divine Figure from the North with the merest coat, Or a big blood-thirsty Bruin, bringing war, red and rain, As prompt to crush a friehd as to rend a rival’s throat ? a "ll take the Creature’s word, all suspicion is absurd ; benignant, Father-Chri , soft-hearted Atta Troll, Is this brawny big-toothed brute with the hairy Arctic suit, A Noah’s Ark-y beast, and as harmless as a doll. Hear him say (as though to Alice), “Do not heed my slanderer’s I am not a Bear, my dear; I’m a Bug-bear that is all; {malice ; The Mock-Turtle, my sweet child, wasn't half so kind and mild ; I am all for Peace, you see; to be frightened you’ve no call.” “* As to spear, or sword, or gun; that, of course, is all my fun; _These teeth are not to eat, I’m no carnivorous Like that Wolf who meant no to poor dear Red — Hood ; J am not the sort of brute who on little girls could feast! ”’ Meanwhile he standeth there in the likeness of a Bear, And a brawny Bear at that, and a toothy and a tough ; And as far as one can see, he seems arméd a pie Though he’ll certainly declare—if you ask him that’s all stuif. Oh, wherefore comes he forth, in this fashion from the North ? Is it mischief that he means? Are they teeth? Js that asword ? | peop From the shadows and the snow he will grow! “Ni 1” And they who're so disposed may accept the Monstes’s word.

“INTOIRELY MOLLOYDIOUS! ” At a meeting of the Sarsfield Branch of the National League held recently at Limerick, a gentleman of the name of Mo ttoy distin- guished, or rather extinguished, himself by making certain observa- tions not entirely in accord with the sentiments of those present. He said that “‘ their feelings as Irishmen were so aggravated that they were all of the same opinion, and had about the same words to express what they would like todo.” No doubt anxious to hear an expression of their inmost thoughts, his audience encouraged him with a ** Hear! hear!”’ to proceed, upon which the speaker continued— ** He would tell them that he had always been of opinion, at least for a long time, that Ireland would never be able to get anything from the British Government until she was able to take England by the throat with one hand and show her a rifle in the other. That was what BaLrova and his minions wanted, he supposed.”” Coen this ‘‘ the Secretary” mildly remonstrated ‘‘ that that would be playing into their hands.” Upon which the Mottor explained “that because it was that Ly f had no chance that he would bea party to moral force.”’ After this the meeting were inclined to treat “*the moral force party” with levity, but still he insisted upon attempting to urge his views. Baffled once or twice in obtaining a hearing, he at a managed to protest against a vote of thanks being passed to Mr. Witrem Btunrt for kindly undertaking two months’ imprisonment. The mgert of what followed is so instructive that it is as well to give it in — “Mr. Mottoy said that while he had no objection to passing a vote of thanks to Mr. Biuwrt, he thought they ought not to put themselves very much about in passing it. The English people had voted for coercion for Ireland, and now, if the English people came over here, he did not see why they should not get a taste of it. “ A Member.—You are a fool. Shut up! “Mr, Motioy said he never interfered with any man expressing his opinions, and he did not think he should be interrupted. The English le had given them coercion, and he said now and again if they got a taste of it they deserved it. 4 Member.—Nonsense. Shut up!"’ And taking the hint (which possibly may have had a shillelagh

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Janvany 2!, 1888. BEAR OR BUG-BEAR? “THOU COM’ST IN SUCH A QUESTIONABLE SHAPE! "—Hamlet.

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Jaxvany 21, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 33 behind it), Mr. Motxor did “shut up.” It is said ‘‘ that music hath power to the savage breast,” which reflection recalis to mind fhe fact that this eccentric pon of moral force has a ee one of the most of the day. Could not the jer of ‘* The Vagabond” try hand, or rather lute, upon a person whose name t 4 not incongruous pendant to that justly celebrated song 1 would bea ee Ss oases reat thing fo r Ireland could Mr. OLLoY be com silence—not only for Ireland, but pos- sibly, in these days of Rody ” for Mr. Motto himself ! THE BOW OF ULYSSES. ‘* Tae Bow of Ul ey: say Ora al O Faoune of the fulminant ton Well, your bow’s foech full — you Foot i in the dark, And your arrows, ts wide of the mark, There are mighty ne, get to ne Bull’s eye, —~ are You bow-arm is stout, but you haven’t an e Ah, Frovp be ay wed f , you Se statelet bal But you y gi iven to scold. For the réle of a Goody you given to soold. Clear-sightedness never bre agp with that mood. It was not a morsel the style of Ulysses, And whilst you shoot thus you'll ccore little but misses. You run round our Realm and find everything wrong, Because we will talk. Now that’s coming it strong! If “ the eloquent tongue,” is the devil, why then How much better age you is the eloquent pen,— Say yours, which for — cannot be beat ? Your pictares are — a diction ’s a treat, But ’tis folly to try— wall talk | the hint— To drive men to 8: talk in print. ** Palaver” you favour with many a wipe ; Is it really much better when set up in type? The ‘* Worthies welled tilled were *‘ doers,” ” no doubt ; They fought, trav tilled. Did they ramble and flout ? Dear me! one might think, if one listen to yes. Butt was only a man whilst he quarrelled and slew. If Demos were deaf and the Demagogue mute ; If the poor man were treated once more like a brate ; Were “‘ Palaver” a privilege kept from the crowd ; And confined, like much else, to the wealthy and proud ; If nobody talked save Brsmagck and you, If all Blacks were made slaves, and all Radicals too If GLADSTONE were if Lord CHURCHILL were burked, Whilst the nobles all and the people all worked ; If ‘ Penelope Britain” alone on her isle, Could find Ulysses in—Tommy CaRLYLe Would all go quite right "neath the rule of the Strong One P— If that is the Bow you’ ’d see drawn, it’s a Long One! SINGH SONG. A Lerrer For Durtexr Year. HonovrED FRIEND, Moscow, 10th January, 1888, (As this is, of course, not intended for publication, I pur- posely suppress] your name)—thank you a thousand times for d den. a our undying and routed hatred’ of the assumed com to the downfall of which we —y a both deyoted the remainder of our natural lives; as also for the Postal Order for two-and-sixpence, which, however, I fear I shall find some difficulty in cashing in this barbarous locality. This is awkward, as h Ihave been taking a little money by showing myself up in my **jools,” as our mutually honoured friends in Dublin would call them, still I haven’t yet been able to nobble the ernor , and as fa are getting low, every rouble is a con- — , I am, ‘ore, y applying to a travelling Twolip Bing the: Proud tte oa make ing, I can Vv air Incapable Foo of England. torus with the proprietor, I shall then and there offer to lay life and is servos at the fect ‘of him whom I shall henceforth my Imperial Ring Master. My sword, Ow ied teat na i the bran. falls theongh, think ou there might be frech opening for me country, devoted the remainder of our natural lives? How about the Aquarium? When are Jem Suire Jake Krirrarn “off” ? Couldn’t the Management contrive to work me in somehow with the BetLe Farma, though I’m sure with my ** jools” on and a scimetar and a comic song, with a bit of “‘go” in it, I am quite strong a to ed one. Perhaps Masketyne might see his way to mething Meantime, Honoured Friend, howa ontuay getting int | Parliament for an Irish county ? I should like to in the lobby. suggest this, for, entre nous, I don’t think think “this R Russian business means to P ~ I’ve blus kept up communications with several distinguished Asiatic and E Gy worn my “‘ jools” on Sunday afternoons and Bank Holidays, left the nobs,— but somehow they don’t bite. I Sg — ty go > aoe. So keep your eye open, and as soon as to communicate, write off at once, and be sure to address your letter to Tue Ten Na-son, on Harr Soverzian or tHe Hive snp Srxu Nation, ayp Provp Incapasie For or Eworanp. “UM AFLOAT!” Taz Triats AND TaiumpuHs oF A Torpgpo-Boar. I’ afloat, I’m afloat, for the present at least, Though on what may next happen wild fancy will feast ; But I say, up to now, I’m afloat, I’m afloat, Which is something, you see—for a Térpedo- Boat. It is true my fore-engine is all out of gear, And the top o my feed-pump is busted, I fear ; Bat in triumph I gleam, and in ladness I loat, For—though leaky and crank—I’m afloat, 1’m afloat ! It is much more than some of my consorts can say. Twenty-four of us started one morning in May ; For a trial of steaming we stood out to sea, And, by Vulcan! we fad a remarkable spree. Oh, the joy of the jolting, the pride of the pace A few of us, though, were soon out of the race. Twenty-six miles an hour—for an hour—may do, Till you run on a rock, and disable your screw ! One did so; of course she no more could be used. Another broke down, for her or Canby tenstes fused : A third made a show, but her pride was soon piqued When her engineer found how her main-feed ve leaked. Her fires were then drawn, and, no doubt, ou ’ll perceive That with farnaces empty a ship’ son sick Pp. ; But that was just nothing compared with the next,— I’m assured com was really quite vext. For they ies in ber Sellens She wolet et Ie And the furnace-crown caved in—a terrible » ew ! And the steam all escaped, and it flew far and wide, All the Staff were well and three of them died. Seven boats were thus “‘ boshed”’; will’t rise you to learn That an eighth—it’s A ge it vaguely—“ br broke down on return.” Well, some did something to boast, Though a shaky. disa’ disabled, demoralised host. And now you'll ive—it ’s as clear as a star— What a terrible lot we Torpedo Boats are. To whom? Well—ahem!—to—that is—I suppose, To anyone handy, excepting our foes. You see we go queer, and we get out of gear, Go colliding like fun, being awkward to os Blow up, boil our crews, run ogronas ay, and sink. Won't that frighten our enemies ? What do te think ? M itions are proved, I am By ep of those Trials the the teevtth of I - last May. em, and they’ll second my ie remarks, And you'll own that our trials are wait great larks, For myself, I feel shaky. They put } in dock, But I haven’t entirely recov Still do please recollect, when ‘supplies you next vote, That alt ough of small use, I ’m afloat, I’m afloat! Scocerstioy ror THE Merropotiran Boarp or Worxs.—A “ Grapvuate” thinks that, as a m of recent proceedings, this Board should be known as ‘* The Heb Board.” “On, dear!” exclaimed Mrs. Ram, ‘when are those letters on the Opium Medicum going to stop! I declare when I try to read them I get quite drowsy.” ira opening fr me in tha as we have both A neat True “or Cameni.”—An unflattering Photograph.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 21, 18€8. Old Gent (from ** jo’ the Weighing-Machine !). ‘‘Tatsn musH BE E1on’pay CLock !” it a> 1) 1 li if , qt \ mee | ; i) (i te yn {! | a a ‘ ‘} ‘ ‘ —_==s" FESTIVE. y Krism’ sh Par'y.”’ setting his ‘‘ Wa'sch” to Underground Railway time, by 8S. E. and L. C. & D. Raillery (Victorian Era). **Try I were Chairman of the South-Eastern,” observed Mr. L-ne, ‘‘I should resign like winkin’!”’ ‘* Like winkin’, perhaps,” returned Mr. J. 8. F-nz-s, “ but unlike Warxoy.” ; ** All the same,” remarked a shareholder of the 8. E., “‘ I don’t see weg gem Co-Directors should have written such a reply to our polite request as appeared in last turday’s papers.” ** Well,” replied Mr. J. 8. F-z--s, you see, it’s a way we’ve got; or, I might say, it’s a Abbott of ours.” ‘zeunt omnes severally, Cuanor or Name.—In consequence of the unbounded confidence displayed by the Metro- politan Board of Works in the Key of the Public, and in the conscientiousness of its officials, it will be in Warres a “ Losr Link than was I on Wednesday, Jan. 11. future enti’ Board of Faith Without Works.” Lowpon gr” :—‘' No Evolutionist was ever more eager to find the Missing attempting to return home from the theatre in the dense fog last ——_ POETRY AND PASTRY. Dean Mr. Ponca, I HAVE written this pome about the mince pies, thinking it might be a good thing to have it printed. I have also put in something about Exsre, because she made them. I don’t want my name put to the pome, because the fellows are sure to see Punch, and they don’t understand things of |this kind, and would very likely laugh at 'me. And one doesn’t care to have one’s | friends’ names humbugged about in the |playground. Tom has looked over the verses, and says they are very good, now he | has invested them with artic merit, and he has put in some of his own, which are rather rot. He very nearly got ‘‘ the New- gate” (I always thought ‘‘ Newgate” was a prison, he says it’s a prize un) at Oxford, only he wasn’t allowed to go in for the Exam. for it, as he had to bein training. [ enclose a stamp, not necessarily for use, but as a quarantine of good faith. ours truly, Epwesr Pupprne. (My nom de ** plum.”) | P.8.—If you don’t want to use the stamp, | you might send it back to me. THE POME. | Ecste went down to the Kitchen Where they made the Twelfth-Night feast, | And it’s oh, she look’d so betwitching That Cook from her cooking ceas’d, And let her make tart, pie and cake, And she wasted a pound at least | Of butter and flour; but Cook never look’d sour, And she’s sometimes a surly beast. Oh, the yule log, and the ewe, ewe lamb, But and the yew-tree gray ; And a new 7 ’s coming up, my love, For the old year’s gone away. ‘ [Tom made this up. He says it gives a cachet, She look’d so lovely as she sway’d The paste with dainty fingers, That round the pastry that she made An endless glamour lingers, Like the hidden light of a swallow’s flight, Or the silence of perfect singers. How dull and beas’ly are our schools, And starting is the worst day ; They always have new-fan led. rules, And give us French the first day ; And Etsre’s face will fill the place, Like a mirage when you ’re thirsty. Aunt Posy says that horrid boy Will kill himself with eating, But little wots she of the joy That sets my pulses beating : It’s not the tart that shakes my heart, It’s Exsre, pretty sweeting. And why not die? What hope is mine? She’s now five years my senior. In vain bright eyes upon you shine If rivals come between you ; But the holidays were all divine, And Exsre was their genia.* Yes! How can boy make better end, An end more sweet and sudden, Than smiling die of Exstr’s pie After a course of pudding, : With teeth fast fix’d in the mince she mix’d And her pastry, white and wooden. Oh, the yule log, and the ewe, ewe lamb, But and the yew tree gray ; And a new oa ’s coming up, my love, For the old year’s gone away. * This is a female good genius.

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t the at in nade the ) Bee i of at me's the whe d he ew- asa the ing. use, 3. ”) mp, ght k'd nb, ve, January 21, 1888. ] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL OUR WINTER EXHIBITION OF THE WORKS OF YOUNG MASTERS. Dy i LINE mae 11D ALLERY YUL xe NG eG) AN n* 16 = IT CHARLES DORDLER, Born, 1869. FLovunisugp, 1879—87. No. 1. ‘' Landing of Julius Casar.” This Artist was unknow, in London until he came up for the Pantomime, after which he psinted No. 15, in this Collection which it appears however, had been already preceded by the ‘* Landing of Julius Casar,” and No. 6, A Bather, which it is surmised were ori ly portions of the same picture, as the three were discovered by Miss Taimmer, (eng as day verness by Cuantes Dorper, Senior) in the first page of — ~etd Child’s History of England, which he was studying at the seaside. No. 6. A Bather. By the same Artist. The picture is in admi- rable preservation, as CHanLes Doxpier always took care of No. 1. No. 15. “Actors.” By the same Artist. This was drawn when he was seriously thinking of adopting the Stage as a profession. He went so far as to buy a Theatre, with real lamps for wicks and oil, an orchestra full of musicians in blue and red, and the side-boxes well filled with a paying audience. Bat these theatrical speculations got him into a great mess specially with the oil-lamps and paint) and he soon relinquished the idea. No. 16, ‘ Soldiers on Bridge.” Bythesame. A fine composition. JOHNNIE DOBBIN. Bory, 1869. Frovarsusr, 1881. No.2. ‘‘ Robinson Crusoe, his Pets, and Friday.” We on unfortunately, very few specimens of this excellent Young Master, most of his sketches having been destroyed by his younger brother and sister, who, in conjunction with the baby Cova ge , cut them up for ‘‘scraps,’’ which, after having formed part of the celebrated Danusseri Collection, were summarily disposed of by the authorities who guard these treasures. , It is probable that this picture was painted about 8°30, just before going to bed, as it bears traces of his later manner. By way of aiding the pathos of the design, the dignity of the Crusoe bei t in his noble though wild air, the Artist has given a cortaln ecting significance to the figure of fim The animals, it is conjectured, are by another hand, perhaps his left. ‘ e No. 7. A Sea Piece. By the same Artist. There is, we believe,

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36 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. [Janoany 21, 1888, another version of this great work extant. Observe the breeziness of the sails, the massive heaviness of what is miscalled a Light House. Also notice the sky above and the sea below. This somewhat novel arrangement has been largely copied by servile imitators. No. 11. ‘“' Blue Beard.” By the same. A fine conception. The Savage Turk has seized his hapless bride, the twentieth victim, by the hair of her head, and waves his flashing scimitar in the air, while on the roof of the castle is seen the iri re of Sister Anne as she scans the horizon and gives the t intelligence to her sister below. A curious circumstance is related in ion with this picture. While Jom~wre Dorsrin was at work on it with the box of paints that had been given him on his previous birthday by his uncle Mr. Botan, his cousin, Bruty Botanre, between whom and Joannie there had always existed considerable rivalry, entered the t,and in the absence of Jounnie, took up a brash ch with lamp-black and made a great ‘‘splosh”’ (as he termed it) on Blue Beard’s eye. Joumwis, on returning, exclaimed, “ Bunty has been here. .... and has given Blue Beard a black eye.” Whereupon he immediately sallied forth, and, overtaking Bruty in the street, produced the same effect on his cousin’s eye as Brity had on Blue Beard’s. After this lesson they became the greatest friends, and it is said that Brrr lent Jouwnre his own box of paints and imparted to him many of the secrets by which he had attained success in his own peculiar line. BILLY BOLAINE. Born, 1868. Fiovaisusp, 1880—82. No. 3. Landscape, with horse, ducks, and figures. Silvery effect of about eight o’clock in the morning anywhere. The animals have given rise to some discussion, but the general impression seems to be that the Artist, who never depicted anything without a subtle mean- ing, originally intended at least one of them for a cow. — sm. figures Sabelig represent members of the painter's men § is a good story told about the ducks in this picture, which we have quite forgotten. It is a question whether the hand of his cousin Jeanmm Dorsty is not evident in more than one of his ducks. No. 5. Hunting. By the same Artist. Full of life and move- ment. That the Artist should have selected subjects from count life is all the more remarkable from the fact of his never having left London until long after he had given up painting. Our own Lanp- skER, or any of the great Dutch painters, would have found consider- able difficulty in representing a horse and hounds with the fidelity to | nature displayed by this Young Master. Artists admire the lumi-| nosity of the background where the fox is visible. The fox is worthy of his brush! This is certainly Botaryer’s young-master-piece. GEORDIE PORGEE. Born, 1876. Friovrtsaep, 1886—7. No.4. The Mac Marmalade of Dundee. Lent by the Artist's parents. Georpie was, from a very early period, devoted to the Orange cause, as represented by the Orange-women with whom, when walking in the neighbourhood of Covent Garden, he was never weary of conversing. He was at one time thinking of becoming an Orange Boy, but was deterred from this project by his maternal aunt, Mrs, MacTorrie, one of the Harpsakes of MacCalmond Rock, who assured him that the Sweets of Home were preferable to anything he could ft. abroad. The picture represents a distinguished ancestor of the Artist, Tae MacMaematape of Dandee, from whom he inherited the peculiar taste which kept his palette thoroughly employed. We hope to dine with his excellent parents next Tuesday, and to be invited to have a little rabbit-shooting near Bannie Dundee. HORHYD LYTTEL PIKKELL. Boun, 1875. Frovrisusp, 1887. No. 8. Horse and Man.—For the first few years of his existence very few persons had the slightest idea of the variety and extent of his genius. Horayp Lyrrret PixKeLt was a great animal-painter. Several interesting stories are told of him in this capacity. ‘At one time,” an old y informed us, “‘ he was uying my house, where I had some sweet pets—Tibby, the white eat. Phibby, the black one, Beauty, the pug, and a miniatare King Charles. Scarcely had Lyrret PrxkeLt been a day in thethouse, when he developed his extraordinary talent for spent ory I well remember theevening. He said the colours looked better by candle- light, and you can imagine my delight and surprise when I saw Tibby covered all over with red and black spots, its face painted like that of a wild Indian, Phibby all over Chinese white with a vermilion tail, the pug coated with orange-pink, and the King Charles a bright sky-blae. With the true modesty of genius Lrrret Pre«et denied all knowledge of the work ; but artistic power will come out, and, after some hesitation, the animal-painter stood confessed. On hearing his avowal I felt I should do wrong to confine his talents to my house, and he left.” Thereare many similar stories told of him, He never stayed long in any one place, and rarely ever visited the same locality a second time,—not, at least, to the knowledge of the inha- bitants who would have been only too glad to have given him the reception his merits deserved. —_—_.. MASTER HARRY SANDFORD. Born, 1874. FLovuRIsHmo CHIEFLY IN THE Cuaistmas Howtpays, 1836, No. 9. Copy from memory of the celebrated portrait of an Ancient Justice known by his contemporaries as ‘‘ Old Judge.” is is not from any private Collection, but has been taken from a public hoard. ing in the a. An acquaintance of the Artist informs us that it was painted just before Ha ReY Sanprorp went to the Crite- rion Bar. Master Harry Sanprorp lingered over this gem, this Richmond gem, until he was seized with an attack of illness, which resulted in the immediate attendance of Mr. Bartow with Dr, Brace. This Artist isknown as ‘‘ Young Harry,” and judging from specimens of his peculiar work, some critics have conjectured that he was not altogether uninspired by ‘‘ Old Harry.” ITTY BOBBY. Bory, 1879. Friovrisnine, 1888. No. 10, Battle Piece. This spirited pictare has never been exhibited. Such works are scarce. Highly finished as it is, it was completed at a single sitting. Few military men can look on this without feeling that Irrr Bossy must have witnessed the scene he so_vividly realises. Yet it is not so. LITTLE THOMAS TUCKER. Born, 1870. Fiovrisusp, 1880—1. No. 12. Portrait of the Painter by himself. No work of Art that we have ever seen conveys so forcibly the sense of absolute loneliness as does this of Tuomas Tucker by himself. His is a sad history. He took to vocalisation in order to procure food, and, neg- lected by his friends and an unappreciative public, chose to be « recluse, and ‘disappeared from artistic life. At one time, perha there were few Young Masters who had achieved greater fame, hi There | 22m, ** Little Tom Tocksr,’ being a household word. Now we scarcely ever hear of him. It is supposed, with what truth we do not know, that the refusal of the well-known conceited and selfish gourmand, J-ck H-Ry-n, to share any portion of his festive meal at Christmas-time, broke T. Tucker's heart. We trust, for the credit of humanity, that this story is not true. SAMUEL NOODLEKYNS (Tas Youncszr). Bory, 1870. FLovurtsuep (ror ong Dax), 1887. No. 13. ‘A Sentry of Art.” One of the soldiers on guard at the National Gallery. For this admirable, and, as we believe, unique specimen of this Young Master's work, we are indebted to Nataaniet Nooptexrys (the Elder). It was intended for the present Exhibition at the Grosvenor Gallery, as illustrating ‘‘ 4 Cent’ry of Art,” but the Artist’s friends discovered too late for the Artist, but not for Art itself, that at the Grosvenor Gallery only the works of Old Masters were admitted. This unforeseen disap- pointment embittered the Young Master’s life, and at the beginni of the New Year he exclaimed, “‘I will paint no more!” a decision which, while it was hailed with considerable satisfaction by his parents and most members of the household, ca great grief to one of his earliest and staunchest patrons, Mrs. Crane Starcuer, The Washerwoman of ma saggy yf who was accustomed to take away with her, every Monday, the family pocket-handkerchiefs used by the Artist in the course of his work, as well as his pinafores and those of his little sisters, which.she treated with all the reverent enthusiasm of a relic-collector. TOMMY MERTON. Born (UNCERTAIN). FLOURISHED—CONTEMPORANEOUSLY WITH Harry Sanprorp, THe YounGcsEr. No. 14. “‘ Old Bogee. A beast—I hate him!” ’ This is probably a portrait of the Rev. Mr. Bartow, Jun.,in full academicals. There is a certain sad dignity in the features which commands ‘respect and inspires distrust. The misleading initials are evidently intended to conceal the authorship. ANONYMOUS. Born, 1876. Fiovurisuzp, 1880—87. No. 17. ‘* Papa.” The Motto, “It is a wise child that knows its own father,” is written at the back of this picture. This is evidently a cryptogram, concealing the name of the Artist. Several amusing stories are told of this painter, for which we have neither time, space, nor patience, and, therefore, shut up the show. A Losr Vocatroxy.—The M.B.W.., i.¢., the' Metropolitan Board of Works, would have elected Mr. Hess as its private Chaplain had he not renounced all idea of taking orders. Though he professed him- self perfectly willing to wear the M. B. Waistcoat, A certain ‘* Goop Iynines.”—J, L. Toote playing Cricket on the Hearth,—and a very good place to play it too in this beastly weather. Home Roce Betow Srains.—At Winchester this policy is entirely for Kitchin use. t(H NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied ty a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. there will be no exception. To this rule

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Janvaar 21, 1888 MEDAL, PARIS EXMIBITION, 1878. INAHAN'S “run ohtan oR most WHOLESOME, £ PRIZE MEDAL, DUBLIN EXHIBITION, 1885, QREAT TITCH FIELD STREET, LONDON, W. URKE’S =m st HK IE WHISKEY, |: OST DELICATE WHIBKEY @@ THE WORLD, BOTTLED IN DUBLIN. eamrLe (One Dozen) on. Dublin, Carriage in sme ee United Kingdom. PRICE 42/- PER CASE. £.& 3. BURKE, DUBLIN. RICHD. MATHEWS & and B, HART BT,, BLOG ef late of Albany St., N. apente for India ;—Cur Palen, & ©. ele bottle, as a sample, te ey pase Web ‘en v addr ss on receipt om P.o. SHAY &,00°8 FINEST wv Pearuseen & to. “kan ey. OWELL'S mrt NISEED Covens, s throes without it. s, Pharmacie Delacra rdam , Santen Kollf. P epared ow MAS POWELL Ltd) Blackfriars R4.,J ondon. Geneva, a Established over Ay ESTABLISHED 1825. NEAVE'S FOOD Hem. BEST AND CHEAPEST. Th MINDIEN AA R LOZENGE, VERY — Te Tike CONSTIPATION, orrhoids, Bile, Loss of Gastric and Intesti troubles, Headache arising from them. GRILLON. B. GRILLON, 69, Queen Street, City, London. BOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS AND DRUGGISTS, Qs. G4, A BOX. 2/6 «.: caro came S/F ravens Complete in Box with Copyright Kules Supersedes Whist, Loo and Nap “There is plenty of scope for intelligence. "—Graphic “ Plenty of play and a deal of amusement,''—Globe. OF all Dealers in Fancy Goods throughout the World, or of Norbert Fitch & Co., 30, Bury St. London, Bo. a PACET, Surgeon Dentist, 46, STRAND. (Pacing Charing Cross Station). an PAGET'S Painless method of FIXING TENTH PLATES or PALATES, &e, M4 a in the Illustrated Pamphiet, ent post tree. STUTTERING !! fs quickly and eter =| | ag dy the establish - ERNST BERLIN, = ne eae i ar A a Wea port paid paid. Pees ast 4 after NESTLE’S gx F000 for INFANTS. Also well adapted for CHILDREN and INVALIDS. desis of NESTLE'S FOOD fe choice milk Swiss cows, concentrated In vacuo at a low re, © &8 to preserve its original valuable To this concentrated milk is ed a Sittle sugarand some whent flour, the wheat | having been previously sulmitted to a special of baking, whereby the Insoluble portions @re excluded. The prodpct Obtained In this way sets as a solvent upon the caseine, and prevents the milk from curdiing In large jumps, rendering the whole compound, which is of the hizhest netri- tive value, as digestible as mothers milk. re aareiae tay ee LAVENDER aor “heft. WATER, ‘176 ana ana 179, STRAND. At the Railway oe generally through- Prices, Ys. toe. " 73 Free, 24, extra. MAPPIN & WEBB'S SPOONS & FORKS THE 6P ongat: esssccant goees == vaiuabie in eu la. vw elective in all those cases in which we ‘have prescribed it."—Mepicat Peess, —. 6 , te. 6d., and Lis, Of all Ohemists. . 4 be ek: “Tongs “FOR THE BLOOD Is THE Lire.” CLARKE’S WORLD-FAMED BLOOD MIXTURE, Is warranted tocieanes the Blood nee Wench, hom whatever cause 10! . hood Diceatied iene ot —— toresot asl kinds Skin in a as iweb oa all Chemists, 4 mCOLH skp Mib aie marvellous. + B cei acme Cours» , Lincoln. GUEST’S ENAMELS. All Colours — Kaths, Domertic, and Art rations. Res > land boiling water, and oid in minutes. In , te, and 4+, Tings id by Tron mongirs, Omen ssi Unesnlots obery@ ere. Shade | List and a 1 particulars fom Lendon Warehouse, 73. ST. JOMN STRYET, HC. t ve KRYONK SHOULD TRY THIee Farent They are simply perfection | fur those se Who write repidiy. 1 is almost, in pos ibe to make wl ie the pa or an they. o ‘ur cequire dipping br arty 60 Often as other Pems, Price 1s. yg taker Pittern, 2 iM Sold. 4 ah indices. weaiire, {LEA & PERRINS' SAUCE. Sa SO ae ue am Biscawavey Londen and hxport Ollmet Retail by Dealers in — thevaghout the Worl, LUGGAGE, PASBENGER, éc. For HOTELS, MANSIONS, Go, LIFTS DINNER and INVALID LIPTS. , 600,, Lim., RATHBORE PLACE, W MADE WITH BOILING WATER, EPPS’S CRATEFUL—COMFORTING. MADE WITH BOILING MILK, n , TOBACGONISTS’ TRADE. OW TO OPEN —— et from #ny amount. how ~~ Jtust rated logue, 3 stamps. “Then FPRIEDIAN DER 8, Houndsditch, Londen. Established @ years WRIGHT'S COAL TAR neccpesetm" SOAP, ASPINALL’S ENAMEL. INIMITABLE, ORNAMENTAL, USEFUL Colours exquisite, Suriace jike "Porcelain and Outdoor Work, Kenovating Bold every where. Tins, Post Free, Se. Abtrreatt’s Exawet ¥ on ks, London. LADIES INCLINED 70 THINNESS, with its atterdent discomforts, are invited to send addressed envelope for a PAMPHLET, containing interesting end lastructive advice on the Development of the Figure by natural means, to Madame STEPHAN, %, NEW CAVENDISH STREET, LONDON, W HOPING CouGH. — —ROCHE’ 3 The ecievrates efiectuai cure without ipternaa! medicine Sole Wholesale Agents, W. Eowsnve & Son, 157, Queers eet (iormerly of 87, St. Youl's Charen yard). Bola by most Chemists, I rice 44. per bottie, EVERY REQUISITE *1 yoR THE STABLE and HARNESS ROOM TO BEB SEEN AT 0, 194, Piceadilly (Prince’s Hall), Cures Skin Diseases. A thi v be. 62 rod te ag — eg Pee & . ea “hapestone. rice We “tas of nctpel Vertamers ani heut the World. Agents, M Tloves- mibts pen & ps Ade Bi ond @, Berners Street, London, W HOWARD BEDFORD

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PUNCH, | ‘OR | THE LONDON CHARIVARL. —Jawvanr 31, 1888. The GOLD MEDAL of the International Health Exhibition, London, has been awarded for this Food; le : ; | and it is recommended | i ls 64. “ “ by the LANCET i ‘ , and the entire Medical Press. CHILDREN, and INVALIDS. 1, Exchange St, MANCHEST, ~~ DASAAREARRDAASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALA AAAS 24.4 ‘ " Pears Soa FOR THE COMPLEXION “1 never experienc ed 80 much benefit.’ CANON LESTER. “T think them excellent.” Gro. GROSSMITH. a COUGHS, THROAT, & VOICE, Contains no Opiate. Pleasanttothe Taste, ALL CHEMISTS, Is. 1}d. MADE FOR J. & G. HAWKE BY ALLEN & HANBURYS, LONDON. Ree eeenennnnnnnww By Special Royal Appointment. 5 PURE WOOL SPEARMAN'S ‘“ox:y New Winter DEVON “, mf According to the Queen, “It has no rival. “SERGE Thousands of Custe ~ ya aaa 4 os no soe article Rm + equals this in general ut mies’ lrenees, 6d to & td ‘Tee Ry For Children, po rr © %. the yard. For Gentiemen’s wear, double ls, @¢. the yard. The Navy Plues emi the «. Om reeript of instructions . sempics will be ¥. N.M.—Any length cut, and Carriage Paid to principal Rallwey Stations Goods packed for Export. BUY DIRECT OF GPEARM AN& SPEARMAN, Plymouth. Only Address NO AGENTS Hen €F Hanburys’ Castor Oil Tasteless. Pure. Active. Sold everywhere at 6d., 1/, 1/9 & 3/. ORRIN III none USED by HER MAJESTY’S SERVANTS. Needham’s oo “ty —~- pT —_= ~ ” tmenen Paste “SUNDAY MORNING. searee . FROM THE CRIGINAL PAINTING BY SHORT, IN THE POSSESSION OF THE PROPRIETORS OF TORS aNB Sous aworacre ’ JOH PICREREO 6 SRS ESRETIEL, PEARS SOA P. Always EN ask for ury GUARANTEED a a a RT LAAAAAAAAAS AAA MAAN MMM MMMM Ot bt Mtl te > > 0% tte te te te eet PP —— PURE & SOLUBLE. Qy 0coa (REGISTERED) i wh 4 ?. SS Primted by William Stuart Smith. of No 9, Loraine Road, Holloway, in the Perish of St. Mary, Islinzron, in the C ante Hlesex, at the Print ag Offers of Messrs, Bradbury, Agnew, & Co., Lombard am tue Precinct wi Whitetriars, i we ‘ity of Louden, and Published by him ut Nu. &, Flect >t. cet, im Lue Puiou vi Dt Bride, City of Londoa.—oarvanat, January i,

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Will be published on the 26th Mr. Punch’s Victorian Era. Part 9. Price 2/- Our River. ByG. D. — R.A. Part 7. Price 4/- [Brapsurv, Acwew, & Co., 8, 9, 10, Bouverie Street, E.C ‘ bh “UL BS ) VOLUME THE NINETY-FOURTH. —e— JANUARY 28, ee = 5 See iw ae 0) SE a SOW AHS > , User | 1 Al) HA ul ml = OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET. AND SOLD BY ALL | BOOKSELLERS. Mr. Punch g Victorian Era. From The Times.—“ There can “d no , bett ‘Ller ‘book for a drawing-room table to suggest subjects of talk than Mr. Punch’s Victorian Era. It would be hard to surpass the pregnant humour of the more famous of the political Cartoons. They put the points on all the critical periods of our Parliamentary hislory, and indicate in effective outline the action of political ceiebrities.” Vol. I, 312 Cartoons. 13/6 Z3¥HL 301d “SON3d Registered at the General Post Uffice as a Newspaper.)

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? PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Janvanrr 28, 1888. ONGMAN'S MAGAZIN i 4y ++ Price sux Pan E, Ry the Author of “Joba ‘Daee.” ae. a XXITl_—XXVI.— The Austomy of Act- ll. By Willem Archer.—— Wetting for the Train. By Bervard Hastie _—A Queer Basiness. By W. B. Norris Dress and Extravagance. By Mre. Reeve.——Orchids. bby Frederick Boyie — Unele Pierce. By Charles Bietherwick. Chapters 1th At the Sign of the Ship. By Acdrew Lang London HE MATRIMONIAL HERALD AND FASHIONABLE MARRIAGE GAZETTE is the orig’pal and only recognised medium for Hign-Clas » reductions. olal Agency in ° The largest_end mest successful World. Price 34.; in Addrem Editor, @, Lamb's Conduit Street, London, W € LONOMANS, GREEN. & CO MAPPIN & WEBB’S DRESSING BAGS. Indigestion, Constipation. DAHL’S DYSPEPSIA CAKES. NO DRUGS. NATURAL REMEDY. Recommended by several eminent Medical Men. Or att Onvumrs. Sample Rox, 2s. éd., Post Pree. DAHL'S ACENCY, 41, EASTCHEAP, LONDON. ASSURANCE COMPANY HEAD OrFices LONDON x ABERDEEN a ¢ . wy CONCENTRATED SOLUBLE FRY’S PURE COCOA) : “It has a delicious flavor.’’—A. P. B. Moore, M.D. SAMUEL BROTHERS. Boys’ Schoo! Outfits. upon } on 7 Mare- Brae for the wear of Gentiemen, Boys, or ladies, together with their {xecermarep Cata- containing 0 Engrev- ngs. This furnishes details of the various P SAMUEL BROTHERS, MERCHANT TAILORS, OUTFITTERS, &c., 65 & 67, Ludgate Hill, Lonpon, E.C. C. BRANDAUER & CO.’S CIRCULAR POINTED Eaters PENS pencil, end neither C.BRANDAUERSCY rt. 4,1) - iran. Teles esustuPENS POINTED Seven Prize Medals awarded. Assorted Sample Box, 64., or post free for7 stemps from Birmingham. CORATE TE D rour HOMES! The tesuey of tlie of Stained Glass in every house can be enjoyed by using M‘Caw, Stevenson S| tent Orr's Paten GLACIER WINDOW DECORATION. Tt can be applied to any window by any person without previous experience in the — of the article. Invaluable where there are windows with disayrecabile outlooks. 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AR’s ARP he fl ty he o DO ‘e. luy be ot rT) + uy ALL Woo, IZES. : SONS udgate | Jaxvasy 28, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 37 ANO 2 ¢ FI NOEPENDENWp F “Ties et *7ICKS!” “T stand here for ‘ justice’—to Ireland.” ‘** BRAYVO, NOT SO BAD AS IT SEEMS. (An Echo from the Rue Faubourg St. Honoré.) “ What is now Lord Lyrron’s official residence has been allowed to fall into almost squalid disrepair. The furniture and fittings would look shabby in a second-rate pension.”’—St. James's Gazette. Tue British Ambassador the room with thoughtful brow, pausing only now and again . one or other of his feet caught in a rent in the well-worn ** How can the signing self. “‘An hour’s iene, and the present Government will have 7a, and we should then have to deal with their successors! What oo pes do here?” The query was addressed to a young man who silently entered the room. “T have to a | to od Excellency,” replied the new-comer, respectfully, ‘for vey wo gh myself before you without a signal, but the last time I the door the panel cracked beneath my knuckles, It is a wonder ro me that you have been able to entertain in this ruinous place.” a * ra I dt my own seed, ” said Sa] Pest bpm et nod- ing 800! y; gostnatarediy, snd esture inviting his visitor to place some his hente on a table. ** Again, my Lord, I — ig curried i} the Private Secretary, for that was his position ; a Ae bat Thave m 1 ee the advi- sability of following the course you seemingly propose. I have good reason for believing that were I to put = g on that table i would not bear it.” “And this new Treaty is no light matter,” laughed the British Ambassador. ‘‘I wish re that I could delay its signature. nd “The Foreign Minister is sure to be punctual. Ah! I hear his ring,” and the I Private Secretary looked out of the window. he stamped his foot with annoyance. “He has pulled the with pow! force to 4 e bell-wire !”’ ead Pa ™ ou our thoughtless impatience ve driven your through the floor. weer Ine to imbedded ta tho th and plaster ! Von chaniil bocieee comes |” was the angry response. The British Amhassador had not time to offer further 7 tion before the French Minister for Foreign Affairs prese lf “Your Excellency,” said the Gallic ical, “I have brought the Treaty with me, which now awaits your gor"? ** Are you quite sure it is all iis t?” drawled out Lord Lrrtox, Then | p handle orienty bess upon ies of the interview. sure, my 3 rar take a pen the matter can be a tai Se PET Gadhnen teats te cane came tet red a al on one, a authorised by your Government to do all this? asked the British Ambassador, carelessly. “A times yes,”” was the Frenchman's reply. continued, ‘‘ See, I have laid out the document on that table and all you have to do is to seat yourself on this chair, and sign it.” Seat m self on that othe the Treaty be avoided?” he asked him- | this chair! Never!” cried Lord Lyrrow, with a pee really so cruel as it is called? “Then I suppose I must give you a lead ;” and the Frenchman own on = Gone ay The Ambassador and the Private Secretary toed gas ying 96 him transfixed with terror. Suddenly there was a a heavy fall. The chair had given way under the very considerable weight of the Frenchman, who was now lying in an u ified position on the floor. The two English- men immediately assisted him to rise. “We really must apologise,” began Lord Lytro we ma mind apologies,” replied the Gaul; “‘ let us ssign the Treaty.” 00 late!” said the English Ambassador, with his ear to A telephone ‘I regret to inform you that your Government & fallen, and that you consequently are no longer in charge of the a of ooo Affairs. Oe . ” hissed ont Frenchman, as ge took bis depastune. “ Just in time,” said Lord Lytrow ; “* just in “That chair giving way under him was most ae ” observed the Private Secretar “Yes,” returned i Lord Lytrow, Sieeniy. ** the pa beg way of England, nay, the peace of the World, have been protected by our de eotive furniture! Let us complain of it no longer.” And they did not. UPON AMARYLLIS Causing him some displeasure, By Sxpizy Srovrer. Tuer told her, when a wayward| With frozen glee her growing Her temper tod Smt child, fears A bogey man, unk wild,|} She Would run away onthe her ; As a richest q wont fs A. 1... a _ y simpering mien tries ant Till wide through fashion’s tillea And oulks the livelong day, halls That so at least a bogey man Young AMARYLLIS smiled, May carry her away. “*CELEBRITIES” NOT “AT HOME.” We have just seen the first number of Men and Women of the Day, containing admirable ee of Miss Mary AwpEnrson, Lord Hantrxetow (Ex-Cabinet size), and Cardinal Newmay, quite the best we have seen of these Celebrities. If the series is equal to first sample, it will be historically interesting, and most valuable as specimens of ‘the Messrs, BARRAUD's photographic art. They do not say whether their intention is to give us one lady and two gatas every month, or to vary this proceeding occasionally, but arrangement in this first number, with “‘ Our Mary” ions the Cardinal in a brown study, and Lord Hartrvotow, * himself to the life,” that is in rather an awkward position and ing some- what puzzled, and neither of them paying the slightest attention to charming Perdita, is decidedly humorous. Cheerful! Wasn’r this a nice advertisement for the Christmas holidays? It was in the Morning Post (not the Evening ot let there be any mistake about this, Sir ALrczrnon) for December 3] ete (English) for Three Children, eldest 15; aly be a thorough lautad hen 3 and well able to administer corporal punishment; good ; age about 24; write full particulars as to pees of inflicting punish- me 4 also salary required ; personal interview in London necessary. Isn’t that pleasant, Dr. Brecu? Such advertisements ought to — a paper all to themselves,—say, for example, The Whipping Scent per Scent. “* Jocxey Crus” we know’s a pleasant scent, B ped pn "tis Consty beneeta’ a nt ‘) nd genuine r s eaute vine Sos key Clnb shall be—a disinfectant ! Just wHat MIGHT BE Exprcrep.—The Odium Medicum runs so high, that at one West-End Club, lee meee oy mopatiet peing, Put 8 up as a candidate, the Allopathists banded together and “ Vale! Dewnive departs? Pleasure has Punch in penning A fond farewell. ** Give you good den’,’’ good Dzxmie! Tax Inpuayw Mary.—A Bill before the Indian Legislature ure pro- poses to constitute cock- fighting en indictable offence. But is that The cocks themselves like shudder, ‘‘ Never!” hting, m= whilst living, they “* live like fighting cocks.” VOL, XOIV, E

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. (January 28, 1888, | THE GREAT FIGHT Between the ‘' Game Globule” (Grimthorpe’s Novice) and the “ Pharmacopeian Pet,” ex-Champion Heavy Weight, Holder or the Allopathic A Tale of the ‘‘ Times,” retold in (more or less) Homeric Verse. Beli, de., de. Mosk, sing of the merriest mill, between two pugilistical rivals, That yet has been seen in the ring, in this season of fistic revivals ! Don’t =e of Smrru and Kitzaiy, or of Sutirvan, known as the “8 ugger,” Their sets-to compared with this one are mere samples of tame hageer-mupger. The tale is a tough one to tell, it needs some such a muse as Macavtay’s. The gallant and genial Grimrnonre—himeelf a rare dab with his “ mawleys,” Got ~ Pn true sporting affair, he’s the bravest and boldest of ers, The lads that he got in the ring were a couple of regular crackers. The “ Pharmacoy wian Pet” —seniores priores—a veteran, Hes pet lots of fight in him yet, for a big’un you'll scarce find a tter ‘un, h NYA haa my WF wy Ww WV, , AA A ~S * NN ry A “ oe gE Ee P: True he of late runs to flesh, is a trifle too beefy and lumpy, And lovers of ** science” may deera that his style’s rather flashy and jumpy : But he still has “‘a damaging right,” so his backers at least are persuaded E And quick “knocking out,” his pet tactics, by weight and his inches are aided. Tn fact he’s a sort of a SULLIVAN, pe | and rather vain-glorious, Full of disdain for his foeman, at ca sure of being victorious. Gau«rnorr’s ‘ Game Globule,” au contraire, is rather a light-weight at present, But quick on his pins as a cat, with a “left” far too hot to be P nt, As promptly the P. P. discovered ; the P. P. of course forced the tighting ; He hasn’t got much of a guard, so he goes in for rushing and smiting.

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Jaxvary 28, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 39 be bE Wiig | yy ii —e W NY VY H — | if 1\ w. 26 s- * LAPSUS a LINGUA.” Parson (who is also an enthusiastic Amateur Photographer, his mind wandering during the Service), ‘‘' AND Now FIX YOUR Evzs ON THAT MARK ON THE WALL, AND LOOK PLEASANT!” His “‘ mug” wore a confident smile, which some might esteem a bit bounceable ; f These big’uns are apt to be cocky, but even a Titan is trounceable. P. P. will nurse the delusion that Novices such as our G. @. “ Ain’t never no .” “Let him come,” cried P. P., “and I’ll knock him to Fiji!” Pharmacopoia And then the ‘Game Globule” did come, and faced him of the With steadiness, stoutness and skill of which P. P. had scarce an idea. To Fiji he would not be sent, and that fact gave the P. P. the fidgets ; — - es ” the P. P. to-rights, and he dodged his redoubtable igits, ; And Gaiwrnorre cried ‘‘Go for him, G.G.!” and G. G. most certainly went for him ; Wey P. P. meant for him. | He ought to have been soon “ knocked out.” but escaped the big And P, P.’s backers waxed wroth, and they howled to their | « Wire into hime BP | they yelled; *b ht into pl ire into him, P. P.!”’ they yelled; ‘* bring your right into play, and Lage « him,” They were awful big Pots, were those backers, Corinthians hizh and exclusive, [and abusive. Who thought they were cocks of the walk, and to prove it were hot Monopolists mighty, they fancied that Vietory followed their banners So much as a matter of course, that they didn’t heed logic or manners. Shake hands with a “G. G.”? Oh! no. Infra dig. It was most condescending To fight him—a summary way his confounded pretensions of ending. And | a slog, their P. P.? ‘‘ Mighty Cesar, that was a pile- river Oh! if it had only got home! But G. G.’s such a dodger and diver. Tie ie isn’t what we expected ; that Grorrmonrn’s a deadly eceiver. He dares to administer feel who ought to be l-receiver. Knocked out, the G. G.? Not at all. No; round after round comes up smiling. rili » ng. How many more rounds will the fight last? It’s ficing and terribly Best (oko the men out of the ring; the G. G., though a cad, is so er That if our P. P. is not pumped, it seems likely to go on for ever!” AN ITALIAN PEACE-PRESERVER. PHILADELPHIA should, to merit its name, be the abode of brotherly love. Nominally, just the place to go to fora peacemaker. Thereat, accordingly, the Italian Government has lately ordered a piece of ordnance which, it may be hoped, will answer its purpose in case of need—a pacificator in the shape of a pneumatic dynamite gun. “ This gun is to throw a shell containing 600 pounds of dynamite four miles. The work of construction has been begun.”’ When it shall have been completed, may the work of construction contribute in terrorem to render the work of destruction unnecessary. British War Office, please copy. A Look Ahead. (Taken after reading the account of recent Cricket in Australia ) Moses and Tvrwer, of New South Wales Seem rattling good hands with the bat and the bails: Every cricketing zealot in England’s a yearner To bowl against Moses, or stand up to Tunwer. The Australian Team of this year, Punch supposes, Will scarce turn out Tunwer, and miss Mosxs ; And so, in advance, Mr. Punch giadl ils Turner and Moses of New South Wales! DrsrorBances In Rovew Catueprat.—The Vauriens are emula- ting the misconduct of the London Roughs who invaded West- minster Abbey, smoked pipes, sang songs, and so forth. Perhaps some of our nice people went over to assist. No wonder they were evidently ‘‘or the road to Rouen.” A Senres or recent Anticies im tHe ‘‘Darty Teteorarn.”— Articles de Luck’ s. Menety Tentative.—The ion of a Try-on at the Admiralty. With two other Lords, they might have made it a Tryonvirate.

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: PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Janvany 28, 1888. Ay Lire) ey: id i t iN] it i) ly 7) HA "yt My it] Hii a ny Wit) tT nk A SENSE OF PROPORTION. ‘Wa-WA-WA-WATHER Fa-FA-FA-HA-HA-HOGGY, EB, Tom ?” ‘Ratner Foooyt Yes. Bur, my pEAR Jack, you STAMMER TEN TIMES MORE IN LONDON THAN YOU DID IN NewcasTLe, EvEN! How's raat!” *“* La-La-La-LA-LONDON 'S TA-TA-TA-TEN TIMES AS BA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BIG A P-P-LACE, You Kyow!” “ LESS THAN (MAN) KIND.” A Lubbocky sort of Fable, “The familiar world which surrounds us may be a totally different place to other animals; to them it may be full of music which we cannot hear, of colour which we cannot see, of sensations which we cannot conceive.”—Sir Jounw Lussock on The Senses of Animals. Tue Fox and the Ass travelled along the blue roads running through pink grass and shaded by white barked trees covered with rainbow-hued leaves that — ae! a high into the yellow-and-green-spots-plus-striped-raspberry-jam coloured sky. ** Ass,” said the Fox, in a voice of thunder, that sounded like forty million bees singing an oratorio to the accompaniment of a double-barrelled‘ steam- worked church organ, ** what are those Men?” “ Fox,” returned the Ass, in tones that made an Elephant, who was having a chat with a Black-beetie, scamper away in terror, “‘I fancy they must be ) who gain a precarious livelihood by attempting to please the rich.” rsons to whom allusion had thus been made were four in number. One an orange face, the second a blue one, the third a green one, and the last, one of a colour it is impossible to describe, but which reminded the spectator of earthquakes, thunderbolts, and brass nails mixed r into a sort of mineral pea-soup with cough mixture and marmalade. were seemingly fxkanding and compressing their cheeks, with a view to filling some curious looking instruments, miles long, with air. Ass,” said the Fox, “these Men are what our Masters—ha! ha! ha! our Masters /—eall a German Band.” * Fox,” replied the Ass, “and those fools, our Masters—Masters! ho! ha! hum !—think they are only making a noise. We, on the other hand, are able to distinguish in this noise music that Men can never inate!” Laughing in tones that reverberated for millions of miles, the two animals passed away from the country and entered the town. It was now quite dark | to Mankind, but to the Fox and the Ass the light of the reen moon shone as brightly as sepia-brown sun. | They entered a Picture Gallery and stood in front of a | painting by Mr. WuHIsTiER. | ‘* What is it called ?” asked the Fox. _ | “A nocturne in yellow and black,” replied the Ass. **Oh, what magnificent hues!” cried the Fox, in an ecstasy of admiration; “look at that splash of pink liquorice, that daub of shot puce-vermilion tripe, that splatter of tawny-green-gam apple-tart !” * Yes,” retw the Ass, in ecstasy,“‘and our Masters—ha! ha! ha!—our Masters / can see in this revelation no colour at all!” The friendly couple then left the Art Gallery and entered a deserted ing-room. Instinetively (by a sense not possessed by ind) they became acquainted with the contents of a modern novels. Then they took up the magazines and acquiredthem. Neither - them went to a a ae t. pon they — ked e newspapers, pages and pages of cor- respondence upon all oy y 2 most uninteresting sub- jects. Finally they possessed themselves of the com- ments on the political questions of the day. They learned how TwIpDLEDUM was a villain and TWIDDLEDEE was a knave, and that both were fools. : os Ass,” said the Fox, “‘are you satisfied with any- thing ?”’ ** Not with many things,” replied the Ass. with Mankind.” : a ne, Ass, are you satisfied with anything ?’’ persisted the Fox. “ bs Fox, on the whole, I think I am satisfied with myself.’ ‘* And that is a sensation that Mankind—our Masters ! ha—ha—ha!—our Masters! cannot conceive |” But, in spite of what the Fox had said, the Ass had a fellow-feeling for Mankind! “T agree HONOURED IN THE BREACH. Tue Centenary of Brron’s birth, and no Celebration, no Statue, no Ode, no Oration, no anything! ‘‘ Greek meets Greek,” indeed, in honour of the hero of Misso- longhi, but Englishmen seem too busy considering whether Sua xKsPKareE wrote his own plays, to give a spare thought to the author of Childe Harold, which, perhaps they will presently attribute to Sir Humpnry Davy! Happy Byrom, to escape the spasms of the Gashers, the speeches ot the Notoriet -hunters, the libellings of the Image-makers! On such terms one would even be an Immortal Bard. For Immortality would be tolerable, but for its Centenaries ! LORD CHARLES’S FAREWELL. (Janvary 19.) **FaREWELL!” cries CHARLES. ‘* Away! away! In the Government vessel I’ll not ~~ ‘ : I can’t understand, in spite of your tips, The Hamiltonnage of your ships. So belay ! belay! Lord Saxis- BUREE, Farewell, farewell to the Admiraltee ! If you experience doesn’t teach, You "Il lose the sea as you’ve lost your Beach.” “Tar! Tar!” “Tufirre pv’Apprication.”—This sounds like real work. Capital notion this: a theatre,—not where you get seats by application for orders, oh, no,—but where the best classic works are performed by pupils of the Co servatoire before a mixed audience of su bers. e Managers of this Theatre are the leading French Actors, who are also teachers of the histrionic art. With such a “Dramatic College” the English Stage might be given honorary rank asa ession. In England private enter- prise would surely be an excellent substitute for ment subvention which the French possesses.

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or- 7 = ome —-2 ORT | Jawvary 28, 1888.) MASTER HAMLET MINIMUS AND HIS MOTHER, Another Suggestion for Mr. Wilson Barrett, A RE-MOVING TALE. weer te stole your citer Me‘sea fim he I? peas ty snterviowing Banaue, soe as i the other curate, the Rev. ae he replied, bitterly, “N mm i 0 Fairy, my friend, but a Van Demon was it “it who stole my properties. | As Shylock hath it—or very like it, if memory holdeth still its seat in this “ They tak hen they do take the’ ——— “To think, too,” he continued, “that this caitiff, whom for want of a better name I will call Grvexn—for he’s a hot ’un is Grxezn——” ‘Excuse me, W. B.,” I observed, ‘‘ but a most respectable professor of negro minstrelsy Aron that tion. “*T meant not him,” Foy “T mean the Ginger- | 7; haired Gentleman who at my rhs and had the effrontery to > he came on my be ‘s oe called you ‘ the ~_ ” T said. Presing recisely : and he told the serving-men that ‘ the Guv’nor’s orders Ge was right there,” I remarked. “You have kindl e@ was rig remar ou have kin ven me your orders before now, { and I am man 9 6 to — re /s And so were they,’ interru the Man oat were, and did so,” I returned. ‘ sat I have advice for “Th eT st om: * prod : it is,” I went on: ad a piece which turns upon——” asked, disdainfully. “Some theory of k P” h “No, W. B., eid Pe “on no new theory bat on an abstraction. Let ‘ Willanous Wrtzarp’ be the chief of the rob bers; and in Act II. let him come with the van and steal the ies. In Act III. let him meet you playing the ge aral Dean (you will look exeellently wel in a shovel hat, AF. with a May garland,—an ideal Dean), and be so a oveieaey pA eloquence (Smus and ae can coneoct the t he By en our lt You ast fart ned W. B., his fine eye iat fray rl like anything. _é guilty ereahere sitting in front—” Aha! T see it all! he cried, as if suddenly inspired. “ The guilty creature, sitting at that play, Will hie him homewards, and nlent ery, ‘I did the deed, the deed of d shame, I stole thy “ Be “Grvomn” is my name ! The name on me bestowed by thee. ied tig bowed Mowe tihact And all the furniture that once I borrowed I render back again, so thou wilt pardon me.’ ” * Bravo! Encore fk mapiee, enthasiactionliy. He reappeared in front of the window curtain (bebind which he cackle), * Mr. W. Barner has evidently been studying Mr. Ropsr™3nowne’s most recent Jubilee verses.—Ep. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 41 had made an exit on finishing BD, apd Bowed, Not havin great handy {threw him’ bul bowed, an ariat ths minate' no — ne sy one artist at a minute's a =“ oti, ima tf ondared ay beforehand,—as a ** Stay,” cc ake ‘poet interru him at the commencement. Let me tell you, ore I go, where you may seek your goods and oooh? Oh, tell ! te me!” he cried; “and how how lon will it take me to get there?” ne, i» Within the neighbourhood of Oxford Street there is a shop where is written Oo Furniture and Pictures restored.’ Try that. Good day.” So I left. GIVING THE ODDS—BAR ONE. (What it may come to if “Mr, Solicitor” has his way.) Scunz—Intertor he Royal Courts, An A heard. Kies an et oak. Members of — occupying seats once monopolised . First Ji (addressing > ye Advocate). are not quite Pitted yt ew ae things, but Y “it not for Barsolistors to wear Small Advocate A B’leeve but, fact ore ia Ht - the Baralisier, who ees ma Sa nies agesialipaiaatins. First Ji Mr. Jowgs’s Managing Clerk ? ~ alee Ro, yon ae Mr. Buown, Me. J Tieete tan Clerk is engaged in, C Chambers before k, who ho is etling the remuneration of a receiver. vor eee important matter, m’L First Judge. Then, who Small Advocate. 1 am one i ae clerks, m’ Lud. Percit atgocote, Wall, m'Led, onal to assist in the F in, out of the office, the wri mL usualy to ae ——y and such — 5 Lk I’m not that, I have YD, fire si ‘ge, Bias Siday the righ office as an d Second Judge ( te points out passage to his colleague. First Judge (addressing Smali Advocate), I see that you have the right of audience. You can Small Advocate, Thank y m’Lad. As I was saying when your Ludship was kind enoug interrupt me—as I was saying, the other day I was reading a 4 book in master’s chambers——” Second Judge. Can you give the name of qos authority ? Small Advocate, Well,'m’ Lud, to tell you the eee, ! I pipe tapes. I fancy it was Ricwarps or Koperts, or somebod a Chris- tian name for a surname. The book was all a who " Substantial Estates” I think. Yes, I yf it must have been— Roberts on Sub- stantial Estates. Something like that, you know, m’Lnds. First Judge. Could it ae been Williams on Real P. ihe Small Advocate. Why, I do believe, m’Lud, vk + hit’ _— on the right head! Well, m'Lads, 1 read in waste was quite different in Law than in fact. oe I a > client was oniy exercising his just right when he cut down the in song of Sho peeiees. He never wasted it, m’Luds, but sold it at [Argues for an hour or so. a good pri First Todos (of cod of an Lergenent. We — FP apchirt decision on Tuesday week. other matter ? Age Borselister, S ieee an “ilieve, m’ Lords, no other case ready. Fact is, m’Lords—hem— ha—ho. Counsel otherwise engaged. Fact is, he gy on One Barsolister is finishing a Bill of Costs, another seocling instructions about Marriage Settlement, and—hem—ha—ho Securities in a box at the Bank. My own learned leader, Mr. SILVERTONGUE, oi, is at this moment—hem—ha—ho—particu- larly engaged. is, m’Lords, Mr. Sirvertowove, Q.C., is ay gat ctnan’ ‘im possenion Caring the temporary absence of the representative of the Sheriff. First Judge. As there appears to be nothing further on the paper wo must adjour, but 1 sannot help pointing out that the mixing of functions, once kept , causes at times considerable incon nience. (Scene Sona class to on Hagplienramind. OLLENDORFY For THE Grosvenorn.— We hear that a dinner is to be gives by some artistic sympathisers with Sir Courrs Liwpsar in his recent enor Gallery difficulties. The f form of inter- rogatory b 7. ow be a may a, avour with the eet * Je ne sais G rovenor Gn Te heared” sy Yor, en hl Carr.” pas; mais a que

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Jaxuary 28, 1888. ' *(Arpworw) MYRSLEIO.T Gnoosg 1+ ryT yoonuw nove .._ lO i pogs bas ae eT TRAYS j WPAN cath 1s > ‘ is THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAIO. ‘‘On. 1 AM SO PLEASED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE, Me. M‘Gaume! I BAVE HEARD oF You AND YOUR WORKS FOR EVER 80 LONG—tHE Last Tew on Firrezn Years, I am sure!” ‘‘You MIGHT HAVE HEARD OF Me anp my WorRKS For THE LAsr Fiery Years, Mapim!” , ; First ditto. Hang it, Harry, there you are again ! THE NEW “JUNCTION.” Sone agg mony moved yet, =e! Well . . : rT: irst ditto. Never do move till you’re driven to it. ell, we Scene—Signal- Box on the Amalgamated T. and L. U. Lines, at the iret . Ab pars new SL Sephen’s Junctiom. First and Second Pointamen are | We've fot our work oat out here, Now tha your Company i discovered ‘ taking a look round. a : sai A 1 : . , ever—blocks more likely, collisions more difficult to avoid. First Pointsman. What a lot of levers! Second ditto. And more necessary to be avoided. By, Jove, if we Second ditto (stolidly). Ah! j : ~ get colliding now, we shall make a mess of it. Firet ditto. I wish you wouldn’t always say ‘‘ Ah! First ditto. Yes. Let’s see (looking at levers); must keep a Second ditto. Oh! _ : special eye upon that ‘* Local” train ; touch-and-go thing to work First ditto. Hang it all, nor “‘Oh!” neither. I hate a mono- ro safely, expect. Ah! (Sings.) syllabic mumchanee sort of a chum. When the ** Flying Irishman,” is not a flying, —— _ Second ditto, Well, you'll have plenty of polysyllables presently,| Second ditt». Not a-flying, if that’s any comfort. : First ditto. When the ‘‘ Seotech Express,” is not before it ’s time— First ditto. Who'd bea Pointsman? ( Sings.) Second ditto. ’Fore its time, When a Pointsman is engaged in his employment, — First ditto. There'll be lots of casual “ Specials,” which are | Second ditto. ' ; His employment, trying, — First ditto. And attending to his levers and his dials, Second ditto. Which are trying. | Second ditto. — ast: . _ And his dials, First ditto. And the telegraphs go clicking like a chime,—— First ditto, His facilities for innocent enjoyment — Second ditto. Like a chime. Second ditto. s . _. 'Cent enjoyment, First ditto. I'll be bound that ‘‘ Local”’ leads to lots of bother, — First ditto. Are restricted. ’Tis the terriblest of triais—— Second ditto. Lots of bother. Second ditto. ’Blest of trials First ditto, Could we shunt it—which we can’t—it would be First ditto. Our emotions we, of course, must sternly smother-—— fan—— Second ditto. : . Sternly smother, Second ditto. Would be fan. First ditto. When this most important duty 's to be done——- First ditto. Yah! Take one consideration with another,—— Second ditto. . _ Do be done. Second ditto, With another, First ditto. But, take one consideration with an — First ditto, A Pointsman’s life is not a happy one. Second ditto, ee With another, Both. When our complicated duty’s to be done, — First ditto. A Pointsman’s life is not a happy one. To be done, Both. When this very urgent duty’s to be 7. The Pointsman’s life is not a happy one—— ; taint o be done, Happy One , A Pointsman 8 life is not a happy one! First ditto. I thank thee, Suitrvan, for teaching me that song. First ditto. Ah! well adapted, well sustained. I feel a little| Second ditto. Yes; but we mustn't be piping it too often or too better after that burst. Oh! if we could only more often take a|loud. Might rouse suspicion, you know, and if it reaches the ears Gilbertian view of our business! But it’s too serious for that. of the drivers and guards, might make ’em lose faith in you—and Second ditto. Humph ! me—which would never do.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Janvary 28, 1888. THE NEW “JUNCTION.” Frast Porntsmaws (hopefully). ‘YES; WE’RE AMALGAMATED—BUT I MUSI KEEP A SHARP LOOK OUI WHEN THE TRAFF.C BEGINS!” Seconp Pornreman (sfolidiy). ‘‘SO MUST I!!” = 0 ell, to an we » a rk are be irs nd

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ww 3 See ee Ses wees SO

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January 28, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIL. 45 Moe me Poew! leu out of my bor, you're right. Wi at —_ ut ’re Haxty, my , you’re rig When i w eses teaien fas b-ballading must And the time ’s at hand. The he first parliamentary is a, Now that our two Com- ies are comfortably we ought to do good business. a | neast beep 0 thanp tolle-ae alien te Grade “Second ditto. So must I! [Left looking out sharply. A NEW LIGHT. BS ee i to ask a outs. which ay ae en tical life, respecting Mr. Graname, Mr. Burns. YND- san onl all the Socialistic and Communistic leaders whose wa and deeds exercise 80 pernicious an influence on the uneducated. The Entirely New Finale for a Pantomime. question is this— Were they, in their youth, taken regularly to see pen If so, their estimate of the Police Force generally, as exemplified by their and their followers’ treatment of *‘ Bobbies,”’ is distinctly traceable to these early given them by Messrs. Clown and Pantaloon. is no such effective teaching as that by example, and the example set, even in the most brief modern harlequinade, by everybody’s outrageous conduct towards the Police- | o —e is simply couns 6 the oat to reap the whirlwind. Asin anys wy Fee ma justice is always satisfied, and tective, oo he may have failed during four Acts, invariably succeeds in arresting the scoundrel in the fifth, so a Pantomime ms to finish with the triumph of Right and Might, in the person of the ty, ae embod low cunning and outrageous The afl to quae authorit ; ied by te ae = Clown. e influence for omimic teaching might thus convey is incalculable, ae Ei hecter' than than cure: formation of ‘cha- racter is better than reformation. Let us begin at the beginning— with Pantomime, LEGISLATION FOR THE SESSION, Locat Government tstp to the way. Let there be one Bill unest in for putting a sto such processions—ineluding betes Salvationists tram Boot on Sundays with tambourine girls and band band of music (** sie! ye a }—as have not received police permission for one occasion Another Bill is wanted for dealing a with organ-grinders, py tm and all other similar disturbers of Stace & that if a householder or some one acting as his agent, gives any of these nuisances into pers Serer A ence, t with ard «hs for second, and for the — perpe tual emt ae Ragland with the last penalty of the Law in case of their returning with the same deadly purpose in View ; i.¢., the destruction of the peace and quiet of Her Majesty’s subjects.” ane ae A he ha fix certain spots outside a four-mile radius of which the Commissioners weleg ’ -air — paeting may be held, forty-eight i pa ge must receive at least a clear OUR ADVERTISERS. MUSICAL. Ww ag) Mg ++ moon ARE AWAKE. By the Author of “* When the Children are A This thunderingly suo- cessful song which has almost plows: gH its second edition, is now published in fifteen keys :— * Ah! the ing of window-pane, And the ink about like rain, With a Babel fit to turn one’s brain, When the children are awake.” Y= AND CO.’8 NEW SONGS. — CHIMBLEY-SWEEPER. Bunsvz1. T@ LOVED YOU SINCE LAST TUESDAY WEEK. WALLines. Or A SHILLING FARE! Owen Tours, L* ME DINE AGAIN! Lxzammetow Ware. H! TAKE THIS TOOTHACHE BACK. Sorymans. PON THE JASPER STAIRS! This beautifal and thrilling and passionate sung can be sung oven GRE Sen ease se, with the most magnetic effect. The pathetic words of the refrain never failing to touch the hearts of the most humorously inclined drawing-room audience. Pigs THE JASPER STAIRS. Music by Bartorri. Words by Jommson Brake, I passed the A gates, oh! A vision dn nak amd ~ Broke on my traneéd gaze, and so I turned me to a seat. I could not guess what they were at, But someone unawares Removed my chair ; 5 om, lo! T'sat Upon the Jasper stairs + corte ayp LONGFORD'S NEW 5 Ma May be sung by anybody, anywhere, anyhow EWHAVEN RESTI, The Publishers of is admirably touch- ng ses “The Last Omnibus,” have much delight in asto- nishing the Public with another New Song by_the same unrivalled Composer. ig apne REST. By the Com spat fo of ** The Last Ommbus.”’ The merry bell is ringing ¢ for the departure of the vessel, and as the th oldman iter the frepar to make, incom _ with his little grandchild, th ae , he looks anxiously y beyond the ee Se ne his — e troubled sea outside a gloomy stare. NEWHAVEN ne REST. By the Composer of “* The Last Omnibus.” His little has left him now to look at the Engines. The old man, sti with ah gaze, expresses to the steward in dumb show, that he is feeling uncomfortable, ‘The latter cheerily tells him that he had better “ get below,” and, helping him down the cabin-stairs, deposits him on a sofa. Ne REST. “ae yy aye “ The Last Omnibus.” But the old man uffiness beneath, and after much difficulty, is once more i a on to the deck. He is prostrate on a heap of tarpauli vessel’s side, and his little grandchild notices that his face is Ld, When asked to pay his fare, he feebly shakes his head. N Pwaaven REST. But all is now over. the old man, the rays of ye the Composer of ‘‘ The Last Omnibus.” tee salting oon ation t pane os setting sun is somewhat dishevelled a nee, is be fant he the ladder for the shore, being quite off his bend, Re Sa hears a choir of angel voices pre from the Ref nt Room the beautiful refrain— “* To stay below would have been best ; Still, here’s Newhaven! You're at rest!” New, Song, by the GENTLE DUSTMAN’S HEART. Composer of ‘'.4 Maiden Fair.” His costume may your taste surprise, You may not like his cart ; But say, oh! why you A gentle Dustman’s heart ! rae LOVE THAT a A MONTH. the Com r of **T Laughed ae m Published i in A, C, D, E flat, and seven sharps, and sent Host free anywhere for T wopence. Opinions of the Press :—“* Sure to be in a well-managed lunatic asylum.” —The Wapping Jew's Harp.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL January 28, 1888, Mb he) | - a conviction has been borne in w Mr. Punch of late that— whether from the engrossi nature mm girls’ an ference for contemporary and realistic fiction—the aay of Fairy Tale and nursery lore, is fast falling into neglect—if not (as is only too much to be feared) into positive contempt ! The disadvantages to a child in after-life of having been allowed to grow up in complete, or even partial ignorance of so essential a branch of a liberal . education are too obvious to be enumerated, and Mr. Punch is to avert what he cannot but , consider a national calamity. In these days there is but one means of stimulating or reviving a flagging department of knowledge—we make it the subject of compulsory or competitive examination, and so Mr. Punch, reluctant as he is to incur the resentment of his young friends by proposing any addition to their doubtless numerous tasks feels it a duty, nevertheless, to suggest to ppenats that no child should be allowed on any pretext in future to leave the Nursery for School, until it has passed creditably some such examination as is indicated below. It would not be necessary, of course, to require candidates to take up the whole of the works in question, which would perhaps impose too arduous study upon the younger generation. The best plan is to select such portions from each as will give the young students a fair general idea of the style and subject-matter of our 7 oe tae oe parent will think a his child r. Punch hopes that no i ink it necessary to send his children te a “‘ Nursery-Crammer ”’ to pospeged for this examination, and that the use of an abstract, or ‘‘ memoria-technica” will be discouraged as far as ible. It should be added that the candidate is ex to do these papers without any books whatever at his elbow, and that a to elder persons for their assistance should be met with stern and unflinching refusal. The following questions, though searching, will not, Mr. Punch considers, prove too severe for students of any industry and intelligence. (A) Ser Supsects :— ** Jack the Giant-Killer ” ( first two chapters). ** Puss in Boots ” (selected portions). ** Aladdin ” ( from commencement—to the Vanishing of the Magic Palace). * Bluebeard ” (the whole). “* Sindbad the Sailor ” (Second Voyage only). ** Ali Baba” and “‘ The Babes in the Wood ” (selected portions). 1, Mention and criticise the conduct of Morgiana after discovering the Forty Thieves in the Oil-jars. 2. Should you be inclined to call Puss in Boots a strictly trathful animal ? 3. What were the circumstances that led Cassim Baba to the conclusion that Ali had suddenly become rich ? What use did he make of his discovery ? 1 Describe, as fully as you are able :— a) Bluebeard’s Chamber. i) ae —_ = eeeee ener the hehe ar Lam B as found. o \e ec geographical features country at the icp of the Roane. ee red e . 5. At about what time of the year did the Babes in the Wood perish? How do you fix this from internal evidence? Is it stated that — | had eaten any- thing previously which was at all likely to disagree with them boys’ oceupations, or their pre- | anxious to do all in his power | th 6. Sketch concisely the main incidents in the life of laddin, from the time he found the Magic Lamp to the ce of the Palace. 7. State all you know of Cogia Buba, Haroun Alras- chid, Alice, the Mother of Jack and the Beanstalk, the | Marquis of Carabas, Sister Anne, Beauty’s Father, Red | Riding Hood’ s Grandmother. (B) Critica AND GENERAL, 1. What is your opinion of the intelligence of {Giants as a race? OF what substance were they in the habit of making their bread? Would you draw any and what distinction between (a) Giants and Giantesses, (b) Ogres and Ogresses, (c) a Mamma Ogress and her Samet? 2. What is a Roc? What do Rocs feed on? If you were on the edge of steep cliffs surrounding an inacces- sible valley, strewn with diamonds and visited by Roos, —how would ye § in order to obtain some of those diamonds? Give the reply of the Slave of the Lamp to Aladdin’s request that a roc’s egg should be | hung up in his dome. | 3. Mention instances when (a) a Wolf, (6) a Bear (ce) a Cat, (d) a Harp, are ed have spoken and |give the substance of their remarks, when possible, in | each case. | 4, Write down the nameof any hero you can remember |who suffered inconvenience from (a) the imprudence, | (6) the disobedience, of his wife. | 5. How would you act if you were invited to go toa party on the opposite side of the way, and had nothing to go in but a pair of Seven- ed Boots? Com the drawbacks and advantages of going to a State Ball | in glass slippers. 6. State which family you would rather belong to: One in which there was i.) a Wicked Uncle, (ii.) an Envious Sister, (iii.) a Jealous Brother, or (iv.) a Cruel Stepmother? Give your reasons, and illustrate them by examples. How many Wicked Uncles do you remember to ware read of ? Are Wicked Uncles ever sorry, and, if so, when ? 7. Give any instances that occur to you where it is stated that the chief personages of the story ‘‘ all lived happily ever afterwards.” Are there any exceptions to is rule ? (C) Pawtomrue Paper. (Optional, and for those Students only who may decide to ** take up”’ this branch of the subject.) 1. Did the manners, language, and general deport- ment of the various Kings and Queens you have seen in Pantomimes correspond at all with what you had ex them to be from the books ? 2. Mention any fairy tale in which (1) long ballets, (2) allusions to subjects in last year’s papers, (3) jokes about “drinks” and ‘‘ pawn-tickets,” (4) comic duets which you didn’t quite understand, and (5) men dressed up in women’s clothes, occur. Mention (if you can) any Pantomime in which they do not. 3. Were you surprised to hear at Drury Lane that the King who befriended the Marquis of Carabas was origin- ally a Potman? Do you remember this in the original text ? 4, Why do you suppose that the Wicked Brothers in this year’s Pantomime were frightened by snakes, pink lizards, and enormous frogs? Did their own ex- planation that they had‘'the jumps” convey much to your mind? Did this scene make you laugh? 5. Give as clear and intelligible an account as you are able of the story of any one Pantomime you have been to, mentioning where—if at all—it departed from the version you have studied, and whether or not you con- sidered such departures (if any) to be improvements. — 6. Investigate the principal iarities of Pantomime Animals. How do they chiefly differ from other animals? Deseribe the effect of kindness upon a Pantomime Donkey, and account for it. N.B.—Not more than four questions need be attempted in each of the above Papers. Candidates are advised not to leave any question unattempted from a mere inability to answer every part of such question. _At THe VavupEvILLte.—Heart of Hearts offered but little attraction to the public, so Mr. THorwe is trying upon the Fascination of Miss Jay and Mr. Bocwawan. What will be the Manager's next step’ Pas de Fascination ? —

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ime als? pted not lity PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIL. 47 January 28, 1888.) BALLAD OF BATHYBIUS. “ Bathybius, a name given by Professor Huxiey to a gelatinous substance found at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, and at first supposed to be a formless mass of living protoplasm, but now regarded as an inorganic precipitate.”— The Dictionary. ‘ deep,” and ‘the life.””’—Rev. Joseph Cook. L “A Mermarp I,” she said, with modest mien, “In Ocean’s caves I stray.” Hoxizrvs viewed her with a glance serene, And answered, ‘‘ So you say. “Tis an opinion I can hardly are ; Yet, should you court renown, I’ll have you labelled, This side up, with care, And send you off to Town. “ For, if a being does exist at all In Earth, or Air, or Sea, It’s very certain to be natural, Whatever else it be.” “Observe,” she said, ‘‘ my tail with pearls Green eyes, and locks of blue! ”’ 3 ot. he answered, own These objects meet my view. “But yet, without one thousand witnesses,— Pray do not think me rude,— Science and I must doubt if you possess Relative certitude.” She smiled; a subtle influence seemed to flow About him from the sea. “As I’m an F.R.S.,” he mur- mured low, “‘ She’s hypnotising me! “You must remember that I still Te My judgment in suspense, Subjective visions will arin vain——” | Then clouded grew his sense, II, Hvx.etvs in a pallid light awoke On a dim cavern’s floor, And on his ear a murmur moaned and f broke, Like the long Ocean’s roar. It was the voice of his Bathybius, | Oat of the gulf of Time— ‘*1’m not ‘the new Moner,’—you named me I’m just old Chevy Slyme. {thus— “If I submit to being overhauled, I’ll know the reason why ; Salphate of lime I am; that’s what I’m I never told a lie!” [called. His P Our o “ Bathybius, from two Greek words meaning the Chorus of Mermaids. Sulphate of lime he is; that’s what he’s called. He never told a liv! “You need not look for germ‘of ‘e in me, We all know what we are. I’m not organic, and don’t mean to be: You carried it too far! ‘I’m not the thing with which you a fuss No more than I’m a Guelph. Don’t —_ of calling me Bathy- us. Bathybius yourself ! ”’ Chorus of Mermaids. Don’t think of calling him Bathy- us, Bathybius yourself ! ** Bios is _m bathus stands or ’ And low enough I rate Ascribing life to what you ought to know Is just ’ precipita 6.” ¥ i Then ceased the low-voiced mur- mur of the sea, Ceased the Mermaiden’s song, And great Hoxtervs woke, and knew that he For once was in the wrong. But whether he’ll be wise in days to come, Or err another time, ener: - —ilieae better to be um To inorganic slime, Is just the point on which we have a doubt ! Fled from the Mermaid’s chasm, He seems cocksure and very pleased about His old friend, Protoplasm. And yet we cannot share his honest pride. A p morte ad oft miscarries. may be ranked beside friend, Mrs. Harris. A WANT AND NO SUPPLY. (we are speaking e “ long. ° tively select. Mx. Poncu, Sir,—Why should not the old daysof Evans's Supper take such pee ay Rooms be revived? Yes, we know Clubs have increased and multiplied | P ; since the days when Paser GREEN i not too large—Evans’s came to Clubs have turned up. But Evans’s is another matter altogether. afer t the pe eat of a = and the atmosphere of “1 — | lishment are for ¢ is exhausted and ires what it cannot obtain anywhere really hellndvare . 2 2 1 ough thers i a aay to this r. Rule’s, in Maiden Lane ; is, if Rule’s can be an exception. Even here if ; : cod with erush and a rush, the hungriest and thirstiest are not |\)0i'sny of the female sex | sex were admitted, and in spite of there being i leg .””) the company was orderly and Why a eta't seme ent ys no charge for entrance 4 grief when it was enlarged and | mitted the feminine element,—in the classic neigh Garden, let him apply to the Police Authorities to grant the estab- sears say a licence with extension of bourhood of Covent ” voices i | qui t 11°30, and that to no of the bui (the if Se vate boxes oF Evene's, consule Paddy) seclusion must be as : : : admitted. served first, and if you only arrive at 11°30, on a crowded night, you | strict as that of a Monastery. "Twill be like a little Evans's below, find you have become a waiter instead of a customer, and just w re | a Paradise without an Eve of dissolution in it. begi to enjoy the long expected whatever-it-is, the | ® . dae a 12:30 tlle ‘me’s up!” and within a| We present this notion in the rough to London and the Provinces warning strok ou ) . 1 a) Cousin: ‘ormed a stron i quarter of an hour “ out you go,” with « digestion in about as in- FOS 7 sad en seeleal Se Tee victors to Lentnes > with different a state oo wes I # Father's conscience when its owner 1 jo doners, ‘There is much to be urged in its favour : and not much W. urried out of wicked world. +4) | against it. You, Mr. Punch, remembering the jovial round table in Ve mention this exception, if exception it be, as the only one with | 1+ corner, the cheery, sociable, and harmonious evenings, and see- which we are personally acquainted. But Evans’s was something | ;.> thet « considerable and influential class are dissatisfied with doesn’t at dinner-time) part-songs and was lace par power Md my = | potatoes in their jackets, (we were in jackets | Ye then, my merry, merry men!” ourselves when we first tasted these luxuries) a small bones, grilled chicken and a cool tankard of stout. Only the male! The Roost. ‘led | Companion and myself, beg to sign ourselves, *“Cnoven asp Caow” (Liu«irep). a A ppee-soem, it was the place par excellence for | Music Halls, will, we are sure, give us your vote and interest, if we glee-singin (st an hour when it comes in pleasantly enou h, which it | ("0 ? Sny farther in. thie matt i aesin tdi ha Repel 80 Wi ~ Your oid friseds,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Jawcary 28, 1887, THE BUSY B.’S. “The Bancrorts have hit upon a taking title for their reminiseences. It is Mr. and | | Mra. Bancroft On and OF the Stage: written j by Themselves.””—St. James's Gazette, | How doth the little Busy B.’s, Improve each shining hour, By writing reminiscences, With literary power. | Their honey (pat humour, fan, They ’ve stored on memory’s shelves ; | It will be read by everyone, Though writ quite ** by Themselves.” Most people “‘ by themselves” are dull, But when this sees the ligh The volumes will, we’re sure, be fuil o all that yt ag = cal, On | ** Mister and Mrs. Bancroft, And Off the Stage,” —to this SYMBOLICAL. Add “ Written by Themselves.” Justcon| [During a certain annual This title,—what ’s amiss ? | religious ceremony at Pe- “ What's in a name?” « precious lot. a gh, ~ i _ appeared In this name if you please, , ADVICE TO The very thing for them I’ve got, SocraLists ” | sawp Communists. — * Act Call it ** The Busy B.'s.” always on the Square.” Or else *‘ Two B.’s,” or not “‘ Two B.’s: But there, the matter’s small ; | Only, mind, not on Tra- | falgar Square. I’m sure their reminiscences, Will pleasure give to all. ROBERT AT THE CHILDREN’S FANCY BALL. I wowpers if ennybody as has never seen it, ewer got within saya hundred miles or so of ewer imadgining the site of about a thowsand bootiful children, more or less, all bootifally drest in lovely outlandish costooms, all looking the werry picter of appyness, and all dancing to bootifal music, or marching round in state, or a setting in a great cirele on the floor of the great City Palace of Delite, a gazing and a larfing, with that little m that belongs so naterally to little children when they’re all drest in their new clothes, at their old favrite Punch and Judy, and ewen encurridging Mr. Punch in his owdacious behawiour. In my fortnit persition of coarse I’ve seed about everything as is to be seen of a grand or scrumptious charack- ter, but I never has no doubt as the Children’s Fancy Dress Ball at the Manshun House beats the lot in a canter and the rest nowheres. Weather it was the cold fog or not of course I don’t know, but the little darlings soon came a dropping into the refreshment room and a drinking most copiously of le e and consumin the spunge cakes with great wigour. One yung feller, all drest in nice warm white flannel, and with about as pretty a little face as I ever seed, and who I was told had cum all the way from Canterberry, acshally arsked me for a glass of Shampane, but werry properly added, “put some water in it, please, as I don’t want to get tite!” Bless his careful little art, much he knowed about that misterry. With the wallyable assistance the little dears reseeved from their Pars and Mars the kept us all werry well employed ’till supper-time, when of course assended to the upper regions to attend to my more serious dootys. I a peep from the Gallery of the grand march round of the children, which was the gem of the evening, as ushal. I shood have liked to have had it all over agin, but of course I didn’t dare shout tout ancore, or they might have all looked up at me, and how shood I have felt such trying suckemstances ! There was a smart young chap strutting about, werry andsumly drest as King CHARLES THE 2ND, as he told me hisself, and a gent, who must have bin jist a little behind hand in his Natral History, arsked him how he could be a warking about after bis head was cut off? But he was quite ekal to the occasion, and ~ me; that was my Father ; and there he stands,” pinting to a ancient Common Counsilman who was filling up lis lezzure time by drinking | sum champane cup. The Gentlemen of the Press mustard uncommon strong, and | exprest their opinons as to the supper the wi enced Crities that (¢'wes all fect raee, eprahallp the Bore’s Hod xperien ri it was ‘ust rate, ’s ans Be Mum. A natral fi wa ™m oy seen, while another seemed to feel the whole world on his broad shoulders, But they are a ginial set, “= ~— pe Pa an pe Pk ag owdacious of raps the mos ar the most i th hole ings, was the sham Lael Merde gescchiiin: t was t ul got up, and gone through with that degree of sollemni wasn't that was most credditable to all the yung Hacters and their Pars nd Mars, whose sons and dorters I’m told as they all was, tho’ hem ’s misterrys as is not rewealed to W aiters, no, not even to Hed uns. But what spiled the hole effect to me was the sollem thort that we was acshally looking at, and all a clappin our hands at, a burlesk of that amost sacred hinstitushun, a Lord Mare’s Perssession! How the ribbold jester wood have rejoyced, supposing such a irreverent fust class miscreant had intruded hisself into that Agipshun All of lender! I trembled as I red the accounts in the nex day’s papers, ut no; they past it by without no snear. As I’ve bin a studying the French Tung lately, I thort as I’d try my skill upon a yung French Gent, with his waste jest under his arm-pits; so, after he had drunk a glass of Shampane Cup, I says to him quite boldly, ‘‘ Ancore du Shampane Cup, yung Mossoo?” At which he larfed and said, *‘ We, Gassong!” quite nateral. I was a good deal surprized at one of the jewvenile royal n- idges, a King, or a Erl, or summat of that sort, a me for sum of that sossidge meat, and a pinting to a Bore’s Hed! But in coarse even jewvenile Kings or Erls carnt know everythink. I remembers the late Sword Bearer telling me, with a shudder, that wunce upon a time, when he was atending in state upon a Lord Mare who was a going to call on the Prince of Wares at Marlboro Ouse, as they were all a waiting for his Royal Iness in the All, little Prinse Gronce came into the Gallery, and when he saw the Sword Bearer in his grand Fur Cap of State. pinted at him, and said, quite lowd, “Oh, wot a funny Old Man!” The Sword Bearer, like the trew l- man he was, tho much hurt in his feelinx, as he told me he was, took no notice of the hinsult, but forguv him at wunce. Praps you've eard this afore? Well, it bears retelling. I didn’t notice quite so much diffrence as I should n xpected between the style of dancing of the royal and no sonages, and them of zzants, but they suttenly all oy and when the fatal hour midnight struck 12, they seemed no more tired than did the geenial Loxp Mare and his hansum Lady, who had receeved ewerybody, and noticed ewerybody, and wove en feel theirselyes quite at tome, tho they was at the sillebrated City Pallis. RoBeExt. have pus- umble degree, such as shepperdesses and apres theirselves up to the werry TADIUM MEDICUM ; Or, What, if it doesn't Stop, i will come to in the “Times” of 1889, Sra,—I have read attentively now every dav for one year and three months the six columns of controversy at first vindictive, then libellous, then scurrilous, and in these last times beyond all bounds frantic, between the two rival schools of treatment that you have persistently kept publishing for the benefit of your numerous ers. The result of the perusal of this co mdence upon me has been this. I have registered a solemn vow that under no com- plication of diseases to which I might suddenly fall a vietim would I ever again ‘‘ call in” a medical adviser of any profession or school | whatever. No, Sir, [ have determined to leave Dame Nature to do her best or worst with me according as it may please her own sweet will, Anything I feel"would be better than to hand one’s body over | to be juggled with by this screaming crew, who in chorus denouncing | each other as quacks, liars, thieves, mountebanks, and cut-throats, | have fairly and finally:scared out of their arena and, I trust, for ever beyond their reach, . Your obedient but reflective servant, A Sracerrepd Laymay. S1az,—One word more in answer to that just-created peer, Gui- THorre. I * ~" as he ee -_ —_ malice af ht argues, state that if you threw a bot RSS & pneemastes | of ginger. beer you would not ‘‘ detect it.” What I did say was that I would defy + s~ with his eyes blind-folded to taste it. This is the 177th time I have had to correct this seancalous, outrageous, | and scurrilous perversion of truth in the course of the present con- |troversy. Need I say I am sick of it. aa I am your obedient servant, Sizr,—One word to supplement my yesterday’s letter, in which I flatter myself I once more gave it hot \to “‘ J. C. B.” and to all the | other bigoted, orthodox =e who are yelping with him. If I did not fairly flay them and put them |perjured nonsense into pickle after, all I ean say is I don’t what more they can want, Stay, though—I m had to say. It is this. If any one of the A. to have it out with me, let him come SPT caa'te taney and ener to givobain en peat ¢ and I s py and eager to give as good an argument or two as he could wish —with a horsewhip. Yours, &c., GRIMTHORPE. «*, This correspondence must now close.—Ep. New Srarve ror TrarareaR Squane.—That of Justice CHARLES as companion to King CHARLEs. CH NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when : Addressed Envelope, Cove W . To this rile ao atoo w aveomipunied by a Stumpel and resse velope tr, or Wrapper ‘0

Page 95

and then have som- ‘PE.

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON OHARIVARL—Jamwvany 28, 1888

THE, BRACE: The ABSOLUTE PERFECTION SIMPLICITY, STRENGTH, and EASE attained WITHOUT ELASTIC by means of COVERED ., SPIRAL SPRINGS, the special covering protecting the elothing from any of a BRACE. possible injury. The BRACE. By Royal Letters Patent. Mistress Ford.—" Folstef —“ Aye, by

Dh ee; quick!” that can I do. Ses, I wear the PO" B ”

& Beware of the party offering Imitations of ACNIVEN & CAMERON'S PENS. ‘ They come as a boon and a blessing to men, The "Pickwic k, the Owl, and the Waverley Pea.”

Oban Times. ry “THE FLYING ‘J’ PEN,” als Fold Box i “J” pen which will write 1.0 words with ons dip of ink. Sample Boz, with all kinds, by Post, 1s. 1d, PATENTEES: ACNIVEN & CAMERON, 23, Blair St., Ediaburgh. (Z:td. 1770.) Pesxsxens To H.M. Govenxauent Orrices, ALLMAN'S WHISKEY

stl ed 1825

To be had at “Clubs, Hotels, and Restaurants, and in casks of all Wholesale Wine and Merchants throughout the United Kingdom and Colonies. . EXSHAW & CO.S, * FINEST OLD BRANDY. ths. per doz. rw 5 import W. Startetow & Co.

203, Regent Serest, w. CORK DISTILLERIES nee gro Sx ibn eas F MEDAL paar ipa “VERY a fine, fal fall flavor rm “NavEstion Ast ‘fine aa THIS spot Bader a ite re CORK DRK DISTILLERIES COMPANY MORRISON'S ISLAND, CORK, “TAUNUS” THE ROYAL oe a free from Organic matter."’ SUPPLIED AT ALL THE Leading Hotels, Restaurants,

NATURAL SPARKLING The gutpatent Chemists have been ‘appointed Agents. HEAD OFFICE 23, LIME STREET, LONDON, E.C.

URE-QUIC “ E NEW QUININE TONIC “ PICK-UP.” K OF LONDON GREAT COLD CURE. tores Strength. rem ves all trace: of Fatigue, gives a Br a ithy appearance to the ‘eatu: es. ENDID “PICK-UP” FOR MORNINGS FTER A BALL, DINNER, OR CONCERT. URE-QUIC 2. 64. per Bottle OF ALL CHEMISTS.

——— ae org HIGHEST “ AWARD - “al Zain A 0 | \ Anu Bias

J a

TO STOUT PEOPLE. Sunpat Times says:—* Mr. Russell's aim is te rrapicats, to cuns the disease, and that his treat- ment is the true one seems beyond ali doubt. The medieine he prescribes bors dl sowen, BUT BUILDS UP AND TONES THE SYSTE™.” (116 pages) with recipe and notes how to a and money ce cur “ Opusert ( —~ soutien in Srat week post free ?. “h RUSSELL, Wobura House, Store Street, Bedford Square, Leadon, W.C. USED IN THE ROYAL NURSERIES. ~ BEST FOOD FOR INFANTS. In Tins, 1s., 2s., 5s. and 10s. cach.

AND SOLD EVERYWHERE.

THE BRACE bears this Buckle— iv?

rvs owe “Beyond the clouds the sun is shining.” —In pd a stiest house there still is hope if sapolio is * Conti: anee is better than force.” Effort os ud elbow grease were the original means «f house-cleaning ; to-day ‘tis Sapollo. Clean« Paint, Marble, Oil-clothe, Metals, Hath-tubs, Kitchen Urensils, Lavatories. Useful all over the house for all cleaning except laundry.—Sample fu |-size cake) sent post free, on receipt of 344. in ure by Exocn Monoax’s Bos’ Co., 31, snow Hill, TORPID LIVER PO-ITIVELY CURED BY THESE LITILE riLis.

Indigestion, aw Hear'y ~ ay A per fect remedy for Dizzi- new, Nausea, Drowsi- ness, Bad Taste in the Mouth, Ccated Tongue Pain in the Side, and Heapscue. They regu- late the Bowes acd ROSES Well rooted, many shooted, truly named, of matured vigorous growth, and of the best kinds, Bushes, 6s. per dos., 60s. per 100. Standards, lé1. per doz, 05a perl00. Packing and Carriage Free for Cash with Order. These World-famed Roses cannot fall to give the Greatest Satisfaction. DESCRIPTIVE LISTS of above and following L. oe on application :—Fruit Trees, Evergreens, Fo ing Shrubs 6s, doz.), Clematis (12s. to ae. Pr r doz.), Roses in Pots (18s, to 36s. per dow), Her geous and slpine Plants (a good selection. 4s. per 1 oo oe Vines ( to 10s, 64.), Stove and house Piants, Forest hen, Seeds, Bulbs, & SEEDS VEGETABLE, FLOWER, and FAM, of abso lutely unsurpassed quality, at moderate prices ILLUSTRATED LISTS, contvining covious inte- resting and reliable information, Free RICHARD SMITH & CO., WORCESTER.

prevent and Pies. The smallest and ettiest to take Sveae Coateo. Puaccr Veorrassce, do not gr toe or purge, but by their tle nection please all who use them. Established oe Standard Pill of the "Darton Mates. In phials ljd. Sold by all Chemists, of sem By post. SMALL PILL. SMALL DOGZ. SMALL PRICE. lilustrated Pamphies free, British » Depot, #4, Holborn uct, London, E.C. 4 PLEASURE TO USE. over Requires

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efiectual cure without aoe] medionne Bole W hweaie Agents, W. Kowsnvs & Bow, 167, Queen Vietora Bliieet (formerly of G@, &. Paul's Chureh- yerd). Sold by most Chemists. Mrice 44. per bottie.

THE NORMAL DIURETIC APERIENT \y i$ | ve No 0 Mineral VYtl f-

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if IJ a i) Wrueky Wilt ’ x wif a ey PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI —Jawvanr 28, 1888. Printed by William “tues' > mith, of Ne, 8, in Lic | recimet of

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card Sut

in Three separate Volumes,

Now to be had Complete, either JOHN LEECH’S PICTURES | in this Gallery. Price 10s. 6d. each, or in One perfect Volume, Price 28s. inimitable pictures.

“ The genius of Leech has never been seen to greater advantage than MORNING Post. —— “ We doubt whether in the whole range of the literary or pictorial art of the period, the earlier portion of the Victorian reign has been elsewhere so vigorously, so truthfully, as well as so humorously portrayed as in John Leech’s The series has an importance beyond the amusement of the moment—it serves both to commemorate the genius of the artist and the character of the age.” COUNTY GENTLEMAN.

| \ } \ | cam nt) fis Ss ie i vy Hi = nt) | If — uly ijyjiiainadiny ! N° 2430. VOLUME THE NINETY-FOURTH. —e— FEBRUARY 4, ed < te ee et YD Vd Sea SO HM: I ” : Ml) Phi hy eae Play’ - pli = ty Ao its ‘ 7 I Hives SS iy | eee | ales" «NOOR gM er) PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, g AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS.

33Yu¥HL 3018d “SON3d

February | Wir, Punch’s Victorian Era. Part Numbers now ready| Our River. ByG. D. Leslie, R.A. Part 7. Price 4/- 9. Price 2/- (Baapsvurv, Acwew, & Co., 6, 9, 10, Bouverie Street, B.C.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Fesavary 4, 1888 Profecsiy Tilustreted, price 64. ; by post, 84. POWLS, by Harrison Weir, with Illustrations. —See THE ENGLISH ILLUSTRATED MACAZINE For FEBRUARY. The Number contains :— 1. O14 Lady. After Rembrandt. (Prontispiece.) 2. The Mediation of Ralph ee Chaps. XIV. XVI Ry Profesor W Mis 3. The Weasel and bis Family "he Benjemin Beott. With I/lustrations by Bryan Hook 4 “That Girl in Black.” Part IV. (concluded) By L. Molesworth With Illustrations 6. Powis fy Her ison Weir by Ha Wetr 6 Coach’ and Coaching Ways. —“ The Porten, b » Read hy W. Outram Tristram With Lilustrations by Herbert Kailten and Hugh Thomson. 7. Be Caters. By H. D. Trail Ornamental Friezes, Headings, Initial Letters, &c. MACMILLAN & CO., , Mie rnvane 8 MAGAZINE for FEBRUARY. price lv, contains :-— 1. Early Days of Darwinism ; by Pro ‘essor Newton. & Mr. Kingiake’s Invasion of the Crimea; by Colonei Maurice & The Reverberstor ; by Henry James Virgil in English Verse; by J. W. Mackall. Bart LONDON ord. A Wight in the Jungle e's Love; by Edmund Knox. Charis; by W. EB. Norris. Chapters VII.—IX. MACMILLAN @& ©O., LONDON. BLACKWOOD'S MACAZINE. No. 668.——FEBRUARY 1888.——2s. 64. Cont sews. Beroas Mromontr, Siler Daceussn esec8 OB BORNE. JOYCE. Chaps. XXXVIIL—EXL. MRS. OLIPHANT ON VENICE. A PLEA FOR LANDLORDS. PRINCESS YIELA: AN AFRICAN EPISODE. CMSaR BORGIA.—III HI6§ CAPTIVITY, FLIGHT, AND DEATH By M. Cmantes Vassere TRISH APFAIRS AS THEY NOW STAND. An» lawn Lipeece KINGLAKE’S CRIMEA.” SHAKESPEARE OR BACON? By 618 Taropoas Maarm, K.OB WORK FOR WILLING HANDS: A PRACTICAL PLAN FOR SIATE- AIDED EMIGRATION AUTUMN IDYLL Scene—Tas Panu, Hawanpew THE BALANCE OF POWER IN EUROPE.— ITS NAVAL ASPECT WILLIAM BLACKWOOD axp 6ONS, Edinburgh and London By MR “INVASION OF THE AN Now ready Sixpence), New Series, No. 66, THE CORNHILL MAGAZINE na FER. comtaining, among other articles of interest, “Uuele Joe,” Chaps. I. and Il.—** The Burman at Home’—‘'Notes by a Naturalist: « Storm in the Marshes "—*' Poachers and Poaching” “ A Life's Morning,” by the Author of “ Demos,” “ ‘Lhyrza,” &c., Chaps. IIL and IV., &e., &e, Longon , 16, Waterioo Place. TRE MA MATRIMONIAL HERALO AND GAZETTE is the original and tata recognised aye 4 for High-Class Introductions The largest ond most successful Matrimonial Agency in the World. Price 34.; in envelope, 444 — ress Editor, 40, Lamb's Conduit + treet, Londo Sarre, Eupsa & Ce QLD VINTAGE PORTS. 1861, 1863, 1865, 1868, 1870, 1872, &c. GUARANTEED 8S. JOHNSON & SONS, WATH-ON-DEARNF, YORKS. Est. A.D 1790 REUMWE Os CLOVER VAN PURE SOLUBLE is admirabie. HOUTEN’S is THE BEST, and really THE CHEAPEST IN THE END. The BRITISH MEDICAL JOURNAL says :—‘ Vin Hovrer’s Cocoa’ In flavour it is perfect, and it is so pure, well prepared and rich,” £0. COCOA)! ‘SWEET ‘SCENTS. LIGN-ALOE. 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REQUIRE NO BUTTONS. The Only Brace having 2 Attachments. SUSPEND Conxecten anv Disc TEE TROUSERS AT THE SIDES. ONNECTED INSTANTLY. [MPORTANT.—Be sure and ask for the IMPROVED TOHPACA BRACES (wirn Firxiete Scores’. These Sides, WITHOUT CLIPS, are supplied to Tailors for sewicg into the Trousers. OF ALL HOSIERS AND OUTFITTERS. Wholesale CAUTION. — None JOHN HAMILTON £0CO., genuine without 7, Philp Lane, London, EC. sbove Trade Mark, vot 2/6 ‘rene Twe Great Cano ous ron 3, 4 on 5 Pravens Complete in Box with Copyright Rules. Supersedes Whist, Loo and Nap. “Plenty of play and « deal of amusement."—Gilobe Of ali Dealers in Fancy | Goods throughout the World or of Herbert Fitch & Co., 30, Bery St. London, B.C. BEST « SAFEST De NTLERICE SOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS AND PERFUMERS, IN ELECANT CRYSTAL TOILET CASKET price 2/6. ALSO IN PATENT ‘ WETALLIC BOX price ]/- 2 STREETERS UUWMTLED ham 18 NEV; BOND sz DiAnonns £5 4£ £5000 RODRICUES’ + OCRAM: ma, ¢ CREST AND ADDRESS sey = As and Artistic Derlons sem 297E, PATER AND, ETE ves Gold, sliver, Bronse, snd Gan” All the New and Fashionable Not, Pape, Henarpic Enonavivo, Patwrine, & lites VISITING CARD 'PLaTe “™ Elegantly Engraved, and wo >. rt printed fi for 4s. 64 eran Ca RODRIGUES, 42, Piccadilly, cadilly, ¥ OXFORD.-MITRE HOTE HOTEL ONE OF THE MOST ECONOMICy: FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE KINSbg CHOICE VEGETABLES THE YEAR Rous BY SEALED WARRANT 232)HICH HOLBORN LOND lates or For HOTELS, MANSION, DINNER and ER and INVALD it | SbaRE, BOWITETE, 2, bC2, Us, RATHBONE PLACE, ¥ MAPPIN & WEBB ) TABLE KNIVES. EVERY REQUISIT: FOR THE STABLE and HARNESS 20 TO BE SEEN AT MASTINOALE's. 194, Plooadilly (Prince's ewer W. BEDFORD HARROWS. GUEST’S OSs | T ENAMELS All Colours. For Haths, Domestic, and At rations. Resist oiland boiling water, and dry ® minutes. In ls, 2s., and 4s. Tins. >old by + mongers, Oilmen’ and Chemists every where. List and all particulars from London W' 73, ST. JOHN STREET. §.' ROWLANDS ODONTO revents ~ =I erfumers. Buy 2e only genuine. Whitens the Teeth, and ts. 94. Of Chemists and except Rowland’s—the

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a 8s i Oy haaty F Tote a" arm, ertine (any adilly, ¥, al HOTEL NOMICAlL B KING ro 4 arrests Buy 20 genuine. Fesrvasy 4, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 49 —— THE LETTER-BAG OF TOBY M.P. From Mr. Sp-xeEr. Sandy, Beds. Saturday. tr Orper, Order! I suppose as we are now on the eve of the Ses- sion, and you will have other affairs to occupy your time and attention, the Letter- Bag will shortly be closed. But before you pull the string, allow me to drop in a brief note. The Speaker of the House of Commons is, after all, haman— or, as H-nc-rr might say if he filled the Chair, in some respects human. In deference to this weak- ness, I feel a peculiar pleasure in addressing you among all the 670 Members of the House. If they were all like you, dear Tony, what a Paradise would reign within our four walls! Never since Barkshire did itself honour by returning you, have I once had occasion to suspend you. (Excuse me; but I suppose, if in the troublous times ahead of us such a misfortune came to pass, I should have to seize you by the tail?) Never once have you moved the adjournment of the House, delivered a prosy speech, ques- tioned the decision of the Chair, or behaved otherwise than as a model Member of Parliament. I wish there were more like you. But there are not, and we must take things as we find them. They have been pretty lively since I first sat in the Chair, and from all portents they are likely to be still more so in the ion that opens next week. I observe that Mr, P-zy-11 has been advising his Young Men to avoid obstruction and adopt mannerly ways. That is all very well for Mr. P-nwn-11, who has pleasantly a recess far from political strife. But I can well understand some of compatriots asking whether, because Mr. P-zn-L1 has not been in prison, there no more cakes ale? W-11-m 0’Br-w fresh from his plank bed, T. D, 8-11-v-» just freed from gentler restrictions, and Mr. P-wx tired of hanging like M-n-m-1’s coffin between heaven and earth, are likely to take another view of the situation. In and out of the Chair these fifteen years, I very well what it is for a Leader of a Party to discountenance obstruction, and what effect it has upon the course of business. Sir Sr-rr-zp N-kgTHC-TE, that did not prevent GranpotrH and his merry men stopping all progress. GL-pst-NE is equally shocked at the adoption of any means of obstruction less subtle than the occupation of two hours in saying what might well have been uttered in twenty minutes. But, agers from Irish Members, the Sage of Queen Anne’s Gate and some other Members who sit in that part of the House, are certainly not to be accused of docility in following their titular leader. _ B-L¥-2 is the only man who has a practical scheme on hand for combating obstruction, Of course if one by one the most truculent of the Irish Members are cast into prison, the available forces of obstruction in the House of Commons must be diminished. Sir B-yie R-cue had not this particular illustration in his mind when he made his famous declaration. But the application holds equally good. B-1¥-z has done his best, the only sign of maladroitness about his ping in the somewhat indiscreet haste with which it was inaugurated. If Irish Members are sent to spend their Christmas Day in prison, sentences of two months’ confinement, it is clear that their appearance in the House of | ned long after commencement of the It is not for me even to hint at counsel in so delicate a matter. I am not responsible for the Chief Secretary’s action, and am called upon neith«r to approve it nor to disapprove it. But, viewed in connection with the question of when he led the Conservative Party, was honestly opposed to obstruction. But) obstruction, there” is evidently a chronological errorat | the basis of Mr. B-iv-r’s i But he is young |and ardent, and experience may bring its lessons. I daresay you will be glad to hear that I approach the | new Session in renewed health and I need hardly add | with indomitable spirit. I am glad to be able to add | that Sm-rH, who looked in the other day, is also read |for his work. He has just returned from Pau, whic | he was a little surprised to find is, after all, not a river. | Otherwise his mind preserves its cus' serenity. He | tells b = on ye eas a w there was | smooth water in the iterranean, ~~ -> a new pounce, which he believes will prove effective in pre- serving the discipline of the House and supporting the dignity of the Chair. He wanted to take his coat off and show me how it was done, but I decided to defer the pleasure. I would rather share in the surprise which awaits the House. On the whole I am glad that Sm-rn’s removal to another place has been deferred. Of course if he had gone B-Lr-k would have come along, and that in some particulars is not a pleasant prospect. It is avery small matter, and to you who sit on the other side of the House with the view partially obscured by the Table, it will be hardly comniiiendiie. but the fact is I could not face without disturbance the prospect of having B-L¥-n’s legs in close proximity throughout a long sitting. It is bad enough when it is part of his game of aggre vation to absent himself from the House as much as sible, more particularly at the hour when Irish Mem- rs want to put questions. If he were Leader of the House he must perforce be in his place for somethin like six parts of a ten-hours’ sitting, and I am afraid could not stand it. It is impossible to convey to you a full sense of the mental torture suffered after many hours’ strained attention to debate by the recurrent in- trusion of apprehension of what B-tr-nx will next do with his legs. Whether he will ever succeed in his life- long attempt to kick Git-pst-ne under the table, is a familiar question I shrink from recalling in these days of recess, Even now I tremble when i think of the possible apparition in the course of debate of the feet of the Leader of the House on the Table. It is not fair that the already overburdened President of an assemb! like the House of Commons should be freighted wit petty cares of this kind, and I hope that Sm-rx will stop where he is. I envy brother H-mpp-y the tadvantage of having had D-zzy so long the Leader of the House whilst he sat in the Chair. Long before I had any notion that the matter would have a personal interest for me, I have from the Front Opposition Bench watched D-zzy in his place—the folded arms, the crossed legs, with the coat- tails brought forward placidly covering the knees, the downcast head, the half-closed eyes. 7'here was a soothing assistant to the Spzaxer in the discharge of his irritating 'duties. The effigy of a Crusader supine on a tombstone does not come more nearly to the beau idéal of a Leader of the House as seen from the Speaker’s Chair, than did | D-se-tr. Gr-Np-LPH when was Leader, in his which he, too, had often | comical way recalled this pi it all, even to the onety i ith himeelf, |seen. He occasionally di |arrangement of the coat-tails, wrestling with \often ineffectually, to prevent his hands going up to |curl his moustache. As for G1-pst-wez he was most embarrassing. One had always to be on the look out for his sudden incursion, SM-TH was an improvement in despite of his tendency to pounce. But B-ty- would be worse than an appreciable addition to the Irish representation. , A | I mention these things, as o poshabiy in reviewing the difficulties of the enon a Speaker, they never |oceurred to you. hen you come to sit inthe Chair— |a@ position that may perhaps hereafter be forced upon you —you will understand all. he Clerk will now proceed to read the Orders of the | Day, so no more at present from Yours faithfully, Antu-z P-t, One for the Force. Boppy too open to the furtive ‘‘ tip”’ ? How can the world malign in such a manner ? Although self-offered to the Peeler’s grip, ’Tis plain a ‘‘ Copper” will not take a ‘‘ Tanwer,’’ VOL. XCIV, F

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$$.

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (Feonvany 4, 1888, |

THE JAPANESE SCHOOL AT THE ROYAL “ Japanese years Japan will become the acknowledged centre and leader of the Fine Arts.”— Extract from BA \\\\\ W \\ <\\ 3 \ \\ \ \\ » Pg LXAYWRON n~~ ACADEMY. Art .... is the only living Art in the world .... In comparatively few Japanese Lecture on Japanese Art. Vide “ Times,” Jan. 25.

FEELINGS AND FOOTLIGHTS. Mr. Arcus has, in the current number of Longman’ s, despatched a second batch of arrows at the actor’s art, and has certainly scored. His article has covered a great deal of ground. That Mr. Wrrson Bazzertt playing Hamlet shivering with the thermometer 14° below zero should have assumed a comfortable temperature from strong emotion as scon as he got on to the stage, and Mr. Crayton after representing Hugh Trevor has been so exhausted that he has lain down on the floor of his dressing-room, and ‘‘ feeling as though he had oon Gouge fon, y Le his dresser, nee near me for | an hour,” are ainly » entertaining even appallin facts. So indeed are some of the numerous anecdotes about tears laughter, terror and blushes and other stage experiences, that he has managed to collect by his eatechetical method. Still there is more to come, and he has promised a third and concluding article. This should deal among other matters with the “emotions of Pantomime,” 8 singularly interesting subject at this season of the year, and h we will not vouch for the perfect accuracy of every word, the sub- joined brief extract may be taken as a fair sample of the way in which the whole matter will be handled. Strictly observing my usual method of catechising, I have, asa preliminary step, addressed to several noted Clowns and Pan- taloons the following questions :— k In scenes of commotion in real life, whether you are a parti- cipant in them (e.g., in a regular Police row yourself), or a casual on-looker (¢.g., in a street riot, in which legs of mutton, loaves of bread, strings of sausages, bundles of turnips, babies, and

a ent il < -_-

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{Fake F3 &

Fesnvany 4, 1888.]} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. K1

First Excursionist, *‘ Int’ aestrn’ Ruins THESE, Sie.” Second Ditto (the Bread-winner), ‘'’Mv8-ks, ground.) ‘‘Tuem’s RcIN ENOUGH FOR ME!” "Don’T CARE FoR RvuINS M'SELF THOUGH.”

FAMILY CARES. (Pointing to his Olive Branches in the back-

men’s helmets are flying on all sides in the air), do you consciously note effects for subsequent use upon the stage? Have you ever tried the effects of a red-hot poker on personal friends in your own drawing-room, and so automatically seqetering on your memory a phase of real life oageeene, been enabled to turn it to subsequent professional account The answers to the above questions are very various. Some Clowns deny that they have Sed exveriense of the red-hot poker in their own houses, but in making butter-slides, filling their pockets with perambulators, stray bonnets, and turkeys, they have, ‘as casual lookers-on,” like Miss Isapet Bateman, “noted effects of real commotion, and stored them up for possible use.” A distinguished Clown at one of the London theatres who, with Mr. Liowet Broven, holds that “‘ All scenes in real life are im- — on the mind of the real actor, and that, if occasion requires, will try to reproduce them,” writes to say that he has so thoroughly realised the necessity of this that he has often got up a pelt in the New Cat, tripped up old gentlemen coming down the steps of West-End Clubs, put the page-boy in his own kitchen oven, and tried to jump through the front of a hairdresser’s shop. He has thus a his “* emotions” directly from real life, and when he trans- them into action on the stage at night he does it with a force and realism ay | fairly “~T° i ee He pores, for instance, spares Pantaloon, but when either to trip him up, collar him with a ladder, or knock him hodees & antennal and effectively that in the present Pantomime in which he is now playing, though it is only in its fifth week since Christmas, the Soom tch semmamnioa tee -<f chan an bit we Glee ec en fresh representati ve of w are laid up inj in a local hospital, while the other two have obtained summonses against a greet potat in the repsenssietion of a sere fight te, basting point in representation of a y hurling a Duadle of real turnips right into the face of the leader of the th such good effect as to i off

kind, and almost equal in degree, to the vivid pugilistic passion he was representing. — In a similar strain also writes a celebrated Pantaloon. Having once travelled on the Me itan Line ina -class carriage with a third-class ticket, having been detected and consequently shouted at by a little vulgar newspaper boy, he affirms that when- ever, in the course of a scene, the Clown falsely accuses him of having committed some delinquency in the well-known stock phrase, **T saw yer do it,” he is so absolutely awestruck, and his dering gait becomes so tragic, that he fairly down the house. It may be interesting to note, in conclusion, that a well-known Harlequin, on being questioned to account in some degree for the utterly unintelligible eccentricity of his movements, and the generally pointless though sportive frivolity of his character as delineated in action, admits that, like Mr. Gronex Conquest, “‘he has on many occasions gone to Lunatic lums effects for use on the = ¢ The article will ome See upon the effect on an actor of playing toan empty house, or with uncongenial surroundings, the catechetical inquiry some such shape as the following :— A distinguished Actor informs me that on playing Othello in the paprenens, where his yoy: — penegemaae a shares” a £15, on going on stage only e ce in the pit and five orders in the dress Scie be has felt “yo in his throat that has nearly prevented his articulation. He also the Roderigo on Cp quan S ene was drunk, and so quently alluded to “* Two lack Eyes” in the course of his part, that he was ultimately on for a Ap which he gave, being eventually removed from the stage by the e, the , and the Prompter. Do you consider that such itions would be calculated to stifle a tendency to a morbidly emotional rendering of the character, and would you conceive yourself justified in washing your hands of Spo petemnnanes, 8 after having it out with the Manager, leaving the then and there without waiting to smother Desdemona ?

Razsies 1x Ricumonp Panx!—O Deer!

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[Fesrvany 4, 1888. CHARLES WYNDHAM DISCOVERS RUSSIA. The Gallant on is here seen taking his little Davy and his treasure 0 an Ingot up the Neva to St. Petersburgh. CHEAP (?) LAW. A Propaste View or A Possiste Future. Scenzr— Chief Office of Messrs. Brows, Jones axp Roprnson, of Gray's Inn and The Temple, Barsolistors-at-Law. Enter Client, who attempts to attract attention of one of several Clerks. Client (addressing a Clerk). Oh, please, I have come about a Chancery matter. Clerk (looking up from a law-book), Better speak to some one else. I know nothing of the earlier stages of an action. (Pointing to another.) That gentleman, perhaps, can attend to you. Here, Mr. Cuucxtaw, Chancery Department, Client. I have come about—— Mr. Chucklaw (sharply). All right, Sir; you had better see Mr. Jonzs. Client. But I prefer to see Mr. Brown. The fact is, I have an introduction ; and—— Mr. Chucklaw. Just as you like; but my advice is, see Mr. Jowzs. Client. You are very good ; but I would prefer to see—— Mr. Chucklaw (sharply). A)l right, Sir, just as you please. (Turning to another Clerk.) 1s Mr. Brown in? Other Clerk. Think he has just come back from Court during the adjournment for lunch. ond (decisively). Then you will be so good as to give him my card. [ Scene ahonges to Room of Mr. Brown, wherein that eminent Counsel is discovered in his robes devouring sandwiches, Mr. Brown (hurriedly). Yes? Sent. Oh, if you please, I have come about a rather complicated matter. Mr. Brown. Yes? Please give me the papers. Client (confused). Papers? What oeaet Mr. Brown. I suppose you want my opinion. Well, if you will ive me the case I will cast my eye over a let you know what think of it after the adjournment of the Court. hove rather a heavy matter on just now before Mr. Justice Sourn be arguing before his Lordship until half-past four o’clock. Chent. But this is the first time I have been here. I have gota letter to you. [ Gives it. Mr. Brown (after a hurried perusal). Ah, I see. But you must go to Mr. Jowzs. Client. But I would prefer to talk the matter over with you. Mr. Brown. My dear Sir, it would be of no sort of use at present. I know absolutely nothing of the earlier of an action. N doubt it will get to me in time, when I shall have the pos- sible pleasure in discussing the matter with you. But that time will be when it is necessary to carry the matter into Court. Good-bye. Glad hurried! ; es e to have seen you. Exit Client. Dear me! I thought that now the two profession are merged into one, all of them would be able to help me. , nown’s Room, and wanders about the passages until stopped by a door. He opens it, and enters a second ° [Leaves Mr. room, Gentleman at Work at a Table. Well, Sir, what is it? Client. Oh, if you please, I want to talk over a matter of business. The fact is, I am a Trustee, and I am not quite sure—— Gentleman at Work at a Table (cutting him short). Oh, 1 know nothing about that sort of thing. My department is to prepare Bills | of Costs Client. Well, Sir, can I see one of the Firm ? Gentleman at Work at a Table. I am one of the Firm. My name’s Rozrnson. You want my partner—Mr. Jones. : Client (angrily). No, I don’t, Sir. I particularly do not want Mr. 0 NES. Gentleman at Work at a Table (good-naturedly). Well, I’m afraid no one else will be able to understand you. At any rate, I can’t, s -bye. Returns to his Bills of Costs, [Client returns to Clerks’ Office, and is ultimately shown into Mr. Jones. Client, I think it right to tell 7% Sir, that as I hear you are fond of fox-hunting (to which I have conscientious objections) I should have preferred seeing one or other of your partners. - Mr. Jones. Quite so. But never mind; tell me what it’s all about. [ Client tells him, (Interval of Two Years.) Client (looking at his Bill of Costs). Why the amount is just as heavy as it would have been in the old days, if not heavier! The fusion of the two branches of the Legal Profession doesn’t seem to have made law any cheaper 7 [ Scene closes in upon the Client's sorrowful reflections A BENEVOLENT ADULTERATOR. Joszern Jueerns, twenty years ago, a spanking fortune made, Not by bulling, or by bearing, or by mining speculation ;— No; he drove a highly spirited, remunerative trade _ In provisions, gently tempered by astute adulteration. When his gains had mounted up to such a very handsome sum That it took a dozen clerks a week to find out what he owed, It befel him that his conscience, which had theretofore been numb, Roused itself to do its duty as an active moral goad. Its suggestions were not pleasant—nay, indeed, were the reverse— At his very heart’s core, night and day, incessantly they gnawed, Pointing out with painful frequency that, probably, a curse Would attend upon emoluments derived from wholesale fraud. **T have done a deal too well, I fear,” repentant Juacetns said, ‘* With my oleo-margarine, retailed as Dorset of the best, With my tins of slimy odds-and-ends, my homicidal bread, And my sauces which from inexpensive drugs obtained their zest. “*T have made vast sums of money by those profitable teas, Which acquire peculiar fragrance from the foliage of the sloe ; By my honey, manufactured independently of bees ; By my eighteenpenny ‘‘ sparkling,” and my ninepenny Bordeaux, ‘*T must make fall reparation, and with all convenient speed, To the much-offended sources of my evil-gotten wealth. Let me do some highly creditable philanthropic deed, Do it, too, exceeding promptly, and, if possible, by stealth! ‘* Shall I found an Institution for the permanent relief Of my deeply-injured clients of the lower middle-class, a Who, in pocket or in health, have come to swift and hideous grief, By consuming food and drink which J supplied to them, alas ? *?*Twould be sure to be mismanaged !—Happy thought ! ”’—and here a smile Played about the lips of Jucains. ‘‘’Tis quite obvious how I may Make the needful restitution to the victims of my guile, In a far more thoroughgoing, yet less ostentatious way.” Straight he opened all his principal emporia once more, And placarded his resolve to recommence the daily sale Of the edibles and potables in which he ’d dealt before ; But at prices unrecorded in the annals of retail. At elevenpence a bottle, strange and wild as it may seem, He supplied East India Sherry, Comet Hock, and ‘‘ Twenty” Port} He adulterated milk with thirty-three per cent. of cream, And retailed it to his clients at a halfpenny the quart. Orange Pekoe and Young Hyson, sweetly flavoured and perfumed, Could be bought at his establishments for one-and-four the pound, And his fine old fragrant Mochas were extensively consumed At the prise which Juecrns paid to have the berries burnt and ground. All the articles provided by this much-repentant wight : Were superlative in quality, and yet so wondrous cheap, _ (night, That his shops were thronged with customers from morning uD While his business competitors had ample cause to weep.

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Fa EG] *] him, ab, red, aux. | BF cB BS 1] Ser eien teed G te. Ste clear led in his lomos and wan often heard 2a, itself, When the brand of black remorse was quite effaced from Jucenrys’ brow, And the balance at his bankers wore the semblance of an O, All the ruined London tradesmen met, and registered a vow To be bitterly avenged upon the author of their woe. In their wrath they turned and rent him—badly, I regret to say— Irretrievably, indeed, as far as Juaciws was concerned ; For his fragments were and in triumph borne awa To Ge foot of Nelson’s Column, where, next morning, they were But the le, g JUGGINS as a man of antique mould, rigs credt ys ugly and an honour tran the 0 a pyramid of go "With the the following inseription, deep foe graven on its "base :— “) a This commemorates the deeds Of a singular’ Who expended all his aba Biiieiee te elon kaa neighbours’ needs, And reversed commercial alnsintes to eaary out bis plen. ‘‘ Human jealousy removed him prematurely from this earth To a region w such sacrifice as his Soeed should find ; And a sorrow-stricken mane +N thus oe gous ls tribute to the worth Of J, Jueeuys, the mankind!” A WATERY GRIEVANCE. Mar. Powcu, Sr, oi = is the last Bsery | that povatee the poor Comets back, 80 it is the arrogant, if impertinent demand imperious Water Company that condescends to supply me with the small quantity of water that I require for purposes, that breaks down my powers of silent endurance. Not content with charging me annually nearly as much for river- water as I pay my my Wine Merchant for my liberal supply of fine Old Port, the informs me that he purposes g for the Christmas account on the 2nd of January ; or if I prefer sending it before that Sue he will be at home to receive it for one hour on two days of the What himself At the expected to explain to me. why 1 ~y i natin eet exp me why I am c 80 much, and this is w In the first place I am referred Ay 160, section 3538, which of course. \ net Being ¢ understand. Anticipating, babl ony. tte ifficulty, the matter is cleared up by the all the services they so kindly suor t's ta eeanie if more than 160 feet above Trini high-water mark, are one cent. per annum Now here I find a twof ty. I do not know how high | j Trinity high-water mark is, ~~ I did, I have nothing wherewith to measure 160 feet. I consulted my milkman, g he would probably know all about it, but he was really quite angry at my my to that effect, and professed utter ignorance on the ect. A boating-man of my acquaintance tells me that he should think that the Trinity House, on Tower Hi C— about twenty feet above the river at high-water, but I uite see how that important information helps yo He tells me, if happen to know one of the Old Brethren of that Ancient House, he could perhaps assist me; but I don’t, so I su I must yield the point. 1 am next told that ler every high dy na Ny he ge ae = 1 must pay extra, and for every fixed Bath ae pepe. have been measuring, the assistance of a i e —_ r my Psy dwelling—and a find to Joy thet byw uring risky operation—and my jo unding my Bath and using it, when required in my b A { drawing-room, elude these two abominable ges. But oad comes such an awful combination of outrageous swindles in the form of definitions of the meaning of the familiar word peek, | as I should think was never before attempted, even by a Water Com apany. that supply not include supplies for purposes, which is quite unnecessary ve none in the house. But I also learn that it does not i —— warming purposes, or/for baths, or for washing my or Ly: Hy ering my little omnes, twenty feet b 4 f . of ll, for floshin a en Sa hoeld it eaue ei’ il horse, o som to pay pg te cadre and I am forbidden to use a for any of the above most purposes. I must -engines or — information for include Fusavary 4, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 53 a i th rf aati of ie ell nl ty pn Rr SE Sew i ipa to continent TOI Degey Moucerns tells me that when the grand old ma as he tye calls it, pom tee SG fatewens « a few Tew oars ago to eX. Gis Compan "anh eed Cmpasin a th : ol who were members oe in the Tea- iF & example REENHORN, TENNYSON IN SHOREDITCH. So all day long the noise of imene, Se brows the brawlers of the Beefs relied Un fingers man their Chairman’ ’s _ Had enapped thet ‘helt The Vicar. pen — pry rete aoe cheer, (Inflicted those rows, A band of papas Ce A yap, im to a fri A broken handle with a Galen ae - That stood in the yard beneath the Vestry Hall: On one side stood the Vicar, Those coarse-tongued benginve—-end the their tongues were coarse | Then spake the Chairman to the ers: ** The shindy of to-da = all setae The apish antics of a Bumble crew The worst this town csutaincth. hy "Straight it leads [And the sooner the better ! To a Reformed Municipality.” ‘*May BE TO-DAY READ O'ER Iw Pavt’s.”—Mr. Punch, as a con- tented Parishioner and Citizen of London, herewith th to congra - tulate the Dean and Cha of St. Paul’s on t! ificent Reredos recently erected in the of London. Li Mr. Eccles in Caste, it ‘‘ has ite faults ;” but, taking a broad view of the work as a who of that great artist, Time, use of A True Brett ’Un. Te Master of the Rolls, in the the other Firework Case on a : week, was more brillient than all | conduct of a Policeman Mr. Brock’s show. He quite bite cweneee Y A % tothe dangers besetting coruscated. And the laughter! |a passage between Scylla He must be known as the ‘‘ Master | Chary liest | of the Revels,” or ‘‘The Master | well of the Roars - of - Laughter. ” Wi necessary not | not use any of it, apparently, for warming my nocturnal whiskey, or Impromptus too! apparently no|and no doubt he will effectively tion. But there’s concealed | follow up this lead. Mean- art in these jocosities. What sort | time the Lam ; Police might of art? Brerr Art, of course. | look up their ére.

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——. (Fesrcany 4, 1888, | PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. — ANNALS OF A QUIET NEIGHBOURHOOD. The Professor. “‘A—as—I nops uy LecTuURg’s NOT BEEN TOO LONG, Mr. CaarnMan?” Chairman of Committee. '‘Na, wa, Sin, Os THE conTRARY, I THINK YOU HAD A most PAtienr AvpIENcE!” | “ ADVANCE, AUSTRALIA!” Mr. Punch's Greeting to ‘‘ Our Boys’’ on the of the Centenary of New South 1888, Occasion Wales, January, 26, Apvance Australia! Yes, my boys, And this sems something ke advanciaog ! In this great day all England joys; It sets our slowest pulees dancing. The echoes of your ringing cheers, From Sydney Cove the wide sea over, Sound welcome on our elder ears, Far as the old white walls of Dover. Winter ’s with us, and summer shine Graces your Austral January ; Bat warm hearts greet across the brine, Your Centenary. A hundred years! At Time’s old-pace The merest day’s march, little changing ; But now the measvre’s new, the race Fares even faster, forward ranging. What cycle of Cathay e’er saw Your Century’s wondrous transformation? From wandering waifs to wards of Law! From nomads to a mighty nation ! Belated dreamers moan and wail ; What scenes for croskers of that kidney, Since first the Sirius furled her sail Where now is Sydney! A bundred years! Let Fancy fly— She has a flight that nothing hinders, Not e’en reaction’s raven cry— Back to the days of MatrHew FLINDERs ; Stout slip of Anglo-Saxon stock Who gave the new-found land its nomen. Faith, memory-fired, may proudly mock At dismal doubt, at owtigh omen. Five sister-colonies spread now then the wandering black-fellow Alone enjoyed day’s golden glow ight’s moonlight mellow. Adelaide, Sydney, Brisbane, Perth, And merry Melbourne! There’s a cluster Of towns that you may challenge earth In swifter braver show to muster. Out of that hundred scarce a year [ment, But saw some new quick- yr settle- To prove to moody thralls of fear hat youthand Anglo-Saxon mettle meant. And now ycur century to its close Rounds amidst joy and jubilation, And faith in your fair future flows Through all the nation. ** The Island-Continent! Hooray! Punch drinks your health in honest liquor On this your great Centennial dav, Whose advent makes his blood flow quicker. We know what you can do, dear boys, In City-founding—and in Cricket. A fig for flattery !—it cloys ; Frank truth, true friendship,—that’s the Land of rare climate, stalwart men, And pretty girls, and queer mammalia, All England cries, through Punch’s pen, ** Advance, Australia ! “ Wiscuester Rereaters”’ (nothing to do with the School of Gunnery).—The junior Wykehamites. | ROWS ALL ROUND. Ir seems rather a Sign of the Times—at any rate, of the Standard—that the three | leaders in the latter excellent journal on the 27th of January were all concerned with squab- bles. Leader No, 1 was devoted to the quarrel between Lord Cuarites BeresrorD and his fficial superiors; Leader No. 2 to the shindy between Sir Eowarp Watkin and Mr. Wi- t1aM Apsotr; and Leader No, 3 to the controversy between Sir Courrs-Liypsay and | those angry recalcitrants, Messrs. ComyYns| Carr, Hatif£, and Burne-Jones. Now, if | Administrative ¢fliciency and economy cannot | be secured, Commercial claims cannot be | adjusted, and the much-vaunted “dignity of Art” cannot be vindicated without all this public prosecution of personal quarrels, how are we to expect “‘ peace in our times” ’ These petty Iliads of ill-temper, originating commonly in the peppery “‘ wrath” of some very minor Achilles, are more wearisome than the most long-winded of papase-qaee, and ought to be sternly discouraged. Thersites, with an epos all to himself, would hardly be a greater nuisance than the Petty Squabbler who should monopolise our Morning Paper. Vox et Prewterea Nihil. (A Tip to our Tall-talkers.) Yes, we can talk across the World to-day ; Yet gabble wired around the globe ts gabble. What boots great Babel’s spread, if what we say Is blatant babble ¢

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RER Loro Geanpotrn, “HA!—TIS WELL!—I AM OBSERVED !!” ro Li LEL = LLLP LSE OA = — a =—3 W HK 7 I mM | Gog : COA NS = re Ml! 1 7 SS fyi dhe / Wey Me PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Fesrvary 4, 1888. eS ee = ———> SS al SS ee + THE RETURN OF

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Fesruary 4, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 57 THE HEIGHT OF MASHERDOM. “Writ, Ta-TA Otp Man! My Pror_e ARE WAITING UP FOR ME, You KNow!” ‘*Way, pon’T you cARRY a Latca-key!” “Carry A Laron-Kger! Nori! A Latcn-Kry ’D sPoIL ANY FauLer’s FIGURE!” MR. PUNCH’S EXAMINATION PAPERS FOR YOUNC PEOPLE. A Patuetic Protest rrom MAsrer PAssMORE. Mr. Ponca prints the following characteristic letter without comment :— Dear Puncu,—I’ve allways rather liked you up to now, becaus I thought Pp stack up for boys, but I do call it tou beestly mean of you to go and set that humbugin paper you did on Fary tales ! How do you expect a fellow to do a desent paper in things he hasn’t looked at sinse he was a kid? And giving it in hollidays too. My guv. said he’d like to see what of a paper I made of it, and so the consequens was I had to stay ina hole morning, and swot at those footling questions of yours! And all I got for it was that when the Guy. read my ansers, he said there were too things struk him forsibly—my injinuity and my ignoranse, which was a nice remark for a fell : pon & say! I ot beleive I did uo cory bad either, ering I wasn’t given any time for prep., e Guy. was in the Libry all the time, and I couldn’t get a chance to crib, for there’s nothing low in cribbing in Pass Exams., youknow. ButI’ll tell you some of the things I put, and you'll see. You said Mention and Critisize the conduc of Morjianna after” —something or other. I didn’t mention it, becaus I couldn’t remember that part, so I = critisized. I said: ‘* The condue of Morjianna, tho not praps all that could be desired, was such that unless she had acted diferently, could not have been otherwise.” Yousee the tip is always oa as if you knew all about it, and then they may think you and mark ‘ou,—praps—I did the same for the next one, which I call Puss in Boots a strictly truthful annimle ?” ed me at for I’d forgotten who Puss in Boots t been to the Pantimime then—but I maneged to fox at last. I put: “‘ When we considder the sircum- - times she — in and = — me. barberous now, we must come to the conclusion o r being as truthful as the run of cats of that age, and praps this, ¢ cals epee now, which t have tet met ny thatch z le next was—‘' How did Cassim Barber discover Ally had become rich ?” I shotted that, and stuck down: “ By the swagger he put on.’ ** What use did he make of his discovery?” I said: ‘‘ Sucked up to him and asked him to dinner.” Becaus, whether that was the right yor he Fi it’s what most chaps would do, so I may have done at Tig’ Then yen said, “describe fully: Bluebeard's Chamber.” I know I did ¢ right, I put it was full of haredies and machines and things. How I knew was a long time ago, when I was a lower boy I went to the Gayaty where it was done. I muffed “the halls and terrace where the Wonderful Lamp was,” I said there was nothing much to see there 1 oil-jars—which was wrong. For “ the fizzical fical features of the country at the top of the Benestork,”’ I corked down ‘‘ clouds,””—and chanced it. In the B paper I did much better. To the question “if I con- |" | sidered Giants an intelligent race,” I used my Commin Sence, as a Y, form master we have, always tells us to when in doubt. I put: anes to , we natully expect their is quite common to hear people tork consider they are.” “ Giants posesing big corispond, and so we find, Sor it of an ‘ Intelectial Giant.’ So I The next was easy: ‘‘ What is a Roc? tt do Roes feed on ?” I wrote : ‘“* All rather big stones are termed Rocs, or (as itis more coreckly spelt) Rocks. Rocks live on the ground, and the Proverbian tells us, t %, gather moss, but they do not eat it—tt sometimes eats into them. he rest of the question was such orful rot, I left it alone. About the wicked Uncles I put—and I don’t see now where I was wrong | = The end of a Wicked Uncle'is he ushally dies, he is sometimes sorry, when he reppents.” I ’t try the one about the seven-lege boots, because I thought there was a catch in it somewhere. Another was: ‘‘ Write down any hero who has sufered inconvenance from (a) the imprudense, (5) the disabedience, of his wife.” I thought I'd better write something to that—just to say 1 ’d tried. said : ** The disabedience or imprudense of a wife is always inconvenant to a hero, leding as it does to rows, which are disagribble to live with.” _ You see I didn’t exackly anser the question, becaus I didn’t know it, but I think anyone but my Gav. would have alowed me som marks. I told him I’d done quite as well as I genes St in other Exams and he larfed a nasty larf, and said he quite bleeved me, but | deserved plucking all the same. He SAA everything I wrote into fun, and told me a few ours quite studdy of Fary Tales would do me a warld of good. Sol thought [{’d write and you not to try to be fanny that way again, becaus it’s grind enuff to have to go in for exams., on usful subjies, without being bothered craming up boshy nursry storys | I remain, Your disapointed Friend, Marcus Cocksnort Passmore. P.S.—I tell you one thing, I’ll take joly good care I see Punch before the Guy. does next week. But I forgot—I shall be back at Skool then! M. C. P. LAMENT OF THE LATTER-DAY APE. Ah, now to organs tied, Or prisoned in the Zoo, Where vulgar crowds deride What sorrows we go through ! Beseechingly we crave é For nuts, and sweets, and string, Who did not so behave When Sotomon was King! Yet in those ages old, When apes might honour win, Man never had been told were his kin ; You know it now, and yet You bid the Ape go swing— summers we regret When Sotomon was King ! RESPECTED once were we, At least our fathers were, Brought home from over-sea In Sotomon’s galére, Ah, those were merry days! As monkeys may not sing, We chatter of their praise— When Sotomon was King! Apes clang amid the sails, With gold about their necks, Below, with gleaming tails, Slim peacocks walked the decks ; But now their plumes sublime, Men say, misfortune bring. ’T was not so in the time When Soromon was King! Tuerrt or Taape-Manxs.—What is the difference, in point of roguery, between removing your neighbour’s land-mark, and appropriating his trade-mark ? What brand does that manufactarer deserve who purloins another’s? Brand for brand? In mediwval and merry England, the brand would have been i ted on the offender with an iron instrument at a temperature tolerable ; but modern civilisation bits that contrabrand pro- ceeding. Would there be any cruelty, however, in the Merchandise Marks Act if it a coun of marks liable to be pain- lessly but ignominiously branded with the Broad R. ?

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—— PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Feervary 4, 1888 |

act and handed him over to the Crashers, ISMAIL OUT OF EGYPT. “In right and reason,” sez the Times agi “*T was an undischarged bankrupt.” 1 guided, philosophered and friented. by and gui Epear Wane and Margiorr!!! What alarks! But the Judge-Advocate-General is a pal, if yer like—— Sings :— He’s all right when you know him, though he wos so down on Joz, Bat, bless yer, they have made that little tiff up long ago, Lord Soxtty finds—as J do—he’s a pal as one can trust. He’s all right when you know him, but | youve got to know him fust. He’s seed a deal of change, he has, he wos | a Lib: one time, Well, he’s a Liberal now—to me. One| Handred Thousand! Prime! He’d never round upon a pal, for me he’s C Agee yo three palaces! B | ash, public lands, three ! By| Allah, he’s a brick! (Spoken.) I tell yer, you don’t half know what the man can do, What does the| Times say agin? ‘* His people still groans under a load of taxation his scandalous pecenity and avarice of gain accumu- ated. . . He has been the source of most of the misfortunes of pt.” Ha! ha! That ’s Me! ! !—** And the friends of Eaypt have to thank him for letting himsel coaxed into taking an indemnity from its penury of a couple of millions.” Ho! ho! Thanks! And who was the “‘ Coaxer”? Why, Marriorr to be sure,— Sings :— He coaxed that there two millions from young ** Toothpick ””—ain’t he green /— And ** Toothpick” why he’ ll ** coax ” it out of the * poor fellaheen.” [can trust! Oh, Marrtorr is a rorty pal, a pal as = He’s all right when you know him, but you ’ve got to know him fust! Pur. \ Marriott sings :— ySpGtike. Off te Constantinnple with his little lot | of swa “All’s well that ends well,” says the Times; | it’s werry pooty gag. ‘ Newest Version, arranged asa Duet As Sung by those clever Mammoth Cumiques, ee hort et ert Mr. Marriott and a Pasha. He’s safe for corn and fleshpots, and it’s all Mr. Marriott sings :— ( Spoken.) Bless me! That ’s more than Tors Ismatt isa y as yer don’t meet every day; those sqaeezable poor fools, the fellaheen, He’s liberal and y, free and easy in hisway. _ will do, I fancy. But what o’ that? ‘By You’d hardly call him scrupulous, but in this bloomin’ East, the dexterity, rank, and influence of the Of all things parties care about they care for that the least. counsel thus paradoxically employed, satis- (Spoken.) Yer know conscience ain’t everythink—or else 7 might not have a look in, or so | factory results have been | obtained at & my enemies say. You know what the aphoristic cove says about Conscience being like a | ™inimum of inconvenience.” Times ei thorn in a cushion—only another term for discomfort. J like an easy seat to my couch, | Quite so, Highly satisfactory—to me. it so does every sensible chap with an eye to—shall we say ee pte | ? Ah! (to audience) iM er nove Foun Sneaee oad ‘ . r . e you don't know Ismart, neither did I till now. But he’s right enoug undertake the professional enforcement of Sings :— enormous y < demands against a Sove- He's all right when you know him, though the fellaheen he vext ; reign under that Government’s special ~ You don’t expect a Pasha too particular. Wot next? tection, control, and tutelage.” . Bat He wouldn’t hurt a beetle; he’s a pal as you can trust ; - then “ All’s well as ends well,” don’tcher He’s all right when you know him, but you’ve got to know him fust. know! j Judge-Advocate’s a lovely blend, my Ismart begs to state, Both sing :— And if he had his way, he’d be both Judge and Advocate. When a party has expensive tastes, and is I sez, “* chuck in Jury,” but he answers “that’s all bosh,” an ex-Khedive, And in like many other things—won’t never wash. He must have lots of cash and land, else (Spoken by Ismail Pasha.) I'll lay a Palace on the Bosphorus to—Tewrix’s brain, that how ’s he going to live ? there ain't a better Judge nor Advocate in England nor what he is. He can shift it, can't| y,, Ismail isacute’un } 1% 9 pal he? See what he’s done for me! As the Zimes says, I’d piled up my claims to five * ( Marrrort is a backer millions sterling, exclusive of maintenance charges. In course that was all bluff. 1’d as you ean trust. , about as mach claim on the ians I’d so successfully spiled asa pickpocket would have for | He’s all right when you know him, but compensation for disturbance from the old bloke he’d robbed, and who had collared him in the you’ve got to know him fust!

Atrn—“‘ He's ALL Rigat wasn you Ksow His.”

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now the | oans lous mu- st of ha! zypt be its r”? rom 1 P— out ou ut pal Fesrvary 4, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIL. 59 > ii min a) Vit \ ee 7%) Aa TN! \e"y i " Chapel). choir! . miscudl «+ SOME OF THE ADVANTAGES OF MIXED UNIVERSITY EDUCATION. _“ The result of having a considerable number of young women resident at Cambridge, with no other occupation than reading for an ordinary degree, might be very serious.”—* Objectivn to ‘ Proposed admission of Women to Degrees,’’’ quoted by Miss Emily Davies, in her Letter to the Times, Jan. 2%. Proresson Puxcn’s ANSWER 18 GIVEN PICTORIALLY ABOVE, AND INDICATES THAT THe Youra LADY UNDERGRADUATISSES WOULD FISD PLENTY OF “OTHER OCCUPATION” BESIDES, OR IN THE COURSE OF, READING FOR AN OrpINaRY DecReg, Z Punch’s greetings! The world should see A PLEA FOR THE PEOPLE'S POFT. That needless sorrow come not to thee, | pm for many and many a year | Broken yet cheery at Seventy-three. songs that gladden the people’s ear. “AG . “1 ‘ ; Let all who have heard, under many a tky, ‘ rf ed Coming,” and" Cheer, Boys, The manly music he lifted high, Cheer ! ? P af Thank-cffering render to Cuarnies Mackar! oet and patriot, champion still ar : , , ’ j A Fund is being raised for the literary Of simple manhood and honest skill, veteran, Dr. Cuanies Mackay—known wherever Of pure Home-love, and of frank good-will : the English tongue is spoken or English songs are Friend of Jennoxp, and foe of wrong ; i , »& ; reduced circumstances, and broken in health, but Very Voice of the toiling throng, bright, cheery, and industrious as ever. Its needs and yearnings, in tonching song : | Subscriptions will be received by the following sung, who is now in his seventy-third year, in| Bankers :—The Bank of Scotland, Lothbury, E.C. Messrs. Rowants, Lunnocx & Co., bard Street, E.C.; Messrs. Dnummonp, Charing Cross, W.C.; or by the Honorary Secretary, L. C. ALzx- anpen, LL.D , Putney, SW. Neb Rabyee ftenes oe ptm mm to growers, on ir - mittee, has decided on forming an Association ‘*to resuscitate and encourage the cultivation ‘and manufacture of tobacco” in the United | Kingdom. Evidently they calculate upon the | strength of their “‘ returns.” tia a =, = = 5

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Fesrvary 4, 1888, a OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Tue Whirligig of Time is bringing about its revenges in this “ called nineteenth century,” oe te dusty papers of the Record ae Offices at home and abroad, and the —— Manuscript treasures, both of ancient houses and of private collections, are freely placed in the hands of lynx- eyed experts, who, in the enthusiasm nei? ploadi baskets of the past—not pe mens but to reveal truth ible. One of the results of this laborious process comes of the first volume of Gasqugt's —? the Eighth and the English Monasteries, which stating only hard facts, and dealing straightforwardly with the con records, justifies beyond question the opinion now y, but surely, gaining ground, that some of the heroes of h, such as Cavm- WELL and his creatures, Lean, Layrow, Ap Rice, and Lonpon, were unmitigated scoundrels, that their Royal Master was every way worthy of them, and that the ae assumed by the Reformation in England was made possible by Worsey, of whose character Suaxs- PREARE, by the mouths of Queen Katueniye and of faithful Garrrrrn, formed so just, and yet so charitable an estimate. That there was some basis for the modern popular notion expressed in the first verse of a once well-known song, set to a catching tune, recounting how “ Many have told Of the Monks of old, What a jovial set they were,” is certain, as this first volume proves. Bat “‘ of the many who told,” very few were worthy of credit, and their stories, even then, were only of ‘‘ ‘some’ Monks of old,” not all, jast as Collegiate bodies, Guilds, and even Metropolitan Boards, may me lax and corrupt, and their conduct necessitate a commission of inquiry with a view to correction of abuses. And at such a period how conspicuously stands out the incorruptible honesty of the honest men! How virtuous it was at such a time to be virtuous! How difficult to be constant to a principle! How easy to savea head by giving way just enough to avoid the block! When a stroke of ym might ward off a stroke of the axe, the alternative between “‘ Is Life worth living,” or Death worth _— , was not one which ordinary men could choose without considerable sacrifice one way or the other. Gasquer’s Henry the Eighth is to be completed in two volumes, and wiil be a valuable work for historical reference. By the way, the publications of the Reoord Office and modern research into these old letters and papers,—and ‘‘ there are lots more where those come from,”—show that our old friend, Conserr, whose work has been shelved for some time, was pretty accu- rate in his history, and had warrant for the strength of his con- victions and the force of his expressions. There was an ‘attempt some little time ago—whose it was I forget—to whitewash Ricmarp Tae Ture, but it was only theoretical, and did not deal with facts such as are afforded by the litera scripta of the Record Office, and in reading the life of Lady Jawz Dormer, transcribed from the ancient MS. notes of Henry Ciirrorp in Lord Dormer’s possession, I find that the Tudor Queen, whom we have all been taught to regard as ** Bloody Many,” was, in the opinion of her Lady-in- Waiting and intimate companion, a charming Princess, and everything that was kind and considerate as comp with her haughty and violent sister, Ecizanern, whose conduct asa girl seems to have scandalous. What will the Private History of our own “* Victorian Era” be when a century or two hence the cinder-sifters have taken the records in hand! However, it will not matter to us of the pune day, at all events, who won’t be there to contradict or applaud the verdict whatever it may be. And now to lighter themes. Having read Manton’s, I should say Marzio’s Crucifiz, and recorded my delight in no stinted terms of praise, I determined to read Manion Caavrorp'’s Paul Patoff. It has lain on my table for three weeks, and I have been perpesusity saying to sit down to its rusal. Something has invariably prevented me. Once, having to eave town, I took away a volume with me, which on settling myself comfortably in an arm-chair, I discovered was the third volume. When I returned I made a spare hour, and took up Vol. I. Scarcely had I cut its pages than a visitor was ushered in to see me on important business. The next day I searched where for it: in vain. All three volumes had di * Where, ” said I, addressing the Baroness, “‘is my Paul Patoff—three volumes, blue cover?’’ She explained that, thinking I had finished it, she had lent it toafriend. It was in three days: again and again I tried to snatch a few moments just to make a Serianing ; but no, fate was against me until one morning I exclaimed brilliantly, “If I defer it any longer I shall call it Paul Putoff,” and seizing the first | volume I commenced reading, and as far as I have gone! am charmed by the style, and thoroughly interested‘in the aay. ** Please look at this,” said the Bar who is a novel- to me, at the same time handing me a by Row Lanp Grey. entitled, By Virtue of His Office, in which she had marked certain passages. In one of them there is d praise bestowed by one of the characters on The Children’s Cry, which appeared in one of Mr. Punch’s numbers. But Miss Elizabeth Verity, the heroine of the novel (which the Baroness informed me interested her, she is not sure if I should care so much for it) blushingly takes ty herself the credit of having written The Children’s Cry. Sorry to contradict a lady whose name is ‘ Verity,” but I fancy Mr. Punch will tell us that it wasn’t written by a feminine hand, and has since been republished in a collection of poems by the same author. Is it not so? Connie, the minor heroine, observes that she “‘ only reads Punch and The World.” A well-disciplined mind, evidently. But in spite of these attractions, I must return to Paul Patoff, or I shall lose the thread of the narrative. So no more, until I’ve done with these Russian Blue-books, from Yours studiously, Baron De Boox Worms, A BIT OF GRAPHIC. (Of the Regulation Pattern.) Tae woodland ways, lately so golden-glorious in their radiant array, are now sorrowful in their solemn silence. The poly- chromatic Oread-haunted obscurities of October, the neutral-tinted nymph-trodden nebulosities of November have given place to the damy desolation and dreary drippingness of December, dismally a ge into what is ironically called the Opening Year! Chill rain-pools lie in steely stillness in rust-hued argillaceous ruts. Here the broad slowly-circling wheel of the rustic wain has weightily wound its deep-indenting way. Sparse and sodden spear- lets of consumptive-looking grass droop limply along the reeking sidewalk. Nature, indeed, seems stricken as with phthisis. Like an almost pulseless poitrinaire, she lies limply on her tear-stained couch, dying, dying, dying! A belated bluebottle, buzzing blindly athwart a leafless forest vista, blunders incontinently into a broken rain-gemmed spider's web. The emaciated Arachne of the is all too weak and woesome to spring with the old obese ogreishness upon its prismatic prey. But the purblind, cold, palsied lump of azure iridescence, erst the swift and sonorous offal-hunter of ardent August, gives up the ghost nevertheless, too weak to whir a wing, too weary to unwind one clinging manacle of mucilaginou amer. What is that lying at the gnarled serpentining root of yonder inky- barked elm? A frowsy fungus, the foul- ing “‘agaric of holt?” No! It is something of equal unsayouriness, of parallel unpicturesqueness, yet of infinitely greater human interest. It is the rusty remnant of a tramp’s abandoned highlow. A discarded shoe, no more! Yet how it teems with suggestion! Heel has it none, of sole scarcely a scrap, its frayed ‘‘ uppers” hint not even distantly of Day anp Martin, its gaping ankle-pieces ungainly gape _ uncomely curl and brutally bulge. But it once held a human oot ! ** You may break you may batter the boot as you will, But the trace of ‘the human’ will cling to it still,’’ as a less meretricious and more genuinely graphic Moore might have sung—had he been man enough. It is the only suggestion of “‘ poor humanity” within sight, this damp and disintegrated highlow. But how it redeems mere Nature from negation and nullity! That is because ‘‘ the low sad music of humanity’ breathes through its gaping soul—I should say sole—and age-worn eyes—that is to say, eyelet-holes. It transmutes the languid lyric of Niobe-like Nature at once intoa stirring epic of soul-flushed Life! The Roman was right :— ‘* Homo sum: humani nihil a me alienum puto.” —not even a human highlow! It speaks of rty, it whispers of the wars of Class, it hints not indistinetly of the Unemployed | It bears a warning to the autocratic Warren, and the truculent truncheon-bearers of Trafalgar Square ! here in the lonely slush- sodden heart of the leafless wintry woods, there wells up from the chill, but oracular lips of unpleasantly damp and draggled, but ever sublime and sympathetic Nature, a message to a oe housed, but always despotically-dis Man,—proud man, in a little brief (Tory) authority, which soon the indignant voice of a too-patient, but omnipotent proletariat, shall hurl—— [No thank you! This is “‘ hooking it to some useful end,” with a vengeance. The article was evidently intended for a penny paper. A “blend” of graphic gush badly imitated from poor JErrERiss, Ed perthen spite of the regulation political pattern, will not suit Mr. Punch.—Ep.] tH NOTICE.Rejected Communications er Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in ne case be returned, not even when accompanied ty Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To there will be no exception. this rule

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mr Baking mov. Powder ATE @

) ORT

Goddard's Plate Powder NEAVE’S FOO FOR INFANTS, INVALIDS, AND THE AGED, BEST AND CHEAPEST.

A LAXATIVE, REFRESHING FRUIT LOZENCE, VERY AGREEABLE TO TAKE. TAMAR FOR CONSTIPATION, Hemorrhoids, Bile, Loss of Appetite INDIEN Gastric and Intestin troubles, Headache arising from them, GRILLON. E. GRILLON, 69, Queen Street, City, London. SOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS AND DRUGGISTS, 2s. 6d, A BOX.

[LFRACOMBE, Devonshire, as a desirable WIN TER RESORT, occupies = are for mild, equable, and dry climate (See Royal eteorol —- Societ ‘s Record.) Mean Tempera- ture for an., Fed.,4°1; Mean Kange for ditto, 80? Lowest recorded Temperature for ditto, 90 (once only). At Nice, South of France, for same period, 29°3. Indigestion, Constipation. DAHL’S xarcnit'itneny. DYSPEPSIA Mominent Medica! Men CAKES. Or tt Curxists. Sample Box, 2s. 6d., Post Free. DAHL’S AGENCY, 41, EASTCHEAP, LONDON.

MAPPIN & WEBB’S ELECTRO PLATE,

ENEDICTIN’ S ELIXIR DENTIFRICE. Delightful to use. Prevente Desay of the eeth. Purifies the Breath. Leaves the mouth in a state of delicious fs and durable freshness. Gold Medals Paris, Brussels, London, &c. World Famed Preparations of the Reverend lac (Gironde). Piixir —w~{" 2s. ,49.6d., and 8.; Tooth Powder, le 6d., 2¢,, and Se. 6d. ; Tooth Paste, Is. = » and Ss, whey ALL PexPumens On Wholesale only: 51, FRITH ST., HOPING cou GH —ROCHE'S HERBAL EMBROCATION. efiectual cure without meternal p. TR mn - nts, W. Eowanvs & Bon Curm LUNDON, w

a MERCURIAL. The BEST and SAFEST & for CLEANING SILVER, ELECTRO- . FIVE GOLD MEDALS awarded. * every where,in Boxes, ls. , 2s. 64., and 4s. 6d.

KA 2AZOR- STROPPING MACHINE

Get a bottie to-day of PEKRY DAVi8' PAIN KILLER. the Oldest, Best, and most widely-known Family Medicine in the W orld. It instantly Relieves and es Severe Bcaids, burns, Sprains, Bruises, Toothache, Headache, Pains in the side, Joints, and Limbs. and ail Neura gic and Kheumatic Pains. Any Chemis tean } supply | it at y Vite and : 29 ) per bottle. ' Reta boitie

§. SAINSBURY’S “Sor. 5988" LAVENDER excuieu Lavenber, WATER, 176 and 177, STRAND. At the Railway Bookstalls and generally through- out the country Prices, ls. to 6s. ; Post bree, 34. extra, LADIES INCLINED TO THINNESS, with its attendant discomforts, are invited to send addressed envelope for a PAMPHLET, containing interesting and instructive advice on the Development of the Figure by natura! means, to Madame STEPHAN, 39, NEW CAVENDISH STREET, LONDON, W. Prepared with the 6

2 may whistle, but they ha’e an ill mouth for it.""—Do nut use common soap for scouring or house-cleaning. it is not suited to it, use sapolio, which is especially intended for such purposes. “A hand-saw is a cood thing, but not to shave with.” Common washirg soaps are not intended for house-cieaning. Use fapolio. Cleans Paint, Marbie, Gil-cloths, Metals, Hath-tubs, Kitchen Utensils, Lavatorice. Use fal all over the house for all cleaning except laundry. — Sample (fall-sise cake) sent post free, on ok, of 344, Ta erg by twocn Monoan's Sone’ Co., 31, Snow Hill Df. PACET, Surgeon Dentist, 445, STRAND (Facing Charing Cross Station). Da. PAGET'S Painless method of FIXING TEETH without PLATES or PALATES, &c., explained in the Lilustrated Pamphlet, sent post free LEA & PERRINS’ SAUCE. In consngesnse of Imitations of LEA & PER NS BAUCE, which are calculated to deceive the Public, Las & Peanins beg to drawattention to the fact that each bottle of the Original and Genuine WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE Coos * Bold Wholesale by the Proprietors, Worcester, Caossx & Biackwett, London; and Export Ollmen general! Retail t by y Des alers in Sauces throughout the World

Gold Medal, ee Paris, 1878. JOSEPH GILLOTT'S STEEL PENS

SIR MORELL MACKENZIE writes :— Sy op Ee PH IN & considera’ and them as ex- teomely valuable ia Pvoetinate calathal The small amount of iron — y contain renders them very useful in “7 of throat consumption, and they do ¢: nearly ali cases of relaxation of the Sacces mem brane. “The soden Mineral Pastilies offer a most con venient method of using the Waters, producing both a local and general effect. They are especially bene ficial in catarrhal diseases of the air pesages. I frequently found them of great service in case of singers and — ic speakers. Mossi, Macasnziz, M.D., London.” SODEN MINERAL PASTILLES. COUGHS, BRONCHITIS, ASTHMA, COUGHS, BRONCHITIS, ASTHMA, couGHS, BRONCHITIS, ASTHMA, COUGHS, BRONCHITIS, ASTHMA. EVER has a Medicine s0 soon become the mort ular Household remedy. The. highest ieal authorities recommend and prese:ibe the BODEN MINERAL PASTILLES as most efficacious for Affections and Diseases of the Throat, Chest, Lungs, and Consumption O SECRET PREPARATION, no so-called Patent Medicine, which often contain dru — an tes injurious to the constitution The SODEN MINERAL PASTILLES, a pure produce of nature gained from the world-renowned Meui cinal Springs of Bath Soden, are prepared under #rictest control of the Royal sanitary Counsellor and celebrated Physician, Dr. Btoeltzing. Insist upon your Chemist procuring for you the nuine article; see each box has Dr. W, Btoeits <'s signature and our Trade Mark (Two Globes, Cross, and Crescent) ; take no other. Price ls. ip¢., or for 16 stamps, of Soden Mineral Produce Com pany, 10, Dyer's Buildings, Holborn, Londen, B.«

GENUINE TORTOISE STOVES at reduced prices, for HALLS, ROOMS, CHURCHES, &e. From 12s. to £8 cach. Bold by Ironmongers. Made by C. PORTWAY & SON, HALSTEAD, RABEX ; EYDES & WIOFULL, Shefield. __ MADE WITH BOILING WATER, srr ss CRATEFUL—COMFORTING, COCOA MADE WITH BOILING MILK.

coLT’s DOUBLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER, 48 supplied to H.M. War Department. COLTS SINGLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER, as sdopted by tue United States Government. 8 “FRONTIER” PISTOL takes the Colt and inchester Magazine Mifle Cartridge, 4 COLT’s REVOLVER, POCKET REVOLVER, and D tor the Vest pocket; beat qualit . Coit’s Levelvers are used all over the |, tor lndiaand tine Colon rice List free, COLT" "e VIRBARMS Co., M4, Pall Mall, London 5. W.

F. HEERINGS ENHACEN 50LD MEDAL CHERRY BRANDY TABL. 1818

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Fepavary 4, 1888.

33395 sSBeCeSeSEe CAUTION! fa MEMBERS OF CO-OPERATIVE STORES AND OTHER BUYERS.

a> > Purchasers should ask for LIEBIC COMPANY'S EXTRACT and see that the Label bears the Signature in Blue Ink, thus: PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY.

: RY-DWLEADD Sseses

SOBGECE Ss p= = E353 — — 88a The only sort ever guaranteed genuine and of the finest flavour by Justus Von Liebig, the Inventor. S$OOS569008609 306956 SS SS SS60 60606 Prip.ed by WDligm & Th A guid of & @ Loraine Heed. olf és intvug Ofers of Messrs, Hradbure A cow, @ Co., Lombard ate Typetges + ye tespane. “a tat Lihy & League, “oad Fublehed hm nore ve Font» oper. ‘ia the Pain ws of erg ity Ot Lopiga.—ost eas, February « ee s:

Page 113

PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY.

Half Crown Hel 9 CHEMISTRY OF THE FARM. LABOUR ON THE FARM, : DS | Som oF THE FARM. EQUIPMENT OF THE FARM, LIVE STOCK OF THE FARM, DAIRY OF THE FARM,

SCCESSFUL FARMING | CROPS OF THE FARM. PLANT LIFE OF THE FARM,

t “ G . ~ ay — FEBRUARY 11, | = A me i "IP i> c . Neb | i, Hill | Red | a 9'4 ne AX W ‘ } ) wih \ yi dk “init ly ‘i . \ (6) lh ow oy gs ps A x Ma SLT RR SS _# > DTT ra r a ye iT] qi KN AD 7 ‘ ' 4 a> ‘ ~ 1 All wl! ) aul

PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET. AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS.

CHOCOLAT MENIER onxztaen "“SONS3d ZSYHL 301d

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Fesavary 11, 1888. ay

NEW NOVEL BY THE AUTHOR OF “MEHALAEH.” Ready this day, at oi! the Libraries, tz 8 vols., post Bro. RICHARD CABLE, THE LIGHTSHIPMAS. By the f or a Mena lah.” * John Sead ‘ourt Royal ihe Gaverocks,” London: Surru, Poors, & Co., 16, Waterioe Place. THE MATRIMONIAL HERALD AND FASHIONABLE MARRIAGE GAZETTE is the original and oniy recog: sed medium for Hign-Ciass Introductions. The iargest end most « Matrimonial Agency in the World. Price 34.; in envelope, 444 —Add ess Editor, ©, Lamb's Conduit treet, London, W THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY ESTABLISHED 1825. Aceumulated Fund, 64 Millions Stg.

FOR PROTECTION LINIWLSIANI P EDINBURGH, 8 George 8t. (Head Office) LONDON, 63 King William Street, B.C. 8 Pall Mall East, 6.W. DUBLIN, 66 Upper Sackville Street. Branches & Agencies in India & the Colonies. ROSES Well rooted, many shooted, truly named, of matured vigorous growth, end of the best kinds. Bushes, ts. per dow, +. per 00. Standards, és. per dos, l0ée. per 100. Packing and Carriage Free for Cash with Order These World-famed Roses cannot fail to give the Greatest Satisfaction. DESCRIPTIVE LISTS of above and following free on application — Fruit Trees, Evergreens, Fiower- ing Shrubs 6s. doz dos.), Roses in Pots (ifs. to ceous and Alpine Plants (a good selection, é don., 254 per 00). Vines (Bs. 64. to 10s. 6d), Stove and Greenhouse Piants, Forest Trees, Seeds, Bulbs, &c SEEDS:

Ses. per dos), Her lutely unsurpassed quality, at moderate prices ILLUSTRATED LISTS, cont-ining aie be inte- resting and reliable information, RICHARD SMITH & C0., WORCESTER.

, Clematis (lls. to 3te | Possessing all the Properties of the Finest Arrowroot, BROWN & POLSON’S CORN FLOUR Is a Household Requisite of Constant Utility.

Norz.—Purchasers should insist on being supplied with Brows & Potsow’s Couw Fiore. Inferior kinds, asserting fictitious claims, are being offered for the sake of extra profit.

SAMUEL BROTHERS. Boys’ School Outfits. “Bien” but. SAMUEL BROTHERS, MERCHANT TAILORS, OUTFITTERS, &c., 65 & 67, Ludgate Hill, Lonpon, E.C. BROUGHAM- -HANSOMS, for private use, with Indiarubber Tyres and Cee Springs. The most ex Hansom bu.lt Either n or closed. Light, roomy, and elegant. Sole Builders and Patentees, ‘yo. ARSTON @ CO., Bradford Street, Birmingham. Dra wings free On Sale at Baker Street Bazaar, London ECORATE D ar NE nee of Set Glass in every house ge aperet eo aes M‘Caw, Stevenson & GLACIER WINDOW DECORATION. It can be applied to any wikhout previous experience ne where there are

window by any person | in the = ! the article. h disagreeable write for Illustrated Pamphiet (300 Llustrations) and — | Sample, » Bos free, One Shilling, from the VEGETABLE, FLOWER, and FARM, of abso- | turers, M’CAW, 5 Manuf: TEVENSON & ORR, m. Linenhall | Works, Belfast; or to PeRay & Co. holesale | Agents. Holborn Viaduct, Leadon. of

NESTLE'S |- xox FOOD maim wane — fF INFANTS. Also well adapted for CHILDREN and INV 5. The besis of NESTLE'S ‘ is choice milk from Swiss cows, concentr Th vacuc at « low temperature. so as to preserve original valgable qualities unchanged. To tls added a little sugar and some flour having been previously process of baking. whereby are excluded. The product acts as & solvent upon the the milk from curdiing in the whole compound, which is tive value, as digestible as

CORPULENCE. suffering from ENCE. wtate even those de oad call to-day All persons the body, and

rational ani effective manner, without ray a an drastic 1 emg ame or starvation ce OBESITY 18 CURED, “=. ~_ gratis & pest-free on application to the MEDICAL BATTERY CO. Limited, 52, OXFORD STREET, Lonpon, W.

MAPPIN & WEBB'S SPOONS & FORKS

BALL- POINTED PENS. H. HEWITTS PATENT.) As used by H.R.E. the Prince of Wales, These Pens neither scratch nor spurt, but glide over the roughest paper. They hold more ink and last longer. Six sorts, sultable for ledger, bold, ra sional writing. Assorted Box of 3 or with Ebony Anti- Biotting Penholder, Post Free of all Stationers, or ORMISTON &é GLASS, Edinburgh. ADAMS’S FURNITURE POLISH. THE OLDEST AND BEST. “Tar Quemn” (the Lady's Newspaper) “ feels no hesitation in recommending it.” Bold by Grocers, Ironmongers, Oilmen, &e. Manufactory—SHEPFIELD. rofes- i id, or ‘ens for for Ls. 6d.

THE SPECIFIC FOR NEURALGIA. panna Toa

'Co 1 GAs: :: tres. (<5 oT aneme Rechhehdgunaaten uable in | effective im all those cases in wun we atte) pocensibes | it."—Mepicat Passe. 2s. 9d. , ds, 6d., and ils, "Ot all Chemista, | USED IN THE ROYAL NURSERIES, BEST FOOD FOR INFANTS.

In Tins, 1s., 2s., 5s. and 10s. each. 'GAVORY & MOORE, tovoor, AND SOLD EVERYWHERE.

CLARKE’S NEW PATENT FAl IN FLINT R RY-PYRAMID’ LAMPS OR COLOURED GLASS. gistered Trade-Mark, “ FAIRY PYRAMID.” DESIGNED FOR BURNING CLARKE’S “PYRAMID” LIGHTS. To meet the ’ soe Decorative pu *, the *PAIRY and mark«t * Pyramid” Lights emand for a cheaper Lamp than “ Fairy” Lamps Patentee recommends the PYRAMID’ LAMPS, which, for lowness of price, cauty of design, are unapproachable by anything in the se are designed for burning the = roved Tatent which, next to “ Fairy hts, are best s@ited fer decorative By ene f nts only bait the price of z N_B.—See that the Trade- Mark is on the Lamps and Lights. sid re . Wholesale only af Pyrataid and ad i ay rete CHELDS hes LON ‘ 1 Ee Pesce +Hompony C -.

OXFORD.-MITRE HOTEL ONE OF THE MOST ECONOMICAy FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE Kinigngy [LFRACOMBE, Devonshire, y a desirable WINTER RESORT, a oo ode o mild, equable,and ary climate. ( _ | ag "s Record.) Mean Tempes- an., reb.. 44-1;

ture y+} o for ditto, $0; ditto, 306 (once only). for same period, TRELOAR’S | SHETLAND GARPETS Of. Ola. by 7. At Nice, South o: Pras

15%. Oia. by 12 ft. Oim . SEAMLESS, BORDERED, ALL ORIENTAL PATTERNS. TRELOAR & SONS, | 68, 69, and 70, Ludgate Hill, |

woo, |

5 ig HIGH HOLBORN LONDON Indigestion, Constipation. DAHL’S sxartnat nite DYSPEPSIA Nominent Movicitven” COAKES, eminent Medical Men. Or att Curxutsts. Sample Box, 2s. ¢d., Post Pree DAHL'S AGENCY, 41, EASTCHEAP, LONDOL ASPINALL’S ENAMEL INIMITABLE, URNAMENTAL, USEFUL Colours exquisite. Suriace like Porcelain For Indoor Outdoor Work, for Renovstig E ing. Sold everywhere. Tins, Post Pre ls. 6d. and Se. Aspinace’s Examen VW onas, | onde “FOR THE BLOOD I8 THE LIFE” CLARKE’S WORLD-FAMED BLOOD MIXTURE Is warranted Legennns 4 the — memes a from whatever ¢ toresof ail kinds “phin and ous. lous. Thousands of od bisa from al 2s. Od. . and in cares of at gua emmy mith eseh Ot all Chemists. Sat for bor 132 stamps, by Tux

Lincoum anp Mipias Countias’ Dave Courant,

FOR ASTHMA &C DAT U KA fATULA iG “INHALATION. Londo, SAVORY j "00 ndo

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Fevavary 11, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 61

————— NO KING LIKE LOG. A True Sailor's Song. Some Way after|Dibdin. Atn—" Nothing like Grog.” Lorp CH-RL-s B-R-sF-RD sings :— rm pLacve on those wooden old lubbers Whoteach us to shirk and to shrink! be drubbers, We must not) only fight, we must ged it, [set agog. And HamILTow soon led by Red-Tape’s state rules, He backed up the old fools, I’d have waked the

whole Board, ay, and wigged it, 5 nee. it! Tean’t King Log! To save a few thou- sands of guineas, They’druin the whole Commonwealth. They ’re a lot of incom- —_ ninnies, ny) Britain’s safety + stealth. They wili fall in the vit oe they ’’ve gged it. I gave the old junto a jog. I twigge eas folly ; Soe i So, no ae x OSCHEN i aye ae wigged i s . But—they it nck a? a THE GALLANT TAR ©. B. ATTACKING THE ADMIRALTY: LAND-LUBBERS. I ae ~ ’d to my preaching, And I twig ed, and all England twigged it ; For me, in ~ moment, I twigged it : Yee pices : eunron a slunk, | And yet I’m chucked out for King Log! That’ En fund they’ ’d feat i in’ a earvl. | Saal on nee inane be teoching ing, | Renovating They ’re victims to folly and | Intelligence ? Pah! they’re past thinking; | One day, late or early,‘ can | I drew out my cutlass, he nents & | They’re only fit for the grave. Jouw Bott will have fairly The whole Mass | What did you po ees vow when dressing your constituents ? | | OW new in, | Have you a good cellar of wine ? ou procure and fo Semeey, an eloquent form of — What is the vin’ of your oldest Port ? | words emqeenios i, wil you iam cat to a yous health ? 26 re is your hes Tt a Champagn L When 5 the Old Bailey thorough uain enor L. 2. tte LA | of Mapurate es coqusinted wit ne ea Have yo ar our whole mind fo hi important matter? sincerely think ave you carefully dinner the difference rox. | for Ds 7 noe hike ha till a oui vy ee . : Be Gatates in confinement and the Statutes atlarge? If so explain tl an after a it Tay, i |p yf aay et cee ets 7% SF, waa pia oy ef ele a. a i in C r of a ! mid mild incoretnet Justice with merey in all cases of comparatively | '™ Alderman, a probable Sheriff, and a possible Lord Mayor ? ave youa f 7 Lh | ‘Up ~ yma the Law and Practice of Cri i" a Ree hig oe wa r and respectful distinction between| ‘‘ Netrive roe WYLre ror Prxe.”—This was the title of a sketch 70 | ’s, and one for a paltry half-crown at a| ina recent number of the Sporting and Dramatic News, At first v= | oe ap raes vl pub ? sight it sounded somewhat suggestive of certain at the aus purpose laying in your wine at the Mansion House Grosvenor Gallery in connection with the ee ees eee meity, in preparation 4 ee, oy your Mayoralty ? | but on closer inspection we found it was a piscatorial ill a F VOL, XCrv, G

Fe cree

Page 116

% Bururwo, “AV “do “MSLSV-ONIMVUG TVINuNTIONY amE HIM pejuesenl Sf ofr “YSNQuIe a "A YW “qd =“ALMVG SO01LLVY S84 USLAY ONIXUOR, “BY, UNS Ge Sudeid “AY GQ “ALMVYG SZQOlLLYg 40 IVa auing | m | ‘ orgdese O“Z,, 203 qooene Howes S74 UTYIIM Godwom A( Go eq) oF eerNOCe: BayAeq GTO Coro Qaooyne & fq “Buysyape puv Bayjoedsua soveoneqg upadup squend Yo [Fesrvary 11, 1888 - BOY MSUNIG YOU THOSNT,, OY} JO UVUI-O[ppIA yy ,,“UoOsUqOL ‘IW,, siueneides “A “y “q “eoueg Supyoug ‘s290uR] [efoy S,ueent qIUTN oy} Jo Apreg onFye4 8 Ae "A “Vy “g }901100 8{ @BuvYo ay) WII S08 pre ‘usm BTY TepueupFoy «ALYY ZQDUYg 40 Luvg dRoosg . on sivd "AW ‘qd ‘SSENISOG 40 SLIaVE] ONIUIADOY / fb 4 4 ad “MOPUTM JOOY-4SIY WI ATURTTES JlosuiTy spuaop — ‘“ “dooay, #7y JO peoy omy 48 T1198 Inq oH *patopwoq uoqzwnd) 6°, “Vd “UVM 40 uy HL ONINUVR'] |‘PAMNOWETP “A “Vd. Poy Sy UO B Bujog ,, “NomaATOAM AMVLITI PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (‘spuommepduoo’s young ‘apy yp ,‘orydpsp ey ,, us ebod burjeosezus uw s0f worgsebine p) ‘puownrboy svy} 0) poyoujyy yoru Asda Crow 8) 40.4 J49q)F “ted “AY “‘SUAONVG IVAOU E.NEROO HININ ZHL HIIM

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1888, | |

tell —_— ~~ “ea, + P. A. V. learning to a ee sketoh for ‘* The Graphic.’, Wits rue Reoimentar Drawiwo-Mastren. L

J in ambush. He is prevented ce from having recourse te the only weapon within his reach P. A. V.

cient for suffi

Cs senesnaententipee cpa stirtirtenegasmnnnsetantinmetedantsnan Tar Morxtno arrer THe Fariour Party by a — 24 —— / rz | P. A. Vv. playing whist with Oe Timp Paar oF Fatiour Parry

> . Oct. Dumby Captain Deuceace nepecting and advising.

Fesrvary 11, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 63

| THEN, NOW, AND HEREAFTER. ( Three Views of the same Subject.) VIEW I.—Tue Propasre Past. stately proseanion <= wended its way It — then that the ay is throne, a on his pastoral staf, raised his right hand to bless the kneeling throng before him. d was. 1 So they were washed ! Wher they wees the very thing! So without a of worshi minus the sweet music of an —s¥ defiance of what Public Opinion tt say about dis- in human remains, the of the Martyr were placed on the receptacle that had been reserved for them ! | VIEW III.—Tuae Frownine Forvre.

. | WEEK, AT DvuBLin.

why { XS “TS

saat T ~

~ y, ny is eet SOY [tw : — F Reyes ||) . SS aaa ) = = j = et A wy SS anys \) NAL a - MINz A) = J rae. “BOUND TO PART.” Tae Dovete Irish Jic as pANcED (A LA “ Dovsigs Horwrips my Ferrers,”’) sy THOSE ACCOMPLISHED ARTISTRS THE Marquis or Rizsonw anp THE ‘‘St. Just oF THE GLaD- STONIAN Party,”—‘‘WE THANK THEE, GOSCHEN, FOR TEACHING US THAT WORD,”-——LAST A Porvtar Cray.—Palaces for the People! South London

” So without the smallest mark of | laneous.” So wi |

| ples of them for his Maj Mus. Ra» is to take a class ata Sun- | +P de Sha Stel brn ia ee : ‘ : Bye ho thaee chenda, wich my dear, as| prove, but piles of stone oe ine St Crock, The Lycee wate yceum, Farinacocas Creed.”

has returned i UsrrorrraBix. — Speculating on a “‘ dead | your letter, and hope to hear from him next certainty.” week.—Ep.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON _CHARIVARI. {Fesrvary 11, 1888, | = YOUNG LOVE’S DREAM. Bobbie (sentimentally, to his Cousin, whom he adores). ‘‘Maup, Won’T YOU GIVE ME SOME SOUVENIR OF YOURSELF TO TAKE BACK TO ScHooL witH mz?” Maud. ‘“‘Wuy, Bonaire DEAR, OF Counsz I wit!” Bobbie (with much pathos), ‘‘ AND YOU'LL LET IT BE SOMETHING To £47, Dear, wor'’r you!” IN THE ARENA. Taz “ Pazape” Berorz tas Conrticr. Ho! trumpets blare forth bravely, ho! banners proally flout ! Cool critics loll expectant, spectators swarm and shou For lo! a ese and lately sundered foes, Once more in the arena will counter, clash, and - The echoes of the battle when last they trod the The tramp of eager horsemen, the clang of biting brand Seem scarcely to have left us, and now, before ring Has come with burst of blossom, has filled with flush of wing, Ere Valentine the Vernal hath ancient &, His burthens laid on lovers, and eke on postman’s backs, Ere snow hath left the « ranches, ere green hath lit the boughs, We may look out for ructions, and we must list to rows. Muse, this is scarcely classic, it smacks of Cockney slang, Not thus had sung old Homer of battle’s crush and clang ; Not thus sublime ALcvus had chanted the great day, When * halls from floor to rafter glitter with war's array.” [snow But now our “ white-plumed helmets,” shine not with unsmirche tion, — | oa intense fe‘toning a lou and in phrase, oh than to the fe ters of later lesser days. pty rabedeglensy ar dy edi Such sure is thine, GLapsTonivs ; Cectivs, such ia thine Achilles and great Hector might well ha aaa (Our Our T indeed, a ay cl th aber sens; roy, is “* ok uae Wielonen us meant power, ours Cascriivs on his war-horse full y pranecth ound like giving ground ; hed And at his back, all brawny, and stolid, and serene (An armour-bearer stouter hath been right seldom seen), Comes low-lipped Hartinetonivs, suey — or crest, Or sword, or spear, or javelin, as ma These eyeing stern and steady, as fig oe ee Comes wintry-lock’d Giapstontivs, game still the iiota to try Against whatever comer, erect, and gaunt of limb, ith glance ng bs fie! . and j jaw exceeding grim ; His armour-bearer, also, is ready at his hee With breadth of bossy buckler, and le of shining steel ; Parwettics the Placid, with pallid cheek and cold, With calm eye ever watchful, and chill | my at bold. When these anon encounter in full and fiery Be sure that steel shall splinter, and ruddy leo be spilt. ** Who—who in the aforetime had ever thought to see These heroes so attended?” museth the herald, P. And other chiefs of valour though lower in their grade, Array in the arena, and 9 in the parade. Comes Surrurvus the smug-faced, him of the settled smirk, Batrovrivs ‘the brave, ‘too, one never to shirk Sword-thrust, or spare his foeman though At and disarmed, GoscHENIvs, ‘erst henchman of Gtrapsrontvs, till charmed From him the white-lock’d Wonder, but now his fiercest foe, Save CoaMBERLANIUS, better beknown as Brummijo, Who beards his ancient Chieftain with even more of ire, And backs his ancient foeman with sy more zealous fire. Not so the stout Harcovrtivs, him of the triple chin, He backs the ‘‘ Grand Old Manli as one who's bound to wis, Old Manlius Giapstortus, when shy or sulk, And loads the ancient war-horse with big complacent bulk. And others follow after him of the snowy crest, Morzzrvs the mordant, bravest ptm | oe best, t Spzwcerius Kurvs, the loyallest of hearts, And—but the clarion brayeth, the martial pageant starts. How, now will fare the battle, how will the conflict end ? friend? Which foe will slay which foeman, which friend will smash which He doth not show like shrinking, nor

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PUNCH, OR THE Lon s \ fi MA Ys =] pls LY WY | | My \ u\\ | \ ny VMN , oes a PARADE ” mt \\\ _ } i) \\

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E lo i! Ll (7! - ee fe. i eek ie Pas ARL—Fesrvary 11, 1888, _! NMI YY i } Ne \ Wy \Y ~ \ \\ Wy \ a ~é ‘= , ~—aa— ff ' \ OF —— ae = — == “a Z —= ~ ———__— oon oo RENA. THE CONFLICT. — ee ——

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Fesrvary 11, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ‘When sword with sword shall counter, and shield shall clash with shield, Wed te lds Cena, AM hich was prophetic perchance might dare let cum, whieh © mune Sadaek stend by end mark the fray. MR. PUNCH’S EXAMINATION PAPERS FOR YOUNC PEOPLE. NURSERY RHYME PAPER. 1. Grvg some account, in your own words, of the domestic difference between Mr. and Mrs. John Sprat. In what manner was a compromise finally arrived at ? 2. What was the menu (or bill of fare) of the wedding-breakfast on the marriage of Cock Robin with Jenny Wren? What was the fate of the bridegroom ? Who were the principal wit- nesses of the tragedy? Whoacted as, (1) Shroud- maker, (2) Undertaker, (3) Grave-digger, (4) Par- son, (5) Bell-ringer, on this melancholy occasion ? 3. ** Who comes here?” ‘A Grenadier!” Explain the object of his visit. How was he olive in consequence ? 4, Mention the various manners in which pease-pudding can be pre’ for table. 5. What were the chief horticultural products of the garden of ‘‘ Mary, quite contrary ”? Can they be accounted for by any reference to her disposition ? 6. Give the favourite food of (a) Handy Spady Jack-a-Dandy ; (5) Little Jack Horner ; (ey ittle Miss Muffet ; ( imple Simon ; (e) The Man in the Moon; (f) The Rat, and the Frog who would a-wooing go. 7. How many errands were run by Mother Hubbard on her dog’s account? On one occasion she is recorded to have gone to the joiner’s—for what? and how did she find the dog ae ving her return? Have you any reason for that the dog was not a Teetotaller ? 8. What was the correct answer to the question asked by the Man in the Wilderness ? 9. Give the exact quantity, and destination, of Black Sheep’s wool. 10. Reeeene Gotunaienass earn nected wi possession of a Croo! ixpence. ll. Write down the names of al/ the funss with vile oe the Piper’s Son is said to have been acquainted, 12, Trace the various processes which are re- quired before the old woman’s pig could be in- duced to get over the stile. What was the original cost of this pig ? 13, A certain cat went to Lendon to look at the Queen. Do we pease any, and what, account of the manner : inw she employed herself on this occasion 14, To what would you compare ‘‘a man of vetens om ~ deeds ?” ‘ 5. Deseribe the rigging, crew, and cargo, 0 the ship commanded by a duck that was once observed ‘‘ a-sailing on the sea.” _ 16. Mention any si ity that occurs to you in} the appearance of lady who was to be seen 7 in “ pacseanes of ya ow was person who went to see her, the lady herself, mounted ? _J7. In what respect was the condition of the little pig who went to market better than that of the little pig who remained at home ? 18, Enumerate the {chief contents of the House that Jack built, and give some account of the principal persons who resided in its vicinity. 19, Contrast the of Tommy Green and Tomm Trout (or a and give a short Team Rebi an Rast Miso De -Tatamus, w, m9 Jumping Joan, Mother Goose and Son THE PARLIAMENTARY OWL (GENUS ‘‘COMMONS;” SPECIES SMITHIAN) PREPARING TO POUNCE When bores blare forth and boasters blow, oe > ing drowns discursive jaw ; When Pez Sts brooding, brows bent low, call, When W111 from Florence fair doth hail; Wuen M.P.’s come at the Party When shindy wakes in St. Stephen’s Hall, When Tories row and Rads do rail ; And y’s nose is cock’d at Law ; WhenSblood comes hot, and speech flows When hot Home-Rulers hiss and growl, foul, Then nightly sits the watchful Owl, Then eager sits the staring Owl, Tu-whit ; Tu-whit ; Tu-who ;—a warning | Tu-who ;—a warning note ! How on the pounce his eyes do gloat! | o6 the manner ts which the you be most inclined to ascribe this to—(i.) offen in request was made ? (ii.) affectation, and a desire to uo pee! (iii.) an honest statement of the literal truth? or (iv.) a mere excuse, in to a natural want of vocal talent? Give reasons for your answer. (N.B. Candidates are not required to attempt more than one-fourth of the above questions.) “JACK ’S ALIVE!” Wuo killed Jomm Mappison Morrow? “I,” says the nenty Review, “ in my article on Lasicue, January 28.” But who saw him alive? “I did,” says Mr. Punch, “ quite recently ;” and we are informed that ‘the late Mr. Mappisow Mon- ron,” as the Saturday Reviewest called him, is still ‘all alive 0,” and is one of the dispersed Charterhouse Brethren, quite cosy and comfortable. Not so very | ago he was present as a visitor at a meeting of “‘The Urban Club.” Long live Joun Mappison Morton! But @ propos of Lasicus, Jonn Mappison Morton’s Boz and Cox is something more than a mere on of Frisette,—though, we admit, that a small but telling portion of its dialogue is simply literally translated, —because Mappison Morrow possessed an original style of dialogue, nihil tetigit quod non Maddisonavit, and in this instance, unless we have been for many years much mistaken (in which case ‘the late Mr. Mappison Morton ” will be in time to correct us), he used two pieces besides the operetta Frisette (to which class of entertainment the farce returned under the inverted title of Cor and Box, with SuLLivan's immortal music and an entirely new character, Sergeant Bouncer)—and J, M. M. “ combined the information” in the concocting of Bor and Cor. But Mappison Morton deserves literary and dramatic immortality if only for having invented the title Bor and Coz. Lasicue’s Frisette has long since been forgotten, but Moxron’s Boz and Coz lives and flourishes, and will live—as will also Coz and (the musical) Box—to delight ages yet unborn. ? Tux Prorneric Witt1amM.—* Who’s Marx H. Jupex, who wrote a letter to ‘ the Board of (Faith without) Works,’ with the terms of which it wouldn’t comply ?” ** Well, I don’t exactly know of what race or religion he may be,” replied his friend ; ** but SHAKSPEARE must have had him in his mind’s eye when he made Gratiano say, ‘Manx Jupes, a learned Jew!’” ‘“‘Reapine Berwzen THe Luves.”’—Very dangerous practice, specially when there are trains coming. 20. What celebrated character excused himself from singing in on the that “a| Appropriate Amusement vor Luwt.—Visite to the Loan Collections. Old Masters cold had him as asa ?” Should | still on view.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Fesavary 11, 1888 } | | Will jaded appetite repair | ‘* Where’s Ramsgate? It is near the place |“ With Thanet Harriers, when you are “NUMBER ONE.” Bridegroom (on their way to Paris). “‘ You RE SURE YOU'RE QUITE WARM AND COMFORTABLE, Love!” Bride, ‘‘On yes, Dear—guitz.” Bridegroom. ‘‘1 DON’T LIKE TO SEE YOU SITTING WITH youR Back To THE Enotng, Dar- Line, You pon’r Feet any Daaventt” Bride. ‘‘ On, NOT THE SLIGHTEST!” ia Bridegroom (who does !), ‘‘Tamn, SWEETEST, WOULD you MIND CHANGING PLaces——!!!” “THANKS FOR KIND INQUIRIES.” Sre,—Amongst advertisements which murally decorate the stations of the most useful District Railway, has been appearing one headed Olympia, and underneath this, in staring tals, the words ‘‘ Last Month!” Now, Sir, what is use of advertising “‘ last month ?” cares what went on last month at Olympia? If the show is to attract. let them announce what is going on “ this month.” Yours, &c., Key Say. Sre,—I don’t go much into the theatrical world, so I want to know from you is the report true that Mr. Grrire Farqunar, the actor, late of the Vaudeville, has come into a large fortune and is going to have a benefit P Onz Wuo Doxzsn’r Kyow. Several kind inguirers signing themselves ‘‘ Mesars. Wye, Warefor & Co.,” write as “ Why” the Firet.—When a man has ing penal servitude {for several | When I have gone by 3°15 been undergoing years, on the discovery that he has been unjustly sentenced, and is entirely innocent of the —In the ‘above in- t the unfortunate victim Queen's Am A o e ird.—The Lorzp Mayor brancer, on should not the Queen have an A ‘ourth.—When a man is tisf by th 3 ; and evident unsatisfactory by the » so by the public, Why inks reprieved on sent into penal servitude p “ Why” the Fifth, Why is he not acquitted 4 , ** Why” the Sixth. If this is the Law of the Leal, Why isn’t it altered at once? “ WHERE ’S RAMSGATE?” oi F teed yy Thane, your Lona 4 Report of Twyman v. Bligh.) ‘“‘Wuexe’s Ramsgate?” Justice Hawxurs cried. ‘* Where on our earthly planet ?” | The learned Dickens straight replied, **?Tis in the Isle of Thanet. ** Ramsgate is where the purest air Will make your head or leg well, With the shrimp cure of Pegwell. Where Jurivs Csar waded, And nearer still to where his Grace AUGUSTINE come one day did. ** All barristers should Ramsgate know: I k of it with pleasure,” Qesth Dicuss. ** There I often go When wanting a . ‘* Where ’s Ramsgate? Where I’ve often n see Both S-ms-zwe and Do M-n-zr, ville Express, Victorier. Well mounted on a pony, . ou’ll say, for health who’d go'so far As Cannes, Nice, or Mentone? ‘* With Potawp, of the Treasury, Recorder eke of Dover, I oft go down for pleasurey. Alack! ’tis too soon over !; **O’er Thanet’s Isle where’er My Lud, you'll find no ** Dickens e Ramsgate Judge. ‘Luncheon! I’m off to Sandwich!” “* Wonprovus Kurp.”—Two cards of ad- mission to the Church of All Saints, Lam- beth, for a ‘*‘ Solemn Office,” on the occasion of the Centenary of “The Y: Pre- tender,” (January 31) were forwa to our Office, which is not a “‘so ” one. Mr. Punch to acknowledge their receipt, and fully appreciates Dr. Lugs sympathy with a Pretender, whether young or old, past or present. Tur Petition against admission of Women Cambridge, has been sent basis of the

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Feervary 11, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. As ie; aE = ; IMMA SAA oe "af ] pi | Hnuttbencna si. in aa | , TTT Mall sig ! Mittra | [i a , gy. gy we | My l ni 1} in ‘w yy. itil We A iy if i] iN li 1'} | Ty ll / j a~/ & v, ‘| at Oe aii \ \=— lo Ditge iN i" City Sin A410 a a Tr fr | ihe, i) al ESSENCE OFM iP p's’ isl ee eel 10 4 FS OEA TRY (ann a ets AR Ra ) { House of Commons, Tuesday Night. Having a rehearsal to-night | with the confidences of the Czan. Says it’s “all a flam” about his of our Opening Day on Thursday. Things a little mixed, as appears | propo™g to settle the Bulgarian Question by succeeding Fxxpi- from sketeh taken on spot by Own Artist. But of course on these | WAND. ** Person I’m going to succeed,” says GranDo.ru, ‘is the occasions, when Strangers’ Galleries are cleared, we do pretty much Markisr. Shall begin at earliest opportunity to commence operations aswe like. SPeaKER, aswill be seen, is in high spirits. A little | for unseating him. ? conscious, I fancy, of advantagecus set-off of his figureagainst Loxp (GnawpoLrH very confident, but rather quails under eye of CHANCELLOR. ut Hanpiyer Girrarp doesn’t mind. | Anruvur Batrour, who walks gloomily around. All very well to “I app opening of Session with easy conscience, Dear Tosr,” pose to himself awkward motions on foreign affairs. But su he said, just now. “* Haven’t held office more than two years, and Rarroun were to clap him into prison for a couple of months? can lay my hand on my heart and say there’s not an uncle, a | Suggest this to GnaNnDoLra. He, in his conversational way, says Fig 2 ed =, that E havent 57 = anmeusy ey, = for. ee = em fag ws pertur weaent took o an or y y ike to be a Registrar, County | opportunity later of efiusively 6 y. H. Omirn, Court Judge, or anything else in unobtrusive but comfortably-salaried | inquiring with friendly concern after health of Markiss, and pro- . le Te | ceeded at some to discuss oo Session. Jan to 108 , Harspuny! As CoLenipce says, he adds dignity to | keep his hand in, mITH pounced, and on a Division question pu the Woolsack, Sd We nelutious to the lit tf cor ealaried offic | Which side of the House shall we be sitting on when now Seamon of Gtapstonz here, fresh from Florence ; also Gaawpora, inflated | 1889 opens? Answer Given.—None.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. a {Fsssvany 11, 1888, RESULT OF THE UNIVERSITIES’ RACE, (According to Mr. Goschen.) Intellectual Interest—0. Athletics—1. Latin Verses—2. TAKEN AT A DISADVANTAGE; Or, What it might come to any day, if affairs should happen to be left in the hands of an “ Unintelligence Department,” A Chamber at the Admiralty. Res ible Official discovered settling himself down to a comfortable perusal of the ‘* Times.” He leisurely surveys it for a moment, when he suddenly starts up from his seat as if shot. Goodness gracious! What’s this? (Reading.) ‘* War declared by France last night.” ‘“‘ Gibraltar invested by a French Fleet.” ‘Fifteen ironclads and fifty torpedo-boats assembled at Brest.’’ ‘* The command of the Channel threatened!” Dear me, I dare sa now they don’t know itat Portsmouth. This isreally very awkward. I wonder, by the way, what I did with that list of available ships. (Fumbles at several pigeonholes, and finally touches hand-beil, Enter a Well-organised Clerk.) Ha! Mr. Jonzs, I suppose you ’ve heard the news? War decl Channel | by the French. Most awkward piece of business. It’s all in the pape Well-organised Clerk (smiling). Really. Sir? I haven’t heard it et mentioned in the Office. ar with France! It sounds quite ike a romance. [Smiles again. Responsible Official. Just so. But I suppose the Board have had some intimation of the fact. Though (reflectively), now I come to think of it, I don’t suppose they have. You had better send round the usual letter. h ‘ [0 without. Well-organised Clerk. I scarcely think, Sir, that be necessary, as I fancy I hear the voices of some of “ m ” even now, upon the stairs. (0, the door.) Ah! here they are. [A bevy of Lords of the Admiralty pour into the room gesticu- lating wildly, and engaged in a fierce and recriminatory altercation. Lords of the Admiralty (in confused chorus, all together). Ah! I knew what it was coming to! Well, why didn’t you open your mouth about it? What business is that of yours, I should like to know! Who says we haven’t got the guns ready? I said it was the der. The best thing you can do is to “shut up.” Ho! would you? A precious “sea” Lord youare! Why you’re nothing but a land-lubber! It’s all your doing, and I’ll prove it. Oh, hold your row ! } Responsible Official (at last getting a word in). Well, Lords, I suppose, as things appear to have arrived at—ahem!—a crisis (wproar), that you have some for some—some ar—information as to how we are prepared—I might say, ready to meet it. uproar. [ Renewed First Lord (getting a hearing). That’s it. In the first place, how are we off on the home stations for ships ? Responsible Official. How are we off? Ah! to be sure. Of course. (Fumbling at pigeonholes.) I had a list, I fancy, ey Bag something of the sort, here the other day, but I can’t, for the life of me, put my hand on it. Do you remember, Mr. Jonzs, what we did with that list ? Well-organised Clerk (after some reflection). I fancy, now you come to mention it, Sir, that Mr. Roprwson sent it to ness a few weeks ago. I think they wanted it for some reason or ter rT. Firet Lord. Really, this is abominable. Can you tell us w r we have a single ship available for the protection of the Channel ? [Jeers Responsible Official. Well, my Lord, I shouldn’t like to say for Ts. certain: but, I should hope so (slightly nettled). You cannot reason- ably expect this Department to tell you everything. But I wij] telegraph for information to Portsmouth. 8 80, Second Lord. But what is the condition of the First rye ? Come, surely 7" ean tell us that ? Uproar. Third Lord, And what instructions have you sent to Com- manders of the China, Pacific, and African Squadrons Jeers and shouts, Fourth Lord. What orders have been deopatehod ts the Mediterra- nean Fleet ? [ Groans, Fifth Lord. 1s there a ton of powder in store anywhere ? , [Loughter Sizth Lord, Have we any guns at all? Andif we haye—will they go off ? (Roars of laughter, Responsible Official (carried away by the general geniality, but recovering himself). Really, my Lords, you overwhelm me with your questions. Why, some of them, as you must be well aware, would take months to answer. You can’t expect a parcel of civilians, who are responsible for these things, to have them at their fingers’ ends, Why, the Director of Naval Ordnance is the only one of us who has any professional assistance to help him. We mayn’t make much of it, my Lords, but we do our best. (Cries of “Oh! oh!” jeers, and uproar. Messenger enters hurriedly with several telegrams. Three are from the Commanders respectively of the China, Pacific, and African Squadrons, saying they have ** just heard of the outbreak of hostilities, that they are out of coals and ammunition, and are waiting instructions, which must, however, be sent out by sea, as after the despatch of their respective messages the wires will be cut.” The Sourth ie from the Admiral in command at Portsmouth.) . | State. That is, in the best state they Responsible Official (eagerly opening it). Ha! now we shall know how we are prepared in the Channel. Giiis from Portsmouth. The Admiral in command telegraphs (reads) :—‘* Only vessels here |H.M.S8. Bilgewater, in dock, with her bottom off; Tarpaulin, laid | ap with her boilers burst; Racket, ditto, Ly her new screw; |and the Battledore. She might be got out, but she’s still short of three of her guns, and the shell that’s been put aboard for those she has got is two sizes too big; but she has got a Nordenfeldt anda couple of Gatlings that only jam now and then; and though there’s something wrong with her crank that makes her only cover seven knots in the hour, yet, take her all round, she’s as tidy a craft as | has been turned ont of the yard for some time now, and might have a chance of getting safe up the Channel if there was a bit of a fog | on, and the enemy didn’t keep his weather-eye too wide open. Wire | instructions. Shall I send her off, or keep her at Spi to protect | the Ryde Steamboat Company ?” [Frantic uproar, amid which, after threats, imprecations, and general recrimination all round, it is decided that the ‘‘ Bat- tledore,” and as many of the vessels of the Ryde Steamboat | Company as ‘“‘she can get to accompany her,” shall proceed | forthwith to Brest, and do their best to blockade the French Fleet, pending the six months or so it may take the “‘ Depart- ment” to get things a little more organised and in hand to meet the rmmediate necessities consequent on a sudden out- break of war. FAIR AND FOWL! [Miss Hztznw Ratcurrrs summoned the Reverend Hucu Hawezts before a Magistrate because the crowing of a cock belonging to the Reverend Gen- tleman disturbed her. The case was adjourned for settlement. But on Friday last it was reported that the Hen-house had been burglarised, and that the offending Chanticleer had vanished. ] Tat bird of Hawets’s Cheer up, Hvuen Hawzis, Sir, Did make such noi-ises, Uncertain Law is, Sir. Neighbours are glad it is gone; | Says Helen, ‘‘ Are Burglars’ crew Playing ‘‘ Jim Crow” on his (Bird beyond ken o’ me Fiddle, and so on, is ‘Held by the Hen-emy’) Hawes lamenting alone. | Cock-sure to crow over Hucn?” Innocent Food. } Tus advertisement was found in The Liverpool Mercury, an, 27:— ws TED, at end of February, a NURSE, able to bottle a baby. We do not think this was meant cruelly, yet it is liable to be mis- understood. Who, (except perhaps a Cannibalistic gourmet) ever heard of ‘' Bottled Baby?” The nearest approach to it in sound is Bootle’s Baby, and that certainly was uncom y good. Hotety Goremrscucnt.— Tne Vor Rov, De. Been wes installed as Dean in ester Cat , Mayor and Corpora a ape 4 operation ateteied Body Dean Hoxz won’t do things by halves, ; cae &> NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will accompanied im no case be returned, not even when there wil] be no exception. by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To

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s before d Gen- reury; at PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI—Fesavary 11, 1888. Beware of the party offering Imitations of IVEN & CAMERON'S PENS, come a6 8 boon and a blessing to men, ‘Pickwick, the Owl, and the Waverley oy Pen.” Oban Times. —_ “THE FLYING ‘J’ PEN,” Fold Every- where, 7 ‘ pen which will write 100 words with ons dip of in ole Box, with all kinds, by Post, le. 1d, PATENTEES: LONIVERS & CAMERON, ., Edinburgh. (Zstd. 1770.) H.M. Government i areas TO 1 Special Boyal and Impr'al Warrant. 4 Fabrics. By Royal Weeer the Direet Pa 1 es of Euro D4 the Rank wand ya Fem F ashioa of the es igus and ‘igh-Cla epasten, iy iew Facute Ds in Pure Wool, p for Beauty ig A By Admirable W ti Superb Past Dye. atterns Pi as! Gen Lag 7 tas pickon all Citmaten cE fold E PAT TERNS. above to any part of the United Kingdom. ho AoewTs o# Mippte-Mex nc GERTON BURNETT, llington, Somerset, England. of Honour, 1878. Royal Portuguese Eatgnt- 183. Gold Medals and other distinctior: N BRINSMEAD & & SONS’ PIANOS up and 22, rw iGMOum en STRELT, “LONDON, W. _ Lists Free. Phosphatic Food for Delicate Children. SQUIRE'S HEMIGAL FOOD. original preparation of the late ARD PARRISH, for which SQUIRE NS were for 20 years the Sole Agents, for the last 13 years have been the authorised manufacturers. tles, 2/-,8/6.& 6/- each, of Chemists Or by Parcels Post free direct from UIRE & SONS, HER MARaETe CHEMIST: rd Street, Lon —_—_—-» HIGHEST “+ A 0 ra A DR. LAVILLE’ (PERFECTLY THE UNFAILING SPECIFIC FOR CURE OF COUT & RHEUMATISM. One Bottle sufficient for two to three months’ treatment. EVERYWHERE. Or Free by Post (with the Pamphlet). New Bond Street, London. PRICE Qs. ROBERTS & CO., 76, S LIQUEUR. HARMLESS.) BY ROYAL LETTERS FATENT. “Ban Jove! The ABSOLUTE PERFECTION of a Brace. SIMPLICITY. STRENGTH, and KRASE attained WITHOUT ELASTIC Tats Porras rixes rrorman!” RAT, SPRINGS, the ~pecia!l Covering tect nz the C.oth- pro Ses va, po njur, -| SEE ss each “POTTER” RACE bears this Wholesale only—16 and 17, Cheapside, London. F.C. GHUBB'S SAFES WILL PREVENT JEWEL ROBBERIES Patcs Lists sext reer, 128, QUEEN VICTORIA STREET, E.C.: @, ST. JAMES’S STREET, Pall Mall, London. 4 PLEASURE TO USZ. Never Requires Hew. Lavine writes ee razors excellent” Case, complete. EKROPP fries ec man at, GERMAN HOLLOW-GROUND From all or direct meee ees RAZOR, Frith 3t. Soho 8q., Lond., TO SAVE THE TEETH, USE DAILY THOMPSON & CAPPER’S be _,DENTIFRICE WATER. leware “Fispenche Tmitaticnn” THOMYSON & CAPPER, Chemists, 55. Bold Street, Liverpool, and 51, Pic cadilly, Manchester DINNEFORD'S MAGNESIA. For ACIDITY or ras STOMACH, HEARTBUKN, HEADACHE, GOUT, and INDIGESTION, 180, BOND STREET, and all Chemists. MADE WITH BOILING WATER. EPPS’‘S CRATEFUL—COMFORTING, | COCOA MADE WITH BOILING MILK. | CORK DISTILLERIES COMPANY | §ix PRIZE. MEDALS FOR | First Prize Medal Thilodeiphie, 1876 . Gold Medal, Paris, 1878 +t Prize Medal, byaney, ig, Three i’rise Sabsd s, Cork , 1863. [hy VERY fine, full flavor and Good Spirit."—Jurors’ Award, Philadelphia Centennial Exhibition, 1876. “UN QUESTIONABLY as fine # specimen as one could wish to see.”— duress’ Award, Cork Exhibition, 19a. THIS FINE OLD IRISH WHISKY may be hod of the principal Wine end Spirit Dealers, and is supplied to whoie- tele merchants in casks and cases by CORK DISTILLERIES COMPANY (LIMITED), MOKKISON'S ISLAND, CORK, KURE-QUIC “ THE NEW QUININE TONIC “ PICK-UP.” TALK OF LONDON GREAT COLD CURE, Restores Strength, removes all traces of Fatigue, and gives a right, Mealthy appearance to the Featu: es. SPLENDID “PICK-UP” FOR MORNINGS AFTER A BALL, DINNER, OR CONCERT. KURE-QUIC 2s. 64. per Bottle. OF ALL CHEMISTS. HOPING COUGH. Roce 8 EMBROCATION. efiectuai cwe without mternal Wholesale Agents, W. Eowsnns & Bon "hon, 187, L.., Victoria Street (formerly of 67, St. Paul's Churen- yard). Sold by most Chemists. Price 4s. per bottie, GOLDEN BRONZE | HAIR.— ‘ihe bag) A YI" oncee’’ can be ‘4 any colour 4 usug ARLN: rele only 4 . WINTER, 412, Oxford 81, 64.218. For tinting grey or landed bar suis B to invaluable. THE BENEDICTINS LIQUID ELIXIR DENTIFRICE TOOTH POWDER AND TOOTH PASTE. Prices frem ls. 6d. 10 &. From all Perfumers of Chemists; » holesale only ,51, Frith St., London, W. S. & H. HARNESS COMPOSITION (Warrnrnoor), SADDLE PASTE (Warerrnoor ) Scld ty all Saddlers, Grocers, and Ironmongers. Sentai: $1. MANSELL ‘STREET, LONDON, Z. HARRIS'’S EBONITE BLACEING (Warearacor), For Boots, Shores, Harness, and all Fiack | eather Articles POLISHING PASTE. six@ Merats sep GOLaee FRY’S OOOO “Rich in Phosphates."—Banox Limsre. MAX GREGER'S CARLOW!TZ. 2, Old Bond Street, London, W. QLD VINTAGE PORTS. 1861, 1863, 1865, 1868, 1870, 1872, &o. GUARANTEED. 8S. JOHNSON & SONS, WATN-ON-DEARNE, YORKS. Ber, A.D. 1708 CARLTON HIGHLAND MALT WHISKEY. ELEVEN YEARS OLD. GOLD MEDAL, CALCUTTA EXNIBITION, tans 20a. the Gall; 50s. the Dox. Canntsce Par. Caen Onc RICHD. MATHEWS & CO., 24 and 25, Hart St., Bloomsbury, W.C., LATE OF ALBANY 8T,, N.W Agents for Indla—CUTLER, PALMER, & CO. A single bottle, ag a sample, wil! be sent post fre to any address on receipt of P.O. for 44, be J. EXSHAW & 60. 4 FINEST OLD BRAN DY. of. in Cases a» 1® porte = & Co. an T. Ww. pW. Bratcrve ALLMAN'S WHISKEY FINEST 4, cre: mt treet, W % ms BARDON pisTiLLEAY Esiam. bist 1825 To be had at Clubs, Hotels, and Kiesteurants, and in casks of all Wholesale Wine and Spirit Merchants throughout the United Kingdom and Colonies OPER FRERES’ FIRST QUALITY CHAMPAGNE. VINTACE 1880. “TAUNUS” THE ROYAL ** Absolutely free from Organto matter." NATURAL SPARKLING SUPPLIED AT ALL THE Leading Hotels, Restaurants, be. The principal Chemists have been pointed Agents. “HH EALTH | CONCENTRATED oape HEAD OFFICE EXHIB’ ‘1884 | SOLUBLE 98, LIME STREET, LONDON, £.0. a) It has a delicious uz CO B. Moore, OA D.!L_. _

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Fesavarr 11, 1888 Drink Ope COCOA GUARANTEED ABSOLUTELY A Ad a , j GY Z be Gi VA, E 7 A) 4 if q PURE ie fa a: “tees - . — SF, ee ) - é al y G My 44 Zu AND AF ages 4 d A Mf Sj os ? BY ROYAL AUTHORITY. * —— 01 80-o — Capsury Bros. warn the public of those Dutch Cocoas and their English imitations, sold as pure Cocoa, to which about 4 per cent. of Alkali and other agents are added, to give apparent strencth to the liquor, by making it a dark colour. This addition may be detected by the scent when a tin is freshly opened. No Cocoa can be stronger than Capsury’s, which is guaranteed ABSOLUTELY PURE. SRVVLAALAL LAST LAAAAAAAAAPARIAAETTTL A few of the many Good Reasons why CADBURY’S COCOA enjoys such World-wide Popularity’ It is guaranteed to be Pure Cocoa. It contains all the delicious aroma of} It is a gentle otimulent, sn4 & It is Soluble in boiling Milk or Water. © the Natural Article, without the ex-}, against hunger and bocly Jay It is not reduced in value by the addition cessive proportions of fat. os Cadbury’s Cocoa, the suX of Starch, Sugar, &c. It is delicious, nutritious, digestible, ; machinery employed obviates It is specially rich in flesh-forming and comforting, and a refined beverage; necessity for its being once strength-sustaining principles. é suitable for all seasons of the year. } by the human hand. ; : —Always ask for Cadbury's Cocoa. Always examine your Purchase. See that you have not been r Precaution and Warming. ~*ste't tation andi cary af Kaghiy- clara and dragged preparations afer a P= Anything of a medicated character associated with Cocoa proclaims at once that it 18 not pure. Ze - ZZ | gee Pripied by William Stuart Smith, of No. 90, Loraine Road in the St. Mary, Islingvon, in the County { Middlesex, at the Printing Ofecs of Masam. Bradbury. Agnew, & Co. Losi = eas Pccanss od Whntolnae ta tan Chey at Ldedon nad Peblicked by bia ch be Fleet Street, im the Parish of St. Bride, City of London—SaTuapat, Li, load

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Mr. Punch: nn aware Victorian Era ~~ P me Ow OI " 4 21a

My WZ W\\¥ ~~ ie i \ Ss => Be MT imbadt ' > + ¢ A’? 1 = WMS ; Heaps ak) 2) HPS PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, AND ®0LD RV ALL BOOKSELLERS.

si Ys

7 Il * “Its numerous competitors DOLLUNAV IS vis ustered at the General Post Office as a Newspaper.)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Fesavary 18, 1888.

DR. SMILES’S WORKS. LIVE AND LABOUR; or, oi Cha- acteristics of Men 0° ta & a KB ee MEN 0 OF ‘INVENTION AND JAMES NASMYTH, ENGI- stobiography. With Portrait and © ie tienen EC & each. SELF-HELP. THRIFT. CHARACTER.| DUTY. INDUSTRIAL BIOGRAPHY. LIZE OF GEORGE STEPHEN. ith Tlbestrations. Bis; 7s. 6¢.; oF LIVES OF THE ENGINEERS. Liestrated. is LIFE OF THOMAS “EDWARD, THE SCOTCH NATURALIST. Lilustrated by

Geeaes Kei, as A JOHN MURRAY, Albemarie Street. TO STOUT PEOPLE, Sewpst Trees says: Mr. Russell's aim is to BRavdicaTe, to come the dleease, and thet hie A t ie the tue Ove seems beyond ali doubt. The papert BK hé preecribes pore nov Lowen, BUT BUILDS CP? a*D TONES THe cveres — & (D6 pewes) with recipe and notes how to pleasantt Kae | core Onsertt (Gverage reduction im fret week is 3 ibs.), post free 6 stamps ?. 6. RUSSELL, Webern Store Strest, Setinl tot Lean WA. LADIES INCLINED TO THINNESS, with its attendant discomforts, sre invited to send adurersed envelope for a PAMPHLET, containing Interesting ead instructive advice on the Development of the Figure by natural means, to Madame STEPHAN, 8, KEW CAVENDISH STREET, LONDON, W. C. BRANDAUER & CO.’S CIRCULAR POINTED Write as smoothly as « lead = PENS peacil, end veither scratch nor spurt. the points belong roun by « new process. C.BRANDANERAC* pRCULAR POINTE sPENS Seven Prise Medals awarded. Assorted le Box, ¢4., or post free for 7 st«mps from ©. Brandauer & Co.'s Pen Works, Birmingham.

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——— eLY @F Con re OR Btcwce 2B on te =~ m” BAMA RIZE xmuy ded for RE MATS R & 80K D, & 70, Hill, Be HOTEL NOMICAL LB KINGDoy Pt + Present } BASS, ver Vittiog, to fn j TABLE or, and Chim | TCH ROXm NERY Cases ‘G CASEA \N ESTICKS. , to hold fen adilly. W, | D PURIFYING PEROUME PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. +3 | Fesrvany 18, 1888.] Wikies WARREN’S WHITENING. Asp I RESTORED IT PERFECTLY. Not-at-cll-at-Home Secretary. ‘‘ SPLENDID COLLECTION OF ‘CONSTABLES YOU'VE Sir Ch-rl-s W-rr-n, “‘Bravutiyo.! Taran’s oNE WHICH WAS AL“OsT BLACK, TH&eRe's ANOTHER WHICH ONLY WANTS A TOUCH OR TWO OF MY LUMINOUS WHITENING TO BE AS GOOD AS EVER IT Was.” PRO BONO 'PUBLICO. eat Now, Sir, what appointment do” you desire Candidate. I wish to become Dean of a Cathedral. E. Certainly. Have you any idea as to your duties’? C. I fancy I am ble for the building and its “Te Quite right. N had . Quite rig ow, suppose you or an reasons to believe that the bones of some great Vistorical person were buried in a certain part of the Cathedral, what would you do? C. I would dig for them. E. Quite right. And if you did “not find them in one place, what would do? C. I would dig for them in another. E. Certainly. Quite right. And if you found them— what next? (Candidate hesita tes.) Well, what would you do with them? Yes? Safer a pause). I think I should give them a good washing. E. Quite correct. And after they had" been washed, what next ? 5 haps it would be well to have them Cc. Well photogra > EF. Unquestionably. And after they had been photo- graphed, what would be your next step? C. Well, I think I ought to put them somewhere handy, where they would be carefully examined by the scientists. E. Yes. Well? Where would that be? C. I can think of no better answer than somebody's drawing-room P E. And that answer will do admirably. I am so pleased with your replies, that I appoint you Dean until the End of the Chapter. And you may adopt as your motto, ‘* Ottum cum dig.” A LESSON IN LAW; On, Foston AND ConFUSION IN THE FUTURE. Scenz—Interior of the Hall of an Inn of Court, Students discovered seated at tables, more or less attentive. Enter two Porters, who arrange a table surrounded by long os They then retire, giving place to Lecturer who 1s received with applause. He bows, and gets behind his table. _ Lecturer, Gen now that in the Legal Profession no distine- tion is known between i and Solicitors, a Lawyer must be ele cqneer nee It is not sufficient that he may know how to address a jury or to draw a brief—he must be competent to serve a writ, or possibly to become the Lord Chancellor. Naturally in the latter character he have many reminiscences of the days of his youth. fe ee ee one oo Oe tet Oe (Stoops down beside the table and re-appears in wig and robe.) H’m, the Lord Chancellor. (Applause.) H'm, ha, h’m. This is a very im- portant matter—so important that I fancy we must take time to con- it and net giv our decision—decision I say, until next term. And that reminds me that once when I was _— the office of some Barsolistor (I was junior thefirmatthetime), I found a draft of a brief that had never , and on account of its non-delivery the action had been won. No doubt my Brother be- me will remember the cireumstance ? (Altering his voice in reply.) Certainly. (Takes off disguise of Lord Chancellor and rea 3 as himself. Applause.) Having shown you one of the Prizes of the Pro- fession, I will give you another. I willintroduce my friend. Mr. WExxvp, a Chief Clerk in the C Division. This should be more in- teresting to you than the other illustration, as it is easier to becomea Chief Clerk than a Lord Chancellor. (Laughter, amidst which the Lec- turer dives beneath his table to reappear dressed as a Chief Clerk of the Chancery Division.) Mr. Wetior! (Cheers and Laughter.) Now, let me tell you all, that I do not advise anyone to do anything, but if I am asked by the Plaintiff in this cause what he ought to do, I can only say, that were I he, I should certainly take out a summons which might be made returnable in a week asking for whatever it is, And if the Defendant in this cause were to make the same application to me, I should give him the same advice. That is what I should do were I not a Chief Clerk, but as Iam a Chief Clerk, I give no advice at all! (Lecturer dives beneath his and reappears as himself. Applause) Having shown you what you may become if you are successful, I will now give a hint of a possible companion fate. My friend, Mr. CosTxr7, having become a Barsolistor, and entering into legal proceedings himeelf, Knowing the is anxious that everything should g° right H 'ppears reappears in an Y ttered gown. r. booratee (Applause.) Now tell me, Seanue you know I do know all it, whether everything had proper attention? Have you got the third account vouched—and the letter for the surrender of the lease posted, and the further observations to the Junior Counsel sent out? And I do hope that the funeral I had to attend did not interfere with my being properly represented when that point about the binding of my wife’s life interest was referred to the judge? And you are quite sure that there is not more than five quarters rent to pay for that farm we haven't been able to agree amongst ourselves to let ? And you don’t think much harm was done by my absenting myself to take my eldest daughter to the scarlet fever hospital when that unsuccessful application was made to have some accumulated income paid to me out of Court, And—(hesttating)—and—and you don’t think you could advance me five shillings to go on with? (Loud laughter, amidst which the Lecturer resumes his every-day dress.) And now, Gentlemen, I will conclude my with my last illustration—Mr. JonarHanw Busymay, whom we will suppose is a Barsolistor who has not yet been able to secure a partner. (Dives under table, and reappears in another character.) Now let me see which shall I do first—argue before the Court of Appeal, or finish that Bill of Coste? No; can’t do either, as I have to serve that writ in Bayswater. But that won't do either, because I have got to take the proof of that the Probate case. And yet how can I attend to him House searching for that will? Then the en ing of that marriage settlement, fixed for to-morrow at St. George’s, Hanover Square. I neglect the dyi ition of the witness at Charing Cross Hos- pital, and he dies before I get to him, how on that case at Bow Street, fixed for some time this afternoon? Notthat I couldn’t throw over a criminal matter if it would have helped me to appear in the ruoning-down case in the . D., to cross-examine the coachman this morning. And then, if I do either, the widow ma starve if I don’t identify her in the Paymaster-General’s Department, |. to enable her to secure her dividends! Not that she couldn't wait if I had but the leisure to finish that opinion about the fraud on the power which I promised should arrive in good time to enable some country clients of mine to make up their minds before they com- menced suits for administration over value, and eee convey- ance. Well, I can’t do all, and if I don’t do all, I had better do none; so, a8 it’s a fine day, and I feel in a pleasant frame of mind, I think I shall take a holiday, and go to Southend | [Roars of laughter, amidst which the Lecturer retires, and brings the Scene to an agreeable conclusion, ¥ Treating him Lightly. “ Srorr,” says Lawxester, ‘‘ Nonsense! I know that I’m right. On your old ¢ffete system I'll let in the light.” Anewers Oxrorp. “‘ Your light you will take away. We can see better far, thanks, without such a Ray.” VOL. XCIV.

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| ~~ —_—_— A b; Sy O AAAAAAT) Vip. Cal a i Ny i ih » ii \ ' ext ery : y 4 [Fesrvary 18, 1888, | sluice away smartly ; sore need of in very a PR Pp And if vested interests in filth should talk tartly, o it, my Hercules ! lace stands in he Just silence the knaves with a tap of that Club! a ut \ Doves wits 4 DIFFERENCE.—. that carrier-pi event of W IN THE AUGEAN STABLE. y; we wi w | =) oO x w x PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL Club on their rascally backs. these realms too com your stout The Muck-Mammon rules in Is quite an heroical task, as things go. But lay

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Eiek

|_ aa

Fesnvary 18, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 76

> tt . jt wee H a i n i <4 XK all) HULA i| I hl PSL Z sxtuactaatt : VEXTACTED FROM THE DIARY of TORY.M.P House of Commons, Thursday Night, February 9.—SaunpEnsow quite unhappy. Came down os! this afternoon for exciting doings. Air full o UNCAN, under cover of seconding the a8, came down armed to the teeth. Parnellites were to raise question of Privilege ; Old Morality was to introduce his new ; and Arruur Baxroor had ten i e as ae in the ining-room. At gi igna were to enter and arrest oe ember on the premises. Hadn’t been such a glorious prospect for years. Nothing to equal it—except the absolute flatness of the night’s events. No question of Pri ; no arrests. The disgui waiters had.nothing to “take up” but the dinner. Ministerialists ht down by urgent Whip left the House by scores when their ler rose to continue debate; before midnight whole thing miserably died out.

rumour of war.

a “ Duncan comes here to-night.” yi spirit. Fol. “The gracious sts, | OO ee over and Seconder of Address, “Now we'll have it,” said SauwpERsow, shifting shillelagh to left-hand coat-tai But we didn’t have it at all. Grapstowz almost b Ministers, a their pro- , and promised assistance in it a legislative “Call that a Grand Old Man?” the Colonel muttered tetaee —~— ths wz oll in a Mild ee moment some hope lingered round Prnz. hangin his castle walls for weeks and months, turned up! y under the very nose of AnrHur BALFour. “So you’ve let yourself down to this?” said Larcarra, looking in to hear the writ moved for Dundee. “' Better where you were. As for me, can’t approve the way Oppo- sition is carried on, 80 up my seat. If you could spare s quarter of an hour, 1/4 explain, in fuller detail, my reasons “Exouse me,” said Prwz. i out coil of rope which

vain. Hawk eye of policeman et in P 6 Y I me?” said represen- tative of Law and Order, just as if he ad come upon Dr. Livine- stone in the wilds of Cen- tral Africa. Pywe’s hand at his belt like flash ¢ light- ning. In an- other moment

Peers’ Gallery with neatness attainable after long prac- ed tee; wont up hand over hand with anacing eclerity. 14 , Don’t wait,” he said looking down on amazed ex- i L * Hart xep.”—Clever Mr. 8, Hatt, of ber for ‘Think I see a Policeman coming.” cery Bar, has just “ taken silk.” Mem Dundee. . 4 “How very abrupt!” Larcarra said, gladder than ever “How veryabrupt!””

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76 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Fasrvary 18, 1888, i LY) + +}—_— = SNOB-SNUBBING. “‘A—wywy Psorts, Miss Deverrvx, came INTO EnoLanp wire Srrevesow, You Ewow!” * ARE YOU QUITE sure ir wasn’t Loyezpow, Ma. Snooxson t’ OUR “JUNIOR CLASSIC” AGAIN, Dean Oxp P., D Pes ‘ I must just begin in English. I'll go on into Latin in a minute, only Freel o I find I can’t talk so my remove! I feel no @ in Latin. Here I am, back at school, and J’ve got of a swell. As my Pater says, “perhaps I shall blossom out into a Porsow some day ’’—though who Porson was I don’t Fnow, only I think he was some classical bloke or other—Lazs Porsowa, I think he used to be called. Well, strangely I feel no end flattered. I wish you hadn’t said I had better answer it in La However, your request that I should tackle the letter of Wrxxnamisrus, who objects to being called a Wykehamite, reached me yesterday = a Excursvs (I think that's what they call it), de litterd alicujus Wykehamsti, et de nomine ‘* Wyxkesamistus,” vel ‘' WxKeaaMiTUs,” Primum, permitte me observare ut tuus correspondens est ad culpam quum scribit Latiné. Objectit ut momen ‘ Wykehamitus” non est proprium, et demandat explanationem ‘‘ quum proxime cuus papyrus eveniet.” Huve est vere caninum pro “as soon as your paper cones out.” Sed prwtermitto hoc, quod aseribo factum ut hie pauper socins non est Etonensis ; nunc ad rem! Terminatio ist occurrit swpe. Ut whist (ludws) Aist (signalis ut Magister appropinguat) Aist (paulo-post-perfectum de Aise, Osculare). Vide de hoe Mapvie, “de Particulis ints,” vol. 26. Vide quoque ‘‘ Grammaticam” Borrt (illias Germani), si vis. (Sed hoe non adviso. Worr, quamquam eruditus, est valde aridus et incomprehensibilis, ut mos est Teutonicus.) Adde ist ad W yxenam, et habes * Wy us,” decens Latinum; Ego prefero * Wyke- hamensis., ” ut “ Etonensis.” Id sonat melius. Sed forsitan non sum absoluté impartialis in hae re. Sine dubio, iissimum nomen ueris Schole ad Winchester est “* Winesotrensha” Genre" Wykeham,” only noscere? Erat home appellatus GuLIzLMus ps WYKEHAM, sum awarus, qui fundavit (nonne ’) Sed Jonanwes Lyon fundavit Harroviam; et non appellamus Harrovienses pueros ** Lyonistos.” Terminatio ie est quogue bonum Latinum ; aliquo modo, id est satis bonum Vide Hittite (antiqua natio posilis aon Wi Bright (notus Anglicus pro me. orator), talia. Ergo quia non Wyke ero id potius buececam seribere ad te, Vide Borr, ut ante.) cum, ut “ Wykehamistus” scribit. Si esset Etonensis, id esset differens. Sed fort, non sum impartialis, ut dixi. Percipis ut treatavi subjectum in serio lumine. Chumu mei suggerit ut id debet treatari in veno Doctoris Warr —v elicet — How doth the little Wykehamist To waste his time delight, In writing notes of which the gist Is, “* Why called Wykehamite? ” Sed non considero hoc dignum occasionis. Spero ut dedi multam satisfactionem in hoe excursu. Habui swottere ad id, ego possum diceretibi. Sed unum verbum antequam ego finio. Da mihi aures tuas et ego tibi reddam, ut dicit SHaxspzanrus. Cur non derivatio sic “ Wykamus” (subaudi “ ”) id est, Wykham (“* Boy”’ understood), ‘* Mitss” gentle (iterum subandi *“*puer”), te. “*gentleboy,”—nam “ est homini,” cum Divinus GuLiztMos SaaxsPearivs habet (ad minus sic ego puto) unde derivatur ** Gentleman,”— et ambo simul, id est, ‘‘ Wykamus” et “‘ mitis” formant ** Wykamite.” Majus complimentarium id, est-ne? Hoo me vapulat ut unum genus conundri, sie, meum primum est ‘* Wykamus,” meum secundum est “ mitis” (subaudi “puer” ut supra) et meum totum est nomen pueri in statu publici pupillari, quod transfero ‘* public school- a A Vide? Non malum, est-ne? “ Vale et iterum vale,” cum cantat poeta, et dixit tuus veritabile Tommavs ( Etonensis.) AN ANGEL’S VISIT; Or, The Artist's First Commission. Aw hour ago and the world was gray,— A thoroughly Bloomsbury kind of day,— When you think of the bills that you cannot pay, And turn from beautiful thoughts away, Like a sulky child from kisses, And wonder how poets sweet things can say Of a world so chilly and hard and gray, Where the wise are gloomy, and fools are gay With their sorrowful, sordid blisses. My hopes were low, and my heart was sore, For a soul’s mosaic litter’d the floor, While vile pot-boilers the easels bore, And the kettle croon’d of the cheap tea-store, On smouldering coals that waved of yore In a graveyard antediluvian, When there came a tap at the studio-door— Such golden music ne’er heard before The treasure-seeker who strikes a crore Of buried rupees, or the hidden ore Of Incas in vaults Peruvian. The rain was lashing the windows high, As if in spite of the brilliant sky That lives in my ) ee of last July, My holiday record of last July, My only relic of Summer, When a wide-eyed welcome of peitest sun aye all the room over, and dwelt upon e hyacinth’s clusters of cinnamon To welcome the sweet new-comer. Then the veteran chair with a missing limb, And all that was common and mean and grim, Grew suddenly seemly, and fine and trim, Like courtliest old-world lovers ; For a luminous beauty around her flowed, And her face like the waking of morning glowed, And her hair like crag in a hollow road Where a leafy sunlight hovers, Now I hear but her nightingale melody, Though her brother, I think, talked more than she, And — didn’t say half as much to me As they found to say to each other ; But every tone of her crisp, clear notes ase aresee Sy on silence floats, ne ough dizzied memory vainly quo What she came about with her brother. She has taken the loneliness all away, And only the grace and the comfort stay ; ; And the light that she leaves is so pure and bright That rain and wretchedness merely make A beautifal rainbow for her sake, Who found the room in a doleful plight

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Fesavary 18, 1888,] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 7 “ ffia \ “My name it is William Ewart Gladstone, , nor brandy, nor Tauchnitz, I own Not even one bottle of Eau de Cologne.” (Aside to himself.) But just half a bottle, and so ’tis a fact I haven’t one bottle, I must be exact. He sang on landing, spick and span, the G. O. Man, his daty.” [Cheers from everybody, and off by train. the doyen of the herd, ed the Press and the Public well for more years than he were all treated like snak » ies OSE TESTIMONIAL TO THE SITUATION. Ow the opening of Parliament (when the last Term of the Silly epee) 0 crowded Meeting was held to express the thanks lly Season Subjects for the very efficient aid rendered to the Chae boy ao hy Ay hn (be yal ouppected b Gooseberry several members of the poet d and Sumpsimus, the Weather and uropean Situation. He € he saw around him to-night many who didn’t mean to,be laughed at. (Dead silence, in which the Speaker me Roceet tha 2Besn, whe sother heatiy, anit ne bis vilege to second the proposal. was nota member, my mid er ad pong Mag Teg dpe de ed 5 wracel come a good deal before the public. The European Situation rather fam oa Ater)—but the clouds had not prevented his om he was sure that no clouds however ening, would the European Situation, from continuing to si ins old European way. (Loud cheers.) batton for the Situation. of“ tts thumb to its nose Messrs. and who ist toas On the restore oie, Be. Q’ ‘ yb laa m. Ses said he was in a very The Speed of the Horse, and the intrtid bundled out. The Gigantic , who was warmly received, said it was all very well to talk about the Billy Season, but for his part he considered one paragraph about the wonders of nature, even if they were purely imaginary (he meant no to the Chair), more interesting than a column of speeches about what the speaker didn’t understand, addressed to listeners who didn’t want to hear. (Applouse.) He supported the motion. e vote of thanks was carried unanimously, and briefly acknow- ledged by The Situation in a few well-chosen phrases, and the company disappeared into oblivion for the Parliamentary Session— except the guest of the evening, who is understood to be preparing a surprise for the Special Correspondents. ONE DEGREE BETTER. eg ann “ The honorary degree of Mus. Doe. is to be conferred | —Mr. Micuari on Herr Joacuim by decree of Convocation on Tues-| Davitt, in one day.” — Times. of his a ha- Some diffienlty was experienced in fi the that by } lared th Herr. Afterwards, instead of stmply dm. Be the ig of Music,” on the famous violinist ought Aéataines 66) Ee. to have been conferred the degree of claim, tate the heartof Britain,” retaliation of = alortons mi s0,—the Police Van. Combination Service. Moomnzreur- ERs AND = COTTEES, — “FIDDLE D.D.” Erinyes of Erin.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Fenevany 18, 1888. WHAT OUR ARTIST HAS TO PUT UP WITH. Mr, Alderman Buggins. ‘‘WHAT PRECIOUS BOSH THEY 'RE ALL TORKIN’, WITH THEIR OLD MasTERs AND Ciassicat Mosic ayo sTurr ! Way, I'p SOONER HAVE PAINTRZD ONE O’ YOUR LITTLS Picrvges oy Mopern Lire THAN any TITIAN OR VRLASQUEZ IN THE "OLE Nariowat Gatuery.”—(Our Artist smiles, and thinks Mr. B, may not be such a rank Philistine, after all,.)—“ Anp I'D soONER HAVE composep ‘Two Lovaty Brack Erss’ THAN ALL 'ANDBL AND ’AYon’s OgaToORIO8 PUT TOGETHER!” [Our Artist smiles no longer. THE VOICE OF PEACE. “IT spzax of Peace!” Great Prince, and wherefore not ? Not even you eseape the common lot, Of voeal man in these joquacious days, When Be Son of Silence, deigns to A one bean? talk from his grim comrade’s mouth! Weltins aw towering form,’ that mighty me vr equuegal by endless S-and-B's, Fancy, whose genial current nought can freeze, barossa somehow blends, Bacchus and Bar Thor and the aed of Tht of Thirst. The oration ends, And thunders of applause the Thunderer hail. Like a Thor-hammer-thump on martial mail, Was every vocal stroke of Which never faltered, never = In weakness or in Strength of the lion, ix in that unim It speaks of Peace,—and armaments have Fast at ite ev your by year, at its every utterance year by year, de bene. Voz of the fox, tone. wae | it lashed to i Me ca Who counter menaces and bandy ——— a smile of safety the Those hosts against each other hotly hurled, comme. 7 hence, to-morrow—who shall Will—fight 4 for Peace as you have fought Her frankest friend must slur [foes ? If such her champions, what shall prove her Fancy A. whimsy thoughts such speech A mail-clad shepherd pipin to a flock,— Seattered upon ¥ the hill es and far, Stael-cured wey wandering wolves of Pastoral ditties, ties, scarce seems more absurd. ae for the ie Dove, that emblematic bird, like a game-cock with auxiliar steel, and set for fight from beak to heel, with the mone, 3 hovers with the hawks, Or with the ravens croaks, the vultures stalks. “I speak of Peace !”’ Yes, as the saw-toothed With eye keen watchful, jaw prepared to me > the ote guardian blandly Poor Peace! His wearied eyes a moment, scarcely more, the watch-fire lions rove C.. brands, the quick and esodding prowlers. scare but cannot tame. Sweet Shepherd, little boot these pastoral songs ; (than true wrongs,’ ** They bring smooth comforts false, worse If taken in a too Arcadian sense You do not pipe them for the Cae and dence, ** The still discordant waverin | r Alternate dulcet soft and — y rude, Your accents variously oracu The burden bear of Peace, the rift of War. E’en “the blunt monster with uncounted heads” May hear the iron o' the arméd treads Of *‘ fearfal musters prepared ony oi wert your honeyed These ho mmense Will att for ever chorus “‘ Lovely Peace,” However fugled. No, they never cease, These hymnings of the Olive-branch all round. Curious to hear the voice of War’s red hound Tuned to the friendly house-dog’s cheery bark! But is the foe less near, the night less dark ? Rro Trvto.—If the disturbances in there mines (now, happily for every body concerned, at an end), had continued, the name would have been changed to the Riot In two Mines. Shakspeare Re-versed. **Oxrorp for Lancaster! ”’ (3. Henry VI. 5. 1.) ** Not Lawxezster for Oxford!” Now the line must run. Appropriate, Just Now.—‘'G. O. M.”— ** Good Old Man!”

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Or Ce ee $$$ ER A EL EE i / } / i | ff rT LI eA AID WAITS)! samme wee ee Cn dP ENCE.” Henry the Fourth, Part IT. (Induction). iil Al ‘| / j fy ‘ WOUNDS THE WORLD O BUT ONLY I ’ WH WHILE COVERT ENMITY, MAKE FEARFUL MUSTERS AND PREPARED DEF ENTER BISMARCK. “T SPEAK OF PEACE, UNDER THE SMILE OF SAFETY AND WHO BUT ‘ BISMARCK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI—Fesarvary 18, 1882. “e* WMD) AZ45 apd aga WINE! Ge ceee - FST LIA PEI 7 IFT TT LL hited tee DA TT glee ae LAE ¥ —— tbo ww 27 7 Mingae OOOO OSI ba POL OO em ree oe Oe a —_——»y j hdl /

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er ea ad ae aries eS eS Se et SS eee Se ee

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Fesavany 18, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 81 ROBERT AND CARL ROSA. ~~ ohne & S, hye play, though I doubt if it will ever be : 1. ) : , emphatically, is, that any one Ove “ Roszet” is an awful temper, that is if we may judge of it| wishes to ——y study the art of acting, teal on Mrs, by a brief and hurried note in peneil which he left at our office just | Beawanp Bexar, M. Manivs, and Mr. Hewar Nevitts, in Mrs. the last moment before going to and | CaMPpeLt Paaxp's Ariane, then hurried off before any one could inquire| | It is difficult, though possible, to have too much of a thing, of him what he meant by it. We give the but I must return for one evening to The Wii s Tale at note in extenso:— rity: um, because I read Wiehoar Many Axpanson is leaving ws. “ : ° ‘ ore, who wan see é oug: pidetittt perp Tine, tet Hate inh snnm Wn sl ta ante the Zé ‘Hukken. “Robert the D——l’ stage at present might be described as ungraceful or disgraceful : (wich I tush to menshan) ‘ at the Kort The- Some cuedel ee i It has been said ; ayter.’ Then it goes on a praysin heyrythink but there are some people who will see Doane singing of “ Robert 0 my beloved at the rustic festival (it is all good every ebaged it) Se ee se bar hate | Rts et MG emai rosin tng henge, \. tatered about it. She asks me hoo’s Maddum|y;ovn esa jor, eee . ) Borns, and what she meens by singing of Lyceum and, before she is off to America, catch “Roper, O her beloved Ropext.” Xkuse aste, Yours, Jack-Ln-rae- Box. wich is the konskence of urry cawwrr, as I’m . orf to insult a Solister. More nex week on this subjik. ** Ropert.” EX-AUSTIN. Ir appears from the Tablet that a Correspondent has paid a visit ab to Canterbury on the “ courteous invitation” of Mr. W. J. Austin, PLAY TIME.” er eS bye 8 ee a . “ Att work and noplay makes Jack dull boy,”—and some works to be those of Bt. ‘Thomas of Canterbury.” ° a cllies that he was and some plays I could mention would have the same effect on JACK, | ushered into a drawing-room where he found a complete human for the matter of that,—and so a little play now and then, say an | skeleton ‘‘almost reverently laid out.” ‘ Almost,”—not quite,— occasional teagndy in Feemeenan hate, fo jant Go Oi OS then the skeleton must have;been laid out with something less or, Jack who found the very thing in the dramatic sensatior pro-|than reverence! Further, it ars that the “find of bones” uced last week at the ry Comique —need I say Mrs. CAMPBELL | (‘the find of bones!” ) was in a drawing-room “‘in old times Peaxp’s four-act drama of Ariane. The production of the work is a/a hall.” It has also transpired that the remains were at first laid in sign of the times, and, whether or bad, opens up a discussion, | the dining-room, where they must have been a veritable skeleton at on problems of dramatic Art : moral teaching, not easy of solu-| the feast. It is to be ho that, to conceal their suggestivencss tion. But of this anon—or “in our next””—as it may chanoe. they were not hidden amongst the contents of the cellarette. If this oF ! = oe Die _ ret Mrs. CampBeLt Paaxp. were indood the case (and there is no linstf to ** less than ea reverence |) mee came 1 own inner consciousness— | t t i Vices cen Uae danen Gabe claw Oe adlinen "baad, oe — what Ariane is, the name is happily chosen for its suggestion of Greek humanism. For this English play—not yet to be correctly Gemaibed * foe lish, you ey ~~ . yeas in te grotnel OPERA CROP PROSPECTS, evelopment of the Naturalism o ge,—Nataralism not pure : sagt Wat impure and oomplez "ft" w powerfully interetng |! ums, Wet Mad raat oper fee Gard asd ai drama, played by a set of characters none of whom are conscious of | p.js5_in- Boots in possession of the Lane? Or is it that the stage of their responsibility ny, Powe outside themselves, higher than | Covent Garden Theatre is required at once for the extensive pre- legally authorised tri : : ‘in this play, not to speak it profanely, “‘there is none that dooth | Preiiioc, sheen comet ne See en en oe eel god, aaa the Ob —and yt win, se has any “ knowledge of the | 414 times, and the good old tunes too, of Italian Opera,—" old t but that the authoress has bd riven'us very real types of character, and in order to prevent us far |ORCT, she'wve aut ir Miguame Coors was King of the Winds as possible the objections of the English Pecksniffs and Podsnaps, | and Strings in the orchestra. Already first-rate names are announced and to suit the dish to Philistine taste, she has spiced it with an} «4» stands for Avant, always A 1.” and also for ARNOLDSON, artful dash of subtle foreign flavour by calling her worst villain,—| p,.i+/ the seoundrelly old father,—the Chevalier Valence, and the 7 seoond blackguard, the would-be co-respondent, Sir Leopold d’ Acosta. Bolder and worthier of her would it have been, had Mrs. Rhyme for Ratepayers. Prax called her heroine’s and lover by plain English names. Except that no one can help chuckling at the manner of that ee Mr. Dicote, atrocious old reprobate,—the penny opt mommy played by Sach No e we sigsle, all M. Maxrus—there is nothing to relieve the sadness of the piece. Its ach good news you’ve brought us all round. "Society ” bay tor who > wep accessories “o pictur we | Lh yee eae, »0 like real ‘* Society peop! amusing, , indeed, suc such fic dialogue in the drama as is not essential to its action is tedious, and is a peitay Kesdbel a in tee poe = in —— ors interest omen fe the tator by the ing of the principal characters. . Leonarp Borne, in spite) pyoven ro Darve Ons Wrip!—These “diplomatic changes,” me gy ae ae no peg ge Pel ate eer Lord Lawspowwe to India, vice Lord Dovrenis, Lord Sranver to “lover” = -y av Romedh — = 5 dor enshs ceanticten Canada, Baron De Worms to the seat vacated by Lord Sramcer ; For Mrs. Bernakp BEere as Ariane— not a moral woman, not a re- then changes at the Hague, at Athens, Belgrade, and Rio Janeiro, lisiees @ — id I 1” she says of herself—I have and moving about all round just in the seoond month of the Ye is nothing arn lon Abedintdly her i. tion is faultless. 1/78! eavogh tomele Wuiraker tearhishair; and as for Mr, Hazen can think of no Actress on the English who could even rival who oe just, brought ont le noeial snnuel Oneonta, hia her in this sad, pitiful, miserable te Actress awakes our | 7200, motto is, Avaunt, perp ay Lm Jt ie enough to give him compecsion Ser distance tateus totale. car al that the life of | “ost, [eopone Hoox's Mrs. Ram, randmother to our * Mrs. R., such a woman, who might have been so good true, should have called “a fit of perplexity,” and she added, Luckily there was 6 been so utterly thrown away. Mrs. Brear’s is a realistic perfor- | *2*8°°" present who at once opened bis ven.? How to gst impersonation of the sodden sot of a hasband. 1 do not know in These Diplomatists have no — for poor compilers. They : +. t, wi t the slightest look on such useful works in sort of way that. Prince Bis- exaggeration, is he in all. bm yng ' ~ lls to gall MARCK says he regards the Press, as ‘‘so much printers’ ink. were with this wretch of a husband, the victim of ‘a cruel when he vowed amendment, implored forgiveness, and then Or account of having to dance attendance di the Session in erway ou the team whe cneed tweun bes his wife. But Pace the Dablin at of having to dance, atta T. will terkoowa in fatare rime dle and the inevitable discussion which must arise, and quite understanding | as ‘‘ Mr. Tox-anp-Heacr.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —— [Fesavary 18, 1888, sO Tex © SIR CARDINAL AND KE YS SYED \ — Ws C//) Wh ™ THE BIG BIG “a” MISERY AND ITS MEASURERS. | The Views of Jack Calliper, Operative out of Employ. “There is no doubt that different opinions are entertained with reference to the extent of want of employment, and of the distress which exists. Some allege that it is excessive, and vast in its extent; others that it is no more than is normal and inevit- able in a great town with varying employment.” —Lord Herschell, in introducing to Lord Salisbury at the Foreign Office a Deputation from Earl Comptoss’s Commitice on the existing Distress. Exceptional or normal? Well, you see, ete =~ — vie That migh Tramping long hours throug A. y h London’s frost mire An “Unem ”—no work, no food, nofire, erie | yeakms these great men— Form deputation, talk, but no suggestion et greets my ear Of help innmncdlate’ sencatbe! nd clear. Clear! After reading all say, I find Shes sether game han ener a oor wad Is in a muddle. P. tis cold and hunger makes me dense. WwW o will not warm when chilled in in soul and Sheltered b by some dark entry, arch, or fence, Like birds in winter, half-starved ereatures Or lounge and Jar “About this busy Babylon, * ‘Oct of Work.” p m out, whoever ’s in—that fact is clear ; And careful ** averages,” I greatly fear, Won't mend my trouble. What is the “‘ normal” quantum of distress, | That none need fuss about, | cannot guess. Whether ’tis what now reigns, or 7 e, less, dou The sum of last year’s woe, or » oF HERSCHELL may ask, I have no heart, my Masters, for the task. It may not be ‘‘ exceptional,” perhaps, That many nds of us labouring cha find no labour. GoscHEN may see in ea oye No end of “ intellectual in ; I know there ’s misery in —— na home-nest, That in in that misery I have many a neigh- ” And that’s enough To make me sick of mere statistic stuff. When Satispvry was out he held, I think, That it was Government's duty not to shrink ps Tis time the tackling business should begin. But I aT” he finds—how “Outs” will That tie of office area trifle sbackling— At least, it seems He holds his own old promises wild dreams, Then he “* would do his utmost to promote” aaaltig relief works. Worth But is he planning out of those same views? to heresy he must refuse, And with a sneer he’s down upon poor @ Help on whose pattern Weald caly do ix Jegiter ox Galena. There ’s no such difficult subject, so he says, The Cardinal’s “‘ humanity” ’s a craze. To think of more law the a fits Fall fer upon the That blessed thi That to distress lends its most dreaded sting! And 7 yh And Caste?, To seek the Of mlery & in cold hearts and callous laws, Mere Mammon-clautching, Sweaters and speculators, slaves of sport, Dives = lest the banqu Court Stinte 6 e’en the crumbs,— Cabinet, Charen, end Will tell us there be themes that won’ t bear touchin The State they ’d fire. No,—we a consult our colleagues,” we'll **inguire.”’ Enquion, ingeiee, my Masters! And mean- “ae ’s face must stare, and Till inquest formal pe if the Distress that momoces heap Means over- lation, failing Our = ra untrift, Meg = "foreign And shether, after all, ’tis more than “‘ nor- Who’d fear to fall {mal.” Crushed by a Curse that’s ‘‘ not excep- . Pr” b dye A we — * natural right,” or not, o anything our burial To life, or 1 pom Our masters do not seem at all agseed, Some hold that the sharp pinch of utmost need, Gives to the starving valid right to feed, sea claim upon his happier neigh- run * Others again, . Oppose the idea with all their heart—or brain. ** Headless and heartless !” cries the Cardinal; Then on him tooth and nail the pundits fall; He’s “* sentimental,” A my caps all crime, and that must - cea ” down on romaine *s good our ering, Seem someting absolutely incidental ! ‘oor’s mn gf May one day doubt thy right, divine Society! Thy right divine to tax our toil and tears, For some unknown “ infinity of years,” e base, ramid w spreading crushed helote of our race ; Is raised by Wealth crowns the lofty peak with gold soi Beware my, Mastrs, la, like a new Babel, Headlong it When misery sarily ats * “exceptional!” —_

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— Fesavary 18, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIL. UNEMPLOYED! Tax PLAINT oF A Pretty GIRL. [A writer on Fashions says that Bridesmaids lished are to be aboli J Hymen! The Bridesmaid abolished ? Grthn Crvilisation 's yed out! All is up with the and Make wa for O "s A Bri id perchance A bridal bouquet have to Be armed by some Dots x Make one of the beautiful bevy Who flocked round the altar in white ; But this last piece of news is so heavy It darkens our last of light. a fe Gos Church and the fees | m e up my mind, I’m i —_? a afraid, f dowdy Old Maid. The Bridesmaid abolished P Then banish Bright eye, ruddy lip, slender waist! Let feminine vanity vanish— Love, ny aes gloves, and good For what is the use of such matters, If Hymen is out of the hunt ? If men, who are as Ifthe world, in a mood suioida, the world, in a ici With hone utter! ed, Resolves to abolish the Ad And leaves Pretty Girls “‘ Unemployed ’ ’ AN IMPERIAL CATECHISM. Intended for the use of the Mystified Colonist, ** RESPONSIBILITY.” Grandmamma (quoting last School Report). ‘** Loux !—InsvBoRDINATE !—PLAYING Tavarr |’ Os, Hexsert! I was sHOCKED TO HEAR THIS! AND YOUR Para AND MAMMA, HOW DiIs- + | PRESSED THEY MUST HAVE BREN!—AND YOU THEIR ONLY CaILD Too! WaEn you ovonr, ON THAT ACCOUNT, TO BE ALL THE MORE A COMFORT TO THEM.” Herbert. *‘Om ves, Gran’ma’, '8 ALL VERY Fine! Bor 1's RATHER ROUGH ON A Fe. LOW TO HAVE TO BE 80 JOLLY Goop For A LoT oF Bro’ens AN’ Sis’'RS HE HASN'T GoT!!” will go down to South Kensington for the purpose of specting some specimen ber, corn, wool, or even furnitare, not produced by the country, and will be much edified by his visit. Q. And do you think that eth» pee fi , if realised, will largely the ‘‘ knitting more closely Cos thes we unite various parts of the Empire” that A. No. Honest T cannot say that I think it will. Q. But there is allusion made to “‘ Special Exhibitions,” which will be annually, with a reference to the fact that “ they to be selves” from the taken at the doors. As the pu few second-hand Maps and products, can you conceive what the Committee have in their eye to propose, with a view to drawing a

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4 | scheme organised for the sarge of“ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Feervary 18, 1888 AN EYE FOR PROPORTION. “Comm IN AND HAVE some Luxoa, Proressorn. My Husnanp WILL LEwp vou A Parr oF Taovusers, IF YOURS ARE WET.” “My pear Mas. Pornytz! Wary, I'm iwice your Hussann’s size!” “Two Pars THEN!” A. No. 1 own that the problem is one that has fairly puzzled me. Q. I am not surprised. Do you think, however, they will again have recourse to the Coloured Lights, Mili Bands, nercl tea-garden attractions of the good old ‘“ South | ” times, or that, failing the outdoor accommodation for such a pro- gramme, they will fall back upon some well-considered scheme, that would at one and the same time maintain to a certain degree the dignity of the Institute and yet tickle the public taste ? A. Yes, now that I come to reflect u the matter, I should ssy they would decidedly do this, and probably inaugurate their experi- ment with at a series of appropriate dissolving views accom- panied possibly by a comic song or two for the purpose of investing the whole with a little lively interest. They might even introduce judiciously a little Nigger Minstreley. ’ Q. That is an excellent suggestion. May I ask what has induced you to make it ? A. Certainly. I noted that the name of the Archbishop of Yorx figured prominently among of the distinguished but hetero- geneous crowd of tlemen who constitute the Organising Com- mittee. I naturally associated his Grace with that sombre and re- spectable form of recreation that is characteristic of the dissolving view. Q. And the introduction of the ‘‘ comic or two,” and ‘the little Nigger Minstrelsy,” to which you ref ? A. Was inepired by seeing the name of the Lonp Maror. Q. Quite so, You refer, however, to the names of the members of the Organising Committee, and you have doubtless read some of them with astonishwent, if not with pleasure. Can you tell me, for figure on the list? A. No; I cannot for the life of me imagine any conceivable reason why it should. Q. You de not reeognise any connection by which the discharge of hia fonctions a the acknow head, of the artistio world in country mar out i as a fitting representative of a are more closely the ties the President of the Royal Academy should | Boy which unite the various parte of the Em A. No; I most certainly do | as a little bit ‘ mixed” ? Q. Then you regard the constitution of the Organising Committes A. Yes, as I do their ideas of the undertaking they are orgs. nising as a little bit ‘‘ muddled.” Q. And you do not look very hopefully on either the near o remote prospects of the ‘* Imperial Institute ” ? A. No, Icannot say that Ido. I regard it in the present as a big. sounding name, meaning nothing, to conjure with, and nothing more, Q. And what effect do you think, when fairly started” it is likely to have on the Colonist of the fature. A. I should say that, when fairly started, it would mystify him considerably. OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. No, no, Paul Patoff won't do after Marzio’s Crucifiz., It may or may not compare favourably with Mz. Marton Cravrorp’s other novels with which I am unacquainted, but it is a novel so distinctly inferior in style and construction to Marzio’s Crucifiz, that it might have been {\ written by a different hand. It begins capitally, and the interest \))||| of the story is well sustained up f to the discovery of ‘‘my long lost brother” without the ‘strawberry |,]), mark on his left arm”; but after this |,})/})) it is, as it were, one long anti-climax. - Of Marzio’s Crucifiz you can, ind you must, read every line, but with : Paul Patoff the habitual novel-reader may take plenty of exercise in the way of skipping almost all the pages where he does not ree any dialogus leading up toa situation, 4 propos of dialogue, Pro- fessor Cutter’s opinion (whether it be the author’s or not. I cannot pretend to say) on “‘ puns”’ might have pleased Dr. Samvet Jouy- sox, but would not have been considered flattering by SHaxsPxanz, A mere punster who_is perpetually punning in season and out of season, is, of course, as great a nuisance as the stupid person who has got by heart a considerable portion of SmaxsPEaRE's plays, and who interrupts every conversation with inopportane quota- tions; but such puns as Suerrpan, Hoox, Hoop, and, in our own time H. J. Byron could make, were mirth-moving, and frequently the occasion of their utterance gave the word-play all the condensed force of a neatly-turned satirical epigram. ‘‘ Those who cry out against the play on words as an unnatural and affected invention,” says Scuiece. on the jeux de mots of SHAK*PEARE, “only betray their own ignorance of original nature.” The characters, including this Professor, who is unintentionally a bore, are not drawn with a Manion Cravrorp-like touch, vigorous and incisive, but are rather ordinary puppets from the stock-in-trade of the professional novelist. They are not Craufordian figures, but common Marionettes. The Author of By Virtue of his Office, writes to say that he did not make his Miss Verity claim to be the author of The Children's Cry in one of Mr. Punch’s numbers, but that when this young lady blushingly owns the soft impeachment of having written some- thing, at all events, in the particular issue alluded to in the novel, she didn’t mean The Children’s Cry by one of Mr. Punch's dear clever Boys, but the poem in which there was as much soul as in Baownine's Cry of the Children. 1 hope this is perfectly clear to somebody, _ he second volume of the Henry Invine Shakspeare, which is being iseued by Messrs. BLacxre, is just out. Unfortunately | was “just out” when it arrived, and could only glance at its contents on my return to office. The illustrations by | mae Browse seem to me excellent compositions, dramatic, bat not theatrical. The ponte! annotations, prefaces, histories, and explanations, are by r. Frawx MARSHALL, assisted by Mr. P. Z. Rounp, so that, as Mr. Marton Cravrorn’s Professor Cutter might say, “' we have the etements and facts duly Marshalled, and the result should be good ound,” I've read two out of the Four Ghost Stories, by Mrs. MoLesworts. The first is commonplace ; I’ve known the ghost of that old lady = oe epppen-anean a Jenne, oy Mrs. MoLeswortH’s come of ** brushing t a ghost on stairs,” suggests a new sensation ; otherwise it did not make my flesh creep, as immortal ‘ Fat Boy in Pickwick” said—(fancy a set of ghost stories by the Fat !)—and as to the second story,— well, it before. I began the third Ghost Story last night, but the interest it, a up to the sixteenth was not sufficient to keep me rag) up to finish the tale. Just wait till I bring out my Haunted House with ten Ghost Storeys and a Lift! that will make your bair stand on end like quills—no, like steel pens in the ‘‘ reversible pen- cleaner,” a most useful invention, by the way. More in; my next, unless press of business com Gather itle Whe Will net Hen Natya, ar5 29 ARON "pz Boox Worms. |' To this rule S> NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will hen accompanied be there will be by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. me to transfer some odd volumes to}

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i —_——— ~on™s ws te Sweet lat Se eS =- tS @ fe re e- & eon" =e en er See hme SS |S Se eS eee See” eS SF

INAHAN’S a. ~6=©6WWHISKY. WHOLESOME, PRIZE MEDAL, OUBLIN EXHIGITION, 1608, 1 TITCHFIELD STREET, LONDON, ¥. PEASE’'S DARLINGTON of VERE OLD cH WHISKEY ads me Te, te, 2 OS: none i¢ genu' — % ite, the 12 years old, at 42s., 45s dozen. re menpie dotile, 2, Ada, 34: 94.,0F 40. 24., rail fee, rb tiesiy name this PFASE, 50N, & (0,, Dantiseron. -EASHAW & GO’S|é * PINEST OLD is ren in Cases ur ©, senaeon 8 Oe chemt Street, W.

8. JOHNSON & SONS, ATH-ON-DEARNE, YORKES, Eer. A.D. 1799. URKE"S oom snsoe OK Ie WHISKEY, MOST DELICATE WHISKEY IM THE WORLD, BOTTLED I¥ DUBLIN. SAMPLE (One Dosen) CASH sent from Dublin, Carriagé paid, to any in the United Kingdom. PRICE 42 PER OASE, E.& J. BURKE, DUBLIN.

MADE WITH BOILING WATER. PPS’S CRATEFUL—COMFORTING, O0COAE MADE WITH BOILING MILK.

bette to-day of PERRY DaXis’ PAIN t ume the Oldest, Best, and most iy mes mein the World. Iti ee Severe Bc cataa ir ~ 4 Heeds Soy 3, burns, eodac en = ine ree Le mbs. and ail Neura gic A Chemist can supple it at Viteea eae “GEN, cOUGH,— Rog ya AE & Bon, |

JAMES] YRUM.- “— ness, Hari Taste in the Mouth, Created Tongue, i @ Ride, and onstipation om Dlewt Poarte

eater EVERY REQUISITE yor Thx STABLE and HARNESS ROOM TO be GuEN AT

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Fesavary 18, 1888.

BY ROYAL LETTERS PATENT. ERENENENE VENTED f ’ ' \ CAUTION. Be sure and see you get the POTTER Brace, which is stamped with the word “* Potter” an the ae Wholesale only, 16 and 17, Cheapside, E.C. The ABSOLUTE PELFEC- TION of a BRACE. SIM- PLICITY, STRENGTH, and «= EASE attained WITHOUT ELASTIC by means of COVERED SPIRAL SPRINGS, the special covering pro- ecting the clothing from PASTA MACK & TRAFALGAR So LONDON, ENG, —_o— FINEST SITUATION EVERY LUXURY ss COMFORT. MosT RécHencut CUISINE. ENE VE any possible injury. - VERY MODERATE : LL LAA Le

Yantantantany’ EARTSETT wes Guae Gunn Gunneen § Ssensham “geting Ii Of afl Dealers in Fancy (:cods throughost the Werll, Herbert Fitch & Co.. 90. Bury St. Londo, EC

Over Again; "tis the POTTER! nnriva’led to stand any strain. “ Po on Ng-r Poa ~ a —_ Pre — P. MOOTH, FOFT, and WHITE ss t weather. Butirely removes and ‘eo tee ROUGHNZSS, a, TION, @e., | auc Parssaves the 6a _m the a “= vi FrRostT, . hy “ND i WATER, % Bottles, le and ts . Bree for 34. extra by Iho nole Makers WELTHAM & 60 , Chemists, Cheltenham. 5 1 OVELY TEETH, use PURE CONCENTRATED COCO Prepared by a new and special scientific process, securing extreme solubility and developing the finest flavour of the Cocoa.

LES A. CAMERON, M.D.—"I W. H. BR. STANLEY, —*I consider i mA Cocoa that I like so’ well. It is | very rich, delicious Cocos Cocoa. “tie ene et | ted to th b a ti tl ‘ore economical especially adap ose whose digestive organs are | and there naa ae PREVENTS DECAY OF THE TEETH. . PURIFIES THE BREATH. Leaves the mouth in a state of

delicious and durable freshness. GOLD MEDALS PARIS, BRUSSELS, LONDON, &>. 2s. he la, Gd, Be, and be. 64; Tooth Paste, ts. éd., and $e. alt Prayowsas o8 Cuemists. Wholesale only: 51, FRITH STREET, LONDON, W. weak, and I strongly recommend it as a substitute for | drink per making.”’ tea for young persons.”’ EB. BUCKNILL, M.D., &c.—“ Your Pure Con- eentrated Cocos is s0 oxtremely nice that I have ordered it for family use, and I shall certainly recommend it to my patients.” J. WYB - OLPHERTS uD find it the most le beverage of the the Kind | ever tas: both in flavour and odour, wholesome and easy of $6 PRIZE MEDALS AWARDED TO J. S. FRY & SONS, BRISTOL, LONDON, and SYD CHOCOLATE MAKERS TO THE QUEEN AND PRINCE OF WALES. Pen oy Wi es i ign ta Eathn, al RS GS i Be oA Be Rede Ws are ae

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On February 28th, THE NEW EDITION Price 12/6 Baanecry, Acwew, & Co., Bouverie St., ac. OUR RIVER G BD. LESLIE, R. With all the Original Illustrations by THE AUTHOR, H. 8. MARKS, B.A., & F. WALKER, and several others entirely new by THE AUTHOR, BRITON RIVIERE, B.A., and FRED. WALKER. > aS h N oe val dys oO MEAN N® 2433. VOLUME THE NINETY-FOURTH. —~— FEBRUARY 25, - Se as . ane aah 6) 2.2) SE SSA te ft > gs is 3 PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET. AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS. oe Mr. Punc f 4a ™ My ¢ = y _s é v, . ee fy, ih ney! iid avy PX The SECOND VOLUME, containing 320 CARTOONS, will be Ready on the 28th inst., Price 136. Z3Au¥HL 301d “39ON3d h’s Victorian Era\ at the General Post Office as a Newspaper.)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Fasrvary 25, 1888. _wmall 4to, cloth, 10s 64. each, E HENRY IRVING SHAKESPEARE. Vdited by RSME IRVING anf FRANZ A. MARSHALL, and lilustrated by GORDON BROWNE etus, Post Pree, on application BLA Ik & 8ON, @e %, Od Batley DR. SMILES'S WORKS. | LIFE AND LABOUR; or, en! racteristics of Men of Industry, Talent, ent | Genius. «©. Just published MEN OF INVENTION AND JAMES. NASMYTH, ENGI- | WEER: As Aatitegraghy. "with Portrait end © Li)ustraw SELF-HELP. | THRIFT. CHARACTER.| DUTY. INDUSTRIAL BIOGRAPHY. at OF GEORGE STEPHEN. ote, Vite, E ont to be completed tm Quarteriy V. LIVES OF THE ENGINEERS. Iustrated. 6 LIFE OF THOMAS EDWARD, THE eceves PASURALISE. lilustrated by Garon kh JOHN MURRAY, Albemaric Street “OUR NEIGHBOURS.” PARTRIDGE & COOPER, __ 192, FLEET STREET. THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY ESTABLISHED 1825. Accumulated Fund, 63 Millions Stg. et fo ~ » EDINBURGH, 8 George St. (Head Office) LONDON, 83 King William Street, E.C. eo 8 Pall Mall East, 8.W. FOR PROTECTION LNIWLSIANI P DURLIN, 66 Upper Sackville Street. Branches & Agencies in India & the Colonies. ASSURANCE COMPAN} ‘; BEAD Oxgices CHOCOLAT MENIER. FOR BREAKFAST. AWARDED 82 PRIZE MEDALS. ANNUAL CONSUMPTION EXCEEDS 25,000,000 Ibs. SOLD RETAIL EVERYWHERE. BY ROYAL LETTERS PATENT. | SAMUEL BROTHERS. is unrivalled for STRENGTH and + EASBE and SIMPLICITY of CONSIRUCTION, “ Not for an age, but for all time,” that ‘ou obtain THE ss NE * POTTER” ae Wholesale only, 16 and 17, ee EC, ROUGHAM-HANSOMS, B for private use, with Indiarubber Tyres and Cee Springs. The nest exquis te Hansom built. Bither open or closed. Light, roomy, and elegant. Sole Huilders and Patentees, INO. MARSTON & CO., Bradford Street, Birmingham. Drawings free On sale at Baker Street Bazaar, London. which a the word Porrea on the Buckie :— Boys’ Schoo! Outfits. Messrs. SAMUEL BROTHERS have ready for immediate use a very large as- sortment of Hors’ and Yourus’ Ciors- me. They will also be pleased bd send, Gentiemen, Boys, or Tadies, together with their new Ituvsrmatep CaTa- woovr, containing about ae. =. mgs. ee details sof the various departments, wi Price Lists. &c. Memrs. SAMUEL BROTH ERS’ “Wear - Resisting” Pabrics (Regd.) are especially adapted for Kors Haap Wras. SAMUEL BROTHERS, MERCHANT TAILORS, OUTFITTERS, &c., 65 & 67, Ludgate Hill, Lonpon, E.C. ASPINALL'S ENAMEL. ee _" ogg: hey USEFUL. Surface like Porcelain. For ‘Indes + ~y “Outd © Work, for Renovating Everything. Sold every whe re. Tins, Post Pree, ls. 64. and Ss. Asrinatye’s Exauet onus, Le ondon. QLD VINTAGE PORTS. 1861, 1863, 1865, 1868, 1870, 1872, &c. GUARANTEED. 8S. JOHNSON & SONS, WATH-ON-DEARNE, YORKS. Ker. A.D. 179. qssovare 'EOINBURGELS ES UD NDI OXFORD.-MITRE He ONE OF THE MOST FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE LSet LFRACOMBE, Devonshir, I a desirable MBE, Prt i lace for mild, i Roce and ary climate sey . inn eteorc 1a. OC) ‘’ d. ture for Nov. "Jan. Feb, vA = Te for ditto, 80: Tovae toe vrded Tempe ditto, wo (once onl At Nice, South * for same period pe a © Fog THE MA MATRIMONIAL HERALD esiginn ad ~- 4 ~~ —— for linn Introductions. The largest and mot = Matrimonial Agency in the ty Pree envelope, 444 ~~ Editor, #0, Lambs street, London, W. CHOICE VE GETABLES THE YEAR Ay ND CASH - Swit we C BOX TESTEDvecenaeSEN A MARVEL OF CHEAPNESS AND, Bs QUALITY ice & > ae Ry 23 as SEALED amhastd 3H GH HOLBORN LOND) ROSES Well rooted, many sh ooted, truly named, of miu vigorous growth, and of the best kinds Buia 8s. per doz., 60s. per 100. Standards, lb. per i, 105s. per 100. Packing and Carriage Free fr with Order. These World-famed Koses candil to give the Greatest Satisfact DESCRIPTIVE LISTS of above and & on application :— Fruit Trees, a ing Shrubs 8s. per doz.), Clematis (lls ug doz.), Roses in Pots (18s. to 36s. per des rr ceous and Alpine Plants (a good t — doz., 258. per 100), Vines (3s. 64. t ta Greenhouse Plants, Forest Trees, ‘Seeds — SEED VEGETABLE, FLOWER, ani FARM, of a lutely un surpassed quality, at moderate pres. ILLUSTRATED LISTS, containing copiow a resting and reliable information, Free RICHARD SMITH & Gl, WORCESTER. _ > aN MAPPIN & WEBB SPOONS & FORKS HOPING coucH. L— ROCHE The = Giotente yon thou mie bow i ont Victoria Street (iormerly of 67, 5t Paul's Coat yard). Sold by most Chemists." Yrice 4 per 05 GOLDER _2RORZE HAIR- ben Pog A vr Foncee aa® > cout ns * ony by W Win r 3, 2 Oxtord 6, = Price Ss. 64., For tinting gre & Hair EINE B ta invalenble. TD EVERY Requisite FoR THE STABLE HARNESS BO TO BE SEEN AT MARTINGALE ’S, 194, Piccadilly (Priset

Page 147

Fesrvary 25, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 85 THE DEBATE ON THE ADDRESS. THE REAL GRIEVANCE OFFICE. (Before Mr. Commissioner PuNCH. ) A Newspaper Proprietor introduced. Commissioner. Well, Sir, what can I do for you? Witness. I would you to assist me in amending the libel laws. C. Certainly, if they are unfair. But first, of what have you to complain ? -Byewis allow me, I will tell you first what we consider just, ‘and then what we feel to be unjust. 3 It en e have not the slightest objection to any statute that really BD. the — from unwarrantable and unjustifiable attacks i in the columns of a 0 has the It is manifestly to the interest of every journalist who has lend every assistance to aienity of his profession at heart, to 4 y scurrilous publications. C. Yes. nd yon think thet the foal laws go further than this ? W. Unquestionably. Their present condition is such as to offer a direct incitement to et os and needy adventurers to oe mence frivolous actions the obvious purpose of respectably conducted journals, for black ma ttions the & | ned one of the Judges remarked branch of the most important C. I faney Mr. Justice W. I think so, and Mr, Hintice Dar halivered bineself of words to the same effect. But these actions which come into Court form but a fraction of the total number of proceedings either commenced or threatened. In many are initiated by instances lative solicitors, who tok for their r in the costs they o tain, PO py Ye columns of various with a view g ou’ be productive proceedings. —— Reali be of libel Wr That sae that poe pn em There is a case on record in which an action was avoid further litigation. C. But surely ~ oe he i M Roe the meek disquieting effect. Many tte fo yt ye to he would gain his cause, p/us costs, fom the plaintiff who b been so unwise as to sue him But suppose that in is 0 Poe what —" ~- has the unfortunate de see Well, what do you suggest your point. plaintiff is a man of straw, without a penny fendant then ? Wiad maitre may be made better by the pssing of «Bll, in troduced by Sir Arczrwow Borrawick, and 28th on come on for the present month. C. What are the provisions of this measure ? W. 1. The extension of absolute privilege to accurate reports of seems in every way reasonable. I hope it is W. It is backed in the Commons by such representative men as Mr. Jom Mortey, Mr. Lawson, Mr. Jewnmvas, Dr. Cameron, and Sir Atsert Roturr. I am glad to say that Mr. Dwyer Gray (a distinguished member of the Nationalist party) is also giving the waqgtize a most cordial C. Good! With such So yh So BM, & chenld bo yased without any difficulty. ean I do for W. I should be very glad if you would Kindly inform th pubic that Sir ALezRNon’s measure does not in any way lessen the respon- sibility of proprietors to their newspapers oom real libel, Se om vexatious prosecution and conse- quen' C._ I will see that the matter is mentioned in the r quarter. [The Witness, thanking the Commissioner for his courtesy, then" withdrew. THREE VIEWS OF JUSTICE. In EncLanD.—Prisoner before a Police Magistrate. 5 Please, nl om. Worship, I wish to tell you that—— trate. Stop, hear no from you without warnin you 7 t anything you say may be down in writing ond weed against you at your Pris, But, I must insist that I really did do—— Mag. No, no, I refuse to hear you! It is contradictory to the best traditions of our law, that you should incriminate yourself. Pris. But I insist that it was I who—— Mag. Silence! I will not hear you! I tell you that you are doing yourself harm. It is the aim of Justice to eo eens ene in England a chance of getting off, whether guilty or not guilty pt. Betis io ast a quedien et guilty or not guilty. T frankly ‘e88—— Mag. Confess! The man must be mad! Let him be removed. Jw France.—Prisoner before a Juge. Prisoner. I can assure Monsieur that I 4m innocent. Juge. Pig! Scoundrel! Liar! | ian But I am not a liar, for I say I did not commit the crime. mS I will not hear you ‘tell such @ deliberate untruth! It is a P oT Mone I protest — ris, But, Monsieur, Ju Pe Did you not say when we dined together that you had done = No; Monsieur, a thousand times, no! Juge. But I say a thousand times, yes! There was a shorthand writer taking _—_ our confession, concealed beneath the table. Pris, Oh, m r! Juge. It is 0 po service to you to appeal to your mother! Your meee has a scoundrel for her son! ris Judge. » 2 need not pn ar od we i ove ym ‘ou nothing! Pris, But at least tell me when a confession ? Judge. After you had taken F bottles of brandy, and were a i to wind up your watch with a corkscrew. t him be remov In Urop1a.—Prisoner before a Representative of Common Sense. Prisoner. To avoid cupenee and anxiety I wish to confess. Representative. Certainly I will not stop you, if you are suffering from —- hysteria nor ALS Pris, 1 am perfectly sane, and was never calmer in my life. Rep. fine you witnesses who can corroborate your statements ? Pris. Assuredly. But not only this, erin I did connected with this sad affair was in the presence of parties. Rep. Very well. Let him be removed, Mr, Punch’s Congretulations to Two Rising Young Men. Mr. ome, the i ecclesiastical counsel, has “‘ taken silk.”’ in Court were always delivered in a taking ait he .oc now ‘2.0, and will in future fill the role of E Fort Youn. Premier.” Mr. Memes Wassses S ps G6. ity wert, 96 Gooengvich in relieving the erers g a time of exceptional distress, shows what excellent stuff this new Silk is made. . The poor in his district, who may not have so far availed themselves of the School Board’s kind offices as to This is a MonTAcv, our riend,” may time to come as ‘*‘ The Divine WiriaMs.’ Mr. Mowracu WiuitiaMs “‘ deserves Quite so: but he himself says, ‘‘ No Cnarm or A Scorcn Smoxine Concent.—The Pipes.

Page 148

a PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. (Fesavary 25, 188 | ———__ KIND UNCLE SARUM. Yj ; yy; , y | / | (p —_— — ‘ “ att Uncle Sarum. “‘Tugne, Micky, MY BOY, DON’T TOUCH THAT NASTY JAM, IT'LL MAKE YOU IN SUCH A MESS: AND HERE'S A NICE Siicze or PuppIXG TO sTOP YOUR MOUTH WITH!” Ou, what stories they ’ve told of you, Micky, my boy, ’Tis merest moonshine to their side to incline, Chey who wish Tory troops all disbanded ! You must be a regular daisy. That in G. O. M. Jam you can take any jo : They ll just “‘ wipe your eye,” if their stickjaw you try. +r That by sugared decoys you are “ Pit Arrah, Micky, now, can’t you be aisy ? _ —— =, J com, my dear Mick, is a sham, With me and brave Arraur what times you have spent. ae ie Ww king the bi t success, too. What, you cock an eye at his cupboard? Oh, fie! ee eee wegen mb ape ’ ; : With that sickly stodge you can ne’er be content ; Come, Micky dear, can’t you be aisy ? It will make you in such a fine mess, too. I tell you, dear boy, you are at the wrong jar. Lean to W. G.? That’s all fiddle-de-dee. Try_my Sweets, they ’re the true Sweets—of Office. I know you’re not greedy, or lazy. This Cabinet Pudding is nicer by far Try this lovely plum-duff ; it is really prime stuff. Than Dame GLappy’s treacles and toffies. cin in, Micxr, and then take it aisy!

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| | Fepavary 25, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Long years, Micky mine, in the cold Tories passed, Till they asked Uncle Sanum to lead them. With brave ARTHUR we ’ve risen to glory at last. Rads tempt you, dear Mick! Do not Turn, turn from their cupboard ; Who keeps it, is wicked, and crazy. Don’t linger, don’t look! On the G. 0. M.'s Dear Macey, you could net be alay! (Hubbard, hook, LENTEN DISCOURSES. | remarkable in a gouty voli | new truth in a re- i might be expected, obeyed, r/ ty subject of be cured of the —~ | in toe- | nearly everything, in order to | his patients, Dr. | Gouty Persons in the oy. | Fair” once dwelt, namely, “* | Square”"—if still existing. perhaps, but none the worse for omitted, which is, in the words o Punch cures the gou The colic and the phthisic. In fact so efficacious has the remedy been in mentioned case that the latest dictionary marks the word , ewe gout, forsooth! suppress it al ° BSON becoming the order of the Roose’s antigouty (or aee-l-genty menus are su e all others, as, par excellence, ‘‘ diners a la Roose.” might start a ity where “‘ Scrvsrpa the loomsb evening, and A Cask TO WHICH A BARRISTER oBJECTS.—A Fee- nominal one. Sus Poncu-anp-Jupicgz.—We trust he will be found ‘a Good ‘ Templer,’ ” after all. A FAILURE! Trish Contributor (at a “' check”), ‘By tam Powrrs—'wisn I HADN'T BOUGHT THis Toyrz-WRITER-R—'T CANN’T SPELL A BIT!” EXPERIENTIA DOCET. _ Tae Vicar of Sheffield has been trying a new departure. Having interested himself in procuring work for the Unemployed, in order to test its quality he has taken a turn in the Stone-yard himself He appears not cularly to have relished the experiment, yet, as a contemporary pointed out, it seems to be one that might be imitated with much advantage in many quarters. Fancy SaLIsBURY, for instance, yy testing the working of the Coercion Acts by pees twenty-four hours, with a plank-bed thrown in, in an Irish 1; or Sir Cuartes WARREN, purposely disguised as a Trafalgar Square loafer, summarily run in by one of his own irrepressible underlings ; or, for the matter of that, imagine Mr. GLapsTowE serene’ in Ireland by mistake by his National League friends, who, ing to his teaching, don’t know the meaning of the word “‘ outrage,” and never have recourse to it at all. The fact is, most men have a great deal to say upon matters con- cerning which have no sort of experience whatever. What does “G.,”” the dent Times Correspondent, know about the pre- vailing distress? Precious little, at least the smallness of the quantity makes it precious. It is for the teaching and enlightening of such outsiders that the recent conduct of the Vicar of Sheffield calls for i For his turn at the Stone-yard he deserves the best thanks of all those who are earnestly interested in finding some solutions for the many staggering and per- plexing questions that are just now occupying public attention. A NOTE AND A QUERY. Taree were three first-rate speeches on the occasion of the and Musical Sick Fund Dinner at the Métropole last Wednesds a8 there could not very well help being, with young Mr. thee ae ~_= to ams, ont , | wy and x moar Cony on egs. e qui wi e general sentimen ere ex- Pressed, that all these Theatrical and Masical Funds should be amalgamated in ‘one great whole.” At present it egpests there is of this particular charity, whose the Chairman, are at a very low ebb. “make amends,” are at & very. and mark che Turn’ of the Tide T is only:‘one question, ; | afternoon or evening gathering, with which we ask in no i t, with regard to all charitable banquets, and that is, Is ’ ie feed” 7 necessary to insure attendance, do “{ subscriptions? It is, of course, ‘so English, you know.” But would it not be a custom ‘more haateed in the breac in their places, cost far less, and money which would otherwise howe Dose spel se the eating and drinking should of course go to replenish the coffers of the fund’ Is the argumentum ad stomachum essential? It ought not to be. Are there no other means by which a still more satisfactory result may be obtained, except by these fare methods? BAG AND BAGGAGE. “ The Office of Petty Bag, worth eight hundred pounds per annum, is now extinct, and will not be filled up.” —Daily Paper. FAREWELL, you antique Puzzle, ; Or did he argue day and night lef "| "With folk who failed to see That filling Petty Bags was not A petty y? Perchance a “lucky bag” he A man to children dear ; Or did he awe a Court of Law Whene’er he did appear ? Ite strings are left untied ; One relic more of days of yore Cast ruthlessly aside ! t For modern times to guess ; Yours was a post which seemed to bear The stamp of foolishness! Why “Petty”? To explain it all Imagination flags; Was there another, one ? In fact, a “* pair of bags” ? Oh, did he over Royal jinks A mystic glamour cast ? Or did he “‘ travel” for his bread, This bagman of the past ? A function? Did he ; [fill | Eight hundred is ‘after Oct « petty “bag”! What was his Daily that Petty Bag ? If so, with what material— With rock, or stone, or slag ? Someruine tixe “ A Sportine Panson,”—The Cuarrin ot the Jockey Club.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Fesrvary 25, 1888, GRANDOLPHIAN RUMOURS. Culled from the Continental Press. _Loxp RKaspoira CavRcHiLt ap THe Czar.—Still tions are now forthcoming which put the nature of farther the great free- handed English politician’s negotiation: at St. Petersburg beyond a doubt. mae ne the signal by taking Vienna by a coup de main, a combined Anglo-Russian Fleet will bombard Constantinople, and several Mediterranean ports. This will bring Germany into the field, and give France her p mad to cross the frontier. She will be assisted in this by England, who throwing 250,000 men into Belgium, and as many more as she can spare into the Baltic provinces, will wheel down on to Berlin from the North. A re-division of Euro: will be the result, in which half of Germany and the whole of the Balkan States will disappear altogether. His Lordship has not yet communicated his scheme to Lord Sarispury, but he is confident that, though not exactly on the lines of his traditional policy, he will “talk him into it’’ in less than ten minutes. Lorp Rawpotpn CuvurcHmi anp THE Granp LiamA oF Tureet.—The distinguished English statesman, it is now confi- dently reported, met the great Asiatic potentate, who happened to be paying a visit the other day to Moscow in disguise. animated —ae is said beds ny = be ng the Irish 2 oe , in which the Llama ap a lively interest, last Report of the London School Board, the over route to China, and the booking for the Drury Lane Pantomime were exhaustively di On his Lordship promising to secure the Llama at the Westminster Aquarium in the event of his ever payi to London, the latter undertook to settle the little di that has recently arisen at Sikkim, and the meeting terminated on sides with an expression of the most cordial sentiments. Loxrp Rawpotpn CaURCHILL, AND THE Kine or THE CANNIBAL Istanps.—The clever and enterprising British di ist was intro- duced to His Majesty yesterday, and the interview is said to have been in every way satisfactory, the King, on the conclusion of the palaver, insisting on investing the "dutinguished statesman in question with a collar human noses. A commercial treaty, poantios reciprocal advan , including the right of natives to ave the free run of the sou shores of the Isle of Wight, where they shall be at liberty to devour each other, the local ° or other inhabitants, was rapidly drawn up, and Lord Ranpotrx warmly expressed his confidence that the Premier would sanction its signature with cordial enthusiasm. Lorp Ranpotpa CHURCHILL AND THE Presip OF THE Frenca Kervstic.—It is thoroughly understood in well-informed circles that the meeting of the brilliant ex-Cabinet Minister and Pre- sident Cagnor has iest results. An offensive and defensive alliance, the cession of Channel Islands, the neutrali- sation of Malta, and the evacuation of Egypt are said to have been the prominent items of a treaty which Rawpoira had no besitation in cavaring Se Toe Government he could get Lord ALISBURY at any momen’ accept. Though speculation on the subject is still rife, the youthful statesman is said to have , en — and Law B all ugh assurance in reference to i no surprise grees on the Bourse at the continued downward tendency of all oreign securities. Lonp Rawporru yesterday granted an audience to the young English such and CHURCHILL AND THE Porz.—His Holiness statesman, after an interview that, report says, lasted five hours and a half, was pleased to express himself as highly gratified with the result. It is understood that a couple of Nuncios will forthwith be appointed to St. James’s, and that a British representative will be sent to the Vatican. Ita that His Lordship assured in turn successively thirty-seven inals, on whom he subsequently called, that if Lord Satissury did not immediately “‘ see” the arrangement, on it being explained to him, he would undertake to make him do so **in two twos.” . Lorp Raypotpn CuvRcHILL AND THE SHAn.—The interview which was of a most interesting character, came off to-day, His Majesty stipulating partly in bad French and partly through an interpreter, t, in consideration of his undertaking certain obligations in regard to Russian action in Afghanistan, Lord Ray- poLPH should open negotiations with the Alhambra Demeunr, Limited, with a view to the despatch of their entire corps de t to Teheran by an early mail. It was also understood that in the event of the Suan paying a visit to London in the course of next year, and there being some difficulty about pee him up again at Bucking- ham Palace, his Lordship should arrange to hire the Agricultural Hall or some other suitable building affording the — ac- commodation for His Majesty and his attendant suite. Ray- DOLPE having received the d Cross of the Order of the Blue Hyena in paste, and assured His Majesty that it would be “all right” with Lord Satispury, who had given him carte blanche to act as he thought best, then withdrew.in boisterous spirits, and the interview, that had been characterised throughout by a great deal of good-humoured badinage, abruptly terminated. _ A subsequent’report announces that His Lordship was also about to visit the Chief Archimandrite, the Emperor of Braz, the King of the Bererans, the Sheik-al-Islam, the Ex-Khedive, Mwawneaa, the Ameer of AroHANISTAN, Prince Bismarck, and the Sultan of Morocco; and that, owing to his exuberant intellectual activity, and boundless confidence in his ability to twist the present British Cabinet round his little finger, the liveliest interest was already mani- fested in the ee ge outcome of the various projected interviews, the details of which will no doubt be forthcoming in a later edition. BONNY DUNDEE! New Version, as swung by Lord S-l-sb-ry. BErore THE ELECTION. To the Dundee Electors our General spoke: | ** Ere the Queen’s crown goes down | wiil strike a good stroke ; And let every man who loves Union and me, Poll for General Daty at Bonny Dundee. Then up with Coercion, and down with the Plan ! Let every true Voter do all that he can; Send Frera to the right-about-face, and put me At the top of the poll, boys, in Bonny Dundee! ” Arter THE ELECTION, Hurrah! Their majority ’s down by a fourth ! There are Unionists, GLADDY, you see, in the North, More than four thousand of them, my GLappy, you see, Have followed our Standard at Bonny Dundee. Then up with the Crimes Act, and down with the Plan! E’en the Scots are deserting their own Grand Old Man. Ah! tremble, false Rads, in pa emature glee, You have not seen the last of my Tories and me. A LIBERAL UNIVERSITY APPOINTMENT. We see that W. 8. Litty, the Huxley-tackler in the Fortnightly Review, has been appointed by the Cambridge Senate one of the ** Lightfoot” Examiners. We do not wish to paint the Licr, but really he must be a most accomplished gentleman, unless we mis- understand the nature of his new duties. ‘ Lightfoot Examiner must surely be a Terpsichorean Professor, who examines those Undergraduates who are studying for the ballet as a profession. Or, rhaps Lightfoot is a ‘‘ derangement” of syllables, and it ought to Be ** Footlight”” Examiner, who would have to set the papers for such A.D.C. Cantabs who may be thinking of o> Stage. Will Girton follow suit, and appoint Madame Karrie ER as their Lightfoot Examiner, and “‘ The Jersey Lily” as the Footlight Pro- fessor? Clearly, steps in the right direction. But we're progressing by leaps and bounds nowadays. Appropriate Sian For A NEW TAVERN WITH A Gattt-Room.— ‘*The Tudor Monarchs |—celebrated for Steaks and Chops. Proresson Herxomen’s Orrnion or Enrisn Pictorial Axt.— “ All ‘ Watxen,’ ”—that is, it would be all the better if it were. ——

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. — was SF se som S* PEP RRSA TREES "FTES aBsas arse ' oo Se waa eS. SS ee Fesrvary 25, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 89 —_——— THE ‘ SLOGGER.” ’Twas the voice of the “‘ Slogger.” I heard him exclaim, ‘Ts there no one in England who ’s and game ?”’ As the lion aroused, from his lair stalking forth, So he threw up his head and snorted with wrath. “Just one big triumph more ; then to rest at my leisure. How happily living in easting and pleasure I’d pass all my time, but oreed to train, I journeyed to Windsor, and saw in his suite en = ~ Every manner of man bow- whee} et _ ing down at his feet: re he a triumphal procession is made ; “Though agi hy not in training,” says I, “ {’m afraid.” I paid him a visit, for I thought, ‘‘ While I can, yen aay Today a e me exploits in : And thought a “* pug” better off Sea okie. Then thought I, ‘* Well, from this I a moral can glean. What that hero’s now, why might I not have been? If ay eee had trained me for combat, not clerking, I'd be fighting and feasting, not sterving and working.” A WORD IN SEASON. Taat Cuartes Drsprm, the British Sailor’s Poet Laureate, should lack a suitable Memorial, that his modest and little-known tomb, even, should be in danger of disturbance and desecration, are things shameful in themselves, and doubly disgraceful to a country which professes at least, like lass in a song, to “‘ love a sailor.” Every wind that blows would breathe the shame abroad, did England allow it to be perpetuated. But only “‘lubbers and swabs” could con- tentedly contemplate such a scandal. “ Bince he died in honour’s cause, *Twas all one to Jack,’ was the characteristic sentiment of one of Drsprn’s typical tars, a sentiment which, like enough, Drspry would have shared. But ’tis not all one to Jony, the remains of his favourite Sea Singer om —- —_ gy or ——y On ng hy e cemetery of St. Martin’s, Pratt Street, are the following from his own often sung, ever-applauded “ Jom Bowling” :— “‘ His form was of the manliest beauty, His heart was kind and soft ; Faithful below he did his duty, And now he’s gone aloft.” - Yes, Cuartes Drevin “ did his duty,” in a fashion that Jaid sea- girt England under an eternal obligation. Now let England do hers! SEVEN HUNDRED A YEAR. A Ballade for the Hesitating Bachelor, Wovrp you ride in trim Hansoms, and go to the stalls, Give your nice little dinners, ind in cham 5 Accept all your invites; show at and balls, In the arning Post's columns perhaps see your name? Would you fri with the style of your ménage impress, Tig? & g00d set about you, hear people admit, {°C wife is 8 woman who knows how to dress, And conjecture she costs you an average bit ? You may this ! But this is quite clear, That you won’t do it on Seven hundred a year ! But should you to fair Tooting, or Hackney, or Bow, teer your course and avoid all Society’s rocks ;— The gay omnibus mayene Se Caine Se know, Asr gloom of the mild upper box : ot mind the cold mutton, get your clothes ready made, Go to in June tea: the without fear | vestone in | i PLAY-TIME. Tue axe, the hatchet, and the ing-knif k the He wey he pruning eRave Sanat wes at our advice, be it remembered, was +>». anes Partasse “bes WI 4 improved, as we are ormed, j;, almost off the face of the earth. hi Mr. Gerwan-Cunistuas-Trez 4 has been reduced to a shrub, a rah nit ts Sas gain by oss, an audi- et tae OT et PLA But when all’s and of course there is even less said and done than at first— Partners can never be a good play, and there ’s an end of it, Evidently are some who are so ’umble as to take critical s y, and t by the process. Within the doublet, wand straight She eee ibieemeaie teigneent, —and 8 wa superior judgmen made some alterations, ind judiciously letting the critics know that their invaluable had been adopted—highly flattering this to the Critical Faculty—the astute Managers obtained, and justly obtai in which the same critics, self-constituted for the occasion as a of Appeal, upset their first verdict. After this, who shall say that Theatrical Criticism is not beneficial? Only it rather unsettles the faith of the public in their guides, if one day read that a piece is ‘‘in- trinsically bad,” and that “ the sooner it is off the the better,” and then within the next three weeks they hear of same piece i ked capitally,” or ‘‘ con- siderable alterations have been made, the piece, as now repre- sented, is likely to have a long run.” iy Reyes do away with premieres altogether, except for the critics, who, each individually, should deliver his written judgment as to whether the gmpwes adish to be set before King Public or not, and if not, what alterations would make it so? Then criticism t do some The _ should be heard in camerd, one week at least should elapse before it was brought before the Supreme Court of Final Ages! the Public. There are a great many objections to this plan, whic i have not time nor space to now. : Mr. Toore re-a on Saturday. There was joy in King William St when “Jounnre came marching home,’’— although perhaps a trifle halting—‘* Dot and go one”’—after his severe attack. Never mind an occasional halt, as long as he stops where he is, and is as droll as ever. ts. I pe a second visit to Ariane, and see no reason for modifying in the slightest degree the favourable opinion I expressed last week. I have seen it stigmatised as an “‘immoral play.” A play is not immoral unless in some way or other it makes vice attractive. the dialogue in this piece been as brilliant as that of the School for Scandal, and had the death of the husband set Ariane free gm f the would-be co- respondent, and live ily ever after, then, indeed, the piece would have been justly styled “immoral.” As it is, how- ever, the wretched set of dramatis persone lead a miserable ex- istence, and two of them come to a wretched end. I should like Mrs. CaAmPBett Praxp to omit two short speeches, of which one is in questionable taste and absolutely unnecessary. I should also like Ariane to “die and make no sign.” Her last words are, I admit, consistent with the character of her life, but here, I contend, that silence would indeed have been golden. me recommend everyone to see The Ticket of Leave Man, at the Olympic, not for the sake of the acting generally, but of Mr. WILLARD ly. His disguise and his assumption of o in Act are admirable. Mrs. STEPHENS is as old and as good as ever—not a day older—and Mr. Swzpixy Yares makes the most of that highly absurd and old-fashioned comic character Green Jones, in fact -- & bright Green Jones. entertained at the ex of the country seem to be anxious to a in the House of Commons in prison costume. The idea was anticipated some time since in the streets, where sandwich men loyed to advertise certain pieces by in the garb of cone Thus the notion is not new. Besides will they not be suspected of drawing the -bow when they begin to speak, if the broad-arrow ? HistoricaL.—When was England ed a year ! a When the entire Nation had one great Ber on the throne.

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ror THe Hicutanp Scuorttiscue!” you pown To Suprer.” &e., &o. NCI, _OR THE I LONDON CHL ARIV ARL [Fesrvary 25, 1888, ~v oe NE 4) . te iA TWO FAMOUS TRYSTING-SPOTS. Cotonet Str Tatsor Inonstpes (or Tae Scotca Bives) anp younc Reornatp Srronei’rn’arm (or Tae Lire Guarps Grey) ARE THe two Fixest Mew in Loypow, AND AS SUCH ARE VISIBLE A LONG WAY OFF; SO THAT, IN CROWDED BALt-Rooms, Youn PxOPLE HAVE GOT INTO A WAY OF MAKING USE Of THEM, SAYING TO EACH OTHER, AS THE CASE MAY BE—‘‘ Meet mz AT Siz TAunor orn ‘Bs at Recor Srroncit' Te’ agM AT A QUARTER PAST TWELVE, AND I WILL COME AND TAKE “SUCH GOOD BOYS!” On, please, Sir! Oh, don’t, Sir! You will not want that, Sir, That nasty new birch hung up there on the wall. Lor! you might as well threaten poor boys with the ‘** Cat,” Sir. We're sure that this half you won’t need it at all. We mean to be good, oh, we do, Sir, indeed! A side. ) Keep it up, keep it up, and we’re bound to succeed ! So naughty last term? Well, we fear that we were, Sir. The tasks, Sir, you see, were so thundering stiff. Ah, yes, we "did, some of us, Sir, play the bear, Sir. The naughty pea-shooter, the ney sly whiff ? Quite true; but this half we shall all be all right. Aside.) Now then, you young fool, oo that squirt oat of sight! You see, Sir, last term, Sir, the Masters were new, Sir: We hadn’t got used to ’em, Sir, that’s a fact. Took sights at yourself on the sly, Sir? Too true, Sir. (No use to deny it when caught in the act.) But never again, Sir, will pe x a snook,”’ -) Now then, Cuan.re, put on a pleasanter look | It wasn’t me, Sir, as I told you last term, S ’T was—weil, never mind, for a fellow Saal t sneak ; But, when a chap’ s wrongfully charged—well, a worm, Sir, Will turn, Sir, at that. But I do feel so meek, So mild, so magnanimous, mmew, this half! ) Now then, stash that grin, or he ’ll think it’s all chaff! Me keep them in order, Sir! Well, Sir, I tried, Sir, But nothing like what I sill try, ‘Sir, this time. I’ve got all the best biggest boys on my side, Sir. There ’s Montey and Harcourt, Sir! Oh, Sir, it’s prime, Why even Parne t, here, means working like fun. Back up, or he’ll twig you as sure as a gun! We’re all simply longing for lessons, Sir, yes, Sir Just ain't we, now, CHARLIE? We'll work, day and night, And if, Sir, you Masters should get in a mess, Sir, We'll labour like niggers to put the things right, For oh, Sir! we do take such pride in the School ! (Aside. Don’t scowl, or you’ll crab the whole thing, you young fool ! The old rod wornout? Oh, now come, don’t say that, Sir. There’s lots of it left, all "you'll wan't a I’m sure. A Master so nice in that seat never sat, wat ns like a plump Cheshire Cat, the ‘old Cure ! ) elp you to make it a rare term all round. ( Aside.) He’ ll say so before we have done, I'll be bound! Don't take down that birch ; it ’s as big as a broom, Sir ; Disgrace to the School to require such a thing. Perhaps for improvement there may be some room, Sir ; But all the bad boys, Sir, last half had their fling. Now, Paddies and all, we poet being so good ! ), But don’t holloa, old ber, till you’re out of the Wood! Tae Sr. Mantrwer or Tours.—The “Grand Tour” used to be considered indispensable as the finish of polite education. It is equally valuable nowadays, and raw young lads have only to naming eves to a Cook, and after one g turn they ’ll be fit for any table.

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= e r LZA; 2 y TVA hii ZZ. JE AZ 7 = “i {iii FZ, WE’RE GOING j 2 ‘ '” ——_—-_- : = > — SS ——-— —— S =| 3) ~ me & NN = mM i=) © / on > uw ¥ a st = ~~ - _ e 7 ~_Y — ee — £ —_— = ie] ‘ I TO BE SUCH GOOD BOYS THIS ‘HALF’!!” PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Fesrvary 25, 1888. “SUCH G Master Grapstowr, “‘O PLEASE SIR, DON’T, SIR!

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Fesrvary 25, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL PUNCH TO JOSEPH. (Air—Obvious.) Joz CHAMBERLAIN, my Jog, Sir, When first away you went, Lond croaked the party raven, With sinister content. But now the dead-lock ’s over— At least you tell us so— Rads—well, they hardly bless you now, Joz CHAMBERLAIN, my Jor! | Jon CHAMBERLAIN, my Jos, Sir We yet may meet rough weather ; The question is, I fear, Jox, Not settled altogether. | But Canada and Jonny, Jor, Friends, hand in . Fix that, Z’ll bless you an Joz CHAMBERLAIN, my JOE. | | A Mem. ror “Toe CuURCH AND | Strack Gurip.’’—Should a Temple of | the Drama be erected in London, the Rev. Stewart Heaptam, who has | always taken so kindly an interest in | the Stage, ought to be elected as one of the Minor Canons of Dramatic Art. ——————s APPROPRIATE. — When there’s another change, let Mr. Sexton be member for Bury. OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Tae Sixth and last volume of Lady Burron’s luxuriously bound edition of her husband’s Arabian Nights, prepared for household | reading by Justriw McCarruy, M.P., has now appeared. Sir Ricu- anp’s edition is the “‘ Strong Burton” not for household consump- tion; while the Lady Isanen’s is ‘ Burton drawn mild,” pure in “ee | quality and clear as unclouded The “Terminal Essay,” which being unadulterated Burton treble, or rather Basso-profondo, must have made My Lady shudder and Justin McCanrny clear his glass, is especially interesting, di ing as it does the date and origin of the Tales, and giving a panegyric on which wi afford a Canon Isaac-TayLor—the iasti orien incli amber. lish Church Congress. inal Mawwine will be pleased to find that Monamuen, the use of wine and denouncing gambling, was Mr. wil] | ut of the way for genius to have its true course. of the Shrew, a work that in the opinion not ‘‘an outrageous farce.” Isn’t it? Read the ‘ business” scene, and then imagine all that must be done on the stage besides what is set down. action it is a rough-and-tumble farce, which no doubt a considerable portion of a sixteenth century audience accustomed to bear-fights and brutalities, were quite capable of appreciating. wd ty the repartee between Petruchio and Kate, Act ii. Se. 1, *“ bright and lively.” Well, perhaps it was so considered in Shakspearian and Jonsonian (not Johnsonian) days, when punning was a ; but at mar the present time such word-playing would be as dull toa nineteenth cen’ audience as would be the horse-play, ex when in- troduced in its lagiliznate rasa, a pantomime, As a comment on Mr, MarsHALt’s opinion, two-thirds of the lines in this scene are meee Ky END i a sly omi in rep lay is farcical, with the ——- of atherine’s speech in the last ; but perhaps it was altogether quite up to the © mark of the enlightened audience for whom it was intended, namely, Sly the Cobbler, who drops off to sleep during the very first scene, wakes up once, and is then ‘‘ in the arms of Porpus”’ till the = of the play, when he is supposed to be taken away and put to ° Mr. Gorpon Browwe’s illustrations have the t merit of being dramatic, and untheatrical. The Dance of Clowns in the Midsummer Night's Dream is conceived in a truly humorous spirit. F. M.’s notes to Richard the Second—a play full of crikingly beautiful passages—are excellent, especially the one on the awfully tragic scene of the death of Cardinal Beaufort, who, as a matter of historical fact, made a truly Christian end. But us is above history, and such stubborn as facts must be f SHAKSPEARE “a : had sacrificed a grand dramatic effect to world would have been deprived of this pec oe _ om " ARSHALLS for Volume Two. e’re a getting on,’ at your service, Tue Bazonw ve Boox Porety) ProressionaL.—After an ical examination Mr. Aypersow Carrcuert, who is Mr. Punch's own ‘‘ Member for Eye,” a military patient was encountered in the street by a who asked what ‘the Carrcmerr on the hearth” had to make him look so Colonel replied, ‘‘My boy, he simply i Taming The said, ‘Eyes Right!’ Marchons!”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON — CHARIVARL. (Fapsvany 25, 1888, | A DEFINITION, ( Virginibus puerisque. ) “Way, Tony, you Look Lixe A Caervs!” “'Waat is A Cazrus!?” "On—a CaERUB IS A—A—A SORT OF CONVERTED Curip!” SOMETHING FISHY! (The Story of a Great Success.) Tux Statesman sat in his study pondering over the difficult problem, the solution of which had been the cause of his expatriation. “What shall Ido?” he asked himself. ‘I cannot disagree with both, and I refuse to agree with neither. What shall I do?” He looked at his glass, crowded with cards of invitation to banquets. ‘‘ They age al. over,” he murmured, ‘‘ My task is done! Not one lefti and here am I one | and unable to fill it?” Then he touched a bell, and requested that the Representative of the Dominion should be brought before him. The Representative, obedient to his call, appeared. “My good friend,” said the Statesman, clasping the other’s hand, “‘ you know how I feel for you, how anxious I am to serve you, how I would, theoreti- oly, sacrifice the last drop of my life’s blood to protect your interests.” — S e Representative wiped away atear. It was very touching! Painfully c ! “ Best and bravest of men!” exclaimed the tative, when he had mastered his emotion. ‘‘We know your value. e we ou as the defender of our liberties. We regard you as the sweet pledge of affection sent to us by the dear Mother Country, which shall bind us to her with bands of steel.”’ “Nay,” said the Statesman, gently, ‘“‘do not speak of steel—brass is more enqreotiate. And now let me hear urge your case once more.” n the Representative the arguments that had already been pro- duced. He showd conclusively that it was a matter of life and death that the Dominion should not give in—that the future of a mighty people depended upon a firm front and victory. “* Your eloquence unmans me,” cried the Statesman. “ All you say seems so true, so very true. “* It is indeed,” was the rejoinder. ‘‘ Ah, it was a hour for us when you were chosen for our arbitrator. We know that every ~ Ana Fg) Kngland ; that all our fellow-subjects beyond the seas parted with you with the reluctance ; that moment of your was to us! it was kind, good, u of the dear Mother Country to spare you—to allow you to come to us!” Here am I, with my seat in the House vacant, for am I not far away, **It was indeed,” admitted the Statesman, and then | he pondered once more, knitting his brows and burying | himself in deep thought. Deep thought! The very! deepest ! ‘And you tell me that the fate of your adopted country depends upon my decision?” he asked, at length, * It does indeed,” was the reply. at ** You say that the other side will not give in?” An affirmative was again the answer. ** Eureka!” the Peacemaker cried, after a pause; “| have it! If the Government of the United States will not give in, there is but one way out of the difficulty, If they won't give in, you must!’ And handing the Representative a faded orchid as a memento of his visit, the Statesman wiped the tears from his eyeglass and s for Europe ! COMING TO THE POINT. | Palmam qui meruit ferat! Of . That maxim, when read with the caution that’s proper, ine with exceptional force to the Force. unch has often to cry a aa as gold is the ‘ Copper,’” Bat when his peculiar metal seems ‘‘ brass,” And when he ind in lies and foul lingo, And shows he’s a b Bidet gy: . we The Public gets doubtful, and Punch cries Distinguo ! An Enpacorrt is not for ever a joy . (Though cooky might deem him a true thing of beauty), And though Warren swears, ‘‘I believe you, my Bior,” Unquestioning faith is not Punch’s sole duty. His business is into the truth to inquire. f Remember one thing—it will spare much disaster— | That is. your Policeman is rather like fire— ** A very good servant, but very bad master!” | “AGAIN, WE COME TO THEE, SAVOY!” A sricut little Operetta, called Mrs. Jarramie’s Genu, the music by the Brothers Cxiuirer, has been added to | the programme of the Savoy with good results. The) plot is not very novel, and strongly one of the | oest of the German Rexp’s Entertainments, The Indian | Puzzle ; but for all that the trifle is amusing. Perhaps | the best acted character in the Operetta is Ben-Zoh - Leen, a part which seems to suit Mr. Joun Writxuyson down to the ground, or rather under it, as the Genie is supposed | to have a rise in station when he became connected | with the Jarramie household. His parlour magic was most amusing, and, after a song descriptive of a parlia- men career, his exit, although evidently modelled on “the Teapot Shuffle” of Tea-Cup-and-Sorcerer Gnos- SMITH, was decidedly funny. ‘ The Operetta is a trifle light as air, but quite sufli- cient to raise the wind, and give that extra puff to the sails of H.M.S. Pinafore, refitted, and thesenghy sea- |worthy, that is, well worth seeing, of whic ptain | D'Orty Carte evidently thought the on old ship Bacow and Another season will pro- —(‘‘Good Old Ship” suggests Brighton, | SHaxspRare !)—stood in need. bably elapse before a new vessel is launched from the dockyard of the Gilbert and Sullivan works. ‘“*‘LEG BEFORE WICKET.” “.,.. Whether any undue advan rests with the batsman or with the bowler under the existing laws of cricket, and, if s0, | what steps should be taken to remedy this defect.’’ Dr. Punch hastens to suggest an obvious “ remedy.” —

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s5 ee = SBrade TS, FSPERZISE I 35

— Feprvary 25, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. £5

| | ae Bs ) " 4) j ~ Ail Hi} i Py a ee By be A Hi age _JTAVIA4 mit it SA |

iy’ | mu \ “uf | Se | EBS : STSSEIN'C ENO) Fy By ¢ te as ay N \ i" Mr eum: eee iri OXCRALY PRIA a ee Hill <i mh) RVAVRU LIAM th? nt i \ 1 : “an i - yal )! ' i wt Wut | EDARye [“ Increased facilities are now provided for Ladies dining, &c., with Members.”’) House of Commons, Monday Night, Feb. 13.—Met Pazweit just; ‘Try Picton,” I said. i before House met, crossing Palace Yard, .andinhisrightname.| ‘‘ Picton of Leicester!” cried Parwext, a flush of pleasure flaming Tony,” said he, ‘I want your advice. We’re going, you know, | on his pallid brow. ‘ The very man.” to raise question of Privilege this afternoon. Should be effectiyely| So it was settled. Questions over, Picton rose and denounced as a done, or left alone. Mean to get an English Member to open fire. breach of Privilege conduct of Police in Who shall it be ? Want somebody the very sight of whom will strike terror into the breast of the brave Batrour and make Smiru shiver in his shoes. Want the kind of man who, if he only stood up, folded his arms, frowned on Ministers, and sat down again, w d nearly frighten life out of them. You remember Don Dreco Pexes, ow, at the siege of Xeres, he lost his s but subsequently made greater havoc with an olive-branch he picked up ? Loud, loud he blew his bugle, sore troubled was his eye, But by God's grace, before his face, there stood a tree full high, An olive tree with ches strong, close by the wall of Xeres, * Yon goodly bough will serve, I trow,’ quoth Dow Dizco Penzs.

Who shall be our Dow Dreco Peres?” ne Friday, thinking they had that other fierce Parli SecreTaky, on behalf of y Re who

GILH00 changed aspect of affairs. liamentary PaRweELt and his merry men mean’ Tactics answered admira Perer 0’ Baren on otion seconded by ALTER McLaren ; Marauder, while, “lay low and said nuffin.” gy faltered xp = nes said to have passed between the This new attack completed prostration. fly if it had settled on his nose. Everything going on admirably till Huwny James interposed and So easy not to have said anything ! y wants apology. Old Morality, earlier in sitting, had to know about certain and Perens. Markiss one Couldn’t have pounced on a

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Fesrvary 25, 1888, Might have judiciously stayed away, as Hartineron did. But there he was, and must needs come to assistance of his friends, the victims of Paxwet1’s strategy. This brought down upon him a personage more wrathful even than Don Dieeo Picton. Business before House precisely of that —_ character to S G. O. M.’s nature. uite dangerous to sit near him as discussion went on. Leaned ex- citedly over Jonw Mor- talk to CHARLES Persisten be done that fioktet round ightning coat-tails way. with seized “ ” retreating Bradlaugh “ wants to know. pro tind hie back on bench. Finally rose to mpmmen Hewxy James. What a glorious ten minutes he had; his eyes flashing fire, his fi trembling with indignation, his voice breaking through the toils of weakness, and his right hand passionately smiting the palm of the left, as if he had literally got his old co in Oheneers, and was making the most of the opportunity. ARNELL looked on with mingled admiration and disappointment. __ “ Prcrow ’s very well,” he said, “but this should have been our Don Dreeo.” Business done.—Privilege Debate. Tuesday.—P eer O’ Buren, yesterday a hero, to-day a disregarded nonentity. If Members accidentally catch his eye, they wonder why he is rs = prison and out of the way. “ I in , ’ said Witrem Lawson to Josern Grxu1s, “‘ there was | the Treasury Bench studying new Rules of P listening Senate, and I’m not even a Surveyor-General of th, Ordnance.” Business done.—More debate on Address, Thursday.—O’ Barren just finished his three months of Batrovur ¢ ye our minu "BRren at | Westminster. Difficult to sa ia the harder to bear. O'B i men force. last | eo gacler; tne pent-up and indignation of three | months rushed downward | like a cataract ; boiling with passion ; always seeming o verge of being carried away | by its force; always pulled up in time, lowered his voice | to whisper, his clene fist, and turned aside with slow “ Acting,” the ATTORNEY. Thinking of the Bo’sun. ile hi sm: is way through the torrent, but, as JosepH GILLIS observed, the smile | was rather “‘gashly.” House, with its appetite whetted, wanted the finishing touch given to the drama by BaLrour rising to reply. | he would wait, and crowded onan But, on the whole, he thought broke up. Hanrcovrt affected almost to tears, ‘‘ Come, Gorst,”’ he said to the Under-Secretary for India, sitting on ure a little too much fuss about it. As BaLrovr says, when an Irish | just out, ‘‘ you must admit that that was a fine touch Member is to be arrested what matter whether it happens to be in the last sentence, where he lifted up his voice, Grtmoory or O’Brrex? In these days, when we are hardly rid of | and blessed Batvour and his policy.” the Suaxsrearse-Bacow controversy, it is a little hard to have a Grimooty-O’ Barren debate.” | of ** Yes,” said Gonst. ‘‘ Reminds me of one of Marryar’s stories — Peter Simple, “T don’t know much about Saaxspzane,” said Jozy B., with | think; or is it Percival Kean? Anyhow, engaging frankness ; ‘ but as to bacon I’m oA rerore, as they say |there is an angry but converted Bo’sun in at Parry. I don’t see what it’s got to do with arrest of the O’Brren.” thes TREVELYAN resumed debate on Address ; brought up SaunDERSON who had real good time for space of an hour. Wasn't a head pee out anywhere from beneath the tents of the enemy opposite, but— Whirroo !—the Colonel’s shillelagh came down on it. GLADSTONE dancing mad on Front Opposition Bench. Parnellites worked up to condition that made them capable of ‘somet like ‘a howl; faint echo of habitude before days of »_a_ ut still encouraging and hopeful for the future. T. W. Russert —- ~¥ to give serious aspect to conversation by delivering carefully prepared address, very gees of Se ome; smote the Parnellites hip and thigh, but occasionally turned round and gave a slight rap at Government. “‘ Rossecy,” said Davip Prowxet, whom every one is glad to see back in renewed health, ‘‘ reminds one of a phrase they have in the North of England. When a man has had 0 Seep toe sumah ant gem rolling home, they say he ‘has business on h sides of the road.’ Russet, staggering along under the weight of his argument and his advocacy, may be said to have business on both sides of the House.” Business done.—More debate on Parwety’s Amendment to Address. Ash Wednesday, so didn’t meet till Two o’Clock, hours of sitting being thus reduced to four. a . E.) and Krve-Harman appro- priated between them two hours a half. . * A little long, weren’t you?” Axgrs-Doveras hinted. Longer than usual, .” said Krve-Harwan. “ Bat now I’m going to have a salary, I have to show I earn it.” Hexsert GLapsTons agreeably i House by capital speech, admirably delivered. Been shut up during recent years on Tr Bench, but has practised in the country, and suddenly blossom into experienced debater. Something to say, and said it well, with free gestures and fine voice. Young Starrorp NorTacorTe, passing out behind Speaker’s Chair, paused and stared in amazement. He and Hersert had started Parliamentary life together. Their maiden Wah distinguished and delighted fathers, sotoee in hand, ready 13 wi t) » in reacy give fm oy = = after the final round. “And now,” said young Norrucore, “he’s commanding the ithe piece. Used to swear terribly. Seeing the error of his ways, now, when he wants to adjure anyone who has offended him, he |always begins with ‘Bless your lovely eyes,’ and goes on to wish him every happiness. Somehow thought of the Bo’sun when, just now, O’Brien, with uplifted hand, and through clenched teeth, blessed our brave Batrovr.” Dusiness done.—Debate on Address. eee of peaceful Session burst to- night. Exploded under feet of GoscnEen; nearly shattered him. A few tendencies in that direction all through the evening. When G. 0. M. sat down after speech two hours long, Irish Mem ing to their feet, stormed around him in jubilant en- thusiasm. Seemed enough for one night. But \ when he came back after dinner, there was another ,, G. P. Fuller enthusiastic reception. Ten minutes later came the laughed.” news of Liberal victory at Southwark, and this — : time the whole Opposition were on their feet, cheering, waving hats, and my ee > G. P. Fourier laughed to see such fan, and Goscuen wished he was over the moon. Business done.—Looks as if the Government's was. Tue Berect Casz.—Poor little child of Tex-Poo, akias Bernat! Mr. Justice Srentine decided against its claims, which somehow doesn’t sound like sterling justice. Had it come before three Judges who had taken the same view, there might have been for appeal on account of ecclesiastical bias on the part of the Judges who had been unanimous against a “‘ Little Bermen.”—nemine dissentiente, i.e., not one of them being a dissenter. As it is, it seems rather hard on the Baralong Bride and baby. ** Jewst’s Arorocy.”—Paste. — {>} NOTICE.—Rejected Commuuications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will im no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. there will be no exception. To this rule

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OD Go fieks & ||! ek as Be (EPS SSFEsE | 8 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Fesrvanr 25, 1888 al age ~ xa Tas he aia ee byes, ian; Three “Vint 0, ara “PFQUESTION ABLY, 0s as fine Jurors’ Award, Cork Exhibition, — HIS FINE OLD IRISH V HISKY may be nas | of the of coe whole. sake merchants in casks and cases by PORK D DISTILLERIES COMPANY , MOKKISON'S ISLAND, ALLMAN'S To be had at Clubs, "Hotels, Restaurants, and in casks of and all Wholesale Wine and 6pirit Merchants throughout the Uniied Kingdom and Colonies. J. EXSHAW & 60.'S FINEST OLD BRAN CONCENTRATED SOLUBLE FRY’S PURE COCOA “Tt has a delicious flavor.’’—A. P. B. Moore, M.D. BALL- POINTED PENS. (1. HEWIITS PATENT.) As used by H.B.2. the Prince of Wales. vonghest paper, ‘They bold’ more in ani lat ae ne. sarasee cr ter at i tei - = wri Pen holder, fur ls. vai Pree of al tioners, or ORMISTON & GLASS, Edinburgh. [)EGORATE The beauty of y of Stained Glass in every can be en ved by using M‘Oaw, Stevenson GLAGIER WINDOW DECORATION, can be applied to window an qnpertonse te the Ay? the rticia. where there are Sedo with disagreeable rite for Illustrated zge Pemrations) and free, One . the Manufan- ts. por des, in Canes Ge Dae re ‘ - vw eee bhatt w._| Bae Leet, epee, Agents, Holborn Viaduct, London. “TAUNUS” THE ROYAL ** Absolutely free from Organic matter."* SUPPLIED AT ALL THE Leading Hotels, Restaurants, de. NATURAL SPARKLING The principal Chemists have been appointed Agents, HEAD OFFICE— 23, LIME STREET, LONDON, E.C. KURE-QUIO. IMME TONIC “ PICK-UP,” sateen ae DON, GREAT COLD CURE. ores Btrength. removes all trace: of snd gives a Bright, parr Prost B yy | a. aR & Lo SPLENDID « vee. “+9 FoR MORNINGS AFTER A BALL, DINNER, OR CONCERT. KURE-QUIC 2%. 64. per Bottle. OF ALL CHEMISTS. EAK NERVES. Nature's Remedy, * Blectricity,” never fails to strengthen the Nerves and Tialien the whole when scientifically applied, in the form of mild “continuous currents” alae shock) generated by wearing ARNESDB’ ELECTROPATHIG BELT, a/- Post-free. Whee ord pone ease send size round waist (next skin). Thousands of Testimonials. Pamphlet and Advice Free. Note ouly address ble or write at once to— and eali if » & ARNWESS, Consulting epicat Batrery Co., 1A., e CXF ‘ STREET, LONDORK, W. MAPPIN & WEBB'S ELECTRO PLATE. USED IN THE ROYAL NURSERIES. = BEST FOOD FOR INFANTS. In Tins, 1s., 2s., 5s. and 10s, each. SAVORY & MOORE, convo», AND SOLD EVERYWHERE. your HOMES |) == NESTLE’S sa FOOD for INFANTS. |§ Also well ada for CHILDREN and VALIDS. The basis of NESTLE’S FOOD is choice milk from Swiss cows, concentrated in vacuo at a low temperature, so as to preserve its original valuable qualities unch To this 4 milk is added a little sugar and some wheat flour, the wheat four having been previously submitted to a special of bek Ore the insoluble portions are excluded. prodyet obtained im this way sets as a solvent tin the caseine, and prevents the milk from e im large Jumps, rendering the whole compound, which is of the highest nutri- tive value, as digestible ag mother's milk. Indigestion, Constipation. DAHL’S xarhict'titnoy, DYSPEPSIA “snatwasiien CAKES. eminent Medical Men. Or att Cusxrers. Sample Box, 2+. éd., Post Free. DAHL'S AGENCY, 41, EASTCHEAP, LONDON. coLT’s DOUBLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER, as ey to H.M. War Department. 8 6IN ACTION ARMY avoLven as adopted by the Uaited tes Government. COLT’s * vRONTIER” takes the Colt and Winchester Magazine fle Cartry voomne ai cal. pow g 4 Laan aoves nd DERLNG eat ros best qualit = Coit’s neheieen om word ail over the 'w zs. bers oge SHOT GUNS and LES, tor india aad tas me List free, COLI a VIREARMS Co., M, Pall Mall, London 5. W, FOR ASTHMA &C DATURA TATULA FOR SMOKING AND INHALATION, SAVORY & MOORE, London, And of Chemists every where. WILL PREVENT JEWEL ROBBERIES Patcs Leere seer Paes. 198, QUEEN VICTORIA STRERT, F.C.; 66, ST. JAMES’S STREET, Pall Mall, London. THE GREAT CONTINENTAL REMEDY. De. RIGHTER'S Comet :— Ga PAIN Gd crete are. _EXPELLER P Patek, and’ has’ positively tured cases of has itively cw cases 0 ous \atending for which all other remedies had been Gout, KRheumatics, Lumbago, Scia tees Nesta Toothache, Hurns, Hrulses, and all rueiating Pain of whatever desc ription. Is 144. and Ss. 94., oF atu Curmrers. Post Pree, ls, 34. and ds. Dr. RICHTER & CO, 1, RAILWAY PLACK, FENCHURCH STRERT, LONDON, BU, The “ Goins ro Goop Hearn’ sent Post Pree, or given to anyone asking for it TO SAVE THE ‘GAPP ER'S DALLY THOMPSON & CAPP “OENTIFRICE. WATER. and Bs, 64 =2> | injurious inates THOMPSON & CAPPER, Chemists, &, Bold Street, Liverpool, and 61, Piccadilly, Manchester “FOR THE BLOOD 18 THE LIFE.” CLARKE’S WORLD-FAMED BLOOD MIXTURE. Jewarranted socienace the bien & from all snpgrition, from whatever Roinand Bio Berofula, beury poresofail Minos “phin and ~ 1-4 {Diseases ite effec = » from all bottles ts. bd. + Ay and in caces of sie Syme lle. each, of all Chemists. Sent — by Tue Lincouw ane MipLaaD ontise Dave Comrant , Linc “ Rich in Phosphates.”"—Hanon Linaio. MAX GREGER’S CARLOWITZ, 2, Old Bond Street, London ADAMS’S FURNITURE POLISH. THE OLDEST AND BEST. , “Tae 4 ye (the Laés'e Bowepager * feela no bold by Grocers, ll Ollmen, &e. Manufactory—SHEPFIELD, A Phosphatic Food for Delicate Children. SQUIRE'S CHEMICAL FOOD. The original preparation of the late EDWARD PARRIBH, for which SQUIRE & GONG were for 2 years the Sole Agents, and for the last 13 years have been Ux authorised manufactarers. In bottles, 2/-, 3/64 6/- each, of Chemists Or by Parcets Post free direct from SQUIRE & SONS, ESTY'S CHEMISTS 414, Oxford Breet, London..

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON _ CHARIVARL am. EBRUARY 25, 1888, rr tet cnn Peete AE tee ve Arete aidutesinen acct atin titel aaa : ra I ~aeee The GOLD MEDAL For INFANTS. a of the delicate. Our medical nt International Health : os . Exhibition, London, - litte thort dime que ower a : has been awarded for #0 ‘ : a fact. the fewer stinn eens this Food; eenaen’s eS FOOD ts sold in Ti, } and it is recommended , a and &. yf by the LANCET . Chemis "te. (Postage Pres} fr and the aa entire Medical Press. CHILDREN, and INVALIDS. —= LADIES | eee DO YOUR SHOPPING a, Ars ‘Soap BY POST. F oa THE COMPLEXION PP : Dh hh th hi i hi hh hhh ital 1000 Patterns POST FREE, On Approval, of the NEW SPRING DRESSES. Fresh from the DARLINGTON LOOMS. All in the latest Fashion, woven in Pure Wool; also the celebrated DARLINGTON cROSS- WARP SERCES COLD MEDAL MERINOES « CASHMERES, nowned for their Beautiful Appearance and Hard- > earing Qualities These eplendid goods are Sold Direct to the Public without the intervention of Wholesale Merchants, Drapers, Agents, or Midd'e- men, all intermediate profits being given to the purchaser. ANY LENGTH CUT, no matter how short and any article not approved will be changed within seven days. All Parcels de- ~ Carriage Paid to any Railway Station in Great br norlireland. Either Letter, Px ost Card, or a Six- penny Telegram will bring the Box of Patterns by next Post, and all orders executed same day as received. HENRY PEASE & CO’S SUCCESSORS, sistanerssnt, THE MILLS, DARLINGTON. "2." Hen &§ Hanburys’ Castor Oil Tasteless. Pure. Active, Sold everywhere at 6d., 1/, 1/9 & 3/. Onna USED by HER LIAJESTY’S SERVANTS. Gold Medals and Diplomas of Merit at all Ex ibitions, Needham’s} aun ing} —! r , = Paste} “SUNDAY MORNING.’ mn rINSH . From THE ORIGINAL PAINTING BY SHORT, IN THE POSSESSION OF THE PROPRIETORS OF wTons ano Sore Marvracru , _ocnenFSREMiS Gf SOR BRbrrero, PEARS SOAP. NS a 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 - ‘ . 4 “ 4 ‘ 4 a a 4 ‘ ‘ 4 ‘ 4 4 4 q 4 4 4 4 4 ¢ 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 ;4 a4 4 4 a 4 4 4 .4 a4 4 “4 4 a4 "4 “ q 4 A 14 o . "4 4 4 .4 4 4 a4 4 4 - ® 4 4 4 ‘- 4 4 »> wrice: & CADBURYS GUARANTEED GUARANTEED PURE. (Regd. ) SOLU BLE. pu Smaves by ¥ Uem Stuart Smith, of No B®. Loraine Read, Holloway, in the Parish of St. Ban t Islington, in the Canty of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury. Agnew, & Co., Lombard um tue Precinct of Wh.tewiass, im the City of London, and Published by him at No. 8, Fleet sticet, im the Parist o dt bride, City of Lomdon.—>**eapat, February 25, 1588,

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Now | Mr. Punch’s VICTORIAN ERA. fume 2 Ready.| OUR RIVER. By G D. Lesuie, R.A 55 “dustrations Cnrn~™ -™ \ ~ Ae SIF. OWS “SON3d S3SHUHL BONS THE NINETY-FOURTH. —~~— MARCH 3, Ph eH “ Securus gudicat orbis lerrarum.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON ready, Vol. L. and Tl. to be completed tn Fae Vols pF yet THE HENRY IRVING SHAKESPEARE. Edited by MMMRY IRVING anf FRAME A MARSHALL, and |i\wstrated by GORDON BROWNE Prospectus, Post Pree, on application. BLACAIE & SON, @ and ©, O14 Bailey. BROWN & POLSO Nors.—Purchasers should insist on being su CHARIVARL —Marca 3, 1888. Possessing all the Properties of the Finest Arrowroot, N’S CORN FLOUR Is a Household Requisite of Constant Utility. pplied with Brows & Po.son’s Cory Friovs. Inferior kinds, asserting fictitious claims, are beir | offered for the sake of extra profit. Tae whole of the fret edition having been sold out within lo deye of publication, a secoud editiva ie now ready HENRY VIII and the ENGLISH MONASTERIES. Aa Attempt te Illustraie How an‘ by What Methods ther Suppression wis Accomplished. By Rev. FRANCIS AIDAN GASQUBT, 0.8.B., Sometime Prior of St gl ‘» Monastery, Dow 3 vels., demy Svo, Voi bar 3ad Editios, price 12s. “The author's statements are beyond dispute, while hiv main conciusons are formed with much fairness.” —O1. Jauve's Goaerrs. “ Bvery source of format on seems to have been Grawnes. The result isa victure of monastic life more truthful than any hitherto painted.”-—Ins Ovamps «o * Gasquet’s ‘ Henry VIII’ will be a very valaable work for historical referenc "—Punc “Tre book will be thanafully received by all historica! scholars who work with unbiassed minds.”’ —Pupiseseas Crecocan. * JOHN HODGES, 25, Henrietta Street, Covent Garden, jon. Now ready (Sixpence), New Series, No. 57, be CORNHILL MAGAZINE for BARC H, comtaining, among other articies interest, “Unele Joe,” Conclusion —*‘‘Some Reminiscences” — “After Winter”— “Motes by a Naturalist: Haunts of the Otter”— “A Life's Morning,” vy the Author of “ Demos,” “‘Lhyrea,” &c., Chaps V. and V1, &c., &c, Lendoa: Surru, Ecoes, & Co., 16, Waterloo Place. ONGMAN'S MAGAZINE, L' MARCH. Price SIXPE na BT the Author of ‘ ‘oan ‘Mantes " (Con- ont Prologue te « Dramatised Version of * My m. Rider Haggard ‘The yall of Acting. Ll. By W. Archer. Night. by bh. W. Lummis. Dulele. Hy K. (armarthen. Is Climate Changing? ly Robert H. Scott. Unele Pierce. By Ches Biatherwick. Continued.) At the Sign of the Ship. By Andrew Lang. Lendon: LONGMANS, GREEN, & CO “OUR NEIGHBOURS.” PARTRIDGE & COOPER, SATION EMS, 192, FLEET STREET. SODEN MINERAL PASTILLES. PRONCHITIS, ASTHMA. BRONCHITIS, ASTHMA, BRONCHITIS, ASTHMA. BRONCHITI#, ASTHMA. ** 18, =>, St., ‘avendish Square, W. “I have watched the anal of the Soden Waters for &@ considerable period, and regard them as ex- tremely valuable in obstinate catarrhal ons of the throat. The email amount of Iron which they contain renders them very useful in the early ctagee of throat —_, and ther ood in nearty ali cases of tion of the mucous mem rane ‘The Soden Mineral Pastilies offer a most con- venient method of using the Waters, producing both eras effect oS ae are ‘especially ‘veme. of the air pes ea —: ‘hemo of = service ia Bh ee, MORELL. MACKENZIE, RVER hase a. so soon il the most pepuier Household remedy. The highest Medical authorities recommend and prescribe the BODEN MIN! RAL PAS1 .LLES as most efficacious fer A ffections and Diseases of the Throat, Chest, Langs, and Consumption. TO SECRET PREPARATION, no so-called a a, p+ 4 often contain dru Ley — 1m the constitution. — Sobe MINERAL PasTILLEs. & pure of nature gained from the world-renow Meal. cimal Springs of Bath Soden, are ae under strictest control of the Royal Sanitary Counsellor and celebrated Physician, Dr. W. Stocitzing. Insist upon your Chemist procuring for you the enuine erticle; see cach box has Dr. toe\tz- fre signature and our Trade Mark (Two Globes, Cross, and Orescent) ; take no other rice ls. lg¢., or for 6 stamps, of Soden Mineral Produce Com- pany, 10, Dyer’s Buildings, Holborn, Landon, E.v. D* Ridge’s Food. COUGHS, COUGHS, OOUGHS, COUGHS, VAN is admirable. In flavour it is perfect, and HOUTEN’S pure soLuee OOCOA is THE BEST, and really THE CHEAPEST IN THE END. The BRITISH MEDICAL JOURNAL says:—‘ Van Hovrenr’s Cocoa’ it is so pure, well prepared and rich,” &c, 'SWEET “SCENTS | {\LIGN-ALOE. OPOPONAX| FRANGIPANNI. PSID!JM , \ 2 May be obtained \ Chemist % 0 _ or S Pong stree* ° AS 4 Sea Bath in Your Own Boom for One Penny. STODDART'S SEA SALTS.) MEVALDARER. FOR RKRHEUMATISM AND WEAK JOINTS. } Fetablished nea:ly Forty Yeors. | Bold in 64. 2 Ib., le. 2d. Tid. , 2s. 14 1b. Boxes; 4s, 28 ib., Be. i Ib., and lés 112 Ib. Bags Full directions for ‘Use on each Pac kage. Analysed and approved of by Artron MH. Hossatt M.D., & Orro Hearen. zs 8. Sold by Che rm Patent Medicine Deale esale London Agents: BaRcLaY » e sone, ~ —- Street, EC. a AYRTON & EXURbs DERS, na, Duke Street. anchester Agents: JAMES Woolley. SONS 88 CO., 69, Market 5 Proprietors A. &3. WARREN, Waclasale & Bape Druze, ngutne eae Se licensed Makers y' Spirit, 2 & &%, REDCLIFP STREET, BRISTOL. | recipe and notes how to pleasantly and 5 f | All Colours LADIES INCLINED TO THINNESS, with its attendant discomforts, are invited to send addressed envelope for « PAMPHLET, containing interesting and instructive advice on the Development of the Figure by natural means, to Madame STEPHAN, 39, NEW CAVENDISH STREET, LONDON, W. THE MATRIMONIAL HERALD AND FASHIONABLE MARRIAGE GAZETTE is the original and only recognised medium for High-Class Introductions, The largest and most successful Matrimonial Agency in the World. Price 3d.; in envelope, 494 — re ese Editor, #0, Lamb's Conduit Street, London, W. TO STOUT PEOPLE. Scuxpar Times says:—* Mr. Ruesell’s aim is to FRaDicaTE, to cone the disease, and that his treat- ment i« the true one seems beyond ali doubt. The medicine he prescribes pors Nor LOWER, BUT BUILDS UP AND TONES THE SYSTEW.” Hook (116 pages) with eure ibs.), Osesrry (average reduction im first week is post free 8 stamps. ¥. C. BUSSELL, Woburn House, Store Street, Bedford Square, London, W.C, “GUEST’S ENAMELS. For Baths, Domestic, and Art Deco- Resist oil and boiling water, and dry in 3 minutes. In Is., 2¢., and 4s. Tins. Sold by Iron- mongers, Oilmen and Chemists every where. Shade List and a!) particulars from London Warehouse, 73, ST. JOHN STRFRT. P.« rat ons Goddard's Plate Powde NON-MERCURIAL. The BEST and sarnst | AKTICLE for CLEANING eon BLECTRO- PLATE, &c. FIVE GOLD awarded. bold every where, in Benen tie 2s. 64., and 4s. 6d, To] Mr. HENRY IRVING writes: “I Yind your vasorsexcelient,” Z0R or direct from the | /n Case complete. Black Handle, 5/6 fworg do. TIE From all Dealers, English Depot, 61, Frith Street, Scho | Square, London, Ww. BIHOWARD BEDFORD PORTABLE RAILWAY | BEST « SAFEST D TIERICE AND PERFUMERS, IN ELECANT CRYSTAL TOILET CASKET price 2/6. ALSO IN PATENT 57207 NS aiocn |METALLIC BOX , Cts POST FREE I/- FREE J/- price ]/- COLLINSON & LOCK. FITMENTS. A COMPLETE SYSTEM OF ARTISTIC FURNISHING BED-ROOMS, SITTING: ROOMS, &c., &c. Giving a moniginas of convenience at a foro tnt T of cost. TWENTY COMPLETELY FURNISHED BEDROOMS ON VIEW. 76 to 80, OXFORD STREET, Ww. AXT UNION OF LONDON~ , One Guinea. By receives a fine Line net al by de B. BURGESS, ra hance of one of sep a Tne 1h List will Close March 31. The rot staty. ZOUCH TROUGHTON, ue lan 112, Strand, February, 1688. —$—$—$—$— GRAND HOTEL TRAFALGAR $ LONDON, ENG, —_o— FINEST SITUATION, EVERY LUXURY us COMFORT. MOST RECHERCHE CUISINE. VERY MODER«TE i TARIFF, OXFORD.—MITRE HOTEL ONB OF THE MOST ECONOMIC, FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE 7 r Kies for ditto ditto, mb ie ote ‘cay for same perio, TRELOAR’S LINOLEUN Is WELL SEASONED, AND THEArrORE WEARS WELL. TRELOAR & SONS, 68, 69, & 70, LUDGATE HILL CATALOGUES FREE Established 1832 Eleven Prize Medals DINNEFORD'S MAGNESIA For ACIDITY or rux STOMACH, HEARTIUM HEADACHE, GOUT, and INDIGESTIOS 180, BOND STREET, and all Chemise Borwick's me RtsT Baling can Buy. OW der ROWLANDS ODONTO wee the Teeth, and prevents and arrests (mt 2s. 94. Of Chemists and Perfumers. Buy 20 0 except Rowland’s—the on'y cenwine see Rend eg > ) Mean Teape “41; Mean tow probing reeo Tem & At Mien South of Pua

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ee Marcu 3, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ya |) iN Ny ANS MORE CANTERBURY TALES. ali Srm,—Any impartial reader who has followed the oon- troversy that has recently taken place in the columns of the Times, between Rovutiteper and Father Morkis on the nature of the blows inflicted on the head of St. Thomas, must admit that in his latest rejoinder the worthy Canon has decidedly the advantage of his Let him,” asks the Canon, a practical test, “try the experi- with a sword,” he considerately this is what the Canon anybody who ‘ a blow aimed vertically at glance down either the right or This appeal to antiquarian theory taking quite a morbi say that in all cases I have succeeded in hitting them. Hence my experience has been hitherto somewhat in- conclusive, but I am hoping that a few more chance trials will afford me an opportunity of perfecting it. Meantime, I shall be interested in noting whether Father Morris acts upon the Canon’s hint. I have no : doubt, could he persuade his superior, or even a lay - poataer or ig to let him “go for” their heads with a THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE MUTUAL FLATTERY. |i cee oe ee eeemodity the. rather mites M. le Vicomte Hector du Graillon, “*Do vou know, Serr Jems, ven I ’EaRED tS ee - hin ye - ~ #2 roy gy lee . SONS, YoU spic FRENCH FOR ZE FIRST TIME, I TAKED YOU, BY YOUR ACCENT, FOR ; ict odin ” » FOR A’ we shall hear still something furtherfrom him,—I am, Sir, 'E HILL Faeycamay!” : : Sir James. “ Kwaw, vrayuone, Vexcont! Os—ay swaw, Kono se voos |Your obedient servant, A PracticaL AnTiquakian, ae Medals AY VEW POOR LA PREMIAIR FWAW, J’AY PONXAY, PAR VOTER MANNYAIR DE — 7 aarerenni VOOs HABILLYAY, DE MARSHY, AY DE MONTY A SHEVAL, KER voos erry oon| “Tae Great ‘Twiner’ Breruney.” —Gout and MESIAL OsGtay !” ( They swear eternal friendship. | Rheumatism. (EARTIVM, - GESTION PLAY-TIME. remember, having witnessed it, and having heard many sugges- “tt * 7 - ' I succEsTED last week a course (to which I admitted there were és scamumes Gan te ~ “Ak this interv ad not give k 8 many objections) for ameliorating the generally unhappy conditions | sufficient time for rectification. All sorts of possible faults in of theatrical premiéres. By powsenting pies ext to an audience of | scenery and costume might be set right if the piece were given one experts, many of the otherwise inevi disadvantages of First| week before production in the presence of an audience composed ing ht be avoided. An excellent critical confrere, who is one| not only of Sometie critics, but of other artistic experts, There of ome Marr ARnotp styles, “the young lions of the Daily | is nothing very “‘curious or comical” in such a proceeding ; but ler Telegraph,” roars with laughter at this notion of mine as being | there is cmnathin both “ curious and comical” in the supposition curious and comical.” —_ tear ‘ os this of public opinion being in any way influenced by a criticism written ns _Perhaps so: yet what, in their original intention, were “‘ private|in “hot haste” for the mere sake of being among the first lin the 4 views,” in artists’ studios, of the pictures before they left the easel, ith “an item of ” JACK-IN-THE-Box. D § but appeals to oritioal Dina (uke aaa state ee an ects might be remedied, previous to their appearance on the 4 , walls of the Academy, Grosvenor, or elsewhere? Mind, I don’t say|_ OU® Booxrye-Orrice.—In Longman’s Magazine for March, Mr. that this was the po | private view that occurred to the artists who| Ripen Hacoaxn gives us A Suggested Prologue to a Dramatised initiated the idea. as I not been present at genuine “ private epee ot She.” His stage-directions are delightfully fresh. In views” (not one of those idiotic fashionable Sunday gatherings which | the set of the scene is to be a “* Statue of Truth yy nom dy in back- are the abuse of the original purpose) when a thoughtful suggestion |97ov"d.” There are only two characters in it, Ayesha and Ame- has subsequently adopted by the artist to the | "4#/as, of whom the former has five speeches of nine, seven, eight, e pi Certainly I ave. has xin, oa nineteen ieee seapestively ; and Ay Py S- 5 pes ‘essional i . | Speeches 0 thirteen, twelve, nine lines. ee- ee ad, chey prof advise bmg al Wall is of the gloomiest description, and the action takes place by moon- uction of « piece in camera. ‘And| light. At the finish of Ayesha’s fifth and longest speech, the stage- i frequently adopted? Are there not direction is, ‘‘ Curtain falls for an interval of two thousand years,” ich musical and dramatic critics are admitted before| Ominous this! Farewell, Mr. River Hacearp, for two thousand ic? What are they there for? If merely | Yes Two thousand years! O ma_mére! O my r dear isti M ! Banow pe Book Woxums, other journalistic purposes, no criticism is in| ™U™™y - assist chemesives in writing a more thoughtful ; ¢ : I contend that this preliminary hearing} Tue Pour or “Tue Lancet.”—Mr. Punch says that in this is an aid towards an est discharge of the critic'sduty. But if the| case (referring to a gentle touch from it last week) he doesn’t see critics, among whom I include a variety of experts, are there for|the point, nor feel it. But, on seoond thoughts, the point of a presenting their notes on what they consider errors| Lancet in a case would not be visible, even through the ying and defects to those responsible for the production, then in many | glass of Mr.——‘' Oh, no, we mustn’t mention him ”—or to the acute cases the public, and all concerned in bringing out the work, would | perception of Doctor ——hush!—no—" his name is never heard,” be the and if Mr. Punch breathed it, no matter how gentle the breath, it Tom Tayrtor’s Hidden Hand was heard in camerd, and so have| might be felt in some quarters as “a puff.” ell, *‘ approbation been, I dare say, many other pieces; but this case I happen to| from Sir Husgar Staw ier is praise indeed!” VOL, XCIV, ”

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_ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Maron 3, 1888, {| ** CORPORAL ”’! ''] ruiwx, Six, YOU WILL HAVE NO REASON TO KEPENT PLACING YouR SONS UNDER I MAY MENTION THAT IN OUR TIME WE HAVE TURNED OUT TWO SENIOR WRANGLERS, NEITHER OF WHOM HAVE LOOKED Schoolmaster (at the conclusion of the interview). MY CARE. BACK WITH REGRET UPON THE ConnicoLy——" Parent (self- made man and strong-minded), ‘‘ Tuz—a—EH!—on, SENSE, TURN ‘em OUT, Mister! Neck AND Crop! AND DON'T SPARE THE—A—THE CURREC—OR WHATEVER YER CALL IT.” —( Witha warning look to the Young Gentlemen. )—'' Lut 'Em ’avg 1T!!” it yi (i) | mn Mii au Ta | R : a wl! s Oe gnig.a 1 Mga CERTAINLY—IF YOU KETCH 'EM WRANGLIN’, OR ANY 0’ THAT NON- IN VINO VERITAS! Tux following curious document, which has fallen into Mr. Punch's hands, and has been “done into English” by one of his Young Men who “knows the language,” is evidently an ‘extract from the notes of the Clerk of a Trench Juge d’ Instruction. It would seem that the Magistrate, with the subtle and insidious design of eliciting some damaging admissions from the accused person, had invited him to dinner during the a. Then, w he con- ceived that the moment was ripe, he sa ly brought es bear upon ie “iS gust & the full power « a trained device w y be excused by remembering that a French official is apt to te e wmewhat wide views of his duties in the course of 2. criminal a _ Cak ee e may suppose that erk was previousl concealed in- structed to make a — record of the rete Ram in which it is ~ aed clear that the parties were by no means on an equal ootin Whether the precedent is worthy of being followed or not, will be sufficiently gathered from the official account of its working which begins thus :— [Here M. le Juge signifies in the"agreed-upon manner that I was to make attention, and commence my transcript, » which he by -memavomay an impressive silence during several moments, and then le Juge (as if taken by an access of somnolence), Accushed ! ith far from deshign er .. Jushtish . ta’ any unfair ’vantage | in young man your educash’n an’ _KEER.%. 2. boun’ tell you | behold in me no onger Hosht,—but (Aic) ——y ot Ash yon | exshpeck clemenshy, I adjure you, I implore you, I counshel you, to ~~ yo the “ye “ Accused (who shows himself of an extreme phlegm). But, with all my heart, Monsieur! tof af ) M. le J. Prepare, then, inshanly 3" ‘be ot eted to tremendoush powersh of formirable legal mashine, k nown as a ge | with an effort of memory) Juridishical—no, that ishn’t qui’ ri’— what imports! Jur-dish-idical ’Terrogationsh ! The A. (after a silence a little prolonged). I am awaiting your good pleasure, Monsieur le Juge. M. le J. (who has removed himself in the interval toa _ below the Bench), On shecond thoughts, I blieve I shall ble | crosh-egshamin’ more comforably on er floor ! The A. As Monsieur pleases. Will he have the condescension to put his question P M. le J. gg» = me at ah-pah sheight,! [Second pause. i of the Court, I endeavoured with all respect to ren F e Juge’s attention to the actual poe eer wh of affairs. For some "ies he ~ ied himself in rages yg with an eye full of severit Accused’s legs, whic visible beneath the table, a 3 which he addressed himself a at length, with a moving adjuration, characterised by touching sensibility, M. le J. Young Men, depiegaito on a your hent ne, you have, all four of you, eash onsh ie... ° s* who—well, I don’ r’member wha’ ay yr Musshers uta equal! . By that s name, I warn you -h Scot any Kickelandeshtin’ communicash’n by Rona e while unner | —(Aic) unner that table! me The A. I protest, M. le Juge, that I am but one here—I am all ble of combining myself alone ! . le J. (with an inflexion of irony). Usheless, M’shieu. Sheek not to’ sheape piershing eye—erer—Law . . Come unnerer table, Shir! The 4. (submitting himself with'a shrug). Wherever Monsieur prefers it. M. le J. (with sudden choler). Who are you, M’shieu? Depart— leave sher Court! ne

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Marca 3, 18€8.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —$—$$—$—$<—$—

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“StS

WI) Wiyy - PLL, \ Mi) yw /, SQ SS SAN OUR GRANDOLPH, AS DIOGENES, SEARCHING FOR AN HONEST MAN IN SPRING GARDENS.

The A. (in visible surprise). Pardon, I present myself for ex- ’fraid ... (Here M. le Juge expanded into a smile of a charming amination as desired, Have I then permission to retire ? sweetness.) I’m ‘fraid I’m lil too shleepy thish evening. . . M. Le J. No, M’shieu the Accushed, you (hic) have not. (With Enshanted to’ve sheen you. To the pleashur of meetin’ you ’gain Y ignii i a have fallen ts = Wa Thish inquiry ish (Aic) adjourned, Usher— pash ! (Here M. le Juge refuged himself in an immobility almost Accused len when I tell you you can no | pend statuesque, and t on—your brainsh ish c with al —aleoroll . . . gratitude of the most profound, you are at my mershy, Shir! (Here M. uge puffed with aa f we, ’Low me er refill your glash! I—I don’ know whatI| Comresstons or A Pustiswer.—These confessions, not being full, in 2) was removed, smiling with

shay nexsht!, But —itsh that! (With a paternal | are unsatisfactory. For once, Jonw Sraanox Winter has nipped « é ) Young man, I might t our dishgrashfal con- | good idea in the bud, which would not be strange for an ordinary dishun . - ” extort Sieben fo on , o

culpability exceshive—but I’m | Winter; but this Winter iss very uncommon one.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Marcu 3, 1888, 4 _ _— COSTUMES, AS THEY OUGHT TO HAVE BEEN, FOR THE |“: DRAWING-ROOM LAST FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 24. '' Now 1s THe WINTER OF OUR DISCONTENT.” —SHAKSPEARE, IN RE “WYKEHAMIST” AND “ WYKEHAMITE,” Littera od Punch de ercursu cujusdam parvi Etonensis, Lrrrera, quam legi hodie es jam gravis in me4 animi est respondeo id. ** Quid est in nomen?” ut “SHaxspeanrvus” (aut is qui “ SHAKSPEARIUS” scripsit) dixit. Quid refert ut ‘“‘Wykehamite” est nomen validus (mighty) et ‘*‘Wykehamist” est nomen nebulosus “* misty” vides-ne? Haha!) Wykehamite est similis ‘Midshipmite ” (parvus puer! ) ** Cheese mite” (parvus en) ** Mite” (parvulus puer ut hie Etonensis), sed - ehamist” est similis “ scientist ” (vir qui magnus in seientiA est) “‘ Socialist’’ (homo qui est Socialis Leo) et ** Fist” (si non inteliigis quod hoe est, roga “ Suxu- VANUM”’), Si Etonensis ridet ad nomina nostra, volo dicere “ Ille qui vivit in domo vitreo debet non jacere lapides.” Nam puta | sunt una sors Etonensum vocati ‘Tug- muttonious” ? Et etiam est-ne (‘‘ne aut num” illa est interrogatio) nomen “‘Oppidans” ridiculam? _ Nune claudo hane epistolam et _peto subscribere me ipsum, Tuus Vere, “Wrxenamist” ap Mors, Szep Nouwovix ** WYKEnamirTE.” The Art of Warre. No apology was needed from the Head Master of Eton for lecturing before the Aldershot Military Society on “ Tactics.”” Why, if ever there were a man for the work, it is evidently Dr. Warne. The Reverend Doctor's name is suggestive of the Church Militant. He said he ‘felt timorous before such an audience.” Of course ** Wanrre’s alarms.” Ah! how many a lower boy could give an account of what the ‘‘sinews of WakkE” are like! He will next lecture on ‘the Block System,” and on the attitude of boys in the Head Master’s — Success to Dr. Warne, Pax Doctori Bello! He has made some of them “bellow!” and, when his next birthday arrives, here’s swishing him many happy returns of the A propos or Overworkine Youre Hormayy.— ** What ’s the odds as long as you’re Abbey?” “WHAT A (DRAWING-ROOM) DAY WE ARE HAVING!” Tue following letter, which has been received at 85, Fleet Street, is published for identification :— Saturday, February 25. My pearest Fiona, I am sure that you must be dying to hear how the function went off yesterday. Oh, my dear, we had such a dreadful time of it! lt was so bitterly cold that we nearly didn’t go at all, and Papa, who accompanied us, you know, in his Deputy-Lieutenant’s uniform, looking such a—well, you know, not looking quite his best—was in such a,temper, and used such awful language, that it was perfectly dreadful! The night before we didn’t go to a “‘ first night” at the theatre because we didn’t like to take the horses out into the cold, and yet on any we kept the poor crcatures waiting in the Mall for hours—literally hours! Of course it is awfully nice going to a Drawing-room and being presented, and all that; but in February, any Sone, this kind of thing has its drawbacks. Now, knowing you, I feel that you would like to hear everything from the beginning—now wouldn’t you? Well, I think I told you that it was decided that I should go to Buckingham Palace this yes because Mamma thought that the Queen might be annoyed if stayed away any ially as PLawraceweria SmITHIES ~~ was presented in time for the Jubilee. Papa was rather against it, direadfall and said it was “ nonsense” (he is vexing sometimes!) but of course Mamma had her way, as she always does. Mamma and I had to choose our dresses. It didn’t take me long, as a débutante, you know, dear, always wears white, but Mamma was ages over it! I really think we went to a dozen places to get the stuff for Mamma’s train. Mamma got at last some velvet, em- broidered with pomegranates and tinsel. Then we had such a fuss about whether it should be from the shoulder @ la Watteau or not. It was settled that it had better spring from the waist, which was only putting it a few inches lower, after all. Then we had such a lot of visits from and to Madame Petiorp, trying on altering and all that sort of thing, that I was quite weary of the affair should have liked to have backed out of it. But Mamma wouldn’t let me, as she said that the dear Princess would be so annoyed if I didn’t come, and it would be in such bad taste, considering the sad news from San Remo. So I pemevgeet, and I have been, It is all over! But I must say, thank Goodness! Well, dear, it was awfully cold on Friday morning when I came down to breakfast. It had been snowing a little in the night, and the pavements were quite white. Papa was very cross, because he said it was “ such (something very naughty) nonsense!” And that my mother was old enough to know better. Icouldn’t help saying that I thought it would be useful to me if I went af sto any foreign Court. Papa in an aggravating tone asked ‘* Why?” ** Because,” I explained, ‘‘our Am or would have to ask us to all the Embassy dinners and parties if we had been presented.’ **Oh, would he!” replied Papa, in a most aggravating way. Well, I did not stay long, but rushed upstairs to dress. Passing Mamma'’s room I found her standing on a sheet with the whole strength of the establishment putting her together. I was rather vexed at this, as I thought it a shame to take Lucy, my maid, from me to dress Mamma. However, I was quite ready by the time the carriage came round for us—a little after twelve. It was such a business getting in! Both Mamma and I were lost in a perfect sea of velvet | and satin surmounted by two bouquets, and were just riding off | when Joun touched his hat, and asked if Papa wasn’t going #0 | accompany us? Faney, darling! We had entirely forgotten him' | However, the oversight was repaired, and we were wd up | together in the carriage as close as that dreadful Medical Student, | Cousin Peres, calls ‘* Sardines in a box.”’ We got down to Buckingham Palace before one o’clock, and would | you believe it >—even then the Mall was full of carriages! We took up our position on the ranks, and then, my dear, our martyrdom began! On the whole, I thought it rather fun, but Mamma was dreadfully angry. A number of rude boys would stand looking through the earriage-window making personal remarks, They wo insist upon firing Mamma advice about her nose (which certainly was very red), suggesting that we had better rub it with snow 8% way of getting it back to its original colour. would laugh at Papa’s spectacles. He got outside and walked about # me

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Re in 5. & SEAEEE inal ® &°8s * ems @ Ff eOnmS Dats = Mazcn 3, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 101 keep himself warm, but was driven back into the carriage by their criticism. Oh, it made blinds, but that didn’t do much good, as they “talked at” us from the outside. g For? I was thoroughly ladies who were with us ( appeared, as he was only “* and wasn’t going file. Suddenly I found myself alone wi reading out my train behind me. I walked along, had my me, heard my name called out, curtseyed times, walked sideways, backed, and found someone was going through exactly the same performance in my place! ‘ i ae, not quite: for Mamma and I had to wait two hours iage, as that stupid Joun, instead of remained on the box. costume sp eard taken from Wel while Papa found the loo best coming 2a day speec somehow. 2. To enter the room a little bit late, and so, screwing ’em up to secure an ovation. feoslarity, to it being my first appearance y. the way, to take care to refer to it as ‘‘ This House.” ro precede me encouragingly and good- 6. For form’s sake, pull their Motion amiably to pieces, to show comes to in ‘‘real Partiam ds, the ti of expectancy, 3. Allude, with modest asa er in t assem i 5. Pat the y humouredly on them what amateur de . J: Spring on them an entirely new and ‘Trish Question,” that will mething to talk abou 8. Try and hit the mean level of debate as agreeable to Under- uates’ care, by striking a balance between the style suitable to one of my liveliest performances in the H to The Quarterly, Prrr, Loyal Ulster, etching peroration. . Times’ reporter is there, and that they mean to give me at least four columns the next morning. Prareorr” (his scribble is a bit indistinct, and PLarcorr”) writes to ask, why our grad Codgers’ Hall Comm hours, my dear, we had to wait before a move was made, and then by fits OUR ADVERTISERS. THEATRICAL, NEW DEPARTURE. (If Mr. Wyndham’s lead is to be followed.) pr" LANE.—Closed suddenly, till further Notice. found ourselyes of the Palace, direct Telegraphic Curva to give a series of successful Pantomime, Puss in Boots, at the Pekin, respectfully begs to inform his Patrons, the Public, that, as he has reason to believe that takings enterprise will be simp enormous, he feels that they wi t that no is needed from him for withdrawing it in the full tide of its present gigantic su RURY LANE.—Mr, Avovsrvs Haxnrs having arranged by communication with the Emperor of Representations of the grand and highly Palace, projected instantly ing nobodies dies, we saw the OOLE’S THEATRE.—No Perf i ill di : aa 0 ormance this Evening, or ti + lege BUTLER.—Postronep REPRESENTATION, to find anyone we were quite cordial When we opened if Mr. Toorz finds sufficient mastery tations in the Soloman al hbouring fees for places already booked will nged for some date at which Mr. back again, and will be hich as circumstances will possibly admit of its being done. after giving up one set dear. f was ents fall, ps Well, I won’t weary he begs to state that all unless the latter be yes .L. TOOLE, having just received the august commands His Majesty the Emperor the highly sweet ~ performance of rin those remote vouring to iy Nyy Bt 7 ea entire company, by devoting the whole of his leisure time to its 1 an Ollendorff, he is bound to withdraw the piece till further notice, as he has every reason to he can acquire a study with the aid of - — of the iji experiment intends, i the local dialects, to give Can: bal as s00n retired Missionary or e HE BUTLER.—Mr. Toore would be glad to hear from any t i adapter who would be com- tent to furnish him with a free translation of the above popular arcical comedy into the language of the man-eating Karawejees. (Gone THEATRE.—Closed for the Season. It was all over ! love, ever your affectionate Cousin, P.8.— is laid up with bronchitis, and Mamma is in bed to- from influenza. I am just sending off for the Doctor. | p M: WILSON BARRETT at Yokohama this evening in the ; Golden Ladder. R. WILSON BARRETT having received the commands of His Majesty the Mikado to tion of the part of the Reverend Ladder, which he gives in any in their native tongue, in London till further notice. his powerful representa- Thornhill, in the Golden lish, supported by a Japanese Com- ill not be able in consequence to appear OXFORD MEMORANDA. (Picked up on the floor of the Union, on Wednesday evening last.) 1. To make a good impression Imperial Opera House, Llama’s Court Theatre, Thibet. April Subsequent dates will be published in a R. WILSON BARRETT.—Farther arrangements. March 9, Timbuctoo. March 15, The Grand 1, Theatre Royal, Cape Horn. advertisement. : om CRITERION.—Special Notice. manian vesion of the above AVID GARRICK.—Mr, WrwpnaM and Miss Many Moone will of April, by command of the Surtan, ina above at Constantinople. appear on the Ist Turkish version of AVID GARRICK.—Mr. Wrwpuam and Miss Many Moore will appear this evening, by command of Spanish version of the above at Madrid. a on the 20th inst., by command of the King of Hoxuanp, in a Dutch version of the above at Amsterdam. AVID GARRICK.—Mr. Wrwpuam and Miss Many Moone will command of the Kine, in a Rou- Queen Reexnt, in a appear on the 9th a Persian version of the AViID GARRICK.—Mr. Wywonam and Miss Many Moone will of SOE IF ee Cian the Swan, in above at Teheran. NVETERA it may be “ Aw IwVERTEBRATE deferred to an indefinite the money a icati the Box Office. D GARKRICK.—As Mr. Wrwpnam and Miss Many Moons, ected themselves in all the European and most languages, will not be returning to town for some considerable time yet, owing to the fulfilment of their Continental Management beg to announce that if for the performance of Saturday next be not paid for them will be re-

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

—_——m (Mancit 3, 1868, |

Qy2— mt — = 3B, | <y lll U Bi Ch iy = - ——S Jj ae Kit i. » Lay . l Mi . ye

i ap i , ; yt / p's! 1 i \\}s : uh 2% AY a ‘ tN bids LA idl L- Fy THE MYSTERIES OF HEREDITY. Dr. Lambertson. ‘‘ Yes—rine Giri; put Look AT Her Morasr, Danny! WILL B® LIK® WHEN THEY'RE MIDDLB-AGED, ALWAYS LOOK af THEIR Mcrazars, my Boy,—AND BawARE!” His Son. ‘“‘On Lor, Governor! I say/... Dogs THE SAME RULE APPLY TO Younc FeLtows aNp THEIR FAragrs?” — —_ = Irv YOU WANT TO KNOW EXACIrLY WHAT YouNG GiRLs

“THE BEST OF FRIENDS,” (Some Fragments from Dickens, adapted to the Situation, ) Mrs. Gamp—Mr. W. H. Su-ra. Mrs. Prig—Mr. W. E. Gu-p-st-wx. . . . . * Tae temper of both parties was improvwd for the tims being. When Mrs. Gamr, having cleared away, produced the tea-pot from the top shelf, simultaneously with a couple of wine-glasses, they were quite amiable. ** Bersey,” said Mrs, Gap, filling her own glass, and passing the tos-oet, tl will now propoge a toast. My present pardner, The Dpposition |” ** Which, altering the name to The Government! I drink,” said Mrs. Pie, ** with love and tenderness.” Mrs. Paic, whose remarkable voice was not wholly incapable (as was well known both to her friends and her foes) of the more strident infleetions of anger and scorn, absolutely ‘‘ cooed” out this senti- ment, with a seductive softness that amen | have done no discredit to “the Dove and very blessed Spirit of Peace”’ itself. ‘Now, Sarnan,” said Mrs. Pare, after a due interval, “‘ joining business with pleasure, wot ts this case in which yer wants my assist- ance?” Mrs. Gamp betraying in her face some intention of returning an evasive answer, Betsey added, “‘ Js it that Irish case of yours?” * No, Bersey Pate, it ain’t,” was Gamer's reply. ov Well,” said Mrs. Parc, with a short laugh, “I’m glad of that, at any rate.” * Why should you be glad of that, Berser ?” Mrs. Gaxr retorted, warmly. “The case is unbeknown to yuu, except by hearsay; why should you be glad? That is a case, Bersey, in which I should not think of seekin’ your assistance, seeing as our notion of treatment thereof is as opposite as yaller and green.” ne so, Sargan,” responded Mrs. Pato, with portentous emphasis. e best among us have their feelings, and it must be conceded of Mrs. Peto. that if there was a blemish in her disposition it was an aggravating habit she had of subtly suggesting, whether by oracular word or significant expression, a great deal more than she actually said. This subtle trick of hers, whilst it made her many covert enemies amongst her ostensible friends, prevented her oftentimes from securing temporary friends am er normal enemies. It is certain that her countenance became about this time quite Sphinx- like in its significancy, and that she sat with her arms folded and one eye open, in a somewhat offensive, because obtrusively intelli- gent manner, as who should say, ‘“‘ Mild I may look, and mother’s milk I may speak, but [ am a very Old Monthly Hand, and you don’t get over me.” ** You think aperiently, Berszy Parc,” said Mrs. Gap, “‘ that my treatment of that same Irish case is bound to be weak. Excuge me if I makes remark, that it may neither be so weak as people thinks, nor perme may not think it so weak as they pretends ; and what I knows, I knows; and what you don’t, you don’t; so do not ask me, Berser.” ** Who’s a asking of you, Satrey?” Mrs. Paria inquired. Mrs. Gamp returned no answer. } “Wao’s a asking of you, Satrrery?” Mrs. Paice inquired again. Then Mrs. Paria, by reversing the question, imparted a deeper and more awful character of solemnity to the same. ‘* Sarney, who’s a asking of you?” . It seemed the nearest possible approach to a very decided differ- ence of opinion between these two ladies ; but Mrs. Paic’s impatience to know more of the contents of that tea-pot being greater at the moment than her impatience of contradiction, she did not push the question too pertiencioay, and when Mrs. Gamp replied rather evasively, “‘ Nobody, if you don’t, Bersey,” she sombrely but silentl coqeieney in that peace-making process known as ‘* drop- ping the abject.” For a quarrel can be taken up at any time, but a limited uncertain quantity of, let us say refreshment, in a tea- pot cannot. ! L As to the particular in ients which constituted the mixture ia

that tea-pot, Mrs. Pure felt and displayed a devouring curiosity. 5

muvh so that she presently counterfeited that abstraction of mind

ov a1 puw Zurpucdsess0 uoTy susig puY “uC g s . 3 3 g : z ve HAIKS “HAA 1K) OU} JO COUNZJETEET OY) OAT PL ROA OF IVQI Pezen.s),,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI—Maac: — — Se i ~~, “THE BEST OF FRIENDS.” MY PRESENT PARDNER, THE OPPOSITION!” Mus. Gamr (the Right Hon. W. H. Sm-th). *‘ I WILL NOW PROPOGE A TOAST. Mrs. Paro (the Right Iu, W. E. Gl-dst-ne). ‘‘WHICH ALTERING THE NAME TO THE GOVERNMENT, I DRINK WITH LOVE AND TENDERNES3.” — Geancvens 7 hoped that Her Majesty’s Governmeat wo :1'd meet w) at he tad sa‘d in ‘arliamentary Report, eb. 25.) (Mr. W. H. Ssrrea “ trasted that he would have the assistance of the Hon. and Right Hon. Gentlemen opposite.’ a corresponding and reciprocal epirit.’’ é

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Marcu 3, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 105 which hes ite origie Se enanatiyp attention to eno tenlo, and stnctebed out her hand in the direction of the tea- It was more than Mrs. Gamp could —_ gy the of Mrs. Paic with her own, and said, with great eeling — “No, Bersexy! Play fair, wotever youdo!” — ' Mrs. Paic, thus baffled, threw herself back in her chair, and, closing the same eye more emphatically, and folding her arms tighter, suffered her head to roll slowly from side to side, while she surveyed her friend with a peculiar smile. ; She said nothing. But (as husbands and Members of Parliament well know) there are ways of saying nothing which are more sug- gestive, -_ more provocative, the most exuberant verbosity can be. In this ettitude, and with this demeanour, did Mrs. Paro await results. Whether those results were destined to be as amicable and mutually satisfactory as certain more or less friendly passages between the two ladies had seemed to promise,—well that, of course, remains wt seen. But it is proverbial that ‘‘ The best of friends —must pa , A FIRST NIGHT AT THE PLAY. (By Our Own Impressionist. ) Berore the First Act of the new piece commenced, I found the theatre crowded in 7, part. Certainly there were gaps in the stalls (subsequently to the consider- able inconvenience of the earlier theatre- goers) and also a box or at most two unoccupied, but these again received their allotted tenants before the opening scene was over. I may safely say that the house was full, and now I will, as re- quested, give my impression of the andi- ence. For once let the play stand over as the Judges have it, “for further consideration,” and let me confine my attention to those who had come to pass ia and who remained to be in- spected. To begin with the Gallery. Perhaps it : contained the most genuine portion of the ’ pablic in the whole puilding. By gone , public I mean ms who go to the play ‘ to enjoy themselves, and have no objection to paying for the privilege. The Gallery cheered and laughed and did just what they pleased. When they detected what they may have thought was favouritism— when there was an unnecessary cheer for the Manageress for instance —they hissed. But on the whole they were pleased and not ungener- ous. In a like manner the Upper Boxes were equally fair and appreciative. But when I come to the Stalls, Private Boxes, and Pit, I — a very different story to tell. They shall have a new paragraph. The ‘* better parts” of the house were full of what are technically known as “‘dead heads.” They were very nice and intelligent and proper ‘dead heads,” but still “‘dead heads,” and it is the rule of dead heads” never to applaud anything ; so the dramatic critic of this organ of public opinion, and the dramatic critic of that, pre- served a discreet silence, only broken when they whispered a profes- sional jest to a neighbouring colleague. Of course, they had a perfect right to be there, as it was their business to notice the piece before them. oa whether this and that lady of mature ut bal on eq Cc. and whether it oun a have been or the piece they been conspicuous by their a ce. However, the denizens of the Stalls and Private Boxes behaved they throw off all restraint, and require a policeman to keep them in order. They are, after all, onlya small minority, and it seems a pity that the majority of pit-goers, who presumedly have paid their money to enjoy rationally an evening’s entertainment, do not turn pag critics of the counter, and insist upon their silence or expulsion. And now, having had my say, I turn to the piece for a moment. It was called The Mystery @ Hansom Cab. I certainly saw the Hansom Cab, and in the First Act noticed that it drove off deliberately with a lamp-post. What it did with that lamp-post appeared to be the mystery. But then I frankly admit I gave more attention to the audience than to the performance “ANY ANSWER?” Dear Ma. Purcu,—Accidentally taking up a quarterly, not The Quarterly, which is rather too heavy to be taken up without an effort, I found the following passage among its ** Notices of Boo! a “We read also of a le which, in spite of fi occupation, and in spite of systematic Govemmnanne efforts to stifle Qoadind life, clung with dogged tenacity to its nationality; and at last after centuries of oppression, won for itself its legislative and executive independence. The wrongs from which —— suffered under the —— rule appear to have been the confiscation of land for —— settlers, an absentee aristocracy, an impoverished peasantry, a close official class ruling the country according to —— notions and in ——- interests, &c., &c., &e.”" Is this about Ireland and England? Anyone who should think so would be very much abroad, seeing that the above is only a compre- hensive summary of Professor Arminius Vampfry’s book, entitled Hungary. Only about Hungary, you left in the quotation, words i “ ” 4 ” 4 may be filled up according to the taste and fancy of the reader. ne theorists assert that Hungary has not been benefited by its National Parliament, but, they have the Professor’s opinion experience of actual fact against them. Once the late Mr. Krnastxy wrote a memorable book entitled What then d «s Dr. Newman mean? which had the one invaluable effect of drawing from the eminent person to whom the inquiry was addressed that marvellous specimen of plain English under the Latin title Apologia pro vitd sud, which effectually silenced the unfortunate in ! Now wouldn't it be a boon to a majority of zled Englishmen, if someone would publish a pamphlet enti What then does Mr. Gladstone mean? if this would have the effect of eliciting such a lucid reply as was given in the instance above quoted. What an ~ peewee A for an Apologia pro vitd sud, by * Mr. G.” with a ace succinctly, and without any sort of ambiguity, explaining t he does mean and what he does not mean, and what he does not intend to mean by Home Rule. I should this sort of friendly arrangement viz., that Mr. Cuapiuon sho put the question—a game not unlike “‘ putting the stone,”’—which ‘' Mr. G.” should at once to answer. ‘* Magna est veritas,” as Mr. Lanovcnere says when the circulation of Truth goes up half-a-dozen or so, Yours meditatively, Ew Revewant pE 1A Revor. **To be Baron Knutsford ”’ ‘* VorzA ce que l’on dit de moi— Dans ‘la Gazette,’—de Hollande.” La Grande Duchesse, SUGGESTION FOR RE-ARRANGING A SCENE IN COURT. themselves, and, if apathetic, were at any rate not uncourteous.| From a report of the Walden-Borrowes assault case we extract But the Pit! I really must give a fresh paragraph to the Pit! tid In years gone by, when Stalls were unknown, the Pit was the| “Mr. Partridge. You said I prejudged the case. You took me to task, place for critics. Even now it retains some of its old prestige, | implying that there was favouritism. thanks to the attendance of the average middle-class playgoer; but| Mr. Lesley. No, Sir. I beg your pardon. on o Tusk Night it is intolerable. The Pit is leavened by adozen| €r. Partridge. If you are ever on this Bench, &c., &c.” unpleasant-looki general] trive to secure place ; inthe front row, and whoee object it is to Greate a disturbance, No| Binrsr tiving hime lesture, New, i the wounded Paxrazpon had souks these —_ unpleasant-looking — during the day have | heen quite alive to the situation, the dialogue should have ran thus : eineneed a | Mr. Partridge. You took me to task, implying that there was ot night they azo the sectors of the situation, “Te is otona’y to |‘S7O0Cit ular & permi them ; : FH rT, besey uot rejram of a rm un : ked oie ie performances _—_a jm anal Druriolanus’s aude of "87). * fo, Sir, | beg your pardon.” by night’s performance, i fovate indfriduals strive to make, /r 7 ita oo od pecan) — our apology. (% it go “ ” : - poe 0 JYourt.) ** For he 's a jo ellow, and so say a thar fours pt we ee Fe Wanead be opm ot us.” (Chorus by everyone heartily. And now, Gentlemen, they i; if a scene sticks for a moment in the a carpenter, us resume the case. they hoot. ete al ae 30 ot, Gare Dave base alos: to Be And there would have been an end of the matter for ever. 0, si wholesome discipline of the shop or the clerk’s office, but at night | sic omnia /

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Maron 3, 1888, ey -. A Ro. Cee Cee OUR FISHERY-COMMISSIONERY YOUNG MAN. J-s-ph Chmb rin (gaily). “Sport? Way certarnty! ENJovep MYSELF AMAZINGLY, you Ber. Ir 1’m Askep ‘WHAT'’s THENET RESULT! Is IT BARREN?’ I SHALL RerLy, ‘Stn, THE RESULT Is BARREN-NET-sEE!’ Gurss THAT's NOT BAD For Josern. O Reservorn! as we Fisuery-ComMMISSIONERS SAY.” ON THE CARDS. Srx,—That is certainly a curious fact recorded the other day in the papers, of the thirteen trumps all being contained in one hand at Whist, but is scarcely less strange than the experience of having dealt thirteen successive hands, not one of which contained a single trump. Yet this very thing happened to me quite lately. Travelling the other day from Portsmouth to London, three perfect gentlemen got into the train at Winchester, and, pulling down the window-blinds, proposed that I should join them at a rubber of Whist. | consented, and we had a most enjoyable game for points. But by some curious chanee neither I nor my partner held a single trump the whole time, and, as our opponents marked four by honours, and seven b every single deal, I found myself, on arriving at Waterloo, indebted to a in Devceace to the amount of £147 3s., for which, not having, of course, so much cash about me, I gave him, at his suggestion, an uncrossed me. This, however, by the way. I only mention it in connection with the curious run of ill luck to which I have referred, and which, as it is a complete puzzle to me, | must leave to your readers, if they can, to explain. I am, Sir, yours, obediently, Sr1a,—The chances of the thirteen trumps falling to one hand ‘at Whist, are nothing like 1,308,902,716 to 1 as somebody says. Why 5 to 1 is nearer it, or for the matter of that, you may it evens, and make it a certainty, You have only to prepare a pack and keep it under the table, and there you are. Take my case. I am in the habit of playing three- ‘whist every evening with a couple of short-sighted invalid uncles for half-a-crown arubber. Whenever I have the deal I whip the off the table and produce the one I have result is I score all the honours and all uncles were at first astonished at the phenomenon, | they are now quite accustomed to it, and taking it as a matter of course, frankly admit that I have “re. | | markable luck.” I should rather think I had. | Yours, quite wide-awake, Tommy SHanpz, Sre,—Your Correspondents have furnished you with some interesting experiences in connection wit | te which, if you wi it me, I will add one of my | jown, Being invited the other evening to join a party | |at_a well-known West-End Card Club, I found myself, | |after passing in through a back entrance, soon seated | | Blaying in tarn Nap, Unlimited Loo, and Poker, and | | drinking Cham e in tumblers in a room secured against the sudden irruption of the Pclice by locked doubledoors. After three hours at this I fancy I must | have settled down to Whist at ten guinea points, and | | only rose from the table on finding I held apparently a | | double set of everything in my hand. Protesting against | |this extraordinary phenomenon and knocking over a lamp, my partner, and several chairs and tables to em- — my objection, a mé/ée ensued, the details of which cannot distinctly call to mind, but at the end of which | I found myself in a back street near the Haymarket, with my pockets turned inside out, my watch gone, my dress coat slit up my back to the collar, and a portion of an umbrella-stand in my right hand. Im to reach my home in Bayswater owing to the timely assistance of a friendly policeman, but I have not yet solved the mys- tery of the ‘‘ double d.” It was certainly remarkably curious, Yours enigmatically, Dovsitz Domsy. Srr,—That thirteen-tramp deal can be managed, and I’ve had recourse to it myself—on occasions, very suc- oo ; but it’s too flashy for good aay ae play. For this I have always found marked backs with, of course, a little attention to the turn-up, the safest and most useful method of procedure in thoroughly respect- | able and unsuspecting circles. Of course, there’s| Hanky-Panky suitable for all games; but, epesking | for myself, I never feel quite so at home as I do at | écarté. Give me my New York coat with manipulating sleeves, and a couple of kings up each cuff, and there’s no one—not even Major Smoorn himself—who’ll prove a match for Yours, very truly, Vow Tromp, TWO STRIKING TESTIMONIALS. Urwanps of three hundred persons presented Mr. PottitzeR, the eminent violinist with a testimonial in the shape of a gold repeater. Was the gift a dziicate reminder to him to be as correct in his time as in his tune ? lf so, it was scarcely complimentary. Or was it to intimate that Mr. Potzirzer should follow the ex- ample set by his new repeater, and always take an encore | when pressed? ‘‘ Brother” Parxryson, Grand All-sorts- of-dignities of the North, South, East and West, also received a splendid repeater in recognition of his valuable services rendered to the Drury Lane Masonic Lodge. Every act the Band of Brothers perform is, or ought to be, symbolical, and so the tation of o valuable gold repeater, should mean that a Brother in distress must never forget that he has an Uncle ever ready to assist him: that, if in trade, one n should be always willing to “ tick” another Mason: that, good works” are absolutely necessary; that “‘ Hands” must never strike,—that not being their department; and finally that by constantly wearing the repeater, the richest, the strongest, of us will be perpetually re- minded that he ought always to keep a good watch on himself. Such are the words of wisdom from the mouth of The Universal G. M. Punch. So mote it be! Now from Labour to Refreshment !

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oe = ee BESERSES SAR ES oe ’ RE — —S"S55 85557 we Re wR Saw TAP s TB S2Peraeatean ben SST ai Sesea> \ Marcu 3, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. odie i a Gn Tat eh ae ieee i ib! sR ald? yi Kal val VY Sis Ge Ni Peck wi rug B ee House of Commons, fiom HAME Granam back to-ni F og . Granam had Prisoner of Pentanville. clanking chain at heel, with bow! of skilly unde left 1 . sth, Sr Ea of besad. Nothin m = ft — gt - cular, Closes his eyes and opens his an ve their money re ORST lar. oses his eyes mou’ Uist, in present state of finances of India, demand could, Bead Friern and Se some of the earliest “ fruit” of the famous | ca to explai not be entertain Mitchelstown telegram night, garnered amid loud cheers. CHAPLIN resumed Debate on| “‘Can at a moment’s notice dress, calling attention to Agricultural on Pie are romised tableau vivant seqpeaseaing as to have entered in gaol clothes,| After this, debate naturally of the kind. Put on hi = this “snbjert, strategleally. coupled. 6 omy Ady e kin on his su 8 occu ear 4 + cn Bench’ behind Ministers. th ; a hie his maanve b * Assh-Nesh, pine Piarissime i FEDIRRORT THE meee Night, February 20.— ~Compmre.| Benth observing which, Howanp Viwcent good ry crowded, in expectation of | that he “did not intend to imperil existence of the Government.” Old Morality reassured. Goscnen gratified. lapsed into ‘discussion on Indian disappointment in Strangers’ |gymmastic exercise on ‘that Goscuew was asking about on Friday | a ittle manowuvre wit ion in England, a} | which to receive TeMPLe's welcome change from the twanging of Erin's everlasting harp. | do some night.” OWaRD Vincent took But these he explained ity of recomme: cnly prelimiaary remarks. Will at later) | filled with poi stage submit the question in. tie poets manner, Agitation on Treasury precincts of The ban m ee caciezess OS & cpems oo SS must = hd sound | stares wi around, closes his eyes, opens mouth, me Colonel Pacet, who = seed epost he has use it asa el tt break off, as it is sure to nding Protection. | Tim Heaty, wit is with us wine otee days, rs has _

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108 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL a. {Maron 3, 1888, the Knight of the Star of India was trying to go to sleep. Tix had placed on paper notice to ask Mr. SPzaKER r he ed this as a case of “a rest within the precinets of the House.” Saw his error in time. : Tem Pce tells me that this phenomenon, which sometimes paralyses crowded Hous, is an exercise something of the massage kind, only much more efficacious. Wonderfully refreshing, he says, and wants R. N. Fowrer to try it. But, as Fowier says, it’s a matter of neck or nothing, and Natare has given Alderman more nothing than neck. Business done.—More debate on Keeps up appearances before with a congenial soul discloses despair. Tells me he never quite got over the Sage of Queen Anne’s Gate’s announcement of hi disciple, a convert to that great work entitled 4 Defence of Philo- sophece Dowbt. Always thought pretty well of the book till then. Now views it with secret horror. Furtively buys up stray copies, and burns them at midnight. Heavier still the blow fallen upon him to-night. The Sage having hailed him as a Master, the Sage’s colleague at Northamp- ton now claims him as a disciple. By some fatality, as if he had not enough to contend with in Ireland, ArTuvr got himself entangled to-night in debate on condition of the Crofters. Delivered luminous speech, tracing the cause finally to over-population ; whereupon Brap- LAveH gets up, recalls his own life-long crusade inst over-population, rapturously welcomes his new and unexpected colleague, and holds out across floor of House a more or less ‘*’orny ’and.”’ “It’s too much, Topsy,” said Batrovr, in a weary voice, and placing his feet among the other ornaments on the chimney-piece in the Chief Secretary's private room. ‘* Lappy gave me a sore stab with his approval of my pamphlet. But BrapLaven given me a death-blow. I shall give up politics, retire from Parliament, and take to writing articles Din The Nineteenth Century.” Said what I could to cheer him, and hope he’ll reconsider his determination. But is evidently hard hit. House busy to-night discussing sad condi- tion of Crofters. Camzroy moved an Amend- ment in a enetely-segeee : told a melancholy s hopeless The Cameron Pibroch. It was this that led Anraur Batrovur into the pitfall. It was all, he said, due to yy: and the only ** Same policy in destitute Scotland as in Tr Hearty, who hasn’t left us yet. r! r! Register!’ used to be a political shibboleth. Now it’s ‘ Emigrate! Emigrate! Emigrate!’’ Business done.—Crofters’ Amendment to Address rejected by 194 votes to 133. Thursday.—In the Lords, Srrata- EDEN - AND - CAMPBELL turns up — fresh after long silence of Recess. It is, as usual, E that concerns him. Can’t sleep o’ nights thinking of Bul- garia. Suggests a Conference. Hints that now the Markiss is too much en- gaged in home affairs to undertake the duty, perhaps he (S.-anp-C.) might find time te attend Conference as British Commissioner. Usual thing, when § STRATHEDEN- AND-CAMPBELL succeeds in rising, for Markiss to have special engagement elsewhere. To-night om on. Appeared to be listening. us encouraged 8.-anwp-C. enlarged upon subject. Brought in loose passages of speeches prepared any time since Berlin Sonteenae, Tacked them together any- how. Shovelled them out, and y oo himself. FRSCHELL standing at doorway watched Markiss with amazement. ** What is he up to?” Up to the mark, that was quite certain when he rose, and to amazement of few Members present, and supreme satisfac- tion of 8.-anp-C., gravely discussed the “ ; “ matter. Talked epigrammatically about What is he up to? Conferences and their probable results; flouted ‘‘ what is called the Concert of Europe ;” jibed at the Institutions of Bulgaria ‘‘ working remedy is emigration. oe Tuesday.—Antuvr Batrovr really in low spirits to-night. | House. But in private intercourse | _ | anything else that in a sortof way,” and airily disposed of apprehensions of war ab ut | 80 small a matter. ; , “ What is he at?” Henscwert, Roving left his post of obserya- tion and dropped in on Front Bench, asked GaanvILie. * Don’t you see the substantial Czar standing behind the shadow of SraaTHEepEN ? (zax promulgated this morning his views about | Bulgaria, and the Markiss finds 8.-anp-C. useful for once in his life, Talks to him and at the Czan. Really very pretty.” ** All very well, my Lord,” said Roszpgry to Markiss, when they met in the cloak-room. ‘“‘ But you’ll have to suffer hereafter, You’ve wound up STRATHEDEN-ANp- CamPBkLL, and you'll have him going sat bn for months to come,” “That’s true,” said the Markiss, gloomily. “I wish we could get STRATHEDEN to pair with Campsgu for the rest of the Session.” In Commons that arch agitator, Suoaw-Lerevaee, tells of his hair- breadth ‘scapes in Ireland; how he defied the Government ; and how an Executive, backed by an innumerable force of mailéd men, quailed before his calm but searching glance, and furtively put some one else in prison. ** Autobiographical,” was AkTHUR BaLrovukn’s sneering criticism on this latest contribution to debate on Irish affairs. Thereafter took his own turn for something over an hour in reply. To speak for less than an hour on Irish affairs has come to be a mark of mean- spiritedness, The other night Giapstows so angry with Arntuur Batrovr for speaking an hour and forty minutes that he took two hours and five minutes to rebuke him. Business dene.—Report of Address agreed Friday, Midnight.—Doratp Curnte just arrived from Cape, where, Witrrip Lawsox tells me, he has been engaged in missionary enterprise. ‘‘ Glad I caught the boat,” he said, in his breathless manner. ‘* Wouldn't | have missed this for anything.” | Something, indeed, to see, Since House met at half-past four, it has achieved complete somersault, turned itself inside out, or done “ Just arrived!” ooks or sounds earthquaking. Under Conserva- tive Government bloodless revolu- tion brought about. Every- thing changed. 1 to begin sittings where sometimes in old days left them off. Speaker to be put to bed at mid- night, or one (clock, at very latest. ** Nune dim- mittis!” says Josern GILLIs, dropping into French, as is his wr pe ow way “1 affected. “ No more larks. No more All-night Sittings. Nomore nothing. House was getting respectabl thought of ap- THE JEUNE PREMIER. Mr. Punch (Critic). “ Bravo, Herbert! You gave 80 your speech uncommonly well the other night. Didn't @, think you had it in you.” Young Mr. G. (playing under the name of Herbert). plying for Chil- “ Glad you were pleased with it; everybody seemed to tern Hundreds. like it. “You see { can get a chance now and then, whea Shall now ask for the Governor ’s not on in the same scene.” : the Chiltern Thousands.” Business done.—House determined t meet at Three in the Afternoon, and shut up at Midnight. “Me. Lanovcugne’s AMENDMENT.”—We are glad of his amend- ment, and hope he will go on amending until he is perfectly well. there will be no exception. CH NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will im mo case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule

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ne ve at Ber PUNCH, OR THE LONDON OMANIVARL—Manon §, 1888 OF ALL TAILORS AND HOSIERS. If any difficulty in obtain- ing, or other Stretchers are suempted to be substituted, send P.O O. (with 6d, extra for carriage) to the Makers, 7, Pamir Lane, Loxpvox, E.0, The enormous Sale this Invention commands js the best test of its merits, IMPOBTANT.— Avoid imitations, and insist yh qaMaicon & 00,’8 PATENT, @ach of which is stamped | JOHN HAMILTON *& CO'S | TROUSERS STRETCHER PRICES, Polished wpinas Clamps, Mickel Bod and Fittin Polished Bireh Clamps, Bronze ‘aitto Plain Ditto ditto Plain Bireh Clamps, Rod not jointed 1 Beware of the party offering Imitation: of KACHIVEN & CAMEROWS PENS. « come as 3 boon and a blessing to men, Bate, ts Ov sat i Wer Fee.” Try “THE FLYING ‘J? PEN,” wee rey. Ai" pen whieh ue rt words with ons Sample Boz, with all kinds, by Post, ls, 1d, PATENTEES: MACNIVEN & CAMERON, 22, Blair St., Edinburgh. (Zstd. 1770.) Peruscens to HM. Goveanuert Orrices. “\WELCOME ALWAYS, KEEP IT HANDY,” “\GRANTS’ MORELLA GHERRY BRANDY.” Ma y THOMAS GRANT & *0ONS, MAIDSTONE, BURKE'S ~~ oo WHISKEY, 7 THE MOST DELICATE WHISKEY IM THE WORLD. BOTTLED IN DUBLIN. address in the United Kingdom. PRICE 42/= PER CASE, E. & J. BUREE, DUBLIW. gticn- | COLD Cem, » Oe EXHIBITION, 1878. RICHD. MATHEWS & % and @, WARY Br. Ak Atteess pe... late of Albany st Agents for India :—Curcen, Pause, @ Co. A doce bottle, as a sample, will be sent post free to any addt: ss on receipt of P.O. for ts. 6d. QLD VINTAGE PORTS. 1861, 1863, 1865, 1868, 1870, 1872, &c. a gegesnTRsD. HNSON & SONS, wane al be ida YORKS. Est, AD. 1790. Cases as imported. 5, Regent Street, W. KINAHAN’S. -rusqx0u PURE, MIL p, AND LL PER AnE. DELICIOUS 4x wutitias = WHISKY. THE PRIZE MEDAL, DUBLIN EXHIBITION, 1865. 20,GREAT TITCH FIELD STREET, LONDON, W THE SPECIFIC FOR NEURALGIA. Toa ome eon nme Sie maintain iCongar: eBective 7 yx — R. in cies Has we ow Srey a mad | ASHAW & G0°S|i eae it."—Maepicat Passs, 4s. 6d., and lis. Of all Chemists BEST AND NEAVE’S FOOD [22° CHEAPEST. vy a , CLARKE’S NEW PATENT FAIRY-PYRAMID” LAMPS IN FLINT OR COLOURED GLASS, Trade-Mark, “ FAIRY PYRAMID.” BSIGNED FOR BURNING CLARKE'S PYRAMID” LIGHTS. Zo mort tho Comens Mi © + Lamp than “ Pairy ” Lamps or tee recommends the PAIRY , for lowness of price, and beauty of 4 any im the market. These are ‘atent “Pyramid” Lights, are ot ar ay - decorative ‘ « Pairy” Lé BB —Ask for r PYRAMID LIGHTS, to burn uu a nee fo of the Lemire and times. mrs at the CMICKLEW COD, LOS Bry Piece, Hotsone Cr “ EARTSETTE Tue Geeat Caro Gawe ror 3, 4 on 6 Pravens Amusing, Exeviing & ‘Inteliectwat Supersedes Whist, Loo and Nap- Of afl Dealers i Paney ney Goods throughout the World, ad Berbers Fiieh & Co.. 0. Bury St Londen, E.G, Wal? 49 DRINKWATER’S SPORTSMAN’S | LINIMENT —.... ; RurUMATH M, Govt, HUN HEL 1 LUMBAGO, SPRAINB, ewe without internal medicine, Sole NEURALGIA, . Bowanpe & Bow, 187 Quees SORE THROAT. 7 of if 6t. Peul’s Churen In Bottios, ls. 194. and 2s. 0d yan bud ser meat Price 4s. por bettie. = a S ENAMEL. GOLDEN HAIR — ROBARE'S S AUREOLINE ASPINA tg Ao USEFUL. ~ij- U4: Colour 0 talours exquisite. Burlace like Poretiain ad tubes: —~ fe Ag For Indoor and Outdoor Work, i Renoveting 64. and ae. ‘a, ci I pri ” reine. Bold every where. ins Post Pree ondon erdumprs tn and vhe mist thfoug bout | Worid. Agen, K. Lo pew & Bows, 31 and 32, herners Street, london, W. ERRY DAV VEGETABLE Get le to-day of PERRY DAVIS’ PAIN KILI En. the bides Hest, and widely-knowa Family Medic: ne le nthe ese tinestan: 0 Grocers (only in Lead - + 4 trem ——— Tue Ceros ta Acency, Thames Steet ns, E. e, Toothache, Headache, Pains im the pas down, and Limbs, and all Ne ura gic and Kh aay Chemi fan sGpply it et Vite nd 2 por bottle. Gold Medal, As EE Paris, 1878. JOSEPH GILLOTT’S STEEL PENS A LAXATIVE, REFRESHING FRUIT LOZENGE, VERY ns TO TAKE, TAMAR a in. INDIEN "ie , GRILLON. ce | = GRILLON, 69, Queen Street, City, London, SOLD BY ALL OHEMISTS AND DRUGG@ISTS, Qe. G4. A BOK. J

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Maroa 10, 1888, NEW NOVEL BY THE AUTHOR OF “MI88 BRETHERTON.” At all the Libraries, in 3 volo., post @¥0, ROBERT ELSMERE. Ry Mee HUMPHRY WARD, Author of “ Miss lrethertca,” &¢ Funes, & Co, 16, Waterloo Place How ready, Voi L. and IL, to be completed in Right Qaerter 7 Vols email 4to, cloth, ls. 64. each, THE HENRY IRVING SHAKESPEARE. F4ited by EEMZY ISVING anf FRANK A. MARSHALL, and libustrated by GORDON BROWNE Prospectus. Post Free, ot application. BLACKIE & 8ON, @ and ©, O14 Bailey. Lendon Sworn © ls. Monthly. MACMILLAN’ 8 MAGAZINE. No. M1, for MARCH Comrarts. Chris; by W. EB. Norris. Chapters X—XIL Thomas Moore, »y George Saintebury. Rigtt and Wrong; by Ernest Myers. The Bird of Dawning The © College tm Bologna; by Edward Aru Blrong The Reverberater; by Henry James. II1., IV. The Death of Cleopatra. The Profession of Letters. Europe and Marocee ; by Harold A. Perry. MACMILLAN & ©0., LONDON BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINE. Wo. 869.— MARCHE 1888.——2s. 64. ConTsrrTs, JOTCR. Cheps. XLI.—XELIV. MARY STUART IN SOOTLAND.IL MAIT- LAND AND CRCIL. By Joun Suntrox, C.B. SOME ASPECTS OF AUSTRALIAN LIFE. OY6TER-CULTURE AT ABCACHON, TOO LATER. Aw Brearnar Romance. By the Raat or Rossirs A DEAD MAN'S VENGEANCE CYPRUS UNDER BRITISH RULE. A NEGLECTED PARADISE LAND, POPULATION, AND WEALTH IN THE WESTEMN ISLES. By KReotxacy MecLzop. TECHNICAL EDUCATION, By Professor G. G. Kamest THE OPENING OF PARLIAMENT. WILLIAM PLACK WOOD hadint NOTICE.—oLpD ENGLISH HOMES. The Gress of a Series of Tllustrated Papers on CLD ENGLISH HOMES appears in THE ENGLISH ILLUSTRATED MACAZINE For MARCH. Profusely Tilustrated, price 64.; br post, 6d. The Number contains :— 1. Queen Elizabeth. Portrait at Penshurst. (Fron- Lisp eae ) 2. Glimpses of Old Bagieh Semen. I. Penshurst. by Biizabets Nei ho With Ilustrat ons 3. The Mediation of Ralph Hardelot Chaps. X VITI. —xKxX continued). By Professor W. Minto. «& The lish Art. By Water Armstrong. With llust: ations after Cozens, Turner, and Girtia. 6. Reundel By Charlies Sayle 6 Coaching Da: and Coaching Ways. —“ The Highton pad by W. Outeam Tristram With lLilestrations by Merbdert Kailten and hugh Themeon. 7. Darkness. A Poem. By D. J. Robertsca. 6. Et Cetera. By H. D. Trail Ornamental Friezes, Headings, Initial Letters, &c. eor28¢ Sere a™p BONG, argh and London MACMILLAN @& THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY ESTABLISHED 1825. Accumulated Fund, 64 Millions Stg, co., LONDON FOR PROTECTION LINIWLSIANI ? EDINBURGH, 8 George &t. (Head Office) LONDON, 83 King William Street, B.C. o 8 Pall Mall East, 6.w. DUBLIN, 66 Upper Sackville Street. Branches & Agenciss in India & the Colomias. FRY’S PURE CONCENTRATED COCO A SOLUBLE “TI consider it @ very rich, delicious Cozoa.”—W. H. R. STANLEY, M.D. GENERAL ILLUMINATION on MARCH 10rz. CLARKE'S PATENT “FAIRY” LAMPS AND “FAIRY” LIGHTS. FOR ORNAMENTALLY LIGHTING DRAWING and BALL ROOMS, CONSERVA- TORIES, EVENING FETES, TABLE DECORATIONS, &c, Awarded a SPECIAL GOLD MEDAL by the ROYAL BOTANIC SOCIETY, at the Evening Fétes of June 30th and July 7th, 1886. CAUTION TO PURCHASERS —The unprecedented success achieved by this “ Pairy” system of Nghting bas i: duced several unscrupulous manefacturers and dealers to substitute, for the sake of extra §8in, worthies: imitations ; lamps not having proper ventilation, the lichts flicker. Purchasers are Cautioned to see that the Lamp bears the name“ 5. Clarke,” ani Trade Mark “ Pairy.” “FAIRY” LIGHTS, im the “ Pairy” Lamps, burn 10 hours each. Boxes, containing six lights cach, le. per box. These lights hav double wicks are the best for burning in the “ Fairy” Lamps, but if a subdued Nght will suffice. P¥ RAMID LIGHTs are the best substitute, at half the cost. OU or common night | ghts should never be used GENERAL ILLUMINATION, March 10th —“ Fai 8 Ci\ARKE’s New ;--t tor LN or OUIDOOK that the Trade Mark “ -'Prramid ” is on the Lamp N.B.—GEN ERAL i UMINATION, March 10th. Orders should be given as early as possibile. “FAIRY” LAMPS and “FAIRY” LIGHTS can be obtained from al respectable dealers, and wholesale from SAMUEL CLARKE, * PYRAMID” and “FAIRY” LAMP and LIGHT WORKS, Cricklewood, London, N.W. London Show Rooms, 31, Ely Place, Holborn Circus, E.C. Boon aa ee wae ens «| SAMUEL BROTHERS. gael wantites of OI or Modern aes of | any kind; is, Manuscripts, Aatogra: ev Portraits. | Books, } ngravings, Collections of Boys’ School Outfits. Stamps or Literary Curiosities purchased at full Mesers. SAMUEL market value for Cash, by Cusaces Lowe, New 8t.. BROTHERS have Birmingham. Parcels thank‘ully received, and cash ready for immediate ens ore’ Pyremid "’ Lamps from 64. each, various colours. LLUMANATIONS, the best and cheapest. see value sent by return. Ketablished 40 years. Kefer- ences and Bankers. Messrs. Licyds, Barnetts, wets, & Co. Libraries supplied or purchased. gratis. CHARLES LOWE, Parrenss of Mare- THE Mi MATRIMONIAL HERALD AND sists for the wear of GAZETTE is the Gentlemen eerne ised a ~ h for High-Clase ether Introductions, The ost and most successful | Matrimonial Agency in World. Price 34.; in envelope, 444 —Address Kditor, #@, Lamb's Conduit Street, London, W.C. THE PURE WHITE “GLYCERINE SOAP” Softens and Preserves the Skin and Complexion WHITAKER & GROSSMITH, 22, SILK STREET, CITY, LONDON. ls. 64. Box of 3, at Chemists and Grocers, or direct. NESTLE’S vox FOOD tumsae for INFANTS. Also well adapted for CHILDREN | and INVALIDS. The besis of NESTLE’S FOOD is choice milk from Swiss cows, concentrated in vacuo at a low | temperature, so as to preserve its original valuable |.) oo very much plea-ed with your quali'ies rnchanged, To this concentrated milk is | cleared my skin bout fully, and nadets! ad-ed a little sugarand some wheat flour, the wheat | I should not like ¢ without it.” poco tating wos on manne ores |OUR WEIGHBOURS.” process of baking, whereby the insoluble portions PARTRIDGE & COOPER, are excluded. The product obtained im this way acts as « solvent upon the caseine, and prevents HE” STATIONERS, 192, TLEET STREET. ADAMS’S FURNITURE POLISH. EVERY REQUISITE THE OLDEST AND BEST, FOR THE “Tex Queen” (the Lady's Newspaper) “ feels no STABLE hesitation in recommending it.” Bold by Grocers, lronmongers, Oilmen, &e. HARNESS ROOM Manufactory—SHEFFIELD. They will also be pleased to send, application, New 6r., Brawinoeuam. original a ror: ree containing 30 Engrav- . This furnishes details of the various rtments, wi ce Lists, &c. Messrs. SAMUEL RROTHER’S “Wear - Resisting” Fabrics (Regd.) are especially adapted for hors’ Haap Wear. SAMUEL BROTHERS, MERCHANT TAILORS, OUTFITTERS, &e., 65 & 67, Ludgate Hill, Lonpon, E.C. DIANE DE POITIERS. The marvellous eed m of the beauty of Diane, mist: ess ote rangols L., and, at his death, of his son, Henri Il., whe ‘dled at ‘the age of @, her youn ful appearance rem»ining unchanged to the ast (vide contemporary history), was aitributed by her rivals and historians te magic. The unguent used by her, modernized end perfected under the advice of two of the most eminent specialists in this country,can now be »rocured. It produces a eo t, velvety skin, and gradually, but effectually, removes the appearances of age. In pote at 10s. 6d, end be. 64 ost fee, serurely packed, of MARIE DU BOYE R 41, New Bono t., Loxpow. One of the most i!)u-trious indies in Ex giand writes :—“I am well pleased with the pomade.”” And on the 17th Feb a lady of rank trom Lancashire wri'es:— made ; ithas it like velvet. TO BE SEEN AT CRYSTAL PALA GREAT PHOTOGRAPH EXHIBITION NOW OPEN. LARGEST AND MOST BEAUTE, COLLECTION or PICTURES awn app EVER EXHIBITED NO EXTRA RA CHARGE Tar by Tosesara.— I dicted that fe that will pass mente of sunt: Tes Moanime Peer Exhibition—which, it mid be added, is gx soleiy in the interests of photographic art, aad any trade purpo-e—more than 3000 amateur and projessional work.” Tas Gross.—“ It is indeed but fair to may Vast as has been the recent developmen ¢ ph yyy ek’ art, the magnificent display « at this comes a5 & surprise & beholders.” RODRIGUES’ MONOCRANS ARMS, CREST AND ADDRESS ENGRAVED AS GEMS from Original and Artistic Designs NOTE PAPER AND ENVELO? Stamped in Color Kelief and Tiluminated | Dy hawk Gold, silver, bronze, and Colon All the Now and Fashionable Note Papm Hegaatpic Encorarvixe, Peres, « +s ARD Elegantly Engraved and 100 coals Gm nted for 4s. 64, RODRIGUES, 42. Piccadilly, ¥ JLFRACOMBE, Devonshire, adesirable WINTEK RESORT, cccapiatt eS ~ mild, equabie, +> Gry climate. (eka veal ges ord.) Mean Team Dee., reb.. 441; Meas ew Lowest recorded Tem ® At Nice, South of Pum Theses tedena ture ~~ 5 o for ditto, 802 ditto, 00 (once only). for same period, 29°3. OXFORD. —MITRE HOTEL OF THE MOST ECONOMICAL sine HOTELS IN THE KINGS By Special Boyal and Impsrial Warr. , } Purveyor of Pure Wool Fabrics. By Roy! # a ial Warrant. Under the Direct Print oft da REFINED DRESS. EGERTON BURNETT'S and Other Fochicnatic, Is SaaS Bovaly. aad ie FREE. ~ PATTERNS Any Length Sold. Carriage Paid on Orders of above to any part of the United “aly No Aeewts on Mippte- Mew EBurtote> EGERTON BURNET!, Wellington, Somerset, Englast Lesion ~ Honour, 1878. B. Bow Portuguese Kes Gold Medals and other ¢ JOHN BRINSMEAD & SONS’ PIANOS 35 Guineas u 18,20, and 22, WiGMOME Th EET, T, LONDOS, t Lists Free. —— ws ‘Tbe Ly —.. te ane on any eer @ ume only by W. winten. 472, Oxsord 6, Looe gold eaiyty : For tinting grey o #8 Hair HKINE is taualesbie. GOLDEN BRONZE HAIR- mw

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ALAC APH 1 *D APP ED. ARGE, [ tanon 10, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 109 ———— VOCES POPULI. AT A DINNER-PARTY. In THe Hatt. t discovered removing coat and hat, which are taken by a Man ~_ with a Reproving Eye, amidst a grieved silence. Butler (to Subordinates, in ghostly whisper). Tell ’em they can send up as soon as they please—now. The Guest (to himself, on the stairs). I am the last man then? Kept them all waiting, too, I shouldn’t wonder . . . J don’t care— they shouldn’t ask a man to dine out the “7 evening he’s been— (catching ‘sight of himself in the mirror). Jove! I mustn’t go in looking like that, though—or they ’ll see what’s the matter ! [Assumes a jaunty smile. In THE DRAwine-noom. Chorus of Maveing Guests (in undertone), Too bad, you know— can’t understand it! . . . Noone has any right to do this sort of thing—don’t care who he is! . . . Generally so punctual here... . I make it a rale—never wait over five minutes past the hour forany- one. . . Quite right too, &c., &c. Butler, Mr. 8t. Jounw BRENTWING. (Enter last Guest under concentrated glare from surrounding eyes, which he seems rather to enjoy than otherwise. Hostess (with implied reproach). I began to be quite afraid some- thing had happened to you. — . (Mr. B. thinks that she is not far wrong, and mumbles apologies, Butler (re-appearing after a moment's pause outside the door), Dinner is served. . Hostess (to Mr. B.). Let me see—do you know Miss Fiamnowe ? . B. (who has been rejected by the apoung lady in question that very afternoon). I—ah—do know Miss LAMBOWE. [ Adds—“‘ at last !” to himself bitterly and feels better. Hostess. Then I want you to take her in, please. You won’t mind being close to the fire ? (Mr. B. thinks he has been very close to the fire already. A Paternal Old Gentleman. A most charming young lady—I congratulate you, Sir,—char-ming ! ’ ; Mr. B. (advancing to Miss FLamsowe with elaborate indifference). I believe I’m to take you in. i ; Miss F. (looking down, and hoping he doesn't mean to be “* silly.’’) I believe you are. On THE Srarrs. Mr. B. (thinking he’d better say something), Have you been out at all oa ? f Miss F. Only in the morning—such a wretched day, hasn’t it been ? [ Wishes she'd said something else. Mr. B. Has it? Well, it was rather a dismal , now come to think of it. Miss F. (deciding to take this literally). Oh, very—but, after all, one must expect a little unpleasantness just at this time of the year, mustn’t one ? Mr. B. Oh, yes—you can get used to anything if you only make up your mind to it ? [ Thinks he is carrying it off rather well. At THe Dovyen-Tasce. Miss F. How prettily the table’s arran isn’t it ?—though I never quite like to see flowers strewn carelessly about, do you? I mean, it seems such a pity, you know. . Mr. B. (with a feeb attempt to be cynical). Oh, I don’t suppose they mind much, after they’re once mh y get the end over, the better for them, I should think. (Js afraid he has gone too far.) Aren’t you taking turbot? you should—it’s capital! wallows some mouthfuls with an effort. Miss F. I’m glad you’re enjoyingit. [She crumbles her bread. Mr. B. I had no luncheon this morning, you see—and so—(/ays down his knife and fork) that gives a fellow an appetite, you know. (To Footman, who says, *‘ Sherry or’ Ock, Sir?”) Rock. Miss FP. (to herself I don’t believe he minds a Jit—and yet, he hasn’t finished his after all! Mr. B. (in answer to his other neighbour). Well, no, there isn’t much doing just now. I’ve been meaning to get away for a long time—go abroad and rough it a bit, don’t you know. (He has raised ~ wee | “nd for benefit of Miss F.) Start next week at Miss F. (absently, to her other neighbour, who is telling her a fanny story about Sydney Smith.) How very interesting—and you W sa t yourself ! , [ The neighbour her down mentally as a pretty idiot. Miss F. (to Mr. B.) Did I yousay you were going abroad just now—where did you think of going ? Mr. B. (who has only just Sought of it). Well, I shall ran over to the Rockies and shoot grizzlies. Miss F. Do you thik yo could lower that candle-shade a little ? Thanks. Shoot grizzlies? You will like that, won’t you ? Mr. B. Immensely. (Jo Footman.) Champagne, please. Miss F. p cugeeas you have friends out there ? Mr. B. 1 a friend who went out some time ago. Mr B. (carclosely\: Beonldart he ner nized it T did la r. B. (carelessly). t ised if I did—sooner or later. Miss F. Is he settled out there, then ? Mr. B. Settled? oh, yes—he’s set Miss F. And he likes the coun’ try ? Mr. B. He wasn’t there long enough to tell—fell down a cliff, or Mise Br (after playing coh cn ont 20). T hope you 'll be careful J Pp an entrée). ‘ou’ . Mr. B. ie I chall be careful cneugh—anet socae’s hanes, yes Snow, ripe ly So ou home a skin, if I grizz s ve any luck with the . » you’d rather I didn’t? | a go I oughtn’t to have offered—I never know about these things —I must wait, then—till—till I hear news of you... were you looking for something ? Miss F. Only a little water, please. Over THE CIGARETTES, Host (to Mr. B.) And how did you get on with that Miss Fram- Bowe, eh, Brentwine? Nice girl, isn’t she? Mr. B. Very. [ Helps himself to salted almonds—which he doesn’t like. Host (confidentially). Now that’s a gl now—a young fellow like you... chance for you . . . might do worse, eh Mr. B. —Le cwarette and wishing his hand wouldn't shake so onmay) ell, you see, Sir—as to that—(laughs awkwardly) well, there are two sides to every question, aren’t there ? Host, I tell you what, Baenrwine, you outs men are too selfish nowadays—you don’t like to give v.p your clubs, and your chambers, and all your bachelor eas if it’s to marry the nicest girl in the world—that ’s what it is! _Mr. B. (laughing again unsteadily), That’s about the truth of it, Sir,—we’re a poor lot! Upstarrs. The Hostess (to Miss F.) And so you have met your neighbour before? He’s quite a favourite of mine—only he shouldn’t come so late to dinner. I hope ws found him amusing ? Miss F. Oh, extremely—he’s going out to America, he says, to— to shoot bears, or something. Hostess. He never said a word about it tome. What can he want to rush off like that for ? Miss F. He didn’t tell me that. [She watches the door under her eyelashes, as the men enter ; Mr. BRENTWING engages in an animated conversation with a lively young lady at the other end of the room, The Paternal Old Gentleman comes up and entertains Miss FLamnowr with elderly attentions for the rest of the evening, which she appears to appreciate highly. ly tHe Hatt. Mr. B. (who by the merest accident has taken his leave the moment after Miss F.) Are they getting you a cab ? [Coldly, to Miss F. whom he finds below. Miss F. It’s outside—I’m only waiting for my maid. Good-night —or I suppose I ought to say -bye , Mr. B. (stiffly), After this afternoon, I should imagine good-bye was the only thing ¢o say. Miss F. And you n’t manage to come and see me just once— before you go away to your bears? Turns aside to arrange her hood. Mr. B. 1 could, of course,—only I don’t exactly see what the good of it would be! Miss F. Of course you are the best judge of that—I only thought you might find it worth while perhaps. Mr. B. Locetta! Do you mean... Miss F. (as she gets into cab). 1 mean that I don’t always quite know what I do mean. Good-night. Mr. B. (soliloquising on pavement). If I do go, she’ll only make a fool of me again, ... 1 won’t give her chance. ,.. At least, I'll think over it. [ Walks home, and thinks over it. Prarine with Mowry.—Not gambling, but acting. The A.D.C. of Cambridge must be in flourishing circumstances, They gave Money \ast week. The costumier let Club have bis best dresses for Money. Everything was done for Money that money could do, and so money came in, and Money “ went” uncommonly well. After Saturday afternoon there was no more Mi but it may be hoped by an Old Stager that the Club re-couped itself. Execraic Ligutixe 1s THe Crry.—Will the City Fathers give “the Brush system” a fair chance? The name is too suggestive of a sweeping measure to find favour with the doughty champions of | fine old vested interests. VOL, XCIV. L

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“ Wetocome. fair Bride! may thy life be as| His Bridal Ode, peepesed to greet The fair, the bright, the young. sweet As the spring-flowers o’er thee flung ! * So sounded forth in the Street of Fleet, Perennial Punch steps forth, From Punch’s loyal tongue, Punch at the Procession,” p. 116, vol.| Once more with flowers to wreathe thy brow, r Fovurtn’s favourite cognisance), p. 123, vol. xliv. * Bee “ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Marcu 10, 1888,

A SILVER WREATH FOR A SILVER WEDDING. Mazcn 10, 1888. iy

Hi} Yj) ww \\ A , yy a |, / tl the ae AN 1 ) SA) \\\ myn ‘ A \\ SH ** Rose-en-Soleil,” * he called her then, Our Maid of Denmark fair, A silver a Again Twenty-five years ago! And now With bent head, ever prompt to bow To Beauty and to Worth, * See “The Rose in Sun” (Epwagp THs

Dear Lady from the North!

xliv., 1863,

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Marcu 10, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. “SHIVER OUR TIMBERS!” A QUIVERING, Fp OCCASIONAL. Blue Ribbon Curate. ‘‘Tot-t-T, DEAR MB, JAMES, THIS 18 THE TuIRD Time I’VE SEEN YOU COMING OUT OF THAT PuBLIC-HOUsE!” Thirsty Artisan. ‘‘Taasu ALL, Str. You pDon’r THINK ‘sHEcT’BLE Bai'su WoRKMAN CAN SHPEN’ ALL 'su Time in 'Groc-snor!” fo pom on the stage is power, recognition id atoms as these, Each like a malefic magician, Can scarce be expected to please. Although we ’ve endeavour But don’t bother us with a visit, Bacill BACILLUS OUR BANE. ° Titoncbad 1 ~—J ntouc: our i] You enter to conquer and kill us, The taint that bri ble ills. oe air and _— water, , he presage peril pain, You stride on serene to our slaughter, OLD RHYME. Tor mast have cutsted Sun agne, rf ut ne’er in th pach gen gpa RANTHAM grace, Tho h climat * Where is “its place” when once let out of You come with disease Seen surely on slide Bacill A Memento, My Masrens.—The Ter- centenary of the Spanish Armada is to be commemorated by an elaborate sculpture erected on Plymouth Britannia with banners and edallions also of Daaxe, RaLzion, Frosisner, and Hawkins, and a bronze tablet illustrating the destruction of the coupled a Certainly, the winds did blow, vaders were scattered ; but that A i by no means likely in the time of in, and the only complete ish Armada re- “ De minimis non curat lez” is A motto we’ve all heard before’; The tiny Bacillus that vexes, No medical man can ignore. The smallest of things in creation An eminence high may attain ; You pull down the head of a nation, ting gratification, I should conceive,” said Mr. attributing its Though some folks essors bring new ones to Each boasts of the one he detected, will such o Ey as, wi A PICKWICKIAN DIALOGUE. Scenze— Outside the Globe Theatre. “ THat’s mg ot, Sir. Baxrert, you will perceive, Sir,—Banretr is my name. It’s rather a good name, I think, Sir?” “A very name indeed,” said Mr. Punch, wholly unable to repress a smile. we Yes, I think it is,” resumed Mr. Ban- nett. ‘There’s a good name before it, too, you will observe... There—* Wirsow Ban- Retr’ sounds well, I think, Sir?” “* Very,” said Mr. Punch. ** Melnotte’s a good name, too—Claude Melnotte—and ‘ Witsos Barrett as Claude Melnotte’ is an attractive advertisement, I think, Sir?” * Certainly,” said Mr. Punch, “FT —- now and then as Claude Mel- notte, and it pleases my friends very much.” ** It is caloulated to afford them the highest unch, rather envying the ease with which Mr. Witsow Bannett’s friends were enter- tained. ‘Now, Gentlemen,” said the Acting- ii approaching them. “All in to ally Mr. Witsow Banretr bowed to Mr. Punch, as the latter stepped into his hansom and was driven off in the direction of Fleet Street. ™ AprrorRriaTe.—In ft, re-adj pon yd “ artiomentery seats, Mr. Szxtow the Member for Bury. _

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —$— [Marcon 10, 1888, REAL FREE TRADE; Or, the “' Service of Men.” [The “ Halfpenny Letter Post Company” is promising to give the public, by means of “a novel system of advertising,” an envelope, a sheet 4 note- paper, = a penny stamp, for one halfpenny, “ without any loss to the revenue. Rk. V. Wore, Esq., a member of that eminent City Firm known as Messrs. Scunurper, Scunapps, & Co., rubbed his eyes ——— I ._~ in a a : y husky voice » which he hardly recogn as his own :—** tte fo goto the Oi.” ow long have I been asleep? It must e put on his coat set off for the Railway Station. H startled when he arrived there to find ovapthing seemed ‘to be changed. Instead of a grimy, draughty, little room, with a floor of wet planks, where he had always been accustomed to take his ticket for Town, he beheld a Gothic building, with marble pillars, and portie> ornamented with priceless statues of all the Directors of the Smpene. t ug inside, he could hardly believe that that Hall of Dazzling Light was in very truth the Book -office. From the hand of a bronze Naiad in the centre of the build , a flashin: stream poured into a porcelain fountain, illuminated ty basivode 0 electric lights. He looked for the pigeon-hole where an over-worked clerk had been in the habit of angrily dispensing tickets to trav . The pigeon-hole had disa There was a handsomely dressed man walking about the hail, and R. V. Wrvxxs, utterly dazed at the changes which had taken place, thought he would inquire where the ticket-office might be. The handsomely dressed man was. as he discovered to his intense astonishment, a porter! RK. V. WiInxLE could hardly believe his eyes when he saw the well-known buttons | on his best Melton coat, and the embroidered gold-band round his | | cap, ye status. vs ** There is no ticket-office, Sir,” he replied, in apparent surprise ; there was one here, I believe, twenty years ago. But that was ar A ' ** Then how am I to my tieket for Lon f= i . R. V. Wovxxz, aie owiieed. - wccqedan The Porter pointed politely to one out of a number of curiously _—, ~ Le eae es =e row along one wall. * Put the amount i it,” i - cut a | eo omg of your fare in the slit,” he continued, “ and pull n increasing astonishment, the Merchant did as he was told. The old fare used to be half-a-crown, “return, second-class.” He was just about to hunt for that coin in his purse, when he saw the words ‘One half-penny,” inscribed on the apparatus. ‘It must “| a a al a: to himself. ‘“‘ Still—this is a morning of wonders— ill try a halfpenny.” So saying he dropped that modest coin into the slit. Pulling out the drawer, he was surprised to find a packet of railway-tickets puree to him, elegantly tied round with red silk; they were t-class return tickets to London, enough to last for a fortnight ; but they were much larger than he had known before—and on every side they were covered with advertisements of cheap soaps, patent braces, furniture, sewing-machines, feeding-bottles, sensatien novels, and a host of other articles. Mr. KR. V. Wovxce turned to the Porter for an explanation. “* T see, Sir,” remarked that official, “ that you are not acquainted with the system which is now in vogue in all departments of social and domestic life. Everything is provided gratis, or almost gratis ; trade is revolutionised ; advertisements pay for everything—they have paid for this Station, which although decent in point of archi tecture, is nothing to the Cannon Street Terminus, the facade of which is said utterly to eclipse that of the Cathedral at Milan, and which is solely composed of alabaster inlaid with precious stones.” o 7 - ~h—* said R. V. Wruvxtz. ‘I must really go to e Post Office et a stamp in order i marvel A. ‘reel 4 > to write an aceount of these “ You need y take the trouble to do that, Sir,” replied the Porter. “Touch that button—no, you need ost tes . on coin— and you will have enough ietter-paper and stamps to last you for the — your life-time.” was quite true. Staggering under the weight of the stationery which had been jerked out at him from the mouth of the machine, Mr. R. V. Wivxts exclaimed :—‘‘ Why, then, the cost of living ey en reduced by these arrangements.” “Cost of living!” the Porter responded. ‘* Then are not aware that the butcher now presents us with prime jotate without asking for any payment, because the paper in which he wraps his meat is covered with tasteful advertisements, which return him an ample profit without the necessity of charging his customers any- thing. The baker and greengrocer proceed on tho came prince Ie ogeey i ier are pony enabled to introduce intoa sufficient number ouses i ~ i ir’ cnteloped.”” vertising paper-bags in which their/goods are | Bade farewell to Coercion. ** Dear me!” said the staggered Londoner; ‘‘this must be very gratifying to the poor!” _ “The Poor! e have none, Sir. I believe there were some poor in London when I was a lad—but, bless me, poverty and discontent are unknown. Automatic deli and an extension of the adver- tising system have converted Eng into a ial Paradise.” “Dear me!” said R. V. Wornuz, again. “ This really surprises me. My sleep must have been much longer than I thought.” SETTLING THEIR SUNDAY. Ar a recent sitting of the Upper House of the Convocation of that— Canterbury, according to a contemporary it appears “The Bishop of Exurzn laid on the table a peti said to be signed by one h four persor s, includin ¢ both | a3 arliament, clergymen, ers, setti forth that there had ieee of late a marked increase in the em- ployment of the afternoon and | evening of Sunday in amuse- ments of various kinds by the upper and fashionable classes of Bociety.”” = It adds, moreover, that the “ Sunday Out.” ‘‘ pastimes of recent date” are said ‘‘to comprise formal dinner-parties, smoking concerts, theatrical and semi-theatrical performances, comic recitations and amusing pro- grammes of fun and frolic, exhibitions of jugglery,” and other highly reprehensible and wicked forms of dissipation, ding ‘* boxing at the Pelican Club,” lawn tennis, and even the enormities of visiting the studios of artists perpetrated annually under the title of ‘* Show Sunday.” Why these hundred and four persons take upon themselves to meddle with the nature of the ‘* amusements of various kinds” to which the fashionable classes of Society choose to devote their Sunday afternoons, or what on earth they hope to get by handing in a petition to the Upper House of the Convocation of Canterbury on the subject, is not very clear. They might, how- ever, throw some light on the matter by a little further and fuller definition of some of the * pastimes of recent date” to which they more particularly object. It would be interesting no less to know precisely what sort of an entertainment would fall under the cate- gory of a ‘‘ semi-theatrical performance,” as to be informed at what a int — among — might beceme too dy or a Sunday rendering. Much mystery is gested in prohibition put on an “* amusing of fan and frolic.” What, too, is meant by the dead set made at exhibitions of ju; glery? Is this aimed at a little innocent /eger-de-main, or is it destined only to crush the professional wizard and his stock a the “‘ boxing at the Pelican Club” with which the h and petitioners appear to be familiar, it is more difficult to speak ; but the attempt to abolish “‘ Show Sunday” may fairly be characterised as rather impertinent. Our English Sunday is none too lovely or lively an institution, but as yet neither the upper nor the lower classes of English Society have shown any tendency, publicly, to desecrate it. When they do, it will be time enough, if not for the Upper House of the Convocation of Canterbury, at least for the Public Opinion of the country to express itself upon the matter. Meantime, grandmotherly interference had better let it alone. EXTRACT FROM “EVELYN’S DIARY.” Feb. 12.—This day paid off all my Deptford. Made up my mind. O blessed day! Feb. 13.—Heard it whispered that a little Dantiwe and a WILFUL Bunt ave to fight for my place. May the better man win. Will this be the Wilfal one? It ought not to be the other, as he is not the Grand “ Old Man’s Darling.” J Feb. 11.—Came the glad and unexpected news of a great victory over the Conservatives and Liberal Unionists at Southwark. Feb, 18.—Came the news from Hampstead, not unexpected, that this seat had been won without opposition. Ought we not to be thankful for even the smallest mercies ? Feb, 18.—Came grievous news of a great victory at Doncaster. | Feb. 25.—Wrote to my agent to inquire into matters concerning contumacious tenants. : Feb. 29.—Comes the news ofthe confus’d, debauch’d, riotous manner of anti-Darlingites at Deptford. Some short while ago | too might have been a Darling! Late at night came tidings by private wire of the victory of the Darlingers, and the defeat of the —— of The Wilful One, These are sad and troublous times! I not how it will all end. —

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 113 | Marcu 10, 1888.) ROBERT ON SPELLING. Wet I must say as the respect Amerrykey is sumthink as is most as I receeves from my Cozens in agreeable to my feelinx, as I haven’t the pl ing not none of ’em. Fust they gennelmen of the Press to sz & SRPSE FFs 2 ebs my long long efforts in unannymousely elected } rt aoa oF ‘our Chanceseller of New York stroke of bissiness there emadgination may try and gratyficashun must be. eums to the man who can : i ei +H! SFE Fes 4 & 2 ® I i RYTSESSRaon RGTESE eg es. fe 3 colleags has gone sueh a joll ways ahed of me in their JOP dnds it considerable dificult te t. For instance, when I finds an House spelt Houz, and “ to snatch a glimpse above at i limps abuy at my re, ‘I skecht two men on the I feels jist a leetle bit ashamed Edditers for their werry h However, I’m quite nessessary beginners, and daresay they'll do better when they ’ve had as much xperience as I have, but I must protest oO = o strengh against hinsulting a b Sital’ Hees by oo fine a bu it with a z, Roze! (which I heer as they’ve just oorven i kstress a testermonel before her dipartch praps one ef the Counsel scracht his fingers wit thorns noweres) and this was the rewenge as he took, and Apl for wittels, vittels, I declines to give up my dubbleyou tho he is a Perfesser. And sum on them does cum Perfesser Owen, for instance, says, withou son Tienes Milas 952 different ways! one of ’em at all sure that its quite right for my ‘‘ Spelli: sate which I dipploar) ; a rose (nun with- “S282 FOS RA-w + a poor happle ain’t much better. I fessor WALTER SxEAT when he i a am ginerous et gran hothers. British freedom when we orthers sets that we ain’t never obleeged i a Bt to neneee how as sum of my werry the nature of Winks, for ngs, Winks is,” and my wn to write with to stop in the middel of a “ is Ss bi Gee ng, as the poor Curit said to the world for ewer and how sumthink was 4 wes eS 5 in Calumbia Collige, New York, Amerrykey, I must at present declyne to take the pledge that I will oe trewly try to spall as they spells, accordin to their ewidenoe, and as I have bin so good a frend to their great caws, praps they may be injuiced to make a xample of me, and let me go on op enudl, thee os tho hale end with- out no tyes. RoweErt. Po Serip.—I incloses a‘ copy of werses as I sent to my fare Neeoo, all ritten as the Spelling Leag of them as sines their rules, and a preshus long time it has took me to find ’em all out in their little Dickshunary. I past by the hous of her I luv, | I cut a noch upon a apl To snach a glimps of her who sat abuv; | I spurd Reno te nies see, Ev’ry lim was oie © the wulger tat, That I hugd the bow, [luv.| I was ready to do (free. Yet I pluckt a roze and throwd itto my | To prove my turtl-duv was pure as ST.-JUSTIFICATION. Master Jommwy Monier says he doesn’t like being called ‘‘ the St.-Just of our Revolution.” He complains of Master Gronore Merytey G4 ob OO ie. i 80 ug the medium of this month’s ‘Nineteenth ao Hy r. Punch thinks Master Grorcrr’s phrase ought to have been “ the St.-Just of the Gladstonian Party,” because, thus * Bt. i so craftily qualified as to suggest a certain resemblance without any ion eae Teves bight charged and Isborlously:Anished. portrait . Tanre’s i of St.-Just, and says, “* Look y i Mr. P., certainly not; but ha looked t this sketch by Cantyre—* More a Student than a Senator.” om Jouynyr, er im are! You who Hd written a as ARLYLE says - cannot comparison, so far. CARLYLE indeed sails ‘hin * Young St.-Just,” “A youth of slight stature, with enthusiastic olive complexion, and long black hair.” If this with the heading of a ‘ arrested as the missing aqsvernng in respect to this description. Noone 5 ne ge Master cma ot his St.-Just value more than does Mr. Punch, who perceives, and he has already put on record pictorially, this striking resemblance at the present time. LATEST TELEPHONIC INTELLIGENCE, Vowe. Mr. Punch, are you there ? Mr. Punch. Yes. Who is it? V. Mr. Goscuen. Mr. P. Oh, to be sure—the Cuancettor of the Excurquer. o> en, ems Cams, t something far better. I am a joke- maker. Mr. P. Don’t believe it. F V. But I am! I was so funny the other evening, when Mr. Wrwpua™ returned to the Criterion from the Continent. Didn’t you see y= P Mr. P. No—and don’t want to. V. Then you must listen. I said that Mr. Wrwpmam—ha! ha! —when he was at Berlin, had been on the Spree! Ha! ha! I had never heard that anecdote of Davip Garrick before. Ha! ha! ha! Mr. P. Did any one laugh ? V. Yes—I did. Mr. P. But what was the joke? : V. Don’t you see, Berlin is on the Spree—the name of a river ; #0 when Mr. Wrxpuam was at Berlin, he was on the Spree too. Ha! ha! ha! Wasn’t it good? Mr. P. Good was not the word! : Ri I am so glad you are pleased. I will tell you another of my okes. ' Mr. P. No, thank you! (Electric current broken. Aw Eanty Brap.—That rara avis, a Goldfinch, was hopping about on the shore near Herne Bay—(why didn’t the Goldfinch take a fly ?)—and suddenly found an re bee gee all that remained of one, which was only a tusk. a very learned bird, was sure that the tusk was that of a hairy elephant on a visit to this part of Kent a few thousand years ago, more or less. We have not yet heard the opinion of those experts Messrs. Sawoxn, who can give some particulars as to elephants having been seen at within the last few years. The Story of Creation has been recently advertised. Of course it ees Sp Seren Cone ee of the story, as its author is “only « Lopp.”

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FOR THE Poor Crosstnc-Sweerers’ Wipows’ Homsz, rou Kxow ! WHOLE Reociment! Fercn 'gmM awsvtiy, Taat Tatrp Act WILt ° ‘ gua: q +f =? . | " ee = YUE NOBLE SELF-SACRIFICE IN THE CAUSE OF CHARITY. The Duchess of Beljambe. “‘ Taat’s my Costume ror Taz Dance 1s Tae Tarzp Acr—ratuer CoLp IN THIS WEATHER—BOT IT’s ARE YOU COMING TO sEz Us. CaPTAIN DE Boots?” Gallant Hussar, ‘Haw! Haw! I snovtp rare so, Ducness—raraze! WovuLpn’Tt Miss IT FOR THe Wortp! Baixo THE ! Haw! Haw! Haw!” OUR REAL GRIEVANCE OFFICE. Before Mr. Commissioner Punca, A Child Performer introduced. your Complainant. Nothing. I was sent in here by some people who said they wanted to be kind to me. I am very tired. Com. You look it. Take a seat. Now, what is your employment ? Compl. Oh, | am taken about from place to place to perform, you know. It is very tiring. — may many Ganon wa? aetee na ‘ompl. Oh, generally twice a day—morning and nig then there is the practising, and the travelling—and I am very tired! Com. We will see if we can help you. You seem well fed and clothed, and fairly educated ? Compl. Oh, yes; but I’m so tired. Com. What do the doctors say ? Compl. Oh, that I am well enough at present, but I shall break down sooner or later. I rather hope sooner. Com. It pays, I suppose ? Compl. Ob, yes, it pays somebody. Com. Who is somebody ? Compl. I don’t quite know. Com. And how about your ta? Compl. Oh, they don’t mi They say it’s all for my good in uture. Com. I see, my good little fellow, how it is. Well, tell the kind people who sent you before me, that I will look carefully into the matter, and consider whether anything can be done on your behalf. My first impression is, that there should be some power given to some official—say the Official Solicitor—to make children such as you Wards of Court. Were you a Ward of Court, Chancery would The Commissioner. Well, my little man, and what oan I do for | and an expensive matter, and until you were realising a considerable income, it would be difficult to _ the machinery of the law in motion. However, I will give the matter my best consideration, Compl. Please, Sir, I can’t stop to hear any more, I’ve got to go play. Com. Ah! that ’ll do you good. Compl. It will do somebody good. Com. But playing a good game—— Compl. No, not a game—the violoncello, Good-bye. I’m 8 tired. [ Exit wearily. A Momentary Sxocx.—In the published Report of the Mee of the National Freehold Land Society, the concluding paragrap notified the retirement of their Directors, Mesers. Casn, Pryce, and Wuirrmnenam. The Public generally would not be much concerned with the last of the three names; but the disappearance of Casi Payce would have been ominous. Ready-money dealings are essential to the existence of a Society like the old-established N. F. L. 8., and so we are glad to see, at the end of the Meeting, Casi Pryce again on the Direction Board. This is quite the right direction. ““Crusuep acarn!”—The Chairman of the National Rifle Asso- ciation (to the Duke of Cambridge, who has refused to*sell a hundred and twenty acres of his Wimbledon property to the N.R.A.). ‘*’ Wan- to you.” Reply of H.R.H. the . “Quite so, and I mean to keep it.” ‘Sono! Sono!” —Six weeks of Coquetiw at the Royalty Theatre. On one night, for a benefit, March 23, three CoquELins are to appear r. 4 qui le gdteau? Whichever one of the three “‘ takes the e” will be * Le plus heureuz des trois.” protect you, and see that any money paid on your behalf was pro- perly applied, and would generally after Pony But Chenauly is Sorc awp Crorvs ror Derrroxp.— Darling Mine !” TAWW Yreow —I'TIOS Iw eow ea '‘'7v97"0TTcow Uva *“(@yupyDQ pup ydjopuvy %4978V JT fiq pesnos) Ting “AL LOTION » *TLHMA—i OTION

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Manca \Y \ \) ERAS WAY » ‘ RAY \ \ YY) YY \ i) WAAAY NW Ws hy) \\ ‘ WA AY \ NN ANS SA MAL’ WAKING HIM UP! Mar. Buux (roused by Masters Randolph and Charlie). “*HULLO! HULLO!—WHY, BLESS MY 10, 1888. SOUL!—I MUST HAVE BEEN ASLEEP!!”

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Marcx 10, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 117 OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. I own with compunction to not having read Little Lord Faunt- leroy uatil last week, and it ‘made me sit up ;” that is, it kept me up late, and caused me to snivel joyfully (L believe my cold next day was entirely ue to my tearful emotion overnight), over the pure love of goodness,—not “‘ goody-goodiness,” nothing of the kind,—without cant or affectation, therein displayed. It isa book that takes you wonder where you’ve been. From a real emotional point of view I liked Dickens best in' his Christmas Carol; but I envy Mrs. Burnett the pure inspiration that has given us Little Lord Fuuntle- rey. And to one thing I have made up my mind, and that is, I will not go to see Little Lord Fauntleroy on the stage. Even the illustrations, good as they are for the mel y= endanger the story. Let me imagine Little Lord Fauntleroy the Zari, and Dearest, and Mr. Hobbs, and Dick, but don’t show them to me on wood, or steel, or canvass, much less impersonated (how impossible!) by comedians and low comedians, and by a precocious child—little girl to represent boy, of course, as is the invariable stage-custom—with the inevitable cockney twang. I gather from the notices in the papers, of a piece recently pro- duced called Little Lord Fauntleroy, that the adapter repudiates nearly all his obligation to Mrs. Buawert’s book, and protests that his Little Lord is not Mrs. Burwert’s Little Lord. Most probable ; but at all events he doesn’t sign himself Burnett, and attempt to pass off the sham for the real,—a proceeding for which the unfor- tunate name of Fauntleroy might afford a precedent. Alsol see that this adapter, for the e of keeping the Little Lord’s mother before the public, has made her accom her son to the Earl's Castle, where she passes herself off as the boy's nurse. this be so, then such an expedient utterly d s the simple, straightforward, independent character of both mother and child, who become a pair of humbugs, with a sordid purpose in view. However, this is not the place to discuss dramatic matters, except quite incidentally ; all I say is that, whether successful or not, the adapter’s or Mrs. Burwetr’s own child on the stage must be vul- sed, and the whole romance of the charming work destroyed. f Mrs. Burwerr has not already dramatised it, I am sure Mr. Punch’'s immortal advice might be once more advisedly repeated, and that is, ‘‘ Don’t!” But for a certain paragraph in the Lancet, I should have muchly liked to review a few books on Gout and Rheumatism; for, as Mr. Lanovcnere recently observed in Zruth, ‘‘they are, really cheerful reading,” or words to that effect. If the Lancet objects to Mr. Punch, or Mr. Punch’s Prime Minister, noticing any professionally medical works, who am I that I should offer an opinion on a lecture deliv: by Dr. Burwer Yxo, recently published, and placed by a friend in my hands? The only thing interesting to me in such works is the opinion of every doctor on what to eat, drink, and avoid,—the second being the most important. I agree with Dr. B. Yzo—Yeo ho, my owe" yeo ho!— that real good wine is the thing for . . . well, for me. This treatment, of course, in the case of those who ean only afford to have poor man’s gout (such is my modest let), necessitates dining out, as frequently as Possible, with all those who possess first-rate cellars, and who are ring to assist in your cure. This treatment takes a long time, but . 18, I believe, in most instances successful. I do not, as yet, speak rom experience, but I hope to do so. Adopting B. Yxo’s on I thall become a regular Yeoman, and perhaps a Centenarian ! I’ve just seen seeond number of the BanaaD-BEntizr series of a long way out of yourself, so that you return to the world and glasses as No.1?” He may pause for a reply: I wish he may receive it. Passons! Rusxktn’s portrait comes Aret. The chief inite is seated, pen in hand, ready for some one to bring him the ink. Then follow Mr. and Mrs. Kewpat, in character,—which is a mistake,—as Lord and Lady Senate, Dad Clankendal is ape J at something or somebody out of the picture, and is evident! ing his wif sotto voce, ** Who's that just come into the third box there?” — she, with her head resting on Lord Clankendal’s manly breast, her half-closed eyes turned in the same direction as his, gent) the answer, “I don’t recollect his face, but it’s Aa pacmm | to-night.” Then comes, all alone in his , Jouw Buren, To very truculent, evidently muttering to , Idiot! fool!” course speaking of somebody else at a distance, to whom he has just written one of his straight-from-the-shoulder epistles. Another Grand Old Man, says Baron vz Book Worms. SOMETHING NEW FOR ALEXANDER! (If he had been discovered in England.) _ “Dean me, this is most interesting,” said the Canon; “ ve interesting indeed. Just give me his skull.” 7 ** Better let me look them over again, Sir,” interposed the Sexton ; - perha s I may find something more valuable than human bones.” Well, I am not sure,” continued the ecclesiastic. *' You see, I © not fancy that much treasure is usually discovered in a sarco- phagus.”’ “ Right you are, Sir,” returned the Gravedigger, who had com- pleted his work. ‘‘ Only bones—and terribly dirty ones, too! ” “They must be washed,” observed the Canon, ty: after closely inspeeting the skull of the great conqueror h his eye- . “In their present state they are scarcely fit to be seen. But where shall we put them ?”’ “* I shall be very glad to give them shelter in my drawing-room,” suggested a Surveyor. “ Now, that is very good indeed of ” put in another Church Dignitary. ‘* Very good of; you, i ; but are you sure that you don’t mind? They may be inconvenient?” “Not in the least, if they are nice and clean. I could put them on a board resting on a sofa and two chairs. How would that do?” ** Admirably!”’ said the Dean and Chapter in chorus. ** But we must have them photographed!” cried one. — get Professor Huxtry to examine them!” exclaimed another. ‘With pleasure,” acquiesced the Surveyor. So the bones of ALEXANDER THE Great were washed. And the bones of ALEXANDER THE GREAT were photographed. And then they were placed on a shutter resting on a sofa and two chairs in the drawing-room of a dwelling-house. And then Professor Huxiey examined them, And then some one wrote to the Zimes to say that they onl belonged to a common soldier, and had nothing whatever to do wit the mighty son of Purxrr. And then some one else contradicted some one, and re-affirmed that the bones were genuine. And then there was a mild remonstranee from two or three of the Pablic, who were not quite certain that it was either legal or advisable to take a hero, or his cousins, or his aunts, from conse- euies ground into the drawing-room of a dwelling-house, however stately. But nobody seemed to care a brass button about it! So the matter dropped, as dead as ALexawper himself, or the late Queen Anws, or even the once-venerated remains of St. Tuomas A Becxer ! Propuetic.—Poet Tom Campnet foresaw ‘‘ She” when he com- menced his Spzecu oF THE CHoRvs with, “O Haceanp Queen!” And, in another instance, there must have been a beam in his eye when he wrote ‘‘O’Cownor’s Child,” clearly indieating the rise of Tar Pay’s Star. “*Nragana—anp Arren?”—For reply, ask Mr. Jomw Horiines- HEAD, who, aided by M. Partrporzavx—has accomplished the unprecedented feat o bringing N to London, The Aquarium will be naturally jealous; the Water Companies won't quite like it. Rather a fall for the Falls to come down to the slightly dull locality known as York Street, St. James’s Park, which requires a‘ fillip-or-two” to start some amusement, We wish the Clerk of the Weather, following the excellent ex- ample of Lord WorseLer his mi puagee Se condensing Men and Women of the Day. Not quite so interesting as No.1. A friendly reader will ask, “Can anythi Py vy Lebpepall mane pest,” Would Just anette 6 change in the present and future. eben es:

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ee, [Marcu 10 1888, | CULTCHAH! (‘' A little knowledge is a dangerous thing” !) Tommy. ‘‘Wasy’t tr PHIDIAS WHO MADE THE ELJIn MARBLES, Aust Hriprotyrat” Aunt Hippolyta, “ Paxrptas, pRaAR, NoT ParpiIAs; AND YOU MUeT say Eiciv, wor Evy. Tae Gaesx G, on GAMMA, IS ALWAYS PRONOUNCED HARD, YoU KNOW.” HIBERNIA. Fragments of a Lay sung on the day when the Patriot Singer (and Lord Mayor) S-ll-v-n was released from durance vile, to ** The Harp that once in Tullamore the soul of music shed,” in strains of mingled patriotism and parody (some way, apparently, after Macaulay's ** Virginia,” Ye good Men of the Commons, with loyal hearts and true, Who stand by us bold Irish, who now will stand by you, Come, light your weeds around me, and mark my with care, Of what poor Ireland oft hath borne, and yet may have to bear. Of all the wicked Tories still the names are held accursed, And of all the wicked Tories black B-tr-z was the worst. Re ——s | the Soe => oape ae in his pride, 4 r wied with lank langui entangled or spread wide. The Irish eyed with anger, not all unmixed with fear, His lifted chin, his curling mouth that always seemed to sneer : That brow of brass, that mouth of mark all the species still, For never was there Tory yet but wished the Irish ill. Nor lacks he fit attendance ; for ever at his heels That most notorious renegade, his Sub., K-we-H-na-y, steals, His written answer ready, be the question what it may, And the smile flickering on his cheek for aught his Chief may say. > > > . . * storm . + and, as danced along, of Irish athleen, | ing of the Green ;” A bit from Samuet Lover, and a stave from Tommy Moore (Not forgetting Lord Mayor 8-LL-v-», who as a bard can score). The maiden sang as Irish maids alone such songs can sing, When Hope is in its budding-time and Love is in its Spring. Black B-.¥-z heard her sweet young voice, and saw her sweet young face, And hated her with the black hate of his old Tory race ; And watching close to see where she would go, whom she'd meet, His vulture eye pursued the trip of those bare glancing feet. > o > . > > So blithely young Hisenyt1a came smiling from her home. Ah! woe for young Hisernt, the best beloved of Rome! She mused of that great Forum for which all patriots pray, And just had reached the very spot where it s stand one day, When up the varlet B-.¥-m came; not such as when erewhile He ——~ in far St. Stephen’s with cock’d heels and simpering smile ; He came with lowering forehead, fierce features, and clenched fist, And strode across Hrsernia’s path, and caught her by the wrist. Hard strove the frighted maiden, and screamed with look aghast, And at her scream from left and right the folk came running fast ; The old money-changer, Gi-pst-wx, with his thin silver hairs, And H-zc-nrt of the stately form and glittering ‘‘ Rhodian” wares, And the strong smiter, M-rr-y, ing a half-forged brand, And L-ssy, the unruffled, with cigarette in hand, All came in wrath and wonder ; for all knew that fair child. And as she a them by—of late—had kissed their hands and smiled. And the strong Old Man Gr-pst-wz, gave B-LF-z such a blow ; The long one reeled three paces back, and let the maiden go. Yet glared he fiercely round him, and hissed in snaky tone, “* Law’s law, and Order’s order; I claim her for mine own. I wait on swart-browed §-1-ss-Ry—-he’s almost like my sire. Let him who thwarts the nephew’s will beware the uncle’s ire!” So spake the varlet, B-tr-z; and dread and silence came On all the people at the sound of the Cecilian name ; For now there was no tribune—no eloquent J-Hw Br-Gur, To make the rich man tremble and guard the man’s right ; There was no sturdy H-rt-wet-w—no honest CH-MB-RL-N ; For most of the old champions flocked in the Tory train. Yet ere the varlet B-tr-z again might seize the maid, Who que So to stern M-nrt-y’s skirt, and sobbed and shrieked or aid, Forth through the throng of gazers the Grand Old Gu-pst-wE pressed, And stamped his foot, and thumped his palm, and smote upon his reast, And sprang unto that rostrum by many a poet sung, And where, aforetime, many a year had pealed his silvery tongue, And beckoned to the People, and in bold voice and clear, (hear. Poured thick and fast the burning words which tyrants quake to “* Now, by — children’s cradles, now, by your father’s graves, Be men to-day, ye Liberals, or be for ever slaves ! For this did Cromwett give us laws? For this did Happen bleed? For this was the great vengeance wrought, upon the Srvakt’s seed’ Shall a cat’s snarl alarm the race who braved the lion’s roar ? Shall we, who beat great B-c-wsr-Lp, crouch to the bland B-tr-R? Oh, for that ancient spirit that curbed the nobles’ will! Oh, for the men of Thirty-two, who passed the famous Bill! In those brave days our Liberals stood firmly side by side, They faced the Tory fury, they tamed the Tory pride; Shall what their care bequeathed to us, our madness fling away? Is the ripe fruit of three-score years all blighted in a day ? O erier, to the polling summon the eager throng! O tribunes, breathe the word of might that guards the weak from wrong ! No, by the earth beneath us, and by the sky above, We will not yield to B-.r-n’s hate, Hrsgrni1a, whom we love. A little late we show it, but oh! ’tis true and hot ; } And if the Tories doubt that truth, we’ll show them what is what. Leave, leave, to poor Hrsernt, her dearest tie to life, : The hope that springs midst all her woe, and after all her strife ; One gentle s h—O’ Br-n’s—a century’s hatred cures ; The yoke of love Hisgnn14 courts—she will not brook B-LF-R’s! No, let the Maiden’s Home be free, its Rule be hers; with _ She who now loathes ye—as a slave—will love ye—as a bride. Spare her the inexpiable wrongs, the unutterable shame Of being shackled and coerced to suit your Party game: _ Lest, when her latest hope is fled, her friends are in despair, - Ye learn by proof, in some wild hour, how much the wretched dare! So far the Old Man eloquent! What farther ?—well, I find The harp that once at Tullamore wailed forth on every wind Is just a thrifle out of tune, my throat a little dhry ; Not Tullamore could tame my Muse; wt po I defy ! But how they dealt with black B-ir-z, how, after the fray, Hrseanr1a—the darlint !—fared, I'll sing another day. ee

Page 189

T Mancn 10, 1868.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. —

ye et ou i VAU REC TAOMIE Ul poy Cc yf Onl; < & “- oe + Shap? @ Wout oma tantly a7 | Nee bib} oul, Ti ake, ub htatihy . Ur* i Ne it | Hi j AR " ay . t sami ) ious of Commons, Monda; irst day of ote of fee Innocents, two pictares by Mocerro,” of which early closing movement. U h ing went the nation had become ” ‘ admirably. Ordinary votes fairly discussed. Irish “Does the Right Honourable Gentleman,” he asked, liberally at large, "Everyone rots al i pening Jackson to the Privy Council, ‘know who Moxerro he shutters were all right for closing at midnight. Divi-| was?” . . sion taken on Irish — Ten ervey gd unconsidered trifles.| From angry way in which name was Joszru GILLIs Courtney began running through votes. Reached that for National | thought it must that of a Resident , and called out Gallery, when from below Gangway on Ministerial side, there | “Yah, yah!” Thus Cavenpisn went on with his -- s luminoes breadth of crumpled shirt-front, A | indictment. There was another picture, a Dutch portrait, painter rum’ i ir, prese iteelf ; unknown, price £50. aK P familiar wales sounded , Mh — a" Committee Genume “ As representative of British taxpayer, I object to portraits by sensible of fact that CAVENDISH BENTINCK was on his legs wanting | painter unknown,” said CAVENDISH, his words tripping each other to know about most recent purchases for National Gallery. up as they tumbled out in hot haste. Deep groan went up from Conservative side. Opposition ironically declarat red and joyously laughed. , Certain! i Mésgites thecagh sitting. Eveni had been to meeting at Exeter Hall or Jerusal ped in ten minutes to twelve wanting to know about ——

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20 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. [Maron 10, 1888, hilerious. Treasury Bench taking on fresh dolour. Completion of Sapplementary Estimates, oqeeeity within reach of hand » and all arrangements to be upset in this way. If it had been Irish Member bad enough. But Cavenpisn Bentinck, of w no one was thinking, suddenly to pop up with his gilt-edged volume (author un- known) and his anonymous Dateh rait, was to bear. resently it turned out by his own admission, that CavenpDIsn hadn’t seen the pictures he was condemning, and as gi volume continued to rous, he suddenly sat down, eaving three minutes for Finan- cial Secretary to explain and Committee to pass four Votes. Couldn’t be done. At midnight progress reported and Commit- tee’s work left uncompleted. Business done.—Eruption of Cavenvise Bentivck. Tuesday Night. — Resumed Debate on Procedure. Things still going on wonderfully well. Rale upon rule, precept upon poosep? covens to, = ter conversa- tion y designed to im e “ 7 the suggestion under considera- Who was Mchette ? tion. Seems all a dream to Old Morality. Can’t believe things could possibly go forward so —- Has formed habit of gently pinching himself, to see that he is really awake. This led to momentary unpleasantness. Just after Rule 6 to without division, one of Anruur Batrovur's legs straying about Bench O. M., getting rather mixed, ame it in ~- & Explained the error, and profusely apologised. All ved, well, ARTHUR Batrove says; but ean’t see how by any possibility his leg could have been mistaken for Surrn’s. ; Nearest approach to animated debate arose on Rule 3, which makes things unpleasant for Member guilty of grossly disorderly eonduct. Old Morality moving it, observed that ‘Rule must recommend itself to good feeling of all Members of House ”—which it didn’t. Tay Par, aogeeprustely assuming character of champion of dignity of the , protested against such a penal code. Debate brought to a conclusion by Joszrm Griuis. Been very niet since Session opened, but subject under discussion infallibly rew him. Remembered how, in days of sin, when he used to be suspended, was accustomed to mount to topmost Beneh in Strangers’ Gallery, and frighten New Members by staring them out of countenance, or making faces. New Rules proposed that Members suspended should not be permitted to enter precincts of House. “ Sir,” said Joszrn, waving a friendly hand towards the Chair; ‘‘ It seems to me that the moral influence of the Srzaxzn is quiteenough to keep order with- out these ’ere Rules.’ Hardly a dry eye in the assem- bly as these tremulous notes fall on its listening ear. ** Beautiful!” cried Prowxer ; “Since Mr. Peckeniff appeared in light attire on the landing at Mrs. T: assemb] to join him in being moral, nothing so touching as this,” Not a word said after J. B. had ken. House at once divided. in the lobby af terwards as Joxy B. strolled along, his head bent in thought, like the bowed head of the ripened grain, to see James Watson, Magistrate for Staffordshire, , and Worces- tershire, and patron of the living of Berwick, ey 1, wpe ( as it . Whilst Joseph Gillis passes. seemed, remove his hat and follow the retreating e with reve- rential glance. Business done.—Further debate on New Rules. Thursday. Great case of aes Public Meeting argued before Speaker, and Jury composed of some 500 Members. Russert, Q C., for Plaintiff; Matraxws, QC., for Defendant. Wappy, Q.C., tucked brief under arm, and awaited his opportunity. Ot ss, and besought the | r | Offi 'Counsel appearing were Brapiaven (C.) and Courrs-Burperr—o, is it Borpert-Courrs? Whichever it be, he succeeded in eliciting murmur of approval from Jury-box by delicate reference to West- minster Abbey. When, he said, he ae ve possibility of lawlessness running riot in the streets of » he thought of Westminster Abbey. “Like Mrs. Gummidge, thinking of the Old ’un,” said Locxwoop, just back from Circuit. ‘“‘ Suppose he has a vested interest in the place. But his concern for it certainly seems a little premature.” Also Cuantes Hatt, Q.C., Attorney-General to the Prince of Waxes, of whom Harcourt says, * He has the gravity of e judge with the figure of a light comedian.” His speech bright, tacit convincing, and commendably short—that’s Hat1, and quite enough to make a House of Commons reputation. Witreip Lawson so pleased with s h that he knocked off little me to tune of song familiar in his hot youth called ‘‘ Sam Hail,” os ’s the first verse :— My name it is “Cuantes” Hatt, | QC., and what they call Joy evince ! ( Bis.) At-tor-ney Ge-ne-ral My name it is Cuantes Haut, To my Prince! (Bis.) BrapLaven wound up night's’ proceedings in vigorous speech, listened to with attention by} crowded House. ge how | whirligig of time (whatever sort of conveyance that may be) brings its revenges. Not many years ago Members crowded the Lobby to | see Braptaven kicked downstairs. Now they throng the Benches | to hear him reply to ‘‘ his learned friend,” the Home Seeretary. Before this came on, Sage of Queen Anne’s Gate raised question of CHAMBERLAIN’s expenses in his Mission to Uni £3900 | |asked for. Sage, bringing out slate and pencil, works little sum to | show that this eomes to £30 a day, which, considering, as he says, |hotel expenses in the States are at price fixed is staggering, Joszra Gris, who, as Paymaster-General of the Parnellite forces, | knows something about expenses, quite depressed. | “Look at that now,” he says. ‘‘ Thirty poundsaday! Why, | there isn’t one of the bhoys who wouldn’t contract to take as much a month, and think himself well off.” | No bounds to Grapsrowr’s quite appalling generosity. Comes | forward to defend CHampeErRtarn’s Mission. Isn’t quite sure of the £30 pound a day, but has nothing save honeyed words for the errant | Joszru. In contrast with this speech comes Tay Par, frothing and | vapouring, bellowing abuse of CHAMBERLAIN, as if the SPEAKER were stone deaf. ** Always seems to me.” said Ranpotpn, refleetively twirling his | moustache, ‘that Tay Pay’s oratorical accessories are incomplete, Never see him stand up and shout, but miss something.” me adage ’s that?” said Bropricx, anxious to learn from the aster. | “*His barrer, dear boy—his barrer, with its enticing load, whether | of the shy retiring winkle, the seoo-tepes carrot, or the coyly curléd green.”’ Business done.—Debate on Sir CHARLES RussExx’s Motion. | Friday.—Rvsse11’s Motion’ on again. More legal lore. Nearly | every Member now speaks of his neighbour as “ my learned friend.” | Huwry James openly calls Srzaxenr “me Ind.” Sergeant-at-Arms, | the spirit of the Usher strong upon him, has greatest difficulty to poe himself calling out ‘‘ Silence!” At five minutes to twelve rother PickeRsGILt rose, spread out his brief, and proposed to | answer the ArroRNEY-GENERAL, who had just sat down. Only five minutes before division must be taken, if at all, to-night. Such a roar filled the Court, shook the leaves of brother Picxenserit’s brief, and set his wig awry. Brother Surrn came to the rescue. Pounced with extraordinary agility. ‘‘Melud” then submitted the case to jury, who by considerable majority returned verdict of Not Guilty. Home Secretary promptly left dock ; was met at gates by company of friends, who took him off to supper. Business done.— Russert's Resolution rejected by 316 votes against 224, | A Marrer or Covrsz.—The Committee for the Waterloo Cup consists of one noble and seven distinguished sportsmen ; the Judge |Mr. Hepiey, and the Slipper Mr. T. Wirxrnsow. When weather |doesn’t permit the ordinary coursing to come off, the Committee have healthy exercise within their reach by staying at home and | playing at hunt the Slipper,— Wilkinsonio non obstante. RECOMMENDED. Reap this book of the Baron de Grancey’s, ** Paddy chez-lui,” full of facts and not fancies. To Granwpotra.—The Fourth Party at first were strongly opposed to Closure. **‘ Where is dat Barty now?” In the fourth dimension of space ? Wuar THE GOVERNMENT REQUIRES oF aN Ancurrect.—" Good ces. ' —— tH NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

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Page 193

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Page 194

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Macc 17, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

“IN THE DAYS WHEN WE WENT GIPSYING.” ir, ‘The days when we went Gipsying, a long ti Lg enna last Thureda ob the Avenue. Bosawn: my childhoo once more I behold t hind me.” of my childhood he Bohemian Girl is indeed “ the Girl I occasion of the revival was described as e! ~_ 4 layed and sung by 7 one ee gags usiness, without which I fancy nowadays The Bohemian Girl—bless her!—would be a trifle slow. But her musical cherms were as bright asof yore. With her again I wandered in Marble Halls, and ‘ when other lips” sang her songs, then ‘I remembered her,” and every note of them: and my heart was not “bowed down by weight of woe,” but, on the contrary, was beating time to the ballad tunes with all the fervour of youth, as the fresh strawberry mark on arm was discovered, Arline fell into the arms of the Count, in whom she recognised her long-lost Tey -.. Feog sang out boldly, ‘‘ Be not deceived, ’tis thy ather before thee ae —~ <e it was my father before me, HE me to see : ’ Bohemian Girl, when she and , wae “= together, though 1 was m I wish to state, a Bohemian Ry y Boy, but a very respectably brought-up one—coming of as “dacent people ” as were Arline’s own re on her vy eyes! “. those were happy nig: No Matinées then And to F | hear Batre’s Opera we went in the dress circle— quite a ‘ ily ci and cakes in our hands—cakes io stage—we heard first of all The Bohemian Girl, and then after that, the Pantomime. And here she is again,—or was, last Thursday, and ‘I love her still the same,” although I am Aw Oxp SracEr,

COLERIDGE ON “GENERAL GORDON’S LETTERS TO HIS SISTER.” ‘41 near the very Gorpon that of old ; Was wont to preach to me, now once more preaching.” Wallenstein, Act Y., Be. 2. Gordon (loq.). “*O Time Works mi In one hour many thousands Of grains of sand run out; and quick as they Thought follows thought within the human soul. Only one hour! Your heart may change its purpose. His heart may change its purpose,—some new ti May come: some unate event, ive, May fall from Heaven and rescue me, O what May not an hour achieve! ” Wallenstein, Act V. 8c. 4,—only one word changed.

SHAKSPEARIAN DISCOVERY. Vatvz of Money in Elizabethan Era! SHaxksrxane Economist!! This isa discovery worth everything commentators have written. It is this: “ Gravedigger (to Hamiet). A tanner will last you nine year.” ” within the present cen , was always crown) haps equal in Sa ee a ies T , Was per in KSPEARE's time a ‘our times that amount Yet, even if this be so, what could the price of caning have been, and what could have been the Gravedigger’s estimate of Hamlet, when he expressed his opinion that a couple of shillings (if that were the Elizabethan value of the “‘ tanner,”) would last him “nine year” Pas. a practical that Bacon-fed

- == OUR REAL GRIEVANCE OFFICE. Before Mr. Commissioner Punca. A Journalistic Specialist introduced. The Commissioner. Well, Sir, you look pale and ill, What can I *! for yout D itness. I am a Dramatic Critic on a morning , and m TE te a as yer pet wen ‘om. y I was im) i t your pest was a light and pleasant one. 4 _ Wit. that was many years ago. In the Sixties a new piece came out about once a month, and there was plenty of time to see it and think it over before sitting down to write a criticism. om ae rt I sw mes --— upon ! it. Certainly. is a great competition amongst the dailies, and Hitle important as a Dramatic Crile 4 is considered, his notice must be pu as soon after the performance as possible, Com. 1s this your only complaint ? Wit. Certaini y not. After all, Art suffers rather than the writer, when a notice has to be done at =e rate speed. So, as a pro- fessional journalist, I should find li fault with the exigencies of the machine-room and the publishing office. But our great griev- ance is that whereas a morning performance was in the olden times nearly as scarce as a blue moon, nowadays they are as numerous as blackberries in the Autumn. Com. Do you object to morning lormances ? Wit. Most strongly. i y they give us a sort of dress rehearsal for the piece intended later on to form a of the evening programme, and on these occasions they are defensible but not weleome. But when they are merely vehicles for the exhibition of “‘ vaulting ambition over-reaching itself,’’ and crass conceit enjoying a field-day, it is time to remonstrate ! Com. You — warmly ! Wit. Have I not reason so to do? Will you believe it, Sir, but last week I went to the theatre eleven times! Com. Really! Well then, perhaps you can tell me what you a of The Power of Love of Miss Linpixy ? it. I would rather not say. The name is not new; it served as ‘ | a second title of Batrer’s Opera Satanella. Com. Was The Power of Love funny ? Wit. Some of it was very funny. For instance, there was a dram- i , who, after ing his ‘* best patient,” went about crying for someone to buy a practice. We screamed at him! ‘om. Was i too? Wit. Well, no, she was but her part was Reeth sien lous. It speaks well for that the audience did not hiss her. Because she is bored with her home, she attempts the life of her father—believes she has killed him—enjoys balls and suppers without the least remorse, and ultimately ‘‘ takes up” with a gentle- . “19 a turn for dentistry | it, Oh, use the poisoned draught, by an accident, does mt ; me her father’s li ns she is ie cla — woman by all the dramatis persona every rejoicing. Com. Dear me, this sort of thing seems rather trying ? Wit. I should think so! But the Power of Love was rather above the average. It must be remembered that Luovp.ey dramatised a novel—nearly always an unsatisf labour. times *‘ the new and original pieces ”’ uced at Matinées are simply intolerable. Com. And I suppose they are usually ‘‘ slated.” Wit, Of course. That is one comfort, they are crushed and never appear again. a ct can quite understand the feeling of annoyance their per- formance must create ; still it seems to me a little unjust that there anvil. There wala be ed in the it. w , were way—in the oven = 15 removed irom the bil if they failed toon om, is your y Wit, I would abolish meeS ppmmanses, exsent for charities. Com. I am obliged to you, I make a of your suggestion. [The Witness thanked the Commissioner, and withd Trew,

Tux Opps ww ovr Favour.—We have come to be a large and liberal generation. Our noble selves are not as were our narrow progenitors. They used to boast that Englishman could beat any three Frenchmen—that was to say, We have ceased to be so insular. We don’t say that. No, but haven’t we been acting as if we thought so still? Don’t our ions and pre- cautions for national defence against possible of allied enemies appear to have been calculated on the presumption asserted in the above sometime popular saying;as to the

to one ?

VOL, XCIV.

Page 196

— PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (Marcu 17, 1888, ee —__ THE SWEATER’S FURNACE: OR. THE REAL “CURSE” OF LABOUR. Oe ei yn the Gj Yi \ “4 “at small rooms, not more than nine or ten feet aquare, heated by a coke fire for the presser’s irons, and at night lighted iy flaring gas-jets, six, eight, ten, | and even a dozen workers may be crowded . . . The stench and foul vapours | about the place are very bad . . . As regards hours of labour, earnings, sanitary surroundings, the condition of these people is more deplorable than | that of any body of working men in any portion of the civilised or uncivilised | world.”’"—See Lord Dunraven’s Speech on the Sweating System. “* In the sweat of thy brow shalt Its horrible eminence. Singers. thou eat thy bread!” sweet What hideous echo from mock- | Of oe - burgeon and brooks | t fleet ; 1A ing lips | 2 7B) Rings through this den of despair Beneath the touch of the coming and ak Come here, cast S on this scene Where the hot fume mounts and i sing the dank steam drips ? Sing, if the horror that grips your What devilish echo of words di- sus i | Will leave you breath for one vine ? Oh, gold hath glitter and gauds are — note ; : i Rave of March in a rhythmic rap- Te e, And Mammon swaggers and Mode ture ; sits high Rhapsodise of the coming a cs . — ° ’ ° Nihwe And their thrones are based on this Seck from the caro human stye! a pete eet fire (lay “ All the ci tances of the t ° . __A lilt of joy that shall fire yo muneration, and the sanitary conditions under which the workin done are ‘* That hole of sorrow,” the last With « rural jubilance strong t disgraceful . . . In the ‘dens’ of the Sweate the called, there i ark deep wn not the slightest attempt at decency. . . . In the vast nM eR of came work Of Dawre’s dream, may no longer |The maddened moan of these is carried on under conditions in the highest degree filthy and unsanitary. In keep thralls of Town. ———

Page 197

Mancu 17, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 123 Corpse-like gleameth each Though the Turd far and the oathsome Ts Beh for lite, but each laboured breath the road to death. _ the way To a better day. These slaves must sweat sy their pitiful pay. And the Sweater is heaven-born—so they say ! Heaven-born! Yes; who shall dare decline To yield to Economy ’s right divine,— That latest incarnation Of Cesarism in sordid flesh ? For souls once tangled in Mammon’s mesh There’s no emancipation. Sew on, sew on, in lare and reek, Ye men Ly: ye eo meek, With back low-crouching, and chee 7 ts flare sew on, whilst the gasligh Thro thes steam and the tainted air! acces fella’ What dat hovers. pn e Swea' smug—so From his human furnace is For him ye i Your lives are His the new —Mammon’s own, Trade’s trick is transmutation. ulation. Fate hath its formula, life its plan : The many must, few that can; Man's cheapest tool is « helpless man. Can Justice centene with Supply Demand So the Sweater ——= His furnace fierce Yeta will Now and anon throug: the ted air From the tortured red creatures in torment there ; A moan of sorrow, a piteous prayer ; Questioning iin if the bloated purse May claim to al At Son eweet wl and p lara Tite we ht by an is the oot wrt Mts ti, — Till, in Sweater’s fashion, the text is read, ‘In the sweat of their brow shallj they earn my bread!” and acquaintance \. be remarked the o the other day, ot never could saying, en in doubt, play a trampet |’ Why ‘a trumpet ?? No, my dear, are some proverbs | think f and that is one of them.” On another recent she observed, to some al PREVAILING TOPIC! Stumpson (in answer to Talboys’ greeting). ‘‘OH, ALL RIGHT, '¥ "TWASN’T YoR THESE EAsT Wixps——” Talboys (who's a little hard of hearing), ‘' Twins! My pear Fettow, I conoraTuLate ~— I’m sure, I’D REALLY NO IDEA YOU WERE——AND HOW ARE THEY—ALL Tuxez }— HOPE——” Stumpson (testhly—large fal already), ‘I pipy’r say THEss Twins”—(shouting)— ‘I SAID THE EAST WINDs ! a A Rise IN WArerratzs. — that has yet been seen. “ Nia iagara in London” uestionably The deception is perfect, and it's difficult ins the ontouane bo doside hs tend 9 pancrams where the real ends and the canvas commences. The scene is quite a “‘ rus in urbe,” with ite woods and flowers, and particularly its poles, although the human. Attached to the view of a shilling is charged for admission that diners or —— have no y discuss the good things SHAKSPEARE), - whet a fall was there!” and, as they p’ the great waste (if anything can » F weten io a uatiees at are telographio and not @ la carte or otherwise. So culty in discovering what should oome after the deluge, provided for them, they can murmur (with Scorca Mixture.—The Scotch Becky Sharp seems to have taken in even the astute Professor Bracke, who has written to say that this was no wonder, memory, intending to quote from Biacxre) ‘* she would have taken in the And And yet the latter is Sub on wont Ott, & ald Clooti as (we quote from himself.” not so Blackie as he is painted. So which ought to have the ie or Auld Bracurs?

Page 198

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. (Manon 17, 1868, | ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. BXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, March 5.—Grand attack to-night | upon Government in of system of National Defences. Opposition almost exclusively conducted by warriors seated on) inisterial side, and usually regarded as Friendlies. Mixed forces | drawn from Army and Navy; appeared to be ae © individual | account; condu attack in guerilla fashion. ut the whole force under secret command of General Lord Granpotrn, V.C. who — a safe position on an eminence above Gangway, and cultivated the expression of NaPoLeon crossing the Alps. Captain Cotoms led off. Was in fact, as Bropricx said, ‘‘ the = —-* ap ee i , but. not new. Very! old story, especially in Asiatic warfare, for attacking party to| advance with loud cries. Cotoms adopted this strategy with un- qualified success. his speech at note of powerful voice, and kept it up for nearly an hour. ‘If the Monument could speak,” said Axravr Batrovr, putting his hands to his ears, ** suppose its conversational tone would be something like Cotoms’s when addressing House of Commons.” _Effeet remarkable. Completely cleared space ye by him. At early hour of engagement shouted CuILpEgRs ¢ off Front Opposition Bench. A volley of sentences delivered in rapid succession at the shout, struck Home Secretary in the abdomen like a piece of old red sandstone. ‘‘ Sabsequent ings interested him no more.” Even General Lord Granpotrn, V.C., h not imme- diately wae range, = -+~— by ay of ny ay flung sentences, that he took early unit retiring to his tent. Only for his wig, which Pm me / a would have gone to his chop stone-deaf. Old Morality, writing letters in his far-off room, so stung by one of Coroms’s o i that he sent in word to offer Select Committee at once, if Cotoms would shout no more about Royal Commission. Srtarroxrp Norrucors. entrusted with message ; could not stand the blast when within speaking di tance, and after gallant effort retired, leaving Cotoms erect, solitary, and triumphant, in the waste he had created. Finished up with a terrific tornado of peroration, and amid the ‘ound silence that seemed thereafter to reign, the few surviving Members ht they heard faint echo of voice “calling attention to present ition of our Military and Naval resources.” This was Watrer Barrretot bringing up reserves, and moving for Royal Commission. Cotoms had had the first place with Amend- ment, which duly appeared onjthe paper. One of earliest victims of the terrific storm was this Amendment. Pulverised, shattered, blasted into space; not a trace of it left. So Barrreror got his chance. As piece of coatey,, Ole move thoroughly successful. Ministers so unnerved and shaken by continuous tornado, hadn’t nerve for anyiaing. Opposition'also silenced. So Grawpotrn, V.C., brought up his men one after the other, including Beresron,, who pounded away at Treasury Bench till there wasn’t a sound timber in its construction. But honours of the day remained with the rever- | berating CoLoms., Business done. — Skirmish — round Army Estimates. “pga Tuesday. — Quite a Scotch debate to-night. Lively, too, with commendable absence of jocularity. Grorex CAMPBELL gan it. Moved addition to New Rales providing for Scotch Grand Committee. Convincing speech, but not nearly so elo- . YP quent as the way in which Sir 2 ZA . = | Grorce subsequently wrestled (2 e— : with his knees as er ; . after speaker followed, \' ’ and casual conversation SB enlarged into set debate. ~ } “4 se we ‘am the rolling. ot , = | often a chance of pre- ’ cunting himself —w 4 ouse in capacity o Hie Seoteh Member. bad- 1 | denly remembered to- M4) |!)\) i F night has Seotch bleod y . id Mg P in his brains, and - represents Scotch con- pag 8 ate AROCOURT a t. , : Otherwise Se don aaa Mr. Bolton’s Cogitation. have recalled his descent from the Srvarts, ani urged eppointment of Scotch Standing Committee. leseaped. Probably Granpotra forgot |gloomily silent. |eries for division, s | fully regarded the House and sat down It was Marx Srewart who brought up Grapsrors, thoughtful man is Marx. Perhaps a little in His habitual woe aggravated w-night by a sudden gi sight. Campsety’s Motion plain and ical enoug’ men. Srewart Marked much below surface. Under muffler he saw the * i Disestablishment of the Church. Boxrom, who had been furtive} thinking of voting for the Motion, rela into’ state of perturbed htfulness. GLapstone joyously jumped up and threw himself into the fray. After this the armies were set in battle array. House summoned to consider) Procedure Rules, launched f into Home Rule Debate. The Front Opposition Bench filled up with youn eager for the fray. CaMPseLi’s knees were raised hi and higher, and hugged in a i controversy raged, the higher his exaltation. Repeated to himself, in sort of ecstasy, a long-forgotten stanza :— “ © what a parish, what a terrible parish, O what a parish is Little Dunkel’ ! They hae hangit the minister, drowned the preeentor, Dung down the steeple, and drucken the bell! ’’ As midnight drew on, Courtney could stand it no longer. Had ten minutes of wild delight. Turned = TREVELYAN, battered Bryce, and nearly snapped off CamPBELlL-BaNnNERMAN’S head because he had presumed to shake it. * Well, well,” said CampsEtt-BaNneRMay, when he had recovered from tempo fright, ‘at shouldn’t grudge CoURTNEY an occa- sional fling. ink of he must suffer when he sits in Chair, closely follows a debate, and feels the temptation to rise and show successive disputants what fools they are, and blind. His secret sufferings must be terrible. Can’t him a little blood-letting.” Admirable debate, but— Business done.—None. Thursday Night.—General Lord Granpotrn, V.C., girt on his sword, put on all his medals (including the Jubilee), tightened his belt and at beat of drum, being on the stroke of half-past four, stepped into the breach. A gellant sight that stirred all hearts. Special interest in mancuvre, it being whispered that Granpotrn, having strategically ordered BartreLoT on in advance, would take an opportunity of shooting him in the back. As for Minis- ters they were sure to be peppered. Only ple who felt safe were the natural Rrediion on benches opposite. Every- one near the General felt uncommonly uncomfortable. On the war prance for an hour andahalf. Bullied Stawnors, jeered at Goscuen, and made the white teeth of Old Morality shake in their sockets. But Bartretor somehow him, or by accident shot the wrong man. Pretty to see the face of the Colonels and the Captains as Granpotrn prattled of bayonets and fought his battles o’er again. Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, sat HamMigy so unnerved and being met with that, ently and reproach- resently ang 1 without a word. ; All this fine to to see, But nothing to later appearance of Old Morality in quite new character as Mystery with proposal about alternative inquiry which supersede Bartretor’s demand for Royal Commissi An Eloquent Speech. Man of should ion. Sort of thimble-rigging business. There was pea in the shape of sheet of note-paper on which proposal was written. There were three thimbles re tm oe mene I statements attempted by 0. M. ‘Under which thimble is the pea?” Old Morality asked, looking as JoserH GILuis said “ more m than ever.” ; Curpers said it was there; CaMPBELL-Bawwerman declared it was THERE! WaLrer BaRrrerot was certain he eould spot the thimble. As for GrawpoLrH, waxing his moustache so as to look at least like Narotzon Tue Tarp, he said there was no pea at all. Old Morality very angry. Scene of confusion. SPpEaxEs be revealed as men in solemnly declared must vote for Grand Army w hour and balfe spesch he had

Page 199

GERE|| > | E KerhEs Life i

| TREE RBRE ELE

Manon 17, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 125

of eenrye blubbered out ‘‘ Don’t kept him in state of terror for Amendment to be negatived. So the great battle Business done.—Got into ~~ on Army Estimates. Friday Nig At.—Kine-Hanman walking about Lobby in rather low spirits. ‘Sill -_ aes on pon | and again blocked by Irish Members. ly ent, a de tak is, that oe p ak... to the » Lass a i sae foc tawarche cf National Debt Krine- thing—especially to give rect for Business done.—Doom of

tune, and if DrvrioLanus OrgRaticus could ~ pany, and said *'4u revoir.” . the Mr, "Punch wishes you ‘ My Lord La-thoenat-bor-Pect. wie te dg ty Io cess in your American tour, and will rejoice to weleome you on your return. Many happy “ returns.”

ANOTHER ODE TO MARCH, (Being a Cownterblast to Mr. A. ©. Swinburne’s rhythmical rhapsody in the ‘‘ Nineteenth Century.” By one who has certainly ** learned in suffering” what he endeavours to “' teach in song.”) and trade. ero and trade. se tenes and 1. of poll rhythmical rapture, your revel of 0h, incontinent Aectmaes tacts, hat the dickens you mean b 7 such rubbish I should like to ag aa : oy ho ca You love and ejie, you, leader and lord of the lyrists of curses

In a beast of a month that half drives one to madness, and makes « man wish he had never been born ? Hove you shaken the snow Svem your sheso on 0 deermat, with frost ve your nose and your been Have ° yan met a Mare! wind ‘oming hur 7 = & corner, your mackintosh drenched and your And tried to take breath in the nip ot North’ asters No, AlLeznyvow CHARLES, or you’d never talk so / Itt, Fain, fain would I have but te oS ho health and the comfort March blasts have dispelled and I tell yomamey led, you tip ws ouch drivel, your fame ese bard is eeiilie’'s Come, . ll now, - tt these nose-rasping winds, "these On os! *tisn’t possible, Pn Say Bey; you are longing, us, for the sun and the flowers. Why tell taradiddles a month, when one only is warm eS wy pay bronchitis about, and rheumatical pange ar. our lot One smi SE een terced Dern eatees Mies tn wesths oll the ** snow-flowers ’”’ that ever have bloomed. Iv. When the sunshine quenches the snowshine—euss it!—when April hooks it, ani Joke tions lier, er a en if you like, my nana on, your say. ves we may song for our smiles and | oem % You nats masd es tao haves for thin aedlok nd and soddeat of months to kick up such a rhythmical row And somewhere surely the sound of of the laughter of mocking demons must echo your lay, desire, and b apeten, with a the Tho bene of Lekaiane ond InGuctns, the wheeny chest, the newrelgic brow Must chortle loud in their Arctic empire, to think they have nobbled one bard anyway. v. Are your feet at ease in a pool of water, when winds blow cold from | 1 | know that in fact it is it’s all very well ina tic, ow that in i ” fiddle-de-dee. = Deen Se ane Eee wind cult sear aneat Does the blast of an icoberg’s | thing assist your brea Is March with the wild North-easter raging, as fine a thing as your poem saith ? Is there not some rot in your rapture of passion, reiterate mellowly though it may be? Our hearts revolt Ne the blast ' your clarion, Cuantes, Upon winds we’re aware you are death But leave to Krvestey the “* brave North-easter ;” from fudge like this let the world go free. VI. For the “‘ breath of its + yl “A -< bunkum, and bunkum the fulsome praise of your fl **Glad god of the North-east wind P” Great Casan! O Swivevane, dear boy, that is it strong ! Its Magten © ee turpentine plasters, mustard poultices, Night lit with ¢ the flame of the night-light dismal, the roupy oough— ou should just hear mine! for the gaspings that deepen and quicken, for fevered fancies throng, mL well that the menth’s a nuisance, and you may depend will at once decline To be <idled e'en by your dithyrambio ; beeause, old fellow, we know your re wrong. vu, Tho jelly & dundee Se next one’s skin is as as starch. Its raixe that chill us are most disgusting, ‘and equally so are ite gales that h. What ! \indle mortals to love and laughter by lauding the beastliest winds that blow ? Arouse our fondness for wintry wetness, for choking dust or for blinding snow ? ips are eloquent, Atexanon, set in Apollo's genuine are But neither the flame that 1. your tropes, nor the fervour that setteth your figures ag -—'; — pe Stas telly of mashing 0 gud ot the wind of March !

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Manon 17, 1888,

treaties va Mt ne eon Sy a Ke ere » Ag Sr] rer see a FOND AND FOOLISH. Daritne |” Edwin. “ Norutne, Dantino. Onty Darting, Darina!” Edwin (suddenly, after a long pause). oe A cw “# Day tt ~<a ty “Yrs, Daniine?” [Bilious Old Gentleman feels quite sick, Angelina,

GERMANY. Marcu 9, 1888. With folded pistons, but unfailing beats” ith fo a ut unfai g hoot, That mplendid oun sink | the deepening dark at splendid sun in the y So glorious a course should have a close As calmly ual as the t ht rose Of a long. Eh. y blends With hastening nig pe ond hushed silence ends. Not so the Fates Tempestuous clouds lowering sorrow shrouds When cr death that naah and he oe Ze the grey dept that wash around the world, What thoughts possessed his vassals as it sank To } © with chattennl eputtanl aee-ctcamiiebhk? * He no more,” that monarch old and brave, Worthy crown-wearer, “‘leal unto the grave.” An older, —y~ King, as stout, as leal, Erect as some tall amy and tense as steel, Has bowed to the foeman, and at iast The well-won cup of conquest from him cast— Whither ? A werd i in wonder waits to see— Waits with bent head and silent sym y; And a myn eya dy oe: asks to Ghat high es ae ence a great presence with a That the White = of Sek y settlo there there, As dep ach cnn chase dain ho oan, Chemedin Night’s shadow, and that watchful Eagle sits.

“Sounps Lixe Ir.”—If the Government’s suspicions are con- firmed by positive evidence, over some of the Navy Stores will have to be weilten, ** Knavey Stores,”’

GEORGE JOKIN GOSCHEN. (Chez Lai.) t success of the Crancettor of the Excnrqver as 4 punster has been so marked that 85, Fleet Street has been absolutely flooded with inquiries as to the ways and means adopted by the Right Hon. Gentleman to produce his brilliant effects. The excel- lent jeu de mot about Mr. Wrxpnam being “on the Spree” * while staying in Berlin (a pun — it is — has been translated into every European fy ys to have been thrown off as a care- fully prepared impremptu ; but the companion platsanterie about the Court Theatre being ‘* no Criterion” + shows traces of greater elabora- tion. It is, of course, against etiquette to answer the question whether Mr. Goscuen writes for the Periodical in which these lines appear, but it may be safely conjectured that nothing from his accomplished pen has ever A | published i in these We hope on a future occasion to fully expiain the manner in which ‘the “ Comie CHAaNcELLor” concocts his amusing conceits, but at present (as our scheme requires a great deal of tact and bri ) we must request our readers to rest satisfied with the publication of the following quaint cranks and oddities that have caused endless merriment during the past week wherever they have been related. The Cuancettor, the other evening, was witnessing the per- formance of Miss Anpgrsow in the Winter's Tale, at the Lyceum, when he called his Private Secretary’s attention to the fact that the charming young actress a in two réles. ‘This coon me believe,” said the Right on. Gentleman, “that our delightfal American visitor must be very — bred!” The Private had to leave the box in convulsions of laughter. On reaching = ws pewoves, SF the young man gave a proof of his insincerity by ing like a child rd Harspory, in conducting the Lunacy Acts Amendment Bill through Commi was heard to murmur to himself, “ This measure should have been introduced in Paris rather than in London. * The Spree is the river on which the capital of Prussia is situated. To be a 1 Spree” implies that the person so described is im a cheerful frame of min + “ The Criterion ” is the name of Mr. Wrwpuam’s London theatre. ———— Tue

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SerNNOSSSEER' 2 1'SS 1 &4 @ i = ae’ ew wa & PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Manrcn 17, 1888. GERMANY. MARCH 9, 1888.

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a Marcu 17, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 129 muttered remar pot onl Seine!” Lord HeERSsCHELL was 80 that he forgot to urge rivate notice, the value of Egyptian securities. gave the satirical statesman an ashop of delivered onl was sitting in his room denly of the messenger Sir,’ the witty Cabinet something, is nearly com! Pelican Club), he observed, ** I am afraid fellows think that I am fond of talking shop. ota bit of it version scheme of mine is the ‘ percenter of a x lent quip was received with roars of laughter from under the table. | to retire on his marriage. But lpm 24 the gem of the collection is another jms, which was| To see Mr. Toots in cap and gown old-fashioned College Don, is exquisitely y a few dayssince. The CHANCELLOR 0° i at the Treasury when noticed that the door | funny in itself, and he is supported 4 & really good working seems to have was the yromes reply, “it is a-jar.” | inister ; ‘* because it is an egress (a negress).” | lively young-lady-like eet of better than Miss Marre LuvpEn v2 Tt would be more likely to hold water there than here.” ro. fe to mention other examples that will oseer ’ there was r. PENLEY as It wy Lord Hosnouse, on the broad grin, who hed e | mem FF replied Mr. GoscHEN promptly, “ it) The rivate Secretary, who the k. ** Because, e 5 deals with lunatics, but is also intended to protect the|‘‘ didn’t like London,” and the late Mr. J y much amused at the pleasantry Dean every inch of - poor fellow !—in PuvERo’s ts of had of scrapes, was taken up given | who got into all sorts which he was forced to submit to every. y |subtle than in the i once with « smile, “ Really, that not necessaril prevent the impersonation from i las i it was the best thing them aa one among such genuinely comic — — ced & lively conversation on} And now our old favourite, ity of making a most mirth- | Camford. He is only called rovoking remark. Lanching with Mr. Braptaven and the Arch- | and though in some Colleges the Dean ma: be a layman—I remember f CanTEeRBURY ( Ms. Buanravon end the Arsh | tn instance in Doint where the, ofce, was aly tom y and hominal—yet it is not so in this piece, as the cleri character ; by his pointing out cel- | tutor, that there is a Co! living vacant, to which But you see this Con-| of Mr. illiken is em i ion.’” This e i - the Excueqvu:r | looking quite the type of an door?” he asked, sud- | co the remark were 80) or & beral Unionists. although quite w) ill be : Nig on and who sets #0 may have been to enrich the r of the Church, I am not aware, Mr. Punch welcoming the Rev. Johnnie Toole, M.A. patrons, and it Grunpy, when some few years produoed Ky here, used, in the . Stage-Sailor once and the Muscular Minister only Mr. W. 8, Grusert was the ditty, of his bonnes fortunes as few years, we have had more Comic ~ jwbs/ 2 Clergymen on the boards than at any r he Pick WW ime in the history of the Drama. Dean is permissible in the ons rs. time The warm-hearted, ready-witted I i ble from | Parties acts in her sprightliest out, there entered upon the scene the | So much for the i Muscular English Clergyman, ever ready | matic and generally amusing. to knock down an aggrieved parishioner, | rather forced, and all that I could clearly ma i ~-¥ pro i in | was a Dean in difficaltion “whi. » is quit distress; and, indeed, until some more| you go to enjoy Mr. Tootn’s peculiar an : by the way that any Undergraduates — Sailor, it seemed at | mistake iss LINDEN in cap and gown over her i and tie, for one of themselves, exceeds eas revived This defect can the t tone time ne improbable, Lz the ox- without 7, 2 & tremel emanl t ‘ug-|even the limits 0 aw | Britis remedied by the lady herself. I liked he Butler better than The Don, as ~ Tar in the affections of the theatre-going en blic. But at the Adelphi, under the | but perhaps the latter has the advantage in Anyhow it is bgt i sake of the Rev. Jonnie Toor, Lg om one Deptford. The Bells of Haslemere chime in with the notions of the Adelphi would now be difficult for an -~¥ less mellow Carrey Kans IN THE A Last that distinguished A = " what Mr. Srpwzy j his | African explorer, Mr. Joszrn Tomson, dramatic than Psrrrirt, Saas & Co spend some time in the Atlas Moun- shared but the Comic Cleric is ubiquitous. Who began it i turned Mr. -~ this first to start him, when he od in, this heneited the human Fa0e. It appears that the Deke the merits Rortaxp BaRRineTom into a Reverend Vicar in the costume of an Archdeacon,—the archest of Archdeacons,—telling us, in taneful | of Camsaipe®, mT course this recital of his success re of the Stage at the expense | AUBREY Bovucica t certain it is that, within the last : ad accustomed to familiarity with Weller with the Pick wiokians, rish | the joint authors, Mr. and hirt-collar supplant the British well worth seeing, for the who remember him w a 5 | Dean of St. Mark’s College, farcical improbability. with Oxford M.A. hood, been was not quite el “Why is the door not a mpany. for whom the piece who was bringing in his luncheon. ‘* Because, | wo difficult to imagine a heartier landlady of the “ Bull » ‘Not at all,” returned | Mitre” than Miss Emrty THorwe, any one more i Kitty than Miss Vioet VaNBRvGH, for the ingenuous Dora, who Some dynamiters in « who overheard amused with it that they then and there abandoned their dreadful | is such an artless ing as to be utterly ignorant of College life, purpose and the ples of the Li Q to making very good spun about ‘first-class,’ Other puns are ex hourly. They will recorded on their h a value on truth that she only arrival in our next. One, turning upon Mr. GLADSTONE being ‘* axed " | as some unique jewel is worn by its fortunate possessor, on very rare occasions. Mr. Brcumwerow is another excellent Fellow mean; scarcely a t of any recogaioed University Official, but the sort of oh wy’ retired Indian COMIC CLERICS Y ~ Colonel might be expected to make. Le agg = men, Messrs. Gar- Wuerner one of the results of that mysterious Association which | DiIvzn and Lowse, are v latter being « life-like entitled itself ‘* The Church and Stage Guild” (does it yet exist ?) representative of the ordinary uate; and youthful Mr. uur looks and acts as the boy he is and is meant to be. Mr. Suxurom gives us fair specimen of the i his you' after ra is quite possibly, eservedly successful régime of the , Garrt, the T. P. (not rh | (ah! I was just going fo write * JOHNNIE Deas, to Pay”) Cookian spirit has been summoned from the vasty deep, cleric he would have made !)— having become embodied in Terriss Firmis, is once more the people of Bt darling,—no allusion being hereby intended to that marine store, Don imaginable lord, whose t as the drollest another weloome tion to the Gallery of the Comic Clerics of the English Stage. Jack -» to he couldn’t get a piece of Deserness of ihe to call “ the | left London by the Ocsons, more finds his home at the Adelphi, | tains and Morocco. i : Hanoi» Cricuton-Brow puts in an occasio - | him by Lieut. case, the young =! oy ” these leaves bound in Moroseo. g : E E ? I rather fancy Sir James of that ilk. If the proverb ** “ ” h of | Browse, has given a year’s 0 Bele JE cate eof such «| inguir ‘an excellent book may be expected as the cutout, Ot to no matter how much i t lorers success in the wild lands they are about or how little cheek she mig! possess. me —~- : to their native & to the habitual playgoer’s ridiculous little ~_— in in “ Ba-ath buns,” and onw Crayton’s Dean—e by the police, ty. I believe Mr. p . nie a Th Cuancettor of the Excuraver the other morning, sitting in| Wisow Bannerr is also playing the of Clargymen ust 4 usual on the | now, but as I have not yet’ witnessed performance, can caly the House of Commons noti that the mace was as Harrineton, he pointed out the | suppose that the humour of the, part would bably be more b instances a mentioned, though this would portrait gallery appears Is is needless to say that the introduction of the Conversion Scheme | the Hev. Mr. Milliken, M.A., Dean and Tutor of dt. Mark College, © Mr, Milliken, M.A.” in the play-bill ; —of a Coll I of the poo» oe masters course his manner with the x Semen situations invented by gemaw Menivate. Miss Kate manner, looks her prettiest, any Irish play after the success | and dresses splendaciously, as she is bound to do in Commemoration , Week; but the part presents no ial o differentiate it from the stock “lively widow,” #0 useful in comedy. ndividuals. The dialogue is sometimes ¢ igram- i he re équivoque struck me as ke out was that Mr. TooLe far as intrigue goes, ike father, like son” holds Dandy Dick foo, and wo to his fellow- he should like written, as it and suited to the lets it appear, College gyp, 9 as was Sam jos which can sufficient when broad humour. for one minute, ordinary dress, y mx THe Box,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Marcu 17, 1888, amen ? , a THE BRITISH PASSION FOR INEQUALITY. Sturdy Briton, ‘It's ALL VERY WELL TO TURN UP YouR Nose aT YOUR OWN BREOGARLY CounTs AND Barons, Mossoo! Bur you CAN'T FIND FAULT WITH ovr Nosrmary! Taxes a Maw ike ove Doox o’ Bayswatsr, new! Way, HE COULD BUY UP Your Forgicn Doxes anp PRINCES BY THE DOZEN! AND As For You AND Mz, HE'D LOOK UPON Us AS 8O MUCH DIRT BENEATH HIS Feet! Now THAT's SOMETHING Likg A NosLeMaN, rar 1s! THat'’s A xinp o’ Nopteman Tear I, as aN ENGLISHMAN, FERL a8 I'VE GOT SOME RIGHT To Re Provp ori’ ALL ABOUT IT; OR, TALK BY THE WAY. Interior of a Compartment on a Suburban Line. Well-informed Britons and others discovered concluding the perusal of their morning papers. First Well-informed Briton. Well, I’ve read the Report blest if I can make head or tail of it. P Second Well-informed Briton. Oh, no will be. Look here, what it says. (Refers to paper.) “ The two ironclad forts should be armed with heavy guns, and made in every respect secure, The armament of all the forte on this side requires considerable improvement. It is also necessary to erect a new land-battery.” And then it goes on about the works at the ‘‘ eastern entrance,” that it says ought to be carried out with the least possible delay. Here nothing’s clearer than what the Commissioners have to say about them. Look here. Here are their very words (again refers to paper) ‘ they are completed,” they say— “And the minefields have been protected by machine and quick-firing guns, they believe that the imminent risk to which the dockyard at Portsmouth is at present subjected will be mainly averted.” A Pronounced Pessimist. ‘Mainly averted!” Gammon! Why how lon do yes think it would take to carry out the even i could manage it? ( With cynical satisfaction.) Three years, it took aday! Why, the beggars admit that themselves. And then, where’s the money to come from? I should like to ask. I tell you it's all gammon ! (Glares defiantly at everybody. ; ho -tp-4— 74,0, -, I saw about five million a the War Office. Refers to paper.) ment were (reads), “* for Ports, £1,757,600, makin conclude that amount will’ Pronounced Pessimist. ** Included i old Goscuxw for? Do you thi do it to save not only Portsmouth but the whole i from going to the bottom of the sea. (Soeanecating it as a familiar home truth.) Why, what do you thi Chancellor of the Exchequer for, country and pam the aaee First Well-informed Briton. If you'll allow me to correct you, I think you’re wrong. I certainl somewhere that the something at once. £2,000,000, I’m not quite clear (refers how, I know they don’t mean to let ms . Second Well-informed Briton. Quite so. The Goy- ernment are fally alive to the gravity of the following paragraph from the Commissi ? Report, which says that S Refers to paper.) “Tt is not too much to say that the destruction of our great dockyard at Portsmouth—and in a less degree of that of Ply. | mouth—might be decisive of the issue of a great war; while | the defence of the Thames and Medway is likewise of pars. | mount importance. After inquiring carefully into the con. | dition of each of these ports, the Committee have no hesitation | in stating their conviction that deficiencies exist in the defences | of each of them which render our position dangerously insecure,” | I have no doubt but that a moderate sum will be set aside to put the matter in to provide against the possibility of the occurrence of such catastrophes, and, | should say, without an instant’s delay. First Suggestive Listener. It’s a strong Commission, Lesbo qutll many tame. Invixe’s on it, ain’t he? Second Suggestive Listener (dubiously). I can’t quite | —v- ol he heard —— millions is about the | gure fix y experts as sum really necessary to | supply the country with an efficient of home | defences. Pronounced Pessimist. Not a penny under. (Grimly.) | Not that that would be any use as things stand. Where | should we be to-morrow, if this country were suddenly | to be involved in a great Naval war? Why, nowhere. | Look at the trial of the ae Ge other day. Besides, where are the ships? are the men? France is more than a match for us with either, and before the end of next year will be able to knock us into a cocked hat. t’s the good of “ Commis- sions” and their ”? The administration has gone to the d t’s the long and short of it. A Roused Optimist. Staff, Sir. England w better able to hold her own at sea than present moment. What if a big there, or an ironclad or two turn wasn't with big guns and ironc French at Trafalgar Bless me, as i As if we couldn’t hold our Second Well-informed Briton.— may be all very well, and no dou in it; but still the fact remains come to the conclusion that a and that the sooner it is done i | into further details in explanation of the Report Scene closes.) A Poser. Scunz—In front of the Admiralty. Arry and Dick looking up at the Sea-horses.) Dick. There never were no such things as sea-horses. ’ Arry (who has had his gun out at so much an hour on the coast). Not? Then how about the Sea-Mews they talk of, eh? Unemptoren Herors.—A Discharged Soldiers’ Aid Society is doing what it can to supply a considerable over- sight on the part of a grateful, ra than thoughtfal country. It ishardly meet that Tommy ATKINS, has spent the best years of his life in his country’s ser- vice, should be turned adrift to take the consequence 0! his unavoidableimprovidence ; the “Unemployed. There is also a Society for the Aid of Discharged Prisoners; but the aid afforded to Tommy should be oy ‘ een — teens to receive. to denominate a —can reasonably o re Mr. Punch wishes success to the D.8.A.8., for it is hard on Tomy to treat him as a boy treats an orange, which, after he has sucked it dry, he chucks into the gutter.

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| - ere ee dl ARMITAGE t/) I ee ee Bd oD Ade vee SILILILA La: US a eye 1 ‘the brute Mr. Bruin.) Y peasan my ruin. a chucked-out Hibernian y orders, Eh, why? — To fail yt sim t (Iam to see the fool squirm htful I don’t wish to make things unpleasant. (Deli Li I act, you perceive, for the firm ; Of that PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL EVICTION! ihe I must obe Li to glory !) iW; Me 7 jis) yj YY M4 4 Y Wf 7 4 Vn 4 in knew how sorry !) to evince ; y instructions. oe Ube ructions.) dog of a should like ing him ou see, b i you don'tth Turkey. ‘'S’cuss Mz, Prince! Sorry to Make any UnrieasantNess—But I'm Actina Unpgr Onpens ! 1” I’m sure, my dear Prince! y that you (You know if sorry, thé 8on usiness is b Very (If the But 4 i am I fear [z] £iga Syste iga0sddu ia 2 aaa =e iebes| : : sete 55 3 Fi: = a,se5 well e ’ Sigis ga P23 ‘Sgr ssa > gSS BsBestt:.ssecva

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. Se [Maron 17, 1888, MR. PUNCH’S VERY QUEER STORIES. BLACKWOOD’S TALE; OR, A MASTER OF BLACK ARTS. Cuaprer I, My nom de plume is Biacxwoop, but I come of stock. My father was an Omnibus Proprietor Bathing-woman. I had sixteen b quasedliy regarded as an idiotic —_ . me, f | minated ape, who perched front teeth in funnel down S i ot me to swallow “4 —— be I secretly nursed my 2 aed 7 “99 assiduous practice it to rigantic dimensions, Everything gave way before it. I tried it on my father, and willed he should not move. He was instantly pinned to his chair. The curate called. I made a mental! resolution that he should try to turn a double back-somersault. He at once did so, falling heavily in the attempt. Then I overturned an omnibus, full inside out. Nor did my experiments end here. I found that by my will I could control inanimate objects as well. With a scarcely expressed wish. I split the kitehen-table in half. With equal facility I wrenched off the front door, and had the drawing ~ ae 4 whisked through the root of the house, and ited in the back garden. Feelin m us gifted, I recognised necessity of providing myse with a wider Beld for the exercise of i ‘a’ -. Oxford Scholarship, taken up my quarters in my College commenced keeping my terms as an Under Immediately on entering into residence I lost no time in testing my powers of control over the ra The very first night I willed that he should serew up all the in their respective rooms. I had scarcely framed the resolution when he from his quarters, dark lantern and iate tools in hand, and proceeded stealthily to execute the task I had ——, allotted to him. The next morning in chapel I made him sing, ‘‘ Two Lovely Black Eyes,” in the midst of the service. My control over him was evidently com- plete. I felt that I had the Principal well in hand. And now occurred a cireumstance,“which, as the sequel will show, had a marked influence on the events of my life. Among my fellow students at St. Anselm’s was one named yo age ~ Sony aor _ —eeaio-cone, ey and swarthy Asiatic, of repulsive orbidding appearance, w ild gestures, rolling eye and demoniacal ex ion instantly fascinated me and absorbed my attention. ing in my struck him also. We became great chums. He told me uncommon one. Connected by blood with a travelli had, by the machinations of a wicked great uncle, been decoy wa age majase, So hee one Sees, oe - ursting throug’ ovens pogte Daigo in tights, behind on the road, and from that day_to had never been able to trace or even hear anything of the missing troupe since. U these circumstances he seen nothing before him but to journey to England, enter himself at Oxford for the purpose of studyi Black Arts, by a proficiency in which he hoped to recover a clue to his lost relatives. I explained to him my powers, and we agreed then and there to join our forces, and prosecute with all our re and main the object of his search together. The very next night | made a bonfire of the whole of my classical library, and supplied its place with a few care- fully selected works on magic, and was soon deep in the mysteries of foctes Diabolice of Henrianvs, Jonam’s Pankleptikon, and the back numbers of Zadkiel’s Almanack. I found the study of the new “‘ science” all . I stuck to it day and night. For a whole fortnight I cut hall, lec- tures—everything— unin’ y: y Tutor and Principal sent for me. I took no notice of them whatever. At last the evening arrived on which we were to hold our first mystic séance. My room was prepared for the occasion. A huge witch’s cauldron bubbled over a flickering blue flame in the centre; this was encircled by a double row of human skulls; several alligators were caspended from the ceiling; a tripod surmounted by an Arabian dish of steaming aromatic incense stood in each corner, while a night owl was perched over the bookease, and a couple of ten-foot snakes wound themselves noiselessly in stealthy coils about the floor. My scout’s boy, who brought in my tea, noticed these, and seemed anxious to quit the apartment. . | buildings swayed to and froas if they i And now GuLLrTorF commenced our incantation. Spiritualistic —ry were new to me, and I was at first startled at being nged on the back by a phosphorescent accordion. f ** This is nothing,” said Gutiyrtorr, ‘‘to what you will see!” He was right. Scarcely had he spoken before a troop of gibbering skeletons poured out of the cauldron and flooded the A corpse in its shroud sat on the mantel-piece. A crowd of hideous — careered about the staircases and frig htened men returning te to their rooms after attending a Union debate into fits. Clg of terrific thunder resounded above the walls, and the “a . ; been a labouring ship | struggling against an overpowering sea. The Principal came out | into the quadrangle to see what was the matter. He found it peopled | | with ghastly shapes, and was immediately seized by a headless illn. | d itself upon his neck, and clinging wildly to | | his College cap, caused him to stagger heavily in the direction of the | gate-porter, crying aloud for — o | At this moment a big blazing balloon of blue fire settled over the | jeauldron. In the midst of it sat a little old Jew money-lender with | a frightful grin distorting his malignant features. | “You want to find the Circus troupe!” he screeched, addressing | Gutiyrtorr in a piping treble. ‘‘Ha! ha! ha! Ho! ho! ho! We'll see about that to-morrow!” Then breaking forth into a wild can-can, he dashed through |the window, where, followed by the now frantic and howling | | taseng t. om, ghosts, and ie by a omens up, he dis- | | appeared, much to thes of the rigade, who had | | been summoned by the authorities, now fairly alive to the fact that | an unusual commotion was occurring within the College precincts, among the chimneys and spires of the neighbouring public buildings, | So our incantation ended. But I passed a sleepless night. (To be continued in our next.) JUSTICE TO THE LADIES! (By our own Prophetic Descriptive Reporter. ) Tae House of Commons was in a ferment of excitement. The | great question of the century, ‘‘Should Women have the right of | Voting ?” was r discussion. Upon the decision of that evening the matter rested. The Government and Opposition were mixed; some were in fayour of the measure, some against; and all were anxious. The Grand Old Man had made a d old speech, which would have been grander had anyone been able to clearly comprehend the conclusion to which it pointed. The Tribune of the People, now the leader of the Tories, had his say, but still ‘the question remained unsolved. How would it end? Those who had memories recalled the fact that the great Earl of Beaconsrretp hi shortly before his lamented death, espoused the cause of the ladies. But for all that, there was a feeling of uneasiness that, given votes, seats would follow, and that then the House of Commons would lose its well-established reputation for being the most comfortable Club in Lendon. What would become of the husbands, if the wives saw them home? How would it be possible to plead the excuse of “ par- liamentary duties” for absence from the country house, if man and his better half were admitted to the same division lobbies? That was the rub! : Many of the younger Members had urged the plea that, it was rude and discourteous to make an invidious distinction between the | sexes; but these juvenile ——y | had been laughed or coughed | down by the greyheaded fa of families. It was all very well | the | for bachelors to talk, but let them wait until br J became married | e men, and then the matter would present itself to different aspect. So the pret made, and the cléture was ign topic under discussion. . At length there was a pause, and a deep silence rei m under quite a h after speech was in the dh dheorbing interest of the | ed. All eyes were turned towards the Treasury Bench, before which was standing a Minister, white and trembling with emotion. ; . pa ‘* Sir,” at last cried the Statesman, struggling with his sobs, “it isa pate moment, a very painful moment, but I am bound to do my uty. I must confess that women are superior tc men in intelli- gence, tact, and everything that fits a human being to be a Member of this honourable House.” — Again there was a deep silence, and all present hung upon the speaker's words. He wiped his eyes, and continu “I must remind the House, Sir, of this memorable fact. Many here present will have seen from time to time in the newspapers that I, in my official position as Cuancettor of the Excnzquer, have received halves of bank-notes. Those remittances have come exela- sively from men. I am bound to admit the fact that our sex with idiotey! But, Sir, I must say that no conscience-money ever been paid by a woman!” : J The next moment Justice and Reason had prevailed, and, with s mighty shout, the franchise had been. given to the Ladies ! (CP NOTICE.— Rejected ip no be hen ed sheto wlll be Uo eaitetien. a a ications or Cqytributions, whether M§,, Printed Stamped and —_ ores ale *, Drawings, or Pictures of an ped Envelope, Cover, or Wi

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MEDAL, PARIS EXHIBITION, 1878, wll # payee WHISKY. MEDAL, DUBLIN EXHIBITION, 1885. ieee STREET, LONDON, W. WURKE’S. === OK WHISKEY, MOST DELICATE WHISKEY IM THE WORLD. BOTTLED IN DUBLIN. SAMPLE (One Dozen) CASE sent irect from Dublin, Carriage paid, to any idress in the United Kingdom. PRICE 42/- PER CASE. E.& J, BURKE, DUBLIN. ALD D VINTAGE PORTS. 1861, 1863, 1865, 1868, 1870, 1872, &e. GUARANTEED, S JOHNSON & SONS, WATH-ON-DEARNE, YORES. Est. A.D. 1799. ‘WELCOME ALWAYS, KEEP IT HANDY,” GRANTS’ MORELLA CHERRY BRANDY.” Of all Deaiers. Beware of Imitations, Manufactured by THOMAS GRANT & >ON8, MAIDSTONE, J gl & C0. $\3

frige, 2s.. 44.6d., am ., 2, amd Be, Od, ; Tooth a From ait Pearumens on Cn holesale cnly: 61, FRITH 8T., LONDON, wv. STUTTERING !! quickly and thorough!y cured by the establish- ment of ROBERT ERNST, BERLIN, W.; P< OTSDAMERSTR., a7. Prospectus gratis and post paid. Pees payable after being cured, GOLDEN | HAIR. AIR. —ROBARE'S AUR AUREOLINE wwniret * rvented riectly t- y Pree bt I ta S.. « | principal Perfumers and tert bee, eee aorwiek's a Powder

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ere Ser of PERRY DAVis' FAN ein the ,and most widely-knowWe Word. It instantly Believes peices » te idee ait Sprains, Testhache, “Hiecdeche, ce, Pains in’ the Side, Joints, 8. ieee she ‘So ESEESS? LAVENDER a Site NY fatten ae, WATER. 176 and 177, STRAND. At the Ratiway Boohstal® tod generally through- Prices, le. to 6. ; Post Pree, 24, extra.

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27 y/ / ta i ; Minto Chie iyo Lesion, : x w d E z . B a Wen ae nas mene

Page 209

\ V4 LL be published this week, a new and complete copyright Edition of DoucLas Jerrotp's MRS. CAUDLE’S CURTAIN LECTURES, with all the [Mustrations from “Puncu, —C. Keene, Cc. One Shilling. tain Se PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. “SONSd JSIUHL BWOluves VOLUME THE a NINETY-FOURTH. : —+— NN OCT @ en . st —_—— -— MARCH 24, ‘ es ne ae ee) ———— OU fb vol vi. es Tle PUNO VOLS i te gM 'l jit) \ ‘i i yl f jus AT . ” 1 ae a ay I ‘| it) ‘ly ffi Ui] j oop nes fi uy OF ROS: > wlll by 7 EN Uae rv Hk AT i i)\ TY Dy 4 “ VE H PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS, The filling at the A pollinaris bn 1 VY OQ V 1s Spring during the year 1887 amounted to 11,894,000 bottles. at the Genera! Post Oflice as s Newspaper.)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI—Manou 24, 1888. DR. SMILES’S WORKS. LIFE AR AND LABOUR; or, Cha- of Ina 5 try, Talent, and of Men me y Ay F MEN 9 OF INVENTION AND JAMES NASMYTE, ENGI- Autobiography. "with Portrait em 6 4s each SELF-HELP. THRIFT. CHARACTER.| DUTY. INDUSTRIAL BIOGRAPHY. LIF OF GEORGE STEPHEN. With Illustrations. fis; 7s LIVES OF THE ENGINEERS. LIFE OF THOMAS EDWARD, parenasase. Diustrated by cones Kew, B.S A JOuN MURBA Av Albemarte Btreet. THE MATRIMONIAL HERALO AND FASHIONABLE MARRIAGE GAZETTE is the original and only recagnised medium for Hign- Tn red nc tions the \argest Matrimo: ia Agency tm the " fevelope, 4 . ems Editor, @, Lamb's Conduit Sirert, Loudon, WA “OUR NEIGHBOURS.” PARTRIDGE & COOPER, STATIONERS, THE 192, FLEET STREET. TOBACCONISTS COMMENCINC. OW TO OPEN REMUMERATIVELY from ony ona count. however small Ilhustraved 2 stamp-. LESSER FRIEDLAN DER, bimhed © years. Catalogue 3, Houndsditeh, London. Este THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY ESTABLISHED 1825. Accumulated Fund, 6} Millions Stg, FOR PROTECTION EDINBURGH, 8 George Bt. (Head Office) LONDON, 68 King William Street, B.C. ” & Pall Mall East, 6.W. DUBLIN, 66 Upper Gackville Street. Branches & Agencies in lndia & the Colonies. SSURANCE LOM PA} ORDON x ABERDEEN i. Possessing all the Properties of the Finest Arrowroot, BROWN & POLSON’S CORN FLOUR Is a Household Requisite of Constant Utility. Nors.—Purehasers should insist on being supplied with Brows & Potson’s Cons Prove. Inferior kinds, asserting fictitious claims, are being offered for the sake of extra profit. CONCENTRATED SOLUBLE FRY’S PURE COCOA “I consider it a very rich, delicious Cocos.”—W. EH. 8. STANLEY, M.D. MAPPIN & WEBB’S ELECTRO PLATE. A Ses Bath is Your Own Boom for One Penny. ’ STODDART'S SEA SALTS. INVALUABLE FOR RHEUMATISM AND Wak JOINTS. Bold non 2 ib. ls. 24, Sti Boxes, Sasieateede vinta ete Anruvs H. 7 sia, Patent Me age appraved Oy ¥.C.8. Sold by Ch eens Dealers, ac. BARCLAY @ One, —— 95, bs, Farringdon Street, RC ArRToN «SAU tkp ESET: Dune set anchester Agents JAMES wooutlty sone’ nONS & CO., @, Market St. A. 21. WARRER, ‘Wholesale Export Draggists, Importers of finest Olive Oil, Licensed Makers of 33 & &%, REDCLIFY STREET, BRISTOL. TO SAVE THE TEETH, USE DAILY re COLLAS—BENZINE COLLAS CLEANS GLOVES, eases DRESSES. BENZINE COLLAS—BENZINE COLLAS REMOVES TAR, O!L,—PAINT, GREASE. R+ MOVES TAR. OIL,—PAINT, GR*ASE, FROM FURNITURE, CLOTH, &c. BENZINE COLLAS—BENZINE COLLAS. | the word COLLAS on the Label. the word COLLAS on the Cap. Bee BENZINE ¢ COLLAS—BENZINE COLLAS. Bold every where, 6d4_, ls., and ls. 61. per Kettle Agents: Sanoun & hon, 480, Oxford 8t., W. RHEUMATIC AGONIES. Dr. RIGHTER'S PAIN EXPELLER Never Fails to Relieve ond Expe obstinate Pains, and has i etn A fared asen old standing for which all tried in vain. Gout, Rhew Lay Neuralgia, yes bago. Sciatica, stiff Joints. Toothache, Me Bruices, burns, and al) Exeruciating Pain. CAUTION.—Always look for the name and Trade Mark (a Comet). is 144. and Se. 04., oF ott Cunusers. Post Pree, ls. 34. and Ss. Dr. RICHTER & CO, 1, RAILWAY PLACE, FENCHURCH STRERT, LONDON, EC. The “Gvuive tro Goon Heatran” given away! @@” AGENTS WANTED EVERYWHERE. MAPPIN & WEBB'S HOLLOW GROUND SHEFFIELD x, "7,5. = Londen, or from the Manu‘actory, Norfolk Street, In Case Complete, Sheffield. ates cant RAZORS, Ivory Handle .... Yar a vy to ai | FoRHLSEEGER, 21 MINCING LANE me, LONDON.E.C. uo of PORTRAIT ALBUMS, le OETZMANN & 60, 67, 69, 71, 73, 75, 77, and 7,’ HAMPSTEAD ROAD. (Naan Torrewmam Covar Res.) SUPERIOR MAHOGANY, WALNUT, or OAK SIDEBOARD, Fitted with Cellaret Drawer. and bevelled edge Glass in Back, 4 ft. wide, 6 Guineas Bideboards, handsome desgns, ‘ti to 85 Guiness Orders per Post receive prompt and careful attention. ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE POST FRER Wedding and and _ birthday Presents meee vay oe jan my “iret ring, £5 bs, £10 10s, £15. te £0 im Polished Brass, Oxidized Silver, and China, from 2is, to £10. DRESSING CASES, DESPATCH »o ROXES. JEWEL CASES. ATIONERY CASEB x CIGAR CABINETS, LIQUEUR CASBS. CAN DLESTICKA Photograph to held trea Portraits. RODRIGUES, 42, Piccadilly, W. OXFORD.—MITRE HOTEL ONE OF THE MOST ECONOMICAL FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE KINGDOM GOLD - PLATED TRICK “eens ep —Every- who likes a as py i heyyy ava ea adopted LA the fe Cait

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EL La nl Q La] a Masen 74, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. — aN xX. OL y ¥ | We pine 7 me AV \\ (UIP — ~- = ————— v\ NEN \ \ , THE COMING RACE.—A PROPHETIC VISION OF 1988. “SLAVES OF THE RING.” Op Srrtz. Yustrerpay the peony tu between Joz Baown and Jack SurrH came off before amy gp ta eee Oxford and Camsbrides, the Bar, Army, the Navy, and the lowest slums. In another part of our paper we have described the ene oe to jot down the first round Round 1.—Both men came right Jox struck out well with his left, and landed upon Jack's peeper, which immediately assumed rainbow colours. yy SuirH retorted with his right ae flow of ruby. Jox went down from a sledge- pote Hy tee rie fall to Smrrn. wea had tobe placed face was which or who was who, as their features were so that it was impossible to disti h them. In spite of this they still struck out, Jack catching Jor a tlow on the side of bile hans amen covense: 55s semaaaing ear, This seemed to rouse Jox, who made one last effort, crushing Jacx’s chest in, and ia his eyes into pease-pudding. This alamo bes much for It will ae ae the above that both men suffered severely. The Aight ts cnacidered one of the boot on record. Pe he long mealies bet J ay the =e encounter between Joszrn Browy, and Mr, Z se Surrn took place in the presence of six | an apher representatives of the sporting world. Amongst Would have Liked ohare een Pret, ad hey not bec elsewhere, proprietors the leading brie roe Mausio-halls. It is an open secret that both gallant a who so nobly fought yesterday are in great somwest and can pick thelr ts. Mr. Josepu who had just a dance, Spee qrcaing Soom, while Mr. Brown wore a fubionably-ct shooting suit. A smoking some cigarettes, sip- ping their coffee, and glancing through the papers, the opponents pre- ae for the encounter, divesting themselves of their upper clothing. w battle was of so much in interest, that we give it in extenso. Round 1.—Both tlemen advanced smiling. On seeing his Mr. Brown followed round qrcnent's clenched , and was ring. Senemnee sf tage memnmrerse Ne salged bis right arms as if Round 2.—Both rather out of breath from their late exertions. Mr. Surrn touched Mr. Browm on the shoulder, upon which the ag called ont, ** Yes, Zacnantan, do you want me?” To which } ce answered, ** No, Joszru, the touch was accidental.” Mr. raised his fist threateningly when Mr. Brown went under. Rounds 3 to 36.—These took some time. There was nothing par- ticular in any of them, save in Round 43, when Mr. Surrn slipped i $4 wearing : piece of sticking -ploctes oa on his nose, gat Mr. Bnows hed a piece of rag round his wounded little finger. an appeal from the bystanders the battle was drawn, a | the combatants resumed their my 1 and fraternised. It will be seen from the account that both men suffered severely. The fight is considered one of the best on record, OUR BOOKING-OFFICE, I’vz nothing to say about books this week. I’ve gone from cover to cover, and drawn blank. But I think I 13 oe the right scent now, ie 1 taken up The Prima Donna, by Surmertanp Epwakps. ore of this =. Its ® 4 -_.. ro atunely — anticipates the of PERATICUS. Most newspapers have an “* Agony a, and ‘the Illustrated London News now has a “* Bsn fees —every week. In the latest Payw Column, in P.,” alluding to the recent story of the Sham Nuns in France, that dramatic possibilities of & tale “ make mouth water.” Now, J. P. is not by on sees a “poor British novelist ;” but I think ‘I see h as if he were a Parw of glass, to save commenting a plot with this material, I beg to inform him that e story has y been done. It ocours as one of the many fei dents i in a French a which I read within the last three years, but what its name was, or whether it was written by Boisconzr, Mowréprm, Maupassant, or some other free-and-casy romancist, I —~ . this —y ony this novel x sham ones, some among them fleeced, ~~ y ae director, the Abbé somebody, was no at all opp mo ultimately fell into the hands of Police. am inclined to think it was ma Borseonry’s, but at all events it ¢ E ; ess, says the Barow pz Boox Worms, A GOLDEN EGG AGAIN. Avoruen Great Auk’s Egg bes Garnet np, been put up to Auksh and knocked down again, without bein Hyd fortunately, frail a curiosity as it was to come under 5 cen Mr. a King Street, Covent Garden, lately ‘‘ sold a very fine Great Auk for £225.” It came into the possession of its nner in 1851, who then pongat it for £18. His name ne Wem, ond be was not only so called, but wasso. Thisone egg was ultimate to a good market, and was sold for the sum abovementioned. yes it has reached its destination in safety. An accident might happen from mere Aukwardness. Some of us be that we had a ivate Auk, of a sourtiog tarn, who would lay heavily occasionaliy. ¢ wouldn’t kill to see how the trick was done. nose. First blood to Mr. Brown. two came up yawning. Mr. SuiTH was Corversion WITH Resionation.—An affliction we have to endure in this Exchequered state of existence. |S ice SC) ee

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (Manon 24, 1888, $ . . away. A livelier below—you might essay. Faust, Too old am I your brisker part to play. | ? And yet my limitations I deplore, Faust. A knock? Come in! Who now; And own with all my heart that life’s a| ; would break my rest ? bore. ont a a i ee to tt Ee . | How y you’re 1) is never quite a welcome guest. | Mephisto. Perhaps. And yet, Sir, if I might Faust. No; Mors, at the last heh we all b presume, would chouse ; I'd counsel you to don the same costume, But lately there’s no luck about my House. |

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Manon 24, 1888.) CHARIVARL 135 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON bhi “ SOMETHING WRONG!” Wife (in a Bar's rest), ‘‘Joaun! Ye'se A Baur aurxt!! I would rejuvenate you; young, strong, Lofty and mighty one, warm, My dose will make you. Bring back once more. In thine own person the lost world | . Faust. What is it ? Now, with reforms immense, | Mephisto. Reform ! Enter a new career ; | A pleasant, harmless potion, I assure you. Praise shall salute thine ear Yin 're moribund, ol man, but this will Ne’er heard before ! ' cure you ; ’ | Improve you—— a Mephistopheles. Faust. Off the earth, perhaps! I’ve heard Knowing souls these Spirits be. Of certain creatures, who were eo absurd With veritable nous As to essay committing suicide Hark! How they recommend to thee To save themselves from slaughter ; sense Life in a much “* mended” H.muse. i and = { folly. T hepe will long I almost to the upper ranks belong, And if you'll on ow tip, old boy, and mend, I will engage to be your candid friend, Your jolly comrade—will you take a weed ? —I’ll make a man of you. I will indeed ! Faust, And how must I requite your service, ., pray? Mephisto, Oh, any time will do for that. — gee oF Nay! nay! c is an egotist, I know, Aad you are looking for some quid pro quo. Mephisto, Bless you, you quite A eed retand Here’s 7 prescription. Sign it! Your u e blood Won't miss a drop; indeed, ’twill do you ’ scribe ; acer ’s just the thing I should pre- Phlebotomy ’s the need of all your tribe. After the dose your life you ’ll much enjoy. Come! do not funk it! I am your riend. The fiat bas gone forth, Favst.—MepD on Exp! my mood ; What I'd propose is for your proper good. My dose will make you healthy, active, mel- | CONSCIENCE OF THE FAIR SEX. BT os Ba Re Cm Sapa wag sug women ve . because then some of us at least would, when we thonght we ought to, send the Cuan- CELLOR of the ExcHEQueR conscience-money. As it is, I how he can possibly expect we is it, SaaksPxaRe or Dr. ey or ees, Ont anid tomation without represen tyranny to mention conscience-money, what nce can we have to pay any taxes that we oan avoid at all? us votes, and then the Government will see whether we shall be con- scientious taxpayers orno! Ever yours, Juerrrta. P.S.—Will Mr. Goscnew have conscience- | money from Ladies, or wait till he gets it? | | | In a worn-out world you dwell, preserve me from that Fain they would allure you hene~. Mephisto. Bosh! You’ll live long, and be no Stagnate here no more, old swell ; end of jolly, : Here you lose all sap and sense ! If youll but bolt my pleasantest of pills, Forbear to fool around, you and your Chief,| *Twill cure you of hereditary ills. In this ornate but poe dt den. Inherited diseases mark your strain, Jn our society you'll find relief, Gout—at your heart,—and palsy—of your You’!l feel yourself a man with fellow-men. brain,— ‘ Not that I’d thrust you mid the vulgar; ‘Tis oo. oo binging you to grief, old e ow. | Sign ; just 4 show your confidence, dear | Fair Trade to Lord Salisbury. (After his late Speech.) Mr pleas at one time seemed your pity to move, Dut now you avo dent bo any ponvers. It was politic, then, to dissemble your love. Bat—need you now kick me down-stairs ? The Two ‘‘ Short-Sentence” Judges. Mr. Justice Mathew calls on Mr. Justice Day, Brief interview. Mr. Justice M. Then we— Mr. Justice D, Quite agree. Mr. Justice M. Can't stay. Mr. Justice D. Door, Mat. Mr. Justice M. Good, Dix. (Exit.

Page 214

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. (Manon 24, 1888,

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CAUTION V. CAUTION. ''80 CAREFUL, 80 ECONOMICAL, MY DEAR Wire Is! SHE ALWAYS THE DecaNTERS WHEN WE'VE HAD ALL WE WANT—ON ACCOUNT OF THE SzR- VaNTs, You KNow! Hz! ue!.. . Sux vomex'r xxow I've cor a Kev too |” THE RETURN OF THE WANDERER. [Mr. Camznon, on resuming his seat, sat on his hat.} Back to the House! Every man, Jox, Must own that you came in time, Though they who are eager to Jox, May count that to you as a crime. Well, Joz, you may e’en let them hammer on, They don’t find it easy to score. The Speaker at once equelched poor Camenon, W Doubtless Ae found it a bore. He fancied, depend, Jox, upon it, you Turned up to the moment most pat ; What he wished, my dear Jox, was to bonnet you ; What he did was—to sit on his hat!

OYSTER CORNER. Ir seems that two or three large firms, Proprietors of the Whitstable Oyster Grounds, have clapped another 25 per cent. on to the wholesale price of “‘ natives.” Bat these so-called natives of England are said to be really natives of France, imported hither mostly from Arcachon, and only laid down at Whitetable and other , to be

cultivated and fattened. These molluses lore, in this country, are not natives at all, but only naturalised foreigners. Because an alien oyster has been educated | at Whitstable, it is no more a native thrn a man isa horse because he was born in another stalie. The exor. | bitant price of oysters a to be mainly owinz to the | operations of an Oyster King, in which, as in the Betting | King, there is much at work like jockeyship. In the in- terest of oyster-eaters, with a view to counteract that kind of practice upon the market, what do financiers sa to the formation of a Native Oyster Company Limited). **Oh, for an hour of brave old Dawporo!” That is to say, with a slight abbreviation and alteration, Oh, for the return of the good old days of Dawpo! Then the abun- dance of oysters enabled that once illustrious oyster-eater to eat his fill of them at a cost which would have been unnecessary for him to count, he never did. Let our ery be, ‘‘ Down with the price of Oysters!” and let us form a bold Company to beard the Oyster in his Shell! Motto, “* Solvitur Dando.” LOCKS UP

NOTES OF THE WEEK. Went to hear Oratorio, The Rose of Sharon, by Dr. Mackenzie —not Sir MoxRELL, but the composer—on Tuesday night, March 15. Very fine—the Oratorio, not the night—as snow was Zalling and making slush. Blizzards were about. What a splendid title s an Oratorio, The Buzzard. That is to say it ot slightly suggestive of Buscard, Beil slightly ve 0 . . there’s he my weird and German about the notion of The Wizard and the ; “ Gizzard” ought to be in it somehow. So ought “Lizard.” Will copy- ht title. To return to St. James’s Ha night was a very bad one: Mackin- tosh outside, Mackenzie within. With are still but jokes about “* un- alloy’d” pleasure quite played out, ex- perhaps, by G--nexJoxmn’ G-sca-n. a ngs romantic name— majestic, and yet as womanly as “a woman ”—for that was her réle among the p <b » ner should, who possesses her rare contralto voice, not so rich, perhaps as rare. SanTiey looked uncommonly sapient as King Solomon, took no part in any duet or trio, I su in this he showed the proverbial wisdom of the character, as his Solos were given in the best style of this King ‘So1o’-mow. t the ance, he kept his eyes fixed on his book with pertinacity of m Sr. AytHony. Butfor the subject, which of course cannot be placed on the what a opera it would make! eon yy eye moda’ 0 score for stage 8, introductions i be necessary for the sake of variety. Without , costumes, and dramatic action, it is difficult to fully realise the gorgeous scene in their mind’s eye. Oratorios which make so great a demand on the unaided imagination are the kind of thing which, to quote the onee popularlord Dundreary, ‘‘no fellow can understand,” Wrapped up in the music, and cept quite carrried away b ’ Madame Schumann. lied Miss

secularised and accom-| but which, evidently, No-vetLo can understand. An enthusiastic admirer of Madame Scuumann said that, in spite of his having s terrific cold, he must go and hear her play at St. James’s Hall, add- ing that he felt quite secure against a chill, as, whenever she performed, he was always entirely wrapped up in the music and carried away. In fact Madame has no warmer supporter than this influenzial amateur. But—will some one compose an orc work with grand effects to be called The Blizzard ?

KAISER WILHELM. Arrer THE Funzran, Marca 161TH. Ir is said, in days of Summer, when the moonlight on the Rhine Floods with scintillating silver all the land of hill and vine, That the shadow of a monarch comes to visit earth again, And that great imperial phantom is the ghost of CaaRLEMAGNE. Not in anger comes the Kaiser from his tomb at La Chapelle But his eyes are fain to look on all the scenes he loved so well ; And upon the Bridge of Moonbeams, lo! the spectre takes its With the palms of benediction o’er the ancient Fatherland. So the olden legend runneth. Now once more the Teutons weep Fos 0 ptate co peste, who has won sleep ; Though they mourn the mighty Soldier that his God has ta’en away, Tis F of his Peop t his children miss to-day. Brave in battle, sage in council, with no thought of praise or pelf, On the altar of his country he had i self ; And the up-hill path of duty with a steadfast foot he trod, Single-hearted in devotion to the Fatherland and God! May we not then, looking forward to the years that are to Cre fam, ects Serene oe en a ho mn, Dare to presage of a presence, will be seen of man once A twin-spectre in the moonbeams with the CoaRLEMAGNE of yore. And the children of those shall look out upon the night, And with awe-struck whi = ahora t as see the feersome sight,

** Lo! his great sword flashes u for an everlastin sign ; Kaiser W 1LxL™& comes to bid us cep with him the Watch on Rhine!”

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fou ; RE BF —-ERBR FP Foc =a d 8

Manon 24, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 137

DEUX BEAUX YEUX BLEUS! MonsrEvR, Clermont-Ferrand, 19 Mars, 1888. TuoveH I have yee tongue at the ends of my nails, I fiatter myself I can, in it, express myself sufficiently to ask of you your sympathy, British and generous, in my present tion, w is at once both tragic and grotesque. because I have been placed by traitors in a position of non-activity by the retraite emploi. Grotesque, because my pi of conviction have been one pair of blue a “* a crutch, whiskers @ Ja cételette de_mouton, and a felt hat. But what has been my crime? 1 applied to the Minister of War for leave. refused it to me. Was I, the great Boutanoer, the child of the Café Concert, the » mg oe —”. ! Pak eae hes. jeur; & no ve,— raed A birthright of all true “ French leave,” myself. Butas I wished to Govern- leave,” my Ly ar ment no embarrassments, | assumed the disguise, simple and eiilesscd I have indicated above. And my blue are already enshrined in y the hearts of my compatriots, who ha had recourse to your famous chanson comique, are y greeting me with the refrain, pathetic :— “ Deux beaux yeux bleus, Ah! qns fe etwas! Ainsi de montrer un homme qu’il a tort! Ah! deux beaux yeux bleus! Do you think I have been indiscreet? Then, I ask you, what would be pe areas, © your Eiges Veagenar or Duxe-CaMBRIGG the permission of your Mr. Surru to visit their hotels in London, and were re- fused ? Would not instantly leave Portsmouth- Dock-yard or Dover- i as the Chinese, the Red Indian, or the English with yellow hair, and a boule-dogue under each arm, and defy the treason- able order which deprived them of their liberty? To this question there can this sug- : whole entertainment in disguises, with ventriloquial accompaniment, that shall assist materially their deve- lopment. If am these that I may then present to the ¥. lic notles there should the “ Dictator,” I feel that, after the outrages of 15, it would create not much surprise. Deign to receive the assurance of my most distingui i GENERAL BouM-LANGER.

ROBERT’S DOMESTIC TRUBBLES. I yever rites wen I’m in a temper, leastways I don’ send my luckybrashuns to your when [I’m bilin over, Ne; | gious quail See t tual Adam, Some weeks ago I sor it, after it had been oo 5 $ 3 3 ; y rushin I maltin him all abous it, and how mach And I’ most strickly honnerabel

familyiar way in which Maddam Borys of winninges " Robert, O my beluced Mabert!"” wan mare tun:1 cond a setting in Grin nidge Park afore we was married, yrell bear, and oo I sort reliet from my hagitated feelings y i E s +8 Ts B EE Fi i BS ~E ge < FE =e ri i eee f A i H i F f 4 3 ak E | Fi: a i Ft t <P z E -s t : E at & SPs 8 i 5 E ; gE i 4 7 ‘ H & i E : i i i a i Bee if at i af :

; t | |

“IS LIFE WORTH LIVING P” Very Naughty Tommy (who has been severely corrected by his Mamma). ‘'1'u PRE'SH'-8-8 SORRY ”—(sobbing)—‘‘ Y'YoU EVER M-MARRIED Pa’ !!” I was that thunderstruck that I was dum; but I paid the money like a man, and urs Sh 9 nequontany Pub that quiet and that mild refreshment I so much required. And in that wey ye ny + Jf. I rewooed m ition. I had beep Aye no | by i

ra ‘ now to return to my gelous spowse and endever to conwince her that Maddam Burws, when she xclaimed with all her art and with all her woice, ‘‘ Robert O my beluved Robert!” did not mean of my onered name for some bass pu of his hone! 2 don’t know as how it was ewer aeept soups wep 6 AMormee as had bin lar elected by his Ward had to go home and his xpecting Missie as the Other Aldermen wooda’t have hin at ne peies, as they wayed him in the Scales and found him wantin. I was that lorst in my thorts that I ordered snother glass, amost without knowin it, and sat thinkin and sippin, till I felt as the 3 Ee ge s be i e H : z " re AL dis sé : = pee a oe F - a] in ess i ERE iL f & EF E 8 i i E ze F : rs

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. mwa aN ib ) 4a ,” ‘he ae eRe ' a» y . a”, » es ay ' Vase) « Feel ) UA VT t nif? .. ! (wt : ’ : We ‘* N j ; \ PB he ly \ \ ie — ——_-41 —_ i ~ ——en — = ———— Te! *\ y\\"; —— “ae Vey ~ | 7 ON THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID. Lady of the House (archly). ‘‘ My Hussanp’s wet aT Home, Mr. GoopENoven. . “Au, JVB GIVEN THAT UP LONG AGO!” HI8 ACQUAINTANCE!” Caller. He ’s GONR TO CALL ON 80ME Paerry Wowen oF CONSOL-ATION ; OR, “A FAIR EXCHANCE NO ROBBERY.” A Pastoral of the Period. Anovument.—A Shrewd 8 expert at a song—and a bargain—mel- lifluously reasoneth with a Simple Shepherdess, and “ converteth ”’ her to his own views concerning Exchange. “ The sweet simplicity of Three-per-Cents.” Shrewd Shepherd ing) — “ If I had as much money as I could tell, I never would ery, ‘ Young lambs to sell! ’” Simple Shepherdess. Dear me! His singing is seductive, very ! Shrewd Shepherd. Whither away, fair Nymph ? Simple Shepherdess. Sir, No Nymph am I, alas! The Nymphs are From our Arcadia. Great Pan is ! You see his régime would no longer suit us, And he’s succeeded, so they say, by Plutus. Are you a yotary of his? Shrewd Shepherd. Sweet maiden, Do I look like a man with bullion laden ? This lamb, symbol of innocence and peace, . Has not, you see, even a golden fleece. Simple Shepherdess. It does look rather puny. Shrewd Shepherd. ; Like you, my dear—— Simple Shepherdess. On every — ton Truth is not found, as Marlow’s nymph could tell. You're not a Passionate are you ? Shrewd Shepherd. Well, I have been called so. If I have a passion ’Tis for statistics. Simple Shepherdess. Ah! they’re quite the fashion E’en in Arcadia. Conrypon now sings Of “ average outputs’ and such horrid things. I do hate figures! I find my felicity In finger-reckoning and its sweet Gugiliy. ost rational and proper—in a lass. are merry. It is young— Simple Shepherdess. You are most polite, And now, good day! Shrewd Shepherd. Suggest a swap ! Simple Shepherdess. What's that ? Shrewd Shepherd. Well, an exchange ; To you the patter of the Mart is strange. Simple Shepherdess. 1 don’t quite understand you. Shrewd Shepherd. That sheep of yours—— Simple Shepherdess (alarmed), You do not mean to kill My pet? You’re not a butcher in disguise, Now, are you? Shrewd Shepherd. Bless your innocent blue eyes, Do I look like a cruel carnifex ? No, not for all Arcadia would I vex Your gentle bosom. See, I wear no steel! Bat,—well, your sheep is old ; do you not feel — That something younger, with more promise in it, E’en if not quite so large,—now, a minute | You ladies are so hasty. Just behold This little lambkin! e’s as good as gold, A sweet, sweet face, a of virgin snow, Do you not yearn towards him ? Simple Shepherdess. Humph !—well—no ! 1 must say “* yearn ” feel I at present. Shrewd Shepherd. You have a pretty wit, sweet Nymph, and pleasant : Like—well, if I may say as much—like me. | I can crack jokes, you know, when ** on the Spree.” New lamps for old you ’ve heard of as a cry ; | One moment! If I might But you will. Why not new lambs for old ? Simple Shepherdess ( hesitating.) Well, Shepherd—I— I—don’t quite like to part with my old pet! (regret. | Shrewd Shepherd. Come, come! the exchange is one you’il ne er Sentiment ? h! that’s never worth a button ; This lamb grow to a most handsome “‘ mutton,” Finer than that which you so closely clutch, And you will learn to love it quite as much. Simple Shepherdess. Well—if I must I must, but——-_—ss ik. Shrewd Shepherd, Sweet Simplicity. Fear not! Ta-ta, dear! Wish you all felicity! { Exit Shrewd Shepherd, with 3 per cent. lamb, leaving the two- and-three-quarters lambkin in exchange. —

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ROBBERY.” ake >> SSS NO a A = = — te oe | ml a % ~ =) — = = = x oe m = & ioe] Ss joo} & e -_ = = ONGER,—AND YOU WILL LEARN TO LOVE HIM!!” XCHANGE SF 2 A gt Ke fea at ee og lly ‘ ~ & 5 a a q mM ke . SaRrEewp sur Sepucrive Suepuerp. “ NAY, FAIR TO LOOK ON AT PRESENT?

Page 218

Page 219

Marcu 24, 1888.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

——_ vy | Too Lars ‘ For Gorpow. ie out le j= * Ah no }more of that, \Ma’am, an ithou lovest i me.”’ | Sumwpar | RecREATION. |i—Chess_ is x jundoubtedly

y 3: , |possibly be es ae ~ played with- ! out two | ALL THE APPLIANCES AND MEANS TO BOOT.” | Bishops. '

VOCES POPULI. AT A LEGAL LUNCHEON-BAR. At the Bar, members of both branches of the Legal Profession discovered func hing on high stools ; a behind Bar, bustling staff of barmatds, kitchen-maids, and small boys in white caps, super- intended by, Energetic Manager, of a cheerfully familiar disposition. Voices behind the Bar. Small roast beef cut an, Ropert!... When does that mutton mean to come?.. . plates, Jenny, look ain Oa fled. < Costs on higher scale. ot the practice ve aie j —told ’em so Jetios te peodinos ell thete sir books for last sixteen years, &c., &c. Shower just ceasing. Enter a Surly Man, wmbrella-less and drenched. vate him, pleasantly). The rain has aie it The Surly Man. Never saw it up—did you rly Man. coming ih ns. The Ener, ~ Manager (to 8. M). ‘Good morning, Sir, sunshine in with you! beep ag gash fren the 73. M) Sir? (P; with Se bread.) Stal hi es esentii two e is co (with te ofp of aman whe shadice all customer hil 5 ee $ fat 4 y Stout ! The E. M. Stout, of course it is! Foe abut have it Sir! (As if it ; ould search the universe to i 3 : i 2 F E ib The Country Client (with a sigh). wall ad think the Court would have been with us—but there, I su fean't be helped. (He has been saying this for the last ten minutes. The Young Barrwster (for the twentieth time). You—you can never tell beforehand what view the Bench is going to take. (As if he had fed carina)” Stes Creo Law fallow, beer. {Afr Pause— Prisx, his name is. The C. C. Very 2 the way be tek you up over the registra-

ee eae eas ome Bnew, ob plaintiff, didn risk. To be sure ou for the tiff, , r oO it was a walk over for us—you hadn’t a leg to stand on po * The C. C. 1 don’t know that. T was cbvenaly advieed to vely on * Huecer AND Prisk. Cuts Mucezr”—— both ways, that case. I put that to the j Mews ’ f 4G 4 oth a ees oie sth oatidied wir we’ve met before then your own witness—what was his name? Puppiesy, did for you; et mower 1 oo et ie on the re-examination—that I wan The Y. B. (who has been lis gave me to all this on the other side hf subject . his Client, and wy it time to in and cha the Are wy ag Y this ‘a GQ." teatily). Eh, what? Oh, muget you were there! The C. Going back ? Yes, yes, of course! What to do here, now f (Turns to Me. PaRisk in @ marked manner.) Sot I gas pind Se Reve withthe way Jou condusted’ your au how very much struck I was e way you conducted ou. I can recognise ability a napa prunes at when I do happen to come across i Prisk (nonchalantly). Delighted enti you say so—hard-fought any particalar our case, I may say so, now it’s all the Y. B.), case—er— the B., and thinks he t Scunz—A Rectaurert in the neighbourhood of the Courts of Justice. | g = vee can afford to be er: ort xh ef Attendant.) Here! i 7 Saas Sasha / ell, we & good case—on paper. suppose Mr.— er—Puisx, thank you! I suppose you don’t Ae yourself to class of practice ? Prisk. Bless yon, pe ae anything that comes in my way— pompouly Ah, jest Rees semember thet— Pak. a cen ress is in the Law List, I daresay ? a pes to alive there! .. . Were you the dumpling, Sir? Oh, the sausage Prisk. Ought to be—been and plain ; I beg our pardon! ... — prongs ! Get. me a cheese and butter, will [ This last ‘rom the M pleasing aynecdoche for forks.| The C. C. (to the Y. B.). You Solicitors’ Clerks before the . Can't let ou have that further | be off soon shatraot yet, but its being attended to .« ht to have had ad six ¥ aos matai (To Barmaid.) _— seem to be getting on—I must The ¥. B. (feeling forlorn and neglected), They hayen’t brought me my on} a? (pentane. Y ‘fo get on ston a this i life. metry oy & hs Wien te this The C. that’s the a gentleman to The E. M. Waiting for your chop, Sir? ou didn't mention it, Sir—work of time, a chop is, Sir. (Loud! re— , that qpee-chep Cae! {Fhoary ery 1s taken up yi az, nce, until the on Barmaid’s s beef and Yor ls thoroughly mead h eehop and as is 4 wishes he could sneak o, ond desert i, 2 The EB. M. to ot om ou've late.) Roast ight! there’s a good om ten, ph Tea pate Sy lagers go (Puthing his hand Sar y! turning her round, which she appears to resent ng ) The C. ay si Well, I can’t stay here all day. fal Soa, B. Pas | glad to have made on Ce same next time! By-by, ew (To Y. B.) Paisx side by side — C. your acquaintance—hope , leaving TrmmeRMaw and alate see P. Prisk {with a nod to T.). Thought I knew your face. Ram old , that Client of yours . (bitterly), P. easly, the line I He went bo 0 Cilant of asics ane mT don’t know—you didn’t do so Mr. Parex, ourselves , A and but Ht you'd thought you were going to take, I should have been at starting, pet a tee. (Consolingly.) Everyone muffs, it at RK, not very far in » chehing., Thank you—but it isn’t much P. (with eras; a by fe cing the smile with approval). Glad able . t, are to see the merry side of it, Sir! iti g all that over again / ae good Semper). eed #! bit—if 't like feeling into s case, though, had years of experience.) 1 did my best. (A little defiantly, in faint |it! Mistake to carry —you’ll hope forcing compliment . 4 seetiaight find that out when you Ty 4 jf he C. C. (with rather = ae. bay ¥. I’m not [He Le ae his and st rolls out, the Y. B. to cherish you, my boy—though (he has a i wild tho nphte of * ots chucking-wp” , and going in for is onar eines the CNews pont) 9, sono a) oy yom gave the ranching opening by re-examining as you did meta tes EZ. M. (returning brik ety owe at last, Sir! (in a tone of “The YB. Got hitoe tele Which? You passed up such a lot, |crery dep), sod « hot potato, Bir! saad weaned . B. e ou up such a e , a : you know | , . era as i ir th a force The C. C, I wish you had paid more attention to them—I know t ape day BS ede A ae avery found tins #3 lea int oasad <f isn aire ce Teolt| The YB (eth a sense thet ou a : this | more). Oh, ih wae tha ating il pr it! (Hie amction t's nr pe Datay Cetus git

Page 220

142 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. (Manon 24, 1886, |

AMONG THE LATEST PARISIAN SPECTACLES. RENTREE DE M. LE GENERAL BOUM DE BLEULANGER, Author of ‘' En Revenant de la Revue,” who will ~ his new Song, adapted from the English, enti “ Oh, what a surprise, Two Lovely Blue Eyes!”

MR. PUNCH’S VERY QUEER STORIES. BLACKWOOD'S TALE; OR, A MASTER OF BLACK ARTS. Cuarrer II, a 4 py vetar ay a he starting $ —e rtaaee smile, he at once gave me perm’ to “ stay liked.” I started by the twelve o'clock express; the same train contained GuLLyrorr, who received a missive similar to mine, and was d ing, without further hesitation, straightway for Patagonia. e parted at Paddington. Thence onward my journey y one,

“* Houp-la !”’ pronounced in a sweet but melancholy voice, To dash | ae intervening myrtle-bushes and find myself suddenly inside a Circus, in which a troupe were giving their tly to empty benches, was but the work of a notin that the ~~ seemed “The fact is, we should be “* Almost,” they replied. to empty were not for the cireumstance of our * they work never runniog nd we have Pn nights in this oasis,” ang ee, with « ee oe. iia as oh - For Ilei * Bat it s so no longer!” oienes y. For already made my resolve. would materialise these poor spectres, | and restore them living, breathing, animate 3 to eee | once more. And as I made up my mind, I felt my whole energy of being rush irresistibly into one channel, —= all as mighty strength of will sweep on supremely to one The effort was colossal, but so was the —y ‘Gradually a strange | change came over them. Their forms grew denser. The trousers of the Ring-master seemed to fillout. The Bounding Brothers

eir i ’ Within three hours I had paid my hotel bill, and booked our passage | by the mail route direct to Southampton. But I must not further delay the climax ae oe brought my = safely to Oxford, and of my ter. in my rooms. Their arrival created some ore oy in Ad College. This [ discounted. I saw the erg rn Gighinnd and I willed that he should break out suddenly into a Fling. This he instantly did in the centre of the Ade ge i i at once quite absorbed the ——— attention. Meantime GuLtr- ta just arrived that very from Pa Loy his lost ad toe my scout wus abou te tie Eeeeh, when we became conscious of the sence in our midst of a bi big balloon of bias fire, conteizing in its centre the evil- looking little money-lending Jew. GuLLytor? turned pale. Then he asked his relative what he wanted. | “What I want?” shrieked out the vindictive litte Jew, in rely | “Why, I have just looked in ‘to have a little more fun. you to meddle with the Black ee ee a adie in po | rooms! Ha! ha! ha! . And with a withering ose on the whole party, he pecen coe bound and vanished in a bigger halo of blue fire through the ceiling. His prediction was not in taking effect. One by one the troupe were seized successively by violent apoplectic fits. GuLLrTor? rushed first to one, then the , foaming at the mouth, his black hair streaming in all directions, and his eyeballs tgs out of his head. Just as the second Bounding Brother Vtgeewrder vty J staggered blindly towards him, and giving one last wild bay? and hands, fell a lifeless log across hi I su scout, ‘and desired him to send for e nearest cares undertaker, There was a Coroner’s In The reputation of the College suffered somewhat. But the Jury brought ia ¢ in a verdict of Accidental Death; though, as I had willed that the Principal and Vise- Chancellor should be more or less implicated in nated 0 a camging rider reflecting severely on the agh this From time to time ant orgies, within the

4 some years ago, on Fy <a College am still in residence. a Nmie with ita attend on the morrow of occasions I have invariabl gh eT inal aod the College books. Need I sa I have Principals T feney, inating ve not Fellows to take my name o always I am still stud yet taken my Master's degree. ively avoids me. thn gy Ady fone An = Sa ? Bye A ey ere; somata think they are and then eon asking my" how it will all end! NOK! how will. it? That's ‘the Who knows ?

Gewenit Bovianorn’s “ Props.’”—For T: lack horse. For Comedy—a music-hall song. of blue spectacles.

Page 221

E tieti re -tte| FJ — a g oS ee > & s#E 8 dag B Bas E seke 8 — SiFrEP SR 98855 Bea FSS _SEARRS S2TRSERSFS SSIES PR. ——_—— Marcu 24, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL iy r~> ( : My | . stad, oe! — es «tl il dal Hil! i. ! ayy i MW TR wrt PH A gs 53'S ih neers a Commons, Monday mM, ro" 12.—To-night comes| “ Abey one out 2b mcyy in loud aside, when his throat gut opponent ana find under bined snk ettns | pepshed ith sare” Fett ay be Tet the Admiral, pod sen up the bucket, ow signalled. into | hand ‘4 till Canute could dip his beaker in it. Then mt © ota lowered away and stowed it ae eae Gowse never Sived of wate — Rn ea dis tinguished i f i full fifty fathoms Anxious to and in- | speak from corner seat Benches. But that to Tumpat at all up to the mark. | Rosertson, the blind Member for Brighton. Absent just now, but pace, aiden Once "tt lot thar | nur, nd Memb So Freip cruised the Bar till handled. |Ropertsow hove in sight; ran to him; y ay Lt Admiral Marwe told off to ex-Junior Lord supplied with adroitly anchored him on front Crone, bee y Paty carried out in sailor. fashion. Hove alongside with | clear. Ropertsow seemed to think Td, pone of water and sat down on Bench at orator’s feet. | tomed to be led to seat by fri poy BE

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIL i [Marcu 24, 1888, Frm bad anchorage before Crose-Bench all to himself. Covered Front Bench for ~ , s+ fy, -O}-7= Bench and enjoyed himsel: oo Can’t be said, as far pote bey Bat Members might! at least leave the House,—and they Business done.—None. Tuesday.—No limits to energy or versatility of Grawpotrn. Means to bring down e« Government that sumes to continue its existence i them by land. Yesterday attacked them by sea. To- day fires a mine in far-off Ind. Old Morality, reviewing position at ques- tion time, thought Government were ing to have a quiet day. Stace = Motion down, Salleoging frontier policy in India. He would make his speech, Gonst would reply, and then, a all a Sa would be ant at. In the pleasing quite forgot GraNDOLPa. Bat that invincible and insatiable warrior not ete tow Meedt - = trifle in his wallet. imse 7 ‘i a little shaky in some of his figures, 714s! Robertson's Convoy. § and not quite certain in his geography. Bat what was clear at end of his speech was that a miserable Government that had no Army worth speaking of, and no Navy that the Swirs could not swallow at a mouthfal, were making terrible mess of it in India. Old Morality, who had left the House after questions, cautiously returned and sat in abject misery on Treasury whilst GaaspoLrn further demolished Ministry. After this hope of a Count Oat and a peace- ful sitting vanished. All the authorities on India came to the front, and hour after hour passed. Ucurexp Kay-Saurrieworts, the mildest mannered man that ever cut into de- bate, gave Rawpotrn a neat hit. i Joszra GILLis now asserted himself. Took seat above Gangway, so as to be nearer the Srzaxenr, and with of 5 | Bench. A dark and troubled outlook. | Bill carried by majority of 100. Bill. Too many Conservatives,‘including Soricrror-Gzwezrit, other way. Braptaven master of the situation. Terrible’ viction that he might, an he pleased, ‘have Old Morality down-stairs, or even the ATTORNEY-GENERAL. Granpotrn invincible on the sea, irre- sistible on land, and master of India, quite broken down by Braptaven. The ques- tion before House to-day was the very one that gave birth to the Fourth Party. Granpotrm, sitting in corner seat above the Gangway, recalled and contrasted the old times, when, firmly but gracefully standing in his chariot Obstruction, he drove his irrepressible party, three abreast, riding down everything, even GLapstonE’s overwhelming majority. Now, Gorst wes on the Treasury Bench, Batyour in the Cabinet, Wourrte on the road to Teheran, BraDLaven carrying everything before him, and Greanpotrn stranded on a back Business done. — Baaptaven’s Oaths Thursday.—FieLp positively on i with more acres of speech ! On Th ay this Ancient Mariner button-holed House for upwards of an hour; interrupted by stroke of midnight. Now, having, as he genially admits, refreshed his me , pro- poses to go on for another hour. Moored = — = Me ue anchorage before ross- Benches, having during question time P beguiled Trspat Roperrson into the ‘offiag —s pee by false signals, towed him into the library gis vation. ! and stranded him there. ** Don’t often get a chance of making a speech,” ** Now L’ve got it, mean to make most of opportunity.” Members cleared out with one accord, leaving Admiral in solitary possession of the deck. This bad enough in its way, but worse to follow. The reverberating Cotoms, who last week desolated House, encouraged by Fieip's success, positively came to front again. Lugged in seven baskets filled with fragments from the feast he had ad last week. These now scruj sly served out. Unhappy ouse in ultimate stage of inanition. Almost at last gasp when, somehow, there being literally no one present to object, tumbled into Committee. Voted trifle over illions alae in trifle over three minutes’ time. Business done.—In Committee of Supply. Friday Night.—Osmay Diewa Morcaw ran Maxaziorr to earth to-night in matter of brief accepted for Ismart Pasa. Osmaw has had his eye upon Marzrorr for sometime. Painful to well-regu- lated mind to hear of such enormous fee as bes mg te a reflec- tion on the stay-at-home Bar. Marnriorr made few j in reply ; FERGUSSON was very serious ; and ATToRNEY-GENERAL mw tot | indignant. But, on whole, affair rather dragged, and everyone when Division came. As Piowxer says, “ Judge-Adyocate-General on Judge-Advocate-General is false eee, Business done.—Manniortr whitewashed by 218 Votes against 126. NURSERY RHYMES. (For various Sufferers.) THERE was an old woman, Victuals and drink P And what do you think, Were the chief of her diet, She lived upon nothing And so she had gout— _ But victaals and drink, When she had to be quiet, Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, Baker's | Jack and Jill ; rather ill, man, [ean ; | Felt Pat it and bake it as fast as you| Until they drank hot water. It did Jack good Bake it and serve it to someone, | not me, Before his food, For I’m not allowed to take any But Jill took tumblers after. pastree. Merry ANDREW. MOTTO FOR THE MODERN PRIZE RACE. Hz who won't fight, but “ sprints” awa May live to “ ba ” another day. ~ Scavrotovs Ixpamp.— The Liberals of the Gower Division of “Oaths Bill.” They vannot even be foduend to take their (Sir Horace) Daver!” CP NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, “eo im no case be returned, not even whe Stam: ad Add ols es cain m accompanied by a ped ead Addressed Enve or Pictures of any description, will , Cover, or Wrapper. To this rele

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a - B& s &SHSSERBS BEQS FES >

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON OHARIVARL —Manon 24 1608 A R pe eh ae 6 men! what ate ye ond owt 8 p> pede 9 work { aoe chet a Satan Sa nt (eiehbea Beas a re tat él css ey

a LS ST ~ (CARLTON): cient. suap"|°™ "momen oat 4. WHISKEY. | "2 Mini Se ee Seta wean ALWAYS, ate ALL MAN'S “= ee EX HA . “ HECORATE pasabtonn, a Pen en L NES F NEGORATE Tg ow | ‘Sergtvemios Se ee D ‘ERCAR| > Hons! POR Dd >THMA 3 ; creat fall Revgt, tea VATURA TATULA a ie nie hate feel savont A > | yer DE TION. a pee eS es aimee ms sab - & Ss guna 5 STILLERIES SOMPA eased eom Pro HAS pega _ wes soar= 2A. L inenhall . sabdia * Lz, sta OLS. OLARKE’S NEW PATENT POLISH aul RAMID’ LAMPS SAS DLOURED LASS. th ARK E'S YRAMID IGHT aia tes ee ee aah ican | OY, at eve cate oye a ing OP

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Maarce 24, 1888.

SAMUEL SCHOOL OUTFITS. SAMUEL BROTHERS respectfully imvite an inspection of their Show-Roomes by Parente and Geardians who are éesirous of Outfitting their javenile charges for any of the public or private colleges, schools, @c. The requirerasnts of Youths and Boys have for very many yeers Fecatved the closest attention of Messra Sancet Baorwens,

with the result that this important Department of their business bes ettained ¥: — dimensions, eo that AbKI( hega withstand the herd wear given by school end every cay dresa “~ Wear. Resistin. and other materi will be free together wi owths and usefe. guide to F =. ond is « Genlemen. adie every {4.7 i-— ally cs to the Lilustrated Price | ist containing about #0 Engrevings This book furnishes details of the Firm's Nine want heir

65 & 67, LUDGATE HILL LONDON, E.C.

“ite BRO TH E R§, SPRING OUTFITS FOR GENTLE BESPOKE DEPARTMENT.

A large Stock of BPRING Overcoats. Suits, Trowsn, the Firn.’s own dna ae have been prepared to wappr

FOR IMMEDIATE WEAR.

a etn Bespoke Department. The made from Cloths specially selected from the latter and in quality, workmanship, finish, &. , are ip every way to those made to order. PATTERNS AND ILLUSTRATED CATA For SHIRTS, HATS, HOSIERY, BOOTS, ov who desire to be premptiy

POST FREE. sce ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUR %

“ Covar ” Serv. “Jace Tan” Sore. “Erom” Sort. , CARR’S TAPES. A a : 5 sue] MAPPIN & WEBB'S\ | 5 2 ~ ry eae COMFORTABLE TEE SWIFT'S SPECIFIC TABLE KNIVES re) month wash .— yt ane prone tub ad Zz a re Stance, and cleanses the bieod by out the impurities through the pores of theskin. Mundreds t/ ASK fon CARR'S stamrco I ¢ =. fe 6.5.8. lem ready to answer all questions.” fi 4 DE 1.tes Creare is cay soft Too -br .. 8.6.8.—Swift's Specific, sold by al! Chemists and yeord # Stamped with the nome > and his ORANGE 2 Patent Medicine Dealers. rice —Liquid, 4s, 64. per a anes. ag eae api bottle; Dry, ds 64. per kege, posted on osoers wihed which ave is te genuine bkim Diseases. Posted free. Yeilow Thread, Od.; Red Thread, & 2 THE SWIFT SPECIFIC COMPANY WILL PREVENT Fy Tooth- Paste, 4064. ues Tooth-brusbes, bt 8 amowannuxomee | JEWEL ROBBERIES) CARR’S TAEES. itn i lt ZA a Pace Liers sent rare, “ Wileoz 4 Co., 230, Oxford Street, Lada! : Bee -HANSOMS,| is, queex victonta sraeet, vc; Soringn 7 ths host sagen ame toe 68, ST. JAMES’S STREET, Pall Mall, London. Either eel «ht, room 4 ebegan Bole Pullders and Patentees, JNO. MARSTON & s 7 ft. reet, Birm m £2 meatmateect sewngien, Downe ot | BALL POINTED PENS. TRADE ; As used ty B.2.H. the Prince of Wales. ‘ xine a DRINKWATER’S : SPORTSMAN’S ASTHMA.COUGH. BRONGH These Pe scratoh nor spurt, over aled per yy, tr ves immediate LINIMENT the ageal oa They hold ~~ vo J last ree y . yhyin ie foretis is a valusbie old Sporteman’s longer. fi INFANT BREATH. mY ho at sight 3 remedy for : Som eee for age id, A ee Taaps Mana. or t) coughing, paeen. nnd. short short breath, tac Sunaen bee rth or with Ebony Ant iotting Penbetier, for la. Also well otnenes A eee promote seep, # and dor the pont NEURALGIA, an . y harmiess outanael ORMISTON $ GLASS, Edinbureh. eas tanta atest PytindiegChfidren nnd) mont decane In Bottles, ls. ipd. and 24. $4. Lesion of Menor \a78. m, Revel Portuguese K night- from Swiss cows, concentrated in vacuo at a low | and all Chemists. ” Ov 41t Ousmiere Gold M and other distinctions pam ne or a 8 — gf Cavtiow.—To puns ef USED It THE ROYAL NURSERIES. JOHN ‘BRINSMEAD \D & SONS f 1ANOS aeete little sugar and some =< flour, the wheat | « Wilcos tp Co ta Oaford Street, Losi. 16,20, and 22, WiGMOME STHUST, LONDON, W. Tan nent anaes ee sit an iu d ‘tee retest obtained fe this ae MADE WITH BOILING wars THE Indigestion, Constipation. | in'sin irom canting im large immpe, teadoring Ee P P S ’S DAH L’ NO DRUGS. = _—~ a a — putri- NATURAL REMEDY. @ value, as digestible ag mo “s milk. CRATEFUL—COMFORTING DYSPEPSIA GUEST’S FOOD (we cakes. Coco Or att Cusuwrs. Sample Kor, 2s. 64., Post Pree ENAM ELS. MADE WITH BOILING MIE FOR DAML'S AGENCY, 41, EASTCHEAP, LONDON. All Colours mme » tic 4 OOPIN iv —R0c ~ bees Sains ad sana iatiion pe Nang Hm ASPINALL’S : H OPING COUGH —ROC minutes. In ls, 2s, and 4s. Tins. told by Iron- INIMITABLE a. urine ibe User LOCHE’s mongers, Oilmen and Chemists everywhere. Shade like Persie, 5 ae dee cue Without So medicine. Sole | List and all particulars from London Waréhvuse, Por a may ¥ bosesale agents, w. Lay —3 = 73, ST. JOHN STREBT. F.C kverything. told every re” in, Pa In Ting, 1s., 26,50. and 10s. each. ncaa cores Pe rais Stone OLDEN BRONZE HAIR ae a = G° The) wore muence “ C ay] — once” at be FOR THE BLOOD 18 tel oe bw ww inNT! 43,02 Ostend ot, al, tee S Sheng Surit’s s Svea — or = ls warranted tocleanse jae BEDFORD mctuitines each. and — PORTABLE RAILWAY|| Sasisszs oes tor Bor wo ~ the Coun! of agnew & Co., Lombard bis ot He, to, Wiect Strect, te the Parish af Ob briae, City of London —-bareape®, March 2a lh

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An Illustrated | Containing all the Illustrations which have been made for the Work, | Marval o MRS. GAUDLE’s CURTAIN LECTURES | Cheapness. | since tts first publication—including those from “Puncu.” One Shilling. a Se

atl \ i" hoe i | cy i | eeu Th y I = fn R “SONS3d S334UHL FOINd > - x w > a ie) a Ps () J ie) ») rs NINETY-FOURTH. —~— MARCH 31, deme Ni a Te} I) ill mn yp 4 wag (UPR Se .\ | bh gah Si ‘N p CAO UES a ye py Vy Ae Ae \ ee 4 4 Pp. St) * | wi N i ii) ’ a vy) yn POY A $-

PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS [VE VOLUME of ** PUNCH” /r 1885-6, in the Library Serves, is published this day, Price 21s., strongly half bound, gilt edges. Complete Sets in this binding, 1841 to 1886, in 23 double yearly volumes, Price £23 18s. Registered at the General Post Office as a Newspaper.)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Manon 31, 1888. BRITANNICA. NOW READY, Vol. XXIIZ. (T—Ups) oF THE ENCYCLOPADIA BRITANNICA. A DETAILED PROSPECTUS of the Work, with Specimen Pages, will be forwarded on application to the Publishers. Edinburgh: ADAM &4 CHARLES BLACK NOTICR.—ARUNDEL & The “OLD ENGLISH HOME” described in THE ENGLISH ILLUSTRATED MACAZINE For APRIL. Profusely [lbustrated, price 64. ; by post, 64. The Namber contains :— Portrait of Arioste. piece After Tetran. (Prontis- Mediation of Ralph Hardelot xxIvV —KXVI (comtinued). By Professor Minto Sennett. Lethe. By Moriey Roberts — a S Ry W. HK. Wright. ates page got Coaching Ways. —“ The “ Pert i By W. Outram wm Ilustrations Old Baglish Homes. il. Arundel Ky Bligadets Baich L . 4. 6. Come Dove Tri “ram, Glimpses of Caatle a 7. s =—__——__—_- MAOMILLAN 4 ©O., LONDON. Loxeu ams. MAGAZINE, ‘al Price Auther « ae a ry Herring.” ay —— at the Deughter. By Walter ar Lest and Wen. By Span Ingciow. Coid Winds By. Harries. Mra. Parr. Something about Busken, By © T. Backland, F Uncie Pieres. By Ches Biatherwick (Continued ) At the Gigs of the Ship. By Andrew Lang. Leedos: DONGMANS, GREEN, & CO. Now ready (Six pence). New Series, No 68, THE OORNHILL MAGAZINE for aPRil, eontaining among other ‘Ltn tn the Dass (Com- of interest, “ Mr, Continent —~ Spring and Summer Birds ”—' How we Married the Major” — Bradshaw” —" A Lifes ” wy the Author of “ Demos,” “ Thyrza,” &c., Chaps. VII. and VILL, ac., &e Leadon: Burra, Ecpea, & Co., 146, Waterloo Place. THE MATRIMONIAL HERALO AND FASHIONABLE MARRIAGE is the original and only recognised medium for High-Ciass CHOCOLAT MENIER. FOR BREAKFAST. AWARDED 82 PRIZE MEDALS. ANNUAL CONSUMPTION BXCEEDS 25,000,000 lbs. SOLD RETAIL EVERYWHERE. SWEET SCENTS LIGN-ALOE. OPOPONAX FRANGIPANNI. PSIDIUM | | \ May be obtained C. BRANDAUER & C0.’S @IRCULAR POINTED 3a PENS nor row. tyre Seven Prise : Bor, 44., — stamps from c. Brandauee @) Ges Pen Works, Legion of es wal 2 ge JOHN bamagpuee eer PIANOS ,» LONDON, w. ntroductions, The ia t end most World. Price #4.; in Editor, ©, Lambe TO STOUT PEOPLE. Scrpay Times says :—* Mr. Russell's aim is to Condwt or anD = Sit « Sane — sobastion in et we week o iit post § stamps Y. C. RUSSELL, Woburn House, Brore Street, Redford Square, Londea, W.C, é ‘OUR NEIGHBOURS.” PARTRIDGE & COOPER, 192, FLEET STREET wat the Worid - oa Severn re = ASPINALL'S EN USEFUL. Bae ti So Wot Eenotne Asrumats's Knaust W onas, London MAPPIN & WEBB’S DRESSING BAGS, TEE WONDERFUL DISCOVERY IM NEEDLES, MILWARD®S’ Saurne Pacust Quatie axD Post Pass. CALYX-EYED NEEDLES. THREAD WITHOUT THREADING. Hewat Miiwann & Sons, Washford Mills, Redditch. WITH BOILING WATER. EPPS’ S| CRATEFUL—GOMFORTING, SWIFT’S SPECIFIC a has Ve jetabie Preparation, containing no "potash, Ar enic, ys any igonous sub- Wy and -~-F the bi by impurities eo the ee of the skin. thousand Diseases, ) a and Mercurial Feicuing have been re- Meved by Swift's Specific. Mrs. oy Sewmite , Russell Street, Hyde Read, West G n, Manchester, w writes :— “I suffered ry many years with Cancer on my tongue, which came near putting me in the grave. I took bwift’s Specific,and am now well—can walk and talk as well as any one. I owe everything to 8.5.6. Iam ready to answer ali questions.” 6.8.5.—Swilt's Specific, sold by al! Chemists and Patent Medicine Dealers. Price—liquid, és, 64 bottle; Dry, as éd. ober fackace, posted on receipt of above price. Treatise on Blood and Skin Diseases posted free. THE SWIFT SPECIFIC COMPANY, %, SNOW HILL, LONDON, EC i OXFORD.—MITRE HOTEL ONE OF THE HST ZCONOMICA, VInst-gL4s6 MOTELS IN THD Tint TRELOAR’S | SHETLAND CARPETS 9% Cin. by 7%. 6s, . 10%. 0 ° 12 ft. 0 138.0 12%. 0 yi — 15%. Ois. by 13%. Oin . SEAMLESS, BORDERED, ALL ORIENTAL PATIERNS. TRELOAR & SONS, 68, 69, and 70, Ludgate Hi. ie. by 9 ft. 0 in. by 98.0 is. by 9 ft. 0 is. by 12 f. 0 is. QUARE, LONDON, ENG. —o—— FINEST SITUATION. EVERY LUXURY dx COMFORT. MOST RECHERCHE CUISINE, - VERY MODERATE TARIFF. TOBACCONISTS COMMENCINE a rman hm rie Sia iain LEA & PERRINS' SAUCE. Lua s PERBING BA 0¢ von Sas GSeante oben eae ope fd WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE Lee a... |, Retail by Dealers in the World. DINNEFORD'S MACNESIA For ACIDITY or ras STOMACH, HEARTSUL, HEADACHE, GOUT, and INDIGESTION. 180, BOND STREET, and al) Chemists SAVAR'S CUBR “Seiruittc CIGARETTES. arenes sonia wot | Capsules, 4. 6d. per Bot | Cigarette | Seen goad nights = | HOPING, COUGH —ROCHES Get a bottle to-day of PERRY nd Pals KILL ER, the Oldest y-knows Family Medicine in the Wood. i - "hare and Cures R ‘and Kheumatic Pains can sole oan PT 1/1} and 2/9 per dott. ROWLANDS ODONTO Where tho Saath. ahs te and arrests decay. 2s. $4. Uf Chemists and Perfumers. buy so Odes except Ruwland’s—the only genuine.

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[ia] + Hs ed sPrm@m "= oe = ~~ Zz ac B Roccce

pl SI : Manon 31, 1888.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 145

VOCES POPULI. SHOW SUNDAY. Scuns— The Studio of that versatile and ambitious young Painter, DavBENEY STIPPELL; usual accessories; three completed pic- tures on effectively draped easels. a discovered receiving Sunday visitors, and trying to conceal his utter unconsciousness of ever having seen any of them before in his whole life. Model (at the door), Mrs. Joprzn ... Mr. Borrzr... pad | and Mrs. Cnorrer . Beck | of | wae look in—I y am ted | irs. Pinchbeck. I found I could fast manage to sqnesse you Sim maty Sam ene nat iltily | lake Stip sik 2 sual boy, woke mn iat consebed «SSDS? Will ou me show you wha ? This is my i r y ne I think you’ll get a better light if you stand a| General! e [do ake te eppen proceeding to rub noses with the prin-|s cipal figures on poy Femme Mrs. P. (retiring). Ah, that is | is better—much better. (Perceives that the subject is , and decides that she must be careful not to commit herself.) Yes! (Draws in her breath reverently.) 1) the— couldn’t have believed it was possible to realise such a situation as/ is ee ee ee ae Stip. (ugh gratified.) You do think it tells its own story then? Mrs. a P. (te own). Oh, yes—indeed I do! You can’t help seeing i [ Propitiates her conscience by the reflection that she means the picture, which, being 10 ft, by 8, is indeed distinctly visible. A crowd gradually collects around the principal canvas in awed silence, each person ly waiting to discover what it is intended to represent before risking a remark. Mrs. P. (rendered bolder by success.) I don’t think I ever quite felt before how splendid Ancient Rome must have been ! Stip. Ah—exactly, yes—but—(considerately) Sicily was not a Sy - at the time age came to Syracuse. Mrs. P. (plunging more wildly, aided by desperate recollections Why, when it’s hung it wil kak ema near it! (aside to Fair i At all events, it’s done S.5.,.28.. hanging yet / Beng Bd RA down ; and, if it’s cut down, it’ll be cut up! regular mad Irish bull of a Picture that! Neighbour (who hasn't an idea what he means). Oh, Mr. Uspuntowm don’t—you 're too Mrs. Mar. (bri he Oh! but I mustn’t forget— bdr a4 -; ae ty 1 m I want to in hisper to 8.), the Du . you know (6 bows, ps if this ntioae ape i dehe ond mentee) rs, eR Gre. ine pH. Browy1na, you know—‘* Batavsrion reciting the Alkestis of Evni- PIDES to the Syracusans on the steps of the T ot Honkles aren oe chorus ane recognition. Mrs. enthusrastically). dear WHING—so like him! I do relations Tavs you over heard” Octlor Jeo” ae & Ts. MARGREEN, in a cautious whisper). Might 'T I - .. didn’t quite catch—what is the subject supposed Mrs. i ime Aas @ geet % but a rio non, Oh, don’t ou know 8 (desper py So cane’ lost Come cdr the stepe the Tene, ot All kissed- us,’’’ 2» hema eclgreeay Col. C. | py aa be sure; astonishing how one forgets these > 5 Rosebery Rasch (to her daughter), What is it all about, RIDA Bias R, I’m not quite sure, mother ; but I think it’s Evxrripes with his with his lyre, accusing somebody of exciting the Heraclese by « a lost ae vied that one his, Oh! ** The Lost Chord!” Ah, yes, I see. See -. to StrrrEit). Do you know, m dear Sir orc sa ps vey remarkable picture—it—ah—reminds me > ote ge him blandly). Indeed? Then my work has not been ali at wasted. - Jo (after antag tang ot Caaminen, 008. in a deep solemn voice). nae! me to _ Bo gare, our own read). Stip. (gas; t recovering presence of mi 5 Aa I can come across them. Mrs. Yop. (profoundly). Quite right. It is the only way to [i ceiveai, Se deeply mystified. Sip (lo Mrs. Max), Oh, are you g at that’s in a quieter st Mar , YOu see, a sick “8, at Do you know—t hen, of coume, the other picture, rippians: a one of the Hina eer say I think this more ering, 0 —~ sa how sick that monkey looks! and the ch So dled yom tik it; just an idea of mine (dispar ly) ou like i an gly), cae Pe Oe ree Si Tin te ealh th-vmant hove 0 gol came for it. Can you suggest a title for me? Und. (ae Boe, Ahem, give a bad picture a good name, and ay Ai mp te 8., _— Oh! wo f Call it—well (with a brilliant inapiration), Sow weet “ The Monkey” do? Stip. Oe disable! but—jast« trifle to publ, eh? Und. Why a Pair as te Old Mast ui Und. Se wine OM Maer beyond sounding ; better label each, t ” 4 awe Well, I must tear yj away, Mr. Srivrett, | ont tell pes how you ve ym por - , a ave you any coffee Mra: Mar. Ths Thanks—net on waiod Bishine good-bye. bye, scod-bye a I’m , aly —- ct nee ene unkind Bishope would only couse and VE fen Y seeking Und. about a picture in my can’t Now, where shall we go next?” It will be quite oe eal

Mrs. Mar. 1 mustn’t look. I positively must not / I’m blinded, | again!

| lit VOL. XCIV, 0

4, ai ncaa

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[Maron 31, 1889, ee PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL MR. PUNCH’S PARALLELS. No. 5. WA, NY A a a l; ™ =: ete ' wri ih Za ge TF iN (eer os Fae oe “JOSEPH’S SWEETHEART.” (A Fieldingesque Fragment of a Tale of Love and Loyalty. SHOWING HOW OUR HERO REJECTS WITH SCORN THE PROFERRED TITLE AT THE HANDS O¥ Lapy Tory DriPLoMAcy, AND CLINGS TO THE OBJECT OF HIS First Love, Dear Democracy. - : ° ° ° ° Add to this the most perfect neatness in his dress, an orchid in his JosErH was now in what is called the “‘ prime of life”; he was of | buttonhole, and an air, which, to those who have not seen many the highest degree of middle stature; his hair was smartly and | noblemen, might give an idea of nobility. I make this ualificativn smoothly disposed ; his forehead was fairly high, if somewhat narrow, | the more emphatically forasmuch as that to JosePu himself—i, his eyes were bold and keen, as full of p be. ted as of self- | indeed, his own earlier utterances might be trusted—comparism tion ; his nose a little inclined to what, in , is| with “ the Nobility” would seem the reverse of ye ay called the Soub, but it is, perhaps, better descri | Such was the person who now ap} before the . “Come, term ‘‘ Celestial” ; his lips were firmly chiselled and closely set ; | Joxy,” says she, ‘‘ tell me traly, w 0 is the happy girl his face was perfectly smooth on the chin and upper lip; his | have made a conquest of you?” cocksureness| ‘‘ Her name,” answered Josepn, “‘is Democracy. countenance had a cold composure joined with a inexpressible, a Prrr-like combination of power and perkiness. | her long, and to her I will be faithful.” Adapted to the Situation. )

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1888, & 2) S54 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. | | biel} Sympathetic Old Lady, ‘‘Ou DEAR, DEAR! mean the Trombone in this Street Band.)—‘‘ ALL THROUGH THE PIECE, DEAR, HE'S BEEN TRYING TO FiX IT RIGHT, AND HE CAN'T DO It, POOR Fettow! !” BRASS.” I po so FeEL, MABEL, FOR THAT POOR MAN WITH THE LONG Trumert.”—(She must “ Pugh!” cried the Lady ; ‘‘alow-born wench, who is anybody's money—whom the —— tag-rag —y bob-tail of mediocrities. ee ¢ pedants and prosperous trad igmasters and teers, flatulent agitators, and frothy ny journalists may court oy equal chance of success. You might look higher.” “I think not,” said 1 pee quietly. ‘‘ Not as J see it.” “ Yes, Jony, yes; ou might,” persisted the Lady. ‘‘ Tell me, JoRY, in your Dey tra in my saolen, te is it possible that ideas “ Don’t pretend te too much modesty,” said the Lady, “‘ for that sometimes may g he Sepinent; Sot bat pray answer me t is question : Suppose a lady s mepoen to Mie yon, and edeatt you to the came intimacy as you might have hoped for m born in her|A sphere, are you certain that nothing a — you to a politic transfer of your affections? Answer me EPH ; have you no more sense than to make a scruple of a any little repu- in another’s service, in view have not struck you, emotions moved you, aspirations stirred you ?”’ “ Many, M responded JosEPH m Have you no ambition, ~ ?” asked the Lady, archly. Mue JosEPH. “Lal” cried the 7 Ooh some asperity ; “you answer like a — “ae than the ingenious and spirited young fellow | ing. you for | “You — , done me too much honour, Madam,” said the young man, simply. V’ART! C’ESI MOI! Kine Coquetin THE Frrsr tells us “all about it” in Harper's Magazine ; that is, he tells us as much as His Majesty knows, taking it pretty well for granted that no English or American actor or author has any such acquaintance with the histrionio Art - is possessed by French actors and playwrights in general, and himself, King CoqugLmy, in icular. Clever as he he undoubted is is as an all- round Actor,—he has been getting a trifle more all-round lately,— original and amusing as he is in all his assumptions, yet there is one in which he is unapproachable, and that is the assumption that nobody knows anything about Dramatic Art out of France. King Coquetiy as Dr. Know-ali is admirable and most entertain- ‘*Take care,” says he, instructing, as we may su Master Henny Invine and a few a ay thfal amateurs, “ Take care to concentrate your whole being in ore. ” “As Don Tootepo would observe, ‘‘ Keep your eye on ~y | a eaaienee. and your audi- ence will pull you through.” Monarque CoqvELin continues, ‘It is there” (1.¢., in the A. . a thet the public looks for you.” What do the public look i in President CoqugLm’s eye? A pupil? So they would naturally expect. Instead of a pupi under the lash, they find a master. A master . A ? Of his Art. Good. Then M. Coavertn’s Art is “all his ” and it is all Ego —which is much the same thing. Bon Soir, CockYLinao ! of . it iliti 2 fidence Can you keep a oar by oe anerun To a Ready Writer. “Could I not, Madam, I were ill-fitted for your Ladyship’s service, | « Rebel orators are really responsible for disorder in Ireland.” —John Bright. even tem ily,” answered “ I shall have that character of — : ae Se leg As coming trom the Oracle of “\ One Ash,” « . : not this large assumption rr men aes Poa er ara Seas Yon] ai omy Jon ene ep, els therein?” The softly, but with ¢ sign: Ageiost , an orator” because a * Indeed, oA Poe i I should be to +" anything Think what a huge “ glass hoxee,” ous, is your own, t dublge your Tadyahip, whom I highly re and in whose And ask, * Is mine the hand to cast that stone?” service I have time. transfer my aff 4 4 ¥ ? ie your sdyship]) | M “’ Has lot us drew o Veil! "as the Huntsman observed, when he heart is trae to my cu caly love!” 1 ae tna And they drew a Vale accordingly.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Maron 31, 1888, THE DOOM OF “SHE.” FRAGMENTS OF A Romance oF PouiTicaL ADVENTURE, ( With apologies to Mr. Rider Haggard.) [The old Toryism—the high-and-dry Toryism of —- and Prejudice, of Territorial Autocracy, and anti-popular exclusiveness is dead, sw ito the limbo of vanished things and lost causes by that irresistible Democratic impu nan whose dominant power this Conservative Government's truly Radical “‘ Local Government Bill”’ is the crowning proof. — See Daily Papers, pore.) ~ . d”’ seemed to be gathering up her strength for the fiery trial ons last, from far far away, came murmur of sound, the blurred and confused sound as of a distant multitude triumphantly shouting, that grew and it were fos crusted, tawny Tory Port of Comet S"heard it She” Cre off hers Tree ae raping “the ree ge And 0 dveal end erful sight it was. she heard it “ She” threw off her old True-Blue —that vesture of | J paseipesd Tees * dregs os which she had for so many as conservatively careful e a generations been fashionable lady of her beauty, as haughtily y pou as a parvenu monarch of the Imperial Purple—she threw it off, I say, with a boldness of abandon that was absolutel ay a eS ae Revolutionary at toe of Liberty”’ might have stood before Ros and the rampant ra devotees of Red Terror, clad in nothing but native | ‘oon which, at this advanced stage of her amazing existence, _, differed considerably. But to Lxo, the British Lzo, she she still looked sweet—even divine. ps and — came the Te of fire, revolving, ina en a oy ep is not unnatural with S. wolving whesle—of Revel I cre :— one ivory arm (I use this By kN t af eva indeed, of the exact tint of an ancient knife~handle or antique Chinese chessman }} The flaming pillar slowly twisted and thundered off, around Lzo’s neck. leaving ‘* She-who-was-wont-to-be-obeyed ” standing * Oh, my Lxo, | British Lzo,” she murmured, “‘ keep your beloved pecker wares bed tee. up. You're all right.” y, what is owing | is it?” she said, confusedly. Perhaps,” muttered. Lzo, rather sullenly, as I thought. “ But how about | “I feat “dazed. Surely ¢ hath not played me 4 on ’ I doubt me of that raging flame. How do I know that it will not Sttesty Gutoey you, or, at ast, Ur tailedliy thenes you thet 1 chan’t know yon again! derisive | I " Radwally ?” murmured ” with slowly lips of low music. “ Why, my —_ tithing, a~ know Eo hy hh Conservation is of | or hun—well, older than Venus, _ ite ‘ very essence.’ mes eight bu or more stricken i . ng ad Humph | ‘) ancient azure quegeiing ** She-who-was-wont- “It is hardly seest me stand in “ Well—per— x wrapped with tape-cinctured, like unto that inimitab le artist’s graphic incarnation—say, of co lation. I saw the fire ran wu TuEke came a few nieeees pause during which a - wont-to-be- | it wi came over her visage. The smile v that | there came a dry hard look ; the grow pinched, as though some its impress u lost their light. and ancient erectness. trick. Tell me, Lzo, my British wro by _ 2 eh Se And then he f > —— | “ And that will I also,” I cried. | “* What, my Soriy!” she laughed aloud ; “ methought ‘that thou wouldst naught of length of days. me by | | parsing fir fires, and radical change and revolution. Why, ow is th ** Nay, 1 hae not,” I answered, ‘‘ but there is that lis my heart that calleth to me to taste of the flame and lve. | ** That ’s right, ar my boy,” murmured the faithful Jox in mine ear. ttle Radical Tejuvenescence wil! | do you a world of ik and give you length of days and a rare run for your money.’ “It is well,” “She” said. ‘Thou art not al * in folly, ‘Sorzy. See now, 1 will, not for the first | time, bathe me in this living ain would | add to my beauty and ry leat of days, ‘ft it be ible. as ayo inten med urt me, as cynics say of the Homo. ’s infinitesimals a came the crashing, rolling noise, and the sound thereof was as the sound of an ancient forest bei sty | flat hing f wind. L., then tossed up by it | much grass, and thundered down a mountain-side. “Por that some might see }a moment it came into my |in the ancient forest, Privilege; in the mighty wind, | Popular Franchise; in the mountain-side, the easily- descended Avernus of Old Toryism and the ancient Squirearchy. But I put this as fanciful and un- practical. Nearer and nearer it came, the revolving — of flame, shaped scroll-wise it seemed, like unto mee caricaturist’s symbolical representation of a amentary Bill, and in the heart of it to rn shifting characters of a runic sort, which now oa to mean one thing, and now another, according to the observer's particular point of view. The letters D. E. M. O. to ; what the others were hoping that they tnt not be © ORG A Pe —— however, ’twas all fancy, so suddenly dazzling was the flame, so" swift were its shiftings, so rapid its circumgyrations. Mi pty a greet 1 I ’ i “She” cooked oddly like one of Tewnret’s droll Bill- pebes Sate scarlet—a sketch human it scro | aaigaalinaninaecagang lossal Conservative measure, So did ** She” = pipny ~+ ; the fi t anxi wese leaving mher. The g eg ay = ey ate to t, and, as I thought, the form its o d shape Lxo, is there aught with my eyes? I see not clear.” And her face~ eaven !|—her was ho coon eyes! —- Lzo ibe also ; gpore: 2 Hebel nf Oh look! look ! look at Jon nome ee t am Mey fi ccs Spe" 77ach/ tak nt ! she’s inte e sie wet wietl | conaet costeialy was pe changed colour, orror e enough a she grew; ehuaned ale and

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of a gsees- eESE af ES SPaASARES £ EF e-Roseeast’R oo Manon 31, 1888.] : i R THE LONDON CHARIVARL 149 Femoral, Bhenwhe end Feomnt, by Pasun caine fects, b "a4 Gy Board oft ag dat = of Territorial i devoutly-served, uarter Sessions County to-—— as I eee nay Se ae ~ art Oh-h-h ! she fell upon her > “zo, my British Lzo!” she said, in husky, trembling notes, “ Forget me not, Lo !—and Soxzy, forget me not! Remember me face, and was t VERY SWEET LAVENDER. Dear Mr. Ponca, — I am such a sincere admirer of the works of Mr. Prveno, that I trust you will allow me to make a few suggestions for his benefit 2 propos of his new other evening, and ~ Oe PA ON \ “ liked — : 3 SS ( DY ‘ite { After a Celebrated Picture. at T s Theatre. I saw it the piece erry it very much, but I Somd have liked it entertainment. Mr. would have at home (in blank verse) at the Lyceum, or, were the incidents put back a century or so, at the Vaudeville. But assuming for the moment that Terry’s Theatre is the best I cannot help thinking that it Been laid in any spot other than the Temple. So many Barristers people nowadays ot penile house for its introduction, have been better had the action ves, or have friends or rela- tives at the Bar, that the ways of lawyers are pretty well known. Now the “Chambers of Mr. Phenyl and Mr. Hale, No. 3, Brain Court,” are really impossible. What would the Benchers say were a tenant of the Inner Temple nothing of his be a terrible to house his Aunt, his Uncle, to sa Cousin, in his rooms? I am afrai e and this is one of the many incongruities that are met with on every turn of Mr. Pheny i i's staircase. there is not much harm in the scene of But assuming that, after Sweet Lavender’s adventures being laid in the Temple, I cannot con- —— ay that 1 See i ith Sweet Lavender herself. In | i Miss Norrgys was simply delight- ful, but she is a little out of her element ina pathetic part. She has pW se the sentimental ic drama, and wiser to follow in the f of Mrs. Bancrorr, and keep to comedy ing that Miss Norrxys was we cate, | changes, Puvgno’s ag adh ™s more | ' leome Mister Libel on the seene, and the oie he sated been omitted from Steet Lavender, the Piece would have alteration. Admi thst Sweet Levender thoald have been, ont out, 2. i i i a [Fit 3 tant F 2 2 racters of Mr. We his sister, her ter, her lover, Dr bes a fashionable ci th St art mas excellently as those are cannot Polieving that the Domestie Drama would bs more concentrated ik interest without them. Paving with these members of the Dramatis Persone, | find that Mr. Maw, « solicitor, and Mr. Bulger, a , are the only characters left in , [ i : -§ i i Mr. Prvgro, ees poheny. will prefer the piece to played as he has written it, gee bom be right. After all it is only a matter of for myself, can only say that if my proposals are carried out in their entirety, I f the new piece every night for a year, without of weariness, Once more appeeuiog my unqualified admiration for Mr. Prvrno, Mr.Tzrey, and his entire company in general, and for Sweet Lavender in parti , | remain, Yours truly, “A Nasty One.” OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. I am glad to see that Messrs. Rovrtzpex have taken my hint, hich | and have brought out a pocket volume of Tales from Pickwick. It and wo o-cagues Geavaiied p-comenmes a Ss material for a picture in The Baron ig, the most rollicking of 1 . wickian Tales. The Prima Donna, Pe, Svensetaxe Epwarps, is and interesting, but it must be read ally, or many of the } excellent short anecdotes may be missed. Halll of Son Son to havo yielded to then ub of good gr of seem ve yi a grace. y sither eaffered from the jealousy of their rich and erful admirers — = Rpg “admirers’’), or from the ty of their own usbands. Continental Societ oo the heaienee g of this century—not much better or worse then than now, | suppose—drew the line at _. fessional persons,” and if they were ever admitted within the cordon, it was only on sufferance. Madame Sontao was the brilliant exception among foreign artists, and she—Oh! happy termination to ta “land eaiokes DA Donna not ; lor a Prima was 60 remarkable, as on thelist ws find ae belted Earls,” D TAG Was in every way & rara avis. ae Prime phy frome ORI up tthe pesent da: , are of a less sprightly character than those of their predecessors. Hore Mr. SUTHERLAND Rowsaee found Meet oe er oe An ist’ motto must . ct) viventibus nist ” or ent r Spepeg 7 author would be by the publisher's curse. ei Ke Kea ee

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oe re PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. {Manos 31, 1888, | AFRAID OF COMMITTING HIMSELF! ‘AWD, TO MAKE A LONG Story snort, Bisnor, THE TRAIN CAME TO A STAND-STILL IN THE VERY NICK OF TIM, AND MY DEAR Aunt JANE WAS SAVED—ACTUALLY SAVED! * Wet, Mas. Bornrsam—yvou sezx—I—a—Il pow r xwow rove Avyr!” Now wasn? rHat A Mercy, Bisnor!” MASTER RITCHIE’S EASTER-EGG., “Old Tory” Party, loquitur :— Goop gracious | What’s that? Well 1 never . You've taken my breath bang aver Oh, you boys! You’re remarkably clever, No doubt, or so all of you say ; all “ funky,” doubts are ‘‘ all rot ;” And you fancy me what you o And say that my Bat if you’re not a mischievous monkey I don’t know what’s what. Br-r-r-r! You've upset my nerves alto- gether wae you Jack-in-the-Box, you bad y. You migat just knock me down with a feather, A feat I daresay you'd enjoy. Not a Jack-in-the-Box, but an Egg, Sir ? A nice Easter-Egg for old Gran’ Do not try on such gammon, I beg, Sir ; Just drop it, young man! Eee, indeed! With that bogey inside it ? hen I was a girl were egge. But sincerity ’s dead, s deride it, And honesty ’s on its legs. No innocent hen ever laid it, That sham, Sir; no, certainly not ; And, as for the raseal who — A it, He ought to be shot! A nice Easter Gift on m Sir! It isn’t at all to m ~ Aegan Eh? Harmless and useful? Absurd, Sir! Do take it away, and make haste. Egg? As big as an Auk’s and more awful! | Kee! Rubbish, Sir, don’t you tell me. If making such horrors is lawfal, It ought not to be! What is it, that thing that popped out of it? | Gr-r-r! It’s an ogre; ’twill grow, And y gobble us up. There’s no donut! it. Rircate, how could you do so? Just look at its cap! Did you dress it? What more could young icals do ? Oh! I didn’t, dear boy, I confess it, Expect this from you / | A TWISTER BY TRADE. | A VERY proper example, as far as it goes, was made of the savage undernamed in a| notice of “Tux Suockine TREATMENT OF A Ons | Ferrx Rosensena, a ‘ contortionist,” was yester- day committed to gaol for six months’ hard labour by the Manchester stipendiary for brutally ill- treating a little boy. The child had been com- mitted to his care to be trained, and he was stated to have beaten it continually because it could not force its limbs into certain forms.”’ It is to be wished that Mr. Feirx Rosen- Bere had been rendered as infeliz as he deserved to be for his inhumanity to his infant Unfortunately, the law did not sub- ject hi to be so punished as such a cruel * contortionist” ought to have been ; that is to say, adjudged to practise involuntary con- tortions under a sufficiency of stripes with the cat. BOAT AHOY! Text me not, in mournfal ‘‘ Leaders,” Once a week or once a day, That the reign of Penny Steamboats Has for ever passed away ! Not this Spring, and not last Winter, Have we watched the steamers run ; And upon the Watery Highway Their familiar race seemed done. a is strong! But grief was stronger That no more—or did we dream ?— Up to Kew or down to Greenwich Should we—could we—swiftly steam. But a brand-new Co. has promised With luxurious grander craft To replace the out-worn cockles, And eclipse them fore and aft. Let us, then, be up and booking, With a penny for our fare, Nor old Father Thames abandon, And his lively *‘ Sun and Air”’! Short Scene after the Boat Race. (Mr. Wagstaff, the Undefeated Jokist who never cam be serious, is about to enter his Club as Old Member is stepping into cab hurriedly, in order to catch the train.) Wagst. (stopping him). I’ve just seen Oxford and Canabetdge. Old Member (delighted to have the news at Sirst hand to take into the country with him). Ah! Which won? Wagst. Which one? Oh—both. [ Exit into Club. | | |

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en , CGF, / , SUEGES 11 TOYS TE Dy yy. 7, (447, s/ 7 {GG, ’ A R-] “Orv Tony” Parry. “GOODNESS GRACIOUS!|-WHAT NEXT, I WONDER!!!’ ’ 4 ~ — - — . - TS = 7 4 4 cerry rr Vay WH Ty , A ST, i Td Yi Whe Yip iy YG LLLEL LE o/s = iY. A SI 77S = **t22—— a PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Mancu 31, 1888. MASTER RITCHIE’S §

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Manon 31, 1888. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. MI GRale | OATeMand wm AVU(MMty > ea A SUGGESTION FOR THE FUTURE. Wuat ovr M.F.H. was PREPARING TO TRY IF THE SNOW HAD CONTINUED, which shall be nameless, a of a harf bottel of Ciicko’s o on ’em across rich Shampane that two 7 ee ¥ _—_ I; “but 1’ll * Don’t go for a few minnits, for here ’s just two or three glasses of '47| Experts was then yeelded to my fate and sat down. | continue as it had been for & : ea s F delishus wine to e ; says he, ‘‘and 1’ll foller your good xample.” of the thirsty » and Witch did. ‘ Well,” says he, ‘‘I hardly | this dooty bin ormed, that not only has more than one xpects you to beleeve me, but it’s quite| Warden fallen a Marter in the sacred cause, but the Cellar —_ Comp my } 7 Ay oplot and Prepare weed te we *Falaimed allerolial s Btop | dens is a se may ve a hundreds of dozens of their wersy boldest and werry best wine by corn’s held no mare! My frend told me that for the lirst year “s out of my heasy chair! | their efforts to make a hole, so to in Grayshus goodness!” says I, “what on airth are you a torking most credittable to all conserned xed pent me the | sollem counsel was called, and wandrous tail. f i contents of their capay I declare I was that shocked tat I scarcely knew what I was ae, bat twas San, end Se one ee the gigantic cattalog was laid i n he said, | before the washupfoo ee eee ; called in, and a calkerlation was made as to how Port left in this bottel, which I removed for fear it should get into|long the stock of wine woud supposing the peacgngeen to . shall do the most good, and be the most ginerous, to the poor and THE DRAPERS’ SACRIFICE ! kneady, and then meets once a month and settles their accounts with Mr and Brown was a setting the other night in a cozy littel room, | one another, and pays over their warious ballances, and sends a large i id e way to the Lord Mare for him to distribbute, yang 8 had ordered, on my reckomen- | knowing as they does as he’s just the man for dashun, but had found too sweet for their} Well, fortnitly, my frend, the Under Beedel’s Assistant, was xperi tes, poor fellers! when | in, and jest about having a nice litel snack for luneb, so I jin him. Broww says to me, says he, ‘Have you|and over a glass of, never mind what, we torked over herd of hawful noose?” “* What] bizziness of the Hockshun. And wot a rewelation it were! and how noose?” says I. ‘* Well,” says he, “ be| the scofling jester would mock at soepgeed. for a real staggerer.” ‘‘I thinks | then, that for wery manny yess pes it has as 1’m amost for anythink,”’ says |of the most est of the four Wardens of the Compny, so far another glass of this | as a practical knolledge of wines was conserned, to lay in a stock sure.” ‘So do,” | of the werry rarest and finest that money could procure, for the 80 fF ii thoroughly and conseentious) SECSTE years past, and the result, af Hockshuneers, and had — meetings to make sure as there was no mistake in so werry me 4 tork with their hed man about how it was to have 1 or portant a matter, was found to be, that there was quite enuff to 2 worry carefal mem as wes asustemed ¢0 ouek wines as to | last ’em another thirty year ! know how to handle em, and that he had engaged us both for that| Then came the most sollemest question of all. Woud the finest of ewentful day. I was that efected by Brown's xtrornary kindness all Clarets, and the noblest of all Porta, and the loveliest of all Sham- that | drank his elth in s Bumper of ’47, and then sort my sober panes, larst another 30 years? Bey ny ee ee its. * wiser but « sadder man. all experienced experts called in to give their opinyon, Nex day I gos and I calls at Drapers’ All, witch it’s in Thrug|and, after several more jovial banquets, as no fine wine can be Mortem | I thinks they calls it, close to the Stock Xchange, | properly tasted except at « scrumptious be and with its proper where I'm as all the most piousest and most onerablest men in courses, the final decision was given that it not ! the hole City assembels ewery day, and makes wagers as to who Ge the nessessary secrifice follered, and such a soene as I seed at smi tI A

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL THIS WEATHER! ‘AND HOW ARE WE TO-DAY, MY DEAR Mapam?” * Weit, Docrorn, Taz Comp 1 CAUGHT THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY RATHER BETTER ; worsz—anp I CAUGHT A BRAND NEW ONE LAST NIGHT!” Is the Hockshuneer’s on that day I shall not soon forget. Sampels of such Wines as most peeple is content ony to dream about, handed round permiscous to a thirsty mob. No sipping, oh no, but everybody emptied his ¢ like a man, so there was no littel heel-taps for the poor porters. Of course Brown and me, with our long xperience, took preshus good care not to spile the look of the wine by pouring it out too close, suttenly not, not by no means. I manidged to git on good terms with the obliging Clark who took down | the names of the buyers, sol knows pretty well where sum of the werry finest of the wines is gone to, s ly sum of my hown speshal Brands, so I still | indulges in the fond hope that, “‘ sum day, sum day, sum day I shall see them.” I suppose it was the werry xciting day as I spent on that Hockshun Day, and not the remains of the werry hold bottels of werry hold wine as afected me so singulally, but I was suttenly a werry long time getting home, and when | at length I arrived there, my recepshun by my best-beloved was of that | strange character that I never knew ekalled. |’em, but wh | such a Hoo f course it was werry kind to insist on taking off my Wellinton Boots, when I was quite prepared to sleep in she shood xpress the unkind wish that I shood never attend un again, I reelly carn’t emadgin. Roser. Humanity and Machinery. Me. Leowanp Covrryver, M.P., ying at the Annual Meeting of the Charity Organisation Society, said, “‘ You cannot cure the ills of Society by ag oy The maxim would have been more epigrammatic, and equally saceple fanpelan, ap sister, with cond cupaniention, an unadhioary, thet the only ropic im , a8 motor, wi as > e only hope lies of shaping an engine for the real “ elevation of society.” Philan- Sow without knowledge is as ineffective as steam without a cylinder. But knowledge without philanthropy is as inert as the cylinder without steam. The LL Te, Srepuznson of Social Machinery are sorely wanted and anxiously awaited. BUT THE ONE I CAUGHT ON MONDAY WERK 15 EVER 80 MUCH | [Manon 31, 1888, | —= THE COUNTY SQUIRE. | (4 Song in two parts, as sung before and after the intrody. tion of the Local Government Bill. ) Ara—“ The Holy Friar.” I.—Bzrore. I am a Squire of the t day, To Quarter Sessions f take my way. County busines: | have in my grip, With Peer and Parson I sit sip, Get on without me the County can’t, When highways they ’d make, or money they want. And why I’m so popular, that I will tell,— The rustics do like to be ruled by a Swell. No Lord Lieutenant i! more admire Than a resolute ruddy-faced County Squire. Il.—AFrER. Bat what is this ? ¥ Is’t a horrible dream ? Are our Tory leaders i they seem? Ww Their stoutest su why mortify ig Bill, mich ; all my eye. With this bl County Councils to handle tin The Squire and the Parson both sack’d—for what sin’ Staff! It’s a dirty dashed Radical wrong. If it passes, my knell will be ringing, ding-dong. For the power will cense, and the reign will expire Of the resolute, ruddy-faced County Squire! “KEATS AND HiS HAMPSTEAD HOME.” | Unper this heading, the Sunday Times—sprightly |paper this, nowadays — published a communication, | signed * B, L. H.,” bewailing the probable demolition | of —- r+ once the home of ig Poet ee, The |owner of the property, it appears, hasn’t yet le up | his mind whether to pull it down, or let it. The devotees |of Keats cry, “ Let it—alone!” The owner of the pr- ‘perez will probably retort to the devotees, ‘ Then you | bay it!” Sentiment is much: but six-per-centiment is more. And, on the whole, we should not like to be the owner of a Dead Lion’s Den. | CONVERSION ALL ROUND. | A Conversion the Nation’s poor creditor rues That condemns him great of his income to lose. He must own ’tis all fair, but in heart he repines, And, himself unconverted, accounts it hard lines. It is much to be feared that he takes it so ill As to harbour a sense the reverse of will To the smiling financiers who bid him be gay, Having known where to put their own pelf safe away. By Conversion the Government credit will get From the millions aggrieved by the National Debt, In proportion, of course, to the sum of relief a Which they gain by so great an assuagement of grief. But besides, there ’s another ‘‘ Conversion” than that Which will fatten the lean at the cost of the fat ; For Conversion the Cabinet merit may claim In general—Conversion at large is their game. They ’ve converted Consols, Three-per-cent., not alone, | But the views heretofore till in office their own, In political faith a conversion indeed ; For converted they stand to the Radical creed. The Liberals, too, are converted and thrive As Unionists, Liberal-Conservatire, | With Rrrcure Gladstonian-Irish are f And so, one may say, there’s Conversion | | Conservatives—this is conversion-in-chief,— | Converted by Braptaven! ’tis past all belief! | Now, what have Conservatives left to conserve ? Their seats. To do this they will strain every nerve. Tas Rea “ Mrersat L 3 Bawsom a it is that, despite m new paten ments, that vehicle is found, in nine cases out of tes) to be still a “* Little-case” of dirt, damp, and “i discomfort. Anyone who can solve this mystery | doubtless ‘‘ hear of something to his advantage. | |

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Marca 31, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 155 » — a ee I ( A om 22 4; > Le | House of Commons, Monday Night, March 19.—Foresight of in Bill. Middlesex Magistrates shall sit as Magistrates for new | t in matters of detail cerikingly illustrated to-night. County of London.” __ Have pet up most stupendous Bill of modern times; touches innu- ‘‘ Not sure, Tony,” said Graperows, as I crossed the Lobby with interests throughout the country ; takes ten days to print, him when all was over, ‘ that from our point of view we aren’t doin | and upwards of two hours to describe in outline. Wants a man of better than if I was in office with a majority of eighty. Hover dant bul othending inches to take charge of it. Kine-Hazman might do, | have brought in such Gessngiy Rotied qesees & Reson. If but engaged. So Rircure placed in of scheme. A we had, would have wasted Sessions in it on. Now we | monstrous medley of minute multiformity ; but CHIZ managed go into Opposition, they come into —_" do our work more | job om hand, and greprlod with it tn downright | "Then, Bir,” I nid, * you wonrt @ beck when the great heart of on gra’ with it in downrig = , Sir,” I said, ** you won't go Ww | honest fashion much appreciated by ouse. GLapstonz, who is the, pergle otto and calle you wip peme voice ?’ nowadays always blessing the Government, came out with unusual “‘ We shall see, Tosy, we shall see,” said the Old Man Eloquent fervour, publicly patting Rrrcmre on the back. Only frigidity of tucking his papers under his arm, burying his head in his collar, and zr gn | ene 2 aoe Bt Se ‘ar behind. Ditxe’s Bill, ARTTELOT whispers uve-Hanman’s Salary Bill on again. began as before. not have that on any account.” | Old Morclity waited tll’ midaight hed streak, thee*an Ooecane Yah! yah!” murmured the Alderman. “Only one bright spot rose to leave Chair, moved Closure. Heaty and Paxwxrt sprang - | betes fl Tey

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156 [Marcu 31, 1888, PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. to th fect and ily protested that it was too late. Chairman ruled der, and. ied on divi \for Mid Leicestershire. the| Sam Weiler’s father had i ruled Motion in order, Closure carried on division. . “Oh dear, oh dear!” eried Old Morality, pinning on his and tucking up his trousers, to home snow, “‘there’s no pleasing f Friday, Ditton awfully because I moved Closure at twenty-five minutes to twelve; said it was too cy. Bow | wait till twelve, and Tnx Hearty says it’s too late. high, strike low, nothing will satisfy them!” alle Business done.—Local Government Bill introduced. Tuesday. Things going wrong in the House of Lords. Lo Cuanounion mane Ground Denton of Land Transfer BU As he con- fessed, expected Noble Lords would this stage withoutdemur. Noble a took other view of their duty. ARUNDEL oF WaxkpoUR amazed — oe —- ting revolutionary princip AN- LEY oF ALpeRtey denounced Bill; CirrvorD or CuupLEIcn adversely criticised it. STRATHEDEN AND CAMPBELL mi nimously declined to press tottering Government ; but Denman came to front, and dealt gering blow. Long time since galaxy of hereditary ability shone upon pallid occupant of Woolsack. ZETLAND, looking on, began to think there were insti- tutions more hopelessly undermined even than the Jockey Club. The Markiss, with burlesque of audacity, hinted that the phenomenon was due to “ lack of uate informa- tion on the part of Noble Lords.” But Loxrp CHANCELLOR, supporting his columnar figure : Wool- sack, falteringly admi' that “‘ no one said good word for the Bill.” ne ly, it was read a Second ., 4. than the Jockey Club!” Commons had Morning Sitting. Conversion of Debt Bill in Com- mittee. As, however, only trifle of some hundreds of millions at issue, attendance very thin. ion chiefly to ex- Chancellors of the Exchequer, and the poe occupant of the office. Naturally, that great financial authority, GrawpoLPH, came to the front. Gtapsrone having differed from GoscHEn on impor- tant clause of Bill, Grawpo.ra in and in finest judicial manner differed from both. Elderly and respectable they might be ; even possessing some reputation in financial world. But, really, approaching subject from directly opposite points of view, they were both ridiculously wrong. GraNDOLPH mentioned this tly. Still there it was. “ * It’s a great pity,” CuaPLox murmured ander his breath, ‘‘ that this eminent man is, after all, in| Gog and Magog. O Rrcute, Rrrcnte, ne’er can such things be! uestions with his LapsTone is a folly ‘\ GoscHen an impertinence. * Yet I’m afraid that it is even beyond GRaNDOLPR’s capacity, the Asay, Sudieg i the ‘Na 4 our Chancellor st the Bx in Peers’ om ad friend Joy Maxwans, now seventh ‘| up. Youth is Hewry Mawwers, now Marquis of Granby, (“*Sosaw Crarxe, “ Markis late he was Private Secretary to q Markiss himself—at least quite as much as H Duke watches new Marquis carefully through ceremony. him cheered by Conservatives, sees him welcomed by Mini observes him bow low over SpzaxkeEn’s outstretched hand, and then goes his way, trying to remember his CoLEnIDezE— “ Life went a-Maying With Nature, Hope, and Poesy, When I was young ! When I was young? ‘ah, woful when! Ah, for the chenas *twixt now and then !’? Still Constitution attacked by Irish, undermined by Socialists, ham- pered by Grand Old Mannists, is safe. For there is yet a Ruriaxp in the s, and a Mawwers in the s. Lord Jouw well away from his old quarters on Treasury Bench to-night. Never a bed of roses. To-night particularly prickly, Criminal Evidence Bill down for Second Reading. Quite inoffensive looking measure. Receives united blessing of Attorney-General, Cuantes Russett, and Henry James. this seems nothing more to say. Irish thought otherwise. Have long made it a grievance that certain English Bills do not extend to Now weep and wail because Criminal Evidence Bill to run h Great Britain and Ireland. Debate began at five o’clock. At half-past ten Old Morality pounced; movement well meant, but par- ticularly ill chosen. PaRwett just risen, and thus tly shut Irish howled with rage. RoourT shaken with indignation, Joun Morty eee indignant. All the fat in the fire; frizzled famously. What with Divisions, crimination and recrimination next hour — | half quickly passed by ; twelve o’clock struck, and next Order barred. Oddly enough next Order was stage of Bill poosties — | for Krve-Harman. Strange untoward accident that unexpe and prolonged debate should have sprung up on inoffensive Bill pre- ceding it. “ell you what, Goscuzn,” said Old Morality, wearily packing up his papers, ‘‘ you must somehow provide £1000 a-year for Krne- | mas and we'll give it him to goaway. He’s playing the doow with our prospects. Lost more time over him than on all other debateable points put together.” Business done.—Kinc-Harman’s Salary Bill postponed over another sitting. Friday.— BravdLavex brought on Motion for appointment of Select Committee to inquire into Pensions; and, what is more, carried it. Capital Debate, enlivened by interesting speech from JENNINGS, who | ed rabid Radicalism from centre of Conservative Camp. GLAD- | stone much exeited at disclosures made. Finally turned upon | Curipers, and, impressing remarks by persistently poking him in | ribs with outstretehed finger, addressed to him animated speech of ten minutes’ duration. From resigned expression on CHILDERS face, report got about that Giapsrong, dwelling = enormity Pension system, was explaining to Cartpers that should begin reform by docking his pension as ex-Minister, Must begin some- where, you know. Business done.—Inquiry ordered into Pensions, RITCHIE’S DREAM. Magog. You’d make us slaves, dependant ney Upon a Council and Lieutenant’s ty! uichte. ell—— Gog. And, our London is to be ‘a County!” Ritchie. Why not? You’ve heard of ‘ County Paris rf” Magog and Gog. Magog. Quote SHAKsPEARE to your purpose ? * Then we know What line to take,— enry VIII, Act 2. The Copenie won’t submit to you! Nor will they budge, till from their place they 're hurled. [Giants vanish. Goe and Me, “ No, not for all the Rrremres in the world. Poor Pyrotechnics. “Tax young Bengal faction,” says the 7imes, “have been their f spoil the valedictory ceremonies’ in eonnection the rd and Lady Durreatn, and have failed.” Their “ Bengal Lights,” like some other fireworks, seem to have begun with a splutter and ended i “ When dogs of faction bay,” may it all End in mere noise like this “ Bay of Bengal.” a CH NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To there will be no oxception. this rule

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nish. BeBe — JNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Munos $i, 1888 WHISKEY, ist DEUGATE WHISKEY IN THE WORLD, BOTTLED IN DUBLIN. ‘PLE (One Dozen) CASE sent from Dublin, Carriage paid, to any in the United Kingdom. PRICE 42/- PER CASE. & J. BURKE, DUBLIN. “EI i182 QUESTION SOLVED! ‘ [TRISH mn NHISKEY GUARANTEED PURITY and ov EXCELLED QUALITY. CERTIFIED BY CUSTOMS AUTHORITY. LED bY the SUPERVISION of TOMS RITIES. = DATE of mom KEING GIVEN O iE. as NO oe AG LDMENT would be PHRMITTED to be LABELLED by the rs. containing GALLONS in potia Distilled im 1880, 42s.; Distided im , ‘és, Distilled in 1877, 480. o Pa. Teams, Ss San eee wo RICHARD FOLE BY Sen Custom House Warehouses, MEDAL, PARIS EXHIBITION, 1878. INAHAN?S -rx2,gexai OLD IRISH. sition LL WHISKIES. vito WHISKY. PRIZE MEDAL, DUBLIN EXHIBITION, 1865. REAT TITCHFIELD STREET, LONDON, W. ELCOME ALWAYS, KEEP IT HANDY,” AWTS’ MORELLA CHERRY BRANDY.” Of all Dealers. Beware of Imitations. Manufactured by THOMAS GRANT & SONS, MAIDSTONE, EXSHAW & GOS a a DY. v | Jk, & Co., 203, 7 Seseet, w. LD VINTAGE PORTS. 186i, 1863, 1865, 1868, 1870, 1872, &o. ‘GUARANTEED. 8. JOHNSON & SONS, *TH-ON-DEARNE, YORKS. Est. A.D. "y199 ANKRUPT SsTOCK— Sess Poy m PORT and gallons Best OLD and SCOTCH wiisn les 8, 13s. 64. gallon yeaa west Apply, SecuetaRr, 254, Manon Bs MY, 1s, Soom BEDFORD RASS MOWERS| td Ss aking un. Powder BROOKE'S MONKEY S O A P. BRAND” O-Yh io ee aw AX . MAKES per Like Gold, MAKES Tin Like Silver. MAKES Brass Like Mirrors. MAKES Paint Like New, MAKES Crocker Like Marble. MAKES Spotless pee Earthenware, Bright _ ‘MAKES Fire-lrons, a. MAKES Shining Pots and Pans, MAKES Sparkling ; Glassware. f4 WONT WASH CLOTHES! MAKES Windows Like Crystal. MAKES Polished |i Stair Rods. Kail MAKES Dees Marble White. ——— iy i il =" ~ ts everywhere. If not Sold by Gr ers, and Chemis EE deo oF obtaina mear you, send 1 44. im stamps, for full-size Post ; able seat 70%. send free by, Post smelt sample for ld. stamp (mentioning ‘ ‘Punch ”) B. BROOKE & CO., _ 96 to 40, YORK ROAD, KING'S CROSS, LONDON, B. A Phesphatic Food for Delicate SQUIRE'S CHEMICAL FOOD. EDWARD PARRISN, for which SQUIRE & SONS were for 20 years the Sole Agenta, and for the last 13 years have been the authorised manufactarers, In bottles, 2/-, 8/64 6/- each, of Chemists Or by Post free direct from SQUIRE & SONS, ol BEY TA Ethan, reepe ence. T ME-CHECKING MACHINES. The EZACT Time Employées arrive and leave recorded. WO OVER-PAYMENTS, NWO ERRORS, NO DISPUTES. ABSOLUTE ACCURACY, GREAT KCONOMY, Indicating, Counting, and Clock- work mechaniom @ speciaity Illetrated Catalogue and | esti- monials on app ication. When inquiring price, state how many to be checked. LLEWELIN MACHINE CO., BRISTOL. DRINKWATER’S SPORTSMAN’S LINIMENT to » valuaite até pyertemen’s aE — te oouT, LUMBAGO, SPRAINS, CHBCKING CLASS, FOR “a"

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qus roma ny The Pirm are the natore an eT rine tetors & special material, styled the “ WEAR- ESisT NG Par RIC’ (Reed that *Saee es tally manufactared te FOR IMMEDIATE WEAR withstand the hard wear given, bv to their large Stock PRING ercoats. Fuits school and every-day dress Z application ‘atterne 4 .- pe r~ + “ Weer. Resisting " and other mR als, will be forwarded post- the Firm’ vous mem e). have Prepared 7: an = - > a r : es , invite an imepection of thelr Show-Reoms by Parents and Messrs. SAMUEL BROTHERS requirements of Youths and Boys have for very many years vicest SPRING materiais, ‘ oS ef oe th The comprises a has attained bog 4 large dimensions, so that every want in . troduced. origin at ouths and ' : Petherne of - on tk without resort to the Bespoke Department. The to those made to order. , ’ «@ POST FREE. Boots, LONDON, E.C. in Aden” oun ey eal see ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE. ‘or Prospectus, apply to the Secretar i on ——————————— ———— : EVERYONE SHOULD TRY FI ae PENS. Giving ape My Fine jience 5 coe ie them tcl | 76 to 80, OXFORD STREET, VW. nearly so often as other Pens. Belbern Viaduct, London. BEST AND CHEAPEST. . Gastric and Intestinal MAPPIN & WEBB § troubles, Headache arising from them. BOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS AND DRUGGISTS, 2s. 6d. A BOX. Gaas SCHOOL OUTFITS SPRING OUTFITS FOR GE Geard.ans © ho are desirous of OwtStting their juvenile charges one in their Show Rooms an extensive received the closest attention of Messrs. Sauce. Baormens Bpring Textures for Suitings, Overcoatings. Pulte, Overcow overy, Keote, &e., is fully met, ly x —~ free together with the Libastrated Price-\ist eomtaining about ite of who desire to be Departments and is a usefui guide to for made from Cloths specially selected from the latte 65 & 67, LUDGATE HILL AS" “ot aE. For SHIRTS, HATS, HOSIERY, THE COLONIAL COLLEGE & TRAINING FARMS LI , (Limited), BOLLaeLe BAY, tf oe COL NSO 0 { besside Pine Climate, vie A COMPLETE SYSTEM OF ARTISTIC FURNI Ay simply perfection | TWENTY COMPLETELY FURNISHED. BEDROOMS ON the paper, or Dict, and fe rr Ber oe : gan 7 tad Sold by all Stationers. ant THE a LAXATIVE, REFRESHING FRUIT LOZENCGE, VERY ACREEABLE TO TAKE, S SPOONS & FORKS GRILLON. | \ gesececoocosoe oi ::: ‘ADAMS’S PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Manrons 31, 1888. Messrs. SAMUEL BROTHERS respectfully BESPOKE DEPARTMENT. for any of the public or private colleges, sthools, &c. The ond a the Firm respectfully with the result that this important Department of their business together with such new designs and specialities © Engravings This book furnishes details of the Firm's Nine Gentiomen, Boys, and Ladies and in quality, workmanship, finish, &c., are in every noma TRAINING FOR COLONIAL’ ao PLANISHED, § BED-ROOMS, SITTING: ‘ROOMS, &e., &, rsons who write 2 cel require Opving ia wre 1825. FOR TAMAR ,, coxsritixcon Hemorrhoids, Bile, Loss of Appetite, E. GRILLON, 69, Queen Street, City, London. THE SANITARY ‘EUCALYPTUS SOAP’|: @ONQASA = cee POLISH. | > the . t fle ‘ Lancer. ND BEST Purifies the Skin and Beaut fies the Complexion. Secccocooecoes _— | THE oL DEST Al ° WHITAKER & GROSSMITH, ‘invaluable in ureigia. Has proved | nee ee eas eT sels eo | 2, SILK STREET, CITY, LONDON. efiective “in ail” those ¢naea ia’ which Wwe have by Geasere, 3 Ollmen, fe. a prescribed | it."—Mapicat Pauses. Bold by Grocers, lronmongers, Oilmen, Pry Verbs are popular, * 64 Nox of 3, at Chemists and Grocers, or direct. , te. 6d., and lie. Of all Chemists. Manufactory—SHEFFIELD it also is what man “itn Bie ti ath- ENZINE COLLAS—BENZINE COLLAS AIN sever tte BENZINE ¢ DLLASBENZINE COLLAS | §. SAINSBURY’S Cures Skin | tore he areca CLEANS GLOVES.-CLEANS DK KAS ER, A HIGHLY PERFUMED Diseases. CLEANS GLOVES,—CLEANS DRESSES. AND nee © eee wa tno Hill, 8B. ENZINE COLLAS—BENZINE COLLAS Prepared withthe 8 ENGLISH LAVENDER, peo | TAR, on’ mt GRtAsE without any foreign whatever MO AR, 0 A cA FROM FURNITURE, CLOTH, & 176 and 177, STRAND. Protects from Small —_——— At the Railway Bookstalls and generally through- ENZINE OOLLAS—BENZINE COLLAS. cet the country hs ta B Prices, ls. to 6¢. ; Post l'ree, 24. extra Measles. See the word COLLAS on the Label. CHAS. Bonn 4 ' wise pe LOS, BENZINE COLLAS—BENZINE COLLAS. orga Sold every where, 6d., ls.,and ls. 6/, per Hottie ; Wigs and 8es)708 Agents: J Saworn & hon rte Oxfora a, WwW a LUGGAGE PASSENGER, @c urts === HOUTEN’S "Goddard's ) PURE SOLUBLE COCOA Ptat Powder 3 is THE BEST, and really THE CHEAPEST IN THE END. me B me Sealy "Sie diech ang gArEST e BRITISH MEDICAL JOURNAL says:—"' Vay Hovres’s Cocos’ TR ghey wk In flavour it is perfect, and it is so pure, well prepared and rich,” &c. Bee the word COLLAB on the Cap ad naved by W Lvem Bteart Smita, of », Holloway —— o 3, Loraipe Road nore jin he Fost of Pt Mary, Ictingven fp Oe County ya ~~ y- Prec Ww "is tee r~ at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury. by him at No. 86, Fleet Street, in the P: of St. Bride, City of London.—Sarvapar, March ——— >

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"e| F.C.) AIREY” ANNIE. Spe. | BURNA non Aone ND TRAVESTIE ON MRS. CAMPBELL PRAED’S PLAY OF “ ARIANE” AT THE OPERA COMIQUE. j > 5 2 4 rm ay a : ANE z : aa > m | = w 7 Aa e sf a . | % a : X 'r : © a VOLUME Re + Hed NINETY-FOURTH. i} S at — : ce APRIL 7, a —— OU he ie ee WU — OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET. & bilyae ie AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS. fi aoe SCHWEDPE TABLE WATERS ens or WALES. Sales during 1887, 12,289,260 Bottles.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Aram 7, 1888.

BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINE. Wo. 876.——APRIL 1888.—2s. 64. Cowrerrs. A OTIFY-NECKED GENERATION. Onare. 1—Y¥. AMONG THE ISLANDS OF THE SOUTH PACIFIC: FIJI. By Corre Teorren. FOTSE. Coneicsms THE EVE OF OT. JOHN. Teaweteren race res | @wnnas or Goeray Hastwie ot Oca Tasopons Mearm, K O.B. OLD SCOTLAND. BVENING: KING'S COLLEGE CHAPEL, CAM- BRIDGE. TES CENTRAL AFRICAN QUESTION. THE LAND BEYOND THE FOREST. THE POLICE OF THE NORTH SEA. By W. Mona Cotim OUR NAVAL POLICY.

WILLIAM BLACKWOOD ssp 60NS, F4inburgh and London. MACMILLAN’ 8 MAGAZINE. No. M3, for APRIL.

Cowrents. 1. The Laws of Property ; by Lord Coleridge. & The Reverberater; by Henry James. V.—VIT. &. Dr. Paustus and his Contemporaries; by 3G. Keifort bar @ Reflections in « Picture Gallery. 6 Lessing's Dramatic Notes. 6. & Mized University ; by MH. R. Tottenham 7. Garis; by W. EB. Norrie, Chapters XIII.—XV. MACMILLAN & ©O., LONDON. TO STOUT PEOPLE, Sueper Trxee says :—' Mr. Russell's aim is to ERaprcaTs, to cone the disease, and that his treat- ment le the true one seems beyond ali doubt. The medicine he prescribes poss wor Lowra, BUT BUILDS CF A* D TONES THe everex.” Book (116 pages) with recipe and notes how to pleasantly and 7 cure Onserrt (average reduction in Gret week ‘s 3 1bu.), post free 6 stam ps ¥. C. BUSSELL, Woburs House, Gtore treet, Bedford Square, London, W.6, “OUR NEIGHBOURS.” PARTRIDGE & COOPER, * STATIONERS, 192, FLEET STREET. THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY ESTABLISHED 1825. Accumulated Fund, 64 Millions Stg.

FOR PROTECTION LNIWLSIANI P

EDINBURGH, 3 George 8t. (Head Office) LONDON, 83 King William Street, B.C. °o 8 Pall Mal) Bast, 5.W. DUBLIN, 66 Upper Sackville Street, Branches & Agencies in India & the Colonies. GOLDEN BRONZE, HAIR — can be ty using RINE ele cuyby WY w intl on tress

Svoan Coatep. Poet easiest to take. or purge, but by Ge | do not pe tle action please all who use them. Establaa Standard of the United States. In pial at le. 144. Sold by all cecnien, or sent by pot SMALL PILL. SMALL DOSE. SMALL Pua Iilustrated Pamphiet free. British Depot, 46, Holborn Viaduct. London, £¢ USED IN THE ROYAL NURSERIES ~ BEST FOOD INFANTS. In Tins, 1s., 2s., 5s. and 10s. cach. SAVORY & MOORE, ws Lond AND SOLD EVEBYWHERE.

— oe we we tS. se 2 ts Ses eB

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Arai 7, 1888.]} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 157 ——— STUDIES FROM MR. PUNCH’S STUDIO. ‘No, XXXL—Tue Gay Gonporser. Oe ee oe ean Tt ay hla teelgems Tae Inglead ‘expect i. , gay. is nglesi ex it. a —— To attend the patron who comes with his broad laugh and his deep pocket is the Gondo- lier’s chief ambition in life: so he sings in his native tongue:— “kg and free, bo That’s the style ‘ome aa co you know—il primo gondolero and mid advisedly. You shall mile, his polite grazie! la ri him deeply learned in i knows anything of the bard, w: was, but he is weptical as to the authorship he Merchant of Venice. He does not venture to imply that Bacow wrote as some other ~ actly what 3 ~ ee > yo ‘ughin Inglesi, who onl exactly what you want to see, you , who only become serious fora moment over the woes of Desdemona or the Palace and the Prison. He knows the tragic historyof Desdemona, and can dwell with enthusiasm upon the thwarted vengeance of Shylock. -looking house in a canal, he will uch on the b A . li Again you fire off a little joke as to the authorship, and he tells you Smarty is really Venetian and true, written in the histories. there !” he exclaims, before you have time for your Riguardate cit! Ecco! The house where Signore ask if the gentleman in the is Mr. Invine. He does not y a trifle sentimental as e* the Portias, the Desdemonas . My he 5 o. Princess’s, yok un! of SuaxspPeakrg, fill your yond gy no jokes, you risk no more olier knows your ———. His the brave Othello committing patron a trifle triste. Brppo ; in some t way he may have Alert i ly as well as ‘apps He begins to hum a a good voice, you encourage in fact the moon has d nen while you i t who died on emepitene with wounds more than smiles and whispers “* 4h } Caseto lived.” | Toy tre near the Rialto now, and you ing over the bri ‘ou | the Quen made it a photo, whi t he and great ponerse, cugpemely ba py; for have they any other idea than to no ¢ patron? Does he sigh, they are sad unto tears; does they overflow in song :— “ Ever gay and free, boys!” Do not be surprised if in the midst of your reverie, Berro and his Secondo have what seems to be a stent queseal with a rival crew who come suddenly upon them round a corner without sufficient jam me net wy ee inciden a has endangered the safety of aa mt i ven parties an Late ior one 0 those tremendous distur , which on a € i 4 ‘ou con- elude will end in the use of that ready dagger which yoa feel sure is in the belt of every rey L and Garibaldini in Italy. _ “ What is the matter?” ask excitedly, when the feud is at be no 1 speak in Italian (for Be laugh, the matter, or out of politeness to your “* Non c’é niente,” at the same time returning to the fra with renewed zest until the foe is out of the foe wise until Berro is out of sight. He i moment at your lightest joke, he will even i - boat, for he knows the gondola will last his time, that no Inglesi will ever patronise a vessel that is common to city ; yet he is free to confess that they were glorious days when the were occu with the grand old families, family with its omngeny of Gondoliers, and there were intrigues and assassinations and affairs and captives from over the seas, and Venice was ** Ah, Signore, those days are but Inglese ueen of the wor Grand Canal, the Palazzio Pizarro, come to Venezia, they love the Saint Marco, Otello, Desdemona, and they have large heart and much la buonamano !” ** Addio, Berro!”’ His hat isin his hand. There is a tear inhis eye. Secondo watches and imitates his chief. They are a picture. *Brrro tall, erect, in blue cloth, vest open at the neck, embroidered sash, broad sailor-hat. — Sart, _- ie chest, wri 7a, crimson ~y = cut- throat grin; but equally sincere in his regrets at your departure, equally appreciative of your drink- , both thinking of the polento and fish, and chianti, and Oy will enjoy while you so peting away homewards on the hot railway in stuffy car- riages. You take home some pleasant memories, you have bought the right to be critical about studies of Venice at the Academy and the Grosvenor ; and when ~~ examine your banking account, you find that you have paid nobly for your splelionen. OUR BOOKING-OFFICE, “* This Time.” Not any Time, but now or never; that is, Time for this month. If no one has yet put you up to Time, I will do so now. Time was for slaves, by those who can make Time, and this Maga I forgot to say that I am of Time, the M i made for those who have He appears never to home as when . décoré, and decorous, with Miss Moons the Merrier, to his own native land. That his notes are entertaining you may take your little Davy—Gaxaick, of course—and perhaps be may continue them next Time. are some very interesting reminis of the late Mr. Jouw Crayton, in The Theatre; also a it of him in All for Her— the play in which he most distinguished himself as a actor. I there is to be a new Military monthly publication. I should suggest the title of The Hyde Park Magazine. It’s « little late in the year, but the first number might date from the “‘ March Past.” There would be plenty of Reviews, ant Pictures could be isti al Artillery - - distinguish es, that is, if he “char, appropriate place in these military Tu Gree, Cxaumannag. a. FE - Masesty woul erred presen with an Indian shawl. PBat what could he hich, whatever must now be considered as value originally, Sa but well worth *

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__ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. [Arar 7, 1888, | MR. PUNCH’S PARALLELS. No. 6. j | | | . SSSSSSSS Genii, ql tN) aT THE G. 0. M-UNCHAUSEN. “ He drank uncommonly with an eagerness not to be satisfied, but naturally enough: for when I looked round for my men, what do you think I saw? All the hind-quarters of my horse were gone,—cut clean off! The water ran out behind as fast as it ran in before, without the animal keeping | a drop of it. How had this come to pass? I could not account for it at all.”"— Zhe Baron's Adventures, Ch. iv. ) And tails so brisk and beaks so nimble? | And hardened bachelors with glee A PLEA FOR POOR “GOLDIE.” wit surely ony hamen ohe, ve Shall join in amorous rivalry. It i id th hiefly in conseq f th ith heart than her own thimble, " a mAh dy feather-trimmings, our Gold-| Will sigh out, “ Let poor ‘Goldie’ be!” He tells us of the plight we're in finches are nearly exterminated. ] When girls who wish to, cannot spin, And hundreds madly strive to win } Wuew lovely Woman to folly, y Each post of well-paid drudgery. And bird-f ee ee heed, HUSBANDS AND HUSBANDRY. ach post of well-pa gery The co nence is melanc ‘ (Vide Mr. Walter Besant's Article in the April And fiercer still that fight shall glow, Our * Goldies”” — a. dead! Number of *' Longman’s,” called ‘‘The En-| While youths hold back, and ‘’ have 2 Fie | How ca female harbour dowment of the Daughter. ’) 2 6 aeons St wae such cruelty, at such a cost ? : ecause the maidens have no “ dot, — Poll 8we the gentle barber, rey de ak — es So much for modern chivalry ! Might well return, a mournful ghost, Unto the altar men won’t go | And more ard more will suitors bold And haunt reproachfully each daughter Of Hymen, burning usclessly. The offer of their hands withhold Degenerate of Mother Evz. : 0 ee & we " Consent to such ruthless slaughter ? But Besant sees a novel way Until their sweethearts they behold Punch finds it hard, dears, to believe. Of making marriage brisk and gay, Endowed with a sufficiency. Have you not heard their mellow whistles ? Commanding British sires to slay The dalness deepens. On, ye Sires,— Descried their darting red and gold ? The Demon of Celibacy. Whoe’er tu sons-in-law aspire Beheld them stripping seeding thistles, In that good time, as Watrzr B. | And save your girls from fruitless fires With eyes so innocently bold, Explains, all maids shall wedded be, By saving half your salary ! — a

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— Aram 7, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

! , hi a He ‘ | <q ENCUMBERED! Brown (with expectations, to his Landlady, who had just brought in a telegram’. ‘‘Faom mY FatTaer, Mas. Witxins.” (Reads ) ‘Your Aunt THOMPSON DIED LAST EVENING AGED Eicury-EIGaT, AND IN FOLL POSSESSION OF ALL HER FACULTIES. I REMEMBER IT WAS JUST THE SAME IN MY OWN FAMILY, ONLY ”—(regre/fully)}—'‘ MY AUNT HAD Mrs. Wilkins. *‘ Au, Sir! ‘gravy MortGAGEs ON 'EM, S1x!!” ”

OR, CELESTIAL CYNICS IN COUNCIL. [A conjunction of Mercury and Venus occurred, | before the rising of the planets, in the early morn- ing of Wednesday, March 28.] | Venus. Well, how fare you, god of thieves ? | Mercury. That old scandal who believes ? | BELOW THE IORIZON ; | I’m reformed, and a fair-dealer ; You are still the true (heart) stealer! enus. That’s a fad, and not a crime. Where ’s the heart that’s worth a dime ? If on earth I could desery it, ~ I'd not steal that heart,—I’d buy it! Mercury. Cynic! Venus. Why, of course! I’d blush If thought capable of gush. Cynic calm is all the fashion, E’en in what the world calls “‘ passion.” Mercury. Happy world! Venus. Oh, well, I guess What was once termed “ happiness Is a thing too queer and queasy : Free and—what is better—easy Is the present ‘ form” of Love. Mercury. You had better sack your dove ! Venus, Not at all !—trast Cytherea! You have really no idea What an artfal bird it is,— Fly to “ trap” and up to “ biz.” wigs a“ plant” in half a minute. 2 a ap att ;; Hom m astute : also — he RB —or there a term To his interest in our firm.

If that boy went soft or stupid, Well,—it would be, exit Cupid! Mercury. Bless my heart !—I mean, my soul. Things seem tending to a goal Whither even I scarce follow. Ha! and how about Apollo ¢ Venus. Oh, he thrums the same old strains: But there’s nobody—with brains— Listens to his antique twangling. And, besides, he’s always wrangling With the Yankees—they are bright ! Mercury. What about ? , c Oh, Copyright! Venus. Mercury. And the ladies ; do they like This new style of things, or strike— Like the miners—-in a body ? Venus. Mercury, you must be a noddy! Don’t you better know the Sex ? A new mode may gall or vex; But they ’ll follow it with passion, Just because it 1s the fashion. Mercury. Oh! ah! quit» so! 8o, iaiend it used to be, . In Life’s game, that “ hearts are trumps,” Hearts are now—— Pneumatic pumps! Venus. Fact! And do you really think I have any cause to shrink ’ From your hasty charge of stealing Things like these, devoid of feeling As of value ? : Mercury. As a crime, ; No! But don’t you waste your time? Venus. Hardly! It is rather fun! But, I think I see the Sun. , Mercury. Well, before we meet again, Yes, I see.

T must, as the Pags say, “train” For this reign of the cheap Timon : Now I feel a Simple Simon. Venus. You are out of it, indeed ! Well, you’ve only got to read Gossip in which Jznxrns grovels, And the best Society novels ; Then you'll learn my modern function. Ta-ta! till our next Conjunction ! —=E FAREWELL, OLD FRIEND! Last week died Mr. Taomas German Reep, who, with his clever rey the celebrated Entertainment which for ever so many years filled the Gallery of Illustration in Regent Street. With sporting tastes that would have qualified him for a mn 4 Spanker of private life, and with a knowledge of sail- ing a yacht that would have entitled him to the degree of Past Master of any small craft, he passed the aerate part of his existence in what was to saipaivann guapeniba Shania, appearing several times in course of an evening as somebody else, but invariably being found out as the uine Geemaw Reep, and as himself ‘Pa’ Keep” was really amusing. Mr. Punch has a kindly recollection of the *‘ Old Gallery Days,” and dedicates this “ par” to the p t memory of ** Pa’ Rexp.”

Grorex Joxrn’s Larest.—*‘ Yes ; five shil- lings dozen on ’ bottled wines, and Hock genus omne.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL it dl “SEEING ROBERTS.” Tae other night I witnessed the 165th performance of The Old Guard at the Avenue Theatre. Where would The Old Guard be without Mr. Anraur Roperts? Nowhere. Certainly not at the Avenue Theatre. the ie way of busi-| sy ean ot out of a enor; and, We Fe worthy of his voice, I may sa) pes Scunz—Interior of Third Class Smoking Compartment, bearing. iss Manion Epecumss has a pretty face and a mezzo which should be her fortune. Miss Fawwy Wenrworrs is a lively Miss Hewnterre Potax, alluded to “ SmHaxsPeare as the “ Polak” — makes an uncommon) winty Bugler —a sort of Cherubino in French uniform. LARA GRAHAME only fails of completely identifying herself with the B he ny oy wane past of Lieutenant Vigoreuz, out of pure r the public, who, it evidently occurs to her, would be sorry to lose ‘sight entirely of Miss Crsna Gaaname. It is a question whether Mr. J. T. Dattas would not be more at home in serious Opera, than in these light French frivolities, which offer bat little soope to the magnificent ~~ of his voice, seldom heard, but always thorough! to his remarkable histrionic abilities, which would recall the da oof t Garrick, Tatma, and the elder Keaw— is, if anyone to recall them. Finally, the clever young lady, whom, for the nonce, I will call IxcoenttA, as her ma ee not in the Baym a rare instance of self-effacemen seeing that she represented — Br-GutT-¥ in the part of Follow-the-Drum), played and danced—she may have sung, too, but, if so, her voice me—capitally, was of considerable assistance to the ARTHUR Pranroy eh to whom, after allsaid and sung, I me nop this brilliant ensemble, the audience Se ge ly oe = he + ** droll creature,” as the ladies call him—is not on the stage. He certain! wonderful. I confess I laugh directly he x. “heard without; laugh when he winks; I laugh more w speaks, and, no matter what is going on upon the stage—and I - — to say I don’t think there is at any time any thrillingly in action in The Old Guard—the audience, on the grin, f Leapdhp eoneuteib oanedion: with their eyes everywhere, so as not to lose whatever he may take it into his head to do next. Like the Old Woman who “had so many, chi anh she didn’t know what to do,” Mr. Amruve Ros are his quaint ideas, ‘ean never be quiet.” *p + neues in always wide awake and up to the time of day. fun is distinctly quiet, so quiet indeed, that I Contralto, or whoever might Kors bos aging er cnt sage did not at first notice her companion’s ve business, of sewing for example—(inimitable !}—and, a indeed oad sixty nights ago, must have been considerably at the accorded to her song. On such occasions Mr. Ropers yn ¥ reminds me (eS See he aes > oe a fly while Mrs. Crummies was making her telling effect. To see Mr. Anruve ye -r4e brush the crushed Mr. a 9 pes de | mt Ig enn he Bee ~~ 6 the jug ing the maid in drawing beer, and i ment of pL. ay - on familiar terms with the bar-maid taking see him a letter, part in a concerted piece General Arr Roberts coming to the apport of the pretending (he is always “ pertending” like children sing his part out of a folio of the Code™ i offers to the tenor as if it pagel the Oratorio,—to see him doing all this, and have forgotten, is so irresistibly comic, laughter, tnd ‘no one cates whether i Young Guard, or or The Other G in | from the stage for more than five minutes. I there is & eee chance for the otherwise a, a Datxas, AnTHvurR Roperts shows how this art he certainly should be a master, as the —— ee entire set t foi P.S.—I cannot offer any the theatre crow could side of the orchestra close to the big drum, open +4 wiye, composed wi hand, tha retreat at the end of the Second A: heard that General Anruvre is at his iit LAH VOCES POPULI. First | Passenger, apparently a small Suburban Tradesman, of a full and paar rable habit, seated by window. To him 6 ad seedy but burly Stranger, in a state of muzzy affability, with an under-suggestion of quarrelsomeness. The Stranger (leaning Sorward mysteriously). Yer saw that gentleman I was a’ torkin’toasI gotin? Did yer know ’oo he was! | First Passenger (without hauteur, but with the air of a Person who sets a certain value on his conversation). Well, he didn’t look | much like the Archbishop of CaNTERBURY. The 8. He’s a better man than ’im/ That was Brasner, the | middling ae he giv me the orfice straight about Kriirvay and Surrron, he First P. (interested, as a lover of the Noble Art of Self Defence), | Ah! did he, though ? | The 8. He did; I went up to him, and I sez, ‘‘ Excuse me,” | sez, like that, I sez, ‘“ but are you an American, oraGerman?” | First P. (with superiority). He wouldn’t like that—being taken | for a German. The 8. (solemnl ly). Those were my very words! And he ser, | gate, =o ene, and then I knoo ’oo ’e was, d’ye see? 80 (hazily) one word "brought up another, and we ot a torkin’. If I was to tell you I’d seen Kauivay, I should be ’ yer a lie! First P. Well, I won " ask you to do that, The 8. (firmly). Nor I wouldn’t. But you’ve on’y to look at Suirron to see ’e’s never ’ad a smack on the ’ed. ow, there’s Sutton—’e’s a good man, ’e is—’e is a good — sl Look ’ow that feller knocks “isself about! Butif I was to pass be this—Krxirvan ’s in it for science, he ain tn it in it to you may take that from me ! First P. (objecting to be treated as an ingénu). It’s not the first | time I’ve heard of it, by a long a The 8. Ab! and it’s the truth, the Bible trath ( putting ~ hand is | on First P.’s knee). Now, you b’leeve w I’m a’goin’ to tell yer? | First P. (Ais dignity a little ruffed). I will—if it’s an ing in ress. The 8S. It’s this: My opinion of Kritrvaw and Sutton’s this— | Sutton brought Kritivan out. I’m on’y tellin’ yer from ’earsay, | like; but I know this myself—one lived in ’Oxton, and the other | down Bermondsey way. ’E’s got a nice little butcher's business | there at this present moment ; and ’e’s a mug if ’e turns it up! First P. (axiomatically). ). Every man’s a mug who turns 4 business u The &. sort o’ people, neither, I can tell yer dessay, now, _—— 8 put to‘the test, wee ATE man—no more than I am myself? First P. ether flattered). Well—that ’s as may be. The 8. Bat I b’leeve yer to be a man o’ the world, although I don’t know First P. (modestly). I used to be in it at one time. The 8. (confidentially). 1’m in it now. Tdon't got my livia’ by it, though, mind yer. ma mechanic, I am—to a certain extent. *ve been in America. There’sa country now—they don’t over-tax ky they wreedihctieall ). There you”ave touched a point—we’re cowie tal com common aan dg Why, this very tobacco Pim cating $. Telkin o ’ of terbaccer, I don’t mind ’aving a pipe along with yer coe of eirdial ested: (handing his pouch with a happy and condescension.) There you are, then. = right! And ony i it ain’t all ’oney with that

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL betes ll men Py La waa i ‘ gee i Ar; (FE , : WHAT OUR ARTIST HAS TO PUT UP WITH. ‘*Tars is your Morner’s Porrratr, my titrrte Man, Do you THINK IT Like!” ‘* Yzs—VERY—ALL BUT THE Face!” SIR ROGER DE COVERLEY ON THE SITUATION. Communicated by the Shade of the ‘* Spec'ator.” (* When the establishment of County Boards has reduced the administra- tive power of the Justices to zero, the ancient glory of Quarter Sessions will bo gone, and one of the main reasons of the applications now made to the Lord Lieutenant of the County for the Commission of the Peace will be found to have disappeared When Magistrates cease to manage the business of their County, they will cease also to care for its official honours.’’ Escorr’s England (£4. 1881), Ch. iv. p. 47.] “ Hae memini, et victum frustrda contendere Thyrsin.” Vrrew, Bucol. Eel. vii. 69. “ The whole debate in memory I retain, When Thyrsis argued warmly, but in vain.” To revisit—as our great Dramatist expresseth it—“ the glim of the moon,” is a privilege which, though it hath its looame aan assuredly is attend ed at times by a certain draw of spiritual pain at once po: t and pathetic. Of all the ancient haunts which I love, when permitted, to to, the dearest to me is that walk of ancient elms, at distance from what was once Sir Kocxr’s house, i standing ruins of an old abbey, and amidst whose lofty tops rooks and crows of generation still, as of old, “ cawing in another region.” It still lies—and now, it mu a with greater show of reason—under the ill report of bein un an ating 0 wollte natn lanqnege of onl i a homend comes spontaneously to shadowy lips—in place, night, between the hours of nine and ten, and could not with my old and fleshy self of the dear days of the—alas! Queen Awwe, that it was one of the most proper scenes i for a ghost to appear in. The walk of elms, with the i ravens which from time to time are heard from the of them, looks exceedingly solemn and venerable. One might almost fancy that, like their human analogues and counterparts, t y were croakin mournfully at the prospect of the destruction and disappearance more venerable even than themselves, and at least as solemn. As I was walking in this solitude, I became aware of the fact that FRE Fe nae it was a solitude no longer. The shade of my friend, Sir Roozr vz CovERLEY, was at my side, making his proximity known by a low sigh, soft as the rustling of sprin ves, sad as the scarcely audible voice of the gentle night-wind which stirs them. The good old Knight was musing upon the same subject that at the moment absorbed my own meditations. ** You once proposed, Mr. Spzecrator,” said he, ‘‘that the honest men of all parties should enter into a kind of association for the defence of one another, and the confusion of their common enemies. | Of late, sensible men and sober citizens of all parties have been | rejoicing that your scheme seemed nearer than ever before in pros- pect of realisation. And with what result? I understood the drift of the worthy Knight’s thoughts, and the point of his piteous question, ‘‘ You have been perusing,” said I, with respectful sympathy, “the ingenious Mr. Rrronre’s new- fangled scheme of County Administration as set forth in his Local | Government Bill?” “Indeed, yes,” sighed Sir Roczr. “And what is it—to adopt | your own comparison owed from Droporus Sicutvs—but a poli- tical crocodile-egg, the egg of Revolution? Would,” he added bitterly, ‘‘ that some parliamentary ichneumon could be found to break it, ere it be hatched into the horrid edacious monster which it bids fair to bring forth !” ; “If we look into the behaviour of ordinary partisans,” I replied, in the same tone, *‘ we shall find them now, as in our time, far resembling this disinterested animal.” E ** Disinterested!” cried the Knight, indignantly, “ Disinterested- ness is as dead as her Most Gracious Majesty Queen Anve herself.’ I observed of old that I found the Knight a much stronger Tory in the country than in the town. I find him a much stronger Tory in the Shades than even in the country. “Sir AwpREw Freeport,” pursued Sir Roogr, ‘‘ would doubt- less welcome this curious birth of an insincere Coalition. He ws | ever more inclined to the moneyed than to the landed interest. | | know, Mr. Spectator, that you are a wary man, and do not care to talk of public matters. But doth not this monstrous menace to the established repute and time-honoured influence of the Country Gentleman move even you to indignant revolt?” I was ever more desirous to soothe than to excite, to compose party |

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~ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI—Arnit 7, 1888, “TS LIFE WORTH LIVING?” Mr. B. (reads Doctor's directions). “EH! WHAT’S THIS? INTERFERE WITH MY RIDING!—REDUCE MY THREE PER CENTS! !—CUT DOWN MY CHAMPAGNE!!!—~’PON MY WORD!!!!” ee

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| apart 7, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

opinions ich a man should assent to one side or the other. 6 refuses to settle w this temper of mi ony determination, ry = ul to avoid errors gespeessetene. | It fo with “I am very glad to see you,” Comic Chancellor that I consider the subject which so aroused my enter his sanctum. eee! oe in you toad sm , a expected mean to wrath. to the proceedings of the County Sessions with much atten diate og iadnitely pleased with that t appearance and so! wh of our laws. cried the worthy Knight, hotly, * all that is to be , revolutionised, without reason, and, as the St. James's Gazette—an admirable journal, Sir, quite after my own asserts, without necessity, and in the absolute absence of any call from the Country y, wantonl gratuitous! “Tf I mistake not, Sir ER, t and permanent because 3 invisible. The raseally red a blustering Bardolph, is often more nigh Quorum, fill the Chair at Quarter co-operate in County administration wi 1 sit on these new-fangled jowl with the Tom Tou i tionary Cobblers, and not a true Tory Squire, or sound lican divine.” “ But surely, Fe Roerr,” oaid 1s rds te wah of these ce, be present at one hance make such an you deliver at the assembly, give himself a figure in the County, abash parvenu insolence, which your patriotic what we agreed u jected ‘ who ‘shou merit by throwing down the countervail the of that a Member of the Society we pro- that they pay as much an estate, as < ry man of ' bs ; aed ony sath, howe lney than ane it may be, that, is |i Chancellor and his pupil, followed ndred a year who do pay Ay my bie as indignant | Saracen’s Head,” as his own benign physiognomy. He was about) Iw this month’s Men and Women of the Da i consonant, I am sure, with his|give, as the three ‘* Contemporary Portraits,” the Carat rate—as always, either in or out of « picture), between the wate them. There are some neuter, without engaging his GEORGE JOKIN. is absolutely necessary in a

ich so properly accompanies such ! Infamous! year.” and I indulged the pleasure of a | S878 the jest is of first-rate quality. be less in reality than in ce, or will be | 20t mind smi ourse pet and influences none the less | Secretary. Thank you.” Then the Cabinet Minister becomes graver as he removes a cover- ¢ Smper H - : pursued, in the same concilia- —— 3s “J'* joke?” ourself were called upon to serve as Sheriff of the | Call this a“ Pleasure Horse!” Thus Sach a hovering faith as this, which (Chez Las.) me to be a peer—I Pr” Jead Sane ag the Bight lor one of challenged, the into a shout of merriment, and On his own , in taking (i ‘ou it is em s duty to to his ), in taking that Chancellor informs that it is his duty to listen to and figure and behaviour to advantage. applaud his jokes. For this he receives a y y i should not do so now.” No sinecure post, I can assure you, al there ‘s no wri I’ “‘it’may well be that this Revolution, like | sbout it. in spite of its being called signy cure! Perhaps you w i i If at my jokes in the absence of my Laughing e . face of Revolution, like that of | ing from what to be a framed sampler. : aaeted ok thi tere threatening than formidable.” * Here is my ith his and the | #ithough Mr. WrwpHam was , “a patriot’s duty is to serve his ected ty Councils, : Pro) iri ee I -_ believe I have a gift for waggery. : , tly lik County cheek-by- | the Prussian capital, that might be said to be no Criterion.” blican Scribblers, the revolu- The Criterion is the name of Mr. Wrwpuam’s London theatre, a by repu a3 ” other the tagrag and bobtail of Mob-election ? | i# it not? ; Awxprew Freeport, with his trade instincts and Yes; and that was the pith of ef pleasantry. Had Mr. find himself at home in such company, 4 the have been unable to have given so much point to my jest.” How ever do you think of such clever things, with so many other worst pinch of her misfortunes, even at the — to attend to—for instance the Budget and the Conversion himself. Could such an one as yourself for | %"; I really cannot tell you. They come to me spontaneously. I Wrwpn a been the lessee, for instance, t, “a Country Gentleman of good descent when Mr. Wrropna, of the Criterion Theatre, was in Berlin. al estate, might of old, creditably and without loss of| ,, But have you not made another joke about Mr. Wrxpuam?” the i I have,” returns the Comic are og oy Airy said that e Theatre in Haymarket, I should ive “ seizes, how would he inform the| ;, Have you any works of reference?” “= —— —s his credit) 4, CHAMBERLAIN?” A great many—but my favourite assistant is Joszxreu——” conceit, and| ,, . and disasters No, Miller, dear old Joe!” and here the Comic Chancellor took marks from afar! _ arn Sir, | down a well-worn volume labelled “‘ Joe Miller.” himself in making room for and ‘Have you made any recent puns?” “Oh, yes. Only the other day when ved part of man- | ™Y taking a penny off the Income Tax, I observed I thought it using A **that feuds between the wealthy Dear me, I am afraid t in this country, are very fa’ ’ have a pupil wns for me—a w hen turning Weation of life to which they have some- | cusht to be called the Outgo Impost, as everyone had to pay it! t advanced, and all this without regard to his private aay | took three days in contriving that impromptu.” interest,’ would be no small eally | Sir Rooer fetehed a deep sigh, and fell into a or Room Seta fit of musing. At this point a servant gives the Comic Chancellor a card. ou know, Sir, can afford you no more of my time. I ell-known divine. Iam < to the messenger, he adds, ** dazzled with riches, | Will excuse me.’ 41° fo Do anaes with riches his Grace into the study, and ask my Laughing Secretary to accom~- understanding of a man of , the hardl ht to| pany me.” me And as you leave this Home of Wit, you hear the grave tones of ys Raa usr corey ¥ forced merriment of the hing Secretary: ee in t.”’ at intervals by

softened until it was scarcely = visage I had lately —— THREE ’S COMPANY. paint-transformed sign most unusual for him ;

ight Hon. Josern CHAMBERLAIN and the eminen wn the elms rendered necessary what, in panes diction, would | Mr. Herxserr Srencer. Our J . ourable, but unfortunately he is %j Messrs. Bannavp iss Ertew Teeny metaphysician t ceurn locke quite the is yn perhaps ted to give his otherwise life-like portrait a touch of novelty. The Metaphysical “ Sir,—The other day, walking i Third Party looks exactl whet he is, hard- determined 4 he Y, the domain of chology. prepee of epee, the neighbourhood of Waltham Cross, I came sudden! the | spocalator—in n erected heobi r. SPENCER himself records that this situation for our lumbering old out his work on Beiology, whe we He works for love, not bstructionist friend pleases f I onl; eek tok wey 7 | that there is not much Cupidity ha dropped £4000 coupe sp at Part

povEtion TO BE PUT BY Mr. Cuapioe To THE CHANCELLOR OF THE CHEQUER.—" Are Towel-horses and Clothes-horses to be taxed ?” and very

“Mavor” Revisep sy Goscues.—" The Horse is a noble animal useful to” —the Exchequer.

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166 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Aram 7, 1888, LIABLE TO BE MISUNDERSTOOD. ‘Aon, Fraiitern! I mar von ze Last Zetr!!” , ‘*Reatty, Herr ScummT! WEL, I HEARTILY CONGRATULATE YOU ON YOUR GREAT Feat!” AN ADMIRALTY DITTY. (Re-written up to Date.) Wuex Britain first at Heaven’s command Arose from out the azare main, No doubt she did not understand She soon might sing the sad refrain— : “What? Brarrawnia? Barrawnta rule the waves? Not while Britons trust to fools or knaves!”’ In practice everything goes wrong, It cannot cause thee much surprise . To hear thus thy famous pe ** Poor Barranwnra !|—she’ll never rule the waves, Till the Board fill their official graves!” When ugly facts are hid away. And ball on paper sails thy feet ; When published when lead astray, Who’ll not thy new refrain ho . ** Blind Berrawnta! How can she rule the waves? While to systems Britons will be slaves!” And so, when foes, long watching thee, Combined, together on thee fall, Although ‘* My Lords” may go scot Twill then be little use to bawl, “What? Barranwyia? Berrannta rule the waves? Not while Britons swear by fools or knaves!” C. B-R-sF-RD. _*Eanty Sxnvices.”—Aecording to a recent official circular, the L. C. & D. Company are setting a brilliant example to the clergy of all denominations by the earli- ness and frequency of their services at St. Paul’s,—the Station not the Cat The services to Camber and a lot of places along that line, including Walworth— ‘* the Company,” says an American friend, * having found the experiment Wal worth the trouble’”’—commence at 4154.m. And from Herne Hill to St. Paul’s there’s a service at 3°30 a.m. Up with the lark, forsooth! Why, the Lark’s not “‘in it” with the L.C. & D. Co.! W well, we are but worms of the earth, and therefore to be on and — up by such an Early Bird as the L. C. & D. Co. These Early Services are indeed worthy of the very Earliest Christians. ADAPTED TO CIRCUMSTANCES. Str,—I am watching the case of ‘‘ Little Lord Fauntleroy” with some anxiety, as, if it goes against the defendant, I shall find myself in an awkward predicament. I happen to have adapted for stage purposes, without — the permission of the author, a popular Three-volume Novel. I must honestly say I os my own opinion, I have vastly improved it; but if, in spite of , the decision now pending is given in favour of the originator of the work, what, I ask, is to become of me? For it seems that, though my right to dramatise the Novel will not be questioned, any attempt made by me to distribute their respective parts to the actors will held illegal, and the sending a copy to the Lorp CHAMBERLAIN will be absolutely forbidden. This, Sir, will place me under the necessity not only of teaching the actors orally, but oblige me to hold of the Lozp CoamBeR.ain, and, whether he will or no, the entire piece aloud to him. Now, how am I to execute the first portion of this task? Am I to button-hole first this actor and then that, and continve dinning their parts into their ears, unti succeeded in leaving at least some of their words in their heads? What of the actor who is accustomed to y in bed in the morn- ing ? Am I to pounce on him before he gets up, and refuse to | him stir till he has heard me go through his part several times? The entire matter is beset with difficulties. Could I take the entire company on a pic-nic in an omnibus, and read the play to them the who way there and back, or could I ask them all to dinner every day for a month, and get through as much as they would stand of it at a time at dessert “No, it’s no use calling for help; you are away, and get through it at one sitting as fast as I could, or should I in on him at odd moments like a sort of Paui Pry, and remark- ing pleasantly, *‘ Now you ’Ilhear a little bit more to-day, won’t you?” get through the matter in instalments by sheer force of pushing, and taking him at a disadvantage when he’s not expecting it ? Bat to tell you ‘the truth, I am not at all ine about my success with the Licenser, even if I am able, which I don’t exactly see how I shall be, to carry matters through successfully with the company. Perhaps though, the pending decision may not involve a recourse to some of the above suggestions. If, however, it does, I assure you, Sir, I s think twice before I again meddle with the work of the mere Novelist, and invest it unsolicited with the dignity and originality that can alone be imparted to it by Yours, at present in some dilemma, Tue Dramatic ADAPTER. ON THE LAWN, (By @ Puzzled Wooer.) Sue ’s really very pret I wonder now what ever And ful—not a doubt ; She can be laughing at She’s ever, too, and witty, Her soft tones are delicious But I can’t quite make her out. “As she turns again to speak’; Iam her t admirer ; But really I’m suspicious 2 A omy Ue be poe Of that dimple in her cheek. at I’m rai ire her, : : And she’s thinking me a bore. me ae a woe ah ) We’re sitting here together ; Like softest—there, confound it! To leave she ’s just re What can amuse her now ? So I think I'll ask her whether— | Now she looks somewhat grander, No—why’s she so amused ? Which gives an added charm. Her red lips, pursed demurely, Who cares to understand her ? a aor i — a ; For laughter does no harm. evity 18 Sur : . ’Tis her saucy nature merely ; Shown in her quivering chin. From mischief laughter flows. Blue eyes, so bright and clever, |Ilove her? Ah, how dearly! Sparkle beneath her hat— Then shall I? Yes, here goes! “‘Osstrication oF THE Daama!l”—The revival of the sporting racing play, The Run of Luck, at Drury Lane. a

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Aram 7, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 167

oi iY |e ‘ (i ‘fA I y We

) | NSS 5 a Sy € a im : Wy ! SEN Ne uM will | ‘ | 4 fi ) y aA ¢ ( i : <a" Al iM es <a ol. { it 5) i side ; Lt. Aeucetia:s give ep «haben patent th, thes tah him. GoscHEN a ops Any eg , first one side, then the other. Looked as i he were going to put on table water, and was laying in erable stores at old rates. A prodigious speech ! aan Doe sae nin as intricate. be pee ne aine & of principles —- out. hey won’t want me any more, Tos,” he said, “when I saw him mane as usual — an thay we avollag = . “and 'f fact * I = my yin boldly than fan do. One week we have a Radi adie! Loa ment Bill, the next a Democratic Bodest. Bf aT Chancellor of the Exchequer takes off the Hawkers’ Licence claps five —_—- on cham be, 8 what you may call burning the candle (" pe em and twice act according! a: half Only, as he’s ocracy at

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Aram 7, 1888.

TT P,P Forgan intention satis, When GoscHEn came to section speech where thed uw) champagne sixpence a bottle, the ‘countenance of roysterers si m near fell. Porren’s face, on i sunny smile that contrary, i cast roseate hue over ‘olds of white , ae tup?” a ou like to see put up said Faxevnansoy, eyeing jc oyter’ss : “— 't said “* Pve laid ti pom me ‘T’ve laid ina . my boy—ail 1880.” wtp! ”» care, brought in Tuesday.— Sa Old sitting w be adjourn- ment. But they don’t know everything on on reasur more business than that kept House at it up Laid in a Good Stock.” tovery limits of ; , a 7 possible exten- sion of Morning Sitting. Quite a heavy debate on work of Land Commission in Ireland. RanpotpH said a few last words before Recess to comfort Ministry. So did Giapstonx. This opened fresh opportunity for ArTHuR BaLrour to show his profound scorn for d and the Irish. At last Orders run through, and, Motion for Adjournment over Holidays made. Then Irish Question broke out in fresh place. That ink of Irish chivalry, Tay Pay, came to the front, and bludgeoned ALFOUR. J. F._X. O’Buren fixed Chief Secretary with his flashing eye. Dick Power — Where is Dick ‘owER, by the way ?—once told me that X. in these initials stands for Executioner, O’ Buren havin twenty years ago, been senten to death for high treason.) Talk went on to half-past six, ten minutes to seven, if debate still in progress, House must needs meet again at nine. Easter Holidays in ger. House in such emergency looks trustfully to Old Morality. Evidently on the pounce this hour past. e down at half-past six. WutL1aM REDMOND just risen to lement Tay Pay’s exhibi- tion of what Ireland can produce in these degenerate days. Old Morality’s extinguisher promptly popped on, and expectant holiday- makers breathed again. , From beneath extinguisher, truculent voice of MOND ex- claiming, ‘*‘ Why don’t you let me answer the Chief Secretary?” Pretty to see Old Morality wink. Not used to indulge in such exhi- bitions of levity. But W. Repmonp under extinguisher had so exactly hit the point. ‘Let him answer “ Looking Daggers.” the Chief Secretary!” Why, if — sgpentenity had been eupplied, Chief Secretary would have been ttered, Government would have toppled down, and chaos would ve come. — if we know it,” said Old Morality’s wink, as plainly as if it spoke. Closure carried. Motion for Adjournment agreed to. House went off for Easter Holidays.

Novetty uy “ Parrr Par.” —Bovtaneer’s New Réle. Apply to the Boulangerie Co., Limited.

THE BUDGET. Mz. Puncu, Srz,— Having devoted one whole day to endeavouring to fathom the numerous pasehe of the last new B which required more than four hours’ elaborate descrip- tion by its talented and knowing author to explain to an entranced House of Com- mons, I can now, Sir, in accordance with your suggestion, explain the whole mat- _ ter so clearly and so explicitly, that the < conventional Schoolboy can onsughey * comprehend it. The whole secret of its brilliant success is its simplicity. Itwas | ed, as we all know, especially un- ~ ortunate Bondholders, by the attempt to make the simplicity of the 3 per cents. atlas more simple by reducing them to the still sweeter pam ag ty 2%, and the success of this brilliant idea being once assured, reat followed as a matter of course. ms First came the startling announcement that the great Magician from the land of Goshen: had to deal with an enormous surplus of ould | no less than £2,165,000!and the delighted House prepared to listen with rapture to the announcement of the many nuisances in the shape of taxes that were about to be remitted. But the great Magician waved his wand, and ‘behold the whole of this enormous surplus, and something more, was to be devoted to the relief of the | something or somebody that his colleague, Mr. Rircure, had tried to explain a few nights previously, though with only very partial success. Having thus satisfactorily cleared the ground, first by creating an enormous surplus, and then by bidding it vanish into thin air, the political Prospero again set to work to conjure up an imaginary surplus to replace that so curiously disposed of, and here his genius for simplicity had full play. He first began by introducing the novel idea that all carts should be charged by weight, and proposed 2s. as ewt. as an experiment; but the Agricul party groaning at this kindly suggestion, he at once consented to except agricul- tural carts, this distinction to be ascertained by the inscription on such carts in black letters on a white ground. ‘* This here Cart isa agricultural one principally confined to Taters and Turmuts.” This I was told in confidence by an Irish Member. __ } Another new idea had dawned upon the financial Wizard, so having taxed carts, he next proceeded to tax wheels, and that too at the rate of 2s. 6d. a wheel, if over 2 cwt. I am not a hig Bry men judge in these matters, but I should have thought that few cart- wheels would weigh over 2 cwt., but of course he knows what he was talking about. Brewers are to be treated rather severely, as they will be taxed both for weight and wheels, and will have to pay about £300,000! Poor Meouenet The next brilliant idea was to tax all leasure horses 20s. each, and all racehorses £5 each; so racing utcher boys will have to be careful. I am glad to see that the tax upon Hawking is to be altogether abolished, but I do pity the poor Duke of St. ALBANS, as I really do not see how they can continue his salary after that. Why poor Wine Merchants should have to pay 5s. per dozen on wine, if sold in bottles, and nothing at all if sold in flagons or hogsheads, I cannot understand, but rich financiers are always hard upon poor retailers. The one point in the whole mysterious matter that I do understand thoroughly is that the Income Tax is to be reduced to the sweet simplicity of 6d. in the pound, which I am very much pleased with, as it makes the calculation of how much one has to pay so much more simple. I do not sufficiently understand about companies’ registra- tion fees, or stamps on foreign securities, to know how they will operate and on whom, but having devoted two hours to ‘caloalating how the new Budget will affect me, I arrive at the following result. I pe me £20,000 in the simple 3 per cents., which have produced me during the last twenty years £600 per annum, I will therefore say, Income . ° ° ° Loss on Conversion ° TaxonlHorse . ° »» 1 Carriage . e ° »» 4 Wheels, at 2s. 6d. . Wine, at 5s. per dozen, say ” ” 99 s® Saving 1d. in the Pound, Income Tax Nett Loss . ° e With this startling result staring me in the face, I feel considerable difficulty in joining heartily in the chorus of praise of the Bud that it took its author nearly four hours to explain, and the evi effects of which he could, of course, easily avoi Ms weliing out his Consols a month ago, and laying in a heavy stock wine. JosEPH GREENHORN,

«Pp NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS8., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. there will be no exception. To this rule

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| | Arrit 14, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 169 “ But if h twe The Jerry-builder_lea THE ODD-EYED ONE. OF ae sis uaogenl Sag, icon” AS District &: $ ’T would lessen one’s surprise, “ tory of a Flinn ’T would seem less strange. ; Wil join Bary beng aitende, “* An eagle orb applied To > gan Bee Biterenke . Ce ya Tagg ! she’sa aiken ‘o r wide ‘ Re Ae — oa ary Ms dos i — man——but stay ! ‘* A wall not underpinned, What is the matter, pray ? ‘ Foundatiems of foal slime, You don’t look look well.” uch eye is sure ¥ In proper time. The On Byed ape indeod, ** But if the mole-eye’s used This broke up Burt’s Big Feed, On Jerry-work (of him His guests did flit. Who ‘tips’ hath not refused) Ezexret “ eame round,” Its vision’s dim. | Butwhatstrucksomeasstrange, ‘*Muek-mortar, crumbling brick, | His rare bey straightway found, * B ad drainage, fetid sy Req change. _ oe He was not long a stayer ay og look. 2 ast ene-in-the Dirt, ** Whilst it, perchance, perceives — its new Surveyor The fee aD tapered nr Is Peter Burt. =e ‘ll i) of We We Or one Ezexrzt 8: I have a tale to tell: A man od mag bs arts and pith; I knew No man was more a Or talkier, or gayer, Of Deepdene-in-the-Dirt District Surveyor. Ezexr&1 had two eyes One blue, the other brown, seemed to scan the skies, And one looked down. A curious kind of squint! And of these optics ay One read the cmaliegh pele Without a strain! The other ane the ery a race-glass, but close Saw | hese ig Teng was strange) Odd-eyed Ezexren In ed, And did it pusing we: so men said. Are men of nerve and phlegm ; The man of the odd = Satisfied them. Phat ter eon ‘So with the men who lived Upon Ground Rent. The tenants only—such ey murm: very m ‘And all the while. They said the drains would smell, They s said the floors'would creak, They said the doors would swell, The roofs would leak. Aretenants. Pooh-pooh’d their plaints as ‘‘rot, % Their woes ignored. * last a tenant came We LR a i he ty 5 iS A humorist, his name Was Perer Burr. He very soon made friends With everybody round. A smiling wit—who spends— Is seldom found. He had a genial face Inclining men to chat, He soon had all the place Beneath his hat. One day he gave a feed. Churehwarden MicwaxEt Port Sei ‘* This ’ere chap indeed ‘Well knows wot’s wot.” ** An excellent repast ! ”’ Said Mr. Roacu, the Rector, “A 1,” said Lemvet Last, Nuisance Inspector. As for the Odd- cling a, mon with a swe : he ia — twas nea one— e health of Bex. peach, ERS Siler inh 78 It is my lory Nev eer io make «mech P ‘* Nature has wondrous wa In her all wit’s embodied,”” He said, and fixed his gaze Upon "the Odd-Eyed. “* A man is not a fly, ( Or so says by feb Whose poems e bye You wre hope . = “* But Nature can om Be Man’s vision to his need, (You, all of you, I trust, Your Darwiy read,) “ You possibly might think That man an optic ninn Who could not see—that And cou/d—this —s (He pointed to the door ereon a yawning To Deepdene-in-the-Dirt, i mh half an inch, or more, ni zig-zag track. ) AUSTRALIA VICTRIX. } ad is Fe yp A its oF bo with a oe sev gunboa Rag ge he torpedo craft. —and rt hg Lo rely to to her 7 ai y-4 Mel- SS ie will in pay bpeny oad ail, of pec control of the Southern Seas. yo in our if we have any, we teen Anctralion 2 naval con contingent, as well as a mili one—only can a thing which exists be call contingent? And if some of the der would the eeds the largest fleet. Then will follows tealthy 7 ‘oe South Wales will try to vie with Victoria—Q out-torpedo both. Federation is the thing—to prevent the nifferat ren Colonies from being at Southern Cross-purposes when they all have their own navies, The Cry of the Connoisseur. I tree a good Jan Van Beers, T do, I’m partial to true Jan Van Beers; But when I’m informed that his Pictures i in hosts Are signed by his Valet and painted by ‘‘ ghosts,” I cry out on false Jan Van Beers! Tour pz Swerrt.—Mr. Puno, the clever author of Sweet Laven- der, complains, in a letter to Mr. ‘Mor THomas, who commands the Daily News Theatrical Column, that pel Sa a Nasty Ong,” has found a da fanlt w _ his pla: Barrister, robes in and wears his bands, or ‘ band” oe Mr. » prefers fers to ¥ Bite) over his scarf. Mr. Provrro ests that now the Law from Westminster to Strand’ all Chambers, and only a few Common La Mr. PuorEro is . Long was abolished, the Equity havi Inn, robed in their Chambers, but the vast majori' Law men on the active list then, as now, Porgro should roval of his outta. Comedy—a reference to “‘ A Onz’s” little re-arrangement to become practically ect. Perrine at Perry ot Magistatee past bo amu the go a ney Chronicle, the Brentwood age ogiond few days s since a labourer was t a ag three of th of esse wih Messrs. Petre (in the chal}, Ny f stealing six pounds of beef, ote our Yl onan porary, the Bench “‘ gave him the benefit of Poy donbt, the Chairman jm me him to more in the future.” No doubt, in ‘reported cases” this decision will coud with the celebrated ™ it, ** Not guilty, be but don’t do it again.” From his proneness to blow people up it might be thought that the full name of the Chairman should be Salt Perze, were it not evident that Simple Perzz or Perre Simple would be equally appropriate.

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170 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Aram 14, 1888, DON \ 2 ee a: Aan BZ CML, “A A RESPONSIBILITY. *'On—a—I’m corsa To A Fancy Bau as DAwy, You KNow. oF MATERIAL WOULD YoU sUGGEST FoR A Gown!” TO OUR VOLUNTEERS, . rom, —_, Rien, Se Q - orm, pre protect your QUEEN ~~ = u n, Wimbledon year my dear boys, or m’s big-wigs it greatly annoys, And moveth Guenen RaNncER to leen. Spite of stinginess, snub, and official rebuke, Form !—It’s your duty to Country and Queen, But if you seek aid from a great Royal Dake, By wBe you must be jolly green! No, shift the rifle-range, pack up the tent : You might fight the Russian, you cannot fight Rent! Ss — eG WT, ee: = 135 eS A VOICE FROM PATNA. “Justice to”—no, not Ireland, though there is a Pat in Patna—but justice to Mr. Tayier, of Patna, is what ee eg a must — of the Government. mes, in the course of a powerful stating fhe case clearly last Friday, told os that Mr, Oommise sioner TAYLER is now eighty-one years of on the principle “It is never too late to mend,” appeals to the Government to remove the stigma on Mr. Ta and “redress the great and scandalous injustice which,” for thirty years, ‘‘he has been the victim.” All who have read the narrative will say the same; and Mr. Punch trusts that the present Government will lose no time in giving us a splendid illustration of ** Sartor Resartus.” A REMINISCENCE, CHAMPAGNE GoscHEN is my name! CHAMPAGNE GoscHEN is my name! Good for any sort of tax, dear boys, Put it on to wheels and pleasure hacks, my boys, CHAMPAGNE GOSCHEN is my name | Beautiful to look on is my game! Good for — of tax, my boys! Oh, that’s the little game of Joxm’ G. ! “Happy Rervrns.”—Mr. Henny Irvine and Miss Eten Terry reappear on Saturday next at the Lyceum. | They have come in excellent health and spirits, although he is feeling uncommonly dollarous. Miss is brimming over with good stories about all parts, even Waar xrxp |the wildest, of America. In fact she is quite a new edition of Backwoods Misselleny. [— on MADAME LA REPUBLIQUE. The purple, the tricolor? Peace will she cry, Or rouse at the summons to arm? (Imitated, at @ respectful distance, from Owen Meredith's “'‘ Madame La Attractive she is to the coldest beholder, Marquise,” Tue folds of her short-skirted latter-day dress A. .- over her chaise-longue, fall on fall, e lounges in languorous ess, With a smile—and a frown—for all. On her petulant face there’s a boding shade, As her P ian cap in the air she flings. Bhe is Seed ee tenet herself, I’m afraid: In the firelight sparkle her rings. As she lolls,—pesvish fire in her Pompadour eyes Through her Rebab-thread lips, starred to petiish replies, er = ps, 8 pe Breaks the gleam of white tigeriah teeth. As she lolls,—where your eye, by her beauty subd Droops—trom under the pery scanty and ane The neatest of feet, sabot-slipper’d, protrude, Till one shoe she flings off—as in spite. As one bends o’er her bosom to tell her the news, A moue mutine she makes; she is charmingly chic, But what, had she really the power to choose, She would fix upon, vainly you’ ll seek. So she sits in the fire’s swiftly-flickering light, With a flickering smile, like Spring sunshine on flowers ; Ennuyée to death, you would say, weary quite Of life and its pleasures and powers. What next? What new amant or mode may she try P What fashion for her has a permanent charm ? A beauty to fascinate even her foes ; But that fidgety foot, and that petulant shoulder, Speak much more of pique than repose. For eet sunlight some swear she is made, To loll upon purple with insolent smile ; Yet fanatics of freedom and servants of trade Have successfully wooed—for a while. Can you find out her heart through that silk or that lace ? You have seen her in every description of . She’ll show Amazon bosom, or Baco face, But what her heart’s like can you guess? She has tried every man, every mode in her world, Soft Imperial sin, fierce Republican passion ; Still her weary red lips are with discontent curled ; Is she thinking of changing the fashion ? She is fair!—but, when angered, she yearns to taste blood ; She is sweet—but there ’s flame in her Lamia kiss. Will Mars or will Menad next master her mood ?-— Is it worth while to guess at all this ? Tue Grammar or Dissent.—The Scotch Professor—there is only one, and his name is Buackrze —has broken out again; this fime on oe rating 8 encta had gremeate—Ghidh to clip un, Thee an wro' grammar—which is qui are lots of —— | worth thousands who have risen—risen from the ranks—far above Lixptey Murray. The Professor doesn’t believe ia coneen Se Mn ag in soul.” This is a a Evi- en r. BLACKIE is the grandly contradi personage who would prefer the ‘‘ three are note”’ to the “ R's.’

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., Apnm 14, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 171 MOST IMPORTANT; OR, HOW WE INTERVIEW NOW. (Despatch from our Extra-Special High-Pres- sure Correspondent. ) Panis, April 1. I am writing this, hurriedly, in a dark and draughty corner of General BouLan- GER’s corridor. I am writing it on a pecu- liar page—I may say a of history. In other words, one of the eral’s pages, & little Hebrew in battens, +. ~ —e~ a or upon w: write, as on a Should this MS. be difficult to pee, yon will that it is was not among those he received first. When I passed into the salon, I found the General — standing looking at a lot of meron g hs of himself. His motto is evi- ently Nosce teipsum. His back was turned towards me as I entered. oh ae tee his position while I remained. He simply his left shoulder at me now and again, almost with courtesy. His back singularly — i ; emphatically the back of a Frenchman with a future in front of him, and an interviewer behind him. ** Shall go to the Nord yourself, M. le of the shoulder, ery principle ¢ principle may or may not require my presence. I net,’ principle ?” I pursued. is a ” said the y: = sine Greck philosopher said so, did he nets he General’ T cried, deprecatingl ’ epreca ’ ‘the people are of a different opinion. r¢ least you are an tdol. Anyhow, can you give me your idea of Revision ?” (With explosive animation.) ‘That is my secret. keep it to myself. Don’t ou wish you ma: it P” e Again i Thankee him with effusion for i e General or an in the constitution of that re” bo led letting os"hk pak hana rep a es bourgeois face in a mirror. Make what you can of that. I can’t tell you any more.” ** Pardon me, M. le Général, if I say that your attitude—a very fine one, and most tary, I am sure—reminds me of Mr. GLapsToNE when le try to draw him with regard to Home Rule plans. He says he won’t be led into a trap. ‘The Old Parliamentary Hand is right,” the General. ‘‘I’m only a Young but you won’t play a?” == = SS wy BISMARCK FORBIDS THE BANNS! I’m not going to almost exci ) they are ripe. I shall unriddle them myself B to my own Sphinx. I’ve already put my policy into a nutshell, which let them crack w can. If I claimed to be the Saviour of ty I should be a madman; if I didn’t make ready for that ré/e I should be a fool.” ‘Delphic, indeed!” said I. ‘‘ And now, as to the state of the Army, Général?” ** Subject tabooed ! ”’ said the General, curtly. ‘* Besides, I’m a civilian now, know.” **Ononly the retired list, M. le Général,” said I, with native archness. ‘' Free to pley the Gamserra in Politics ; free also, at a military crisis, to play the Naporzon in the field. I think you’ve scored twice there.” ioc is “Got ’em both,” said the General, epigrammatically, looking at a comic billiard-sketch on e wall. “And meanwhile, M. le Général,” said I, insinuatingly, ‘‘ what shall you do?” : **T shall reserve my plans, and I shall wait. You needn’t,” he added, with emphasis, turning towards me, for the first time, right foot foremost,—lI didn’t | ive myself away” (with i enimation, and owinging bis ight foot fait Why should I 9 If you declare your ) they are riddled before comes. I prefer to play ene Parliamentary Hand, the political palmist with me, I can tell you. Ecementary Teacuers.—Bitter Easterly winds, Blackthorn winter, cold, frost, snow. and hailstorms, sleet, cyclones, and blisrards, , j

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172 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. [Aram 14, 1888.

MR. PUNCH’S VERY QUEER STORIES. PROFESSOR GUINEAFAT’S FIRST LECTURE. Ir ae a oe and select party that was assembled at the

yous wane ocpiiedl fi the company of these musical children of race, in whose performances he pe ape tt . Fm, cast as e occasion was a remarkable one. Professor Sampo abe

it was in the rambling life of the caravan, he _From this, though, it must be added, at the time apne agent 00 a will, he was resoued by an en a < b Desa who, attracted by a = ugh singular sun anstlasl Vhs Oeded Gia with | Then the Be Banjo ae in the entertainment, foresaw how, if these wae papery silies, might be made to subserve the no Le: purposes of educational advancement. Nor was the t = pointed. Samso Gurwgavat rapidly —— ‘Mimelf the note of the First at Durham, in a very short the notice of older University. The o Cnet of Phisbotomy fell vacant. thorities offered it to him. He accepted it with alacri , end wan tnatalied derthen! th. So ncn GunvEarAt, M.A. filled the Oxford Chair, and as Sir Curvey and Lady Sutvans introduced him to the select circle assembled to m him in the great drawing-room at the Shambles, and they surveyed his dignified , his faultless black ott gold eye-glasses, carefully ime Or oe and general completeness, they —s not ba but admit that, but for his rich black coum, DP ppened town he was 2 os goat ane real a Don as any who at that moment be parading the High Street of the great University ‘tao “You will take Miss Frrrz in to dinner, Professor,” remarked Lady Sutvers, with an arch smile. The Professor, who was discussing some ——— theories of evolution with a re i gore 6 bow, and offered the slidio-coel referred to his arm. et had — standing only bi by, tsiening in — attention to his learned dis- u course, and blushed as she accepted the proferred gallantry. This fair though washed-out creature was the Governess of the house- hold, and, during the Professor’s short stay, had assisted him in his search for books in the library. He had spoken to her enthusiasti- cally of his early African experiences. the charm had wrought. The swarthy University Othello had captivated the worshipping, scantily auburn-haired Desdemona. She felt? that, were he to ask her, she could share with him his Professorial ¢ Only Sermons, he had fessor’? Wh ée 9 = not call ’im ‘Samso’ replied, “‘Oh, Mister erm how can pad f-3- oy and he had laugh that very ee acne when handing him a volume of Blair’s Why, Missie, why do a call ’im ‘ Pro- She had only a low rich = Yeogh, Toog ip al 1” in response. She knew from, that va“ oo willed could win him. So, when Lady Surv ok ee ee Toman’ ha Poor had divined in which quarter oe d was had charge at dinner with a significant nod, ome blushed. consigned her to his | insp **You are not nervous about to-morrow’s lecture?” she abi nee up at him with what was intended to be a little mowe. ie, *im berry fit! ’Im wood eoeda tically and deaet Yeogh! f yeogh!”” And he law wanscime Then they wont ¢ in to dinner. F 4 The entertainment went off as such entertainmen ogame do. There were awkward pauses at first. Still, pep prema salmon and ‘* canned rabbi ” began to be i aby thosweet, cheap, but rather aaaad, © m: ©, upon whi not serupled to regale his guest, conversation Lu. became SS ea tek the country, the state of the a seelter { = Captain Wasnover, the performance of some she had seen at the Fair at ots Lecture, were all tossed together in the general ontlow of the talk. Suddenl: there pause, which left Lady Psrené Rarrrart in — pos- the field. happened to be describing to her neigh- “By Jove!” responded the Captain gallantly. And ipo] the interrupted flow of conversation again burst out on all sides, and was about to rattle on as merrily as ur, Woen Be wee acts arrested a hag coat tw being ealled in the direction of the ‘essor, + ig 7 oy — ey a a ee a y Psrcut en, as if i some po inward emotion, he addressed her in a ie fain “You saw dem Niggers playi at de *Maarm ?” he asked, in a yee trembling with smothered emotion. “Oh! yes, Professor, and ne good they were, and they are going on wth. eir performances now, no doubt; ‘though I “hear th = Fair nage. | closes to-night,’ she added, with an inecusoqenst littl Then the conversation once more became The Be stessor, however as no pet L it. Hesatin his seat eee coed overwhelmed th some resistless inward reflection that com pelled him to aon, Amidst the general hilarity of the table hi his condition passed unnoticed, but Miss Fryrs had quickly detected it. She endeavoured to rouse him by directing his attention to the aspic of turkey’s eggs that the servant was handing him. He made no oepny, but, with his eyes steadily fixed = him, kept mumbling to Miss Firre listened. She thought she caught the words, ‘‘ Oh’! Golly! Golly! Oh! Jehoshaphat! ’Im a berry goes corner-man.” she grew alarmed. She connected the change that had come over him with the mention of the Nigger and an unaccountable sickening — of fear possessed her. At that moment the ladies rose. was still mumbling ‘Oh! Golly! Golly!” absently to aot i did not even notice her departure. Cigars were produced. The smoke seemed at ~ 1-7 ~ dgpeaieesg Professor from his reverie. He yrs and ad his host. “T think, Saar, I will just mm 6 tae op Me Semen, Ee fine evening,” he continned, 201 ** Do, by all means,” respond oon “Career, © ly chatting out his University —s in the bleak and October night. In another minute the Professor was darting over the flower-beds in the direction of the Great Park Gates. At length these ee wee passed. The lights of the market town shone in the near Oh, Golly 1" Golly! oo, at he eid, throw ing hi arms wildly. “ How ’im’ab lo will to-nig: t. Yeogh! Yeogh! Yeoh" Bor x it tonnight.” hen, in leaps bounds, dashing over ditches, copses, and through hedgerows, the newly-elected Oxford Professor oe ine’ on the wings of the night, and, with eager eager gare, jin breathless haste, made straightway for the Market Fair at ulkbury. It was late in the evening now. There were shouts of ciel merriment issuing from the principal booth, the crowded approaches to which showed that some un attraction within had evidently succeeded in suiting the public taste. A pale lady, with scan auburn hair, whose er-dress was concealed by an old ulster been | just paid her two-pence at the doors, and entered the back beck at the the | reserved seats. This was Miss Fiyrz. When the gentlemen had joined the ladies the Professor had been missed, and the incident of the errace having been mentioned, she had, with a terrible instinct, con- jectured where she should find him. She had crept out of the house, and, to ve her worst suspicions, ogo for the were § Minstrel Senits Adginiinn tee know Gereenk., theenaete aeeiel orm. She knew the w ere, with a huge burlesque white tie and collar, a | ps he tailed white and red striped coat trimmed with b uttons as as muflins, going g trong fantio gesticulations and antics with the bones, ired wi : 80 frenzy that they seemed to work up audience to asinine heights of enthusi in the corner seat sat the Pro- fessor of Phlebotomy. And the whole saeet of his nature, pent up for years in — ee ts, supeanes rehigle« mph — ee in one gigantic rus training o tly y | vindiouted itaalf His bursts of wild and pron fem humour knew o bounds. Ag Mies Bayen leant and staggering ra pre and | damp canvas back of the tent, he again eerie into a ri on ted one of his b brother minstrels raat 0 pie a ” he asked, “‘am a pie give im up? Den I tell. you. Yeogh! yeog' pee. t is when im am, , & pigeon-pie Thunders of lause followed this sally. Then he seemed fairly But ma ~ at last, the possessed. tters audience he threw himself into the fantastic extravagances of an impromptu ees with such unrestrained gusto and b, Tels that he regularity beonehs Cree the house. After this Miss Fryrs could witness the terrible sight no longer. She back to her eumaebtine tied ios by 0 back way, bank cho kaow she had lost her Professor for ever. When inquiries were made for him next morning at breakfast,

kept her seeret. Meantime, the troupe of Christy che beat er cnet, Meee Oe Se ae ae

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 173

new recruit. At eleven o clock*the Town Hall was packed with an expectant throng, but the Professor did not put in an appearance. There was — and Ae for him, bat the Committee were reluctant! to admit that they “‘ did not know what had become “Tt’s very awkward,’ they said; and the ete had ikily to And so.ended what Ron goal been Professor Gurwmarat’s First

THE HAYMARKET not “ matter to aot "an easy

entertainmen' wide of the mark in i) 4 131

ol i

0 ballet (in perfect pre- POMP-ADORERS. exactly classify The Tw ta of the present time, I think I should describing it as ‘‘ an almost . ve 7 WS Sead 'r R- iil a = BL i ly AD see “A faithful picture of the n manners of a period in French History” as paees on the stage of the Haymarket. servation), one Opéra Bouffe monarch, Louis-Ashley-the- Fifteenth struggling for existence, the pes ld- Voltaire, Diderot- Vol ed materials of a comic trio called e, and Grimm-aldi-Allan, one laintive air trying to bloom alone in the Third Act, and a few 8 be Haminton ei oa cS melodramatic eye is description be call tue Diss of powder and potchwork aot an between M but the pm 4 of a compromise ect of peat essrs, Witts and Grunpy. Mr, Bezxrsonm Taxe cannot be too heartily co tulated on his d oo what

RocHEsTER on i CuaRtxs, when the I latter spoke treatment of this Compromise when it was once in his Poet and Humorist had done their work,—all the difference between ‘‘work” and “‘play,” —there was some tall writing, rather poetic than i and there were some rare ol: jokes,—one of them at all events older even than Vor- his visi h ard’ to tala Matta dary ef as ‘‘the Father of his le,” and ‘which, perhaps, Messrs. ILIS AND GRUNDY may have re- membered as always welcome when- ever the play of Charles the Second yelper ody 7 (which used to be a t favourite se pind. eae ties ee or S blig & over, Rios eons e amet Mr. Trex was a i OOle Cane!” ex et, and SS Cat ae In a second this astute ex- | the over, there came a knock at the fed, the humorous Lessee of the geome eee tee the Grosvenor saw what to do with The Compromise, and were to be the real collaborators ee bona weeded rt mencbe Need gene xt Lond Oe eaten TxLBim and JoHNSTONE, scene-painters, the ' # tors were summoned. To work

Taree himself, into whose | two a it is put, and — gage AR of|to play Narcisse - on = the-

designing Kart, the executors of the Wins), L. and H. NatHan poo Bay mn Dn Benes my be Karrt Lawwer the -mistress, t and Me Ourven Warxs,—“‘ gallant little Waxzs,”—should have been summoned before the curtain to receive the congratulations

. Se < “J ‘ absolutely per- - Fook waistooat, ine. = Evidently the wrerecnre eur Be: ~ proverbial i, 9,0 we * politesse A Louis 92 Ny x. was only ‘a +S Sahisiest for the 0. 4 po 5 = erick the courtiers 5 one Res PaSether _at Pdoings of | Sed the Fifteenth’s court, as shown at the Haymarket, tak naly representing history. B I don't bel be en as serio at on’ jeve i does: I am still ‘nained to my first expressed opinions, that these

my hey a Bouff “pbk an ex a e. and should there be any thi bez. doubt in Mr. Trxe’s mind as oy to the lasting attraction of f Grin-goire, and with Miss La Plumpadour, the mere The Queen of France and ‘um jueen 0! ani Opéra Bouffe would ran “ Diamonds. might be for years, Teens thing 4a ol wae

of musical Nomen Lv | d owt patel the song ip the Pies Jed by Mrs. Trex in the JACK-IN-THE-Box, - an aD ee oe has been 5 Se aaive of e Run o ai , is wi formances at the N Nationet Theatre. He py that “* Not cai axe e cheaper parts ap Mel yak Ree be! gh nm Mee Be might have been the dearer horses were

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Aram 14, 1888, THE WORST OF BEING TOO FUNNY. y INR S Cheekstone (who is of a decidedly hwmorous turn). '‘I s4y, Op MAN, THAT W4S A STUCK-UP SET OF Prics AT OLD Brown’s LAST wicHT! By Jovz, THovGH—I pip MANAGE TO SCORE OFF THEM A BIT, EH?’ Host (his fervent admirer), ‘‘I BELIEVE you, My Bor! THsy ALL SAID WHAT A BEASTLY LITTLE OAD YOU WERE, WHEN YOU ’D GONE, AND IF YOU'D HAVE STOPPED Fivge MINUTES LATER, YOU'D HAVE HAD A REGULAR TRIUMPH—FOR OLD Brown WAS GOING To Kiox yeu Dewy Srarms!” MY PLAY. S1x,—Having for some time past been devoting the whole of my time to the writing of a work intended for uction on the stage itis, I confess with some chagrin and no little astonishment, that I find I am unable to meet with a single Manager who .is accept it. And what makes this reluctance the the testimony borne almost universally to the excellence of my play y the leading Actors and Managers to whom I have submi it. ou can see from the following specime: me I subjoin, with what a chorus of w e and have my work, gene If, after reading these you are able to furnish me with any explana- tion to account for the fact that I have not only not been upon uction of my piece, but have rot even had one single application ted to lead to any negotiation about the affair whatever, I need scarcely add I shall be glad to receive it. I herewith also enclose the plot in full, as I think it may interest you.” Begging your attentive perusal of the highly flattering opinions of my work which I = hereto, I desire to subscribe myself, Your much-surprised and disappointed correspondent, Ben-BRInsLEY SHAKSPEARE, **T have read your piece, and have been quite carried’ away by it. The writing is magnificent. What a part, too, is that Policeman’s!” —Wutson Barrett. “A fine play. You ought to meet with no difficulty in finding ome one y to build you a theatre to produce it.”—Hznry on all sides with a view to the EVILLE. **Subtle, majestic, and immensely humorous. If it were not ‘for that procession of elephants in the Seventh Act, I might have looked # the part of that Arabian thimble-rigging fellow myself.”—J,. L. OOLE, * We pave enpert ly omitted not wishing to discount the delight that the Public w peor .! ae probably feel on seeing the play when it is produeed.—Ep. to more fafa x J is | T ** Your five heroines are charming. I should like to play them all.’—Maner Kenpat. **T never read such a piece in my life, Take my advice—write another.’”—Wiu11e Epovin. “The character of the Doge is grandly conceived, and his death in the hydraulic machine ingenious. I congratulate you.” —BrERBoHM ‘REE. “A fine play. You certainly can write. Your dialogue alone ought to bring any house p sy Mae aad Cxcr. “*T’m sure it’s quite og ee pe VENN. ** Very catching. Ought to go with a roar.””—Neztim Farren. “Fall of rich tragic material. It has greatly impressed me.”— Wuruum Rienoxp. ** First-rate; and what a chance for a clown in the last three Acts !",—Harry Payne, That cataract seene alone ought to carry LE. “* Powerful and sportive. it through.”—Hznrzy Kems ‘* Strong in situation, terse in diction, and eminently dramatic, it ought to make the fortunes of half-a-dozen Managers. I however, I can not produce it at the Lyeeum.””—Hzwry Invine. “An excellent play. Altogether a very high-class piece of work. These ane Kenge menaE P I am afraid, though, it is not suited to our requirements.”—W. H. Kznpat. “A tip-top Drama, the takings of which, I should say, would be tremendous. I am sorry, though, I can’t see my way to putting it up at Drury Lane.” —Aveustus ** Re-written, reconsidered, and reeonstructed, it ought to cut up into at least five Comic Operas. I enjoyed it much.”—Cart Rosa. “* Offers a great and unique chance. Why not take a theatre, and produce it yourself? Shall I see you on the subject. There’s a part in it which, worked up a bit, might suit me.”—Gupert Far- QUHAR. Mr. Goscuzn’s Home-Rvutz Poticy.—His Plan of Champagne.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Apram 14, 1888. ad EY SS a SO no —— YS xs SSS N ™ ~ Vz ae D ‘ Yj ‘ 4 WM ty i OT A AO We — | SM = ae a ae — a ee we > ee ee ee Soa aroma 7 Je 3 = ia MP a —— MOLL - Zan. eo - Me NT LIZ za settee AA gg aa oo ee ee Ze 7 Ze pte ate o_o 0A YG y - s Pdaag ag ttf lZI4 EZ Sa TEAAEOLES, pp cAsaa WasGi iin 4, YAP 4 44, “i

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 177

ABYSSINIA. ‘Tue Neaus HAS RETIRED INTO THE INTERIOR.” LATEST FROM

. CHAMBERLAIN TO THE CAUCUS. Was it for this I moulded ‘‘ the Machine,” Boiler and shafting, cylinder and piston, That it should dare, out of 7 leen, Not to do any work that insiton? "ge Ae ce a ow, + aucus At its creator—me! I’m really ril P And somebody will have to take a licking, Sa ee a rummagem, , Tl “ yin Machine, Uni #4 shout :— .

NOT OUT OF THE WOOD. (4 Page from an Anti-Whine Diary.) 10 a.m.—As a Member of the Society to Watch Inebriates, I an invitation to lunch with 7 friend Sy ia who is a bg habit F g E _

We have been trying vari larets but Mhtoat foals e have various © . wi i test—ill effects. Punch a la Romaine. V h 12 noon.—Just had good stuff. No sort of bad ’fect—I mean ef-fect—thoug why shouldn’t call ’fect—don’t know. 1 P.u.—W: Lusx carefully. We both taken pe of Snort of wine. But whaterthat? What- 2.—I’m happy—no, mean, ver unhappy! Making thish note uae table. _ Watched carefall . You’re Codid *eparment. = sober. You’re sober asIam. Splendi ed—going ’shleep.

New Reapine or SHaxsPxann, Sucexsrep sy Mr. GoscHEN’s Conversion Scueme.—‘‘ When shall we

MOT BY M. CLEMENCEAU. DisHeEp, by a mediocrity! Great Heaven! ME&LINE is Atty, I’m but forty-seven! ** Youth will be served,” the athletes say. No doubt! But in my case, alas! youth is seryed—out !

SHOOTING NIAGARA. It appears that on a recent occasion the crowds thronging to see Puirporeavx’s famous picture of ‘* Niagara’’ were so excessive, and on being spuetied to by the authorities to ‘‘ circulate,” so abso- lutely disine to budge a single inch, that order had to be restored I & nt of the _ who rq! —— it by 7 e en building. ith a view, however, ealing wi further possible invasions, likely to result from the growing attrac- tiveness of the show, Mr. Jonn HoxtiivesHean, its ever business-like and spirited Manager, intends, it is said, to issue the followin notice, which certainly seems ted to utinimias the nuisance of which it professes to Cavrion To THE PusBLic. Every responsible person presenting himself for admission will be called ‘pen ° sign. « soumaas 6s Cp. ove ing for hi and if n or his family or the party acoompanyi to ponen 7 4 adn veg A at any portion of rama, but to keep moving con i which ng be ed uniforml wie thie Wil patkally natasliate Game ghyviesl exertion, invalids

and the infirm and aged, unless accompanied by their family soli- citor, or by some other respectable person who will be responsi le for their keeping up the pace, are warned off. _. To ensure the unceasing and lively continuance of this movement, it will be supervised by an able body of Police ‘provided with trun- aoe assisted a by picked and experienced Guardsmen, armed with ayone There will be a short comprehensive lecture every minute and a half, giving the of America from the earliest times to the arrival of Corumsus, the details of the War of Independence, the strife between North and South, the history of Canada, and the Statistics of the Fisheries and general tion. will be shouted almost continuously, from a speaking-trumpet, every visitor, — pases along on - a — probably catch some — o flying questions may be pu man in the rostrum. - ion, will himself be one putting the lecturer out by his interruption, copelene put out by the Police. a It is beli that, by a strict adherence to the above regulations, the whole of the sight-seeing public of the Metropolis may in due time have an opportunity of visiting the show, if with some rapidity of movement, at least without the inconvenience attendant upon a struggle and a crush. Fovatty, Mr. HoLriivesHEaD REQUESTS ALL THOSE who do not feel themselves up to a bit of brisk exercise, have not a hi hicpdecinell ant, < 4 Senetinn a0 akeeneanstapy See ase ae all lack 1 practised 2 Sa ie. he wanes es coun! one sweeping comprehensive cye ae glance, not to come and help to block up all access to his ‘* Niagara,”’ but quietly, reasonably, and wisely, To Srax,Oursipx.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Aram 14, 1888. SUNDAY DIVERSION. Curate, “‘Goop-syz, I must Go m Now. I’vE GOT TO PREPARE MY SERMON—AND I pow’r KNow wHaT I’m To PREACH ABOUT.” Layman, *‘On,—anout Ten MINUTES,—AND THEN COME OVER TO LUNCH.” THE CHURCH AND THE STAGE. will be speciall cupuene®, cal a8 even oo ble, the : of open heresy in the ret werld. long ago application will be made to Parliament for leave to invent a seomad act—e act—a very st tic one—to meet the present situation. It appears that the contagion is the Strand, where it first attracted considerable attention at the Opéra Comique A, Mrs. BERNARD Lew introduced Ariane to the pu Su -+ it Ir is expected that Convocation being Sreynn boy a E houses of entertainment above-mentioned, — Opéra Comique first jo evening,—in order to pronounce upon the merits of the question as a whole. Hotray Morro ron Sm Jonn Lussocxe.—" Shut up!” HOW IT STRIKES THE CLOCK. A Crock sees a lot who discreetly Keeps his hands well in front of his face, While the dancers are f . featly, Or res securely and swee In the holly-hung noo nk, which so neatly Is not quite y the case. The candles stand straight in the sconces, The boards like a looki g-glass shine, And | ly rubicund Jon sees To di of supper and wine. An early arrival is taken Ped radiant hostess in tow, with confidence shamefully shaken, He stands face to face with a row Of yt rw Fag oy = ya eyday is gone long ago, Who now lie in wait, like the Kraken, To drag buoyant hopes down below. There’s a youth who would gladly annul it, qareen nee he sticks, now he’ here to his tryst, With a collar that presses his And a glove that is strained + fist, While the other, however he it, efforts is fain to resist. And he knows he is certain to —_ = As he _ a last Cooperate bum And the button flies off likea bullet, _ And the glove curls away from his wrist. There ’s a moody man ‘out on the landing Who bites his moustaches and swears, ~~ Me a ine Ly stairs, nd she’s si on the ant — any glass he can well see 80 told, That, nme dy one's i, EtstE, As dain and mould Aan a shepherdeos faahic fashion’d at Chelsea In charming choice china of old. And the well-polished floor waxes shinier, And feet eh were tiny, look tinier, Like the white rose’s wind-driven petals, Or the lawn by the blown apple-tree ; And the band to its business settles, And the dance is all glory and ‘glee, And rubicund Jonn’s getting winier, And smiles with a free. Like a heavenly dredger the ’cello Scoops all the soul out of a fellow, Till wildly he veite Ake th the snowy-neck’d fay In her virginal white, like the blossoming May, With her curls than the woodbine wood inier, More precious than spell-guarded metals, More bright than the eye of the day. Then supper, with cracker and motto— Oh, the power of those sibylline leaves— When My what it’s much safer not to, In an t see coy a Sl And duo aumnen ous young With the ‘basis ot their heads fo re their fea- Like a Janus himself, [tures, Turn years toa ig oe of ¢ of blinses, Of fs eye prom ewe venly kisses, of prudence’s Pam, a position, and pelf And turn on my time very slowly, To give the young couple a For there ’s some in sorrow that ’s holy, To a soft-hearted at a dance Then the cha | yawn, and anteh me With and sleep-reddened eyes, And the youngsters would glad} retard me, ah Soom yi tate =" ces wth | ny 0F cr a, pn oe urs seek in instalmen their And the vision of pleasure oy And, quiet as the chamber of illness, The ball-room oeons dim and forlorn, And I tick once again in the stillness, As the wind brings the rain with the morn.

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Aram, 14, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL INTERIORS AND EXTERIORS. No. 67. === OY ' . - \ VU. ~/ St. Aye HO No \ feu \ 4 Vo QU? Oe 5 we — gst \ ) df . CS I~ a, tat ROYAL ACADEMICIANS CHEZ EU, “THE VARNISHING POINT”—IN PROSPECTIVE. POEMS FROM THE POLICE COURTS. No. I.—FREDERICK, RICHARD, AND ROBERT. Ir was an Easter Tuesday, and itis Bos and — Fared forth to take a holiday with Now Ricwnzp, in the rash reais se gilded aaiee ch ape, Came out incongruously garbed in a loose and ample cape. (Full strangely clad was the simple lad in his aristocratic cape !) ‘The Tower we will in eager tones Py ena eh ‘ast from its is grim histori stones We'll pross around the fatal block, and fed! the dinted axe, i a ation of the thambsorews and the racks!” (For these, in sooth, thrill gentle youth—especially the racks!) So on their way er wended, from vp to the Tower, And heeded not Victoria Bureet, they sleet, and shine, and shower ; Until, - Queen Victoria they halted at —— doors Of t ivil (* What if tO vowed, in Service S' ” they cried, ‘ wo wont inside these celebrated Stores,’ " Into the Stores they sauntered—and RoBERt's eyes are round, While Ricuarp’s mouth is open wide in wo ent profound ; Spee axees paatie Wine s suite Seem hardened sen who Het: Where’ er they pass they leave behind a sense of something—missed. (As if the joys af happy boys those Civil Servants missed} eee ee ee: for some reason, seems to cast a gloom upon their glee. con —a silver-mounted Be et ee ee (Now, the deepest sleove oan ne'er deceive by harbouring 6 tick.) Snyper peony Famomnicr surprised —and vert. x awe ous Fammanenn ’s fraternal heart ee When from the folds of Gaetan: s clock ! ESS gge oe as Path judge of a clock See, from his he onten nee bot-tel— tg lavender—though he protests D2 ed my smell ! SP ill- include—why, nobody can think— An unassuming labelled *‘ Pomade of Zinc!” (What boyish eyes see aught to prize in ointments made of sinc ?) Next Fempunnon, oft sentitiien, aioe St, oe Daa syaeny In se- a box of sweets, and And here fancy they have te mia of his shame Bat, di frame! (Ashe pale'6 fet case has followed the photo- eae ee ee Se ae To hear their awful doom ete Their bad behaviour in esrb in tras And Bos and Dick are both discharged—but Fraepznick is Should ‘te by to-morrow week, will hear where \ eae ahs i

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

fF ; Win by, \ Va 4 hy) hy, from extinction of voice, and even now not the full tone of yore, has contrived , since taking his 3 on the Magisterial Bench, to out” A such a manner as to make his voice heard hout the length a breadth of the Metropolis, and, indeed, of the ated ingdom. The great orator, BossuzT, was known as gle of Meaux. Mr. Mortacu Wii11aMs will be ened embered—especially by the Police of his Mistrlot—ne the Eagle Beak of of Wandsworth.

KP NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and there will be no exception. Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule

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Roe Out M Sree yi . E =f Numerous llustrarions Geeale's Canary [sLAnns . , . ~ Meps and “aecet wans ° eo inves DENTAL HOSPITAL OF LONDON. SCHOOL OF DENTAL CURGERY The a SESSION wlll commence oa weepat, May iat LEO! — Anatomy and Ph y mie the Teeth— A urg*ry an 4 Patho logy— » 2d Hoercnineom Por Calendare containing p rtculars of the re- a1 wey Royal College of Surge +e DS, «pp seTow Beate a. Dente: Torn tal of London, Leicester Gquare. “OUR NEIGHBOURS.” ei i & COOPER, THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY ESTABLISHED 1825. Accumulated Fund, 6} Millions Stg. . Denta “ FOR PROTECTION ININLSIANI ? EDINBURGH, 8 George St. (Head Office) LONDON, 63 King William Street, B.C. a 8 Pall Mall Bast, 6.W. DUBLIN, 66 Upper Sackville Street. Branches & Agencies in India & tha Colonics. THE SANITARY “EUCALYPTUS SOAP’ Purifies the Skin and Beautifies the Compiexzien. WHITAKER & GROSSMITH, 2, SILK STREPT, CITY, LONDON ls 6d Hox of 8, at Chemists and Grocers, or direct COLT’s DOUBLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER, 88 supplied to h.M. War Department. COLTS SINGLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER, a» sduptec by tae Vaited . COLTS “FRONTIER” PisToL ‘Winchester Magazine on OGRE Cart COLTS HOUSE REVOL and DERINGER wr the ee phet, best quaiut; oni: Lolt's Kevolvers are all over the w cores pov LIGHTNING MAGAZINE Commies, Price List tree, OL4's FIREAKMS Co ,M, Pall Mall, London 4. W. and ter tas PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 21, Aram 1888, FRY’S PURE CONCENTRATED SOLUBLE = consider it @ very rich, delicious Cocoa.’ SAMUEL BROTHERS. Beye’ Schoo! Outfits. Mesers, SAMUEL BROTHERS have ready for +—~ ue « Very sortment of te is and ¥ Biate for the wear of , Boys, or ladies, together with tectr new lnaewernarem Cara- wees, containing about 3 Engrer- ings. This furnishes details of the various departments, with Price \iste, &c Mess. SAMUEL RROTHERS “Wear - Resisting” Fabrics (Regd.) are especially asdapted for here’ Maap Wrasa. SAMUEL BROTHERS, MERCHANT TAILORS, OUTFITTERS, ae., 65 & 67, Ludgate Hill, Lonpon, E.O, NESTLE’S yor FOOD AN ENTIRE DIET Taene Mane. FOR INFANTS. BSuppiies s!l the elements n sosuaey Ser the com- plete nourishment and growth of the human frame. Nestie’s Food, be re composed of milk. is complete and entire « iteelf, and requires simp! y the addition of water to make it ——— ready for use. it is not merely om suxiliary, like other Infant's Foods, which require muk to be added in | preparing for use Kecommended by the highest medical authorities as the nearest equivalent to MOTHER'S MILK Pamphiet, with Medical Testimonials, sent post free, on application to H. NESTLE, 9, Snow Hill, London, E.C. Indigestion, Constipation. DAH a KO DRUGS NATURAL REMEDY. DYSPEPSIA samen CAKES. eminent Medical Men Or att Curuiers. Sample box, 2, 6d., Post Free our _ Oriental = =Tooth =: DAHL'S ACENCY, 41,EASTCHEAP, LONDON. JEWSBURY & BROWN’S JEWSBURY snown. aste. COCOA W. 3. B. STANLEY, M.D. M°CALL’S PAYSANDU OX TONCUES. Legion of Honour, 187%. Royal Portucucse K night- hood, 163 Guid Medals and other distinctions JOHN BRINSMEAD & SONS’ PIANOS 16,20, and a, WwidMon Os STREET, L LONDON, W “FOR THE BLOOD IS THE LIFE.” CLARKE’S WORLD-FAMED BLOOD MIXTURE. Is warranted to cleanse the blood froma'l impurities, from waarevesn cause arising. For Scrofula, Seurvy, Eesema, Skin and Bloo!t Diseases. and >ores of ali kinds. its effects are marvelious. It is the oniy real specific {.r Gout ane | ee umatic Pains, for it re- moves the causes fre the bio.d and bones. In bottles, 2s. $d. and ie each, of all Chemists. Sent for 33 or 132 stamps by the Proprietors, Lincela and Midland Counties Drug Co., Lincols. BEWARE OF WORTHLESS IMITATIONS. TOBACCONISTS COMMENCING. OW TO OPEN REMUNEKATIVELY from ony amount. however smal! or large. Llustrated Catalogue (post free}. LESSER FRIEDLANDER, 3, Houndseditch, London. Established 60 years. GUEST’S ENAMELS. All Colours. For Haths, Domestic, and Art Deco- rations. Resist oil and boiling water, and dry in minutes. In le, 24, and 4s. Tins. sold by Iron- mongers, Oilmen. and Chemists everywhere. Shade List and all particulars from London Warehouse, 73, ST. JOHN SIREET, EC. Ce BRONZE HAIR. — ihe beg; A Buance cas be of ong oat yg ung ir cals by W ee wiNTLR, 47%4,Oxtord 8t., London, Price 6s. 64., Ws, 6¢.,2l6. For tinting grey or iaded Hair ARINE is invaluable. Save two rrofits, by ~s — aang Direct from the | ce PF P.S: Ss yay sMiuTs, ores AND 4 Pine s — Price Address— Lists Post Free. we * LINENS =. ‘HANDKERCHIEFS, e Quen, " Belfast Established over 60 years MADE WITH BOILING ee | CRATEFUL—COMFORTING. COCOA MADE WITH BOILING MILK, COLLINSON & LOCK. CRETONNES, CHALLIS ano GHINTZES HE GREATEST VARIETY. ARTISTIC FURNITURE OF EVERY DESCRIPTION. IN INEXPENSIVE AND THE TWENTY COMPLETELY FURNISHED BEDROOMS ON VIEW. 76 to 80, OXFORD FINEST WORKMANSHIP. STREET, W. NOTICE OETZMANN & 60. HAMPSTEAD ROAD Neos Torvesmem Comer Bess IMPORTANT SALE OF STOCKS CREAT REDUCTIONS FROM Cost, Particulars, with lias Post Pree om Appiic — SALE NOW PROCEEDING THE STOCKS CompRisg an Immense A*sortment of SUPERIOR AND WELL-s8AsON D CABINET FURNITURE of the Newest Designs HANDSOME LOUNGES AND UPHOLSTERED GoODs, CHIMNEY GLASSES, OVERMANTIY GIRANDOLES, BRACK:ETs, — BEDSTEADS, KEDDING, CARPETS, RUGS, LINOLEUM, CURTAINS AND CURTAIN MATEMIUAL TABLE COVERS, TABLE LIN BLANKETS. QUILTS, SHEETING FENDERS, FIKEIRONS, TABLE CUTLERY AND ELECTRO-Plun LAMPS, CHANDELIERS, CLOCKS, BRONZES, PICTURES, Vasm DINNER, DESSERT, TTA, AND Toller SERVICES, TABLE GLASS, &c. Bome of the goods are of the most recherch description. —— Orn ee Ss SALE- Particulars Post pase, The choce beivg & | immense,a personal vist, bie, © aimed: 9 but im cases where this weal be inconvesi a, 9 orders sent per poct receive prompt and faith attention. OETZMANN & Ch, CABINET MAKERS, UPHOLSTERER, DECORATORS, ap COMPLETE HOUSE FURNISHERS, | HAMPSTEAD ROAD (Near Tottenham Court Road & Gower St. Stata), | SHILLING CAB FARES from Charing (om | Fuston, King’s Cros«, 8t. Panwras, and Wateriw | Stations, Regent ireus, and Piccadiliy. | OXFORD.—-MITRE HOTEL | ONE OF THE MOST ECONOMIcAL FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE KILO! Beware of the party offering Imi/ations of MACNIVEN & CAMERON'S PEN “* They come as a boon and a blessing to me The Pickwick, the Owl, and the Waverley?" Oban Tan Try “THE FLYING ‘J’ PEN.” EE * 6d. & las. x. A“3" pen which will write 100 words wt dip of ink Sample Boz, with all kinds, by Post, \s MACNIVEN & CAMERON, Waverley Works, Blair St.. Edisbargh. (Bet 177) TABLE KNIVES. FOR ASTHMA & DATURA TATULA FOR SMOKING AND INHALATION SAVORY & MOORE, Londo. And of Chemists every where.

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—_—_ Aran. 21, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. ist “THE WIFE’S SECRET.” © * The Lessces, in answer to numerous inquiries, beg to state that “‘ The Wifes Secret” will be strictly kept at the St, James's, and thy cannot consent to “' let it out” even for one night. ACT I. The Old “* Bower Saloon.” Enter cone Evagtys, looking perfectly charming. Lady Ev. Joy! Pw my —_—— Sir Watrer Ipyorrt, > \ ibaa — e ev ‘P— if. SE minute. Oh joy | usic, = AnpEn by window. ) Ah! my brother! ! Lerd Arden > Qelighted: Lord Arden (with stern ety). No, he won't. t ong a gay Cava- e is a ~~ Puritan, I e* must emphasise Little Lord Kendal Fauntleroy’s delight at seci os en auntiero "s e. at seeing a Punch and Judy Show for the first time in his life. hm cn, bo es brilliant costume, that the audience will make a mistake, Lady Ev. eptetingia Se Oh—no— fa Arden (a trifle ; contradiction). They will. He’s astern Puritan. eplynr . He'll have me shot. Lady Ev. (tenderly, but without conviction). Notif I ask him not to. Lord Arden (more annoyed than ever). Yes, he will. He’s a hard ’un—so am I, Lady Ev. (sadly), You are—an ’ARDEN ions Axon, Take your oath not to tell him I’m here. hy There! (Takes her oath. elcome to Sir "— Idyott!”) Here hit’ i nnn Oh, what fun ! Lord Arden, ere I hide? to &.| Hide? O 5d culty Gratin oh shout ou! hambermat ae i oreie 6 Comie C! ‘cene). Hide? Where? Why, as Toning’ a Lord Arden (superciliously). Oh, that’s been done so often. Lady Ev. (struck by an =. be not in the chimney ? — Ch. oe ane x. edians hide up the down wt ir ir faces all over soot. oa ‘arden eciguediyh. Well then, behind the tapestry. Don't you've taken your oath. Disappears behind curtain. Music, suggestive of rage dy red tapestry, changing to something joyous. Shouts ow Enter Sir Warren Ipyort, bravely attired, Sir Walter, Dear wife! Nata ote i ta fo or You look ill? ae . Missus wants change of air, and the sooner 4 the key lost, the better for the piece. (They ed y adopt Comic Chambermaid’s advice. Ezeunt Sir WALTER and Lady Evetyn, ingl . Comic Chambermaid shows ARDEN, wid “* Outside.” a wicked Puritan. Also I am Sir Ng hate My Lady because she has locked pant oe ae comes gaily out from behind) i I must obtain them. fone. iin Secure 2. Power Saloon as before. Gay Cavalier (to Comie Chambermaid), Being a gay Cavalier, | must, of course, snatch a hiss from the Comie Chambermaid. [About to embrace tworndow, ppears. d (Opens a Wicked Puritan Steward’s heed Wicked Puritan No it wasn't. I'll Er, her. peer at ward's head disa Comic Ch. It was a man. go and see, End of Scene. ACT ITI. View of Bower Saloon window, Night. Sir Walter Idyott (to Jabex Sneed, who has been telling him that there is a man locked up in the Bower Saloon). Viilain—ha! Half strangles him, Jabez Sneed (in a corner). Look there! Who's right aot [ Points to Bower Saloon window. Sir Iprorr’s Wife enters with candle, “Lord A pees enceatly embraces her. as Pike 24 Idyott (ellie Ab [ Guggle , guggle— whack ; aM tm y. Wicked utterly knocked over” by the discovery. Steward gives a dover ihe chuckle, Curtain, ACT IV. The Poetic Justice Room, Sir Walter re sa (to Bhooet) | diets break into the room, I didn’t go and collar my wife’s . No. Lonly went indoors, and put on a different costume. That’s all. Both costumes suit me literally Puritan be| uncommonly well, but in this I am told I look like Little Lord Fauntleroy Lady Be. ast), My husband doesn’t know anything about my ing in Sir Walter Idyott (aside), I won't tell her what I saw. If I do— there’s an end of the play. [ scene between them about nothing. Comic Chambermaid (entering). The house is surrounded ! Enter Soldiers and Rude Officer, Another long scene about nothing. Sir Walter (express opinion). We're all gettin ga- tired of this. (ve Te ade Otier Re Read this p this paper. I can do anal Rude Officer (a (after reading the paper). You can, Sir Walter (to his Wife and the Comt ‘omic Chambermaid). ve me! surprised Lady Ev. Just as we were getting along so nicely too. front. Sir Walter se a sickly smile), Alwa' Lady Ev. Good! (Aside to Comic Chambermaid.) Give this to ieee Sir Walter. Who? I Msidn’t mean it for ote (He shouts [Staggers anyhow. Sir Walter (pleasantly astonished), Lop Aupen! ! Sir Wi ion — was only her brother fs say lore? (turning to his Wife) 1 will ask you—— Lad, anagers, Well—(all listen intently)—well li—the reason why I did so, I like with anybod ~ ” Ode rf ‘ou get out, Ret will , ude er. Scowling. nt a time come eet Rude Officer, with Soldiers. for ever | Lady Ev. and Comic Chambermaid ( ). For ever! Sir Walter (writing). Here is a pass for two—for the Lady Ev. (examining it). You haven’t it. headed. (Signs and gives it to her.) How’s that for Huy ?—I am alluding to the Acting Manager. It admits two. my brother. baat together. os Count o Chambermaid. Shouts, Noise generally. Lady Ev. at Then he somebody from window). Stop thief! [ Bang—bang! heard withou Lady Eo. Ah\ (Enter Servants with Lom yn il Alive! Lord rie nn lapreght as ever), es; earn ane 08 went the horse—oft my be lam! 1 Quite the ws ‘the way Corn, we i (To J his Wife, reproachfull didn’t Trady Bo. “degrecat ly) 5 ee ar fie the author's. Sir Walter. ( Lorp Agpen), Your hand, And now Ev. And you (to audience) will ask me too—why I induced the Messrs. Hane and Kewpat, to nce this pad our kind friends in front, and even to m —— ae and our rightful Harz, will ever renela-—Tus Wives New Reading for Next Time. Soup anything further to the oting in the Queen’s soma | Dien when the - X. — Benne bs is sitting, the scene, now thoroug re us Last of Tie Bovens. “En iterum ne Coen | restate the old quotation thus, pte my own * Ruat Justitia” —let every one — ad mache out as oss as possible—‘‘ flat calum ’—let ceiling be oo porcible— | fat cole ot Tage @ mek eae let us send at once for the Law Court Plasterer. Htuamus ! { Ezeunt omnes. * Here the name of any leading Barrister will be substituted. B. H.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL THE INHARMONIOUS BISMARCK. Yi x =y i CSS . 3 \ \ \ \ \T Empress (ing, (Wins shall we do with ( Spoken.) Bismarck, ’t know. Ifthe i Bismarck, 1 think your Majesty is singing a little out of tune. When over you hand her Empress. Pardon me, Prince; but it is you who are a great To Prince ALEXANDER, sharp. , You’ll then have to do without me / Bismarck, Um—well—we’ll take two bars’ rest, and then sing FE bi together-—— E What shall we do with our daughter ? a ee ee mpress. we our ~e- -e- . Bismarck. What will they do with their daughter ? wi [Left jodelling © Tempter! O Mones!—Mr. Punch ht so, He said so.| “Bz uw Trae! ”—The Last of the “ Noctes Ambrosiane” will e and not a t Errant. Perfectly | take place when Mesdames ALBANI, ANTOINETTE STERLING, ry the Major premiss is But Srmas Reeves, Lioyp, and Santiey, and other eminent about “the Involved Muddle,” ¢.¢., The Departments, and the con- | unite together to give Mr. Awsrose Avustry a Testimonial Concert o clusion? Now is the time for the Questioners Gaawpotra and his retiring from professional life. He has all his life been giving CHmaRLes to rise as one man, and insist on being supplied with | Convert, so now it is but fair that one should be farther information. This is good notice beforehand, as the Concert is not

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ll i ee ee Oe | Aru 21, 1888.) VOCES POPULI. AT A TURKISH BATH. Scene—The Middle Room of a Turkish Bath. Subdued light. On benches, and in folding-chairs, Bathers are vaguely seen extended in various stages of limp- ness. The usual Turkish Bathing Bore is heard discoursing to anyone he can induce to listen, In a remote corner 18a Somnolent Bather who knows him, but trusts, by lying low, to evade recognition. hifully)—y-yes. Extra- = my pores act! I assure Proceeds to describe result in detail. Enter an Elderly Neophyte; he feels shy and strange, it being his first appearance, and, owing to the gloom, and hu om 4 ightednece, cote Aimeclf uasen the , Sir, [think you’ll re 5. B. Why, blese soy t to know that BD. y; m voice—it 1s DonmER ! To think our in the same all this while, and never suspecting it! Wish I’d ——- before—makes it so samch less tedious, mesting much so. R. ; } [ Coeaege Samet SOREN 20s, cue slapes apes. B. ty is to recognise fellows y’ know. Can’t button-hole ’em, at any (to himself), To the B. B.) You seem to manage it! : I voice in a minute—‘‘ That’s 8. B. 8. B. rate! ( B.B king 8. B. (guardedly). Have you, though? It is odd, as ou say. ".. 2 I’ve often found that some people’s ears have an astonishing lack of delicate i For instance, et very dear and old of mine—you may him—— [Tells him a history about his Friend's aural deficiencies. In the meantime the Elderly Neophyte has established himself, in some trepidation, on a bench, with his head resting on a little wooden block, which he tries hard to think ee He has a dry roof to his mouth, a tickling nose, and a ceases, a silence falls, which the E. N. finds depres- sing. A Stout Gentleman observes ‘* Phew!” occasionally, A clock ticks, and water drips in the distance. A head close to the E. N.’s sighs in a heart-broken manner, and a Restless Ba rises, owen to prowl up and down like a caged wolf. Enter an Attendant with pewter cu water; the E.N. drains one greedily, tike a ip teasd mariner, and then has another. The B. B. (for the general benefit). Never drink when I'm in the bask: Rinse the sah os, yes; but drink? al jy — a fear. ) effect cold water taken dire ~ Af. old aunt—the E. N. advantage of another silence). ed careful about, and Bath ’cept i to be (taking general sensation of singeing. As t Bore’s voice | _ Pe P ‘ C29 = PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —— rg ” 4 ‘ | i] Sg eee a _ So C-Oe - —_—=, PICTURE —TS oe —————————— SUNDAY. “Don’t RUN AWAY YET. You ’vVE GIVEN ME wo CarITICISM, I HAVE A FEW DAYS STILL BEFORE ME—TIME TO MAKE ANY ALTERATION, YOU KNOW.” ‘On, AH—BUT NOT TIME TO PAINT YoUR PICTURE ALL OVER AGAIN!” “[Two Bathers rise, with the air of * ciergerie, a nd pass between the curtains ; Sor what can be heard. First Shampooer Lay 7 yes. (A dull hissin The Chatty 8. Soon have summer on us now, Il—a—was gu rd.) ci-devants” summoned to the Con- the E. N. listens anxiously a (epparently an austere character), On that slab, Sir, if you wn. fof a 7 ee ion). Eh? oh, yes, I see; to be sure, yes, only how——(his voice is suddenly extinguished by what seems to be a esterda bucket oF water splashing over him—splutters and gasps. E. N., who longs to hear him speak again.) _ ateed righ ‘ (monet ; Second Sha Uneasiness on part of opening). On your back, Bir ; mp. (a talkative Person, to his Subject, who seems slightly served). You've ’ad a reg’lar fine turn of it to-day, Sir—comin’ off raped beautiful! (Reluctant wank of assent from Subject.) Now over, Bir, please. Bin to this noo Panorammer—Niagrer, Sir? ‘They tell me it’s fust-rate. (Inarticulate grunt from 8.) Water too with and blowing.) No ;_got Lew | ’ere, Sir! . . Looks ist splashii myself, The Chatt now, eh ? Talk. Shamp. our gentlemen The B. B. ! one of it am) The B. swim ‘3 what 1 do! . (to himself). Co From the Shampooing than ever, as of a otected body, fo ‘ (meditatively). You’d think a man over, after that, wouldn’t you? But, except in a very few cases, I don’t know on the 't care for soap on their’ close your pores, come out tune bet mate opper ’ot for you, Sir? a li premises, Sir, send him to you? No, Sir? dear | Sir—Now on your face, if you'll be so good! iy S. (indistinctly). I (Tremendous time for goin’ si¢htseein’ ttle tender t foot, ‘Very good, —er—ha, suppose you’re pretty f-full just . (shortly). Al busy ’ere, Sir. Sit up! Sie Shame. | clnately). Ave 6 Ute soap on your ‘ed, Sir? Some of fr, (bursting out again suddenly). plunge in London in directly they’re done sham = ¥ me the other si vasisy . Cold water—and I can’t swim, oh, Lor’ ! hamber are now proceeding sounds more alarming thumped with fists u, ; ; on be black blue E $

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PUNCH, OR THE ial “> 2 AMERR{ LOADER ) eJ— ss x | 4 4 1 @ t ae PRIZE PUZZLE. a Ks > Ts ~ =f i‘) 7 a8 B § bikie on oe Saal SABRI hd mY 5) 8B mn FAA \447 pane a AURANTT |THE Piccan: LONDON IMPROVEMENTS. AN “OPEN SPACE.” TO FIND HER WAY AOROSS. Sm=E a Vims that such an effect ever actually follows. I’m JAPAN IN LONDON. TAKEN BY SURPRISE. - sure, though, that the pressure on the (WITH APOLOGIES TO BRET HARTE.) Aut the leasure, with none of the dis- Wuices I wish to impart comfort an of 99 cent.!! In- The poutine Bather claps his hands suddenly. And I make no mistake, ps a my od who are going there irst Py mes Ee ty po That for Japanese Art, merely to see Les Surprises du Divorce, will Squash ¥— . Stout By town, mountain, or lake— re pen cieeonene and Poll odes ataah a Centionan colle for weaien, ond to soreed This new Japanee is peculiar, travelling b taking 0 ticket for The Royalty by _— aaron, One of , And takes, as you may say, the cake. tre, ‘Soho, where M. Coqvetin is this pera The en! “ mpoowng Mxn-Pes is his name, a ri. in the above-mentioned laugh- Ae oS And also Mor-T1-Mezx, able farce, which is just now the success in Suscination, approac wn. cook With regard to that same Paris. If you cannot get a fauteus! d’ orchestre, in. a a presents a lab You could hardly infer or baleon, or any loge, ask for a Botte d Sur- a5 feet, Subject. Se “ain, : That his smile was so childlike and wily, | P7#¢/ Only a ew nights more, so hurry up! ‘an head to fost, awaiting the reture ¢ As I frequent remarked to Wuist-Ler. | And then bon soir, M. CoquELin, et au revow. the Operator in sullen res 7 For in Bond Street were shows Chatty a 1s +> r for the Whew mist-Lzr, a great man, A Song of the Lost Season. moment, and may Per ceived as everyone (A Long Way after the Laureate.) incr the deh, apperng bind, and Pe. > LL Eie a Wurrer hath us in his net, ae ag oe Though he ash teas to Jew apan. Will he pass, and we forget? The Two Shampooers (returning by different Suk Sten. tien hen bein April suns arise set, (They perceive the I Ne stondang peirifed| _ And from famed Tokio” Bring the gift i Spring the debt; tn contre of oor) Tube yon aout Gr?” fo Hiss brought back very rar tends 2-1-1 er minu ir. Little tings, and lo Spring it oe ah fret— The EB. N. ( feedly). Pay well (witha| Here are dainty and delicate 1 points— Spring ti for we regret desperate resolution), I—I’m going A thoroughly Japanese Show Sel "tis is dark, anal ; to my w atch—I mean, my eye-giasses— There ’s a Japanese bloom See eee again presently ! In a Japanese frame, ?—for we forget : [Rushes upstairs, flies into his bor, and| AndaJ room, ~ ! woe, woe! dresses for dear life as scene closes in. dnhatinet om There arealmond-eyed et ed Japanese beauties, | Maney 4 Svoanerion.—A_ Conference of Sect Gh And many more I could name. the Women’s Committee of the International o aes. This is why gy y Re etgtn ym Ame Sars Grorez Joxun, “I call the Income That Mzn-Pxs sure must be nounced, at which the will Tax the ‘tin tacks,’ and, permit, me to add, Just as fond of a lark be discussed :—** By what ove it ought to be paid om the nail,” (Thanks. As the Heathen Chinee : best Promote the of International Con: Can't pat any mere of yours in thie week.—| And if anyone ventures to doubt it, cord ?” Hew would it beif they tried holding D.) Just drop into Dowpeswx1’s and see. | their tongues? bryant

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a RE eE A — Subgtytttici ce ——— salle iF ) ¥;:

= — . ~ = ientiedial } oo 2 FP: = {= < — i 4 = i 3 : 2 y_ photo, am, now? I enclose m zvus SamBornrvs, and ee SESEGZZISISAGS TA ane 3

rumoured that Mr. Grore NEWS OF THE HOUSE OF SA ornaments of the Sa ray 4

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. now all the ust both and Mrs. Bancrorr Two Volumes, on their

Long-expected come at last, “ Mister

mid ( "a ———————— w A

1a —iK—I 8 pice ouldn’t hurt a baby To quote one of our y can trust.”’ modern ballads, "re a pair as you of this book is a death-blow to a h, y crorts’ Book.” There is onl “@¢ ith cries of wi he guests wi “ They sblication -in- | Pa is to introduce his stock right on i Book, and then givi ering oe hoe fy THe to set them

@ i CSS mS ke ese

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186 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Arar, 21, 1888, $$ MYSTERIES OF HUMAN GROWTH. (THREE CHAPTERS IN PUBLIC SCHOOL LIFE.) dur Bryimvir 1882. 1884 1888. Jimmy Jones, *‘ Utto, Buty Brown!| Billy Brown. “‘Utio, Jomy Jonzs! rou| Jimmy Jones. ‘'Utto, Brix Browx! You 'a& CHEEKY |! Ir stTRikes me rou Kickzep me Two Years aco! Ir sTRIKEs ABOUT THAT Kicxtne! If sTRIKES ME MY want Kicxixe!” (Kicks him, uz it’s wy Tors!” { Takes it. 'Tuny’s COME ROUND AGAIN!” [de., de. So “ Fair and soft! 1” Gosc d; If Joh Gilpin, blest PERILS OF A PLEASURE-HORSE. Ry Gosomax cried oo Fr ith mare of plack than sel! now he’ a steady seat— ere a A Grupi~zsevs Bautap. Lieiiend antec And possible Pepill t, J. Goscuen is a patriot “ ” “ 1» But if keep your nerve, and seat, J oe —_ and own; Be ie gate oP th, and also ™ Boo! . in out add t baa Pay song bos. nancier eke is nD ILL W ve e@ great care Trusted by London Town. ben 4 eo ouree # shied, That he is not—run down | He i wa brave eques Like me young rascal in the Row adtchcsteoatet etre aa, | 4 Wigeermeeeten me, Gover | Th * go,” . A HARD-WORKING ernment Clerk has | e world expected “* go. Gilet ctovd to comse; been ordered equestrian axereiee, t But saddle-tree scarce reached had he mind your tax so much, Mr. Goscuey, His journey to Bo And Goscuns can tet feel the way, the official to the C. C., ri ‘the Government When turning da a he saw He next may raise a hideous yell, will raise my salary. may "li Keg wy in the | That boy—an imp of sin! Pia. turn a “ Catherine-w hea?” Department about oe the kind- | , hearted Gzo. Joxmn’ ; * 4 case, oo a» boy perceived him miounted fair y, good Goscuen! Keep your seat! pleasure in riding will detand upon the sort Upon his gallant steed, Ree idle ; of ‘screw’ you get.” Eine penne oot = party-stones Witt means mischief ; spare the spur, —— And don't forget the brid The “Robert” (Or Shilling) Dinner. But en soon a road The perils of a Pleasure- Horse Menoo. Are scarcely yet begun ; , The horse began to trot, and all A Potage 4 la Robert. Admired J, GoscuEn’s seat. . Stead be to a arains rade See le Diable. “ Geo-up!” he erie. The horwe gee-np'd Dory. erry ee sees, © ease you mg Pig’s Cheek with “Sauce Robert.” ht have passing well, Fie on such E bonria little boys! Kibob Kurry on s! . and at might fave foe They ought to be run in. Welsh Robert. Thgt boy st fret egpenred to be But such is the uestrian’s fate, Dessert—Bob Cherry. Now he he waved like a 7 oe bee? - and sumaphere Pray tot } ever- prema boy, Excuse ror Drinkixe BEPORE DINNER. pounded like a Bobby. To Whet the Appetite. es

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Apnit 2], 1888 Fa —- Vp wee UNG : ONG Gi Be a Ay

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= eo . — oo a oe rT eae wer aT eV SS eee eeESeaS lS ii

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Taper, 21, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 189 }—__——_— — (As sung quite Wuere and how shall ALEXANDER is mine, MY PRINCE! What are the words make me say ? on ors the bead to erext bi And, though he may growl, she ’ll manage to tame him, And tell him out etraightway, plain words not to mince, as And hold him for ever, My Prince! My Prince! recently at Charlottendurg.) I to meet him ? , Sma,—My income has been AN AGGRIEVED TAX-PAYER. When I next record my vote, I ask if Candidate ever made spun. Defend us from Grorce Joxuy, who is “ punny wise and pound foolish” as he would say. Y reduced by your friend and contributor, Groner Joxin’, from £3 per annum to £2 15s. Wonld he have done it, even if he had had the chance some amy od No. Certainly not. But recently he Settee So eaciing Pee He commenced ours, ConvertTeD Acarnst His WIL. Wheel and Woe. No, Joxmy’ Look out By One of the Disappointed Deputation. You ’p tax our wheels to help the Common Weal ? Lido this wheel-wrong very sorely feel. xion, or we ’ll your W And put our spoke in it! , We can see no joke in it. WITH ALL THEIR ART. ve the result next week. = Yours inquiringly, have * | celebrated in verse as “ The Reigning Toast.” The ‘‘ Toast” of Frz-Tuacxerar But weze-Soort. APATHETIC OFFICIALISM. THE SECRET OUT. 0 peanerort ae Grapstow®, pull uP, or your fame To zero and to It must, for the great Star of Science cries shame ; That true Boanerges, TYNDALL. He says you’re “ not wise 4 and, dear WILLIAM, you’ll see This alone is sufficient the matter to settle. 4 He’s such a big pot is Professor J. T., » And you—if ove a are anergy » . ALFOUR you may brave, or u OR, Front even Jouw Brieut, that polite letter writer, Bet yen are not in it with Trxp you know, vainly contend with so a smiter ? This ger of Science, this Sullivan, swears He was—well, clothed in light when you wore ‘‘ Tory shoddy.” Yes, malice might whisper that what he now wears Must be fastian, could he but see it, poor body. He girds at the Liberal Party as dogs For following you when he cannot, Great Cwsar! If Science only see straight when it slogs, This TyxpaLt, my Wri11aM, might well be a teaser. He chaffs you as pseudo-i ible. Oh! , One can see why he’s wrath at your -reliance. You infringe his Benepely there, don’t you ; For nothing ’s infallible now—except Science! Evident. paper,” said De Moorns, “that ‘The Prince of i Theatre the other night. What do visited some “ Tue sweet simplicity of Three per Cents” ? No, is that financial fine ty! Instead thereof, say the Kad malcontents, We've Goscuan’s “ dear duplicity.” Ar Mr. Curisry Movernet Moorr’s benefit, Mr. Anruur Ropzrts sang ‘* Queen of the Tarts” with his usual success. the last century the ideal subject of this song would ighteenth becomes the ‘‘ Tart” of the nineteenth centary. ie centres nant be fe-the Choose ?

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Arar 21, 1884 | Two VIEWS OF IT. Brown, “‘Snockxrs’ Tatsa! You mearp or voor MULLINS GETTING HIs | Tooth-paste | tured all over England and America on Neck BROKEN In THAT CoLLision !” Jones. ** An |—1tT 's as- -TONISHING HOW LUCKY some Fettows Anz! He Tow ue ‘Last TIME I saw Him BE’D Just InsvRED His Live ror TaREE Tuovs'p Pour’ et!” | NOBODY AT HOME, An Interview a la Mode. Nonopy was ‘at home,” and as to be interviewed as a pushing poli- tician, a champion pugilist, or a Musi Mountebank, Nozopy is a person of ImPosinG fer cremarene of demeanour, of middle-age, of average height, of medium complerion. He produced upon the beholder much the same effect as a scientifically smudged in Impressionist PorTRalt, the most positive and salient point about him being his extra-large-size diamond searf-pin, which blazed out like Srervus Prom a Haze or Nesvrovs Sran-pvst, or the eye-catching “‘Caps” in a of modern ing. Thence his extremities, bead and heels, brain and boots, seemed to off into attenuated and Advertisement. Raft and ureharged y with the putes’ Geese of and surcharged triviality, glaring forth like a Cyclops’ eye from a misty Cracumsacent Noxurrr, indeed, the secret of success in the two chief branches of st ge ae scominabel nebulosi Ty Bees an indescribab of penoengneienty 2s SaeyS t there was of him. ehhe Sa ana 1° ~~ raamnemera many — oe ante 1” a jected Nonopy, we a mixture cf Whistlerian =, Rae — found everywhere —in Se Pademeel nd and the Prize Prize Hing, at Bui House, and in Lapr wo eee naga = Se Seen nd Go Sate he, I am, in the Cuampron Homsve, and 0 ett a ene Cage, t be the Champion “ Ah! and Mercury in one?” said LW i : « Heroules be blowed ! ‘Apollo—not up to third-rate form !! Mercury —a mere mug!!!” cried Nosopry, contemptuoualy. rT ehonld just like te have Hencures ry a Forry-roor Rue! I'd Mitchellise him till he couldn’t hit half an oun, | or ‘land’ within half a mile of a ha “ You have not confined your attention to the Ring, | presume P” sai I, “ No, I teaaieohed a out in at the Book,” responded | Nozopy. “I’ve written, with assistance—the most Srartiine SznsaTionaL SHILLINGSWORTH, on and had it log-rolled into sixty editions. Picked up a shady story in the side-walk of Swelldom, cooked it carefully uk & wenthen-ege to Ge Law or Liszt, and the Shilling Scan-Mag sold like Plumper’s Skates or Purrep BY Patri ! Beside that I’ve patented been appointed i Commissioner on yo boola Qnetie Art in tHe Nursery! bossed a Sixteen-Acre Show, ran a Conservative Caucus, | started a Liberal Ladies’ Lily League, founded A New Retictor, and inaugurated a new School of Music, on the that not {n Melody or Harmony, but in vauead Tae Usovrermirrent Zoran Wal. is found the true secret of transcendental Musical Art. | have also shown, in a book of six hundred pages, that th, Occutt Dovstu-Acrostics or THE OprssEy ee e that Nesvcuapwezzar really wrote the Homeric | ‘cems. I have started a new Gallery for the eet of the great Neo-Teatray School of Art mil cee pee coer ' me), founded on the eternal _ PRisMatic Suupex! ! T am now hesi whether I will next secure the Billiard Championship, a Baronetcy, or the reversion of Tee Leapersuip oF THE LiseRaL Paxrr! And still I am—Nosopr!” or tipster devised. That formula is Bounce anv Bie Caprrats! | p | The world being largely composed of Jugginses and |Gapers, Credulous Geese, Sensation-loving gole- mouches, Humbug and Advertisement are the twin Arts to make Somebody, Everybody out of—Noxopr!” LOVE’S LABOUR LOST. Act IIL, Scunz 1. Shakspeare once more adapted to the Situation. Biron- Bismarck loquitur :— I rorzxp, forsooth, by Love ? I'll be Love's whip, A very to an amorous sigh ; A critic ; nay, a night-watch ‘Deniable, A domineering pedant o'er the boy This wimpled, whining, pa _ more thwarted me. is wimpled, whining, pur wayward boy, This senior-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid : This lord of love-rhymes, brave with baby arms, The appointed autocrat of blood-and-iron P This of loiterers and malcontents Prince cas Went, Naeteee es Soar ms, Sole Imperator 7 Simy mighty nenet | ed yyy day te A And wear his oo! like a tambler’s hoop ? | I sue to Love! I, for a wife, the German clock

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— Aram 21, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL | ag “Ul a Ici: i sly Br pi oh te iit LB f es f hes ‘i sy ats i iy) Pi sisi i a of Commons, Monday Ni Benches old times to-night, facing ition Bench. — ny eRESE i) ‘ isis i cag ma _ The tov gra not likely to take on themselves w|| i yee Red ah SS ( / mil Ze J Ze Z YK, A, \ ”) " ‘) 2 me © King-Harman Bill ; so put it down first. P. Heaven’s first amor Old Moral B one stage this involved | sy delay before ny ey A them alt Pounds oy Pty At them all ribs by way of enf up from GLapstonr’s side > oy M ed | dexterously pulled Hzwny n ~~ proves on new victim. CuILp h-hh - a 3) behind his back, resumed his seat. Found himself on Faken p Zz \ , @ Pak au Hay! 4p Be ae hs ey, PN ” Ny ~ fa a ; iti Ya il ah Se oF " mY OA) an | | Wi yal Ii : Lia MIE Nit 2 a i SICA, Ae ony tj i” oot | wit | } LADSTONE over into dinner-hour by o 2 Sep headings ; but Five none but by kt “Sah lark ith Cx G. O. M. OWLER into vacant place, and

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192 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. {Arem 21, 188, Business done.—Budget Resolutions. Tuesday.—Old Morality had great triumph to-night. E tion. Comes up at united One; politi here is Epwargp Wark, of all men , wanting to momentous syllablee f rise, position to extend to Ireland an ment when it is made clear that "Copy heading. little, ing a li line. But how fresh the sentiment with what indescribable air of men burst into shout of laughter. dry eye. Grawpo.rn, sitting in at moustache. CHAPLIN, in corner After this, House with task. Crowd of Notices of Motion; aft Braptaven’s Oaths Bill list. Wants to get into Committee business steadily worked through, this be reached in time. So at Nine o’Clock, led by TomLrnson rice GRANDOLPH over to the enemy, tried Coun Motions run : says: imp of Bill Fowzzs's knees. So G. O. M. prodded Aim till positions were readjusted. to go back. The Prodigal’s return all very well once in a life-time “ Buppose he must get rid of subdued somehow,” says| But can’t be always upsetting our domestic arrangements, and Haxcovrt, who ly sits next to revered and is the | thinning out the most succulent from Ye and » principal erer. “Bi he doesn’t think it diplomatic in| Everyone s to see SuMMERS abont, floodin circumstances to pan out on Ministers, he prods us. Capital idea of | waste places in Lobb with sunny smile. Thought Brienr woul, CurLpers to wear of Votes inside his waistcoat over left ribs. | have manly oes ed him with that But Haxrinerow bm the other fellows best off. Sometimes f — ae epistle. Seems to have passed myself nearly prodded into dissentient Liberalism.’ armlessly over his head. If any effect hares in it, for everyone likes Old Morali by ; : fi hia moral reflections Triumph came at midnight, But there was | Member for’ Hasldersfield, when he was on Morality, solemnly — 2 gravely meets - eran ’s strained wiy beating time on as eaten and y There will which Orders —————— moment, quite sure that he’s swi him on one side at particular is visible, his smile is a trifle more childlike and bland. Bxrient’s hea artillery not nearly so neat as “ Bossy” nominated additional Whip. before the L tae begun to tell, and whilst yet the Dissentient Liberal ranks were unbroken. *‘ Bossy,” i nearly a year in office, mur- mured, with far-away look; ** Another Whip! Dear me, it seems that, the the muster to be coun larger the number of Whips.” Business done.—Debate on Second Reading of Local Government Bill com- menced. It was Friday.—Lords back toate, like iants refreshed, after Easter holidays. lunged desperately into business. Denman (** Bo like dear Mr. Dick is Denman,” said Douweaven, back from Ireland, where he has been droppin his rents, and raising his a movi Second Reading of Woman’s = Bill Cransroox moved that it read second time this day six months. ‘ What followed so interesting, made ver- batim note of conversation. Here it is:— “ Goin’ bock agen.”’ Mr. Dick. May I ask the noble Viscount whether that would mean lunar or calendar months? If lunar, by yonder blessed moon I swear —— Vagrants Act Amendment Bill disposed of after moderate discussion. Now Brapiaven’s chance. But enter De Conan with two Bills in hand and every Cranbrook. Order! Order! “ O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant m That monthly changes in her circled orb.”’ Besides, swearing ’s not parliamentary. Ask Hatssury. Lord Chancellor (admires Batrour’s policy so much, imitates appearance of having buttoned inside his waistcoat. Moves Belfast Municipal Fran- it rejected. cussion. ~ Oaths Bill in peril. At twenty =. minutes to Twelve Bucnanan Just in time to be Business done.—Mi Thursday.—Things beginning to look up. House of late grown so respectable that, regarded as a place of ontertainment, quite out of running compared with vestries. Public deserting ig Fe and Members habitually play to empty gallery. To-ni entirely changed. A piece of the old kind puton. Scene, : dramatis sone, those old favourites Panwect, O'Baren, Ditiom, and Tru eaLy. Josern Gris in the wings with old familiar smile on his face, and pemptats Sack le Sane. Aspect of House suddenly donee. Waal gy Te TE counter-cheers rang through theatre. For two hours and a half piece ran without a flaw. T. W. Rosseit took i Taking the through, be’s like a pend Find a third chise Bill ; takes Division and gets xt on ‘ Tae Baeax-Down In THE Queen’s Bencu.—A queer place for s Reading of Bill. Areeably |‘ break-down,” but the Judge, and all engaged in the case occu time a “stepped it” with alacrity when the defective timber gave timely struck, and then Oaths Bill | warning last Wednesday morning. At first the noise was ey = shunted. smile man-|to be occasioned by the Last of the ey Saar orn or th over j ° y t | which leaves us? and, if ELLE his Parliamentary manner with his legs. Just now got them ast under the table. After st le, rises to his columnar height). —er—don’t you think we’d better wait for Brother Henscagt? More in his way, doncherknow. His grandfather in the moon and stars business. Spacious firmament on high, and all that; a little out of my way. Mr. Dick. Must rale, or else I’ll take division. Lord Chancellor. Very well. Then, under circumstances, we'll say it’s lunar months. ouse then adjourned. It was finally settled that as the _ shrunk, the fault was attributable entirely to Party,”’ which, in this instance, ’tis as clear as beam. If they’re all like the Queen’s Bench, we any of the Divisions in the new building ‘* Superior “Harry Rervans!”—A House crammed in every part our Hewry and Eien on the Faustive occasion of pom Posts ance at the Lyceum. He has madea of dollars, and yu Mephistopheles he looked uncommonly dollarous., Wuicn Is Ir ?—Recently the Gaiety advertisements have informed the public that “Miss Errew Farnen” is going to takes previous to her departare, &c., &c. A few days after this, the nights (alas!) of “ Miss Netix FaRren,” &e. We have never heard of * eer . “Nature” is our favourite. But both,—well, we shall grieve for Nxxuiz, ed Eg but we shan’t Miss (} NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. there will be no exception. will this rule

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SATURDAY. > £ o >? - a) . I o 4 c 2 2 # It is greatly to be commended ; it indicates all the most attractive | The NEW EDITION, with sdditional Ilustrations, Price 12/6. stretches of scenery ; it directs attention to ruined cloisters and ancient manor houses, to quaint farmhouses and cottages, to old-world hamlets clustered out of sight in the shadows of their grey old church-towers, It recalls the legends and historical memories of the past, as it is fuil of interesting reminiscences of the author's artist friends."—SATURDAY REVIEW. BY G. D. LESLIE, R.A. oe 41 i Wik ne S000 DE - ee are ae 2 o——8 PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, mpahy me AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS. SECOND VOLUME Now Ready, With FRONTISPIECE PORTRAIT of JOHN TENNIEL. Royal 4to, gilt edges, Price 13/6. “The Second Volume will be more attractive to the present generation than the preceding volume, because it embraces a period more within their own recollection. It would be difficult to find a more agreeable, or for the most part, a more accurate and justly proportioned epitome of contemporary annals,” HIAROIAN. 33uHL F2O0tha “SON3d st the General Post Uliice as s Newspaper.) = eet

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Aprarm 28, 1888. THE ENGLISH ILLUSTRATED MACAZINE For MAY Profusely [Dustreted, price 64; by pest, 66. The Nomb-1 contains — 1h. Kateor Wilkeim L Fingreved by B. Scbiadite. B Beme Recollections of Kaiser Wilhelm L oy | GO. M. Rhedes litustrated & The Mediation of Bardsiet. Chaps. EXVII—KXEX. (cont By Prot. W. Minto. 2 eee Ry Clement scott © Ctimpese of ona ae Homes. IIl. Hinching- bre \saceth Kaich, Illustrated. o Gcaching Dare and * The Dower Reae Pert ii By wes Outram Tristram. With liuetrations by Herbert Raliton and Hugh Themecn. 7 Lf: « lr Chlld. (To becontinesd) By Agnes ailand 6 Bt Cetera. By H. D. Teel MACHMILIAN & ©O., LONDON. New ready Sixpence), New Series, No. @, THE CORNHILL MAGAZINE for MAY, containing. among other articles of interest Tee Ravesdropper,” Part 1.— The Grand Tour "Mr. Sandford,” TV.-VIl.—* Wita the Duke”-—"'A Lifes Morning,” by the Author of “ Demos,” “ Thyreze,” &c., Unape. TK. and X., ac., &c. Lenéos : Surra, Booen, & Oo., 6, Waterloo Place TO STOUT PEOPLE. Sereey Trees says: Mr. Ressell’s aim is te FRspicaTs, to come the disease, and thet his treat- ment i+ the true one seems beyond ali dowht. The medicine he prescribes pows Bot LOWER, BUT BUILDS OF a¥ DP TONE? THE eveTe®.” Kook (116 pages) with recipe snd netes how to pleasantly and rapid! Onerry average reduction in frst week is post free * stamps Y. C. RUSSELL, Woburs House, Gtore Street, Bedford Square, Londos, W.C, cure ibe.), A tmperrony aatics, gestion, WSTIPATION, LIVER SKIDNEY DISEASES, Disor “OUR NEIGHBOURS,” PARTRIDGE & COOP STaTIONERS, 192, EET STREET. Mesers. 0. ¢. & T. —_ Mi, MILS io ye Bpecial s'est Laaeae Mouse Property a Cela apd Nevreigia Best QUININE TONIC &-UF FP. Newsesy & Some, GOLWEN HAIR prvauces the beau ts eomued Warranted VAN" PURE SOLUBLE HOUTEN’S BEST & GOES FARTHEST. “It is admirable.’—BrITISH MEDICAL JOURNAL. COCOA SWEET ‘SCENTS. LIGN-ALOE. OPOPONAX FRANGIPANNI. PSIDIUM MAPPIN & WEBB'S ELECTRO PLATE. “Eve” but OTHE Fabrics ¥ bor’ can SAMUEL BROTHERS, MERCHANT TAILORS, OUT: RB, | 65 & 67, Ladgate Hill, Lospox, 2.0, srs | MATCH BOX are tlemen's especially adapted | con-tructed im the Maap "(Regd.) > USEFUL PRESENT FOR GENTLEMEN, |THE ALBERT COMBINATION (PATENT). CBs. ELECTRO-PLATED ON WHITE METAL: Piain os. 64 STERLING (Hall Marked Piain 308, 4 the latest imvention in uisites, an is substential end beaufuily | nished manner Sterling Sliver and Tectre tn Bech Bex is oo With a Pencil and Toothp’ nevi Hare Loi’ see bbaimonk in 8 eta A Coiun.es. Prices COLT» FIREARMS Co. ,i4, Pail Mall, Lepdon 4. W. to wateb-chain and carried comfortabi coat pocket. Sent post free on :eceipt of cheane or Postal Oruers,&c. Money refunded i not approved. —-ddress, P. CHANCELLOR, 1, Bprssersp Pracs, CLeegpanwert Ga cay, Lowpos, “food, end. Gold teatale G00 does etesieee |soin BRINSMEAD & SONS’ PIANOS 16,20, and a, WiGMOKE Sth STREET. L LONDON, Ww. THE WONDERFUL DISCOVERY IN WEEDLES. MILWARBDS’ D! Ride br Os d CALYX-EYED NEEDLES, THREAD WITHOUT THREADING. Henes Micwano & Sons, Waghford Mills, Redditch. THOMPSON AA '$. DENTIFRICE WATER, "Seid slrvet, t Liverpocl, tod Bt BL, Piccadilly, Manchester. WRU yp ygens 18 NEW Bony « MM py STW. if pow elle (Bucept | ondon Say Tem te Globe, and Mill wa! asia SUNDAYS AND BANK HOLIDAYS UBLE RES EDGAR SHAND, eneral Manage THE VICTORIA STEAMBO.T ASSOCLATion, LIMITED, Offices, Suffolk House, Cannon &t., London, Bc GRAND ae TRAFALGAR SQUARE, PMs a8 FINEST SITUATION EVERY LUXURY axe COMFORT. MOST RécHERcHE CUISINE. - VERY MODERATE TARIFF. eSerAy, Son 50” OXFORD.-MITRE HOTEL ONE OF THE MOST ECONOMICAL FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE KINGDOM TRELOAR'S CHEVIOT GAnrETS SEAMLER§, BORDERED, A1L IN OTHER sizZs. TRELOAR & SONS, 68, 69, and 70, Ludgate Hill THE PURE WHITE P .afLYQERINE SOAP" and Preserves the Skin and Complesia & GROSSMITE, bed a STREET, CITY, LONDON. ls. 64. Box of 3, at Chemists and Grocers, or direct ne am Sees PSS tha oor. iSisreetes 7 eerie ROWLANDS QDONTO Whitens the Teeth Oe Chociiom and fumers. eter oe oe except Rowiagd’s—the only genaine ee -2 So ee ERE-SE-Se SE 3.2 S338. se | pe

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Aram, 28, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 193

QUITE “TAKEN” BY LES SURPRISES. w’s “* comédie,” Les ises du Divorce, which M. Brsson’s entitled Sopris rated = have been sufficient to on the theatre for another ingeniously farce. a em ne dialogue s0 crisp humorous, that the piece would “draw” in London houses : ae et. Loe th at t. urprises = and most

“ Coquelinant ” at the Royalty. than CoqvELin, supported by the popular comedian thful Jean Coquetmw and the com: ULANGER, by the way—whom M, eatre. that Mr. Hare is t — incl am hoo got toguthor ot The an English version of theatre. If so, the adapter, have a difficult task, as much d

oo _ 2-oc @ - 5 2” \E — “<=

s A Wertsumay, Tarry was” —anem! — That ian Welsh

MR. PUNCH’S INDIAN POSSESSIONS. THE Indian Daily News of Monday, March 26, has been received at our office, containing the following intelligence : “ Mort Sivou, the Rajah of Punch, has come into sudden notoriety b the imprisonment of his Prime Minister and family, and confiscation of thelr property, &c. The State of Punch lies about midway between Rawal Pindi and Srinugger, &c.” _ To interview Rajah Mott Stren, Mr. Punch has, of course, immediately despatched two of his best Rajahs-in- Waiting from his Home Office, Kuan Srvem and Mustapsa Sinen with A Note. Mr. Punch thinks it due to the Prime Minister to say that this is the first time he has ever heard even the whisper of any charge against and he is loth to believe that the t difficulty is due to Russian intrigue. The Two Rajahs will S accompanied i apy Suven, Muerarna Sinen, and Mot: Smren—who enjoy the far-famed hospitality of the Nuam Awrzrzan- Dovar—will be thoroughly harmonious.

THE RECOGNITION OF INHUMANITY. Waar would be the reasonable chastisement to award for a mis- demeanor no worse than an unprovoked assault by which a sufferer is but gri y injured and irreparably maimed for life? Well, as m perhaps, as seclusion for a term of some not too ura- tion. Such was the sentence stated to have been passed Recorder of Sheffield on two js aS ee : They had merel a esman. ows, and four of his teeth out, broken hs jaw, and inflated injuries styled “ serious” upon his For these eending, OXe wes awenkes seas ee = BERT as m as one month’s imprisonmen' instance, jus- tice, as usual in such wis Caeieeed wiligneny ; enlpstentine to precedent not ridi too much of the latter. But the reverse of that view of it was taken by the people of Sheffi At a crowded meeting of tions actuall con outbreak of animal spirits ? onus st eng, Serenade penne, and a whipping or two ste the: Gonpam Why, the defendants couldn’t have got so much as that unless violence with the graver offence of robbery. seem to have been cont to poten withous Oe Snes a fine. Was not that sufficient to satisfy the tigenas requirements of the Men of Sheffield? An imprisonment of two months’ duration for an assault upon a man is as heavy a alty as that usually imposed on the assailant of a woman orachild, Isn’t it? Anoruer “ Mystery.” — The Shilling Dreadfuls are having a fine time of it. All Murders and Mysteries. The Book-stalls of W. H. Surrn—or “The Smurrures,” as they shall be henceforth termed—are full of them. Among the latest is The Cliff Mystery, sts ingeskeble the cieay, tao ineaten a poodle of to ting more im the story, grea’ e a of i read. Perbape the Author wrote this shilllng tale alter a me —- of what he calls ‘‘ Chateau Margot.” Does he remember a couplet of Cuantes Dance’s in Blue Beard f— Margot. For drink, O’BHACKABACK, you needn’t far go. O’ Shack. I’ve searched for you through all the chAteau, Marcor. The quotation may not be strictly exact as far as the first line goes, but the cola is the one that may have lingered in the Aidéan memory. Let him get some ‘‘ Margaux,” and write another My ’ The greatest Mystery of all is, that there should be «

~ | public for all these ’orrible ! | NDS

Samana

“Sune as Firs.”’—Last Wednesday, April 18, was about as bad a day as any of the Witches in Macbeth could wish for. There was thunder, lightning, hail, and rain, fog, cold, heat. Quite a Variety Entertainment. Any Forecaster might have predicted it, or something like, without any great meteorological science, if he had only consulted the list of amusements for the week Fa eeareay we eee Uae perilous tan oh to Betealenl Santas announ or y O cruel fete! Poor Flora in a mackintosh and under an umbrella | As To New Dicriowany.—Mr. Gratuve writes sensibly about corporal punishment, but “Girling” is hardly the te bame for'a gentleman who has Kept « © Sehoa. Bing” would be a very good tel hio- v4 meaning “ Educating Se Boca TT boned bite up” world vignity, “1 bad charge ”n im up’ * ‘ of his edusation from bis earliest Boyhood ?” ”

li f i FPR AMER ipl ep since WN. .* vades naa

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(After a Celebrated Picture.) ‘ J] ’ ad if ; ‘ 1 en . — tina \ bin" Hp ‘ | \\ r wll lh, 76883 —-+ ill is ~ 6 z rm) a ww =F < a = x 3) z - | a « = = LA - ; \! ith WT Why WAT i NE AND s wy teat

“Care! Cuare!”—The late Mr. GzonozGopwim’s collection of | Brapiaven rv. Perers.—At the request of Mr, LasoucHER® the Chairs of Great Men brought in afairsum. ‘‘ Tazopore Hoox’s Members subscribed the £500 and costs which P Chair with a curious back, revolving so as to serve as a sold for | of Braptaven. “This,” as nineteen guineas ”—* which sum,” said Groner Joxix’, ever- | served, ‘is the first instance ready wit, “ cught to have been devoted to a chairy-table purpose.” | « collection of ‘ Peter’s Pence’ ‘**‘RITCHIE’S HIMSELF AGAIN! "?—— (7 ferther notice.)

[Apart 28, leas, | | ee, |

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——| ee —— (Till further notice.) —_~— ‘““RITCHIE’S HIMSELF AGAIN!” ee

| aFae |

Apna 28, 1888.)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

RY Ae aH \g ie Mi geen ai : Haya a. Ni Aap / ’

Mit ty TATE a vids se!

A ith. ett Ney Mt KY it! ee 4 As might ee been expected, the URNISS en “making it hot” ng of them in his lecture as reported in last Friday's Times. No one could more riately do this than the Fiery Fvnwrss. instructive and amusing Lecture. ogee deals with burning His next Ly probable

Goethe and the Very Dickens, Mephistopheles, ‘* The Spirit who denies,” is the embouiment of Lo Soepticiam, s. Prig, who “didn’t believe there wasn't no such person” as Mrs, Harris, is the ilius- tration of the Sceptic. The first includes the and a term which shall be a combination of the two dy well ex- press modern scepticism ; this term is P Mephictepbelin Princisbaecs.” Mr. Arthur ee — I cawnor sing the old Phyl line perhaps 7 —~4 ’ve heard) ; I do not like the old song As sold

My serious reputation I misty is Edn "Twill be correst if you ’t put “ The” (proper) “* accent on.” Someruine Like A Converston.—At the first conference of the Pastors’ College Evan- elical Association last Wednesday, when es Spurncron made one of his most and characteristic A ted

came tion. He was one of the “ inko A Diremma.—The Te ed oot tke Sore, beh, os Ce Gils hand, it ow

TR pA nS) SO a ee ee |

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196 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Aram 28, 1888, | THE WATER-COLOUR INSTITUTE. Sre James Lovrom, you srandah has e moet enplasant sine Near it Taomas's “* Verandah” has a most Bat, as as one you can never Clever “* ful Du OT ENEIE, that’s ie wen the line. i ae ‘“\- qi “ Our Jolly Young Water-(Colour)-Man.” Here’s James Onnccn’s “ On the Solway,” Euwzst Parton paints us birches, Anruvur Srvexw Mussel-gatherers who fly from Morecambe Bay ; While our Keerzy Hatsweitiz shows us quite the loveliest of churches [ing Grey.” And wel) Josern Kwieut ’s depicted what he calls “* The Morn- In the next room we’vye some WrxEpons, which are Wh yoo G has made his Turveydrop perfe ~ yt ile Cuagies GREEN as ect as Would that Gurcorr’s ** Marooned”” were far less hot inartistic, As « contrast, note how Write or how East has treated sea. Hv _ eed 8 “‘ Fishmongers’ Hall and View of London create and there’s cleverness in KILBvRwE’s old gavotte ; Epwiy AY £8 has shown us trawlers crossing hea hile Stocx’s soul in contemplation rivals even Ubdibam’s Beoer. Peni on ¢ we note Count Szcxenporr’s “San Remo,” then the Chamber Nasu hen fay pointnd ; and a picture tells the tale Of how men are sore : there the Seot reads on undaunted, In “ The Covenanters” Yealing that the bible will prevail. mea Ba “Wealth of Woodland,” Tznnr's “ Interesting In “A 7, the Koran,” sol the auditors are mute ; And there’s many another painter who deserves his meed of glory But the bard has spun six stanzas. Quantum suff., O Institute THE “PRODIGY” SONS. Tue infant Orro Heonzn—a name vy: of a chick scarcely out of its shell—has, it “4-2 ~ at the | ris Musical sent the interests of high-class mune, it might be above’ 3 sent the interests with Oe ee canal cas The there‘ role ight and |i and | Wherever J —_— | VOCES POPULI. AT A BOND STREET GALLERY. Scunz—Exhibition Rooms of a well-known Art Dealer's, where the collection of Ji First Prosaic Person (after ng tars of of coast scenery by “ Mr. William a. “f “Bidham™ it’s all right ies it’s not past om an Co) I _ caguely defrauded, ly). + if wee SN, mat A. are ad — alike. to be A... ¥. ae Pre et better oe ie anh con ll tha yi re, [ They enter the inner Gallery, which is draped in dull carnation ry ellow, and hung with sketches is Samant ol gold ys copper, arranged in somewhat ar order, Vusitore are moving slowly from one picture to the other, making enthusiastic comments in a reverent w es P. ae eee et aren about 4 more We it. | Very abou 1 aon > PP. reed ‘inoy iaight matral Bf orl go as far as can, bu mig ve hung ’em in ai than this. Will you get a Catalogue, or First P. P. (without age hana pockets). Well, I’m not sure ar at I have vs ay ee abou tite panes girl, who sells them, will give you ro ¢ ee ask First P. P. ed itow the doo am T to ask for cas, when I don’t bnoert Second P. P. Oh, ie wot it, then, I’ll make her understand somehow. (Goes u Jap. Lady, and proceeds to gesticulate elaborately ‘Ss as sie ) You give me—one book, I give you— . Lady (sedatel a 3 You understand ; Lenastiiiget epaelitie But the Catalogue seekspence— a. give you change. Second P. P. (returning to friend with ). Wonderful how you can get along with | I never have ee proceed to examine t owes P. 5° 1 wonder wey HE Oh “il got a little red spot on the Second P. P. Oh, they put that on to show they’re sold. Same as a star, you know. Second P. P. taggered). Wal gon OTL, (staggere ell, you on it, it isn’t} done without some an. 2 he don’t Y iinweh his things more, more, | isn’t it Firat'P. P. I daresay he wasn’t given time. I’ve heard the| authorities are very particular out r4| yk q sketch | rllage a oy ) Those Chinese lanterns aren Second P. P. N-no, but you can get yom anywhere a An Ancient Amateur (with loud voice, singly ly to Manager). | I congratulate you—very attractive exhibition you "ve got here—er- ceedingly so, indeed ! oan © potent pareReow). © It’s as Manager (foresees success, asa -— Hd pet seen the Press noti | 3, mounted on pieces of carters | The A. A. ie them pe I don’t —* any ny Papers me what to admire. I say again, bly Ann | wes here—I don’t care who hears me Manager. ay a A pence ero 8 fine one, look at the purity of | that colour, now? And n The A. A. Jen's 16, te eet ht Welly if Mr. (montionsng nom of worth Painter), was something he might find | w his attention. Manager. TA he ein ho Galler Ah! there he is. Would | you like to be introduced to him ? The A. A. (with condescension). means! (Introduction effected accordingly. mystified.) How are you ?—how ou? , yn Loe to my — than ever, is.) fase nil chowt’ these things I daresay ae name when I mention it. (Im y.) I’m Jappeaiey, 5v. I’ve been to Japan. (As if the R. P. hadn't.) : ; Usp Ba ales 9 amet crowd has collected, under the impresswn that the A. A. is the Painter himself. The R. P. ret deh vague). Oh, JaBBERLEY, to be sure—of course! And have been out there? The A. A. say I know ing of atmosphere. ainter sl Very glad to Sore te | I deal while sk pen atieatiend Gis °F been)’ cod

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Ree eee ey * | « || SsBe SEVEN S855 F815 §& . ¢ 83> ¢5 @ PSE eS PHS Seacses & &@ eeaul

Page 292

Apri 28, PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI Ail Pilih ~ } | it | yf i | | Ht i} Die

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ij MOVANT

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Page 295

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

L’AUDACE!! “De Vandace, encore de ¥ audace, toujours de T audace!” Ow the old quest, and after the old quarry A No che orm Saoamaine tock. F stale, and

ae a = le A OG a” le easily ills ( . es = SS — SSS eS - : _ 4° i“

SS Sem _- — == Se = ) \ } r os ie ees ( ig ye Vs) Z l Py git Z td ithe |! x Ih ih WHAT OUR ARTIST (THE IMPRESSIONIST) HAS TO PUT UP WITH. Our Impressionist. ‘' Vary SLoppy, isn’t tT!” Our Lady Critic. ‘‘ Wt1,—I sHOULD NEVER HAVE DARED TO SAY 80,—BUT, SINCE YOU MENTION IT YOURSELF, I HONESTLY conrEss I THINK IT’S VERY SLopPY InpEED!” Our Impressionist. ‘I’M sPEAKING oF THE WezarueR!” Our Lady Critic, ‘Tas Weatuen! On, THe Wearuer isn’t Storey!” _

you may find useful next time you go, You get some —oe€ ordinary riee—you follow me? (General interest on part of Public.) ell, you boil it, strain off the water, and put in your skies pp ~y ~ see? (Suppressed fury on part of R. P.) You'll find it’ll give a glaze, Sir, that it take you a lifetime to get in any other way ! Ani (impressively) there’s this advantage—w there’s your rice, as anak as ever. Now, you i pee to have been of any service They’re simply too lovely, al/ of them. I Village at Knightsbridge, you know! ve got the hat’s No, 56? Slender Trees ””—at least (cautiously) down 4s. First P. P. (blankly). Oh, a title, I’ d the next ? Ph Po Fa Cape ne to balan as bere). ‘*A Japanese Fifine at air,”’ what at the Fair? be ti guess ?

‘ pm ny & yy ay General poxapems appears in » generally accompanied GUERRE. ly led pe ae ad aR or —ga donne d penser.

Page 296

“THE SERMON QUESTION.” Curate (Musical), “ Bur WHY DO You OBJECT TO HAVING A Hymw DURING THE CoLLECTION !” Rector (Practical). ‘‘ Watt, you szz, I PREAcH a Goop Sermon, wHicn I CALCULATE SHOULD MOVE THE PEOPLE TO AN AVERAGE OF Haty-a-Crown EACH ; BUT I FIND, DURING A Lone HyMN, THEY SEEM TO COOL DOWN, AND IT BARELY BRINGS A SHILLING A HEAD!” NOVELS AS THEY ARE WROTE. Awxtovs to discover whether there were any grounds for the statement recently put forth by Mr. Waren Besant in regard to the work of the i Vas moving —_ * the effect that ‘ situation was ever yet depicted that did not cause the au anguish and tears,” and also | his with a view to ascertaining how far the writers of modern fiction, before they are able to impress their readers with the force of any i situation they attempt to describe, are under the necessity of first practical it fully themselves, our Commissioner, in — 4 wrth hit announcement made lat week, bas been hurrying abot cd Fog ‘noe md -known authors, hopes of throwing some subject. ollowing inquiri he has been enabled to make in the interval. Mr. Wattrer Besawt. He not only cries and i a is he carried away by | while Sometimes, in depicting over him, and even rushed into an has dripping, to finish his a. he emerged But he is ant has enabled him brought it down. That is ho his inspiration. He felt intensely the neces- sity of realising every line he wrote, and become almost a his life had in consequence succession of gymnastics. Mr. Marton CrawrForD never puts to paper without “tears and anguish.” When in his recent novel, Paul Patof, he began describing the eccentricities of the hero’s mother, he had to be removed to Bed- lam to finish it. He weeps copiously over every line he writes, and never sits down to a fresh chapter without ing first provided with a large supply of pocket handkerchiefs. Marie CoRELLI is powerfully affected by her own conceptions. en in the production of novel Vendetta, she was # engrossed in her subject that she felt herself several times impelled by an almost uncon- trollable impulse to waylay the tax-collector and stab him witha -knife. Thus she nourished a real thirst for vengeance. Even her publishers were at last afraid to meet her. Mr. F. Ansrry, the moment he sits down to his study-table, is so conscious that he ought to put som funny on to paper, that he not unfrequently goes into such fits of laughter that he is utterly unable to hold his pen. When at work on his Fallen Idol, ge yh, often in pa from this cause, e produced greater portion of it in company with his Medical Adviser, spirits by the sdeiaieteetion of power spirits by the admin 0 ; sedatives until the last chapter was finished. He wrote the whole of his first novel. Vice Versa, at a scream. Mr. Hawcey Smanr feels that, to reach is readers, an Author must put himself in the position he endeavours to describe; he has therefore written every line of his latest work, The Outsider, on the knife- board of an omnibus. : Mr. Lewis Carnot expressed surprise that it was not generally known that he wrote the greater portion Alice in Wonderland ile standing on his head. This was how he Sythe ot cently on a new wor the production of which he had turned fre- quent back-somersaults. He fully conearred with Mr. Watrer Besant’s proposition.

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HE || * | EF. es - BES Poa? & ERPRERE Br oe ———— OU URES SH BS RZ SSH FAR eR FP zs rs ' Arai, 28, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. passed Second without saying s nil ‘a E ie : i g oe ** Speaks so fluently,” said Gzoncr Joxiw. Using entary sense, Jackson burst the boiler, Bill rej overwhelming majority. Pn fite hey - tm yh w you t ing ou ° that includes a lena os home in « boiler, and fluent about flues.” Business done.—Immense! I! thing half a score of Private Bills debated and disposed of!!! Jackson erged triumphant out of Boiler Fiue!!!! So when time sacs pa ees onN Simon — “A Seterte sels him on OWLER brought up reserves, dinal Mayyine, an in ceeded in adding rare relating f ten story of how eat Dabs who loved i

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Aram 18, 1893

Thursday.—AnTuvur Batrour really confused to-night. Generis ht that coe of barbarous been reached w theug " eat depth cruelty Now Swrener's aA are Das s0Un Seep than o est white Eitan ara resuming debate on Local Governmen' Business done,— SwEENEY's suspenders solemnly sought. day .— at last. Sixth night of debate on Second T = Sgt Ne = mene my He + with o-nl - omen impromptus. “Went for” his friend and tate CuHamMsBExtatn with great Only CHAMBRR- se ee nee A y- Quite Business done.—L06 read Second Time.

VALUABLE LEPenie’ FRACWeay. ‘on It is with much wean extract from a new histori <a ee ee eae talline, seems to have been written by the joint i Authors of _the latest Hay- market success. Scaxz—Hampton Court. Wits of the period discovered ae Lady of the Court. Ah, Mr. Saenrmayw and you I have read to ‘ou will have great it ib Maes Sheridan (south a low bow). It Tt should is — heavy [AU laugh. a Put that in your next comedy and bury it. [ Takes a pine snuff and n Crsser. Some laugh. Coliey Cibber. It w be safer in the 8 Dictionary— there no one would read it. [Takes snuff and nudges Suxnmpan. All laugh. Johnson. That is a matter of opinion, Mr. Crsszr; but remember, as Boswett says, we cannot make « silk purse out of a sow's ear. [Dayrpew, Creper, and Suernrpan nudge each other and take emul Jounson scowls, Some laugh. Herald, The King! Flourish of trumpets. Enter Wr114M THE Turep and Queen AxNE with Court, iiss. Where is the Duchess ? Colley Cibber (with a low bow). I presume, Sire, you ask for the Duch-ess as a Dutch-man? [ he King smiles. All smile, except Black Page in the corner. Flourish of trumpets. Enter a Duchess of Martporoven. King. 80, my Lords and Gentlemen, ator: by Fao Court, and you are pleased with it? Only the Black Page smiles. Dryden (with a low bow). y, Sire, we find no comer in Hampton. [Au laugh. King. Quite so; but it is not every bird that knows his own nest on a market day in ber. (Half the Court laugh. Colley Cibber (hal, aside). That depends, your Majesty, on the company ! me Nearly at all laugh. Defoe. But you forget that two’s ome, and three Nudges Perma, who chuckles, nudges Comer © CreseEr. Swift (sat Ex Ash SD hivg om radi cer et eat 8 te rs o that a miller in a white hat RoR See king. nudges Jouwson. Ali ~~ inewe, le laugh aside

go cane, Steele. Which would be a hoe neararake. (All laug

hen | spade guinea by AvpIsow. pence, and although I who would be a pound foolish—or a MaRLBoROVGeH, using fa a I can well believe that, for I ha’ it em upty | [ The Keg laughs heartily, and Everybody in conoulsons a the back. Musie Dictionary ! King. Tou’ Aeend him too hard ; King. A Scone door! are strong be merciful! Dryden, Merciful, Madam ! King. Well, and what is the latest news Majesty, that Queen Anne is dead! Curtan. Addison. Talking of rakes, I suppose you would buy one with , [ Takes enuff and offers bor to Deron, who Some and why not? A shilling is, may be a penn anaes Sone ens Heat [Exit the Queen, much annaynd, folined By by the have often been to the Treasury ; "Deyo (bowing obsequiously). With your Majesty’s pardon— ‘o King. Well argued, Master Poet; but methinks Crener, there is as much news in « hazel nut as an Colley Cibber. And so, Your Majesty, I take Sheridan. Which is all you can take without (Conant CrasER growls and exit slowly, as if not having oe ne try te aya nd Jomo a. ‘ai try to : remember broken on the wheel you eannot expect it to turn out a butterfiy. Sheridan. Saving your Majesty's presence—except it be woll-bred, Like a half-open door—not oe, but—— verybosy roaring with laughter, La ly of the Court (rrnwtieed wlth merriment), Ney, Bive, - vty Ia good sooth, y ie t, like your wigtt, should tnrn the pe a fish does ! : Re-enter Cottuy or Colley Cibber (with a profound bow). yr regret tl your

—=s

it. Ezit np hp

— lag

DaeypEw on the back, everybody else on

Coxtzr

my coon the help of a French

that when a grub is

[Some laugh.

laugh,

Y\ ) The Old Lary 4 Waterloo Place Weteran, 5, Pall Mall East. Time,” three | And a picture by Guuypont, which is hard to ak rhyme. iy ae y Miss Marroyeav, fer is thyme By Brevis, Boyrcer, and Brapiey—but aw me just to state— ; "twill repay you If youll drop in some fine morning to this Watet-Colour Show: Somme by 2 MAY MASS OH ME ot THE ROYAL SOCIETY OF PAINTERS IN WATER-COLOURS. You ’tt find a vast variety of pictures here to con, Here bright, and true as ever, is our — i _ Joun! And Miss Montana's An SMALLFIELD'S * 8i bh Hurvt’s fresh ’ ped’ Meenas pellucid breakers

Brexet Foster's skilful hand doth ex-

quisitely a co) the beauty of “Verons’ 5 Market Place ; | Herpert U SHALL’s London Views I are full of London ; tone +s

Venice is delicious you

will own. ** Loiterers,” by Atrrep Fnairp, the “ Quay Pool,” done | Hatz,

view you will not fail;

landscapes deli elig Lted' yen you vil

and by

well, I

Tue Deamarisr 1x THE Lossy.—Mr. Joszru Noxaw is said be engaged on bringing out a new version of The Stranger.

uP} NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. im mo case be there will be no ——

To this rule

Page 299

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Page 301

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Page 302

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Page 303

Mar 5, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 205 THE ‘‘MODEL AGITATOR.” ——— xcT1oNs Pos Usz.— When ready to start, place the toy upon the floor Pins my of Commons, and (with or without ivodlecend ay little w te proceed to the table during the address of the CHan- CELLOR of the Excuz- QUER. These in- structions being faith- fully ob- served, i wine | ab- sor’ in- terest to the . SPEAKER and the Members of both cides of the House, and is calculated to raise an important point of order. VOCES POPULI. AT THE FRENCH PLAY. Scerz—A British Theatre, on stage of which that irresistibly Sunny farcical comedy, ** Les Vivacités d’un Vrai a with the celebrated M. ‘ATATRAS in the principal rile . oo i coutes of Y “* Les Vivacités,” though comparatively w i be pownfally and — by propriety would be pain, scandalised in a literally translated version, but shte in their native form, do how the tes of the highly both sexes and various ages who ogame M. Pontes Mitte, detailing the story of his domestic unhappiness to a cynical friend, interrupted by frequent merriment from the audience. | Inthe Stalls. British Matron ioe (conse mirth is far less restrained than it would be in any other Stalls). Oh, it is yapeuang! I’m sure | don’t know what it is that makes one laugh a (And, to do her justice, she does not in the least, the only phrase she caught “* Et c'est toujours comme ca!” But it is so silly not to la when every bly Sabor British Parent (to ee Docphtor whom he has brought here with 4 view to Footed how far she has profited by that year at the | Boulogne Boarding School— he himsel -% “a little te | in his | French. ”) Well, I haven't heard you h much yet! Thought a te understood the language ? | a (hurt). I do, Papa, I understand every word they Bt .. don’t always uite know what the jokes mean. | BP. (indignantly). this is what they call education nowa- jon Ah, well, I ey Pee ap my money, it seems. On the Stage. Mile. Maa BE, as “ Mme. Gandinois,” says to Visitor,‘ Asseyez-vous done, je vous prie; vous nous ferez |’amitié de diner avec nous ce soir, n’est-ce pas?” The Visitor. ‘* Comment mais c'est moi au contraire qui,” §c., Sc. In the Dress Circle. First Briton (with a smile of subtle a ciation). Very smartly written, this dialogue, ch ?—£ t last bith [ He chuckles wickedly. Second Briton (who has been secretl frp ae wouldn't oon eundedly J fast.) Full of esprit— ! We're no match tan tocds is spoken on stage, which convulses the initiated ; both Britons a little late in laug and resolve to watch one that before end of suspects tear gg Ses ae, side.) Ah, = envle!” Roars of laughter. exem rs 0 tte EN shall not think her dull ie (who is JOHN s her handkerchie hief). Ten’t it killing ? to think her rather too lively, with a might find it « trifle broad—but beginning ane confusion). Oh, I thought this twoorst me people that’s ece was all of Frene sat g you never [ Wishes they had gone to “ Dorothy” instead. BETweEN THE ee rend). Enjoying i nab Oh, 80 wba Fi ft oe actly Sate -) You know, I didn’t First Lady. Oh, but one doesn’t— into it) by’degrees, you know. You'll find yourself besinnting to yoga ‘accustomed to it Sy the'time thoy enzo te tho onl af Ob laa Aab-ks least Meats oxy ce. Plain Man to Guts Motion }, Gomnieal piece, eh ? grad ye meee ae the drift of it at all ? v ARS . (who has spent much of his time abroad), Oh—yes, I— _— = The P. “. So did I, first-rate, and without oO French either, mind to sbout eI go along, and lla I’m not far old chap in the cap was his daughter carried on—that was very she came in. oan Some was 0 On the Stage. Mile. Misavpiéee, as the inevitable ingénue. ** Bi je m’amuse ici! Fi yous que——” [She says something ony naive indeed, which is received with di the Stalin "Young Wife Wife (whe is nave meaning “‘ to take up in 'e (w alwa her French again,” to her husband, w her to understand that he is perfectly at home in “ ner no. Bot Haxzny, what was ae orry (cho ha been laughing en pis reputation) wo Tae Ay Wall 4 see—it’s im ee thie. hich it is, fe! him.) It’s Papen you Shoe ey Pe Close of Act. M. PATATRAS (after peeping trough, curtain, + Aie, aie! la dame de |’ombrelle TE ieee ig oy porte!” (Opens door and shuts it sharply.) la Baronne!” (Opens néral ! Tei eno ou me fourrer ? another, same business.) “Le Ah, sous le canapé ! ” { back wildly.) “Quoi? Ma femme k-basket. Other characters —ici!” [Sits down heavily on a wor. rush on, and form tableau as Curtain falls Chorus of Enthusiasts, in Stalls. It’s all so perfectly natural, isn’t it? So unlike our lay—did you notice how neatly they do all their business? and ensemble! How delightfully easy he was when he kicked the butler! Lan wasn't he deliciously fanny when he came down to the footlights and told us what he meant todo! So thoroughly artistic! Is him vy to hide that photograph under his waistooat. [. In the Upper Boxes. Portly Gaul, to Briton (who is laughing ndosirisols at everything). Trés égavante, la pidce, n’est-ce pas ? The Briton (who has a vague idea that the Gaul is apologising for being about to pass). Par de too, Mossoo! Gaul mptentened), Comment “pas du tout”? Et yous qui pouffez de rire! The Briton. Le Buffet ? c'est derriére—en dessus, I—I mean— au dehors ! The Gaul. Ah, yous riez done aux éclats sans avoir rien compris ? Vous étes un original, vous! The Briton (who feels that he may expose himself if he goes on much longer). Wee, Mossoo, vous avez raisong—sa a nes to lobby, and hears remainder of the piece from the back of the Dress Circle. Two Acquaintances, meeting at Refreshment Bar. First Acq. Wonderful actor, Patarnas! How good he was in that first scene when pe was explaining that about the—you remember ag saad ty mong I mean Ly), - doen mean any mn ene cond Ac ute. ay tht be outdone), iat that none’ with the—wi th the, ty my soul! where they w ! First Acq. mt doesn’t, of course). Lega gt but it’s all oot, By Go wag ( (confidentially), is there a boo of the words to be ¢ anywhere Second Acq. Just what I’ve been looking out for. Dvuntre Turep Act. Th Dough —_ {fo his (aalteri What ything ey may ter tespels everyt say ou explain ! "Pelion I know more about it than you! Tie p. (demurely). Then you can explain it to me, Papa (B. P. pretends he hasn't heard ; triumph of Daughter. At THE CLosE. Critical Pla (who has understood, on an about one word in fifty). I must say I was « litte disappointed with the dialogue—nothing like so witty as I expected ! His Friend (whose average was one in @ hundred). There were one or two good things in it, though—but, of course it’s P47r4rzs one goes to see!

Page 304

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL SiR J-HN L-BB-CK, THE EARLY-CLOSING NATURALIST, TRYING TO CATCH SPECIMENS OF THE " PARVUS SHOP- KEEPERUS” AND “ PARVULUS KOSTERMONGERUS” (GENUS ‘“‘CAUPO”), OPEN QUESTIONS. (For Early Closing—i/ possible. ) Is there no way of shortening the hours of overworked shop-assist- ants without worrying the already much- worried poor with yet further grandmotherly restrictions and limitations ? mensasfetes of Cho peur ap cuveatlel cundies pootobens toeemad to make rales for them sand a our would-be Ly know more about those i they do about the pelos of ding, the flavour of “almond whelks,” or the secrets of fed ert and where would Lbesty fiad a lurking-place at jose l tiplied by millions ’ y Should even a majority of ee ae nay early-closing may chance to suit—necessarily be allowed to dictate to a minority whom it may inconvenience and injure? ' May not the new evangel of Local Option be made the stalking- horse for much purblind tyranny ? or If everything were submitted to “the vuice of the majority, ** slight inconvenience Does not oe cales) amount to substantial injury and serious om > Given a hard-up family, a chance “job,” a pei father, and a0 early-closed shop, to estimate the exact effect of elements upoa domestic comfort amongst the poor, and the prosperity of petty traders.

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Ze ¥, Y Mar 5, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 207 _———$__—_—_—— Wy j \\I) sil i | f. i. AY | b MH Ws eT: a" T a il ‘ . fost : “CROSS PURPOSES.” li i} ‘uid “al HT, } | DOWN ON DONNELLY. Dzar Ma. Ponca, I must ask you to excuse my re- | turning to the —— ques- | tion (if colour my \ predicated of a ques- | tion, which some physicists would deny). Mr | DoswaLty, however, it, as usual; so it is all his fault, contention that | SHAKSPRARE could not have written his plays, because he wasn’t clever enough, might have done some time ago, but it will not hold water ‘now. If it be admitted in the case of Suax- | SPEARE, we shall very soon have some wise- acre denying that I am the author of Picco- viccius, because, forsooth, I am not generally regarded as an Intellectual Force outside my own Family Cirele. To balk the Donweiiys pad i sgain os my title to my great work, in colamns w no eryptograms d be tolerated. Your plain, honest, | simple, Ropgrick TWEDDLE. P.8.— This is an excerpt from Act II., where Dopson and Foae discover their passion for JutreT—but you shall see. Dodson. I love her! Dopsow loves her! What will Foee, (Courts, Wht JINGULUS say, when, thsvagh ¢ the musty On learned tongues, on tongues of flippant ’Tis nois’d that Dopson loves ? A butterd Pois'd on the black cap of the dooming Is love in Dopson’s heart. ome” Is served her image io may oceb- But soft ! comes, ame The portly Fooe attends, obesely spry bey se and enter JULIET followed ay Heep a ta snes Juliet. Oh! you beast. (N.B. This also occurs in Measure for Measure, Act iii., 1 Fogg. Nay, lady, lady, do not frown upon = a a of no common oe [me ! or me flies every prison ga And I will doom the surly ushers 80 That thou about the Courts shalt freely go. And so he w ges his wet, until, in high indignation, she fi eaves him alone. Fogg. vis was I born so fat, or why so What ~~ I said, what done? I cannot stay [speak f Where no I hide, what do, whom meet, how [ Dopson advanceth and toucheth him Dopsox ! PF. ee Then thou k t all? “ owes Deke. ‘ I do, Yet fear me not; hath Dopsow not a heart? Fogg. But thow hast never loved | Di ** Hast never loved!” I loved and lost—I loved and was betrayed. [ He draweth a double-locket from his poke. Look here upon this picture, and on this. That ’s me, Sir, five-and-twenty years ago, ang _ s the man she married Very likely. THe’ " a delicate matter. Dods. Hear me, Foae! Fogg. Dopsor ! Nay, hear me! Thus much I will say Thon hast a rival. Fogg. Ha! his name, his name! That I, “as swift as summary jurisdiction, Or mounting costs, may sweep to my revenge! / Dods, Stay—hither come they ; now retire and watch Their pretty dalliance. Na must come And be convinced and eo!) "Giddy poe. Tread lightly, for the trodden worm would be ao strong who turn’d when erush’d by Bat what happens after this I ma he relate to you another time. — Ovr Comic CHancetton.—'*No matter wae the objections to the ee Tex may e Government says, ‘We'll taz you.’ v BThink T sball suggest a tax on puns. Why nota vow yn in the pun? Tske care of the pence, and the — will take care of themselves, Yours, in great form just now, Geo Joxts G.” Ixion. Mr. G-sch-n loquitur :— Trep to the Wheel, and not Jove, Bat by my own rash ob ate y cove! Rat I must stick to it, and make them feel. —a not talk to the Man at the Prorrsson Henxomern, ARA., M.A., Oxon, and Honorary Fellow of Ali "Bouls, is making Hertfordshire y famous. Delighted as are also his ls with the county of their choice, the ‘lessor is now re-setting and adapting the "wab-bueen German song to be as verse and and to be entitled, erts, mein Herts!” Enetanp’s Natiowat Arr. — The East Wind. (Blow it!)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL A MOONLIGHTER AT BUSHEY. Proresson H-nx-m-n, A.R.A., INsTrvctina Master Henry Irvine AND Master = yo HARRIS HOW TO ILLUMINATE ‘' THE Lyconstant Moon.” (*' The Moon was not like the Moon ordinarily seen on the stage.” —Vide general journalistic opinion on the ‘‘ Herkomer Opera," ) GUNS AND CHARGES. From the admissions made ig other day by the First Lord, in answer to the questionings of Sir WiLL1aM Crossman, it seems that, notwithstanding all the tall talk about energy and activi - in high uarters, the Naval Administration “ the —s stil playing same wretched old game. Everything is, as usual, at sixes an sevens. It was elicited that the Camperdown and the Anson, though they would be completed very shortly, will have to wait till next March, that is till next year, for their guns, while aoe as yet forth- coming for the Austraia and Narcissus, now sendy oe to sea, but detained in consequence of being thus ‘unprovid with any arma- ment. Moreover, it transpi that the Collingwood, on board of which one of her 43-ton guns burst nearly two years 2 was still armed with the same type of ordnance, and this spite fact that the Admiralty officials at the time had ‘the effrontery to declare that the defective guns could be replaced in overs J few weeks. Such revelations of mismanagement ot “our first line of defence” render- ing our famous a = *‘ silver streak” as nugatory, as if it were little more than a poeti: pression, taken in conjunction with recent utterances of the Duke of C: of Campriper and Lord Wotszier on the military situation, are not reassuring. Certainly something ought te be done, and it is to be hoped that the Commission now sitting om FS oe eee « See Se Se ee Meantime it may be — that = Ge oy ordnance is not provided at _ — yards =~ 4 our “ big ” at head-quarters could readily dispensed w Better that an official tation or two should barat than That the whole Nevy should be ered to go deliberately to og Important To “Mew or THe Trxe.”—Anyone who has served his country, no matter how or in what way, wie be kar if Lord Satissury's plan be adopted, to undergo a sentence of ‘‘ Peerage Servitude for Life.” the | bedstead, to * hich it would lend, with a little arrangement, a striking [Mayr 5, 1888, | OUR ADVERTISERS. Cour p’ état Orncawistne, Drwastic, anp Orwer. ANTED a POWERFUL SYNDICATE of MILLIOy. N AIRES” who who will furnish him with fands s for the unde. taking, an ambitious and in a crisis of National al Srany, to ——- _ established hed Gotta his 1 y an adroit ap popular passions, to leap at el to a position of Su: e Authority and teen anifestos, and well 2 Fre must be capable of issuing vague Fang view Of As his Mission will fet: arts of acquiring a vulgar convulse than to organise he will not be trouble himself with any scruples as to such means as y he: to take to enable him effectually to seize the reins of Government, or to hamper himself with the vablication of any its futare conduct. Character no yea Mili indispensable. Apply to X. X., Café Americain, Paris. AE py el THIGET. = TO = — tion of an influenti: ewspaper Proprietor, y exalted and eligible post will shortly become vacant. this is to give notice that any intending applicant may forward his credentials to the | Central Asian Offices, Cork ~~ City, forthwith. A thorough | familiarity with Thimble-rig and the Three-card Trick essential. As | the post demands the exhibition of a certain amount of presence and jonny in its representative, a a, Member of a troupe of Bound- Brothers, who happened to be finding himself getting a little to ioeoy for the work, wight apply. Sg PATENT POTENLATE COMPANY. # rete ase HE PATENT POTENTIATE COMPANY has been Incorporated for the Pitine of supplying an any large or European State desirous of ki over its Constitution with a choice selection of ees and po tee of Rulers at the very shortest possible notice HE PATENT POTENTATE COMPANY are prepared to despatch a Monarch, ready made, to any address within half an hour of receiving the order. ne PATENT FOTERTATS weeeah an can furnish, «a mperor complete, wit appropriate parapher- Eagle, Orb, Sceptre, and any required amount of Imperial Purp e to measure, by return of post. a PATENT POTENTATE COMPANY keep a large supply | of Dictators always in reserve upon the premises. HE PATENT POTENTATE COMPANY is in direct “and immediate communication with all the discontented Pretenders in Europe. F\HE PaTENT POTENTATE COMPANY undertake to pe | sonally conduct any advertised coup d'état on the most reasonable terms. HE PATENT POTENTATE COMPANY furnish their Tarif | . Prices for Revolution on application. M ses. SOLOMANS & CO., COSTUMIERS, beg to intern | their Continental friends and patrons that with a view to meeting the requirements of any sudden European convalsion, they have recently supplemented their extensive stock of Royal and Im- | perial costumes by the addition of a large quantity of second-hand | coronatien trappings in good and serviceable condition. Several | highly effective AT. crowns for sale or hire. Theearlyi inspee- | tion of intending Adventurers is respectfully solicited. \% REAT BARGAIN.—A full-sized and handsome THrone to be | : y: of. Being the soca an og . rince, who is parting with it owing ynastic difficulties, no reasonable offer will be refased. The whole is covered with cotton- backed velvet, of a stout quality, which is as yet in excellent con- dition. If not required for immediate use by the purchaser, it could meantime be t to account as a canopy to an ordinary half-tester and imposing finish. Conspirators might communicate. MPER(AL EAGLE FOR SALE. — Warranted perfectly tame tame and docile. Has clipped claws and is of a sleepy disposition. As the bird, owing to several unsuccessful moultings, is not st nt very fall in the feather, no reasonable offer i be reteset ight be useful at a pageant. Advertiser would be from any Military Pretender aspiring to the Parple. nly ** Menagerie,” Mile End Road, TP\HE SURPRISE CROWN,—This unique i Novelty can now be supplied to ~ a of a Postal Order. Clapped ‘upon the of any causes the outbreak of a olution. Light and porte ied with ease in the coat-tail pocket of an Adven | assumed at a moment’s notice.

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REPE* 2aebo et y have 5 May 5, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 209 “ FIELDING ” AND RUNNING. mie THEearre.—Mr. BucnaNan has had his innings with Tom Jones, and now once more he shows us how he is at ING, | Eel fabe) | sheedebed | F2RRSe5| 2) 88] Fe) S| é e 6| FRGeeS| SREP FEE ass | ; * for even “\. Ine’sown redoubt- able Joseph to have about as FIELDING may be inconsistent with himself, surely Mr. Bu- CHANAN may pardoned for exer- cising his own ym be - é c Mr. Buchanan Scoring off his own Bat after Fielding. judgment when he has so captivating a heroine at hand as Miss Kare Rorxe. It will not now the success of Joseph's Sweetheart to remark that there is very little of Fretpmye in it, beyond the name. Perhaps Mr. BucHawan’s reverence for the great Novelist pre- vented him from doing much more than this. ‘‘ When he who adores thee has left but the name.” Joseph Andrews turns out to be the heir to a title: Fretpmve’s simple Mr. Wilson developes into Bucuanan’s Sir George Wi Bart., a considerable expansion of the original idea as represented by Mr. Writ1am Ricwotp. Lord Fellamar, the exquisite abductor of Fanny, is a character concocted by Mr. Bucuanan out of Bellarmine (the of an episodical story in Fre~pune’s novel) ,the sensual Squire and Beau Di per Lord Fellamar has nothing more characteristic of the fanciful oaths of the period than an occasional variation on ‘‘ demnition,” which reminded me forcibly of a Mr. Mantalini in a costume of the time “i. boom we Gipsy J kind of Tyke ] . BucHANAN’s Gi im, a ki 0! » picturesque played by Mr. Sirvan b not in Joseph dubvon at all; nor 4 Llewellyn ap Griffith, which , a8 played by Mr. Frepericx Tuorne, is, after Mr. Tuomas Tuorne’s assumption of Parson Adams, far and away the best performance in the piece. Here and , in his simulation of drunken- quaint little figure reminded me of Kopson. Two Roses bloomed here, and now Two THORNEs are ishi at = Vaudeville. h, with which e scene at Ranelag whi the play ought to end, is not, in Freip- Ings story, and is one the most amusing in the piece. I suppose it was 5 ited by an episode in Zom mg ae =m rs. Sup thoug’ a compliment to Fretpine’s hi emg 7 to say so—could be found ph Exiza ——— The ONES, Miss Jo Miss Rokk and Miss Vaxnas Lady Booby, stamped “ Fretprwe,” having a kind of old-world School-for- Scandal-and- Rivals flavour about it, on account of the costumes, ea re ee ughter, the stor i lost son, which is managed somewhat in this manner :— Sir George Wilson (greatly agitated, of course—to Grrsr J1x). You stole my child -three years ; ). Idid--and from that day to this n hting a d be pg vee Sade never have , Gipsy Jim (with dialect), I'l {find him. I’ve never seen him since the dark night I stole him out of the : ; : s Gipyy Jim (rush Long-lost Father pining for his Bon, ts a, =e him egol've never sen him from that day to aired 1 | son (Tableau. Curtain as quackly as possible, and no questions asked. Though Frecpine has provided some foundation for the introduc- tion of the coat-and-gipsy incident, which comes in natarally, ) Se nob seaneenees uv@ anything about Joseph Andrews uel, and, if he had done am sure the author's sense his hero to pad his manly _— breast with a volume of Parson Adams's sermons, and so take a mean of his adversary. However, “* Saved a Sermon” may ap to the y- i British arson Thomas Thorne Adams is a scholar. His pronunciation, followi Fre_prne’s accurate writing, of ‘‘ Heu- reka!” was most correct. He must then have some scholarly reason for saying, ‘' Vade retro, Sétanas,” instead of ** Vade retro, Siténa!” What may be Parson Adams’s authority for this What with “scoring a Z “getting another ran,” “ mak a hit,” “ having a good innings,” all the witticisms which the name of “ Frecpine” suggests to the es- p sional Mr. WacsTaFF, no one be surprised to hear that on this occasion ‘‘ Jack In THE Box” stayed at home, and his place (by the kind permission of Mr. Punch) was taken by Tae Cricket on THE Heantu. “ Gallant little Wales.” By Ove SevasHep Impresstonist.—Our own” Private’ View of “* Private Views” at Art ies is that just half the number of tickets should be issued. Ata “* vate view,” the place is and there is neither “ privacy” nor “view.” Bigger crowd than defer our notice,—‘‘ Courts come to be the name of the recently started old Meat Market in Regent ? Why not call it The Rendezvous (or the Right Day View), or Fresh Meetiog if they can’to their publican’s licence, it will not be the Drinking House. Perhaps by on sssnngunens Ss USGS Out SEED “e edlline the First P.S.B.A., the Burne-Jonesians may yet be able to affiliate themselves to ‘The Licensed Whistlers,” 80 keep up their spirits. Ruin in Three Years! (A Prophetic Vision of the Right Hon. W. B. Gu-per-wn.) 1888, Imposition of a duty upon Bottled Wines! —e permanently established in Europe and war with rance 1890. Protection triumphant crerrinee, and England invaded by the combined armies of the civilised i!

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL j ~ TE S Pa & —— ii) hl ig 4 . A} Vat | f } a Mi hn 7 at 4 ' PY Gira D fetes? pieeent L/ s 4 . . " . i I Abbe sie hi fle Td i uly Tea , Wi if eM NU i ig fe is Vt aoe H “ ¥ i i Li | A 4 May ai; | | (Mar 5, 13g, | SSS Two VICTIMS Lord Charles, ‘‘ Wet, Jack, HOW'VvE YoU GoT oN TO-paY! SHILLINGS —aND You |” The Hom. Jack, ‘‘Ou, avout THe same! anv Tueez Hatr-soverrions ! — OF THE TURF. I've TAKEN NEARLY Ten PoUNDS—MOSTLY IN SIXPENCES AND Berrer THAN STARVING IN THE COLDSTREAMS, BH!” “TAKING SOUNDINGS.” On Board H M.S. " Opposition.” Will G. (in the chains) sings— * If, my hearty, you'd not like a lubber appear, You must very well know how to hand, reef, and steer ; Yet a better manwuvre ’ seamen is found, ‘Tis a tight little maxim to know how to sound ; Thus a sailor can tell from a bay to a shoal——” Bill H. (above). All very fine, mate,—and you’ve a mellow pipe | for an old ’un,—but if you’d remem your Drsp1w a bit better when we first started on this cruise, it ‘pears to me we might ha’ made a better run, and lost fewer of our best hands. Took a shoal for a bay that time, didn’t you, W111 ? Will G. Well, | was a bit out that cast, perhaps. But wait till the end of the cruise, Brit, before you pipe your eye. As to the “best hands” you talk of—rate, Birt, rate! Mutineers will be mutineers, and deserters will desert. Bless you, I’d seen that mutiny brewing, Britt, long before Joz and the rest of them parted company. ( 8. "Ti ye sokahed at land and I’ve sounded at sea, I’ve sounded a- , and sounded a-lee, I’ve sounded my quine at the randevoo- And I’ve sounded my purse without finding a souse ; What then? We've a brother in each honest sxul——” Bill H. Have we? Honest souls, then, must be in the minority, Wu. As to not i i —- the : have piled the shiners He, by finding a leak, once preserved crew and ship, _ Saved the Commodore’s life—then he made such rare flip! And yet, for all this, no one Tom could endure ; I fancies as how ’twas because he was poor.” Bill H. Well, how are we now, Witt? Wili G. Blest if lquite know. But it’s ticklish steering, anyhow. While this fog lasts, 1 must keep on sounding every minute or 80, or we ao be, aground anytime. But you are not down-hearted, are you, Brix! ; Bili H. Do I look like it? Haven’t I gs bold face on it from the first, and stuck to the old barkey like wax? Will G. You have, Britt, you have, (Sings.) ** Tight lads have I sail’d with, but none e’er so sightly As honest Buzz Harcourt, so kind and so true.” Though there was a time, Brin, there was a time—but, no matter; | let bygones be bygones. If Jack and Joz had been as staunch this | turn as you have, we should have made better headway. y bili H. Aye, aye, Witt. But don’t run us aground, shipmate. | We're in shoal water still, I fancy. Will G. Well, my last three soundings have shown me that, Brit. Bat, harkye, friend! ’tisn’t so bad as it might be, or, maybe, s it looks. it’s deepening under us, Bir1—it’s deepening Us; and if this fog lifts a bit presently, who knows f—— Bill H. Ah! who indeed ? Will G. Wonderful how the depth shifts in these latitudes. Bax Beaker thought he was a rare hand at the lead ; bat, you remember, one heave gave him full fifty fathom, and before he could take the next he was slap aground. I’ll keep on a-sounding, Bux. 1’ll shy of us, sure enough. Poverty’s no crime, WILL, to be sure, but | Keep on a-sounding. (Sings.) it sa precious inoonvenienge epecialy toa Party ou in the cold P| ‘* All men try for soundings wherever they steer, Will G. Ah, quite so. old story, Brit. (Sings.) Spite of fog and of shoal we may yet reach Cape Clear, “I ben’t, you see, versed in high maxims and sitch ; And there im't a tar with ses-dangers coald cope, But don't this same honour concern poor and rich ? ir weet’ Ser conating Go Cpe Gan If it don’t come from good hearts, I can’t see where from, No fear, then, nor danger, our hearts shall craven; And if e’er « tar had a good it was Tox. Though at sea, we’re in soundings, and yet may make haven. Yet, somehow or ’nother, Tom never did right ; Billi H. (aside.) Well, he always y seal 5 5 cove, and he pipes None knew better the time when to spare or to fight like a throstle. But I do wish this fog lift!

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Mar 5, 1888. a _ ZZ, Cat a ee . SS = > SS ~ =. =. “TAKING SOUNDINGS.”

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LONDON CHARIVARL PLEASURE (!) HORSE. AND TAX ON WHEELS. WAITING FOR THE MAY. (New Version.) Rejected One Sings :— Au! my heart was waiting, Watting for rey = ' Waiting for the Oita scrambles, Where the aS ~ ae Ae brambles, At the slating ond In the usual way. iting ! my heart was weary wai’ Z Waiting for the May. Ah! my heart was sick = longing, Longing for the Ma Longing canvasses to ae. Portraits ruddy, pale or muddy, i the many Ly age thronging On the opening Ln + Ah! my heart was with longing, Longing for th the May. Ah! my heart is sore with sighing, Sighing at the May— gm at the sure ed Hope's “ight Howes pm or dying, Hones of fame and pay. Mn Prepay is sore with sighing, ane g at the May. Ah! fey beast fo patna wih Chocbhd bbing at the May— ” My \ook. out. is dark and dreary ; Buyers turn away. Art is long, and live is weary— Oh! confound the May OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. I wave been reading Robert Elsmere, by Mrs, Humpney Warp. So has Mr. Grap- stowE, who has reviewed it, superficially of course, with his light and airy touch, in this month’s Nineteenth Century. 8o I will go just a little deeper. It is in the conven- tional form of three volumes, but it P an unconventional novel. Three-fourths of the first volume will interest a tas majority of novel readers, especially those who admire GroreE Exior’s scenes from Clerical Life and . -_ ry ay 2 Towers. ae party at t icar's in opening chapter is very Trollopian, In a way, it re- minds me of the musical evening at the Deanery in Dandy Dick, which was, to my mind, one of the most genuine ne bits of stage. The character of Rose, Pym Baby : the three ‘did not become A F I must quote as ‘ollaiting tee sotkoseate ih humour. Agnes is ex the return of her sister. G | du Revenu.—Yours, G. J in this dry-as-d Id vi f . te y-eo-gast, cage ¢ village o This is an instance of the self-restraint which Mrs. Hompuzy Waxp can exercise when inclined moe 2 ap 2 tht abe of the work I occasional! wished she ad been so inclined unfortunate Parson re. Elsmere, ala like the man in Hard Times, finds every- thing “all a muddle,” and "who wanders undecided & rr Hamlet in in cfeclenl cttire, righ and Syne. a vietion to may 4 Mephistophe. lian-Betey , the spirit who ever yh ”—of the presen to which allu- sion was recently ae 4 1. Punch’s pages. “I don’t believe there ain’t no such said Betsy and so says Robert—not Punch's BELT” —but Elsmere, ab mot being 4} " not reply to Mrs. Waxp, 7 Sey don’t believe there ain’t no Sal ol-the wap distziet, ~~ ~ Some ever, Ba ARON DE Boo oo Groner Joxxn (d la Frangaise).—My version of *‘ En reveant det Barus Em récant . —Am getting up some fanny things in ftalive and erman,—G. J.) Ar ea Bay Mr. Kant Anm- Maebi fe ith

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Mar 5, 1888, | | UT EE nid 1 il Mi a | t. j - ; -_ Gece. THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID. Aunt Jane. ‘Ucn! Wuen I was your Aor, Matiupa, Lapres or Rawk anv PostrioN DIDN'T HAVE THEIR PaOTOGRAPHS EXPOSED IN THe SHor-wiInDOwWs.” Matilda (always anxious to agree). “ Or covrer wot, Aunr Janz. I suPPosE Pmorocearay WASN'T INVENTED THES 1” THE APPEAL OF THE ADJECTIVE. “ The natural and insup ble anguish which any man must feel at being charged by Mr. GLapsTons's re _ with exceptional violence of expression and unique upseemliness of language is, of course, only less acute than that of a man who should be taxed with disloyalty by Judas Iscariot.”—Mr. 4. C. Swinburne. Dean Ponca, We have borne it for years, and whos the least t sign of a protest ; Bat silence, of true satisfaction, or even of patience, is no test. It really is time we spoke out, for our foes most remorselessly go it. And lately the worst of our foes, I am sorry to say, is the poet. We Adjectives, dear Mr. Punch, are a tly community ; Why should we be thus abused, ‘robbed of our name with impunity ? There is a subject for narrative | ; or as poor Howarp Vincent for Trade Reciproci ber As A us for word from Pines, railing at Time the d Sine Fron Rest gecar te Stes ae ae — or mere party scribe—doth the penman wi! tive i Gerale after the autibeds cheexe, which Iams eesey to sue ape fie fashice. The tem which hysterical [rummage, and light,” when the whole dictlenasy yon In the temper of rancorous Goody, the spirit of querulous Gummidge, ~ To = Lae ) Feptilian epithets—just as boys rout in a Or catomolgica phrases at foencn to spatter ani | Pathegy -, Pe terms which give vuice to Valgarias | rancour, But where are the fitness and finish that used to Sense’s sheet-anchor ? To call a man leprous or leech-like, a Statesman to dab » vermicular, | | Because your opinions and his are unlike in some paltry | | Te rave of his cancerous spite, and to shriek of bis scorpion malice, | When you mean that a trifle of bitterness surges some- times in his chalice ; | Wes Len 4 makes a mistake to declare it a crapulous | Or brand it » bestial Belial, or dab it a serofulous J adas, Is strong—yes, as onions are * strong,” is as fit, andy fine, and effective | As a Coster’s unbridled abuse, as a fishwoman’s vulgu invective. | Dear Punch, in the name of sound sense and good taste, not to mention that knightly Old spirit of tournament times which could pitch foe from saddle politely, Do pe a oe great militant penmen to battle like men of condition, And listen with courteous heed to your Adjective’ hamble petition ! A PHENOMENAL SEASON. Lrrrte Joszr Horan is followed by little / a. ant then 06 of ene So all sorts of music. The chorus for the season will — * Boys and girls, come out to play!” And not only on instruments, but on the stage. Two Little Lord Fauntleroys and a Bootles’ Baby!! Ani there ’s scarcely a piece “arm hase model Sat has a child init. Even Airey Annie a model child from Lieutenant Cote'’s nursery-grounds, wh» ovle-laborates with Mr, Nevitte Epovry. MAY MINSTRELSY. “Tt is in May that cur wandering musicians delight us with their sweetest lays.”—Daily News. Wandering Miislalan. Giaulien :~ Sounps pooty! Perhaps it’s kerrect ; A cove on the Press oughter know. Nuts on music that bloke I expect ! Sweetest lays i in the Maytime. Jest so. Werry true I’ve a cold in my ’ed, ’Cos the wind, dontcher see’s, in the heast. I should like to pass my May in bed, regular beast. For the month is a But [ ’ave to turn out, yes, in course ; And if he doesn’t care, why should I, If my vice is that ’usky and ’oarse That [ takes my top mates at a fly? Wish I knowed where he lived, that ’ere chap, For his street I would jolly soon start ; He would tip me a bob I“‘l go Nap, “4 If I ti him ** You’re Queen of my’A It begins with a ’owl, I’m aware, And it ends with a staggery squeak ; But if he likes May ———- there, It ain’t for this to speak. Sweetest lays? ell, he must be a “ ees” To like wandering page | Popes May! But I wish there wos more of his so conan { should nobble more browns—that fe my “‘lay LE MONDE ov L’on 8 ENRHUME. | afer Friend. You've got an awful cold. How a ors Grigsby (huskily). Do Be. want the reoeipt ’ Well, I’m not much of a hand at ,” and | had to keep up a long conversation in F night French ith ished foreigner. I fancy I must,bsv caught cold while I was fishing for words. - ft en anna Oh eae oa = ooo

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. Commons, Monday Bdge Ey Old Man ft ,i- - a ome wy fe See Amendment in ction of Bill. A House © Reading ; full House. Esato frat sedges At outset s\\\ SS A ~~ TES 4 “4 FR oo Y . 40 RD: hire PEERACE- Md ‘ Novg.tizs in THE Urrer Hover. Lord Salisbury, the Art( ful) Decorator. “ Think they ' "ll freshen up the old House. Ars longa—Vita brevis.” 6.0. M.a little hampered by rash promise given on Friday to be (brief. Pretty to see him, with quite unnecessary fuss, wrigglin out of engagement which no one attached importance indeed, any but himself remembered round the point. Put it in sll waya. vinced himself that when he said he brief speech yh Lg + he a a long one, inhighest statect delight. Uruuithees courses loomed into 7 past, with one over to stick into Hartrm: Haztrxetow, on the whole, ao. night. Car~pers followed up ag wl butting at old col- When all ie about to go into vRT turned up. Hea: Hagtmnetow, p Heavily bl howled, Liberals cheered. STONEWALL Har- headings. “Carious,” said Anraur Barovr, mental attitude, which led to itself. Senne a enee Sraow met a pieman ; Sod Commons, we ha learned Simon ‘involuntary th oe as if he heard i in the himself into listening atti thy afrly throwing Rima in of the ped the itinereat Tuesday.—Don't often hear from Colonel Warm. pet ) ay to hear from him .-—- for some time. To-nigh’ Seaggnate say valour, tried a fall with Joszrm Grx1s, ¥- = hes for wee to back Bench, and, save for interjection ne "Hien, hear!” has been oe "Only ye t heres, Then Members in various parts o' 1 ne Hoa, oot up at Lape gg y= = ; aiarter wher Fe 2,71 4 a —_ um OSEPH 8 . Pbjeot 1” and the a e the business. tie Seabee. opposed Bills can “ dealt with ; within the ten minwtes that eiLn stroke of Midnight are crowded j 8 which compensate for Batrour’s supremacy throughout — of sitting. Up to Midnight Barbour #0 rules supreme, ray an aps a Gru is monarch of all he of dominion, Con vera Gotan wth this momentarily resu Doubt, “* how heredi pectic Sey, Bo Gaet mB oe Tl his silence wi lean hand im then came se with lng an band pe said Josern. who never omits CP emetooes « Me Spreaxen, Sir,” ht Hon. friend in the Chair. ‘I intend to instructions reference to his Rig move a writ as soon as I ayy eit of the .-Y~ ap \. a —- ho, A. Bg ay tences , who, when a) , XT =. sen Coercion Act, Seeneboushy su prisoner by increasing them. Justin peetegene moved Adjournment. Dar.ine, Q.C., ripe with know of Quarter Sessions an Home Sxcretary. Pretty eg Lord Advocate surveyin corner of his twinkling e oo learned brother from Giapstone couldn’t stand it at all. Presently dashed in, _ off mask of benevolence, rent the robe of friendliness, and spent ap exceedingly livel y Bees half- hour, Argument, reiterated from Opposition Benches and addressed to Treasury Bench, was, “* Have you got a parallel case you can cite in English practice?’ * Have you?” Old Morality nervously asked ArrorNrY-GENERAL. “Nota single case,” WenstEer muttered, r breath, **No case!” cried Old S Money rally, fnasing his stock of copy book “IT remember h, yes—here it is. ‘No case. Abuse plaintiff's Attorney.’ ——a O up and walk into Grap- STONE.” Attorney-General accepted brief and did his best. Nagged at GLapstowe very much in earlier manner of Staniey Lzlouton, But Stantey Letontow used to do it better. -* ArrorNeY-Geweral’s invective lacks finish don’t you think ?” I ‘said to TREVELYaN. “Yes,” said Groner Orro, “It lacks the finish of Wig and oun.” Listening to him one always finds one’s self wondering how much the brief was marked.” Business done.—Still harping on Erin. Wednesday.—This has been GraNDoLpn’s day isterial Calendar with white stone or manner 0 comes handy, Gnranpo.rn, basing his Gris, has for some weeks cultivated great epee et pre ep seat t content with conveying to Old Morality See ebate Bill proposing os tend throug on ex ment tolreland. Fiveo’clock close at hand. GLapsTons made now inevitable Alfy manner. om inevitable speah,. Buxton Bi majority; when up jumps we yy Ministry. Rakes Treasury Bench fore and cheers from ition. Nothing so sudden, seen in House for many a day. d Morality look he “oo when at mut lee Ju Haat ben appropriate copy - Ba.rour, 80 * Like some tall av that droops its head and dies,” said Lawson, whose stock of quotations is as extensive as it is What made situation unusually exciting was pressure : a a sity ne E of ti

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216 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [May 5, 1888, debate, it was twenty minutes past five. eee. Anciunt Farezz. Josephus Chamberlainus protecting Ralfourius against the fierce onslaught of Grandolphus Churchillus. Wednesday Afternoon, April 25. necessarily close. Only ten minutes for all new and critical situation. ** Our fellows once constructed a Reform Bill in ten minutes,” said Priowxer. “ But that not long enough in these days for ev turn about and dance a political Jim Crow. Glad I’m out of it.” CaamMBeRtarn eaid a few words, leaving five minutes for Jouw Mortry. Jonun Morury took four, and then there was one. Old Morality, amid shouts for Division, rushed in. Began to recite copyhead. Got some way through, when Joserm GILLIs appeared on scene, and, a wild joy gleaming in his eye, moved Closure. A bitter moment for Old Morality. The pouncer pounced on—and by Joszrn Gris! Nothing to do, however, but to sit down, and Division taken. GrRanpotrn, meditatively twirling moustache, walked out without wee. But where was Jennines? Granpoitpn re-forming his arty. Everybody asking, ‘‘ Where was Jennrnes when the Granpotru went out?’ Business done.—New Gatling-Hotchkiss-Nordenfelt- Grandolph Bombshell exploded. Thursday.—Fresh depth of iniquity discovered on part of AnTHUR Batrovr. Last week it was SwEENEY’s suspenders. This week it is ‘‘Mr. Smrrn’s Christian name.” O’ Hawton brings forward case. Appears that two Policemen were Tw with breaking the law at Letterkenny on 18th inst. “Mr. Smire, who seemed to be in charge of the forces of the Crown, refused to give his Christian name, having been told such was needed to assist in the prosecution of the two Policemen.” “Will the Chief Secretary,” O’Hantow thun- dered, “‘state the grounds of Smrrn’s refusal to furnish prosecutors with his Christian name ?”’ on Bench, and makes no sign. * What was Surrn’s Christian name?” O’Han- Low shouts across the floor. “EH. W., or W. H.—really never can re- member which,” BaLrovr murmurs, in broken voice. And this is all they could get out of Chief Secretary. O'Hanuon's jots tried to sythen hadn't got Christen neme.””” O Hax- Low not to be trifled with. Means to raise question on Civil Service Estimates, i to reduce Chief Secretary’s salary by £1,000. Business done.—Budget Bill in Committee. Friday.—Morning Sitting; B Bill in Committee—couldn’t quite finish i ne WworRTH speaking when sitting suspended. Evening Sitting. ARTHUR AcLayD brought on discussion on Educa- tional System. Not quite finished. T. Exxis speaking when House adjourned. So the mepning snd the evening were talked out. Business done.—Budget Bill in Committee. Avorazn !—“I’ve just thrown this off. It’s first-rate. You must have it. This is it:—The Butcher won't be able to put up the price of his Meat, as I don’t put the tax on his Weal.”—G. J. G. Education. “When Guampours sat down, having given wholly fresh turn to| At half-past debate must | — i | | must first of all responsible to face the | one to | | At present consists of one. Where is that Party now? | BOULANGER’S MENU-FESTO. No one can expect”a General to be particular.™ Yet if such’G. be a Frenchman aspiring to conquer the of his compatriots in master the arts of « Chef and cordon bleu. > From this point of yicy | he is, at present, (eS to be j by the mene lof his banquet Zs Go ven last Friday, at th. | Café Riche. To with, he is as wel. come to his Hors to the usual there'll be _. Peuvre a la Francais — re mendiants — snd of these about Guuirver Bovtanesr. C’szst 1a Parx! should he attain to the Dictatorship. Was ‘‘ Caviare tothe General” | included in the hors d’cuvre ? We pass his Consommé a la Valenciennes, his Velouté d’ écrevisss —he’s not ‘‘on velvet” yet—and we glance suspiciously at his! ** Quartier de behague a la Générale.” Is there any bony part in | this quarter? The “‘ Cailles a I'étouffade a la Clermont” is a most decidedly Royalist dish; ‘* Canetons du Nord” are suggestive of | ** canards”’ ; the “‘ glace nationale” is ominously opposite to enthou- siasme national. As to the wines, the Mouton Rothschild (1870) | means money and the sinews of war, and though Old Clos Vougeot | may appropriately follow as a specimen of another, but a much lower | |‘* Pommery et Gréno, frappé.” Is it possible? “ Arruvr Batrourdumfounded. Moves restlessly | and almost extinct class of Hebraic vintage, yet what does that hero | deserve of his own, or of any other country, who finishes Aad ra : 0) ““ frapper” Pommery, or, indeed, any champagne wens drinking, is to kill it,—yes, we say deliberately, to kill it. And if this be Boulangism, then the ery of all veteran Cham will be, “4 bas Bouancer!” ‘* Vive Pommery et Gréno!” So we will leave his champagne Srappé, and “‘ revenons” pas a la revue, mais" d nos moutons "’— Rothschild. UNCOMMON HATS FOR COMMON COUNCILMEN. 4 - tion Characteristic Hat The ‘‘ De Keyser; To be worn with Conncilman’s for Common or. Chapeau a la wder by “The Costume Councilmen on “ Brave Belge.” ivery ”’ gene- appear in ou the Sewers rally. paper. Committee. =| Our old friend, Mrs. Ramsporuam, who, our readers may remembe } inf us some time that her nephew had been made a ture of the Inner Temple, tells us that this same nephew has just ; in a Coupon. CH NOTICE.—Rejected Communicatioas or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, im no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. there will be no exception. returned from a visit to Seotland, and that he travelled all the way , will To this rule

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Mar 5, 1888

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Page 317

On Rouse i, .

‘BURGLAR BILL. \ : lished next week, with an Illustration bv TL. SA A New Work (reprinted from “ Punch”) by rr PINSTEY, author of “Vice Versa,” &c., will be pub- MBOURNE. Price One Shilling.

a, he * z a > a ie) a Tid ®i, 4 3 3 2 g “Al et Nit \ 7 { jit } i | 4 we k NI ‘Ys ] at ; WS } pe aay yf PRIA A 5 4% ' Vista BERR — on ibiedee Mya a - . = SCTE) = ~ See care a ee a LO bh OL | i Mi ¢ 3 Ie SER iN Ss SAAN)

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awn S07 BY ALT. ROOKSFLERRR bhollanaris

The filling at the A pollinaris Spring during the year 1887 amounted to 11,894,000 bottles.

“SON3Sd S334NHL 301d

a the General Post Office as a Newspaper.)

Page 318

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Mar 12, 1888.

ip — -) 1 — BF A . ‘ema Hesston. JOHN WESTACOTT. By 4AME*® BAKER. * i vol, @ as: “ Baquieite Uterary work... John r Lieechen and the rest, are eli apparentiy stacies trom life.” *rectaton : ‘ Effective pictures of life.” Gearacc: “ Well written and well constructed pove Mach pathos . Gepuine passion . Goo portraiture Gosemuas: “Oharmingly written end very in- London: 6 LOW, MARSTON & CO. And at all Bookeeliers. J. L. TOOLE’S REMINISCENCES, Related by Himeeif, and Chronicied by JOSEPH HATTON, will be commenced in the SUNDAY TIMES, MAY 6, and continued from week to week. Order at any Newsagents. In case of any difficulty aa to supply, write to The Publisher, *alisbury (ourt. London, B.C. ONE PENNY WEEKLY. THE MATRIMONIAL HERALD AND FASHIONABLE MARRIAGE is the GAZETTE ised medium for High-Class est and most successful e World. Price 34.; in Conduit

original and only ree Introductions, The Matrimonial Agency in envelope, 444 —Address Editor, #, Lamb's Street, London, W.0 TO STOUT PEOPLE. Serpst Trees says :)—* Mr. Russell's aim is to BRapicays, to curs the disease, and that his treat- ment i+ the true one seems beyond all doubt. The medicine he prescribes pons WoT LOWBR, BUT BUILDS CF oF TONES THE eveTex.” Book (116 pages) with

recipe and notes how to ty and rapidly cure Owssrrt (average red im firet week is 3 ibs.), post & etampe ¥. ©. RUSSELL, Woburn House, Store Street, Bedford Square, London, W.C. “OUR NEIGHBOURS.” PARTRIDGE & COOPER, “THE " STATIONERS, 192, FLEET STREET. THE PURE WHITE “GLYGERINE SOAP” Boftens and Preserves the Skin and Complexion. WHITAKER & GROSSMITH, 22, SILK STRERT, CITY, LONDON le. 64. Box of 3, at Chemists and Grocers, or direct.

TEE WONDERFUL DISCOVERY IN WEEDLES. MILWARDS’ Source Pacust Guatie amp Poser Pass. CALYX-EYED NEEDLES. THREAD WITHOUT THREADING. Hewat Mitwasn & Sons, Washford Mills, Redditch. E INSURANCE POLICY- HOLDERS’ MUTUAL PROTECTION LEAGUE, 4 hveryone imeure or bwtendir te insure should read the Leagues publication, PROFIT on PLUNDER? &c. To be had post free for Sixpence, on ap lication te the Secretary of the League, 6. Warwick Court, ( y's Inn, London, W 4 MADE WITH BOILING WATER. EPPS s CRATEFUL—COMFORTING, COCOA MADE WITH BOILING MILK. Botp eT sit Daarens.

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es sg seas es BES ese

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OE May 12, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 217

— THE THEATRE OF THE FUTURE! soy_Dont let Professor Hanon and Mr, W. 8, Gupme Git tio as an that their notions are new original = : o, [drew he theatre, which every expert who Sonia out where light comes from, Hiehtly, th speak | us , the audi- ihk=) ence vill en- ===» . tirely inthe dark 3 on ! I Bioisninen A> Pratt ts sect the ventilation is 80 managed on the coldest day in winter, or on the warmest in summer there can be no ible change in the temperature. All the seats are so contrived that every one can enter and leave the audito- rium without causing the slightest inconvenience to his neighbours. THERE ARE NO Box-KEEPERS, wo refreshment people ; no hat and cloak nuisances ; Att 1s Dong py Macuivery on the “ Put-in-a-penny-and-take-out-a-chocolate” principle agplied torefreshments, hats, and coats, &c. During the day the box-o is managed in the same mechanical manner. can be No Danezr or Fring, won the slightest alarm the entire theatre will come to pieces—[as pieces coming to the entire theatre, more anon }—by anyone touching s button in the centre of the seat in which he happens to be sitting. The Theatre ng ay ye the “‘ Revolving Wing” iple (my wle invention), can be literally turned inside out a momen notice, and so be well aired and dusted. There isa sliding roof which collapses like an umbrella when required so to do. Everybody is brought up and down by a series of Automatic Lirts, fal Ge top oallers fs Geenaiens as accessible, without crush, as the This is a distinct advantage. Refreshments are ‘brought in the same manner by ee res |g ag andy Ligpnnenns has merely to touch a labelled tea, coff ten, fons, oranges, sorta or what ot, a the beck of his fica there is before | line him whatever he requires—the amoun yment + pe been previously into the slit labelled ‘with tariff of Inrainy the ‘‘ revolving walls” will be utilised, d's passage Cael thal ll the year round the alls In fact I have so S de dugiocs thing seohi ant ae eates teen aeened to 0 tee sim . us dom {to 10 gradient, will be at once fill with the purest and boiled water, at a delightful temperature, the private as dressing-rooms, so that = waiting to take x-office, Wiuse te See wef ways be a considerable can amuse themselves wi gymnastics, swimming, bathing, and so forth. " The entire theatre will be as capacious as site Sr, Peren’s at Rome, a wider if anythi to admit of certain novel fects, and the uction of historical pieces on a scale b et are attempted, or, if attempted. y mo to failure for want of adequate and appliances, and, I may confidently add, of Genius capable carrying to a triumphal finish the designs which, after all, though {am loth to dwell upon this theme, only True Genius—of which ICHELANGELO had than a mere spark—only True and igi Then as to OncHEsTRA AND LicHTING.

The band is under the guidance— under the thumb—of the com himeelf ; it is out of sight, it is out of mind. Tt is mechanical It will be Tae Wonper or rae Musical Aor, and the effcct is as of the hand of one mastye-wind a plaing oll the instruments. As I compose my own music I know will be. “ Plaudite!” But on their own merits modest men are dumb and if I said more you would begin to shrewdly suspect that I had some ulterior design in appraising my own wares. Reat Son, Moon, Stars. vilege | Light diffused, dispersed. Real Light. How this is managed i my secret. I will only hint ait ths SS ean be up (that is how I manage my real ten, on sane one bed — third column, you must ome 67, when you will come to “Don.” Now goto page 527, and pass your finger down the first column, you soon arrive at “Nell Lae * Don” to “‘ Nell” and y Dante take cn ; and in the very same page you will find “ the “ y” from last word, and add it to whet iy sole connteed, and there you are—“ Dowwetty”! Is not extraord P Bat this is not all! Turn to page 681, and the end of the second column you get ‘‘ rounding Sicilia is a so forth.” Take away the first two words and the last two words, and “is a” remains, Add what we have before, and now we obtain, “ Dewwmas is a.” But after all this is not complete—it i is a broken sentence. We must add something more before we have a perfectly satisfactory result. Well, it is sim ho quem, Ah we have } de fo ts fare 271 (which is easily sel a legis .-ro calculation), and counting 3 from the Sottom of ird column, we come to a uotation from Love’s Labour’s s Lot, which runs as follows :—** The hedge-prest. the fool, and the boy.” Now add one word from this * DowwELty is a,” and the mystery is solved. But what that send chal tol cain Wisin ip uae cone wh wieeaeamens to discover. Yours enth ‘*Muca Apo ABOUT Nornue,.”

THE HARBINGER OF SPRING. Srn,—I write this to inform you that last night as I was sitting in my library, I heard the clear os of the Cuckoo, I think I counted it nine times. Soon afterwards I retired to rest with a — heart. This is indecd a dign end @ Marbinger of 0 really Sno Spring ! Yours gladly, Pater FamMitias OxgNITHOLOGISTUS, Private and confidential, by same post. I know the Governor has been writing to the popes about hearin the Cuckoo. Suchalark! I mean tuch a Cuc It was our o nursery clock, which had been out of order for ever so long. Yester- day, we got the Winder-up. who comes here once a vag to mend Lt oan out es the Cuckoo. The Governor had his door had ours up-stairs at nine o'clock. That's what he heard. But he’s ri ight about its being a sign of a really fine —_ 2 it is, for Winder-up said it was a first-rate spring mended it. Don’t tell, only I don’t want you to be ours, Tomar.

a VOL, XCIV,

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“2SNOH NOAONITHUNG AV NOTMNLOO AWS0VOV “IWAOUW a {May 12, 18a will ed accompani that the New Gallery will be Lasses of the Salvation Army, is si Mr. Punch gives him the title d avance cation of The Ladies’ Knight— in full Court costume, be an attraction. ies’ ~—_ be 4 : : z : 4 3 - PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL " | |infah 3 i F 5 if a nice one Should the surmise that it will be correct, then equally so is the _— >. weer ~ * A = HIAKA i ————— = o=--== - . OL ery q|POR KC —— MCSA ey Bon 3 s | T : & = fl | o iz z zs z = Sz x $ From soon a New Gallery Club will be started as a ri Club. A New Gal.

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ROYAL ACADEMY COTILLON AT BURLINGTON HOUSE. Pee & | \ Mar 12, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 219 *sRRY AT A RADICAL RECEPTION. Dear CHARLI£,— This Spring’s a dashed fraud ; | beastly wind still blows ’ard the North; _ But Socierty’s fair on the shove, and the buds is, at larst, bustin’ fo The Two Thousand’s ‘bin run, and the Picture Shows | open all round -y green = ;, Delights,” —wh g ’ we must sing ** ing’s »”—when ” et on the bark or the neue. Went larst night to a Opening Show of another guess sort, my dear boy ; . Not my regular form by 4 lamp, nor the spechies of sport I enjoy. Got craered it it, though, by a pal who’s a Radical kind of a eub, . And ~ = got me a ticket—don’t larf!—for the National Liberal Club ! You know Tommy Trorrer,—pale face, ginger hair, and nose-pinchers, old chap,— | An awfully “earnest” young mug, mate, and not the | Jeast mite up to trap. : | He is mashed on old GLapstone no end, as his sort always is to a man, : And his Club, Cuantre, ’ad a ‘‘ Reception,” which means a big crowd and cold scran. | Poor Tom looked all corners and cramples, and so did a | jolly lot more, For it ain't every sportsman, dear boy, as can chuck on | the war-paint and score, | Bat sue Sg the looks of the ledies as ogled my sweetly - | — iled air, | And my claw-hammer coat and cuff-shooters, that ’ARRY was simply all there. | Swell building, old and no kid, marble staircase all wea fe | 1 la Restorong, CHARLIE; the ’Olborn ain’t ’ardly more | spacious and Rath too sueny Cee for my taste ; shiny walls may be very nice, For a dairy or fishmonger’s shop; but a Club ain’t a place to store ice. | But’twas ’ot, Cuartre, thunderin’’ot. I got jammed in the Libery crowd, | I'ad shoved to the front like a shot, but a crummy old ‘With bore, chovlders acres, dear boy, and a twent | Wi shoulders y, and a twenty- |_ stun white-’aired old Rad | Nearly made me a pancake between ’em ; I tell you, old | man, I felt bad. |'Owsomever, I sweltered and listened. They stuck the I, on a chair, Cos the parties behind couldn’t see, and they didn’t missing their stare, up, Sir!” they shouts, “’igher up!” afure And be Kite tn lf .° ge cs lik lly good ’imself up in their si ike a j > natured old bloke. —_ apes Wall, you know I’m not nuts on’im, Caantir ; Socierty | ates him like sin, eae Socierty, slap, mate; but when the old M n, “Though his patter I wasn't arf fly to, his meanin’ I | couldn’t quite kech, | Stillwell, mate, he may be a fraud, but I’m blowed if he isn’t a ‘ fetch.” ‘Ad = fair upon toast, the old sinner; his figgerhead Sez I, *h , Ot for dade ott of old toff as 8 cove would be proud Towwy Trorrer he stared. Ah!” sez he, “my dear wei phy Co ; ae ‘owl af, end 0 — you Tories so ’iss at, “You shut up, Tommy Trorrern!” Isez. I could see he And ost wanted citdg ia sharp, or the butter would be sitting on , or the Ww ug, the broth. [fiddlededee, And hn 8% the gift o” the gab, but it’s all blooming ie way you mugs foller ’im round jest like spaniels mean | “"Igher THE OLD ORDER CHANGETH. Todesom (who has grown his Moustache, dropped his G's, and got into Society again). ‘‘Face 1s Soctery's GETTIN’ MUCH TOO MIxED, Ducagss, It's nor AMUSIN’, AFTER SPENDIN’ A PLEASANT EVENIN’, TO FIND YOU'VE BEEN HOBNOB- BIN’ WITH A SHOPKEEPER, OR SITTIN’ NEXT HIS WIFE AT DINNER, YoU Kyow!” Her Grace ‘‘On, peanme! Way, my HuspAyp's A Saorxerrer, Ma. Topr- son. He Keeps THAT Great Barc-A-Brac Wakenovse In Conpvuir Srregt |— AND THE ToOY-SHOP AT THE CORNER, THAT'S MINE !—AWND THE CONFECTIONER OVER THE WAY, THAT'S MY MorueEr, Tax Decness or Havurcastet!” [ Todeson feels he has been puttin’ his foot in it, So it wos Cuartie. ‘ Very absurd! they quite make ’im a hidol, and why ?”’ Sez a lady in pink at my elber. ‘‘ By Jove, right you are, Mum,” sez I. “* T was tellin’ my mate. Tommy Taorrer ”——but here she slung off like a shot, With — ’eavens-high in the hair, Sir. And that’s your dashed Radical Wy, a prime Primrose Dame, well wuth ten on her, tipped me her sweet little W; Ata Brixqood Bazaar, t’other day, and she chatted that chummy—oh law! I felt, well, I ’ardly know ’ow, mate, all ’oney and oder colong. Yet they say Tories ain’t demmyoratic, Rads are! That’s a trifle too strong. Well, we took a turn round and a quencher, mate, arter the wust of the crush, Sich lots of she-spankers, my pippin, order in satin and plush, . With spreads of pink shoulders; slim twisters with touzles of tow-coloured ’air, And bilious-hued frocks like green bedgowns, a-floppin’ on couch and on chair, Fair sprinkling of ‘‘ Stars” Tommy told me, but rayther small sparklers 7 think. They ain’t in the hunt with Aus, CHARLIE; no, neither for style nor the chink. Tommy Trorrer he gushed most tremenjus; bowed here, d there, and all But I twigged that the toppers left early ; yours truly ain’t ’ooked for a fist ! As Tommy and me trotted ’ome he was at me, the silly young fool, To turn up my Primrosing game and go in for his Club and Ome Rule. ** Way oh! Tommy Trorrer,” sez I, “that’s a motion, old man, you may carry When Toffdom and Grapsrons jine ’ands and you make a fair juggins is sick'ning to me.” ee ’Anuy.” starrer emer lia Ee

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. OUR PRIVATE VIEW OF THE ROYAL ACADEMY. | No. 1940 A Statue at Large. Illustrating by mechanism “The Descent of the Crown.” By Alfred Gilbert, A., and “ A 1,’” Empressionist. | No. 15. A Storey illustrated. inted, there’s not a sign of it. He is the very slimmest of Royal No. 26. Frith’s Rummyniscences. 100th edition. ighnesses. a No. 97. The Countess of Cottenham. ‘Quite La Cheese!”| No. 189. ‘ Very Goodall, R.A.” What does our dear old friend | Heaman ScHMIECHEN. J. Crorues-Horstey say to this, eh? Ahem! Probably, No Good-| No. 100. ‘I'll have your Breakfast!” Salky boatman thinking | all! | how he shall get hold of small boy's breakfast, who has been serv No. 195. ** Much Moore, A?” ; while he has to wait. The| No. 198. “ You should see me Dance the Polka!” The Right expression of Cunning on| Hon. Sir Reormmatp Hanson, as Lord-Mayor, giving a Dana the boatman’s face is well| Lesson. The first step of the Polka. This new start is painted wi ogee by Crarr. considerable finish by ‘‘ Hon. Jonw Cottier.” Brayvo, Hon. Jony! | o 110. “ Happy.”| No. 236. ‘* Here We Are Again!” Very glad to see old friends | Rather inclined to call it| again when introduced by Marcus Sronr, R.A. | .” Thereby hangs| No. 286. “ Her Mother’s Voice; or, The Distracted Husband.” | nothing to be| Here Mr. Oncuanpson has forcibly depicted a very telling scene. | of, though who-/| The elderly man in the chair has married a yo wife, who is at | ever placed it here, must/ the piano flirting with a gentleman who is g to be asside- | have hung his (B. G.) | ously engaged in turning over the pages of music. The moral painter | Heap. here suggests the hope that this young man may soon turn over & No. 119. “* Across the| new leaf. The young wife has one eye—the left—on the lover, Heath.” Ah, how many | the right is slyly veering towards the long-suffering husba! 0 years one remembers this | left eye is surreptitiously glancing at her, while his right is steadily poor old fellow! He has| gazing at the footstool, as though he were meditati Lag ate | advanced—in years. The/| and flinging it at the heads of the enamoured couple. He isd title should have been, ‘‘ A | by the simultaneous performance on the violin of the lady next door, | Step Farther,” but this did| No. 281. But what especially irritates him is the sound of his wife’s | not occur to ALtrrep A. | voice, which so reminds him of the tone of Ais late mother-in-la¥, | and, therefore, of her mother. The room and the accessories are . same old but always admirable proparticn, but the tale is new and the Prince of Wales, K.G., as | title most subtly and sarcastically chosen—** Her Mother's Voice. an Elder Brother of the| No. 292. “ Still Life! or, Missed Again!” An Academy J.E.M.! Trinity House. Painted | Sir Jouy, with characteristic modesty, has omitted himself in the for the_ Corporation.” | picture; but as there is no mistaking a brilliant J.E.M., and # Fuawx Hout, R.A. F.| everyone “sees Mrxais in it,” we have introduced him into the Hott is very nearly at his| scene. Birds uncommonly wild. was “ Ngronpours.” Holliday best here. Quite} No. 298. ‘ Sub Rosd ; or, The Blooming Blizzard.” Theartist Old Gent at No.433 Quiet Young Lady the Courtier. The Prince | probably having a sly hit at the Operatic uet nuisance. ety Alfred Aublet’s). (without name or @ i# not a bit like an “ Elder | This is Atma Tapema’s picture, of which youve y Aird | B fell!! Only an open dress, except No. 438). Brother,” but looks as if} No. 346 ‘‘ James the First Escaping with the Great Seal.” door between us! I Don’t think any one he were the Youngest Son.| W. H. Bantierr. A shall complain to Mr. can see me. So cool. As for “the ion,” | No, 350. “ The Pool of London.” By Vicat Cou, B Horeley. What “Joy!” for which it been ' Admirably painted. Probably intended for a Club Billiard-room. ¢ ea

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Mar 12, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

\No. 281.——“ Taz Drsrnacrsp ‘Hvsnasn. "No, 286. ( Vide explanation of the two pictures, p. 220.)

SMHOAAY my wy Wi ‘S- , | / 4 "oh * 4 f ‘ _ ‘ No. 292. “B8till Life! a 357. Mrs. Ernest Moon. By ¥ W. B. Ricumonn, A. ‘ ” oer a amcor ery NR yoy 1. pecmond,, and Ernest | 4 No. 298. Sub Rost; or, The Blooming Blizzard. and Juliet! O my Star and Garter—at Richmond! No. 508. ‘* No Partners, and the Last Dance!” Jamus No, 365. Not much of the ** Colour Sargent” about this. ARCHER. ' .” Visitors will see that Mr. Barron No. 1038. J. M. Levy, Esq. By Hopenr y Reson. 4 To the Riviere, R.A., has only given half the title. Tt is evidently ‘‘ Re- life. So characteristic too of the proprietor of the Das/ ——— quiescat-and-dog.” Fs Le in aes oman Fine healthy tone in the cheeks, suggestive of the very roula- uns, 439. Type Ba What do tion. Who coul ald have done the so perfectly ? of We tials Bs | for? cr pen "’ Wouldn’ t-you Be Uieond. A?” Hair-comber, A. ?

‘ | THE WINES OF OLD. yy hy THE ROYAL ACADEMY BANQUET. “ Messrs. SPrens anp Pownp have secured from Ere we lost the United States Guna of t hes, a late Gues', ~ royal oes ae .y King < Bavanta some And France’s cannon thundered. yeas Mees ban ) inwein o e of Henny THE come from Riourn; Leistenwein of 163i, the reign of by ~~ Kings would eld then 2 Cuantas va Saco Bteinwein of Ze when But s Kine Lopwie did not enre ORGE THR SEconpD tbe legen Ing | For ancient wines, and sold ’em. i the begi And now th tone! far far beyond heimer and ror dg of 1 then GEORGE Where Rhineland realms are hill THE Fourru King. Th “chie sale at the Criterion. a Bt. James's <oel oe And flow for us from Sprers AnD OND, Ory shat in Best of "Thietp- dour Near pleasant Piccadilly. aan ah Mer Destro tow of $e tion e | general opinion wrt favourable, the movement | will be known as ‘‘ Car-nationalism.” Lerrs se Correcr.—Lerrs’ Commercial _— a nee states :—‘‘ Tues. May 1. Royal) Here’s Steinwein of a good .’ But it didn’t. Many per- The days of Gzorck THE ao thteole it did, not remembering, an any we ao ones ear ay more than the Letts’ Compiler, that the Roy And W.roiz smart was reckon’d. Academy opens on the first Monday in May. ee

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [May 12, 1888, a Sf SN Se WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH OUR GIRLS ? ( Why not give them a few Lessons in the Science of Book-Making ’) Mr. Professor, “ Axp Now, LADINS, HAVING CLOsED OUR Book ON THE FavouRITE, AND THB BEtrinG BEING SgveN TO THREE san Ong, | WILL sHOW YoU HOW TO WORK OUT THE ODDS AGAINST Taz DovusLe Event,” PIGS IN A PANIC. (With Mr. Punch’s acknowledgment fur a suggestion in Mr. Stanley Buckley's yicture, ‘* Routed.”) Woonoo! Wirrasthrue! Here's a hullaballoo! Talk of darkness at mid-day, a bolt from the blue !— What are they to this startler portentous ? It comes like a comet, it spins like a wheel, The placidest porker must falter, and feel That the moment is truly momentous. Irish pigs on a hill-side, they rummage and root, With snouts all unringed, each Hibernian brute Grunting low in serene satisfaction. 7, Hramph! hrumph! Bat at sight of that swift spinning How soon the grunt turns to an agonised squeal, (wheel, The calm to precipitate action. W-r-r-r! whiz-z-z! Whatis that? Gracious goodness. look Every ek ouroene quick, every tremulous snout Snuffs imminent danger instanter. The herd, like the Gadarine lot, fill with fright : Some crouch and some scuttle, some shrink at the sight, And others are off in a canter. “ Queak! queak! This is most unexpected, this is! What = cents Gand | _ What a horri . whiz ! paleying cireumgyration is sappeticatarieseare ee. is plain we can i ps we ma’ i And our foes’ Fabilation.” . More frightened than hurt? That remains to be seen ; At present that hillside presents a queer scene Of catastrophe almost volcanic. An avalanche suddenly launched, it is clear, Could hardly prodace more amazement and fear Than are shown by our pigs in a panic. fout! | i ITALIANO IN COVENT-GARDENO. Tae Organising Committee, consisting of Lord Cuartes Benzs- rorD, Earl De Gary, The Hon. Ottver, Montacu and Messrs. Henny Cuaptin, A. de Morntetra, and Henry Orrewnerm, that has been formed for the purpose of backing up Mr. Aveusrvs Hanrkris in his spirited Italian Opera enterprise that he is about to inaugurate at Covent Garden, met last week to discuss details. Aveusros Drvxi- OLANUS in the Chair. Lozp Caries Beresrorp wanted to know why they couldn't | -_ with Black Eye’d Susan? Wasn't there an Opera called | + ? Atall events Britannia sounded Italian, and would be y ° rd De Guey wished to inquire if cigarettes and light refresh- ments could be served in the stalls? Wasn't there a song in some- thing about ‘‘ I/ Cigaretto per Esser ?” _The Chairman here reminded the meeting that the subject was distinctly Italian Opera. Mr. Cuapiox thought the Sporting Element ought to be brought in. Country Cousins came up to town and liked to go to the Opera. He could do a lot with his constituents in the way of stalls, if ‘“* plea- sure horses” were introduced. He had not seen the list of promised Operas, but he would be glad to know if in any of them there was any approach to a sporting situation. ‘ Otrver Mowracu said the only approach to a sporting situation he could recall was in Ernani, where some fellow, near the end of the Opera, blew a horn. (Zaughter.) ¥ Mr. Cuartin: Did that bring on s pack of hounds? (“‘ Oh! Oh!”) Mr. Orrver Mowracv said he dida’t recollect very clearly, but he didn’t think it did. (Zaughter.) Mr. Cuartin wished to ask whether there was not an Opera called The Flying Dutchman? Surely that was an old Derby subject! (Oh! Oh!” and ** Question,”’) Mr. De Mvrrerra thought that they had better let Wacner alone. Mr. Oppewserm wanted to know why had better “let Waewrer alone”? The sole question they to ask themselves was, “ Did he draw?”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—May 12, 1888. “PANIC AMONGST THE PIGS!”

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[ May 12, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 325 ee heard that Waener professed to “Oh! oh!” The Chairman then i i ag ound respect and ,attention to ions that had fallen from the AG £10 A/S 2) pe Ate “i I yi 5 Writs Ate oD a abbeys © —~ 1 =e, OM “. Py ~1 ( EME RIRINE By LAL BAM Ty ? ~ ” a 2 SAY 4 +n { NA ‘SS ee = ~— Su: Sees SN The Italian Opera Organising Committee, under the direction of Signor Augustus Druriolanus. members of the “ ising Committee”’ assembled around him, and he thought, on whole, he could not do better than advise them to leave the conduct of the matters they had been discussing entirely to him. de my * himse ws he knew a bea» or —- stage Managemen’ peras he was in e would undertake to turn out in such a style that their own com- posers would hardly —_ them. (‘' Hear, hear!’’) His trou with ALBANI, Norpica, ‘oLpson, the Dz Rezsxe Brothers, anda host of other eminent artistes, would rival the palmy days of Lumuer, and the less remot, though not{ less brilliant, epoch of Gre. He hoped to show that Italian Opera was not only not dead, but was more flourishing and vigorous than ever. (Cheers.) THE EXHIBITION-LOVER’S VADE MECUM. Question, Do you intend to visit all the Exhibitions ? Answer. Certainly. have on my list the Anglo-Danish, the Italian, the French, and the Irish. _ Q. Are you very fond of these collections of all that is excellent wien the lamps, the bands, and th bi . Very; i b and the American bars. Q. You are most discriminating. At the Anglo-Danish Exhibition you would select something from Hamlet, Prince of Denmark ? A, Remembering the lish Village, I should like to see a h Hamlet. Also, I should like to examine the hobby-horse j Ace re —— in a Ap Ln think, too, a some of phelia’s Columbines mig’ iately appear in a ballet. Q. I find you know your iene by heart. Is there anything else you would desire to see at the Anglo-Danish Exhibition ? A, The ‘‘ quadrant dinner” on a fine summer evening. Q. What do you expect to see at the Italian Exhibition ? A, The ground hypothecated last year to the Wild West Com- arf : someone else’ _ , » Do you expect anything A. On a fine evening the inconstant moon mentioned to Romeo by Juliet, And no doubt we shall have “‘ ancient Rome,” and “‘ ancient Venice,” and “‘ ancient Sprers aND Ponp,” or “ancient BexTRaM AND Ropgrts,” or some known refreshment caterers. BAO - me new tenants for that unfortunate hall, with the evidently . O’Lympia.” to learn from all these exhibitions ? ature makes the whole world kin.” ** one oy ty Nature” ? eres eof 8eS [B eliminated, and only the music, lamps, and és remained, would you net be omental? A. I should be very, , very and always satisfactory “‘ self- unaccom: STRANGERS FOR THE STRANGERS. (Revised Rules for Admission to the Honse of Commons.) 1, Every Member shall be entitled to give previous to the sitting pono rdag t By hele for is R Whether the Order is to give admission after Seven o’ Clock. 4. The clerks in charge of this Office shall regi and number this application, and give to the Member applying a ticket of admission in the following form :— | No. THEATRE ROYAL HOUSE OF PAGES COMMONS. ADMISSION ORDER FOR TWO GOOD SEATS FOR To be presented not later than Seven o’ Clock EVENING DRESS INDISPENSABLE. Umbrellas, Dynamite, and Revolvers must be left at the doors. Opera Glasses, alf-a-Grown for the whole evening. Orders of the Day 6d. each. No Fees. Apples, Oranges, and Ginger Beer to be had on application. N.B.—You are requested not to crack Nuts during the Speeches of the Leader of House and the Rt. Hon. Gentleman at the head of Her Majesty’s Opposition. 5. A Stranger, on coming to the House on the day and date entered on his ticket, should produce it to the Police, w inf him whether he can be admitted. If he cannot be admi will be detained until there is room in the If there is not room in the Ly gy bo some one e balloted for until he is found to be in the shall be taken to the Clock Tower to be ¢ of the Peace, who shall ask f uncles and aunts, together wi dentists, and his solicitors. carefully examined, and a cop washing. He then will watch and chain and cigar- custody, and allowed to return 6. The Stranger, having then proceed to the Gallery, ticket and the rest of his diately pass him on to the Pi scripts Commission contai “The Lecors for many generations have occupied a conspicuous position.” Apart anTmouTH’s family papers by the nel Geis tes 3—= PAPLEEAOLS to is that the Anglo-Danish, Italian, French, and Che Oe nT

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [May 12, 1888, ¢ W iy k | fy ty, | | si ih ‘| ie | be wt os TH ML orem eee | THE PICTURES. 1888. Portly Visitor. “1 mwsoy THese Prrvats Views so much, Dean! Nowe 0’ THOSE HORRID DISAGREEABLE TURNSTILES!” ———eESES _ rummynissenses of our romantick sittywashun, the rain began for to | ROBERT’S SILVER WEDDING. cum down with that ernal_ wislenco as, ceomes hally to reserve | werry kumstance i illybrated | for Bank Hollidays i i wer Weddins, and drove | mo oousicumastense i is Spt co many ay yere, | us to the Railway Stashun, which, of course, was a long ways off as | All along of the Prince of Wuatzs. But the most strangest thing of | Ushal. We got home werry damp and not werry cheerful, all is, that my much better harf went and found out that this was but as Silwer Weddin days don’t come ewery day, we soon pulled our- Silwer W in Year as well as so menny other ’s, and i selves together and awaited the arrival of our warious . came dew on Sunda larst fast of April! Now fust thi In they all came to an arty supper at 8 o'clock, and tho’ we was found rayther a little orkard, wen we had made up our fast 0 Kasil snowpen, it wasn’t suffishently so as to purwent us from | it up with dew conwiwiality, was the day. The het of indulgin in ay 4 arty larfter. Brown was in great force, and | all a bad day for to go and git married on, if so be as it | his tashun to my fare spowse of a reel silwer Broch, subscribed | married at all, in fact I have herd it sed by a grinni for by all the staff of a certain Otel, in a reglar gushing speech of i Fools’ Day, it ort to be i amost es heloquence was one of the ewents of the heavening. we both agreed ; ing | The famerly had put their little mights together and bort their Ms i be sure to be a reei silwer Thimbel, which Wri114m presented to her in a few the | words of such reel natral feeling that I prowdly quotes’em. ‘‘ Ma, this is for you, with your childeren’s love, and ewery time as yu puts it on to work with, or takes it hoff to leave hoff with, remem them as guv it you!” Of course poor Ma began for to a7, ony nateral on siteh an appy occashun, but a nice little drop of ot Rum and water administered at jest the rite time, put her all to rites in, and she wore the silwer hemblem of her hoffspring’s love all rest of the ewentful heavening. As for myself, I had dewoted several ours to trying for to learn sum of the best pints of the Prince of Whales’ speeches on like oca- shuns, but, strange to say, when the him t moment cum, my quite failed me, and I stumbled like a hold horse, or a werry green rather than a well-machewrd Waiter, witch I atributes to gitting so wet in Grinnidge Park that all my best ideas was quite washed out of my pore branes. However, I myself together at the hend, and boldly arsked’em, wun hall, to come again to our nex Silver Wedding, which I wood take care to have a little later "| in the Summer, so as to be freed from North East Winds and soking eee, ene ail ar he a ay tng ’s a joll eller!” our ‘ewen' ilyer Wedding Day came, un the werry hend. Ro Eriqverre.—It is correct to address the Lords of the Admiralty collectively as “‘ My Lords,” but it would be equally appropriate add, “I hope your Warships are getting along satisfactorily.

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TRESS S || SABSnR OR Dans“ ' fb FBakisPae™ 2AABE

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

May 12, 1888.]

ie A i

Ove nna ha \ Pi Le i PEOP A MG UERR pec ett <i Ole p oS i = f { SES 1.1 ual aA { os aL House of Commons, Monday, April 30.—No limit to resources of Irish Members. All night Arruvr Batrovr stands with his back to the by = oe deal out smart not invincible, told me all about it. Jozy B. is sly, dev’lish sly, but strictly trath- ful. in boyhood, not in it with Joserx.

Hartineron. Enter Black Rod and Airey- sentence. oe Si at success "You should have seen Black Rod wink at me as he retired back- wards. It was quite O revore,” said Josera Grits, “ We must seudy do comeing Ser lien eee, Be & question comes on.” Meantime, House engaged again on ~Harman Salary B A “‘two-penny-halfpenny measure,” Hewes called it, in burst at “* Nay, (a “it ’s at least a thousand a- year. Sort of thing, one would imagine, GRANDOLPH would Jepese om esnnanle groumte.” GRANDOLPH, strange to say, not in his

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228 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Mar 12, 1888, | lace. When I come to think of it, never is here when King-Harman Savaky _ Cents of House eclipsed to-night by news that awe Bill on. Business done.—Salary Bill and Land Commission | Graaxzn is ill im bed. It is said the rapid of business has Bill read a Second Time. — breath + Pt | he p — Oni : : y sorry. e are our SPEAKER. bad a ee Caeation Ser cetite wditio of Boston Grofters. Lord | 12 his absence Countwey took Chair, Gonsr sitting Inter in Char Advocate answered in usual crusty manner |of Committees. One startling effect of this novelty is to bring out When questions were over, CLakK rose .| @20RGR CaMPBeLt as a humorist. Wants to know what is going euieed leave to move Adjournment. Ex. | to be done with vecant space on arch by Hyde Park Corner formerly regret at interference with ordered | oceupied by revered statue of Duke of Wetiiseton? If they have bate, but explained that he would not | nothing else to put there, will they bring the statue back? Pioyxer have taken the course but for unsatisfactory rather thinks not. Spent £3000 in getting it down to Aldershot. A Lord Advocate. Here's where | considerable sum, but the deliverance worth it. Strictest discipline : : CLaRx, put- preserved at Aldershot. Corporal’s guard always told off to arrest : , sscod, | Sitar, this, beppy arrangemeat by fetehing, stetue beck’ i bn Ded : .| disturb this happy arrangement by ing in oan aly ail aecrtettediy culled for | triumph. All very well for Napotzow to be from time to time found velumineus motes of speech | Cas#¢ from Paris and then brought back amid frantic shouts of alread: | Eager soed || Vive ? Empereur!” Duke quite another person. His statue to * y P ; lagerly seized | be left to adorn Aldershot, y bundle. ith its assistance talked | It was then Camppett made his joke. Said he would “call atten- ae Fd qouman a, tion to the distressing results which have followed the rash removal ber to expect similar luck on ordinary of « landmark dear to the inhabitants of London.” —_ occasions. A pure accident, upon Witrnip Lawsow a little critical; says CamPBELL joking reminds which Contirre Brooks, g out | bim of what Dr. Jonnsow said about the dog walking on its hind of his portrait-frame at Royal lege: “N ¥ yrs, though ae — - ai strange it rae cadem heartil one i ” GoscHEN sna angrily incursion on hi - ny, begged y to cong oom aero. :: yt was reeult - ‘ay ae ~— peeeriene e better. But House, led off by AppIson, laughed consu ’ Rather a dreary Debate, save for and for hours after Gzoncs CAMPBELL, ecstatically nursing his right knee, indulged in silent chuckle. Business done.—GronegE CAMPBELL made a joke. Budget Bill passed through Committee. . Friday.—Asunovrne back in the Lords to-night. Says he’s come over to see Pictures at Academy, and incidentally to introduce Congratulatory Cunliffe. attem a Bill on Irish Bankruptey. O°’ Haniow thinks that’s all a blind. ~ your's airy manner on bed | Suspects Lory Cuance.ior of black designs. : stock of a Scotch Dominie. Wants Smiru to let him bri ** Doesn’t come to London for nothing,” O’Hanton says, gloomily. ferrule. Says he would feel more at home if he had it in hi **No, indeed,” says AsnsournE, in his cheery way. ‘‘ Costs whilst lecturing Scotch Members. Smrru says there’s no precedent | me £4 5s., not to mention cab fares.” for it; Lord Advocate must imagine ferrule. Being here, sets Lords by the ears. Throws in innocent remark in Seotch Crofters summarily disposed of, BraptaveH brought on | discussion on Boycotting, which brings up GRaNVILLE, Spencer, and subject of Waste Lands. The reverberating Cotoms green with | the cumbrous Knousertzy. Markissmarchesin. For some minutes, envy as he sat and heard Braptaveu shout. BrapLaven always | quite a pleasant rumpus. Business done.—Commons Counted Ont. dominated by sense of fitness of things. Waste places being subject of his screed, imagined himself in centre of Salisbury Plain, with audience scattered about the marge. Always a pretty strident voice.| Tuoroven.—‘‘If you want a thing done well, do it yourself,” is But in these circumstances Niagara nowhere, and the reverberating | the motto of action for the Earl of Onstow and Lord Ciuvror, who CoLtomB a puny whisperer. Effect presently seen. BuaDLaved | have lately been inspecting for themselves the sweating dens of shouted place clear of Members. and at a quarter to nine House | Whitechapel—or rather Blackchapel. When a Select Committee Counted Out. Business done.— None. | — to get pod pee let ome get enew, R.4} re = celebrated Wednesday.— It was Marte BLUNDELL’s that killed Jory | 2™**!7HS, 8 sate man, 2 Se eee 00 Se ee Lvssocx’s Bui. No doubt about that. One pen passage in oration | Sune. Success to both their Lordships in their i rung the knell. Losock, trying to | endeavours to get the whole truth out about the ‘* sweating system. coneiliate Opposition, had yn empted They must have experienced some melting moments in Whi vendors of certain hot provisions | ' _ from operation of Bill. It was this) HOW OUR GREENGROCER PROPOSED TO EVADE THE TAX. touched Marte most deeply. | Wrought him up to height | te You may,” he said, holding Bill * You may,” i i ill | between feou and thumb, as if it the next article asked and reall Lis trodit, could? | 7 t J t | secommend ft; “you may have a| a ea. i - y glass of ’ot mapenade, bes oe JAN Tess , LEE want a glass of cold Sir; 7 ' mii. con | Jouw steps in and says, ‘No.’ You ! _ > (ie have «ot tart, but not a cold | mine | ity | ; sank to | y Hy hE 3 Pe ] Taal || Hh | OO] K] ” a iL — — —i— The State in Danger. If,” as he said to his brother Samvrt Cuantes, whom he met in Lords’ corridor, “a gentleman dropping in after Right o’Clock for a pale ale can’t choose between a hot sausage and a cold polony, what are we coming to ?” Business done.— Sir Jous Lussock’s Early Closing Bill thrown out “Wheels? Lor’ bless ye! I ain't gotno wheels! This ’ere’s my | by 278 votes against 95. plain Ah ~. is!” — —— Me —, (pH NOTIE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description n, will im no case be returned, not even when accompanied by @ Stamped and Addressed Epvelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rele there wil) be no exceptiog.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—May 12, 1888, y MEDAL, rams Cae EXHIBITION, (878. INAHAN’S “THE ORRAM ree at WHISKY. cae, RIZE WEDAL, DUBLIN EXHIBITION, 1866, _ppaT TITCHFIELD STREET, LONDON, W. EXSHAW & COS yINEST OLD BRAN . frusceven & Oo, 3, “Regent hoa w. ) VINTAGE PORTS. 0, 8, a, 0, s. JOHNSON & SONS, 475-ON-DEARNE, YORKS. Est. A.D. 1799. BEST AND ESTABLISHED 1825. NEAVE’S FOO CHEAPEST. FOR INFANTS, INVALIDS, AND THE ACED. 70 SAVE THE TEETH, USE DAILY THOMPSON & CAPPER’S DENTIFRICE WATER. In 1s. 64., 2s. 64., 4s. 64., and Ss. 64. bottles. BEWARE OF INJURIOUS IMITATIONS. THOMPSON & CAPPER, CHEMISTS, 55, Bold Street, Liverpool, and 51, Piccadilly, Manchester. RANSOMES’ LAWN MOWERS THE BEST in the WORLD. SILVER MEDALS Inventions Bxhitition, 1895, rtrd say 1886. In all sizes, to suit every requi “NEW AUTOMATO: a “CHAIN AUTOMATON,” “NEW PARIS," and NEW BANK CUTTER “EW AUTOMATON” GARDEN ent ee oeed Beall an tron Trial. d by all Iron harisours, SIMS & JEFFERIES, Lé., Ipewich. am Rage ng d with their performances. . the beard, the better they shave. ... e proud of my well-earned victory,”—S8o or Wiex. the Champion Barber, afier his t great shaving feats in London, concerning RENT’ § ORS may ue the best, most reliable, easiest and cheapest cas Rezors known, and are highly by all who use them. Price 6. the set we ceebrated and largely-imitated GEM AIR GUNS, m~ s0uBLE-A ARMY REY cae “ pny to H.M. War Department. =e Wiochester nae tet Kifle Cartri 3 ROUSE REVOLVER, tor the Vest ket; + Kevolvers — allover the w LLED SHOT GUNS and E RIFLES, for lndiaand tne —~a Price List free, * *IREARMS Co. 4, Pall Mall, London,S. W, ACCONISTS COMMENCING. OW T0 OPEN REMUNERATIVELY from any ay oman smal! or jarge. Ilhustrated ee). 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Bee the word COLLAS on the Cap. BENZINE COLLAS—BENZINE COLLAS. ) sy where,6d., le., and ls. 6/. per} Ty "Gancen & tow. 4, Oxierd Be v. CERTAIN FTN STP kpc CURE. ELECTROPATHIC BELT | PARALYSIS. Whiteparish, Sal istra wen writen = Blass decidedly batt your Blactre. LEA & PERRINS’ SAUCE. LEA & PERRIN®G SAUC which are calculated to deceive the Pu Tas & Pesnsme Seat San attention ip the that each bottle of the Original and Genui WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE signature. thus— Lea IGP vnig Wholesale by the Proprietors, Worcester aan Biacawatr, Seaton vind Export Ollmed Retail by Dealers in Piroughout the World, SWIFT'S SPECIFIC is entirely a Vegetable P ration, coptntaing | ae Mercury, Potas Arsenic, or any yo stance, and cleanses the blood by amg bX out t the impurities through the pores of the skin. of Seupante of cases ¢ blood peeeioee, tir e been re- lieved by Swift’ . Bpecite Mrs. Sanam Powsntt, Russel! Street, Hyde Road, West Gorton, Manchocter, writes “I suffered for many years with Cancer on my tongue, which came near putting me in the grave, I took Swift's Specific,and am now well—can walk and talk as well as any one. I owe everything to 8.5.8. Iam ready to answer all questions.” 8.6.8.—Swilt's Specific, sold by al! Chemists and Patent Medicine Dealers. Price—Liquid, 4s, 64. per bottle; Dry, 2s. 64. per package, posted on receipt of above price. Send for Treatise on Blood and Skin Diseases. Posted free THE SWIFT SPECIFIC COMPANY, 3%, SNOW HILL, LONDON, EC, MAPPIN & WEBB'S TABLE KNIVES. DINNEFORD'S MAGNESIA. For ACIDITY or ras STOMACH, HEARTBUEN HEADACHE, GOUT, and INDIGESTION. 180, BOND STREET, and all Chemists. SMOKE 3 PAYED S iar “oe NAVY CUT ove hot th Label Sere pte a THE PERFECTION OF TOBACCO. HO2IN@, COUGH ROCHE. cure without mternal Bole py ea , W. Bow ‘eben tae, Queen Vieherte, Btreet (formerly of ‘a. St. Paul's Bold by most Chemists.” Price 4s. per bottie, THE ONLY REMEDY FOR BAGGY KNEES. JOHN HAMILTON rom ~~ & O0.’S Trouséns Gp STRETOHER OF TAILORS, HOSIERS, &o. Polished Walnut gmap Nickel Kod and Fittings . Poli-hed Birch Clamps, Bronze ditto Plain ditto ditto ditto Plain Birch Clamps, Rods not jointed Jrttepencabte to Gricheters and Le: yers is Pranvertive flannel pa. A SHRINKING ATTER BEING WASHED, ANT.—AVOID IMITATIONS, and insist pon sons AMILTUN & CO,'s PATENT, each If any difficulty in obtaining, or ot er #tretchers are atte: to be +» Ba, Gd, + Sa, Gd, Tennis ousers ped with Name and Trade Mark. substituted, send ?.0 0. (with . extra for carriage) to the Makeis, 7, Puscir Lane, Lonpvon, EC. TIDMAN’s ’S SEA SALT. SEA by the Royal Family. TIDMAN'S SEA SALT. and approved 7. Dr. Hassall, TIDMAN'S 8 SEA SALT Medical Men. TIDMAN' 8 SEA SALT. Has given Strength and Vigour to Millions. ILIFTS ae MCCALL'S PAYSANDU OX TONGUES.

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wer: rrr PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Mar 12, 1888 ~ aa ars ~~ ~ 7 ~~

>» 7 LETTER am ; of the ‘ delicate. Our om el » International Health : Store Ear Zee. The meat - Exhibition, London, é Netie | Sy soeeg ol St phas been awarded for Sin fact,” the homer coadtinn ; this Food; . BENGER’S FOOD is wid sty, - and it is recommended = 4, mw kp oby the LANOET wt TPownage Ped £2 , and the MOTTERSHEAD & q 4 (8. Pars @ FB. Besos: » 7, Exchange 8t, REN, and INVALIDS. PP a ras A Pe

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The New Work by the UR G LA R I L L. author of “Vice VERSA,” &c., reprinted from “ Punch,” with an Illustration by L. SAMBOURNE. will be — shed on » Friday. Price One Shilling. at ony " wa = Je $y Pee igor ne is KEN is Nia PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET. AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS, hat MENIER ona222.0n v x oO m 4 =z D m m v m oe 2] -

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Mar 19, 1888. BLACK’S Guide _ Books. Brighten is late of Man, 2s. 64 Berton is Isle of Wight, ls. 64. Craner: isiands, ly 44 Jereecy, le. Che tenbham, is Kent, Ss. 64 Killermey Lakes, la. Leamington, is Leicestershire, 2s. 64. London, ts. #4. Nottinghamshire, 3s. 64. Carewell, ts. 64 Dervy shire. 2s 64 Devonshire, Bs 64. Dorsetohire, le 64 Rogland, i0«. 64 Baglish Lakes, +. 64 Searborough, ls. Gioweerstershire Is. 64 Seotiand, te 64. & le. Guerneey, ie Surrey, 2s. 6d. Sussex, Be. 64, Wales, &. & le. Warwickshire, 3s. 64. Yorkshire, 6s. Harrogate le Hempehire, 2+ 64. Hereford, is 6d Ireland, bs. RBéinbergh: ADAM ssp CHARLES BLACK. “ Inexpressidiy fine There has been nothing to equal it in any recent work of fetion.” Youn Huasto. JOHN WESTACOTT. By JAMES BAKER. Cheaper Edition. 1 vol., és. * Buquisite Uterary work... John Westacott, Colbourne, Lieechen and the rest, are all appurentiy stv ties from life.” *rectaton ‘ b.ffective pictures of life Gearusce;: “ Well written and well constructed novel Mach pathos Genuine passion . Good portraiture” Goaspian: “ Charmingly written and very in- London & sey. anepes & CB. THE MATRIMONIAL HERALD AND FASHIONABLE MARRIAGE GAZETTE is the original ard only recognised A for High-Uiass Introductions. The largest end most succe — Matrimonial Agency in « World. Price 34. envelope, 444 —Addvess Editor, #, Lamb's Conduit Street, London, WA “OUR NEIGHBOURS.” PARTRIDGE & COOPER, * STATIONERS, ___:102, FL "FLEET. STREET. _ STOUT PEOPLE OBESITY casily, pleasantly, and certainly cured, without hardship or nauseating A valuable treatise showing how fat can be des- troyed nul merely le-een d) and the cause removed, together with the prescription, advice, and fuil explanations HUW TU ACT, sent FREE on app cation. “ The only common-sense work on corpu leney ever issued." —N. ¥. Map ecu. B.E. Lynton, Bloomsbury Mansica, Bloomsbury, Len. Legion of Honour, 1878. Royal Portucuese K night- hood, 183. Gold Medals and other distinctions JOHN BRINSMEAD & SONS’ PIANOS om Guineas upwards 6,2, and 2, "wiomon EB »TKEET, LONDON, W ate Pree COLT’s DOUBLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER, a8 supplied to N.M. War Department. COLTS SINGLE-ACTION ARMY ——. as osoptes by the Uaited vernment. OOLT’s * pasTOL Winchaster eee Rifle Cartridge, 44 cal. COLTS HOUSE REV and DERINGER jor = Vest takes the Colt and REVOL pocket ys 4 only Coit's Kevol vers are all over the world. coLTs Apa SHOT GUNS and LIGHTNING E RIFLES, tor Lndiaand tae Coionies Price List tree COLT'> FIREARMS Co. ,i4, Pall Mall, Londons. W, FRY’S PURE CONCENTRATED SOLUBLE “T consider it a very rich delicious Cocoa.” COCOA —W. H. 8. STANLEY, M.D. CMM §6=6—6RES JOSEPH GILLOTT’S STEEL PENS Paris, 1878. RANSOMES’ LAWN MOWERS THE BEST in the WORLD, SILVER MEDALS Inventions Exhbitition, 1885, Liverpool, 1886. In all size., to suit every requirement. “NEW AUTOMATON,” “CHAIN AUTOMATON,” “NEW PAIS,’ and NEW BANK CUTTER. “NEW AUTOMATON” GARDEN ROLLERS. All Machines sent on a Month's Free Trial Carriage Paid. Supplied by ail) Ironmongers. RANSOMES, SIMS & JEFTERILES, L4., Ipswich. SUPREMELY DELICIOUS! Friehmelt’s - and ites Cm baccos TOBACCO “wae wo CIGARETTES The only Tobacco which is Non-Enervating, and recommended by the Medical Faculty. Smokers can vow enjoy the pleasures of the weed and fre! Mealthier and Stronger after its use. Cigaettes, Ss. per 100; £3 Ge. 64. per 1009. Second quality, és per 100; £2 ids. 84. per 1000. Packets of 0, 2. ; second quality, ls. 64. Tobacco, strong or mild, 2-on. packets, le. 6d.; or 10s, per Ib. from 4 Ib. and up wards. BSoLz Consioners eo en Seen Usrrep Kixepom anv Low THE FRENCH HYCIENIC SOCIETY, 56, CONDUIT STREET, REGENT B8T., LONDON, W. (THE TRADE SUPPLIED.) GUEST’S ENAMELS. All Colours. For Baths, Domestic, and Art Deco- rations Resist ol and boiling water, and dry in 3 minutes. In le., 2¢, and 4s. Tins. Sold by Iron- mongers, Oiimen and Chemists everywheie. Shade List and all particulars fom Warehvuse, 73, 8ST. JOHN STREET, EC. asseurriT FREz MAPPIN & WEBB’S ELECTRO PLATE URNISH ON Save Capital. Furnish from Income. All the Best Manufacturers to select from. Free delivery. No es erenpenes #,Qoeen Victron wreee, B.C., 4 33, Cocasron Srarer, 8.W ORGANINA THIBOUVILLE This small instrament he THE ORCANINA THIBOUVILLE SURPASSES IN PEK FECTION all the instru- ments of this kind. Hy its moderate price the Organina Thidouville is wi. hin the reech of all, and can be obtained from ali Musical Instrument eale:s,or att Inventor's, JEROME THIBOUVILLE-LAXY, oss Sracer, Hotsoans Cracve, Le~ pow, BE. Manufacturer of Musical Ins struments of every pacript 7 A of THE PIANISTA, that well-known splendid apparatus for » ng the pianoforte without beimg a musician JEWSBURY & BROWN’S Oriental = = ooth= Paste. 10, Cuanrs ano — Chem- rer a Brown. COLLINSON & LOCK. CRETONNES CHALLIS ano CHINTZES HE GREATEST VARIETY. ARTISTIC FURNITURE OF EVERY DESCRIPTION. INEXPENSIVE AND THE FINEST WORKMANSHIP. TWENTY COMPLETELY FURNISHED BEDROOMS ON VIEW. 76 to 80, OXFORD STREET, W. | zane Solid by most Chemists. | rice TRELOAR’S LINOLEU I8 WELL SEASONZ», AND THEArFoRs WEARS RS WELL, TRELOAR & SONS 68, 69, & 70, LUDGATE & CATALOGUES FREE Established 1832. Eleven Prize Meta OXFORD.—MITRE HOTE ONE OF THE MOST ECONOMIC FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE Kiy THE SANITARY "EUCALYPTUS SOM Purifies the Skin and Hesutifies the Compie WHITAKER & GROSSMITH, 22, SILK STREET, CITY, LONDox le. 64. Box of 3, at Chemists and Grocers, ad BRILL’S SEA 14d. per Bath, gS A LT BRACING AND REFRESHIN OF ALL CHEMISTS, é TOBACCONISTS COMMENCING. OW TO OPEN BEMUUERASIVELE from amount, however small or large. [ih free). LESSER FRIEDLAND London. Established © yean. Cata 3,H | HOPING couc G COUGH — pe FOR DELICATE CHILDAEK. SQUIRES CHEMICA FOOD. A PHOSPHATIC FOOD. In Bottles, 2s., 3s. 64., and 6s. cach of Or by Parcel Post free direct from SQUIRE & S0N5, Hea Masesrt’s Cusmists, 413, OXFORD STREET, LONDOS. Bave two lrofits, by —_ > a Urry, LINDSAY'S . A) - - x Sans 4 + z ‘tindeay & ERISH ‘nR har Manufacturers to LINENS ee Gives a brilliant ADD equa! to patent loathor to Shoes. ite roess and Leather article: whied @ week in oll weathers. Mod can lich remains. Sold ev: -

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\ \LT tESHING TS, de VELY ‘row ge. lh tI BDLAND! — Mar 19, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. _ — A MUSICAL NOTE, Bow and ‘‘Many Happy Returns” in every sense of the word to ft, Fae. Cowzx, who is off to acre tt “ the gir wr Ate s 709! tions, and soowing= room a logues aseqi an Miss CowEn and Mr. Eric Lewis ove a capi- oc sort of en- ~ tertainment Mr. Fred. Cowen Personally Conducting his Or: nates, bo » ee Melbourne. Overture, “ Advance (£6000), Australia!’”? 9 ‘ie Dteln- way Miss CowEn’s recitals were all good, but I should select traf and “ Little Mrs. Somebody ” as the x of the basket. Grack DAMIAN’s singing of & The Angel Came,” and “‘ For Lack ~ Thee,” made a great hit—quite a coup de ** Grace””—and confirmed the success of the Matinée. There is something so thorough about this lady’s method, her whole heart and Moat bee being ovidonty in her work, that, inepired | by a pean. feeling towards her, as her name is 80 uncommon . I sign myself yrergp Prraus. INFANT POLITICIANS. A Forecast of the Future, “Women could very easily begin political training with their children so as to familiarise them with hearing the great questions of the day discussed at home." — Report of Lady Montagu’s Speech at the Ladies’ Grand Council of the Primrose League. Tory Mamma (to highly-trained children). And you must never despise or look down upon other le just because they happen to be Gladstonians, You should always remember that it is your good fortune, not your own merit, that you have been brought up — let Boy. Yes, Mother, if Papa hadn’t ratted at just the time—— right [Tory Mamma thinks it is time they went up to their tea. Scuns—Afternoon Reception in a Conservative Salon. Little Lady Primula Donat pe 7—to Noble Kinsman). Oh, Uncle ener, will wed ye get my ’s name put down on your list for jas clasp? She’s got all the Noah’s Ark animals to join our beunch of the League ! Scunz—The Nursery. Father, M. P. (goin to see his children, what all eeaet Why, this? Why won't EL? ann (severely). Well, Papa, you see Baby’s a little disappointed the vote you gave on the Second Reading of the Lundy Island Home tole Bil and so are all of us! i ’ father (to Godson). Well, what would you like for your birth- a Bossy P Bobby (with decision), Guide to the House of Commons, please— ind « new ballot- bo box. Re nds himself coolly Baby kiss me, eh, litle man? Fairy 7 ee ee all B, my man mes, oy. Something m: Petter then that old rubbish! { Cet ae tn So te ye- d (with | an A Cer) oh, Mr. Humpevm, won't it be jolly when the may General Election ‘comes, and we’ re ‘as in 1885— only better,” | wi Ww In the Nursery again. Mabel (to her Governess). Oh, Miss Gunton, do speak to Recorr— wil Friend (to Small Buy). I’m it i 80 mean of him! You know the Gentleman Doll out of my s-house was returned for the Fireplace Division, by a large | the Member for Hanley, ‘** Wou ? al the cats plumped for him and two of the canaries REGGIE says the General of his tin soldiers is really elected, tk there was ‘undue influence,” and—and he’s gone and unseated my Gentleman Doll on petition, into the bath | Artful Little Girl (to her mother, a strong Gladstonian). Mummy, we anny men new ol ut you have a very nice doll already, dear Re- ie Girl. I know—but I’ve just found out she’s 4 Dissentient 7. Mother, what do think? While you auite « long talk with . Branx—(you know for Ireland now and just fancy, Mother, I’ve alusesh percunliod len to torn Wines Roeed tho ees Political Parent (Radical). Tell you a story? Well, what shall Little Priscilla ( 9). a away, I’ve rapidly. |it be? Frederick (aged 5 Tell us about what Mr. Baurovr told Mr, Biunt he meant to do to the Parnellites! M: (9). No that’s 0. ally cael Let’s have the one about Mite Harry (10). Oh, we’ve heard that so often! Tell us how naughty Mr. GLapsTons. Colonel Dorrie at Violet (11). Oh, not that one! J want the Battle of Trafalgar Square, and w Mr. Granam went to prison | [And so aa Political Parent, as a compromise, reads to them out of Hansard until bedtime. Not Improbable Result of Early Political Training. Friend of the Family (in touch with the latest ideas—to small by So you ’re twelve next Monday, are you, Master Hanoip? Wel you what I’ll do—I’ll take you ps a the Strangers’ Gallery of the House that one fa Misistes bate, Giapstone to move vote of want of confidence in Cann, at will boa treat for you, won’t it ? arold (with ay dignity). Thank yee, but I’m not in the Nursery now, you know. I’ve got a little old to be amused by all that sort of thing any longer “A WINTER’S TALE” SPOILT. Bootle’ Baby, at the Globe as a play is not a Se the Stann’ard of the well-known novel by “Joun Srranor This un dramatic dramatisation of Dente’ Babu ot the Glo lobe >, is an ill-constructed play furnished with stupid dia- infant Boole of het Te pe tees Ant. But for the infant F nag of shld bo ever - —. & to aicetie first night's performance would ‘he dreary one, even in spi’ a aan audiences ever — mle-snemagaanes ona struction of the piece. By the time =, notipe appease ppears, considerable alterations will ~~ have been jamghns me the piece will be played within reasonable limits. Mr. orenen —_ ting, and as the i com Miss ge Nase, WORTH loo interesting, tried to compensate for poverty dialogue by wealth of action. Miss Linpier looked and acted very well we rs. saith Mr. Epmunp Mavrice played Bootles in a straightforward manly oe Le GILBERT FarQquHar represented, it is not improbable, a pe regimental doctor, with which, thank goodness, I am unacquainted. No potter cfficer’s servant could be found than Mr. CHaRuEs Coceeree, Gs Hs, and one can have too much of even so good om indeed, thinking over it, the im my mind "ty the glow fs fhe hat iran all Consergn end Bablen frash es _ I deserved to be punished for going to a premiére, an exception for Yours ae JACK-IN-THE-Box. P.S.—There doesn’t seem at first si g- much connection between this very modern inartistio work the pistareene, romantic, musical fragment, entitled The Seren, as performed at Professor Herxomen’s Theatre, Bushey. et there is. In the latter, round the stolen child the vere ran, and danced, Now this is d his little hands. mp gh Bye he between Bootles’ Baby and The Soietderin't is the pore Me ce of Roaring Camp. ic Woman’s | ae un says of all were like him!’ A Prrwrose Dame and en VoL. Ic™, x

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Mar 19, 1883, | And merry voices are heard at tennis, and the Whe ee ee en ced and) ere the balls e cricket- meshes Bg A pan swaying | On 0 vatiee pee We hang the ulster, and bask in the su, ray, and theng.' long Winter is scarce remembered sag ett atid ay, . me we gravely lieve May.’ tingale whisper, “y ’ always like this in M nie ”

MR. PUNCH’S ALARMIST ALPHABET. (Dedicated to owr Naval and Military experts, to whose warn. sae our Rulers attach no particular importance. ) ’s the Alarm that the Country ’s defenceless. ’s the Belief such assertions are senseless. ers the Commission that sits with to them ; D our Defences—the one topic b: to them! E's the Expense—it's supposed we shall grudge it! | F is the Fear of increasing the Budget. G stands for Guns, which we thought we had gut H is the Howl when we hear we have not. 1’s the Inquiry, abuses to right meant ; J is the Judgment (a crushing indictment ! ); K is the Knot of red tape someone ties on it ; 1,’s Limbo—where no one will ever set eyes on it! M is the Murmar, too quickly forgotten. . is our Navy which some say is rotten. ‘s the Official who bungles with bonhomie, ’s Party-Government—all for Economy. A is the Question engrossing our Statesmen. R is Retrenchment, which so fascinates men. 8 stands for Services, starved (out of Policy). Ti is the Time when—too late !—we our folly see. U is the Uproar of Struggle Titanic ; V is the Vote we shall pass in a panic. W’s War—with the Capture of London. . out Xegemene of arts aan a, . is the Yoke we s ve to get u Two NASTY ONES. Z is the Zero our Empire ’s reduced to! Jones (who has not been asked), ‘‘Utto! ANOTHER OF THOSE BIG ORUSHES AT ee Lavy GaTHeRum’s, WHERE I'M TOLD THE BUTLER 18 ALLOWED TO INVITE HIS) OWN PARTICULAR Farenps. You WERE THERE, OF Covass!” THE NEXT ARMADA, Brown (who has). ‘'Yus—anp rou wsrsn'r, I suppose THE BUTLER BAD | ’ ; ’ To DRAW THE Lixs somewaxRs/” | 4 Brigl Chapter from the History of Macaulay Junior,

ene Sat ™ | TO MAY. (To Cease Fooling.) In the City the agitation = fearful. a Ne Tax Winter is an Cin enh ea ome RS ee ee |doubt that the decisive crisis approaching. shamefaced ay known, from the second ‘edition ol of “the Times, that ‘the And ,—>L,, , conscientious hedges are keeping the fous, though it's fer tinting te vi aye nap hn ny Leg og rom gay ; 1s ay? dring chs D The grass is mown, and the meads are ready, the trees are waiting, but where sped followed wut. “The former had found ital at | What must the cuckoo be thinking of you, and what must the nightingale, the enth hour, unprovided wi crered. tat itr latter, at the crucial moment, discovered it was Clinging as ove to his bloomy spray with the nightingale’s notion of tooth eluting the arrival of fa ammunition, | Wht Ves shreds j i t mys w a! wi sot scence ee a facts ee, later in the ~ nau tad ‘yt The trees, like masts for the festa] banners, are y for their array, | appearance 0 ing editions of morning And the early comers, in wasted triumph, stream to the stormy day, | |the public excitement knew nO. bounds. A widens weal panic While the blossoms are blown about like smoke, and the ‘otet-leanve are grey. | seized the Stock i ** Goschens” went down to sixty at a single gl ve well-known Stockbrokers But you pause in your wilfal, wares cont, wi with a tear in your bold blue eye, | went off their heads, and were removed in cabs by the And the sun shines out, and the wind has dropp’d, and the the woodland voices cry li lent hysterics. weThe Lord Mayor appeared With thronging rapture of faith unshaken, that the storms have all gone ad 9 ap hey, the Mansion House, and endea’ ae youred to by the mob, O May, shall we never so pen aut sehen ih aeiiesthemmn te told aict eae eed arith Pace Booka once recognised by With just the flush of the re ae But things assumed « most Think < od gardens and meads ; scatter your lifeon the wood!/and’s Admiralty. A vast multitude earth. Parliament Street i Postecriptum (when the wind has changed). —— Sy. pian foal at the * Board.” The Pol So, after all, you were only playing, hiding behind the birch-crowned hill, precautionary measure of crea is The First Lar Where the light at ~y is ly golden, a Ly: of sunbeam and daffodil, | appeared inside the enclosure, wes daily And the rays through the new leaves drop like honey, whence flowers their | signal for an ominous roe, He Les wine trem a Ob, ay a, in your Mayward way you have suddenly come to the world a me and gazed feebly below. He was u ye. aP ty that baffles telling, on earth below and in heaven above, ihe anal al ; While the mellow call of the cuckoo mingles with the deep content of the dove. Hie trench was pa oaeet ae : The mustard and cress in the kitchen garden gladdens the householder’s heart withdrew. oy minutes later it was at morn,

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* Fie s ESS REY: saises 3 if AETERRERE | eres

| May 19, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

k, and was hiding himself from the fury tt the mob in an unfrequented slum in in the Metropolis of the Empire, still graver issues were being arrived at on that “* silver streek,” which, up to now, had popularly, | fat erroneously, boom as its sure | defence. What had been of the British 'Channel Fleet after its first disastrous encounter with the joint Armada off the afternoon which saw the last blow struck for the preservation of the Empire. The | fight commenced by a general attack of the enemy. But it did not last a In a very ritish ironclads, | few minutes seven of the B including that of the Admiral, were blown oy Se losion of their own guns. The were he rest foun: cagplied quarter of an hour of the firing of the first nant of the British Fleet had preeticaly nant of the Britis eet ically d. That evening the advance despatch boats of the joint Armada off Gravesend, and 120,000 swere landed =o < ish coast Sebween Eateete and e. ; by the news of the disaster sppeered in the evening papers, panic, w been gies ug strength as the day pro- en culminated in fever-heat. Every- bonds the streets asking, with staring ls, for the latest news. ually it became known that 75,000 enemy were advancing on the capital and the General eye

' A i bul a ’ |

; high ‘OH, TAX ’EM, BY ALL MEANS!” Hawker (outside, taking advantage of the open window) “ Bot & wick Mor, Gov’xour |”

Sydenham, animals, and there waiting the course of events. : thorities were fairl their mettle. They instantly supplied three Volunteer b adbrogge 5 sie ef am checlete and. antiquated Nor was this all. They pattern. J . the (loge to Woolwich to expedite the selection of a model for the new magazine rifle, their communication *’ nt.” Matters, meanwhile, at head-quarters ge ae pushed forward. “Incnisies were made for Mr. StawHorr’s the Thames.” Every pigeon Departmont did not despair, Th ee Geel oo soberly to come abou

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—— PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI (Mar 19, 1888, | " ' dressed, accommodated with a seat. Baumann, fay, | Po hu ill lid de mieux, aaa brief for defence. Crowds wit. | er 7 ans Se wear anything, either ty | %, 3 if ving tos character or been with the prisoner in any par. tieular place at any particular time mentioned in fol ment. Solicitor General, interposing as amicus curiae, urged Court to look over affair, as another formal and more serious charge preferred against prisoner and his of Oourt to deal lenieutly with prisoner, "Wall'tee of Court to eniently with prisoner. ell known for his phi thropy, his hospitality, and his “ Hear! hear!” In the end, Jury d It is stated that 158 wane for a verdict of ** Guilty,” and 156 = uittal, sequence was, pri and left the Court accompanied by his friends. Turned up a little later in support of Sam Surrn’s motion deploring the —_ of demoralising liters. ture in the country. traces all the iniquities e L gence in —- literature of tendency. “If it t,” he been for penny dreadfuls, said, “ (the Street Committee would never have gone e ‘charpy chip long ego if it hada’t beon for the mind sionary ship ago, if i j ‘or the minds of the Court of Aldermen becoming unhinged by reading accounts of piratical excursions up the River Lea, penny plain, twopence coloured.” Business done.—Corporation on its trial. Jury dis- agreed. Wednesday.—Antuvrk Batrovr had pleasant time this afternoon. Usually has Irish Members banded against him. Fights them on wholesale | gre “One down, anothefF come on.” To-day sa’ pene | ' on Treasury Bench, whilst Irish Members demolish n n ’ each other. Fun broke out on Second Reading on Irish — atte tears Saturday Closing Bill. T. W. Russett brought it in; jouse of Commons, Monday, May 7.—ARtHUR Montacvr Brooxrrexp| cireu ee didn’t particularly recommend it to any came down to House to-day, whistling “‘ Maribrook il sen va-t-en guerre.” | section. As Fiyxx into metaphor, and re- BRooxFrecD was in 13th Hussars, doncha. Now sits for Rye, and sometimes | membering work of Arthe seen somewhere, observed, writes books. Had a great notion to-day. On Friday Brapiaven orating on| ‘ Russert always trea Ireland as The Dirt Bor Waste Lands. Incidentally spoke disrespectfall one hundred thousand | catehing it by the of the neck, and forcibly acres of waste land in Sussex. All Brooxrretp’s martial ardour boiled over. eens to wash its face.” — ’ Rye should see what he could do for the county. Went out to prepare his| Irish Members sharply divided on Bill. Some sup- speech. — . Didn’t matter; too busy. tly messengers come in| ported it, others opposed it. ParweLt, with charac- to put lights out. House counted, ‘BrapLaven got off scot-free, Sussex sat | teristic judicious reserve, declined either upon, Rye unav ! to support or opposite. Jonn O'Con- Thus things look black on Friday night. But to-day sky brightened.| 08 moved rejection. Thereafter as- BRooKFIELD y thought. Wh down to House, rise after | sumed that AnTHuR BaLrovur’s remarks — crave ind nee to discourse on personal matter, and, as Marie | 0m Bill were personal to himself. House LUNDELL would say, give it Braptavon ’ot? Some fellows when they can’t|*ereamed with laughter when ArnEr- a peck write to long-suffering 7imes, and work off stray thoughts.| ARTHUR having made a particular ' to rise on personal question. Members always listen to personal | statement, Lone Jonn slowly uncoiled question ; all the papers report it at length. Wonder never thought of this | himself, and, ~ 4! to fullest height. =. " tants | e had *‘ never ROOKFIELD i] s’en va-t-en e—all across the Park, where the Spri t.” In vain Batrour leaves danced out to see him go by. Arrived at House took seat immedintely had not mentioned Hon. Member, had on right of Srzaxen, so as to catch his eye when time came. Questions over, | 20t had him in his mind, was not, in rose, produced manuscript, and “ claimed indulgence of House whilst he made | whatever indirect way, referring to him. personal statement.” Members beginning to crowd out under impression| After a few more sentences, Lone that business was commencing, halted, turned back, resumed seats. Broox-|JOHN’s legs observed to move, then FIELD began with reference to Count Out on Friday, to BrapLaven’s “ serious | Slowly uprose the columnar edifice, and and absolutely unfounded allegation,” and so on to the existence of hundred|® volce was heard saying, more in thousand acres of waste land in the county of Sussex—‘‘one of the divisions | %orrow than in anger, “I assure Right of which I have the honour to - a Contents I never said any- PEAKER on his feet, with warning of “Order! Order!” ‘‘ One hundred | thing of the kind. thousand acres of waste land,” said he, * cannot possibly be a subject of personal| Presently Arkey-ARTHUR grew ac- aqanciion” customed to wpe pt Regarded inter- ROOKFIELD nervously explained that he was coming to the personal matter. | position as note miration, ps Spzaxee sternly shook his head. To cross an ordi i , or fifty acres of | rather too plentifully sprinkled abo ploughed land, might be permitted; bat s naseisieaten cf enete his sentences. When the tall figure la i House evidently could not wait whilst he crossed it at er st at Go uae oy uonaiie Howes PRAKER called on next business, and BRooxFIeLD mournfully pi his | signs movemen resu i way back through the hundred thousand acres. 4 seat, Jouw O'Connor made his protest, ‘Marte BLUNDELL was quite right,” he wearily said. “Dead set in| and Batrovr continued his speech as on against anything ’ot. I might have made a cool | if nothing had ha . — but when I meant to give it Braptaven ot, SPzakeR shuts me up.” — done.—Irish Saturday Clo- usiness done —Loeal Government Electors Bill through Committee. Glebe | %i2« Bill read Second Time, Lands Bill read Third Time. Got into Committee on Evi i At this rate soon have no work to do. es meet Tuesday.—Alderman Sir Roszrt F: thrice Lord Mayor of i fhe tock conta Ne go ine finding hiael there, x meaty hw i lictions, but as chief representative in House i IRTH prosecution. With him Brapraven, QC. Price ean ceded sly

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oF | * | iH Pres i oft the Mary 19, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 333 Secuerany whether he had received official information of the | could onl outrage, and he was to proclaimed district? But Quam ’t put in appearance, and over. une and t we can do without War gag =— haps even without Premier. i “ Struck all of a Heap.” a lively half-hour. Running neck- and-neck in point of excitement was the scene in other House where BrapLaveH came to the front again. GranpotrpH took oppor- tunity of landing Old Morality a back-hander, and there was gene- rally the doose to pay. Business done.—Flare up in both Houses, FROM BROMPTON TO DENMARK AND ITALY. (By Our Much Abroad Contributor.) ARMED with the sealed instructions of my Editor (not to be eet | ees wel a . I left Brom for distant climes | open: of the home of our ancestors, and land that, by universal consent, is known as “‘ The Garden of Europe.”’ It is un- to describe my journey (which I need scarcely say was by the erzee-Exhibitionersberg, and the Diss-Trickrailwayzein), as it was uneventful. I will merely observe that I was soon, very soon, in the centre of Denmark. It was a most remarkable spot, and on every side I found evidences that I was indeed out of England. The first object that attracted my attention was a sort of boat, painted a a ee eee ee oe nn oe and there with fountains. This vessel a solitary mast, or rather pole, sur- mounted with a kind of globe of intertwined hoops, also coloured vermilion. On closer inspection, I found that this globe at night- time could be exchanged for a lamp. , ’ Tat na peyote site ne. Hoot a am no y ore, is to ‘ound, as a rule (is it not ?), at the mouth of the Thames.” , “You are not quite ” was the reply. ‘This is indeed a Nore—but not the Engli ore. This is o Danish origin. It is! mentioned by SHaxKsPeaReR, and is called Elsic-Nore.’ Much pleased with this discovery, I continued my explorations, cual cottages. hs p 6 eel oe oe sal te she is questionable,” I replied, g show my erudition. that he ha half of it—say the last half—but the Ham, I mist & attri peels te Bacon.” 4 Ryko 4 A et Sy pp Eas of I was much struck with her Vain, ps vA ana corer = Hy with straw. “T have lived all my life in ir,” was the soft response, I am really of Irish extraction. My name is O’Paxtia.” it “‘ O’Failure,” which gave me an opportanity of declaring that I was quite sure that it was a misnomer—that she igh ther thirsty work. By degrees the views became slightly indistinet, and then I witnereed extraordinary ed my sealed instructions. were as follows :— **Go to the Anglo-Danish and Italian Exhibitions, and write a preliminary notice of what you didn’t see.” With a sigh of relief ( a slight head-ache), I reflected that | had carried out my Editor’s instructions to the letter ! “DISTRICT VISITORS.” Tuat there is “‘no more useful class, whether it be first, seoond or third, than ‘the District Visitor,’” is the opinion of every official connected with the District Railway and the Exhibitions at South and West Kensington. Such, also, is the sentiment of the aristo- cratic Earl of Earl’s Court, in whose heraldic s stands out conspicuous “the Early Bird ona field argent, ca the worm sluggant.”’ or these District Visitors to London has been compiled, by an anonymous writer, an excellent District Railway Guide, so choke- fall of useful and interesting information that the intending Visitor who purchases it, may consider the most economical way of spending a happy day to be re only as it does not include ils of I and Anglo-Danish Shows, he will have to visit these, unless he er trusting to his imagination. The maps, as we of pat a be taken as models some of our b U eminen War Office will do well to consider ‘the thin Red oe — men ie = a im ? ee all much for the present—if you can get somebody to give as a present, all the better, if not it is sixpence well spent,—and in the future not dim and distant, we may have something more to say on these same lines. It is published by “ Aryrep Boor amp yg Bey pair of Boots, roy egg ey LT RRS pha ic, it, as Lucros Jumtus say, gp ota.” Boots Bootitalir getan? Whet old Boots. it to add that it is : 7 LR, reine it wouldn’t be still better if more le, is for Publisher to consider. But, d pr that in 0 portable form is quite another pale of chees. A good advertise- ment for the Guide would be here. up “ Boors Sold de on ”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (May 19, 1888, ‘SHIDO GNV HLIHIW JO 10a AMBA ABHL ~¥ | 4 | his (\! i Ve =17 worms Fs s0% (wry Tua.y 37 THE QUESTION OF THE DAY. Mrs. Wistful, ‘‘Wuat Harry Prorie you are, To Have Six wick Daveuters! Waat Resources ror your O1p Acs!” Mr. Quiverful. ‘'Yus. Resovrces exsoves! Bor ree Dirricutty, NOWADAYS, CoxsisTs In Huspanwpine one’s Resources!” “ THREE JOLLY POST- BOYS! 1» “As to t *other—‘ National Defences 4 bag—we find, boys, That it is a lumping load, and for our nags a grind, boys; Ture jolly Post-boys were drinking at the ‘‘ Dragon,” But, although its weight may irk, Each ot th em considered he’d a big success to brag on ; We muat face that piece of work, And determined, And, whatever else we shirk, y determined, Can’t leave that behind, boys ! Triumphantly determined ** Steady does it; be the road to China or to Chiswick. To push about the flagon. Patience cures the (Party) gout. the colic, and the phthisic ; ** Landlord, fill the flowing bowl, until it rans over ! And it is allowed to be, Each of us, in season, of good tipple is a lover ; Commonly allowed to be, There are not three thirstier boys, By the wise allowed to be, Bibulously thirstier boys, The very best of physic. Gloriously thirstier . ** Pash the jonn one my boys! A man may be too sober. From here away to Dover!” We are not the lads to shirk a draught of sound October. Surrn—a steadier rider never threw his leg o’er leather ; Fill the bumper, crack the joke. Goscu ex —he was game to h every kind o’ ‘weather ; We're not WiLFarps; a good soak RitcuH1s— Will not hurt our British oak ; tl were on rod mirth oe ont glee ; Genuine quercus robur. over 6 mere ‘* Presently again we'll mount our postchaise smart and yellow, Took the read together. For the moment let us until we’re ripe and mellow. “ Here is our first stage!” they cried; ‘‘ we may take an easy. He who tolls, fae Seer Se Pace we have put on, my boys, will make ’ Like myself , dear boys, — you— If you'd see Post-boys proud, Lives 08 9, maa ough fe Post-boys jubilant and proud, And dies a jolly fellow’ Post-boys with good reason proud, Gentlemen, us three .~HEHLEDOL GVOH HHL MOOL [ Left drinking. ** Rivals swore we couldn’t ride quarrel. Caancz or Name.—In the Divisional Court, before Mr. Justice * The cropper Burtt, appeared, in Wrench v. Wrench—a wrench asunder—one — onal — Mr. Cawxor as counsel for the petitioner. It is an unfortunate name, ‘‘ Who will take the case?” asks the client of her solicitor. boys ; “ He, Cannot,” answers her adviser. * Can not! shail not,” indig- of rue and sorrel. oy, exclaims mh ay yg * ween’ & 3 ue “ ’ , r. Cannot changed his name r. Non Possumus a ve come « spanking pace, our nags’ reserve force | it more singular, why not Mr. Now Possum ? If these hints Prove that over a dnd te aes we boys know how to trundle. won't do, say Mr. Kanwr. *tasn’t light— —s Budget's tight, N.B.—No. 22 in the Royal Academy, by Frank Hott, R.A. , And the L. “é. B. ’s all right, representing “Sir AnpaEw CLark—‘or his equivalent,’ —4” Though a biggish bundle. that’s Hort about it.

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Mar 19, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. _—— EFFEUILLANT LA MARGUERITE. La France sings : — Petat by petal plucked have I, And yet I doubt, and yet I si at My fate—what is it? Shall Another ? AN IDYL MOMENT. THE LATEST SOCIETY SENSATION. Tae President of the British Artiste—if we may still be per- mitted to call him so—will find a formidable ae in his handsome countrywoman, who has just arrived from America, and who has already commenced her season in London. We allude to the talented ne Le Sivrtxvr,” or Lady Whistler id," Why sl | le lauuale not yet knighted. -y!” Of course Madame Ay her accom t “‘ pour les beaux yeux” of admirers, and therefore they will have ‘to pay for their whistle,”—and a very pretty and melodious whistle it is. Performances are nowadays of such poor overworked D Dramatic Crities might | been opt, as * Oh, dear ! what can the Matinée be!” This would. be a foot too long but then anything connected vith an afternoon represen na y be the reverse of too short. engaged in The Silent Shore a wes every rule; and had engaged in The Silent Shore ng since at the Olympic ~ BLOUNDELLE- Burton's “P’SHore ! ’’ — Mornin ment counts that Dear Mr. Ponca, to use any of Mrs. Bunwerrt’s lines from Fauntleroy, he isto be permitted has decided to be his own work. not brother Fonate y I eannot lose the whole of his labour. such a way thet it might be still suitable for represen not time to work out the whole drama, but present him with a sug- gestion for the Last Act. Scenze—The Condemned Cell at Teno, ” kasd Tesupaner “U discovered = Old Lord F. What do song that reminds me of hap with those present. ** Ugliest” Park. (Faints There! to Mr. SaenonM, Yours si Old Lord F. Be off with ** Ughest.”” Oh, don’t sa’ a arte hee adi the above ; but if there be, it must be altered. ALL OF A PIECE. I sxe b the law reports that although Mr. Szrsonm is not from her novel of Little Lord retain what Mr. Justice Straiine grandson | Pye eee boert | pe 5 ie, at me sing one a boy at Eton somewhere towards the iia ot Vibe ae hn (Song introduced—“ Jolly Nose.’’) ** Ugliest.” Oh, my darling my heart! I cannot bear it! Sheriffs of London (entering). Nor we either! Take him off to immediate execution ! ** Ugliest” (clinging to their knees in supplication). No! no! You shall Lan tear him from me! Old Lord F. Why not Ee beam, 5 om of ancient birth. Iam anobleman. I have ... patenet for —_ Fa kway with bint ! Down with ean die happy if can 1 Lord Fi ” Bride of attersea ye is any “‘ colourable imitation” in With kindest regards y; A Boom at Sz. A STITCH IN TIME, Mi... a view to calming the popular of rising, owing to Pthe Danger” scare, it is said that the have resolved on putting the ~ | their earliest convenience :— 1. Arming the Volunteer Artillery.—As neither apprehension now showing ai’ and’ Military Authorities Naval and schemes into execution at Sir Writs Armerrone nor the Ordnance Department at Woolwich, owing t the heavy arrears of work or ee at present in pose of supplying guns for Her Majesty’s stations, can tarn their attention to the manufacture of a he requirements of the force of ted to eg My enpat for suitable for t peed oe myoy Ny we it has been ‘actor in ensive organisation of muzzle-loading field-gun, the barrel of ep tee first consignment of the order will active service in this special department. sudden call being made upon them, they could hand for the and fh this impor- Pith eI ht otek el matey wth « e a six-inch iron gas-pipe. The Ph me se an enterprising firm of East-end sweaters, and | envalened that spells Dee | ‘ore the end of the year after next the be in the hands of the force for oe which it has been so f= designed. 2. Organising the First Line of Defence.—With a view to pro- viding a suitable force to act on any as a first line of coast defence, it —— been, determined to enrol all bath chair-

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Mar 19, 1888, | ity Here's the New Gallery, marble-ons! gold.n! Architect Ronson, to whom we’re beholden. Every arrangement made in the New Gallery Is in a style we'll call Carr-ish and Halléry. i) if 3 ey THE NEW GALLERY. ats Netide: | Y No Eating | 7a abe: Wy; OR mn Vanoery ATER TAINNERT a Rooms rather low, and sugg:stive of |He must get on swimming'y all through 4 the season. (chaira,— But the vestibule offers a shady retreat; | Here plays a fountain, and here there are ’Tis called an “ implucium”’—just what | Why not a band, hid away, playing airs’ you’d wish : {and fish : | Tis just the place for a lounge in July , Ona vy hot day, with tank, fountain, | Where you can rest with some green in So useful for morning, with brushes and | your eye, (think sponge. Which there will be, if you sit there and And comes the Infant to make its That a waiter will bring cigarettes and first plunge, cool drink. JONES, Carr-ied by Hatt and Cark. If you look, | Tapgma, Herxomer, Forp, and Buasz- The ’s one-hundred-and-seyen in | All the Committee, in various tones, _ | May to the Middlesex Magistrates go | Kewwepr'ssubject. We hope the ablution For leave and for licence,—the answer 1 Will suit the new Infant's untried con- ** No,” tion, At last they must yield—then Refresb- If he boldly strikes out, we foretell, and ment! Cigar! _ (Cane. with reason, We'll do it in style with our Triumphs!

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May 19, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ‘“THE REAL LITTLE LORD FAUNTLEROY.” (A Very Imaginary Conversation. With Apologies to Mrs. F. Hodgson Burnett.) ste ; t \ ALLA VA | un « 8 Ayp then the Duke looked up. | He nodded affably, because he knew it What Little GranpoLPH saw was a portly old man, with scanty | thing to do, even from young and clever white hair and bushy whiskers, and a nose like a florid bulb between he mentally used ma on “T hope his + prominent imperious eyes. Army—are all right,” he continued, with the utmost ‘What the Duke saw was a smart, small figure in a jaunty sui ‘very lad to see you here.” with a large collar, and with trim, accurately- ocks curv . to see me, are you ?” said the Duke. carefully about the curiously canine little face, w equally protu- “ Yes,” answered Lord Fauwrixnoy, “very.” berant eyes met his with 2 look of—well, perhaps the Duke would | ‘There was « chair at the head of the and he sat down on it ; have found it difficult exactly to define the character of that look, it was a big chair, and, physically, he pone kp but but it combined in an emphatic way the interrogative and the he seemed quite at his ease as he sat there, and a Monarch’s ironical, | august relative intently and confidently. _It was thought that Little Lord FaunTieroy was himself rather; “I’ve often wondered what a Commander- like a small copy of a grander and older original, and he himself was like when ing cross-examined,” he remarked. ‘‘1’ve wondered supposed to be well aware of the fact. But there was a sudden glow anything like my great ancestor of the Queen he irascible old Duke’s face as he saw what a sturdy, Anne epoch.” and how unhesi- al, eee oye “ * « ,” GRANDOLPH ‘I’ve only seen pictures of him, no shyness or | course, and I can’t cathy ay koe bo caitineee onan | similar case, but I don’t think you are much like him.” I’m a Duke’s son, you see,and| “You are disappointed, I suppose?” suggested his sugust about such things. I’m Lord Granpoirn | interlocutor. | “Ohno!” replied Grawpotrn, politely. ‘Of course you would

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240 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (May 19, 1888, like any great military contem to look like your own illustrious ancestor; but of ans Fo | might admire the way your great) military conte ~—j ed, even if he wasn’t like your illustrious | ancestor. You how it is yourself, about admiring your con- | temporaries.” The Duke stared. He could hardly be said to know how it was about admiring his contemporaries, many of whom he didn’t admire at all. and some of whom did not Shaner admire him. | “* Well, and how’s our bit of an Army getting on?” asked Lord | FaustTieroy, airily. “‘ Our—bit—of—an—Army?” repeated the Duke, in a scattered sort of way. “Yes,” explained Grawpoira, “ the bit of an Army we pay such a pile of money for?” hip. “‘ That’s it, isit? The money “Hal” ejaculated his Lords! isn’t spent as you like. You'd like to have the spending of it. What would you buy with it? I should like to —y ey that.” ** Doubtless,” replied Lord Faunrieror, coolly. ‘Some day you may. At present I’m asking questions, and your business is to answer them.” ** The D——1!” began the Duke, hotly. ** Quite so—the D——etails,” interjected Little Lord FacwtiEroy, blandly. ‘As you were doubtless about to say, the details are the things! All very well to say in a general sort of way that the Arm is going to—its usual destination, Duke; that Party Spirit an Financial Cheese-paring are the cause of it, and that more men and money are urgently required. That won’t do for me. I want to know—so does the Country—much more than that. How? Why? What? When? How many? much? These, my dear Duke, are;the pertinent questions to which we—the and I— demand precise answers. When denunciation and bi The sensations of his Royal i He was not an old hing he : breath away, and caused him some si emotions. had always seemed to him a most objectionable creature—imperti nent, parsimonious, and with inadequate conceptions of discipline. But this composed, precise, insolently interrogative little —- was a portent. The Duke’s martinet manner was quite p= om y this startling surprise. ** Well,” he began, “if we cannot get the Country to understand what is wanted, why then it is not our fault.” “Isn't it?” said Lord Faunrizroy. “And who are ‘we’? ** Whoever ‘we’ may be, be sure that when ‘ we’ aa — | and convincingly, with something like eqvomment, one fog fury, what y is wanted, the Country will be only too y to : understand,’ and to pay, for that matter. But when the Country, | paying heavily for an Army, is i emphasis, that it vy 4 one; and when, it is to do to get one, only intelligible ‘ Authorities’ agree is—pay more money, why, then, my dear Duke. the Country can’t understand that singular state of things, and smal! blame to it, I say. What do we want, and how much will it cost? These are the questi - wad them ss deck wd something satis actory mig - eleven men. ons. Well,” faltered the Duke, “ less be done with an additional “*Now, do you mean to tell me that the difference between ‘no Army’ and an adequate one, between frightful and com- fortable security, resolves itself, after all, into a question of eleven thousand extra men ?” asked little Lord FaunTiEnoyr. ** Why, n—o-—o0, not exactly,” replied the Duke. ’ “* Not exactly,” repeated Lord Fauntieror. Of course! Nothing ever is ‘exact’ in what the Authorities tell us; “and yet grumble at the Country for not ‘ understanding.’ StanHore says he never heard of any such want before. What we want, Ae says, is ‘improved organisation.’ Another nice 1 I doubt we do want it, and are likely to want it as resent. If there is one point you do agree it is the x more ae Wile zone Saas ae aa money might, with decent managemen wan’ hardly be in a hot hurry to relax apy clamour of conflicting Authorities. y a li emé required, say the ial optimists. The ioti put it very differently. A pleasant picture, indeed, paint. Nothing like enough men; sufficient barrack acoom- modation, even if we - — men oe ae = guns; no means su ones delay ; best ine-rifle invented i i moment yoovi with it; Army stores ‘mi ient ; single land-fortress with a modern breech-loading out to Volunteers obsolete, armaments of forts shell obsolete! There is the pessimists’ picture of our Army—to say nothing about the Navy, what there is of it. If half of it is true, be caused by chimne somebody ought to be impeached ; eh, my dear Duke ?” ties we have to deal with—the Country and the House of muttered the Duke. * Bat do you ‘do your best?’” asked Little Lord Fauwrizgoy. “* All we can accomplish is to do the best we can with the Authori. Commons,” |“ A physician doesn’t first grab a bouncing fee, and then turn th patient loose in adrug-shop. He gives a prescription! Where iy yours?” “ Way —% Lord WotsELzr 1 ge the Duke, “4: present Jouw Buit goes to considerable expense in i whom he considers experts to advise him as to t the PoP am 8 a but he never gets to know what the opinion of these experts really is when it has been given.” “Then couldn’t the experts get to det him know?” asked little Lord ye mane Ps. a all honesty way yy they agreed —supposing always that they can to a of tke eee call msmnene €6 ths Phenin, GO formulating a scheme, and fairly estimating its cost, that ‘the Defence of the Country’ would be better ad the endless charivari of conflicting counsels and all-round recrimi- nations which Jomw Butt finds it so hard to ‘‘ understand ” ? **Humph!” said the Duke, THE BRITISH OFFICER AT HOME, (A Page from @ Diary.) 8 a m.—Called by my servant. Glad to find that the window had not fallen in. Thought the fork would keep it together. 9 a.m.—Tub sunk into the floor, My my | of a servant put in more water than the boards could . 10 a.m.—Slight delay getting on a, L coming down an smashing half my furniture. 12, woow.—Back again. During my absence the ceiling has fallenin. Quarter- master does not see his way to ordering repairs. Thinks I shall have to pay bar- rack damages myself, as | had a bird-cage with a canary in it suspended from the ceiling. Says that that was enough to “bring the whole thing down with a run.” lpm. Just been to see my horse, ' Found the poor creature occupying a ; stable, as General NicHoLson would say, “not large enough for a donkey!” I don’t know what he would do if he didn’t keep his head out of a window! 2 p.m.—Rather annoyed to find that the paper of my quarters had peeled off, t to the dam 4, P.M.— Nearly Planks gave way to the banisters, they divided in half. 6 p.M.—Dressing for Mess, I was imprudent enough to lean against the wall pulling on my boots, and suddenly found myself in the next fellow’s quarters. Really these barracks are sadly out of repair! 12 Mrowtent.—Home from Mess. Looked out of window, found it rather windy. Under these circumstances I retire to rest, with an uneasy feeling that if it blows fairly hard, I may find myself under a heap of ruins before the morning. Coches my neck falling through the barrack stairs. and when I tried to save myself by holding on 3 : Someraine Lixe a Cemetery.— While General NicHoison was under examination last week by the H mons Select Committee to Inquire into the Army Estimates, Havetocx-A.iayw put to him the following oT Royal Barracks in Dublin in a very unsani tion ?” the Inspector-General of Fortifications ied, ‘* That question.” Upon this Lord Rawpotpa CHURCHILL 0 smiling, “* Not much of an open question to the officers who there.” Quite so—not an open question, but an open grave a, eff oF He aE ze rf ct A Nonrseaw Love.—In the Chantrey case Mr. Justice Noxts, giving his decision, quoted, 2 propos pture— “‘ The brass that seems to speak.” And it must have struck his Lordship how far more appropriste would be the application of this line to some of the eminent pras- titioners in the Law Courts. Ow a Recewr Trrat.— What rhymes to Heaptam? Isn't it Bedlam ? CH NOTICE.— Rejected Communicatioas or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will im mo case be returned, not even when there will be neo exception. by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper.

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Page 348

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Mar 19, 1888 _ OW ORL MD Sold by Grocers, Ironmongers, and General Dealers throughout the Country. If not obtainable near you, send 4d. in stamps for full-size Bar, free by post; or ls. for Three Bars, free by post (mentioning ‘‘ Punch ’’), to B. BROOKE & CO., 36 To 40, YORK ROAD, KINC’S CROSS, LONDON, i. note of he 0. Loraine im the Preciact w Wb teiriags, in Ohad Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Mesers, Beadbary, Ara+w, &Co., Lome of St. bride, City of Lom.on.—warvapas, May 19, isée. Fleet Street, in the PUBLISHED every SATURDAY.

Page 349

The New Work by the 3 BURGLAR BILL. ‘aio: of vice Vins’ &c., reprinted from“ Punch,” with an Illustration by L. SAMBOURNE. Price One Shilling. a

S&@@ >>~ XS \ \ HALA miming ft Hl if / “SON3d SS3YUHL B0IHG dla’ I) | Cc a “(= 2 £2.29) ee : — Duh bt YO! V1. 3 ’ io” S ‘ sO a me if, 8 , rae “= : ae ORNPETTE: ATIC: ~ t S = 6 oo ale = {8 Wg’ ui Ip (|e a“ te P iy “| Hi ee un | ~ 4 i Ss a VTA | SS! ; As A ~) ke hs ) Ny t { , + a9 <i I \ \4 at Ry =. Nu i), SG}. : KI yi RSQ AP gel a ar i | rN! hh Cy . : OT ay N } Wy ! 7 . \4 aT | 2 hy 5 , we , % 4 ee: i) 7 4) ' = ar - Pe < a7 EN See PUNCH OFFICK, 85, FLEET STREXT, RTE, SA) AND S0LD FRY ALL BOOKSELLERS * e/a B ‘ ~~ Wr 4 < a ‘ ~* len . ' WWONE SS val Na vt

a “A Pictorial wre | Mr. Punch’s Victorian Era. | 1% n’s Reign.” gti ao rat uaz | “lt would be difficult to find a more agreeable, or for the most part, a more 13/6 ea accurate and justly proportioned chitome of contemporary annals.”—GUARDIAN, Registered at the General Post Ufice as » Newspaper.,

Page 350

PUNCH, OR THE

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Patnow— HIS MAJESTY the ve of ITALY. Hon. Paeswpsus— Mv Royal H a CROWN PRINCE f ITALY, Diaecton Gemernat: JOHN R. WHITLEY, Faq Paxsipert or rue bwovien ee Comm irre Colonel J. T. NORT Paesipsrt oF THE ~~: pe or Com xract Cc . BONACINA. The First Exclusively Italian Fxhibition bed beyond the boundaries o! the Peninsua THE MOST VALUABLE AND VARIED 0" LEB TION OF ITALIAN SCULPTURE A” PAINTINGS EViR EXHIBITED. MAGNIFICENT AND UNIQUE + iar ? ITALIAN INDUsTRI: The Hurting Tent, &c., of the late King of !t'y THE ITALIAN EXHIBITIU SCENES or ITALY, ROME IN NDON Roman Market Place, Colosseum and Palace of the Cesars Vesuvius, Bay of Napies. ond Italian Fleet Borghere Gardens. Tuscan Farm lowe Capri Hlue Grotto. Temple of Vesta. Italian Government Nava! Exhibis Venetixn Lace Makers Alpine Switechbeck Railway. Venetian Iluminations. Italian Kestaurant and National Dishes

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Page 351

HERCHE )DERATE IBITION §-COURT, ul i. 4q om Comm ites “or Com aract nibition hed eninsula 'ARIED 01 sPTURE AND ED, DISPLAY @ 8. King of !t'y IBITION [BITIOS ye & billing. » be made eretary Jeason Ticket ee Me IBIi105 al te )LISH. “Mar 26, 1888, PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 241 ——— ES ee —— a TABLEAU I.—Rerxo Wot-sn-11 at a banquet attacks the Giant Sa-Rum in the latter’s absence. TABLEAU II.—Giant Sa-Rum denounces Wot-ssz-11 in the U -ous, when WoL-8-LI is away. TABLEAU IlI.—Rerxo Wot-sz-11 confronts Giant Sa-nvum in the presence of The Kom-manparin-Curer, Lords, and Spiritual Peeris. OUR JAPANNERIES. No. 1. After the style of the Story of Reiko in the Japanese Collection in the British Museum ; designed and happily dispatched by the celebrated Japanese Artist, Lika Joxo (specially engaged by Mr. 7 Punch), who is now on a visit to this country. TABLEAU IV.—Kom-manpantw-Cuisr intervenes. The ceremony of Hands-Sha-Kin is performed all round. Kom ~-MANDARIN - Curer congratulates everyone on “ The agreeable manner in which this incident has ended,”’ and he, Giant Sa-num, and Rerxo Wot-ss-11 dine together happily. — DIARY OF A NOBODY.* My dear wife Canute and I have just been a week in our new house, “The Laurels,” Brickfield Terrace, Holloway—a nice six- pe my Bee Le yg RY BF parlour, We have 4 little front gatden, and there is @ flight of ten steps up to the front door; whieh, by the bye, we keep locked with chain up. intima’ always come fo the little trouble of going up to the work. We have a nice little railway. Wi afraid bat the landlord said we should not notice them after a bit, and took £2 off the rent. He was certainly right, and beyond the cracking of the wall at the bottom, we have suffered no inconvenience. my work in the City, I like to be at home. What’s the good of a if you are never in it. ‘‘ Home, Sweet Home ”— that’s my motto. I am always in of an evening. Qar old friend Gowmxe may ask us to drop in sans cérémonie; so may Cum- mines, who lives F greene My dear wife Canorine and I are pleased to see them if they like to inonus. But Camere and I can manage to pass our evenings without friends, There is tlways something to be done. A tin-tack here, a Venetian blind to Ee een S Se. to nell wp, of past of 0 to nail down—all of with my pi my mouth ; while Caznix is not above a button on a shi a -ease, or practising ’s Prayer e Piano {on the three small lett 't stay, saying pril 4 — still calling, Cannre being out, I arranged to deal with Braxs, who seemed a civil Butcher with a nice clean thop. Ordered a shoulder of mutton for to-morrow fo give him a * As everybody who is is publishing Remini . Diari ewe Autobiogrsphiee, and Hees ai we a | Rem in pretetel to wh Peace ; for permitting us toadd to the historic collection.— Ep. trial. Cannre arranged with Doxszt, the Butterman, and ordered a pound of fresh butter, and a pound and a half of salt ditto, for kitchen, and a shilling’s worth of eggs. In the paerpededly doo in to show me a in a raffle in the ¢ Meche Sided Eo y, as it would spoil the colouring if the hand was moist. He said he wouldn’t stay, as he didn’t care much for the smell of the paint, and fell over the scraper as he went out. Must the # removed, or else I shall get into a scrape, 1 don’t saalce folcess April 5.—Two legs of mutton arrived, Cannre having arranged the| with another butcher without mé, Gowrne called, and emoved fell over coming in. Must get scraper r - April 6.—Egegs for breakfast sim Lig rene ; #ent them back to Dorset with my compliments, call any for orders. Couldn’t find umbrella, and though it was pou with rain, nad to go without it. Saran said Mr. Gowrna must have took it by mistake last night, as there was a stick in the All that didn’t belong to nobody. Im the evening, he someone talking in a loud voice to the servant in the downstairs Hall, went ont to see who it was, and was surprised to find it was Dorsxt, the butterman, who was both drunk and offensive, Doxszt, on seeing me, said, ‘‘ would be hanged if he would ever serve Ch ome vents Rg he yn restra y remar thoug was possible te a Gentleman.” He replied, ** He was wanted to know whether I had He left the ho slammip the fan-light, I heard hi feel glad I hadn’t removed it. spa answer I ought to have Meal Te Botue Satatday, I ee y, and putting a few things straight ; oflee were absent through illness. and I di Found Doxussr waiting. He apologise for his conduct last night. Bank Holiday last Monday, and took it begged me to accept his apology, and a pound of seems, after all, a decent sort of fellow, so 1 gave bim some fresh eggs. VOL. XCTV, b 4

Page 352

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Olean ated at ges" wy e a OE Aa oo ——. * RETRENCHMENT.” First Coster (in Trap). ‘‘ WE SHALL SEE You AN’ THE Missvs at Ersom as vsvat, Brit” Second Ditto, “‘No; tas Towgs arm'r PERPITIOUS, "ARRY.” (Shaking his head.) “‘No. Wi’ Goscuew A REDOOCIN’ THE OLD Woman's Marniacr SETTLEMENT, Axp Brr o' Monzgy 1x Consois, AN’ THE EXTRYS ON CaAMPAGNE,—NOT TO SAY AS THE Moxs MIGHT ARTERWARDS BE CHARGED AS A PLEasvURE-’Onsz,—AN’ THE WHEEL-TaxX, AN’ ONE THING AN’ ANOTHER—IT DON'T RUN TO IT, Retires ' Bat all allowed that now at last « crisis we were nearing, And some for “‘ extry-specials’’ went, end come for volunteering, fesse souniiy Veet the Soldier bold, for iat poe rol pe as—not as Punch—to ye st at England’s Only others didn’t care a fig about If they could hurt a Government Sent Lennened be ory. ae, | hooray ! when Greek met Greek they showed how scandal’s ie, For Sanimoay vows ’twould break his heart to lose his gallant LSELEY And hatchets fouled with party strife we all at duty’s calls bury, And Wotsexey never said a word disparaging to SALIsBuRY. A BALLAD OF A LATE OCCURRENCE. To the Tune of '' The Spanish Armada.” s A New Discovery sy Mars, R.—** Well,” said the good lady a friend, | ane eae, Say Sas, you ‘ll mt ty that till the other morning Er. ined reflections si Upon all sorts of Governments and every kind of Minister. The things he said are often heard quite calmly by the nation, our a0 0 Sate Bae Caras pod re pee 5 po o— at now the Dasly Telegr ex: him Ranger every y, And told the world, in langeat type, the country was in danger. mien! pt} AY A ’ rom , should the ex-equator Though Worsecer can’t bear politics, each sentence had a stab ia it, pet pare aashew; bet’ I'm And Sassmaset, whe af aaa f= 4 ~~ +a oy he oat think publie a pid ea of a Consul heviag an ex-equator Was hurt that he had not m first apprised ot van seit and then being angry because they wouldn’t give it to him Why, it’s likea child erying for the moon ! ° * We have referred to the paper of that date. A very natural mistake, # the word was “ exeguatur.”"—Ep. Inthe St. James's Gazette the review of pictus headed “ A Fire- side Commentary,” is not, as the title might imply, by Mr. Foxx.

Page 353

May 26, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 243 A LADY-IN-WAITING. “The death is announced of Miss Fray, well-known frequenter of the Law Courts.”"—Daily Paper. Sux was no Portia ina : Her mind was Yetshe frequen Why ?—gentle Usher, Did she, like Worpsworrn's iS Serge “len her” luncheon there ? What Court preferred she? P’raps Miss Y Was ientetly indinet, And found the last of all the Barons A Baron to her mind. Twas carrying coals to Newcastie To take a Fray to where There are already quite enough, And many more to spare. The vision of a Female Bar Fair pleaders oft consoles ; Did she a glorious time foresee As Mistress of the Rolls? The Usher replies :— Oh. not as a mere back-Bencher, To Court she daily hied ; But while the J tried suits, She oft the Judges tried. She’ll haunt it just the same! etry Tor Dasne 4 “Gibus,” or Spring Hat. that goes up with a Spring, tra la! ENGLAND’S “INVISIBLE ARMADA.” ‘Tax Barrish Fuser I Cannot Sex, Becaves,” &o., &c. ‘* The Critic.” Lord Charles Beresford's Latest Edition. PROPOSITIONS AND RIDERS. ears i if. res te | SsPaleeBiFFisec - e \ 8? MERRY LONDON ! “You think unless have some fresh excitement you willdie?” “Tam sure of it. I have so accustomed to a whirl of the most delirious am unless I have some new pleasure ow a ild mirth is my second nature.” The Editor looked upon his Contributor regretfully. He felt that to some extent it was his fault that his faithful follower had become so wedded to these delicious but jading delights. “You were t last week at the Festival Di of the Home for Incurables in the Conservatory attached to the Albert Hall?” he mah, was T mot?” cried the contributor, in of con’ an ecstasy oy. all the ughta, the several Nght the soul- e of the Duke of Campriper (who was defying influenza cover of Japanese screens), and the music of the Guards’ which was loud enough to blow the roof off! And the dinner—what a dinner! And the company—whata company!” “And there was singing too?” “I should rather think there was! On cong, tom number of bed ‘d in life’ of evening to compare with the following “Indeed I had! aftern of being present at a Matinée oon, when I had the advan’ ot The Real Little Lord Fauntleroy.” ** Was it well dramatised ?” ** Admirably, by the Authoress of the Novel. I cried the whole time! It was so affecting! Miss Emzny, as “ ” admirable, and Mr. Atyaxp Brisnor, as the Earl, beyond all praise. Then Mr. Cuevatier as the Butterman, and wy ye — as the distracted fapy te other sharnoter real oth and Bae Swagga Gas.” * You must have had a most enjoyable afternoon /”’ and the very next oy! went to the pieoe called Deputy.’ for new and original play in four Acts. and he read this note on the of the First Scene be cannot be understood.” ** Four Acts, and not a jot less!” he cried. And then he fainte! away for sheer joy.

Page 354

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL OPERATIC NOTES. Monday 14.—Avevervs Davriotanvs his ¢ Season with a real novelty. There was a bust 7 Qremten the stage, and a bust of applause E National Hymn in honour of the National Her, and then we sat down to listen to Dowmzerri's Lucrezia Borgia. For my part—a very smal] one in the Opera—I may say I am never tired of Lucresia. couple to play the great poison scene without i into the fine old and very mellow-dramatic style of of the Victorian Theayter, which the burlesquers of a ago—I mean Gi_eert A Becxert, ALpert Surru, and the Baovens | for example—scotched, and which H. J. Brno, and later burlesque writers, killed. So there are uses even in burlesque. Tue 15.—There could not be a stronger contrast in appear- ance es Madame Noxprea, as Goutk and Miss McIntyre as Michaela. | admirably, and her shortcom- simplicity, and er graceful awk ward- “ Not for José.” : a ' of the story, laying and singing the like the genuine artiste she is. “ TIENN® DE KEIMS, as José the seldier, was excellent as far as the acting went—about the most dramatic José I’ve seen—but in singing he was what any silly lover of Carmen would naturally be, *‘ a little flat.” With the iio of Signor Det Puente | was, like the Zoréador himself, quite “ contento.” The encores, which weren't taken, the bouquets that were, and the applause on all hands quite recalled the “palmy” days of Covent Garden Opera. In those palmy days the palms were the applause was not so real as now, w kid ”’ about it. The Opera Season so far starts well, and Miss McInrrre has made a decided hit. ite- gloved ; perh there is * very little ee 17.—Vervr's Traviata. Favourable verdict on VEnp1 emphasised and Anglo-Italicised. opera has never been so per- fectly placed on the s To-night, under the personal s in- tendence of Avevustvs DrvRioLanus principals and distes Yanhod thoroughly Harris’d, but not im the least distressed. Miss Era Russet, as Violette, the suffering soprano, was charming, and physiologically looked anything but consumptive ; but she was, and trequently I felt inclined to hand her up a box of cough instead of a bouquet. Once in the course of the evening, her chair, overcome by the weight of woe, gave way, and poor Violetta was more upset ever. EGGER conducted himself and the orchestra most properly, M. D’Aworaps was old daddy Germont, melodious bat prosy ; RAVELLI was Germont junior, dear little 4ifredo, the tender tenor. The opera went off with great éclat—a fact due, among other causes, to the amount of — used in the piece. The supper scene was superb. rama could no farther go, for there was real supper, supper-numeraries were really eating ; and the ‘‘ cham” itself, which was real, and which ing. No doubt it was Pommery ’74—not i had it, for Aveustcs Davatotanvs doesn’ when he goes in for it, and Organising Committee who from the audience. veryone sang the | | Mr. Sammon, who is the habel pomgeng Gy 7 e ee Ly was a sailing along close to City of Denmark when it Perhaps the Organising ing Committee were among the chorus occasion. Lucky dogs! On the nights that the P i we a . = 2 Z ‘ Bae ' s " Wanrep. — Several strong Muscular Musicians in Orchestra, to assist in handing up the gigantic burden of Flowery Tributes to Prime Donne. and the Princesses of Waxes have been present the Royal Party set a notable example of punctuality which was followed at a very respectful distance by rank and fashion, which still consider it the correct thing to arrive as late as possible. Why? Saturday, 19.—Brilliant house, crowded. Brilliant stage too, Everybody brilliant, except M. Denermms as Faust. Anant the great attraction, in magnificent voice, looked sweet, took encore for ** Jewel Song” and all the bouquets. Signor Navara made a sub- stantial Mephistopheles, to whom a course of Turkish baths might be of considerable service. Not difficult for Mephistopheles to get such a thing. To epigrammatically describe h en in thi -| costume, I should say he was ‘‘rough and reddy.” End of first week, the successes having been Mdmes. ALBANI, Nornptca, TREBELLI, Miss McIwrrne, and Mise-en-scéne. Delighted with hit made by the puir Scotch lassie in Italian Opera, as I sign myself yet CARONI, THE HANGLODANNISH XHIBISHUN. Wrrs that usual good luck as allers atends the owdacious, I has got ing at the Hanglodannish Xhibishun in my hold capassity, and, as | fondly hopes, with the same sattisfactery results all round. I was of coarse at both of the hopeni for what I says is, ‘‘ When you gets a hopening, make the most of it,” an I did so, and allwiss shall do so, and ave done so. Who hever heard of Mr. Sammorw till about a munth ago, and who won’t have heard of him in about another week? It appears that a The Inkurabels (a nobel suddenly struck him that as they was much in want of a lot of money for the nobel hinstitution afoursaid, what a grand idear it wood be to hinjaice sum of the poor but most clean looking on as he was a passing by in his ship, to cum over to hold England and bring their tidy cottages with ‘em, jest to show us what a nice set they was where our Princess of WHALES came from. , He had plenty of time to think hout his nobel idea while he was a tumbling about in the Danish Sea, and wy he eum home he set to work and, with the abel asistance of heverybody nose, we now sees the grand . hinteresting site itis. Ah, if all our own pore En L Labourers had such nice neat and clean cottages to live appy lot woud there’s be! . A ut of course that ain’t the only site for to see, Why there’s s spessimen of they travels up and down their snowy mountains in that partickler cold coun p to at. Up hill.and down dale didn’t see one single sole tumbel off. And then they over with ’em a sample of their sno mountings themsel like life, and which was so jolly reel on nite : hopening that it quite akounnted not ‘‘for the milk in the K +} as the sayin is, but for the air outside wi an I could have wisht it warmer. I’ve got more in my nex.

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BEBPSE - a SAB eA BrSSS oe SaaS HE May 26, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. —_s.— HAPPY THOUCHT BY OUR SMALL AND EARLY IMPRESSIONIST. Ve IK ot ae To Drude tp Wheil Dex bsee tho Sashililielibttie tent Sis Top, THE BEAK AND THE BOARD. “ Me. Mowracu Wri11aMs said he had made an invariable rule while he was at Woolwich never to have these School Board commitments enforced without his sanction. Half the time the poor creatures were oe and he would not have their homes sold over their heads if he could help it. His instructions in future to the warrant-officers of this Court were, that he should be consulted before any distress-warrant was put in force.’’— News. Wuewn the nd oppressed a true would seek, They ind the i t man in the brave W Beak, of Boards will not blench. Bench ! . Ww; m stamp up the tin, Or—but here Mr. Mowracu Writims steps in, In the resolute fashion _ which he is famed, And Justice this time is rd how shamed. THE BOYS AND THE BENCH. ResPECTISSIME Eocren thems tempora vidi in tuis excellen- tibus columnis epistolas de Tommio, Etonensi puero. Hee circum- sontie C meum excusum hype et = i. ——_ = seribere ad te e subj pugnarum inter pueros ad xceusa errores in meo Latino, quia seribo hoc sub ewes, id est, quum noster Meister nom habet suum ooulum su - -_ , a icinus puer (quem pugnabam duos dies ante hoc, et qui tonans bonus socius, quamquam dedit mihi sanguinolentum nasum, et bungavit ambo meos pa juvat me cum verbo quum sum in dubitatione. Twig Bene, nullum "ietinn ‘ vidisti vere nobiles sentimentes Ma- gistri Pacer, alio die (proximum ad unam mensem transitam,—ut ae nee es Policitam Carian. 1 n. Dixit ad . qui lixera ag 2 A aes ui pugnabant, ut est propria mee et virilis Core suas disputationes in hoc a. > olliter rf dicere, mulctavit potegrges decem itate. Pacer pro semper! non pugnamus ro mm febess bata sumus | Saaane, ; sane amem Al Habere duellos cum ensibus vel pistolis? Mala forma, ilind! In illo casu, “‘ fangar vice funki” (quotatio de Latino Grammario). _,Debeo cessare, quia fit cereus, et non sum certus ut ille| hon maculavit me, Sum beiensis, et nos omnes veneramus Towmrom Browsum, qui, ARNOLDO, pugnabat cum -— MANNO, bullio, olim, in quieto loco juxta murum Capelli. saad men pagne prehendit foam, of ram joliter sdmitto, sed nune non euro. sol dna, at Paoxr et trampus, @ homo OUR ADVERTISERS. Sweatine System OLoTmine MANUFACTURERS AND OTHERS, fh HAPPY DUCHESS JACKET. HE HAPPY DUCHESS JACKET. —This emale attire, though HM tree © HAPPY DUCHESS JACKET MI the the starving Needlewoman at r = BAPE | JACKET comes fresh from the fever- ipa HAPPY Di ee en is toiled at through mag ond weary hours, from sunrise to midnight, im the Sweater’s den. ae HAPPY mle ve JACKET is stitched with the sighs of blank and hopeless despair. a5 HAPPY DUCHESS JACKET is trimmed with indescribable uman . HE HAPPY DUCHESS JACKET is fashioned amidst the agonies of appalling domestic privation. \HE HAPPY DUCHESS JACKET is finished under the strain- ing of tear-blinded eyes. rae Harey DUCHESS JACKET is brought & completed by ogers which process 0 1 making, been worked to the bone. — Ti HAPPY DUCHESS JACKET is th is the qtente of that irmly pen on which working existing economic suablce the Sweater Sweater comfortably to fatten. P\HE HAPPY a Eas JACKET might cause the thoughtful wearer acquainted with the history of its manufacture to shudder. HE HAPPY DUCHESS JACKET is still, however, displayed in the windows of fashionable West Te pas Re disp owing to attract a 7 ya |g ome mene! the 1 —— ws original cost is or “money, i mus mae em Pa By a z es Si si CHURCHYARD OVERCOAT. HE ‘CHURCHYARD OVERCOAT. — This stylish Novelty owing, oS does, its attractive and te title to is & that the grinding and miserable gem tails starvation, premature Lf -. of the uleaably struggling wretches who are engaged in the work, is now being ~— by ent — to well-known West-End Tailoring Emporiums, in large quantities. THE CHURCHYARD OVERCOAT ma oy largely b dashing City Clerk, who, solely anxious to obtain a Showy callous alike as to its origin Article at a cheap figure, is antecedents. Shee CHURCHYARD OVERCOAT is occasionally purchased by the totally unsuspecting Member of Parliament. fhe CHURCHYARD OVERCOAT has even been supplied by his highly respectable West-End tailor to the quite unconscious Peer, who has worn it y in the Upper House of the Legislat ure. HE CHURCHYARD ip cn is at the East-End, in the midst viding the usual middlemen with hf © the starvation price that is pe Be ie tee to the trade at a figure that will do a highly lucrative business, 1» -- CHURCHYARD OVERCOAT. —Norice.—The Master Sweater, who offers the above-named unique Novelty, is to mony the trade with The Coffin Trouser, and the Undertaker Suit, manufactured on the same system. AST-END ELYSIUM. a" er i Slave gg srt Ma po greedy for litle extra, profit, wishes Send Ontensie, cxl AX Lt, eo oy oder 4G xt. * day of 19 hours, at a wage of five- | Schola- Domus, Id, Apr. and cinpense 6 week.

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(May 26, 1888, | | PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

THE LATEST NOVELTY IN PETS. “Ter, ug, Lavra, wHo’s THAT BEAUTIFUL LADY WALKING WITH YouNG Paince Pav or Grerotetzint Some Gaawp Ducuzss, | surposx, rnom THe HomMAGE THEY'RE ALL PAYING TO HER!” Fair Enthusiast. ‘On wo! 1r’s Miss Conpgetia P. Vaw Scromr, toe American Sirrievse. Sas waisties ‘He's ALL Ricat wasn you Kyow sim, pur rou'vs cor Tro Kwow Him rust!’ Quirk DIVi#BELY—WITH FOURTEEN ORIGINAL VARIATIONS, Og, YOU SHOULD #£4R HER, Uncie Josern!” Uncle Joseph (just home from India

Storm-clouds are gathered round, And from earth’s est bound Break nie and a sound Of wild winds wailing. Foes muster, whom to face — must ~~ ramparts face, Watcehfal, unfailing. What is this wreck around Cumbering the littered ground ? Blades broken, mail unsound, Sea-hulks unready ! Thus do her servants wait On her im state ? Shall she be found, though great, Faint and unready ? estinies, — Shall she, though unafraid, Plaints of the Parties ! bay patrict seal arrayed, These hears she, oft has heard, By her own sons betray Nerves still and pulse unstirred. At ’vantage taken, Croaks of that boding bird, Be, at the time of test, Love-armed, with eyes alight, England’ in gad celle , ngland’s Hearts at delay wax hot ; But, while we ’ve hearts, she’ s not All ** Unprotected.” “THE UNPROTECTED FEMALE”! Queen of the Sea! She stands, Calm front, and clenchéd hands Knit on that best of brands, Whil Tm aes ils murky air Thickening her there Break sounds of Party =m,

Tae Sunday Times, which is going ahead (with a Hatror) now gives most useful hints as to how to spend the day well, beginning with church and g with recreation. Railway time-tables, where to go, and how to go it, all there for the benefit of the Cheerful Sunday Observance Society. Prosit. ‘* Good Old Sunday Times!” Tue Bacontan Toeory.—Did Bacon write The Merchant of Venice. The natural anti- Hebraic spirit which the very name of Bacoy suggests affords aclue. Be this as it may, its author must have ” heart nor charm Force from her potent arm, Breed not a base — Causeless and craven. Yet round her path arise Portents and prodigies, Which wise and watchfal + Calm th ort mark oats large m thoug " Stout must be steel targe Of her who hath in charge So rare a treasure.

best, shamed and shaken ? Shame, unexampled shame, Shall ae ¢ the Warder's name Who risks power anc lame, if only to corre- Careless watch keeping ; a | with the outside, whieh is brilliantly red. Letting oe eemene s rust, Trailing her flag in dust, ART URRY. —Mrs. Ramssornam admires Whilst past the ward we trust Mr. lee = Tapa ’s pictures immensely: foes are creeping | She sappennoen hs name **Allmar Todaymsr, Wake! Watch! But as for fright P— and Wishes to know if he is still a foreigner, Nay! Stands she day and night. or a neutralised Englishman |_ Tue First Number of Mr. Hanny Quam i) | Universal Review is just out. We have not | yet had time to open it, but the inside ought to be brilliantly written,

———

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Mar 26, 1888,

ass } 2 ‘* aN < LN \ we | “THE UNPROTECTED FEMALE”!

Page 358

Page 359

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL Mar 26, 1888.) aoa e a ae oS 7 PVM me TYPICAL MODERN DEVELOPMENTS. DRAGOON AND CURATE. IN THE NAME OF ENGLAND—GUNS AND MEN! ScenE— Downing oo Time—First Meeting of the Inner Cabinet. uBsect— National Defence. Premier, Well, my friends, I really think we are getting on! Did you wee the [lustrious Duke woke them up at Li 1 the other evening ? ‘ar Secretary. Splendid! His Royal Highness is becoming quite an orator. By the way, how would it do to buy that land on Wimbledon iiosmen behind the butts, and utilise it for a fortress, say in defence of Manchester ? First Lord of Treasury. E ve work, I am afraid, but still it would be nice to keep the National Rifle Association in its old home. But you said Jou were getting on nicely, as how ? . - Premier. Well, I think we have all but wale ag ee that a msgazine-rifle is absolutely necessary for the troops, eh War Secretary (hesitating). Yes, I think so. I am afraid, however, we tre coming to a conclusion rather hurriedly. You must remember not one of us began to consider the matter seriously until about six years ago. . Premier (with some show of decision), Ah, I really think we must take it &s settled. You see we have reac a cri And now, assuming that we are to have the magazine-rifle, how long will it take to arm our Regular Forces and Volunteers with it ? War Secretary. At our present rate of manufacture ?—I think I may sume that we cannot increase on our present speed of production, eh ? Premier, Certainly; oh, certainly. ? War Secretary. Well, then, at our present rate of manufacture, we ought tobe able to let most of the Regular Army, a part of the Militia, and some of our Volunteers, have the magazine-rifle by the end of three years. ; gover. Come, thas to very setietastery—very outs , indeed. It is rather a pity that so many of our big shi be floating helplessly abou because we can give them no guns. I suppose some day we ought reall % consider seriously how to get horses for our cavalry. But, thin consideration, £ into i meanwhile foreign com it mech entistactory, and xil we have to 40 in the along quietly and —~ and, if possible, keep out of tuddenly Be aeah What is satisfactory, my Lord ? a . is , my feload, the Boonitaey for Wer, ts atiofod that we ont ior War, is sa at we can magazine-rifles manufactured by the end of three *, at any rate, by the end of five years. my get years ; Mr. ot os ooo . Five years! it to give the new weapon, War . Oh, we are doing very q number of recruits have recently joined there are not likely to be more than the customary per- centage of deserters. The Volunteers, too, are about the same as usual, thank you. Mr. Punch. The same as usual! Un manned! And yet there is any amount ma read ee meee B yee know where to seek for i Think of our cricket clubs, our football teams, our cyclists Send the recruiting-sergeants amongst and let be . hunt produce CHANNEL BRIDGE TALK. From the Conversation Book of the distant Future. Ir quite me to hear that a second-class ticket across the bri ‘ Deas sins oven a Ses date fo Ge Company hte © pay the original 12 per cen ture-holders one cent. perannum on the Forty-Nine Millions sterling they have sunk in the undertaking ? I almost wish I had determined to cross from Dover to Calais in the halfpenny boat. é Certainly the wind is very strong at this elevation above the surface of the sea. t y | Channel, off. tly hoped that this repe will not break before I get to the bottom Thank Goodness, I am safe on shore once again, and am well off the Channel B

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL “AnmEaYOoOYy TTVYAO"U 26s «<“AQINNOWOOSO LY SLIVELEOG SBISME ONIMEAIANESENT YF ONY Niv id ,,

ONE A willl Wis! i * Neb drews #7) : 1Z | 4) . “ i i} NA Sy eo a Al aU. ow 4 R\\ \ \¥ * \ ia \ \\ \ pA i", ie / aa me ii!

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i 2 WAN 9

PLAIN AND COLOURED.?’’

Tuxim PomrrmattTs ar THE Rovat AcADEMY.

PourrrcaAn Onrorrats INTERVIEWING

Mar 26, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 251

TaN + a \" pg to-night’s speech. dinner he had en of English * depri the | Naturally resolve ves poetic $ manly honest w was once their o ” and as being “ Mr. Deputy Speakawh, ~ nenced by s low and vicious standard of morality,” had not | The hon. and ed Membawh meart anythi offensive to present Government. Refer- taken o——- of the poating of this lettawh enee, in ra meant to be complimentary. As to what he bad eee ee com — ” be. ; i : 3 E F ; F . H began to titter. Deputy-Speakawh qe laughed at mon, Solicitor-General for Ireland delivered striking ond learned Membawh. By time fifth line in poem was

Page 362

252 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Mar 26, 1888, Solicitor- General, red as turkey- ik, said, * not offence get Government out of this fresh hole, dug Magistrate. Said Magistrate had simply ‘ r intelligible to the Spzaxer.” Haxcovunt quickly oo and made most of it. Has an accumulated debt sgainst Covrtyry urred thi of putting it. “ in Plan of Campaign,” id, not Lacve te eat yg put inp as entlaneenr Paid him off now. The Under Secre popular language likely to be in offered to the House of the comprehension of the Deputy Speaker.” Courter squirmed, but could say nothing of Haxcovrr’s tone, or intention of his gestures. order. Covuntwey accordingly could only smile, and Deputy Speakawh. usiness done. — Ki Heweace’s Amendment, o tenant and Chief- of 374; dangerously narrow tqueak. Tuesday Night.—Closure reached its climax. Climbed up pretty well when Joszrn GrL1s at critical moment shut up Old Morality. To-night Sage of Queen Anne’s Gate closured BrapLaven. Junior Member for Northam rising to continue debate on Motion giving precedence to Imperial Defence Bill ; Senior Member for Northampton moved question now put. Put it was, and BrapLaven peremp- torily shut up. ness since sprung up between these eminent statesmen which may have important effects on history of England. Sitting sharply divided inte two epochs. First with crowded benches, animated speeches, resounding cheers and counter-cheers, discussed order of business with special reference to King-Harman Relief Bill. Epoch second: empty benches; Old Morality on his legs ; dead a — only by of yawns. Subject under ng salary discussion, Im ences, and expenditure of Three Millions and a Half sterling. House doesn't do this sort of thing by halves. Makes no pretence of preference for business as ever fireworks over and work began, benches cleared. House so empty that, whilst Paice was discus- sing proposals for convoying merchant fleets in time of war, H counted out. Depressing effect upon Bossy Spzn- cer. Bonsy’s gay young life been changed by iron of fate. Went to bed one night a frivolous flutterer around the Parlia mentary flower - garden ; awoke next morning a serious politician. Duke of West- minster didit. Asked Bossy to dinner on a Wednesday. Bossy occupied Tuesday in dining at Eighty Club with Panne. Hearing this, Dake formally withdraws invita- tion. The babbling current of Bopsr'’s life changed. Thinks of lowering his collar and growing a beard. Has ll a abandoned pretty trick of turning up his —- ; sers over spotless patent “47 leather boots, and has bought GZ, an umbrella suited to changed circumstances. “All very well,” he says, A Serious Politician. “in days o py poate, whee I was what J maz coll op Sesespenstble Butterfly. Now, when it has become a ques of State where I dine, and ducal dovecotes are flattered at sound of the fellow guest, must behave as such.” Pity the Duke took it that way. Was always such a pleasant thing to have Bossy buzzing around, convoying his noble brother about the House, standing him a bun and a of sherry at the bar, keeping Giapstows well informed on current of public opinion, and with all the cares of a division sitting lightly on his young shoulders. As Harcouat says, ‘One must needs be a Duke Business done.—In Co hilarious he to by irrepressible resident adopted popular lanruars who, as Deputy Speaker, has more than once called him to order. “Sir,” he said, turning to Covrtwer, “this is a pretty defence. for India says that letter was couched in igible to you. This insult is mons in order to meet the feebleness of . No mistaking triumph But et smile, and be a -Harman Relief Bill in Committee. i on revenues of Lord-Lieu- rejected by majority of eight in House Wednesday.—Met Joszrn Gritis leaving House early. gazed angrily round ; é Says House, wondering what was the meaning of this unseemly woh. | he’s going to dine to-night at house dinner, National Liberal Club, Debate incidentally furnished Haxcovat with opportunity for Going home to dress. Bought an orchid to wear in button-hol paying off old scores. Question of privilege arose on letter from | Doesn’t see why CaAmseRtary should have resident Magistrate announcing Joun Ditton’s conviction “‘for| all the good things. Lord Sprincer, K.G., teking part in the Plan of Campaign.” Tim Heaty dem to| to be in the Chair; Tay Pay in Vice-Chair “What a happy combination!” I said. ** Suppose it ’s arranged to do special honour to ye 5 @ extn “No,” said Joserpn GILLIS, gen t firmly, opening orchid with his Per ** Fact is, some talk of National Liberal Club being hard up. So they invited Srzn- cea to preside, with Tay Pay in Vice-Chair, to show they can make both ends meet.” Business done.—Jessx Copiises—Cop- Lives the friend of the Agricultural Labourer not GLapstowE—moved Reading of Small Holdings Bill. Conservatives much interested in Bill; discussed it so earnestly that Mouwnrz talked it out. Thursday.—Covuntwey’s early training stands him in good stead. (Not generally nee ling Pommgy FF rought up for s er i Romeo.) His great feat of quick changing already noted. Now, in absence of Speaker, doubles his part every night. Takes the Chair when the House meets; sits there through questions; when House gets into Committee, steps down to plave at table, and officiates as Chairman of Committees. ‘ Great hit of the evening is, when, as Chairman of Committees, he reports pro- Talked it out. gress to himself as Deputy Chairman. Usual thing, when _pro- i reported, for SpzaxER to be brought in. Takes the Chair. hairman of Committees stands at his right hand, and —— . In doubling part, Courtwer has first to get himself in Chair as Deputy Chairman, and then, standing at his own right hand as Chairman of Committees, report progress. How it is done secret, like his famous feat of changing his dress behind Speaker’s chair. But ’tis well done, and quickly. Since Dr. Blimber’s eldest pupil used to write letters addressed to ‘‘P. Toots, Esq., Brighton, Sussex,” nothing been seen like Courtyxy reporting progress to himself. Summers, who has grown quite desperate since Jonn Buiext attacked him for his appearance at Huddersfield side by side with T. D. Sutxrvan, had Batrovr up. Batrovur, having a holiday on Wednesday night, went out to make a speech. Inci- dentally alluded to Coroner’s Jury at Mitchelstown as “‘ a, Summexs challenges him with this. Batrovur apologetic. Not certain he used the word, or if he did, didn’t mean it. Hopes House will accept his correction. ‘When he said Jury was cor- rupt, he meant to say that it was incompetent and worthless,” That makes it so much nicer for Mitchelstown jurors. “Very good,” said Trevetyan, “but not quite original. Remem- ber what Dr. Jonnson said when somebody asked him what he meant oy calling Fretpine a blockhead? ‘What I mean by his being a blockhead,’ said Jonweon, ‘is that he is a barren rascal,’ ” Business done.—Trifle over Four Millions and a Half voted in Supply. Second Reading Emp = ers’ Liability Bill moved. Friday.— House met at Two. Needn’t have met “. all, onl = the cus- ness © ONYREARE, : é Members, being there, Leading the way. . talked. Kept thing going as long as possible, and then happily dried up- Business done,—Off for Whitsun erg macy Waient leading the way. Sergeant-at-Arms chalks up on , ** Back in aa be back fill Sist; but notioe to take Bonsy ittee on Imperial Defence Bill. hour.” Only hisfan, Really shan’t looks as if we weren't neglecting business. tp NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Sta there will be no exception. , Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will mped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule scem)| (=1 13) Aw oO’ [283 — =

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—— | Beas PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—May 26, 1888. sx|WORTH et GIE,, BICHD. MATHEWS & CO. sr., BLOOMSSURY, agents for India —Curien, Patwsn, & Co. ttle, os a sample, will be sent post free ore «mm on receipt of P.O. for 4s. 6d, MEDAL, PARIS EXHIBITION, 1878. KINAHAN’S $-r2 rmx mayo? | | wileniaee “aa, ~—6W WHISKY. WHOLESOME, WE PRIZE MEDAL, DUBLIN EXHIBITION, 1885, goREaT TITCHFIELD STREET, LONDON, W. VINTAGE PORTS. isl, 18963, 1865, 1868, 1870, 1872, Bo. ‘GUARANTEED, 8. JOHNSON & SONS, FATE-ON-DEARNE, YORKS. Est. A.D. 1799 |, EXSHAW & GOS FINEST OLD BRANDY. @s. per doz. in Cases as imported. 1 W. Srartetow & Co., 203, Regent Street, w. l 7 UearTis HAIR RESTORER. Por Twenty-Two Years acknowledged to be superior to all other Hair Restorers. Most eff-ctual, Raaneene, and nent, nuba ¥ VE RITAS re- stores grey or faded hair to its orginal colour. A OUNUDA VERITAS prevents hair TALS ) NUDA VERITAS causes growth on bald / spos. SUDA VERITAS is soldin cases at 10s. 64 by a orm sts, Perfumers, &c., from whom Circulars y? ad R. HOVENDEN & SONS, 31 and 32, Des sts Staset, W.,and €1—95, Cirr Roap, E.C., arti i a QUININE PICK UP CcIVES STRENGTH | ENERGY HEALTH GREAT HEALTH RESTORER. LIFE gKERVOUS DEPRESSION a reo heumatism, Gout i Sciatica, T Liner, "hiceen De tiers. and every form of weakness may be speedily cured by wearing im" at once to Ma. C. B. HARE triclan, Medical Battery HARNESS’ ELECTROPATHIC B No Shock or Discomfort whatever. | iy Tumads of Testimonials. Pamphiet and Avice free. Cali TO-DAY, if possible, or SS, Co wahing Elect oo Lid, 52 OXFORD ST., LONOON, W. CORNER OF RATHBONE PLACE. ETER F.LHEERING'S A) 2) 4) PENHACEN GOLD MEDAL HERRY BRANDY TA Li ADI ; | UBED IN THE ROYAL NURSERIES, SAVE THE TEETH, USE DAILY THOMPSON ‘& CAPPER’S DENTIFRICE WATER. » Se 64, 4a 64, and Se. 64 bottion TEOMPSOM s “UPPER. Chemists, 55, Bold Street, Romney wad 8h, ‘St, Piocediliy, Man Maschester. UNDER ROYAL PATRONAGE, CORSETIERES. 184, NEW ott |=: STREET, W. “ODEN MINERAL PASTILLES.” THROAT, CHEST, AND LUNGS. They are specially recommended by oar it Moret MacKenzie, onial is effixed te each box. Aas! Medicine Vendors at Ys, hd, ABSOLUTELY | os wa eos Forme Apeat rs gn Legion anger a. pap ay ba JOHN INSMEAD & SONS’ PIA PIANOS upw it, 20, and 22, Ww ioMonn STREET, r LONDON, w Lists Free. THE WOMDELFUL DISCOVESY IN NEEDLES. MILWARDS’ Ay! ALL Daareas. CALYX-EYED NEEDLES. THREAD WITHOUT THREADING. Hexar tiated Sons, Washford Mills, Redditch. ~ BEST FOOD INFANTS. In Tins, 1s., 2s., 5s. and 10s. each. SAVORY & MOORE, tonoon, AND SOLD EVERYWHERE. TOBACCONISTS COMMENCING. OW TO OPEN Le py from any amount however smal) or \ustrated Samrie Packer Guatm and Post Pass. lay THE REDCLIFFE PATENT RICK COVER. ed me in Jum lastgive every ned pee position in them a great e Ss t ~ the very ie ia is at ht foo ace: tain 4+ 4 qua “BRIS Gales bo tae Billi, cus Miathiaiate REDCLIFFE CROWN GALVANIZED 6O., BRISTOL. TIDMAN'S SEA SALT. | (TIDMAN'S 8 SALT. Analysed and ray d 7 Dr. Hassall. TIDMAN' 4 SEA ee Has given Strength and Vigour Beware Imitations. Every Genuine P: Tidman's name and Trede Mark § CHAMOIS Should be in every household. Eothenall’s LEATHER Patest. A | Genuine Cloths bear . CLOTHS. ” Trade Mx he ‘ Spinning Wheel.’ amots ther for ali purp ——r Te be from all )irapers, Stores Ironmonae “SANITAS” MEDICATED TOILET PAPER. (Manufactured bee. 4 aera Sanita” Millions. age bears LBasa Emirrine, oF contact Ay wal r RFLCTIN opoun or “ Santras.” Pri fect Dr and DLODORIZING paper. Retail, ls. per ee geches or roll, of all Chemists, Stationers, Stores, &c. Wholesale of BAKCLA NEWBERY, EDWARDS, and the usual Houses. Bole Pr: pele rietors, THE HYGIENIC PAPER CO, 2, Queenhithe, Upper es Street, London. Se omple packet or roll, post free, 1+. 3d, ky PASSENGER, ée. ‘or HOTELS, MANSIONS, LIFTS Seo E. BONNETS, 200.,tim., — ATH BON & PLACE. C. BRANDAUER & C0.’S CIRCULAR POINTED PENS Write as Seg F ao 6 ieee a lead rt, i porate Bs poo Beven a, a Medals J 3 3 fy ak c. Brandauer : Co.'s Pen le Birmingham. Hoorine couUGH.— HERBAL EMBROCATION. ual cue without W. Bow,sase Sircirie Acne, Wh @ yard). Soild by most wont Cheats,’ DINNEFORD'S MAGNESIA. For ACIDITY of ras STOMACH, BEARTBULH, HEADACHE, GOUT, and INDIGESTION. 180, BOND STREET, and all Chemists. M°CALL’S PAYSANDU OX TONGUES. m= ce Mewes {past Tee), “LESSER FRIEDLANDER, itch. London. Established © » care. ESTABLISHED 1825. NEAVE S FOOD BEST 4ND CHEAPEST. FOR INFANTS, INVALIDS, THE ONLY REMEDY FOR BAGGY KNEES. Jou sch OF TAILORS, HOSIERS, &c. Polished Walnut Clamps, Mieke! Rod and Fittings . Poll.hed Birch Clamps, Bronze ditto Plain ditto ditte ditto oe Plain birch Clamps, Rods not jointed ght el — Lawn Tennis ix Pesvertixe flannel Trousers FROM SHRINKING AITER BEING Warmer | rege HAMILT: He & CO's PATENT, which is stamped with Name and Trade »a & Pg diMeulty in ovtaining, or ot’ er Stretchers are to be substi: uted, send .0.0. (witn etre tor carving) the Makeis, 1, Parr La CHUBB’S SAFES WILL PREVENT JEWEL ROBBERIES Pascoe Lieve cont reer. aSite. VICTORIA STRERT, B.C; OA, Bs’s STRELT, Pall Mail, London fines fing AUREOLINE pace rae of oh pen H Rep haecicwan Sere: —AVOID IMITATIONS, and in» st wn, Loupon, B.C. , 1/6 and 3/-, Post Pree. From WORKS, LONDON, 8.4. = AND THE AGED, &% all Botanic Mediclae Co., New)iordst.,W.0.

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SSS Se — —— i] ) sg iy \ | ED SUS SEE Gee a st ee testes a PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Mar 26, 1888. of so Wetted, te Sty Steart Salt te we Prec.act

Page 365

Next week, with Illustrations by CHARLES KEENE, wi// be published a SECOND SERIES of \ RO 3 EF RT. or, Notes from the Diary of a City Waiter. From“ Puncu.” Price One Shilling. (trtzisorwté2 — DFO

“SONS3Sd S33H¥HL 391d . ve) fe hy! ae ' 28 — ; 7 , ae : ry i i | ’ s Xf ' iat u fe in) Sz , y ES UU i ‘Hh { ii = a P : ‘4 1 @y ROS Ag al mat YW ILE at , ‘ Nii , A 4 Ute! ! ih < il j ih | x Sy . La A) << ‘ ‘ Hs , ar i! ny ! \ AN lege STAI PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET. a AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS, $ cHocoLar MENIER 2=2%2%.sx (h} —

Page 366

pom in amy recent work of Sgten Youn Neasce. tte WESTACOTT. | ure Oesepian ‘Charmingly written and very ia- terest.ng Londen: 6. LOW, MARSTON & CO. Ae! etal) Bookerliers Now ready Sixpence). New Series, No @. (THE CORNHILL MAGAZINE | for JUN b, containin ng, among other articles of interest, “Tits Ravesdropper,” Part I1.— Oar | Distriet Eehocols’ Notes by a Naturalist The Badger and the Fou" —" In & German Emigrant Ship" — “A Lifes Morning,” by the Author of ” Demes Thyrsa,” &c., Chaps. XI. and KIL— ac , &¢ London : Suire, Bonen, & Ce., 16, Waterice Place THE ENGLISH ILLUSTRATED MACAZINE Yor JUNE Profusely me ; ty post, 64. The Nw T contains — 1. Solitude. By Dav tye owles. Frontispicee 2 Ciimpese a = | gt Somes. IV. Kridge beth Naik cs Te ‘Med station of Beles Mardetet Chaps tg a XAXAILIL (comtunued By Protessor Minto 4 Saget, Auricies, and Umbrellas. Part I ‘ orédon Cumming 8 Goqeting Days and oe, Ways —“ The ~ Outram ‘te it I — ations by Hervert Railton 6. Lil:ea Rawt, cual. Chap. Il. (Comcluded BY A 7 Bs Catere. oy = "D. ‘Tai. MACMILLAN & CO., LONDON. | WheAssets exceed Line Millions Sterling f C3 FIR a LIF ASSURANCE COMPAN} HEAD Onnices LONDON « ABERDEEN + OT NNN * inex ‘ey fee There bas been nothing | § PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jone 2, 1888 VAN HOUTEN’S pure soLuLe OOCOA BEST & GOES FARTHEST. “It is admirable."—BRrITISH MEDICAL JOURNAL. Under the direct Patronage of .M. The Quzzy. | By spe ate \ Reral, and Imperial Warrant, Porrey abrics to the Royai } Sasepe and the Rank and Fashic “rr rami THE MATRIMONIAL wanmiage eqonirs AND aa rec High-C se wie ee race ee cri Lovtion, W gare Baier “OUR NEICHBOURS,”| / MAPPIN & WEBB'S PARTRIDGE & COOPER, 192, FLEET sTREeT. | \ DRESSING BAGS, STOUT PEOPLE OBESITY easily, pleasantly, acd cortsialy cured, without hardship or A valuable treatise, showing how fat can be dee troyed not merely leseened) and the cause removed together with the tion, advice, and fail explanations HOW 2 act, sent FREE on appii- in eit! Sracie "|| RANSOMES’ 2.Z. Lynton, Bloomsbury Mansion, Bloomsbury, Lon. | | TOBACCONISTS COMMENCING. — OW TO OPES =~ oom « any | Ht oie post Gee} Lissa PuepLan NDER, By | * poset roe fe, seen Patan a Heigh hol the wind and | the rain. || LAWN MOWERS skeoreans. THE BEST in the WORLD. SILVER MEDALS SA V EB "BI- Inventions Bxbibisicn, 1805, Liverpect, 1866. ln ef size, to out every requirement. “NEW APTOMATON,” BY SsENDIXG Post |i- cue 4? ATON,.” “NEW PARIS,” Oxz Hatrrenyy yew Risk corte CARD “SEW AUTOMATON” GARDEN ROLLERS. WITH YOUR NAMB AND PULL appREss, All Mach nes sent on a Month's Free Trial. ‘aa Lawsouss, SIMs a IEPrELiEa, La Tyee | 14d. per Bath. (OMPANY, BRACING AND REFRESHING, OF ALL CHEMISTS, &e. BRADFORD, YORKSHIRE, Whe witt forward on Ulustrated Gatelogue of their “ULTIMUS six’ J RAIN REPELLENT MBRELLAS Which have more genuine imp-ovemests and wearing qualities than any Umbrellas is the Wor: Ladies’, 68., Guarriage Paid. Gentlemen’s, 10s., WITH HALL-MARKED SILVBR BAND. 4 4 a os and disti 7 the Japanese Lot A SAMS NTES im swek, Greets, tena | [ ennecwrry & $08, REWEATEST LONDON | MANUFACTURING | SEA SALT. COLLINSON & LOCK. FITMENTS. A COMPLETE SYSTEM OF ARTISTIC FURNISHING FOR EGERTON BURNETTS ROYAL SERGES oS eennbenatte Fabrics, wn, cntirely Sew Wool for the coming Beason Unrarfunet heyy aut yet Sterling Soret rll Wearing Qualttles imish. — —~— Pat Thee 1 simmense Yaris! of New Patterns con. ildren,and Gen Pte auit oll Climates, all fashions end Geen SPRING PATTERNS POST FREE to any addvens, Any Length Gold. Carriage Paid on Orders of » aad above to any part of the United Kington, No Aoexts on Mippie-Mew Eurcoren. EGERTON BURNETT, Wellington, Somerset, England. FOR DELICATE CHILDREN. SQUIRE'S CHEMICAL FOOD. PHOSPHATIC FOOD. te dette, 2s., 3s. 64., and 6s. each of Chemis, Or by Parcel Post free direct from SQUIRE & 8 ONS, Hee Missort'’s Carus 418, OXFORD STREET, "LONDON. SMOKE ™ suis PLAYER'S zi: “eons? NAVY 4 Bee that the Label bears the Trede Mas rk ortinomau Castries” at each & AND PERFUMERS, IN ELECANT CRYSTAL TOWET CASKET price 2/6.

Page 367

ant, Purvera U Famile: ¢ of the Worg, ETTS CES entirely ving in Pan arparsed or

_—_ Joxs 2, 1888.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

BAROMETRE POLITIQUE.

M Tuo hantaed ie The bel St Bove 2s the No wonder they call y And after another great The very ** Grand Old Well, Wrtt1am, there’s work for you, friend, and no There’s Ferris, the Fiend, and there’: _ Are licki Counties like winking. Thee pit their pace, and their break The best of our batsmen from Yorkshire or Sarrey ; taste I am thinking. (By our good as they make ’ But, WILLIAM, my walt ba breed, fe TO W. G. an Old Admirer.) (Mr. W. G. Grace, playing at Brighton last week, made a soore of 215 runs. ] On, W. G., tireless W. G. More power to your elbow. Your foes | although one can see wished that at Brighton. Some ing Titen ! in jubilant glee, the scare G., Man” of Cricket! ’ 8 of y How many—at forty—could pile such a score ? Bat you,—may you do it a hundred times more, lack-bearded cricke’ ! d fifteen ! undering thumps you stood at the stumps ired of your wicket. {error | Tunwer, the (Terror, seem to the . may you flog ’em like fun, that something was done em. my Wit114y, all round ; as batsman they ’re sound, or pick ’em. although we may feel men worthy our steel, Our duty ’s to love, laud—and lick ’em !

THE DIARY OF A NOBODY.

April 9.—Commeneed the morning badly. The buteher whom we decided not to arrange with, called and black me in the most uncalled-for manner. He by abusing me, an carton be G6 net wont may epctom. I simply said, ‘‘ Then what are you making this fuss about it for?” and he shouted out at te te of ay venga, so hah oil Cho miuenaoese conte howe, Pa, ut it.” discharged. Prrt, a monkey of seven 1 - me ane. a on!” I informed in rm twenty y eT gave him an indi t respect, Sir.” argue with him any further; you cannot evening Gowrne called and i Gowine is sometimes very tedious with his remar'! and CARRIE once very pro i i April 11.—Mustard an a day of annoyances. I missed words with the grocer’s boy, tinence to bring his basket to the hall-door, and leaving boots on the fresh-cleaned having He replied, “All right, go y him that uarter door-steps. He said door with his knuckles for a quarter of an hour. co cing why he did not ring the bell? He rep handle came off in his hand, I was half an hour has never happened to me before. There has recentl in the attendance of the clerks, and Mr. Perxvurr, our chose this very morning to pounce down upon us early. the tip to the others; the result was that I was the only ald not hear this as she was upstairs d his complaint d cress and radishes not : e< : é :

demanding.” he to which he insolently replied that I ‘* looked look and said, ** I like that. In th fy smell of aint. always cautious ; Buckiine, one of the senior clerks, was a brick, and I was saved by his inter- vention. As I ‘* How disgracefally late some of the head meant for me. which unfortunately had the effect of Thought afterwards it would have have repairing the sc April 12.— meaning of it, the gas-pi man who was tea, called A I id i no Gownme dropped in, and we had a smoke CaRRIe joined us later, but did not stay for her. It was also rather too much for me, a green cigar, one that his friend Saozmacn merica, The chess didn’t look prose but I fancy | had smoked a little more than 1 was ing Sanu to bring in the glasses. I took Mustard and cress and t evidently knew nothing about ion for expense I shall four times, feeling the need of fresh air. On not * Chacun a son rheuma her sides quite ached with anything I have ever said before, laughed til! the bed shook. Bap Srriz.—“‘ If there is one Mrs. Ram, “it’s to see people m familiar quotation, ‘‘ Chaeun a son gout.” all in English? Or, if this medley of languages must smoking : offered by Prrr’s desk, I poe S him remark to his neighbour, arrive.” This was of course I treated the observation with silence, simaly en . be put to. making both obliged to retire on the laughter. I never was so "f actually woke up twice during

tism,’ or ‘ Chacun a son thing more than another ixing tongues. 9p” plaints, Mrs. R. affirms, are quite as common as gout, through Kensington Gardens, and connect Kensington with Whv not more Rotten Rows across P objects ? Bayswater? Who can cut these Gordian Why-Nots

ng him a look FH be S taotk clerks laugh. been more dignified pretended not to ard him at all. Cums«nves called in evening, and we played dominoes. radishes not come up yet. raper, but when I came home found three men working. I ask the and Farmerson said that in making a fresh hole he had He said it was 0 ment sidlouous eee FaRmenson penetrated sf lt hs exous the hocalitiest oes lour. tickled night ee ae used, why not say, Propostrions ayp Ripers.—Why not make a few rides under the shady trees f

VOL. XCIV.

Page 368

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ~

A TRYING MOMENT. Little Smuggyns. “ My Dace!” ; loveth it, manhood rejoiceth in it, and age tive shares of ‘‘Sweet Witt” and facile MR. PUNCH'S GREAT DERBY CRYPTOGRAM. | gossi thereof by the chimney-corner. | Francis therein. A world charmed or bitten e Doxwaitr Presi ; , like Love, levelleth all. Shopboy and by the new game of Cryptogram-hunting may,

asking. It is the Day when the Derby is run! ReelomontaNvs's prediction, “ imus- octavus mirabilis annus” Kighty-cig it a won- year) will be Eighty-eight hath mo this prophecy, and a cone name it enig- matically — , od to ye on horse- hakspear: iq Yraces,—marry, 8 ru an pom _ Pe | To bet or not to bet,—that is the question. something more than | Whether "tis nobler in a man to gobble “fathom deep” in| The Soe ape =p without tempting fortune, the eri oop i Or take odds upon a dark outsider, ee oe And so spoil one’s Sigestion. To punt—to plunge, will | No more ; and by one lucky bet to end who has a free pass to the | The heartache and the thourand bills and bothers splendid notion of get- Poverty ’s heir to,—'tis a consummation HAKSPEARE to collaborate | Devoutly to be wished. To punt—to plunge ;— THE WINNER SPOTTED! lor his pages, which should | To plunge! perchance to lose :—ay, there ’s the rub. : gots verita “ secret” the | For plunge what awful dreams may come (By our Lowther- Arcadian Artist itable * open For from that y di ) Winner for 1888!!! | When we have shuffled off our Derby togs, an it please, share the profitable toil. Oh, really read—and profit by— | ist we oil long for an infullibicpegher | _—sdbeasutiful is this! Here lurks the winner! ; " fter i 1 | For whe would bear false “ tips ” of sporting tout “Search narrowly the lines!—they hold a treasure,” oe ‘the coming te = Welsber det , the Advertiser's enares, ° as Eveoar ALLAN Por hath it. Argal, ore of Punch's readers, ‘whieh of The Satbediion cal'the eases 7° —| SPzuanes, bullion bevens ho Geeamns <forate they are wisest, The patient juggins of the sharper takes, aici cnt diate not meanest of mankind. The When he t winners spot and make bis pile forest and cases of 74 Champagne | With a bere monkey? Who would ever bear oo = syllables! Do _ - \ Mr. Punch’s sanctum for | To fret and fume about a “ morning wire,” o tty jot point, er you may ye of the Derby, will sufficiently But that the off-chance of a stunning “‘ cowp,” And mind ye are not put off the scent Bacow begins :— | Some undiscovered “ System,” with whose use the veritable quarry by obvious herring-trails, No chap can ever lose, puzzles the will, diverted from the true track by false clues! N RACING. | And makes us take the | tips we have, Aha! A cryptogram is naught that is not— hath pertinen: i tly been entitled | Hoping for “ morals” that we ~_ not of. oryptogramic. Ask Dowwaity else. Not a K 80 titwithequal| Let the ious Downey decipher this the crow flieth, but as the swallow wheeleth, King of Sports.” Youth | eryptogram, decide, if he can, the reepic- wit windeth through this lucre-yieldiag laby- a ee ea eee FE FEE baiabyedeete Fr

Page 369

| Jone 2, 1888} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL | “OUTSIDE, SIR! OUTSIDE!” Mrs, Australia (to John Chinaman), “'1’vB BAD QuITE ENoVeH OF rou! ‘No Apmirrance,’—Not even ‘On Business’!” Winner. Wins (not whines) from the wood! That tip alone is Mister or o worth all the money. Pray pile it—dear y | on this horse as heavily as youcan. The van be in the rear, nor my selection lose the race. It is “ the only sure case nine outsi " Don’t I evidently mean another nubibustic seeret Incidly and not darkly to reveal ? ‘ Pi F * So far the great clairvoyant Shades, now dropping from Baconian prose into Shakspearian verse ; into contemporary verna- cules. Bir. Punch, who dose not, like DoxWELLY, take ton years and ling. Lat hin Teck render go and do likey i . go he will show the Race—"* how

Page 370

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Jus 2, 1888,

OPERATIC NOTES. Monday 2\st.—Great excitement consequent upon anticipation of the rentrée of Mile. Szentp ARWOLDsON as Zerlina, and the - ance of Miss Mciwrraz as Donna Elvira. Everybody remem what a charming performance that was last season with Miss ARNOLDSON in the rt, and M. Mavrer as the Im-Maurel Don. Audience in state of expectancy. House full by 8°15 in consequence of the Times having advertised the performance to com- menee at eight. Practical joke on part of Times at Wits-untied time. Opera really to in at 8 30. In the lobby, Avevsetus Druniotanus going along full steam, his fine eye with frenzy rolling. Evidently something's a What? The a . No. “Miss Melwrreusx is like Richard the Third,” says Davetotanos, throwing off his cares with a light laugh. ** Richard was ‘hoarse,’ you remember ; so’s Miss Mcliwryre.” He adds, ** She can’t sing to-night,” and Davrio- LANUS vanishes through a secret panel. Somebody, looking and small, appears before the Cartain. Hvuse silent fora solo. The Pale and Small One on stage “ regrets” (thrill through the andience) “having to announce that Miss McIwryre cannot ” (damper all round, and people regarding one anothor doubtfully) ; ‘‘ but, in order not to disappoint the public by putting off the Opera”—(audience much relieved !) —‘* Mr. Harurs”—(Is he going to announce that Avevstvs Davato- LANUs will sing the part himself? Excitement !)—‘* Mr. Hanats has been fortunate enough to find the one person in London who can and will sing the part of Donna Elvira!” (We breathe again! Wonderful person, Davriotancs! We imagine him driving at fire- engine speed —perhaps on a fire-engine—all over London, routing up Elviras Fy them, Stemiees Som, and finding the right one at last.) “ A lady,” i ale and Small One, brightening up a bit, ‘ who, as a matter of fact’ (here he becomes quite confidential). ‘has made a great success with this very part in St. Petersburgh” —with which encouraging announcement he pulls himself well together, bows in a familiar but wi al manner to the audience, and retires amidst applause. *‘Name! Name!” shout voices of inquisitive people, who insist on knowing so much. Whereupon the Announcer returns at once, and in a pleasant, casual sort of way, apologises for having quite forgot to mention that the lady’s name is Rotta—Madame Rota. e Apologist seems as p with his second appearance, as if he had taken an encore. The name of Rorta suggests Pizarro, Cora, and the child, in Sueeipan’s old play. When Madame Rotta does a r, she is most heartily received by a grateful audience who thank her for having *‘ kindly consented to oblige.” Pretty face, majestic presence, plays and sings admirably; and how she fits into her place without a rehearsal is a mystery. Piquante Miss ABNOLDSON, charming as Zerlina, but Signor D'Awprape (why not Irishise it as Dan Deaby ?) too Hamletty for the gay Don. He picks himself up over the immortal serenade, and the audience forgive and encore him voviferously. Everybody delighted with Signor Ravetii's ‘‘ J/ mio tesoro,”’ as also with the great trio of masks, before the Ball Room scene, with Mmes. Fiascu-Map1, Rota, and Signor Ravetit. Don Giovanni evidently had an eye for what Mr. Manta- fant would have called ** Demnition fine Duchesses,” for certainly the two eruelly-deceived ladies of title, as Mmes. Firecu-Map! and Roxta, represent ‘‘ Quality and Quantity.” Miss McLyTrRe wouldn’t have been half a Duchess compared with Madame Ftrsen-Mapr. Signor Clam?r as funny as ever as Masetto ; Signor aon aly Leporello « trifle cumbrous. The Ball and supper magoaifivent. Altogether an eventful evening. I am particularly interested in watching the new arrival, Rotza, my opers- glasses. I am “all cyes,” so to speak—(at least, it’s better not ‘so to speak,” as it gives opportunity to Waestarr to say, ‘ Oh, are you? ‘Thought you were all ears!” Must be always on guard with Waestarr present)—but unfortunately a man in the stall just in front of me is all head and shoulders. If I sit up, I can’t see over him ; I can never see through him ; and he is of so restless a disposition, that he is either leaning to the left, to make remarks to his neighbour. or swaying to the right, to obtain a particular view the stage. moves to right, I move to left, and vice versé ; only as I cannot caleulate on exact moment of changing his position, | can never once get more than a momentary glimpse Equanimity 5 eventful evening,” and Miss McIwrrne not | Twesda

of the stage. Finally give it up asa bad job. At last in the middy of the Second Act his head droops . . . thank Goodness, he sleeps, and I obtain an uninterrupted view of stage. (Happy Thoughi suggestion for Druriolanus and Organising Committee.—Tall ouphtn’t to be admitted into front rows. Every patronising the stalls should be measured for a ticket. men at the back and the shortest in front.) After Second Act great excitement. From the lobby I hear andi. ence making « noise. What has happened? Ar apology ? I rush to stall entrance. is it? Anyone ill? No. Only | first appearance this season of black cat. It crosses the stage, it | visits three private boxes, and is at last kindly taken care of bys entleman in the stalls. Waestarr said he thought it was Karn sme. imity restored. As I have already remarked, “ An the tal y.—ALzani perfect as ,Gilda in Rigoletto. Sad Opens Rigoletto, Melancholy finish always makes me yi The Quartette in last Act of course encored, and so was Signor Ravzzu's ** La Donne ¢ Mobile.” This is, up to now, the best thing Ravztu has done. Madame Zerrriui ViLLant, the new contralto, is likely to be The choruses magnificent, and once more, as to the mise-en-scéne, DRURIOLANUS is outdoing himself. Another eventful night,—no bouquets!! New departure, this. Thursday. — Madame Metna dé-buted, and S1enor Corocm rentré'd. Opera, Lucia di Lammermoor. Scotch Opera,—Miss McIwrrre ought to have been in it, but, as it is, Miss Mezza from Melbourne (real name ARM*TRONG, and “* more power to her elbow! ”) was a great success. Bouquets to-night. Scoteh Chorus first- rate, and Scotch mist-en-scéne admirably arranged by Avevstus Hacers. Signor Raver (getting better and better histrionically) appeared as Edgar, and sang his song like a swan. Saturday.—BSee “‘ Our Next.”

DOGBERRY’S DIARY. Monday.—Notice of crime about to be committed at No. 13, Lonely Lane, handed in at office. Hesidents a Set watch immediately. Special officers told off. surround house. Some watching from Nothing nor nobody can eseape our vigilant eye. ‘ Tuesday.—Odd! Burglary and murder been committed at No. 13. Most extraordinary. Sent men in all directions. Somebody, by the way, who,—corresponds to the tion given by the residents of the suspicious-looking ae with information at office. Sergeant Veners took down his name and address, and ised to call as soon as ible. Man not since been seen. Can’t p oeqentons odd! ednesday.—Seouring the country for miles round. Made four- teen arrests. One man essed his guilt. : Thursday.—Thirteen arrested ey discharged and cautioned. They thanked the police, and testified to the t care taken of them in cells. Fourteenth party, who conf his guilt, is now sober, and asks what it’s all about, and where he is. His friends visit him. He is discharged. Twenty arrests made before 9 P.M. | Friday.—The twenty people arrested have been discharged without a stain upon their character. The criminal ts somewhere about. Saturday, Sunday, Monday.—Still scouring country. Thecriminal, of whose description we have isssued exact descri was last seen at a public-house within the radius of Charing Cross, The barmaid suspecting something wrong from the way in which he drank his beer, communicated with the police, who, after carefully taking down her statement, and giving her the usual caution, went in company w! her to the publie-house. The landlord, after some resistance, was arrested ; also, barmaid. They were not detained in custody beyond a few hours, and both thanked the police for the kindness and con- sideration with which they had been treated at the station-house. Crimiaza! still at large. Siz days afterwards.—Criminal more at large than ever. Several bungiedes eve bees committed by Mi, and in each ease be bes a note for the ce with a parce osing description ] Esaies, end ¢ oho h. Not to be put on false scent by this. Friday.—Made several more arrests. ; Arrested persons discharged, and cautioned thst Saturday. — ~ oor cap will be mask aneieal j months Tuesday.—It is just three months to-day since the crime st No. 15, Lonely Lane, was committed. Criminal last seen talking to Detective Saaz, who was in disguise at the time. It is believed that Detective Smarr told him, incautiously, who he was. Neither of them ba been seen since. There is some m here. , m Siz Months later.—Criminal of No, 13, Lonely Lane, still more | lenge than over. Sure to turn tp some time or other. Shall wait. Public interest in case died out. More important cases demand instant attention.

Paerrr Siout.—At Oxford and Cambridge. Meeting of “The Coaches.” Date uncertain.

—————<

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PUNCH, OR THE Lom — at enn fl IM \ Nall, H | ane }|'} s: Deh DblidMdbiil UTED TEAL Ll, } if neers? tht Ht wn | | = ads ||| ee Hina bey. te ge : ~tliy ies ‘ A. SSS is’ \ Wy, ty “ALL ON Ruut Hom, W. H. 8, “ GRNTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN, EXCUSE MY ‘SENSE OF DUTY ’—THimmN

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NVARL—June 2, 1883, ANY € y \W \ \\\ S 3 \' te \ \ Ld) SSS 7 \ Za \\\ S Ng » ] y \ (7 \ ‘ ii aan" iy : . AN WY s— = Me. i NS SS ae Y RA) s) B iW ” y MORROW ! | G. O. Minerrer (sings). “‘ WITH A DOODAH-DOODAH-—DEY!”

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“aw aAe Ss VY Vee 2S UV

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—_ Jon 2, 1888,] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 261 = “ALL ON THE DOWNS.” §-l-sb-ry. Come, now, I do like this; it’s really jolly ! Your healths, my boys, all round ! All, Thanks, thanks, dear Sorty! S-l-sb-ry. Must say I think that we deserve some fun, We have worked hard enough. B-If-r ( y I have, for one. ). G-sch-n. You let limp looks your reputation mar, man. R-tch-e. Besides, dear boy, you know you’ve got Krve-Harmay, A hel such as he deserves a salary. B-lf-r. Haw! yes—but, really, it’s too hot for raillery. Irish Girl (on stilts). Pray, pretty gentleman, remem B-lf-r (starting). What ? You don’t mean Mitchelstown? That awfal rot Parsue me here? By Jove, a Hibernian Might mar the taste of Horace’s Falernian. Surgit amart-—— | Irish Gurl. Faith, Sor, thin, ye ’re clever At guessing. Many ss my name, Sor. B-lf-r. Never ! 4073 Girl. Mary O’Baren, Here, I need | B-lf-r. : say, get ou | Constable, send her % the right-about. By Jove—that name! It made me feel quite queer. Trish Girl. Ye Saxon spal there’s no Crimes Act here ! Or you’d give me six months, ye m villin. B-lf-r. Faugh! I believe this is some dodge of DitxLon. S-i-sb-ry. Come, cheer up, AntauR! Let this lovely luncheon Make you forget the toa of League and Truncheon. R-tch-e, This pie is prime. Lark-pudding is not in it For flavour. Taste it, G-scu-n! é - G-sch-n, Wait a minute! This cork is precious tight,—defies the screw. H-cks-B-ch. You taxed it, G., and now it taxes you. G-sch-n. 1’d like to tax bad jokes. ’ H-cks- B-ch. Well, make a trial Upon your own. S-l-sb-ry. That would be self-denial. R-tch-e. Enable him to take that Wheel-Tax off, And yet to swell the Exchequer. G-sch-n, Ah! you scoff ! Where would you be without me? H-rt-ngt-n. What is thet ? B-lf-r. Nigger, in a huge collar and big hat! ( Voice below, singing his old favourite ditty :— “ Oh, Epsom is a jolly place, os Doo-dah!” Doo-dah ! They think they ’ll win on the big race, Doo-dah! Derby-Day! But I’m bound to come out right, I’m bound to win one day ; I’ve put my money on the Trish horse, Who ’ll win, whate’er they say ! ’’) | B-lf-r. Poor fellow! Don’t he wish that he may get it ? G-sch-n. Thousand to one I’d like to it. H-cks-B-ch (to friend below). Have a glass, GRaANDOLPH ? | Grandoiph, Don’t eare if I do. (Aside.) I say, old fellow, they are a crew! Look at old Syzterove there, how he is fuming ! Fears that the lot of wine they are consuming May get into their and lead to dizziness. gr peerage ae re t. 8 re-open. t) LLY Made up his mind that he’ll, for once, be jolly. Harry alone sits silent and sedate ; His soul seems concentrated on his plate. 8-l-sb-ry. Come, boys, a bumper aon oa, my Harry, -lesbery, This is a toast that no one ever passes. Ready? That’s right, dear boys. Well, then, I give, ** Our Noble Selves. may our Union live!” Omnes, Hear! hear! Hooray! Ourselves! Away with sorrow!!! Sm-th nn Steady, dear boys! Remember, there’s to- Mrs, Ram was penat when Mr, Frepenicxk Cowen embarked bs ‘git — fy —, '— ally,” she explained, “‘ though I knew his compositions. However, THE HANGLODANNISH XH reel , and quite di any that I ever seed afore. For instance e 5 ‘ fF if & et ; i E 8 a iE ed Feag PPE inet j Tip g flier! stile tigi i} od = 4F eRe He s° EE =} L g PE Fe J i i © J z fl ‘ ES — i=) — fy a z Bee ge F f : fi HE £5 : it Lite FEiocs att + E ; 8 I may be allowd to carry a ght ae: E y thinks nothink of catching a dozen breakfast. I didn’t understand what he z 3 ** Nock-me-down”’ Drinks in sucksession wi' return | what they can do in that A SURREY SITE. Ma. Atexanper Macuriziay, the well-known his house and Knapdale, of their sticking Sharp Poons into the poor things Considring what a remarkabel jolly cold country Denmark looks to be, I’m sumwhat disappinted at the werry few new Drinks IBISHUN. Iw addition to all I discribed larst week, there’s a Picter oo 7th ectenich « gvell manny Cems own Felatets, Sum on ’em I ; re : : e . =e Bg # aE 2 Bea ah Fe a Zz g Gennelman, has to give a hundred to be ci one the Hofaes inthe Play. pink » but my hopes ires to 80 gi a hight. Redd SP i as a little Inglish, told me whales of a mornin ment when he tork to make ’em blubber. introduced me to a new Drink for ewery day in the year, xcept, of re nee Olea a ‘epee Y Beturday’s, "Can I werry uncommon can 8. a it my sensashuns when I fust tasted ** te s Milk!” or the “Flash of Lightning,” or the “* Parson’s !” or, far above all, the “‘ Yard of Flannel!” Never! ormy en estonish- ment at seeing the Savages of the Wild West toss off three of them thout winking! Ah, them wes grand times, them was, which has gorn, I fears, never to shall try and got # peep at the Etaliens, close by, to see 6. Rosekrt, 7 Es mn phat sii io al + cA RON » tes a — , aaa ny Sa iaiic peal

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— - PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL A STRAIGHT TIP. Visitor (to Sporting Character, who has got hold of his Watch-gquard), ‘‘ Amznican TickzR— Geum’ Sirver Caarn——” Sporting Character. “' O—THANKS ! Bro PARD’ wt” CorRECTIO. —Carissime Panche —Legi i in tua impressione E, errorem pugnis puerorum. Sed facit coum FiasHMaywo. Hoo non ita fuit. FLasmMaNNo erat egregius bullius in schol domo (cujus Perzr nunc est et ego olim fui alumnus), et und nocte Tommivs Brownvs (is qui nune est suus Honor Judex Hucnss), parvali pueri, pugnaverunt cum eo in auli,— averente, quodam ( 1 5 =a berima Feit sive QR TN vidit equum ludum—et vice- runt. pugna i OMMII quidam juvenis (scilicet ut fact ut wolivi One tt capiebat classem et Hewnicus sive Hagnrvs Onrens, adhuc et orta est ut sequitur :—Uno die - postea fuit caput ay pe buries et Magistri, cujus AnTaunrvs (id est, SraNLErvs, erat caput. _Legendo Homerum we pe olam. Tomarvs hoo audiens peace = (preepostoris) et totine. schole, ex cibos sibi unctum parant. Hwee est Brown! libro immortali. Stark mad must the man be t. ** Near Uganda we were hun When one of poy tine, Shoreward og — Puewacis de oMMIUs Brownvus pugnavit — Bat, as h our em wish Stayed him, he turned back, and said, vendish, Ete Hawp anp Grove at a New Spa.—At a the bromo-iodine Spa at W “Yeo, my boys, yeo ho!”) hi growing desire “ to {> enpeunage English into fashion, so English Spar would any elie Rooszk among the oO icwal wre that in his latest book, The Treat and draws such © eomnt, picture of oose-0's Dream. In fact we thought he Dr. Rosrrson Rooss-o. Why go abroad home? Plenty of Flats to to let in we have, than fly to others that become Down the White Nile What’ s the news in ——___ STANLEY. (With Apologies to Mr. Browning's '' Waring,” ) I—1 Waar ’'s become of Stantzr Since he gave us all the slip, On ie Rated cn 5 on Sec —back ? Ichabod, Ichabod |" To Emus he’s Does he travel up the Congo? Or hobnobs he with some Pongo Of a — Afric —, ; Some slave-dealing royal thief, Whom he marvellously teaches To be honest and wear breeches ? Who has a rumour swell Of a white man just upstarted In the Bhar Gazelle? How he tames the cruel-hearted Millions there, who now revere feo revolvers, gre pe beer ? y through torrid zone To their goal he’s brought his band, And—just as ’twere Livinestorr— Lifts his hat, holds out his hand,— a suc ttering ve. Shall we greet his epee rt face Once more in the market-place ? IL—t. When I last saw Stantey——” How all turned to him who spoke ! You saw Stantzey! Truth - joke? espied borne a bit of bunting To a topmast tied. ut there a bearded man, By lke valtare, head ike on, browned and bronzed like tan aft igi ie with, one ves, Nor to bore with make- es, win, Till our strange- built dahabeahs Mal : Pn * Have you some Cut Ca Snuff, or any decent bread ? Thanks | men me now.’ on his prow.” Ah! We hope that tale is true! That the traveller, over-due, May do that for which he wen, more Emin-ent! Me van? New Prece at Mus. Joun Woon’s Taxars when it opens in Surprises du ce; or, What will pep Grundy say? | |Juns 2, 1888, |

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL Joxs 2, 1888.) “i 6 z OUR JAPANNERIES. Te ORS OS Ea —_ ‘i Yio = — 215 Lord Mayor Dz Keyser’s Over-confident Imperialism, by Some Supremacy, out of Office Latest Poli -Democratic Acrobat, out of Bounds, ‘Me. tion, out of Order. mpion, out of Taste. has S Lord Cuantzs Beresrorn’s Restored British Naval ks tterances of Assiduous Ci Recent Remar | by Ui ‘uropean Disturbance, by vssta’s Threatened FE: Sight. Home Rule, by Enthusiastic States- ations, out of Deferred repar ang SOME EPSOM OUTSIDERS. onus Em Mr. G litical Somersault, by by War Office Organisa- Lord Ranpotrn Cav peror of R Mili man, out of Reckoni Scare, Strannopr’s Recent Military | ulgarian Crown, by Patriotic Aspirations, | Defence Muddle, by Machinery of | "s ‘National out of Gear. Feeprvann’s B Prince out of Patience. M. Lz Dwidends, Dron’ SaLisBury Lotteries are illegal. CoNSERVATIVE EXCLAMATION ON READING THE RESULT or Sovutu- |aAMPTON Exxcrion, May 23.—‘' Good Evans!” Is Mannrace a Lottery ?—N», it isn’t. | Lottery Loan Scheme, by Visionary 8 Baffled Plan of Campaign, ty Nationalist Agitator, 's Panama Canal out of Reach. Mr. out of Temper.

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264 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. (June 2, 1889, — ———— ——r badly done, too! No wonder these coun meetings are goi VOCES POPULI. dows: « te this was under Grand National Hales” &2., &e — : 'zette maker ( forci is way in, u owner AT A BUNT GEEEPLE-CEAS. Jampot). It o. 0 chame andl oaiannes Mr. Compann.” You at In THe Pappock. be warned off every course in land ! If Jampot could hha” broke Horses being led round in Circle. Jockeys receiving final directions. | his reins, he’d ha’ won easy! It oughtn’t to be allowed. ’Tisn’t Owner (to Jockey). Now—you know where you’vye to go? Down English, no, nor yet honourable. I tell you to por face you’re 4 ’ ; ne scoundrel, and you know it. It’s all your doing the hill, over the hurdles with the Ted of intelligence from Jockey. [Owner tries to look as if such accusations were beneath his Trainer (correctively). Red flags. _ notice. and walks away. pursued by Bookmaker. S ae Cecomtatte, tek bee Indignant Backer (tackling Jampot 8 jockey as he unsaddles). Ye | along by the flyiag course, and take the rode foul, ye did—ye reaslipsher! Ye pu’d the ’arse by the geatt 5 0 bank betworn the sed Sage— waramoot's Jockey (sulkily). Ride better if yo like, but don? Trainer. White and red—first time. pode —— y (sulkily). Bi rif ye like, bu t say I e A tI =. hy I. B. I do say it. Ye’re a disrespeckfal man to ride on any IS Trainer. Nox through the gap till course. Yedid pu’ the’arse, yedid! 10) eee J’s J. (with warmth). Don’t call me a dis ckful man ! the second round. Owner. Oh, isn’t it? Well, over the hedge then, white flags. I. B. 1 do call ye a disrespeckful man. Ye done wrong! J’s " Le ae le I pu’d yy ageain ! (Aad os on, ad lib,) ; The Bookmaker. Everyone on the course saw it. It’s a seanda- j x t.., — flags for the lous thing, and there ought to be some notice taken of it. Fair is ¢ Owner. And the Starter will tell you the rest. (7o Trainer, as fair all the world over! a i goes off to saddle mount.) There—if that fellow makes any a. bd trieu word. But, SarcHext, ’e don’t ought to a mistake now, he shan’t ride for me again! . : / vay ant : “I Wi. s Sportsmen. No good bullyragging the boy. He had to ride to uct An Owner with a Grievance (to anybody who will listen to him). qollase, or be tustnd off naxt deg! Ah! hese couse the Adaubell i. It’s a sheime o’ they Stewards. Passed Giraffe, and gone and dis- Now for a row! ualified my mare, Camel, for being over height! See for yourself. se J Hira ffe stands higher by a inch. Look at the teu together. . _ Ovrsipg THe Weicnine-Room. : nays I ask any fair-minded man. They're all afrecad of her—that’s | Inquiry proceeding ; Secretary, keeping door against surging Crowd. ~ what ’tis, they ’re afreeid of her! E : Secretary (to a tall man who is trying to look through a chink), Se [As often as he sees a Member of the Committee, he drags his | Don’t ’ee now, Sir, don’t. Don’t take an unfair advantage of your ping disqualified mare up to him, and harangues bitterly. Com- superior height. The proceedings are strictly private. meio g mitree-men decline, with one accord, to reopen the question,| The Tall Man. You be blowed! I’ve paid my half-crown, and | and leave Owner to ventilate his grievance outside, which he | mean to see all I can for the money ! When does, at intervals, throughout the day. Crowd ( peeping through window). They ve got the boy in there. boa. Ow tHe Course. . eee . rare good wigging. (Door opens.) A Voice—Send Artless Young Lady (on drag—to Organiser of Sweepstake). Oh, og gy Aug + ' . ought | to pay a a shilling /—I didn’t know—and take one ot these may geek yh, denn — by the Stewards. Policeman, tickets out of the hat. You must tell me which! May I open it = ek , F ets ¢ Oe 3 : Crowd (with relish). CupBarp "Il catch it now. yet? Number Two. Which ss that? Oh, Sugartonge—white and| i j:-eman (with a grin). Mr. CUBBARD gone ’ome, Bir. p silver. I must try and remember that. UProlininary canter. [ Murmur ccinaeiinn Bip, Cs diate. | Sportsman (on drag). That’s om and plum sash. ; ’ ; "9 7. - Best horse running to-day by a long chalk—reg inker. Wish| Inquiry over. Stewards come out of Weighing-room perspiring f I could have got on at a better price. There's action for you! Sreely. Crowd press around to hear result, The Artless One. He looks such a scraggy thing, and his jockey "s Stewards. You'll see our decision in the papers to-morrow. You wearing gaiters. I’m sure he won’t win! Is man with the | won’t hear any more to-day ; so it’s no use bothering. Here, let’s F red flag going to race, too? Why is heriding down there with them ? | get out of this! [Sportsman receives her prattle, which is intended to be very| Stable-boy (to Jampot's Trainer). Will Jampot be wanted any engaging, with silent contempt. more to-day, Sir? Rustic Spectators. They ’re off—no—false start ! ti be off neow, Trainer (gloomily). You can take him home, soon as you like! sure! Theer they go! All over!... Pretty jumpin’!...Theer’s py L Ra Toastrack! Ben't Tommy a pikin’ of en, tew? Well done, my . APSSR THE LAGE EAC, . sonny, goon!... Look at Jampot jumpin’—he’s runnin’ awayfrom| First Owner of Losing Horse. You see it was this way. Toast- ‘em all! rack had a strange boy on his back, and so o’ course—— Lady Sportsman. Why doesn't Jampot's jockey let him out ? Second Ditto. That theer boy ’s bin ridin’ tew many races, he hev. Her Husband. Well, it rather looks as if he was going to let the | They git weak, ridin’ so much. I told en not to let Butterdish bolt To public in / Look at that ‘—deliberately waiting for Muffineer / with en—he will bolt at times. ; ke A Sage (in market-cart), Tell ’ee what—if that ’orse as is leadin’ Third Ditto. E, geup didn’t fell. ’I'was her jockey falled off o Me neow don’t lose any more greound than that, ’e’ll win. You mark|she. She was gallopin’ way from them all. She’d a come in ten Un my words! fealds ahead ’ithout that. : Crowd (on Grand Stand). Eggeup’s down! Butterdish has gone| Fuurth Ditto. Oh, that other was ridden very jealous, and so old outside the flag—there, he ’ll hev to go back, he’ll hey a job to get ae al she got baulked at the bank. If there’d’a bin another I up to them now! Look at Jampot, he’s ahead again . . . Beertiful | reound, she’d ha gien "em all a proper doin’, sure ’nough! strider, ben't he? Don’t ’ee fall now, my darling! A-ah! Fifth Ditto. I've sin Creamjug ran a deal rougher nor that. Mufineer’s on him again—he’s passed en! She run away from a field o fourteen-two galloways in a flat-race The Artless Young Lady. Oh, isn’t it exciting! (Looks to see if | once, she did. She worn’t in form to-day, that’s all. anyone is looking at her, and is disgusted to find that everybody is [They go home, each with a comforting conviction that he has absorbed in the racing.) I don’t see my horse jumping. Why ? won what the leader-writers on bye-elections would call The Sportsman (coldly). Possibly because he came to grief at the a moral victory. second bank, and ee J walked in. How partestl ee = Artless One (with a charming pout). How y Aorrid of i ‘“ eis . ‘i Why do they all groan at Jampot sof Don’t they want him to win? Derby Anticipations. The 8. Because his jockey ’s doing all he can to let Muffineer pass| By Major Growler.—Drive down—dust—dirt—N E. wind—low him. 5 ; ‘ money, time (probably watch), temper, health, and laid up for weeks Artless One. But I think that’s so nice and magnanimous of him! | afterwards. } The 8. 1 doubt if the Stewards will take your view of it....| By Our Mark Tapley.—No Derby without dust—fresh wind— There, pulling the poor brute’s head off! It’s all over, and Mu/ffineer | N.E. wind, or “‘ N.E. wind” you like—jolly lanch—lose a jolly lot} ought no more to have won than—— or vo compeaigns—Sae hot, or cold—holiday jolly day—| [ His feelings fail him. Crowd at Jampot’s jockey as he | jolly good che—jolly well pulls up, a bad second. Jockey affects py wt pan, Hind gabe — In THE Papvock. Taz Reat “ Scitty Istes.”—If we don’t see to perfecting out) Chorus of Disgusted Sportemen, Well, after that! ...1am|Army and Navy, so as to be ready in case of emergency, Grewt dashed. Ever see anything more barefaced in all your life? So Britain and Lreland will be known as ‘‘ The Very Silly Isles.” { \ 4 wore (> NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pietures of any description, will } | in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rale there will be uo exception.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jowsz 2, 1888. “ IF IT BE POSSIBLE, AS MUCH AS IN YOU LIES, STUDY | TO LIVE AT PEACE WITH ALL MEN. 0 world! a O men! what are * and our best designs, That we must wor crime to punish crime, And slay, as if death. ad but this one gate P—Byron. WHAT IS MORE TERRIBLE THAN WAR? OUTRAGED NATURE, She is never tired of killing, till she has taught man the terrible lesson he sso slow to learn—that Nature is only conquered by obeying her... . Nature is fierce when she s offended, as she is bounteous and kind when she is obeyed. Ah, would to God that some man had pictorial eloquence to put before the mothers of England the mass of preventible suffering which sts in England year after year !—KINGSLEY, OW MUCH LONGER MUST THE CAUSES OF THIS STARTLING ARRAY OF PREVENTIBLE DEATHS CONTINUE UNCHECKED ? For the Prevention of Disease by Natural Means, use ENO’S “‘FRUIT SALT.” AT HOME, MY HOUSEHOLD GOD; ABROAD, MY VADE MECUM. 4 eoNeeA® OFFICER, writing from Ascot on January 2, 1886, says: “‘ Bles- P2vzzs, BLOOD POISONS, &c.—"Eerrt, Carno.—Since my arrival in gs on your ‘FRUIT SALT’! I trust it is not profane to say so, but, in Egypt, in August last, I have on three capes cepetione been attacked by fever, mon , parlance, I swear by it. Here stands the cherished bottle, on the chimney- from which on the first ocoasion I 25 in ws tal for six weeks. The last two attacks ot my sanctum, my little idol—at home my household god, abroad my vade mecum. have been, however, com wey ee a remarkably short space of time by the this the rhapsody of a hypochondriac. No; it is only the outpouring of a | use of your valuable ‘F Pr te whick I owe my present health at the very t ulheart. The fact is, I am, in common I daresay with numerous oid fellows of | least, not my life Pht 9 Heurvield tude for my restoration and preservation i 67), now and then troubled with a tirésome liver. No sooner, however, do I impels me to add m ay tte of uty. Beli ts of the samo, and in your cheery rem dy, than exit pain—‘ Richard is himself again!’ So highly do I | 60 doing I feel that I am but obeying 7o dictates of see ieve =, to be, Sir, grate- ss your composition, that, when taking it, I grudge even the sediment that will | fully yours, A Cozroxat, l0ra Hussans.—May 26, mys remain at the bottom of the glass. I give, therefore, the following advice to wise persons who have learned to appreciate its inestimable benefits : When ENO’S SALT betimes you take, But drain the dregs, and lick the cu No waste of this elixir — yy : Of this the perfect pick-me-up.” ? EUROPE, ASIA, AFRICA, AUSTRALIA, AMERICA, rting again on January 24, 1888, he adds: “ Deas Siz,—A year or two ago I addressed MPORTANT TO TRAVELLERS,— “ Plense send me ha!f-a-dosen bottles of sin grateful recognition of the never-failing virtues of your world-famed remedy. ENO’S ‘FRUIT SALT.’ I have tried ENO’S ‘FRUIT SALT’ in all parts of the pe same old man in the same strain now salutes a with the following : world for almost every complaint, fever included, with the most satisfactory results. I hen Time, who steals our years away, | Eno’s‘ FRUIT SALT’ will prove our stay, | can strongly recommend it to all travellers, in fact, I am never without it, Yours Shall steal our pleasures too, And still our health renew.’ faithfully, Aw Aneio-lspiaw Orrician.”’ CAUTION. ‘hou we each Bottle, and see the Capsule is marked ENG Ss. FRU IS 3 As Without it, you have been imposed upon by a worthless imitation. SOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS, pared only at ENO’S ““FRUIT SALT’’ WORKS, LONDON, 8.E., by J. C. ENO’S PATEN 7. ALL.MAN'S | CORK DISTILLERIES COMPANY MAPPIN & WEBB’S THE gx PRIZE MEDALS FOR Philadelphia Ie ial Mesa Pav HOLLOW dais, Cork 108. nea GROUND PATENT “WERY fine, full flavor and Good Spirit. aes oF Centennial Exhibition “NQUESTIONABLY « as fine quis Fink = a an SHEFFIELD 322. s22 st, w. WHI8KY may be had of tae principal Wine and 18, Poultry, £.¢., aanpon DISTILLEN’ tale merchants In caskeandeascs by | L6nden, or ftom the Mana‘sctory, _— —— To be had at Clubs, Hotels, and CORK D DISTILLERIES COMPANY Bick Handles nse ty. Of RAZORS, SEAM CORSET. wi | ned 9 lit in the seams nm the Fabric. . Requisite Mode!. Perfect Comfort. Guaranteed Wear. THREE GOLD MEDALA&, Bold v7 all Drepers and Restawants, and in ecarks of all Ivory Handle ...... Wholesale Wine and Spirit MOKKIDUN'S ISLAND, CORK, Far a ~~ to = i Foreign Mer hants throughout the ed Kingdum and Colonies. MADE WITH BOILING WATER, - S EPPS sxwmam nm!) oa a> Wholesale Agents, W. Eowanve & Bon, Quees GRATEFUL—COMFORTING, | Firs Sui rence" pt, Bai cee C O C O A Indigestion, Constipation. " : MADE WITH BOILING MILK. DAHL = NATURAL REMEDY, bse, an, Danie rate . DYSPEPSIA Se tee eg pares ages hen | CORD IEN andeae Ce ree | omens sree Linke’ . "es ‘Pains ia } side, Joints, pared ewes s ot ARINE eminent Medical Men. CAK E Ss. Siena iawis | BRE rahe i i, i ’ , EVERYONE SHOULD TRY Faeen raTenT PARA: | PERRYIAN rawsu J. EXSHAW 60.5 =e £0 POINTED PENS. ls ite aes | ers

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Juwe 2, 1888. HE Regd. Trade Mark. “FAIRY” 1 ‘eh ALERT 7 9 > s py ZAK ir ~ ‘ THE QUEEN As supplied to R MAJESTY FLOWER BOWLS FOR TABLE DECORATION “FAIRY” WICK “FAIRY” LIGHTS. — 00} 8 00 —— ——s019,ce— B CLEANS GLOVES,—CLEANS DRESSES. CLEANS GLOVES.—CLEANS DK ESSES., CLEANS GLOVES,—CLEANS DRESSES. B REMOVER TAK, OIL,—PAINT, GREASE. REMOVES TAR. OLL,—PAINT, GREASE. FROM FURNITURE, CLOTH, @c. HARNESS COMPOSITION (Waraaracor). SADDLE PASTE (Warsarncor ) S. & H. HARRISS Scld by all Gaddlers, Grocers, and Ironmongers. Mancfactory: 67, MANSELL STREET, LONDON, EB. BENZINE COLLAS—BENZINE COLLAS. See the word COLLAS on the Label. See the word COLLAS on the Cap. THE SANITARY "EUCALYPTUS SOAP’ BEAZINE COLLAS—BENZINE GOLLAS. Sold every where,64., ls., and ls. 64, per Agents: 3. Bancun & non, 0, Oniord ow. Purifies the Skin and Beautifies the Complexion. WHITAKER & GROSSMITH, 2, SILK STKEET, CITY, LONDON. ls. 64. Box of 3, at Chemists and Grocers, or direct. THE SPECIFIC FOR NEURALGIA. Sseeeeeseeeeeee — to" maintains :Tongae Sans ae me KIN pzoxt 2, BAgEI) r¢. ? Hilack Leather Articies. POLISHING PASTE. |& Fom Uiacnine Meta sep GLaee- i 3 a ’ Cures Skin i Diseases. b ag COAL TAR Protects from Small Fox, Fevers, and SOAP. eT razor should - GUKDUN » London, CLARKE'S “FAIRY” AND FLOWER BOW, IN TAPESTRY WAR as purchased by HER MAJESTY THE QUEzE from Messrs. W. P. & G. Ph 175 to 179, Oxford Street, and 155, New Bond Street. These are the latest and most beautiful desi yet produced for burning CLAREKE’S Dovy They mut seen to be appreciated. They can be obtaj Retail from all High-Class Dealers in Lamps, and Wholesale from the Pater S. CLARKE, “Pyramid” and “ Fairy” Lamp and Light Ye CRICKLEWOOD, LONDON, NV. SHOW ROOMS: 31, ELY PLACE, HOLBORN VIADUCT, ly for the weapon i« as keen— ° be.” —Kxraact oF Trerimeris » Winchester Ec. CLARKE’S “FAIRY” LIC with Double Wicks, give a beautiful light, are not: burn 10 hours each, 6 Lights in a Box, 1s. per Purchasers having any difficulty in obtaining “FAIRY” LAMPS or “FAIRY” LIGHTS are silid to apply to the Patentee, who will give the 1 his nearest Agent, If a cheaper light will suffice, Pyramid Lights a most suitable for burning in the Fairy Lamp CLARKE’S “FAIRY” MENU CARD 1s. per Dozen, Post Free. A “FAIRY” MENU CARD is given Free with “FAIRY” LAMP. Please ask for it, A specimen “ FAIRY” MENU CARD will be xs Post Free on application, N.B.—See that the Patentee’s name and 1 Mark “Fairy” is on every Fairy Lamp. THE “PREMIER” RAZOR STROPPING let we vid QMegeretee- Sace- Ptate Powder. VINTAGE oa mom: ae Foor | eh OB OEE ease MERCURIAL. The and SAFEST 2S. for CLEANING 6iL’ BLECT Ru- TE, &c. FIVE GOLD MED. awarced. bold every where, m Boxes, ls. , 2s, 6¢., ama 4s. 6a. S. JOHNSON & SONS, WATH-ON-DEARNE, YORKS. Est 42 Printed by William ®tuart Smith of No 30 Loraine Read, Holleway 5 , i the - go. and Pubuohes by hut hem, biewt = im the Precinct of Wh.tetnare, m tae (ity 1 London, Cranty of Middlesex, et the Printing O@ees of Messrs. Bradbury treet. @ the Perint of Dt. bride, Lsty of Loaves.—careapet, June 4, iso. A rmew, & Co., Lombart CEL PUBLISHED every SATURDAY.

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Mil, ‘AR Phill t, and at. ‘iful desi § DOU 'y must be obtai s in F Pate: Light ¥ , MW, UCT Te No 1s. per aining i

| PUBLIBHED every SATURDAY. suiting | Robert. zz: | Burglar Bill.

Books. CHARLES KEENE’S ILLUSTRATIONS. By THE AUTHOR OF “VICE VERSA.” (Bradbury, Agnew & Co.. Bouverie St., B.C.

walt, a! | Hilf : Mh ' sl | It \ ; wi dllit watt HN a si < ee ah re ae 6) Ee eT) Be ree AI AD eee

AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS. PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET,

ollinanis

“ Securus judicat orbts terrarum.” 20tud “SONSd 334H2

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Junz 9, 1888.

BLACKWOOD'S MACAZINE. Me. 873.—-JUNE 1883.— 28. 64. Cow raw re. A S#TIF? - WECKED GENERATION. x—xITI1. AMONG THE ISLANDS OF THE SOUTH PACIFIC: TONGA AND SAMOA. By Covrts Cure. Taorrea. WHAT 18 TECHNICAL INSTRUCTION IN AGRICULTURE? By Colonel T. Inuzs oF Leesan er. MARY SOMERVILLE. THE SUNKEN FRENCH FLEET AT ABOUKIR BAY. With Chart. By Mewar ©. Preeesnace. THE PICTURES OF THE YHAR TYROLEAN SONNETS. By the Baar ov Roseire. THE OLD SALOON —6#im Hewnr Tirion’s Con- Brerorperce.—P.ratiat Poatnarrs, &e IRELAND AND THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHUROK, By Parmuw H. Bacuwan. MILITARY BALANCE OF POWER IN ASIA. NOTE TO “THE CENTRAL AFRICAN QUESTION.”

WILLIAM BLACKWOOD axp 8ON8, Edinburgh and JACMILLAN’S MAGAZINE. 7UNE. Price ls Conta te

i. The i by Henry James. XI. —XII. To be continued & The Letters of Charles Lamb; by Augustine Hirrel 3. Capri; by William Wordsworth, & A Menace to National Unity; by B. BR. Wise late Attorney-General of New Bouth W ales & Two Schools of Art. © 2 Wee tthe Mennstery f RE; by T. W. eh 7. The Alcalde of the Sierra Negra; by W. F Hubbard. 8. A Brother of the Common Life ® After Many Days 10. Gaston de Latour ; copunued MACMILLAN & ©0., by Walter Pater To be LONDON.

~ Third Edition, revised, with index, 6s STRUGGLES FOR LIFE —By WILLIAM KNIGHTON “One of those books that we shoud expect to find popular.” —Acapemt. “ The work is « library in iteeclf, and it ~ value beyond all price.”"—Curnisriaw Union i.tiams & Nomesrt, Henrietta st Covent arden

’ : TH INSURANCE PULICY- scioene MUTUAL PROTECTION LEAGUE. a imeured, of intenai to imeere, -- ld read the League's publication, PROFIT OR PLUNDER? &e. To be had post free for Sixpence, on aplication to the Secretary of the League, _%. _Warwick Court, G Gray's Inn, London, Wi’ wa TO STOUT PEOPLE. Sewpsar Times says ‘Mr. Russell's aim is to FRapicaTe, te cvns the dieenae, and that his treat- ment is the true one seems beyond ali doubt. The medicine he prescribes poms HoT LoWFA, BUT BUILDS vr AND TONES THE stTeTEN.” Hook (116 pages) with recipe and notes how to pleasantly and rapidly cure Oseerrt (average reduction im first week is 3 lbs.), post free 6 stamps ¥. ©. RUSSELL, Woburn House, Store Street, Bedford Square, London, W.C. THE STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY ESTABLISHED 1825. Accumulated Fund, 64 Millions Stg.

FOR PROTECTION INIWLSIANI P

EDINBURGH, 8 George 8t. (Head Office) LONDON, 63 King William Street, B.C. 8 Pall Mall Hast, 6. w. DUBLIN, 68 Upper Sackville Street, Branches & Agencies in India & the Colonies.

FRY’S PURE CONCENTRATED SOLUBLE COCOA “TT consider it a very rich delicious Cocoa.”—W. H. RB. STANLEY, M.D.

“OUR NEIGHBOURS.” PARTRIDGE & COOPER, " STATIONERS, 192, FLEET STREET. SAMUEL BROTHERS. Boys’ Schoo! Outits. Messrs. SAMUEL BROTHERS have ready for immediate use a very as- sortment of Hors’ and Yourms’ Ciors- Ime. will also te send, upon ication, Pesomett Mate- mrate for the wear of Gentlemen, Boys, or ladies, together with their new luaveraatep Cata- Loeusr, —— ra about ngray- ings. This fortunes details of the various with P Liste, &c. Messrs. SAMUEL 2RS oO ?. HERS’ Fabrics | (Regd.) are ay — Weras. SAMUEL BROTHERS, MERCHANT TAILORS, OUTFITTERS, &c., 65 & 67, Ludgate Hill, Lonpon, E.C, 4 Sea Bath in Your Own Boom for One Penny. STODDART'S SEA SALTS. VALGanEe FOR RHEUMATISM AND WRAK JOINTS.

lished os, Forty Boid in od ro ls, 2d, ie. "Senee; 1b., Ss. 66 Ib., nd the i12 tb. Bags. Pui ¢ directions for Use on each Package. Analysed and approved of by Anrwon H. Hossate, M.D., & Orre Henwen, F.C.8. Bold by a Patent yr —_— ac, olesale BARCLAY e — 95, Farringson, Street, E.C, Liverpool Agents AYRTON & T_ a 149, Duke Street. ter Agents JAMES wooLlsy. ‘SONS & CO., 8, Market St. Pr : ‘oprietors : Wholesale & Export A. & 3. WARREN, Druggists, Importers of finest Olive Oil, Licensed Makers of Methylated 8 3&2 %, REDCLIFF STREET, BRISTOL,

; 34 QUININE by! PICK UP -e ERE. cIVES ait STRENGTH T ENERGY J, “~~ | HEALTH Life | a3.

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BALL - POINTED PENS. HEWITT'’S PATENT.) As used v H.B.H. the Prince of Wales.

These Pens neither scratch nor spurt, but glide over the roughest paper. They hold more ink and last longer Bix sorts, suitable for ledger, bold, rapid, or profes- sional writing. Assorted Box of 33 Pens for ls. id. ; or with a Anti-Biotting Penholder, for ls, 64. it Pree of all Stationers, or ORMISTON & GLASS, Edinburgh. “SODEN MINERAL PASTILLES,” Universally acknowledged the best remedy for affections of the THROAT, CHEST, AND LUNGS. They are specially recommended by our greatest Medical Authority, SIR MORELL MACKENZIE, whose testimonial is affixed to each box. Of all Chemists at ls. lid, or Post Free for 16 stamps, of SODEN MINERAL PRODUCE OO., Drea's Mertomes, Hotsoas, Lowponx THE WONDERFUL DISCOVERY IN NEEDLES. MILWARDS’ Saupe Pacuet Gratis a¥D Post Fass. CALYX-EYED NEEDLES, THREAD WITHOUT THREADING. Haewar Mitwasp & Sons, Washford Mills, Redditch. “SANITAS” MEDICATED TOWLE PAPER. (Manufactured — ae of the “ Sanitas” Ltd.)

Boip BY sit Daarzas

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HOTEL LONDON, ENG. —o— FINEST SITUATION, EVERY LUXURY ano COMFORT. MOST RECHERCHE CUISINE.

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Of. Ol. by 7.6%... .£1150 10 ft. 0 in. by Of. Oi. . 2 76 12%. 0 in. by 97.0... . 2170 13%. Oi by Of. 0in. . 3 26 12 ft. Qin. by 12 ft. Oin . » 3166 16 ft. O fa. by 12 ft. Oia. . 4150 SEAMLESS, BORDERED, ALL WOOL, ORIENTAL PATTERNS. TRELOAR & SONS, 68, 69, and 70, Ludgate Hill. GARDEN TABLES, “FAIRY TABLE.” pee PAGET'S PATENT. Light to = Very Strong. legent. Can be left ont without injury.

7" FAIRY TRAY-TABLE” will hold Tea Service, &&., for 8 persons, and is as lic

Light Wood Ma nished and Walnut-stain Varnish Stock. Co ours to order. A. PAGET & CO., Loughborough. Makers of PORTABLE-EASY GARDEN sta and FOOT-P UMP ‘GARDIN ENGINES THE PURE WHITE “GLYGERINE SOAP” Softens and Preserves the Skin and Complexion WHITAKER & GROSSMITH, 22, SILK STREET, CITY, LONDON le. 64, Box of 3, at Chemists and Grocers, or diret FLOR DE JAVA MILD INDIAN CIGARS ofan tg me ely choice flavour and delicate av 20s., and 18s per Box of 100, Post Free Samples, 4 and 6 for Is. (14 stamps). BEWLAY & CO, 49, Strand, and 143, Cheapside. Agents for Great britain TO SAVE THE TEETH, USi DAIL? THOMPSON & CAPPER’ DENTIFRICE WATER. In 1s. 64., 25. 64, 42, 6d., and Os. 64. bottles. BEWARE OF INJURIOUS IMITATIONS THOMPSON & CAPPER, CHEMISTS, 55, Bold Street, Liverpool, and 51, Piccadilly, Manchester.

180, BOND STREET, and all Ch ist.

STREETERS DAMoKos a £5£5000 BOND s'w.

ROWLANDS a LYDOR ie ane the Skin aoe Bottles Le <i YDUE, 34. etme Schon, Lent

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~— TEL, ICAL INGDOM TS 6 ? , ‘ 9 : 1 1 150 WOOL, 1S, Hil. ES, 3 6 d 6 &

Jung 9, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

“LE GRAND PRIX.” RAR AVES. (Poetry by Popjoy.) Wuen I was o yenneater, the fis the finest of fun Was to roam oop See with my gun, Knocking over cock-robins and omtits, Blowing thrushes and blackbirds and li eats @ bite. But at birds somewhat bigger I now have a Pigeon-shooting at blue-rocks let loose from a trap ; "TNs a pastime wherein a resonres may be found, ened is dort ect gag irds of trangers that visit our shore, Wheresoever f find th find ees I at and floor Hang the Wild Birds P; Act—that I defy | At as many as come in my way I’ve a shy. Golden Oriole, Ouzel, and Hoopoe Are exploits and achievements I boast of i If a Short-toed Lark ever should light on his way Close enough, dead he drops, to my choke-bore a prey. O St. James, at that Cormorant, come to thy Park, Had I only a ro *twould have been a rare lark, So to without making a bit of a bull, With sure aim, on the to have taken a pull! (| me fiend Selies mente Kent < ow ome, a triumph to or r keen -_“ fea en the clouds clouds, “3 with rifle to bring Down the soaring, scarce visitant, splendid Bird- King!

Osviovs Exratom.— At a political meeting, Lord Grorexs Hamiuron delivered a statement of the amount which the Government intended to expend annually in strengthening the Navy :— “This, he maintained, would keep us abreast of foreign nations.”” Has not a word been n the above quota- tion? ‘ Abreast?” Surel what tee noble Lord really did say must have been “‘ A

——

RECREATION GONE WRONG. (An Advertisement for the Censor.) |S hemmed done G@ ATTRACTION,

‘ SUICIDAL BALLOON ASCENT. y= Se em eye ASCENT.—This unique and ghastly ae pee rds of 200,000 nan wen iteesee mathe awe by upwards o vag od in the meantime not aterecieg) again to-morrow a hen the Champion Aéronaut will make his daring ascent hanging on fo a wire sus from the balloon by his eyelids. dhe & SUICIDAL BALLOON ASCENT, appealing | as it does to most brutal, and savage instincts of a large portion of the rght-ecing clase of the British Publio, is considered 8 fitting and attractive item in the programme of a great popular entertainment. HE SUICIDAL BALLOON ASCENT presents the ‘unquestion- able advan’ of placing the life of the performer in absolute and terrible j y: = ge Bae my ys — = on- ooking public oy. menos spectacle of an in- describably appalling and horrible death. HE SUICIDAL —e ASCENT is made without the slightest provision for any misadventure or accident. HE SUICIDAL BALLOON | ASCENT involves the performer, who loses nerve for a single moment, in utter destruction HE SUICIDAL BALLOON A ASCENT is the result of the com- of poor creatures anxious to create a onal at any no, and enabled todo it Chsongh the absence af st of ternal legisla- tion protecting them from the consequences of long temerity. HE SUICIDAL BALLOON ASCENT wil Rae if allowed too to continue with im 2 tp terminate in to pieces, to contemplate, of g human

Te SUICIDAL BALLOON ASCENT should, therefore, engage the attention of the Home Secretary— and the sooner the better.

“GOOD OLD GRACE!” [Playing for the Gentlemen the Australians last week, Mr. W. G. Grace scored an innings of 165 runs. Later in the week the Players of Engiand beat the Australians by 10 wickets.} Bravo, W.G.! ’Tis a very prompt answer To Punch’s of last week. One hundred and sixty-five runs! That’s the plan, Sir! The moral is not far to seek. You ’ve — — ¢ tre ae Feenis like winking, unch & Rela And now —_ should be more fanking or shrinking, Or failing in cockainn 4 or fi When that jt ¢ smart Cornstalks let fly at our stumps, ll they know how to let Ther isnot the lest need to be down i Think of Gracx, boys, and never say die i Before — had aot them, nana pod them all round, They really a bound But the Players—who w' ot them wer sg "ll be hat Geace after meet! By the thought A New Iyspreation.—One of the Spectator’s poets, with no sig- nature, in the number for May 26, wrote “The steadiest angel is a woman’s love.” Now we know there are good angels and bad angels but of the Jattes class the post is net, epaaiiag., Ai the ood =e ~ are there then some who are rather unsteady or ? robably knows; but the idea ef one angel being ier than veother ess GUE MMA & wile sangp ef possibilities which might account for a good many erratic movements. Of course all such beings are invisible to ordinary mortals, and only seen by the Spec- tator and his Inspired Poet. A Long Farewell. Mapame Nizssow has just commenced biddin ding ** farewell,” a ween she will finish cne cannot quite parting,” as SHAKSPEARE rays, is ‘such sweet sorrow ” (aad so says the lender to one who would borrow), t Nrtsson may say it again and again, And then may decide (be it so) to remain. Continue to sing while you can,—then, ma belle, ‘*One bumper at parting ”’—one brilliant farewell.

VOL, XCIV. AA

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-PONCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

{June 9, Less,

HOMELESS! ry pi SY) LV a < W/ “SBE x +A eA Da er~—— Old Masters. Oh, where shall we go to? Shey ol ool ws *Re-| iiitle of honour and glory of old m say is it loyal d say is it rati Leaving us and out in the oe aid P Young Marksmen. National also dub us, oh, Masters ! But now we’re driven to ream. We're used to cold water and snubs, but disasters Have now reached their climax ; we haven’t a home!

A DUET OF DESPONDENCY. (The National Purtrau Gallery, and the National Rifle Association, ace both seekiag a permanent place of rest.) Opes ‘ \ Sh a S aN \\ Dao X is " rae = be \\ , XK ; W ng fi * Or ES cS ] ‘1 H/o AS al i ; \y ie 44 ig? J» Old Masters. No, by Vawprxe and by Hoxaxy it’s shameful! - y a =| ee it is not right! Young Marks. By Ross an ACKsON those -wigs are blameful, J Who leave shots like them in so ae a plight! Ob, where shall we go to? They all call us National, Title of honour and glory of o Then say is it loyal, then say is it rational, Leaving us homeless and out in the cold?

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL the mt “aM basa 1’ " ( ‘A BLOCK!” Old Military Gent (yuriously). ‘Now, Mr. Punca, I onty ask you, Suir —(gasps)—‘‘1'Loox 't THa’, Saia! ABsH'LUTRLY TH’ EN-TIRE Pavem'Nr, Saar! WHeEsL Tax! "ONLY wish I way CuanceLLon o' TH’ Excorqg— {Rushes back home, and writes to the Times ! Old Masters, National? Nay, they must mean it as raillery, - — = the ae of the Nation on ‘0 or such portraits a permanen 3 Britons should blush at the pitiful tale. «al Young as - National P Nonsense! When Wimbledon shunts us, Richmond refuses and Epping derides, i a Royal Duke hunts us, £ with builders against us take sides. Old Masters. England love Art? Just conceive the reception Young Markanon: Patriot England? That's ali a decepti ‘ar. . Pa ’s all a deception, Or should we be singing thus, ‘* Driven from home” ? Chorus. Oh, where shall we go to? bp all call us “‘ National,” Title of honour and glory of old: Then say is it say is it rational, Leaving us and out in the cold? SLOW AND SHAW, AND YET UNCERTAIN! (The Story of a Shadow that should not end in Smoke.) Mx. Poncu was greatly pleased with all he had seen. He had been to the head of the Fire Brigade on the south side of the found everyone on the alert. The horses were ; the fireplaces under the boilers filled with fue a match to set them alight; the men dressed -~! the ‘ fire-esecape with its attendant, able to proceed at a pest requiring immediate succour. The signal-posts, wor! er. Excellent!” cndeinel Mr. Punch. “ The system seems to be edmirable |” And as he spoke, six o’clock struck, and some of the firemen got up, and to go out. unch, An alarm P” queried Mr, ** No, Sir,” replied one of the Brigade; ‘‘ we are off to help to take the ercapes back to their morning quarters.” ** Morning quarters ?”’ “To be sure. After six o’clock we presume that they will be no further needed for immediate use, so we wheel them back to their a They are rather heavy, so some of our men are sent to help.” ** Rather rieky,” quoth Mr. Punch, gravely. ** Not much,” was the reply, as a number of firemen Suddenly there was a glure of red light. The smoke rose in the air, the flames made a crackling noise, and a huge pile of premises were well a-light ! A loud cry was raised for the fire-escapes. It was useless—the refuges had removed. Then the poor, Sightened inmates shouted for help. Onoe more a vain appeal! The firemen were most of them away, assisting in the removal of the escapes! Tide and time wait for no man—fire never fae on. eguinees; co She Sunes eae a5 -Ghate wae go help! Some died at once, others lingered but to die! “ How is this, Sir?” asked Mr. Punch, angrily. “Why were you not P ** Please, Sir,” explained the Chief, ‘‘ it is not our fault—look at the time,” and he pointed to a clock. The hands stood at half- six. ** Not your fault!” echoed Mr. Punch, once more _wvy a “No, Sir. You see it is nearly seven; and it’s against the regu- lations for a fire to break out siz o'clock!” * This must be looked into!” cried Mr. Punch. And it must ! Szrcvra.—Madame Scuvumany, in a safe position ’twixt Sword and Pen, may be seen in this month’s Men and Women of the Day, where Messrs. Bakeavup have sandwiched her between Lord Wot- SELEY and Mr. Brsanrt.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. THE “PLEASURE H Mr. Biessy ts oxnperep Hose Exercise, “‘Walcd WILL TAKE HIM OUT OF HimsELy.” HavixG sgcURED ‘a pervect GentTLemMan’s 'Oss, Sg, WITH FINE ACTION,” HE MAKES HIS way To THE Park. HE FINDS THAT HE Is TAKEN OUT OF HIMSELF; AS THE Horse ABSOREBS HIS ENTIRE ATTEN TION. His ATTENTION I8 SOMEWH OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. Iy auswer to numerous anxious in- quiries as to why I have been so lon silent, I can only ee I have not a moment to spare for reading since I com- menced my book on the Derby. The pro- cess has cost me many sleepless nights and a considerable amount of ready Henceforth, I will read books, not make them. I have now on my library table The British Army, which, of course, must be reviewed; The French Stage in the Eighteenth Century, by Monsieur Frtpknic Hawks, uncommonly inte- resting, no doubt ; History of the People of Jerael—in the 60 per century; wenty-five Years in a Waggon, which sounds monotonous, and s 4 series of “A Week in a Hansom,” ** F.urteen Minutes in a Growler,” ** A Fortnight in a Fly,” and so forth. The title of The Chronicles of Bow Street Police Court, by Pracy FrirzeeRa.p, is omising, though I do not remember ving often come across his name in the police reports. There are some cases, how- ever, which are taken early, and do not find their way into the daily journals‘ _ which dismiss them summarily with the usual line, “ After the ordinary night-charges had been di of, &e., &e.” If there are many 8 sensations in it, Mr. FrrzexnaLp would do well to give it a second title, *‘ Fitz and Starts.” Mr. 8 lenti Religun, must - Oli - = a Miser = is the only one I’ve a get through since reading light and {Ke Robert Elsmere, but it does not represent Mr. Faroron at hi and he will, I soon give us another which will make novel sit La opeson BuRNETT’s i charming at Miss Minchin’ s, I’ve For Eprrua’s Burglar I own I do not care ; it is forced, but it makes THe Park Gates. Mosr Little first, is book as I was of the latter. me thorough! pepetet Mr, Vice-Vensa-Gururie’s Burglar Bill, which is one of best among I his subjects can do no more than mention these names, A Wanderer’ s Notes, by Bratry-Kuveston, whose Correspondent here, there, and ) at a moment’s notice, must be that '' Wanders will never cease.” Which reminds me that havin wandered as far as Kingston, 1 must come back again, and sign m Yours as % The Sheives, Suhaved, aes Baron pve Boox- Worms. ‘* THEY REALLY OUGHT TO PUT DOWN MORE SAND AT | MORE ‘TAKEN OUT OF HIMSELF” THAN EVER. 0 motto, as Bpecial| ORSE” IN LONDON, AT DIsTRACrED. ‘‘ WHY ON EARTH DON'T THE POLICE STOP THE Trarric!” HE EXCLAIMS TO HIMSELF. THE BRITISH OLLENDORFY. A Military Exercise for Special English Study. Have the new rifle of the neigh- bour P—No; bat I have the old gun and the corkserew bayonet. Then you have the gun of your father? Yes, f tees it (je /’ai), and also the howitzer of my grandfather. Who has the newest gun and the best powder ?—The Frenchman has the est gun and the best have the promise of a future report on the subject from a Committee of experi- enced scientific experts. _ Is the Volunteer provided by the Authorities with the suitable equipment for rendering him an effective soldier f No; but he is in the proud position of on all public occasions being reminded of the fact that he has the very best wishes of the Duke of CamBRiper. — . Will he then be enabled still to enjoy the benefits of his convenient Rifle Range in the vicinity of the Metropolis? _ No; but the Dake will be in a position to make a pretty penny (joliment son affaire) by dealing on advantageous terms with his private property. Is the country possessed of any scheme of organisation that would able it to put two entire Army Corps in the field on a sudden | emergency ? AS des | No; but it has the outline of a — for sepeiiantog cart-horses, carefully put away in a pigeon-hole at the War Office. | Will the 180 swift-steaming cruisers deemed necessary for the pro- tection of our commerce, be forthcoming when required ? ; | No, they will not ir place will be supplied by the opti- DANGEROUS!” says Bigsby Lord Georcr Hamrxron, furnished from time to | time in the Daily Papers. : igh Are these some of the defences for which the country has paid its | millions, and upon which it relied for ite safety? ‘ Yes ; for these are the five comic i unprovided with guns, that the Admiralty has turned out as a substi ! Does Jonw BULL ae object to speneies : but their mistic utterances of ending himself, i Jouw Butt Saas in toe endi i can purchase nei’ ships, nor nor barracks, nor anything else whatever at Has he, then, neither Army nor Navy ? nor transport, nor guns, useful for the purpose. No; he has neither Army nor Navy, but he has a Royal Commis- sion and several voluminous Blue Books.

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' em) oe o-o 7-2 eo > rh Jons 9, 1888,] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. | | intended to convey symbolically a moral before the Derby. Beware | unities. How dag y Avaustus introduce WEBER’s music into Mozart's ppt thei and NOTES. Old times revived. OPERATIC Saturday, May tion, Pope alee 1 rgnettes in + % ‘ ” Fops’ Alley was up the and down elder! becoming quite nervous on a subscribers’ night if a po pg nf mney *"Madame ALBANT, as the Seatiet Aananive So Bo Nowe 2 Sve, in superb voice. Countess not $ eopt eet; wi (strenu. culp ansered but mst takaph and © of a sna Miss Extra Russert modern | young Cherubino to | the House of Commons ever want to selves, Mr. Hanny Lawson or Mr. Boss them, make a first-rate Cherubino. Neither of fi fe a Hi ay al pétillante ee = but, as ym each would loo act it. House 7 y appreciates ARNoLDson. RavELli at Count we * much, and scores acchordingly. Choruses capi- tal. AveustTus DRURIOLANUS ex self in the d Act with a kind of Kate yy Vaughan ballet. Ballet of Black- legs. Evidently ly Ha Dy Dance of Blacklegs in Not see de Figger O ! of black gs and gam Austere critics raging wildly about the Opera? ** Sic volo, heat 9} ” replies DRURIOLANUS ; and the public who appreciate the ity of Avavstvs in giving them Weser when they "do only melided praerity of land vehement! ome the Curtain descends on a triumphant finale of Wozart-cum- onday.—Minwie Havk as Carmen Clow’ clever !), with Miss McIntyre as the i deg ay simple maiden. Glad puir Scotch lassie has recovered from lassitude which prevented her from singing in Dom Choco Ravetzi as Don José, a con- siderable oerenaitl on poor “ RAVELLI grows on you ; he doesn’t grow any taller, both Muyniz and Macky—meaning Havxk and Miss McIwryRe—have the advantage of him in height. Saturday.—Ii Trovatore. by its name, Z/ Trove a Tory, ought to be a favourite Opera wi! CHaPLini, Count Carlo ome Pe Italian Or; Com- mittee. J! Trovatore himself was excellently Well Trovatore, again. Fat Ava nit cei se Sree DIARY OF A NOBODY. April 14.—S8pent the whole of the afternoon in the garden, having this morning picked up at a bookstall for fivepence a capital little tion on Gardening. I procured and sowed of a joke, and call out Canaan. Gl . RIE came esty said, “‘I have just discovered we have got a -house.” She ‘How do you mean?” I . ime, but house,” Sts the crealag was'mpent g. Phy gry mm pg Finaley, and brourit or ae ees a walk Hanne Srrtteproox. We footer except SrrLLBRooK, who was always a few yards a ehieed as us stick. As it of the gate sid. oy from?” I theta He Coeds tal tis cam. cul Manel it es ance, turned back for a moment, when I saw SriiusR0oKx, closely followed b Cummines and Gowmne, make for the entrance. I watched them an thought I would nave 6 gees h at their expense. I heard the porter say, *‘ Where from?” to my surprise, in fact disgust, Srruie200K replied ‘‘ Blackheath,” and the three were imme- diately admi Gowrne called to me said, ‘* We shan’t be a minute.” I waited for them the part of an hour. When they appeared they were all in most excellent spirits, and the only one who made an effort to apologise was Mr. Sritt- BROOK, who said to me, “ It was v h on you to be ke ing, but we had another spin for 5.” I walked e in 4 $ 4 B. silence. I couldn’t speak to sy I felt very dull all the evening, but deemed it advisable not to say anything to Carnie about the matter. April 16.—After business set to work in the garden. When it got dark | wrote to Cummines and Gowrye (who Yaather called, for a wonder ; perhaps re | were ashamed of themselves) about yester- ER, | day’s adventure at the “Cow and Hedge.” Afterwards made up my mind not to write yet. April 17,—Thought I yom A write a kind little note to Gowrne and Cummines about last Sunday, and warning them against Mr. Srittproox. Afterwards, the matter over, tore up the letters, and determined not to write at all, but to speak quietly to iss|them. Dumfounded at recei a sharp letter from CumMines, saying that both he and Gowine i been waiting of my (mind you, MY) thought conduct ae i At last I wrote, ‘I t I was the but as I freely forgive you, you, bestow forgiveness on me, if have being sung in first-rate ee ie aie RAVELLI, who received an enthusiastic and ~deserved ovation. As a working tenor, Signor reat 4 is eclestie, for, Bes to to-night, and since copied diary, because I think it is one of sted the | sentences I have ever written. heart I felt I was actually apo the early retirement of M. pz Runs, —who must have been a native flat country,—there has not been a single Opera, as far as Pewee Le Reliable has not of a very I am aware, in which and | out for a bottle of — Fell eee in the won his way with an appreciati blic. Then there is little Mile. BAUVERMEISTER the Benovelaad, ° who seems to delight in ny ee work, and who, in the ré/e of confidante to the soprano, is so deeply sympathetic and so strictly attentive to bone © that, whether she appears as a done ead te in Carmen, » prong and rightly, or as the confidante or as a mi Danek ta lady in wait- ing in some Pmy tA PAM and demure, or as a genuinely wicked old Dame Martha-in Faust, it is always a pleasure to see ret and -y dramatic ere ‘o insure success, no| Mer April 18.—Am in for a cold. “id Spent the whole day at the office sneezing. In the evening, the being roe le, sent ——— arm-chair, woke with the shivers. by a loud knock at the’ — good|door, Carriz awfully flurried. Sank still out, so went up, opened the door, and found it was only Communes. a the grocer’s boy had seain broken the side-bell. Cummrnas une my hand, and sai oe ee Se All right. y no more about it.” "Thre i is no doubt cong one bette under the impression I have apologised. While playi with Communes in the parlour, he said, “By the bye, "eae o ony wine ox spite | pay iskey, four years in bottle, at thirt . is worth your

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

hh OY "94 ed Ri aK. “< = SS, ‘onna #Y,; —_ ot «IL NOAA SAAVM-OL EMOO'! I WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH OUR GIRLS P (THEIR PERVERSENESS.) Paterfamilias, R A., R.WS , &c., dc. ‘‘ TARR YOU GO, AS USUAL, STRUMMING AWAY ON THAT ABOMINABLE INSTRUMENT INSTEAD or Paintine ! Prorue TELL ME you caw Puar AND Sine Like A Proresstonat NicoER ; AND YET, WITH ALL MY CARE, YOU CANT EVEN MAK A DECENT Cory oF A Piasi Ee Cast!” Yonstance. “‘ Au! DEAR Para, IF YOU'D ALWAYS DISCOURAGED MY PAINTING AS MUCH AS YOU "VE ALWAYS DISCOURAGED MY Music, 8Y THIS TivE 1 SHOULD Paint ALMOST AS WELL AS YoU pO!”

“OomoOg "st ini < Bung. Ab! but how about Toilers and Spinners,—and Ransom ? NEW FRIENDS; — BUNG AND BRUM. ram. Oh, you wait awhile, my goed trtend, cad yon "love. ut, as touching yourse wo o the t andsome, — Well, come this is hearty! I do like —— Circumstances hove chanel and not JosEra. ropping in for « glass in t ey Rung (winking). I’m fly! ong, 5 Teaith, may do or, oe coe Sent Brum. Well, | looks, Bure, towards you! B Thanks! A precious deal more, Sir, than some parties wish ; Bung (with a grateful sm ile}. I ketches your h’eye! "Tat old hard ’ua, at Ha’rden, for instanoe,—oonfound him! Brom. I's m for Equity, Bowe, Law is all v Brum. Oh, he’s past praying for. kettle of fish , the Irish, use t hey are rebels al He'd make of your business. You always have found him Bat - loyal fellows like yom, land ord mine, Your enemy, Bure. He will smash you,—or try. I shan’t leave a prey | mps and red- Bat—ZJ looks towards you! oS B Ooray! Law be ji ht sy You area Bung (winking). I ketches your h’eye! a fere’s Hleq equit ow ‘hich that means ; Nice little place this, Lots o’ trade, I suppose ? D Aven ah bei thes aaht ont, if it's it’s done by the Nation Bung. Well, I don’t do so bad, though I say it as shouldn’t. Pate Ma i eli a" —. Brum. But, robbed of rae licence, you'd just have to close, — pegheey a he h the fi » that’s all. 1 presume. Woulda’t make it pay then? ary (indignant! Bir, I couldo’t. A nastier, a bit of black spite 2 ~~ a Radical couldn’t have hit on. . rum ) Precisely. Bat then there are Rads, Bune, and Rads. Bung. (knowingly). mah you ’re right. ung. With Rads, Sir, like you, I can get along Brum. Yes, yes; I'm a A pe as you 'li prove, vig you try. “Tue Covnsz or Trxs.”—There should be a new Derby Day I luoks, Bune, to . version of Potrox’s Poem by Sir Jomn Bewwerr, who, judging by Bung. I ketches your h’eye! his appearance at Epsom last Wednesday, te x a match against ime, @ winn it y ° me ven him 4 et mm eee dy wriskle or two-fes oot ob, hocte doceri—bat Bir Tous fs quite up to Wested Interests was things as you once used to frown on ; Time. Good Knight, Sir Joux. But there, you’ ve improved, and you now know wot’s wot, Bir. Brum. improved? Ohdsarno! There’s no change, Bone, in me. “Tue Guost or an Ancument.”’—Immaterial to the issue. iHAN.H BHA EHHOLVO I “HIB. ol

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Jone 9, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 273

IPRIVATE VIEWS OF ACADEMY PICTURES. DOMESTIC MELODIES ; On, Sones or Sunse ann Senriment. By Sancho Preston Panza. VI.—On THe Rucurrr or A PuorooRarn. Anno is my hair as thin as that, And feet so big. slumbrous| pig? ie ami wherewith I thought with wreath d fol fraught this insensn ony ” oun ota cots the dance, I seek the and fair, ox, oe confiding glance, Whil ee ll e rent Like mingled Lory, * Is this Rr dnb like me ?” And conscience cries, ‘‘ It is!” Ah! Oe eames,

Mad. “Iii strike you with a ing up the stream crystals fleck feather.”” Fan-cy portrait. A a Hed Ss _ with feathery om, A snowball bursts upon year see And makes you jump \. Or when the -trap is sprung Above pe ar doo’ Or when the chairless 8 weight is flung, Unchecked, upon Or like the strete door'e sudden slam, So is the shock 4 me . -., Contrasting what I No. 712. Heavy Washing Day. Nos. 226 and 231. With what I hoped to a Rabbits (to one another). “Don’t be | frightened. e isn’t a real ioe. or anything SS like it. The dear discomforts of the dance, . ic The fancied fondness of a glance, False smiles and doubtfal tresses. Henceforth I spurn the worldling-crew, Renounce my cousin Mazer, And yield myeelt heart-whole unto The pleasures of the table.

One Deorex Berrer.—'' Beg your par- | | don— Grant your Grace’’—the ten dissen- tients haven't d his pardon, but the ipapalliaaae eo * Take the latter sentences of the Cryptogram. “‘ The — > ll erby 7 — cannot tia in the oe. a I oe = another —_ You Grand Old Oracle! I drink your joll health in °74| Dustic secret /acidl not darkly to reveal?” And there y Champagne, and I ‘ve taken care that aanabal a Tae Tallest opportasicy have “* Van Dieman , s Land, the third in the Der M Q. E. F.! 1 I of responding in the same splendid tipple. Your Cryptogramic Derby Was over cb cougiols a Tip” as this of Mr. Punc “Tip” was as clear as mud. I took it like a shot, and am a Twenty| But even this isnot all. The Cr tra sl DowNELLY Thousand-Pounder to-day in eahianandh “First here will, of course, be | says Bacon’s does—an elaborate arithmetical cypher. Here is a first at Epsom,” says the Tip ; the very. Sirst ph of Bacon’s contribution | specimen :— gives the name of “ the absolute Winner,” as the advertising humbugs have it. That paragraph hath eight sentences. “Put the first letter of the firet| The (1°7) ley (3°80) Winner (3°108) of (3°9) Kighty-eight words in ‘these « sentenees together—those first words being, As—Youth— | (3°89-90) is 38) A (6°1) Y (6°8) R (6°11) 8 (6°25) H (6°23) I (6'5) Racing—Sh tie Dery Winner of ab-sagrereT777 W vm have (6°37) E (69). ¢ name 0 inner 888— A yrshiri ! Wonderfu “ a ’ Yours Like Mr. Dowwetty, Mr. Punch means to “withhold the fall nae pare AM, que +6. Form. explanation” of this bracketed-dotted-hyphenated-mathematico- on dh deer oe on Se The Cryptogram is full myetie ogyher. Be ee te aedn ah Ger tonation to tips” from beginning to end. a ao ** Not | themselves. py oe attention to : the Crow flieth, but as the Swallow wheeleth,” says the mystic the significant ae ae ven in wetk's Crypiogram script. And‘ Beey beyes signe vane ag ee Put this and that together, | ‘ apn ened yousen eee Fe the scent of the v quarry by oT crotill farther on, ‘Boo me obvious herring-trails, suueiies ~*~ nindemecrncel oe me Hooray

Ls — 4. runner evidently ’ bears win- PUNcH.

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| man. | offered the benighted citizen either to take his purse or his life. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Jone 9, 1888, “THE OLO ORDER CHANGETH.” ‘Br THE BYE, “IT'LL Try, OR SOMBTHING,—AaS SHE ONLY ASKS HER CUsTowgRS!” I wish YoU WOULD Ger mz A CARD For THE DvucHEss oF | Beavmonaisss Dance?” Bor You'LL HAV8 TO GET A CosTUME FROM HER, OR A Bonner, METROPOLITAN MEMS. | before y when upon in broad ight and ‘‘settled’”’ by » | armed with s, whose 7 | tok oy * City Mimsionary ~ bis wife, and three murder— 0 ty ° e children by de escaped convict End. As there are two suspicious-looking men now coming lup the front steps, ++ with if and carrying |skeleton keys, per as well for us to go | out on the roof and yh after us h | the sky-light till they _ cupletet their survey of premises. Dear me! This is the twenty-seventh fresh clue that \the Police are said to have found to the murder in —" East Highbury since it was committed two days a ( t can hardly be said that the detectives have Fee no energy in connection with ‘‘the West Dalwich Flayi alive Case.” Why, only yesterday they arres = | maternal aunt and two of my cousins up from the country on the charge of being the persons wanted for the crime, land only released them after twenty-four a on bread-and-water in a dark cell, 1 the u t aseu- |rances of the Vicar of the the local Medical Man, and a firm of Solicitors, that they were really quite innocent, Between tip-cat and unarrested aseassins, a walk along the streets of London is as exciting an achieve- ment as a trip across the Dark tinent. I am sorry you do not ee 4A Botany Bay port, of extra quality, for which I gave sevenpence the half bottle, but I really cannot go into my zy eailar to get any other use I heard a very strange noise just now; and the "only question remaining is, whether it is the Manchester murderer, the two Canon ditto, or the unarrested members of the Regent's Park gang, who are down there. Taz Cuawyet Barer iy THE Are.—What sort of structure would be the most suitable for bridging over the “‘ Silver Streak” ?—The Pons Asinorum, SHUT, SESAME! (4 Fairy Story of the Regent's Park.) “So, Captain Rr,” said the Enchantress, “‘ you have had your sleep for a hundred years, and now you are quite awake ?” “Thank you, fair lady,” replied the Knignt of the Road, raising his feathered hat courteously, ‘that indeed [am. I do well remem- — a century ago here were the Mary le Bone Gardens—a “ap 2 t all round, and excellent for gentlemen of my profession. ¢ ose days there was no Wimpole Street—we only had Weibeck Mews; and as for Cavendish Square, it 4 hardly “ Your wish has been realised,” smiling ied ithe Enchantress. “Tt is 1888—the year after Her We ; ya = How different from a hundred years ago!” a the highway- ‘Then the roads were infested with robbers who courteously Thi are changed now!” ou can see for yourself,” replied the Enchantress, rather dryly. ~§ son euabencele * Open, !’ and the gates will yield me up.” Upon this the f fairy disappeared. “This is indeed pleasant,” said the reformed thief. ‘‘ How delightfal to ride in comfort and in this beautiful at peace | mow bag happy must be the inhabitants living in the neighbour He had got thus far in his solilogay, when" suddenly a rabble of | shouting jibing roughs ** Do you come from the Grove oy yelled one. ** Are you from the Deck ?” another. And then with one accord they fell upon him and tried to kill him ! Captain J 2 set spurs to his horse, and with great difficulty escaped yl iya ay away, ruffians of all kinds sprang up from every aaa and tried to step him. ‘Open, Sesame!” he cried | ‘ when he had distanced his pursuers, and immediately the Enchant- | ress reappeared befure him. ** Well,” she asked, “ what do you want with me?” “T never in my life saw anything more bratal—more barbarous! Prithee, ‘Shut, Sesame!’ Close the gates!’ **No; that charm won’t work,” sorrowfully explained the good fairy. The First Commissioner of Works has ordered the gates to epen ayy, ene he is more powerful than I. I cannot close them for you **Then let me sleep again. Perhaps a hundred years hence the state of the Regent’s Park may be better.’’ “ At any rate,” responded the alien Enchantress as she granted him his request, “whatever that change may be, it cannot make matters worse !”’ A REAL “ EMERGENCY MAN.” “One rescue was effected in a most praiseworthy manner by a labourer named Davrp Bucuanan, who ascended the ladder, but, finding it too short to reach the upper story, climbed at great personal risk to the window-aill, and from there handed down one of the girls.””.—“ Times” account of the disastrous fire in the Edgware Road. Tis a real relief, ’midst official unreadiness, To find an example of prompt pluck and steadiness. One man did not know how to fear or to fail | It lightens the gloom of that heart-chi Bravo, my brave “labourer”! Punch doffs his cap At the ia ur of love of this stout-hearted chap. There are few seeking fame at the mouth of the cannon Who show cooler courage than Davip Bucuanan ! “Tae Merny Wives” at Oxrorp.—The Sister University has fer ghee’ of Combetige in adenitting ladies to take parts in their pesiermenee, What do Hall and Magdalene say to such goings on between the U ergraduate Amateurs sud erry Wives,” which is evidently oy 8 nak ak hee * Frisky Matron ”? An admirer of the present French high-heelei —— on the stage says that there ought to be a Ladies Ladies’ Thespian Coll to be called Ali Heels, in contradistinction to Ali Souls ? ~~ oe ees Oo eee Oe a ee ee. Ry GS

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Joxe 2, 1883.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. 75 | ‘ Friday.—A sleepy ay Yesterday quite exhilara- ting, ee First deep in discussion of relations

noting which, ConyBEaRx naturally Business done.—Some Votes in Rest.

A REAL “RICHMOND GEM,” “ Bir Jonn Wurrraxse Exuis has completed the purchase of The Castle Hotel property from Mr. Tov-Huatsy. and has presented it to the tewn of Richmond, fer the preservation of the beautiful view of the River whieh the site commands.’’ Vide Daily Papers. Br Warrraxker es Is Mr, See Bou. Right sort Sir =< EL. ; his weal So, too, completely, ‘| Punchdrinkshis good health,

VOCES POPULI. AT A SENSATION BALLOON ASCENT. Scenz— Pleasure Grounds from which an Ascent is to be made. Crowd of Britis htseers discovered, struggling to get as close as ible to the Balloon. A Jaded Female (who carries the basket, and has been gazing at the Balloon with a face utterly devoid of ongecen, And is she going up in that thing ? Her Husband (who is always a trifle “ nasty” when he comes out to enjoy himself). Wodger ’spose she’s going up in—a steam-ingine ? The Female Aéronaut appears amidst frantic applause, and waits tll final arrangements are completed, A Morbid Sightseer. Fine woman, ain’t she? Looks a little pale, though. There’ a pas interest in pectng 8 "Tecafermned O° Cun yon toll man, Ble—lo the lady going ‘ 4 nenjor ou me oin auc J0Ke_al | wait te tape — ell-informed 8. there nothing pestion- lent new fe - a ! You see that bber pad a ¢ pom the House of Commons, Thursday, May 31.— House resumed after Whiteun re’s an india-rub at the en Baas fo Chak in. eemed health and vigour, whereat all it, and ahe takes hold of thet in her mouth, and is carried rejoice. Benches not evenmsywied. Most of the Sixth Form boys, including | up, hanging oe G. 0. M., extended the: Monday. on Treasury Bench crowded. py 8. med (ena. But I suppose she'll be Jackson’ lookin sand pe hk Aye oe ks he’ll "Il get a block of votes | tied on in Committee of Su —. % once in Committee, two Well-informed 8 Oh dear. no! Why, where on earth ition would the attraction be then ? we at et that he has said some- bandoned the Ww. ‘Moaneavn inquired thing rat subsides. moe A. Pgasz, not to be outdone, trots — that| Highly Respectable Briton (to his family), Well, I’d Ja Ja, Cape of penn, Rane eGete Mandly entirely forgotten there was any such performance as is the policy of Her Majesty’s Government | this going on, or I wouldn’t have + Pout I suppose, ae ee we may as P — said Pronxer. ‘‘ Reminds me of true They all suppose they “ as well—eh?”’ and do. Baronet, setiling himself com with Dizzy at Hughenden. Flt 4 A Pa etic he Spectator. may a wouldn’t be so mony comfortably after dinner, | looking on if was any harm in it, would there ? do you think of Giaperonx ?’” [Remains gazing uestioners. They mock themselves Second Ditto. It’s no use setting up io be beter than Old Morality oot for, Comes in| one’s neighbours. If Z don’t look on, others wil Remains

ga The Humorous’ Arry. 1 axteahineu et took with a sneezin fit up in rriet. alieresenstan but her teeth to old on by! Her Husband (with marital candor) I dunno bout your pa you’ve Bot jaw enough 2 she's i Ab geting ‘ae ow Se in a minute A Timid Giri. o, I can’t look—I must hide my eyes—it’s 80 a

| SBSESERe

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276 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (Jows 9, 1888, | ridiculous, Sanam Anwn—hiding to look—it ’s waste o’ money ! ing up himsei ). she’s Practical Mother. Don’t talk that Cheery &. (with oom =, if he . (witha courage, as were Don’t be alarmed, ’s really no danger—not to it! The vy yf i fem o and fainted. Loquacious 8. (with importance). see Man come down, I did. That's fifteen or sixteen year ago now—but I see him. He did fall clumsy, too. Come down any’ow—like this. — (LUustrates with gestures. The Morbid M. If you get up to any height at all, and then fall— why, it stands to reason (with a grim gusto) you smash like a hegg ! vious S, That’s true enough. I’ve ’eard of ’em in Cogan Bat they say you’re dead long afore you reac t m. The M. M.’Oosaysso? Not the ies themselves. ( Perceives with surprise, that he has said something entertaining, a oceeds to elaborate.) They ain’t in no condition to say, one way or the other. The Humorous’ Arry. Don't she take old on it, neither! there’s a grip for yer! "t care for my ’and to be where that pad is. od are ey waitin’ for now, eh? ey ’re takin’ their tea up in that bloomin’ car! (’ Arriet giggles responswwely. The M. M. Now’sthetime. If the balloon was to give a jerk—— Crowd. They’re off... . A-a-h-h! How she did shoot up, didn’t she ? "s got to look quite small already. They stare up, Y Ae pair agen, the pleasurable thrill of an entirely novel sensation. ‘ The Humorous’ Arry. ’Owd yer like to see me ’anging up there, "stead of ’er, eh, ’Annret? , ; [ Cynical Bystander, who does not appreciate’ ARRIES, considers privately that the exchange would be a highly beneficial arrangement for most parties concerned. The Crowd. You_can jest make her out still. Keeps her ’ands be’ind ’er, you see. It’s worth coming out for—I will say that much ! The Jaded Female, Poor thing! ; Her Husband. Pore thing ? Wodger tork sech rubbish for! Ain't she paid for it? I wish J got as well paid for ’arf an hour’s work. The Practical Mother (to Crying Child). There, there, Potty, what ’s the good o’ taking on now? If the lady do fall, she won't fall on top o' you / Cheery S. She must be at least a thousand feet above the earth now. You can only just see the balloon. ; Highly Respectable Briton (to his conscience), After all, it’s the courage and the—er—grace and skill of the thing one comes to see. The Morbid Man (turning away, with a feeling of slight depression). She won't —_ *s right enough. There ’s to look at any longer. I’m off! he Humorous’ Arry. As soon as she thinks no one’s a lookin’ at ’er, she’ll nip up into the car. She won’t keep on a bit longer than she can ’elp, I mit lay. I’m goin’ to ave a try for a coker-nut. — Dispersing Crowd. Well, 1 wouldn’t ha’ missed it for nothing. We mustn’t forget to look in the rs to see if she comes down. Patriotic Pleasure-Seeker. It y isa fine sight to see a people enjoying themselves in a simple natural way like this, in the open air. hen you think of me where the only notion of pleasure is a bull-fight—— His sense of supervority overpowers him. ROBERT'S SILWER WEDDIN IM. I’ve married bin for twenty-five long ears To fare LoowkksER, my own nw spowse, And tho’ life isn’t allers beer and skittels, ) 4 4, I’ve ne’er repented of my marridge wows. | A I looks around and hears the world’s wild ;!' _ rore, All trying of their best to appy bee, And allers pitys the old Bacheldore As has to set at home without no She! Spee as he’s bin and made sum money, | He | ere’s no fond Wife at tome to share | |B) his glee ; } Sa in as he don’t feel well, nor fanny, : ain’t no woice to make his misery ea. But if the Usband’s hed a fratefal day _ does he hasten ome to tell and downs, yu \life has prooved, quite free from banter, That singel bleseedness is full of frowns, And appy cupples wins it in a kanter! Rosperr. A MILITARY MATINEE. (By a Rank Civilian.) June 2.—Show called Trooping the Colours advertised for sharp. Parade Ground full. Performance doesn’t commence ti . 10°30. Our Only General a to = ey = ye Guards roug ing anxious. has happened ? Has a button come Commander-in-Chief’s uniform at last moment, and no needle and thread at hand? Has the civilian valet put out a costume for H.R.H. Prince ? Can’t the bearskin be found anywhere ? veral stout Warriors on horseback "© fgidein. Impossible to distinguish them —that is, more than they are, as, by their medals and gold trimmings, they are all sufficiently distinguished individuals already. Officer in front riding in stateliest manner on highly-trained steed. Suddenly, highly-trained steed starts back on seeing the soldiers, Stately Officer nearly turns a catherine-wheel over ¢ er’s head, Equanimity and equilibrium restored. Which is the Prince? Which is the Duke? From this distance whichever you like, + little dear, Everybody remarking distingui Officer in bright blue. Some- one says, ‘Oh, he’s a Blue ian.” Explanation gives general satisfaction for the moment. t are they going to do now ? _ 10°30.—Life Guards’ Band in full fig. fwhy “fig” ? fruitless inquiry this), with usual gold coats and j caps (why ‘‘ jockey eaps”’?), plays a snatch of National Anthem. Snatch is repeated at intervals. Air never played right throngh. Why? Don’t they know it by thistime? Lieutenant Daw Goprarr should see to this, or, if not Goprrer, at all events,one of the Military Musical Leaders, A propos of Band, lady inquires, ‘‘ Where is ‘the Saluting Bass’?” Never heard of instrument being ensployed in this manner. Point out to ber that the Band is only “ ” not “ string”: therefore neither Bass nor violoncello present : therefore no ‘‘ saluting Bass.” If **Saluting Bass” were here, there would also be a Bowing and Seraping Fiddle. She explains that she meant “‘ B.a.s.e” not it in this manner. If sarcastically **B.a.s.s.” Polite of her tos inclined, might have omitted the *‘B” in second word. Military ints out the ‘‘Saluting Base,” gentleman, a spectator on my right, which consists of H., R. H.’s, Fidld arshals, and such like, i I want to know where Having come here to see the colours are the colours. Don’t see them,—that is, not what J should call “colours.” Mili rson says, ‘‘ There! they’re going to fetch the colours now.” Soldiers march languidly across while Ba Lurner’s Hymn, or something like it out of the Hi: . to see several flagstaffs and flags that have braved a hun battle and the breeze. Oh, dearno. ‘‘ There are the colours,” says military friend, pointing. ‘‘ What those!” I exclaim, wn be bo officer of some sort holding something like a small pocket- cer- chief on the top of a stick. ‘‘ Yes,” answers military friend with pride, | **those are the colours.’’ Officer with pocket-handkerchief on stick and body of soldiers march languidly along, as if they had all been out late the night before (“‘ the night before the battle, Mother!”) and were very tired. Think they’ll all lie down presently and go to sleep. Same idea probably strikes Conductor of the Band, as he gives signal for — up lively air from Old Guard. AntTuur Ropents and Victory! All brisk again. Pipers in National Highland costume might now do a reel. They don’t, and all relapse again into solemnity, relieved occasionally by the snatches above-mentioned of the National Anthem. Then some gallant officer, mounted, rides into centre, and shouts something perfectly unintelligible. ‘‘ That’sall wrong,” mut- ters my military neighbour, discontentedly ; ‘‘ there’s no such word of command in the British Army.” Military man probably right, a whatever the command was, nobody moves, and no one takes any n0- tice of it. Crowd breaks up. Distinguished Warriors ride away slowly. The colours have been “‘ —_ ” Sie transit gloria Saturday morn- ing. Monotonous as a spectacle. Next time better entrust the manage- ment to Generalissimo Avcustus DrurtoLanvus assisted by HencLEn. G. 0. M. to G. Y. M. “ Ir is all moonshine, Gentlemen.’’—Mr. Gladstone to Excursionists d propo of the Irish policy of ** some persons at Birmingham.” Joz CHAMBERLAIN, my Jor C., Jon CHAMBERLAIN, my Jor C., When we were first acquent, We used to pull Your visage smug and shaven And some thought you "d sue- Filled me with much content. | ceed me, Joz, But now you’ve gone exceeding' When I had run my tether. wrong, | But now you call me trickster old, Your policy’s no go, | _“* Past praying for!” Oho! [7 It’s moonshine, and it makes me | Moonshine ! "T shall not ask your yers, | Jon ee my Jox! m a] Joe CHAMBERLAIN, my Jox. tc NOTICE. — Rejected Communications or Contributions, wleth.r MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any deseripticn, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

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“4 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jouwe 9, 1888 MEDAL, PARIS EXHIBITION, 1878. INAHAN’S = -r2 com LL ees VEOLESOME, WHISKY. PRIZE MEDAL, DUBLIN EXHIBITION, 1885, REAT TITCHFIELD STREET, LONDON, W. EXSHAW & G0.'S oz. in Cases as im ported. ty. | F414" 203, Regent Street, W. ILD VINTAGE PORTS. i, BE, WB, 7, Ee 8. JOHNSON & SONS, iTS-ON-DEARNE, YORKS. Est. A.D. 1799 MAIGNEN’S FILTRE RAPIDE. : ir al PURE WATER, Soot by Seen 4 aignen S ec Rapide.” UNFILTERED Ay - \ of cho- typhoid, and zgymotic Booty Fetes which wil remove from water all ase and metallic rities. Thirty Gold not t tered the water both quickly and i well, and was hb valued peaeeets -onerns V iscount of T our weley. —( Nile Exped: ) as. Sold by chemists and ironmongers every- from half a guinea upwards. Pamphiet free from GNEN’S “FILTRE RAPIDE” & “ANTI-CALGAIRE” CO., LTD. largest manufacturers of Filters in the World), $2, ST. MARY-AT-HILL, LONDON, E.G, RANSOMES’ LAWN MOWERS THE BEST in the WORLD. SILVER MEDALS Isrectiong Exhibition, , Liverpool, 1886. Jn all sizes, to suit every requirement. “NEW AUTOMATON,” “CHAIN AUTOMATON,” “NEW PARIS,” and NEW BANK CUTTER. “IW AUTOMATON” GARDEN ROLLERS. All Ma ar eee aie Carriage Paid. LSSOMES, SIMs a JEPTEziES, ‘LA. \Ipewich. UDA TERITAS HAIR RESTORER. For Twenty-Two Years acknowled, to superior to all other Hair Restorers. Most effectual, harmless, and permanent. NUDA VERITAS re- stores grey or faded hair prevents hair falling. NUDA VERITAS Tp causes growth on bald SUDA VERITAS fe sold im cases at 10s. 64. by renists, Perfumers, &c., from whom Circulars seat R. HOVENDEN & GONS, 3! and 2, ‘ Staset, W.,and 91—95, Cort Roap, E.C., (“SSS ——_—— TER F. HEERING'S PENHACEN GOLD MEDAL CHERRY BRANDY Gold Medal, a> ~ Paris, 1878. JOSEPH GILLOTT'S STEEL PENS| REDFERN, LADIES’ TAILOR, GOWNS COATS ULSTERS “The most noted firm of Ladies’ Tailors in the World, and, be it said, the most oviginal.’’—Vide Press. COWES, LONDON, EDINBURCH, PARIS, MEW YORK. CARR'S TAPES. FOR VENETIAN BLINDS. | ae a. oe ac. MANSIONS, 4c Tae feral CLARE, SUNNETT, £00., Lim., RATHBONE PLACE, W, Trave Mane ABSOLUTELY yo a poner Parloct Agent write we CevLos Tea Acenor, Tuawes Street Chamec eg penn UMBRELLAS. SAMUEL FOX & OO., Limited, have added to their celebrated frames decided improvements (protected by Letters Patent), which give increased Stability and greater Neatness to the Umbrella. SAMUEL FOX & CO., Limited, mannu- facture the Steel specially for all their frames, and are thus able to provide exceptional quality at a merely nominal price over inferior makes. SEVEN FIRST PRIZE MEDALS. HIGHEST A WARDS ar ALL INTERNATIONAL EXHIBITIONS, THE CELEBRATED WOLFF VIOLINS. HKest modern - —* finished. Highly recommended by Senor Prof, Wilheltal, @ivori, Leovhard, Polliteer, arr and many other great artists Int roduced in most of the Eu opean Conservatories and Orchestras. List Violins. Grand tone, ae of Testimonials and Prices post free at all Agents throughout the kingdom, and of W. KONIGSBERG & CO., 1 & 2, CHISWELL STREET, LONDON, E.C. Genuine Old Italian Violins, from £10 and upwards. ECORATE D a HOMES! The beauty of Stains of Stained Glass in every house ean be enjoyed by using M‘Caw, Stevenson & Orr’s Patent GLACIER WINDOW, DECORATION. It can be applied to any window by any wkhout previous experience in the use of the etieie. Invaluable where there are windows with disagreeable Write for Illustrated (300 Illustrations) and Semple, post free, One ing. from Manufac- turers, M’'CAW, STEVENSON & ORR, Linenhall Works, Belfast; or to Parmy & Co, Wholesale Agents, Holborn Viaduct, London. CORPULENGE. persons suffering from this burdensome eee state of the body, and even those = veloping tendencies thereto, should call to-day if possible, or write at once, for « treaties on the subject, just issued by Mr. CC. B. Marness, Consulting Medical Electrician. The book oman ADVICE HOW, rational and effective manner, without méort- ing either to drastio medicines, quack prescrip- tions, poisonous preparations, or starvation s OBESITY 1S CURED, “1, cont gratis & post-free on application to the MEDICAL BATTERY CO. Limited, 52, OXFORD STREET, Lonpon, W, Got produces the beautiuul netiy Colour so — edwired. Warranted eee be. 6d. and 0s. 64., of all Pe Chemists throughout the Wana. Agents ,R. Hoves- peux & Bons, 31 and 32, berners Street, London, W. HOPING COUGH —ROCHE's ‘Lhe celebrated efiectual cure without aa} Medicine. Wholesale Agents, W. Eowanns & Box, ui, Queena Victoria Street (formerly of @, St. Paul's Coureb- yard). Soild by most Chemists. rice és. per bottie, THE ONLY REMEDY FOR BAGGY KNEES. J HAMILTON ms ~ & 60.'S OF TAILORS, HOSIERS, &c. Petighes Walnut Clamps, Nickel Kod and +» Be. 64 Polished Birch Clamps, Bronze ditto 4s. Od, Pinin ditto ditto ditto oe -- aa. 4 Piain Kirch Clamps, Rode not jointed « Be. 64 to Cricketers and Lawn Tennis in Perverriwe flannel ousers FROM SHRINKING AITER BEING 8 WaeHED, TANT.—AVOID IMITATIONS, and inst JOHN HAMILTON & 6O,'s PATENT, each which is stamped with Name and Trade Mask If any diffeulty in obtining, or other Stretchers are ockom, to be tituted, send P.0.0. (wits extra ‘or a to the Makes 7, Pusu Lane, Loxpon, B.C. TORPID LIVER CARTERS) TTLE r ILA. They also relieve Dis tress from Darensia. Indigestion Hearty Eating. A per fect remed Dinzt ness, Neuw a, Drowel - mate, fe the Coated Tongue Vain in the —p and Haesvscne. ecu late the Bowe aan prevent € tion 7 easiest to take. Steen Coaren, nea ines. do not ripe or purge, but by their ng all tse them FEatablished Ss vd ; Pill of the United States. In phials at fe ie 1 bold by all Chemists, or semt by post SMALL PILL. SMALL DOSE. SMALL P2icz. Tilustrated Pamphict free. British Depot, 4, Holborn Viaduct, London, E.( LEA & PERRINS’ SAUCE. In consequence of Imitations of LEA & PERRIN®S SAUCE, wh ieh are calculated to deceive the Buvile, Lea & Pranias beg to draw attention to the fact that each bottle of the Original and Genuine WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE signature, thus— Leahrnig \Q * Bold Wholesale by the Proprietors, W = @ biackwett, London; and Export Retail by Dealers on Sonces —, the World. ESTABLISHED 1825. NEAVE'S FOO! FOR INFANTS, INVALIDS, AND THE AGED, REVOLVER, as pny to H.M. War Department. fovea 5 22 SEAS oy oo Vast Colt an Soe ua POCKET REVOL' 1 od tac eat sof beet quali ony "se Kevolvers are all nos the wor! ouas and eh A tus COLT’ rinmAnit Ge.,ie Pol eR, Londen, a.W, ])! }2 ic IS Food Se fa ic dic ee eae 4 Pep ences y

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Perr TT TTT Tree eee “eee eee Append PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jouxe 9, 1888. The GOLD MEDAL of the , Internationa! Health Eahibition, London, has been awarded for this Food: and it is recommended by the LANCET and the entire Medical Press. EXTRACT from yp INFAN LETTER —" The Infant en delicate. Our medical ordered Foor. The resus a shert was wonderfa). little fellow grew strong and 4 and is now in « thri BY ’ —in fact.’ the flower of flock BENGER’S FOOD is sold in in 64, te G4, ond & Pareeis Ss lnesaae i BSHEAD OTTS & (s. Paree & FB. Bewoss), at = hp phpbb pbb bpp pp pp pp hh hb Z NEW SUMMER DRESSES, STRAIGHT FROM THE WEAVER TO THE WEARER, fresh from the P P > 4 4 : 4 ‘ 4 : 4 4 , : 4 : 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 : 4 - . , , 4 4 : : 4 q 4 4 4 4 4 4 : : ‘ 4 4 ’ y , ’ ‘ 4 ‘ . : 4 ’ 4 . : ‘ : 4 ’ : 4 4 4 4 , 4 . AT LOOM PRICES. All in the latest Fashion, and woven in Wool; also the celebrated DARLINCTON CROSS-WARP SERCES AND COLD MEDAL MERINOES 4 CASHMERES, > Renowned for their Beautiful Appearance and Hard- > Wearing Qualities. These splendid goods are Sold > Direct to the Public ay the intervention of § } Wholesale Merchants, Drape Agents, or Middle 7 > purchaser. Probably no House in the Trade is showing $ S euch a wonderful variety of PLAIN and FANCY 4 > ZEPHYRS There are also WASHING PRINTS, 4 FANCY MUSLINS, BWI8S EMBROIDERED O©OS6- both Ladies’ and Gentlemen's wear. ANY LENGTH CUT, no matter how short —and any article not approved will be 3 phanged within seven days. All Parcels dec- Vered Carriage Paid to any Railway Station in Great Britain or Ireland. Wither Letter, Post Card, or a Six- penny Telegram will bring the Box of Patierns by next Post, and all orders executed same day as receive.!. HENRY PEASE & CO’S SUCCESSORS, ipinnersana’ THE MILLS, DARLINGTON, zz" len F Hanburys’ Castor Oil Tasteless. Pure. Active. Sold everywhere at 6d., l/, 1/9 & 3/. USED by HER MAJESTY’S SERVANTS. Gold Medals and Diplomas of Merit at ali Kzhibitions. Needham’s ao "=, Paste JOBEPH PIOKERING '& a SONS. SHEFFIEL Lowpow Orrick: &T. GEORGE'S HOUBE. BRASTCHEAP, Be. > men, all intermediate — —» ‘being given to the ¥ P : 4 S TUMES, TENNIS and BOATING COSTUMES for ¢) : : Bb bbb ty bp be bth bt bb te hb tt ne Dt te tt th he tt tt tt a ~~ lh il { Se a a i i i i i i i i Ni i i hh hh hh i hd «ape bas bir bi ih hhh Ahhh hh hhh be bbb bbb bbb bbb id Nila arn PEARS’ SOAP "My COMPLEXION is only |] 7.” as inna in thn it nn i cs sls were hee ed GUARANTEED PURE, CADBURY'S al ll i i iii i i hh hi hh hh ee COC O A GUARANTEED . (Regd. SOLUBLE. POPOV Serer TTT PRS r TTT Panter Wi Poni af Wisma ts ta ofan, os eae RS eae ay 8 eT soon, ooo, .

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Burglar Bill AND OTHER PIECES. BY THE AUTHOR OF “VICE VERSA.” “A book of genius in its own way. Some (of the pieces) are amasing in their clever- ness, and ali are extraordinarily sbiful— Past baat poe onto’ " “ Full of humour.”—SCOTSMAN. “ We don’t know whether the poetical pieces, or the introduction, remarks and stage-direc- tions, are the more side-splittingly funny; the more important point ts that ‘hey help each other out, & produce an artistic whole of irresistible comicality.”—MANCHEBTER EXAMINER. PRICE ONE SHILLING, at all the Booksellers’ and at the Railway Bookstalls, /) } 4 — \ Ml \ 9 “al + pit} 14 \) pf. « Ne , i) i i a iy jit | | il ‘ | \ i. “NK | ? h m ] | ae lea) ‘ o~ - —_ 7 x 5 ~ a, LS PS », Fn’ ) tag nies rat a ee Tot AY a DUS be VOL Yi es Fe. ! ) iI Wh soa rel ~~ ; y yl © ‘ \ “ali\ PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, “SONSd 33SNHL 30INd AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS. THE THAMES, by G. D. LESLIE, “ So life-like are the sketches, and so happily worded are the descriptive lines which amplify them, that in imagination one can enjoy the best bits of river scenery tn our own arm chair.”—MorRNING POST. “A pleasant record of some of the most pleasant stretches of the river.” —Fivevo. “As a boating guide it is greatly to be commended; it indicates all the most attractive R.A. Our River. 65 Illustrations. Royal 8vo, 12/6. stretches of scenery; it recalls the legends and historical memories of the past, as it is full of interesting reminiscences of the authors artist friends.” —SaTURDAY REVIEW. Post. Office an 2 Newenaner.!

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI —Jouwz 16, 1888. Now reaty, fep ®vo price One Shilling, PICTURES AT PLAY; Or, Dialogues of the Galleries. By TWO ART CRITICS. Diustrated by Hanar Pouwse. London: LONGMANS, GREEN, @ CO. Now ready, Vote 1, TI., and TT., ep po cemprenes in Light Quarte erly Vous, We, 64 cach THE HENRY IRVING SHAKESPEARE. Edited by Hewer Iavive ont Paawx A Manematt, and llustrated by Goapos Kaowns, BI ACKIE & 808 _@ OM Bailey. dition, revised, a, with incex, be STRUGGLES, FOR. LIFE —By a those hooks that we should ex pect to ind popu —Acapeut. “ The work is « library in a, ont ite vaiue beyond all price.”"—Cnxamtias Un W ite: & Nonoats, Hemrietta St ‘CovemsGaréen THE MATRIMONIAL HERALD AND FASHIONABLE MARRIAGE GAZETTE is the original and only recognised medium for High-Class Introductions The largest and most Matrimonial Agency in the World. 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BINDERS BEDFORD

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} keen and mu m. There in its we 1 der, edge 4 June 16, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARILI. 277 es ; | i ased = broads ini TYPICAL MODERN DEVELOPMENTS. A NOBLE LORD AND HIS BUTLER. SHORT AND SHARP. (Latest Style.) Scene—Scotland Yard. Prominent Member of the Clan-na-Gael ones aha d gang ed interviewing Chief of Detective Potent 24 Member. The top o’ the mornin’ to ye, Misther Inspec- tor. Ghure now yo didn’t expest to cos meek allF be fo Department. On the contrary, Mr. O’Biazen, I was advi your visit. i think ? Bedad, Sorr, it is. But with your four fel- lows a stickin’ to me like leeches wherever I it’s divil a bit of it can carry out, an well, ye won what I’ve got in this little tag bare (producing black hand-baghvand |. “iP to do with it ? of Department. Yes, that bag contains three pounds and a half of a. and you have gr it here with the intention of blowing w ese premises. I think perhaps, under the circum- steneast Ss will be cae tame keeping. (Takes it.) Prominent Member. Well, there now! Shure ye baffle me ne There seems just nothing for me to do but to be getting Chie of ment. I think. haps, that is about the best thing AE. Wel a cuulestaies to one you safe on board. Prominent j AR bg Ah! well, ,» now, I’m very much ° to ye. Good mornin’, Sorr! ‘ahes his leave, and is seen safe on board for New York, where he arrives in due course, to *‘ report progress.’ Arrnopriate.— Dr. FLEMING is said to have succeeded in roaring in horses. When he visits the Trish 1 Exhibition, the Fan have arranged to salute him with the air of ‘‘ Rory-no- More.” STRANGE CASE OF MERRIMANIA—COMPLETE CURE. Dear =. Ponca, As Merrimania is hibitions. a 2 ao Sah age zou to wih Re eroeeen’ alah ing A} weeks be ena ee evens © The ee we tion from the depths of al caclenahel assuredly f would Lehink you might ee ieee arl’s Court, mixed ation of belo fl : and the Conservatory attached to the 4 Albert Hall. But, lies on ool I would suggest ne should prepare y att evening féte at the wer Market at © at Covent nt Garden It will give you strength to bear your subsequent treatment.’ To hear was to obey; and pen ye A ang ale ry found myself in the midst of thousands and thousands of ers—lilies, Gevoiume, roses, and pansies. On its merits, an vio~- pretty sp he next m in higher 3 wy etka Itali Exhibition. omy > yo sy that the depressingly long ¥ — the en! gallery to the from the railway — trance, the immense ex-happy mantng-arenees ra Buffalo Brit, and the pean em Theatre, cit me’ Sotene 5 Crue got rsa Concert Halt end Theatre, di 0p wee of As I passed under seeming! endless arches of artificial , I became duller and duller felt my face path. longer with every Some of the exhibits, decidedly sobering effect, those of British manu- too, had a fi acture. I passed through a marquee costume of Neapolitan were giving rather a humorous entertainment, and entered the devoted to a ‘‘ wonderful per- formance” of “‘ Frarentxs Prawor's celebrated Italian Burattin’, o Marionettes.” There was a stage, with o proscantam sagsestive ** the Theatre Royal Bask Drawing Boom,” and a fall The lever du rideau was “a gorgeous representation taken from the os vent 8 called The _ t ‘“ > ’ ieguter Sue er procession of animals” down to the final which, agai (to fo the} ) * proved « truly marvellous whic ain ” come.” “Benal of ye were rather feeble about the legs, and many of the unfortunate victims preferred waltzing the exterminating waters with martes Vignes Tan gach So Shtempting to escape. owever, a whole, the performance was tai amusing, although I howe my doubts whether it would quite sui the Polytechnie, even in these days, when that once popular insti tation te given over to the Ful of the Young Men's Christian ion. The *‘ Magnificent Historico- ger te nora Gi aakihdns thatimects hed petsed od r © nove wi i uggested to me could be Art, Mr. and to lead thet valuable out this really excellent printa some Soon Dis. Sims's e bation which is cnet thinks Phat these gt pec Rp: acre ” Of course he will Fe ap Wine Hana, and aaa melodramas would be mg Se Mik A pom Saw ly peut iy Ge the Battin” I left the Italian Exhi- wie ed for a railway ticket “Tf you wish to go to the A re Deai eal the ale gate Pht because it wet po I may tell you, Sir, that it is closed => female Freemasons who are eas Royal Family.” an may be in ite future, it arned in time, I asked > ticket for The Irish O DT ee The grounds are « of brick and mortar, which the one of on watne 2 the cxhibite with the some bottles of at spiritions. The music of the caught Regiment and the Inning Fasileor ie not wildly rollicksome. Ten minutes of ry be ye reduced me to tears, and felt that my doctor’s experiment been succesefal. Yours weepingly, completed my cure. VOL. XCIv.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Jore 16, 1888. I —— —_ WSrionnonns \ WQEG{[OUE» | \\\ QW THE MODERN VENUS ATTIRED BY THE THREE DIS-GRACES. ppenes, esnovennena Shes compe te, have | been better and , . . ‘ . more hope: news from German tely. uestion now . Et wa? married—the Royal Germans, I mean | seems to be about The Diet and the Constitution. Surely Sir MonEut . Ditto. Don’teh ? Why, it was Prince Ezy, son of | Mackenzie’s advice will be sufficient on these two important points. the Hemprer, spliced to the Princess HinEEn. Costers’ Comments. A | “I rove old churches,” said Mrs. Ram. ‘‘Such curious figures Nuva Vexrras.—How cold a Non-betting Man must be! He | outside, and then the quaint gargles with the open mouths used for never “ has anything on” ! | rain water.”

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June 16, 1888,] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 279 THE MAGISTRATE’S SONG. THE cases were over, the Magistrate rose, Quite glad to be able to beat a retreat He held his handkerchief up to his nose, For the Dalston Court-house was not very And he sat him down in his private room ; But suddenly leaped again to his feet f With a scream And the Clerk jump up from his seat. The Solicitor paused i His Client Mapes uae Be wey; The *‘ Drunks and Disorderlies”’ sniggered and grinned, Then the Magistrate said, ‘‘I have known many Courts, But never until to-day Have I seen a judicial sanctum filled With—well, with creatures of prey!” ITALIANO IN KENSINGTONIO. Suggestion for Im is on a long pier, to convey passengers apiece from the District Railway Station to the steps of the — a7 — and y~ a is a weary walk. enterprising individual m make a fortune here with a tomoen or bath-chai ¥ atmospheric or electric rail. I went to see a rehearsal of Pranpi’s Marionettes on Tuesday, by tion. But though my visit was post- i erecting th “Could I for no courteous official though admitting me to a delicate , that he was ‘‘afraid I couldn’t see any of the to-day as they were all undressed.” Not for ids would | 9 ¢ a, and, having promised to come another as witnesses of the his spiritualistic reputation was founded. These provements Occasional Cor- respondent).—There ought to be euch «tram rg ho hone a -al, we were too soon for Signor Prawpi, who was hard at work i Theatre. th te? I asked, not relishing havi th e - g having come there | - rte . There was some hesitation ; a consultation between Signor Pranpi and two assistants, and then a informed me with a bashful air, as sweet. penny of the rs, or jinvita- interview are men- “SLIGHTLY MIXED.” a th ee pagers Mistress (to Maid, who has just received a Month's Notice), ‘ 1 woutp RATHER answers | NOT Give you a CHARACTER AT ALL. Bur IF YOU INSIST UPON IT, OF COURSE will be deeply interesting to all who either have not|! suau, TxL. THe TaurH AnouT made up their minds long ago on the subject, or are Home- sick of the whole thing. DermatTion o’ CHARACTER!” i You, Maid, "' Awp 1F You po, Ma’am, I SHALL SUTTINGLY BRING AN ACTION FOR JOHN BRIGHT. (Arn—“ John Brown.’’) We are glad you ’re on the mend, For you ’re every body’s : i And the troops of admirers still increase, oun Baieut! You’ve a fashion of your own, Which the English race has grown To bear with even when it does not please, Jouw Brieut! So when you’re well once more, A tory roar Will sound from every section of the State, Jouw Brieut! And each will brim his glass iot first-class Toa Who's as sturdy in his love as in his hate, Jouy Brieut! Sober Britons fly “like birds” To listen to your words OF Sary Seaqy, $f Meataly sonal end swest, onN Bricut! And they love your common sense, wy - Oa Joun Buieurt ROYAL PARES AND PLEASURE GARDENS. A propos of the first illustration of the leasures of a Pleasure Horse in London, which appeared in last week’s number, seve- ral Correspondents wish to know— First, If gravel is very expensive, because | the Authorities in charge of the Park are very sparing in the use of it in those most | jok Sngueuly slippery places, the Park Gate | crac entrances. ¥ Secondly. Who are ‘‘ the Authorities” who have the m ment of the Parks and of Kensington ? Is it the First Com- missioner, the Hon. Davin Rosert PLuwxet with “Groroz Rancer” of St. James's, Green and Hyde Parks, with the Police Com- missioners ? Thirdly. Can’t the Hon. D. R. Pronxer find, somewhere ag ee away in his office, plans for ri through | t Gardens, under shady trees, as in the Bois ey = And if he can’t, cannot “ the Dook ” them in his office of Ranger? If any difficulty, refer to former intelligent offici Mr. Su-w L-r-vre and B-erre M-tr-RD. Fourthly. What has become of the tan-ride right round t’s Park ? Who “ ranges” Regent’s Park? A tly no one, at present, e Roug Fifthly. (For Sir Charles Warren.) Have such Policemen as are stationed at the cor- ners of thoroughfares close to Park Gates, received strict orders that, on the appearance of anyone on horseback,—attempting to cross the road in order to enter the Park,—they themselves in cracking where he would be he wouldn’t be? Dvurine the stifling heat of real summer weather a fresh representative of Ayr, or a representative of fresh Ayr would be indeed welcome in the House of i #

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280 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Jowm 16, 1888, MUSIC OF THE PAST AND FUTURE. Santer is back again, fresher than ever. He came out strong at we. Commute Concert on last. SAaRASATE was in ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. Gtoally “by he ‘ ” as 2 hold. “What he had to do Counties. Hancovar sits for Derby; ampton. Never saw Evans till he met him on return from and hailed him Member for Southamp- ton. No more to do with his fortune than Mr. Pum- lechook had with Pip’s. But, all the same, insists upon effusively welcoming To-night stands at Bar, M aged - by hie, ember, softly stroking chin, and smiling to hi await- ing moment of triumph when Speaker shall call on new Member to advance to Table. All described long , as far back as when Great Expevcta- tions was written. No need of . Read straight Harcourt does ; shakes hands up floor of House amid th Evans always half a Das behind, "Fon my sul” sid Gone, long i tion, “I do believe Haxcovrt thinks {ork ton. Shouldn’t wonder to see him introduced to SpzaKEr.” short of that. Just remembered Evans when Oy After half a moment’s hesitation reluctantly right and resumed seat on Front Bench. Then House had oppor- tunity of seeing new Member, who speedily disappeared in obscurity of back benches. Business done.—Imperial Defence Bill in Committee. Tuesday.—T1™ Heaty’s tender heart touched by abject depression of House after six hours’ debate on what some Mem’ call the ee Ate in India, Thought he would stir them up a bit. e Esxinetow had Motion on paper ing copies of certain state- isle clhadcd to fe crane af eeccalnaan atine dak Cumin on ssion of Strangers. An in- ‘ nocent-looking proposal. Esruive- person. More un- ht up to Noted that Esriveron was not in si “ ere is the noble Lord?” Tr thundered. mf ** Please, Sir, I did,” piped Srvart Wortzey in trembli voice ; ** but I’ll never do it again.” ** Moved from Bench!” cried Tr, with sweep of extendedhand. ‘Ha! ha!” And Y all the Irish Members ried, Yppjz **Hal hal” and ConyBEare said, te. , ‘Hol ho!” Old Morality moved anxiously in his place; 4p waxiously in his place; made ,— ghastly a to smile. Tux's e acciden fell on ATToRNEY- « Please. Sir, 1 did.” ENERAL. Occurred tohim Atror- ase, WEE, : NEY-GENERAL is retained in forth- coming libel action, “‘O’DowwEtt against Times.” Putting this and that together, Esnmverton away, the Arrorney-Generat in his _ the Mace on the table, yesterday being penene one to-day uesday, what could be clearer? A plot! a wicked plot to defame the character of Irish Members. The Arrorwey-GENERAL was artfully using the House of Commons and hoodwinking that child of nature, Viscount Esrryeton, in order to obtain evidence on behalf of his employers in the libel case. “Could anything be clearer?” Tr asked, wieiies ot JosEPH Griuis, who sat watching him with ecstatic admi ; and all Members below shouted “‘No!” and Members above Gangway chuckled, and Members on Ministerial Benches stared, not understanding the matter a bit, half fearing there was i init. Prettiest sight of all, face of ArronnEY-GeNERAL; in rap indignant, l, angry, contemptuous, bed, and, y, unsuccessfully assuming feeble imitation look Dizzy used to put on when Big Ben clumsily girded at him. A most excellent piece of fooling, lifting Tox Hzaty at a bound to first rank of comedians. Business done.—C. D. Acts in India condemned. Tr Hzaty takes a rise out of ArrouNEY-GENERAL, _ Thursday.—Loxp-ApvocaTE inning to think life not worth os be says, “ Life would urable only for its Seoteh Members.” They have illogical and indefensible idea that Loxp- ApvocaTE is representative of Scotch Government; that want information on particular points, or have they may address him. = of course, all nonsense. On Monday not less than five Scotse-wha-hae combined to i to Lonp-Apvocatz. He just ceupged guar till questions reached second time, then coolly turned up and answered a wordy question. that if sovand-eo did together. To-night Huowrer, following on trail, put Seeing that so-and-so was so-and-so, an not ee] something might occur, would the Lorp-ApvocaTE see his way to'do so-and-so ? “No, Sir,” growled the Loxp-Apvocarz, half rising from the bench. Ribald Conservatives laughed at this snub. Huwrsr sat fora moment gasping for breath. Boots gallantly themselves behind him, him forward into front again. Hunter repeated question at greater length, with added solemnity. Resumed his seat. All eyes turned on Lonp-Apvocarz, Said never a word.

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or '),; = St‘ a i eh Jone 16, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 281 Presentl: and strolled his most familiar | circulation i Sas ” y_got up out, presenting ; a in the world. Just up frome my little place, Hall Bart, tof says; “always come up from ‘ Fact is, Tony,” he said, as we talked the matter over later, “ if paved Hatt, I have seen the Opera once this these Scotch fellows are to|season. He is depressed absence . GtapstowE, who begin to put my: Shad oe ( of, Me seassuped by th must be a tary Under | Conservative tone of Ireland Secretary for Scotland. i can’t have rene N ales treats itself Gladstona with a deference. rare of mors adjourn-| _Wednesday.—Crowded house. Dz Reszxé Bros., as Faust and 0. Wales mot Fae a aveland. | st De a canehial the ules toaster RO . . , after all. Motion to go into Com- steoag Dales, tao, eee alone ORDICA recei with mittee on Local Government Bill vociferous applause ; is encored also vociferously in that “ The .= vestries. Grevenee haere AS nee every exclaims ee ee iN ‘ ma ancor,”’ o = it dealt with in Bill, Sap- bering the of ladies, which does sound Giaperoxs, and, 9 i i i ate ERLAIN —_ Don’t like look of this,” said JEAN. Old Morality to Prowxer. ‘ water wears away the stone.” Bg at Re peroat, cts all on “Remember what Lord Duprey said of Canwwine’s Party in 1813? . dined fourteen and voted ¥ on The Lord Advocate’s attitude towards § py.igq .—Spent a cheerful morn- a Sesteh Mem ing sitting in Committee on Local I | J ‘our got gn “af lines ; Bill contains 4,360; Goscuen, making £ in dis- agreeable, going about Committee with conundrum: “If it takes re pass eighteen lines, how many days will it take to pass : ** No joke this!” Rircure says. But Joacum™ says he’s given up = joking. This a simple rule in arithmetic. So leave him to do it. - Business done.—Got under weigh with Local Government Bill. LZ dy. Madame Nordica supported by two Poles—not sticks. coteesterm, conan i ee Eee teow Kore e. BAUERMEISTER as ever ta, OPERATIC NOTES. oe ewe excellent entertainment. psitiiesaoiil Monday Night, June 4.—Grand performance of L’ Africaine with | _Thursday.—Don Giovanni again, with Lassatre as The Don, i i Prince and Princess of | Different, of course, from Tootx as The Don, but in some respects — splendid cast. Their Royal Highnesses the ates and Princesses present punctually and the house a brilliant |has the advantage over the latter. Tootx is rarely now seen in one. Madame Norpica as Selika, and M. Lassatze as Nelusko, | Itoolian O but if he were to appear, Fic Sion woulll be, of evnree, decidedly ‘‘ off colour,” as they don’t make these two characters any- the very part for him. thing like as black as they were originally inted. Both Se The timid Mclwrrne now plays Elvira. This Elvira is a size or and Nelusko ought toibe “kept dark.” The contrast between | so smaller than the Don’s other victim, Madame Fivuscn-Mani, Selika and fair Ines is impaired by this want of amony dye, | and thinner, though per! taller, than the uettish Zerlina- and much of the dramatic force of Se/ika’s performance is Arnoldson. This is better representing the "s attachments The De Reszxés play and sing the thorough artists | as being ‘‘all very fine and large.” Raveii the Reliable in it; of they are. Yet opera heavy, and what ought always to be a startler | course, and his song rapturously received. —the orchestral as ormance with which the Last Act| Friday.—The Nozze... which I did mot see. I did Nozze before. opens—takes nobody’s away, and is not encored. Disap-| Saturday.—Les yi 6 . House full, no standing room. pointment. The savages boardi the ship aren’t half savage | Chairs at a um. i y brilliant cast. Valentina would enough. Merely colourable imitations of savages. be Madame Norpica’s part, vocally and dramatically, were it That “artless thing,” Miss McInrrae, more artless than ever. not for her Marguerite and Carmen. Must compliment Exia Russei. Called before the curtain, she comes on loo ing utterly ised, as om her equestrian pordermenes. Can believe that this Queen much as to say, ‘* What on earth do for me for?” Loses | of Song, on horse is the sprightl of the Nozze di her way, walks over the ts on to Signor Mawcuvetia’s| Figaro! No doubt of 1s and in magnificent velee. A most impres- head, is prevented from taking is dangerous by Madame | sive Conte di San Bris is EpovaRD DE Reezxt. Enpovanp is “all Norpica, who hands her over to the care of JEAN DE &, who | there,” and there ’s a good lot of him. A gallant Raoul is the Polar in his turn convoys her to the 0-7» Sie ct tho frst base of“ The tod afterwards ine wainib ne traad Gost, end tarongh the win " umming - i when he composed the he a Yrisncne tt ae ee ee on ae tana without “but m ine. no-no!” : t instead of Russzxt, | huge basket of flowers. for two, handed up after Beoond Act, to be ing; Enza, ing. | shared by Norpica and Exua. The latter got it, and gave Norpica fair and frail Violetta, ALBANI frailer than Exza. Inja rose, Dare | A es Opera’s over. Who : former sent it? The K-ng of Sw-p-w? Mustn’t mention his may Little. D’ AmwpRapsz, name, as he is Incognito in the Royal Box, with either a Ret other heavy father ta 28; bine ribbon of the Garter or s Tease —— nonne, with telling ballad. i cousins, musi everything immensely, no back to supper i . Y ioe | pls Grand ital, wher he x naturally more at me than sn were as modern what a chance there would be Prentiss je ay mn ope vl a4 : ” i i a scene p wi ‘ In ~ meet the popular p hand arvtig of the largest | repeating. ES f

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“ It is no use shutting our eyes to the fact that the Parks take the place of drawing-rooms for a large part of the community and Mistresses are willing to provide a reception-room for the ‘ young men’ of their five or six maid-servants, the Parks must be their trysti le of the class to which I allude deserve as much protection from ‘ gangs of and therefore ought to be kept free of rowdyism. LONDON IDYLS. ‘'I~ Tae Guoamine, On, my Dariine!” Respectable young Until Masters -ground, men and women ’ as do the residents of our terraces.”"— Vide “ Penguin’s"’ Letter to the “ Times,” June 6. THE RED TAPE TANGLE. Ensnarep at last! Coil-caught, and hempen- shackled, He who the most tremendous odds has tackled In open jungle ; Enmeshed, he who defied all open foes, By lurking enemies who and glose, And blindly bungle! Brave sight! Poor Leo in a hopeless tangle Whilst his foes laugh, and false friends wildly wrangle. ’Tis little wonder If, folly-hampered when his need is sorest, The ings of the Lion through the forest like thunder. The forest-king in a rope- le shut ! So Gulliver was snared in Lilliput y Pigmy A hundred petty bonds will hold a Titan, And =7 whom battle’s thunders cannot ten Is tamed by cords. Out on the fumbling factions who have framed The clinging snare b hich stout Leo’ shamed bee sone pit ee Ts, ble spleen, rom patrict , sti to a no fall om the traitorous votaries of Rewline And thralls of Party. Oh! for some swift access of Sarason-strength To ee worse than withes! Then at Limb-free, stout Leo Would fiercely face his foes abroad, at home, And from the courage-quickened land would come A loud Laus Deo ! JAMES’S ABDICATION. Etchist, is no longer Pre- .A. He has retired from taken with him a follow- ty-three members. i y i public were in- | to him for novelty in the R.S.B ; also for the “velarium,” | multitude of sins. | OUR BOOKING OFFICE. THE Favesdropper, by Mr. James Payn, or, as the Author would say in a second title, * Paynful £. ences of a J, P.” somewhat novel idea of the book is that the writer becomes invisible, visits various and overhears of course all sorts of pleasant things about himself. The scene in the club is the best. Asan invisible practical joker, Mr. James Payy poem but consist- ently conveys the quality of invisibility to some of his jokes. We have his word for it that the jokes are there—as we have the word will | of our friend who sees a ghost—but we can’t we do see are Yours ever, Baron DE Boox- Worms. see them ou side-splitters. ves. Maxrive rr Hot vor THE SWEATERS. — Fashionable West-End Tailors, and Fashion- able Furniture Makers are accustomed trad charges brough evidence before the Sweating Unless the revelations are proved . from Totten-

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Juxe 16, 188%. Syiaw Sc THE RED-TAPE TANGLE.

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Jom 16, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL PRIVATE VIEWS OF ACADEMY PICTURES. ‘ =x \ ; eng, No. 227. Arrival of Performing Troupe, é/ a “ob |! eal Nos, 749 and 745. With Gun. Frightened by False Fire. THE DIARY OF A NOBODY. April 19.—Cummaunes called, bringing with him his friend Mzrton who is in the Wine Trade. He made q CaRRIE myself were struck with him immediately, and thoroughly of his sentiments. He leaned back in his chair and said, ** You must take me as I am,” and I replied, **‘ Yes—and you must take us as we are. We’re homely le, we are not Swells,” » “No, I can see oe and Nes roared with langhter, but Merton in a most y manner said to CuMMINGS, “T don’t think you quite d me. I intended to convey that our charming Host and Hostess were superior to the follies of fashion, and erred leading a simple and wholesome life ing about to two-penny- nny Tea-drinking afternoons, living above their incomes.” was erg Bgwes with t subject by *No, y, Mr. Merron, we don’t go into Society, ither of us cares for it; and what with the expense cabs there, and white gloves and white ties, &c., it Sriends, ‘‘My motto is ‘Few and that to Wine, “Little and sometimes ‘cheap and tasty —y ——— J nh! i oF oe - peepee SIX TO THE HALF-DOZEN, qi ion @ la Frang¢ ‘ Miogdeg-Departase of the Grand Army of the Leicester Square rom Paris, Tuesday.—Destruction of the British Fleet all over the world. Wednesday.—Bombardment of Folkestone and Margate, and sacking of Pegwell Bay. Thursday.—Battle of Southend. Hanging of “‘/e traitre Mon- signor le Lor Maire” in chains. Friday.—Execution of M. Coox and five hundred of his voyageurs, and attack on ‘*‘ Wauxall-Bridg-Rod.” Saturday.—Rejection of terms of agreement proposed by M. Avecustus Hangis, for entire French Army to open in the autumn of | in military piece at Drury Lane. Sunday.—Occupation of London by the French, and end of the British Empire. Invasion, English style. Monday.—War declared. Abandonment of Algeria and all her other Colonies by France. Tuesday.—The French Fleet knocked into a cocked hat every- where. Wednesday.—A French amy, of had = ae ig to effect a landing at ings, returned (unpaid) by sample post. Thursday.—Destruction of Marseille, Versuilles, Boulogne, i , Lyons, and several other important towns, by a regiment of British Militia. iday.—Immense success of General Boutancen (described as ‘just taken prisoner”) in his song at the Alhambra. The ** Marseillaise”’ cheered to the » Saturday.—Advance of the A.R. Division of Metropolitan Police, and arrest of the entire French Army. Sunday.—Ocoupation of Paris by the English, and end of the French nation. Tue Baron De Manpat-Garancy is said to be preparing a new besks, te, bo entitled The Irish Jaunting Car, as a sequel to ‘ Shay ly:

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THE LONDON CHARIVARL ——— [Jone 16, 1888, A NASTY ONE. Snarley. ‘'I sez you as spgenptne A Lot or Mowzy ON THAT LiITrLE PLAce or Yours in Surrey !” Snobley. ‘‘ Yes, I WANT TO MAKE THE PLAC@—A—THOROUGHLY FIT FOR A GENTLEMAN, DON TCHERKNOW |!” Snarley ‘‘ Ou, I suppose you megan To Ler ir?” en — OUR ONLY EVERYTHING, “Lord Worseiey is evidently delivering 4 series of Lectures on the Whole Duty of Man.” Daily News. Yes, Genius is a Great Gift ! Omniscience has its advantages ! A Man who can lecture on Thrift In a way which to match one would want Party Politics then give a turn, — negligent Whigs and slate cracked ories, Then tell us we’ve yet much to learn About people who toil in our factories : Who knows all about Man and his faults, Likewise about Woman and her vices, And makes most tremendous assaults Upon every one of the Services ; Who knows more about cannon than Krupp, And more about tactics than SALissury ; Who could make Mr. GLapsTonsE sit up, | And teach Law and politeness to Hats- BURY ; Who concerning Statistics is pert, ——- Lord Groree Haminton quiz- zical ; Who cau measure exactly our hurt Fromalack of thetraining that’s physical ; | Who knows = were running to . And what mollycoddling has made us all ; | Who’s certain ’tis indeed | For Germans and French to invade us all ; | Who knows—buat to tell half he knows — | About all things from Mayfair to Media, | Would take us from now to Time’s close, | And fill up a whole Cyclopsedia. | He, doubtless, the circle could square, He could, probably, soull the new Coracle ; (despair, He’s a chap who’d make Caicutoy A genuine Pocket (Book) Oracle ! What then? Since ection His physical, moral, and mental man, | Since he’s the true Jack of 8, | A Soldier, a Sage, and a Gentleman, | Our one Only General (that’s clear), Also our one only Particular ; If Engieed in safety would steer, And Joun Butt remain perpendicular, There is only one thing we’ve to do— Perch him on pre-eminence lonely, Dictator! We can’t go askew If we’ll only be ruled by The Only! From the Cracksman’s Circular. | ceedings are necessarily train from Portland, having murdered a warder or two and left early. | discharged. There were a number of friends to meet him. After making them thanked the a short speech, he adjourned with a select few to the B Sunday.— Hotel, where a recherché déjeuner was served. He left Hansom for the residence ot a friend en route for Paris. D short stay Mr. Writ14M Srxes visited the houses of ovanl weal merchants in the suburbs, and removed a i superfluous silver, gold, and valuable jewellery. The lot will be sold in a few days’ time at Metrer Moss's Lost Property due notice will be given in this journal and in the Police Gazette. ligence De At the request of his i Mr. Wit11aM sat for his photo- graph. One specimen copy he subsequently sent by TR Friday.—A said to be nly like Mr. Writtam Sixes MOVEMENTS OF MR. WILLIAM SIKES. | has beet envextell and is now io the cnttely of the police. .The pro- ily secret. — ike Mr. W 8 than’the Ma. Writ1aM Srxes arrived in London this morning by the 10 a.m. | éo er peeve Bie Mis. Wieetam anu He promised not to look so like W. Sixes again, and lice for the care they had taken of him. s Arms e man arrested y & private being confronted with the ph : his | like Mr. Srxzs at all. He was immediately dismissed with a caution. thy | A wire from Paris brings the intelligence that Mr. W. Srxes was amount of present A the pone dew ead ky distinguished French gentle- f oid | men, residing in the neig r’ Auction, of which (Unfortunately the news arrived too late for any member of the Inte partment to avail himself of it. | Due notice will be given of Mr. Sixes’s return to town. The other one has been cautioned and esterday has been discharged. On otograph it was ascertained that he wasn’t lost considerable sums of monet Messenger, as a present, to Sir Caartes Warren, and another je pemenely on the Chief of the Police ~~~ D Whi Mr. | W. Sixes conversed pleasantly for several minutes with chief constables on _- 4 a bidding them farewell, to the house of the friend with whom he was staying. some of the 4th of June. Mas. Ram went to see one of her little ** A pretty sight,” she said. drove back | there, as the fireworks quite reminded me of that wonderful scene on the Brocas,—in Faust, you know.” nephews at Eton on the ” Faese Mr. Invine was In the evening of next day the first burglary of the season (in| this neighbourhood) took place at the honed of is. > a > Aw Ho whose gold p te was left out on the side-board on the occasion of reception given by Mrs. Swossrneton to the Half-Crown Prince of Saxe-Harenss. morary Academical distinction was conferred on Mr. J. L. Toots as The Don last week. Humour. Surday Times, please copy. He is now a Fellow of—Infinite J . WritiaM Sixes, who is a collector of old jewellery and gold and silver plate, was attracted by the display, and was not contented until he had become the happy A very “Bic Bio possessor of some of the most id pieces in the set. | Scuwerwy (! /) D—.”—The Duxe of MECKLENBURG- ee

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os BES T&F || TAPES Joxz 16, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL OUR JAPANNERIES. No. 3. THE COMMONS CRICKET MATCH. Hawsom 18.—Quite sure of success will be ‘‘ The Shrewsbury and Talbot Cab and Noiseless Tyre Com ”"—s0 the World gives the short title—in ition to the shaky Hansoms of the gat, and of that. But where are the neat little Hansoms come out as Ss known as “‘ The Noiseless Tyre- matter of itures f “Sorry May’s passed,”’ said Mrs, Ram. eggs at dinner.” **No more plumber’s “Taz Tzacuers’ Guiip.”—There is a suggestion in this title of fp at tT ot 8 a . Among ers was . Maorv whose name no student of Dickens can ever come across withou being reminded of his Pickwicki ” who so amused his friends by signing his letters to them ‘* Avrzn- .” Sir P. M., however, did not amuse his friends on this occa sion, but he interested them. Mas. Ly a read out from a flatter peo Doe caused mmanuel College, Cogubeiie, falling- i Surrey.” —“ rf, ious!” exclaimed Rectory of Bletchington, % 4 bis Aunt, “‘I do hope no one was indoors at “the time! Was ‘any- hody hurt ?”

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288 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Jowm 16, 1888,

—$$____

LOST TO SIGHT. Come like shadows, so depart. The shady characters of Ariane went first, and then their caricatures followed after them. The - Z < A ‘ec ys "i - , " wes 7 z, 7 '

“ Small by de- and beau- tifully less.” injured ghosts claimed them, but mag omy | there was no sort of from the i sein te cocina Lanag inemadiiam, tie, a ot y oro , ’ last fond look at Miss Arnerton as Manrtvus seen through the wro end of a telescope. Though lost to sight to memory dear, an certainly a better company for this kind of skit does not exist in London. The Company might be known as ‘‘ The London Skittish.”

VOCES POPULI. (‘AT A WEDDING.) Scanz—Interior of Church. Wedding Guests ape and ex- changing airy recognitions as they settle down in their places. Brideomacde. in various states of self-consciousness, collected at door. Loud and sustained buzz of feminine whispering. Policeman, on guard at another door (to people with a mania for seeing complete gt tg pee Very sorry, ladies, but if you ’re not provided with ti . 1 can’t let you in. ; , - The People with a mania, &c. But this is a public place, isn’t it ? Policeman (not feeling competent to argue the point). Those are my orders. The People, §c., depart disconsolate. Verger (to Guests with pink tickets). Any of those seats there. “ Pink” Guests (attempting to pass a crimson rope which bars the central passage). We want to be near the altar—we can’t see here ! Verger (in a superior manner). The higher seats are set apart for parties with white tickets. “ Pink” Guests (to one another, indignantly). And after we'd sent that girl asalad-bowl, too! [ They 9 themselves in picking out “ White” Guests who ought properly to have been ‘* Pink,” remark that it is the most shamefully managed Wedding they ever saw, and recur bitterly at intervals to the salad-bowl. Mrs. Ripplebrook (who always comes early *‘ to see the people”’). Oh, there ’il be a tremendous crush, of course—they know everybody. Look, the Dz Lacy Vesrzs have just come in—what a pity it is that eldest girl has such a red nose—she’d be quite goodlooking without it!... There’s Nancresus DERCEED, you see him everywhere. (Bows and smiles at him afesioely) Horrid creature! And how fat he’s getting! Do you who that is? That’s Miss Manet Marcor, of the ‘‘ Proscenium,” you know,—looks ever so much older by daylight, doesn’t she? I suppose she’s not one of the bride's poy at . : Bags oe er t men, the bridegroom, I mean my dear, a perfect horror hears stories Ah, she’s coming now ; look themselves! That’s the brid — 't Best Man (in a whisper to Bridegroom). Pull yourself together, old chappie, you are looking so hippy ! : ’ ‘eel chippy, too. Fact is, those farewell suppers Bridegroom. 1 are a mistake—I’ll never give another. —_ e.! Rip . Be atts = dome to tat Sem. ’t you wish they ’d invent a new hymn weddings ‘m 80 tired of that “Eden” one. ‘There she is. I always think this is a solemn moment, don’t you? Can you see it’s silk or suéde gloves the bridesmaids are wearing? That’s cho's cn. They oor be @ , but he doesn’t count. Her mother’s behind, with the on hear she threw over poor young OLDeELo does that tiresome old Bi mumble so? I can’t hear a word. Housemaid, belonging to Bride's a (to Nurse). I wonder at that Louisa Jawe taking on to cry, when she only came Toosday fortnight! Now you and me have got some claim to cry.

The Nurse (loftily). Them kitchen-maids can’t be expected know their place, or what’s required of them ! " Iy THe VEsTRY. General congratulations, compliments, kisses, and signatures, Bridegroom (to Best Man). I say. dear boy, I look to you to square all these J you know. [ Which is his irreverent of designating the Bishop and his assistant clergymen. Iw CuurcH, DURING THE INTERVAL. Mrs. Ripplebrook. Very daring of them to be married in Ma: isn’t it ? fnew a girl who was married im May once—and the ver; first time they gave a dinner-party, her cook ee drunk soon after the salmon, and gave her warning before every ! dreadful wasn’t it? I suppose you’ll go on to the houseand wnthe presents? Do—I’m going. Oh, you’ve seen mine? It és handsome, isn’t it? x cone peing to gut hes anay an itinacy sae ate Stores—but that was when Secehs ae Se eae aes to be Mrs. OLDGLOvE. Ah, + the “. Welling — at Ss heme Shay comme? [ Bride and ridegroom pass slowly down central passage, re ing their frm at hazard; several are left unnoticed with thew elaborately prepared smile wasting its sweetness on the bride’s brothers. A young man, rather negligently dressed, who has been standing behind Mrs. RippLesRook, the whole time, forces his way to the front. The Y. M. (to himself). Bhe s see me—if she has the courage to meet my eye after her conduct ! The Bride, What, Mr. Otpetove? I’dno idea you were in town! We shall see you presently, I hope. [She passes on, leaving the Y. M. to think of all the scathing replies he might have made. An Old Maid (weeping in the Gallery ; she has got in as “the Bride- groom’s Aunt,” a character in which she attends every wedding), Poor young things !—to think of all the troubles before them ! Bridegroom’s Friends. Pretty wedding, wasn’t it ? Bride’s Friends. Not a pretty wedding, was it? In THE CARRIAGE. Bridegroom (finding the silence embarrassing). Hope they ’1l give us time enough to » bed and all that. Horrid bore if we missed our train and had to wait! Bride. Oh, if you are going to find everything a bore already ! Bridegroom. Well, isn’t it ? [ Silence returns, In tHe Drawine-Room. Presents laid out; Guests wandering round, keeping a furtive look-out for their own offerings, and feeling deeply incensed if they are not prominently displayed. Others consult the con- gratulatory telegrams as though they were of European interest. A Detective. noticeable by his sumptuous ey and his uneasy bearing, watches the jewellery. Shortsighted Old Gentieman riend of the Bride's) approaches, and, misled by Detective’s estal attere, takes him for the Bridegroom. The S. O. G. (with emotion). This is a great responsibility you have undertaken to-day, Sir. I hope you will be—ah—worth of: it. Det. ( professionally wen’, hank you; but it’s not time I’ve undertaken such a job, not by a very way. The 8. O. G. (moving off aghast). This is '—they can’t know! How many times, and where are they all now? Oh, some- one ought to speak to her mother! I would myself—only—— Goes in search of some cham . The Bride’s Mother (to Guest), 80 kind of you to remember my girl, and to send her that charming—(she suddenly forgets whether she is speaking to the donor of the nineteenth carriage-clock, or the Sifteenth fish-slice)—that charming—er—(mumble)— quite the pret- tiest—er—(mumble)—I ever saw. But you always have such taste. [Mild surprise of Guest, conscious of having presented, im despair, a plated toast-rack of unpretentious design. Mr. Oldglove (who has come on after all—bitterly, to the Bride). ;| All I can wish you, Mrs.—(choking)—Mrs. Pi_BERGixr, is that you may be as happy as—as P m9 deserve ! he Bride (sweetly). Thanks awfully. I’ve had said to me yet! (To ne rh | Oh, Mr. CasHixy, how am I tothank you?—that /ovely platewarmer! [Mr. 0. retires baffled, and contemplates committing suicide with a piece of wedding-cake. Iw THE CARRIAGE, The Bridegroom. Well, that’s over! That ’s the prettiest thing Bride (icily). 1 wish you would contrive not to so | i Bridegroom. When a fellow has about.a stone a half of rice down the back of his neck, it makes him rather restless. What are all the chappies staring at us for? I’m sure we don’t look as newly- married as all that / Bride erent. You would not notice such trifles; but Evia. really over my going-away dress. Bridegroom. No, eben T ’m hanged if it’s that / Bride. Perhaps you think you are attraction

? Bridegroom. Spotted it as we passed that window. I say—ér Aenean, 1m not joking—r I’m a Rnere ‘sa beast of a white satin slipper on the roof of brougham |! !

XP NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will there will be no in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule exception.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jumws 16, 1888, SOWeevaR's | WINES. | TINTARA, | BRANXTON BURGUNDY, | HIGHERCOMBE, ALLMAN‘'S WHISKEY BARDON pist Esfab. dist 1825 To be had at Clubs, Hotels, and Restaurants, and in casks of all Wholesale Wine and Merchants throughout United Kingdom and Colonies. ‘TEXSHAW & 6075 | £wW. Saat be. ‘Distilled SOLELY from the | ON MALT, “as ») ported 203, Reg. ent Street, W. LEN MVS: The PERFECTION of SCOTCH WHISKY. KINLOCH & CO., Back CHURCH Lanz, Lonpow, and all good Wine Merchants. Distilleries, FORT WILLIAM, N.B, RFECTLY DR. LAVILLE’S LIQUEUR. HARMLESS.) THE UNAILING SPECIFIC FOR CURE OF COUT & RHEUMATISM. One Bottle sufficient for two to three months’ treatment. PRICE 9s. EVERYWHERE. Or Free by Post (with the Pamphlet). ROBERTS & CO., 76, New Bond Street, London. CARLTON HIGHLAND MALT WHISKEY, ELEVEN YEARS OLD, GOLD MEDAL, CALCUTTA EXHIBITION, 1am. Sa, the Gall; 50s. the Doz, Caanisor Paw. Casn Outre. RICHD. MATHEWS & 60,, 24 and 25, Hart St., Bloomsbury, W.C., LATE OF ALBANY oT., B Agents for ts eat pt om A single bottle, as ¢ v to any address on tb O. tor’ COMPANY IX PR : . Ms Y L , 1 qin . as fine ned, Gah Eahibition, loss TH, FINE OLD IRISH ann be be had of the Wine Deal ry 4 upped & whole- i. aoa ry casks CORK D DISTILLERIES ‘COMPANY ORRISON'S ISLAN SWIFT'S SPECIFIC Preparation, containing eur), vi nO sub- ah sntress , B+ Skin : Poisoning have been Fe- Mrs. Sana’ or 9, Russell Street, Hyde Road, West , Beomorer, writes Ps 1 suffered yey 4 ns py c, which cate Beet ok by ift's zguitine i irs wi as wail aay ove and om foes wrath rai 8.8. wer all questions. nd bottle; Dry, 2s. é¢. ke Eig ta per r e, on ea) #- above price. La fiend for 7 : reeline on Blood « % kin Diseases. Posted free. THE SWIFT SPECIFIC COMPANY, %, SNOW HILL, LONDON, E.0. at Wm neers. & Pasi yard). re |NANS TANT A PuRELY VEGETABLE, Per % Aw Send ake ea st.,WG WRIGHT’ Cures Skin Diseases. COAL TAR rrccysants:" SOAP. SCIENCE appticp To BRACES. Vearicat Dasavour Dis Caosstace Baace. Oan Yo a = Ba. rH CROSSTREE PATENT ADJUSTING B R AC. E possesses DisTINCT spy all othe the MAPPIN & WEBB'S HOLLOW GROUND + SHEFFIELD uriescsrr.x- a o Lp deed Ene, —_ ee ai = RAZORS a a TEAMS GLOVES CLEARS fat BENZINE Fea COLLAS LEMOYaS TAR Sut PAiNT Chea __ FYROM LOTH ‘ac mee ie COLLAS— Toast) aes 64. hy 00 Kottle Saxoue & bom, 480, Oxford 8t., W. Indigestion, Constipation. DAHL’S xartacr'nittanr, DYSPEPSIA vac” OAKES, Or att Curuirs, Som: DAHL'S ACENGY, 41, MEAP, LONDON. ADAMS’S FURNITURE POLISH. THE OLDEST AND BEST. “ Tur Queze” (the Lady's Newspaper) “ feels no hesitation in recommending it.” Bold by Grocers, L , Ollmen, &c. Manufactory—-SHRPFIRLD. venrh ak for ny Di Draught of the Ordin othe “4 Pate me i paces It affords IMMENSE “COMPORT to the y ADAPTING Se rf read ly to EVERY ™ vi MENT of the P oun TRADE 0 COMPRESSION Lamp axp Warra, pune 3, 4 of the Crosstree hey are fae ty od J the best and most comfo: table we have ever worn.” Price from 2s. 64. (duplicave ad CROBETRE chea) P. ra Agents wanted whe ere not aves ty re pres MADE WITH BOILING WATER. aftr S CRATEFUL—COMFORTING. COCOA MADE WITH BOILING MILK, C. BRANDAUER & CO.’S CIRCULAR POINTED Write as smoothly 00 o te a lend pencil, and neither scratc! f 4 urt, the points = Pp NS by a new process. C.BRANDAUERSCS Wee oPENS Seven Prize Medals awarded. Assorted Samp! Box, 6d., or post free for7 sts mps from ©. Brandauer & Co.'s Pen Works, Birmingham. FOR DELICATE CHILDREN. SQUIRE'S CHEMICAL FOOD. A PHOSPHATIC FOOD. In Bottles, 2s., 3s. 64., and Gs. each of Chemists, Or by Parcel Post free direct from SQUIRE & SONS, Hea Maszert's Curmirrs 413, OXFORD STREET, LONDON, QLD VINTAGE PORTS. 1861, 1863, | 1865, 1868, 1870, 1872, &o. UARANTERD. 8. JOHNSON & SONS, WATH-ON-DEARNE, YORKS. Est. A.D. 1799 gp hecamearba mance efor; memati on nore a8

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jowe 16, 1888, PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. \ So so /, ~ | ~ . . \ : mi " ’ \\ X i a \ . AES \ . Pl a mnie) . ; WY VS Res ! } 4 sy ’ . " Wah x * , > , ‘ | \ | \ | N i) a) . ee " iN | \\ | f\ \\' \ \ } u anKs 10 — + “Poars Soap "My COMPLEXION is only | 7” Prints Wuomemacs hoe Leming pads ourey in he Fart ot Pb Mary; Satnetpmyin Sop atin gt be Frias tens of Maze, mene emer Ome Lemnart

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PRICE BY THE AUTH “ %) 4 book of genius in its own way. Some (of the pieces) are amazing in their 4 ae CP MVICE VERSA: cleverness, all ov extraordinarily skilful.”"—S1, JaMES'S GAZETTE. ONE SHILLING, - en i 3 of humour. 7 SOOTSMAN. eer “ These parodies of latter-day recitations are weil worth re-printing, Mr. Booksellers’ Anstey has a wild and sportive humour, which he uses to laughable effect,”— and at the MANCHESTER GUARDIAN. ‘* We don't know whether the poetical pieces, or the introduction, remarks and Rallway Bookatalls. AND OTHER PIECES. slage-directions, are the more funny.” —NANCHESTER EXAMINER. ~~ —_—" \ — Kersh Po \ Sy * 4

20i4ae 334uH1 7 esdesbeit watt test _ “SON3d ae Hr a y t. WH » a Q w z © Si O i > a Xv n . ‘, rw oa J - i > °, ! and { NINETY-FOURTH. —~— JUNE 23, ¢ a Cow FS - rib . Wh, ~~ ae ( ‘ ; tia ¢ L ae PEN 2 v Goes 4 NS | ie ® > ‘ X MH) <Q\S : CR { = __- ~~ « » ~S oS WZ i) K 3 PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS. ° ? The filling at the A pollinaris O 1 Na V 1 S Spring during the year 1887 son

amounted to 11,894,000 bottles.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL —Jums 23, 1888.

Wow reat Vo 1, and ITI., to te be com eted in ight ententy Vols, Me. 64. cack, THE HENRY IRVING SHAKESPEARE. Béited by Newar levrve and Pacwa A Menemacs, and [llestreted by (bos oow Kaewra, BLACKIE & SON, @, O14 Bailey. Thi dition, revieed, with im ex, bs STRUG }LES FOR LIFE —By WilLiisM KNIGHTON, LLD “One of these books that we shea d ex pect to Ged popular” —AGsDemr * work @ « brary in itecit, and ite ta we beyond all priece.”—Onaterias Union W itccame @ Nonoars, Henriette st Covent Varden, ———— TO STOUT PEOPLE. Sewpss Tree expe: —*" Mr. Ressell’s aim ie to PRadicaTe, to coms the (lsease, and that his treat- ment ie the true one seems beyond «!i doubt. The medicine he preecribes poms wor cowea, SUT BTILoe UF 4) © TONES TEE eveTeH.” recipe ené notes how to Ceperry (average red post free * stamps Y. 6. RUSSELL, Woburs Bouse, Store Street, Bedford Square, Londen, W.C. “OUR NEIGHBOURS.” PARTRIDGE & COOPER, THE” STATIONERS, 192, FLEET STREET. Tiicioaks INSURANCE PROTECTS

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RTS. 872, bs. 7S, D. 119 wics. Ons of Png lication. ; SON,

June 23, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 289

ROUND THE FIRST; OR, GETTING DOWN TO AVOID. Fragments of the Story of the Great Fight between the ‘* Pugnacious Pump,”(and ** Bung s Novice,” mip Fistiana’s old chronicles many a “ mill” is recorded, Walsh to the Corinthian pattane Uf baring soneh plesause efisedel; But seldom the swells Frest Rounp. “Bune’s Novics” “Going vowN TO AvorD.” W. H. Smith (the Bottle-holder). “ Certainly, Sir.” He has shown un and the knowing ones readily backed him. straight mt an ar- expected form, ™ ae iat other,” ard on’? “when our Novice has met him and whacked The “ acious Pump” was a big ‘un, geting soft, so men muttered, And £ and stale; so’twas thought the unfluttered. Time tree be’ 0 leap of’ 0 Bet, 9 and was | ae ip hp mosh, and a smiter ; But then he was cockcrowy rather, a very sign in a fighter. His temper was awfully nasty ; the Novice was cool and collected ; And 20 it seemed skill against size, and rattling good mill was expected. Tt calls for Prencre Eoan’s old pen with a sort of a dash of Macavuray’s, To worthily follow the fight soe the moment the on 4 their mawleys. The *‘ Pamp” stripped a regular whopper, the “* he peeled a bit forky, But then he seemed quick as Jem Macs, and as light ro his toes as old Corky. The i — PA a rare crowd of backers, and oh, how they holloaed and ** We'll back you, old boy, till all’s Blue!”” And they meant it, that’s not to be doubted. cheery ; A slab-sided slommocking chap was the “‘ Pump,” and his mug looked most A trifle smock-faced to be sure, but nct the least puffy or beery. ** Novice” looked clean as a pin, and as hard and as game as a pebble ; But light—very light ; his opponent . big bulk seemed his carcase to treble. young Novice might face him ! If, my Novice, your nose that had smitten 5 fear Mother Earth an yen ’d have bitten ! a windmill. Smack! Not well in reach, They spar for an ing. As creight as the BP | 2 a. The *‘ Pump” swings his arms bat a whopper! The “* Novice’s ” counters lack powder, but what a neat feinter and stopper ! Like ‘Cuanure,” he’s all round the ring; doesn’t relish in-fighting, that’s certain ; Ho hese light monse on one ore, pad De efit hee pet up the eastetn. The * Pump,” well, denied ; if he lands a fair spank on the dial, It’s likely to be a “* knock-out ;”’ 80 the “ Novice” of caution makes trial ; ; The ** ay ” is a terrible thum , but is he the stoutest of stayers ? — Not if he knows for Sd our Novice. A wrinkle he takes from Tom Sarens. Ad wo when means down without damage ; a dodge that is often em vid.” , boys; And s0 our Novice is pressed, he “gets errs down to avoid,” boys!

“No Tory can be more Tory than are some says the Daily News. Of course; the fact is No-toryous. videre suam some of the Dissentient Liberals,” -

LAT-IN FOR A SPEECH! THe folfowing ist letter was up last week in Trinity College, Cam y after the conferment of honorary Jaen on Prince ) Fenn Victor, Lord Sais- BURY, and other personages. If it doesn’t speak for itself, Mr. Punch declines to speak for it. It seems to be addressed to the Professor of Latin in the University :— Dear maren- Kiely} look at the enclosed draft of my wy, ene Bey a in introducing the new L.L.D.’s to y to know if the Latin eon from your official posi- op deme po mpl me that. I flatter myself the address will bat, if you don’t approve, would y on jast send me afew hints as to what ou would say nite oteseting cenenstanees f N.B.— Don't put in too much JUVENAL } Yours, os John’ E. 8-np-s, OBILISSIME CANCELLARI, Prrmwom eminentem Tumorem ned 7 rf be thanehe <3 this e other word.) Pater ejus est inter pares, princeps, es (Rather eloquent that, I fancy?) Sumus lati Regalem Altitudinem hic ad prwsens, et essemus |etiores si ALEXANDRA (Query—Too familiar 4d: venisset —- (Better than ‘‘cum eo” ? Shows style ) est Marquis SaLissvril, pee | ee Secundus Illum recipio libenter, ut ambo ae cae ro Paliou, le (th Asn thought Td ’d better bring in some Clauses, if possible’ Publicanus ! = Ay. ee ae Marcujus est celeberrimum. Igitur solum dicam de eo,—(I think it’s best to end up with a poetical quotation. Don’t af— Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis. Nunc, O Cancellarius, RawpotpHum CHURCHILLIUM, virum gravem, ad te introduco. Quum video nobilem Marquem wey et Ranpo_rpuum in eodem loco, fio O Genie! (an ‘danger ager of ele thfaking th mi i! y g this i um tempus fy, Kaxboupa,. rar ongum tem Domination athe neat for “ "Government," <. os nam Campus —good Latin for “the country” ed sine te. Non audeo anf) si esse us Premier. Ego- eS aae dicere ut et tu, probebilites putas eandem rem. Nemo alius est tam modestus, tam eminenté consistens, tam doctus, et tam courteosus ad opponentes. Ut poeta canit. Ibam forte vid Sacra, sicut meus est mos. In conclusione, tu potes dicere de Parliamentariis bellis, Quorum pars magna fui! (would ‘‘ pars quarta” do better‘) cum veritate. Hic est (query—bald?) Earlus Rosesenu. Nescio quia Universitas gaudet honorare eum, sed sine dubio est pro ejas profunda doctrina. Habet elegantem oratori- cum stylum, et, — fuit Indorum patronus (can’t any nearer to ‘ ’ than this—not bad, eh? Now for a tag of postey)— O ubi Campi (i.e. the fields of horses, you see!) Spercheusque ( Ascot) et bap bacchata Lacewnis Taygete ( (Bead ay not ?) | Goscnenvs est proximus, “‘ inexorabilis, acer” custos publicarum divitiaum, Ut —~ habet id, ** De non largiundo gloriam Alios graves viror, O Coneellars i introduco simul, et sine plure Latino—(O fortunati nimium, sua si bona nérint 1) —ut non possum producere aptas quotationes omnes dies longa. Ut Horatrvus dicit— Quid Cantabridgiw faciam? Mentiri neseio. I can’t go on cxoqueenting thet virtues for does this sound ch Then I should end Prosody or the Gradus

VOL, XCI¥.

Page 416

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Juwe 23, 1888, _— THE BLACKMAILER, == / i 3) | Ps) F=—] IN FVLL WORKING ORDER_ / / => //\> ae |: | // => =) “THE JOBBERIES;” Or, Taz Mareroro.itan Boarp or Worxs Maxine an Exaizirion or Irszxr, Votunterrine a Svacestion.—What! ‘Cut down a hundred ent Camp? The Sydenhamites, who are accustomed to Odd trees in Richmond Park,” for the sake of making a Volunteer Fellows’ Fétes and Fireworks, would be less likely to object to holiday of one fortnight in the year! Perish the Thought! Rather Volunteer Rifle Practice than Richmondians. But this year, and for let the Volunteers ** — 1g F. ” themeel a MY Altear, or the last time, the Wolunteers are at Wimbledon. At Tae Parwett Banquet av Caré Royat, was a Pike the first course, and a Revolver the picce de résistance? The Clan-na-Gaél will probably entertain themselves at a quiet party of Irish-Ameri- can confréres, each of whom will subscribe -mite. The | meeting is likely to go off with éciat,

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Jons 23, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI.

pe le AM “SA i, Vy Z yy eZ 1 44 f hy fe ~~ if, “nr PSs Seok Na “MIGHT BE WORSE 1 First Jolly Angler (peckish after their walk). ‘‘ Gor THE SANDWICHES AND —— Second Jolly Angler (diving into creel), ‘‘OH, YES, HERE THEYARE, ALLRIGHT, AND HERE’s THE WHISK——8UI——TUT-T-T, BY Jove |—I VE FORGOTTEN THE FisdINo-TAcKLE ! : First Jolly Angler, ‘‘On, NX’ MIND—WE’'LL GET ALONG QUITE WELL WITHOUT r#4r/”

THE CIVIL YOUNG ’BUS-DRIVER. [The Driver once would rudely chaff, or bid you go to Hades. If you ventured on a mild remark about his “off” or “ near” ’oss ; But the happy introduction of those garden-seats for ladies, Emollit mores (even his) nec sinit esse feros !) Arn—" The Jolly Young Waterman.” Anp did you not hear of a civil young ’Bus-driver, Who from Blackfriars his e used to ply ? He his reins with such skill ome calcite, Utterly winning each reminine ey He looked so smart, and he tooled so cad, a ladies a climbed to a aoe von poe ‘or since the young rogues foun qealbaeen ere, His ’Bus never wanted a feminine fare. What sights of nice girls on his roof-seats he welcomed, His ’Bus was so clean and well-painted withal ; He was on the best terms with the gay Cit y damscls Who wanted to Wan b to go, or pote the "Bus-drivers were g ven to j coring chaffing, and uently ‘* beering ;” But now they behave with politeness dol eure inne these qucliabiiiahs Waonght thom the felt cux Sev fase. Dear me! just to think now how strangel things happen ! Bus-Jarvies of ‘oupn.a.aalennen teal: nhac straight oar Jeb eo d straightway our Jehu is His } of old was anguage of But now how y hel wish you His mien and his manners are most de Since those garden-seats gave him the fair sex for fare! lady-fares charming, courtesy s thr and a bn ma -morrow | !

“Tae Ontanpo.”—What an inappropriate name for a ship! Alter Orlando to O’ er-sea-o.

“CONSULE PLUNKET.” Tue First Ooumiatoner of Works (Chief Aidile not ‘‘ Consul” —but the quotation Fly-catcher in by an iron rail, and the bird is as carefully weieias Sv Police as if she were dynamiter hatching a plot. "The Right Hon Dave is evident! man of sentiment. As an old bird—not a a Nestor, but, so Ay a Bird- Nestor—not to be caught oF & chaff, he a 7 sympathy with the little hen who is “up a tree,” are tgs > rarily of hy EI TE Bk If the House of “* Cpmene ” ont a... Ee its name, it would sive further consideration ill-used Equestrians with the assistance of “ G snge Hanger” (who oh chiefly petrenlocs Bet- Bet! tersea Park for his exercise) oe pelt ne Kensi demolish the sunk fence, give nother Fide ride across Hyde Park. If the placid Equestrians were Radical Rioters or Noisy Salva- tionists, every attention possible would be paid to their modest requirements ; but as oo at 8 assemble B. their thousands, and neither rant and roar lution, nor demolish ~- “‘ the coneys,” or <a space of Rotten — teeing’ axt aps, for the Early Christian Martyrs-to-over-feeding riding masters with pupils, Rotten Row is abont | the Rati Ride to be found in any civilised Metropolis : at every tg i eet | aoeleh tate A ine br bree in a cage teems with pleasing very-un-merry-go-round-about course Rovers are condemned.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIL (Jowe 23, 1888.

W. B.’8 LEGGINGS. Maz. Wrisow Baxnerr’s mural advertisement of If ema” \ worth noticing. make it a present to + - >. my-Banrerr. Bat there is one thing remarkable and most worthy of imita- tion in this form of adver- tisement, and that is the self-effacement of the actor himself; for it is clearly, though s Y bags & por- is ent Abvertioamatl trait of Mr. No-

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. BXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, June 11.—-Ministers working RicHarp TxmPux a little too hard. From time immemorial been Parliamen- tary usage for Government of day, as to bring out certain information, to select Member to tly independent action, either by way of mo Resolution, o tting Ques- tion. The Agent must hte ect innocency of character. On Liberal side, Dutwrn often been used by Grand and Wily Old Man to ab convenient questions. On Con- servative side, Tempie the very man—Inpianw TEMPLE, as some call him; Lord Paeopa as he will be known when he goes to the Peers; Tue Tas, as Gorsr always cails him, in recognition of his structural beauty. Tue Tas seen with moonlight effect the other night, when put ad to move Amendments, behind which Government might retire from dangerous position in con- nection with Cantonments Acts in India. To-night the afternoon sun snow- —_ towers as Tas rises to ask GroncrE amen whether he has noticed ee 5 wre of Our Only its for In- pa oop ‘Eagland he oy mar surpaing, So aan touch ay Bo aay Reads up that modest work, The it pages, convicts Our Onl: ea Groner refer to Pocket- Book !” he repeats wherever name

“Never realised till this morning,” said Barrretor, ‘how much Ye pag contempt could be expressed by simple citation of the title ora an pretty scene, in which Tae Taz played his part with dignity and retion. A steady night’s work in Committee on the Local Government Bill. Crowded benches, earnest, useful debate. Only one note of discord when Curse or Camponne turns up, and moves futile Amendment. Members bound to sit by whilst Conynezare makes speech, and must needs divide at his sweet will. But no one will take part in discus. sion, and, after a while, the Cursz goes home to roost. Business done.—In Committee on Local Government Bill. Tuesday Night.—‘‘ 1 remember,” said Old Morality, trying to pace with "hrrcure, walking home across Palace Yard, ‘ alee TS Woh sew we baie boon o puestedl ts cleans ene: J now we t n so punctual in announcing drawal of Licensing Clauses.” ** Pooh, gosh!” caid Rexcurn. ““Had to be done some time. Might as well do it at once. 3 soed uur tauth,' Home te tetew’ *There’s another reminis- cence of my youth, ‘Never do To- To-morrow.’ lf we shaken perhaps we should have been better off in ening. many of Chase experinness. a Case the copy-book say? Forget exact aes, ut something to effect that ye ee of fluid oa < nae substance process of time diminish ite cial area.”’ Truly not a cheerftl day for Govern- ment. At Morning Si withdrew Licensing Clauses of Local ernment Bill. Last night Old Morality, with his hand on his heart, declared that there wes absolutely no foundation for report that Government had decided to abandon the Clauses. “Then do you 7 to go on with them ?” asked Cary ** Certainly, Sir,” said Old Morality. **Come, come, now,” said Sir Jonyw Mowsray, when, this afternoon, Clauses abando: ** Don’t you think that for a moral man this is a little — , eh?” “Certainly not,” said Old ‘Morality, flush of virtuous indignation mantling his brow. ‘* When I said we would certainly goon with Clauses it was Monday. Answer strictly limited tothe day. This is Tues- day, and you get fresh answer. I can assure the House I am animated solely by sense of public duty. My only desire is to meet the convenience of the House — Fy oe the great interests of the “Come, come, now |” At evening — Jennines moved Resolution condemning reor- ganisations in public departments. Gzoncie HamItton defended system. Showed conclusively that best way to save public money is from time to time pension off all servants over thirty-two years of age, getting fresh relays. CHARLIE BeresrorD, hitching up his trousers and saluting Fi seat Lord, tuld him that he “ might reorganise till he was blue in € face. Nothing would come of it as long as present system existed.” Old Morality appealed to nobler instincts of JxNNiNes not to press Motion to a Division. Position criti Whips caught eapvine. Evidently not a hundred men in hand. Midnight pee =! from B Ben. If only debate could be kept might br for another half oat Messengers, scouring the Clubs, — in reinforcements. Axruvusr O'Connor evidently going © wah Anxious faces on Treasury Bench beamed gratefully upon him. N known of him justified belief that he would talk for less than an hour. O’Comwor on his feet ; sigh of relief from Treasury ** Sir,” said 0’ Connor, * *1 move that the question be no now put.” The ah! the Closure! Old Morality remem thing he had read or written out about of playing with tools — both sides, Often wield ; now cut at ae, Sapeee House divided, and Ministry defeated by 113 ws against 94. * Often heard Anruur O’Conwor speak,” said Witramp Lawson, i in just in time for Division, “but I never @ more uent or mae, oration than this last.” ‘usiness done,— Looks as if it was beginning of the end of the Government's. Wednesday. — Discussing th afternoon Law of Libel. Atezznon Borrswick brought in BP ill to amend it, i measure as first introduced. But Lozp CHANCELLOR and

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Jun 23, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 293 to say on subject. Neither has particular ** So demn’d imperti 1 said Mawratiy1 Matruews. * Awfal,” sai ._ “Don’t remember either side ever said good word for me since I took to political life. Won't even admire my portrait in the Academy. Say it’s li like me. What I say ee ee os Satine enn Proven 2 or SECRETARY reason to be fond of a spectacular seven hours, do people want with penny papers? Haven't they got the Law ee put up Acvouney-GumanaL to oppose everything in So hacked at Borrawicx’s Bill till most good things taken out. A difficult position for having prejudices to square in high quarters, and on # other side to meet impatient from people who think an | Ba oan Ne mperiod Cheong Se as easily as a would have spoiled Boagtuwick didn’t , Worked tard and patiently. Sot « very pues BRL Mesugh. Has earned thanks of all connected with “Business done. —Libel' Law Amendment Bill through Committee, Thursday.—Another long night in Committee on Local Govern- ment Bill. Benches full; everybody in earnest ; business spirit abroad ; Member says what he to say, and sits state their view, and ; not lively “song Sy Pilgrim of the is Goon, Beet, the + —_ see URTNEY take Chair rogress reported. RrrcHre Occasion ; always ready; unruffied ; iiiiee MBs: ounr diana, circumstances permi ight man in right place, it’s likely to be in of despair. CARLINGFORD sits, a little dazed at noble friend’s versa- © one can say where he —ee- Amazing ! y, having had Saturday and Sunday for Business done.—Local Government Bill again, in Committee in y Commons. h On a Recent Episode in Court. (By L-rd Ch-f J-st-ce Onl-r-dge.) War call ** Morpavunt,” your name being Moszs ?”’ Why alter your names when you can’t change your noses ? “I po not understand,” observed Mrs. Ram, “‘ the plan of mencing dinner with some Russian Cavalier spread on : ” Her nephew, who had been in Australia, observed that there was to be to 1” “Wapy Hatra Rartway.”—Sir E. this was or not ? can be more than -a Railway. OPERATIC NOTES. Monday, June 11.— Faust and Foremost. Norpica, the two Porzs, and TReBeLui being the foremost, House crowded. Calls and bou- uets after Second and Third Acts. Wacstarr says, appropriate owers for a bouquet to be ted to a prima donna taking a call, would be Cally-flowers. hen’ to be admitted. Everyone is a little pro voce sud quite unneces- ificent voice. She and is recalled She can act as well as si youth of heavenly beau ie. lgner Gunes, as 5 Duca) follow on our way,’’ i remplacante of Mme. RavELL. Quite right. ** the Balm of Columbia ”’ may be— for the hair—n: har. Why won't ym like Lassa_e (fine voice, fine acto there, Mesamate!” sa ; G is, Ayr. Lohengrin must DarvrioLanus TRIUMPHANS ticulturus.” Italian Organising Committee devising laurel crow

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2¥4 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Jowe 23, 1888, Sia t ae A; a x - AE go Df / Aa 2 f 2 CMNIBUS COMPANY LimiTEeo q — anaes ¥— in He Hh i 0 ih Pi il EIN Nos 1e0E 4| EFFECT OF GARDEN-SEATS ON DRIVERS AND CONDUCTORS. “ Omnibuses conduxisse cum pulchris puellis mores, nec sinit esse feros.””"—(See p. 291.) “THE VIGIL.” * Verse-moi dans le cwur, du fonds de ce tombeau Quelque chose de grand, de sublime et de beau ! ” Hernani, Act IV., Scene 2. Might fitly ficd osvcobo oa the lise” ( young Prince, whose pathway death’s eclipse Hath twice so brief a For many a peaceful, laden year. Fallen, tke some old Enight in full career, Dead on the field of honour, ing close The weapon, Duty, which not mailed foes, Nor pain’s insidious stress, could force or steal A tomindinwhectn A Drama here, of _ jo not low or But of heroic strain | What sn: With Teuton si y rear, but 5 WIti1aM has is vigil, aoe Heaven hold that sword i sheathed i in n that “hand, And crown with power and peace the Fatherland ! TOURISTS’ TALK. From the Very Latest Conversational Handbook, I tix these foreigners ; but when I inquire of this inhabitant of this quaint and pic jue old town the nearest way to the ram- parts, why por hey +? with _ a it pertoty Taek, ‘ The view of the sea from this position is elightful, = but for those five men creeping stealthil s tedesie mo shadow of that bastion, the spot would be ft reladede wy. tet bok, am fo oF ak eS ees oteal ine m am U rom seized by the collar, and to the bottom of this ditoh ? It is a curious fact e thet whe when is expostulate, and threaten them that I will write to the Times, the five men who are holding me down only reply by shouting, ‘ A bas le Prussien !’ Ha! here is a company of coming, probably, to my Strange to say, I cannot persuade the officer in command that the Bradshaw's Railway Guide found in my coat-pocket is not a Dictionary of German cipher. T will try to explain to him that my Scotch Tweed travelling suit is not the undress uniform of a el of Prussian Hussars. es FL EN EY Ae as I am marched m tgciain, howl and jeer at me as if I were some Ths fv he hours’ detention in a dungeon infested with rats,'though, no a necessary, is by no means a experi P'L think { have almeet ucoeodedin explaining in pantomime to the —~q- if Police that the photograph of my unele the Queen’s en in his wig and gown, that they Seve abstracted from

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LONDON CHARIVARI.—Junz 23, 1888. VIGIL.”

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Jue 23, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL.

said ihre Oe His me was ‘<caloulated to arcuse had better take care to be more cautious in felewe” dom act com- iw oe me for my arrest, incarceration, and eight hours’ liberty. Much aa I like these foreigners, I think, under the ciroumstances, I shall leave their quaint picturesque old town by the very next steamboat that starts for England.

VOCES POPULI. Ar a Concenr. eK Box-Office, a few minutes before the hour at which little Master Pousa xin Poponanor?. the very latest, youngest, and smaliest J Precocious Pianists, has his Morning Concert. Music-loving Public besieging pigeon-hole. Clerk (in answer to several frantic appeals). All the shilling seats But there’ s standing-room, surely ?|. eleven le there may be « few inches left Clerk (relenting). It fis the " ict can goin and seo, if ot hoodll A . t ae etree em Se In THE Concert-Room. standing Ain her —< Samily i: -— amen Pr veley my - wit numerous in gangwa: nm t "= shilling seats). I really must ask you to go farther back Mele thy meet panes seats—you here. a 9 . M. There’s no room in the ‘seats. I have brought rtity dae wuntoon S—— , OM purpose to hear little Pousuxu, and it’s not likely I shall go away now. [The Polite A. summons two other P. A.’s., who urge the pro- jety of reti = Beg oe . If those are your orders, execute the ! ‘these defenceless on oi —you will have to ly, and remain irre- tyrants we a minor theatre. have no right to block - Then perhaps you will },, Ae ay meekly, and retire in disco x oo her family, flushed but A sma coor programme). Nothi Muslast dsheser in Stall (consulting new, I see. How often I’ve heard Liner play that Ri way A ‘But is al sealty, bo wusy custene wae taste uctive to see how this child takes it. I hear some of “heme ae el Little Master PousHkin appears on platform, — and is received with tumultuous applause. account of an interview with Youthful Pranist in the paper). a. he sweet? Such perfect n! » he has to have —_

Discriminating P. mann, but more dash ; but he makes up for kindly to allo to take your seats for a short al They are quite unused to standing so long. .. Thank you, so m [ Male occupants rise, and feeling a delicacy in reclaiming their seats, remain standing for remainder of performance. The Enth, Person. They say little Pousnxiw spends the intervals his s Arks and sucking sweets. Here he comes i his little cheek is quite out. I shouldn’t wonder if he had a bull’ in it. Isn't a duck? Do you space how he altage sticks sitio lagd elses out When ho cecees to the Scherzo? The Concert concludes by little PovsHxkin with two full-grown performers as his general furore, subsiding, as the audience First Caviller. Afies i, yon know, Sig ' Lm -<—guicmmmmmaia This bo took the Allegro rather too Becond Ditto, And it cay tbat ning notes for octaves. {don al it logit, ether for my part about « kid” “Why, 1 mht iy Hondo tnd Chopin til I fl would a under the piano, and Friend. Well, not unless you could get yourself up in a frock Would they ? iim Humble Friend (to Wealthy Patroness). , ome mg oom, I ome say just what I think, as you - 4. Fy EMMEcIN® plays with quite as much TAY... as li and Jad more brilliancy of execution. The P. Do you really think so? Of course she has been thoroughly well taught—and, now I think of it, if you’ve nothing else to do to-morrow evening, You te might like to come in about ten —1 can’t ask you to dinner, table is but—— (Humble 2 Friend Seels Le rewarded. A Proud Mother. I’ve been of such a if we can only manage it. I wonder if we could get this little OUSHKIN to come to us one evening, and play that Ses Sen Seppe wie cat __. JosepHiwe—she’s very nearly perfect in it now. err Heumacher Sonnenschein (to his 2s this time to-morrow week there ttle boy, my Orriiie, with the | Seebadeeas Professional (recognising juvenile Ex-Phe- | nomenon). so you are no longer playing ? Ez-P. . 1 am too big become—I can now stretch the octave. the lead in a trio has. More recalis, up, into calmer

Fae RANGE OF POSSIBILITY. Major Warxins invents a range- findse "ol the greatest ble utili 1872. Wer Other Officials consiler experi- ments 1873, Some it. Ee fairest, 1875. No time this to ‘with it. 1876. eciine sat" tenes ab go 1877. Nothing done.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Juwe 23, 1888,

i iii —. —— . a TYPICAL MODERN DEVELOPMENTS GRANDMOTHER AND GRAND-DAUGHTER.

FOOD, FLOWERS, AND MYSTERY ; Oa, Taz Nursery or THe STRANGE AND THE BEAUTIFUL. My Dean Eprron,—You may remember that one day last week you sent for me in great trouble. You explained to me | you were very sad. **You see,” you 0 d, ‘‘the Managing Director of the Pine Apple Nur- series has addressed me officially, “Depeing me to honour him with a visit to view the Company’s Show of Glorinias other flowers in their Grand Conservatory.’ This is a sock santenetes signet, and it cuts me to the heart to have to refuse it! Alas that I should be so busy!” oauk could you not be represented by a substitute ?” I suggested, sympa- y: “ Eareka!”’ you shouted, absolutely beside yourself with joy. ‘‘ Look at the letter of invitation! You notice either I am to come or ‘ any delegate I may appoint.’ I will appoint you. Read the last h in the letter of invita- tion—' Luncheon will be provided at one o'clock.’ You hear, luncheon will be provided at one o'clock!” “This is indeed kind!” I cried, almost choking with emotion; and then after a few whispered words I took my leave. The next morning I hastened to the Pine Apple Nurseries. They seemed to me to be situated miles away from anywhere. In the cause of economy I patronised the Met tan Railway, two tram-cars, and an omnibus, and after taking several which resulted in hurried visits to Brompt ine » Nar : seemingly were more than success- fully holding theirown. To tell the truth I did not think much of the ‘* Glozinias and other flowers”’ i . i stood three me choly-looki tlemen i alert.” Deer dhedowr of ete to enter and inspect the exhibits. I i a little start on seeing me, as if they were treated as a king, or a convict. However, I di was left "

ts existence had been t-cart Conserva' < am gong a market garden —~ By very imposing proportions, in my journey came upon a building which seemed to be used for an office. Standing before it, I heard a pop, and looking through a window I found a luncheon, which presumably was the one promised “‘ to be provided.” waiter in his shirt-sleeves had — a bottle of wine. There was a table laid ap guests, and through the I could see an ‘‘ arrange- ment in yellow,” which did not seem to me to be very digestible. By-and-by, two of the gentlemen who I had noticed standing in the Grand Conservatory, entered room accompanied by a lady, and took their seats. It was then I fancy that ‘‘the face at the window” was observed, and I thought it respectful to withdraw. [ made my way once more to the entrance to the market garden, and was there accosted by the third gentleman who asked me, ‘if I was looking for anybody f”’ Had not the Manchester Marderer been just appre- hended, I fear that I might have been tempted to have declared that I was a detective searching for Jackson. Failing this excuse (the only one that on the spur of the moment occurred to me) I asked a question. ** Have many come to luncheon ? ** Well, no, Sir, not yet,” replied my accoster in a tone in which I fancied I could trace a tinge of melancholy. “‘ Not yet,” he repeated, and then continued more hope- ally, more ally. ‘But then of course, they can choose their own time—we said one, but any time will do.” I did not ask who the ‘‘ they” nor did I attempt to guess. I merely smiled a soft, genial, innocent smile. There was an awkward pause. ** Perhaps you would like some luncheon, Sir ?”’ sug- gested my companion with high-bred courtesy, which filled me with admiration{not unmixed with surprise. I felt deep gratitude and considerable pride that I, a perfect stranger, should have singled out for this magnificent dispiay of —— * Thanks, no,” said I, struggling with my emotion, * not to-day. Perhaps at some future date I may look in again. And then I left him. He followed me with eyes in which there appeared to me to lurk some latent doubt. When I got to the gate, I asked the young man in charge of the one-horse refreshment cart if he could furnish me with the Menu of the apparently rather neglected feast. y said he could - Under these — stances I regret to report I can give you no further iculars. I can merely subscribe myself, My dear itor, Yours with a sort of haughty humility, A Representative or “ Puncn,” sor * Lucu.”

Extract from ‘‘ Evelyn(Ashley)'s Diary.” “* Saturday, June 16.—Never liked bagpi Scotch Ayr out of tane to Government ears. Sofar as [ am concerned, what could I have expected from appearing in the open Ayr but a good blow? Know what Gronce Joxin will say, ‘O that Ayr! and this ear!’”

MODEL BYE-LAWS. (Founded on a recent Appeal Court Case.) Every passenger must show his Vaccination Certifi- cate on being uired to do so by any servant of the Company ; in default, he may be taken into the Station- Master's room and compulsorily vaccinated with any lymph that may be found on the premises, and in as many different places as may seem suitable to the said lecting to suppl ey me su any will not be liable to any fine whatever. The servants of the Company have perem to admit nobody toa platform unless f ticket. Persons found without tickets on platforms will, .| unless the Station-Inspector and one or two Guards have been previously tipped, be caught by the scruff of the neck and ducked in the nearest horse-pond, Travellers found riding in the coaches of the Company without tickets will, even if they give the most satisfac- —_

Page 425

PrERT AS REF || | Jung 23, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL OUR JAPANNERIES. No, 4, (ne xox m SCARLET LETTER DAY AT CAMBRIDGE. View of H.R.H. Prince Victor and other Celebrities being Doctor'd in the Senate House. All felt a Degree better after wards, reasons for not having them, be treated as suspicious characters, backed down and kicked, jumped upon, and then charged double the first-class fare from the station the train would have started from if the line had been carried five hundred miles beyond its existing terminus, and well into the Atlantic or German Oceans. Ignorance of these Bye-laws will be an aggravation of any offence committed rather than Company are and will not be, responsible either for passengers’ lives, liberty, or property, under any circumstances whatsoever, The Company does not engage that the trains will either start or arrive as stated in the Official Time-tables, or that they will ever start or arrive at all. Passengers complaining of unpunctuality in the trains will be bound over in heavy sureties to keep the peace, and to come u dee budlqmnent when nlted pen. } j First Passengers who, owing to want of room in the trains, are obliged to stand up im third-class carriages for their whole journey, will net bo allowed any Gednstion on thats tickets, but will ere] i ar! at their destinatio wwe FS ; chucked out of the Company ’s premises.

Page 426

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

{Junge 23, 1888.

THE ARMY

New Military System of Gymnastic Signailing. Showing a clean pair of heels to the enemy.

enemy. on any occasion when t

to conduct the attack.

ance. He is still the same *

Lord Wotsexey will in

pictures. Tournament (why continues.

dinising to music. Very effect

LA Ae i“

the

Swearing eternal fidelity to oa4h

potty Seg) does the Lancer m

iers run in with pro

of Major TULLY, comm: tooral-looral drams in keeping time is not at once evident. Perhaps it is only intended to frighten the he band has to go first into action, and the chef d’orchestre has Old friend Captain Dawx to the fore, giving the place quite an Anglo-Dannish « - foot.” One great novelty is the new Athletic and Gymnastic Musical Drill, invented Colonel Owstow, to make the men supple, le. hence known as the Supple-men ercise. Sade it, with sketches, in the next edition of the Soldier's Pocket- Book. Anyone unable to review the Army at Merry Islington is hereby recommended to pro- cure the [iiustrated Military Tournament, pub- lished by Warne. Fore-Warned, fore-armed. f . Notice the drawing of the swords in these New Musical Drill. most startling effect on an enemy. new ak oad | the [ ~ ‘Athletes, or the Bounding Brothers of|strack me.” “Something funny, as usual, Gallant Indiarubbers, retire from “Yes,” I replied, “I think even you will sa the sawdust amid tumultaous plaudits, | It’s ¢ propos of you both ; for doesn’t it seem odd that Gownre’s nete. The Musical Ride. with| always coming, and CumMING ’s always -tooni il had evidently quite forgotten wo the gy ae with : The papel Fd as for myself, [ fairly doubled up in my Ay till t jol perty banks— Bank one side, old County bank the other—canvas stream or refreshmen AT ISLINGTON. Enemy (eight of them) jshoot gestive of Hexxomen’s picture of it! Wise Maxim Gun mention ts they cannot stand it any ionger, and sally forth. teaguards at five-o’clock- ) se . ‘ Party broken up: bugle. British Army wakes, constructs bri Tax Military Musical Tournament (why ‘ Tournament” ). hm Enemy retreat behind palisades—return with Maxim Gun and Nor- general superintendence enced at the -|denfeldt. Maxim Gun loaded with old saws and proverbs. Great Hall last ¥-| wisdom in Maxim Gan. British Army, not to be outdone, suddenly Crowd of old Pensioners in red (sug- produce Horcsxiss & Co., Limited,—a h headaches in every a says, ** Bolt!” Enemy bolts accord- and they ought to omse _-- with | ingly, disappearing behind palisades. British Army in full pursuit, —storm cross bridge, blow up palisades—* Up, Guards, and at ’em!’ e action, to Major Tuiy a, Boys in| the rocks—gain the heights—Defest of Pronrx & Co.—Vietory! blue—a co: 8,” | ** God Save the Queen!’ : b not Garssponovca's—and the Boys) including shouting. Good p had . Still going of the Duke of York’s School—never -~? % » i till now that had a smile on their faces. After rather an unpleasant pause, as a who isin touch” with him show | who had opened a cigar-onse, closed it up again, * Yes— b i lance xplaining point P| think, after that, I shall be going, diam sorry I fail to see the Very con ph yon me hy = phy den. i fan of your jokes.” Gowrne said he didn’t mind a joke when it Dany, so march from Daxw to Beer-she-bar. wasn’t rude, but a pun on a name, “ : : rear , | little wanting in taste. Communes followed it up by saying, if Combined Display, under the diretion of Colonel Oxstow.” lit" had ‘been eh iy cay cae tia bet mspecll, be y to his thinking, was certainly a ouldn’t have entered the house again. This rather uopleasantly terminated what 2 : - i — ed might have been acheeryevening. However, it was as well they went, Palings gate at one of | for the charwoman had finished up the remains of the cold pork. .

i>} NOTIVE. — Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Euvelope, Cover, or Wrapper. there will be no exception. or Pictures ef any description, will To this rule

"sa e@ecoecoae@ ! ee

Page 427

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They hold more ink and last longer. Six sorts, iggy band for rm g dye, id, or se nal wrfting. Hox 0’ of 33 F ens for or with ay Anti Blotting ames, for ls. ta. ‘ree of all Stationers, ORMISTON & GLASS, Edinburgh. fes- COLT’s DOUBLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER, Department. 48 supplied to H.M. War SINGLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER, as adopted by the United States Government. COLT'S “FRONTIER " PISTOL takes the Colt and Winchester Magazine Kifle Cartridge, ‘4 cal. REVOLVER, POCKET “REVOLVER, ; best quali Coit’s Kevolvers are use ai ow the w wonies, wt’ > vIRRARMS Co. “ Pall Mall, London,s. W, THE SPECIFIC FOR NEURALGIA. sooooooooooore ..iii.s: ‘Tongay= prescribed it."—Mapicat Passe, 2s. Od. , 40. 6d, and lis, Of all Chemists. “SODEN MINERAL PASTILLES.” Uaiverenlty acknowledged the best semedy for affections of the THROAT, CHEST, AND LUNGS. They are special! ee by our ‘SiR MORELL MACKENZIE, onial is oaings A. h bak, Of all Chemists at It 1j¢., Tre stamps, of FODEN MIN a1. r 4 [EB CO. Drea's bur LRysos Ho.soax, Loxpox REDFERN, LADIES’ TAILOR, G@WNS COA ULSTERS of Ladies’ Tailors jd said, the most EDINBURCH, PARIS, YORK. “The most in the Wor original.’’ — [)ECORATE your HOMES! The beau! y of Stained Gites in a overy Oe ean be enjoyed by using Maw, 8 GLACIER WINDOW aes thoat prevows taperienc® MAPPIN & WEBB'S DRESSING BAGS JOHN BRINSMEAD & SONS’ PIANOFORTES are the perfection of touch, tone, and —-," 18, 2, and 22, WIG MORE STREET, LONDON, Iliustrated L. post K NERVES. Nature's Remedy, “ Blectricity, falls tostrengthen the Nerves and 1 1 Pap the whole system when scientifically applied, in the form of mild “continuous currents” (without shock) generated iy aes HA ELECTROPATHiG BELT, When ordering please send size round waist = Seats Thousands of f Testimonials. “ay if po Free. Note ouly aidress| ie ral or write at onee to— Fanwres. ona z — cat Batrerr Co., LA., a STREET, LONDON, W. Sy et a Pa) and or a8 of 6a., wriee nclpal aI’ Perfumers and ‘hemists thrvaatae te World. Agents,R. Hovan- pan & Bons, 31 and 82. . Berners Street, London, W. LEA & PERRINS’ SAUCE. LPs « Penn! Re oe UCR, which are calculated to deegive the Publi Lea & Pennines beg to drawattention to the each bottle of the Original amd Genuine WORCESTERSHIRE $ SAUCE bears their Lea Gedenig * Bold nelle & mone Caoser & php by Pon reread ie Buiport Olean Oilmen gen ly Retail by Dealers in Sauces throughdut the World. t that H°GEIE COUGH. ROGHES votes Soentn Wee Tmt ot Fes oer DINNEFORD'S MAGNESIA. For ACIDITY oF rae STOMACH, HEARTBU KN, HEADACHE, GOUT, and INDIGESTION. STREET, and all NEAVE'S Foon 3 180, BOND iio T T BEST AND CHEAPEST. THE ONLY REMEDY FOR Baggt KNEES. fait HAMILTON 0.’'S Tadusens WY aC STRETCHER OF TAILORS, HOSIERS, &o. Pr Walnut Clamps, Nickel Kod and Phin ee oe 30 ee oe Sa. 64. Poli-hed Birch Clamps, Bronze ditto 4s, Od. Plain ditto ditto ditto - «» Ba. Od Plain Kireh Clamps, Rods not jointed Qs. 64 Indispensable to Cricketers and Lawn Tennis Players i» feeventive Gannel Trousers PROM SHAIVEING AFTER BEING WaenuedD IMPORTANT.—AVOID IMITATIONS, and insint a JOHN HAMILTON & CO,'’» VA'TENT, ench of ‘whieh is stamped with Name and Trade Mark If any difficulty in obtaining, or otver Stretchers are aitempted to be sub-tituted. send /’.0. 0. (With 64, extra for carriage) t) the Makers, 7, Parr Laws, Lonpow, B.C A Ges Bath in Your Own Boom for One Penny. STODDART'S SEA SALTS. INVALUABLE FOR pEEy MATION AND WHaK JOIN Fetablished «44 Ponty Yoors Bold in 64, 2 ib,, ls, 24, 14 ib "io yEes; 4s, 28 b., 8+, 66 Ib AL The 112 Ib. Hage Full directions for |e on each Package. 5 row and approved of by ty Hive D)., & Orrvre Henwen, F.C.8 Bold by Chemists, “Patent Medicine Dealers, & Wholesale London Agents BARCLAY & — 95, Farringdon Street, B.( Averpool Agents AYRTON & wae DERS, 149, Duke Street nchester Agents JAMES WOOLL 7 Y, “ONS & CO., 00, Market St, Proprietors A. BJ, WARREN, Wholesale & Bxport Draggists, Importers of finest Oli: e Oil, Licensed Make et of Methylated *pirit, 2 & HK, REDCL. vv STRESE, BRISTOL TOBACCONISTS COMMENCING. OW TO OPEN REMUNERATIVELY (rom -ny amount however smal! or large [llustrated A LAXATIVE, REFRESHING FRUIT LOZENCE, VERY AGREEABLE TO TAKE. TAMAR INDI FOR CONSTIPATION, N: Bile, Loss of Appeti Gastric end In bah bs eae gh = ag arising from GRILLON, Hh Rareds, bee Pieeadhek, Locdon” Noubliched @ rear. THE WONDERFUL DISCOVERY IN NEEDLES. MI L WARDS’ Baurice Pecter pr Gastie ane Pour Pass

Page 428

PUNCH, OR LONDON CHARIVARL - —June 23, 1888. A HOUSEHOLD WORD. IS THE BEST ENGLISH S FOOD For Children to Thrive on.” _ 66 BABY HAS HAD NOW HE HIS . GOES TROTTING RIDGE’S FOOD. ( Ss ALONG!!! HE 'S HAPPY NOW. HEALTH and STRENGTH insured to Old and Young by the constant use of DR. RIDGE’S DELICIOUS PATENT COOKED FOOD, a Speciality for INFANTS, INVALIDS, and the AGED. A spoonful stirred into half a tumbler of cold spring water makes « delicious beverage, is very nourishing, and cures Indigestion, Ask for DR. RIDGE’S FOOD. TAKE NO OTHER. SHUN IMITATIONS WHEREVER FOUND. N.B.— BEWARE OF MEDICATED FOODS, which have no nourishing properties. SOLD BY CHEMISTS AND GROCERS EVERYWHERE, PAMPHLET, ON THE REARING AND MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS AND YOUNG CHILDREN, Post FREE ON APPLICATION, Manufactory: RIDGE’S ROYAL FOOD MILLS, LONDON,-N. Telegraphic Address—“ RIDGES FOOD, LONDON” Faates Oy Wale ee Peoainse te tis Uily sf Landon, tod Febinhes by bd sb he's Mest Suet a Mears ene Ue oe on

Page 429

| PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. WITH NEARLY 40 ILLUSTRATIONS BY CHARLES KEENE, FINE BINDING, PRICE HALF-A-CROWN, ROBERT; Notes from the Diary of a City Waiter. Reprinted from “PuncH.” “Robert is a genial humorist, and underlying his fun there is @ delightful vein of satire which Examiner. ts closely brought to bear on the conspicuous vanities of the day.” —Manchester (Brapsury, Acnew, & Co., Bouverie St., Re ae 7, ‘ N® 2451. VOLUME NINETY-FOURTH. —~o— JUNE 30, = See i ae ek a eT orem ent PLE A VOLS Ait MENA, | AN fill Ta ry i Milly S ey INE ‘i ! ki Mu | ie AON ‘ 2 A q' Ni, Qi ii\ “Ss Fail) 4 PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS, . . ad * . "J PRICE ‘ By THE AUTHOR OF “VICE VERSA,”| “A 400k of genius in its own way. Some (of the pieces) are amazing tn | their cleverness, and all are extraordinarily skilful,’—®t. James's Gazette. | ONE SHILLING, g “ Full of humour.” —Scotsman. at all sont U r ar | “ These parodies of latter-day recitations are well worth re-printing, Booksellers Mr. Anstey has a wild and sportive humour, which he uses to laughable| 9nd at the AND O q effect,” Manchester Guardian. |Railway Bookstalts. 3Su¥HL 391d “SONS3d '

Page 430

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Juwz 30, 1888.

and mr. te! o be poempaees in Bight Quarterly Vols THE HENRY IRVING SHAKESPEARE. Béited by Hewar levive and Pucwx A _ Menamane, and lliastrated by Gonpos Bro Ona mates How ready, Vols. L., IL., BLACKIE & 808, @, THE ENGLISH ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE For JULY Profusely Tihustrated, price 64.; by post, 64 The Number contains: — a Be. Gemadi Johnson. After Sir Joshua Rey-

2. Te ‘Mediation of Hardelot. Chaps. EXXXIV.—AXEXAVII oy Prot. W. Minte : , Aurioles, and Umbrelian, Part I By ©. F. Gordon Cumming 4 William Hatton. hy G. birkbeck Hi 6. A Hampshire Hamiet. W \'h |) ustrations oe Coqting. Days and Coaching Ways —“ The toad Part ll. by W. Outram Tris- oe lilustrations by H. Railton and Hugh Tho mson 7. In Exile By D. J. Robertson. 6. Et Catera. By H. D. Trail

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ONGMAN’ 8 MAGAZINE, L 7ULY Price SIXPENCE, Bve. By the Author of “John Herring.” (Cont Gomething about Ostrich Feathers. Hy U. I. Nathan. Two Lives. Hy BE. Nesbit. Bamborough Sands Hy Mra. Alfred W. Hunt. Bight in Savages. By W. HM. Hudson Dress and Economy. By Mrs. Jienry Reeve. Evolving the Camel. by Grant Alen Orthedox. By Dorothea Gerard. Chapters I.—IL At the Sign of the Ship. Hy Andrew Lang —_ mdon: LONGMANS, GREEN, & CO THE MATRIMONIAL HERALO | AND FASHION ABLE TTE is the original and only rec A. — +, = r High-Class Introductions. The largest smd most suce essful Matrimonial Agency in the World. Pric ; in envelope, as. om Editor, #, Lamb's Condwt Street, Lor

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June 30, 1838.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL “DALY” NEWS. One visit to the Daly Co., now orming The Taming of the Shrew at the Gaiety, will make it to the student of the English Drama that Theatrical America must have been discovered — KemMB_xs, with Mrs. Srppons, followed by Macreavy, Puetrs, Comp- tos, and Bucxstong, whose good old traditions have not yet been discarded as is evi by the occasionally deep tones courtly | Such a feather in their cap! Fope they "11 make their money On Petruchio’s pony ; gestures of the leading members of this company, and in the peculiar mannerisms of the low comedians. What first struck me, after the remarkable performance of Miss Apa Renan as Katherine was Mr. Joun Drew’s clever embodiment of Petruchio; and pass- ing over the cut-and-dried comic business of Mr. James Lewis as Grumio, Mr. F. Bowp as Tranio, and Mr. Caantes Leciuerce as Gremio, I was delighted with Mrs. Giipert as Curtis, whom the Americans have c into an old woman after Suaxspzane had made a man of him. Miss Poa:sr Russet looks quite Burn-Jonesian as Bianca. About the others, with the exception of Mr. Wir114m Gixpekrt, the exponent of Christopher Sly, there seemed to me to be an amateurishness which was quite inexplicable. But the two, on whom the success of this Eliza) Farcical Extravaganza depends, are worthy of the test praise, of which to Miss Renan must be allotted the ~ About the spelling of Petruchio’s name there is admittedly some ight difference of opinion, but about pronunciation of it as bill, ‘* Petrucio,” themsel Yankee Shakspeares came to town t in « there is a good deal of 7 ing that the pro- | (The Scene suddenly; , and art for everything. He doesn’t ys it within a few inches of as well as it To impersonate a man acting a part, and nothing, and art f gay and gallant Petruchio, 8 She . she exhibits such demoniac relieve itself by inarticulate cries of anger, uncontrollable. When being Bw so enlists our sym ies, farcical situations, that the men a cowardly brute is Petruchio, - 8 THE CLIENT’S RELEASE. (Little Legal Operetta, in Active Rehearsal.) A Corridor in the immediate vicinity of the High Court of Justice. A crowd of ated Sui ho have been waiting all day, nd Bohcitor tors, in the next called on for hearing, discovered huddled together outside the door; a blithe Official steps lightly. out, make an irritable rush at him, and } im to the front, with threatening gesticulations, sing the f ing Chorus :— Counsel with refreshers feeding ! Gay, mumet 96 Whe incline aoe, ait perhaps, till day week ! Burrue Orrictat (andante), Te at angen thet I can say r or sorrow. You came yesterday, hye) up to-day :— You had all bother Uhewt hove toamecsear| And if your attendance to-morrow vain, Then come the day after, and try again! ExaspgRaTeD Surror (con fuoco). He treats our prayers, our threats, with scorn : ‘Sach wastel umes gases Sel Can such a weight of costs be borne ! tervene ? Will no one opens at the back and discloses the Genius of the Bar Committee and the Good Fairy of the Incorporated Law Society, surrounded by a blaze of legal light. Genius or THe Bar Commitren and the Goon F Incornporatep Law Socrery (ensemble) Yes! Wel [They wave their wands, while there appears above them the List of Causes, which are ivided into “ Special Jury Actions,” doned Tn oes, te paraar gay 4 ary y . ta in“ groups’ Y each case Sor hearing on a speci | day at a fixed hour. All the phenomenon with ‘action. Behold! past practice thus we set aside. See your work before you cut and dried. Delay ierdcodt “Clears off official mist. You've but to seek your name upon that list. No more you’!l have to hang about in town ; The day, the hour, the are all set down. And so we trust we’ve aaah rally, hen they are surrounded by They are about to retire grace wo they are a LTMy voing throng af Bokcitore, Chlaf Clerke, Counsel, Clients, and Court Officials, who indulge in a wild appreciative revel as the Curtain descends, AIRY OF THE More “G. O. M.’s”!!—Another has been discovered at the Crystal Palace,—‘‘Goop Otp Mawnns.”@ Evidently a pluralist. VOL. XCIV. DD

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL THE WATKIN SPIDER AND THE GLADSTONE FLY. (New Version.) “Writ you walk into my, Tannel?” said the Spider to the | Said the Spider to the Fly, ‘‘ It’s mest absurd, upon my soul, nena ly, F ‘ E To see so big a nation scared about so small a hole. Tis the handiest little Tunnel that ever you did spy. To share the ecare that’s in the a‘r is worthy, don’t you know, You ’ve only got to pop your head inside and peep, no more, Not of a Grand Old Fly like you, bat of a midge like Jox! And you'll see a many curious th you never saw before, Then won't you, won’t you, won’t you, won’t you, WwW * Jon, Fe you, will you, walk in, Grand | plucky Grand Old Fly y? | : ; ** Will you show the feather white and vote with Joszrn, Grand Now, this » pastlonton Grand Old Fly was very “ fly,” you know, Old Fly ?” And had c business notions and ideas of quid pro quo. | ** No, if I do, may I be shot! It may be, by-and-by, Says he, About your Tunnel patriots doubt, alarmists chafe ; I'll ask you—but no matter; with you now my lot is cast.” Of course, it’s most ridiculous, but will you swear it’s safe ? The Spider langhed, ‘“‘ Ha, ha! my boy, I oT you safe at last! Ob, will you. will you, will you, will you?” said the | You will then, will then, will then, will then, really Grand Old Fly. Grand Old Fly!”

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Jons 30, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. COLERIDGIANA ; Or, Tatnos I st1tt want To Know. Wuatis a ‘‘ Race Performer” ? Where is Tattersall’s ? What is a “Turf Reformer”? Who is Wearuenpy? What is a“ pony”? Why is a a ny ” sometimes given in exchange for a horse? What is ‘‘a friendly claim” ? Who or what is the ‘‘ Derby”? Isitthe Earl? Who is Miss Connre Gucueist? What is meant by “having a bad week of it”? What is the meaning of “winning with a little bit up his sleeve”? What does ** six to one bar one” mean? What is ‘“* Pzars’s Soap” ? Who is Mr. Beersonm Tare”? What is ‘‘ Niagara in London”? Why does a Moszs ch his name to Morpavunt ? is *‘ Conwey Grain”? What are the se ing Clauses” ? Who are the “ Stewards” of the Jockey Club, 5 pry do i rough is “ee they do in a passage What is the “ P of Copeman! Who is the “ Grand Old Man”? What is “ ? Who is Mr. Aveusrus Harris? Di about Hewry Irvine atadinner? If so, where was the speech dinner, and who was Henry Irvoye ? TOYING WITH A PURPOSE. Ar the Avenue Theatre Mr. Anruur Rozserts in the course of The Old Guard, and a ing i icular, sudden! : tis toy oo wil ts te y; laced him in not quitea straight line, when the mechanical & RoBERTS is unable to gostraight. If the Reverend Gentlemen who take an interest in theatrical perform- ances will visit the Avenue—no necessity for men to ** take orders,” as they are supposed to possess them already,—they will see Mr. Anruur Roperts, after the manner of the ‘‘ poor player,” literally ‘‘ strutting” his short two minutes on the lage, and, by “ going straight,” when pus in Oe het oe ge te ge t lesson to the youth of enfeebled will. thus the Drama is vindicated as a great moral teacher. Norics.—No room for Nobody’s Diary this week. So sorry, because it is one of the best chapters. We should be still more sorry, only Nobody cares. yoo \ \ Ses .. 0. ES \) eee } Varae NM \) ’ Ay ONE EFFECT OF THE SWEATING COMMISSION. Swell (at West-Ead Tailor’s, to the Foreman). ‘‘ Ad—LOoK HERE, SyIPsow, I’VE BEEN READING ALL asour Tas Sweatina Sysrem, Dow’romeRwo,—anp as I yinp THAT Tae Tarnes I pay vou Erour Guingas FOR—AH—YOU GET MADE BY THE SWEATERS FOR AzbOUr—Au—Two-aND-Six—I’vVE MADE UP MY MIND—AH—TO DO THS THING WELL, WITHOUT SCREWING YoU Down, So—ag— JUST TAKE MY ORDER FOR A Sevuen-Awp-Sixpenny Dress Svrr.” ODDS ON THE BAR. Some short time ago it was announced that, at one of the Inns of subjects were to be given for the benefit bt a recent case any hwy no less a than the Lord Chief Justice of England itted his entire of everything technical in racing) has suggested that a present moment highly popular. If expect a subsequent examination, of which i i i ** Pass-paper.”’ 1, Explain three of the following expressions in legal phraseology —‘‘ Skinning the lamb,” “‘ Putting the pot on,” ‘* Going a hewler,” in by chucking at him an umbrella,” and ** Standing in “* Scoring a win with the stable.” 2. Given a fashionable jockey, find his probable income, distin- ishing between hi i f iding, training, and h orse- Give the pedigrees and list of performances of any two of the following horses— Ayrshire, Success, Galore, Morebattle, Bonaparte, Nunthorpe, Chitabob, Hi Drop, and Camaralzaman. ,Write i - taking the chances of nay one of them for Manchester Cup. 5. Justice t ery, out of Chan Bar, is a three- yenr-ald, whe bes boss beckon ta'sll his thai bet ‘che ‘wap tot ho a match with Suitor, by Common Sense, out of Water : handicap him the Cesarewitch, giving reasons for the weight you attach to him. i of either (a) the Derby, or (4) the Leger, the 1 to the present time, a's “NOTHING LIKE LEATHER.” (Nursery Rhyme for the Saddlery Knaves.) As a matter of course It makes HANBURY cross To see how knaves saddle the Cavalry horse. Fine pickings ney finger, su These ’ Whose “‘ leather” means rotten hides smeared with glucose. Sounps rrom Syrpewnam. — Crystal Palace Company giving Hawpet a tarn this week. ‘* Hanne. was never knighted,” observes the Encyclopedic Sir Gzoraz Grove, ‘ because the King said that the Composer couldn’t possibly want a Handle to his name.” Doubt whether Sir Geez Gee ever said this, N.B.—The two Comsonpensents signing themselves “* Wat-rHe-Dickens,” and ‘ Gaarsuus Evans!’ who wish to know “if Sir G Grove is one of the Groves, of Blarney,” we refer to the eminent Musician himself for a more satis factory answer than it is in our power to offer “Horr Ante ;” or, “ H’as you were,” was in effect the verdict of the Jury in favour of the innocence of the polite Hurr,—* — ” to distinguish him from “the rude Hutt” of romance,—and so we Foung gentleman comes out of the trial “‘ More frightened than Hutt! N.B.—On the perpetration of this ey sarge the paeewary ‘* Marshal,” was at once sent for, and, to the tune o Campbe is coming, oh dear !” the Court was immediately cleared.) Wantep sy THe Barrisn Army awp Navy.—Not foemen worthy of their steel so much as steel worthy of their foemen ! Tar Locat Government Brit.—As Tory Doctors say, more Looal than Constitutional.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. (June 30, 1888. ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. BXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY 0 House of Lords, Monday, June themselves. (Going to let out some F TOBY, MP. 18.—Peers determined to reform bad blood, and let in some new. Not any longer going to stand Members of sacred order smoking short clay pi in back parlours, ranning i hand, aP ‘ jackets with bu tin a one ee one alae B roing to strengthen Institation by in the but “Peers,” growls Bramwett, “are men who have failed at the Home or the Colonial. S es,” said Crawsroox, who didn't like tone of k, ~ tes failures as Law Officers of the Crown.” with su y at all P necessity of reform. DUNRAVEN measure as ing it. Notion of Szinonwz AreGYtt back again out of with freezing displeasure. “ - hd and seeing c or, Ministers of the Crown tutions of this country at the shuddered at the terri Rosgsery th bh dimm ** A Minister of the Crown,” he murmured, “‘ who figure of Hatssvry on Woolsack. Markiss to Turns littl k Rosesery, with high dilates on eee cl. tnt will vets Yor ts to “adadiaing on not blow ref SELBO: heartily “ the snow-storm. speeches in this heads of the a La conjured SE ad Cross says ditto. hand to throw the great Institutions of the country at the heads of the people, except in kyind sentence unfinished. Bill read a F Rosgpery said nothing. But, ness ” Emotion so overcame him, irst Time. speaking at Wriu1s’s Rooms on Thursday lightly alluded to AncYtt as “that portentous, political pedagogue.” Delicious! Business done.— Commons at work again on Local Government Bill. Tuesday.—SrNcLarr came up to take his seat for Ayr. Result of election not exhilaratin for House. Number of jokes Professor Joacuim, who loves his art, for Government ; absolutely we made on subject unpreceden’ descants diemally on situation. ** Just one of those opportunities,” he says, ‘‘ that proves irresistible. Jokes to be made about Ayr are obviously numero commonest comprehension. subtlety in it. Always regard it as a failure if w more than three out of nine people hearty, but not quite so dramatic and not above The real high-class joke should have I make a joke see it.” Srxciarr’s reception as when Evans came. Lacked Hanrcovrt's assistance. Hancovar just as much to do with winning Ayr as he had with victory at Southampton. But engagement in the country keeps him away, and Srnciatr gets the cheers which he deserved. More Committee on the Local defeat for Government. Bill 7 oHN myrmidon of Quarter Sessions ; make him creature of County Councils. On Division, taken in crowded House, Govern- ment defeat. d by 30. ** Very remarkable thing,” said Old Morality, nervously defeated last Tuesday. wasn’t for this that we took Tuesdays from private Mem- _ After excitement of morn- ing sitting, mt cheerful evening with h Mem- concerning the Assess- for Batleshectical ‘Purposes, or urposes. Turned out in course of debate that this is Scotch for Church Rates. Lonp-Apvo- CATE very ; already suffered enough one BSes- sion from Seotch Members ; too bad to be brought away prematurely from his haggis to hear Hunter on Church Government Bill; also another that Chief Constable shall be Moriey moves Amendment to Rates. Growls and glares. Nearly frightens life out of Suvctar, Not used to these ebullitions. Wattace, wa = getting near the door, shouts out, “ Lorp-Apvocats bears with the aid of English Members, the opinion of the country he nominall represents.” Then Wattace flees for his life, and great hush falls on assembly. Loxp-Apvyocate’s hand instinctively goes in search of claymore. If he’d found it, and could have come up with WaLLacr, there would have been vacancy in representation of ast Edinburgh. But weapon not handy; Wattace fled ; has time to subside. “All very well, Tony,” he said, when I suggested he might ‘‘ take it out” of Lrow Prarrarm; “but this state of things onterny ean’t goon long. Kither these Seoteh Members must be got rid of, or the Markiss will have to carry on his Government without Me. It is evident we can’t b the same air.” ‘ Business done.—Getting on with Local Government Bill. Wednesday.—Don’t hear of Branovrwe in these days. Liberals won't talk of him ; Conservatives don’t like to. Will take his vote, but rather nothave his speech. To- Stern Father Br-b-rne repudiating his Offspring ! Gate, “I'll tell you. Have always thought this was one of Brasovrye's little moves. Having planted himself in Tory camp, thinks it might be convenient if he lodgedason in the Liberal. Then, whichever Party in power, there might be pickings for The Pappocxs, something sweet for SmzerH. Thought that from the first, This letter convinces me. Nothing better calculated to make honest voter emp for KwatcuBuLt-Hueessen than to be told his father had cast im 0 ** Wish I could vary the conversation by saying something com- plimentary of Branounrne,” said Cuartin. ‘Curious, that a man who has travelled all round political compass should not pick up a friend. Ever hear the story about Rowron? When Bxasovunne took town house, showed Rowrow over it, Came to his own study. * Nice cosy room this,’ he said, ‘though not very large. It’s here where I entertain my political friends.’ ‘Ah,’ said Rowron, ‘It will be large enough for that ?’”’ Business done.— Libel Lew Amendment Bill through Committee. Thursday.—Several important questions on to-night. 8S Bounty Conference, Night Arrests in Ireland, the Ayr Election, Im- prisonment of Joun Dritoy, threatened Vote of ‘* No _ Home Srcretary. that Rugby Habitation of Primrose held high jpaetly Bn Saturday. mong i on was race in which a a apd ME « erred brought up to starting-post

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Mantatint Matraews much relating the incidents. When he sank back on pocket-handkerchief and mopped done.—In Committee of Supply. .—Thunder ; my ny Te challenge for Monday. done.—Local 1 nah Bal in in Committes.

Pe PRAEGER | | the way and sheep, it settled comfortal yon tho ome Siffleuse, i Murmurs of sympathy e; Vote of ‘*No Confi- p me Old Morality accepted

AN ACUTE ENGEL. Our Celebrities, a Portrait G Messrs. Swan, Sonnescuery, & Co. first-rate, with of Sunshine & Co. assured every month for the ridiculously small sum | | S ie ome. . WALERY eabr ol & _— ir

grapher. The first Number of the series is out this week, dated = Ist, of which “* the Contents” Duke of CAMBRIDGE, “the Marquis of Satissory, and Sir Freperick Leicntow. They look like ‘‘ The Contents,” and we should say, after inspection, that the Non- Z, a ay | rotated be very few, if ae oe a TT Paks

—o@ himself a composer ae musical critic, we sh pected Sa presence of at least one musical celebri obtuse Engel,” it’s all right. No Ladies are to be exception, here and there,—though we should say it will be difficult to keep ‘‘ Darling Mine”’ out of the collection. He has chosen three ead off with, and has monographed them in his own peculiar style, which is ‘‘ so Engel-ish, you 4 as tal care of Number One, and £0 we suppose admitted, excepting, a great distinguished English

is being brought out by e phoweree ought to be regular assistance ould have ex- E., not by any means ‘‘an

OPERATIC NOTES. Monday—is *‘ Black Monday” ! Tuesday.—The Barbiére. Nise ARNOLDSEN a most piquante Rosina, and Raver the Reliable a musically correct, but not a dashing Almaviva. NAvVARRINI a melodramatic Figaro, and Epovarp DE Reszké too majestic for Basilio,—not his line at all,—but in| La both cases the ee Ae has prt been in Don Bartolo ; Ranpecerr and the Orchestra revel in in Italian, Onlyone in front everyone to know that he under- ae Ttalign ny: heartily, Signor C1AmPr reminds me occa- sionally of t basso, Lionztxo Broveno, Mile. Baver- poner the Beceveloas refuses encore for her reat ee cng: ver very g unconscionabl obod time is, but only Wat the Tune o p- noe evidently intended to be considerate of her, as it is in the audience thinks what while the Barbiére is Delightful to listen to overheard, of a well-informed ao and are seldom ape and immediatel the lady when Sens walks on as Don i arble In the Singing - lesson Miss ARNOLDSEN gives us the “ Shadow ’ from Ah, charming!” exclaims the gen tleman in raj ‘0 he ever wrote.” Gporsean encored, 7 Well,” exclaims the lady, ra’ mares <1 A Best “* Home, Sweet Home !’ the “alighted at the canoe of petting, & ht and er ri i ing valuable information to his ncieindars. it was introduced here, like the“ Lest Rose a Weommr stack 40 16 thet ovr PO oOo. “ Don’t you remem a ees “Why does she ARNOLDSON ’s an vine ere. — a Q.C., in dashing his wig, and taking to the Lyric Italian es

sung. Cramrr behind me, who . says the gentleman, Don Basilio,” explains * Didn’t you, dear?” says

treading on. my toes, pple oor evening 1 ever remember pera. ’ returns the Doctor, somewhat re t beovity i is the he soal of of Tage, while you didn’t enjoy it the Composer strikes 8 patent ‘match-box, illumines wreday,—Fra Diavolo, y the first and only time this season. air in it is as familiar in my » I begin to doubt at all. Have mixed up ‘the 8 home in the fun of this enjoyed, rather. Inthe y more comic than the villain; in fact, Raverx the Reliable revels in the Ridiculous, and becomes —” prigtly end a, Bandeiity udience when - fe at her ta S55 sD and drew use am Dagnetine, pm Bye yb gallant Major A.D.C.), and to wr the nine for the first coach ; practice high-heeled aoen. cannot the way, want palatial toto ; the fight la lucifer from The Fire slowly walks ou = as household words, yet . if I have ever seen it before Sonna Ravettt the Reliable part than he was as A/maviva,—which he also Bed-room scene he is papih as Zerlina, Much interest ings ie preparing to go to rest. y in the morning, g to bed in tightly-laced stays, and oman hoow the small are in 8 You would never imagine their existence from the exterior as seen in the First Act, Signor Ciampi, as Lord Rocburg (first cousin to Lord Alleash), i made up after the caricatures of the travelling English in a F renich . His very modern travelling costume is an anachroni as his weeping — curl-papers, and dressing-gown, are of the He reminds me of ‘‘ The Swell” in the pantomime, Mantalini period. to receive most cruel treat- who, when there were comic scenes, ment from Clown and Pantaloon. As a whole, Ciampi and Mile. thorough burlesque couple ; ‘the lady being, of revels | course, the better half. I wait until the treacherous villain gives the signal for the bel capitan to poy into the trap, and then I rush out to get into my —— sit there i and see Ravewwi Riddled. conducts his Bendite-w x Saturday. —Lohe fas C4 the m believe {: but can’t i it. ms ly | Evidently — a big Operas at Covent Garden to small ones. not in the least as yet injured Opera or Theatres. Three or four Exhibitions can only i te one another.

Parenten Trrtz.—A Job-master starting in business asked a poetic friend to select for him some ay ym title He put ener the entrance to his establishment. more buying and being sold; the but what in the Exoelaor 8 try Are Pete aa Works, aay ey for the suggestion y ae System !’” “Ah! the course,” shod if the friend had been he would have received a couple of

Svs (Ponca-awp-) Jupice.—If, Woop shall have stated as ‘* Goop

ge to p his practice, Might suc-

5 a T. ,. — seat Map mae as, at “the end of this Hare—all requests to Mr. quit the establishment. would ys their Hare pected,

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(Jowe 30, 1888. AURORE Dba 2! AVL EAA he wneniinnmp” “7 ‘ . . i Me i HAPPY THOUGHT. Mrs. pon’r zeun!! Aca! Py ze vay, Mas, VENOMENON APOUT YOU ZsT YOU OCOULO LEND Ms FOR ZB OCCASION —JA ! VILL Burase Ze Perrise Bosiic, 1 ZE BERFORMER IS ONTER VIFE Triplets ‘‘ AND How Is Your Concert GerTine on, Hear Preirren !” Eminent Viotinist. ‘‘ PUpIFUL, a8 PAR AS DE BaogRAMME 18 GoNCERNED—BeerHoveN—ScaumAnn —Baaunms | TateLers, YOU DONT HAPPEN TO HAF 290@ A Z(NG AS A MoozICALIs1 INFANTILE Boe ze Dicxcers Gonzearina !—Panescao !—Pones !—GomsB !—aAynrzine YEARS OLT/” “WHAT A NICE LOT OF NEW FRIENDS |'M MAKING!” (A Catch for Three Vvices.) Bishop. lam clad, J Jor, to find have altered your mind About Secular Schooling. Your late recantation —— Brum. Fresh light, my dear Sir, dawns on all—save the blind. Bat recant !—oh ! pray spare me that insinuation— af term that is too theological ! Bu “Kew friends should let bygones be bygones, dear Bishop. Opp Come) SS een eae me never could g yw see him—excuse otnple tenn, gunte~tn thischen. a Y- 8 by + _~ ee he a nay ! nd yet now ace, as a at m Bishop. And I at my School ! 4 Brum jasids). Which my foes, I dare say, Will tell me looks like making | friends with the Pharisee. (Abed) Well, union of hearts is occasion for glee, I give you the toast of “‘ We Three!” gents! Tutti. ** We three!!!” Bishop. Tria fone in — means, m a hewn] Three un in one—should be party will snub Sor. ‘im, party, 3 no fear the ’ope of the nation. B I at toasts and ae =. knows which Sey And that’s not the my ‘art and toe THE DRAMATIC CRITIC'S DIARY. Monday.—Morning performance of a new and original farcical Comedy, in four Acts, called Plum-Pudding, by J. Sura. Bald peeeeatien of a German piece “‘ done into nglish ” several times Tuesday. —Special day performance of Macbeth: Lady me. Miss Rosina Syooxs ; it appearance on any las Wednesday. —Trial of Eaton Square: a 7, ow of High Life, by by Suaxspeake Ganrick Ports. Theatre half empty; entirely ‘‘dead heads.” Subsequent provincial tour of Mr. .o and “his great London Success Company.’ Thursday.—Special Matinée for the introduction of Mrs. Twenrr- stone in the character of Juliet. Romeo by her coach, Mr. Moszs "oe (established as a dramatic agent for more than fifty years Friday.—Three Matinées and four evening performances. Writing all night. so as to be in time for the morning papers. Saturday.—Visit to new invention in Curtains. Press break- fast. Inspection of Austro-Hungarian Exhibition. Press luncheon. Look in at the Royal Seotch Puppets. Press five o’clock tea. In- dinner at the new h ress banquet. Soirée at the Footlights Club. Press sup pper Sunday.—In the hands o the Doctor ! Rorat Mowiricence.—Mr. Paircuarp Morean has offered to present the Conductor of ip best Shas gonpciing the Ei with « Siton made of Welsh gold, to beoome pas & oy Choir winning it two years in succession. Meanwhile, of course, bdton will remain a real Gold Stick in Waiting. Broveut to 4 Hzap.—In a recent correspondence the Author of Tracked Out ho quetien Beg Sern. suhee whether a head can live that has no body. baw em not; = are many worthy bodies living with no sort head

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ae ite nn ne + «& “02a -s ~ i fae a, at Birmingham in the Meeting of National Society. yi pening of a Board School ”— Times’ Report of | ; ; ili didi | LOOM M RD 6 8 oy ppp ore ~ . — esa se = : Apa? ¢ 7

eZee. . Sor errmm tho). CPM AT "S44 ee 4a Gi “wi wes waa es ore lhe aw are mre awa ers wee ee ee rasan oe a Fs SS ww on ram goeeee a ae —- <= cs ai ( NI “WHAT A LOT OF NICE NEW FRIENDS I’M MAKING!” to the words of Mr. Joszru Cuaweerwatn at the o ls must have their place in the education of the people recognised PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Juxe 30, 1888. e255 Po ae ME ALLA TF ae ea ht i da AZ MOLES Si we Artrout Josern. 4 “ YW LED a Le

2. OO AD ~

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Juxe 30, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 309 AN AGGRIEVED UNIVERSALIST. —Are Editors to be allowed to do what And especially with Reverend tors?+ -Is a position t to lie down§ and be Senpled sae bya X Editor? Never! And I repeat ** Never” for ever.4] What is my complet lI ‘ ell, Sir, I sent a serious article to the high-class and high-coloured Almost Univer- blush Dear 8 with Contributors ?* like Contriba. “The Parson at the Play? O Fie!” Universal Review, Tune, p. 248. Editor, whose CounTERPaNer, illustrates my most serious text with pictures of ballet-girls{{ in such attitudes !—Oh, me!—and in th skirts!! Sir, I am very angry. nnoyed,—except when I tifully as to be the del lost my pet rooster, which crowed so beau- light of J pode neighbours. Do = remem- ber?§§ Ifnot, lam still more The Aggrieved Contributor, Thistledown Vicarage, Bray. H, E, Hawisa. + Still more certainly.—Ep. § Nonsense. Can’t write lying down.—Ep. q Monotonous for the audience.—Ep. | Don’t know. Consult a 2 * He can blush for himself. The colour of the Review its Contributor ought to be pleased with, as symbolical of Reddy Wit.—Ep. (This is meant to be complimentary. tt No, we wouldn’t.—Ep, t] How did the Reverend Contributor know they were ballet-girls? This letter seems to recall a similar case, concerning which the Rev. Mr. Hawe1s wrote last week to The Standard. He had contributed an article on The Parson at the Play—poor stuff, by the way—to The Universal Review, and Mr. QuittEr, the Editor, tried to enliven it with illustrations of ballet- some of which he might have had in stock, and wanted to work off. The only mistake was the introduction of an un-English pulpit, and an un-English-Churchman in it, preaching to some coryphees.—Ep. §§ “Do you remember?” Rather—“ Can you forget!” as Miss Grace Damtan 80 feelingly sings.—Ep. DONNYBROOK OUTDONE, “ The Fancy Fair in the old Irish Market-place at the Irish Exhibition ry: in consequence of the death of the German Emperor, is now fixe lor July 17, 18, 19, and 20.” Soy Inieed Sl tes bethed beens a in er t I h sans Sprig of Shillelagh, with Shamrock so green. With another guess Fair—that of famed Donnybrook— She too long has been linked ; but how lovely she’ll look, With smiling black eyes, but no blackthorn in fist ; The latter the Sassenac’ i ; may resist, But the former will make us all thralls to the Green ! TWO PROFESSIONS, Woop, the Jockey, plaintiff in Woop v. Cox, cheerfully owned to making £4000 a-year by Jockeyship.- No ‘‘ Whine from the Woop” about such an income. A Comedian makes from £40 to ar, eit gilt a “alt [te ae : Partiamentary Mvsicat Derisrrion.—‘'G minor,’’—HEesert GLADsTONE. Y | their year of ofishal ermen, ‘lone a Doe-un, and ou appy!” ROBERT AT A WENSON FEAST. Owe of them nice liberral intelligent gennelmen who kindly takes charge of the jewvenile Sheryffs, and turns ’em out at the hend of life quite fit and quite hegar for the more higher office of Ald 2 about of his werry hiest frends and aqwaintenses to dinner at that nice little L Hornches of : mH werry royal manor, And so was. I never never seed min BY aE = pee there and there jest to gi ew grand 0! ere j give ay rt el ig kg d gold, and th was a werry elegant Menu, and gold, and the contents, with pen Reygema sin the disti i cumpany, and the appy Chairman. But what a I appened quite by chance to see Brown a looking at one, then m6 pruning and a showing of it to one of brethren, and then they bo looked at me, and grinned again. So my kuriosi trally xcited, and I took one up and red it. And oh, of Upy and Franx Entetty! what did my ye nh read? Between Pant Wane Ga follering line al Wenson, ‘0 letters, "' Sucking Py, Sauce Fh et it ety = and { hinsulted, and Browns ribbledry hadded another pang to my woun feelings. I don’t mind confessing, now that it of my :werry fondest dreams was, when the inewitable t that I had not enuff patience for to Wait no longer, to leave my heneod ene - d with B, os it i memory for countless sei TT Osepers 8. The many hours I have diddicated to this noble haspiration is now all wuss than wasted! and O! the many boxes of no matter whoose p-lls I have had to swaller when my many werry Sying xpetaaene But all in wain; one cruel blow from a thoughtless Sheff has blited my fondest and lost me praps quite a nice little propputy. We builds up our Carsels of Cards hier, and hier, and hier, and with tears upon tears ; and jist as we thinks we is a going for to put the finishing touch to our great Picter, our grand Statty, or an emortal Sauce, somethink happens, and down comes the labour of ears, and we stands elpless and agarst, amid the ruins of our lives! But a troose to these sad thorts, and let us, as the French says, return to our Wensons. Well, our Buck wenson we , and our Doe wenson we braized, and amost every one of the gestes tried both, and werry few on ’em coud tell one from t’other, xcept of course the members of the Hepping Forrist Cummitty, who natrally knew both by instinkt. Sum few of the werry sewerest of the wensonian Crickits wentered to say as they didn’t think as it had bin kept hanging quite long enuff, but they all looked most remarkable small when Chairman informed ’em rather hanging i hanging all { is and it woud ha’ been mouth to see how The Chairman set lerd suit. What a nobel thing it ’ Wenson was consumed in the same natral and lib Tur Rute wirnour aw Exceprion.—Last Wednesday Botanical Gardens Flower Show. Kain of Might have been predicted. Gardens soaking, So much wet about—quite Botany Bay. Mas. Ram she thinks of sending her youngest nephew to an Agricultural College to study Farmacy. A srorrentre Liberal-Unionist said that “the ter-ter-trees he is most f-f-fond of are se-se-cedars.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI [Joxz 30 1888, OM RG ~ Sa SECRET MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY. (THURSDAY, JONE 2lsr.) Lord S-1-sb-ry and Chorus (fortissimo). “‘ Bur sorr! We MusT DISsEMBLE!” , - Coach, and go over the Falls of Ni in a barrel at the panorama ANOTHER LITTLE TALE OF “MR. G.” if York Street. Add to this that I propose swimming coe the Tu following little story of Mr. Grapsrows, which is said by the | Channel from Dover to Calais, writing the Drury Lane Pantomime, Manchester Guardian be “highly characteristic of his versatile | and appearing in the Harlequinade myself as Clown, entering a lion’s Gazette :— = cough, an fom ening i. p-- in the Ay boat —_ year “ After an interesting interview with a prominent author whose uain- | © 7 sate ee yon may pepe, Suse ve got tance he bad newly ~ rn in reply to a comttesus hope that his life and plenty of things ready to set my hand to, And what’s more; I mean strength might long be spared, Mr. Giaverows said: ‘Yes, I confess I wish | & do ’em. » ry: for two —~ objects. You can guess one of them. aa —_> Irish question. e other is to convince my countrymen substanti A New Cuaracrer 1s Jovrnwatism.—The “ Religious Editor” identity between the theology of Homzs that of the Old Testament.’ ”’ vide letter to Times, from the Editor of The Contemporary Pulpit, Having been favoured with another little of Mr. Grapstows | about the Bishop of Perzrsoroven's sermons—is a new of the same kind, and one which seems to be, if possible, even more | professionally in journalism. ‘I speak not for myself,” he writes; characteristic of his versatile intensity, we subjoin it without | the style of ‘‘ The Religious Editor” being quite Apostolic—much es. aie ae " aes more eet - bg the Bishop of Til tp deen whose letter of ft) a deeply religious controversy with a well-known | comp to times was characterised i , especially in Archbishop whom he happened to meet at a Garden Party, in | its joke about “ Extra”—" I not for xyaell,”” writer the B. E., ious i is life and with all humility, “‘ but for Religious Editors, when I say,” &c. And what he does say is, that he is quite to pay for the copyright of sermons by the Best Preachers, if one will revise his proofs, and put his name to his own discourse,—a proposition to which, as it appears, very few of the Best Preachers are inclined to accede. But, anyhow, ‘ The Religious Editor” is tful. What a paper, called let us say, “ Terewth,” Mr. might have = with Pocknif Uriah Hes X ae, and x ‘ew others, as Religious a BY, +) tremble at the bare possibility of such a notion. MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will hen accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule

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Joxe 30, 1888,] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. | LU Wil | “ Advance, A) “ Again ny ae Savoy !" 94 Aggrieved Tax-payer (An), 189 mou Universalist (An), 309 Dictionary, 1 's Catechism ene), 61 Al about about It, 130 = s hon ee “Siner Rs o ~ G.,” 310 yme, 17 oa Answer?” Lard Officialis: of the Adjective Toe) 214 sire = Islin — Sond 219 A tis vietsie, 169 Bactiivs our Bane, 111 an 87 four’s “ Irrepressible" Donkey, 18 Ballad of a late Occurrence (A), 242 Ballad of Bathybius, 47 Beak and the rd a cthe), 245 Bear or Bug-bear? “ Be in Time!” i Below the Horizon, 159 Benevolent Adulterator (Ay 52 * Best of Friends” saeaaaaee — = ll soeah a it of ‘Ahoy | jc (A Boat Aho ia Bonny Dundee | * Ment a oe 216 Bow of Boys sod too Dench tr (The), 245 iiicen in the Queen's Bench, 192 British Officer at Home (The), 240° Squashed Impressionist, 200 Caxsivet of Curiosities (A), 15 ar (The), 25 ** Celebrities” not “‘ At Home,” Squire (The), 154 ory the Connoisseur (The), 169 ALY ” News, 301 “ Derby Anticipations,” 264 Deux Yeux Bleus ! 137 Diary of a Nobody, ott ‘a 269, &c. Diary ofa Pessimist, 16 “ District Visitors,” 33. Dogberry’s Diary, 256 Domestic Melodies, 273 Doom of “ She” (The), 148 Doves with a ee, 7 Down on Donnelly, 207 Dramatic Critic’s Diary (The), 306 Draper's Sacrifice (The), 153 Eariy Bird (An), 113 Effeuillant la Marguerite, 237 Enough to Drive one Wild! 81 ce of Parliament, 71, 75, 95, &c. Eviction ! 131 Evident, 189 Ex-Austin, 81 Exhibition-Lover’s Vade Mecum, 225 Experientia Docet, 87 Extract from “ Evelyn's Diary,” 112 Fare and Fowl, 72 Farewell, old Friend ! 159 Faust ap ~) histopheles, 134 Feelin, ‘ootlights, 50 * Piel ng” ond Running, 209 First Night at the Play (A), 105 Food, Flowers, and Myste my 298 From Brompton to Denmark and Italy, 233 Georce Joxi, 165 Germany, 126 Giving Odds— Bar One, 41 Goethe and the very Dickens, 195 Golden Egg again (A), 133 G. O. M. to G. Y. M., 276 “Good Old Grace,” 265 Grandolphian -——w 88 Great Fight (The), 38 Guns an rges, 208 Hawnp and Glove at a New Spa, 262 Hanglodannish Exhibishun "he), 244 Hanglodannish Xhibishun (The), 261 Hansom Is, 287 Harbinger of Spring (The), 217 Haymarket Pom orers (The), 173 Hercules in the Augean Stable, 74 Hibernia, 118 Holiday Conversation-Book (The), 21 Holiday Maker's Vade Mecum (The), 10 Home and “ a House” ), 16 Homeless ! 266 Honoured in the Breach, 40 How it Strikes the Clock, 178 How to out of it, 18 Has’ and Husbandry, 22, 158 “I'm Afloat |” 83 Catechism (An), 83 t Politicians, 229 Inharmonious Bismarck ithe), 1 In re “ Wykehamist” mite,” 100 In the Arena, 64 In the Days of King Fog, 26 “In the Days when we went Gipsying,” 121 In the Name of England—Guns and Men, 249 * Intoirely Molloydious,” 30 In Vino Veritas, 38 Ismail out of t, 58 Italiano in Covent-Gardeno, 222 Italiano in Kensingtonio, 279 Italian Peace-Preserver (An), 39 Ixion, 207 ** Jack 's Alive!" 69 James's Abdication, 282 Japan in Loudon, 184 John Bright, 279 Joseph Joking Goschen, 126 ** Joseph's Sweetheart,” 146 Justice to the Ladies, 132 Just One More, 184 Kaiser Wilhelm, 136 “ Keats and his Hampstead Home,” 154 Kind Uncle Sarum, Lapy-in- Waiting (A), 8 Lament of the Latter-Day Ape, 57 Lane and Garden, 5 L’ Art! C'est Moi! 147 Last Vocation (A), 36 Latest Society Sensation (The), 237 latest Telegraphic Intelligence, 113 Lat-in for a Speech, 289 L’Audace | | 201 5 to the Nation, 225 na before Wicket,” 94 Legislation for the Session, 45 Lenten Discourses, 87 Lesson in Law (A), 73 ** Less than (Man) Kind,” 40 Letter-Bag of Toby, M.P., 9, 13, 25, &e. Letts be Correct, 221 Liberal Universit: pean (A), 88 Long Farewell (A), Look Ahead (A), > Lord Charles's Farewell, 40 Lost to Sight, 288 Love's Labour Lost, 190 Mapame la République, 170 strate’s Song (thes, 279 ing it Hot for the Sweaters, 282 “ Marry not come up,” 3 Master Ritchie's Easter-Egg, 150 ag = Arnold, 195 Minstrelsy, 214 hme for leasure,’ "217 Merely a Suggestion, 154 Merry London, 243 “ Merry Wives” at Oxford (The), 274 Metropolitan Mems., 274 Military Mi Matinée (A}, 276 ow Bye ite Measurers, 82 o ol Agitator” (The), 205 Model Bye-Laws, 298 Mr. Arthur Roberts's Lament, 1 Mr. Punch's Alarmist Alphabet, 230 Mr. Punch's Congratulations to Two Rising Young Men, 85 ar. ‘Punch's reat Derby Oryptogram, . Punch’s Examination Papers for ty tay wy 46, 57, © jan Possessions, 193 . Punch's Very Queer Stories, 132, 142, Masical Note (A $3 2% and Future, 280 Mrs. R. (A ie rs. (A), 242 New Readin ext Time, 181 News of the House of Savoy, 185 Next Armada (The), 230 Nobody at Home, ry No King like Not Out of the ‘Wood, 177 Not so Bad as it Seems, 87 Novels as they are a 202 Nursery Rhymes. Opp-Evrp One Cine 169 p , 256, 200, &e. O Templer! O Mores! 182 Our Advertisers, 45, 101, 208, Ac. Our Booking-Office, 17, 28, 00, &c. Our Comic lor, 207 Our Debating Club, 24 Our “Junior Classic” sgain, 76 Our Only Everything, Our Private View of tne Roy al Academy, 220 Our Real Grievance Office, 114, 121 Our Winter Exhibition of the Works of quel lan 101 Oyster Corner, 136 py ey Owl, os (The), 00 orse, 186 Pla: Ley Py t,t * (A), 198

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312 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL (Jows 30, 1888,

Plea for the People’s Poet (A), 50 P! = Pair and a Golden Wedding, 111 P s from the Police Courts, 179 Postrs and Pastry, 34 Posted Up, 17 Presentati: n at St. Petersburg, 12 Sons (The), 196 ye &1M i Riders, i Redivi va, 4 meph, 9S re ting it Of mm Pro Qu Sui te “ Taker Ras DOLPN ir Range of Poss Rare Aves, 265 Real ‘‘ Emergency Man Rea! Pree Trade 112 Real Grievance Office (The), 85 ** Real Little Lord Fauntleroy (the), 239 Real “ Richmond Gem “ (A), 27 Recognition of Inhumanity (The), 193 Recommended, 126 Recreation gone Wrong, 255 Red-Tape Tangle (The), 282 Reminiscence (A), 170 Re-Moving Tale (A), 41 Return of the Wanderer (The), 135 Rime of a Famous Fictionist (The), 3 Ritchie's Dream t Robert and Car! bes yea, 81 Robert at a We I Robert at the i — \ Robert at the en's Ps ancy Ball, 48 Robert on Spell ng, 11 “ Robert” (or Sh Hine) Dinner (The), 186 Robert's Domestic Trubbies, 137 Robert's Silver Wedding j Robert's Silver Wedding Rose and the Ring (The), 125 Round the First; or, Getting Down to Avoid, 280 Rows all Round, 54 Royal Academy Banqnet (The), 221 Royal Parks and Pleasure Gardens, 279 Royal Society of Painters in Water- Colours (The), 204 Rain in Three Years, 20 Soorcn Mixture, 123 Secret Out (The) ** Seeing Roberta, ** Self-Educat Settling their Sunda Seven Hundred a Y« Shakspearian Discovery. | ; Shallabalah Mahar ajah (Th ‘Shiver our T Shooting Niagara, 177 Short and Sharp, 277 Shut, Sesame ! 274 Silver Wreath for a Silver Wedding, Singh Song, 33 Sir Roger de Co 162 Six to the irprises, 193 ty (The), 297 (A), 274 = a Im, 276 ” 189 1 ng Profeasior or. 80 m be 110 verley on the Situation, Half-dozen, 285 if the Ring,” 133 (The), 89 i yet Uncertain, 267 263 “ Slaves “ Slogger Slow and Shaw, at Some Epsom Outsiders, Something Fishy ! 04 Something like a Cemetery, 240 Something like a Conversion, 195 Something New for Alexander, 117 Song of the Lost Season (A), 184 Spirited Policy (A), 9 Stanley, 262 Stitch in Time (A), 237 St.-Justification, 113 Strange Case of Merrit Strangers for the Strangers, Studies from Mr. Punch's Stuc ai », 157 “Sach Good Boys |" 90 Suggestion for Re-arrangi Court, 105 “ Sure as Féte,” 103 Surrey Site (A), 261 Sweater’s Furnace (The), 1 Tavivum Medicum, 4 Taken at a Disadvantage, Taken by Surprise, 184 “ Taking Soundings,” 210 “ Teachers’ Guild ” (The), 287 Tennyson in Shoreditch, 53 Testimonial to the Situation, 77 “ Thanks for Kind Inquiries,” 70 Theatre of the Future (The), 217 Then, Now, and Hereafter, 63 “This is a Montagu,” 180 Thorough, 228 ** Three Jolly Post-boys |! Three 's Company, 165 Three Views of Justice, 85 “To be Baron Knutaford, To May, 230 To Our Volunteers, 170 To the ‘ 7 Times,” 17 Tourists’ Talk, 204 ng a Scene in 72 234 105

To W. G., 23 Toying with a Purpose, 308 Tried by the Furniss, 195 True Brett "Un (A), 53 Twister by Trade (A), 150 Two Jubilees, 2 Two pe ye ey 106 U scommow ts for Common Council- men, 216 Unemployed | 83 “ Unprotected Female " (The), 246 Upon Amaryilis, 37 Vatuasce Literary Fragment, 264 Mi Sweet Lavender, 149 i” (The), 294 Voous Populi, 1, 28, 100, &e. Voice from Patna (A), 170 Voice of Peace €), A Volanteering a n, 200 Wartine for the May, 213° Want and No Supply (A), 47 Water-Colour Institute (The), 196 Watery Grievance (A), 53 Watkin _— and the Gladstone Ply e W. B.'s a “What a ys ‘Room) Day we are having!” 100 “What a Nice Lot of New Friends I'm Making!” 306 Wheel and Woe, i189 “ Where's Ramagate’?” 70 Which is It? 192 “ Wife's Secret” (The), 181 Wines of Old (The). 221 “* Winter's Tale” — (A), 229 With all their Art, Word in Season (A), r LARGE wow ercgpaay “ Att on the Downs,” 258, 25 Balfour's “ Irrepressible” ‘i 19 Bear or Bug-bear? 31 ** Best of Friends " (The), 103 Birds of [ll Omen, 7 Consol-ation, 139 “ Delightful |” 7 Enter Bismarck, Germany, March Hy 1888, 127 In the Arena, 66, 67 “Is Life worth Living,” 163 L' Audace |! 198, 199 Master Ritchie's Easter-Egg, 151 New Friends, 271 New “ Jun<tion ™ (The), 43 “ Panic amongst the Pigs,” 223 Perils of a “ Pleasure-Horee” 1(The), 187 Red-Tape Tangle (The), 283 Return of the Wanderer (The), 55 * Buch Good Boys!” 91 ** Taking Soundings,” 211 “Three Jolly Pestboys |" 235 “U nprotected Female ” (The}, 247 ** Vigil ” (The), 295 Waking him up! 115

What Next? 175 SMALL ENGRAVINGS. Acapemy Pictures, 220 Alderman Buggins buttonholes Artist, 78 American Siffleuse in Society (The), 246 Anglers without their Tackle, 291 Aristocratic Shopkeepers, 219 Aunt Jane and Ladies’ Photos, 214 Anstralia Shuts out John Chinaman, 255 Baby Gladstone and Home-Rule Soap, 93 Back to Parliament after Easter, 1380 Barométre Politique, 253 Beresford and “‘ Invisible Armada,” Bishop's Cautious Reply (The), 150 Bismarck and the Empress, 152 Bismarck Extinguishing Cupid, 171 Biue-Ribbon Ourate and Tipsy Artisan, 111 Board of Works Blackmailer, 290 Bobbie asks Maud for a Souvenir, 64 Boulanger’s New Character Song, 142 Bradlaugh Rey 143 “ Brayvo, "Icks ! Bridal Pair pat to Paris (A), 70 Brothers who held Miss M.'s Hands, 18 Brown's Landlady and the Telegram, 159 *Bus-Conductor’s Flirtation (A), 195 *Bus-Driver and Lady Fares, 294 Chamberlain as Fishery Commissioner, 106 Channel Tunnel Spider and Fly, 302 Commons Cricket Match (The), 287 Coster not going to Epsom, 242 Crowded London “ Open Space” (A), 184 Debate on the Address (The), 85 Definition of a “‘ Cherub,” 94 Dragoon and Curate, 249 Duchess’s Theatrical Costame (The), 114 East Winds—or Twins? (The), 123 Edwin, Angelina, and Bilious Gent, 126 Effeminate-Looking Boys, 30 Excursionists at the Rains, 51 Faust and Mephistopheles, 134 Female Students at Universities, 59 Fight between Allopathy and Homceeo pathy, 38 French Marguerite (A), 237 French Viscount and English Baronet, 97 Funny Man's Success in Society (A), 174 Gallant Tar C. B, attacking the Admiralty Land-Lubbers (The), 61 Gladstone Bond Double Irish Jig (The), 63 Gladstone's Attitudes, 167 Going to a Fancy Ball as ‘‘ Dawn,” G. O. M-unchausen (The), 158 Goschen Wrapped in his Budget, 191 Grandchildren awaking Bachelor Guest, 22 Grandinamma and’ Naughty Grandson, 83 Grandolph as Diogenes, 99 Grandmother and Grand-danghter, 298 Greengrocer's Garden-Roller (A), 228 Hansom Cabman and Fare, 207 Hawker's Mop (A), 231 Having a House fit for a Gentleman, 286 Hercules Cleansing the Augean Stable, 74 Herr Schmidt's Great Feat, 166 How to get a Card for the Dance, 274 Humane Society's Ice-M 243 170 Duchess’s an (A), 12

Hunting Sleigh for Snowy Weather, 153 Husbanding One's Resources, Huxley and the Mermaid, 47 Inebriate Gent and Matec Machine, 84 Irish Contributor's Wier (An), 87 Irving Macaire and Italian Soldier and the Nees ‘An), 177 Japanese School of Painters ie), 50 Jew Sweater's Furnace (The), 122 Jobn Bull and Australia, 251 Jones and Brown Retorting, 230 Joseph's First Love, Democracy, 146 King Fog, 26 Ladies Dining in the Hotse, 95 Ladies Introduced to an Aged Author, 42 Ladies Meeting for the Sixth Time, 6 Lady with Three Colds at once, 154 Landing of W. E. G. at Dover, 77 i Spoiling the Figure (A), 57 Lecturer’s —s Audience (A), 54 ** Le Grand Pri Lending Two Pairs of Trowsers, 84 Lessons to Ladies in Bookmaking, 222 Little Lord Fauntleroy and the -b ae 239 Local Government Bill (The), 227 Locking Up the Decanters, 186 Lords and Commons at the Derby, 263 | Luckily Insured before being Killed, 190 Mamma Chastises Tommy, 137 Marriott and the Ex-Khedive, 58 = 4 Portrait very like—all but the Face, Master Hamlet Minimus and Mother, 41 Mistress and the Maid's Character, 279 Modern Venus attired by Workwomen, 278 Mr. Gladstone's Dream in Florence, 23 Mr. Punch congratulating the Prince and Princess of Wales, 110 Mr. Punch's Academy for Juveniles, 46 Mr. Punch’s Twelfth-Night Characters, 11 Musician wanting Infant Prodigy, 306 Name of “‘ Gentleman” (The), 27 New Gallery (The), 288 Noble Lord and his Butler (A), 277 Old Lady and the Trombone-Player, 147 Our Japanneries, 241, 263, 287, &c. Outcast Portrait Gallery and Rifle Asso ciation, 266 Oxford and Cambridge Balloon Race, 133 Painter and Adverse Oritic, 183 Parliamentary “‘ Cave of Harmony,” 107 Parliamentary Early Birds (The), 119 Parliamentary Owl on the Pounce, 69 Parliamentary Transformation Scene, 71 Paterfamilias and Banjoist Daughter, 270 Photographic Parson's Mistake (The), 39 Pickpocket and Visitor at Races, 262 * Pleasure Horse” in London (The), 268 Perambulators Blocking Pavement, 267 Political Originals and their a 250 Pope and Queen Victoria (The), 2 Private Views of Academy Pictures, 273, 285 Prof. Herkomer illustrates Moonlight, 208 Punch and the Centenarian Times, 14 Pupils introduced to Schoolmaster, 98 Quartette (A), 135 Reason for Worse Stammering (A), 40 Rector Averages his Collections, 202 Result of the Universities’ Race, 72 Ritchie as Richard the Third, 194 Royal Academicians Varnishing, 179 Royal Academy Cotillon, 218 Scarlet Letter Day at Cambridge, 299 Secret Meeting of Conservatives, 310 Sir Cardinal and the Big *‘G,” 82 Sir John Lubbock Fly ing, 206 Sloppy Picture (A), 201 Smuggyns claims his Dance, 254 Speaker's Portrait by Lika Joko, 275 Stout Lady at a Private View, 226 Stout Man in Trap, and Jaded Horse, 213 Strongbow or Lo ? 76 Sturdy Briton’s Model Nobleman (A), 180 Suffolk Farmer's Hand at tg 10 Swell and Sweatin; —— Swell Cadger and ing Sweeper, 210 Theatre Royal, St. Stephen's, 232 Three Incidente in Schoolboy Life, 186 Toby Complimenting W. H. Smith, 155 Toby greeting a and Gladstone, 75 Tommy's Aunt the Elgin Marbles, 118 Tommy's Half of a Mince-Pie, 15 a. Boots and 141 ‘0 a vw oy . a racing her Footsteps now," Trysting! Places in the Parks, 282 Turkey's Notice to Prinde ney 3 131 Two very Tall Men in « Ball-Room, 90 Uncle Sarum's Cabinet — 86 Visiting Pretty Women, 138 Volunteer Bicyclist—‘‘ Left Wheel |” 148 Warren's Whitening, 73 What the Curate is to Preach about, 178 Winter Costumes for a ~—) 100 With the Ninth Queen's cers, 62 Works of Young Masters ), 35 Wyndham discovering Rossy $2 Young People growing in Li to Parents, 102

LONDOS ; BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., PRINTERS WHITEFRIARS,

Page 443

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Junez 30, 1888,

ALLMAN’ Ss

To be had at Clubs, Hotels, and Restaurants, and in casks of all Wholesale Wine and Spirit Merchants throughout the United Kingdom and Colonies,

CORK DISTILLERIES COMPANY GIX PRIZE E MEDALS re TRISH WHISKY. First ihe 76 “YNQUESTIONABLY ast as fine one could wish to see. suseee’ Awe yo Cork Exhibition, i THIS FINE OLD IRISH WHISKY may be had of the principal Wine and Spirit Dealers, and is supplied to whale sale merchants in casks and cases by CORK D DISTILLERIES COMPANY MOKRISON’'S ISLAND, CORK, BURGOYNE’S Australien WINES. TINTARA, BRANXTON BURGUNDY, HIGHERCOMBE, QLD VINTAGE PORTS. 1861, 1863, 1865, 1868, 1870, 1872, &o. GUARANTEED, 8S. JOHNSON & SONS, WATH-ON-DEARNE, YORKS. Est. A.D. 1799. ‘J. EXSHAW & 60.S FINEST OLD BRANDY. . per doz. in Cases as imported. T. W. jad adlewn & Co., 03, Regent Street, W. | GOLDEN BRON: ZE HAIR— The lovely nuance “ Foncee”’ can be ried to Hair of any bo —— = be using tela only by W. WINTER, 672, 0xford Bt, London, Price 6s. 64., 0s. 6d.,2is. For tmting grey or faded Hair ARINE is invaluabie.

aw in all wenthers. Mud can ind remeina, Sold eve

Gold Modal, PRG Paris, 187 THE CROSSTREE ® | |paTewr anuusring BRAC E _ tubecituting the VERTICAL for the Diagenal ~ ~4 substi I he Ordinary «nd other Patent Hraces. Ita@ords IMMENSE COMFORT to the wearer by ge gS Sy af readily to EVERY MOVE- MENT of PRE VENTS THE CoMPRxssi0M OBB TRADE MAE

NON-MERCURIAL The BEST and SAPEST ARTICLE tor CLEANING sii Vin ELECTRO- SQUIRE & SONS,

Botanic Medicines” iNewisrdst,w.c.' @R0CE1/- STOMACH, and allows full play to the and MAPPIN & WEBB'S 'S x glans sxe Wasah, June 8, HOLLOW | S A F E S ad moat comfortaule we have — GROUND Price from @s. 64. (duplicate

WILL PREVENT Br ALL. ENTERPRISING JEWEL ROBBERIES | \nostrass “sourany,” = \<ect 7“ L 55. Eastahen, jon, EB. Pascoe Liers sent Fars, Agents wanted where not ebveaty ady repre ceents i} asd Toe 128, QUEEN ss STRERT, _ —. ‘ost e frum 68, ST. JAMES’S STREET, Pall Mail, London. q 158, Oxford Street, W., SHEFFIELD :-:=!%*,"-| some paiwsmeap @ some LOHSE’S

Londen, ce from the yor Mortalk Street, PIANOFORTES (MAIGLOCKCHEN ) In Case Complete, Chefleld. are the perfection of touch, tone, and durability. LI LY oes pani seveeeee 18, 2, and 22, WIGMORP STRELT, LONDON, W. Far oF ie as to all ‘ne RAZORS. ieee Poe free. a dy VALLEY PERFUME is the most fashionable of the day sold by all high class {erfumers GUSTAV LOHSE, BERLIN

’ Cures Skin iseases. «t/SAMUEL BROTHERS.|\WRIGHT’S % Boys’ School euitie Messrs, SAMUEL BROTHERS have ready E 0 A L TA R fooge queovtmpanes bone Yours’ Cuotawe. | Protects from Small They be Se | pleased Pox, Fevers, and $ 0A p —_— application, ies Measles. ad ’ — a wear of Gentle- BENZINE COLLAS—BENZINE COLLAS . < -m CLEANS GLOVES,—CLEANS DRESSES. S EA S ALT , CLEANS GLOVES,—CLEANS DRESSES, with their new CLEANS GLOVES,—CLEANS DRESSES. a Bath s oe - per bata. ENZINE COLLAS—BENZINE OOLLAS o Bearieoves Tae onerane gatas. | BRACING AND REFRESHING. Phow PUnMITUME Ghote | OF ALL CHEMISTS, é&c.

artments, Price Lists, ~ Messrs. Sax: | PRENZINE COLLAS—BENZINE GOLLAS, ve. Broruens’ See the word COLLAS on the Label, TOBACCONISTS COMMENCING. “Wear Kesist- Bee the word COLLAS on the Cap. OW TO OPEN REMUNERATIVELY from ony ; a Fabrics ~ amount. mpws vee eae oF large. lUlustrated b . are espe tfree), LESSER FPRIBDLANDER, dally adapted BENZINE -COLLAS—BENZINE GOLLAS. §, Houndedlich, London. Batablished 60 years for More’ Haan Sold every where, 6d., ls., and ls, 6/. per # Wean. Agents: J Sanozn & hon, 499, Oxford Pe w. ~ Fc tga tam | TORPID LIVER POSITIVELY CURED Mr, HENRY CARTER ay 4 —-- 65 & 67, Ludgate Hill, Lonpon, E.C, anes ———— BY THESE LITTLE "ILLA IRVING writes; | TLE Indigestion. and To THE y & AN “I find your Hearty Hating. A per

I )

fect remedy for Diss rasors excellent.” aa: ae. Deow PATENT pees, Sas Taste , n th outh, Coated Tongue In Case complete. Vain in the Side, and DIAGONAL Black Handle, 5/6 Ixapacus. They regu toorg do. 7/6 late the Bowels and SEAM CORSET From all Dealers, or direct from the Pa les been | ° English Depot, 51, Frith Street, Scho and easiest to take. Svcan Coarro Puascr Will not split in the seams Bquare, London, Ww. Veorrasie, do not gripe or purge, but by their or tear in the Fabric. lentie action please ail who use them. HEatablish Exquisite M.de'. ————_—_— 456. Standard Pill of the United States, In phiais at ls. ljd, Sold by all Chemists, or sent by post en FOR DELICATE CHILDREN. SMALL PILL. SMALL DOSE. SMALL PRICE. THREE GOLD MEDALS. lilustrated Pamphiet free | eis i amg 5 [ aft Beepene end British Depét, 46, Holborn Viaduct. London, B. ~ MADE WITH BOILING ay $0 | IRE’ S ADAMS’S E Pp jp S’ S FURNITURE OLISH. CRATEFUL—COMFORTING, F lH cM CAL THE OLDEST = LIS COCOA qf sam Ie Sold by Grocers, lronmongers, Olimen, &e. Manufactory—SHEFFIELD. MADE WITH BOILING MILK, ——_—_———— - e e * a

| A PHOSPHATIC FOOD. Tn Bottles, 2s., 3s. 64., and 6s. each of Chemists, Or by Parcel Post free direct from

LATE, &c. FIVE GOLD ED. awarded, Hee Maseert’s Curmicts, fold every where. in Koxes. a 2s. 64.. and 4. 64. 413, OXFORD STREET, LONDON, PANU A RAG \sest 5 Sarest Dewrae SL SOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS PURELY VEGETABLE. Per | AND PERFUMERS, IN

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nate. mB SAMo!¢ tte

Page 444

PoLisy gaze ST WONT WASH a ab —= , — ma re } “ BEY ae CG yf Gye 4 - ts —— WA es Sold by Grocers, Ironmongers, and General Dealers throughout the Country. If not obtainable near you, send 4d. in stamps for full-size Bar, free by post; or 1s. for Three Bars, free by post (mentioning *‘ Punch’’), to | B. BROOKE & CO., 36 to 40, YORK ROAD, KING'S GROSS, LONDON, N. ssemced Oy Wilam Stuart Se ih oc Ne a Lorene Read, Holloway. in the Porat of St. Mary, Islingcom, in the C amty of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury. aru, & .»., Lombard Strect am the . pecimel of Wikterurs, 2 toe City os Landon. ond Funan be Rm ut By, o, Fleet otreet, im the Parbh o. ot oride, Wty of Lomuen.—oartaval, dune ltée, ee ee me wn F 7 PUL TTS.. Me P 0 ila ae “ Seger Soke act ene DGS oh nig ci SaaS cS ey ra — = a ; > says 2 - A See Ey F