Punch 1888-06-16: Vol 94 Iss 2449

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Burglar Bill AND OTHER PIECES. By THE AUTHOR OF “VICE VERSA.” “ A book of genius in its own way. Some (of the pieces amazing in their clever- ness, and all are extraordinarily sul Pace beat euanves. wer ’ “ Full of humour.”—SCOTsMan. “ We don’t know whether the poetical pieces, or the introducti: j ; ( r th » ion, remarks and §: rec- tions, are the more side-splittingly funny; the more important point ts that they help each other out, & produce an artistic whole of irresistible comicality.”—MANCHESTER EXAMINER. PRICE ONE SHILLING, at all the Booksellers’ and at the Railway Bookstalls,

I Th ‘4 yigtf he") (Y l hie ri ont re y |= SS 5 iN ‘ SS Ri NS ot Wy I 4 X wii yw M Dey wh ' iy | Ni NYE 4 | e 4 1 ' | i > atl > ¢ n~ o~ nt Fett mM “i ey ral idl t <0" 2289.7.) 2 —e ee ST ers et POLE VOL Ai ME DOA’ TP = pay aap ‘ }

PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS.

THE THAMES, by G. D. LESLIE, R.A. Our River. 65 Ilustrations, Royal 8vo. 12/6.

“ So life-like are the sketches, and so happily worded are the descriptive lines which amplify them, that in imagination one can enjoy the best bits of river scenery in our own arm chair.”—MORNING POST. “ A pleasant record of some of the most pleasant stretches of the river.” —Fve.o. “ As a boating guide it is greatly to be commended; it indicates all the most attractive stretches of scenery; tt vecalls the legends and historical memories of the past, as it is full of interesting reminiscence: of the author's artist friends.” —SaTUROAY REVIEW.

“SONS3d SB3SUHL B90INd

Post. Office an a Newenaner.!

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Junz 16, 1888. Now ready, fep ®vo, price One Shilling, PICTURES AT PLAY; Or, Dialogues of the Galleries. By TWO ART CR/TICB lilastrated by Hasar Punwse. London: LONGOMANS, GREEN, @ CO. Now ready. Vote 1 n ‘ ~oe n Eight Quarterly Vols ny? THE HENRY IRVING SHAKESPEARE. + Ie wane aes Wee 5 een J ies strated ~% apos Kaew BLACKI Ladi “ ~~, & Of mer STRUGGLES, )HTON thoee * that we chowid engest 00 S28 pepeia AcabemyY The work is « library in mee ona ite value beyond all priee.””"—Onamtiss Un Wms end TIl., Kadi tes "FOR. ‘LIFE — By ame & Nonos T., Henrietta St ‘Covent @ ~- rden Les MATRIMONIAL Wi HERALD | AND FASHIOUASLS MAREIAGS end omly recognised medium it Int Bete tions. The ia t and most successful ae a imonial Agency im the World. Price 34.; in ope. as— Astron kaitor, @, Lamb's Conduit Str le STUTTERING ls qu ekly an 4 thoroughly cured by the stabiishment ot ROBERT ERNST h —_ In. W., POTSDAMERSTR., 37. vepectus gratis and post paid. PARTRIDGE & COOPER, THE” STATIONERS 192, FLEET STREET. THE REDCLIFFE PATENT RICK without Straw carne or Thateher m 23 108. Leer Loverime. 5 Sa ~~ uEY WOOD Col, 2” and pt, Co Hi The two Patent Kh wn you at an 4 sider them a great — out good te the very top of that ‘hn a certain portion nierior a o for List, REDOLIFFE ae aeie SAINTE C0., stead « = “e lity Prices, and Testimonials BRILL’S SEA SALT. 14d. per Bath. BRACING AND REFRESHING. OF ALL CHEMISTS, &. THE PERFECTION OF TOBACCO. BEAUTIFULLY COOL and SWEET. B Picasune 1 OM) Mr. HENRY! IRVING writes: “I ten —F 4 ‘AZOR | ‘e Case complete. Black Handie, 5 6 lwerg = do 76 From all Deale English Depot, 51, Square, London, W, First produced and designated CORN FLOUR by BROWN & POLSON in 1856. BROWN & POLSON’S CORN FLOUR) ===" The Was in the field sometime before any other was anywhere heard of, and no other has now an equal claim to the public confidence. VAN HOUTEN’S pure so.uste OOCOA BEST & GOES FARTHEST. “tt is admirable.’—BRITISH MEDICAL JOURNAL. = eT CIE, UNDER ROYAL PATRONAGE, ’ CORSETIERES. 134, NEW BOND STREET, W. LOHSE’S (MAIGLOCKCHEN ) VALLEY PERFUME is the most fashionable of the day, sold by all high class ferfurners. GUSTAV LOHSE, BERLIN “FOR THE BLOOD IS THE LIFE.” CLARKE’S WORLD-FAMED BLOOD MIXTURE. Is warranted to cleanse the blood from a!! MAPPIN & WEBB’S ELECTRO PLATE. THE SANITARY "EUCALYPTUS SOAP’ Purifies the Skin and Beautifies the Complexion. WHITAKER & GROSSMITH, 2, SILK STREET, CITY, LONDON. ls. 64. Box of 3, at Chemists and Grocers, or direct. CHUBB’S SAFES WILL PREVENT JEWEL ROBBERIES Patce Liers sent raes. 128, QUEEN VICTORIA STREET, F.C.; 68, ST. JAMES’S STREET, Pall Mall, London. TOBACCONISTS COMMENCINC. from wmaTsvenr cause . For Sovetuln Seurry, hcaema, Skin and Blood and Sores of all kinds. its effects are marvellous. It is the only real specific for Gout and tic Pains, for it re- moves the caus from the blood and bones. In bottles, 2s. 6¢. and lls. each, of all Chemists. Sent for 38 or 132 stamps by the Proprietors, and Midland Counties Drug Co., Lincoln. BEWARE OF WORTHLESS IMITATIONS. eowawe cea or SALT. the Roya! Family TIDMAN SALT. W's 8 and approved by Dr. Hassall. ‘TIDMAN’S SEA SALT. Constantiy recommendéed by Medical Men. TIDMAN’ 8 SEA SALT. Has given Strength and Vigour to Millions Beware > tations Every See ane tee dman's name and Trade Mark OW TO OPEN from a amount. however ’ Tilustrated post free). LESS | +> ER, 3,H h, London. hed 69 years. JEWSBURY & BROWN’S Oriental & “Tooth a "Pas te. Mestle’s + Boot, bein and entire in itself and merely an au ui) req It is recommended by the equivalent to Teepe Mane. NESTLE'S FOOD AN ENTIRE DIET FOR Supplies all the cleponts necessary for the complete nourishment d growt frame. a h of the human partly composed of mi water to make it instantly ready re milk to be added in « or nan Medical Authorities 4 the nearest MILE. Pamphiet, with Se st scuins sent a pune on application to INFANTS. milk, is complete amply the adpities of or use. It is not other Infant's Foods, which r use. and requires s They are the best, most reliabie, easiest and « high-class Rezors known, and are highly wy ty Price &. the set of P. A ARBENZ, 107 & 108. Great Charla well — as the first iw the now eclchusted and largely-imitated GEM AIR GUNS. THE “PREMIER” RAZOR STROPPING MACHEN Every Machine Guaranteed. “Tested i every way, om razors keen and biunt, the ‘ane trouble, science, or skill eeive in its use "i merely ‘ax your razor » holder, edge wards, turn a handle slowly for a few seconds, behold the wenae m is as keen— weil, jet — rate razor should be.""—Exraacr ov Trerimon: J. GORDON, Winchester H Street, London, E.C. M°CALL’S PAYSANDU OX TONGUES. USED IN THE ROYAL NURSERIES ~ BEST FOOD INFANTS In Tins, 1s., 2s., 5s. and 10s. each. SAVORY & MOORE, w AND SOLD EVERYWHERE BEDFORD SHEAFB , INDERS. ouse, Old. »"

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SERIES

June 16, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

i . f '?) ; / < || \)

i ‘ {| hi TYPICAL MODERN DEVELOPMENTS. A NOBLE LORD AND HIS BUTLER. iy

Scunz—Scotland Yard. SHORT AND SHARP. (Latest Style.) Prominent Member of the Clan-na-Gae STRANGE CASE OF MERRIMANIA—COMPLETE CURE. Dear Mz. Ponca,

“TI do not advise you to visit the Picture ” he he felt my “pot | he Galleries, said, ap be sudden tion from Iam to say that the from the railway to the ex-happy hunting-grounds of Buffalo Bitt, and walk the Theatre, did me a world of good. passed under seeming! of artifical vines, T became duller and dalle, and = he rete fromm oh tho of Brith — 00, a ‘ facture. I passed through « marq some Minstrels in the

1 Conspiracy gang discovered interviewing Chief of Detective | Association. Department. Prominent Member. The top o’ the mornin’ to ye, Misther Inspeo- tor. Shure now ye didn’t expect to see me at all? ef fs Department, On the contrary, Mr, O’Brazer, I was advised of y our visit. Prominent Member. Ah! there now! Shure, ye know every- thing} Maybe, now, ye’ve got hold of my little programme ? Chief of Department. Yes, I think I can give it you. per from pi hole.) You were to blow up the i onan d, : Clock Tower to-day, B Palace to-morrow, 4 7 Tht is corredt. I think ? pa and the the day after. ‘ember Prominent lows a stickin’ to me like leeches wherever I go, it’s divil « bit of it I can carry out, anyway. Ah! well, ye won't what I’ve got in this little bag here rene FB ass tes pet es, oon _ 0 iceeiie coal you have mht it here up these premises. I , under the circum- stances, it will be safer in my keeping. (Takes it.) Prominent Member. Weil, there now! Shure ye baffle me entoirely. There seems just nothing for me to do but to be getting Chief of Department I a . | x, thing you can do. We'll und Prominent Member. Ah! well, ae e. Good mornin’, Sorr! ‘akes is leave, and is he arrives in due course, to * report progress.” Takes Sorr, it is. But with your four fel- (producing black and a with the intention of think, perhaps, that is about the best e to see you safe on board. , now, I’m very much seen safe on board for New York, where

AppropriaTe.— Dr. Fiemine is said to have sueceeded in curin ing i When he visite the Irish Exhibition, the Band roaring in horses. have arranged to salute him es LT | eee. : Ww B tg - male te seth ILson egy one ht wg yap eg * Burattini,” I left the Italian Exhi- bition oieed I 6 ilway ticket to South Kensington. ‘If you wish to dy En eh A clerk, ** you won't in. I may tell you, Sir, that it is closed because it is being ¥ for the female Freemasons who are taking tea with the Royal Family. Warned in time, I asked on 9 ee ee oe and may be in its future, it is at this present moment a most melancholy The grounds are a — mains? the exhifite, with the spiritless. The music of the ht Regiment and the Taniakiling Fusilers is not wildly tears, and

with the air of ‘* Rory-no- More.”

VOL. XCIv.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [June 16, 1888. THE MODERN VENUS Costers’ Comments. First Coster. ’Oo wos it as married—the Ro —a couple of weeks ago ? Second Ditto. Don’teherno ? Wie, us | if ATTIRED BY THE THREE DIS-GRACES. the Hemprer, spliced to the Princess IBEEN. Why, it was Prince ’Evznxy, never “ has anything on” ! more hopeful news from yal Germans, I mean | seems to be about The Diet and Nova Vexrras.—How cold a Non-betting Man must be! | Impzrtat Improvement.—There seems to have been better and Germany lately. The only question now the Constitution. Surely Sir Mo: on ati Mackenzie’s advice will be sufficient on these two important points. RELL “*T rove old churches,” said Mrs. Ram. ‘Such curious figures He | outside, and then the quaint gargles wi the open mouths used for rain water.”

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June 16, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL THE pan eT SONG. Magistrate gute See gind to be able te Lect n maeeat —F He held oleaditenieticaen For the Dalston Court-house was not very sweet. And he sat him down in his private room ; But suddenly {--t, fit WS sseume the Reporters stare And the Clerk jump up from his seat. The Setiaiter posed fo extracting his S10; The Draakeat Disondorlion® pL and grinned, Lal ies’’ And thought ’twas a curious “ lay.” Then the Magistrate said, ‘‘I have known many Courts, Sat novos ntl ae’ ¥ Have I seen a judicial , filled With—well, with creatures of prey!” ITALIANO IN KENSINGTONIO. Suggestion for Improvements (by an Occasional Cor- respondent).—There ought to be such a Gane as Bees is on a long pier, to convey passengers apiece from the District Railway Station to the top of of the steps of the Italian Exhibition and back. As it is—it is a weary walk. An enterprising individual might make a fortune here with a tramway or bath-chairs, or atmospheric or electric rail. I went to see a rehearsal of Pranpi’s Marionettes on Tuesday, by tion. But —— my visit was post- too soon Fa ignor Prawpi, who was erecting the Marionette Theatre. ‘Could I interview Sees ae I asked, not relishing having come there | - for no There was some hesitation ; a consultation between ignor Pranpi and two assistan and then a peme gee m —— aes bashful Fw ie oug mitting me a delicate confidence, tha was * afraid .f Ryewe tly 4 the Os eee Oe oe as they i 1 undressed. i intrude, I ed, and, having bP amis ents 1 day, I T retired. Tue World, in an article entitled ‘‘ The y of ” t to = Rapping,” sols come wertinent, questions fo wan ~ yi “SLIGHTLY MIXED.” name ome’s book about her husban ey. 1 A of in Mrs. Hox manifestations on — Mistress (to Maid, who has just received a Month's Notice), ‘ 1 WouLD RATHER itualistic reputation was founded. These answers | NOT GIVE You a CHARACTER AT ALL. _ Bur IF YOU INSIST UPON IT, OF COURSE deeply interesting to all who either have not|! saat. TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT Yov,’ pw ind. 8. long ago on the subject, or are Home- Maid, ‘‘ Awp 1F You po, Ma’am, I SHALL SUTTINGLY BRING AN ACTION FOR sick of the whole thing. Dermation o’ Caaracrer !” y no one, JOHN BRIGHT. ROYAL PARKS AND PLEASURE Hepes Park “Apparentiy' 20 ones “ ” 8. esent, ex: Roug Gant ene 3s oo go , Fifthly. ( Por Sir Charles Warren.) Have We are glad you ’re on the mend, A propos of the first illustration of the| such Policemen as are stationed at oor- For you ’re everybody’s friend, Fienaen, oh _6 Eienoave Horse in London, | ners of thoroug’ ninoee cate te Puck Gotes, And the troops of r admirers still Ce Seats Bs weds Saas, cove reosived strict orders that, on the increase, on™ Bricut! ral Correspondents wish to know— Youve « fashion of your own, the Antheritim in clare ct the, Park: are bi 5 i ry = ty! does not please, the one it poo j ‘0 with even w oes not p a sparing in use Joun Brieut! on ly slippery places, the Park Gate Bo ‘ Secondly. Who my = et pn = Pay Eel a eae tere analy. are of the Parks and of Will crud tres on section 0 ae Brieut! missioner, the Hon. Davip Ropert PLUwxert he wouldn’t be? And cach will tele his glass with “‘Gronez Ranoer” of St. James's, Toa first-class Green and Hyde Parks, with the Police Com- Who's us sturdy in his love as in his hate, missioners ? Duarte the stifling heat of real summer Joun Bricut! Thirdly. Can't the Hon. D. R. Prunxer pn Re tative of f sah age oe *y indeed here ag meg in his Susans is the Eine of Cammenn oo ee trees, as in the ? att ee eaaet “the 2 Se : M Fourthly. What has become of the tan-ride

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gee 280 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Jows 16, 1888, MUSIC OF THE PAST AND FUTURE. |x ‘After half s moments hesitation reluctantly whesled to Sawrir is back again, fresher than ever. He came out strong at right and resumed seat on Front Bench. Then House had oppor- Mr. Cusnve’s Concert on Thursday last. SanasaTe was in form. Always thought he was «female fan, ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday Ni , 4.—Hanrcovurt be ight ye character of nele Pumblechook. is appearance on literally srt i 7) ” as 4 was hold. What he to do ton. No more to do with his od fortune than Mr. Pum- lechook had with Pwp’s. But, all the same, insists og effusively welcoming m. To-night stands at Bar, ember, y chin, and smiling to himself, await- ing moment of triumph when Speaker shall call on new Member to advance to Table. All described long ago, as far back as when Great Expecta- tions was written. No need face fi and p! smile — y soul,” said Goner. ton. Shouldn't wonder to hi introduced to Spzaxer.”’ te Se PW on Esrretow had Motion on paper copies of certain state- ments alluded to in course of et eon calest Onmmttne , on ission of Strangers. An in- nocent-looking proposal. Esrzye- tow a harmless person. More un- ing material for of q sus- ey guilt. + below swelled Wisibly in majesty of wrath. “* Please, Sir, I did.” wEY-GENERAL is retained in forth- coming libel action, ‘“‘O’Dowwett against Zimes.” Putting this and that together, ry ty away, the Asceantes -Ganenes in his Mace on table, yesterday being a to-day ay, what could be clearer ? A plot! a wicked plot to defame of Irish Members. The ArronnEY-GENERAL was y using the House of Commons and hoodwinking that child of nature, Viscount Somenaae, So epuas So obtain evidence on behalf of his case. “Could anything be clearer?’”’ Tr asked, winking at Josern Griuis, who eee idee tie wih comaie cea and all Members below Gangway shouted “‘No!” and Members above Members on Ministerial Benches stared, not Gangway chuckled, and understanding the matter a bit, half fearing there was 1 in it. ye Ee pe eg ignant, scornful, angry, contemptuous, seangee indignant assuming feeble imitation of that ag | ae eae weed So eS a8 ee Oe Oy Cee re at most excellent piece of fooling, lifting Heaty at a bound rank of comedians. Business done.—C. D. Acts in India condemned. Tox Heatr takes a rise out of Arronwey-GENERAL. Thursday.—Loxp-ADVOCATE ing to think life not worth li . Ashe sa Tite would be endursblo only for. its Sevtah ” They have illogical and indefensible idea that Lorp- ApvocaTE is representative of Scotch Government ; want information on particular or have suggestions to offer, they may address him. course, all nonsense. On Monday not less than five Scots-wha- combined to put down questions addressed to Lonp-Apvocatz. He just away till questions me To-night Howrer, following on trail, put a word jor Seeing that so-and-so was so-and-so, fe etree aid not something might occur, would the Lorp-ADVocATE see “No, Sir,” growled the Loxp-Apvocarz, half from the hist,” Biedd Catervativen at this enub. UNTER sat ; | his way to’do so-and-so ?

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Jom 16, 1888.) PUNCH, OR THE LO Preaty ot 9 and strolled out, presenting his most familiar ** Fact is, Tosy,”’ he said, as we talked the matter over later, “ if these Scotch fellows are The Lord Advocate’s attitude towards . . reg to ees rep Soent o deteiaene. Government Bill ; nr CE ‘teen lines ; Bill contains 4,360; GoscuEen, making f dis- ing about Committee with conundrum: “If it takes rey pass eighteen lines, how many days will it take to pass "* No joke this!” Rrrcnre says. But Joacurm says he’s om up joking. This a simple rule in arithmetic. So leave him to do it. Business done.—Got under weigh with Local Government Bill. Madame Nordica supported by two Poles—not sticks. enthusiasm, reaction sets in, and Opera drags a bit towards the end. Mdlle. BavznmersTer the Benevolent, good as ever as Dame Marta. Night Petmecded ne f L’ Afi th 8 odaye Don Gio a Lassa a Don Monda ’ ‘une 4, ‘ormance of L’ Africaine wi ursday.— tovannt BE as The . 8 lendid cast.” heir Royal Highnesses the Prince and Princess of | Different, of course, from TooLz as The Don, but in some respects as and Princesses present punctually, and the hcuse a brilliant the advantage over the latter. Toorx is rarel i Madame Norpica as Sekka, and M. Lassatte as Nelusko, La The Don would very . NTYRE now plays Elvira. This Elvira is a size or ’s other victim, Madame Fifxscu-Man1, taller, than the coquettish Zerlina- nting the ’s attachments .’ Ravetxt the Reliable in it; of Hi : ? A #

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and therefore ought to be kept free of rowdyiem. LONDON IDYLS. ‘I~ Tas Guroamine, On, my Dative!” Respectable young ‘ It is no use shutting our eyes to the fact that the Parks take the place of drawing-rooms for a large part of the community. . . . . Until Masters and tet are willing to provide a reception-room for the ‘ young men’ of their five or six maid-servants, the Parks must be their tr ny ple of the class to which I allude deserve as much protection from ‘ ganga of men and women ’ as do the residents of our terraces."’— Vide “ Penguin’s"’ Letter to the “ Times,” June 6. THE RED TAPE TANGLE. EnsyaRED coy last! Coil-caught, and hempen- shac He who the most Ly —— rte has tackled In open j Enmeshed, he who en open foes, By lurking enemies who — | glose, And blindly bungie! ight! Poor Leo in a hopeless tangle wanes J is — eee and false friends Ay wrens is little wonder e L—» |, ie | Lion through the forest like thunder. The forest-king in a rope- le shut | iput ee ee A hundred ae op bends will hold a Titan, And he whom battle’s thunders cannot frighten Is tamed by cords. Out on the fumbling factions who have framed The flinging snare by which stout Leo’s , Es hearty From patriot lips, stirred to ble spleen, Fall ob hoteaiene nin al of Routine And thralls of Party. Oh! for some swift access of Sarnson-strength men worse than withes! Then at & Limb-free, stout Leo Would fiercely face his foes abroad, at home, And from the courage-quickened land would come A loud Zaus Deo! JAMES’S ABDICATION. James The mak Etchist, is no longer Pre- sident of the .A. He has retired from the Presidency, and taken with him a follow- ing of — hy members. These will Erchabiy ost up 0 Sotets, ans call themselves We said 0 few waste aan Sint She palden eraze for to The Female Whistler seemed ominous for the Male Whistler. Why did James abdicate? The public were in- debted to him for novelty in the R.8.B.A. arrangements ; also for the ‘ velarium,” which, like charity, covers a multitude of sins. — the meantime, Mr. Wrxe Bayuiss has been elected, vice James abdicated. An abdi- cated James means the commencement of a line of more or less popular Pretenders. But —who is Wrxe Bartiss ? No Invasion wext Weex! on 9 of the Mili ee, with Band and Musical the Agricul-tooral-lural Hall. OUR BOOKING OFFICE, THE Favesdropper, by Mr. James Pary, or, as the Author would " in a second title, a a J, P.” The hat idea of the book is that the things about himself. is the best. Asan invisible practical joker, Mr. James Payw occasionally, but consist- ently conveys the quali of 1 invisibility to some of his jokes. We ve his word for it that the are we have the word of our who sees a ghost—but we can’t see them ourselyes. Those we do see are side-eplitters. Yours ever, Baron DE Boox-Worms. Maxine rr Hor ror THe SwEaTERs, — Fashionable West- End Tailors, and Fashion- accustomed to

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= = io Es Se = - > a2) cS - > Z q2 * = ‘x88I ‘9T *S9¢—TYVAIMVHO NOGNOT FHL HO ‘HONDd

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL PRIVATE VIEWS OF ACADEMY PICTURES. | No. 227. Arrival of Performing Troupe, ab Al Nos. 749 and 745. With Gun. Frightened by False Fire. THE DIARY OF A NOBODY. April 19.—Cummines called, bringing with him his friend Mzztow who is in the Wine Trade. He made himself at home at once, and Carnie and myself were both struck with him immediately, and thoroughly of his sentiments. He leaned back in his chair and said, ** You must take me as I am,” and I replied, ** Yes—and We’re homely ie, we are not you must take us as we are. ” and G8 roared Swells.” He answered, ‘* No, I can see ) with langhter, but Merron in a most y manner said to CumMINGS, “Tt don’t think you quite dme. I intended to ing Host and Hostess were superior to the these sensible remarks of Merton’s, and concluded tha’ saying, “‘No, candidly, Mr. Merton, we don’t go into . neither of us cares for it; and what with the expense of cabs there, and white gloves and white ties, &c., it ” enclosed seats for four ; also bill for April 23,—Mr. and Mrs. Janes, Miss Fuuier that ” | other Colonies by France Tuesda: E. ‘i i ep lae 48 fl Ree 5 2 E ‘ SIX TO THE HALF-DOZEN. Invasion a la Francaise. ‘ ~~ y.—Departare of the Grand Army of the Leicester Square rom Paris, Tuesday.— Destruction of the British Fleet all over the world. Wednesday.—Bombardment of Folkestone and Margate, and sacking of Pegwell Bay. Thursday.—Battle of Southend. Hanging of “‘/e traitre Mon- signor le Lor Maire”’ in chains. Friday.—Execution of M. Coox and five handred of his voyageurs, and attack on **‘ Wauxall-Bridg-Rod.” Saturday.—Rejection of terms of agreement proposed by M. Aveusrus Haxris, for entire French Army to open in the autumn in military piece at Drury Lane. Sunday.—Occupation of London by the French, and end of the British Empire. Invasion, English style. declared. Abandonment of Algeria and all her y.—The French Fleet knocked into « cocked hat every- where. Wi .—A French Army, that had managed to effect a landing at i returned (anpeid) by =_ — post. Thursday.— of Marseilles, Versailles, Boulogne, a aes Se ere ie lage oom, by a regiment of British Militia. Friday.—Immense success a General ry Ceceetoel, pe ‘just taken prisoner”) in hi song & Alham “* Marseillaise” to the _ Saturday.— Advance of the A.R. Division of Metropolitan Police, and arrest of the entire French Army. Sunday.—Ocoupation of Paris by the English, and end of the French nation. Tue Baron De Mawpat-Gaancry is said to be preparing a new ) aaa ee et etneont meetin Car, as @ sequel to “* Shay

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186 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Joxe 16, 18ee, | OUR ONLY EVERYTHING, “Lord Worsetey is evidently delivering series of Lectures on the Whole Duty of Man.”— Daily News. Yes, Genius is a Great Gift ! Seniccionce has ite adventognnt A Man who can lecture on In a way which to match one would want Pay Politics then give a turn, allop negligent igs and slate cracked ories, Then tell us we’ve yet much to learn About people who toil in our factories : ho knows all about Man and his faults, Likewise about Woman and her vices, And makes most tremendous assaults Upon every one of the Services ; Who knows more about cannon than Krupp, And more about tactics than Satissvry; Who could make Mr. Giapsrons sit up, And teach Law and politeness to Hats- BURY ; Who concerning Statistics is pert, And ahout Lord Groner HamIttor quiz- zical ; Who cau weasure exactly our hurt From alack of the training that’s physical ; Who knows = we're running to , And what mollycoddling has made us all ; Who’s certain ’tis indeed For Germans and French to invade us all ; Who knows—but to tell half he knows — About all things from Mayfair to Media, yi oh ft yy up a whole ia, He, doubtless, the circle could square, could, probably, soull the new e; (despair, He’s a chap who’d make Caricutow A genuine Pocket (Book) Oracle! ie ee eer es moral, and mental man, ine he hue eck of Al radon ier, a , and a eman, Our one Oniy General (that’s clear), Also our one only Particular ; A NASTY ONE. Uf England in safety would steer, Snarley. ‘'I see you ae spgexptxe A Lot or Mowsy on THAT LiTrLE PLace or Yours in Joun But remain ndicular, Svxrey !” There is only one thing we’ve to do— Snobley. “ Yus, | WANT TO MAKE THE PLACE—A—THOROUGHLY FIT FoR A GsyrLemay,| Perch him on pre-eminence lonely, DON TCHERKNOW !” Dictator! We can’t go askew Snarley ‘‘ On, I suppose you mean To Ler rr?” If we’ll only be ruled by The Only! y , 7 —_—. i . Sixes MOVEMENTS OF MR. WILLIAM SIKES. | ,4/ cidey. Aman sad to bo tne custody of the alice. che pro From the Cracksman’'s Circular. | ceedings are necessarily secret. . . norte , Saturday.—Another man more like Mr. Writ1am Sr«es than’the Ma. Wrtxia™ Srxes arrived in London this morning by the 10 4.. | other has been arrested. The other one has been cautioned and train from Portland, having murdered a warder or two and leftearly. disc . He promised not to look so like W. Srxes again, and There were a number of friends to meet him. After making them thanked the police for the care they had taken of him. a short speech, he adjourned with a select few to the “y+ Arms, Sunday.—The man arrested yesterday has been discharged. On Hotel, where a recherché déjeuner was served. He left ina private being confronted with the photograph it was ascertained that he wasn't Hansom for the residence of a friend en route for Paris. D his like Mr. Srxxs at all. He was immediately dismissed with a caution. short stay Mr. Wrtt1aM Sixes visited the houses of several wealthy 4 wire from Paris brings the intelligence that Mr. W. Srxes was merchants in the suburbs, and removed a considerable amount of present at the Grand Prix, when several distinguished French gentle- superfiuous silver, gold, and valuable jewellery. The lot will be sold men, residing in the neighbourhood, lost considerable sums of money. in a few days’ time at Metter Moss's Lost Property Auction, of which Unfortunately the news arrived too late for any member of the Intel- due notice will be given in this journal and in the Police Gazette. ligence Department to avail himself of it. At the request of his admirers, Mr. Wittiam sat for his photo-| “Jue notice will be given of Mr. Sixes’s return to town. graph. One specimen copy he subsequently re 4 Species Messenger, = as « present, to Sir Caantes Warren, and joe peas on the Chief of the Police latelligence Department, Whi Mr.| Mas. Ram went to see one of her little mphows at Eton on the W. Sixes conversed atly or minutes with some of the 4th of Jane. ‘A pretty sight,” she said. ‘1 hope Mr. Invine was chief constables on duty, bidding them farewell, drove back there, as the fireworks quite reminded me of that wonderful scene 08 to the house of the friend with whom he was staying. the Brocas,—in Faust, you know.” In the evening of next day the first burglary of the season (in this neighbourhood) took place at the house of Mr. Swospiweron onorary teal dictinetion asved whose gold plate was left out on the side-board on occasion fas The Don \ast week. He pee contereed on Mabe the reception given by Mrs. Swonsrneton to the Half-Crown Prince A -” ‘Sunday Times please of Saxe-Harense. Mr, Writiam Sixes, who is 0 great collector of “2™0Ur- v J copy. old jewellery and gold and silver was y attracted by the display, and was not contented until he had become the happy A very “Bro Bia D——.”—The Duxe of MeckLEnsune- possessor of some of the most splendid pieces in the set. | Scuweariy (! /) ee

Page 13

LIKA JOKO No. 3. CRICKET MATCH. £5 i : i aif OUR JAPANNERIES. COMMONS “No more plumber’ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL THE tion ate = tat Bat wher are te a hat. But where are “Sorry May’s passed,” said Mrs, Ram. eggs at dinner.” Hawnsom 18,—Quite sure Talbot Cab and Noiseless short titlie—in iti shaky Hi t are a very few of these useful for Londoners the best Hansom ever could Hansoms come out as known as “* The Noiseless

Page 14

288 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

LOST TO SIGHT.

“ Small by de- and beau- tifully less.” et iy A ye mp oy A PET sudden departure from the

trand, which was wit- pecees Oy eupeee as hearty sympathisers, who, all of them. took one last fond look at Miss ATHERTON as Maxrvs seen through the end of a lost to sight to memory dear, certainly a Wy“ company for this of skit does not exist in London. The Company might be known as the London Skittish.” reason for their

VOCES POPULI. ‘AT A WEDDING:-) Scane—Interior of Church. weaing Guests arri Xo wry recognitions as they settle down in their places Ire rae, in various states of self-consciousness, collected at and sustained buzz of feminine whispering. hacia on on guard at utlind i (to people with a mania Sor seeing complete ith theeotn I can't l Very sorry, ladies, but if you ’re not provided with I can’t let you in. The People —y a | &c. Bat this is pe = — isn’t it ? Policeman (not fee ade * to Pda the point orders. The People, §c., depart disconsolate. Verger (to Guests with pink Kiotat Any of those seats there. “ Pink” Guests (attempting to pass a crimson rope which bars the central passage). We want to be near the altar—we can’t see here! erger (in a superior manner). The higher seats are set apart for parties ies with white tickets. “ Pink” Guests (to one another, indignantly). And after we'd sent that girl a salad-bowl, too! rede yong non tn pic picking out “ White” o—_ who a eer ) ae om = anon ' remark that it is the most shamefully manag edding they ever saw, go me at intervals to the salad-bowl. Mrs. leche fad pe eye comes early ‘to see the people’’). Oh, there’ crush, of course—they know everybody. Look, a Oe just come in—what a J Apt Fe eldest girl has such a red one—the’l be quite goodlooking without it!... There’s Nancissus RusDERCEED, you see Aim everywhere. ( Bows and amailes at him ¢ usively.) Horrid creature! And how fat he’s getting! Do you who that is? That’s Miss Manet Marcor, of the “* Proscenium,” you know,—looks ever so much older by day doesn’t she? I suppose she’s not one of bride's friends! ay Ge wey! are ou ever met Aim—this Pil it man, the On. mag Gene,» pete Deeee! ‘en years - vba i —doesn oy By: aan, Sas a ars sag opm rn 4 t is, those farewell suppers groo c act is, su) naa yh OR, x. Ripplebrook Lp ad at pine Pong a me ’t you wish they ’d invent a new hymn ve thiol tied ofthat “Hae” one There she is. I alwa she’ mother’ behind, my a z i E Pel i hear she 5. over poor young does that tiresome old a word. Housemaid, belonging to Bride's family (to Nurse). 1 wonder at Lovursa Jane te cal to ery, when she only came Toosday fortnight | Now you and me have got some claim to ery. [Juwe 16, 1888, The Ni , TM Nurse (lofty), Them Bice aaide cast be expuitel “trem Yaesr. and signatures, Poh (bo Best Man), 1 va "Tony. dea boy, Tonk to yout ail Gage Secon, pox UW hich his irreverent mode of Ssiguating the Becbip end Mie extitent hed In —— DURING THE INTERVAL. ann Ri thought she was only to be Mrs. OLpexove. there's the “Wedding March” at last; here they come! [ Bride and m pass slowly j flown central passage, re their ra at hazard ; several are left unnoticed with thew ately its sweetness oie Suv ee aa dressed, w standing eat orces his way to the front. see me—if she has the courage prepared ses ON, leaving t Y. M. to think of all the scar pa wae og ae low An Old Maid Sect ateay- allery; she pe Sa ee = s Aunt,” a character in which she attends wedding). = young g things |—to !—to think o of all the troubles before them ! Pretty , wasn’t it? Bristle Prnde eto pul welling, was it? In THE — Bivere, (fall the silence emba: Hope they ’ll give us time enough to change and all that. a oe bore if if ee mined “pre: Oh gon are ging to find everything « bore already ! le ou are every a Bridegroom. Well, isn’t i [ Silence owes. In tHe Drawine-Room. Presents laid out; Guests wandering round, ing a furtive look-out for their own offerings, and feeling deeply incensed if they are not prominently yO Others nea con- bearing, eka the Jewellery. of the Bride's) vet AP and, ood "0 Detective’s ‘bw se takes him for the Bridegroom. zie & O. G. (with emotion). This is a great responsibili undertaken to-day, Sir. Ih Jou wil bean —worthy of Det. (professionally sensitive). you; but it’s not first time I’ve Sw such a jo a bye very lng ay The 8. O. G. (moving off aghast) know! How many times, and w wee et! hea one ought to speak to her mother ! yd — only —— Goes in search of _— cham The Bride's Mother (to Guest), 80 kind S72 © remember my motte & ts der oe iy fe she ws 8 t Sifleent h-slice)—that ¢ Stor (mambl)—l ever saw. But you Y hovin have such taste [mM y ry of Guest, conscious of ssention! deta presented, in toast-rack of unpretentious Mr. Oldglove ee » has come on OTT tterty, to ot. Bride). All I can wish you, Mrs.—(choking)—Mrs. PiLBERGILt, is that you may be as aoa ype aawes * Bride (sweetly) awfully. That’s the prettiest thing I’ve had said to me yet! poe Snsean) Oh, Mr. Casuuxy, how am I to thank you?—that lovely Seowmes [Mr. O. retires baffled, and contem; committing with a piece of wedding-cake.

you think you are Brid potted it as we passed that window. I say—er —ALsisis, I’m not joking— I’m not! ‘sa of 8 white satin slipper on the roof of the brougham! !

to (> NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whe im no case be returned, not even when accompanied there will be no Te er MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, y Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or A Ay To this

Qo aa

Page 15

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON OHARIVARL—Jouws 16, 1888,

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Page 16

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Jouns 16, 1888, ow"

oe Dn i — - WRitEs, mmm. «24 MAY 1337

<< » — 4 e

x x aN\\\ ‘but three ‘Pears 5 eap "My COMPLEX/ON is only |Z

a hts th a te te ave nmw RATLISR DO AW. Pisreet tate we ry