Punch 1888-02-18: Vol 94 Iss 2432

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Mr. Punch’s arr pana a

9 an Victorian: Fra 7] ae j s<2 hy } (aryth if bbl] THE NINETY-FOURTH. —e— FEBRUARY 18, EL Ss a Ne: tC OF i) / ‘A , “ag ate ne j rT —- OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, AND FOLD FY ALL BOOKSELLERS.

“Tts numerous competitors Apollinaris pa a “SONS3Sd SSYHL 301d

epistered at the General Post Uffice as a Newspaper.)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Fesavarr 18, 1888. DR. SMILES’S WORKS. LIVE AND LABOUR; or. ¢ Che- ractortstios of Men of Coniua San pushes MEN Oo OF INVENTION AND JAMES. NASMYTE, ENGI- ERR: An A y. With Portrait end © | /lestra tions « each. SELF-HELP. THRIFT. CHARACTER.| DUTY. INDUSTRIAL BIOGRAPHY. LIZE OF GEORGE STEPHEN- th Tiustrations. Bis ; LIVES OF 1 THE ENGINEERS. LIFE OF THOMAS "EDWARD, asso —“* MURRAY, Albemarte Street. TO STOUT PEOPLE. Server Teeme says: " Mr, Renee aim is t FRsdiceTs, to cone the dlecase, an a that hie éreat- ment le the tue Ove seems ber yond alidoubt. Th oa me he prescribes bese HOT LOWER, BUT BUILDS ~D TOPES (Oe evevred.” Hook (116 pewes) with quchraee notes how te ntly ard rapidly cove Cumertt (Gverage red m Grat week is 2 ibe.), we he 6. RUSSELL, Woven House, cup Gooek Bediord Gguare, London, W.C. LADIES INCLINED TO THINNESS, with its attendant Giecomforts, sre invited to send adure-sed ¢: velo pe for « PAMPHLET, containing interesting ond instructive advice om the Development of the Figare by satura! means, to Madame STEPHAN, @, FEW CAVENDICH STREET, LONDON, W. C. BRANDAUER & CO.’S CIRCULAR POINTED Spt PENS pencil, end veither scratch nor spurt. the pointe being r unded by a new process. C.BRANDAITERA Ct? RCULAR CromnoPENS Seven Prise Medals awarded. Assorted Sample Box, @4., o post tree for) ste mps from ©. Brandauer & Co.'s Pen Works, Birmingham. sOnN MAPPIN & WEBB’S DRESSING BAGS. | LUGGAGE. PASSENGER, @c. | per HOTELS, MANSIONS, @o. UuPreeeee CLARE, BUNNETT, £00., Lim., RATHBONE PLACE, W coLT’s DOUBLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER, 68 veprlied to) M. War Department. COLTS SINGLE-ACTION BEVOLVER, os esepene vy tae United otales G ameat ad “FRONTIER PistoL. takes the Colt and Winchester Magasine Kite Cartridge 44 cai. BEVOL coLT POCKET REVOLVER, ane or the Yost pocket, ; ae only. Colts Revel ver sare wei all over the wer = ant tor Leones COLT 's & My Pull Mall, Londen & W, COLLINSON & LOCK. = /GRETONNES, CHALLIS ano CHINTZES IN THE GREATEST VARIETY. ARTISTIC FURNITURE OF EVERY DESCRIPTION. INEXPENSIVE AND THE FINEST WORKMANSHIP. TWENTY COMPLETELY FURNISHED BEDROOMS ON VIEW. 76 to 80, OXFORD STREET, W. VAN ia admirabie. HOUTEN’S PURE SOLUBLE COCOA is THE BEST, and really THE CHEAPEST IN THE END. The BRITISH MED'CAL JOURNAL says:—“'Vaw Hovren’s Cocoa’ In flavour it is perfee', and it is so pure, well prepared and rich, MATS = ntl 2 t= MONO rte fiver rt my awarded for FiJl FIBRE MATs TRELOAR & 8044 68, 69, & 70, Ludgate Hill, ke OXFORD.—MITRE HOTEL ONE OF THE MOST ECONOMICA, FIRST-CLASS HOTELS IN THE Kixongy SETS PO! im Polished Brass, ” &eo. DRFSBING Casha, Wedding and Birthday Presen VELLING DRESSING Bass, seen . with Hall-marked >ilver Vittagy £5 b+, £10 We, £15 £0. to £0 R THE TABLE Oxidized sivas, and (him, DESPATCH JEWhL CARES STATIONERY Can | PORTRAIT ALBUMS, RITING Cases CIGAR CABIN® TS, IX STANDS 1'QUEUR C\8ks CAS DLESTIOCRN and to sod 24 Portraits. RODRIGUES, 42. Piccadilly, ¥. | £& Ip Kak SCey > & THE | SBASOn LEAP-YEAR BOUQUET \" Tn Leap Year hey have powsr te cheem, Ye men socharterto » Fotese. ‘— Chaucer \ ~ Mat Sf OBTAINED OF A Sea Bath ts Your Own Bcom ‘cr Ore Pe-ar. STODDART’S SEA SALTS. INVALUABLE FOR RWEUMATISM AND WraK JOINTS. Fetabdliched nea: ly very ve Ooh6 te Os. 9, ls, 34, 71%. Se 14 1b, Hones; ib... & Aatrra i. Boid by Che “mists, Patent Medicine Dealers, ac, | Olesale London Agents BARCL ar. «& chon 5, Persingion Street, E.C. Wirt A Agents AYRTON & eat Dt ~~ a. Duke Street. nchester A JAMES wooLisY. “ONS A CO., @, Market St. Proprietors A. 82. WARREN, Wholesale & Expert Importers of finest 0 1 ¢ Oi! Licensed Makers of Methylated ®pirit, 3428, REDC| IF *TREET, BRISTOL, D& PAGET, surgeon Dentist, 445, STRAND (Pacing Charing Cross Station). Da. PAGET'S Painless method of FIXING TEETH Without PLATES or PALATES, &c., expiained in the IMustrated Pamphict, a-nt post tree LEA & PERRINS' SAUCE. | * in consequence of Imitations of Lea & PERRINS SA UCR. whach are calculated to deceive the Public, Ses 6 Fuse « bes ta dram actemtion go the (uct thet nal and Genuine WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE Lee theye Wholesale by the rat Discawem, a vy and Export Vilmen general! Retail by Dealers te Sauces throughout the World. SAMUEL BROTHERS. Boys’ Schoo! Outfits. Mesers, SAMUEL “Eten” SAMUEL BROTHERS, MERCHANT TAILORS, OUTFITTEKS, &c., 65 & 67, Ludgate Hill, Lonpoy, E.C. | MAPPIN & WEBB'S HOLLOW GROUND Post Free frum 18, Peultry, B.¢., and 168, Oxford Street, W., Londen, cr from the Manu actory, Nor’s’k Street, SHEFFIEL = In ° ase ¢ Complete, Ebefield. Tee cant RAZORS. Zr 4g DRINKWATER’S - RHEUMATISM, GOUT, LUMBAGO, SPRAINS, NEURALGIA, , SORE THROAT. In Bottles, ls. 144. and 2s. Od. Or att Cures. TEROZONE AIR PURIFIER Fem AND PURIFIN | THE PERFUME | & GROSSMITE, 22, oILK STREET, CITY, LONDON. Sela by Chemists, &c , or direct. BY SEALED WARRANT stHICH HOLBORN LONDUN BERLIN, W STUTTERING!! . to quichly and theroushiy cured by the anil ROB ERT " ERNST, ; POTSDAMERSTR., #. Fratis and pote paid. es Is & sooth ROWLANDS eee mali for te ee neat arm. Sap ean oP neues abe ae Uli Wrrey. "Tr eeeils| of 0d)” eg we me HO a OSD tee OS CO Heth OY oe Se s.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL PRO BONO PUBLICO, Examiner, Now, Sir, what appointment do”you to fill? desire WARREN’S WHITENING. Not-at-dl-at-Home Secretary. ‘‘ SPLENDID COLLECTION oF ‘CONSTABLES YOU 'VE gor.” Sir Ch-rl-s W-rr-n. asp I RESTORED IT PERFEOTLY. ‘‘Beavrirot! Taras’s oNx WHIOW WAS AL“OST BLACK, THeRE's ANOTHER WHICH ONLY WANTS a ToucH OR TWO o¥ MY LUMINOUS WHITENING TO BE AS GOOD AS EVER IT was.” Candidate. I wish to become Dean of a Cathedral. Have you any idea as to your duties’? am responsible for the building and its o Certainly. C. I faney contents, E. Quite right. Now, suppose you or soautan Se Stueee Sue te Geet cont, Ate persun were in a certain part of he Cathedral, weet Teall die 2, w or EB. Quite right, And if you did not find them in one ae See et ¢ loss them in another. E. Certainly. Quite right. = you found them— what next ? (Candidate hesitates.) Well, what would you do with them? Yes? E.7 carr © pouss). ae BH Gaitecorrct. And after they had" been washed, what next haps it would be well to have them o Wal, POE. Unquestionably. And after they had been photo- graphed, what would be your next step? Well, I think I ought to put them somewhere handy, where they would be carcfully examined by the scientists. E. Yes. Well? Where would that be? Cc. I can Mt of no better drawing-room Pee te otal Ive with your rep a ot you unt the End f the Chapter. And you may as your motto, ‘ Otium cum dig.” tiie somebody's A LESSON IN LAW; Or, Fuston anp Conrusion tn THE Forurs. Scxxz—Interior of the Hall of an Inn of owe Students discovered seated at tables, more or wy ang mags en r- Fi then tae, arra a table surrounde long ‘re, giving ng place to Laster soho i recived w i dpplome. He bows, and gets behind his table. got the third account vouched—and the letter for the surrender of the lease posted, and the further observations to the Junior Counsel sent out? And I do hope that the faneral I had to attend did not interfere with my being rly represented when that point about the binding of my wife's life interest was referred to the judge? And you are quite sure that there is not more than five quarters rent to pay for farm we haven't been able to agree amongst ourselves to let ? And you don’t think much harm was done by my ghesnting Ww _ Lecturer. Gentlemen, now that in the Legal Profession no distine- | t mpeokt to take m te tae Se as daughter to the scarlet fever application was made to have some accumulated Barristers and Solicitors, a Lawyer must be} i y parts. It is not sufficient that he may know drew «Jury of to draw a serve a writ, or possibly to become the Lord Chancellor. Ni the latter character he would have many reminiscences of the days of his youth. If you I will appear as the Lord lor. (Stoops down beside the table and re-appears in wig and robe.) H'm, the Lord Chancellor. (Applause.) H’m, ha, h’m, This is a very im- portant matter—so important that I fancy we must take time to con- sider it and net oe our decision—decision I say, until next term. And that reminds me that once when I was in out the office of some Barsolistor ( ; wanbenies thefirmat ), —he must be competent to! (Loud aturally in to me out of Court. And—(hesi/ating)—and—and you ink you could advance me five shillings to go on ow = hter, amidst which the Lecturer resumes his -da And now, Gentlemen, I will conclude my waoy K. lustration— Mr. JonwaTHan Busymay, whom don't fat i I found a draft of a brief that had ne delivered, of its non-delivery the ection bad been Gon, No doubt my Brother be- | the side me will remember the and on account circumstance ? | sbarieg Si ein ey.) fixed re (Takes off disguise of Lord Chancellor and reas himself. Applause.) Having shown you one of the Prizesof the Pro- fession, I will giveyou another. I will introduce my friend, Mr. WeLxvP, 8 Chief Charl in the Chancery Division. This should be more in- teresting to you than the other illustration, as it is easier to becomea Chief Clerk than a Lord Chancellor. (Laughter, amidst which the Lec- turer dives beneath his table to reappear dressed asa Chief Clerk of the Chancery Division.) Mr. Wetiur! (Cheers and Laughter.) Now, let me tell you all, thet I do not advise anyone to do anything, but if I am asked by the Plaintiff in this cause what he ought to do, I can only say, that were I he, I should certainly take out a summons which might be made returnable in a week asking for whatever it is. And if the vs + in this cause were to make the — Well I can't do sll, and if 1 don't do all, 4-3 same application to I should give him the same advice. e; so, as it’s a fine day, I feel in a That is what I should 4 were I not a Chief Clerk, bat a as Lam a I ‘think I shall take a holiday, and go to AY we 7 al 7 bief Clerk, I give no advice at all! (Lecturer dives beneath his [Roars of laughter, amidst which the Lecturer retires, and and reappears as himself. meee, ‘Twill shown you brings the Scene to an agreeable conclusion, a in Senet tows case in the epi the this morning. And then, if 1 do either, the wi starve if I don’t identif = he the Paymaster-Gen eral’s A os ogee ry to enable her to secure vidends! Not that she couldn’t wait if I had but the leisure to fea that opinion about the frend power which I promised should arrive in good time to enable country clients of mine to make up their minds before they | suits for administration over value, and Treating him a esta. ‘Nonsense! I know that t, Oa a — = I'll let i = the ight” is ae Anewers Ox?o light you will take away. Sasastete ~o, ean without such a Ray.” pote boul Ne “ Srorr,” sinan old wig and tattered oe ao ight lause.) Now tell me, because you know I ioe all has had everything proper attention? Have you

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74 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Fesrvary 18, 1888,

HERCULES IN THE AUGEAN STABLE. ey Ne SS. rd Z EE yfyf: > | = —+ S> j

| , | " | <a \\\ \ \ i

| i} ( N/ i |

So fe it my Hercules! sluice away smartly ; is task. stands in very sore need of a scrub; right readily, : And if vested interests in filth should talk tartly. Clean” could they ask’? Just silence the knaves with a tap of that Club! Ny i li

‘event of War. All | it will be branches of Bitter Olives carry. Doves wira 4 Dirrsrence.—Almost all over Europe it appears that carrier-pigeons ee ae i are fe cvidently Ged of uite another feather than the ideal ove that ically bears olive- . E trained for in the Con:

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BE Hi 1 § | AL a 5 a273 44 S38 3 ie if a ad ip a Hi ia Hult Sra a agets FE arts i sak eub of Law and Order, as if he ot ri Ee F a en Hi ine i cery Bar, has just “taken silk.” tative ~—4ily “ How very abrupt!’’ | be *‘ on velvet.” OBY.N1. coming. Latcarta said, gladder than ever Tat Sa eal tahoe’ « lagislotive PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. But we inist ROM THE "DIARY oF NCAN, v 1 Came down ear y mour of war Macbeth. t,” said SauNDERsON, uncan !”’ “ Duncan comes here to-night.” “ The gracious D “ Now we'll have i to left-hand coat-tail for How very abrupt!” iat “ Grapstowz almost blessed M femme, ond eens eae © Fesnvary 18, 1888.] XTACTED F House of Commons, un f

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76 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ay WW SNOB-SNUBBING. “A—wy Psorie, Miss Deverevx, came Into EvoLanp wiru Srrevesow, you kyow!” * ARE YOU QUITE sunz tr wasn’t Loyezow, Ma. Sxeoxson t” OUR “JUNIOR CLASSIC” AGAIN, Dean Otp P., I must just in English. I’ll go on into Latin in a minute, only I God S cates vo Jee in Latin. Here I am, back at school, and J’ve got my remove! I feel no @ =e a swell. As my Pater says, “perhaps I shall blossom out inte a Porsow some day ’’—though who Porson was I don’t know, only I think he was some classical bloke or other—Laxzs Porsona, I think he used to be called. Well, your request that I should tackle the letter of Wrxxenamisrvus, wie strangely objects to being called a Wykehamite, me yesterday I feel’no end flattered. I'wish you hada’t said I had better answer it hate. However, here goes. Excursvs (I think that's what they call it), de litterd alicujus Wykehamsti, ef de nomine a “ W YKegaqisrvs,” vel ‘' WeyKeaaMitUs,” Primum, permitte me observare ut tuus correspondens est ad culpam quum scribit Latiné. Objectit ut nomen “ Wykehamitas” non est proprium, et demandat explanats mem ‘' quum proxime tuus pepyras ¢ eveniet.” Hoe est vere caninum pro “as soon as your paper comes out.” Sed pretermitto nee, quod ascribo ad factum ut hic pauper soems non est Etonensis ; nunc ad rem! Terminatio ist occurrit sewpe. Ut whist (ludus) hist (signalis ut Magister appropinguat ) ) hist (paulo-post-perfectum de sixes, osculare). Vide de hoe Mapvie, “de Particulis . Latin’, ” vol. 26. Vide Quogue * Grammaticam” Borrt (illius Germani), si vis. (sed hoc non adviso. borr, quamquam eruditus, est valde aridus et incom rehensibilis, ut mos est Teutonicus.) Adde ist ad WykRHAM, et habes * Wy us,” decens Latinum, Ego prefero * Wyke- nome bead Pen a Fg Id sonat melias. forsitan non sum oma re. mum nomen pro pueris Schole Winchester est ** Wi se Boers" Wirkebom” carec noscere? Erat peme equieiaben Quaematee oe Wrenn, sam ewaros, qui fundavit (nonne ?) illam Sed Jonanyes Lyow fundavit et non appellamus Harrovienses pueros ** Lyonistos.” Terminatio ite est quoque bonum Latin uo modo, id est satis bonum pro me. Vide Hittite (antiqua natio mag A Bright (notus Anglicus orator), et alia. Ergo quia non Wykehamite? (Vide Borr, ut ante.) Considero id potius buecam seribere ad te, Puncuz, ut “W ykehamistus”’ scribit. Si esset Etonensis, id esset differens. Sed forte non sum impartialis, ut dixi. Percipis ut treatavi subjectum in serio lumine. Chumus une cnguee ws Id Cehes toeatent Sn vane Deetes Warm How doth the little Wykehamist To waste his time delight, In 8 notes of which the gist “Why called Wykehamite? ” ist ace entities Gtomeall oneal Spero ut dedi multam satisfactionem in hoc excursu. Habui swottere ad id, » ogo possum dicere tibi. Sed unum verbum antequam Da mihi aures tuas et ego tibi reddam, ut dicit SHaxspzanrus. Cur non derivatio sic “ Wykamus” (subaudi “* ”") id est, Wykham (ad minus sic ego puto) unde derivatur ‘* Gentleman,”— et ambo simul, a est, ‘‘ Wykamus” et “ mitis” formant “ Wykamite.” Majus complimentarium id, est-ne? Hoo me vapulat ut unum genus conundri, sie, meum primum est * Wykamus,” meum secundum est “ mitis” (subaudi “puer” ut supra) et meum totum est nomen pueri in — publici J illari, quod transfero ‘‘ public school- nat Vide? Non om, est-ne? ‘“‘ Vale et iterum vale,” cum cantat poeta, et dixit tuus veritabile Tommavs ( Etonensis.) AN ANGEL’S VISIT; Or, The Artist's First Commission. A thoroughly Bioumsbury kind i da i A thoroug omens kind of day,— When you think of the bills that you cannot pay, And turn from beautiful thoughts away, Like a colby ~~ from kisses, And wonder ts sweet things can say Ofa waite 80 rie and hard and gray, Where the wise are ® gloomy, and fools and fools are gay With their sorrowful, sordid My hopes were low, and my oe was sore, For a soul’s mosaic litter’d the floor, vile pot-boilers the easels bore, And the kettle croon'd of the cheap tea-store, On ye coals that waved of yore veyard antediluvian, came a tap at the = tama Such golden music ne’er treasure-seeker who aiiseen a crore Of Ba re rupees, or the hidden ore Of Incas in vaults Peruvian. The rain was ating the windows high, As if in spite of the brilliant sky That lives in my picture of last July, My holiday of last July, y only relic of Summer, When a wide-eyed welcome of bri pes sun all room over, and dwelt hyacinth’s clusters of “uum To welcome the sweet new-comer. Then the veteran chair with a missing limb, And all that was common and mean and Grew sudderly seemly, and fine and trim, Like courtliest old-world lovers ; Lod her fase like the webine phot ae lowed, nd her face like the w: of m r Aad bet bite the ooeg & 5 Retew sind Where a leafy sunlight hovers, For I hy a but her nightingale me Thangh ber be her brother, I think, ia come than she, didn't say half as much to me As they found to say to each other But every tone of her crisp, clear oie Like a weer thy on silence an wp TAWilat she came about with oh bas brother. [Fesrvary 18, 1888,

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Fesavarr 18, 1888,]} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 17 LANDING OF WILLIAM AT DOVER. Manners an ea b. ! fe coomeptted tan O. M. andthe 4, “My name it is William Ewart Gladstone, Not y, nor brandy, nor Tauchnits, I own Not even one bottle of Eau de ve (Aside to himself.) But just half a bottle, and so "tis a fact I haven’t one bottle, I must be exact. * >. o ° He sang on landing, spick and span, “ England expects the G. O. Man, This day to do his duty.” | Cheers from everybody, and off by train. TESTIMONIAL TO THE SITUATION. Ox the opening of Parliament (when the last Term of i — a oemdes Mesiing, was Tate Se expos the 0) e y them during their session by the i The Chair was taken by the Sea Serpent, w the Gigantie , and members 0: Family, Messrs. Mum us and Sumpsimus, Parks, Dr. Odium Medicum, Shacon and Bakespeare, w Sir, wach worn out, and a number of well-known Aabstués of ite eae -_ we Os s oroughly representative a Ting 0 a he eee gS ess work by the noble endurance, the unexam ing power. his honoured friend, he was to call him a friend Ge. than idn’t mean to,be laughed at. (Dead silence, in which the Speaker The of the Moon, who rather hazily, said it was his ivilege to seoond the proposal. was not a very member, from circumstances over which he had no he had lately come a good deal before the ic. The European Situation rather resembled his own; it was cloudy—(lawpter)—but the clouds had not prevented his on eclipsing, he was sure that no clouds grit ke European Situation, from continuing ine old European way. (Loud cheers.) The Weather and the Parks rose together, and as isrespect ), more about what the speaker didn’t Cippleune) ‘fh F rs who didn’t want to hear. the we of thanks was carried unanimously, and briefly acknow- eR Tf Eig a com or ‘ar’ sot the uest of by eveiien. wie is understood to be a surprise for the Special Correspondents. ONE DEGREE BETTER. “ The honorary degree of Mus. Doc. is to be conferred on Herr Joacuim by y 4 don ‘of Convocation on Tues- day.” — Times. Some difficulty was experienced in fi the sengues tpetered 7 Afterwards, instead ot amply by having on the Herr. *Dostor of Music,” on the famous violinist ought to have been conferred the degree of “FIDDLE D.D.”

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78 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Fesevasr 18, 1888 | PAVE ie: LF 2 —o LL 4 WHAT OUR ARTIST HAS TO PUT UP WITH. Mr, Alderman Buggins. ‘‘ WHAT PRECIOUS BOSH THEY'RE ALL TORKIN’, WITH THEIR OcD Masrers awp Oxassicat Mosic ano sTurr | Way, I'D sOoNER HAVE PAINTED ONE O° YouR LITTLS Picrvres oy Mopgern Lire THAN Any TITIAN OR VELASQUEZ IN THE | ‘oun Natiowa Gatiery.”—(Our Artist smiles, and thinks Mr. B. may not be such a rank Philistine, after all.)—‘‘ Any I'p soonge HAVE | composen ‘7 wo Lovaty Brack Erss' tTaaN Att 'Anpst AND 'AYon’s OgaTORIO8 PUT TOGETHER!” [Our Artist smiles no longer. | THE VOICE OF PEACE. “I spgax of Peace!” Great Prince, and wherefore not ? Not even you escape the common lot, Of voeal man in these loquacious days, When Bay Son of Silence, deigns to A two "hours talk from his grim comrade’s mou Watching that towering form,’ that mighty a Scarcely assuaged by endless S-and-B's, Fancy, "whose genial current nought can free a — Thor and the god of Thirst. = The oration And thunders of applause the Thunderer hail. Like a Thor-hammer- o> martial mail, Was every vocal stroke of t strong tongue, Which never faltered, never lisped or hung, In weakness or in wandering ty Vor! Strength of the lion, chrowdness @ oe fox, in that measured unim tone. It speaks of Peace,—and armaments have grown, Fast at its every utterance aE. woes | it lashed to eal os baile “But the “ covert enmity” of ~ i Who counter menaces and bandy * Under = &. smile of ote wound the Those hosts against each other hotly hurled, Twenty — hence, to-morrow—who shall say P— Will—tight for Peace as you have fought P” wee fanteest flea’, wadt sat and glose. If such ay champions, what shall Fancy A whimsy thoughts suc A mail-clad shepherd piping to a flock,— Scattered upon the hile -s Ade near and far, ——S against the Pastoral ditties, searce seems more absurd. As for the Dove, that emblematic bird, like a game-cock with auxiliar steel, Sharpened and set for Ag from beak to heel, s with the eagles, hovers with the hawks, Or with the ravens croaks, the vultures stalks. “I speak of Peace!” Yes, as the saw-toothed With eye keen watchful, jaw prepared to mae the carp-pond’s guardian blandly Tho wankever in the wildernens wa close His wearied eyes a moment, scarcely more, When sonal the watch-fire ase been and roar to- Poor Peace ! wolves of | May Sweet wee little boot these pastoral ** They y being smooth Bi. -tye false, “ worse If taken j in a too Arcadian sense. You do not pipe them for the be dowend den«e, ** The still discordant wav multitade.” her | Alternate dulcet soft and harshly rude, Your accents variously oracular oa. burden bear of ion, the drift of War. | E’en “the blunt monster with uncounted | hear the iron o the arméd treads Of * fearfal musters defence” Between your honeyed These hosts | immense Will not for ever chorus ‘‘ Lovely Peace,” However fugled. No, they never cease, These hymnings of the Olive-branch all round. Curious to hear the voice of War’s red hound Tuned to the friendly house-dog’s cheery bark! But is the foe less near, the night less dark ? Rio Torto.—If the disturbances in these mines (now, happily for everybody concerned, at an end), had continued, the name would have been changed to the Riot In two Mines. Shakspeare Re-versed. **Oxvorp for Lancaster!” (3. Henry VI. 5. 1.) ** Not Lawxesrer for Oxford!” Now the line must run. Appropriate, sust Now.—G. 0. M.”— ** Good Old Man!”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—Fesavany 18, 1882. VAL MIO LEM ee Ss ¥ 4 ——— ~ = . Pe O22 ao . - i 4 Lee tdihsce” Lf le park a 44 OT J ae ey oa ide Le Vt ey | Ul ae ae 7 mE Oe a ee 4 Seo oustea re Ar he: UND) FZ ASABEMB Oe 4 “ Ld A Oe ~ Ob wns ~ betes Spates - SA abet a at ee Lee = al ADA SILL LOI cece ag a at ee Minsae De CMe A A end ——y» oa = a a Ft ae bd = a = => xe = a= _ - Z. = ENCE.” Henry the Fourth, Part II. (Induction). a 4 a ° Ee = = - DM a Z b © = O BUT ONLY I H MAKE FEARFUL MUSTERS AND PREPARED DEF *. bp: — — = ¥. fa e ot i] 2 res] =} ty = CE, SMILE OF SAFETY AND WHO BUT ‘ BISMARC “IT SPEAK OF PEA UNDER THE

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F ss Our by at

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——_——_ Fesavary 18, 1888.} PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. 81 ROBERT AND CARL ROSA, Ove “ Ropert” is an awful temper, that is if urried note in pencil which he last may ) by a brief and b we left aoe ene dee in Times, ~ ER umpay,’ as sez, the Li Hkker, * Robert the D——i’ (wieb I bfash to menshan) ‘ at the Kort The- ayter.’ Then it goes on a praysin heyrythink and boddy, and speshully *Maddum RNSES singing of ‘‘ Robert, O my beloved Robert!”’ My better arf’s hashy- cl. tatered about it. She asks me hoo’s Maddum i) Borns, and what she meens by singi **Ropert, O her beloved Ropert.” Xkuse aste, wich is the konskence of urry an as I’m > orf to insult a Solister. More nex week on this subjik. ** Roper.” “PLAY TIME.” | | | | | and some plays I could mention would have the same effect on Jacx, | for the matter of that,—and so a little play now and then, say an | occasional tragedy in four or five Acts, is just the thing to enliven our | poor, Jack who found the very thing in the dramatic sensatior pro- duced last week at the O; Comique —need I say Mrs. Camppeci Paaxp’s four-act drama of Ariane. The production of the work is a sign of the times, and, oe or bad. opens up a discussion, on problems of dramatic Art moral teaching, not easy of solu- tion. But of this anon—or “in our next ’—as it may c Ariane! Who gave her that name? Mrs. Camppett Prazp. Whence came it? Evolved from her own inner consciousness— Ariadne with the little “‘d” left out. Coming to know who and what Ariane is, the name is happily chosen for its suggestion of Greek humanism. For this English play—not yet to be es described as ** so English, you know”’—is but a p in the grad | development of the Naturalism of the Age,—Nataralism not pure and simple, but impure and complex. It is a powerfully interesting drama, played by a set of acters none of whom are conscious of legally authorised tribunal In this play, not to speak it profanely, “‘there is none that doeth good, no not one,”—and yet who, that has any ‘‘ knowledge of the world,” as the phrase goes, can doubt but that the authoress has given us very real types of character, and in order to prevent as far as ible the objections of the English Pecksniffs and Podsnaps, and to suit the dish to Philistine taste, she has spiced it with an artful dash of subtle foreign flavour by calling her worst villain,— the seoundrelly old er, hevalier Valence, and the second blackguard, the would-be co-respondent, Sir Leopold d’ Acosta, Bolder and worthier of her B wipew would it have had Mrs. Prarp called her heroine’s and lover by plain English names. Except that no one can help chuckling at the manner of that atrocious old reprobate,—the peng eet mom played by M. Maxius—there is nothing to relieve the sadness of the piece. Its Society” characters, who are merely accessories of the picture, talk too like real “‘ Society people” to ing, ind dialogue in the drama as is not essential to its action is tedious, and this in proportion to the interest aroused in the of « dighh Iech tenpanshondiy puckaps of a slight [ris — per’ in i what Italian Hebraic title “ D’ deosta,”—is an y earnest lover” —profanation it is to use such a word for such a character ! For Mrs. Benwarp BeERe as Ariane—“ not a moral woman, not a re- cone wnen—I gr -- yg she says of ——- 7. nothing but praise. utely, impersonation is faultless. can think of no Actress on the English who could even rival her in this ead, pitiful, miserable part. compassion for Ariane in trials, our sincere that the life of such a woman, who might have been so good “ Aut-work and no play makes Jack a dull boy,””—and some works | ¢, the objections to it, I like the play, I doubt if it will ever be Zn finan play, though I do will ever be OFFS ar their responsibility to any power, outside themselves, higher than a | (,, Operas””—as they used we and Strings in Alread “A” stands for ALBanI, always “ Prosit ! y first- announced Al.” and also for AnwoLpson, Rhyme for Ratepayers. Hooray, Mr. Dicors, No wonder we sisi, Such good ores *ve brought us all round. or yers the pound To see such fine As a penny knocked off in Evxoven to Datve Owes Witp!—These “diplomatic changes,” Lord Lawspowwe to India, vice Lord Dorrents, Lord Stancer to Canada, Baron Dz Wonms to the seat vacated by Lord Sramcer; then changes at the Hague, at Athens, Belgrade, and Rio Janeiro, and moving about all round just i tho secenn tants of he pens, 3 reall htomake Wurraker tearhishair; and as for Mr, — who has oly just ye out ple, a ge Opeleoneie, one w motto is, “‘ Avaunt, perplexity!” it is enoug ve what Tuzopore Hoox's Mrs. Ram, Gran to our “* i Boe” called “a fit of perplexity,” and she as “* Mr. Toz-anwp-Haaty.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. [Fesavarny 18, 1888, SAT ox SIR CARDINAL AND THE BIG BIG “G.” MISERY AND ITS MEASURERS. The Views of Jack Calliper, Operative out of Employ. “There is no doubt thet different opinions are entertained with reference to the extent of want of employment, and of the distress which exists. Some allege that it is excessive, and vast in its extent; : Like birds in winter, half-starved creatures u Or lounge and lurk About this busy Babylon, ‘‘ Out of Work.” I’m out, whoever ’s in—that fact is clear ; And careful ‘* averages,” I greatly fear, Won't mend my trouble. What is the “‘ normal” quantum of distress, others that it is no more than is normal and inevit- That none need fuss about, | cannot guess. able in a great town with varying employment.” —Lord Herschell, in introducing to Lord Salisbury at the Foreign Office a Deputation from Eari Comptoss’s Commitice on the existing Distress. Exceptional or normal? Well, you see, I do not —_oe it much interests me, mighty question T ing long hours through mire An “ Unemployed, I raise my plaint, and these quire, Form deputations, talk, but no suggestion _ Yet greets my ear Of help immediate, practical and clear. Clear! After reading all they say, I find Thet rather more than over my poor mind ina m P tis oold and hunger makes me dense. W will not warm when chilled in soul and sense Sheltered by some dark entry, arch, or fence, | | . thousands London’s frost 7 Can Whether ’tis what now reigns, or m or we fasate, less, The sum of last year’s woe, or » or HERSCHELL may ask, I have no heart, my Masters, for the task. It may not be “‘ exceptional,” perhaps, f us labouring cha fabowe. “a may see in arithmetic quest find no GoscHEN ”—no work, no food, nofire, | No end of “* intellectual interest ;” great men— I know there ’s misery in my own home-nest, => oe misery I have many a neigh- And that’s enough To make me sick of mere statistic stuff. When Satissvry was out he held, I think, That it was Government’s duty not to shrink From boldly i This demon of Distress. Well, now he’s in, But I aqeyee be Sate~iew “Outs” will grin! That ties of office are a trifle shackling— At least, it seems He holds his own old promises Then he “ would do his utmost to promote” eee relief works. Worth " Bat is he planning i oak of Geeeeins veal ? Help on whose pattern Would caly do in Jupiter or Satara. There ’s no such difficult subject, 80 he says, The Cardinal’s “ humanity” ’s a craze, To think of more law one le point, They ioe" a te ow the sneer fits! Fall Poor Law, That blessed thing, That to distress lends its most sting! And Capital ? | And Caste?, To seek the cause Of misery in cold hearts and callous la Mere anatn-ceeiion, Sweaters and speculators, slaves of sport, Dives who, lest the aaa ron Stints e’en the crumbs,— Cabinet, Charen, end Will tell us there be themes that won't bear nthe State they ’d fire. No,—we "ll * consult our colleagues,” we'll ‘inquire.” Inquire,” inquire, my Masters! And mean- We in blank Misery ’s face must stare, and Till inquest formal Finds out if the Distress that racks our hearts Means over- lation, failing marts, Our own, unthift, paupers from foreign And whether, after all, "tis more Who'd fear to fall Crushed b of Curse that’s “‘ not excep- Whether we have a “ natural right,” or not, To anything beyond our burial plot— To lif Our masters do not seem at all Some hold that the sharp pi of utmost Gives to the starving valid right to feed, Some moral claim upon i eegier neigh- bour. a ’ Oppose the idea with all their heart—or brain. ** Headless and heartless !” cries the Cardinal; Then on him tooth and nail the pundits fall ; He’s ** sentimental,” A fault that caps all crime, and that must May one day doubt thy right, di Thy right divine to tax our toil and tears, For some unknown “ infinity of years,” Beware my Masters, lest, like a new Babel, i Headlong it fall, When misery really gets ‘‘ exceptional!”

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Fesrvary 18, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. UNEMPLOYED! Tae Puarnt oF A Precty Gre [A writer on Fashions says that Bridesmaids are to be abolished.) Great H ! The Bridesmaid abolished ? fee ote elo All is up wi ; Make'way for Old Maids and the Gout ! lf Cupid’s delectable cultus Is verily thus on the wane, What use for the saps to insult us With talk of the triumphs of Brain? Out on from far Yokohama, part in the drama Tother day it was weddings were stopping ; At toast 40 the quill-drivers cried. As as blue roses was * g,” Pept) ew Make one of the beautiful bevy Who flocked round the altar in white ; But this last piece of news is so heavy It darkens our last gleam of light. pty ba AM must e up my ’m i To live a disconsolate spi E And finish a dowdy Old Maid. The Bridesmaid abolished? Then banish Bright eye, ruddy lip, slender waist ! Let feminine vanity —- Love, oy [omens gloves, and good For what is the use of such matters, If Hymen is out of the hunt ? If men, who are all mad as hatters, The altar refase to confront ? If the world, in a mood suicidal, i utterly cloyed, Resolves to abolish the Bridal, And leaves Pretty Girls “‘ Unemployed ’ AN IMPERIAL CATECHISM. Intended for the use of the Mystified Colonist, Q. There has been in a recent number of the Times, some stir created by a refer- ence to the granting by Hen Mayesry of a charter to the Organising Committee of the * Imperial Institute.” In the article deali with the subject, it was come of terprise was held to be “ the Hh iI | | ina ** RESPONSIBILITY.” mamma (quoting last School Report). ‘** Lox !—IxsvporDINATE !—PLAYING Trvaxr |’ Os, Hexsert! I was SHOCKED TO HEAR THIS! AnD youR Para xD MAMMA, HOW Dis- . TRESSED THEY MUST HAVE BEEN !—AND YOU THEIR ONLY CHILD TOO! ON THAT ACCOUNT, TO BE ALi. THE MORE A COMFORT TO THEM.” Herbert. ‘Om ves, Gnan’ma’, 8 ALL VERY Fine! Bor it’s RATHER ROUGH ON A Feu LOW TO HAVE TO BE 80 JOLLY Goop For A LoT oF Bro’ens AW’ Sis'ens HE BASsK’T GoT!!” appening will do to South Kensington for the purpose of = wool, or even furniture, not produced by the Wen You ovour, on to be in Lenten, imen of timber in-

Page 14

y PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL [Feervary 18, 1888 AN EYE FOR PROPORTION. ‘Comm IN AND HAVE some Lvuxca, Proressor. My Husnanp WILL LEwD vou A Patek oF Trousers, IF YouRS ARE WET.” “My pear Mas. Porntz! War, I’m iwice your Husnann’s size!” - Two Pans THEN!” A, No. Tew that the problem is ne that hae fink puszied me Q. I am not surprised. Do vou think, however, they will have recourse to the Coloured hts, ye | Bands, and aide, and gener tea-garden attractions of the g - times, or that, failing the qubloce pn Fa for such a pro- gramme, they will fall back upon some well-considered scheme, that would at one and the same time maintain to a certain degree the Jon of the Institute and yet tickle the public taste ? Yes, now that I come to reflect upon the matter, I should say ner would decidedly do this, and probably inaugurate their experi- ment with at least a series of appropriate dissolving views accom- panied ey by a comic song or two for the purpose of investing the whole with a little lively interest. They might even introduce judiciously a little Nigger Minstrelsy. Q. That is an excellent suggestion. May I ask what has induced I noted that the —_ of the Archbishop of Yorx hetero- you to make it ? A. Certainly. | figured prominently among those of the distinguished but geneous crowd of tlemen who constitute the Organising Com- mittee. I naturally associated his Grace = that sombre and re- spectable form of recreation thatis ic yp view. Q. And the introduction of the ‘‘ comic te. Z or two,” little Nigger Minstrelsy,”’ to which you ref A. Was inep by seeing the name of the Lonpy Mayor. Q. Quite so, You refer, however, to the names of the members of the Organising Committee, and you have doubtless read some of them with astonishment, a not with pleasure. Can y instance, why that, of the President of the Royal "Keademy should oy on the list ? . No; I cannot for the life of me imagine any conceivable reason de it should. rf You do not reeognise any connection by which the discharge ‘of (his fanations asthe acknow apy © me ee wee country mar out as a fitting representative of a _acheme tor the purpose of * Knittin more closely the | Saas eens eo variens parte Ak Tho the Empire” ? . No; I most certainly do not. i| @. you regard as e little bit ‘‘ mixed” ? oe SS te eh Be ties | unless Then you the constitution of the Organising Commities Yes, as I Na their ideas of the are ning an hitleb ae. a a batremeyes:h ~— either the near o tA arrest Q. And you do ws of the * Taupe oa : pent gpd: paow Joo meaning nothing, to conjure and a hed ahes chest he you tink wins dais tb My L checld eny that, when feicty ctarted, % ‘welll Willie kd A. ls say when fairly m considerably. OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. No, no, Paul Patoff won't do after Marzio’s Crees It Marion Cravrorp’s ‘s ouher may not ape favourably with Ma, novels with which I am unacquainted, but it is a novel so distinctly inferior in style and construction to Marzio’s Crucifiz, that it might have been r written by a erent hand. NQ Resins capitally, and the .= Fee is =. Fe ag ms ee to the discovery ‘my long lost brother” without the cf strawberry || 7 mark on his left arm” ; but after this 1) it is, as it were, one long anti-climax. =U Of Marzio’s Crucifiz you can, indeed \ you must, read every line, but with Paul Patoff the habitual novel-reader may take plenty of exercise in the way of skipping almost all the pages where he does not ree any dialogue leading up to a situation. 4 pr of dialogue, Pro- fessor Cutter’s opinion (whether it be the a s or not. I cannot pretend to say) on “ puns” might have pleased Dr. Samvet Jony- som, but would not have been considered flattering by SHaxsrzrane. A mere punster who_ is ly punning in season out of season, is, of course, as great a nuisance as the stupid Person who has got heart a considerable portion of SmaxsPeake's plays, and who interrupts every conversation with inopportune quota- tions; but such puns as Suexmpan, Hoox, Hoop, and, in our own time H. J. Bron could make, were mirth-moving, Soqunty the occasion of their utterance gave the word-play | the condensed force of a neatly-turned satirical ovigrem. ** Those who cry out against the play on words as an unnatural and sffected invention,” says ScuieceL on the jeux de mots of SHAK*PEARE, “only betray their own ignorance of original nature.” The . including this Professor, who is unintentionally a — are not drawn with a Manion CravrorD-like touch, vigorous incisive, but are rather ordinary puppets from the stock-in-trade of the professional novelist. They are not Craufordian figures, but common Marionettes. The Author of By Virtue of his Office, writes to say that he did not make his Miss Verity claim to be the author of The Children's Cry in one of Mr. Punch’s numbers, but that when this young lady blushingly owns the soft impeachment of having written some- thing, at all events, in the particular issue alluded to in the novel, she Rinne The Children’s Cry by one of Mr. Punch's dear clever Boys, but the in which there was as much soul as in — 8 a of the Children. I this is perfectly clear to he second volume of Henry Invine Shakspeare, whivh is being issued by Messrs. BLacxie, is just out. Unfortunately I was “* just out” when it arrived, and could only glance at its contents on my return to office. The illustrations by Gorpow Baowwe seem to me excellent compositions, dramatic, bat not peniel annotations, yo t a, = explanations, are by r. Frawx MARswALL Mr. Mastow Cravrorn’s ed oh "aight say, ‘* we have the - facts duly Marshalled, and the result should be good Oy I've read two out of the Four Ghost Stories, by Mra. M The first is common ; I’ve known the ghost of that nat old Pad in the lumber-room for years, but Mrs. MoLeswortH’ 8 of ‘‘ brushing past a aches on the stairs,” otherwise it did not im no case be returned, not even when there will be no exéeption. SH NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Dra accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed En

Page 15

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