Punch 1883-12-04: Vol 86 SPECIAL ISSUE

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/ALMANACK Price THREEPENCE: {aw ce _fw SOG age. \, 5» —~<. PosTace One Penny.

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PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, LONDON, ' os AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS AND NEWSAGENTS. 2UNCH’S ALMANACK

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PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 18 84. [December 4, 4, 183 v orks ‘ t of all the world for my enjoy- m WASHINGTON IRVING. still make me, at times, den deed, I can read almost the only COLERIDGE ] am very ill ix r they art can read ave read all Walter Scott's novels at fifty times. BYRON. r fiction read Scott alone, all novels er his are worthless CHARLOTTE BRONTE. sair and a cigar, and a hundred ling of the glorious Walter , president, and god there is the regimen LKIE NOVELS. Bart. COLLINS. Scorr, s1OR EDITIONS. | Leary Edition. Illustrated about zoo Steel Plates by the most ninent Artists of their time. Large type. In 25 vols Demy vo, cloth, price Z 128. 6d. Illus- trated with 1600 Wood Engravings and 9g eel Plates. price £6 | Centenary Edition. Roxburghe Edition. Fcap. 8vo, cloth, With In 48 vols. Additional Notes Illustrated with 158 Steel Plates and 25 Woodcut Vignettes. vols. Crown 8vo, cloth, price £4 45 Tw elve Volume Edition. rinted from the Plates of the Centenary tion IMustrated with Steel Frontis- picoes and Woodcuts. In12 vols. Crown price £2 &s. | Pocket Edition. _Iilustrated | with 125 Woodcut Engravings. In 25 ] | 12mo, det, price £1 175. | I}lustrated Woodcut Vignettes and Frontis- 8vo, cloth, price £1 15. | Cheap Edition. pieces In 4 vols. | v} urgh ADAM & CHARLES BLACK. GOLDEN HAIR. ROBARE’S AUREOLINE Produces the beautiful Golden Colour so much admired. 6d. amd 10s tly harmiess. Price s Agents, RK Warranted perf: f the World, Wholesak é6d., fA all the we Perfumers and aren throughout HOVEND N & SONS, LONDON FISH ER’S GLADSTONE BAG 188, STRAND CATALOGUES POST FREE. SPENGES iu VELVETEENS. 100 COLOURS GUARANTEED FAST PILE. IN EVERY SHADE, 2% 3/8, 3/11, 4/6 PATTERNS SENT FREE. 76 to 79, St. Paul’s Churchyard, London. SULPHOLINE LOTION. A GURE FOR SKIN DISEASES. There 1s scarcely any eruption but will yield to “ Sulpholine” in a few days, and commence to fade away Ordinary pimples, redness, blotches, scurf, roughness, vanish as if by magic ; whilst old, enduring skin disorders, however deeply rooted, ‘* Sulpholine will successfully attack. It destroys the animaicula which cause these unsightly, irritable, painful affections, = always produces a clear healthy skin. “ Sulpholine “ orion is sold by most (hemists. Bottles, 2s. 9-7. DINNEFORD'S MAGNESIA. For Acidity of the Stomach, Heartburn, Headache, Gout, and Indigestion. Safest Aperient for Ladies and Children THE Thi em it wn country gentleman, who was gifted with a keen spirit of manly #f mirth and jollity. | Sportsman's Complete ¥ibrary of Reading. inimitable series of volumes is absolutely unique, there being nothing approaching to all the wide range of modern or ancient literature. ssionately devoted to the healthy sport of fox-hunting, umour of a Rabelaisian tinge, they abound with incidents The artist, Mr. Leech, was himself also an enthusiast in the sport, Written by Mr. Surtees, a well- ? reflected in his illustrations, with instinctive appreciation, the rollicking abandon of e author s stories. “HANDLEY CROSS” SERIES | OF SPORTING NOVELS. Embellished with nearly 1000 of Joun Lescu’s best Sketches on Wood, and nearly 100 | Hand-coloured Steel Engravings. Half morocco, with panelled hunting adornments, gilt = finished, price £4 155. | Five volumes, medium 8vo, large margin, cloth extra, price £3 | These Volumes can be had separately as under: | HANDLEY CROSS; or, Mr. Jorrocks’s Hunt. Many Sketches on Wood, and 17 Steel Engravings. Price 16s. | ASK MAMMA; or, the Richest Commoner in England. Many GHUBB’S SAFES. Price Lists s Lists sent free, 128, QUEEN VICTORIA sf., EC., 68, St. James's Street, Pall Mall, London; Manchester, Liverpool, & Birmingham. CHUBB'S LOCKS. Morson’s PREPARATIONS. OF Pepsine. 3:33 Meies od ty the Medical Profe:sion for As Wine in Bottles at 35., 5s., and 9. se, s000%; INGigestion and 45- 6c. : Ghobules, 2s., 35. 6d., and 6s. 6d. } 4 and Powder, in 1 oz. Bottles, at 4s. each, Sold by all Chemists. The popularity ‘Pepdee has acquired as almost a specific tor chronic dyspepsia, indigestion, &c., is due to the fact that it is the nearest possible pro- duction of the active principle of the pus juice of the stomach. Unfortunately, like all other inven- tions of a like nature, Pepsine has been not slightly discredited by the spurious manufactures that have been issued from time to time ; it is therefore neces- sary, as a guarantee of its efficacy, to see that cach bottle bears the makers’ name, MORSON «& SON, Southampton Row, Russell Square, London. “The Perfection of Nursery Powders.” THE SANITARY ROSE POWDER An Antiseptic Dusting Powder, FOR TOILET & CHILDREN’S USE. “ It promises well for Nursery use.” —Lamcet.—“ May be strongly | recommended.”—AMedical Press and Circular.——" An improvement on the old- fashioned Violet Powders.” "—Brit, Med. Fournal.—“ Deserves very high comnenteten. "London Medical Record.— No doubt it is a superior article, fragrant, soothing, and cleanly.”— 7he Queen. A reliable substitute for Violet Powder, 8 5 Proprietors, J. WOOLLEY, SONS @ CO., Manufacturing Pharmaceutical Chemists, MANCHESTER. Sold by all Chemists, 1s. Free by Post, 12 Stamps. This Grand Eleven Years Jd, 25s. per gallon, sos. per dozen. For Cash only, Supplied by a. MATHEWS "” Whiskey Merchants, London and Inverness. Counting House and Duty Paid Warehouses, 92, STREET, LONDON, N.W. CARLTON WHISKEY. Same as supplied to the Carlton Club. CUTLER, PALMER & Co., Agents for India. Seemed WHISKY of edd LLERIES ae PRE iladelphia Centennial E. arg = — “WER » FULL vou ¥ AND fects SPIRIT.” This fine Old Irish Whisk y be had of the cipal Wine and Spirit As and is i to Whole- sale Merchants, in casks and cases, by THE CORK DISTILLERIES COMPANY (Limited), Morrison's Island, Cork. MEDAL AT PARIS GOLD EXHIBITION, 12878. FIRST MEDAL AT PRIZE SYDNEY EXHIBITION, T PRIZE MEDALS AT CORK EXHIBITION, 1683 THE GRESHAME? LIFE ASSURANCE SOCIETY. ESTABLISHED 18 incorporated under the Act 7 4 8 Vict., ¢. Registered under the Act 25 & 26 Vict., c. & HEAD OFFICE: ST. MILDRED'S HOUSE, POULTE LONDON, E.C. AGENCY DEPARTMENT. . A. RAYNSFORD, =. t -~ Secret & R. NEWSON, Esq, .. th of Engla: A. P. FABIAN, Esq...++.0++ Superintendent fa WILLIAM ELLIOT, Esq. ~~ eae fo reland. JOHN WRIGHT, Esq. ... BRANCH OFFICES. ENGLAND. Birmingham —18, Bennett’s Hill. eee Sok Spanien, Kank Street. Brighton-- ‘avi.ion Buildings. Bristol—1, Broad Quay. Hulil—Trinity House Lane, Liverpool—Gresham ley ey 99, Dale S = D ere | or no Br: indents o t to do without ies, which rs ago I ent to the lected a | eel sprin that I see like the 1 luced to th sco | rr: St. Vincent Street. + Commercial Street. Edin , George Street. Aberdeen—28, Market Street. IRELAND. Dublin—3, Westmoreland Street. Moderate Rates a= Sveum. Liberal mer wEa Leasehold aegis ib Also to Corporate and other Public _ security of had some is, I pres Dffered for re A ACES of Rates, ates, ic. SPIRAL. ] R SOLD | obtained « on pn application to “a Societ = aon Branch Offices, “JOSEPH ALLEN, Sec ASK FOR LIEBIG GOMPAN EXTRACT OF MEA (CAUTION. LXEBIG COMPANY'S EXTRA Numerous MD vary and ot priced su’ be in the market with misleadin, and portraits of the late Baron must insist upon having the [JEBIG COMPANY'S EX N.B.—Genuine only with simile of Baron Liebig’s Sig in Blue Ink, across Label. *,* In usc in most households hro the kingdom. KINAHAN’S LL Wal TEE CREAM OF OLD IRISH WHISE! Pure, Mild, Mellow, Delic very Wholesome, UNIVERSALLY BY MEDICAL. PROFESSION. Gold Medal, Paris Exhibition, 1878. The Gold Medal, Dublin Exhibition, 20, Great Titchfield Street, THE “GEM” PATENT AIR-CUAT URAI Vy estimonials ct, most effective, ard acct UNB in the Market! BEWARR OF IMITATIONS. Price Thirty-five Shillings. AD. ARBENZ, 107 & 108, GREAT © BIRMINGHAM, Hundreds are the most by far the f Sketches on Wood, and 13 Steel Engravings. Price 14s. SPONGE’S SPORTING TOUR. Many Sketches on Wood, and 13 Steel Engravings. Price 14s. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? Many Sketches on Wood eel En- gravings. ce 14s. MR. FACEY ROMFORD'’S HOUNDS. 24 Steel Er rice 145. Uniform with the Waxy Cross Series, / By the Author of “ Farr Drana,” With 22 Coloured Illustrations and many Engravings 1 S. BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., 8,9, & 10, BOUVER ', EC.

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St ptreel Wr 4, 1883.) PUNCH’S ALMAN NACK FOR 1884, ENT SPIRAL SPRING HH ) 4 here writes in ‘‘ Truth,” Oct. 4, 1883: or no Braces, has been exercising the minds ndents of the 7imes, One gentleman says t to do without them, another that he can n without them by hitching up his trousers es, which he terms an objectionable practice. rs ago I was in Paris, and, wanting a pair of ent to the shop called ‘ Old E ngland* to buy lected a pair which both behind and before teel springs. Any movement extended the that I seemed to have no braces on, and yet like the unfortunate correspondent of the luced tothe necessity of periodically hitching sers. The next time I went to Baris len- to buy another pair of the braces, but was could not get them, so on my return to og some made, Why there is no sale for I presume, is the only reason for their bffered for > do not Know, for unques H RE = MOST COMEORKT- LD BY ALL HOSIE HE SPECIFIC FOR URALGIA. 2s. Od., 4s. 6d., and 11s. SOLD EVERYWHERE. -- - he Si “ sn ~ WA he. bed AN: wre _— >» a* - se in Sauce * *e All, USTARD WITHOUT EGGS, am @,94 7 IRD’S Bees SENG) POWDER Yas BEST AND CHEAPEST ‘URAL APERIENT Uripa DU WATER fost JANOS grows the natura! colour, not grey use defes detection. The most harmiess and effectual Sold by Chemists, Perfumers, &c., in cases, ror gt & 32, BERNERS STREET, OXFORD STREET, can be had, and Testimonials seen CREY HAIR restored by NUDA VERITAS, after which the hair Unequalied as a dressing, it causes growth, arrests falling, and ITs One trial will convince it has no equal. Wholesale Agents, R. HOVENDEN & SONS, restorer extant. od, W., and o3 & 95, CiTY ROAD, Lonpon, E.C. Circulars NEAVE'S FOOD. NEAVE'S For Infants and Invalids, irst TOD. 1825, For Mothers and rao r OOD. cheapest _Int t Ib. 15. canisters NEAVES | Fi D, — “ Carefully prepared and N chy As. "—Lancet, “Well adapted iidren, aged people, and invalids.”— rr OOD ai Fournal, —A Pure Cereal Preparation EAVES F N Seoeseted by the Faculty generally. Sold everywhere, and Wholesale of J. R. NBAVE & Co., Fordingbridge, England NEAVE’S FOOD. “FOR THE BLOOD IS THE LIFE.” CLARKE’S WORLD FAMED BLOOD MIXTURE Is warranted to cleanse the blood from all impurities, from whatever cause arising For Scrofula, Scurvy. Sores of all kinds, Skin and Blood Diseases, its effects are marvellous, Thousands of testimonials from all parts. In bottles 2s. 6¢. cach, and in cases of six times the quantity, 115. each, of all Chemists. Sent to any address, for 30 or 132 stamps, by the proprietors, THE LINCOLN AND MIDLAND COUNTIES DRUG COMPANY, LINCOLN. BY THE qucors BRB PREPARED CALIFORNIAN BORAX Hovsenotp TREASURE — QUEEN SEPTICS. In 1d., 34. and 6d. Packet ‘ telligent Dealers, "and used by Intelligent Persons throughout the World Sample s Packet, with Directions, its Discovery, U Recipes, Preparations, and Interest- ing Papers, for Two Stamps, Post-free from the Works, PATENT BORAX COM- PANY, BIRMINGHAM BEST & SAFEST DENTIERICE SOLD BY ALL CHEMIST AND PERFUMERS, IN ELECANT CRYSTAL TOILET CASKET PRICE Ay SPECIAL AUTHORITY. or ANTI- Sold by In- SF 20TH __Seiven WETALLIC BOX . ost inns a NON -MERCURIAL. The BEST and SAFEST ARTICLE forCLEANING SILVER, ELECTRO-PLATE, &c. GOLD MEDAL, New Ze@land, 682, Boxes, ts., 24. 6d., and 4s. 6d. ACCIDENTS !— 64, Cornhill. NO MAN I8 SAFE FROM ACCIDENTS! WISE MEN INSURE AGAINST THEIR COST! ACCIDENTS BY LAND OR WATER INSURED AGAINST BY THE Railway P: ’ Assurance Compy. The oldest largest Sey + pee against Su Aa of al ubscri Ca Paid-up Capital aia, 2,009 200-000, MODERATE PREMIUMS, Bonus allowed to Insurers after Five Years. 21,840,090 has been Paid as COMPENSATION. Apply to the Clerks at the Railway Stations, the Local Agents, or 8, Grand Hotel Buildings, Charing Cross, or at the Head Office, 64, CORNRILE, LoxDdh, ILLIAM J, VIAN, Secretary, FOR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. ARPA py ont oS Feats ot = “DEUS NOBIS HAC OTIA FECIT.” Silver Medal, Amsterdam Exhibition, 1883 . Per Case of Six Bottles, 36s.; Six Half Bottles, 21, H. CHURCHMAN, HORSHAM, SUSSEX. LIQUEUR OF THE GRANDE CHARTREUSE. This pe Liqueur and the only y for Dyspepsia, ere- known tofore so 5 dite 2? rs can now be Spirit 4B, Consignee for the United Kingdom and the Colonies, W. DOYLE, 2, NEW LONDON STREET, E.O. PEPPER’S QUININE & IRON FOR GAINING STRENGTH, TONIC, energies, pam enuine, Ine and Rouses and develops the n the bleod, promotes appetite, ye Is languor and de- pression, fortifies the digestive Tease. Is a specific remedy for neuralgia, indigestion, fevers, chest affec- tions, and wasting diseases, &c. The whole frame is greatly invigorated by Pepper's Tonic, the mental faculties brightened, the constitution greatly strengthened. Bottles, 32 doses. by Chemists. Insist upon having Pepper's Tonic. IRON WINE BINS. Ww *ovcEr TRON BINS, as fitted at the Reval Palaces and the largest Private and Trade Cellars. Cel- lular Bins, with separate rest for each bottle, kept in stock in various sizes, and made to order to fit any space CELLAR REQUISITES of all kinds. ilustrated Price Lists. FARROW AND JACKSON, 16, Great Tower Street, E.C., and 8, Haymarket, S.W. C.BRANDAUER&C® C POINTED PENS POINTED Write as smoothly as a lead pencil, and neither scratch nor spurt, the points being rounded by a new process Assorted Sample Box, of any Stationer, or send 7 stamps to the WORKS, BIRMINGHAM. London Warehouse, 24, King Edward Street, E.C. 23&G6 NO CLUBS AND WATCH BUYERS.— No Travellers. IN return for a £10 note, free a 1f, GOLD WATCHEs, “TO WATCH eS Oe ee ee, at 20 per Cent. Reductio., and will Wi o Commissions. perfect for time, beauty, ard workmanship, action, air-tight, damp-tight, and dust- tight. —65, CHEAPSIDE, Bennetts WATCHES a hver apse MORE WATCH ‘CH KEYS. SIk JOHN wae he keep no more Key nd safe by post, one of BENNETT'S LADY’S with a ONDON PATTERNS POST FRER, with other Fashionable Wool Fabrics for LADIES and GENTLEMEN, Under ROYAL and IMPERIAL Patronage, geRTON BuRNET|S Yact SER PROOF AGAINST SALT WATER, Price for Ladies, 1s, 2)d. to 4s. 64. Do, for Gentlemen, S4in., from 2s. 11d. k Address, EGERTON BURNETT, No. B, WELLINGTON, SOMERSET, Any Length Cut. No Agents. ONE DOSE rapidly removes the ter- rible pains arising from Neuralgia in the Head, Face-ache, and Tooth- ache, even when proceeding from a decayed tooth, rendering extraction ne onto ma rereone and Sick Tikneel Ts absolute’ Morphia, Opium, paration of g As by and the prog etors yh a = confidence fn recommending it to the public as a most valuable medicine for safely, speedily, and certainly curing one of the most cc ymmon but painful classes of disease. It is not pretended to be a cure for every ache and pain, but a positive and scientific mode of relieving Neuralgia in the Head, Face, and Teeth, oapelicly known as “Tic.” It at once removes the Tooth-ache to which Females are at times so peculiarly subject. Price as.67. BUTLER & . ners 4, Cheapside, E.C. Parcels Post Free for of. in Stamps or P.O.0., from the Pr«prietors, Ci. ARKE, BLEASDALF, BELL, & Co.. Yor “(WINTER PUNCH.” yeckettsWinterine The Best Substitute for Brandy. Invaluabie for Pains in the Stomach. ! An excellent Preventive to Cold. Can be used with either hot, cold, or atrated water "It cannot fail to recommend itself, both to the me dical pro‘ession and the public ¢ one rally, after a single trial.”"—C. HATHAWAY, Esq., )., Bath Pints 15. Od. (sufficient for ~ ently tumblers), Half Pints 1s IMFORTANT.—T wo Pints, carriage paid toany address, for 4. ; Six Pints, 10s. 6¢.; Twelve Pints, 20s, Sole Manufacturer, Ww, BECK ETT, Heywood, Man- thester. London Depot, os, Farringden Street, F 4 FIVE GOLD MEDALS ORWICKS BAKING POWDER FOR BREAD WITHOUT YEAST PASTRY CAKES & PUDDINGS “QUE A TABL E \\ WATERS \ \\\ An AS ALE 10,000,000.

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PU NCH'S ALMANACK FOR 1884.

CHOCOLAT MENIE} FOR BREAKFAST. ANNUAL CONSUMPTION EXCEEDS 25,000,000 Las PARIS. LONDON. NEW YORK. SAMUEL BROTHERS, *wse" 65 & 67, eee th eg | oe & Se Ks Sy a | 2a) Coe | tog? . . ‘£ < Sy

“PRINCE? sur, ‘JERSEYS ot ot youre a were

a SAMUEL BROTHERS. sid G5 & GT, LUBGATE HILL,“ (<3 Sample Box by po 18. It “| have found it matchless are the NALDIRE’S MACNIVEN & CAMERON'S LATEST PATENT Iw PEK Nos Soapllwansdeits EN Btn Pens and | Pe nholders; Penmakers to Her Mijs skin and complexion.” Keneneinenes Fa ren | | j “Mek TAR EMI. “NORFOLK” suit, “aac Tae: “sui “savor” oul, * OXOMIAN” SUIT) «EDINBORO: Ic ETON’ Sur, | « "HIGHLAND J: ‘EDINBORO’ | x: to “\ no YS ofa Being an ingenious contrivance for Retaining Ink. Chemists a wo4 ede: omens Oties °93. Blair 3t., Edinburgh (/ s¢4. a) ee | [RECOMMENDED BY Professor SIR ERAS WILSON, FRA “TL have pleasure in stating that | have used your Sov, jcr some \h SF aan time, and prefer it to «+, other.” Dei achy larged | =~ atio I above, a a other or are show ik —— —y cali ae 8 forwa sj cae ary hae s post-free. mm 60. & 1s. per Box, at all Stations | SOLD -ERYWHERE.

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AA a / | January xxxi Days. March xxxi Days. | May xxxi Days. | July xxxi Days. September xxx Days. || November zxx Days. | i} Te[Cireumen iz[PiPrankiia b || [3 [xe David fu7|M [se Petrie || | rher-anaee [1719 Jeanerty || 1M |. Sedaw'70[6lT.[D. Cored. || 1/6 | AN B-inte lf 23 6. of Tr. 2 W jaw dost fiir is & |1 & im Lem lu! T: (Sere d. 2F js27h.20m |19\S Rogation 6 2.0 «the Se. 6m. 117) W | Lamont. Ay 218. of. Tr} 17) a dy a{Thle. Tria fils [Wass b M |B. Merton |19|W |Lucknew t.|| 3)8 |B. Zamora |10\M |Danstan BIW |5.0.6h ddan li} 1) \Geo L land. || aM | Per. Leigh |) 6) T.| Wilkie ar bA.unt eurne Ss ese To \3 1.6b.41m.)20\Th\Newen a | ‘§ toe af.Bas | 2: T. Columbus ¢. 4/Th Mescow Ut) 4" | Poliiers 4 T1827 dem. 110) W it, Arcola 5S Bd. vonf 4) '\\M — W j3.0.5b. 450 21)" |Hilwy T.« 8 Map 1 & 421)W lAere rel 5 Comte 4. 203 | Alma 64 6, W | So 4h. 26m. | 20) Tb aCalop. 6\$ @ Sat. Chr | 'y| Cu) Vincent ThiDe Menries|22)$ |sapGer.b || 6/¥ iJon Bran. | 22) Uh|Ascon 6S [Cothert dé $21) [158.6 1r.|| Ot | Leommnd = | ai/F | 7\M ‘Spy hen te \Pies 4.1006 ‘erpetua = /23)S [48 im Lent || 7 W iNap.L Col 23 7 |. Rem lies 7 $ SS. af. Tr tae) 4 1B Kerteh 7\¥ [Bm aus Con 8 Tes. vr. Ah 7m | 4 A. Bick & WHLITL 4 \24\M 1 Blin. 4. |) STE ot. Tie j248 \y Viet.» OM (Ns. 07 M jeri T-/Aem. @ b us . 4 PAT} 4 B. of Te. W 8.0.4h8 »] '5/F |Bures b. Ss im Lent $25) 1 iy Day || OF (Schiller d )25'8 }-.afAscen O/T ull. Flodden |24)W js. Butler é 8 28 6. of. Tr. | 24) . K 10; Th Nep LL oJ vols ensil dise.|| 10[M |sehilier b 126/W |v. Cam & 198 jAE-ge Day \ 26)“ |Augustine iow oy 2! | 1) Porson é. 10\M | M Lastherb eae LF Belary Tb 77) BB fBpip. || 11! gg i Tames 1. é is 45, =t. Kos 127'Twi Ven. Bede ian) 3 20|¥ [St Cyprian || Hi) 1 ui8t. Meartm |26)W 1G, Grist 19]3 Leewnter 4. |) /3) td. 12\W |Gregory 28) t 12M |D.15b.23e | 28) W |W. Pitt b. 12F |itlwcher dja; )4 Hoeace | ia] Baxter | 47/ Tb Prat A.6. i$ eas ‘9'Te iL 4. |} 13: rieatiey b 29/5 | Towten ji2 TwO. May Day | 29/Th Coast res. 138 [Tel hKebir | § 168 of Tr. || 18T Melee »? Bonsee 4. 14[M ‘Oat LT. wi ‘4 ~ Italy b, 190) S 56 im Lem) |) ) 4 W Gra Or 14,8 148.06 Te 20 Mich. Day 147 leibeits 4 | 4) )6 \Bermend b. A ) 15/Ta Oreind plot | 51 Twi T.0}) 16)3 |Masingr.t 191M [Tr. Paris |!5 Th O'Connell a jai 8 Cacten tke. 16 jis Be we Tose jp ioe aelet “|S Ads: Bee. "a . 16|W B Coruane 1S 38 in Lees! | ier BA pr] | ———_— a ne ———— ——= || ——— April xxx Days. June xxx Days. October xxxi Days. December xxxi Days. ITA: Foote [ile W jensen @ | WS [Whi Sun. [re] fe. Teghie iw |e. v. oe Wis thi7|W B.Nolte 70 2) |4r.66.36m /|17/TS/8 Colle en || £) 4 tik. Holiday |'7) Tu St. Alba: . 2) 1" [RaSh 1biT his. Speers BThite6h B4n lf Geeuntd. || Site 1$ oF | tens 4\F A [i#]4 |. Byron |) 414 41M |e ‘ sat be .} 207°S |Lew Sus. t oir. 1S 17 » 61S [Palm Sun. |21|M [Rucine 4 ew eM aya 7 22) Tuidesse 7 7} Ts ib. Mote Pit 2) W St. George bal +1 . Act ad 24) Thi Lemire #8 Tht Denys repr SF |St. Mark 10g WF \Day 11 hes tile « 6 \Byr.Coote 4} i™ hile ' ie D. igh ¥ 17 |S |2 8. af. Bas. || | f2iTe | 11S 88 of Te ms awe Sun. [2eiV iB yore j law ne. be | 1a) Piece lnoex 14] |Bk, Holiday [20/Tu D 14b.5 9m 4h ThtAc 4. Mowe || 14/ Ts B Semine } rs 1s} teB. WwW Fitsvey isi Seott bi 41S [2k af. Tr.| | 1) |W Virgil e's "HViersit'e’ | eth Boudl-wrs ‘

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| | | ' PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1884. THE SEASON. Farmer's Wife (to little Rustic, her Protégé). *‘Wett, Sam, Your Master awp I ake coinc up To Loypon yor THE CaTTLE Snow.” JANUARY. Upon the Ice, ’tis nice to glide, [side ! A merry maiden by your The air is keen, the day is fine, You think the sport is most divine, When skimming o'er the frozen tide. To Miss CHINCHILLA you | confide, How proud you are to be her guide ; Then try to cut some quaint design | | | Upon the Ice. | With measured motion, | | | to accede to the recommend- rhythmic stride, You put on speed and put on side : You cut the figures Eight and Nine— And sometimes on your back recline ! Such falls will sometimes come to pride Upon the Ice. On Dits.—Her MAJEsty has been graciously pleased ation on the part of the Pre- MIER to create the Marquis of SALISBURY a Duke.— The Christian Young Men's Society have invited Pro- fessor HUXLEY to deliver a | Lecture on “ Evolution” at | Exeter Hall. i ip ! il THK } Ky I} hts fi GEA LG AME Cow Boy. “On, I’m sure I nope Yeou Lt Take THE Fost Paize, "M—tTHat I pew!” ie. Ph: e! ae HAPPY THOUGHT! Ambitious Wife of his Lordly Bosom. “‘I wisu you PD Go ow a STaRRtIxc Tour mt AMERICa, My Love, aNd TAKE THE CHOIR WITH YoU! | CHOIR CAN TOUCH OURS, YOU KNOW—AND YOU'RE QUITE THE HANDSOMEST OF THE ENGLISH Bisnoes |” It WOULD BE sUcH a Success! THERE 's NO FEBRUARY. Sarnt Valentine! The post is late ! No letters come—'tis long past Eight ! But on this bright aus- Picious day Frivolity holds laughing sway, And sober Commcrce has to wait ! The burdened postmen moan their fate, This Festival they repro- bate ; And often think they ’d like to flay Saint Valentine ! But in these views you ’ll find Miss KATE Does not at all partici- pate ; And Nina, Mary, F1o, and Fay, With Daisy, VIOLET, and May, Right gleefully commemo- rate— Saint Valentine ! Curious BOTANICAL CHance.—Old Almanacks say, “Maidenhair flowers on 31st January.” Flowers may now be seen on Maiden- hair all the year round, especially in the evening and at Balls. SMoKER’s ProversB.—IIl “ Weeds ” blow apace.

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iat C™ Becember 4, 1863.) PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1884. A CHRISTMAS CHAPTER ON SS ' g's cot . - ae . ul dade teeta { “Mr. Mivers axp Ma BiatrT are Gorxa on A Sxercuinc Tour, Papa, Way NOT JOIN THEM?”—‘‘OH, WHENEVER I'M ALONE WITH BLATT, HE PITCHES INTO Mivers ! AND WHENEVER I’M ALONE WITH MIVERS, HE piTCcHES INTO BLATT; AND WHENEVER THEY'RE ALONE, TREY PITCH INTO Mg!"—*“ YOU MIGHT ALL THRER KEEP TOGETHER !"—“‘ WHY, WHAT ON EARTH SHOULD WE HAVE TO TALK AsouT?” vy — ) 1 vy iG SN ) a St ig yf I > ee ems “Leox were, OLp Man! You RE ALWAYs TELLING mE ABOUT H.R.H., ayp ALL THE DuKEs You Go SHOOTING WITH, AND ALL THE DUCHESSES WHO CAN'T GET ON WITHOUT you |[—AND WHEN I TRY TO TELL You AbouT THE BARONET WHO LEFT fis CARD ON ME BY MISTAKE, AND THE DowaceR VISCOUNTESS WHO CALLED ON MY MOTHER-IN-LAW ABOUT THE CHARACTER OF A COOK, YOU SUDDENLY TURN ROUND AND ASK AFTER THE HEALTH OF MY UXCLE THE Pork-BUTCHER !” “OLD FRIENDS.”’ “Way sot co axp see SmiTv, JouN, AS YOU SeEM SO DULL?”—On, He's A Bore! He pogsy’r TAKE ANY INTEREST IN MY AFFAIRS, AND DORSN'T CARE TO TALK aBsouT HIS OWN !"—*‘ WELL, GO AND see JONES, THEN |"—‘On, HR's 60 Beastly InquisiTive !"”— Weir, ROBINSON !”—“ Ou, UB'S ALWAYS 7'4LKING 4BOUT HIMSELF i” \{\ ! “ONE NEVER SEES ANYTHING OF YOU, NOW YOU'VE GROWN 80 SUCCESSFUL, Jones! 1 suppose you Preven New Frienps wuo FLatren, TO Ov Faienps, WHO TELL vou THE TRUTH !/”—‘Wett, vou sex, OLD Man, FLatteny's worTH. LesSS, WHEREAS TRUTH 18 SO RARE AND VALUABLE AN ARTICLE, THAT I CAN'T BEAR TO ENCOURAGE THE LAVISH RECKLESSNESS WITH WHICH You ALWAYS S£EM #0 READY TO SQUANDER IT—ESPECIALLY ON MyseLr i” fi

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PUNCH’S ALM: AN ACK FOR 1884. el LJ: "VANE _ DIFFERENT PEOPLE TAKE DIFFERENT \ A VENAL VALENTINE. A DIALOGUE or THE Day. “ Lapy, may I call you mine ? Fair you are in form and face, And your singing is divine, While you dance with perfect grace ; You would make a winsome wife, Tell me, will you crown my life ?’ | “Sir, I’m honoured by your | thought, And the pleasant words you ‘ve said ; I ‘ve been fashionably taught, Or such talk might turn my head ; I don’t ask for brains or birth, Only tell ms what you're worth.’ I ‘ve a competence, my dear, What's enough for one fits two Just a thousand pounds a year. Or I would not dare to woo : Love within a cot, ma belle, | But it shall be furnished well” | “ One poor thousand! Fie! for shame ! You presume like other men. I¢ an't hange my maiden name nder twenty ‘ thou.’ or ten. Fifty would be better - so, Gentle Sir, I must say * No!’” But I love you, oh, my sweet ! Has not that a potent spell ? | ‘| F " ae a j = a — £ Wa _ Vi ‘i t ! | tid teh CHonta tral THN Pires Old Chappie. ul Oid Chanpie Ad THE FISHERIES. “ AW—AWF LY 6 Wonrpiw How 1 JoLLY—THE Mosic, En?” WILL AFFECT THE Price or Fisn! VIEWS.—VENICE "ACCORDING TO THREE ARTISTS. _ See, I vow before your feet, In all years to love you well. Put my love into the scale ‘Gainst the gold, and list my tale.” “Love ’gainst gold! It kicks the beam. ‘Tis a fancy of old time. |I ‘m too well brought up to dream As the poets do in rhyme : And the Valentine for me Need bring only £. s. d./” Ox Drt.—His Royal High- ness the Duke of CAMBRIDGE, in compliance with the request of General Boon, will shortly review the Salvation Army. THERE ’S many a slip ’T wixt the boy and the “ tip.” A stitch in the side Spoils the “ sprinter’s ” pride. When the “ Cat” is away The Garotter will play. A “ big pot” May catch it hot. Con. FOR SCIENTISTS. — Why is a decapitated criminal like a Chinaman ?—Because he is at once beve)headed and cur- tailed. Wuy can Venison never be a cheap article of diet ?—Be- cause it is Deer at any price. Why are Irish Debates like CooK’s Tours ?—Beeause they re ‘‘ personally ” conducted.

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PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 18%.

\ - AN Wal \ y\\ WW A \ \ . = * 9,4 ae

\ YN, ‘* ARCADES AMBO.” New M.?’. (grandly). “Tae Houser!” Cabby (lately from the Provinces also). “’Ouse !—wnat 'Ouse?” {Explanations in the rain! Cabby said, when he returned to the Shelter, “* The lanquage that Ge'tleman give 'im was that ch’ice, he thought he must ‘a’ been one o’ the Irish lot!"

MFRRY ENGLAND IN THE MODERN TIME. THE phraseology of the period (some of it) seems decidedly to signify a revival of the days of Chivalry. Recently the papers | reported a grand “Jawn Tennis Tournament.” A little before that, | they published accounts of a “ Chess Tournament; ” and various other contests of all kinds are likewise described as “ Tournaments.”’ What | next? A Billiard Tournament, perhaps, a Backgammon Tournament, | and a Pool Tournament. If a Chess Tournament, why not also a Whist Tournament, and then a Loo Tournament and a Vingt-et-un Tourna-| \\\ ment as well? Moreover, the boys may have their innings at a Cricket | | Tournament. and a series of games at Football, dignified with the title | of a “ Football Tournament,”’ might be placed on the same footing. | Besides “Tournaments” going on in every direction, there are also advancing on all hands to the front large numbers of daring | “Champions.” The humblest crafts and callings have their Champions | now. There is a Champion Bill-Sticker ; possibly, too, a Champion | Ratcatcher. These bold Knights are understood to advertise and pro- | claim that they invite and defy competition in their respective industries. To that effect they, as it were, blow their own trumpets.| ™~ No end of Challenges offered and accepted, and fought out in matches | for Challenge Cups, Plates, and similar prizes of victory, appear to bespeak a return to the martial manners of the Middle Ages. | ZODIACAL EQUATIONS. Jax UARY—Agquarius, Water-bearer . = Man Mackintosh-wearer. Fesruary— Pisces, the Fishes . . = Sleet cuts us like swishes. | |

Marcu—Aries, the Ram . Panes rattle, doors slam. APRriL—Tuurus, the Bull . The gutters all full. May— Gemini, the Twins Mankind requires fins. JUNE—Cancer, the Crab . Skies a dull drab. JuLty—Leo, the Lion : The pavement we fry on. AvuGust— Virgo, the Virgin . Autumnal mists merge in. SepTEMBER— Libra, the Scales . Blows thundering gales. | OcroBER—Seorpie, the Scorpion Gut Tennis-bats warpy on. | NoveMBER—<Aagittarius, the Archer . Night frost, day a parcher. | DEceMBER—Cupricornus, the Goat . = World a funeral afloat. | A DovsBLe DonKxey.—An Assassin. Hu i uunuu a |

THE TREACHEROUS TIDE. I SAT on a slippery rock, In the grey cliff’s opal shade, And the wanton waves went curvetting by Like a roystering cavalc .de And they doffed their crested plumes, As they kissed the biushing sand, Till her rosy face dimpled over with smiles At the tricks of the frolicsome band. Then the kittywake laughed, “ Ha! ba!” And the sea-mew wailed with pain, As she sailed away on the shivering wind To her home o’er the surging main. And the jelly-fish quivered with rage, While the dog-crabs stood by to gaze, And the star-fish spread all her fingers abroad, And sighed for her grandmothers’ days. i

And the curlew screamed, “ Fie! fie!” And the great gull groaned at the sight, And the albatross rose and fled with a shriek To her nest on the perilous height. . 7 - Good gracious! the place where I sat With sea-water was rapidly filling, And a hoarse voice cried, “Sir, you ’re caught by the tide ! And I'll carry ye off for a shilling |”

AN UNRECOGNISED EmpLor£.—Cobbler to the QuzEN.

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INCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1884. J PRACTICAL HOUSEHOLD IINTS. | How to make Fowls Pay.—Take a house next door to a poultry-yard, where there are at least half-a-dozen cocks shrill and long in the crow, and warranted fine early risers. Now, ask a lot of invalid rela- tives, all light sleepers, on a visit, and give them back-rooms. Ina few days they will be in a state of such dangerous nervous exhaustion that you will be compelled to have recourse to medical aid, call in a local solicitor, employ a night attendant, demand compensation, take out a summons at the local police-court, and appear yourself in the witness-box in hysterics. Take care to compliment the Magistrate on his personal appearance, and he will suggest a compromise, awarding you substantial damages. By a judicious change of your neighbour- hood, from time to time, you will in this way be frequently able to make fowls pay. “LtttLe PrrcHers.”—Two street-boys tossing for farthings. MARCH. . ¥, WIND of March! OQ, biting breeze ! It nips the nose and nips the trees ; It whirls with fury down the street, It makes us flee in quick 0 | retreat, | And gives us cold and | makes us sneeze ! | It makes us cough and choke and wheeze, With painful back and | aching knees ; | With dire discomfort ’tis replete, | O, Wind of March! It flusters folk of all de- grees ; E’en pretty girls and C.B.’s their feet. It blows Policemen off their beat, And brings the Doctor lots of fees— O, Wind of March ! | . Are not allowed to keep | CHRISTMAS CHIMES. — Simpkins (with a soul fer | harmony). What can be | more pleasing than a merry | peal of bells? Stubbs (who considers all music a noise). I prefer aknell. Jinimum | of nuisance. SEASONABLE BENEVOL- | ENCE —Jaded Fpicure ezx- ZA A ANTIQUITIES. yo : APRIL. fs AN April Day, so fresh and mule f, })) bright— | Qe C Twill rain, I’m sure, before the night !) We’ve done with Winter blasts unkind— (Don't leave your mackin- tosh behind, "Twould be a fatal over- sight /) go bedight— (’ Tis sure to rain, just out of spite! And most perplexing you will find, An April Day !) The sky is blue, the clouds are light— (I trust your Gamp water-tight !) To sing _, laugh we ' feel inclined— i - a —_ (Here comes a storm of aA, | rain and wind ! jet And hail, that’s enough to blight, An April Day !) is quite ou CONTEMPLATION. — Ob- serve how Zray runs along with his nose to the ground. Happy dog! His path is strewed with roses. CrY OF A CHOPHOUSE WAITER. — “ Stewed Che- shire for One.” What, a County at a meal ! tims: * Roe . =) S mes : Feed the hungry ! . ; 4 PRECURSOR OF HARVEY. : ell, of course. Rather, Sottenery ghawing | ¢ Treasures) “Cott’s REVOLVER, YOUND ON THE FreLp o' WatTeRLoo!” —Whoever it was that dis- eed those that have lost rie “En! Bur I suoutp navi i I’D NO IDEA THEY——”" ’ > Ci i | their appetite |” nas ey “No—I pare say!” (i ition.) “OH, THEY'RE Doocep Rare, I cay covered the Circulation of | | . FOr = the Bottle. In Spring-like garb we ‘ll | 0

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December 4, 1883.} 7, 4 a \ FP St (fi 4 | a _PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR. 1884. (Lines for a Lady’s Album. GUSH NO MORE! Don’t gush, Ma’am, don’t gush ; though perhaps you ’re sincere, You give cynical wretches occasion to sneer, For they cannot suppose you to mean what you say, And they don’t understand that ‘tis only your way. To a hasty conclusion although they may rush, They count gushing all humbug. Don’t gush, Ma’am, don’t gush. Don’t gush, Ma’am. Did hearers express half they think, They ’d say “ Gammon,” and “ Walker,” make faces, grin, wink ; By an unfeeling old Gentleman.) Raise their hands to their noses, thumb-tip to nose-end, And four fingers the while in vibration extend. Eh, then what would you do but look foolish and blush ? Pooh ! desist from effusion ! Don’t gush, Ma’am, don't gush. Gush not, Lady, oh, gush not! Do gushing give o’er. Oh, pray gush no longer ! Gush never, no more, Cease to talk in so tender and touchin And, oh, from too flowery language a strain, refrain ! Repress mimic raptures, and, e’en though you crush Unaffected emotions, don’t gush, Ma'am, don't gush ! MAY. A Private View? ‘Tis plain to you ‘Tis neither “ private” nor a “view”! And yet for tickets people rush, To mingle in the well- d c ’ And come and wonder who is who. | The beauties, poets, actors, } too, With patrons, painters—not a few, Are elements that help to flush A Private View. | The pictures you can’t hope | | to do; | You’re angered by the “ precious ” crew, Ani pallid maids who | ip and gush. | While carping critics who cry “Tush!” An1 wildly wrangle, make you rue A Private View. j _ _ | PUNISHMENT FOR FRAU- DULENT BROKERS. — Put em in the stocks. Bonds and good securities to follow. INADEQUATE OFFER. — Edwin. A penny for your thoughts, Emma. Not enough by ever so much, Thinking of a new dress. | —™ re ij ri NU Ss TN (es ( | (| | ili | ! \) ithe HN I) ' | | “ilk at) : a Paul Hil = in afl \ ! yal -¥ IMPROVEMENTS IN SCIENCE. “THE TELESMELLEMICROPHONOSCOPE.” (Maonirres Nice Smetis axnp Mi wimises Nasty Ones.) JUNE. In Rotten Row, ‘tis nice, you know, To watch the tide of Fashion flow ! Though hopeless cynics carp and croon— I do not care one maca- roon-— But love to watch the passing show ! You ‘ll find it anything but slow To laugh and chaff with those you know ; And pleasant then to sit at noon, In Rotten Row ! When Summer breezes whis- per low, And countless riders come and go; Beneath the trees in leafy June, I love to sit and muse and moon— While beauties canter to and fro— In Rotten Row ! CAUTION TO THE CARE- Less.— Never tread upon a worm unless you are quite sure that it can’t turn on you to your grief. RoyaAL ACADEMY OF Music.—Afternoon attend- ance for lecture—“two-four time.” Dinner in Hall— Common time. Rule for refreshment—Never more than two in a bar allowed.

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-PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1884. [December i, 1#83. A _ THE Horrid Roy (to newly appointed Volunteer Major, wh 7 — |’ ENEMY. very awkwa 4 4, 4% { LPAI, "LL MAKE Is "EaD acne!” i). ‘ Sit rurTwer pack, Generar! Yor Practical Hovusenoup Hints.—How to render an ill-drained House thoroughly habitable.—Having satisfied yourself by th: deaths of the three previous tenints, the caretiker, both house-igents, your | own Solicitor and the Sanitary Inspector you have called in, that you | have some grounds for suspecting the condition of the drainage of | your house, —take off the roof, an1l supply its place with a level lead | flat, surrounded by a neat balustrade. On this erect a large crick »t- tent, the approach to which will be by a seventy-foot bricklayer's ladder, fastened below securely to the area railings. Now mount with your whole family, asking, as a mere precaution, your Melical Adviser, on a six weeks’ visit, just to start you. There will, of course, be some slight inconveniences at first, but you will soon get accustomed to them, especially when reflecting that you have taken the only steps open to you, as the law now stands, of rendering your ill-drained house thoroughly habitable. PRACTICAL HovusEHOLD Hints.—How to ensure yours lf a reliable | town supply of pure Milk. an extempore manger. Now buy a cow,—a short-sighted one is best for your purpose —at the Islington Cattle Market, and instal it in the quarters you have prepared for it. Begin to feed it at first on such shrubs and evergreens as may be growing in your own and the adjacent front gardens, and when these are finished, take it out after dusk to graz¢ quietly in Hyde Park between 7 and 11 P.M. When detected in this, and warned home by the keepers, you will be able to keep the creature in fair condition for some-time on tinned asparagus. By a little attention and tact, you will thus find that until your cow dies suddenly in a fit, or is removed by a peremptory order of the local Inspector of Nuisances, you will have ensured yourself a reliable, if | moderate, supply of pure milk. LAWN-TENNIS LOBS. —— (Ses bus: Serving Caught. Screw and ‘Twister. (Served by Dumb-Crambo Junior.) The ** Wrencher (Kenshaw) Smash.”’ Suuart Keturns. Fit up your back yard, scullery, or, if the | accommodation on your premises is limited, even your back study, as |

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es PUNCH’S ALMAMAC TULL ww 4 “A ——— ~ — 4 = ee | ‘ A= ; \ BALL OOM of - ” “7 , a - - _ COALS CUT TLE+F/SP MR. PUNCH’S ODD-FISHERIES —— — a —

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MiBACK FOR 1884. : 7/7 I [December 4, 1883, YU . if . y yy Pr \ KX mS yA t SRIES EXHIBITION FOR 1884. | - _— — eS

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| December 4, 1-83.)

K FOR 1884.

*UNTIN’ PUNCH’S ALMANAC M hij i] SEASON. Dealer. “ Wuat! THAT LITTLE 'Oss Not Jump! Why, I put mim my a empry Seven-STALL STABLE THIS MORNIN’, AND WHEN I WENT TO FETCH 'IM OUT, TX, ERE | E WAS A 'OPPIN’ UP AND DOWN OVER THE VERTITIONS JUST TO AMUSE HISSELF LIKE.

| THE TINKLING TRAM. | (By @ Victim.) TINKLE, tinkle, Tramway | Car ! | Well I’m conscious where | you are. Down below my study high, | Like a demon ever nigh. When the morning opens wet, When in fog the sun hath | get, | Then you sound to left. to right, Tinkle, tinkle, day and night! When to sleep my eyes in- cline, Then your bell kicks up its shine ; Up the street and down the street, "Mid the horse-hoofs’ mad- dening beat. No—detested demon car, I don’t “wonder what you are”’; | But éoo well aware am I, Tinkling horror, ever nigh ! A Mere Mockery.— Talk of — with Oysters at half-a-crown a dozen ! A “Mos Cap.” — The | Cap of Liberty. | A Wire's Vocation.

Husbandry.

— oF “ ———<v- KA CV =- nan

4 " DIAGNOSIS. “Is THe Recror Berrer TO-pay, Jarvis?”—* No, Sin; Nor ANY BETTER, SiR!” Same orp Pau iw tHe Back |” “Has we oor a Locum TgNgENs!"—* No, Sir.

“TAKE YOUR HOOK!” (The Straight Tip to Lovers | of Peace.) WHILST the Parties rage, Whilst the papers wrangle, Cut the House, don’t cut the page ; “Take your hook "—and angle ! Whilst the Critics drub, Whilst the Artists wrangle, Shun the Studio, cut the Club ; “Take your hook "—and angle ! Shun the Sportsman's greed, Shun the Histrion’s spangle ; With your bird's-eye, or a weed, “Take your hook "—and | angle ! Trust me, would you shun | Worry’s teasing tangle, There is one escape — but | one : “Take your hook ”—and angle ! | HAPPY HIBERNATION. Do I wish to be abird? | No; I am not so absurd. Had, when frosts of winter come, Rather be a tortoise, | numb. “SUITED TO A Hane.” | —A Currant - Jelly - Fish. Hope to see one in next F isheries’ Show. ——————

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| Hounds ? ” PUNCI = eA Oe Sa O'T> oom & My I \OYNAMITE - — Wieece VS ALMANACK ‘ SEC ¢tevers PRACTICAL HovsEHOLD Hints.—How to give, at a small cost, an 7 , purchased a damagec ive and —neae: Farewell Oyster Supper—Having previously | gues lot of tinned oysters of an inferior quality, at 1 extremely low figure, in the City,—name your day, and ask all | nev your friends and acquaintances, to whom you are secretly conscious of desire to say farewell, to join you at supper. Now produce your \¢ Jyster Supper. ts “not to stint themselves.” tinned oysters—ani nothing else; at the same time bidding your Should they take or reject your | advice, the result will be the same, as in either event you may rely on er seeing any one of them again. You will thus, at a small cost, have given a really most effective and thoroughly impromptu Farewell JULY. Henley Bridge, in sweet July, A gentle breeze, a cloudless sky! Indeed it is a pleasant place, To watch the’oarsmen go the pace, gasping crowds go roar- ing by. nd, O, what dainty maids you spy, descry, W hat symphonies in frills and lace, On Henley Bridge ! if you find a luncheon nigh LU ORRAIBC, pie lhe chance you ‘ll hasten to embrace ! ull soon forget about the Race, take your Heidsieck cool and dry On Henley Bridge ! LE SPORT ANGLAIS. FRENCH readers of Eng- sporting news will aps derive a bright idea a recent notice of the t meeting this season of he “ Southdown Hounds.” What are “ Southdown Mossoo will nk. “Southdown is not fox ; Southdown is moutons. Southdown hounds, then, | are ufon hounds. In Sussex they hunt sheep. | Without doubt it is fine | sport. Let us go do like- wise ! tasteful toilets you | a toothsome | I Dow’r WONDER AT IT. VESTRIED INTERESTS. The Vicar (to obese and panting Vestryman). ‘‘Tue oTHER GENTLEMEN ARE A LITTLE LATE, Mr. Macormorayt ?” Mr. Macormorant (who has made a hasty meal and hurried off 30 as to be in time). Yes, SiR; AND | SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF THEY DONT COME AT ALL. TAKIN’ AWay oUR LUNCHES, ABOLISHIN’ OUR DINVERS, AND CUTTIN’ DowN OUR LicuT RerresH- ; f - : a I] i iy \ U tH Buby ia AUGUST. mane, Oe Sea, upon the stran The sun is hot, the day is grand: I think you will agree with me, Upon the shore ’tis nice be to be, Amid the shingle and the sand, Your hands get brown, your face is tanned, You bathe or noddle to the band ; Or slowly ride a solemn “ gee ” Beside the Sea. | You pace the pier, you idle and | The offing never leave un- WHAT WITH | MENTS, THE PERFESSION OF WESTRYMAN AIN'T WUTH THE NOTICE OF A MAN OF RESPECTABILITY AND STANDIN’, Ir’s A ’ARD THING, AND WERRY 'ARD THING, I SES, THAT AFTER ALL WE DO FOR THE GOOD OF OUR FELLER-CREETURS, WE CAN'T GET SER MUCH AS A MILD CiGAR AND A GLASS Oo BRANNYANWATER AT THE EXPENSE O' THE PaRisH !"” | | scanned : And study, ’neath some grateful lee, The “‘ blue, the fresh, the ever free”! The air is pure, your lungs expand, Beside the Sea ! A LITTLE MORE THAN KIN. THOUGH born far asunder, who says they are not kin, Bumptious Lessers and bellicose WATKIN? Each his pet hobby is hot to drive faster. “The Great Engi- neer” all the world must admire, But is much of opinion that he is—like Fire—A capital servant, but dangerous master. A Post oF DANGER.— That of crossing-sweeping on a level crossing.

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atti tin PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1884. is | ORDERS FOR TRADESMEN. “Doctor” of Medicine. For ayy Tradesman who has turned Vestry- As the Aristocracy is now “ going into Trade,” it may become con- Knight of the Thistle. man, and developed the typical “ Porochial” Characteristics, —K.T. venient to fit Titles to our various Commercial Callings and Crafts. Here are a few suggestions :— For a Hoxier.—K.G. Knight of the Garter. For a Soap-Boiler.—O.B. OH! Companion of the Bath. For an Armourer.—K.S. Knight of the “In Native Worth,” she sang, and her sweet eye, Sword. For a Brewer.—K.M. Knight of Malt-a. Vor a Playwright.— Turned for approval on her listening cousin. J.P. Justice of the “ Piece.” For a Money-Lender.—K.G.¥. Knight “Ah! native worth,” said he, with a long sigh, of the Golden “ Fleece.” For an Adulterating Druggist. — M.D. “Is—three-and-six a dozen.” SEPTEMBER. A ForeIGn Tour ? I appre- hend A hand-bag I should recom- mend ; A roll of useful notes from CouTTs, A pocketful of good che- roots, And Murray for your faith- ful friend. Some French, on which you can depend, A chosen chum, you can’t offend ; Are things tomake—with tourist-suits— A Foreign Tour. You 171 visit ‘‘ lions ” with- out end ; And all the snowy peaks ascend ; With alpenstochs and hob- nailed boots : Or ride on mules—the sullen brutes— There ’s lots of sport, if you intend A Foreign Tour ! TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN. INTERROGATION is the thief of time! True, tart Thersites, an ingenious plan, Sir. Time's whirligig may show, malignant mime, Rss A policy of questions does “2 not answer; And that, as | FROM DEE-SIDE. aggravation of our Babel, T Piscator. ‘Yes, my Boy, ats’t ne a Beavry? Forty Pourps—Tarer Foor Eicut rrom E’en able question may be AIL TO SNour—rresn reN! I'M Gorse TO HAVE HIM PHoTooRAPHED, WITH A FULL-GROWwN | ; ‘ — MAN STANDING BY, TO SHOW ‘© Proroxrions,. By Tug wax "—(faintly)—‘‘ WOULD—ER— | questionable. | WOULD FOU MIND BEI rHEe Ala : . (fi y) OCTOBER, Once more at Home! We’ve ploughed the main, We ‘ve growled in diligence and train ; Endured the cold official snub, And insolence of foreign cub— In Switzerland, in France, and Spain, For weeks we 've struggled, all in vain, Some toilet comforts to obtain ; But now we hail our roomy “ tub” Once more at Home. Though back we come to fog and rain, And chills and bills, we don't complain ! We've heaps of friends, a quiet “ rub” A pleasant dinner at the Club— True happiness we now regain, Once more at Home! RECIPROCITY. Eu ? State support to Doctors? That seems fair enough ; Mee quid pro quo, if reason rules the rate. One turn deserves another, and ’tis clear enough That Doctors are great pillers of the State ! Tue SiGn “ Pisces.”"—A “ Mackerel Sky.” ——— ———

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PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1884. NIL DESPERANDUM. “Do you THIxk I SHALL EVFR Grow as TALL as you, Mason Lonciey?” ’ I nope Nor, ToMMY, FOR your SAKke. INDEED 7 Jomm? i / Ml Es * On , CONSIDERING ALL THINOS, I THINK IT VERY UNLIKELY!” AS TO THAT, WE "VE NOT YET QUITK GIVEN UP ALL HOPE OF Papa AND MAMMA STILL GROWING A LITTLE more !” And the polar bears they seemed to say, “ We ain t in a bloomin’ hurry ; A salmi of sailors will come one day, And likewise a bo’sun curry.” THE LAY FOR BAFFLED ICEBERG. THE HORSE-MARINES. Iv was the good ship, Heart’s Content, That sailed the stormy sea ; r Skipper had taken no instrument lo bear him companée. For I,” he said, ‘am a sailor born, And tricks of the sea I know ; ur lubberly sextants I view with scorn, Though the howling winds do blow.” So we went to the Captain then, and said, **On you we place reliance ; You ain't got much of a figure-head, And you don’t go in for science: “ But get us out of this awful mess, Or we shall have to kill And eat up your noble self.” My boys,” he said, “ I will.” So he took the ship by the bow and stern— For his strength was our Captain's pride— And he hoisted her over the whole concern, Right clean to the other side / y “T guess, we sailed away to the Northern Sea, My dear eyes! that ship did sail ; went round and round, as it seemed to me, a dolphin chasing his tail. And at last we came where the icebergs frown'd, i should have turned us back, But the Captain swore that he knew the ground, And steered right into the pack. Thus the ship was saved, and I oft repeat That I ‘ll take my affidavy, There ‘s never a man who could do that feat, In the whole of the British Navy. And this is the tale I always tell, Whenever my mess mates bid, For it makes a stranger cry out, “ Well, I'm jiggered ! "—and shift his quid, We stuck there till we were short of prog, 1 it came to shoes and boots ; With sticks of ram--that was frozen grog— nd we ate up our Sunday suits. VEXED QUEsTIONS.—Why ill that boy not bring my shaving-water ?—Why vvon’t the Guv’nor raise my “screw”’ this quarter? Why is that door continually shaken so ?— What do you mean by frizzling up my bacon so? What is the use of trying to please Missis ?—Why did he go without the usual kisses? Why mwst it rain on this day of all others ?—How can girls live in quiet with such brothers ? I may have been pampered when a boy, But I don’t consider a button, With two square inches of corduroy, A substitute for mutton. Then we'd no handkerchiefs, which warn't nice, And you may well suppose That even a slab of the purest ice Is cold for a sailor's nose. BON-VIVANT BALLADS.—No. I. I CARE not whether you ’re the fry Of herring, or a true fish, Or if in thee experts descry An ancient or a new fish. I only swear a man could wish No finer thing for sketching, And you should figure, fairest fish, In EVERSHED’s Thames etching. On many an evening we know well You crown the pleasant revel ; You ‘re charming cooked au naturel Delightful as a “ devil.” You come in crowds upon the plate, In glad conglomeration, And aid sometimes the high debate Of men who rule the nation, You ask but little here below, But plain brown bread in slices— Well butter’d, lemon too we know, And cayenne pepper, nice is. Oh, winsome White Bait, dear thou art | When on the platter lying : This tribute of a grateful heart May recompense for frying ! VEXED QUESTIONS.—Why didn’t I put it on Lope Joan a bit ?—Why can’t he let that | bloomin’ bell alone a bit? What does she | mean by being so dashed flirty ?—Why mill Mamma not let me dance with BERTIE? How can the Public like his jokes Joe | Millery?—Why did I drink that last half | pint of Sillery? How could I trust in that | Jew money-lender ?—Why did I talk to her | in tones so tender ? ————* ,

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D_cember 4, 1°83.) PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1884, ——— Ww we | “S (AT re: AN iw FAL, {/ Mull Ng wee 4 ita , it tA Ahr PRG EDUCATION’S FRANKENSTEIN—A DREAM OF THE FUTURE. (Dedicat: d to the School-Board.)

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PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1884.

; WAG 4 ( a ue A | , aero = rs a MUSIC AT HOME. I. Fad ve a f Z ae 6 xies\ if [December 4, 1883.

———— ees TR Mn. 0 Nhe | IN ; WAAL <p | kel Yn zy ° 2 oaal LAMENTARLE RESULT OF INsIBTING ON Strict SILENCE 1x THE Music-RooM DURING THE PERFORMANCE OF Goop Mosic.

NOVEMBER. A Lonpon Fog, ’tis always here At this inclement time of year ! When people hang them- selves or drown, And Natare wears her blackest frown, While all the world is dull and drear. All form and colour disap- pear Within this filthy atmos- phere : ‘Tis sometimes yellow, sometimes brown, A London Fog ! | It chokes our lungs, our heads feel queer, We cannot see, can scarcely hear So when this murky pall drops down— Though dearly loving London town — feel we cannot quite revere A London Fog! We VEXED QuEstTIoNs.—Why nust the ice break up just at the holidays ? — Why | should there come an ending to such jolly days? Why did that Editor reject my ballad ?—How could I ven- ture on that lobster- salad ?

thin Ni (rm! i meet or, } i} | eek Ml t ! UB i

ACCOMMODATING. Old Crossing-Sweeper. “‘ Curistuas Box, your 'Onour! I’m Bive wip tne CouLp. Benevolent but Hermetically Buttoned-up Old Gent, “ Bu’, My Goo’ CREASH’RE, HOW THE DOOCE D'you s'posx I 'm——” P oy” Old C.-S. ** Au, po, Sin, AND ILL SING YF A LITTLE SONG WHILE YOUR 'ONOUR ‘8 UNDRESSIN' |

DECEMBER. ’NEATH Mistletoe, should chance arise, You may be happy if you ’re wise ! Though bored you be with Pantomime And Christmas fare and Christmas rhyme— One fine old custom don’t despise. If you're a man of enter- prise You ’il om I venture to surmise, "Tis pleasant then at Christmas-time "Neath Mistletoe ! You see they scarcely can The sparkle of their pretty eyes: And no one thinks it is a cise "Neath Mistletoe !

VEXED QUESTIONS. — When will the stupid fellow pop the question ?—Why did I listen a tout oS suggestion ? ow cou they go and “sky” my “ Dutch Girl Skating” !— Why did they give my novel such a “ slating ” ?

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eee siheninns PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1884. on Lf tas " \ hag os Wy Ze SZ : [ Wes Vek es o y } ee L aT TL en He CEN MART AATTALIAETTE 16 \ NTS TIN A j 7 7 i} \ . F Y Z i billy MY aaa WwW UMM: Waibase >: se MUSIC AT HOME. II, Aspect or THE Music-Room arrer THE Goop Music 1s OVER, AND SOMEBODY HAS INTIMATED THAT SOMEONE OR OTHER 18 GOING TO SINO A Comic Bono. Brake up the Ice-bound stream— | Smote with a mighty stroke, THE SAGA OF THE SKATERMAN, Twelve-and-six thrown away, Smote it and broke it up ‘Tell him what's up with thee; | That’s what’s the matter, Sir— | Into small flinderkins, Thor of the Hammer will Thaw, he be blowed !” Banged it and smashed it up Come to thine aid! ” Then, with a wild shriek, he Into smi ns. Then spake the Skaterman, Upped with his knobby stick, Shocked, then I left him there, | Rumbling with muttered oaths Smote on the Acme stee!, Grumbling at Thor! | Deep in his diaphragm, pay ee. | “ROBERT” AT 'AMPTON COURT. | _ cried ; HAVING a little time to spare the other day, at Ampton, I looked |“ Blow heverythink !” he cried, | in at the Pallace, and inquired of a werry hartistic loking Pleace- Salt tears a-rolling down | man how long it wood take me to ave a look at the Picturs, and he | Alongside his nose, | said he thort as how they might be done in about 10 minutes. So “ See these here ‘ Hacmes,’ Sir, |I did ‘em. And the result as I cums to is, as Pictur Galleries is New from the Store they are, reg’lar staggerers! I hears sum people, as don’t know no better, Never been used afore, tork about the wickedness of London. Well I wunders what they 'd Twelve-and-six thrown away ! say if some of the most howdacious of these picturs was put in a shop Friga the Frigid came, winder in Cheapside! Take Madame Wenus for instance, how she Friga, great Odin's wife, could ever have gone about without catching friteful bad colds and Bound up the river-gods, atracting the eyes of the Perlice, I can't understand. There suttenly Down by the Serpentine, Laid out an icy floor is one thing as [ admires in these imperent old Painters, they was Found I the Skaterman— Mete for the Skaterman. wunderful truthful, If a poor Wenetian Gentleman, who had ewi- Found him a- wiping his Then I began to hoard. dently not been waxinated, wanted his pictur painted, they painted Eyes with his ulster-sleeve, Weekly and weekly hoard, him accordin, and if one on ’em, like BAssANDCO, painted hisself, he Eyes full of scalding tears, All of my savings to suttenly didn't flatter hisself, for it's one of the werry huggliest faces Red with much blubbering. | Buy these here things— as I ever seed, CHARLES THE 2ND must have married into a remark- Red was his nose likewise— | Came Thaw, the thunder-god, able fine family, as I s’ as all his Beauties was his Sister-in-Laws. Deeply I pitied him. | ; I never heard of St. William before, but there he is a taking off his armer, and jolly glad he seems to git out of it. Whether Queen | ELIZBETH was a beauty without paint we none of us nose, but she suttenly wasn’t a beauty with it, not even in her fansy dress and a wey | fansy night-cap to match. y I didn't think nothink of the tapistrys, as they’ve ewidently bin — | sent to the wash and all the brite cullers washed out, but the Bed- » > | steds was sumthink subblime. I don't suppose as nobody under a “Cheer up, O Skaterman ! Never say die!” says I. “Cheer up, my hearty!” —so Tried I to comfort him, Slapping his back, whereby se he like anything. went my heart to him | pri uld ever git a wink of sleep in ’em. Lent —_ my wipe, I did, ; —— ——rn P ROBERT. Dried his poor nose and eyes, Sitting aside of him tn “Two NEGATIVES MAKE AN AFFIRMATIVE,.”—How so when an Agnostic makes an affirmation ? Holding his hand. _[says, A “Deap-Set.”—Artificial Teeth, y8 “Hark to the Skald!” I

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[TREE Series The ripe Strawberry that crushes like a maiden’s rosy blushes, That crowns the richest banquet with a luxury supreme ; The fair Strawberry that lingers as if loath to leave your fingers, BON-VIVANT BALLADS.—No. II. may class thee as they will among the genus Potentilla ns sa ee My Strawberry! Fragaria more properly they "A say ; ° Till buried in the bosom of the soft seductive Cream. y may talk of evolution and your proper distribution, There ’s a moral, maidens merry, in this fascinating berry, _ Contrasting all your ancestors with what you are to-day. And in cream that circles round it, as you know to your delight, o me it doesn’t matter, all their wild botanic chatter, For the Strawberry’s completeness comes from piquancy and sweetness, { care not what you were, so long as you are what you seem, And Cream supplies the medium in which they both unite. | I know the height of Summer brings you here, its chiefest comer, | So do you be sweet and piquante, and you soon will know that we can’t el in abundance of fresh Strawberries-and-Cream. | Resist the combination, and, while wedding favours gleam, Let the bridegroom then endeavour to be smooth as Cream for ever— a your praises thus I sang, “ Go sesk the more enticing Mango, | Thus marriage should resemble pleasant Strawberries-and-Cream. The Bombay Nabob murmur’d, but I wink’d my dexter eye : Yes, at Bombay I would eat it, for I know ’tis very sweet ; it ” Is absent, though, and happily the Strawberry is nigh.” Apvice To A So.icrror.—Carrying Coals to Newcastle. WHIST. (Cut In by Dumb-Crambo Junior. Discarding a Week's Soot. A Missed Eel. > Commanding Cards. Game in Hand.

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ore eee Se YP BREAK! BREAK! Break, break, break, O Slavey, my crock-e-ry / And I would that my tongue dared utter The wrath that’s astir in me. O well for the labourer’s wife, Who can wash her own tea-things each day! BREAK! But the breakages here go on, And I have te settle the bill ; And it’s oh! for the shards of my vanished cups, And my saucers dwindling still ! Break ! break ! break ! A week from this you shall flee. But the dishes and plates you have smashed VEXED QvEsTIONs.—Why must I go and slog at that swift “ shooter " ?—When shall I get an eligible suitor ? Why sron’t he make it Scarborough this season ?—Why can't the woman lend an ear to reason? How could he fancy I was really serious ?—Why must all jolly grub be “deleterious”? Wh won't you come home early, as I wis And well for the labourer’s self, Who has no servant's wages to pay ! since you came, Will never come back to me! you ?—How did I catch thith beathly cold— ahtisshoo ? Noah tee ry wit, i s Gee 4h, | A + , . Ay ': ~ ¥ ‘ay ~e "s So ent PS ket ce . UY hey get ys \4 a el be Cs ‘ Ae \ .* WAST, Zan YTV vas | > ia lta ww man YUVA ae ae VMA*® .rriit wan Wisin worm Pot * “ih, DEVELOPMENT OF MESMERIC Tue FATAL Mesweric Dcet mm THE Bom pe BovuLoons, setTween THe Cuevatien Lewom, or Panis, axy Paoresson Scuwartz, or Beau. (Vide Annals of Psychical Society for 1884.) ~ e \-+h4 ao - . Mey sy

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| Can perdooce a fashernable set us The place were slightly waprous, | And 1 found my solid twelve stun And—l'll not remunerate them, | “By Jove!” | So I lifts my ‘ed up ’orty, for I | And there 's nothink so upsets me PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1884. [December 4, 1893. JEAMES IN OLYMPUS. | No, Ma ry, ‘tisn't falseness, nor it ain't despair nor drink Wich makes me shun your presinks, and prefer to sit and think. You ’re a werry good sort, Mary, and I never knowed you fail. Take a seat upon the coal-»ox, and I'll tell you a rum tale. Them muffinks did lay evvy, and that clarsickle burlesk — At the “ Grig” was most golumpshus, so serblime and picteresk, hat, upon my solemn davy, I'd a feelink strong and odd, If I weren't a Henglish footman, I would be a Greshun God. | am not a classick scholard, as to you may be beknown, Thongh I’ve read a bit of Hovid,—in translashun I must own. Which he ain't pertikler proper, but that seems to be a tray \s perwades the Hupper Suckles in a general sort o’ way. | Sticks hi: olts up in a corner, like some bulging old umbreller, | And sez he, “ Are you a wotary of Turpschicory, old feller? |“ A dance, a dance, Immortals!” And, O Mary, in a twink, | (No, I’m not romancing, Mary, nor I’m not the wus for drink) I was doing the fantastick in the puffeck form, as you know, With Wenus for my partner, which my wiz-a-wiz was Jewno. Ah ! them Goddesses can foot it ; but I think Jzames ’eld his own, Wich with Wenus’s back ’air about a feller's collar blown, And Apoller’s what’s-it tootling fetching strains to guide the rush, | A chap as wasn't in it were unworthy of the plush. “You have ‘ go,’” sez Afferadity,—that ‘s ’er halias,—“ Well,” sez I, “ You are pleased to be perlite, Mum. As for you, you reglar fly. Birds of a feather, ain’t we?” “ Right you are,” sez she, “ by Jingo, Tho’ they do link doves with Wenus, while you ‘re more like a flamingo.” Hupper Suckles? Oh, my Mary, not the nobbiest of the Squares anyways compares With the little lot I dropt on in Holympus! ’Ow the dooce I got there I carnt remember, so it ain't a mite o’ use, muoh like washing-day down here, in this misty kind o’ speer, A-standing on a cloud-bank, with these same substanshial feet, A-bowing werry low to the Holym- pian helect. There was Joopeter—their Boss, dear—looking wastly high and I With a ‘ed of ‘air as luxurous asa ! / Lord Chancellor's wig ; There was Jewno looking wixenish at Wenus, and Apoller, you ll learn more by what's to | foller. I cries, permiskus, But a party standing there | With a sort o’ wing-tipped trun- cheon, sez, “ Young man, you mustn't swear.” I sez, “ Beg yer parding, Bobby !” Whereupon a general roar Of larfter showed I 'd bin and put my foot in it once more, never could stand charf, as a hindiwidgious larf ; And I sez, perlite, but hairy, and without a mite of hor, ‘Since my presinks seems amusink to your Washups, I'll withdror!” “Ah!” sez Jewno, with a hogle at my plushes sleek and red, “T shall just cashier my peacock, and iake Mister JEAMES in- stead. And they all larfed most rumpa- geous, save a female with a owl, As surveyed the ‘ole purceeding with a solemn sort of scowl. Then more tipple and a waltz, dear, and my partner in the swing Was that sort of ’evenly barmaid, oh ! the chick-est little thing, Which she said her name was E. B., and by times we’d waltzed a minnit, Jewno’s nose was out of joint, and Afferadity wasn’t in it. Here, Mary, I will leave a sort of wacuum, if you please. * * * . . “Better than Wenus? Nonsense!” sez the wicked little tease. Then I flops upon a nubbdly cloud, and sez, “Ho! ‘ear me swear ! Upon my plush, she ’s jest the sort for which I do not care, “She's passay, offle passay, like a duchess as once took A hong for yours truly—which left ’er to the dook. As I'll leave the blooming bilin’ of the Goddesses for you, My E. B., sweet as purl, and fresh as Mounting Dew.” *Ere I riz myself to kiss her, but whilst nearing hof ’er li A sort of misty som: , like a stage-arrangement sli And there was all the Holympian lot, like himages, behind, Busting theirselves with larfter, in the which that EB. B. jined ! O Mary, my emotion,—but no matter, I Tl purceed,— Sech a sweet young thing comes forward,—werry forward, dear, indeed ; Which her westure wasn’t wintry, not by no means, and her look Was that arch-like and inwiting that my shoulder-knots quite shook. \nd sez she, “ A fellow-pheelink makes us kind, and I, like you, Am a sort of hupper servant. ‘Ave a liquor-up ?—Now do/” \nd she takes a rum-shaped goblet, and she puts it to my lips, And her ‘and rests on my buzzum as the tumbler she up-tips. Well, it couldn't be the liquor, for to tell the truth ’twas queer, \ morkish kin1 o’ mixture, much like ram and -beer ; \nd if that’s Holympian Nectar, I can only say ac In any London Pub. may find a prufferable tap. But that ’and upon my weskit, and them eyes! I felt a blush Vas a-flamink in my countingance as crimson as my plush. Now don’t weep into the coal-box, my dear MARY, like that there ; | There 's @ lot more yet to foller, so do pray keep on your ‘air. Jove frora his throne uprises, and he shouts, “ By Sticks, it’s Jzames ! Which to meet him in the flesh has been the fondest of my dreams,” O, I tried to rally, Mary, but it were too sharp a stroke, And so, slipping on a cloud, like, I head forward pitched and—woke, And found myself the wictim of a muffink-murdered sleep, With my ’ed upon the ’arth-rug, and my pillers in a ’eap. And since that momink, Mary, like that chap, ee yer | I ’ave bin a moonstruck party for whom life is woid of fun. Oh, E. B.! you ’re a wision of ‘ot muffinks and cold sleep ! If that coal-box ain’t quite full, dear, I will jine you in a weep. OVERHEARD AT A MEETING OF THE UP-IN-A-BALLOON SOCIETY. ’Arry. Wot's the difference between NELSON and that cove in the chair ? Charlie, Give it up, mate. ‘Arry. Wy, Neison was a nautical ‘ero, and this chap’s a ‘ero nautical, to be sure, BAD WEATHER FoR ButTcHERs. — Frozen meat imported from Australia. Oold and raw, but fresh and seasonable. H § How which the di bilious blood. SALT ing, ¢ bevera SAL" ventiv sick he impure face, menta appeti stoma ing, th the ef and d ] WH For He AC The Pt Headac fruit, as TH otherwi SALT. remove morbid pure an 8 closely sol JO! G0! TH HU} Post NE Ne arr

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December 4, 1833.] PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1884.

FESTIVE SEASON. How enjoy good food, which otherwise disorders the digestive organs, causing bilious headaches and impure blood. Use ENO’S FRUIT SALT. Also as a refresh- ing, cooling, and invigorating beverage, use ENO'S FRUIT SALT. It is the best pre- ventive and cure for biliousness, sick headache, skin eruptions, impure blood, pimples on the

to face, giddiness, feverishness, mental depression, want of appetite, sourness of the

“We Clamb the

stomach, constipation, vomit- ing, thirst, &c., and to remove the effects of errors of eating and drinking.

John Anderson, my Jo, John, We clarrb the hill thegither, icanty day, John, ad wi’ ane anither. And mon We've Hill Thegither.”

Now we o— totter —_ John, But hand in hand we'll go, And we'll sleep thegither at the foot, John Anderson, my Jo.

FESTIVE SEASON. Experience shows that porter, mild ales, port wine, sweet champagne, dark sherries, liqueurs, and brandies, are all very apt to disagree, while light white wines, and gin or whiskey largely diluted with soda-water, will be found the least objectionable. ENO’S FRUIT SALT is particularly adapted for any constitutional weakness of the liver ; it pos- sesses the power of reparation when digestion has been dis- turbed or lost, and places the invalid on the right track to health. <A worid of woe is avoided by those who keep and use ENO’S FRUIT SALT, therefore no family should ever be without it.

MY GOLDEN CHRISTMAS PUDDING WITH TWO FAITHFUL FRIENDS. WHAT MAKES A HAPP For Health use ENO’S FRUIT SALT. ACCIDENTAL INDIGESTION.—Before and after the Christmas Pudding use BNO'S FRUIT SALT. How to enjo Headache, Disordered Stomach, Poisoned Blood, &c., rat fruit, as a Health-giving, Cooling, Sparkling and Invigorating Beverage for any season. POOD.— How to assimilate or enjoy good food gt otherwise cause C onstipation, Bilious Headache, Disordered Stomach, and other disasters The Physical Basis of Life—Good Food. THE PHYSICAL BASIS OF LIFE—GOOD SALT. “ A new invention is 'Y CHRISTMAS !—Health and the things we love, and those who love us, Being a genuine product of nature, it is a true or natural way of preserving or rest wing health, removes effete matter or poison from the blood, thus preventing and throwing off Fevers, Boils, and other morbid conditions of the blood, On that account you cannot overstate its great value pure and free from disease ; without such a simple precaution the jeopardy « ‘ood food, that would otherwise cause Bilious NO’'S FRUIT T, prepared from sound ripe , use ENO’S PRUIT It in keeping the blood of life is immensely increased,

brought before the Public, and commands success. A score of FROM ENGLAND TO THE HOT SPRINGS IN ‘come out here, on business and pleasure several days passage from England, whereby th after being here a few days we set out to visit the Hot sickness, combined with the change of living, began to biliousness, nausea, and a gi with pills, we took several, but without an accidentally to see 2 bottle of ‘ Eno’s Fruit Sal chased it. We can aeeaes ¥ enough to know that we ha had two doses before breakfast yesterday and to-da result. eos ago, and ha’ ie whole of ts weer spy AND PLEASURE— "Moving had a very severe and protracte: strated by — mF: mcd in its most severe form, and and on our return hence the reaction of the sea- tell UPOR us. We were troubled with flatulency, diness which rendered us rather muloerable, and one of our party being provided Strolling through a small town one of us happened * in the window of a store, and we immediately went and pur ‘ou that this seemed an unexpected blessing, for we knew its good qualities well a medicine which at least we could rely upon for setting us up again, and the effect is really wonderful We have All traces of headache, biliousness, &c.. have passed away, and we are in rst-class spirits, and able to appreciate and see with p vlea- sure — wonderful vagaries of nature in this district. all who qualities fully entitle it. —TRUTH tions are im tely introduced We can unhesitatingly recommend your be similarly afflicted, and trust that it may meet with a still wider sale, as its ge Reykjavik, Iceland, Oct. roth, 18%3.—Mr ay: LONDON. reparation to and excellent in copying the original SUCCESS IN LIFE.— abominable imita media the unscrupulous closely enough to deceive the public, and yet not so exactly as to infringe upon legal rights, exercise an ingenuity that, employed in an original channel, could not fail to secure reputation and pro fe ADAMS CAUTION | —Examine each Bottle, and see the Capsule is marked ‘“‘ENO’S FRUIT SOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS. Price 2s. 9d. & 4s. 6d. SALT.” Without it, you have beea imposed on by Worthless Imitations. Directions in Sixteen Languages How to Prevent Disease. Protection in every country. Prepared only at ENO’S FRUIT SALT WORKS, HATCHAM, LONDON, S.E., by J. C. ENO’S PATENT.

JOSEPH GILLOTT’S @ GOLD MEDAL, MENDES).

STEEL PENS. PARIS, 1878. %o Le

PRESENTS ! THORNHILL'S XMAS LIST CONTAINS SOME HUNDREDS OF ILLUSTRATIONS OF NOVELTIES, From 10s. to £100, Post free to any part of the World. THORNHILL’S NEW STRIKE LIGHT. Never fails to do its work properly.

THE REST EVER INVENTED. Price in Nickel Plate, 7s. 6d.; Sterling Silver, Five Guineas. Post free on receipt of remittance to W. THORNHILL @ CO., To H.M. The Queen and Royal Pamily, 144 & ws, NEW BOND STREET, LONDON. Established 17%, TELEPHONE No. 3901. CARPETS. TRELOAR, 68, 69, 70, LUDGATE HILL, E.C. COUCHS, ASTHMA BRONCHITIS. Medical Testimony states that no other Medicine is so effectual in the cure of these dangerous maladies as KEATINC’S

coLT’s DOUBLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER, as supplied to H.M. War Department. COLT’S SINCLE-ACTION ARMY REVOLVER, as adopted by the United States Government COLT’S HOUSE REVOLVER, POCKET REVOLVER, AND DERINCER for the Vest peshet ; best quality only. Colt's Revolvers are used Ss over the world.

Price list COLT'S FIREARMS Co. MM, Pail Mall, London,s.W. is the best toath powder. ~ ead wy bo my ee hee tindnte C UGH ZENCE teeth and keeping them sound and white 2.) nes Bor and nom th ower! sch Which are sold by all Chemists, in Boxes at 1s. Tid. and 2s. 94. N.B.—They contain no ofium or pre- ROWLANDS’ KALYDOR paration theredf. a Fye- pag and refreshing wash for the face, hands, and dieperces Tan, Freckles, a a Rete &c. tc Ask Chemist or Hair- W. SPARKES HALL & CO,,

ROWLANDS' 'MACASSAR — IE a can SS ae a oy = colour A or fair-haired children and persons,

ROWLANDS’ ODONTO

HUNTING SEASON. LOR BGOTS.

308 & 310, REGENT STREET, W.

/ RE Elastic without india Rubber and give to every movement of the human Frame. The only Brace with which it is impossible by any strain to pull off a Button. OF EVERY HOSIER AND OUTFITTER THROUGHOUT THE WORLD. Whelesale only, Central Depot, 6&7, Newgate St.,

Page 28

PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1884. _ po ae {December 4, 1885 Gold Medal, Paris, 1878. Medals : Sydney, 1880; Melbourne, 1881; Christchurch, N.Z., 1882. Diploma of Honour, Highest Award, Amsterdam, 1883. Frys Cocoa Extraet

GUARANTEED PURE COCOA ONLY. properly prepared, there is no nicer or more wholesome preparation of Cocoa.” —Food, Water, and Air, Edited by Dr. Hassall, rictly pure, and easily assimilated.”—W. W. Stoddart, F.1.C., F.C 8., City and County Analyst, Bristol. | Pure Cocoa, from which a portion of its oily ingredients has been extracted.’"—Chas. A. Cameron, M.D., F.R.C.8.1., Analyst for Dublin, Pass also FRY’S CARACAS COCOA, prepared from the celebrated Cocoa of Caracas. 7 Prize Medals awarded to J. S. Fry & Sons, Bristol & London. Arewray The only Pure and Palatable Aperient Natural Mineral Water. A POSITIVE CURE for all diseases of the LIVER & KIDNEYS. e Liver, and cures Biliousness, Vertigo, Headache, Loss of Appetite, and / purifies the Kidneys and Blood, and cures Gout, Rheumatism, Pain in the nts Stone and Gravel. It clears the Skin and i improves the Complexion. Sold by Chemists everywhere, 1s. 6d. & 2s. a Bottle. aS ae, Sante et Ee Esculap Bitter Water Co. Limited, 38, Snow Hill, London, and Buda-Pesth. | ENROL MONUMADNMASTERM 8 iiicce Co sys Oxford Street, London? SLER ‘GRYSTAL GLASS & CHINA) For A HUNDRED EXCELLENT AND PALATABLE J an, bse Ta tons ris OU SEHOLD RECIPES 100, Oxford St Wall Lights and am a Candles, Gas, Write | to Messrs. GOODALL, SADKROUGE, & CO. LEEDS, ae enclos a pe stam or postage, When you wi e Pee tee CHRISTMAS AND NEW | with s scicable bock of 104 pages bound in’ cloth and fully illus- LONDON, W. SM PRESENTS. trated, called oansMeg, | OOD THINGS, @ so STEN ENTE Made, Said, & Done, for Every Home & Household. GOLD 3 a 0 S o WIGMORE ST., ‘The book embraces a wide field of usefulness.” —British Workwomanr. ae ** Can scarcely fail to prove of service.” — 7he Rock. MEDALS. LONDON, W. PLEASE MENTION THIS PAPER. For The Family Table, rown & Polson’s Corn FLOUP nts a NOTE.—Unlike many other Corn Flours, BROWN & POLSON’S bears the name of its Manufacturers, who offer the guarantee of their long-established reputation for its uniformly superior =S qa bury’ Ss ¥ Big MAKERS TO pbsclutly Cocoa Fie <

One of nas Cigarettes gives —-. rehef in the worst attack of Asthma, Hay Fever, Cough, Bronchitis, and Shortness of Breath. Persons who ssffer at ni with coughing, phlegm, and short breath, them invaluable, as they instantly check the spasm, promote sleep, oan low the = pass a good t. Are perfectly harm yw heed be smoked by —_ may ay! me Ci =v free, fi Wi yn x pan Cigarettes, ‘ost rom toes & Co all Chemists. CAUTION-~ To guard against fraudulent

patter

THE QUEEN. pure Printed by Joseph Suiith, of No. 30 Loraine Road, Holl , in the Parish of St. Mary, Islington, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offers of Messrs. rad

PRICE THREE PENCE.