Punch 1862-10-11: Vol 43 Iss 1109

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Se Me le a Ocrossr 11, 1862.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [: GASH nd] mee ty, YM, an / THE FROG IN THE BLOCK OF COAL. Ir is not lly known that the frog, whose untimely decease the Commis- sioners of the International Exhibition are now mourning, continued up to the day of its death to express itself in the Welsh torn, with a degree of fluency the more extraordinary when we consider the very lengthened period of its incarceration. The public is aware that on its first liberation from the block of coal, it made a communication in Welsh, supposed to relate to the cause of its being so immured, but in consequence of no person present understanding that language, this interest- ing piece of antediluvian history was lost, for since then the Frog exhibited an evident repugnance to touch upon the topic, which may we therefore suppose have been a tender one. As soon as it became known that the language it spoke was Welsh, an interpreter, one Davin ap Moncan ap Ress, gratuitously offered his services, and it is from him that we have learnt the following interesting particulars. Davin aP Rezxs informs us that the Frog from the first, displayed a great desire to ascertain the public opinion concerning itself, and on hearing that some sceptics deemed it an imposture, it swelled visibly, foamed at the mouth, and exclaimed in a most excited state “ cwmddrwellydd llanwrst y wrod which our infor- mant tells us is a malediction of most fearful import. A few days later it introduced the subject again, and on Rers telling. it that public opinion had changed, and now inclined to consider it the identical Frog who was swallowed up by the lily-white duck, it appeared very uneasy, but assuming an air of nonchalance, it said the report was a canard, ReEEs judging from the agitation of the Frog when it heard of its brother’s once end, and the concern and dejection depicted on its countenance, as it was told the nature of his ill-fated journey, says he considers the Frog had been crossed in love, and that that had something to do with the abnormal position in which it was found. This, however, is merely a conjecture. The Frog was visited during its short sojourn in the International Exhibition by several distinguished men of science among others, by Sz RopErick Murcuison, who after a careful inspection of the block of coal, and its late tenant, went away as much a disbeliever as he came, for he was heard to exclaim, with great emphasis, ** Blue lias,” ne we suppose, in a somewhat hasty manner, to the exhibitors of the Frog and Coal. Not so Mr. Max Mutzer, who held a lengthened conver- — agg the Frog, and pronounced it to be of the Aryan family, and a disciple of roaster. _, About a week before its death, Mr. Bucktanp, the naturalist, hearing that it was ailing, sent a messenger to inquire whether, in the event of its decease, it would wish to be stuffed, or preserved in spirits ; offering in either case to perform the operation. The Frog returned no answer ; but became from that period very nervous and hypochondriacal, took to feeling its pulse, changed colour when a Frenchman se and showed every sign of a confirmed croaker; and shortly eter, to hey hg 2 sean of Hzr Masesty’s Commissioners and the public generally, i i / PALACE AND PRISON. Ly the fort of Varignano, On a hard and narrow bed, Brooding thoughts, as a voleano Broodeth lava-floods unshed, Lies a chained and crippled hero, ~ Balked and baffled, not subdued, fortune ’s sunk to zero, lood-heat still stands his mood. In his semaines sea-side palace, Where Biarritz looks o’er sea, With all splendour, for such solace _As from splendour may be, Sits a crowned and phinatae | sovereign, Wrarrdln atltens eet deiver ra in thoug men’s vering, With a marble stone for heart. From her centuries’ sleep arise Clenching half unfettered hands, *Twixt that palace and that prison, Flushed and fierce Italia stands. Brave words she has owed that ruler, Brave words and brave deeds as well, Now she doubts he fain would fool her Of the hopes he helped to swell. So with visage dark and lowering She that palace-threshold spurns, And with tenderness o’er-powering To the fortress-prison turns. Ne’er a doubt of the devotion Of that chained and crippled chief, Clouds her love’s profound emotion, Stays the passion of her grief. What’s an Emperor’s word, whose action To his utterance gives the lie But this chief for love bade faction, Prudence, policy stand by— Blind may-be, but blind for brightness Of the goal to which he strove, All his life is one long witness Life to him is less than love. Then what wonder to the prison From the palace if she turn P *Tis her star that newly risen O’er that fortress-cell doth burn. The true prison is that palace, And that prisoner is true king ! Were his pallet-bed a gallows, — There Italia’s heart would cling, Not to yon man dark and callous, Girt by his base courtier-ring. THE PARTY AT THE PAVILION. Lorp RanetacH has been feasted at that exquisite | edifice the Pavilion, at Brighton, by nearly three hundred | Volunteers. They presented Jonzs the Avenger with two swords in testimony of his services to the cause of, Volun- | teering. One weapon was splendid, and for show, the other serviceable, and for use. His — in the course of | his speech in acknowledgment, said tha he expected to find | his picture in Punch, and that he should be represented as a Japanese, wearing the two swords which indicate merit in Japan. Mr. Punch obliges him with literary, vice pictorial | immortality, but in so doing has no idea of ridiculing a noble- | man who in his way, not perhaps always the most bland | (but Riflemen can’t be made with rosewater,) did very much towards promoting the introduction of arms of precision, | before it became fashionable to patronise them, and who is a very energetic and useful officer of Volunteers. There is such a thing as having a little too much self-assertion, | and a little too lively a sense of one’s own merits; but on the other hand it is a very good thing to be in earnest, and | it is doubtless aggravating to be treated to the cold shoulder by Swells who take up one’s own ideas and get /udos' by doing so. Mr. Punch might pick a crow or two with his | —_ ee Se Avge, hoe wer several — 4 = e abstains from any ormtho! cess, except so far | as ver cheerfully to stick this feather fe Leap RANELAGH’Ss schako, VOL, XLIII,

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2 aoe [Ocropm: 11, 1862: ‘ 1 , es Sir, for I’ve heard you’te always seney to an ul protected British female im distress, Well now I feel as though there’d been a me- naggerie broke loose, and all the beastesses was hiding somewheres ready to dewour me. There, I durstn’t go to bed a-nignts for ever such a time, for fear of finding a go- rilla or a rangotang a waiting for me: and when I gets to sleep at last I have the hor riblest of dreams, and start schreeching Murder! till I regular awake myself and everybody else that haps to be in hearingof me. And it’s all along of that there ojus Betsy Baker, who, when she come to take a dish of tea and shrimps with me last evenink, brought a country paper with her, as she said, for my amusement. A nice sort of amusement truly for a poor dear lonely nervous weak and elderly maiden lady to be frightened into fits and high strikes by seeing through her spectacles such a nawful piece of intelligence as this :— “*CouraGrous Conpuct oF an OLp Lapy.—At M., near N., an elderly lady, Miss X., resides in a semi- detached house in —— Street. The only other occupant of the house was a maid-servant. About two o'clock on Wednesday morning week Miss X. was awoke by a man’s arm being thrust under the bed in which she was lying, the intruder on being questioned, saying he was in search of money. The fellow at once made | off, closely pursued by the old lady. On the way out he seized a poker, and (having apparently previously | prepared for his escape) succeeded in loc the street-door from the outside, taking away the key. Muss X. at once — a window and leaped into the street, but was so stunned by the fall, which is several feet, | that she for some time was unable to give chase or alarm. The burglar got clean away, and from the finding of the poker on the Searborough Road it is presumed he has gone thither. The man is sup to have been secreted in the house overnight, as he had made sure of locking the street-door after him. e had lit a candle, which seems to have been burning an hour. He had ransacked all the house, but failed to discover the plate and money ; but has got together and carried off about £50 value of watches, brooches, lockets, chains, rings, | and sundry articles of jewellery. The East Riding constabulary are in hot chase, and are stimulated by a reward which has just been offered for the capture of the burglar.” “ Well, all as I ean say is that I hope as the cornstubbleairy (which I suppose it’s the | perlice is meant by that there word, but lawks! them ts who write the newspapers hat a deal of their fine English is as good as Greek to me), always try to write so grand, t f I say I hope the cumstabrewery was mounted on hosses, which being on duty for a ter their ‘hot chase’ I hope they’ve | | Riding, in course by right they ought to be, and warmed the jacket of the beast they were a-hunting which if I’d my will and pleasure, all | | such brutes should be chained up in a criminal menaggerie, and so ee from a breaking | | into people’s homes and houses, and a robbing poor old ladies of their brooches and bright | pokers, and other articles of jewellery, perhaps even their warming-pan as well as their | | gold wateh. What I say is, it’s a shame that here in this here nineteenth century and | civilised community a poor, weak, unprotected female ean’t sleep quiet in her bed without | the dread of being woke by some riller of a burglar, who’s like to cut her throat or | blow her puor dear brains out, bugglariously robbing her of all her little comforts, | such as rings and necklaces, bracelets and gold chains. Here one pays a mint o’ money | Pm sure J can’t divine), and yet one can’t take up a paper without one’s being orrilied by hawful deeds committed by napeers and garotters, who goes a prowling like goorillers a seeking poor old lonely unprotected females to dewour ! “ Hoping as ya save us from being murdered in our beds, besides having all our jewels stolen (an really I searce know which of them calamities is wuse), 1 remain, dear Mr. 7 yours In a flutter, “ Aspen Cottage, Quiverton, near Quakeborough.” “Saran SHIveRs.” ; : Pw as d how thi , every quarter for perlice-rate (and what makes em so expensive, unless it be their whiskers, | a4 Mayors 8 ; ‘s t — Mayor, and he is bound to give you a good s , what do you think ?—he is a Spectacle-Maker! OLD KING COAL. ace 80 ex Who spends all his life im « eoal, And only comes out fora lark? It’s clear he was famous of yore, His blood is the sangré azul ; For his quarters are vert pigué noir, . And he arms hoppant ¥ 1a Orenguille SF From Grub Street to Bridgewater Place This Opéra comique’s all the go; Where Buck1tanp does alto and bass, . And Brown, Jonzs and Scroeerns Bufo. Then what awe must each bosom o’erspread As we gaze on that petrified bark ; On the bust of this quaint figure-head That has yachted with Noah in the ark : When we think that these somnolent eyes With morning primeval awoke,— _ That this solo (though sweet for its size) Preluded Lab’rinthodon’s croak ! Come Mammoth and Mastodon back, Iguanodon, Saurian grin— You may rattle your bones till they crack, But you can’t hold a candle to him: Trap, oblite, granite, and gueiss— _— Here *s a stratum will give you a hint ; Azoics, youre shelved in a trice, Sand, lias, stalactite, and flint. Hence, Ammonites! yield to your fate— You are gravell’d for many a year ;— Quartz, silica, porph r9, and slate, , Walk your chalks! you’ve no chance with what ’s here. For there ‘s nothing in bone or in shell So ancient the savants can show ; As the Restes of this black little swell— As the Case of poor Jonsny Crapraup! Good News for the Juveniles. Now, boys and girls, look out for a splendid For, do you pectacle, for, MOTTO FoR A “ BRIDEGROOM.” | Veni! Fidil! Vici rt I’ve been! and gone!! amd done it!!!

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Qoronse 11, 1862] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 149 THE NAGGLETONS ON THEIR TOUR. The Scene represents the Interior of a First-Class Carriage. The distin- guished Couple have it all to themselves, and are going from one Seaside place to another at an hour’s distance. Mrs. Ne . Of course you’ve left the keys behind. Mr. Naggleton. Why of course? Because you do? It happens that I haven’t, for here they are. What else may be left behind I can’t se. N. No, you tosk eare to have business to go out about when you Se have me in packing. { Mr. ae last; time I made the offer, you sent me packing myself ‘Mrs. N. You intend that for some kind of joke, I It would ro a Ne al state m which you come home. pf Mr. NW. There are so many counts to that indictment, my dear, that I will plead to the last only, and say that you never saw me the worse for what 1 had taken at the ‘little social meeting that alw. ays excites tN ihe On the it were the worse. Mrs. N. 1 didn’t coy bomme Mr. N. Your amiabili dear, is an encouragement to me to per- catesin ual ian a upon you. lL chantd exaguiien more than repays any trouble or she may occasion. Mes, N. T understand your and generous meming, Mz. Nas- RE RE your was in : that, in return for her railway fare, a lady is to amuse is so essen- tially commercial that it would make one smile, but the children are in daily danger of imbibing such lessons. f Mr. N. If they imbibe nothing worse than my 4 Mrs, Nac- | GLETON, they will do no harm. I can’t say as much if they imbibe | what I have seen you giving them at lunch, namely, Burton ale. Mrs. N. I believe that I am responsible to their médical attendant | th | for their dietary, Mn. Naceieton. : Mr. N. Has your own dietary included a ey my swallowed by mistake, y Rpend _ Because you are bringing out the long words, un- mornin Mrs, N. I can — understand fuiinr) that yun ed no such com- plaint to make of the first Ms. Naccizton. I think she spelt coffee eg ter retigg ms ct ene ey ee é Mr, N. it’s untrue. And whatever she spelt coffee with, M’m, she made it with hot water, w is a precious deal more than I can get her successor to do. ; Mrs, N. Her successor should have been a kitchen-maid, my dear. _ Mr. . Well, in the matter of tongue and temper, that might have involved no great change in my-present happiness, my love. Mrs. N, WyxpaamM WareExHAM must have given you quite a heap of | his old sayings, which he ‘has worn threadbare, and can’t use any longer. Are t Te perquisites of his followers? You come out quite smart in them. at a pity it is you forget them before company, and try nonsense of your own! Mr. N. Ab, my dear, when we want to wound we shouldn’t show that we are im arage. Calm yourself down to your usual ili-temper and you may be more dis: 6 ee may add, thanks to sea air, a brown study. ee ee ee eae , elaborately, Mrs. N. (sadly). a to , Hewny, I will try to forget all the its you have edad 40 ta Sqpnee: But you will make that duty i , very difficult. Mr. N. Indeed, love? Well, 1 promise you this. 17ll try and post- ne it for you as long as I can, Mrs. N. Yes, it is very well to talk so, but I assure you, Henry, the thought comes to me very often, and prevents my taking notice of and many a thing which I ought to resent. r. N. Deuce it does? You resent most things, and grumble at the rest, What was that station we passed ? |. Mrs. N. Tinkleby. Couldn’t you read that? How your eyes are failing, and what childish vanity not to wear spectacles. Mr, N. Vanity. Ha! ha! what have I to be vain of ? Meaning a bitter satire on his matrimonial acquisition. Pry te a mee yp tae ee Re | Ww ban r th not suppose you are capable ing. I have read that it is much dulled by the instincts of commerce. 3 Certainly WywpHam WaREHAM, arg model, did say that you had reason to be proud of your marriage, but it is not for me to recal such open of opinion. : r. N. Well, strictly ng, my dear, it is not, but their rarity shall be your excuse. AREHAM’S so good a judge on conjugal matters that he has kept himself single, and means to do so. rs, N. Ah! a joke redolent of spirits and water and tobacco-smuke, and would suit the “Flips” at two in the morning. . W. Your animosity to that va meeting is per- fectly unaccountable, Mas. NacGLEton. rs. W. Animosity ?—no. But I regret that the children are liable to hear, through servants, who may learn it. from twadesmen, that you are in that kind of society. I wish you could pass by another name than your own among such a set. Mr. N. (furious). Set! By Jove, Mrs. Naeeueton, you talk as if you had been born im the purple—that is to te suit your under- oe a if your unele had a man— Mrs, N. The department of the medi more especially poe my lamented uncle, is one which can bo disregard the Mr. ¥. Another barst of dictionary talk. Do you thimk it proper in a first-class carri if cut your words im proportion to the fares, lekeud Iie to adaad " : fil’, A 1 make ne doubt that in the third-class cart mons wou. sul ou might even Fi .? manbly listeni to yupnam Waneuam. Mr. N. That ’s about the i : you would yourself “Blips,” that I cannot make a yok, of Wryomam Wanenum Perkaps}I should, like you, # I at him through a glass of Mr, N. 1 had thoughts of ing from that club, Mas. Nac- GiEToN, but I am now resolved that I will accept the invitation to take Op Sot ot Rn es ee one Mrs. N. Lor, why dare say you will not make much of a failure. Tknow Rewanp Caanapom teak %, and they aay a4 very and you kmow he is the idiot im the world. "lon Na, he is not. That mame belongs to a man who did not know when he was well off, but must needs— Guard, Tickets, all tickets ready. Mr. N. \ gave them to you. don’t you get them out ? : Mrs. N. I shall get them out when they ’re wanted, and not till en. = N. (anorilv\. You have no right to delay the whole train by your petulanee, Mrs. N, (unmoved). Haven’t 1? But I shall, if I please. [And she does please. TO BE SOLD—THE MATERIALS OF THE GREAT GLOBE. THe composition of the crust of the Great Globe, and the nature of its contents have bong been matters of curious interest to the ical student. A fine opportunity is now presented for investigating the one and the other. From our own observations (in Leicester Square) we are forced to the conclusion that the theories hitherto pre as to the composition of the Globe’s crust gre entirely erroneous. The real substance of that crust is neither silurian nor igneous oh ene eles gneiss nor hornblende, slate nor shale, bat fir balks, with plaster filling up their interstices. The contents of the interior of the Globe, instead of mineral : ab as our geologists have hastily inferred, turn out to be tattered mn ragged bits of framework i composed of pe and battens. lime dust, scaffold poles, trestles, old rags rubbish, and as the very core of the squalid mass, an object which is ignoranily described = a statue of Geoner THE SeconD, but which we conclude to be an oddly formed preadamite boulder, with one of accidental resemblances to of natural stone. Appeal Against Wrong. We hear that Mz. W. F. Wivpnam has lodged notice of a against the harsh decision of the tribunal that declared him capable of managing his own affairs. We that this ; an will succeed in reversing an injustice, and we think that be is not likely to fail for want of evidence. The wishes of all decent folks are heartily with him,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Ocroser 11, 1862,

Ui WNL it Wy, D —— Yj “eh Pe: “dj My Say, \ Wil 4, tis = a “hey Gn’? u f Su aN i mI *

A i Wits a. {uicsil) tine ARR \ i or ce big = daa tay), Ny = GROUNDLESS ALARM. Darling (in straw hat). “WaT ARE YOU BUYING, DEAR?” Darling (in black hat). “ Way, I’m suytnc a Puno. Tue Impupent Taina Has PUT ME IN AS ONE OF HIS GrrRis!”

A LIFE OF LITTLE VALUE, Art the conclusion of a Coroner’s inquest, held in the East of London | on the body of a poor woman named Cuartorre Criprin— “ The jury returned the following special verdict—That deceased e from the | effects of inflammation of the stomach, accelerated by the want of the common necessaries of life ; and the jury unanimously censure the conduct of Mr. BLank, the assistant relieving officer of the Local Union, in the matter, and consider that he | did not perform his duty ; and the jury further desire to recommend that in future the Board of Guardians should make due inquiries as to how inmates of the Union | = 5 likely to be taken care of outside the house, before ordering their removal rom it.” | In the above extract we have di names, because the relieving | officer, whom we call. Mr. Buanx, Temed the statement by one of the witnesses, whereon the censure of the jury was grounded, and also | because, as the servant of the Board of eae, he most likely acted under his masters’ orders, or at least, according to their instructions. But if the evidence against him and them is credible, here is a case of criminal breach of duty which contributed to the causation of @ pauper’s | death, and that under extremely horrible circumstances. In summing up, the Coroner stated that :— | “It was clear that the deceased and her family, be in extreme starvation, ere herself at the union-house, and represented her husband as starving her. vithuut the most ordinary inquiry as to whether he was doing so from neglect or j 5 9 necessity, the Board of Guardians ordered Cripptn to be proceeded against. LANK, the relieving officer, went to Crippry, and under a threat of three months’ imprisonment, compelled. him to remove his family. 3 ae were placed in | a room and there had to under, “go such dreadful starvation that deceased died of the effects, and they would have all perished had not their groans attracted the attention of the neighbours.” | If Mrs. Crrprry had been what Society calls a respectable person, and had met her death through a railway accident caused by an over- sight or blunder on the part of a guard, an engine-driver, or a signal- man, would not the coroner’s jury have returned a verdict of man- slaughter against the unfortunate rather than culpable official? Had | the accident arisen from his gross carelessness with the aggravation of

savage brutality, would not a higher and more rational Court have confirmed the verdict? Of course it is quite possible that the —- pronounced as above on . Buank was wholly undeserved. But the evidence really proved that the deceased was starved to death by =F. fault, the verdict ought to have gone beyond mere censure. It ught, indeed, also to have implicated the Board of Guardians still more ghly than their officer; but. no coroner’s jury can be expected to be poe Iw enough to criminate a Board.

NEITHER FISH, FLESH, " Dear Mr. Ponca, “ Awone the innumerable complaints against the Refreshment Department at Messrs. Ketx anp Lucas’s Show, I see one which I think unfounded. A person writes to say that he took his sister into one of the eating rooms, and that they were not allowed to sit down. Why, what do you think he says he demanded? ‘A Bat apiece and some coffee.” What a very objectionable lunch, Sir. I am not par- ticular, but I should be sorry to sit at the same table with a person who could eat a Bat. I suppose he was going to order the lady a roast owl to follow, and P mien 7 some nice efts for dessert. Really, I think for <~ that the iscourtesy of the refreshment people was not out of place.

NOR GOOD RED HERRING. ** Yours, very faithfully, “ University Club.” * Baccuus BEEswine.”

The, only Political Question. THERE is at present but one political question which is agitated at ublic ye but that one is heard whenever certain Members of arliament address their constituents. That question is “ Who voted for the New Game Law Act?” iably followed by a storm of yells and hisses. It is invaria’

\\ were er eTrTT arerr Ter =zTrmAe COATT Wt MAT *ornnry AFT SrTeyT A 6 ete 20 Pe ee ee eS Se ee lhl:

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Sooery cE ora es FREER ATS MIT EN ATS I OTE PTL IE ET TT PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL—Ocroser 11, 1862. YAMOd WVYOdW ba [ SETTLING THE ITALIAN BINITED ITALY 4, _ ae CZ Aaah , SZ ine WK mit DIFFICULTY. Victor to Louis. “NO!—YOU LOOK AFTER THE OLD WOMAN ;—I’LL TAKE CARE OF HER LUGGAGE.” | eee il @o@o™ bw © oO tht. GQ eons 6 ast OcOee Pw ee

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Octésen 11, 1862]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CE ARIVARL..

UNIVERSAL ALLIANCE FOR THE DEPRESSION OF ANIMAL SPIRITS AND ENCOURAGEMENT OF GLOOM.

ADDRESS. modern times, when uninterrupted sunshine, celestial and com- mah Pre: ants vari the one Depression of Animal Spirits and Encouragement o coors — it desirable by the damp blanket of expostulation, to repel we the tl the jocund glow a check. With this object in view we “rere telescope, and scenes that are brightest ithe Universal Alliance withiwhieh i is incorporated the “ Anti-joking in accordance the provisions of the unfriendly by a few low-spi and smile-despising men

CASSIUS OF NEW YORK AND FRANCIS LATE OF NAPLES, Wer yailich the following correspondence pur et simple. It needs no comment. (No. 8, Cassius ¢o FRAncis. Honoured Sir,—Reverting to our anpenpenins of Gos of the Ist April, I have the high satisfaction - announce that I have succeeded in winning A. B. and C. over to my opinion, viz.: that one Monarchy is prefer- able to two Republics. er these circumstances will you accept the crown ? Profoundly yours, Cassrus Cay. To H. M. E. M. Francis, late of Naples. (No. 4.) Fravois fo Cassius. & f the Exeter Arcade. For past, their efforts to displease} Sir,—I will; but mind, there must be no Aabeus corpus, nti- hous been abundantly crowned wah success, It is now pro to Bow nonsense of that sork tiga Tonk a are supplement individual exertion by legislati tions. With this mC C — application will be made to Parliament to impose ASSIUS ULAY. Francis. Denaliiie on all persons i am above a certaim (No. 5.) 8 ra come ~ im — exhilaration which Cassrus fo Francis. af Alliance has ever been known to display. + Honoured Sir,—We are all there must be no habeas corpus shed by the Univeral of, and to be | nor any a =, nonsense of that sort. farther waaplemment abolished Alliance, may here be quoted their | will meet with our prompt submission. Profoundly yours, Quarterly TH. M. EB. M. Puaneus, late of Naples. Cassrus Cuay. A vivacious young tempor i urch Canom, with } whom she masided, in in a fit Sasiosts _— — (No. 6.) The ey chair in hich ho was abeat Yo d “ = ~~ “y A Franew ¢o Cassivs. ences were subsided om the apis .—Remember, I allow no Press wales speitor were tirowa into i es anghe ae Worst of all, the ae - minis. °° tase * anon never quite reeovered his d the mame of his miece} “mo cci0s Chay. havi, Dave, counties See 3 © fuse ena pon et (No. 7) amounting one pounds , ee coun, em Scent tie: than ln tbc ben online. We te as was a severe enun- - cat Roeke Tal cae taiee™ “If a nut speak a Giles a thaneemethammecteih Wiese you, are, Grammy.” be on ro ‘ou are, Gr ‘ p tame | ar ptndh + yl Hold pen jen” "ie 4 st. oop in| 7H. M. E. M. Fuanats, late of Naples. Cassius Ciay. stant] r sleoes and sent to bed, where his — became so terrific (No. 8.) = to fri hten the spirited horses of a troop o' a marching along seven of whom were rere ken skull ! i farther argument were to prove our position, it could be supplied. Tt is true that the istrar-General occasionally reports a case of quinsy by the exercise of the risible muscles, and we have no wish to banish any remedial agent from the London Pharma- copwa. A joke may at any time be taken medicinally, provided always = } prea & is Ld. free member of the Alliance (one of seven years subscription is not in arrear. on the ‘aes or THE FReEncH the grateful acknowledgments of the Alliance are due, for the gloom cast over Europe by his prolon “ occupation of the Papal territories. The Porz or Rome and the PEROR OF AUSTRIA may claim credit for the tacit recognition ‘of the Alliance, by their hy eye form of perenne, ee however, to the hates people the Alliance look for sympathy in their hour o trial. So long as one section of that soft-hearted natio: a resolves on securing sermeey ¢ of opinion by martial law, and on annihilating = any sacrifice all political dissenters, the Alliance can afford to groan at derision of its most cheerful adversaries. In conclusion, the Alliance cannot refrain from expressing the mental anguish which they suffer owing to the gay and sportive tone con- tinually adopted by Hen Masesty’s Prime Minister. Petitions of remonstrance are now ready, and lie in the dark chamber of the Council, to which si — are earnestly desired. The confidence which the country at has derived from the Volunteer serene, mn acts re age ly against we the interests of the Alliance, and large numbers who, ginated, were inclined to give us their adherence, now regard a “ith a lively air of scorn. One provincial town, however, which /ucus & non lucendo, while looking on the Bright side of things, wears the dullest aspect, is still honourably bent on keeping faith with the Alliance by not m ber for Bock oe spirit at It is ho that the pacific Member ale will, next Session, su in extinguishing the pus crowing administration, and that the down- fall of the playfal titleholder, -. rotited aes at gloom to our political the repeat e Corn L may be ory O = since ws, ayy for any yh

pas: To THe SHarrespuRy Conunpaum. — “York, you ’re Francis ¢o Cassius. Sir,—I am pleased to find oe fall in so readily with wif. views. Of course you will understand there is to be no Parliament, Chamber of Deputies, Congress, or similar nuisance. And by the bye, you have not mentioned the Civil List. Yours, &c. To Cassius Cuay. Francis. (No. 9.) Casstus ¢o Francis. Honoured my — List at Dm discretion. May I hope be ad the new régime, to be appointed Principal Polisher in ordinary of your Majesty’s boots ? Pro ly yours, To H. M. E. M. Francts, late of Naples. Cassius Cay. (No. 10.) Francis ¢o Cassius. Sir,—Certainly not ; I require my Prime Minister to — my boots, you may polish his if you choose. Yours, &c. To Cassius Cray. Francis. (No. 11.) © Casstus fo FRANCIS. Honoured Sir,—You may command me in way, but I Lemets solicit the favour of being allowed to put my Conde on the steps of the English Ambassador, = "ponte deed ion of the ma Re-United States, Yours, profoundly, Cassius Cray.

Truth Sometimes in a Bit of Flirtation. (A Conversation between two Waltzes.) Infatuated Youth. Oh! Jutta dearest, allow me a small place in your new ho isa fearful Hirt). Ob t yea at liberty to enter, Ula (WhO 18 a fearTyUu ur are but I.tell you nahahens that you will find it most _ineonveniently crowded. If you have any sense Il remain outside. [t’s

comfort, you a perfect crush-room. Wait till a few of the yb have gone. a arenes ee aon EA pas nolNP IE Seerserrene =f an hentehee er omen emerieeipeanntney eee a

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Octoser 11, 1862,

———— Moruer’s Pet. “Oh, there’s Ma on the Beach looking at us, Alfred ; let’s make the Boat lean over tremendously on one side |”

BOLTON AND ITS BENEFACTOR. Tae spinning-mule made Bolton. Samvzet Crompton made the| spinning-mule. SamueL Crompton lived a struggling, over-reached, and harassed | life, was supported in his old age by charity, and owes the unshaped | block of Lancashire grit that covers his grave, and symbolises the rugged. ee. oom but massive mind of the man, to the same fund which found him in bitter bread during the latter days of his ill-starred and ill-requited labours. _ SamveL Crompton died in 1827 at the age of 74, and now Bolton, whose master-manufacturers cheated him living, honours him dead by a statue. On that spinning-mule are built up her acres of mills and her miles of machinery, the wages of her tens of thousands of hands and the fortunes of her hundreds of Cotton Lords. Nobody can say that Bolton has been too quick to pay even this much of her debt to SamveL Crompton, but better late than never. It would be ungracious to remind her how Samugt Crompton was allowed to live, and in what circumstances he died. But Samuet Crompton left more behind him than his great invention, and the memory of his wrongs and struggles. He begat sons and daughters as well as invented mules. He died a pauper, and they have fared as the children of those who die paupers are apt to do. f course it will be supposed that when Bolton takes to honour the memory of Samvet Crompton with an image of him in granite, the images he left of himself in flesh and blood have not been forgotten. But Bolton does not visit the benefits of the father upon the children. One of Samvzt Crompton’s sons is living a dependent on charity, as his father died. Somebody bought him a suit of clothes that he might make a decent appearance at the inauguration of his father’s statue. Besides this son, there are living some half a dozen grandchildren, some dozen great-grandchildren, of the inventor—all, with one excep- tion, in poverty of the meanest, most pinching kind. Not one of them, son, grandchildren, or great-grandchildren, was invited to the inaugu- ration of SamugeL Crompron’s statue. It seems that only by accident was the fact of their existence made known to the meeting which attended the unveiling of the monument. The Committee, no doubt, were equally ignorant. If they had known

that Samuzi Crompton had a son living, and had been cognisant of | that son’s plight, and the plight of the grandchildren and great- grandchildren, of course they would have sought them out, with help and encouragement—would have kindly seen that they had places at the inauguration and the feast, would have taken care that some ray of the warmth of gratitude, now tardily turned towards the inventor of the mule, pe reach and cheer the cold hearths of his descendants. It would be an insult to the good taste and good =< Bolton to suppose that while any of Samuzt Crompton’s children asked for bread, Bolton could, wittingly, have offered them a stone—even in the flattering shape of Samuget Crompton’s statue. — ries , Bolton will, no doubt, prove that we are right in attributing to igno- rance the absence of all recognition or help to Samuzt Crompron’s living descendants. We shall soon hear of the Crompton Fund for assuring bread, clothes, and shelter to the son, and education, and a help hand in life to the grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Nor nee the contributions to such a fund be confined to Bolton. All Cottonia owes its pounds and its mites to the same cause. Hn attendant, let Bolton and the cotton counties remember, that while Samuzn Cromp- ton’s statue looks down on one of Samuet Cromprton’s children, whether in the first, second or third generation, wrestling with distress or growing up in the ignorance of grievous poverty, it is rather a monument of their own shame than of Samuet Cromprton’s inventive power. Tue attention of farmers and landed proprietors is called to the subjoined extract from the report of a ace made at Melton Mowbray the other day, at the Leicestershire and Waltham Agricultural Asso- ciation dinner :— “ The noble Duke also adverted to the fox-hunting for which the country round Melton was famed. He complained that the custom of erecting wire fences was greatly injuring sport, as they were extremely dangerous to the horses and to human life.” Steel traps and spring guns have been abolished by Act of Parliament. If the lives of country gentlemen are not worth very much, they are at least more valuable than those of thieves. To procure the needful abolition of the wire fences which barbarous agriculturists set in horsemen’s way, the fox-hunters throughout the kingdom should form themselves into a Fox Club in opposition to a practice which is as as that of digging pitfalls.

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OPA a BD SERBS STAY CERT ND © ae 4 Z Ooroszr 11, 1862] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. OUR DRAMATIC CORRESPONDENT. BAR Puncu,—That excel- lent aetor, Mx. BenzaMrn Wesstek, has, for one day only, been performing in twenty who are there to beannuitants were received and housed without form- ality or fuss, and so were made to feel that the homes and that they will not, be disturbed by any flourish- ing of charitable trumpets in their ears. aoe more for the glory founders than the comfort of its inmates, and that the money w been laid out in bricks and mortar might have been better in doles of out-of-door relief. I don’t think this myself, for mere alms- iving is not the object of the charity, which is intended to provide a use for such old actors as by God’s will are left homeless in the last years of their life. A second object is to furnish education for their children, and I hope to see the time when the College down at. ‘% bury will turn out as good scholars as Trinity itself. But in the theatrical as well as other e- there is many a poor struggler in want of weekly help; and if the captious people who object to bricks and mortar would find the funds for giving out-of-door relief, the might emulate the good work of the patrons of the College, whic ly would be better than merely finding fault. “ As you know everything, my Punch, of course I need not tell you that when actors first appeared in FE , some three centuries ago. they were by law permitted to play only in the yards of churches or of inns. Hamlet was not written then, or the grave scene might have fittingly been shown in a churehy: rhaps a real clergyman woul ‘have consented to aqpese in it. This is really not. improbable, for actors then were more in favour with the Church than, it is fear they are at present: a fact whieb, so the cynics say, is partially accounte for b the knowledge that the cle received a handsome fee when- ever his churchyard was occup’ y players. Let us hope this favour may in due time be revived, and that clergy will be sensible what help in moral teaching the stage, if rightly managed, is able to afford them. Segnids irritant—you know how Horace puts it: and much as many parsons ee now condemn and execrate it, 1 am sure that a good play well mounted and well acted is capable not merely of giving people pleasure but of on them much good. At any rate our clergy ought not to forget that Charity will cover a multitude of sins: and when they fulminate their wrath a the evils of the play-house (which daily are decreasing, and will I trust ere long die out) let them bear in mind the fact that of all trades and professions there is none which is in charity so liberal as the stage. Its members may be vain, may be weak, may be e : few have such temptations, none are more in danger of being spoilt by popularity, and app . But whatever be their faults, their charity should serve to cloak them from the sight of those less hardly tempted, vet. pe radventure not less liable to fall, Many a poor pla er from his two s gs a night will freely give|a poorer pe elp when in worse need he is in himself: and how actors elp each other and work for a good cause this newly opened. College is now a standing proof. ; “ Merely hinting that the College is not yet quite completed, and that there are several acres in the hands of its trustees quite fit to be built over when the public finds the funds (the name of the treasurer is J. W. ANSON, so draw — cheque-books, gentlemen, and prepare to sign) I remain with the best wishes to the stage and all its c arities, , “One wo Pays.” “P.S. For the benefit of posterity I must just note the fact that Lord Dundreary has been playing for two hundred and fifty nights, while Peep 0’ Day will reach three hundred before the month is out. I would add too, as a fact remarkable in history, that Italian Operas have been heard the inces with most j rich The this year in London the first week in October: while at the Royal English Opera, old and young men from the country may hear those purely English operas Fra Diavolo and Dinorah, not to mention La ) and Les Diamans de la Couronne. § i Louisa Pyne never could sing badly, if she were to recovered from her illness, she now sings all every night. As for Mr. Metion, his o in good performers, that one may almost THE CAMBRIDGE DUET. AS PERFORMED BEFORE THE BRITISH ASSOCIATION. PROFESSOR 0. PROFESSOR H. Professor 0. H——y, don’t kick wp a serimmage, Dabs thers beulen aeeiaseik thar sine: Made in Providence’s i an Ape. Man must not be = Professor H. O——y, lam And maintain Man is really bat s Save in moral points of new. Professor O. Miam’s no Professor H. inte { Monkey. Both. From this fix there’s no escape. Professor 0. He is 3 Prayer i He’s a flunkey, essor O. | wy, rts that Man ; Professor H. {Gentes ¢ san Ape. DEVOTION TO SCLENCE. At one of the meetings of the British Association last; week, Dr. Epwarp Smrrn said— “In certain cases tobacco acts as a stimulant, and Man the state of system at night which would be induced of alcoholic stimulants, but when the body is of full habit it must lead to sleep and may lead to apoplexy.” Dr. Punca said that as a literary man of full habit (applause) he should like to ask his friend Dr. Sarra whether the unpleasant con- sequences he indicated might not be obviated by taking both the cigar and a moderate quantity of alcoholic stimulants. Dr. Epwarp Smits said that he had not directed his attention to that question, and thought that po enna bearing upon it might be vantage. conducted with interest and with Dr. Punca, in the most li manner, immediately undertook to Ler thes, ~ ange “pm nee with that view. He was shortly joined by Dz. Smutu, an tinguished philosophers pur- sued their investigations until a late hour. FOLLOW MY LEADER. A Granp ball was held the other day at the Imperial Villa at Biarritz, and according 1o a letter from that place :— “The toilettes of the ladies were richer than ever. Hair powder seems to be coming into vogue again, for many of the ladies used it on this occasion.” Very probably. The admirable revival of hoops should naturally be followe by a return to hair-powder. The sequacious with which the French ladies follow their leader, and the j them, is, though a goose-like, a eratifying attestation of their attach- ment to the Crinoline Dynasty. Venus forbid that the Empress or THe FReNcH should wear rings in her nose; but if she were to adopt such ornaments her example would doubtless be followed by our wives and daughters, The Scouring of the Scutcheon. Wuics his name it is Rananazn, pot Francis, Capocay, Agent he was for Restaurateur V. ’ And each hungry buffer the Frenchman could lug in Paid the eighth of a penny to Freppy, writes That the thoes discussed, at the thing’s di And conceives his guerdon less than just. HISTORICAL PARALLELS, Every one has his oracle. Hasn’t Patmerston got his Suarres- Bury? Didn’t Numa Pomprmavus have his Ecznts? Whiy, then, shouldn’t Pius have his Eugenia ?

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Bit, af A SKETCH AT BIARRITZ. THE END OF EVERYTHING. Dear Dr. Cummine, Wuar are you about? Resting on your oars, I hopein smooth water, and reposing after your pull upon the uncertain. but ‘profitable sea of prophetical speculation. Well, the scarlet old Person. seems likely to have to remove from the Seven Hills with her basket of fish before long; though she won’t take the broad hints that have been given her, and has not as yet had actual notice to quit. So much for her; but now let me congratulate you on the triumph which has crowned your labours in the fatidical line. It is recorded by the Times, in a | paragraph of which I have great pleasure in quoting the subjoined commencement :— “ DEMOLITION OF THE Great GLopE.—A number of workmen have been engaged during the last few days in the destruction of this well-known building in Leicester | Square,,and yesterday the hazardous operation of stripping the dome of its metal covering was completed.” The pessent year is earlier by a few twelve months, I believe, than that which you fixed for the end of the world; but what of that ? Astronomers, in foretelling the return of a comet, cannot be exact to Greenwich time; and not every sporting Vates is able to state the precise length of head, head and neck, or shoulders, that the right horse for the Derby will win by. The Great Globe has been demolished at a date quite near enough to that which you fixed for the destruction of our earth, practically to verify your prediction with sufficient accuracy. And, what I consider peculiarly interesting, this satisfactorily explains the inconsistency which certain shallow critics have remarked in your a investment of the money which you have earned by your iterary industry. The Great Globe is demolished; but your invest- ments remain. Long may they remain, and long may you live to enjoy them, and to read tlie observations of your admirer, PUNCH P.S. Zapxtet is just out. So are not you. = donee ———EEE————EEE On the Skirts of Absurdity. A Lapy Ota, Brprorp Squegrs) defends the present extravagant length of ladies’ dresses by saying that it is a very old fashion, originally brought into vogue by Nrnon pe Lone CLorsEs. 1854 AND 1862. Among the distinguished visitors who are just now honouring us with their presence in this country (come, Punch can do the elegant thing when he likes) is that gallant Russian officer, GenzRAL LivranpI, who is shooting in Scotland.’ The valiant commander’s name was, a few years ago, associated with a day on which he tried, in the service of his own Sovereign, to do us all the mischief he could, and he went at his work like a man, and it is no discredit to him ‘that the result was not quite satisfactory to the' Emperor oF ALL THE Russias. Mr. Punch commemorated the event in a little poem destined to live to all time, but as that tremendous hero, Coronet Nort (whose anutterably glorious military achievements entitle him to be heard on such a subject) objects to memorials of the Crimean war, and thinks that the Sebastopol cannon, now sprinkled over the country, ought to be called in, like the old copper comage, Mr. Punch begs to modify his original strain, and to make it polite, in honour of a brave soldier no longer an enemy :— ** Remember, remember The Fifth of November, Inkermann, powder, and shot, When Geyerat LipranvI Fought Jonny, Pat, and Sanpy— And—gave it ’em awfully hot.” A Smooth Way of Getting Out of it. A Port, who is prematurely bald, excuses it in.this ingenious and complimentary manner :—“‘ Baldness (he says) is only a proof of polite- ness paid to the beautiful sex. Is it not the duty of a gentleman always to uncover his head in the presence of the ladies ? ” _ Accrpentas Deats Insurance Socrety.—Does this Company insure death by Accident at some time or other? And if ay a die a natural death, is the Company liable to action for damages Tae Great Exursition Cay.— Shop!” Printed by William Bradbury, of No. 13, Upper Wob P Whitefriars, City of Lanien. Printers at their Office in Lom Levdon.—Satunpar, October 11, 1862. im the Parish of St. Pancras,in the County of Middlesex, and Frederi Street, ia the Precinct of Whitefriars, City of London, and Published by them at No. 85, Fleet Street, ick Mallett Evans, of No. 1),